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bard-llama · 3 years

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PWP WiP Snip: Iorveth/Roche

I fell asleep on @useless-empty-brain before finishing my new PWP, so I figured I’d share a snip, that what they have something to read today!

Iorveth’s face was twisted into a snarl as he stared down at the duty rosters for his Scoia’tael and tried to figure out how to ensure that they stopped losing people to the Blue Stripes, led by Vernon fucking Roche.

He hated Roche, hated everything that Roche stood for and everything that Roche was. But, he had to admit, the man was damn good at what he did.

The problem was ‘what he did’ was kill Iorveth’s men. Far too many had been lost of recent and Iorveth knew they blame laid entirely with him. He hadn’t prepared them well enough, hadn’t been able to make them understand that you could never underestimate the Blue Stripes.

Individually, each Blue Stripe commando posed a significant threat. But when brought together by a man who seemed to be able weave battle plans specifically tuned to enhance each of his commandos, they became even more deadly.

That was Roche’s strength. He understood his people down to their core. He knew how they thought and what their habitual openings were and he used that knowledge to give them every edge possible.

It was kind of amazing, honestly. Like, it was absolutely horrible that Roche led the Blue Stripes so effectively that Iorveth was losing too many people. But from one commander to another – Roche was impressive.

“It’s a shame such skill serves the enemy,” Iorveth lamented. Then he was startled by a knock against his window and then a young elf cartwheeling into his office. “Rinn! Wha–?”

She waited until she was standing in front of him on the other side of his desk to raise her fingers and sign her answer. If you’re done daydreaming about him, your dh’oine just crossed the perimeter into the forest.

“Alone?” Iorveth asked in surprise. And then her words really hit him and he flushed brightly. “I was not daydreaming! And he’s not my dh’oine!”

Uh huh. Rinn looked supremely unimpressed. You know, you’d probably be less agitated if you just got laid already.

Iorveth let out a choked croaking noise, face burning. “You – what – that is beyond inappropriate for you to care about.”

If you decide you wanna get a leg over, Rinn continued, entirely remorseless, he’s at the ruins of Cáelmewedd. I’m gonna nap for the rest of my shift. If you want someone to watch him be stupid enough to enter the forest, you’ll just have to go see yourself.

With that, she yawned and walked out his door. Iorveth sputtered, not entirely certain what had just happened. Rinn was an agent of chaos, always eager to encourage mischief, but she took her work seriously. She knew she was one of the only spies that could tail Roche without getting caught. If she was quitting in the middle of her shift, then there had to be a good reason. And sure, she’d put it crudely, probably just to make him blush, but she couldn’t actually mean that. Roche was his enemy, there was no way he would be ‘getting a leg over’ with Roche!

Roche was dangerous. And Rinn was asking him to take over for her, which meant it was serious.

Iorveth nodded to himself. He should go to Cáelmewedd immediately. He was wearing only light armor, having dressed down with the expectation that he would not be going out this evening. If he’d had time, he would’ve pulled on the gambeson and mail and all that – but he didn’t have time. It would have taken time for Rinn to return to base to report, and if Roche had been without a Scoia’tael shadow for nearly half an hour, there was no telling what kind of damage he might have done. No, Iorveth needed to leave now.

Decided, he grabbed a few more daggers and his swords and was off, climbing out through his window and jumping to the nearest tree branch. Because it was faster, obviously, not because he didn’t want to announce that he was going after Vernon Roche. Alone.

Ciaran was definitely going to kill him for this later. But there hadn’t been time to gather back up and Iorveth and Roche had always stood on equal ground in a fight. Sometimes Iorveth lost and sometimes he won, but even though he’d never managed to kill Roche, he could fight Roche off.

Once he reached the ruins of what used to be a beautiful bathhouse, he drew his blades, creeping silently around the perimeter, searching for his prey.

Except Roche didn’t seem to be anywhere in sight and Iorveth was growing frustrated, not thinking to watch his footing–

And then he was falling down into a bath with a huge splash, leaving him breathless and struggling to his feet. His sodden clothing weighed him down and that distracted him long enough to draw a proper breath – except then he caught sight of Vernon Roche. Vernon Roche, who apparently came to actually bathe in the elven baths, because he was entirely naked and Iorveth sputtered, distracted by all the skin on display.

Which was why he was completely unprepared for Roche to charge at him, shoulder hitting his solar plexus and pushing him back into the water. He couldn’t breathe and Roche’s warm hands held him under the water and–

Then he was being pulled back up, mind fuzzy even as he sucked in precious oxygen. He had just a moment to meet Roche’s dark eyes and then Roche was pushing him under again. The water over his head turned his vision hazy, but he couldn’t seem to look away from Roche’s body.

He’d only ever seen Roche in battle before. He knew from spy reports that he dressed more casually in his personal life, but every time they’d met, Roche had been wearing layer upon layer of armor. Iorveth hadn’t even known what Roche’s hair looked like before this.

That was the only reason he was getting so fixated. He’d never seen a naked dh’oine from up close before and Roche had always seemed so much bigger in battle, but even if Roche was a lot more scrawny without all those layers, he was still as competent as ever, one hand tight around Iorveth’s throat, holding him under.

Iorveth tried to struggle, but he just couldn’t get enough air, and instead of the fear and hate he should feel in this moment, he just felt – calm. Restful, almost, with his mind hazy and focused entire on Roche. He knew there was some reason he wasn’t supposed to give into those feelings, but it had been so long since he’d been able to turn off his brain and–

Roche pulled him up again, tugging him forward into Roche’s body in an unexpected flood of warmth, so startling after the cool water. Iorveth sucked in air greedily, slumped against Roche and not particularly interested in moving again ever.

“Iorveth?” he heard Roche ask vaguely, but he felt overcome with a lassitude and he found he didn’t quite care about anything at all, as long as Roche’s warmth remained wrapped around him.

He wasn’t sure how long he spent like that, clinging to Vernon Roche, but eventually he became aware enough to remember why that was super weird. He stiffened and the hands that had been stroking his back pulled away.

“Iorveth?” Roche asked, gripping his shoulders and pulling him away from Roche’s chest.

Iorveth grumbled, not enjoying the way he was suddenly cold everywhere that Roche had been touching him. “What?”

“Uh,” Roche cleared his throat, then grabbed Iorveth’s thighs and stood up, twisting to seat Iorveth on the bench next to him.

Iorveth blinked, unreasonably disappointed to lose that strong touch against his thighs. “You should fuck me,” he blurted, flushing as he realized what he’d said. He didn’t take it back, though.

Roche stared at him with wide eyes, adam’s apple bobbing as the dh’oine swallowed. “Only if you get naked, too,” Roche said, seeming almost surprised at himself even as he uttered the words.

Iorveth licked his lips, lust and want flooding through his veins like fire. He grabbed the hem of his tunic and tried to pull it off, but the wet fabric kept getting stuck to him and when he tried to pull it off over his head, he just got stuck in it, vision blocked and arms tangled in the cloth.

There was a soft chuckle and then warm hands were touching him again, shifting Iorveth’s arms until they could pull the clothing off.

Blushing slightly at his show of ineptitude, Iorveth looked up to meet Roche’s judging gaze – only Roche was much closer than he’d expected, close enough that he could clearly see that there was no judgement in those hazel eyes.

He swallowed hard, feeling almost like he was under a spell, under the sway of the man whose lips parted, and his own mouth fell open on instinct.

“Iorveth,” Vernon murmured, almost close enough that Iorveth could feel the shape of the word.

Close enough that, when Iorveth’s tongue darted out to wet his lips, it dragged over Vernon’s lips too. Vernon made a soft sound and Iorveth felt suddenly desperate, reaching out to tangle his fingers in Vernon’s hair and pull him closer. Vernon’s heat pressed along his front and Iorveth shuddered, kissing Vernon properly.

Vernon moaned, low in the back of his throat, and Iorveth had never given much thought to kissing, but somehow he never wanted to stop kissing Vernon. So when Vernon pulled away, a whine escaped him before he could think about it.

Smiling softly, Vernon kissed the corner of his mouth, then dropped down to the ground, kneeling on the cold tile of the bathhouse ruins. Iorveth gaped down at Roche, awe and something else coursing through his heart. Vernon cupped the back of his right calf, signalling for him to raise his leg.

Iorveth obeyed automatically, and Vernon slipped his boots off, first his right, then his left.

Wearing only his hose and underwear, Iorveth’s arousal was more than obvious – thighs wet with slick and his cock bulging against the material. He flushed, feeling like he should be embarrassed to want this so transparently, but Vernon just licked his lips and knelt up to hook his thumbs in the hose, stroking Iorveth’s hips.

“May I?” Vernon asked, mouth close enough to breathe hot air over Iorveth’s cock.

Iorveth swallowed and nodded.

Moving slowly, Vernon pulled down his hose, once again signaling for him to lift one foot at a time. Now only his underwear stood between Vernon’s mouth and his genitals.

Except the sight of the green lace and silk panties was clearly a surprise to Vernon and the dh’oine froze for a moment, glancing up at him. He blushed fiercely, wanting to pretend that he didn’t know why Vernon had stopped. He just… liked feeling pretty. He wore enough layers of armor that normally, his habit of casually wearing beautiful lingerie underneath his clothing would never be discovered. But here, here where he’d worn only a tunic and hose, his perversity was on full display.

He cleared his throat, something sour roiling in his belly. So of course that was the moment he realized that when Roche had been holding him under, his bandana must have come off. Which meant his scar was on full display.

Stiffening abruptly made Roche look up at him with an expression that surely couldn’t actually be concern. Why would his enemy be concerned over him? Horror would make more sense. Roche had just discovered that his mortal enemy wore panties, as if some pretty silk could hide his ugliness and gods dammit, Iorveth wanted to not care what anyone thought, but this was Vernon, and his opinion mattered.

“Iorveth?” Vernon – Roche – the dh’oine’s voice was soft as he rose to his feet and yes, it really did appear to be concern in his eyes.

Iorveth’s throat clicked as he swallowed, feeling nauseated at the confused jumble of emotions in his belly.

“If you’ve changed your mind,” Ver – Roche said, giving him an opening to leave.

Except… he… didn’t really want to leave. He didn’t understand why Roche might want him, why Roche wasn’t reeling back in horror from his scar. But… looking into Roche’s eyes, it was clear that horror was nowhere amongst the things he was feeling.

Iorveth’s lips parted, “I haven’t.”

Roche – or should it be Vernon now? – wrapped warm hands around Iorveth’s hips, thumbs rubbing into the skin again. He pulled Iorveth closer to him, leaning in to kiss the corner of Iorveth’s mouth again.

A soft sound escaped Iorveth and he tilted his head until their lips were sliding together properly. His fingers found their way into Vernon’s hair again and when his hips bucked, their cocks brushed against each other, making them both moan.

“Fuck,” Iorveth panted, shoving Vernon back to sit on the bench again. Then he crawled into Vernon’s lap, grinding his panty-covered cunt against Vernon’s cock.

“Oh!” Vernon gasped, head falling back, relaxing into Iorveth’s grip on his hair. “Iorveth.”

His name was whispered breathlessly and Iorveth immediately decided that that was the best way it had ever been said.

He rocked his hips, dragging his cunt along the length of Vernon’s cock, and even through the material of his panties, he was getting Vernon wet.

Shuddering, he used his grip on Vernon’s hair to pull the other man in for another kiss. Vernon returned the kiss passionately, like he was putting everything he was in Iorveth’s hands. And Iorveth had no idea what to do with that, but he was helpless to resist the urge to kiss back, meeting him with just as much hunger.

Vernon’s hands slid up his back, one tangling in his hair and the other cupping his face so very sweetly and Iorveth could do nothing but lean into the touch as they kissed and kissed and kissed.

Gods, he could happily kiss Vernon forever.

He was still grinding against Vernon’s cock, but everything that wasn’t Vernon’s kiss sort of faded into the background and Iorveth had no idea how close he was until Vernon pulled away to nip a line of kisses across his jaw.

“Come for me,” Vernon growled in his ear and his hips bucked, muscles seizing as he did as ordered, pleasure overcoming him in hot licks of fire.

#rorveth #iorveth x roche #pwp #wips #my fics #the witcher

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annaraebananawriter · 3 years

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Nothing, Then Too Much Everything

...It’s ironic that right after I asked for paitrings I started writing this oneshot...

But that’s fine. I read the pairings.

And what I read...I liked.

It’s all mostly pairings I haven’t written yet, so it might be a bit until I feel good enough to try it out.

Anyways, I’ll make this short as I don’t want to waste any more of your time--this oneshot is...an expiriment. It has a new style that sort of just...happened...as I was writing it. If you don’t understand what happened after reading, then ask! I wouldn’t mind explaining and talking about it!

Hope you enjoy!

Fandom: Undertale, but specifically Dreamtale

Characters: Dream and mentioned-but-also-not Nightmare (Who belong to Joku)

Warnings: Implied Suicidal Thoughts, Self-Hate, Confusion, Implied Depression and...I think that’s it? Let me know!

Word Count: 1487

~oOo~

Imagine this: nothing.

Pure nothing, for as far as you can see. The nothing echoes back on itself, creating even more nothingness. It has no colour, and it's so boring to look at but you can’t see anything else but this nothing so you have no choice but to look. It burns, sometimes, how much nothing there is. Other times, the nothing blends with itself, creating images that you know aren’t real, but can’t help to believe because they’re the only other thing besides nothing you can look at.

(Nothing count, including variations: 7

Improvement or worsening? Remains to be seen.

Words excluded: void, absence, nihility and nullity.)

This would be…fine, if that was all he’d ever known, ever remembered. That way he wouldn’t grieve over something that he hasn’t seen in who knows how long, wouldn’t miss the blue of the sky, the green of the grass, or even the terrifying sound of thunder.

But Dream once knew everything.

And that makes the nothing worse.

(It has been 1 2 3 days hours weeks months minutes…something since the nothing happened.

It will be 0 0 0 0 0 ∞ days hours weeks years months…something until the everything returns.)

Everything was happy. It was good. Everything is what makes life worth living. It is the smell of dew after a night’s rain, the frost on your window, the flowers that keep you company in the spring and summer, the everythingness that is your existence. It’s everything around you. It’s bright and brilliant and some people hate it when really, they’ve been taken by the nothing and the nothing is clouding their vision and destroying the beauty that is everything.

(Everything count, including variations: 5

…Nothing count: 2

Worsening.

they’llbeangryhe’llbeangrythey’llbeangryhe’llbeangry

Words excluded: pivotal, help, paramount, me, compulsory, I, essential, hate, signifigant, nothing, and prime.)

Nothing is a curse.

Once, Dream was happy. Good. Essential Everything. He helped the villagers, helped Nightmare, helped anyone who called for him and needed his help. He loved to love and tried his best to make sure others knew that he loved them so that the nothing doesn’t take them too. People loved him back, though sometimes they were a bit…cruel malicious sadistic…forward in telling him that. Sometimes they scared hurt angered…played with him, which was bad nice of them.

But then that day happened and the nothing consumed him.

He couldn’t do anything. His senses were gone empty broken blocked—you never know how much you rely on them until they’re gone. Touch, taste, smell, those weren’t as bad to live without. Sight, hearing, speech, on the other hand, those posed a problem. But his magic was left in tact, and with it he could feel everything around him. Pain and suffering for so long that it all compiled into a stream of anguish that hurt saddened frightened was too much to feel at times. He didn’t have a choice but to feel it.

And that is the curse.

Dream feels everything outside the nothing, but he cannot help.

He is chained.

He doesn’t want to be chained.

(He deserves it, right?

It’s his fault, right?

He deserves it, right?

It’s his fault, right?)

The images were hard to ignore.

Anything is hard to ignore in the nothing.

But the images are the worst.

They appear so randomly that Dream is always surprised when they do. He has the initial reaction to jump back and prepare to defend himself, but then he remembers he can’t move and it’s just an image. He can’t predict anything about them. How close they’ll be, who they’ll be, what they’ll say. It’s nice once and mean often the next.

(But he deserves it, right?

It’s his fault, right?

He deserves it, right?

It’s his fault, right?)

The images usually appear as Nightmare.

It could be because they’re brothers and love each other more than anyone else. It could be because Nightmare’s the one who condemned him to this nothing in the first place. It could also be because it realizes that Nightmare is his weakness. It could also be that it realizes that Nightmare is the one who hurts the most.

No matter what, it always tells truths lies him something.

As an example:

“You know what I hate most about you?” Image Nightmare had said once, this time with a gaping wound in his chest that Dream could see the nothing through. It dripped an unknown substance. Drip, drop. “That you pretend.”

Image Nightmare always smiled, even if he was saying he hated Dream.

Always with a smile.

Drip, drop.

“You pretend to care, and you pretend to not care. I’ve cracked the code.” Drip, drop. “The villagers—they could’ve killed you and you would’ve been the one to say sorry. You pretended that that was fine and you were oblivious to all the damage they gave you. Neil—he kept you company when things were overwhelming, never pushing and never judging. You pretended that you liked the worrying, that it helped you.”

Image Nightmare also knew things that Actual Nightmare didn’t.

Like how Dream felt about the villagers, Neil, Actual Nightmare.

About everything.

…

The wound had suddenly stopped dripping for the next part, making Dream listen to every word and lock them in place, burning them into his mind.

“And Nightmare—sorry, me, your own other half. The one better than you are in every single way. He could yell and scream and you would do your best to help him, to calm him down, pretending you weren’t scared. He could run you in circles, manipulating you, and you would take it all with a smile and a little laugh pretending the words didn’t hurt.”

(Image Nightmare was always right, that’s the thing.

He always spoke the truth.)

“And Nightmare could outright hate you with every bone in his body, all of the energy that makes up his life, and you would do nothing to stop him, struggling between the hurt that it produces and the need to change it, pretending that it was fine and it was right.”

Nightmare could kill Dream, and he would pretend it was the right thing to do.

He would believe it with his entire heart.

(He deserved to die, didn’t he?

He deserved to do anything to make Nightmare happy again, didn’t he?

…

He deserved to die, didn’t he?

He deserved to hurt, didn’t he?)

Time was different in the nothing too.

Time was nothing in the nothing. It was nonexistent. It happened, or else the images wouldn’t be appearing so randomly yet so frequently. You could, probably, learn to tell the time with the images if you had paid attention from the beginning and kept track. Although, in doing so your condemning yourself to an even more excruciating existence as you them know how much time has passed since the nothing started but that doesn’t help you at all because you can’t get out.

(Time count: 4

…Nothing count: 3

Improving.

whydoesthismatter?whydoesthismatter?whydoesthis

Words excluded: …who cares anymore?)

Dream stayed in the nothing for so long he started to forget what the everything was like.

…

And if that wasn’t the saddest thing, he doesn’t know what is.

(Is the sky usually Red or Blue?

Is grass usually Alive or Dead?

Were Nightmare’s eyes always Teal or Purple?

Were Dream’s senses always Inactive or Active?)

…

He will always hate the nothing, he decided.

…

Because when you finally get out of it, everything is too much.

(TOO bright—

TOO loud—

TOO alive—

TOO present—)

The ground was too wet and too cold. The air was too cold and too light. The sky was too light and too pressing. The sounds were too pressing and too fast.

Breathing was hard, even though it should be welcomed.

(He didn’t need to breathe for so long, why start now?)

Everything was confusing. It wasn’t supposed to be, this Dream remembered clearly. It was supposed to be…happy? That seems right. And good. And everything. It’s supposed to be…small things that…you look at with…something…it’s supposed to be present and alive and you’re supposed to feel fuzzy and warm when you see it. You’re not supposed to be whatever Dream is.

Everything was too much and it almost made him wish the nothing would come back and snatch him, drown him again so all he has to worry about is Image Nightmare, not Actual Nightmare, and that he should be feeling something when all he feels is numbness.

…

Nothing is bad, but when you’re in the nothing for forever, everything is too much, so what option is really the best? Drowning in the nothing, your emotions and senses limited, yet you can feel everything from outside clearly? Or being overwhelmed by the everything, your emotions back and alive again, your senses back and working again, yet you can feel nothing but panic and longing for the nothing?

#my writing #my fanfiction #oneshot #undertale #dreamtale #dream sans #mentioned nightmare sans #nightmare sans #tw suicidal thoughts #tw self hatred #TW depression

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background-noise-headache · 3 years

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Hurt the Bard, but like, Emotionally/Non-lethally

Um, terribly painful Jaskier-whump idea. (This has some Geraskier elements in it, but in a pre-relationship, developing friendship way, featuring a lot of Geralt openly caring for Jaskier because that’s my head canon, Geralt speaks with actions and his eyes, not his words.

I know the fandom likes to play with the idea of Jaskier’s parents being distant or abusive or neglectful. Which I do enjoy, but I vibe more with the idea that Jaskier had very supportive parents and that’s why he’s so confident and open and affectionate.

So, this: The court mage’s apprentice is bitter and angry seeing all this love that annoying brat (only a few years younger than him) gets. The jealousy is eating at him. Jaskier goes to Oxenfurt then sets out on his own to become a bard with the encouragement of his parents even if it’s not what’s expected of a viscount.

Somewhere between when Jaskier meets Geralt to the djinn incident (I imagine after Cintra) Jaskier is home for a while, telling his family about his adventures and being showered in love and sharing that love back with them, he’s missed them so much.

The apprentice is now the court mage and that anger has never gone away, just been buried and smothered because dude does not have the best coping mechanisms, no one ever taught him any. Asshole decides to cast a curse on Jaskier:

“Every kind word will cause you pain and make you rot on the inside, but no one will see the pain they cause you. It won’t kill you physically, but you’ll swear you’re dying. Every kind word, every compliment, will make you rot until the only relief and joy you get is when someone insults you. You’ll beg for them to hate you, beg for them to spit in your face.”

By the next day it’s clear how effective the curse is.

(Okay, trigger warning for body horror, skin issues, medical wounds. This is honestly me coping with a terrible nightmare I had a few years back that I never completely got over and sometimes I need to talk about it. So, bear with me, or skip to my line of astrisks)

(You know what, additional trigger warnings for toxic relationships and emotional abuse between Jaskier an characters only mentioned in the show but never seen. You know the ones)

By rot, I mean that when Jaskier looks at his skin it looks like it’s bruising, and then cracking, bleeding, pealing away. It’s molting and pussy and awful (that is specifically what it looked like in my dream, the skin on my left arm was molting.) But nobody fricken sees it! Jaskier can point to the wounds, groan in pain, nobody sees the cause. It’s not actually there, it’s technically in his head because that’s what the curse does, it won’t kill him, just rot him.

So immediately Jaskier realizes he has to leave home because every time he sees his parents and his siblings and his neices and nephews they’re excited and happy and loving. They’re quick to realize something’s wrong, but Jaskier knows they can’t see the way his skin is turning. He leaves without saying goodbye because he can’t explain.

He travels, avoids his friends and familiar places where he’s known. But when he performs his audience will tell him how wonderful his songs were and patrons will flirt and it’s all pain. It’s less painful to avoid performing, but harder to survive without it. But he can’t always bear the pain, it’s just too much sometimes.

He runs into an old classmate. He and Valdo were never close, several years apart in age. They chat, they flirt, they go to bed together. Valdo is sparing with his compliments, and very observant. Because Jaskier gets irritable with pain and too many nice words makes him lash out, but insults stir a fire in his eyes that Valdo enjoys. He thinks he knows what Jaskier really wants. He’s not sure how he feels about it, but Valdo can’t remember the last time he had a fling so interesting and contradictory.

They travel for a while. Jaskier becomes a backup for Valdo’s performances, getting a share of the coin to get by and minimal attention. It’s better this way, he tells himself.

One drunken night he tells Valdo about the curse. To Valdo it makes too much sense and it’s so tragic and the tragedy makes it more romantic. The relationship is downhill from there as Jaskier realizes the kind of situation he’s gotten himself into and how he’s becoming dependent on Valdo’s cruelty, and how much crueler it feels if Valdo says something nice.

He leaves.

He meets the Countess. She flirts with insults and thrives making people feel lower than her. She pays him a lot of money to play for her and takes him to bed and rarely has a kind word and if he avoids drinking too much he’ll never fall into the same trap he did with Valdo.

And then a song begins circulating about a poor bard cursed to long for pain and cruelty, who will never know love again. Which fucking hurts worse than any of this shit before, the message that he’ll never be loved again burns.

The Countess grows bored and kicks him out. He travels for a few weeks, to tired and burnt out to perform and goes through his money fast. He also had jack-all in the way of travel supplies, not even a bedroll, so it’s a rough few weeks after he can no longer afford a bed under a roof.

And then he meets Geralt on the bank of the Pontar. Gods it’s nice to focus on someone else’s problems for a moment. And then the fillingless pie comment, and it’s the first time in a Gods-know-how-long time that he finds no relief in the insult, only annoyance. And that old habit of bickering with Geralt kicks in because even if it’s been a few years they’re still friends.

(Yes, they’re friends. I head canon that Geralt says they’re not friends 1. because he has obvious abandonment issues and self loathing problems, as the fandom well knows, and 2. every time he says he and Jaskier aren’t friends, Jaskier insists they are with more and more evidence to prove it and it makes Geralt feel warm and fuzzy. Eventually they had that conversation and Jaskier knows what Geralt actually means/wants to hear when he says they’re not friends)

(also Geralt has been plagued with insomnia for weeks or months on end, and I’m telling you, you would be cranky too. Not getting enough sleep gives me migraines, worsens my snow vision, makes my ADHD worse, and makes me irritable. That’s why Geralt is so grumpy on the river bank)

So for a few minutes he forgets about the curse and the festering rot on his skin. And then the djinn, and he’d really like to get back at the two people that have hurt him the most recently, and then break this stupid fucking curse already.

No such luck.

And after all the djinn nonsense, Yen makes the offhanded comment, “Where’s your cursed bard run off to.”

“He shouldn’t be cursed any more.”

“Oh no, he was cursed long before the djinn.”

“Why didn’t you tell me!”

“I didn’t see it until you left.”

“And you didn’t break it?”

“It wasn’t killing him. The djinn was. One problem at a time. The djinn needed to be solved before this curse.”

So, yeah, Yennefer and Geralt find Jaskier outside and they have a long talk about it. Yen needs a day to prepare for breaking the curse because she’s already used a lot of chaos today and she needs rest. (And those two idiots need to talk, she can see it and it’s giving her a migraine she needs to sleep off)

Jaskier tells Geralt about the last year or so of his life. It’s fucking shit.

The curse is broken. There’s no sign of rot on Jaskier’s skin, no pain when anyone says something kind, like “we are friends” and “I missed you” which is a relief.

But the emotional changes won’t go away overnight. Jaskier responds to kindness with hostility and takes insults in silence. And Geralt isn’t doing well watching someone he cares about act... act like Geralt. Self-hating and believing they need cruelty to be normal. And there’s no traveling therapist either. So they’re doing the best they can. But it’s a rough few years as Jaskier unlearns all that shit.

It kind of convinces Geralt to get his head a little more out of his ass and stop hating himself so much, realizing how painful it must be for Jaskier and his brothers and Vesemir and Yennefer to watch.

The mountain is just a really awful few days. Jaskier takes Geralt’s lashing with minimal resistance. A comment that it’s not fair is a vast improvement from 5-6 years ago, but nothing like his younger self would have responded, all puffed up dramatics until Geralt realized how ridiculous he was being.

Geralt and Jaskier have an awkward, stunted few days hiking down the mountain, during which Jaskier decides he needs to go to the coast and sort himself out. He’ll see Geralt next spring.

He goes home and spends that autumn with his family. It’s the most healing three months he’s ever had. The mage has long since left, and Jaskier’s not sure he’ll ever get that closure, but he’ll take what healing he can get now. He’s more like his old self than he’s ever been since the curse broke.

And then Geralt shows up on the edge of winter, limping with an exhausted child surprise and a wounded sorceress by his side. Jaskier gives them shelter for a few nights but they can’t stay, they’ll in danger as long as they’re stuck down south.

The night before they leave, Geralt and Jaskier talk, clear the air. Geralt asks if Jaskier is happy. He is. So Geralt decides not to ask Jaskier to join him. Yennefer is the one to ask, because fuck that idiotic bullshit and Ciri already knows him from a few winters spent at Cintra and adores him, and he’s already great with kids, a skill Yennefer and Geralt can’t claim yet.

Jaskier’s family supports him, of course they do. He promises to return home soon.

* * *

So like, I was going to pose this as a writing prompt and offer it to anyone who wants to write it. I didn’t intend to develop it so much, but getting it out of my system helped a lot. I needed to get all those ideas out.

If it speaks to you, feel free to run with it, but please include a link to this original post or mentioned me. My ao3 is Shadowmightwrite17

(yeah, tbh, that nightmare still haunts me. I told my parents about it immediately, but I didn’t open up about it to anyone until last summer when I told my best friend about it. I was like, “did I ever tell you about that one nightmare I had where my skin was molting off my arm?” and he was like, “no. no you did not. wtf” But there was also a thing last week when I read a vaguely body-horror sentence in a Witcher fanfic about something moving under your skin and I remembered again, so like, I needed to talk about it somehow)

#jaskier #dandelion #geraskier #the witcher #geraskier fanfiction #fanfiction #my fanfic #it's past midnight I should be sleeping #i'm too tired to edit this so sorry for that

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ratsoh-writes · 3 years

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My curiosity got me, so here is my submission for a match up. Sorry it’s so long! I look forward to seeing your reasoning.

PERSONALITY TRAITS:

MOM FRIEND: I’m the friend that is almost over prepared for any situation and is protective, usually keeping others out of too much trouble or danger, but not stopping them from doing that stupid thing. Some people will only learn from doing it and so long as it won’t seriously injure or kill them, go for it. And I mean I am seriously prepared for most situations: I have fluffy throw blankets and pillows in my car for those who get cold, extra towels just in case we somehow get wet, umbrellas/ponchos for those who need one, snacks/water just in case someone gets hungry/thirsty, first aid kit for small injuries, etc. Ironically, I am the only one without a kid so far.

Extension of this would be my habit to act as the friend “nurse.” Willing to spend hours taking care of a friend who isn’t feeling well and give platonic cuddles if needed.

Another extension of this is my need to feed anyone who comes over. I think my love language is acts of service after typing all this.

I’M LISTENING: Always willing to offer an ear, even if I don’t believe I can council you. Plus, for some reason, people just end up splurging life stories or something that is bothering them to me. My life is mostly spent as that Naruto meme: “I have no clue what is going on, but I’ll pretend that I do.” But I’m responsible about it, I won’t offer advice I’m not sure about and will usually refer you to someone else I feel is up to the task.

PATIENT: Earned after years in customer service dealing with toddlers disguised as customers and also with friends who far exceed my energy levels. It takes a good bit to anger me or very specific things to set me off, such as when I have asked you to please stop bringing up that stressful memory of mine again and again.

I am told I am terrifying when I’m actually pissed. Most times I don’t remember much when I actually snap, just that it happened, but details are fuzzy.

CHILL: My counselor once told me if I “Was any more laid back, I’d be on her floor.” And to a point, she is correct. My house was on fire and my reaction wasn’t panic at the time, it was this odd calm that even when I reported the fire to my sister and authorities, they didn’t believe me until I showed them said fire. I am reserved with those I don’t know well or are not comfortable around. Once I trust you or you get me on a topic I love, I’m surprisingly passionate and animated.

I feel this fits under here, but I also tend to do things at my own pace. And not much can change that pace, but I will get what I set out to do done.

WHY ME?: Too many people tell me I’m a natural leader, even got awards for it, but I never volunteer or want to be the leader in anything. Usually, I just end up in that role somehow, some way. Most times because I hate disorganized messes and those times the people I am with have trouble making concrete decisions and need some guidance to work out what they really want to do or the pressure to actually make a decision. I may be an unwilling leader, but I will step up if needed.

WHIMSICAL: Sarcasm, dry and sometimes cheesy humour, and an attitude to boot, but it’s rarely to be mean. Most times it is me being playful and if I’m teasing you, that usually is a sign I like you and enjoy your company. Plus, sometimes people need a little laugh or a spark of different emotion to get them out of a funk.

INTEGRITY: I could absolutely despise someone, but like hell I’m going watch them suffer. In the same sense, if I take a job, I will do it right and not half ass it. And far too many times I’ve had to step in and explain certain concepts in order to disperse negativity or help others see from another perspective to avoid adversity.

CUDDLE BUG: With people I am comfortable with, I am a cuddly person and do not mind a lot of skinship. I am used to friends hanging all over me. Plus, sometimes I just want to curl up someone as well.

STRENGTHS:

Observant

Good communication skills & honest

Responsible & reliable

Full Size Human Heater. I am ridiculously warm and always putting off heat. Friends and coworkers alike use me as a portable heater.

Surprisingly good at being sly and collecting information if needed, like getting a shoe or ring size without tipping the person off it’s for a gift. If they manage to call it, I always fess up and playfully make a fuss they ruined the surprise.

WEAKNESSES:

Terrible at lying, so I tend to simply keep my mouth shut instead

Willfully oblivious to flirting and absolute flustered mess once I am forced to recognize said flirting

Vast open waters terrify me

Tendency to keep my troubles to myself and try to solve problems on my own (don’t want to be a burden)

Can become despondent if I feel useless at times

HOBBIES:

ART: I’ve dabbled in several different medias, but my favorite is just a pencil or pen and any paper I can get my hands on. I love drawing figures in dynamic poses. Second favorite is sculptures built from wire.

COSTUMES: I love Halloween, since it is the perfect excuse to make and wear my homemade costumes. It also lets me challenge myself by making more complicated pieces like hooves, horns, and even chain mail.

BAKING/COOKING/CANDY MAKING: I’m the cook in the house and I love it. Seeing people enjoy my food is my favorite part. Just don’t ask me for a recipe, I literally don’t have any and I won’t remember what I did.

ORGANIZING/CLEANING: I love puzzle games like Tetris and Catherine, and I love a challenge. Combine the two by having me organize and rearrange a space to make it work and I am in heaven.

STORYTELLING: When a story needs to be told, I am the one asked to tell it. Specifically I have such an entertaining way of telling it according to others. Animated and colorful language, plus a few pit stops along the way with some side stories.

PET PEEVES:

CONTRARY: Do not tell me to do something while I am doing it. That will kill any motivation I had to do it.

BACKHANDED COMPLIMENTS: It is possible to compliment someone without insulting them or others at the same time. It just makes the compliment feel empty and negative. And I tend to just hum and not reward that behaviour.

TOO MUCH ATTENTION: I don’t mind attention… from people I trust and are comfortable with. Feel free to cuddle and coddle away. But vast amounts of attention from those I feel are strangers or acquaintances will unnerve me (I have literally left functions immediately where I walked in and was bombarded with shouts and attention aimed at me-sensory overload I guess).

ODD HABITS:

NESTING: No, I don’t think I have enough blankets and pillows. Yes, the giant stuffed animal is needed and his name is Snuffie.

CRUSH ME: I’m serious, some days I need one of my friends or my bf to just lay all their dead weight on top of me. It’s just oddly therapeutic.

NO, I’M NOT PREGNANT: Just cause I ate that jar of olives in one sitting or suddenly was craving jalapeno juice and crushed ramen noodles. There are never enough pickles and yes, I am determined to try every kind–I may have a vinegar addiction.

IRONY: I bake some of the tastiest, sweetest desserts and make pralines and caramels, YET I myself do not favor sweet things.

HANDS: One thing I tended to do with nearly every boyfriend and guy friend I had was play with their hands and put their hands on my face/head. I lived for being pet and having people play with my hair.

NONVERBAL MOMENTS: Sometimes words are just too much, so I instead make sounds. Can be anywhere from a growl to a cat like noise, or the reliable “Nyeh.”

NO NOs:

I think I listed a few as I went through everything else, but ignoring boundaries is the main one. If I tell you I’m not comfortable with something, do not make me repeat myself. And usually that something is given a pass the first few times it is done before I say something and explain why I’m not comfortable with it.

Example: I have thick, curly hair, a product of my mixed heritage. Well, sometimes I like to straighten it and I did just that one day. Well, a coworker decided to make a backhanded compliment, stating I should stick to what works: straight hair over my natural hair. I had gotten on him about it, but I decided to vent to a friend about what happened as well. She proceeded to constantly repeat those hurtful words and while I knew she meant it playfully during those times, I had to stop her and sit her down, explain I don’t find it funny cause the words are linked to a hurtful, possibly racist memory that I didn’t want brought up again and again. Thankfully she understood and stopped. So, I don’t snap immediately and I understand sometimes a sit down needs to be done.

Ok first of all I gotta say that I absolutely loved reading your matchup!!! It’s so well organized, detailed, and the descriptions are pretty creative!!! Do you do any writing yourself, because you should!!! alright, geek out moment over.

i’ve got three guys you’re perfect for, but let’s go for the obvious one. HONEY!!

You’ve checked off everything on honey’s list: caring, organized, laid back, and good for cuddling. Now here’s what he has to offer to the table: he will cuddle you back. This guy is the ultimate cuddle slut. You’ll never feel unloved with him. Honey is also a very thoughtful and appreciative guy. He likes caring for his partners. You may be the mom friend, but he’ll do his best to return that love as well.

Honey is a little awkward, but he’s also sensitive and empathetic to how others feel. If he puts his foot in his mouth, just tell him and he’ll never bring it up again. Plus this guy is just so honest and genuine that backhanded compliments aren't really a thing with him.

Also you like costumes!!! He’s always wanted to try cosplay or theatre. You just might be the person to give him the courage to finally stick to one.

dating honey includes:

cuddles upon heaps of soft things. He has his own collections of ridiculously soft blankets and pillows that he’ll happily add to your collection. Honey is also a master at pillow forts.

honey is a good listener. He’ll be happy to just sit back and enjoy the stories you tell. There is start though, who is also the storyteller of the underswap home. Any funny story you give about your time together will be rewarded by star with a funny story from his and honey’s childhood, much to honey’s embarrassment

if you don't really like sweet things but love baking them, then honey and star will happily finish them for you. People are usually surprised about how just how much skeleton monsters can pack away.

he’s a picky eater and will give you the wtf face when you fufil your weird cravings though lol

Oh! Also if you’re wondering, the other two would’ve been either oak or coffee

#undertale imagines #underswap #matchups #submission

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quillyfied · 5 years

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Mega Good Omens Fic Rec Post 1

OH BOY Y’ALL IT’S HERE

This is the first string of fics I would wholeheartedly recommend from my bookmarks (probably first of three, we’ll see). There are 65 fics sorted into 9 categories: Jaunts Through History/Canon; South Downs; Post-Apocalypse; Bus Ride/Night Before/Heaven and Hell; AU/UA (UA is Universe Alternate, where everything is the same, just...a bit to the left. I feel like that term has more nuance, idk); Soft; Touch-Starved/Body Worship/Wings; Bonus; H/C /Whump/BAMF. These will be the same categories for every fic rec post in this vein. I try to include warnings for sex and gore, if applicable, but please check the tags of each fic before you read, just in case.

Mega GOmens Fic Rec Post MASTER

PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF I BROKE A LINK OR MISATTRIBUTED SOMETHING.

I don’t read explicit works and I’m not a big fan of Human!AUs so there’s not any of those, but there’s a bit of just about everything else. Please enjoy! Hope the ReadMore works, sorry for folks on mobile if it doesn’t!

JAUNTS THROUGH HISTORY/CANON

1. Bright With His Splendour – Daegaer (T, specifically book-verse. This is an exquisite look at the developments in Crowley himself, especially as it relates to his war-related traumas in the War in Heaven and later WWI. The Arrangement is Aziraphale’s idea here, which is awesome. Highly emotional and visceral.)

2. Whatever Road We Choose – @ri-writing (T, the one where Aziraphale gets jumped by some demons and Crowley nurses him back to health, and Aziraphale has to confront his worldview when he realizes Heaven never responded to his call for help. Quiet and powerful as Aziraphale starts to realize Crowley isn’t everything he thought he was and maybe Heaven isn’t, either.)

3. Linked – @chekhov (T, the one where Crowley shows up in Bukhara and Aziraphale has to pretend to capture him so his angel intern doesn’t destroy Crowley entirely. Has a lot of fun moments and emotional growth in play. And yearning. Lots and lots of yearning.)

4. The Demon Favourite – @kanna-ophelia (T, the one where Crowley is posing as a nobleman and manages to build himself a little ramshackle family, and Aziraphale takes care of them when Crowley gets himself discorporated. Extremely tender, lots of Crowley cooing over babies.)

5. Akashic Records – @penig (Generally G, one T, the series where Crowley is head-over-heels from the start and broadcasts it loudly, and Aziraphale is in Panic Protective Mode. The series is gorgeous and vibrant, the characterizations are so spot-on and yet fresh, the dialogue is perfect, the character growth is delicious. I can’t gush enough about this one.)

6. But The Old Love Was Not So – BuggreAlleThis (G, the one written in the style of Le Morte d’Arthur about Aziraphale’s final few days in the court of King Arthur. Hilarious with the promise of emotional pain to come in the second half.)

7. flightless bird (dumb, wild, and free) – JennaCupcakes (@veganthranduil) (T, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale make out for half of history while Aziraphale has an ongoing existential crisis about being a broken angel. Poignant, sensual, culminates in a deliciously fraught confrontation where Aziraphale has to finally sort himself out and Crowley says some hard but true things. I once spent three hours trying to find this fic again without remembering the title so now it’s kinda ingrained.)

8. Nanny Knows Best – @patricianandclerk (M, rest of series is T, the one where Crowley endures some truly horrible experiences while serving as Warlock’s nanny. Adorable relationship between Warlock and Crowley, and it’s only getting better. The dynamic with Aziraphale is nuanced and beautiful. Rating for sexual harassment and groping, and it’s a bit of a difficult read at times during those moments, so be careful.)

9. The Holy Essence of Experience – Dragonsquill (T, the one where Aziraphale and Crowley have loved each other almost since the beginning, but have been very careful to not put a name to it. The yearning is real and so gorgeous. The scene just before they come up with their plan to avert Armageddon haunts me.)

10. The Arrangement – @writeonclara (T, the one where Aziraphale and Crowley try to get a handle on this sex thing. Non-explicit, hilarious, and unique! I can only assume the rating will probably be going up, which makes me sad because it’s hard to find nonexplicit fics that still deal with what sex brings to a relationship, but what’s written for now is well worth it.)

11. And After – @randomacts13 (T, the series where Crowley and Aziraphale work through their self-worth and have lots of flashbacks. The first one involves Crowley taking care of a seed that keeps dying and leaving another seed behind, which is not at all feeding into his self-hatred; the second has Crowley and Warlock gluing coins to the sidewalk; the third is about Aziraphale on a one-way flight to Complete Mental Breakdown if he doesn’t get some help for his anxiety and repressed emotions soon.)

12. The road to rapture has a lot of pit stops – emmagrant01 (E but only for the sixth chapter, the one where Aziraphale and Crowley have shared five kisses throughout history and one where they meant it. People like me who don’t like explicit material can skip Chapter 6 (or just read until they smooch) and go straight to the epilogue. The rest of it is amazing; every kiss is believable in context and has such good lead-up. Very romantic, very good.)

13. Round and Round the Garden – SanSanFanFan (G, the one where Brother Francis and Nanny Ashtoreth get up to some hanky-panky beneath a willow tree while Warlock sleeps in his pram. Just sweet and silly fluff.)

14. Flecks of Light and Dark – volunteerfd (T, the one where Aziraphale learns to deal with his emotions. Has a really beautiful recurring thing of Crowley and Aziraphale making up stories of who they’d be if they were human, and Aziraphale doing his best to do good and help even when Heaven ties his hands.)

15. Before the Water Rises – VitreousHumor (T, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale become friends while helping a village make rafts to escape the Flood. Has a lot of really cute moments and some pretty exquisite romantic tension.)

16. Beneath the Stars – @brooklynbabybucky (G, the one where Crowley asks Aziraphale to cut his hair. Just has some really lovely imagery and a sweet bonding moment.)

17. lit in the darkness – @toedenandbackagain (M, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale share a bed sometimes throughout history. Warnings for some sexual content in chapters 7 and 14, but each chapter has its own warnings in the description. Presents some beautiful bonding moments and the absolute finest pining known to man.)

SOUTH DOWNS

18. The Play’s the Thing – volunteerfd (G, the one where Aziraphale is cast in the local production of Hamlet and Crowley is trying his best to be supportive of his truly awful actor husband. Hilarious and light and absolutely a classic.)

19. Parsley, Thyme, Sage, Daffodils – @mostweakhamlets (NR, the one where Aziraphale has a cooking YouTube channel and Crowley is camera-shy. Tackles PTSD in a really thoughtful way and is Peak Soft Cottage Husbands aesthetic, it really packs in the most warm fuzzies in a small package.)

20. to carthage then i came – @lvslie (T, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale move to the South Downs and learn to work through their issues around being together and being their own people after cutting ties with Heaven and Hell. Poetic, poignant, the last chapter is a thing of absolute beauty. Very heavily symbolic, that one.)

21. A Better Place for Us to Be – @befuddledmackem (T, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale tour a particular cottage. Deeply emotional, the Absolute Best Real Estate Pr0n if you also secretly watch HGTV and weep, has completely ruined any future house-buying opportunity I might have because nothing will be this sweet and perfect.)

22. Something We Were Withholding Made Us Weak – trieduntrue (M, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale move to the South Downs and very carefully orbit into something more like a relationship. Exquisite tension, beautifully-done pining and slow-burn, really fun bits of world building. M is for a sex scene at the very end but it’s easy to skip over, it’s small.)

23. reasons wretched and divine – @stammiviktor (T, the one where Crowley storms out after a fight and finds himself in an actual conversation with God. Highly emotional and a great look into Crowley’s head, both in how he feels about God and how he feels about Aziraphale.)

24. The Sprawl of Life – @dietraumerei (T and G, the series where Crowley and Aziraphale settle into village life quite well. Has sex-positive asexual characters, which is fun (brief note about that: it’s not explicit, but the places it happens, there is clear leadup and it can get a bit intense, so take care of yourselves). Has touches of angst that balance beautifully with the fluff, lots of BAMF Aziraphale for the soul.)

25. Seashells and Fingerpainting – Vagabond (@waffleironbiddingwar) (T, and I recommend this one specifically from the series, can be read independently: the one where Gabriel is sent to the South Downs for a time out. This is quite possibly the best Gabriel character study I have ever seen; it’s tender and heartbreaking and somehow you find yourself rooting for Gabriel to figure out why he’s being punished despite yourself. All the warm fuzzies. All of them. Read the whole series, it’s great!)

POST-APOCALYPSE

26. Laugh When It Sinks In – @tenoko1 (G, the one where Crowley helps Aziraphale build a home in the bookshop flat. Another one that feeds right into my interior decorating itch. So sweet and uplifting, will absolutely make you feel proud of Aziraphale.)

27. Chosen and Unchosen – Bookwormgal (T, the one where the kids have to go save Aziraphale and Crowley from Heaven and Hell. Has some EXCELLENT Warlock characterization and some really good tension between him and Adam, and the angst is properly upsetting. A right good adventure romp that’s really starting to ramp up.)

28. Resonance – Macx (T, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale become something Else. Good world building, beautiful romance, and Gabriel getting told off. Love how Crowley and Aziraphale growing into their new roles is handled, and how Adam unexpectedly ties in at the end.)

29. Falling Heavenward – @kanna-ophelia (T, the one where Crowley unexpectedly has to win his angel back because of a really twisty deal with Heaven. This one is a pretty wild ride, but I would say the centerpiece is Fallen Gabriel, who becomes Asmodeus. It becomes a battle for Aziraphale’s heart, though Asmodeus isn’t in it for the feels so much as the revenge, obviously. Really interesting premise and something to read if rooting for Crowley is a way you like to spend your time.)

30. A Leisurely Stroll Down – Saturniidae (@Saturniiddae) (M, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale have to fight for their relationship. Has some sexual content that isn’t explicit, and gore that really sort of is. I have thrown things and cried a little at this one, but that was the price for reading while it was still updating. Absolutely gorgeous in every way. Also has God speaking through a household object and it’s hilarious.)

31. From God’s Perspective – Unfortunately (T, the one where God comes down personally to interfere in Her children’s business. The absolute best portrayal of God in any fic ever, really humanizes her in the best ways. I love how she interacts with her angel and demon children. It’s almost more of a character study of God than anything. And yes, the Sound of Music is sung.)

BUS RIDE/NIGHT BEFORE/HEAVEN AND HELL

32. Worth Knowing – summersage (T, the one where Aziraphale and Crowley discuss the Fall and manage Miltonian angel sex despite it. Has a take on how the Fall works that I was thinking about but couldn’t find words for until this fic, and it’s absolutely fantastic. The Miltonian angel sex is esoteric and weird and not at all erotic, but it is beautiful. The mortifying ordeal of being KNOWN indeed.)

33. Legendary Lovers; Your Hand in Mine – @tenoko1 (G, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale regroup in a hotel instead of his flat and have a bit of a knock-down-drag-out. Crowley is angry and scared and so in love he can’t stand it, and Aziraphale is practically going at light speed in confronting and knocking down his own barriers, and it’s highly emotionally charged and wonderful.)

AU/UA

34. Love of My Life – @ellewrites4 (T, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale get together very early and make it work all throughout history. Gorgeous romance, and the fallout from the Holy Water caper and the bandstand breakup are EXQUISITE. Peak emotional turmoil, sweet boundary negotiation, forgiveness and love and anxiety and fear—just delicious.)

35. True Love and High Adventure – @grifalinas (T, the one that’s a Princess Bride au. Absolutely on-point casting, wonderful writing style, the perfect escape fic for a little while. Incomplete but still worth the read.)

36. Inverse Omens – @amuseoffyre (T, the one where Aziraphale is a demon with a p0_rn shop and Crowley is an angel running a community center from a bombed-out church. Y’all recommended this to me on my demon!Aziraphale rating post, and it’s AMAZING. Perfect characterization and a wonderful retelling. Warning for Chapters 11 and 12, Aziraphale’s Nanny Ashtoreth messes with the Dowling parents in far more direct ways and there’s scenes of Mr. Dowling jerking it, so take care, friendos. Also Aziraphale makes the filthiest double entendres and it’s delightful. Also also Crowley needs all the hugs.)

37. A Blaze of Light – @wingedspirit (T, the one where Crowley is Raphael and he and Aziraphale make a Pact instead of an Arrangement. This one is a wild adventure, friends, and a riveting one. The Pact puts an interesting spin on their developing relationship, and by the time it gets to TV canon, it’s already off the rails in the best ways. Also Crowley has some pretty heavy depression that manifests in his former Archangel-level powers blowing up a bit, which is cool. Should be wrapping up soon and I’m pumped for it!)

38. it’s high time that you love me, cause you do it so well – mygalfriday (T, the one where Crowley can’t physically say the word “love” but can diddly dang well show it if he wants. Already super sweet but the confession scene at the end is just incredible.)

39. Hold the Line – sum_nemo (T, the one that’s a Pacific Rim AU. I adore PacRim, you guys, and this one is just *chef’s kiss*. Puts Crowley as Raleigh (lost his twin sister copilot) and Aziraphale as Mako and includes a pretty painful shared past between them, which is already simmering and delicious. Can’t wait to see where this one goes.)

40. The Truth Remains – @wanderingalicewrites (NR, the one where Crowley was Raphael, had a good relationship with his siblings, was in love with Aziraphale, and knew he was destined to Fall. Aziraphale is still in mourning for Raphael and Crowley is still working out the point of his existence, so there’s some very good pining and existential dread up in the mix. A highly interesting take on the situation and very, very good at punching you in the feels with the flashbacks to Heaven and how different things are now, especially with the other Archangels. LOL it just updated while I was writing this and I am UNDONE, I am in PAIN, the bandstand scene always hurts but NOT LIKE THIS. ALSO MORE ARCHANGEL FEELS, HOW DID THIS HAPPEN)

41. Everything Dark and Unseen – @enjambament (M, the one that’s a Psyche and Eros retelling. After the Fall but before Eden, Heaven and Hell need a truce, so they marry Crowley and Aziraphale to keep the peace in a symbolic sort of binding. A beautiful romance, an excellent action sequence, the cutest OC creatures, the best OC angels, and I wish there was a continuation of how canon progressed with this monumental change in their history bc I am THIRSTY for more. Rated M for a kinda-sorta sexy scene but there’s not really Efforts sooo…it’s more sensual than sexual? I guess? Either way, highly recommended.)

42. The Name of the Star is Wormwood – LusBeatha (T, the one where Crowley was Raphael and the Fruit of Knowledge of Good and Evil was a fly agaric mushroom. It is exactly as eccentric as it sounds, but presented in such a way that it actually makes sense. It jumps around in time, but the storyline taking place in the present is looking like Armageddon 2.0. Beautifully written, great take on canon.)

43. Sticks and Stones – @justkeeptrekkin (T, the one where Crowley takes on the guise of Casanova while trying to get over Aziraphale and Aziraphale shows up, whoops. GORGEOUS imagery, the most scrumptious pining, and if y’all appreciated the 2005 Pride and Prejudice dance scene, the one in here will about blow that one out of the water, if you can believe it. Knocked the breath right out of me.)

44. Yearning to Hold You Close – @guanin (T, the one where Aziraphale has a relationship with King Richard and asks Crowley to help save him, and there is a big sticky mess of feelings when they realize Richard and Crowley look almost exactly alike. In part inspired by David Tennant playing Richard II. A delicious, delicious emotional quandary where Crowley and Richard both wonder if Aziraphale only loves them because they look like each other, and Aziraphale doesn’t know how to say what he feels. Very sweet, very emotionally fraught.)

SOFT

45. Just This Once – @julia-writes-fanfic (T, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale kiss in the 90s and it’s amazing. The drunk 90s kiss is already good, but them revisiting it sober in 2010 makes both even better.)

46. A Sky Full of Stars – @kedreeva (G, the one where Aziraphale takes Crowley someplace where they can see the cosmos. The first GOmens fic I ever bookmarked, so I felt like including it, because it’s unbelievably sweet and has amazing visuals.)

47. The Serpent and the Seagull – @ineffably-good (G and T, the series where Aziraphale misses Crowley so he gets a little pet snake. Frederick the snake is among the best of the GOmens OCs, hilarious and foul-mouthed and once Crowley starts being able to understand him, it only gets better. Frederick likes helping his pets work their problems out so they’ll leave him alone to sleep. It’s extremely cute.)

48. The Discerning Black Swan – @lwtis (T, the one where Crowley is definitely not projecting on a black swan desperately trying to court a white mute swan in St James’ Park. I love how Crowley interfaces with his emotional problems through the swan, and the visual of the two swans is gorgeous.)

49. What A Demon Dreams – @whatawriterwields (G, the one where Crowley has some weird dreams, dude. I love the symbolism and the imagery in this one, it’s really vivid. It’s hard to pull off a concept like this so I respect how the author is able to do it and make it work.)

TOUCH STARVED/WINGS/BODY WORSHIP

50. Sunlight – crorvid (M, the one where Aziraphale is a touch-starved angel. Doesn’t deserve the M rating, in my opinion, but Aziraphale does feel the touching during their makeouts very intensely and it’s incredibly satisfying.)

51. The Curious Attractiveness of Others – @giddygeek (T, the one where Crowley finally gets to groom Aziraphale’s wings and Aziraphale gets to show Crowley how tender that can be. Another one with some great world building tucked into the corners, and emotionally satisfying grooming.)

52. Broken Wings – werebear (@werebeary) (T and M, the series where wing grooming is incredibly intimate and I got the vapors from the tenderness. Also the first time I saw anything about preen glands. The second one is rated M because the preening gets a bit…intense. Not sexual, exactly, but it’s close. Very passionate.)

53. Birthmark – Linebreaker (G, the one where Crowley has a scar on his lower back and a sad story to go with it. This one needs a bit of a harder rating, imo, and there’s one line that’s a bit Much, but otherwise it’s a sad and beautiful look at a potential reason why Crowley hates the fourteenth century so much. Lots of Crowley body worship packed into few words, very satisfying.)

54. They Are A Pale Picture of You – @ineffablefool (T, the one where they go for a walk during winter and things are just Soft. Ineffablefool has a wealth of body-positive asexual GOmens fics, but I think I like this one best, it’s sweet and adorable and some jerk who insults Aziraphale’s weight rightly gets the worst day of his life. Also Crowley compares Aziraphale in his winter wear to a plump little bird and it’s cute imagery.)

BONUS

55. Ineffable Bureaucracy Drabbles – Shift7 (T, the series of short fics where Gabriel and Beelzebub are kinda-sorta falling into friendship and being very judicious about it. Lots of paperwork, very orderly.)

56. Ineffable Bureaucracy – @eshnoazot (T and G, a series of longer fics where Gabriel and Beelzebub are navigating a careful arrangement of their own. Still lots of paperwork, of course, but there’s also emotional friction and conflict resolution. Excellent characterizations. Wednesday night Thai and Friendship night is a+++++. Gabriel deffo called a board meeting to talk about his feelings.)

57. A Bentley Sang in Berkeley Square – CastielHamilton (G, the one where the Bentley is sentient and a good, good girl. She is doing her best and I love her. Basically the series from her point of view.)

58. Fairest and Fallen – VitreousHumor (T, the series where Beelzebub and Gabriel encounter each other a few times and Gabriel tries his best to remember their shared pre-Fall history. Poignant, sad, and beautiful.)

59. Observer Effect – SquarePudding (T, the series where the Grigori in charge of recording Aziraphale’s Earthly movements starts to ship him and Crowley and records their romance. The Grigori, Rezathaniel, is a precious baby who needs to develop a better palate outside of “greasy literal garbage” and has 0 chill when it comes to their ship. They’re kind of like a celebrity blogger at this point but watching their character growth in the first story is very sweet.)

60. Soul of Vellum, Heart of Chrome – @29-pieces (G, the one where the Bentley and the Bookshop are sentient and very protective of their owners. This one is going to KILL ME with the plot I wasn’t expecting—Heaven and Hell are hunting Aziraphale and Crowley down again, so the Bentley and the Bookshop do their best to help. They’re doing so good and I’m so proud of them, it’s not their fault things went a bit south. Precious beans. Good, good things.)

61. Real Fire and Brimstone Stuff – @jessikast (G, the one where college-age Warlock helps accidentally summon his Nanny and a lot of things start to make sense. A very sweet story about Warlock getting closure and getting back in touch with Crowley and Aziraphale through the weirdest means possible.)

H/C /WHUMP/BAMF

62. Broken Hallelujah – @atlantis-is-burning (T, the one where Hastur comes to kill Aziraphale and Crowley and it’s ugly, folks. It is kinda gory and it is injury-ridden and painful, very touch-and-go for a bit. It ends well, though, and Hastur gets his, which is the Best. Tore me up one side and down the other in all the best ways.)

63. Fall Here – @marbledwings (T, the one where Aziraphale and Crowley are easing into a relationship in fits and starts, and then Crowley gets snatched. This one was AGONIZING to wait for it to update, so be glad it’s complete, because it gets pretty dark for a while. Be warned of torture, though it’s mostly implied and it’s the aftermath that’s dealt with most. It absolutely sticks the landing at the end, and has a great characterization of Michael.)

64. how deep the sand – Handful_of_Silence (G, the series where Aziraphale is trapped in a glass bubble in a wizard’s basement for fifty years and the ensuing aftermath. Feels mostly book-verse, but there are some cues from the show. Intense and realistic and emotional and heavy, drags you through the darkness and you appreciate the light all the more for it. A beautiful story.)

65. you taught me how to love, (it’s me who taught you how to stop) – @clankclunk (G, or the one where Aziraphale comes to find out that you can’t just rush into a relationship after six thousand years of repression. This one is absolutely murdering me. The angst is real. The hurt is real. I’m hoping the fluff and comfort promised in the tags is coming soon because WOW. Has a fantastically haunting view of what happens to angels, who are highly emotive beings, when they fall into depression. And Crowley’s adverse reactions to praise and love are so realistic and painful. Ouch.)

#good omens #good omens fic recs #mega gomens fic rec list #guys i'm so tired but it's so worth it #i love all of these #can't wait to rec more later

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bishiglomper · 4 years

Text

I HAD WEIRD DREAMS

Probably because I took my drugs at bedtime. My glipizide causes funky dreams.

First of all I woke up mentally chanting:

"Demons never stay

Stay away, stay away"

It makes less sense the more I sift back through it..

So. I (not physically myself) had a little sister. At some point she turned into an orange kitten that had licked up a pill that had poisoned her. The male guardian dude didn't give a shit. I shot a baby bottle of milk down her throat because I'd read milk will bind to some poisons. It worked and the kitten expelled brown chunky sludge. (Dream logic! I popped her head off like a bottle to dump the liquid out. I had to give her cpr to start her up after screwing her head back on...)

She apparently accessed some forbidden knowledge and her soulmate-couple parents were doomed to split so she decided to give up her form and we would become sisters again sometime later when the time was right. Next thing I know, she's a little Lego viking woman.

I was taken to some boy's house to play and I dug around in a junk box in their garage to find little Lego weapons and stuff my Lego sister could use to entertain herself with because she was staying there. We made the promise that I could come visit after a while. Like a year. I was worried the kid would get rid of his legos and she would be gone.

Next part is murky..

But the next part got very plot heavy. I guess I had made friends with the warrior cats and some of them had traveled out of their place and into the world. So I went looking for them

Somehow toy story characters got involved and they were interchangeable... (I remember seeing life size Woody and Buzz go into Applebees. I don't know how, why or when. I remember wondering how they were life size)

I went to the zoo and sought out this prairie dog exhibit. You could walk right up to it like it were a guinea pig pen at Earl May's.

One of my buddies was a prairie dog. He'd been separated by his buddies but he was going to somehow get back to them. I could speak to the other prairie dogs and they thought this not-really prairie dog was weird because he had refused a mate. You could tell he was sad and lonely but he was holding out for his clan. I wished him luck and said goodbye. I'd find him later.

There was this resort.. theme park... city? Thing an hour away. I think I had a lead that my buddies were headed in that direction.

Mom read me a job ad for this area. They wanted a kid for PR purposes. You have to work on this stone bridge, posing and taking pictures with cats and dogs. They did articles on service dogs and warm fuzzy things like that. We discussed it because 1) I am a very socially anxious person and omg a job wut. 2) this place was an hour away we can't just drive there everyday. Someone then said we could be picked up by helicopter (and I was like whoa I don't think I would be real chill with that, that's scary)

But then I realized I was too old but my (non-lego, now 12ish year old outgoing sister would be perfect! ...???)

I'unno. We end up in the city (its evening/night now) and I'm anxious to find a sign of my friends. I split up from my family and look around.

I find some cheap souvenirs someone dropped that were kid make-up and 2 necklaces. They were clues somehow..

There was a line going up this resort's stairs and all across the balcony, my family were in there. It was for a nifty private movie showing.

But I went looking for clues.

I found this pretty white cat with an orange patch wandering around. I talked to her, waiting apprehensively to see if I understood her speaking to me. (I could understand the warrior cats and it spanned the gap to the prairie dogs so why not)

She did speak! But it was in spanish.

I was disappointed. But then I saw 3 Latino kids playing nearby and I called them over like "Hey! Spanish speaking children!"

To the cat I was like "....habla espanol?" And she looked suprised. I told the kids I needed help with some sentences and they translated for me.. not knowing I was talking to the cat right there. I pretty much just asked if she saw any weird cats. She confirmed with a couple more tiny clues.

During this exchange, my aunt Susan had wandered over looking for me. She overheard me asking about warrior cats and she griped "You're still on that cat story? Aren't you a little old to be believing that?"

And, it was glorious. I just glared at her, raised my whole arm above my head and flipped her off. Because I was still talking to the kids/cat. She stalked away in a huff.

(My aunt always does that, saying I'm too old to like Disney characters and shit. Like wtf? Who the fuck is too old for disney?)

Anyway.

Back when we pulled into the place, I saw a "Cars" beetle car pull out of the parking lot. It was "my friend, RC" he was upset. But by time our car had stopped he was long gone, heading in the direction we CAME FROM which was odd. I tried calling for him. Obviously didn't work. Got lots of weird looks for screaming "RC!!" Into the night.

Plot happened fast after that.

I wandered up into the hotel area, trying to find the movie viewing mom was at. I wandered a hallway of rooms. I stopped at one where a woman was playing a record. There was hippie stuff in the room but otherwise was kinda sparse. I was carrying a large pan of casserole that I put down and went up to talk to the woman who looked like she expected me and greeted me with a smile.

I forget how I received this information, but Firestar was trying to lead his clan when Squirrelflight decided she wanted to go to college. She had a little teal, square album or notebook that had a spiral of pearls on it and a bottle of what was salt? Or beach sand? She took it as a nice little pretty thing but if she didn't do something specific with the bottle of sand, something would happen to the clan and they'd fall apart. But they couldn't find her.

While I'm finding this out (I think by ambient dream symbiosis) a white cat with brown tabby patches comes in. He's a jerk but I don't remember what he said.

I take some metallic plastic confetti and some tiny potion bottles from the woman's table (who had left) I had a very strong sense I had to take a piece of this heart shaped spiral confetti from this paper bag.. I was about to write the woman a note explaining this when a man entered the room. I told him that (the woman) knew I was there and I was just about to write this note..

When the cat yells at me "What, are you an idiot? He's a demon!" Y'know. Like, run!

So I flee and he lumbers after me. Suddenly people are everywhere like a convention. I'm dodging, trying to lose him..

Stuff happens. Some girl finds me and teaches me a chant that's essentially "see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil" and is a ward against demons that very fragiley renders me invisible to them. But I have to keep chanting it and I kept stumbling over it. The girl helped. An extra chanter strengthened it.

She led me to a hidden alcove in the side of the building like the size of a vent. The piece of spiral confetti; when you held it, bent in the direction of something like a locator spell . It led me to the correct hole. (There were half a dozen) Where there were several piles of random little items and pills. Apparently these all helped ward me against the demons. They were for specific times and situations.

The girl explained that as time went on, wards moved away from enchanted items and they just started making pills that did the work. It was more convenient and worked more reliably. Some looked like antihistimines..

So I shoved all these haphazardly in my little backpack and I followed the girl who ran across some lawns away from the hotel.

I needed somewhere to take a breather and sort through all this shit. Also there was a letter from the alcove too.

But this was BAD because I look back and find a teenage black girl was running... or gliding after me. She looked like a pissed vampire.

Girl I followed yelled at me that my chant only worked in the vicinity of the hotel. I was completely unprotected. I wasn't supposed to follow her. Oops

We ran until we crossed a few lawns a few blocks and towards a strip mall.

A very dismayed middle aged Asian dude was waiting at the door of one store. As soon as the we cleared the door, he closed us in with like a garage or storage unit door. It would protect us for a while.

Asian doctor guy was very unhappy that we were there. He was friends with the girl but did not have permission to use him to protect us.

Unfortunately that's when I woke up...

So I woke up chanting for demons to stay away and never found out what happened to my friends ��

#dream #long post

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carnationwrites · 5 years

Text

11/11/11 Tag Game

I was tagged by @bonafidealchemy! Thank you!!!!

1. How would you pitch your wip to someone who knew nothing about it?

I usually say something along the lines of:

“It follows two cousins who live in a society of people with nature-based powers”

2. Do you have a specific audience in mind for your wip?

Nah man. There’s a lot of swearing and some dark themes (cause war) but that’s more of a rating than an audience thing

3. Is it important to you that your wip has a moral or a message?

Umm... kinda?? I like to pose questions in my work, but I don’t often answer them, you know? I want to bring up important issues issues and stuff, but sometimes I don’t have solutions to the bad, I just want people to take notice of the bad.

4. What kinds of relationships do you like writing the most (romantic, platonic, familial, etc)?

PLATONIC ALL THE WAY

5. What kind of research have you done for your wip? what have you learned?

Hmm. A lot of my research went into translating different words into Urdu and constructing my government in a way that made sense.

I also did my due diligence to make injuries believable. A lot of what I learned was about the symptoms of organ failure so 😂

6. If your wip became very successful, would you want to make a movie adaptation? why or why not?

YEAH I WOULD. I mean, but that’s only if I got to play Hylla, because most of the stories I write have that one character that I want to play DO BAD

7. Did you have any alternate title ideas for your wip? if so, what are they?

Not really. Epic was honestly just kind of a placeholder because it reminded me of that animated movie of the same name and even though as the story developed it drifted farther away from that movie, I felt like the name had grown on me, so I kept it

8. What has been the hardest part about writing your wip so far?

Putting together the pieces that I came up with in the past and my current writing style. I came up with this idea almost 3 years ago, but I didn’t write much then, so I only put bits and pieces down on paper. When I remembered it and decided I wanted to actually turn it into a fully fledged story, I brought out all the little things I had thought about forever ago and tried to fit it into a coherent plot.

9. Do you prefer writing action or description?

Neither???? I’m a dialogue writer all the way. But between those two, I’d rather write description. I find it hard to find balance between too much description and not enough description of what’s going on in action scenes.

10. What do you want your readers to come away with after reading your story?

Don’t panic when you don’t know what to do about something. Sometimes problems arise and you don’t have a solution, so just follow the problem along and worry about how to get rid of it when there are options posed.

11. What’s your favorite part about your wip? what makes you excited to write it?

My favorite part is really developing the different relationships between characters. I love writing those parts because it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy and I think of my amazing friends and family and the amazing friends I’ll make along the way and stuff

My questions are:

1. Which of your ocs is most like you? Which one is the least like you?

2. Do you prefer writing original fiction or fanfiction (if you do both)?

3. What is your favorite line that you have written?

4. Have any your original works been influenced by other tv shows/movies/books? If so, which ones?

5. What is your method to get over writers block?

6. What is one song that represents your current wip?

7. What POV do you prefer to write in?

8. Do you write everything in chronological order, or do you write separate scenes and put them all together?

9. Do you prefer to read books in a series or standalone books?

10. When did you start writing?

11. Is there a book that you read all the way through, then ended up disliking?

Tags: @odpadkywriter, @aslanwrites, @typewrxter, @writersung, @short-n-simple, @fairy-tale-king, @yearlyaquariace (no pressure for you guys to do this! Especially those of you who have already done it before!)

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joshnekuu · 7 years

Note

For the Ship Questions ~ DavidxRobin

Who would win tickle wars: David always starts them but Robin always wins. But he’s pretty sure David is letting him win half the time just because he’s enjoying it too much.

Who would draw pictures of the other in their sketchbook: Robin seems like he’d be more likely to have a sketchbook, and he would enjoy drawing David’s face and hair a lot I think. And get frustrated that he can never get it to look just right. He tries not to show David though because David offers to pose nude to give Robin ~inspiration~ and then Robin is just Done

Who would holds hands while walking: David will always grab Robin’s hand whenever they’re walking side by side, and just link his fingers with his

Who would gives cheek kisses: David is usually the one who does it when Robin is sitting around or cooking, but once they’ve been together for awhile Robin will sneak David some now and then when they’re eating or getting ready for bed.

Who would start a snowball fight: They are both pretty likely to start one, but Robin likes to toss one and then hide in his cloak so David can’t see who threw it. If Robin wins it’s through stealth and dirty tricks. If David won it’s cuz he threw his snowball so hard it acted as his noble phantasm and he just knocks Robin out cold and starts freaking out.

Who would slip the most on a date to go ice skating: David isn’t really used to ice skating, or all that graceful when it comes to that sort of movement, so he’s clinging to Robin the entire time, trying not to fall over.

Who leaves letter in the others locker: David leaves lots of notes for Robin, and they range from lovey dovey to downright filthy. Robin likes to sneak little notes into places he knows David is going to go, but he never signs them. David knows they’re from him though.

Who would bring lunch to school/work for the other: Robin rarely forgets his lunch, but David will still come to eat with him because he just likes eating with Robin. David will purposely forget his lunch because he knows Robin will bring it to him and it gives him an excuse to see Robin more throughout the day. Robin knows he does it on purpose but still brings it anyway because he loves his stupid boyfriend.

Who would want cuddle at the movie theater date: David usually wants to cuddle but honestly Robin is incredibly touch starved and will always snuggle right up to David when they watch movies and put his arm around him. It takes awhile for Robin to reach that level of comfort with him, though.

Who would buy cheezy cliche gifts for each other on holidays: Neither of them really do cheesy stuff. Robin may steal some cheap dollar store gag gift to give to David to make him laugh, but he usually makes his own gifts to give, so they’re always heartfelt. David is extremely careful with his money, so if he’s going to be buying a gift, he’s going to make sure it’s something he knows Robin will appreciate and enjoy.

Who would start an argument about what color curtains they should have at home: David. He has very specific ideas about how their home should look, from the color scheme to the design, but Robin really doesn’t care as long as it isn’t too gaudy.

Who would remember their anniversary: David is very good at remembering that sort of stuff. Robin is always embarrassed because he tends to forget, but David doesn’t really mind.

Who would blurt out how much they love the other in front of people: David is very happy to show off his boyfriend and has no qualms about expressing his love in front of however many people. Robin is not used to this sort of stuff so he is always very flustered by it and will usually pull his hood up so no one can see his face.

Who would offer to wash the others back in the shower: David. It’s always a come on, and Robin knows it. It’s usually when they’re taking a bath though, because David doesn’t want to run up the water bill by taking too long a shower (he also convinced Robin to start taking showers with him by making a very compelling argument that them both showering at the same time would save time and money on the shower).

Who would post up statuses about the other on facebook: David posts tons of pics of the two of them and lots of pics of Robin doing things. He also posts a bunch of pictures of him with their sheep because of course they have sheep. Robin has some pics of David working with the animals or just walking out in the woods. And some very unflattering pictures taken when he’s eating or snoring or midconversation that he refuses to take down.

Who would have the others picture as their phone background: David changes his background frequently so sometimes he will have a pic of Robin and sometimes something else. Robin has a picture of his bird as his background but he has a bunch of pics of David in his gallery.

Who would take pictures of the other while they’re sleeping: They both do. David because he thinks Robin is cute, Robin because he thinks David looks funny when he snores and likes to have proof. And also because he’s pretty but shh.

Who says I love you: David says it more frequently, but Robin will say it back when he does, and when he’s just feeling all warm and fuzzy and thinking about how happy he is.

#davrob #fate #ship meme #enumagilgamesh

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lins-fandom-hub · 5 years

Text

weird asks thing

from this post

okay here we go

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

Tea cups and coffee mugs! Not that I’m a firm collector. I just happen to have them is all.

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

Chocolate bars.

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

Cotton Candy!!

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

Hyper, not very cooperative, loud

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

Soda bottles, though I wouldn’t mind glass cups.

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

Huh? I...tend to go casual, and the colour scheme doesn’t matter to me much. I’d say tomboy if I have to pick from this list though.

7. earbuds or headphones?

Headphones--if I could find a nice pair.

8. movies or tv shows?

Movies. I don’t know any TV shows.

9. favorite smell in the summer?

Freshly cut grass after mowing the lawn.

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

Don’t even talk to me about P.E. The only thing I remember from it was the stress that dodgeball brought around.

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

Eggs, bread, oatmeal. Nothing too fancy. Sometimes I actually make a breakfast sandwich with avocados and cheese, but if said items weren’t in the fridge...

12. name of your favorite playlist?

Windows Down 2k18. Has tracks from many different artists and eras that I actually like to listen to. No classical though, that’s another playlist.

13. lanyard or key ring?

Lanyard. Can’t get enough of them back in university.

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

Fuzzy Peaches.

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

The Magician’s Nephew by C. S. Lewis.

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

Mermaid pose? On the floor, at least.

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

A pair of black Adidas shoes my mom recently bought this year for me and my sister. Turns out that my sister wears the white pair more while I wear the black. Not that I mind.

18. ideal weather?

Sunny with no chance of rain.

19. sleeping position?

Mostly on my right side all curled up.

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

Depends on my mood. Sometimes my computer for fanfic novels. Sometimes my notebook if I have secrets to spill.

21. obsession from childhood?

Does Disney count?

22. role model?

Idina Menzel.

23. strange habits?

Talking to myself (a lot), singing at my desk (or humming), twirling my pencil too much.

24. favorite crystal?

White Calcite.

25. first song you remember hearing?

Ummm...the wheels on the bus? I can’t remember.

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

Walk around the park and catch Pokemon (in Pokemon GO).

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

Go ice skating!

28. five songs to describe you?

“Speechless” - Naomi Scott

“Blown Away” - Carrie Underwood

“I Dare You” - Bea Miller

“Bless Myself” - Lucy Hale

“Can’t Be Tamed” - Miley Cyrus

29. best way to bond with you?

Walk through the park with me. Or talk about stuff with me. Anything, really, so long as it doesn’t bore either of us.

30. places that you find sacred?

Any place that holds a tall temple.

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

a pair of denim shorts and a black t-shirt. or if it’s in the winter, a pair of jeans and a comfy hoodie.

32. top five favorite vines?

I don’t watch vines. Welp.

33. most used phrase in your phone?

Welp.

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

For a while it was this Liberty ad I remember watching while I was in the States, but that’s pretty much it...

35. average time you fall asleep?

On school nights, 12 am or so, maybe 2 am at latest. Right now, about 10 pm or so.

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

anything involving grumpy cat.

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

Suitcase! Makes things feel more official.

38. lemonade or tea?

Lemonade.

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

Lemon meringue pie!

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

At least once a term it’s turned into the biggest Humans vs Zombies war zone ever.

41. last person you texted?

my mom

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

jacket pockets!

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

Hoodies!

44. favorite scent for soap?

Anything floral works.

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

Fantasy.

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

my pyjamas!

47. favorite type of cheese?

Havarti. But that’s because I eat it so often.

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

Probably a grape. Or a bunch of grapes.

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

“When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.” ~Thomas Jefferson

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

Any GIF from Hamilton the Musical.

51. current stresses?

Job searching and updating stories on Wattpad.

52. favorite font?

Comic Sans--NOPE. Tahoma or Verdana, I guess.

53. what is the current state of your hands?

Fairy smooth, I guess? Though the nails are misshapen due to my horrendous attempts at cutting them, and my pinkies are curved due to genetics passed down from generations past. Whee.

54. what did you learn from your first job?

I learned that not everyone will treat you with the same respect, and that you have to look past that flaw to give them a chance.

55. favorite fairy tale?

The Goose Girl.

56. favorite tradition?

Anything Chinese New Year related.

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

Depression in the wake of my grandfather’s death; lack of confidence after my parents’ condemning; lack of concentration following a head injury

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

Playing the piano, playing the violin, singing on pitch, and opening bottles with lids screwed on too tightly.

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

“Don’t even try to mess with me.”

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

I don’t even know the first thing about Anime, so I don’t even know how to answer this.

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

“That’s my girlfriend, you numpties!” ~Ron Weasley

62. seven characters you relate to?

Anna - Frozen

Rapunzel - Tangled

Katniss - The Hunger Games

Tris - Divergent

Rowan - HPHM

[insert 2 other characters here]

63. five songs that would play in your club?

“Turn Down for What” - DJ Snake ft Lil John

“High Hopes” - Panic! At the Disco

“Dance, Dance” - Fall Out Boy

“Victorious” - P!ATD

“Kill This Love” - BLACKPINK

64. favorite website from your childhood?

Webkinz.com or Poptropica.com

65. any permanent scars?

One on my right knee from an unfortunate slip on ice in the winter four years ago.

66. favorite flower(s)?

Daisies, lilies, or tulips.

67. good luck charms?

depends on whatever holds more sentimental value. For now, it’s a little Niffler that I crocheted off a YouTube tutorial (and its name is Nuggets.)

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

I typically don’t like anything too spicy, but I really hate the taste of mushrooms. Not the Asian ones--Baby Bellas, specifically. Just...no.

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

Currently not applicable.

70. left or right handed?

Right handed.

71. least favorite pattern?

Huh?

72. worst subject?

Gym.

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

I’ll get back to you on that.

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

7 or 8.

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

I was...five or six? Still fairly young.

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

Anything that’s a mix of fries or tater tots! Those are just--mm.

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

I’m not much of a plant-grower but any small plant works fine.

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

Sushi from a grocery store, please.

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

School ID photo.

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

Jewel tones.

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

Fireflies. What are lightning bugs??

82. pc or console?

Console--and here I wish I still had one!

83. writing or drawing?

Writing.

84. podcasts or talk radio?

Talk radio.

84. barbie or polly pocket?

Barbie--mostly because I didn’t know Polly Pocket existed until I was like 10 or 11.

85. fairy tales or mythology?

Fairy tales.

86. cookies or cupcakes?

Cupcakes! Cookies! Can I say both???

87. your greatest fear?

People stabbing me to death with nothing but words of betrayal on their lips.

88. your greatest wish?

Hey, if I told you that, it wouldn’t come true.

89. who would you put before everyone else?

My little sister.

90. luckiest mistake?

Haven’t had any recently.

91. boxes or bags?

Boxes.

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

Sunlight!

93. nicknames?

Never had any, though someone in an old English class I used to teach thought it’d be funny to call me Crayola.

94. favorite season?

Spring!

95. favorite app on your phone?

Pokemon GO for now.

96. desktop background?

A picture I took last summer of a monarch butterfly landing on a pink flower.

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

None? Okay, like, 3, but mostly because they’re really important numbers.

98. favorite historical era?

Music speaking, the Classical era. Otherwise, I don’t know, I haven’t studied that extensively into history.

#this took me way too long #rip #about clara lin #about me #legit though

0 notes

dorothydelgadillo · 5 years

Text

6 Unintentional Mistakes You’re Making with Your Website & Content Photo Choices

Have you ever scrolled through a website minding your own business when you are suddenly met with the cold stare of other human beings?

They seem happy, but their smiles only touch their mouths. Their eyes are staring at you without emotion. Also, they’re awkwardly touching each other's hands.

No one in the photo wants to be touching each other. Man, this is uncomfortable.

You, my friend, have met 171108017 - one of literally billions of stock photos that have been used on websites since the dawn of the internet. (BTW, Happy Birthday internet!)

If you’re guilty of using photos like 171108017 on your website, it’s okay. We’ve all done it at some point. And we’re here to help you stop.

Whether you’re using stock photography or custom photography, your goal is to be authentic. You want the photos to feel real—not contrived.

When people skim the contents of your website, your imagery and photos are a critical component to your messaging; they help to illustrate what you're talking about and help people better envision it.

In fact, according to Brain Rules: If you “...hear a piece of information, and three days later you'll remember 10% of it. Add a picture and you'll remember 65%.” Sometimes the photo is the only thing the visitor will take away from a page.

If you have the wrong image, you risk alienating the user right away.

Here are some common mistakes you could be making with your photo choices -- and more importantly, how to fix them.

1. You’re Using Stock Photography

Okay, that title is a little tongue in cheek.

Of course, you’re using stock photography because that’s the only choice for a lot of organizations!

But you can’t blame me for calling it a mistake.

In many situations, organizations aren’t thinking enough about the user when selecting stock photos and they end up using cold, unnatural, generic images that can create a sense of inauthenticity like the one I described in the intro.

In an ideal world, we would all have the time and money to hire a professional photographer to take original photos, but most of us can’t.

That, however, doesn’t mean you will have a mediocre outcome with your own photography.

Try doing it yourself! The photographic capabilities of some current smartphones are astounding. Just make sure you have good light! Not to mention, “authentic” images resonate.

If stock photography really is your only choice, stick to the big guys like Getty Images, iStock Photo or Shutterstock because of their seemingly endless supply of photos.

There are also some decent free stock photo sites out there as well, like Unsplash and flickr if you want something less conventional.

2. Your Photos Don’t Have the Right Emotional Pull

If you don’t have the right tone, subject matter, or connection to your audience, your website will feel off.

Your photo choices play a big part in this.

Are yours saying what you want them to say or are they just fillers?

Each image you use should have a specific reason and strategy for being there.

Imagine a funeral home with photos of people enjoying themselves. That’s mixed messaging at its worst. Not only does it not quite work, but create a confusing experience for the user.

Take this example from the personal banking section for Fifth Third Bank:

They had the opportunity to connect to their audience with a warm photo, but missed the boat with a cold photo that may only connect to space age lab techs.

What does this photo really say that connects with the user or describes what Fifth Third can do for them?

This doesn’t touch on pain points or establish their value. It feels “top-down” and one dimensional.

3. They’re Unrealistic and Unnatural (The “Cheesy” Kiss of Death)

If your website is met with an eye roll, you’re clearly not succeeding.

You want the visitor to feel as though the scene they are viewing is one that they can relate to and understand.

You don’t want your photos to look like actors were hired and the scenario is staged. The goal for all images is authenticity and resonance.

The visitor will “check out” if they don’t feel a connection to the imagery.

For example, the World Bank fell into this trap with this hero image:

Sometimes photos can be a little too “on the nose.” This photo is far too literal and misses the emotional connection mark.

Any of the sub-topic images are more compelling and resonate with the viewer as a relatable experience.

I would rather see an actual scene from the results of Green Bonds on sustainability and why it matters to me.

4. Your Photos Are Cropped Awkwardly

While the subject in the photo may be attractive, having a zoomed in view of their nose is not ideal.

There might be a good reason for that, which is fine, but keep in mind what your audience would want to see. It’s probably not a nose.

When you crop a photo awkwardly, you risk not showing the information the viewer is supposed to see or even distracting from it, if it is showing.

To avoid this, think about all the ways the photo can be viewed — desktop, tablet, and smartphone.

Be sure to test each of these devices (and browsers on them) as you’re putting content into a website. This will help you catch poor visual experiences before they have the chance to face visitors.

5. Your Photos Are Poor Quality

We want our website to be as efficient and lightning-fast as possible. Otherwise, visitors will likely abandon your website very quickly.

Unfortunately, sometimes image optimization can push the photos on a site to look less than stellar.

They become fuzzy or pixelated.

Visitors might seriously doubt the quality of your brand if you aren’t even presenting a positive front with quality images.

What’s the answer? Tools like TinyPNG and JPEG-Optimizer can help. They will compress the photo without the quality taking too much of a hit.

6. You’re Using Photos Without Permission

Google image search is not a photo farm to graze upon. Make sure the photos you are using are not copyrighted.

Photographers take their work very seriously and are often taken advantage of without their knowledge.

Karma has a way of saying “hello!” when you’ve probably forgotten your using an image without permission. The fines can be hefty, so don’t take the chance.

See #1 above for places to avoid this.

Here Are Some Questions to Ask Yourself When Selecting Photos

Now, this may be a lot to try to avoid, but it’s easier than you think. There are certain things to look for that will help weed your image selections down.

Do these connect with my audience? Look at who your audience is and try and view the website from their eyes. Will it resonate or does it feel thin? The goal, again, is to be as authentic as possible.

Do the photos feel “canned”? Ask yourself “Does this feel unique? Would another website of a similar industry likely have a photo like this?” You don’t want the visitor to feel like they aren’t getting a “unique to your website” experience.

If there’s text over it, can you read it? It’s important to have enough contrast on a photo for either light or dark text to be visible. If not, putting an overlay over the photo will sometimes work, as long as important aspects of the photo aren’t being covered. No one should have to strain their eyes to read the text.

Does it align with my messaging? If your image doesn’t make sense for your copy you run the risk of sending mixed signals. This can be extremely confusing and off-putting for a visitor.

Does it work for mobile? Photos will adjust differently on mobile than desktop. Make sure all important aspects of the photo are still visible on mobile. Text that is readable on desktop may not be readable on mobile. You might have to treat the overlay different if there is one.

Left (Desktop) gradient overlay going left to right, Right (Mobile) gradient overlay going bottom to top

A Few Tricks When Searching Stock Photography

If you’re turning to stock photographs specifically, what you put in the search field makes a huge difference in the results.

One or two words more or less will get you vastly different results. Here are a few tips to keep in mind:

Use “candid” when searching.

This tends to give you a more natural looking result. It also tends to weed out the photos of people posing for the camera.

Avoid subjects staring at the camera.

You don’t want the photo to feel posed—that’s nearly the definition of “stock”. And the goal is to find something that doesn’t look like stock. Look for scenes that could actually happen in the real world and that you want associated with your brand.

Include “soft focus” in the search field.

These results are often more unique and have a warm rich feeling to them. They create a more authentic feel, which is what we all go for.

Proper Photography Is Better for Everyone

This may seem like a lot to think about when selecting photography for your website, but it’s worth it for your audience. Imagery on your website tells a story words sometimes can’t. You want to get it right for your audience while you have a chance.

Avoid these mistakes and you are sure to create a better user experience.

from Web Developers World https://www.impactbnd.com/blog/mistakes-with-your-website-content-photo-choices

0 notes

tinderellaola · 7 years

Text

the last time I was “in love”

I have not been in a relationship in 4 years and that fucks me up. it makes me wonder if there's something wrong with me. if there's something wrong with other people. if they're hard to please. if I'm hard to please. sometimes I want a hookup and even that's hard to get because men don't like easy women. other times I'll make a vow to not hook up and that's when men enjoy the chase. coming out bisexual hasn't increased my chances of having a partner either. women in Toronto, I'm guessing, want a Ruby Rose lookalike or someone to listen to Tegan and Sara with (I love them but not enough to point it out in my profile, I guess), or they want someone who looks like Ellen Page. I've had the luck of matching and talking to beautiful fellow brown girls just like myself, and who I've sincerely always liked and hope is not some disgusting fetish, even though South Asian brown girls are desexualised (oh yes, even the light-skinned ones!). but eventually I just don't like the girls like that anymore. I start to understand the men who reject me after a first date. even though they're very pretty and nice and still have things in common with me, I just don't feel a spark. I could also bring up the fact that one girl backed away from me once she asked me how did I confirm I'm bi and I answered her.

it's not as if I haven't been in love with ANYbody since my toxic one-year relationship a couple years ago (need I point out that *I* was the toxic one with my yelling and ambiguity of what I want that could be mistaken or actually seen as controlling and manipulative. there was also my insecurity which definitely didn't go hand-in-hand with my ex's superiority complex and sensitive soul). there was, well let's call this guy... Tom (not a name I've ever dated before so this is safe).

Tom was a wonderful chaotic mess. he was a Sagittarius if that tells you enough. but even before I knew his star sign, Sagittarius was one of my two guesses. he had to either be a Sag or an Aquarius. Tom and I matched May 2015, 2 days after I had a hookup with one other guy named... I'll say Carpet. not to mention, Carpet was very nice and fun and considerate by trying to get me home on time to my religious family who I had to lie to by saying I was just out with friends.

anyway Tom and I matched 2 days after Carpet and I hooked up. he messagd me "Strokes shirt = good sign" in reference to the Strokes shirt I was wearing in one of my profile pictures. I checked his profile to try and see who I right-swiped on; it was some white boy with curly light brown hair, small blue eyes, and a goti; he had a posed shot of himself, another where he was diving into a lake from some cliff, and another of him drumming on his kit. so I messaged him back and we set a date for tomorrow pretty breifly into the conversation, with both of us trusting ourselves that we'll just click better in person. I gave him my number, he texted his name and that he's from tinder, I tried to prolong a conversation unintentionally, and got no message back until the day of our date.

he texted me and asked if we were still on for today. I said yes. so we met up a couple hours after that text, on our set time, with nothing in particular planned. he recently moved to my city and was living with his aunt and uncle. even though I've been in the city my whole life, I was not very good at giving directions. so we met up in this quaint downtown and I told him to "meet me at that wine bar if you know it." so yeah we met outside the wine bar, with no intention to go there. so he mentioned having a car and offered to buy some beers at the nearest liquor store, go to the lake, and chat. I said okay. so we did just that.

we sat by the lake and talked, and I gave him some of my Camel cigarettes in exchange for the beers. we talked about ourselves just as any date should be; our jobs/education, our siblings, our parents, concerts, weed, acid trips, our friends, dogs, That 70s Show being the retro weirdos we were, and so on. he did bring up some ex girlfriends and I thought nothing of it at the time. I was just enjoying his company, being happy to have gotten this date and not caring about the hookup with Carpet anymore. hell, I didn't even care if I would hook up with Tom or not, despite having a vow to just hook up with people summer 2015.

the date did end with us fucking in his car though, and he dropped me home even though it was out of his way. we talked some more, and he told me that guys don't actually brag about having sex. like, it's mentioned in locker rooms but no specifics are brought up. I was pretty tipsy in his car so I zoned out sometimes and told him I forgot to tell him to make a turn somewhere. but yeah we found the way eventually, we kissed goodnight, and we joked about who should text who.

the day after, he texted me and asked if I wanted to smoke pot with him tomorrow. I had to say no because my parents wanted me to help out with yardwork, which I didn't even have to do anymore! still, Tom and I had a couple more dates. well, only 2 good ones if I'm gonna be honest now, or 3... I'll explain.

the second date, we met outside "that wine bar" again, went to this pipe shop where he bought the pipe, walked to his car where he claimed to just be picking up the weed from, but got us to sit in the car, and be thrilled about having some cocaine in the same stash he had his weed. I nodded my head slowly, trying not to be so alarmed by this, and just thinking he wouldn't have some lines in front of me. but he DID. he got out a CD case, put some lines there, and once I processed this I freaked out, like "omg you're doing this RIGHT now?" he freaked out back, like, pretending to be considerate and reassuring me that coke wears out in an hour. I reminded him that we're cruising soon so he shouldn't drive just yet. he said he wouldn't, so he asked for my OK. I uncomfortably said fine. I tried to let that slide along with the mentions of ex girlfriends. we had a fun rest of the time finally finding a place to smoke, it was by some beach with just some other couple about our ages there and neverminding that young adults smoke pot.

we also walked and took turns going to a bathroom at the back of a grocery store. then we went back to his car, with the weed high going away even for my sensitive body and my lightweight-ness. we got poutine and went back in the car to listen to the Distillers, the music being my choice because he was cool enough to let me do that (believe it or not, men hardly ever let you choose the movie or music and so on so this was pretty big of him to me!).

we called it ane early night. he started working 5am-3pm shifts, which he happily told me about so that we could hang out earlier than the evenings now. still, after the second date I hadn't seen him in over a week. we weren't even texting. last time I did text him was to ask coke for a friend of a friend and he said he couldn't text anything like this to me right now and that he has to deal with some stuff right now. I respected that, kinda sensing that he was in trouble but still a little paranoid I was doing something wrong myself.

I saw him again after I slept over at a friend's house about a half away hour. we (my friends and I) pulled an all-nighter just partying with some of her classmates and dealing with the cops and inspecting the house (thankfully, these white dudes running the party had their weed in a seemingly obvious spot like by their computers but not where the cops checked anyway). anyhow I was exhausted af. my brother (who is just a year younger than I am and is one of my best friends so we were always rebellious together) picked me up from my friend's place. on the way back home, Tom texted me and told me he just got his own place, still in my city, and was inviting me over. being the smitten kitten I was at the time, I said okay and that I'll be about an hour. I wanted to go home and shower off this party smell and tiredness for a cute dude I've only met twice.

so I did all that, and Tom offered to pick me up. I told him that'd be cool, just not outside my house directly in case my mom would come home from work soon. so I met up with him at a plaza just a block down. he eagerly greeted me and we had some small talk. after that fuzzy stuff, I asked him how his week's been and why he stopped texting and suddenly wanted me around again. he sighed before saying that he got arrested for drug possession, and that he's on probation now. I was stunned. but a 20-going-on-21 year old girl who hoped this guy could be my second boyfriend after being single for 2 years. so I stayed in the car with him, let him drive off, waited in the car and listened to Pond as he went grocery shopping in the same store my aunt worked at, and finally we were at his new basement apartment. he also bought me a new lighter after I left mine in his car after the second date, and the cops cleared his car of any drug utensils. I still have this maroon lighter by the way! after 2 years it still works, so it's a good one.

anyway over at his place I helped him put up a Pink Floyd poster and then a Simpsons one in the tiny and cozy place. he warmed up frozen pizza which we cut with scissors (his idea) and we talked as he set up Django Unchained on his laptop because he didn't have a TV. he didn't have Internet either. so we were pretty old school, like early 2000s old school, by just using a DVD and a computer. I think he said his laptop was like 10 years old too even though it was an Apple. anyway in the talk before the movie he told me that he's bi. I told him that I was too. we smiled out of relief from that, and he ended the moment like, "I like dicks, I like vaginas. whatever" to which I laughed at. and even though we had a heavy fight about reverse racism as we talked through Django, I stayed the night. I insisted we get past this differing thoughts and opinion of a concept even though we were both passionate about it, pretend we never had this talk even though he was mad enough to try and kick me out of his place. I blurted out to him that it can't end this way, because I really REALLY liked him. he said, "well I was starting to like you too!" so that was when I said, "then let's just give this a chance. this is ONE thing we're disagreeing on."

the following night, he gave me a piggy-back around his place, like what they show in white romantic movies. we watched some live Woodstock videos. and we had sex before sleeping on and off through the night.

we spent the next day, a Sunday so I got that cliched Sunday morning date, at his place all sleep-deprived. we watched a movie (the whole thing this time), and for some reason looked at pictures of him and his ex girlfriends on his laptop, and then he wanted to pick up perogies from his aunt at her beautiful big house. so we went to her place. on the way there I told him I had to pee, so he suggested I could pee at his aunt's place. the thought of meeting a fuck buddy's aunt was weird to me, especially in my sleep-deprived state. but I went inside with him anyway. as his aunt had to show him something upstairs anyway, I went to the bathroom and then waited out in the hallway of this beautiful big house with his uncle sitting in the kitchen and reading the paper. I thought of saying hi but also didn't want to in this context, like he didn't know who tf I was and Tom wasn't there as proof that I was a friend of his. so I silently waited, and they were back downstairs anyway. Tom had the pack of frozen perogies in his hand, we both said bye to her, and left.

I stayed a bit longer at Tom's place. we watched The Lego Movie, That 70s Show (which was when he called me smart like Donna by the way, and pointed out I said some things he learned about reverse racism not being real), had sex, showered together, and I decided I should get going. it was 6pm when I told him I should go. my mom called earlier and she asked when I was getting back from "another friend's" house (I told her it was a girl friend). so I told her I was just at the mall now and will be getting back home from there now. she said okay.

but at home I just haaaaaad to make a tumblr post about my sleepover at Tom's place and our lovely Sunday together. I had my older sister on tumblr, and she's basically a third parent. I just figured she wasn't using her blog anymore. but... she was lurking her dash still, alright. she confronted me about it, and was upset I did that. I freaked out at her, because I was mad that I got caught and mad that she wouldn't let me learn things on my own. it was ugly.

luckily for me, I forgot my phone charger at his place. so I texted him and asked if it was there. he said yeah and that I could visit him on Wednesday (like 3 days after the sleepover) to pick it up. I said that'd be good. so we met up again and this time he had a friend coming over so I got to meet one of his friends, and he was nice. we got drunk and talked politics again. Tom was such a mansplainer by trying to cut me out of conversation and saying that I wasn't getting the topic right. his friend, on the other hand, said that I was saying relevant things, which got Tom pretty annoyed.

well anyway I accidentally took his Doors shirt home. I wore it as a joke when we were all drunk but forgot to take it off. so yeah I had it for a while. I washed it before going to his place again and gave it back to him. he was so relieved it was just with me the whole time because he thought he lost it and he wanted to wear it to a show with "a new friend" he was going with. he told me it was some girl. but I tried to let that slide off along with the ex-girlfriends and being a coke-head! but then he started ghosting on me. he pretended he missed some texts from me, and would say he couldn't hang out some weekends. he was friends with some new girl on Facebook who didn't seem like she was an old high school friend or anything. I spent weeks wondering if we were gonna talk again. I had a friend ask me if we were official yet because I knew him for over a month and gone through a lot with him at that point. I had to tell her no we weren't; it was the opposite. I excused that maybe he's busy, busy with the court cases and visiting his family an hour away some weekends, and meeting up with old friends who were visiting the city, busy trying to find a new job after losing the one he already had, and so on.

3 weeks later I texted him and asked if he was busy. he said no. so I asked if he wanted to hang out. he said "sure. where?" I said that his place is fine. so I came and we just watched movies again. he treated me like some relative rather than someone he had all these inside jokes with and wanted to kiss sometimes. we had some cigarettes outside his place and he'd *casually* mention the new girl he was hanging out with and that she spent the week at his place, and he told me the same name I saw on his updated friends list on Facebook. I just changed the subject.

every hangout I had with him, except that last one, we'd always kiss goodbye. but in that last one we didn't even hug. I tried to let that slide, along with the ex-girlfriends, him being a coke-head, an entitled white boy, and the insensitive mentions of the new girl.

I couldn't sleep for a week. I was always nauseous. he was on my mind all the damn time. he even came into my dreams in the rare moments I WOULD sleep. so I knew I had to talk to him. this went on for a week. so I texted him and asked if I could come over. he said he doesn't live in that house anymore. so I said "ok then let's meet up somewhere. I wanna talk." he said that he's living with his folks, who live an hour away so he can call me in about 20 minutes. I said fine. then he asked me if everything was okay. I left my phone in my room that time and was downstairs. so I came back to see a follow-up text which was a "Hello?" I told him yeah it is, and that I just don't know why he got distant all of a sudden. yes, pretty accusatory. but I wasn't sure how else to say it in this nervous state. so we didn't call each other. he replied to my text, getting all defensive and vague. I pressed him, which got him to say, "I lost my driver's license, got kicked out of my place, and have a couple court sessions left. my life sucks right now! I can't deal with anything right now. it's nothing personal." I said, "ok that's fine. but what about the past few weeks before all this?" he said, "I dunno I guess I just got busy." I replied, "with the girl who slept over for a week?" he was all, "I guess. and with family and friends." he sent a follow-up: "are you mad that I'm seeing other people?" I said no, and that I was mad about him getting distant. I think I'm saying all this out of order. but anyway the talk ended with me offering to be there if he ever needs to vent. he didn't reply.

he kept me on Facebook. but then I saw him tag the other girl in a status of some music video, and it hurt like the flames of Hell!!!!!!!!!! so I removed him and his number and got drunk a lot and cry. I remember this one night I came home after a night out at a pub at my brother. I was making myself a burger at 2am and dropped the spatula and broke down. my sister (not the one who caught my tumblr post. I have 2 sisters) was just coming in that time, and she knew what was going on so she hugged me and told me that this is how you learn stuff, and that he was a dick anyway. oh man I feel pathetic even writing this again.

but anyhow I had my 6 months of being sad over a summer fling. they say that it's supposed to take you only half the time you were with someone to be over them. but for me it was double that, including the ghosting since I *thought* we were still "together." I'd actually drunkenly call him (I kept his number in my diary, no joke), and he'd neverrrrr pick up. I knew he still had the number, hence his outgoing voicecall stating his first and last name. I'm not sure if I even really got over him. well I knew I was missing him and that he was not right for me. but at this point I know I don't want him as a boyfriend. I miss him, even if it was just a messy friendship.

so in this almost-2 years I haven't talked to him, I had to delete my tinder a couple times because I ran out of matches or would want a fresh start or would try and quit tinder for a bit. of course, just the other day on a new tinder account, he was one of my choices. it took me a bit to digest this. but I swiped right to see if he would too.

it's been about a week, and no notification from him has come up. I like to think he's just a Sagittarius who likes to pretend he doesn't care about people he's been initimate with. but I've seen him vulnerable. I've seen him show me his ex girlfriends. I've heard him tell me he doesn't like reading books with someone else because it reminds him of "a friend" he had to drift apart from. he's told me he once had "a bitchy ex girlfriend" who he might have a guilty conscience for. hell, he might have remembered me as "this girl obsessed with the Strokes who cried over them at my place once and drunkenly danced to them." "this girl with strong-ass opinions, like insiting that reverse racism isn't real, although I just don't wanna admit that she's smart and strong for standing up to me."

I had a dream of him last night. we were together, not officially, but it felt MORE together than my time with him. we'd hang out with each other AROUND my family. we cuddled on some beach chairs in front of them. well he was actually young Keanu Reeves at first and then just transformed to him, you know how dreams are. but, even though I wasn't clear about this, I think he had some similarities to young Keanu with his occasional quietness. anwyays we cuddled at the movies at a family outing too. it just really nice.

I tried to tell myself that I just miss getting physical affection in general. but I guess I also miss being his friend. he was someone I had good conversations with even though I know now he was a fake-intellectual. he appreciated me even though it wasn't for a long time. I remember crying after the next guy I hooked up with because the sex wasn't as real as it was with Tom. to this day, I still miss "Tom" even though he was a jerk. I know I would never ever actually be his girlfriend or his wife. but he was memorable.

so remembering him, I don't hold resentment over first dates who realise they don't feel a spark with me after all. remembering him, I realise these first dates didn't give me the same spark as he did anyway, although I could also say that he made me have high standards out of protection of myself. I guess I've just learned so much from him, and miss the feeling I'd get from him even though it got me hurt in the end.

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