#people with symptoms

[uncanny-tranny]

Basically, my philosophy around disability fakers is: I would rather a thousand people fake a disability than have one disabled person suffer without care, aids, compassion, or any help.

#disability #disability advocacy #and there's a difference not many people seem to recognize between faking and realizing you don't have [x] problem... #...such as realizing you don't have [x] disorder because it is instead [y] disorder... #...or you haven't completely understood your care needs/your symptoms/what helps you... #...and some people see ANY change in your understanding of your disability as proof of maliciously faking... #...when i suppose in my personal experience people don't *maliciously* fake disability... #...i'm not saying it could never happen but that i don't think it's the *only* thing motivating people called fakers #i just think (like most everything) this is complex and nuanced because it's a *human* experience #like for me personally i /know/ i still have a lot to learn about my disabilities... #...like... i realized recently that my hands shouldn't be in AGONY when warm water is ran over them when it's SLIGHTLY cold inside or out... #...and i realized that i likely have a Noticable limb difference that needs checking out. does this sound like i'm faking... #...or that maybe i just didn't really explore my own needs and body because of a variety of factors? #i can assure you it is because i haven't really thought before about how i deserved to understand how to best help myself

[inkskinned]

crows use tools and like to slide down snowy hills. today we saw a goose with a hurt foot who was kept safe by his flock - before taking off, they waited for him to catch up. there are colors only butterflies see. reindeer are matriarchical. cows have best friends and 4 stomachs and like jazz music. i watched a video recently of an octopus making himself a door out of a coconut shell.

i am a little soft, okay. but sometimes i can't talk either. the world is like fractal light to me, and passes through my skin in tendrils. i feel certain small things like a catapult; i skirt around the big things and somehow arrive in crisis without ever realizing i'm in pain.

in 5th grade we read The Curious Incident of the Dog In The Night-time, which is about a young autistic boy. it is how they introduced us to empathy about neurotypes, which was well-timed: around 10 years old was when i started having my life fully ruined by symptoms. people started noticing.

i wonder if birds can tell if another bird is odd. like the phrase odd duck. i have to believe that all odd ducks are still very much loved by the other normal ducks. i have to believe that, or i will cry.

i remember my 5th grade teacher holding the curious incident up, dazzled by the language written by someone who is neurotypical. my teacher said: "sometimes i want to cut open their mind to know exactly how autistics are thinking. it's just so different! they must see the world so strangely!" later, at 22, in my education classes, we were taught to say a person with autism or a person on the spectrum or neurodivergent. i actually personally kind of like person-first language - it implies the other person is trying to protect me from myself. i know they had to teach themselves that pattern of speech, is all, and it shows they're at least trying. and i was a person first, even if i wasn't good at it.

plants learn information. they must encode data somehow, but where would they store it? when you cut open a sapling, you cannot find the how they think - if they "think" at all. they learn, but do not think. i want to paint that process - i think it would be mostly purple and blue.

the book was not about me, it was about a young boy. his life was patterned into a different set of categories. he did not cry about the tag on his shirt. i remember reading it and saying to myself: i am wrong, and broken, but it isn't in this way. something else is wrong with me instead. later, in that same person-first education class, my teacher would bring up the curious incident and mention that it is now widely panned as being inaccurate and stereotypical. she frowned and said we might not know how a person with autism thinks, but it is unlikely to be expressed in that way. this book was written with the best intentions by a special-ed teacher, but there's some debate as to if somebody who was on the spectrum would be even able to write something like this.

we might not understand it, but crows and ravens have developed their own language. this is also true of whales, dolphins, and many other species. i do not know how a crow thinks, but we do know they can problem solve. (is "thinking" equal to "problem solving"? or is "thinking" data processing? data management?) i do not know how my dog thinks, either, but we "talk" all the same - i know what he is asking for, even if he only asks once.

i am not a dolphin or reindeer or a dog in the nighttime, but i am an odd duck. in the ugly duckling, she grows up and comes home and is beautiful and finds her soulmate. all that ugliness she experienced lives in downy feathers inside of her, staining everything a muted grey. she is beautiful eventually, though, so she is loved. they do not want to cut her open to see how she thinks.

a while ago i got into an argument with a classmate about that weird sia music video about autism. my classmate said she thought it was good to raise awareness. i told her they should have just hired someone else to do it. she said it's not fair to an autistic person to expect them to be able to handle that kind of a thing.

today i saw a goose, and he was limping. i want to be loved like a flock loves a wounded creature: the phrase taken under a wing. which is to say i have always known i am not normal. desperate, mewling - i want to be loved beyond words.

loved beyond thinking.

#spilled ink #writeblr #personal #please don't ask me to talk on my experience on the spectrum lol. i hate how ppl talk to me about it #i really try not to write so specifically about it #bc inevitably someone talks to me like im a child #i think this is the first time i've ever openly identified with it but i've been hinting for years #i might delete this. feels big. #the thing is that being on the spectrum actually IS a spectrum #and if u say ur autistic #inevitably someone makes an assumption about ur needs/symptoms #please do not treat me differently than u usually would. like.... we can tell when you do #and like i mention. i do appreciate the effort. i do truly appreciate the effort. #but it still feels like... #when i was blind. sometimes people kind of did the same-ish thing. #they'd find out i was blind and start talking really loudly? #and while i KNOW they're just trying to help. it would be like. i'd be trying to find #the right way into a building (sometimes only 1 door is unlocked and i couldn't see the signs posted about where to go) #and ppl would be like ''OH UR BLIND? YES SO THIS IS A DOOR. IT OPENS INTO THE BUILDING. IT IS LOCKED NOW." #''A DOOR CAN BE FOUND IN MANY LOCATIONS.'' #and it feels like. when i admit to being autistic #someone comes screeching into my life being like THIS IS A DOOR.

[buggachat]

“movie!adrien is just show!adrien but depressed” DO YOU GUYS NOT THINK SHOW!ADRIEN IS DEPRESSED??? 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱

#ml movie #ml movie spoilers #ml awakening #ml awakening spoilers #they show their symptoms differently but the fact he’s depressed is expected #apparently people think me criticizing movie!adrien is criticizing Adrien for being depressed #I cannot emphasize enough how much I like my Adriens depressed #cw depression

[will-pilled]

#“Disabled allies” when people with disabilities actually suffer and it's not just some kind of romanticized version with watered down #symptoms they see on TikTok and people with “bad” mental illness and disabilities more often than not actually need support and care #It's anti ableism until it's not convenient for them. #Leftist #Leftism #Bpd #Borderline #borderline personality disorder #schizophrenia #schizo spectrum #Actually autistic #Bipolar #Bipolar disorder #antisocial personality disorder #Narc abuse #Narc abuse isn't real #NPD #narcissistic personality disorder #Personality disorders #Mood disorders

[lazylittledragon]

Not trying to be rude or anything but you shouldn't use the word 'manic' or 'manic period' etc. unless you actually have manic/depressive episodes because it downplays how severe those disorders can actually be. They're just words but unlearning harmful terminology like that can help destigmatise mental illness and I would hope youi would want to do that.

yeah it's almost like i used those words specifically because i DO understand how severe they are

#ramble #what's that post about how some people only see ideologies and concepts and not human beings #yes we should stop throwing terminology around like nothing but also #that is not the biggest problem neurodivergent people have right now #and also you're asking me to disclose my conditions to strangers so you can decide how i'm allowed to speak #also this isn't the point but i don't know anybody who uses the word 'manic' to describe their symptoms unless they have FELT IT #because it's. so specific and you do not use it unless you know what it means #for me a manic phase doesn't mean just a little energy buzz it feels like i'm on fire #anyway please don't waste your time sending me things like this because i don't like it #go after etsy shops who sell ocd merchandise not people talking about their own struggles

[cams-cozy-corner]

Statement I feel needs to be said, headcanoning a character as an age regressor is NOT the same as infantilizing them

#fandom #fandom agere #sfw agere #sfw age dreamer #sfw age regression #sfw little blog #agere #saying this because ​I regress AND I’ve had a lot of people infantilize me as a real person and it’s not fun #genuinely ​infantilizing characters especially your trans queer introverted or autistic characters is a bad thing #age regression on the other hand is a symptom and or coping mechanism for people #okay that’s it bye

[black-quadrant]

ADHD isn't silly or quirky. it can hinder productivity, create a cycle of overcommitting and overextending to keep up with life, can give rise to feelings of guilt for things like resting and overall impacts relationship health (just to name a few). it's hard to manage and it's miserable.

#I make fun and light of it to cope because I do have it. people who don't #do your research #talk to your ADHD loved ones and lay off the jokes #it's rude and mean and makes you look that much more insensitive and uneducated. it's not cute. help us out. #adhd #there's so many symptoms that are hard to manage on the daily #and it's a whole other level if you've got other conditions mental illness or trauma

[sonknuxadow]

i don't really care if people like sonics characterization in sonic prime or not but it does bother me a little seeing people call him stupid annoying etc in like a hateful way.. because the moments that get him called that are moments that made me go Oh he has adhd :) and then i go online and see a bunch of people go Wowww he's such a fucking idiot. What a dumbass. Literally the most annoying character ever written. and im just like. ohhh ok . i see how it is then

#how come the sonic fandom labels sonic as like an adhd icon or whatever #but as soon as he starts actually acting like he has adhd beyond the stereotypical haha funny hyperactive hedgehog stuff #then they get mad and call him annoying #is it perhaps because you dont actually like adhd/autistic people . #and you can only tolerate us when we're showing the funny/quirky symptoms and nothing else

[nuzzle]

normies that say “the intrusive thoughts won 🤪” in reaction to some perfectly socially acceptable and mildly quirky situation would have me not only institutionalized but locked behind a series of doors and perhaps thrown into an inescapable labyrinth with the minotaur never again to be seen by the world if they knew what my ocd made me think

#seeing people saying this about dying their hair or getting a haircut is like. Are you serious #hate that wretched emoji but it was necessary for characterization #and not trying to be all ‘Welcome To My Twisted Mind’ by saying this but it’s insulting inappropriate and harmful to misuse a term #that genuinely mentally ill people identify with and use to describe a symptom of ocd that they struggle deeply with #far too many people need to be educated on the difference between impulsive and intrusive thoughts #ocd #intrusive thoughts

[sepulchritude]

Network Effect is killinggggg meeeee 😭 I stayed up late to find out if ART was still alive and now murderbot is pissed at it “because it endangered mb’s humans” but really because it was scared 😭 it thought its only remaining friend was dead just like mikki (and we know how well it handled that) and it’s still brand new to being a person and it doesn’t know how to handle these stupid emotions like grief and loss so it’s taking the whiplash and turning that into anger at being tricked so it doesn’t have to deal with it

And then on the other hand ART knew it was going to be killed and enacted a last ditch plan to get murderbot involved because it trusted mb to save it and it worked but now its only friend in the entire universe is pissed at it and neither of them is capable of understanding why!!

I’m not even halfway through the book 😭😭😭

#help they’re people and they don’t know how to deal with it 😫 the universal symptom of being a person 🥺 #i’m losing my mind #murderbot #network effect #network effect spoilers #sepulchritudinous

[uncanny-tranny]

I think it would really benefit people to internalize that mental illnesses are often chronic and not acute. Some of us will never be able to jump the hurdle of managing illness, much less sustaining a sense of normalcy. Many of us will never "recover," will never manage symptoms, will never even come close to appearing normal - and this is for any condition, even the ones labeled as "simple" disorders or "easy-to-manage" disorders.

It isn't a failure if you cannot manage your symptoms. It isn't a moral failure, and you aren't an awful person. You are human. There's only so much you can do before recognizing that you cannot lift the world. Give yourself the space to be ill because, functionally, you are.

#mental health #mental health advocacy #like... anxiety and depression are often concieved of as simple and easy to manage... #...but that isn't the case for so many of us. anxiety and depression just have a lot more research invested into them... #...and while i wish this were the case for literally every other condition it does alter people's perception of you to some extent... #...so while this is NOT solely about anxiety or depression it includes us... #...my anxiety and depression and PTSD have *destroyed* my life. this is chronic and will probably be life-long... #...and that isn't my fault. i've done the fucking work but guess what? that doesn't account for the fact that I Am Just ILL #the least we can do for each other is to be compassionate #be compassionate to those who cannot heal. be compassionate to the people who can't manage their lives. this world is scary enough #recognize that management of symptoms is something not all of us can do - even IF their condition is labeled as 'easy to manage' #i allowed myself to feel angry that i can't heal 'normally' and that was unfair as fuck toward myself #and i NEED people to internalize this so that MAYBE this could help somebody else who is where i was #i NEED them to understand that it's okay that they are where they are - sometimes shit just doesn't turn out how you expect or want #don't beat yourself over you being a person. you are struggling enough. you deserve to rest. just rest please #and just... give yourself space

[inkskinned]

you wanted to be a good friend, because you loved your friends, but the truth was that everyone else somehow had a pamphlet on being normal that you never received. most of the time you learn by trial-and-error. you are terrified of the next big mistake you make, because it seems like the rules are completely arbitrary.

you've learned to keep the prickly parts of your personality in a stormcloud under your bed - as if they're a second version of you; one that will make your friends hate you. it feels feral, burning, ugly.

instead, you have assembled habits based on the statistical likelihood of pleasing others. you're a good listener, which is to say - if you do speak up, you might end up saying the wrong thing and scaring off someone, but people tend to like someone-who-listens. or you've got no true desires or goals, because people like it when you're passive, mutable. you're "not easy to fluster" which is to say - your emotions are fundamentally uninteresting to others around you; so you've learned to control them to a degree that you can no longer really feel them happening.

you have long suspected something is wrong with you, but most of the time, googling doesn't help. you are so-used to helping-yourself, alone and with no handbook. the reek of your real self feels more like a horrible joke - you wake up, and, despite all your preparations, suddenly the whole house is full of smoke. the real you is someone waiting to ruin your other-life, the one where you're normal and happy. the real-self is unpredictable, angry.

your real self snarls when people infantilize the whole situation. because if you were really suffering, everyone seems to think you'd be completely unable to cope. but you already learned the rules, so you do know how to cope, and you have fucking been coping. it's not black-and-white. it's not that you are healed during the other times - it's just that you're able to fucking try. and honestly, whenever you show symptoms, it's a really fucking bad sign.

because the symptoms you have are ugly and unmanageable for others. your symptoms aren't waifish white girl things. they're annoying and complicated. they will be the subject of so many pretentious instagram reels. if they cared about you, they'd just show up on time. you care, a lot, so deeply it burns you. you like to picture a world where the comments read if they loved you, they'd never need glasses to see. but since that's a rule you've seen repeated - "one must never be late or you are a bad friend" - you constantly worry about being late and leave agonizingly early. there are no words for how you feel when you're still late; no matter how hard you were trying.

so you have to make up for it. you have to make up for that little horrible real you that you keep locked in a cabinet. you are bad at answering emails so every project you make has to be perfect. you are weird and sensitive so you have to learn to be funny and interesting. you are an inconvenience to others, so you become as smooth as possible, buffing out all the rough parts.

all this. all this. so people can pass their hands over you and just tell you just the once -how good you are. you're a good friend. you're loveable.

#spilled ink #woke up at 530 to write this lmafo #me in a cold sweat: #how do i be normal #edit in the tags: #hey so i've seen y'all talk about like ... wondering if ur ''allowed'' to relate #like if this is about X specific diagnosis #and when i first posted it i really almost labelled it ''please don't assume this is about a specific condition'' #because as an artist i am often walking this line of discussing a symptom or discussing my conditions etc #and sometimes yes ! i do want to talk about an experience that is specific to who i am and my condition #but sometimes the effort of the post is about the EXPERIENCE rather than the diagnosis #because yes i am not neurotypical and as a result that influences my work but it is ALSO true that there are many reasons #why someone might experience this particular vague horrible feeling that you are... almost being CHASED by what you ''really'' are. #that you're outrunning your symptoms... that you're not really normal you're just sort of a mockery of a person #.... that's a really isolating and horrible way to feel no matter why you are feeling it. and the nature of this PARTICULAR post is that #it is inherently talking ABOUT that sense of isolation & of feeling not-deserving & of minimizing your own experiences to make urself #palatable for society in a way that others find easy-to-deal-with.... #this post is about a certain experience such that my impression is there's a higher likelihood that those who relate #would have more difficulty thinking they ''deserve'' to relate - that it doesn't REALLY belong to them #bc often we are the kind of people who are SO used to being alienated and set aside and ''different'' that we AUTOMATICALLY assume #that things are not ''for'' us... they never have been why would it start now #we are the kinds of people to be ... ''too normal for X diagnosis but too symptomatic to be normal'' #[or as this post points out... so good at ''coping''/masking/hiding it that we essentially conform to whatever shape we're poured into] #but i have witnessed others already say in the tags ''thought this was about me but it's about X so it can't be'' #and im like ... of course it was about you. #art is not a resource that is diminished by greater appreciation . #you reflect in whatever mirror fits your frame. not just the ones in your bedroom. not just the ones i specifically give you. #there will be - and often are - times that i will talk about my specific conditions... but if you're reading this #regardless of why you're here... we are here together. holding hands through space and time. and i love you for carrying it #and i know you're exhausted. i am too. but i understand. and i see you.

[certifiedceliac]

So little thing that I learned recently; under the FDA, drug manufacturers are not required to disclose presence of major allergens in their products. While most medications do not contain gluten-containing ingredients, if you have any food allergy you need to make sure it's on file with your pharmacy, and speak with your pharmacist to find out how they flag for allergens in their system. Sometimes you may need to contact the manufacturer--if so, have the drug NDC (National Drug Code)# on hand, as they often need that to look it up. You can get this information (as well as manufactuer name) from your pharmacy.

#most manufacturers will say they are not made with gluten ingredients but not tested #food allergies #drug allergies #info #celiac disease #celiac #coeliac #this post brought to you by me finding out my beta blocker might have been low key poisoning me over the past year #while it isnt likely and it may be less than 20ppm for some people thats still enough to trigger symptoms or your immune system

[swordsonnet]

lately, i've seen more people in the online autistic community acknowledging the struggles of people with higher support needs, which is of course an important development. but for some, that seems to come with the implicit assumption that low needs autistics "have it easy" or experience no stigma at all, which is just wrong??? people with low support needs are still disabled by their autism and still face discrimination because of it. sure, they are impaired to a lesser degree than those with higher support needs, but that doesn't mean you can just erase their struggles, y'know?

#sometimes i see posts that are like 'its unfair to say that autistic people have it easy and arent really disabled...' and go yes! exactly! #but then they'll continue like '...because not all autistic people have low support needs' #and i'm like. okay nevermind you dont understand this at all #i have comparatively mild autism (was diagnosed with aspergers back when that was still a thing) #and my autism has still significantly impacted and impaired my life #i think its important to acknowledge the huge range of experiences in the autistic community #and that many others have struggled much more than me #but that doesnt mean its all easy breezy for me and other lsn autistics yknow? #(i guess i would technically be considered medium support needs or something but that's because of my chronic illness not my autism) #i wish people would just. like. listen to other peoples experiences before just assuming that they know everything about their lives #ofc a huge part of this is also some lsn autistics distancing themselves from hsn people and pretending that they're not actually disabled #but not every lsn autistic is like that. and even the ones that are are usually (consciously or unconsciously) downplaying their symptoms #autism #actually autistic #actuallyautistic #this isn't really about the post i just reblogged btw it just reminded me of it #because some of the notes on it went in that direction

[neurotypical-sonic]

sonic is NOT dumb or stupid or a dingus just because he's impulsive. stop calling him an idiot

#like i get. i love to call him a dumbass and how theres not a thought in his head #but ive seen people say he has a character is an idiot. people can mess up and do stupid stuff without it being their whole character #people know that right #also not to be like whatever however it's interesting to me how youll see someone display symptoms of adhd #and call them stupid for it #ughhhh delete later maybe i jist woke up and im in a bad mood #egg.txt

[magnetothemagnificent]

Non-ADHD and non-autistic disabled people whose only idea of ADHD and autistic people is shaped by media depictions of a nerdy white boy or a quirky goth girl with low support needs: "Yeah ADHD and autism are destigmatized and we should ignore people with ADHD and autism in favor of real disabilities. I am very smart and progressive."

Lateral prejudice towards other disabled people will get us nowhere.

#actually disabled #ableism #lateral ableism #autistic people face disproportional police violence #especially if they're not white #I know people who have been severely hurt socially financially and mentally because of their adhd and/or autism #there's a literal anti-vax movement of people who think autism is worse than polio and measles and shit #adhd and autism are not destigmatized #just because a handfull of privileged adhd and/or autistic people managed to succeed and mask very well #doesn't mean that's the majority of the adhd and/or autistic experience #there's a reason autism was classed as a schizophrenic disorder for a long time #because the outward symptoms of autism and schizophrenia can be very similar #parents of adhd and autistic kids talk openly about wanting to murder their children and some even succeed in doing so #and people sympathize with them #autism and adhd can manifest in auditory processing disorders and communication disorders #which to a non-professional appear indistinguishable from physical hearing impairements and neurological disabilities #adhd symptoms can be so similar to brain cancer that I know someone who died because his cancer was caught so late #actually autistic