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trashlie · 8 months

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ILY FP 237

Wanna know something that feels insane? I went to go reread 151 for yknow, reasons, lmao and I noticed it came out September 30, 2021.

/2021/!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT'S BEEN 2 YEARS SINCE THAT EPISODE DROPPED?! NO WONDER WE CAN'T BE NORMAL ABOUT ANYTHING!!!!! NO WONDER WE'RE ALL AS FERAL AS SHINAE AND CLIMBING WALLS AND CHEWING THROUGH OUR KEYBOARDS. I can't get my head around this lmao TWO WHOLE YEARS?! What the HECK?! This has been WILD!!!!!!!

Anyway, I kind of wish you guys could have seen me immediately after reading this episode because I swear it felt like I went through the five stages of like, grief or something, for reasons I'll get to lmao like, my friends and i live blog at each other as we read and it was just a wall of screaming cat emotes sent over and over and DREAD and STRESS and some kind of dramatic chaos and calamity before we got it out of our systems and were like "okay i can be normal* about this now

*as normal as possible all things considered lmao

Anyway. AN EPISODE AIN'T IT? Let's go

I had fantasized a lot about how I waned Dieter and Nol's conversation to go, and as always, I was not entirely on the mark. That's why I'm not the one writing ILY XD But regardless, I love what we got, and we got things that I did NOT expect at all!

There's something about how it starts off with that sort of.... "we're pretending everything is normal and that you didn't totally oversee me making moves on the girl you like while i thought you were sleeping and you don't even know why I came back after blocking all of you let's definitely make visitation plans" that is so funny to me, even though that's absolutely how I expected it to go. Dieter is the master of playing it cool, much to his own detriment, but it works in this case, because Nol is so very like a feral cat, isn't he?

I'm actually really glad that we touched on the topic of visitation because I was SO CERTAIN Nol wouldn't want them to visit him, wouldn't want to be seen like that, wouldn't want to be reminded of their lives going on while he's stuck behind bars for a crime he didn't commit. And Dieter is not that subtle with the way he goes down the list of the potential visitors Nol can have - not that there's, yknow.... many..... lol but we all know what he's getting at, carefully hedging the important matters at hand. "It would make you happy if she visited you, too... right?"

Something so funny about my agitation at the end of this episode was that I so badly wanted to comment on how Nol's reaction to Dieter winning the game reminded me SO MUCH of the expressions Shinae makes lol I don't know if that's just a result of quimchee's artstyle or just one of those many things they have in common, but it makes me laugh a lot.

Dieter possesses a rather straight forward nature that I'm so envious of. I'm the kind of person who struggles to bring up things that I need to talk to friends about, too burned by past experiences that didn't go well that I still get worried that addressing important topics with my friends will go south even though I know better, so I beat around the bush, I hem and haw. But Dieter is SO direct with Nol, even as Nol tries to deflect, even as he attempts to bush it off. It's so admirable! Especially while Nol is being.... well. Nol lmao

I CANNOT believe that he really went nine-year-old on the playground being accused of liking a girl like. He LITERALLY went BLEH why would I even HURL alkfjkafjafjkafkjafjk MY GUY?! ALKFKAFJAKFKAJFKJ?1 He is akjffakfj a MENACE truly related to Nana!!!!!!!!!

I think this must be the most open and honest Nol has ever been with Dieter. When you think about it, Dieter really is the one friend who has been the most "on the outside" of Nol's life, he has only known Yeonggi, and it wasn't for malicious reasons. That's all the stuff Nol dislikes about his life, that he tries to neatly compartmentalize. Up until recently, he was able to do so. Kousuke was off his back, he was more or less free. Everything changed when Rand went out of country and Kousuke had Nol helping out at the office. Dieter had no reason to really know much more about Kousuke and Nol's relationship because Soushi joining their group meant Kousuke wasn't around as often, and we saw that they both were able to thrive (as well as possible) outside of the way of each other.

So for Nol to open up enough to tell him that he doesn't really make friends, despite how it looks. That most people don't really seem to like him, that he doesn't like his peers or his family, that they are really the only people he has let into his life is big. There's so much Dieter still doesn't know about him, but baby steps. You can't just dump all of that, even if he was ready to.

And in him saying this, to some degree I understand. After all, all this while Nol wasn't even aware of those feelings, of what she meant. I think there were moments - like at the formal when he made her laugh - but it wasn't anything like when he had his head rest upon her shoulder, feeling at peace despite his injuries, feeling calm despite the location, feeling like he could fall asleep and learned that it had nothing to do with medication that made him realize it. So on the one hand I DO get his logic, because what if he IS misplacing this feeling, what if he IS wrong, what if he's making something out of nothing?

But I'm sure on another level he knows better, because he knows what Dieter saw, because he was acting on what he felt.

I think Nol has never had feelings for anyone, because he has nothing to compare this to. He said he "tried to make it work" with Alyssa, but there's a sense that he was never actually into her, that there weren't actually any feelings there and they never grew as time went on. And now that he feels these unfamiliar things for Shinae, how is he to know?

What's really funny is that this is the same tactic as Shinae, but in reverse. When she told him we're all friends and he adamantly told her no, because he knows better, because it wasn't platonic, because their kind of friend is so different from how she's friends with Dieter. And even though he's the one who knows his feeling and suspects hers, he still tries the same logic she used: that anyone else could be in her position and maybe he'd still feel the same, that maybe it's just because he's so starved for kindness that he's responding to that.

Again, we know better, but it's so funny to me that she literally tried to use the logic that all friendships are different but also she could put anyone else in his place and it would be the same.

Please. I need them to stop kidding themselves lmaoooooo

For Nol's sake, though, he needs it to be a thing that will pass, because in his mind not only does he endanger Shinae by caring about her, but he also betrays his friend, only further hurts him, and given that Nol's whole deal is that he tries to rebalance the bad he brings into the world by making up for it with good, he's really doing a terrible job.

Unfortunately for Nol, feelings don't work like that and logic can't control them. He can tell himself it might be a thing that can pass, that it might be something that he'd get over, but that doesn't change Shinae's feelings, and the fact that she clearly likes him, not Dieter. It would be so much easier for Nol if Dieter actually treated it like a betrayal, if he was mad at him, if he felt like Nol had wronged him. He wants him to be angry, because he can at least use Dieter's anger and pain as a reason to step back, because god knows Nol himself does not have the will power to do it on his own. If he can say "Acting on my feelings is hurting my friendship with Dieter" he could have a concrete reason to ignore them, because it's not worth losing his friendship.

But that's not who Dieter is. He isn't giving him that kind of excuse.

We can see, too, just how important those friendships are to Nol, that hurting Dieter would be reason enough to drop his feelings! Because these are the only friends he has. The only people who have made him feel like he has value. Made him feel not like nothing but something. A somebody. Special. That's not something worth throwing away, which is ironically what gets him into this problem. These people made him feel special, and he came to care about them as they care about him, and in his mind this has endangered them all, and it's more than enough reason to hold them at arms' length, to smother his feelings and hope they'll die out like cold embers, hope that if he doesn't fans the flames or add new wood, it will go cold.

I really feel for Dieter having this conversation because honestly, it can't be easy. Even though he's holding himself together, we know that it still hurts. His expression with his eyes closed when he mentions how he's seen the way Shinae cries for him... agonizing! He's seen it multiple times now! He's always the one who picks up her pieces and gives her comfort, even though it hurts him to do, even though he knows why she's crying. It wasn't just what he saw that morning when they thought he was asleep - he's been watching this all along, from the beginning, always consciously comparing himself to the people in her life and how she interacts with them. Even as a friend, he doesn't have what she has with Minhyuk or Nol. Dieter knew all along what he was getting into, knew all along the way they interact, the way they gravitate towards each other, and he couldn't help but hope he might have that, too. That with enough time they could be like that. All this morning did was show him that he was never going to have that with her, that he never really stood a chance. ;~; But he tried! It's more than Nol can say right now....

Nol's agitation is such a BIG deal! Again, Dieter has never really known Nol. Yeonggi wasn't like this! Yeonggi didn't have this energy, that feral cat energy, that edge! His shock in response to how Nol responds shows that much - because to him this isn't a big deal, if he likes her then he likes her and he just wanted Nol to know that he won't hold it against him. But there is just so much Dieter doesn't know! He can't understand at this point why Nol is so emotional about it, why he seems so agitated and upset, why he's insisting it will never happen. Seeing those emotions on his face!!! The way Dieter goes from startled to defensive to concerned.

"If you don't like seeing her hurt, it's in your best interest to keep her away from me."

That sounds so threatening! He's the only one who is hurting Shinae, what Nol is saying can't possibly make any sense to Dieter.

He doesn't know about the formal.

He doesn't know about Shinae getting tricked by Yui, how she was coerced to attend that harrowing formal in order to protect someone who it turned out didn't need protecting.

He doesn't know about the fall from the pool and how she hit her head and was in the hospital when she should have been at home getting a good night's sleep the night before her college entrance exams.

He doesn't know about the contract she's locked into.

About the roofies, about Sangchul.

About how Shinae could have been assaulted, or how she could have died.

This is the most honest Nol has probably ever been with Dieter, with anyone but Shinae at this point, frankly, and unfortunately Dieter doesn't know anything, can't understand, but what he can see is that Nol means it. The fear on his face! He looks so childlike in how distressed and afraid he is!

When we really think about it, in Nol's eyes, it is about him. That he is a blight, a mistake who was never supposed to exist. That what happened to his mom was because of him, because he exists. Because he didn't treat her well. What happened to Shinae is because he took interest in her, because she meant something to him, and that wasn't acceptable. He believes harm comes to those he cares about, but in his view that's the extent of it. It's not that Yui is a monster, it's that she's a monster to him.

He doesn't have our objective knowledge. He doesn't know that Kousuke has been drugged and manipulated his whole life, that she drove that wedge between him and his father. He doesn't know that Yui invited Shinae to Kousuke's apartment and treated her inappropriately, tried to undress her, put her in Kousuke's clothes. Does he even really understand how Shinae wound up at the formal? That it wasn't about him at all - that Shinae was convinced Kousuke did something wrong by giving her a job she didn't deserve, that she had to attend the formal to "protect his job".

So to him, it's just because it's him. Because he cares. Because he is a mistake and doesn't deserve any of this, and that they are punished for him not knowing his place. His worries extend to Dieter and Soushi as well, because they are also people he cares about, and maybe the universe will harm them, too, to remind him of his place.

He doesn't know what he has to protect them from, just that he must.

One of these days, we are going to get flashbacks of what happened when Nol was taken away to Hirahara Memorial, and I'm not ready. The way he looks so small and childlike sitting there in his bed with all of his fear and distress, all of these feelings so knotted up inside. What did they do to him when he was in there? What did they say to him, that made him so deeply internalize this belief? Almost two years of being broken down, being convinced that the things that happen to those you care about are the direct result of you caring of your existence. And that's the most frustrating part about it - it's so deeply ingrained, so intricately woven into his psyche that he can't just change his way of thinking. It's going to be so difficult to undo that thinking!

Not that this is really new to us but, just getting to really mull over this is so heartbreaking. Nol is so terrified of losing her, that he's willing to lose her to protect her. He'd rather not have her at all if it will keep her safe, if it will protect her from harm, even though it's so clear that he wants the opposite. He cares so much and it makes him so very afraid. How does he live like that?! That constant battle of wanting vs what he fears, how he let them into his life and broke his rules and in his mind this has put them in danger.

"If you don't like seeing her hurt, it's in your best interest to keep her away from me!"

He really would rather be the one that hurts her to protect her than to take any chances and it just makes me feel SO EMOTIONAL. ;A; OKAY. Because what can you even do to help him? He is so..... I don't like it when people say the word broken, because it often feels low-key like they mean someone is too traumatized to ever be "repaired" but when I say Nol is so broken, I mean that he has been put in situations that have damaged his self-view, that have damaged his psyche, that have altered the way he thinks and feels to such a degree that he is sitting here willing to hurt people in order to protect them, because he lives in this constant fear of unknown that he cannot predict. They took this vulnerable kid and put him through absolute HELL, they broke him and then they refused to put the pieces back together.

I hope that Dieter will talk to someone about it. Is it something he can talk about with Shinae? Can he pull together any clues? He's our most observant character, but does he know enough to start to grasp this very real fear that has gripped Nol? He was there at the arcade when Kousuke and Yui came to pick up Nol, when he reacted strangely to her being there, when he slapped away Kousuke's hand. Is that something that he'd remember, think is worth pursuing? And even if so, what can come of it? He looks genuinely worried and concerned, though, and I hope that something will be able to come of it, because I think even if he can't understand what Nol fears, he at least knows that to him it's very real.

Soushi's timing with the jello just.... KILLED me. KILLED ME what a time to interrupt ;______; How do you get back to that conversation?! And especially with Kousuke there now, it's effectively over. It just!!! LKFAFKJAJFKAKJFAJKFKJAF KLJAFKJAF AKJFKAJFKAFJKAF IT KILLS ME OKAY AAAAAUUUUUGGGGGGH

And while I know very well that Kousuke is there with good intentions, that he looks so haunted standing in the hallway waiting for Nol, I can't help but feel a heavy curtain of foreboding coming down, because Kousuke comes in like an omen. Because things go bad when he shows up, even when he's not the one trying to stir things up. And frankly, I don't look forward to this, because I know whatever is going to go down is going to hurt! There's something so..... I guess bitter about Kousuke's very too little too late moment, how he has struggled all these years with how badly he wants Rand's love, how much he fears not being good enough, how terrified he was that Nol could have it and replace him, the guilt for destroying a young child who was never a real threat to him (even though Yui absolutely made him out as a real threat in Kousuke's mind). It's like... knowing that Kousuke is starting to unlock this, is starting to see the insidious underbelly, while knowing it's too late. Nol has wiped his hands of him. He literally nearly died as a result of what happened the night before and even if Kousuke is coming to reach out to him, or to confirm something, Nol has no reason to entertain him, to hep him.

I feel like we are very much seeing that table turn, the role reversal. We're going to watch Kousuke fall apart, trying his best to hold himself together, with no one to turn to, no one he can actually trust, his paranoia eating him alive. It's not that I think anything heavy is going to go down as much as.... maybe we're going to watch Kousuke reach out to him, whether for help or to acknowledge something - that Nol, too, was drugged, that this must be why he hates tea so much, that so many times he ignored Nol's pleas for help - and Nol is probably going to reiterate how very done with him he is, that he wants nothing to do with him or this family any more, that he is done with them and what they've done to him. And just. AUGH ALKJAFKJJKFJKAF IT KILLS ME I'M SO EMOTIONAL I'M SO DISTRESSED BECAUSE WE KNOW WHY KOUSUKE WAS LIKE THAT WE KNOW HOW HE WAS MANIPULATED, HOW THE DRUGGING WAS USED TO ALTER HIS MEMORIES AND HOW HE RECALLED EVENTS HOW HE BELIEVES IN THIS FICTITIOUS VERSION OF NOL WHO WAS FORMED BY YUI'S WORDS AND IT KILLS ME BECAUSE NOL IS SO WELL WITHIN HIS RIGHT AND I JUST. TRAAAAAAGIIIIIIIIIIIIC SIIIIIIIIIBLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIINNNNGSSSSSSSSS ;A;

And things just always go south when Kousuke comes around. He puts Nol in a worse mood, he starts to act out more. We literally watched this kid jump off a fucking balcony into a pool below and revisit the last time he was at the bottom of a pool, contemplating never returning to the surface! THINGS NEVER GO WELL WHEN KOUSUKE IS INVOLVED AND I'M NERVOUS AND SCARED AND I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS ;A;

At this point, I feel like everything really is up to Shinae at this point, because Nol is back to trying to rebuild his walls and put them up as high as he can, so ready to try to ignore these feelings, to play them off, to tell her that it probably means nothing, that he must just be acting this way because she's been nice when no one else has and if it was anyone else he'd probably feel the same way and GOD I am ready for her to go off on him. He all but told her to leave and come back when you know why you're fighting so hard for me, but I don't think he's actually PREPARED for her going back knowing her feelings, knowing what she wants.

Until now, there's always been a disadvantage between Shinae and Nol in their relationship, where he is always the one with the leg up, the one who knows more, the one who is making moves, the one who is in control of things. But I think we're going to see that change, based on her very feral way of fighting her feelings, how she was about to try to break down his door in order to continue their conversation, how agitated she is by the thought of him throwing her away.

It really does come down to her pure determination, and I'm fully expecting her to go in there and get into an argument with him lmao and frankly, I welcome it. I think that's the only way they're going to get anywhere. There's so many things they need to talk about, they need a heart to heart DESPERATELY but I don't think we're going to lead with it. I go back and forth on how I expect her to go, because she was SO READY to go back in and demand her things back "if I can't have you" (SCREAMING STILL) but now that she knows her feelings... will she? I hope she will, still. Because now it's almost worse, right? That he's taken all these things from her AND he still has a girlfriend AND he now has her heart? HOW IS THAT FAIR, GIVE IT BACK, GIVE BACK EVERYTHING!

I want them to argue because I think they're both a little more honest when they aren't thinking about what they're saying, when they let the hotheaded energy take over and words come out. Nol is probably going to play the "this probably doesn't even mean anything" game, the "this will probably pass and we'll both move on" game, the "maybe i'm just a selfish asshole friend and none of this means anything" game and Shinae is too hardheaded to let that slide.

I want her jealousy and insecurity to come out when Nol tries to shield himself with “I have a girlfriend” and I want her to remind him he said it was fake and he resents her. I want her to look him in the eye and ask if he can really throw it all away, if he wouldn’t have any regrets if he gave up and left her. I want him to fail to answer and instead tell her that maybe he can, who knows, maybe none of this is really real. And I want her to kiss him and prove to him how very real it is, how very much they both want it, and how very much they need each other.

And when she pulls away he can lean in, following her, pulling her back in, his brain off because god knows the moment her mouth touches his it's all over, he's melting, his resolve is crumbling and he's going all in, pulling her against him fingers in her hair mouth crashing back on hers so hungry so touch-starved so full of want.

They can talk about everything else once she's convinced him this isn't so fleeting. She can remind him what she already said, that she deserves a choice in this matter, that leaving doesn't change anything because she still works for the company she's still under contract and now there's more she can tell him - how Yui made her an offer that would essentially tether her to them, how Rand told her to take it that he says Yui will never let her go. That it was not about him that Yui is a witch, tell him about Kousuke's birthday, tell him about the way she got tricked, tell him about the things she tried to do to her.

I've already acknowledged that nothing can undo the years of damage that was done to Nol in the hospital and through years of abuse, but I think Shinae can, at the very least, make him see that she very much is just as trapped, that she's worse off if he leaves, that together they are so much stronger, that they don't have to endure this alone. He can tell her how scared he is and she can stroke his hair and reassure him the best she can that he's allowed to be scared in front of her that she feels scared, too, but maybe she's more afraid of losing someone who means so much to her, who is literally the reason she's gotten through everything she did. That maybe he thinks he's a monster but she's something else in him, that he is the sole reason she could endure that harrowing night.

I WANT THEM TO HAVE AN HONEST HEART TO HEART SO BADLY. I feel like we MUST be going that direction. There's been too much build up not to. As Lil Anon put it, ILY has never been quick to reward, and we must go through the ups and downs to get there. We've had this moment dangled in front of us for so long but we're not getting it easy. But we can see it in the narrative - the emphasis on their mutually realized feelings, that Nol was given that 3 day extension that leads so close to Christmas, the emphasis on her mouth, that these feelings happened before he went to jail. If there wasn't going to be a resolution, NONE of this would have needed to happen, especially not the 3 day extension. Quimchee is absolutely drawing this out - and not even in the "putting up pointless obstacles just to draw it out" kind of way but in the "you are going to be so satisfied when we get there" kind of way lol. It's just so easy to get spooked because that's what the writing is doing! That's tension, baby.

Hopeful optimism is always my downfall lmao but I just feel like we ARE going to have that resolution, that even if there's no relationship at this time, they will know where they stand, that she can convince him not to push her away, that they are too important to give each other up. Whatever he's afraid of, they can brave it together! I WANT IT AND I FEEL LIKE IT'S SO CLOSE OKAY AND I'MA FLKJAFLKJAF AFLKJAFLKJAFKLA FLKJAFLAKJFLKAFJLAFKAFKLAFJAFKJFKAA

We were given two small asides about Nol's phone and the Bible, and I wonder if we'll be seeing those play out the 22nd. The phone is obviously coming in Kousuke's visit next week, but I wonder: does it even work anymore after everything that happened? It was still working after the pool fall, which feels like a miracle, but after falling from the second floor, after getting slammed around in the snow, now covered in blood, will it still be able to turn back on?! lmao I'm not sure what to make yet of Alyssa's messages left hanging like that, especially after walking "into the light" with Gun. There's the fact that she's off to some schedule, so could there be a chance for those dating rumors to come up that she has to strike down? On the one hand, they feel like they could be left hanging, which kind of feels so symbolic of their whole relationship lmao but. IDK!!!! At the very least it probably needs a charge LMAO but idk idk this is the area I get murky because I think it can go so many ways. I don't think Nol has any intention of breaking up with her at this time, especially because he'll probably try to use it as a shield against Shinae, but.... I've always felt the break up would come from her due to dating rumors. Especially because of how bad his reputation is at this point (violence, roofies which makes it sound like he sexually assaults people) it would be EASY for Alyssa's agency to spin it and make it sound like indeed, she does not have a relationship with him and in fact he has frightened her or something. They were even in public at the Christmas party arguing even on the dance floor, before what happened later so. Idk SOMETHING will come of that, I'm sure.

But I'm also hoping referencing the Bible means that maybe he will find it when everyone else has left and he's bored - especially if his phone won't turn on - and take a look at the letters Shinae mentioned, since he only thought there was the one.

This is really important to me, because I need Nol so badly to see how he stands in the same place his father did. I want him to be able to better understand his parents - how his mom stayed clinging to a married man who she could not really be with, how she uprooted her child and herself to move closer to him. How she tried over and over to be there for him, to try to support him, and Rand didn't allow it. How unlike Rand, Nol has less to lose. He isn't married, he doesn't have a child, a family. He doesn't NEED to stay in a relationship that will only suffocate him, that will turn him into a hollow husk of a man like Rand did. I NEED him to realize that he is on a fast track of following in his father's footsteps, in becoming this empty meaningless man.

I want him to see how Rand's feelings for Nessa never went away. Even after she died, he still carried her around in that Bible. In her letters, in the photograph of Nol. He carried her around because he never got over her. And is Nol prepared to live that way?

This is also why I'm perfectly fine with Nol and Shinae kissing before he and Alyssa break up, because I think it would help him better understand his parents - how Rand had a duty to his marriage, but he fell in love with someone who actually meant something, and how she was the love of his life that he never got over. To understand how his mom could be with someone who was married. For him to understand that feelings are NOT logical, that you can't really control them. He never meant to develop feelings for the girl his friend likes - but it still happened.

Maybe if Nol can understand them, it will help him forgive them a little, give him a tiny bit of peace. And hopefully help him to make the right decision, to accept the love people give him, and to face his fears together with them.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

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mommybard · 3 months

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"Basically sexist" tell me you've never thought critically before without telling me lmao. sorry you have to deal with that,, as a zero note wonder I'm sometimes glad I don't get attention

-🦑(if it's not taken, I've never sent you an ask before)

Ngl, I was half tempted to make a joke about how "I can't be sexist, some of my best friends are men!" or talk about how transmen are the real men over those weird pretenders known as cismen xD Honestly, while I don't enjoy having those anons, I'm also like...so disappointed in their banality. I am almost 30 at this point and grew up chronically online. I have seen AMAZING trolling, absolutely legendary things. That though? Its just so boring. Where's the panache. Where's the pizzazz. WHERE'S THE SHOWMANSHIP DAMMIT! Get gud scrubs

#nonhorny asks #squiddy

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breezypunk · 6 months

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W.I.P Wednesday, because why not? :)

Sometimes I get these urges to create bigger photostories. 20-30 is usually my average, but sometimes I take it over 40, and somehow that's what I managed to do the last few days. I've just been working on a little self-indulgent sappy thing for my boys because I just really love them.

While I don't have PL for PC (sad face), I do have a new headcanon that Vaughn started taking jobs for Hands more often in Dogtown. I've actually come to really love Dogtown, it's almost a favorite. But with being in Dogtown a lot comes with being away from home, which means being away from Goro for weeks at a time, and well.. when he finally comes home and they do see each other it's like falling in love for the first time. :')

Here's a couple sneak peak photo's from my upcoming story: The Morning After.

I even wrote some stuff, I've been pretty rusty when it comes to fic writing but sometimes I get in the mood, and I usually come up with words on the spot, I've found it to be easier for me, and it's usually the spontaneous things that end up being the most meaningful to me. Here's a small portion of that:

˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗

The smell of coffee hit Vaughn's nose immediately. Goro always knew exactly where to get him. Nothing like a fresh pot of Vaughn's favorite to start the day, even if the day was starting incredibly early. Vaughn wasn't even going to bother to check the time, Goro wanted him up for a reason..

They are my source of happiness, sometimes I feel super annoying when I post about them xD but I honestly don't care really, they both deserve the world, and some of my most creative ideas came from the both of them together.

Another small WIP which I have nothing to show for yet, lmao, is that I was thinking of maybe doing a re-release of Goro clothing. Thing is, I'm very pro-nomad Goro, and not everyone is, so if anyone has any ideas on outfits they want for him and wanna let me know, I can work with that too :) (Probably won't be compatible with Nibbles replacer for the time being), but I can still make some nice outfits for him if anyone is interested.

So yeah! These are my WIPS! ♥

#cyberpunk 2077 #goro takemura #oc: vaughn leblanc #wip wednesday #breezys photostories #me when I started to ramble lmao

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therisingdarkness · 11 months

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5 Times Ghoul Left the Bar Alone, and One Time He Didn’t

for @cloned-eyes and Ghoul, my adopted son, and for Odessa, who deserves him XD (it’s like 30 pages, i’m so sorry lmfao)

Also figured I should link the other parts (also guess i should mention there’s some adult mentionings, so if you’re underage, i’m not your mom but don’t get caught lmao)

PART 1

PART 2

PART 3

PART 4

As luck would have it, Ghoul’s next deployment sent him back to Ryloth, right into the waiting arms of Cham Syndulla and Captain Howzer, who were only too happy to explain exactly what was expected of him for the mission at hand; it was nothing he hadn’t done before, nothing that he shouldn’t have had any trouble with. And he didn’t. He was fine. Performance above reproach despite his grumbling and scowling, winning him Syndulla’s unneeded and unwanted praise upon his return.

It used to make him sick, the way his superiors commended him to his face after another successful mission—it still did, but now he was forced to endure their adulation with her in the back of his mind, and the things she had told him. Would they sing songs about this victory, small as it was? Would they remember his name like she had? Did they already speak it among themselves in lilting whispers when he wasn’t around? When he took his leave, would they look to the stars and remember what he had done?

He wasn’t distracted.

He couldn’t afford to be.

But sometimes…sometimes out of the corner of his eye he would catch a glimpse of green lekku and he would find himself turning his head out of curiosity, despite knowing it couldn’t possibly be the little bartender on Coruscant.

Sometimes he would hear bright laughter and he’d freeze in place.

He caught snippets of conversation in Basic, the accent familiar in a way that was almost a relief, and he couldn’t for the life of him understand why.

If Howzer and Syndulla suspected anything, neither made mention of it; for that, Ghoul was grateful. He didn’t know what lie he’d have to make up on the spot to cover for any inconsistencies in his performance, but it’d have to be a good one to survive Syndulla’s scrutiny. The head of the Twi’lek rebellion was one of the very few figures Ghoul felt he could respect—unlike the leaders of the Republic, Syndulla put himself on the front lines of nearly every skirmish, leading by example and throwing himself head first into harm’s way. He fought for Ryloth, for his people, in a way that determined exactly how willing Ghoul was to risk his own life for the mission assigned to him.

Captain Howzer, on the other hand, was just a standard clone but he followed Syndulla’s lead with an eagerness that bordered on sycophantic. He was a good soldier, obedient like he was supposed to be, and Ghoul hated him for it. Thankfully, he outranked Howzer and therefore didn’t have to answer to him. All transmissions were heavily encoded and Ghoul didn’t engage in smalltalk outside of the mission itself so it was easy to isolate himself until the time came to return to Coruscant.

A solid sixty rotations had passed, during which time he had gathered enough intel to give the Twi’lek rebellion the advantage it needed to push back against the Separatist forces; with luck they’d be able to secure the win they so desperately needed. Ghoul didn’t care either way—he wouldn’t be there to see it. To the clones stationed on Ryloth long term he imagined it would mean more for their morale…but they were idiots in the same vein Howzer was, softhearted and too quick to give too much of themselves for a cause that wasn’t their own.

Orders are orders, Ghoul thought bitterly to himself as he checked his packs over one last time. The transport ship taking him back to Coruscant was nearing its departure; he’d be sharing too small a space with too many wounded troopers, many of whom probably wouldn’t survive triage. Stabilizing them didn’t mean anything if they were sent back to Kamino for ‘reevaluation’. It was a death sentence either way and Ghoul wasn’t looking forward to fighting off the memories that were sure to be dredged by during the trip. He could close his eyes and remove his hearing aids, but the smell…the smell of death wasn’t something that could be ignored.

“Commander!”

Ghoul groaned and ran a hand down the right side of his face, narrowly avoiding the cygarette he had been trying to savor in spite of the dread pooling in the pit of his stomach. He couldn’t get a moment’s peace to himself, not on this planet.

“Howzer,” he said, not bothering to hide his irritation as the captain jogged up to greet him. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Just wanted to see you off, Sir,” Howzer said brightly, saluting with an enthusiasm that set Ghoul’s teeth on edge.

“Don’t need it,” he muttered. “You got better things to do, surely.”

“Not right now, thanks to you. That intel you procured put us ahead of our original plans by months. We’ll be able to launch an effective counterstrike against those clankers within the week.”

Ghoul snorted. The rebellion couldn’t afford to lower its guard at their current standpoint. The position they had held onto by tooth and nail for the past sixty rotations still put them at the disadvantage; all it would take was one full-scale assault from the enemy and they’d be wiped out. It had been one of the first things Ghoul had pointed out upon his arrival, but his advice had gone unheeded. It didn’t matter—in an hour he’d wash his hands of Ryloth and all five of its moons. As soon as he boarded the transport, it wouldn’t be his problem any longer.

“As long as you don’t kark it up,” Ghoul said as he tightened the straps on his pack, further compressing his extra gear. “Should be a sight t’ see…if you live through it.”

He looked up in time to see Howzer’s optimistic expression falter, and it sent something sick and pleasurable racing through his veins. That’s right, the feeling seemed to say, don’t get complacent. Don’t get cocky.

Unfortunately, ‘giving up’ wasn’t one of the qualities that had gotten Howzer promoted to Captain. He fixed his expression into something more neutral and bent at the waist to haul one of Ghoul’s bags over his shoulder, grunting with effort. If he thought he was helping, he was dead wrong, and Ghoul immediately jumped to his feet with a growl, getting in Howzer’s way and shoving at his shoulder.

“Drop it,” he ordered, exhaling around his cyg in a cloud of smoke, sending it straight into the captain's face and watching his eyes water.

“I’m just trying to help,” Howzer said, bewildered by Ghoul’s sudden aggression.

“Didn’t ask for it,” Ghoul said as he grabbed the strap of his bag out of the captain’s hands. “I don’t need help. I do things on my own.”

“Howzer! Kassurra!” came a call from halfway across the landing platform; a couple of Twi’leks waved enthusiastically, a greeting which Howzer returned like Ghoul wasn’t even there.

“Kass!” he called back. “Kei’nata ni!”

Of course he knew Ryl. He was such a good clone, nearly perfect in every way, from the ease with which he had tried to integrate with the people and the culture, to the way he treated Syndulla with the same respect usually reserved for Republic Admirals. Even his accent was affected with the tinge of Ryl dialect. Ghoul hated him more for what he represented. The GAR didn’t have need for recruitment posters, but if it did, Howzer would have been plastered all over them.

Kiss-ass, Ghoul thought resentfully.

Howzer dropped his arm back down to his side and looked over at the other two bags sitting at Ghoul’s feet as though contemplating making another go for it; he seemed to think better of it though and stood rooted in place.

“It’s not so bad here, you know,” he said, still trying to broker…something between them, some illusion of brotherhood that Ghoul wanted no part in. “Once you get used to the heat and the humidity, you start to see the beauty of the land.”

He doubted it. Ryloth was many things, but ‘beautiful’ wasn’t the first word that came to mind. Too many times he had felt like he was being steamed alive in his armor, sweat soaking through his blacks as he stalked through the thick, unforgiving jungles, avoiding the indigenous and carnivorous wildlife that had driven Twi’leks to live in caves for their own safety. If Howzer thought differently, then he needed to get himself checked out by medical for brain damage brought on by heatstroke.

“I don’t care,” Ghoul growled.

“It’s not just deserts and jungle,” Howzer continued, nonplussed. “If you make it past the Jixuan there’s these mountains—”

“Listen,” Ghoul snapped, losing his patience, “Whatever it is you’re trying to do…just stop. It’s embarrassing how much you think I give a damn.”

Howzer blinked, somehow managing to piss him off even more. There was something about him that was…different, even for a clone. His eyes were almost too big, his face a little too symmetrical. There was no other word for it, he was pretty. If any one of them could be considered ‘designer’, then it’d have to be Howzer; the longnecks must’ve slipped something a little extra into his slurry while he marinated, for him to turn out the way he had.

While not strictly his fault, Ghoul took offense to it nonetheless.

“Is there anything else you want to bother me about, or can I go?” he asked.

“Wow,” Howzer grumbled. “I had heard from Wolffe that you were a little standoffish, but I didn’t think it was this bad.”

Ghoul froze.

Wolffe was talking? About him?

He dropped his bag onto the pile with the others and fixed his glare on Howzer, who stood there with a look on his face that said he wasn’t all that aware of the danger he was currently in.

“Oh yeah?” Ghoul said in a rough whisper. “And what else did Wolffe say about me?”

To his credit, Howzer didn’t back down.

“He said not to expect anything from you but the bare minimum—just the mission, nothing more.”

I’m going to kill him.

“You should have listened,” Ghoul spat, getting close and jabbing a finger against Howzer’s chestplate. “I got sent here against my will, to do the job that you failed to do. That’s it. I don’t care about you or anyone else on this rock. The only thing I’m interested in is making it back to base and forgetting I was ever here.”

“You talk real big for someone who just risked his life to ensure the Twi’leks have a chance to make it through this war,” Howzer said, his amber eyes flashing with barely concealed anger. He held his fist tight at his side and Ghoul wished, wished he’d make a move. Maybe he could get lucky and bleed some of his stress out before the trip back, and give Howzer a few little reminders why he should keep minding his own karking business.

“Like I said,” Ghoul hissed, “I didn’t ask for this assignment. I was just sent here to clean up after you.”

“We’ve done everything we could,” Howzer said, drawing himself up indignantly. “You were our last resort before the Council was going to send the Jedi.”

“The Jedi,” Ghoul echoed mockingly. He picked the cyg from his mouth and flicked it at Howzer, watching as it bounced off his shoulder and fell to the ground. “There’s an idea. Why don’t you call them next time? I’m sure they’ll solve all your problems for you.”

“You hate them.”

“Is stating the obvious the only thing you’re good at?”

“Is it because of that?” Howzer asked, tapping his own jaw. He had a scar there, freshly formed and still pink at the edges where the new skin grew on the torn edges of the wound, the shape of which indicated shrapnel as the most likely culprit. Ghoul stared, black rage climbing the ladder of his ribs until he felt that he could reach out, put his hands around Howzer’s neck and squeeze until he stopped speaking, stopped breathing, stopped looking at him.

“I wasn’t going to ask,” Howzer continued, “but I heard rumors you were the only survivor of the 331st. Their last campaign…it was on Toydaria, wasn’t it?"

Ghoul inhaled sharply. Ryloth’s air was warm, moist, but nothing compared to Toydaria, where every breath had felt like they were drowning, even through the advanced air filtration of their helmets. He had tried not to think about how similar the two climates actually were ever since his arrival.

“Weren’t Jedi part of that battle?”

For all the good they’d been. He still couldn’t bear the sound of lightsabers and part of his special conditions for continued duty included keeping him as far from Jedi as possible, a condition the GAR had only been able to fulfill by assigning him solo missions. It was probably the only thing they’d done right.

“What happened?” Howzer pressed, completely incognizant of the distress every single one of his words afflicted.

“Shut up,” Ghoul managed to hiss. “Just…shut the hell up.”

He didn’t know what he was talking about—he didn’t have any right to talk about it.

No one did.

For a moment it seemed like Howzer was going to prove himself the biggest idiot in all the GAR and keep pressing buttons. He looked like he wanted to, though for the life of him Ghoul couldn’t figure out why.

What could he possibly gain from opening old wounds and sticking his fingers into them, like it was his business to do so? Only Wolffe knew the details of that fateful campaign, having pieced together events from the reports submitted by the Jedi Knight who had also survived. The rest he had pulled out of Ghoul himself, bleeding him so slowly with quiet questions and gentle touches that had only made recounting more difficult.

He didn’t want to remember.

If there had been a way for him to forget, some experimental procedure he could have undergone that would have sucked the memories from his brain, he would have. Anything was better than knowing what he now knew.

And Howzer…Howzer didn’t have any claim to it.

“Sorry,” the captain said, with the audacity of someone who was sorry but didn’t understand why. “It’s just…I’ve been trying to figure out what’s made you so detached; you’re a good soldier, I can see that much, but you don’t…you don’t act like the rest of us."

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” Ghoul asked, feeling like he had just run half a dozen laps around the landing pad for the way his heart thrummed in his chest. He wanted Howzer to shut up, wanted him to swallow his karking tongue, and there was nothing he could do about it because there were two many eyes around, too many clones and too many Twi'lek, and Ghoul was willing to bet they all liked Howzer better than they liked him.

Howzer shrugged.

“I’ve never met a brother who was…so cold.”

There it was.

If he could have laughed normally, he would have. Of all the ridiculous complaints lodged against him, being cold was the least of them. It didn’t matter how he treated his ‘brothers’, as long as they knew to stay out of his way and give him a wide berth. That was how he preferred things and, up until now, it hadn’t been a problem. But he could tell Howzer was young, a second gen clone at least; he didn’t understand war yet, not in the way Ghoul did.

“It’s got nothin’ to do with you,” Ghoul said, fighting back the urge to reach out and slap him around a bit for being a nosey little idiot. “I’m like this with everyone. Ask Wolffe.”

“It doesn’t have to be that way,” Howzer hurried to say. Off in the distance an announcement sounded over loudspeaker, signaling boarding for the transport leaving for Coruscant. “I mean, the people here, on Ryloth…they care. Maybe you haven’t noticed, but they’re appreciative of our help.”

We are not blind to their sacrifice.

He had tried not to think too much about her, the Twi’lek bartender, but being surrounded by her people, on her planet, made it difficult. Not only were there reminders of her everywhere he looked, but now Howzer’s words echoed a sentiment she had tried to instill in him the last time they spoke. His skin prickled with the feeling of being cornered, like he was being pressured into admitting to something he didn’t believe in.

“I don’t care,” Ghoul said, exasperated and at the end of his rope for how much more he could tolerate. “They’re only grateful because they’re desperate. They’d be licking the boots of anyone who showed up to help.”

“That’s not true,” Howzer frowned. “They’ve been nothing but accepting.”

“Tch. Don’t kid yourself. No matter what you do, no matter how many battles you manage to scrape together, you’re never going to be accepted by them. You’re not one of them.”

He struck a nerve. He could tell almost immediately from the way Howzer’s jaw clenched, the muscle twitching as he ground his teeth together. Ghoul watched the scar on his cheek stretch and contract with the movement and wondered if there was a limit to how much abuse Howzer was willing to take before he snapped. But maybe it wasn’t the insults thrown his way that bothered him so much.

“With all due respect,” Howzer said, drawing himself up and standing back at attention, “You’re wrong, Commander. You’re wrong about the Twi’leks and you’re wrong about me.”

“Oh am I?”

“You are. I wasn’t assigned here against my will. I requested to be stationed on Ryloth. The Siege of Lessu was my first campaign before I made Captain—a complete and utter loss, by the way, so yeah, I’m aware you’ve had to clean up after us. But you know something?”

He took a deep breath, like he was getting something off his chest that had been weighing on him for some time, and Ghoul wished that he could be anywhere else at the moment.

“Syndulla and his people got us out of there. They knew this planet better than we did, knew how to utilize the cave systems and escape routes that have existed for thousands of years. They refused to leave my unit behind even though we were slowing them down. At the end of the day, after we made it to safety? They helped us mourn the dead, showed us how they burn their bodies to release their spirits back to the mother goddess, Kika'lekki. They shared with us everything they had, even when they had so little to begin with. We were nothing to them, nobodies, but they took us in and showed us kindness that I’ve never known before. So…yeah. I know I’m not one of them…but they make me feel like that doesn’t matter. Ryma gesu'tak allesh, Commander. Have a safe flight back to Coruscant.”

Howzer executed the tightest about face Ghoul had ever seen and strode away, leaving him alone on the platform with three packs filled to bursting with heavy, non-standard equipment and no one to help carry it all onboard. It was the way Ghoul preferred things to be; he didn’t need anyone’s sympathy, he didn’t need help, and he definitely didn’t want attention.

The departure announcement sounded again, nearing its final call for boarding. Ghoul slung one of his packs over his shoulder and grabbed the others one in each hand. His legs moved like he was on autopilot, carrying him across the landing pad until he was safely strapped in to a seat, crushed between a small porthole and two other clones who had already decided to take advantage of the several hours they were going to spend in hypersapce to get some sleep. They leaned against one another, heads touching and cradling their helmets in their laps as they stretched their legs out over a crate in front of them.

Every last centimeter of space was taken up by either bodies or supplies. There were more injured clones than not, but Ghoul wasn’t focused on them. He didn’t even seem to notice the sounds of their moans as the pain meds wore off, or the scent of dried blood permeating the cabin space. He barely noticed the gentle beeping of medical equipment hooked up to the worst of them. The only thing playing through his mind was the way Howzer had looked at him while delivering his final unwanted speech…and the little green Twi’lek bartender back on Coruscant.

It was uncanny how similar their words sounded when he played them back in his mind.

Out the porthole he watched as Ryloth got smaller and smaller, until they made the jump to hyperspace. He hadn’t planned on sleeping, but ended up not having much of a choice as he made himself as comfortable as he could, leaning against the cold hull with his arms crossed over his chest. His dreams were scattered, disjointed and unintelligible except for the one that woke him up gasping for air and looking around to see where the hell he was; he didn’t sleep again after that, and by the time they finally landed on Coruscant, he had all but forgotten what the dream had been about.

Mandatory debriefing lasted only two days, with one day being fully given over for making his report to higher-ups. Ghoul had to grit his teeth to get through the whole thing and somehow managed not to lose his tenuous grasp on his sanity when one of the Senators started asking idiotic questions about the mission. He didn’t know the name of the Jedi general who came to his rescue and took over fielding questions, but he didn’t care. He was just about done with it all. He wanted a smoke…and a drink.

He…he realized he wanted to go to 79s.

For a drink, he told himself. Not to see her, though he doubted she cared after the last time they parted ways. His last memories of her were the way she had moved across the stage at Rollo’s, flexible and lithe, wearing clothes that left so very little to the imagination. He had watched her dance through three different songs, until he forced himself to leave because he could no longer ignore the tightness in his pants. He couldn’t even remember making it back to the barracks, only that he had headed straight to the showers and spent all of his time allotment in one of the corner stalls, blasting cold water against his head and back as he fisted his cock until he came hard enough to make his knees buckle.

He was so sure she wouldn’t want to see him again after that night, positive that she had never expected him to stand there like his boots had sunk through the floor of that dingy club and watch her dance, and so he had avoided 79s like the plague until his assignment to Ryloth. He didn’t want to admit to any guilt…but he had thought about the way she had swung herself around the poles so often he was almost certain he had permanently burned the image of her into the backs of his eyelids.

And now there he stood, outside of 79s and feeling like the same kind of pathetic loser he had called Howzer for daring to express a simple desire for acceptance among a people he didn’t belong to.

He didn’t even know if she was working today.

You’re not gonna find out by standing out here, Ghoul told himself, before shoving his way inside. It was still too early to be crowded, but several clones had already gathered in pockets, some lounging around at tables with their kits half-on, half-off while others actually had time to change into their dress uniforms. Ghoul stood there at the entrance in his dark armor, helmet once again tucked under his arm as he scanned the bar, looking for—

Yes. There she was, serving drinks to a couple of grizzled, first-gen commanders. He didn’t know how he had ever mistaken the muted, blanched greens of the Twi’leks on Ryloth for her; it felt like an insult to how vibrant her skin glowed beneath the neon lights above the bar. He watched her for a moment, the cheerful way she greeted the other clones and spoke to them, leaning over the counter to better understand them when they asked a question too low for her to hear. She came away laughing, a little flush on her cheeks that made Ghoul feel like he needed to break something before she finally noticed him standing by the door.

It had to be his imagination that made the blush on her cheeks spread to her lekku, just a trick of the lights. She smiled brightly in his direction and waved before turning back to the bar to grab a bottle off the top shelf. Ghoul steeled himself and made his way to the seat at the end of the counter, closest to the wall—the seat that, somewhere down the line he had come to think of as his seat.

“Ghoul,” the Twi’lek said warmly as he sat down and she slid him a small glass, “it is so good to be seeing you again! It has been a long time since last we met…I wondered where you had gone.”

Ghoul picked up the glass and sniffed at the liquid within. Just as he thought: Catsblood.

“Just another mission,” he said, trying to push down the overwhelming sensation of relief that flooded his entire body. He didn’t know why, but this felt a bit like…like coming home. He didn’t try to think about how it was the first time since Toydaria that he had bothered stepping foot into 79s without either Wolffe or Fox present, or the fact that he didn’t feel burdened to answer her innocent question with anything other than the truth. He could look at her now without feeling the burn of annoyance he usually felt when dealing with civvies.

“Anything you are allowed to talk about?” she asked, tilting her head to the side. Her lekku sported a striped pattern that he hadn’t seen on any other Twi’lek he had encountered on Ryloth; the way the stripes fell against her forehead almost reminded him of the way some people wore their hair with bangs.

“It’s classified,” he said, wondering what she’d say if she knew he had been to her home planet.

“That figures,” she sighed, still smiling. She smiled at everyone, but for some reason when she aimed it at him…it felt more personal. “Most of the interesting missions always are. I will have to use my imagination then, to come up with a good story for where you have been these past two months.”

Months. Yeah, it’d been about that and some change since he had last seen her. Nothing about her or the bar was different—still the same old 79s, with its gaudy decor, cheap drinks, and sticky floors, still the same cheerful bartender. Ghoul took a sip and found the Catsblood warm, the way he liked it, because too much ice messed with his prosthetics, made some of the internal synth-metal pieces contract painfully. She had remembered, the same way she remembered his name.

Ghoul didn’t know how to verbalize the way it made him feel. It was such a small detail, such a pitiful thing to get excited about, but when he knew he could sit at the bar, not even look at a menu, and she’d serve him anyway? It felt like for the first time in his life, his opinions mattered. That he was someone outside of the armor.

It made him feel like she saw him as…a real person.

The image of Howzer arose in his thoughts, the way he smiled and acted so friendly all the time, especially with the members of the Twi’lek rebellion, and Ghoul remembered Howzer’s parting words to him—“I know I’m not one of them…but they make me feel like that doesn’t matter.”

Was it something like this? Was it the same way he felt just sitting in a bar and not caring who was staring at him, because he could get a drink without asking for it and the bartender smiled at him like she was happy to see him, even though it had been two months since the last time, and even though there were other clones, friendlier than him who made her laugh and blush? Ghoul wondered what she might think of Howzer, with his candid expressions and his perfect smile, his affable nature and the easy way he seemed to have picked up her language. He bet Howzer would never call her stupid, or insult her people to her face.

Ghoul winced at the memory and quickly downed half his drink, holding it between his synthetic cheeks just long enough to feel the comforting burn spread across the roof of his mouth.

“You, uh…been doin’ alright?” he asked haltingly, trying to remember what it felt like to make smalltalk with someone he wasn’t actively trying to get away from.

“It is the same as ever,” the Twi’lek replied, leaning over the counter and resting on her elbows. “When I am not working or volunteering I am sleeping; always those three things, I think. I am lucky if I find time to read.”

“What do you read?” Ghoul asked.

“Many things, but I enjoy an escape every now and then—would you believe I love the mystery stories the best?”

“No,” he said, “I wouldn't have guessed.”

She was close enough that he could move his arm and they’d be touching. She’d never gotten so far into his personal space before, and he hadn’t seen her do this with the other clones who made her laugh. Maybe she treated all of her customers the same whenever he wasn’t around, though.

“What about…the other place?” Ghoul asked, trying to think of things to say. “You still work there?”

“Yes, but not so loud!” she whispered, holding up a finger to her lips. No one could have possibly heard, but she looked worried all the same. Maybe it was a mistake to bring that up so immediately; she might think it was the only thing he had thought about the entire time he had been gone.

“Anyone been bothering you?” he tried again, feeling more stupid and worthless by the second. It had been so easy for the other clones to drag a peal of sharp laughter out of her. What had they managed to say that had been so amusing? What was he missing? He didn’t remember conversation being this difficult before; he could still make Fox and Wolffe laugh, but he didn’t think their brand of humor was something she’d find funny.

“Sometimes,” she admitted, “but that is part of the job. There will always be customers who drink too much and let it go to their heads; they are handsy and loud, but nothing more.”

Handsy? Ghoul thought to himself.

He remembered the look of her slender wrist caught in the grip of the drunk who had assaulted her, the way she had worked to free herself in a pointless struggle that hadn’t ended until he had stepped in. Was it more of the same? More like that? He didn’t know much about her, but he knew that she was the type to put up with a lot from others, maybe more than any sensible person would have under normal circumstances.

And it gave him an idea.

“Hey,” he said, “what time do you get out of here?”

It’s my imagination, he told himself when he thought he saw a blush reappear on her cheeks.

“In—in a few hours,” she said, stumbling over her words a bit. “Why?”

“I want you to meet me somewhere.”

She looked suspicious for a moment, the ends of her lekku flicking in a way that Ghoul thought might be curiosity. He didn’t speak Ryl, or know all the ways Twi’lek communicated using their lekku, but he wouldn’t blame her for thinking he was up to something. He was going off of a whim and if it worked then maybe he wouldn’t need to subject either of them to the painful way he kept grasping at attempts to communicate the same way others did.

Ghoul grabbed a napkin and smoothed it out on the countertop in front of him; he didn’t have anything to write with, but he didn’t even need to ask before the bartender was holding out a pen of her own, a curious look on her face as she watched him write down coordinates (and then, on a second thought, he wrote down the actual address because that’s probably what civvies did when they were trying to give directions).

“It’s not far from here,” he said. “You can walk it. I’ll have everything set up by the time you arrive.”

“So mysterious,” she said, taking the napkin and reading it over. “Just like my favorite genre. Alright, I will accept this offer…but are you sure you will not be waiting too long? Sometimes I am made to stay and clean before I leave.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Ghoul said, feeling a little lighter when she didn’t immediately reject him. “I’m on leave for the next few days. I’ve got time.”

“What is it for?”

“...you’ll see when you get there.”

That brought a smile to her face. A small one, but the way her mouth curved felt like a dagger slipped between his ribs, more effective than any vibroblade.

“I like surprises,” she murmured, folding the napkin into a square and slipping it into the pocket of her pants. “Okay. I will see you in a little while. Thank you.”

He wanted to tell her not to thank him just yet; it was honestly a harebrained idea and if it fell flat he didn’t plan on showing his face anywhere near her again. But he was riding the high the idea had brought and he still needed time to go and get them registered. If she got there and hated everything about it, he’d deal with the fallout then.

For now though, he downed the rest of his drink, slapped his credits down on the bar and grabbed his helmet.

“Oh,” he said before he took his leave. “I uh…forgot to ask.”

“Yes?”

Ghoul averted his gaze, unable to look her in the face as the parts of his cheeks not mottled with scar tissue heated up in an embarrassed flush.

“What’s your name again?”

He didn’t see her initial reaction, but when he heard her laugh he looked up just in time to see the way her nose scrunched up before she covered the lower half of her face with her hand.

Oh.

“Odessa,” she said, humming with amusement.

Ghoul stood there a moment, transfixed by the way she pulled her lower lip between her teeth to try and keep her smile from taking over her entire face.

“Odessa,” he repeated with a nod. “I won’t forget this time.”

~~~

Odessa didn’t realize she had been keeping track of the days since she had last seen Ghoul until he walked back through the doors at 79s, wearing the dark armor she had become so accustomed to seeing him in and carrying his helmet beneath his arm as rules dictated.

She had made note of the last time he had come to the bar, just a little memo she kept at home for her own amusement, but as the days stretched into weeks and the weeks into months she had grown worried. Of course he was a soldier, and soldiers were made for the battlefield, but she didn’t know his rank or position and had no idea what attachment he was a part of. She thought about asking Commander Wolffe the next time he showed up, but lost her nerve when he did.

She didn’t want to seem as though she was fishing for information…even though that’s exactly what she wanted to do.

The same night Odessa had caught Ghoul watching her dance at Rollo’s she had gone back to her tiny one room flat and thought about him. She thought about him more than she had ever thought about any clone who had come through the bar before and determined for herself that she…she had started to think of him in ways that were no longer strictly professional. Ghoul had piqued her interest from the start with his dark looks and his gruesome prosthetics, but the more she observed him and interacted with him the more she had begun to take an interest in who he was beneath those things.

Yes, he was rude, abrasive, aloof, and only seemed to care about Commanders Wolffe and Fox, but he was also…oddly considerate. Not on purpose, she thought, but he paid for his drinks each time in spite of her trying to give him at least one on the house. He tipped proportionately when he could and didn’t drink what he couldn’t pay for, even if she couldn’t pour it back into the bottle. He obeyed the sign at the door and removed his helmet, even though she felt confident in assuming he would have preferred to leave it on for as long as possible. He kept his head down and minded his business, like he didn’t really want anyone to take notice that he was there.

And then, more recently, he had proven that he could be considerate. Odessa still didn’t believe that he had jumped to fight those drunks in order to save her—they had insulted him, and she knew more than a few other clones who would have happily swung first—but in doing so he had stopped them from potentially hurting her or destroying the bar. He had offered to escort her to Rollo’s for no reason other than he thought it would be dangerous for her to walk alone, in spite of the fact that she had already made the short journey a hundred times before he had even known about it.

He’s nice, she told herself as she quickly wiped down the counters one last time while Rumi and Cyna clocked in for the evening shift. He’s nicer than he was in the beginning, at least. I think I could like him.

She actually thought she could do a whole lot better than just ‘like’ him, but she didn’t want to get ahead of herself.

“Everything is ready for you,” Odessa called out to her coworkers as she threw off the apron she wore around her waist. “Remember to do the restock at the end of the night—you do not have to wait for everyone to leave, you can start before as long as it is not too busy!”

“Stop worrying about us and go enjoy your, uh…date or whatever,” Rumi said, waving her off.

“It is not a date,” Odessa said, while her heart leapt in her chest.

“Okay, don’t get murdered then, I guess!”

Odessa rolled her eyes and left the other two girls to figure out how to survive without her covering for them as she quickly ran outside to take the napkin out of her pocket. It was a little damp from where she spilled beer on herself trying to carry too many mugs at once, but at least the ink hadn’t bled. Ghoul’s handwriting was messy, but legible, and the address he left her was in an area she only partially knew, located near one of the large military bases. Curiosity consumed her—normally she would always refuse the offers she received from patrons to take her out after work, but this felt different.

Ghoul’s intentions were a mystery, but the fact that he had wanted her to meet him instead of waiting for her so they could go together kept Odessa grounded in reality; it wasn’t a date, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t looking forward to it.

She had to stop twice to ask for directions, but once she made it past the base she had a better idea where she was headed.

And it was a surprise.

It made sense that there’d be a firing range right outside of a military base, but it had never occurred to Odessa to visit one. She couldn’t legally own a blaster anyways, so learning how to shoot was just something that had never crossed her mind. She could almost hear her father’s voice echoing around her thoughts, telling her there was no point in teaching her since she wouldn’t be joining the rebellion—her heart throbbed painfully with the memory, her throat suddenly tight as she remembered the angry tears she had spilled over the argument.

Suddenly she…didn’t feel so sure about this anymore.

But, true to his word, Ghoul was waiting for her outside. He took up more than his fair share of a bench, smoke curling from his mouth as he exhaled off a cygarette. He saw her coming in the same second she noticed him and quickly stubbed out the death stick before she got too close. Odessa didn’t mind the smell, but it was a nice gesture.

“I was not expecting this,” she said as soon as she was close enough that she didn’t have to shout to be heard. “Are you sure I am allowed to go in?”

“Why wouldn’t you be?” Ghoul asked, giving her an odd look. “It’s mostly clones, but the range is open to the public; if anyone looks funny at you, just tell me. I’ll set ‘em straight.”

She had meant it more in the sense of legality, whether it was okay for her to even look at a blaster, let alone go inside a building where she assumed she’d be surrounded by them, but something about the way Ghoul reassured her filled her with a sense of calm. He wouldn’t have brought her here just to humiliate her in some way.

“So what is this place?” she asked, shielding her eyes from the sun as she looked up at the seemingly endless walls; it was at least three stories tall. “What are we going to be doing?”

“Just some target practice,” Ghoul said, opening the door; he started to go in first then seemed to think better of it, and stood aside to gesture her in ahead of him. Odessa hugged herself nervously, but allowed him to usher her inside the cool, air-conditioned room. As her eyes adjusted to shift in brightness, she felt him nudge her with his elbow toward another set of doors past a counter and rows upon rows of blaster power cells. There were a few people browsing, a couple of standard clones who didn’t appear to have any self-imposed modifications as well as a human woman wearing custom armor.

“I do not know how to shoot,” Odessa heard herself say as the distant sound of blasterfire sent cold shivers running up and down her arms.

“I know,” Ghoul said from right behind her, “I’m going to teach you.”

Father would be displeased, she thought to herself. He had done everything in his power to keep weapons of any kind out of her hands from the earliest age she had begun to show an interest in learning to use them, and he had forbidden everyone her family knew from teaching her in secret. He was well-respected within their village and didn’t fear disobedience from anyone.

But this wasn’t Ryloth and Ghoul, she suspected, feared no one.

Trepidation began to loosen its hold on her as anticipation slowly took its place. Odessa allowed herself the freedom to look around, watching with interest as Ghoul accepted a black duffel bag from one of the workers behind the counter; they looked at her strangely for a moment, but he leaned in and tapped his finger sharply against their shoulder.

“She’s with me,” he said brusquely.

And that was the end of it. The employee found something far more interesting to stare at and Ghoul jerked his head at Odessa as he shoved open the doors that led into a brightly lit hallway. It stretched in both directions for what seemed like the entire length of the building, the white expanse of wall broken up by steel doors stenciled with a combination of letters and numbers. Ghoul took off to the right with the bag slung over his shoulder, headed for a predetermined destination and it was all Odessa could do to keep up with the length of his stride. She could tell he wasn’t used to being followed, or having to wait for someone to catch up. He was single-minded in his intent to get to where they needed to go.

“I have never held a blaster before,” Odessa admitted as he wrenched open door H19.

“We all start out that way,” he said, unmoved by her excuses. “You’ll never learn if you don’t try. Get in.”

She hurried to obey, scurrying under his arm as he held the door open for her. The room she entered looked smaller at first, until she realized it was only the width that made it seem so. The walls were covered in a soft, fabric material and a barrier separated the small area where they stood from the rest of the room, which stretched roughly forty-five meters to the other end. Odessa could see a series of targets lined up, sheets of paper sporting dark outlines in the rough shape of Separatist droids.

“They are so far away,” she said, “how will I be able to hit anything?”

“I do it all the time,” Ghoul snorted as he dropped the duffle bag onto the floor and knelt by it. He ripped open the zipper and rummaged around for a few seconds before pulling out a black, hard case, followed by a second one. Odessa’s heart rate spiked erratically when he popped the locks open to reveal a set of matching blasters. They looked much smaller than what she had seen before, but her memory betrayed her—those had been Separatist weapons, not Republic. The design Ghoul held was sleeker, fitted for organic hands, the grip situated closer to the trigger.

The lump in her throat grew and she felt as though she couldn’t swallow around it. The chill crept back into her flesh, raising tiny bumps all along her arms and shoulders. She wrung her hands together, seriously contemplating telling him that she didn’t want to do this anymore, didn’t want to hold that cold, black thing in her hands, didn’t want to hear the sound it made when it went off.

“Here,” Ghoul said as he got back to his feet. He fit the other blaster into a holster on his hip, and she realized that these were his own personal weapons. He took hold of her elbow and dragged her closer to the barrier, setting the blaster down on the narrow siding. “I’m not an idiot, so we’ll go over safety first. This is the end blastbolts come out of; obviously, don’t point it anywhere you aren’t willing to shoot. This is the grip, the trigger, the power cell fits into here, and this is the safety switch.”

Odessa’s head swam as she watched him point out the parts of the blaster, information she realized she had already known, but had buried deep inside of her. She tried to say something, but the inside of her mouth felt as though it were filled with dust and she had to wet her teeth before trying again.

“That one there,” she said, pointing to a red button, “that is…for stunning?”

“Yes, good,” Ghoul said, sounding surprised. “We don’t use it on the range though; it doesn’t leave a mark and most of us are interested in our scores.”

“Score?”

“You’ll see in a minute. Now, look at this.”

His hands moved quickly and efficiently over the blaster, holding it at an angle away from himself as he popped the power cell containment. The cylinder fell into his waiting palm after a good tap and he set it aside. In the next moment he swept his arm up and pointed the blaster toward the target hanging at the other end; Odessa slapped her hands over her tcharan as he pulled the trigger…but nothing happened.

“It’s got no charge to it,” Ghoul said as he looked down at her. There was something close to amusement in his expression, she thought, but it was difficult to tell with his prosthetic. She knew though, just from the way the corners of his eyes wrinkled despite the scarring.

“That was mean,” she said as she dropped her hands, cheeks burning in embarrassment, like she should have known better.

“It’s educational. Here, you can hold it now that it’s safe.”

He held the blaster out to her expectantly, but Odessa just stared at it. It looked so small in his hand, so unassuming, like a little toy. It was…difficult to believe the power it held…the danger it represented. She thought of her father and the way he would disapprove…and she thought of her mother, laying on the floor in front of her, eyes glassy and unseeing as smoke rose from a hole in her chest.

She tasted bile in the back of her throat and forced herself to swallow it back down, forced herself to reach out and grab the weapon before she let her fear get the best of her.

It was as cold as she expected it to be but weighed heavier in her palm than its compact design had led her to believe. She closed her hand around the textured grip and Ghoul shuffled to stand just behind her shoulder, so close she could have leaned back just a bit and her lekku would brush against his chestplate.

“Remember what I said,” he murmured, “don’t point it at anything you don’t wanna shoot.”

“I have been paying attention,” Odessa murmured back as she slid her other hand along the side of the blaster, feeling it out. She toggled the safety switch and pressed the button that switched the modes for stun and kill, popped the bottom of the grip where the power cell fit in place, but avoided the trigger entirely. She didn’t know if she could do it, even while it presented no danger.

Ghoul observed her quietly, his presence at her back offering some comfort. She trusted that he knew what he was doing, that he wouldn’t let anything bad happen to her. Odessa knew he wouldn’t have invited her out to the range if he hadn’t thought her competent enough to at least try to learn. She still didn’t understand why, but…there was a part of her that didn’t want to disappoint him. He had come all this way and went through who knew how much trouble just to see her inside the building…it would shame her too much to back down now, after his show of trust.

Hesitantly, reluctantly, she slid her finger around the trigger and pulled back.

It didn’t budge.

“It is broken,” she said apologetically, after trying again with both hands to no avail.

Ghoul snorted and reached around her. He touched the back of her hand before his finger joined hers on the trigger, helping her hold it steady. The noise she swallowed would have been embarrassing, had she let it slip past her lips.

“Don’t yank on it,” he muttered, his breath a warm puff against the back of her lekku. “You gotta squeeze.”

He demonstrated what he meant, helping her slowly pull back until the trigger clicked, indicating it would have fired a shot.

Odessa squeezed her eyes shut—this time, the chill that ran up her spine had nothing to do with fear.

“I do not understand why it is so hard,” she said, trying to distract herself from how close Ghoul stood to her. She swayed in place and felt her hip brush against his kit; in response, or maybe just because, he took a step back.

“It’s to guard against accidental discharge,” Ghoul said. “You get used to it after a while. Ready to try with a live cell?”

“I…I do not know,” Odessa said, biting her lip. She set the blaster down on the siding the way she had watched him do before, and turned to look at him. “Why are you teaching me this? I am…not a soldier.”

He blinked down at her, his eyes giving away nothing. She didn’t know if it was because they were cybernetic or because he was trying very hard to school his expression, but he had always been more difficult to read for that reason.

“You don’t have to be a soldier to need to know your way around a blaster,” Ghoul said, his hands on his hips. “Consider these self-defense lessons.”

“But I do not own a—”

“I’ll deal with that later. Look, do you wanna do this or not?”

Odessa looked back down the range at the target. It was so small and so far away; there was no way she’d ever be able to make such a shot on her own, not even in the case of an emergency. If she were ever in a position where she was caught unawares, she’d have no choice but to surrender without a fight.

She closed her eyes and her mother’s stared back at her, dull and empty, lifeless.

“Yes,” she said, inhaling sharply. “Yes, I want to.”

“Good.”

Ghoul knelt back down and dug through his bag again, coming back up with a pair of protective earmuffs and glasses that looked as though they hadn’t been used in a very long time.

“Will these fit?” he asked, holding both items out for her to take.

Odessa took the heavy earmuffs in hand and turned them over, pulling on either earpiece to see how far they stretched.

“I think so,” she said, trying them on. They were a little tight over her tcharan, but the sound of her own voice was muffled now. The glasses fit her awkwardly, but they were not made with Twi’lek anatomy in mind.

“What about you?” Odessa asked when she saw Ghoul stand back up without any additional safety gear for himself.

“Relax,” he said, then reached to his ears to fiddle with his hearing aid. “Volume’s down, so talk louder if you want me to hear you. Here’s the power cell. How you watched me take it out? It goes back in the same way. Just push until you hear the click. The gauge shows how much of a charge you got left. Keep the safety on until you’re ready to make your shot.”

Odessa’s hands shook as she tried to follow his directions. She felt clumsy, like a child trying to figure out a new toy for the first time. It didn’t help that she felt his eyes on her, judging her for the amount of time she wasted trying to do what he could in seconds.

“There,” she said as the gauge lit up, showing a full charge. “Now what?”

“Now you point it at the target, line up your sights, and squeeze the trigger.”

“You make it sound so easy,” she grumbled loudly, holding her arm out to point the blaster toward the target.

“Both hands,” Ghoul growled, roughly tapping her other shoulder. His fingers were hard and sharp, jabbing into her painfully. Odessa scowled but corrected her grip with one hand cradling the other. She heard him sigh in exasperation and he reached over her shoulder again, pressing against her back to do so.

“Extend this finger,” he said, uncurling her pointer that wasn’t on the trigger. “Hold it against the barrel like this; it helps steady your shot.”

“Do you normally teach?” she asked as her lekku twitched. He was so broad, so warm. Her heat-seeking heart wanted to lean into him, which was a silly idea, very stupid. She distracted herself by tapping her newly extended finger against the side of the blaster.

“I don’t waste my time with shinies,” Ghoul said. “They got instructors on Kamino for that. How’s that feel?”

“Like I am holding a blaster in my hands.”

“Alright, smartass. Go ahead and take your time. Shoot only when you’re ready.”

“I am going to miss.”

“Probably.”

Odessa pouted, but their banter felt…a little more playful this time. She could swear Ghoul was enjoying himself. Already he had spoken more words than he ever had before and had invaded her personal space twice. She didn’t mind it at all, even though it put her back in the headspace she had been trying to escape from for the past two months, where thoughts of the way his hands might feel on the ends of her lekku tormented her. She wondered how much of his prosthetic jaw was for show.

“I am aiming,” she said, closing one eye to try and focus down the tiny sights on the top of the blaster.

“Eyes open,” Ghoul ordered. Odessa made a noise of frustration and glanced over her shoulder to shoot him a little glare. Nonplussed, he shrugged.

“You see better with both eyes open,” he said. “It’s common sense.”

“Okay,” she said, licking her lips as she refocused. It was such a small target, impossible for anyone except an expertly trained soldier…but she took a deep breath, flicked the safety off with her thumb, and squeezed the trigger the way Ghoul had shown her, slowly exerting pressure until she felt it give.

TSSEEW!!

Odessa yelped as the blaster fired, the recoil reverberating up through her hands and into her forearms. It tingled in the same way her leg felt when she sat with it folded beneath her for too long, like it had gone to sleep. Fuzzy was the right word. She could taste her heart in the back of her throat, heard the blood rushing through her head. For a moment, she almost felt dizzy. Quickly, Odessa flicked the safety back on and set the blaster down, taking a step back and bumping into Ghoul as she did so.

His hands flew to her shoulders for the briefest of moments, then fluttered away, like he was…unsure about the ways he could touch her. Small gestures seemed to be alright, but anything more set him on edge, though whether he was being considerate of her own comfort over his was unclear.

Odessa took a deep, shuddering breath and closed her eyes again, counting through numbers until she didn’t feel like her legs were going to give out from under her. When she looked toward the target to see whether or not she had hit it…there was only a blackened mark on the wall far to the left…and about a meter too high.

“I told you I would miss,” she said, ripping off the earmuffs. “This is pointless.”

"It's only pointless if you give up. Stop whining."

"The target is too far away! How can anyone hit it from back here?"

Ghoul sneered and reached for his blaster so quickly Odessa barely had time to pull her earmuffs back on before he fired. Unlike her, he held his blaster in one hand and aimed from a sidestance and unlike her, all three of his rapidfire shots hit the target dead center, three perfect holes that made her one attempt look even more pathetic.

“You missed because it's your first time, " Ghoul said. "And you closed your eyes at the last second. And your stance is…kriffing awful. Come on, put those back on and try again. You’re not leaving until you can at least hit the target.”

She almost refused…but she remembered the way she had cried when her father took her brother out to show him how to use a blaster, leaving her behind. It had dug a hole in her heart, one so small it had been easy to ignore for the past decade. This…could very well be her only chance to learn what she had been denied so long ago.

With a sigh, Odessa pulled the earmuffs back on and tried to adjust them so they weren’t so uncomfortable. Ghoul waited for her at the barrier, and this time when she picked up the blaster his hand hovered over her arm, like he wanted to take hold. Odessa swallowed, the ends of her lekku curling.

“You can touch me, if you need to,” she said.

“...what?”

“I said…if I am standing wrong, you can touch me—to fix it.”

Ghoul didn’t say anything for so long that she thought he hadn’t heard her at all. Or maybe he was trying to find a way to refuse. She realized a little too late that her words could be taken the wrong way, out of context, and hoped he’d mistake her blush for one of stress. Another moment passed in which she considered telling him to forget what she had just said, but then she saw his fingers curl a bit in hesitation before he took hold of her arm, cupping her elbow in a firm grip.

Odessa felt him press against her back, then jumped as he knocked his boot against her feet, kicking them a little further apart. His other hand fell to her hip—she imagined the way his last two fingers flexed against her, surely—and he used his hold to forcibly angle her body so one foot was planted ahead of the other. She wasn’t sure she felt any sturdier than she had before, but he seemed pleased at least.

“Now I shoot?” she asked, looking back at him.

He was close, so close she could see the fine details of his prosthetic, the black-on-black pattern etched into the pieces on either side of the bottom row of teeth, and the impossibly tiny screws holding them together. His eyes were more silvery than white, and the scarring surrounding them more extensive than she had previously realized.

“Hold on,” he said. His hand had never left her elbow and he held tight as he leaned over her shoulder, unblinking as he adjusted her aim. Odessa found herself holding her breath as every inch of her became painfully aware of every inch of him.

“Alright,” Ghoul said. “Go ahead and shoot.”

She squeezed the trigger too quick and the shot went wild, this time to the right of the target; the blastmark against the wall sat closer, but still a little too high.

“Stop tensing,” he snapped, squeezing her arm. “What’s wrong with you?”

“I am not tensing!” she protested. “I am doing exactly as you said!”

“Like I can’t feel it? No one’s shooting back at you, so loosen up.”

He gave her a little shake that made her want to ‘accidentally’ step on his foot, but his criticism was valid. He was probably regretting his decision to teach her how to shoot now that he saw how bad she was at it, but Odessa didn’t want to give up. She wasn’t a quitter

“Again,” she said. “There is plenty of charge left. And you are on leave, are you not? We have time.”

She heard him sigh.

“Fine. Let’s try and make at least one passable shot.”

The next two attempts failed in the same way, with one narrowly missing the target and the other scorching the floor and almost sparking another argument. Ghoul’s frustration with her inability to make one clean hit was only matched by her stubborn refusal to back down. Her fifth shot did better—it clipped through the edge of the target, burning the paper. Ghoul still counted it as a miss and helped her adjust her stance again by just a small margin.

Odessa’s hands felt numb, like they were filled with stinging insects. She could scarcely feel her fingers anymore and she truly had no idea how clones could do this day in and day out. She felt her respect for them climb ever higher, knowing how useless she would have been on the battlefield. She tried not to think of her father and the infamous I–told–you–so expression he wore whenever he was proven right. None of that mattered.

“I think I am beginning to get the hang of it,” she said when her next shot actually hit the edge of the target’s outline.

“Barely,” Ghoul snorted as he slid his hand further up her arm, toward her shoulder. “On Kamino they’d have dropped you back in the tank for reconditioning.”

“What’s that?” she asked, immediately curious. She had never heard him—or any clone, for that matter—speak openly about the watery planet from which they originated. Rumors ran rampant, of course, but she never trusted any piece of newsworthy information that didn’t come with sources attached.

“It’s…it’s when clones don’t do as well as they’re supposed to in simulations,” Ghoul said. Odessa felt the change in his grip as much as she heard it in the tone of his voice, the way his fingers stiffened and all the emotion bled out of him. He sounded so different, so guarded all of the sudden that she felt bad for asking.

“What happens?” she pressed, despite the warning signs that this was a subject best left alone.

“...they’re made to start over.”

She didn’t know what that was supposed to mean, but there was finality to his words that she didn’t argue. He didn’t want to talk about it and she didn't want to push him any farther. Whatever 'reconditioning' was, it couldn't be anything good.

"One more, I think," Odessa said, changing the subject to distract Ghoul. "I will hit the target this next time, I am certain."

"...we'll see."

He lowered his hand from her arm and took a step back, leaving her at the barrier alone. Without his support, she felt the ache in her shoulders more poignantly. The scent of burnt ozone hung in the air and the blaster felt slippery in her hands, a combination of the sweat from her palms and the heatsink compensating for the power cell and capacitors. She really didn't want to disappoint him….

Odessa inhaled a deep breath, held it for a moment, then exhaled just as slowly. She stared down the sights of the blaster, lining them up with the target in the distance.

Just squeeze, she coached herself. Slowly and firmly.

TSSEEW!!

The blasterbolt ripped through the paper, incinerating a good portion of the target's shoulder and chassis. It wasn't a direct shot, nor was it perfect, but it was a solid hit.

"Yes!!" Odessa cheered, setting the blaster down before jumping around in a circle. She beamed at Ghoul, who stood there with his eyebrows raised like he hadn't expected her to actually do any better.

"Your expert teaching has paid off!" she claimed as she set aside the earmuffs. "So now I sign up for battle, yes?"

He chuckled—actually chuckled— and shook his head.

"I didn't think you'd be able to do it," he admitted. "Guess I don't mind being proven wrong. Good job."

His praise, however small, made her feel as though she could float away. More than anything she liked the way he looked, the shape of his eyes narrowed the same way they would in a smile and the lines of his body more relaxed. She liked the easy way he talked to her now, versus his clipped way of speaking at 79s. He was…handsome, she thought. Not in the usual way, but…it was something else, something that wasn't necessarily physical.

Odessa continued to beam at him, feeling for all the world that she could launch into the sky, circle the sun, and come back down for a perfect landing. And she hadn't wanted to hold the blaster at first.

"Now what?" she asked, rocking on her heels. "More targets?"

"Not today," Ghoul said, stretching. "I need to get back to base. We only had an hour here anyway."

"Then next time," Odessa suggested, feeling very brave. "Next time we…try again."

Ghoul looked startled for a second, then confused. Did he not think she'd want to do this again, just to be around him if nothing else?

"It will be good practice," she insisted before he could say anything. "I am still not so good a shot…it will take more times before I can be like you."

That drew out another little snort of amusement and Ghoul shook his head.

"A whole war wouldn't be enough to get you on the same level as me," he said, "but you gotta start somewhere. Come on, pack up."

He made her discharge the blaster's capacitor before letting her pack it back into its protective carrying case, and then he hauled his bag back over his shoulder again and shooed her out the door. The target itself came with them, rolled up and tucked beneath his arm until he handed it to her to carry. Odessa hadn’t realized she would be allowed to keep it, but she was already making plans in her head where she would hang it as a memento in her apartment.

The hallway was abandoned except for another pair of humans also ending their training session—not clones, she saw, but what looked like a father and son. Their hair color matched, at least. The boy looked scarcely older than thirteen and, still riding the high from making her shot, Odessa waved at him with a smile when he looked up.

He grinned and waved back enthusiastically—and too late she realized he waved with the same hand holding a blaster.

TSSEEW!!

Odessa didn't have time to react as the shot ricocheted toward them, but she felt an arm encircle her shoulders and push down, hard enough to send her crumpling to her knees mid-step. She curled in on herself instinctively, a hand coming up over the top of her head as she dropped, followed by the weight of another body against her back. The blasterbolt struck the wall, the floor, then the ceiling as it traveled down the hall, burning itself out and sending sparks everywhere. One of the lights flickered, damaged beyond repair, and several doors swished open as people came out to see what the commotion was.

She heard the noise of people shouting—“You karking idiot, who let that brat in here?! Take that thing away from him before it goes off again!”—and footsteps pounding against the floor, the loud, panicked cries of the boy—“I’m sorry I’m sorry I didn’t mean to, I’m sorry!”—and the loudspeakers feeding an announcement into the air for everyone to remain calm. Her heartbeat sounded in her head like the staccato beat of a wardrum and she couldn’t move, frozen to the floor with the rolled up target clutched to her chest like it was her only lifeline.

The hard plasteel of Ghoul’s armor dug into her side, but then she saw his boot come into view. He knelt over her, practically straddling her hips for a moment before climbing to his feet. She caught a glimpse of his expression—incandescent with rage, yet it sent a thrill racing through her—and then he held out his hand to her.

“Get up,” he hissed.

Odessa grasped at his gloved hand and let him yank her to her feet as though she weighed nothing at all, practically lifting her off the ground until she gathered her legs beneath her. Her limbs shook wildly and she gasped, not realizing she had been holding her breath.

“You hurt?” he asked, looking her over.

“N-no,” she replied. “Just startled, I think.”

“Good. Come on.”

He pushed her in front of him, steering her toward the exit doors with a hand on her shoulder; they passed the boy and his father, who were now surrounded by a combination of other patrons and employees, all of them shouting so loudly the sound of it hurt her head. Odessa pressed a few fingers to her temple to quell the throbbing and allowed Ghoul to guide her until they were both outside. She took a deep breath of fresh air, closing her eyes and trying to calm her nerves. She was rattled, but untouched. It was harrowing, but just an accident. No one was hurt. It was okay.

Ghoul paced about four meters away, already smoking a cygarette that she hadn’t noticed him light up. She could hear him muttering to himself, his tone dark and murderous; she didn’t need to hear what he was saying to know that he probably wanted to go back inside and give those two a piece of his mind. Maybe if she hadn’t been there he would have…or maybe he would have done worse, she thought, remembering the violent way he had reacted to the drunks at the bar. Maybe leaving had been the best option.

As the adrenaline wore off, Odessa felt exhaustion take hold of her, filling her limbs with a sluggish feeling that told her she’d sleep well tonight if the nightmares didn’t take hold. Too much excitement for one day, and she hadn’t even managed to change out of her work uniform. Ghoul dropped onto the bench by the wall, having already burned through half of his cygarette.

“Are you alright?” Odessa asked as she joined him, gingerly taking up the space at the far end of the bench. His leg hadn’t stopped bouncing since he sat down and all his muttering had ceased, replaced with a dark, haunted look that filled her with apprehension. His mood shifted him into someone unknown, but she didn’t want to simply ignore it in the hopes that he would return to the Ghoul of only a few moments ago.

“I’m fine,” he said tersely, inhaling on his death stick. “I get shot at all the time; it’s nothing new.”

“Not like this though,” Odessa said as she squirmed in place. “It is not supposed to be happening here.”

“...no. It was an accident—a kriffing stupid one. They need to ban that idiot until he teaches his brat blaster safety.”

“...thank you, for saving me.”

This time she was certain that was what he had done. There was no need to second guess herself when he had acted so quickly, putting himself between her and harm’s way like it was the most natural thing in the world. She wondered how much of his actions were due in part to his training, versus instinct. Or maybe they were the same thing to clones, who were bred to endure conditions worse than an accidental discharge. Odessa swallowed and looked up to the sky, painted in shades of orange and crimson as the sun began to set.

“Don’t need thanks,” Ghoul said beside her. “Just…did what I’m supposed to.”

“Still,” she sighed, “it was dangerous. Thank you.”

He grunted and flicked the rest of his death stick to the ground, getting to his feet again and jerking his head at her.

“Where do you live,” he asked, and there was a tiredness to his voice that she felt reflected in her bones. They were both worn out, it seemed.

“Not far, actually,” she said, also getting to her feet. “But you do not need to accompany me. I can find my own way.”

“Wasn’t asking permission,” Ghoul said.

Odessa smiled and shook her head, but led the way back down a level, like she was headed toward 79s. Her apartment was very small, part of a series of lower-income housing funded by the Senate and rented mostly by immigrants such as herself. It was close enough to the bar that she walked to and from every shift, but far enough from the shelter that she had to take a skyliner with three transfers.

They walked in silence the entire way, Ghoul managing to get through another whole cygarette before he seemed to finally relax. She hadn’t said anything, but she could tell that he had also been unnerved by the rogue blasterbolt. The difference between them was that he had still been able to take action, while she had all but seized up. Her father had been correct about her in a way that burned her to admit, but Odessa didn’t dwell on it for long. She didn’t want to end her day on a sour note.

“This one is me,” she said as she came to a stop in front of her door. Three flights of stairs and a balcony view was more than she ever could have hoped for, even if the inside wasn’t all that impressive. The paint of the door was cracked and peeling and the outside of the complex had seen better years. She didn’t think Ghoul would judge her for where she lived, so she didn’t let it bother her.

“Thank you again,” she said, turning to look up at him. “For the lesson, and for walking with me. You are full of surprises.”

Ghoul sniffed and avoided looking directly at her. Human skintones were all some variation of beige, pink and brown, but she could tell that he blushed from the way his ears reddened.

“It was nothing,” he said. “Just…felt like you should know how to shoot, since you’re always walking places by yourself.”

“You did not have to spend your precious time teaching me, but you did. I…enjoyed it very much.”

He squirmed like he was uncomfortable receiving her gratitude, like he didn’t quite know what to do with it. Odessa watched him for a moment, fighting the feeling building inside of her chest.

But why?

“Ghoul,” she said, to get his attention. He looked and she crooked her finger at him. “Come close.”

He hesitated for a fraction of a second before leaning in like he was expecting her to tell him a secret, turning his ear toward her to better hear. She giggled and reached for his face, standing up on her toes and sliding her fingers along his prosthetic jaw to turn him back to look at her. The kiss she pressed to his mouth was gentle, lingering just long enough for her to realize that yes, his upper lip was as soft as it looked despite the scarring, and she didn’t at all mind the way the prosthetic felt. It was cool beneath her fingers, smooth metal and synth-flesh married together in an impressive feat of engineering that allowed her to kiss him the way she had been thinking about for too long.

“Thank you,” Odessa said as she rocked back on her heels. “I had fun, despite being shot at. You are a very good teacher.”

Ghoul just stared at her, his eyes wide and his breathing shallow. It wasn’t the first time she had managed to surprise him, but she was definitely beginning to master the act. She thumbed the line where the flesh of his cheek disappeared beneath metal and dropped her hand reluctantly. If she stood there any longer she would do something brash, like invite him inside. It was too much for one day, and she already had a lot to think about. She suspected sleep would not come easily for her, despite how tired she felt.

“I will see you again?” she asked. “At 79s?”

“Y-yeah,” Ghoul finally said, his voice raspy.

“Good. Well…take care.”

She unlocked her door and slid inside, watching through the crack as Ghoul turned to leave, his movements halting and stiff. She watched as he glanced back at her door twice, a different look on his face both times; she had never met a man like him before, someone as guarded as he was, who didn’t seem to care for anyone or anything, and yet whose recent actions betrayed the very image he tried to project.

Odessa watched until he descended the stairs out of view, then closed her door and leaned against it with a happy little sigh, her lekku flicking back and forth with delight.

I like him.

#star wars oc #star wars oc fanfic #the bad batch oc #friend oc #odessa x ghoul #the babies #they've come so far #;;A;;#i have never written so much in so short amount of time #the mun writes

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hellfirecvnt · 2 years

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Love your writing and was wondering if you could write a eddiexreader smut😅. They’re (the older teens nancy robin steve jonathan argyle and eddie) hanging out at Steves place during the day in the pool (skimpy Bikini?) and later that evening they’re playing two truths and a lie while under the influence of weed and tequila shots. Its y/ns turn and since she is a lil pervert and loves to mess with eddie bc thats just the way you banter, she decides to mess with him by stating: „okay my turn! One: i am deadly afraid of butterflies. Two: i lost my virginity after watching the shining. And three: (y/n looks to eddie) im a squirter“ they all discuss but she was only focused on munsons reaction. They all voted for the butterfly thing because it seems the most obvious. „Nope scary fucking things, i have never squirted… yet“ later eddie offered to walk her home bc its on his way and his pervy side comes out.

Would love it if it ended with her squirting all over him and him being very proud xD

Long ask but your words sound better than the way i would write it 😅

X J🖤

What's truly wild to me is I have two requests rn and both involve a skimpy bikini water situation and god damn it, I love it here. Thank you for this prompt, I'm already in love AAAA!! (Also idk how to do two truths and a lie as a drinking game. Like idk when they have to take a shot so I'm gonna say when they get it wrong they take a shot lmao.)

...Yet

Eddie Munson x fem!reader

Warnings: Smut (+18, minors DNI), perv!Eddie, perv!reader, drinking, drugs, unprotected sex, more?

A/N: no one is dead. Idk, everything still happened 1-4 but just no death.

[I take requests]

You've lived in Hawkins for about a year now. Same as your friend Argyle. He says he moved here after a crazy earthquake, but you moved here to get away from the city or something cool and mysterious like that.

In the time you've lived here, you made friends with a really fun group of people. Nancy, who you met through journalism at school. Steve and Robin, who you met at Family Video. They took to you like a sibling the moment they found out you knew Nancy. Jonathan and Argyle moved here with the rest of the Byers. Same story about a weird earthquake. You don't ask too much about it.

But then there was Eddie. You meet him for the first time today. You've noticed him plenty of times but didn't get the chance to meet him until Steve and Robin dragged him to Steve's place for a small get-together. You're the first to arrive, a common trait for you.

"Y/N! You came!" Robin beams as she answers the door.

"Of course! I never turn down drinking by a pool," you lift the handle of tequila above your head and give it a "look at this" shake.

"Tequila? Do you want me to die?" Steve appears behind you, hands full of snacks for the shindig.

"Where's everybody at?" You yell into the empty home.

"They're on the way, you're like 30 minutes early. Again." Robin jokes as she passes you a knife to help her chop up fruit for the drinks. The rest of the crew arrives, and finally, in walks a tall, frizzy-haired man in a jean vest. He had several different patches, each one of your favorite bands.

"Munson, you made it!" Steve calls across the kitchen.

"Yeah, I thought you said this wasn't a party, Hair." He smirks, taking the beer Steve has extended out to him. The group migrates outside and you and Robin follow with trays of snacks.

"Oh, by the way, Y/N. This is Eddie," Steve places a friendly hand on Eddie's shoulder and lightly shakes him. He's an overtly friendly guy when he's drunk.

"Nice to meet you!" You smile at him, extending a hand to shake his. He stares at you silently for just a moment. Inside his head, he's fighting everything inside him to keep his eyes on your face. He fights to not let them travel down your body to your barely-there, black bikini. A silver chain dangles around your neck, slotting between your breasts and he's about to explode.

"Oh, uh, I'm Eddie," he answers a question no one asked.

"Yeah. I'm Y/N," you giggle, his face becomes ever so slightly rosy.

"Dude, who brought the tequila?" Argyle's face lights up as he cracks open the lid and pours everyone a shot. You slice a lime and pass the salt shaker around.

"What's the salt for?" Nancy, innocent Nancy.

"Why do you know how to shoot a gun, but you don't know how to shoot tequila?" You quip, earning a laugh from the group.

"It's much easier to pull a trigger than it is to drink something that smells like this." She lifts the shot glass to her nose before quickly yanking it away.

"Well, don't sniff it. That'll really make it hard," Jonathan rubs her back lovingly as she fights the smell out of her nose.

"Oh yeah? Nancy making it hard over there, Jonathan?" You tease, making them both blush. Everyone clinks their tiny glasses together in cheers. Eddie can't keep his eyes off of you. You're funny and sexy and, wow, a little pervy? He downed his shot without the lime or salt, staring at you the whole time.

You don't notice his eyes fucking you from every angle, you just keep laughing with Robin and Nancy.

"Hey, psst, Y/N!" Argyle whispers loudly, no one caring what he's saying. "You wanna come smoke this?" He holds up a skillfully rolled joint in his fingers. Jonathan stands behind him giving two thumbs up in encouragement.

"Hell yeah," you tell the girls to give you a minute and you start off toward the guys.

"Hey, I got one too," Eddie captures you and the boys' attention.

"Then come on, man. Let's go!" Argyle invites him enthusiastically.

"Freaks," Steve jokes with Nancy and Robin as they remain by the pool. The group comes back after a while. Everyone's eyes are bright red. Smiles spread ear to ear on each of your faces.

"I have the best idea," you narrow your eyes toward the entire group. They all look at you expectantly. "Two truths and a lie. I used to play it all the time back home."

"Oh my God, we played that game in Mr. Clark's class in like 7th grade because that kid got violently angry with a custodian and everyone felt like maybe the kids needed a chill day and-" Robin rambles even more when she's buzzed. She notices everyone staring silently and stops. "My bad, let's play."

Nancy goes first. Hers is quite difficult because they're all boring. Jonathan is the only one to guess her lie. Robin goes, then Steve, you easily guess their lies, they have no poker face.

"My turn! One," you hold up a finger, theatrically. "I'm deathly afraid of butterflies. Two," another finger. "I lost my virginity right after watching The Shining for the first time. And three," you raise a third finger and glance over at Eddie. Your sudden eye contact catches him off guard. "I'm a squirter." His cheeks instantly burn with rising blood. You focus on his reaction above everyone else.

"Jesus, Y/N!" Nancy playfully shoves your shoulder, laughing.

"Well like... I don't know your life, but I feel like it's gotta be the bug thing, right?" Argyle consults the group.

"Yeah, I've never seen you around a butterfly, but I don't think you'd be too scared. I saw what you did to Billy when you heard how he talked to Max." Steve chuckles.

"What'd she do to Hargrove?" Eddie furrows his brow. It's the only time his focus has shifted to anywhere but you since he got here.

"I broke a bottle on his head, big deal. Don't talk to little kids like that," you cross your arms, unintentionally pushing your breasts together, they're oily from tanning products/sun screen. Eddie's eyes nearly bulge out of his skull, he almost has to fight back a groan.

"Okay! Butterflies, final answer!" Robin returns everyone to the point.

"Pour up, fellas. I fucking hate butterflies," you spout proudly.

"So wait, what's the lie?" Jonathan asks.

"I'm not a squirter. I've never had that happen... Yet." You glance at Eddie once again, running your tongue across the bottoms of your teeth. You watch as Eddie's breath gets faster and faster. Something about flustering him is doing more for you than any other man, woman, or person has.

After you're all good and buzzed, you file into the pool. Argyle instantly cannonballs into the deep end, Steve follows suit. You and the rest of the girls linger in the mid-depth water. You lounge against the pool wall, water barely up to your tits. The pool is large, but not gigantic. So Eddie takes his chance to swim back and forth underwater so he can peek at your ass as your tiny bikini rides up your cheeks.

You notice his glances and nonchalantly toss his a pair of goggles. No one notices as you slide your index fingers up the seams of your bottoms, exposing even more flesh for him. He watches you do it, but somehow cannot let himself believe that just happened. He ends up having to "wait" in the pool a little longer than everyone else.

It's one of the best nights of your life. Just your friends and booze and weed. What else is there? Oh yeah, sex. You've been teasing Eddie all night, doing everything in your power to watch him shift and switch around in his seat as he tries to hide what you're doing to him.

Argyle, Nancy, and Jonathan all leave together. Argyle is more of a smoker than a drinker, so he was okay to drive by the end of the night having only taken 3 shots in total, the entire day. You live within walking distance from Steve, luckily. And so does Eddie.

"Bye, you guys!" You slur, hugging Robin tightly, causing her cheeks to blush slightly. You hug Steve too and wave goodbye to Eddie.

"Hey, wait. Let me walk you home. It's a weird town and you're wearing nothing but a bathing suit," Eddie offers, working his hardest to appear some sort of sober. He changed back into his normal clothes before anybody. Most likely to make it easier to hide his erection.

"I don't want you walking alone either, though," you argue, concerned and drunk.

"It's on the way, it's fine," He wraps an arm around your shoulder and leads you out the door, turning back to wink at Steve.

"Called it," Steve and Robin speak at the same time after you and Eddie close the door behind you.

"So, butterflies, huh?" Eddie brings that back up.

"Yeah, dude. Have you ever seen their fucking faces?" You're shocked you even have to explain this.

"Nah, I don't think about butterflies when I think about 'fucking faces.'" Eddie becomes a little more comfortable when he's alone with you. You side-eye him with a smirk as you both walk.

"How often do you think about fucking faces, Eddie?" Your voice lowers, a special subtle emphasis on his name. His legs nearly fail him right then and there.

"I don't know. Seemed to be one of the only things I could think about all night tonight," he slides his hands into his pockets.

"What were the other things?" You tug on your bottom lip with your teeth.

"The way that bikini leaves very little to the imagination." He gently, but quickly takes the string tying your bottoms together and pulls it. You catch the front, but the entire back falls down. He stops in his tracks and takes a few steps back, watching you as you dropped your bag to try and fix your falling suit.

"You son of a bitch, what was that for?" You tie the knot back securely.

"Just making sure my imagination was right," he runs his tongue over his top lip, looking down at you.

"That's not fair, I can't untie anything off you." You cross your arms playfully.

"You can take anything you want off of me, sweetheart. It's only fair." He grins, looking down at your blushing face.

"My house is right here." You point to a shrub blocking a house just on the other side. Eddie glances at it and then goes back to you. His grin has turned a lot more devious. You lead him inside, your parents are out of town for the next two weeks, so you don't worry about getting caught.

You lead him to your room and the second your door closes, you're all over each other. Hands roaming each other's bodies where your eyes had spent all night exploring. He kisses you hungrily, taking your bottom lip in his teeth and gently pulling. You moan into his kiss as his hands brush over your crotch through your bathing suit.

"Fuck, what are you waiting for?" You moan as he rubs sweet circles on your pussy before undoing the string on both sides of your bottoms and tossing them aside. After shoving you on the bed, he plunges his long, ringed middle finger into your drenched pussy, pumping in and out of you lightly. Whining moans fall from your mouth as he curls his finger inside you.

"God damn, you're so wet. You have fun teasing me all night?" Eddie raises an eyebrow. "Almost made me fuck you in front of all your friends."

"Had to get you here somehow," you moan, placing your hand on his as it moves.

"Yeah, and now I'm here. And I'm gonna make you regret inviting me inside." He withdraws his hand from between your thighs, leaving your back arching for contact.

"Eddieee," you whine, bucking your hips against nothing.

"Shhh, I'm gonna make you feel so good, you won't even notice I stole your panties when you changed into your bathing suit at Harrington's."

"You what?" He holds up your purple lace thong, bringing it to his face and inhaling your scent. You're overcome with butterflies as you watch his pants tighten as his fingers wrap around the small bit of cloth.

"I'll just hold on to these a little longer." He winks before shoving them into his back pocket. He positions himself with his head between your thighs. You can feel his hot breath on your throbbing clit. He plants soft kisses on your inner thighs before finally plunging his tongue between your folds.

You reach down and wrap your hands in his frizzy curls, holding his head firmly against you. He chuckles against the sensitive skin as he feels your fingers weave through his hair. He flicks his tongue over your clit quickly, snaking a hand up to finger you while he licks. He adds a second finger, and you throw your head back as the tension builds in your stomach.

"Oh my God, don't stop!" You moan loudly as you reach your climax. Your back arches and your legs shake involuntarily. You're twitching and grasping as he rises and looms over you.

"Don't worry, you're not done." He stares into your eyes as he sucks his fingers clean. He quickly unfastens his belt, lowering his jeans and boxers to the bend of his knee. His throbbing erection springs toward you, desperate to stretch you out. He strokes himself a few times before positioning his head at your entrance.

"Please, please Eddie," you beg, bending any way you can to try to feel his cock inside you.

"No, I love the way you sound when you beg." He lowers his face to your ear, hovering over you on all fours. "Begging to get fucked by a guy you met today."

"Yeah, look how easy you are," you taunt. He chuckles, sliding his dick up and down your slit, gathering your arousal around the head.

"So fucking hot," his voice is no more than a growling whisper. He stays put, teasing your hole for a few moments more. You writhe and twitch beneath him, but he doesn't relent. He drinks in the image of your distress as you plead for him to enter you.

"Eddie, for the love of-" he cuts you off by slamming into you at full capacity. You let out a loud, sensual moan. There's a slight dull pain due to Eddie's size, but it quickly turns to overwhelming pleasure as he fucks into you.

You sink your nails into his shoulders, pulling him impossibly close to you as if being inside you wasn't close enough. His large, strong hands grip your thighs roughly, ensuring you take his full length with every thrust.

"Fuck, how are you so fucking tight?" Eddie moans as he tosses his head back, rutting into you like a sex toy. He fucks you hard like he has no regard for your feelings, but you know he does by the way he rubs sweet circles on your clit while he thrusts. You've never felt this kind of build-up in your abdomen. Even just with his tongue moments ago, that might've been the hardest you've ever came.

You're about to finish again when he quickly pulls out.

"Eddie, no!" You whine, immediately reaching your hand down to finish yourself. He catches your wrists, pinning them above your head as you buck and squirm, your orgasm slowly fleeting.

"Regret it, yet?" He smirks, waiting for your thrashing to end. The moment your legs relax, he plunges directly back into you. Fucking you wildly as if he never stopped. The build-up is somehow more intense this time. Your back arches so far you think it's gonna snap.

"Eddie! I cant- I can't take anymore," you start to shove at him with weak arms, but you keep letting him continue because it feels too good.

"You're gonna take it, sweetheart," he whispers into your ear before slowing down to a near stop. He pumps into you at a snail's pace, watching your eyes roll back as you feel every inch inside you. He gradually regains his speed until he's fucking you at the perfect rate.

Your heart rate quickens by the second, the pit in your stomach and the throbbing in your clit makes you almost delirious. A few more moaning gasps and you scream.

"Eddie, wait-" but it's too late. You squirt against him, flooding his lower half in your ecstasy. Whimpers fall from your lips as he continues to fuck you through your high. The sight of your flood and the knowledge that he just made you experience that for the first time are enough to have his orgasm not far behind.

"Fuck," he growls as he grinds into you, filling you with warmth. His cock twitches inside you, and your overly sensitive cunt feels every tiny movement as he pulls out. He collapses next to you, you're both worn out and breathless, covered in each other's sweat.

"That was amazing..." You're in awe of what your body just did.

"First time's the fucking charm," Eddie brags through heavy breaths.

"I don't think that's the saying." You chuckle.

"Doesn't matter, I just made you squirt all over my cock," he grins ear to ear. "For the first time in your life."

"I dunno, I think you need to do it again so we can be sure." You bite your lip, scanning Eddie's sweaty face.

"Give me 20 minutes, and I'll make you cum until I fucking drown." He jokes, his voice a low rolling tone. Blush forces itself to your cheeks, and he kept his promise. 20 minutes later your legs were over his shoulders and your bed is getting so wet, you know you're going to have to change the entire bed set, but you don't care.

Every time he makes you squirt, Eddie's ego gets a little bigger, causing him to fuck you harder and longer than the session before. You fuck all day and well into the night before the two of you finally crash, covered in sweat and cum, entangled in each other.

#eddie munson imagine #stranger things 4 #stranger things 4 fanfiction #stranger things fanfiction #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson x y/n #eddie x fem!reader #eddie x reader #eddie munson #eddie munson smut #requested #request

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