#she wonders why im depressed as fuck yet shes the one that made me this fucking way

[bonespyre]

mom: You need counseling mom: you need medication mom: you need resume help and interview training -none of this happens- mom: its been six weeks you havent gotten a job yet im kicking you out

#shut up bones #cool cool cool #its cool its fine #ive had no help at all since getting here like she said shed help me with #'you havent left your room at all since you got here' #gee i wonder why #totally not like theres nothing around me that would support my interests #or non-expensive opportunities to meet people #or even just a 'life sucks and i understand lets go out together and do something' #why is it so hard to want to be emotionally validated #she wonders why im depressed as fuck yet shes the one that made me this fucking way #im so so so so so sick #im tired im depressed im one bad day from making a bad mistake

[catbooknerd22]

ttpd thoughts

loving fortnight 

the echos in headphones in fortnight>>>>> 

apartment, department rhyme in ttpd is so satisfying 

i also love the “im not patti smith” and all the other artist references in ttpd

WAIT IS SHE CALLING THEM TORTURED POETS?????

“you’d kill yourself if i ever leaved” (ttpd) thats so fucking toxic bro 

i love the beginning of mbobhft

why are so many of these songs so sad/hurtful/heartbreaking and yet the tone makes them a bop

“fuck it if i cant have us” (down bad) why is this kinda relatable and also not- 

lowkey sounds like tay and joes relationship was really toxic 

“i stopped cpr / after all, it’s no use” (so long, london) - it’s def a reference OR the reason for the heartbeat in you’re losing me

i need to play so long london and london boy at the same time and i need for them to match (they prob wont but its a NEED)

the intro to daddy i love him sounds like miss americana eras tour version/the opening of the eras tour when the clock is ticking and then the montage of “it’s been a long time coming” starts

but daddy i love him ??? omg

love the florence and the machine verse in florida

so many florida references in the beginning of the album? then they stop after florida??? tay what is this

also several references to texas 

note that drug problems have been mentioned several times - “my drug is my baby?” - was taylor’s love/obsession with joe like a drug problem and it ruined their relationship that way??

“who’s afraid of little old me? they should be” jaw DROPPED

“i’m so depressed i act like it’s my birthday… every day” (icdiwabh) 

icdiwabh is a bop

ICDIWABH IS MY SONG STOP- “i’m so obsessed with him but he avoids me like the plague” 

icdiwabh also sounds similar to you’re losing me around 2:03

“i was grinning like i’m winning, i was hitting my marks, cause i can do it withe a broken heart” sounds similar to “no one wanted to play with me as a little kid, so i’ve been scheming like a criminal ever since” 

“i’m a real tough kid, i can handle my shit, said baby gotta fake it til you make it and i did” —OMG????

the breath at the beginning of the smallest man who ever LIVED????? LAST KISS TAYLOR IS BACK

taylor explicitly saying fuck you to the person who the song is about- (joe?)- she’s never done that before holy shit

“i dont miss what we had but will someone give a message to tsmwel” - “you go talk to your friends talk to my friends talk to me”

“once your queen had come” - SHITTING ON BRITISH PPL??? LMAO

TSMWEL CHORUS???? STOP- 

she is destroying joe

“who are we to fight the alchemy” - LIKE HOW IF YOU HAVE TOO MUCH OF THE CHEMICAL FORM OF LOVE YOU BECOME OBSESSIVE??? IS THAT WHAT HAPPENED WITH THEIR RELATIONSHIP??? OMG 

clara bow is giving the lucky one x mean

“you look like taylor swift in this light” what????

i love her for name dropping herself

“old habits die SCREAMING” the instrumental there??? genius songwriting. it sounds like screaming 

the black dog entirely is incredible

i relate to imgonnagetyouback so much its a lil concerning 

wait so high school is actually really cute i hope its about travis

it has so many references too i love it 

also, its relatable 

another fuck you in thanK you aIMee?? woah

wait actually thanK you aIMee is really cute 

but also toxic damn

but what is up with the capitalized letters? KIM??? i wonder if that’s the name of the person who the song is actually about - WAIT DIDNT TAYLOR HAVE BEEF WITH KIM KARDASHIAN??? IS IT ABOUT HER OMG

(the prophecy) - “slow is the quicksand” kinda parallels “green was the color of the grass” in invisible string, it’s the same writing style

“even statues crumble if they’re made to wait” - “i feel like my castle is crumbling down”

the amount of parallels - im sure there are some i haven’t noticed, too, jesus

the prophecy hurts 

the bolter is giving elementary school girl who can run really fast and all the boys are in love with her 

#taylor swift #the tortured poets department #ttpd

[s0lar-ch3ri]

out of context things for a fic im reading (its from my mutual, and i might update my unfinished oneshot for gill after...and do a big oneshot seperation lol)

fic link for people who havent read it yet GO DO THAT NOW EVEN IF YOUVE ALREADY READ IT REREAD IT AND COMPLIMENT IT THIS IS ALL ABOUT CHAPTER 5

im adding "This letter is filled with glitter. If you open it you will be too." in some way shape or form into my vocab its beautiful

i honestly thought that jay was gonna say gill and OH MY GOD THATD BE SO FUNNY AND KINDA ANGSTY IF DONE IN A CERTIAN WAY LOL

(honestly kinda a fic idea there: ava gets help from lizzie as they learn lizzies brother [chip] believes that gillion likes ava or smth. i wanna see the siblings helping their siblings come together)

...oh the heart refs are starting

"He did. She screamed." pure comedy imo

"He kind of liked that idea, he needed more mean girl friends (one can never have too many)." SCREAMING MUTUAL YOU KNOW THE LESBIANS SO WELL AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

...mutual. im not your mother father or parent i wanna put you in timeout AHHHH WHY THESE REFS

mutual. hey. you dont need to remind us. you can let us be happy.

i wonder what the title of the fic means btw

as someone who calls their friend pookie, MISS FERIN DIDNT FUCKING STUTTER

"Stress shouldn’t be real, it was stupid." PREACH!

OH MY GOD HE SAID THAT BEFORE THE KISS HES SO GAY YOUR HONOR GAY AS HELL

FUCK ME I CAN IMAGINE GILLS VOICE SAYING THAT HANG ON IF I DO AN OUT LOUD IMPRESSION...

fuck it is as riduclous as it appears

bro jay and ensa have had a "they/them pussy" moment together and i see it thats the fucking look on their faces good for them

OH. I SEE. GAY "SEX" THEN DEATH. FUCK

he found his kid got a bitch and was so shocked and happy he fucking died

"But then again, maybe he deserved it." chip babygirl you make no sense

wait chips 17 here. 2 years away from being 19. the canon age. oh nononononononono

hey. anybody else notice a pretty big character of chips past hasnt been brought up yet? like, fucking price. the guy thats believed to have mistreated chip. the guy who made chip kill a man. MUTUAL WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING.

okay so i have a theory. my mutual doesnt plan on giving chip a break, hes just lost his dad unknowingly how, hes currently 17, and price hasnt been mentioned ONCE. characters act pretty similar to canon, including how theyve been mistreated in a sense (seen by the elders). the title (You'll Forget (It's Not Your Fault)) doesnt seem any good.

my theory? following the canon idea that chip has been through so much he easily forgot about kenta and his nightmare shit, chips gonna be dealing with price, and i dont think its gonna be just for a couple months. price is behind arlins shit, and price gonna make chip think this shit is all his fault.

oh nvm checked tags REDO THEORY

minor character death probs means you know who if you read it i dont wanna say it cause big spioier uhhhh READ IT OKAY IM SAYING IT NOW arlin, but from the beginning its had memory loss (how i didnt notice this before is beyond me) so im thinking its caused by like bad shit that happens (price is going to fuck with him more and ill sob) and hes blaming himself for it cause he thinks all thats happening including the memory loss is because hes doing shit wrong

(from what i know, depression and shit can cause memory loss BUT im not sure ill be back with results tmr on this so until then REBLOGS OFF)

check my mutual out or ill llegally have to eat you (on tumblr @red-might-be-dead)

#piss dolphin mutual #theory is only based on vibes #chilling in solar lights #jrwi fnc #jrwi riptide au #jrwi #jrwishow #jrwi podcast #jrwi show #just roll with it #jrwi riptide #jrwi au #jrwi fish and chips #idk what other things to add #btw red babygirl (platonic and genderneutral usage) #the “spoilers” of a03 tags? #those need to be there in case people dont want to read those things #its not spoilers if it helps people filter out what they dont wanna read #just noticed you mentioned that on the fic tags lol #enjoy my chaos non-realtime reaction to your fic lol

[elvesofnoldor]

it makes me sad whenever i see Lestat suggested that Louis was a greater love than Nicki, when Nicki was actually the the truest of his loves. VC literally never had one (1) single wholesome romances, it was literally never a love story, except! of course a romance that occured between two characters when they were still living human. But Nobody could see this because everybody was busy not understanding why Nicki and Lestat's relationship fell apart and why Nicki was mentally ill/depressed.

Honestly it's partially Anne Rice's fault, she made Nicki talked like in abstracts in his break-up scene with Lestat. He was all "your light" and "darkness in my heart" and shit, he spoke like a depressed tolkien character so how is anybody supposed to know what he's talking about. Plus, because Lestat never knew why Nicki was miserable in the first place, he couldn't make the readers understand either. But all the clues are there, it's not hard to piece together the whole picture.

Nicki was the son of a wealthy merchant, despite not being born of aristocrat blood, he lived a life in luxury and was afford the best education. Hell, his family was rich enough that with his allowances Nicki could afford lessons with Mozart. the best of best musicians of his time. Fucking Mozart. He was educated to become a lawyer, a respected member of bourgeois class. Now, Nicki's racial coding is very vague, but he had curly hair and dark skin, which made me wonder if he had Romanian heritage, but that doesn't have to be the case. Either way, to belong with the higher society of French European bourgeois was probably considered a great privilege for Nicki. But then he decided to pursue a career as a violinist and ran away with Lestat to Paris and threw all of that out of the window to live in poverty with Lestat. Now, consider how scandalous what all of that would have looked to his rich Parisian friends and his family, he eloped with his lover (another man) to pursue a doomed career in the arts, can you imagine what sort of vile insults were being said behind his back and into his face? Lestat mentioned that Nicki's friends actually visited Nicki once, and they never even bothered to speak to Lestat. Do you ever wonder why they visited Nicki in the shitty apartment he shared with Lestat? Is it simply social calls? now, life in poverty wasn't that big of a deal with Lestat, since his failure of an aristocrat family wasted most of their family wealth away and they mostly just lived in a shitty broken castle, all title no wealth. Lestat already experienced much hardship in life from a very young age, and doing lowly manual labours to survive isn't that big of a drop in quality of life for him. Of course Lestat loved the luxuries that Bourgeois enjoyed: the frock coat, the pretty jewelries, but frankly he enjoyed those things the way um, a poor gay kid from 1980s dressing up for balls enjoyed jewelries and designer clothes. He was never part of bourgeois class nor had he ever wanted to be part of it, not the way Nicki aspired to actually belong in that society or cared much for high society's rules. Nicki told Lestat once that he enjoyed "sin", at that point in their conversation, they were talking about arts and theatre, so yes im sure "sin" was partially about Lestat's love for low brow arts. However, it was also quite obvious that he was actually talking about their relationship. And yeah honestly it's just Nicki's internalized homophobia talking. I don't think Lestat agreed, probably cause his mom always told him it's not a bad thing to be different and to be "an outsider", but Nicki probably did not have parental figures or friends in his life who taught him to believe in these things.

Yet Nicki was still very much in love with Lestat, Lestat made him very happy. I know what he said in a heat of passion and despair afterwards, but Nicki did not come to Paris cause he harboured some sort of nefarious intentions. He simply believed that being in love with another man was inherently sinful and bad, because you know, internalized homophobia. Being in love with Lestat made him happy, so he believed that the happiness he felt must also be bad and sinful. Basically he felt that being happy is a symptom of moral corruption, he only deserved to be miserable and live in guilt at all times. When Lestat could not understand his pain, it made him feel even more alone and miserable. Yet despite all of that, when Lestat could not understand his perspective, he retracted to himself because he did not want to burden Lestat with his misery. Lestat was with him, and to Nicki, surely he could ignore his own pain a little longer, a little better because of it! Except that of course Lestat would leave him very soon. Lestat soon confided in him that someone was stalking him, and shortly after Lestat went missing and has gone AWOL for months! months! Lestat was told that Nicki was worried sick, and i think in fear and in paranoia and grief, Nicki started to suspect the very worst and most bizzare. Months and months of horrible grief only for Lestat to gift he and their friends a luxurious apartment and their theatre. Nicki felt abandoned, he felt insulted that Lestat thinks material wealth is more important to him than his company. Lestat was the only thing that made life bearable for Nicki, and it broke Nicki's heart that Lestat thought he could have a life without him. So when Lestat came back to him dead and wrong, all Nicki's love in his heart turned into hate, and he lashed out at Lestat. Lestat has made him feel so miserable and alone, so he intended to hurt Lestat back. In fact, at that point his grief and paranoia probably led him to convince himself that Lestat either never loved him or didn't love him anymore. Again, Nicki thought that one person who made life feel like worth living, that one person that gave his life any meaning at all, just didn't want him anymore.

Lestat spent 60 years in a painful relationship with Louis but he had so little self-love that he considered 60 years of pain better than 6 months of bliss. All because what? Nicki coped with being dead and the existential despair that it caused in a very diabolical and theatrical way and Louis coped with being dead by being a spiteful little bitch pretending to be more human than Lestat like it's a competition? idk man at least Nicki actually loved Lestat.

#if not for nicki then why would Lestat tried to recreate what he had with Nicki when he met Louis? #Lestat was just trying to give all the love he had for Nicki to Louis. and Louis wouldn't have it! #he had no idea what precious thing he rejected #mae overshares

[wildcatofgreen]

Hearing her phone bing, Tangle picked it up happy to see Carol was responding . Yet each text made her more uneasy, had she messed it all up? She felt responsible? But then if she was dating someone and they were still infatuated with someone else she'd wanna know, even if it hurt she'd wanna know.

She closed her eyes thinking hard on how to respond, Gaia she could only imagine what Carol was going through, it hurt alot when Whisper walked out on her that morning. This was probably that but so much worse.

Ringtailedmischiefmaker001: srry C, i was hopin' itd go smooth Ringtailedmischiefmaker001: Uncle once toldme Love is like a mountain, u gotta climb it u know? its rough and yer gonna fall a few times. But u cant just give up, and call it quits! Ringtailedmischiefmaker001: Keep goin' keep climbin' dun lose hope, it aint over till you give up and stop climbin' Ringtailedmischiefmaker001: u kinda cut his rope u know? dropped alot on him and now he's like, fallin' but that dun mean he gave up right? Ringtailedmischiefmaker001: just have faith, have faith in yer love 4 him and his love 4 you... he'll be back, cause he loves you and you love him... i got faith in that. You gotta have faith 2. Ringtailedmischiefmaker001: im here 4 u i got faith in u, Ringtailedmischiefmaker001: stay strong C, and dun give up hope, sometimes its all we got... sometimes its what keeps us movin' keeps us climbin' She had tears in her eyes, she felt so bad for Carol, chaos she hated how emotional she could get when her friends were hurting. Even if Carol was doing her damnedest to hide it---Tangle could tell she was hurtin' way worse then she was.

Didn't know how to respond to any of that.

Felt like kind of nonsense words? At least a little.

She cut the rope. She ruined it. Can't go back from that. How's he gonna keep climbing? How's she expected to keep climbing if she fucked him over so hard? If she ruined it all?

wildcatofgreen: if i cut his rope then i got no business thinkin its anythin but gone wildcatofgreen: he'd give up while falling anyone would wildcatofgreen: how's he supposed to climb back up and why would he even want to girl wildcatofgreen: yeah thats such a smart idea climb back up to the girl who cut your shit in the first place wildcatofgreen: its just gonna get cut again thats villainy 101

...

add something so it doesn't sound so depressing, moron.

wildcatofgreen: lmao wildcatofgreen: i trust you tangie i rly do

She stared at her phone, wondering what else to say.

If she's supposed to sound positive she can't think of jack to make this positive.

She didn't have faith, she couldn't keep climbing. Not after what she did, not after how badly she made him feel. It was unforgivable, unbelievable, completely and utterly detestable just like she fucking thought from the get go. She can't help but question why she even thought it'd go well in the first place.

A fool's errand, really.

wildcatofgreen: my sense of humor is just rly dry lol wildcatofgreen: i gotchu i gotchu wildcatofgreen: an' if youre right about all'a this then next time ice cream's on ME lmao

There. That worked well enough, right? Some positivity to layer over the negativity.

It'd get the point across, at least. It'd make Tangie less worried. Last thing she needs is a friend worried about her. No, she's hurt one important person to her already.

Fucking, make it two--stones know Lyli doesn't feel great about the whole loved-each-other-but-never-together thing.

Wow. Wooow. She just needed a third and she'd be out of the game. Sit on the bleachers, Tea, you're losin' us the game.

Fucking hell.

#carol's cruisings #atangledfate #atangledfate | tangle #asks #one thing after another

[brokvnhxart]

Fuck you for using me

Fuck you for using me,

Spending countless nights in a mouldy flat, I used to cry myself to sleep.

Fuck you for using me,

I used to always wonder why you were never there for me mentally

Fuck you for using me,

When you couldn't cut him off because you said he was suicidal

Fuck you for using me,

Attaching yourself to me so you didn't have to spend university alone.

Fuck you for using me,

Driving me into a depression by exerting your own mental struggles onto me.

Fuck you for using me,

When I got that phone call you tried to kill yourself out of relationship guilt so I would try go come back.

Fuck you for using me,

Gaslighting and making me feel bad for wanting to spend time with the friends you made me cut off

Fuck you for using me,

Treating me like im an abusive alcoholic when you were the one to cause problems when we were drunk.

Fuck you for using me,

What even is real love after giving your soul to someone to then burn it on a random Saturday

Fuck you for using me,

Consuming all of my energy then leaving when you move back home

Fuck you for using me,

Telling me to stop obsessing over the person who said she wanted to marry me

Fuck you for using me,

Telling me you were on birth control yet you ended up pregnant

Fuck you for using me,

For helping you get over your self harm addiction

Fuck you for using me,

For helping you tackle your eating disorder and helping you with your fear of food

Fuck you for using me,

Never exposing your heart and saying "one day"

For you for using me,

Wasting two years of my life with someone who I thought was my forever person

Fuck you for using me,

Sleeping with someone not even a month after breaking up with me

Fuck you for using me,

As a filler person until you finished university so you could go back to him

Fuck you for using me,

Being a cold heartless bitch who never knew true love

Fuck you for using me,

Claiming I was the mentally ill one when you are

[acollectionofpotentialdrawings]

I have to write, it helps. I feel scared, i feel an immense and heavy weight over the world and im shaking and my heart is vibrating. It’s been vibrating for weeks now. The nurses said it was a resting 138 bmp sometimes when I was in the hospital, it feels like that again. Several times it was between 101-112, I just need to drink tea and stay grounded and focus on my breath. I feel dizzy and anxious. I took a shot of tequila with Cordelia and had a beer and then after she left I vomited, dry heaving for minutes.

Tamara, my hospital roommate, just called to check in on me. We were the two most lucid patients in the ward and I had a lovely time talking with her, we might go rock climbing together sometime when she gets back out “into the real world.” Psych wards are awful. You have no autonomy and nurses treat you with irritability when you ask for advil or a towel so you can fucking shower in maybe hot water where you have to press a button every 15 seconds for water. Patients are manic or depressed or psychotic and yet treat each other with more kindness than staff. The most important thing I did while I was there was encouraging/convincing my first roommate to start a low dose of risperdol. She won’t leave unless she starts to be med compliant. On the first night I met her she held her hand out to me, crying, and said “I promise it wasn’t meant to be this way. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. It wasn’t meant to be this way.” I held her hand tightly, looking at her eyes and assuring her it would be ok. Another patient, an absolutely manic young African woman who went around talking in bizarre accents or singing Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah in the hallways, gave me a jumbled poem that made me cry. She asked me what I thought of it later and I said it made me cry. “No. No it didn’t,” she said. “You’re lying.” “It did. The part where money doesn’t matter and only expression matters and that I’ve been on the hard road.” “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.”

I also got along well with the most aggressive man on the ward, most of the men hated him and were always yelling to staff about him, threatening to jump him, but we exchanged maybe one silly little joke a day and his laugh was wonderful to hear. He got body slammed by security after trying to attack another patient. He told me to stay focused when I was gathering my bags to leave. I will.

Im going to have a 5 minute conversation with my class about mental health on Wednesday, I want to honestly explain why I canceled class last week. I know several of my students are on the spectrum/have ADHD/depression because they’ve told me after class sometimes as they hang out with me to put away easels/drawing boards, and college is a time when many mental health issues pop up, and I want to emphasize the important of prioritizing health over grades/asking for help. I won’t tell them the details, or my diagnoses, but I will tell them I was in the hospital.

[happytroopers]

Andor eps 2-  4 shit post

Maybe its my depression maybe its the show but I'm entirely apathetic towards this series so now im like 5 eps behind but this is me trying

Ep 2 spoilers below duh

-starting with a flashback tbh the flashback scenes were the More interesting bits from the first ep

-I love when there's random seemingly defect machinery just everywhere in Star Wars

-strip mining????

-idk who this man is or what he's doing but I love it

I wanna be Star Wars dramatic bell clanger

Star Wars Quasimodo

most of this show is just different characters suspiciously speed walking through alley ways

momma andor???

"It's all your women I'm worried about." Icon behaviors

oh what's his face is gonna turn Cassian in bc he's jealous I'm calling it now

I know this bc men suck

fuck u box's boyfriend who's name I can't remember. I was on board with you until you did this

this show is so dark. like lighting wise. I'm in my pitch black living room and im still having trouble making out all the faces

put me back on Tatooine where the desert suns burn my retinas through my silly lil screen

"corporate tactical forces" privatized police you mean

I love that this guy despit4e being ostensibly handsome definitely gets no bitches. Absolutely no play

I have that lantern in my camping gear rn

not to be off topic... I wonder what Boba is doing rn

its 5 years pre rogue one, so I'm assuming bounty hunting and being generally annoyed at Han Solo's existence but like... I want to go to there. (there is boba's lap)

insert the Cassy-Casssssy tik Tok audio here but this time its Cassian- Kassaaaa

are those Jedi issue sir? Ahhh fives I miss u every day

BELL MAN BELL MAN BELL MAN

hes an icon. fave character too far

abandoned after imperial mining incident.. Mandalor type beat

at least in legends

Edward Cullen type beat

how many darks can this bad boy hold

also are they poison or just tranqs

-that is an UGLY ship

-IS THAT BILL FROM MAMMA MIA

-THAT'S BILL FROM MAMMA MIA

-"if you can't find it here it's not worth finding" me at my local thrift store

-wow were two episodes in and approximatley one thing has happened. And it was the thing that happened int he first 5 mins of the first episode

EPISODE 3 spoilers obvi

-I want to be interested so bad

-pls let my depressed lizard brain latch on to this

-also why does Tumblr fuck up my formatting when im on desktop

-desktop is supposed to work better and yet

-why does this give me among us vibes

I never even played among us

for some reason I feel as though this is going in the direction of somehow in some indirect way something Cassian does is gonna be the root cause of Kenari's mining incident

that seems very par for the course

me too Cassian. I also react that way when I see my reflection

BILL FROOM MAMMA MIA

idc what his Star Wars name and back story is

just as with the marvel movies- that is simply Bill Anderson, Swedish adventurer, author, and singer of silly songs

soo not mamma andor

ahh I FORGOT THE FLASHBACKS WUOLD BE REPUBLIC ERA

perhaps even clone wars era

idk what that weapon that bill's got, but I like it

"the drowser" new gear just drpped

"you know how cold she gets" im soft

aww even fictional cops break citizens rights

bc hes a rat

of course his name is fucking Tim

Bill that was Optimus prime level inspiration

woah I love the organized signaling

bill I love you

a lil attracted to u rn

what is the lay out of this building

was it made to be one big OSHA violation

what is its purpose other than dramatic destruction

RIP Timm this was kind of ur fault

I love how even despite the fact that we know Cassian is a morally grey character, we're really doubling down that these blue guys are evil evil and it wasn't just those two assholes

love cassian emerging from the shadows

very sexy of him

they even made gun ships, my fave ship, ugly

lmao

RIP to the cop that got exiled

SHIT BOX SPEEDER IM IN LOVE

NO

smart but sad. that speeder waS neat

I swear I know the Maarva actress

"we need to get out of here." no response "SIR WE NEED TO GET UOT OF HERE"

SHIT THAT'S AUNT PETUNIA FROOM HARRY POTTER THATS WHY I KNOW HER

at least things happened this episode 5/10

EP 4 spoilers below obvi

-MON MOTHA IN THE THUMBNAIL

-mon mommy sorry mommy?

-Bill has his wn ship... just like in mamma mia

-the parallels are amazing

-"you're bleeding on my floor"

-Med Nog? SAY MOORE RN. is it just more alch??? is it bacta infused? miracle healing Elixar??? I need mor4e information immediately

-Sep??? is the separatist / confederacy of independent systems still kicking for am I missing something?

-"you'll ultimately die fighting these bastards" its sad bc its true

-CORUSCANT MY BELOVED

-nt the imperial security beureua

-"are you being purposely vague?" me at this show

-NOT SCARIF

-kyber crystal????

-Blue kyber??? hmmm

-dont steal the ship Cass

-hmmm why are we lying to the rebellion folk

-tie fighter sound effects my beloved

"close to nothing. But not very far from everything" also could be said about my hometown

-this is a nemik fan account.. for now. Idk he has good vibes

-I wish to be on Corucsant. concrete jungle where dreams are made of. There's nothing you can't do

-MON MOTHA APARMTNE T!!! I WANT TO OGO T THERE

-marriage problems??? fuck this guy

-I can't wait to see the CGI for the celestial event

-who is this blonde girl and why do we care about her

-"can I eat my food?" me too Cass

There's been significant improvement ! ok thats all the new content my brain can handle today good night.

[dumbbitchfrommars]

im lowkey getting depressed again. like im comfortable and theres nothing wrong but its jjust one of those episodes i get into. i was so so so stressed out and all i wanted was sleep and solitude and now i finally have it and all i want is sleep. i cant cook for myself or feed myself what i know my body needs, deserves, wants. i haven’t had the energy to workout when i know its what will make me happy. and i still have the nagging thought in my mind that uni isnt fully over yet, i still have those 2 outstanding assignments left. fml. apart from all that. i am just sad. its really inspiring and motivating to see that my life has shifted a little, theres someone new and new experiences to be had and new memories to be made. but right here right now, i am not feeling very uplifted or positive or excited about anything... just tired. kinda dead, or lethargic. i dont know if it was that vaccine or something that was brewing for a while already. i keep on wanting to dissociate with netflix, tiktok, idk. idk. thats probably whats causing this feeling to worsen tbh. but i just want to be distracted. i dont feel great. or maybe its the comedown from all that alcohol the other night. i remember snapping at a stranger that night. i am not chill at all. why do i enjoy and get a rush from arguing with others? they don’t deserve that. i dont deserve that. its promising to hear she has a blind date for me to meet and cares enough to introduce me to a guy... but i feel like theres so many red flags. shes moving too fast and the fact that he is asking her for a friend to introduce his mate to... why hasnt he met a girl on his own accord? is there something wrong with him? and how can you be so fast to say lets double date when you met 2 days ago?! you barely even know the guy let alone know his friend is worthy of me! you barely even know me for that matter! goodness. but aside all that, i think it would be fun to meet someone new just for the fuck of it and to have a lil chat around and maybe a free meal and hustle. maybe... just maybe hes worth it. she said hes tall and funny. those are like the only things you could really ask for imo. so theres that too. i believe in myself and my ability to bad bitch my way through this slump and into new wonderful exciting connections and friendships and relationships with all the people in my life. watering the plants, tending to their health, helping them grow strong. 

[r0mancandles]

Entry #1

I thought I needed some sort of an outlet. I have a sort of sick desire to be heard or "feel seen" and yet I want to be anonymous because vulnerability is horrifying. So I won't follow anyone on here as I don't want to push my rants and vents onto anyone who doesn't want to see it. That's why I made this account, because I want to disclose my deepest darkest secrets without really having to actually risk the rejection in real life. With that being said I'll try and put the appropriate trigger warnings on each individual entry but I'd bet they could all be triggering.

Tw // mention of self harm, discussion of trauma but no specifics

Summer is my favorite season. I love feeling the sun on my skin and every year I convince myself that it'll cure what's most-likely depression. I'm not diagnosed with anything but I think with things I've attempted in the past I'm justified in saying that I know something is wrong with me in the brain area. The upsetting thing is summer doesn't magically fix everything. Right now it is 5am, I'm listening to one of my favorite albums of all time trying desperately not to relapse with self harm. I don't know if that's because I'm overwhelmed with the stress of my new adult responsibilities since I've just graduated or not. This album is making me feel like Im going to cry but it feels like being laid under a soft blanket, given a hug, and being told that "everything is going to be okay." I think that if the singer of this band ever gave me a hug it would feel the same way. That's an incredibly parasocial way to think but I have a connection with the music, it makes me feel okay for a moment. I hope that he'd understand and if fantasizing about him giving me a hug is what makes me get through the night then so be it.

This past week I've been remembering things that I normally try to repress and it's strange because I don't think it's that traumatic until I say it out loud or can't sleep at night or just think of the way they affected me. It's something that's not even "bad enough" to count as trauma in my head, yet it's so bad I won't tell anyone or say it out loud. Just thinking about it makes me a little sick to the stomach but the band I'm listening to is comforting and I can't go back and warn myself. Sometimes I wish I had someone to tell everything of what happened to me so they could say "yes that actually is bad your feelings are valid." As I said it's on this weird line where if I mention it (even omitting gruesome details) people are like "yes that's fucked up" but it's also something I'm horrified people will tell me is something I shouldn't be so messed up by years on from it.

I'm super anxious and I don't know what's causing it, I think it's a little mix of everything. I also feel a little bit like my friend is taking her feelings out on me but I've decided that I should be the bigger person and react with kindness since she's struggling too. It almost made me cry because she didn't used to be like this but in the past year sometimes I've felt like she's beating me down on purpose. Other times she's sweet and the only one who cares about me so who am I to tell her that the way she acts hurts a little.

I want to be held really desperately. Sometimes I think about forcing myself into a relationship just to fix the fact that I'm so touch starved. Like I'd tolerate mediocre sex that I don't even care about if it meant some strong older man would wrap his arms around me or play with my hair or something afterwards. I wonder if other people feel that way? It's kind of pitiful.

Signing off for the moment...thank you for your time.

[lilysdaydreams]

The Artist and The Musician

→  I do not claim to know corpse- therefore please don’t think that this is what he would actually act like, or that any details about his life are actually true. this is fiction.

→ Pairing: Corpse Husband X Fem!Reader

→ Genre: Fluff.

→ Words: 5.6k

→ Request:  Hey! It’s me again lmao I was curious maybe like sykunno or raes little sister (like 2 or 3 years younger) meets the group and her and corpse just click. How would either of them react to them hearing the news that their little sis is dating corpse and like they’ve moved in together and everything idk I thought it’d be cute💛

→ Warnings: Swearing.

→ Authors Note: Its been a hard couple of weeks and im really sorry that this took so long to be done but depression rlly hit me and I could barely move myself. I hope you enjoy this, and if you do, please comment some words of encouragement or feedback 💛

→  if you have some spare change , consider buying me a coffee.

You sighed as you finally dropped the last box in your new room, stretching to get rid of the pains in your back. Grabbing your phone, you moved over to Sykkunos room, knocking before sticking your head in.

"You want subway?" you asked when he looked up from the computer. He nodded with a quick smile, and as you closed the door behind you, you could hear him talking to the stream, letting them know that it was just his sister. Quickly ordering on Ubereats, you slumped on the sofa, closing your eyes and resting for a bit.

You had decided to move in with Sykkuno a month ago, the same week you'd decided to drop out of college. It wasn't something your parents were happy with, but after seeing how big your art and business had gotten, they had let you drop out. You'd dropped out and moved to LA, moving into an apartment with Sykkuno since he had to leave the OTV house. Sykkuno had moved in a week earlier which was why his room and computer was all set up. You'd only moved in today, spending a few weeks at home with your parents before leaving for LA. Stretching, you grabbed your phone, checking how long it would be until the food came, and then clicking on Instagram. Your most recent post was of this morning, a photo of you sitting on top of half the boxes in your room, throwing a peace sign at the camera. Sykkuno had taken it for you, the whole process taking 10 minutes cuz you made him take it at 45 different angles. Scrolling through the comments, you liked a few, replying to the ones by your best friends.

@selinaissss: "HOW DARE YOU LOOK THIS PERFECT AT 8 IN THE MORNING????"

→ @junefarie: i look like a racoon dont u dare

@onlyalyssa: "we need a house tour"

→ @junefarie: bitch I dont even have a bed yet

You grabbed the subway order when the bell rang, saying a quick thank you to the delivery man. You left yours on the table, and went to Sykkunos room, yelling "Sykkuno catch!" before throwing it at him, giggling as he leapt forward from his chair to catch it. Closing the door softly behind you, you jumped onto the couch, sitting cross-legged, grabbing your sketchbook and pencils from your backpack and setting them on your lap. It was time to wind down a bit.

~

It was a week later and you had unpacked fully, now focusing more on creating new pieces of art for a shop update. You were also working on some designs specifically for shirts and hoodies. Sykkuno found you in front of your computer, blanket wrapped around you and glasses perched on your nose as you emailed the manufacturer you were working with for the hoodies.

"Un, y/n?" he said hesitantly knocking on the door. You spun around in your chair, raising your eyebrows at him. "What's up?"

He walked in, sitting down gingerly on the edge of the bed and you got your water from the table, taking a sip as you wait for him to talk.

"I um- You know how I- I play Among Us right?" he asked, scratching his neck.

You hummed in response, urging him on with a nod. Sykkuno was almost never this nervous around you. Most of the time, you guys talked normally, joking and teasing each other. For him to be stuttering around you, he must have been extremely nervous.

"Well, you know Rae right? She um, she asked me to make a lobby," he said, standing up and pacing now. You furrowed your brows, confused as to where this was going.

He was explaining what a lobby was (which what the fuck, you watched his streams, of course you knew what a lobby was, why was he explaining that) when you cut him off, getting up and grabbing his shoulders to stop him.

"Hey, what's wrong?" you asked, holding his shoulders with both your hands.

He sighed and slumped into you, his head coming to a rest on your shoulder.

"Rae asked me to make a lobby and it's the first time I've ever made one and I'm really nervous about it. I've already invited people, but um I was wondering if you wanted to join as well? I- It would help me to have you there." he muttered, the words muffled as he spoke into your shoulder.

"Me?" you asked, a little shocked because you had never played among us before.

He nodded against your shoulder.

"Um sure!" you said, wrapping your arms around his middle, "It'll be fun!"

"And hey," you added on when he didn't say anything after that, "I can meet all your friends as well!"

He finally lifted his head a little, smiling as he muttered out a quick "Thanks y/n."

"However," you added, jumping back onto your seat and wiggling your eyebrows at him. "You have to buy me pizza for tonight's dinner."

He chuckled, grabbing his phone and already mutterng the order to himself as he opened up the ubereats app and walked out of the room.

You turned back to the laptop humming a tune under your breath. From interactions like this, most people would probably assume that you were older but the truth was that Sykkuno was 5 years older than you. Your roles were reversed and you were probably more protective over him than anyone else. Once in high school a girl had called him cute and asked him for his number only to write it on the bathroom walls. After the first three prank calls, you'd taken the phone from him yelling at anyone who called that if they called again, that you'd personally track them down and shove a dildo up their ass.

Both of you had always been close, but with the amount of bullying and teasing he got in high school, you'd got even closer, eventually becoming his best friend in a way. Seeing Sykkuno grow as a person, get new friends who were genuinely nice and kind made you the happiest person alive. When Sykkuno had first started streaming you'd been worried, scared that people online would say something mean. When he had first started streaming with other streamers and then met Lily and all his other friends, you had been anxious, worrying that they might only be putting up a friendly facade. You were also the happiest though when he grew even closer to them, when he smiled more, laughed more, talked more.

You had yet to meet or talk to any of his friends, mostly because you'd been in college, and the pandemic had made it harder. Maybe it was finally time.

~

The day came and you sat in your room, once again a blanket wrapped around you, glasses perched on your nose as you accepted the discord invite Sykkuno sent you.

"DO I GO IN THE CHAT THINGY?" you yelled to Sykkuno, hearing a "YES" before clicking on the voice chat.

You mumbled a "hello", wondering if your mic was on.

"Hey, yeah I can hear you y/n."

Breathing a sigh of relief, you logged into the game, smiling as you heard sykkuno introduce you to his chat. "Hi everyone," you said, feeling a bit weird only talking to a screen. You rubbed your hands, a little nervous to be doing this.

Just then someone else joined and before you could even speak another three people joined as well, all of them yelling hello as they joined.

"He- Hey guys, how's everyone doing?" started sykkuno.

"Im doing great oh my god, guess what guys, I'm-" started Rae, cutting herself off. "wait, whos um "ms snores a lot"?

You were a bit confused for a second, furrowing you eyebrows for a second before realising what had happened.

"SYKKUNO YOU ASSHOLE WHAT THE FUCK?" you yelled, staring at the name underneath the voice channel that you now realised belonged to you. You could hear Sykkunos laughter from the other room but you just spluttered indignantly. He was the one who had set up everything on your computer yesterday because technology was something that you rarely messed around with.

"Sykkunooo" you whined, when he kept laughing, "How the fuck do I change it now?"

"Um wait, sykkuno who is this?" asked Rae, the other three echoing her. You glanced at the names and from the voices figured out that it was Rae, Toast, Sean and Corpse in the lobby.

"Hey okay, so guys this is my sister, her names y/n and we recently moved in together, so I asked her to be in the lobby because... um.." he said stuttering at the end to find a reason.

"Because he wanted to embarrass me apparently!" you exclaimed, giving him a way out.

"Oh god, um - you can change it in settings, at the bottom near where your name is."

"Ahhh," you said finding it and then simply typing in your art business name.

"Its nice to meet everyone by the way," you started. "I've been watching your videos for ages so it almost fels like I already know you"

Raes voice started in your ears and you winced at the volume befoe turning it down a bit.

"I would love to say that Sykkuno has told us a lot about you, but the truth is that he keeps a lot of secrets and I didnt even know he had a sister, I AM SO SHOCKED RIGHT NOW"

You gasped. "Sykkuno what the fuck, you didn't even tell Rae?"

"You told me not to tell a lot of people!" he protested.

You heard someone saying "they're so different!' but you ignored it and kept talking.

"Yeah at the start! and on stream! I can't believe you never even said you had a sister." you spluttered out, followed by another gasp.

"Are you embarrassed of me?" you whispered dramatically.

"N-What no of course not!" he exclaimed, and you could also imagine how wide his eyes would have gotten.

You giggled before telling him that you were only joking.

"Um since sykkuno is embarrassed of me," you said jokingly, "I'll just tell you myself."

"I'm like five years younger than sykkuno, I'm a June baby, I do art, my star sign is cancer, I'm 5'4, I recently moved in with sykkuno, and my favourite colour is purple!"

"Oh is that why your username is junefarie? Because you were born in June?" asked Sean.

Before you could say yes, someone else cut in.

"Wait, junefarie?" asked corpse, "like the artist?"

Your eyes widened as you realised that he knew you. Sure you had quite a few followers, but you never expected any of Sykkunos friends to know you from there.

"Um yeah," you said letting out a shocked laugh, "I didnt expect anyone here to know about me."

"Dude, your art is fire!" he exclaimed, voice louder now. "I was honestly thinking of buying a piece soon, I've followed you for ages!"

"Wait, I wanna see as well." whined Rae, "Ima look you up, are you on Instagram?"

"Um," you said still shocked by the fact that somone this big knew you. "yeah I'm on instagram, its just junefarie." you said first replying to Rae, "Um corpse, thankyou so much! thats so nice of yo!"

"Um my art isn't that great yet," you chuckled, embarrassed by all the attention now. "I'm hoping to improve a lot more and I have a bunch of ideas for it as well. I'm hoping to work more now that I moved in with Sy."

"Oh my god, this is amazing," whispered Rae, Toast and Sean echoing her. You ducked your head even though no one could see you. Your cheeks were blazing hot and you pressed your hands to them to cool yourself down.

"Thankyou," you mumbled, not sure what to say.

Someone else entered the lobby, and said "hi" and you welcomed the source of distraction.

"Hi! I'm Sykkunos sister, y/n!" you said , wanting to move away from the topic of your art.

The reply of "sykkuno has a SISTER?" made everyone laugh, successfully moving the attention to Sykkuno and off your art. Finally Sykkuno started the game and you breathed as you lost yourself in the art of gaming.

"OH MY GOD!" yelled Rae as the game ended and everyone appeared in the lobby. "That was like amazing, Y/N I cant belive you pulled that off!"

She was talking about the last game where there was 50/50 between corpse and Sykkuno (because you refused to kill sykkuno when you were imposter) and you somehow managed to convince Sykkuno that it was Corpse.

"Honestly, neither can I!" you exclaimed back staring at your screen, eyes blurring the screen because of how tired you were.

"I can't believe Sykkuno," mumbled corpse. "I literally said I saw her vent and kill toast and Sykkuno was still like "hmmm, I don't think so."

Giggling at Sykkunos yell of "SHES MY SISTER" you yelled out a bye as everyone started leaving and then struggled to find a way to end the call.

"Wait, how do I end it," you muttered to yourself.

You jumped as Corpse talked, not expecting anyone to be there.

"You can see yoru name at the bottom left right? Its above that but a little to the right." he said chucling a little.

"Oh." you said, you cheeks heating up. You didnt know if it was because of him or because you were utterly useless with technology.

"Um thankyou," you said awkwardly.

"No problem."

You exited out of the call, a small smile at your lips.

Sykkunos friends were nice.

~

After the stream, your fanbase grew, and with it, the number of orders as well. For the next week, you were buried under orders, only leaving the house to go to the post office.

An Instagram post on @junefarie account: 

[ID: A photo of y/n and sykkuno standing in the middle of the living room, packages scattered everywhere. Y/n is hugging Sykkuno tight and Sykkuno is staring at the camera, a distressed look on his face.]

Caption: Thankyou so much for all my supporters and all the love shown to me. Sending out loads of orders and I cant wait for you gusy to get yours! Special thanks to @sykkuno for helping me send out orders. luv yu.

Comments: 

@Sykisacutie: best sibling duo!

@valkyrae: hope my order is in their as well.

→ I SCREAMED WHEN SY TOLD ME THAT WAS YOUR NAME.

@corpse_husband: sykkuno looks like he's accepted death.

→ @sykkuno: I would have welcomed death at that point

→ @corpse_husband @sykkuno: okay ill be honest, I would have welcomed death as well.

@ariesin: go best friend, go! we need to get together to paint soon !!

→ SOONNNNNN

~

You flopped onto your bed, every part of your body hurting. Carrying boxes filled with orders down the stairs had tired your whole body, which wasn't used to any exercise at all. That had taken practically the whole day and then you had to clean your room because the mess from the orders had barely left any room to move. You flung your hand to the side, grabbing your phone from the table and bringing it up to your face. The "1:02" was clearly visible on your screen and you unlocked the phone, heading to Twitter. Scrolling through your feed, you liked a few tweets from friends before gearing yourself up and moving to the messages. Ever since you'd played with Corpse, Sykkuno and everyone, you'd been getting a lot of messages. Most of them were just the streamers fans, asking you if you know them or telling you to take care of sykkuno. There were a few though that targeted you, telling you that your art sucked, that they didn't know why Corpse could like my art. You'd taken to deleting them before sleeping so that your inbox wouldn't get cluttered and you could still find any serious requests or messages from your followers. Therefore, you didn't really think anything of it when there was another message from someone with a Corpse icon and you clicked on it only to see the message and gasp, immediately sitting up in bed.

Corpse_Husband → Hey, I was wondering if I could work with you on something? I really love your art and was wanting to commission or collaborate for an album cover or some merch designs. Message me on this number cuz I barely see my dms.

Underneath was a number.

"Oh my god," you whispered, unsure as to what to do.

When you had decided to drop out of college, you had expected hard days. You had expected your normal orders and mostly just improving your art and marketing it more. You had expected long days and not much money in the bank account. You certainly had not expected the immense amount of orders you'd gotten. Along with that, the amount of love and support had taken you by surprise and you had spent the last night crying because of how much love you and your art were getting.

You had also not expected such a big opportunity just landing at your feet.

Quickly you clicked on the number, putting it in your contacts with the name Corpse and then writing a quick message.

"Hey I got your twitter dm! I've personally never done art for merch or album covers but I would love the opportunity!"

You bit your lip, confused as to whether that was enough before deciding it was fine and just sent it.

Your heart beat a little faster as you slumped back onto the bed.

~

@junefarie Instagram story:

[ID: A zoomed-in picture of a drawing, the only part that was visible was curly hair. The text read: "Working on something SO COOL"]

~

Your phone was ringing. Stuffing the rest of the pizza in your mouth, you swept your hand over the covers of your bed, trying to find it. With a muttered "aha", you grabbed it and swiped on the call before it ended. Pressing the phone to your ear, you mumbled a "hello", still chewing the pizza bite.

A low rapsy voice came out of the speaker, one that you definitely didn't expect. You choked on the pizza, coughing out pieces onto the bed.  Sure you guys had messaged each other a bit (you kinda had to because of the commission), but you hadn't expected him to call out of nowhere.

"Um I hope this isn't a bad time," he said when you didn't respond for a second. Of course, he didn't exactly know that hearing his voice so close to your ear had you frozen for a second.

"Um no," you replied, coughing slightly to clear your throat. "It's fine! What did you wanna talk about?"

"Oh, um I know you're already working on the commission and its looking great! I can't wait to work with the merch team to create something really cool with it, but um-" he broke off for a second sounding hesitant. "I really wanna get another commission done as well."

"Oh?" you said after a second when he didn't reply. "I'd be happy to do another one for you!"

"Uh yeah, but I'm afraid that I might be a bit late, You see I was wondering if it could be done before Christmas?"

You sucked in a breath as you counted the days in your mind.

"Hmm, it depends on how big it is tbh. There's still 2 weeks to go till Christmas so I could fit it in," you mumbled, biting your lip as you remembered the onslaught of orders you still had to send out.

"Well," he started and you smiled a little as the excitement crept into his voice. "You know that Sykkuno, Rae, Toast and me are called the 4 Amigops right? I kinda wanted a portrait of all 4 of us, in our um among us colors, and I basically wanted to print it out and send to each of them for Christmas."

"Aww, that sounds like such a good idea, I'm sure they'll all love it!" you smiled, thinking about how much Sykkuno would appreciate that.

"Uh thanks," he mumbled, "do you think you can get it done?"

"Sure!" you replied immediately. You did have a lot of orders, yes, but like, you could fit Corpse in. If you pulled a few all-nighters. "I'll send you the sketches soon okay?"

"Oh thank god, thankyu so much for this y/n, I really appreciate it. Youre one of my favourite artists and I'm really happy that I could finally commisison you after so long."

"So long?" you questioned. "Since when have you known about my art?"

There was a moment of silence and then "Um, around the time you still posted your sketches and stuff I guess?"

You furrowed your eyebrows thinking for a second before letting out a gasp.

"Corpse that was 4 years ago!"

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, oh my god, I cant believe you've seen those, I was so bad then!"

"No no, they were really good at that time as well! I was so shocked when Sykkuno told us you were his sister because like, I'd been following you for ages and I had absolutely no idea. You guys are like really different."

"Hah yah, Sykkunos so soft, and then there's me. An actual devil."

"Your usernames so different as well! I remember when I first saw a picture of you on your account and I was kind of shocked because based on the name junefarie, I was expecting someone very soft I guess but then you were literally the opposite and wearing actual devil horns."

"Oh god, that was one of the first few photos I posted of myself. that was on Halloween I think,", you took a deep breath still shocked that Corpse had known about you for that long,

"Yeah, I chose junefarie because...”

It was 2 hours later when Corpse said that he should probably be working on his music.

"Oh I'm so sorry," you apologized, "I didn't mean to keep you,"

"Oh no, I um, I liked talking to you."

Your breath caught for a moment and you smiled like a lunatic at your Pokémon covered bedsheets.

"I liked talking to you as well," you whispered out, heart sinking a little as you realized the call would be ending soon.

"Um, do you, maybe want to stay on call? like I'll just be writing and we can just chill?" he asked and you felt like your prayers had been answered.

"yes" you said quickly, not giving him a chance to back out.

He chuckled, and you fell in love a little.

Just a little.

~

You continued like that, calling each other every few days, talking so much and then at times, not talking at all, simply content with each others company.

He had even started facetiming you, the first time with a mask and then the second without it. You hadn't made a big deal about it, but the first time you saw him, you could barely breathe.

There were five days left until Christmas when you got the idea.

You were entirely not subtle about it, because, well to be honest, there wasn't a subtle bone in your body.

"Hey Corpse, do you like surprises?" you had asked, in the middle of colouring Raes hair (her hair was the last thing left before you could finally print the goddamn thing)

"It depends," he had murmured after a second, voice sending shivers down your spine like every time. Now whether that was because of his voice or because of him, you weren't entirely sure.

"on what?" you prodded when he refused to answer.

"On whether its a good one or a bad one" he had huffed out.

You had hummed, waited for a second and then blurted out that next question because you did not have a cent of patience.

"So what are you doing at Christmas?"

"Sleeping, if I can manage it," he replied, his voice taking on a sardonic tone, eyes flicking to you on the screen. The only thing he could see though was the top of your head because you had your iPad on the bed and were laying over it as you drew.

"Not with that attitude you aren't," you replied right back, making a small smile appear across his face.

"Hmmm, okay!" you said when he didn't reply.

He looked back over, eyebrows furrowed and mouth opening as he started to question you.

"Hey did you see the video I sent you?" you quickly asked distracting him from his question.

He would probably guess the surprise but that was okay. You only wanted to make a smile appear on his face. And honestly, for someone with anxiety, a small warning of a surprise was definitely needed.

~

It was Christmas day and you woke Sykkuno up at 6 in the morning with the promise that you'd buy him McDonald's. 30 minutes later, you were both in the car, yelling the lyrics to "All I want for Christmas" at the top of your lungs.

You had told sykkuno of your plan a few days ago and he had smiled at you with that stupid smile, agreeing with a small "alright."

You'd immediately realised that he knew. Even though you pretended otherwise, Sykkuno was the older one and the thing about older siblings was that they always knew.

They always knew.

So there you were, snacks loaded into your car, McDonald's fries practically everywhere, and a cake you had made in the backseat, on your way to Corpses house.

There was a lull in the music, and you were only 30 minutes away from his place, butterflies fluttering in your stomach when Sykkuno asked you a question.

"You like him right?" he murmured, head leaning against the window, eyes closed.

There was a moment of silence as you thought about what to say. Did you like Corpse? Of course, you liked Corpse! He was funny, he was nice, he made you feel like you were the only person that mattered and your heart beat faster than ever whenever he looked at you. Hell, that was through a screen, in real life, it would probably be even worse. So of course you liked him! The question was, did he like you back?

"Yeah," you answered Sykkuno, eyes straight on the road.

A second passed and then he smiled. "Good," he replied. and well. That was that. You sighed.

At least you had your brothers blessing.

~

Pulling into the apartment building, you breathed in, your heart beating a million times a second and the butterflies in your stomach had turned into snakes. Maybe, maybe this wasn't a good idea at all. I mean, you expected Corpse to get the hint but what if he didn't? and what if he didn't want you to come? Maybe you were being too quick. After all, It'd only been a month since you'd met.

These thoughts plagued your mind as you trudged up the stairs, turning to Sykkuno as you reached the door.

"Maybe we shouldn't have come," you whispered to him.

He looked at you, eyebrows high, "We just travelled two hours to get here. There's no way im going back without at least giving him the print."

"What if he doesn't want us to be here?" you hissed.

"Then we'll go away." he stated, "after we give him the print."

"But what if-"

Before you could even finish your sentence, the door opened and you both jumped, turning to face the person standing in the doorway.

You forced yourself to breathe as you finally saw him. It was him. Wearing a black beanie, half his hair spilling out the sides, stubble clear on his chin... it was him. At that moment, there was only one thought in your mind.

You were gonna marry this man.

"You suck at whispering," he said, and you huffed out a laugh, jumping onto him without even responding. You wrapped your arms around him, not letting go until Sykkuno cleared his throat from behind you.

You turned back immediately, grabbing the stuff in Sykkunos hands so he could greet Corpse too. As they awkwardly did their handshake/fistbump thing, you walked over to the couch behind them, putting down the print and the takeaway bags, and putting the cakebox down on the table.

You turned around to see them both standing there staring at you.

"Surprise?" you said when no one else spoke. That broke the ice a little and you grabbed the print from the couch thrusting it at Corpse.

"Open it. Open it. Open it." you mumbled, your heart beating fast as he carefully ripped the paper off. The smile that overtook his face made your heart immediately calm.

"It's beautiful," he whispered, eyes roaming everywhere, trying to take it all in. Clearing his throat, he nodded his head further into the apartment, mumbling that he was going to put it in the room, eyes still on the print as he walked there.

"You smile is gonna blind me," muttered Sykkuno.

"Oh shut up."

~

A few hours later, you stood in the kitchen, putting the leftover cake into Corpses fridge. You had all chilled, eating cake and the takeout that you and sykkuno had bought, laughing every few minutes. It felt like you were all on an adrenaline rush. You had facetimed Rae and Toast, Rae shrieking when she realised where you guys were. Sykkuno had just fallen into a nap, still tired from being wakened up so early, you assumed.

You leaned against the kitchen bench, smiling as Corpse walked in.

"Thankyou." he said as he came to a stop next to you, matching your position.

"For what?" you mused, even though you had a good enough idea.

"For the print. For coming here. For making my Christmas, a much happier affair than it has been my whole life." he stated, chuckling at the last point.

You turned your head sideways, and you didn't know what it was, but something about his face made you spurn into action. You grabbed his collar, pulled him down, and kissed him before he could even say anything. It would be too cliche to say that fireworks erupted. And if you were being honest they didn't. Instead, it felt like everything was finally right. You fit perfectly in his arms as they wrapped themselves around you, and you smiled into the kiss as he lifted you up, making you sit at the counter. You twirled the hair at the nape of his neck with your left hand, taking a deep breath in as you both slowed down and pulled away.

"Well," he whispered, "that was unexpected."

You raised a single eyebrow. Honesty you'd done a lot for this relationship. You just drove for nearly 3 hours! If he wanted it to progress, he was gonna have to say it himself.

"But not unwelcome," he continued when you didn't speak. A moment passed, where you could see that he was psyching himself up to say something. Finally, with a heaving sigh, he whispered  "Darling, would you do me the honour of being called yours?"

You melted right there.

A nod was all he needed before he grabbed your lips with his again, both of you giggling when he accidentally hit the side of your mouth instead of the lips.

The sound of a picture being taken filled the air, making you spring apart and swing your heads over to the doorway, which had sykkuno leaning against it, his phone in his hand.

"Thank god. Rae and Toast bet that you wouldn't confess until after Christmas, so now they both owe me 20 bucks." he said, now fiddling on the phone. "Dont worry Corpse, I'll add a circle over your face or something."

Your mouth dropped open as you stared at your brother.

"You bet on my love life?" you scoffed, still shocked.

At his nod though, you swung off the bench, marching until you were eye to eye to him.

"I want half the winnings."

Rolling his eyes, he turned back to the living room, jumping onto the sofa.

"C'mon, let's watch one more episode before heading back," he said and you jumped in next to him, patting the space next to you as Corpse came in behind you.

You grabbed Sykkunos hand and squeezed it, letting him know that you were grateful that he didn't make it such a big deal. Leaning your head on corpses shoulder, you smiled to yourself.

You'd have to leave in 30 minutes, to drive back to your parents and spend the rest of Christmas with them, leaving Corpse behind. And that made you a bit sad sure, but it couldn't overpower the feeling of pure happiness at being here. At giving him a happier Christmas. You smiled as he pressed a kiss to the top of your head.

Nothing could overpower this feeling of absolute happiness.

fin.

Corpse husband taglist:  @mythicalamphitrite @ramble-writes @atsumubabe @anxiouskat5646 @itssierramcquade @xaestheticalien @jotaroslightning @starstruckllamapuppy @gxldenskiez @shinyshimaagain @cavanana @fee-btheweeb (send an ask to be added!)

#corpse x reader #corpse husband x reader #corpse husband #corpse x y/n #corpse x you #corpse husband fanfiction #sykkunos sister #sykkuno fanfic #hope you enjoy #love yous

[uwurakax]

another day ♡

pairing: oikawa x f!reader ♡

genre: angsty // exes // mutual pining ♡

summary: after the constant fighting and bubbling insecurities, you and oikawa both decide that breaking up is probably for the best. too bad that it wasn’t what either if you had wanted ♡

♡ read part one ‘save your tears’ here ♡

word count: 2k ♡

author’s note: super tired, i should be packing but im not lol, 4am gang ayyy. as always not proofread because i cannot stomach the idea of rereading what i wrote. this was what originally ‘save your tears’ was going to be, but part one got too long so haha. spoils of part one, so if you haven’t read it go ahead, or don’t lolol it could be read alone ig hurr hurr ♡

♡ (inspired by save your tears - the weeknd/ariana grande) ♡

At one point in time, you would’ve enjoyed an atmosphere like this; the blaring lights, pounding music, and even the heat radiating off warm bodies in a cramped space. It was much more enjoyable when you had the familiar, comforting presence of him.

Yes him: Oikawa Tōru. Also known as the the guy who broke your heart less than two months ago. You hadn’t seen him since the week after, finally being able to pick up everything and go. It was scary how silent it was between you two. The unit the both of you had made a home, your first home with him, just a little more barren. Just a little more bare.

Just a little more empty.

Once homely rooms were now plain. To anyone else, it could be called minimalistic or modern. Sleek if you were to exaggerate it. To the both of you however, it was just stone cold. A lifeless corpse. One poor imitation of what it once was.

And seeing it like this was almost enough to have your heart break for a second time. It was a physical representation of your relationship. The feelings of warmth, comfort, admiration, any and every word any literary body could ever akin to love was once found here. It was sad to see it gone, almost like it was never there. However if you looked past the surface you’d see all the small details of things that once occupied the room. The once full drawers now easily fitting clothes with plenty of room to spare. A countertop with products only to one half of the sink. The minuscule dust imprints left behind on the shelves that once housed your books.

The lingering smell of your perfume that was once so prominent.

You couldn’t tell, but Oikawa could. In the week you were gone, it slowly started to fade. The first night Oikawa was drowning in it. It clung to, what once was, your pillow and on the blanket. Choking and suffocating him with the sweet smell. He couldn’t bear to see the bed without you in it, and hated the God awful smell. Opening the window and facing away, he had a dreamless sleep that night.

And as the week passed, so did the scent of you.

He couldn’t explain why, but the moment he opened the door, his body felt at ease. His eyes blessed, even if you had those dark circles and slightly red eyes with unkempt hair. It was as if it was instinct to feel relief at being near you.

It was the longest few hours of Oikawa’s life that day, and somehow it was still just too short. Helping you gather your things, putting them into boxes and loading them into a tiny hired truck until eventually there was nothing left.

You were gone from the apartment, and now Oikawa’s life.

It was awkward the second time, saying goodbye. The finality of it all dawning on the both of you. You at least had this excuse to see each other once more. After this, there was nothing. No more reasons to come back, to call, message or even see each other again.

This was officially the last time you’d ever get to see Oikawa Tōru.

You’d both stood there for a few moments, only the wind against leaves and the occasional car offering any sort of background noise. Neither of you wanting or willing for this moment to end. Despite it all, it wasn’t hard to see that you both yearned for each other. Just how cruel it was that you couldn’t see it.

Oikawa kept your pillow close that night. The smell of you was so faint, he was sure that it wouldn’t be too long before it completely faded. As he held the plush item near his chest he couldn’t help but wonder what kind of life he could’ve had with you if he wasn’t so prideful? All the fantasies and white picket fences surged in his mind, and so he finally drifted off to sleep, thinking of you.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

“Here”

You turned to see your best friend handing you a glass of, well you weren’t sure exactly but anything to dull your senses at this point was okay in your book. Yes, almost two months since your breakup and you were still so torn. It was what he wanted right? Your lives are better this way. You’re sure his is. He wouldn’t have to hear you “nag” as he so put it, and you didn’t have to feel the exhaustion resulting because of it.

It was better this way. You knew it. Oikawa knew it. Your friends and family knew it. Heck even the old ladies down the damn street knew it.

So why did it feel so shitty.

You downed the drink quickly, not wanting to go through the spiral of emotions you were sure you were going to experience. You’d deal with the pain and hangover tomorrow like the adult you were. For now you just wanted to dance till your feet hurt, and then drink until they stopped hurting. A quick descent into self destruction that you’re sure you’d regret.

Or maybe you wouldn’t.

The moment you turned your head to get back to the dance floor you locked eyed with him.

For a moment you stopped breathing. The music faded out quickly and the patrons of the club disappeared. Suddenly it was just you and him.

He looked good this time around, nothing like the last time you saw him. His perfectly fluffed and styled hair that was just so effortlessly Oikawa had become messy bed head. His bright chocolate eyes that twinkled just a little with mischief when he smirked had become sunken. His whole demeanour had completely drooped into a depressive state. It hurt to see.

He wasn’t like that now. He looked like how he had been before. No longer were the remnants of a heartbroken man. Oikawa Tōru had gone back to his charming self once again.

A cute girl with silky, long black hair approached him and just as quick as they went, everything came flooding back; the music, people and you found yourself being able to breathe again.

She touched his arm and laughed. The look in her eyes filled with the glimmer coyness. Her body language oozed with flirty persona. It was all too familial.

You should’ve guessed that he’d date again. It wasn’t like he couldn’t. The moment you both severed the relationship he had every right to do what he wanted. You did too. Sure you were seeing someone, but it wasn’t like that.

All too, touchy-feely.

It hurt to see, you weren’t going to lie. Seeing the way he touched her, held her, danced with her. For a good portion of the night you saw it. Seeing him be with her, the way he used to with you. No longer being the main character in his story; you were in the audience, watching.

You didn’t want to stay until the ending.

Without a word, you briskly brushed passed sweaty bodies, being bumped a few times before you finally made it to the door and opened it.

You walked a couple paces to the middle of the footpath, deeply inhaling the fresh air. It wasn’t suffocating anymore. You fumbled with your purse, reaching inside to pull out your phone. With the glow of neon lights emanating behind you, you saw a stray tear on the blackness of your screen.

Fuck, when did that happen?

You wiped it with the palm of your hand, and went to unlock your phone. As you prepared to send a text you heard the call of your voice.

“Tōr-Oikawa?”

He mentally winced at this, the formal tone of using his surname struck something inside. He didn’t like it, not at all. It wasn’t right, it felt strange.

“What are you doing here?”

“What are you doing here? You followed me”

“Right... I guess I just wanted to see how you were, that’s all” he looked away, awkwardly scratching the back of his head. You softened at this. It just took you back to why you fell for him in the first place. The little things like this, that made you feel cared for and loved. Perhaps for a few minutes you could be delusional and pretend that Oikawa still cared for you.

“I’m fine, what about you? How is everything going?” Yikes. You cringed at how awkward you were being. You supposed that that’s how it was, not exactly friends and not complete strangers either.

“Yeah fine too...” he trailed off, and just like that you were brought back to that time before you left. Before the official goodbye. Not ready to end things just yet, but neither knowing what more to say.

Just for a little while, let me remember every trace, curve and detail.

You didn’t know what came over you, but soon enough you found yourself drawing closer to Oikawa. He looked at you with half lidded eyes, not daring to move a step, almost afraid if he did it would ruin this moment with you. Yes, it was selfish but...

You lifted your hand to cup his cheek, just like a memory from before. Using the pad of your thumb, you gently brushed over the soft skin. Ever so delicately, you traced down his jaw. The intimacy of your movements crossed a boundary between you. You knew it and he did too. You’d let yourselves be greedy though.

Oikawa raised his own hands to touch your face, perfectly ingraining it into his mind and body. His fingers slowly going over your features. He wouldn’t allow himself to forget any part of you.

It wasn’t long until you both wanted to overstep more.

The longing between you too great to try and stop. Eventually you both moved closer, faces and soul alike reaching for the other. Just a bit closer.

“Y/N?”

“Oikawa?”

You both frantically pulled away, heart racing now.

“Kageyama..”

“Tobio”

Oikawa tried to hide the venom in his voice, he really did, but when he saw Kageyama make his way beside you he couldn’t help but see red.

It didn’t seem like life was playing a very fair game.

“Oikawa are you alright?” He looked down at the petite girl beside him, now clinging to his arm. He threw on one of his brilliant smiles and told her it was okay.

“Are you cold? Here” Oikawa couldn’t keep up that smile for too long, not when he saw him putting his jacket around you. How you snuggled into the warmth. How it showed Oikawa that you were no longer his, and that you now found solace in another.

He couldn’t blame you, he knew that deep inside. He did the same, why shouldn’t you? It didn’t stop the burning hatred and envy he felt. The overwhelming sadness that enveloped him. All a heavy dump of emotions thrown on him within a few seconds.

You felt it too though. That girl hanging off his arm. Getting to parade around that Oikawa was hers. It was totally unreasonable to feel this way. You both ended things. It was mutual right? You would’ve told him and he would’ve told you if this breakup was a mistake right?

Right?

“Wanna go?” Kageyama whispered in your ear. You nodded.

“It was nice seeing you again T-Oikawa” you smiled sadly.

“You too Y/N...bye” you both turned away, walking in opposite directions. With every step, your heartache grew just a little more. Almost like your body needed to be near his, the memories it held being more truthful than your head could ever be.

Your heart, body and soul wanted Oikawa.

Your mind told you to let him go for his sake.

“Hey Y/N?”

“Hey Oikawa?”

“Yes Kageyama?”

“Hmm?”

“He was your ex right? Oikawa?”

“That girl back there, is she her? The ex?

“Yeah he was”

“Yeah, she was”

“Do you still love him?”

“Do you still love her?”

There was a pause and you both stopped, mulling the question over.

Did you still love each other? It wasn’t hard to tell, everyone knew the answer. Ask any stranger but...

“No”

..

...

..

You both lied.

#haikyuu x reader #oikawa x reader #hq x reader #haikyuu!! x reader #haikyuu angst #hq angst #oikawa angst

[wizkiddx]

...surprise

um okay so here I am trying angst again. this is kind of intended to be open ended bcos might have a part two at some point. im also lazy and has a few time jumps. also if someone could pls explain if you just get pics for the top of these off internet or credit on like gifs or something that’d be appreciated.

Summary: Tom comes home and everything is most definitely not the way he left, nor is it healthy

Warnings: please read with caution esp relationship with food / weightloss, but just generally a person in a bad bad head space, lots of self blame - then next parts will carry different warnings too

************************

Tom had been away for months. Months and months away from his girlfriend, separated entirely by his filming locations in Europe and America; while you were busy slowly and steadily climbing the ranks of your law firm. Being an intense period for the pair, you hadn’t managed to see each other in 2 and a half months.  Of course, both go you were used to this - 3 years deep into a relationship between an actor and a wanna-be lawyer- this was the name of the game.

But honestly? You both just kept falling deeper and deeper, making the separation harder to deal with - rather than getting used to it as one might hope.

That's why Tom felt such an incredibly overwhelming wave of relief as he dumped his bags just outside his front door. Even though he was exhausted from the travelling, just the mere act of finally phishing out his housekeys brought a massive grin to his face - caused particularly by the sight of his tacky little keyring from a Moroccan market that you’d bought him. That had been your first holiday. There’s that old saying that before you move in with someone go on holiday first - Tom understood it to mean you supposedly see all the bad and ugly stuff people can hide from each other, a prewiring before committing to living in the same space. However that holiday all he’d learned was incredible you are to him. To his dying day, Tom will never forget the moment he looked over to his left when the two of you were on this night time stargaze in the depth of the Moroccan desert. Y/n had never seen stars like it, the skies so incredibly clear and lit up with an array of magical blues and purples and whites on its sark background. The sight, for no unexplainable reason, had you completely opening up to Tom about things she’d never told a single soul. And in that moment he’d had this sort of realisation. Not about how much he loved her - because that is just the cliche thing everyone says… and also just wasn’t true.

In that moment he’d rather realised the potential. The sort of ‘I’m not there yet but I know you could become the centre of my universe’. The sort of ‘I’m not ready to say this yet, but I want to spend my life with you’. The sort of ‘at some point in my life I’m not sure my heart will be able to beat without yours’.

He still hadn’t quite got to explicitly saying all that yet, by asking you for the ultimate commitment. But he planned to now he was coming back to you.

Even with the chill of the early evening winter air, Tom was almost ecstatic as he unlocked the door and let himself in. He hadn’t told you that he was coming home, you thought he had another two weeks on the job, but Tom was a bit of an old romantic - he loved seeing your eyes fill with wonder as he surprised you in whatever way. Sometimes it was as simple as a note on the fridge, or a small bouquet from behind his back or as fancy as a surprise holiday.

However, this time, though it was only 6 in the evening, all the lights of their house were off making Tom raise an eyebrow as he quietly slipped off his shoes - not wanting to scare Y/n just in case.

Tom had sworn when he’d been on the phone with you the previous day, you didn’t have any plans tonight but perhaps maybe a spontaneous pub trip and been offered with work colleagues. The house felt a little cold as he padded through it, poking his head into every room just to check Y/n wasn’t there. His last port of call was the bedroom.

By this point, Tom was pretty resigned on the fact you were out and he’d maybe cook a meal for when you got back or hide about the house or something. But instead, when he poked his head around this door, he sighed in delight at the sight of a still mound under the plush white sheets. For a brief moment, Tom paused, before tiptoeing steadily round to her bedside. The light was still off but the hallway light illuminated the room enough so he could make out your soft features and the messy ball of hair that had been haphazardly thrown in a bun. Furthermore, he could also notice in the light the packet of painkillers and migraine tablets lying opened on the bedside - which made him freeze. Y/n didn’t get migraines often at all, but when she did Tom knew just how bad they could be. That explained the fact you were spark out at six o’clock, making Tom give a sympathetic smile. He crept back out the room with a little spring in his step, deciding that since he had had a long day travelling he'd grab a snack and join you. Unfortunately though, when he enthusiastically yanked the fridge open the sight was a rather depressing one. He didn’t really know what he was craving but the fridge contents were of almost no use to anyone. The place was bloody baron, apart from a tub of butter and of course his special beers that Y/n would never dare touch. With a small huff though, Tom resigned himself to some bread and butter, before getting ready for bed.

It was probably an hour later when Tom was carefully crawling under the duvet to settle in beside Y/n after the disappointing snack and maybe a solitary ‘welcome home beer’ - it would be rude not to. God was he excited to just have his girlfriend in his arms again though. So, Tom naturally reached over and powerfully yet gently pulled you back towards him - making your back flush with his as you mumbled something incoherent. Chuckling slightly at your apparent annoyance of being disturbed, Tom pressed a kiss to her temple before settling down momentarily.

But something wasn’t quite right, making Tom shuffle about a bit - ever adjusting huis grasp on your waist as he attempted to get comfy. With the migraine medications forcing you into a deep deep sleep you barely stirred and that just made the unease increase for Tom. Because you didn’t feel right. This didn’t feel right. Ever so slowly Tom started to peel back the duvet from your body from his now sitting upright position. Typically, Y/n was wearing one of his hoodies, however more concerningly it seemed to pool and collect around your frame more than normal.

Now, Y/n was never the most petite person in the world - by no means overweight, instead of beautiful curves and muscle. To Tom now though, it was as if someone had literally shrunk you - like a picture on a word document you needed to make narrower to fit the margins. Even in the dim light of the bedroom he know realised you looked pale. Honestly, Tom didn’t know how long he just sat there staring at you, until you sighed a little and pulled the duvet back up to just under your chin.

He didn’t know what to think or do. All he knew was you didn’t look well and that you hadn’t said a thing to him. Feeling so very uncomfortable within himself, Tom climbed out the bed and simultaneously grabbed his phone. He knew he had to call someone, to check that you hadn’t been ill - but then who to call? Someone that wouldn’t judge or instantly worry- your mum was completely off the cards. Also, he hadn’t even given you the chance to explain yet, so really he knew there was only a couple of options who were close enough to him too.

“Hey what’s up?” “Um nothing much, back in the UK though so-“ “Oh shit really! Kept that one quite bro” “Yeh well came back to surprise Y/n” “Oh you're soooo whipped” “Fuck off Haz, have you um… have you seen her recently anyway?” “You're asking me if I’ve seen your girl while you’ve been away?” “I’m being serious. You’re pretty much brother and sister and I’m -I’m a bit worried.” “What? You know she wouldn’t cheat especially with me” Haz’s tone turned less serious, using a goofy accent “ I know too much.” Haz still attempted to lighten the mood, this conversation very unexpected and making him grow more and more concerned himself. “Haz quit it. I’m worried she’s been ill. I’ve come in and she’s asleep with a migraine but there’s no food in the fridge and she’s skinny as hell.” “Fuck er sorry I didn’t realise. But um no she’s been cancelling on us for the past like two weeks cos like…I don’t know said she was just snowed under at the firm so” “But before then?” “No yeh she was fine. Went to the pub a couple times and she always drove so didn’t drink but nothing weird - think she wanted to keep a clear head. What are you thinking?” “I don’t know to be honest mate. She seemed fine on the phone but I swear to god she looks half the size  of what she was when I left.” “Just talk to her in the morning? She probably is just stressed if work has been mad busy.” Tom hummed in agreement, half trying to convince himself too. “Yeh yeh, sorry for bothering you.” “Oh shut up mate - I’ll see you both at your parents for the roast tomorrow? Sams got some new recipe I think, he’s been wittering on about it for days.” “Yeh we’ll be there, see you then mate.” 

After signing off to Haz, Tom placed his phone on the little table on the upstairs hallway and sighed. He knew he was being over-protective but he couldn’t help it. Y/n was always the one to care for him, in fact to care for everybody int he room and then some.

He’d get to the bottom of whatever this was tomorrow, and so the rest of the evening Tom spent rather unhappily get ready before bed yet again before climbing back in next to you.

///////////////////////////

Tom woke before you, a combination of jet lag and the worry in the pit of his stomach meaning he stirred awake first. Instinctively he pulled you closer and nuzzled his nose into the side of your neck as he slowly began to wake up properly - shrugging off the grogginess. Tom was still really excited for you to realise he was back, predicting you  to excitedly hug him ever so tight and then spend the morning between the sheets. He knew you found the distance tough, especially when all your closest friends were coupled off, it meant you just didn’t have ‘your person’. It was almost as if you were single again and instead of pining over an ex, hopelessly and completely in love with someone across the globe. But that just made your time together even more invaluable and precious.

So even with his slight unease at your slimmer silhouette, Tom didn't have any control over the loopy grin that came to his face as you started to stir and mumble something incoherent, all the while (and subconsciously) inching closer towards him. By the slight fluttering under your eyelid, Tom knew you were waking up and so took the moment to tuck your frizzy bed hair behind your ear. Sighing contently Y/n’s eyes fluttered completely open and Tom met your gaze with the most gently of smiles.

However, he then watched moment by moment as your expression morphed for one of peacefulness and content, through confusion, and ending at pure terror. He had barely thought of asking you why, before you yelped, throwing yourself up into a sitting position and backing as far away on the bed as you could from Tom. “TOM... I-you can’t be here! YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE!” “Y/n hey what’s wrong-“ “GET OUT! G-GET THE FUCK OUT! YOU CAN’T BE HERE” you  yanked the bedsheets to completely cover your huddled up body, as if trying to protect yourself. At this point, tears were streaming down your face and what truly terrified Tom was the expression of horror in your eyes. He threw his hands in the air and unsteadily stumbled to his feet. “O-okay I’m-“ “GET OUT!!! YOU CAN'T SEE ME GET OUT!” Completely bemused and shocked, Tom just nodded jerkily -already halfway out the door and accidentally slamming it in haste.

He had absolutely zero clue what that was about. But what he knew for a fact? He’d never ever seen you like that… you looked so completely terrified… of him? Tom couldn’t for the life of him work out what the hell was going on, as he paced from the shut door to the hallway wall and back again, running his hand through his hair throughout. He could hear you sobbing and whisper yelling - presumably at yourself. It felt as though his heart was being torn out, seeing you that upset and it appearing as his fault? He was acting on pure instinct and adrenalin because your pain hurt him too. He had no control of the physiological response in his body, making his hands shake and breathing increase in speed as it inversely got shallower too.

And so he took a short inhalation, biting his bottom lip as he knocked on the door. “Y/n?….” He got no response after waiting a couple of seconds so tried again - because he could hear you trying to stifle your sobs. After another two failed attempts he opted for a different approach. “Y/n… I’m worried about you… look, I know your upset right now but I need you to let me know your okay… or I’ll have to come in and…and I don’t want to spook you” “Don’t come in.” It was a sharp reply, with a voice that was cracked and clearly trying to keep It together. “Okay… I-I’m sorry if my surprise of coming home was a dumb idea…I-I’ve missed you.” Tom tried speaking softly, as he knelt down and sat with this back against the wall while nervously fiddling with his watch strap that he’d forgot to take off last night. Again he waited for a response but got nothing, again having to warn you he needed to know you were okay. He heard movements from the other side of the door, making him turn his head to the left, pressing his ear on the cool gloss paint. “I-I’m sorry” You barely were whispering, but Tom could sense you were now sitting in a position mirroring his “You don’t meed to apologise love” Returning her tone, Tom sighed at the end - trying to get his brain to process what was going on.

Y/n wasn’t one to overreact and Tom could count on one hand the number of serious fights they’d had in the three year romance. And even then, he was the one to raise his voice - when she argued it was more reasoned, slow and controlled. Actually it was one of the things that in those moments infuriated him even more - you were just so level headed and sensible. Scratch that, sensible purely in this context - everywhere else you were just as loopy as him. So this situation felt so very alien. He didn’t know how to help you and he bloody hated feeling useless.

After a few moments, you replied to apologise once again, for shouting specifically,  and Tom nodded - not that you could see. But that was one of the things Y/n had taught him, sometimes you just have accept things - no matter the context. Accept he wasn’t actually a superhero and couldn’t do everything, accept that sometimes he could be a dick and out of line or accept an apology.

“Can you.. can you try and tell me why your upset? I want to help.” He was trying to be gentle, non-confrontational. But he knew something was so wrong. He needed to know so he could try and help out. “I…”Y/n began, but quickly trailed off, as if trying to formulate the words properly. “I’ve just been ill and” again another pause “and I haven’t been looking after myself very well. I just planned to be umm- to be better when you got back.”

It wasn’t a lie. It wasn’t really the truth either, at least not the whole truth. But it wasn’t a lie.

“I’m not sure I understand why your so worried about what I think though?” Tom inquired, as he started to fiddle with the door handle in his left hand - as if easing the idea of coming into his girlfriend without scaring you. In reply, you sighed again trying to put the words together without explicitly spelling it out to him. “I don’t- I thought you’d just be disappointed or-or think I’m reliant on you. I’m not and I can handle myself I just…. I don’t know.” “I love you, you idiot.”Tom chuckled at that, while standing up. “Can I come in now please? I promise I’m not disappointed just want to help you feel better.”

The door opened and no sooner could Tom take a step forward than Y/n ran into his chest, wrapping herself tightly around him in apology. He knew that he didn’t have the full story but really didn’t want to push her, more preferring to just love her. So that’s what they spent the rest of the morning doing, in their pyjamas and watching TV. Quite obviously, she wasn’t really making a lot of conversation, Tom filled some gaps with talking about filming - to which she’d hum in agreement or chuckle along. But for the most part Y/n was concentrating on something else.

The all-consuming guilt. That was what was eating away at her.

part 2?

#tom holland #tom holland x reader #Tom Holland angst

[morizoras-cave]

Pick Me Up (Request)

Tom Holland x gn!teen!co-star!reader, Jake Gyllenhaal x gn!teen!co-star!reader

Genre: angst, fluff

Request Description: tom holland! x teen!costar!reader and jake gyllenhaal x teen!costar!reader where the reader occasionally attends school irl. one day after school, the reader doesn't show up on set and everyone starts worrying. tom and jake try to call her and when she finally answers, she's crying and asking them to pick her up. they meet her and find out that she's been attacked by hater/bullies and they both get super mad and protective. thank you!

Warnings: bullying, insecurity, depression, violence, physical assault, language

(A/N): there will be an a/n tomorrow. i will probably be taking a break from writing for a little bit (like a week or two i estimate). im starting at a boarding school, and i really want to adjust and not force myself to write right at the start. anyway more details will be released tomorrow

You were always picked on. Ever since you were very small, kids had always loved pushing you around and teasing you. Nothing changed as you got older. You’d think that perhaps being casted in a movie would change something. It just didn’t.

It wasn’t a great feeling, that you were destined to be a loser. It just seemed that no one liked you. Or at least no one liked you enough to stand up to your bullies. 

When you were cast in a Marvel movie, you thought that you would get a vacation from that endless tormenting. Of course, you knew you’d be doing homework and assignments a your hotel still, but not physically being there was the dream for you.

Even that didn’t pan out. Your school was strict. Thankfully, the personnel at Marvel negotiated with them, and a schedule was made. You had three real-life school days each month. It was better but your bullies still seemed determined to stay on your mind. 

They never lay a finger on you. Nothing beyond pushing and tripping ever happened. That’s why it was so shocking, when one day in the break, someone slapped you right across the face.

Then you felt a push, a kick, and a punch, and after that it all muddled into a painful rain of blows to your body. You were crouched in the grass behind the school, and seven kids were kicking and hitting you, some of them spitting on you.

“You little bitch!”

“Do you think just ‘cause you’re in a movie, you’re suddenly worth something?”

“This bitch thinks they’re better than us now.”

“Let’s show them how fucking pathetic they really are!” 

You didn’t know when you started crying. Probably immediately. It was hard to keep track of yourself and everyone around you, when you were so overwhelmed. It was hard to process the situation, so you rather just tried to live through it. At some point they left, and you didn’t. You kept lying there, sobbing, clutching your stomach and aching body. It felt like you were on fire. 

Meanwhile, that particular day you actually had to come to set and film after school, something that thankfully didn’t happen often (as it was kind of stressful to do both in one day). You were running late.

“Is Y/n here yet?” someone yelled throughout the set. The director was sitting in his chair, rubbing his head and tapping his foot impatiently. “No!” it came from the other side of set. 

While most of the set workers were pretty pissed that you weren’t there, your costars, the people who’d gotten to know you the best, were worried. You were punctual. One time, when you lost track of time doing homework, you ran to set, to get there on time. In other words, something was definitely wrong. 

“I’ve sent them, like, 70 messages,” Tom mumbled, scrolling through your conversation on messenger. Your costars were gathered together on set, sitting or standing in a circle and waiting. 

“This isn’t like them,” Zendaya shook her head worryingly. The other people in the circle mumbled in agreement. The set was unorganized, chaotic, people were dashing back and forth everywhere. Things could not go forward without you present. 

“I’m gonna call them,” Jake said finally, convinced after watching a set worker look at a clipboard, widen their eyes, and then massage their temples cartoonishly. 

He whipped out his phone and clicked on your number. Ringing ensued. The others actors watched him, aching to know what was wrong. 

“Hello?” 

Jake knew immediately that something was very wrong. His mind was already racing, wondering what could’ve gotten you so upset. Your voice was snotty and shaking. You sounded like you’d been crying. 

“Hi, N/n. How are you doing? You okay?” Jake’s voice was gentle, but he couldn’t stop the overflow of questions coming form his mouth. His chest rumbled with worry. 

“I’m- I- I’m not alright. Can you.. Can you pick me up?” your voice, thought gravelly and low, was somehow still the softest thing he’d ever heard. You sounded so vulnerable. 

“Of course. Of course I’ll come. Where are you?” Jake made eye contact with a couple of the actors, whose faces were now twisted into concerned frowns and furrowed brows.

“At school.” 

“Alright, I’ll come get you now, can you wait outside?” 

Jake ran to his car, Tom trailing right behind him. 

“What happened to her? Jake, wait up!” 

When they got to you, you looked so small, crying and shaking on the sidewalk. Your arms and legs and your face were red. 

“What happened to you?” Jake exclaimed, practically jumping out of the car, and crouching down beside you. You looked up at him, clenching your jaw. Your eyelashes were dripping. 

“These kids.. They.. They beat me up,” you sobbed, hiding your face in your arms again. Jake frowned, heart clenching. He gently placed a hand on your back, and then pulled you into a careful hug. 

Tom was shaking, watching you. His heart physically hurt seeing you like that, but mostly he just wanted to beat up those kids. He wanted to make them pay. 

“Tom, calm down,” Jake whispered to him, gesturing to you in his arms. Tom softened. He knew that beating them up would do nothing. They had to focus on you. For now.

Tom crouched down as well, so they were both hugging you and rubbing your back. You, aching and feeling worthless, unable to handle it by yourself, felt yourself eased at their presence. It felt almost like everything would be fixed with them there.

You pulled away, no longer crying. Now everything just hurt. 

“What are the names of the kids?” Tom’s voice was gravelly, as soon as you pulled back. It seemed like he had maintained some of the initial anger. 

“Tom, I-”

“I don’t want to fight about this, Y/n. Give me their names. I’m fucking serious,” Tom, although angry, was still holding onto your hand for dear life. His thumb brushed over the back of your hand invitingly. You looked to Jake, but he wasn’t going to help you protect those kids. 

You told them their names. At least the ones who usually bullied you and the ones whose voices you recognized. You could tell that ‘usually bullied’ angered Tom and Jake. 

“How long has this been going on?” Jake asked and his voice was much softer than Tom. You scoffed. 

“Way longer than I’ve known you guys!” you were actually getting annoyed at this point. What did they think you were going to beg them for help, so they could magically fix your life? 

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Tom blurted out. His feelings were stronger than his head. He clenched your hand.

“I didn’t want to be unprofessional! I didn’t- I didn’t want to be a bother!” 

“Well, I think the friendship we all share is more than professional. We’re friends, Y/n. You should tell friends when you’re bothered by something! Because look at you now-” his voice broke. Tom choked up, eyes red as a single tear slid down his face. He wiped it away. Guilt coated your insides, bile rising in your throat. 

Every inch they could see was bruised. Your eyes were puffy, and you were sitting on the sidewalk helplessly. You were beaten down. No one wants to see their friend like that. 

“Alright,” Jake cleared his throat, “how about we go back to the hotel now? I’ll make a few calls with the set and your parents, and we’ll make sure those kids aren’t there the next time you go to school. And we’ll get some ice for those bruises.”

You didn’t answer for a moment. Then you nodded. 

Jake did exactly that, whilst you lay on your bed, holding ice to your arms, and wrapped in your duvet. Tom hugged you there silently, Jake talking in the other room. 

“Don’t hide that stuff,” Tom mumbled tiredly. You nodded, “Let’s go to sleep.”

“I agree,” and then you both fell asleep like it was nothing. When Jake had finished the dozens of phone calls, he came back into your room, only to see you and Tom asleep in an adorable hug. He smiled, because despite your awful experience that day, you looked so happy with your friend. Jake knew you would be okay before you even knew it yourself, but he was right. You would be okay. :)

___________________________

Tag List:

@hera-the-writer @marvel-madness @40srogcrs @whatthefuckimbisexual @snarky–starky @garbage-potato @lozzypoz321 @allthecreativeonesaretaken @missamericana713 @rororo06 @shady80smusicsingercolor @ireadfanficforfun @deephideoutmilkshake @rae-is-typing @sophs-library @herecomesthewriterwitch @alicedanganh @eviemarvel @idk123906

#tom holland x reader #jake gyllenhaal x reader #spiderman x reader #spiderman cast x reader #marvel cast x reader #mcu cast x reader #avengers cast x reader #avengers cast x teen!reader #marvel cast x teen!reader #mcu cast x teen!reader #spiderman cast x teen!reader

[emotionalsupportshelby]

Hi, I'm depressed it's almost 1am and I'm gonna blog my Peaky episode watch:

Episode: Series 4 episode 3

Let's go

My dad said Paul walks like a ape, and it's, all I see now... Like with both arms at the same time

Michael gives me so many mixed feelings but it's cute that his, adoptive mum showed up in the hospital

Village Michael was the best Michael

Does the adoptive mum know it was Michael's decision not to go back? She's out here, blaming Tommy, like babe... Tommy wanted Michael to go, he refused

ADA MY BABY

Polly counting the days she's gone without a fuck 😭 legendary behaviour only, you go be with someone unsuitable ma'am, we rooting for you

Hi Ada saying "behave yourself" is lowkey fucking hot

You never behave yourself Pol you go down with legends

Only Cillian could rock Harry Potter glasses with that Haircut and I am here for it

I'll make a post on this, later but Tommy needs a, woman like Linda, a women who gets him away for the Buisness

Im not a fan of Linda but Kate is gorgeous 😍

Why is everyone in this cast so hot though

No but I had to watch the Arthur and Linda, sex scene with my dad 😭😭 there's others but this is by far the worst 😭 I hate every time we get there 😭

"keep his balls empty and his belly full" Linda's mum >>>>

I hate myself for thinking this but I wonder if Helens hair drastically changed to this shorter one because she was going through treatment..it looks similar to my aunts, who went through breast cancer so I'm like 👀

Probably not cuz it's years before but.... Who knows

The paint fight scene must have been so fun to film... I love watching it each time

"I'm here as a lover of theatre" Me introducing my theatre nerd ass

I alwaud forget how good Adrien is in Peaky... Season 4 is one of my least favourite seasons but Adrien kills it as Luca even though I dislike his character in general

Arthur he had a fucking vote because it was planned to have the vote Just because you were getting fucked doesn't mean that stops

Arthur... John shoulda killed his teacher... Its not on you it's on his dumb ass

Kates smile is GORGEOUS

Arthur and Linda are a toxic relationship on each end and I hate that neither of them are getting happiness

She's trying to help you get out of the life which is damaging you Arthur, don't go Bat shit at her

100% found out that I've developed a new crush on Kate just now...can't wait to rewatch with this knowledge

"you have a lot of enemies" no shit mate... No fucking shit

JESSIE BABY HOW I HAVE MISSED YOU

and your muppet dress

You cannot say that that dress don't look like it's got muppet on

Ti's the Muppet dress..

Okay I made a post on this before but Cillians subtle yet heartbreaking acting when Greta gets brought up is a hyper fixation every damn time I watch this episode... Here's, my gif from last time

He looks so broken and I can't explain how much I love his acting choice there... Whether he even knew he was doing it or not

I'm so angry Jessie isn't coming back next series 😭

Her and Cillian had so much on screen (for lack of better word) chemistry and I'm sad we won't get any more of it 😭

Greta is still Tommys truest love and possibly his ownly love and I will go to my grave thinking that

Jessie/Charlie deserves SO much more love than she got and I'm forever bitter about how dirty she was done

Cillians acting in this scene is heartbreakingly subtle yet beautiful and I'm in awe

Arthur firing the bullet, I'm not a HUGE Arthur fan but he needs to go and get therapy and find happiness

Lizzie is under appreciated as the woman who isn't with Tommy... She is so much more than Tommy's wife

"Tommy said yes, Arthur said yes"

"but did God say yes" - I love Polly 😭

Finn trying to be in charge, bby no

As someone who has been to Blackpool... That is the happiest look you will ever see... I stayed at a hotel there for a con and it didn't even have a fucking window... We were in a box... I feel Tommy had the same experience

Lizzie, Polly and Linda arranging a girl for Finn gives more proof that he's fruity 🍓

"nice women don't do that sort of thing"

"yes they do, look at you" - we love sweet Tommy one liners 🥺

Hi if tommy wants to take me to the docks Id love that because it's, precious as fuck 🥺

He is fully in his head fucking Greta here but its still a fucking sweet moment and I love it

HE PROMISED GRETA HE WAS GOING TO CHANGE THE WORLD GUYS I CANT 😭

The way he goes back to talking business straight after having sex 😭 boy, rest dammit

"I don't want it like that ever again Tom" cuz you are interested in the other gender?

This scene woulda been a great one for Finn to come out to Tommy and I'm bitter it didn't happen, Steven recognise he ain't straight dammit

I remember watching the scene where Polly 'betrays" Tommy the first time and being so fucking pissed 😂 Still lowkey stresses me the fuck out

I always think I dislike S4 until I watch it and then I'm like damn... What a masterpiece ✨

Top 3 thinks I've thought:

1. Wow Kate is gorgeous and I hate that I've ignored it this long

2. Tommys romantic side who has his guard down needs to be shown more

3. It's not gonna be the same without Helen, I just pray they do it respectfully 🙏🏻🙏🏻

Ahhh that was fun... Hope you enjoyed my commentary 😂

(it's now 2am...oops 🙈)

#cillian murphy #thomas shelby #tommy shelby #peaky blinders #bbc peaky blinders #peaky fookin blinders #thomasshelby #peaky fucking blinders #ada shelby #arthur shelby #polly shelby #polly gray #michael gray #linda shelby #jessie eden #sophie rundle #helen mccrory #finn cole #kate phillips #paul anderson #charlie murphy #by order of the peaky blinders #emotionalsupportshelby #watch peaky with molly

[nebula-jazz]

His World part 5

Dragon Alpha Bakugou x omega reader

warnings: this part has depictions of violence. Please do not report or hate. This is just how I have set up my story.

Your recovery was slow but a certain Alpha didn’t leave. When you were well enough he introduced you to his friends. Or you assumed that they were his friends, he refused to say so. There was a blonde named Denki, a redhead named Kirishima, a pink haired girl named Mina, and a brunette named Sero.

They came and said hello one at a time and at different times. This struck you as odd. You had met Kirishima last and had asked what was going on. He paused, Bakugou had left to go see if you had any meat left in your shead and Kirishima had made sure he was gone. He sighed.

“You can’t tell Bakugou that I told you but...” He hesitated as he tried to find the words to explain. “He asked if we could help watch over your land... That alpha that had threatened is still trying to get you.”

You felt the blood leave your face. Your skin prickled with mild panic. You had to go into town in a few weeks. Winter was ending and at the beginning of spring the king would gather taxes for land, food and protection. And even though your land was separate you still were taxed heavily on food and ‘protection’. King Endeavor was not a kind man to people who lived on dragon land especially since his son had ran off with one.

You explained what was going to happen and Kirishima’s face dropped.

“Are you sure you pay taxes? I mean you don’t live on his land.” You smiled sadly at his ignorance.

“Yes I do. I sell my vegetables in town so that I can have tools and clothes. And because of that he views me as a citizen. He especially knows I exist, since there are so few people who live on dragon land he has a specialized tax for people who do.” You heard a booming growl from behind you. You turned around to see a slightly pissed Bakugou.

“’Specialized tax’? What the fuck?!” You chuckled slightly at his anger. You felt endeared at his obvious worry.

“It’s just a few shekels more. The king claims says it’s for protection against dragons. But I don’t see why he always has me pay more than the other land owners. I think it's because my family was able to get more land from you guys than he ever will.” You said honestly. Kirishima seemed irritated this time. This surprised you because all you had seen from him that past several days was that he had the patience of a saint.

“It pisses me off that we are seen as a threat to everyone. It has been years upon years since any dragon has hurt any human without reason.” He ground out between his clenched teeth. You set a gentle on his shoulder and tried to make your scent calmer. You noticed the visible change of the two alphas.

“I have never been scared of you all. I only met one dragon before my parents...” You trailed off before you shook your head. “He was a decent sized golden dragon. My father said that he was the largest gold he had ever seen. The poor guy was coughing up blood and had a lot of internal injuries. We couldn’t do much. We did what we could before he left in the night and left a large part of his horde. My father said that because of his kindness we were able to live very comfortably and build most of what I have now. We could have had made this building more comfortable and fortified if our taxes didn’t go up so drastically.”

You finished with a sad sigh. They said nothing before you looked up and saw a unfamiliar look of awe on Bakugou’s face.

“You met the great dragon All Might?” He asked in a hushed whisper. Confused you nodded.

“Awesome..” Said Kirishima.

You sat in awkward silence as Bakugou started to cook. A feminine throat cleared and you looked over to a confused Mina holding a paper.

“Some dude was putting this on your fence on the border closest to the town.” Your face contorted into distaste.

“That must this years taxes. May I?” you asked and held out your hand she bounded over and handed the thick parchment over. You read over it slowly as to make sure you caught everything. When you reached the amount your mouth went dry. It was personal letter from the king.

Dear y/n l/n,

It has been brought to my attention that you have been harboring and nursing a dragon on your land. If you do not pay a fine of 300 gold by the last day of taxes you will be tried for treason. As you well know the punishment for treason for omegas is mutilation of all scent glands publicly. And all housing will be stripped from you.

Sincerely,

King Endeavor

“300 gold?” You whispered in horror. Mutilated scent gland ment painful heats, no mate ever, and would end with omega depression before death. You scent must’ve become bitter with your panic, because Bakugou stormed over and read over the post.

“Mutilation of scent glands?! No wonder Deku’s mate was in so much pain.” He growled. Mina’s and Kirishima’s scent spiked at the news.

“I don’t have 300. I only have 15.” You breathed. A sinking feeling settled in your stomach. 

“What did it say.” Asked Mina gently. You swallowed hard to try and get rid of the lump in your throat.

“Unless I pay 300 gold I will lose everything except the land and will be tried for treason.” Mina’s eyes brimmed with tears at your next words. “I will be found guilty because the king will be judge and jury... And all my scent glands will be mutilated publicly.”

You could smell all three of their scents turn burnt with anger. Kirishima spoke up. His voice broke in several places as he did.

“They willingly do that to omegas?” His eyes begged for the information to be a lie. You slowly nodded.

“Its horrifying to watch. They did a mated omega when I was younger. They were one of the only willingly mated couple and were very nice. They stripped her of all clothes and slowly destroyed each gland. I remember having nightmares from both of their screams.” The room became cold after that. 

Bakugou cleared his throat.

“But that won’t happen. You have enough right?” He said in a very gruff voice. Your throat constricted and you had to take several steading breaths as you stared at the ceiling to try and prevent tears. Your obvious distraught did not go unnoticed. The three alphas started pumping out calming scents as they all turned panicked.

“No. I don’t.”

~~~~~~

That night when you had gone to bed Bakugou paced in front of his friends. He had already talked to Kirishima and Kirishima was currently pacing the border. The three remaining friends watched him silently. Knowing that when he was ready, he would speak, as it was Bakugou who called them. Bakugou would pause clear his throat then go back to pacing.

Anxiety racked his brain even though it showed as anger. He had already made up his mind. He was just worried about his friends reactions. He finally turned on his heel and faced them. He was met with faces of concern and confusion.

“I’m flying back to my horde tomorrow night after Y/N goes to bed. I am not allowing that scumbag of a king to threaten my-” he cleared his throat again his face turning a slight shade of red. “Im not going to let Y/N get mutilated like that.” they all had to hold back laughter. Denki was the first to speak up.

“Your dragon has already chosen them. Hasn’t it?” Bakugou clicked his tongue.

“That’s all I wanted to say. Just protect them while I’m gone.” They nodded as he turned around and headed back into the house.

The answer was yes. And it was the most thrilling and terrifying thing that Bakugou was completely was ok. He started to live for all the small things that you did that he had noticed over the months he had stayed with you. It sent his stomach rolling and shivers up his spine. It sent him running yet wanting more. He was conflicted yet had made up his mind.

He quietly entered the upper room in which he had moved you. his scowl softened slightly as he gently traced your face. You sighed and cuddled into his hand. A small smile tugged at his lips and he tried to get up so he would sleep on the bottom floor. But your whimper of protest and you drowsy voice made his walls crumble.

“Stay...” Was your sleepy request. He let out a steady low purr as he carefully laid next to you. Your body visibly relaxed and you smiled and curled into his chest.

He knew you would embarrassed in the morning, but right now he just reveled in that he could hold you. So he wrapped his cape and arms around you and dozed.

Tags!!!!!

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#bnha bakugou #bakusquad #bakugou katsuki #katsuki bakugo x reader #alpha!bakugou #alpha bakugou x reader #alpha bakugou katsuki #abo #mha #fantasy bakugou #dragon bakugou #x reader #mina #kirishima #denki #sero #endeavor