#pain and suffering but like in a bittersweet way <3
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sometimes, all you need is something simple, like someone to take care of
#hamugis#p3#persona 3#persona 3 portable#p3p#persona 3 reload#kotone shiomi#minako arisato#hamuko arisato#aigis#aigis persona 3#YIPPIEEE ITS STILL MARCH 5TH HERE#I MADE IT OMG I DIDNT THINK I WAS GONNA HAVE TIME TO FINISH IT BUT I DID#my first march 5th since playing p3...#pain and suffering but like in a bittersweet way <3
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edater!virgin!könig is so bittersweet because you both know that what he was talking about that one night won’t ever happen in real life. and you aren’t all innocent either — you were waiting for his notification every minute, giggling in your bed as you nervously reached between your thighs to try and soothe the burning little tingle right there.
that night was filled with risky texts sent to eachother, back and forth as you eventually started playing his little game too. at first he was the only one talking about how he’d have you sitting in his lap, only in your soaked panties like the good girl you are :( but when you replied back with a sassy little ‘and what if i touched you down there too?’ you didn’t only surprise him, you also surprised yourself. and that was exactly how you and your online boyfriend spent hours imagining pleasuring eachother, the only problem being that you both were on different sides of the planet.
but when you finally arrived in vienna and spotted his huge frame waiting for you at the train station, you immediately jumped into his arms — and you had absolutely no idea that he already had the rest of the afternoon planned out!
just a few minutes after you placed your bags next to his bed, he was already pinning you down into the soft mattress, the piece of furniture that was already suffering under only his weight every night creaking like crazy under the both of you.. and he easily had you pinned thanks to his giant body, but he didn’t know what to do :( he was just as inexperienced as you were.
all of the scenarios he had made up in his mind about not letting you slip away from his grip and giving you as much pleasure as you want quickly faded into nothing as just a few minutes later he was a panting, whining mess next to you on the bed. he was begging. you to touch him down there, remember, you promised that night that you would!! :( he couldn’t even hold you down anymore, he was just rolled over onto his back on the bed, hoping that you would just reach down already and unzip his poor pants!
and when you finally gave into the temptation and you let his cock free from the painful grip of his pants and boxer briefs, you just couldn’t help but gasp — you’ve never done anything like this before, how are you going to take this thing? there’s no way that fits in you! and he agrees. he agrees that it wouldn’t fit.
so you gently wrap your shaky fingers around his rock hard length, pre-cum already leaking in puddles and you try to smear it across the swollen, red head of his needy cock, just like you saw in some kind of stupid porno. he was already gripping the wrinkly bedsheets under you two, his knuckles going white just from the tiny, soft touch of your fingertip. he was going crazy and he wanted to just buck his hips up into your palm but he knew he would cum all over your cute hand then!! :(
the handjob you ended up giving him was quite sloppy, your lips trembling as you kept asking him if what you did was right or wrong. at one point, he couldn’t even nod his head anymore (because he never shook it, you never did anything that didn’t feel good) so he just started whispering between gritted teeth, telling you that he doesn’t understand how he managed to get an angel from heaven like you <3
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SO UM I GOT A THEORY ABT LUOCHA (Dk if anyone talked Abt this but tis just for fun 👁️)
When Jing yuan called luocha an abundance abominations I gasped, it was like a grand reveal, but after I calmed down I thought...what if that's his way to insult luocha? Maybe it's just a derogatory term...
And now I have a silly theory ;3
I'm proud to say since I reject to acknowledge the Otto in luocha from day one I've always noticed that aside from the fact he's an Otto expy he looks like yaoshi a lot.
He said he's a "doctor" but we all clearly saw that he has straight up healing abilities. Mind you that his 'healing' is a broad term, he could even fix xueyi who isnt made of flesh, and to that Dan Heng understood right away that that was a blessing of the abundance.
So that made me think about Jing yuan's words...it makes sense for luocha to be blessed by yaoshi but what if he actually is their emanator.
I don't think everyone who is blessed by yaoshi would get called by Jing yuan an abomination even degradingly, and it seems he knows something Abt luocha we don't (nothing unusual Abt Jing yuan lol)
No matter how luocha's attitude is to yaoshi, they are still an aeon who pities and 'loves' creation. They hate pain and hurt and generally answer prayers.
So with that in mind, the fact that luocha is an Otto face but not quite, it could be that he either at some point prayed for yaoshi or that yaoshi took pity on his suffering aka the loss of someone dear to him who might or might not be the coffin person. It also could be that yaoshi just created him as a pure abomination! Maybe specifically to become an emanator.
I mean bro got the abyss flower how do u explain that in HSR? 😭
Also a very sus interaction imo is when putting luocha and blade in a team, he tells blade (I don't remember his exact words but) that he regrettably can't help him with his immortality thingy. And I always bully him (affectionately ofc-) and say nobody asked!
BUT THAT'S THE SUS !
Why would luocha assume, or think he has the powers to reverse or break the blessing/curse of an aeon??
It's the going out of dev's way to have an interaction between luocha and blade when they should've never met even if they know about eachother (elio knowing the real culprit and luocha knowing the stellaron hunters are in the luofu for example)
He's also very fixated on how death can be overcomed, not in an Otto obsessed way, but kinda in a certain sure way, like he knows it can happen. How?? 🤨 I'm sure yaoshi themselves can't 🤨🤨
In conclusion
There isn't much to back this 'theory' so it's just for fun, I also believed his powers come from the coffin mostly. His ult is the coffin... doing stuff and whatever is inside is probably an abundance abomination as well (you could see the thorns in his animated light cone).
Also off topic kinda- but I don't believe it's kallen tbh. They have a somewhat bittersweet antagonist relationship where they use eachother for their end goals and they seem to be wary of eachother. So if a kallen exists Id like to think she's dead, and his journey is to revive her. Which would be another Otto story I refuse to have HOYO ISTG
#Idk why a genius spark in me tried to convince me that he embezzled Jing Liu in his coffin xD#but some ppl think yaoshi is inside so there's that#also aeons decide how much of their powers they wanna share#so u cant tell me he doesn't have enough scorpion tail juice 👺#hsr#star rail#hsr luocha#hsr theory#honkai star rail
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us without me III: ice cream
A story series from the perspective of Mia (fem!Reader/OC) as she goes through her memories and recounts falling in love with her best friend in high school, Minji. She suffers in silence until she breaks and it all comes crashing down.
Part 3 of 7. Check here for more details. Reading previous parts for context is encouraged. CW for language.
There she was again, waiting for you after class, holding her hand out for you to take. Something in the January air has you wrapping your arms around her instead.
And it felt so good. So why did it have to hurt so much?
“Did you miss me or something?” She smiles, slightly surprised.
“You just looked cold waiting for me out here.”
“You should’ve come out faster, then,” she says teasingly.
“Sorry. Just wait for me inside next time.”
“But this is always our meeting spot.” She looks ahead and starts walking. “And if I do get cold I can just ask you for a hug. You’re always really warm. I’ll be fine.”
She looks back at you, her hair waving in the gentle wind as she does so. The conflict you were feeling must have been apparent from your expression because she stops.
“What’s wrong, Mimi?” The sudden burst of concern in her tone and on her face was heartbreaking.
“Hmm? Nothing!” you lie.
“I’m not falling for that. I always know when something’s up. I’m your best friend, remember?”
Of course you remember. It was a fact too beautiful and painful to forget.
“Sorry,” you say as you catch up to her. “I don’t know. I’m just feeling sad for some reason.”
But the reason was staring you straight in the face. Or rather looking at you with soft eyes like you meant the world to her.
“I have days like that, too.” She takes your hand and gingerly pulls you along as she starts walking again. “It might be because the school year’s almost over. It always feels a little melancholic.”
“I guess.”
“You wanna go to the mall after we get home? Let’s get some ice cream. My treat! It might help you feel better,” she offers sweetly.
At the sound of her kind words you let your guard down for the first time in a while and shed a tear in front of her.
“Mia…” She immediately stops and pulls you into her embrace.
How ironic that the girl who was putting you through so much pain was also the only one that could make you feel better.
“Mia, I love you. I’m here. You’re ok,” she says in a whisper, her hands rubbing your back.
Oh, the irony.
“Let’s just sit here for a while,” she gestures to a nearby bench. When you’re both seated she wraps her arm around your shoulder then leans her head against yours. Even through layers of padding you could feel her warmth. Even with your face in your hands you could smell her hair. It was comforting in the most bittersweet way.
“How was Korean today?” she asks, trying to lighten the mood.
“Same as always. I’m getting better, I guess.”
“역시,” she says, lifting her head back up to give you an encouraging smile. “I keep telling you, bro. You’re amazing.”
“No, you’re amazing, Min. Thank you…”
“Want another hug?”
You nod with a smile, knowing that it would still hurt.
“Hey, you do know why I wait for you outside, right?” She leans back against you.
“Cuz you’re insane,” you say, finally laughing a little.
“Don’t you remember? That’s where you were standing on your first day, looking completely lost.”
She wipes the last tears from your cheeks and laughs in return.
“It’s where I first met you.”
-
The chill of the winter air evaporates as you walk through the mall doors. It was full. Families enjoying the nascent hours of the weekend. Lovers making up for lost time. Then there was you. Pining for your best friend.
“You know, there’s something I’ve been wanting to buy for a while. Now that we’re here, we might as well get it.”
“Ice cream?”
“I mean, yeah, but apart from that.”
“What is it, then?”
“Something for us. Since next year is our last year and we’re almost at the end of this one, I wanted to get something special.”
“Ugh, stop being so cryptic, Min.”
“What does that even mean?”
“It means…” You start laughing. “Just tell me what you want to buy!”
“I wanna get rings for us.”
And just like that, you’re not laughing anymore.
“Like, couple rings?”
“Yeah! I think it’ll be cute.”
Not everything that’s cute is good for you.
“You don’t seem too excited.” The way she frowns feels like a ton of bricks weighing down your chest. “I don’t wanna get them if you don’t want them.”
“I do want them, Min!”
That was a lie. You knew it wouldn’t be good for you. It would only make your delusions worse. But you couldn’t stand to see her unhappy. So you lie again.
“I was just worried they’d be too expensive.”
Her smile slowly returns. “Oh, don’t worry! I’ve been saving up for them.”
And your fake smile slowly fades. “Really? Minji… I…”
“Don’t act so surprised, bro. You keep pretending like we’re not best friends.”
God, if she only knew.
“I already looked up the store in advance. Just follow me.”
There was no place you wouldn’t follow her. Even if she was taking you straight to hell.
-
“These are cute! I can take this one and you take that one. Exchange our favorite colors. 어때?”
“I love them, Min.”
I love you.
“Alright, I’ll go pay for them. I’ll be right back!”
I really fucking love you.
You watch her as she practically skips all the way to the cashier. And on her way back you swear she’d never smiled more brightly before.
“I hope you really like it, Mimi,” she says as she hands you the blue ring that matched her white one.
There was no point trying to suppress your feelings now. You let yourself savor the moment as you put it on. In your mind you let yourself call her yours, even if she would never be. The ring was all you needed to play pretend.
“I do. It’s beautiful. Thank you so much, Min,” you say, smiling.
But you couldn’t meet her eyes. Instead you stare into those of the puppy on her top. You saw something of her in them. A puppy too innocent to know what she was doing to the girl she cared about the most. And you saw something of yourself, too. In the way its eyes seemed to be on the verge of tears.
At the ice cream shop she gets her usual chocolate and buys vanilla for you. You didn’t ever have to ask. She always knew what you wanted. Almost always.
“Thanks for helping me feel better today, Min. This really means a lot,” you say, weakly raising your fist to show her the ring around your finger.
Casual as ever, she winks and silently mouths, “사랑해.”
And you really did feel better. Or at least that’s what you wanted to believe. In between bites you catch her slipping her jacket off her shoulder. She knew how much it killed you. How much it made you want her. Or at least that’s what you wanted to believe. You wanted to believe that every single one of her actions was deliberate rather than oblivious. It hurt less to think she was just cruel. It hurt more knowing that wasn’t true.
You look down at your new ring as she finishes her ice cream with a smile.
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Mel x Silco - Divorce AU - A Drabble Thing
Based on this ask by @elviriel <3
Part of an AU meta of the Forward, but Never Forget/XOXO universe.
tw: divorce, stalking, kidnapping
tw: dysfunctional relationship dynamics
Because you made me love you.
Because you left.
And now, you'll pay.
In some ways, it would feel like a bitter inevitability.
Silco already has a great deal of trauma around betrayal/abandonment (and Vander condemning him for his ruthless methods, which in Silco's mind are necessary for Zaun’s survival). Mel leaving him for Jayce after he's crossed a line, would probably be something he'd half-expected in his bleakest subconscious.
He'd also have a lot of complicated emotions about what her loss means for him professionally, given that she's privy to a number of his trade secrets. Mel would by this stage be one of Silco's closest confidants and a level-headed advisor. He'd respect her political savvy, and admire the fact that she's so adept at navigating the minefield of Piltovan politics. She's got a gilded tongue that goes a long way when it comes to cinching sweetheart deals, and she's a brilliant networker whose connections are a huge asset to him.
And obviously there's the fact that, as things stand, she's the de facto mother of his daughter. She's a bittersweet taste of having someone to come home to, and to share his childrearing troubles with. Not to mention Jinx has flourished under her gentle hand, her moods less turbulent and her tantrums more sporadic.
Mel’s exit would devastate the girl, and in the early days, she'd veer between blaming herself and blaming Silco.
On his part, Silco would try to rationalize it by saying Mel is a Topsider. They never can be trusted. The only fault was his for allowing his better judgement to be gulled by trust. There's only him, and Jinx. That's how it was meant to be. (Jinx would find this old reality hard to reconcile herself to, after having her heart set on belonging to a little family. Silco would find her tears a frustrating burden to bear, since they sharpen all the flavors of his own misery.)
Outwardly, he'd keep the pain close to his chest. No one must know. It's a weakness, and he's still a man who has to walk the tightrope between ruthless survivalism and the enduring legacy of his nation. His pride wouldn't allow him to beg, or even ask, Mel to reconsider. After all, Zaun is the one and only thing he's ever fought for. The one and only thing he's ever truly had, that was his by right. And now it is, because he's bled for it, and suffered, and killed for it.
Mel, with all her privilege, could never understand the cost.
In daytime, Silco's inner voice would say:
"I'm free now. We were never meant to last."
But in the dead of night, when Silco's dreams are dark and his loneliness is a bottomless pit, his subconscious will say:
"You never deserved her, not for a moment. You were a fool to let yourself care, to think you could be loved."
If she'd stayed, Mel would have eventually come to see this darkest part of him, and would have known there was no saving him. But as it is, his cold survivor's streak is the only thing he has left to offer. So Silco, being the pragmatist he is, would use it as bait. He'd know Mel feels a measure of guilt for turning her back on Jinx. He'd dangle the chance at closure before her, knowing her conscience couldn't refuse it.
No reconciliation. Just a meeting, in a neutral place. A chance to talk.
He'd wear a face of stone, and pretend that he's moved on. (In truth, his feelings have hardened into resentment and an embittered, possessive longing. But she can't know that. Never again. She can't have any more of his weaknesses. She's already taken what's left of his heart and drowned it in the river.)
Mel would do the talking, at first. Then she'd get Silco to speak. Silco would keep his replies curt, but he'd eventually open up, just a sliver. Not enough to let her in. Just enough to tell her that his work isn't done, that Zaun still needs its accord with Piltover, and that he needs her political expertise to continue it. He'd offer a tentative olive branch: they can still be allies, and she'll stay in touch with Jinx.
Mel would see though his charade to the rage simmering below the surface.
And beneath that rage: anguish.
However, she would also realize that his feelings for her are no longer an obstacle, because Silco will not allow himself to be vulnerable again in her presence.
He has revenge on the menu, and it's the only dish that can sate him.
So, Mel would take a deep breath and refuse. She would tell him that as much as she adores Jinx, she will not have the girl used as leverage. That she has her limits, and she cannot and will not be his enabler. She would tell him that he must seek redemption for himself, and for Jinx, because neither of them will heal until he does. She'd say she'll do everything in her power to protect the peace accord, but Silco will have to find his own path, or risk destroying his own city, and losing the only family he has left.
Silco would listen, and stay be silent, and then he would bid her farewell.
Mel would return home, and would try to put this whole sorry chapter behind her. Meanwhile, Silco would have other plans.
His rage would have time to crystallize, and to be forged into a scheme. He would see a way to kill two birds with one stone. To avenge the humiliation of Mel leaving, and the shame of having his heart broken by a Topsider. (Because it's easier than acknowledging the real reason: that he'd allowed himself to be vulnerable, and had paid the price. Because, in truth, his anger is an attempt to smother his sorrow.)
He'd send word to his network, and set the wheels in motion.
He'd make a public show of reaching out, offering a hand of friendship despite his and Mel's (much publicized) divorce. It would be a ruse, but the best lies have a grain of truth, and Silco would not want to arouse any suspicions.
Jayce would be skeptical, and Mel would be wary. But the Council would have no qualms about playing nice with one of their most powerful trading partners. After all, the accord is good for business, and Silco would present himself as a man with his heart set on the greater good, and no hard feelings over the personal strife.
Politics is the art of compromise, after all, and he'd always known his and Mel’s was a marriage embedded in it. He'd play the role of the gracious gentleman to perfection, and his act would convince the Council that there's no need to worry.
(The only one who'd know the truth is Sevika, and she'd keep her reservations to herself. Silco would trust her to do what needs to be done. After all, she'd have a vested interest in seeing Zaun succeed.)
After a few months, when Mel had let her guard down a degree, Silco would propose a solo meeting to renegotiate the terms of the trade agreement. She would accept, because the Council would insist. They'd have no reason to suspect that the meeting is anything but routine, and they'd assume Silco would have no ulterior motives, given that he's been acting so cooperative.
But Silco would have every motive.
His vengeance would have come full circle.
When the day arrived, Mel would be sitting at the conference table, and would notice the look in his eyes. She'd realize that something's wrong. She'd sense the danger in the air.
And she'd understand she'd been played.
The exits would be sealed. Her guards would be gunned down. Her fate would be sealed.
Later, cuffed and dragged into Silco’s limousine, she'd look him in the eye, and her gaze would ask: Why?
And his answer would be:
Because you made me love you.
Because you left.
And now, you'll pay.
Before long, news would spread that Councilor Medarda has been abducted. There would be no details on whether her captors are an independent terrorist cell, or if the Eye of Zaun himself might be responsible.
Jayce would be stricken, and would lead the charge to get her back. He would not know if she's dead or alive, and his mind would torture him with the thought of finding her mutilated body, or not finding her at all. He'd be wracked with guilt for ever believing Silco, and for failing to protect the woman he loves.
Then he'd get a visit from an unlikely ally.
Sevika.
She'd say: "This has gone too far."
For months, she's watched Silco become obsessed with this mad quest for revenge, and she's realized she can't stand by and watch him destroy himself and their city. So, she's decided to take matters into her own hands, and has come to enlist Jayce's help. She would tell him that, no matter what happens between him and Medarda, she can't let her boss go down for this.
Not when the Council would crucify him, and tear up the trade agreement, and destroy Zaun.
Sevika would tell him that if they play this carefully, there's a chance they can salvage the crisis, and that Mel might come out unscathed. Jayce, fearing a trap but desperate for any lead, would have no choice but to agree. So, Sevika would lead him into the Undercity, and to one of Silco's subterranean strongholds. Jayce would be led through a labyrinth of corridors and past rows of cells, until they reached the grand chamber, the one where the Eye has been keeping his quarry.
The doors would open.
Mel would be there, chained up, but alive.
Silco would have kept her alive, because he'd still be unable to let her go. Because despite everything, he'd still been unable to let go of the love he once had for her.
She would have been imprisoned in an elegant gilded cage, but a cage nonetheless.
Her captivity would have lasted days, and she'd have lost weight and become pale and frail.
Jayce would rush to her side, and would hold her, and Mel would break down and cry, because her ordeal has taken a toll. She'd cling to Jayce and bury her face against his chest, and Jayce would whisper that he's got her, and that she's safe now, and he won't ever let her go again.
But in truth, no one would be safe, because Silco would have been watching their reunion.
He'd have been hidden in the shadows, and would have listened to their exchange, and would have been unable to keep the bitterness from welling up inside. He'd feel like his heart has been torn out again, and the rage would return, and would drive him to his feet.
Jayce would look up, and would see him emerge from the shadows.
He'd stare Silco down, and he'd demand: "How could you?"
And Silco would tell him:
"You should never have taken her."
Jayce would ask if he'd hurt her, and promise to make him pay tenfold if it was so.
And Silco would say:
"No, I couldn't. As much as I tried, I couldn't."
Because a part of him had never been able to hate her, no matter how hard he tried.
And Mel would ask Jayce to let her talk to Silco alone. Jayce would object. But Sevika would back her up, knowing her presence is enough of a deterrent to ensure nothing untoward happens. And the look in Mel's eyes would tell Jayce to trust her, because this is the only way she'll have a chance of reaching Silco.
So, he'd reluctantly wait outside the chamber, pacing with a mixture of anxiety and anger.
Meanwhile, Mel would say:
"I knew I had a death-wish, marrying you."
Silco would sneer:
"You should have left while you still could."
"That's the problem. I couldn't. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't."
Silco would give her a look.
"I loved you," she'd say. "Not the man you wanted me to love. The one I saw underneath the surface, and who I hoped would let me in."
"I did let you in," Silco would say, "and look where it got me."
"Where it got you, is the fact that you couldn't kill me. That you couldn't bring yourself to. Even now."
Silco would give a dark, bitter chuckle, and say:
"Believe me, it would be a mercy if I did."
"A mercy?"
"Better than living with the memory of you."
Mel would look him in the eye and say:
"What about Jinx?"
The name would make him flinch.
"I could have her choose between us," Mel would say, "but I won't. Because it would break her. So, you must choose. You must choose to let me go, and to move on, for your daughter's sake. Because I won't be back. Not if it will cost me my life, or my sanity, or peace between our nations."
Silco would look away, because her words would strike deep. He'd know he's trapped, that he'd made a grave mistake, and he'd have to pay the price.
"You're a smart man, sir," Sevika would intercede. "You're a survivor, and a pragmatist. What would the pragmatic thing be in this situation?"
Silco would swallow hard, and say:
"It would be to let her go."
"Then let her go."
So, Silco would walk over to Mel, and would take her by the wrist, and would unlock her shackles.
Then he'd say:
"If we cross paths again, I won't hesitate."
Mel would nod, knowing he spoke the truth.
"I can't say the same," she'd say. "But I hope you can find peace, Silco."
And she'd leave him, her parting words cutting deeper than any blade.
As for the consequences of his actions—Silco would be brought before the Council, and would have to face the music. There would be calls for his imprisonment, and for the severance of all ties with Zaun.
Jayce, of all people, would speak in his defense, saying that Mel had never been harmed, and that Silco's obsession had been the work of a grieving and broken man. He'd say that, as a fellow human being, and a man who knows what it is to love, he cannot condemn him.
Silco would be let off on grounds of no concrete evidence. He'd resign as Zaun's Chancellor, and would pass the mantle onto Sevika. This would be her chance to prove her mettle, and she'd make the most of it. The new trade agreement would be forged, and Zaun would continue to prosper and grow.
Meanwhile, Jinx would slowly heal, and she'd have her father's undivided attention. Silco would devote himself entirely to her, and would do his best to make up for his failings as a parent. Jinx would forgive him for splitting from Mel, eventually.
They'd carry on, and Zaun would endure.
In time, Mel and Jayce would marry, and start a family. It would be the happiest time of Jayce's life.
The years would go by, and the wounds would scab over, though the scars would remain. Silco would never quite move on. Neither would Mel.
But they'd both live. And they'd remember.
Once a month, Mel would make the trip down to Zaun, and would visit Jinx. She'd take the girl on a stroll around the city, and they'd share a triple-scoop sundae and talk about Jinx's latest projects and her future plans. Mel would offer to finance her endeavors, and Jinx would be hesitant at first, but would eventually accept. She’d go on to become one of the premier trailblazers of Hex-tech in both Piltover and Zaun.
Silco would never be far.
Sometimes, they'd catch sight of him, keeping an eye on them from a distance. His expression would be hard to read. But there would be no trace of the man who once sought to end Mel's life. He'd merely be a spectator, observing the passage of time.
At other times, Mel's eyes would meet his, and he'd offer the ghost of a smile.
One night, he'd send a message, proposing a drink at bar—one of their old favorites. That is, if Mel felt safe enough to chance it.
And Mel would go, and share a bottle with him.
They'd talk about the old days, and laugh, and toast each other.
It would not be a night of reconciliation. It would simply be a night: two people, talking and reminiscing.
Theirs would be a long, slow dance, and a bittersweet, tangled denouement. But it would be theirs.
And that's all there is to it.
#arcane silco#silco#arcane league of legends#arcane#forward but never forget/xoxo#forward (never forget)/xoxo#arcane jinx#jinx#arcane jayce#jayce talis#arcane mel#mel medarda#melco#silco x mel#mel x jayce#meljay
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One day at a time
Chapter 3: November 26th 1981
Remus Lupin x fem! marauder! reader (eventually)
Summary: Full moons aren’t so bad when you have your best friend
Warnings: swearing, mentions of sex, nudity, past relationships (Sirius x reader, slight wolfstar), pain, everything to do with lycanthropy and it’s associated pain, canon character deaths, angst, slight trauma, grief, bittersweet fluff, slow burn friends to lovers
A/n: 6.6k words, sorry for the delays, had deadlines then got a little unwell xx please enjoy!
Navigation | Remus Lupin Masterlist | Chapter 2
You flicked through the channels, and by channels, there were only two with reasonable signal. You could’ve gotten up, fix the little antenna by moving it around and up and down in a little dance before untimely placing back in the original spot where it miraculously work but that was effort, and effort was something you had in little spades now. Most of your days were spent trying to get to the end, them which was by all definitions a rather miserable existence but given your situation, things could be a lot worse than miserable.
Suddenly you heard a bang behind you, causing a small gasp to escape your lips as the control jolted out of your hand and into the floor where the batteries tumbe out on impact due the tape used to keep them in having finally gave way. You then turned warily towards the sound and are greeted by the sight of Remus, still in his pyjamas, hair ruffled and wild, looking like a grumpy old man as he shuffled around the kitchen
Your eyebrows furrow but decide against scolding him for not resting, despite wincing in time with him as he is clearly in pain, bones already aching dreadfully from the full moon. He didn’t spare you a glance, he would have heard your gasp and dispel of batteries that had rolled from the carpet onto the hardwood floor but he was most likely too caught up in whatever it was he was doing to acknowledge you.
Whatever it was, involved staring precariously into the cupboards before slamming it shut and proceeding to walk around the kitchen repeating that whilst making as much noise as possible. You don’t flinch at the sounds though, nor are surprised by his abuse of the kitchen cabinets. The dorm room wardrobes, great hall plates and class quills all suffered the same back at Hogwarts
Each moon effected Remus differently you see. You weren’t entirely certain just how many kinds there were, but you were sure you had witnessed the fair majority of them. There was the moon where he suffered from severe fatigue and never left his bed until the transformation. The one where he was depressed, self-deprecate and would eat all the chocolate he could get his hands on. The one the boys never talked about but would often make you leave during, though you were sure had something to so with the pillow on his lap.
And finally, there was this one which was often dubbed as the crabbit old man moon
This one caused him to whinge about everything and be incredibly irritable and snappy to anyone that got in his way…in fact with the rate he was going you were considering hiding the vase beside you in case it got a sore head
Flipping off the blanket, your shiver a little at the cold air hitting your legs before shifting onto your knees to lean down and grab the control, then lean even further for the batteries. Sure you were too lazy to get up, and sure, this could be considered more effort but shush
“Where the fuck are all the pots!” Remus exclaims, shocking and causing you to, in a rather gracefully mannor, slide off of the couch and onto the floor with minimal damage
His question, you find as you lay there, feet still on the couch, is rhetorical. Hearing him groan as he kneels down to the bottom cupboards, and begin muttering about who’s grand idea it was to put them all the way down here in the very back. Meanwhile you pop your lips as you lay there, looking like some penguin that had fallen over and couldn’t be arsed getting back up. Eventually you do lug yourself up, feet falling off the couch as you sit up on your knees. Grabbing the batteries you rub your slightly carpet burned cheek with a pout, before finally making your way back up to the couch and slipping the batteries into the remote once more
“Did you get it?” you ask after catching your breath, nose scrunching pre-emptively as you know it’s a mistake to ask but still can’t stop yourself from doing so after one too many seconds of silence on his part
His head snaps towards you, eyes filled with such fury over a pot you could have laughed if you weren’t sure he may throw the packet of spaghetti he now had in his other hand at you…or even the pot itself
“Get it?” he holds it up and shakes it in your direction “Yeah I finally fucking got it” he grumbles, wincing as he stands back up and half throws it and the packet onto the counter “What? You put it way in the back just to annoy me?” he scolds but as soon as the anger comes out it fades and his face soon softens
You give him a small smile, letting him know it’s okay, it’s just his hormones going a little crazy with imminent transition. His face still fills with regret though, and he lets out a shaky breath as he says the most genuine and heart breaking ‘sorry’ before turning back to and heading over to the stove with the pot and packet
Biting your lip, you resist the urge to tell him it’s okay, you don’t have to be sorry, because it wouldn’t help, only make him feel worse. You quietly turn back to the tv, immersing yourself in that instead ,and finding the sight of some women being angry her ‘family heirloom’ was junk more than amusing, then giggling as quietly as you could as it
Your giggles aren’t quite as quiet to Remus though, and he turns back to see the little smile on your face. His shoulders relax at the sight, glad to know his outburst didn’t hurt you. Not that they ever did. He’d said and done worse in his school days when puberty plus lycanthropy was both a rage filled and embarrassing combo. Sighing, he places the pot on the stove but delays in lighting it and turns back to you for a moment.
He was nervous, not for the moon, he was used to that by now but for you. The forthcoming moon wasn’t ever explicitly talked about, nor was your part in it. The only thing you had insisted upon was for the days leading up and after he take the bed and you the pull out, which after much grumbling he eventually agreed to. Deep down though he knew there was no way on this green earth that you were staying behind, not on your watch anyway. Maybe that’s why he spent the day in bed to avoid the conversation, the argument, and maybe that’s why he abused half the kitchen and snapped at you as his way of trying to protect you, deter you from wanting to help him in order to keep you safe
Remus takes one last look at you before turning to the window, eyeing the woods he would be entering in a few hours, already praying it would be a smooth transition, he didn’t need any more pain, nor did he deserve any more than the fates had already dealt him this month
Taking a breath, he begins to fiddle with the packet to the spaghetti “For fucks sake” he mutters to himself as the blasted thing won’t open “Come on” he begs until eventually it comes way and practically explodes everywhere “Shit!”
You jump at that, or more the pieces of spaghetti that somehow fly far enough to reach the couch “Is everything alright?” you wonder in a small state of shock before trying to mask your amusement as you see the kitchen and realise what happen
“Fecking grand” he chucks the packet which held one depressing single piece of pasta on the counter and throws his hands in the air before they settle on his hips, eyes surveying the damage
You get up then, sliding the pair of slippers that Remus had originally bought for his late mother on before you do “Moony” you call, cringing at the crunching pasta as you make your way over to him “Why are you making food it’s late?” you question softly, trying not to upset him, but you were sure you had already bought him dinner around an hour prior
“What? A man can’t eat before every bone in his body break?” he says so off handily, almost casually, that you can’t help the giggle that escapes your lips “My pain funny huh?” he bites, irritation flooding his features
Your face drops at the scold but you soon wear a sympathetic smile “You know that’s not true” your hand reaches out to gently rub his forearm
He relaxes at your touch, face morphing to regretful as he sighs “I’m being an arsehole, aren’t I?” he asks, pressing his lips together
You bob your head “Yeah” you let out a little laugh to ease his tension “But you’re allowed to be” your hands move to take his hands and lead him away from the spaghetti blast zone “I’ll clean in up later” you assure him as you clock his sadness over the fallen pasta
Eventually you get him to the couch, hands leaving his after you sit him down before you flick away some of the spaghetti and sit yourself down beside him. Nothing is said for a moment, so when your hand finds his lower thigh you just gently rub your thumb back and forth, massaging the sore muscle softly and his eyes flutter at it
“I’m…” you start so quietly Remus can’t make the syllable out “Can I come with you?” you ask and are not surprised at his own shock
Remus remains quiet, processing and slightly cursing you for asking him instead of telling him, making it much harder for him to say no. Yet his heart knows if he really did tell you no, you would stay here, maybe you wouldn’t be happy about it but you would never force him, never.
“Bugs” his hand cups yours, saying your name but with no idea how he was going to continue on
Soon he would need to leave, head deep into the woods, far enough that he couldn’t catch whiff of you back here. It was a risk if you stayed or gone with, but more so if you went though. Yet, in lack of his ‘better’ judgement, he wished for you there, merlin he longed for it, as he did with his two…three other friends. In fact, during one of his and yours many breakdowns over the last couple of weeks he had confessed how lonely the transitions had been without everyone, how he was sure they were hurting more without your presence
He had one issue now, even if he did allow it, he had no idea how long it had been since you last shifted. Merlin, in general you had always been a bit of a wild card with it, once you attended classes as James’ pet rabbit for a week when you couldn’t shift back, which was rather rough for said dear when he had to inform the younger kinds that fell in love with your fluffy self that you had mysteriously went missing, because let’s face it, there was no way he was telling a bunch of kids you died…especially after Peters fake funeral
“Joey” he says rather randomly after a few minutes of silence and then cringes, cheek tinting
“Joey?” you giggle at the absurdity before your mouth drops and your eyes widen “I’m not gonna pull another Joey, Moony!” you exclaim, shrugging off his hand and crossing your arms, pouting, you get stuck as a rabbit four times and suddenly no one trusts you to shift on queue anymore
He smiles a little at your attempt to be mad, not to mention the stunned look when you first realised “I’m…” he takes a breath “I’m not afraid of you pulling a Joey, that would be fine. You could just hop around the garden and all I’d have to worry about was you eating everything. Especially the bushes, the bushes took 3 years to grow it be a real shame…” his eyes look off towards the kitchen window
“Moony focus” you draw his attention back, a supressed giggle escaping your lips as you still can’t quite get over how much of a green finger your friend has become
“Oh right” he chuckles nodding, cheeks becoming ever redder “What I’m saying is I don’t want you to pull an…anti Joey” his expression saddens and your amused one does the same
“Anti-Joey?” you repeat, earning a slow nod and quick quirk up of his cheeks in a downturned smile “Moony that wouldn’t happen” your hands reach back out, giving his arm a squeeze
As you do it turns around and his other moves up to grasp your wrists, before the grip softens and his larger hands slide up to cup yours “I’m not willing to risk it” he caresses the skin “Risk you”
You shift closer, turning your hands around to lace your fingers “And I don’t want you to be on your own ever again” you tell him, tone equal in firmness and sincerity “I can’t sit here all night knowing you’re out there in pain…and…as selfish as this is I…I don’t think I can be alone either. I’m not ready to be left with just my own thoughts”
Your confessions leave his heart floored, and he leans in to rest his forehead on yours, debating what to do but ultimately allows his heart to be victor just this once…not without some ground rules though
“One condition” he whispers
“Name it” you whisper back, conviction evident as you both know after so many years of friendship and love you both would do anything if it helped the other asked
He pulls back to look at you properly “Prove to me you can still shift without problems and with no wand” he asks simply, with a small yet warm smile
You just nod, detaching yourself and shuffling back a little on the couch, bringing your legs up to sit on your knees. Taking a deep breath you close your eyes, focusing on turning and after a second or two you feel yourself shrinking
“Godric, I forgot how adorable you are like that”
With that your eyes flutter open, staring up at him with those cute and now gigantic eyes, and a laugh escapes him as he watches you huff at his comment
He shakes his head “Not that you aren’t adorable in general” he bows down on the couch, like a little magnet is pulling him towards you
As he reaches out, you’re already hopping over and climbing onto his lap, nestling yourself in between his legs with your arse by wiggling it about. Once your settled, he begins to scratch just behind your left ear, causing your back leg kick in-voluntarily and he chuckles, moving into a crossed leg position so you can curl up properly
Out of everyone’s forms, he had to admit yours was his favourite. Not only were you fluffy and cute but for some reason it always made moony calmer. Your presence in general always helped but bunny you on the day of the full moon was like a kind of medicine made especially for him, and he would always be forever grateful for it
“Bugs” he says noticing your body going limp to which you stare up at him with sad eyes that soon begin to flutter again
The thought of actually leaving you in a little blanket fort to sleep the entire night away did cross his mind, but come morning you would kill him…and definitely eat his entire garden out of spite, starting with the bushes. Though as he glances over at the time, he realises you both have around 2 hours before you absolutely have to leave so he lifts you gently into his arms and stands up, gaining your attention as you stare up at him looking confused
“I’ll let an egg timer so we can nap and not worry. We’ll need out energy for later” he tells you, to which you nod and are already half asleep by the time he gets to the bedroom, placing you down on the bed while he goes and gets the timer
Coming back into the room, he turns the chicken shaped timer and sets it on the bedside table before climbing in. The lights were already off and with winter closing in the nights grew dark fast, making falling asleep that bit easier, even quicker as he feels you hop over to his side, curling up in the space between his chest and arm, letting out a little noise of what can only be happiness as his hand gently cups your body
He then closes his eyes and the black nothingness soon drifts into a distant memory…
“Remus?”
He turns to look at the door from his position on the bed, smiling as he watches his friend waltz in
“You seen y/n about? I’ve been looking for her all afternoon” he asks, plopping himself down on the bed, making it bounce a little as he does “Actually on the subject, you seen James or Pete either?” he wonders
Remus doesn’t answer the question, just shushes him softly and curls his hand “Come look at this” he says, rolling off the bed quietly
The raven-haired boy looks confused but complies “What?” he whispers, voice low as he follows Remus across the room, towards the window that lied in the space between James and Peters beds
“James is off getting…sorry” he shakes his head correcting himself “…nicking Marlene’s camera”
The boy sniggers at that but it soon fades out as he spots the sight of you and Peter snuggled up as a bunny and rat on the floor, settled on top of a small pillow and blanket fort
“Aww” he coos “That’s our pretty girl…and Pete” he says proudly though second part has a slight head bob to it causing Remus to chuckle
Remus shifts onto the floor, leaning his back against Peters bed while he does the same on James’ “Where have you been?” he inquires softly, not wishing for you to wake up before a good photo can be taken
“Hogsmeade” he replies but his eyes are fixed on you and the way your nose twitches in your sleep
“On your own?” Remus wonders, head tilting
“Couldn’t find anyone to come with me so I went myself. Got you some chocolate though” he reaches into his jacket pocket, pulling out Remus’ favourite wizarding brand
“You shouldn’t have” he nags like he always does whenever anything nice is done for him, to which the chocolate is promptly shoved into his chest
“Shut and take it, you silly wolf” he holds it to his chest, eyeing him until he gives in and accepts it “Got our girl some stuff too but I already gave it to Red since I assumed she was off with James or something” his eyes flick back to Remus briefly then back to you, smiling at your sleeping figure “She’s gorgeous like that isn’t she?”
Remus’ eyes never leave his friends face though “Beautiful” he notes with a sad undertone before averting his eyes
“We should have names”
Remus’ eyes snap back “Last time I checked we both had three” he jests with a chuckle
“Cheeky” the boy eyes him with a smirk, causing Remus’ confidence to die a little under it “I meant like nicknames because our animagus forms are too on the nose to just say like there’s only so many times I can say James is my dear friend” he says with a small laugh
“Come up with any good ones?” he asks interested
“Prongs…” he makes little antlers with his hands and Remus smiles, the full genuine smile mirrored by the raven-haired boy as well “…Wormtail…” he then gently flicks Peters tail “…and Padfoot” he waves his foot in Remus’ face
“Cute” Remus chuckles, pushing his friend’s foot away “What about me and y/n?” he tilts his head
“For you moony and…” he starts but earns a scoff
“What were you saying earlier about being too on the nose?” Remus gives him a look, grinning at how he made his cheeks tint just this once, and surprisingly the nickname doesn’t upset him just somehow resonates with a nice warmth of familiarity
“Fuck off I think it’s cute” he defends and now Remus’ cheeks are tinting “And technically it wasn’t my one”
“James?” Remus chuckles
“No actually…” he starts but then your ears twitch “Oh hello” your eyes open at the voice, peering curiously up at the two boys
“What was y/ns?” Remus wonders as his fingers gently ghost over your fur
“I was torn on hers” he says before both boys then take a moment to admire the way you make no move to leave your very comfy position whilst tilting your, actually they are sure you’ve you snuggled deeper in, big eyes peeking out as your nose nuzzles into the blanket “Cheeks?” he suggests but Remus shakes his head
“She does have cute cheeks…” he notes earning a chuckle “…real mature mate” he shoves his friend, earning a little noise of what he is sure is approval from you
“Okay, okay…” he puts his hands up “Fluffy?”
All of you cringe at that one “Something about that name seems off…” Remus states, looking in thought for a second as to why
As do you and him “Yeah” he nods “Weird. What about Thumper?”
You huff at that one and let out a displeased squeak “She doesn’t like that” Remus lets out a snigger at the now rather annoyed looking bunny
“She does not” he chuckles nervously “Sorry darlin” he apologises and you roll your eyes “Hopper?” they both side eye you but you seem pretty indifferent to it
“Doesn’t suit her” Remus shakes his head again, starting to think about a name himself, the others were based off of characteristics but his mind drifted to the day after your transformation when you walked into the common room eating a raw carrot “What about…bugs?” he suggests and your ears perk up “You like that one?” he asks and the boys chuckle at your nodding
“Then it’s settled. Bugs, Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs” the raven-haired boy declares
“Sleepy bugs?” Remus smiles warmly down at you as your head falls back onto the pillow, his hand moving to gently scratch your ear and while your leg lazily kicks at it it’s thankfully not enough to wake Peter
“Alright Bugs” he winks, to which your nose buries deeper into the blanket and they snigger at the bashful bunny before them
After a few minutes of scratches, they watch as you slowly drift off so Remus beginning to gently brush the backs of his hands over your fur instead, lulling you back to sleep
“James should be back soon…” Remus turns to him with a smile “That is if Marlene hasn’t caught him” he chuckles, expecting him to chuckle with him but when he doesn’t, he looks back towards him “What?” his eyebrows knit
“Remus” he says, tone dripping in sympathy and suddenly panic shoot through Remus “James isn’t coming back”
The words stab him directly in the heart, knowing deep down they are true but still he refuses “He was just here” Remus tries to convince him, shaking his head quickly as he doesn’t want to go back to reality, he wants to stay in this memory forever
“Was he ever here?” he asks
Remus wants to say yes, that will James to come into the room any second being dragged in by Marlene whose pinching his ear and was 15 again. That the six years he lived was just some fever dream, that none of his friends were dead or evil or empty inside, that there was no war, no dark lord, no orphaned boys left behind, but as he goes to check Peter is still there, he finds him gone, yet the imprint of his body remains beside you
“No” he breathes out, gathering your body softly into his arms and cradling it close, nose nudging into your fur “This one felt the realest” he whispers into you
“Our times almost up” Remus looks up at him then in the direction he nods “You can already hear it getting ready to ring” he says as Remus sees the little timer appear on the bedside table, and suddenly the ticking of the inner clock fills the room
“I don’t want to hurt again”
“I know” he moves onto his knees, hand finding Remus’ knee while the other ghosts over you “But she’ll be there this time, and every time after that” he assures
“I don’t want her to hurt either…for me to hurt her” his eyes begin to water
“You won’t…”
“How do you…”
“Remus” his hand moves from his’ knee to his’ heart “Trust me. And trust yourself”
His last words echo and all Remus can do is nod as the world fades around him until it all goes white and then to black. The feel of the mattress below him returning, the covers draped around him, how one foot is colder than the other due to it poking out of the blanket, and finally, your body beside him. You’re no longer a bunny, yet your still curled in a little ball, back to him while one of his arms is wrapped around your waist, hand flat on your stomach, thumb sub-consciously moving back and forth
His eyes flutter open and the first thing he sees is your hair, his nose twitches at it being so close but he doesn’t mind it. Turning his head, he looks over at the timer, two minutes. He hugs you a little closer, nose dipping into your hair now before slipping his arm out and rolling over to sit on the edge of the bed. He groans a little, arm coming up to rub his other as he can feel aches slowly getting worse
He was about to turn off the timer and wake you when he hears a whine, followed by a series of whimpers that have him quickly turning around and crawling over the bed to check on you. You were shaking, a series of he thinks are ‘nos’ and ‘pleases’ coming from your lips before eventually you jolt awake, almost hitting him in the process and his hands find your wrists to stop you
“No please!” you cower away and he instantly drops them
“Bugs it’s me” he says quickly, gently cupping your cheeks, thumbs smoothing over them as his heart plumets beyond control, the sight of you wincing in his light grip kills him more than anything “Bugs it’s Moony” he says and that’s finally makes you open your eyes and really look at him, face softening before you launch into him
He lets out a yip at it but he honestly didn’t care for the pain, he was about to wrap his own arms around you when you detach yourself, looking upset “I’m sorry” you say thinking you really hurt him “I’m so sorry moony” you apologise, going to touch him but then recoiling so he gently takes your hands and brings them to his chest
“It’s okay” he assures you, bringing them to his lips to kiss “It didn’t hurt”
“You sure?” you ask and hopes he lies to you just this once
“I’m sure” he does, like he knows because he does, he knows you better than anyone just like you with him “Are you okay though?” he wonders, you scared him half to death but as he watches your expression, he quickly knows what the dream was or at least who it was, which explains your fear
“Nightmare” is all you can bring yourself to say but even if you had more it’s would be cut off as you let out a tiny shriek at the egg timer which abruptly goes off “Mother of Merlin!” you clutch your chest
He chuckles a little, leaning backwards to twist it off before returning to you “You sure you’re okay?” he checks, he wasn’t unfamiliar with bad dreams himself, though his were more of the delusional nature, he assumed yours must be much worse than his, this wasn’t the first time he had seen you wake up in a panic, in fact, you hardly ever woke up peacefully
“No” you let out a laugh, answering honestly and he can’t help but copy “But I’m fine enough to go”
“Course you are” he raises his eyebrows, earning the gentlest of taps from you as not to hurt him “Speaking of we need to get ready to go”
After packing up some bags and Remus explaining where you should and should lead him, you both headed out. It dark but not so bad you couldn’t see anything, though maybe that was due to your animal sides granting better vision. The grass crunched beneath your feet with the light layer of frost, and as you entered the forest, twigs broke and the occasional owl hooted. You had to admit, despite the pain your friend was about to endure it was a beautiful night, not quite overcast but it was calm, quiet, peaceful, nice a night as any to spend outside
“Is there a cinema near here?” you break the silence, walking just behind Remus as he leads the way
“There’s one in the next town, bus ride away” he informs you “Why?” he slows a little, letting you catch up and join his side
“There’s this action movie I saw the trailer of earlier today…” you tell him, stopping for a second as you step over a fallen tree “Maybe one day we could go see it at some point? It looks good” you tell him and he smiles to himself, just like you to try and keep his mind off things
“What’s it about?” he entertains you
“This guy, Jones…I think his name was, he’s an archaeologist” you explain, though if you were being honest all you were thinking while watching it was you recognised him but didn’t know where
“And it’s an action movie?” he looks at you sceptically
“Yeah. Duh!” you exclaim like it was obvious, jogging a little in front before turning and walking backwards “There are other people after the treasure!” you throw your arms in the air as you continue on “It like a race to it and…”
Remus chuckles fondly at your ramble, you really were helping him forget the pain with how invested you are, so much so he makes note of it in the back of his mind
“You know for someone that reads for a living and was our resident know it all you’d think you’d know treasure hunting was a cut throat business” you tell him, stopping and facing him with a false look of disappointment
“Ha ha” he rolls his eyes gently nudging you with his shoulder as he passes “Who’s in it? Anyone I’d recognise?” he asks smiling as you have to jog a little in order to keep up and re-join his side but then have to stop again so you can think
“Fuck I can’t remember his name” you bounce on the balls of your feet while Remus stops and watches you, holding his laugh “He was…umm...oh!” you point at him “He was the guy from the space one. Han…Han Solo! He was Han Solo” you tell him though you more announce it to the whole forest as you point in the air and spin around, looking so proud of yourself that you finally figured it out
He chuckles at your mini celebration “Han Solo, huh?” his grin morphs into a smirk “Interesting”
“Very” you nod “Especially when he’s almost exclusively in an open white shirt…” Remus’ eyebrow raises “…a little cowboy hat and a oh!” you tap his arm “And he has a whip” you wiggle your eyebrows at him
His face goes through a few emotions ending with visibly tinting cheeks “Okay we can go see it…” he begins walking but stops and points “But it’s not because you mentioned the whip”
“Sure it isn’t Mr Moony” you tease knowingly
He huffs, starting to walk again but a little faster so he can enjoy you trying to keep up with him while giggling away “You know…” he can’t drop the subject just yet but knows he’ll live to regret not doing so “You walked in at the wrong time” he needlessly defends himself
Your eyebrows furrow before you start sniggering at the memory as you can’t believe after five years he was still embarrassed “I’m not saying anything” you hold up your hands when you finally catch up with him “Even if I was. It’s not that weird” you loop your arm through his, leaning into it as you walk “Everyone had their kinks and sometimes you need help getting out of…”
Your cut off with Remus’ groaning, closing his eyes briefly and you can almost feel the heat from his face “Merlin bugs I wasn’t…ugh” he sighs “Can we please forget this conversation?” he pleads opening his eyes and looking down at you, having no idea how it went from a film about an archaeologist to you catching him all tied up
You gift him a sympathetic look but shake your head “Nope” making sure to pop the ‘p’ “I will tease you forever”
He decouples himself “Fuck you” he says with an empty laugh before he stops walking completely “This is the place by the way” he gestures to the area, cheeks all rosy
“Fuck you too” you say with a laugh back before looking around “It’s lovely, very…woody” you grin
“You’re insufferable” he deadpans, shaking his head
“You love me really”
“I don’t” he quips and after a second of silence, a series of chuckles is heard from you both
Once it dies down, Remus moves to tuck his bag safety into a small enclave beneath the roots of one of the larger trees. You follow wordlessly, handing him your bag when he turns and reaches out to you. Your eyes flick up and spot an ‘M’ engraved in the bark just above it, causing you to smile while he stands up and walks over to a small clearing in the forest nearby. You don’t follow him this time, instead kneel down, your fingers glazing the bark before you go into his bag and take out the small pocket knife he always kept in there just in case and use it to scratch a ‘B’ just beside it
“Everything alright?” Remus asks as you finally approach him, stopping a few metres away
You hum in agreement, watching as his shoulders relax and he nods yet wears an uneasy expression “It’s gonna be okay” you say to assure him but he just tilts his head “Okay. It’s gonna hurt like a bitch and suck ass” you admit and he lets out a small laugh at that, almost like a ‘huh’ “But at least this time you aren’t alone”
“Thanks Bugs”
“Anything for you moony” you throw him a wink
He gives the best smile he can muster with the pain, until eventually it grows too much. Looking up you see the clouds parting, revealing the moon shining and as you look back you see Remus fall to his knees, clutching the forest floor as he wails in pain. You lower yourself to your knees as well, and as he looks up your eyes meet in a small moment of peace, one of which you give him a small nod and smile before he begins screaming in pain again
It’s then you shift, not wishing Moony to smell you as anything but an animal
You don’t move or doing at first, just sit and feel your heart break over and over as your friends’ bones crack and break themselves repeated while there was absolutely nothing you could do to help. It never got easier to watch, if anything, the second-hand pain you felt had grown stronger than it had ever been. More so knowing they should have been here, that James and Peter should have been here…he should have been here
Soon enough a full werewolf was looming in front of you, breathing heavy, nostrils flared. His form was taller yet thinner than it was back in school, but his eyes are still the same, even if they watch you closely before he growls lowly. Most would be scared but you just hopped forward, stopping just in front of your friend. He would never be scary to you. How could you ever be afraid of the chocolate loving, knitted jumper wearing, gardening granny that was your best friend?
His head dips down to sniff you, checking you weren’t a danger, nose nudging your side a little and then in a place you would be so teasing him about later. Eventually he pulls back, no longer looking threatened but relaxed, just like he did back at Hogwarts. And just like then he follows along behind you as you begin to hop away.
Beginning to make your way around the little circuit Remus had shown you on the map, which pretty much was keep going until you see this distinctive shaped tree or rock and if you reach this you’ve gone too far. He said that everything was miles away from any forest path but if there were any paths through the grass that looked self-made to lead him away, just in case. He also made sure to assure you that if you did get lost that was okay, or if he was relaxed enough to sleep you were to join him where that may be, and he would be able to get you both back to the bags in the morning…though his cheeks did grow pink as he said you would be leading the way with his instruction since unlike you, he wouldn’t be shifting back with clothes
After a few circuits and having to sprint around him a couple of times in order stop him from scratching himself you were growing a little tired, yet continued on none the less, you had the next month to sleep. That was until you returned to clearing with the bags and Moony stepped in front of you, sitting back on his hindlegs, basically telling you to stop. Which you do but get ready to run around again in case he is going to scratch when then just lays down.
If you could smile in your form you would have, thankful for being granted rest and sleep, more so as Moony seems to keep his head raised until you curl up next to him, to which you then feel his tonged lick your fur before his head rests on his front legs. You had no idea what time it was, but you did know you felt at peace as you feel asleep and you were sure for this brief moment Remus did too
Thank you for reading and let me know if you want tagged in the series ♡
@mrsgweasley @zmxchs @moony1-960 @violetsandroses8 @pega7sus @pussy-drunk @thecraziestcrayon @milivanili99 @katlovesall @that-bitch-bri @summer-noir @aces-tattooartist @panda-luminary
#remus lupin and reader#remus lupin and you#remus lupin and y/n#remus lupin x reader#remus lupin#remus lupin x you#remus lupin x y/n#sirius black and reader#young remus lupin#sirius black#remus x reader#remus and reader#remus and y/n#remus and you#remus lupin fanfiction#remus lupin angst#remus lupin fic#one day at a time
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Guarded and protected - Chapter 2
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Chapter 1 | Ch 2 | Ch 3 | Ch 4 | Ch 5 | Ch 6 | Epilogue
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Summary:
Marinette forces Luka to become the new Guardian of the Miraculous after confessing her mutual feelings to him. Seeing her healthier with her memories erased, Luka decides to keep his distance so she doesn't get involved with the Miraculous again.
Tw: Amnesia, Angst with a happy Ending
AO3
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Chapter 2: Before and after
Earlier that day, before the event that changed everything, Marinette had come to see him, agitated and troubled. After he helped her cool down a bit, she started talking; it was then when she told him about her secret identity, which he already knew. She had also told him how she had taken care of the Black Cat Miraculous and designated a new wielder for it. Luka didn't question it; he completely trusted her judgment.
And then, she told him he would be a great Guardian and the best partner she could ever wish for.
He imagined she meant it as a shared Guardianship—but her last words proved him wrong.
Before she renounced Guardianship, she confessed that she had never stopped loving him—and everybody (except her, maybe) knew he hadn't either.
Probably—no, most likely— the reason it took him so much to realize what was actually happening was because he had lost himself in the contact of her lips on his.
She kissed him. And he kissed her back, as he had longed to for so long…
He had no idea that joy would be so brief (yet unforgettable and everlasting in his memories).
A low and soft "I love you," exchange followed. A shy smile, and a bittersweet look projected in her eyes the next moment, when she finished saying the Guardianship renouncing words she had once learned from the previous Guardian and her mentor.
He hadn't known. He had no way to know. He couldn't have anticipated it. Not until Tikki told—yelled—at him.
Her memories were gone…
What about her feelings…?
His heart dropped with her simple question: "Who are you?"
It hurt. A lot.
Like the worst of his nightmares.
Worse than those he had already been suffering lately—with failed or possible gone wrongs and heart-wrecking second chances crystal clear in his mind, restlessly tormenting him in his sleep, making him wake up agitated and dizzy and covered in shivering cold sweat almost daily.
At least the bad dreams ended when he woke up—unlike what was going on now: cruel reality.
If he had known about her memory loss… would he have accepted the magical box?
Probably not, but he wasn't sure.
Because, looking at her, there, in front of him, the bags on her eyes gone, as well as with the gloomy air that had surrounded her for years and just until a minute ago, added to how she wasn't tense or anxious either anymore…
She looked healthier and, despite his pain, he couldn't not be happy for her.
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Hey! For the love your fandom ask game: 3, 7, & 20?
hey there!!!!!! thanks for asking (i'll send some your way too). questions are from this post!
#3: a character that fandom has helped you appreciate
the first person that comes to mind is nagisa. in the series, he's portrayed as someone very cheeky, friendly and ambitious—he's always very spontaneous and quietly observant of everything, and i love that he doesn't think too deep about certain things, e.g., haru's quiet, seemingly non-emotional character (which he chalks down to haru being someone who is always "smiling inside"—such a cute, non-judgmental way to acknowledge that just because haru isn't as expressive as the others or doesn't smile often, it doesn't necessarily mean he isn't happy or doesn't care).
mischievous as he is, he's always well-intentioned (but whether or not his motives are misunderstood is a whole other box to unpack). i think i value people like nagisa in my real life, and i love seeing how the fandom portrays him in their work.
#7: your favorite tropes to read/write/draw
i love writing and reading works that come from a place of pain. it's not that i'm sadistic; it just feels more raw, relatable, validating and hopeful reading such content because all of us as people have gone through varying degrees of tough times and it's nice to know we're not alone in our suffering. solidarity in its many forms is something i will always appreciate, especially as someone who works in social services.
reading/writing about it and learning how everything is resolved through the art of storytelling (regardless of whether it has a sad, bittersweet or happy ending) helps me to reflect on my own life and that of others. it creates some sort of self-awareness that's important for my own personal growth, and it's a healthy outlet for me to express myself.
reading about your favourite characters going through problems/challenges similar to your own can be so, so empowering. as long as you tread carefully, i don't think it's unhealthy or bad to enjoy tropes revolving around angst, hurt/comfort, and other similar tropes.
#20: your very first fandom!
my first fandom wasn't even an anime-centered one—i'm no longer active in the fandom (there were some things that felt toxic and exhausting) but i used to avidly listen to 2nd gen k-pop! i was a blackjack (woooo 2ne1), vip (big bang), elf (super junior) and shawol (shinee!!!!!!!) i haven't actively been in any fandoms other than free! since like, 2018. too busy adulting, so right now, the free! fandom is my only place of solace.
thanks for asking!!! i'll send some your way as well. :-) and thank you @museaway for creating the fandom ask game. ❤️
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hi love! can i please request 12. safeguard with stiles? thank you so much!! <3
send me a character and a prompt for a scene blurb ~ (3/10)
SAFEGUARD : for one muse to save the other from being hit by a vehicle or from some other life-threatening event.
Warnings : blood, severe injury, character demise - not a happy ending (:
Hopelessness embraced you like a weighted blanket; ponderous despair that bolted you to the ground and ceased your movements. You could hardly tell how long you’ve been here, the room you're deteriorating within had remained the same shade of darkness, and the temperature only decreasing from the stale moisture that had also found it’s way into your lungs. Loneliness was easily accepted by now and you acceded it with open arms if it meant cutting yourself off from the pain you’ve been inflicted. You hurt, and you had hardly spoken to anyone - refusing to tell them just what makes your pack tick, what unites you all and congregates such power.
Trapped. You were trapped. You were taken, and you were bound. You were held against your will and they tried to make you talk - they really did. But you never would. They realised that. And that’s what made you so damn expendable.
The deliria was a bittersweet welcome the moment it started to set in. You were unable to tell the difference between reality and whatever your mind was forcing you to see, and for the better, it was a good thing. Reality was much, much harsher than hearing the voices of your friends and picturing the smiles of your loved ones as they sat beside you and coaxed fake faith for rescue. You truly wanted to believe that everything would be okay - after all, you had imagined figures telling you that it would be, and you were desperate to cling to whatever optimism you could get your hands on.
You couldn’t help as your sappless head lulled against the cold brick wall when your capturs returned; the pain in your body settling in every muscle and bone as if they were now permanently scarred and the affliction was simply just a part of you. Although your mind was slipping, you could still determine that the unforgiving gazes over your deteriorating body belonged to those of supernatural identities. They weren’t just wolves, they were something else, and they were dangerous.
You hardly even flinched as one crouched before you, their self-proclaimed leader Virgil, his forearms perching upon his knees with hands clasped between you two. He wore a hardered expression and smelt faintly of woodchips and stale cigarettes - the only things you could properly register as your consciousness teetered. It was easy to see that from the moment you first met him, that his impatience had grown substantially and that he wore frustration like an extra limb.
You shouldn’t have been left alone. The pack agreed to stay together, to have each other’s backs, to protect and be protected. It had been seen over hundreds of times in horror films - do not follow the strange sound. But you did, and you were isolated from your friends the moment your head was struck by a blunt object. The disorientation you felt when your eyes managed to drag themselves opened was more than astounding, and the headache had yet cleared. That was days ago. You were sure that the back of your head was still sporting a matted red look, and that the paleness of your skin only made your newly decorated bruises stand out even more. Virgil was proficient at pestering you for information but you didn’t dare break, electing to suffer instead of giving up your second family. They didn’t hesitate, however, to use infliction of pain to prove their distaste.
You were a wreck; falling apart and plummeting slowly, but surely.
“I’m sure ya know just how rare True Alphas are.” The voice started, his tone low and gravelly alongside the absent-minded cracking of his knuckles. His darkened eyes were hard to miss, even through the curtain of his long lashes as he stared at you, hoping that his intimidation was enough to make you crack. His tongue darted out quickly to lap at his dried lips, “But what most people don’t know, is that they’re really only as strong as their pack. Your pack.”
The scoff you offered him was dripping with disgust, and you were sure that your eyes even rolled back with all of the sarcasm you had the energy to muster, “Too bad you’re never gonna know what that’s truly like. It really is a shame.”
His chuckle was dry and irritant, only enhanced by the way his hands squeezed into fists and you winced at the thought of those fingers leaving behind purple splotches against your skin once again. Virgil tutted, his tongue clicking against the roof of his mouth in annoyance, “There are wolves, a coyote, kitsune, banshee... but what are you? Besides a pain in my ass.”
“An abominable snowman.” Your reply was instant, a cheeky channel from the boy that taught you sarcasm a little too well. Virgil’s eyebrow rose as he silently questioned whether you considered him as being that stupid, to which you just smiled, “But ya know, it’s more of a wintertime thing. Seasonal.”
It was quick when his palm struck your face; the impact provoking instant feeling of nausea to bubbling in your chest. The days without food or water wouldn’t be helping the situation. The smack was loud as it echoed off the brick walls, the dilapidated building you’re held up within only allowing the sound to travel alongside the whine that unwillingly slipped past your now bleeding lips. It was human reaction when your eyes squeezed shut and you pushed yourself back as far as you could against the wall, curling your body inward as your forced yourself not to release a defeated sob.
He was getting to you, and he could see it as you broke. But you still wouldn’t talk, no matter what hell you had to drag yourself through.
Virgil slurred ‘bitch’ under his breath as he regained full stance before allowing his booted foot to slam into your ribs, your wail finally escaping and reverberating around the open space. You wanted to tell him to just get it over and done with - just kill me now. But you couldn’t let him win that easily, not after everything you had been through over the years, and you wouldn’t back down without a good ol’ fight first.
You didn’t expect to hear it; the loud bang down the hall, smashing glass, and howls of angry wolves. It was sudden and brash and made Virgil and his men jump as fear shone within their eyes. It felt too good to be true... am I just too far gone, or have they come for me? Will eyes flutter open and be met with a dark room once more, or will the supernatural A Team come bounding through that door and save the day? Salvation was only a lick away and it gave you a desired warmth in your stomach.
Hastily, you were left alone in the room again. You wanted to scream out, to make yourself known, to be a waypoint to your rescuers - if it really was your rescuers. The moment you tried to voice out, your body coiled back, sharpness exploding in your ribs and forcing your head to thump. You could feel that headache again as it beat loudly, like a heart, like a reminder that your strength was dipping, like a final ounce of consciousness struggling to anchor itself. Maybe, it would be for the best if you closed your eyes and waited, if you let yourself slip just the tiniest bit, until the pain was gone. Just for a moment.
Hopefulness wasn’t that far away; it was an overdue kiss to the forehead, the anticipated squeeze of a hand. You were beckoned awake by the familiarity of a gentle voice, the tone saturated in worry and despair as it rang with such urgency into your ears. You noticed his touch next as you attempted to squeeze his hands back, your eyelashes struggling to wake as they danced across your cheekbone. The boy brought warmth and satisfaction and you could cry on the spot just by knowing that Stiles Stilinski was with you and by your side, where he always belonged.
His voice shook as it tried to stay grounded, “Open your eyes for me, sweetheart, please. Let me see those pretty eyes... I need to see them, okay?”
It was nearly impossible just to see him - the intensity of your exhaustion weighing down your eyelids, your body conflicted to follow your heart when it was just so damn destroyed. You could feel your shoulders squirm in the slightest as you pushed past a small cry, but it was the feeling of his hold as it cradled your cheek that was a trigger enough to finally look at your sweet boy. Stiles’ body relaxed immediately when his gaze could bore into yours; the golden whisky shade of his eyes briefly clouded by bubbled tears that collected on his lash line. He was beyond relieved to have you back, tempted to sacrifice the world just to have his love in his arms again.
“There’s my pretty girl.” He cooed, his thumb rubbing under your eye, careful to not aggravate the darkened circles made by sleep deprivation and bruising.
You could hardly speak as you throat tore from dryness, but you still smiled, whispering delicately, “You found me.”
“I wasn’t going to stop until I found you. These past few days... they’re some of the worst days of my life. I was going out of my freaking mind.” Stiles lent in to press another kiss to your forehead, his lips lingering as he took in your presence and the alleviation your vitality left. His lengthy fingers left you to fiddle in the depths of his jeans, satisfied when he pulled out the swiss army pocket-knife that his dad gifted for his eighteenth birthday. His trusty sword, you always called it. He reached behind you to cut away at the zip ties that bound your hands together before breaking away the tie around your legs, a loud sigh eliciting from the relief that came with freedom.
You knew this wasn’t a mind trick - how could it be when you could feel the sprouting of regained life in your chest, how it offered hope and light and future. You could relish in this feeling forever, and you nearly did.
Nearly.
Familiar frigidity filled your space in the snap of fingers. One second Stiles was there, and then he was ripped away from you as your eyes fluttered open. His voice rang shrill as it called your name. You suddenly couldn’t hear the continuous battle with your friends beyond this room, you couldn't smell the mould and mildew that had surely found home in your lungs, you couldn’t feel the chill of the concrete floor as your nails ripped against it at the sight of Stiles being held back by two of Virgil’s men. You were only focused on your sweet boy.
“How sweet, teenage love.” The man of the hour spat against the shell of your ear, prompting uncomfortable shivers to travel down your spine. The growing emitting from his tone suggested that he was in wolf form, something you were accustomed to when it came to your Alpha and friends. Only this time, you could sense the red hot rage that was coursing through his veins and how a claw dragged with odd tenderness down your cheek, then your throat.
“Don’t you goddamn touch her.” Stiles squirmed, his human frame held back with each movement he made. Virgil threw his head back with a laugh, striding tall with intimidation as he made his way toward Stiles, standing beside him as they both faced your battered body.
Virgil hummed, finger tapping briefly against Stiles’ chest, “I can hear you, thump thump thump.” He gestured to his heart, claw pushing against him until he only just pierced the skin. The wolf chuckled again, “Just you wait until I have this bitch bleeding out on my floor. What a sight that’ll be.”
Stiles tugged with all his strength, a groan ripping through his throat at the struggle. He was beyond angry now - absolutely seething at the promise of your demise, and he wasn’t going to have it. Your head shook at the thought of your love getting hurt, especially if it be anything like you. So you cleared your throat and spoke up, much to everyone’s surprise.
“I’ll tell you everything, if you let him go. Then you can do whatever you want with me.”
This intrigued the wolf, his ears visually perking at your offer. He took a step back and crossed his arms over his chest, muscles swelling as his head tilted in curiosity. He didn’t expect you to break after these dragging days, and especially because of a silly human boy. Love makes people do crazy things. Virgil hummed, “Even with them all out there fighting for your life, you’d still give ‘em up, just for him? For love, of all damn things?” He sighed, digging his heel against the floor, “You really are a stupid girl.”
Stiles grunted, protesting against your sacrifice, “Don’t say anything, it’s not worth it. I’m not worth it!”
“You’re worth everything and more, Stiles! I’ve made my decision...” It pained you to tear your gaze away from your worried boyfriend, your focus hardening instantly as it landed back on the man with the cheshire smile, “Let him go, and I’m yours.”
Ulterior motives are often hard to spot. They’re so well trained to exist in plain sight, to become so apart of the story that the twist in the plot can’t be seen coming. So easily, they can shake and turn the things that you thought was going to happen - when suddenly, the path changes, and the new direction takes you more than just by surprise. That’s what happened when Virgil let Stiles go.
The boy ran instantly toward you the moment his arms were broken free, and that hopefulness returned. That goddamn hopefulness that you never thought you would feel again until he found you in the first place. That goddamn hopefulness that glistened in your eyes and sang in your heart. That goddamn hopefulness that did embrace you like a hug, only made from warm touches and not weighted blankets. That goddamn hopefulness that was ripped away so goddamn fast that you never saw it coming.
Stiles never got to you, and your eyes widened when he stood frozen, only a few feet away. Golden hues that made your knees weak had suddenly lost their saturation, murkiness sitting in their wake. It made you travel your focus down as a hand protruded from Stiles’ torso - claws curling to form a fist before those familiar run-down converse shoes were lifted from the floor. His white shirt was stained red - like the apples you would share during Spring, or the colour of lipstick that was pressed to his cheek after your first date. Red were the roses that he gave you on your sixth-month anniversary, and the album you two couldn’t stop singing to every single day during that one Summer break. Red was the blood that now seeped from his lips and down his chin, a dribble that soon turned to much more. Stiles was painted red from head to toe, and it stopped you from breathing.
Virgil was kind enough to throw the body of your boyfriend by your feet before you crawled to him, wailing so incredibly loud that you missed the moment the door was kicked in. You dragged Stiles’ head to your lap and sat your hands on his cheeks, tears that had trailed down your face now mixing with those of his own as they fell. Hands trembled and your lip quivered, a mantra of ‘no no no’ spoken under your breath as you tried to process what was happening.
“Don’t do this, you can’t leave me. You can’t leave me, Stiles!” You were angry and sad and you wanted to scream until your throat burned. You wanted to shove your hand into the cavity of your chest and rip out your own heart - you wouldn’t be needing it if you didn’t have Stiles Stilinski to give your everything to. He tried saying your name, a reassuring sentiment, but the words were drowned by the bubbling of his blood and you completely broke. You shushed him, thumbs rubbing so gently against his skin, “I’m right here, okay? I love you. I love you so much.”
You didn’t notice when the howling ceased, when the battle stopped, when the room fell quiet, or when your friends won. You couldn’t hear the way their sobs started to harmonise with yours, nor did you see them fall to their knees over their dying friend. It wasn’t meant to end this way.
“H-here let... let me...” Scott’s voice was hoarse as he crouched next to you, his eyes slamming shut the second he saw the pool of red that you and Stiles were sitting within. Scott reached out for Stiles’ arm as an attempt to take the pain away, but nothing came.
Stiles’ head lulled to the side as he coughed out blood, enough to allow him to get out a few words, “There’s no pain, Scotty. It’s just peace.”
You sniffled loudly as one hand dragged through his brown locks, pulling through the tangled mess. You sighed, sadness evident in your tone, “We’re all here with you. It’s okay. We’ll be okay.”
For the last time, your sweet boy peered up to you, his lips curled in the smile that you fell in love with first. His eyes sparkled, offering adoration.
Stiles Stilinski drew his final breath, “I love you.”
#dylan o'brien x reader#dylan o'brien#stiles stilinski x reader#stiles stilinski#stiles stilinski imagine#stiles stilinski fic#THIS FNHCUFKING KILLED ME OKAY#sceneblurb#tw blood#tw injury#tw death
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All your posts abt Trigun has me wanting to watch/read it now. But like ... How much damage should I expect to recieve from this? Is it Evangelion level type of hurt or what? Is it tragic, traumatic, and homosexual(even just enough to feed my gay brain)? Pls advise.
Yes, there's MUCH emotional damage, but in a good way. That completely devastates and traumatizes you, then heals you with a genuinely hopeful message of love & peace. :'3 (So don't worry, bc despite all the fucked up tragedies and suffering, the ending is still a bittersweet happy one.) The manga is one of those gems that will probably change your life~ and/or go insane with the Feels, as I don't think I've seen any fan who has come out of it emotionally stable or 'ok' 8'D. Extremely worth it, but it's a hard seinen with some pretty difficult/heavy content for some to stomach. And oh yes, from my ace eyes, it was quite disastrously bi too (nothing explicit, but more...Victorian style longing for solace that's subtle/artful in a way I like) - swinging both ways that were meaningful, poignant, and important to the mc in different ways (so yes, Vash has two hands for Wolfwood & Meryl). However, as a fair warning, one of them is perpetually doomed by the narrative, which made me mentally bluescreen when [redacted] happened, that I probably still haven't recovered from to fully process it - so I'll just say, cherish it while it lasts. :')) And don't ignore the women also, because they rock~
Also fyi, the old 98 anime, manga, and new anime are all different tellings of the story. :O So to introduce yourself and get the most out of all the lore, trying it out in release order is probably what I'd recommend (as that's what I did, tho I grew up with the old anime-eng dub first as a kid too.) Note that the old anime has a lot more filler/humorous moments (as it was made before the manga finished, and they characterized the mc as a bit of a skirt-chaser for some outdated gags, when he's not Like That in the actual manga and new series at all, so just Be Aware that that's a thing you can ignore) so it tells a different story than what the manga becomes, but to slowly introduce you to [The Pain] that happens around mid-way, the old anime can 'gently' prepare you for the meat of the manga, because oh, it goes way harder than anything the old anime showed. :'3
And the current Stampede anime is utilizing manga-only endgame elements/lore in new ways that are fun to catch if you've already read the manga too (and I'd say in vibe it's much closer/accurate to the manga's too, meaning there's not much relation it has to the old anime, so you can safely separate them), but just don't expect the new anime to be exactly like the other two either, as it's still its own separate thing - so that means, all in all, Trigun is 'holy shit 3 cakes!' worth of content to enjoy~
#trigun#anonymous#replies#the amount of content may be overwhelming but it's worth it#you can find the manga's dark horse tl at manga4life/mangasee123 or look for the overhaul fan tl#and you can easily get BOTH anime's dubs/subs from animesuge.to
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15 / 09 / 2023
altho i did listen to "social path" during its release (lisa my beloved im so happy they did a collab <3) today was the first time i watched the mv and rlly payed attention to the lyrics... and i began to realize how relatable this song felt to me. searching for the english translation all the more proved it. for an upbeat song, i seem to have grown an emotional attachment to it ^^;
i'll properly write it out into a story one day, but for now, here are the thoughts i've noted down as i listened to social path again and again. here, i write about my dream to eventually leave home and get to live my own life (originally, i was writing it out in 3rd person as i was planning to turn it into a skz x reader fic... but you'll see that it eventually got personal XD)
• "Gave up my youth for my future" lived a life predetermined for them by their parente, had to sacrifice many things they wanted, "gave up my youth" to follow along to what their parents told them, never experiencing much happy childhood memories
• "I just want to rise up stronger" after years of living their life like this they want to break free and become strong and independent - their own person
• Verse 1: they've left home, escaping the environment that once had them completely under control; now they're living on their own, only have themself to depend on. it's daunting but liberating at the same time. their family berates them for choosing to leave everything behind because they didn't want to live that way anymore and want to live their own way, but they think otherwise, that they've endured enough to suppress their desires and temptations to please them and that despite no longer wanting to go through it anymore, they've grown stronger because they were able to make the difficult decision to save themself and choose independence. their past experiences were painful, but enduring it has made them stronger, and they can only face forwards towards the future because there won't be a second time
• Prechorus: they know the path they've chosen is going to be a lonely one because everyone who used to love them has now turned away from them because of their decisions. they're in a new environment/situation where they only have themself to depend on, but they won't give up and fall after how far they've come, they know that their family wants them to give up and run back home to them. it's a bittersweet feeling, painful, but also hilarious that their family ever thought they'd want to live that life forever. their inner demons haunt them, but it's okay now, they're now reminders of why they chose this path.
• Chorus: you only live once, I'm ready to take on this path no matter what anyone else says. "This path was meant to be my dream," I've longed to finally be able to do this, despite all the hurt I've suffered for this, I don't regret my decision, so call me crazy, "down on this road, call it the social path"
• Verse 2: I know this hard decision is something that will haunt me for a long time. I've parted from people in my life, my family being the hardest to leave. I've seen many come and go, so even if I end up on my own, it'll be fine, I will fight for myself
• Bridge: there's no way back to the past to mend any old regrets, I dont want to go back to the past anyways, so I'll just keep moving forward and looking towards the present. Even if I get lost on the way, even if I take this journey all on my own, I'll keep going and reach my goal: to live the life I want.
thoughts? i might make a seperate skz (+ lisa 😳?) x reader in the end with a dystopian setting... but rn im still rlly in my angsty feels over this song so it probably wont be until a while XD nonetheless, i hope you like my interpretation of social path :)
#noisyanyan#leeyanyan's writing corner#stray kids#skz#social path#stray kids social path#stray kids x reader#skz x reader#future stray kids fanfic maybe???
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these are just headcanons of mine, random as they are, they’re important to why gojo says or acts the way he does now. gojo’s existence wasn’t as pampered as people initially think. no one from the 3 prestigious clans had it easy nor were they treated with respect or decency, it was earned with a strong emphasis on strength and power.
gojo tends to call a lot of people and curses weak. we hear it a lot from him, mocking and being entirely brazen about it, as if announcing it to the entire world. it’s only because he’s heard it a lot himself actually when he was a little kid. while six eyes grants gojo the ability of extrasensory perception, it’s an ability he can’t turn off and as a child, it’s tiring, it’s very much a curse. rest doesn’t exist for him. he cried a lot and no one he could cry too (all kids from other clans distanced themselves from him and adults? they would tell him to stop crying, it’s weak, he’s not supposed to be weak with the power he’s been granted with). he had to learn how to “sleep” and rest with this ability and it was hard. no one could teach him any of this. so he heard the word “weak” a lot from adults and higher ups who had this extremely high expectation from him. gojo is constantly in a state where he’s stretched thin, that feeling we can all relate to when we’ve had an extremely hard day of work and traffic sucked ass and it took an hour or two just to get home and cooking dinner took just as long and it’s time to knock yourself out as soon as your head hits the pillow but only after taking a shower but then oh no, your dog is sick and you’ve lost a chunk of sleep before work the next day. does gojo ever say out loud to anyone about it, that this feeling is a 24/7 feeling? no, he doesn’t. no one can relate to it, therefore, really, it’s his own problem as it’s always been. but when he heard someone call him weak, he’d grit his teeth, clench his fist, raise his chin and used that anger to fuel his motivation. that’s why he calls others weak, it’s a challenge, it’s encouragement. he wants people to catch up to him. he wants this infinite space between him and everyone else to close. it’s his way of trying to raise others without showing any weakness on his part.
geto was gojo’s biggest wake up call and in all honesty, they let each other down in different ways. geto’s suffering and depression was not something gojo could detect. remember, gojo was quite isolated from social interactions until much later in his teens. all he’s known are individuals either berating him, having high expectations of him and being very cold about it in that regard, or those who are trying to assassinate him. he’s not developed in sensing someone else’s pain and while he did catch geto’s weight loss, he’s not experienced enough to detect that as linked with emotional pain. it was only after hearing that geto killed his own parents that gojo realized what those physical signs meant. even his hypersensitive senses couldn’t catch that emotional turmoil going on inside and the realization that being powerfully strong, being gifted with the greatest of powers, meant nothing when it came to people. his eyes should be able to see everything but it didn’t. killing geto, who he considered one of his best friends, wasn’t easy to do either and it’s not something gojo will ever talk about or bring up himself. the let down hurts, it’s guilt and anger at himself, and bittersweet memories he can’t get back. but what it did was change his priorities. killing everyone for a desire for change is not the way to go. geto lost empathy and compassion in his own suffering and while gojo can never reach that level, he wants to try, especially with the people he has left.
there are glimpses, moments when gojo becomes extremely feral or extremely cold whether he’s fighting or conversing. in one case, nanami compares gojo’s likeness to mahito in the “silliness while possessing deadly strength and power behind the smile.” really for gojo, it’s a defense mechanism. his goofiness in battle is really just his personality taking a front and to keep people lowering their guard but the feral cold side is akin to that of a calculating predator and this is really a traumatic side effect of assassins coming after him all the time when he was young. that twisted satisfaction of crushing opponents that dare to come after him just for existing, just because he has a power he never asked for and all the weight that comes with it. it’s a cathartic time for him, especially when he’s fighting and it shows through in a cruelty that surpasses his opponents.
#this may be unorganized but i just need to have it here#so that when i make proper pages for my muses#that it's all here for me so i don't forget lmfao#but some important headcanons to my portrayal of gojo#it may even clear up questions you guys have about him?#i hope so#because the way he acts doesn't come from an obvious place#I FLING THIS @ ALL OF YOU#* ⟢ 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒 ( gojo )
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1 + 3 + 5 for Seto if you'd like. Thank you.
Thank you so much for the ask!! I really appreciate it
1. The Hydreigon evolutionary line. It is a three headed dragon, and the various Pokédex entries for this Pokémon are quite sad and reminiscent I think of Seto’s struggle with his trauma and mental health. The entries that remind me the most of Seto are these
For Deino:
“They cannot see, so they tackle and bite to learn about their surroundings. Their bodies are covered in wounds”
This reminds me of Seto at the orphanage, lost and trying to survive.
For Zweilous:
“Since their two heads do not get along and compete with each other for food, they always eat too much”
I see the second head as a metaphor for Seto’s suffering beginning to control him. The way it’s heads do not get along makes me think of the way Seto is in a constant struggle with the parts of himself that he is trying to repress.
For Hydreigon:
“It’s said that Hydreigon grew ferocious because people in times long past loathed it, considering it to be evil incarnate and attacking it relentlessly.”
In another entry from BW, it is said that it attacks as a response to movement, which also reminds me of Seto, with his destructive drives and his deep fear.
3. It’s so hard to pick, I love all of his looks so much. My favorite is:
It’s just too cute.
But his best one objectively:
The manga version of this outfit is just too cool. The coat and the necklace are so stylish.
5. Seto does not have many gentle memories, and I think that as a defense mechanism he has almost completely forgotten his years before arriving at the Kaiba Mansion. He has so many painful memories that sometimes his brain just has to remove some of them to make space for the new ones. But I do think that whenever Seto got injured at the orphanage, Mokuba would take care of his wounds in his own childlike way, maybe copying the way Seto would take care of his. And the feeling of being cared for by at least one person in the world probably warmed Seto’s heart in those moments. I think Mokuba continued to do so in the first months they arrived at the mansion. Seto for the first months would try to sneak in Mokuba’s room and spend some time with him. He stopped doing it after a while, because he was caught and because he did not have anything to say to Mokuba and maybe also thought that seeing his state would just worry him. Mokuba would somehow notice Seto’s scars from his punishments and try to take care of them during those first months when Seto still did that.
I think in canon (anime) some of his gentlest memories are Mokuba drawing the BEWD for him and Isono and Fuguta saying they will keep calling him President in the Doma arc.
In manga canon, I picture Seto waking up with the locket around his neck from the coma as among them, but that’s more of a bittersweet memory as it was infused with guilt and other difficult emotions.
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okay soooooooo.
well, firstly, beast is super well written and really good and like you should just read it because on its own its a powerful story about good and evil and sibling love and friendship and its fucking fantastic as a story completely separate of the bsd timeline. its funny but its also the most heartbreaking thing ever - its self aware but it doesnt take you out of the story - it is So well put together.
BUT. then theres considering it alongside canon. and thats where its fucking insane. beast's existence has you not only appreciating it as its own story but it has you being grateful for and thinking about the tiny little things that change everything and overall makes you so grateful for what the other series has - THIS IS HARD TO EXPLAIN OKAY I THINK EXAMPLES MIGHT HELP BETTER. for example, in canon kunikida is so much more reserved and afraid of being vulnerable because she had dazai as a partner and suffered through the whole azure king stuff. but at the same time, shes a lot stronger and more resilient. whereas beast kunikida is a lot more open and loving because she doesnt have a partner who pushes back against her nor does has she been through that same trauma. while her vulnerability is beautiful it also Literally makes her more vulnerable - she is even more uptight, she is even more fragile and she is so much more likely to break and not be able to come back from it. then of course theres oda who gets to LIVE but at the same time, he was never friends with dazai and so that entire beautiful and life changing relationship they had is non existent. theres akutagawa who got to join the agency and start a much better life with people who love him, but as a result, atsushi is in the mafia and he is Suffering. he doesnt have fukuzawas ability to keep his tiger under control so he has to torture himself to stay in control. kyouka never got to see the light, the only light she has is atsushi and she has to watch him suffer constantly. what beast does is give us insight into the fact that there is no perfect world. it may be the only world where oda lives and that may mean that dazai would give up everything to preserve it but it means we see so many people suffer in a new way. the parallel selfishness and selflessness that governs dazais choices in beast are so fucking interesting. because yes hes hurting himself as well but it is to preserve something that He wants to be preserved. theres just such a bittersweetness about everything in it thats so enhanced by it existing alongside another universe. knowing that akutagawa is making his first friend while at the same time atsushi is enduring constant physical pain. to know that while oda lives dazai lives knowing his best friend, the one who changed his entire life for the better, has no idea who he is (okay i just realised shiki and nayuta core oh my god you have to read it).
ANYWAY. I HOPE THIS MAKES ANY SENSE. PLEASE READ BEAST. ITS SO GOOD
Augh wow ok yeah I'm reading it <3
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