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everybodyshusband · 9 months

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this is technically a request fill for a couple of anons but turned into what's basically a vent fic, so i didn't feel comfortable wasting your requests on it. to those anons, your requests will be filled properly at some point, i promise.

cw for self-hatred, and desires of self-harm and suicidal thoughts while regressed. please also be aware that there is one line where rain considers killing an animal because he's so angry. this work is not suitable for regressed kiddos or littles.

but ! without further ado, 2.2k words of rain trying to hide his regression from dew and having a breakdown about it under the cut.

“Rain?”

The water ghoul looks up from his bass at the sound of Dewdrop’s voice, carefully schooling his expression into something typical of how he acts when he isn’t regressed; when he’s normal, his brain unhelpfully supplies. He clears his throat, giving himself a little more time to prepare himself for the conversation ahead. “Hey, sundew. What’s up?”

The words come out easier than he expected them to, but it still feels so wrong. He’s not supposed to talk like that, he’s not supposed to direct the conversation. He’s supposed to crawl into Dewdrop’s arms and let himself be held and loved, but he can’t. Can’t, because he has so much to do today. Has so many assigned duties on top of everything else he’s wanted to get done all week. He can’t focus on any of it if he’s regressed, so if he pretends to be fine—to be normal—then maybe he’ll be able to do what he needs to.

He’s jolted out of his head by Dewdrop’s voice. “Want a practice partner? I– I’m kinda struggling with some of the solos…”

The hesitation in the fire ghoul’s tone immediately sets Rain on edge. Dewdrop needs comforting, he thinks, but that’s not something the water ghoul is able to do when he’s regressed; not well, at least. Still, Rain tries. He smiles what he hopes is a regular, reassuring smile and reaches an arm out, ushering Dewdrop to sit down next to him. The gestures come to him easily. It’s a relief, but he can’t help the small voice in the back of his mind telling him the reason he’s able to pretend to be normal is because he pretends to be regressed.

(Which isn’t true. He knows it’s not. It’s proven by night curled up in Swiss’ arms, unable to murmur even a single word because he’s just too small to do anything else. By all the times he hasn’t been able to function without someone holding his hand, guiding him through the day. Alas, it’s never been something he can stop thinking. That he’s a fraud; so desperate for the attention of his packmates that he’s resorted to lying, deceiving them, in order to gain a shred of affection, a kind word here and there.)

The fire ghoul grins happily and sets himself up quickly, eyeing the music on Rain’s stand to gauge where he should flip to in his own music. “Rats, eh?”

“Mhmm, wa– Rats.” He turns away from Dewdrop, cheeks burning as he clears his throat and attempts to brush the slip off as something catching in his throat. “Good bassline. Hard when you haven’t played it in months, though.”

Dewdrop hums in agreement. “Mmm, I can imagine.” He fidgets with the tuning pegs, tilting his head in Rain’s direction, silently asking for a note to match. Rain obliges. “D’you wanna start from the start, or…?”

“Start’s fine,” Rain smiles. He knows the start best, he’ll be able to do it, he’s sure. He can ignore the brain fog. He can pretend. For Dewdrop, he can pretend. The fire ghoul seemed insecure and burdened enough when he asked to run through the solos. He doesn’t need Rain’s regressed headspace making anything more difficult for him. “Uhm…” he begins, unsure; failing already. “B– Backing track?” He stutters on the B and the K is over pronounced in compensation of his difficulty with the letter, but Dewdrop understands—and more importantly, he doesn’t seem to notice.

“I think we’ll be fine, right, Rainy?” He turns to smile at the water ghoul, eyes so soft and gentle, but there’s something underneath his tone that makes Rain fumble his bass.

“W– Why are you calling me ‘Rainy’ like that? You only say it like that when I’m… small.”

Dewdrop’s smile falters slightly, but his eyes remain warm. Kind. “Well, you can tell me if I’m wrong, but I thought you might’ve been feeling a bit small, love. Am I right?”

Rain readjusts his bass on his hip, refusing to meet Dewdrop’s eyes. “N– No… I– I feel fine,” he lies. “Normal. ‘M good. Promise.” He knows Dewdrop doesn’t believe him, but he can’t help but hope that maybe he’s convinced the fire ghoul. After all, Dewdrop has things to do today as well. He can’t blow off a whole day just to help Rain. Rain can’t ask him to do that.

“Are you sure, puddle? You’re not just telling me that because you feel bad about being small?”

“...Oh. Uhm… N– No?” Rain does his best to sound convincing but he knows there’s no persuading Dewdrop now, not when he already knows.

Dewdrop fixes him with a look, still adoring, but stern. “It’s not nice to lie, my love.”

And just like that, Rain’s facade crumbles.

His eyes fill with tears as he curls in on himself, hugging his bass tightly to his body. “I– I’m sorry, Dewy,” he cries. “I– I didn’ mean to! I’m sorry sorry, I’m really, very sorry. I didn’ mean to lie, ‘m sorry!”

He rocks back and forth, doing his best to self-soothe but it’s not working. He doesn’t know how to calm down. Doesn’t really know why his reaction to Dewdrop’s gentle chiding is a breakdown. He knows the fire ghoul was only trying to nudge him out of his pretences but he can’t help but listen to the voice in his head that whispers softly, cruelly.

He hates you for lying to him. He’s never going to talk to you again.

You got too comfortable with him. Shared too much. He doesn’t want to take care of you. He only does it to have an excuse to tell you what you’re doing wrong.

Such a burden to him. To the pack. Why can’t you just stop regressing? Just stop it. Stop being so small. Stop being so fucking weak.

He lets out a panicked yelp when Dewdrop reaches out to comfort him. “Nuh uh! Don’t touch me. I– I don’ deserve it.”

“Wh–” Dewdrop flounders.

That means it’s true; Rain doesn’t deserve it. He curls in on himself even further; he shouldn’t have said anything. Should have kept it to himself. Should have left the room the second Dewdrop entered it. Should have thought about someone other than himself and his own pathetic, useless needs for once.

“What makes you think that, Rainy?”

“Liar get punish,” he parrots as accurately as he can manage. “Only good boy get to be touch.”

“Oh, love…” Dewdrop sounds so disappointed. Rain braces himself for the inevitable. “That’s our rule for when you’re big and we, uhh…” He trails off, clearly unsure of how to phrase what he needs to say. Rain wishes he could rid the fog from his head enough to be able to reassure Dewdrop that he’s okay; it was just a slip of his mouth that made him say that, it’s not what he really thinks. But if he says that, it’s only fuelling the fire, and he’ll be punished more for lying; he’ll punish himself for lying. “Look, Rainy, love,” the fire ghoul tries again. “My point is that those rules don’t apply to you right now. They’re only there for when you’re big and we have our… Our special playtimes, yeah?” Dewdrop cringes at the words special playtimes and Rain knows exactly why; the phrase sounds so forced. He hates that Dewdrop feels the need to mince his words around Rain when he’s like this, as if the water ghoul doesn’t retain his understanding of the world and his own life when he regresses.

“You– You don’ like special playtime?” Rain’s goading Dewdrop into giving him an answer that he’ll hate, that will make him feel worse, he knows he is. But as long as the fire ghoul doesn’t notice, Rain doesn’t care. He deserves to feel bad, he knows that much. But he doesn’t feel bad enough, and it’s going to be hard to sink himself down to the level of bad that he deserves with Dewdrop watching his every move.

“No, no, Rainy,” he disagrees quickly. Too quickly, Rain thinks. “I love our special playtimes. I love them a lot, I promise. But… I don’t think this is something we should be talking about when you’re little, okay? We can talk about it when you’re big again if you want to, though.”

“O– Okay…” Rain’s heart sinks. It’s always like this. The very nature of their ghoul pack results in him being left out of most things when he’s little. Sometimes he doesn’t mind, and he’s more than content to sit with one of his packmates and fill some colouring sheets with bright pencil markings or curl up in their arms and drift off to sleep. But other times? His pack’s refusal to include him in certain activities or conversations feels less like protection and more like a poor disguise of their hatred of him, of their unwillingness to involve him in pack affairs. He understands, really, he does. He knows that when he’s regressed, there are things he shouldn’t be exposed to. Knows that when his pack are frustrated with him, he’s rarely the one at fault, just the one unlucky enough to bear the brunt of their frustration, no matter how much they try to hide it for his sake. But he also knows that the pack’s exclusion of him is because they don’t like him. Don’t enjoy his presence in any of the forms it takes. Don’t care about him enough to hide their annoyance, despite knowing their frustration directed at him can cause him to spiral so intensely that he barely remembers the rest of the day. He knows all of this, but nothing makes it hurt any less.

If he were in a better state of mind, he might reach out to Dewdrop and ask to be held for a while. Might sob and scream and cry until there aren’t any tears left but it would be okay, because he’d be safe in the fire ghoul’s arms. As it is, he can’t. He tells himself he doesn’t want to, which is true, in part. There’s a part of him desperately fighting to run away from Dewdrop, to refuse to ask for comfort, to never be a burden, never show weakness because otherwise he won’t love you anymore and you’ll be all alone all over again. The other part longs for comfort, regardless of the negative impact he knows it will have on his relationship with Dewdrop. He wants to be held, wants to be reassured that it’s okay to cry, that it’s okay because Dewdrop’s got him and he’s never letting go, never leaving. And so, he finds himself at an impasse and so angry at himself that he wants to punch something. Scream. Break his arm. Kill one of Copia’s rats. Kill himself.

The only benefit to being regressed that he can think of right now is that if he screams, no one bats an eye; all too accustomed to toddlers throwing tantrums that they don’t seem to care. And so when Dewdrop tentatively reaches an arm out, testing the waters to see whether Rain is ready for touch, the water ghoul screams. And he does it properly.

He doesn’t know how long he screams for before stopping, but once he stops, his throat is raw and aching in the silence of the room. He’s curled in on himself on the floor—bass discarded somewhere off to the side, hopefully in one piece—surrounded by pleasant warmth and pressure. Slowly, he realises that he’s wrapped up in Dewdrop’s embrace, and he begins to panic all over again, throat refusing to make another sound dispute his frantic attempts.

A warm hand cards through his hair, soft voice shushing him gently. “If you really want me to let go, Rainy, I will,” Dewdrop reassures him. “But I don’t want to let go, love. I want to help you, and I don’t want to leave you alone like this, okay?”

Rain turns his head and buries himself against Dewdrop’s chest, sobbing quietly. His emotional regulation for the day has been used up, and he knows that any and all emotions he feels for the rest of the day—or week, probably—will be on full display for everyone to see, no matter how much he wants to hide them. He finds himself nodding along to the fire ghoul’s words without his own brain’s permission. It’s impossible to deny for any longer that he wants comfort—he needs it so desperately it may as well be oxygen at this point—but he can’t bring himself to ask for it. He knows he doesn’t deserve it, and he knows that he’ll only feel worse later as a result of talking to Dewdrop and receiving his love and affections, but for now, that’s a problem for future Rain. Right now, all he really cares about is curling up in Dewdrop’s arms and soaking in the gentle comfort that the fire ghoul seems to be so good at providing him when he’s like this.

He doesn’t feel better about it, and he knows he’s not going to. To be honest, he doesn’t even want to try to feel better about it. But now that he’s here, he’ll accept the comfort of gentle caresses and chaste forehead kisses that Dewdrop seems intent on gifting to him. He’ll work on not feeling even worse about the fire ghoul’s affections another time.

#scheduled post.#rain sure does have Symptoms Disorder #rain ghoul #dewdrop ghoul #nameless ghouls #the band ghost #regressed ghouls #husband writes #<<< i think it's long enough to go under that tag #projecting onto rain ghoul is my favourite hobby actually :')#please be kind lol #vent fic

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gh0ulf00l · 5 months

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As someone with hypermobility I adore hypermobile ghouls so so so much they make me so happy but I’d like to share a few of my bleeding disorder ghoul hcs because I want to <3 (might go more in depth with other ghouls later I’m just in a phantom mood today)

Phantom has hypermobility and von willebrands, he gets joint bleeds a lot in his knees :[[. He wears knee braces!

He gets nosebleeds a lot, one time when he was recently summoned he had a really bad nosebleed during the middle of the night and stood above Copia with a super bloody face and scared the life out of him.

He wants piercings but he doesn’t want to risk them healing badly so he gets clip ons!

#ghouls rambles #am I projecting? totally.#bug moment #the band ghost #ghost bc #nameless ghoul #nameless ghouls #ghost headcanons #nameless ghoul phantom #phantom ghoul #hypermobile ghouls #I’m a bleeding disorder haver #so I’m a bleeding disorder ghoul truther

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thatfuckinjester · 3 months

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Any trans phantom thoughts tonight

ABSOLUTELY thank you for the ask!! also sorry it took me ao long to answer i was at work

so in the pit he didn't really had a body, quintessence ghouls are made of (fallen stars) dust but when he got summoned and got put into a body that felt wrong with who he is, that caused a lot of confused thoughts.

at first, before he told anyone (he thought they hate him and will hate him more because of it), he tried to tie his chest with bandages but it didn't work as well, then he found trans tape but put it wrong and since then he got scared of it. but then he found out about back belts, and bought one to use as a binder, it's not the safest option but it did the job.

now i hc that phantom has a fainting disorder and one time, after a long day of chores and then also a practice where he gave everything he had, he felt like he was about to faint and he got scared, he didn't take off his "binder" for a while now and thought maybe taking it off will help him get more air in.

but before he could, boom, he crashed on the floor as he fainted, and that's how everyone else found out that he was binding unsafely, had a wrong body, and have a fainting disorder

#i use a back belt as a binder-#and i do too have a fainting disorder #and it has happened to me and that's how my sister found out i'm trans #anyways #ghost #the band ghost #nameless ghouls #phantom #phantom ghoul #phantom ghost

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beeloovedd · 3 months

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Can you write more about Phantom and his OCD? Maybe the others notices him struggling. Really liked the one the one with phantom’s thoughts.

-Anon

Hiiii sorry this took so long lol.

Thank you for the request 💕

Quick note: these are me projecting my current compulsions and this is written as a part 2 to the first fic 💕

Warnings!!: OCD, Compulsions, phantom pretending he's ok when he's not. A quick kiss on the cheek

Phantom sighs as he finishes getting his coffee ready.

He sips it then smiles as it tastes perfectly sweet

He picks up his cup then moves to sit on the couch on the other corner from Swiss.

"You ok?" Swiss asks with slight concern on his face.

Phantom nods "Yea just tired" he says with a smile as he takes a sip.

Swiss raises an eyebrow but nods as he goes back to watching the TV.

Dew moves over to get more comfortable and hides his face in Swiss's neck.

Phantom giggles quietly and Swiss rolls his eyes with a smile.

Phantom takes another sip, gently tapping the top him of his cup to the forehead while counting in his head.

Eventually he takes the sip and goes to put the cup back down in the coffee table but he lifts his arm then lowers it but doesn't put it down yet.

He does it for about 4 times then eventually puts the cup down.

Then he picks it back up and puts it down then finishes the little moment and relaxes back into the couch, he glances at swiss only to see swiss looking at him with an eyebrow raised.

"Are you sure your o-" swiss says before he gets cut off by the Ghoulettes coming out of Aurora's room laughing loudly.

"How did you manage to get nail polish on in your forehead?!"

Aroura says while laughing. Cirrus rolls her eyes while still also laughing.

Cumulus chuckles at the two and pours more coffee into her cup.

"Well if you let me paint your nails then the polish wouldn't be on your forehead" Cumulus says with a playful smirk and small laugh.

"Hey I'm good at doing nails!" Cirrus says while playfully poking Cumulus's shoulder.

Phantom giggled and Swiss laughs.

A few hours later and after a lot more little off rituals and swiss being skeptical about if phantoms really ok, Dinner is ready and all the ghouls are sitting at the ghouls den table.

It's Swiss's turn to cook tonight and he made enchiladas.

The food is amazing and Phantom begins to eat then puts down his fork to take a drink but of course, it's not that easy to put a fork down apparently.

He taps the fork gently against the table while counting in his head then after 5 tries he finnaly finishes.

He shivers slightly then looks around to make sure no one noticed. Everyone's still eating and talking away then he spots swiss looking at him concerned.

Phantom flashes a small smile to make it seem he's ok.

Thankfully, the rest of dinner goes smoothly, amazing food, no one noticing, And again, amazing food.

All the ghouls finished their dinner and now Mountain and Swiss are washing the dishes while talking about Swiss's recipe, Cirrus, Sunshine and Dew are making popcorn and Cumulus, Aroura and Rain are getting the couch ready for the movie night.

"Hey bug? You gonna watch the movie with us?" Cirrus says as she sits down on the couch with a bowl of popcorn and sunshine steals a piece.

"No, not in the mood for a movie tonight really, You guys have fun though" Phantom says with a smile while also walking up and stealing a piece of popcorn.

He grabs the piece then looks down and sees another piece pointing out to him, he gets it.

It feels wrong, not the right number. He gets 3 more pieces, now having give pieces of popcorn.

Cirrus doesn't seem to mind, her, Dew and Sunshine are too busy grabbing handfuls out and Cumulus picks out little pieces and throws them at Aroura for her to catch them in her mouth.

Phantom smiles then eats his popcorn and walks off to his room, he can feel Swiss's energy, concerned. He gets to his room closes his door.

Pressing his back against it then touches the wall and his dresser, he taps it twice except on one he accidentally taps the poster on his wall instead of the wall.

He sighs and closes his eyes then taps the door while counting to 10. .

Then he tried again, he taps the wall twice then taps his shelf once then taps his bed twice.

Finnaly he's done with that and he can lay on the bed. He sighs and relaxes onto the bed, exhausted mentally.

He closes his eyes and puts his arms on his stomach.

Fortunately his relaxing mind break gets interrupted by a knock on the door.

He opens his eyes and sits up and another knock hits the door gently.

"Hey ant, if your not busy I wanna talk with you" Swiss's voice says from the other side of the door.

Phantom takes a deep breath, a tinge of anxiety now flowing through his head, he gets up then opens the door.

"Hey Swiss, aren't you watching the movie" Phantom asks confused and still anxious.

"Eh, they're watching Mean girls again" Swiss says as he steps inside the room and closes the door behind him.

Phantom laughs smally and swiss chuckles before sighing and look at Phantom up and down.

"Are you ok?" He asks, the concern clear in his voice.

"Uh yeah? Why" phantom asks, anxiety clear in his voice.

"You've been.." Swiss thinks for a second "acting off all day, what's going on in the head of yours?" He asks as he ruffles phantoms head.

Phantom blushes out of embarrassment and quickly tries to scramble up an answer.

"What do you mean? I'm fine Swiss, really" he says with a smile.

"I wasn't born yesterday phantom" he laughs then sighs and gently grabs phantoms hand and guides him over to sit on the bed.

"Tell me what's wrong bug, clearly there's something your hiding and it worries me" Swiss says gently but concerned.

"I- uhm.." phantom begins then looks away.

What was wrong with him?

Why did he have to do things a certain way?

Why was he different?

"I...don't know" he says quietly as he realizes he doesn't even know.

"Well....here, why do you keep taping and doing things a number of times? Can you at least give me a bit of answer and we'll figure it out from there?" Swiss asks as he runs his thumbs over the back of phantoms hands.

"I don't know.. I-its just wrong if I don't, like if I don't something b-bad is gonna happen! Or I do it without realizing" he says quietly.

"Ah, I see, I get it. OCD, that's what you most likely have, do you want to go see Aether and Omega in the infirmary? They can let you know for sure?" Swiss says with a small smile.

Phantom shakes his head quickly, yes he loves Aether and Omega but what he doesn't love is the infirmary. The energy is off, it makes his stomach hurt and it makes the thoughts and feelings worse.

"They're something wrong with me?.." phantom says quietly "OCD.. what's that?".

Swiss quickly cups his cheek with one hand and holds and caresses his other hand.

"There is nothing wrong with you phantom.

You're an amazing beautiful ghoul" swiss days as he caresses Phantoms cheek and phantom smiles.

"Here, how about after Aether finishes his work in the infirmary I'll shoot him a text and he'll come over and explain what OCD is ok? Untill then, how do we feel about mean girls?" Swiss says with a playfully smile and gets off the bed.

Phantom nods then smiles with a giggle.

"Sure" he says as gets off the bed too.

Swiss smiles and kisses his cheek then they make their way for the movie night.

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notsleepybuttired · 1 year

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Hey:) since I have been searching for a ana gc for ages and didn’t find an active one I m just gonna make one of my own. Hmu if you wanna join!

#emma chota #red band society #ED #anorexic #anorexia bulimia #proanaa #thin$po #ana gc #tw ana related #anarec1a #anor3x14 #anna miaa #eating disorder #thinspiration #thinspo #bulimic #proana #proanagc

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leoquievreux · 4 months

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Travail en cours - Disorder

#disorder #comics #bande dessinée

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dulltoned · 5 months

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Living with his brothers is strange after all these years. They hadn't seen each other since they were kids and now suddenly they were all under the same roof again. Bruce didn't mind the quiet. Over these past few decades he'd gotten used to the loud hustle and bustle of work and the chaos of a home full of kids. It's been nice getting to wind down and it felt good knowing that Brandy was fully behind him in his decision to stick around for a bit longer. He had to admit that he missed his kids and he longed for his loving wife every day but there's a different kind of happiness nestled deep in his very bones when he watches his little brothers laugh around the dining table.

Getting along with John Dory has been a bit more of a challenge but not impossible. Even now they clashed like they did when they were kids, old resentments sparked back to life and their vastly different priorities making it difficult to find common ground sometimes. Still, even then, it was really nice to see him again too.

They're gathered now in Branch's small kitchen, awkwardly trying to stay out of their youngest brother's way while he goes about making lunch while all being equally unwilling to leave. Branch grumbles as he easily twists and steps around them but makes no move to tell them to get out. It makes Bruce smile and Branch very blatantly ignores him. Branch sighs for the umpteenth time as he grabs a pan from a low cabinet and spins around Clay to get to the stove. It was nothing fancy, just a few sandwiches to keep them running until dinner, and Bruce was proud to see that it wasn't the sweets he's sure Queen Poppy would've offered.

Branch grabs the butter dish from his counter and drops a dollop into the heating pan before bending over to open another cabinet. He curses under his breath and swiftly curses again. "Damn it," Branch huffs, eyes flitting around the small space one more time before he lets the doors fall shut with a heavy thud.

"What's up?" Clay prods, curiously looking between Branch and the disappointing cabinet like he could piece together the issue off that alone.

"I thought I'd restocked," Branch sighs, running a stressed hand over his hair absentmindedly. He crosses his arms and frowns, tapping his foot while he thinks in a way that Bruce finds adorable but would never dare say out loud. Or rather, not until it was the right moment. "Hey, Bruce, you know where the carrots are?"

Bruce startles when he's singled out but nods quickly, offering a thumbs up and a lazy smile, "Yep! Want me to go grab some for you?" He guesses, already peeling himself away from the table to head off towards the towering shelves lined up on the lower floor.

Branch sags a bit with gratitude and returns the smile hesitantly, "That'd be great, thank you." It's interesting, Bruce thinks, the war that appears to constantly be waging inside of his grown baby brother. He's far from the little bundle of nervous, excited energy he'd been back when he was a baby but there still seems to be some kind of uncertainty that never leaves him. Branch always looks like he's caught between throwing himself back into the family and keeping them all at a safe distance. Admittedly, ashamedly, Bruce thinks that had he reunited with his brothers only a few years ago he'd have been bitter about it. One of his kids, Brandon, was an anxious kid. Even though his siblings had always been welcoming and encouraging he was still hesitant to ask for what he needed or say no when his siblings pushed a boundary he hadn't communicated yet. Brandon had taught Bruce a lot about how fundamentally different people could be and that some were introverted and wary even around people they loved. He can't begin to imagine what was going on in Branch's head after all these years, experiencing who knows what on top of Grandma's death and the apparent Rock Apocalypse. Bruce was more than happy to offer up a little patience in return. The last thing he wanted now after everything was to push Branch away.

"You got it, little bro!" Bruce beams, stretching an arm around Clay to ruffle Branch's hair just to see his brother's face scrunch up in annoyance as he bats his hand away. He doesn't stick around to face Branch's wrath, whether that be in the form of a disgruntled glare or a few sharp words, and instead spins on his heel and makes for the hall.

"Don't eat all the rations!" John Dory calls teasingly just as Bruce slides into the hallway and slips out of sight. Bruce freezes. He knows it's a joke. None of his brothers had been anything but kind after seeing that he'd lost his iconic figure and John sounded nothing but fond. On top of that, Bruce has never been happier since he's given up on those strict diets and workout routines! Still, despite that, there's a spike of anxiety that shoots through his chest hearing those words. John Dory has said similar things to him plenty of times when they were younger, pushing Bruce to keep up the grueling work lest he disappoint the fans. Disappointing the fans always meant disappointing his brother and when he was a boy that had been crushing. Anything to keep that perfect image. It had tainted Bruce's love for fitness and twisted it into something that could break him. If he didn't do enough sit-ups would the band lose its fame? If he ate too much would they lose popularity? Would his family resent him?

It's been a long, long time since Bruce had felt any sort of discomfort about his body. Nearly fifteen years now since he'd shed those insecurities and found love and acceptance in Brandy who'd helped him more than he could ever hope to express to her. He loves who he is now and the man he's become. Yet somehow he still feels that telltale hurt stir up inside of him. He feels more resentment towards those feelings themselves than he does John Dory. He wishes it didn't bother him at all.

He has half a mind to storm back in there and tell John Dory off but he reminds himself that starting a fight while he's angry would never go well, especially when it came to his older brother. A skill that parenting has given him is an almost unnatural level of patience and calm combined with a self-awareness that lets him know that he should cool down before he does something he'd regret. He takes a deep breath and squares his shoulders, letting the tension bleed from his body as he raises his head up high. He takes a few more steps down the hall towards the elevator but he's once again stopped in his place. This time by Branch.

"What the hell was that?" Branch hisses, seething with a simmering fire that Bruce was starting to associate him with.

"What was what?" John Dory asks, sounding genuinely confused and instinctively on the defensive.

"That was kind of uncool, man," Clay pipes up. He's wary. Rightfully so, Bruce thinks. Both Branch and John Dory were forces to be reckoned with and stepping between the two was dangerous. Bruce thinks Branch has snapped at all of them at least once since they've moved in and it wasn't at all what he had ever imagined his sweet little brother would grow up to be. He figures that was what happened when you had to raise yourself though. It only serves to highlight his regrets when he thinks about it.

"What?" John scoffs, his defensive tone overtaking his initial confusion. Bruce can sense a fight brewing but he still can't seem to unglue himself from that spot. He wants to know where this will go.

"You already gave him one eating disorder, you want to give him another one?" Branch snarls. He sounds more like he's facing a threat than talking to his brother and the tone itself is enough to send chills down Bruce's spine. It takes a few seconds for the words themselves to register but when they do Bruce's whole body tenses right back up. What?

"..what?" John Dory echoes Bruce's thoughts. He's starting to sound like a broken record but his voice is something weak and shocked now. The mask John had been raising was knocked aside with ease. Had he really not known? Had little Branch, maybe only four at the time, really seen something that John Dory hadn't? Had their eldest brother really been so blind?

"What? You think nagging someone every damn day about their body wouldn't make them hyperaware of it? I was the one who would sit in the dining room waiting for Bruce to finish eating, you know. Sometimes it took hours." Branch snaps, entirely unimpressed by John Dory's sudden meekness. Bruce remembers those days too. There had been times, way back when he was a teenager, when he'd been stuck at the dinner table pushing his food around trying to convince himself to clear the plate. Grandma had always had a rule about not leaving their seats until they'd finished their dinner and for a few years Bruce had greatly struggled to do so. He hadn't known that little Branch had lingered so often because he was waiting on Bruce. He had been so focused on trying to get the courage to just put the food into his mouth that he'd thought maybe Branch had just wanted to stick around. Kids could be weird. He thought it was just one of Branch's little quirks that he'd be able to tease him about when they were older. You were always just sitting around in the kitchen, he would say, you were so weird. He'd never known it had been for him. "Maybe, instead of being an ass, you could just-- oh, shit--" The smell of something burning reached Bruce's nose and he took that as his sign to make a break for it. He finally makes it to the elevator in time to hear the loud clangs of the pan being thrown into the sink.

He doesn't know what he'd expected. His brows furrow and his hand feels heavy where it pushes down the lever. He doesn't know why he just assumed that his other brothers would've brushed off John Dory's comment or even laughed along with him. He thinks, maybe, that he had some residual insecurity lingering in his head somewhere that he never had a reason to address before. The idea doesn't weigh on him. Instead he feels lighter than he had when he'd left. They stood up for him. Branch had gotten angry on his behalf and told John Dory off without hesitation and Clay had backed him up without much thought. He could even perfectly picture the disapproving expression that might have crossed Floyd's features.

The elevator rumbles to a stop on the lowest floor and he swiftly steps off and makes a beeline for the shelves holding most of Branch's food storage. He didn't want to take too much longer if he could avoid it, he doesn't know what he'd say if anyone asked him why he took so long. He knows they probably knew he stayed back, especially since the elevator itself wasn't exactly silent, but he wanted to have plausible deniability at least.

It doesn't take him too long to find the crates of carrots tucked away and he quickly hefts one into his arms before someone clears their throat. He admittedly startles at the sudden sound, nearly dropping the crate before he barely manages to regain his grip. He whips around to see Branch leaning up against the wall, arms crossed, and watching him carefully. Branch must've taken the stairs down but damn was he fast. Bruce didn't think he had lingered too long but maybe he'd been a bit more lost in his head than he thought.

"What's up?" Bruce asks after a few beats of silence when Branch makes it clear that he isn't going to start. "Was I taking too long for you?" He jokes, wiggling the crate still held in his arms to prove he'd completed his task.

Branch's eyes narrow just so and he hums noncommittally. He clearly finds whatever it is he's looking for because he pushes off the wall and strides up to Bruce, reaching out to place a comforting hand on his shoulder, and says "You don't need to change yourself for us." Warmth thrums through Bruce's veins, amazed by Branch's kindness despite his prickly exterior. Branch seems to hesitate for a brief moment, a blink-and-you-miss-it sort of thing, before he visibly steels himself. "We love you." He assures. A dopey smile spreads across Bruce's face.

Branch is scurrying off before Bruce can really get a word in but that doesn't stop him from brightly calling after him, "I love you too!" and he takes a sick pleasure in seeing the tips of Branch's ears turn a dark blue before he disappears around a corner.

Bruce still carries the carrots up to the empty kitchen and places them into the cabinet that Branch had been looking for them in earlier. He sees the pan still in the sink, a few drips of butter turned black pooled at the lip, and grimaces. They end up going out for lunch suspiciously devoid of Branch. John Dory pays for their meals.

#| Game Plans |#{ isolationist }#{ the heartthrob }#{ the leader }#{ the fun boy }#trolls band together #trolls fanfic #trolls branch #dreamworks trolls #trolls spruce #trolls bruce #trolls john dory #trolls clay #hurt/comfort #angst #eating disorder #// eating disorder

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im-a-marion3tt3 · 8 months

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i have a ficlet request for you if you're interested!!! (it's about phantom's ED recovery, just as a little warning)

if it's something that interests you, i'd love to see what you think would happen after phantom eats his first full meal since his first few weeks being summoned (maybe it's just him and mountain in the greenhouse because it's a safe environment for him?), or if phantom sat down to eat dinner with the rest of the ghouls and actually ate an okay amount of food?

if you're not interested, no hard feelings whatsoever!! i love your writing so much, and the way you write dew and phantom and their EDs (and recovery!!!!!) is so wonderful, thank you <3

Omg yes. Thank you for this wonderful idea!!! Hopefully I didn't take to long to respond and did your idea justice!

Tw: Ed and sh (graphic depiction)

Phantom's heart was in his throat and he felt like he couldn't breathe. His plate was fully, everything was sectioned carefully into its own respectful place so that nothing was touching. Normally, Phantom was okay with people staring at him, but now, it was making him want to die. There were too many people here, too many people judging him on what he ate and what he didn't eat.

Phantom almost jumped out of his seat as he felt someone touch him; it was just Mountain though. He looked at the taller ghoul with fear and panic in his eyes. The other just rubbed his thigh slowly, trying to keep him grounded as he ate with his free hand. Mountain knew how stressful this was on the younger ghoul, it was his first attempt at eating enough food to actually give him nourishment. It had been months since then, for the past months Phantom (if he even came to dinner) sat there with an empty plate and judgmental eyes. The earth ghoul was simply proud he was trying.

Stealing a look at Mountain, Phantom picked up his fork and sighed before poking at the food on his plate. Slowly, he took a bite of the meat that had been made. It was so disgustingly good, Phantom hated every second of it. Even as he went for a second bite and third and suddenly half of his plate had been cleared. It scared him but he could stop, he was hungry and it made him so guilty. It was like he couldn't control himself though as Phantom continued eating until there was nothing left.

Disgust. That was all the quintessence ghoul felt. Phantom couldn't believe he had let that happen to him, it made him nauseous. He could feel Mountain gently squeeze his thigh, most likely trying to ground and praise him but Phantom was no longer there. He had completely zoned out to escape the guilt he felt for eating so much in front of everyone. 'Certain' he thought to himself, 'they're going to think you're a glutton now. Especially Dew.'

It wasn't until the meal was over that Phantom came back, noticing people clearing the table as a few of the ghouls walked off with each other, talking about something that happened on tour. Phantom stood up fast then, realizing he was now free. He moved fasting, making sure no one else could follow him, especially Mountain, as he headed towards Rain's room. That's where he knew he could find them.

Phantom didn't even bother knocking as he opened the door and shut it loudly behind him. He needed someone but couldn't deal with Mountain, couldn't handle his words of praise and being told how good he had done. No, he needed something that would hurt. Rain was sitting on the bed, holding the cigarette in Dew's mouth as he took a drag. The two's attention quickly turned towards the younger ghoul, mainly because he looked like shit. Tears ran down his face, silently as he made his way over to them and fell into the bed. Rain reached forward and gently ran a hand through Phantom's hair.

"Oh baby," he whispered softly, feeling ever so guilty. He hadn't realized that Phantom's eating had gotten so bad that one regular sized meal left him in tears. Carefully, Rain set Dewdrop to the side of his lap and reached forward with open arms. Phantom eagerly climbed into them, tears rolling down his face as he silently cried.

"It's in my pocket if you want it," Rain murmured into Phantom's hair. He was talking about a small blade, one that he almost always carried around for one reason or another. The younger ghoul nodded though continued to cry, his eyes were too blurry with tears to see, though he'd take it later.

"You're such a brave little ghoul," Dewdrop said softly as he gently rubbed Phantom's back. He was not in a comfortable enough place to do what the younger ghoul had done though he silently envied him. He wished he could see food as anything for more than a number but that was going to take a little more time for him, after all, he had been doing this for years before Phantom had even been summoned.

The three sat there for a little longer, doing their best to comfort Phantom, whispering soft words of praise.

"C-can I h-have it now?" Phantom eventually whispered as he adjusted himself in Rain's lap. Said ghoul fished out the small pocket knife, opened it and gently handed it to the smaller ghoul.

"Don't go too deep, Tom, your body can't handle too much blood loss right now," Rain instructed as he wrapped his arms around Phantom's waist so that he was secured in his lap as he slowly cut his wrists, pressing over old scars. It made the younger ghoul tear up in pain. He needed this though, needed the superficial control it gave after dinner. The fact he had eaten everything and barely registered, he felt like a wild and disgusting animal and this was the only thing that made him feel like he was in control of at least something.

It was Dew who stopped him, a hand on the butt of the knife and softly saying, "that's enough, Phantom, that's enough." Said ghoul didn't want to stop, didn't think he had done enough damage until he finally blinked away the tears from his eyes and only saw red staining his arms... His clothing... The bed... Oh Satans

"Let's get you cleaned up, yeah?" Rain spoke in a gentle tone as he easily stood up with Phantom in the arms and brought him to the bathroom, setting him down on the sink counter. Dewdrop followed along with both the knife and a first aid kit. Since they were already here, he wanted to have his own turn. Rain simply focused on cleaning up the younger ghoul before applying salve and bandages. Once he was fixed up, the two watched Dewdrop cut at his skin, though it was far less messy than Phantom. He patched himself up as well as Phantom and Rain held onto each other and watched.

Eventually, once the bathroom and bedroom had been cleaned but by Dew and Rain, Phantom just watching numbly, the three piled into bed, Phantom pressed in the middle. The other two held him and gently rubbed his sides as he fell asleep against them.

Though it was hard and didn't look at it to many others, Phantom was getting better in at least one regard.

#ghost the band #phantom ghoul #the band ghost fanfic #ghost #ghost angst #the band ghost #mountain ghoul #dewdrop ghoul #tw ana shit #tw disordered eating #tw sh #rain ghoul

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