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#please don't make me go to therapy i don't have time i have to study for this CPA exam

peachylipglosss · 9 months

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my guide to wonyoungism, improve your life, glow up, be THAT girl:

🎀 have a routine: this is something I learned from being on therapy for so long. It is really important to have a routine because if not you can have bad sleeping, be tired all day, get bored easier, you won't be able to finish your responsabilities, it can bring you bad self esteem and in general is a complete mess.

🎀 work out: always do what's best for you and do what you feel comfortable doing but please! work! out! I'm such a lazy person and at some point it was really hard for me to have motivation to do anything, but once I put my mind into it, and force myself a bit and started with 10 mins of pilates everyday (since it was something easy to start with) my life and my self esteem improved a lot. Working out is another way to have schedules and a routine, also improves your self esteem by making you feel capable of doing stuff, and ofc is good for your body.

🎀 have a good skincare routine: first, do some research about your skin type and see what products can work better for you (you can also go to have a skincare treatment and ask the beautician or search on internet) but always do what's more comfortable and affordable for you, don't use stuff that influencers recommend bc you can alter you skin type based on the products you use too (as a beutician I know) Also don't DON'T do it everyday, some products can be used everyday like the cleanser but others not. As I said just do a good research. Besides skin stuff it's really interesting!!

🎀 improve your diet: with diet I don't mean to specifically have a diet, actually I'm a bit against them, since being strict about what we eat can cause stress and guiltiness, it's really important to have a balance, eating healthy at the end of the day means nothing if you don't enjoy it. And you can enjoy it by having fun creating new healthy recipes, doing a journal about your fav healthy recipes, buying new cookware (pink plates, pots, pans, etc) or eating a hamburguer, a chocolate cookie sometime

🎀 journal: this is something I do since 2014 lol it's without doubt one of the best things the human has created. It has helped me to improve my writing skills, to get to know me better, to vent about stuff idk how or whom to talk about, also make it fun! In my journal I vent and write about my feelings,fears, dreams, goals, etc but also write down my travels, concerts or fav kpop artists, decorate with stickers, a piece of confetti, even dried flowers!

🎀 hobbies: this is something I also learned recently on therapy, I mean we all had hobbies from time to time but do we know about the importance of having them? I spent this whole year doing nothing since I can't work or study, and without hobbies I can tell you life is too boring, and it can lead you to bad self esteem too I mean, I kinda got crazier for spending so much time alone with literally nothing to do. So find new and fun stuff to do just for the pleasure of doing it, you don't have to be the best at it. I bet you can find hobbies ideas on YouTube as well.

🎀 be more femenine: this is ofc an optional step but I think it can be important, since always either wonyoung or it girls usually look very femenine. Don't forget to make it a fun thing to do! Finding your aesthetic, maybe trying a new one, enjoy going shopping..you can be femenine with your clothing, with your skin care routine, with your jewlery...this is just about feeling beautiful and also powerful.

🎀 improve your behaviour towards other people: with this I mean basically being more open. To meet new people, to make new plans...also fixing your body gesture (at least mine is shit and It always end up hurting my back and shoulders)

🎀 affirmations: good affirmations are a thing, this I learned in therapy too. The way you talk to yourself is important and changing the mindset too. If you tell yourself "I won't be able" then for sure you won't. This is not an easy thing tho I know, but is a necessary thing. Forcing yourself to change your mind every time a negative thought pass by is a hardwork but is well payd, cause the price is your happiness. For this is VERY important to have some help and work things up in therapy. But to give you a little tip, surround yourself with good energy, put some pictures of good affirmations in your room, as background of your phone, even on a shirt!

🎀 enjoy and trust the process: as I kept saying in each step, making it something fun to do it would help you to don't feel it like an obligation cause it's not. It's ofc a responsability to improve your life so you don't fall in depressed behaviours for example, but by making it something fun, then you won't feel guilty if someday you don't feel like functioning and need a lazy day in bed. And by trusting the process, we keep motivated to keep going.

🌼hope this works for you, please let me know if so, have a great day and a great life! 🌼

#wonyoungism #glow up #glow up tips #that girl #it girl #hot summer girl #ive wonyoung #tips #trust the process #skin care

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charmandabear · 1 month

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Office Hours - Chapter Eight

Summary

When whining about season selection to your therapist turns into confronting the complicated ways that Astarion makes you feel, she challenges you to really explore what it is that you - or perhaps your subconscious - want.

Pairing: Astarion/f!Reader Rating: Explicit Word Count: 2.6k Tags/Warnings: imagined D/s dynamic, light bondage, ascended Astarion lines, vaginal fingering, masturbation

Thank god this girl is finally getting into therapy, am I right? I don't have a ton to say other than now that the major conflict I had planned is winding down, it's going to be a lot more about exploration from here on out.

Once again, Zaria is out here killing it with these screenshots!

Read on AO3 ~ Masterlist

You massage your temples in an attempt to ease your headache. Season selection has been going terribly – every meeting just ended with everyone talking in circles. Today, it’s Alfira’s turn to make her case as to why hers is the best choice.

“I just think that it would do our students a lot of good to have this outlet to talk about their mental health,” she insists, bleeding heart that she is.

“I’m not necessarily saying I disagree with you,” you begin, gears in your head turning as you formulate your thoughts. “But isn’t Heathers, like, dark to the point of troubling?”

“Well sure, it’s dark, but what do you mean troubling?” Her eyes are big and round, and you try to imagine someone as tender as Alfira blocking a scene like “Dead Girl Walking.” It’s not easy.

“I’ve seen the way teen girls talk about the character JD, it’s a little concerning.” You fold your arms and lean back in your chair, studying Alfira’s expression carefully as it twists into a frown.

“I mean, sure, some of them think he’s cute, but I don’t think anyone is looking at him and thinking ‘boyfriend goals.’”

“Are you sure? Have you seen the TikToks for that one song? What’s-it-called, the ‘open the door’ song.” Your fingers twitch towards your phone, fighting the urge to pull up the app.

“Yeah, ‘Meant to be Yours,’ I’ve seen them, and I think they’re fairly harmless. They know it’s not real, you know?” She fiddles with the pen in her hand, not taking her eyes off you. You squirm, uncomfortable under her persistent gaze.

“Maybe you’re right. I don’t know.” You look down at your notes, giving yourself a second to think. “Something about the way they talk about JD makes me feel icky. JD as a character makes me feel icky. Besides,” you add quickly before she gets that puppy dog look in her eyes, “I don’t know if building around a theme of ‘mental health’ is specific enough to be interesting. I’m not even sure I can think of a classical play that fits into that.”

“Perhaps Hamlet?” Lucretious says with a smirk, and you groan loudly as others in the meeting titter.

“Gods, please, literally anything else,” you whine.

The discussion continues, going absolutely nowhere, until the clock ticks over and everyone starts to pack up their things. Another meeting gone, and you’re no closer to having a season for next year. You put away your notebook and Alfira comes up beside you.

“Just think on it a little more,” she implores. “The kids have talked a lot about wanting to do Heathers, I’m just advocating for them.”

“But do you think it’s a good, timely choice? You, the professor?” you ask suspiciously, trying to scope out her intentions.

“I really do, yes. I think there’s a reason why they’re drawn to it right now.”

You chew on your lip and look at her a little longer. Then you sigh and acquiesce. “Fine, I’ll give it another read. It’s been a while since I’ve seen it, maybe there’s something I’m missing.”

“Thank you! I appreciate it, and I know the students do too,” she says, giving your arm a little squeeze. You soften, finding it difficult to perform your usual stubbornness with someone as sweet as Alfira.

Something is still gnawing at you, though, and you can’t figure out what.

***

You arrive at your therapist’s office a few minutes before your appointment. You sit in the waiting room, the white noise machine humming pleasantly. At 6:00 on the dot, Jaheira opens the door and waves you forward.

“Come in,” she says in her thick Russian accent. You walk past her into the office, which has a cozy, natural vibe. Between all of the plants and the bookshelves, you have no idea what color the walls are. You toe off your shoes and settle on the couch cross-legged as she sits across from you in an elegant red chair.

“So tell me, how are things going?” she asks, crossing her legs and letting her legal pad balance on her knee. You fidget uncomfortably, trying to figure out what to bring up first. But the season selection meeting is still so fresh in your mind, and you have so many thoughts bouncing around your head. Before you can stop yourself, you’re filling her in on all the details, including your feelings about Heathers.

“I just don’t understand why she’s so insistent on this musical, it’s not even really that good,” you grump, picking at your cuticles. She taps her pen to her mouth contemplatively.

“And this character that bothers you so much, JD? What is it about him specifically that gets under your skin? Surely you don’t feel this way about all bad guys in plays.” She tilts her head as she speaks and your eyes dart around the room, both avoiding her gaze and trying to gather your thoughts.

“I don’t know, there’s just something… Honestly, I think it’s the way these teen girls talk about him. I can totally see some of myself in them, too. I feel like if I were a teen when this musical came out I’d be foaming at the mouth for him.” You roll your eyes at the imaginary version of yourself you’ve conjured.

“Is that bad? To find the villain attractive?”

“It’s not just finding him attractive, it’s what qualities they find attractive. The toxicity, the obsessiveness, the violence. I don’t want them to take that into their real lives, you know?” Your words ring in your ears with double meaning and you quickly shut the errant thought down. Not Jaheira, though. She picks up on it immediately.

“We’re not talking about JD anymore, are we?” she asks softly and you fold your arms across your chest. You’re silent for a good long time, various thoughts and feelings barreling through your mind like a train, while she just watches you patiently. Finally, you muster up the energy to speak.

“I just… don’t like that I like it. Every time my body gets turned on by something terrible that he does, I feel betrayed. Like I’ve violated my own consent. It makes me feel sick,” you say in a very small voice, fixing your gaze on a small succulent on the coffee table in front of you.

“I believe you said last tenday that he thought it was all a game, correct?” she asks carefully, and you nod. She continues, “Well, what’s stopping you from playing along with him?”

You stare at her, that ringing in your ears coming back. Your stomach lurches, but you genuinely can’t tell if it’s from aversion or excitement.

“I mean, I don’t want to think of my relationship as a game,” you say with slight disgust. She shakes her head.

“Not the relationship, no, but perhaps other things. If you two agree on the rules ahead of time, find a safe way to tap out if need be, what’s to stop you from having fun?”

“What, like kink?” you ask with incredulity. It’s not something you had ever considered for yourself.

“You could call it that, but it doesn't need to be anything so formal. As long as you agree on your boundaries prior.” She looks at you with that penetrating stare again, like she can peer directly into your thoughts. “Can you trust this man?”

You genuinely don't know the answer to this question.

She doesn't let the silence linger for quite as long this time. She continues, “Try it on your own, first. Just fantasy. Give yourself permission to go as dark as you want. Just make sure you have a bottle of wine and a good friend on hand.” You immediately picture a smiley Shadowheart.

There's still something tugging at your mind, though.

“But doesn't it say something about my, like, feminist values if I want to get beat up in the bedroom?” You pick some lint off your sock so you don't need to look at her, but you steal a glance up at her anyway. She’s raising an eyebrow.

“What does it say?” she asks in that tone she uses when she's pushing back on one of your biases. You swallow your instinctive response and really think about an answer.

“I don't know, like I'm a bad feminist or something,” you finally mutter. Jaheira barks out a laugh.

“Please, what, do you think you're going to go to Feminist Thought Jail? That the Feminist Police are going to come and arrest you?” Her tone is snide but it makes you crack a smile nonetheless. She knows that you sometimes need a firm hand to keep your anxiety in line.

“Your homework,” she continues, glancing at the clock, “is to let yourself explore this fantasy, however you want. Whether it's just in your mind, or in writing, you can touch yourself or not, it's up to you.” Your cheeks redden slightly at getting “masturbate” as therapy homework. “Just make sure you're listening to your body. I think she knows what she wants more than that brain of yours.”

You take a deep breath and put your feet on the floor again, slipping your sneakers back on.

“Thanks, Jaheira.”

“You're welcome. It's literally my job. I'll see you next tenday, yeah?”

You nod, slinging your bag over your shoulder. You exit her office, ideas for your “assignment” bouncing around your head.

***

You get back to your apartment and kick off your shoes. You drop your bag and immediately head into the kitchen to pour yourself a drink. There’s absolutely no way you can do this stone cold sober. Your eyes flit between the fridge handle and the wine rack above it. Red or white? The image of Astarion licking your blood off his lips invades your mind.

Red. Obviously. Unfortunately.

You catch yourself. You don’t need to be so judgmental. You like red, and if it adds to the experience because it makes you think of him, so be it.

Your desire to cringe is potent nevertheless.

You bring the glass into your bedroom and dim the lights in an attempt to set some sort of mood. You pull a candle out of a Bath and Bodyworks bag on your dresser, trying not to think about how much time you spent trying to find one with the right smell. You set the candle and your wine glass on your bedside table. You strike a match and watch as the wick catches light, the flame bobbing around like a chipper little parakeet.

While staring off into space in the direction of the candle, you take a long, deep sip of wine. After a moment, you lie back on your bed and stare at your ceiling. Echoes of the fire dance across your vision. You take a deep breath, nervous about where you’re about to let your mind wander.

You conjure up his expression from the night you saw Taming. That snide grin, fangs bared, blood dripping down his chin. You remember him closing his hand around your throat and something deep in your core constricts. You let your hand slide down your front, taking your time, and his words reverberate in your ears.

Little love, do you think you’re in control?

You unbutton your jeans and your hand slips below the waistband of your panties. You dip your middle finger into your slick and let out a shaky breath.

You insolent little brat. I will absolutely ruin you.

The thought brings a voiceless moan to your lips. Your ring finger joins your middle finger and they lazily run along your folds, spreading your wetness.

Your eyes shoot open – you hadn’t even realized they were closed. You can feel the judgment, the anger, the frustration, all bubbling up inside of you. You take a deep breath, acknowledge it, and let your imagination take over again.

You visualize him smugly peering over his glasses at you, the round wire ones, and he points down to his feet.

On your knees, darling.

His voice in your mind is smooth like velvet, low with just a tinge of threat. You look up at him, your bound hands resting in your lap, a collar around your neck. He holds the leash.

Back in your bedroom, your back arches as you slide your middle finger into your cunt, just barely up to the second knuckle. You whimper at the thought of him pulling the leash tight. Your breath moves high into your chest, making your tits heave with the exertion. You move your other hand to your nipple, gently rolling it between your fingers as another needy moan works its way into your mouth. You savor this one slightly, lending it some of your voice.

The collar is replaced by his hand, his fingers tight on your neck. He pulls up on your jaw, bringing you to an upright position on your knees. He kisses you, rough and hungry, your hands twitching against their cuffs.

You let a second finger join the first inside your cunt, tilting your pelvis to get a better angle. Your jeans constrict your waist, and in a huff you shove them down past your hips and kick them off your feet. Your fingers immediately dive back into you and you groan, thinking about his hand yanking your hair back and exposing your neck to him.

In your fantasy you say something, anything, the words are garbled nonsense in your mind. But he laughs cruelly, a far cry from his high pitched giggle that you love so much.

“Don’t be stupid, darling,” he spits, and your legs fall open to let your fingers in further, the top of your palm coming into contact with your clit. Your hips cant into your hand, your throbbing pussy aching for more friction, more heat.

“Fuck me, Astarion, make me yours,” you whine instinctually, his name sweet and bitter on your tongue. Your conscious mind recoils – do you want him to call you stupid? You’re already insecure about that as it is.

Fantasy, your subconscious coos. It’s just fantasy. You take a deep breath and give yourself permission to keep going.

He traps your naked body with his, caging you in without a means of escape. His eyes glint with something feral, like a predator, as he buries his nose into your hair. You squirm and moan for him, the line between fantasy and reality blurring. His fangs scrape across your jaw as his words spit rapidfire into your ear.

You precious little thing.

You’re mine, remember?

I shall lock you in a room and keep you all to myself.

You’re going to be wonderfully obedient.

Your fingers slide out of your cunt and you move their ministrations to your clit, rubbing in quick, small circles as his imaginary voice rattles in your brain. Your feet push against the mattress, pressing your hips into your fingers as you desperately chase release. Every part of you aches to be held down by him, his cold hands gripping your wrists as he fucks you senseless. His palm slapped across your mouth to muffle your cries of pleasure. His fangs deep in your neck as his cock thrusts even deeper.

Your hand stutters as it tries to keep pace with your fantasy, yearning to feel every inch of him across your body. Your stomach tightens and your pussy clenches and you come in a crashing wave all over your hand. You continue stroking yourself through the end of your climax, eventually succumbing to stillness. The only sensations you feel are the slowing throb in your cunt and your breath wracking through your lungs.

You let your hand linger in the sticky mess between your legs, turning your head to face the flickering orange light from the candle.

What do you want?

You’re very good at asking me that. I’m not sure you’re good at answering it yourself.

So… what do you want?

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iamknicole · 1 month

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Chapter Eleven

A/N: I'm on a roll, yall! Enjoy! Please remember to ⭐Comment, reblog & share⭐

Warnings: Slight mentions of abortion, cursing, physical violence. TYPOS. 18+ MINORS DNI

Masterlist

Chapter Ten

Saturday had rolled around quicker than Zilla would have liked. His first go round in therapy was mandated, though he did learn a couple things he didn't take much from it. The therapist they paid him with wasn't a good match and they wouldn't let him swap. But this time his therapist was someone chosen by a loved one. While he trusted Kamille's decision he wondered how this therapist would be. She had told him that he could take Moriah but with everything that's transpired between them, he figured it wouldn't be a good idea to take her.

The suede sofa felt good under him, he rubbed his left hand back and forth on the arm of the sofa. Dr. Barnes sat in the matching chair across from Zilla awaiting the answer to his question.

“If you don't wanna answer, we can circle back to it at the end of the session, Mr. Fatu.”

At the sound of his name, Zilla's eyes moved from the sofa to his new therapist.

“Can you ask it again?”

“Sure,” Dr. Barnes chuckled, “What landed you on my sofa?”

Zilla's eyebrows rose for a second. “You want the long answer or the short answer?”

Again, he chuckled. “For the sake of time, since we have a shorter session today you can go ahead and give me the short version.”

“Short version is Pops died when I was little and I just found out I had a kid, they dead too.”

“I’m sorry to hear about your father and your child. Which one would you like to talk about first, Mr. Fatu?”

Zilla scratched his face, chuckling. “You can call me Zilla, man. You ain’t gotta call me mister. But uuuh I guess Angel.”

Dr. Barnes nodded, giving the younger man his undivided attention. “Zilla it is. Angel is your child, I’m assuming. Boy or girl.”

“Boy.”

“How old?”

He rubbed at his nose, deflating against the suede material. “I guess you could say 12 week or sum’ like that.”

Dr. Barnes studied his reaction with a slight brow raise. “Tell me about the circumstances.”

“Uuh, my girlfriend she found she was pregnant after I got locked up and when she was 12 weeks I think, her mom made her,” he paused rubbing his hands together, “She made her get rid of the baby.”

Dr. Barnes wrote a few things down.

“You said that you are just finding out about his passing so no one told you when it happened. How did that make you feel that no one told you?”

He sat quietly for a few minutes then shrugged. “I mean I was pissed at first that they hid it from me.”

“And now?”

“I get it. They weren’t not tellin’ me at first cause they ain’t know how but they were gonna tell me. Then when that bi–that lady did what she did, they felt like it was Fat place to tell me and she was scared to tell me.”

Dr. Barnes wrote a few things then looked up with a smile on his face. “Fat?”

“Oh, Moriah, that’s my lady.” He informed him with a proud smile on his face. “Wanna see her?”

Dr. Barnes chuckled out his response then sat his notepad aside so he could lean up. He took Zilla’s phone, a smile on his face while he studied it for a moment then gave it back.

“She's beautiful. Who else is in the picture?”

“Thank you. Our niece and my mama,” he said, glancing at the screensaver before putting it away.

“Have you and your mom talked about the circumstances with Angel?”

“Not really no. Like for a second but nothin past that. I wanted Rye to be involved when we talked and she's finally off today.”

Dr. Barnes smiled. “Today is the day then. How does that feel? From the picture it seems you and your mother have a good relationship.”

His smile was back again. “Yeah, we do. It got better when I got out. I feel kinda nervous.”

“Tell me about that.”

“Cause me and Fat talked to each other about it and I talked to one of my brothers but it's different with our parents. Well my mama and her dad.”

“You think you're gonna hear something that might make you emotional or you think she's gonna tell you something that you and Moriah may not already know?”

“Is both a good answer?”

Dr. Barnes leaned up, resting his arms on his thighs. “There's no right or wrong answer. Whatever answer you give is the answer, Zilla.”

He nodded slowly stroking his chin hair. “Then both.”

“It's okay to feel nervous or apprehensive to talk about something as long as you do it. Going through with it is the focus. Make sure you're open to listening to what your mom says and that you get whatever questions out. If you feel like you might forget, type them up on your phone.”

“Yeah … maybe, man.”

Checking his watch, Dr. Barnes steepled his fingers, pointing his index fingers at Zilla. “You almost made it through your first session. How do you feel about making this a regular meet up? I promise if you're not comfortable, I'm okay with that. You can't heal and grow properly if you're not comfortable.”

Zilla thought for a second, making the commitment of talking about his feelings every other week made him nervous. The question echoed in his head a few times then his mind went to his relationship and his family.

“I'm coo’ with that.” He answered with a small smile. “We can do that.”

“Great, great. So I'm going to give you a little homework.” Dr. Barnes chuckled at his frown. “You act like I'm about to assign you geometry homework or something. It's something easy and you don't even have to write anything down.”

Zilla laughed a little sitting back up. “My bad. Homework ain't ever been my thang.”

“Mine either,” he chuckled. “Your homework is for you to plan something for you and Moriah to celebrate Angel. Doesn't have to be extravagant unless you want it to be. Just something. Sound good?”

Zilla scrunched his face a little. “Like something fa kids?”

“Whatever you think is appropriate to celebrate you and Moriah's son. Something that you can look back on and always think of him. Okay?”

“Aight, I can do that.”

“I know you can. I’ll see you in two weeks, can't wait to hear about what you planned.”

After therapy, Zilla stopped by a floral shop and a bakery he passed on the way home. He eased into their apartment, sat her gifts on the coffee table then followed her voice to their bathroom. Moriah rapped along to her music as she finished up her skin care routine, Zilla stood in the doorway watching her with a smile on his face.

“That's yo shit, huh?” He laughed seeing her jump. “How you scary listenin to thug ass music?”

“You're gonna give me a heart attack, Isayah!”

“Naaaah,” he laughed, going to give her a kiss, “You'll be aight.”

Pulling him closer, she kissed him a few more times and hugged him. “Oh whatever. How'd it go?”

“Went good, Auntie picked a good one.”

Moriah clapped excitedly then grabbed one of her moisturizers from the counter. She squeezed a little bit into her hand. “So you're gonna go back then?”

“Yeah, ima go back, Fat.”

“Tell me about it.” She dabbed a bit of the moisturizer onto her fingertips then started to massage it into his face, “Girl or guy? Old or young? Me or them or you?”

He laughed trying to get away from her hands. “Mane, what is you puttin on me?”

“I thought you were losing your thick ass accent but I see it's still there,” she joked. “Moisturizer. Now answer please.”

“I don't need that.” He complained allowing her to continue. “Man, older, you. Aight na, you don't gotta squeeze my cheeks like that.”

She giggled while still doing it. “You squeeze mine and I don't say nothing.”

Grabbing her hips, Zilla pulled her closer to him then slid his hand to her butt and squeezed.

“Cause you like that shit. Duh.”

“Isayah,” she squealed, “Stop that, I'm tryna help you moisturize.”

“I already got my own moisturizer, I don't need that.”

She stared at him. “Boy what moisturizer you got? I have never seen you use moisturizer. I have to put everything on your face.”

“You know what moisturizer I got, Fat.”

“Nope, I don't. Tell me.”

His eyes met hers, glanced down briefly then back up with a smirk on his face. She stared at him for a moment before it hit her.

“Why are you like this?”

“Like what?”

“Nasty for no reason.”

“It ain't for no reason,” he laughed, “It's all to make you happy so say thank you.”

Laughing, Moriah stepped away from him to the sink to wash her hands. Not one to be away from her, Zilla moved to stand behind her, staring at her through the mirror. Her eyes met his for a brief moment making her smile.

“Zay,” she called out softly.

He hummed out a response.

“I don't know if you know this but,” she paused to turn the water off and dry her hands, “There's no other place I'd rather be than here with you.”

Her heart swelled watching the tint rise to his cheeks as his smile spread across his face. It wasn't often she was able to make him blush so when she did, she enjoyed it. Pulling her closer once again, Zilla put his face in her neck kissing her there then lifted his head to look at her through the mirror.

“You sure?” He asked softly.

“Of course, I am.”

He kissed her face a few times. “I got you something. Come on.”

Moriah allowed him to lead her out to the gifts. Immediately she went to the flowers, inhaling their scent and gently caressing their petals. Zilla quickly snuck a couple of pictures of her.

“They're so pretty, Zay. I love them. You picked them?”

He scrunched his face playfully. “What I get if I say yes?”

She laughed softly looking over at him. “The same thing you'd get if you had help.”

“Mmm then yeah, I did. I did good? I think I remembered all the ones you like.”

She nodded, moving her eyes back to the flowers. “You did. All that time I thought you weren't listening to me but you were.”

“I tell you all the time, even though I wasn't actin like it all the time, you was and is the most important to me, Fat. I listened to everything you said to me.”

“Promise?”

“I promise, girl. I mean it.”

She tilted her head back and puckered her lips at him. He put a hand on her throat, pecking her lips a few times. They held each other's stare for a moment until she stuck her tongue out at him making him laugh.

“Silly ass, I got you something else. I'm surprised you ain't see it first.”

She frowned a little, turning to look. “Ooooh that's a bakery box. What you get me?”

“Open it and see.”

She eyed him before turning to the box that sat on their coffee table alongside the vase of flowers. She slowly opened it, excitedly wiggling when her eyes landed on the contents.

“I haven't had good red velvet cake since we left Texas, babe. Wait … is it good?”

He sucked his teeth playfully. “I'm not tryna get cussed out about that damn cake, I wouldn't give it to you if it wasn't, Fat. And I damn sure wouldn't have got you a whole cake if it wasn't.”

She laughed. “I cussed you out one time and you won't let it go.”

He stared at her. “Twice. Both times you went on for a hour and a half.”

“Blah, blah,” she said, picking the box up, carrying it to the kitchen, “You want a piece?”

“No and neither do you.”

“Wait, what?”

He chuckled. “You heard me. You not eatin that right now. Close it up and get back over here.”

She pouted. “But why not?”

“Cause I said so. I know you ain't ate no real food so you not eatin no cake right now.”

The following silence made him chuckle. Quietly, he crossed their apartment to the kitchen. He watched her try to quietly cut a piece.

“Moriah,” he called out sternly.

She jumped and pouted. “Just a little piece.”

“What I say?”

Rolling her eyes, Moriah closed the box lying the knife across the top and slid her feet over to him. He kissed her head ignoring her pouting.

“Think you my Daddy,” she mumbled as she walked past him.

He laughed. “I know I am cause you told me. Get in that room so we can call Mama.”

The couple laid across their bed with Moriah's iPad in front of them waiting for Leata to answer their facetime. Zilla bothered Moriah while they waited.

“If you lick my face again, I'm gonna bite you.” She warned.

Zilla paused for a second then laughed as he leaned in to lick up her jaw to her cheek. Grabbing his face, Moriah pulled him closer and bit his cheek just as Leata answered the call. She sat quietly watching them, glad they were in a good place still. Laughing, Zilla pulled away from her grasp and wiped his cheek.

“Don't lick me again, Fatu.” She laughed.

He leaned forward and licked her lips. “You say I don't listen anyway so.”

“Isayah, stoooop.” She laughed, wiping her lips. “You so annoying.”

“But you love me,” he laughed, leaning over to do it again.

“Zilla, what are you doin to her?”

“Making her laugh, Mama.”

“No, you're annoying me,” Moriah corrected, laughing. “Tell him to leave me alone, Ma.”

She chuckled softly. “Behave, Zilla. How are you two?”

“I'm aight. How you?”

“I'm good, son. Rye, how are you?”

“Well,” she said bumping Zilla, “I was good till your son started bothering me. And he wouldn't let me have any of the cake that he got me. He's being annoying and mean.”

Leata looked between the two of them. “Why can't she have cake?”

“Cause big head ain't ate real food since last night.”

“Rye, its what,” she paused to look at the time, “Almost 2 and you haven't eaten yet? You need to eat before all that sweet stuff.”

Moriah pouted. “Yes ma'am but only cause you said it and not him.”

Zilla mushed her head playfully. “Either way you ain't gettin it right now.”

“Alright, are yall ready to talk?” She asked stopping them before they could start arguing. They nodded putting their attention back on her. “Okay so where are we starting?”

Moriah nodded for Zilla to go.

“Um when yall found out Fat was pregnant, did you and her people talk without her?”

“We did. We actually spoke a few times. Rye, you don't know this but Hassan knew before you told him. You said you wanted to tell the two of them at the same time but you and I were going to need him as an ally while you told Nadine.” She explained. “When he got in town, I had him come to the house first so I could talk to him. He understood my point of view and he was glad that I had told him prior to. His main concern was the two of you and the baby.”

“Wow … thank you. I didn't even think about that.” Moriah admitted.

“Of course, manamea. While Rye were in school, the three of us got together to discuss the whole situation. It was made clear that no one was to say anything to you until I figured out how to tell you. Surprisingly enough, Nadine agreed to that but knowing what she did that's probably why.”

Zilla nodded, rubbing over his chin hairs. “Anything else?”

Leata thought for a few seconds. “Just that even though the timing of the pregnancy wasn't ideal, Hassan and I were never mad at you two. A little disappointed but we were honest with ourselves,” she chuckled, “We saw it coming from a mile away. We thought it'd be a little later but we knew.”

Moriah and Zilla looked at each other then back at the screen.

“Knew what, Ma?” She asked with her brow raised.

“That there was gonna be a pregnancy or a scare at some point in high school. We knew it.”

Zilla scrunched his face up. “We wasn't even datin then.”

Again she chuckled. “You two never put a name to it but yall were. You went on dates, you were always cuddled up on my sofa, in your bedroom with the door closed and locked and sneaking out together.”

The couple laughed softly.

“We wasn't doin nothin that most of that time. Not till later.”

“Oh trust me, son.” She laughed. “I know when yall started. I just didn't say anything. You didn't wonder why all of a sudden your brothers were giving you condoms and talking to you?”

Zilla laughed thinking back about it while Moriah sat mortified with small giggles escaping her.

“I'm embarrassed,” she declared. “I told you, Zay.”

He laughed. “You was always scary anyway so I ain't pay you no attention.”

“Any other questions for me?”

Moriah looked to her boyfriend for his response.

“Uuuh … after Fat told you what happened, what did you do?”

“Well first I went to pray,” she chuckled humorlessly, “Because if I didn't, I knew whatever I would've done would not have been good. I consoled and talked to Rye until she had to go back home afterwards I went to my bedroom and I cried. I called Arthur to tell him, he was livid. I had to keep him from going to see Nadine. And then you ended up calling me, Isayah. You usually never called as late as you did but I remember you saying something was telling you to call me so you did.”

Zilla tried hard to remember that call, he could recall certain parts of the conversation but not all of it.

She continued on.

“It was hard to act like everything was okay but I had to because I knew it wasn't my place to tell you. I could assist Rye with it but that was all. Plus telling you while you were in there would not have been good.”

Moriah reached over to wipe the few stray tears from his face. He sniffed a few times.

“I appreciate y'all for carin enough about me not tell tell me then cause I prolly would've got more time. I woulda caused hell in that place.”

“And that's what we didn't want.” Leata said softly.

Zilla leaned over, kissing Moriah's cheek then whispered for her to go ahead. She nodded, starting to play with her fingernails.

“I gotta tell you something else about this whole thing, Ma.”

“I'm listening, Rye. Whatever it is, it's got you nervous. You only do that with your nails when you're nervous.”

She smiled a little, trying to stop clicking her nails. “After everything, I kept asking my mom for information. I wanted to know if she knew the gender and what they did with my baby afterwards. Then finally she told me that she had the gender and she had them cremate the remains. And she said the only way I was getting any of that and my sonograms was under one condition.”

“Which was what?”

Moriah bit her lip, fighting the urge to cry. “I had to get my tubes tied.”

Leata frowned, leaning in a bit closer. “You had to what? Cause I know Nadine did not.”

“I had to get my tubes tied, Ma. I wanted what I had left of my baby so I agreed.”

Leata's face was set in shock on the other side of the facetime. There were so many words that wanted to come out but she was unable to say a thing. Moriah asked Zilla to pass her the baby blue box from his nightstand, when she got it she held it in view for Leata to see. Zilla rubbed soothing circles on her back.

“She just had him in this ugly carton thing so I used the money that my dad had given me for something else to buy him this. He's gone everywhere with me even college,” she chuckled softly.

Trying to process everything, Leata brought her hands to her face for a moment. She allowed her tears to fall freely as she stared at the screen.

“He?”

“Yes ma'am,” Moriah tilted it a bit to show where his name was engraved at the top. “I was having a boy. I named him Angel.”

“Oh, Rye. This just makes what she did that much worse. It wasn't enough that she made you abort Angel but then continued to use him to manipulate you and pretty much take away the chance to have another.”

Zilla and Moriah sat quietly listening to her come to terms with everything.

Leata took slow deep breaths. “That is an evil woman that neither of you need to be around. I know that's your mother, Moriah but you have done all you can do. There is no saving grace for her and you will not give her any. Do you hear me?”

“Yes ma'am.”

“I am so sorry that she did that to you, Rye. If I would've known I would've done something to stop it. Does Hassan know?”

“I know, Ma. No, I never told anyone until now so only you, Zay, my mom and me know.”

She nodded. “Well no one will find out from me, that is your business to tell. I um I need to go. I love the two … the three of you so much. Call me or text me if you need me.”

Zilla noticed the look on his mother's face and got concerned. “You good, Mama? You look pale.”

“I'm okay, I'm okay. Just processing. I'm gonna go.”

Without waiting on them to respond, she disconnected the call. Moriah closed her iPad case then rolled onto her side to look at her boyfriend.

“She is not okay.”

“She ain't,” he agreed. He grabbed his phone sending out a quick text, “I told Arthur to go check on her.”

“She looked pissed. I'm pretty sure if not now, in the next few days she's gonna go see my mom.”

Zilla thought then shrugged. “Nadine need her ass whooped anyway. She get what she get.”

Moriah laughed, “You not wrong but Ma do not need to be doing that. We don't want her to get in any trouble.”

He huffed loudly. “You right but Nadine still need her ass whooped. I guess text Auntie Kami too but that would mean you gotta tell her.”

Moriah tapped on her phone, sighing softly. “The good thing about Auntie Kami is I don't need to tell her right now and even though she'll find out in the midst, I can still talk to her about it later and she'll be okay with it.”

Zilla gently pushed Moriah back, making her lie on her back so he could put his head on her chest. She reached one hand down to rub his head while she continued to text.

“I'm proud of you, Fat.”

“What did I do?”

“Everything. You went through all that plus her basically torturin you till I got out and you stood ya ground. You strong baby.” He praised softly. “You got a good ass heart too. I ain't gon let nobody else play with that shit or you. Zilla got you.”

“And Fat got you. You know I do not play about you.”

He laughed a bit. “Shit, I know. Remember ole girl you beat up at that skate party? Made that girl piss herself.”

Moriah busted out laughing, almost dropping her phone. “I did not.”

“Yeah you did. I remember,” He laughed “I remember cause when you realized it got on your hand, you punched her ass in the mouth.”

“Cause that shit was nasty. If she couldn't hold her bladder she shouldn't have started with you.”

He turned over to look at her, a smile on his face. “I thought you said you ain't do that?”

She stared at him trying not to laugh. “Okay, fine, I did. But in my defense I was only doing what Pops, Ejay, and your cousins taught me to do.”

“They did not tell you to make nobody piss they self, mane. You did that.” He laughed now sitting up.

“They did so. They said make sure whoever I fight is leaking by the end. They never specified what kind of leak.” She shrugged playfully. “Point is, I won, she apologized and never bothered you again.”

He shook his head at her, still laughing. “And that's why I tell people not fuck witchu cause they don't want them problems. And I don't either.”

She swatted at his arm after she put her phone down. “Don't tell people that. They gon think I'm mean.”

He pushed his lips to the side staring at her. “That ain't a secret, Fat. Everybody that know ya ass know you mean as shit. You only nice to your patients, Mama, Hassan, and Toni. And I really don't think you that nice to Toni, I just ain't seen it yet.”

“Aht. I am nice to her. She's not nice to me.”

“Damn,” he called out, “That mean she meaner than you. Yall was meant to be friends.”

Moriah sat up and launched herself at him, he grabbed Angel's box moving it to the nightstand then wrapped his arms around her. He laughed as she landed playful jabs to his torso.

“Since I'm mean, I might as well beat you up then, Fatu.”

“Now you know the only one of us that gets beat up around here is you,” He joked, tickling her sides making her giggle uncontrollably. “Now say sorry.”

“Zay! Zay, stop!” She yelled in between giggles.

He continued his playful assault on her sides through his own laughter. “Say sorry and I stop.”

“Okay! Okay! I'm sorry!” She yelled.

He hummed not stopping. “That ain't enough. Am I your daddy, Fat?”

“Zilla, I gotta pee!” She giggled.

He laughed still tickling her. “Then you better answer me. Am I your daddy?”

She fell over giggling. “Yes! You're my Daddy! Stoooop!”

Laughing, he let her go. He watched her jump off the bed and run into the bathroom closing the door behind her. She yelled from behind the door.

“You get on my nerves, Fatu!”

He grabbed his ringing phone and put it to his ear. “Love you too, Fat! What's up, Jon?”

“The hell is yall doing? Yelling in my ear.” He asked, talking just as loud.

Zilla laughed putting the call on speaker. “Nothin, man. What's up?”

“Checkin to make sure yall still coming this weekend. Trin made me call cause she said if her favorite cousin not here I'm gon be in trouble.”

“Ayyye, I'm the favorite. Tell her we gon be there.”

Jon laughed. “She wasn't talkin about you, man. She was talkin about Moriah.”

He sucked his teeth. “Just for that tell her, I'm comin but Fat stayin home.”

Moriah came out of the bathroom and went back to the bed, leaning against Zilla. “I'm not staying home. If I don't go, you don't go.”

“I can go places without you, big head.”

“You can but you can't go visit them without me.”

He looked down at her. “Why I can't?”

She stared back at him. “Jon gon let you live with him?”

Jon laughed, interrupting them. “Damn, she sound just like Trin. Always tryna put us out over a lil jokey joke.”

“Cause yall not funny.” Moriah fired back playfully. “We'll be there, Jon. And I want the same room, Trin told me it was mine.”

“Lil girl, how you just gon claim stuff in my house?”

“Huh? You said you want me to tell Trin you being mean to me?”

“Maaaan,” he drug out playfully, “Aight fine but you gon tell Sefa why he can't have that room.”

Moriah squealed, “My second favorite Fatu man is gonna be there? Why you didn't tell me before?”

Zilla frowned. “I better be the first favorite.”

She scrunched her face. “Ew, no. Arthur's my first favorite then Sefa.”

“And what number am I?” Jon asked.

“Uuuuh let's see …. There's Arthur, Sefa, Zilla, Jacob, Ejay, you and then Naio.”

“Now wait a damn minute,” Jon called out, “I'm number six! Why am I so low on the list? What I do?”

“And why am I number three?”

“Jon, you're never on my side just like Naio so that's what yall get,” she explained quickly, “And you're number three because Arthur spoils me and Sefa always took my side and the both of them always check on me.”

Both men sucked their teeth.

“Aye, Zay, we gon jump Sefa this weekend. Traitor.”

Zilla laughed. “Hell yeah.”

“But aight then. Text me what snacks and stuff yall want for the weekend so I can add it to the list. Call if yall need anything.”

“Bye number six!” Moriah joked.

Job sucked his teeth. “Just for that, no snacks for you.”

“Bye, man.” Zilla chuckled, ending their call. “Fat?”

“What, big head?”

“I'm really number 3?”

She nodded, smiling. “Yup but you're my number one Fatu in the non platonic way.”

“I'm the only non platonic Fatu you got.”

She huffed playfully. “Boy, just take the number one spot and hush.”

After her shift, Moriah changed out of her work clothes and into her regular clothes then went to the ED to wait on Toni. She watched the older woman check in a second patient in the last ten minutes. Bronco, Zilla and Moriah had finally convinced Toni to come to a show and see him wrestle.

“Nurse Bryant, it's fifteen minutes past your shift.” Moriah called out looking at her watch.

Toni finished up with the patient then turned to her friend. “I couldn't just stop what I was doing, Rye. I'm coming, give me a second.”

“We're gonna be late if you don't come on. We still have to stop by your house to drop off your car and for you to change, go to mine to drop my car off and uber to the show. Bring your butt on.”

The handheld monitor went off again interrupting them. Before Toni could check it, Moriah snatched it and passed it to the nurses relieving her, who had been trying to get it. They had a short conversation then Moriah pulled her friend from behind the nurses station and towards the doors.

“Wait, wait, my purse.” Toni called out trying to go back.

“It's in my bag, let's go. Cause if I miss my man because of you, me and you are gonna need a ref.”

When the friends got to their cars, Thomas was sitting on the hood of Moriah's car. Toni rolled her eyes and Moriah stayed to dig through her purse.

“Why are you sitting on her car? Get off.”

Thomas smiled. “Was just waiting on her. No harm done, Toni.”

“Yet you're still sitting on it,” she clocked with a tilt of her head.

He waved her off putting his focus on Moriah. “Can we talk, Moriah? It won't take but a second.”

“You have until I find what I'm looking for to say whatever it is you wanna say to me and I believe I told you to call me Nurse DeBreaux.”

“I just wanted to tell you that I'll love you and wanna be with you regardless of us being able to have children. We can try and if it doesn't work, we can always adopt. I really want to give us another try, I've matured. I'm not the same person I used to be.”

“Found it,” she announced triumphantly and pulled her pink taser Jacob had given her years ago from her purse. She moved closer to him, putting it near his crutch. “If you ever sit on my car again, call me anything but what I've told you to call me or bring my medical information up again, I won't be the only one who may not have kids. Am I clear?” She pressed the side making it spark for emphasis.

Toni stood back laughing to herself.

He jumped a little. “Whoa, I'm just tryna make amends. It's bad enough you might not have kids, don't want you to be alone on top of it.”

“Why do you assume I'll be alone, Thomas?”

“Look at all the kids in that family. If you can't give him kids, he's not gonna stay when he finds out.”

Moriah chuckled. “Get the hell off my car, Thomas. You got five seconds.”

He jumped off the hood, taking a few steps back. “Just think about it, Mo.”

“You are so lucky I got somewhere to be. Stay away from me and I mean that shit.” After he jogged off, Moriah turned her taser off and threw it back in her purse. She passed Toni her own purse. “I'll follow you to your house. We gotta hurry.”

Forty five minutes later, the friends made it to NXT Arena at Full Sail University. They walked around the backstage area looking for their other halves.

“Haven't you been here before?” Toni asked, looking around.

“Yeah twice but both times he was with me. Let's just ask somebody.” Moriah looked around then spotted what looked like a friendly face. She approached the woman, tapping her shoulder. “Sorry to bother you but we're kinda lost.”

She smiled looking at the two of them. “Well I hope I can help. I'm literally like two almost three weeks in. What are yall looking for?”

“Catering. We're supposed to meet someone there.”

“Now that I can find. Follow me,” she laughed, starting to head in that direction with them. “I'm Gia, by the way.”

“Nice to meet you. I'm Moriah and this is Toni.” Toni gave a polite smile and wave when Gia looked over at her. “What do you do here, Gia?”

“Journalist but in basic terms, I do backstage interviews.”

“Sounds cool. And you don't have to get all sweaty and thrown around so that's good.” Moriah joked, ignoring Toni’s mimicking.

“That's the best part,” Gia agreed, stopping in front of catering, “Do you see who you're looking for?”

Moriah and Toni looked around for a few seconds. Toni nudged her friend's arm and pointed.

“I see them over there.”

“Where?” Moriah asked, frowning.

Toni pointed, “Right there. Left corner. I know you see Bronco's tall ass and Zilla.”

Gia's ears perked up at the mention. “I see them. Come on, I'll walk yall.”

“Uuh, we got it but thank you, Gia.” Toni frowned.

Gia laughed it off. “No worries plus I hadn't had a chance to speak to them today. They're always on the move.”

Gia walked in front of them, leaving the two friend's to exchange looks before following her. Moriah mumbled under her breath a bit.

“Oh my gosh, Zilla! Look who I found wandering around,” she announced putting a hand on his arm.

Moriah didn't miss the grimace on his face as he looked in Gia's direction. He moved her hand then noticed Moriah and Toni. Bronco rolled his eyes accepting Toni's hug. He whispered to her that Gia got on his nerves. Zilla smiled widely at Moriah going to hug her.

“What's up, Fat? What's up, Toni?”

“You didn't tell me your sister and her friend was coming, Zilla. I could've met them at the gate for you since you and Bronco had them wandering around.”

Toni laughed under her breath looking up at Bronco, who rolled his eyes again.

“Sister? Do me and him look alike to you?” Moriah asked, confused.

Gia laughed, clasping her hands in front of her body. “I'm sorry, I was assuming. Cousin then?”

Zilla pulled Moriah into his side, placing a kiss to her temple. “She not my cousin. This my lady, mane. And we got them. We good, Gia.”

“Oooh this is your girlfriend? He really loves you, girl. Every time I talk to him, he mentions you.”

“I wonder why,” Toni mumbled.

Moriah smiled looking between them. “Good to know, Gia.”

Gia patted his chest a few times then let her hand linger there. “He's a tough cookie to crack but I think I'm wearing him down. We're gonna be friends. And don't worry, I'll keep an eye on him for you. These girls around here can be a bit much.”

Before Zilla could, Moriah pushed her hand off of him.

“Yeah I can see that about the girls,” Moriah sassed tilting her head. “Just a little thing to keep in mind about him … he doesn't like to be touched by people he don't know like that and I don't either.”

“Noted, girl. I'll make sure they keep their hands off of my friend.” Gia smiled at Zilla and Bronco then moved to hug Moriah and Toni. “Enjoy the show. Ooh come find me afterwards, we can go get drinks.”

Moriah turned to stare at her boyfriend, who held his hands up.

“Fat, I ain't do shit. She can't take a hint.”

Bronco nodded. “He ain't lying. He literally gives her no indication that it's okay for her to even talk to him and she still do it.”

Moriah folded her arms. “She better learn how to take a hint or she gon have a problem that she don't want. Talking about some damn sister or cousin. She knew I wasn't either one of those.”

“She did,” Toni agreed, “She was trying to be messy.”

“And had the nerve to put her hands all on him like I'm not standing here. She lucky I ain't break her damn hand.”

Toni clapped her hands. “Girl, seriously. She was trying you. Being all bold like, I can imagine what she does when you're not here.”

Moriah groaned inwardly. “And she better hope I don't ever find out cause I will beat her ass and then ima beat his ass.”

“And then ima beat Bronco's ass,” Toni added.

“Wait, I moved her hand just like I do any other time and tell her to stop. Why I'm gettin my ass beat?” Zilla asked.

“Ion even like that girl and I tell her to leave him alone. I shouldn't be gettin my ass beat.” Bronco stressed.

“Just so yall know we not nothing to play with,” Toni explained with finality.

Moriah nodded. “That part.”

“Listen, me and Bronco not worried about that girl. We dodge her ass and whenever she do catch us, we keep it short. Right, B?”

Bronco nodded. “Right.”

“It better stay that way too. I don't mind beating her ass, Isayah.”

Zilla nodded her face then her lips, holding her body against his. “I know you don't. Don't worry about her, she ain't important.”

“Mmhm.”

“Oh! Rye almost tased Thomas’s nuts off.” Toni announced with a chuckle.

Zilla looked at Toni then his girlfriend. “Not that it matter but why?”

“He was sitting his ass on my damn car and was tryna talk to me about being together,” she explained, “Then I told him if he ever sat on my car or brought what he brought up again, I wouldn't be the only one with fertility issues.”

“Good job, sis.” Bronco praised excitedly. “But next time do it. Teach his ass.”

Toni hit his arm, chastising him.

“You know when he work next?”

“Why?” She asked, staring at him.

“Do you know, Fat?”

She nodded slowly. “Yeah, Thursday same time as me.”

“Aight, yall go head to your seats. We'll send somebody to get yall before the show over.” He pulled her closer, kissing her slowly. “I love you, fat head.”

She laughed softly. “Love you more, Fatu. See you later, Bronco.”

Bronco hugged and kissed Toni then smiled at Moriah. “Aight, sis. Yall cheer loud for me and my boy.”

The men watched their girlfriends leave catering before turning to one another. Bronco's smile widened with a mischievous glint in his eye.

“What time I need to be ready Thursday?”

Fortunately for Nadine, Kamille was able to detour Leata for a couple of days. Knowing her sister's work schedule, she invited Nadine to her house Wednesday afternoon for a snack and to talk. Kamille left the detail about Leata coming out to ensure her sister came.

Leata and Kamille had been sitting in her living room since Arthur dropped her off thirty minutes prior. The two waited on Nadine's arrival.

“Which one of your babies was that, that dropped you off?”

“Arthur, my oldest. And he was not happy that I wouldn't let him stay.” She chuckled.

Kamille laughed. “Yeah, he didn't look happy. Rye told me that he's the only brother that knows so I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that he's on the list of people that aren't happy with my sister.”

“He's definitely on that list. I don't blame him … just thinking about it makes me so angry. She was 15 years old, a baby.”

“I've been giving her shit about the way she's been with Moriah for years and she tells me the same thing every time. That she can do what she wants with her child.”

Leata rolled her eyes. “Same crap she's said to me.”

The door opening and closing momentarily ended their conversation. Nadine called out for her sister then followed her voice to the living room. Her smile slowly dropped into a frown as she went to sit on the love seat.

“You didn't tell me there would be a third wheel, little sister.”

Kamille smiled. “Seems like you were the last one here so you're the third wheel, big sister. How are you?”

“I'm well. How are you? Hello, Leata.”

“Same, Nadine.” Kamille answered, nudging Leata.

“Hi, Nadine.” She greeted stiffly.

Nadine hummed at her. “How is your son treating my baby?”

“You would know if she were still talking to you,” Leata chuckled, “He's treating her the way he's always treated her, like a queen.”

“Queen of what? The hood?”

Kamille jumped in to stop them. “Nadine, cut it out. Don't get sassy because you know she's right.”

“Kami, why am I here? I've been working all day and I am too tired for this.”

Girl,” Kamille scoffed, “You worked two hours today, you not tired. Anyway Leata wanted to talk to you and I am here to facilitate. Don't be your usual asshole self either.”

Nadine rested her elbow on the arm rest, moving her attention from her little sister to Leata. “What would you like to talk about, Leata? What can I do for you?”

Leata counted backwards from ten in her head before responding. “I'm just gonna jump right in, I don't have the patience to beat around the bush. You made Moriah get her tubes tied?”

“Yup.” She answered popping the ‘p’. “Anything else?”

“Anything…. Anything else? Are you kidding me? You don't see anything wrong with making a 15 year old girl get her tubes tied? She was a baby, Nadine.”

She smiled at her former friend. “No, I don't see anything wrong with making hard decisions for my child. She was a baby that didn't need to be having babies so I made sure she wouldn't.”

“Birth control was an option, Nadine.”

“Wasn't gonna do what I needed to be done.”

“What if she never able to have kids again? Does that even make you feel a little bad?”

She shook her head, a slight smile on her face. “Knowing that she'll never have a child with that child of yours brings me joy and a sense of accomplishment. And if I'm as lucky as I think I am, he'll break up with her.”

“Nadine, what is your got damn problem with me and my kids? You went from being one of my best friends to my enemy.” Leata yelled while sitting up on the sofa.

“You and your kids are just like that husband of yours.” Nadine yelled standing from the love seat. “I didn't realize it until after his ass killed over.”

Leata stood as well, pointing her finger in Nadine's direction. “You better be careful with the next words that come out of your mouth.”

“Hmm well let me take a second to think about what I wanna say about you, your husband and your kids.” Nadine paused dramatically. “Your husband always had his ass in my family's business, in my husband's ear about this and about that. Thought it was just him but you and your damn kids are the same way. You took your husband's spot in my husband's ear and your kids are in my daughter's ears.”

“Hassan and Moriah know how to make their own choices! We did not make them do anything they didn't wanna do, Nadine!”

Nadine rolled her eyes. “Oh sure. They just happened to make these stupid decisions after talking to one of you Fatus.”

“Oh please, Nadine. I'm glad you think so highly of us that we have that much control but sorry to tell you it's complete bullshit.”

“I'm not my daughter or my husband, I'm not falling for that.” She chuckled. “As bad I felt when your husband died, I was glad cause I thought I was finally getting control back of my family. But then the manipulation and interference didn't stop.”

Kamille stood at that. “Nadine, you're going too far. Stop that.”

“Oh I'm just getting started,” she spat, laughing. “I don't think I'll have to wait that long to get control back and have my baby come home to me. That child of yours is following in his father's footsteps literally so it won't be too long before he joins him. Now that's a funeral I would pay good money to sit front row at.”

Leata's right arm reared back then forward with as much force as she could muster connecting with Nadine's left cheek. There was so much force behind her slap, Nadine lost her balance and hit the floor. She held her cheek, opening and closing her mouth trying to check her jaw. Kamille stepped in front of Leata. Pushing her back gently trying to calm her.

“That was the last time you will ever talk about my kids or my husband! If you ever talk about them again like that it'll be your funeral we're sitting front row for!”

Slowly, Nadine pushed herself up onto the love seat. She heard Leata but the pain in her face and jaw kept her from responding. There was a slight ringing in her ear as well that wouldn't go away.

“Breathe, friend. Breathe. I got her, you go call Arthur.”

Leata glared at her old friend as she left the living room, mumbling to herself. Kamille stared at her big sister wondering how the sister she used to look up to turned into this person. They were fifteen years apart but at 38, Kamille felt like she had much more sense than the 53 year old sitting in front of her today.

“Why would you say that to her? You can't really feel that way, Nadine.”

Nadine winced a bit when she opened her mouth. “You know I don't say things that I don't mean.”

“I don't know that but I do know if you say things to hurt people to get the upper hand. You wished death on her kid. That's not right.”

She chuckled. “What's not right is her family breaking up mine.”

“Their family didn't do a damn thing but love you, Hassan and Moriah. Although it's clear that they wasted their love on you. You and you alone broke up your family.”

“If I didn't know any better I'd swear you were drinking the Kool-Aid too.” Nadine smirked as best she could. “So tell me which Fatu are you sleeping with? Hmm let me guess … Jacob. He was always fond of you.”

Kamille frowned at her big sister. “Me and Jacob are friends, basically family like the rest of them and you know that. You just say anything to avoid accepting fault. Mama didn't raise us like that.”

“How would you know? I was damn near grown when you were born. You don't know shit about how I was raised.”

Kamille sucked her teeth, “I know enough to know that she raised us both the same way. You need to stop this before you get to a point where it can't be fixed.”

“I don't need to do anything but call the police.”

“For what, Nadine?”

“I'm pressing charges. She assaulted me and you witnessed it.”

Kamille shook her head.

“You are absolutely not. If you call them, I'm calling Mama and telling her what you did to Moriah and what you just said to Leata. And I know no matter how old and bitter you are, you do not wanna deal with a pissed off Trenice Parker. Do you?”

Nadine stared at her sister for a few moments then huffed loudly. “Go get me a ice pack, don't just stand there.”

Knowing how her son felt, Leata waited until they got back to her house to tell her how the meet up had gone. He then spent thirty minutes going off about Nadine and debating on going back to Kamille's to finish what his mother had started.

“You know you gotta tell Zay and Rye, right.”

She shook her head. “No, they've already got a lot going on. I'll tell them just not right now.”

“Mama, they need to know now. Especially Rye. This not nothing to keep to ourselves.” Arthur stressed kneeling in front of her while she sat on the sofa. “She better hope I don't see her in public.”

“That right there is why I don't wanna say anything. Your brother is gonna react that same way.”

“And he should, Mama. Her bitter ass wished him dead. You don't say stuff like that.”

She closed her eyes, taking a few deep breaths. “Okay fine but this is gonna hurt Moriah.”

“Whether you tell her now or later, it's gonna hurt her, Mama.”

Begrudgingly, she facetimed Zilla. A part of her hoped he didn't answer so she had more time. Her hopes were dashed when she saw his smiling face and heard Moriah's voice in the background.

“Aye! Stop hitiin’ me, Mama on the phone and ima tell!” He laughed. “Mama, tell this girl to keep her hand to herself.”

Arthur moved to sit beside Leata, putting his face in the frame.

“What did you do to her, son?”

“I … ow, your lil hands hurt, mane. She offered me cake and now she mad cause I ate it.”

“Nah uhn! I offered him a piece yesterday and he ate another piece today!” Moriah yelled.

“He sorry,” Arthur suggested, “Right, Zay?”

Zilla frowned a bit, pulling Moriah into a loose headlock. “Uhuh, right. My bad, Fat. What yall got going on?”

Arthur put his attention on Leata, silently urging here to go on.

“I wanted to tell you two that I went to Kamille's to talk to Nadine. And it didn't go well.”

Zilla moved him and Moriah to their sofa to sit down. Moriah got comfortable against his chest.

“What happened?” Zilla asked, looking between his mom and brother.

Leata looked at Arthur then back at the screen. “It didn't last long, I'll say that. We got into a spat, she said some ugly things and it escalated.”

“What did she say?” Moriah asked softly.

“I asked her about what she made you do and she said she was proud of it and felt accomplished.”

It was heartbreaking to see the residual joy leave Moriah's eyes. Zilla pressed a kiss to the top of her head. Leata waited for her to respond, when Moriah didn't she continued.

“She also said some things about your father and your brothers but mostly you. Things escalated,” she sighed, “I'm not proud of it but it ended in me slapping her.”

Zilla's brows raised.

“What she say? Had to be bad for you to do that.”

Arthur realized she wasn't going to be able to say it so he stepped in. “She wished death on you, Zay then Mama slapped her.”

Moriah sat up immediately, pushing herself off the sofa but Zilla held onto her waist with one hand.

“Fat, sit down. Come ‘ere, man.”

She shook her head, roughly pulling herself from his grasp. “No, I can't. I can't.”

Leata spoke up. “Let her go, Zilla.”

He huffed watching her walk off to their bedroom. “The hell I do to her for her to say that?”

“I'm telling you that you did nothing to deserve having someone say that about you, Isayah. You could tell that woman to have a good day and she would swear you cursed her. You hear me?”

He nodded starting at the closed bedroom door. “I hear you, Mama.”

“Isayah,” Arthur called out, getting his brother's attention, “Mama told yall that so yall would know what that lady got going on not to cause a setback between the two of you.”

He nodded again.

“Go do what you need to do.”

Zilla disconnected the call as he got up from the sofa. He went to listen at the bedroom door for a moment before going in. Moriah laid with her face in her pillow, crying softly. Going to her side of the bed, Zilla kneeled there and rubbed her back.

“You meltin again, Fat?”

She shook her head, not lifting it from the pillow, followed by a muffled ‘no’. He smiled a little, nudging her over so he could see her face.

“It look like you meltin’, baby.”

“Just a little,” she said softly.

“You don't gotta melt over that. Zilla ain't goin nowhere, Zilla gon stay right here with you to get on your nerves.”

She nodded, sniffling softly. “Promise?”

“Zilla promise. What can I do to make my lady stop meltin?”

“A kiss maybe.”

He chuckled, leaning up to kiss her. “Better?”

“Mmmm … maybe one more.”

He kissed her again. “Now?”

She shrugged. “I kinda feel better. A snuggle would probably make it all the way better.”

“Whenever you ask me to snuggle, you end up tryna do more than snuggle, Fat.” He pointed out getting up from the floor and climbing into the bed behind her. She moved her body back, closer to him. “See? You already startin’.”

She laughed softly. “Just getting comfy. Plus ever since Zilla threw his condoms away, he hasn't wanted to snuggle with me anyway.”

He laughed in her ear. “We both been tired as shit, Fat. My bad.”

“You never cared about me bein tired before.”

“That's cause I wasn't tired.” He kissed her neck a few times. “I promise to snuggle with you next time. Aight?”

“Pinky promise?” Moriah proposed as she lifted her pinky up.

He linked his pinky with hers.

Since they were leaving for Tampa as soon as Moriah's shift ended, Zilla dropped her off at work Thursday morning. She had long forgotten about Zilla's inquiry into Thomas’s work schedule so she didn't question him taking her to work or warn him to not do anything bad. Moriah liking to be thirty minutes early to her shift worked out in his and Bronco's favor seeing as the friends made it to the parking deck minutes before he did. Unbeknownst to him, he parked his Audi between Bronco's truck and Zilla's challenger. When he stepped out of his car, Zilla was standing at the back of his car startling him.

“What's wrong? Why you so jumpy, mane?” Zilla laughed.

Bronco crept up behind him, slamming the driver side door for him. “He act like he seen a ghost or sum.”

Thomas jumped again looking between both men.

“There are cameras in here.”

Zilla looked up at the cameras, smiling even wider. “You mean them right there? I wouldn't count on them workin.”

“Naaah they definitely outta order, my guy. Kinda like yo ass,” Bronco added with a chuckle.

“What do you want? I need to get to work.”

Zilla moved closer to him grabbing his collar to shove him against Bronco's truck.

“Wait, why he not hemmed up against his own car?” Bronco asked, frowning.

Zilla ignored his friend, maintaining eye contact with Thomas. “Moriah told me yo ass still botherin’ her and if it's one thing I can't stand is somebody that don't understand no especially when my lady say it. She asked you one too many times to leave her alone so now I gotta step in.”

Thomas struggled to get out of his grasp but his strength was nothing compared to Zilla's. “It's not that serious. We were just having a conversation.”

“A conversation that she told you she ain't want which mean she said no to your ass.” He spat, pressing his forearm into Thomas’s throat. “This the one and only warnin you get from me. The next time you see me or my boy it won't be to talk.”

Bronco stepped forward and leaned down so they were sure level. “And if you don't keep this lil meeting between us, you'll see us sooner than that. Comprende?”

“Sis! I been missing you!”

As soon as Moriah and Zilla stepped inside the house, Trinity ran to them engulfing Moriah in a tight, bear hug rocking them from side to side. Jon and Zilla watched them with frowns on their faces.

Jon hit his cousin's arm. “Uce! I missed you!” The two of them hugged mocking their women.

Trinity sucked her teeth. “This why you number six. Get on my nerves.”

“They just jealous cause nobody ever misses them.” Moriah rolled her eyes playfully. “Everybody else here or we early?”

“Yall late as hell.” Jon fussed loudly. “Should've took off like uce told you to. Lucky I ain't give ya room away.”

Moriah laid her head on Trinity’s shoulder. “My favorite cousin wouldn't let you do that.”

“And won't. Everybody in the backyard, come on.”

Trinity pulled Moriah along with her while Jon and Zilla followed behind. They talked softly and briefly with each other until they got to the patio. Moriah scanned the backyard, squealing when she spotted Jacob and another cousin on the grill. She ran to jump on his back.

“Jacob! I missed you!”

Laughing, Jacob sat the spatula he was using down and backed away from the grill. “Damn, girl, I missed you too. You almost took us both out.”

She got down, laughing and fixing her shorts. “I haven't seen you in so long. I missed my buddy. I don't have nobody to get on Zay's nerves with.”

“Shit, we got all weekend to make up for lost time, sis.”

“Yall asses is not about to get on my nerves all weekend unless her big head ass wanna get left here with you,” Zilla declared approaching them. He slapped hands with both of his cousins. “Fat, you remember Josh. Right?”

She nodded, moving to hug him. He barely returned the hug but she didn't notice. “Hey Josh. Of course I remember. He's the twin that's not annoying, the good twin.”

Josh nodded his head at her, mumbling out a greeting then turned back to the grill. Jacob noticed how their cousin acted but realized Moriah and Zilla didn't.

“Aye, sis, there go Sefa. Better get to em before mean ass do.”

Zilla frowned playfully. “I'm mean ass? You know her ass meaner than me.”

Moriah stuck her tongue then ran over to Sefa, jumping on him the way she'd jumped on Jacob. Zilla let his cousins know he'd be back after he spoke to Sefa. Turning back to the grill, Jacob nudged his cousin.

“What's up with you?”

“Nun man, I'm cool.”

Jacob started to flip the burgers. “I would believe that if you don't just give that girl the cold shoulder.”

Josh shrugged, focusing on the chicken. “Ion like her. I ain't think he'd stay with her this long.”

“You don't like her? Moriah? Moriah that's been around since they was kids?” Jacob asked with his face screwed up. “Why you ain't like her?”

Josh looked over at Moriah with his family, his lips turning up at the sight of them being happy and friendly with her. “She ain't right for uce. He deserve better.”

“Better than Moriah? She the best thing that ever happened to his mean ass.”

“That's what yall think.”

Jacob scratched his head looking over at his family then back at Josh. “Ion know man. You gon have to explain that one to me later on. But word of advice, chill on the attitude with her, that boy ain't right in the head when it come to her. He protect her heavy.”

Josh waved him off. “We'll see.”

#aao #zilla fatu #zilla & moriah #the samoan dynasty #the bloodline

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azure-cherie · 1 year

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Some astrology observations part 5 💗

Helloooo the year is about to be over I've been so absent since some time how are you doing, hope the season has been giving you a good time , please note that I'm not an astrologer and all of these are observation based and for fun, some of the stuff could be wrong please take into account what you can relate to . My observations are based on sidereal measurements :)

Base your skincare routine on the basis of your mercury and Venus placements.

Though mula is supposed to be very agressive they are are actually quite feminine, they usually forgive people very easily but don't fall into their bad books or else you're done i swear 🤡.

Uttara Phalguni's are literally those women who hype other women up so much in ngos and for women empowerment they are always down for helping us lift up.

Chitra women have so perfect lips and jawlines omg 😭.

Shravanas love to talk , at times they talk too much and regret it , get ready for long rants if they feel comfortable around you .

Moon or Jupiter dominance might give you a romantic or a theatrical romantic body type. (Kibbe). where's Saturn or sun will give you a dramatic one .

Shatabhishas are usually the classic or gamine .

Angelic essence can be found in gemini , saggitarius women.

Sun sextile moon : cooperation towards fulfillment of dreams , balance between mind and soul , this will make you a very nurturing human and very intuitive, will make you kind and very giving to the people around you.

Jupiter square Saturn : since jup is about expansion and is in square with Saturn the planet of restrictions . This could give one old Hollywood type of melancholy, as well as beauty, although I'm not sure about this but , this aspect is shared by : Marilyn Monroe, Lana del rey , Cindy Crawford, Janet Jackson, also to point out the tragic trajectories of their life , sensuality that arrives with placement.

Venus trine saturn : it can give one broad shoulders, A line body too , it is a very it girl placement , bad bitch placement , could also cause karmic relationships and transformation and learning through relationships.

Node conjunct moon : it can give you wide eyes , you will be intuitive as well , with this placement you can easily see through anyone , their darkest desires , however if you aren't stable enough this might make you conscious paranoid etc.

Sun conjunct Venus : Happy go lucky people, often others fall in love with them because of their friendliness, they are the personification of a sunshine , it makes one very known among the peers too . It could also indicate having a warm skin tone , high cheek bones.

Neptune trine mercury: i have a friend with this aspect she said when she studies too much during exams , she recalls stuff in her dreams . This could also be a placement for creativity, you could be into surrealism, dream interpretation as a hobby .

Pluto trine moon : often have an isolated childhood, although some people love them , they love them with conditions and due to them being so intuitive they get to know it , which makes them feel lonely, however as they grow they get used to it , or find friends like them , they're very good at comforting sad and traumatized people , could go into field like therapy.

Rohini women really don't give a fuck i swear they have this thing of their thinking being higher than their feelings, they definitely do have feelings but they dont let it over power them being in control keeps them above . They believe in home made remedies for skin and healthy life , very much into self care .

You are going to attract the sign in your 7H a lot but i don't necessarily think that is the sign you are going to marry so don't mistake it , sometimes it could be karmic as well your spouse is kind of a mix of your darakaraka , 7H lord placement and your D9 7H lord placement, that doesn't mean that you should avoid people with sign in your 7H but it means that see for yourself for me personally it doesn't work . But i do have a lot of people in my life with my 7H sign as their moon sign in my life .

It you're feeling creatively blocked you could share or tell about it to the someone with the sign of your 5th H as your moon sign or the sign of your 12th H as your moon sign ( 12 as it's an indicator of our subconscious and your daimon aka creative genius ) it may help you , if you're feeling spiritually blocked someone with your 8th H placement or 12 H placement as their moon placement could help you , your Jupiter sign could also help you in some way or other now it doesn't mean they would come and heal things for you , but the healthy act of sharing concerns and seeking help and genuine communication also works wonders.

Mercury dom people i met say they feel guilty it they don't study 😭 damn can't relate 😂i can go on for days without studying academically.

Not people with Rahu placements telling everyone they are selfish like 💀.

Libra moons love buying stuff like stationary and makeup but they know how to carefully buy without wasting their money , they invest in the right places.

Jupiter retrograde in 5H can teach people creative arts for remedy , oftentimes they might feel delayed in love and they feel people don't love them or 😭 they are undeserving of love , please it's not like that , give this some time .

Krittikas are some crazy people , very poised but very crazy it's like they have barriers you need to cross but once you do omg it's a rave party going on in their mind .

Oftentimes the women with moon Nakshatras in their big three feel they're not pretty like I've seen their faces look different at different times , a camera can't really capture the beauty of a moon placement person , the same can be considered with a sun nak person . They will compliment everyone but not take their own compliments 🤡 .

Once you have fallen in the eyes of a Purva Bhadrapada you're done expect nothing, you did what you did now they will either ignore or use sarcasm to end you . Jupiterians don't really seek revenge .

Hecate(100) is the Greek goddess of wealth , daily life blessings , magic , witchcraft , mediumship , divination , she's capable of both good and evil and your placements may show where you can accept the evil side of yours and develop it with correlation to your light side of yours to tap into your gifts and take their help as you March forward in life.

Sun in your hecate persona chart relates to your gifts you acquire as you clear up your karma , as you connect more to your soul purpose the more you realise that you have these issues and you have to deal with them , as you do more shadow work , if you have this asteroid aspecting your sun in your natal chart the placement in your persona chart could show how you develop/ embody the gifts , for example mine falls in Saggitarius 2nd H it means i should share my gifts while i travel , gain more wisdom , teach others to connect more to my gifts , it could also mean i could connect easily to the elemental power of the sign , i always loved fire so much (⁠｡⁠♡⁠‿⁠♡⁠｡⁠) . Likewise in Taurus it could mean you can develop your abilities by connecting more to your feminine essence , skincare , being in your receptive energy etc , in gemini engaging in valuable discussions with people , communicating your feelings, connecting to your throat chakra , heal it you have underactive or overactive chakra energy points . Moon in your hecate persona chart reveals about the gift you already have , what is the type of intuition you have , how you feel about your gifts, the basic things you can acquire through your, gifts , how you can achive daily emotional balanve with it , like someone with moon in 1H may be good at spells related to appearance change and manifestation, 2H /4H protection , nurturing healing, 6H reiki , 8H sex , revenge, 12 H could relate to transcendence and connecting more to spirits.Mercury in your hecate persona chart represents your approach to your craft in terms of initiation, it could relate to your items that you use , your affirmations that you say , the text that you write down , someone mercury in gemini or 3 H might place a sigil in their hands for better and faster protection or other purposes, similarly 8H might be helpful with affirmations that are related to sex and magic .

If you're pursuing photography asteroid 443 photographica might be something you should look for , go for micro photography if aspecting mercury or pluto, for professional high definition photography look for aspects with sun and Saturn , blue Aesthetic photography would be good with moon or Jupiter , etc .

Thank you so much for reading 💟 have a great day ahead ��.

#please let me know if my tags are working #vedic astrology #sidereal astrology #astrology #astro community #sidereal zodiac #astrology readings #astrology placements #astro notes #astro observations #astrology community

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olderthannetfic · 8 months

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I had an incredibly odd moment last night at an event night for my dorm. Basically this girl and I were the last people left painting after everyone else had finished, the conversation was going well, and then she mentioned fanfic and how cringy and bad it was. Confused by my fellow nerdy type disliking a core part of nerdery, I admitted that I wrote fanfic, that I loved canon-divergent AUs and I wasn't sure what was wrong. "It's equally fictional either way," I said, which she did seem to pause and think about before acknowledging that was true.

Then she clarified the problem was Boku No Hero Academia. (For full transparency, I have not watched it. Confused, I said, "Isn't that just some shounen series? What's wrong with that? I like shounen." So then she hits me with, "The fandom is gross. That write things that shouldn't be depicted or portrayed." I stared at her, confused. "Like pedophilia."

I admitted, because I felt comfortable with her, that I had written fanfic about CSA and a survivor finding hope for the future, a therapist, true love and his abuser eventually getting his comeuppance. She looked at the painting and not at me. I couldn't tell if she was mad or not. So I added that, over the course of the year and a half of writing it, nine people had told me that reading it had helped them either decide to seek out therapy or helped them realize what happened to them was abuse and that it mattered. And I think it's worth it to make something that makes someone uncomfortable if it helps other people out, and also, the back button is right there. No one has to read something.

Looking upset but affect flat, she said that BNHA fans write things that "glorify" pedophilia. And I, because I am a dick with no social skills, went, "Well, don't read it." She clarified it shouldn't be allowed to exist because it "does harm to people". I said that abusers are responsible for abuse they commit, and nothing they read makes them do it. Psychologists, I reminded her, since several people in her family are psychologists, study and witness things much more horrible than we can imagine, which abusers often say are necessary, justified and sometimes kinda cool, and they don't do any of it. Stephen King didn't commit any murders as a run-up to writing about murder.

She went back to staring at the paint and said I didn't understand the harm it was doing, because it was normalizing it. So I pointed out that no amount of movies where killing the bad guy is a cool, glorious, badass thing to do has made murder socially acceptable in society. "But that's killing," was the objection. "Which is violence," I said in return, "just not sexual violence. But if a hundred years of killing the person who wronged you in cinema didn't make people fine with murder, I don't think a fanfic is going to make it that way." She scoffed and looked away. In a gentler tone, I finished with, "I don't think all of the socialization someone goes through in life and everything they've been told in their entire life can be undone by some anime characters."

She did not say anything to me for the rest of the painting time. She left without a word. I thought for sure she was angry with me and we weren't going to take anymore.

Today, she smiled and waved at me on campus like everything is fine and nothing uncomfy happened.

I don't understand. I am, however, neurodivergent, and therefore bad at social signals, so I may be missing something, here. She was never visibly angry at me when we talked, nor did she raise her voice, so I don't think that I was awful, here. However, not saying anything to me for a full forty minutes or even looking at me indicates to me I had said something that made her upset.

Neurotypicals, please advise. What is going on, here?

Well... probably she just had her dumb assumptions challenged and wasn't sure how to feel about it in the moment.

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mochablogger · 2 months

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★ You seem lost, hold my hand and I'll show you the way! ★

★ Intro:

☆ Hi hi hewwo! You're talking to Mocha (full name: Mocha Cuppy) and lemme tell you what else you could call me!! (Note: try not calling me by my full name at times <3)

Cuppy

Cupster

Cupperoo

Len/Leni (Reserved for close users only)

Violet (Reserved for close users only)

Honey Cuppy (Reserved for @moonsprout-sys only)

Cupid (Reserved for @trashbins-stuff only)

Candybon (Reserved for @roastymarshy only)

Roomie + Dandelion (Reserved for @rubixisanidi0t only)

Violet Cream (Reserved for @not-bluboy only)

Any other silly nickname you could come up with! (Moots only; ask first before using!)

☆ Pronouns!!

She/they/xe <- xe/xem is most preferred!!

Heart/heartself + cupid/cupidself (Reserved for @trashbins-stuff only)

☆ I am a minor so let's be appropriate here <3

☆ I'm 🇰🇼!!!!

☆ I'm commonly known as 'the ourple goober' :3

☆ I can speak: English, Arabic, French (a little bit), Korean (a little bit) and Spanish!

☆ I study astronomy, geography and biology!! ^^

☆ I am a digital/traditional artist, animator, VA and writer! <- Silly author of 'The Traumatized Cup'

☆ I am sensitive and can get upset easily. Please don't upset me; you will NOT like the result.

☆ To make our conversation friendly and more understandable, please use tone tags! (They really help)

☆ My happy day is on 16 Feb mehehe >:]

☆ I'm a multi-fandomist and I am very ✨random✨. I am socially awkward soo yea :)

☆ 100% needs therapy 💯

☆ I am bound to disappear for a period of weeks with no explanation 😇

☆ I'm non-binary, demigirl and queerplatonic!!

☆ I play badminton and chess (woah who taught you that??)

☆ @moonsprout-sys is my platonic partner, @blairdrawzstuff is my bestie and @trashbins-stuff is my best buddy >:] I LOVE ALL OF YOUU /p <3333

☆ Dooble requests are still open but as for custom OCs they are closed because I have enough requests and once they are finished I'll resume :]

☆ I've finished 46% of the comic for @the-dreamcatchers-series 💥

☆ I know how to drive a car accurately but I don't have a license :] and btw how come I didn't crash my dad's car??? /silly

☆ I'm claustrophobic in irl (I've fainted in my bus twice) and I'm also prone to get airsick (I've never travelled on the sea before so I never got seasick tho :])

☆ I love to cook n read in my free time :3

☆ My blog is sfw and can be viewed by all ages!!

☆ I swear a little bit while venting or when I am upset I hope you don't mind 👉👈

☆ Wanna make fanart? Tag #fanartforcuppy and @ me!

★ Reference sheet for my objectsona !!

This will be updated as time goes by!!

More sillay stuff below! ⬇️

★ Fandom list

The Object Show Community (OSC)

Murder Drones

The Owl House

The Amazing Digital Circus

Solarballs

Countryballs/Polandballs

Animation Vs Animation/Minecraft

The Henry Stickmin Collection

Sonic the hedgehog

Among Us

★ DNI (Do Not Interact) list

NSFW (Not Safe For Work)

People who are neutral/against Palestine

Pedophiles, zoophiles and necrophiles

S3xual and religional themes

Porn bots/any type of bot

Racists

Homophobes and transphobes

Proshippers

Zionists

If you match with any of these things mentioned above, kindly fuck off or you will be immediately blocked.

★ Common tags

#cuppy art - artworks digital and traditional

#cuppy doobles - silly doobles that mean ABSOLUTELY nothing

#cuppy asks - asks about my well-being

#cuppy requests - request drawings

#cuppy animation - animatics and animation <- barely doing any lol

#cuppy ramblez - watch me talk like bla bla bla

#cuppy reblogz - reblogs

#roomiez lounge - used when talking with my fellow Roomie, @rubixisanidi0t!!

★ Other blogs (still in the making!)

@mochablogger - Main blog; you're currently here!

@the-dreamcatchers-series - The Dreamcatchers' Site!

*This intro is still in progress. Thanks for reading so far! You now may let go of my hand.

#pinned intro #pinned post

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rocknluvy · 1 year

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dead poets and pets headcanons! their childhood/family pets, favourite animals, and what pets i think they would actually 'end up' with

neil perry

have you seen thomas perry? have you heard him speak? neil did not have a childhood pet. i think he really wanted a dog as a kid, but after a while of his father refusing, he would resort to asking for a fish or a hamster. his father's answer did not change absolutely adores the welton dog and always tries to sneak him treats and headpats and hugs and kisses and- he's just full of love yk he also seems like a fan of rodents? like guinea pig, hamsters and such,, he absolutely gets a dog after welton [more in todd's section]

todd anderson

the andersons bought jeffrey a cat for his fourteenth birthday it's a korat, his name is benjamin and he's a huge jerk -to everyone but todd. so it's more of todd's cat than anyone else's. todd loves cats overall, he enjoys how they just are, and finds their presence calming. once he moves out he takes benjamin with him and literally no one tries to fight him on this. also i think later in life he and neil would get a therapy dog to help todd deal with his anxiety, and neil with his trauma/depression. every once in a while one of the poets might feel down too, and todd's more than happy to let them 'borrow' the dog i feel like he would find arachnids fun, but his parents find them gross, and neil's is afrad of them, so he wouldn't ever have one

knox overstreet

idk why, but overstreets just feel like a crusty white dog named coco family. also his younger sisters have a rabbit! also i think him and charlie both used to do horseback riding as kids, as some sort of summer extracurricular?? anyways, yes, his family bought him a horse,, which is a totally standard thing to buy your child. he's not all that into horseback riding anymore and would let his siblings have the horse knox definitely loves dogs, and would have a golden retriver methinks just has that vibe

charlie dalton

his family have a bengal cat which he loves. he manhandles the shit out of that bastard and the cat doesn't really mind. the cat's name is orion, but really? it's Bastard. also his family owns horses and there's at least one that charlie dumbass-proofed (basically got it used to tolerating him as he does increasingly dangerous things around it) (idk if that's actually possible, i don't know anything about horses other than they look kinda cool) (idk why but the visual of charlie riding a horse like a skateboard cannot escape my mind i simply had to share). definitely a dog person, though he doesn't strike me as a guy that would actually have a dog? at least just on his own, he could have one with someone (a bf maybe? a bf named steven meeks even?,) he loves dogs, but having a whole creature depending solely on him is not a good idea.

gerard pitts

dog person. obviously he just seems like a guy that would enjoy going on long runs it's bc he's tall with long legs and what can make a run better? a dog he had a childhood dog that was already pretty old when he was born.. anyways! they got a him a german shorthair to celebrate him graduating middle school totally not bc he was heartbroken he probably wouldn't try and relocate the dog once he moves out just to not stress him out he might get a turtle though, he looks like a turtle guy

steven meeks

meeks' family has a miniature poodle. she's very well trained and steven deff treats her very politely. like- 'hello, would you like a treat, ma'am? of course, just do a spin first please?,, there you go, thank you :)' <- no babytalk or anything like that, he seems like a guy who just talks to animals like they're human all the time overall, but he's extra polite to her he feels like a,, calm dog person. like he enjoys their energy and likes having an excitible furry friend, but doesn't run around them or like match their general chaoticness also i feel he might get a gecko <3 just a lil' guy to sit on his shoulder while he studies/works <3

richard cameron

my lifelong hc for cameron's family is that he has some grandparents and cousins living on a farm, that he spends half of every summer with, doing typical farm things,, like caring for farm animals,, like cows,, and with that comes 'cow person' cameron headcanon he has his favourite in the herd for sure that he's just best friends with :) she has huge eyes and she listens to him rant, she's the best obviously one cannot simply own a cow as a pet, and since they're his favs he would probably opt out to not have any pets. scratch that i just thought about him having a chicken as a pet and am endlessly amused by it. he has a pet chicken

#dead poets society #dead poets fandom #dead poets headcanons #neil perry #todd anderson #knox overstreet #charlie dalton #steven meeks #richard cameron #anderperry #neil x todd #meeks x charlie #dalmeeks #starlie #mazzy.txt #live now

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tellodona · 4 months

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hii, from the heat sensory issues anon (loved it btw)

may i request the brothers with an mc with dyspraxia/DCD? i’ve never seen anyone cover it before so just curious about your take on it and stuff

i'm glad you liked it !

i searched it up and it intrigued me, so let's how this would turn out

the brothers with an mc who has dyspraxia / dcd

heads up: gn!mc, spoilers for lesson 16 in belphie's additional info: dyspraxia or dcd (developmental coordination disorder) is a neurodevelopmental condition that starts in childhood that makes the person have difficult time doing motor skills (such as walking, closing your buttons on a shirt, etc.)

lucifer

informed beforehand through your files

at first, only helped you for diavolo's reputation, but now helps you willingly

your uniform is closed with a zipper, he doesn't require you to wear a necktie (but if you want to, he'll make sure he'll be help you or have one of his brothers do when you want the help)

takes you out on short walks to help you get accustomed to the newer environment that is the devildom

obviously gives you easier tasks or chores, but if you want to help out more, he'd supervise you

"mc, let me help you with that" "mc, you shouldn't carry such heavy things. please, let me" "mc, put that broom down right now or so help me-"

helicopter mom

mammon

the info about you is basically drilled into his head

he has to ask satan what dcd means though

at first, he's annoyed that he has to babysit a clumsy human, because how can you be such a klutz? are you stupid-

he absolutely pampers you the next day

he'll have your arm hooked around his whenever you walk together, insisting that you need all the help you get

would still want to include you in his shenanigans, but has been choosing the easier things whenever he's with you

"human, the floor's slippery, hold my hand" "'c- course i'm only doing this because i need to, alright?! don't go getting the wrong idea!" "mc, forget that assignment and hang out with me! me! you're only getting your back strained the longer you sit there!"

he'd purposely get lazy with his tasks just to hang out with you

leviathan

doesn't care at first

"normies and their weaknesses"

he felt like an idiot for how he acted back then

he finds you characters that you can kin

"hey, you know about-"

he ends up ranting up to 3 hours about whys and hows you and said character are the perfect mirror

doesn't know how he'd be able to help you tbh, but he'd probably serve as a crutch for you if you need one

"mc... are you supposed to carry that?" "i don't know about this one, mc..."

he would sew you easier to wear clothes though

satan

has studied that human condition before, at least

so when the human exchange student living with them had it was a surprise and a big coincidence

he really wouldn't bother with you at first, just starting with the "do you need help?" questions just to be polite with you

later on he'd help you without even asking

he'd tie your necktie, your shoelaces. heck, even your hair if it's long enough so it wouldn't get in the way of your eyesight

he's read physical therapy might help, he'd be taking you on short walks too. even letting you help out in the kitchen for little tasks like putting the onion on the stove

"oh, mc. care to help me in the kitchen? you can wash the bat wings this time" "hm, this might be too hard for you. no, don't even try to deny it"

helicopter mom 2

asmodeus

he'd coddle you too much at first tbh

he'd stop if you express distaste or that you're uncomfortable

that wouldn't stop him with helping you around, though. at some point

"oh, mc, mc! let's get beel to carry this, shall we? we're both so frail and i wouldn't want us both to get hurt!"

he'd probably have a few remedies that he thinks might help you, but would consult lucifer or satan first if they're safe for humans

"mc, dear! i found this lotion that might help you! don't worry, lucifer says it's 100% safe!"

"i didn't say it's a hundred percent safe, asmo."

"oh, hush!"

would give you massages

beelzebub

he'd think you're completely paralyzed at first

so the first thing that occurred to him was to put you on his shoulder the first time you two met

"don't worry, lucifer. i can carry them"

"beel, no-"

eventually puts you down after much convincing that you're not a fragile doll

thinks you might get stronger if you eat a lot

"mc, try this one"

absolutely hovers over you and always carry everything you have

"mc, let me do it" "mc, the door's too big for you to push open" "mc... maybe you'd be safer on my shoulder"

he's reminded of the times he used to coddle someone else in the past (that isn't belphie)

belphegor

not only are you stupid, you're stupidly fragile

^ his thought on you during his time at the attic

you were so easy to manipulate, so when he got his hands around your neck-

he wants to stop thinking about that

he avoids you for the most part, thinking he'll hurt you again

you'd have to initiate an interaction with him if you want him to talk to you

when you do, he'd keep a safe distance, but keeps an eye on you if you looked weaker as the day goes on

he'd make sure you'd have the most peaceful dreams so you'd be energized in the morning

he's the literal avatar of sloth, it'd be a miracle if he'd do anything with you

"mc, just leave that alone. let lucifer find it or something" "mc........ let's go back to bed" "mc, i want to bestow the sin of sloth on you just so you would stop moving around so much"

don't use him as a crutch, chances are you'll both fall to the floor

i love them you guys

#belphie keeps on getting the angsty stuff #sorry belph #dcd #dyspraxia #mc with dcd #omswd #obey me #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor

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ajokeformur-ray · 6 months

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Okay, so here's the routine I have been following and want to make permanent:

Wake at 3am

Get out of bed at 4am (the lost hour is for more sleep / x reader fanfics to help me mentally prepare for the day)

4 - 6.15am study (coffee machine & fridge both come in handy here, so I can eat breakfast/snack & caffeinate to my heart's content)

Leave for work at 7am, arrive 7.50am for shift at 8am.

Shift finishes 3pm, get home at 4pm.

Cook dinner/reheat leftovers, do the dishes and other small maintenance chores, shower, brush my hair - takes me to 5.30 - 6pm depending on energy levels/if I cooked or reheated.

6 - 7pm study some more

7 - 8 or 9pm - answer DMs/asks, do some writing, watch TV curled up in bed

9pm - bed.

This is what I stick to as closely as possible. Sometimes after work, I'll go grocery shopping, and if that's the case, then I won't study for that extra hour at home since that will put me 'behind'/I wouldn't get my writing time in the late evening. I also won't study in the evening if I have therapy, though I'll be discharged in a few weeks so I'll be able to drop that from the routine and take up another hour of studying.

On a day off, which I get 2 - 3 times a week (2 if I do overtime, 3 if I just do my contracted hours), then I get up when I feel like it (usually by 7am), and just study and write all day in alternative hourly chunks until I go to bed 8 - 9pm.

I think...? I can sustain this. I think. The studying in the evening is an edition you all helped me with a few days ago and I've been trying it out, but everything except that has been my routine for the last month. I'm eating more, sleeping more, and I don't feel too stressed at the moment?

I think maybe I can sustain this, but I wanted to ask for opinions since someone else might pick up on something I'm missing.

This is hard, but I'm doing my best, I really really am. And if anyone wants to tell me that a fictional beloved would be proud or that you are proud, then please feel free because honestly, I'm hanging by a thread and they're getting me through and so is everyone here.🥺

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thereconstructinggirl · 10 days

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Obligatory Pinned Post

Hey y'all I'm Madeline (she/her). I've created this blog as a way to document my reconstruction journey. I hope that as I write and think that someone who also believed they had to leave because either they are queer or questioning or lost someone dear to them can resonate with my story.

This is a side blog, and I will follow from an old main account called linniewritesficz.

While I often contemplate going to seminary, I only have a minor in Religious Studies. I do not claim to be an expert or a clergy person and will not operate as such.

I believe in therapy, but I am not a therapist. I will attempt to offer advice when I see fit but please always seek out a professional.

I also don't refer to myself as a Christian. This is for many reasons, but I am still very new to my reconstruction journey. This will probably change in the future, but as of now I label myself as a spiritual person.

I am also a practitioner/mystic and am learning how to syncretize that practice into my re-emerging faith. I'm reading a lot about St. Hildegard at the moment.

I am queer. It is a big part of my identity. This is a pro queer pro trans blog, and I will not tolerate any form of homophobia or transphobia.

This is also a pro choice, pro palestine, pro BIPOC, leftist blog. I believe in healthy discourse and respectful discussion, however zionism, islamaphobia, anti semitism, racism, or any hatred/discrimination for people who are historically marginalized will not be tolerated.

I'm so excited to engage on this journey and document it in a way that makes sense for me. I hope to connect with like-minded people and find the community I needed a long time ago.

#progressive christianity #progressive christian #queer christian #episcopal #christian witch #christopagan #christian mysticism #pinned intro #leftist christian #spirituality #spiritual journey #deconstructing christianity #deconstruction #reconstructing christianity #reconstruction #catholic #lutheran #anglican

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zu-is-here · 6 months

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Hi... Sorry for sad rant, beforehand

So, where do you guys get ideas, or help, or something? Like, internet has a lot of info... But I cannot find answers I'm looking for, or learn in general, so it's pretty annoying ...

And it's just...getting worse. I can't get help from family, they lost years raising me and I'm just stuck, not being able to "grow up" and be on my own. I can't find answers online, and I can't get medical/psychological help because it doesn't work (pills doesn't work on me, and therapy is just... You can't progress without talking and my mind just goes blank whenever I sit with the guy. Tried like 4 different ones, no results with any)

I have no idea how did I get through the school, and everyone pointing it out like me being in college is proof that it's not bad is pretty depressing (I'm here only because I barely passed a test, and in a subject that they would probably take in anyone, if they were just going to sign a paper. And even here I am barely making through just because teachers didn't really care and just let people pass).

It's stupid. I know it's just my problem for not getting it, or not trying hard enough, but... I just don't even know where to turn. In the end I just sleep day away or look blankly on the phone or wall. I try to research, or whatever, but nothing sticks in my mind for more than a hour if it gets there in the first place ...

Hii!╰(*´︶`*)╯

You know, the more I read, the more I realize that things are not as bad as it might seem. It depends on your perception and reflects on your attitudes.

I'm in no way minimizing your problem, but before you can get help, you might try helping yourself.

You're growing, you still do, and it's never a waste of time but your personal journey. You did graduate from high school, and you study in college now — that's a fact, and whether it's good or not really, depressing or promising, is only up to you to decide. As well as whether to accept this fact or to change it.

Sometimes you need to take a step, even if you're not ready. You can't start being on your own if you're not on your own now. You can't learn to cook if someone does it for you. Sometimes we learn not because we have a choice but because we have no other choice.

It's not stupid to feel helpless, you have the right to all the feelings, you are a living being. But this is not a dead end. You can get sympathy to feel better, but you know it won't help you to get better.

For your own sake, get out of bed and put away your phone. Start with self-care, move on to cleaning, and gradually expand your to-do's. Do it for yourself ♡

Same goes to getting help: don't expect someone to find a way out for you if you don't help them with it. If you can't talk to a therapist, write them a letter in advance. If you can't describe your problem, start with your feelings. I'm not a therapist and never been to one, but I believe it's a tandem, so take a step forward.

If you want to get an answer, ask the question instead of looking for a place with answers. If you don't like the outcome, start taking actions instead of complaining about the outcome.

Perhaps my words might seem harsh to you, but please, don't take them personally, for I truly believe in you (⊃｡•́‿•̀｡)⊃ You can make a change when you realize that your life, even with someone's help, is in your own hands. ☆

#thank you for patience! ówò #ask #tip

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inkly-heart · 1 year

Note

Hehehehehehe

Muehehehehehehe

Hehehehehehehehe

I'm sorry that you have to see me like this but this is the moment I have been waiting for.

It's time to SIMP for my BOI RICHIE

I have so many questions about him that I'm sure that it goes on from simple ones to scenarios! I prolly got more than 2 batches of questions for him!

So I need to get out the BIG GUNS for this one! I'm sure you met her before! I hope you don't mind!

Forgive me if I went too feral starting from here, Please let me know if you got too uncomfortable, I'll tone it down! BUT IN MY DEFENSE-- /lh

THERE'S NO SHAME IN SIMPING PUBLICLY SHOWING YOUR LOVE TO YOUR SKRUNKLY!

Here we go!

What kind of kid was Richie in school? Does he get bullied?

I heard that he has a bad temper. Once he started to snap, would he be violent? Has his bad temper episode ever got him killing someone?

Can we still be reasonable and persuasive to him when he's mad? Is he easy to calm down?

Does he remember that he killed his father? Or was he experiencing dissociative amnesia?

What happened and where did he go after he burned down his house?

How abusive was his father?

He works on Accounting, but what kind of company does he actually work for? Is it a bank, a business company, an insurance company, etc.?

Is there a possibility that we could teach him how to say no without feeling bad for himself or someone else? As in, teaching him how to stand up for himself?

Has he gone to any therapy or anger management programs?

How does he feel about a clingy lover? Clingy as in very, very, affectionate--

--is he okay?

It's ok^^ I'm happy you like himxDD and sorry again that it takes me so long to reply back ;; w ;; ) I also really like these drawings🙈

1. Richie was one of those quiet ones who focused a lot on studying. He did get bullied but that also kind of stopped at some point when he lost his temper and fought back.

2. When he loses his temper he rarely gets violent.(this only happens if other person is violent/abusive towards him but even then he tries to keep his cool) he haven't killed anybody except his father (that was also more like a self-defense.)

3. He can since deep down he doesn't want to hurt anybody and calming him down is mostly easy.

4. He does remember what happened and that is also the reason why he tries his best not to lose his temper. He doesn't want to be like his father.

5. He left the area and moved to new place where the area is more calmer to get a new start.

6. If Richie didn't do what he told him to do or did something wrong his father punished him.

7. I admit this part I haven't thought much but maybe a bank?🤔

8. It is possible. It will take time when he learns to say no and not feel bad about.

9. He has needed but since he focuses too much on his work he hasn't managed to do it yet.

10. He doesn't see anything wrong about it. He's happy that someone likes him this much.

(I feel I was struggling with words again so I hope these makes some sense..xDD)

#morgan-free-world #ask

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leogichidaa · 5 months

Text

Psychoanalysis Sunday: Winter Interlude

Non-magical AU where Regulus is put in therapy with a psychoanalyst

Part 1 | Previous | Next

"I am going to write to mum and tell her that - "

"You can tell her whatever you like," Sirius snaps. "She isn't going to change my mind and neither are you. I'm staying here for the holidays. I've got something really important I'm working on."

Regulus makes a face. There is no chance that Sirius plans on staying at Hogwarts to work on his studies. He is almost certainly going to engage in some sort of unsavory extracurricular activities with his friends.

"Yes, I am sure whatever it is is of the utmost importance," he says sourly.

Sirius fixes him with a hard look. "It is."

Sirius' expression is surprisingly austere. Regulus' lip curls. "You just want to stay here with your weird, sick friend. I do not understand why he cannot be weird and sick in his own home - or do his parents not want him? I suppose they must not."

"He is not weird, you little arsehole," Sirius growls.

So he is sick, then, Regulus thinks, tucking that confirmation away in the back of his mind. Not that it wasn't already fairly clear that the Lupin weirdo was suffering from something unfortunate, but it was good to know for sure.

"And his parents do want him home because they actually properly love him."

Regulus jumps on the bait immediately. "What is that supposed to mean?" he asks sharply. "Mum and dad do want you home, that is the whole point of this conversation! You are the one insisting on staying here!"

"They don't want me home. They want a - a - " Sirius waves his hands vaguely. "A perfect little doll that they can dress up and show off to all their snobby little friends so everyone can pretend that they're great parents. Like you. They want me to come home and act like you and honestly, I would rather jump off the Astronomy Tower than ever act like you."

Regulus flinches. "Shut up," he mutters, his eyes starting to sting. Sirius can tell his words managed to hit home and he looks savagely pleased. "That is not even true."

"Bullshit," Sirius says. "They say it all the time." He pitches his voice high and nasally in a mocking tone that sounds absolutely nothing like their mother at all, and says, "Why can you not be more like your brother, Sirius? Why don't you behave like perfect Regulus?"

Regulus balls up his fists and clenches his jaw, trying to focus on his anger to keep himself from the humiliating ordeal of crying in front of Sirius.

"Don't get it wrong," Sirius continues. "It isn't because they love you so. It isn't because they think you're wonderful. It's because you're a bloody empty vessel that they can fill with all their stupid ideas because you haven't a single thought of your own."

"Shut up!" Regulus repeats, louder and more determined this time.

Sirius looks at his balled up fists and smirks. "Why, what are you going to do about it? You going to hit me? No, you won't do that. You'll just write pathetic little notes about how much you wish you were brave enough to kill me so they send you to the head shrinker again and you can have all that lovely attention."

"I hate you. I hope you do jump off the Astronomy Tower."

Sirius shakes his head smugly. "Just as I thought. Go and write that to mum, why don't you?" he says, before turning on his heel and walking off.

Regulus watches him go around the corner before letting out a frustrated yell and slamming his fist against the wall, which turns out to be alarmingly solid and distressingly painful.

"I hate you," he mutters again, tears starting to flow down his cheeks now that he is alone. "I hate you so much."

He means it. He really does. He can feel the hot intensity of the hatred coursing through him.

So he can't quite work out why he still wants Sirius to stop being a prat and just come home.

#psychoanalysis sunday #regulus black #sirius black #house of black

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da-proti-toku-grem · 1 month

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just me ranting again pls don't feel like you have to read or anything i just feel like i'll punch smth or someone if i don't get this out of my chest rn

i hate this fucking weird anxiety that apparently no one that i know irl fucking understands bc why does everyone gets encouraging words every time they're feeling anxious but i have to fucking suppress my anxiety (i'm starting to think maybe some of them are even panic attacks but it's not gonna help me to think about the now anyways) attacks bc people think it's stupid and i'm overreacting to normal situations that shouldn't be hard for anyone. and i hate that everyone thinks i have a problem with them like don't you fucking understand that i don't even know how i'm keeping myself alive at this point how the fuck am i supposed to have a problem with you when my own mind alone is a whole problem of its own

like this is all coming bc all of a sudden my parents decided to go out to dinner together (the three of us + my 2 brothers) and i really don't want to go out. fuck i'm crying my eyes out as i type this just at the mere thought of going out i feel like my heart is going to fucking explode if i put a foot outside. and i'm trying- i'm trying to tell my mom that i really really can't do this right now and i know that i have to try, that i have to do stuff so my brain gets the message that it's not bad, so i can get better, but I've barely started therapy 3 months ago and i have to take short steps not full on jump to do the scariest things. and i'm really trying my best to do stuff but today is not the day. and i tried to explain it to my mom but she (like every fucking time) just hit me with the "but why don't you want to go out with us, we're your family". girl is not that i don't want to go out with you, is that i don't want to go out

and then on top of that she was talking with my grandma over the phone and she asked about me (bc she knows i'm not doing well) and i know she's just asking bc she cares about me, but i really couldn't talk to her right now, but my mom saw that i was crying and she tried to pass me the phone anyways and i whispered to her "please don't. i can't talk to her right now" and she just turned around and said "she doesn't want to talk to anyone right now, she's just crying because she doesn't want to go out of the house with us" and really wtf was that bro

now i feel fucking worse because now i've made my grandma feel bad because she thinks i don't wanna talk to her and why tf do i do everything wrong. why tf does no one understands how i'm feeling or at least tries to. why can't i like normal things so i can get along with more people. i really don't want to change myself, i like how i am, but it's so fucking hard to believe in yourself and love yourself when everyone arounds you who claims to love you wants you to change the thing about yourself that makes you you. do they really love me or do they just love the façade i put for them when they're around. i feel so fake whenever i have to change things about myself. but if i don't they always hit me with their "don't wear that or they'll say [x]", " don't do that, that's weird", "why don't you go out like your friends do", "don't sit like that or you'll look like a dude", " you have to have some hobbies outside of your house", "you have shave like every woman does", " you have to start making sport to loose weight", etc etc etc

and i TRY, i fucking TRY to ignore all the comments, to just be the way i am, but what the fuck am i supposed to if no one likes me, they like the version of me they have in their heads, the potential of what i could be one day. but they don't fucking see that i'm fighting to stay alive every fucking day and the mere thought of having to wake up in the morning feeling like a weight is crushing on me. how tf am i supposed to think about the future and what i want to study now that i finally got the courage to tell my parents that i wanted to drop out of uni, when i'm fighting to stay alive

but even like that, i can't put it into words properly and explain to them how i feel and why i react the way i do to certain things because the moment i think about it i start crying like a pathetic baby. so now i'm in my room, crying silently because i can't even cry properly because i don't want to bother/worry the rest of my family. because even if i feel like shit i don't want to worry anyone

i feel fucking horrible and i'm not even capable of facing my own feelings. i just wish i could disappear in a house in the middle of the mountain and never talk to a single person ever again because i feel like i fuck it up every time i open my mouth. i should just shut up forever and never talk again. i'm the quiet girl after all, probably no one will notice anyways....

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