#the band that made it was my favourite band in the world Forever

[eightmakesonebraincell]

[fic rec mlist] ot8 x reader | multi x reader

main mlist | next (member-specific)

only general themes and tags are listed - please read through the author's specific tags and warnings

both sfw and nsfw fics are included. minors please dni with nsfw fics and respect the age restrictions put into place by the writers (suggestive, smut, and trigger warnings are highlighted in red)

🩶 favourites

into the aurora | @honeyhotteoks 🩶

pairing: ot8 x reader

genre: idol!ateez x non-idol!reader, fluff, angst, smut, trigger warnings

length: 35/35 chapters [completed] - 208.6k

you didn’t expect to run into choi san outside of the venue, especially when your phone was dead and you were stranded in a random city. a kind offer for a phone charger turns into so much more, and you end up falling into a relationship with all eight members of ateez.

murphy's law | @atzfilm

pairing: ot8 x reader

genre: alien!ateez, soulmate au, angst, fluff, smut, trigger warnings

length: 5/5 chapters [completed] - 98k

according to murphy’s law, everything that can go wrong will go wrong. black holes circle each other until they collide and merge, a cataclysm so fierce, sends ripples soaring through the fabric, crossing thousands of kilometers within a fraction of a second, leaving behind a wave on the space-time continuum. that’s the simplest way you can describe meeting him. and yet, even that is an understatement.

dewdrops at dawn | @sunmoonjune 🩶

pairing: ot8 x reader

genre: demon!au, fluff, angst, heavy suggestive content, trigger warnings

length: oneshot - 17.2k

you’ve never really believed in angels, or anything of the sort, but in a last ditch effort to escape a grave situation – you find yourself to praying for someone - anyone - to come help you.  “wow, you would not believe how fast angels are! I had to fight like six of them to answer your call!” 

oh my *** | @ohmyamor

pairing: ot8 x reader

genre: guardian angel!au, fluff, angst, comfort, near death experiences

length: oneshot - 10.2k

everyone supposedly has a guardian angel, one that’s tasked to always keep their human out of trouble and on the right path of life. but you don’t just have one, you have...eight?!

like the moon | @sunmoonjune 🩶🩶

pairing: ot8 x reader

genre: hurt/comfort, fluff, angst, heavy themes, trigger warnings

length: 17/? chapters [ongoing] - 160k

it’s finally the day of your trial. you’ve been waiting for this day for years. will you succeed and become a warrior your clan can finally be proud of? or will you fail, and be banished from the village forever? 

the rainbow thief | @bluehwale

pairing: ot8 x reader

genre: demigods!ateez, fluff, crack, angst

length: 2/3 chapters [indefinite hiatus] - 5.1k

camp half blood introduces you to a new life — new routines, a goddess as a mom, siblings you've only recently knew about, and of course, the eight friends (or lovers?) you made along the way.

first flight to hongkong | @byuntrash101

pairing: ot8 x reader

genre: flight attendant!reader, smut

length: oneshot - 18.3k

yes, you’re suprised when your company offers you a vacant spot in the vip crew. but “surprised” doesn’t cut it when you discover what kind of service your company provides the vips

front row angel au | @bobateastay

pairing: ot8 x reader, some parts ot8-focused

genre: emo rock band!ateez x fangirl!reader, fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, smut, trigger warnings

length: 6/? parts [status unknown] - 17.9k

nil author synopsis

[new chapter added] misfits | @tainsan

pairing: ot8 x reader

genre: college!au, fluff, angst, smut

length: 13/? chapters [ongoing] - 113.3k

when your world comes crashing down, the only people who are able to comfort you are the notorious group, ateez. you’ve heard rumours after rumours about the eight males who are as cold as ice, yet for some reason, they are the warmest people you know. when they offer you a place to live after your housing is destroyed by a fire, you end up finding out dark secrets that have been hidden for years.

without a trace | @stayarmytinyzenmoa-l 🩶

pairing: ot8 x reader

genre: vigilante!au, action, angst, slight crack, heavy themes

length: 11/11 chapters + 10/10 podcast transcripts [completed] - 98.6k

vigilante work has been outlawed, thus sending nine prominent vigilantes either into retirement or into lower ground and, while some abide by the law, a few continue on. then, one day, a greater threat forces these vigilantes to come together once again, regardless of the law.

pirate king | @chaseatinydream 🩶

pairing: hongjoong x reader, wooyoung x reader

genre: pirate!au, fantasy, romance

length: 90/90 chapters [completed] - 251.8k

life as an amnesiac on board a pirate ship ruled by the one and only pirate king doesn’t seem very promising, but hey, anything’s better than becoming shark food.

this night together | @honeyhotteoks 🩶

pairing: yunho x mingi x reader, ft. seonghwa x san x wooyoung x reader

genre: a/b/o/omegaverse, fluff, angst, smut, trigger warnings

length: 14/? chapters [ongoing] - 126.5k

you’re finally getting your dream job, working with some of the best dancers in the business, but a job change means a break in your healthcare coverage and suppressants these days are expensive. going into heat at the studio pretty much seems like the worst case scenario, but you find yourself in the care of two alphas who won’t let you go through it alone.

not all that glitters is gold | @the7thcrow

pairing: seonghwa x san x wooyoung x reader

genre: action, adventure, fantasy, romance, angst, fluff, suggestive

length: 11/? chapters [ongoing] - 146.4k

as a princess fleeing a royal assassination attempt, you have no choice but to put your trust in a band of three thieves in order to reach the kingdom of kuroku alive. however, amongst magic, deceit, and the bounty hunters that are hot on your trail, you realize that you might have stumbled upon a relationship far more complicated than what meets the eye.

making wishes | @hwaightme

pairing: seonghwa x wooyoung x reader

genre: fluff, established relationship to poly, smut

length: oneshot - 7.0k

making wishes on shooting stars, on burning candles, you wanted one thing to come true. seonghwa and wooyoung are more than willing to celebrate the birthday girl.

outlaw miniseries | @hongism

pairing: yunho x jongho x reader (part iii), san x wooyoung x reader (part vi - coming soon)

genre: outlaw!ateez, dystopian futurism, lore, angst, fluff, smut

length: 3/6 standalone parts [ongoing] - 14.8k

(part iii) ‘two for the price of one!’ the sign outside the shop had read, and well, you’ve never been one to pass up on a good deal.

(part vi) author synopsis coming soon

we ransacked the city | @tenelkadjowrites

pairing: hongjoong x seonghwa x reader

genre: richsnobs!hongjoong and seonghwa, badgirl!reader, angst, smut

length: 5/5 chapters [completed] - 31.4k

five years ago, torn between losing your wealth or remaining friends with hongjoong and seonghwa, you chose money. working on leaving your life of bad behaviour behind you, your days are now spent obeying your parents and playing the good girl in order to keep your inheritance. but when hongjoong and seonghwa suddenly return, everything is thrown upside down…and old habits die hard.

letters to a ruined king | @setsugekka (nb: links to ao3 as fic is no longer available on tumblr. author permission to share received)

pairing: hongjoong x reader, seonghwa x reader, yunho x reader, san x reader

genre: pirate!au, royalty!au, fantasy, romance, action, angst, smut

length: 20/20 chapters [completed] - 150.8k

if there’s one thing you remember as a mantra from growing up in a street thief guild, it’s ‘trust no one but your own, don’t get wrapped up with the wrong crowd.’ unfortunately, these seven pirates and their irate captain have left you with little choice.

as the world caves in (to eden) | @atzfilm (nb: links to ao3 as fic is no longer available on tumblr. author permission to share received)

pairing: hongjoong x reader, san x reader, wooyoung x reader, ? x reader

genre: apocalypse!au, friends to lovers, enemies to lovers, fluff, angst, smut, trigger warnings

length: 11/? chapters [hiatus] - 55.2k

a mysterious virus has taken over the world, resulting in the undead and the new ‘eden race’ of humans. desperately trying to find your brother jongho with your friends, you stumble across another group in an abandoned hospital tent. strangely, they’re looking for him as well.

better than me? | @beahae

pairing: san x reader, ft. seonghwa x yunho x wooyoung x reader

genre: bf!san x reader x bf's best friends!seonghwa yunho wooyoung, smut

length: twoshot - 10.4k

it’s always been just a harmless game, flirting with your boyfriend, san’s, good friends. he’s even in on it. but one night, he starts pushing things further than ever before. 

last updated: 01 april 2024

#loren's fic recs #ateez fic recs #ateez fic #ateez ot8 x reader #ateez x reader #polyteez x reader #hongjoong x reader #seonghwa x reader #yunho x reader #yeosang x reader #san x reader #mingi x reader #wooyoung x reader #jongho x reader #ateez angst #ateez fluff #ateez smut #ateez crack #demon ateez #angel ateez #pirate ateez #abo ateez #criminal ateez #alien ateez #royal ateez #rock band ateez #ateez headcanons

[louloulemons-posts]

weirdly specific I know but what about fem!goth!reader who's been best friends with eddie for years. he thinks he knows everything about her until one day he climbs through her window to hang (bc of course he does, he can't use a door like a normal person, even if her parents aren't home, where's the fun in that?) and finds her rocking out to taylor swift and it turns out shes a massive closet swiftie.

Weird But F-ing Beautiful

Modern!Eddie X Fem!Gothic!Reader

Summary : You were a metal head with a secret, you love Taylor Swift.

Word Count : 1k

(How I imagine Reader would defend Taylor)

Warnings : not proofread, 3am writing (again-pls someone save my sleep schedule), so many taylor references!, swears, petnames, cuteness, eddie and reader are just adorable honestly

~ / / / * \ \ \ ~

You and Eddie had known each other for years now, you’d say he was your best friend in the whole world.

The pair of you had a lot in common, you were both unusual and unique people. You bonded over that, along with your love of bands like Metallica and Black Sabbath.

You’d always liked darker things, loving halloween whilst most liked christmas. Horror movies and true crime documentaries brought you comfort.

Complaining about summer as your dark wardrobe made the heat cling to you, it was just the person you were. But you had a secret, one that even Eddie didn’t know of.

You absolutely loved Taylor Swift. You’d found yourself bopping along to one of her songs that was on the radio and were hooked, owing all of her albums and having them on regularly.

Enter Sandman to All of the Girls you Loved Before was quite the contrast, but you loved it.Walking down the halls to your locker, Lover was playing in your ears.

People who passed you wouldn’t think that, ripped tights, a skirt that went just above your knees, dark top with long flowing sleeves - bat wings Eddie liked to call them.

Fingers and neck decorated in mismatching jewels, huge boots, a corset around your waist and eye liner that took longer than you’d care to admit. Love Story didn’t really look like a song that’d be your favourite.

Arms wrapped around your waist, squeezing you softly. Pulling out an earbud you spoke, “Edward.”

“Hello Sweetheart.”

“What can I do for you?”

“Milkshakes?”

“You paying?”

~ / / / * \ \ \ ~

Sipping on your strawberry shake you chuckled at Eddie, leaning over the table you wiped whipped cream off his nose. “Thank you,” he blushed.

“Don’t mention it Rockstar.”

“Sooo,” he said.

“Hm?”

“I may or may not have gotten two tickets to see one of the best bands of all time, and I was wondering if you’d like to come with?”

“Oh my god One Direction have reunited?” You laughed, “Shut up. Will you come with me?”

“I mean I guess I could free up some time for you,” you smirked, taking another sip of your shake.

“Cool.”

“Cool.”

~ / / / * \ \ \ ~

“Thank you for the milkshake.”

“Anytime Sweetheart, I’ll text you the details of the concert and stuff.”

“Please do. I’ll see you later,” Leaning over and kissing his cheek, cherry red stain being left on his skin.

Heading up to your room, neither of your parents were home yet. Throwing your bag down you put a record on, Taylor.

Humming to yourself as you undid your boots, you decided to start on some homework. Turning up the music and tuning everything out for a while.

~ / / / * \ \ \ ~

Stood in front of your mirror, you began wiping your makeup from your face, eventually singing along. “I remember when we broke up,” you sang softly, humming mainly.

Sliding off your rings and necklaces, your hair being pulled out of your face, comfortable for the night. God how did this woman make these songs so catchy? What was in them?

You couldn’t help yourself, “I used to think we were forever ever …” You put your books away, cleaning your desk, “We are never ever ever getting back together!”

Dancing around your room, you laughed as you spun around your room. These songs just made you so happy, “We are never ever ever ever getting back together!”

“Okay I get the message,” a voice laughed.

“WHAT THE FUCK!” you screamed.

“Wow chill it’s me.” Eddie.

Storming over to your record player you turned it down, Stay Stay Stay playing quietly in the background. “What the fuck are you doing here? How’d you get in?” you shouted.

“Window. Came to bring this back, wasn’t expecting a concert.”

“Oh fuck off Edward,” you huffed, taking a ring out of his hand. Turning away from him and putting it with your others.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to embarrass you. I um didn’t know you liked this music.”

“Well I do, got an issue?”

“No. Just … do you actually like metal or was that just umm …”

“I like both okay? Sometimes I just want to feel like a happy, silly teenage girl. Her music helps me do that, or if I need to cry, or fall in love or anything really. I love metal, I didn’t lie!”

“Okay. I believe you. She’s cool.”

“You think?”

“Well you like her, so she must be.”

“Shut up,” you smiled.

“I’m serious. Teach me the way of Taylor Swift,” he grinned, dropping on your bed.

“Well thats 10 albums, and then there’s Taylor’s versions.”

“God you’re a proper little nerd.”

“Says the one who loves D&D,” you smacked him lightly.

“I’m not saying she’s bad! I like that one umm … Enchanted?”

“Yes! It’s her newest re-release, god I love that album and 1989s out soon as well.”

“Slow down babe, you’re losing me.”

“Sorry, so um Enchanted?” you asked, standing up, pulling the vinyl out of its case, replacing it on the record player. The song played softly. “It’s beautiful.”

“It is,” you smiled, turning back to Eddie. “Thank you for bringing my ring back, where was it?”

“My van, must have fallen off.”

“Or you stole it.”

“Me?” You nodded.

“Don’t think it’d fit Sweetheart.” The chorus played, and Eddie began to hum along, standing to be in front of you. “I like this other side of you.”

“Thought you’d make fun of me.”

“I’d never. I like all parts of you, this might be my new favourite, maybe we can see her concert.”

You snorted, “You willing to sell a couple organs?”

“For you, I do anything.” You smiled up at him softly, he nudged your nose with his.

“As Taylor said, I was Enchanted to meet you,” he smiled, leaning down to press his lips to yours.

~ / / / * \ \ \ ~

A/N : This was so fun to do! I just jammed out to Taylor the whole time and it was great. Thank you so much for this request I hope you enjoyed it 🤍

Thank you so much for reading! Please leave any requests 🤍

#eddie munson #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x yn #joe quinn #joe quinn imagine #eddie stranger things #eddie x fem!reader #eddie x you #eddie x reader #eddie x y/n #joseph quinn imagine #joseph quinn #taylor swift #imagine #strsnger things #steve stranger things #stranger things #fluff #request #louloulemons

[agendabymooner]

own my mind || dr3 fic

daniel ricciardo x ofc (måneskin member!ofc)

prequel to the rush series

“do you wanna know what good, good, bad things all feel like?”

Summary: It took Lorelei Hester Alessandro, or Lester, almost six Italian Grand Prix races to come across Daniel Ricciardo once more. Sure, she was hesitant to speak to him regardless of the fact that she was his fan but the McLaren driver was certain he’d rather cause a stir in the F1 community with her after his win in Monza than celebrate his victory with a lot of people. OR the second close encounter between the two of them most unhinged people of F1.

Content warning: Use of explicit language, Big Ric Energy™, RBR!Daniel mentioned, alcohol consumption

Note: Self indulgent fic mostly. Make sure to catch up with the rush series or read this first before going ahead with the whole series! This is basically introduction to the relationship of Lester and Danny. enjoy xx

masterlist

2021 — PRESENT

It wasn’t everyday Lester got to value something like this wrapped around her neck like a jewelry from a parure. She supposed that being a Eurovision winner, alongside her best friends, would do that to anyone. 

Because she couldn’t afford this and this was just a chance that she took — a risk. It wasn’t everyday she got to support her country’s racing team in the front row. The Paddock Club pass on her neck was a dream come true, indeed, but being a guest of Scuderia Ferrari because their driver was a fan of the band you’ve built from the ground up? 

Yeah she was living THE dream. She wished that it would stay like this forever.

“Non bere troppo! È solo l'inizio della gara,” Don’t drink too much! It’s only the start of the race. Her friend Ethan stated, his slender fingers reaching for her glass as she glared at him. Lester downed the rest of her champagne.

“It’s a qualifying, idiota,” Lester rolled her eyes. “What could possibly be exciting about this?”

“I piloti che potrebbero ottenere la pole position? È eccitante, non credi?” The drivers who might get the pole position? That’s exciting, don’t you think? Damiano said. “Are you okay, Lo? You’ve been looking so foul ever since we got here today.” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Lester waved off, pretending as if she hadn’t come across a certain Australian who definitely paid attention to her earlier. 

The fact was that he hadn’t just paid attention — he made some offhanded comments about inviting her to his driver’s room and the paddock area of McLaren. Maybe it was a bad idea to look around in awe after living your childhood dream of being known in the F1 world because even your favourite driver would want to fuck you if you looked extremely hot and adorable at the same time. She didn’t even want to see Daniel Ricciardo in that sense. She liked his driving and she made him her favourite driver of this generation. 

It was a shame that was the first thing he said since 2015. Not that he remembered. But Lester certainly had. 

2015 

It was a good idea her boss was a close friend of the owner of the bar because she wouldn’t have found herself in this place. Where the drivers are now. 

She tried to put on her best clothes — a black lacy bodysuit, leather pants and the most expensive Gucci shoes that her sister Nora had lent her for the weekend. She didn’t think to tell anyone what the brand of her clothes were as to save face in front of people who could pay her rent; the pants she wore were thrifted and the bodysuit was an off season clearance item from Victoria’s Secret. She never told anyone about it.

She barely made it to Monza because of the lack of money she had. University and being a musician did a number on her. She might as well sell her soul just to see Daniel Ricciardo in person. 

Lester had gotten in touch with the owner and did the best she could to keep things low key. Her friend Thomas was the one who had taken her to the club to avoid any further trouble that could be possibly caused by her fangirl behaviour.

But it wasn’t exactly her potential freakouts that would lead her to him. 

At first she didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. She was calm and collected — she apologized as much as she could and cleaned up everything she had to clean up. But then, Toro Rosso’s Max Verstappen decided to make things harder for the both of them and had gotten into a quarrel about not watching her way and how irritated he is. 

“You don’t look like you could smile anyways,” said Lester as she turned away and cursed, “Insufferable bastard.”

A gasp behind her echoed through the crowded loud room. All while Lester listened to the steam coming out of Max’s ears.

“What did you call me?” Max asked angrily, but Lester was walking away. “Oi! I’m talking to you!”

“And I’m not trying to,” Lester spewed out, “I’ve seen you before. Toro Rosso right? You’ve no personality— it’s no wonder why I like Sainz over you.” 

“Sec—“

“Max no,” Carlos Sainz backed up the Dutchman before turning to Lester and Thomas, who was now holding back the bassist.

“Is that why you’re always frowning? Because you can’t even smile even if someone begged you to,” Lester retaliated, making Max turn even more red.

“Security—“

“Max, what’s wrong, mate?” That voice froze Lester to the core. No way. 

But her suspicion was right because by the time she turned back around, a familiar figure stood next to the Dutchman with cocktail in hand. Shit. She was picking a fight at the same room as Daniel Ricciardo. 

So much for a good impression.

“She’s—“ 

“I’d pick your words wisely because I don’t take shit from men regardless of how well known they are,” Lester didn’t even care about the Australian person knowing that she’s got a bigger problem she called Max. 

“Look, listen—“ Daniel spoke up, staring at Lester as he smiled and put a hand in front of Max. “I apologize on his behalf—“

“What—“

“I don’t obviously know what happened but I hope we can put it past us. No? This is the first time Max’s been out and he just doesn’t want to ruin his own night,” Daniel had put on his best smile and Lester could just tell that he did it to not cause any more issue within the Red Bull team. 

“I’m obviously more than willing to,” Lester’s accent thickened as she glared at Max, “but that asshole’s trying to pick a fight. I cleaned up everything already!” 

“And I appreciate that,” Daniel turned towards Max and Carlos, “Look, lads. Just— stay out of trouble, alright? Just walk away from the scene and act as if you hadn’t done something stupid. I’m cleaning up your mess, just walk away. Don’t hassle the lady and her friends.” 

Lester continued to glare at Max. Dío mio, he was so annoying for a driver who does well, she thought. The Dutchman huffed before he walked off with Carlos Sainz. But when Daniel turned back, Lester and her friend had already walked away too. She hadn’t wanted to embarrass herself further in front of the Australian. 

“Miss!” Lester had surprisingly heard his voice while the crowd remained loud, especially when she was so drawn by Toto’s girlfriend, Tilly Hearth’s presence as she spoke to the Italian girl with a grin about her newest novel. She had been a fan of Tilly ever since she entered the formula one world last year, but Daniel Ricciardo’s voice was familiar and it had her turning around. 

He held his hand out with a wide grin, “Come dance with me!” 

“So rude of you Daniel,” Tilly scoffed jokingly, “I’m talking to the girl.”

“It’s to make up for Max’s attitude,” Daniel winked at the Italian, making Lester blush. “Us Red Bull drivers should be acting with decorum, so it’s only fair I make it up on his behalf no?” 

“I—“ Lester offered Tilly a meek smile, “Thank you for chatting. I appreciate it. Grazie, Signora Hearth.” 

“Yes, of course,” the older woman waved off, “I’ll see you around, yes?” 

Then her night started there and the love she had for Daniel Ricciardo strengthened. It was too bad it took her six years until she realized how shitty he could get. But it also took Daniel six years to realize that the love he could’ve had was the girl who had nearly been kicked out of the bar.

2021 — NOW

Now, Lester wasn’t a saint; she had her fair share of shittiness. She had ghosted people before, hell she even blocked some. But to be brought from Ferrari to McLaren just so Daniel Ricciardo could chat her up — years or so after blocking her — was just borderline asshole-ish of him. His cockiness radiated while he asked for her name, trying to offer her a good conversation as if she hadn’t been here before. 

It was more baffling that he didn’t remember her from six years ago when he danced wildly with her after the race. But it wasn’t Lester’s place to remind him, only huffing out in annoyance and losing her faith in him as he tried inviting her to his driver's room. 

“Sei fottutamente serio in questo momento?!” Are you fucking serious right now. Lester scoffed at him as Daniel’s eyes widened in shock. “Uomo stupido! Stupido, stupido, stupido uomo ingenuo!” Stupid man! Stupid, stupid, dumb naive man! 

“I’m sorry, what—“

Lester glared at him before saying, “I knew coming here in this area is a mistake. I’m a fan of yours, you know? All those years ago, I thought you genuinely were kind for offering a good dance.” She pressed a finger in his chest, “But you are like all of them, Mr. Ricciardo. Inviting me to your room so you can have a good head? You. Are. Fucking. Stupid.” 

“I’m inviting you to our paddock area…?” 

“I am a Ferrari guest— and A PART OF TIFOSI!” Lester exclaimed. “Besides, I’m a bassist of this year’s Eurovision winner, so you’re not the only one who’s famous.” 

“Lorelei—“ 

“I’m ABBA style popular, “Dan!” I’m not gonna fuck you for a paddock pass!” Lester’s mouth barely stopped as she muttered swear words in Italian and walked past him. That was the second time Daniel Ricciardo had witnessed some sort of confrontation with her, so when this did happen it stuck to him and realized who she was. 

Another woman approached Lester for the third time today and it was beginning to bother her. The said woman wore a papaya shirt, making Lester frown lightly before the woman could ever speak. The bassist spoke as politely as she could “If this is about your driver, please don’t bother. I really do not want to cause more problems with him. He needs to focus on minding his business.”

“Daniel would really like to apologize,” the woman emphasized, “he wouldn’t shut up. We really don’t want to make a bad impression to you guys and we can’t have our drivers act so badly towards you.” 

“It’s alright,” Lester waved off. It really wasn’t. It annoyed her that Daniel didn’t see her as a musician but rather a groupie. “Just… tell him to focus more on his race. He can live.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to go try and speak to him again?” Ethan asked, “You’ve always wanted to see him up close.”

“That might have been the case before but there’s a fine line between being seen as a fan and as a groupie you can take back to your drivers room,” Lester told her friends quietly. It turns out that she wasn’t as quiet as she thought, because the mouth of the woman in the papaya shirt gaped open just as she dropped the bomb. 

Then the woman said, “I am so, so, so sorry for that. God, that man and his mouth— don’t worry, Miss Allie, he is getting an earful after the qualifying and we’ll make sure he’s going to— God! Sorry, I’ve to go see him. I’ll touch base with your manager before you leave tomorrow after the race. Is that okay? Good. Enjoy the race, Miss Allie, Misters David, Raggi and Torchio.” 

Lester turned back to her friends with a confused frown, which was met with their own reactions once that the woman sped away. She mumbled, “So weird. It’s really not a big deal.”

“It is,” Damiano replied, “especially if that’s how they reacted. Anyone wouldn’t have cared much so clearly your issue with Daniel is a big deal.” 

Thomas: We’re partying with the drivers tomorrow. Charles Leclerc invited us.

Lester: Awesome I guess. 

Maybe a part of her was still a fan of the Honey Badger. She couldn’t fathom telling him that though, still feeling humiliated by the way she reacted and how he perceived her yesterday. 

All she could do was stare up at him as he celebrated his Monza win as his champagne bottle sprinkled on his fellow podium mates. Everyone celebrated him despite the disappointment of Ferrari not being in the P1 position. Everyone celebrated Daniel Ricciardo because he’s still Daniel Ricciardo. 

The way he stuck his tongue out while the champagne rained over the audience below the podium did a number on Lester as her pupils had blown in excitement and… lust? She wasn’t sure.

She felt something when his dark eyes glossed over hers and stopped looking around altogether. His grin remained on his face, but he was a man with a plan to apologize eventually. 

Sprinklings of the alcohol soaked her blazer partially as her friends finally made their way to the garages to check on the drivers. They spoke to Charles and Carlos once more and thanked the duo for a good race. Her mind was still elsewhere when she spoke to the two, her eyes scanning the pit lane to catch a glimpse of the Australian. 

No luck. But she wasn’t actively seeking him nor should she do anything about him. 

Her pinstripe waistcoats hugged her figure tightly alongside the flared pants that matched the fabric of her top, collars popping off as her petite body emphasized every single curve that she had. The boots that she wore increased the possibilities of being seen by the winner, but she didn’t think to care that much about him. 

She thanked her footwear and her dark red lips for catching his attention, though. 

Daniel Ricciardo was keen on celebrating his win with his peers. He opted for cocktails at first, but then the dance floor called for hard liquor for courage as he finally placed his glass down and walked towards the bassist. 

“Miss Alessandro!” The bassist, who already took her first drink, turned around to face Daniel Ricciardo. For someone who claimed to be a big fan of his, she didn’t think to care for him now— and he liked that about her. She wasn’t intimidated and she was more confident after painting her lips blood red. 

“Ah! Signor Ricciardo,” Lester smirked lazily, not even making it less obvious that she was taking his presence in slowly as she spoke, “Hai fatto bene nella tua gara. Congratulazioni.” You did well on your race. Congratulations.

Her Italian accent left him stammering a little as he lost his mind at how sultry it was. “A- ah yes. Personally- I don’t speak Italian- I’m half but I don’t speak it. But I can understand the congratulations part- so thank you.” 

“Hm,” she eyed him up and down before sipping on her champagne. The fact that she looked away somehow bothered him. He wasn’t sure if it was his ego or her attention— he was just bothered that she wouldn’t pay attention to him. 

But he was good at mind games too. Well… that’s if she was playing it. “Listen, have I ever told you that you’ve the Italian charm that my Dad used to tell me about?” 

“Really?” Lester giggled, not because of how Daniel worded it. She was laughing at the fact that of all the things he could’ve went with, he went with this. 

“My Mum used to tell me that’s how Dad fell for her,” Daniel smirked, now sitting next to her before he spoke to the bartender about the champagne they had for him. “How about I tell you more about it?” 

“Well… considering how you’ve treated me a few days ago, I don’t think it’s the Italian charm that kept you going,” Lester leaned over, her lips nearing his ear as she whispered, “You know what I think? It must’ve been the adrenaline and ego of a talented driver that told you to chase after me. Sad to say, I’m not the one night stand kind. I don’t even like parties like these— I’d rather be drinking alone but what else can a woman do?”

She hadn’t even seen the bartender approach the two as she stood, her tipsy face sobering up as she grabbed her purse. But just as she turned down the chance of standing too close to her favourite driver, Daniel pulled her back by the wrist as he offered her a pleading look.

“Look, I’m sorry I left a bad impression on you the other day,” those words definitely sobered her up. Daniel said through a wild loud crowd, “I was just hoping for some one-on-one time with you but clearly that didn’t work out.” 

“You worded it as if I wanted to fuck,” Lester pointed out.

“I know, I know,” Daniel told her guiltily before admitting, “it was wrong— like really, really wrong. My PR manager wasn’t joking when she said I wanted to apologize yesterday.” 

She stopped fighting against the restraint he had of her, standing there dumbfounded as she said, “Wow… uh… okay. Thank you for apologizing.” 

“And uh,” he scratched his head as he gestured at the full bottle of champagne in front of them, “if you’d like we can finish this whole bottle together? No, no funny intention— I swear to you. We’d have more privacy in the hotel and we’ll have a decent champagne tasting experience. You won’t have to deal with anything. Just let me make it up to you.” 

She stared at him for the moment. At first she was hesitant; this was Daniel Ricciardo— HER favourite driver Daniel Ricciardo. All those years of being a formula one fan taught her enough about him and how to love him, so to see him up close? This was a dream and a joke. 

After all, he did block her back when she’d spam tweet him. She didn’t obviously blame him for that; but he was still Daniel Ricciardo. He was world famous. 

But then again, in Europe and possibly around the world, she too was popular. What did she have to lose? She wanted to know what good and bad things felt like when they’re mixed together. 

“Sure,” she beamed, making his eyes light up in joy as he stood excitedly. “I’d like to get to know you as Daniel.” 

“I hope you have some stories to tell,” Daniel said, “because I’ve been wondering who Lester is ever since she came to the paddock.” 

“Lorelei,” she introduced herself, “or Lori. Lester’s just for the music and concerts. If you want to know who I am then I’m Lori.”

“Good, then call me Danny.” 

This wasn’t the kind of bad and good thing that she expected. 

Waking up next to him definitely felt great, with her manicured nails trailing down his bare chest as she slowly woke up from her slumber. His soft breathing was peaceful. Fuck that felt great. 

Her eyes’ insistence to stay shut definitely hadn’t helped her as she groaned quietly. The sunlight that passed through the blinds called for her awakened presence. She had an incoming headache. This was bad.

No… waking up next to Daniel Ricciardo naked was. But just as she opened her eyes wide and looked down, the sigh of relief escaped her mouth. She didn’t have sex with him. 

“Mmmm… ‘m just half naked,” he murmured, not even looking at her as he kept his eyes shut, “we didn’t… no I’d never do that to you…”

“Oh,” she said softly, but her voice was raspy as she slowly sat up and looked at him while she nodded to herself, “Good… we didn’t have sex. Good.” 

His phone was blowing up for god knows how long now, and with her phone, at 21% charge, going off as well she’d never been this annoyed with waking up until now. She wanted to throw her phone so bad if it hadn’t been for her twitter going off. 

Endless texts came from Damiano, Thomas and Ethan as they begged her to answer or check her twitter. 

She understood why they were like that. It wasn’t everyday she got to see herself posing lewdly — but not naked — in front of a camera while drunk. No wait— she never got to see herself pose like that on Daniel Ricciardo’s twitter page. 

“Oh fuck…” she muttered, running her red nails through her hair as she shook Daniel awake. “Ricciardo, wake up.” 

“Hm?” His eyes opened for a moment to read the tweet on her screen before drifting off. But the realization nearly had his eyes popping out as he sat up, “Shit!”

“Look, I really don’t like the thought of causing more scandal for you… or me,” Daniel finally gathered his thoughts after he had a long conversation with his PR manager and Lester’s own. He had freshened up and gave Lester some spare clothes, shying away from her after the embarrassing incident of tweeting while drunk last night. 

His meekness, however, was something of an amusement for Lester as she continued to chuckle quietly. The Daniel Ricciardo that Lester had seen on TV was the cocky and funnily confident one — so seeing this version of him was some sort of an honour, if you would ask her.

He continued, “And after all of this I don’t think you’d want to see the guy who made your career miserable but seriously I’m sorry—“

“Why wouldn’t I want to see you again?” Lester cut him off with a cheeky smile, “after all, we have to figure out how to get back to the graces of your fans and mine, no? What’s better than to do it together?”

Daniel, for the third time, was rendered silent. God, she was so divine. 

“So… what do you think?” 

“About… OH! Shit, yes,” Daniel cursed underneath his breath, making the Italian woman giggle loudly as he said, “Would you like to meet me sometime next week? I’ve got accommodation in Monaco. I'd really kill for a… date. With you.” 

“So not just for PR reasons?” She raised a brow in amusement.

“Definitely not,” Daniel shook his head. “I think I haven’t won fully until you say y—“

“Yes, that sounds good,” Lester exclaimed as she beamed heavily. “A date it is.”

He beamed back, “Good. I… Shit. Sorry— I’ll make sure you won’t be disappointed with me, Lori.”

“And I look forward to it, Danny.”

Good God. 

She was what good and bad things felt like altogether. 

#formula one imagine #formula one fic #formula one x oc #formula one fanfiction #f1 fic #f1 imagine #f1 fanfic #red bull racing imagine #daniel ricciardo imagine #daniel ricciardo x ofc #daniel ricciardo au #daniel ricciardo x oc #daniel ricciardo fluff #daniel ricciardo fanfic #dr3 x reader #dr3 imagine #formula one au #f1 au #danny ric x oc #danny ric x reader

[universe-friday]

EXCERPT #20:

Hello. I hope somebody is listening.

[...]

RADIO: Best night of my life! I still can’t believe it happened.

THALIA: Just another casual Friday night for me, really.

RADIO: How can you say that?! We watched the same performance, right? And from backstage?! It’s been so long since I’ve been in the front row at one of their concerts, never mind being able to stand and watch them from the stage! And to have a clear view of the drummer?! Seriously! How rare is it to get a proper view of the drummer at a concert, even if you’re in the front row? I have told you my favourite member is the drummer, right? Their style is so cool, not just musically but also with their clothing... Ah! I should’ve asked them where they got that one shirt- right, no, so there was this one performance they did, at this festival… Somewhere. I can’t remember exactly where, but the drummer was wearing this T-shirt… and honestly, I’m not even exaggerating, I’ve been searching for it forever! They must’ve made it themselves, or something…! I’ve seen similar styles but… It just doesn’t look like the real thing, you kno- … Why are you looking at me like that…?

THALIA: [While grinning] Nothing… [Clears throat], no, hah, really… Nothing. It’s just… You’re really excited. It’s cute…!

RADIO: Wha… What! Oh! Ah, um, thanks…?! …Sorry, I was ranting, I should’ve stopped myself. I didn’t mean to annoy yo-

THALIA: Oh! Oh, no, no. I wasn’t being sarcastic… I mean it. I love watching you be passionate about something. From this silly band to someone like your February… I could listen to you talk for hours about anything and never get bored. I’m almost jealous of you, old sport.

RADIO: Silly...?! Wait! Hey! That’s my thing…! You don’t get to call them old sport! Since when did you take over my job?

THALIA: Since two minutes ago when you murdered any potential listeners out of boredom from your rantings…!

RADIO: Wha-! You just said…! What happened to finding me interesting?

THALIA: I never said it was a universal opinion…

RADIO: How cruel…

THALIA: It’s a cruel world, darling. Especially in the City… You should know that more than anyone else…!

RADIO: I do… I would never have accused you of such a heinous comment, Thalia.

THALIA: Oh, Radio… Now how could you assume that…?

RADIO: I…

THALIA: Sorry… Go back to what you were talking about! Something about some T-shirt…?

RADIO: [Clears throat, chuckles] Yes! Um… Yes, right-

[...]

#aled last #alice oseman #frances janvier #osemanverse #radio silence #universe city podcast #carys last #february friday #original work #universe city #universe friday excerpts #universe city excerpt #letters to february #universe friday #osemanverse books #original fiction #original story #daniel jun #hstv #aled and frances

[lightflame]

Tagged by @bagadew (Also tagging in @waermeflasche because you tagged me weeks ago and I didn't get back to you)

Last song I listened to: Soap by The Oh Hellos. I burn CDs and listen to them in my car. (The first few I tried to give themes and titles, and select the perfect song orders, but ended up kind of bad and the other was cursed and wouldn't play even though I remade it three times, so I just switched to throwing a ton of songs together on "Random Mixes" and enjoying.) I was listening to my very first random mix on the drive home from work and this one came up. It's a pretty snazzy song. I think Theseus and Hello, My Old Heart are my favourites from the band.

Last book I read: Can I do a couple? I just recently finished Play of Shadows by Sebastien de Castell. It's the first book of Court of Shadows, the sequel series to his Greatcoats series. Greatcoats is one of my favourite series, filled with swashbuckling action, clever humour, and an absolutely miserable protagonist, Falcio val Mond, who always manages to get back up and keep going anyway. I read everything de Castell writes, and after a string of books with severe pacing problems (check out The Malevolent Seven for a book that doesn't have a second act) and other problems (I have a hard time seeing any book topping Crucible of Chaos as the worst book I've read this year), he finally seems to be back. The book didn't pack quite the emotional punch of some of his other books, but it definitely made me want to jump up and cheer for the heroes at the end.

The other book I just finished is The Warm Hands of Ghosts by Katherine Arden. I liked her Winternight Trilogy (look it up and be prepared for some absolutely gorgeous covers, with prose to match), so I was excited to see something new from her. This book was about World War I, with some fantasy elements used for magic realism. (Portraying a soldier's struggle with addiction and PTSD through the lens of him losing his soul to the devil was a brilliant idea.) I most subsist on a steady diet of fantasy books, but this one had me hungering to read a few more historical books. I might have to pick up some books about the Halifax Explosion.

Last film I watched: I haven't watched much on my own for a while, but my friends do a movie night every Sunday. The last two times I tuned in, we watched Jesus Christ Superstar and Pokemon 3: Spell of the Unown. They were both fairly cute movies. I liked Judas's actor.

Last TV series I watched: I've been making my way through The Office for the first time. I'm on Season 3 and this happened to me, actually. There was some stuff I was like, "Wow, that was funny. I should tell my coworkers about it," but then I realized that I can't be the guy who tells his coworkers about this funny new show called The Office.

Last video game I played: If visual novels count, Umineko. I've been working my way through it slowly for about five and a half years and I'm finally closing in on the end. It's peak fiction and the greatest love story of the twentieth century. It's also funny I picked a game this insanely long for my first visual novel. Other than visual novels, I just finished Pokemon Legends: Arceus, after putting in 104 hours this year. Completing the Dex is my favourite part of any Pokemon game, so having it be more involved and include a big checklist made the game basically crack for me. I've also been casually playing some Star Wars: Battlefront II (2005) with my brother. Every time we play it, I'm always amazed by how good it is and how much content it has. I want to take command posts forever.

Last thing I googled: "Dandadan Aira". I just started the manga the other day and I like her best, so I wanted to double check her full name, I think? Other than that I'm mostly looking up when books are available at my local stores. I've been religiously checking when The Book that Broke the World will be available and I'm not even sure if I'm buying it.

Last thing I ate: A few snacks from my snack drawer. I also had a Quaker yogurt bar at work. I bought a big box of them last year, but I had to throw them out because of the Salmonella. (Chewed through a lot of them before that came out, though, including eating three on an airplane.)

Amount of sleep: Supposedly seven hours, since I went to bed right after finishing The Warm Hands of Ghosts last night. The only problem is that if I get to bed at a good time, I sleep fitfully, so I'm either sleeping poorly or sleeping well, but not getting anywhere near enough sleep.

Currently reading: I started Empire of Silence, the first book of The Sun Eater by Christopher Ruocchio, at work today. I've had the first three books sitting on my shelf for a year or two and I finally got around to starting it. (I'd resolved to do both this series and Kushiel's Legacy this year, after having both for so long, and I got that one done at the start.) I'm not very far in, but I enjoy the writing style a lot, even if a lot of the worldbuilding is obviously cribbed from Dune. (Whoa, look, mentats.) I've heard it picks up a lot in the second book, so I'm excited for what's in store for me.

Passing this on, I'll tag @somerunner @lyssq @soulsinshadow @lunawithsocks and @dancerladyaqua. (They also have currently watching and sweet, salty, or savoury as questions, which I didn't do.)

[kingscourthouse]

This is a Ren Cinematic Universe moment

Did a quick update on my Ren designs. Note: King RenTheKing isn't included because I don't see him as someone separate from ren himself. Grimm (Demised RenBob) is my own mini au I guess? Don't really know what he would be, but I like to imagine him n Grim are a team in killin'.

If anyone cares, details on them below!

Base things on all of them: All of them have some sort of enchanted band on them with protection. If they were to remove it, they would just be some big dogs. (This way I get both Ren and dog Ren >:D)

Have you seen those glasses without the arms just pinch to your nose bridge? Yeah, they kinda need them. Dog ears lol.

They all have diffrent versions of Ren's facial hair. Obvi Grimm's is based on Renbob's and the others are based on Ren's. Example, Red still has the same shape of stubble like ren, but his is much thicker and a bit messier like his hair.

Their hand nails are all diffrent too if that counts.

Ren: Legit just basic Ren Diggity Dog. Pan flag colours on his ear peircings. Leg coverings are layers of leather that button in the back to keep them from being too damaged while working. Prot band is on his left arm. It's made of netherite so it can't be destroyed...unless he runs into a cactus. Very fluff, is a good boy.

Red (King): Still grey from the death games and curse, but has a bit of colour unlike the demised. His hair is much messier and a bit longer than Ren's. Ears are more pointed like a wolf. When Ren was King, Red made his crown and cape for him. Red still thinks he's better though. Slacks are tighter fit around his knees for movement. ROYAL BLUE BABY- Not a chestplate, but has gold plating around his neck and shoulder that holds his cape. Gold cuffs on his feet because he hated the lack of movement with full leg coverings. Gotta protec those toe beans. Cape is pinned to his sleeve so it moves with him. Very elegant. Prot band on his left hand is a gift from Martyn. Has his symbol so he may always protect his king in some form. Martyn also learned the hard way that Red's cape is basically a giant weighted blanket. How the hell does he carry that?!

(Ren) Bob: Sometimes the hermits call him Rob. Basically a Timmy/Jimmy situation. Again, just basic RenBob. Very flowy clothing. His necklace is a crystal gifted from Impulse back in season 6. He also has earrings made from Grian's feathers he'll wear. They tickle sometimes though, so it's not often. No leg protection. Wants to "Be connected to the world" or whatever he said. Most of his jewlry is wooden. The wooden earrings pull his ears down a bit, but he likes the floppy ears anyway. Prot band is wooden braclet on his right arm. He has a wide variety of goofy cardigans. The egg one is one of his favourites.

(Link to the actual cardigan if you want it)

Grim (Dog): Demised Ren. Kinda like the life games, he has a thirst for death. Maybe not as intense, but he'll sometimes be in a hunting mood. There are tallymarks on his arm are a count of how many he's killed. He's very grateful for the respawn system, he can play these games forever now! Loves very outgoing deaths. Explosions and fireworks are his favourite. NEVER TRUST HIM WITH A CROSSBOW. Prot band is a choker hidden by his hood. Died from fall damage. In death, he invent footwear better than featherfalling to keep him from perishing like that again. (Think long fall boots from Portal. They're shock absorbers.) Has a fear of heights, but he'll never admit that to you. Eyes may look like pure white, but you'll see his iris in a dark room. The iris and pupil glow white, the sclera don't. And yes, his glasses are the shape of coffins.

Grimm (Bob): Demised RenBob! (Rob???) Also gets the urge to kill but prefers not to. When he does, it is much quieter deaths like drowning or suffocation. Grimm prefers to follow around Grim and tend to the dead. Arranging graves, leave flowers, tag you with how you died, that's all him! Died by suffocation. Nobody knows how but Grim. Doesn't talk very much. The most you'll hear is him muttering prayers to the dead. Sometimes he'll also just say a single word and scare the daylights out of somebody. Prot band is a choker beneath his hood aswell. Eyes are just like Grim's; You won't see his iris, but it's there. May not have the weird cardigans like his counterpart, but a few hermits are a fan of his glasses. Tango loves the X glasses. Reminds him of cartoons!

That's all I can think of right now. Any questions? Feel free to ask!

(Suggest more silly cardigans for renbob and I might draw them)

#renthedog #the red king #renbob #Rob??? #grimdog #grimmdog #THE BROTHERS GRIMM??? #The dogs grimm #rentheking #still can't tag well #we'll get there #maybe... #hermitcraft #trafficblr #inthelittlewood #uhhhh #eggs? #kings art

[legoflowrs]

flowers can you some Stan headcanons🤭🤭🤭

HEADCANNONS

Stan Marsh

AGED UP TO 18 PEEPS

cw: drinking, smoking, drugs, abuse, slight nsfw, addiction

a/n: hehe i hope u like this ruby!!! also this is for anon and @wonyoungies-world that also requested stan head cannons <3

also again same with kyle in the regular head cannons style are together but in the relationship ones he’s with reader!

- Ok I have like two versions of Stan in my head. football Stan and emo loser Stan. I love both versions a lot lmao.

- Stan has a shitty relationship with his Dad. He loathes him for moving him away from his friends to tegridy farms. His Dad was very absent in his life so Stan has always felt extremely neglected.

- He absolutely adores Sharon . He’s such a mummas boy. He goes to her for everything.

- Stan is THE bisexual queen lol!

- His closet is just oversized sports tees and baggy jeans.

- I think his family is catholic but he isn’t a religious person at all.

- He had a weird relationship with Shelly growing up but as teenagers Shelly took Stan under her wing because she saw how Randy’s neglect affected him.

- He’s absolutely petrified of turning into Randy.

- Bleaches his hair at 3am drunk one night with Kyle so he looks less like his Dad.

- Bro has been in LOVE with Kyle forever.

- Thinks he’s super slick with it (he’s not).

- Didn’t wanna ruin the friendship.

- They kissed once at a party but didn’t speak about it.

- After they moved to the farm he stopped smoking weed cause it made him angry.

- Has a mullet for a while because Kenny influenced him.

- Saved up his pocket money for a shitty electric guitar and it his pride and joy.

- Loves playing music it’s an escape for him.

- Like I said in the Kenny head cannons, Stan forms a band for the second half of high school.

- Some of his favourite memories are with the band.

- Doesn’t hate coffee but doesn’t love it. Wendy put him onto chai lattes.

- Has a really good friendship with Kenny.

- Really struggled with alcohol abuse throughout high school. I think he didn’t wanna admit he needed help it made him feel weak.

- Loves blueberry muffins.

- Spends heaps of time playing minecraft with Kyle and Kenny.

- My guy is greasy, starts looking after himself when he hits 16.

- If he played sports he plays football and ice hockey.

- He’s really good at both but it’s not where his passion is.

- Soooo fond of animals. I think he’d volunteer at the same shelter karen does.

- Did not get out of bed for days when Sparky died.

- Kyle surprised him with a puppy after about a year of dating.

- Deftones enjoyer 😭

- Really struggled with depression. Didn’t go on meds until Kyle literally begged him.

- His guilty pleasure is painting (HERE ME OUT ON THIS ONE).

- Sets up a little corner of his garage with an easel and spends a lot of time there.

- Always has headphones in.

- Went to rehab right before college.

- Really struggled to figure out what his direction in life should be.

- I think he went into veterinary work!! Switched to animal and plant conservation after he realised he couldn’t deal with putting pets down.

- Worked at the library for a while, he liked the peace and quiet.

- Started helping Heidi and Kyle with the community garden.

- Quarterback obviously lol.

- His favourite breakfast food is pancakes.

- Loves the ocean. Isn’t a great swimmer but Kenny taught him to surf.

- After working at the library he really got into reading books.

- Listens to brown noise to get to sleep.

- Still wears his ratty ass beanie everywhere.

- Hates summer, loves spring.

- The day him and Kyle started dating was one of the best days of his life.

- Him and Kyle share his wired headphones on long road trips 🥹

- Can’t do laundry to save his damn life.

- Gets in weird cleaning moods and power scrubs his house.

- Him and Kyle get an apartment together.

- Loves hearing Kyle play piano.

- Can’t eat vegetables without dip (same).

- Marjorine does his eyeliner before gigs.

- That boy can sleep just about anywhere.

Stan in a relationship

- So clingy like SO CLINGY.

- When he’s in a relationship he adores his significant other.

- Loves to lay his head on your chest while your fingers thread through his hair.

- Will make you put your feet on his and slow dances with you.

- Always touching you even if it’s lowkey, linking pinkies, bumping shoulders.

- Is so scared he’s not good enough for you, will require a lot of reassurance.

- When he goes through his depressive episodes he becomes very withdrawn. Will take him a while to open up.

- You will push his towards seeking professional help but he’ll only do it when he acknowledges he actually needs it.

- Always calls and texts you when he’s drunk.

- When y’all had sex for the first time he was a nervous wreck. So scared of doing something wrong and embarrassing himself.

- After a while he learnt what you like really well and knows how to make you feel good.

- Such a switch.

- Hear me out he’s such a thigh guy!

- His love language is quality time 100%

- Prefers nights in over going out! Y’all watch bad movies for shits and gigs.

- Supports whatever you do, number one cheerleader type beat.

- You’re at all of his gigs in the front row screaming your heart out. He always melts at the sight of it.

- You paint his nails black.

- He likes to braid your hair for fun.

- He sleeps over at yours a lot because being around his dad is hard.

- Struggles to sleep so y’all go on 3am drives for donuts.

- Long late night drives together!

- You guys swim in Starks Pond over the summer and ice skate there in winter.

- There’s no such thing as a quick kiss with stan, he always kisses you very passionately.

- He’s so tender with you when you guys are in bed and he wakes up first.

- Had made you so many playlists and sends you new music recommendations all the time.

- Wrote a song for your anniversary and sung it to you. You cried for hours.

- When he was struggling with his sense of direction in life you guys made a bucket list together.

- One of his bucket list items was to go to Europe so y’all did exactly that.

- You surprised him with a puppy one year after you moved in together. He cried.

- Sunday brunch is a weekly thing, he always gets pancakes.

- Y’all nap in the sun together in your hammock.

- He reads you his favourite books before bed 😭😭

- You will do drunk karaoke together.

- Matching bracelets!

- He likes to kiss your neck and shoulders while he stands behind you.

- Likes to peck your nose and see your face scrunch up.

- Calls you beautiful at least 50 times a day.

- Has a polaroid picture of you in his phone case.

- You wear his clothes and it turns him on LOL.

- Was terrified of marriage until he met you. It completely changed his perspective.

- Will propose to you on a walk you guys do in Lake Como. You both cry.

- I think Stan will try so hard to be the best version of himself around you and it makes your heart melt.

#legoflwrsrambles #south park x reader #south park headcannons #stan marsh #stanley marsh #stan marsh x reader #stan marsh headcanons #stanley marsh x reader #stanley marsh headcannons #i love my boy

[tarasmithshifts]

𝐁𝐀𝐍𝐃 & 𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐑 𝐃𝐑

ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴍᴇ ɪɴ ᴛʜɪꜱ ᴅʀ: my name is tara smith, but i'm known as 'azrael'. in 2016 with my friends, kitty and jj formed a band we called 'utopia' and we started on youtube and soundcloud by doing covers, and when we got more popular, we made our first original song. it was called "SOS" (yup it's this one from ABBA but let's pretend yk) and it went viral on soundcloud and very popular on youtube. we got recognision, and it opened the door to music industry.

ᴍʏ ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅꜱ ɪɴ ᴛʜɪꜱ ᴅʀ: kitty (lily buckley), jj (jack hart), billie eilish, willow smith, conan grey, harry styles and a lot of more!

ꜱ/ᴏ: billie eilish

ᴅɪꜱᴄᴏɢʀᴀᴘʜʏ: we debuted with an ep called "CANNIBAL" as we watched "the show"Hannibal" while writing and it was a huge inspo for this ep. it was also a success, we went on small tour in venues. first in america, then in europe.

⍣ ೋ we went super popular after we released our first single from our first album called "LOST IN OUR PAST" (2019). it was a huge success. album was full of 70s beats, vocals, etc. we were nominated for multiple awards and won all of them. we became one of the most successful artist of the year, and later even in decade. Our tour sold out in few minutes, and so that's how we did our first world tour. we performed at grammys, the biggest festivals like coachella etc. we won grammys for best album, best group, best group performance, best single & song of the year. we weren't ready for this kind of success, critics after all called this album a "renaissance of 70s music" we became pioneers of group music then, we mixed modern pop, 70s & 80s. we did covers of old songs, and on our tour performed with multiple artists, like tears for fears, fleetwood mac (which was crazy!!!!). at the time me and kitty got together.

⍣ ೋ after the success, we had multiple fights in the band, but we were still making music together. I started to make solo music, but only for fun. we got to work with conan grey, and we made a song "killing me" (yupp also this one but let's pretend!!!) in 2021 our bands needed to split up, as jj decided to left.

⍣ ೋ it was a huge case, fans protested, wanted to know what happened, but we decided to stay quiet. everything was clear, jj wanted something else from life. he started to work as a "ghost writer"

⍣ ೋ after band has split up, i called my managment that i want to release solo music. i didn't want to give up on music because of this situation. week after official announcement from band, i posted info about my first single of my solo album "GLOBAL DRUGS"

it was a huge success, i didn't think that i would go on world tour and sing in stadiums again. i brought kitty with me.

some of fans favourites

⍣ ೋ in december 2022 after i finished tour and came back to u.s., my agent called me that he wants to meet me and kitty. we met 2 days later in new york, in a studio we recorded first ep as "utopia". when we came in, first thing we saw was jj talking to some people in the studio. well, we were so back.

⍣ ೋ in march 2023 out of nowhere we dropped our second album called "WE ARE STILL HERE" and people went CRAZYYY. we had no idea how this album is gonna shake the whole internet and critics. it was completely new - it was jazz, 70s, soul, r&b. something that people claimed we didn't fit. but here we are :)))

⍣ ೋ in may 2023 i attended my first ever met gala, and there, in an interview i confirmed that this was the last project of ‘utopia’ for now. i said “we disappeared out of nowhere and left you all without any information. this is something like a goodbye, but we do not confirm that it will last forever. it depends on our feelings.” i also confirmed that i will release music as solo artist and that kitty will join me as a drummer

⍣ ೋ in may 2023 a week after met gala, i showed the world my summer tour, and except the festivals of course, there were 4 stadium concerts, “bonus” ones, only in europe. Paris, Barcelona, Berlin and final one in London. that’s the time when me and kitty broke up, after, as media called it “London accident”. (there will be another post about it, but basically kitty got herself into alcohol and drugs, and during the London show for almost 2 hours we couldn’t find her, and when my team finally found her, she was completely not contacting with the world around her, and it was not the first time.she couldn’t perform and i didn’t want to cancel the show)

⍣ ೋ in september 2023 i started dating harry styles, but only to january 2024 - we realised that we would love be each other besties than lovers 🤭 (bc in this dr he is a little younger and one direction split up later than in cr, his album “Fine Line” was released in 2024, and “Harry’s House” in late 2025)

⍣ ೋ in january 2024 i confirmed my second solo album, that will release 15/03 🫶

⍣ ೋ after release of this album, me and billie were spotted in public, spreading dating rumours, which we confirmed some months later

"ᴏɴᴄᴇ ᴀɢᴀɪɴ, ᴜᴛᴏᴘɪᴀ" - pinterest board

#reality shifting #shifting #desired reality #shifting community #quantum jumping #reality shifter #shifting realities #fame dr #actress #celebrities

[comesitintheclover]

This is a love letter to being trans and to other trans people

this is for my t4t first kiss and being seen as a boy by those close to me before I cut my hair and the world started catching up.

this is for the first time a stranger called me a man unprompted being a day I was wearing earrings and bejewelled clips in my hair. For not having to change who I am to be a man.

this is for the trans masc lesbian who taught me how to break in my docs. the gemstones of community collected through time

this is for helping each other bind and songs by indie girl bands about wanting to be a boy, Kate bush singing about not being seen as a boy when she’s riding white horses and I don’t know what she means but I feel it in me and I’m sixteen and binding for the first time and everything feels magical.

this is for my trans brother putting trans stickers in public bathroom stalls and me seeing them at school and feeling less alone.

this is for me falling in love with the ways your voice and your body are changing with every T shot, falling more for you, and falling in love with what I will get to do one day.

this is for the YouTubers who I rewatch, those who show their bodies to the world and face the endless bs to help their trans siblings. The posts and forums that I have screenshotted. For the strangers who helped me find myself and will never know how comforted their words made me.

this is for the flamboyant album by Dorian Electra and splendor dysphoria by Superknova. For the trans musicians and artists and authors who inspire me forever and ever. Who create little infinities of bliss in their 3 minutes of song or few square inches of book pages.

this is for the overlap of identities and the love of body hair and all the butterfly themed stuff I have because they’re a transgender allegory. this is for waking up and touching my chest because it was just a nightmare and the surgery went well and this is my chest now (and it’s like it’s always been)

this is for feeling so proud that I didn’t back down when I could have stomached it because I’m so happy now I didn’t realise how much it hurt before.

this is for finding ourselves while governments uses us as its favourite chewtoy. for reading banned books. For seeing the world change. For the better and worse. For all the highs and lows. this is for you yelling back at that stranger “not a girl!” And me startled and anxious by your side and a bit starstruck. Falling a bit more in love. Writing 500 songs about it, maybe

this is for you telling me it’s okay to just try a new pronoun as we sat on the baseball benches that may. For us with our then-long hair in the sand that summer grinning about being boy-girl-girl-boy-girl-boy-girl-boy-boys. For wearing suits during spirit week. For the sopranos in suit and tie at the choir concert. For the beauty and joy of trans existence.

for the pronoun pins they made at the library. That my brother painted on a bottle cap for me. for getting to give my brother new nicknames from his new name.

this is for the trans people who have given me community and offered me a place to sleep and reignited my faith in humanity

this is for the queer youth group in the new town I lived in this summer. For seeing trans and queer people who were older than me. With white hair. For being cared for, for seeing a future that isn’t lonely. For the road trip we took and doodle the younger kid drew of us all. For spaces that our queer elders have created for us and and we will care for in turn 💗

this is for when you took me to the trans beach day for our third? last? date and I didn’t know what pronouns to put on my my-name-is sticker and I was scared I was an imposter but everyone was so kind and I saw life life life, joy joy joy. More people than the kind that get on a for you page or got cooked up in my feverish brain during lockdown. It was a new welcoming into the world and reality is always so much more beautiful than whatever one dimensional hope I could dream on my own.

this is for the binder I got that summer now neatly folded in the memory box at the top of my wardrobe with old poems and letters and that photo of us at pride when I finally decided I could go too 💗, too high up for me to reach this January with new scars across my chest.

it’s for the way we take care of each other. My friend who made me spaghetti and lent me his mastectomy pillow. For my bff crocheting me trans coloured flowers and a teddy bear. Telling me there’s no such thing as fish or men, helping me through post-surgical depression.

for how we change as time passes. For how we reconnect with new names. For how we may lose each other but still wish each other well with this journey. for poems about god and grapes and wine you collaged onto your bedroom wall. For the genderbendy collages I kept hidden in my closet.

for cutting off my tits to feel comfortable in skirts again. For being understood. For laying on the living room floor years ago telling you I see you as you even if they don’t. And you saying “what do you see though?”. For the hard bits. The times I’ve fucked up. For calling the help line. For your drag king/thing makeup. For the day I learned the word tomboy.

this is for us sitting on the summer sidewalk talking about missing T shots and microdosing and how it’s all gonna be okay.

this is for when you pointed at that statue of apollo and said you wished you looked like that and I bit my tongue because that was your journey to have not mine. This is for being mooned at a queer show. for being offered a cigarette in place of a kiss. for knowing I'll support you no matter what. for joking (kinda) about getting free the nipple tattooed of my post-surgery chest. for being both a woman and a man because I can.

this is for the beauty of the transgender experience, for not understanding gender but feeling it anyways. For becoming because you can, because the world is more open and joyful in a lot of ways now. It’s for coming back to school after quarantine and never being the only kid using multiple pronouns in each class. It’s for hope. It’s for life being more than death. It’s for the beauty of creation and the infinite shapes it takes. It’s for deciding the masculine is not alien. It’s for getting tipsy in the uni lounge and comparing how we think about our genders and feelings so cozy and there being no absolutes. this is for life being confusing but beautiful anyway. For not being able to decide wether to grow my hair back to my waist or to buzz it again. For the joy of waking up with hair short enough to stick up crazily. For you giving me an undercut with stationary scissors when I was 16 there was nothing better to use.

this is for gender being silly fun and profound all at once, all the time.

this is for the day I felt shit going into the woman’s bathroom and I saw this:

this is for @boy-gender happy birthday! Thank you for helping me out with my fears about top surgery and listening to me rant about gender. I hope you have a wonderful day!

#Confusing use of the pronoun “you” sorry #General you #you as in me #You as in 500 different people from my past #<3

[mywifeleftme]

363: R.E.M. // Murmur

Murmur R.E.M. 1983, IRS

Some Short, Disconnected Statements on the Matter of Murmur

1. Insert the following into Waring blender

The Velvet Underground, Pylon, the Byrds, Gang of Four, Patti Smith, the Feelies, Joy Division, the Method Actors, Big Star, the dB’s, the Monkees. Press “Blend” button. (I’ve never owned a blender; I don’t know what the buttons say.)

2. Easy formula for a great band

Having one temperamental genius songwriter guy sounds kind of hard to maintain. Have you considered simply getting four people who are really excellent and distinctive at the respective things they do (at least three of them great singers), who all write well, get along, lack substance abuse issues, have good taste, and modest egos? Why don’t more bands do this?

3. Notes on the early discourse

A lot of the things people wrote back in the early ‘80s to champion this band were dumb as hell. R.E.M. weren’t good because they didn’t use keyboards or synths; pop music didn’t need to be returned to its "honest" folk-rock roots; giving them a thumbs up for not wearing flashy clothes and makeup is dork behaviour.

They were good because they made weird music that derived organically from their time (early ‘80s), place (a college town in the South), and selves (bright, independent, adventurous, sincere, ¼ gay).

Anyone who listened to Chronic Town or Murmur, with their post-punky murk and lyrical references to Laocoön and Marat, and thought to themselves, “As yes, the second coming of Roger McGuinn, this will put those effete new wavers to flight,” was an idiot.

4. Veteran of the psychic war

Somewhere around age 22, R.E.M. took over the mantle Metallica had held as My Favourite Band in the World Forever and Ever, and I proceeded to be almost as annoying about them as I had been Hetfield and the boys. I posted a lot about them; rigged “best music” polls on random message boards I didn’t even post on in their favour; cornered people at parties; crowbarred them into playlists; grumpily chose to dislike bands I saw as stealing their shine; etc. etc. Some (some) of this is maybe cute in retrospect, but really: don’t be like this about music. If you love a band this much, learn how to play their songs on an instrument; write a few poems; paint something. Worst case: review them.

5. Learning nothing, 2024

6. Athens: Lyrics & Enunciation

The matter of what exactly Stipe was singing on the early R.E.M. records was a subject of intense speculation, and eventually, parody. Some of the mystery’s in the mixing, some’s in his Georgian accent, and some’s in his enunciation (never quite as mushy as people claimed, but not exactly Ella Fitzgerald either). But most of it’s in the arbitrary decisions he makes with regard to syntax that cause even accurate transcriptions to seem implausible. Stipe is probably a little bit autistic, which goes some way to explaining the impressionistic intuitiveness of his words, and also went to art school, which fetishizes that sort of thing, but he was always shy of people seeing the words to something like “Sitting Still” on the page because he thought he might be exposed as a nincompoop. “Up to par and Katie bars / The kitchen side, but not me in / Sitting top of the big hill / Waste of time sitting still,” goes the chorus, according to at least one gnostic sect, but the important passage is the one everyone agrees on, when the stream of impassioned babble releases into a howled “I can hear you / Can you hear me?”

Later on, when he would sing more clearly over airy arrangements, with the lyrics neatly printed in the booklet, he’d occasionally try one of those old sound-over-sense moves and embarrass himself (“Leaving New York was never my proud” still rankles). But Murmur’s eternal elusiveness is in the way fragments of sense catch your ear from out of its sleeptalk glossolalia:

“The pilgrimage has gained momentum” “Conversation fear” “Lighted, lighted / Laughing in tune” “Hear the howl of the rope / A question” “A perfect circle of acquaintances and friends / Drink another, coin a phrase” “Shaking through / Opportune” “Take oasis” “Heaven assumes / Shoulders high in the room” “Did we miss anything?”

7. Permission to be arbitrary

I remember sitting in the basement of my college house with my old hometown buddy Brad (mostly a metal/classic rock guy), playing him “Shaking Through” and explaining one of the things I love about old R.E.M. is that it’s great music to yell to. I don’t know how much he really got it, but we were drunk and it’s a catchy song, so we howled and made keening, wordless, Stipean noises along with it and the next few until one of my roommates came and asked us to keep it down.

Also: one theory for why cats purr when they’re injured is that the vibrations somehow reduce pain and encourage healing. From many experiences humming these songs while wrapped up in headphones and bedsheets in the middle of a day that’s passing like a kidney stone, I can confirm.

8. Note on the modern discourse: Influence?

Black Francis, Kurt Cobain, Bob Mould, Steve Malkmus, Bob Pollard, and Thom Yorke loved R.E.M. So did, to his own apparent consternation, Metallica’s Cliff Burton. Still, you sit down with someone and listen to those musicians with the goal of showing them the R.E.M. influence (don’t do this, why would you do this?) and it’s honestly pretty oblique. Most of the bands who directly aped aspects of R.E.M.'s early sound were at best pleasantly minor (see Captured Tracks’ Strum & Thrum comp), and the ones who seemed to be listening most closely to their ‘90s efforts were not who you want.

Their ultimate influence was probably simply showing what an art-first, indie-adjacent rock band could accomplish by sticking to their guns and bending the system to their desires instead of being bent by it. They were like a Velvet Underground for the college rock era, except everyone talented who heard them was inspired to start a band that didn’t sound much like them. They always used their spotlight to introduce people to other bands and, when they really got huge, they modeled how to deal with success. There don’t seem to be many R.E.M. stories, Peter Buck’s airplane incident aside, about them being anything other than kind. That’s a fundamentally less exciting type of influence than most other “great” bands have. But I do think it’s kinda cool they were the wise old heads for an entire national movement of alternative music.

8b.

Of course, it still bugs me people don’t think they’re cool. Murmur at least, should be considered cool. And Reckoning, mostly. Chronic Town for sure. Some of Fables. Am I crazy for saying some of Monster and New Adventures even? I’ll stop. I’ll go on.

9(-9). The music

They were a pop band, they were an art band; they sounded like children, and like craggy old men buried in kudzu weed; natural and pretentious; date-stamped and timeless. Decide yourself. Happy 41st birthday Murmur.

363/365

#r.e.m. #rem #michael stipe #peter buck #bill berry #mike mills #murmur #mitch easter #jangle pop #athens music #athens #'80s music #college rock #alternative rock #indie rock #perfect circle #self indulgence #music review #vinyl record

[my-my-my]

What if for this reader aizen genuinely truly loves her and she accepts him for who he is

Was thinking soulking au where he’s soulking and he decides to propose to her

Fluff plz

Female reader

Sure, thanks for the request!

TW: none, just fluff! Soul King Aizen is however you imagine him to be.

Numerous thoughts drifted through Aizen’s mind as he watched you guide reborn souls into his kingdom. No, it was your kingdom too. There was a quiet sense of pride in his eyes as you welcomed everyone to their new home.

It was never made official – from the time he defeated the Gotei 13, to crushing the Royal Guards, you were there by his side, aiding him and fighting along with him. There was no urgency to propose. Why propose when eternity waited for you two?

He thought there would be plenty of time to have a formal proposal. One said with words, and not subtle actions.

Aizen left you alone, deciding to walk amongst the gardens the two of you created. Blooming bushes of roses and shrubs of hydrangeas awaited him, while the branches laden heavy with wisteria, danced in the light breeze. The garden was Aizen’s favourite part of the entire realm you two shared. Initially Aizen wanted the garden to be just for the two of you, but you argued on behalf of the souls entering, that this was everyone’s shared paradise, and so he relented.

Aizen mingled with the souls prattling about. They would give a gentle nod to him as he walked by. Many of them referred to him as Lord Aizen, and you his Lady, but the two of you were not interested in formalities. Yet some old habits die hard, and the souls that came through the realm held the two of you in high regard.

Aizen entered a more secluded area of the garden, where bushels of stargazer lilies were in abundance.  The garden shaped and shifted to the whim of you two, but this area was remained relatively untouched since its creation. Aizen inspected a few blossoms that were lost some petals – the two of you agreed that life and death were necessary to continue. Souls could die here, even the two of us he thought.

A soft frown crossed his face as that thought came to him. Eternity wasn’t necessarily guaranteed – he knew that, and you knew that. The two of you were immortal, but the universe in its entirety held many secrets that intrigued Aizen. Could the hogyoku take his immortality away? Could another being, greater, stronger, than the two of you, enter the kingdom and erase you from existence?

It was fear – fear that pushed Aizen to constantly evolve and learn. And a fear that made you learn to adapt, evolve, and grow alongside him. You were of the same mind as him – there was no need to be stagnant with an ever-changing world.

Aizen snapped the flower off from its stem, ending its life. The garden was an area of beauty, but a constant reminder to the two of you that nothing was forever.

Except his love for you.

Aizen took one last look at the lilies, sensing your presence approaching him.

“I never took you much as a gardener, Sosuke.” You laughed as you grabbed his hand. Aizen was a man of many masks and personas, but he was never one to act on half-measures. This garden, this kingdom and realm, were proof of that.

You gave him a smile as Aizen squeezed your hand in reassurance, it was then he pulled your left hand towards him.

Aizen brough your hand to his lips and whispered the quietest of incantations, words you barely recognized, until a solid band was wrapped around your ring finger. He kissed your hand again and pulled you closer to him.

“I want this ring to be a physical reminder of my devotion to you, my love.” Aizen said softly, and continued with a gentle smile, “our kingdom wouldn’t be the same without its queen after all.”

#aizen sosuke #aizen sousuke #sousuke aizen #sosuke aizen #bleach #answered #bleach writings

[nriacc]

I Wanna Be Yours | NRIACC: Alex’s Ending |

Nothing Revealed In A Common Crisis

Written by @imagine-that-100​​

Description: | Here |

Word Count: 25.2k

Warnings: This series contains mature content and themes throughout

A/N: Hey besties! I can’t believe this is it. We actually got to the end! Thank you so so so much for sticking with me whilst I got this fic out, I am truly so so happy that people are still reading almost 2 years after I posted the first part. It really is mindblowing to me. I’ve got a few people I need to thank, dot for helping me plan a lot of the fic and for helping write chap 8, @murderousginger​ and @sunsetinmyvein​ for editing for me. A really really big thank you is going to @red---moon​ and @alovesreading​, I genuinely don’t think this fic would have ever got finished if I didn’t have you two for me to mindlessly rant to about it and giving me ideas and keeping me motivated (Red also gave me the idea for the arielle stuff back on the AM tour and A gave me the idea of the whole pauline storyline so you can blame them for that loolllll love you both). To the rest of you, the ones who have been reading for a longgg time, you deserve a medal, your asks and reactions have really kept me going so thank you so so so much, and if you’ve recently had a binge I really hope you enjoyed the rollercoaster of a fic. NRIACC really feels like my baby and I’m never going to write a mashup of worlds like this again, so thank you all so so much for reading and enjoying it. I'll be forever grateful for the love you’ve shown it. Now, I’ve kept you waiting long enough, I really hope you enjoy Wheels and her man's happy ending. Love you lots and enjoy x

Please let me know | Here | who’s ending you’re all choosing! (It’s all anonymous)

| Series Masterlist | N’s Masterlist | NRIACC Playlists | The Band’s Info | Read on Wattpad | Read on AO3 |

~*~*~*~ June 2020 ~*~*~*~

That night Alex came to get you was a turning point for you. You found this new way of living extremely less difficult with your best friend by your side.

When he got to your flat that night, he held you whilst you cried and he didn’t let you go until your tears dried up and he got you smiling again. You're sure it was the relief to be back in his arms that made you get more upset when he arrived.

It must have been the silent longing for him for those 3 months alone that had you not wanting to let go of him. It was a miracle you released him so he could help you pack up a few of your things to take to Alex’s house with you.

Your best friend assured you that you could both come back and grab more of your stuff at a later date but he wanted to get you back to his house so you could be comfortable. And that night he remembers you clutching him so tightly when he practically carried you into his bedroom and you held him even in your sleep.

That was the only night you slept in his bed, but you did have a lot of quiet cuddles every day where you just held him close and didn’t let him go. The only time you left him alone was when you both went to bed and even then Alex was sure that you weren’t having an easy time trying to sleep.

At the start you were quieter and you didn’t smile anywhere near as much as Alex was used to. You spent a lot of time sleeping or just lying in bed staring into space and it worried Alex so much, he ended up doing what you once did to him. He made you go on a walk with him.

Your best friend wouldn’t tell you where you were going and he found it amusing as you tried your best to pry it out of him but he refused. But your afternoon out in the boiling sun turned out to be one of your favourite days this year.

Alex took the both of you into his local shop so you could both get a meal deal and a few snacks and treats before he walked you to a specific spot in his local park. And he was right in thinking you’d love it. Your face lit up when you saw the huge cherry blossom tree and the both of you had your impromptu picnic underneath it before spending the next few hours there.

You finally got your smile back that day and Alex was so thankful to see it. And since he had seen a slow but steady improvement in you every day.

The morning after your picnic, Alex came downstairs to find you sitting at the dining room table and you were drawing again. Nothing had ever warmed his heart more, and he didn’t want to distract you at all so all he did was quickly go to the kitchen and make you a cup of coffee.

When he brought it to you, he placed a kiss on the back of your head and he sat down beside you and watched you work. He was so enamoured by you, he could have carried on watching you for hours, but instead he went and made the both of you a nice breakfast.

And since then, you always started your morning that way. You finally got your spark back and you started to feel so much better in yourself, and you owed that all to Alex.

Days were happier and somehow easier for you in this weird time of self isolation but when you snuggled into your best friend's arms every night whilst you watched a film on the settee, you knew you’d be okay. You’d always be okay as long as Alex was there to comfort you.

~*~*~*~

Since you actually got inspired to be creative again, you and Alex ventured back to your flat to grab a few of your painting and drawing stuff and you’ve been feeling more like your old self again. And now a few weeks have passed, you’ve almost run out of room with how much stuff you’ve been making, you’re definitely going to have to make a trip back to your flat to leave some stuff there so Alex can have his house back.

Not that you intend to leave because you really don’t. You don’t want to be anywhere else than by your best friend's side.

You think that in the last few weeks, you and Alex have been closer than you ever have been, in a platonic way anyway. Although, your feelings towards him really aren’t all that platonic anymore.

There had been a lot of flirty banter between the two of you since you started living together, and each time it happened it left you with the feeling of butterflies in your stomach and your cheeks heating up. You always tried to bite your cheek to stop yourself from smiling like a fucking idiot when he flirts with you.

It sometimes makes it difficult if you’re cuddling on the settee under the same blanket because all you want to do is hide under it and grin like a lunatic. But you can’t because you don’t want him to know just how much he affects you.

And the only reason you didn’t want to put it all out in the open was because you were worried about what Alex would think. You weren’t sure if he was flirting with you because that's just how the two of you act around each other or because he is actively flirting.

So you’d kept your feelings to yourself for a while in hopes that you’d get some sort of sign. But last night when you got in the bed in his guest room instead of creeping into Alex’s like you so desperately want to, you decided you’d tell your best friend at some point the next day.

The both of you had let yourselves lose your brief moments in time together because you didn’t communicate properly. And you’re grown up enough now not to let that happen again. So you decided in bed that you were going to tell your best friend about your feelings for him.

And when you woke up this morning, knowing that at some point today you were going to tell him made you feel lighter somehow. Yes you’re nervous, but if worse comes to worst and he actually doesn’t like you that way anymore at least you’ve told your truth. And you’ll live the rest of your life knowing you did give it one last shot.

The hardest part of today has been not knowing when to bring it up, because you can’t really just say it out of the blue. It didn’t feel right. You didn’t want it to be an ‘i need to talk to you moment’, you wanted it to be an anxious free and healthy reveal of something instead of causing him to get anxious and possibly awkward with you.

But it looks like you might have to resort to that, because no conversation has taken any of that direction today. Alex has been reading for most of the day and you decided to paint some more as the both of you listened to music. Nothing sparked that sort of conversation though even over dinner so you just tried to stay calm and positive about it.

Now it’s the evening though and both of you got so wrapped up in your little words that you’d missed tea and it was too late for you to cook. So, you ordered yourselves a take out so you could chill out whilst you watched Glastonbury reruns, as the festival was obviously cancelled this year.

You watched Adele’s the night before and you both really enjoyed that. And now, after you both finished your food, you’re sitting next to each other as you polish off a bottle of wine between you, all while singing along and having a blast.

You’d just finished watching David Bowie's set from 2000 and you’d been waiting for Ed Sheeran’s headline set to start, and when it did you were both enthralled.

You have your legs over Alex’s lap and you're both resting your heads back against the settee aimlessly watching Ed’s magic that he makes on guitar. And your heart is warm by the way Alex's hand keeps running soothingly up and down your legs.

Ed has just finished his medley of songs and it’s so fucking amazing to you how he does all of what he does on a guitar and his loop pedals.

“God, he’s so amazing.” You say as your shiver slightly hearing the applause. “I’ve got proper goosebumps watching him.”

“Not you again with the goosebumps.” Alex chuckles a little and shakes his head.

“Look at my arms.” You smile and show him your arm which like you said, your skin is raised and full of goosebumps.

“You need to get a grip.” Alex smiles playfully and shoves your arm back.

You fake a frown and tell your best friend in half a giggle, “Don’t be nasty. I was like that for both of your sets.”

“Mmmm,” Alex thinks about it for a moment but ultimately he shakes his head, “Don’t believe you.”

“Well you know what Alex, I couldn’t just interrupt your set by running on stage to show you.” You laugh and you love the way he grins back at you. You also add, “And if they put your full one on from 2013 on iPlayer I would show you, but no BBC are dickheads.”

“Yeah, well,” Your best friend chuckles but defends, “I can't really say much, they have given us a pretty good platform in the past.”

“You're allowed to slag people off in private Alex, who am I gunna tell?” You grin, paying attention to only his bright eyes and his goofy smile.

Your best friend laughs, “Alright, alright.”

The both of you start watching the performance again and Ed’s just started singing Photograph which is one of your favourites. You both listen for a while but when it gets to the chorus you shiver again hearing everyone in the crowd sing the lyrics back to him.

And you can’t stop the question from leaving your lips to the man next to you who knows exactly what it’s like.

“Is there any way to describe that feeling?” You have to ask, because you remember being astounded hearing the crowd singing back to Alex at his Glastonbury. “Or is it as magical as it looks?”

You tilt your head to the side to look at him. Alex takes a deep breath as he thinks back to it and you watch him patiently as he finds his words.

“It's the best experience ever.” Alex looks at you and tells you honestly, “Nothing like it and I don’t think anything could ever beat it.”

You smile at that and it warms your heart.

“I’m so proud of you.” You quietly say, grabbing his hand that lay unmoving on your thigh

“Only just now?” Alex teases, lacing your fingers together.

You playfully glare at him then and nudge him, correcting him, “You know I’ve always been proud of you.”

Alex tries to hide his smile but he fails miserably and nods, “Yeah, I do.”

Instead of paying attention to the TV, you look at each other with smiles on your faces and you end up watching each other like that for a short while.

But then the both of you feel it. That pull between you again. The one that’s been happening every night you’ve been cuddled together. Or when the both of you are cooking together. Or go out on walks together. There’s always that spark and that pull between you, but this time you can’t ignore it.

You're both just listening to the music in the background and enjoying your view of the others resting on the settee looking into beautiful eyes.

You close your eyes and release a breath which Alex watches you do. He can’t help but think it’s like you’re mentally preparing yourself for something.

Your eyes open back up and you bite your lip for a second before almost whispering “Can I kiss you?”

That isn’t what Alex was expecting you to say at all. But he doesn’t hesitate like the first time you’d ever asked him that question, instead he just nods and watches you closely.

You pick your head up from the settee and slowly move towards him before you attach your lips to his. Despite your lips tingling the second they touch his, you know that this is just something to test the waters for a few seconds.

You can tell Alex isn’t really putting himself forward for it which you understand. He wants to see how you'd react to it.

The kiss starts slow as you really don't want to rush it at all. You aren’t after what you were last year. You’re so far past the need for him in just that sense. You just want to see if there truly is still a connection between you.

You need to know if it’s just your mind playing tricks on you or if it’s actually real feelings towards him. And from the way your heart is rapidly beating in your chest, you can tell they are genuine feelings.

Alex kisses you back with as much enthusiasm as you give, but he makes a conscious effort not to pull you to him when he’s wanting more. He needs you to direct this, for his own clarity.

And he’s thankful you are doing, because you cup the side of his face and pull him closer to you as you deepen the kiss. You feel like you’re trying to get all of your emotions out in this kiss, like you’re trying to tell him something without actually telling him.

And Alex definitely is reciprocating. After a few minutes, both of your breathing becomes laboured. You’re both so into it that it shocks you when Alex pulls away, both of you breathing hard and hearts beating rapidly.

Alex’s brain is going haywire, he’s surprised you can’t hear it screaming at him. But his biggest insecurity is the first thing that comes out of his mouth.

Your best friend runs a hand through his hair as he looks like he’s fighting with his own mind when he looks into your eyes and says quietly, “I can’t do this if you’re gunna go back to him.

You shake your head, your chest sinking at the mere thought that Alex would even think that. But at the same time you understand, so you don’t hesitate to assure him.

“I don’t want him like that,” You promise him, as you really haven’t thought about Matty like that for a long time. “He’s just my best friend.”

Alex looks stressed as he reminds you, “I’m just your best friend.”

“No,” You state simply, “You’re not.”

And he hasn’t been for a long time. There’s always been that ache in your chest that has you wanting something more with Alex. And you wish you could let him feel exactly what you’re feeling to show him.

Your best friend is clearly shocked and he almost looks like he’s trying to wake himself up from a dream. He can’t believe his ears or believe that you just kissed him again.

“I can’t do this if it’s only a one night thing either. Don’t get me wrong, last time was amazing but we shouldn’t have done it. It just made me more attached.” Alex rambles on, getting all of his thoughts and feelings out into the open. “I don’t want you as some now and again girl. That’s not what you are to me.”

“I like you Al. A lot.” You cup his face to try and ground him to the moment and you smile as you spill your truth, “Like you hurt to think about. And even after everything I can’t get you out of my head.”

Your best friend loses his breath when he hears you say that. And he can’t help but repeat what he thinks he heard you say, “You like me?”

“Yeah.” You nod.

Alex looks like he wants to cry when he quietly asks you, “You like me how I like you?”

“I’m fairly certain that I love you Alex.” You grin, putting it all out there for him.

Some mixture of relief and shock floods Alex’s whole system then and you see it hit him. He holds his breath for a few seconds and he has to close his eyes and he’s holding your hand so tightly, you don’t even think he’s aware he has a hold of you.

When you see those beautiful brown eyes of his again a second later, you see him try and fail to find his words as emotions run through him. But then you see his lips turn up into a smile and he begins to stutter, “I- I, wow. I l-“

And you know what he’s about to say but you quickly put your finger over his lips to stop him.

“If you're about to say it because I just have, please don’t. Save it until you mean it, until you really want to say it.” You smile, but it’s like you’ve just got everything off your chest, you feel free saying them out loud, “I just can’t hold it anymore, I’m sick of hiding it now.”

Alex chuckles and you’re sure his eyes are getting a little watery but you can’t tell if it’s just pure and utter joy and elation that’s making him look like that. He takes another few deep breaths and it’s as if his throat has choked up and he’s trying not to cry.

You realise that’s exactly the case when he quietly asks you with a strained voice, “Me? Are you sure?”

You grin and nod, “It's always been you, Alex.”

You briefly see your best friends smile before your lips are brought down to meet it. Both of you can’t really stop smiling as you kiss each other, which is funny and cute all at the same time. You feel like you could burst with the happiness that you’re feeling, but the fact that Alex is kissing you like you could disappear at any moment, makes you think that he might not be fully believing it's happening.

The past is clearly playing on his mind, because when you pull away from the sweet kiss he lets those final insecurities out.

“How can you possibly want something with me after everything I’ve said and done?” He asks you after you pull away.

He’s still emotional, you can see it and hear it in his voice and you want nothing more than to ease his worries. You’ll do everything in your power to show him just how serious you are though, and you’ll happily spend the rest of your life doing it if he wants the same.

“A relationship is just two imperfect people refusing to give up on each other. And I’m not ready to give up on you Al.” You smile as you gently stroke his cheek, “I won’t ever give up on you if you won’t give up on me.”

Alex smiles at that, and he moves his head to the side to kiss your palm before he says a quiet, “Never.” and that has you melting.

“This is it for me.” You promise him, “If you want this, I’m all in. I’m all yours. I’m going to marry you one day.”

Your smile is practically lighting up the whole room for Alex. He doesn’t think he’s ever seen you so happy and he can’t believe that he’s the cause of it. Alex smiles and chuckles in disbelief, he’s still not fully sure he’s not dreaming. But he just has to ask you one last time, “Are you sure you want this?”

“More than anything.” You nod, giving him the briefest kiss before you tell him again, “I love you.”

Alex grins at that but then he brings his hands up to hide his face and he whispers, “I think I’m going to cry.”

You chuckle, “Don’t cry.” as you pull his hands down so you can see his handsome face again, but when you do you see there’s actual tears in his eyes. “Darling don't cry…” but then he closes his eyes so you can’t see so you tell him, “Shakespeare, look at me.”

When he opens his gorgeous eyes again, you see that they have fully teared up now which makes you want to cry too. “No, stop with the tears, you’ll get me going.”

“All I’ve wanted for so long was to hear you say that you love me.” Alex’s voice cracks at the end of that and he barely gets out, “And you just said it.”

You nod, “Yeah, I did,”

He must tune back into your surroundings for a second because he then gestures towards the TV and laughs as he shakes his head, “And Ed fucking Sheeran is on in the background.”

You giggle at this, nodding as you realise that the end of him playing Nancy Mulligan is on in the background. This really isn’t how you imagined this moment playing out at all, but you’re so happy, you don't really care.

You just laugh, confirming, “Ed Sheeran’s on in the background.”

Alex reaches forwards and holds your face then, both hands cupping your cheeks and he gently strokes them with his thumbs as he tries to take in the moment properly. “Can you say it again?” He asks quietly as a tear falls, “Please.”

You have the biggest grin on your face as you tell him, “I love you, Alex.”

His whole face lights up with the sweetest and most innocent smile then. One that’s overcome with so much adoration and joy, it warms your soul. And when you see him go to say it back, you stop him, “I-“

“No,” You put your finger over his lips, “Don’t tell me today.”

He frowns at you a little then, “But I lo-”

You stop him again, already knowing he wants to say it back and in your heart you know he probably wants to scream it at you, but you want him to tell you when he can’t hold it back any longer, like you’ve been like today. You nod as you smile, “I know, but don’t tell me today. Tell me when you desperately want to tell me.”

“I’m desperate now.” Alex laughs a little, feeling his chest burst with the emotions you’re telling him he’s not allowed to get out just yet.

“I know, but please tell me on a day when it overwhelms you so much it hurts not to tell me.” You ask him, in hopes that he could do it. You explain, “That’s how I’ve been feeling for days. I had to tell you today.”

“You’ve wanted to tell me all day and you’ve waited till now? Christ Angel, it’s almost midnight.” He laughs, and his grin is so big that you’re trying your best to take a mental picture of how gorgeous he looks right now. He strokes your cheek as he asks, “What games are you playing?”

“Absolutely none,” You laugh, “I just love you and I needed to tell you.”

Alex giggles at that, still not fully believing he’s wide awake and this is real life. He’s so beyond happy, he really doesn’t have the words to tell you, especially if you won’t let him say it back just yet.

So your best friend does the one thing that he knows that after what’s just been said, you won’t deny him. He pleads with the biggest smile on his face, “Kiss me?”

You chuckle before you ask, “Thought I was the one that asks that?”

“If you’re mine, you don’t need to ask anymore, Angel.” Alex grins.

“I’m all yours, Shakespeare.” You promise him before you kiss him again.

This kiss feels like it seals the deal. It’s your confirmation that you’re his and he’s yours and your heart is bursting with all the love you have for him and the elation you’re feeling that he wants to give you another go.

You’re feeling euphoric and you know from the way Alex is pouring his heart into this kiss that he is too. He’s still holding your face so that you couldn’t even escape it if you tried, you know he needs this just as much as you.

You’re unsure if you’re only kissing for a few minutes, or if ten end up passing. All you know is that you’re so in love with your best friend, who has quite possibly just become your boyfriend, that you never really wanted it to end. And just when you thought it was about to, Alex bites your bottom lip and brings you back in for another one because he really can’t let you go just yet.

It makes you shiver like it has done every time he’s ever done it, but you knew that was another little nod back to the first time he’d ever done it. You’re thankful he’s always remembered how much you love it and you fully intend to let him kiss you and bite your lip whenever he wants from now on.

Even when your kiss did come to an end, the moment didn’t.

Foreheads resting against each other whilst both of you let your grins free. Your noses playfully nudging the others back and forth in cute eskimo kisses has you quietly giggling, and you keep whispering to your best friend that you love him.

It’s certainly the best night of Alex’s life, and he can’t wait until you let him say it back to you because he is dying to. He loves you so much. And he’s let that love slowly consume him again every moment you’ve had together since that night he came back to you. And he never ever wants to let you go again.

Even when you finally put each other down, you cuddle yourself right into him and Alex holds you tightly and every few seconds he’s kissing your head. Both of you are only half listening to the end of the 2017 Glastonbury set now because you’re just too focused on the mutual love you have for one another and how it feels like it could pour out of your chests.

But one song does grab both of your attention, and it’s when Alex takes your hand as he hears you humming along to the tune of Ed singing, ‘Now I have met an Angel in person, and she looks perfect, I don’t deserve it but she looks perfect tonight.’ that Alex lets out a short laugh.

You look up at your best friend as he sighs as he gestures to the TV, “That’s gunna be our wedding song now and we’ll be the most basic couple on earth.”

That makes you burst out laughing despite it now probably being true. It’s a stunning song and it says Angel in it, and now it’ll always remind you of tonight. But you’re just grinning like a fool because he’s practically said that he wants to marry you.

You lean up to kiss him again and you whisper against his lips, “I love you Shakespeare.” and he hums the words back to you as he kisses you which has your heart melting.

You love each other with so much of your hearts that none is left to protest.

~*~*~*~

Much to Alex’s dismay, you’ve still not let him tell you that he loves you yet and it’s almost been a week. It’s on the tip of his tongue and you seem to know every time he’s about to say tell you and you stop him from doing so. The only time he’s managed to get it out without you stopping him is when you’re asleep and he has half a mind to wake you up just to tell you.

But he gets why you want him to wait to say it. He remembers that tragic day after the night he got drunk years ago where he just needed to tell you that he loved you so he could try and fix things between you. He couldn’t get the words off his tongue like you couldn’t the night you told him, but thankfully the context was extremely different this time.

And Alex has no intentions to fuck things up between you ever again. The morning after you told him you loved him, you both talked a little bit and you decided there and then that you were official. You’re finally his girlfriend, and Alex is so beyond happy he can call his angel his own.

Truthfully, neither of you have ever been happier despite the fact you’re in the middle of a pandemic. The days together and finally getting to be how you’ve desperately wanted to be with each other really make everything better. You have each other now and you’re never going back to how it was before.

It was always going to be impossible for the two of you to just be best friends. There’s always been something more. And now you get to experience and live whatever that something more brings you both, and Alex will forever be thankful that you made the move to tell him you loved him.

Each day since, you’ve been so happy. He loves seeing you smiling and being all bright eyed and creative. It’s one of the things he really loves about you, and he can’t wait to tell you each and every way he loves you when you finally let him say it back.

Alex woke up alone this morning, which isn’t an issue but it’s the first time since you got back together that you haven’t had a lie in with him. But your best friend, now boyfriend, knows you’re an early riser and he can’t have you tucked away in bed all the time like he wants.

He’s just glad he woke up a little earlier sometimes and got to cuddle you whilst you were still half asleep.

Alex doesn’t have to worry at all as he knows you’ve not gone too far because he can hear the music you're playing downstairs. So because he’s that much of a simp and can’t spend a long time without you these days, he quickly gets himself washed and dressed before he comes downstairs.

The instant he sees you, there’s a smile on his face and it just gets bigger as he sees you dancing to the riff of the song you have on as you cook. When you finish singing the chorus, Alex watches as you dance to the instrumental part of the song and when the drums kick back in you start jumping around having a really good time.

He can’t stop himself from watching you and grinning. But just before the song kicks back in, Alex makes his presence known and he says over the music, “Morning Angel.”

You spin around to see him leaning against the wall with a grin on his face, clearly having a great time watching you. But then the lyrics come back and you point at him and start singing the song to him, “You look so cool, standing there.”

You walk towards him quickly, the smile sticking on your face now as you hook your finger into his belt loops and pull him towards you, “With your baggy jeans,” and you run your hands up through his hair, “And silky hair.”

Both of you grinning at each other, you wrap both your arms around his neck and carry on singing, “We can live for nothing baby, I don't care. Lose me like the ocean, feel the motion.”

And you make him move to the beat of the music as you sing the chorus to him at the top of your lungs after you give him a quick kiss, “I’ll be the sea honey, always always, and you’ll be the tide.”

You’re giggling like fools in love when you carry on dancing as you sing the outro. And when Heather stops singing, you pull your man down by his hair and you kiss him sweetly.

You can’t stop the smiles on your faces but being unable to stop smiling as you kiss each other really isn’t unknown between you anymore. It’s all you’ve been doing this past week.

After The Tide by Pale Waves finishes, Alex is smiling down at you as he asks, “What’s got you all happy?”

“I woke up next to you.” Your eyes are bright as you keep him close and tell him about your day so far, “The sun is shining. I'm feeling creative, I’ve already finished one poem and painting this morning. The day is good.”

Alex kisses you again then and he hums against your lips before he pulls away to say, “Let go of me so I can see the painting?”

You smile and do as you’re asked. You let him go and go back over to the hob so you can finish making the both of you breakfast as you tell him, “It's on the easel by the back door.”

After a few minutes, you feel his arms wrap around you from behind as you plate up both of your Full English’s for your brunch.

“My girlfriend is so talented it injures me.” Alex says as he leans around you to kiss your temple.

Whilst you think he’s very cute to say you’re talented, you decide to tease him for saying it injures him, “Maybe you and your fragile masculinity should write another album then.”

Alex’s jaw drops a little which makes your facade break. You giggle and lean back into him, “I’m joking, I’m joking.”

“Next year maybe.” Alex tells you after kissing his way up from your shoulder to your neck, “Focus on everything usthis year.”

You hum in agreement, and you turn in his arms as you tell him, “Sounds like a great idea.” and you quickly kiss him before you pat his chest, “Come on, let's eat.”

Brunch was delicious, as your cooking always is and both of you sat at the dining room table whilst you ate. The both of you chatted about the morbid news that the world is experiencing and the latest Covid figures that the government has released and you both wonder how the fuck the world is going to get out of the state that its in for a while.

But, the two of you are no help to anyone. You’re just hoping that Charlie is still doing okay as he is still on the frontline with all of this. It reminds you that you need to call Y/B/F today and actually have a proper lengthy conversation so you can make sure she’s alright.

When you get up from the table to put the plates in the dishwasher (you wouldn’t let Alex do it), your boyfriend finds himself longingly looking at the leather bound diary that contains all of your secrets. It reminds him of just how much he would love to read any poem of yours. He really hopes you’ll let him one day, even if it's years from now when you’re married and going grey, he really hopes you’ll let him.

Curiosity gets the better of Alex and he nods at your diary when you come back into the room, “Did you say you wrote a poem this morning?”

“I did.” You smile brightly at him, the sun hitting your face from the window making your skin have a golden tint to it. You look stunning.

Alex hums acknowledging what you told him, he grins when you walk around the table and sit on his lap instead of your chair. Stealing a quick kiss from you makes Alex smile and he also pushes his luck the tiniest bit, asking cheekily as he slides your poetry diary closer to the both of you, “Can I finally read some of these?”

You chuckle at the way he pouts at you, the silent plea on his face is quite amusing. But what is even funnier to you is his reaction to what you say next.  

“You can read them all.” You nod, “But just bare in mind that’s like two decades worth of my feelings.”

Your boyfriend’s jaw falls and his eyes go wide. It clearly takes a second to register because the next thing you know, his eyebrows are furrowed slightly and he asks, “Wait, what?”

“What?” You giggle, finding it quite amusing how shocked he is.

Alex picks up your poem diary properly now and holds it in front of you and asks seriously, “I can read this?”

“I don’t have anything to hide from you anymore.” You nod, confirming he can if he’d like to. And to ease your now clearly anxious boyfriend, your fingers gently play with the hair on the back of his neck, “You’ve been asking since we were teenagers, I think you’ve waited a sufficient amount of time.”

Alex is entirely lost for words. This book that he has seen for the past decade of his life has plagued him as he has been desperate at different moments in time to see what you’ve been scribbling down onto the pages of it. And to finally hear that he can read it without consequence is a real shock to his system.

“Really?”

“Yeah.” You nod.

Alex looks at the leather diary then like he’s never opened a book in his life and he doesn’t know what to do with it. His hesitance makes you smile, but you think for your own sanity if he does want to read it, which you know he does, you need to do something for yourself.

“Before you do.” You get your best friend's attention again and you ask, “Can you please read and process them when I’m not here? I’d rather you take it all in and then you can ask questions afterwards if you have any.”

Alex questions, “Not all sunshines and rainbows then?” and his heart sinks a little as he’s sure of the answer you’re about to give.

“Has my life been all sunshine and rainbows, Al?” You raise an eyebrow but try to keep the mood light.  

“No,” Your boyfriend shakes his head and takes a deep breath before admitting, “And I’ve not helped with that, I’m sure.”

“Don’t beat yourself up Al.” You tell him, giving him a small smile and you gently stroke his cheek as you tell him, “I love you now because I’ve been through everything you’re about to read.”

Once it’s established that Alex does in fact want to read it, you send off a few texts and when you get responses, you grab a few things before you get yourself ready to head out. And once you’re at the door, you tell Alex what your plan for your day is, “I’m going to go for a long walk, meet up with Adam for a socially distanced chat at the park and then have a nice long talk with Y/B/F whilst you read, okay?”

Alex wraps his arms around your waist and he hides himself into your neck and he kisses it once before offering, “You can stay here if you want? I’ll go out.”

“And you lose my poetry book? Absolutely not.” You giggle a little and you give his hair a little tug so you can give him a kiss. “It’s a nice day, I wanna get out anyway so it kills two birds with one stone.”

“I love you so much.” You kiss him longingly and lovingly, “I’ll see you later.”

“I-” And your best friend tries again.

But you quickly silence him with another kiss and tell him, “Don’t say it until after you’ve read my poems.”

Alex looks hopeful when he asks, “I can say it after?”

“Yeah, I think I've made you wait long enough for that now too.” You grin, loving how excited he is at the thought of saying that he loves you. But you jokingly big yourself up, “Besides, I have a feeling that you’ll be desperate to say it. I have a way with words.”

Alex chuckles at that, but before he lets you go he raises his little finger to you and asks, “Afterwards?”

You smile and hook your little finger around his in a pinky promise, confirming, “Afterwards.”

~*~*~*~

The way Alex’s heart is beating as he paces in front of the settee, which your poetry diary is currently lay on, is frankly concerning considering all of his nerves are being caused by what a pen has written on paper. It’s been 15 minutes since you’ve gone out and Alex hasn’t yet found the courage to open it.

But he realises that he needs to just bite the bullet. He’s been asking to read your poems for so long, he doesn’t want to back out of this now. Alex wants to know the ins and outs of your mind, and this is the closest he’ll ever get to that. So after a few deep breaths, he forces himself to sit down and unwrap the leather diary and he opens it on the first page.

Alex smiles seeing that it's not only your words in this book, you have doodles in there too. Stunning ones, just like all your drawings but these are quirkier and on this page he knows they must be from a long time ago.

On the first page he sees your full name written down, your telephone number which has clearly been updated the few times it’s needed to be. And then you have a bigger note that reads:

If lost: Please call the above number and claim your £5000 reward.

It makes Alex relax a bit reading that because that’s a very you thing to do. He knows that if this book went missing you’d probably pay double that to get it back. And after a deep breath, your boyfriend turns the page to start reading properly and he finds it easier than expected, for now anyway.

After reading a few of your earliest ones, Alex spots the small way you’ve coded out your poems. The date is the first thing at the top of the page, but then in the top right hand corner, you have initials of who the poem is about.

The few he’s read he knows from the initials that there are some about your Mum. Other heartfelt and longing ones about your Dad that almost have Alex tearing up.

There are happy ones too, some that don’t necessarily have initials because they aren’t about anyone in general, they are just about how you’re feeling.

Even reading these from back when you were in high school and college, Alex knows that you’re amazing at what you write in this book. And if your writing was this good when you were half your current age, he knows you must be even better now.

Once Alex figured out your code, he decided that he wants to respect your privacy a little more, so instead of reading everything you’ve written, he searches for his own initials. And your boyfriend stops when he sees the first A.T. in the right corner of your book. Alex sees that you’ve dated it late July 2002 and then he goes on to read:

Thank you for making me

feel things I thought I

never could

It’s short and simple, but Alex knows already that you must have been talking about the night you first slept together then. It sort of hits him all over again just how deeply you clearly felt about the milestone in your lives as he never expected to read you thanking him for it.

Alex flips a few more pages until he stops when he sees a polaroid of you and all the 1975 boys in a swimming pool. You’re all grinning like idiots and he can see that you’ve all signed the bottom of it which is a very you thing to ask all of them to do. But he smiles when he reads the poem on the page the picture is in between.

It’s about him, and about how there’s a trace of him on your neck that you’re getting teased for, but you’re saying it’s all worth it because it’s your reminder of what's waiting for you back home. When Alex looks at the picture again, he can see the faint bruise that he remembers sucking on your neck in Matt’s bedroom all those years ago at that house party. It makes him smile, seeing you look like you did back when you first got together, as you don’t look that much different now. You’re still as beautiful as ever but you’ve matured and grown into your beauty. And you have tattoos now too.

There were a few poems about Alex from that summer, that he finds himself smiling as he reads. But the first one with A.T. in the corner that knocks that smile from his face is one that hits him square in the chest.

Is my timing wrong

or am I just that hard to love?

Maybe I’m just

not good enough.

You thinking that you’re not good enough injures Alex’s soul, because it was never that. Alex was just a moron who got caught up in another girl who was actually in front of him for that whole summer who gave him attention and he never should have done it. He should have waited for you to come back home. He wishes he did.

Alex can’t help but think that this will probably be the easiest one of the heart aching ones that you’ve written about him. And the fact this already has made his heart sink probably isn’t the best sign.

Your poems move on to being about Peter after that and they stay that way for a lot of pages. Alex flicks through them, not really paying too much attention to anything you write about your first boyfriend, but when Alex sees M.H.he pauses.

Nothing is wasted.

Things happen for a reason.

A kiss should be simple,

but the taste of you on

my lips that night (searing)

a beautiful complication

Simple? Then why does

my heart long for you

when I’m locked to him.

Alex quickly recognises that you must have written that when you kissed Matty whilst you were still going out with Peter. And at the same time Alex realises he can’t put himself through reading the poems you’ve written about Matty, whilst it’s beautiful, he knows he can’t do it. He promises himself this will be the last one.

The next Alex finds with his own initials on it is dated a few days after your 21st birthday. And this one was about how sweet you thought it was that he kissed you. After that, there’s endless pages that are about Matty and there are somany.

Whilst Alex is searching for his next one, he comes across a photobooth strip of pictures where you and Matty are kissing each others cheeks before finally kissing each other properly in the final photo tucked into one of the poems about him, but Alex has to skips over your words about your ex.

The next A.T. is dated early November 2007, so Alex knows that this is bound to be when you were on tour with him. And Alex knows it must be because from the context of the poem he knows that this must be about the night you finally slept together again.

Supernova

Boy you are a wild thing,

a supernova, a rush of

blood, burning desire.

(Angels could never)

You light up everything

you touch & set my

body electric.

Me and you?

Hearts true,

skin brand new.

Alex reads this one over and over again. He selfishly knows why he repeats the poem, because he knows that when he turns the page it’s going to turn nasty. Because he was so beyond nasty to you back then.

It’s still one of the biggest regrets of his life, leading both you and Alexa on. He should have never done that to either of you, but especially you. He was so stupid to disregard you like you were nothing and it will always be a splinter in Alex’s soul that he’ll never be able to get out. Just like the way the guilt is always slowly eating away at him but he buries it down these days. But reading your poems that follow make that guilt wash over him all over again.

When he turns the page, he finds it dated it dated early December 2007 which Alex knows is after you left the Favourite Worst Nightmare tour after what he did and he takes a deep breath before he reads the poem you’ve titled Betrayal:

You don’t understand

how a piece of you exists

within me. It hides convert,

burrowed in my centre.

My love, my love, my love,

I have learned to romance

ghosts with you: Men who

are all fucking talk and

zero substance. I have

learned a heart can be

feint, untouchable - even

when gripped in a fist.

I have learned you are

not mine but I have

always been yours.

Ours.

I don't understand why

I can’t kill the piece of you

that makes my heart shake.

I don’t understand how

you can look for more in her

when I have cracked open

my ribcage for you.

It makes Alex tear up, and so do the ones afterwards. There’s at least ten from December 2007 and they all progressively hurt more and more as Alex reads them. But he knows you felt so much worse than he does whilst he’s reading them and on some level he knows that he has to read them all because he deserves to feel the pain after he caused you so much more in the past.

Nothing truly gets him like the last one from that month though. You wrote this one after Christmas, the first christmas he remembers you not being at home for, and his one is called Devastation and it hits him even harder.

You are with me

in dreams sweat-soaked

and electric.

You are the reason

for this ache,

this heart burst open.

When I think of you,

the knife twists and

youyouyou,

you cripple me

even still.

You are beyond forgetting.

You are ingrained in

my blood.

What I don’t understand

is why I still care?

I am a car crash when

it comes to love:

Even when my head hits

the dashboard, I spit out

my teeth and

ask if you’re

okay.

It makes him feel sick, especially reading the end of it. The mention of a car crash wounds him as he knows what pain you went through years after you wrote this on paper what a car accident would do to you. And the fact he made you feel as if you were going through something that you later would find out to be the worst pain of your life, makes him start crying.

He’s not entirely sure how long his head rests in his hands and he cries about the way he once made you feel. Your best friend knows it’s a long while and he forces himself to read all of the sad ones before he lets himself move on.

He deserves to feel every once of your pain that he put you through. And Alex really doesn’t know how you managed to forgive him time and time again.

When he finally gets back to grips and he’s not crying anymore, Alex flicks through again, there’s a few more about Matty before they move on to being about Kyle for a while. There’s the occasional one about your friends and there's a platonic one about Alex dated in 2009 about distance and about how you send each other books.

After that a few more crop up about him that show how worried you are about him that were from 2010, after his split with Alexa and he came to stay with you. And there’s more about Matty afterwards. In fact, Matty takes up the majority of the next fifty pages which makes sense considering you were with him for so long.

The poems got Alex emotional again when it reached the year you had your accident and when you split up with Matty. Alex expects there to be a lot in there about the accident, but considering what happened with Matty, he realises that pain combined with the accident merged into one, so he still doesn’t read the ones with Matty’s initials in the corner.

One of them, though, doesn’t have any initials on it. And it’s the simplest poem but it hits Alex square in the chest.

I keep wondering

how sad do I have to be

for someone to stop insisting

everything is going to be fine?

Maybe it hits him because Alex thinks of himself as that someone who kept reassuring you at that point in your life. Despite you not putting any initials it really does seem like it could be about him.

Your poems stay about Matty for a while then, and he sees the dates move to when the AM tour started. At the beginning of that year there were a few more about Matty, probably how you felt betrayed by him going after Alex’s exes but he again skips over them until he finds his initials again. And he smiles when he does.

There are a few cute ones about the two of you getting closer again, some that suggest you want to see if you can be happy with him but with nerves because of what happened last time. They are really cute, ones that Alex wishes he could reread over and over again, but his favourite happens to have something else alongside it.

Alex opens that page and a polaroid falls out of it, one that he hasn’t seen in years but he remembers taking it. The picture of your silhouette as you sit on the decking above some American lake, and the sky is full of colour. Yellows, oranges, and reds all blurring into a stunning sunset, with the reflection of it on the water but you’re at the centre of it.

Seeing that the poem is the one that you wrote when you were sitting in his arms makes Alex’s heart beat faster, and this is definitely his favourite when he reads it.

Back To Life

This is the truth:

You touched me and the

universe fell back into place.

With you I feel infinity and

I wonder how many lives,

galaxies and red-hot nights

will live in our shared bloodstream.

Because it all boils down to

this sweet boy:

You have brought me

back to life.

It really hits him hard that one, and all of the ones after that ooze that you’re falling in love again. And knowing what happens makes Alex’s heart ache, he really could have had you be his back on tour if he’d have just asked you. If the both of you had just been direct like you were last week, you could have been together for 6 years.

Alex guesses that is at least one blessing of growing up. You all learn from your mistakes in an effort not to make the same ones again, and he’s so thankful he can finally call you his.

If he’s remembering the dates correctly, Alex reads another one that is from when you both came back home from the AM tour that is about him.

I learned to love

the most important parts of me,

because you did.

All my fear, anxieties,

quirks, and insecurities.

I overcame the struggle

because you held out

your hand and

offered to walk with me.

Whilst that warms his heart, the ones of heartbreak come next. Ones where you said that you let him go because you couldn’t be selfish to make him stay for you. Others of longing and the pain at him being so far away again and it makes Alex regret that move to LA in 2014 even more than he already did.

Reading the ones about both him and Matty make your constant heartache back in 2016 a bit easier to understand. He can tell from the way you write that you’re so confused by what you’re feeling for two different people and how overwhelming those emotions were for you. Alex starts crying at some of them because of how broken you sound in them. It made him wish he never put you through the stupid triangle.

Then the poems reflected on your 30th birthday party and the ones about him hurt him a fucking lot to read. Again, he deserves to feel that pain. It’s another of his biggest regrets to this day that he’d said that about you and used your virginity as some badge of honour. So when he reads about you actually forgiving him, he cries again in relief.

But then it gets to 2017 and something else trapped in the pages falls onto Alex’s lap. A letter.

One that just reads ‘Y/N’ on the front of it in someone's handwriting that he doesn’t quite recognise, but he knows he’s seen it before. But then it clicks after he thinks why you keep a letter in your most prized possessions, it’s important to you and important enough that you wouldn’t want to lose it. And it’s then he realises it must be the letter that Matty gave you, the one that ended up with you sleeping with your other best friend again.

For years it’s plagued Alex on what could be written in that letter - the one that's now in his hands - that made you rush to Matty and sleep with him again. It kept him up at night thinking about it in the days after you told him what happened.

He wants to know, he really does and when it clicked what it was there was no doubt in Alex’s mind that he was going to open it and read it. But when it comes to him even opening the envelope, he can’t do it.

Alex can’t bring himself to betray your trust like that. It’s unbelievable enough that you’ve even let him open your poetry diary, he can’t just open something that you’ve kept private for so long.

He trusts you enough with what you’d told him in the past and what you said last week that Matty is just your best friend. You will have had your reasons for why you got with him back then and he’s sure this letter in his hands would make him understand. But that can stay between you and Matty. Alex makes his peace with that there and then as he tucks the letter back into the pages of your diary before he starts searching for his initials again.

The 2018 poems begin and the months where you and Alex got together again the time it almost led to a proper relationship have your boyfriend really happy to read. Your writing is astounding and how you convey your feelings through your words is insane.

But Alex knows he’s about to fuck up and hurt you again. And when he reaches the poem where he does, it upsets him again.

In another life

I swallowed every reprieve

and instead

offered you a mouthful

of loathing.

Just not in this one

As he’s been reading all of the ones after this about how hurt you were after he called you what he did and you decided you didn’t want to be with him anymore. Again, entirely fair and he deserves to feel like this as he reads the following ones that also cover that heartbreak.

He reads the other ones that cover 2018, not many more are about him other than one about you meeting accidentally in your spot at the park that day.

The poem you write about your one night stand in January 2019 is amazing. You write about sex like it’s electricity and he can feel the ghost of what happened in his veins as he reads.

He wishes that you were ready for a relationship back then because he would have asked you if you wanted to settle down. It would have saved him the waste of time that was the rest of 2019 for him anyway, and he could have been with someone who actually appreciated him for the person he is instead of being used like he was. Another regret of his will always be that he foolishly didn’t believe what you said about his ex and that he hurt you with that.

The poems that start with the beginning of 2020 are beautiful and happy, but the ones that come after march are bitter in comparison. Your poems turn lonely and sad and it’s so blatantly clear to see that you weren’t doing too well. As Alex reads he can see tear stains on the old battered book that holds your emotions just as clearly as your words.

He too is balling his eyes out reading how broken you feel and he wishes you phoned him sooner than you did. He promises himself that he will never ever let you feel as upset as you clearly were for those few months and he will make sure he does that for the rest of his life.

Alex notices the dates get even more recent now. One a day after he picks you up and it's as if a light had been switched back on and you found your happiness again. And then he reads ones that slowly hint that you’re falling back in love and you say that it’s been dormant for a while but it's always been there. It makes your boyfriend emotional as his heart feels like it could burst. But then he reads ones that have been written this last week, where each of them have that A.T. in the corner and your boyfriend can’t stop crying.

21/06/20

Those little moments,

with my head on your chest

and your fingertips

drawing circles

on the base of my neck.

They are the tiny moments

you are more than my home;

you are my entire world.

~~~

22/06/20

If I were to build a house

I’d have your arms as the walls

Your eyes as the windows

Your smile as the front door

Your heart as the fireplace

And your soul as my light

And in this house

I’d place my faith

Knowing I’d finally

Found a home

~~~

23/06/20

My pen could write

for a thousand people

but it never smiles about them

the way it does for you.

I love you Alexander Turner,

my Shakespeare,

my Darling.

So much.

And then the pages go blank. You wrote that you loved him this morning and even though you’ve said it a hundred times this past week it still doesn’t seem real.

Alex closes the book and puts it down before he just lets himself cry. He’s so overwhelmed with everything that you’ve written that all of his emotions are blended into one and he just sits and cries.

The only thing Alex can make sense of is that It seemed like you both caught feelings for each other even harder at different paces. You caught them immediately whereas Alex noticed them properly about a year later and he made messy life decisions after that.

And after that you’ve been missing each other until you finally got brought together now. Alex is so beyond thankful that he has you now and he will never ever take that for granted.

He’s unsure how long he sat there reading, and now crying, but it’s long enough that you’ve made it back home. Alex hears the front door open and you’re humming as you walk through the door.

Hearing your small, “I’m home.” somehow makes him even more upset, but he can’t not get up because he needs you back in his arms now. As Alex turns the corner, you’re taking your AirPods out and putting your keys on the side and he tears up more just looking at you.

You didn’t even notice your boyfriend was coming up to you until the second before his arms wrapped around you and he gave you the biggest hug he ever has. It’s a lovely embrace that has you smiling, but it quickly turns worrying when you feel his shaky breathing and you realise he’s crying.

Just as you’re about to ask if he’s okay, you hear his choked up voice tell you, “I love you so so much, Y/N.” as he hugs you tightly.

“Alex,” Your arms wrap around him, instantly worried he’s had some bad news whilst you’ve been out. “What's wrong?”

You feel him shake his head as he cries into your neck and he just holds you tighter and “Nothing, I just love you.”

“I love you too, Al.” You promise him, giving him a big squeeze and you run your hand up and down his back trying to comfort him and coax him into telling you what's wrong.

You’re a little worried about him when he just cries for a minute in your neck before you start worrying that something bad actually has happened and he’s not telling you, “Alex come on, what's happened? What’s wrong?”

“I just read everything and I-” He chokes up when he pulls out of your hug briefly for him to wipe the tears from his face as he stumbles over his words, “I don’t know Angel. I’m overwhelmed and I-” He has watery eyes and you can tell just how much he means what he’s saying when he continues, “I just love you so much Angel… I’m so sorry I hurt you for so long.”

“Al, don't apologise.” You shake your head, and reach up to wipe his tears away, “I’m fine, I’m okay.”

“I just love you a lot. I'm so, so, so beyond sorry I put you through all that.” There’s no stopping his tears yet, and he looks broken when he cries in a choked voice, “You must hate me, I'm so, so, so sorry.”

“Alex no,” You promise him, “It's okay.”

He sounds broken when he says, “I don’t understand how can you love me when I made you feel like that?”

“Do you remember what that really clever man once said?” You ask him as you wipe his tears and he sniffles, shaking his head slightly to answer your question.

“‘The course of true love never did run smooth’, Al.” You quote A Midsummer Night’s Dream at him, before you go on to say, “I love you more now because of it all… You know I love you, you’ve just read how much I do. Please tell me you made it to the end.”

Alex nods, confirming he did, but he sniffles, “I don’t deserve it.”

“If you made it to the end then you’ve read how much I love you.” You smile at him, and the small smile he gives you back warms your heart. You really want him to believe you.

“We deserve to be happy, Shakespeare.” You wipe away the fresh tears that spill down his cheeks as you tell him softly, “It’s time to let it all go. It’s me and you against the world now.”

“Are you sure you want that?” It almost breaks your heart when you hear him ask that. “Want me?”

You nod, promising him, “I’ve never been more sure about anything.”

Tears of relief seem to flood his eyes then and he smiles at you as he savours the feeling of you gently brushing his cheeks as you look up at him with such a loving smile.

He wraps himself up into the biggest hug again and as you lean your head against his, he says, “I love you so much Y/N Y/L/N.”

You smile as you whisper into his ear, “And I love you too Alex Turner.”

~*~*~*~ Mid July 2020 ~*~*~*~

“Curly, hey!” You smile as you answer your phone.

You just quickly ran to the kitchen to grab your phone when you heard it ringing but you were pleasantly surprised to see your best friend's contact name on the screen.  

“Wheels! Sweetheart!” Matty’s chipper voice comes from down the phone. “How are you? What you up to?”

“I’m good, thank you.” You tell him as you make your way back to  “And I’m currently doing another box painting for the next gallery. For whenever the world gets back to normal anyway.”

“Hopefully we will get there soon,” You can hear Matty’s smile when he adds, “And oooo, what’s this one of?”

You smile as you look at your artwork. This one was just a scene you conjured up from your imagination and it turned out pretty well if you do say so yourself, “This one is a foggy forest with mountains in the back.”

“Nice one, can’t wait to see it.” Matty says and you know he’s being entirely genuine.

However, today is about him, not you.

“You’re too cute, but anyway, I can tell you over the phone properly now.” You’re grinning like a fool as you say, “I’m so fucking proud of you Matty… Notes is fucking amazing.”

Notes On A Conditional Form came out today and you’ve already had your first run through of listening to it since Alex went out earlier as you painted. It’s so different to their other albums but still has that 1975 magic that makes the songs theirs. And you’re so incredibly proud of them all.

“Thank you Sweetheart,” You can practically hear his grin, “And whilst I’ve got you, Notes was actually the reason I was calling.”

“Oh?” You smile hearing that.

“We’re doing the twitter listening party later on at seven and I wondered if you’re not busy if you wanted to come to the studio to listen with me and George?” Matty asks, and before you can get a word in, your best friend starts giving his reasons, “I just don’t want you on your own when you’re being sensible anyway so having you around for a bit isn’t going to break any rules in our mind nor should it in yours. You shouldn’t be locked down alone anyway.”

“Matty,” You start, “Thank you for the offer but I’m not on my own anymore.”

“Who you with?”

“Alex…” You trail off, really not knowing how Matty was going to take it.

You’ve sort of just kept what’s gone on between you and Alex the past month between the two of you. You hadn’t even told Adam you were giving it another try with Alex yet, you just told him when you socially distanced met up with him the day your boyfriend was reading your poetry books that you were staying at his house, not that you were back together.

“Ah, right.” Matty thinks about it for a second before hesitantly asking, “I’m guessing in more ways than one?”

You feel fucking awful, like you should have had this conversation in person and not over the phone, so you immediately say, “I’m sorry Matty, I-”

“No, no Wheels, please don’t apologise.” Matty is quick to interrupt you, “I was just asking because I didn't want to presume. I just want you to be happy.”

“That’s all I want for you too, Matty. I swear.” You promise, because you do just want him happy.

There’s nothing you want more than for him to find the girl of his dreams who can put up with his excitable ways and for someone who loves him just as much as you once did. He deserves the world and there will always be a part of you that loves him, but you’re both so much better off as best friends it's clear for you both to see now.

“Yeah, I know.” You can hear his smile and that is still present when he excitedly hints, “I’ve got news on that actually.”

“Ooo what?”

“I’ve started speaking to someone.” Matty informs you and you can hear his grin down the phone.

You gasp, completely thrilled for him, “Really?”

“Yeah.” He confirms, sounding really chuffed for himself.  

“Would I know her?” Is your polite way of asking if she’s famous.

“You might.” Matty chuckles before answering, “You heard of FKA Twigs?”

“You’re kidding.” Your jaw drops and you have to pinch your nose wondering how the fuck Matty, your beautifully idiotic now skinhead Matty Healy has somehow managed to take FKA Twigs off the market. “How the fuck have you managed that Matty? She pole dances!”

“I know.” Matty laughs down the phone, clearly finding your shock funny. “I don’t know either Wheels, but it’s going really well. I was actually gunna tell you later on if you were coming round.”

You can’t stop smiling at how bloody happy he sounds, you coo down the phone, “Matty, I’m so happy for you.”

“I’m happy for you too.” Matty tells you sincerely, and your heart melts a bit when he adds, “You know I’m always here if you need me, right Sweetheart?”

“Of course I do, Curly.” You nod, wrapping an arm around yourself in an attempt to simulate one of his. You’ve missed your Matty hugs these past four months. You remind him, “I’m always a phone call away too. You know that.”

“I do.” Matty confirms which makes you smile.

You really need lockdown to fuck off so you can go and hug your friends. You will certainly never take their presence for granted ever again.

“Who knows about you and Al by the way? Does Hann know?” Matty can’t help but wonder.

“No we’ve not told anyone, we've just kept it to ourselves for the time being.” You explain, “But it’s not a secret, tell who you want. I’ll phone Adam after I’ve finished on the phone with you though.”

He chuckles mischievously, “Amazing, Twitter will have a field day.”

“Just like they did when they found out you shaved your head again.” You pointedly accuse because you’re still not happy with him.

The bastard got rid of the mohawk and left a fucking rat tail on his head, and after copious amounts of bullying from you, he finally got rid of that too. But now he just looks like a prison inmate and you need him to commit to growing his hair back.

“So other than the both of us being happy, do you have any gossip? Personal or industry will satisfy my boredom.” You ask, changing the topic of conversation so he hopefully forgets his plan to out your relationship to twitter.  

Matty laughs then, but he can’t help but say, “Alex should be satisfying your boredom.”

“Oh he is,” You grin, knowing exactly what your best friend meant by that, “But I’ve gotta have a break sometimes, Curly.”

The sex you and Alex were currently having was very very nice to say the least. Lockdown was a blessing in that sense, between painting, watching shit tv, talking to each other and your friends left a lot of time for the two of you to get up to no good. And it’s needless to say, you’ve been left very satisfied.

But you can’t help but tease Matty, “Might watch a few more videos of your girlfriend pole dancing if you don’t give me some gossip.”

“Let me think.” Your best friend says quickly which makes you chuckle, but then he tells you the worst thing imaginable, “Oh yeah, so something devastating news for you actually… Catfish and the Bottlemen are no more.”

Your eyes go wide, and you gasp, “What?!”

You can imagine Matty nodding as he confirms, “They are splitting up.”

“No.” You say back in utter disbelief.

You don;t even hear the front door open, you're so in shock. All you can hear is Matty trying not to laugh as he says, “Yeah, sorry Wheels but it’s true.”

With your hand over your mouth, still in utter disbelief you ask, “But why?” like you’re a child who’s having a sulk at your toy being taken away.

“I’ve got no idea. Seems there’s been a few disagreements and shit’s hit the fan.” Matty tells you, “Apparently, they will be doing their confirmed tour dates and then that's it.”

“I’m in pain.” You're frozen to your spot, looking like your world just crumbled down as you exaggerate to Matty, “Immense pain.”

Whilst your best friend chuckles down the phone, Alex walks through the door with all of the food shopping bags on his arms, and he asks slightly concerned, “What’s wrong with you? You look like you’re about to throw up.”

As your boyfriend kisses you on top of your head, you repeat what Matty just told you, “Catfish and the Bottlemen are splitting up.”

“Yeah.” Alex nods like it’s not news to him before he turns and heads towards the kitchen.

You jump out of your seat and follow him, almost shouting, “You knew?!”

“I thought you did.” Alex says over his shoulder as he puts all the bags down in the corner of the room by the cupboards.  

Matty is laughing down the phone as you say in complete disbelief, “I can’t believe you knew and you didn’t tell me.”

“Don’t cry Angel, they weren’t that good.” Alex chuckles before he starts opening cupboards and the fridge to put the food shopping away.  

You jump up and sit on the kitchen island before saying, “I’m surrounded by rats.” and Matty again laughs as your boyfriend chuckles.

“Matty’s on the phone then?” Alex asks, and when you nod, you pull your phone from your ear and put him on speaker. Your boyfriend tells your best friend, “Brave of you to tell her that mate. How are you?”

“I know and good thank you, hope you are too.” Matty’s voice rings out of your phone speakers.  

But you smirk and add, “Oh he’s fucking amazing with his new pole dancing girlfriend.”

“Who?” Alex turns to look at you with a surprised look.

You grin knowing he’ll be shocked when you tell him, “FKA Twigs.”

“You’re kidding?” Alex’s jaw drops exactly like yours did.

You can’t help but laugh, “That’s what I said!”

“Okay it’s getting a bit rude now and you’s can call her Tahliah,” Matty tells you and you bite your lip to stop from laughing. Matty adds though, “By the way Al… Break Wheels’ heart and I’ll punch your lights out and get George to do the same.”

“Noted.” Alex chuckles, having absolutely no intention to ever hurt you again. Changing the topic, “Speaking of notes, we’re listening to it later, right?”

“We are indeed.” You nod confirming for your boyfriend.

“Excited to hear what you think.” Matty says pleasantly, but then he feels the need to remind, “Please both of you remember I wrote it a fucking while ago.”

You chuckle at that because you know he means that songs about you are on there. But you already knew that. You were in the music video to one of them after all. But you’re excited to tweet along later as you both listen to it properly.  

“Don’t worry, it's all good.” Alex chuckles, really not caring if you’re not upset by it.

Matty is entitled to write about his own experience just as much as he is.  

You leave Alex to put the shopping away after the three of you chat for a little bit. You and Matty could chat for days and you probably chat for another half an hour about anything that pops into either of your heads. But then Matty remembers something that will shock you to your very soul.

“Oh fuck.” Matty says randomly as you were gossiping.

“What?”

“I forgot to tell you something…” Matty trails off.

If you were on facetime with him, you expect you’d see the hint of a grin coming onto his lips as you can tell by the way he said that. You’re sure of it.

Which is why you question, “Is it gossip?”

“It is.” Matty confirms, before correcting slightly, “Personal gossip.”

Oh, fuck yes. The best kind… Especially when it’s not about you.

You’re grinning, “Spill, now.”

“Are you sat down?” Matty asks, “You might want to be.”

“Oh fuck,” You immediately feel guilty for getting excited and not realising something could be wrong, “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah everything’s grand,” Matty thankfully eases your worries, but he still leaves you anxious as he says, “Just need you to be sitting for this.”

“Okay… You’re scaring me now. What?”

“It’s George…” He trails off again.

But you prompt him to continue, your heart beating a little faster wondering what the gossip could be, “What about him?”

Matty tells you, “He texted me earlier saying he’d managed to shag the girl he’s been after for a while.”

And just like that your hopes and dreams of George all crumble away.

You pout at that, and you sound a little grumpy as you say, “Well he’s not just shagged me so that’s a lie.”

“You wish.” Matty laughs, expecting to hear nothing else.

He can’t help but find your disappointment funny. But he knew he needed to be the one to tell you, because you’d need the news to sink in first and you’d be too polite for your own good if George told you himself.

As Matty is thinking all of this, you realise you really can’t be upset. You’ve got your man now and you’re very veryhappy with him. Maybe you’re just mourning what could have been and the jokes that can’t happen anymore.

Sighing, you brave the pain, “Come on spill... Who is it? Is she pretty? Do we know her?”

“Oh, you know her alright.” You can hear Matty’s grin.

“Do not say Alexa Chung.” You state bluntly, the idea not funny in the slightest to you.  

Matty cackles at that, but he assures you, “No, you’re safe don’t worry.”

“Who’s he fucking Matty?” You urge him to tell you.  

“Charli XCX.”

Your jaw falls open for the second time today, and you gasp, “No.”

“I promise you.” Matty confirms, but now you’re truly shell shocked and you’re left speechless. So much so that after a minute, your best friend makes sure you’re still there, “Wheels?”

Lucky fucking bitch.

You say as you stare into the void, “I’m deeply unwell.”

“I knew you would be.” Matty chuckles to himself as he can picture the shock on your face so clearly.

You whine, “She’s so fucking fit.”

“I know.” Matty agrees.

But you’re still thinking out loud as you complain, “They must have the hottest, switchiest sex.”

Matty cackles loudly at the pain in your voice. “I’m going to tell him you said that.”

Ignoring that comment, you carry on rambling about this fake heartbreak, “I half feel like he’s cheated on me because he’s not told me.”

Matty quite rightly asks, “Have you told him about Alex?”

“No, so I don’t have a leg to stand on but still I’m in pain right now.” You winge.

“Knew you would be.” Matty chuckles, “We’re all off the market now, Wheels. The shop has closed.”

You nod as if he can see you, but you then go on to the more pressing point, “We need to find Ross someone, stat.”

Matty agrees, “I might set him up a Raya account.”  

“Do it, the man needs to get laid.” You approve, then joke, “If I wasn’t spoken for, I would.”

“Please expect the bro code, Wheels.” You can almost hear Matty’s frown.  

“I’m not your bro.” You state, half offended he would call you that.

Matty chuckles, “You’re my best friend, you are.”

And just as you’re about to argue that you’re had sex with him before so you’re not his bro, Matty swears, “Oh fuck.”

You’re worried for a split second, “What?”

“I’m late for my Zoom meeting with Jamie,” Matty panics a little, but nothings wrong so you take a breath of relief as your best friend apologises, “Sorry Wheels, I completely forgot and he’s ringing me.”

You just chuckle, “Ever the professional.”

“Sorry Sweetheart.”

“It’s alright.” You smile, “Speak to you soon, love you lots Curly.”

“Love you too, bye Wheels.” Matty quickly bids you farewell.

“Bye.” You say back and when the call ends you stand yourself up.

It’s almost too much news to take in. You have to take a breath as you wonder back to the kitchen where you can hear your boyfriend starting to cook.

After you put your phone on charge, you walk up behind him and wrap your arms around his waist.

“Al.” You mumble as you hug his back.

“Yes Angel?”

“Don’t suppose you’ve ever thought about a foursome?” You ask, unable to stop yourself.

Alex chuckles, “With Matty and Twigs, no.”

You laugh a little too as that was definitely not who you were meaning. You correct him, “No, with George and his new girl.”

“Who’s his new girl?” Alex asks absentmindedly, no matter the answer he’s not going to change his mind.

You still can’t believe George has managed to land the stunning woman, “Charli XCX.”

Alex turns towards you at this point, looking just as shocked as you, “You’re kidding?”

“Nope.” You confirm it’s true.

“Christ,” Alex chuckles, “The pandemic has done the rounds for bringing couples together, hasn't it?”

“I know, I know.” You nod, and go back to having a silent moment with him, once again hugging his back whilst he cooks.  

But after a minute, you ask again, “So… the foursome?”

Alex snorts, before telling you, “Get out of my kitchen, woman.”

~*~*~*~ 30th November 2020 ~*~*~*~

“I don’t think we’re ever going to find one, Angel.” Alex sighs as you both get in the car after another disappointing house viewing.

You try to keep both of your hopes up by assuring, “We will.” as you do your seatbelt and get comfy as Alex starts the car.

Your boyfriend just looks visibly deflated though, which is how you’re currently feeling too but you’re trying not to let it get you down. The both of you decided that you wanted to find a home together, because you wanted to build a life together that was your own.

Originally it was Alex’s idea, because he didn’t want to refer to it as your flat or his house, he wanted it to be both of yours together. He wanted to restart with you and you were certainly up for it. You’re really not attached to your flat in London at all, and you’ve been living with Alex since June so you’re certainly up for it.

But the current search hasn’t been going too well.

“Each one has so many cons and it’s infuriating.” Alex huffs as he waits for the car to de-mist. He turns to you and holds up each of fingers for the cons, “Either no studio space or no music room space. It's either all dark and dingy and needs too much doing to it.”

“I understand Al,” You nod, getting what he means entirely, “Nowhere has felt like a home.”

He runs a hand through his once again prince charming hair, but he looks at you and sighs, “We couldn't raise a family in any of the ones they’ve shown us.”

The both of you have talked about your futures a lot recently and the prospect of starting a family has been talked about. Neither of you want anything right now, but the option being left open is certainly something you’re happy with.

You just continue to tell your boyfriend, “We will find somewhere.” as you grab his hand and lace your fingers together.

Alex gives your hand a squeeze and he kisses the back of it before sounding slightly upset as he admits, “I’m losing hope and that's really sad.”

You give him a sad smile hearing that but you do understand. You’ve not liked any yet either and it does get the both of you down. But you just try to stay optimistic but also realistic. It really isn’t the end of the world.

“Well we have the viewing later today and if that goes shit, how about we just put a hold on moving?” You suggest, “We’re not moving because we desperately have too, we’re just doing it for better convenience for the both of us.”

Alex looks like he’s about to argue, but you get to him first and say, “It’s really not that much of an issue me going to the flat to sort the paintings out. I can survive a bit longer.”

“I know, but I also want to make a home with you like we talked about.” Alex sounds so defeated and you just make him lean across the car to hug you for a few seconds.

“Home for me is where you are.” You tell him as you kiss his cheek, “So I’m perfectly fine in the house for a bit longer, Al. I’m in no rush... Let's just see how later goes and if we get a good feeling about it we can see.”

Alex nods and lets you go, grabbing your hand again as he nods, “Yeah, you’re right.”

“I always am.” You chuckle and squeeze his hand, “You never know, the one later is a little further out of the city. More room there. And if you want to, I don't mind not being in London, we can go back home and look up there.”

Alex smiles at that idea, but he outs himself for not being able to wait around for anything, “I just can’t wait to build a life with you any longer. Need everything now.”

You grin at him and lean over to steal a kiss as you tell him, “I love you, Mr Impatient.”

“Love you too, Angel.” Alex mumbles against your lips as he kisses you back.

~*~*~*~

“So this one has most of the things you were asking for.” Your estate agent Anna tells you as the three of you walk up the drive of the gorgeous looking house.

“Lots of natural light, which I know you wanted for your art studio, Y/N. There's another decent sized room that could easily be turned into a home studio for you, Alex. It’s a little bigger than you wanted, but more space is never a bad thing.” She goes on to tell you as she gets the keys to the house out. “It's a four bed, two bathroom. Master has an ensuite, and there's an open plan kitchen and dining area. And the lounge is fairly big with a fireplace. There's also a pretty much brand new conservatory on the back and a big garden too.”

“Well it certainly sounds good.” You smile as she starts unlocking the doors, “Looks it too from the outside.”

The drive can easily fit a few cars on there which is nice, and there's a tree that currently has no leaves in the corner too. The outside of the house looks huge, somewhere that you would dream of living when you were a teenager and never imagining it would be possible for you to have. You just hope inside lives up to the outside.

Anna smiles at you both, and she says, “Fingers crossed this is the one for you both, I have a good feeling,”

“Let's hope it’s a good one.” Alex nods as she opens the front door.

Anna gives you the tour around and you must admit the more things you see of this house, the more you can see the potential in it. This is one of the few that you’re actually letting yourself get excited about.

The room Anna thought about as your art studio is perfect, there's enough natural light so you could paint in there and there's enough room to store your paintings and all your supplies too. There’s nothing you don’t like about it.

And Alex seems to like the room that she envisioned as his studio. You could already picture his guitars on the walls, a drum kit in there, a keyboard, there was enough room for everything.

The lounge is fucking huge, bigger than the two of you need but it’s cosy and if theres a future where the two of you ever decide to expand your family the house certainly accommodates to it. The joint kitchen and dining room is astounding too, you wouldn't change a thing in there, you love all the units and so does Alex.

Upstairs is just as good. All the bedrooms and the bathroom are beautiful and the only thing you would change about them would be giving them some colour on the bare white walls. You can certainly picture yourself and Alex in the master bedroom too. The whole house is stunning and the both of you get that excited feeling in your stomach as you look around.

Anna lets you wonder around by yourselves for a little bit where you get the relief of knowing that the other person has a good feeling about this house too. And as you come back downstairs, you realise you’ve not looked outside yet or been in the conservatory.

“Do we get to the back garden through the conservatory, Anna?” You ask, looking back to her setting her iPad down on the kitchen island.

“Yes there is a door in there and there's a door in the utility room too, but feel free to go out that way, the key should be in the door.” She smiles.

Both of you think that the conservatory has the potential to be very cosy, and there’s no neighbours facing this way either, the garden just seems to be surrounded by trees so it gives the garden some privacy which the both of you like.

“Lets go check outside.” You suggest as you slip your coat back on, and Alex follows you out.

It's a nice big garden. Big enough for your friends to come over for a BBQ in the summer, or if your family did expand a swingset, trampoline, or a pool could easily be put up and little ones could still run around it freely.

Even though most of the trees have currently lost their leaves due to the time of year, you still feel like this is a lovely place. Lots of light gets into the garden and you know even when all the leaves come back it won't feel suffocating. You really love this house and Alex agrees with you when you say it as you head back inside with him.

“What did you think?” Anna asks as she steps into the conservatory to meet you.

You nod, “It’s lovely.” and Alex nods agreeing with you.

“It really is, especially in spring and summer.” Anna smiles, and she looks out of the window and nonchalantly adds, “That cherry blossom tree makes the garden look beautiful.”

Instantly you and Alex look at each other like you’ve missed something. Because you’re certain you would have seen a cherry blossom tree outside if there was one.

It’s Alex that questions it, “Pardon?”

“That tree at the end of the garden,” Anna points to the big tree with no leaves at the very end of the garden, “It's a cherry blossom… When it's spring it blooms and looks stunning. I’ll find the pictures for you.”

You and Alex look at each other then as the estate agent looks through her iPad and both of you share the same look. The both of you entirely full of hope and you're sure the warm feeling must have hit his chest like it just did yours.

“There you go,” Anna hands her device over to you which shows an image of the back garden with all the trees in bloom.

But there’s a huge stunning cherry blossom tree in the centre of it, and it looks stunning. It looks like the one you painted on the big canvas that Alex secretly bought at your gallery.

Anna adds, “It’s the same as the small one out the front.” and she swipes on her screen which shows a smaller cherry blossom which is clearly the tree on the drive that had lost its leaves.

Both you and Alex look at each other again, this time with smiles tugging on both of your lips and you just know. If this isn’t a sign, you don’t know what is.

In reality, the both of you know that there is no need to look around again because you’ve both fallen completely in love with the house. The cherry blossoms have just confirmed it for you.

Regardless though, just to confirm it, you take another look around all the rooms as if you don’t know that you both want this house. And when you meet Anna at the front door, Alex grabs your hand and you smile at each other before your boyfriend says, “We would like to make an offer please.”

~*~*~*~ 7th April 2021 ~*~*~*~

“Hey!” You smile brightly as you open the door to your cousin and his girlfriend, “Come in, come in.”

“God, I'm so glad to see you Carly.” You say as you pull her into a hug, “I’ve missed you loads.”

“I’ve missed you too.” She says as she hugs you back.

As Alex greets your cousin, you tell her when you pull out of the hug and admire her long hair, “Gosh, every time I see your hair I wish mine was still as long.”

“It’s growing back.” She grins as she twists a strand of your hair.

You chuckle, “Yeah, just not fast enough.”

At that point the both of you turn to the two men. And you can’t help the massive grin that comes to your face when you look at Adam.

“Bro,” You grin as you hug your cousin, “It’s good to see you.

“And you B,” He tells you as he gives you a tight squeeze, “Missed you loads.”

“I know, these lockdowns need to fuck off.” You let him go as he says, “Really hoping that was the last one.”

From January to March this year, there was another lockdown in the UK. One that was a blessing and curse. A curse because the country was suffering from high Covid rates again, but a blessing because in those 3 months you had got the keys to yours and Alex’s house and you finished making it your own.

“I think it will be,” Adam is clearly hoping that was the end of another bout of self isolation too, “Don't think the country will survive another.”

You nod, agreeing, “Can’t wait to get back to normal.”

Adam hums in agreement and then he looks around the hall and around what he can see of your new home and says, “The house is stunning.”

“Ahh thank you.” You smile, the pride washing over you when you take a look around yourself.

Carly asks the both of you, “Did you get everything finished during the lockdown?”

“Yeah, we did.” Alex nods, and he grins at the memories of the both of you covered in paint in domestic bliss.  

Getting this house with you was certainly one of the best ideas he’d ever had and he would change nothing about it for the world. And on the rainy days recently, Alex had loved cuddling up with you in the conservatory where you would read aloud for the both of you as he was playing with the ends of your hair and his eyes would flick between you and the cherry blossom tree that had started to bloom at the bottom of your garden.

“Come on,” You link Carly's arm and say, “We’ll give you the tour.”

You take them round your home and you find yourself really proud to show it off. You’ve made it your own and every room that you walk into, you feel that pride that you felt each time you finished decorating a room during lockdown as you show them your home.

Once you’ve given the tour, you all walk into the kitchen so you can make them a drink. It’s so nice to have them around, you’ve really missed everyone again over the lockdown, you just can’t wait for things to go back to normal now.

And you’re really excited for your little housewarming party in a month's time. You can’t wait to have all your friends back together.

“It's gorgeous B.” Adam smiles as you hand him his cup of tea.

You grin, “Thank you.” as you take your seat next to Alex.

“Was talking about Alex's studio but sure the rest is nice.” Adam teases you.

But you just shake your head and tell him, “You’re a little shit.” as Carly nudges him for you.

All of you chat for a while and you have a really good catch up. You talk of how lockdown treated you all, about how you really hope life will get back to normal soon. You laugh about your funny lockdown stories over lunch and you can’t remember the last time you’ve had so much fun.

Well actually, you can remember the last time. It was in November when you finally got to hang out with all of your favourite people once again back up in your old flat, and Y/B/F and Charlie were back living together as the fact you all now had a vaccine on the horizon made the future look a whole lot brighter.

You felt like your family was whole again. Your Monkeys and your 1975 boys and your best friends all in one place. It felt like a birthday party, you were so happy.

Of course, you still got the flirty banter from George which Alex didn’t mind about, but what made your boyfriend giggle was when Charli started flirting with you too and you all but crumbled at it. Matty was still a terror and the banter between you was still exactly the same, he bullied you for anything and everything and you did the same to him.

That day you took it easy on him though because his girlfriend FKA Twigs aka Taliah had joined the party, but you did tell him that you were really happy he was happy in a moment you had when you joined him for some fresh air when he went out on your old fire escape to smoke. You really hoped for the best for him as he’d been with her for a while by that point and it was easy for you to see he was in love with her.

It was such a good day, and you’re remembering it fondly in an anecdote before you and Alex clear all the plates and make your cousin and his beautiful girlfriend another brew. Once you both return and all of you wonder into your lounge, you notice that the couple take each other's hands and seem to silently communicate with each other before smiling and looking back towards you.

“We’ve got to tell you something.” Carly smiles at the both of you and she grabs Adam’s hand making the statement even more suspenseful.

“Oh?” You smile, feeling like you know what this could be.

You and Y/B/F bet back on that day in November that in the next 6 months Adam would propose to Carly. And Alex knew about this bet too so you both glanced at each other subtly thinking that this really could be it, which makes you hold your breath with a nervous eagerness to hear what they have to say.

But then you’re shocked to your very soul.

“We're having a baby.” Adam grins at you.

Your eyes go wide with excitement, but you lose your words as you look between them, “You’re… you’re…”

“Yeah.” Carly nods, understanding your speechlessness.

“Oh my,” You trail off, immediately tearing up as you and Alex both stand up to hug the parents to be. Both of you say at the same time, “Congratulations.”

Adam makes a beeline for you, which you find really cute because you were going to go for Carly first. But you embrace your cousin so tight and you really don’t want to let him go.

You can hear Alex congratulating Carly whilst you and Adam just silently hug each other as you try not to sob down his ear. You think the hug says a lot more than you ever could.

You love the man in your arms like he’s your brother and you’ve so beyond happy for him. He deserves nothing but happiness and this is going to be the happiest thing to ever happen in your family.

“You’re going to be a Dad.” You cry happy tears as you squeeze him in the tightest hug you ever have, “I’m so happy for you Ads.”

“Thank you B.” Your cousin sounds a little choked up too.

You think about just how amazing he’s going to be with a baby and you can’t help but repeat yourself in a little chuckle of disbelief, “I can’t believe you’re going to be a Dad.”

Adam laughs, “Neither can I.”

“I’m going to spoil baby Hann rotten.” You promise him, already formulating a plan for everything you’re going to do for this child.

“Oh, I have no doubt.” Adam chuckles before you give each other another big squeeze and you let go to see he’s just as teary eyed as you.

You smile and wipe away his tears for him but you don’t bother to do your own because as soon as you look at Carly the waterworks start again. She’s tearing up a bit too as you trap her in a long hug.

“I'm so beyond happy for you, Carly.” You tell her and she thanks you as Alex tells Adam how elated he is for him.

You and Carly hug each other for a while too, probably too long but it feels like the both of you need it. And you’re giggling in each other's arms for a few minutes as you talk about how happy you are for them both and you promise her too that you will spoil her child rotten.

When you finally let go of her, you all sit back down but you’re far more invested in this conversation than you have been with anyone ever before.

Alex asks Carly with a bright smile, “How far are you?”

“Twelve weeks.” She grins.

“Who knows?” You have to ask, because you need to silently scream about this to someone after they have gone.

“Just the parents and now you two.” Adam tells you, “Had to come and tell my sister before the rest of them.”

Once again, the love and pride you feel for them being in your family and now making their own hits you square in your chest. You’re so overjoyed for them. You can’t wait to phone your Aunt as soon as Adam leaves.

“You’re gunna be a proper Auntie.” Adam grins and that makes your heart burst and tears threaten to come to your eyes again.

Alex pulls you into a little side hug as he laughs as he tells your cousin, “You’re going to have her sobbing.”

“I saw your eyes well up Turner, it’s not all on her.” Adam outs him which makes you giggle a little as Alex’s hug brings you some comfort.

“Are you going to find out if it's a little boy or girl?” You have to ask them.

And Carly excitedly tells you, “No, we’re going to wait.”

“I’m so so happy for you.” Is the one thing you keep repeating.

After talking and congratulating them for another 5 minutes, Adam nudges Carly with an excited look on his face and says, “We better go and tell the others.”

“Who are you telling today?” You have to ask so you don’t blab about it to someone you’re not meant to.

“The boys.” Adam grins, “Can’t not tell them.”

You chuckle a little as you think about it, “You’re going to make Matty cry.”

“What an early birthday present for him, ey?” Carly grins as she gets up to hug you, “But we’re telling him last because he will tell the others before we get a chance to.”

Alex laughs hearing that, “Probably a good idea.” as he pulls Adam into a hug.

“Yeah I know my big mouthed best mate well.” Adam laughs, hugging your boyfriend goodbye.

As you hug Carly, you promise her, “Your little one is going to get so spoiled.”

“I know.” You can hear her smile.

And when you pull away from the hug, you look down towards her stomach and you say directly to baby Hann, “I promise I'll give you all the chocolate you want. I’ll be the best Auntie ever.”

Carly giggles at that and when you look back up at her, she assures you, “You will be.”

“I love you,” You have to hug her again after that, “You’re going to be the best Mum in the world and thank you so much for making my little brother happy and giving him his own family.”

“We love you.” Carly tears up hearing you say that and she gives you a tight squeeze before she pulls back and puts a hand on her stomach and says, “And we can’t wait to meet this little one. He’s going to love you just as much as we do.”

“If you need anything please let me know.” You offer, “Anything, honestly.”

“Well, we might rope you into painting some animals or something in the nursery.” Adam grins as he moves so he can hug you now.

“Just say the word, I’ll bring everything, I’ll do anything.” You offer up your services, as it would be an honour to do for them. You can already picture the room that they would use in their house, it will be so cute.

“You’re going to be the best Dad.” You tell Adam as you squeeze him tightly.

“Don’t make me cry any more.” Adam laughs, “It’s been an emotional few months.”

“I bet.” You giggle before you tell him sincerely, “I love you so much Bro.”

Adam squeezes you tightly, “I love you too B.”

After the couple leave, you and Alex have a silent scream together, entirely buzzing that the family is going to be extended. Alex can’t help but feel like it's his brother that’s having a baby too, he feels just as happy as when all the other Monkeys told him that they were expecting.

But this hitting you so hard as it's your actual family has him feeling the joy even more intensely, and Alex fully intends to marry you one day so Adam is his actual family now too. Both of you know it’s the lives of being an only child that makes it feel even more special, but you’ve never felt so happy for someone before.

“Auntie Y/N/N and Uncle Alex, ey?” Alex brings you out of your thoughts. “Great ring to it.”

“It does, doesn’t it?” You grin and you get a little emotional again.

But that happens for the rest of the day. When you phone your Aunt up, you get in your feelings about hoping that you’ll be as good of an auntie as her to baby Hann and both of you just cry on the phone to each other for a long while as you wait for the others to find out.

You cry when each of the boys phone you after they have been told. It’s unsurprising they started with Ross as he is the most calm and collected of them all. And then they went to George and then Matty and by the time Matty found out it was about 6pm.

Instead of phoning you like he was going to, Matty drove to yours and Alex’s house in the rain so he could get excited with you both in person. And the three of you really did. You were planning gifts for them, Matty had a few ideas of things he wanted to commission you to paint for them (things you will absolutely not be charging for).

The other boys came round later in the evening too to join you and you all had the best time. You did phone Adam and Carly to come back too but they were driving up to Sheffield so they could tell Y/B/F and Charlie before going back to Manchester to tell more of your family.

All of you toast to Adam, Carly, and Baby Hann and the cutest family in the world that they will be. And with how much everyone in your house adores that couple, you know you’re all going to be the happiest family. You have no doubt at all.

~*~*~*~ 11th June 2021 ~*~*~*~

“Do you fancy a road trip?” You question your boyfriend as he stops playing his guitar. You walk into his music room and stand behind him as he’s on his stool to hug him from behind and you pre-warn him, “It’s a long one.”

Alex asks you curiously as he stops playing, “Where to?”

“Well it’s this place right, and someone wrote a song about it.” You try and fail to hold your grin as you answer him without actually answering him, “But it’s going to take us more than a forty-five minute drive to get there but not quite a seven hour flight.”

Alex puts his guitar down hearing and twists around on his stool. You see a surprised yet pleased look on his face, but his smile is bright when he wraps his arms around your waist and asks, “You wanna go back home?”

“Yeah,” You nod, wrapping your arms around his neck as you smile. “I need to go to my old house. My tenants are moving out so I need to decorate and get it back on the market.”

Your boyfriend's smile gets so much bigger hearing that and he excitedly grins, “So we’re going back to 505?”

“Yes.” You giggle loving the grin on his face, “About a week's trip if you’re willing to help me decorate?”

Alex leans forward to kiss you sweetly before nodding, “Course I will.” because there isn’t a chance he would miss going back to where it all started.

“Amazing.” You grin and because you’re a fool and you’re completely and hopelessly in love with the man in front of him, you quickly sit on his lap and shout over to your Amazon speaker, “Echo, play 505 by Arctic Monkeys.”  

And Alex chuckles as the song begins to play before he pulls you into a kiss.

~*~*~*~

Walking into your old home after your tenants handed you the keys back was a little strange. Obviously the place had been gutted and it was back at its barebones, almost exactly how you left it years ago.

Alex joined you at the front door after the family drove away and he held your hand as you unlocked the house and stepped inside. It’s been years since you actually had to come back into this house, and it’s a little eerie being back.

Memories of your childhood and teenage years flood back to you, both happy and sad ones as you both walk around the lounge, dining room, and kitchen. This home ultimately just makes you miss your Dad though, that's the overall feeling when you first walk in.

The memories of you and your friends chilling out in the lounge or kitchen come back to you and make you smile as you wonder back around the rooms that used to be the only home you knew. You find yourself getting really nostalgic as you walk around.

You only have very few memories of your Dad, but the ones you remember of him playing with you when you were a child, you tell Alex as you pass the spots in your old home that they happened in. Alex smiles and asks you questions about him and you answer all of them. You love that he wants to know more about him and what he was like.

Alex was always one of the few friends that always had asked what your Dad was like and that was something you appreciated because you didn’t want to bury his memory like your Mum usually does. So you tell him anecdotes that you either remember yourself or that you’ve been told about as you explore the hold house.

The stories were more family based whilst you were down the stairs, but as soon as you go up the stairs and you open the door to your old bedroom, you go silent. With Alex only a step behind you, the wave of nostalgia really hits you. For the briefest second, when you opened the door you could picture it as your bedroom again.

The old box TV constantly on the music channel in the corner, the low bed, your drawings pinned to your wall, your fairy lights hanging around your window, sheets upon sheets of poetry you printed off for free at school littering your floor. As you step into the room, you can practically picture everything clear as day.

Something feels lighter about being in the room now than it did the last time you were in it. You remember not wanting to be in this house so badly when you left it in 2008, but now it feels less bitter and it only brings back the good memories.

Memories must be flooding back to Alex too, because as you look around Alex watches you as he leans against your door frame and he smiles as he quietly says, “Where it all began, hey?”

Your cheeks go hot hearing that and you try not to grin like an idiot. The memories of that night really hit you hard as you're standing in this room and it's unsurprising when you get a little flustered and have to look away from him.

“How long after did you write the song?” You have to ask as you sit on the edge of the bed frame that the family had left behind.

“God,” Alex chuckles, “It was in the drafts for a while.”

Your boyfriend walks into the room and sits down on the floor in front of you then, looking up at you as he recalls, “I think some of it straight after… But it was mostly when I started thinking about you again when we became really close friends that it got all horny.”

“Teenage you was something else.” You giggle.

“Was just thinking back to us in here every time I saw you and my mind went straight down the gutter.” Alex owns up to it. “Rarely stopped thinking about you Angel.”

You smile hearing your nickname being said in the room he first said it in. But you can’t help but point that out, “You called me that for the first time in here.”

“Almost in the exact same positions, just swapped.” Alex grins, remembering it fondly.

You hum in amusement, “Yeah, didn’t take me giving you head to call it me this time.”

“God,” Alex groans a little, playfully saying, “That was the best night of my life.”

“Not exactly what I recall you saying last weekend, but sure, we will go with the night we lost our virginities.” You laugh a little then as Alex gets to his knees to shuffle forward to kiss you and shut you up.

He kisses you like you’ve both got all the time in the world, which you guess you do. Your fingers lace into his hair which if styled differently, he could probably look like he did back when the both of you lost your virginities.

Alex playfully bites your bottom lip to pull you into another kiss when you went to pull away from him, but you indulge him for a little longer. You try your best not to smile and ruin the moment but it gets a little difficult because you’re so happy.

Your heart feels like it could burst out of your chest with how much you love the man that’s kissing you. You just know he’s it for you, your everything, and the fact you're in the room where it all started has you a little emotional.

When you eventually pull away, you lean your forehead against his just to savour the moment with him.

After a silent minute, it’s Alex who asks as he pulls back and looks around the blank room,  “So where do you want to start?”

“Trip to B&Q and get the beige and white paints for all the rooms and we paint the days away?” You think out loud.

Alex nods approving of your plan and he smiles as he sits back on the floor.

“Sorry it’s a little boring.” You apologise in advance.

You know this won’t be as much fun as you both decorating your house because you’re basically taking the house's character away to let whoever ends up moving in to have a blank canvas to make their own. It will be a lot of boring white, grey, and beige painting of walls for the both of you.

But Alex shakes his head and assures you, “Nothing’s boring with you.”

That makes your heart ache with the love that you have for him again. And instead of saying it for the millionth time today, you show him in your own special way.

You smile as you tap your collarbone and you adore the way that your boyfriend’s face lights up completely. Alex’s own heart swells seeing you tap the words he once wrote you that have proudly displayed on your body and whilst he wants to tell you that he loves you verbally again, he settles for smiling back at you and tapping his own collarbone.

~*~*~*~ June 24th 2021 ~*~*~*~

Today you’ve given yourself the afternoon off painting 505 because it’s your birthday tomorrow and Y/B/F asked if you’d come round and see her which you and Alex currently are doing.

You’ve made plans to go out with them both for your birthday tomorrow and you’d had a great catch up with them. But you and Alex are currently in your old bedroom boxing up the last of your things to move down to your new home.

Both you and your boyfriend were left to do this after your best friend and her fiancé asked if you wouldn’t mind. Of course with not living with her at all anymore, you said it was fine and going through your stuff really wasn’t a hardship. It felt like you were going through your old memories with each thing that you picked up.

Alex is of course being a gem and helping you. And he’s currently taking all of your old books from your shelves and boxing them up for you as you collect the last of your shit from the drawers under your desk.

You’ve been going through things for about half an hour now, and you’ve already filled 3 boxes of stuff when Alex asks, “You’ve never read this have you?”

And when you turn to see which book he means, you immediately know he’s right. You never ended up reading that book he gave you.

It was the book he hand delivered to you that day you were packing to go back over to your Aunt and Uncles for their wedding. The same day Matty came around a little after him and they both made you try your dress on for them, and you remember just thanking Alex for the book and putting it straight on your shelf where you clearly forgot to pick it back up and read it.

“No, I guess we sent that many to each other I never got around to that one. I'm sorry.” You apologise as you walk over to him.

“It’s okay…”Alex smiles, genuinely not minding as it was only an old poetry book at the end of the day. Lot of memories in this book.”

“How'd you mean?” You ask.

Alex taps the book a few times before he reveals, “This was sort of the final nail in the coffin for me and Alexa.”

Of all things, you really weren’t expecting Alex to say that.

“What?” You ask a little dumbfounded.

Alex sighs like he’s finally just got something off his chest, “Yeah.” And you see that he then checks a page near the back of the book and reads over whatever it is before he smiles slightly and closes it again.

Still confused about why a book Alex ended up giving to you helped end his relationship with his ex, you end up needing to get clarity, “I thought that yours and Alexa’s schedules-”

“It was that.” Alex jumps in, confirming your right, “But when she came back to the flat in New York when we were on the break before we properly split, just after we were talking things out she found that book and she read the quote in the back that I annotated about a month after we started on the break of sorts.”

“I don’t remember you telling me about a break.” You say honestly, because you just remember how heart wrenched he was about the split.

“I didn’t want to tell you.” Alex tells you honestly, “I didn’t tell anyone, until now I guess.”

“I loved her but I wasn’t in love with her anymore and this proved it.” Alex shakes the book in his hand, not looking sad about anything, maybe just a little nostalgic which you understand.

But you can’t say you’re not curious when Alex explains, “She wasn’t angry or upset with what she saw, probably the reason why we’re still on alright terms because we’d been growing apart for a while before that anyway… But yeah, she read that and she was moving her stuff the same afternoon, and the day after I was on the phone to you telling you I was coming home.”

It seems a lot to process as you’ve not heard about any of this before now. But you have to know what’s been lying dormant on your shelf all these years.

“What did you write?” You ask curiously.

Alex hands you the book, his finger holding the page open for you, “Read it.”

And when you open it, you really weren’t expecting what you found.

~~~

“I fell in love with her courage, her sincerity, and her flaming self-respect. And it’s these things I’d believe in, even if the whole world indulged in wild suspicions that she wasn’t all she should be. I love her and that’s the beginning and end of everything.”

- F. Scott Fitzgerald

This is how I feel about you Angel, always and forever. AT x

~~~

“You're an idiot.” You shake your head as you read the quote and his writing over and over again.

Alex knows he is. The month that he and Alexa went on their break he had been leaning on your friendship so much more and just from that month and every other part of your history, it made him realise his huge mistake.

And reading that poetry book that he found in particular which was all about love, it made him think so much of what he had felt for you in the past and what never really went away, and not what he was feeling for Alexa anymore. It was when he knew he needed to call it off for good.

Alexa just happened to pick up the book to see if it was hers but when she opened it and saw that at the back, they both knew it was time. Time to separate and go back home and for him to deal with his real feelings.

Alex doesn’t expect it, but when you look back up at him he sees that you’re a little teary eyed when you say, “You could have saved us a lot of time if you told me I needed to read this back when you handed it to me.”

Your heart feels like it's swelling and aching with longing in your chest as you tell your boyfriend, “This is the shit I dreamed of happening to me when I was younger.”

Alex pulls you into a hug, and you hold him tightly still not fully believing that has been on your shelf for the past decade and you’d not once touched it.

Your boyfriend makes you chuckle when he playfully says, “I think it’s your fault you didn’t read it sooner, if I'm honest.”

Knowing he’s only joking, you chuckle as you say earnestly, “I really wish I had done now.” and you hold him impossibly closer.

“It's always been you Y/N/N,” Alex tells you, and he kisses your temple before he admits, “Just took me a long while to realise it.”

You genuinely have to take a few minutes in his arms to process it, and when you eventually do, you look up at the love of your life and tell him once again, “I love you, Shakespeare.”

“I love you so much more, Angel.” Your boyfriend smiles before he leans down and kisses you sweetly.

Just as you’re about to let each other go and get back to your separate jobs, a voice shouting the both of you stops you.

“You two best not be shagging in the baby's future room!” You hear Y/B/F yell but it makes you and Alex stop dead.

You’re frozen in your spot for a solid few seconds just looking at your boyfriend as you both process the words you just heard. You have to ask him, “Did she just?”

“She did.” Alex answers immediately and he looks to your old bedroom door.

Both of you walk towards it and immediately walk back into the lounge seeing Y/B/F and Charlie sitting there with grins on their faces. You don’t have to ask because you know from the look on her face that she said that on purpose and that she is pregnant.

But you don’t blame Alex for wanting the confirmation, “Are you?”

Both of them nod before saying, “We’re pregnant.”

The way you dive for Y/B/F would be funny to her if she wasn’t already getting teary. The hug she receives is the best and biggest you’ve probably ever given each other but how can you not when your best friend since you were 3 years old has just told you that she’s expecting her own baby.

This is again another thing you really weren’t expecting to happen today and the mascara running down your cheeks is enough proof of that. You sit and cry with your best friend for a solid five minutes as you get information out of her.

“You can’t tell anyone yet, it's too early, but I missed my period and only just realised.” She tells you as you wipe each other's tears away, “Charlie got us in with his friend for a quick scan after the test came back positive… I’m ten weeks.”

Tears are freely running down your face when you ask, “When did you find out?”

“Yesterday.” She tells you, “I was going to phone you, but then Charlie phoned his friend and got us the appointment for yesterday afternoon just to make sure everything was fine because I didn’t know and I’ve had a few drinks this past month.”

“And everythings okay?” You have to know before she continues explaining.

“Yeah, everything's fine.” Y/B/F nods, getting emotional again as she confirms, “We’re all fine and healthy. ”

Your best friend grabs your hand as she continues, “And then I was going to tell you to come last night but you’d already texted asking if you could come today and I wanted to tell you both in person.”

She looks at Alex then and you look at him for the first time since you found out and it makes you more emotional when you see he’s all teary eyed for her. You can see the love he has for her plain as day on his features and you feel like you probably look the exact same. This is just as important to you as finding out Adam is having a baby.

You get a little nostalgic, thinking back to the days when you used to think about this moment in your futures, and you ask your best friend, “Remember when we always thought we’d both find out if one of us was pregnant when we’re with each other?”

“I was telling Charlie.” She laughs nodding, and looks at her fiance who looks just as emotional as the rest of you.

“She said you’d be pissed she wasn’t with you when she did the test.” The nurse tells you with a little laugh.

“Not angry, don't worry.” You chuckle and wipe away your tears, “Just very very happy.”

And after you give your best friend a kiss on her cheek you get up to give Alex a moment with her whilst you open your arms up to her fiance.

“Charlie, give me a hug please.” And he doesn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around you tightly.

You hug and talk for a little while as you tell him how happy you are for the both of them. And of course you cry a little, but for you and Charlie that’s standard. That’s how your friendship began and you don’t plan on changing anything about that.

And then you think about what brought him into your life and you can’t believe that it was almost 8 years ago now.

“Don’t shout at me for saying it, but I really never thought I would say it and actually mean it,” And you’re entirely honest when you say, “But I’ve never been so happy that car crash happened.”

And you do actually mean it. You’d go through it all again if it meant everyone in your life would be as happy as they are right now.

“Shut up, you idiot.” Y/B/F scorns you straight away but you don’t care. But she does make you smile when she says, “I would have found him anyway... It was fate we would meet. I have no doubt about it.”

“I do too.” You laugh a little, having no doubt about it. But then you look at your best friend and really look at her and how happy she is and tears spring to your eyes again. You can’t help but tell her, “God, I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” She pulls you in for another big hug and you wish you could stay in it forever.

You truly love this woman more than any other on the planet. Yes, you always call George your soulmate but in reality it’s this woman in your arms that has got you through every part of your life. And you’ll love her forever for being there for you as much as she has.

You can’t wait for her to have this baby and eventually marry Charlie who is the person that makes her the happiest in the world… Wait, the wedding.

“And before the wedding,” You shake your head and look down at her stomach and tap it gently, gently scorning the baby, “You’re ruining the hen party I’ve planned out, young one.”

They are due to get married in 2 months time. After all the push backs they have had because of the pandemic, you know they won't postpone again, but this means you definitely can’t be doing the things you’ve planned for the hen party. But you guess you’ll let your unborn niece or nephew off just this once.

Charlie, Alex, and Y/B/F laugh hearing you say that and you chuckle a little too as your best friend promises you, “We will go all out as soon as they arrive, I promise… Two drinks and I'll be plastered then after not drinking for so long.”

After an afternoon full of crying and telling each other you love each other a million times, your best friend hugs tightly as you’re saying goodbye to each other and whispers, “Happy early birthday present.”

You grin as you try your best not to burst into more tears, you’re so happy, “Best birthday ever.”

~*~*~*~ July 6th 2021 ~*~*~*~

For the last month with only a few days off for your birthday, you’ve been finishing up 505 and you must admit, for days you couldn’t wait to be done. Decorating was tiring but also really fun when you have your best friend who’s also your boyfriend at your side helping you out.

Alex made everything fun. Whether that just be his playful nature or keeping you motivated with the amazing playlist he put together to keep you going it always did the trick. His flirting was also encouraging, even if sometimes it ended up hindering your progress.

For example, when you both got to decorating your old bedroom, the flirting was off the charts. Your cheeks were hot all day and it got no better when you ended up having a small fight with the paints that ended up with both of your clothes coming off and paint ended up everywhere. On your legs, on your arms, on your face, and other places that the both of you found comical when you had to wash it off each other in the shower.

The way each of you could tell where your hands had been was the funniest part of it and it made your cheeks heat up as you could practically still feel his touch all over you with the visual reminder helping the memories come back.

And whilst that was a fun day, the rest of the days all seemed to blur into one long and boring project. You just wanted to add more colour to everything but you knew you couldn’t for the sake of the new tenants.

But today is the day. You’ve finally finished painting the entire house.

Everything looks clean and brand new and you’re so fucking thankful its all done. And you can tell Alex is too.

You lean back into your boyfriend as he wraps his arms around your waist and hugs you from behind. Smiling at the trail of kisses he presses onto your shoulder and up your neck, you praise the both of you, “We finally finished.”

“I think we should celebrate.” Alex says as he leaves a teasing kiss on your neck.

“We can’t shag again, Al.” You shake your head, knowing that you really can’t.

Yes the time in your old bedroom was fun, but you’re decorating for it to be someone else's home. You can’t defile it before you put it back up to rent out.

He laughs into your ear which makes you chuckle too, but you feel him shake his head, “No, look outside… The weather is stunning. Let's go get some food from the shop and a bottle of something and let's go to the park. We can’t stay in here, the paint fumes will kill us off.”

You smile knowing that ‘go to the park’ means go to your spot. And you think it’s a good idea.

“Get a taxi back to the flat later then?” You crane your neck so you can look back at him.

“Yeah,” Alex nods, “It's going to be a stunning evening. Let's grab a blanket and some wine and food and let's just stay in the park.”

You’re grinning like an idiot, “Yeah, good idea.”

And the both of you are sitting under your cherry blossom tree within an hour of leaving 505. The air is warm and you end up having a picnic of sorts to start off with.

Both of you got a lot of food from the shop before coming here and you both indulged in all the food you chose. You put the blanket down underneath the tree that is still looking glorious and such a vibrant pink in today's sunlight, and after the picnic you and Alex lay there for a while just relaxing and listening to music.

When you were packing up the last of your stuff at Y/B/F and Charlie’s the other day, you picked up Persuasion to reread and you brought that with you to finish off too. Alex had his own book he was reading so the both of you read peacefully for a long while.

Eventually the two of you needed more light as the sun kept shifting, so the both of you moved to the bench after a little while. And you lay down across it with your head resting on Alex’s thigh as you both continue to read.

Absent-mindedly, you end up holding each other's hand when you get immersed into your novels as Alex’s hand hangs across the back of the bench and you’re ever so slightly reaching up and keep interlacing your fingers with his. It’s peaceful and it's beautiful and you wouldn’t change anything about it and neither would your boyfriend.

The peace is only disturbed if either of you speak up, which isn’t all that often, but when you reread the letter in the book you just get the urge to want to read it out loud so your boyfriend can hear the beautiful words that are on the page as well, “Al, listen to this-”

“What's it about first?” Alex has to ask, needing even just a little bit of context so he can appreciate what you clearly think is good enough for you to want to tell him out loud.

“You’ve not read Persuasion? Austen?” You look up at him and ask curiously, thinking he would have definitely read this one in his time.

But you're left a little surprised when he shakes his head, “No.”

“You want me to tell you?” You ask and Alex smiles and nods prompting you to continue. You explain to him, “Long story short, she was persuaded not to marry this man nearly a decade ago and now he’s just written this to her and it's everything.”

“Okay go on,” Alex prompts you, and Alex listens and watches as you read it for him.

“I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight years and a half ago. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant. You alone have brought me to Bath. For you alone, I think and plan. Have you not seen this? Can you fail to have understood my wishes? I had not waited even these ten days, could I have read your feelings, as I think you must have penetrated mine. I can hardly write. I am every instant hearing something which overpowers me. You sink your voice, but I can distinguish the tones of that voice when they would be lost on others. Too good, too excellent creature! You do us justice, indeed.” You trail off a little before the end of the letter Frederick writes to Anne.

You look up into Alex’s eyes and ask, “How beautiful is that? Austen was a fucking genius.”

Alex is already smiling down at you, but he nods, “She really was.”

You talk about it for a little bit before going back to the books again. But silently the both of you think over the line ‘I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it’ a little bit more because you find it so relatable in so many different ways.

But being here with Alex by your side now, you wouldn’t change anything about your own story for the world. You’re the happiest you’ve ever been here with your boyfriend and you love him so much you can sometimes barely find the words to describe how he makes you feel.

The amount of times over the past year you’ve stared at the page in your poetry diary for a good ten minutes wondering where on earth to start writing about how you feel about Alex is something you’ve lost count of. At this point, he is just an extension of yourself. You love him so much that your heart aches in the best way for him all the time.

Even as you spend your day with him doing nothing but reading out here, in your spot in the park, it’s not a waste of a day. And that’s because he’s by your side. You adore spending time with him no matter what you’re doing.  

You end up finishing your book and sitting up beside Alex where you rest your head on his shoulder and look out across the stunning view of Sheffield. It really is a gorgeous place that you grew up in. You miss being here all the time but you’re happy that you always have the excuse to come back up here to see your best friend and to come back to this spot which means the world to you.

Alex ends up putting his book down not long after you and the both of you watch the world go by as the sun slowly starts descending making the sky change colours with it. As it does, Alex starts playing with the jewellery you have on which isn’t all that different from what your quiet moments in your own home end up like.

But this time, your boyfriend smiles as he twists your Death Ramps ring on your little finger with one hand and he hooks his finger into the bracelet he bought you which has the Only Ones Who Know lyrics engraved onto it. Alex sounds really happy as he says, “I’m really happy you still wear these, you know?”

“Well,” You respond playfully, “The person who gave them me means a lot to me.”

Alex smiles and plays along, “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” You nod in confirmation, your smile never leaving your lips.

“Sounds like a great guy.” Alex tries not to grin but fails.

“He is.” You confirm for him, “The best I could ask for really... My boyfriend and everything now.”

“Lucky man.” Alex smiles.

You him like you’re not so sure but only because you want to say, “Not as lucky as me.”

The small facade ends when Alex leans in to kiss you, and you kiss him back enjoying the cute moment between you. It’s short and sweet, but it serves the purpose despite the both of you grinning like fools in love through the entire kiss.

“I love you so much.” Alex tells you as he looks into your eyes.

“I love you too, Darling.” You smile, not having called him that nickname in a short while.

“Thank god,” Alex sighs in relief, and you’re about to ask why the playfulness until he continues and it all becomes clear. Despite the big cheesy grin on his face, you know that he isn’t joking when he asks, “Because I really wanted to ask if you’d marry me?”

And then Alex lifts a boxed ring up from beside him and offers it to you, his smile never once wavering.

Yours becomes a million times bigger, as the fact he has a ring in his hand means he’s been planning this for God only knows how long, and the moment was perfect. You don’t waste another second before giving him your answer.

“I’d love to marry you.” You nod, your heart beating erratically in your chest.

“Thank god.” Alex chuckles and before he lets you lean forward and kiss him, he grabs your left hand and he quickly takes the ring out of the box before sliding it onto your finger.

As soon as it’s on, you kiss Alex like your life depends on it. Everything you’re feeling right now is poured into the kiss and it is just pure joy and complete love and adoration for the man you now get to one day marry.

You love him with the whole of your heart and you truly want nothing more than to be his officially. Because you always have been his, one way or another.

You kiss each other until you have no breath left and until you can’t keep the smile off your face as you’re too desperate to tell him you love him over and over again. Alex doesn’t hesitate to keep telling you either.

But once the both of you process the moment enough to tell each other something other than your love for one another, Alex lifts your hand up which is now home to your engagement ring and he asks, “Do you like it?”

You look at it properly now, and it’s just like what you’d always dreamed of sitting on your ring finger. Taking it in and seeing just how happy your fiance is has you telling him, “It’s beautiful.”

Truthfully, you don’t think you’ll ever forget how big Alex’s grin gets as he simply says, “Had to match you.”

And you’re unsure how your heart doesn’t burst there and then. The ache of too much love for the person who’s been your best friend for so many years whilst simultaneously being so much more really overcomes you.

You almost want to scorn him when he gets in there before you to say again, “I love you so much, Angel.”

“I love you so much more Shakespeare.” You giggle, “I can’t wait to marry you.”

Alex nods, chuckling to himself as he reiterates those words back to you before he cups your face and pulls you into another kiss of a lifetime.

Austen really got it right. Your heart is more Alex’s than your own at this point. You’ve been through it all together and despite everything, he’s here by your side and you love him with everything you have.

You’re his Angel. He’s your Shakespeare.

Each other’s everything from the very start.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A/N: Thank you so so much to everyone who has stuck with me as I’ve been writing this fic. It really means a lot and I really hope you enjoyed the story and Wheels and Alex’s ending! Their story doesn’t really stop here… I mentioned a surprise that you’d all shout at me about and the surprise is that a small part of Alex and Wheels ending has been posted on my main account since before I ever posted the first part of NRIACC (told you you’d shout at me lol)… That little oneshot All Of You is a little extra part of their ending that I hope you can read/reread now and enjoy a little more. Can also catch Wheels and Alex’s ending continuing from a distance in Chicken Shop Date and they will appear in Part 5 of it when it eventually comes out (it’ll be faster than this fic I promise).

Anyway, just want to again say a huge thank you for sticking with my mental story and I really really hope you enjoyed the ending x

Note: I picked a few poems out for Wheels poems (wish i could have said i wrote them all but I'm not that good). I wrote the one that was about Matty. My friend @drinkurkombucha​ wrote the poems that have titles above them, and the others I found on Instagram. Full credit to the writers of those ones, a few were by courtney peppernell others were found on the lovequotes instagram page.

Taglist: @psychkunox​​​​​​​ @sofiaaraee​​​​​​​ @thewheeler​​ @cold-hands-cold-eyesss​​​​​​​ @xovalliegirlxo​​​​​​​ @vroboat​​​​​​​ @hoodskillerqueen​​​​​​ @woahhealy​​​​​​​ @emmaheg1005 @belledawnidk​​​​​​​ @elen-alambil​​​​​​​ @megann-duff​​​ @alexsvacuumcleaner​​​​​​​ @bshelley322​​​​​​​ @g0thwat3rr​​​​​​​ @cassieinnit​​​​​​​ @ohmyolympusssywp​​ @filling-thevoid​​​​​​ @xqueenkt​​​​​​​ @indierock4ever @amturners​​​​​​​ @alovesreading​​​​​​​​

#alex turner x reader #matty healy x reader #alex x reader #matty x reader #alex turner #matty healy #alex turner fanfic #matty healy fanfic #alex turner fanfiction #matty healy fanfiction #arctic monkeys #the 1975 #matt helders #george daniel #jamie cook #adam hann #nick o'malley #ross macdonald #miles kane

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

if you get this, answer with your top 5 music artists and send it to the last 7 people in your notifications <3

Top 5 artists? Do people have top 5 anything? That is a foreign concept to me. I have like 50 top artists. But since you were so kind to send this to me and I love asks let me see how I can answer this.

Let's start at the beginning. We usually start by listening the music our parents listen to, in my case my mom. She loves music. I've been to more concerts in her belly or on a carrier that I ever been to after that. So the first of her obsessions that she passed on to me were The Beatles.

Yes it's a cliché, but it's so for a reason. I love all of it but this song holds a special meaning to me.

I love all types of music. One of my first loves that didn't come from my mother was Sinatra. And when I found him, I found everything else. I still love him, but I'd say that my favourite artist from that time would have to be Nat King Cole. His voice just does something to me.

Now let's leave the past behind and focus more on the present.

Like I said before I don't really do concerts, for a bunch of reasons. So if by my own choice I choose to go to a concert it's because I love them. And the band that has the honor of being my first concert, that I chose to go, was Green Day. It was obviously a long time ago but I still listen to them.

I must've listen to this song on repeat a thousand times.

Kelly Clarkson. Now she never made it here, but I would do anything to be able to see her live. I've been a fan since she was on american idol. I don't have her voice but I've spent many hours singing her songs with all the feeling if not the voice. And this song will forever be iconic to me.

Now since I've talked about concerts before, let's close it out with my last one. It was 5 years ago. Robyn. It was at a festival, my only time at one, and I went mostly because of her. She's an incredible performer, and it was an incredible life moment that I'll never forget. I was there with my best friends in the whole world and she delivered an incredible performance.

So yeah I gave way more information than it was required but I'm in a good mood and I like to talk a lot. Of course these are just 5 of my top. There are so many more.

#rose answers #rose listens

[duckduckhjonk]

Ok off I go infodumping, yes, once again Mayhem related, they're forever in my brain and I cannot get them out

Note! This is long... And a mix of silly and not so silly... Take warning at that :3

I've colour coded them so you know which is which dw!!

Ok so to start off I wanna give a bit of my interpretation of the order they all joined the band in(silly headcanon)

The obvious is Teeth and Floyd were first, but I think maybe like one night while they were in a crummy motel or staying at a rented place for a bit is when Animal was dropped off with Floyd. Next I think Janice joined, like I've said on my rp blog, she was a waitress and watched them play a small show and immediately felt like she had to join. So she quit her job and did so. Then Zoot, again going off the rp blog, he was found on the side of a diner trying to get a bit of money. Lastly, of course, Lips joined. I like to think still he was introduced via the Muppet show. At first he was just supposed to be one of the guys in the orchestra, but the band liked him(I plan on writing a fic about him officially joining) and asked him to join.

~

My next topic would probably be moreso what I plan to do with Floyd's parents in my writing of season 2.(Serious headcanon)

I was originally going to be a bit more extreme with this, but given some of my other plans, I'd rather save that for a possible season 3 if I get there. I still wanna introduce his family though. A lot of it is projecting my issues onto him, of course my family issues aren't nearly as bad as the ones I gave him, but y'know, there's some projection within this.(Note; the projection is the favouritism my parents show, nothing else really)

Floyd's parents are overly militaristic. Made him enlist, was the reason he stayed for so long, y'know. But he never cared for it. He knew his destiny was music all along, that's why after he was fed up with it, he got himself discharged. Afterwards he cut mostly all contact except for with his sister. I imagine his sister is a tech kid and was the only one to show interest in military, hence her being much more The Favourite Child. The only reason he ever did still contact her was she never bullied and belittled him as bad as their parents did. He was fully pushed to cut contact with his sister the night he got Animal. He knew if he told her, his parents would get involved and possibly take Animal from him, and he wanted nothing to do with that.

~

3rd topic time! I wanna discuss Zoot's weird powers. I know it could just be Regular Muppet Bullshit but shut up I wanna talk about it in depth.(Silly Headcanon)

So I mostly have boiled it down to around 3 options. Godhood, Alien, or learned magic as a kid. The 3rd option is prob the least likely imo, I already have full backstory planned for Zoot, it wouldn't fit much. Although the other 2 seem a whole lot cooler. Alien would be interesting because that'd be two camera using blue muppets played by the same guy who just so happen to be aliens of some sort. I also like the thought of godhood. Imagine a god who had their memory completely wiped and got sent to earth. He knows nothing and just learns how to play sax and joins a band after much struggle to get accustomed to living in the mortal world.(By struggle I absolutely will discuss that in the backstory)(Prob not today but you'll get it in mayhem season 2) It would probably be the best option to explain some of this stuff, like I imagine him accidentally gifting his shoe with life and just going along with it. Would the other gods ever come to get him? Maybe but they think he's doing fine down there.

~

That's it for now, I've said a lot and got a lot off my mind about these losers, I love them btw.

#duck infodumps #muppets #the electric mayhem #zoot #zoot muppets #floyd pepper #muppets mayhem #the muppets

[invisibleraven]

It's not the way you look, it's the way that you...

When Reggie texts Julie asking what she wears to bed, she has no idea what to think, or where the conversation will go from there.

On AO3!

So I saw this post and immediately thought: Rulie, this is so Rulie. So you guys get this little bit of nonsense, please enjoy!

Julie hummed along to the low music playing from her laptop, kicking her feet behind her while she doodled away. It was too early to go to bed, but too late to do much of anything else, so she was just wasting her time before she forced herself to sleep. She was honestly debating an ill advised late night PB & J when her text alert sounded, and she grabbed her phone.

Reggie: What do you wear to bed?

Julie’s eyebrows flew up-where had that come from? Sure, Reggie was a flirt, and she flirted right back, but neither of them had pushed for more than that, content to stay flirty friends and writing partners whenever Reggie got the itch to pen some country songs. Would Julie like for them to be more? Maybe, but after she and Nick had blown up, then she and Luke had fizzled out, she wasn’t sure she wanted to risk another friendship.

But if Reggie was out of the blue starting what felt like a sexy conversation? Well Julie was cool playing along to see where it went.

Julie: Black lacy bra and booty shorts ;)

She was not, of course, wearing either of those things, but there was no way Julie was telling Reggie she was wearing floral jammie pants and a Sunset Curve shirt she may or may not have stolen from him. Plus it was fun to imagine just how flustered Reggie was in seeing her text. She bet he turned as crimson as his favourite flannel. Making him blush was half the fun of flirting back honestly.

She held her phone a little tighter as the three little dots appeared, then disappeared, back and forth, until finally Reggie’s next text appeared.

Reggie: k, but what about when it’s cold?

do you wear warm pajamas?

MeeMaw is making me get rid of my X-men jammies, and they’re about your size.

Julie sat up at that. While her mother had gotten her into music, her dad had gotten her into comics. It wasn’t an interest she widely published, but she loved reading the adventures and exploits of superheroes, particularly the mutants of the Marvel universe. People gifted with unique abilities and despite the world hating them for these gifts, choosing to help humanity rather than fight against them. While America Chavez was her go to cosplay, a part of Julie’s heart would always belong to Professor X and his gang.

Reggie had come across her reading the comics one day, and instead of teasing her, he enthused over the title she was reading, and showing her his own collection. His favourite was Nightcrawler, and Reggie had gotten her all the copies of Excalibur he owed, with Julie coming to really love the fuzzy blue guy.

So she knew exactly which pajamas that Reggie meant-ones with a hoodie that looked like Nightcrawler’s uniform and flannel pants that were covered in the X-man logo. She had coveted them for forever, Reggie looked so comfy and snuggly in them when he wore them to band slumber parties, and Julie wanted that level of comfort while repping her nerdy side.

She then saw another text from Reggie and melted a little as she read it.

Reggie: i swear they’re not gross or anything, they’re clean, but i can wash them again if you want, i know you like them

Julie: Yes please!

Reggie: cool, I’ll bring them next comic book day?

Julie sent a thumbs up in reply. Every Thursday they walked to a local comic shop to pull their new titles, check out new stuff, and occasionally splurge on a figurine or Funko Pop, with Reggie proclaiming that one day their band would be big enough that they would be here, immortalized in vinyl for fans to buy. Julie hoped he was right.

She glanced over to her phone again, at the sweet gesture Reggie had made, and decided fuck it, throwing the chat log up on her tumblr page, no caption or tags, and left it, browsing a few other sites before calling it a night, not even thinking about it before she slept.

Only when Julie awoke, her phone screen was full of notifications. Messages and reblogs with shouty tags from her friends and followers on tumblr.

Smashley: Girl if you aren’t dating this guy, I will!

Katie-Cakes: #marry this guy now #nothing says i love you like x-men

Jo-Jo-Jo-Your-Boat: #any guy who buys you i was thinking of you gifts #is worth at least a smooch #if not a date

Inn_Your_Wildest_Dreams: Please tell me you said yes to the jammie guy and he asked you out immediately after

Jaybird: #not where i thought this was going at first #too adorable for words #relationship goals #you guys are going to be in a relationship right? #cuz i’m shipping it like crazy

There were countless more, all along the same trend; she needed to date Reggie.

Julie worried her bottom lip, unsure. Yes, Reggie was sweet, she knew they had some chemistry from their play flirting, and had a lot of similar interests. And it wasn’t like Reggie was hard on the eyes either, with his punk style and classic good looks. But it was still Reggie!

Reggie who made her laugh so hard she snorted in a totally undignified way. Who indulged her love of romantic comedies while she sat through his sci-fi favourites. Who encouraged her to branch out musically, and their country songs were pretty darn good as a result, even if her fiddle playing was still less than stellar. Who shared his desserts with her at lunch time, his comics whenever he came across a storyline she might like. And now, here he was, offering her something he had treasured just because he knew she would like it.

Julie touched her cheeks, feeling the burn against her palm, the way her smile was stretching her cheeks. “Oh God, I like Reggie,” she whispered to herself. Sure she had thought along the same lines before, but now she felt like it might be time to throw caution to the wind and act on it, reservations about what this would do to their friendship be damned.

Now what was she going to do about it?

Julie pulled up her conversation with Reggie once more, and looked over the words from the night before, and at her growing tumblr notifications. And maybe her thumbs started moving all on their own.

Julie: I put our convo from last night on the internet!!!

Reggie: Wha??

Julie: I put it on tumblr! You should see the response!!!

Reggie knew of tumblr, that Julie knew, but he confessed that social media wasn’t really for him. “I prefer my technological advancements to stop in the 1990’s,” he had quipped, and Julie had laughed, telling him he had been born in the wrong decade.

“Plus you run the band’s Insta page!”

“Yeah, photos I get, I did all Sunset Curve’s promo stuff,” Reggie admitted. “And Insta is way easier than making posters. But blogging and stuff ain’t my jam.”

Reggie: isn’t tumblr an art site?

Julie: Yeah sort of

But also not really

It’s complicated Anyways, my post got a huge response

Reggie: shit

Oh no, Julie instantly panicked. What if Reggie came to the same conclusion as all her followers and was about to let her down easy? Or get mad at her for putting it up without his permission? Sure she had blacked out his name, but still… those were his words, unfiltered for anyone to see.

She was about to offer to take the post down when Reggie texted her again.

Reggie: i lied to millions on the internet-MeeMaw isn’t making me get rid of my jammies, she thinks they’re adorable

I got the same pair for you at target

They were on sale though

No they weren’t, that’s another lie

I’m sorry tumblr

Can they see this now??

Julie giggled, kicking her feet in the air. Oh gosh he was just too adorable! She didn’t care that the pajamas he wanted to offer her were second hand-that way they would already be that comfy sort of worn, plus they would smell like Reggie, and that boy always smelled nice, unlike many of his counterparts. Reggie knew what soap was, and how liberally to apply aftershave-aka the tiniest dose of something woodsy, not the litre of Axe that Nick favoured, or the eau of body funk Brett from Economics wore.

Still, Julie needed to reassure Reggie. Even if this follow up was so going up as well, but at least this time he’d get some warning.

Julie: Nope!

I’ve gotten a bunch of messages telling me to marry you though

Julie held her phone tight after that as the three little dots telling her Reggie was typing appeared and disappeared, and she was seriously cursing their existence. Maybe she should call him, laugh it all off, go back to their norm.

Reggie: we could start with coffee?

can i pick you up sunday at ten?

Julie: You can pick me up in an hour if you like

Reggie sent her back a wide smiling selfie with him giving her a thumbs up and she squealed before scrambling to get ready.

“Julie?” her dad asked from the hallway. “Are you okay? I heard screaming!”

“Fine papi!” Julie called as she dashed for the bathroom. “I’ve got a date!”

Ray smiled to himself, and it grew when he heard Julie start to sing as the shower started. A country song if he wasn’t mistaken, and he wondered if he should brush off his shovel talk for Reggie or just confess he had been waiting for this day for a long time instead.

Only when Reggie rang the doorbell just about an hour later, Ray didn’t say anything, the boy looked nervous enough, clutching the stem of a single red dahlia in his hands, his smile not as brilliant as it usually was. Ray clapped him on the back, squeezing his shoulder. “She’ll be right down mijo, you want anything while you wait?”

Reggie shook his head, but blew out a breath and turned to Ray. “I really like her, you know. I would never do anything to hurt her.”

“I know,” Ray replied, sipping from a glass of water. “I’m sure it’s the same for her. Just remember to be kind to one another, and to stay friends, no matter what else you may or may not become to one another.”

There was thundering footsteps down the stairs, and Julie appeared in the kitchen doorway. She was in a sundress with puff sleeves, decorated in peach coloured flowers, her curls down and shiny. “Hi,” she said to Reggie, looking and sounding almost shy.

“Hi,” he said back, shaking himself and offering her the flower. “You look really pretty.”

Julie took the bloom and stuck her nose into its petals in an effort to hide her blush. “You clean up pretty nice too,” she finally said. Reggie gave a mock twirl, showing off his khakis and black polo.

“Figured I should put in some effort,” he said. “You ready to go? I thought we could enjoy our coffee on a walk in the park, maybe catch a light lunch after that?”

“I’d like that,” Julie said, handing her flower off to her dad as she took Reggie’s arm. “Bye papi, I’ll be back later!”

Ray waved, but watched from the window as Reggie helped Julie into his truck and bit back a smile as he saw Reggie hand Julie a bag, which she laughed out loud at when she opened, pulling out a weird looking hoodie. Kids these days, he’d never get them.

It wasn’t until he was heading off to bed that night that he had a chance to catch up with Julie. Who was wearing the weird hoodie he had seen a flash of earlier, and pajama pants he had never seen before, but recognized the logo of. Ray couldn’t help but grin at seeing Julie indulge the nerdy side he had nurtured in her. He wondered if Reggie got them for her, given his own love of comics. If so, that definitely made him a keeper.

“Good date?” he asked slyly.

Julie looked up at him, and sighed. “The best.”

“Going on another one?” Ray asked.

“Papi,” Julie whined with an eyeroll. “Yes, we’re going to check out this little farmer’s market tomorrow, and then maybe do a little window shopping on the boardwalk.”

“Sounds like fun,” Ray said. “You two seem good for each other. I’m glad you gave him a chance.”

Julie grinned, and hugged herself. “Thank the internet.”

Ray shook his head at that. He would never understand his daughter-or the internet. So he wished her goodnight and went off to bed.

It wasn’t until many years later, when Reggie and Julie were visiting for the holidays during winter break and they were sporting matching pajamas that he even got the full story. And well, Ray still didn’t get it, but he had to admit, they made a pretty cute couple. Especially when they posed for a photo later, still in their matching jammies, but with Julie’s brand new engagement ring shining on her finger.

#my stuff #fanfic #writing #rulie #julie and the phantoms #rulie relajante

[misskattylashes]

Following @yellowloid analysis of Something to Rely On.  I thought I would continue the theme but with a much happier song – Baggio from Miles’ upcoming album One Man Band.

As always this is just my opinion. I don’t claim to know how Miles’ mind works, but he has already said that the song is autobiographical.

I am going by the assumption that Alex is the love of Miles’ life, and that the song is about their very complicated relationship, and Miles coming to terms with his sexuality.

Let’s begin…..

Destiny, it’s playing hide and seek with me

It’s messing with my memories

The ones that always get a hold of me

I feel this is directed at Alex. On the surface it looks as though they are destined to be together, but by playing hide and seek he doesn’t know where he stands.  And even though it seems they are destined to be together, his memories of how Alex has treated him in the past come back to him.

Baggio, you’re showing me the way to go

When I was feeling lost and low

I used to sit and watch you steal the show

This is I think about Miles coming to terms with his sexuality. He has spoken of how transfixed he was by Baggio and the Italian team at the 1994 world cup. He has spoken of liking how the men looked. In 1994 Miles would have been eight, just before puberty when one becomes aware of the difference in the sexes, and it is possible young Miles found himself drawn to boys, and seeing a flamboyant player like Baggio and indeed the rest of the team made him feel more confident about how he felt.

The deepest dark despairs

Romance in our hearts will leave us there

It leaves us in a heap upon the floor

Yet still I’m wanting more

 This I think is talking about internalised homophobia. It causes deep dark despair but the longing for romance never leaves even though it is soul destroying.

 Wannabe, you’ll never be as strong as me

You’re fighting with the enemies

The ones that always get a hold of me

And here we are back to Alex Turner, and controversially I think the wannabe is Louise, Alex’s girlfriend. Wannabe could be taken on two levels. Louise is an aspiring musician, she also has a tendency to be a Jane Birkin wannabe.  It could also be taken that she is a wannabe version of Miles ie: the person Alex loves. The enemies that always get a hold of me are Miles feelings for Alex. He considers them enemies because they have caused him emotional damage in the past, but he can’t let go and he is prepared to fight.

I’m crying out in dreams

Where I am something more than what you see

I’m not talking impossibilities

To bring us back together

The line ‘crying out in dreams’ is interesting as is links back to Shavambacu (and let’s face it we all know this is about Alex) ‘Well I’m crying for just one name – I made it up in a dream I had’. Something more than what you see, this may well have been written when they had decided to be friends and Miles believes that is what Alex sees him as, but in his dreams he hopes they can be ‘together’

Rambling on and on

Like broken pieces from your favourite break up song

Those words don’t mean a thing where I come from

But I’ll sing them forever

This last part, links to my theory that Mirrorball is about Miles and Alex’s break up in 2017/18. Mirrorball is clearly a break-up song, and interestingly, Miles uses the line ‘broken pieces’ rather than ‘lines/words from your favourite break up song’.  What would be in broken pieces if it was shattered? A mirrorball (let’s not forget Al looked up at the mirrorball in London when he was calling Miles on stage).

Those words don’t mean a thing where I come from.  This is a phrase with two meanings. Literally it means where he comes from ie; Birkenhead!  But it can also be used to mean that’s not my opinion. In other words, in his head, they haven’t broken up.

But I’ll sing them forever – This is Miles’ way of saying he will go along with this for now (I think forever just probably fitted melodically better than ‘for now’ or whatever.)

So, to conclude (this is like being back at university) my take on Baggio is that it is Miles coming to terms with being gay/bi, and that when he was a child, his feelings for Baggio and the other Italian players, helped him come to terms with it. In his adult life it has caused him despair, but he can’t fight who he is.

He is also coming to terms with the fact that he is still in love with Alex, and he is prepared to fight for him should Alex decide he feels the same way and doesn’t just want to be friends.

Once again, that is my take. It literally could just be Miles singing about how much he loves Roberto Baggio, and a load other words he has put together that sound nice.

#miles kane #mk5 #one man band #miles kane lyric analysis #milex #alex turner #baggio