#or told that I'm not trying hard enough get out of 'my funk'&that if i truly was so upset at being depressed I'd take efforts more seriously

[treeofnonsense]

So I'm going to preface this by saying: I am cis as all hell. I'm not any form of trans or nonbinary, I have never been any form of trans or nonbinary, and thus I tend to stay pretty quiet on that front over here. Ain't my place to tell people who know better what to do, and I'm not trying to do that here. However, after having made a lot of friends under the trans umbrella, after being lucky enough to have some of those friends share with me some of their struggles, their joys, their lives, and after noticing a couple of patterns in their journeys... I think there is one message I would like to share that may help some of you to hear, if you'll give me a minute of your time, and I think it may have to come specifically from a cis person.

The message is this: If your cisgender friends are good friends, you being your true self is not a burden to them.

For the people in the back: If your cisgender friends are good friends. You being your true self with gender. Is not a burden to them.

I didn't know my friend in high school was trans until he transitioned socially and I heard his new name. He didn't tell me first because I was raised fundamentalist Christian and probably did not look like a safe person to tell; when I pulled him aside in class so no one else could hear us, told him he could tell me to buzz off if he was uncomfortable, and politely asked for confirmation on pronouns, I remember the surprise and joy on his face. It took me about five minutes of chanting his new name and pronouns in the shower to get it to stick in my brain. That tiny amount of effort was nothing compared to seeing him pull himself out of the depressive funk dysphoria had put him in, of celebrating senior year when he legally changed his name, of drawing him a snowflake dragon for Christmas and hiding the trans flag colors in the shimmer of the ice so it would get past our conservative school's radar. We became closer friends after he came out because I knew him better and he knew he could trust me. He got me my first ace ring. I was not only supporting him, but learning from him, and sharing in his joy.

The genderfluid roommate in college took me a little longer to adapt to, I'll be honest, I was still learning, but hey - it turns out it's not really that hard to check the pronoun pins on a lanyard before you address someone. It's pennies when that person comes along to teach you the wonders of thrift shopping and takes you to meet a drag queen for the first time. I've met so many people online whose identities I do not always intuitively understand, but who I support anyway, and who have made me consider so many new things. It's not a burden to know about my friends' journey when it comes to gender, it's a privilege to know them more deeply and be trusted in that way. It's a new dimension to this person I already love, that's all.

Look, I am not saying that all your cis friends are going to be perfect, that we're not going to fuck up occasionally because we don't know better or we had a bad day, that we understand everything - we're not, we will, and we don't. I am not saying that everyone is a safe person to talk to either - god knows that's not true, unfortunately. But. If your worry about expressing yourself is of being a nuisance, of burdening someone with your problems or needs, of being too much or too out-there or too confusing, consider this: Your friends may not only be willing to learn and help you, they may be happy to. In a true friendship, both people benefit from one person's joy. If you're happy because you're able to be your honest self, they'll be happy too. Suddenly that weird shyness and sadness they saw from you but didn't know the cause of has gone away. Heck, maybe they'll learn from you and start following in your genderfunky footsteps. Or maybe you'll just have a cis friend who texts you celebration emojis when you have a good gender day, or is there when you wake up from surgery, or goes shopping for new outfits with you, or even brings over ice cream when you're having a hard time. And then you both get ice cream. Come on. This is what friends do.

Be safe, of course. Trust your judgment when it comes to sharing information. But if you're simply scared, try to balance out the fear of what you may lose with the thought of what you may also stand to gain. Don't let the anxiety beast turn your identity into a problem. It's not a burden, it's a part of you, and the people who love you will love to meet it.

#transgender #nonbinary #genderfluid #i hope these are the right tags like i said i don't go here much #i simply thought people could use a bit of positivity based off my own experiences #because this myth of being a burden is something i've seen a few times now but not true. not with people who love you

[stolen-breath]

𝕗𝕚𝕔𝕜𝕝𝕖 𝕞𝕖𝕞𝕠𝕣𝕚𝕖𝕤

:: ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ :: ᴊᴀsᴏɴ ᴛᴏᴅᴅ × ʏ/ɴ

:: ᴘʀᴏᴍᴘᴛ :: Iᴍᴀɢɪɴᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀ OTP ᴡᴀɴᴅᴇʀɪɴɢ ᴀʀᴏᴜɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴀʟʟ. Pᴇʀsᴏɴ A sᴡᴇᴀʀs ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ sᴛᴏʀᴇ ᴛʜᴇʏ’ʀᴇ ʟᴏᴏᴋɪɴɢ ғᴏʀ ɪs ʜᴇʀᴇ, ʙᴜᴛ Pᴇʀsᴏɴ B ɪs sᴛᴀʀᴛɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴡᴏɴᴅᴇʀ ɪғ ᴍᴀʏʙᴇ ɪᴛ ᴄʟᴏsᴇᴅ ᴀ ᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴀɢᴏ ᴀɴᴅ Pᴇʀsᴏɴ A ᴊᴜsᴛ ғᴏʀɢᴏᴛ.

:: sᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ :: ᴊᴀsᴏɴ ɪɴsɪsᴛs ᴛʜᴇ sᴛᴏʀᴇ ʜᴀs ᴀʟᴡᴀʏs ʙᴇᴇɴ ʜᴇʀᴇ -- ʏᴏᴜ ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ sᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴇɴᴛɪʀᴇʟʏ ᴅɪғғᴇʀᴇɴᴛ

:: ᴛᴡs :: ᴍɪʟᴅ sᴡᴇᴀʀɪɴɢ, ʀᴏᴜɢʜ ᴛᴇᴀsɪɴɢ

:: ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ :: 884

:: ʀᴇᴏ̨ᴜᴇsᴛᴇᴅ :: ɴᴏ

:: sғᴡ | ɴsғᴡ ::

ᴍᴀSᴛᴇƦʟꞮSᴛ

:: ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀ’s ɴᴏᴛᴇs :: ugh, hopefully i'm out of my funk now >.<'

:: ᴘʀᴏᴍᴘᴛ ʙʏ ɪᴍᴀɢɪɴᴀᴛɪᴠᴇ ᴏᴛᴘ ᴘʀᴏᴍᴘᴛs, ɢᴏ ɢɪᴠᴇ ᴛʜᴇᴍ sᴏᴍᴇ ʟᴏᴠᴇ!! ::

When Jason starts the loop anew, you can’t help but wonder if he’s maybe lost his mind.

“I swear, it’s over here.”  He drags you by your wrist, careful not to bruise you with his large fingers, but you can feel it aching anyway.  Gotham Mall is huge, this is the third cycle you’ve made through the first floor, and you’re so tired.

“I think your brain’s all scrambled from all those crowbars up the noggin,” you grumble, only half to yourself.  He either ignores you or doesn’t hear you over the chaos of the crowds around you.  There’s a reason he won’t let go of your wrist.  It’s far too easy to get swept away normally – if Two-Face tries something?  Or Penguin?  Or Joker, or Mister Freeze, or Poison Ivy, or…

Man, Gotham is a really bad place to live.  How are kids still allowed in this crazy city?

“It – it was always here!”  Once again, he stops you in front of the antique store, pointing at it with fingers spread wide in confusion.  “Seriously!  Between the Hot Topic and the World Market!  It’s always been here!”

“It’s literally never been here!”  You try to tug him in the direction of the food court, but he’s still ranting at the Game-On! sign in front of him.  “I’m telling you, it’s on the second floor!  Next to the food court!  C’mon, Jay, I’m starving!”

He shakes his fist at the offending store in remarkably cartoonish frustration.  "I'll unveil your secret.  It's on now, Game-On."  With a final huff, he allows you to pull him toward the escalators (elevators give you the willies).  As you stand on the moving stairs, squished between a man with a baby backpack and a woman whose expression screams "I'm looking for a fight", you can’t help but boop Jason’s crooked nose.

“Relax,” you tease, relishing the mix of emotions – confused, annoyed, embarrassed, adorable – that cross his face.  “You’re not you when you’re hungry.  We’ll grab some Chinese and start looking again when we’ve got some energy.”

“Pretzels,” he grumbles, flicking your nose in return.  “I deserve pretzels after this betrayal.”

“Fine, fine.  But you’re paying, Mister Richie-rich.  I don’t have Auntie Anne’s money.”

As you approach the food court, a more-than-familiar sign gleams to your right.  Jason seems distracted by the neon pretzel, so you allow yourself a sneaky glance.  Sure enough, there it is.  It’s so hard not to reveal it to him right now, to bask in the warm glow of “I told you so”.  It’s always way more fun to let him discover it himself.  You bite your lower lip, keeping perfectly still as Jason orders two large pretzels – one with cinnamon sugar, one with a large dipping pot of cheese.  It’s fake cheese.  He’s told you this a thousand times, keeps demanding you let him just cook for you – but even though his cheese is almost as good as Alfred’s, there’s just something viscerally satisfying about melted fake cheese.

He doesn’t notice it.  You’re on edge the entire time you tear through your pretzel.  He chuckles at the way you eat it – you’re not the type to eat food daintily, with a fork and a knife and a little finger sticking out for fancy points.  You rip it apart and stuff it in your mouth.  Thank god he finds it endearing – but too bad that he’s too distracted laughing at how adorable (his words, words you smack him for every time) you look when you eat.  If he wasn’t teasing you, he’d notice the missing shop directly behind you, lights flashing in a desperate bid for his attention.

Finally, you take the final bite of pretzel, licking the salt and cheese off your fingers before wiping them down on a napkin.  “Amazing!”  He claps his hands.  “A glorious display of the rare Y/N in the wild.  This will make an amazing addition to my documenta–”

Somehow, his face manages to glow with excitement and fall in humiliation in a single expression.  You wish you were faster at getting your camera out – it’s gone in a moment, now red with frustration.  “Y/N!” he shouts, shooting out of his chair so fast it clatters to the floor behind him.  Other customers turn to stare, but you’re the only one who seems to care, your own face flushing as red as his.  “It’s there!  It’s right fucking there!”

“Told you it was on the second floor.”  You offer him your sweetest smile in spite of your embarrassment, gathering your messy napkins and greasy pretzel-holders off the table.  “But looping the ground floor was okay too – we needed the exercise.”

“You shut up.”  But he’s not saying it to be mean.  Even his ears are red!  He grabs the trash from your hands and shoves it into the overfull container, then grabs your hand.  “Ugh… I’m sorry.  I seriously thought it was downstairs.  C’mon, I wanna show you my favorite authors!  This place has some real goodies – stuff even older than Alfred.  And that’s saying a lot.  I heard that he fought in the Revolutionary War!”

You laugh in delight as he drags you away once again – this time, not in a fruitless effort to find a store in a place it never was to begin with.

#jason todd x oc #jason todd x reader #jason todd x y/n #jason todd imagine #jason todd fluff #jason todd headcanon #dc imagine #batfam x reader #batfam x you

[residents-of-the-darkforest]

One of Us is a Killer (part 3)

First part: https://www.tumblr.com/residents-of-the-darkforest/738940160410058752/one-of-us-is-a-killer?source=share

Previous: https://www.tumblr.com/residents-of-the-darkforest/739047962939949056/one-of-us-is-a-killer-part-2?source=share

=======

Going solely on what kin say in Lifegen every six moons, we build a story, and, more importantly, a resident

Please feel free to comment your interpretations of what is happening or your thoughts on the characters!

Who are your suspects so far?

Main character: Burnetshriek -- Lonesome

Mother: Wetfish (deceased) -- Wise

Mom: Beaverspeckle -- Adventurous

Sister: Midgefreckle -- Calm

Brother: Yewstripe -- Strict

Brother: Privetdusk (deceased) -- Ambitious

Mate: Heathertree -- Loving

Daughter: Battumble -- Noisy -> Sneaky

Son: Yarrowpaw (deceased) -- Attention-seeker

Son: Rubblenettle -- Troublesome

Son: Jaggeddusk -- Honest -> Righteous

Son: Coniferkit -- Impulsive -> Fierce

Conifer is 15 moons younger than his older littermates.

Side note: [....] in speech indicates that Burnetshriek has said something.

Bonus side note: orange highlights previously indicated that something was not directed at Burnetshriek or didn't have to do with her. Now, it's for text that is a repeated conversation.

.

.

MOON 78:

Mom: "Did you see Battumble earlier today, Burnetshriek? Oh, StarClan, it was the funniest thing ever! They mistook a twig for a fox and flew, like, five fox-lengths into the air! Hahahaha!"

.

Midgefreckle: "Hey, Burnetshriek, are you....are you busy? [...] Listen I...I just need someone to talk to, and you're the only one I can talk to. I'm...Listen. What do you think happens when we leave the living, and we join StarClan? I wonder what that's like. [...] I'm less worried about the pain, and more...Will I be missed by the Clan after I leave? I'm not the most talkative cat in the world, and that makes me worry that I've never made an impact to anyone. [...] Huh? A mouse-brain? [...] You're telling me that I worry too much?.... Yeah, I suppose that's true. It's what I'm good at, I suppose, Getting caught in myself. [...] You'd miss me? Oh, Burnetshriek...thank you. You have no idea how much that means to me. It sometimes feels like you're the only cat who looks for me in a den. [...] ....Yeah, I'll be okay. I'm just in a little funk at the moment. Do you want to go hunting? I think that'd be better than me sitting here feeling sorry for myself."

.

Yewstripe: "Get up, Burnetshriek! We gotta go on a special patrol to check the WindClan border! [...] Of course I'm serious, mouse-brain! Are you really gonna make me break it down for you? [...] Birdstar gave me this assignment, and told me to pick the cat in the Clan I trust the most to accompany me on it. Lo and behold, that's you! Now c'mon, lazybones! We've got a long walk ahead of us!"

Permanent Condition: weak leg

.

Heathertree: "There are days when I wonder about the purpose of love...But then, I look at you, and I'm reminded."

.

Battumble: "Hey, Burnetshriek, my buddy, my pal...Get this, Coniferpaw just asked me to go get more moss for the medicine den. There's this real nice place I like to go out near the edge of the territory, near this beautiful babbling brook...I was just about to leave, but then I figured 'Hey, you know who deserves a little break today? Burnetshriek. She just works so hard.' So, how 'bout it, ma? It's right on the ThunderClan border, these huge swaths of moss, you can't miss it. [...] You'll go? Perfect! Have fun on your walk, and try to enjoy yourself! You deserve it!" [Did Bat just trick Burnet into doing her chores for her?].

.

Rubblenettle: "I love you, Burnetshriek. And...I'm sorry if I don't say it enough, either. Without you, I don't know what I'd do."

.

Jaggeddusk: [A conversation makes Burnet realize, with a jolt, that Jagged is now old enough to face the enemy Clan in battle. She imagines her little kit torn to shreds at the claws of enemy warriors...Or worse, her baby's maw dripping with blood, forced to take another cat's life in the name of the Clan. She draws closer to Jagged and wrap a protective tail around him, much to his confusion. Burnet silently vows not to have anything bad happen to him, not ever].

.

Coniferpaw: "There's too much to do right now. Let's talk later."

.

.

MOON 84:

Mom: "Hey sweetie...You're looking a little small, there. Have you been eating enough? Doing the excercises I gave you? [...] You know, you might think that the shoulders are the most important muscle, but it's all in the hindquarters. You're gonna wanna do at least five sets of leg lifts every day then..." [Beaverspeckle begins to describe her workout routine in detail....."And that's all there is to it! It might seem excessive, but I swear, it all pays off in the end."

.

Midgefreckle: "Oh, Burnetshriek, are you busy? [...] I...was going on a hunting patrol, and I was wondering if you wanted to come with me? [...] Huh? No, I don't mean 'pretend to go hunt so I can go birdwatching'....well. Not for the whole hunt. [...] Hehe, okay then, we'll go actual hunting then, I'll only do a bit of birdwatching."

.

Yewstripe: [Burnet asks Yew if the rumours about them and Mouseshadow are true]. "What? Me and Mouseshadow? C'mon, don't be ridiculous! Why would I ever like Mouseshadow? Sure, I guess they're kind of pretty, and--and smart, and they make me laugh like no one else can...Not to mention talented...and hardworking....and their smile, great StarClan, there's nothing else like it....But--But it's not like I like them, or anything!"

Permanent Condition: weak leg

.

Heathertree: "Sorry, Burnetshriek! No time to talk right now, I just got a task from Mouseshadow. I'll be sure to catch up with you some other time, though!"

.

Battumble: "Hey, Burnetshriek, what was that one story you used to tell us in the nursery? The one about the kit who went missing about not eating all their fresh-kill?" [Burnet retells the story]. "Ah, yes, that's the one! StarClan, it was driving me crazy, not remembering...Kind of a messed up story, no?" [Burnet concedes that maybe it was a little morbid]. "But, hey, I guess I've always cleaned my bones since then."

.

Rubblenettle: "Burnetshriek! Burnetshriek! Ever try balancing a pinecone on your nose? [...] Watch the master at work. [Rubble balances a pinecone]. Now you try!"

.

Jaggeddusk: "Good morning, Burnetshriek, how are you today? Did you hear that rain on the den roof last night? [...] It was really loud, it sounded like hundreds of tiny paws slamming on the roof up there. I wonder if StarClan came to visit us, in the form of the rain?"

.

Coniferpaw: "Hey. Bet I could beat ya in a fight! [...] Sure, I have no formal training, but once I let my inner dark warriors out..." [Conifer does an exaggerated growl, and he and Burnet both explode in laughter]. "y-you're lucky I'm a lover, not a fighter! *wheeze*!"

.

Yarrowkit (daughter, 0 moons): Grr

.

Tallkit (son, 0 moons): MROOW!

#one of us is a killer #long post

[country-clubs-gf]

Not Yours Anymore - A Rafe Cameron Imagine

~~~

Description: After (Y/N) and Rafe break up, the two ex lovers start to move on, but what happens when one can't?

~~~

"Come to the pool with me, please??" Sarah begged you as she stood at the foot of your bed.

You'd been a wreck ever since your breakup with her brother, and she'd been trying hard to get you out of your funk.

"I don't know, Sarah," you said, shaking your head. You toyed at the hem of your sheets, refusing to make eye contact with the pleading girl. You knew you'd give in if you did. She was your best friend and you hated letting her down. Part of you knew you'd give in anyway.

"Come on, you need to wear some actual clothes and get some fresh air. How long are you going to mope over my brother? Trust me, he isn't even worth what you're putting yourself through," she told you.

You shook your head at her words. He was worth it, which is why you have this constant heaviness in your chest ever since you told him it's over. It's not like you wanted to, but his coke addiction was getting out of hand. You felt like you had no choice.

"You're wrong, he made me the happiest I've ever been," you stated. She shook her head.

"He also made you the saddest you've ever been. He put you through a lot, (Y/N). This was for the best," she spoke, but her words went in one ear and out the other. There was nothing she could say that would make the hole in your chest go away.

When you didn't say anything, Sarah grabbed your hands and pulled you out of bed.

"Come on! I promise this will make you feel better," she pleaded. Her eyes were full of hope as she wished her best friend would agree to get out of bed for the first time in days.

"What if Rafe is there? I don't know if I'm ready to see him yet," you revealed.

"He's not going to be there, and if he is, he'll be at the gym and not the pool. I'm pretty sure he's working with my dad today anyway," she said.

You paused for a moment before taking in a deep breath. "Fine, I'll go. But he better not be there, Sarah Cameron!" You warned her.

She jumped up and down excitedly. "Yay! I knew I could get you out of your funk!" She exclaimed before rushing over to your dresser and pulling out the first bikini she saw.

It was a hot pink string bikini, one that Rafe loved on you. He couldn't keep his hands off you every time you wore it. "You have no idea how much I want to rip that thing off your pretty little body." He'd whispered in your ear. You could almost hear him say it now. It sent chills down your spine.

"Helloooo? Is this one okay?" She asked impatiently as she held the bikini up.

"Yeah, no, yeah, that one's fine," you answered. You didn't bother telling her why you took so long to answer. She definitely wouldn't want to know anyway.

"Perfect, go change and I'll meet you outside!" She rushed you.

You took the bikini from her and walked to the bathroom inside of your room. You slipped out of your oversized T-shirt that you'd been wearing for days and stepped into the bikini. You put your unwashed hair that, surprisingly enough, didn't look oily into a hot pink claw clip. You grabbed one of your beach towels after lathering on some face sunscreen and slipped on a pair of flip flops.

You met Sarah downstairs and climbed into her car. "Took you long enough," she said, to which you rolled your eyes.

"Oh, please, that took like five minutes," you replied, annoyance laced in your voice. "Don't push it, you should be glad I'm even going."

"You know you wanted to go," she told you. You didn't respond as she drove off. You simply watched the palm trees zoom by as you got closer and closer to the country club.

Once you arrived, the two of you simultaneously got out off the luxury car before showing your passes to the security at the entrance of the club. They didn't even really look at the passes, as they could recognize the two of you anywhere.

Before finding a spot at the pool, you decided to grab a drink from the bar. The bartenders knew you weren't of age, but since you were from a prominent family on Figure Eight, they weren't going to give you a hard time. You ordered a Piña Colada and Sarah ordered a Vodka Cran.

The two of you walked with drinks in hand, searching for a good spot at the pool. That's when you spotted him. He was all sweaty, looking like he just got done working out and was cooling off by the pool. But he wasn't alone. Some brunette you've never seen before was chatting him up. You couldn't tell if he came there with her or if she had approached him, but you didn't like the sight of it either way. When his eyes met yours, you almost dropped your drink. You didn't want him to see that you were bothered by it, so you nonchalantly turned the other way.

Sarah noticed this and stopped walking. "What are you doing?" She asked. You subtly moved your head to the direction Rafe was in. She moved her eyes to look in the direction you gestured towards, and you could tell she saw exactly what you did because her face dropped.

"Oh," was all she muttered out.

You started walking again, but she quickly blocked you.

"I swear I didn't know he was going to be here, and I also have no idea who that girl is," She told you.

"It's fine, can we just go?" You mumbled.

"You're really gonna let him get to you like that? The best thing to do would be to turn around with your head held high and have some fun at the pool. Show him you don't care if he's moved on. You are the one that ended things, remember?" She said, gripping your forearm.

"I just didn't expect him to move on so fast," you sniffled, trying to fight the tears.

"He hasn't, she's probably just a rebound or maybe she's just talking to him. It's not a big deal, (Y/N), now come on," she urged.

"It is a big deal to me, Sarah. She's clearly flirting with him! I knew I should've just stayed in bed," you argued.

Sarah put one hand on her hip. "That doesn't mean he's flirting back. And if he is, then he's a piece of shit and that's even more of a reason for you to forget about him. Now can we please go sit down? My drink is getting hot," she begged you.

You groaned. "Fine, but I'm not staying long," you muttered.

You followed her to a spot across from Rafe and that girl. You were hesitant to put your stuff down there because you'd have a clear view of him.

"Just ignore him," she told you.

You huffed as you spread your towel over the lawn chair. You put your sunglasses over your eyes so Rafe couldn't see if you were looking at him. Which you knew you would be.

You sat down on the chair and sipped your drink, not being able to tear your eyes away from Rafe. Was he flirting back? How could he move on so quickly when it took everything in you just to get out of bed today?

Your heart dropped when Rafe met your gaze as that girl put her hand on his leg and started rubbing it up and down. Rafe didn't look like he was enjoying it, which made your heart a little more happy.

Instead, he chose to look at you. You could tell he knew you were watching him. He knows you too well for you to be able to fool him. It felt like the two of you were having a conversation without any words being said, like the room was so loud even though it actually wasn't. It felt like nothing had changed between the two of you, even though everything had changed. Except for your feelings.

"Stop it!" Sarah interrupted the moment between you and Rafe. Shit- She caught you watching him. "That's not how you ignore someone."

"I can't help it," you defended yourself.

"Do we need to go to the other side of the pool? I don't want to because there's more shade over there but if you can't ignore him then we will," she said in a motherly tone.

"No, we don't. I'll be fine," you reassured her. You didn't want to leave Rafe alone with that girl. You wanted to know if he'd moved on.

You took a sip of your drink as you went back to watching Rafe, who was still focused on you. The girl he was with noticed and looked over at you too to see who was occupying his attention. She glared at you once she saw you, then she tried to regain Rafe's attention by scooting closer to him so she was practically on his lap.

It looks could kill, you'd be dead.

"What a bitch," you whispered.

"She seems like a bitch," Sarah chimed in, and you laughed at how she, too, was watching them after she told you not to.

"She definitely is," you added.

"There's a party tonight by the way, and I invited the Pogues," she told you. "You should come, it'll help get your mind off things."

"I don't know about that," you told her.

"How would it not? You can get drunk and dance away your problems. Plus if you don't come, it won't be as fun," she said.

"I don't know, Sarah," you muttered. Again, you knew you'd give in. It was hard for you to turn down a party. And it probably would help get your mind off of Rafe, which is something you desperately needed to do.

"Please? For me?" She pleaded, sticking out her bottom lip.

You rolled your eyes at how childish she looked.

"Okay, I'll go," you agreed. "But only because I really need to get my mind off this man," you said, nodding towards Rafe.

"Yay! I knew you'd come," she exclaimed.

You took in a deep breath and sighed. Who knew what tonight would bring?

[theharrowing]

Oh no! You’re totally fine! I’ve technically been writing from a very young age. It’s always been at thing I’ve enjoyed. I just… in general have self doubt issues so it’s hard to have confidence in this one thing. I do need to work on proofreading my own stuff and hashing it out better. My first draft always seems to be just trying to get all of the ideas for the chapter slapped down in some semblance of an order, so proofreading would probably do me some good. I will just have to learn to get over the anxiety, or better manage it.

I tend to come up with my ideas from daydreams, if I’m being real so I tend to have ideas of how I want things to go, but nothing fully concrete. I also don’t necessarily plan my storylines, other than the beginning and end. Which is probably a very bad practice but it’s how my brain works. I have too many ideas all at once and kinda jump around a lot, which is why there’s only one posted.

-Brea

self doubt can really hold people down. i owe a lot to my creative writing classes (from the first time i was in college lol) for helping pull me out of that funk. i have another creative writing class starting on tuesday and i am sooooOOOoOOOOOoOOO excited hehe.

i really cannot recommend proofreading enough. and, honestly, it is okay to cringe at what you write, a little. it's all part of the improvement process. just don't forget to also note things that you think you did particularly well. i even like to keep a doc of phrases or words that i like a lot, that i tend to use, so if i am in a brain funk, i can look that over and see if anything inspires me. and bouncing sentences/ideas off of writers has helped me a LOT. sometimes i just cannot get a sentence/paragraph right and it helps to turn to another person. (i am also dyslexic, and BOY HOWDY sometimes i get words all mixed up hehehe.)

a bulk of my ideas are also from dreams/daydreams too. (and night terrors, to be honest!) it's fun to pull little threads out of whatever my subconscious is up to, to see what i can turn into a story. planning is hard. usually, i only begin to plan in the second or third act, when i decide "hey, i should like.....fucking end this, at some point???) Collateral didn't get an outline of any sort until chapter 12 or so, and it really shows hahahahaha. oh well. even sticking to an outline is hard because my characters will just...............do completely different shit. sometimes it feels like there is no controlling them; i'm simply a conduit through which their stories are told haha.

some people outline from day 1. others never do. i try to do something in between but also give myself a lot of grace to change things. and i just allow myself to be inspired along the way. i think that's the beauty of writing; we can do anything we want! 💜

#jimin-jungshook-over-literalbae #darling brea 💜 #you've got mail 💌

[kingsbridgelibraryteens]

A Librarian's Gratitude List

There are plenty of days (PLENTY of days) when it's hard for me to find something to feel grateful about. Being a librarian can be tough sometimes. Working in public service can be tough sometimes. And while we're at it, life can be tough sometimes.

That being said, I've experienced a couple of big and small things at work recently that were all kinds of awesome, so I thought I'd share them with you.

I'm happy that we have a lot of programs for the public today, and that we have enough staff to run those programs. And while we're on the subject ...

I'm happy that my colleague's drawing of an instant camera on our sign was even cuter than I expected!

I'm happy that I can still be surprised by the things I find inside library books. This morning, instead of the usual things we find like bookmarks or bookmark substitutes, I found a music program from what must have been an unusual concert:

A "Polar Opposites" concert? SOUNDS INTRIGUING!

I'm happy that I can still be surprised by the library books themselves. Just imagine me this morning confused by whether or not I already put a rubber band around this book ...

... when rubber bands are part of the cover design!!!

I'm happy that we have enough funding to get or to borrow some cool tech tools that we can use to entice kids to come to our programs, including those instant cameras:

And even a 3-D printer!

I'm happy that when I helped a woman find books about animals to read to her grandson that she really enjoyed the books I chose (including Lost in the Library: a Story of Patience & Fortitude by Josh Funk), and that she let my colleague know about it.

I'm happy that at our last Teen Advisory Group meeting, two of my oldest teens (who joined our group back in 2020 when the libraries were closed and we were running virtual programs from home) came back to have fun, hang out, and say goodbye before they head off to college.

I'm happy that, when a kid just came in looking for Captain Underpants books and I asked if he knew who the author was, his answer was a resounding CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS!!! Yes, I had to break it to him that they're actually by Dav Pilkey, but I did enjoy his answer!

I'm happy that, after I helped a patron this morning and told her to have a nice day, she said, "You certainly make other people's days better!"

And yes, I wrote that down the minute she left.

I'm not always a glass-half-full kind of person, but I DO believe that you should always try to hold on to and remember the good things in life. If nothing else, it can help to balance out the suckitude of life when you're feeling down.

As librarians, sometimes we ask ourselves big questions like "Why did I become a librarian?" or "Why did I go into public service?" or "WHAT WAS I THINKING???" Positive things like these can help us justify our career choices and help us understand that we ARE on the right path, after all.

#gratitude list #librarians #libraries #library life #things that don't suck #glass half full #Kingsbridge Library #NYPL

[radellama]

I don't think I'll ever be able to get over that specific kind of let down when you're trying to open up and explain the concept of something specific that you struggle with due to x condition or disorder and people just tell you everyone deals with that

#insert joke of 'I'm built different so i simply wouldn't struggle with x' #like man.. trying to open up and talk about stuff sucks cause no one is taking you seriously #i try to talk about anxiety and am rebuffed with 'everyone gets nervous sometimes' #but does everyone struggle with it so badly that you have to figure out your own loop holes and built yourself through feeling like shit #i try to explain what executive dysfunction is and it's all 'it's not that hard tho just do it' #but the point of what I'm saying is that you just can!! i can't i get stuck halfway through and can't progress on anything!! #i try to open up about depression and how this has been a lifelong thing that's evolved and constantly looms #and i get asked if it's just situational and that I'll get better when I'm out of certain situations #or told that I'm not trying hard enough get out of 'my funk'&that if i truly was so upset at being depressed I'd take efforts more seriously #trying to talk about autism or adhd is the worst because I've spent just under half my life researching it and trying to understand it #and been told by both my family and medical pros (who unfortunately weren't able to diagnose me) that i am?? #but because my parents were jack assess and i don't have any diagnosis it's all 'are you actually sure because x person i know..' #even with something like my issues around medical pros..i don't know if it's really accurate but honestly.. my medical trauma #that is fucking concrete!!! yet it still gets argued against! #i was ignored and talked over and kept out of the loop and told I'm not reacting properly #i had illnesses that should've been taken care of when i first went in to get help.. yet they became chronic because i wasn't tended to #in the way that i needed #that is just objective hard fact. yet it was still up for debate apparently #because drs aren't that bad they wouldn't do that #even though the personal evidence I'm giving is past tense #i dunno man I'm really feeling it tonight #i hate being talked over and fucking dismissed and what seems to be purposefully misunderstood

[veritable-trash]

Shattered Glass

Pairing: Billy Russo x F!Reader

Words: 1.3k

Warning: smut... i was uuuuuhhhh thinking... some things... the punisher does things to me billy russo does things to me i'm a mess on a monday i apologize(but not really:)) this is rougher than usual, choking, some degradation elements to be certain, but it's billy so what can ya do he's so sexyyyyyy to meeeeee

A/N: alright y'all my writing funk is not over but at least i did this! and i'm sorta happy with it... i do think there's some things that could be better BUT i wanted to put something out and this came a lot more naturally to me than anything else i've tried to start recently so gotta set this one loose. billy is hot just gonna put that out there and i was feeling a mmmmm vibe so to speak and so i wanted some freak nasty thirsty vibes with this man so hopefully some of y'all will enjoy! ok love you lots hope everyone had an ok monday and a beyond lovely week <333333 feedback is loved and appreciated even if you're mean <33333 i got time for it all <3333

p.s. i am currently rewatching the punisher because i am still very much going to be writing a multi chapter frank fic that will be long and a journey but I LOVE FRANK so this is just a little like heyo punisher is my new obsession beginning saga so i hope you enjoy fingers crossed :)))))

It was slick heat and humid air. Nails dragging along your skin. Clawing at you.

He made you sweat and it only made you want him more. Eyes jet black, hungry trailing down the lines and curves of your body as if he was appraising a work of art.

Billy was smooth like that. Silky in his movements, his tone, the way he carried himself. But there was jagged rocks hidden under the silk. Secretive and sharp waiting to cut and bite into your skin. Leaving you marked and raw, but craving his fingers to press deeper, push harder, make you cry out for him.

He sucked the air out of your lungs. Left you gasping, clawing for air all while he looked like he was carved from stone. It made you hunger for a reaction. Made you itch to make him snap. To shatter that perfect facade he held onto.

Because he cracked for you. Splintered into a million pieces while telling you how pretty you looked with his cock in your mouth. Shards of glass cutting you to pieces while he rolled his cock into your wet heat. Black eyes flaring into something feral when you told him only he could make you feel like this.

It’s how you ended up in his bed. Over and over and over again.

A text. A bar. A drink. His bed. Your bed. The bathroom. The alley. It didn’t fucking matter because the second his hands were on you it felt like torture and bliss.

Tonight it happened to be the alley behind the bar. Figures.

You look so pretty tonight baby. I love it when you dress up for me.

It started coy. You both knew he was going to fuck you. Was going to make you whine his name until you were leaking for him.

His thumbs dig circles into the plush, softness of your thigh, emphasizing the point.

He loves knowing you do it for him. Knows that you get pretty to try and make him sweat. He always noticed and it always worked.

You always smell so fucking good. I can’t fucking see straight around you, make me fucking lose my mind.

Cold brick digs into your spine, though you didn’t really fully register it. Teeth scrape sharp on your neck, catch on your collarbone. Almost distracts you from his hand crawling up your thigh, until he’s thumbing at your clit. Toying with you. You breath humid gasps into the air and he chuckles into your skin.

Open up for me sweetheart, let me see how fucking wet you are already.

It makes you keen. Makes you want to rip your nails into his skin, bite down hard enough to make him bleed just so he would understand how much he made you feel. How rough you wanted him to be. How much you wanted him to break you apart.

God I knew you would be dripping for me, so fucking good for me, such a little slut for me. I’m going to rip you to shreds.

Stars and sparkles and his fingers around your throat. The wet suck of your cunt audible over your whines, his thick fingers curving into you. You can feel his cock rocking into your thigh, hard through his slacks.

When was he going to fuck you? God you needed him to fuck you.

It was fucking hell because it was never enough. You bite at his lip pulling, yanking, needing to get him closer. The urge to eat him alive vibrating under your skin. You’d never been needy for someone, but Billy had you hooked.

Nails find purchase in this scalp, clawing at the back of his neck. His fingers rut into you, pull slick and heat and burning pleasure from deep inside of you. Have you curling into his neck, whimpering his name, tears staining his jacket.

My poor baby. Are you gonna cum? Are you gonna cum all over my fingers? I want you to. I want you to cum right here in this alley for me.

You almost scream. Gush onto his fingers, slippery and hot and still craving more. Bite into his shoulder until he groans, hips bucking into yours.

The way you clamp around his fingers, flutter and seize has him lightheaded. Edgy and needy to feel you clutch around his cock.

His cock is heavy in his hand as he pulls himself out. Running the tip of him through the wet seam of you, his already wet fingers coating him in you. His hand around your throat, eyes glued to his cock brushing against your clit, soaking in the way you whimper.

You can’t help rocking your hips into him. Yearning for that fullness.

He wants you to beg, wants to hear the hitch in your voice. The way you stutter every time he dips into you before rocking back over your clit. Teasing you like he wanted you to go insane. Like he needed to confirm every time he fucked you that only he could make your eyes glaze over.

Open your mouth for me baby. Yes, god yes, just like that. You look like a fucking picture, Jesus Christ, so fucking perfect.

He spits into your mouth and pushes into you slow, wanting to see how you react with every inch.

How your eyes flutter. How your tongue pulls him into your mouth. How he can feel your throat swallowing him down. His vision spots black as he jerks the final inches into you.

He pounds into you, hips rolling up into yours, pressing you deeper into brick you already forgot about. Your nails are on his back, his ass, drawing him into you, needing to crawl under his skin so you can feel like this forever.

You sound so pretty when you take my cock. Your cunt sounds so fucking pretty, so fucking wet. Only for me—fuck—only for me.

He’s licking into your mouth. His hand dropping to your waist, the other rolling over your clit, heating your skin. Pain and pleasure melting and weaving into each other. You can taste his moans rushing out of his throat. His words coating you in honey and glass.

He stretches and pushes and works you open till you’re a raw nerve. Till your legs are shaking and you’re gasping, pleading for something, anything. You don’t even really know what, but somehow Billy always knows.

Pulls you tighter to his chest, thumb catching your lower lip. Hips locked together as he grinds into you, deep and slick. His thumb breaches your lips, pushes against your tongue opening you up for him.

All he can do is stare at you, at the beautiful mess. Tear stained cheeks, glossy eyes, red lips, pink tongue, and moans that make heat spike in his gut. You whine around his thumb and he can’t breathe anymore. Needs you to cum on his cock more than he’s maybe needed anything in his life.

He breathes hot and heavy into your mouth. Whimpers for you as your walls start to tighten, pulling him deeper. His thumb rolls your clit one more time, cock stroking up against pure heat and you’re crashing. Clawing at his back, tearing at his jacket, at his hair. His mouth falling to yours, licking up the moans and whimpers.

You’re so silky and tight and molten and he’s losing control. Fucking into you harder as you pulse around him until he’s free falling. Cock pumping into you, filling you till he can barely stand, barely breath.

His face hides in your neck and you can feel the wetness dripping from you. He bites at your neck, light not like before, almost like he can’t help it. Needs to claim you even now. Even after he’s fucked you into next week, still needs to stamp his name on your forehead.

And you let him, because truly no one can fuck you like Billy Russo.

i know some people do like little taglists and things which is something i don't actually know how to do, BUT if anyone wants to be tagged you can let me know :) there's no pressure. also gonna maybe make a masterlist now since i've written a bit. ugh so many things to do ok love you have a good week <3333

#billy russo x you #billy russo fanfic #billy russo x reader #the punisher #netflix punisher #frank castle #ben barnes #fanfiction #punisher #billy russo

[thefloorisbalaclava]

Yesterday was very overwhelming for me. From the anons I got to the subject matter. I wouldn't call it a breakdown but it was something close to it. It was enough to worry my therapist to the point where she asked if I would feel better going somewhere for inpatient treatment. She was worried about my intrusive thoughts and suicidal ideation. I told her I'd be okay.

I'm sure this is just one of my depressive episodes rearing its ugly head after I had such a lovely time in DC. I don't want to worry anyone. I have people to talk to if I need to. I just need to get out of this hole I'm in. While I do my queue will run. I will decide what I want to do here. Deleting my links from my bio was done on a whim yesterday and I apologize if anyone has a hard time finding my masterlist. I'm gonna try my best to get myself out of this funk.

Thanks to everyone who has sent in a message of support or just checking in on me. You will hopefully understand if I don't answer right away or at all. I'm not in the right mental space at the moment but don't think that doesn't mean I'm not grateful. Your support means more than you could ever know.

#personal #suicide mention #tw suicide

[spencestyles]

Her

summary: the one where y/n is tired of being second to Maeve and Spencer needs to learn his lesson

pairing: spencer reid x BAU!femreader

warnings: angst

words: 3050

*not my gif*

~~~~~~~~~~~

To you, it had always been about her. What she did, how she looked, was all based on her. You wanted to make Spencer happy, but you could never compare to her.

"Spencer, I don't understand what I need to do," you yelled in frustration.

"There is nothing you can do y/n," Spencer yelled back. Your relationship had been going on like this for a few weeks. you knew about his past and knew about Maeve. Yes, Maeve, the girl Spencer will forever love. Within the past weeks, Spencer has become more distant from you. The five year anniversary of Maeve's death is right around the corner. Whenever this time of the year comes around, Spencer becomes heavily depressed. Every time, you just shrug it off.

"Spence, I want to help you," you said softly, exhausted from all the arguing. "Can I please help you." You worked at the BAU she joined shortly after Maeve's death. You immediately hit it off with the entire team besides Spencer. He was still different, as the rest of the team had told you.

"You can't help y/n," Spencer cried. "I just want Maeve back." Your heart dropped at the sentence. you had always felt second to Maeve, no matter how many times Spencer or the rest of the team denied it.

"I can't do that Spencer," you said calmly, trying not to anger Spencer.

"Then maybe you can start acting more like her," Spencer said angrily. "Maybe pick up a damn book instead of watching fucking Grey's Anatomy. Or maybe do something good with your life besides being pretty. I miss Maeve so much."

At this point, you were enraged, "Spencer, I am not going to change who I am because you want a dead person back. Do you understand how difficult it is for me to live through this every year? Every year you forget I'm your girlfriend and I'm alive."

"Shut up y/n. I will never love you as much as I love Maeve. You are just a filler in my life right now," Spencer screamed. You immediately began to grab her things to take to her best friend, Penelope's, house. Spencer realized what he had done and began to protest your departure from your apartment.

"y/n I didn't mean it," Spencer cried, but you were already out the door. You quickly made you way to the street when you realized you left your car keys in the apartment. You decided to walk to Penelope's as it wasn't far and you didn't want to walk back to the apartment where Spencer would be begging for his forgiveness.

As you walked to Penelope's apartment as quickly as you could, you began to feel a presence from behind. You began to walk at a faster pace, but the figure behind you was faster. Suddenly, you felt a pain in her head.

Then all you saw was darkness.

Spencer knew you would be spending the night over at Penelope's, so he didn't worry too much when you didn't come back to your shared apartment. He also knew Penelope was not going to want to talk to him, especially after what he had said. However, the next morning when he woke up, he felt uneasy. When he tried to call you, you didn't answer (not like you were going to). Spencer expected you to not answer after your encounter last night, but when you are angry you don't let the rings drag on like they had; you just cancel the call.

Spencer immediately called Penelope, "Hey Garcia is y/n with you?" Spencer heard shuffling.

"No, why?" Penelope asked. Spencer became frantic as he realized his beloved girlfriend was missing.

"Garcia we need to call 911 to the team, y/n is missing," Spencer said as he packed his bag to work and immediately ran to the car.

Once the whole team made it to the office, Spencer was worried what he would have to say to the team. He knew they would be pissed at him for what he said to you, they all knew it was a touchy subject to you. You had cried to the girls (as well as Hotch) about this issue many, many times. But they all also knew Spencer loved you, more than he loved Maeve.

"Spencer you called 911, whats up?" JJ asked.

"y/n and I got into a fight last night and she left and I thought she was going to Penelope's but she never made it to Penelope's and she isn't answering her phone," Spencer said in a rushed sentence. "It may not seem like a lot yet, but something is wrong. I can feel it."

"Now what did you two fight about?" Hotch asked sternly. You and Hotch had always been close. You had a close father daughter bond since your father died when you were a teenager.

"Please don't get mad at me. I know I screwed up," Spencer began. "But I said some really stupid things. I was in a funk last night because of the anniversary of Maeve's death and I said some stupid things. She was just trying to help me get better and I basically told her to her face she wasn't good enough. I told her I would never love her as much as I love Maeve."

At this point, Spencer had begun crying. However, the rest of the team had a mixture of shocked, disappointed, and pissed off looks on their faces. You were the baby of the team still, she was young and bubbly and she loved Spencer. Maeve was a tough situation for y/n and it eventually began to take a toll on the whole team. You would get insecure at the smallest things and had a hard time with stalker cases because of the connection to Maeve.

"Okay, this is now a running investigation," Hotch said. "We all know y/n would have texted one of us to tell us she was safe if she was okay. Spencer, my office now." Hotch was pissed. You, who was basically his daughter at that point, was missing and it was all because of Spencer. Spencer knew he fucked up, but Hotch needed to make sure Spencer knew if you were found dead, there was no way out for him.

"Spencer, I am not mad at you yet," Hotch stated calmly. "But let me tell you know and let me tell you clearly, if y/n dies because you decided to be a dick, you will not feel the end of it. We both know what it feels like to lose someone so close to you. I lost Hayley, you lost Maeve. And since then, y/n has been the best thing that has happened to both of us. So Spencer Reid, so help me god, if y/n is dead, your job will be a living hell. Leave my office now and put yourself to good use." Spencer gulped. He knew Hotch would be pissed, but didn't realize how pissed.

Everyone in the bull pin knew what had happened in Hotch's office. None of them felt bad. They knew Spencer couldn't continue to undermine the importance of you to Maeve, a dead girl. They knew how you felt, especially the girls. The countless nights you had cried to them about how you felt you would never be good enough for Spencer. They knew Spencer's constant mention of Maeve hurt you.

As Spencer walked into the bull pin, he noticed the stares. He knew they were disappointed, especially the girls. He knew Morgan would be disappointed because he was the only one who knew how much Spencer truly loved you. While you were crying to the girls, Spencer was over at Derek's trying to find ways to make it up to you, to find ways to prove to you that you were his one and only. Maeve was in the past, but sometimes her memory began to creep up in Spencer.

"Can everyone stop looking at me like a criminal," Spencer said to the team looking down. "I know what I said and I know you all are upset, but we need to find her please. I can't stand to know she may be dead and died thinking that I didn't love her. Because I do. More than I ever loved Maeve and I messed up. I need to save her." The team looked at Spencer with sorrow in their eyes. They knew he was right. They needed to stop holding a grudge and get to work. None of them could live knowing they didn't do everything they could to save you.

"Spencer is right, Garcia start looking at security cameras from the area we found y/n's phone," Hotch began ordering. "Reid I need you to make a list of everyone who you and y/n have been in contact with for the past few months. Everyone else, we need to start looking for similar cases and try to figure out a profile."

The whole team got to work. Spencer looked through his phone as well as his and y/n's emails. While looking through your emails he found a strange set of emails from an unknown email address. This was strange to Spencer, he knew you never kept anything from the team especially if it were to be suspicious.

"Garcia, I need you to trace these emails," Spencer said, walking quickly to Garcia's office.

"Reid did you find something?" Hotch asked.

"I'm not sure," Spencer replied. "But it's strange for y/n to have these emails in a separate file. It's like she didn't want us to find them."

"Or she wanted us to find them in a situation like this," Hotch said. "Garcia look into these emails now, we may have our unsub."

------

You laid on a musty mattress that smelled of human feces and blood. You couldn't remember anything. You knew what had happened to you, Spencer told you he didn't love you as much as Maeve and you walked to Penelope's house. By the looks of it, you never made it to Penelope's. Soon enough the figure you felt behind you on your walk was in front of you.

"Well if it isn't y/n y/l/n," the person said. "My name is Cat. Cat Adams. You are here because you are keeping me from Spencer. I knew that if I kidnapped you, Spencer would come looking and I'd get to see his beautiful face again."

"I know who you are, Cat," you said aggressively. "I helped put your ass in jail, but from the looks of it you escaped."

"That I did," Cat laughed. "Its easy when you're fucking the guards." You felt a gross feeling in your stomach. You knew what was going to happen to you, but you also knew if she died, she wouldn't die until she could see Spencer one last time.

Suddenly, you felt a sharp pain at the left side of your waist. You looked at Cat and who was looking at her straight in the eyes. Cat had won.

------

However, back at the BAU, Spencer knew something in the emails sounded familiar.

I love him more than you do.

He will be mine forever.

There was only one woman in your relationship together that would be this judgemental, Cat Adams. Spencer knew she too made your life miserable. The thought of Cat to you was almost as gut wrenching as the thought of Maeve. You knew Cat and Spencer had a strange connection, it would often worry you; especially when Cat would request to meet with Spencer.

"Its Cat," Spencer yelled. "Hotch its Cat Adams." Everyone looked at Spencer shocked. The team was never told of Cat escaping prison.

"I need to call the prison," Hotch said. "Garcia, start looking at Cat Adams whereabouts, aliases, or anything. I have a feeling Spencer is right." Garcia immediately started looking as Hotch called the prison.

"Spencer is right," Hotch said. "Cat escaped less than a week ago."

"I found it," Garcia screamed. "Cat is at a warehouse less than three miles from here. Go quickly and save my best friend." The team ran out of the building and sprinted to their cars. Spencer was nervous. He had a feeling in the back of his head that his girlfriend was dead.

Immediately after getting into the car, the team receives a call from Garcia, "Cat has a partner. His name is Jackson Donovan. He has a criminal record and its not good. Spencer I should also mention he is Maeve's brother. You know, your dead girlfriend." Spencer was shocked. He never knew Maeve had a brother, but he knew that you may not get out of this alive. And it would be his fault. The team arrived at the warehouse.

"Spencer you're not allowed in," Hotch said. "You are too close to y/n."

"Hotch that's so not fai-" Spencer began.

"Reid I'm not going in either." Spencer didn't listen and ran into the building with Hotch yelling behind him. Hotch decided it was no use and ran in also, he needed to see you alive one more time.

"Cat Adams and Jackson Donovan, FBI put your hands up," Morgan yelled. The sight they ran into was gruesome. You had been badly beaten. Suddenly, Spencer walked in with tears in his eyes. The love of his life was dying, you looked sick. You hadn't eaten in over a day, since you and Spencer had planned on going out for a nice dinner the night of your fight.

"Well if it isn't Spencer Reid," Jackson said. "The guy my sister couldn't stop talking about. I know how you must feel, the love of your life is gone and you need a good fuck. So you decide to go for the second best thing. She's a good shag, I'm not sure if you've been fucking her right though, shes pretty tight."

"Stop, please," you pleaded. For the first time, the team saw you true pain. You were broken. Not only had your boyfriend say he didn't love you, you had been mentally and emotionally abused by these two people who wanted to ruin Spencer.

"Shut up three," Cat laughed. "Spencer, do you like the name? Three. Do you know what it means?" Spencer shook his head. "It means that y/n is your third choice. You lost Maeve, you can't have me -well you could-, so you're stuck with her. She's nothing, she's the third choice. That's why she acts so strange. Did you know that at the beginning of your relationship she stopped eating to be skinnier for you. She always felt second to Maeve and me."

"Shut up Cat, please," you said hoarsely.

"Three, do I have to tell you again," Cat said. At this point the team was beyond confused, they needed either of them to do something in order for them to stop.

"Cat, come on let's talk about this," JJ said.

"I'll only talk to Spencer," Cat said with a smirk on her face. Suddenly, the team saw Jackson make a lunge with a knife towards you, angry that Cat only wanted Spencer. Morgan took the shot swiftly as Reid handcuffed Cat.

Hotch ran over to you, "y/n, sweetie, are you okay? What do you need." You began to close your eyes. "Hey, hey, hey, don't close your eyes. You're going to be fine. MEDIC! We need a medic now!" The team felt tears in their eyes as they saw the paramedics rush to tend to you.

"Hotch can I go wit-" Spencer started.

"Go Spencer, apologize." Spencer ran to the ambulance.

"She is my girlfriend, please let me stay," Spencer begged, the medics let him stay. Spencer grabbed your hand and looked at your half closed eyes. "y/n if you can hear me, I didn't mean anything I said. I love you more than anything. I love the way you can watch a show and tell me all about it even though I watched with you. I love that you can put up with me when I'm in my episodes and the fact you don't care that I may be a paranoid schizophrenic. I love that you listen to my rambles even if you have heard them before."

"Sir, sorry to interrupt, but is there any chance your girlfriend may be pregnant," Spencer thought for a minute.

Spencer's eyes shot down at you as he heard a loud breath, "S-S-Spencer, save the baby," you said between breaths. Spencer looked at you shocked. His girlfriend was pregnant and he didn't notice. He began to think back to before your argument and the things you said. "Spencer I have a surprise for you, I think you're going to like it." Spencer's heart dropped as he heard the heart monitor flatline.

"We need her in OR 3 now," one of the doctors said. "Sir, you need to go to the waiting room, someone will be out to give you an update soon." Spencer was stunned, his girlfriend and child may die and he would have to live with the guilt of not being good enough.

Spencer walked into the waiting room and saw the rest of the team, "Jackson and Cat are being held, any updates on y/n?" Hotch asked.

"They had to take her to surgery, she flatlined in the ambulance," Spencer said, his voice breaking. "She's pregnant." The team sat quiet.

"We all already knew Spencer," Rossi said. "Earlier in the day before you guys got into your fight, she told us. She was so excited and she wanted to tell you in the most perfect way."

"I told her to just come out and say it like Hayley did to me," Hotch laughed. "It caught me by surprise but was the most meaningful statement I'd ever heard." The team smiled at Hotch, but looked at Spencer who looked the worst he ever has. None of the team had seen him look this bad. Not even with Maeve. Soon enough, most of the team left. Hotch had to go to Jack and JJ to her kids. Derek had a date with his girlfriend and the rest of them needed their sleep.

"Spencer," Emily said. "Please text us when she wakes up." Spencer nodded, which was enough for both of them this late into the night.

Less than ten minutes later y/n's doctors came into the waiting room, "Here for y/n y/l/n?" Spencer stood up.

"Hi," Spencer said, walking over to them. "I'm her boyfriend."

"Well she is doing well right now, we were worried at first. She flatlined twice on the operation board." Spencer let out a breath he did not know he was holding.

"She was pregnant, what about the baby?" Spencer asked, hoping that y/n was still carrying their unborn child.

"The baby is being monitored, but it looks as if the baby is almost four months along meaning there is a low chance of the baby getting hurt. However, the baby was under a lot of stress from the abduction." The doctor began to show Spencer to your room. Spencer couldn't help but wonder if he caused any of the stress on the baby. The things he said most definitely caused you an enormous amount of stress.

As Spencer walked into the room, he couldn't help but shed a tear. You had wires around your body and you looked bad. Not bad, but like you were just kidnapped.

Spencer texted the team, y/n is out of surgery. She and the baby are okay. The team didn't respond as it was three in the morning.

Spencer heard shuffling next to him. He looked over at you and saw you move slightly, your hand moving to her stomach. For the first time, he looked over at your stomach and noticed you bump. He was shocked he hadn't seen it before, it was very prominent. Well it was what he'd expect for four months.

"y/n I know you most likely can't hear me or you don't want to listen, but I need you to know I love you" Spencer began. "You are the best thing that has happened to me, I know you always feel second to Maeve, but she is a part of my past. You y/n, you are my present and my future. I confided in you when I was at my lowest, when I was in jail you were there. You and our baby. Holy shit we are going to have a kid." Spencer paused when he heard a giggle. He looked over to y/n, she had a smile on her face.

"Hi" y/n said.

"Oh my God you're awake" Spencer said with tears in his eyes. "I thought I lost you."

"You're never getting rid of me" y/n giggled. "Actually, maybe if you act like that again. I will leave you and take your child." You glared at Spencer, remembering why you were in this situation.

"I'm sorry about what I said to you," Spencer cried. "I love you, I love you so much. I'm going to do everything for this baby and everything to make this up to you."

"You better."

#criminal minds oneshot #criminal minds one shot #spencer reid one shot #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid

[beelsbaby]

Rhino Beetle

Iwaizumi x Fem!Reader

wc: 1735

Warnings: None! :))

I love Iwa-Chan so much and I just want to show him so love🥺

I hope you guys enjoy the fic🥰

Iwaizumi grunted as he walked alongside Oikawa, who was going on about how “horrible” Kentaro had been at practice the day before. He was more occupied watching how the snow fell gracefully upon the school grounds. 

  “Iwa-chan! Are you even listening?” Oikawa complained when he finally realized his friend wasn’t looking at him. 

  “No, obviously.” Iwaizumi grunted back.

  “You never listen to me, Iwa-chan, as your captain you should—”

  Iwaizumi immediately turned his head when he heard a shriek coming from a few feet behind him. He turned to see you on the ground. He recognized you. Y/n. You were in his class. Of course he knew you, you were beautiful, extremely kind, and one of the top students in the class. You were planted on the ground, with all your belongings scattered around you, while your giggling friends rushed to pick you up. 

  “Iwaaaa! You're not listening! You break my—” Oikawa turns to see his friend is no longer next to him, so he looks around to find him, smirking at the sight when he finally located him. 

  “You're so clumsy, Y/n!” One of your friends giggled as she cautiously walked over to you. You gave her a small laugh as you tried to stand, only to fall back down on your butt. Your fiends all started to laugh again until suddenly, they simultaneously stopped. 

  “Excuse me ladies.” You look up to see Iwaizumi Hajime, the ace of the volleyball team, looking at you. 

  “O-oh! Iwaizumi-san! What’s wrong?” Your friend stutters out. He looked at her and then at you. 

  “Are you alright, Y/n-chan?” 

  Your friends look at him in shock. The team’s ace was a pretty intimidating guy. He usually carries a scowl on his face and beats the poor captain. Yet here he is, asking if you were okay. 

  “Yes, I’m okay, just a little fall.” You giggle out nervously. Unlike your friends who found him intimidating, you always thought he was attractive. 

  Iwaizumi extends his hand to you, which you hesitantly take. He lifts you up like it’s nothing, gently putting you back on your feet. Your friends scatter to pick up your belongings. 

  “T-thank you!” You squeal out, not feeling confident enough to look up at his handsome face. He looks at you with a small frown. 

  “You’re afraid of me.” He states. 

  Your head shoots up to see him looking down at you with his arms crossed.

  “W-what?” You look at him with wide eyes.

  He scoffs, “Tch. Sorry I wasn't Oikawa.” He turns arounds and walks into the school building. You try to call after him but he was already gone.

  Iwaizumi always thought you were smart and really pretty, so when he saw you in need of help he thought it was the perfect opportunity to come to your aid. But you couldn't even look him in the eyes. He knew he was pretty intimidating, he’s heard the whispers about him. The Scary Ace of Aoba Johsai. He just thought that maybe you’d think he was just a regular guy. You had always been so nice to everyone, but of course you’d think he was scary. You probably liked Oikawa. Who didn’t. 

  “Iwachaaaan! Who was the pretty girl you helped? You have a secret girlfriend, Iwa-chan?” Oikawa wiggled his eyebrows at Iwaizumi.

  “No, Shittykawa. Obviously not.” He scowled. Oikawa cocked his head in confusion, “What do you mean, Iwa-chan?”

  “I mean, why would she like me? All I am is your scary vice captain.” He said through gritted teeth. Oikawa sighed at his best friend, “Not true!” 

  Oikawa had never seen Iwaizumi look so down before, especially not for a girl. He had to fix this. 

  “I’ll see you later, Iwa-chan, i see some of my fans waiting to escort me to class!” Oikawa said. 

  “You better not be late to your class, Trashykawa!” exclaimed Iwaizumi. 

  Oikawa looks over to the opposite side of the hall, he spots you and a friend walking up the stairs. He smirks and saunt his way over to you.

  “Hey pretty ladies!”

  You look up to see Oikawa Toru smirking down at you and your friend.

   “O-oikawa-kun! Good morning!” Your friend stutters out. You playfully roll your eyes, all of your friends had a crush on Oikawa. Sure, he was cute, but you just seemed to like a certain scowling ace.

  “Good morning, Oikawa. Is there something you need?” You greet. 

  He smiles brightly, no doubt making your friend’s heart stop.

  “Well, I’m going to get straight to the point. Are you scared of Iwa-chan?” He asked.

  You widen your eyes in shock. Did Iwaizumi really think you were scared of him? This was a huge misunderstanding, you weren’t scared of him at all! 

  “N-no! Not at all, Oikawa-san! Does he really think that?” You say

  “Yup.” Oikawa nods at you.

  “No, it's not that I’m scared of him, it’s that… nevermind, just tell him I am so so sorry! I'm not scared of him.” You sigh as you try to walk away.

  Oikawa chuckles, “So you like him.”

  You freeze at his statement. He wasn’t asking you, he was stating it. 

  “You should tell him you're not afraid of him yourself. Poor guy is in a nasty little funk.” 

  “Maybe you’re right, I’ll tell him after class.” You nod. Maybe Oikawa had a point, you didn’t want to make Iwaizumi feel bad over something that wasn’t true. You just hoped he wasn’t upset with you. 

  “Fantastic! Let me know how that goes!” Oikawa exclaims. 

  “Okay?” You say, confused that he’s so invested in the situation. 

  “Well, class is about to start, catch you later pretty ladies” Oikawa says as he throws a wink to your friend. 

  “I can’t believe The Oikawa Toru talked to us, Y/n! This is the best day of my life!” She squealed.

  “You’re ridiculous.” You mutter out playfully as you walk into your class. 

  You walked into your class, straight to your desk, not catching how Iwaizumi’s eyes wistfully followed you until you reached your seat. He wished you weren't so afraid of him. You were the only girl he’d ever like this much. Whenever he’d see you, even from a distance, his palms would go all sweaty. He wasn’t sure if he should be relieved or disappointed that he’d never seen you at one of his games. Relieved that he wouldn’t embarrass himself in front of you but disappointed that you haven’t seen him in his element. 

   As the class came to an end, you quickly gathered your belongings. You wanted to catch Iwaizumi before he disappeared into the sea of students. You see him get up and walk towards the door.

  “Wait, Iwazumi!” You cling onto his volleyball jacket sleeve.

  You feel him come to a halt, slowly turning around. He looked down at you and raised his brow, “Y/n-chan? What do you want?” He was confused, you were so scared this morning, what did you want?

 “I wanted to apologize.. For this morning, I’m afraid I gave you the wrong impression! I talked to your friend, Oikawa-san, and he told me you were upset, I’m so sorry!” You say bashfully.

 So that’s why you were talking to him. Oikawa probably shot you his signature smile and asked you to apologize to him. And you probably fell for it, too. But he didn’t need your fake apology. Iwaizumi pulled his sleeve out of your grasp, “Whatever.” He grunted. He shot you one more quick glance and started to walk away.

  “Wait, Iwaizumi!” You called after him. He ignored you, almost wanting to return back, your siren-like voice practically begging for him to come back. You look at him, knowing you had to do something, anything, to call him back. As you follow him out to the hallway, you glance down at his bookbag, noticing a dangling keychain.

  “Rhino beetle!” You yell out to him, gathering some strange looks from those who heard you.

  Iwaizumi halts completely, did you just call him a rhino beetle? 

  He turns around to face you, you take the opportunity to quickly jog up to him. 

  “Did you just call me a rhino beetle?” He stares at you incredulously. You give him a little giggle and he feels the world come to a stop. He’s never heard such a beautiful sound. 

  “No, I mean the little rhino beetle on your bookbag.” You said while trying to hold in your laugh. He looks down at his beetle keychain. Oh.

  “Oh… You know about the rhinoceros beetle?” He asked. 

  You nod, “Yeah! Honestly, I think they’re a little cute, like little tiny baby rhinos.”

  You thought an insect was… cute? Iwaizumi wanted to marry you right then and there.

  “Iwaizumi, I’m not afraid of you, by the way. I never was afraid of you. You do make me nervous, but not because I'm scared.” You confess.

  “You make me a little nervous, too.” He responds while scratching the back of his neck.

  “Why?” You give him a small smile.

  Iwaizumi blushes a little, “Well, you're very.. Uh.. pretty and you're smart. Your intelligence is really admirable.”

  “I think you're very pretty, too… wait no, not pretty, uh… attractive.” You let out a small cough to cover up your embarrassment. 

  Iwaizumi smiles at you. It must be his lucky day. 

  “Hey, do you want to maybe come to my place after practice? I have a book of different insect species we can read about… if you want?” He asks you.

  You smile up at him, “Sure, that sounds like fun! But on one condition?” You respond.

  “What’s the condition?” He asked, a little wary of your condition. 

  “Can I watch you practice? If that’s not too weird!” You ask.

  You wanted to watch him practice? Oh, he’ll definitely be at his absolute best today.

  “Yeah, you can definitely come watch. I’ll.. um.. spike pretty hard for you.”

  “You better!” You laugh.

  He chuckles along with you, “Oh, I definitely will.”

  You both walk in a comfortable silence towards the cafeteria until you both heard someone running up behind you. 

  “Oh, Iwa-chaaan! What’s all this?” Oikawa asks while getting in between you both, wrapping his arms over both of your shoulders.

  “Damn you, Shittykawa! Why don’t you go bother someone else?!” Iwaizumi yells as he smacks his friend’s head. You just giggle and roll your eyes. No matter how scary Iwaizumi tried to be, you’d always find him absolutely adorable. He really was a rhino beetle after all.

✨Request are open for fics, hcs, and scenarios! ✨

Please don’t steal my work :)

#iwaizumi x reader #iwazumi imagine #haikyuu iwaizumi #oikawa x reader #oikawa tōru #oikawa imagine #iwaizumi fluff #iwaizumi hajime #haikyuu!! #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu fic #bokuto imagine #kuroo tetsuro imagine #kenma imagine #wakatoshi ushijima #ushijima imagine #sugawara imagine #akaashi imagine #asahi imagine #tobio kageyama imagine #hinata shoyo imagine #aoba johsai #anime #anime imagines #fluff #lev haiba imagine #kentarou x reader #haikyuu fluff #tsukishima imagine

[soup-du-silence]

I feel like questions depend on what kind of funk you're in, if you wanna escape reality or chat I guess, so I'm giving options haha

Have you had any nice food lately? What's your go-to meals for treating yourself? What music are you listening to lately?

I don't have any particular questions I think, but I'm curious to know more about your writing process for GOK because I adore that fic to death and kind of want to know everything about how your brain works (even if that sounds creepy) How much structure did you have down before writing? What scenes were the hardest, and what were the easiest? Also just personal curiosity since my country neighbors to Sweden, why's Kjell swedish, do you have any connections to Sweden? this sounds like I'm coming for you HAHA but I'm just curious, its not often you get random Swedes in fics at all

also I scrolled your blog more than I have before and love absolutely everything you've written about headcanons, particularly the nsfw ones

oh man....i wish I could give some sort of insight into what was happening when I wrote GOK but if I knew what the fuck I was channeling when it was happening I'd have some kind of idea how to replicate it. A big part of it was always that Kenna's playlist made me feel Big Things about Alberto and I wanted so badly to put into words how insane her song choices made me feel. Like "why would you even choose these songs that are so obviously about unrequited love if thats not whats happening here do you think Im fucking stupid, Im going to lose my mind" and also when I started writing it I was frustrated with how slim the pickings were in the tag so I just wrote something that was transparently and unabashedly For Me. Now there's a lot of really good stuff out there that frankly makes me feel like a fraud and like I'm sitting at the kids' table. So it's been hard to get that drive back.

(I've been trying to work on something E-rated and hitting a wall on it which is disappointing because I think it would have been fun, but i think my whole "honest guys i'm actually not horny irl i promise" thing is catching up with me. I'm just not allo enough to commit to/be interested in/understand the kind of sex it calls for. Maybe I'll have to dial it back at start writing awkward teenage fumbling and work my way up from there.)

oh.....my god I dont remember why Kjell is Swedish?????? I think....I looked at a map of Europe and decided I wanted a boy who came from far enough away that he would look and feel distinctly Foreign to Alberto, so I settled on Sweden. I waffled a bit on where he was studying, he floated between France and Germany for a while, then I decided he was a music student so he landed in Austria. When my Italian sensitivity reader told me that Nordic people fucking loooove vacationing in northern italy, I knew Id made a good choice.

Fun fact: I know how Kjell is pronounced (Shell) but I literally cannot stop reading it how it looks to me. "Kyell." Im sorry, Swedes.

[luca-moreno]

Look. Marie is probably gonna have my balls for this but listen. I'm going to say the thing everyone else is thinking but doesn't have the guts to say. Think of it as 'tough love' if that helps at all. Okay. Here we go.

Kiss him. Or shut the fuck up.

-sincerely the Berlin collective

(helpimsosorry) (thisisahotmess) (justlikeLuca) (alsolong) (sorry) -- Thurman and Braun eye Luca, currently wrapped up like a burrito on the floor of the observation lounge. Thurman nudges him gently with his boot. “You alright in there, Moreno?”

“Lemme alone,” comes the muffled response. “I’m dying.”

They look over at Harris and Davis, perched together on the couch while the stars swirl outside. They wear matching raised eyebrows but it’s Braun that asks in a lowered tone, “What’s wrong with him?”

Harris doesn’t bother to look up from the datapad she holds in her hand or the obnoxiously loud Blasto game she’s playing. Davis leans over her shoulder, offering advice that Harris steadfastly ignores. 

“He’s freaking out about the thing again,” she shrugs.

“The thing?”

“The thing.” 

“Oh.” Braun nods sagely then exchanges a confused glance with Thurman.

“What’s the thing?”

Harris pauses the game to look up and Davis snatches the pad out of her hands. “Wait. So you guys haven’t heard?”

“Heard what? The commander’s had us running drills for the past twelve hours. Where the fuck were you two on it, by the way?” 

“Oh my god,” Davis grabs Harris’s arm then cackles before returning to the game. “They don’t know.”

“Nope.”

Thurman rubs the back of his neck and squints, suddenly uneasy. “Not the…”

“No! Not the… other thing. This is the phoenix thing.”

“Oh.” Thurman walks away, immediately bored. 

Braun, however, leans his big frame closer. Blue eyes sparkle curiously. “What phoenix thing?”

The Blasto game starts up again and Harris snarls in exasperation, then half clambers over Davis to reach it. “Will you shut that thing off?”

“I’m dying,” comes another muffled moan from the floor that everyone ignores. “In case anyone cares.”

Braun reaches down to pluck the datapad from between the two squabbling girls and lifts it out of their reach. Harris snarls. “Hey!”

“Braun, give it back!”

“Someone tell me what’s going on. Why does Luca think he’s dying?”

“Hurricane planted one on him then ghosted,” Davis informs him helpfully. “He’s been lying on the floor crying about it for two days.”

“Boo fucking hoo,” Harris bitches, crossing her arms tight across her chest and pouts dramatically. “’A phoenix kissed me.’ We should all be so lucky.”

“Or not,” Thurman mutters from the doorway. 

Braun slowly lowers his arm, but Harris isn’t satisfied with that and half climbs up him to reach the datapad he’s holding hostage instead. “Ah. That thing.”

“Yeah. That thing.”

There’s another moan from the floor.

-- 

Isaac knows it’s going to be bad when Davis shows up on the doorstep to his quarters and deposits Luca into his care with an eye roll and not a single word.

He leads Luca, burrito blanket and all, towards the couch.

“Luca,” Eva sits up quickly, tucking her book away. “Are you sick?”

“I’m dying,” Luca mumbles as Isaac plants a hand on one shoulder and guides him down onto the couch. He tries to catch Eva’s eye as Luca flops face first down onto the cushions.

“Do I need to call Dr Lyons?” he asks carefully.

Luca’s is reply is muffled and pathetic. “No.” A pause, then. “Two doors.”

Eva’s lips twitch as Isaac visibly relaxes and he sighs inwardly, thinking of the quiet evening he was hoping to have and the shower still calling his name after a long, dragging shift in the CIC. But he’ll always make time for Luca.

“Do you want to talk about it, son?”

There’s another heavy sigh from the blanket. “No.”

Isaac waits a beat for Luca to say more but when it’s clear he’s not going to, he clears his throat lightly. He’d put credits down that this has something to do with Phoenix Roosevelt and Luca’s very obvious, and possibly unrequited crush. Where did this fall in the handbook? He wonders briefly to himself if he’s not above getting Miller to handle it. 

And he would, if it wasn’t Luca.

Eva touches his hand and motions her head towards the shower. I’ve got this, she mouths. He doesn’t take his eyes off her.

“Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it, Luc?” he tries one more time. 

A pathetic moan is the only response he gets and Eva hides her silent laugh behind her hand. “Go,” she says softly. “I’ll talk to him.”

Isaac glances between the prone shape beside her and his private, glorious bathroom and decides since there’s no immediate danger, he’s within his rights to take Eva up on her offer.  

Plus, Eva will get more out of him anyway.

“Alright,” he nods gratefully then offers Luca a conciliatory pat on the shoulder as he slips away.

--

Eva brushes a hand over Luca’s curls and mentally counts to ten, except that she only gets to three before Luca is rolling over and suddenly pulling himself upright. 

The blanket pools around him and his hair sticks up in wild disarray around his face. 

“Okay. I lied. I’m not dying and I do want to talk about it.”

Eva nods. “Alright.” ”Uh. So you know that thing… that I told you about… that happened?”

“The thing?”

“Yes,” Luca half glares at her, wondering if she’s teasing him. She is, just a little, but only because Luca’s angst over a simple meeting of mouths was a delightful distraction from her own worries. ”The thing.”

“Ah,” Eva says knowingly, her lips twitching. “The thing being the kiss. With a capital K… With Ben.” 

Luca’s mouth works silently for a moment before he groans and slumps backwards. 

“The Kiss. Yes. Well, I mean… I think it was a kiss. There was a definite-“ Luca closes his eyes and puckers his lips dramatically before moving on, “-but I don’t know. I mean… We were working out, he was trying to teach me stuff but then we fell and I thought... well, maybe I was dreaming, like maybe I had slapped myself with the staff and I didn’t realise it? Or maybe I hit him too hard and I rattled his brain and he didn’t really know what he was doing... Or, maybe it was just an accident-“ 

“You think he might have accidently kissed you?”

“Why not? It happens!” He eyes her shrewdly then. “Right?” 

“I wouldn’t know,” she says carefully and Luca pauses to snort ungracefully before continuing. 

“The point is,” he goes on, getting really warmed up now. “It must have been bad, right? The kiss? I mean, he charged away. Like… an actual charge, Eva. Biotics and all, he was that keen to get away from me. Just. Poof. Gone. I’m surprised my eyebrows didn’t get singed-“ 

Eva laughs. “You know it doesn’t work like that, Luca.” 

“Shh, not important,” he waves that pesky fact away dismissively but then he falters and gives her a mock growl. “– and stop. I’m trying to have a moment here, and you’re ruining my dramatical meltdown.”

That causes her to muffle her laughter into a cushion she’s forced to snatch up from the couch. One of the pretty sparkly ones she had eyed off on Asteria and Isaac had bought behind her back to surprise her.

“I’m sorry,” she says formally as she schools her face into something suitably serious and lowers the cushion to her lap. “– please, Luca. Continue.”

He huffs. “Well. No. Now I’ve lost my place. Thanks a lot, I was really working up to something there.”

“The kiss?” she prompts, trying not to laugh again.

“OH SWEET KHALAHIRA, THE KISS.” 

He spins, then flops dramatically down beside her. “Eva,” he whines her name like a toddler begging for a treat. It’s enough to make her sigh. “What do I do?”

“Maybe you could... Hmm. I don't know... No. It’s too crazy. You wouldn’t want to know about it.”

“What? What is it? Is it another one of your funky breathing techniques? Some asari thing? Can it read minds?!”

“Well, it’s very complicated. But it just might help you.”

“What?! Tell me. Eva!”

“.... you could try talking to him.”

Luca is aghast and horrified all at once. “NO?? Why would I do that?”

“It has to be better than…” she waves a hand and eyes him critically. “Whatever this is.”

“A crisis, Eva. This is a crisis. Of epic proportions. On a scale of one to reapers this is.. I dunno, what's worse than reapers trying to wipe out the entirety of galactic civilization?” 

Eva doesn't want to think about that last part. “Well, I think it’s sort of sweet if you ask me," she says instead. "Ben’s nice. He’s not at all what I expected. And he obviously cares about you. Why else would he be trying to hit you with a stick to make you better in combat?”

Luca makes a strangled sound halfway between a snort and a cackle. “He just doesn’t want to have to carry me back to the LZ over his shoulder when a dragoon gets me. I bet he could too.”

Eva has to bite the inside of her cheek not to laugh at Luca’s dreamy expression. “I’m sure he wouldn’t even break a sweat.”

Luca seems tremendously interested in that mental image for a few seconds before he falls back into his funk. He tucks himself in against her and she can sense he’s working up to something entirely new. 

“What did you do?” he asks after a minute, quiet and subdued. “You know, with the captain?” 

Eva smiles at the memory in spite of herself. “Well, hmm. For starters… I guess I kissed him back.”

Luca scrambles up and gathers up a cushion to hug it to himself as he slides her a sideways glance. 

“Yeah? And did you teleport out of the room immediately afterwards?”

Eva can’t help it, she dissolves into giggles and Luca whacks her gently with the pillow.

“No…”

“SEE!” 

He picks up his faithful blanket and hauls it over his head until the only thing that she can see is his curls. 

“This is so stupid. I’m so stupid. I’m just gonna pretend it never happened.”

“Luca. I’m sure it’s fine. It’s just a kiss. It’s a good thing. I don’t understand. I thought this was what you wanted?”

His head peaks up, eyes dark pools over the blanket’s trim. “I don’t know. I mean… yes? But also… no? Yes. Um. Definitely yes? No… Oh, no.”

“Now you’re confusing me. What is it that you actually want, Luc?”

He grows very quiet for a moment and Eva allows him to sit with his thoughts. He was getting better with his focus. The meditations he’s been doing with her in the quiet off hours are definitely helping.. at least she hopes.

“It is… I think. I just… I don’t want to mess it up, Eva,” he says, his voice small. “I really like him. He’s my friend, so it’s not just… well, you know-“

He does something with his eyebrows that has her wanting to laugh again, but she stifles that urge in case he whacks her with the cushion again, “-but he’s just… He makes me feel… I don’t know. Like I’m capable of important things even though I’m not special like him... or you…”

“Because you are, Luc. Don’t sell yourself short.” 

“I know that and I’m not. I mean. Not really. I’m just… How can you want something so badly but be so scared to reach for it? It doesn’t make sense... but then what if you do… and then everything gets all messed up and then you don’t even have a friend anymore and things get all weird and awkward and plus I know he's still missing them and I can’t-“ 

Eva feels the ache inside her as she reaches for him and tugs him into a hug, effectively cutting him off before he spirals once again. He leans into her miserably, his soft hair tickling the side of her jaw. 

“Luca,” she says it on a sigh, because this… this hits too close to home and how can she encourage him to give himself over to something that might be so beautiful… but has the potential to hurt so much too?

He snuffles lightly into her chest. “I need someone to send me a sign,” he mutters. “Something from the universe to tell me what to do.”

He’s barely finished saying the words when his omnitool beeps with an incoming message. He pulls away to read it and she lets him go. 

“Huh? What the… Why is Ajax mess- ohfuck-“ 

“Well,” Eva laughs at his horrified expression as she reads the scrolling text over his shoulder. “I guess that’s your sign, Luc.”

--

Ben opens the door to his quarters and the first thing Luca does is grab his shirt and pull him close. Except, that’s not actually what happens because Ben is more solid than he looks and Luca ends up losing his balance and falling into his chest with a small grunt instead.

Ben catches him with a confused look. “Luca?”

“Um. Look,” Luca starts, hands still tangled in Ben’s shirt, close enough to breathe him in and see the way the vanguard’s eyes glow in the low light of the hallway. “So... there’s a million things I want to say and all of them are probably stupid, but… you kissed me and I don’t know what that means and I can only hope it means what I want it to mean, but if it doesn’t mean what I want it to mean then that’s okay too and I hope this doesn’t change anything because I really like being your friend but just once, just once, I want... to.. do.. this...” Luca traps Ben’s face gently between his palms... and kisses him. 

#this is the worst thing i've ever written #eva novakov #isaac cerrillo #scooter roosevelt #scquad shenanigans #luca moreno #pls just go ahead and blame this on the cold and flu meds ok #this is a hot mess #just like luca

[nerdmars]

Bruno Mars and Anderson .Paak have been waiting for years to unleash Silk Sonic on the world. And you can tell they're in the mood to party now that their finger-snapping, slinky debut R&B jam "Leave the Door Open" is out.

Speaking to Apple Music's Zane Lowe on Friday (March 5), the mimosa-sipping pals broke down the group's origins, what it felt like to work together in-person and how they roped bass-slapping funk legend Bootsy Collins into the mix.

Mars said one of the songs on the album dates back to a phrase he came up with on tour in 2017, that quickly morphed into a hook that "snowballed" into seriously intense studio sessions. "It was like, 'Well, want to come back tomorrow?'" Mars told Lowe. "And we kept coming up with music. It felt like why you fall in love with music in the first place. And jamming with your buddy… There’s no plan, just working out the parts and trying to excite each other... that's why this wouldn't happen if it didn't make sense and it didn't feel natural and organic. This was a series of events that led us to 'Man, why don't we just do it?'"

That initial idea turned into a friendship, which morphed into a realization that they loved a lot of the same music and then, hitting the studio. The pandemic, of course, threw a wrench into their plans, but instead of trying to make music long-distance, .Paak said they decided to get in the studio face-to-face.

"When you get in and you can jam with someone and other artists that could hold it down and you're bouncing, that's different," AP said. "That's the difference and you're really creating a groove from scratch. You guys are trying to figure out what's going to work. What's the math behind this that's going to get everybody feeling good? What is it? Is it too heavy? Is it not heavy enough? And especially with this song, it's a song that requires so much patience and delicate..." Mars jumps in: "Delicatessen," with .Paak adding, "Delicatessens. A lot of meat went into this song."

Because both men are allergic to being regular, they knew they needed to get Parliament/Funkadelic thumper Collins -- who Mars referred to as "the definition of a superstar" -- into the mix. "There's so many artists that you could see that grew up on him. And me and Andy being a couple of guys that just grew up loving that," he said of the pair's mutual admiration of Bootzilla. "And we thought it'd be incredible if we could dream up a dream set list and we, that was our model in the studio, 'Alright, well, let's create the set list of doom, who would be the ultimate host that could thread all these songs together?' And thank God for Bootsy."

As for Mars' legendary perfectionist streak, .Paak said the last person he collabed who worked him to death so hard was his original mentor, Dr. Dre. "This dude doesn't listen to music like regular people, you know, people get lost? And he can't, he can’t," .Paak said of Mars. "A lot of people do collabs these days, but I don't think they understand what it's like to go in and get work with someone that's challenging everything.” Like, 'Did we do this right? Did we do this right? Should we try this right?' You know for me, a lot of it is about having fun, but he was really the first person, the first period of bringing it to my attention that sometimes you got to go through hell to get heaven."

Mars and .Paak see the project as the next evolution of their careers, even if the collaboration kind of just fell in their laps as a happy accident. And now that it's done, the pair, who have a mutual love for ripping it up live, are anxious to get out there and perform the tracks for an audience, whenever that's possible.

"We were in a situation right now for guys that grew up playing live. That's another thing. That's heartbreaking for it to be in the studio and trying to write songs, but the live element is gone," said Mars about COVID-19 putting a crimp in any plans to do a joint tour. "While I'm writing songs, that's a part of my whole thing. It goes to like, 'I can't wait till people hear this.' And it's also, 'I can't wait to play this for people. I can't wait to be with my band.'"

But when things open up again, .Paak said they will definitely be ready to hit it, hard. "I'd love to present it," he said. "And soon as the world gets to the point where it's saying...," with Mars adding, "We need it, man. We need it. I mean, if the terms are right. Yeah. The terms got to be locked, though."

#bruno mars #anderson paak #Bruno Mars article #2021 #silk sonic #billboard #brunomars

[convenientalias]

For the prompts, here's one: “Do these dark circles under my eyes say nothing to you about how I'm doing?” My Country: The New Age, Sun-ho/Hwi.

I wrote an early morning ficlet. Cross-posted to AO3 here. Surprisingly not that angsty, I don’t think? Pre-canon.

--

Seon-ho had been stressed about something for days.

He presented a brave front for the most part—Yeon, for example, hadn’t noticed that anything was different about him—but he’d never been able to hide his feelings from Hwi. He rarely tried. Today, for example, he’d been all smiles when he came by Hwi and Yeon’s house to summon Hwi off to the woods for some sparring and maybe a little hunting. He’d been coolly formal when they’d run into one of his father’s acquaintances in town on the way there. But in the actual spar, Hwi could read frustration in both his face and the force behind his hits, and when Hwi told him they were done for the day, not wishing to fight a Seon-ho who was in this kind of mood, he appeared to only get gloomier and even more frustrated.

They sat on a fallen log together, Seon-ho staring off into the distance, Hwi staring at Seon-ho. It wasn’t the most comfortable log; it was damp from rain that had fallen a couple days ago, and rotting on the end Seon-ho had taken, kind of splintery and precarious. Seon-ho didn’t seem to care. Hwi cleared his throat. “We could talk about it.”

“Talk about what?” Seon-ho asked. “The way you still drop your guard when you’re distracted? What’s distracting you today anyway? I thought we’d have a good fight and you call it off after ten minutes.”

“I’m distracted?” Hwi huffed. “I meant we could talk about what’s eating you.”

Seon-ho shrugged.

Hwi waited for him to elaborate at least a little bit. But apparently a shrug was all he was getting. “Is your father putting pressure on you again?” he guessed. “You know you’re doing fine with training and stuff lately, right? There’s nothing to be worried about. Perfectionist.”

“I’m not a perfectionist. Working hard isn’t actually a bad thing, Hwi.”

“The spoiled young master talks to me about working hard,” Hwi muttered.

Seon-ho snorted and elbowed Hwi in the side (“Hey,” Hwi protested), half amused and half annoyed as he always was when Hwi joked around about him being a noble. Today he didn’t bother correcting Hwi about how he only had half noble blood, which meant he probably was tired as well as stressed, because Hwi knew better than to think he’d actually given up on differentiating about things that really didn’t matter.

Hwi gave him another long look. Too much tension in his body, and still too much frustration on his face. It was time to employ desperate measures. He grabbed Seon-ho by the waist and pulled him into a one-armed hug. For a second, he could feel Seon-ho tensing further, preparing for some wrestling, but seeing that Hwi wasn’t actually trying to start another fight, he relaxed a little and slumped against Hwi’s side.

Hwi gave him a squeeze. “You should take a nap or something.”

“I’m not tired, Hwi. You’re just obsessing.”

“Looking at you the past couple days has made me tired.”

“I understand my good looks can be overwhelming that way sometimes,” Seon-ho said loftily. “It can’t be helped.”

“Mm, you’re prettier when you’re not in a funk,” Hwi said. “True that you’re pretty, though.”

He smirked at Seon-ho—lately he’d been teasing him like this occasionally, prodding him about his looks and how girls tended to crush on him—it didn’t tend to rile Seon-ho up that much, but it was fun, and sometimes he got the sense that Seon-ho liked it. Liked when Hwi told him he was handsome or cute even when he snarked back, just like he liked Hwi hugging him even when he’d often turn it into a wrestling match. So he expected Seon-ho to roll his eyes or at best blush a little. But today, Seon-ho gave him a strangely determined look, and then abruptly leaned in and kissed him.

On the lips.

And… too slow (despite the suddenness) to count as a joke.

Hwi kissed him back, and the two of them let the stresses of the day, and all the outside world, fall away. Let the two of them together be all that mattered.

--

It was a few days after the kiss (the kisses, multiple, in the end, combined with a little sappy talk) until Seon-ho could see Hwi again. Seon-ho both looked forward to it and dreaded it. He wanted to kiss Hwi again, now that he knew he was allowed to—he’d been wanting to kiss Hwi for months, maybe years. On the other hand, he didn’t want things to change between them too much, and there were… other things to worry about.

One thing he wasn’t particularly worried about was what Hwi might say, how he might act, when they saw each other again. Hwi had taken this development weirdly in step, far too casually. But then, that was Hwi, wasn’t it? Typical Hwi.

Hwi seemed a bit nervous, actually, but what he ended up saying when they were alone, after a few tense moments, was, “Are you all right?”

“What?”

“You look even more tired and stressed than last time, and last time you already looked shitty enough.”

Seon-ho crossed his arms. “Not a very romantic thing to say, Hwi. What, do I have dark circles under my eyes?”

He knew for a fact he didn’t. He was very careful with his appearance. It was true he hadn’t gotten much sleep the past couple nights. The last time they’d met, he’d been stressing over something his father had said about how Seon-ho slacking was a reflection on his low blood (“but will be seen as a reflection on me, on our whole family, and I will not have you shaming me. Remember that.”) which had been bad enough but was not uncommon. But now he had a whole new genre of things to worry about. Namely, the idea of starting something with Hwi. Was it a bad idea? He liked Hwi a lot—Hwi was one of the few people he could even say he loved—and the thought of being with him made him happy. But it could easily become a disaster, especially if his father found out.

It wasn’t that Hwi was the son of a convicted traitor. It wasn’t that Hwi was a peasant. It wasn’t even that Hwi was male. None of those things would make Nam Jeon like Seon-ho loving Hwi any more, of course; none of them had ever helped reconcile him to Seon-ho and Hwi’s friendship. But Seon-ho knew Nam Jeon mostly disapproved of Seon-ho being close to Hwi because he didn’t like Seon-ho being close to anyone. He considered it weakness. How much more would he disapprove if he found out about this? How much angrier would he get?

Hwi was shaking his head. “Seriously, what the hell is up with you?”

He might take it the wrong way if Seon-ho said he was worried about their relationship. And Seon-ho didn’t really want to talk about his father. Nam Jeon wouldn’t have to know about this anyway; Seon-ho was worrying over nothing. He smiled and said, “I’m fine, you idiot. You really worry over nothing.” Boldly, he ran a hand through Hwi’s hair. “I thought we might start where we left off last time, unless you’re not up for it anymore. I understand I can be intimidating—a rich young master, and with my looks…”

Hwi gave him a playful shove, then pulled him back and kissed him.

#my country the new age #i wrote a thing #thanks for the prompt!

[theprettysetterclub]

Hi! Before my request, your blog set up is rlly rlly cute oml. Okay can I pls get a haikyuu matchup? I'm a bi girl and I'm very loud and rowdy. Think 'would fight a shark for the vine'. I'm witty and get good grades but when it's out of school I'm a total dope. I'm very emotional all though I don't show it alot because I'm usually very bubbly. I'm very extroverted and love making people laugh but I dont mind spending quiet time with my s/o. I'm clumsy and very nostalgic. I hope this is enough!

aa thank you! i was a little worried that it’d make posts hard to read but i thought it was so cute,,, but YO it was so hard to pick someone for you because there were two people who were perfect (i’ll explain later) but HHH i hope you like who i settled on,,, 

so, all things considered, i match you with… 

bokuto koutarou!

✧ listen, you two would get along so well that it’s a crime. you’re the definition of a dynamic duo and your relationship would just be filled to the brim with love– 

✧ first of all, loud and rowdy? bokuto to a t. so of course he’s going to be drawn to you. honestly, it was probably love at first sight. you immediately had an excellent rapport because you’re so similar and he was like “oh my god. she’s The One.” trust me, akaashi heard far too much about you in those early days sdkljdfs

✧ bokuto’s also the sort who’d fight a shark for a vine (oh god i miss vine so much,,,) so you two would definitely be getting up to Shenanigans. you’re the sort of people who always have such good stories to tell people due to the absolutely wild shit you get yourselves involved in. poor akaashi keeps having to deal with the two of you,,, the boy’s at his limit,,, 

✧ you’re literally always laughing together because you’re both hilarious. seriously, there’s never a dull moment with you two. the Shenanigans play a role in it, but i love the idea that the both of you will just,,, say whatever random thought you have, consequences be damned. let’s just say it’s caused quite a bit of confusion 

✧ you’re a little smarter than him though, so please help him out there,,, if you’re together in high school, please help him with his grades, he needs an extra hand and since you’re someone he loves and respects he’ll work as hard as he can to do you proud.  

✧ and hey, he’s very emotional too! i get the feeling that bokuto would be surprisingly good at respecting his partner’s feelings because he gets into funks so often. he’s not the best at picking up on them himself, but if you told him you were feeling a little down, he’s going to bend over backwards to get a genuine laugh out of you! 

✧ but, i think that he’d also enjoy the quiet time with you? he gets quite clingy and needy, and he wants to do little more than cuddle you while you stroke his hair. it’s usually at the end of a long day, or after one of his tournaments. and because they’re a bit rare, it makes those moments quite precious. 

✧ i get the feeling that bokuto’s a sucker for nostalgia too, so i expect you two to have a lot of photos of your time together. he’s also quite fond of doing things on dates that have significance to the two of you -- yes, he does remember the first time you told him he loved him. he probably wrote it down on his phone. and yes, he does like to celebrate it-- 

✧ you guys are just,,, so cute and bright and joyful and it’s honestly delightful to see! you’d be hard-pressed to find a relationship as adoring as this one 

other matches!

✧ akaashi keiji: look, you remind me of bokuto, so therefore i just have to match you with akaashi, you know? their dynamic is chef’s kiss. so what i’m saying is that he’d be perfect for you! your personalities balance each other out, and the contrast makes you two a pretty cute couple. akaashi’s very perceptive, so he’s able to pick up on your emotions even when you’re trying to mask them. he’s also the perfect person to spend quiet time with, so i think he’d be a nice reprieve for you? but, at the same time, you’re one of the few people that can make him laugh with ease, which is pretty adorable.  

✧ kuroo tetsurou: you two would be hilarious together, oh my goodness,,, he���d bring out that wittier side of you a bit more, since he’s a bit,,, cleverer than bokuto. he’s more low-key than you in personality, but i think he’d find your rowdiness pretty entertaining. he likes to tease you for being a total dope tho dslkdfj like akaashi, he’s pretty good at reading people, so he’d also be quite in tune with your emotions and would be able to tell what you’re really thinking. but, like with bokuto, i think the two of you would be constantly laughing, and you’d have a great time together! 

#haikyuu matchups #bokuto matchup