#speaking of which i should probably go read it

[ckret2]

Chapter 53 of human Bill Cipher not properly appreciating the fact that Mabel is his only friend on Earth:

Mabel has read a book about Bill's home dimension and is prepared to interrogate him all about where he comes from.

Bill is willing to do anything to avoid being interrogated.

(Featuring SEVEN illustrations, provided by 🌈 MABEL 💖)

####

Flatworld, from what Mabel had read, was probably literally the worst place to ever exist. 

The book was a hundred pages of an old-fashioned formal-sounding super boring guy rambling on about the most egregiously evil society Mabel had ever had the horror of reading about.

Society consisted of a bunch of geometric shapes—which in concept sounded half nerdy and half adorable—but they'd made a brutally oppressive government organized by quantity of sides, with infinite-sided circles at the top and three-sided triangles at the bottom, and one-sided lines—women—oppressed into near silence. Career options, educational opportunities, who you could love, were all determined by your sides. Irregular shapes—quadrilaterals that weren't squares, triangles that weren't equilateral, anyone with a side too long or too short—were presumed from birth to be criminally insane. Each generation had sons with one more side than their father—and they had to, because having higher-ranked sons was the only way families could climb out of poverty. When babies were born with too few or irregular sides, poor families abandoned them—or worse—and rich families put them through oft-fatal bone-snapping surgeries to regularize or increase their sides. Knowledge of the third dimension was considered heretical, and anybody claiming it was real was locked in an insane asylum.

There was a lot of mathy stuff in the book about a square meeting a magical sphere and going on educational adventures to the higher and lower dimensions; but most of it passed by her in a blur. When she'd finished reading last night, Mabel had lay in bed for an hour, staring at the ceiling, trying not to think about dead baby shapes and fighting the urge to wake Bill up just so she could hug him; until she'd finally drifted off and woken up in her own bed.

At least, thank goodness, the bit about banning colors so lower shapes couldn't contour themselves to look like higher shapes was false. But she was sure that at least part of the story was true. And it had happened to somebody she knew. It was a lot to process.

So she processed it the way she usually did the stories that weighed on her: by creating a self-insert and pulling out her art supplies.

####

"You're drawing fan art of Flatworld?" Bill asked warily.

"I wouldn't call it fan art. I'd say it's more of a... thoughtful artistic critique. I don't think I'm a 'fan' of the second dimension," Mabel said. "No offense."

"Sure."

Mabel had designed a shapesona of herself: a pink heart with a rainbow-colored outline, a big sparkly eye, and skinny black stick limbs like Bill's. If, as Bill had said, colors weren't illegal, she didn't see any reason she couldn't be rainbow. The heart shape was maybe unconventional, but Bill hadn't said she couldn't be a heart yet, so she was sticking with it for now.

She'd honestly expected Bill to come over and interrogate her about her creation long before now. Usually, when she was doing art and he was unoccupied, he was hovering right by her, examining her work and dropping hints—some more subtle than others—that she should draw him next. But she hadn't immediately noticed when he'd silently drifted into the room, and she wasn't sure how long he'd been there before speaking up. He was still leaning on the wall, arms crossed, watching askance from halfway across the living room as Mabel worked with her crayons, as if she were playing with a chemistry set and he was trying to figure out if she was building a bomb.

"Is Flatworld really about your world?" Mabel asked. "Did you tell Edward Bishop Bishop all that stuff? With the circles and all the laws about shapes and stuff?"

Bill mulled over the question, staring into space. Mabel had never seen his face look so inexpressive before—at least, not since his first night as a captive, after he'd gotten all the screaming out and had looked too exhausted to feel. "We talked," he conceded. "I'm surprised you got your hands on it. I suppose Stanford brought it up."

Something in the back of her mind pricked up defensively—what was that supposed to mean, he was surprised she got her hands on it?—but she pushed it back down. "Yeah, he told me and Dipper about it when you guys got home yesterday," Mabel said. "But you brought it up to me first!"

"No I didn't. When?"

"A few weeks ago? You mentioned Edward Bishop Bishop."

"I don't remember that," Bill muttered. "I probably didn't think you'd make sense of it."

"Hey!"

"You didn't make sense of it! Ford had to tell you about it."

"Yeah, but—mean!" She shoved aside her drawing and started on another one, grumbling, "I could've made sense of it if I'd looked it up."

What was up with Bill today? He wasn't usually this much of a jerk. To her. Lately. Plus, she thought they'd really had a moment yesterday! But Bill had had a rough couple days. Maybe he was just tired and cranky. 

A wiser person might just leave well enough alone. But a wiser person wasn't exploding in their brain with curiosity about just how bad Bill's life had really been. There was something itching at the back of her head, had been itching since she'd woken up—something about Bill, something important, she was sure of it—but she couldn't quite put together what it was. She just needed to talk to Bill long enough to figure it out.

"So..." She glanced up from filling in a shape yellow, "were lines really executed if they didn't make noises all the time so everyone always knew where they were and they couldn't sneak up and stab anyone?"

Bill scoffed, rolling his eyes, as if the very idea was stupid. "It wasn't that extreme. Making a peace cry is like a human saying 'coming through' when they're trying to squeeze past somebody. Lines are just taught to do it in public because it's easier not to see a line, that's all."

"If they didn't, were they executed...?"

"No. They were just rude."

That was a relief. Mabel had been worried for her fellow ladies. She was plenty noisy, but she didn't think she could remember to make constant sound any time she was around other people. She turned back to coloring her newest drawing, but watched Bill out of the corner of her eye. "Is it true that rich people killed almost all of their babies by giving them surgery to break their sides?"

The corner of Bill's mouth curled in a sneer. "Do I look like a pediatric surgeon?"

"Um." Not a welcome question. She tried to backtrack to something softer. "So, in the second dimension, the outside of your body is just your outline and your guts are everything inside the outline, right?"

He gave her a wary look. "Yeah."

"So your bow tie is basically in your stomach."

Bill sucked in a deep breath; but quickly caved in to the need to be the most correct person in the room. "More like around my esophagus, but. Sure."

"So, where did you wear it when you were back in the second dimension? Was it on your side? Did you have to wear two so people could see them from both sides—"

"I didn't need a bow tie then."

Mabel stared at him. "What do you mean, you didn't 'need' it? What do you need it for now?"

Bill ignored the question. "You know, I didn't think Flatworld was an interesting enough book to deserve this much attention! Especially not from you. You like fun stories." It felt oddly like he was criticizing her for having read it.

"Well—yeah, but it's about your home! That makes it fun!"

Bill raised his brows.

"Right? Doesn't it?"

"Kid." Bill laughed condescendingly. "Don't give me that. You read an entire book. In the summer. About math. With a downer ending where the narrator goes insane and gets locked up. That's some people's idea of a fun time, but I know it's not yours."

Maybe "fun" was the wrong word—but it was still important. She was glad she'd read it. She'd cared about it. She'd cared enough to know Bill was describing it wrong. "That's not what happened. The square got locked up because he kept telling everybody the third dimension's real."

"Like I said! He went insane!"

"But he's not insane. Everyone says he is, but he's right about the third dimension! It's everyone else who's stupid!"

"So what," Bill said. "The things he knows mean he'll never be able to see the world the way other shapes do, and no matter what he does he'll never be happy with his home. If that's not insanity, what is?"

Last year, she'd heard Bill agree when Gideon called him insane. She'd always wondered. "Is that why you're insane?"

Bill shot Mabel a furious look. That was the wrong thing to say. "Shooting Star—"

(Oh no, she thought, he's using my full name.)

"—what's with the third degree." Bill crossed the room to lean on the other side of the table. He gave her the guarded glare of a guilty suspect facing down a cop in an interrogation room—and trying to figure out whether he could kill the cop before he was stopped. "What do you think you're trying to dig up?"

"I'm not trying to 'dig up' anything," Mabel said. "I just want to learn more about you!"

"Oh yeah, I'm sure you do! Who doesn't wanna know all about me! And right after I trusted you yesterday! Do you think you're the first person to start digging into my history? 'Hey, does anyone know what made Bill Cipher so crazy'?" Bill laughed bitterly. " You're not even the first Pines to try it. Not even the second."

"That's not what I'm trying to do!" said Mabel, right before it dawned on her that that was exactly what she was trying to do.

"Right. I'm sure whatever you learn will make a nice two-page spread in Journal 5. Another secret you and Fordsy can add to your Mysteries, huh? Think he'll draw the dead babies?"

She thought back to Portland—to asking Ford what had made Bill so awful. I think if anyone’s ever had a chance of finding out what made him like he is, it might be you. Mabel shook her head. No. She didn't want to be that. "I'm not Grunkle Ford's spy, I'm your friend. I just—I just want to understand you—"

"Yeah, and the 'friends' who understand you are the most dangerous kind." Bill laughed harshly. "Your uncle and brother couldn't figure me out! And Sixer's been trying for years! So what makes you think YOU can?"

He was calling her stupid. He'd been calling her stupid all day. That was why he was so surprised she'd read the book.

"You—shut up!" She wadded up her latest drawing and flung it in Bill's face. (He snatched out of midair.) "All I did was read a book I thought was important to you, you jerk! I thought you'd like that!"

She hadn't meant for that waver to enter her voice. But she was exhausted from too little sleep and worrying about dead baby shapes and worrying about Bill's fear of death and worrying about what Ford had said about not giving Bill a second chance, and now Bill was being a jerk, and maybe he was just exhausted and upset too, but he was treating her like she was stupid—and there was that pathetic little waver.

But it made Bill pause in his onslaught; for a moment, he averted his gaze. Still, he said, "Maybe if you'd thought to ask—"

"You were asleep! I was being nice! And letting you sleep! In my bed!"

"But—"

"Just go away!" She pointed at the doorway.

Bill's face hardened again. "Fine!" He flung his hands in the air and stomped from the room. "Who wants to hang out with you when you're in such a bad mood, anyway."

Mabel glared at her stupid drawings so she didn't have to watch Bill's stupid back as he left.

Why had she bothered?

When Bill was out of sight, she dropped back onto her chair, pulled her sweater over her face, crossed her arms on the table, and buried her head in them.

####

Bill didn't think to smooth out the paper Mabel had flung at him until he was out of the room.

On one side she'd drawn Bill—properly triangular—with an expression that he thought was supposed to be fear and on the other side several angry-looking shapes, pentagons and hexagons, colored gray and black, being led by a pale figure shaped like a human skull and wielding a scythe; and between them, a bright pink heart, standing in front of Bill protectively, hands on its "hips," glaring down the would-be assailants.

The corners of Bill's mouth sagged down.

####

The bell rang and the shapes began filing out of class, muttering to each other about how they thought they'd done on the test. As the triangle cheerfully left the room, the teacher caught him by the arm again to pull him over. "Just a minute," she said. "I want a word with you."

Oh, he bet she did. Breezily, he said, "Sure thing! What is it?"

"Who was the first triangular president?"

"Wh— Th—" He spluttered indignantly. "There's been like—seven of them."

"Nine. And I'm only asking about the first one."

"How should I know!"

"You knew an hour ago."

He sputtered again. "That was— That was a multiple choice test! And it was an hour closer to when I'd studied! And I can focus better in the classroom! You can't expect me to remember anything in the hallway. You're using intimidation tactics. How could anyone focus under these conditions—"

"I don't know what you're doing," the teacher said, "or how you're doing it. Maybe I never will. But..." She sighed, and the anger seemed to leak out of her, and that only made him more nervous. "But whatever you're doing—you won't be able to do it forever. What will you do when you're out in the real world and you didn't learn anything in school?"

Her pity was worse than being hated had been. At least when he was hated, he knew she only looked down on him because she had something against him. What did he do with pity? With concerned warnings about the "real world"? He'd never heard anybody use the phrase "the real world" as anything but a threat. He hoped he was never out in the real world.

"Who cares! I'll never need any of this!" He should have shut up there. He didn't: "You're just jealous that me and my family make a million times more lying to everyone than you'll ever get trying to teach them the truth!"

His teacher gasped in shock; but before she could say anything, he was halfway down the hall with no intention of slowing down.

The next day, he stayed home, and his mom visited the principal. The day after that, he had a new teacher.

####

He was stupid. He knew that. He didn't know when he'd gotten stupid—if it was because he'd started touring so much and missing classes, or if he'd always been dumb and just didn't notice it before he registered just how often he was using his all-seeing eye to pick up answers that other kids couldn't see. It had crept up on him. But there it was. He was stupid, and he was too stupid to figure out what to do about it.

There was a big difference between being able to see everything, and actually knowing anything. And he might be all-seeing, but an idiot like him would never be all-knowing.

####

A trillion years later, he still didn't remember the name of the first triangular president. And look how far he'd gotten without it.

Lunch was toast and peanut butter. The toaster was the only source of heat he could use without having to ask his captors for access; and peanut butter and bread were the most nutritious foods he could reach without asking his captors to open a cabinet or fridge. He was sick of toast and peanut butter.

He wasn't about to ask Mabel to help him get lunch.

Well. He'd succeeded. He'd known just the right thing to say to get Mabel to lay off and drop the topic. Did he feel accomplished?

He stared out the window as he ate—there were hazy gray clouds on the horizon, beyond the trees, slowly inching closer—and he tried not to look at the picture Mabel had flung at him.

####

Mabel felt dumb about being upset that Bill thought she was dumb.

Because of course he did. Sure, he liked her art and he liked dance music and games without rules; sure, he was a willing student when it came to stuff like making friendship bracelets or artistically mixing sprinkles; sure, he was a weirdo fun guy; but he was also a Smarty McSmartypants, just like Dipper or Ford. And Mabel was the Girl Dipper who brought home C's. And even a weirdo fun Smarty wouldn't want to hang out for long with someone who couldn't keep up with nerd talk. He probably just... put up with her for as long as he could stand pretending he took her seriously, but he'd finally lost his patience...

And shown his true, jerky colors again.

Maybe Ford and Dipper were right about him; maybe he couldn't really change.

Except... there was something he'd said. And right after I trusted you yesterday. When he'd cried in front of her. When he'd told her about his fear of death.

He was being a jerk because he thought she'd betrayed him. But by reading a book?! Why couldn't he ever just explain himself? Did he think whatever was bothering him was obvious, and she was stupid for not figuring it out?

Something she almost but didn't quite remember thudded like a drum inside her brain. Dum-dum-dum. Dum-dum-dome.

From the entryway, Bill called, "Hey, star girl. I—"

He stopped in the doorway. Mabel had taped 28 pieces of paper together, drawn on a door knob, written "DOOR" at the top, and taped it across the doorway into the living room. Irritably, Bill said, "It doesn't work like that. This is obviously paper."

"Bill," Mabel grumbled. "Go away."

"No. I'm gonna say something to you."

He didn't phrase that like he was giving her a choice in the matter; but all the same, she said, "I don't wanna hear it."

"You know that horror story about a bride with a velvet ribbon tied around her neck, and her head falls off and rolls down the stairs when her husband unties it?"

She did. She and Dipper had read a book of scary stories to each other on Halloween a few years ago while waiting for it to be late enough to go trick-or-treating. In spite of herself, he'd piqued her curiosity. She reluctantly turned to look at him. "Yeah? So?"

Bill was leaning in the doorway, head tilted against the doorframe so he could see Mabel around the paper door curtain. "That's why I wear a bow tie."

Mabel blinked. "Wait—if you didn't, your head would fall off? What part of you is your head? How did it come off? Were you decapitated? Did you get decapitated for knowing about the third dimension—?"

"It doesn't keep my head on; it keeps my skin on."

Mabel's nose wrinkled. "Gross! How?"

"Remember how you said my outline is my skin and all my organs are inside the outline," Bill said. "That didn't change when we left the second dimension! We had to get exoskeletons on our top and bottom sides so solids like you can't stick you fingers in our guts. My bow tie keeps it tied in place."

"Whoa." So that was why they hadn't seen Bill's organs before. "Do you ever take it off?"

"Mostly when I'm eating!" He knocked on the doorframe. "So can I come in now?"

Of course. He'd been using information to buy his way back into her good graces. (No—that was what somebody who didn't think Bill deserved a second chance would think. He was making up for earlier by answering one of her questions about him.)

She took a deep breath, turned to face Bill, and said, "You didn't talk to me like a friend earlier."

"I—" Bill grimaced, looked at the ceiling for help, and conceded, "I mean—It's how I talk to my friends, but all right, I know you're not used to that—"

"Nobody should be used to that!" Mabel said. "What would Love Bunny say?"

"Wh—?! I— Th— You—" His voice cracked as it jumped higher, "What do I care what a cartoon rabbit thinks about—"

"What. Would. She. Say."

Bill's face screwed up in agony. He crossed his arms. "Ugh."

"Biiill?"

Eyes squeezed shut, Bill said, "She'd say my breath smells like I've been eating mean beans."

"Aaand?"

"I'm not going to say it. I won't say it."

"And you need to eat your nice rice!"

Bill let out a long, slow sigh.

"Say it!"

"This is my penance," Bill muttered toward his feet. "This is my penance. This is fair." He took a breath. "And... I need to eat my nice rice."

Mabel nodded. He'd confessed his sins.

"I think we're out of nice rice," Bill said, "but I've had the peanut butter of kindness and the toast of remorse. Good enough?"

She considered it. "Yeah. You can come in."

Bill batted aside the paper door curtain and ducked into the room. 

He sat across the table from Mabel and set down the paper she'd chucked at him amongst her others. Mabel glanced at the drawing, embarrassed of it now; but Bill didn't say anything about it.

He just propped his cheek against his hand and started looking over her other art.

Mabel sat there with her hands under her legs, watching his spotlight eyes rove over the table, feeling like she was waiting for a teacher to grade a poster she'd made for class. He saw a stop sign red octagon in sunglasses that was labeled "Bill's parole officer" and snorted. She wasn't sure if it was an amused snort or a derogatory snort. His gaze stopped on her attempt to figure out how Flatworlder anatomy worked, and didn't move farther. She'd probably gotten everything wrong, hadn't she?

She couldn't stand waiting for him to pass judgment on her art. "You think they look dumb, don't you."

Bill took a moment to reply. He didn't look up from her drawings. "I don't think you're dumb, Shooting Star."

"You think I'm dumber than Dipper and Grunkle Ford."

Bill winced. "I don't." At her dubious look, Bill amended, "Only Stanford! And that barely counts, all humans are dumber than Stanford. It doesn't mean I think you're dumb-dumb"

"Could've fooled me," Mabel muttered.

"You bet! I'm good at fooling people. All I have to do is say things I don't mean that make people feel the way I want." His voice was flat and matter-of-fact. "I wanted you to feel like the conversation wasn't worth it. That's all."

She stared at him. "By letting me know you think I'm stupid?!" She chucked a crayon at his face. "You could have just told me you didn't want to talk about Flatworld!" Her voice was getting that stupid waver again. "If I'd known, I would have dropped it! I didn't want to upset you!"

"I wasn't upset, it's just a stupid thing to complain about! It's just a dumb book! It'd—it'd take a real loser to be bothered by talking about a dumb book! I'm not..." He sighed harshly. "I know you weren't trying to get on my nerves, kid. It'd mess up your sticker chart." (Mabel hadn't even realized he knew about her sticker chart.) Almost inaudibly, he added, "M'sorry."

She'd never heard him apologize before.

She let out a slow breath. "Biiill. I don't think you're a loser."

He muttered something she couldn't make out as he flipped his hood on and pulled it down over his burning face. "Forget it. Move on. It's in the past!"

"If you're so embarrassed—"

"Not embarrassed!"

She chucked another crayon at his chest. "Then why are you telling me this now?"

Bill shut his eyes; took a deep breath; and, with a look of solemn dignity, and no small amount of pain, he said, "Because. Teddy Tender says. Our friends can't help us feel better if we don't tell them why we feel bad." He almost, almost managed to say it without sounding sarcastic.

Mabel burst out laughing. Bill pulled his hood lower.

Bill didn't even like Teddy Tender—he thought he was the stick in the mud of the Color Critters—and he certainly wasn't actually trying to follow Teddy's friendship lessons. He was just... saying something he didn't mean to make Mabel feel the way he wanted. And he wanted her to feel better.

No matter what anyone else said, he could change. And he was changing.

"Apology accepted," Mabel said. "Gold star!" She peeled one off a nearby sticker sheet and held it out.

Bill eyed it, like a man so hungry he was too nauseous to eat eyeing a pizza; and then snatched it from her and stuck it in the middle of his hoodie.

Mabel said, "And... I guess I'm sorry for getting all diggy about your home world." Even if she hadn't known it was bothering him, she probably should've guessed, shouldn't she? With how crabby he'd gotten. "I just got all excited and curious and... kinda worried about you after reading that book?" She sighed. "I understand if you don't wanna talk about it. You probably hated your dimension."

"What? He lurched forward with the vehemence of his denial—"Of course I don't hate my dimension!" Mabel leaned away at the sudden rage that had flared up in his eyes; but it died just as quickly and Bill immediately reeled himself back in, sitting back, crossing his arms: "I mean, come on, kid, use your head: you read a book about a culture. We're talking about an entire dimension. Would you hold a grudge against Jupiter if an ant bit you on Earth?"

Even as casually as he played it off, Mabel was sure he hadn't meant anything as calm and measured as claiming it was technically irrational to hate an entire dimension. He meant—emphatically, with his whole heart behind it—that he didn't hate his home dimension, at all.

Then why didn't he want to talk about it? (Then why had he destroyed it? Or was not hating it just another fiction he'd made up because he'd prefer that reality? Or was the destruction itself a lie? He hadn't mentioned it once since they'd started talking about Flatworld. Or did he think she didn't know about that and didn't want her to know? Or...)

Something had been churning in her subconscious since she woke up, and now—watching Bill ball up around himself as he squirmed around the things he didn't want to say—it finally dawned on her. Two words. Another piece of the Axolotl's poem. She tried to hold the words in her head until she could write them down, repeating them over and over—Misses home. Misses home.

Quietly, she asked, "Then... don't you want to remember it?"

His face spasmed, like it was nearly cracking in two—and then smoothed out. His face was blank. He didn't answer for a moment. "The last time I told a human more than two sentences about where I'm from... he gave me the universe's most depressing geometry textbook."

Oh. Maybe Bill was following Teddy Tender's friendship advice. "That's because you were talking to a boring old-timey math teacher, duh."

He laughed wryly. "You may have a point!"

If Bill assumed anybody prying into his history was either looking for the reason something was wrong with him, or publishing a whole book about the super bad parts... No wonder he hadn't wanted to talk to her. "So you didn't dislike Flatworld? You just dislike the book?"

Bill grimaced. "Did you read Eddie's biography?"

"No?"

####

As soon as he'd buckled himself into his seat for the drive to Northwest Manor, Dipper read the summary on the back cover of Flatworld, and then the paragraph-long author biography underneath it:

Edward B. Bishop, born in 1838 in England, was an accomplished mathematician, writer, theologian, and closet occultist, as well as a professor at the esteemed University of Fancyton. He published twelve books, the last of which was Flatworld in 1884. After sentencing his square protagonist to a two-dimensional asylum for preaching of the existence of the third dimension, he himself succumbed to an ironically similar fate: three months after publication, he was committed to an asylum for insisting that two-dimensional alien invaders intended to conquer the Earth and were persecuting him for revealing their existence, a delusion he maintained until his death from sleep deprivation in 1886. His most enduring legacy is inventing the margarita glass, which he claimed came to him in a dream. 

Dipper hissed between his teeth. "Ouch."

####

"Never mind, don't worry about it," Bill said. "But no. I didn't like the book."

"You poor thing! All this time you've been homesick for the second dimension, but the only things humans talk about is the bad stuff!"

"Don't call me that."

"Do you want to talk about the non-depressy stuff instead? Like..." Mabel wracked her brain for something nice she'd read in the book. She winced. "Uh... I'm sure there's something. You could choose the topic?"

Bill didn't look directly at her. He just looked over all her drawings again. "Tell me why you want to know so badly."

It was basically the same question he'd asked earlier—what's with the third degree—but his tone was different. Mabel swallowed hard and repeated, "Because... I'm your friend. It's crazy that we've been friends for like a month and I barely know a-ny-thing about who you are or how you grew up! By now, I'd usually know about a friend's family, favorite subject, favorite animal, opinion on glitter, and biggest life dream! Plus all the stuff humans have in common—like, 'do you breathe?'"

This time, Bill didn't argue with her answer. (He could have called her a liar. A month ago, she had just been trying to find out what was wrong with him. But this version of the truth she'd made up was better.) "You already know I'm pro-glitter in all contexts and my life's work is to throw an eternal party. What else really matters?"

"Those are the two most important questions," Mabel said seriously. Tentatively, she asked, "Did you have glitter in the second dimension?" He'd already reassured her that they'd had color, but it was hard to imagine glitter in such a bleak world.

"Sure."

Mabel heaved a sigh of relief. "Oh, thank goodness."

She looked around at the morning's art production, pulled over the first drawing she'd done of her shapesona, and grabbed a bottle of glue to draw a thin line around the heart.

Bill watched as Mabel carefully sprinkled several separate colors of glitter on the line of glue, like a master chef adding a precise amount of spice to a gourmet recipe, to create a glitter rainbow gradient; and then he slowly sat up and leaned toward the table again. "So, who's this freak?"

Mabel gave him an exasperated look. She decided he'd meant "freak" neutrally; but she'd clearly labeled the heart "ME IN FLATWORLD," she thought it was pretty obvious who this freak was.

But Bill cheerfully went on, "He's the most hideously disfigured shape I've ever seen."

"Hey!"

"I'm not joking, it hurts to look at this guy. At least he's symmetrical, but woof."

"She's not a guy! She's supposed to be me in Flatworld," Mabel insisted. "She's a powerful lady and I think she's beautiful." She paused. "Can a heart be a girl?" Lines looked boring, but Flatworld said that girls were all lines and all other shapes were boys. (Or were they? When they'd talked at the mall, Bill had been very clear that he considered himself a triangle instead of male or female, which scuttled the "all polygons are male" concept. Maybe Edward Bishop Bishop had made that part up?)

"She can be anything she wants," Bill said firmly. "I don't see any gender cops around here, do you?"

Good point. "And when there's no cops around, anything's legal."

Bill laughed. "Hey, I like that."

"Grunkle Stan says it!"

"Wise man." Bill leaned forward further across the table and tapped a finger on the deep cleft at the top of the heart. "Personally, I'm more worried about that agonizing-looking birth defect. I'm surprised she survived past infancy!"

Mabel glared at him, but she supposed she couldn't argue. A heart was a pretty irregular shape. And according to Flatworld, almost all irregular shapes were executed in childhood or else imprisoned in adulthood, since they thought irregular shapes would grow up to be depraved, imbecilic criminals—

"Wait," Mabel said. "Wait. Last year, when I called you an isosceles freak—"

Bill cut in, "It was 'monster,' but go on!"

"Was that, like..." Mabel's voice dropped to a whisper, "a slur on Flatworld?"

Bill fought to keep his face straight as he decided how to respond. He went for the funniest answer. "Yes."

Mabel clapped her hands over her mouth and squeaked, "Nooo!"

"It's actually pretty impressive a human managed to come up with it!"

"I'M SORRYYY, augh I didn't know!"

Over her anguished whines, Bill went on, "It's just a good thing you didn't say 'scalene'! I would've had to wash your mouth out with drain cleaner!"

Mabel had pulled the collar of her sweater over her face. From within Sweater Town, she asked, "Was that the first thing I ever said to you?"

Bill choked back a laugh. "Yeah, it was."

She squealed in embarrassment and slid under the table.

"Heck of a first impression, star girl!"

"i'm sorryyy."

Bill reached under the table to pat the top of her head. "Ahhh, it was funny. Get up here." 

As she climbed back into her seat, Bill added, "I'm getting back at you now, I'm not done making fun of your medical miracle yet. You know what she'd look like as a human? A headless, neckless body with an eyeball shoved six inches down her esophagus." He paused thoughtfully. "Actually... that sounds kinda cute."

"Eww, Bill."

"It is, it's cute. Like a clumsy puppy with a neurological disorder! I guess that's how the hideous Miss Heart here must look to humans!"

Mabel looked over her art again, wondering if she should change her shapesona, considering Bill's reaction to it. 

So, maybe she was creating a freak. She didn't see any shape cops around here. She kept drawing. "I'd be fine," she said. "You like weird freaks! You'd keep me safe."

A stricken look crossed his face. He was momentarily silent as he watched Mabel start another picture. And then, as though he were only considering it for the first time, he said, "Yeah. I guess I would."

His gaze drifted to the wrinkled picture of Mabel's shapesona standing protectively in front of Bill. "Freaks can't afford to tear each other down."

####

(THIS is the chapter that's been giving me hell the last few weeks. Months. Last few months. I'm so glad to finally have it out, and I hope y'all enjoyed!! This chapter probably brings up a lot more questions than it actually answers—and completely different questions based on whether or not you've read Flatland lol—so I can't wait to hear what y'all think.)

#bill cipher #human bill cipher #mabel pines #gravity falls #gravity falls fic #gravity falls fanart #fanart #my art #my writing #bill goldilocks cipher

[dyssonant-skyline]

Full Moon Spoilers: The Final Scene

I have some thoughts.

Okay let me start with saying, the Stolas & Blitzo conversation should not have been relegated to the last 5 minutes of the episode. I think the rushed nature of the conversation doomed any chance of it being a satisfying exchange between these two characters that covers the full reality of their situation. I’m listing this up front because a lot of my grievances could have been resolved with more time, which the team spent on 15 minutes of lead up that I believe were ultimately unnecessary to the show's central plot and actively hinder the direction the showrunners want the story to go in.

During the episode he acknowledges that Blitzo is in a horrible situation. He states that the deal was wrong, implicitly acknowledging guilt for thrusting it unto Blitz and trying to resolve that by giving him the Azmodean crystal. He has decided to end things, and goes through with it even though he displays clear interest in Blitzo’s advances.

Then what does he do when Blitzo assumes that Stolas hasn’t changed? When Blitzo believes that Stolas, the person who he has only had transactional relations with, is setting up a new kind of transaction? 

Instead of further ensuring Blitzo and trying to clear the air. He throws a tantrum. When things didn’t immediately resolve in his favor. Then he immediately goes into blaming Blitzo for only thinking about sex in their, again, transactional relationship. This gets worse because Stolas doesn’t wait to establish a healthy non romantic/sexual relationship before insinuating that he is still interested in Blitzo sexually, opening Blitzo up to misunderstanding his intent… then not being willing to clarify his intent.

“I have wanted you for so long, the fact that you couldn’t believe that I might have these feelings about you, that your first instinct is that it’s always about sex… that’s enough to know what this is.”

My brother in christ, you confront him about this during the sex deal night and don’t expect him to expect sex? You give him ~10 seconds to react to this information before deciding you don’t want to deal with his emotions anymore because they aren’t what you wanted?

The monologue that Blitzo had after that was completely justified and extremely gratifying to hear.

“Fuck you Stolas! You spring this feelings bullshit on me, are you fucking kidding?” - “Can I get a fucking minute to think after everything you put me through?” - “You can’t just dismiss me like that.”

After that sincere outburst, instead of Stolas recognizing what Blitzo is saying and taking some accountability or apologizing… he reacts with

“I didn’t realize you think so low of me.”

HUH? What happened to the transactional deal not being right? Surely if he knows he isn’t right, he knows that Blitzo would probably have a pretty low opinion of him? Breaking the deal doesn’t make his victim required to forgive him, especially not within 5 minutes.

Sidenote but: Stolas’s desire for immediate reconciliation is compounded by the fact that Stolas buries the lead at the beginning of their conversation. He keeps things vague with statements like “I need [the grimoire] back permanently” and “I’ve made up my mind” that lead Blitzo to believe he is being fired. I don’t really believe that the way that Stolas talks here speaks to his character, it reads more like bad writing in favor of a misunderstanding to get Blitzo worked up. It doesn’t seem in character to dwell like this, you could argue it is nerves but I’d argue there is no positive reaction to those first few sentences and Stolas isn’t socially inept enough to fail to realize that.

Honestly, if they were gearing up to have Stolas as a villain still and if Blitzo hadn’t had an apology cut off, I would have loved this exchange as it characterizes Stolas as a villain very well. It shows that Stolas still doesn’t care about Blitzo, just the version of Blitzo he has built in his head in excruciating detail. It shows that despite Stolas trying to make amends through words and actions, he still can not face the hurt that he has caused his victim and will run away when confronted with them. Unfortunately I’m pretty sure the writers are just going to make Blitzo into the one that Stolas hoped would fall into his arms immediately. So whatever.

#full moon episode spoilers #helluva boss spoilers #helluva boss critique #helluva boss critical #vivziepop critical #dys rants

[shuenkio]

Break 💔 up ? | OT7

Paring: Enha x male!reader

Genre: soft angst, fluff, crack, obsessed

Cw: nothing or?

Summary: You want to break up with them but-

Non proof read ×

Crd to all pics&dividers

Lack of perfect words.

Lhs: The moment you said, you wanted to break up with him, he went silent. Instead of speaking, he closes the distance between you into a small gap, eye piercing sharply at you before pinning you against the wall.

"You can't break up with me without any reason mn, now tell me is there something behind it?" His gaze went dark, as he looked at you like you were just committing a crime.

"I— I can't handle you anymore you're just too possessive I wanna take a break," you said, with sweat soaking your forehead and dripping down to your cheeks. You should be brave to make this decision for your good but why did you suddenly feel so numb like this?

"Sit on my lap, it's not my fault you're drop-dead gorgeous, not only you feel better but also pleasure" He smirked, cupping both of your cheeks, pressed his lip against you let the tension take a turn.

"Try to leave me again, I'll make sure you won't find anyone who could make you feel like I do!"

Pjs: The man would be speechless on the spot after you said you wanted to break up with him. What's not good enough about him? He's overthinking if he doing something wrong, something is not right for you but as he dips down into his mind, he can't seem to find any clue what's wrong with himself. Having no answer, He uttered with his shaky voice, asked you why.

"I fall out of love I don't feel the same way as before Jay, I don't know what to do besides this decision" Your tears begin to break down, shattered from your eyes as they pour every drop into the floor. Jay saw you break down, his heart broken into pieces as he immediately went to pull you into his tight embrace. Let you pour out all of your sadness in his chest.

"There's always a solution, I know it's not right to force you to be still in our relationship but— please give me a chance I swear I'll make everything even better for us"

Sjy: Not only did tears appear on his face, but he would also drop down to his knee buried his face in his palm after you said it was not a joke. You thought he would just be unable to speak however seeing him being like this, stunned you. You want to comfort him, telling the truth why you want to path away from him. But your mind went blank at the moment, you feel like he's not the only one who's hurting, and seeing him shattered makes you want to swallow all your words back. You lean down slowly to his level and press a gentle kiss on his forehead before wrapping your hand around his.

"I'm sorry I'm sorry" you whisper to his ear. He responds with his hands wrapped over your small waist, snuggling his face on the crooked of your neck.

"Don't leave me!! Please don't I just can't let you go"

Psh: At first, he would give you a silent treatment. He looks down at his feet, holding back his tears, stopping his rushing emotion. He leaves you alone without any words, not even asking why you want to break up with him, not even a simple "why"

You let out a heavy sigh, regret at what you've just done but nothing crosses your mind to stop him from leaving, you feel a part of you think, he deserves someone better than you, who's prettier, more socialized, and talkative than you. You also thought that two introverts in a relationship would be nothing other than Boring.

Late at night after everything had happened, someone came banging at your door very loudly. You went to open up and revealed a friend of Sunghoon holding him, he was wasted at the sight, which make you feel a ping of guilt washing over you.

You take Sunghoon in, still acting as a couple, before saying goodbye and thanks his friends for taking him home. You put him down on the couch gently, take off his shoe and jacket tuck it to the side.

His face is reddened, and tipsy, probably from all the alcohol he's pouring down to his throat because of you. You slowly pressed your hand on his face, carelessly on it softly. Cupping his cheeks your tears break down without you even notice.

Suddenly, he grabbed your wrist pull you down on the couch with him, holding you close to his chest. His hot breath hit your forehead, sending a shiver down your spine with a mix of sadness and nostalgia. His warmness, his hug, and his sweet gesture toward you can't seem to leave your mind. As you regret breaking up with him for your stupid reason this morning.

"Don't speak... We'll never break up and never will, I know what's on your mind mn, you're perfect to me I love you"

Ksn: Your words feel too unreal for him to take. He would question you again and again with his forcing smile, holding onto your hand tight, you then explained why you wanted to break up. He instantly becomes a cry river, he'll cry while smiling like a manic at some point because everything just feels right from the beginning but now you want a break it's like he had been fooled by you.

His face went swollen red from all the crying and sobbing, he didn't want to let you go this easily, after all the memories both you made together. Never, he'll do anything in his power to keep you beside him, which he's turning into his new side that you've never known before.

"Being the sweetest is not enough for you mn? Then you shall see my other side, I promise you'll never leave me again! Hm?" He hums under his breath, with an unexpectedly stern deep voice. As your body goosebumps, gulping down back your saliva unable to make a sound.

"I- I'm sorry I... Don't know anymore"

"I'll take care of it, if you get bored of my playful side, I'll show you my new side, promise to don't break up with me again alright? I'm drowning in you already!"

Yjw: He rarely cries. Even after you said you wanted to break up with him, He eventually left you alone, keeping you hanging without an answer. You try and try to give him a reasonable explanation, but in return he just stares at you emotionless, buying you unnecessary gifts, and gives you free kisses & hugs out of the blue. As a result, you gave up and just accepted your fate, even though your break-up reason is kinda silly.

On one fine day, you decide to play it harder, so maybe he'll open his ear to listen to you, by threatening him that, if he continues to ignore you, you'll leave the place.

"Try another step baby boy! I bet you'd crawl back to me again~"

And—

"I do that on purpose mn so that you won't break up with me, yoi love me, I love yoi, and we're in love why should we break up?"

And he knows all along, you just want to break up with him because he forgot your birthday, and he's ignored you because he knows he's wrong and couldn't apologize probably.

Nsr: He didn't react to your words, everything that you just said was not serious for him. Similar to Jungwon, he's nonchalant. He shrugged it off, just doing his daily routine normally as if his relationship with you was about to tear apart. And that's also one of the reasons you wanted to break up with him, you can't keep up with his attitude and behavior. Someday he's sweet, someday he's dry he's like a robot.

However, you and him still living together, in your shared apartment. One day when he's about to go to work, usually he would press a goodbye kiss on your cheeks before moving forward. Today was different, after he placed a kiss on your cheeks, you wiped it away aggressively, not enjoying his sweet gesture anymore, which made him turn his head toward you slowly, in a way that made you feel something bad was going to happen, nevertheless, his gaze remains the same.

"Did you just wipe my kiss off?"

"So? I said I wanted to break up with you, why are you acting like I just spit nonsense thing?"

"There's no reason for you to leave me, you'll need me anyway I'm doing your work myself"

"I'm so tired of you!! We're breaking up no matter what!"

"Try it, lol you can't even go a day without my presence, now go to sleep if you're tired of me"

🗣️ please mind my English! ><

🗣️Reblog and like is much appreciated ♥

🗣️ I did not realize that I write Sunghoon longer than the other 🫣

#enhypen #enhypen x male reader #enha x you #enhypen scenarios #enha fluff #enha x male reader #enha imagines #kpop x male reader #enha scenarios #enha x reader #enhypen x reader #enhypen imagines #enhypen fic #enha fanfic #lee heeseung #park jongseong #sim jaeyun #park sunghoon #kim sunoo #yang jungwon #nishimura riki #enhypen heeseung #enhypen jay #enhypen jake #enhypen sunghoon #enhypen sunoo #enhypen jungwon #enhypen niki #enhypen crack

[lvcky-g1rl-syndr0me]

⋆୨♡୧⋆l-l-love🤢⋆୨♡୧⋆

as y/n walked to the hype cafe, she immediately spotted riki, a head above the rest. so tall she could point him out in a crowd anywhere. she took a deep breath and took a moment to compose herself before eventually walking over to him. she tapped him on his shoulder as he was facing away from her. "oh! hey!" there it is that smile. to say she loved his smile would be an understatement. she thought it was the prettiest thing she'd ever seen and she nearly felt as if she was going to die at the sight of it. she couldn't help but smile back at him. "hey! how are you?" what he wanted to say was "so much better now that i'm with you", but what came out instead was "good. yeah, i'm good, what about you?" his eyebrow raised, it was single handedly the cutest thing y/n had ever seen. "i'm pretty good. doing a lot of schedules for debut, you know, usual stuff" could she be anymore awkward? clearly yes. first "thanks you too" and now "usual stuff" she felt like she wanted to disappear right then and there, but riki absolutely loved it. this whole time he thought she was so cool and calm, but really she's cute and awkward, which he secretly liked more than if she would have been chill. he finds himself staring at her for a moment before quickly catching himself "oh um- did you want food? I didn't get any cause i wasn't sure if you'd want anything." she smiled at his thoughtfulness and said "no thanks, i'm not super hungry right now. thank you though." he thought back to their conversation yesterday, the whole reason why they're here now. "so, you wanted some tips about mcing?" he asked. "oh! yeah. im kind of nervous, i have no idea what i'm doing and you've ben an mc before, so i was hoping you could give me some advice?" she was hoping this didn't come off as pathetic or anything. i mean, who needs advice on how to talk into a mic? y/n apparently. "well," he starts "for me, i find its best to interact with the fans while waiting for our speaking parts. it calms my nerves before speaking because i'm talking to people that support me. often times it's mostly your own fans watching you in person. that’s at least what sunghoon told me. and if you're worried about messing up lines or something, I'll be there to cover for you, reading from a prompter is hard, so if you mess up its okay. don't worry too much about it." she nodded along to his words, taking mental notes on his advice. "thank you, i really appreciate it. i don't know why im so nervous. its just talking into a mic to a camera." she sighs. "I mean, I understand. it's nerve wracking when it's your first time. I felt like that too when I mc'ed for MAMA one year. it can be scary talking in front of a bunch of people and trying not to mess up. that's why you have a co-host, me! if you do mess up, I can cover you so it doesn't look too much like an accident." her heart fluttered at that. over something so small? she knew it was corny, but she couldn't help it. she felt so strongly for him. she always thought that if she actually talked to him, this whole little crush would go away. but to her surprise, it only got stronger. "you know, since we're going to be working together, we should get each others numbers." her heart stopped, and so did his. hers in shock, and his in fear. what if she said no? what if she thought he was weird? did he really just ask her for her number? there's no way. she froze for a moment, but realized she really should probably respond to him "yeah! yeah of course!" riki was never more relieved in his life. he handed her his phone "here, put your number in." she took it from him and put in her number, texting herself. "there. i can send you a picture for my contact photo later" his heart raced, he had just gotten his crushes number, and she's going to send him a picture of herself later. could his life get any better then this? "okay, sure, yeah, that sounds good" he stammers. is he really flustered right now? oh my god she thought. as the two talked and laughed together, they figured out they're more similar then they thought they were.

the pair quickly growing closer in just mere hours, both feeing significantly strong for each other than when they first said hello earlier. as the time drew later, the two decided to end their night, quickly realizing the ghost town that the hype cafe had become. "oh- well, its late, and my members are blowing up my phone asking where I am" she laughed as she scrolled through the countless messages left by yunjin and hanni. 'yeah, I should probably go too. I told jay I'd help make dinner tonight" he sighed, wishing he didn't promise jay anything and he could hang out with y/n for longer. she laughed lightly "ill let you go then. text me though, okay?" what had come over her? did she really just say that? (y/ns version of flirting was a bit different then others, that being because she didn't know how to flirt) riki nodded and smiled "yeah, I'll text you. see you later!" he waved to her and started to walk away. she waved back and watched him go. she sat back down and sighed once he was out of her sight. she was so fucked. she was completely and utterly melted by him, and they had only just official met yesterday. maybe there was something wrong with her. but frankly, she didn't care. maybe she was being delusional like usual, but she was pretty sure she could see something there with riki.

masterlist | next | previous

luckys note!: guys i’m so good at writing😎😎

© lvcky-g1rl-syndr0me, 2024. do not copy, translate or upload any of my works without my permission.

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#lvcky g1rl syndr0me #midnight fiction #enha fluff #enha x reader #enhypen texts #enhypen crack #enhypen niki #enhypen riki #ni ki #ni ki enhypen #ni ki fluff #ni ki x reader #nishimura riki imagines #riki texts #riki smau #enha riki #riki fluff #riki enhypen #nishimura riki #riki x reader #riki enha #ni ki smau #niki texts #niki enha #niki smau #niki enhypen #niki x reader #enha #enhypen #enhypen smau

[nhasablogg]

Tickle fics

Fandom: Red, White and Royal Blue

Characters: Henry/Alex

Summary: Alex reads a tickle fic about them aloud and Henry is having a totally chill reaction to it.

A/N: Soooo I do admit not a lot of tickling happens in this one (if any?). It's more of those fics with (the concept of) tickling that I love writing. BUT if you're nice maybe I will write you a sequel with the thing Alex mentions toward the end ;) Actually I probably WILL write it either way, although maybe I won't have the fics be connected. I hope you like this regardless!

Words. 1.2k

Alex finds it funny, and Henry likes watching him giggle over the phone, but, respectfully, Henry is about to die if he keeps it up.

Gripping the pillow he’s fighting against covering his face with, he tries to keep his features neutral, the opposite of Alex’s animated movements. He’s all hands and expressions, all laughter and voices. Maybe it’s Henry’s silence over the voice Alex has chosen to adopt each time Henry’s character speaks - too high pitched, not even the right British accent - that finally makes him look up from the phone, eyebrow raised, sentence dying at the tip of his tongue. “You don’t like this story?”

“It’s a great story.”

“But you’re barely reacting.”

“I was simply just enchanted by the descriptions. You know-” He sits up straighter, eyes on the back of Alex’s phone. “My interpretation of the story relies on how you read it to me. What words you choose to emphasize. What tone you adopt.”

“So you’re saying the way I’m reading is boring.”

“Not at all.”

“Hmm. Okay, look.” He shoves the phone in Henry’s face. “Read this.”

All Henry sees is giggle and tickles and it makes him want to scream. “Okay.”

“Read it aloud. I wanna see how you’d read it.” He leans back, grinning at him. “Since apparently I’m not a good narrator.”

“Oh my god, Alex, that’s not what I meant. I simply thought it was an interesting observation which was entirely on topic by the way-”

“You’re trying to get out of this.”

“I am not-”

“So read.”

They’ve done this before. Henry has never cared about the world of fanfiction, which Alex finds interesting since he is a man of letters and stories. Alex, on the other hand, was looking up fanfiction about the two of them the very moment they started sleeping together, sending him links and screenshots with lewd emojis. It was only after they became official that he started reading them aloud to him, sometimes as a joke, sometimes to see what Henry thought of certain, uh, activities. Henry has never called him out on it, mostly because it’s been quite effective.

“Look,” he said earlier that evening, tapping Henry on the arm. “I found a tickle fic of us.”

Henry nearly broke his own neck from how quickly he turned toward him. “S-sorry?”

Alex took his spluttering in the wrong way and nodded eagerly. “I know! Apparently that’s a thing. Listen to this.” He cleared his throat. “This is in the middle of the fic, it doesn’t start like this. Henry managed to call out a panicked, “No!” before Alex had switched spots, fingers curling over the area and making Henry howl with laughter, much different than June’s quiet pleading, but nowhere near Alex’s yelling. I don’t yell by the way. Also it’s a little weird that June’s in here. But oh my god, I need to read you the whole thing, it’s glorious. It’s about me compiling a list about my favorite things about you and putting you being ticklish on there, which I guess is kinda true. The author’s this weirdo called N-”

Henry grips the phone tighter now, scanning the screen. “Where did you stop?”

“About here.” Alex points and Henry tries to breathe.

“‘I should pin you before you fall off,’ he said, and Henry positively whined- I don’t whine.”

Alex waves his hand. “You do. Keep reading.”

“‘You liked that?’ ‘Let go of me, you brute.’”

“It does kinda sound like you, doesn’t it?” Alex has his cheek pressed to Henry’s shoulder, eyes on the phone. He can probably feel the heat radiating off of him and Henry tries to calm down, he really really does. “You’re certainly just as ticklish. Not sure if you like it when I tickle you, though.” He turns to grin at him, all cheeky innocence and Henry deserves a prize for the way he doesn’t look away.

“Right.” The prize should promptly be taken from him due to the way his voice wavers.

Alex sits up, as if he only just now realizes how not chill Henry has been during this entire interaction. “Wait, do you?”

“No.”

“Baby.”

It’s so unfair when Alex baby’s him. “I don’t.”

To Alex’s credit he seems to be trying very hard not to smile now. “You’re blushing.”

“It’s very hot in here.”

“Come to think of it, you’ve been blushing this entire time.”

“I have not.”

“Did you write this fic?”

“What? No!”

“But it’s not far off, is it? You don’t mind when I tickle you.”

Henry finally covers his face with that stupid pillow. “Please god, what did I do to deserve this.”

Alex is laughing as he pulls at the pillowcase. “Come on, don’t hide. It’s cute. I swear I didn’t pick this fic to embarrass you. I hadn’t connected the dots until literally just now.”

“There are no dots.” Henry gives up on the pillow and lets Alex take it. “This fic is simply not good.”

“Oh, come on now.” Alex makes a move as if to touch him and thinks better of it. “You almost never protest when I tickle you. You always seem to be in a better mood afterward. You don’t have to be into it or anything to not mind it.”

Henry whines - stupid N being right - and shuts his eyes. “I- okay, fine, I don’t fully mind it. Not when you do it.”

“Baby, that’s so cute.”

“I will literally murder you.”

“Tell me.” Alex is suddenly closer. Henry can feel his breath at his neck, but he refuses to open his eyes. “Did it do something to you to hear me read that fic?”

“Alex-”

“Did you enjoy it? I certainly like watching you squirm.”

Henry opens his eyes and Alex is right there. “I won’t answer that.” A breath, and, “You already know the answer.”

“Oh, that I do.” A fingertip on Henry’s thigh. Henry imagines it moving further in, touching his most delicate skin. He rarely allows himself to think this - shame and guilt always gripping him - but sometimes, when he’s alone in bed or has Alex sleeping beside him, he imagines what it would be like to fully lose control to teasing fingers.

He’s never thought this fantasy will play out. He doesn’t know how to approach it now.

But Alex is there, so certain with it. So nonjudgmental.

“Tell me,” he says now, finger still but still touching. “What would you want me to do to you, if you could have me do anything? Pin you? Tie you up? Tickle you so gently you nearly scream? Or maybe you’re more into the playfulness of it. Maybe you like it when I’m quick and brief.”

“I don’t know what I like.” It wasn’t a lie.

“Oh. Well.” Alex grins, all teeth and glee. “Maybe one of those fics can help us figure it out. Combined with some experimentation, of course.”

Henry doesn’t know if he should curse N out or thank her. Maybe both.

#tickling #ticklish!henry #firstprince fic #tickle fic #rwrb fic #n writes #tickle fics #lmao idk what else to name it

[m1ckeyb3rry]

i just read your sae fic and it was absolutely amazing, gorgeous, life-changjng! and when i went on to check your masterlist for bllk, i was shocked when you were the one who wrote the nagi x reader x kira fic bc I've been following it for a while and then i immediately tapped the follow button :x but if you can (only when you have the time and energy), can you write rin whose family is a host for exchange student! reader from another country? it could be hs or college, depending on whichever you're comfortable with. thank you <33

── CHERRY TREE

Synopsis: You are one hundred percent convinced that Rin Itoshi hates you — and he does, but not exactly in the way you think.

Event Masterlist

Pairing: Rin x Reader

Chapter Word Count: 6.2k

Content Warnings: cheesy and cliched asf, otoya and KARASU <3 make brief appearances, rin is rude ngl but reader is as well, rin does not know what a “crush” is, he’s probably ooc as well atp i should just include that on all of my works jic

A/N: i can’t believe i started bllk because of a rin edit and yet i’ve never written for him…also i’m glad you liked seabird and peregrine anon!! thank you for following 💖 sorry it took me a min to respond to this

Additional: part of my 500 follower event! see the event description and rules to make a request of your own.

If you didn’t know that your parents would probably put you in an early grave for wasting their money, you would’ve caught the next flight back home from Japan in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, you were far too afraid of their ire, which meant you were stuck in this hostile environment until the end of the semester — assuming, of course, that you managed to survive for so long.

Over the summer, applying to your university’s special first-semester-abroad program had seemed like a good idea. You were already going to be traveling far from home to stay on campus regardless, so your reasoning was that you might as well experience a different culture while you were at it. Besides, the program claimed to pair participants with a host family that would be good fits for their personalities and needs — based on a survey, which in hindsight you really should’ve lied on — so you would be living in relative comfort, at least compared to the ancient dorms on the main campus that probably had thirty different species of mold growing on their walls.

Or, well, that had been the plan. Maybe it was even a reality for the rest of the people in the program, who had no doubt been placed in normal homes, with normal people, who had normal children and normal lives. For you, though, it could not be further from the truth — because you had had the great misfortune of being chosen to live in the same house as Rin Itoshi for the duration of your stay in Japan.

To put it simply, he hated you. He had started hating you from the moment you stepped foot into his house and put your things in his brother’s old room, and he had not stopped since. If you happened to cross paths with him, he’d scoff at you, and considering the fact that the two of you lived in the same house, this was a frequent occurrence. Whenever you tried speaking to him in Japanese, he’d wrinkle his nose and respond in English, telling you that you were so terrible at the language, you might as well give up now and move back to your country early. Once, his mother had suggested he take you to hang out with his friends, as you were all roughly the same age, and he had rolled his eyes so hard that it was a surprise they didn’t get stuck in the back of his head.

There was no doubt about it: your mere existence was a burden to Rin. You couldn’t explain it in any other way; after all, how could he have decided he disliked you before you had even spoken? So you did your best to be as helpful and kind as possible, keeping the house neat, cooking food whenever the elder Itoshis had to work late, staying silent if he happened to enter the same room as you, and offering nothing but slight smiles if you were forced into an interaction with him.

“You know,” Mrs. Itoshi began one day, as you were eating the dinner she had made for all of you. Rin was on your right, and Mr. Itoshi was across from him, his jovial face such a contrast to his son’s dour look. “Rin’s on the Japanese soccer team.”

“Wow,” you said noncommittally. You hadn’t known that; you had assumed that Rin’s hobbies involved throwing stones at unsuspecting children and tripping old ladies as they crossed the street. Soccer had been the last thing you expected, though it did explain his admittedly splendid physique. “Very impressive.”

“Not really,” Rin said. 

“Why don’t you take her to watch your practice over the weekend?” Mrs. Itoshi pressed. 

“She’s not interested,” Rin said. Of course, you really weren’t — why would you want to watch Rin and his friends kick around a ball for a few hours? It would be a waste of time, time that you could spend working on homework or clearing your ‘to-be-read’ list. But you also weren’t fond of people speaking for you, especially not him. He was the last person who could claim to know anything about you, so by what right could he say that you weren’t interested?

“Actually, I wouldn’t mind going,” you said, batting your eyelashes at him innocently when he glared at you out of the corner of his eye, his expression one of utter disgust and incredulity.

“There you have it! Be sure to introduce her to your teammates. I’m sure they would love to show her around,” Mrs. Itoshi said. Rin snorted.

“Oh, I’m sure they would,” he said, though when he did, it sounded different than what Mrs. Itoshi had surely meant. But you were obviously the only one who picked up on it, and you didn’t want to make dinner unpleasant, so you could only ponder what he might’ve meant in your head instead of asking him outright, as you really wanted to.

Although it was the weekend, Rin’s practice was early in the morning, before the day could really heat up and make exercising unbearable. That meant it was before even the sun’s rise that you were following after him, your books clutched in your arms as you waited at the bus stop.

“Why’re you bringing all of that?” he said when the awkward silence grew to be too much for either of you to bear.

“I’m planning on getting some homework done while I’m there,” you said.

“Why didn’t you just stay home if you wanted to do homework?” he said as the bus pulled to a stop in front of you and the doors flew open. Due to the early hour, there was almost no one else on the bus, but given your unfamiliarity with the route, you still followed after Rin, sitting across the aisle from him and putting your things on the seat beside you.

“I dunno,” you said. “I guess I wanted to meet your teammates. Since they would just love to show me around.”

“Stay away from them,” he said. “They’re a bunch of NPCs. All of them are probably the worst people you could ask to show you anywhere.”

“NPCs?” you said. “That’s pretty harsh to say about your own peers.”

“It’s not like we’re friends or anything,” he muttered, crossing his arms petulantly. “I’ll call them what I want.”

“Sure, whatever you say,” you said, massaging circles into your forehead to ward off your impending migraine. Rin raised his eyebrows.

“Got a headache?” he said, in that same clinical, detached voice he always used.

“Yeah,” you said. And you’re making it worse. You wanted to add that, but you thought it probably wouldn’t be prudent, so you kept your mouth shut.

“Don’t stay up so late on your phone, then,” he said. 

“It’s the only time I can call my friends and family. They’re in a different time zone,” you explained before pausing. Why did you feel the need to justify yourself? It wasn’t like Rin particularly cared either way. He was just giving you that advice because he wanted to boss you around and be rude to you. It was a symptom of dislike, not worry.

You had imagined Rin to be an obsessively punctual person, but to your surprise, it seemed like you both were actually some of the later ones to show up. Perhaps the rest of the team was even more concerned with earliness than him, or maybe you had somehow caused him to be later than he typically was, but either way, by the time you walked onto the field, the others had already gathered, chatting amongst themselves while they waited for their coach to arrive and start the practice.

“There he is! We were beginning to think the world might’ve ended,” a boy with dark, styled hair and a beauty mark beneath his left eye said with a grin. “Nothing less could get you to miss practice, eh, Rin?”

“It still might have,” another boy said. His pale hair was streaked through with green, and he wore an inviting smirk as he pointed at you. “Yo, girl. What kind of blackmail does he have on you? Blink twice if you need help. We’ll get you out of there.”

“Um, he’s not blackmailing me or anything…” you said, glancing at Rin for aid before remembering that he would probably rather jump off of a cliff, backwards and into the jaws of a dozen waiting sharks, than help you out.

“So you’re hanging out with him willingly?” the pale-haired boy said. “Yikes. You can do much better.”

“I kind of have to hang out with him,” you said. “I’m staying with his family for the semester.”

“Oh, you’re the exchange student!” a third boy, this one with icy blue hair and wide, pretty eyes said. “We’ve heard a lot—”

“All of you, be quiet and leave her alone,” Rin said, finally, thankfully speaking up. “Otoya, don’t even look at her, or I’ll make sure you’re benched for the rest of the season.”

The pale-haired boy — Otoya? — held his hands up in the air and whistled innocently, shooting you a wink when Rin turned to address the rest of his team. You raised your eyebrows but suppressed your giggle, not wanting to condemn him to further rebuke from Rin.

“This is Y/N L/N. She’s the exchange student my family is hosting. She wanted to come watch our practice because…actually, I don’t really know why,” Rin said shortly. “But she’s just going to be doing homework on the bench, so if any of you were planning on showing off to impress her, then you can give up on that idea now.”

Otoya noticeably wilted at this, but the others didn’t seem to mind. The first boy, the one with the beauty mark and the strange hairstyle, gave Rin a thumbs up.

“Don’t worry, Rin, we’ll leave the showing off to you. It’s about time you—”

“Shut up!”

They must’ve begun practicing at some point, but you hardly took notice, too busy typing up the outline for an essay you had due in a couple of weeks to care much about what they were doing. Occasionally, someone would shout out a particularly creative insult, and you would have to pause your work to identify the trash talker in order to be able to congratulate them later, but for the most part, you were lost in your own world.

“Hey.” Just the sound of Rin’s cool voice was enough to send shivers of fear down your spine, and you hastily closed your laptop as you looked up at him. “Practice is over.”

“Okay,” you said. “Will you introduce your teammates to me now? I know you told them who I was, but I’d like to at least meet some people my own age.”

“Nope,” he said. “Let’s go.”

“Hold on, I only even came because I wanted to meet them!” you said. “Outside of school, you’re the only one I know. I get that you don’t want me infiltrating your friend group or whatever, but you literally said you don’t like these guys, so why’s it a problem if I become friends with them?”

“They’re so dull and half-baked that your opinion of this country will actually fall if you interact with them further,” he said. “This is just my national pride talking. Come on.”

You stomped after him. What was his problem? He didn’t want to be nice to you, but he also didn’t want anyone else to, either. Was he that determined to make you miserable? Why couldn’t you have been placed in a family with children who weren’t so weird and annoying? Which question had you answered incorrectly on the survey that had resulted in your match-up with the Itoshis? You wished you could retake that stupid quiz and end up somewhere else. You wished that Rin had been the one sent to Spain instead of his older brother, who was certainly more well-adjusted. You wished that you hadn’t chosen to study abroad at all, that you had instead stayed at home with your friends and had a typical first semester like everyone else.

After that day, you stopped even pretending to be polite to Rin. Both of you were cold, hissing insults whenever you passed in the hallways of the home, leaving the room if the other happened to enter, and generally doing what you could to make each other’s lives difficult. It was only in front of Rin’s parents that you maintained some semblance of civility; after all, making Mr. and Mrs. Itoshi choose sides in your silent war would be unethical and wrong.

“I really don’t get it,” you said to your best friend one night, the covers pulled up over your head, your phone screen dimmed so that you were not blinded by its light. “He’s such a jerk, and for what?”

“Boys suck,” she said, hunched over a calculus problem set. The time difference meant that sun streamed in through her window as she wrote, illuminating the shining graphite of her neatly penciled answers. “Did his teammates mention anything suspicious the one time you met them? They’d probably know better than you or I why he’s acting the way he is. Maybe this is just how he is with everyone — if that’s the case, then you can be reassured that it’s not something you’re doing wrong.”

“Not really,” you said. “He forbade all of them from talking to me. Which, by the way, is a real tragedy, because some of them were super cute.”

“Really?” she said.

“Want descriptions?” you said.

“As much as I would like to say yes, I need to focus on this problem set, and anyways, it’ll just make me jealous, so no,” she said.

“Jealous? Let’s trade places, because at the moment, I’m jealous of you. Maybe all of the guys at your school are ugly, but at least you don’t have to deal with Rin!” you said.

“Is Rin attractive?” she said. 

“No — actually, yeah, I can see why a person would think he is,” you said. Personal biases aside, Rin really was very handsome, and that combined with his aloof arrogance afforded him the aura of a YA novel’s male lead. There was no doubt in your mind that he was popular with girls; however, you doubted he himself was aware of this fact. “He’s such a dick that it cancels out, though.”

“Personality is important,” your best friend said. “Oh, fuck!”

“What?” you said.

“I’ve been forgetting to add the integration constant to my answers. Easy fix, no worries. You can keep talking,” she said.

“Thanks,” you said. “There isn’t really much else to say.”

“Well, if you couldn’t get anything out of his teammates, why don’t you try talking to him?” she suggested. “Ask him to his face why he doesn’t like you.”

“Isn’t that kind of uncomfortable?” you said.

“Not like things can get much worse than they already are,” she said.

“True,” you said. “But the thought of confronting him is actually sickening. I’ll pass. This is character building, isn’t it? I’m going to come back home as an entirely new woman. You won’t recognize my mental strength and fortitude.”

“Sure, looking forward to it. I miss you,” she said.

“Miss you more, but it’s pretty late here, so I’m going to have to hang up,” you said, yawning.

“Goodnight, Y/N, and sleep tight. Don’t let Rin Itoshi bite!” she said.

“Oh my god. Go do your homework,” you said, hanging up before she could respond and almost immediately passing out as the moon rose higher and higher in the sky.

Things between you and Rin continued on in that tense manner for the next few weeks, until you became convinced that your heart might give out from the stress. You couldn’t continue to live in this way. You were supposed to be enjoying your time abroad, not counting down the days until you could finally go home.

Rin was watching a horror movie on the computer when you barged into his room. A woman screamed in sync with your entrance, and you jumped at the jarring sound. Rin did not react, clicking on the mouse to pause the film and then turning in his chair to face you.

“What?” he said.

“What? What? What do you think?” you said.

“I wouldn’t have asked if I had the faintest clue why you were storming into my room in the middle of the night,” he said coolly, crossing his arms. “The movie was finally getting exciting, too. So, what do you want? Hurry up and say it.”

Your eye twitched. “I want to know what your problem is.”

“Huh?” he said. 

“Why do you hate me? What have I ever done to you that’s made you so determined to ruin my life? I could even understand if you didn’t want to hang out with me, but you brought me to your practice and then refused to let me talk to just about anyone! What’s the big idea? I just want to enjoy my semester!” you said.

“Oh,” he said. “That’s easy. You’re ruining my soccer career.”

“I’m ruining your soccer career,” you repeated dubiously.

“Yes,” he said.

“Care to elaborate on how I am accomplishing that, exactly?” you said, your hands on your hips. “I went to one practice, and I didn’t even speak the entire time. If your career can be ruined so easily, then it isn’t much of a career in the first place.”

He huffed in aggravation. “I keep thinking about you. It’s messing with my head. I need to focus on soccer and getting better, but for some reason, I can’t stop my thoughts from wandering to places they shouldn’t. It’s worse because I can’t escape you. If I could have just one day to clear my mind, I could forget about you and get back to considering more important things, but you’re always there, worming your way back in.”

Now it was your turn to be confused. “What?”

“I don’t get it, either. You’re not that special, so why can I quit it? Even my teammates have begun to notice. The other day, Isagi told me to go home early because I was ‘bringing nothing to the team.’ Isagi said that! Yoichi Isagi said that I was useless!” he said.

“That would be a lot more impactful if I knew who that was,” you muttered.

“You’re only here for a few more months, right?” he said. “After that, I can get back to my earlier performance and things will return to usual. Just leave me alone until then.”

Confronting Rin had the opposite effect that it should have. Instead of making things better, they actually became worse. What did he mean by saying that you were ruining his soccer career because he couldn’t stop thinking about you? What a stupid excuse! You weren’t that tiresome, so for him to claim that you were taking over his mind because of that was an offense. 

“Y/N, Rin, will you be alright by yourselves for the week?” Mrs. Itoshi said when, once again, you all were gathered to eat dinner. The Itoshi parents had thankfully not yet noticed the enmity between you and their son, so family meals were a regular occurrence — meals in which you and Rin were made to sit by one another and act kindly, lest you make things awkward for Mr. and Mrs. Itoshi, too.

“It’ll be fine,” Rin said, answering for the both of you, the downturn of his mouth daring you to argue. “You guys should have fun in Spain.”

Apparently, Sae had invited his family to visit him in Madrid for the week that he had off from training, but unfortunately for the both of you, Rin was unable to go due to his practice schedule. It was unfortunate for Rin because it meant he couldn’t see his older brother, who he had the world’s most complicated relationship with, and it was unfortunate for you because it meant you couldn’t get a break from Rin’s dramatics.

The week started off normally enough, which meant that you and Rin did not speak, leading your lives with as much separation as was possible. It was actually easier than you were expecting, mainly because Mrs. Itoshi had left you both enough food to last the week, so you could eat when you wanted to instead of having to sit with one another. Gone were the days of turbulent coexistence at meals; now, you could finally enjoy eating without worrying about the boy beside you! You almost wished his parents would never come back, just because of that rare peace.

The fourth night was when it all went wrong. You were video calling your best friend as a storm raged outside, ranting to her about your professors and the heaps of homework you received every day, when the lights flickered.

“Is something wrong with your wifi?” she said. “You’re breaking up.

“It’s raining,” you said. “Pretty hard. The power’s kinda spotty, but I’m hoping it holds—”

The universe must’ve heard your words and decided to play a joke on you, because in that moment, the lights turned off and your call disconnected with a sad beeping sound, alerting you that your poor connection was what did you in. Pouting, you set your phone aside and stared up at the ceiling of the room, deciding you might as well try to fall asleep, given the late hour. Even if the power was out, you wouldn’t be able to tell with your eyes shut, so it was really the best option.

There was a scratching sound on your window, causing you to jolt into a sitting position once more. Rin had watched a horror movie just like this the other day. You remembered it clearly because you had turned on a rom-com once it had finished, and he had called it lukewarm, which made you so mad that you had turned the TV off and gone to take a shower instead.

What had been the plot, again? Oh, right. The power had gone out, and the victim thought that it had been because of a storm, but it had actually been a serial killer taking advantage of the weather to mess with her house’s fuse box. He had done it so that the cameras didn’t catch him as he climbed into her house through her unlocked window and stabbed her in her sleep. The resolution was that her neighbors saw him and called the police right before he killed them, too — yeah, it was a pretty gory film. Lots of blood and knife wounds. You weren’t sure what enjoyment Rin derived from watching it, but you figured it was another one of his irrational attributes that defied explanation.

Another scratching sound. Had you locked the window? What if the power outage wasn’t due to the storm at all? What if Rin had accidentally manifested the same ending for you as that stupid movie? And you were home alone, too, the scenario was just so similar…

This time, the scratching sound was more like an eerie drag of fingernails against the glass, and you couldn’t help yourself. Squealing, you turned the flashlight of your phone on to guide your way as you sprinted out of your room, racing towards the only other inhabited place in the entire lonely house.

“Rin!” you shrieked, convinced that the shadows were actually ghosts come to haunt you and strangle you and bury you alive. “Rin, wake up! We’re both going to die!”

The door to his bedroom banged open, and you pointed your phone at him, the harsh white glow sharpening the angles of his features, the awkward hang of his pajamas off his body, the way his normally neat hair stuck up in every direction. 

“What are you talking about?” he groaned, using his hand to shield his vision from the blinding radiance of your flashlight.

“Do you remember that movie you were watching the other day? The scary one, with the fuse box?” you said.

“Yeah?” he said, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and yawning. “Point your flashlight at the ground, stupid, or you’ll blind me.”

You did as he directed, belatedly remembering that the two of you very much did not like each other. But beggars could not be choosers, and it remained that at the moment, Rin was your best chance at survival, so you had to stick close to him.

“It’s happening,” you whispered. “It’s literally happening to us right now, as we speak. The serial killer already cut our power, and now he’s trying to break in through my bedroom window, and then — and then he’s going to kill us!”

“I cannot believe you woke me up for this,” he said.

“I’m serious!” you said.

“Seriously dumb,” he said. “Why would somebody try to kill us?”

“Don’t you have any rivals that hate you? Maybe they’re taking advantage of the storm to do you in while they have the chance!” you said, creeping closer to him.

“I play soccer. I’m not in a gang,” he said dryly. “No one’s going to come murder me for being better than them, trust me. Or else I’d already be dead.”

“Go see for yourself, then!” you said. “Wait. But I’ll go with you. People who split up in horror movies always die. There’s real merit to the ‘safety-in-numbers’ theory.”

“How many horror movies have you watched, to make you such an expert on them?” he said.

“You always have them playing, so of course I’ve learnt by osmosis!” you said, inching along behind him as he trudged towards your room. He gave no response bar a click of his tongue as he yanked open the door you had slammed shut in your haste, striding in authoritatively, grabbing your phone and lighting his own way with it instead of relying on your shaky hands.

He pulled the curtains open with a flourish, and you cringed, using his broad back to hide yourself, expecting to see some grotesque face and keeping your eyes screwed shut so you didn’t have to be met with the visage that would spell your death.

“Hey. Y/N. Open your eyes, dumbass. You made me get up because of a damn tree,” Rin said, shaking you by the shoulder. 

“A what?” you said, opening your eyes against your will and then blinking properly when you saw there was nothing there but the boughs of the cherry tree planted in front of Sae’s room. The frenzied wind caused the branches to rub against the window, and this, you realized, was the source of the sound you had been so afraid of. “Oh. A tree.”

“I’m going back to bed,” he informed you. “Wake me up again and you really will be dead, but it’ll be at my hands, not some imaginary serial killer’s.”

You tried. You really tried to stay asleep — you were an independent woman, weren’t you? You had gotten full marks on all of your midterms. You had flown to a different country and learned to live there without much trouble. You had shared a house with Rin Itoshi for the past couple of months, and he was more like a creature out of a nightmare than anything else ever could be. Sleeping alone when the power was out was a piece of cake. You could do it. 

It was not, in fact, a piece of cake, and you could not, in fact, do it. Tip-toeing to Rin’s room, you knocked as lightly as you could, half-hoping that he did not hear. You doubted he had made his earlier threat lightly, after all, and there was a real chance that this action would be your last.

“What now?” Rin said, answering the door a few seconds later. You crossed your arms and stared at the floor obstinately, your pride not allowing you to say anything. He waited for a moment, and then he pinched your upper arm. “Are you sleepwalking? Hello? Wake up if you are, so that I can get to bed myself. I have practice tomorrow, and I need to be well-rested!”

“I’m not sleepwalking!” you said. “I can’t.”

“You can’t sleepwalk? Okay,” he said. “I didn’t really care either way, so there was no need for you to tell me.”

“I can’t sleep at all!” you said. “It’s because of those dumb movies you always watch and those creepy games you play. I keep thinking that something’s going to happen, even though I know that those things aren’t real.”

He narrowed his eyes at you, like he was trying to discern whether you were telling the truth, and then he ran a hand through his hair.

“You have problems,” he said. “They aren’t real, but whatever. Come in.”

“Uh, what?” you said.

“I’ll take the floor, and you can sleep in my bed,” he said, rolling his eyes like you were the ridiculous one for being taken aback by the offer. “That way you can be less nervous.”

It was the kindest thing he had ever done for you, and you almost called him out for it, but then there was another crack of lightning, so you opted not to argue, darting into the room after him and diving into his bed without a second thought.

“Hand me a pillow,” he said, settling on the ground with a blanket he pulled down from the top shelf of his closet. You were about to throw it at him before wavering, considering what he was truly doing for you. Rin Itoshi, who was so careful with his body, who was a pro athlete that required an exact amount of sleep and the perfect balance of nutrients, had woken up in the middle of the night twice and was now offering to sleep on the floor, all because you were afraid of a power outage. 

If only there was electricity! You needed to call your best friend and get her opinion on this. You had avoided telling her the results of your confrontation with him, believing that she would just make fun of you, but for some reason, you thought she might be interested in this development. You thought that she might be the only one who would understand it, because obviously, neither you nor Rin did.

“Um, you can have the bed, if you’d like,” you said, pushing the blankets away reluctantly, your neck protesting at the mere prospect of spending the night on the hardwood. “It’ll be bad for your back if you’re on the floor.”

“It’s not a big deal,” he said. “At least, it won’t be, if you give me that pillow.”

You caved, giving him the pillow and rolling to the opposite side of his bed, which was even larger than the one you were used to. He grunted out a thank you, and then both of you were silent, but it was obvious that neither of you were asleep.

“Rin.”

“Yes?”

“We could share. Your bed is pretty big, so if we put pillows between us, it won’t be weird. Anyways, it’s only until the power comes back, and then I’ll go to my room, so it won’t even be for that long,” you said. The suggestion was met with sputtering from the ground.

“You — me — what — share? No way! No way, terrible idea, why would you suggest that?” he said.

“I just feel bad that you have to be on the floor, that’s all,” you said. “Especially because it’s your room and you’re doing me a favor.”

He didn’t say anything for so long that you were certain he must’ve fallen asleep. “I don’t mind sleeping on the floor for you.”

“Really? I thought you hated me, though,” you said. The bed creaked from an unexpected weight dropping on it, and when you shifted, you saw that he had settled beside you, fluffing up a pillow to serve as a barrier, his face a light pink as he lay on his side to face you. You did the same, peering up at him over the pillow and swallowing when he did not avoid your gaze.

“I do,” he said. “A lot. But I also don’t.”

You furrowed your brow. “I don’t get it.”

“I’ve never been distracted by anyone or anything before,” he said. “That’s why I hate you. I hate things I don’t understand, and I don’t understand why you’re constantly on my mind.”

“Am I that annoying?” you said.

“Yes,” he said flatly. “You’re annoying every time you smile or laugh or say something — say anything, and you’re especially annoying when you act friendly towards my shitty teammates, especially that ninja bastard Otoya. You’re annoying whenever you talk to me, and you’re annoying when you do your homework instead of watching me at the practice you asked to go to. Your lukewarm movies are annoying, and so is your hatred of anything horror-related. It’s annoying that you’re nice to my parents, and it’s even more annoying that you’re better at coming up with insults than I am. You’re the most annoying person I’ve ever met.”

You didn’t need your best friend to translate this for you. Despite what Rin liked to say, you weren’t that stupid — you had been selected to study abroad out of hundreds of applicants, after all, and for the first time, you were so grateful for that fact. Because the thought of somebody else being here, in this bed, hearing these things from rude, haughty Rin Itoshi, was unbearable.

“Do you have a crush on me?” you said. He immediately stiffened, his eyebrows drawing together, low and heavy over his half-lidded eyes.

“No,” he said.

“Sure,” you said. “That’s good, because I’m going to leave soon. It would be problematic if either of us liked one another.”

“Exactly,” he said.

“You’re annoying, too, just to be clear,” you said. “The most annoying guy I’ve ever met in my life. Super annoying.”

“Uh-huh,” he said. 

“I’m telling the truth. Once I go back home, I’ll be incredibly bored. No one back there could ever hope to irritate me even half as much as you do,” you said.

“Good,” he said, and at that you smiled into the softness of his sheets, hiding the expression from him. “They’re not allowed to. You’re the only one who makes me feel like this, so the reverse should also be true.”

“I won’t be able to come here again for a while,” you said after a bit. “Likely years. I’ll be busy with school and work and my friends and family, so it’ll probably be goodbye forever when I go.”

Rin’s voice was sleepy when he spoke, reminding you of the late hour and how early he had to wake up daily.

“Then I can finally focus on soccer again,” he mumbled. “That’s a relief.”

You reached across the pillow to pat him on the cheek. “Yes, you can.”

“After I retire, I’ll come and find you,” he said. 

“That long?” you said. “What if I forget about you by then? Because I might.”

“Don’t,” he commanded. “Wait for me. Let me win the next World Cup, and then…and then…”

 His words trailed off into a soft exhale as he finally succumbed to sleep. You allowed your hand, which still lay against his face, to trace his jawline before retracting it and holding it close to your heart. 

He was definitely still a jerk, but maybe you did not hate him quite as much as you had thought You did. Actually, maybe he wasn’t that bad at all, and maybe you could not imagine what an existence without him, which you had craved so desperately only days earlier, might be like. 

You weren’t sure what would happen if that day he spoke of came, if he did fly across the world to find you after the next World Cup. Would he still be himself, or would he be some gentler version? And what of you? Would Rin Itoshi still be someone you paid any mind to, or, by then, would he just be a not-so-fond memory? The strange boy who may or may not have had a crush on you, who was obsessed with soccer and horror movies, who argued with you constantly and made you more infuriated than you had ever been…well, if you thought about it, then there really was no chance of you forgetting him at all. Not so quickly.

So you sighed, turned away from him and let your own eyes shut as well. The house was dark and still, the familiar hum of the refrigerator silenced, the crushing of the ice-maker temporarily halted. Only Rin’s steady inhales and exhales cut through the blackness, lulling you to sleep despite the atmosphere you had previously found sinister.

“I guess I have no choice, huh?” you said as you, too, drifted off. “Brainless, rude, pesky Rin Itoshi. Fine, then. If that’s how you want it…I’ll wait. Just until the next World Cup, I’ll wait for you.”

#rin x reader #rin x y/n #rin x you #itoshi rin #bllk x reader #bllk #blue lock #reader insert #canon au #m1ckeyb3rry milestone #m1ckeyb3rry writes

[villainofmyownstory]

Day Zero

chapter 6: The one with half-truths

masterlist - taglist - AO3

pairing: Simon “Ghost” Riley x plus size fem!reader

summary: The constant mistrust of each other causes permanent tension and resentment. No one can admit what they are really hiding.

tags: AFAB reader, plus size reader, dog german shepherd, alcohol, weapon

author's note: Thank you for your replies. I love reading your comments, they make my day! Feel free to write to me here if you have any questions, complaints, concerns, whatever. <3

💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀

Chapter 6: The one with half-truths

Day 737

Everything happens as if in slow motion. With every single heartbeat. Animation played frame by frame. Blink after blink of an eyelid.

And the constant audible banging of pipes, somewhere downstairs in the house.

If it wasn't for the fact that Ghost was holding Riley on a leash, the dog in a frenzy would probably have bumped into you at full speed and plunged its fangs into the thin skin of your neck, driving blades tearing through your aorta in seconds.

If it wasn't your dog, that's probably what would have happened. However, despite months of separation, you knew this dog very well. He had never behaved like that. And most importantly, he had never behaved so aggressively towards his owners.

Fury was written all over his face, his eyes reddened, bigger than usual. Loud stifled whimpers, interspersed with loud threatening barks. He acted as if he was facing a rival, not a familiar person. A deadly enemy.

Excess saliva ran down the dog's coat dripping and soiling the hallway floor.

The dog jerked, trying to reach you.

You involuntarily turn sideways towards the dog standing more confidently on slightly bent legs, raising your arms as if to hide behind them.

However, when Ghost's voice gives the dog simple and firm commands, the dog's attention turns to the man.

Although the tone of his voice is not pleasant, nor are the words he speaks. Somehow, they cause the frantic race of thoughts in your head to stop and the fact that the dog does not want to attack you reaches you. The truth is that it wants to attack that which is making itself known with loud bangs, hidden down in the basement.

The man speaks loud but calm commands to the dog, which, further enraged, slowly calms down and stands back on two paws, continuing to growl throatily.

However, he eventually obediently stands by the leg of the masked soldier and just looks in your direction with his head lowered.

"What the bloody ‘ell did you do?"

Ghost slowly walks in towards you. You notice that he wraps the leash around his hand so that it is even shorter.

"I’ve asked you a question, what ‘ave you done, kid?"

You stare at the man, trying to somehow logically explain the whole situation. But no clever words come to mind. You haven't really done anything, at least nothing deliberately.

He is the one who should explain himself. It wasn't you who had a big secret hidden in the basement. Clearly, a very alive mystery.

Finally you straighten up by lowering your arms along your body and look more confidently at the uniformed man in front of you.

"I- I didn't do anything.I was trying on shoes and suddenly there was a knock on the pipes. Ghost, what the hell…"

Another sound from downstairs sounds as if with redoubled force. Interrupting your words. This time the sounds are non-rhythmic, as if full of despair and hope that someone will finally hear it.

A cry for help.

The man looks towards the door then raises his gaze to your hand, around which the leash is tightly tied. Then his eyes return again in your direction - to the door. As if pondering, he is trying to resolve some inner personal battle that is going on in his mind at the moment.

"Get the dog and go to the bathroom, lock the door and don't open it till I come for you."

Ghost says quickly untangling the leash from his hand and quickly tying it around yours.

"No, no Ghost it's..."

"Bluddy 'ell there's no time for a chat. Just do what I tell you. Get Riley and go to the damn bathroom."

The man pulls lightly on the leash provoking the dog to move but the dog, like you, has no intention of moving from its spot.

"Fuck. Kid, cooperate..."

He hisses through clenched teeth the man reaches for the keys he had on a chain in his tactical vest.

"No, Ghost!"

You yell desperately. What if this man is not who he seemed. Although, he doesn't evoke positive feelings, he hasn't made you feel threatened or more afraid of him in the time you've been in his house. Apart from the incident on the day you met him, Ghost has behaved harshly towards you, but he hasn't tried to hurt you.

However, hearing those desperate noises from the basement, many thoughts popped into your head, many solutions to explain it all.

What if he was one of those lunatics who lost their minds during months of solitude. What if he was already some kind of madman before Day Zero or... maybe he was a soldier who enjoyed killing, a war criminal, a fucking murderer. Which is what... no. Nodding your head negatively you want to banish these messed up thoughts from your head. What if what you were eating, what was hidden in the icebox, that blood red meat wasn't what you thought it was all along.

Trying not to explode, holding back a sudden vomiting reflex, you stare at the man with horror.

"Well, spit it out. I can see you wan' to say something."

Ghost saying this goes to one of the closed doors and quickly opens it. His movements are swift and decisive, and despite the prevailing semi-darkness the man emerges from the room after a few seconds holding a gun in his hands. A freakin' shotgun.

"What the..., Ghost! Who are you holding in there? Why are you keeping someone locked in the basement? Who-who are you?"

In terror with your voice raised by several octaves you shout at the man waving your hands towards the door and the man.

"Go. To. Bathroom. Now."

Ghost loads the magazine and walks towards you. With his free hand he grabs your arm and, squeezing harder, pushes you deeper into the corridor. Towards that bathroom.

Riley now obediently standing by your leg again growls loudly and practically barks hysterically.

"No, damn it! I'm coming with you, there's someone alive in there and you're what? What's going on here?"

You try to say anything logical. But the stress, the adrenaline of this whole strange situation causes a torrent of words to pour out of your mouth, merging into one squeaky whole. The previously quiet place is now a cacophony of many sounds, voices. Chaos.

Ghost turns towards you leaning in your direction. A large and tall monument of a man who seems the only one composed in all this madness. When his gaze is at your eye level for a few seconds without blinking he looks into your frightened eyes as if he wants to reassure you, to look somewhere inside you and without words calm you down.

‘Please.’

This time his words are subdued as if calmer. Despite so many sounds that are now sweeping through the house, you stand as if in hypnosis focused only on the low voice of the man in front of you.

"Please, I'll explain everythin’ later. Go to the bathroom for God's sake."

Ghost leads you to the bathroom at the end of the corridor, the same one he let you take a bath in on your first day.

When he made sure you locked the door from inside only for a brief moment you heard his hurried footsteps towards the cellar door. Then the clink of keys and the creak of a steel door opening.

The slam of the door closing.

A few moments. Maybe two or three minutes.

And there came silence.

Nothing, no banging.

Curled up in the corner of the bathroom, you try to control your slightly accelerated breathing. The chase of thoughts comes up again.

As soon as the bathroom door closed and the sounds from the basement stopped, Riley momentarily calmed down. He lay down next to you gasping louder, but it would seem that the events of a moment ago and his sudden attack of aggression had not happened.

Counting your breaths, squeezing harder on the leash you still held, you try to put your thoughts in order. Still, the man, Ghost himself, is an unknown to you. Just when it seemed to you that you had somehow made a step forward in this strange and unusual acquaintance of yours. His sudden behaviour made you take two big steps backwards. It was as if he was tightly wrapped in a slippery cocoon, which you were trying to climb inside, slipping every now and then.Just a few hours ago, the memory of this sudden closeness is still vivid in your mind. The unexpected proximity breaking down the barrier between you, when last night you felt his mask on your cheek and his warm breath on your neck.

Maybe it was your delusion, that event at the table after a few sips of alcohol did not happen. Or it simply meant nothing.

Now, all in all, it didn't matter any more.

Even the fact that closeness, with another human being, was something you craved somewhere deep inside. And ironically, you didn't even realize how your body, mind and soul craved and longed for physical contact with another person.  Maybe it wasn't even about any intimacy between a man and a woman. But that kind of contact with the other person - ordinary human, friendly and comforting.

But now it all didn't really matter, the fact that he cooked such a good dinner, the fact that he prepared your clothes, shoes other useful things. Or that he even left that old-fashioned cd player.

Small gestures, but somewhere under your skin you felt a pleasant tingling, this gentle trembling releasing a pleasant feeling, somewhere buried deep in your body.

It was all shattered. Buried many feet underground, even covered in concrete. Perhaps no longer recoverable, through what had just happened.

Now a secret hidden a dozen steps down, under the floor, behind a steel door. It caused fear and uncertainty, as if you had gone back in time and, just as you had done for so many long and miserable weeks locked in your family home or in the strange houses you had lived in, you sat huddled in the darkest and most remote room huddled in a corner. Praying for the return of normality, begging anything, anyone to explain the chaos that was happening outside.

Now, huddled in the corner of the bathroom in Ghost's house, you try to explain in any way you can, or perhaps reassure yourself.

But no logical and sensible explanation came to mind.

There was someone down there. Someone. Alive. Just like you or Ghost. So what was he doing down there, how did he get down there and most importantly why did the man lock that person down there.

The man in the mask is like a fucking enigma to you. Questions and doubts constantly brewing.

What if you weren't the first person to get caught in this man's trap, what if this tower and the signal weren't meant to help, to save. But were some kind of lure for the lost, lonely and frightened last surviving travellers. What if it was all some kind of bullshit game of hunter and prey.

Were there more people in the basement, why hadn't you heard anything all those days. And how long had they been locked in there.

And most importantly, were you supposed to end up there too?

Every second a new thought pops into your mind, a new question, frightening and electrifying to the marrow of your bones.

You are finally pulled out of these chaotic and nervous musings by the sudden movement of a dog. Riley rises quickly and stands on four paws trying to approach the door. With no time to react you hear a knock.

"It's me, Ghost. Open up."

You slowly get up on your feet and with shaky legs, approach the door. Grabbing the handle and the door lock with your other hand, you sigh and quietly say

"I'm scared..."

"Christ, open it and let's talk."

To your surprise the words spoken by the man are not full of anger and hostility or the irritation you already know so well.

Once again, already countless times, his behaviour surprises you.

"What if, what if I end up in the basement too? How do I know you won't hurt me?"

You lean your forehead against the door praying that his words will reassure you, just like when he told you to go to the bathroom, when he bent down and in a calm tone told you what to do.

"You won't get there"

Riley standing next to you lightly tugged on the leash that you involuntarily still hold in your hand, he scratched the door with his paw as if he too wanted to convince you to leave.

‘Look there's Ghost, you've got nothing to be afraid of.'

"You won't end up in the basement..."

“You're staying here, I can promise you that. You don't belong there."

No no no. Impossible. Promises were not his habit.

This couldn't be true. After all, this house was, no, is a fucking fortress. A tightly secured place. Not prison for... anyone.

Shaking your head, you try to control yourself.

"I don't believe you. Someone is there and you..."

You say through gritted teeth.

“It's your home after all, Ghost. This is not some prison, this is not a place where…"

“Open the door and let's talk face to face, okay? I'll answer any question, just get out of this bathroom.”

His snarky, low timbre of voice penetrates the door with ease. Your shallow breathing slowly fills your lungs. For the last few days, no, for far too long you've been under constant tension. You feel like a ticking bomb whose fuse has slowly backfired and is getting closer to detonation with each passing day. An explosion.

The dog is impatient, hissing louder and louder every passing minute, scratching at the door and nudging your leg with its head as if to hurry you along.

As you finally turn the key in the lock with a quiet clatter and slowly open the door, Riley takes the opportunity to squeeze through a small gap and with a stifled bark comes to the man's feet sniffing him.

Like a shadow with your head lowered you slowly walk out of the dark room and follow the man and your dog.

When you reach the room, the same table where you allowed yourself a slight exaggeration in terms of the amount of alcohol last night. And the man has crossed that unwritten and invisible personal space. And ironically, everything looks like the day before. As if nothing had happened. Just another quiet day.

Ghost is still dressed in a heavy tactical gear, with that creepy skull attached to his balaclava.

When he finally sits down without waiting or saying anything to you he reaches for a bottle of some expensive drink again. Pouring himself a full one, he places the already half-empty bottle in your direction and takes a few large gulps.

Wiping his half-covered face with a glove, he finally turns towards you

"We don't have all evening. Hurry up."

This time you don't sit close to him, you sit across the table from him, placing your hands on the tabletop nervously plucking at the slightly tattered fabric of your gloves.

"I want to."

The lump in your throat tightens, preventing you from saying the sentence out loud properly and with an air of certainty.

"Come on kid."

He snaps, covering a gentle smile with his raised glass, slowly taking another and another sip of alcohol.

You want to say so much, to ask so many questions that have not only been swirling around in your head since that basement situation, but that have been clogging up every minute you've spent in his house.

But you are so afraid, somewhere deep inside you, underneath the feelings tightly buried underneath the fear, you are afraid that he will say what you don't want to hear.

Who he really is. No saviour, a rescue for your lost and lonely self. Or maybe someone completely different, evil.

Finally, clutching the fist of your left hand tighter, you lift your gaze and stare angrily at him.

"I-I want to know who's in the basement."

The corners of the man's mouth lift higher, upwards, and mockingly, nonchalantly he replies to you

"Nobody."

A clenched fist hits the table with heavy force. Riley concernedly rises from the doorstep and looks at you both.

"You think this is funny! You think... You're having fun, aren't you? What the hell is wrong with you, dude?"

The man leans back in his chair, getting more comfortable by relaxing his shoulders and straightening up he seems even more amused by your sudden attack.

"There's no one there. No more."

Answering he tilts his head lowering his gaze to your clenched hand which still rests in the same place on the wooden table.

"Why the gloves?"

"Why the mask?"

You reply fiercely and immediately, grimacing your face in anger.

Ghost lets out something resembling a monosyllabic laugh while tilting his head back while nodding disbelievingly.

"I'm the one making the rules here. No more questions."

With fury you stand up and pointing your finger at him hisses through your teeth.

"You don't want to answer my questions? Fine. Get the hell sober, then we'll talk like adults."

You turn on your heel and quickly leave the room. You want to be as far away from him as possible, even though you feel you've wasted your time and strained your already shattered nerves you're still glad it wasn't today that you heard his true motivations.

At least one more goddamn night in this warm house.

One more warm meal. And tomorrow...

"It was.... hell, I had one of them"

His words momentarily stop you in mid-step. It seems the man himself regrets these frankly spoken words, as if he has surprised himself with this sudden surge of truthfulness.

"I had everything under control. I don't know why it woke up."

When you turned to look at the man he was already hunched over the table nervously moving the empty glass in his hands without taking his eyes off it. It was as if he was afraid to look at you knowing that he would see no understanding, just another wave of sinister angry looks.

"‘Do you mean to say that all this time. When I was sitting in that damn house. Locked up in so many locks! For fuck's sake! I was locked in with one of them? I can't believe it, this is crazy. There's something wrong with you."

You shake your head. Even though a storm of emotions is sweeping through you inside. A raging hurricane, a tornado. You stand still, not moving in any direction.

"It's not like that. You were..still. You are, safe here. Safer than anywhere.Besides, it's more complicated than you think."

Ghost responds by speaking slowly, in a trembling and hoarse voice.

"This is classified. Confidential. I can't say anything more. But that one, it's not a problem anymore. I've dealt with it."

Finally, shaky legs lead you back towards the table.

"Are you demanding honesty from me? And now you say it's classified? And you won't provide any explanation? I think I deserve, any explanation. Unbelievable."

You snort angrily, turning on your heel and this time walking out of the room unstopped by Ghost's next spoken words.

The only audible oddities in the house are your quick footsteps and the clatter of Riley's paws who, seeing you disappear into the dark hallway, immediately ran after you.

Day 738

The sensation of a firm grip on your shoulder and a vigorous but slight shaking, gradually awakens you from the extremely peaceful and deep sleep you had fallen into after the emotional afternoon of the previous day.

A quiet and steady male voice, heard as if spoken from somewhere in the distance, slowly brings you back to a state of consciousness. From the pleasant images of your dreams, you are pulled out by a strangely familiar - and yet other than usual - voice. It sounded different. As if he was the opposite of the one you had already become used to during the last few days here, his voice was as if friendly, and perhaps a tad affectionate.

"Wake up, hey. Get up."

No, you must have thought so. Perhaps due to sleep, Ghost's words sounded like a favourite, oft-played melody. He had never spoken to you in such a tone.

Slowly opening your eyes, still glued together from a pleasant sleep, to your surprise the vision in front of you is invisible. Darkness continues to reign. It must be very early in the morning.

Grimacing and yawning involuntarily, you drag yourself up straightening your ossified limbs and your sore muscles, stiffened from the hard mattress.

"Good mornin’."

Mumbling uncomfortably, you notice that your pyjama shirt has pulled up tightly during the night, pulling your protruding belly away. Sitting up you grab the hem of the tee quickly pulling it down. And at the same moment as the soft material of the shirt covers your body, feeling the cotton weave under your fingers - you freeze.

You are not wearing gloves.

In a panic you clench the fist of your left hand, praying that Ghost, like you, can't see much at this hour. That, thanks to the tightly closed shutters, not even the smallest, first rays of the rising sun entered the room and prevented you from getting a good look.

You don't remember taking your gloves off before going to bed. You only took them off when you took a bath and quickly washed them. What is there to say, ever since you crossed the threshold of this house and made sure that your left hand was either clenched into a fist or hidden, so that a man wouldn't see what you wanted so badly to hide from him. Even while sleeping in this bizarre tiny room, or rather resembling a storage room. The gloves were still stuck on your hands, thoroughly covering every bit of skin on your hand.

You didn't want to let the man finally see what you were trying to hide from him.

And you had good reason to do so. Revealing the truth could have cost you a lot. Well, it could have cost you your life. Literally.

You are pulled from these feverish musings by the next words of a man who was now standing in the exit, almost in the corridor.

“Gather up, we're leaving in twenty minutes.”

Finishing his sentence, he turned his back and started down the corridor with a quiet chuckle, adding

“You don't like getting up in the morning, do you, birdy?'

When you finally look at yourself in the bathroom mirror after your morning toilet, you are surprised to find that your previously grey, heavily tired face with large bags under your eyes has slowly taken on more vibrant, cheery colour.

You correct the clothes you found a few days ago on one of the neatly stacked piles of clothes. Hoping they will be good on you and the man won't mind, considering that they were definitely not to his taste.

Stepping outside, Ghost is already standing in full gear with Riley on a leash, who merrily wagges his tail while standing evenly by the man's side. The weather promises to be sunny, the sky shrouded only by single, small clouds. Even in the distance you can hear birds singing.

One would think that it is a simple May morning, like any other for many years. The same, lazy and peaceful. The world slowly waking up to life.

Except that as you take your first steps on the stairs and Ghost hastily closes the locks, you don't hear the noise of passing cars or the chatter of neighbours in the yards of their houses at all. Apart from the birds and the light hum of the wind, there is that familiar, and unbearable, silence.

"Come on, get in."

The soldier's voice is again just as you remember it, harsh, commanding and unpleasant.

“Get behind the wheel, I'll take care of monitoring the area.”

It's been a while since you last sat behind the wheel and drove a car. However, it was probably nothing difficult, reckon it's like riding a bike. Once learnt it is never forgotten. You check the position of the side mirrors and wheel, and adjust the saddle so that your legs reach the pedals comfortably. You fasten your seat belt and, breathing deeply a few times, start the engine by turning the key in the ignition.

With little bouncing and whooshing the car finally starts. The drive is slow, the man instructing you which way to go.

Riley sits on the boot of the back as if copying Ghost's behaviour, stretches his neck out and looks carefully around.

The landscape outside the car's windows is typically urban, straight intersections, buildings standing tightly side by side. As the city has been uninhabited for a long time, greenery appears in the least expected places.

Between the sidewalk tiles or in the roofs, holes of buildings.

It's quiet in the car, only every now and then Ghost breaks the prevailing silence for a moment and gives short and quick commands, pointing you in the direction of drive.

You are still angry with him for yesterday afternoon. For the lack of any explanation and for his drunken ramblings about secrecy and confidentiality , about pratically everything you wanted to ask him about.

Clutching your hands tighter on the steering wheel, you stubbornly do not turn your head away from the windshield, focusing your gaze on the straight and smooth asphalt streets.

Finally, you open the window from your side to feel the brisk breeze of spring. You smile gently, feeling the warm wind brush your cheeks.

Eventually you drive quite far from home, Ghost tells you to stop at one of the buildings. The district seems to be more industrial than residential. Large buildings with broken windows stand by the street scaring its view, by casting extensive shadows on the street.

“One of the cameras has been activating every now and then for some time. Maybe it's broken, because it should only activate when it senses some movement.”

Ghost looks through the window on your side, pointing his finger at one of the walls of the tall, oblong building.

“Maybe it detects some kind of herd, wild boar or hares. It's getting warmer and warmer, everything is waking up after winter, maybe they're looking for food.”

“How does it all work?”

You interrupt him, looking in the same direction as the man.

“Why don't you finally say something more about all this, you are quite well organized. Why don't you say it's a confidential matter and I won't find out anything more?”

You turn your head in his direction, trying to read something from his posture, his movements in the passenger seat. Unfortunately, wearing a mask, it was difficult to understand what feelings were going through him at the moment.

“Yes, most things are classified, but.... I can tell you something,” he replies

The man gets out of the car and pulls the dog out of the trunk. You hastily get out and stand next to them.

“The cameras have motion sensors, so they don't run continuously. I have solar panels, aggregators, so when it comes to power, there is no problem. The house, as well as important points in the city, have been prepared for such an eventuality. So by taking care of it and having the knowledge, I can live here for many long years.”

Ghost looks at you crossing his arms over his chest. Riley, without waiting for you, walks down the street sniffing cars left on the side of the road.

“So you're saying that you knew... that you were prepared for all this?”

“Not exactly, but yes. I was trained to survive in difficult conditions. I also learned a lot during those two years.” - he said.

The man pulled the gun off his shoulder and looked at it carefully

“That means you have running water, electricity. You've got supplies, weapons.... It means that all the rumors that were repeated months before. They were true. That the government, the military, other services.... knew about it! You knew what was going to happen!”

Ghost lifts his gaze from the gun and looks back at you squinting his eyes and sighs loudly

“It's... complicated. No, we were not prepared for such a situation exactly. It's ... just there was information that something , close to it, might happen. But no one expected such chaos, annihilation. And what it is now.”

Maybe the man was telling the truth, maybe he wanted to convey something to you that would finally cut short this intrusive race of questions that was going on in your head. Or maybe the man answered evasively, lying in an attempt to simply reassure you in a twisted way.

“And the basement?” 

You finally ask this question hoping that the situation from last night will not repeat itself.

“It's classified.”

Ghost replies roughly

“Come on. After all, the law, the governments, all that stuff is gone. You can't hide behind continued professional secrecy or whatever you want to call it.”

Raising your voice, you nevertheless try to sound calm, not letting him know what emotions are gripping you.

You felt like throwing yourself at the man, beating him with your fists shouting for him to finally end this farce and tell you everything you want to know.

If you were to cooperate and live side by side you had to be honest with each other.

And in this case, unfortunately, you were afraid that you could not be completely honest with him, because the truth could cause more damage and problems than keeping silent or partially ignoring the issue. Maybe lying was not always the worst option, maybe it was the lesser evil. Less harm, and less pain.

“There was one of them in the basement. Unconscious. That much I can say. Come let's check that security camera.”

After checking the camera, which Ghost said was fully operational, the man decided to search one of the neighboring buildings.

Then you go in a steady rhythm to the tower, at noon, where for more than an hour Ghost waits for any signal or the arrival of anyone. However, no one responded this time either. Not a trace of anyone.

Returning, as the suburban landscape moved lazily past the window, you decided to ask a few things again.

“Are there more places like yours?”

Asking this question, you took your eyes off the road for a moment and looked hopefully at the man

“I don't know. There are several houses similar to mine planned in this town. They should also be in other strategic places. But... I don't know, I haven't heard from anyone since Day Zero.”

“So you think... you think it's the end of humanity, that this virus, bacteria, whatever it was and it's infecting people, it's so strong that.... eventually everyone will become one of them?”

“What exactly do you mean kid? The end of humanity?”

You roll your eyes hearing this nickname once again

“Why are you calling me ‘kid’?”

Your fingers nervously tap the steering wheel, and when you don't hear an answer from the man, you add

“I'm not as young as you think.”

Ghost visibly amused snorts  

“You're young enough for me.”

“Then what should I call you old man? Actually, I don't know what's under that mask. Maybe you wear it to somehow hold back the big wrinkles?”

Ghost snorts visibly amused

“Maybe you're right, maybe not.”

The man focuses his gaze behind the view outside the window and follows something on the sidewalk.

“Stop quickly.”

You press the brake pedal, causing the vehicle to jerk suddenly.

Ghost hastily gets out and heads a few steps behind the car.

You get out and run up to the man.

“What's going on Ghost?”

As you approach, you look to the spot over which the man is crouching

“Blood. But it's already dried up. Maybe some animal got hurt. It's not a large amount.”

You notice a small dark crimson stain on the sidewalk right next to the curb.

Ghost gets up and looks around.

“I'll let Riley out to check the area, but I'm sure it's the blood of some small animal hunted by some larger predator.”

As Riley searches the area you and Ghost stand next to the car in silence watching the dog's actions.

“Do you know how to shoot?”

Ghost is standing next to you with his hands folded over his chest his tone of voice is a little more pleasant this time, perhaps more sympathetic even.

“No, I've never shot,”

“I'll teach you.”

The man replies briefly and pulls one of the smaller gun from its holster.

Holding it in his open hand, he displays it so that you can see the item accurately.

“Are you left-handed or right-handed?”

“I don't know. When I was a kid I learned to write with one hand and the other... so.”

You answer and Ghost turns the weapon around so that you can freely grab the handle.

“See which hand you're more comfortable in.”

Catching the weapon uncertainly in your right hand, you are surprised by its heaviness. Despite its small size, the weapon is relatively heavy.

“Relax, the gun is locked.”

Ghost saying this corrects your hand on the gun so that you can grab it more comfortably and with a firmer grip.

After a while you release the grip and, hesitating to move the gun to your other hand, you remember that if you grab it with your left hand, the man may notice something you've been trying to hide from him all these days.

Nevertheless, the man speaks, as if reading your mind.

“Your left hand, you always hide it.”

The man slowly takes the weapon from your hand and puts it back in place.

Standing opposite each other, with the sun gently covering the clouds, you could finally take a calm and close look at the man. His dark eyes in the daylight were a warm brown, like two ambers in which were embedded flecks of glittering gold and reddish glitter. His eyes are unique, staring at you with full attention and concentration. You could swear that underneath that scary and menacing-looking skull mask, Ghost was smiling. The corners of his large eyes were crinkling and along with his long (for a man, he had bloody long and thick eyelashes - oh how you'd love to have those), forming a peculiar, lovely frame around his eyeballs.

Looking at him has your body warming, a fire igniting under your skin.

His hand has slowly moved towards your left arm. In a gentle grip, he grabs your wrist and just as slowly lifts it up so that it is stretched out in front of you.

You feel his hard slightly rough thumb slide with unusual tenderness over the top of your wrist gently hooking the skin that was already under the material of the glove.

You say nothing, your eyes remain in uninterrupted contact, and the man wordlessly tilts his head slightly to signal you not to worry. Interrupting the soothing finger movement, the man slips his index finger and thumb inside the glove, catching your hand in a slight squeeze and unhurriedly moving his hand so that the glove material began to slide away from your hand.

Riley suddenly breaks off on all fours running towards one of the deserted tall buildings. He falls into the same rage that he had fallen into the day before when those sounds were heard from the basement. Barking loudly and nervously, he sprints towards the dark, open entrance of the building.

Ghost lets go of your hand flexing his muscles and straightening up.

He looks towards the building the dog was running towards and then at you at the same moment pulling the gun off his shoulder.

"Get in the car. And close the door."

The man hastily checks the number of magazines he has on him and lights the torches he has attached to his tactical gear.

"Come on!"

He shouts urging you on.

"What's going on, why should I get in the car? Maybe someone is out there? they need our help or something?"

You ask nervously looking towards the building in front of which the dog was standing furiously and out barking noisily.

"Bloody hell, kid. Our help? Are you really that stupid? They don't need our help!"

"Them? What are you saying, maybe there's someone out there injured, but... but alive?"

You stammer, flustered.

“I don't believe it. You really think they need our help. They are dead. And damn dangerous in the herd.”

You nod in the negative and shout in chorus.

“How can you know if you're standing here? Hell, how do you know who's out there if you're here. Do you always assume the worst?”

“What the ... wait. Wait, kid.”

Ghost turns around and grabs your elbow in a strong and pain-inducing hug

“Do you want to say. No. Fuck. Impossible.”

Ghost's muffled words merge with the loud barking of the dog, which stands uninterruptedly furious in the same place.

“You're suggesting, no... Can't you hear them? Don't you hear that chorus of penetrating squeaks? That cursed sound you hear all night long, reaching the farthest recesses of your brain.”

The man jerks you harder, as if he wants to force an answer out of you.

And you stare at him with fear. Not because of the threat that most likely lurked in the dark recesses of the abandoned building.

But you fear that the truth, which you hide not only under the material of your gloves, will be something that will make the man decide to end your life, just like what he kept in the basement. You know perfectly well what he is capable of.

Because by revealing the truth, you may reveal something that you have been hiding even from yourself. Because when, after a failed suicide attempt and after many days of agony and suffering, you finally came to your senses, you noticed with horror and alarm that the penetrating squeals that accompanied you every night had quieted down.

You didn't hear them anymore.

taglist:

@leviathanleva @chocolate-noodles @vmaxis @poohkie90 @ghostlythots @nobodys-coffee @famouscattale @youdontneedtoknow1226 @pimpinsins @justguessfan @novasilvae @pausbirudanlumbalumba @ella2497 @lunamoonbby @sams-pineapples @tonylagsagne @lurkinwbreexy @azkza @mooseblooddd @mroman0111

#simon ghost riley x reader #simon ghost x reader #simon riley x you #cod #ghost #call of duty fanfic #cod au #ghost x reader #cod ghost #ghost riley #ghost call of duty #call of duty ghost #ghost mw2 #cod x female reader #ghost x f!reader #ghost x female reader #simon “ghost” riley #simon ‘ghost’ riley #ghost simon riley #simon ghost riley fanfiction #dayzero💀

[bogusbyron]

NOW THAT I'M HOME:

Copy pasting les mis notes from today's matinee (30th may) here instead of posting screenshots from my notes app like last time cause i think thisll be easier to read.... There's 73 points and it's LONG so i'll put it under a read more . Go wild hope you find them somewhat interesting. Ignore any errors puhlease 😭🙏

1) Jordan Simon Pollard was on as Javert and he is. Fucking massive. Very imposing. His silhouette on the top of the boat is crazy good

2) Harry Lake as Marius, saw him on may 14th schools matinée, god his voice is gorgeous. As usual amazing

3) the guitar riff in Work Song kind of gets me lol

4) Valjean (Chris Jacobsen) flinching when Javert lifted his hand to pass him the slip. Additionally he has a GREAT voice. Quite gentle

5) The fight where Valjean gets beaten up was a bit awkward lmfao

6) More valjean flinching when the Bishop goes to touch his shoulder

7) chris spitting "thanked him like i should" interesting delivery, quite liked it.... his "took my flight" wasnt as strong is Milan's but whateverrrrrr

8) WILL ALWAYS BE STUNNED BY ADAM PEARCE'S VOICE🔥 THE LOW NOTE ON "BOUGHT YOUR SOUL FOR GOD" YUMM

9) The "I missed" on "I missed it 20 long years ago" was very harsh, as was "mouthful" in "mouthful of bread. LOOOVE thankyou Chris. "any other" in "treated me like any other" apparently was very gorgeous. I dont remember how but thats what I have written. Then i just wrote "Holy shit". He also was sobbing a little bit between "One word from him" and "offers me my freedom" which was lovely. Then i wrote "Chris ate jesus" so thats a high commendment

10) the bassline in At The End Of The Day is so delicious always

11) I kept seeing tom hext and harry lake in the ensemble (it was, uh, a bit thin  male ensemble-wise)

12) synth tones as usual heavenly I LOVE SYNTHESISERS!!!

13) the foreman was northern which was kind of funny #northrepresent

14) i think someone dropped somethijg offstage just before I Dreamed A Dream lmfao

15) Now i know that Fantine's wig cost £4000 i kind of appreciate it more. Doing my part

16) KATIE'S VOICE IS DIVIIIINE the low note she hits on "tear your hope apart" is ssoosooooooo goooode i get goosebumps bro

17) harry lake was the 2nd guy in lovely ladies though thought that was funny. He got his arse slapped on the "if you want to take all year" line . Giggled

18) javert big ass hat with the feather 😭😭😭😭😭

19) he was throwing some bitchy ass glances at the other policeman (who was harry lake. Btw) when fantine was begging whats his problem. His faces were so fun to watch hes so expressive. Hes also delightfully imposing and, as i wrote, "he's kinda fat LOVE"

20)  not very homoerotic at the cart although they did get dangerously close on "brand upon his skin".

21) i loved Jordan's performance honestly, he was very curt and harsh in his lines. Makes you want to cower away when he speaks

22) i cant remember when, but Chris spat a lil during Who Am I ans i wrote "spittin a bit there Chris. Hit that shit"

23) Katie was so wonderfully and convincingly weak for Come To Me ouuhhh my heart

24) I liked the little detail of Valjean looking over his shoulder a lot when he was with Fantine... ughhhghhhhhh

25) THE LOW NOTE JORDAN HIT 🤤🤤🤤🤤 different chainn

26) good strangle. Didnt fuck it up! He was stood up rather than knelt or laid like javert usually is but thats probably a Jordan thing since ive seen Stewart thebother times. He stood up quite fast rather than writing around a bit like stewart does and thenWIPED HIS MOUTH cool whagever. Then valjean kneed him in the balls at the tousle at the end lmfao

27) TOMMMM😍😍😍 i love his thenardier withbhis gruff voice lol. He did a little shimmy on "content to be" looove. I love his gay little dance he does with his pointed toes. And he flashed the gentleman guest at the start. As usual he does the bisexual thing. He flashes everyone again after mme thenardier's "whats happened since" someones gotta stop him bro

28) chris was so gentle with cosette i could cry .

29) tom hext thenardier does this thing where he's asleep when valjean comes in until he says "pay" at which he wakes up with a snort. Love

30) cosette runs to valjean  when he starts reassuring her when the thenardiers are trying to get him to spend more money snd it warmed my heart

31) tom squeaking "monsieur" in "one of our own monsieur" tickled me hes so funny. Also the jazz hands after "christians must do". I did keep getting blinded by his shiny shoe buckles though

32) chris was delightfully harsh on "too long to Forget" get his ass valjean

33) THE HUG AFTERWARDS WAS SOOOOO CUTE VALJEAN WAS CLEARLY SO TOUCHED UGGHHH IT WAS SO LOVELY I LOVETHAT SCENE SO MUCH

34) LOVE YOU HARRIUS his face when he sees cosette is so nice hes so good bruh

35) JAVERT IS HUUGE ITS CRAZZYZYYYYY especially  in that coat and the hat ohmt god dude

36) when thenardier pipes up after valjean runs off from javert he steps forward and gets choked a little itwas great. The way he goes up to javert to lean on him and the slide on his voice on "told you so" as well when he walks backwards lmfaoaoooo

37) stars was GORGEOUS . I mainly made very messy notes on Jordan's inflections during the song because i like the different delivery choices.... "face to face" was quite soft which i liked. The quick slide on "fall in flames" was delish.. hissed "scarce" and "silent" on "silent and sure". HOLY SHIT also his expressions, so good. Stewart is largely kind of deadpan just with a furrowed brow but jordan's face is all over the place its delightful. Also "bars" in "safe behind bars" was SO powerful and low ohhhhh his voice bruh. Bloody hell

38) marius' blank ass stupid ass smile when he offers the money to eponine its so fucking funny

39) i think the foreman is rhe ssame guy as grantaire but i do Not know. He did a silly giggle after "some wine and say what's going on" which i liked

40) i wrote "marius is so [see below image]" which lke ueah he was. Nothing behind his eyes at all. Love you harrius

41) i absolutely LOVE djavan as enjolras hes very engaging and shit i LOVE him . Dont even care about les amis that much but djavan is great at getting me to gaf about enjolras i cant lie. Hes so good

42) i wrote "harmonies. I came" do you hear the people sing getting me good as always

43) cosette was still shaky im so sorry girl i dont like her voice very much😭 great voice very talented her vibrato is just all over im so sorry

44) shamefully, i had to write "cosette your dad fit as fuck"  when he appeared for heart full of love lmfao

45) he was quite harsh on "better unsaid" ..😔 contrasted the otherwise gentle deljveries for the rest kf the show

46) marius looks constantly, like, aghast and bewildered and stunned by the fact that cosette is looking at him and i loved that. Bless him. Love you harry

47) babet always cracks me up whats his deal. Also in attack on rue plumet there was a guitar riff after "why's she hanging about you" giggled

48) felt a bit 4th wall-y when valjean was saying his plan to escape idk. Hello vro❤

49) enjolras' bit in one day more will always fuck. I got goosebumps so bad when he came in bruhhhh. FUUUUUUCCCCKKK I LOVE ONE DAY MORE

ACT 2

50) not much exr chemistry  surprisingly. Tom hext clearly doing the heavy lifting for the enjoltaire fandom

51) AMENA I LOVEYOUUUUUUU GOD HER VOICE IS SO GORGEOUS I LOVE HEERRRRRR goosebumbppsss

52) never getting over the barricade reveal . As a techie the lighting makes me geek the fuck out bro. Id say it gave me a boner but would that be going too far. Anyway the lights were bright and i could finally see clearly what i was writing for a bit lol

53) i wrote "byron for army general 2025 i dont know why because my voice is nowhere as good as that. I am the biggest fan of those bits though its so catchy i love it. They really went harsh on the Guns or DIE!!!!!! looove

54) the only one taller than javert is enjolras and i find this hilarious

55) JAVERT WITH THE DARK RED RIBBON IN HIS HAIR i said "dorothycore" later in the evening. Also his sideeye to gavroche when he was being ratted out was funny

56) HARRY SO GENTLE IN FALL OF RAIN OHHMY GOD DUDE THEIR DUET WAS SO TENDER AND HIS FACE OF DISBELIEF AND SHOCK WHEN EPONINE DIES WAS SO HEARTBREAKING FUCCKKKKK

57) "javert slutty red waistcoat" he had a deep red waistcoat to match his hair ribbon. Ir was kinda unbuttoned off his shoulder when he was dragged back out okayyyyyyyy

58) chris delightfully harsh when he says "give me the spy" yesssss bro yessss

59) NOT AS HOMOEROTIC AS ID LIKED BUT AGAIN  SCHOOLS MATINÉE TUESDAY REALLY SET THE BAR HIGH😭 valjean did grab javert lapels though and hold them until "i'm a man. Held out hope in my soul my psychic mind beams would cause them to kiss like my comic but alas! Also as usual javert very expressive. Yummm.

60) gavroche and grantaire's friendship for evarrrrr. Theyr so fire

61) chris was so lovelyand delightfully soft for bring him home HE ABSOLUTELY HIT THAT SHIT, IF I DIE... BROOO... i thimk i prefer milan still but chris absokutelt did NOT disappoint.

62) did not shit myself this time when gavroche died. Winning

63) djavan's voice as always insanely good its insane dude holee fuck hes so good brugh

64) when grantaire died he qas kinda hanging off the side in a really awkward spot and i think javert stood on him a lil when climbing down the barricade lol. On that note hes still so fucking big its crazy im obsessed. Also Again with the cross over gavroche's body though godbless

65) kind of looked like tom's mic wasnt on his head properly in the sewers but whatever thats just a techie nitpick of mine. He sounded great as usual though no problems just looked a bit odd lol. He kicks marius on "stiffs at my feet" poor guy

66) javert raised his brows and bulged his eyes on "i wont be swayed" i just had to note that because of how good it was. His expressions seriously so enchanting

67) the heavy breathing and kinda growling before soliloquy dude ohhmy gourd. Hell yes brother. His hair was so good too his wig is slightly curly and its like all over his shoulders and shit whenever he brought his chin back it kind of cowled his face and it was delectable . His EYES .............. as a bulging eyes javert truther it was sso good. Great inflection on "i am the law", "valjean", "dominion", "insTEAD"..... soft on "gave me my life" which i LOVED, as well as delivering "heart of stone" in such a deeply sad tone which was so good bro ohhmy god. "Killed me" was very harsh LOVE! he absolutely GROWLED "world of jean valjean" hellooooooooo bruhhh

68) HARRY LAKE WHEN I GET YOU HARRY LAKE. the low notes on "tomorrow never came" get outtttt. "Theres a grief that cant be spoken" whole line got my heart torn apart . He deliverwd it SO emotionally it got me screaminf crying. Also he was kind of harsh on "don't ask me" which i LOOOVED.

69) dont really know how to describe it but chris' valjean i liked himmmm he felt like ? Quite .. mature ? Well duh cause hes like old ass man . He played it wonderfully anguished as he was confessing to marius, got more anguished as he went on until the "who am i" ouuughhhhhhh . He was delightfully desperate and frantic when he was asking marius to keep the secret too, shaking his shoulders a little and all bro ohhhmy

70) HARRY SO HANDSOME IN HIS SUIT 😊😊😊😊🥰 HIS SMILE ALSO i might be a little bit in love with him but what evarrrr lol

71) THE THENARDIERS AS ALWAYS DELIGHTFUL stole the show. Tom's spin when he gets punched by marius omg so good . GAY ASS DANCING .... plus return of the funny little toe dance he does in master of the house. He did a little pose on "paris at my feet" which i loved. The pose:

72) chris' frail voice OUCH. so gentle. He was like muttering into cosette's hair when she kneeled in front of him i was going craaaaaazzzzyyyyyyyyy bro kmsss. The way he delivered the "i will try" was so fucking heartwrenching cause he sounded so earnest and final  and like the smile he gave her ohmy god i was tweaking so bad HRURRYUYYGGGHHHHHH he whuspered "its a story" as he handed her the book. Suicide tomorrow gang⁉️

73) nearly cried i cant lie. NEARLY. i didnt but nearly. Goosebumps on that final note ugh OUGH eugghhh. Anyway yeah final  verdict this cast fucked amen 🌈🌈 harrius and tomardier on top

#les mis #textposts

[justablah56]

SO how is homestuck?

well it sure is Homestuck ahbdjsjsjs I'm really not that far in tho, I keep forgetting to read it ahhdhdnd but I'm getting there ! I'm sure I'll post about it when I get to wherever it actually starts !!

#just blahs #asks #speaking of which i should probably go read it #anyways ill try to keep yall updated on where im at but ive lichrally barely started it (which is my bad) but oh well #seems inchresting tho #homestuck

[adore-gregor]

study smart not hard (altough both is best actually) this saying is so true

#my advice #but this saying is sooo true #i know some people at uni who study for exam so long and hard but then fail or just barely make it :( #like what are you doing? i don't mean this in a mean way but it doesn't have to be this difficult #i don't understand how some people can study for an exam for 2 weeks or even a month and still fail and i don't think they're stupid #or i don't see myself as particulary smart #but i guess they just waste their time a lot and i realized studying effective is so important #now everyone is a bit different and has to find what works best for them but there are certain techniques which are proven to work well #there is so much information on the internet on this look it up seriously #it made my life sm easier i never struggled in uni like i did in school and i get good grades #and if i ever struggled a bit it was because i started so late it was almost impossible to pass 😂 #which is why to do both is still best 😂 #but i actually always made it and i never failed an exam at uni (which i studied for) #(two i was fooled into to just try without studying bc it's easy lol) #i mean i shouldn't speak too soon but i already made it through some of the most difficult of my studies #ofc it depends on what you study how well this works but i'm speaking for myself #i once passed an exam with a B studying only 2 days as one of the best students while others studied 2 weeks #and got worse grades or failed #still studying only 2 days is stupidity don't do it 😅 #so the techniques i find very helpful are ofc exam questions probably the best one #if there are none make your own #then blurting for which there are different ways but i like to just go over a topic and then write down everything i remember #then fill the gaps #quizlet is also great it's an app which allows you to create cards and then tests you in creative ways #videos can be helpful as well for summaries and using summaries in general is normally enough it saves you sm time #normally you don't actually need to know everything but you should be careful it's not a bad summary leaving out too much 😅 #and i also like mindmaps bc i'm a very visual person #but all those tipps are mostly for remembering information so it doesn't work so well for other fields of study #well i hope this is somewhat helpful idk 🙈 #oh and reading texts over and over again is the most useless in my opinion i don't remember much at all and it takes sm time

[myonmukyuu]

comics are a little tiring to produce 😅

#sometimes i think about how it takes me months to produce something #it kind of takes up almost all my free time when im off work zzzzz #like i enjoy it for sure right but then it's like #shit 3 months passed by in the blink of an eye #crazy #the passage of time is horrifying!! #i should work on my speed stat a little more ... #myon speaks #i feel a little bad about being inactive on most of my social media and direct messaging bc of it #it's probably better to strike a better balance! #(this has been: Myon Introspective™) #(its also a lot of labour for something not many people will end up reading; which i also have come to just accept #but it makes me think about it whenever i go full-comic-golbin and disappear into the setsuayu mines)

[kaladinkholins]

hi, it's me. the fic writer that uses culturally-specific idioms in a very different cultural time setting and keeps confusing words like reign and rein. this is my story.

#kkglinka if you see this i salute your willpower for still being supportive even tho i KNOWWW it must get on your nerves LMFAO #the idioms thing tho i am conscious of it probably half the time but i'm like whatever cuz 1. it's fanfic & 2. prose & character voice >>>> #also if the characters are not speaking english but im writing in english then everything's a translation anyway #so that'd mean translating/localising expressions into ones the intended audience will understand #i toe the line a looooot when it comes to this in my novel wip as well cuz for all intents and purposes the charas SHOULD be speaking malay #but since im writing in english i do have to localise a lot of things do you get me #thinking about that book that went “i have to worldbuild my own culture”. i cant remember the book tho #whoops im going on a tangent #anyway #the whole mixing up words thing though i have no excuse for its just bcs i AM an idiot who doesnt proofread and im too lazy to find a beta #which is also why i have a bunch of typos in all my fics WHOOPS #this is Not a vaguepost btw! this is just me rambling and thinking thoughts in my own space like writing in my diary with glitter pen etc #also i Dont think they were even talking abt my fics in particular cuz i know it's v common among lots of fics (+idk if they read my stuff) #BUT i know i am very very guilty of doing this so. LOL #anywayssss!!!! #shut up haydar #on writing.log

[jesterwaves]

my experience with percy jackson is kinda funny in hindsight because reading the first book for the first time i was like 'no way...thalia mentioned!!!!'

#the fool speaks #for clarity - i read the third??? book in elementary school before the others because i needed to get a higher reading level book from #another class and was very shy so they just asked if i wanted percy jackson and handed me the third??? book. it was. as you may have guesse #a tad confusing #and my memory of it is not great thalia was the only character i could really remember. i guess apart from The Percy Jackson. #so anytime they'd talk about the tree and thalia i was like I Know That Tree. I Know That Name #i always wanted to actually read the series from the beginning but never got around to it because a girl in church talked about #how she couldnt even read it anymore because of the gay character #now i am gay and finally reading again! its fun! i love being a nerd again! #(yes i cannot wait to meet nico for real LMAO) #Anyways i finished the first book! love how percy's adhd was portrayed! im going to pick up the second one from my library soonish #if it's in. but i have two books ahead of it an im torn on which book i should read #my heart wants to continue percy jackson but i probably should be getting started on one of these two... #one of them is probably mid at best though T_T #also i do want to watch the movies now that i have read the book so i can understand just why it was disliked. i cannot remember the #movie that well either. the first half of the book seemed pretty similar to what i remembered. the ending was definitely different #i assume thats the majority of the issue? but as i said. cannot remember it that well.

[meringuejellyfish]

i like qifreys way of speaking soo much its so special to me. personally i want more guys who who just speak ever so whimsically in casual conversation and in drastic comparison to those around them. at times its not even whimsy he just says phrases like “yeouch! ooh, that smarts!” and its like. yeah!

#witch hat atelier #rambles #i still like the post i made about the level of whimsy qifrey speaks with goes up depending on how emotional hes feeling #that was funny. Lol #i like how qifrey is used as a means to introduce information to coco (and us #because its not pages upon pages of walls of text one after another. its segments that are common but intertwined well into #the moments they are to appear. and theyre short #and usually accompanied by really lovely fairytale -esque visuals #and it makes sense in the context of his character because hes a professor. he (should) be here to show coco the world #also hes just autistic and loves talking about magic #hes also just kind :-) unless he has to interact with easthies #speech aside hes just generally very dramatic and i enjoy it quite a bit. its silly and also what my inner monologue feels like. so y #some of these panels are from fan translations of which the official one may very well be more flowery-ly written #i just like how a lot of the time he'll go on for a bit talking about magic and then flow back into more normal speech to make sure the kid #hes talking to understood the point he was attempting to make. lol #plagued with the knowledge that wha being a fantasy series and qifrey talking like this is going to equate to probably a british qifrey dub #qifreys speak doesnt read to me like hes fancy or overly pretentious hes just weird #AHH and ollys such a fun character for him to bounce off of because olly is very blunt #and honest and will say what he needs to say. where as qifrey .. #hes not trying to be dishonest but he struggles to talk about. you know #post over jesus christ

[scattered-winter]

woe another tag vent session be upon ye

#one of the girls in my class looks just like her. oh my god. #like im not being dramatic i literally thought it was her in my peripheral vision. #literally almost burst into tears in the middle of the room lmaooooooo #and then for the rest of the day every time i saw someone with her hair color i just saw her. #this shit sucks fr y'all i have never almost cried in public this much #and then i had to drive to pick up some groceries and fuck. #ive never been an anxious driver. i quite enjoy driving actually. #but i literally almost had a panic attack when i first pulled onto the road. i was so fucking anxious the entire time i was behind the whee #someone came up behind me pretty fast and i legit had to pull over to calm down it was so bad #so uh. not gonna be driving for a while lol. gonna kill myself or someone else doing that. #idk. idk i think this has me pretty messed up and i probably will be for a while. idk #my roommates and i finally decorated our living room and it was . fun. we laughed and made jokes and it was fun #but well. predictably i am feeling guilty over having fun now. which sucks ass from every angle #should i probably maybe make an appointment for therapy ???? probably ??????????? #idk. might be good to talk all this out out loud yk. but also i Know i will cry and i dont want to do that. #sigh. anyway. #also predictably i cannot sleep. couldnt last night either. #i might go paint in the living room. i dont know. #anyway if u read this whole rant ily ur earning the veteran's pass to Winter's Breakdown Sessions #winter speaks #personal #grief tag #<- once again if u need to blacklist. will not hold it against anybody i prommy #tw death #tw panic attack

[pepprs]

ok i took a nap sorry for miseryposting

#purrs #i don’t feel better per se but i do feel less angry so i think that’s good. but i did have a fucked up and disturbing dream so now im #focused on that a little bit but it’s whatever. i think i just feel stuck in my life and overwhelmed rn but i have to be gentle with myself #and okay with accepting outcomes that are compromises even if i really don’t want to. but idk. i have to think on it more. and i wish i felt #less lonely bc i KNOW i am not it’s just i have no emotional object permanence and i keep dismantling all my inoculations and then crying #out for more inoculations and i don’t know how to stop. and now im getting upset again typing this so I’m going to stop even though i havent #gotten to the end of my thought yet and like reblog some things or watch a video idk. i really need to find a counselor and speaking of #which i feel like someone told me lately (on here probably and ididnt reply im sorry) that my counseling place should give me referrals to o #other places and they didn’t and maybe it’s bc i told them i was taking a break from counseling but i am kind of like 😐😑. but i’ll figure it #out and find someone. i think there’s a thing i can do through work i just have to gather the spoons to actually do it and i spent all of th #them on the drivers manual today. also i read like half the drivers manual today! which is something to acknowledge. ok im done now bye