anything shy of perfection is an embarrassment // and impressing is just another necessity // but if i cannot feel special // despite apparently being so special, // and i cannot err // without losing my own respect, // where am i allowed to fall? // when always being told that i am allowed to stop // but never being told that i am allowed to rest, // where am i to lay my head? // slowing down was frowned upon // even though i was walking a path i never wanted to take; // taken by the hand // to follow someone else’s dreams, // to see the sights they wanted to see // in hopes they could live their desires through me. // i never wanted to know those things. // i never wanted anything more than this. // i never wanted to be anything more than innocent. // you say one thing to the wrong person // and no one perceives you correctly again. // and yet she still wonders // why i’m such a mystery; // how she only knew half of what she knew of me // before i dared to let her skim only the surface // of the mind that lurks beneath. // but i never dared to show her // the heart that cries // that whines // that begs; // that begs for release // that begs for relief // that begs for rest; // it begs you to let it rest. // it begs you to let it live, // to let it love // to let it be loved; // but not loved as someone special, // for it no longer understands what that word means; // not as someone who is grieving; // not as someone to be pitied; // not as someone who has suffered; // not as someone who is singing. // it wants to be loved as someone normal. // it wants to be separate from all it has done // and all that has been done to it. // it just wants to be. // it wants to be just as it is. // but it fears // and i fear // that it doesn’t know what it is anymore; // it looks upon itself // and begins to cry // when it can’t describe the figure in the mirror // without relating it to everything it wants to be separated from. // and i never knew // i wanted to be normal // something totally regular // someone who fades into the background so seamlessly // until i realized // that i have never been normal
— normal
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Hey all! Patrons now have access to the 0.18 build of NonPlatonic Forms! It includes:
-More to read! We're up from 16k words to just under 30k. ;3
-Assorted new placeholder CGs, backgrounds, songs and facial expressions.
-A button in the Options Menu where you can turn off/skip adult content.
-At the end of the first match, Lee is presented with a choice. You can now play through that choice, which will contribute to the first significant path change in the game. This will close out the first part of the game, and lead into part two.
Capture it here and drag it back to your hallow now!
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i hold my own heart in my own hands
it beats in spite of it all
it beats solely for spite.
i’m still bleeding out
all over her pristine pink carpet.
at least you gave my heart back
because it wasn’t the trophy you wanted,
was it?
you didn’t want the proof
that i was capable of love.
you’d gain more glory if you didn’t prove
i was anything but a monster.
no,
you only wanted to say
that you killed me,
the satisfaction of watching me squirm
watching me beg
watching me cry
beneath you.
you were a hunter
and i was too oblivious
too trusting
to uncover it before the trap was sprung.
the knife that carved me open
was held behind your back
while you beckoned to me
with sweet calls.
you knew i would never trust easy
you knew i had been scarred before
so you knew where to lay the bait
you knew where to strike:
the only soft spot;
the only place not yet scarred.
you didn’t want my heart.
you didn’t want my hide.
you wanted the memory.
you wanted to hear your name
praised by the crowd that followed you;
whimpered by the prey that trusted you.
you wanted the tale,
the story that said
you finally subdued the elusive creature
that never let anyone touch them;
the one that said
you finally caught the monster
and that it was as unlovable
as it always thought it was;
the legend that said
you finally domesticated the beast
thought to be a predator,
taught it to whimper at your touch
made it learn
to lay down at your command.
you just wanted the memory
and the feeling
of knowing that when faced with the one
who swore they would never,
you could make her bend
you could make her cry
you could make her lie
on your bed
and make her lie
to herself.
you held me up
for all your friends to see
and tossed me back
when i began to move again
because you didn’t want to hold me
in the first place.
did you ever think about
when i rolled over
became braver than i ever have
to show you that tenderness
to ignore my instincts
and to hint at my one fear
when you invited me closer?
did you remember it
when i was pinned down
when your knife dug deeper and deeper
when i cried your name
and did you think about it specifically
to make it feel even better
because i know
killing me was one thing on its own;
it was nothing special
you had killed others before.
to kill me
in the way i feared the most,
was that what made you smile?
did you recall
all my exposed parts
and did it make you double take
make you question your actions
even if for a second
and make you see
the poor creature
sprawled out under your weight;
did you have to shove aside your doubt
swallow your guilt
because you knew you were too far along
to apologize to me.
i’m certain you remember
and i’m positive you didn’t falter
because once you commit to something
you don’t stop until it’s done
that was something i loved about you
at least i did once.
and i know enough
to know a hunter doesn’t care
about the way they hurt their hunt
that i was just something else
for you to conquer
not something
for you to think too hard about.
i’m laying on the floor
right where you left me
still bleeding
still breathing
unfortunately.
you couldn’t have given me mercy
so i will lay
still cold
still pale
still crying
still bleeding
until i can heal enough to stand
because i know you won’t pick me up
because you wouldn’t even grant me
mercy.
— i think your teeth were sharper than mine
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