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seokgyuu · 3 months

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What could be worse than a valentine’s day alone? Exactly, a valentine’s day spent with your academic rival, Jeon Wonwoo, stuck in the home eco’s kitchen because you were both sentenced to take over the cookie baking for this season’s day of love.

pairing: wonwoo x fem!reader

genre: academic rivals to lovers, smut, heart wrenching and tooth rotting fluff (wonwoo is down bad bad)

warnings: sexual content, smut warnings under cut! wonwoo is a little bit mean? but like not too mean? she’s also kinda mean. but they are in love! promise.

word count: 5k

a/n: hi everyone!! this is part of the cupids collab hosted by the wonderful @wongyuseokie for @svthub! this work is dedicated to the wonderful, the lovely, the hilarious @highvern! i hope you like it, babes!! sending you loads of love this valentine's day and thousands of kisses, mwah! i had loads of fun writing this and am happy to be a part of this collab, hehe. also thank you @ourdawnishotterthanourday for betaing, ily! <3

“I’m giving you one chance to get out of here,” you say, holding open the door. Wonwoo doesn’t move. “Who says I’m the one who has to go? You’re obviously the worse baker.” Oh, he is truly playing with you right now. You let the door fall shut, eyes squeezed as you stare at him. “Fine. Then it’ll be me and you, buddy.” “I guess so,” he pauses, eyebrow raising, “and I’m not your buddy.”

smut warnings: minimal degradation (usage of the word “slut”), praising, pet names (princess, sweetheart, darling, pretty girl) oral (f. receiving), begging, softdom!wonwoo, unprotected sex (you know the drill - wrap it before you tap it, folks!), creampie (get it… cream…pie? cookies & cre- ok i’m sorry).

There are approximately seven thousand three hundred and twenty eight places you would rather be than here.

Nothing has helped you get out of this unfortunate situation. No pleading, no begging, not even wanting to send Seungkwan in your stead. Professor Yoon had been adamant in his decision to send you and him to this god forsaken home eco kitchen to bake the badge of cookies for the Valentine’s day sale.

“It’s not even a real holiday!” you had whined to Seungkwan, “if it were, we wouldn’t even be at class in the first place!”

All your best friend did was rub your back and tell you it was all gonna be fine, all while writing a text to Vernon on his phone in his other hand. He was used to your antics when it came to Jeon Wonwoo. Everyone was, at this point. Both of you had not made it hard to get used to - just by the amount of times you had decided to fight and dive right into rivalry when there was no reason to. Perhaps, he thought, it wasn’t even a bad idea to put you two in one room together for several hours with no one else. It could give you time to talk out your differences. Call for a truce. Screw the anger out of each other. Anything that would make Seungkwan’s life easier.

That day comes sooner than you wanted it to, and while your hand lays on the handle of the car door, you feel the uneasiness inside you raise.

“I can’t do this, Seungkwan. One of us is gonna end up dead.”

“Yeah, my money’s on Wonwoo. Please don’t disappoint me.” Seungkwan hums back, hands on the steering wheel and his eyebrows raised. You turn around, your mouth slightly agape before scoffing and opening the door.

“Pick me up at 4?” you ask and your best friend nods, waving at you once the door is closed. He truly hopes neither of you ends up dead (but if push comes to shove, obviously Wonwoo because then Vernon would owe him 5 bucks).

Professor Yoon had told you that all necessities would be at the university and that you wouldn’t have to bring anything except for a good mood, something you didn’t dare to say was impossible in the given situation.

You aren’t stupid (Wonwoo would beg to differ), you are well aware that your professor is trying to end whatever war you and Wonwoo have going on by pairing you up for this. And while you get the sentiment and might even appreciate it a little - you’re more than sure that nothing will ever come out of this - Wonwoo and you despise each other. It has been like this since your first semester and it most definitely wasn’t going to change over something as trivial as baking cookies together.

The home eco’s kitchen is in the basement of the economics building and you are happy to notice you’re the first to arrive. Smiling to yourself, you fish the key to the room out of your bag and unlock the door, walking in and turning on the lights.

The kitchen is spacious and modern, everything is made out of gray steel, with a few dark wood accents on the cupboards. You spot the boxes with ingredients on the island, and place your bag next to it before unpacking the things provided for you and Wonwoo. It becomes your mission to arrange the cookbook with the recipe in the center of the right side of the island, gathering all the needed ingredients around it in the order you would need it. Then, you search the cupboards for a big bowl, wooden spoon and a mixer.

You have gathered almost everything except for the mixer, spotting it in one of the higher cupboards you most definitely can’t reach without some sort of help. Biting down on your lip and gnawing on it, you look around the room, coming up empty. There are chairs in the room next to the kitchen, but you don’t have the key for it. With a sigh, you stretch yourself as much as you possibly can, hand reaching for the kitchen gadget - with no luck. Just when you’re about to climb on top of the counter, you feel something shift behind you, a body suddenly pressed against yours and an arm reaching up to grab the mixer for you without any trouble at all.

Wonwoo. Your body stiffens at his touch and only relaxes once he backs off, putting the mixer down next to the other stuff. Immediately you turn around, your eyes glaring at him.

“Someone decided to show up, after all.” You spit at him and he rolls his eyes.

“I was forced, if you must know.” He says not even looking at you. His eyes are focused on the ingredients on the counter, his lips slowly drawing into a smug smile.

“Control freak much?”

Your head burns and you scoff, walking over to the door and feeling his eyes on you as you move.

“I’m giving you one chance to get out of here,” you say, holding open the door. Wonwoo doesn’t move.

“Who says I’m the one who has to go? You’re obviously the worse baker.”

Oh, he is truly playing with you right now. You let the door fall shut, eyes squeezed as you stare at him.

“Fine. Then it’ll be me and you, buddy.”

“I guess so,” he pauses, eyebrow raising, “and I’m not your buddy.”

For the most part the two of you are quiet. Mainly because you don’t have anything to say to each other. You split the ingredients evenly (either one of you starting with their own batch since there is a whole lot of cookies to bake) and begin working on opposite ends of the kitchen. You get through the first batch without so much as exchanging looks. You do your thing and he does his. Only, when you get the first batch out, you ask him to hand you the oven mittens, which he does without any fuss. You’re surprised but don’t say it.

It’s when the both of you start to work on your second batches that things… change.

You hate to admit the tension in the room. In fact, you’ve been hating it since the first day you’ve met him. It’s a shame he’s so hot when he’s the absolute bane of your existence. Your friends (mainly Seungkwan, really) tease you about your obvious attraction to the man you call your archnemesis every chance they get, causing you to flip them off, or scoff, or just roll your eyes at how extremely wrong they are. If you could change it, you would! Finding him attractive whilst hating him truly is exhausting.

Slowly, you let yourself turn around in hopes he doesn’t notice. Thankfully, he is entirely focused on sprinkling chocolate chips into the cookies - white chocolate chips. You let out a gasp and your wooden spoon falls onto the top of the counter you’re working on.

“That’s cheating!” You shout, pointing at the package of sweets that he so obviously brought himself. What a jerk!

Not even looking at you, Wonwoo chuckles at your words, placing the chocolate chips next to him and wiping his hands on the apron he had put on earlier. Then, he turns to you, hip leaning against the counter, arms crossed and his eyebrows raised as he smirks like the douchebag you know he is.

“Cheating, yeah?” He repeats, licking his lips, “not sure it counts as cheating when it was clear from the beginning I would make better cookies, sweetheart.”

His condescending way of talking to you has always succeeded in making your blood boil, just like right now. You scoff, shaking your head and cleaning your own hands with a kitchen towel to your left.

“You know, considering these are for the day of love it is quite ironic Professor Yoon paired me with you, the person I hate the most.” You present Wonwoo with a honey dripping smile that couldn’t be more fake. Wonwoo doesn’t waver though. He just continues to smirk, his eyebrows shooting up even more, and before you know it he starts walking towards you, a click of his tongue almost making you flinch.

“See, love and hate are like siblings. While on the surface they couldn’t be more different, in their core they are irritatingly similar,” his voice is deep and his eyes are right there on yours and somehow you feel like he has taken away your ability to breathe. What the hell is he doing?

“You were always fascinating to me, darling. Always so sure of your opinion, never wavering. That first day we met, do you remember? How you were on my ass for the rest of the day because Professor Cha liked my answer better than yours?”

“He did not!” You shoot back, surprised by your own whiny tone. Looking at Wonwoo’s face, the defined jawline and cheekbones, the round specs on top of his nose and the brown soft curls falling into his forehead, you immediately regret speaking up at all. There is something in his eyes now, something you have never seen before - at least not on him. Something inside of him shifted, like a switch that had been flipped, and the way he looks at you makes all of your skin erupt in goosebumps.

“Ah, so I imagined things?” Wonwoo only so much as whispers, his large frame coming even closer, “Are you saying I’m a liar, pretty girl?”

Pretty girl. What the fuck? Your eyes widen and you feel your throat closing up. Absolutely not, you could not freeze right now! He was testing you, seeing how far he could go before you actually fell for whatever he was trying to do. Gathering all your confidence, you bring your hands up to place them on his chest and softly push him away. It gives you extreme satisfaction when you see the surprise on his face.

“And if I am? What are you going to do about it, Wonwoo?” Your smile turns smug and the little vein on Wonwoo’s forehead pops out just slightly. About to retrieve your arms, you are met with his hands around your wrists and his body even closer to yours.

To say he catches you by surprise would be an understatement. Your lower back is pressed against the counter, your hands in his grip and your lungs missing the necessary air to not get dizzy. Why does he smell so good? You catch yourself thinking thoughts you normally would try to suppress at any given time - especially when Wonwoo is right in front of you. This time, though, there is no escaping. Not with him so close, not with him staring right into your soul.

“I have learned one thing over the years we’ve known each other, Y/N,” he breathes, eyes not leaving your face, “you can be a real fucking brat.”

The gasp you want to let out gets stuck in your throat. Instead, something like a choke comes out, something that makes Wonwoo smirk and your legs weak.

“You really think you’re sly. Do you honestly believe I don’t know how attractive you find me? How you need to look away everytime I come in wearing tighter shirts or pants that hang low enough to see the waistband of my underwear? You always try to act like you hate me and, you know what, maybe you do, but what I said earlier isn’t wrong, darling, love and hate are like yin and yang - they can’t exist without the other.”

He has your wrists in a strong grip and his lower body is now pressed against yours, something you never realized you craved. Feeling his growing erection against you, knowing he is turned on by you, by the situation, you feel like your head is about to explode.

“So, what if I tell you that maybe I don’t actually hate you, but I actually find you attractive as well? What if I tell you nine out of ten times I want to shut your annoying mouth up by shoving my cock right down your tight throat? Or how whenever you bend over your desk to tell someone something you, of course, know better than them, I want to take you just like that and make everyone see just how much of a desperate pretty slut you actually are?”

You’re done for. With every word he’s saying, you can feel yourself actually becoming what he says you are. Desperate. The heat between your legs has turned into liquid in your panties, has turned into your heart beating at triple speed.

“Y-You can’t just say that!” You stutter, knowing full well he will just laugh at you. And he does. He laughs and he throws his head back and then he looks at you again, his eyes glinting with want that only gets emphasized by the hard cock pressing against you.

“Oh, sweet, sweet baby. Of course, I can,” he hums, finally letting go of one of your wrists to carefully tug a strand of hair behind your ear, “you’re so beautiful, especially when you’re flustered.”

He must be playing with you. It has to be one of his games. He wants you to give in, wants you to fall for this only to hold it over your head for the rest of your college life. His mixture of dominance and sweetness is about to give you whiplash, especially when he begins to caress your cheek and leans down, his breath hitting your cheek.

“We need to finish those cookies, Wonwoo.” The words are whispered and almost inaudible, but he hears you and he smiles.

“We’re alone in this basement, sweetheart. We’ve got all day to finish those cookies.” His hand wanders down, finding its place on your hip. You shiver slightly, your gaze flickering between his eyes and his lips and when his nose bumps against yours, something tells you that maybe he is serious.

When he kisses you, you figure that something is correct. What’s supposed to start soft turns into something deep, and hot, and uncontrolled, right off the bat. Kissing Wonwoo feels like the only thing you had ever missed out on in life and now you finally got the chance to take what belongs to you. His lips are soft and his tongue is warm, pressing against yours and entangling it in a dance of fire. Your hands are in his hair and his are on your hips and you’re sitting on top of the counter with all of your ingredients pushed to the side, your wooden spoon falling to the floor when Wonwoo lifts you up.

As if on instinct, your legs wrap around him and you moan against his lips when his hands move up, groping your breasts through your shirt. He licks into your mouth, your fingers digging into his nape, nails dragging along his skin.

If you could see into Wonwoo’s brain you might have gotten scared. Not because he’s thinking actual scary thoughts but because of how many times he has imagined this. You’re always there, somewhere in his brain, your smile, your eyes, your laugh. And when he’s alone and can’t sleep you’re there too, but this time it’s how he thinks you’d sound when he’s inside of you, when he sucks on your neck and squeezes your tits. There hasn’t been a day since he met you that he hadn’t thought about you.

It’s a shame you immediately called him out to be your academic rival on that day because all Wonwoo wanted to do back then was to make you his girlfriend, basically falling in love with you at first sight. As cliché as it sounds, it’s even more cliché considering he just played along with you, acting like he hated you, riling you up during class in ways he would rather switch for moments like this one right now.

Never had he imagined he’d get you alone, especially considering how good you are at avoiding him. But when Professor Yoon had asked him to bake the cookies for the Valentine’s day sale - he couldn’t help but suggest you as his partner. Hours would be spent together in a kitchen, hours you had to spend with him.

He loves how right he was. How right he was about you giving in, about you finding him hot, about you wanting him. He loves the sounds you make when he begins kissing down your neck and when his hand wanders under your shirt and shoves away your bra to touch the breasts he had been dreaming about. He sucks marks onto your neck and feels himself grow harder with every passing second. There is nowhere on this earth he’d rather be than right here, between your legs.

“Been dying to do this, you know?” He mumbles against your neck, licking up to your earlobe and twitching in his pants when he feels you shivering under his touch.

“R-Really?” You whimper back and Wonwoo nods, both hands moving to your cheeks, lips back on yours in a heated, passionate kiss. He thinks that nothing will ever feel as good as kissing you.

“Yeah, baby, wanted to kiss you forever, fuck,” he moans when your fingers move underneath his shirt, when you touch his bare skin and all of him begins to burn.

“Wanted to touch you, taste you.” His words echo in your mind and you open your eyes, a horny daze in them that makes Wonwoo question his sanity. He moves down now, kissing your neck again and shoving your shirt up to kiss your stomach and breasts over your bra, nimble fingers opening the apron you had laced around your hips earlier.

“Can I taste you, pretty girl?” He asks then and you think you nod, at least you want to nod, but your head is clouded and you feel like you’re about to pass out. When he moves to get the apron off of you, focussing on opening your pants next, you figure you did in the end.

Having you half naked in front of him makes Wonwoo feel like he has reached the gates of heaven. Your pants are on the floor and your chest is heaving, eyes glossy as you watch Wonwoo move to the floor, his tall body still reaching the top of the counter when he kneels in front of you. He moves his arms, wrapping them around your thighs and pulling you closer, his nose tapping against your sensitive core the next second. With a gasp, your hands reach for his head of hair, grounding yourself in it as you stare down at the way he eyes your pussy as if he had never seen anything more delicious in his life.

When he moves your panties to the side, his finger softly gliding over your folds, you feel yourself shiver once more. You let out another whimper, biting down on your lip that feels hot and a little bruised after the way Wonwoo had kissed you.

“God, I can’t even tell you how many nights I’ve dreamt of this moment.” He kisses the inside of your thighs, making you moan quietly, fingers coating themselves in your juices, ready to please you.

Watching him is messing with your head in the best way possible. The way he looks at you, so full of endearment and adoration. How he touches you as if you’d break if he touched you too vehemently. He lets his tongue glide over your skin, moving until it reaches your dripping cunt, licking over your lips, tasting you for the first time. The moan he lets out has you digging your nails into his scalp, mouth dropped as you continue to stare down, continue to watch Wonwoo, your archnemesis, begin to devour your pussy like a Michelin star dish.

He starts off slow, licking over your folds, not touching your clit even once. If he died right now, he’d be content. Tasting you, hearing your sounds when you’re aroused, him being the cause of it - it’s almost all of his dreams coming true. His fingers move, one of them circling your entrance, your whines growing louder by the second. You want his fingers inside of you, you need them inside of you. Wiggling your hips against him, Wonwoo chuckles at your antics and finally moves his finger, inch by inch sinking into your needy hole, your eyes squeezing shut as you clench around him.

“So, so eager, princess,” he mumbles against your pussy, another breathy laugh causing you to thrust forward, his finger now completely inside of you. And, fuck, do you feel wonderful. So much better than anything Wonwoo had experienced before, better than anything he could have imagined. Perhaps, he figures, it’s because it’s you.

Next thing you know, Wonwoo’s lips are around your clit, sucking it into his mouth, tongue flicking against it and leaving you to moan his name time and time again. Your hips move against him and he lets you, his cock straining against his pants in desperate need for attention. But not yet, he isn’t done with you. First, you’d have to come undone on his tongue and his fingers, first you had to scream his name as you experienced complete and utter satisfaction. Wonwoo does everything in his power for that to happen. He adds another finger and fucks you open, his long fingers meeting your sweet spot with every thrust as if he had studied your body for hundreds of hours. His tongue does the work of a god, his lips kiss you like you had never known you needed to be kissed, especially down there.

“D-Don’t stop! Oh, fuck, Wonwoo!” You cry out, your head thrown back as you focus on nothing but your pleasure, on how he feels on your pussy, how it all is too much and yet not enough. You think about what’s to come, about how he will fuck you next, will sink into you with his cock, will make you feel like you’re the most precious woman on this planet. Even more than he already does. Your high is nearing, it’s so close you can feel it right there in front of you, that tight knot in your stomach about to break free and give you one of the most intense orgasms of your life.

“Cum for me, baby. Fuck, I want you to cum on my tongue.” Wonwoo’s words are like magic, like a spell that he puts on you. A lewd whine escapes your throat and you do as he wishes, cumming all over his tongue and fingers, your juices drenching his face. He lets you ride out your orgasm on his face, anticipation filling him when he finally parts from you.

Immediately, you pull down to kiss him when he stands. Tasting yourself on his lips with your hands opening his apron and getting it off his tall frame with his help, you can’t wait to get even closer to him. You slip out of your panties with his lips steadily on yours, a faint sound in your ears when they hit the floor.

“Need you so bad, Wonwoo, please hurry,” you cry out and he laughs, kissing your neck and your cheek, his hands opening his belt, zipper and button, shoving his pants down only for you to gasp at the sheer size of his bulge. He grins, hands back on your face to make sure you’re looking at him.

“Naughty, aren’t you? My perfect, pretty slut,” he kisses your lips again and your eyes roll back, your pussy throbbing in want. And obviously he knows how much you want him - he wants you just the same. As he continues to kiss you, he moves to pull his briefs down, his hard erection springing free, angry tip red and smeared with pre, oh-so ready to sink into your warm embrace. You part from him, eyes now setting on his cock, your mouth watering at the sight.

“Fuck, you’re big,” you say, swallowing down the saliva pooling in your mouth. Wonwoo only grins wider, his big hands finding purchase on your hips as he leans down again.

“Beg a little for it, baby, and you might get it.” You shiver and bite down on your lip, your hands wandering over his still clothed torso and down to his cock, slowly wrapping your hand around it.

“Please, Wonwoo, please fuck me…,” is your whispered plead, and the man standing in between your legs groans against your neck, sucking yet another mark into your delicate skin before nodding and grabbing his cock out of your hand, lining it up perfectly with your entrance and slowly sinking in.

His forehead is leaned against yours when he bottoms out and his hands caress your head, coming to a stop on your nape.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he mumbles, kissing the tip of your nose and you smile, giving the tip of his nose a kiss back. Then, he parts from you and the look in his eyes changes from soft to dark. He does his first thrust, catching you off guard, a loud moan escaping you. Your hands grab onto his shoulders as he continues his thrusts, fucking you deep and hard, his eyes focused on your face that contours in absolute bliss. When he said you’re beautiful, he meant it.

He is holding onto your hips again, pulling you as close to him as he can, his hips chasing yours, his cock in the deepest bits of your pussy, your gummy walls squeezing him for his pleasure. There is nothing you can do besides begging him to go faster, begging him to not ever stop and crying his name when he leans down to suck on your hard nipple over your shirt.

“Wonwoo! Fuck!” You clench over and over again, stars dancing in front of your eyes accompanied by beautiful lights that slowly but surely turn into fireworks. With every thrust of his hips, you feel yourself coming closer to the edge again. You want him to fill you, want him to claim you as his, make you feel full of him and only him. Nails are digging into his shoulders, your head falling back against the kitchen cabinet, his groans and the beautiful sound of your name coming out of his mouth chasing you off the cliff and into the warm waters of yet another intense orgasm.

“Don’t stop, don’t fucking stop, oh- Wonwoo!” It’s done, you are done, your climax hitting you hard and making you gush all over his length that is still so deeply buried inside your sensitive cunt. Wonwoo moans, feeling your pussy clench around him, squeeze him, beg him to cum, to decorate you in his shades of white. And he wants to, god, there is nothing he had ever wanted more. His breathing becomes labored and he leans forward, engulfing you in yet another heated kiss, one arm wrapped around you, the other letting its hand rest on your cheek, thumb caressing your chin as his tongue flicks against yours over and over, mixed with his breathless moans.

When you squeeze him the next time, he erupts. He moans your name, hips becoming frantic as he shoots his load into you, spurts of white and hot cum filling your spent pussy, your and his combined releases dripping down your thighs even as he fucks his cum so, so deep into you.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he pants against your mouth, continuing to kiss you right after, riding out his orgasm and only stopping when you’re both completely out of breath.

It’s silent for a few moments, the only thing audible your almost synchronized breathing. Your hands are still on his shoulders, his hands are still on your waist and your cheek. His face is buried in the crook of your neck and he softly kisses your sweaty skin, nothing but pure happiness running through him at this point. He softly caresses your face as he leans back again, his eyes searching for yours.

“Y/N,” he then breathes, a small and maybe even shy smile playing on his lips.

“Wonwoo,” you sigh back, pulling him into a hug that he accepts with a laugh, both his arms now fully wrapped around your body. He’s still inside of you and only leaves you when you part from the hug, more of his release now dripping out of your core. He doesn’t ask whether you’re on birth control because for all he cares he would love to have you pregnant with his child. The thought alone makes his head spin.

“Well,” he begins, a smug smile on his face as he leans down to pick up your panties, “that definitely gives ‘cookies and cream’ a different meaning.”

You stare at him, slightly bewildered, for around three seconds before you burst into laughter, grabbing your underwear from him and jumping back onto your shaky feet. “You’re horrible,” you say and shake your head and Wonwoo’s smile grows even wider.

“Maybe. But I promise you, sweetheart, I’ll never ever be horrible to you again.”

“Oh, we’ll see about that, Mr. Know-It-All,” you smile and give his cheek a peck that he reacts to by turning bright red.

It is in that exact moment you realize Wonwoo was never your archnemesis. Nor has he ever been as much of an ass as you had made him out to be. Jeon Wonwoo is nothing but a loser who’s been in love with you since the very first day you met him, and perhaps you had always known. Perhaps you finally let yourself realize right now, the moment after he had cum inside of you and still blushes like a little kid when you kiss his cheek, that the only reason you had chosen him to be your rival was to run away from how much you knew you’d fall for him if you didn’t.

“Come on, let’s do what we actually came here for.”

And for the rest of the day you and Wonwoo bake the cookies for the sale and talk about what your plans are for Valentine’s. To no surprise those plans immediately involve hanging out together. Maybe, you think, to give ‘cookies and cream’ that new meaning over and over again.

1K notes · View notes

nolita-fairytale · 1 year

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j is for james beard... and for jealousy | carmen 'carmy' berzatto x fem!reader

pairing: jealous boyfriend!carmy x female!reader

word count: 7.4k

summary: after sydney takes home a big win at the james beard awards, you and your boyfriend carmy run into an old rival for a fiery, chaotic, and surprisingly sexy night. companion piece to 'make my heart surrender' but can be read as a standalone oneshot.

warnings: 18+ chapter, minors dni: lots of swearing, p*rn with a plot, smut, p in v unprotected sex (reader is using hormonal birth control in monogamous relationship), praise kink, rough jealousy sex

a/n: how dare I drag poor james beard into this hetero nonsense?! anywayssss surprise i'm back because i keep having ideas for these two. maybe one day i'll just write a carmy x reader piece that doesn't include this character but for now... please enjoy this literal porn with a plot. also: let's all agree that toxic jealousy is a red flag in relationships, however, i wanted to work with a scenario where carmy would perhaps be more sexually assertive.

“I look ridiculous,” Carmy had grumbled earlier that day, at his reflection in the mirror.

He had never felt like himself while wearing a suit. Sure, he would spend time, effort, and money into finding the perfect vintage denim jacket, but a suit? He’d much rather be behind the scenes, in his chef whites, instead of this.

“You look…” you’d countered him, emphasizing the word ‘look’. “...hot, Carmen.”

He’d given you somewhat of a half smile in response – flattered by your comment, and also unconvinced you hadn’t just said in an attempt to get him out of the house.

Or out of obligation.

Because he’s your boyfriend. Because you’ll say anything to get him out for Syd’s big night. Because you love him.

Carmy had never gotten used to the whole celebrity aspect of the food world – especially his own. These award ceremonies were always an uncomfortable reminder that he never quite felt like he fit in.

“Do you think Syd would kill me if-?” Carmy had asked, shifting uncomfortably.

“Baby, Sydney is counting on us… and she and I will both kick your ass if you don’t get in the car,” you’d cut him off, because there was no way in hell he was getting out of this. With a scowl on his face, you’d dragged him down the stairs and into your Uber.

And that’s how he ended up here, at the James Beard award ceremony on a Sunday night, as you all wait anxiously for the announcement. While the restaurant hadn’t been open long enough to be nominated and was actively in a state of ‘working out the kinks,’ Carmy’s celebrity in the food world had brought in a lot of press. Ever since Sydney and Carmy had become partners in the reopen, he had been more than happy to let her take center stage. When the nominations were announced, and Sydney was on the list, he was ecstatic for her. Truthfully, it was a relief that she seemed to do much better with all the stuff he wasn’t crazy about: press, interviews, the spotlight.

“Wake me up when this snoozefest is over,” Richie mumbles trying his best to pretend he’s not having a good time. You snort, shooting Richie a look, because you know it’s one of the most exciting nights he’s had in a while.

Besides Carmy, who wouldn’t want to get all dressed up to go to a fancy party and celebrate Sydney?

You’ve somehow managed to corral the core staff of The Bear here this evening. The entire restaurant had been abuzz when the nominations were announced, and talks of who would get stuck at the restaurant the night of the award ceremony had already begun. It was an easy decision to close the restaurant for that night, so that everyone who wanted to could attend.

Your life here is better than you ever imagined it could be. Working your ass off in a kitchen that you love has been invigorating. It’s helping you fall in love with the process all over again. You suspect that your time in fine dining had, perhaps, run its course even before you quit your last job. Back then, here is what you’d longed for on the days you felt your most lost. You love being a teacher; you love mentoring Marcus. He’s got a desire to learn that never quits, and it inspires you day in and day out. But most importantly, you’re head over heels in love. You’re so deeply in love with Carmy that sometimes, you wonder what took the two of you so long to pull the trigger.

Tonight is no different. You’re surrounded by people you adore more than anything – people you’ve been in the trenches with during a dinner service from hell, people you’ve laughed your ass off with after a round of drinks outside of the restaurant – and you’re all here to celebrate someone who’s become a close friend of yours. It’s just another reminder – another sign from the universe – that you made the right decision.

And you’re sure Sydney is going to win.

You’re not sure how you know.

You can just feel it.

Sydney sits between Carmy and Marcus, and you’re seated in between Carmy and Richie. You notice Carmy’s leg is bouncing up and down impatiently as he anticipates the next category of awards. Even though you know these big social events put Carmy on edge, you know he’s really just nervous for her.

“And the winner… for the James Beard Rising Star award of 2023…” the announcer, esteemed chef Mashama Bailey begins, grabbing the attention of the entire room.

Your heart is pounding in your chest, and Carmy continues to fidget nervously. You reach across Carmy’s lap, grabbing Sydney’s hand and giving it a squeeze of reassurance. Sydney holds on to you, and while you’re sure she might cut off your circulation from squeezing so tightly, you don’t mind. You’re all on the edges of your seat.

“Sydney Adamu of The Bear!”

You and Carmy are cheering as loudly as you can, while Richie jumps to his feet letting out a loud ‘whoop.’ A chorus of ‘that’s right,’ ‘she won!’ and ‘c’mon syd’ echoes through Tina, Gary, and Ebra and Manny, while Angel is already on his feet taking a video of the crowd. Everyone is cheering so boisterously you’re not sure it’ll ever stop.

“You won, Syd!” you yell over the loud claps and cheers, giving her hand one more squeeze. She rises, letting go of your hand, you and Carmy both following to give her some space to walk through the aisle.

“Let’s go, Syd! That’s right. That’s right,” Marcus calls out loudly, jumping to his feet with Richie and earning a few looks from the people sitting to the right and left.

“Congratulations, chef,” Carmy whispers, as she passes him by. You watch as Marcus ushers her over to the aisle so that she can go up to the stage while Angel films the whole thing on his iPhone. Carmy has the proudest look on his face, the tip of his nose the lightest blush pink, and you’re beaming as you watch your friend make her way towards the stage of the opera house.

“Remember when this was you?” you whisper to Carmy, catching his attention.

“Tonight everything changes for her,” Carmy replies, grinning from ear to ear.

“For the both of you,” you add. “For all of us.”

The night he won the rising star award put him on the map. While you hadn’t known Carmy at the time, you’d heard about him in those early days of both of your careers. Carmy had risen so quickly through the ranks that by the time you met him, he was only a few weeks away from his promotion to CDC at the old restaurant. Not only did this put Sydney on the map, but it was better press for The Bear than anyone could ask for.

“Congratulations, baby,” you say, kissing him on the cheek. He just shoots you a look, the pride evident in his eyes, before wrapping his arm around you and holding you close.

“I just wanna say,” Richie begins, having garnered the attention of your group. You’re all huddled in a circle at the reception, champagne flutes in everyone’s hands.

“I know we don’t always see eye to eye…” Richie toasts, earning a few looks and side comments from your team. “And don’t forget about that time you stabbed me… but even if this brings a bunch of fuckin’ strokes to the restaurant, we’re so fuckin’ proud of you.”

“To Sydney, who’s… what does Carmy say… changed the chemistry and who is the heart of this restaurant,” Ebra adds on.

Tina smiles proudly, raising her glass to Sydney. It brings a smile to your face to see her all dressed up too.

“Syd, I don’t know where the hell we’d be without you,” Carmy continues, raising his glass.

“Cheers to you, Sydney!” you say, clinking champagne glasses, before taking your first celebratory drink as a team.

It doesn’t take long for your group to break off into smaller ones – making comments about how out of place you all feel at this fancy of an event. Richie’s wrapping an arm around Carmy’s shoulder, ushering him to a side conversation – something about ‘lizards this’, and ‘the working class that.’

“So how do you feel?” you ask, turning towards Sydney, taking a moment to quietly congratulate your friend.

“I think I’m still in shock,” she sighs in relief, earning a chuckle from you.

“Well, I’ll cheers to that. You know. To calm the nerves,” you joke, raising your glass once more.

“To liquid courage,” she agrees, clinking glasses with you again, as you both decide just to finish off your flutes of champagne.

“Can I get you another drink?” you offer, placing your now empty champagne

“Oooo can you get me one of those fancy themed cocktails I saw at the bar earlier?” Sydney replies, excitedly.

“Anything for you,” you say back.

“And when you’re back, I think I saw Carla Hall has a tasting table here so we should make our rounds,” Sydney mentions, because there’s no way either of you are missing out on the fact that the best chefs in the world are cooking in this room right now.

You nod in agreement, heading to the bar to get both you and Sydney a new round of drinks.

“What can I getcha?” the bartender asks.

You glance at the menu, deciding on your go-to, a gin and tonic, and then one of the featured cocktails of the evening that Sydney mentioned, knowing she’s a tequila drinker. You wait at the bar for your drinks, knowing the fancy mezcal cocktail you just ordered for Sydney will take a little bit of a time to make.

“I was wondering when I’d run into you,” you hear a voice say, grabbing your attention. It’s a familiar voice that you were really hoping you’d never have to hear again.

“Funny, because I was hoping to avoid you,” you quip back, turning to the man who’s just joined you at the bar. His bravado alone is enough to earn an eye roll from you and you can feel your guard going up.

“What’re you doing here?” you ask, unable to hide the disdain in your voice.

“You haven’t heard?” he asks, a cocky smirk on his face that you just want to slap off of it.

“I don’t make it my business to keep up with you, Walker,” you shoot back, using his last name as a formality, completely unamused by his question.

“God, I love it when you talk dirty,” he croons, a flirtatious low chuckle rumbling out of his chest.

You ignore him, rolling your eyes for the second time in the last two minutes, as you thank the bartender who’s just come back with your gin and tonic. You raise the glass to your lips, getting a head start since now, you definitely need this drink.

“Moved to LA. Took a CDC position out there. Besides, after you left… New York was… getting boring,” he explains, playing it cool. He drops the name of the well-respected LA restaurant that he’s running now in an attempt to impress you, which only seems to piss you off further.

You scoff in response. If you weren’t waiting on Sydney’s drink, you’d be long gone by now, but as you watch the bartender burn a sugar cube, you wonder how damn long it takes for a fucking mezcal drink to be made.

Maybe if I’ll just ignore him, he’ll fuck off, you think to yourself.

“You know, I was surprised to hear you moved to Chicago. Left without saying goodbye. Then again, should’ve known…” he provokes, continuing his very one sided conversation.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean, Nate?” you snap, turning your head to him, instantly regretting giving him the attention he’s so desperately seeking.

He raises an eyebrow, before nodding towards Carmy as a reply. Your gaze follows, and you can tell that Carmy’s noticed who you’re talking to at the bar.

“It’s a small world. Word gets around. People talk.”

But you’re not listening to him, your eyes fixed on Carmy. Carmy sends a look of concern your way, but you nod back to him as if to say ‘all good.’ You can hold your own here. Nate watches carefully, noticing the look you share with Carmy across the room. He was always a detail oriented son of a bitch.

“Classic golden boy,” Nate sighs, the envy in his voice giving him away.

“Don’t you think your little one sided rivalry with Carmy is getting a little old?” you laugh dryly.

“One sided?” Nate asks back, taking a step towards you.

“Yeah, one sided,” you repeat, standing your ground. Now way in hell you’re going to let this asshole back you up. “Because if I recall correctly, he never indulged you in your silly little games.”

Nate laughs again, taking another step towards you that makes you increasingly more uncomfortable.

“If that’s how you remember it.”

“Oh grow up.”

“Not when golden boy gets everything I want.”

“You’re so full of shit!” you exclaim, finally taking a step back. “Carmy’s had to work for everything he’s achieved. You and I both know that.”

“How do you think he’d feel,” Nate starts, and you’re not sure if he’s trying to sound seductive or intimidating – neither of which are working on you. “... if he knew about what happened between us? After he left New york? It was… what? A week, maybe two, before you jumped into bed with me?”

“Carmy knows I’m not a thing to be had, Nate,” you seethe, glaring at him.

The bartender returns with your second drink finally.

“You sure about that?” Nate smirks, reaching out to touch you.

What a fucking asshole.

“You’re disgusting,” you seethe, jerking your arm away from him. You take both of your drinks, and you can’t get out of there fast enough.

“It was great catching up,” he calls after you, cockily.

“Can’t say the same,” you say, not even turning to look back at him.

You return to your group, holding in your fury. It’s Sydney’s big night and you’d much rather focus on that than the asshole of an old coworker you can’t fucking stand. You try to shake off the interaction, deciding it’s not even worth expending energy on.

“What the hell was that all about?” Sydney asks, having witnessed your tenuous interaction with the man you called Nate. She thanks you as you hand her her new drink.

“Absolute trashcan of a human. We used to work with him. In New York,” you said, letting out a puff of flustered air.

“Okay but… that was weird right?” Sydney questions, seeing that this guy’s clearly gotten under your skin.

“Totally. He’s a piece of shit. He and Carmy always had this weird rivalry but it was mostly on his end. I… also may or may not have made the dumbest mistake ever once upon a time and slept with him… like… over a year ago,” you confess, feeling just a little bit guilty about it.

“Noooo,” she replies, her eyes widening. “You slept with that guy?”

“Yeah,” you answer, regretfully. “Not one of my finest moments. Long story short: right after Carmy left New York to come back here, I got a little too drunk with some coworkers. I was really sad and it was stupid, and uh, he was… let’s just say more than happy to play the part of a good listener.”

“Can’t imagine that guy being good, or a listener, let alone both at once,” Sydney replies, seeing the negative effect he’s had on you in one conversation.

“Yeah, It was a stupid fucking mistake and I regretted it the next morning. If you can believe it, he got even more insufferable when he realized it would never happen again,” you tell her, shaking off the bad taste in your mouth the conversation left you with.

“Yo,” Carmy says, hesitantly. He can tell that you’re pissed after your conversation at the bar. “Everything good?”

“Yeah,” you answer, honestly. “Just Nate Walker being a fuckin’ asshole. But what’s new?”

“Hey Syd! Let’s go grab a bite,” Marcus calls to her.

“You guys mind?” she asks, looking from you to Carmy.

You shake your heads ‘no’, and honestly, you’re glad it gives you a little time alone with your boyfriend. You watch as Sydney leaves with Marcus to make the rounds, leaving you and Carmy alone.

“Haven’t heard that name in a while,” Carmy starts, bringing Nate up again. He can feel his face beginning to heat up as he asks you about it.

“Yeah.”

“Biggest jackoff in New York City.”

“Well, apparently he’s LA’s problem now.”

“Fucko,” Carmy says, shaking his head at the memory of his pain in the ass sous. He can’t figure out why seeing Nate talk to you near-sent him into a blind rage, but you’d reassured him that you were good so, he let you hold your own.

“Seems like he had a lot to say to you.”

“Yeah, lucky me,” you reply dryly.

“After that I think I need a shower. Or a bath of bleach.”

Carmy lets out a small laugh, releasing some of the tension he, unknowingly, was holding in his body.

“Listen, I don’t want to talk about Nate,” you say, changing the subject.

It’s not that you feel weird about it – that you’d feel weird telling Carmy about what happened between the two of you – but it just feels so small and insignificant in the face of the love that you have with Carmy.

“Good, me either,” Carmy exhales.

Another release in pressure.

He wonders if he’d been this tense all night, or if seeing you with Nate had managed to piss him off this much.

“You wanna dance?” you ask him, a mischievous smile on his face. You offer a hand out to him.

“Baby, you know I don’t dance,” he states, matter of factly.

“I know. But I do,” you say, with a wiggle of your eyebrows.

“One dance,” he warns, earning a triumphant smile from you.

He takes your hand, prompting you to put your drink down on the table where you’re all posted up at. Carmy shakes his head, surprised that you’ve coaxed him this far out of his comfort zone. As he pulls you into his arms, you giggle, wrapping yours around his neck and sway to the loud music in the background.

“Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight?” he asks you with such genuine love in those beautiful blue eyes of his.

He thinks you look like a goddess – could be the dress, but he’s pretty sure it’s you. Your hair is shorter now than it was a few months ago and lays in the softest, most gentle waves, parted perfectly down the middle. He hasn’t stopped staring at cherry red-painted lips all night, and every time he gets a peek of your legs through the high slit in the dress you’re wearing, he swears he short circuits.

Not to mention the low neckline. He’d watched you tie the top of the dress into a plunging neckline, and had to hold back his ask for you to cover up. It’s not that he cared about what you wore. But if he hadn’t been going to therapy over the last few months, he might feel some kind of way about anyone else getting to see any part of your breasts – anyone but him.

“A couple of times… but I won’t be mad about hearing it a few more, Bear,” you grin, leaning into him.

He smiles at your use of his childhood nickname. Back in New York, he’d kept it from you. It was just a reminder of what he’d left behind: his psycho mom, a nightmare of pain from his psycho-fucked-up family, how much it hurt when Mikey cut him out. But now, he loves the way it sounds coming from your lips, your voice the sweetest thing he’s ever heard. While he knows it’s taken him a long time to let you in, he’s glad he has. Whether it be at the restaurant or at the home you share together, you’ve become one of the most consistent things in his life.

The rest of the night is almost perfect. It’s filled with dancing, catching up with coworkers and friends in the culinary world, and most importantly, a celebration with your chosen family. That is, until you hear Sydney swear halfway across the room, catching the attention of you and Carmy both.

Carmy’s looking past you to where Nate is towering over Sydney at the bar. If looks could kill, he’s pretty sure Nate would be dead by now.

“Is that Nate again?” Carmy asks, his face pink as he feels a rush of blood flow throw him.

You can see that Sydney is practically in the same place you were an hour ago. You watch as he steps in front of her, practically blocking her in between him and the bar.

“I don’t like this. We should go over there,” you say with a sense of urgency.

Carmy agrees, and Richie and Marcus, who you’re currently conversing with, follow close behind.

“Okay. You need,” Sydney warns, her voice deliberate, like a rattlesnake giving one last warning before it strikes. “... to back… the fuck up.”

His response is even worse, causing a fire to burn in your belly as you overhear what he says to Sydney.

“Oh come on,” he coos, forcing himself closer to her. “I’m just trying to have a little fun.”

Sydney takes another step to the side, trying her best to escape him and holding her hands up as a barrier while you charge at him. Your sudden movement attracts his attention, giving Sydney the out that she needs. You put both of your hands on his chest, shoving him away from her as you shout.

“She said ‘no.’ What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

Nate’s got such a smug, satisfied smirk on his face that, if you weren’t in a room filled with the best chefs in the world, you’d actually punch it right off of him. Carmy follows you, protectively standing behind you.

“Jealous?” he asks, amused. His eyes flicker over to Carmy, whose face is beginning to heat up, turning a brighter shade of red by the moment.

“In your dreams, asshat,” you spit back.

“Yeah, you’re right about that,” he says, completely satisfied as Carmy’s fist clenches. He’s clearly enjoying just how much he’s getting under his old boss’ skin.

You feel Carmy step towards him, but you turn to him, placing a hand on his abdomen to stop him, “Bear, it’s not worth it.”

“Did you tell him?” Nate asks you, with the intention of stirring the pot.

“Jesus Christ,” you mutter, shaking your head in absolute disbelief.

“Tell me what?” Carmy asks you softly.

“How does it feel, golden boy? To know that the one thing you always wanted… I got to first,” Nate sneers, a threatening sound in his voice. He looks from you to Carmy, assessing the damage.

Before Carmy can say anything, it’s you who lurches towards NAte, and Carmy’s wrapping his arms around you to hold you back. You can feel the tension in his arms as he holds you against his chest protectively.

“Okay this motherfucker is just asking for it,” Richie seethes, charging towards Nate.

“Richie, don’t!” Sydney shouts, shooting him a ‘please don’t make a scene’ look.

It takes all of Richie’s self control to stop himself. He nods to her, holding up his hands as a surrender. He begins to take a few steps back as your uncomfortably public standoff continues.

Sydney has retreated back so that she stands side by side with Marcus, while Carmy’s loosened his grip on your waist.

By the look on Nate’s face, you can tell he thinks he’s gotten away with it all, as he looks around at all of you one last time.

“You all have a goodnight,” he smirks, before taking his drink and slithering away.

You could care less where to. You’re just glad he’s gone.

You watch as he goes before checking in with Sydney, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she says, shaking her head. Marcus is by her side in an instant and you can see Carmy’s jaw twitching with anger. “Can’t believe you used to work with that guy. Fuck that guy.”

“Yeah, fuck that guy,” Richie agrees under his breath.

“C’mon. Let’s just…” Marcus encourages quietly, nodding to your table.

Richie, Marcus, and Sydney all make their way back to your group as you stay with Carmy. His face is red and you can see it on his face that he’s still processing what just happened – what Nate said. You can see the gears turning in his head, and he’s staring at the floor, his face still cherry tomato-red.

“Carmy,” you say, ripping him from his thoughts.

He looks up at you, his face softening the minute you make eye contact.

“Can we go somewhere? Talk?” he asks, trying not to look like he’s going to burn the fuckin’ place down.

You agree with a nod, taking his hand and leading him elsewhere.

The further away from the reception you go, the quieter the party gets, and the louder your thoughts get. Would he be mad? You were furious with Nate for trying to use what happened to get under Carmy’s skin, but you also wonder if he’s mad at you too. For sleeping with Nate? For not telling him? But was it something you were supposed to tell him? It’s not like you expected him to tell you about every person he’d ever slept with.

Carmy finally stops, leading you into a quieter room, far away from the party. As you flick the lights on, it looks like a single dressing room for the plays performed here. The silence between the two of you is deafening, and it’s not just because it’s the first quiet moment you’ve had together since you arrived.

“I’m not mad… about Nate… about what he said,” Carmy says, breaking the silence between the two of you.

He’s trying his best to sound convincing, reassuring even, but he’s sure he’s doing a shit job.

You’re surprised, so you just take him in, searching his face for any clue that he’s telling that truth. His face is red, and you can see a tightness running across his chest as he’s looking for the courage to ask:

“But why didn’t you tell me?”

You sigh, unsure of what to say.

“Because…” you begin, hoping that if you just start talking, you’ll find the right words to explain. “I-, I didn’t think I had to. It happened once and it was a stupid mistake with… a lot of tequila involved.”

“You had just left New York and I was lonely. I didn’t say anything because… it didn’t mean anything to me, Bear.”

He listens, taking your explanation in, his eyes fixed on the floor again. He’s not mad at you, but he can’t seem to shake this feeling of anger – this tension that has him wanting to punch a hole through the wall.

“I don’t like what he fuckin’ said to you,” he finally blurts out.

“That- that he thinks he can just say whatever the fuck he wants. That he forced himself on Syd like that, like he can-.”

Carmy looks down at the floor again, his words trailing off.

He’s pissed.

You can tell he’s pissed.

But you have a nagging feeling in the pit of your stomach that says something else is going on.

Is Carmy… jealous?

“Carmy, I’m sorry you had to find out like this,” you apologize softly. “He shouldn’t have-, I mean he really is the worst fucking person to ever walk-.”

“I’m not upset about-,” he interrupts, firmly. He holds your gaze, trying to give you the most reassuring look he can. “I don’t care about-. I just… I don’t like the way he talked to you.”

You wait as he stews on his thoughts, his anger simmering as he sorts through his feelings. It’s like watching a hot pot of water come to a boil.

“I didn’t like seeing him touch you earlier like-.”

Let it rip.

“Like he can just put his hands on anyone he-. On you! I–.”

And then finally he explodes with, “I just fuckin’ hate that guy!”

It’s as if the pressure valve has been released as he lets out a big puff of air. While you can see it’s given him some relief, you’re still not sure what you’re supposed to offer at this moment.

“Carmy, what can I- hmmph?” you begin to ask, before being cut off by his lips on yours.

Well this isn’t what you were expecting.

Your head is spinning as your boyfriend kisses you with such passion, fervor, and urgency. He’s crashing his lips against yours at a desperate pace, and it’s all tongues and teeth and his hands are grabbing the back of your head, tangling into your hair. You’re not sure how you’ve gone from trying your best to hold space for your boyfriend’s feelings, to him pressing you up against the dressing room counter.

You gasp as he hoists you up onto the counter, pushing his body into yours.

“Carmy, are you-?” you ask, feeling the tent that’s already formed in his pants as you wrap your legs around him.

There’s a confident assertiveness he moves with, and as much as you hate to admit it, this is all turning you on.

“Hate that fuckin’ guy,” Carmy murmurs into your skin, as he begins to leave kisses down your jawline.

His mouth moves urgently down your neck, to your shoulders, to the exposed skin the plunging neckline of your dress reveals. His teeth leave light pink and purple marks in their wake, and you’re gasping, moaning, grabbing at any part of him you can hold on to. Little love bites begin to appear, but when he’s making you feel this good, you could care less.

He’s confident in the way he sucks little marks into your skin, biting down then immediately soothing the pain with his tongue. As he works his mouth over you, he looks up at you, his eyes wide, pupils blown out in pure desire, and it takes your fucking breath away.

Pain and pleasure.

Just to show the whole world that you’re his.

“Thinks he can fuckin’ look at you. Put his fuckin’ hands on you,” he mumbles against your skin. His mouth has reached the lowest point of your plunging neckline as he stands up, pushing himself against you between your legs.

“Baby,” you breathe out. You make a mental note to unpack why his sudden possessiveness has you so hot and bothered with your therapist next week.

“I really, really don’t want to talk about him right now.”

Carmy drops to his knees, stripping off his suit jacket and throwing it elsewhere. The sight has you absolutely drenched and you think you may cum just from looking at him.

“You’re mine,” is all he says, eliciting another moan from you as he sinks his teeth into the soft supple skin of your calf. You slide a heel-covered foot over his shoulder, as his lips begin trail up your calf, to your knee, to your inner thighs…

“Yes. I’m yours,” you breathe out, exasperated by Carmy’s sudden forwardness. You lean back, your head hitting the mirror with a thud. “All yours.”

He works his way up your thighs, leaving soft kisses on your inner thighs while his hands disappear underneath the skirt of your dress, frantically searching for your panties.

“Carmy, I don’t know if we have time for-,” you gasp, as he pulls away for a moment.

His curls are unruly from running your fingers through them, his lips swollen from the passionate makeout you started only moments ago. You feel his fingers hook underneath the top of your panties and he looks at you like he can see right through you. Holding your gaze, it’s impossible to not get lost into his ocean blue eyes you’ve fallen so deeply in love with. He takes his sweet time, teasing you, refusing to break eye contact, as he pulls your panties down your legs at an unbearable slow pace.

You don’t look away.

You don’t dare look away.

Finally, finally, he breaks eye contact, sliding your panties over your feet, and putting them into his pocket as you brace yourself for what comes next.

“We should-,” you start, your words ceasing instantly as he spreads your legs, licking a stripe up your dripping wet core. You cry out loudly, panicking almost instantly, because you don’t remember locking the damn door.

We should stop.

Do this elsewhere.

Lock the door.

Keep quiet.

But you can’t seem to get the words out, as you let out another loud moan, and Carmy doesn’t have the heart to stop you. Something primal inside of him wants nothing more than for the whole party mere hallways away to hear you crying out his name.

“Fuck, baby,” he murmurs, dragging his tongue through your folds. “Already so wet for me and I’ve barely even put my mouth on you.”

He wonders if there’s an award for this.

Lifetime Loser Award.

2023’s Most Jealous Boyfriend

Chef Most Likely to Fuck His Girlfriend During the James Beard Reception Because He’s a Sad, Jealous Fuck.

“Carmy, please,” you beg, scooting your hips off the counter and pulling him up from the ground. Your demand rips him from his own self deprecating thoughts.

“I need you inside of me. Now.”

You need him.

“Turn around,” is all he says.

He’s not sure where he gets the confidence for such a demand and it has you clenching around nothing.

You’re more than happy to oblige as you whisper out a ‘yes,’ and turn yourself around to face the mirror. You can hear the sound of him unzipping his pants, then he’s hiking up the skirt of your dress once more. He puts his hands on your hips to steady you – maybe even to steady himself – and you can feel the head of his cock running through your folds.

Just when you think you may die if you don’t get what you want, you let out the loudest cry you think has ever come out of your mouth as he pushes inside of you. You gasp, your fingers gripping the edge of the counter as you feel him shudder against your back. Your head hangs low, just focusing on memorizing how every single inch of him feels inside of you.

Carmy’s thrusts are slow at first, deep and deliberate thrusts burying himself all the way to the hilt. The sight of his cock disappearing inside of you is really testing his patience here as he thinks he may go insane.

Back out.

Then back in.

“You’re so fuckin’ wet. So fuckin’ perfect for me. God, I love being inside of you,” he groans, enjoying his last few slow and deep thrusts.

He’s got one hand on your hips and the other, wrapped around your waist. As he begins to speed up the pace of his thrusts, the hand around your waist goes to the counter too, to brace himself.

“Carmen,” you moan his name, as he starts to go faster. “Yes. Perfect for you. Only you.”

Only you.

Your words cause him to smirk, and the sounds you’re making only encourage him to keep fucking into you like he means it.

“Look at yourself, baby,” he says, his words causing you to squeeze around him. He groans, his eyes rolling back, before he returns his gaze to the mirror.

When you lock eyes, it’s like you’ve been set on fire. Your skin feels hot, and the prolonged eye contact has you squeezing around him as you start to grind against him. You feel lightheaded, breathless, purely at his mercy.

Carmy holds your gaze through the mirror and you want to commit this photo to memory. You watch your reflections in the mirror, seeing your face change as he speeds up again. His hands are everywhere: in your hair, grabbing you breasts, tracing over the little marks he’s left all over your chest.

“This how I make you feel? Tell me. Tell me how good I make you feel,” he asks, and you think this is the most vocal he’s been during sex.

“So good, Car,” you’re panting. He grabs a handful of your hair, guiding your head to the side so that he can kiss you. You manage to continue your praise in between wet, sloppy, and desperate kisses, and desperate thrusts between the both of you.

“So fuckin’ good. So high. Like I’ll never come back down.”

He’s satisfied with your answer, feeling more and more confident with each thrust. You can tell he likes it, so you decided, why the hell not?

“You feel incredible inside of me, baby,” you continue, wanting nothing more than to appease him.

He’s swallowing your moans in his mouth, as he continues to fuck you, your pushing your ass back against him, your hands bracing against the mirror. You see stars as he hits that spot inside of you – the one that makes you let out a sob – and he’s bending you over the counter so that he can find that spot again and again. Carmy presses his forehead against your shoulder as his hands move underneath your skirt once again, rubbing fierce circles around your clit, trying to take you there with him. He knows he won’t last long when you’re moaning his name like that. He looks up for a moment, enjoying the reflection in the mirror a little too much, before sinking his teeth into your shoulder, feeling himself get closer… closer…

You can feel he’s close too, so you say something, something you know will bring him over the edge.

“Want you to cum inside of me.”

“That what you want? Want me to fill you up? Have me dripping down your legs when any other fucko tries to talk to you tonight. Tries to even fuckin’ look at you…” he asks, his breath ragged and sentences becoming increasingly choppy.

He's leaving little kisses and bite marks all over your upper back as he continues to fuck you.

“Yes,” you pant, moaning his full name once again.

“Fffffffuck, baby. That’s so hot,” he stutters, his thrusts becoming more erratic. He grabs a handful of your ass, chasing his high with you.

You’re squeezing your eyes shut so hard you see stars when he finds that spot again, and you remember that he wanted you to watch. You blink open your eyes, breathless as you take in the image of your boyfriend fucking you from behind. He’s got his forehead resting on your shoulder. You feel the delicious contradiction of pain and pleasure once again, as he sinks his teeth into the soft skin of your shoulder, in the same place from before.

So close. And you're already so tender.

“Carmen. Yes. Right there. Please, baby. Fuck. Don’t stop,” you’re crying out as you as your walls clamp down around him. It’s like an explosion erupts inside of you and you feel that you perhaps are on another fuckin’ plane of existence from the way he makes you feel.

Your eyes close again as he fucks you through your orgasm, taking you higher and higher. The way your walls are squeezing around him have him on edge and he gives you one, two, and then a third thrust before painting your walls with his release too.

He stops, resting his head on your back again, still buried all the way inside of you.

Both of your heavy pants fill the room, before you interrupt the status quo with a laugh.

“Holy shit, babe,” you finally say, exasperated and completely fucked out.

He pulls out of you, and you have to put a hand down on the counter he just bent you over, for balance as you stand up straight. You can hear Carmen pulling his pants back up and you’re adjusting your dress as you turn to look at him. His eyes are fixed on the button of his trouser pants, as you grab his face for another long, lust-filled kiss.

“What do you say… to getting out of here? Maybe continuing this at home?” you propose, your voice hoarse from what you’ve just done. Your forehead is still pressed to his and you want nothing more for him to say ‘yes.’

“Fuck yes. Please,” he practically groans, wondering how it’s possible for him to be hard again already.

“I’ll order a car,” you agree, reaching for where you left your phone on the dressing room counter.

“Surge rates, babe” he sighs, the disappointment evident in his voice as he issues the little reminder.

You shoot him a look that says ‘you’ve got to be fucking kidding me?’

“I will pay all the surge rates in the world, if I get to have you again, as soon as possible,” you state, and he’s not sure he’s going to be able to wait till you get home.

You glance back down to your phone, your fingers moving quickly through the right buttons to get a car on the way. As soon as you see the confirmation, your swiping out of the app, and over to an unread message:

Sydney: So that was weird. Where did you guys go?

You: Out for some air. Sorry, we’ll be right back in.

Sydney: Angel wants pizza and a few of us are gonna go. Wanna come with?

You: Think we’re gonna head home. Breakfast tomorrow? My treat.

Sydney: 100%

You: Congratulations again, friend. Love you.

“What’s going on?” Carmy asks, as he sees you fiercely texting away.

“Nothin’,” you answer, seeing the Uber notification popping up on your phone. “Just telling everyone we’re gonna head home.”

You turn your back to the mirror to examine the damage, immediately spotting Carmy’s bite mark on your shoulder.

“Carmen,” you sigh, fingertips running over the huge bite mark on your shoulder – the one he left when he made while cumming inside of you.

Carmy takes a look, a small smirk on his lips as he sees what you’re referring to. He has to admit that he’s almost… proud of himself as he leans over, leaving a soft kiss against one of the rapidly forming purple bite marks left on the back of your shoulder.

As much as he’d like to show the entire culinary world that you’re his, he removes the suit jacket he just put back on, and hands it to you.

“Here. You can wear this.”

You giggle, taking it and appreciating Carmen’s act of chivalry.

“As much as I’d love to do a walk of shame through a room full of the world’s best chefs… think I’ll keep this one between me and the one that just fucked me,” you joke playfully, as you kiss him as a ‘thank you.’

You check your reflection in the mirror as you drape the coat strategically over your shoulders, making sure you both look somewhat presentable enough to flee the scene with dignity.

“Carm?” you ask.

“Before we leave. I just-, I want you to-,” you stammer, uncertain if you’re doing the right thing by telling him. You’d hate to play into Nate’s little game – even if you both won after what just happened.

“Hmm?”

“Just… you know… for the sake of factual accuracy and not that we’re playing Nate’s game at all but... you and I hooked up first. Nate just doesn’t know that.”

He nods in response, trying not to make it seem like a big deal.

But it certainly makes him feel better.

“Well, if we’re being factually accurate…” he offers up in response. “I know you always thought our whole rivalry thing was one sided… but it wasn’t.”

“No?”

“Rode that guy as hard as I could, every chance I got,” he confesses, in reference to your old, very toxic work environment.

“Because he deserved it?”

“Because I hated how much he flirted with you.”

You shake your head with a small smile. Your phone is buzzing in your hand, letting you know that your Uber has arrived.

“Let’s get the fuck out of here, Bear.”

#carmen berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto x you #carmy berzatto #carmy x oc #the bear hulu #the bear fx #carmen 'carmy' berzatto #sydney adamu #make my heart surrender #carmy smut #carmy berzatto smut

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sinning-23 · 5 months

Text

Fishbowl (Buggy x Siren!Reader)

I hope you guysss like this one lol it’s been in the works for a minute and is one of the last in the siren/mermaid series! Also sorry for any spelling errors! This one with be a two part red and definitely some angst? Or at least I’ll try lol angst isn’t exactly my specialty!

Anyway, ENJOY!

Your nails claw at the glass, leaving scrapes and indents in their wake. After being captured by these pirates, you were transported to a large glass dome on wheels. You were panicking, the screeching from your echolocation making passerby’s of the crew cover their ears and double over.

Why you? You hadn't even been by the ship...they just pulled up to the shore of your home island firing cannons as your sisters swam for cover. You directed them, helping them escape only to be grabbed by the hair an dragged to the shore before you could make your escape.

Any mermaid knew what happened when they were captured.... fin scales used for jewelry, the rich meat of your tails used in rare dishes. The your teeth would be grinder down to pearl like where’s, drilled for necklaces. Nausea builds in the pit of your stomach. This was it.

He approached you, lifting you by your hair as your gills opens and close at the side of your neck, an unpleasant, wet sounding “gasp” filling the silence.

“What a treat. My audience is gonna love you.”

You swallow hard, native tongue sliding off with venom. He sneers at this.

“Too bad I can’t understand you sweets.” Buggy chuckles.

He’s got your arm in an uncomfortable grip as he drags you across the sand and flings you into another crewmate. I’m some kind of silent agreement the carry you across the sandy beach to the temporary tank. Your stomach turns, glittery tears falling down your cheeks.

Currently, you keep clawing, scratching, and screeching, and the glass begins to crack at this latest noise. You needed to get out. But before you can fix your voice to scream again, he enters.

"Please shut your mouth sweetheart. You're not going anywhere.” He explains with a roll of his eyes.

You speak again, and of course, he can understand but it’s something along the lines of,

“I’ll kill you when I get out of here.”

_____4 months______

You scratched a tally for each day you were there, the fishbowl now adorned with a stand and a pretty label in fancy blue ribbon and gold paint. He forced you to act in his shows, putting your gifted set of pipes “to good use”. Even though your siren song was powerful, its intended purpose seemed to fade away.

Every song you sang, the sorrow of being captured poured into your notes, making the audience ever more mournful than they already were. Your songs and performances almost always ended in tears now, Buggy’s crew opting to wear earplugs in fear they’d end their lives then and there if they heard one more melancholic tune.

Buggy, on the other hand, was beginning to grow ever impatient. The first two months of shows had gone just fine! His crew and audience were so enamored by your beauty and sound. Now it was just pitiful. But even though it pissed him off his own decisions led to failure, he couldn’t help but want your gorgeous set of pipes to himself.

Often, he’s caught himself in a daze, wondering what it feels like to have you sing him to sleep, your hands caressing his face with a smile and he pulls into a sense of security. Fat chance though…

Besides, you hadn’t even really been properly introduced since that day he surprise adopted you(kidnapped). Perhaps he should make conversation? He shakes his head at the thought, sitting in his designated chair, just watching.

Your scales flash and flicker sparkles of light in the empty tent. Maybe that’s why he captured you in the first place? You were beautiful. And his did he love seeing those pretty glittery tears roll down your cheeks when you’d first met.

A smile plays over his lips when you catch him staring, your eyes narrowing for a moment before you press against the glass, blowing bubbles at him from under the water. You say something he can’t quite hear.

In a curious haze, he stands, walking up to your fishbowl, looking at each tally you’d engraved into the glass.

“Why won’t you let me go?” You hum, the water making your voice somehow sound prettier that ever, the slight muffle making him hum.

“Because I like sad songs.” He jokes, circling your glass prison.

How typical of him, to joke in a serious situation like this, well serious to you at least. He really takes time to observe you, the way your scales seem to be some sort of opalescent chrome.

How your hair floats around your face, your gills opening and closing ever so slightly. He admires the smaller fins adorning your spine and forearms. He wonders if you’re insecure about them.

“Sing for me.”

It’s a demand, and before you can protest, he’s already back in his chair, watching, resting his head against his closed fist.

Even though you feel obligated, your voice and song feel softer now. Almost as if the small interaction with the captain had only slightly lifted your spirit.

And somehow your hymn didn’t seem so dismal.

#x reader #reader is a siren #i don't care he's hot #one piece live action #one piece #opla buggy #opla buggy x reader #buggy x reader #one piece buggy #one piece x reader #buggy the clown #op buggy #buggy the clown x reader #angst?

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nqmonarch · 2 months

Note

Genuinely wanna hear more regarding the No Wish SAHSRAU (Is that how it's spelled?) especially with all the new events that's happened.

Including the Dr Ratio that slid into our DMs.

First, apologies for the wait I took a while doing this request and then also decided not to post anything during the Palestine strike period because free Palestine.

And man, I don't know how it's spelled. I'd assume that's right it's so long though. Also YES Dr. Ratio sliding into our DMs except bro waltzes in and calls us an idiot ;-;

But first! Let's catch up with some of the current crew who is currently in Penacony!

Warning Penacony Spoilers

For the Trailblazer Penacony's been rough... Shortly after the death of their new closest friend, they'd been coerced into talking with Aventurine, and now had to make a decision without consulting any of the Astral Express beforehand. Sure, they were a seasoned adventurer with two missions under their belt but they still have no idea about their past or if they could trust such sketchy people.

"Aventurine, that little rat..." Their ears perked up when they suddenly heard the voice of this presumed Aeon. "I want to knock my fist against his forehead and see if there's a brain in there." The Trailblazer wouldn't try that.

But if you were acting like this maybe Aventurine and Black Swan could be trusted. The Trailblazer forced themselves to relax and tried to show confidence in their eyes. They could do this. It was good you were still by their side in the dreamscape, otherwise... what would they do?

Herta has found it's more difficult to communicate with you than the Aeons. While the Aeons simply didn't want to communicate it was as if there was some sort of wall separating her from you. It was beyond fascinating but it irked her, she wanted to get into contact with you right away. Then, as she was working to implement a simulated version of you into the simulated universe as an Aeon she had a revelation. What if... this was all a game?

Natasha had done it. Recently the eyes glanced off her more often, something she couldn't help but feel disappointed at. But upon one instance when they glanced upon her, she'd taken their warmth in full, and decided to set out. It seemed when these eyes were on her, she improved in nearly every aspect, so maybe her luck would improve as well? Even though it had been a dead end many times before she investigated Vache's worn down laboratory covered by snow searching for research. Except this time, she found something. This Aeon... was strangely benevolent and caring towards mortals.

That's all the updates we have for now on the current characters, in terms of progress. Herta is one smart cookie but who else is one smart cookie? Dr. Ratio!!! That man I love him so much. Sampo is also a potential worrying addition.

Given in the current event you can get either Sampo, Guinaifen, Asta, or Yukong for free, so let's see how they react.

Dr. Ratio

...This was interesting. The plot unfurling behind the scenes of Penacony was to be expected, Aventurine was being a pain in his ass also to be expected, but an Aeon looking at him? A smart Aeon. One who also must hope to purge the world of ignorance! A noble pursuit. Or perhaps, they'd realized their own ignorance and sought to rectify it some of the Aeons were rather lackluster in this manner after all. But they'd likely never change in their ways.

And you're no longer looking at him, that's fine. Is it a bit more chilly in here or is it just him? An interesting side effect of your gaze then, the feeling of warmth. He wondered why that happened, the look of Nanook was dangerous and suffocating, near fatal for any mortal. That of Yaoshi's was said to be sickeningly sweet and suffocating as well. Nous' was cold and calculating, judging your every asset and whether or not you had potential. Everyone had potential, they just had to choose to rid themselves of their ignorance. If the gaze wasn't suffocating maybe... you were a weak Aeon? One that had just formed or had been thought to have died.

Interesting. Aeons, the topic no scholar knew completely about. Herta was researching deeply into them, Dr. Ratio supposed he could always ask her yet he didn't want to feed into her ego. There were other ways to get the information though.

Guinaifen

"Hello, hello! Can you all hear me? Good morning fam! And welcome to Little Gui's stream!"

It was then when Guinaifen suddenly felt warmth wash over her. Oh, maybe it was because this stream was her first normal one after all the ghost catching business but she found herself getting flustered...? Flattered...? She wasn't sure exactly how to describe it yet she felt even more energetic than usual! As if she could go on for hours! When she ended her stream, the warmth was still there and she still felt as if she was being watched.

Wait-- wasn't this how people said they felt when they were being watched by an Aeon? Something similar to this right?! If even an Aeon was watching her, she was definitely going to be famous! When Guinaifen went to tell Sushang about this news, she found Sushang had run into the same thing! Weren't the two of them an impressive pair? :)

E1 Asta

Research had been going smoothly, partly thanks to the eyes always observing Asta. With them came the warmth that brought confidence and innovation she felt she wouldn't feel otherwise. But, she could feel the warmth all the time now. She doubted an Aeon would be able to watch her all of the time so had she been blessed? That was good, she was able to focus on all the stars and her research more now and learn more in less time!

But... why did she feel so forlorn? As if she had been deserted? Had you just blessed her and moved on your way? Herta... Herta knew a lot about Aeons maybe she would know something about what had happened to her, maybe she would know if you're still around.

E1 Yukong

Even after it all Yukong wished to return to the skies. Despite failing her comrades, despite all those around her who she'd cared for yet failed to stop their death, despite the burning wreckage she'd had to painstakingly crawl out of. Yukong wished to fly. In this long life where even the things she'd once loved had dulled, the longing to fly was forever there.

The warmth was on her constantly now, she completed her paperwork faster, she created ingenious plans, but what did it matter?

"I want to go back," Yukong had spoken one day out to the silence of the world and when the warmth remained she realized, perhaps she could go back and fly. Maybe... it would be okay. But for now her fear remained, albeit comforted by the sight of an Aeon.

What a strange Aeon, to care so much for a mortal.

Sampo (spoiler warning for Black Swan quest, although I was kind of confused the whole time so some information may be incorrect)

Now this would be fun! Sampo had known he was right, this was only another clue in the right direction! And this Aeon, watcher, player, reader, whomever you were appeared at the perfect time! Whenever your gaze fell upon him, he could feel his speed increase as well as the rest of, if this were to be a game, his "stats." He knew he wasn't crazy, of course he'd never had that idea in the first place! He'd be able to retrieve his mask much easier now, he could deal with you later.

It wouldn't be anything bad, don't worry, Sampo Koski is always happy to have a new business partner and friend :) !

If there's anything else you wanna hear about it I'd be more than happy for ideas cause I love these little guys (the characters) . It's just them living their life except they're stronger and feel as if they can enact their dreams! And maybe they gain a friend or a small crush on the way but hey that doesn't mean anything until Penacony comes out with some tech they worked on with Herta that allows you to visit in your dreams but no way something like that will happen, right?

Also trailblazer is genuinely so stressed like imagine having to make the decisions to save an ENTIRE FUCKING PLANET and you don't even know who the you are or what you've been through, you're genuinely so lost but hey you're alive, somehow.

#hsr #reader insert #hsr x reader #self aware hsr #sahsrau #trailblazer #herta #natasha #dr. ratio #yukong #gn reader #asta #sampo #guinaifen #its kind of x reader in some spots if you squint

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seelestia · 1 year

Note

Dunno why I felt compelled to do this, but-

Here's some dialogue I just thought up regarding that angsty af Zhongli oneshot that a certain someone requested (who could it be I wonder 👀👀)

The ones talking are Ganyu and the Reader.

"Do you regret it?"

"Regret what?"

"Your love."

"..."

"I regret not being born earlier."

"I regret not being a goddess."

"I regret not being the first."

"I regret not having the long straight hair he so misses."

"But most of all, I regret not being her."

"But you had no control over any of those! It's not your fault!"

"...That's exactly why it hurts."

We love angst 😩💅💅👍✨

- Ever so sadly yours, 👹✨ Jae (also hi Lia :D been a while since I been in your inbox huehue)

— 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭.

a continuation to do you love me? choose a decision at the end! only 1/2 endings available as of now.

summary: a cracked heart is like a cracked jar; it can only hold so much within before it shatters — what if you've come to terms that you cannot take the pain of the truth any longer? (1.2k+ words)

genre: angst, "loves you but not most" trope, lovers to ???? (open-ended / cliffhanger i'm sorry.) + read the alt text on the header for extra summary!

characters: ganyu, zhongli, guizhong (implied).

cw: descriptions of crying, one pet name.

thoughts: you came into my inbox after a while and you brought pain with you. i'm not particularly proud of this but here you go, i cannot be blamed for these buckets of tears any longer. (/j)

✰ main masterlist. // series masterlist.

The night was young in Liyue, the breeze was gentle as it swept across the lands — but oh, how you wished the wind could also blow the sadness in your heart.

Blurry sight, soaked cheeks, sheer and pure numbness. For how long had you been like this? Seconds felt like minutes, minutes felt like hours, and hours felt like days. Whatever perception of time you had left just seemed to crumble to dust.

You couldn't help but wonder why? Ha, what irony when you knew very well why.

Wasn't it the truth that was relayed to you some time ago? Wasn't that why you decided to sneak away whilst your lover was sleeping, why you were crying in the company of a concerned friend, why you were here right now?

"I'm so sorry—" you choked out an apology to Ganyu through bated breath.

Your friend was out for a midnight stroll when she saw you and upon seeing how red your eyes were, she didn't leave your side out of worry ever since. You tried to reassure her that you'd be fine alone, really — but she looked so devastated, equally as sorrowful as you were like the very sadness in your heart was her own.

But you felt pathetic; so pathetic and so pitiful.

Nothing had been the same after that day, as much as you wished to deny it. Curiosity did kill the cat, after all; in your case, curiosity was what condemned your soul to a void of nothingness.

They said love was what filled a human's soul and if that were true, then you would be nothing but a shell of a soul. Zhongli gave you a love that you wished to cradle with your all forever — but he was never yours, never completely yours. Yet, how could you blame him? How could you ever blame him for experiencing a love so great he wasn't able to forget it?

"I'm not her. I could never be her," you finally forced the words out, clutching onto the railing of Liyue Harbor until a stinging pain greeted your hands. It had been the simplest conclusion, yet the hardest pill to swallow. A fate you couldn't change even if you wished you could so bad, someone unrivaled you could only imagine holding a candle to. Bitter and self-deprecating were the quiet laughter you let out at the realization.

Never was, never will.

"[Y/N], you don't have to apologize," was all Ganyu could afford to utter. She knew she should've said more, but the words escaped her barren mind; perhaps, it would be better to listen instead of saying something that could make matters worse. You could tell that Ganyu was disappointed in herself for not being able to provide you with profound wisdom or the right words of comfort.

Truthfully, you couldn't help but feel terrible for putting her in this situation, for possibly ruining her night with your mood. But when the Adeptus placed her hand on the crook of your elbow as a physical reminder that she was here for you, you smiled. Then, you turned your head towards the ocean and closed your eyes.

Finally, the pain of crying finally caught up to you, hoping that the blowing night breeze could somewhat soothe the stinging dryness and heavy bags underneath your eyes. As you did so, in the corner of your mind, a single thought passed by and you caught it by its tail.

Was it a thought meant to be voiced or buried? Either way, you brought it to life and wondered out loud.

"...Would it be better if I broke things off instead?"

Your question seemed to take Ganyu by complete surprise.

You knew why so; before your relationship with Zhongli came to be, Ganyu was one of the listening ears to your constant rambles about him. How much you admired him, how flustered you were when he smiled at you, or how you felt like you could float to the skies whenever he spared you a single glance. You recalled the surprised look on Ganyu's face when you first told her about your feelings for her Lord, but she was supportive towards your endeavor.

Now, here was where both of you stood. Oh, how time flew.

"Do you remember when he accepted my confession?" Even with your eyes closed, you could almost feel Ganyu nodding at your words. You were the same, you felt as if you could recall it like it had only been yesterday too. "I was so happy I felt like I could float to the clouds and never return. The man of my dreams is finally mine! I thought," you laughed, but there was no hint of mirth evident in your tone.

"What was it like? Being loved by him?" That sort of question sounded foreign to Ganyu but still, she asked, a willingness on her part to indulge in your nostalgia.

"Warm like having someone wrap a blanket around you and comforting like feeling the steam from a cup with your favorite tea on your face after a long day," you hummed. If loving Zhongli and being loved by him were a feeling, it would've been one that you'd never let go of... but you knew this feeling was no longer the same after the truth.

"I am not his greatest love, yet he is mine," it was something you stated solemnly, having come to terms with that fact yet not being able to fully withstand the ache that came with it yet.

When you continued, your voice broke and you frowned, "Why does it have to hurt so much? I want to stay with him, I want to pretend I didn't hear anything that day, I want to go back to the time where I knew nothing about her — but I couldn't."

The corner of your eyes began to sting once more, welling up with tears at a possibility of euphoria which you could never go to. "If only I could, then I wouldn't spend all my nights awake, wondering why I wasn't her or thinking of ways I could somehow be better than her in his eyes. If I could, I'd be sleeping happily in his arms right now and... I wouldn't feel this pain anymore."

There was no stopping the waterfall running down your cheeks now and you could feel that stinging pain again as a result. "But that's a fantasy," you breathed out. You were just so tired and your knees were beginning to feel weak — but still, you looked at Ganyu through your blurred vision.

"...What should I do? Should I save myself or dwell in blissful ignorance?" You whispered with a smile that was unbefitting of your melancholic question. Ganyu hesitated but before she could formulate an answer, a familiar spoke from behind the two of you.

"...My love," a voice that was all too familiar and a nickname that caused all that was going on in your brain to halt.

You froze, veins running cold.

"R-Rex Lapis?"

Ganyu's shocked yelp confirmed it all.

There Zhongli was, standing there. A few strands of his hair looked amiss as if licked by the wind from a fast-paced trip, as if he had just gone places, as if he just went everywhere searching after waking up with you nowhere to be found in his arms. Maybe, that was exactly what he did.

His amber eyes were downcast and the way he was standing so fixedly instead of looking like he had just arrived instantly made your heart clench — because that could only mean one thing.

He heard everything.

[ WHAT IS YOUR NEXT DECISION? ]

↪ Stay quiet and dwell on your thoughts of breaking up with Zhongli.

↪ Wipe away your tears and put on a smile as if Zhongli didn't hear anything. — COMING SOON!

─ ⊹ ⊱ ・・・・・・☆・・・・・・・⊰ ⊹ ─

#genshin x reader #genshin x you #zhongli x reader #zhongli x you #genshin angst #zhongli angst #seelestial.inks #dylm.series 🍵

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venuszn · 5 months

Text

☆ : The Sun & Moon

Summary / Reader is hurting from the breakup between her and Bada.

Cw / Heavy angst, Avoidant and Anxious dynamic, Situationship, Emotional codependency, Bada is emotionally unavailable and is also hurting.

Authors note / I totally did not write this in one sitting to vent out the emotions I am feeling nope did not do that at all. Lol anyways I might be in my angst era this one was easy to write (it was therapy). Also, if you got the moon reference at the very end then yay. As usual you can always request and lmk what you think ! 💗

Wc / 1.3K words

Nobody prepared you for this. You did not prepare for this.

Of course, you have been here before. The situation, not being one of unfamiliarity, but you had hoped it would have evaded you for years to come or perhaps even forever. But yet, you find yourself at the very place you dread. The bottomless pit of the feeling named abandonment. You were truly and utterly alone.

How does one mourn the loss of a person still breathing ? Of a person still of flesh and blood. How does one attempt to manoeuvre this emotion and steer themselves onwards and upwards, out of the coldness of the darkness. Nobody prepared you for this.

You drag your feet out of bed, body heavy and thoughts accompanying. Bada should be beside you, but she is not. You look to the bed and you can almost see her laying there, fringe messily draped over her forehead as she would hold you from behind; her soft fingers gently tracing your skin as the both of you would lay there intertwined in body and heart. She always slept on the right and you on the left - that was how things were supposed to be. Now you wake up to nothing but the faint ghosts of what could have been.

You still sleep on the left.

As you gaze into the dirty mirror, a person you cannot recognise lazily gazes back. Her eyes empty but weeping with emotion. But no tears. Your eyes flicker to the toothbrush holder - yours stands in lonesome.

The irony if it all doesn't escape you - how does a person afraid of abandonment initiate the abandoning ? A person who is tired and at their breaking point.

You had always believed that Bada was the one. Nobody had ever made you feel the way she did. Nobody had understood you the way she did and with her you felt an unwavering sense of home - if she was the moon you were the sun.

But perhaps there’s a reason why the sun and the moon are long lost lovers, the beauty of their differences being the harmony that keeps them in balance, but forever doomed to chase the other to the ends of the earth.

You would have chased Bada to the ends of the earth. But would she have done the same for you ?

Despite how many times Bada tried to provide the reassurance you sought, insecurity remained at the back of your mind. You tried your hardest to be the sun for Bada. You saw how she was struggling, how there were times where she couldn't be emotionally present for you but you still shone your rays over her. Overshadowing your own troubles you gave her all of your light, hoping that she would soon start glowing.

But she didn’t.

The mourning had already begun.

As the days passed you felt Bada pulling further away. Your biggest fear. The moon can’t pull away from the sun, what would happen to the existing balance and harmony that they shared ?

“I’m sorry. I can’t give you a relationship right now. I’ve told you this.”

“I know.” You say as you sit on the bed, head down and playing with your fingers.

“So what should we do ?”

“I don’t know . . .” Bada never knew.

“I need you to make a decision, Bada. I’m here right now because I care about you a whole fucking lot. Probably a lot more than you care about me. How many times do we have this conversation a month ? You say you can’t give me a relationship and I say ‘It’s fine’ and I stay because you want me to stay and I want to stay. I don’t want to leave you.” You choke out, swallowing the lump rising in your throat.

Bada sighs and runs her long fingers through her hair in defeat. “And I don’t want to leave you either. But I also know that I'm not ready to give you a proper relationship. I want to treat you like you deserve to be treated. I want to do all of that and more for you but I just can’t - not right now.”

“So when ?”

“I don’t have the answer to that.”

“But you want me to stay ?”

“It’ll hurt like a bitch if you leave.”

“Then I'll stay.”

It was a vicious cycle. You and Bada were heavily dependent on the other - truly the sun and the moon.

A period of time passed where the both of you deluded yourselves into pretending that everything was fine - that you were not both teetering on the edge of gravity. A relationship but lacking the security. It was nothing but a ticking time bomb ready to implode.

Tick.

Gentle touches and hushed sounds. Innocent kisses and those filled with longing. You both continued the facade - ignoring the faint ticking sound of the inevitable in the background.

Tick.

Bada would lean down and eagerly kiss you - when asked.

She would wrap her arms around you, engulfing you in her comfortable embrace and give tender kisses to your forehead - when asked.

“Bada, why don't you kiss me first ?” You had asked one day, feeling the insecurity creep up once more.

“Oh, I’m not used to initiating affection. It’s not something I've done in the past but please don’t think I don’t want to kiss or touch you. I do - that's why I always do it when you ask.”

“Oh, alright.”

Tick.

You knew Bada, you knew she would never intentionally cause you pain. You understood her behaviour and tried your hardest to accommodate your differing personalities. You truly cared for her and so you stayed and stayed everytime.

Tick.

But just as all things began they must also come to an end.

What will happen once the sun stops shining ? How many aeons will it take till it finally gives up - till the fuel runs dry and it begins to die.

“Bada, if you don’t want to do this anymore we don’t have to . . .”

Bada had pulled further away that week and you were at a loss. You were exhausted.

“It’s not that. It’s not about you specifically. I’m just not okay right now, you know this. There’s a lot going on and I don't know when I'll be ok . . . This isn’t fair to you, I know.”

“I think we should end this.”

Your eyes don’t leave Bada’s face as you read her expression - nothing.

Maybe you had both come to terms with it.

“I’m sorry. I tried to be happy for you and tried to pretend that everything was okay - that we were okay.”

“We haven’t been okay for a while now. And I wasn’t happy either. But it's fine. One of us had to make the difficult decision that we had been avoiding so at least now it’s been made. I hope you can be happier now, Bada.”

“I didn’t want to disappoint you . . . I don’t know what else to say right now.”

“That's okay. You don't have to say anything more, I'll be going now.”

You had taken a few of your things from her place and left through the door, unsure of if you ever wanted to return to collect the rest of your belongings. Your heart had never ached like it did in that moment.

You were no longer the sun.

The reflection gazing back at you was not one of brightness and warmth. You were barren of warmth and light as you wondered if you should have confessed to the moon and complemented its beauty.

The words, accompanied with the rise of tears, fall from your lips and into the deadness of the air.

“The moon is beautiful, isn't it ?”

Tag list / @princhii , @lil-elliesgf , @wiselight @nimixe ! [OPEN]

#bada lee x reader #bada x reader #bada imagine #bada lee swf #bada lee #bada lee imagine #two fics in one day i know crazy

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rascal-xo · 1 year

Note

Hi ! I hope you’re doing well, I wanted to request the 141 & perhaps Los Vaqueros (I am a sucker for Ale) with y/n (preferably for her to also be in the military with these fine men) whose ex boyfriend ends up recently joining either the military or tags along a mission (I would love if their rank was below the 141/los vaqueros just to see how they would react, not intimated by the ex but more like cocky because they know they are better than them). Also maybe add a bit of NSFW… (pls & thank you). I’m sorry if it seems too specific or detailed but this plot has been nagging at my brain and I love the way you write so I was like okay, I know who can write this perfectly ! I appreciate you taking the time to read my request ! Have a good one !

Loose Ends | Alejandro x Female Reader |

Chapter Summary: You find self face to face with a toxic part of your past…

Warnings: Angst, violence, language, fluff, some minor smut |READERS CALLSIGN IS “RED”|

Word Count:

Tags: @satorisgirl

A/N: Ahh sorry it took so long but it’s finally here! I hoped you enjoyed the fic :))

——> Some stuff is not canonically accurate to MW2 or CoD in general

“Alright, gather around!” Price calls out to the team, There’s maps and documents sprawled over the top of the table where you and the rest of the team stand around it. “We’ve got one hour until we’re back out in the field, thanks to our lovely General Shepard, we’ve got our work cut out for us.” He says, with a hint sarcasm on his tongue.

You exchange a knowing glance with Soap, both of you aware of the tension between the Task Force and Shepard.

“We’re joining forces with Los Vaqueros for this one,” Price continues. “As you know, we’ve been tracking Hassan in the city for weeks now, and we’ve been tasked with assisting them in finally taking him down.”

The 141 and Alejandro’s men were hand in hand the past few weeks hunting down Hassan and the rouge missiles.

In the few times you had the pleasure of working with Colonel Vargas and his men, you always enjoyed it a little more than you liked to admit. You look over at Colonel Vargas, and he meets your gaze, nodding a smile.

But then, Price's voice interrupts your thoughts. "Another one of our company contacts will be joining us on this mission. They’ll be leading behind the operation alongside Colonel Vargas."

You feel your stomach drop as Price gestures towards the door. The man walks in question walks in, and you immediately recognize him as Phillip Graves, your old commander and ex boyfriend.

You had worked with the Commander side by side for 3 years, when you were recruited for the Shadow Company by Shepard.

The last time you saw him was when you announced your decision to leave. You had a huge fight, and things ended on a more than sour note. Hitting closer than personal between you and Phillip. You never expected to see him again so soon, especially not on a mission like this.

“Commander Graves, good to have you and the Shadows here.” Price greets him. The rest of the team seems oblivious to the history between you and Dom, but you can't help but feel awkward and uncomfortable.

You try to make a quick exit as soon as the briefing comes to an end, but Graves catches up to you, “Hey, Red, it’s been a while.”

You turn to face him, trying to keep a calm demeanor, “Not long enough, unfortunately.” You say before you have time to really think it through.

The commander smirks, “Don’t worry, Y/N, I’m just here to do my job.” He pauses, looking you up and down. “Hopefully you won’t be too distracted.”

You internally roll your eyes and walk away, not wanting to engage in any more conversation than you have to with him.

As you gear up and head to the chopper, you can feel the weight of the mission and the added tension of the Shadows presence weighing on you.

“What’s got you quiet, Roja?” Alejandro says, leaning closer to you.

“Just thinking.” You answer, “Don’t have much time to do that in peace lately.” You chuckle.

“Say I’ll buy you a drink once we make it out of this shitstorm alive, huh?” He raises an eyebrow.

“I’d like that.” You smile.

Once you're on the ground, you and the rest of the team move quickly, working alongside Los Vaqueros to track down Hassan's whereabouts.

The mission is intense, with gunfire ringing out and explosions rocking the city. Despite the chaos around you, you stay focused, your training and instincts kicking in as you move with precision and purpose.

It's only when you and Graves are alone, working together to take down a group of insurgents, that things begin to take a turn.

You look over at him, out of breath from taking a hard blow to the ribs, taking in his features. He looks older, more weathered than you last saw him. But he’s still annoyingly good at his job.

“Not like you to take hits.” Graves suddenly says, breaking the silence between you two, once the coast is clear. You two are alone in one of the emptied buildings, awaiting clearance to evac.

Like you’re perfect.” You reply, trying to keep your annoyance at ease.

Graves smirks, “I never said I was perfect, just better than most.”

You roll your eyes, “Is that what you tell yourself to sleep at night?”

He chuckles, “No, that’s what you used to tell me.”

You feel a pang of memories hit you, remembering the times when you and Phillip were together, laughing and messing around during your downtime. But the memory is quickly replaced by the bitterness of the person he’s become, or was all along.

“So, this is what you left our unit for, coverts?” He says, leaning against a broken door. His demeanor suddenly shifts, and you feel the hostility radiating off of him.

“That’s one less person you can have at your disposal for good old Shepard.” You scoff, meeting his dark expression.

“You know, Y/N, you always did have a problem with authority. It's no surprise you didn't last long with the Shadows.” You feel your blood boiling.

"The fuck is that supposed to mean?" you snap. Graves takes a step towards you, his voice lowering dangerously, “Watch it. Don’t wanna start anything you can’t finish, Soldier.”

Before things can escalate any further, Alejandro suddenly appears comes through the doorway, pausing in his steps when he takes in the tense atmosphere between you and Graves.

Without hesitating, Alejandro strides forward, stepping between you and Graves.

"Graves," Alejandro says, his voice low and controlled. "You need to back off of the Sergeant. Now."

Graves sneers, "What, you gonna protect your little girlfriend?"

Alejandro's fists clench, but he remains composed. "I'm not playing games, Cabrón. Back off."

Graves takes a step forward, his face contorting with anger. "You don't know what you're getting into, Vargas. This has nothing to do with you."

"It has everything to do with me when you're threatening a member of my team," Alejandro says, his voice sharp. "If you can't handle working with Y/N, then you can leave."

Graves looks like he's about to say something else, but the sound of the C-130’s engines outside interrupts him. "Don’t butt in where you don’t belong, Vargas." Graves says through gritted teeth, before turning and stalking out of the room.

You take this as an opportunity to brush past Phillip as you move towards Alejandro.

You let out a breath you didn't realize you were holding as he turns to you, concern etched on his face. "You okay, Roja?"

“Yes i’m okay. We just have a long past.” You exhale, fixing your red bandana that seems to have slipped a little from your forehead.

“Let’s get out of here.” You say, relieved to finally have an excuse to get away from Graves.

Alejandro nods, and the two of you head out of the building together. Once you're outside, the weight of the mission and Graves' presence finally lifts off your shoulders.

“I need a drink.” You say, trying to lighten the mood as you head towards the evac.

Alejandro chuckles, “I remember promising you one earlier.”

You smile, “Lead the way, Colonel.”

As you make your way back to base, the two of you decide to leave the the post-mission bar celebration earlier than the rest of the team, and you decide to go back to your quarters, which Alejandro happily obliges to.

As you walk through the quiet halls, you can feel the heat and electricity between you and Alejandro, and you know that you're not the only one who's been thinking about it.

Finally, when you reach your door, he turns to face you, his eyes meeting yours in a way that makes your heart race. Granted you too are reaching tipsy at this point.

“Y/N…” He says, his voice low and husky.

Before he can finish, you reach up and pull him down to meet your lips in a heated kiss. The passion between you is electric, and you can feel the heat building as you explore each other's mouths.

As the kiss deepens, you wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him closer as he presses you against the wall. The world around you fades away as you lose yourself in the heat of the moment

Eventually, you pull away, both of you gasping for breath. You look up at Alejandro, seeing the desire and intensity in his eyes.

The moment you enter the room, he presses you against the wall once again, his mouth claiming yours as his hands roam over your body.

You feel the heat building between you, the need for each other growing with each passing second. Without breaking the kiss, Alejandro begins to tug at your clothes, revealing more and more of your skin.

Soon you're standing there in nothing but your underwear, your body flushed with desire. Alejandro steps back to admire the sight before him.

You reach down to palm him through his pants, eliciting a low groan from his lips. He breaks the kiss to look at you, his eyes dark with desire.

His hands slide down to your panties, tugging them down your legs and throwing them aside.

With one swift movement, he lifts you up and carries you to the bed, laying you down gently before climbing on top of you.

Your bodies are a tangle of limbs and heat, desire and passion taking over.

#call of duty #call of duty modern warfare #simon ghost riley #call of duty smut #ghost x reader #fanfic #simon riley imagine #ghost x female reader #simon riley x you #ghost x you #los vaqueros #alejandro vargas #alejandro x you #los vaqueros x reader #phillip graves #graves x you

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youreallyshouldtalkmore · 1 month

Text

Kiss from a Rose_Part 2

A.N: A three part series featuring Neuvillette x Reader!

Genshin Impact MasterList

------

“This…is Monsieur Neuvillette? You are quite certain?”

Paimon was the first to break the silence. You, the Traveler, Paimon, Navia and the twins and Freminet were at the lake that lead down to the Melusine’s village. In lieu of all the drama that Fontaine was in with the missing ludex, the seven of you decided to meet here. Currently, the otter was sitting in the water with everyone was staring at him.

He calmly looked back, dipping his head once.

"Hold on! Did he understand me?" Paimon asked.

Lyney clapped his hands once, “Well, stranger things have happened!”

“I’m just glad to know that he is okay….” Freminet murmured.

“But how?” Navia questioned.

“That is unimportant.” You dismissed, “Right now, we need to figure out how to turn him back.”

“Unless, what turned him into an otter could turn him back.” Lynette offered.

“I thought about that.” You nodded, “Through trial and error, I did try to retrace Neuvillette’s steps, and it reached into the village. But then he started flipping out. Whatever, it was, he did not want anyone going into that area. So I had it quarantine off. Since he cannot speak, we do not know precisely what to look for. And if we try, we might end up in the same position.”

The otter splashed once as if in agreement with you.

“A wise decision.” Navia nodded, “But we will need to fix this before our entire country falls apart. The Steambird has now taken to publish conspiracy theories on his disappearance. Imagine what they would print if he showed up as an otter.”

You swore you heard Neuvillette sigh.

You rubbed your temple, “I don’t want to imagine.”

Navia continued, “Lady Furina is doing all she can to divert the public’s gaze. If nothing else, she is making herself a target for Charolette’s teeth.”

Paimon sighed, “That in and of itself deserves accolade.”

“But rest assured, we are ready to do whatever necessary to bring Monsieur Neuvillette back to normal.” Navia stated.

“Yeah, don’t worry, Monsieur Neuvillette, we will find a cure for you!!” Paimon cheered.

“....”

“So, any ideas?” Freminet inquired quietly.

—-

That had been three days ago, and no one seemed to be able to figure out any kind of plan. They tried all sorts of medicine and potions, but nothing seemed to work. By the fourth day, all of you were back at the lake for another meeting.

“This is getting worrisome now.” The Traveler murmured.

“I agree! Come on, guys, there has to be something.” Navia cried frustrated, “I can use my connections to get whatever it is, as long as I know what to get!”

A silence descended.

“Well…..” Lyney hummed.

You turned to the magician with wide, expectant eyes.

“....I do have an idea, but you may not like it.”

“As long as it turns Neuvillette back to human form! It’s fine! What is it?”

“It’s quite unconventional….”

“You're doing an awful lot of setup.” Paimon remarked.

“Perhaps, a kiss of true love can turn him back. In the stories, it usually turns a beast back into his princely form.” Lyney was dead serious as he looked at you without a hint of a smile.

You stared at him a good minute. Traveler and Paimon looked at each other as Navia gave a long-suffering sigh.

You finally turned Lynette and Freminet, “Can I hit him?”

“Sure. It will save me from having to come out of power saving mode myself.”

A dip of the head was all from Freminet.

You reached for Lyney fully intended to slap him upside the head, but he dodged nimbly as he spoke, “My lady, please I beg you a minute to explain!”

You have finally grabbed at his clothes, snatched his hat and began playing keep away with it.

“Not my hat! Lynette, Freminet, help me!! Traveler!!”

The Traveler discreetly looked away, as Paimon only folded her arms, unimpressed.

“You started this foolishness!” Lynette returned calmly.

“Look, we have no idea what turned him into an otter in the first place! It could be anything! Which means we need to think outside the box. Nothing conventional has worked so far! So whose to say that this isn’t some magical one off?”

You eyed the magician for a long moment.

“At this point, we need to try everything. Even I admit, it sounds like a setup from a storybook, but I just thought I’d put it out there. We aren’t going to give up. All of us will continue looking for a solution, but I’m just trying to present all options. Even the unconventional ones.”

You gave a sigh, “Well, I do appreciate it. I really couldn’t tell if you were trying for a joke at this time or not.”

“I’m a magician not a comedian, my lady! With tension being so high, I would never take advantage of it.”

You gave him back his hat, and he welcomed it back like an old friend.

“Well, I shall keep it in mind. In the meantime, what other practical solutions are there?” You asked the group.

—-

You gave a sigh as you entered the house and headed for the bathroom. You slipped off the backpack of water you had used to carry otter Neuvillette in. Unzipping the bag, you placed the sack on the ground. It had a net on top to let in air, so he wouldn’t suffocate. You pulled off the top before turning and filling up the tub.

Then you sat down with an apology, “I’m sorry. It seems it’s another day without a solution.”

The otter only shook its head.

“You're quite patient even during this ordeal. You never fail to amaze me, my dear.” You murmured, reaching out to plant a kiss on the head. Your lips lingered for a moment before you pulled back with a smile, “We’ll figure this out! Tomorrow is a new day!!”

Once the tub was filled and Neuvillette settled you, you eventually headed to bed.

Tomorrow was a new day, you reminded yourself.

You would see Neuvillette through this.

Part 3

#genshin impact #genshin impact fanfiction #genshin impact fanfic #neuvillette x reader #neuvillete x reader #neuvillette

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redara · 27 days

Text

Cold Bloom

Pairings: Bi-Han/Áila Havarôr Rating: Teen & Up Words: 2.169 Summary: Bi-Han helps Áila tending to her wound.

A/N: also posted on AO3. Áila is the OC of @tazahan and this fic is based on her work:

The empty infirmary still reeks of copper and steel when Áila steps in. She has lost count on how many times she ended up here in this month alone – has stopped counting, to be honest, after the second or the third visit, realizing that it’s better if she doesn’t count her wounds. She limps past empty cots, making a beeline towards the glass cabinet at the end of the room.

The cabinet door creaks when she slides it open; the numerous glass bottles inside are clinking against each other; the smells of alcohol and iodine assault her nose. Áila looks around as best as her swollen eyes can see, where is it? Where is it? Until she finds the white first aid box perching on the top shelf – who in their right mind put that up there?

Grunting, she reaches up with a calculated movement. She hisses at the pull on her side, and at the soreness of her arm. Her fingers make contact with the box, and swiftly, she pulls it down. A victorious sigh escapes her lips as she cradles the box like it is a precious treasure. As much as she wants to savor her small victory, time is of the essence, her wounds require tending.

Like the many times she has done before, she takes a seat on the cot by a mirror; her reflection greets her, and the view makes her grimaces partially in terror. The Grandmaster is truly powerful… She contemplates while tracing the swelling of her left eye where he had elbowed her in their sparring, in which – like always – he did not hold back.

Áila runs her hands around her body, checking for more injury. Her left side is particularly aching, she can only wish she doesn’t have a cracked rib. The ripped sleeves of her uniform are stained with dots of dark red, and she can guess there are more cuts and grazes on her arms. She continues inspecting herself; undoing her belt so she can open the front of her uniform. Her torso looks fine, no signs of swelling or bruising – she quietly thanks her Viking blood for her durability. When she finds no other injuries, she begins to tend to her face.

By the Fire God, what am I doing here?

The question that Áila has recently been asking herself, because she honestly doesn’t know why. She could have stayed at the Wu Shi Academy, and she’ll learn just fine, perhaps better than here with the Lin Kuei. But the decision wasn’t hers to make, or as the Fire God Liu Kang would say, it is better for her in the long run. Right now, the only thing she becomes better at is being the Grandmaster’s personal training dummy.

At the thought of the stern Grandmaster, Áila feels her cheeks becoming warmer. Gods , never has she ever seen a person so dedicated in life, so disciplined and stoic. His demeanor fits his title so well, Sub-Zero, cold and – sadly – distant. Áila wonders if it’s all attributed to his real name.

Bi-Han. Cold wall.

Well, he is definitely cold, alright.

Áila uses a warm wet rag to clean up the cuts and the grazes, lips stifling a whimper. When they seem clean enough, she dries them off with another rag, creating dots of wet blood on the fabric, drying the excess wetness from her skin. Then she opens the first aid kit box, trembling fingers reaching for the bottle of iodine and a stack of gauze. She dabs the gauze with the iodine, and then she pauses, inhaling deeply because she knows the next part is going to hurt.

The iodine stings. It always does. But she continues, as there is no way she would back down. She reminds herself that with each open wound that she rubs with the iodine, she is getting closer to her warm bed that’s waiting in the sleeping quarters; a peaceful rest where she can dream about the good times she had at the Wu Shi Academy; about the warmer places with warmer people.

Finally, almost every inch of her has been covered in a thin layer of iodine. Áila casts the gauze aside to be thrown away, and opts to take the warm compress again to dab over her swollen eye. The heat soothes her ache, making her sigh in relief, tensed shoulders slumping to a relaxed state. For the moment, this is her haven; her own space to take care of herself; where she can be herself, far from the eyes of the other Lin Kuei and the Grandmast –

The sudden drop of temperature in the room startles her; eyes shoot open; she jumps down the cot – hissing in protest from how the sudden action causes a pull at her aching side – and out of habit, she turns to the source of the cold; hands clasped together and she bows despite not seeing the person she fears it to be. “Grandmaster!”

Though she can’t see his face, she knows his shoes from the many times she has seen them in her apologetic salutes. Sub-Zero stands still far away from her, but the chill in the air makes her skin crawl nonetheless.

“Áila.” The gruff call of her name makes her jump. “It’s past curfew.”

Áila lifts her head, a mistake, as she is now face to face with the mask-less Grandmaster. His usually furrowing eyebrows look rather relaxed, though still accompanied by the thin line of his lips. He is not dressed in his uniform, but rather a loose dark blue robe with a black string keeping it tied around his waist. The attire bares his usually covered neck and the top of his chest – Áila quickly responds before her wandering eyes are noticed, “A – Apologies, Grandmaster, I didn’t – uhm – I was cleaning my wounds – I could go now –”

Their eyes meet, and she is not sure if it’s a trick of the light or the truth, but she is certain that Sub-Zero has just flicked his gaze briefly to her chest – he raises an eyebrow. “I sincerely hope that is accidental, unless you think such shameless display would earn my sympathy.”

“Huh?” Áila looks down, and – OH SHIT – she is met by the sight of her bare, iodine-layered torso. Though her not-so-humble-sized breasts are covered by a white binder, the top parts are bulging out of the hellish containment device. She gasps, hand discarding the warm compress to quickly pull her uniform to a close, holding the fabric so tightly until her knuckles turn white. “Grandmaster, I’m so sorry, I wasn’t – I didn’t do it on purpose, I – I swear!”

Sub-Zero only hums, though the frown has returned to his forehead, and there is a slight pink at the tip of his nose. He clears his throat. “You should remain vigilant even among allies.”

“I will, Grandmaster. I’m… sorry.”

“What’s this?” He notices the warm compress she has thrown, and he bends down to take it off the floor. “Really? A warm compress for swelling?”

“It… soothes the ache.” Áila tries to defend herself.

“But it won’t make the swelling go down. Truly, can you do anything right?”

There it is, the cynical tone of his that renders her looking away as if it could alleviate the damage it has done to her psyche.

Sub-Zero sighs, “Sit down.”

Áila scrambles to the cot, never has she ever sat down so quickly in her life. She watches as Sub-Zero approaches and stands in front of her, so close that she can smell the faint fresh smell of soap from him, osmanthus mixing with his natural icy smell. She is not sure on where to look, so she opts to watch him take the bowl of hot water; how easily he makes frost blooms on the water, turning the steam into snowflakes.

He dips the rag into the bowl, and Áila watches partly with anxiety as he squeezes the excess water out. She has never seen his glove-less hand before, especially not from this close; how blue his vein looks under his skin; how thick and long his fingers are; how big his palm is, decorated with the callouses and old cuts. When he slightly lifts the sleeve of his robe, Áila’s breath hitches at the sight of his forearm, bare without the vambrace he usually wears.

“Look up.” Sub-Zero commands.

Doing as ordered, Áila is now looking at his face. Stern expression still graces his feature, but this time with a hint of gentleness especially in his eyes. She only admits internally that he is a beautiful man, though that secret may have been spilled with how flushed her cheeks are right now, and they only grow hotter when he holds her chin in one hand while pressing the cold compress on her swollen eye.

The icy temperature stings, making her winces in response. Sub-Zero grunts, “Bear with it.”

Áila closes her eyes, growing hot and cold at the same time. She tries to regulate her breathing, though a hitch comes now and then, and it gets difficult when her heart is running a marathon in her rib cage. She can feel the Grandmaster’s calloused fingers against her neck, pressing, keeping her steady. Her hands are still gripping at her uniform, now tighter than before, trying to keep herself grounded in the moment.

The cold compress is removed leaving wetness over her left eye. She jumps when she feels a soft fabric is pressing against her face, drying her skin. Curiously, her eyelids flutter open, and she swears her heart just does a somersault when she finds Sub-Zero leaning closer; his lips are parted and pursed a bit; and the next thing she feels is the cold air he blows to the left side of her face.

Áila can’t help the whimper that escapes her throat. While the action soothes the swelling, her brain can only focus on how close they are right now – she can clearly see the faint lines on his face, and the texture of his skin, and –

“Isn’t that better?” He asks in such a low tone akin to growling. The corner of his lips seemingly pulls up a bit. His gaze is piercing, amusement playing behind those browns, especially when he notices her lack of reply.

Áila wants to nod, but he still has her chin in a grip, so she chooses to answer with words, shaky and whispery. “Ye – Yes, Grandmaster…”

“I hope you learn a valuable lesson today. Hot compress is for soreness. Cold compress is for swelling. Am I understood?”

“Yes, Grandmaster.”

“Good. You finally had something right for once.” He stands up straighter and sighs. His grip on her chin loosens, though she can feel his fingers linger a second longer when he pulls away. “Clean up the mess before you leave.”

Sub-Zero walks away without a warning. The sudden loss of his presence startles Áila, and she copes with a deep breath, watching him crossing the room in a long stride; the tail of his dark blue robe swaying with the action; broad shoulders and strong hips moving with such commanding presence.

He stops at the door as if he can sense her stare, and he turns to her. There is an unreadable expression on his face, nose scrunching, top lip curling up almost like a snarl. Yet his words do not convey agitation, “Don’t stay up too late.”

Áila scrambles for an answer, “Tha – Thank you, Grandmaster, good night.”

He only hums before opening the door and taking his leave.

The temperature in the room gradually returns to normal. But it’s not the same with Áila’s racing heartbeat. Shakily touching her chin where she can still feel his fingers, how cold they were, and yet she found the sensation to her liking. Mind replaying the moment where his face was so close to her, with a look so predatory and playful compared to his usual stoicism, and his voice – oh Gods –

Her body calls for another need to be sated. With shaky limbs and scattered focus, Áila tidies up the room, eager to quickly leave the infirmary and back under the warm blanket of her bed.

Meanwhile, walking purposefully in the empty hallway, Bi-Han makes his way back to his chamber. Body tensing, fist clenching, silently cursing the predicament he is facing; how come he nearly loses himself so easily with such a shameless display? The image of Áila’s voluptuous body still lingers in his mind; the pinkish tint of her breasts; how they jiggled despite the restrain of the binder; and her face –

Bi-Han blames her. Ever since her arrival, she has been nothing but a thorn at his side, and now an aching in his pants. Hardness throbbing with want, imagination feeding his thirst; how good she must have looked underneath him, pinned between the cot and his cold body; how soft and warm her body would be.

At least for now, this longing shall remain his secret.

***

A/N: ASLANDKAKSALNT THANK YOU TAZA FOR MAKING THIS ACCOMPANYING ART FOR THE FIC

#bi han #bi han x oc #bi han imagine #sub zero imagine #sub zero x oc #mk 1 #mortal kombat 1 #áila havarôr #fanfic #redarader

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velidewrites · 3 months

Text

This Ends In Fire

Everything goes wrong when Nesta Archeron crosses the Wall to find her sister. Kidnapped and trapped Under the Mountain, she must now become the very thing she swore to destroy. But there is a light in the darkness—a flicker of a flame, ready to show her a way out. If she’d only let it.

Pairing: Nesta Archeron x Eris Vanserra

Tags: Rated Explicit; Marriage of Convenience; UTM AU

Notes: My humble submission for @sjmromanceweek!

Read the Prologue on AO3 or continue below!

The mercenary had run at the first rustle of wind between the trees, leaving Nesta alone and entirely at the forest’s mercy. She should have recognised the man for the coward that he was, but, as Nesta had recently found out, hope had a rather nasty habit of making its harborer blind to other people’s intentions. The last of the silver she’d brought along for the journey had gone into the hireling’s pockets, unlikely to ever be seen again. Elain was hardly the type to chase after others, not even to protect her own interests, and, well—it wasn’t like Nesta was ever coming back to do it herself, anyway.

It was cold and dark in the forest, remnants of frost still coating some of the treetops despite winter being well and truly over. The icy weather never quite melted into spring, and seemed determined to last into the approaching summer. Perhaps it wasn’t going to leave at all.

Elain was going to be fine. Nesta wouldn’t have left otherwise, though the knowledge hadn’t made her decision any easier. The Nolan boy would not have been Nesta’s first choice by any means—no man ever would be wherever Elain was concerned—but he was the best suitor their village had to offer all the same. He seemed to enjoy Elain’s company, besides, if the hours Nesta had spent chaperoning in their garden were any indication. Nesta herself was more than inclined to leave after an hour, but Greysen Nolan kept on listening as Elain rambled on about the tulip fields far on the Continent. He’d even sworn to bring them back for her from one of his travels.

It was enough for Nesta to venture out to the forest with some peace of mind. They had money now, the source of which Nesta preferred not to ponder over. Their newfound wealth certainly had nothing to do with Father’s efforts, or lack thereof, anyway. Their clothes, their food, their very survival…it had always been Feyre.

And now, Feyre was gone.

The guilt had been eating Nesta alive for months. At first, she’d pretended not to care, and for the first few weeks it worked sufficiently enough for her to drown herself in other tasks. Housework, mostly, hiring the cook and staff and even a governess to catch Elain up on the final years of education she’d missed out on. Some days, Nesta would quietly find her way into the office, a book carefully placed in her lap as she curled up by the fireplace under the pretense of the house being too cold. In truth, she enjoyed the lessons and wanted to learn alongside them, her own education left so far back in the past it almost felt as though it had happened to someone else.

There was a kernel of truth to that—Nesta had thought of her family’s lost wealth every day in that blighted cottage, and yet she still couldn’t help but feel out of place the day it returned. She never remembered it so hollow, so empty and lifeless. Perhaps it had been Feyre, stubborn and wild, who’d made the house come alive. Even before that cottage—it had always been Feyre.

It was then that Nesta decided to go. Hiring a mercenary had been Elain’s idea, and Nesta had known better than to argue. Refusing would’ve only brought her closer to Elain volunteering herself for the journey, and that simply would not do. Here, in the human lands, Elain was safe. As safe as their kind could get, at least.

For all Nesta knew, Feyre was already dead. The thought did little to stop her—her mind was made up, and the mercenary hired and equipped with the finest iron the village smith could have procured. Whether it would be enough to pierce the beast’s thick fur and reach its heart, Nesta did not know. She could only hope.

Even if she knew hope was a weapon of the fools.

She sighed deeply, turning over her shoulder to see if the man’s footprints had dried off enough for her to keep going. At the very least, they would provide a decent path back to the village, where the mercenary was undoubtedly already headed. Should the Wall prove impenetrable after all, Nesta would know how to find her way back.

The man’s heavy panting stopped echoing through the woods when the Wall finally came into sight. Nesta knew better than to call after him; she had simply sent him away with nothing but a withering look and a curse so unbecoming of a lady of her status she only dared to utter it within the comfort of her own mind. Wretched as it was, she hoped some wolf or other predator lurking near the border would find him just in time to teach him a lesson, and, if luck was truly on her side tonight, let him take it straight to his grave. Leaving a woman alone in the woods at night was dishonourable to say the least.

It was what Feyre had done nearly every night, though, Nesta realised, that familiar guilt crashing into her like a wave once more. Ever since Father failed them, her sister would go into the forest to hunt—alone in the darkness.

Perhaps Nesta had failed her just as much.

She approached the Wall with that thought, her steps heavier somehow despite her best efforts to stay unseen. The beast that kidnapped Feyre may as well have been waiting on the other side, its claws already sharpened in anticipation. Nesta couldn’t see the other side—from where she stood, the forest simply seemed to continue well into the endless night. But Nesta knew—could practically taste the metallic tinge of magic on her tongue. It reminded her of blood.

She wondered how Feyre had withstood it—that strange feeling tingling on her skin as she stood inches from the Faerie border. As if she was being watched.

It could’ve all been in her head, Nesta thought, suddenly incredibly aware of just how loudly her heart was thudding in her chest, thrashing against her ribcage in desperation. Maybe once she crossed the Wall, it would abandon the same way the mercenary had.

What now? She’d made it all the way here—in one piece, as little consolation as it was. Nesta had no idea just how the golden beast had managed to drag Feyre to the faerie lands, but she strongly suspected her chances of succeeding were significantly smaller as a human. She had no magic—not even claws to shred that thin, metallic veil separating their worlds to pieces.

Nesta needed to find an opening.

There were cracks in the Wall. It was perhaps the only useful information she’d gotten out of the mercenary before he’d fled. If she could find a crack large enough for her to squeeze through…

She began heading eastward, at least according to Father’s old compass she’d found in one of the office drawers. Once again it wasn’t lost on her just how little the men in Nesta’s life contributed to her fate. Still, she murmured a “thank you” into the sky, hoping it would find Father in whatever corner of the world he’d sailed off to and pass along the message. It wasn’t though she’d ever get a chance to speak to him again.

Nesta was bracing for her own death.

She wasn’t exactly sure why she’d opted to walk East, but there was something about the direction that compelled her forward. The blood tasted different there, less of rust and metal and more of smoke floating above a fire. There was light somewhere out there, guiding her out of that darkness.

Or perhaps she was simply going insane.

The wind whooshed again then, tangling the loose strands of hair that had managed to find their way out of Nesta’s braid, and she stopped dead in her tracks.

It wasn’t the wind that made her halt, though, but a sound rising above the cold breeze. A loud snap—like the crack of a flame.

Slowly, Nesta turned towards the Wall.

But the Wall wasn’t there.

At first, all Nesta could see was the night—the dark sky sprawling over the hills, quiet and starless. The Wall must have been where the forest ended, where the labyrinths of moss and pine finally stretched into one, singular path.

And then, a spark.

A flash of silver that could easily be mistaken for a glittering star had it not disappeared as soon as it arrived. Had it not flickered again, and again, and again, followed by a wide, curved line of others.

Nesta stopped breathing entirely as she watched those sharp, silver teeth stretch into a smile. As wings, large and ancient like withered marble stretched over a pair of horns, over a body so large she could hardly meet its owner’s blood-red gaze.

Nesta knew what the creature was—she had seen it in her book’s illustrations, the same book the governess forbade the sisters from ever touching. The pages are cursed, she had told them. Plagued with the memory of the world we used to live in. A world unprotected by the Wall, a world of magic and monsters and death.

Right now, Death was staring right back at her. Smiling.

“Are you lost, little one?” the Attor asked, its voice like gravelly sand dragging over stone.

Nesta swallowed the fear in her throat—let it burn her voice cords to near ash as she rasped, “I am looking for someone.”

The monster’s smile widened, wings rustling as they moved to embrace her whole. “And she is looking for you.”

#the demand for this fic is low but i am nothing if not self indulgent #sjmromanceweek2024 #neris #neris fic #in which eris has fire in his blood and he fucks like it too #nesta x eris #nesta archeron x erisi vanserra #nesta archeron #nesta acotar #eris vanserra #eris acotar #acotar #a court of thorns and roses #my writing

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drarrily-we-row-along · 6 months

Text

Hey everyone.

Maybe some of you have noticed that my writing's been super sporadic since like June (if you haven't that's very okay) but I just wanted to write a little bit about what's been happening in my life because it's had a pretty big impact on my writing.

It turns out that I'm actually ace.

So, if you happen to notice an uptick in me writing fics with ace characters who still get to be loved, I'm just trying to process a thing.

Please feel free to skip the rest of this post if you're not interested in the harrowing journey of self discovery. I am absolutely giving too much information about my life, I'm just really working at processing everything and I'm hoping writing it out will help. And honestly, there have been some beautiful souls in the Tumblr community who have given me some beautiful encouragement (including but not limited to @basicallyahedgehog who answered an anon ask I sent them the other day with so much kindness and encouragement because I'd bawled my eyes out about one of their fics featuring ace Harry/Draco.).

(Anyway. If you want to read a ramble about all of the things I'm struggling with at the present moment, I'm gladly accepting advice and kindness at this time. Please read below the cut and chime in if you have anything hopeful to add.)

For most of my life I've pretty comfortably called myself a "picky bi" and in the past couple of years have labeled myself "demisexual" because I'm not sex repulsed; I've had sex, it was fine/good when it's with someone who I'm in love with. I moved on from the labeling, content with the label I'd given myself and whatnot.

It's been a minute (read: 8+ years) since I've been in a relationship that got to the point where I've considered having sex but I didn't really think all that much of it. In retrospect, I think this is largely because I've grown a lot in terms of self respect and honoring my own autonomy. Somewhere around 25, I started saying no when I didn't want something and if the other person didn't respect that decision they were not worth my time.

Anyway, it didn't really occur to me that perhaps going nearly a decade without thinking about/wanting to have sex with anyone (and without experiencing even vague aesthetic attraction to someone with only the odd exception here and there- some of you saw that post a couple of months ago, apparently just having the thought that someone is pretty isn't the same as attraction that allo people experience- so that panic now seems pretty unnecessary. It literally boggles my mind that people can just see a person they've never met and want to have sex with them. Anyway, I'm digressing.) Apparently, it's not a common occurrence even among demisexuals to go that long without thinking about sex if you have emotional intimacy with people (which I do). So fast forward to June when I went to a conference for lgbtqia christians and started listening to people talk about attraction.

To say that my experience of attraction and desire for sex is profoundly different than that of nearly all of the people that I talked to at that conference would be an understatement.

After that conference, I started talking to a lot of friends about their experience of attraction and their desire for sex (eventually this also included some new friends who are demi/ace) and have been a little flabbergasted by their responses. Suddenly, in light of the fact that my body doesn't interpret a lot of things the way that other peoples' seem to, a lot of things started to make sense.

I've been called a flirt (at best, and a [cock]tease in more unpleasant moments) my entire life because I always want to give people gentle physical affection; I love holding hands, touching people on the arm while we're having a conversation, playing with peoples' hair, hugging, leaning, the list is long- none of those things have ever felt like flirting to me. Every one of those actions was the end in itself, there was no artifice in my touches, no desire or even thought for more, but APPARENTLY that is not the thing that happens in a lot of peoples' bodies. It is incomprehensible to me that simple, affectionate touches are not something that everyone just wants to do to anyone that they harbor platonic affection for. This also applies to the way that I communicate with people. Again, I've been called a flirt, been told that I'm intense, been told that I'm trying to 'steal' peoples' boy/girl friends simply by being friends with them. APPARENTLY, showing "too much" interest in other peoples' lives and hobbies is flirting. APPARENTLY, getting really excited for people who are excited and doing cool things is flirting. Because (or so I have been told) the emotional energy I expend is too much to just be friends; surely, I have another angle.

Next, in terms of attraction, I experience attraction to beautiful things in nature in the same way that I experience it to people. If I'm being honest, nature makes my heart sing in a way that people usually don't. I can get caught up in the beauty of the world; the vastness of the ocean for literal hours, in the majesty of the mountains, the strength of trees, the way water carves a path through the rocks in glens and waterfalls. The world takes my breath away, it makes me weep just to exist in nature. Apparently, this in not everyone's experience of nature and apparently, many people who want to have sex don't think that trees, or bodies of water, or mountains have as much (or more, in my humble opinion) appeal than humans.

It's come to my attention that even the way that I have experienced heart break from relationships where I was "in love" and having sex is not the way that people typically experience heartbreak. All heart break feels the same to me; grieving leaving a job, grieving the death of a loved one, grieving horrible things that happen to my students, grieving the loss of friendships, and grieving the loss of a relationship feel like the same heart break. (Like some of those things hurt worse than others but the heart break over the loss of a relationship isn't worse.) One of my friends mentioned that I grieve the passing of summer into autumn (I fucking hate the winter) like the loss of a relationship and I wish I could say that she is wrong. I've been told my whole life that I experience my emotions too big and I just can't help but wonder if there is some sort of correlation there, but I digress.

The literal dream for my life is to have someone who wants to get in the car or on a plane and travel with me. Someone who I can make coffee for in the mornings and who wants to cook me dinner at night. Someone who wants to sit on the couch after a long day at work and talk about nothing, or watch a show, or just exist together. Someone who wants to dance with me in the kitchen, and hold my hand while we walk, who wants to smile at me while I ramble about nature. I want someone who wants to hold me when I cry, who wants to listen to me when I'm mad, someone who will remind me to take a break when I'm working too hard. The only thing that I actually want from a partner is just someone to do life with. It's not that I'm opposed to sex, it's just that it literally doesn't matter.

(So many things in past relationships, so many fights, so many of the reasons that I was left, so many things that I JUST DIDN'T UNDERSTAND make sense now. Or at least they're starting to.)

So. In the process of understanding this complete fuckery, of trying to put all of the pieces that haven't quite made sense in my life into order, in the end of July my best friend told me that she's in love with me.

And on the one hand, I'm fucking over the moon, delighted, honored, speechless, crazy-happy. She's literally the best person I have ever known, she's the kindest, sweetest, most loyal, loving, amazing human being to ever exist. She loves me so well, so completely, like all of the things that I said above that are my dream; that is her. We road trip together, and she lets me braid her hair, and we snuggle on the couch and watch movies, and we talk for hours (literally hours, when we road trip we go for 7-10 days at a time and I like do not shut the fuck up for more than like 5 minutes total the entire day and she loves me; loves listening to me talk about whatever is in my brain), and when I'm going on and on about how pretty things are in nature she looks at me like I'm the pretty thing (when I say, 'oh my gosh. that mountain, tree, lake, ocean, etc. is so beautiful.' she literally says 'you're so beautiful' and I am deceased, my heart can't take it, I can't fucking stop smiling- I don't even want to), and she lets me info dump about whatever I'm learning, and she loves my brain and my stupid adhd, and she plays me sappy love songs and sings them to me (and she sings in my car, sings to me even though she doesn't sing in front of people) and and and... she makes me feel like I'm good. She makes me feel like I'm all of the things that other people have said I'm not.

And I am constantly terrified of hurting her.

There are a variety of reasons we're not planning on having sex (partially because it's not really something that I want) that I'm not going to get into but I'm afraid of being what I've been to other people. I'm afraid of her feeling like I'm pushing her buttons because I just always want to be touching her (very platonically) like just having our shoulders bumping while we walk, or putting my head on her shoulder when we're on the couch, or letting our elbows press against one another while we're in the car. BUT what happens in our bodies when we're touching like that is really different. Like I described above, for me any type of touch is really the end goal in and of itself (if I'm braiding her hair, it's safe to assume that that is all I want to be doing. If I'm leaning against her on the couch, that too is what I'm wanting.) But that's not always how her body wants to interpret touch, even if she logically knows that I'm not intentionally teasing (she would never say that she feels like I'm trying to tease her, for the record, it's just the easiest way for me to articulate what it feels like could be happening).

And I love her so much, like so much; I'd do anything for her but it's not the same kind of love that she feels for me. By which I mean that she is just really gay and actively attracted to me emotionally/physically but for me if she started dating someone else, I'd be actually fine with that. If she was dating/having sex with someone I wouldn't be jealous, as long as we still get to be friends. (And maybe her dating would necessarily change the dynamic of our friendship and that would be really hard but that's a different mental exercise.) This isn't the way that she feels.

She is so special and important to me but even the way that we are aware of the other person's presence is different. For me, if I'm in a group of people and she's there, I'm aware of that on some level but it's not at the forefront of my mind. My brain is always sort of 'triaging' the people around me when they're my friends; who's being too quiet? who has been going through a rough patch with work/family, etc? who has an exciting new thing they need someone to squeal about with them? who hasn't been included in the conversation in too long? (see the paragraph above about flirting. haha.) She's there but she often isn't the first person I'm thinking about because I talk to her almost every day, I get to love her every day, and odds are good that we either drove together or will talk on the phone our way home from the event- I see the other people there less, so my brain just prioritizes them since I have less time to love them. (This is actually really good, healthy progress for me in terms of healthy attachment and not forming a codependent relationship. My therapist and I are really proud of the work I'm doing, but I'm digressing again.) For her, though, she always knows exactly where I am. It is work for her to pay attention to other conversations, work to be in a different room. In most situations, I am the person she defaults to thinking about and wanting to be near and she has to actively choose other things if she wants to. (And I don't mean to sound like an absolute asshole, it's not like I ignore her or anything, and I'm delighted for us to be in the same conversations, it's just a different way that we engage with the world.)

I love her so much. And I'm afraid of messing everything up. Of hurting her. Of asking too much of her without asking for anything at all. I try to let her be the one to initiate physical touch (or I ask first) because sometimes it's too hard on her body and that's fair. I feel frustrated with the different ways that we experience love for each other because the way that she loves me feels so good and safe to me and it makes me feel so happy. I'm afraid that the way that I love her doesn't feel as nice for her, that it feels less than, that the way I express my love and devotion isn't as good. I'm afraid that the way she loves me is going to wear her out. She always says she knows I love her just as much as she loves me, it's just different. She says she's okay, she says that the way I love her is good for her and she's happy. But it's hard to believe.

I'm afraid that she'll fall in love with someone else who can love her the way she loves and I won't matter to her anymore (partially because that's been my experience of people who have said they're in love with me). I'm afraid.

Is it even fair to entertain the idea of maybe having a whole life together? (we're already entertaining the ideas, already daydreaming about 'what if we lived together', where we're going on our next road trip, etc. And I'm terrified.) Is it asking her to give up too much? I would spend the rest of my life with her. I'd be good and kind to her, I would love her with so much tenderness. But is it enough? Am I enough with just the things that I have to give? Is it actually possible for someone to love me for just me and not for the ways that I could contort myself to be something I'm not?

I recognize the irony in what I'm asking. I know that that's what all of these hundreds of stories I've written here say, it's what I want to believe. But is it even possible when it's reality?

I don't know. Does anyone have any good advice? Any ace people out there living with a person who's in love with them? Does anyone have something that's lasted?

#please send help #c rambles #i'm ace and i'm having a hard time with it #genuinely- I do know this is way too much information #I won't blame anyone if no one reads all of this #but i'll love you forever if you reply with something that makes me feel a little less lost and terrified #ace

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oletus-manors-log · 8 months

Note

⚰️ ah !! i noticed it says we're still allowed to send you letters , still . if not then disregard this with my apologies ! if it is alright , could i request a norton campbell x reader ? i was thinking of something akin to taking care of each other after a match . it can be a small drabble or short story preferably , if that is alright . your writing is something i only recently stumbled upon , and i think it is incredible ! you are very talented , and i am wishing you the best !! thank you for reading , take care , observer !

OBSERVER'S NOTE:

" Hello, and yes, I'm still open to receiving letters (requests). Don't worry, you didn't do anything wrong (unless you were one of my mutuals, in case... I do apologize for the potential hurt I end up causing /lh).

The request with Norton is so cute though- the idea of the prospector and his s/o taking care of each other after a match and especially against a hard one where the two won? Oh, it's so cute. I do hope this lives up to your expectation, even if it took me ages to get to this (also I kept this for too long because your words made my weeks because it's been stressful).

Again, I hope you enjoy this drabble! I enjoyed writing this a little too much, haha. "

Wounded Afterthought

It was a rare sight to see Norton be with someone like this, and especially with the mere thought of him being worried about another person after a tough match. People had assumed that he would simply ignore them, just like what he did to everyone else.

However, the same cannot be said for those that knew him well.

"How are you feeling?" he asked quietly as he patched them up, his eyes focused onto the scabs and scratches they got. They went up against Polun (from what he heard), so he knew that it had went rough. He could hardly believe that they had a tie with how difficult the triplets were in their streak.

... The only saving grace, however, was that it had been Arms Factory and there were more competent survivors that made sure to keep the team together.

Feeling a gloved hand on his shoulder, he turned his head to you, who simply shook your head. Ah. He must've looked terrifying, hm?

"I'm fine, Norton," he heard you answer, the feeling of the weight of your hand leaving as you placed it on your lap. Your attire had been torn, but it was better than last time.

Good, you aren't too heavily injured, he mused, sighing. "Quartz, you know that I'm doing this out of worry. Polun is a hard one to deal with, let alone escape against with the team you were with."

There goes an endearing nickname he called you— Quartz. He calls you something else, however, but that was the most frequent he'd choose. Unknowingly, of course.

"I know that. However, everyone wasn't as terrible against him, Norton," you reasoned, raising your left hand to gently cup his. Your gloved thumb traced over his cheek, and although he didn't want to show he liked it, you two could see him lean over involuntarily.

"After all, if they were, I wouldn't be here in your arms now, would I?"

Norton couldn't find an answer to that.

It was, unfortunately, true. If you had been hurt, he wouldn't have you in his grasp— he would've had you under Emily's care. And yet here you are, bandaged up, clothes torn, but still alive.

He couldn't help but sigh and bury his head on the crook of your neck, closing his eyes right after. He let go of you to simply adjust the position of his arms, wrapping it around your body to keep you close to him.

He wouldn't admit it, of course, but you can be quite stubborn for a priest. Not that he particularly cares— to him, what mattered was your safety, not your occupation.

... That, and unlike that Priestess, you rely on your own wits and snap decision to save you from being chaired.

Perhaps it's why he is so protective of you, and yet he simply backs off when you prove him wrong. After all, how could he when you both knew that you were right?

"... Maybe not. But I'd still like to make sure you're not in danger, if I can help it," he admitted, making you laugh at his own concern. He would normally grunt when someone else does it, but he didn't have the heart to do it to you.

You, a priest, who have left your past beliefs to find faith in a different God.

"Dear, with you on my side, I'll never be in danger. I can promise you that."

And for a mere moment, Norton knew those words rang true than the ones written in scripture.

#✎ . . . 「 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙋𝙍𝙊𝙎𝙋𝙀𝘾𝙏𝙊𝙍 」 ➠ ❝ Norton Campbell ❞#✎ . . . 「 𝙁𝙊𝙍𝙂𝙊𝙏𝙏𝙀𝙉 𝘿𝙍𝘼𝙁𝙏𝙎 」 ➠ ❝ drabbles ❞#identity v #identity v writing #idv #identity v survivor #identity v x you #identity v x reader #idv x reader #identityv x reader #idv x you #identityv x you #identityv prospector #identity v prospector #identityv norton #identity v norton #idv prospector #idv norton

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tillthelandslide · 11 months

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Insufferable Arsehole Part 8: When We Are Together - Matty Healy Series

A/N: sooo you may have seen my poll, you may not have, but I've come to the decision to post what I have written for this series and then take a little break from it... I love this series but recently have been feeling a bit stuck with it, I have so many ideas but I'm sure where they fit and whether there even is an end to this story. My goal is to eventually finish it so don't worry! I hope you guys are okay with that. The support has been amazing so thank you all so much.

In other news (for my Ross girlies) I will be posting the first chapter to my new series, entitled Pressure, very soon!

Warnings: bit long, probably spelling mistakes

Series Masterlist

Part 7

Lou's phone ringing on her bedside table is what stirs her from her peaceful slumber. The dozing man next to her awakens with a groan as she awkwardly untangles her limbs from him, apologising for the loud interference as she removes herself from the bed. His soft features find hers and he smiles before his eyes are drifting shut once more. She quickly throws on his shirt which rests on the ground amongst the rest of their clothes.

She stubs her toe on the bedside table as she grabs her phone, the name "Rose" lights up her screen, a picture of her and the drummer of her band can be seen.

"Fuck" she says attempting to shake of the pain, Matty mumbles a "you alright love?" His face now buried in his pillow.

"Yeah go back to sleep" she says, answering the phone, covering up the speaker until she's on their balcony. The morning breeze is far too cold and considering she's just wearing Matty's Tshirt, she'd be surprised if she didn't get frostbite.

"Lou, are you there?" She hears her friend say.

"Yes I'm here sorry" she looks at her phone seeing the clock said 5am, she puts the phone back to her ear

"Rose I love you but it's 5 in the morning, what time is it there?" She asks, not keeping a track of what time it is in her home town like she usually would.

"That doesn't matter, what matters is that I've just seen pictures of you and Matty holding hands and cuddling. Last time we spoke you said you're seeing how things go" she explains. Shit they did get caught she thinks , it's fine Matty said we will deal with the consequences together.

"That's exactly what I'm doing, Rose. Seeing how things go, I'm not filtering myself for anyone, I'll do what I want and that's exactly what Im doing" she explains. Rose chuckles on the other end of the line, Lou's words perfectly described herself, never one to filter herself for the sake of others.

"We respect that, you know we do. One of the things we love most about you... We're just worried you're going to get hurt" Rose explains, Rose was one of the most genuine people she had ever met, she was similar to Hann in the fact she would say it how it is although perhaps a little more carelessly and sometimes brutally than Hann.

"We? So you've spoken to Mia and Cami too... Great'' she says, eyes rolling. Mia was the band's bassist (and her sister) and Cami was their lead guitarist.

"I mean... Mia is blindly happy for you, you know what she's like" Rose says.

Mia is around 5 years younger than Lou (having joined the band reasonably late, a fact that Ross and Lou had jokingly argued about as the band didn't have a bassist for a while), they had always been close but one thing they loved about their relationship was they weren't dependent on each other. Despite spending all her time with the 1975 in her childhood, only George had met her band members, they weren't very interested in becoming friends with them, far too happy in doing their own thing.

Mia lived in London for almost all of their childhood, they'd only see each other during holidays or special occasions, something about that dynamic made them closer (which most people found odd). Mia had played bass since she was around 8 and she had joined the band 5 years after they got famous.

"I love her... She's my sister and all but she'd be happy if I found a penny on the floor" Lou says making Rose chuckle, knowing it was true. Despite having different Mum's, their families always encouraged the sisters to appreciate life intricacies, the small things.

"We're just looking out for you L" she says, the nickname only her band members gave her. She remembers the first time George visited the band on tour during one of the 75s breaks, he practically cringed at the nickname, she was and always would be his "Lou" and the fact others had different nicknames for her didn't sit too well at first.

"I know" she says, knowing they never did anything with less than pure intentions. "but listen... We're a family here, if anything happens they'll protect me" she says, not that she needed protecting. Rose finds her heart sinking slightly at her friend's words, as if their own band weren't a family. But she saw the way Lou was with the 75, how undoubtedly happy she was and she knew to push the selfish thought down.

"You seem really happy" Rose finally says and Lou smiles at that.

"I am..." She can't help but smile widely. She could easily go on to tell Rose how she's having the time of her life, how she's never felt this happy, how something feels different with the guys (something she has been struggling to explain), how Matty makes her feel seen and loved (something no guy has come close to before). But she doesn't, wanting it to be her secret for now.

"I'm also really fucking cold right now" she laughs, goosebumps rising to her skin as the wind makes Matty's shirt blow around her.

"Why?" Rose is laughing at her then.

"I'm on a balcony"

"why?" She's asking again, the two of them laughing.

"Matty's asleep... Like I said it's 5am" she says and she hears her friend sigh on the other end of the line, a happy sigh.

"Matty aye? Sharing a room are you?"

"Shut up" she chuckles. Her voice lowers and she whispers her next words "he told me he loved me Rose".

"Wow. That's big" she says and Lou's nodding even though Rose can't see her.

"Do you love him?" Rose asks, already suspecting the answer.

"Yeah"

"Well shit... Guess we're coming to the next show then. Got to see what Matthew Healy is like nowadays. Can't be the same old Ratty you used to kick about with" she says making Lou laugh loudly.

"I miss you guys" she says, the 1975 were her family, everything was intense. But with her own band she had fun (not that she didn't with the boys) but it was different.

"Is George still as fit as the good old days?" She asks and Lou can't help but laugh again.

"Pack it in, you know he's in a happy, healthy relationship" Lou explains.

"Too bad, don't know how you didn't jump his bones every time you were with him"

"Ew... Just ew. He's like my brother"

"And that Ross.... Damn. And I hear hanns going to be a daddy? That's hot."

"Okay Rose I'm hanging up now" Lou says and with two I love yous, she's slipping back into their room, seeing Matty awake and scrolling through his phone, smiling down at the screen.

"You know we look quite cute in these pictures" he says, eyes meeting hers. She's quick to jump on the bed, chin hooking onto his shoulder to peek at his screen. They did look cute and more importantly they looked happy. She smiles as Matty screenshots the photos.

"Deal with the consequences together, yeah?" Matty says, Lou nods at him, smiling as his lips press against hers.

"The first of which will be a very angry Jamie... And probably Gregg too" she says, Matty scrunching up his nose in agreement.

"Yeah...." His voice trails off making her giggle.

"I don't care... I'm happy"

"Me too love" he says, another kiss being delivered to her mouth.

"Rose called, think her and the girls want to come to the next show" she explains and Matty nods, typing something on his phone to Jamie, asking him to sort out their travel and to save them three tickets.

"Thank you" she says.

"If I remember correctly... They don't like me all that much do they?" He says and she's the one furrowing her nose at him, shaking her head.

"Guess I'll have to prove them wrong" and she almost dies at those words, lips harshly pressing against his. He groans as he pushes against her, her back hitting the bed.

"You're insatiable" he says, making her nod as her hands pull him in by the hips, forcing them to come into contact with hers in a sharp grind. She quickly finds him hard and resting against his abdomen and it doesn't take long before he's inside her.

"Jesus Christ" he groans, throwing his head back as her hands interweave into his curls. He's never going to get used to this.

----------------------------------------------------------

"You're supposed to tell me shit like this before you just decide to do it" Jamie says, his voice raised slightly, not shouting but firm and pointed.

Matty was standing in the centre of the room. George, Hann, Ross, John, and Jamie were all watching from the opposite side of the room, each of their arms crossed, ready to defend the pair if they needed to.

Carly (who had arrived this morning) and Polly were seated next to Lou on a large leather sofa.

"Come on man! It's not that big of a deal, we were holding hands, not making out" Matty says and Lou can't help but smirk.

"You know we have rules" Jamie says, making Matty (and all the boys scoff)

"I mean he's done worse" George says and Jamie whips around to see him, his finger pointing at the large man. Lou can't help but chuckle.

"Don't you start" and then he's turning to her now and her smile drops "and you"

"How am I supposed to explain this to your manager huh? How are we supposed to explain this to the fans?" Jamie asks. He was never really one to worry about these kinds of things, things were usually very chilled with him, it was one of the reasons the guys loved having him as their manager.

"Is it really that big of a deal?" Lou asks, Matty's eyes find hers and soften.

"Jamie listen" Lou says and the boy's manager finds her eyes and then soften, he had grown to have a soft spot for her "ignore Matty for a second" she says making everyone including the curly haired man laugh.

"When have I ever done anything problematic?" She asks and Jamie can't think of a single time, she was a saint (in the eyes of their fans anyway, Matty knew what she was truly like behind closed doors).

"We will do whatever you and Gregg want us to do... We just got caught up in the moment, okay?" Lou says and Jamie smiles at that, appreciating her words.

"You know what... Do whatever... We will deal with it" Jamie then says, almost completely giving in. The whole group smiled at that, the spirits lifted almost immediately. He goes to leave the room, turning back at the last minute.

"You're both serious about this right? This isn't some fuck around?" Jamie asks, already knowing the answer but wanting to confirm. They both share a look before looking at him again. They nod and he smiles.

"Well... Good" he says before leaving.

George hugs Matty as Lou is hugged by both Carly and Polly. She hadn't gotten much time to spend with the girls so when Matty's eyes found hers, although he wants nothing more than to spend time with her, he lets her have her own time with them.

"Look at you, you're glowing" Lou says, smiling at her friend. Carly smiles back at her thinking the same thing about Lou.

"How are you feeling? Can I get you anything?" Her words are rushed and Carly laughs, as does Poly.

"Lou calm down, I'm fine. Thank you though" she says sweetly. They continue talking and at some point Poly leaves them and soon after Hann joins, hooking a protective arm around his wife as his other hand toys with his wedding band. Lou always cries at the sight, feeling awfully sentimental today.

The couple stare at each other for a few seconds, smiles resting on their lips before they're both turning to look at her.

"Why are you both looking at me like that?" Lou asks, making them laugh.

"We've been meaning to ask you something" Adam says, words quiet so only the three of them could hear.

"We were wondering," Carly says, looking at her husband before looking at Lou again.

"When the baby is born... If you'd be godmother" Carly says and as skin as the words come out, tears are springing to Lou's eyes.

"Wh-what?" She stutters, completely unsure why they'd ask her of all people, she appreciates it nonetheless but is very confused.

"Truth is we wouldn't even be married if it wasn't for you" Adam says.

"That's not true" Lou says and Carly raises her eyebrows at her.

"Regardless... You've always been so welcoming of me, and so so supportive. And whenever I'm here, you're always the first to check up on me and the baby" Carly speaks, hands resting over her bunk as Adam nods next to her.

"You don't have to say yes. We'd just love it if you did. You know what you mean to us" Hann says and Lou is pulling them both into a tight hug, careful of the bump resting between them.

"I'd be honoured"

----------------------------------------------------------

The next evening Lou is pacing backstage at another venue, anxiously awaiting the arrival of her band of which included her baby sister (definitely not a baby but oh well). They had planned something special for this show, seeing as her bandmates were going to be there, the boys asked her to sing a song on her own, any song she liked.

"Lou you're making me anxious, stop pacing" George says, leisurely chilling on one of the sofas, Matty sitting next to him, a smirk resting on his face.

"Why are you smirking?" She quips at the man, who's curls have been tamed by an obscene amount of hair gel.

"Like seeing you like this, it's cute" he says, pulling her into his lap as she walks past them, stopping her pacing altogether.

"That's better" Matty says, making Lou giggle as he swarms her neck with light pecks.

"Absolutely disgusting" George says, standing to leave the pair of them.

"He's just jealous," Lou says, making Matty nod.

"Why are you anxious darling?" Matty says, nudging his nose lightly against hers.

"I haven't seen them in a while, I've missed them like crazy and I'm just.... I'm worried they're going to see what I'm like with you guys... And like hate me or something" Lou admits.

"You're crazy" Matty says, laughing at her "I don't know how many times I have to tell you love, but no one could hate you" he says, his words so simple but completely easing her thoughts.

"I love you" she says freely now, the man smiles widely down at her, pressing his mouth to hers sweetly.

"I love you more"

They hear a door open behind them, Lou jumping from her place in his lap, turning around to see three women standing in the hallway with Jamie. One of which runs towards her, screaming loudly, she jumps and Lou catches her as she laughs.

"Oh my god Mia you're not a child, I can't carry you anymore" Lou says, struggling to hold her sister up.

"I have fucking missed you bro" Mia says as she's placed back down, punching her older sister in the arm.

"Ouch" Lou says, all of the boys watch with their mouths open. Lou was talking to someone who looked almost identical to her, although her sister's hair was much lighter than hers and shorter too, her skin slightly paler, far less tattoos covering her body.

Rose and Cami are pulling her into a tight hug next, the four of them nattering like a bunch of mothers waiting to pick up their kids.

"Oh shit. Sorry" Lou turns to the guys who are still watching, mouth agape at the four of them. George is quick to stand up, pulling them all into hugs, muttering "long them no sees" to each of them.

"Of course you know George..." Lou says as she begins to introduce the guys. Every single one of them fawns over the man, making her roll her eyes, pointing her fingers at them, telling them to stop which makes George laugh. He knew they did it on purpose, to get under Lou's skin but he can't help but let it get to his ego too.

George wraps up Mia in a hug "how's my favourite sister doing?" He asks just to annoy Lou.

"Ha ha very funny" Lou says, pushing her best friend lightly as he wraps his arm around her too.

"This is Ross, Adam but we call him Hann, Carly: Adam's wife and mother of his unborn child" she says pointing to each of them, making everyone laugh at her words about Carly. She doesn't mention that she's going to be the child's godmother, wanting to savour that fact for a while.

"Penny, Jamie, John and... Matty" she's smiling at them and all the girls smile at everyone introduced, waving at them. The girls can't help but notice how Matty stares at her, his eyes set on no one else but her, a huge smile resting on his mouth. One look and they could see he was smitten.

"This is Rose our drummer, Cami our lead guitarist and my little sister Mia, who's our bassist" she smiles as she speaks, hooking her arm around Mia at the last instance.

"How did I not know you had a sister?" It's Matty who's speaking, almost all of the girls scowling at him, apart from Mia. He shares a look with the other guys, all of them shrugging, all of them knew she had a sister (although only George had met her) , how the fact had escaped the attention of Matty they did not know. He feels awful that he doesn't know, and wonders why he hadn't told her.

"Don't talk about me then sis? Oh how you wound me" her sister says, making her laugh and nudge her.

"Na, just kidding, it's all good. I lived in London, same dad, different mum" Mia explains, coming to pull Matty into a hug to properly introduce herself. Lou stands there watching them, finger in-between teeth as she watches how Matty freezes up awkwardly, the scene makes her chuckle.

"Mia stop being weird" she says, pulling her sister back from Matty.

The rest of them talk then, the girls talking to various people at scattered times. Mia stands with Matty and Lou, catching up about all sorts of things. Rose and Cami talk to Ross, Hann and Carly.

"Who's the one with the bun again?" Mia asks and Lou rolls her eyes as Matty smirks, knowing exactly why she's asking.

"That would be Ross, OUR bassist' ' Matty says, smirk clear on his face. His arm was wrapped tightly around Lou's waist, holding him to her. Mia thought they looked cute together and she couldn't help but smile at the huge smile resting on her older sister's face. She had never seen her this happy before.

"That's Ross?!" Mia almost shouts, catching the attention of the tall bearded man.

"Shut up" Lou says, Mia and her share a look, confusing Matty slightly. Mia was one of the only people that knew Lou and Ross shared a kiss when they were teenagers for they told each other everything.

"He's gotten a lot fitter than when you knocked about with them" Mia says, her London accent a lot more prominent as she speaks.

"You need to stop" Lou says, Matty and her laughing at the slightly smaller girl. Matty's eyes flick between them, eyebrows raising.

"Sorry I can't get over how similar you look, you seriously have different mum's? " Matty says, making them both groan.

"Oh god don't say that" they say in unison, Matty holds his hands up in surrender at the daggers they shoot.

"Forget I mentioned it" he's being pulled away by someone else then. Leaving the two sisters alone.

"I mean... I like him" Mia says, grasping her sister by the shoulders. Rose joins their conversation.

"That's because you didn't see how completely unbearable he was when we were kids" Rose says, beer in hand that Lou is completely unsure how she got.

"Alright Rose we get it. Give the poor guy a chance, people change" Cami speaks and Lou is thankful to her.

"So tell us, are the rumours true?" Rose then asks.

"What rumours?" Lou asks, eyebrows furrowing at her bandmate.

"The rumours when we were kids.... That he's a good shag" rose says, always one to be forefront with her questions, something which often got them into trouble.

"You know what, you carry on mingling, I need a fag" Lou chuckles before finding her way out of one of the side doors, she hears them all laughing behind her.

The cigarette quickly finds its place in-between her lips, lighter sparking, the end burning as she breathes it in. She hears the door open and then shut behind her but she doesn't turn. She doesn't need to, she can smell two familiar scents: one of the man she loved and one of her life long best friend.

There's a silence for a few seconds as they light their own cigarettes, Matty's arm hooking around her waist when he sees her shiver.

"Sorry Lou but your sister is fitter than the last time I saw her" George says, making her cringe and making Matty chuckle.

"Ew. Just ew. And you have a girlfriend" Lou says simply, she doesn't miss how Matty leans in whispering a "you're fitter" into her ear. It's kind of a weird compliment, she never once compared herself to her sister, but she can't deny the way his words make her thighs tighten. She suppose it's because he's the one saying it and she's the one he wants when there's plenty of other beautiful girls, including the ones back inside, who he could easily get.

"They seem nice" Matty then says, loud enough for them both to hear.

"They are. But they're fucking mental though. Sorry if Rose is a bitch to you, her heart is in the right place" Lou explains, talking to Matty now, ignoring her best friend.

"It's okay, I get it. I was a dick remember?" Matty asks and Lou and George nod at him, all three of them laughing at his words.

"Cami is an absolute sweetheart so you don't have to worry about anything with her... Maybe just" she turns to Matty, placing a hand on her chest "watch what you say" this makes George laugh.

"And Mia... Keep her away from Ross will you? She's small but she will break that man" Lou says, her words shocking the two men, making them laugh anyway.

"Really?" George says, raising his eyebrows "maybe he needs to be broken" and Lou is groaning at his words.

"Don't you even try George" she says, the man flicking his fag to the floor, running back inside, giggling like an absolute child.

"George!" She shouts, giving in when the door swings back. She turns back to Matty then, who is smiling widely at her. His curls have once again been tamed by an unruly amount of hair gel, she almost frowns at the fact she can't run her fingers through the strands.

"Remind me why you didn't tell me you had a sister?" He asks and she frowns at him, thinking of an answer, not really having a definite one.

"Hmmm... I dunno. Guess I never thought to tell you before... And now... Think I was too wrapped up in you to tell you" she says, feeling a bit bad that she hadn't mentioned her own sister.

"As much as I love that... Told you I wanted to know everything about you" he says and she nods.

"I know... You'll get to know her now though, she loves you already so you definitely don't have to worry about her" she seals her words with a brief kiss.

"You seem different around them" Matty admits, making her eyebrows furrow, not knowing whether the meaning behind his words was a good or bad difference.

"How?" She asks, he smooths his hands over her waist, pulling her closer as his back leans against the concrete of the wall.

"You're like the leader of their pack, they all look to you, you shine" he admits and his eyes sparkle as he speaks "like seeing you shine". She doesn't quite know what to say but opts for the truth.

"I've actually been enjoying not being the frontman for a bit... Happy to be in the background and bask in your light" she says, his heart flutters at her words.

"Oh honey..." His fingers tucking a piece of hair behind her ear that had fallen, choosing to gently grip her chin instead of dropping back to his side.

"You've got your own light, even at the back... Everyone's looking at you" he says and she doesn't believe his words. She had a few of her own fans come to their gigs but the majority were there to see the boys and Matty, of course because it was their show, she was just there to help. She shakes her head at him, making him chuckle.

"Wish you could see yourself the way I see you... The way thousands of people see you. Trust me darling... You shine" he seals his lips against hers now, not letting her utter another word. His words had some truth to them that she didn't see, the guys often found themselves watching her even on that stage, she radiated something more than any of them could give.

And Matty especially couldn't take his eyes off her, she was everything, up on that stage, in a coffee shop, amongst friends, under the covers in their room: she shined.

Their lips move passionately against each other, neither able to get enough of each other. He's pulling her as she pulls him, trying to get closer even though it wasn't possible.

Neither of them had spoken about the fact that in two days they would be at the end of the first leg of their tour. They'd been setting off on a three week break, every single person had made plans except the two of them, too wrapped up in each other to have spoken about it.

The door creaks open next to them and they hear someone cough. They pull apart, both looking to see sweet Cami standing there.

"They're calling you on stage" Lou appreciates that she makes no crude comments, and doesn't groan at the sight of them.

They leave to play then, the crowd like no other tonight. She doesn't know if it's because she has her bandmates and her sister here or maybe because things are going so well with Matty, but the smile on her face never leaves. They play song after song, each one better than the last and when the second half rolls round and Matty introduces them, he surprises her.

"So we have two more shows after this one... And then we're on a three week break" he mentions it now and suddenly it dawns on her.

" I haven't made any plans... I've been a little distracted..." He says, looking over to her, making the crowd go mental "the truth is I've been having the time of my life with someone truly truly amazing and I'm the happiest I've ever been" he says. She thinks that his words are good enough for her for now, that's all the fans really need to know.

"This tour... We had someone amazing join us... I wasn't overjoyed at first, everyone on this stage right now would tell you that... Including her, especially her" he says and they all chuckle to themselves, Lou's eyes never wavering from his.

"But my god... George" he says turning around to face his best mate "thank you" he says, hands flat against each other, raising them to his chin as he tilts his head.

"Thank you to these boys right here" he says, pointing to Hann, George and then Ross "for making the best decision ever and bringing this wonderful person on tour with us" Matty says, finally pointing to her. Some fans may think he's just being sentimental, thanking her for joining them this far. Some will know the true meaning to his words, all but confirming what they were.

"Our wonderful Lou, would you come here for a second please?" He asks, and exactly as they planned she walks over to him, smiling as he pulls her into a tight hug before they pull back, his hand resting on her shoulder.

"Now you've got an absolute treat tonight" Matty says and someone passes her, her acoustic guitar. Matty moves from his stool and lets her sit there.

"The amazing Lou everyone" he says before he's leaving, everyone leaves the stage then, joining the girls backstage and watching from the sidelines.

"God this is daunting" she says into the microphone, making the crowd laugh "Yeah I know this is my job but I haven't been up here on my own for a hot minute" they laugh again.

She's shining again Matty thinks, god he loved how she shines.

"Boys please come back" she says, everyone laughing again.

"Okay okay" she says, shaking her nerves off as she begins checking if the guitar is in tune.

"I need to say a couple of things before I start, unplanned I know" she says, saying her last words to the guys on the side of the stage.

"Can't let Matty say all that without me saying anything" she laughs and she sees him smile at her.

"My band is here tonight" the crowd screams "my little sister"

"And I can't remember a time where I felt as happy as I do now. We're a family here at the 1975... I know that more than anything else" she says her words making the boy's eyes fill with tears.

"I guess I just want to say thank you to the whole team... And to my four boys, you know I'm not the best with words so I've been wanting to do something to show you guys how much you mean to me instead. So I thought I'd sing you a beautiful song. One which you wrote. This is for you" she says, beginning to play the beginning chords to "When We Are Together".

She plays a stripped back version of the song, somehow making it more sentimental, the boys find themselves hugging each other backstage.

Matty stares at her intently as she sings, the voice he loves so much filling the entire arena, he's in awe that the entire audience is silent, simply listening to her sing.

"You ask about the cows, wearin' my sweater

It's somethin' 'bout the weather that makes them lie down

The only time I feel I might get better is when we are together" she sings, her voice soft and sweet, undeniably beautiful.

She sings the song to the end, only then looking up at the audience. Her own eyes glisten with tears that are yet to fall but they do when she sees everyone holding up their phone, a few people crying their own tears. The boys are quick to join her on stage, hugging her tightly in a group hug before they return to their places on the stage.

"I love you" Matty mouths to her making her smile and mouth an "I love you too" back. Neither caring that thousands of people were watching them.

----------------------------------------------------------

George somehow ropes them all into a night out. Explaining that they hadn't had one yet despite being nearly at the end of their first leg. It was a rare occurrence for the band not to have had one, but they had all agreed that until they were all settled they wouldn't have a crazy night out.

But as the first leg was coming to an end, they had all agreed it was much needed and well deserved. Plus, the addition of Lou's bandmates had them all in high spirits.

"Got to give the newbies a proper 75 welcome" Ross says, wrapping an arm around Lou, pulling her into his side.

"Hey I'm not a newbie anymore" she argues back, jokingly shoving the man above her, shrugging away from his grip.

"But you haven't been out with us losers since we were teenagers" he quips back and she can't argue with that.

So they all rushed back to their hotel, the girls taking up Lou's room which was yet to be touched. Matty frowns as she disappears between the doors, leaving him to get ready on his own. Lou quickly showers, slicks back her hair into a high pony and applies some make up, not too much on her face but a dark eye, before joining the girls back in her room, wrapped up in a white robe.

"Feel like seeing how much that man has the hots for you?" Cami says, making Lou laugh as she searches through her suitcase. The girls seemed to have come prepared, suspecting that a night out would be on the agenda.

"We're not going anywhere fancy Cami, George knows some dj at this club and they've got us a booth" she explains, failing to mention that it was in the VIP section, something she didn't like to brag about. Cami holds up a silk dress with a deep v and a high slit, Lou shakes her head "too fancy".

Cami mutters an "okay okay" before she proceeds to throw more things from her suitcase, a mischievous look on her face as she puts together a few items.

One of which is a skirt that is far too short even for Lou, she had thrown all sorts of items in there, some of which she hadn't worn in ages.

"Cami that skirt it so fucking short" Lou says, unsure about it, and the slit that revealed half her thigh. Cami proceeds to throw the skirt at her, along with a deep v lace bodysuit and a cropped blazer.

"Just try it on" she says, the other girls nodding. Lou sighs deeply.

"Don't encourage her" she says, pointing to the other girls.

She makes her way to the en-suite bathroom, removing her robe before putting on the assortment of clothes Cami had selected. She finds herself smirking at her reflection, her ego was far from big but she knew that one look from Matty and he'd be on his knees.

She makes her way back into the room, her bandmates gasping at her.

"That's it. That's the one. I'm a genius" Cami says, placing a kiss on each of her cheeks.

"I'd do you" Rose says, making them all laugh, her fingertips pluck the "M" necklace that rests against the centre of her chest, just falling in-between her boobs. Rose smiles and lifts an eyebrow.

"Can't lie... That's undeniably cute" she says and Lou smiles.

"I know I give him shit... And I will continue to until I see fit" rose says making Lou laugh "but it's obvious he's madly in love with you... And you seem really happy" she says and Lou nods at her.

"I am... I don't even remember what it was like before... I hated him because I thought he hated me... As soon as I found out he didn't, everything kind of just fell in to place" Lou explains, mia standing up to hug her sister.

The other girls get ready after that, Lou helping them do their hair and make up, hearing the guys laughing from outside.

Rose wears a simple black dress that sits tightly on her body, Cami settles for a black pair of skinny jeans and a lace bralette, whilst Mia adorns leather trousers and black one shoulder bodysuit.

"You guys are going to give them heart attacks," Lou says, making all the girls laugh.

They then make their way into the main room, Lou the last to leave, before she does she hears George say "Was wondering why you took so long but now I understand. Look lovely girls" he says, his words fairly tame in comparison to what she'd thought he'd say.

"Where's the woman of the hour?" He jokes before she steps into the threshold. Her eyes find Mattys almost instantly and she can't help but smirk at him.

He was sitting on one of the sofas, legs spread wide almost as if he's ready for her to take her place in them. He shoots up as soon as he sees her, tugging at the shirt that rests almost uncomfortably around his neck now.

He's dressed in black suit trousers, a plain white T Shirt tucked in with a black shirt thrown over the top, the buttons almost all undone except two at the bottom, the shirt is sheer and she holds back moan as she sees him. His hair isn't tamed by gel now, unruly curls sat atop his head, ready to be tugged.

"Damnnn" George says, hand reaching for hers and getting his best friend to do a twirl, which makes her laugh. She didn't notice Matty coming over to her but she sure as hell notices the look he gives George, one in which she had never seen before.

His eyes warned his best friend to watch his mouth and George instantly stepped away, he was being territorial and she was surprised with how much she liked the feeling.

"Baby..." He practically whispers, hands coming to find her waist, gently pulling her body to his, his touch is unsure, as if he thought he wasn't deserving of it. Behind them, everyone begins talking to each other, letting the couple be.

"You look..." He swallows deeply and the sight kills her. She's glad her outfit had the outcome she had desired but as his dark eyes find hers she finds herself lost for words. Her eyebrows raise up at him, begging him to finish his sentence.

"Devine..." He says, as if she's a meal to devour. She couldn't care in the slightest, she loved how he much he wanted her and how little he tried to hide it.

"Hmm" she says, hands flat against his chest, she doesn't even beginning to describe how good he looks before George is interrupting them.

"We should probably leave before these two start fucking" George says, making everyone chuckle.

The club is loud and George disappears the minute they arrive, talking to the DJ of the night who lets George take rein of the music for a bit. The others find themselves at their booth, drinks already waiting for them.

Matty's hand is firmly clasped on her thigh as his other arm hooks around the back of her. His hand comes to fit at the back of her neck and she finds herself loving the feel of it. His grasp wasn't too tight but wasn't exactly soft and she has to stop herself from pressing her lips against his.

Ross is sat opposite them talking to Mia, her hand rests on his knee as they talk over the loud music. Cami and Rose are already on the dance floor, laughing with each other as they danced and drank.

He leans into speak to her, having to place his mouth directly next to her ear for her to hear "saw about 6 different guys stare at you as we walked in love" he says, almost proud of the fact.

"Yeah?" She asks and he smirks.

"Don't blame them, you look fucking hot" he says, making her chuckle and lean into him.

"Bet it must feel nice knowing I'm yours huh?" She asks and his smirk falls, mouth agape for a beat before his lips find hers for a firm peck.

"You're not mine yet love, not really. You could go over to any one of them right now and do what you wanted" he speaks and she smiles at him, shaking her head at his words. His words which were just to test her. He wanted nothing more than for her to say his words weren't true.

"Its shame for them then isn't it?" She says making his eyebrows furrow, not knowing what she meant.

"Shame I want you and not them" she says, standing from the booth, hand finding his as she stands.

"Besides" she says, leaning down to him until her mouth grazes his ear, making him shiver "if I'm not yours... you should do something about that" she says before looking at Mia.

"Want to dance?" She asks and Mia smiles widely, standing almost instantly. Lou notices the clear frown on Ross' lips and she smiles, raising her eyebrows at the bearded man.

The two girls quickly make their way to the dance floor positioning themselves so they can be seen by the guys (who's eyes never leave them).

Ross and Cami are quick to find them, the four of them dancing with each other, laughing and drinking.

Lou feels a tap to her shoulder so she turns, looking up at a guy who she doesn't recognise, a 6 ft something guy who, if she wasnt completely smitten with Matty she would find attractive, he had curls too but they weren't the same as Matty's, he looks sweet, a we'll put together man who no doubt has a large sum to his name. She stands there awkwardly waiting for the man to speak.

"Sorry I saw you across the room and just had to say hi" he speaks the cliche line and she chuckles.

"Does that line usually work for you?" She shouts over the loud song that's playing, the girls behind her laughing.

"I don't know, it's the first time I'm using it, you tell me" he says smoothly and Lou chuckles again.

"Ah come on Lou, let him buy you a drink" Rose says and she knows she just wants to see Matty's reaction.

"Lou? Is that your name? A pretty name for a pretty girl" he says and she can't help but cringe a little.

"I'm actually here with-" she begins to say she's here with someone but is interrupted by rose again.

"No she's not, she's just being modest, buy her a drink, a martini" she says and Lou chuckles as they man smiles before leaving.

"I hate martinis" Lou says and rose smirks.

"I know, but I love them" she says leaning in to speak into her ear "turn around, it worked" rose says.

Lou turns and is suddenly flushed against Matty's chest, she stumbles but his hand quickly finds her waist, holding her against him.

"Hi" she smiles.

"Hi" he smiles back, looking down at her. His eyes flick to the bar where he sees the guy he was all but ready to pounce on if he made a single move. Lou turns her head to see who he's looking at and she smiles upon turnjng around to face him again.

Her hands rest against his shoulders as a slow beat plays, she steps towards him so they're closer.

"You don't have to worry about him" she whispers into his ear. His hands grip her hips as she begins to move against him.

"Hmm why's that?" He mumbles into her ear, lips finding their way to her neck.

"Think you already know Matty" she says, pulling back to look at him. Her eyes plead with him, begging him to just kiss her already.

"Because you're mine yeah?" He shouts smiling down at her. She simply nods and his eyes leave her for a second, flicking to someone behind her again.

"Sorry mate" he speaks to whoever is behind her, probably the guy from a minute ago, but Lou's eyes are training on the curly man holding her "she's my missus" the words leave his mouth before he even processes them.

She hears a grumble behind her and then Matty's eyes are on hers again.

"Your missus huh? Like the sound of that" she pulls his mouth to hers then, lips pressing against one another with fervour. Him using that word so casually awakens something in her (and seemingly him too).

He tries to speak through their kiss, eventually having to break away.

"Be my girlfriend? Like proper girlfriend" he asks, it was not the way he had intended on asking her but he was desperate now, not wanting to go another minute without asking her.

"Wanted to ask you in a better setting than this love but-" her lips are on his again, shutting him up. She goes to say yes but suddenly a lanky man is pulling the pair into a tight hug.

"Fucking love you guys" George says, making the two of them laugh loudly.

"How much have you had to drink?" She laughs and he smears a kiss to her cheek before doing the same to Matty.

"Question is... Why haven't you?" His words make no sense but they allow him to pull them back to the booth and allow him to make the whole group (save for Matty) do a few shots. Lou doesn't drink as much as the rest of the group, wanting to support Matty but also wanting to remember the night, for it was already an amazing one.

As the night progresses, Ross and Mia are dancing together, her hands flat against his chest as their bodies moved against one another.

Matty and Lou were flush against the wall in the corner of the room, hiding from everyone else, needing some time to be alone.

"You never answered my question" he says as his head tucks into her neck, lips pressing against the skin.

"Kind of got interrupted" she sighs, hands threading through the curls at the nape of his neck.

"Yeah George keeps fucking doing that tonight" He pulls back to look at her and she smiles.

"Yes I'll be your girlfriend" she says and he mirrors her, wide smiles adorning both of their faces.

"Yeah? Don't care that I asked you in the middle of some sweaty club" he asks and she shakes her head.

"No, because it's you. I'd of said yes no matter what Matty" and the confession has him blushing deeply, pulling her into him to place a loving kiss to her mouth.

"Didn't get to finish what you were saying to me earlier either... Some best friend g is" Matty says, needing to hear what she wanted to say.

"Yeah... Was going to say how good you looked" she says, smoothing her hands down his white Tshirt, fingertips pulling the shirt that rests either side of his frame, until their mouths meet again.

They break away a few moments later and his eyes wander to the centre of the dancefloor where Ross and Mia can be seen.

"Told George to keep her away from that man, she'll break his heart" Lou groans eyes finding where Matty was looking and he laughs at her words.

"You know I know about that night right" Matty says as his eyes snap back to hers, looking down at her as she frowns up at him, not knowing what she was talking about.

"What happened between you and Ross" Matty says, a smirk resting against his lips as Lou's mouth falls open.

"What- how?" She asks, mouth agape, lost for words.

"He's my best friend love, told me as soon as he knew I had feelings for you" he says, thumb drifting along her cheek.

"And? What do you think about it?" She asks, searching his face for any signs of him being annoyed at her.

"Well that depends..." He asks, a darkness to his words, lips pressing against hers, confusing her.

"Depends on what?" She murmurs against his mouth, pulling at his shirt, needing him closer to her.

"What was it like?" He asks, pressing his mouth to hers the moment he finished talking.

"Want the truth?" She asks and he nods against her mouth as his tongue finds hers. She allows them to fight for a moment until she lets his push harshly against hers, making her core flutter and letting him lead the kiss.

She pulls away from him for a second, dark eyes finding his and she smirks.

"It was hot... At the time" she says and she smirks down at her.

"Ross said the same thing" he says and Lou's eyebrows raise.

"Yeah?" Mattys hand drifts along her waist, landing against her hip, pulling her flush against him, moving their bodies to the beat of the music. Her arm hooks over his shoulder, clinging onto him as his hips ground down against hers.

He nods down at her and she finds herself confused as to why he's smirking still.

"If he told you that... Why are you smirking?" She asks, moaning into his mouth as his lips press against hers again.

"Because... It was a childhood makeout, doesn't mean anything... Fizzled out anyway" Matty says, repeating what Ross had explained to him. His lips find her neck again and she sighs.

"Hmm.. what if I said otherwise?" She says, purely teasing him. His head snaps away from her neck, finding her eyes, seriousness now covering his features.

"That's just mean love" he says, and she smirks up at him now, he doesn't find it funny and she's quick to drop the act. Softly playing with his hair as anger clouds his eyes.

"Baby I'm joking" she says, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek, drifting them down to his neck and up to the shell of his ear.

"Doesn't mean anything... You're the one I want. My boyfriend" her last words are what gets him to snap back to how he was moments prior. It's what makes him press his mouth back to hers and grind his hips down to hers.

"Say it again" he murmurs into her mouth.

"My boyfriend"

"Fuck" his tongue roughly presses against hers and her hold on him tightens as pleasure increases throughout her body as she feels his hardened length pressing against her core.

"Want to get out of here?" He asks as he pulls away from her. She's quickly nodding up at him making him smirk.

"Good. Can't wait to get you out of this fucking skirt" he says, hand running along the hem of it, caressing her thigh. They quickly weave themselves out of the club, leaving their friends, leaving Lou's sister who is likely still with Ross.

----------------------------------------------------------

Their naked bodies are sprawled out on the bed of their hotel room, Matty is lying on his front as Lou is at his side. Her fingers drift along the expanse of his back, the muscles contracting under her touch before she presses light kisses to the skin.

"We have a break in two days" he says, his voice quiet, looking over his shoulder to find his girlfriend, who's arms were resting against his back.

"Want to spend it with you" Matty says, turning onto his back, she allows him and then lies back down onto his stomach now.

"Id like that" she smiles, pressing a kiss against his stomach.

"Think we should go away for a bit... Just us" he says and she nods again.

"Need to go home too though, need to see my family... And G's" she says and Matty nods.

"My mum's been wanting to see you again. Hasnt seen you since we were kids" he says. A man of many confessions tonight it seems

"Id love that. She always loved me" she says and Matty nods.

"Yeah I know... Used to give me so much shit for treating you the way I did. Said I was a cruel boy" he admits, his words holding a certain sadness to them.

"It's okay, made up for it now" she says and she smiles slightly.

"I'm so sorry"

"Baby no. You don't have to apologise anymore. I forgive you" she says, lips pressing softly against his stomach again, moving upwards until pressing against his lips.

"I know... Just needed to say it" he says and she nods.

"Can't believe you're my girlfriend" he says, hands moving her hair from her face, wanting to truly see her.

"You know... I never really said sorry for how I was to you" she admits and he looks down at her.

"You weren't nearly as bad as me love"

"That's not the point though... I'm sorry Matty, truly I am. Things were so different back then, it's kind of crazy" she says and he nods.

"Why did you hate me?" He asks, looking down at her, she didn't mind being asked it, they hadn't actually spoken about it yet.

"Suppose at first I hated you because you hated me... I tried to get you to like me... But after a while I gave in... Hated you because despite everything the guys said about you, about you being this lovely guy who would do anything for his mates... You weren't that person with me and I desperately wanted you to be... So I hated you because you didn't allow me to have you that way" she admits, something she had never admitted aloud before.

"I never knew that" he says, frowning at her. She knows he's about to apologise again so she presses her mouth to his.

"I often saw the way you were with them, when you thought I wasn't looking and I felt jealous... You told me the guys got to have me in a way you didn't and it was the same for me" she says.

"God we really made a mess of things didn't we?" He says, chuckling at the whole messy situation. She smiles at him and nods.

"Think we've made up for it now don't you think?" She asks and he nods, kissing her sweetly.

"My girlfriend"

"Your girlfriend" she smiles.

"Think I'm ready to make it obvious were dating" he says and she nods.

"That sounds like a wonderful idea" she says lying down on his chest and listening to his heart beat until she falls asleep.

"I love you" he murmurs although she's asleep on his arms now.

"I've always loved you" he says before he feels himself drifting to sleep too.

Part 9

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