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tinylittleobsessions · 10 months

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What if "Hogwarts Legacy" characters took the MBTI test?

Okay, this is something I do in this blog: whenever I obsess with a new story, I try and imagine what personality type would each character get on the MBTI test. It's silly, I know, haha - but I LOVE character study and discussing character personalities in detail; that's why I love writing this kind of post. So OF COURSE I had to do it with Hogwarts Legacy characters!

If you don't know this test, it's a personality test based on a theory written by Carl Gustav Jung that divides people in 16 different types of personalities. The personalities are defined by different combinations of letters that represent specific aspects of our behaviour and way of thinking: "I" for "Introverted", for example, "T" for "Thinking", "J" for "Judging", and so it goes. This way, your result will be something like "ENTJ", or "ISFP". This test is not universally accepted as scientific, true or correct, BUT I think it's a lot of fun. If you don't know your MBTI yet, you can take the test here.

Of course, this is heavily based on headcanon. Especially in the case of this game, I feel there are characters we barely know anything about - all we "know" is actually headcanon. 🤣 But I also think those headcanons are pretty much "accepted" by biggest part of the fandom, so hopefully you'll understand why I classified each one of them the way I did. I tried to focus on the students, but, when I couldn't find any student that would fit an specific personality type, I resorted to the other characters (Hogwarts staff, Hogsmeade, etc).

So, let's try this. Let me know what you think, please! 💚

THE ANALYSTS

OMINIS GAUNT: The Architect (INTJ) - Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking, and Judging

Thoughtful. Their inner world is a private, complex one

Love perfecting the details of life, applying creativity and rationality to everything they do. Their minds are never at rest

Pride themselves on their ability to think for themselves, not to mention their uncanny knack for seeing right through phoniness and hypocrisy

May be cynical about human nature more generally, assuming that most people are lazy, unimaginative, or simply doomed to mediocrity

They question everything and prefer to make their own discoveries. In their quest to find better ways of doing things, they aren’t afraid to break the rules or risk disapproval: in fact, they rather enjoy it (and Heaven help anyone who tries to slow them down by enforcing pointless rules or offering poorly thought-out criticism)

They don't mind acting alone, perhaps because they don't like waiting around for others to catch up with them. They also generally prefer making decisions without asking for anyone else's input. At times, this lone-wolf behavior can come across as insensitive, as it fails to take into consideration other people's thoughts, desires, and plans

Because Architects value truth and depth, many common social practices - from small talk to white lies - may seem pointless or downright stupid to them. It would be a mistake, however, to view Architects as uncaring. These personalities feel deeply: when things go wrong or when they hurt others, Architects are personally affected and spend much time and energy trying to figure out why things happened the way that they did

Architects can be single-minded, with little patience for frivolity, distractions, or idle gossip. That said, they're far from dull or humorless. Many Architects are known for their irreverent wit, and beneath their serious exteriors, they often have a sharp, delightfully sarcastic sense of humor

ELEAZAR FIG: The Logician (INTP) - Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking, and Prospecting

Logicians often lose themselves in thought - which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. People with this personality type hardly ever stop thinking, 'cause they can’t help but puzzle over the mysteries of the universe

Logicians are Introverts and tend to get tired out by extensive socializing. After a long day, they crave time alone to consult their own thoughts. But when they connect with someone who can match their mental energy, these personalities absolutely light up, leaping from one thought to another. Few things energize them like the opportunity to swap ideas or enjoy a lively debate with another curious, inquiring soul.

They love to analyze patterns. Without necessarily knowing how they do it, people with this personality type often have a Sherlock Holmes-like knack for spotting discrepancies and irregularities. When it comes to dissecting a tricky, multilayered problem and coming up with a creative solution, few personality types can match Logicians’ creative genius and potential.

The "analysis paralysis" can affect multiple areas of Logicians' lives. People with this personality type can overthink even the smallest of decisions.

IMELDA REYES: The Commander (ENTJ) - Extraverted, Intuitive, Thinking, and Judging

People with this personality type embody the gift of confidence, and project authority in a way that draws crowds together behind a common goal. However, Commanders are also characterized by an often ruthless level of rationality, using their drive, determination and sharp minds to achieve whatever end they've set for themselves.

If there's anything Commanders love, it's a good challenge, big or small, and they firmly believe that given enough time and resources, they can achieve any goal. This quality makes people with the Commander personality type brilliant entrepreneurs, and their ability to think strategically and hold a long-term focus while executing each step of their plans with determination and precision makes them powerful business leaders.

At the negotiating table, Commanders are dominant, relentless, and unforgiving. This isn't because they are coldhearted or vicious per se - it’s more that Commander personalities genuinely enjoy the challenge, the battle of wits, the repartee that comes from this environment, and if the other side can’t keep up, that’s no reason for Commanders to fold on their own core tenet of ultimate victory.

The underlying thought running through the Commander mind might be something like "I don’t care if you call me an insensitive b*tch, as long as I remain an efficient b*tch".

If there’s anyone Commanders respect, it’s someone who is able to stand up to them intellectually, who is able to act with a precision and quality equal to their own. Commander personalities have a particular skill in recognizing the talents of others, and this helps in their team-building efforts

To people with the Commander personality type, emotional displays are displays of weakness, and it’s easy to make enemies with this approach. Especially in a professional environment, Commanders will simply crush the sensitivities of those they view as inefficient, incompetent or lazy

EVERETT CLOPTON*: The Debater (ENTP) - Extraverted, Intuitive, Thinking, and Prospecting

Quick-witted and audacious, Debaters aren't afraid to disagree with the status quo. In fact, they're not afraid to disagree with pretty much anything or anyone. Few things light up people with this personality type more than a bit of verbal sparring - and if the conversation veers into controversial terrain, so much the better.

It would be a mistake, though, to think of Debaters as disagreeable or mean-spirited. Instead, people with this personality type are knowledgeable and curious, with a playful sense of humor, and they can be incredibly entertaining. They simply have an offbeat, contrarian idea of fun - one that involves a healthy dose of spirited debate. They are respected for their vision, confidence, knowledge, and keen sense of humor

For this personality type, no belief is too sacred to be questioned, no idea is too fundamental to be scrutinized, and no rule is too important to be broken, or at least thoroughly tested.

As Debaters see it, most people are too ready to do as they’re told and blindly conform to social norms, pressures, and standards. Debaters enjoy the mental exercise of questioning the prevailing mode of thought, and they take a certain pleasure in uncovering the value of underdogs and outliers. Their active minds can’t help but rethink the things that everyone else takes for granted and push them in clever new directions.

*this was a very hard one. I ended up deciding for Everett because his most important interaction with MC in the game is basically telling them to break the rules and try something different, lol (and because I think this personality type is very Ravenclaw-like). But I confess I was VERY tempted to choose Peeves for this one, lol

THE DIPLOMATS

NATSAI ONAI: The Advocate (INFJ) - Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Judging

Idealistic and principled, they aren’t content to coast through life – they want to stand up and make a difference. For Advocate personalities, success doesn’t come from money or status but from seeking fulfillment, helping others, and being a force for good in the world. Their inner vision, personal values, and a quiet, principled version of humanism guide them in all things.

While they have lofty goals and ambitions, Advocates shouldn’t be mistaken for idle dreamers. People with this personality type care about integrity, and they’re rarely satisfied until they’ve done what they know to be right. Conscientious to the core, they move through life with a clear sense of their values, and they aim never to lose sight of what truly matters – not according to other people or society at large, but according to their own wisdom and intuition.

Advocates are troubled by injustice, and they typically care more about altruism than personal gain. They often feel called to use their strengths – including creativity, imagination, and sensitivity – to uplift others and spread compassion. Many Advocates see helping others as their mission in life, and they’re always looking for ways to step in and speak up for what is right. People with this personality type also aspire to fix society’s deeper problems, in the hope that unfairness and hardship can become things of the past.

Advocates may be Introverted, but they value deep, authentic relationships with others. Few things bring these personalities as much joy as truly knowing another person – and being known in return. Advocates enjoy meaningful conversations far more than small talk, and they tend to communicate in a way that is warm and sensitive. This emotional honesty and insight can make a powerful impression on the people around them.

MIRABEL GARLICK: The Mediator (INFP) - Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Prospecting

Mediators have vibrant, passionate inner lives. Creative and imaginative, they happily lose themselves in daydreams, inventing all sorts of stories and conversations in their minds. These personalities are known for their sensitivity - Mediators can have profound emotional responses to music, art, nature, and the people around them.

Mediators share a sincere curiosity about the depths of human nature. Introspective to the core, they’re exquisitely attuned to their own thoughts and feelings, but they yearn to understand the people around them as well. Mediators are compassionate and nonjudgmental, always willing to hear another person’s story. When someone opens up to them or turns to them for comfort, they feel honored to listen and be of help.

Few things make Mediators more uneasy than pretending to be someone they aren’t. With their sensitivity and their commitment to authenticity, people with this personality type tend to crave opportunities for creative self-expression. They can’t help but muse about the meaning and purpose of life, dreaming up all sorts of stories, ideas, and possibilities along the way.

Like flowers in the spring, Mediators’ creativity and idealism can bloom even after the darkest of seasons. Although they know the world will never be perfect, Mediators still care about making it better however they can. This quiet belief in doing the right thing may explain why these personalities so often inspire compassion, kindness, and beauty wherever they go.

SIRONA RYAN*: The Protagonist (ENFJ) - Extraverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Judging

Thoughtful and idealistic, these personality types strive to have a positive impact on other people and the world around them. They rarely shy away from an opportunity to do the right thing, even when doing so is far from easy.

Protagonists are born leaders: their passion and charisma allow them to inspire others not just in their careers but in every arena of their lives, including their relationships. Few things bring Protagonists a deeper sense of joy and fulfillment than guiding friends and loved ones to grow into their best selves.

They tend to be vocal about their values, including authenticity and altruism. When something strikes them as unjust or wrong, they speak up. But they rarely come across as brash or pushy, as their sensitivity and insight guide them to speak in ways that resonate with others.

These personality types have an uncanny ability to pick up on people’s underlying motivations and beliefs. At times, they may not even understand how they come to grasp another person’s mind and heart so quickly. These flashes of insight can make Protagonists incredibly persuasive and inspiring communicators.

Protagonists are genuine, caring people who talk the talk and walk the walk. Nothing makes them happier than motivating other people to do what’s right.

*I know it’s a bit ironic that Sirona gets “The Protagonist” when she’s a tertiary character, hahaha. But I really see her as a very important member in the Hogsmeade community; seen as a leader figure by some. We have a lot of “if Sirona trusts them, I trust them too” moments in the game. So, that’s why.

POPPY SWEETING: The Campaigner (ENFP) - Extraverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Prospecting

Campaigners are true free spirits – outgoing, openhearted, and open-minded. With their lively, upbeat approach to life, they stand out in any crowd. But even though they can be the life of the party, Campaigners don’t just care about having a good time. These personality types run deep - as does their longing for meaningful, emotional connections with other people.

Friendly and outgoing, Campaigners are devoted to enriching their relationships and their social lives. But beneath their sociable, easygoing exteriors, they have rich, vibrant inner lives as well. Without a healthy dose of imagination, creativity, and curiosity, a Campaigner simply wouldn’t be a Campaigner. These personalities believe that everything and everyone is connected, and they live for the glimmers of insight that they can gain into these connections.

They are independent and creative, always on the lookout for the magic and meaning in everyday life. Campaigner personalities are capable of intense thought and feeling - and also of kicking back and having a good time.

Even in moments of fun, Campaigners want to connect emotionally with others. Few things matter more to these personality types than having genuine, heartfelt conversations with the people they cherish. Campaigners believe that everyone deserves to express their feelings, and their empathy and warmth create spaces where even the most timid spirits can feel comfortable opening up.

THE SENTINELS

DADDY AESOP SHARP*: The Logistician (ISTJ) - Introverted, Observant, Thinking, and Judging

These people tend to be reserved yet willful, with a rational outlook on life. They pride themselves on their integrity, compose their actions carefully and carry them out with methodical purpose. People with this personality type mean what they say, and when they commit to doing something, they make sure to follow through.

People with this personality type believe that there is a right way to proceed in any situation – and that anyone who pretends otherwise is probably trying to bend the rules to suit their own purposes. Logisticians have a deep respect for structure and tradition, and they are often drawn to organizations, workplaces, and educational settings that offer clear hierarchies and expectations.

People with the Logistician personality type rarely hesitate to take responsibility for their actions and choices. Generally speaking, they are quick to own up to their own mistakes, admitting the truth even if it doesn’t make them look good. To Logisticians, honesty is far more important than showmanship, and they’d rather satisfy their own conscience than lie to impress someone else.

At times, Logisticians might unfairly misjudge people who can’t match their rigorous self-control. Even if Logisticians don’t speak these judgments aloud, their disdain can come through regardless, earning them a reputation for being somewhat strict or unempathetic.

*the description of this personality type seems very fitting for an ex-auror to me haha

ANNE SALLOW: The Defender (ISFJ) - Introverted, Observant, Feeling, and Judging

In their unassuming, understated way, Defenders help make the world go round. Hardworking and devoted, people with this personality type feel a deep sense of responsibility to those around them. Defenders can be counted on to meet deadlines, remember birthdays and special occasions, and shower their loved ones with gestures of care and support. But they rarely demand recognition for all that they do, preferring instead to operate behind the scenes.

Though sensitive and caring, Defenders also have excellent analytical abilities and an eye for detail. And despite their reserve, they tend to have well-developed people skills and robust social relationships. They are true altruists, meeting kindness with kindness and engaging with the work and people they believe in with enthusiasm and generosity.

Among Defenders’ most distinctive traits is loyalty. Rare is the Defender who allows a friendship or relationship to fade away from lack of effort. People with this personality type are known for dropping everything and lending a hand whenever a friend or family member is going through a hard time. Defenders’ sense of loyalty doesn’t stop with their nearest and dearest - it often extends to their communities, their employers, and even family traditions.

For Defenders, “good enough” is rarely good enough. People with this personality type can be meticulous to the point of perfectionism. They take their responsibilities personally, consistently going above and beyond and doing everything that they can to exceed others’ expectations. Even then, they are known for their humility, and they rarely seek the spotlight.

Defenders have a deeply social nature. Thanks to their ability to remember the details of other people’s lives, Defenders have a special talent for making their friends and acquaintances feel seen, known, and cherished.

DINAH HECAT: The Executive (ESTJ) - Extraverted, Observant, Thinking, and Judging

Executives are representatives of tradition and order, utilizing their understanding of what is right, wrong and socially acceptable to bring families and communities together. Embracing the values of honesty, dedication and dignity, people with the Executive personality type are valued for their clear advice and guidance, and they happily lead the way on difficult paths.

Strong believers in the rule of law and authority that must be earned, Executive personalities lead by example, demonstrating dedication and purposeful honesty, and an utter rejection of laziness and cheating, especially in work.

Executives are aware of their surroundings and live in a world of clear, verifiable facts - the surety of their knowledge means that even against heavy resistance, they stick to their principles and push an unclouded vision of what is and is not acceptable. Their opinions aren’t just empty talk either, as Executives are more than willing to dive into the most challenging projects, improving action plans and sorting details along the way, making even the most complicated tasks seem easy and approachable.

MATILDA WEASLEY: The Consul (ESFJ) - Extraverted, Observant, Feeling, and Judging

They are attentive and people-focused, and they enjoy taking part in their social community. Their achievements are guided by decisive values, and they willingly offer guidance to others. People with this personality type form the bedrock of many communities, opening their homes – and their hearts – to friends, loved ones, and neighbors.

Consuls do believe in the power of hospitality and good manners, and they tend to feel a sense of duty to those around them. Generous and reliable, people with this personality type often take it upon themselves to hold their families and their communities together. They have a talent for making the people in their lives feel supported, cared for, and secure.

Consuls are altruists. They take seriously their responsibilities to give back, serve others, and do the right thing. And Consuls believe that there is a clear right thing to do in nearly every situation. While some personality types adopt a more lenient, live-and-let-live attitude, Consuls may find it difficult not to judge when someone takes a path that strikes them as misguided. They have a clear moral compass.

Consuls rarely miss a birthday or holiday. Devoted to their relationships, they commit even the smallest details of their friends’ and loved ones’ lives to memory. Loyal to the core, they build lasting relationships, and they can be counted on to show up whenever a helping hand - or a listening ear - is needed. They put a great deal of energy into making other people feel special and celebrated, and they may take it personally when someone doesn’t seem to appreciate their efforts.

For many people with the Consul personality type, one of life’s greatest challenges is accepting that they can’t control anyone else’s thoughts or behavior - not even those who are nearest and dearest to them.

THE EXPLORERS

AMIT THAKKAR: The Virtuoso (ISTP) - Introverted, Observant, Thinking, and Prospecting

They tend to have an individualistic mindset, pursuing goals without needing much external connection. They engage in life with inquisitiveness and personal skill, varying their approach as needed. They love to explore with their hands and their eyes, touching and examining the world around them with cool rationalism and spirited curiosity.

Virtuosos explore ideas through creating, troubleshooting, trial and error and first-hand experience. They enjoy having other people take an interest in their projects and sometimes don’t even mind them getting into their space. They enjoy lending a hand and sharing their experience, especially with the people they care about.

Virtuosos are actually quite enigmatic. Friendly but very private, calm but suddenly spontaneous, extremely curious but unable to stay focused, Virtuoso personalities can be a challenge to predict, even by their friends and loved ones.

The biggest issue Virtuosos are likely to face is that they often act too soon, taking for granted their permissive nature and assuming that others are the same. They’ll be the first to tell an insensitive joke, get overly involved in someone else’s project, roughhouse and play around, or suddenly change their plans because something more interesting came up.

ABRAHAM RONEN: The Adventurer (ISFP) - Introverted, Observant, Feeling, and Prospecting

Adventurers are true artists – although not necessarily in the conventional sense. For this personality type, life itself is a canvas for self-expression. From what they wear to how they spend their free time, Adventurers act in ways that vividly reflect who they are as unique individuals.

Driven by curiosity and eager to try new things, people with this personality often have a fascinating array of passions and interests. With their exploratory spirits and their ability to find joy in everyday life, Adventurers can be among the most interesting people you’ll ever meet. The irony? Unassuming and humble, Adventurers tend to see themselves as “just doing their own thing,” so they may not even realize how remarkable they really are.

Adventurers embrace a flexible, adaptable approach to life. Some personality types thrive on strict schedules and routines, but not Adventurers. They take each day as it comes, doing what feels right to them in the moment. And they make sure to leave plenty of room in their lives for the unexpected - with the result that many of their most cherished memories are of spontaneous, spur-of-the-moment outings and adventures, whether by themselves or with their loved ones.

This flexible mindset makes Adventurers remarkably tolerant and open-minded. These personalities genuinely love living in a world filled with all kinds of people - even people who disagree with them or choose radically different lifestyles. It’s no surprise, then, that Adventurers are unusually open to changing their minds and rethinking their opinions. If any personality type believes in giving something (or someone) a second chance, it’s Adventurers.

In their relationships, Adventurers are warm, friendly, and caring, taking wholehearted enjoyment in the company of their nearest and dearest. But make no mistake: this is an Introverted personality type, meaning that Adventurers need dedicated alone time to recharge their energy after socializing with others. This alone time is what allows Adventurers to reestablish a sense of their own identity - in other words, to reconnect with who they truly are.

SEBASTIAN SALLOW: The Entrepreneur (ESTP) - Extraverted, Observant, Thinking, and Prospecting

Entrepreneurs always have an impact on their immediate surroundings. Laughing and entertaining with a blunt humor, Entrepreneur personalities love to be the center of attention. They keep their conversations energetic, with a good dose of intelligence.

Entrepreneurs are the likeliest personality type to make a lifestyle of risky behavior. They live in the moment and dive into the action - they are the eye of the storm. Entrepreneurs leap before they look, fixing their mistakes as they go, rather than sitting idle, preparing contingencies and escape clauses. They are good making critical decisions based on factual, immediate reality in a process of rapid-fire rational stimulus response.

To Entrepreneurs, it makes more sense to use their own moral compass than someone else’s: rules were made to be broken. This is a sentiment few high school instructors or corporate supervisors are likely to share, and can earn Entrepreneur personalities a certain reputation. But if they minimize the trouble-making, harness their energy, and focus through the boring stuff, Entrepreneurs are a force to be reckoned with.

With perhaps the most perceptive, unfiltered view of any type, Entrepreneurs have a unique skill in noticing small changes. Whether a shift in facial expression, a new clothing style, or a broken habit, people with this personality type pick up on hidden thoughts and motives where most types would be lucky to pick up anything specific at all. They use these observations immediately, calling out the change and asking questions, often with little regard for sensitivity

They are full of passion and energy, complemented by a rational mind. Inspiring and convincing, they are natural group leaders, pulling everyone along the path less traveled, bringing excitement everywhere they go. But they enjoy the drama, the passion, the pleasure: if they aren’t careful, they may get too caught in the moment, take things too far, and run roughshod over more sensitive people - or forget to take care of their own health and safety.

GARRETH WEASLEY: The Entertainer (ESFP) - Extraverted, Observant, Feeling, and Prospecting

These people love vibrant experiences, engaging in life eagerly and taking pleasure in discovering the unknown. They can be very social, often encouraging others into shared activities. Entertainers get caught up in the excitement of the moment, and want everyone else to feel that way, too. No other personality type is as generous with their time and energy as Entertainers when it comes to encouraging others, and no other personality type does it with such irresistible style.

Utterly social, Entertainers enjoy the simplest things, and there’s no greater joy for them than just having fun with a good group of friends. They love the spotlight, and all the world’s a stage.

Though it may not always seem like it, Entertainers know that it’s not all about them - they are observant, and very sensitive to others’ emotions. People with this personality type are often the first to help someone talk out a challenging problem, happily providing emotional support and practical advice. However, if the problem is about them, Entertainers are more likely to avoid a conflict altogether than to address it head-on. They usually love a little drama and passion, but not so much when they are the focus of the criticisms it can bring.

Entertainers recognize value and quality, which on its own is a fine trait. They also have the strongest aesthetic sense of any personality type: knowing what’s attractive the moment they see it, Entertainers aren’t afraid to change their surroundings to reflect their personal style. Entertainers are naturally curious, exploring new designs and styles with ease.

They are welcome wherever there’s a need for laughter, playfulness, and a volunteer to try something new and fun - and there’s no greater joy for Entertainer personalities than to bring everyone else along for the ride. Entertainers can chat for hours, sometimes about anything but the topic they meant to talk about, and share their loved ones’ emotions through good times and bad.

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heymrsandman · 12 days

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Wanna Try Star Trek?

Hi tumblr! I love Star Trek, as do many of you, but it can seem intimidating to folks who are interested but don’t really how to approach such a large franchise. The thing is, Trek’s “golden age” lived in that delicious sweet spot where tv shows outside of soap operas were only just starting to learn about serialisation. These shows were built for drop in, drop out viewing. So I’m gonna write some beginner friendly summary/reviews of various episodes and you can see if it strikes your fancy. If you decide to watch an episode I talk about, please, feel free to talk to me about it!

Also, I made a big spinner wheel of all the TNG/DS9/VOY/ENT episodes and I needed something to do with it.

Today’s random pick is Deep Space Nine’s “Indiscretion”, episode 5 of season 4.

So real quick, Deep Space Nine aired between 1993-1999 and was set aboard the titular space station. It’s still the only Star Trek show not to be based on a ship. The long and short of the premise is that, after a long and gruelling occupation by the Cardassian Union, the planet of Bajor wins its freedom. Having no means of defending themselves from something like this happening again, Bajor reaches out to the Federation (the post-scarcity multi species utopia that humanity is part of) for protection. They send a Starfleet detachment to administer the space station the Cardassians left behind, commanded by one Benjamin Sisko, who has to manage the delicate political situation. This show is by far the most serialised of this era, but nowhere near the extent of modern shows.

First Officer’s Note: Starfleet is an all-in-one exploratory, scientific, defense and diplomatic service, and most of the shows and movies revolve around the various adventures of Starfleet crews.

Our episode today opens with DS9’s First Officer, Major Kira Nerys, receiving a call from an old friend named Razka Karn. He tells her that he’s found a lead on a ship she’s been searching for called the Ravinok. He won’t share the information over a video call, so she’ll have to come to him.

Ship Counsellor’s Note: Kira is a Bajoran, and was previously a member of the Bajoran resistance against the Occupation. Bringing in “one of Kira’s old resistance buddies” is one of the writer’s favourite ways to start up a plot for her.

The station’s security officer Odo shows up for a scene where he’s giving Kira a security report, but her mind’s clearly elsewhere. Odo asks her what’s wrong, and Kira asks whether he thinks she should go after the Ravinok. He tells her it doesn’t matter, as he knows she’s going to go anyway, so all he’ll say is “good luck”.

Usually, there’s some hand wringing over whether or not Sisko will send one of his officers on these personal missions, but here we skip right to Kira packing for her trip, only for Sisko to give her the unpleasant news that the Cardassian government wants in on the search too. See, the Ravinok was a Cardassian ship transporting Bajoran prisoners when it was mysteriously lost.

Kira’s come a long way in her feelings towards Cardassians since the start of the show, so she does (huffily) agree to delay her departure by 52 hours to allow a Cardassian delegate to join her.

Science Officer’s Note: Bajor, and by extension DS9, has a 26 hour day. This is one of those little writerly worldbuilding details that stays consistent, and really helps sell the idea of Bajor being its own place. Take note, aspiring writers!

It’s b-plot time! Sisko has been dating a freighter captain by the name of Kasidy Yates. Jadzia Dax, the Science officer, teases Sikso that things are getting serious, which Sisko denies. Kasidy then shows up to say she’s got an interview to sign up as a freighter captain for the Bajoran government. She’d be around all the time, she could even have quarters on the station! Sisko is clearly scared by the idea, but Jadzia is having way too much fun encouraging Kasidy to care. She’s a cad.

Back at Ops (the command centre), the Cardassian delegate arrives - it’s Dukat! Dun dun dun! Ad break!

Tactical Officer’s Note: Dukat (whose first name is never confirmed in the show, but some of the novels name him Skrain) is a major recurring character on the show. Sometimes an ally, often an opponent, but never liked by the crew. He was the officer in charge of the Occupation of Bajor during its final stages, with the rank of Gul. At this point in the show, he’s recently been promoted to Legate.

On their way to rendezvous with Razka, Dukat, galaxy brained individual that he is, decides to debate Kira on the merits of the Cardassian Occupation. When Kira pushes back on this, he says “I have to desire to debate the merits of the Occupation with you”. Charming guy.

We do get Kira’s motivation here, which is that the Ravinok was transporting a prisoner by the name of Lorit Akrem. He was the man who inducted Kira into the resistance, and one of the many friends and mentors she gained during that time.

Back on the station, Kasidy is telling Sisko over dinner that she got the job and how excited she is. All he can say is “it’s a big step”, and before long Kasidy gets sick of this and storms out.

Razka’s come through though, in his new role as a scrap metal merchant. He’s gotten his hands on a piece of the Ravinok’s hull. Kira and Dukat are able to use it to track the Ravinok to the Dozaria system, which conveniently has one (1) habitable planet.

Arriving at the planet, the pair are unable to determine much more than the wreckage’s rough location and decide to land their ship and explore on foot.

Chief Engineer’s Note: Star Trek is famous for its “technobabble”, made up science-y sounding phrases designed to create and solve problems. Due to the “ionic interference”, neither scanning for lifesigns or using their transporters to beam directly to the surface are possible. Ionic interference is a favourite of the writers, great for when you want to make sure a problem can’t be solved too quickly or easily.

Sisko is busy commiserating the situation with Jadzia and the station’s Chief Medical Officer Julian Bashir. They’re no help as Julian is also having entirely too much fun with this. Quark, the owner of the local bar, which is basically a space Dave & Busters, pipes in with his own two cents. Given that Quark is a Ferengi, and Ferengi culture is so misogynistic they make your average MRA look like a feminist ally, it’s not much help.

The Ravinok is found in short order, along with a series of 13 graves. Dukat sets about identifying the remains, and refuses to let Kira help. He claims that Cardassian funeral rites are very strict, and non-Cardassians must not view the remains. Hell, he even quotes a Bajoran religious leader to justify why she shouldn’t concern herself with the bodies of her fellow Bajorans. Luckily, Bajorans all wear earrings unique to their family line, so Kira can identify the bodies from those after Dukat excavates them.

Medical Officer’s Note: they’ve landed in a scorching desert, which Dukat loves. Cardassians are lizard-like and prefer hot environments. This was a major plot point in the season 2 episode The Wire. The desert shots were filmed in Soledad Canyon, California!

A little while later, Kira emerges from the ship’s wreckage with a passenger manifest to discover Dukat lost in thought as he stares at a piece of jewellery that she identifies as a Bajoran pledge bracelet. Dukat admits that he had an ulterior motive for coming on this trip, as he hoped to find a Bajoran woman by the name of Tora Naprem. She was his mistress, and he claims that the two were in love.

Not buying that last part. Also, Dukat absolutely has a thing for Bajoran women. It keeps showing up throughout the show. He even hits on Kira every now and then.

Anyway, Kira’s able to use an old resistance trick to track the survivors.

Later that night, as they make camp in a cave, Dukat manages to get a giant stone spike impaled in his ass. The sight of him hopping around in pain as he rubs a medical doohickey of the wound prompts Kira to burst out laughing, and Dukat even joins in. It’s not really a bonding moment, but there is a certain energy to it. An abatement of hostility, perhaps.

Whatever it is, it gives Kira the courage to ask about Tora Ziyal, the name of a civilian she found on the ship’s manifest. Dukat admits the truth, Ziyal is his and Naprem’s daughter. Dukat’ sensing the Occupation was coming to an end, planned to quietly ship them off to a neutral planet to live out their lives in peace, as neither Cardassia or Bajor would accept them. Kira, naturally, assumes he’s come to rescue Ziyal. Dukat says he’s come to kill her. Dramatic music sting. Ad break.

First Officer’s Note: Bajoran names follow Eastern naming order, meaning that Kira and Tora are family names. Also, Star Trek loves doing things in caves because they can build a new set out of the same few prop walls they have. It’s a fun detail to notice as you watch these shows.

The next day, Kira & Dukat are arguing as they pick up the trail. Dukat claims that he has too many political enemies, and a bastard child, let alone a half-Bajoran one, would give them ammunition to go after him. Kira accuses him of just being out for himself, but Dukat insists that he can only protect his family if he remains in power.

Are you getting a good feel for the kind of bastard Dukat is by this point?

This is all a bit much, how about another comic relief break in the b-plot? Sisko and his son Jake are having breakfast, and Jake mentions that he (and his friend Nog) spoke to Kasidy. As Sisko’s getting ready to give Jake a talk about the hard facts of life, Jake (having talked things through with his friend Nog) correctly diagnoses the problem as a fear of commitment. Sikso’s a widow, see, and it was his career that got Jennifer killed.

Sisko is rather bemused by this, but he can’t deny that Jake’s spot on. He asks if Jake said any of this to Kasidy. Jake says that he (and his friend Nog) considered it, but ultimately decided that Sisko should speak to Kasidy himself.

But now, at long last, we find the survivors. They’ve been taken captive by a mysterious alien race called the Breen, and are being forced to mine Dilithium ore from the planet. Presumably, it’s quite easy to do, as there’s only a few dozen survivors and no signs of heavy industry. There’s a young girl there too, presumably Ziyal.

Kira tells Dukat to go back to DS9 for reinforcements. Dukat refuses, and Kira’s obviously not going to leave Dukat with a chance to kill his daughter. Instead, they decided to mount a two person raid on the mines, which goes out without a hitch.

Well, except for the fact that Lorit died two years ago and a brief firefight gives Dukat a chance to slip away and find Ziyal. She instantly guesses who he is, having held out hope for the last six years that he’d come rescue her. Kira catches up to Dukat and threatens him at gunpoint to drop his rifle.

It’s ultimately Ziyal’s words that sway him, and Dukat can’t find it within himself to mow down his own child in cold blood.

Back on DS9, Sisko apologises to Kasidy, who accepts, and Dukat says he’s going to take Ziyal back to Cardassia to live with him. Aww, maybe he’s not such a bad guy after all.

First Officer’s Note: Yes, he is.

This is a pretty great episode. It was directed by LeVar Burton, who had been a main cast member on The Next Generation, and is remembered by many as the long running host of Reading Rainbow. He did especially well with the location shoots, making the narrow Soledad Canyon look like an expansive desert. Marc Alaimo as Dukat shows yet again why the writers kept bringing him back. He’s smarmy, oozy, hypocritical, but still retains a certain charm.

Though he only gets two short scenes, Roy Brocksmith does great as Kira’s old friend Razka. He was a jobbing character actor in the 80’s-90’s and if you’ve seen American tv from that era, chances are you’ve seen him in something.

The b-plot is a needed reprieve from the heavy nature of the main plot, but smartly it’s not played for broad comedy. Instead it’s more subdued, more grounded and relatable. Luckily, Kasidy sticks around and has a sweet relationship with Sisko, built on a genuine chemistry between the two actors.

Would I recommend this as your first Star Trek episode? Conventional wisdom would say no, it’s too steeped in the lore of DS9 and the relationships of these characters, it’s the start or mid point of so many character journeys. Sod that for a game of soldiers, I say. This is a great little story, and even without context for everything you can pick up what’s going on well enough to understand the emotional stakes. That’s far more important than knowing all the lore and linking plot points.

So, what’s next? Time to spin the wheel, I guess!

Oh boy, we're doing Voyager!

#star trek #deep space nine #star trek deep space nine #ds9 #st ds9 #please share and interact!#wanna try star trek

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the-heart-of-a-monster · 5 months

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OKAY AS PROMISED IM BACK WITH SOME GOOD OL GOVERNMENT SLANDER LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOO

And as usually I haven’t read the page in the past 5 minutes so some details are most certainly lost within the inner machinations of my mind so please don’t excuse me if I get some things wrong. I’m also a high school student so I also don’t know every little detail about how government organizations work but let’s pretend I do for the funny.

Now, what we see of GUN (Will not be using the periods because that’s too much work lmfao) is pretty antagonistic at first glance. First they won’t permit Amy to be in the base without specific permission from anyone in charge, then they see one little thing wrong with Omega and treat it like it’s the black plague or something, and then they don’t even refer to Omega as a real person, AND THEN THEY PREPARE THE GUY FOR EXECUTION????????? YEAH WHAT A NICE TRACK RECORD THEY GOT GOING ON!!!!

However, I do have the obligation to defend a majority of the things they do here. First we’ll start with Amy’s initial rejection.

Again, a ton of details about this part are lost to me as they came out nearly a year ago and I just spontaneously decided to send in this ask.

When Amy waltz’s right on into GUN’s base of operation, she does arrive with the consent of Rouge, but our badass bat queen is not the one in charge. Yes, Rouge is a very well-respected spy in the business and she is held in high regard, but she’s only one of the higher-ups. She isn’t “The Big Man” upstairs or whatever. Not only that, but she is allies with some pretty suspicious individuals, like Sonic for example, who was already on GUN’s hit list a few times now. And not to mention, she treats Omega like he’s a real person instead of just some Eggman robot that went rogue. In this context, not only do GUN have reason to be suspicious of Rouge just allowing a random girl into their top secret operations base, but they also have reason to be wary near Omega. (I’ll get into this later) And by the way, Amy is practically unheard of to GUN, at least from what I know. They have Sonic and a majority of his friends on file, but I’ve never seen Amy interact with GUN at all until this point. Even if she had, GUN would still know very little about her. So for her to just waltz right on in and claim she’s working with Rouge, the only other Mobian besides Shadow btw, it’s understandable that GUN is gonna be pretty weird about that.

Now sure, Amy did claim she was working with Rouge, but that’s just it. Rouge and Shadow are the only Mobians within a mostly human organization, Mobians who do have previous criminal records. I am honestly shocked the two were able to work with GUN in the first place. So allowing another Mobian onto the team, even temporarily, is a big deal.

Alright that’s enough of that I’ve basically sang GUN its praises from heaven and back so we’re gonna get into the nitty-gritty now muahahahahahaaaaa

Now about everyone just hating on Omega? Well, they still have some reason to do so. Before Shadow and Rouge, GUN was quite strict in who they let in, as with any scientific/military operation that’s in cahoots with the government. Oh, and they also hate Eggman. So allowing Team Dark’s third and most op member Omega to be hired was quite the stretch. In real life, allowing a robot to work at all would basically be a felony as it could lead to harmful outcomes like software malfunctions, miscalculations, harming other workers, etc. To many things can go wrong when a robot is on the clock, and in this case, the robot is also very genocidal and wants the death of anyone who gets in his way. The only attribute that GUN can have any hope in is the well-known fact that Omega despises Eggman with a passion. Ya boi hates Eggman more than the whole of GUN, which to them is saying a lot! So GUN is already taking enough risk by allowing Omega to exist within the workspace!

But that’s the thing here. Everyone is so focused on the what-ifs with Omega that they never stop to think about what he’s really like. Everyone is afraid of Omega, or at least afraid of what he is capable of, so they all avoid him like the plague. On top of all that, due to their honestly not unfounded fear, they’ve been preparing for the worst from the guy. GUN probably has a ton of unnecessary protocols now all thanks to Omega’s mere existence, and so if anything were to go even a little bit wrong… Welp. We all know what they’d have to do.

To me, this does seem slightly reasonable, at least given how Omega truly is. The guy is a loose cannon, literally and figuratively, and his rage is unmatched! So it does seem understandable to an extent as to why Omega is treated in this way.

What isn’t reasonable though is how he’s treated on the other side of things. Yes, ya boi is a hazard. Yes, he could burn the whole place to the ground and not feel an ounce of regret. Yes, Omega is very unpredictable! However, that’s just how some people are in real life too! Real people are unpredictable and violent, and yet we don’t see everyone treating them like a plaything! To GUN, Omega is seen as both a useful tool and an unpredictable hazard, just like I said, and both these qualities combined make for a very demeaning description. Because while Omega is a robot, he still can feel and have emotions similarly to, if not exactly like a regular person! (See my previous essay to get a bigger picture for what I mean by this) He acts and feels just as human as the others, and we can tell he clearly wants to be treated as such! Omega doesn’t seem to mind the over-the-top precautions necessary for his own existence, and he doesn’t care if he gets the occasional glare or two from a coworker. What he does clearly care about is being called a violent yet necessary tool, a monster, a robot, an emotionless tin can, an it…! Omega hates being undermined. He despises the fact that he’s constantly being misjudged for what he is, not because of who he is. No one treats Omega like a real living creature, and instead treats him like another tool in the shed, a faulty lawnmower or a dulled bush trimmer. Yes, he’s useful, and yeah he is on their side! But he’s also just a bunch of code and numbers, nothing but ones and zeroes, and they’re all treating him as such. Nobody really cares about him. Nobody sees Omega for who he really is. Which is why whenever he can, Omega always gravitates towards the only other oddballs in the workplace, the only Mobians, the only people who will treat him with respect.

And finally, we come to the last section of this very very VERY LONG ESSAY ABOUT A SINGLE CHARACTER, the execution. Or I guess the attempted execution.

So, like I said beforehand, Omega has a LOT of precautions on his belt, and also like I stated, one of them is his execution. If anything were to go wrong at all, if Omega were to step out of line, the guy would have to at the very least be taken apart just to see what’s wrong. If GUN were feeling nice, they wouldn’t straight up kill the guy, and at this point in time it’s clear that the higher-ups have taken a liking to Omega. So going this far was not their intention in the slightest. It would be considered though if anything like it were to happen again, but thanks to the new pages I think they’re beginning to reconsider this. Omega has now been taken over/amplified by Dark Gaia, (Also see my previous ask to know what I think on all that) and that is seen as an accident worthy of an execution in the eyes of the government. And in some cases that’d be understandable, but in this case it isn’t. GUN has been working with Omega for a while at this point, and not only that, but like I JUST SAID, they like him. Or at least they think they do. Executing Omega for something that was clearly out of his control is not necessary in the slightest and it is exactly why I did this whole thing.

okay so as you can probably tell I’m getting tired of typing on my iPad generation 10 screen keyboard so I’ll try to keep this short.

Summary: Omega is an unpredictable force of nature that GUN clearly doesn’t like. They like the concept of him being on their side and the General likes him personally, but Omega in theory and Omega in practice are two separate robots. Having robots in the workplace at all can have dire consequences, so not only have GUN taken multiple extra precautions just in case something bad happened thanks to Omega, but they also treat him like a piece of junk! It’s terrible, but at the end of the day that’s kinda just what needs to be done. GUN is a government operation that hates Eggman, so anything trouble-making within the business is seen as a liability or a hazard, which includes our favorite homicidal maniacal robot.

AND THATS IT I FINALLY DID IT I FINALLY GOT IT DONE I FINALLY WROTE THE WHOLE THING WOW THAT WAS A LOT OF GIVERNMENT SLANDER QOOOOOOOOOWWWWW

AIGHT THATS IT IM DONE IM LEAVING THANKS SO MUCH FOR READING ALL THAT AND HAVE A GREAT DAY/NIGHT

THANKS FOR SENDING IN ESSAYS LIKE THAT!!!!!!!!! very interesting read cant wait for u to see the conclusion of this arc

#fan lore #clover-the-awesomest #fan theories #long post #text heavy

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takiisieju-squadra · 6 months

Note

Hello! I'm resending my info for a la squadra match up, thank you so much for clarifying on that.

I'm quite shy and need other's to initiate contact first before I can feel comfortable talking to someone even if inside I would liked to make friends with them, still I'm enthusiastic about meeting new people and making friends

I tend to ask lots of questions about someone when I'm comfortable enough I just love to know as much as I possibly can about them and remember little details or understand their quirks

I like making hand made or personalized gifts it just feels so much more thoughtful and sentimental so it is a way to convey my feelings

It's really enjoyable for me to build relationships over similar interests like music preference or books (especially because I love to read so much), I prefer a lot of intellectual stimulation from my partner about ideas they are passionate about or heart to heart conversations or even very witty and clever humor

Very prone to over thinking and getting caught up in insecurities so I appreciate when my partner is reassuring or guiding and non judgmental, I always strive to make them comfortable enough that they would never feel judged by me so we deeply understand each other deeply

I hope that was more helpful! thank you again! 🩷

Hello! You are always welcome and thank you for the ask!

Using my amazing matchmaker skills, I strongly connect you to…

Melone!

Initiating a conversation won’t be needed, he is known for butting in people’s personal space. And I think he’d actually just outright give you a compliment, out of the blue, no introduction or greeting needed. Then, you’ll be barraged with an array of questions, from your zodiac sign (don’t worry, even if you are afab, he doesn’t see you as a Stand mom, since they have to be terrible people) to your favorite band to your stance on the trolley problem. This may come off as annoying or creepy, but he looks rather genuine in his curiosity. It is entirely on you whether to tell him to piss off or not.

Once you are comfortable and it is your turn to ask questions, he loves to answer. He might even bluntly state his line of work (or at least say that he’s a part of the mafia, people do like bad boys, or so he thinks). He is a weird, weird man, and you not being mean about it is what really makes him instantly fall in love.

He’s a smart, talkative guy, but an observant one as well. When he sees that you want to speak, he shuts up immediately, but is blabbering your ears off when it’s his turn. Even if you don’t really share any interests yet, he’ll listen to your favorite songs while reading your favorite books for days and probably nights as well just to get closer. He’ll do anything to talk to you as much as possible, because talking to somebody without facing judgement is not something he experiences often.

He admires more than just that though. Everything about you amazes him, and not in his usual creepy half-scientific manner. No, you are really something to treasure to him. Whenever you feel insecure, he strategically pinpoints your good sides, countering whatever protests you have with all the love and care he is possibly capable of.

Hope you are pleased with this result!

taglist: @go-capt-puppen

#la squadra #jjba #vento aureo #la squadra di esecuzione #matchmaking #melone #jjba melone #melone x reader #la squadra x reader

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kindheart525 · 2 months

Text

So much was still unknown about Prophecy’s power. Even a unicorn as powerful as Starlight Glimmer hadn’t experienced anything like it. She might have seen this before in her own mother, but that didn’t mean she understood it. Plus, Prophecy’s powers were unique; she might have had similar powers to her Savta, but she wasn’t her Savta.

There was still so much to learn about Prophecy, and Starlight made it her mission to find out as much as she could.

“Now Elysie, Uncle Sunburst is here to help! We’re just going to try out a few things to see what causes these prophecies so we can help you manage them.”

Starlight reassured her daughter sweetly, still pretty worried considering how her own mother ended up and how sudden her daughter’s past visions had been. But Sunburst had assured her that doing it in a controlled environment would be as harmless as possible, so at his suggestion she was willing to engage in some scientific inquiry to get to the bottom of this.

“It’ll be super easy! It’s like going to school except we’re not grading you, you’ve aced it no matter what our results say!”

Sunburst turned to Starlight.

“She does like school, right?”

Prophecy stared up at both of them blankly, not sure what to make of this. Her powers were pretty cool and maybe she would get to help ponies like the ponies in her life said, but it hurt a lot whenever she got a vision. She didn’t want that to happen all the time. How were they going to test it?

She had no time to ask any questions before Starlight slipped a monitor over her horn and Sunburst passed over a newspaper.

“We just want you to read a few of these articles and see if any predictions come to you. A lot of them are developing stories, it’s rather intriguing! I’m especially interested in the one—“

Starlight nudged him to silence him, not wanting to tamper with the results in any way. They had both vetted the news to make sure there were no murders or the likes (not that those were common), so as not to traumatize her. But still she was eager to see how this played out.

“Start whenever you’re ready! If this goes well you can watch us play chess next.”

“And then we’ll take you and Luster out for ice cream!”

Prophecy quite liked the idea of that. She supposed she’d give this a go, as weird as it felt to be a test subject. So she opened the newspaper and started reading.

The first headline her eyes met was about a robbery in town. Some mare had her jewelry stolen, but she and her family were safe. But as Prophecy read on and studied more of the details, she started to feel queasy.

And then she got a vision.

It was sudden, so fast that she didn’t see it coming. A flash of pain shot through her head so sharply that it practically blinded her.

“Elysie! What do you see?”

The two adults knelt down to observe her like she was some sort of lab rat, but she was extremely distressed as she recounted her vision.

“The news said there was a robber! They’re gonna rob a lot more houses and maybe even the bank! And somepony’s gonna get really, really hurt!”

The image was so disturbing that she tried her best to push it out of her mind, but the beeping monitors and nosy adults made all attempts at calming down impossible.

“Yes! What else? What are they gonna steal? Who’s gonna get hurt? What dates will these things happen? Tell me everything you see!”

Starlight was getting so invested in this that it was almost disturbing, like she wanted to know all the details so she could exert control over the situation before it happened. Those were noble intentions, but at this point she seemed to be paying little mind to the child she had vowed to help.

Even Sunburst felt like it was going too far, noticing the increasing panic on the filly’s face.

“Starlight—“

“No! Stop!”

Prophecy cried out, ripping the monitor off her sparkling horn. She started to sob from the pain, backing away from the adults out of fear that they’d try to do more tests on her.

“I don’t wanna do this! It hurts! Please don’t make me do any more!”

“Elysie, honey—“

The filly ignored her mother and broke into a trot, trying to get as far away from them as possible.

“I don’t wanna be a prophet!”

Starlight and Sunburst watched her go, quickly feeling a pang of regret at how hard they’d both pushed her. But Starlight wasn’t ready to admit it, instead turning on Sunburst.

“This was YOUR idea! I told you I didn’t want her to get hurt!”

She grabbed his cape and used it as a curtain despite Prophecy being out of earshot at this point, glaring daggers into him.

“You’re the one who kept pushing her!”

Sunburst sassed in response, yanking his cape right back.

“I know you always want to solve every problem right away but this clearly didn’t work out. I can always look through my books some more but ultimately, you and Trixie are going to have to find another way. One that doesn’t hurt her.”

Starlight’s pride crumbled away upon hearing this, a sickly feeling settling inside of her at the thought of her daughter so hurt and scared. She didn’t even want to be a prophet anymore! Not that she had to, but it still pained her to think of her daughter feeling ashamed of her gift.

“Well how? I don’t know that much more than you do!”

“Maybe not about oracle,”

Sunburst admitted.

“But you do know Prophecy best.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Previous: Nothing At All Next: Overthinking It

Background by EStories Starlight Glimmer’s cutie mark by KyssS90

Collaboration with @gelidponies

#KindsArt #auraverse #red string #prophecy #starlight glimmer #sunburst #story piece #next generation #my little pony #mlp fim #mlp g4

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firstkanaphans · 11 months

Note

okay but in BoP. How did the conversation went that they don't want to use condoms anymore? Who initiated? We need more details. For.. ehm. scientific reasons. I swear.

1.6K of details coming right up! (I'm in love with this prompt btw. Bless you, Anon) Rating: Explicit

Read on AO3

Every time they made love, Aye fucked him like he thought he might not get another chance. At first, Akk assumed it was because of their situation—never knowing if they were going to be caught, never knowing if they would be forced to stop—but it had been weeks now and he had finally decided that was just who Aye was: the type of person who loved with everything he had.

They approached sex differently. Aye lost himself in it, but Akk liked to stay present, to soak everything in, so the first time he had to remind Aye to put on a condom, he didn’t think much of it. The second time gave him pause.

It wasn’t that he was pressed about the condom itself—they’d gone to get tested together weeks before because Akk felt strongly that if he was going to fuck an intern, he at least needed to be responsible about it—it was just that they had always used them and choosing not to felt like a big step. It made their relationship feel real, permanent, and once the thought was in his head, Akk couldn’t shake it loose. He started to want it. But Aye never said anything and Akk didn’t either because wanting something and asking for it were two separate things—especially when the person you were fucking worked for you.

So Akk kept a close watch on Aye, trying to decide if it was something he might want too, and the third time he had to remind him about the condom, he noticed that although Aye didn’t complain or seem the least bit bothered by the request, he did fuck Akk harder as if there was some frustration inside of him that he was trying to expel.

When they were done, Akk took the liberty of stripping the condom off of Aye himself. Then he warmed a rag in the bathroom sink, ran it over Aye’s flushed skin, and placed a soft kiss of thanks on the tip of his cock that made Aye laugh.

“Was I good?” Akk asked, laying his head to rest over Aye’s heart so that he could listen to the comforting rhythm of its beat.

“Always,” Aye said, running his fingers through Akk’s hair.

Akk tilted his chin up to look his boyfriend in the eyes. “Could I have been better?”

Aye’s hand stilled for just a second before continuing again and it gave Akk some satisfaction to know that he hadn’t been imagining things. There was something Aye wanted from him. Something he wasn’t getting. “Tell me. Please”

Aye looked him in the eyes and sighed, defeated, as if it was a secret he had planned to take to his grave. “I want to fuck you without a condom.” Akk’s stomach flipped, inordinately pleased, and he buried his face in Aye’s chest to hide his smile. “Oh, now you’re going to act shy?”

“Why?” Akk asked.

“Why what?”

“Why do you want to fuck me without a condom?” When he and Mes had been together, they had sex without condoms often enough, but it had never been something Akk needed. Aye needed this. He could tell. It meant something to him.

Aye thought about it for several seconds, his fingers playing with Akk’s hair once more. “I don’t like that when I’m no longer inside of you, there’s no evidence I was ever there. I want you to carry me with you.”

“I already do,” Akk promised. Even though no one else was allowed to know it but them, Akk was his. Always.

“I know,” Aye said, “but I want something tangible.”

He sounded like such a petulant child that Akk had to laugh. “Have you ever fucked someone without a condom before?”

A blush colored Aye’s cheeks and Akk got his answer. Despite Aye’s bravado and postering, he was still young, and his teens and early twenties had largely been spent processing the trauma of his uncle’s death. According to what he had told Akk, he had had sex, he had had relationships, but none had stuck for longer than a few months. “No, but—”

“Good,” Akk said, throwing his leg over Aye and pushing up onto his knees so that he could hover over him. “I want to be your first.”

He kissed him with the same hunger Aye had fucked him with earlier and he could feel Aye starting to harden again beneath him. He opened his mouth, letting Akk consume him, and Akk wanted in that moment so badly he thought it might destroy him. It was like that night in his office when he’d thrown inhibition to the wind and simply taken what he wanted. Aye had so few firsts left to give and each one felt like a gift. Akk’s hips started thrusting forward on instinct, seeking more friction, and Aye broke the kiss, breathless.

“You want to do it now?” he asked, eyes sparkling with mirth as if Akk’s eagerness amused him.

“Please,” Akk begged.

Aye smiled into another kiss and then used his body weight to flip them so that Akk was on his back with Aye above him. “Are you sure?” he asked.

Akk reached out, cupped Aye’s face in his hands, and whispered his blessing against his lips, “I want you to come inside me.”

Aye groaned, his body trembling with anticipation, but then Akk kissed him and he seemed to come back to himself. He deepened the kiss, his hunger still ripe on his tongue, and when Akk widened his legs and took Aye between them, it felt as familiar as it felt new. Aye slipped inside him with no resistance at all. He groaned, immediately burying his face in Akk’s neck as if the sensations were too much for him to face alone.

“Shh,” Akk soothed, running a hand through his hair.

“Fuck, Akk,” Aye hissed, thrusting forward minutely.

“Does that feel good?” Akk taunted, rolling his hips. Aye clamped a hand down on his abdomen to still him, his eyes shut tightly as if he was trying desperately to think of anything else. But Akk didn’t want him to think of anything but him. “Look at me.”

Aye shook his head. “If I do that, I’m gonna come.”

“Look at me,” Akk said again, more adamant this time. And to his surprise, Aye did. His eyes met Akk's, bright and pleading. He looked young and vulnerable and—at least in that moment—so very in love. “Don’t you dare hold back on me.”

Aye shook his head. “You don’t understand. You feel so good. If I fuck you right now, I’m going to come.”

“Then come.”

“But—”

“Aye. I want you to enjoy it.”

Aye stared at him for a few more seconds, his eyes dark, but then he groaned, finally giving in, and slowly started moving. He collapsed into Akk’s arms, unable to hold himself upright, and he wasn’t thrusting so much as grinding into him.

Akk was pretty sure he had never seen Aye this desperate—was, in fact, pretty sure that he had never been this desperate judging by the unfamiliar noises he was making. Every snap of his hips was long and deep, his instinct to bury his seed in Akk’s body, but his body unsure when the end was going to come. As if he was already too far gone to control it.

Aye continued to take his pleasure in Akk’s body and as he did, Akk reached behind him and traced circles around his rim. Although Aye didn’t bottom for him often, he knew he wasn’t immune to the sensations. He slipped a single finger inside and immediately, Aye came with a grunt, burying himself deep in Akk’s body, and then he stayed there for several long seconds, his breath heavy, his body shaking, as Akk did his best to calm him down.

“You’re okay,” he said, only half-teasing.

“No, I’m not,” Aye mumbled into his neck. “I’m dead.”

But then, to Akk’s surprise, Aye found the strength to pick himself up and pull out of Akk’s body. He felt himself gaping around empty air, but before he could truly mourn the loss, Aye replaced his dick with his fingers and was thrusting into Akk’s body again as he wrapped his well-practiced mouth around Akk’s cock. And although Akk had just come only minutes earlier, he was so turned on by Aye and his eagerness that it didn’t take long to finish him again—although he was pleased to have lasted longer than Aye did. He grinned contentedly through his orgasm and once it passed, he let Aye roll him over onto his stomach, remove his fingers, and watch as his own seed dripped from Akk’s body.

“You look…”

“I look like what?” Akk asked. He didn’t expect Aye to answer.

“You look like mine.”

Akk glanced over his shoulder and smiled.

Once Aye had finished looking his fill, he cleaned them both up and laid down on the bed next to Akk, his face still flushed.

“Sorry,” he said, clearly embarrassed. “That was…intense.”

“I liked it,” Akk said.

Aye smirked. “I liked it too.”

Slowly, Akk started to drift off to sleep, sated and happy, but before he could fall completely, he heard Aye whisper. “Akk?”

“Hm?”

“If I bought you an anal plug, would you wear it to work?”

Akk rolled over, trying to act annoyed, but in actuality, he just didn’t want Aye to see the blush on his cheeks. He would. They both knew he would. “Go to bed,” he said.

Aye threw his arms around him as if he could hear Akk’s unspoken answer in his words. And with nothing between them, they slept.

#look at me actually cross-posting a tumblr prompt!#you know what that is? ✨growth✨#business or pleasure fic #asks #the eclipse #the eclipse fanfic #akkayan #akkayan fanfic

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waterfall7290 · 1 month

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Understanding Jeremy: an empathetic and psychological analysis of Jeremy Wade Delle - and the people who loved him

PLEASE NOTE: This article is intended for people who already possess a general knowledge of Jeremy Delle’s life events. I wouldn’t recommend reading it before having learned about his life, because I will be jumping from one event to the other and it will be difficult to keep track of everything if you don’t know what I’m referring to. If you want to get a more-than-general idea of Jeremy’s life, you can visit jeremywadedelle.com.

I never met Jeremy nor am I a psychologist, yet I have studied psychology and I have learned in great detail all that was made public (and not) about Jeremy. This is basically a sum up of everything I have learned about his psychology and about his loved ones during my almost four years of researching and writing No more “Later Days”; other than the things I have learned in my own personal experiences with both adults and teenagers.

I will try to be as chronologically linear as possible, but since several topics are crisscrossed with each other (meaning multiple topics have multiple links to events from both Jeremy’s earlier and later years), this article will be divided in theme sections more than age/years sections.

For its writing, I consulted the following sources: a multitude of scientific articles and websites (only parts relating to Jeremy were quoted, although a link to the full article was always provided); jeremywadelle.com, ssheps.com, thejeremystory, the 1991 police report, screenshots I have gathered over the years with information and claims made by people who (supposedly) really met Jeremy - I use the term ‘supposedly’ a lot because everything about Jeremy is true until proven otherwise, which why I very warmingly invite anyone who actually knew Jeremy to contact me and help me confirming or debunking the info in my possession.

In addition, I have used the information Ash shared with me contained in the emails exchanged between him and Chris; plus a seven-pages-long September 1990 letter Jeremy wrote to Chris.

ABOUT THIS LETTER: the entire communication happened between Ash (admin of jeremywadedelle.com) and Chris from Austin. Chris came out of nowhere one day sharing information he had about Jeremy: he talked very in detail about him and his loved ones and he did it in a very transparent, not glorifying or victimizing way (usually, when people make up info about Jeremy, they have very black-and-white views of him and his loved ones); he also scanned a seven-pages-long letter Jeremy had supposedly written to him in September 1990 and explained its contents to Ash. Unfortunately, Chris disappeared before Ash could get a chance to talk to him on Google Meet. He never got explicit permission from him to share the new info and didn’t know how to feel about the truthfulness of the letter. Since I’m his moderator, he shared these contents with me to ask me for my opinion. To Ash, Chris' disappearance is really strange, which makes him doubt Chris was real. However, Chris knew many things about Jeremy and even knew the name of Jeremy’s sister, which is something only few people know. Still, why would he disappear into nothing just like that? Perhaps the topic was too hurtful. Or it could be that maybe Chris never really existed, but who in their right mind would come out of nowhere to produce a fake suicide letter and a fake seven-pages-long letter in order to fuel a very very niche topic that, after thirty years, almost nobody talks about anymore? I didn’t really know what to think of it until I decided to compare the writing on the infamous “Later Days” note Jeremy wrote to Lisa and the writing on both the suicide letter and the letter Jeremy had supposedly sent to Chris… and they matched. The way of writing certain letters is the same, the handwriting is the same. So the letter must be real. I would really like to share it, or at least share the most interesting parts of it (together with the handwriting comparison I made), but Ash made me promise not to do it because the letter is very personal and we never received explicit permission from Chris, while he did give me permission to share what Chris had told him via email. Perhaps one day we will receive permission to share the letter, or maybe Ash will simply decide to share it himself (which would be right, since he was the one the letter was scanned for). I hope so.

Until that day, here is the result of my extensive research on the Jeremy matter. Hopefully it will help people to look at the events from different perspectives and produce a less judgemental and black-or-white opinion of both Jeremy and his loved ones.

AN UNSTABLE FOUNDATION: JEREMY’S CHILDHOOD BETWEEN HOMES, SCHOOLS AND A SPLIT FAMILY

1975 - Jeremy was born and lived in house 1 with his parents Joseph and Wanda and his older sister for a few years before his parents separated when he was four (1979). According to thejeremystory and to Mr. Delle's statements from the 1991 police report, the divorce must not have been easy or peaceful.

From The Jeremy Story (‘1. Early Years’, section ‘1979’): “May 23 - Joseph files for divorce from Wanda, claiming conflict of personalities that prevents reconciliation”; From the 1991 police report (pages 15-16 of the PDF): “I advised Mr. Delle that I was going upstairs to confront Mrs. Crane, his ex-wife. He said that she would become hysterical and that I would not be able to control her, that if you looked up hysterics in the dictionary, that’s where she’d be. He said that he would tell her, but he did not want to have to deal with her at this time. [...]”

It is very likely both Jeremy and his older sister may have seen their parents argue multiple times. I wouldn't be surprised if after the divorce, both parents badmouthed the other parent in front of the children: this happens very frequently when a divorce isn't peaceful.

1979 - Joseph went to live in another house and remarried shortly after, only six months after divorcing Wanda. From an outside perspective, it could seem that Mr. Delle was very quick to rebuild another life and ‘forget’ about his previous one - at least that’s what it must have looked like in the eyes of his children, I believe.

From ssheps.com (‘Jeremy Wade Delle’, section ‘Robert B.’, ‘From Shelly:’): “All he [Jeremy] ever wanted was attention, as he didnt get much at home.", "His mom basically abandoned him and his dad was no Saint either. In fact he was too wrapped up into his new wife to notice what was going on with Jeremy.". From a comment a friend of Jeremy from Timberlawn left on Findagrave: “[...] you’re parents [...] were to busy with worrying about their own lives. [...] I hope your parents have become better people today and not so into themselves anymore.” They later corrected themselves: “I spoke in the wrong [...] I have carried the displeasure of how ya’ll acted as parents back then but [...] I know now that no matter how hard we try to keep our kids safe as parents that our kids will do what they want to do no matter what we do.” From the 1991 police report (page 23 of the PDF): “Mrs. B advised Delle had told students that his father did not pay attention to him." This last comment was doubted by me in this post. From the 1991 police report (page 25 of the PDF): “Mr. Delle also advised Jeremy had had problems dealing with the divorce of he and his wife and had sought counseling for depression.”

What are the psychological effects of a conflictual divorce on the children? Here’s what several studies found.

From https://www.psychiatrictimes.com/view/children-high-conflict-divorce-face-many-challenges: “[...] children may be battered and injured by factors that are directly or indirectly associated with the divorce: reduced parenting time with one or both parents; financial instability; relocation, which involves changing schools and losing friends; and the inconvenience of traveling between the parents’ homes. Both clinicians and forensic evaluators know that the single most important factor that harms children of divorce is continual conflict between the parents. Children are damaged when their parents fight in front of them, over them, and through them. [...] Many children of divorce have transitory symptoms, which may take the form of excessive worrying, sadness, anger, oppositional behavior, impaired social relationships, and compromised school performance. These symptoms may occur when the child initially learns his or her parents plan to divorce, when the parents argue excessively, when the parents separate, and when important changes occur in the child’s life, such as moving to a new neighborhood. The typical diagnosis is one of the adjustment disorders (eg, adjustment disorder with anxiety). [...] If the external stressors––especially, high conflict between the parents––continue for an extended period, the child’s symptoms may become internalized and develop into a more serious mental condition. Typically, the symptoms cluster to take the form of an anxiety disorder, a depressive disorder, or a somatic symptom disorder. [...] Regarding possible DSM-5 diagnoses, major depressive disorder and suicidality may develop in a child who grieves the loss of his previous family life or the loss of time with the noncustodial parent. If the child fears the loss of the custodial parent, he may develop separation anxiety disorder. [...] A serious consequence of high-conflict divorce is parental alienation, a mental condition in which a child closely allies with parent A and refuses to have a relationship with parent B without a good reason. [...] Parental alienation comes about as a result of 3 interacting and mutually reinforcing factors: Parental alienation usually occurs in the context of a high-conflict separation or divorce, although the seeds of parental alienation may have been sown when the family was still intact; Almost always, the preferred parent, also called the alienating parent, has indoctrinated or brainwashed the child to fear or dislike the rejected parent; Although clearly influenced by the alienating parent, the child adopts and internalizes the campaign to criticize, insult, and denigrate the alienated parent [...].”

From https://harbormentalhealth.com/2021/10/29/effects-of-divorce-on-childrens-mental-health/: “Some researchers suggest that the significant differences between children of divorced and non-divorced parents are not the result of separation or divorce per se, but a consequence of the reduced social support from parents and the children’s perception of the destructiveness of interparental conflict. Social support means having friends and other people, including family, to turn to in times of need or crisis to give you a broader focus and positive self-image. [...] many kids seem to bounce back. They get used to changes in their daily routines and they grow comfortable with their living arrangements. Others, however, never really seem to go back to “normal.” This small percentage of children may experience ongoing—possibly even lifelong—problems after their parents’ divorce. Emotional effects of divorce on children’s mental health: Divorce creates emotional turmoil for the entire family, but for kids, the situation can be quite scary, confusing, and frustrating: Young children often struggle to understand why they must go between two homes. They may worry that if their parents can stop loving one another that someday, their parents may stop loving them; Grade school children may worry that the divorce is their fault. They may fear they misbehaved or they may assume they did something wrong; Teenagers may become quite angry about divorce and the changes it creates. They may blame one parent for the dissolution of the marriage or they may resent one or both parents for the upheaval in the family. [...] Divorce usually means children lose daily contact with one parent—most often fathers. Decreased contact affects the parent-child bond and researchers have found many children feel less close to their fathers after divorce. One of the other effects of divorce on children’s mental health is a child’s relationship with the custodial parent—most often mothers. Primary caregivers often report higher levels of stress associated with single parenting. For some children, parental separation isn’t the hardest part. Instead, the accompanying stressors are what make divorce the most difficult. Changing schools, moving to a new home, and living with a single parent who feels a little more frazzled are just a few of the additional stressors that make divorce difficult. Financial hardships are also common following divorce. Many families have to move to smaller homes or change neighborhoods and they often have fewer material resources. [...] The addition of a stepparent and possibly several stepsiblings can be another big adjustment. And quite often both parents re-marry, which means many changes for kids. Mental Health Problems: Effects of divorce on children’s mental health may increase the risk for mental health problems in children and adolescents. [...] studies have also found depression and anxiety rates are higher in children from divorced parents. Behavior Problems: Children from divorced families may experience more externalizing problems, such as conduct disorders, delinquency, and impulsive behavior than kids from two-parent families. In addition to increased behavior problems, children may also experience more conflict with peers after a divorce. Poor Academic Performance: Children from divorced families don’t always perform as well academically and tend to have trouble with the school if the divorce was unexpected, whereas children from families where the divorce was likely didn’t have the same outcome. Risk-Taking Behaviors: Adolescents with divorced parents are more likely to engage in risky behavior, such as substance use and early sexual activity. According to research, in the United States, adolescents with divorced parents drink alcohol earlier and report higher alcohol, marijuana, tobacco, and drug use than their peers. Adolescents whose parents divorced when they were 5 years old or younger were at particularly high risk for becoming sexually active prior to the age of 16.

Separation from fathers has also been associated with higher numbers of sexual partners during adolescence.” From https://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/rp-pr/fl-lf/divorce/2004_1/p3.html: “There was some evidence that changes in discipline as a result of divorce led boys, especially, to be less compliant with parental commands than children in intact families. Emery summarized that parents involved in conflict with each other are probably poorer models, are more inconsistent in their discipline, and place more stress on their children.”. From https://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/rp-pr/fl-lf/divorce/2004_1/p2.html: “Jacobson (1978) [...] found that the greater the amount of time lost with the father since the marital separation, the greater the maladjustment of the child in areas such as aggression and learning disability. Peterson and Zill (1986) analyzed data from National Surveys of Children in the United States, gathering information about 2,301 children. [...] A child living with a parent of the opposite sex was especially prone to problem behaviour, according to Peterson and Zill. [...] Kelly and Wallerstein (1977) examined, in 60 divorcing families, the visiting patterns of children with their non-custodial parent. In general, younger children between the ages of two and eight saw their non-custodial parent more frequently than did older children. Half of the older children aged nine to ten experienced erratic or infrequent visiting or no visiting at all. The response of the older children to the divorce was anger. The authors concluded that infrequent visiting correlated with a destructive visiting pattern. [...] In a more recent book, Wallerstein concluded that the children of divorce suffer most in adulthood: The impact of divorce hits them most cruelly as they go in search of love, sexual intimacy and commitment. Their lack of inner images of a man and a woman in a stable relationship and their memories of their parents' failure to sustain the marriage badly hobbles their search, leading them to heartbreak and even despair (Wallerstein et al., 2000). [...] Other studies have indicated that wives who have divorced bear a greater economic burden. In general, they are worse off economically than their former husbands are (Espenshade, 1979).”

1980 - Jeremy, now five, moved to house 2 and began attending school 1 (Kindergarden).

1983 - Joseph divorced his second wife.

1984 - Wanda remarried, marrying Mr. Crane, when Jeremy was nine. They went to live with Jeremy and his sister in house 3. I do wonder if they lived alone or if the other children of Mr. Crane lived there as well, as it appears he had two other sons (one of them a teenager at the time) from a previous marriage. If they all did live together, Jeremy must have found it even harder to receive the attention he needed, but I am inclined to think Mr. Crane’s sons lived with their mother just like Jeremy and his sister lived with their mother after their parents’ divorce.

Anyway, Jeremy was now attending school 2 (elementary). If you are a child and you feel like your parents aren’t giving you enough attention and love at home, where are you going to look for those? Outside, naturally. However, if you are a child who really needs love and attention you’re probably going to get attached to anyone who shows even the minimal interest in you - the reason for which every abandonment you will then live, from that moment onwards, will hurt you more than the same thing happening to, say, someone who grew up in a stable and loving home instead.

This attachment theory was confirmed by Chris in one of the emails exchanged with Ash:

"Jeremy was a really, really, genuine and sweet person. He attached to people - probably a little too easily, too hard...and was like the most loyal of dogs (I don't mean that in a negative connotation whatsoever.) He was always down to do whatever the plan de jour was, he was just happy to be getting to spend time with "you." He wanted to make those around him happy by his wit, humor, antics, etc.”

1986 - Eleven-year-old Jeremy moved to house 4 and went back to attending school 1 (but now in elementary). That would mean changing four homes in seven years and three schools in six years, though the last three houses were only ten driving minutes from each other.

What are the psychological effects of frequent moving and changing schools on child development? Here’s what several studies found.

From https://achieveconcierge.com/how-does-frequently-moving-affect-children/: "Stability is the keyword here, meaning that kids will generally know what to expect from their day-to-day activities. It also means they feel secure in their relationships, health, and safety. [...] According to the Institute for Family Studies, stress due to repeated transitions can undermine a child’s sense of control over their life. Parents may also feel this and begin to suffer from mental health issues, affecting their ability to parent and instill a sense of security and trust in the child’s life. In turn, the child may develop their own emotional, social, and academic deficits. Children can also experience learned helplessness, meaning that, as a result of prior stressful experiences, they come to accept and remain passive in negative situations that they have the power to change. The implications of this on future decision-making can be detrimental. [...] Regardless of age, gender, and education level, the likelihood of reporting lower life satisfaction, psychological well-being, and quality social relationships during adulthood was higher in persons who frequently moved as a child. Researchers also discovered that introverts and those with neuroticism [Neuroticism is a core personality trait characterized by emotional instability, irritability, anxiety, self-doubt, depression, and other negative feelings] fared worse when it came to moving repeatedly. Persons who hold these personality traits tend to have a difficult time forming new relationships and managing stressful situations. [...] Moving is a stressful and burdensome process, and multiple relocations during early childhood and adolescence are associated with increased psychiatric visits and hospitalizations. Some children may become withdrawn and depressed." From https://www.jstor.org/stable/2673244: “Children who have moved an average or above-average number of times are not significantly harmed if they reside in families in which both biological parents are present; however, for children in other family structures, any move is associated with an adverse school life.” From https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2010/06/moving-well-being: “The researchers also looked to see if different personality types – extraversion, openness to experience, agreeableness, conscientiousness and neuroticism – affected frequent movers’ well-being. Among introverts, the more moves participants reported as children, the worse off they were as adults. This was in direct contrast to the findings among extraverts. “Moving a lot makes it difficult for people to maintain long-term close relationships,” said Oishi. “This might not be a serious problem for outgoing people who can make friends quickly and easily. Less outgoing people have a harder time making new friends.” From https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/psp-98-6-980.pdf: “Previous research has shown that children who move frequently tend to do poorly in school and report more behavioral problems (Adam, 2004; Jelleyman & Spencer, 2008). Adolescents who moved frequently as children are more likely to smoke, consume alcohol, and attempt suicide (Dong et al., 2005).” From https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0306460398000239: “Results showed highly significant positive relationships between moving and early initiation of illicit drugs including marijuana [...]. Relationships between moving and measures of alcohol use/problems (onset of first drink, onset of any alcohol-related problem) were either weak or nonsignificant. Important sex differences were found, with statistically significant relationships between moving and early drug use initiation and progression occurring primarily among males.”

Picture it: you’re a child who quickly learns that nothing is forever, because the two most important people in your life, your parents, divorce (badly). From that moment on, you move houses and schools several times, but you barely have the time to get accustomed to or feel safe in your new home, or to make friends at the new school, that out of nowhere you’re forced to move or change schools again. The internet doesn’t exist yet (or at least not as we know it) and the only ways you have to keep in contact with friends is either by letter or phone. You can meet each other, of course, but you’re both just children and you can’t hop on a bus by yourselves, so you strictly have to depend on your parents’ availability. In the meanwhile, you can send letters, which take days or weeks to arrive, or you can call, which is immediate, but then what? You’re not as hyper connected as we are today: in a certain sense, after the call ends, you’re on your own again and the other person stops existing until you call or receive a letter from them again.

But what if you’re lucky enough to find a friend you can keep, in spite of it all? What if you find someone who loves you for who you are and with whom you can be yourself; a best friend who probably feels like family, a sibling, that one stable presence in your life you so badly needed? Apparently, Jeremy was lucky enough to find one.

1987 - Jeremy began attending school 4 (middle school).

From jeremywadedelle.com (‘Early life’): “Sept 1987 – Mid 1988 - Jeremy starts grade 7 [...]. He fails grade 7 and has to repeat the school year."

A MAJOR TRAUMA: THE TRAGIC LOSS OF A BEST FRIEND

(around) 1988 - Jeremy's best friend Mike died, supposedly in a car accident. This left a great scar on him.

From Jeremy's September 1990 letter addressed to Chris: “It’s almost unreal how close I feel to you. I thought there could never be another Mike. You’re not really a Mike but you’re a good close friend. It’s been 2 ½ years since I’ve told a guy my age I care about him a lot.”

In one of the emails exchanged with Ash, Chris explained:

“Oh, and Mike - who he'd said that he didn't think there would ever be another of. That was his best friend (verified by his parents. Mike was a very real person) who had been killed in Mexico a couple of years earlier. Car accident I think, or maybe he got hit as a pedestrian? Again...it's been 30 yrs. But he talked a lot about the loss of Brian [Likely a typing mistake] and how close they'd been since kindergarten (I think). But that was a pretty rough blow to him.”

I supposed that Jeremy was indeed referring to Mike when he claimed that it had been 2 1/2 years since the last time he had told a guy his age how much he cared about him. This would mean that, given the letter was written in September 1990, if the person Jeremy was referring to was indeed this Mike, he must have died around the spring of 1988, exactly when Jeremy was attending seventh grade, which may be the reason why he failed it. Naturally these are only suppositions, but it is important to state that before Chris, nobody had ever mentioned Mike, though one person on ssheps.com had spread a similar rumor, more than ten years earlier:

From ssheps.com (‘Jeremy Wade Delle’, section ‘Mary N.’): "I live here in Richardson and I have had two daughters graduate and one there right now. I have heard from older mothers that have been around that the reason Jeremy was having problems is because he had a good friend who drowned in white rock lake one night while a group of friends including Jeremy were playing football on the banks. Supposedly Jeremy was dealing with the guilt of not being able to save him. I do not know how true this is but it might be something to look into."

I’m not inclined to believe rumors, but given Chris’ testament, I think there may be some form of truth behind it.

Take this new trauma and dump it on the shoulders of a pre-teen who has already gone through the traumatic instances I mentioned. His brain is still developing, therefore it’s lacking appropriate emotional and psychological resources to deal with all of this; he also grew up in a household in which, because of internal conflicts, his parents were unlikely able to teach or show him appropriate ways to deal with emotions and problems.

The thoughts and feelings that are going to arise in him as a result of this latest trauma are an unimaginable amount of grief followed by the overwhelming feeling that he will never be able to find anyone who will make him feel as safe and accepted as his best friend - his source of stability - did. He’s going to feel a huge void, a big missing part of him that he has no idea how to fill… not to mention an inconceivable amount of guilt if, perhaps, this best friend really did die in an accident where Jeremy was present but was unable to save him, like the rumor reported by Mary N. suggested.

And how do emotionally unskilled people fill voids? In what way can the brain develop as a consequence, in such a young and fragile age? Well, it’s not hard to imagine: there would very likely be behavioral issues, such as the development of a personality or mood disorder, perhaps. If there were several instances of being abruptly separated from loved ones who served as an important source of stability, the result would probably be the development (or most likely the accentuation) of some important form of fear of abandonment, which can manifest itself in being possessive of other people (namely the ones with which a closer bonds is formed, like a girlfriend) and in easily and excessively idealizing and attaching to new people; not to mention that one could very likely find quick, unhealthy and irresponsible ways to deal with the pain - like smoking, drinking alcohol or doing drugs. Jeremy indulged in all of these behaviors, behaviors which are very typical of a personality disorder he was rumored to have been suffering from, though there was never an official diagnosis: Borderline Personality Disorder. This disorder was long thought to be diagnosable only from eighteen years of age, though recent studies have shown it can start to manifest itself in people as young as eleven years old. I will describe BPD in detail when I will talk about Jeremy’s first relationship with Nancy when he was fourteen years old.

For now, I will limit myself to reporting what several studies found about the effects of bereavement on the psychology of children and teenagers:

From https://psykologisk.no/sp/2015/03/e5/: “Having relationships with and being attached to others is important for human beings, and young people, especially, invest a lot of energy in being included, and being part of a group (Coleman, 2011). During adolescence and through young adulthood there is a shift with decreasing parental support and increasing support from friends (Margolese, Markiewicz, & Doyle, 2005). The importance of friend relationships during adolescence and young adulthood would predict that losing a close friend at this age could be a life-changing experience (Balk, Zaengle, & Corr, 2011; Ringler & Hayden, 2000). Experiencing a loss could lead to growth and maturity, but may also interfere with normal developmental tasks and impede function (Doka, 2000; Neimeyer, Laurie, Mehta, Hardison, & Currier, 2008). Young girls have a closer relationship with their friends than boys do, with higher levels of both intimacy and peer support (Coleman, 2011; De Goede, Branje, & Meeus, 2009; Malone, 2012; Markiewicz, Lawford, Doyle, & Haggart, 2006), predicting stronger grief reactions in girls. [...] Previous studies have also found that for some the loss of a friend can result in more severe grief reactions than the loss of an extended family member (Holland & Neimeyer, 2011; Pfefferbaum et al., 2000; Servaty-Seib & Pistole, 2006–2007). [...] Bereavement following violent losses (accidents, homicide or suicide) increases the risk for complicated grief, thereby causing greater distress (e.g., Currier, Holland, & Neimeyer, 2006; Hardison et al., 2005; Lobb et al., 2010). [...] when comparing the scores of friends with those of close family members (bereaved parents and siblings) in our study, we found as high, and sometimes higher, scores in friends (Dyregrov, Dyregrov, & Kristensen, 2014). Among friends, 83% were in the risk zone for complicated grief [...]. In particular, friends had reactions like longing and not being able to accept the loss, and had high levels of intrusive thoughts and avoidance symptoms. Many reported feelings of unreality and experienced traumatic reminders. In addition, they reported feelings of depression and worry, and had relatively high scores on suicidal ideation.” From https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8794619/: “Childhood bereavement is associated with a range of mental and behavioral health problems, including depression (Cerel et al., 2006), posttraumatic stress reactions (Keyes et al., 2014), substance use (Kaplow et al., 2010), suicide-related behaviors (Guldin et al., 2015; Hill et al., 2019), decreased academic performance (Oosterhoff et al., 2018), and impairments in developmental tasks (Brent et al., 2012). [...] Criteria for PGD [Prolonged Grief Disorder] as per the ICD-11 includes “persistent and pervasive longing for and/or persistent preoccupation with the deceased, accompanied by any of the 10 symptoms that indicate intense emotional pain (e.g., sadness, guilt, anger, denial, blame; difficulty accepting the death; feeling one has lost a part of one’s self; an inability to experience positive mood; emotional numbness; difficulty in engaging with social or other activities) for at least six months following bereavement” (WHO, 2018). [...] Intense emotional pain in youth may be motivated by frustration and anger about feeling deprived of the deceased person’s help in responding to their developmental needs [...]. [...] In older children and adolescents, separation distress may sometimes take the form of a wish to die or fantasies of dying (i.e., suicidal ideation). These wishes reflect an intense desire to be reunited with their loved one and, depending on their own spiritual beliefs, may serve, in their own mind, as a means of overcoming the painful physical separation from their loved one (Kaplow et al., 2012; Kentor & Kaplow, 2020).

Developmental slowing may appear in adolescence as the avoidance of forming age-appropriate future aspirations, such as career and family goals (Kaplow et al., 2012; Layne et al., 2017). [...] Both children and adolescents may express discontinuity in identity as shame or embarrassment surrounding the loss, as they may now feel different from others and subsequently self-conscious (e.g., I’m different from other kids because I don’t have a mother anymore); however, this manifestation may be more salient in older children and adolescents due to their increased prioritization of peers combined with the critical developmental task of identity development during this time (Brown & Larson, 2009; Kroger, 2006). Similarly, existential or identity distress can result in fears related to getting close to others or forming new relationships (e.g., I don’t want to feel the pain of losing someone ever again) (Saltzman et al., 2017). Loss-related existential or identity crises may also manifest in adolescents as extreme risk-taking or recklessness, tempting fate, indifference to one’s safety or well-being (‘‘I don’t care if I live or die’’), and feeling like life is meaningless (“its’s not worth trying” or “nothing really matters anymore”; Kaplow et al., 2012, 2013; Layne et al., 2017). [...] The nature of the relationship to the deceased is also important, as research shows relationships with the deceased that were close, supportive, and confiding are associated with an increased risk of maladaptive grief symptoms (Lobb et al., 2010). Additional research has found that adolescents who experienced the death of a friend had significantly higher maladaptive grief symptoms than those who experienced the death of a grandparent, and emotional closeness to the deceased was a positive predictor of maladaptive grief reactions regardless of the relationship to the person who died (Servaty-Seib & Pistole, 2007). [...] From https://scholarworks.lib.csusb.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1487&context=etd-project: “Children frequently feel guilty about the death of a loved one. While this can be attributed to the child's egocentrism, Krupnick (1984) points to these guilt feelings as a way for the individual to feel in control of the environment, as a way of denying or defending against the sense of being ineffectual, a state which can lead to depression and apathy, similar to Seligman's description of "learned helplessness" and resultant depression (Seligman et al, 1974). Another typical reaction of children is to fear further abandonment. Richter (1986) interviewed children who had experienced the death of a sibling. One 13-year-old boy remembered his fears of the time following his loss: "If someone went away, I always felt they wouldn't come back, i was afraid my mom would go away to work and never come home (p. 23)." [...] the death of a sibling, parent or other significant attachment figure has an impact on the child's ability to achieve certain developmental milestones, depending on the child's age at the time of the death. If the death occurs when the surviving child is in the middle childhood stage, the long-term effects will be in the area of competency and self-esteem, which will also affect the ability to form a sense of identity and intimate relationships. If the death occurs when the surviving child is in adolescence and working on issues of identity and intimacy, these will be the areas most affected as an adult.”

A DIFFICULT PERSONALITY: THE ‘BOY WHO CRIED WOLF’ AND PARENTS WHO (DIDN’T?) CARE

Image credit: Shayna Feinstein

In my post in which I analyzed Jeremy being bullied, I also introduced proof of him being a "pathological liar", as his father called him. For four years of researching Jeremy and his world, I had no idea what that meant until I experienced it myself.

So, I currently work with teenagers and one day I found out a lot of the things one teen had told me were lies. I was angry about it at first, until one of my colleagues explained the situation to me: this teen lived alone with their mother, who wouldn't pay much attention to them and basically let them do whatever they wanted. They had learned that in order to gain the attention of their mom, they would need to paint things bigger and more worrisome than they were: that's how they became a pathological liar.

With that, I managed to add the final, missing piece to understanding the Jeremy puzzle. Jeremy had made several comments to his friends about his parents not paying attention to him: his father had remarried and lived in another home for ten years - he clearly had built another life in which Jeremy may have not been involved much. His mother, on the other hand, had in all probability to work twice as hard while she was single in order to provide a home and food for her two children. She must have had a lot to worry about and probably didn’t give Jeremy the amount of attention he so badly needed, which is a difficult thing to do when you yourself need to rebuild your life from scratch. Jeremy was also the youngest in the family, his sister was older when their parents divorced so she was probably better mentally equipped to cope with, or at least to understand, the events. It also seems his sister was doing better at school than him (she was also a cheerleader, for a short while) and it could be that she received more attention than Jeremy. Jeremy did, in fact, "blame his problems on his parents and his older sister"; but I’ll include some considerations Chris made in one of his emails exchanged with Ash, so that you can get another point of view since, until now, all we knew was what Jeremy had told people:

"Another thing that I read that I really don't like because I don't think it is accurate, and this has been being said since around the time of his death. The thing about his not receiving enough love at home. I knew both of his parents back then. His dad more than his mom. He was definitely cared for. Was he a needy kid/teen? Apparently more than realized. Was he not given or shown love and support? Not even close. Often people can say that they love us, and try for all they know what to do, in attempts to show us. That doesn't mean it is the "right way" or most well received way for the individual. I think that his parents were doing everything that they could to pick up after their divorce, start anew with new partners, while trying to co-parent their kids pragmatically. Did [Jeremy's sister] get more attention from his mom than he did? Yeah I'd say so. I think that his dad was sort of at a loss as to what to do, so befriending him to try and understand him was the route he took. Sometimes kids need a parent more than a best bud. This was the late 80's and our society was not as used to wide scale divorce as we are currently. I remember the mid-life crisis divorce trend hitting big around 1984/85/86. [...] We as a culture were still navigating widespread single parenting, and were not yet fully aware of how much of a task it is/was. No, I don't think he was lacking love or emotional support at home. I just don't think that it was what he needed for his particular wants from a parent, whether that was consciously or sub-consciously such”.

There is one thing that I feel the need to point out about Chris’s point of view: he had met Jeremy’s parents but he did not know how they would act behind closed doors, when he wasn’t around; and there's no real way to tell given everyone gives their own version and we wouldn’t get a clear view out of Jeremy even if we could: he was a teenager and a pathological liar who tended to paint things bigger than they were… so who knows? I guess the truth is in the middle and it’s similar to what Chris said: there are different ways of showing and interpreting love, different love languages, and they don’t always get recognized, understood and appreciated. No doubt Jeremy’s parents loved him, but maybe they and Jeremy shared a different love language.

Let's now try to understand how it feels to be around a pathological liar: if somebody constantly lies about themselves and their life, so much that you can't really tell whether they are telling the truth or just painting things bigger or making them up... how much can you really say you know about them? How can you really get close, so close that you can effectively help, to someone who never lets you see who they really are or how they really are feeling? Because you see, Jeremy's problem wasn't only the lies, it was also the fact that he was a boy and boys and men are expected to be strong and never cry, never show any ‘weak’ emotion, never show any sign of vulnerability because otherwise they’re going to be labeled as weak. Consider also that Jeremy was living in one of the least progressive states - Texas - in years in which nobody would really say how they felt out of fear of being seen as crazy; and remember that looking for a therapist wasn’t even the first option given that in the United States even calling an ambulance costs lots of money.

What you're going to obtain as a result of all of these factors is someone who bottles everything up, using any sort of quick, cheap and unhealthy thing - alcohol, smoke, drugs - in order to cope, until they eventually explode because they have very poor emotional regulation skills. You're going to have a kid who is unpredictable and indulges in dangerous, self-destructive behavior, both because they don't know any better and because they grew up learning that they need to be dramatic (and lie) in order to obtain attention.

But let’s switch perspectives: imagine that you’re the parent of such a child, a child who is always being ‘dramatic’, and imagine that some kids from some psychiatric hospital (who carry the stigma of being ‘not normal’ and unreliable) call you and tell you that your kid (who, again, you know very well to be dramatic) said some worrying things and mentioned suicide... would you believe them? Because I have got to be honest with you: once I understood Jeremy's ‘boy who cried wolf’ tendency, I finally understood that his mother did not pay attention to the warning of his friends not because she didn't care, but rather because she thought Jeremy was acting out for attention, like he often would. I can’t even imagine the trauma of finding out that, this time, the threat was real, and living with the remorse that you should have somehow been able to distinguish this real threat from all the other 'just for attention' ones. Plus, today it is known that behind someone who constantly tries to draw the attention of others, there is a request for help (when there aren't certain personality disorders like narcissistic and histrionic), but can you really expect a parent living in a psychology-ignorant society to know this?

What about Jeremy’s father, then, did he care? Well, he ran out of all his insurance’s money (and it must have been a lot) in order to allow Jeremy to stay six months in Timberlawn to get better; and when Jeremy got out Joseph looked for another therapist. Also, when Jeremy was arrested for theft at Richardson High School, Joseph asked the police to report his son’s theft to the juvenile system, so he could receive proper help. This doesn’t look like a father who didn’t care about his son, does it? Someone who didn't care wouldn't have spent a dime on Jeremy. What it looks like, is that Joseph was simply desperate, much like Wanda: they didn't know what to do with their erratic, incorrigible son anymore, their resources and knowledge were very limited because they lived in a time where the Internet didn't exist so they had very limited options or solutions - in other words, they knew what was in their immediate surroundings; if there were other solutions, they couldn’t know about them.

Connected to this is Joseph and Wanda's reaction when learning about Jeremy's death: Wanda became "hysterical", Joseph was described by the policeman filing the report as showing “no emotion, remorse or anything else, concerning the death of his son". What I personally believe is that Wanda was “hysterical” also because she understood this time Jeremy’s threat was real and she didn’t listen; while Joseph, on the other hand, it took me a lot of time, study and pondering to understand that maybe he was acting ‘uncaring’ because… he had expected Jeremy’s suicide to happen.

Think about it: the last straw was him asking the police to have his son’s theft reported to the juvenile system - a desperate request from a desperate father who had run out of solutions. His son had already attempted suicide, but after Timberlawn he was acting even worse and it seemed like he was never going to get better. In fact, his only aspirations at age sixteen were to get a car and a girl pregnant and he didn’t want to stay off of drugs nor stay out of trouble. In my eyes, Joseph was acting ‘uncaring’ because he had expected and feared something so terrible would happen, but he had run out of solutions so he felt like it was only going to be a matter of time - he felt helpless. And when the day finally came that Jeremy did kill himself, I think the first thought that went through his mind was: “It happened.”

So no. It is easy to point fingers and blame Jeremy’s parents, but from all the sources I could gather and the pondering I did, I believe his parents did try, until the very end, at the best of their knowledge and abilities, but were left feeling helpless seeing that no matter what they did or how much money they spent on him, Jeremy was resisting every treatment.

It goes without saying that those parents are grieving for Jeremy until this day, just like his poor sister is. “No day shall erase you from the memory of time”.

LOVE ON THE BORDER LINE: LOVING SOMEONE WHEN YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO LOVE

Image credit: waterfall7290. This was one of my first Jeremy drawings, made in 2020, and I guarantee you it’s only a matter of time before another Tumblr content-stealing website comes along and republishes it elsewhere without my consent. Oh well.

March 1990 - Jeremy met his first love, Nancy. First loves are known to be the ones you never forget about, because it is the first time you’re having such strong feelings for someone, someone you don’t really know and that you idealize because you’re young and naive. Later in life, after many ‘life lessons’, you eventually learn not to idealize people and that it takes time to form a strong bond. However, when you’re just a teenager and especially when you’re in such desperate need for love, you don’t do that. And you don’t do that if you have Borderline Personality Disorder.

ABOUT BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER: Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a long-term mental health disorder which commenced to be widely studied in the 1980s. Because of the severity of its symptoms, it requires the attention of very skilled and highly trained mental health professionals. This condition is considered one of the most stigmatized and challenging to treat, reason why not many therapists feel comfortable working with it or even diagnosing it (source). This is also due to the fact that it is common among borderline patients to display manipulative behaviors which could result in the loss of their therapist's license (source). Borderline Personality Disorder is characterized by rather intense and sudden mood swings, impulsivity, a pattern of unstable relationships, intense episodes of anger, depression and anxiety lasting from a few hours to days. Individuals suffering from BPD also possess an unstable image of oneself, extreme fear of abandonment and a tendency to dramatically shift their opinion of people by either idealizing or demonizing them (commonly referred to as "black and white thinking") (source). Additionally, they often turn to substance abuse, self-harm and reckless and impulsive behavior (e.g. shopping spree, reckless driving...) in an attempt to ease their intense emotions or, on the contrary, to try to feel any kind of emotion, since they go through chronic feelings of emptiness and dissociation, too. It is estimated that 50 to 80% of individuals suffering from BPD self-harm and that up to 10% manage to commit suicide (source). The intensity and presence of the symptoms varies from patient to patient. BPD has a genetic predisposition. Environmental factors that have been identified as contributing to the development of borderline personality disorder include primarily childhood maltreatment (physical, sexual, or neglect), found in up to 70% of people with BPD, as well as maternal separation, poor maternal attachment, inappropriate family boundaries, parental substance abuse, and serious parental psychopathology (source). For a long time, it was believed that BPD could not be diagnosed before the age of eighteen years old, because several of its symptoms (e.g. impulsivity, anger outbursts, intense emotions, identity disturbance…) can be mistaken for normal changes in the body and mind happening during adolescence. However, in later years, numerous researches have shown that BPD can indeed start to manifest itself in adolescence (as young as eleven years old): “Using the same Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, fifth version (DSM-V) criteria as in adults, borderline personality disorder (BPD) in adolescents is defined as a 1-year pattern of immature personality development with disturbances in at least five of the following domains: efforts to avoid abandonment, unstable interpersonal relationships, identity disturbance, impulsivity, suicidal and self-mutilating behaviors, affective instability, chronic feelings of emptiness, inappropriate intense anger, and stress-related paranoid ideation. BPD can be reliably diagnosed in adolescents as young as 11 years. The available epidemiological studies suggest that the prevalence of BPD in the general population of adolescents is around 3%. The clinical prevalence of BPD ranges from 11% in adolescents consulting at an outpatient clinic to 78% in suicidal adolescents attending an emergency department.” (source)

Now, I’m no psychologist or such, but we could find some similarities between Jeremy’s reported behavior and the symptoms here described: Efforts to avoid abandonment: threatening suicide twice (both episodes in July 1990) in order to convince Nancy to get back with him; offering Michelle to raise a child that wasn’t even his so he could still be involved with her. In addition to this, the September 1990 letter addressed to Chris shows a really insecure and ‘clingy’ Jeremy writing 4/7 pages of affection and appreciation for his friend! Unstable interpersonal relationships: the tormented relationships both with Nancy and Michelle and his incapability of setting and respecting boundaries, like not accepting the breakups and insisting on contacting and expressing love and longing for both. A core symptom of BPD is also the idealization/demonization of people, which he did with both ex-girlfriends: Nancy was idealized as she was seen as the love of his life (the ring he wanted her to have on the last day) although they had known each other for less than two weeks before dating and they had dated for only a month; while Michelle went from being idealized to demonized the moment she broke up with Jeremy (he accused her of being partially to blame for his suicide). Identity disturbance: identity disturbance is a term used to describe incoherence or inconsistency in a person's sense of identity. This could mean that a person's goals, beliefs and actions are constantly changing - like Jeremy lying about himself and his life or Jeremy admitting (in the September 1990 letter to Chris) to getting his arm tattoo and pretending to be affiliated with the Confederate Hammerskins only to impress Chris. Impulsivity: lying, making threatening comments about the Math teacher, stealing a stereo, stealing money from the basketball game, stealing the ring and the gun, stealing his parent’s car multiple times to go visit friends as far as Austin... impulsivity basically means getting in potentially risky/dangerous situations without thinking of the consequences first. Suicidal and self-mutilating behaviors: this one is obvious, but self-mutilating/self-harming behaviors can also include abusing substances (which Jeremy was known for); exercising to the point of collapse or injury; getting into fights in which one is likely to be hurt; having unsafe sex; denying oneself a necessity as a punishment; stopping medication or starving with intent to cause harm; deliberate recklessness (e.g. risk-taking with cars and trains). (source, source) Now I don’t know if Jeremy had any self-inflicted wounds on his body, but I believe he did show signs of the other self-harming behaviors which I have written in bold: he was found to be twelve pounds lighter when he died (which means in some way he had denied himself the necessity to eat) and he “did not want to stay clean” from drugs (which was necessary for his well-being). He was also reckless (see: impulsivity). Chronic feelings of emptiness: emptiness can be ‘fought’ by indulging in unhealthy behaviors like doing impulsive and risky things like stealing a car, lying about one’s life, abusing substances… the riskier the behavior, the more alive one feels (thanks to an adrenaline rush). Affective instability/Inappropriate intense anger: affective instability is a term used to indicate rapid emotional shifts, usually towards a negative emotion such as depression, anxiety or anger. Several people described Jeremy as a kid with anger problems. Stress-related paranoid ideation: Jeremy telling Ryan that “for some unknown reason people were trying to track him down, and someone was going to kill him”, so that’s why he needed a gun. I may be stretching things here, or maybe I am not. There’s no way to know if Jeremy really had BPD (and maybe some other comorbid disorder like Bipolar Disorder), but I’ve always been inclined to think he did fit several of its symptoms.

Back to Jeremy's love life: why is love so important in our society? Because it is the foundation for building a second home, a second family. Ever since we’re children, our society brainwashes us into believing love is magically going to solve all of our problems: think of all the fables and stories that tell about a prince saving a princess and finding love and a happy ever after; think of all the cartoons, especially Disney, every one of us grew up with - love is always the goal, love is the magic force that saves. And that task of solving problems and providing happiness is always assigned to women, who are seen as the embodiment of unconditional love and family. Girls grow up with the idea that a boy is going to protect them and boys grow up with the idea that a girl is going to cure their issues with the magical power of love. Everyone falls for this stereotype, but those who didn’t feel loved enough by their first family tend to believe in this more strongly than those who grew up in a loving home.

Now when Jeremy found Nancy, he thought he had found the cure for all of his sadness and issues. He was missing his first family, so he felt the need to create another one, one in which he would actually experience undivided love and attention, and idealized this to be possible with Nancy. Unfortunately, the problem was that Jeremy was incapable of healthily manage a relationship, both because he had never witnessed what healthy love was (given his parents had had a messy divorce) and also because he was so young and inexperienced and going through adolescence, a time of life where a million changes are happening both on the inside and on the outside and it is difficult to navigate through them, especially if you lack emotional regulation skills and the help of a proper therapist (namely a cognitive-behavioral one which is so common today but which was so uncommon at the time).

So what happens when you have all these emotional regulation problems, huge expectations, a huge need for love and a huge fear of abandonment? You cling onto the other person. You become very jealous because you’re afraid of losing them and you constantly project your fears onto this person, becoming possessive and suffocating - toxic, in other words.

And what can the person you’re with, which is your opposite, do? They leave you. They probably won’t even try to work through the issues because at such a young age, let’s be honest, the majority of teenagers want to have a good time, not to have someone who drags them down. Plus, it’s really of no point to try to work through said issues if the person you’re with doesn’t want to solve them, probably makes you feel smothered and unsafe and doesn’t even look like the kind of person you could ever build something with (Jeremy really had no aspirations, while Nancy had many).

From the 1991 police report (page 20 of the PDF): “Nancy advised they dated from that time until sometime in the middle of April at which time she broke off the relationship with Delle due to him being possessive and his problems with drugs and depression."

Let’s switch sides again now and let’s try to put ourselves in Jeremy’s shoes: how are you going to react knowing that after having lost half of your family, friends through the years, your beloved best friend… now even the person you thought you had a future with, the ‘love of your life’, left you? You will probably think life is an unending source of pain in which everything you love eventually leaves you. Maybe you even blame yourself for it: “Everything I love leaves me so it must be my fault, I ruin everything”. Thoughts of this kind can lead to desperation, desperation which can exacerbate into extreme behaviors if you don’t receive any (professional) help or are incapable of both processing and expressing your emotions in a healthy way.

April 1990: Jeremy attempted suicide, two days after breaking up with Nancy.

His parents came together and decided to put Jeremy in what was thought to be the best hospital in Texas at the time, in an attempt to give him the help he needed: Timberlawn psychiatric hospital in Dallas. Jeremy spent six months of his life there, having the chance to come home for a brief time thanks to occasional passes.

In Jeremy’s September 1990 letter addressed to Chris, Jeremy claimed to have made some friends in Timberlawn who helped him, Chris being the most important one, who was like a “big fucking brother” to him. He also stated:

“I’m glad I got engaged with therapy and treatment, it’s made my time [in the program] shorter. [...] Now that I look at it running was stupid and didn’t solve anything so I’m not doing it cause it makes me feel like a complete dumbass, and that’s something I don’t want to feel like or be remembered as, cause I’m not.”

July 1990: Jeremy met Michelle at Timberlawn. Michelle was as troubled as Jeremy was, if not more: apparently she had been subjected to some important traumas during her childhood, which had made her into a very troubled and unstable person. At Timberlawn, she and Jeremy found each other and felt like they could understand each other, the ‘rejects’ of society who could build a happy future together.

Nevertheless, Jeremy was still longing for Nancy and when he got a pass to come home from Timberlawn in July 1990, he drove to her residence one night and did something very manipulative and toxic: he stated that he had a gun and that he wanted to kill himself. He had tried to do the same thing earlier that month when he had met Nancy again at the summer retreat sponsored by Casa View Baptist Church: he had climbed on a rock and had threatened suicide. Such manipulative and toxic behavior is unfortunately very typical of people who have serious disorders like Borderline Personality Disorder, for example. However, it is important to know that the majority of the people who do these things don’t usually do it out of malice, which means with the intent of hurting the other person - on the contrary, they often do it because life has no meaning to them and they’re desperate: they cannot accept the idea that the person who means everything to them doesn’t want them anymore and they don’t know any better way of gaining their attention, so they use suicide as a last resort. Still, malice or not, such behavior is very toxic and manipulative and should not be excused.

Now, try to put yourselves in Nancy’s shoes: even if she did not want to be in a relationship with Jeremy anymore, why do you think she never cut ties with him? She certainly wasn’t indifferent to him, in the sense that she cared about him, but I truly believe the thing that stopped her from cutting all ties was guilt and fear - fear that if she left, Jeremy would kill himself and she’d have to live with remorse. So she stayed, and Jeremy never really moved on from their breakup, because he could call her anytime he wanted and she’d always answer… and I can empathize with that choice, if that was really what made Nancy stay. Many people believe that if two people stay friends after a breakup, maybe the dumped one will suffer less… but they won’t. They will actually suffer more because they will keep hanging on to the hope that maybe, maybe one day they’ll get back together with their loved one - which is what, to my understanding, Jeremy hoped for until the very end.

Let’s go back to Michelle. It is not known if Jeremy met Michelle before or after these incidents. I am inclined to believe they may have met later, or maybe Jeremy already knew her but got interested in her following these events. This would make sense and it could be seen as a desperate attempt of his to find a replacement for Nancy. In my opinion, if he really had been in love with Michelle, he would have stopped calling Nancy; yet he didn’t, he kept calling her until the very end, so that’s why I believe Michelle was really a desperate lifeline to him. This makes even more sense if you consider that Jeremy did seem like the type of boy who would fall for basically anyone, as if he was constantly trying to fill a void. Surely that’s a normal thing at his age, but I have noticed a pattern which I want to report here:

From the September 7, 2021 email ‘RE: RE: I need your help with the story’ Ash exchanged with me: “Just be sure to convey that Lisa was just a crush of his...not a real deal first love or so. He was very committed to Nancy and Michelle at the time. But he could not decide. And he was always looking to score something "better", so to speak. In this regard he was the typical teen boy. He wanted to make love with Lisa. He was very focused on blondes with big ... you know. As I said, very blunt. It is apparent from his notes and what Lisa told me, which is why she turned him down.”; From the 1991 police report (page 30 of the PDF): “1/15/91 I received two letters [...] Jeremy Delle addressed to a Ladanda [...]. These notes talk about [...] his feelings for Ladanda."; From the suicide letter Jeremy sent to his friend Chris from Austin’s family and which was posted on jeremywadedelle.com (‘Later Life’, section ‘January 1991’): “[Censored, presumably the name of Chris’ sister]: “you are very very pretty. I hope you make some guy happy. You’re parents too.[...]”.

Anyway, Jeremy was released from Timberlawn in October 1990, while Michelle was re-admitted into Timberlawn. This makes you understand that the poor girl was really having a hard time, so it should come to no surprise that if someone as balanced as Nancy wasn’t capable of handling a relationship with Jeremy, neither could a girl who kept being re-admitted into psychiatric hospitals. Michelle couldn’t handle being with someone who was pressuring her to have a family with him and possibly get married… while being only sixteen and having been dating for only a couple of months! It is very normal to idealize people during adolescence, but all that running and pressuring to build a family together when they barely knew each other was over the top and it’s actually something that’s very common in people with, again, Borderline Personality Disorder.

Adding to this, Jeremy was a pathological liar, and usually pathological liars get to a point where they can’t really differentiate the truth from when they’re lying because that is a mechanism their brain has learned not only to gain the attention of people, but also to build a different reality than the one the person is actually living in. I guess you could define it as some form of dissociation: you dissociate from your real life and live into a fantasy, a fantasy you really, really want to believe, to the point you lose yourself in it. And that’s what Jeremy did when he was going around showing people pictures of a baby which wasn’t even his: he desperately wanted to believe he had a second family - so desperate, that when Michelle told him she thought she was pregnant but not of him, he offered to raise the baby, even if it wasn’t his. He wanted to have a second family so badly because he wanted to find love, but a love which wouldn’t divorce, wouldn’t die or wouldn’t leave him: he wanted a forever happy ever after; he wanted certainty and safety, above all.

So when Michelle rejected him, he demonized her, saying she was (part of) the reason why he would later kill himself. Obviously, it wasn’t Michelle’s fault: if Jeremy had been doing better and he and Michelle had broken up, he wouldn’t have killed himself - instead, he killed himself because he had a lot of problems and traumas weighing on him… so it was not because of how Michelle may have acted.

I don’t know how Michelle is doing today, but I know she’s had a very troubled life and while I don’t think the death of Jeremy is what caused her adult problems, I believe it’s part of it and I feel sorry for her because she had no fault over what happened; just like the Delle family had no real fault: they all did the best they could with the best of the knowledge and abilities they had at the time.

LIFE AT RICHARDSON HIGH: THE HOSPITAL STIGMA, FEELINGS OF INADEQUACY, BULLYING AND ALIENATION

October 1990 - Jeremy was released from Timberlawn. He was a broken, lost and depressed fifteen-year-old with several traumas weighing on his shoulders and with very low self-confidence and self-esteem. He had a great need for love and attention which stemmed from his parents' divorce and the fact that, in his eyes, they weren’t giving him enough of any of the two. He was looking for someone - anyone - who could love him and stay with him forever… but his family was split and the friends he had made during the years had lasted only a short time, because he had changed schools and addresses multiple times and now he was alone in a new city, new school, with no friend by his side.

The friend he cared about the most, Chris, was 200 miles away in Austin. His forever best friend, Mike, the first and real family he felt like he had, had died in a tragic accident a few years earlier. On top of all that, both his girlfriends had broken up with him, making him feel like he wasn’t worthy of being loved. And if he wasn’t worthy of being loved, he could never have his own family.

Was it even worth trying to build a bond with someone anymore, given life had taught him no bond ever lasted? On one hand, it really seemed like he wasn’t destined to find a loving and stable figure, and on the other hand, it seemed like he didn’t deserve to find any. Deep down, it is likely Jeremy felt like he wasn’t good enough to be loved (he couldn’t have a healthy relationship even if he wanted to, as his behavior was a big issue) and like he was too broken to get his life together. But he tried to fight this feeling.

After coming out of the hospital, he went to live with his father, who had been a kind of estranged figure all of his life - maybe not estranged but one with whom he surely had much less contact. He probably didn’t know how to act and neither did his father, much like Chris suggested. Jeremy must have also felt rejected by his own mother, whom he felt ‘didn’t want him anymore’. Ash suggested that Jeremy’s behavior with the anger outbursts, the drug problems and the ‘drama’ must have been very hard on his sister and his mother, so maybe that’s why Wanda sent him to live with his father. Who knows. In any case, he was undoubtedly closer to his mother (having lived with her all his life) and mothers are generally more emotionally available than fathers, in the sense that it is easier for a son to open up about his feelings to his mother than to his father, especially one that hadn’t been much present in his life.

As a result of all this, Jeremy acted up and was ‘dramatic’, he told a lot of lies because he had developed like that, he had learned that he needed to make others worry in order to make them notice him. But this backfired because it got him into trouble and arose conflicts with his parents, making him feel worse and worse. On top of all that was also his addiction to substances, which made him feel better temporarily but once the effect ended, he would feel those ugly emotions again so he would go look for those substances again - he was trapped in a never-ending cycle of unhealthy dependency which he could not (or did not want to) stop.

Richardson was his fifth home (six, if you also count the residence at Timberlawn) in ten years and Richardson High was his seventh (or a little less, the exact number is uncertain) school. All his life had lacked certainty and stability and now he was also carrying the stigma of being the ‘crazy' kid, the ‘not normal' kid, the ‘something is wrong with him’ kid because he had spent six months of his life in a psychiatric hospital. Most of his new schoolmates were richer kids and they all looked like they had their life together, while he did not, not in the slightest. He felt pressured to play a role, he had to make up stories about himself and look cooler than he actually was even if in all probability, in my opinion Jeremy felt like the exact opposite. But no one wants to be your friend if you’re a loser.

So he acted up in class. He made up grandiose, sometimes blatantly false stories in order to make people like him. Some did (Lisa and Ryan, for example), but the majority was indifferent to him while others started to bully him… to the point of throwing stuff at him when the teacher wasn’t looking? Who knows. But there were surely people making fun of him, alienating him even further and making him feel even more like he wasn’t worthy of being loved. Jeremy reacted both with depression and anger to this, depression when he was feeling like he had no control over his own life, and anger when he wanted to have control over his own life, but he felt like the circumstances and the people around him wouldn't let him. He was described as a very angry child.

Then Jeremy did some stupid teenage stuff that anyone could have done - stole some money from a basketball game, kept questionable things in his locker that looked satanic while the Satanic Panic hysteria was going around, said some bad things about two teachers he didn’t like. While for a lot of people that would have been considered normal teenage behavior, Jeremy was targeted from the moment he stepped foot in the school because he came from a psychiatric hospital and was therefore judged dangerous. Therefore, the moment he made some mistakes the school went after him.

December 1990 - Jeremy was put in In School Suspension. The problem was that he was kept there for a longer time than other kids (one month, of which two weeks of school time). For context: the general time spent in ISS is a couple of days, the maximum is 10 days but only if something really really bad was done, like beating someone up or something. Certainly not for smoking (the initial reason for which he was put in ISS) or stealing some money, or having some questionable but not dangerous stuff in a locker, or making some bad comments about some teachers (the reason for which his stay in ISS was extended).

What I'm trying to say is that I believe the school would have treated the situation differently, in a lighter way, had it been another kid; but because Jeremy came from a mental hospital, he was treated like a problem child from the moment he stepped foot in his new school. ISS was like isolation and the last thing Jeremy needed was to be separated from everyone else almost as soon as he had arrived because, I believe, that’s what confirmed to him, more than anything else, that nobody really wanted him around and that no matter how much he tried, he was never going to get better, life was never going to get better, because everything had kept going steadily worse and there was no sign that it could ever get better.

And that’s when, surely after some major breakdown, Jeremy finally felt a weight off his chest. He felt consolation in the thought that he did have a choice after all, that there was something he could do to feel like he had any power over his life; there was a way to stop suffering. And that would be dying.

January 8, 1991 - Jeremy went to school and he looked really happy, he hugged people, because he felt relieved in knowing all of his pain was soon going to be over. But he had no intention of leaving without a fight, I believe. He didn’t want to leave silently, because otherwise people wouldn’t have remembered him. Otherwise, everyone would have forgotten him just like they had forgotten him while he was alive.

Why did he choose Barnett’s class? I have no idea. Several students claimed Barnett was a really great teacher, so maybe Jeremy did it because he felt ‘safe’ in her class. Other people said that the kids in the English class were the ones who bullied Jeremy, so maybe he felt like giving them a lesson. Someone else (not from that class) said those same kids never bullied Jeremy. Therefore… who knows. Who knows why he chose that particular class. Maybe there’s no real reason, maybe it was simply the first class that came to his mind.

What matters, I believe, is why he decided to do it - like I said, I believe he wanted people to notice him and to remember him forever, but he didn’t want to physically hurt anyone because, I believe, there was no malice in him. Jeremy had a golden heart, he loved people (his own way), more than he loved himself - that’s what I understood about him. I’m pointing this out because I am really sick and tired of people associating him to those school shooter monsters who instead took lives with them. Jeremy could have killed someone that day but he didn’t, I think that’s a very important distinction that needs to be made. Still, it goes without saying that even if he didn’t hurt anyone physically that day, he did psychologically. It’s not only the people who witnessed his death who will have to live with that trauma forever, it’s also his family and friends.

But if Pearl Jam didn’t write the song, only a selected number of people would have known and remembered him. I think Jeremy will forever be remembered until the song is remembered. Unfortunately, the song pushed a narrative that many people still believe to be accurate even to this day. In addition, the song made all the wrong kinds of people know about the incident and act nasty about it: some acted like vultures around Jeremy and his loved ones and inflicted even deeper traumas by calling Jeremy’s family and invading their privacy and grief, asking them very inappropriate questions or making very inappropriate and outright insane demands, like having Jeremy’s bloody sweatshirt… or so I was told. But given the things I have seen ever since I have known the True Crime Community (for which it will be very clear, at this point, that I feel a deep, burning hate), I have no doubt things like these really happened.

CONCLUSION

Image credit: Scott Snyder, Jock - from the comic book: “Wytchers - Vol 1″

I guess what I really want people to ponder upon, is that from my understanding, mistakes were surely made but all of Jeremy’s friends and family tried, at the best of their knowledge and abilities, to help him… but he was a very difficult and unstable person to deal with, there’s no doubt about that. I see people say: “I wish I had been his friend, so I could have helped him” all the time. I used to say the same things, until I wrote the trilogy No more “Later Days” and dived deep in basically all the things you have read in this article and I understood that, at some point, anyone would have easily felt frustrated at trying to help a kid who kept getting in trouble and who looked like he didn’t want to get better. And all of the people who make these comments seem not to take into consideration that you can’t spend your entire life and time helping someone, someone so difficult and stubborn, because everyone has their places to be, things to do, family and friends to see… etcetera. Jeremy needed a lot of help and attention, more than was available at the time in a place like Texas and more than his family and friends were capable of giving him. Surely, some things could have happened differently, some different choices could have been made. But you must not forget that nobody really had the intention of causing harm to Jeremy (well, except for his bullies of course) - everyone tried to do what was the best, the rest was… a very unfortunate chain of consequences.

I do wonder if, had he been born later, he could have had some more concrete chances to save himself. I like to think he could have, but it still would have been a very very very complicated situation. He would have had the internet where he could have searched for solutions and talked to people who were going through the same about his feelings, feelings that he kept bottled up. I know the internet is what saved me when I was a teenager, and I know I’m not the only one… otherwise I believe I would have ended up like Jeremy. I guess this is what keeps me going and do what I do, both on the internet and in real life. I’m a survivor, so I try to teach what I’ve learned to other people so that hopefully, I can make them into survivors as well. I do it for Jeremy and I do it for myself, I do it for all those who didn’t make it.

I couldn’t save Jeremy because I wasn’t there when it happened, but maybe, maybe I can help building a future in which stories like Jeremy’s never happen again. And you, if you’re reading - you can and should do the same. For you. For me. For Jeremy. For everyone.

If you have taken the time to read all of this - congratulations! You must be someone who is really interested in Jeremy. I hope I helped in making people ponder upon and understand what it took me four years and a trilogy to understand.

If you have read this and actually knew Jeremy, because you’re either a friend or a family member… what do you think? Have I managed to portray an accurate image of him and you? Are my sources accurate? I would love to hear your opinion and criticism, in case you have any. The same goes for anyone else who read, obviously. I’m always open to constructive feedback.

If you’d like to contact me, my email is waterfall7290 + @ + google mail domain.

Thank you for reading this far.

Always,

Waterfall

#jeremy delle #jeremy wade delle #why did jeremy delle kill himself #jeremy delle parents #jeremy wade delle sister #jeremy delle nancy #jeremy delle michelle #was jeremy wade delle bullied #jeremy pearl jam #1991 #bullied #didyouknow #psychology #jeremy delle psychology

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thatndginger · 10 months

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Happy WBW, K! I'm wondering about the world of Shapeshifter. What sort of supernatural things exist in that world and how well do they all coexist? I feel like if I try to ask additional questions in too much detail I will reveal that I don't know much about that world, but I'd like to please go ahead and ramble about any aspect you like!

Hey Moshke! Sorry this took so long for me to get to ^.^|| Life has been a lot lately.

Don’t worry at all about not knowing much about Shapeshifter world. All my actually worldbuilding stuff is scattered to hell and breakfast, so if anyone besides myself *did* actually know about it at this point, I’d be amazed. Maybe when I finally finish a draft that will change…

There are three main types of supernatural creatures in the Shapeshifter world: human-like, animal-like, and ‘other’. These are very broad categories, to be sure, but it’s kind of like taxonomic classification, you know? Start with the broadest categories, and narrow it down from there.

Human-like supernaturals are, by definition, primarily human or humanoid in appearance and behavior. Many scholars classify human-like supernaturals as “beings who were once human, but have since been altered via magic into something else”. Human-origin shapeshifters fit into this category, as well as vampires, various faeries, and some spirits. There is debate over whether witches classify as supernatural beings, but most scholars exclude witches on the grounds that they only manipulate magic and aren’t changed by exposure to it.

Animal-like supernaturals are primary animal in appearance and behavior. These supernaturals are perhaps the most varied category, since they can be anything from a spectral cat to a bird that can wield magical healing powers. Animal-origin shapeshifters such as selkies or kitsune fit into this category; as well as creatures such as the various Celtic water horses, magical birds like the Sri Lankan devil birds and Chinese shangyang, the Chilean carbuncle, and Argentenian peryton.

‘Other’ supernaturals are those who do not easily fall into human- or animal-like categories, or have yet to be ‘proven’ scientifically. Things like ghosts, gods and deities, and a variety of mythical creatures that show up in ancient stories are in this category. Anything that can be believed in but never definitively proven tends to end up in this category.

For the most part, all supernatural creatures tend to coexist well enough, though there are definitely prejudices between most of the human-like supernatural creatures. Vampires and shapeshifters tend to dislike being around each other, but will work together and live in proximity if they need to. Faeries and spirits are usually isolated to ‘wild’ places and are distrusting of most humans and human-like creatures, to the point that there are many people who don’t believe that faeries and spirits still exist - if they ever did. Animal-like supernaturals tend to be rather rare and also prefer isolation over human interaction, but they’ll interact with other supernaturals when given reason. There’s only been a few points in history where supernatural creatures were actively hostile to each other. Their hostility is usually reserved for humans.

#worldbuilding wednesday #WIP: Shapeshifter #i admit to not having played with a lot of the non-shapeshifter supernatural creatures #i love my shapeshifting babies lol

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karimac · 10 months

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...in the details, Part 12

A/N: Warning for this series: 18+ audience (minors DNI), some cinematic level violence, some fluff and angst. Doubt that smut will be involved, but it may be implied. I’ll make sure that is noted clearly if it pops up.

All relationships, at this point in the story, are platonic, but there is romance in the cards for Kari and Bucky.

Please do not repost or translate my work. Likes, comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated.

Taglist is open! Please send an ask, and I will gladly add you to the list. If I have added you and you do not wish to be on the list, please let me know, and I’ll take you off the list.

Word count: 3.5k, give or take a word. Not beta read. All mistakes are my own.

Masterlist

Weeks had seemingly passed since the “Save Kari from herself” club was formed, but in reality it was only a few days. Despite the truncated length of the encounter, Devnet Casey was regretting getting involved at all with the Avengers and their hangers-on at this point.

Dev liked them all well enough. Darcy Lewis was gas, or funny beyond words as the non-Irish might say, and Wong was as wise as Kari had made him out to be. And Bruce Banner? He was all sorts of trouble Dev likely should have avoided like the plague, but she had a weak spot for science types.

She just didn’t like spilling the tea about one of her oldest friends to some new crop of “friends in training” yet again. How many times had it been now? After nearly 1,500 years? Who would want to keep track!

“I’m mental. That has to be it, Ty,” Dev said as she sat in her leather chair and patted the head of her Irish wolfhound Tyrone, his salt and pepper fur soft to her touch. “I’ve lost the plot, and here I am, about to make this all a million times worse.”

As Dev looked up at her clock, she shook her head and realized she’d need to leave soon. She’d asked Bruce to meet her at a small restaurant in Galway to sit and chat. He was going to be in town for yet another scientific conference. Biomedical and Clinical Engineering Association of Ireland if she remembered correctly. She did not want him coming out to her home just yet. A bit of distance never hurt as far as the immortal was concerned.

“I wish I could take you, but I will bring you a treat bag, Ty,” she said as she leaned over and hugged her furry companion before grabbing her keys and heading out the door. Kari might have used a portal to get there, but Dev needed to drive to center herself a bit.

For some crazy reason, Dev had suggested the Ard Bia at Nimmo’s. It was on the Spanish Parade Long Walk, and it tended to be a place for the more loved-up of the local crowd, but the seafood was to die for, and she did not want to be in some dark hole of a place for this talk. Light to clear the omissions and misgivings away and to help the new crowd understand what was ahead.

Heaven help them all.

If this lot were truly Kari’s friends, they could withstand the tumult.

“Of course he had to beat me here,” Dev said under her breath as she parked her car and walked past a few tourists who were dotting the street. “I see you found the place well enough,” Dev said as she waved to Bruce as she got to the entrance. “I do not have the lead foot Kari does, and I was not keen on using her other favorite mode of transportation. It can spook the tourists a bit too much.”

“Ah, yeah, Sam hates her driving, and I get why the other isn’t a great choice,” Bruce chuckled as he held the door open for Dev to go inside. “And your directions were perfect. I enjoyed the walk from the hotel.”

“Reservation for two. Casey,” Dev said to the hostess, and soon she and Bruce were seated at a table inside. “I know it’s a tad cozy. The design concept is more or less eclectic farmhouse, but the food is fantastic.”

“If you can’t trust a local…” Bruce said as he looked at the menu. “Wow. Beetroot gnocchi. You don’t see that often.”

“Alright, I figured it might be good for the local businesses to have more visitors trying out the fancier spots in town. You could tell your test tube society friends about this place,” Dev giggled as Bruce gave her a bewildered look. “They can’t eat protein bars and energy drinks all day.”

“That was Tony,” Bruce replied as he set down his menu for a minute. “Wait. You told Pepper you knew Howard.”

“In the Biblical sense, ah, yes,” Dev said as she looked Bruce straight in the eye. “But we ended it long before he met Maria, and I made myself very invisible after that. She did not need an old, I mean really old, girlfriend hovering around.”

“Not judging,” Bruce said as he held up his hands in a slight protest. “I just wanted to make sure I had the details straight. Dillisk mash?”

“What? Oh, the menu,” Dev asked as Bruce pointed to a particular item. “Mashed potatoes with greens, in this case a reddish seaweed.”

“Oh, Kari makes that colcannon thing. Like that. I get it.”

“Kari does a lot of things. That’s why I invited you to have dinner. I know you and Darcy and Wong have been pouring over my books. You probably need to have some things decoded by now. Right? Her very large family tree. All the battles she fought. Some odd historical point, maybe?”

“Only one thing actually,” Bruce said as he took a look at the drink menu. “Why are you so nervous about talking about all this? That Cailleach thing scared you, but that wasn’t the only thing that made you antsy.”

“Would you want to spill all of your friend’s secrets to people you didn’t know very well? Secrets you’ve held since the 500s in some cases? The fact she killed herself with a huge sword but was resurrected because of some jiggery pokery deal her Mhamó made with a goddess? Sorry. Her grandmother. The story of how a wizard—who was played by Colin Morgan or Sam Neill in one drama or another—used a blade to cut her body and soul into tiny shards and send them out into the ether, and how she is connected to nearly ever damned part of what Wong calls the multiverse? Maybe you want to hear the tale of how she was found, babbling like a lunatic in Irish, by a now famous British spy and tossed into the story of the Star Spangled Man and his poor friend who became the assassin for the ages? Where do you want me to start, Bruce? Because no matter where I start, this will all end in heartache and tragedy. It always does. And don’t get me started on why she has no kids. That one I can’t…I just…it hurts too much…”

“Slow down,” Bruce said as he gestured with his hands again, the immortal across from him levitating slightly in her chair. “And please sit down. This was never going to get settled in a day or even a hundred days. I think we all know that.”

“Sorry. I just don’t want to see anyone hurt. Not Kari. Not Barnes. Not any of us,” Dev added as she looked at her own drinks menu and waved over the server. “Chardonnay, please. And a Barry’s tea pot for two. Two glasses of sparkling water as well. I think you are not a drinker, right?”

“I’ll try the Silk Tree and Poacher’s Tonic. It seems to be a really nice non-alcoholic G&T,” Bruce said as he shook his head at Dev. “Good memory.”

“I try,” she said as she flexed her fingers a bit. “Kari’s afraid something will happen with Barnes. They…they have had a lot of run-ins over the years. That mess in Poland. A couple of bad dances in Russia. A train tunnel in the middle of Hungary. There are times I’m sure the Goddess blocks from her memory. He damned near killed her a few times, and either she is not bringing them up, or she doesn’t remember. I don’t want to think of them, you know, and him doing something that makes her snap. Or vice versa.”

Bruce by now was playing with his silverware as the server came over to take their orders of the chef’s favorite fishes with lots of local side dishes. Dev was not sure what Bruce would make of the samphire with his order. It was a local succulent that was used in a mixture with asparagus. She’d just have to wait and see.

“Look, I do not want to know about their private moments…” Bruce said as Dev turned bright red. “Oh. Sorry. What did you mean, then?”

“OK, if I reach for something near your arm, no issues. If he does and it reminds her of when he choked her, well, that is another story. And he choked her when he tossed her out the window in Katowice. Loki told me that story one night over Asgardian ale and some dreadful Viking dish I do not want to describe right now. Loki, well, he...it wasn’t that he loved Kari like that. That’s not my understanding anyway. They were friends on some weird level no one else could fathom. But they never…you know…”

“That is one picture I do not need to dwell on,” Bruce replied as his appetizer of aubergine fritters was brought over. “I know she felt horrible when he died. She always says she let him down because no one believed that he was brainwashed by Thanos.”

“I would not have either,” Dev noted as she took her tiny seafood fork and went to work on her Killary mussels. “But back to Herself. I think she is afraid that any problems she has with Barnes will send her down the road to ruin. To become The Destroyer. To become Cailleach.”

“Wait. That’s not another person?”

“As far as we can tell, no. Kari has two living sisters-in-law. Enya Sun and Minerva O’Malley Harkness. We call her Mina. They are part of the we in all this. And we have never once feared this Cailleach nonsense. Not until now anyway. Wong made her antsy about things. And the fact she did that stupid spell didn’t help. And that succubus in New Jersey fighting The Scarlet Witch. Add to that the fact Kari’s self-esteem sometimes is just shit. Thank her mother and grandmother fighting over her for that. Losing her siblings in the ways she did, especially her twin Branan. I’m afraid, Bruce. And I can’t just blurt it all out yet. Your friends will think I’m a basket case. I’m really not.”

“Then why did you decide to tell me?” Bruce asked as he dipped his fritters in the miso aioli that they were served with. “Why not Wong? Since he is the Sorcerer Supreme, wouldn’t it make more sense?”

“You can thank Howard for this chat,” Dev said as she put down her fork and picked up her Chardonnay. “I know a lot of people thought he was crazy and reckless, but he always listened. You always listen, too. So here I am, spilling my guts about one of my best friends because I can’t carry this by myself anymore. Enya will get snarky, and Mina, well, she’s a vampire, so not too many people invite her into any of their homes for very obvious reasons. So by default it’s always been me doing the heavy lifting on this stuff. I love them all, but I can’t fix this. I can’t undo Kari’s stupid spell. I can’t rewind time so she never met that succubus. And I can’t have a million people asking me a million questions at once. So for tonight, well, I’ll answer yours, Bruce. Maybe we can get a better footing to figure out what to do next? Or at least maybe I can give you a reason to trust that I’m not barmy or a bitch.”

By now the wait staff started bringing over the main dishes, and Bruce seemed pleased with the black sole he had ordered. “Thank you,” Dev said as her plate of pan roasted cod was set in front of her. “Bruce, I hope you like it. And don’t worry. I never say no to dessert.”

“How did you end up meeting Kari anyway?” Bruce asked as he looked at the servers clearing a nearby table. “Back in Camelot, right?”

“That is a very long story. The short take is this. I was sent to Avalon to study with a group of bards. Kari’s grandmother sent her there hoping she’d marry Arthur. Frankly, Kari scared the man. She did not scare Enya’s brother Galen. We just moved in the same circles in court, and being the Irish girls, well, we sort of stuck together. Then Galen was killed in battle, and things went boots up pretty damned fast. I’m sure you read that part in one of my books.”

“Then enter Merlin and his spell, and all hell broke loose?” Bruce asked as he tried the samphire and asparagus that came with his black sole. He stopped to look at it for a moment before taking a good sized bite. “This is pretty good. But what happened in Camelot sounds like a nightmare.”

“It got to be one once we realized Kari was still connected to all those parts floating in space. She felt them, and then she started seeing what they were doing while she slept. Most of the time it’s nothing, but sometimes it’s really bad. Those parts of her all have their own lives. Some of those shards have husbands and children. And that’s what hurts so damned much. Kari has always wanted children, and she technically does have them because of all those parts of her that have kids, but it isn’t the same. It’s enough to make your head explode at times. That’s why I stayed in Galway teaching. It keeps me sane. That and my dog Tyrone.”

“I can only imagine,” Bruce said as he sipped his virgin G&T. “Do you think she’s told Bucky about any of this?”

“I’d say that’s a hard no. But he’s not stupid. He reads. A lot from what she’s told me. He’s likely to start looking up stuff. Especially if that nut Helmut Zemo is involved. He gets under people’s skin pretty easily, and I know Kari got upset when he started talking to Bucky during that Flag Smasher business. We tapped into our mental link to her briefly when they were in Madripoor. I don’t think she told any of them. To be brutally honest, she’d have left Zemo to die in Siberia if Black Panther had let her. As she’d say, that was not her call. When it comes to Barnes, Kari never thinks straight. My opinion, and I’ll die on that hill.”

“Pretty forceful words, Dev,” Bruce noted as he finished his rosti, a Swiss-style potato pancake and set down his fork. “Why does that scare you so much? From what Sam has said, Bucky doesn’t seem to think all that straight where Kari is concerned. They dance around each other a lot.”

“And that can’t be good,” Dev said as she looked over the dessert menu that one of the server’s had left on their table. “They just, they…oh shite.”

Dev turned slightly in her chair and then started to hunch down like a scared school girl. “Not now. Not here,” she mumbled as Bruce looked over at another table and saw a couple sit down. The only thing that seemed slightly unusual was the fact the man, tall and muscular and seemingly in his 30s, sported a very healthy head of pure white long hair.

“You know them?” Bruce asked as Dev squeezed her eyes shut and seemed to be praying or casting a spell.

“Dev? Devnet!” the slender woman with dark brown hair and stunning green eyes shouted as she got up and hurried over. “Is this your new gentleman friend? How delicious!”

“Aerfen, no,” Dev said as she rolled her eyes. “Dr. Bruce Banner, may I introduce Aerfen and Ardan Dalcais. Kari’s twin cousins. I never thought I’d see them here tonight. I swear. They usually stay in Dublin where they live.”

“Oh, what has cousin done now? Or should I saw who has she done now?” Aerfen giggled as Ardan walked over. “So, Dr. Banner? Ah yes. Devnet has always enjoyed having her…”

“Don’t you dare!” Dev snapped. “I don’t accuse you of seducing every person you see, Aerfen.”

“Moi? I am not accusing you of anything. Just a bit of camaraderie and you go girl spirit! I wish I were in your shoes,” Aerfen said as she batted her eyes at Bruce.

“Pay no attention to my sister,” Ardan said as he stood and looked at the Avenger. “Devnet, if you need us, we’ll be over here. Not bothering anyone,” he said as he guided his sister back to their table.

“It could have been worse, I suppose,” Dev said as the twins walked away. “It could have been Conri and Saorla O’Cathain. Kari’s cousins on her father’s side. Aerfen and Ardan are on her mother’s side. They mean well, but…no. Back to the topic at hand. Barnes and Kari. Dancing.”

Bruce looked a bit confused after the cousins went back to their table. “Kari never mentioned…”

“Any of her family? I’m not shocked. When her siblings died, she shut down. She never gives straight dates on when they passed. She never talks about surviving family. She rarely tells anyone about me, Enya or Mina. I think she’s afraid we’ll all be in line for some sort of trouble. Those stupid accords. People coming after her. As I said, it can make your head explode. Now, how about dessert?”

Dev finally looked at the menu and decided on the strawberry parfait, and Bruce opted for the chocolate and hazelnut cake.

“She’s staring again, isn’t she?” Dev whispered as she leaned closer to Bruce. “And I just gave her more ammunition. I am an eejit. Don’t worry. I am not…I have read your story…Natasha…and I am so sorry about your loss…I just need a friend.”

Bruce was processing everything Dev was saying when several of the patrons got to their feet and looked out the window onto the street in front of the restaurant. There were purple lights dancing in the air, and suddenly they vanished. Dev looked at Aerfen, but the woman simply shrugged and went back to drinking her own glass of wine. “And just like that, another evening in tatters. Níl ann ach figiúirí. Sorry. It just figures,” Dev said as she looked at her dessert and finally remembered her promise to Tyrone. “Waiter, could I please get a Morgan’s ribeye to take home? Thank you.”

“Midnight noshing later?” Bruce asked as Dev laughed. “No, I promised Tyrone a treat bag. Maybe I should call Wong? That seemed a bit too supernatural for my liking, and if the Trouble Twins did not cause it, and I know I didn’t do it, then who did? I know you don’t know, and you have that talk tomorrow. I’ll find out on my own for now, but I’ll keep you posted.”

When the bill came over, Dev slapped Bruce’s hand after he started to put down a credit card. “I asked you here. My treat,” she said before she turned to hand the server her card. The purple lights came flashing back, and this time the patrons started to shout as something appeared in the lights. “Bruce, maybe you want to get out of here before…too late.”

Ardan was running out of the restaurant, sword in hand, scaring whatever people were still outside as he tried to see what was coming through the lights. “Oh joy! He thinks he’s the Witcher or something,” Dev grumbled as she got up and ran outside just to watch the lights fade again. “Well, did you see anything?”

Ardan walked over to his fellow immortal and Banner and shook his head. “The Rift might be pushing the boundaries again. I’m not sure. Where is Herself?”

“Herself, if she finds out about any of this, will kill me,” Dev replied as she looked to see Aerfen had followed behind Bruce. “And now I think I have to tell you two as well. Bruce, I can take it from here. I’ll ring you tomorrow after your talk. Night.”

“Night,” Bruce said as he walked back to his accommodations. The Eyre Square Hotel was not that far off, and Dev was glad for that in case she needed his help later.

“Now, Trouble Twins,” she started to say as Aerfen poked her in the side with her elbow. “Ow. What?”

“You like him. I can tell,” Aerfen said as Dev groaned in reply. “Fine, but you are no fun! What is wrong with Kari this time?”

“Remember back when Merlin was stupid? Kari upped that with a dodgy spell, and I have a funny feeling those purple lights mean we are all in the shite because of it.”

Dev turned back to make sure Bruce was actually on his way back down the Spanish Parade Long Walk. “May this be nothing I can’t handle on my own,” she said quietly as Ardan gave her a funny look. “Trust me. The Avengers are not ready for The Rift or any of the nonsense your family brings with it at times. You are all like family to me, but gods, they can’t deal with the lot of us on a good day.”

Tag list: @arrthurpendragon, @historygeekfics, @starryeyes2000, @chickensarentcheap

#ocappreciation #fyeahsuperverseocs #bruce banner #hulk #mcu ocs #oc: devnet casey #devnet casey played by renee o'connor #the avengers #mcu multiverse #mcu fanfiction writers #mcu fanfiction #thanks for reading!#oc: aerfen dalcais #aerfen dalcais played by katie mcgrath #oc: ardan dalcais #ardan dalcais played by henry cavill #oc creators unite!

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chiiroptereh · 2 years

Text

Chiroptera Visual Database

Hi there! A couple years back I compiled a massive folder of all the bat species in the world* in photographs for quick visual reference. I feel I should share it in hopes that it can help someone like it has me and save them a lot of time looking up ambiguous search terms such as "bat species" or trying to find photographs of obscure ones.

CLICK HERE!

This database contains:

Sub-folders labelled after families (vesper bats, megabats, etc.) for easier sorting

A-Z sorted photographs of all the documented species in the world*

A little text document telling of the best places to find more photographs and/or info about the species

Photographs include professional-grade shots, scientific illustrations, fieldwork photographs, headshots, wingspans, skeletons, skulls, foot details, and comparison shots between species

All files are downloadable, including the folder itself which you can get as a .zip

Some of these photographs are very obscure and needed to be dug out of the farthest corners of the ‘net. This was a passion project of mine in order to give myself an easy-to-access art resource to better understand these animals and their incredible diversity. I hope you can find some use of this, as well!

Enjoy, bat nerds! If there's anything wrong, please don't hesitate to contact me. I've worked like crazy to put this together and I want only the best for it!

Quick disclaimer:

Nothing here belongs to me, all of these images were found using Google Images and this is meant to be nothing more than a database/directory for anatomical reference. If you plan on reusing them, please reverse image search the original image and ask for permission from the rightful owner(s) as necessary. Photography is an art just like anything else, and it ain't cool to steal! Thank you. <3

*Some species have only been documented in writing and therefore do not have readily-available photographs of them on the internet. This database was compiled by going through the list of documented species and finding photographs of them when I could; there are even more species than those listed in this folder!

#not enly's art #bat #bats #chiroptera #art reference #reference

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jupyterdream · 1 year

Text

Chapter 14: Convection, Radiation, and Luminosity

I am so so so so so sorry for a sudden hiatus!!

I don't want to go into detail, but my life has been pretty rough this past couple of weeks!

Hopefully I'll be able to update more now!!

Taglist: @kazumaple

Warnings: Reader is psychopathic, reader is manipulative, ooc, enemies to lover, friends to lovers, slow burn, a lot of scientific jargon, reader is female, female pronouns, reader has a nickname, reader is bad person, yandere reader, do not interact if any of the above makes you uncomfortable.

Pairings: Tomo x Reader

If you wish to be added/removed from the taglist, please let me know.

I just couldn’t put down those letters.

Biology, psychology, biomedicine… I wondered if these disciplines would turn me into my father, and the thought made my spine shiver. I knew that there’s nothing wrong with these fields of study, but familiarity can sometimes be a frightening thing. I sat in front of the screen for hours on end, staring at the university’s major selection webpage. But no matter how much I tried, no matter how much I tried to give up my own free will, my brain refused all majors that could help me get into med school.

But, if my father found out I went into a major that had nothing to do with medicine, he would definitely reverse that decision and force me down the path he sees fit.

That’s why, I decided to go into university undeclared. I convinced my father that I wanted to be careful when choosing a major, that I wanted to find out more about each field so that I can increase my chances of getting into med school. Somehow, he believed me. Or, maybe not fully. I think he assumed I’ll listen to what he tells me eventually, just like I always have.

But the next large challenge was class selection. All first years were required to take a hard science class with a lab. Even then, I couldn’t force myself to choose biology. Scrolling through the list of classes, I kept searching for something… Anything that I would be happy to take. Something not quite medicine related, but close enough as to convince my father…

And then, I finally found it: Introductory physics.

I’ve never taken a physics class before, but fields like biophysics do exist. And yet, in my mind at least, physics was far away enough from medicine that it didn’t trigger my prejudice.

And so, I submitted my class request.

And that was how my life turned upside down.

*****

“Xiao~!! Xiao~!!!”

I ran around Liyue harbor for a couple of hours, but in the end I couldn’t find Xiao. Maybe I should have just asked him if he lives at the Wangshu inn or something. If that was the case, I’d feel like a stupid idiot for wasting so much time looking for someone who isn’t even here.

But I haven’t given up yet, and that’s why, I’m screaming my head off in the middle of this city! People are staring at me funny, but you know what? Who cares?!

“Xiao~~!?!?!?!?! Xiaoxiaoxiaoxiaoxiao!!!!”

It seems that god or archons or the flying spaghetti monster haven’t given up on me yet! Because that was when I heard the familiar voice.

“You’re being too loud.”

I turned around to see Xiao standing behind me, crossing his arms with an annoyed look on his face.

“Xiao! There you are! I’ve been looking all morning for you!”

I tried to grab his hand but he pulled away before I could. I thought about pouting just to annoy him, but I figured that might be too mean.

“Yes, I know you’ve been calling for me for a while now.”

“Huh?! You did? And you didn’t come? Xiao, that’s no way to treat a friend.”

“We’re not friends.”

“Well, I consider you a friend, so we’re friends now.”

It seems that Xiao is a bit of a tsundere just like Weak. Even after denying our friendship, I can see that he’s not fully rejecting me. Gotta make sure I don’t push him too much so that I can keep his friendship!! Or gain it I guess? Whatever.

“...So why exactly were you calling for me?”

“Oh, right! Xiao! Would you mind walking around the harbor with me?!”

The way he widened his eyes at that request was kind of hilarious. I wonder if he doesn’t have any friends besides me. Or, could it be that he hates the idea of walking around with me that much?

“...Why?”

“I’m not used to this place, so it’d be really nice if there was someone who’s familiar with Liyue to chaperone me so that I don’t do anything stupid!”

Xiao’s eyes twitched, but from his expression, I could tell that he was more inclined to follow me around now. Oh… Ooooh! I see! He’s worried about me isn’t he? Or, could it be that he’s just worried I’ll do something to the people of this harbor? Really, all I can do is make electric and magnetic fields so strong that it kills people!

…Oh god, I could kill people…

“Fine.” Xiao gave me a deep sigh and I couldn’t help but to pump my fist in excitement.

“Yaaaay! Xiao, you’re the best! And don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten our promise of the ultimate almond tofu!!”

“....Ultimate almond tofu.”

I decided not to comment on the childish excitement that momentarily peeked through his eyes.

*******

You shuffled in your seat nervously as you glanced over towards Tomo sitting next to you. After agreeing to meet the ‘traveler,’ Xingqiu invited you two to a fancy restaurant saying that he’ll arrive with the man very shortly.

Usually, Tomo notices when you’re feeling uncomfortable. Slight shuffling, change of breathing, wandering eyes… Tomo tends to catch everything no matter how much you try to be subtle about it. But right now? Tomo isn’t even looking at you, his eyes are directed down at the table. His usual cheerfulness and unwavering strength couldn’t be seen, instead, it seemed that he was filled with hope and worry, with a little bit of fear mixed in there as well.

You couldn’t stand the deafening silence, “T-Tomo?”

You couldn’t get his attention the first time, so you started shaking his arm while calling his name again. After being shaken a couple of times, he finally moved his gaze towards you.

“What?” You jolted. You knew that the coldness of his voice was the result of his nervousness, but nonetheless, it was the first time Tomo snapped at you. And Tomo himself seemed to have realized this too, with a surprised expression, he faced his body towards you. “Oh, no. S-Sorry, I guess I’m kind of on the edge right now, did I scare you?”

“N-No…” You looked away. To think there would come a day where you couldn’t commit to a lie this much. Glancing back at Tomo again, you noticed his surprised expression changed to that of guilt and regret.

“I’m really sorry.” He placed his hand on your head, as if to comfort a child.

You tried to say it was fine, but different words spilled out of your mouth instead, “Tomo, why are you so on edge?”

“What?”

“You look so worried, and yet you look so hopeful at the same time.” You’ve seen similar expressions in the students at your university before, and you just couldn’t figure out why they could look that way. How could someone be hopeful, yet so worried?

Tomo smiled sheepishly, was it out of guilt? Or embarrassment? You really couldn’t tell, “I’m… I’m thinking about what kind of a person this traveler could be.” He looked at you as if he was waiting for you to comment, but seeing that you weren’t going to speak until he explained himself, he let out a deep sigh and continued, “I… I wanted nothing more than to be the hero who accomplished the impossible. The one who took the musou no hitotachi from the shogun, and lived to tell the tale. The one who saved Inazuma from the vision hunt decree. …But, I wasn’ strong enough back then. I’m not even strong enough now.” You saw him clench his fist, “But now, there’s someone who accomplished what I longed for with all my life. What if… He’s someone I can’t respect? Someone I wish to deny with my entire being? What would happen? Even if I can respect the guy, can I really accept his fate… My fate, without denying my wish?”

Tomo tries to act relaxed around you, but he’s still human. So many emotions swirl inside him, and of course some of them won’t be as favorable as others. It’s human nature to reject those negative emotions, especially if you are a samurai who follows a specific honor code. Jealousy and hatred… these go against every honor code a human is given, and perhaps even that of a warrior. This dissonance, discord, and confusion… How much did it hurt Tomo? How many people did it hurt?

You stared into Tomo’s eyes, it was filled with so many things that you couldn’t look away.

I see. You were a human all along.

Tomo stared back at you for a couple seconds, before looking away with a smile on his face, “Ha-Haha! Sorry! I said something weird didn’t I? Anyway, they said we should wait here, but do you think we’re allowed to order something–”

You placed your hands on his, and he froze. He slowly lifted his gaze to meet yours once again.

And he saw the best smile you have ever given him.

“Don’t worry.” You whispered, “Even if what you feel towards this man is rejection… Even if what you feel is affection… Even if it’s jealousy, it would never lower your value as a person.”

Even that mysterious north star who dragged you out of the dark shows a hint of darkness himself from time to time. But he shines so brightly with a smile on his face. And that is why you love the place he has given you. And that is why…

“Every star worries that they’ll be outshined, but their luminosity depends on the ability to fight against their own turmoil, not from the luminosity of other stars.”

That is why I find them… and you… so beautiful.

“So, don’t think you have to feel a certain way at any point in your life, okay?”

After a couple moments of silence however, the logical side of your brain realized how embarrassing the thing you said was, and you felt your face turn bright red.

“O-Or that’s what Strong always said! Uhm, no, maybe it wasn’t… B-But…”

You felt arms wrapping your body and your vision went dark. Sudden warmth, soft chuckling above your head… It took a while for you to process the fact that Tomo was hugging you.

“I don’t really get what you mean…” Tomo laughed, “But you’re trying to cheer me up, right? Thank you.”

You curled up a little in embarrassment, but also because you could tell that he wasn’t fully convinced with what you said. You were never good at cheering people up, to think that’ll come to hit you in the back of your head at a time like this…

At that moment, you heard the door open behind you two and you pushed Tomo away out of panic. Why do people have to come in at your most embarrassing moments? You and Tomo turned your heads towards the entrance, to find Xingqiu with a man and a… Strange white fairy.

“It’s been a while since Paimon ate at the Liuli pavilion! Xingqiu, we can eat as much as we want, right?”

“Paimon, don’t eat too much, okay? We’re here to meet people.”

There he is.

You and Tomo both faced the blond haired man entering the restaurant. For a moment, you thought he shot you a sour look, but it immediately turned back into a soft smile.

“Hey, I’m Aether. This is my partner, Paimon. Xingqiu said you two wanted to meet me?”

#the villain named gravity #genshin tomo x reader #genshin x reader

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queenclaudiabrown · 2 years

Text

Ocean Eyes: XIII: The Lonely Sea

Chapter content warnings: Angst, reference to previous events (especially Emily’s past and Chapters 8, 10-12), medical difficulties, infertility, mentions of death, cousin bonding, funeral, mentions of injuries already received and blisters, I don’t know if I can label it as PTSD but I think that’s the right term for it, depression, implied/thoughts of self-harm, brief discussion of female reproductive anatomy, probably more cussing

Word count: 10,549 (114 more than Atlantis)

Spanish (Translation)

Emily was on the edge of collapsing from exhaustion as Becker finally drove back the shuttle truck onto Inn property. She sat in the passenger seat, and between her and Becker on the foldaway middle part of the bench seat was Connor so Becker could easily see him. Sarah, Claudia, and Jenny occupied the backseat, the twins holding hands and leaning on each other and the Egyptologist gazing absentmindedly out the window. Patrick was refusing to leave Charlotte’s side in the hospital, and Danny had stayed to support him. He and Emily had flipped a coin for who stayed, and it landing in Danny’s favor had been accepted since Danny would soon need to return to the seaside to recover his strength fully. Emily would take over for him at that point, but her cousins were insistent that she get home, sleep, and shower first.

“Claudia.” Becker’s voice came cautiously. “There’s lights on inside. I shut them all off before we left.”

Claudia mumbled French swears under her breath and picked up her pistol, passing Jenny’s rifle over to her. “Alright, whose arse do I have to kick now?”

The others got out of the van, all armed save Connor, who they guided into the middle, in case of any sneak attacks from behind. Claudia opened the door quietly with one hand, pistol in the other, and with clenched teeth charged inside.

Noise from the kitchen gave Connor and Jenny an uncomfortable sense of déjà vu. Claudia was unaware of it, having not been with them at the time. She had forgotten about the hallway being a mess since it had mysteriously been cleaned up and she didn’t know where everything had gone down. With her gun at the ready, she pushed through the space that her sister and cousin found confining and claustrophobic and stepped into the kitchen doorway, gun flying up. But the sight she was greeted with shocked her.

“Kat?”

The woman in question nudged her glasses back up her nose. “Hi Claudia.” She nodded at the gun in her hand. “I’m not that evil sociopath, so can you put that down?”

Claudia lowered it. “What are you doing here, Kat?”

“I came here as soon as I could. You didn’t want me in London, so I thought I’d come straight here.” She took off her plaid shirt and put it aside. “I talked to Rachel. She’s flying over and should be here by tomorrow morning. We’re gonna cook and clean and take care of the Inn for you.” Her eyes swept over the group. “I think you’re missing a few. Is everybody alright?”

Claudia sighed. “Charlotte got badly hurt and she’s at the hospital. Patrick and Danny are there with her. Nick, Abby, and Stephen went into the Thames to go back to Atlantis and heal.”

Kat winced. “That’s horrible. But other than that, everyone’s alright?” Claudia nodded. “Good. And…Helen and her band of psychotic minions?”

Claudia snorted. “Rachel’s rubbing off on you. Um…I took your advice, to a point.”

The midlander’s eyes went big. “You set her on fire?!”

Claudia winced. “…Yes and no. She was already mostly dead, I just set her and her cronies’ bodies on fire to make sure they were entirely dead. And they might’ve had scientific notes or something with them, so I wanted those gone too. Fire seemed like a good idea.”

Kat nodded with a proud and pleased look on her face. “Awesome. As much as I’d like to ask for more details, I’m under strict orders. Rachel will be here by tomorrow morning, unless she gets held up, so I’m acting on her behalf until then.” She shrugged out of her plaid shirt and put it aside. “We’re gonna cook and clean and take care of the inn while you guys do whatever you need to do. I’m gonna tell her that you’re back safe.”

They protested, but Kat ignored them and texted Rachel, who quickly called with FaceTime. Kat set up the phone and the group huddled around, Claudia in the front.

A tired-looking brunette appeared on the phone screen. “Hey.” She greeted, wiggling her fingers to serve as a wave. “I couldn’t get a straight shot over so I had to do connecting flights. My plane leaves in 20 minutes.”

“You didn’t need to come all the way over here just for us.” Claudia objected despite knowing full well that it would have no effect.

“Claudia, you and Kat are my best friends. Work was slow anyway. Now, you and your family have adopted three merpeople and there were psychopaths running around causing problems for y’all. Of course I’m coming over. If those freaks aren’t dead or in prison, I’m gonna go ape$h¡t. If they are dead or in prison, I won’t have to, and I’ll help Kat cook and clean and manage the Inn until everything gets sorted out. Capiche?”

Claudia smiled wanly. “Capiche.”

“Good. Now, how’re you holding up, sweetheart?”

“I’m fine.” She replied. “You look tired.”

Rachel laughed. “I know. I didn’t sleep much and I didn’t put any makeup on. I will before I land in London. You don’t need rumors of zombies circulating around the inn. Look, you need sleep. All of you. Go upstairs, shower, put on some fresh clothes, and Kat will cook you a halfway decent dinner and clean up a bit. Then you’re gonna eat and go to bed and sleep for as long as you can, and then you’re gonna eat a decent breakfast and then we will go from there. I should be there by then, and Kat won’t let you out of that building until then. Balcony doesn’t count; fresh air is fine.”

Claudia mock-saluted. “Yes ma’am.”

“DΔɱɳ straight.”

Claudia reflected on her friends as she stood obediently under the too-hot spray of her showerhead, letting scalding water sluice over her and wash away the sweat and dust and dirt and grime of the day. She had scrubbed all her makeup off, which had been ruined before she’d even set foot in that house of horrors, before getting in, and had spent a good half hour detangling the knots from her hair- which had gotten snarled and nearly matted despite having been ponytailed (to be fair, it had come out at one point). She was fairly certain her clothes would need to be burned. They were filthy and torn and she wasn’t sure she could ever wear them again and not think of the day.

She picked up her loofah from the shower shelf and poured an (exorbitant) amount of exfoliating scrub that may or may not have belonged to Jenny onto it. Generously (harshly and excessively), she scoured over her limbs, her back, her chest, her stomach, her neck, her hands, her feet.

Maybe if she abrased enough off she’d feel like herself again, like the simple Inn-owning and merman-loving (she’d finally admitted it to herself) cook she was this morning instead of the killer she had become this afternoon.

Jenny sat on her toilet ‘crisscross-applesauce’ placing band-aids over the blisters on her feet. She’d changed from her more comfortable heels to her classier red stilettos last minute, a decision she regretted now. Although they had been handy in the fight against Caroline…. At any rate, she was making the proactive choice to wear solely fuzzy socks and slippers until the blisters were gone.

But all the pink fuzzy socks and koala slippers wouldn’t bring back her innocence.

Becker didn’t want to let Connor out of his sight, but they were both foul with the stench of the day, so showers were a must. Becker stepped into the bathroom and stopped short at the sight of Caroline’s makeup and toiletries and strands of hair littering the bathroom.

Caroline, the woman who had played his brother. Caroline, the woman who hours ago he had thought was a minor problem but even fewer hours ago he had helped his cousin kill. In the moment that it happened, and even the ones leading up to it, he had felt no guilt or shame or regret about it- no one hurt his little brother, no one- but now his feelings were mixed. He had wanted to be a soldier once, yes, but not to kill people, to protect and serve his country, to bring down those who meant innocents harm. In a way, Caroline and his part in her death fit that motive, but he couldn’t deny it had also been a quest for personal vengeance. Did that, and the fact that whenever he thought about what she did he was filled with a burning hatred toward her, make him a bad person?

Running a hand down his face, he started grabbing any and all traces of her and dumping them in the rubbish bin where they (and she, in his opinion) belonged. He couldn’t let Connor see them. Backstabber or not, she had still been his girlfriend, and he wasn’t so horrid as to let the reminder of what she had done and how she had died slap his brother in the face thanks to his own carelessness.

Connor hadn’t seen Caroline go down, but the image of her designer-dressed body sprawled out on the dirty floor, open eyes blank and unseeing with a darkly-oozing hole between them, was imprinted in his brain. He didn’t know who had fired the shot; his view had been blocked by Nick’s tank and Claudia’s body and the small windows through which he could see had revealed to him only a blur of movement. He hadn’t loved her, and her betrayal had cut deep like a knife, but despite how he’d spoken of her to Becker he didn’t think he hated her either.

He didn’t want to think about her anymore.

In her bedroom, Emily threw her hair-pick down on her vanity table in frustration. She’d deal with the mangled curls in the morning- before she again made the exhausting trip up to London to see how Charlotte was doing. She’d clung to Charlotte’s side until the doctors had told her and Patrick that they simply could not remain with her any longer, then to Patrick’s until the rest of her family and friends had arrived and taken her home. Danny and Patrick had reluctantly decided that the elder Quinn would remain in the hospital instead of Emily- they were only allowing two visitors for some unknown reason- because the brothers needed to be together. After their traumatic experiences, being close to each other superseded Emily’s friendship with Charlotte- which she disliked but respected. And right now she couldn’t focus on detangling her hair or doing her nightly routines or anything but worry about how her best friend was doing. She had a probable concussion, a head wound, a deep bullet graze to the leg, and a penetrative gunshot wound to the stomach with no exit wound. Her only consolation was that they had gotten her to the hospital quickly- Patrick’s hand compressing an absurd amount of fabric to his fiancée’s stomach on the floor of the shuttle van as Emily careened through the packed London streets and broke probably twenty or thirty laws in the process- and that she had immediately been taken in by the doctors for emergency surgery.

She would go up to the hospital in the morning. Right now, she needed to shut her eyes and try not to see her best friend unconscious and bleeding to death- or the three men she had killed for her.

Tying off her damp black hair into a practical braid, Sarah moved to her dresser and closet and pulled out an outfit and a bathing suit. Wherever she had to go- to the hospital to see Charlotte or underwater to see Stephen- she wouldn’t have to hunt around the next morning or in the middle of the night to find clothes.

She lay down in her bed and shut her eyes, trying to get the image of Stephen on that gurney, suffering and half-dead already, out of her head. She knew that whether Stephen lived or died she’d regret not going in with him. Maybe they would have caught her quickly and killed her, or worse, but she’d never know now, and therefore it didn’t matter. But she couldn’t silence that irritating voice in her head that told her that maybe Stephen wouldn’t have suffered so if she’d gone in with him.

Emily couldn’t sleep, so after a few hours of tossing and turning she got up and went for a walk around the property. The garden creeped her out at night, so her feet carried her to the orchard that Charlotte loved- the same one Patrick had proposed to her in. She and Charlotte had shared many a pleasant stroll arm-in-arm through the sun-dappled patch of land, among the trees that bore apples and plums and pears and crabapples and cherries, under the weeping willows and maples and oaks and hickories and magnolias. It made her heart ache for her best friend, and she prayed desperately for her survival. Emily felt cold and exposed without the comforting warmth and presence of her best friend beside her on the foot-worn path.

Leaving the orchard, Emily intended to simply walk the long length of the beach and coastline before looping back to the inn (and her bed), but the sound of a muffled sob from the clifftop had her stopping short. Frowning, she walked closer and cleared her throat loudly enough to be heard. The almost inaudible sniffling ceased immediately, and a moment later either Claudia or Jenny’s voice called out “Yes?”

“It’s me, Emily.” She replied softly. “Can I come over?”

A beat. “Yeah.”

Emily walked over to the tree closest to the cliff’s edge, pained to see Jenny Lewis sitting at its base in a silk nightgown, furry pink slippers discarded nearby, band-aid-ed feet in the grass. “Oh Jenny. What’s wrong?”

Jenny sniffed noisily, telltale that she’d been crying for a while. “It’s stupid, honestly.”

Her cousin sank down on the ground beside her, placing a hand on Jenny’s shoulder comfortingly. “I’m sure it’s not. If it’s making you cry, it’s important. Tell me.”

Jenny wiped her face with the back of her hand. “I killed Caroline and Leek.” She finally said. “And another man- I don’t know what his name was. And I think I might’ve killed someone else, but we were all shooting and there was a couple of them, so I don’t know if it was me or not.”

Immediately Emily’s mind went back to the three men she had definitely killed, and a wave of sympathy for her cousin coursed through her. She pulled Jenny closer, resting her cheek on her head. “And how’s that stupid?” She pressed gently.

“I shouldn’t be crying over them. I know what they were part of, what they helped with, who they worked for. When we found Abby and Nick, there were a half-dozen or so men manhandling her. I don’t wanna think about what they might’ve tried to do to her if we hadn’t gotten there in time. Leek and Helen were monsters and Caroline knew they were and went along with it anyway and she scr3wed with Connor. I hate them all.” She swallowed, and when she spoke again the venom was gone from her voice. “I don’t know if I killed any of the men who had Abby, but I know I killed a man outside where they were keeping Danny, and I know I killed Caroline and Leek. I looked both of them right in the eye and put a bullet in their heads and I didn’t feel an ounce of remorse. I’m crying because I feel guilty for killing them even when they were such horrible people, and it’s stupid that I feel guilty but…wouldn’t that mean there was something wrong with me if I didn’t? That I was a sociopath? Or is there something wrong with me and that’s why I feel guilty?”

Emily wrapped both arms around Jenny tightly, letting her cousin cry on her shoulder and shake and shudder in her embrace while she silently shed a few tears of her own for her cousin and friend’s suffering.

“There’s nothing wrong with you.” She soothed, stroking Jenny’s hair. “The rational part of you- and the vengeful part too- knows that they were horrible people, and that killing them was the right thing to do. But the human part of you feels remorse, and you know what? It means that you’re a moral, good, decent person. Because if you weren’t, if you were a sociopath, you wouldn’t feel torn up about it at all. Okay?”

Jenny sniffled again and nodded.

“I killed three people too.” Emily admitted. “You were there for two of them- saw one, actually. The third one shot Charlotte. I don’t regret any of them, but…I know how you’re feeling. I never wanted to hurt anyone. Even with Henry. I was angry, sometimes, angry enough to want to hurt someone…but if I’d acted on it, I would’ve just as soon thrown a book at him as put his razor on my wrists. I never did, though.”

She gave a weary sigh. “Yesterday morning, we were all different people. We wanted to protect ourselves from others, not our own actions. None of us had ever been kidnapped, and almost none of us had ever used a gun. But then…thanks to the madness and inhumanity of just a few people, we had to change. We had to become different people to get out alive. I killed people. So did you, and Becker, and Danny, and Claudia. Claudia set someone on fire. You helped rescue three merpeople, and you’re dating a half-merman. Nothing in our lives is normal, and maybe that’s okay.”

Jenny gave Emily’s hand a squeeze. “Look at you, certified therapist.”

Emily snorted. “Come on- let’s go inside, and I’ll make us both a toddy. I think there’s some ice creams in the freezer too. Put your slippers on.” Jenny obeyed, slipping back into them and standing. Emily put one arm around her cousin’s shoulder and Jenny slid one of her own around Emily’s waist.

Hot alcoholic drinks and pistachio ice cream (caramel, in Emily’s case) weren’t going to solve anything, and it was the unspoken truth between them that they both knew it. But it was the best Emily could come up with at the moment, and maybe the toddies would help them sleep.

Together, the cousins walked home.

The next morning, shortly after breakfast, a London cab pulled up to the Inn, and its passenger got out and collected her luggage, paying the cabbie a handsome fee and thanking him gratefully.

An exhausted-looking brunette came inside, precariously toting three orange suitcases and a gingham tote bag purse. “Estoy aquí.” She called. (I’m here.)

Kat and Claudia met her in the hallway and Rachel dropped her luggage, wrapping her arms around Kat first. “Hey amada.” (Beloved). She let go of her and pulled Claudia into an embrace. “How you doing, honey?”

“I’m doing.” Claudia replied with a sigh.

The American breathed a laugh into her auburn hair. “That’s a me response.” She let go and waved to the others. “Hi. Alright, you guys eaten breakfast yet?”

“Yeah, we finished a few minutes ago.” Kat confirmed.

Rachel nodded approvingly. “Good. Alright, here’s what we’re gonna do.”

Becker groaned. “Not even in the army and I’m taking orders anyway.”

Emily hadn’t slept a wink of restful slumber the night before, but she had showered and gagged down a dinner and breakfast (which were both perfectly fine, she just had no appetite) as per Claudia’s friends’ stern orders. She’d dressed in leggings and a long, loose blouse, finished with comfortable shoes and a hair tie.

She drove herself up to the hospital in London in the shuttle truck and hated that she knew her way around the building well from her stay many years ago. She’d been admitted not long after Henry’s arrest, and her time there had been extended by her ligation surgery.

Her feet carried her down the path to the surgical waiting room, where upon opening the door she found the more-pleasantly-familiar form of Patrick Quinn, sitting hunched on a couch. At the sound of the door opening he turned his head, revealing dark bags under weary and bloodshot eyes. He perked up almost imperceptibly when he saw her. “Hey, Em.”

“Hey.” She returned softly. Her eyes flicked around the room. “Where’s Danny?”

“Getting lunch from Chicken Castle…or something. I forget.”

She nodded, shutting the door with a click. “How did her surgery go?”

Patrick shook his head. “Not great. It was seven hours. They, uh, they lost her on the table twice. She’d lost a lot of blood and the bullet went through multiple organs. The wound on her leg missed the fu- the famor- uh, the leg artery, I can’t remember what it’s called- but it did nick some ligament or tendon or something connected to her Achilles, so she’ll probably have a little bit of a limp.”

Emily closed her eyes and swore softly. “That’s awful. Is she awake? Can we see her?”

He shook his head again. “Not yet. She’s in a coma and in intensive care- they’re not even letting me see her. They’re gonna do another surgery, do a more thorough and long-term repair on what got damaged. With what happened last time they focused more on keeping her alive and not fixing anything that didn’t need to be fixed to do that. It’s scheduled for the end of the week.”

She sank down next to him, putting an arm around his shoulders as comfortingly as she could while she tried to sort out her mind. Her best friend, who she’d known since they were both just thirteen years old, had died twice in the last sixteen hours and she hadn’t been there. And yet still she wasn’t out of the woods.

Charlotte could still die.

Emily didn’t know if she or Patrick would survive that.

Claudia had been banished from her own Inn by Rachel and Kat, and had busied her restless self by collecting the blank bullet casings scattered across the sand and fine gravel and dirt where the attack had taken place. Kat had already taken care of everything that Claudia, Sarah, Emily, and Becker hadn’t dealt with before leaving the previous day, but dozens if not more bronze-colored cylinders still lay scattered on the ground, a metallic reminder of what had happened.

Splashing had her head snapping up and her eyes seeking the source of the noise. It was Prince Ryan, peering at her from where he bobbed in the water beside the end of one of the docks. She shoved her handful of casings into her coat pocket and strode down the dock, crouching to be closer to the prince’s level. “Claudia, if I’m not mistaken.” He said.

“Yes, that’s me. What can I do for you, Prince Ryan?”

“I came to keep you informed on Nick’s behalf.” He replied. “The Atlantean army has ensured that all parts of the facility in which our people were imprisoned is at the bottom of the ocean. The bodies of their captors and anyone helping them have been covered with rocks so that they will not float to the surface and arouse suspicion. Among the wreckage we discovered the body of one of our own, and unfortunately we believe it to be Daniel Quinn’s father.”

“That’s why you couldn’t figure out who he was.” Claudia realized. “He was dead.”

Ryan nodded. “I’m afraid so. It’s a great tragedy and a travesty what that small group of humans has done to Atlantis, and what they planned. But it is a credit to humanity that so many could come to cherish our kind as more than just wonders or freaks of nature, and that you could come to put your lives at risk for ours. We are sincerely grateful for all that you did for us.”

Claudia nodded. “I’m sorry we couldn’t- didn’t- do more to protect them. If I could change the past….”

“You did nothing wrong.” Ryan assured her gently, breaking his typical stoic demeanor. “We are aware of Charlotte Cameron’s condition, and we wish her well. Unfortunate there is nothing we can do to assist her healing.”

“On that note, how are Nick and Abby and Stephen- and King Lester- recovering?”

“My father is recovering well. The trip to aid you with the Trident of Poseidon set him behind some, but he will be fine. Nick and Abigail are completely recovered, but Stephen is not doing so well, so they refuse to leave his side. He was severely injured by Helen Ambrose, and it will take him time to heal. Unfortunately, it is possible he has lost the will to live.”

Claudia was relieved that Nick and Abby were fine- Nick especially- but the thought of Stephen having endured all that he had only to die hurt. “Wait here for a minute, please. I’ll be back in a moment.”

She ran back to the house, startling the group in the living room. “Sarah.” The Egyptologist in question lifted her head. “Stephen isn’t doing well, and they’re worried he doesn’t have the will to survive. Is there anything you can think of you could send back to Atlantis to remind him of you?”

She jumped to her feet and ran upstairs, returning a few minutes later with a seashell, clear duct tape protecting her driver’s license and attaching it to the shell. “Here. When he gave me the shells he told me they reminded him of me, and maybe the picture will help.”

Claudia nodded, taking the extended items. “Got it.”

She hurried back outside and gave them to Ryan, explaining their purpose. To his credit, he didn’t question or mock it in the slightest. “When you next see Daniel Quinn, remind him to swim in the open sea soon. The river is not very clean and a poor substitute. He is welcome to return to Atlantis whenever he likes. And his father’s funeral will be in three days’ time. I will return in time to escort him since he has never made the trip alone, should he choose to attend.”

“I’ll tell him.” She assured the prince, who nodded and vanished into the briny.

True to his word, Ryan returned at first light three days later, and Danny was ready for him, already transformed but sitting on the docks again. He couldn’t wear normal funeral attire down there, so he had bought a black swimshirt for the occasion. Jenny sat beside him, holding his hand supportively in silence.

Ryan popped his head above the water and Danny took a deep breath. Jenny pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek and squeezed his hand, then got up and walked away. Danny slid forward- careful to avoid getting a splinter or catch on a nail- and into the water. He was grateful that Ryan had come to escort him, since he couldn’t remember too well the route.

“Would it be alright if I visited Stephen and Abby and Nick while I was here?” Danny questioned the prince hesitantly. “The others will want to know how they’re doing.”

Ryan sighed, the puffing-out of his breath sending a rush of bubbles toward the surface. “I would like to say that you can. But the healers are hard at work and must not be disturbed in their task. Stephen suffered greatly, and his wounds were more than to his flesh. Pieces were taken from his scales and his fins. He was carved into and parts of his bones were taken out. There were chemicals used on him that could take weeks to flush out and repair him from on their own. Abigail and Nick were not so harmed, but they still were not unscathed. They refuse to leave Stephen’s side, and in doing so they forget to rest or to feed themselves. I do not think it would be wise to disrupt the fragile routine that has been implemented.” He chuckled mirthlessly. “Even the Heirs of Poseidon are not above the command of the healers.”

Danny nodded, disappointed but understanding. “Well, I hope they recover soon. They’re good people.”

Ryan nodded as well. “They are.”

It seemed that all of Atlantis had turned out in honor of Gordon. It seemed their idea of mourning or funeral clothes were tightly-woven net vests filled with rocks. Danny was also given one, which he put on atop his specially-purchased black swimshirt. Even the royals wore them, who had no other jewelry or accessories save their crowns and their crowns alone. When Ryan had given it to him he explained that the confining garment and the weight of the rocks was meant to physically represent their emotional heaviness of grief and sorrow. It made sense in its odd way.

Danny was ushered to the front of the procession, positioned at the head of his father’s almost mummified body. His corpse had been wrapped in a small-holed net of sea plants, much like the vests, that also encased him with seashells, pearls, fishbones, a few personal trinkets, dead sand dollars and starfish and seahorses, and rocks. This combination weighed his body down and kept it from floating to the surface, and also represented him, his death, and his species.

As family, Danny was responsible for holding one of the eight ropes coming from the mummy (eight representing the tentacular limbs of krakens). Gordon’s other family members- his wife Fiona; his children Iain, Gareth, and Jason; Jason’s wife Elly and sons Cassius and Noah- took up the seven others. Fiona and Danny (the eldest child) held the front two, with Iain and Gareth behind them, followed by Jason and Elly, and then ending with Cassius and Noah. Thus his pallbearers of sorts were the ones who knew and loved him best, even if the form-fitted wrappings and lack of coffin made it feel rather morbid.

They traveled from where he was embalmed at the family home, which was like Stephen’s but bigger, to the castle. The royalty, wearing rock vests of their own and no jewelry but their crowns and their crowns alone, were waiting for them. King Lester held his trident but passed it to Ryan to crown Gordon’s wrapped head with a carefully-made wreath of shells and fishbones and dead and starfish, and they had woven them together with the incredibly strong strands of hair from his family. Then the king took his trident again and the royals bowed their heads to the family.

“The Children and Heirs of Poseidon offer you our sympathy and grief for the loss of your kin.” The king told them solemnly.

Fiona nodded once in acknowledgement. “We accept your sharing of grief and offering of sympathy with gratitude.” She replied.

That seemed to complete this part of the ceremony, for the royals then moved to the head of the procession with King Lester in the fore-end with his children following suit in descending order of age, led the group through Atlantis to another massive underwater cliff on the far side of the main city. Engraved with rune-like carvings was something that Danny couldn’t translate set above a wide doorway in the mountainside. The doorway was covered with a curtain-like door similar to the ones that covered dwelling entrances.

Ryan and Matthew removed the curtain and pinned it to the ground with its weight-stones before retaking their places. Then the procession entered the tomb, which was quite spacious of its interior and contained many smaller doorways, all curtained off as well.

They proceeded onward to one of the doorways, which a different inscription was engraved over, and through that was a chamber with even smaller chambers within. Some were closed off and engraved over, but many others were open and blank, and one open with an engraving. Each engraving in the entire tomb consisted of a series of different runes followed by the same tunes above the greater chamber’s entrance. Somewhere in his mind Danny realized the repeated runes were probably some form of surname, and the different set was the first name. He made a mental note to one day learn the runic alphabet of his father’s people.

They wrapped the pull-ropes around Gordon’s body, and carefully they steered him into the small space. It wasn’t a coffin or sarcophagus, but it seemed to be their equivalent- a tomb just big enough to hold a body and marked with the name of said body.

Fiona slipped her fingers into her vest and fished out a single stone, placing it into the entrance of Gordon’s tomb. Then she moved away, allowing the rest of his family to come forward and place a rock from each of their own vests. Danny put one from his down and took his place with the rest of his father’s family.

After they had put their stones down, the royal family was next, and following them was the commonfolk. Through these little rocks piled into place a barrier was formed, closing off the tomb from the rest of the greater structure. A glance around confirmed that all the other occupied tombs were sealed with a collection of similar rocks. Perhaps it was their equivalent to everyone throwing in a handful of dirt onto a coffin.

Then they withdrew, and the princes curtained off the tomb again. The royals led the procession toward the family home again, and every member of the commonfolk entered one by one and left something within- a shell, a rock, a pearl, a fishbone, something- then swam away to their own home. The royals were the last to do so, but their gifts were not ostentatious compared to their people’s.

And when everyone had left, the family shed their vests and laid them aside, and the funeral was over.

Fiona took Danny’s hands in her own, squeezing them gently. “You’re very welcome to come and stay here whenever you wish, and however long you wish. You are his son, and though I am not your mother my sons and daughters are your brothers and sisters.”

He nodded. “Thank you. But I’m a little confused, I’m afraid- it doesn’t upset any of you that I’m half-human, or…illegitimate, as we say on the surface?”

Fiona shook her head. “If you had been born after Gordon and I married, perhaps, but you were born before we even courted. I have no reason to be angry, and neither do your siblings. We see you as his family, and that makes you our family too. You will always be welcome in our homes, and although the human girl I’m told you’re quite sweet on- Jenny, I believe her name is- cannot come to us, perhaps one day we might visit her.”

That brought a small smile to his face. “I think she would like that.”

He ended up staying the night in his father’s home, painfully void of his one connection to it, and swam home in the morning. Jenny wasn’t out waiting for him, instead he found her in Caroline’s old bedroom, sorting through the traitorous backstabbing wench’s belongings. Becker and Claudia were with her, and Rachel was bringing out heaps of toiletries and makeup from the bathroom.

Jenny examined a lipstick. “This is unused and it’s worth £30, I’m keeping it.” She declared, shoving it into her pocket.

Rachel lifted a blouse and gave it a look of disdain. “People pay hundreds or thousands of pounds for this? I’d get prettier stuff out of a dumpster.”

Becker and Danny were inclined to agree.

Jenny threw a few tubs and tubes into the bin with enough force to move it slightly. Danny eyed it, suddenly wary of her strength when annoyed, then rapped his knuckles against the doorframe. The occupants of the room looked to him, and Jenny’s face brightened.

She jumped up and quickly came over to him, wrapping him in a hug that he gladly reciprocated. “How was it?” She murmured into his shoulder.

“Weird. Peaceful. The royals turned up for it.” He answered. “His family’s nice. They want to meet you someday.”

They parted, and she was wearing an adorable frown. “Your father’s family…want to meet me?”

He nodded. “Apparently they don’t mind me since I came before he got married or had any kids, and they see me as family and want to meet you too. What’s all this?”

“We’re going through Caroline’s stuff. Her and Leek’s mobiles and Leek’s laptop got delivered to one of the docks and Connor’s working on fixing them so we can leave emails and stuff to divert police attention away from us when they turn up missing. We’ll sell some of her stuff on eBay and keep or bin the rest. Rachel and Kat and I are cooking up a cover story.” Jenny answered.

“I hope you’re all good liars.” Rachel commented with a wicked smirk. “’Cause if not…y’all f***ed.”

“Eloquent.” Becker quipped. She gave him a sarcastically saccharine grin and disappeared back into the bathroom, kicking a toiletry bag out a minute later.

“Did you see Nick, or Stephen or Abby?” Claudia asked.

Danny shook his head regretfully. “I wasn’t allowed to see them. Prince Ryan said that Stephen’s the worst off and it might be weeks or more before he’s healthy again.”

The room descended into worried silence.

The three-and-a-half hour car ride from Torquay to London wore on its travelers, and they quickly decided to take two-day shifts so no one was making two trips back-to-back. The hospital had only allowed two people to be there for Charlotte in the beginning, so when Danny had returned to Torquay for his father’s funeral, he elected to remain there so Emily could be the other person. She hadn’t left since, and a couple days later the hospital had loosened up their restrictions, so Danny had driven Sarah up and neither had left. Danny and Emily would remain permanent fixtures until Charlotte was discharged, and Sarah would come up one day, spend one or two solid days up there, and then return to the Inn for a day or two. Despite her deep friendship with Charlotte, she was hesitant to be away from the Inn for too long in case there was word of Stephen.

This day in particular was one of those days that Sarah woke up in the hospital waiting room. Groaning, she got off the sofa and pulled her shoes on, heading down the long ‘shortcut’ route to the cafeteria by way of three hallways and four elevators. She acquired a large coffee, used to the feeling of its heat seeping through the papery material of the takeaway cup into her hand and nearly burn it, and collected a handful of oversize butter croissants as well, ignoring the stares of the regular staff who eyed her and her unbrushed hair and her ghastly eyebags with pity.

She sipped her coffee on the way back, not caring how it scorched her tongue, and settled into an armchair. Eyes half-lidded, she observed the other occupants of the waiting room in their unconscious states. Patrick lay in a recliner, snoring softly with his feet covered by a jacket after he’d fallen asleep- not before as he continually insisted he wouldn’t sleep so he wouldn’t miss any updates, but he always crashed eventually. Danny’s massive frame took up the other, larger sofa, his legs hanging from the knee off one armrest. Emily was curled up in an armchair with Danny’s giant coat wrapped around her, face curtained by messy chocolate curls.

Sarah eyed the digital wall clock’s red numerals with distaste. They proclaimed the time to be 07:22, which was very irritating to the night owl. She slurped her hot coffee annoyedly.

It was 08:19 when the waiting room door swung open and a tall blonde man in a white coat strode in. Sarah jumped to her feet. “Wake up! Someone’s here!” She urged her sleeping friends.

Danny sat upright and ran a hand through his hair, causing it to stick up in staticky spikes, and Patrick jolted into consciousness and practically flipped forward, using his legs to shove the recliner’s extension back under the seat. But as he did so and made to stand, his jacket got pinched in the mechanism and his foot slid into one sleeve. He didn’t realize what was happening, only that he was sitting and standing up in one movement and promptly faceplanted.

Emily jerked awake at the noise, lifting her head and sweeping her hair aside so she could see what was going on. “What’s happening?” She slurred, blinking like a cat.

“My name is Dr. Nirrane, and I’m Ms. Cameron’s surgeon.” The man said. “May I ask everyone’s relation to Ms. Cameron?”

“She’s my fiancée.” Patrick replied. His throat swelled with the too-familiar tears wetting his eyes for the millionth time. “My Charlotte.”

“He’s Patrick Quinn, I’m his brother Danny.” The hybrid supplied. “And Emily Brown and Sarah Page, her friends.”

The surgeon nodded, directing his gaze to Patrick. “Well, Mr. Quinn, you’ll be glad to hear that her last surgery went smoothly. We’re not seeing the need for any further surgeries, and we believe she’ll make a full recovery. There were some unfortunate results of her injuries, unfortunately, but nothing life-threatening. We’ll discuss it further later.”

Patrick swallowed hard. “Can I see her?”

The surgeon nodded again, giving a warm smile. “She’s unconscious still, but she should wake up in a few hours. You can go in to be with her, but just one person for now. Once she’s awake and we’ve checked on her, the rest of you can go in and visit.”

They nodded, and Emily touched Patrick’s arm. “You go. We’ll wait.”

“Are you sure? She’s your best friend.”

She gave him a gently reproaching look. “She’s your fiancé. Priorities, Patrick. Go.”

He relented and followed Dr. Nirrane to Charlotte’s room. The moment he laid eyes on her he completely blanked the surgeon and everyone and everything else around him, moving to her side. He sank into a conveniently placed chair and carefully took one of her limp hands in his own, mindful of the cord bandaged to the tip of one finger and what appeared to be an IV connected to the back of her hand as well.

It was hard for him to comprehend how the woman lying still and unconscious before him could be his Charlotte, the same woman who was so full of life, dancing in long dresses in shadows and sunbeams under trees with carefree and joyful laughter and smiles. She was pale, her skin almost ashy with a disquieting pallor, and the amount of wires and tubes coming out of her was unsettling. The room was filled with the racket of all the machines beeping and her vital signs on the monitor. He scanned the screen with tired eyes, but other than heart rate he didn’t understand any of it. He looked away from the neon pixels and back down to his fiancée, somehow lifeless and still alive at the same time.

“Oh, Charlotte.” He breathed, eyes he had thought completely dried out brimming with tears again. He lifted her hand and bent his head, kissing the back of her hand. “Come back to me, my love.”

Three weeks passed since the day of the incident. The seconds felt like eternities and stretched into minutes and hours and days and weeks, wearing everyone down, down, down. Sarah was tasked with bringing toiletries, clothes, personal items, and homemade food from the inn to the hospital and back on her trips. Kat and Rachel reluctantly left after a while, but they both called or texted with Claudia almost daily.

Those that remained at the Inn had been paid a visit by the authorities, but there was a convenient lack of evidence, and everyone’s stories matched up and the fake trails of breadcrumbs that had been orchestrated led them on a merry goose chase far away from the Inn and its residents, alluding to the band of sociopaths being part of a cult and planning to cut ties with civilization and live off the grid.

Below the surface, far from the Brown Beachside Inn in the underwater kingdom of Atlantis, in its capital city of the same name, two merfolk- one male and one female, a pair of fair-haired cousins- watched with weary eyes as the Atlantean healers moved in a steady circuit through the chamber in which Stephen was being kept. Two mermaids and a merman- Hannah, Douglas, and Mabel- toted out a net filled with bioluminescent sea life while James, Jonathan, and Lucy brought in a new group. This wasn’t an uncommon sight- after all, such fish and other creatures were the Atlantean version of indoor lighting.

Laila and Andrew, two of Atlantis’ best healers, remained inside, still toiling away wearily but determinedly at their task of nursing Stephen back to health. Abby and Nick had long since healed from their minor wounds, no longer even needing any kind of bandage. But they refused to leave the healing chambers, remaining close by in case of any changes. Ryan and Matthew had had to literally drag them away to force them to swim around for a little while before reluctantly allowing them back, and even then they had stared pointedly at the cousins to make sure they ate a healthy amount.

Laila emerged from Stephen’s chamber for the first time in two weeks. She looked exhausted and haggard, almost in need of healing herself. She raked a hand through her blood red hair. “I have news.” She announced.

Nick and Abby exchanged worried glances before leaning closer to the mermaid.

Sarah Page felt like a zombie.

She walked, she talked; she ate, she slept; she did chores, she watched the telly. But it wasn’t living, and she felt dead inside. Her limbs felt heavy, like limp bags stuffed full of lead, and she was never hungry. She seemed to constantly be exhausted and lethargic, and the days dragged like her feet. She had fallen into depression, but no one could blame her, as the same affliction had blanketed everyone around her as well in varying degrees. Two of the half-dozen people she cared about most in the world were unwell, possibly dying or dead, and there was nothing she could do about it.

Currently she was inadvertently following in Emily’s footsteps and was leaving the orchard after a lonely walk through it. Already drained of energy from the frankly short trip, she headed back to the main Inn building, intending to collapse onto a sofa.

“Sarah.”

A voice she had thought she would never hear again spoke behind her, calm and collected. She turned around slowly and her eyes landed on Stephen, hair still wet and half sticking up spikily while half slicked back, clad in an oversized t-shirt and sweatpants that didn’t reach his ankles. He had clearly just gotten out of the water, some webbing from his fins still between his toes and his gill flaps open just a tad.

“Stephen.” She breathed. “You’re back. Are you- are you alright?” It was hard for her to believe that the (mer)man who stood in front of her now, strong and healthy, full of life and strength, could be the same as the one who lay too weak to even open his eyes as he bled from the wounds inflicted upon him in the name of science and consequently lingered on death’s door for three weeks.

He gave her a small smile. “I’m alright.” He came closer, seeing perfectly stable on his two humanoid legs. He put his hands on her cheeks, nearly covering completely the sides of her head. “I’m alright.”

She let out a little sob, in relief and in memory of that awful day, and threw her arms around his stomach, standing on her tiptoes. He carefully got down on his knees, bringing them to almost eye level, and pulled her closer.

“I saw your injuries that day. Some of them, at least. My dad’s car got ran into by another car as he was leaving for work one day when I was seven, and Mum and I had to get him out of the car. There was so much blood, and bits of glass stuck in him. You looked worse.”

“It’s all a bit of a blur.” He confessed. “I remember being in pain, so much pain. I remember being terrified and wanting to tear Helen apart with my bare hands. I thought I was going to die. I thought Nick and Abby and the others were going to die. I remember wishing I could’ve said a better goodbye to you.”

Sarah pressed her forehead to his chest. “You don’t have to. Neither of us are going anywhere, and nothing bad is gonna happen to either of us.”

“Better not.” He murmured. “’Cause I’m not ready to let go of you again for a really long time.”

His tiny smirk gave her a half-second of warning before he scooped her up princess-style, eliciting a shriek of surprise. Her arms went around his neck and she lifted her head, only to find herself breathless at how close his face was to her own.

She chose to (for now, at least) completely blank the elephant in the room- the elephant being said proximity. “Why’d you pick me up?” She queried instead, a little miffed at that.

Stephen shrugged (something that was very weird for her given how he was holding her). “You’re so short.”

“I’m really not.” She replied indignantly. “You’re just really tall.”

He shrugged. “Compared to me, you’re short.”

“Compared to me, you are a giant.”

He smiled, earning a bemused frown from her. “What?”eH

“You’re adorable when you’re angry.”

She huffed (adorably) and took her arms from around his neck, crossing them petulantly (and adorably), fighting down a smile. “Usually when a man says that to a woman, it’s patronizing, but you…you really mean it. You’re not demeaning me, you actually think I’m cute when I’m upset with you.”

Stephen kissed her forehead. “Not just when you’re upset with me.” He teased, then grew serious. “But I don’t ever want you to be upset with me over something important, alright? Talk to me.” He looked down. “I’ve spent too long in pain because I didn’t think I could talk about how I felt. I’m not putting myself through that again, and I’m not putting you through that either.”

Sarah’s chest warmed with his words, irritation at his incorrigibility melting away into pure affection and adoration. She put her arms back around his neck and rested her head on his shoulder. “I promise.”

Satisfied, he pressed a kiss to the crown of her ebony-haired head. “Good.”

The dock was where Connor felt closest to Abby when she wasn’t near.

Like Nick and Claudia, they always met on the same one. Caroline had followed him there the day Stephen and Nick had told their stories, which had annoyed him at first since he had gone there to wait for Abby to return from Atlantis.

He laid on his back on the rough sun-warmed wood, wiggling in place to get a nail out of his back as he stared up at the bright blue sky. If one could see as far of the ocean as one could of the sky, maybe he’d be able to see Abby, wave to her and smile at her and mouth conversations back and forth.

Something disturbed the water beside him and he shot upward, heart jumping hopefully into his throat. His prayers were answered and wishes were granted as he found himself looking into the cornflower eyes of Abigail.

“A-Abby! You’re back!”

The mermaid blinked back at him, the hint of a smile gracing her lips. “It’s good to be back.”

Connor came low and close to the edge of the dock, bringing his face to less than a foot away from hers. “I missed you.” He blurted.

Her smile grew. “I missed you too.”

They grinned like idiots at each other for a long moment, and then Connor’s smile- and mood- dropped. “Abs, I’m sorry about how things were between us. We weren’t speaking and I was all wrapped up in…Caroline-” he spat her name like a disgusting curse or a slur “-and when you seemed to stop coming around I thought you were sick of me and I stopped trying and…I’m sorry. I never meant to blank you.”

“It’s okay, Connor. I was jealous of Caroline.” She admitted. “She was sweet, and pretty, and she laughed and smiled and she made you laugh and smile, and she was human. I knew there was something off about her, her…giggling and swooning looking fake, but I thought maybe it was just because I didn’t like her.”

Connor shook his head. “I should’ve known better than to trust her. And I should never have dated her- she was nothing like me, nothing like who I want. I suppose I was flattered, that someone like her would want anything to do with someone like me. Leek was right- guys like me don’t get girls like her.”

“Well, I should hope not.” Abby interjected with a smirk, causing a hurt look to cross his face. “You deserve better than conniving, backstabbing b¡tches like her.” She elaborated.

The clarification caused him to chuckle, but he sobered again almost immediately. “I didn’t wish her dead, but I’m…I’m not sorry she’s dead.” He confessed quietly, looking away. “I try not to think about her. About any of that day, actually.” He met her eyes. “I can’t get that picture out of my head, of you when we found you. Those men that had you, jerking you around. I’ve never been that angry at anyone before, not even Caroline.”

“I’m touched.” Abby admitted, though her tone was dry. Tilting her head with a small frown of confusion, she said, “You could’ve left with Emily and Patrick and Charlotte, but you didn’t leave me until I was back in the river. Why’d you come after me if you didn’t have a gun?”

“I lost you once, Abby, I wasn’t losing you again.” He was growing almost distressed, as if the mere suggestion of having left her there was his present reality. “I couldn’t- I love you!”

That had been the last thing she’d expected him to blurt out, but she wasn’t disappointed.

Fearing he had overstepped and entirely misreading her emotions, he tried to explain it in a less bold manner. “Abby, I- I want- I mean…” He cut himself off, then tried again. “I feel that we- I want us-”

This time, she cut him off. “Connor.” He closed his mouth, bracing for the worst. “Shut up.”

But instead of entirely rebuff him- or worse, perish the thought- she lifted herself, leaning up to press her mouth to his. Their eyes fluttered shut and one of her hands came to rest on and span the back of his head, while one of his was placed on her comparatively much larger ones on the edge of the dock.

Much too soon in Connor’s opinion, she pulled away, but he remained in the exact same position, eyes closed and lips slightly pursed with a slightly dazed expression on his face. “Are you okay?” Abby queried teasingly, humor coloring her voice.

It seemed to break him out of his trance, and his puppy eyes opened again. He smiled a goofy grin- the most lovely smile she’d ever seen, in her opinion- and moved forward, dropping into the water beside her. This time, he kissed her, full of enthusiasm and reciprocation and love.

They broke apart again a few minutes later, both of them needing to breathe but sporting wide grins and rosy blushes. Abby pressed her forehead to Connor’s, their noses brushing. “I love you too.”

Claudia had caught a glimpse of her cousin kissing a particular blonde mermaid in the water next to one of the docks, and after a brief moment of being happy for them, had quickly went in search of said mermaid’s cousin.

She found him on the dock where she and him had usually met, struggling with the buttons of a striped shirt, the last piece of an outfit she had neither put together nor put out. Her heart soared in her chest and she toed off her shoes to avoid falling as she all but ran down to him.

Whether he heard her coming or felt the vibration of her first steps on the dock, she didn’t know, but it didn’t really matter. He looked up, sapphire eyes stopping her in place. She was breathless, heart seeming to want to beat out of her chest as it fluttered wildly like the wings of a bird.

Nick’s eyes lit up and a smile curved his mouth the moment he saw her. “Claudia Brown.”

She had missed her name in his mouth.

“Miss me?” She asked, fighting to keep her composure (but not the wide smile on her own face).

“Yes.”

She had to confine herself to a swift walk and not run. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders, pressing his face into her hair at the crown of her head as she laid her head against his chest. His heartbeat thumped against her cheek.

He lowered himself into a kneeling position, which made them almost exactly the same height. He scanned over her face with such tenderness and concern that she blushed.

“You look tired. Are you okay?”

“I haven’t been sleeping well.” She admitted sheepishly. “Bad dreams.”

She didn’t need to explain what they were about.

“By the way-” Claudia’s tone changed, lighter suddenly. “-before you left to go track them down, you kissed me. On the lips.”

He remembered that quite well (in fact, it was one of the few things that had brought him any semblance of comfort from the moment of his capture to this present reunion). He fumbled for words for a moment, eventually coming out with “I know.”

She put her arms around his neck, grinning impishly. “I liked it.” She whispered, and kissed him again.

They didn’t let go of each other until twenty minutes later when Jenny found them, coming to deliver more good news.

Rhythmically tapping her fingers on the steering wheel to the beat of a song she couldn’t remember the name of, Emily watched anxiously out the windscreen for the doors to open. Danny sat on her left, eyes also glued to the hospital entrance/exit from his seat, which was lower and farther back than Emily’s to accommodate his size.

Finally, the doors opened, and Emily perked up. One of her own afghans was draped over Charlotte’s lap as Patrick wheeled her out of the hospital, a nurse beside him. They brought Emily over to the side of the sedan they’d borrowed from Sarah for its closeness to the ground, and the nurse opened the door. Charlotte gathered up the blanket to avoid stepping or tripping on it and lifted her booted feet off the footrests, which Patrick folded up before standing straight and holding out his hands. Charlotte hung the blanket over one of her shoulders and took her fiancé’s hands, using him for leverage to stand while the nurse held the wheelchair steady. Emily let out a breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding when Charlotte was finally on her feet, leaning a little on both one leg and Patrick but almost entirely supporting herself.

He helped her get into the car, then thanked the nurse and got in beside Charlotte. Emily twisted in her seat to look at her friend, who was still pale and fatigued but seeming better. “How do you feel, Charlotte?” She asked, reaching back a hand to her.

Charlotte took it and gave it a squeeze. “Ready to go home. I’ve missed our room, and the orchard.”

Charlotte and Patrick had (easily) gotten permission to share an Inn room once they got engaged, so they’d moved their things into a room with a queen bed some time ago and Danny had relocated to a single-bed room to free up the two-bed room he and Patrick had been sharing. Even a child could’ve discerned from a mere glance who slept on which side of the room. When they had received the news that Charlotte would be coming home soon, Sarah and Claudia had cleaned the room and tidied up the little messes that had been left in a hurry for the summit.

“Being back somewhere comfortable will do you a world of good.” Patrick agreed. “And so will the fresh air and sunlight. The hospital is so stifling.” Emily made a humming noise in her throat in agreement.

Despite the optimism of Charlotte finally being discharged and well-healed and coming home, she had still suffered some permanent effects from her kidnapping, imprisonment, and escape. As predicted, she did have a slight limp, but she didn’t mind it too much, and her physical therapists had all assured her that she would still be able to walk down the aisle and dance with Patrick on their wedding day, and maybe even still wander and dance in the forests and orchards if she was careful.

The other lasting consequence of her injuries was caused almost entirely by the bullet she had taken to the abdomen. It hadn’t hit her bladder, instead getting embedded in the back wall of her uterus. Unfortunately, due to how much blood she lost and how much damage the bullet had done, Charlotte had lost the possibility of ever safely carrying a pregnancy to term.

It was a blow, but Emily knew Patrick wouldn’t love Charlotte or want to marry her any less for it. Besides, there was still surrogacy, fostering, and adoption. Still, it made Emily almost with Helen and her cronies had died pore painful deaths for robbing Patrick and Charlotte of that opportunity.

As she pulled into the Inn’s parking, Emily hoped that the trip between London and Torquay would be the last they’d have to make in a very long time. The Inn was a sight for sore eyes, and there was nothing quite like the feeling of coming home.

Patrick helped Charlotte walk inside, and everyone else was gathered in the living room to congratulate Charlotte and welcome her home. She settled down on the couch and Patrick and Danny unpacked the sedan before joining her and Emily and the others to relax.

Every person- human, merfolk, or both- had been marked and changed in some way by what they had endured, and none of them would ever be the same as they were before. Some had been bent and some had been broken; some had hurt and some had killed. And somehow, they were both the same people they had been before and different people entirely.

But in spite of all that had been abided and acted, it was all over now, it was done, and they were together and happy and home.

Dividers are used with permission from their creator, @animatedglittergraphics-n-more ; top image is a collage I made of pictures used with permission from their creator/poster, @kahuna-64 ; I borrowed and semi-edited some lines and scenes from Primeval. Title is from “Sea-Fever” by John Masefield

| Author’s note: Behold, the last angsty chapter! There are two more installments in this book and *spoiler alert* THEY’RE BOTH FLUFFY AND HAPPY!

Contrary to the usage of the word ‘y’all’, I am not Southern. I just say it sometimes. And I’m not Hispanic/of any Spanish or Hispanic descent, but I took Spanish in high school and I mix the words into my regular speaking. My mother took German in high school and I grew up listening to her do the same thing.

Chicken Cottage is the restaurant Patrick was referring to, and it’s a real place in London near the hospital I picked out. I’ve never been there, but it was close by and opens early enough to fit the plot, so I picked it.

I don’t know how English hospitals differ from American ones so if it’s incorrect for a surgery to be taking place at the time of day I listed I apologize. I just spent three weeks visiting my father in the hospital so I wrote a lot of this based off personal experience (note: my father was not shot, it was a heart issue, and I had this planned for a while before my father was even unwell. It just got detailed like it did because of personal experience.)

And I’m so sorry about the wait. I hope I’ve made up for it.

Ocean Eyes Masterlist

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