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edie-baby · 3 years

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mr & mrs | liam lawson x reader

Summary: You and Liam were teammates at Hitech for 2021. You had the biggest crush on him, but you were sure he didn't see you as anything more than a little sister. But oh, how a few basic questions could uncover the truth between you.

Warnings: swearing, and I think that's it?

When you walked into work in the Hitech Grand Prix building this morning, you didn’t expect to be playing the fucking newlywed game with your crush. And if you’re being honest with yourself, crush is a light way to put it. You were head over heels for your F2 teammate and best friend, Liam Lawson. There was just something about the New Zealander that always had your heart racing, your legs buckling, and your stomach dropping.

So when you were directed into the garage for a ‘different background’ from other videos you had done with Liam, your stomach lurched. Here this gorgeous man was, in all his Kiwi glory, hair waxed back but falling out of place, jeans hugging the toned curves of his legs and ass and giving you a glorious view of his bulge, and the fucking blue sweater. The same blue sweater he had worn the last time the two of you did a video that had reduced you to a stuttering mess when you first saw him.

But now it is worse. So, so much worse. He was standing in a garage. Around cars, and tyres, and grease, and all of the inanimate objects you found so sinfully appealing, and he was just right in the middle of it looking like that. You just about turned around and walked right back out.

“Mighty Mouse! There you are. I was starting to think I’d have to be the brains and beauty of the operation.” Liam called once he spotted you, and suddenly you remembered why you had never tried making a move on him. He treated you like a little sister. Nicknames like ‘kiddo’ and ‘mighty mouse’ were a regular occurrence, and they never failed to make you squirm.

“Well, you struggle to be anything but the brawn, and I think I’m even starting to overtake you there.” You teased, pushing yourself to stay casual, platonic, familial. There was so much opportunity to flirt with him, but the few times you had tried were brushed off, so you had given up many moons ago.

“Ouch Princess, that hurts.” Liam mocked, his hand cradling his chest and you couldn’t help but wonder how it would be to fall asleep against his chest, curled up after a rough night of-

“Who’re you calling princess, princess?” You shot back, cutting your thoughts off before they continued developing and became an issue. Liam laughed, his arm slung around your shoulder while the two of you walked over to the team that were in charge of running your activity for the afternoon.

“Ok, I don’t know if you guys have heard of it, but this game is called Mr and Mrs, one of you will have a whiteboard and wear headphones while the other tries to guess what the answers to the questions you’re writing down are. Make sense? Ok, great, let’s do an intro and go from there.” One of the guys explained quickly, and you began having flashbacks to an awful 80s game show called The Newlywed Game, and blushed profusely. Having you and Liam in a video titled ‘Mr & Mrs’ was sure to get the fans going, and you couldn’t blame Hitech’s PR plan.

You and Liam settled into the wheely chairs from the office next door, Liam positioning himself in frame of the camera and fixing his stupidly perfect hair when you came barreling toward him with your chair, legs tucked up high so you didn’t cop a chair arm to the knee. Liam screeched when you finally hit him, almost toppling off the chair in surprise while you spun slowly, laughing freely as you did so.

Liam looked over at you, your head thrown back in carefree laughter, the yellow sundress that covered your body made you look radiant, and he was sure he had never seen a sight so beautiful before. Your laughter calmed down, and as you looked over at him, he couldn’t help but send you a lovestruck smile, his eyes dopey with admiration. You blushed slightly, laughing as the team asked if you could do the intro again, but actually introduce what you were doing.

Liam slid out of the frame, and you followed his movements as you could tell a fierce battle was about to commence. Kicking off the ground with force, you tucked your legs up onto the chair again, spinning into Liam so fast, you couldn’t actually see his face before you crashed into him. The two of you exploded in laughter again, laughter and smiles were common between you, and Hitech’s Instagram was full of photos and videos of you and Liam smiling at each other, or doubled over in laughter, clutching onto each other.

“Hi, I’m Liam Lawson, and this is Y/N, we drive for Hitech in Formula 2.” Liam began once you had slowed down your laughter. He kept a firm grip on the arm of your chair, holding you close and still, as your chair really liked spinning around.

“And we’re here to play Mr & Mrs, another game in our long series championship to see who the better teammate is.” You finished, gesturing to yourself subtly, but Liam caught it and pushed your chair away jokingly. As much as you loved the man and wished you could be more, you wouldn’t give up this relationship you have with him for something that might work.

MR & MRS | EDIE-BABY

“Liam, what is Y/N’s favourite colour?” The same guy from before asked, one who Liam still didn’t recognise due to the facemask and hat he was wearing. Nevertheless, he held up a whiteboard where the question was scribbled in messy writing, three multiple choice answers written waiting for not only Liam’s, but also your answer. You had airpods in your ears, connected to the blaring music playing from one of the Hitech employees’ laptops, a whiteboard in your hand that you quickly scribbled out an answer to.

Liam looked over at you, holding the whiteboard to your chest protectively so he wouldn’t cheat, but there was really no way that he could.

“It’s not an answer listed here, but her favourite colour is a light brown. She always says it calms her down because it reminds her of a cafe she went to once back home.” Liam spoke, watching you as he answered. You didn’t hear a word he was saying, bopping your head along to the 2000s hits pumping through the earphones. Liam pulled one of them out, his head nodding over to the camera while you proudly turned the board around, thinking you had gotten one over on Liam.

“My favourite colour is light brown, because it reminds me of the Brew Cafe in my hometown, and it brings a really nostalgic and calm feeling.” You stated, watching the faces of the employees morph from business to shock. You looked over at Liam, who had a smug smile on his face while he listened to your answer.

“There’s no way you could have known that!” You protested, glaring accusingly at the dirty blonde. He laughed in response, and you couldn’t have felt happier in any given moment. Not even the top step of the podium could compare to the warmth spreading in your chest. Little did you know, Liam was feeling the exact same way.

“Y/N earphones back in, Liam your next question. What is Y/N’s favourite song at the moment?” The same guy asked, yet this time there were no multiple choice answers. Liam’s eyes widened, turning to look at you to think of any songs he had heard blasting from your speakers or earphones recently, or something that you had ranted excitedly to him about. He spoke to himself, mumbling about artists and songs he could remember falling from your lips. You twirled a piece of hair around your finger, thinking about the answer to the question, when suddenly it hit him.

He had to wait a few moments as you were slowly writing down your answer, still not 100% sure of yourself. It was only after you had taken an earphone out that you jumped, furiously rubbing out the answer on the whiteboard and writing a new one, looking much more satisfied with the new answer. The team counted down, and as Liam spoke, you almost dropped the whiteboard.

“Feeling Something Bad by Ellise. She’ll start singing it randomly when she concentrates, which is usually a giveaway to what songs she's been listening to recently.” Liam said his answer so confidently that it made you feel as though you were inferior because he knew your favourite song and it took you a decent minute to think of it. Liam got another point as he had gotten two of your answers right, and you were starting to feel competitive.

“Alright Liam, who does Y/N get along with best in the F2 paddock? Oscar Piastri, Dan Ticktum, or you?”

“Oh, oh. Well, she hangs out with Oscar a lot, but I don’t know if she would say they get along better than we do? Like, she’s closer with Oscar but we get along best, if that makes sense? I don’t think it does. I’m gonna say Oscar because I don’t want to be rejected, but I really hope I’m wrong and that she says me.” Liam rambled, finally deciding on Oscar, and when you were told to turn your board around, Liam’s heart sank a little. You had written Oscar, and as you began trying to defend yourself, Liam waved it off and laughed to hide the disappointment in his eyes, but you could see it clear as day. You tried to move on like he did, to keep playing the game like you didn’t hurt her best friend and crush.

You began trying to cheer the Kiwi up, dancing along to the songs playing, and occasionally belting out the chorus. He was laughing along, finally joining you to sing when you were screaming the lyrics to Promiscuous, dancing all around the garage and trying to pull him up around with you. While you were dancing with some of the employees off camera, being recorded for Instagram, Liam was still in frame of the main camera, a fond smile on his face, and anyone who had looked at him could see that he was completely and utterly whipped for you, but you were too caught up in Nelly Furtado to see it yourself.

It was your turn to answer questions now, passing Liam the whiteboard that had a little love note written on it.

I’m going to crush you.

You wrote, and Liam thought it was adorable how competitive you got in trivial games like this, but it always made him try even harder just to give you some semblance of a battle.

“Y/N! How old was Liam when he started karting?” The guy you had begun to think was not an actual Hitech employee asked. The three ages to choose from scribbled on the whiteboard. You studied them for a moment, and could see Liam in the corner of your eye writing out his own answer.

“He was seven, because I remember him telling me that there’s regulations in New Zealand that you can’t race go-karts competitively until you’re seven and then won the race.” You explained, remembering the story he had told you easily, it was one of your favourites, purely because of the joy on Liam’s face when he recounted it.

He turned the board around, showing the exact answer you had given, and he gave you a cheeky smile in response to your silent gloating about getting a point. There was nothing cuter in his eyes than you getting so worked up about a game.

“What is Liam’s pre-race superstition?” Before the board with the question and possible answers came up, your mouth blurted out the answer you already knew all too well.

“He gets in the car from the left.” You practically yelled, and Liam looked at you with wide eyes, not hearing your words but seeing the excitement at knowing the answer.

“How did you know that?” One of the Hitech PR asked as her main priority was to stir up more rumours about the two of you, as it was always good for the team’s press.

“Because I’m just as superstitious about getting in from the right side, so when he found out, he asked the team if we could switch around how our cars are placed in the garage so that we could meet in the middle, do our little ritual, and then get in the car from there.” You explained, watching as Liam wrote down his answer with no idea of the words you were saying.

When Liam turned the board around, he explained the exact same story you had, and you giggled when he finished, showing off a proud smile before putting the pieces together that you had already run the same spiel.

“It’s quite cute that the two of you explain things using basically the same words.” That same PR lady stated. And you almost rolled your eyes, almost. But you caught Liam blushing slightly, and a small, stupid part of you began jumping up and down, because not only did someone think your relationship with Liam was cute, but he blushed at that.

“It happens when you spend so much time with someone. I’ve started picking up Kiwi slang, and he’s learning some of my slang. You don’t realise it until you say something to someone when he’s not there and they’ve got no idea what I mean. It’s so normal for Liam to always be by my side, and me by his that when I’m with other people it feels weird.” You started on a ramble, something you were known for. And then just would… not… fucking… stop. The press officer looked satisfied, but as you had finally gotten your mouth to stop moving, you were scared to look over at Liam.

“Whenever she’s not within arm’s reach, I feel like I’m missing something.” Liam spoke quietly, and you gulped as you heard his words. The man was going to kill you, surely. This little production crew didn’t give a shit about your blossoming romance though, as they hurried you through to the next questions. You and Liam barely looked at eachother, your answers shorter and much more vague than they were before. You just wanted to get out of this chair and go freak out in an empty office somewhere.

“Well, the winner of this round is Liam, which means he has officially overtaken Y/N in the Hitech championship. How do you guys feel about this one?” The producers asked. You would usually have felt a bit of a blow to your chest finding out you had been beaten in two ways, but you truly couldn’t think of anything except your proximity to Liam.

“I think we found out a lot, and I’m glad to finally be ahead in the championship. I think it’s the only time I’ll ever be able to beat Mighty Mouse in anything.” Liam chuckled, reverting back to your ‘little sister’ nickname because he felt like the distance would help him process his emotions.

“Hey, you already beat me in height, age, and supercar experience, you gotta let me have something.” You whined, you looked over at Liam with a pout and puppy eyes, unintentionally making his heart pound out of his chest.

“Well you’re the cuter one of the team, and you’re a hell of a lot smarter than me, so I’d say you’re winning enough. Plus you’re higher up in the drivers standings than me.” Liam replied, leaning closer to stare into your eyes, barely two inches between your faces, you blinked slowly, afraid that any sudden movements would scare him away.

His large hand reached up, tucking a stray piece of hair behind your ear, then coming to rest at the side of your neck, his thumb resting on your jaw.

“I don’t think you realise what you do to me.” You mumbled, leaning forward very slightly to nudge your nose against Liam’s. His breath hitched, eyes boring into your soul in a way that made you freeze.

“It can’t be any worse than what you do to me. Looking as beautiful as you do, all I want to do is hold you, keep you close, show you off to the world, and I want to call you mine. I want to take you home and show you around my hometown, I want to introduce you to my parents, to take you to parties with my friends, I want to curl up in your apartment watching Harry Potter movies, and I want to dance around the kitchen with you at 2 in the morning making pancakes. I want to live my life with you.” Liam confessed, and for a few moments, you felt as though you couldn’t breathe.

You lurched forward, balling your fists up in that stupid blue sweater and pulling him closer. Liam’s eyes closed instinctively as your lips met, the coconut lip balm you applied before you came into the office was shared on your tongues, Liam’s exploring your mouth with vigor. You had never imagined him to be this passionate, this intense. But you had no complaints, his hands tugging you forward until you fell onto his lap, legs slotting in beside his own to straddle him on the wheely chair.

You broke away for a moment to catch your breath, eyes surveying every square inch of Liam’s face to commit it to memory. He truly was a gorgeous man, and you hoped you would get to see him like this many more times to come. He caught the look in your eyes and dove back into your lips, his teeth capturing your bottom lip in a bruising grip, a whimper escaping your lips before someone clearing their throat interrupted you.

“I guess we have everything we need for the video. Thanks you two.”

#Liam lawson #Liam lawson fanfic #Liam lawson x reader #Liam lawson imagine #Liam lawson fanfiction #f2 2021 #formula 2 #hitech gp #f2 fanfic

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tmnt-veelicious · 3 years

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Across the Stars - Ch.17

*crawls out of a hole* HOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLYYYY FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-

Yes. I am alive.

Yes I had a rough patch of life over the last few months.

And jeeeeesus, I think I wrote the beginning of this chapter like 3 times....

BUT IT’S HERE. AND I’M SORRY IT HAS BEEN SO LONG. At least the next chapter will be interesting and will introduce some new characters!!! I am definitely feeling the writing juices flowing~

First Chapter -> HERE Previous Chapter -> HERE Next Chapter -> SOON

''I think this neighborhood suits you,'' started April as both women were comfortably seated at a table in a cozy café. Vee couldn't help her quiet chuckle, crossing her arms as her eyes ventured to the large window that offered a view to the street. ''I think it does too..., but I'll be so far from everything. Mostly far from Donnie. He's downtown and I'd be uptown...'' ''It's not so bad! You know these guys can travel fast and they know the city like no one else.'' True. A small sigh escaped the artist, her attention back to the other. She was glad the reporter had answered her call. Vee confessed feeling stupid for her sudden departure and her attitude, but April had been quick to waive those away, answering that all that mattered was that her friend was safe. The only thing left to do was to move forward. Harlem seemed like a nice place. It was mostly known for its nightlife and its jazz influences, to which Vee felt drawn to. Maybe she'd have opportunities up here, who knows? Her train of thoughts came to a stop as a waitress got to their table; a lovely african american woman adorning a dark afro like a crown. Vee did admire her style, noticing her septum piercing and her 'au naturel' look. It didn't seem like much, but so many people could ever inspire the artist, and that was the beauty of living in New York. As the orders were taken and the women left with coffees in hands, proper discussions could finally start. ''So...starting a family?'' started Vee. ''Since when were you two planning that little adventure?'' April's smile was soft: ''We were talking about it for several months, but only recently did we really start to properly consider it.'' ''Even with both your lifestyles? … You wouldn't be the most 'typical' and 'calm' family.'' ''I don't think that should stop us, or anyone. … It's something we both want, Vee, and we're ready to work for it.'' ''I'm not saying the opposite, don't worry!'' quickly reassured Vee. ''… I guess I'm just having a hard time wrapping my head around that idea. I never really thought about having kids, so the thought process kinda escapes me.'' ''Oh?'' the reporter slightly cocked her head to one side, curious. ''I don't want to say I'm surprised, but still am nonetheless.'' The other woman seemed amused: ''There's so many things I have yet to accomplish.... Getting a child is the least of my worries right now. I guess I just don't really feel compelled at the idea.'' ''In that case I can understand,'' added April with a soft smile. ''It's only natural that you'd want to advance your career and get more stability, I get that.'' The conversation paused as their food arrived. But as soon as both were left alone again, the reporter couldn't help squinting a little, now curious: ''Although.... do you think you could ever have kids with Donnie?'' Vee almost spat her coffee, her thoughts suddenly rolling at a franctic pace. She frowned, reminiscing all those times they had sex without any protection. ''I, uh... I'm not sure,'' frankly answered the artist. ''I've never really thought about it, but now that you mention it, I should verify with him.'' ''I think it'd be in both your interests to set things clear. At least you'll know where you both stand in this...'' ''Yeah … that's for sure.'' What if he wanted kids? Could it be possible? At least for now her cycle had been steady and normal, so there was no fear regarding that. And the relationship was still in its early stages – it was too soon to think about that! Oh, those thoughts would plague her mind for the rest of the day, she knew that... ''Anyway, enough kid talk,'' said April, thankfully interrupting Vee's thinking. ''I wanted to discuss apartment and furniture with you.'' ''What, you wanna know how I'll decorate my fortress of solitude?'' playfully commented the artist. ''Oh come on now...'' ''Just kidding, just kidding, don't worry. What's on your mind?'' ''Since I'll be moving in with Casey and he pretty much already has everything in terms of furniture... I was thinking about giving you some of the stuff we have at the apartment. Fridge, oven, whatever you need.'' The artist lightly frowned. ''Wait... give? April, I can't just receive without giving in return. Tell me your price and I'll gladly give you so-'' ''Vee, please,'' gently cut the reporter. ''… I know I'm putting you in a difficult situation and things can turn expensive. I want to help in any way I can, plus you can always repay me in other ways. Don't worry about it. I've given it some thought and I'm at peace with that.'' And the artist was absolutey thankful. Knowing she didn't make the best of incomes, this help felt like a miracle. … Just thinking about all her future expenses was enough to make her head spin, but at least with Donnie's help – and now April – she knew she could get a good footing and proceed without immense struggles. ''Also,'' added April, ''I know you don't have the best of conversations with your parents regarding your choice of living in New York, so I wanted to ease things up by giving you a good headstart and make them less worried.'' Vee softly sighed, although showing a small smile. She knew the brunette had heard some bits and pieces of conversations ever since she moved in. Even if the dialogues had been in French, it was not hard to notice the argumentative nature of those calls. ''I, uhm … it's been almost a month since I spoke to any of them, so there's nothing to worry about for now,'' said Vee. ''Is everything alright?'' ''The less I talk to them, the better! So, yes, everything is fine,'' tried to reassure the artist. April seemed good with the answer, but there was no denying that for Vee to avoid her family, it would probably blow back to her face in a nasty way. But today was not the day to think about such matter. Breakfast done and over with, both women were now on their way to visit the apartments. The first one proved to be a complete disaster; mold found in the bathroom and under the kitchen sink, only two windows and barely any natural light coming in, a broken wardrobe door in the bedroom. The landlord didn't seem like the most caring person either, insisting that he'd get the needed repairs done once a new tenant would move in. ''Those things have a cost, you know?'' he would say. … And this apartment will be a hard pass, you know? Vee couldn't believe that she got fooled by the advertisment online. It seemed so nice... At least the second stop was promising. The lot was at the top floor of a five story high building. The entrance was a small hallway that had one door to the left which gave to the bedroom (with a window!), and a door to the right that gave to the bathroom. The end of the hallway gave to an open area to which the left part was planned for a living room, and the right had space for a kitchen, the area delimited by a side hall that gave enough surface for an extension of the counter tops. Some windows gave enough light into the place, as well as a nice view on the street and buildings around. Plus, the living room windows were tall and large enough, one being an entryway to the emergency staircase outside the building. It was perfect. *** Her step was light as she made her way back to the lair, the greatest grin plastered to her face. She did it! Well … almost! But it was at least a first step in the right direction. Her first point of interest when she arrived was Donnie's workspace, but she found it empty, instantly bringing a small frown on Vee's features. Maybe she should check the garage next? Her attention snapped when she heard a sharp sound – a can being opened. Turning around, she slightly jumped as she spotted Mikey nearby, an orange crush drink in his hand. '' 'Sup?'' ''Jesus, Mikey, you gave me a mini heart attack,'' she breathed out. ''Oops, my bad,'' he said, taking a sip. ''You lookin' for Don? He just got out on patrol with Raph.'' ''… Aren't you guys supposed to lay low for a while with the Purple Dragons and Foot Clan situation?'' The orange clad one shrugged: ''Going out on patrol doesn't mean we're looking for them, you know? We still gotta look out for the bad ones on the streets. Plus, going out in small numbers attracts less attention.'' ''Huh... touché,'' admitted Vee. ''I guess the good news can wait, then.'' ''What good news?'' The artist's grin was back: ''I might have found a new apartment! The landlord just needs to do a credit check and then, if it's all good, the place will be mine.'' The terrapin's smile was soon as big as Vee's: ''Yo! That's awesome! Where is it? How big is it?'' The woman didn't wast any time to grab a blank sheet of paper and a pencil laying around on Donnie's desk, already starting to sketch the layout of the apartment. Deep in her explanations, she did not notice Leonardo now standing near, trying to take a peek from behind. ''What's that?'' he asked. Vee slightly jumped again, already on the lookout for the leader. ''JEEZE, what's with you guys scaring me tonight?!'' Leo showed an amused smile, arms crossed before him as he took some pride in that comment. ''I'm an excellent ninja. Getting to scare you means I'm doing a good job.'' ''Alright, don't get too cocky.'' She briefly sighed, next bringing the paper to clearer view. ''Behold, this is probably my next apartment!'' The blue clad mutant took some seconds to observe the layout, pensive. ''… There's quite some windows in there. I'll have to get Donnie to secure the place so no one can spot you and get in.'' ''Leo! Chill!'' faintly laughed Vee. ''I don't even completely own the place yet. Plus I'll be on the fifth floor; I'd like to see anyone get in other than by the emergency staircase or the entry door.'' ''I'm sorry I am cursed with the leader plague. I always have to think many steps ahead.'' Vee's smile was soft: ''Don't worry, it's appreciated. But now it's time to celebrate! There's no place for worry tonight!'' ''Now we're talkin'!'' added Mikey playfully, rubbing his hands together. ''… Watchu wanna do?'' The artist left her paper back on her boyfriend's desk, a smug smile now showing on her features. ''Donnie and I do have a little secret stash of red wine, and I fully plan on going through one bottle tonight.'' ''Hell yeah!'' Mikey was now nudging his brother's arm with his elbow. ''Care for a drink as well? Come ooooonnnnnnnn.'' Leo was squinting, trying to appear severe, but it didn't take long for him to conceed with a grin, his posture relaxing. ''Alright. Just one.'' *** Vee was delightfully surprised to learn that Leo also had a taste for red wine, happily sharing her bottle with him – and of course he did take more than one drink. Meanwhile Mikey had opted for beer, some cans already resting in the fridge. It felt good to kick back and just be happy, living in the present and have no worries. But soon celebrations took an interesting turn, Vee definitely inspired by her luck and feeling a little bold. An idea came to her mind as Mikey was showing her some stuff he was hoarding, especially when it came to hair dye bottles. She had always wanted to try a new hair color... It didn't take long before everyone was set up: Vee sitting in a chair with a towel over her shoulders, hair in layers. Mikey had ''borrowed'' some of Donnie's latex gloves (used for when he was tattooing), already at the task of applying the chosen color. Meanwhile Leonardo was sitting nearby, keeping company and enjoying the show. ''It's gonna look dope as fuck,'' commented the orange clad turtle, hair dye brush in hand as he was spreading some color. ''I'm kinda nervous about it, though,'' added Vee. ''Last time I did something to my hair, it was only some blonde streaks here and there. … It's my first time going full on with a non-natural color.'' ''There's never nothing wrong with going wild once in a while,'' said Leo. The artist threw him a glance, somewhat amused. ''Says the guy who seems to overworry a LOT about anything.'' ''Hey, I have my moments, alright,'' chuckled the leader, next taking a sip of wine. Mikey tsked; ''What, your last wild thing was to shorten your training time or somethin'?'' ''Nooooo, I-...'' Leo lightly frowned, his lips forming a thin line. A sharp sigh left him as he confessed: ''I asked Mikasa out.'' Both Mikey and Vee's gazes were now locked on him, their smiles wide. ''Finally!'' let out the woman. ''How did it go? Is everything good?'' ''Spill the tea, bro!'' chided in Mikey. Leo's smile was shy, carefully choosing his words. ''We're still figuring some things out, I guess? It all started when we got to you both at the Maneki Neko... I brought her back to her apartment and we kissed. … I dunno how to explain it, it just felt right at that moment.'' ''So far, so good,'' commented Vee. ''What's next?'' ''I'll admit that I chickened out after that,'' continued the leader. ''I just didn't know yet if I was ready to get into some sort of relationship. I was a douche and I didn't say or text a word to her after a couple of days.'' ''You're a fucking dumbass,'' added the other turtle, slightly scolding as he parted some more layers of Vee's hair. Leo raised his glass a little: ''On that I agree, BUT! I kicked my own ass and finally got back in touch with her yesterday. I explained the situation to her and she agreed to meeting up and talk about it a little more. … I'm just-'' His eyes met Vee's, somehow pleading. ''How can I know she really likes me? For crying out loud, how did you know you liked Donnie?'' The artist couldn't help her laugh, surprising both mutants. Leo didn't really know how to react. ''Did … did I say something wrong orrrr?'' ''No, no! Good gosh, no!'' tried to rectify Vee, calming her laughter. ''Oh jeeze, Leo, you and Mikasa are just so freakin' adorable. …. Would you believe me if I told you that she kinda asked me the same question a while ago?'' The blue one showed a smirk, amused: ''Welp, I won't hide that I had a smiliar conversation with Donnie as well.'' ''See!'' pointed the woman. ''Dammit, you two. Mikasa likes you, okay? You guys … all four of you, there are people who're gonna like you and even love you for who you are, no matter the fact that you're mutants. Damn, get that drilled in your heads, alright?!'' Mikey couldn't contain a chuckle: ''You're pretty straight-forward when you get some drinks in you, Vee.'' ''I only speak the truth without reservation,'' she added, taking a sip of wine. She savored her beverage for some seconds before speaking up again: ''But to answer your question, Leo, I knew I liked Donnie when everything felt comfortable. I mean … whatever I would say or do, I knew it wouldn't mind him. … His presence is like a never-ending warm hug around me. I feel true, I feel seen...'' Her eyes got back to him. ''And if you feel like you can be your true self around Mikasa, then I say that it's worth a shot.'' ''I'll take your word for it,'' replied Leo, smiling and slightly lifting his glass in cheer. *** Hours later and Donnie couldn't be any more glad to be back home. Patrol had been pretty boring and tame tonight, but at least he got to spend some time with Raph, which was never a bad thing, at times. Hanging his gear for the night, he then proceeded to his workstation, only to frown a little once he spotted a sheet of paper with some sort of layout draw on it.

By the looks of it, it seemed to be an apartment, the gears of his mind running as he also recognized Vee's handwriting. ''Bro!'' His attention snapped, suddenly realizing that he had been deep in thoughts. He turned to the source of his calling, then noticing Mikey with a big smile on his face. Donnie didn't have time to say anything that his brother spoke again: ''I have the immense pleasure to present to you the world-premiere revelation of Vee 2.0.'' He did some theatrical gestures before bowing and backing out of view in a comical way, finally giving view to Vee who had been hiding behind him. The purple clad turtle's eyes grew wide as soon as he noticed the artist's new hair color. Teal. A lush dark green color that reflected so well when exposed to any lights. ''Whoa! That's so cool!'' blurted the tall terrapin, already approaching the artist. One of his hands was still holding the paper, but his other one couldn't stay put, gently taking some strands of Vee's hair and having a closer look at the color. He couldn't erase his grin, his eyes scanning every inches. ''You should thank Mikey, he's the one who did most of the work,'' informed the woman. The tall terrapin did throw a glance towards his brother who was still nearby: ''No wonder it's perfect. There's always a positive outcome to any of his projects.'' ''Aww, thanks bro!'' added the orange clad mutant, somehow surprised, yet glad to hear such compliment. ''So … you like it?'' asked Vee with a timid smile. ''Like it? I love it!'' answered Donnie, his gaze meeting hers. ''It really suits you. … Any specific reason for that change, though?'' The woman had noticed the sheet of paper in his hand, taking it in turn and pointing the sketch she did. ''If all goes well, this little lot will be mine.'' Donnie's happiness was renewed: ''For real?!'' A simple nod from Vee was enough for him to lift her off the ground in an embrace, unable to stop himself from spinning around a little, obviously feeling overjoyed. Relief also washed over him, knowing how the whole process was stressing the artist – and himself as well, there was no lying there. ''You did it, baby,'' he gently said, loud enough for only her to hear, nuzzling her as he came to a stop while still hugging her. ''Almost, but yeah. Let's hope for the best...,'' replied Vee in the same tone, her arms gently coming around his neck. ''Get a room, you two!'' piped in Raph's tone, playful. The couple looked his way, the red clad terrapin making his way to Mikey. ''Come on, let's give these two nerds some space. Ya wouldn't want to catch their cooties.'' ''Hah! You're just jealous!'' added Donnie comically, next suddenly hurrying to his room, Vee still in his arms and now laughing. Raph was rather unimpressed, a sharp exhale of air leaving him as he glanced from the running one back to his younger brother. ''…. The day I'll be jealous of that bean pole, assume that I'm delirious or somethin' like that.'' *** It wasn't long before they were found in bed, exchanging everyday clothing for comfortable wears. Donnie was laying first, Vee next nestled in-between his legs, her back against his form. The artist was not finished, drink-wise, so she shared some more wine with the terrapin, a screen mounted to a telescopic arm brought over them so they could watch any videos they desired. It was during moments like this that Vee felt at complete peace, loved, and the happiest. The warmth that invaded her could only confirm that she was at the right place with the right person. And yet the same question kept repeating itself in her mind since her conversation with April. ''Donnie, are we compatible?'' she asked in a shy tone. The mutant slightly frowned, his gaze still on the screen. ''Define 'compatible','' he asked. ''Can we procreate?'' His body and muscles suddenly tensed. Both were now staring at eachother, not giving a damn about the video anymore, the turtle trying to find his words. ''… Uhm, well, no. I don't think so. … Wh- Why are you asking this?'' Vee shrugged: ''Well, we've been having unprotected sex and I don't take any contraceptive pills. I'm just curious.... How can you be sure that we're not?'' He sighed briefly, his thoughts running a hundred miles per hour. The video on screen was still going on, the subject suddenly a blur. But that didn't matter. ''First of all, we're not the same specie.'' ''Ok then, why can tigers and lions create ligers? Why can donkeys and horses create mules?'' ''Because to their roots, they are the same. As for us, we come from two different branches. I'm a reptile, you're a mammal; there's a huge spacing inbetween us. Plus, I'm suspecting the mutagen has something to do with it, as it mostly prevents us from contracting human diseases, amongst other things.'' Vee crossed her arms, diverting her gaze, slightly feeling uneasy as she circled her drink slowly and pensively. ''… You do make sense. … I guess I was mostly biased by the fact that you do present humanoid features.'' She felt one of Donnie's hands to her cheek, bringing back her attention on him. ''… Did you want to have a child with me?'' he asked in a hushed tone, forever soft. Vee suddenly blushed, frowning a little. ''No! I mean- uh. Based on your explanations, no. Also I'm not ready for that and it's too early in the relationship to know. I- shit, I dunno,'' she blabbered. The terrapin's smile was soft, amused by her reaction. ''Hey, don't worry, I was just asking! … I guess I'm just wondering too if you ever wanted one. If that was the case, I wouldn't want to prevent you from doing so...'' ''What? You mean you'd let me hook up with a human guy only so I can get banged up?'' questionned the woman, confused, as she sat up straight and was still looking at the other. ''Hell to the no - yuck. The whole pregnancy shebang doesn't appeal to me anyway.'' ''Adoption is also an option,'' added Donnie, matter-o-factly. ''That's pretty much this family's case!'' ''For sure, and I think it's very admirable, but raising a child is still a huge deal in itself.'' She sighed, timidly rubbing the back of her neck. ''… Sorry I brought that up, I was just curious. Ever since I spoke with April, it has been bugging me. I'm really not ready for that chapter in my life and I don't think I'll ever be, but I wanted to know your opinion on that.'' Donnie rejoined her, one of his arms snaking around her form. He was softly nuzzling the top of her head, keeping her close. ''Whatever you choose or decide, I'll always stand by your side, loving every moments – every seconds - spent with you. We build our own happiness, and that doesn't mean it has to imply a child in the future. … As long as you're happy, so am I.'' ''I know. … I do feel kinda weird for not wanting a child though,'' mumbled Vee. ''Hey,'' intervened the mutant. ''You're not weird, believe me. Having a child is not an obligation. This is your body, your choice, and I will forever respect it.'' ''Oh, you better,'' smirked the artist in return.

#chapter #writing #tmnt #tmnt 2014 #tmnt 2016 #fanfic #fancharacter #oc #selfinsert #donatello x oc #donatello x selfinsert

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betsyandmaxwellandduchessohmy · 4 years

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can we get headcanons/reactions for a dadsona who's like, The Ernest Whisperer? they get along pretty famously, dadsona is really good at making ernest make better choices without being condescending about it. it's not perfect, but "dude, if you're gonna set fire to that trash can, you need a fuse or you'll blow your eyebrows off" is better than shutting him down or ignoring it altogether. like the mom in mean girls, steerin regina towards the Safer choice.

((I feel like I should say right off the bat; this is not part of the Lemon Boy continuity. There's two more parts to that but this isn't one of them. So Ernest is getting a bunch of love and I adore it. Honestly, Ernest is gonna be doing stupid, dangerous shit anyway, we might as well make sure he’s at least being safe about it. Also I love Ernest channeling his angst through artistic pursuits, so I’m adding it here.))

~~~

Summer had arrived. Amanda had graduated, and the kids of the cul-de-sac were free to their adventures. Which, of course, meant the troublemakers were free to their trouble.

You’d become something of an expert at dealing with the troublemakers, seeing as your daughter could be considered such by certain people, and you yourself had been considered such in your younger years by other certain people who were… probably dead by now, honestly.

You’d gotten to know all the neighborhood kids pretty well since moving in, but you’d be lying if you said you didn’t have favorites. All the kids seemed to like you well enough - Craig’s girls invited you to their games from time to time, Joseph’s oldest seemed to have taken an interest in your garden for some reason, and Daisy and Carmensita might favor Amanda over you on any given day, but they were polite and sweet and complimented your cooking, so you weren’t too sore about it. But hands down, you got on with Ernest and Lucien the best. You remembered what it was like to be that age, and you were proud to say you’d managed to get through where others said was impassable. You could tell the boys liked you, even if they refused to admit it. Maybe they could tell that you’d been like them, once upon a time. Trouble begets trouble, after all. It felt like they’d made an unspoken bet to see who could push you further. Who could get you to agree to or help with the most outlandish thing.

Lucien made you tag along while he did graffiti on the underside of the bridge by the dam. You lent him your spare respirator mask and kept an eye out for police and neighborhood watch.

Ernest found an abandoned factory a little ways from the cul-de-sac, and insisted on going there to fuck around. You managed to casually ask Hugo if Ernest was up to date on his tetanus shots and managed to convince Ernest not to swing from rafters or mess around with any old blades.

Lucien convinced you to give him and his friends a ride to a concert in the next city over. You paid for a last minute ticket and tagged along to make sure they’d be okay, and even managed to get a guy kicked out when you saw him slip something in one of Lucien’s friend’s drinks.

Ernest roped you into a paintball war in the more wooded area of the park. You supplied face shields and forced disposable rain ponchos over his and his friend’s heads. They didn’t help very much or last very long, but there was slightly less paint on them than there would have been, so it was a win. As was getting the paint stains out of Ernest’s favorite hoodie.

But beyond that - beyond the bet and the games and the stupid dangerous shit you tried to buffer them from, you knew that they trusted you. By this point, Hugo and Damien knew that their kids saw you as someone safe to lean on, and while Damien was simply glad, Hugo was more than a little baffled. You offered him what advice you could, but you knew that sometimes, your dad just felt too close. Hugo was getting the hang of it, but it was easier for you.

When Damien went out of town for the weekend, it was you that Lucien called when he started feeling unsafe at the house party he’d gone to.

When Ernest’s friends ditched him when they ran from the cops, he called you to come get him from the alley he’d hidden himself in.

Every time, you made sure they weren’t hurt. You made sure they weren’t scared. You promised not to tell their dads. You took them out for ice cream or greasy all-night diner food. And you brought them home.

You were accustomed to the boys deciding that doing stupid shit sounded like the best idea in the world. So when you saw Ernest and a few of his friends bumming around the orange-clad kid’s driveway, you kept an eye on them while you went about your business. Stores had been stocking up on firecrackers since April, so you wouldn’t be surprised if the rapscallions had managed to get their hands on a few here and there. You hesitated briefly before turning your back, brushing the last few flecks into place before straightening up again, smiling down at the beautiful thing you’d made. A frown tugged at your face, though, when you went for your pocket and found you’d misplaced your lighter. Poking around the garage for a moment, you spotted it on the little table you’d set up beside the garage door. Reaching for it, you paused, poking your head out into the summer air.

Ernest and his friends had migrated to Joseph’s trash cans. There was laughter - always a good sign - and they were pressed close together to block your view of what they were doing to the poor bin, but you had the feeling it wasn't going to be good.

When you saw one of the boys pull a lighter from his pocket you turned on a dime, marching over and plucking the large cylinder off the top of the trash bags, holding it up over your head and out of reach of any of the little monsters.

“Just what in the Styx do you boys think you’re doing?” you asked. Before anyone could answer, the figures immediately scattered, like the rats in ratatouille. They all ran in different directions, seeming to think that you couldn’t catch all of them. They were right, but you only really needed to catch Ernest, who had stumbled back from the can and was looking up at you with what could only be described as a pout. Slowly lowering the bundle, you gave it a glance.

Sparklers.

Well, at least it wasn’t bottle rockets or something.

"I- I feel like I should ask what your thought process was here?" you confessed, looking at the bundle of unlit sparklers. There must have been well over five hundred there, how did they get a hold of that many sparklers??

"Logan saw a video of a guy lighting ten thousand sparklers on fire. They wouldn't sell us that many, but I still think it was pretty impressive."

"What's impressive is that you guys were going to stand here, a foot away from a trashcan filled with sparklers, and expected not to wind up with your faces melted off,” you laughed softly in disbelief. “You’ve lit enough stuff on fire by this point that I feel like you, of all people, should know to use a fuse, if nothing else. Where's your dad, anyway?"

"The school," Ernest grunted, kicking at a loose pebble on the pavement. "Had some stuff to finish before he's done for summer."

You sighed, running a hand through your hair. You felt for the poor guy - reigning in reckless teens as a single parent was hard enough working from home, you couldn't imagine the position Hugo was in.

“Listen, I get the interest in firepower better than most - a little destructive force is cool and fun and all, I’m just staying there’s safer ways to go about it,” you insisted, sighing and running a hand over your face. Ernest, for his part, had the decency to look at least a little ashamed. A smile tugged at your lips as you looked back up at the garage. There was a thought... “Hey. If you’re still in the mood for some fire, I’ve got something you might like,” you offered. Ernest’s brows furrowed in confusion, and you nodded toward your garage, your smile growing just slightly when he fell into step beside you. “Y’know, my dad doesn’t really like me going into shady guy’s garages,” Ernest hummed, stepping past the garage door as if to make a point. “Sound advice. Good thing I’m not that shady,” you chuckled, mimicking Ernest’s skeptical look and throwing it back at him. “We’re neighbors with Robert, arguably the shadiest dude around. I’m comparatively way less shady. No offense to Robert. Now come check this out.” Ernest rolled his eyes, but did as instructed, stepping up to the large slice of walnut set up on sawhorses. The round of wood still had its bark attached to its edges, and black flecks were spread across the piece, shading in the image of a pair of crows perched on a gnarled branch, almost lifelike in their detail. “O… kay. What am I looking at?” he asked, arching a brow. “Like, not that it’s not cool, but… um?” You couldn’t keep the chuckle back, setting the sparkler bomb on your workbench and you pulling your lighter from your pocket. “What you’re looking at, Ernest, is best known as gunpowder painting,” you hummed, tossing up the lighter and catching it in your hand. Ernest’s expression changed from confused boredom to a level of fascination in a flash, his gaze darting up to your face. Tossing up the lighter once more, you caught it and held it out to the kid. “Care to do the honors?”

Ernest took the lighter, looking at the black flecks, and glancing warily back up at you before flicking the little device. Reaching out with a steady hand, he lit the end of the branch, watching with unbridled delight as the image went up in flames, each fleck of powder burning a small mark into the wood before going out quickly. You silently guided him back a step as the flames got higher, and for half a second, Ernest feared that the two of you might burn your garage down, until he noticed the sheet of metal you’d strung up from the garage rafters, protecting the wood. The kid laughed a little at the sight, and you couldn’t help but ruffle his hair. You knew Hugo had a fair bit of trouble with him, but he really was a good kid. He just needed a guiding hand.

Seconds later, the flames died, and the crows were burnt into the wood, beautiful and visually interesting. “That was so cool!” Ernest grinned brightly, reaching out to run his fingers over the burn marks. “Mind it- it’s still a little hot,” you warned, smiling as you moved to retrieve a container of walnut oil. “It’s a little more precise than a wood burning tool. Unlit gunpowder’s a bit more forgiving.” “Can we do another??” he asked, though his smile dimmed a bit when he saw the apologetic look you wore. “Sorry, kiddo. You’ll have to give me a while - I’m out of powder. But I’ll tell you what - once I get this bad boy to Damien, I’ll get some more powder and a few pieces of wood, and you can make your own piece, how’s that sound?”

“Seriously?”

"Hey, have I ever gone back on my word?" You asked, looking out at the cul-de-sac. The sun had begun it’s descent to the western horizon, and soon the neighborhood would be lit up and golden. “How about we have a fire? Then I can keep an eye on you till your dad gets back, and you can burn some stuff.” “I don’t need a babysitter.” Ernest rolled his eyes, but he didn’t snap the words at you, so you didn’t think he was annoyed enough to stomp off. “But you do like burning things,” you shrugged, moving toward the old fridge you’d pushed up beside the door leading into the house. “You’re welcome to a soda, if you want one.” Plucking up a small plastic cooler, you grabbed a container of kerosine, intending to squirt a little on your fire pit to get it started. When you reached for your lighter, and found it missing, it appeared instead by your face, held out by a kid who looked to be trying desperately to appear as if he wasn’t interested. A smile tugged at your lips, and you took the offered lighter. “Thanks, kiddo.” Ernest shrugged, sitting in one of the lawn chairs before standing and scooting it closer to the fire pit. You noticed a can in his hand and your grin widened. Once the fire was lit, you pulled out a can for yourself and sat in the other chair, sighing softly as you relaxed.

“Man, you’re so much cooler than Hugo,” Ernest groaned, leaning back on his chair. You winced in sympathy for your neighbor, carding a hand through your hair. “Hey, your dad is very cool,” you insisted, earning a look that clearly asked if you were serious. “I mean it! Just because he’s more reserved and cautious than I am, doesn’t mean that he’s not cool. He’s just… Hugo is more or less the Jamie to my Adam.” Ernest looked at you blankly and you sighed, shaking your head. “Look. Hugo’s your dad. I’m not. Hugo’s the one who has to be responsible for you - It’s not any more fun being the parent that has to be responsible all the time than it is being the kid being told what to do. Your dads have been divorced how long now?”

“... year and a half,” Ernest muttered, looking uncomfortably into his soda can.

“Exactly. That’s not a lot of time to find a proper balance between Fun Supportive Dad and Authoritarian Dad. My spouse died when Amanda was still a kid, so I’ve had most of her life to figure it out and get it right, and I still don’t get it right all the time.

“Your dad doesn’t like to do anything hastily, and I like to do everything incredibly hastily. So therein you have the dichotomy of our patterns,” you hummed, picking up your soda and taking a swig. “There’s a difference between being a good dad and a good parent. They’re not mutually exclusive, but it’s hard to strike a balance. Good parents make sure you’re eating healthy and getting good grades and learning the right lessons. Good dads… hm. Good dads…"

You trailed off, seeing out of the corner of your eye how Ernest was looking at you. Nervous, but thoughtful. Pensive. You shook your head, deciding to try another explanation.

"Okay, stop me if I start to sound patronizing."

"Kay," he agreed, seeming to brace himself. You took a deep breath, hoping beyond hope that you could word this right.

"Hugo is a single parent now. He's so emotionally invested in, and drained by, raising you right, that he doesn't have the energy to do the fun stuff that you get to do with your other dad.

"Your other dad? He's probably more like me. But he gets to see you on the weekends. Hugo has you all week during the school year. He's the one who has to… to make sure you get up on time, to make sure you get your homework done. And because Hugo does that, your other dad doesn't have to worry about it, so he can focus on taking you fun places and doing cool stuff with you, the way I do. There's no doubt in my mind that Hugo would love to encourage a safe level of pyromania, or go to events with you, but he's busy making sure you have the capacity to be a functional adult when the time comes.”

"Okay, I… I see your point. But it's not like I'm asking him to spend time with me and my friends, or- or go to a concert with me,” he didn’t emphasize the point, but you still caught the jab. You hadn’t been able to convince Hugo to let him come to that concert with you and Lucien, and you had been worried that he was a little bitter about it. “I mean - that stuff might be nice if he wasn’t so lame. I just want him to let me do stuff with my friends. Like, trust me once in a while, y’know?” “Okay. I know how this is gonna sound, but… you gotta prove he can trust you. Kiddo, you’re a pyro in the making, and that can be scary for a parent. You gotta show him that you’re smart enough to be trusted with safety stuff. Same with school stuff, same with friend stuff. The more good decisions you make, the more he’ll trust you to make more good decisions.” Ernest sighed. Not exactly exasperated, but not exactly resigned either. “I know it’s not easy, but you don’t have to get it right away,” you assured gently, taking another swig of your soda. “And you can still do stupid dangerous shit sometimes, because stupid dangerous shit is fun and ridiculous and I know you’re never gonna fully stop.”

Your talk with Ernest lasted a lot longer than you expected, the western sky had dulled from cool blue to a soft violet once the sun sank below the horizon, and stars began to fleck the sky. You weren’t sure when the kid dozed off, but when you looked over at him, his face had gone slack and peaceful. You silently thanked the powers that be that he’d put his can in the cupholder. A flash of movement caught your eye, and you craned your neck to the side of the house, spotting a familiar figure poking his head around the corner.

“Hugo, hey,” you greeted, waving him over. The teacher tentatively made his way across the lawn, standing just behind your chair to the side opposite Ernest. “I was just coming by to ask if you’d seen him,” he confessed awkwardly, looking at his son. “He’s been here since about noon, when I stopped him from blowing up Joseph’s bins,” you grinned. Hugo gave a soft groan, rubbing his face in exasperation. “MC, I’m so sorry-” “No, don’t be! We had a great time,” you assured, giving him a grin. “I showed him my new piece, and we had a chat.” Hugo frowned curiously, but nodded, and ran a hand through his hair. You offered him a soda and he took it, seemingly without thinking “Once I get the supplies, I told him we could do some gunpowder painting. You should join us.” Hugo very nearly choked on his soda.

“Relax, it’s all very safe,” you promised, laughing softly as he recovered. “I showed him the piece I was making for Damien and he seemed interested. Might be a good outlet for the firestarter tendency.” “I see. I don’t know if I…” “Just give it a shot? It might be something fun for you guys to do together.”

Hugo gave pause, looking between you two, and you smiled when he nodded after a moment’s hesitation. “I’ll… I'll think about it,” he agreed. Smiling, you leaned over, gently shaking Ernest’s arm. “Kiddo. C’mon, time for you to head home.” Ernest grunted, half asleep even as he pushed out of his chair. Hugo moved to place a hand on his back, and either from sheer tiredness or some shade of incredible wakefulness, he didn’t push out of Hugo’s grip. “Thank you, MC.” “Anytime. I’ll let you know when I get more powder, kay, Ernest?”

The teen nodded, allowing Hugo to guide him back out of the yard. You really hoped you hadn’t gone too far today. You wanted good things for your neighbors, and you wanted to help them however you could. Hopefully you could do that without overstepping. You sighed softly, looking up at the stars spattered across the night sky and the cinders that rose from the fire. Hopefully you could help without anyone getting burned.

#Here Come the Dads #Right at the end there #Hugo #Ernest #ddadds #Dream Daddy #dream daddy a dad dating simulator #Ernest ddadds #ddadds ernest #ddadds imagines #hugo ddadds #ddadds hugo

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thatmiddle · 3 years

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Top 10 Albums that Shaped my Existence

How do I put this lightly, I believe listening to music matters as much as breathing. I know that is hyperbolic, but I don’t care. It can fuel your soul in a similar way that air fuels your body to move. It brings to life moments, places, and people. That’s probably why if you listen closely music is everywhere. It’s in the steel drums at Union subway station or the clarinet player at Yonge and Dundas Square. It’s is found from a broken guitar with unclipped strings in Kensington Market to a radio blasting out of an open window. It’s heard from the lake on a cool breezy summer night. It’s made by the leaves in the trees and the creatures roaming its branches. Music is inescapable.

Music is also a lot cheaper than therapy and for most, it is incredibly accessible. In saying that I do not mean to conflate therapy to music, but I do think there is a healing power to songs. This form of artistic expression has been with me during my brightest minutes and my darkest hours. I have relied on it like Aladdin did his magic carpet; it lift me up and took me to places I never thought I’d ever go. All I have to do was turn it on, tune in and drop out, as some would say.

During this pandemic I have leaned heavily into music, it is the perfect socially distanced escape. During this time that I have also gone back to old albums and reflected on how they influenced me and shape who I am today.

In Rainbows - Radiohead

If I had owned this album in an analogue form I would have destroyed it by overplaying it in my Discman. Radiohead is a wonderful band that have made wonderful albums but for some reason, this is the particular one I return to. To me, In Rainbows is the music I heard when I realized that I wanted to take my life in a different more creative direction than that of my peers. In Rainbows is the album I heard on carpool rides to Shakespeare Camp as a young girl. In Rainbows is what played in my head the first time I walked into Kensington Market as a young naive suburban girl. The music is so diverse with its sound but creates a distinctly modern tone. I find the music runs like a stream and cascades into fountains of sound I never expected. All the songs are beautiful but my favourite from the album has always been House of Cards.

Brothers - The Black Keys

If In Rainbows was an early marker of my youth, Brothers by The Black Keys established my teenage self and heavily moulded how I carried myself into my early twenties. With the raunchy guitar, hard drums and vocals somewhere between garage rock and blues, this album stimulated every part of my life. It is one of those albums that upon listening to the first fifteen seconds of the opening track Everlasting Light, I am immediately taken back to driving around in Toronto suburbs and getting into trouble. This album started my ongoing obsession with The Black Keys. Fun fact I named my first Tumblr blog off of a misreading a song lyric in the track The Only One, which also happens to be one of my favourite tracks on the album. I’ve tried to see The Black Keys live twice and both times I was unable to attend the concert. One day I will see them.

Revolver - The Beatles

There are a lot of Beatles albums I love and I wouldn’t say this is my favourite of theirs, but it is I would argue its one of their more underrated albums. From what I have gathered about Beatles fans (having been one since I was six years old), this choice isn’t mutually exclusive. It does however seem that established fans love either Rubber Soul or Revolver. For me, I choose the latter. This album is very experimental for the band as they were still coming out of their admired boy band era. I came to this album as a young girl whenever I played with my toys in the living room of my childhood home. I always heard a Beatles album playing in the background and when Revolver came on I was elated. My toys went on new adventures, met new people and told new stories. The Beatles have always brought out the creativity in me and I’m very grateful for that. Check out the song I’m Only Sleeping, it’s so meditative and my most replayed track.

Man on the Moon: The End of Day - Kid Cudi

I wasn’t in a good place when I was fortunate enough to be introduced to this album as being a teenager can be an incredibly difficult experience. Yet upon hearing this album I was pleasantly surprised, I never expected to find that catharsis in a young American rapper named Kid Cudi. I always liked some rap and hip-hip songs (don’t ever get me started on the importance of Sean Paul), but foolishly enough I never gave a full album or artist the chance. Man on the Moon found me at the right moment. This album’s production is so complex and crosses genres in ways I never expected; it leaves me wanting more every time. Kid Cudi hip-hop is different, Kid Cudi hip-hop goes deep and feels it. While Day ‘N’ Nite is one of the most recognizable songs on the album don’t sleep on Heart of a Lion, it’s beautiful.

For Emma, Forever Ago - Bon Iver

Like many teens in the mid-2000s, I made a Tumblr account. It was a great place filled with hormone-induced rage posts, images of skinny girls ripped from the website We Heart It, and boundless creativity. As a previous webpage creator hailing from the Geocities days, site creation was not new to me. I took up a URL and got to work. During this time I leaned deeper into the ‘indie girl’ aesthetic, which is where I found Bon Iver. Bon Iver’s music is soft and melodic and his guitar strums could whisk you away on a cloud. For Emma, Forever Ago was the soundtrack to the version of me who longed for combat boots, a-line skirts from American Apparel, and a cute hipster boyfriend to take me away from all my problems. I never got everything I wanted, but I was always able to sit in deep thought and listen to this album and for that, I’m incredibly grateful. The Wolves (Act I and II) is one of my favourite tracks off the album, I love the crescendo towards the end of the song it makes me want to release any bad feelings I have through some strong movement.

Is this it - The Strokes

I don’t remember when I first heard this album, I just know it was an unofficial anthem to my early twenties. Was it playing at that frat party? Or maybe it was at the live show in that bar one time. Is This It is the perfect album for starting out in a new place with dreams and about $20 to your name. This album is made for people entering young adulthood making mistakes and living for the moment. Garage rock is such an underrated genre, but perhaps that’s the suburban girl in me speaking. I want to dance every time I hear a track of this perfectly crafted experience. I hear those guitar riffs and I am taken back to running through Toronto at midnight with friends. Is This It is unapologetic and an outstanding debut album for The Strokes and cemented their status as indie rock legends, I don’t care what anyone says. There are a lot of amazing songs to recommend but I will try and spice things up. Last Nite and the title track Is This It are obvious choices but the bop you need to listen to is Someday.

Wish you were here - Pink Floyd

Everyone has to listen to Pink Floyd in university otherwise they never went…right? Pink Floyd always felt like a right of passage that I would eventually reach although I did cheat and wear a Dark Side of The Moon cropped t-shirt I got from HMV in high school just to seem cool. It wasn’t until first-year university I fell in love with the song Wish You Were Here. I’m sure I was just feeling nostalgic after moving out of my suburban bubble and into the big city for the first time. Nevertheless, after annoying my new roommates by listening to that song on repeat in my bedroom I decided to give the rest of the album a shot and immediately fell in l love. It is a short ride but an emotional journey. I thought I had felt everything I needed to feel at 21, then I heard Shine On You Crazy Diamond (Pts 1-5). If you were living under a rock and haven’t heard this album I recommend it. And do check out that track.

good kid m.A.A.d city - Kendrick Lamar

Swimming Pools was everywhere in 2012, it was synonymous with the nightlife which was surprising given its lyrics. Good kid MAAD city takes the ideas explored in Swimming Pools and expands them into a full universe. As soon as I turned on the first song I felt like I had been lifted from my cold Canadian home and into the chaotic Compton of Kendrick Lamar’s universe. This concept album has such depth I feel I learnt more than I would have ever expected. I love the way the album weaves recorded scenes with various characters and the music, it creates such a vivid picture as you listen through the whole piece. I felt deep sympathy towards the struggles told on the record in ways I never thought I would. Good kid m.A.A.d city is a great ride from start to finish without ever skipping a single track, but if you had to speed up to a gem I highly recommend the track Money Trees.

channel Orange - Frank Ocean

I was originally introduced to Frank Ocean through his work with Odd Future or as I proudly scribbled everywhere, OFWGKTA. Frank Ocean was always the quiet R&B guy from the group that I never thought I would have known much about but early 2013 rolled around all that changed. An old friend of mine had pointed me in the direction of new work by the musician and I ran towards the sound immediately. Frank’s voice is mesmerizing and he mixes sounds in ways I would never expect. His lyrics are dark and deep. This album got me through a lot of mixed emotions I started to experience as I worked my way through my undergrad. Frank understood what it meant to feel and I connected deeply with that. Pink Matter was the soundtrack to my life, I listened to it on repeat doing just about every task I could imagine.

House of Balloons - The Weeknd

I remember Toronto the year that The Weeknd released his first mixtapes. He was just an enigma floating through the city, no one could pin him down. I am one hundred percent one of the people who got their hands on the YouTube videos early and saved them immediately to my accounts. I wanted more and I didn’t know why. He captured a sound that still exists here today, it was dark and full of mystery. As soon as I got my hands on the first mixtape I popped that baby into my iPod and played it so much practically the full album made it to my ‘Top 25 Playlist’ on the device. I am obsessed with The Weeknd’s voice and as someone from Etobicoke, I am even more obsessed with the fact that he’s from Scarborough. He sounds like home to me and I will never be able to let that go. When I play this album (which is at least once every year I’ll have you know), I feel sure about who I am and where I come from. It’s not an explicit attitude to being from Toronto, but rather a feeling that you can carry throughout everything you do. The Weeknd carries that on a world stage and I am proud to say he is a Toronto native. Every song on the album is amazing and I say listen to them all, but do make sure you pay special attention to Loft Music. Nothing spells nightlife in Toronto more than at least one party in a condo or loft by Lake Ontario. I was actually asked to go to a late-night loft party by a random man at a Chinese restaurant one time so I can vouch for this happening in the city. Clearly, Abel knew what he was talking about.

Music is one of the most important things in my life. It is like a fuel I use to keep my motor moving. I find it anywhere and everywhere. I rely on it so much it has been the godsend I didn’t realize I needed during a pandemic. I think I am starting to understand why movies from the 1930s were so much about escapism; drifting off into another world during a difficult time can feel like magic.

What are 10 albums that shaped who you are? Let me know in the comments.

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chaunceyandchumleysdad · 5 years

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RIOT FEST, Day 3 Sunday September 15

My wife did not attend this day, but I still opted for driving as I couldn’t face taking the L after the ease of driving and parking the first two days. Weather was very similar to Friday. Some rain in the morning created a few muddy/wet areas, but the fields were mostly in good shape. A little humid with a cooling breeze and just a very light sprinkle for a few minutes later in the day.

· Ultra Q (Rise stage) – The first band of the day. I didn’t have anyone in particular I wanted to see at this time, but Ultra Q was the choice simply because they were on the stage of the next band I wanted to see. They were a rockin’ Pop Punk band and a good opener for Day 3.

· Save Ferris (Rise stage) - I have to admit this is one of the bands I most wanted to see this year. I love Ska Punk, I’m easily hooked on good Pop sounds and I’m a sucker for any band with a good front woman. Their 1997 debut It Means Everything is an album I cannot seem to get enough of. After their sophomore release Modified in 1997, they struggled through numerous personnel changes, breakups, lawsuits and eventually a revival where Monique Powell was able to obtain the rights to the band’s name. Deservedly so because she is the face of the band. And she was soooo entertaining. Her singing, humor and banter was outstanding. She held the crowd in sway in a manner that is comparable to Gwen Stefani. She started the show in a tight black dress and stripped off pieces of clothing until she was eventually down to a Vaudeville-type leotard. She strutted around the stage while teasing the crowd with sexual innuendos. Even the band members continuously laughed and smiled while watching her stage antics. The band covered the Dead Kennedys song Too Drunk To Fuck and of course, they finished the set with their great cover of Come On Eileen. Based on the energy Monique puts into singing on her records, I had high hopes for the show and she and Save Ferris did not disappoint.

· White Reaper (Roots Stage) – This Louisville band that was not on my radar. However, as I was walking through the park that morning, a lady I was chatting with suggested I see White Reaper because her cousin is in the band. They were very good playing a brand of Hard Rock/Garage Punk. I stayed for about half their set before moving on to catch some of another band.

· Frank Iero and The Future Violents (Rise Stage) – I caught the second half of this show. Frank Iero was one of the guitar players in My Chemical Romance. I was not familiar with this band but they had a nice Alternative sound and were very energetic on stage.

· Less Than Jake – Well, I had to have more Ska Punk! I remember my older son David being into this band when he was a young teenager. Although I’ve listened to this musical genre since the Ska Revival in the late 70’s, it was really David’s interest in bands like Reel Big Fish, Save Ferris, The Aquabats and Less Than Jake that got me to start listening to it on somewhat of a regular basis. Less Than Jake was awesome. I stood close to the stage and enjoyed their sound, energy and great humor. They put so much into their show and had a lot of fun with the audience. It was easy to tell by their laughter, smiles and jokes that they really enjoy what they are doing. This is a band I would definitely like to see again.

· Sincere Engineer (Rebel stage) – This band is led by Chicagoan Deanna Belos. Their debut album was just two years ago. Very good hard driving Garage Punk. This was the only band I saw with my younger son Dylan, who had just arrived and then departed after the set to catch up with friends.

· Streetlight Manifesto (Rise stage) – And more Ska! I did not see the first half of their set but Dylan and I could hear them while we sitting on the soccer field and eating some dinner. After Dylan left, I went to see the rest of their set. Like Less Than Jake, they were a fun, energetic Ska band.

· B-52’s (Radicals stage) – For my taste, this was the beginning of a killer ending for Riot Fest with an incomparable Final Four musical artists. While I can’t say that I am a huge B-52’s fan, I did get into them from hanging out with my buddy Dean in the 1980’s. Their album Comic Thing, released in June 1989, was a summer classic that year. I still enjoy listening to it from beginning to end. They played their two big hits from that album, Love Shack and my favorite, Roam in addition to other hits such as Give Me Back My Man and Rock Lobster. What amazed me was that Kate Pierson (71) and Cindy Wilson (62) still sounded youthful and superb. Fred Schneider’s quirky voice still sounds the same too with his singing and talking voices being virtually indistinguishable. They also drew the largest crowd I had ever seen at the Radicals stage. There sound was rounded out with original member Keith Strickland on guitar and a host of touring musicians. While all still the original members, the death the Ricky Wilson in 1985 almost ended the band, but they forged ahead as a quartet and continuing to be a very entertaining band. After Riot Fest, I did read an article that suggested this was a farewell tour for the band. I haven’t seen or heard that anywhere else. Given their ages and longevity, I guess it would not be surprising, but I hope they stick around awhile longer.

· Patti Smith and Her Band (Riot stage) – The second of the Final Four was the great Patti Smith. This was my second time seeing her as she was also at Riot Fest in 2014. One of the founders of Punk (before it was called Punk), she was way ahead of her time in terms of her music, attitude and feminism. While she has produced some great songs, I was surprised, though not disappointed, that she did several cover versions during her set including I’m Free (Rolling Stones), Beds Are Burning (Midnight Oil), Are You Experienced? (Jimi Hendrix), Walk On The Wild Side (Lou Reed) and After The Goldrush (Neil Young). I particularly liked I’m Free and Beds Are Burning. She closed the set with Gloria, which is technically a cover song (Them). However, that was the opening track of her first album and she did such a unique version of the song that she has made it her own. Add in People Have The Power and Because The Night along with a couple of other originals and it made for a wonderfully enjoyable set.

· The Raconteurs (Roots stage) – Earlier in the year, when I heard The Raconteurs were touring, I immediately went to their website to see when they would be in Chicago. While they were going to be playing in Midwest states during September, Chicago was noticeably absent from their schedule. That immediately led me to speculate that they would play Riot Fest. While I’m sure I wasn’t the only on to draw that conclusion, I was dead right for a change. (My Riot Fest prediction percentage does not have the best track record.) I just saw Jack White perform last year at Lollapalooza so it was great to see him again a little more than a year later. I would have to say for overall performance, this was, in my book, the best of the festival. The show was just so impactful in terms of being a tight band with great professional talent, tremendous production and a powerhouse of sound. They played six songs off the new album (Help Us Stranger), four from Broken Boy Soldiers and three form Consolers Of The Lonely. I like all three albums so I was happy with everything they played. Jack White also referenced Bikini Kill during the set and the band also played a snippet of Gloria which I interpreted as a nod to Patti Smith.Unlike last year at Lolla, Jack White did not offer much banter between songs, but I believe the bands stage time was much shorter at Riot Fest than it was at Lolla. As with last year at Lolla, I thoroughly enjoyed Jack White’s guitar playing. When you look at the span of his career, the various directions he has gone with his music, and the potential he still has, he is truly a treasure of American Rock music.

· Bikini Kill (Riot stage) – This band was Riot Mike’s coup for the 2019 edition of Riot Fest. This year was the first time Bikini Kill officially reunited as a band since they broke up in 1997. The reunion included 3 of 4 original members (Kathleen Hanna, Tobi Vail and Kathi Wilcox). I have twice seen Kathleen Hanna live with her band The Julie Ruin, but I never thought I would see Bikini Kill. It seemed like a bit of a strange transition from The Raconteurs big time Rock sound to Bikini Kill’s stripped-down Riot Grrrl sound. But Riot Fest is first and foremost a Punk Rock festival, so Bikini Kill deserved the top spot. Kathleen Hanna also commented on how difficult it is for a female band to get “this spot” (top headliner and a Rock music festival). Kathleen sang the bulk of the songs with Tobi Vail taking lead vocals for a few numbers. Kathleen talked quite a bit between songs, often addressing societal issues from a feminist point of view but also talking about the history behind some of the songs. Based on my experience seeing The Julie Ruin, I know she likes to chat on stage. However, when you are given a 75 minute time slot and you play Punk songs that are on average maybe two minutes long, I suppose you have to fill up the time with some banter. At any rate, it was fantastic to see this band and an awesome way to end Riot Fest 2019.

#riot fest #chicago #douglas park #ultra q #save ferris #white reaper #frank iero #less than jake #sincere engineer #streetlight manifesto #the b-52's #patti smith #the raconteurs #bikini kill #fuck yeah riot fest #riot fest sucks

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themelbournetone · 4 years

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Top 7 Performances of Laneway 2020!

Written by Ryley Clarke

Marking its 14th return to its hometown of Melbourne, Laneway Festival 2020 presented its most versatile line up yet, composed of Australia’s most loved bands and some of the world’s most renown international artists; not to mention the many unique and niche acts which Laneway festival has had a rep for showcasing since day 1. The day was full of so many amazing moments and sound-satisfying performances from every artist, but there were some performances which truly stood out. So, let’s recap some of the best performances of Laneway’s biggest and boldest year yet.

1. The 1975

After a somewhat frightening situation for frontman Matt Healy of The 1975, who was not able to perform at Brisbane’s Laneway Festival (due to last minute illness), many wondered if The 1975 would be able to perform the rest of their Laneways shows. Somehow, Healy somehow managed to super-humanly heal himself, and return to the lineup in no time.

Barely wasting a second, The 1975 jumped on stage, bringing with them a deafening sound of anticipation. I turned around and saw a whole new level of enthusiasm from the crowd, their cries of excitement surrounding the festival. Launching a brand-new set (full of their trademark energetic and captivating pop hits), they started the with a bang, Healy screaming their loud punk-pop rocking melodies into microphone.

Having never properly listened to The 1975 before, I was amazed by how much more louder, punchier, and vibrant their live-shows are compared to their recordings (which feel slightly quiet, but still full of passion). The charismatic energy from the crowd continued to fuel The 1975, as they played the hits that defined their name, ‘Love It If We Made It’, ‘It’s Not Living (If It’s Not With You)’ and ‘Chocolate’.

My favourite part of their show was when Matt calmed things down and played a pre-recorded piece from their upcoming album, a sample starring Greta Thunberg, talking about the earth’s current state and what the future may hold for us. The 1975 proved that political bands and moments like this still hold a big part in what makes Laneway’s Festival. What matters most is holding attention to the worlds current problems, we can sing and dance and party all we like, but at the end of the day climate change is a reality Australia has faced this summer, and this moment was a perfect reminder of why we have to continue to fight climate change.

2. Charli XCX

Returning to Australia for her very first festival headlining slot, Charli didn’t stop for one moment, keeping the energy and the enthusiasm going throughout the entirety of her set.

Charli was nothing but fun and confident, performing her heart out to one of the biggest crowds of the day. I never knew that Charli XCX co-wrote ‘I Love It’ in collaboration with Icona Pop and was definitely the surprise of the day for me. Hands went flying in the air with screams of joy, for all of her hit songs, including ‘I Got It’, ‘Boys’, and ‘1999’.

Her heart-warming performance ended what felt too soon, with Charli XCX performing her final song and exiting the stage, leaving the crowd in the midst of the final hours of the evening, and in eager anticipation for The 1975…

3. Hockey Dad

Kicking off with a new track (’In This State’), Hockey Dad showed off their catchy pop lyrics, while still staying true to the pulsing and spirit driven surf sound the rock legends are known for. Hockey Dad smashed out a brilliant hard-rocking set, comprised of all of their greatest achievements from Boronia, Dreamin’, and their latest album, Blend Inn.

Seeing Hockey Dad shred their newest hit ‘I Missed Out’, which took out the 60th spot in the Hottest 100 (should’ve been higher, like seriously Triple J, what the hell), was bloody awesome, absolutely nailing the epic, surfy solo.

Joining their new live roster was bassist Steven from Step Panther, who was asked to fill in the backline so Zac could shred a few more solo’s here and there. I have to say, this was a bloody good choice, it worked really well. Adding a bassist to their lineup further improved their sound, not to say that their live setup hasn’t always interested fans (including myself), but it provided a much needed punchier and harder sound.

Finishing their set with ‘Seaweed’, Hockey Dad have seriously began to make an impression, I’ve always thought they were headliner worthy, and I think if they are given the chance I think they will absolutely own it.

4. Ocean Alley

I don’t think I’ve ever seen Sydney legends Ocean Alley perform a bad set. They kicked off the evening with a surf psychedelic rhythm that was contagious, perfect, and nicely placed to chill out and enjoy the evening breeze that began to cool down the festival punters.

The rhythmic six-piece band captured the attention of every punter, snagging one of the biggest audiences of the day, with everyone wanting to get a piece of Ocean Alley. Punters were on each other’s shoulders, as the band grooved through a perfectly flowing set. Kicking off with ‘Knees’, ‘The Comedown’, and ‘Yellow Mellow’, Ocean Alley also played some newly released tracks, marking their live debut. ‘Stained Glass’ and ‘Tombstone’ had the crowd freshly tuned and focused in anticipation for their new album, which will hopefully be released sometime this year.

Ocean Alley’s transitions between songs are always exceptional, so much so that it’s always my favourite component of their set. The build up between Lemonworld and into Confidence had people crowdsurfing in absolute excitement, they knew exactly what was coming, singing and dancing, it’s always a special moment to see in person.

5. King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard

Known to be Australia’s favourite multi-faceted musicians, King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard comfortably rocked their way through a bloody awesome and diverse set. The shred-lords went through some of their most hard hitting and thrashing songs to their most versatile, soft, indie rocking sounds. You would think these dynamics wouldn’t fit within their setlist, but being the magician wizards they are, King Gizzard somehow pulled it off with ease.

The moshpit kicked dust into the sky as some of the band’s punchier rock songs got the crowd going. As their set progressed and changed altitudes, the crowds vibe changed with them, nonetheless, the crowd enjoyed every song they performed.

6. BENEE

New Zealand’s brightest star, BENEE, truly shined like glitter, charming the crowds hearts and minds, and without a doubt winning the future of contemporary pop music.

She kicked off her performance with ‘Tough Guy’, setting the pace and mood for her set, picking things up with ‘Supalonely’ and ‘Find an Island’. Continuing to humorously charm the crowd as she pulled faces and laughed along to her melodic pop, getting everyone dancing and singing no matter how popular the song.

7. Spacey Jane

I was super excited to see Spacey Jane live for the first time, and they didn’t disappoint one bit. Fast paced, hair flying everywhere, nothing better than a crowd jumping up and down, in-awe is the best way to describe their set. Spacey Jane have played numerous gigs in the past couple of years, and their hard work and determination is finally paying off.

Gaining popularity by the minute, the garage-indie rockers had an electrifying sound to their set, their spirited fuzzy guitar and their strong, bold bass and drum-beat characteristically brought the best out of their uncommon but deeply loved songs. They shredded their way through some of my favourites, ‘Feeding the Family’, ‘Neoprene’, ‘HeadCold’, ‘Thrills’, as well as their #triplejhottest100 hit ‘Good for You’ marking its place, as fans patiently await their debut album coming out sometime towards the end of the year.

#gigs #reviews #festival #laneway #featured

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angrylizardjacket · 5 years

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its been A Week and it's Wednesday so have some Present Day Ash, and on set headcanons

As a general headcanon Ash is completely deaf in her left ear and wears a hearing aid in her right to help with her tinnitus. She’s experienced hearing loss from about her mid-thirties.

She once joked that if Roger was enough of a dickhead, she would be keeping Ben in the divorce.

Without a doubt she considers all the cast to be akin to family.

Once, near the end of filming, called out ‘where’s my boy’ and all four of the Queen cast members reacted before they realised she was calling out for her actual son.

Speaking of her actual children; her eldest daughter, Astrid, slept with the woman who played Dominique in the film before either knew who the other was, but they end up dating and getting married a few years later. Ash isn’t sure if she wants to laugh or cry at the irony.

Astrid isn’t on set a lot since she does have an actual 9-5 job running a garage in town, but when Ash asks her to come in to help prove a theory, she conceded.

Because of what she wears and how she styles her hair, it’s not immediately apparent, but the moment Ash puts her in the Rogerina costume and wig, it becomes clear that Astrid is the spitting image of her father, which would be an insult if he wasn’t so pretty. Honestly she doesn’t wear the outfit for long because it unnerves almost everyone, including Roger.

Ben’s just mad that she’s got the right legs for it.

Ben and Astrid end up as very good friends.

Barney, Ash’s son and her youngest, has worked with both Ben and Gwil before, like not directly but on the same production at times, but they never made the connection between him and Ash and Roger.

Barney is Very Tall, taller than both his parents at about 6’3”, but according to Ash her brother was about his height.

He’s so much like Ash it’s a little unnerving when the others realise. They don’t seem to be aware of how much they mirror each other at times, and he shadows her a lot on set, just because he’s the most involved in the industry and he’s used to sort of being her assistant, from when he was younger, and beyond that he enjoys the production.

Just a general headcanon; when he’s not working on a production, Barney wears a lot of makeup, since his SO is a makeup artist and likes experimenting with ideas on him. He spends more time on set with a full face and cut crease than any of the women in the film and he looks damn good all the while. Ash and Roger are very proud of him.

Cate, Ash and Roger’s middle child, has a five year old daughter, Claud, who gets brought to set once, and she’s perfectly sweet, which Cate thinks is a miracle since she’s usually loud and boisterous, but it turns out she definitely has a crush on Joe because of Jurassic Park.

“She’s not into the kid from the Chris Pratt one?” Joe thinks it’s Adorable. Claud is currently hiding by Roger up by the drumkit.

“Dude, who am I to question what my daughter’s heart wants?” And she seems very adamant before Roger calls her a hypocrite and Cate calls him an old man who doesn’t know what he’s talking about. She’s very pink.

She definitely had a childhood crush on Joe too, but she’s mostly over it. It’s just embarrassing when her dad brings it up.

Again, Cate isn’t on set a lot either, but when she is, she tries to bring Claud, who’s warming up to them all, but still calls Joe ‘Joseph’ and she’s always very professional which is hilarious considering her age.

In contrast, her favourite place on the whole set is at the top of either Gwil or Brian’s shoulders.

Both Astrid and Cate call Ash 'Ma’, but Barney calls her 'Ma Rocket’.

Jumping back to Ash, she's given each of the younger cast members nicknames:

Rami - Golden Boy, or The Dear Prince (she worked with him on NATM and has a soft spot for him)

Joe - Trixie (we'll get into that later)

Gwil - Astro Boy (she's also definitely slipped up and called him Brian, even out of costume a few times)

Ben - Blondie (she also definitely calls him 'my boy’ most often out of all of them)

Karen (Gillian) - Better Me, or The Good Version

Allen - Mystery Man (she thinks he's very sweet but also that he plays an asshole Very Well)

Lucy - Dear Lu, or just Lulu

Aiden - Ay-Oh, but said very gently. sometimes when he's in costume she'll just call him Sweetheart

Joe and Ash get on famously, and almost by complete accident. Joe takes a video on set (that he can't post at the time, but gets released on his Instagram once the film is released) where he calls her Ma Rocket, and she does turn to him, cue Joe's thrilled 'You responded, you're my on set mom now, no takebacks!'

The surprising thing is that she plays along.

She calls him Trixie because, as Freddie says in the movie is 'hes always up to something’ though there's infinitely more positive in terms of connotations than the nickname in the film.

“Rocket, who's your favourite child?” Joe accosts her while she's fixing Ben's jacket and the moment he hears it, Ben's trying not to laugh.

“My actual children.” Ash answers, and Joe whines.

“Okay but I'm your favourite set kid, right?” Joe asks, and Ash and Ben share an amused look as she ties off some thread where shes been replacing a button. “Oh screw you guys."

“Don't whine, Trixie, I love you all equally.”

I wanna fic Ash's friendship with the cast so bad omg

#roger taylor #roger taylor imagine #borhap imagine #ask your destiny to dance fic #roger taylor x oc #the angry lizard speaks #this one's called #the angry lizard writes

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a34trgv2 · 5 years

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Top 10 Steven Universe Episodes (Season 4)

#10. Tiger Philanthropist: This long awaited follow-up to Tiger Millionaire from Season 1 showcases Steven taking on a new wrestling persona to spice things up. If there’s one thing that should be taken away from this episode, it’s that sometimes you gotta move on from the thing what you had so much fun doing. I like how this episode handled that dilemma and Steven’s opponents have some very creative costumes.

#9. Buddy’s Book: Connie and Steven read a journal at a library about the recounts of a man who explored various Gem locations. I love how Jamie is used to portray Buddy as opposed to creating an original character. Much like Historical Friction back in Season 2, Jamie once again shines as the lead and the way that retell the history in this episode is both funny and creative.

#8. Future Boy Zoltron: Steven helps predict people’s future thanks to the help of Garnet’s future vision. He meet a mysterious man who seems to be very depressed and tries his best to cheer him up. Without giving away the ending, this was one of the most heartfelt episodes outside of the Crystal Gem storyline and it’s what puts this episode on the list. I especially like how honest Steven is, and how each future is portrayed. Also, Steven dressed up as Zoltron just make him look adorable.

#7. The Zoo: Part of the Blue Diamond arc, this episode focuses on the human zoo and how it operates. This gives new perspective to the mysterious Pink Diamond and her fascination with humans. These people seem very naive, given that they were born long after their ancestors were taken from Earth. At the same time, they’ve developed their own culture here, while still being kept in check by the Diamonds.

#6. Three Gems and a Baby: It’s always a real treat watching a flashback episode. This time around we see how the Gems reacted to baby Steven for the first time. Of course they’re clueless on what to make of him, but fortunately Greg is their to take care of him. I also like how snow is drawn in this series. It feels so soft and fluffy and is just really satisfying watch it fall.

#5. Storm in the Room: This is the closet Steven ever got to talking to his Mom face to face and boy is it wonderful. Sure Rose is just a manifestation of what Steven wants his Mom to be, but that doesn’t make their conversation any less interesting or important. Also, I just love how the room operates in general. Steven just thinks it and it becomes real. Wish my room was like that.

#4. Last One Out of Beach City: Pearl joins Steven and Amethyst on a night out for some fun and adventure. Along the way Pearl meets this mysterious woman who reminds her of Rose. While we don’t hear the woman speak, the fact that she and Pearl get along so well shows that they have good chemistry together. Plus, this episode includes a special guest appearance by garage rock artist, Mike Krol. He’s actually a pretty decent musician, you should check out his music.

#3. Kindergarten Kid: This episode had me in stitches! In this homage to classic Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote cartoons, Steven and Peridot try to catch a gem monster, to hilarious results. I just love the timing of the humor and it’s so refreshing to see a full on slapstick cartoon in this day and age where they’re so rare.

#2. Gem Harvest: This is pretty much the Thanksgiving episode (even though they don’t say it). In addition to introducing Cousin Andy (played by Dave Willis from Aqua Teen Hunger Force), this episode also brings in new surprises and perspective to the cast. It also helps that this feels very much like fall, with creative uses of warm colors in addition to the normal color palette of the series.

#1. Mindful Education: You all knew this was going to be #1. I mean, it’s such a great episode, on of the best in the entire show actually. It’s got one of the best songs, the most creative animation and features great character development from Connie and Steven. The best aspect of this episode is how it handles the practice of meditation without being preachy.

Conclusion: Season 4 continues to strive to bigger and better things for the series. I personally believe 3 seasons is long enough for a show to go on without overstaying it’s welcome. Yet Steven Universe is one of the few exceptions because it continues to value quality over quantity. I look forward to continuing to watch the show for as long as it still produces great episodes. Honorable mentions go to Are You My Dad?, I Am My Mom, Lion 4: Alternate Ending, The New Crystal Gems, Onion Gang, Steven’s Dream and Rocknaldo. Thanks for reading and I’ll see you next time ;)

#steven universe #Believe in Steven #Rebecca Sugar #mike krol #mindful education #animation #comedy #fantasy #crystal gems #cartoon network #top 10 #season 4 #thanksgiving special #like #share #follow #reblog

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distant-rose · 6 years

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Playing Off Foul (1/2)

Notes: I’ve been working off this idea for awhile. I just needed to get it off my chest. I have so much baseball!Killian crap in my WIP drawer and it needs to see the light of day. A special thank you to @welllpthisishappening and @katie-dub for being my support system and for encouraging me to write this nonsense. My apologies to fans of the Arizona Diamondbacks and Carmelo Anthony. My shade is nothing personal. Summary: Emma Swan doesn’t know anything about baseball, only that her son Henry is obsessed and works as a ballboy for the New York Yankees. She has no interest in it, that is until her son gets whacked with a foul ball and she comes face-to-face with the player that hit it - Killian Jones. Rating: T+ Word Count: 4,600+

When it came down to it, Emma blamed David.

Though it had been Neal who had introduced Henry to baseball, it had been David’s fault that he became a Yankees fan. Since the moment he learned that Henry was interest in the sport dubbed “America’s Favorite Pastime,” Emma’s brother had taken to bringing her son to every baseball game he could afford and spending the rest of his money on more merchandise than their tiny two bedroom apartment could afford.

It was David who had told Henry about the ballboy job opening at Yankee Stadium and like a fool, Emma had allowed her teenager to apply. She didn’t think he would get past the application review but two weeks later, Henry had gotten the call in for an interview which was followed by an official job offer and a celebratory dinner at Fazio’s. She wasn’t been sure how was more excited about it - Henry for having an opportunity to meet his heroes and get paid for it or David who now had an inside man on what was really going on in the Yankees’ locker room. Emma had been less enthused about it.

Though the team that spent half of its games on the road, the stadium seemed to have constant need of Henry and it wasn’t uncommon for him to come stumbling back into the apartment at one or two in the morning on a school night. Furthermore, the players had an habit of giving him more money in tips than Henry knew what to do with on top of earning an whopping $21.50 an hour. Emma nearly blew a gasket when she find out one of the players had given her son a thousand dollars to keep quiet about some girls coming into the locker room for a “private tour.” She didn’t want their boorish behaviour and outrageous spending habits rubbing off on her son. She already had Neal to contend with, she didn’t need to add a bunch of immature rich assholes to the mix. However, there were silver linings to Henry working at the ballpark. Being a ballboy required him to be on top of his grades and it kept him out of trouble for the most part. More often than not, his Saturday nights were spent cleaning bases and polishing cleats rather than going to parties. She also no longer had to worry about Henry asking for money to hang out with his friends since he made more than enough to fend for himself. Another added cherry was that nothing pissed off her Diamondbacks loving ex more than knowing their son was working for “the Evil Empire.” Still, Emma didn’t like it.

She especially didn’t like it when she saw “Yankee Stadium” on her caller ID when she was in the middle of a honey-trap operation to catch a guy who had been charged with credit card fraud.

“Hello? Is this Mrs. Swan?” It was a voice she didn’t recognise but he sounded vaguely nervous.

She bristled slightly at bit at the misnomer. “It’s Miss Swan and yes, this is.”

“Right, sorry, Miss Swan, my name is William Smee and I’m a clubhouse assistant manager over at Yankee Stadium. I’m calling in regard to your son-“ “What happened?” Emma cut him off in a clipped tone.

“There was an accident. A foul ball caught him unaware and he was knocked unconscious. An ambulance was called and he’s on his way to Bronx New Lebanon.”

Fear spiked up her spine as he spoke but she tapped it down, immediately going into crisis mode. She couldn’t afford to get hysterical. Henry needed to keep her cool. Before Mr. Smee even finished his last sentence, she had picked up her purse and was shrugging her coat back on.

“How long ago was this?”

“Twenty minutes ago. We wanted to make sure Henry got immediate attention and was looked after before we did anything else. His health is our top priority and rest assured, Miss Swan, the organisation is willing to pay any medical bills or anything-” “I literally do not care,” Emma cut him off again. “Just give me the address.”

“It’s on Tiffany Street, I believe, ma’am.”

Emma got up, so focused on the situation with Henry that she had forgotten all about her “date.” She turned to leave, he reached out and grabbed her arm. Emma hissed when his grip was a little more forceful than necessary, fingers digging into her skin.

“Where do you think you’re going?” He asked rudely.

“My son is in the hospital. I need to go.”

“You have a son?”

“Yes. He’s fourteen and was just in an accident at Yankee Stadium. Now, let me go.”

“Look, Emma, I don’t know what your malfunction is but I know a lie when I see one. You’re wearing an old ass dress and false stones after all. How about you sit down and actually give me a chance. I’m a really nice guy with some cash to burn.”

“Listen, dude, let me go and I will forget about this.”

“Or what? What are you gonna do me, sweetheart?”

Emma let out a short humourless laugh. This guy didn’t realize how lenient she was planning on being. When she heard Henry was in the hospital, she had decided that she would let this skip go and focus on her son. Now, she wasn’t going to be so generous. On top of being a massive credit scam artist, he was also an asshole and she wasn’t going to let that fly.

She pulled out her cuffs and attached one to his wrist faster than he could blink. He stared at his wrist dumbfounded while she attached the other end to his seat. When he tried to take off, Emma tripped him. She watched in smug satisfaction as the chair landed on top of him. She placed a heeled foot on top of it to keep him in place as she took out her phone once more and called her brother. He picked up after the second ring.

“Is Henry okay?” He asked immediately, not even bothering with pleasantries.

Emma blinked in surprise. “You know about that already?”

“Yeah. It was just on ESPN.”

“Shit.”

“Where is he? I saw him get pulled off. He okay?”

“I’m heading to Bronx New Lebanon now,” Emma replied, applying more pressure on the man beneath her foot. “I need a big favor though. I need you to pick up a Mr. James Graves from Piccola Cucina.”

“On it.”

“Fuck you, bitch!” The skip growled.

“Hey! You had your chance!” She snapped back. “You should have just let me go and see my son!”

The maitre d’hotel came over with a cautious expression, holding his hands up in front of him as if he was approaching a wild and dangerous animal. Emma flashed him a smile in hopes of defusing some of the tension. He gave a tentative one back.

“Is everything okay here, Miss?” He asked nervously.

“Hi. My name is Emma Swan. I work for Nationalwide Bail Bonds Agency. This gentleman, and I use that term loosely, missed his court date and there’s a warrant out for his arrest. There’s an officer on the way. I needed to leave like twenty minutes ago because my kid is in the hospital. So, no. It’s not okay.”

The maitre d’hotel’s eyes went wide and he glanced between her and the man underneath her boot a few times, looking entirely unsure on how to handle the situation. Emma sympathised. This wasn’t the type of joint that was used to rough clientele and this wasn’t normally the sort of spot that Emma would bring her skips but James Graves had insisted on this spot, probably in an attempt to impress her into sleeping with him.

“I’ll going to talk to someone...I will be right back…”

“I’ll be here,” Emma muttered bitterly, taking out her phone and glancing at the time. She didn’t want to leave Henry alone in the hospital.

“You could still let me go...and see your kid...and I will be willing to forget all about this…” James Graves wheezed from under her.

Emma rolled her eyes. “You had your shot, buddy. You blew it. Now, you’re going to hang tight until Officer Nolan comes.”

The maitre d’hotel returned four minutes later, two large stocky men flanking him. Both were wearing black shirts and white aprons that were covered in grime; the customary mark of someone who works in the back of a restaurant. Neither of them looked happy, both eying Emma’s skip with disdain.

“Miss, I know you need to leave so I talked to some of the boys in the back who are willing to babysit your friend until the authorities arrive so you can get to your son.”

It was the nicest thing a stranger had ever done for her. She gave them her first genuine smile of the night.

“Seriously?”

“Absolutely. We’ll keep an eye on him. Go see your boy… and perhaps come back for some eggplant parm when you’re able.”

With her skip issue settled, Emma raced to where she had parked her car. Her eyes nearly bulged when she saw a parking ticket tacked to her windshield but it was nothing she couldn’t sort out with David later. It was just another annoyance and one that she needed to set aside until she saw to Henry.

The drive to the Bronx was as painful. It was as if the some unmerciful god knew how stressed she was and decided to add to it. FDR Drive was backed to hell with bumper-to-bumper traffic. She watched in frustration as the ETA on her Waze app crept up minute by minute, screaming against her steering wheel. If only she had gotten a Hummer instead of a Volkswagen Bug, then she could just crush everything in her path and be with her son already.

It took her nearly an hour and twenty minutes to get to Tiffany Street and then another ten minutes to find parking before resigning to put her car in an overpriced garage that only took cash. The men at the lot were unsympathetic to her plight. They rolled their eyes at her explanations, telling her to that the local convenience across the street had an ATM and to come back when she could actually pay them.

Needless to say by the time she finally got into the hospital, Emma was in a foul mood and was ready to go to war with anyone who got in her path. Her anger must have been plastered all over her face because anyone who saw her gave her a wide berth and the nursing staff seemed to shrink under her gaze when she demanded to know where her son was. She didn’t care what anyone thought of her. She just wanted to know her kid was okay.

She was led down the hall by a harassed looking nurse who was trying very hard to make small talk with her but Emma was having none of it. The nurse stopped towards the end of the hall and gestured to the last room, mumbling something about seeing to other people. She paid the woman no mind though.

She was surprised to hear laughter coming from her son’s hospital room. It wasn’t the laughter of a teenager but rather a grown man, one she didn’t recognise. Frowning to herself, she entered the room to find her son sitting up in bed and playing cards with a stranger.

Henry’s face brightened when he saw her.

“Mom! You made it! Did you get your guy?”

Emma didn’t acknowledge the question. Her attention was focused on the man sitting at her son’s bedside. He appeared to be the same age as her and dressed in the most expensive pair of sweats that she had ever seen. The New York Yankees logo was emblazoned across his chest and his sleeves were rolled to his elbows, exposing muscled forearms. He had messy dark hair and well-manicured stubble that seemed to enhance the line of his jaw. He was giving her a tentative smile and brushing his hands against his knees nervously. In the back of her head, Emma acknowledged he was incredibly attractive but she was more concerned with who the hell he was and why he was in her son’s hospital room.

“Who the hell are you?”

“Mom!” Henry sounded scandalized.

“Ermmm…” The man ran one of his hands through his hair. Emma noted the massive scarring that seemed to encompass webbing between his thumb and index finger and seemed to radiate in angry lines across his knuckles. He stood up and held out his other hand for her shake. “Killian Jones.”

She didn’t take it. Instead she crossed her arms in front of her chest and raised her eyebrows at him. “Is that supposed to mean something to me?”

Henry let out a loud groan and looked like he was about have a fit.

“Mom! Are you kidding? He’s the best second baseman in the league! He has the highest on-base percentage and leads the AL in stolen bases! He’s, like, one of the top twenty best hitters! How do you not know who he is!”

Emma glanced back at the proclaimed baseball superstar and squinted a bit. Now that Henry had mentioned it, he did look a little familiar. She was pretty certain that he had seen his profile on her son’s bedroom wall. Though, he looked more intense on the poster than he did in real life. If anything, he now looked awkward and embarrassed. Killian’s face flushed under the praise and he took back the hand he had held out in order to scratch behind his ear.

“I’m pretty sure Jose Altuve would disagree with you on the best second baseman thing.”

“Okay, maybe not the best second baseman but you’re up there. You have an insane record in double plays and you play for the best team in baseball,” Henry conceded, picking up the deck of cards that had been scattered across his rollaway table.

“I appreciate the show of team spirit, Henry.”

“Okay, I get it,”she said, cutting into the bizarre display of male bonding that was happening in front of her. “What is he doing here?”

Both Henry and Killian looked uncomfortable at the question, the two of them exchanging glances. Emma felt her stomach tying itself in knots. She had a feeling she was not going to like what they had to say.

“I just wanted to make sure your boy was okay…” Killian replied slowly, as if he was trying to choose his words carefully. “...and you know, make sure that there was no hard feelings or anything…”

“Excuse me?” Emma narrowed her eyes at him.

“It wasn’t your fault, Killian. It was a foul ball. I should have been paying attention more.”

“Perhaps but still, I would never forgive myself if anything bad had happened to you.”

“You’re the one who hit my kid?!” She hissed, looking at him with murder in her eyes. She was five seconds away from decking him in the face.

Killian seemed to sense her aggression because he put his hands out in front of him in surrender. “Not intentionally! I promise!”

“Right,” she replied in a clipped tone before turning to her son. “Do you mind if I borrow Mr. Baseball here for a moment so we can have a...chat?”

Emma wasn’t certain who looked more nervous, her son or the professional baseball player who was shifting in place like a guilty toddler.

“As long as you promise not to kill him… if he dies, we, for sure, won’t make the playoffs this year.”

“Glad to know that’s all my life is worth to you, Henry.”

“Just being honest.”

She gestured for Killian to follow her out into the hallway. He followed her but she could see the clear reluctance that embodied his stride. He reminded her of the children who sat in front of the principal’s office, waiting to be screamed at. She closed the door behind them, so Henry wouldn't listen in on their conversation. She leaned against it, crossing her arms in front of her chest and glaring at him.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

He looked startled by the question. “I already told you. I’m here for your boy, Mrs. Swan.”

“You say that but I know how you assholes work. Everything with you is image. Henry keeps a tight lip on what happens in that locker room but I know that you and some of your buddies pay him to keep quiet about the nasty shit that goes on in that.”

“Pardon?” His lips formed a thin line. His nerves were giving way to irritation but Emma didn’t care.

“You heard? I’m not an idiot. You‘ really not here out of any concern for my son. You’re here to cover your ass and keep up your good guy image. I will not have you use my son as a publicity stunt.”

“Publicity stunt?” He repeated. He looked positively offended by her words. “Listen, Mrs. Swan-”

“It’s Emma. Not Miss Swan, especially not Mrs. Swan,” she cut him off. “I’m not married. Everyone at that fucking stadium always assumes I am. It’s annoying.”

“Alright, alright, fine, Emma,” he conceded, looking more frustrated. “I’m not here for a publicity stunt. Do you see cameras? Reporters? Any media specialists?”

“No,” she admitted.

“That’s because no one knows I’m here. Especially not any reporter. If anything, I’m in big trouble because I skipped media. I didn’t tell anyone I was coming here except one of the base coaches and only because he asked where I was going.”

“Aren’t you going to get in trouble for that?”

“Most definitely,” he replied with a nonchalant shrug.

“Then why are you here?” she whispered again.

“I don’t know how many times I have to say it to you but I genuinely like your son, Mis-Emma. He’s a nice kid. He’s always got a smile on his face and never complains or asks for anything except what else he can do...some of the ballboys after a while try to cut corners or try to go out partying with the team but not Henry… he’s been with us just for this season and it feels like he’s always been there…If he had been seriously hurt…” Killian paused, rubbing his hand over his jaw and looking distressed by the very idea. “...I was serious when I said I would never forgive myself.”

Emma studied him for a moment, sighing and pinching the bridge of her nose. She felt slightly guilty about accusing him of using Henry in such a way when he seemed so earnest in his attachment to her son.

“I didn’t want him to take the job,” she admitted. “He’s got enough going on… And now this...”

“I know.”

She looked up at him, slightly startled. “What?”

“Henry told me you were apprehensive about letting him work in the clubhouse… he thinks you only allowed it to piss off your ex.”

“Henry told you that?”

“I don’t think you understand how closely your son works with the team, love. Like I said, he’s a good kid so I tend to gravitate towards him instead of the others...we talk a lot about things...from freshman baseball tryouts to his writing...”

“You know about Henry’s writing? Henry doesn’t talk to anyone about his writing, not David, not his father.”

“Well, I think he’s more open with me about it because I’m admittedly a Babylon Five and Stargate Atlantis junkie so he’s more comfortable sharing things with a fellow nerd… from what I understand your ex was quite disparaging of his Doctor Who obsession...not that he has much taste, considering he’s a Diamondbacks fan.”

“You’re a sci fi nerd AND a professional baseball player?”

“They aren’t mutually exclusive,” he teased. “What? What did you think we only watched ESPN or Fox Sports or something?”

“Honestly, yes.”

He chuckled, shaking his head and smiling at her. Her breath caught a little and her stomach did annoyingly flips that it hadn’t done since high school. She was stunned how she went from wanting to murder him for hurting her kid to literally squirming at the sight of his face. She needed to get a hold of herself.

“We should probably go back in,” she replied. “You know, so he doesn’t think I murdered you and the team’s playoff chances…”

“Probably a good idea.”

Henry looked anxious as they opened the door, craning his neck to see past Emma. His shoulders visibly relaxed when he saw Killian, alive and well, behind her. She couldn’t help her snort of amusement.

“Did you honestly think I was going to kill him?”

“With you anything is possible, Mom. You did almost run over Carmelo Anthony that one time..”

Killian’s eyebrows rose as he regarded her with a look that was equals concerned and amused. “You almost ran over Carmelo Anthony?”

“That’s not my fault! He was on his phone and walked in front of my car!” Emma defended. “He’s lucky that I have amazing reflexes and was able to stop in time or else he would have been out for all of 2016.”

“I think at that point Knicks fans would have thanked you. I’m pretty they were trying to get rid of him by then. He was a cancer to the team,” Killian responded with a smirk.

“You follow basketball too?”

“I follow most major sports, love. Except maybe golf. But that’s because I firmly believe if you can drink and smoke while playing it, then it isn’t a sport,” Killian remarked.

“Babe Ruth used to eat, drink and smoke between innings,” Henry teased.

“That’s because Babe Ruth was a baseball god and could do whatever he wanted.”

“If you say so.”

Killian gave Henry a light shove in response. He sat down in his original seat and picked up the neatly stack cards that Henry had been fiddling with.

“Do you want to play another hand?”

“Only if Mom deals in,” Henry smiled.

“I can play,” Emma responded, taking another chair and sitting next Killian. She miscalculated the distance between them, causing her knee bump against his. Emma was vaguely surprised when neither of them pulled away from the accidental contact. “As long as I get the official story of what happened.”

Henry’s face turned red and ducked his head down, focusing on the cards Killian was dealing.

“Okay….so with foul balls, we’re supposed to give them away to fans. And when we say fans, they mean to give them away to the little kids. You know? The four to ten-year olds. Anyway, there was this family and they had two kids and the older kid really really really wanted a ball....so I gave him one and the other kid who was maybe three, I think? I’m guessing he was three, anyway, he threw a big tantrum and I just wanted him to be happy and have a good time so I decided to give him the next ball that came our way...So that’s what I did. And this kid, I don’t think he understood that you’re supposed to keep it because he threw it back on the field...The long and short of it is that I was supposed to be paying attention to the batter. You’re not supposed to do anything but watch when someone is in the box because of safety reasons but the kid threw the ball and I went to pick it up...and the next thing I knew I was on the ground... So really, it’s not Killian’s fault, Mom. It’s mine. And I’m probably going to lose my job over it.”

“You’re not going to lose your job over that, Henry,” Killian said, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Things like this happen. You’re not the first and you probably won’t be the last ballboy to get hit.”

“You sure?”

“Absolutely,” he responded, picking up his cards.

Emma was more focused on her son than on the card game, looking at him in concern.

“What did the doctor say?”

“That I have a mild concussion. They did tests and say I should be okay, but they want to keep me overnight for observation,” Henry shrugged.

“They did tests!?”

Tests and an overnight in the hospital? She could only imagine what the hospital bill was going to look like. She highly doubted her crap ass insurance plan would do much to cover the costs. She was going to be paying this off all year. She could feel it.

Killian seemed to sense her distress and played a hand on her arm. She jumped slightly at the contact.

“I’m pretty sure the organization is going to foot the bill, love. And if they don’t, I will. You don’t need to worry.”

“We’re not a charity case,” she snapped.

“I didn’t say you were. It’s just the right there to do.”

They didn’t talk much after that, instead focusing on the card game that they had started. Henry was pretty much sweeping them both but Emma had a sneaking suspicion that Killian was losing on purpose, trying to make Henry smile and laugh. It was strange to see someone interact with her son like this outside David and Neal. It did funny things to her insides.

Killian stayed with them past visiting hours, using his charm and clout as a professional baseball player to keep the nurses from kicking them out. It wasn’t until his agent, an imposing woman in a well-tailored pantsuit, came and pulled on the back of his sweatshirt, did Killian leave. Emma didn’t know who was more upset, she or Henry, that he was going.

“You’ll see me sooner than you think,” he told Henry, ruffling his hair a bit and causing the teenager to scowl at him. “You’ll be working at the clubhouse again before you know it and we still have to work on your swing. If you’re not a starting baseman by next year, I will eat my shoe.”

“I’ll hold you to that,” Henry replied smartly.

Killian’s eyes cut to Emma, smile softening. “Will I be seeing you around?”

“I don’t know, do you plan on whacking my son in the head again?”

“Hopefully not,” he chuckled, ducking his head a bit.

“Then maybe…”

“Just maybe?”

“It’s better than no.”

“Too true,” he chuckled. “Well, I look forward to maybe seeing you around.”

Henry hit her in the shoulder as soon as Killian was out the door, smirking at her. “You were flirting with Killian Jones!”

“What? I was not!”

“You were too! And he was flirting back! I saw you!” he crowed. “Wait until Uncle David hears this!”

“You’re not telling Uncle David anything because nothing happened!”

“Suuuuureeeeee Mom.”

“Shut up,” she said, giving him a light shove back. “And you should be resting.”

“And you should have gotten his number.”

“Henry. Sleep.”

It turned out that Emma didn’t have to ask. Next afternoon there was a large package outside their apartment, containing a large display of flowers, a personalized New York Yankees jersey with ‘Swan’ on the back, a pack of baseball cards and an index phone with a handwritten message: Just in case, you want to make that maybe a certainty, give me call: 212-921-2012 - KJ

#captain swan #cs ff #cs fic #cs fanfiction #cs fanfic #playing off foul #my fic #my shit #I love baseball #laura and I are gonna form the 'killian jones in pinstripes coalition'#yankee!Killian #baseball!Killian

188 notes · View notes

livingcorner · 3 years

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Creating a Secret Garden@|how to make a secret garden@|https://cdn.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/fljXXNirMr_4qd9kE92bpj7px_8=/0x82:1400×815/fit-in/1200×630/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/19507132/secret_garden_xl.jpg@|21

Garden Paradise Made

Photo by Dale Horchner

On a corner lot in the city, with an alley running along the back, it can be quite a challenge to create private outdoor space. Holly Fliniau knows, because that’s exactly the situation she faced when she moved into this Denver home, in 1993.

She didn’t really have a plan when she started landscaping the property, but what evolved could be a textbook example of good garden design. She created a series of “rooms” that flow into one another and yet each have a distinct sense of place. Vine-covered fences and arbors shield various seating areas from the streets and the alley but don’t come across as unfriendly walls. And generous plantings on both sides of the sidewalks give neighbors plenty to enjoy as they walk by on their way to the neighborhood park.

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Shown: Salvaged and new porch posts painted with the same colors support an arch and trellises along the garden’s street side.

Help from a Mother’s Green Thumb

Photo by Dale Horchner

At first, Holly’s main goal was just to create a little privacy and an outdoor dining area. She installed brick paving along one side of the house and at the back, and built a roof over one end so that she could put a table and chairs underneath. Her next project was the picket fence alongside one sidewalk. Then she decided to have her upcoming wedding in her garden. But the leftover lawn and vegetable gardens of the previous owners didn’t quite suffice for a lovely outdoor ceremony. So Holly’s mother, Sandy, came to help put in a large perennial garden with a brick path at the rear of the side yard closest to the street.

Shown: Holly and her mother and gardening partner, Sandy Fliniau, relax on the daybed along with Holly’s Bernese mountain dog, Sophie.

One Perennial Garden Turns into Another

Photo by Dale Horchner

“One project turned into another, and I caught the gardening bug,” says Holly, who delights in the way her outdoor pastime is the polar opposite of her day job as a chemical engineer dealing with hazardous-waste cleanup. “It allows me to exercise the artistic part of my brain.” Before that first perennial garden was done, she was already dreaming about putting in another.

Shown: At the north end of the house, a grassy path meanders between perennial beds.

Secluded Beer Garden

Photo by Dale Horchner

After the wedding, she did just that, toward the front of the house. But there was more. Because her husband (now ex) was interested in home brewing, she created a little beer garden off the back alley, next to the driveway, with a bar and table seating and a vigorous hops vine that softens the walls and surrounding arbors. In the side yard, next to a fence she shares with her neighbor, she squeezed in a secret spot to take an outdoor shower. Directly opposite the breezeway, she added a pergola with a corrugated plastic roof and installed a daybed in the sheltered space underneath. “My dad teases me that I just need an outhouse, and I could live out here,” Holly says, referring to all the amenities she’s put in place.

Shown: A beer garden with a lush hops vine is tucked between the narrow alley and the garage. Holly set the door at an angle to allow easy turning into the driveway. The vine’s flowers exude a heady scent in midsummer. Porthole openings in the arched door were made with timbers salvaged from an old garage.

Dry Gardening Fit for Denver

Photo by Dale Horchner

While Holly was making headway installing her outdoor living areas, she was also tackling the planting strips between the sidewalks and the streets. These expanses, which are 10 to 15 feet wide, were just lawn, which she had to constantly irrigate, weed, and mow. “I was paying more each year to my lawn service even as I was reducing the lawn’s square footage,” she says. She discovered a solution when she visited a demonstration xeriscape, or dry garden, now promoted as the most suitable kind of landscaping for arid climates like Denver’s. The garden’s drought-tolerant plantings impressed Holly with their lush look. She decided to copy the idea at her house by putting in one approximately 10-by-15-foot xeriscape garden each year until her streetside gardens were transformed. Frustrated by having to dig up the old lawn, she started just covering it with cardboard and piling on alternating layers of leaves and soil. Adding a blanket of fine pea gravel around the plants keeps weeds down and moisture in.

Shown: In the planting strips between sidewalk and street, Holly has been gradually converting from conventional lawn to water-thrifty perennials. This new bed is also planted with colorful annual petunias and zinnias to fill in until the perennials—including yarrow, catmint, manzanita panchito, and golden storksbill—become well established. Behind the picket fence, new and old ironwork and salvaged ornaments add an artistic personality to the gardens beside the house.

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Lawn to Street Plant Fillers

Photo by Dale Horchner

There is still a bit of lawn visible from the street, but it isn’t the old thirsty kind. To separate the xeriscape beds, Holly planted strips of Bella bluegrass, a dark blue-green grass adapted to Denver’s climate that grows only 4 inches tall, so it almost never needs mowing. “Finally, after getting rid of most of my lawn and replanting what remained with the Bella bluegrass, I could let my lawn service go!” she says happily.

Shown: Orange and scarlet zinnias and purplish sage help fill one of the beds at the far end of the property, which is separated from the street and sidewalk by an arbor covered with clematis and roses. The thickly planted beds don’t require much weeding, as they leave little room for interlopers. Holly loves to sit on the bench at the back to enjoy the view and listen in as passersby comment on her garden.

Playing with Garden Displays

Photo by Dale Horchner

The rest of Holly’s yard isn’t a xeriscape, but she takes pride in how much less water it needs than people assume it does, given how verdant it looks. She switches on her sprinkler system a few times each week for about 20 minutes per irrigation zone. “My mom and I have learned that ‘shoehorning in’ plants close together reduces the need for water and weeding,” she says. Conventional advice cautions gardeners against placing plants too close, on the theory that it will lead to disease. But in Denver’s dry climate, Holly hasn’t had a problem. Close spacing also creates spectacular displays, especially when plants are arranged in drifts. “A friend of mine once said that I subscribe to the ‘big bang theory’ of gardening,” Holly says. “My mom describes it as a village of plants all holding hands in support of one another. I think both are good descriptions.”

Shown: A wood pergola shelters a daybed at one end of the brick patio that homeowner Holly Fliniau built off the breezeway to the garage. The bed backs up to a board fence that she shares with her neighbor. Colorful potted plants mark the outdoor room’s entrance and soften the structure’s beefy support posts.

No Fighting Nature

Photo by Dale Horchner

Among the other lessons Holly has learned is not to fight nature. “We are both happier for it,” she says. “If a tree wants to lean a certain way or a plant moves to a new location or won’t leave a location that I don’t want it in, or even if it dies, then that’s fine with me.” She no longer buys grafted roses, having discovered that roses growing on their own root stock recover better after harsh winters. She does, however, try to group some colors together. “That tendency probably comes from me sorting my marble collection by colors as a kid.”

Shown: Holly amassed old clay pots before she realized how fast plants dry out in small containers. So now she displays them mostly as decoration on an old potting bench she cobbled together from odds and ends she found in her garage.

Repurposed Elements

Photo by Dale Horchner

Holly has also learned to repurpose, as garden art, items that might otherwise go into the trash. She used recycled bricks for the back patio and the garden paths and put an old sewing-machine base to work as a plant stand. She salvaged iron rings from decaying whiskey barrels and gave them to her father, who turned them into a rain-chain sculpture that hangs from the back of her house. She also came to love and collect repurposed-iron art from a neighborhood gallery.

Shown: Lattice-topped brick walls offer a glimpse into Holly’s hidden world.

Patina All Around

Photo by Dale Horchner

For a gardener who started out on a mission to create private space, one of the biggest surprises was the way gardening opened up a whole new set of friendships. Holly had an artist friend ask if she could set up an easel and paint in the garden. “More came on her heels, and now an entire group of artists paints in my garden every year,” she says. “As a result, I am now an art collector. And through being on garden tours and taking gardening classes, I have made new friends of fellow gardening enthusiasts.”

Shown: A window box planted with orange and purple calibrachoas got a style boost with a metal ornament repurposed from a broken coatrack. Its rusty patina echoes the foliage of a nearby Japanese maple. An old pail is also put to use as a container for a variegated hosta.

DIY Leaf Birdbath

Photo by Dale Horchner

The garden also gives Holly’s mother a way to pass on her vast, mostly self-taught knowledge of gardening to others. Holly says, “Countless times during her visits, I hear her out in the garden answering questions from people passing by the garden on their way to the neighboring park. Some even seek her out now that they recognize her car.”

Shown: A frequent visitor, Sandy made the concrete birdbath using a giant rhubarb leaf as a mold, then painted it; the trunk of a fallen aspen tree serves as its stand.

Colorful Character

Photo by Dale Horchner

Holly says that she herself is shy, so she tends not to join the conversation. But she does love to sit on a wood bench at the very back of the yard, alongside the brick path. The sidewalk is just a few feet away, on the other side of a clematis-and-rose-covered arbor, so she can listen in as people walk by. “They can’t see me sitting there, but I can hear them talk about the garden,” she says. “They’ll say, ‘Oh, look at this,’ and ‘Can you believe that?'” Holly finds it deeply satisfying to hear how they appreciate what she’s accomplished even when they don’t need to be polite. “I’ve also discovered that there is no stopping avid gardeners,” she adds. “They won’t be deterred from coming on in—and that’s all right with me.”

Shown: Most of the dry garden beds feature broken pots buried in the soil that suggest an urn with water spilling out. Instead, drifts of brilliant perennial flowers flow from them. Here, ‘Pink Friesland’ salvia, hot-pink dianthus, and ‘Avalanche’ white sun daisy.

‘Peace’ Rose with a History

Photo by Dale Horchner

This beauty is a ‘Peace’ rose, one of the most popular roses of all time. French horticulturist Francis Meilland bred it in the late 1930s and sent cuttings to friends in several countries because he feared the German army might invade and destroy it. The rose supposedly arrived in the United States on the last plane available before the German invasion.

‘Polka’ Climbing Rose

Photo by Dale Horchner

For a climbing rose, Holly chose ‘Polka,’ a fragrant variety with peony-like blossoms about 6 inches across. It blooms in waves throughout the summer.

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Color-Enhancing Plant Combos

Photo by Dale Horchner

Holly works to create plant combinations that make individual colors stand out, such as the chartreuse leaves of ‘Frances Williams’ hosta with ‘Purple Sensation’ allium.

Hardy ‘Morden Sunrise’ Rose

Photo by Dale Horchner

Bred at the Morden Research Station, in Manitoba, Canada, this blush-colored ‘Morden Sunrise’ rose is very cold hardy, surviving down to minus 40 degrees F. The shrubs grow 2 to 3 feet high and spread about 3 feet across.

‘Robinson’s Red’ and Lavender Flowers

Photo by Dale Horchner

‘Robinson’s Red’ painted daisies grow alongside chive plants that Holly grows primarily for their lavender flowers.

Cohabitating Purples

Photo by Dale Horchner

The light-purple flowers of edible chives share a perennial bed with darker-purple cranesbill, also known as hardy geranium. The common name “cranesbill” comes from the shape of the seed capsules.

Show-Stealing Colors

Photo by Dale Horchner

Although backed by airy blue ‘Walker’s Low’ catnip (Nepeta racemes) and spikes of ‘Pink Friesland’ salvia (S. nemorosa), it’s the neon-red pinks (Dianthus) that really steal the show in this bed.

Street-Shielding ‘Alexandra’ Roses

Photo by Dale Horchner

A delicate looking but actually very hardy heirloom variety, the ‘Alexandra’ rose blooms on a trellis separating Holly’s side yard from the street.

Ferns and Hostas Backdrop

Photo by Dale Horchner

Holly uses ferns and hostas as a backdrop for colorful flowers including light-purple chives, pink ‘Robinson’s Red’ painted daisies (Tanacetum coccineum), white ‘Gourmet Popcorn’ roses, and blue perennial bachelor’s buttons (Centaurea montana).

Accidental ‘Dr. Huey’ Blossoms

Photo by Dale Horchner

This deep crimson, almost maroon climbing rose is actually an accident. Holly planted a tea rose that was grafted onto the super-hardy roots of the ‘Dr. Huey’ rambling rose. An unusually cold winter killed the graft but not the roots, so the plant sent up new shoots and now she has ‘Dr. Huey’ blossoms instead.

Blue and Pink with Grass All Around

Photo by Dale Horchner

Delicate blue wands of ‘Walker’s Low’ catnip (Nepeta racemes) contrast with bolder spikes of ‘Pink Friesland’ salvia (S. nemorosa). The ornamental grass in the front is Mexican feather grass, also known as ponytail grass (Stipa tenuissima).

Arbor-Hugging ‘Margaret Hunt’ Clematis

Photo by Dale Horchner

‘Margaret Hunt’ clematis is one of several varieties growing on an arbor that screens Holly’s backyard from the sidewalk along one side yard of her house. This clematis blooms on the current season’s growth, so pruning is simpler than with some other clematis varieties. Holly just cuts the vines back in early spring to a foot or two from the ground.

Contrasting Textures and Colors

Photo by Dale Horchner

The dusty pink flowers and chartreuse leaves of ‘Limemound’ spirea (S. japonica) contrast in both texture and color with the feathery fronds of ostrich fern (Matteuccia struthiopteris). Next to the house is a rusty-red ‘Shirazz’ Japanese maple in a container.

The Garden Plan

Illustration by Rodica Prato

At Holly Fliniau’s home, curving paths and porch-post arbors shield the house and outdoor seating areas, as do lattice walls, a breezeway, and tall perennials and shrubs. The streetside xeriscape gardens share space with several trees—ornamental plums and a pear, an oak, and maples—that also provide privacy; these are indicated here with red circles but not drawn, to make the gardens more visible. [external_footer]

source https://livingcorner.com.au/creating-a-secret-gardenhow-to-make-a-secret-gardenhttps-cdn-vox-cdn-com-thumbor-fljxxnirmr_4qd9ke92bpj7px_8-0x821400x815-fit-in-1200x630-cdn-vox-cdn-com-uploads-chorus_asset-file-1950713/

#livingcornernews

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theghostofashton · 6 years

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i’m giving you all my love

hi so i said i'd post a valentine's day oneshot...and it's now technically the 15th oops i had an exam today and that kinda drained me so it took a while to get into a groove and really write this.

i intended on it being really cute but there's a lot of sad??? god i didn't expect that i thought i was getting better at writing fluff and then this happens

so trigger warning for depression and anxiety i guess. also i listened to 'i won't give up' on repeat writing so y'all should def listen to that while you read. it's where the title's from anyway so lmao

enjoy!

It’s been a long few days.

It’s been blurred edges and unclear endings, stiff-limbed and limp, grease and tangled sheets, all mashing together to form the ache in his head and the lump in his throat. It’s been jagged and sharp but soft and pliable and easily walked over. It’s been stringy hair and sweat soaked fabric and white walls and bleary eyes. It’s been heavy and exhausting and all too familiar.

It’s been depression and it’s been his life for the past week.

It’s not foreign and it’s definitely not the first time but it’s not something he’ll ever get used to. It’s hard to accustom to the feeling of waking up with ledges and pills and what if I just went to sleep and never woke up again wouldn’t that be easy wouldn’t it make everyone’s lives better wouldn’t it make the world a better place.

Wouldn’t it?

Geoff bought him that journal for Christmas and told him to write his feelings but he couldn’t even manage to sort through what he was feeling, figure out where the sadness ended and the numbness began. It all mixed together, draping over him like a weighted blanket that caused him anxiety rather than helping with it.

He was hollow, he was numb, he was nothing. Like someone reached inside his body and scooped everything out, all traces of happiness and light and laughter and sustenance, gone. The flowers shriveled up and weeds began to grow and every shaft of light was sealed off and his skeleton felt like just that. A skeleton. Nothing more. A series of bones arranged in a particular order that he knew had a purpose but didn’t want to give one.

And now he’s here and the worst of it is over – he got out of bed and put something into his stomach and showered, for the first time in close to seven days jesus fucking christ you’re disgusting – Geoff’s at work and he’s alone. Maybe he’ll actually get some work done today, record some more or rework some lyrics he wrote a couple weeks ago. His journal is sitting, untouched, on their nightstand, pen resting on top so every time he looked up in the past week all he saw was a reminder that he couldn’t even be sad right. He couldn’t even put it into words he’s not a real artist he’s nothing nothingnothingnothing.

He jumps when his phone buzzes in his pocket. His heart is racing as he pulls it out of his jeans, startled by the sudden noise. “Hey dude, what’s up?”

“What are you and Geoff doin’ tomorrow night?” Jawn asks. He’s never been one for pleasantries. Awsten chuckles and leans back against the counter, shifting the phone against his ear.

“I dunno,” he says. “Why? You wanna do something?”

“Are you fuckin’ with me?”

“What?”

“Funny one, Aws. I know you got plans tomorrow, don’t even try ta hide it.”

Awsten grips his phone tighter, pulling his lip in with his teeth. What is he forgetting? Is it Geoff’s birthday? His own? There’s something significant about tomorrow…

“M’not joking Jawn.” The words feel weird on his tongue, too big for his mouth. He swallows around them and tries to keep his breathing steady. “What’s tomorrow?”

“It’s Valentine’s Day dude. Did you seriously forget?”

He stops.

The world swirls around him, like someone just put him in a blender and he’s watching everything move around from inside. He presses a hand to his temple and closes his eyes but the dizziness doesn’t cease. “I. Um. I gotta. Go.” He hangs up the phone with shaking hands, barely able to press the button to end the call and cut off Jawn’s higher, now worried sounding voice.

Valentine’s Day he forgot Valentine’s Day how did this happen how did he do this what the fuck is he going to do how did he forget what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck you really did it this time you fucked up you fucked up you fucked up big time you fucked up.

He knows Geoff’s been planning something Geoff is always planning something Geoff always has a surprise up his sleeve that’s not Valentine’s Day that’s dating Geoff Wigington he’s always ready to top his previous gift and he definitely will this time because Awsten doesn’t even have a gift.

He takes a step forward and stumbles, leaning back against the counter and gripping the edge to stay steady. He hears the loud barks before he feels a body against his legs, pressing against his calves. “H-Hey Coops,” he forces out, reaching down with a still trembling hand to tangle his fingers in the dog’s fur.

Cooper barks again, standing up on his hind legs and pressing a paw into his thigh. He swallows and bends down, further and further, until his butt hits the floor. He pulls his knees up to his chest and Cooper whines loudly, pawing at his kneecaps. When he puts his legs down Cooper practically jumps onto his lap, pawing desperately at his face and raking his tongue across Awsten’s skin.

Awsten rubs at his eyes. He didn’t even realize he was crying. He swallows against the lump in his throat and holds out a hand for Cooper to lick. “I’m fine boy. Thank you. I love you. I’m okay, I promise.”

Cooper stays at his side when he gets up, follows him into the bedroom and jumps onto his bed and even tries to join him in the bathroom a few minutes later.

As calming as Cooper is, it doesn’t take away from the fact that Valentine’s Day is tomorrow and he still doesn’t have a gift and has no idea what he could do for a gift and Geoff’s probably had something planned for weeks this is just another nail in the coffin he’s the worst fiancé in the world and now everyone’s gonna know about it their friends will ask what they got each other for Valentine’s Day and Geoff will lie and be sweet like he always is and he’ll feel his heart pulsate and his skin shrivel up and melt off his body because all he is is a skeleton.

A useless sack of bones that has nothing to give to his fiancé on Valentine’s Day.

…

“Jawn shut up and talk to me. Is he okay?”

“He hung up real quick.” Jawn’s voice crackles through his phone. Geoff shifts the phone between his shoulder and ear and stretches to pull his keys out of his pocket. He unlocks the front door and grabs his phone again, touching a button to put Jawn on speaker. “He…I really don’t think he realized what tomorrow is.”

“He hasn’t gotten outta bed in a week,” Geoff tells him. “I didn’t expect him to remember or even want to do anything, honestly.”

“But you planned something, didn’t you?”

“Of course I did,” he mutters. “He deserves it. He deserves so much more than it.”

“And I don’t suppose you’ll tell me what ‘it’ is…”

“If Awsten wants to tell you, he can,” Geoff says. “It’s his surprise.”

“Please don’t tell me you got him a fuckin’ sex swing or shit.”

“I’m hanging up now.” Geoff touches another button on his screen and slips his phone into his pocket. Awsten’s car was in the driveway when he pulled in – he didn’t expect him to go anywhere. Getting out of bed is accomplishment enough – but he usually would’ve heard the garage open and come out to see him by now. “Aws? Love, where are you?”

A series of loud barks is his response. Cooper rushes into the room and weaves around his legs. He gets up on his hind legs and paws at Geoff’s thighs. Geoff crouches down so he can see him better and rests a hand on his head. “What’s goin’ on Coops? Where’s Awsten?”

Cooper leads him into the bedroom. Geoff stops in the doorway, bringing a hand to his heart. He presses it into his chest. His teeth sink into his lip.

Awsten is lying on his side, knees pulled up to his chest. His eyes are closed and his cheeks are shining with tear tracks. His face looks swollen, like he’s been crying for a long time. His hair is messy. He’s dressed, wearing jeans and one of his favorite sweaters.

He was so close.

Geoff moves to the side of the bed. He slips out of his denim jacket and tosses it into the floor. Awsten’s facing away from him and now, most definitely asleep. The movement would’ve roused him if he weren’t.

He slides onto the bed and pulls Awsten into his arms. Awsten squirms and snuffles a bit, letting out a whimper. He begins to stir and Geoff winces, pressing his lips against the back of his neck, right where his hair stops. “S’okay baby. Go back to sleep. M’here now. Everything’s gonna be okay.”

The conversation that followed would’ve been so unbelievably uncomfortable had it happened. But Awsten falls back into sleep quickly, sniffling and choking out another raspy whimper before going still in Geoff’s arms. Geoff sighs, tousling his fingers through the soft lavender strands of hair. Awsten’s roots are growing in, brown mixing with purple to create a blend that Geoff loves but he knows Awsten isn’t happy with.

Depression drains him, draws the shade on saturation like the color has simply been vacuumed out. He lives in achromics, a sea of misery that confines him to their bed, leaves him limp and lifeless, repaints the purple under his eyes darker than his hair because he’s tired but not sleeping, in bed but not resting, surviving life but not living.

“I love you so much,” Geoff murmurs against Awsten’s skin. “You make me happier than I ever thought I could be and I hate that I can’t do that for you. But I hope tomorrow makes you smile because I love your smile and I love your laugh and I love when your eyes get all crinkly because you can’t stop smiling. You’ve given me everything and I hope tomorrow shows you that. I love you, angel. More than I’ll ever be able to say.”

…

He’s gonna be sick.

His stomach’s been churning all day, flipping over and over uncomfortably. The closer they get to dinnertime the more nauseous he feels because Geoff definitely has something planned and the shitty thing he did won’t ever match up and he doesn’t want to win the worst fiancé in history award but he’s definitely on the nominees list.

“Love, hey, we’re gonna go for a drive.” Geoff rests a hand on his back and presses his jacket against his body. “I wanna show you something.”

This is it it’s happening he’s the worst fiancé he won it’s happening he’s gonna look like an idiot Geoff is a dream and he’s a nightmare he’s everyone’s worst nightmare why does Geoff want to marry this mess does he even realize what he’s getting himself into.

It doesn’t stop for the entirety of the drive. Geoff takes his hand over the center console and he squirms, sweating and shaking and trying to discreetly pull away without Geoff noticing you fucked up you’re worthless he’s gonna hate you.

“Baby.” The car stops and he looks up. They’re parked…in the park? He was thinking fancy dinners and expensive china and food he’s not even hungry for, making a fool out of himself in front of a bunch of snobby people and watching the smile drop off Geoff’s face as his act fell through. He was expecting disappointment and guilt and fear and shame, not to end up at the park he practically lives at while Geoff’s at work all day.

Geoff comes around and pulls his door open for him, then extends a hand. He bites his lip and lets Geoff help him out of the car and lead him into the park. “What are we…what is this?”

“You’ll see,” Geoff says. “Close your eyes love, okay? No peeking. I don’t want you ta see it before it’s ready. Don’t ruin the surprise.”

Of course there’s a surprise of course it’s something huge he doesn’t know what Geoff did but whatever it is it’s huge and now he has to explain how he couldn’t come up with a better present because he couldn’t drag his stupid ass out of bed he doesn’t want to be here he doesn’t want to do this why is this happening to him why is this his life why is Geoff still with him whywhywhy.

“Alright,” Geoff’s voice sounds farther away. “Open them.”

And when he does, all he can do is stare.

They’re in the part of the park that’s secluded, a little corner off to the side completely enclosed in by trees. The trees are covered in this spider webbed cotton and strung with little white fairy lights honestly how the fuck did Geoff even plug them in there’s a large picnic blanket on the ground with a basket sitting on top of it. “Geoff, I-”

“Hang on.” Geoff steps over to him and takes his hands, moving so they’re both standing in the middle of everything. “I…I knew you didn’t wanna go big this year, Aws. I know it’s been rough for you lately. I know you’ve been in a really bad place and I know this week in particular was really, really bad. I didn’t wanna do something huge. I didn’t think you’d want it either. Save that for the wedding, right?” He chuckles and waves a hand across. “I wanted it to be simple. Just you and me, under the lights, watching the stars.” He lifts Awsten’s chin and looks him in the eye. “Valentine’s Day’s not about how much you spend or how big you go. It’s about love and being together and celebrating that and it is so beautiful. You, Aws. You are so beautiful. And this is the place we met, the place we went on our first date, the place we became boyfriends…this is the exact spot I proposed to you. This is our reminder that no matter what happens, it’ll always be us, Geoff and Awsten, against the world. Okay? You’ll always have me. No matter what happens. I’ll always be here and I’ll always love you, even when you don’t love yourself.” He smiles. “This day is about you, love. I get to celebrate you. That’s why I love it so much. Any day I get ta celebrate you is a good day for me. I love you, Awsten Constantine Knight. You are the love of my life and I can’t wait to call you my husband.”

“Geoff…” Awsten chokes out. Tears are dripping down his chin and clinging to his neck. His cheeks hurt. The smile aches but he leaves it, looking into Geoff’s eyes. His lip is quivering but he leans in anyway, crashing his lips to Geoff’s. “I-I love you. I don’t- this is…” He trails off. Geoff knows him better than anyone. This just proved that.

He swallows and pulls his phone out of his pocket. Of course Geoff’s idea, no matter how simple, would still turn out over the top and absolutely brilliant. His heart is racing. He still feels the nausea, the balloon lodged in the pit of his stomach that’s just about to pop. “I’m so sorry about how bad this is I forgot I know I’m the worst I hate myself it’s okay I’m so sorry I tried so hard but I couldn’t think of anything for so long and then when I finally did I didn’t have time to-”

“Whoa, breathe sweetheart.” Geoff grips his biceps and holds him up. Awsten wobbles. His legs feel like jelly. He’s sure if Geoff weren’t holding him that he would’ve fainted. “It’s okay. Take a deep breath. Listen. I talked to Jawn, okay? It’s okay. Everything’s okay. No one’s mad at you, it’s perfectly alright. I need you to breathe with me, okay angel? Deep breaths. You’re okay.”

He feels hot and cold at the same time ice is breaking over his back and heat is swelling up right underneath he wants to go why did he even start talking oh god. “I-I wrote you a song for Christmas and I. I wrote this. And it’s probably so bad and I’m so sorry and I didn’t even have time to record it or anything I don’t even know if it sounds okay I just. I didn’t wanna give you nothing you always do all these nice things for me and I’m too much of a mess to do the same and I’m so sorry because you deserve so much better.”

“Awsten.” Geoff’s voice is firm. “Stop. Today is about the person I love, and I’m not gonna let you talk like that about him, okay? He deserves every ounce of love this world has and nothing less.”

“I don’t deserve you,” Awsten says again, pushing his phone at Geoff.

He waits, tasting copper as Geoff’s eyes move back and forth. He swipes the screen and Awsten presses down harder, squeezing his eyes shut against the tears that are burning.

“You’re my final destination?” Geoff looks up at him. His voice sounds…different. Awsten’s never heard that shift in tone before. “I hope it’s nicer where you are, ‘cause I only wanna lift you up? Aws, this is…this is beautiful, sweetheart.”

He barely gets a word out before Geoff is hugging him, pressing him into his chest. Awsten tucks his head up under Geoff’s chin and lets his tears soak into Geoff’s shirt. “You really like it?”

“You know how many times I’ve listened to Lucky People?” He shakes his head. “After you record this I promise I’ll listen to it twice as much. But baby…this is never going to end, okay? I’m never going to leave you. And wherever I go, you’re comin’ with me. I love you. Good days and bad, I love all of them and I want to be there for all of them the rest of my life. So please stop beating yourself up over this angel. You gave me an amazing present, and even if you hadn’t, everything would still be okay. You’ve had a rough week. Being here, with me…that’s present enough love. Having you is present enough.”

“I love you,” Awsten sobs. His chest feels like it’s exploding. His heart could burst. It’s warm and there are fireworks and everything is spinning but it’s a carousel not a blender it’s a carousel of horses and laughter and light.

He feels his knees hit the ground and he’s there for just a moment before Geoff pulls him into his lap. They press their lips together and he wraps his arms around Geoff’s neck, resting his forehead against Geoff’s when they pull away. Geoff’s crying and he is too. The liquid supply is endless, like his heart decided to lodge itself in his tear ducts and pour out all his love for Geoff.

“I love you,” Geoff echoes. Awsten scoots off his lap and puts a hand on his chest. He pushes him until he’s lying down and curls next to him, rests his head on Geoff’s chest and turns his gaze to the stars. Geoff grabs his hand and intertwines their fingers, then brings it to his lips for a kiss.

They’ve shared many Valentine’s Days and they’re usually full of the clichés, of candy and chocolate hearts and fancy dinners and a wild night to finish things off.

This is different.

This is messy, laden with panic attacks and fresh tears and fear and anxiety, this is blurry and foggy and real, this is how he is most of the time, the real him that can’t be shoved under some candy hearts and a nice suit. And somehow, this is the person that Geoff loves, the anxiety-ridden, depression-heavy mess. But this is also fairy lights and stars and carousels and warmth fireworks fireplaces home this is home Geoff is his home.

This is his favorite.

This is everywhere he wants to be, forever, until the end of time.

This is everything.

#waterparks #waterparks fanfiction #awsten knight #geoff wigington #gawsten #gawsten fanfiction #this got real sad real quick oops #appreciate me #i wrote most of this past midnight #idk if it's even coherent #neha writes

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aleatoryalarmalligator · 6 years

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Life Story Part 60

Sarah ended up staying a month longer than she thought she was going to. I guess she didn't feel like she had given a proper goodbye to her mother, and needed to pack more. In any case, it was nice to see her a few more times, without Alex around. Is it wrong that I prefer to hang out with my friends when their boyfriends aren't present? Even if I like their boyfriend overall? I remember playing the racing game for Nintendo with her. We listened to Mark Lanegan's early solo album The Winding Sheet on repeat. I remember Sarah getting in one fight with her mom, but I don't remember what it was about. I think Sarah got upset because her mom passive aggressively demanded something indirectly, but didn't explain herself as to why. She had a way of being intentionally obtuse in order to avoid intimate conversations. So there were some things that Sarah's mom would never talk about, sides of herself she didn't let anyone see. At times she seemed rather cluelessly cold. It eventually could hurt people's feelings. Though I don't think she ever intended it. Her mother never did end up explaining herself. She ended up sort of chastising Sarah for her outrage. Sarah's reaction was oddly childlike. I wouldn't say childish in that her objection and frustrations were sound and valid, though her approach to getting upset seemed to close the opportunity to challenge her mother in a more clever way. I sided with Sarah in the sense that I thought her mom had these moments where she didn't like questioning anything. She sort of sidestepped certain aspects of people, and might low key shame you if you took a step out of her safety zone. She seemed to be very caring and impersonal at the same time. Like, she was sensitive and really wanted good in the world. But at the same time she seemed set to be disappointed and it sort of went in this loop. In some ways, she was altogether unreachable. You realize these flaws about your parents in your mid to late teens most of the time, and it's completely normal.

We ended up going to this all girl ACDC cover band that came to town, called Hell's Bells. I hesitate to criticize ACDC. I have learned to appreciate them and what they stand for. They were a top notch rock band. I realize the more I get older though that I don't really like hard rock all that much. I am not opposed, but it doesn't resonate with me. I prefer folk, artsy stuff, synth pop, experimental, and garage bands. The all girl ACDC cover band did alright – though I respect it now more so than I did back then. This was also the first time I realized my father was drinking again. He had stopped drinking after going to AA. I had suspected it a few times but I couldn't be sure, but here he was doing it openly. I guess it made perfect sense. You would have to be inebriated to really want to hang around Billy all day. And that John guy – the musician my father was hanging around probably drank a lot. Peer pressure got the best of him, and it was a way of coping with the death of both his mother and his ex girlfriend.

There would be some difficulty with getting me to school each day. At first, my father bought this strange looking green car from the 70's on a whim, since one of my father's brother's had it. But it was a terrible gas hog, and while we were driving on a farmer's road shortcut we accidentally didn't take a correct turn and ended up crashing the car into a ditch. It wasn't broken or anything. It just felt like an unfeasible vehicle. Which left my father with this old pick up we had – very reliable in a way but an even worse gas hog. It took thirty dollars just to drive me to school and back. I kind of knew based on these things that going to school wasn't going to last.

But I didn't know what else to do anymore. Sarah was well on her way to being gone, and I didn't have anywhere else to go. I really didn't look forward to the prospect of being home with my parents all day. I thought momentarily at times about going to college, but the idea of going seemed a bit like an admittance of failure on my own part. I felt like I was throwing away time I could spend honing my skills as an artist. I was too proud to admit that going to college might have been worth my time. In any case, my choices were incredibly limited, and I had no idea what I was doing with myself.

Going to school without Sarah present was kind of a trip for me. I felt sort of lost not having someone else there. I walked into class always a little unsure of myself, my head down. I tried not to have conversations with anyone. I think at first Mike felt defensive towards me, but he quickly grew to feel genuinely sorry for me. I have always been an introvert with random outbursts of impassioned outspoken moments or moments where I was feeling rather humorous or jolly, but I had never felt this introverted before. I didn't smile very much. I didn't get that sad anymore either. I just felt locked in myself. When someone addressed me with even a simple question about my day or what I was reading – I sometimes couldn't even answer. What people seemed to expect of me out in the external world was very hard for me to immediately grasp, and when someone asked me incredibly simple questions, it felt like they were presenting me with a puzzle to solve. Everyone else seemed to be able to solve each other's puzzles, and I was left stupefied.

I was having troubles focusing. I felt myself drifting off in class quite often. Not to mention, my father couldn't take me to school about 10-20% of the days – and this was going to make it impossible for me to get any credits whatsoever. Furthermore, the class in second hour was a Mythology class. Mike wanted us to draw out a family tree of the Roman Gods. I didn't get the point of studying Mythology in school at all, but the idea of creating a family tree was incredibly intriguing to me, but the project ended up bogging me down when I found over 5000 deities and demigods and even real actual people that I had to somehow display on this tree. There wasn't a piece of paper big enough for me to draw this out. Not to mention that different stories had differing ideas about who had fathered whom. Zeus couldn't ever keep his pants on it seemed, which made things even more confusing. And then there was the fact that many of the Greek Gods sort of got passed down and renamed as Roman ones. I think there were even a few areas where you might have been able to connect some of the Norse Gods if you went back far enough and you were looking at the beginning time lines. I ended up having something I could not possibly turn in. I found Mythology tedious, and I didn't feel like I was learning anything by knowing about ever poor water nymph (that was probably also his daughter) that Zeus had taken a fancy to on a whim. I wanted to know about true things. I wanted to learn about facts – not stories. I didn't see the value in these stories.

So I went to Mike and told him I was going to leave that class and I needed to talk to Jenni. He didn't look particularly surprised, but he seemed annoyed momentarily, as he seemed to think that I was somehow trying to meekly make him do something for me. He looked at me and told me that I needed to talk to Jenni myself. I looked at him in the face calmly – in a way I don't think I would have the year before – and I just said, 'I know, that's what I am intending. I just don't know her schedule and I assumed you probably do'. And he suddenly sort of softened up. He looked at me quizzically, hesitated, and then said 'You've changed.' And after that, he wasn't rude towards me anymore. If he looked at me at all, his expression mostly conveyed sadness. I think he was in someway pleased with my personality. He felt that I was more 'mature' in my approach towards people – far more direct than I had ever been and with an absence of fragile egotism, but at the same time, what had to die in my eyeballs for me to suddenly grow up like this was almost not worth it – and the grim prospects of my future that I am sure he was all too aware of made him feel rather sorry for me.

Mike ended up meeting my father in person one day. My father came to the school to pick me up, and he wanted to meet Mike. I had said enough about the alternative school to where my dad started saying things like, he thought Mike was probably hitting on the teenage girls. I felt that was incredibly insulting as Mike was probably one of the most appropriate men I had ever met in my entire life, and it was obvious to anyone who knew him that Jenni, the overall quest for knowledge, and snowboarding – but mostly Jenni was his focus point on life. He put a great amount of effort to make everyone at the school feel extremely comfortable. My father sort of cornered Mike. Mike didn't seem particularly pleased, and I just sat there in shock, as they both represented two different worlds, and their two heads both being in the periphery of my vision at the same time was sort of mind boggling. I remember Mike being kind of short with my father. I've never seen anyone so passive aggressive towards my father. It was a strange occurrence.

The next day, Mike pointed out to me in passing that he was surprised by my father. He had been working under the impression that my dad was an old drunk hippie that couldn't speak well. He was sort of taken aback that my father was right wing, was rather muscular and big, talked well and extremely assertively and was the sort of person who sort of moved in on what he wanted very openly and seemed to grasp some psychological conversation, as in the conversation, he was able to carefully craft compliments and mix them with questions that seemed harmless, but were mildly intrusive. My father is a smart guy, and he behaves far more like something between a salesman and a cop than he does an old stoned hippie. If you know him, you know he is also incredibly gullible in certain ways, and is very much a one trick pony who's suspicions eventually lead him into being weirdly isolated and crazy. Also, he was about as unreliable and emotionally unstable as your typical good for nothing barfly type can be at times – so there was that. But on the surface, my father is pretty much a salesman who uses friendliness and openness to push people into corners. It's a skill – you have to acknowledge it for what it is. It's gotten him through life. I certainly don't have it. And I think Mike had been working with the assumption that I had been reacting to a different sort of homelife than he was. I could tell it sort of blew theories Mike might have had about me out of the water a bit. Plus, he just couldn't get my father's overall forward conversation out of his mind since he is a very unusual character. Mike was not used to having to pry control out of someone else's hands in social conversation.

I grew to resent waiting for my father to arrive to pick me up. It caused me to feel stressed as the clock came to that time again. He forgot about me twice, and was always extremely late, like five or six hours late a few times. Moscow, even in the fall, gets really windy and cold. I had no jacket. I would curl up into myself the best I could as the wind pelted me. I would sit outside the school on the bench and watch everyone else drive away or put their headphones on and stroll to wherever they were going. Twenty or thirty minutes later, the teachers would leave the school. Mike felt badly, and he might stay a few extra minutes, but I would always kindly assure him that my father would eventually come to pick me up, though as time went on, I would grow more and more uncertain. I knew there was nothing he could really do for me, and I didn't want to cut into his homelife. So eventually I would be alone. The school was closed, and everyone was gone in the small parking lot but me. I'd get this weird dull anxiety of feeling alone. I felt like I was caught in the echo of the world, and not in the world itself. I would watch the 5 O'clock traffic roll by and wonder who all these people were who seemed to have lives. It felt very real to me that the world was spitting me out. I was never actually going to get the chance to become a person like them.

One of the times that my father didn't come and get me, it was due to him forgetting. He tried to assure me he had not forgotten to get me, but my little brother David later clarified that he had. My father had been too busy hanging out with Billy and the local guys – basically trying to be a cool loser like them. Billy and my dad eventually showed up in Billy's beat up car with duck tape and such. I crammed into the back of the car with Billy's girlfriend and a bunch of other people. It seemed profoundly silly to me that my dad wanted to hang out with these people. They were bad news. Billy's claim to fame other than sleeping with all the girls in town was his infamously terrible driving. He liked to speed, and play racing games with other vehicles. I remember sitting in that car having to hold something to keep my position as he hollered and screamed at other vehicles. I took a look at the speedometer and it said 85mph, and I knew we were on a 40. It was insane. He was swerving around to pass vehicles on solid yellow lines. My father looked nervous – but he also looked like he didn't want to seem uncool. He tried to softly say 'Hey now..' but Billy of course didn't respect that kind of authority, and didn't care. I eventually just closed my eyes and hoped for the best. I knew Billy and Zack were best friends. I tried to understand why that was.

Sitting outside after school, I remember Mike coming out, seeing me huddled up and feeling badly on particular time. He hung out with me for about ten minutes. He explained to me that he didn't think it was right that I didn't have a coat. It was kind of an awkward conversation. I was trying to play it like I wasn't that cold, though it was most likely obvious that I was freezing. He just started letting me know that he felt I was being neglected, and that it was a parents duty to buy their children coats. My father had a job, he clearly wasn't physically incapable of getting me a coat. And yet, I hadn't owned a real coat since 7th grade. In passing he asked me why I had decided to leave Mythology. I explained that I felt it was not worth studying unless you were for whatever reason a very strange sort of nerd who was into such things. This ended up being one of the most important conversations of my entire life.

Mike didn't really reprimand me for my negativity as I had expected, but he asked me why I believed that was true. I sighted the Norse myth of Skoll and Heti, two wolves that chase the moon and sun in hopes of catching them and eating them. I scoffed at the whole thing, and I basically felt they must have been very stupid back in those times. Ancient people truly believed that was what was going on in the sky everyday – and that seemed unacceptable. It was part of their perspective of life, deeply ingrained into their thinking. I wish I could remember the precise conversation, but Mike essentially got me to admit that I didn't feel like ancient people were as 'real' as people of today. I think this was my way of passing off their experiences, and therefore deeming humanity's momentary position as the right one – my own position in particular. There are elements of studying the perspectives of ancient people that can really unwind how you think the world of today is sociologically, philosophically and even scientifically.

As soon as I admitted that I didn't see their perspective as equal, Mike took apart my assumption piece by piece before me. My arguments didn't hold up. It was suddenly and quietly dawning on me that I had based my entire ego and belief system on a certainty with no basis. In conjunction with this, I also stated that reality was real – as I experienced it and saw it. I believed my brain alone was not incapable of any mistakes. I believed my perceptions were perfect in all ways in representing the truth. And I guess you couldn't blame me. I had only ever been around people who were incredibly certain of their own perspective. I had never seen anyone logically question themselves. Mike turned this around on me big time, not too much with info, but by asking a series of questions that lead me to realizing my incredible shortcomings in my belief system and my biases. It had never occurred to me once that people were hindered by their biases, or that you couldn't actually prove anything truly. I had never entertained Cartesian logic. Solipsism had never once occurred to me.

In the end, I was asking questions on what Mike thought. Because I had just found a glaring blindspot in my entire perspective. Mike explained that science was a means of us manipulating our surroundings to acquire information about it, but you couldn't prove it was real per say. It proved itself. This wasn't a reason to dismiss science in any way, but it left you feeling rather confused about reality, or your place in it. There could theoretically be places where the laws of physics are contradicted. Even in our own solar system there are things that have been observed at great galactic distances that prove that even in our own observable universe, the law of physics didn't seem to apply. Our understanding of the world was limited, and real wisdom couldn't simply be acquired by taking for granted what you see as being all there was. Compared to the vast expanse of reality – whatever reality even is, what were our little finite minds? Was the ideas that I held about my own place in the world that much different than believing in Skoll and Heti?

Nobody had ever pointed any of this out to me before. And it meant everything to me. It meant that I didn't truly know anything. And before I could know anything, I would have to know how I could know anything. Otherwise, I had no premise to believe in anything. And in connection with this, language itself was quite limited. How could human language even scrape the surface of our existences. We formed most of our biological traits and even our concepts of the world from a very base place of eating, forming healthy tribal groups, fucking and raising our young. Our thoughts will always be hindered by the basic human needs. I could not prove, outside of my own interpretation of what science meant to me, and what could actually be said about time, reality or the meaning of our existences because all of it was limited by my own humanness. My Objectivism was completely crushed in that moment. It was almost exciting in a way, to be shed of my limited scope. I was cold, and Mike ended up going home. But I felt like an animal that had escaped from some kind of small terrible cage. I realize that these days every other successful podcast breeches these deep topics, but it had seriously never once been proposed to me. I have been surrounded by egomaniacs that thought they knew everything, and I had seamlessly become one of them.

This dawning realization also had it' toll on how I saw my own existence in the universe, and how I should forge and create my life. How I judged other people in the grocery store. Instead of my ordinary black and white do or die mentality, I fell into this gray uncertainty, somewhere between a grand and opened mind and a contrary yet equal dose of skepticism. Everything in the world was no longer one dimensional. Even the most simple of subjects could be broken down and understood in a way that connected with everything else. Everything in this weird way was connected, and it was exhilarating for me to think about why that was. I realized that with my own mind, I could strip away aspects of falsehoods. I could find answers to questions. And still more questions would always blossom from that particular answer. I wanted to sort it all out.

What if we were all so small and our lives so minute in the grand scheme of things, or lives so fleeting that I could look at everyone around me and realize that we were all going to die. I never really made it known to a lot of people, but I used to adore the front cover of Hole's 'Live Through This'. I hung it on my wall as a reminder when I got up each morning that I had to fight till I got what was owed me. And I had to earn it. It helped suppress the sad nerdy child in me that was dopey and uncertain of herself. Say what you will about Courtney Love (privately I don't think she's a nice a person), but she really hit some kind of nail on the head for us strange looking girls and that album. The cover, if you don't know, shows this crying woman who looks like she has won the pageant of all pageants. It embodies this extreme western ideal of winning, and at the same time has this disturbing gritty element to it. It's these two contrary realities working together in that picture that I think makes it very genius. She was won the fight to be loved and adored and admired as a woman finally. I had up to that point wanted whatever it was that was being conveyed in the picture. It fed my ego. It made my awkward ugly girl teen years far more bearable to know that if I wanted something badly enough I could transform myself and change my brand.

But I never really thought about that being some manifestation from an unhealthy ego that was merely trying to compensate from a wounded and broken self esteem. A self esteem that would soon be dead, just like every other great human being in history. Forget the woman on the cover of Live Through This. Think about the glory and success of someone like Alexander the Great. It was all temporary. That glory lives and dies, and I was coming to realize that even though a part of me would always crave attention, and beauty – it would never be enough. Think of all the stars who lived and died in our culture, momentarily worshiped and then forgotten about. In the end they were as revered and remembered as the smelly homeless woman who nobody wanted to touch. They both lived and died. And even a woman say like Marilyn Monroe who was sensationalized by her death and reached a place of fame where she would always be remembered. I imagine it's very lonely at the top. She's an icon, not a human being to most of us. Is it any wonder that so many CEO's commit suicide? I think that when you base your life on these arbitrary standards of achievement, it makes everyone at the top and the bottom and in between completely miserable. But it's those at the top and those at the bottom who can see it the clearest.

It's not that my ego went away. My ego has never gone away, and I feed it what it wants from time to time. But I was now aware of my own ego. It's healthy to remember how brief and sometimes pointless life can be. It doesn't mean that you shouldn't have goals, but the way I was seeing my place in the world and my personal goals was totally destructive to me. And was it what I really wanted? At one point I wanted to be some kind of punk rock queen. But was that really who I even was? Didn't I just want to be a punk as a backlash against having been rejected by Kyle all those years back? The boy next door turned jock turned me down. I think at that early age, it really represented to me that the 'normal world' was never going to accept me. And Sarah seemed to be able to fit in wherever she went. Granted, the strong rednecks didn't want to have much to do with her, but I was always comparing myself to Sarah. And the funny thing is was that it didn't matter to Sarah if she fit in with anyone or not. She couldn't help who she was – or that she was pretty, or slender. I think privately, she suffered from depression regardless. She wanted to be connected with in a real way just like me. She was just as insecure as me, and maybe more so in some ways. I was attributing my failures onto what I perceived to be her successes, which was just about every conversation she had with anyone that went well, or made the other person think well of her. To her, these were friendly exchanges, nothing more nothing less. But to me, I saw every conversation I had as a competition. Life had up to that point become this competition for me, and when I lost I felt like a failure. And that was wrong. I had projecting my insecurities into the friendship, and it had lent it's hand in nearly ruining our friendship. This wasn't to say that it was all me, but it was a good part of it. It was I think the most immediate and obvious problem.

I now wanted to be the kind of person who, rather than define myself by everything I hated, defined myself by what I did and what I loved. I went over the things in my life that I had always bashed on a daily basis, and when I really observed them objectively, and studied my feelings for what they really were, I found that I didn't dislike half as many things as I thought I did. I still had things I disliked, but far less than before. I didn't want to embody some kind of superficial genre anymore. I didn't even like the idea of that kind of categorization. Because isn't everything made out of everything else to some degree? I wanted to be my true self and reach my full potential. I actually wanted to know myself.

My father ended up being even later that day. It was freezing cold – and I was near tears and it was almost ten o'clock at night. He ended up picking me up with that guitarist he was hanging out with and lending his amps to – John. John seemed kind of messed up. He had just broken up with some woman. My father was all about talking badly about women with John. Their was always a sort of competition of stories about women – or they would take turn listening to rock songs on the radio and making fun of the ones that incorporated synthesizers. I remember feeling really annoyed at my father for acting like a jerk, picking me up five hours after school had closed and not even saying sorry. I had been close to panicking when he finally came by. Of course, my father was notoriously late. He was late to his wedding with my mother back in '91.

For the few weeks that Sarah lingered around, I would try to rush to see her when I could. We drove around a little bit. Thom Yorke had come out with his amazing solo album, and we would listen to it on repeat. She had a somewhat new look about her. She seemed more grown up, a little more reserved. I tried to explain to her what I had come to realize about life, and I do believe she tried to listen. She and I were just in very different places at the time. It was dawning on her I think that she was leaving the world she knew behind. She was leaving me behind, and her mom. Sarah didn't have to deal with some of the problems I had. Sarah – for all her problems was a much calmer and more courteous human being by nature. Her ego rarely got her into issues that manifested themselves out into the open. We didn't have the same chips on our shoulders. She didn't react like me to the world. Life just wasn't so immediate and hostile. So what I was saying didn't really apply to her then. We tried to make the best of it all.

There was a time a few days before she finally tried to leave where I asked my dad if I could travel up to her house to see her. It ended up being this really strange altercation – and it made me realize just how done I was with being a legal child. Normally, my father was pretty lenient about me going up to Sarah's. I wouldn't actually say he ever gave me too much of a problem, at least not in the last few years of my later teens. But when I asked him if I could go up there, he got red in the face and sort of had this attitude in his voice and he said 'NO'. I asked him why. I might have let it go ordinarily, but I wasn't going to be seeing a lot of Sarah. She had to also say goodbye to other people in her family, and I wanted to get as much time in as possible. His answer to my question was this surprising and loud 'BECAUSE I'M AN ASSHOLE!!!' I was shocked and upset. He then started walked towards me as if I was some drunk at the bar who had challenged him to a fight. I looked at him then, with his hat turned backwards all stupid – him trying to pretend he was nineteen again I guess. And I just decided to disregard his insane demands. If he had had any reason that even remotely made sense I would have listened, but this was bordering on mentally unstable. I felt shaken and upset, but I was also so disgusted by this that I held my own at least till I could get a ways up the street where I knew he couldn't see me.

I have this suspicion that Mike and Jenni asked this girl named Tatianna to try to be my friend. I was really closed off. I didn't talk to anyone, and she kept offering to hang out with me – volunteering to be my school work buddy. Tatianna was kind of a brilliant human being. She was gorgeous for one with black curly hair. Her parents were a mix of Chinese, Mexican, Brazilian and Russian. She knew all these languages fluently as well as English. With the knowledge she already possessed, she could easily become a translator. I definitely felt outclassed by Tatianna and was sort of short and nervous behaving when she did talk to me. She talked to the teachers and Jenni quite a lot. I have a feeling they told her to befriend me, for whatever reason – because I was lonely and they might have been worried about me. Don't get me wrong. I think she was a nice person – I don't fault her for taking recommendations from Mike and Jenni and I actually think she was all the more kindhearted for considering talking to people who needed it, and she didn't at all mind reaching out to people like me. I don't think she was getting paid or anything ridiculous. I feel like Mike had pointed me out, and asked her if she could get me to open up a bit. So she really tried. But it was of no use. I got so nervous when she talked to me, that I could barely understand a word she was saying. When I tried to respond, sometimes I just couldn't speak. I felt confused and incredibly panicked when she talked to me – and whenever she would say something I came to associate it negatively with feeling vulnerable and dimwitted.

Billy's girlfriend for a short time started going up to the alternative school. Because of this, I was able to get rides in the morning from Kendrick to Moscow – which saved my father part of a trip. This didn't last too long. Both of us were very quiet. Her name was Casey. She was the girl I went to The Children of Divorce Club with back when I was in 4th grade. She was not especially bright – though she wasn't that dull either, she was extremely pretty, and overall a doormat to Billy who was never remotely respectful towards her and treated her like a lamp when he was around his buddies. Both of us said very little as we drove to school in the morning. One morning as she was driving us to school that late September morning, she in passing told me something that completely cracked my head open and caused me to reevaluate my entire existence. We had been driving in silence for twenty minutes or so. Then she suddenly after this long period of silence, she spoke up as she had finally remembered something she was supposed to say to me. She explained how she had told Zack as he came over to visit Billy, that she had been driving me to school. She told me that he had lit up when he heard that. He had gotten extremely excited. She said she had never seen him light up like that before. She then proceeded to explain that Zack really missed me and wanted to get in touch with me. He would be writing me a letter in a few days. He was sorry we hadn't stayed in touch, and he wanted to get in touch with me and hang out with me again. And he had told Casey that he loved me.

Ladies and gentleman, my heart dropped in my chest. I felt literal year of emotional weight fall off me. I felt as in love as the day we had hugged one another in the gym as the school bell rang and my friends looked on semi jealously in '03. It confirmed something my heart always told me, but I had begun to stop believing. Whenever I had been alone or lost in those years, Zack had thought of me too. He had cared about me. I felt like he was looking in my eyes. He loved me. He loved me. He loved me. That is all my mind kept saying all day. My soul felt vibrant. I felt like I suddenly had a purpose again. I was shaking. I felt light. I couldn't wait to get his letter. I knew I would not put off writing him back this time. I had spent literally years of my life going over and over what I had done wrong. I was older now, and I would not make those same mistakes. I would give to the conversations. I would always right back. I would tell Zack the truth. I almost thought this had to be some kind of miracle.

That evening when my father came to pick me up though, he explained to me that he was having no luck being able to afford coming and getting me after school. He didn't want to tell me I had to leave school. He never told me to quit. But I knew it had been coming. I volunteered to drop out. I didn't want to anymore, at least not really, but I just imagined that there wasn't much of a choice. My father could literally not get me on days he worked until much later. It was going to cost him a fortune to drive from Kendrick to Lewiston, up to Moscow and then all the way back to Kendrick again each day. What's more, I wasn't doing well in school anymore. This was technically my twelfth grade, but if I did the math, I would be twenty-one by the time I graduated, and that would only be if I got perfect grades. Despite having a good year the previous year, I would never be able to undo the several years where I had gotten zero credits. This whole thing wasn't working out.

A part of me was hopeful too, that if I could get in touch with Zack and plan to meet him, that this would give me the time I needed to be around him and hopefully we could form a long overdue relationship. I wanted to start my own studying into philosophy as well. As much as I loved what I was learning in the alternative school, I wanted to take what I had learned and apply it to what I was interested in. I didn't know anything about philosophy, other than that it pertained to what I had been thinking about – but what little exposure I had was enough to completely reshape my entire reality. I wanted more of that. I also wanted to start painting again. I was tired of drawing cartoons. I wanted to be a professional painter. I wanted to learn the harmonica. I felt like school was sort of wasting my time. On the other hand, I didn't want to be stuck at home with my parents. That prospect frightened me. Had there been an easier way to get to school – I would have stayed, but it felt like all of this was sort of falling into place. So I conceded with my father, and explained I would drop out. I could tell he felt weird about being relieved to hear his daughter would be dropping out. I could have quit then and there, but I told him I wanted to stay till the end of the week. He was fine with that. I felt that would give Zack enough time to write me.

That night I forgot to eat dinner. I was too wrapped up in this new phase of my life that was coming to pass. I got in the car with Casey the next morning as soon as I could. Casey ten minutes into the drive suddenly said 'Oh Shoot. Zack wrote you a letter, but I forgot to grab it off the coffee table.' My heart sort of sunk and lifted. I wanted that letter. That letter was the key to everything I had suffered for up to that point. This gave her till the next day. During class, Mike had regretfully informed us that we would have to pay for free food. It was an order from above his head. So I didn't have any money of course for food. I was getting pretty hungry. I explained to Mike that I was leaving school. He said he was sorry, and told me I would have to sign out properly the next day with Jenni. He would be sure to tell her. He was very nice about it. Staving off hunger, I was reading One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. It was one of Mike's favorites, and he always told me he thought I would really get into that novel, since it sort of pertained to a lot of the psychological things I noticed about the way power manifests itself. I was anxious about that letter. I was a little misty eyed, looking around at that school. I had really grown as a person since having been there. I would miss the computer room, even mundane places like the hallway to the bathroom meant a lot to me. It had sentimental value to me.

I was very hungry by the time I got home, having missed dinner the night before. I sat upstairs for some time, just sitting on my bed and waiting for dinner to be done cooking. I was busy daydreaming. Eventually I went downstairs to see if dinner was done. Everyone was sitting around the couch. I asked where dinner was, and they all three looked up at me guiltily. They had eaten it all. They forgot about me. My heart sank. In most households, there is always something else to eat. In bigger towns and cities, there is usually at least one grocery story that stays open all night. But in small rural places, that's not the case. My father didn't keep food. He brought food for dinner each night. This actually caused extreme food insecurity in Allison and David. They never got enough, and what there was leftover often times I ate up – not realizing they were that hungry, and eating to suppress my emotional instability. So there was no option for me but to go to bed the next morning.

The next day, I was feeling dizzy. I really was crazed hoping for that letter. This was the day. After this, I wouldn't be going to school anymore, and Zack wouldn't really find a way to get the letter to me. I actually got up the courage to ask Casey finally about the letter as she didn't mention it at first. She looked confused when I asked her. I think she was most likely always stoned. That had to be why she was that way. She said 'Oh damn! Did I leave it in the car? Is it down by your feet?' I looked around, pretending not to be desperate. Eventually she looked distant and forlorn. 'I must have lost it.' My heart sank. I didn't feel like it was the end of the world. I felt like after the ear infection, I had already met with the end of the world. I was just incredibly disappointed. I had to hide it though. I guess Casey had tried her best. And at least now I knew – which was the most important thing – that Zack still loved me. It was disappointing that I would never be able to read that letter he wrote me that he intended for me. It was some kind of terrible coincidence that this was all happening on the last days of school. I tried not to compare it to the ending of Romeo and Juliet. We just missed one another. It was all coincidence. O happy dagger. This is thy sheath.

I was dizzy from hunger and disappointment. I went into Jenni's office for our last meeting. She seemed disappointed that I would be leaving. She tried to talk me out of it, but I explained to her in plain terms that staying in school was now officially impossible. She tried to give me some advice. One thing she told me was that being seventeen was going to be difficult, she said, because your parents still have the rights to control you like you are a youth, but you are technically thinking like an adult, and they will also expect you to live up to adulthood. I took that into consideration. She sort of bantered with me about not wasting my time. I assured her that I would not waste my time. She wanted me to go to college still, which I shrugged off. She said she knew a lot of students that, when they lived with their parents they ended up stuck where they were and they spent all day watching Opera on the couch. I scoffed, as I wasn't a daytime television fan – kind of sidestepping the point she was making. She didn't want to support me on leaving like I was, but she knew that it was out of both her and my hands. I also made the mathematical assessment known that I wouldn't be graduating till I was 21 and only then if my grades were perfect, which I knew they would not be. She had to agree. I remember I was looking at this stack of hearts that said 'Don't Break My Heart By Doing Drugs' on them. I think they were meant for taking notes on. I asked if I could keep one of them as a remembrance item. She let me have one happily. She looked me in the eye, and said 'Go Get Your GED Renee'. I nodded to that.

I wanted to say goodbye to Mike more formally, but hunger had completely taken over all thought by the end of the day. I had never gone without food that long before. It was two and a half days now. I had managed to scrounge up ninety cents on my bedroom floor that morning. Nothing in the gas station across the street from the school was that cheap. I knew I had to do something. I snuck in the kitchen, found a bag of bagels, and I stuffed one in my mouth and devoured it as fast as I could. I then grabbed another one, and ran to the front door. I knew I was supposed to pay for them but I didn't have the money, and I didn't want to be caught stealing. I was just so hungry I couldn't think anymore. Had Mike truly known just how starved I was I am sure he would have let me eat these, but I didn't know. Also, as I grabbed the second bagel, the bag fell off the counter, and I just ran anxiously out the door.

In the gas station, I found the cheapest thing I could afford. It was this package of fig newtons. To back up, I don't enjoy fig newtons at all, but I was so hungry that I crushed these guys in my mouth and I never tasted anything so delightful in my life. I was still shaky, but it was alright. I had gotten my father to agree that I would wait in the gas station rather than outside. I finished reading One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. That book was so intense and real to me. I was keen on ever subtle thing in the book and what it meant. I felt like it was the perfect novel. I was slightly crying at the end. I was still hungry. I was feeling twelve feelings all at once. It was a lot to look at the big picture and fully come to terms with the reality that school was over. I had made it through twelve years of hell. I had been all these different people, I have loved and lost, and found new reasons to be alive again. I had gone from a good student to a terrible student to a fantastic student. I had made friends and then lost of all of them. And now it was just me against the world. I no longer had to get up and do school work anymore. It felt surreal. I couldn't believe my life was what it was. I felt happy about Zack, sad about Zack. Happy to be out of school, sad to be out. I was still starving. I sat there in a daze. I am sure I looked strange to the other customers in the A&W. Then my dad came and waved me into the truck, and that was my last day of high school.

PART 59 - https://tinyurl.com/yd79nbcs

PART 58 - https://tinyurl.com/yc3zzr5k PART 57 - https://tinyurl.com/y9slhq2w PART 56 - http://tinyurl.com/y7v9kbn2 PART 55 - http://tinyurl.com/y8fy3uew PART 54 - http://tinyurl.com/yb8nlwvh PART 53 - http://tinyurl.com/yae9wgbj PART 52 - http://tinyurl.com/ybwft2g6 PART 51 - http://tinyurl.com/y9gsjg4j PART 50 - http://tinyurl.com/y7729d45 Part 49 - http://tinyurl.com/ydbpgkqw PART 48 - http://tinyurl.com/ydcn5uuu PART 47 - http://tinyurl.com/y8xyogl9 PART 46 - http://tinyurl.com/ybqoxned PART 45 - http://tinyurl.com/y94784tz PART 44 - http://tinyurl.com/ydfpbzxt PART 43 - http://tinyurl.com/yckvswd7 PART 42 - http://tinyurl.com/ycnng83q PART 41 - http://tinyurl.com/y84kmttv PART 40 - http://tinyurl.com/y8aj6kmq PART 39 - http://tinyurl.com/y97vprft PART 38 - http://tinyurl.com/ycr7la8q PART 37 - http://tinyurl.com/y8trssqd PART 36 - http://tinyurl.com/y9ygq9q8 PART 35 - http://tinyurl.com/ya5xhe2f PART 34 - http://tinyurl.com/yc6y4p69 PART 33 - http://tinyurl.com/y87449dz PART 32 - http://tinyurl.com/ycetanep PART 31 - http://tinyurl.com/yae3o4rd PART 30 - http://tinyurl.com/ybht9aul PART 29 - http://tinyurl.com/ybfcr9j2 PART 28 - http://tinyurl.com/yagdlo47 PART 27 - http://tinyurl.com/ydcj5fgf PART 26 - http://tinyurl.com/y73nvl73 PART 25 - http://tinyurl.com/y6v6pgoj PART 24 - http://tinyurl.com/ycak5d8r PART 23 - http://tinyurl.com/yac6sk3g PART 22 - http://tinyurl.com/yat6cfnw PART 21 - http://tinyurl.com/y783egno PART 20 - http://tinyurl.com/y8jskymt PART 19 - http://tinyurl.com/rfhbms8 PART 18 - http://tinyurl.com/ycrznrwk PART 17 - http://tinyurl.com/y77unlng PART 16 - http://tinyurl.com/yadpsv8c PART 15 - http://tinyurl.com/yb3lt6k5 PART 14 - http://tinyurl.com/yb4cfedq PART 13 - http://tinyurl.com/yalanq9s PART 12 - http://tinyurl.com/yc79mw94 PART 11 - http://tinyurl.com/yc9qhj84 PART 10 - http://tinyurl.com/yb734w24 PART 9 - http://tinyurl.com/yc2t6vfw PART 8 - http://tinyurl.com/ybl37utq PART 7 - http://tinyurl.com/ybvo283g PART 6 - http://tinyurl.com/kbc9dwu PART 5 - http://tinyurl.com/msnz4am PART 4 - http://tinyurl.com/k9x8esg PART 3 - http://tinyurl.com/mwp9atx PART 2 - http://tinyurl.com/lbt6xq2 PART 1 - http://tinyurl.com/l8xbvg8

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sometimesalwaysmusic · 7 years

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GALAPAGOS

For this interview we spoke with Adam Ferris (AF, above centre) and Matthew Wood (MW, above left) of new local indie band Galapagos. Check out their Facebook and Soundcloud pages to give their new tunes a spin, and see them live on Friday, March 24 as their introduce their new drummer, Tyler Johnston (above right)!

VITALS

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/galapagos613/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/galapagos613/

Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/galapagos613

Latest release: Lungs (Single, February 2017)

Upcoming shows: March 24, 2017 - The Nude Dogs, Fire Antlers & Galapagos. 8PM. $7. Pressed Cafe, Ottawa ON. May 13, 2017 - Heart Beach, Galapagos, + more TBD. 8PM. Bar Robo, Ottawa, ON.

SA: How did Galapagos start as a band, and how did you come up with the name? AF: Matt and I had always talked about getting together to work on music. Our schedules for whatever reason never matched up for us to do that until the fall of 2015. This was when my last project (Waxing Moon) stopped playing shows and Matt was free from his last band (Idle Lie). We finally got together and started working on some songs I had been working on. The sound of Matt’s guitar playing really brought my simple songs to life. It was exciting and comfortable right off the bat. We played under a few names for some open mics including Aeros and then Mosey. We then realized that it sounded too much like local band Mosely. The name Galapagos comes from the name of one of my favourite Smashing Pumpkins songs on Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness. I loved the name. My partner at the time thought the name Galapagos sounded great for a band and then Matt loved it too. I think it sounds fun and exotic. It sounds like a place where things evolve. MW: A lot of what Adam was writing reminded me of a few bands back in Indiana (Chaste By Bears, Prayer Breakfast, Husband&Wife). It had this Midwest feel to the songs with a nice poppy hook to it. When I was listening to his music, I immediately had ideas for complementary parts to add to it.

SA: Who are your biggest influences, musically or otherwise? AF: Musically speaking I am mostly influenced by things from my teen years like Smashing Pumpkins, Oasis, and Hayden. In more recent years I have been a huge fan of acts like Catfish and the Bottlemen, Deer Tick and Ryan Adams. These bands mostly influenced me with the sincerity in their lyrics. As a Pisces, I enjoy wearing my heart on my sleeve. So the songs are influenced by my current experiences. Part of that is my continuing my journey through personal growth. Some of these awarenesses and struggles come up in the songs. I lean more towards reflective and emotional lyrical content while others are just straight-forward and direct. MW: Jonny Greenwood (Radiohead) due to his innovative guitar style while finding amazing ways to combine traditional electric guitar with digital manipulation. Nick Drake for his somber chords, his tragic story, and his powerful influence for many artists. Sun Kil Moon’s Mark Kozelek for his honest lyrics and melancholy themes. Also, because he’s a fellow Midwesterner.

SA: Thus far in your career, what has been your biggest success? MW: The biggest success so far was just forming this band. It took a long time for us to get together and see what we could add to one another’s songs. Once we set aside the time to look at everything, we started to create music we were proud of and loved. AF: I'd have to say the fact that we haven't rushed this process. We have let the process guide us and lead us to where we are supposed to go. It's been challenging at times but rewarding overall.

SA: On the other hand, what is the biggest challenge you have faced, and how have you dealt with it? AF: For me it has been balancing my wants musically with the reality of growing up. How much money and time can I spend on this? Who wants to commit to this as much as I do? I’ve always preferred the camaraderie of the band experience and having space for some solo work on the side. It allows flexibility for the different songs I write. Sometimes a song will work better on my own than as a part of a group and vice versa. For me, finding people I can trust and get along well with has been difficult. Luckily, Matt and I get along great outside of the band context and I fully trust him musically. I have had too many musical projects start strong and then putter out. I am hoping that this isn’t the case with Galapagos. With this project I have approached it with patience. I haven’t forced a time frame on things or creating a particular sound. We have let it be what it needs to be. We are allowing Galapagos the space to breathe and grow and evolve. MW: The biggest challenge has been to break out of my usual rhythms and chords and try to learn more for guitar and adding texture to the music. There are times I feel everything I do is derivative of something I’ve done in the past and this either frustrates me, or pushes me to do something new.

SA: How do you approach the song-writing process? MW: Adam usually brings in some snippets of music or a full song. Once we hear it, Tyler and I play over top and see what we can add. AF: It ends up being a totally collaborative effort with each member bringing their own unique ideas and influences to the songs. It helps the songs grow into something that it didn’t really sound like when I first brought it to the band. There is something really special about creating music with other people that you don’t get when one person runs the whole operation. It’s exciting process for us and I think we really enjoy playing together.

SA: What are your thoughts on the Ottawa music scene? MW: It’s been blossoming so much the past 5 years. Apart from the loss of Mugshots, The Daily Grind, and Folklore Centre in Old Ottawa South, the Ottawa scene has been very proactive in building up the economic and communal presence it needs to become a more prominent cultural hub in Canada. AF: I really hope that the scene continues to grow. There is a great diversity amongst the acts and there is not an evening you can’t go out and see great live talent for a great price. This evening alone, Matt and I can’t decide between going to see a show at Live on Elgin or at Irene’s.

SA: On your Facebook page, I've seen reference to Garage Folk as a genre for your sound. Why 'Garage Folk' and did you consciously set out to make a certain style of music, or did it happen more organically? AF: I don’t think we started off with any idea of where we wanted to go. We just wanted to write and play. With Matt and I, it has always been very organic for both our friendship and creatively speaking. When we were playing as a duo, the sound came out pretty naturally. We did however, always picture it including drums or how he would add all these guitar dynamics when we recorded them. When Tyler joined the group, we decided to abandon our old songs and to start writing new ones. We were all in on that idea and I think it has helped bring us together as a band. With two electric guitars now, our sound is slightly heavier. Hence the gritty pop label we have given ourselves on our web pages. MW: We’ve had a nice gritty element to our music so the genre of Garage Folk seemed apt. We also dabble a little bit in folk, shoegaze, poppy emo songs, and anything that comes to mind.

SA: You guys posted a video of a new song called Lungs on your social media pages. How has the song-writing process been going, and how will you narrow down what songs to include on a release? AF: As of right now we have a full set of original songs. I love having this many songs so we don’t have to cut any from a set list. I obviously have favourites but I hate having to cut songs for setlists. It’s like deciding which child doesn’t get to eat. The songwriting process has been a real collaborative effort in this new formation of the band. As a result we have three or four songs I think we all agree that we want to record first. There is also one song that we are planning to never record but will play at every show. I don’t want to give away any surprises but if you want to hear this song, come on out to Pressed on March 24th. MW: The process has been chugging along at a nice pace. As of right now, we’ve been working on just tightening up our current music for future shows and recording sessions. I’m excited to put those songs out to public scrutiny and also start making new songs again.

SA: If you could send out some love to some local musicians you have been enjoying recently, or who are perhaps even influences, who would they be? AF: I would like to give a shout out to our good friend Travis and his band Fire Antlers. I remember playing a solo show with Travis about three years ago at the old Cafe Luneta. He was just starting out this new project. At this point it just him, his guitar and a drum machine. Since then he has evolved his sound to incorporate a full band. His songs are really groovy and it has been fun seeing him rearrange his old songs as his band takes on new shapes. Just the other week at the Rainbow, his band was comprised of him and his guitar, a new drum machine, a second guitarist and a keyboardist. It's always a good time at a Fire Antlers show. His tunes are solid and you can’t help but want to move while listening. MW: Jamieson MacKay from Shadowhand and How Far To Mexico. He has been immensely involved in Ottawa's music scene playing lots of shows with his bands as well as some solo performances. He's made a great name for himself and his creative output is phenomenal. Also, Fet.Nat and the label E-Tron Records is the reason I stayed in Ottawa/Gatineau music scene in the first place. The entire collective is the most inspiring act in the area.

SA: Lastly, what’s in store for Galapagos in 2017 and onwards? MW: We’re gearing up to record an EP and we’ve done some submissions for future shows. It’ll be an exciting year for us. AF: I hope to be playing more shows and getting tighter as a unit. Finding a bassist would also be a priority at some point I would think as well. Oh and of course having more people hear our songs.

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sheilacwall · 4 years

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Kanye West & Numerology as Jesus the King Hits #1

Has the album been well received? I’d say a resounding yes. Here are the numbers.

Jesus is King Record Sales

Jesus the King just debuted at #1 in the US, Canadian, Australian, NZ & Norwegian charts whilst entering at #2 in the UK & Irish charts.

Jesus Is King opened at number one on the US Billboard 200 with 264,000 album-equivalent units, of which 109,000 were pure album sales.

The chart-topping position stood as the sixth time that West did so with an album in the 2010s, tying him for second place with fellow rapper Future and Canadian singer Justin Bieber for most number one albums of the decade. The album simultaneously entered atop the US Top Christian Albums and Top Gospel Albums charts.

All 11 of Kanye West’s songs debuted on the latest Hot 100:

Rank, Title

No. 7, “Follow God” No. 17, “Closed on Sunday” No. 19, “Selah” No. 23, “On God” No. 33, “Everything We Need” feat. Ty Dolla $ign & Ant Clemons No. 36, “God Is” No. 37, “Use This Gospel” feat. Clipse & Kenny G No. 44, “Every Hour,” feat. Sunday Service Choir No. 50, “Water,” feat. Ant Clemons No. 59, “Hands On,” feat. Fred Hammond No. 62, “Jesus Is Lord”

West is among the most critically acclaimed musicians of the 21st century and one of the best-selling music artists of all time with over 140 million records sold worldwide.

He has won a total of 21 Grammy Awards, making him one of the most awarded artists of all time and the most Grammy-awarded artist of his generation.

Kanye’s Evolution

Kanye is a year older than me and like me, he had to move to another country as a child due to his parents’ job. For him it was China at age 10 years old as his mother found a teaching job abroad, for me it was the USA at age 9.

It seems like he had a similar problem I had at school with the same outcome.

“China was a time where me and my mom spent the most time together, we spent a year together, and she used to homeschool me. I was in school and I wasn’t doing so good, but it was actually because I was bored and after she homeschooled me I did so good on the tests they put me two grades above in a lot of different courses.”

I read that before Donda West passed away, his mother had recounted tales of a young Kanye break dancing on the streets for yangrouchuan (lamb skewers) for small change.

Mrs. West said that although she found the language difficult, her son found it amusing that the word ma meant both “mother” and “horse” depending on how it was pronounced. “He played that to the hilt,” she recalled in her book.

I remember using the word “rubber” in America, when I’d made a mistake writing something down and the kids laughing. Rubber means “condom” in America and the word you need is “eraser”. I think I played that to the hilt after that as well.

You probably know that Tupac’s parents were Black Panthers. You might be surprised to know that Ray West, Kanye’s dad, was also an ex-Black Panther and is now a Christian counsellor.

So, it is not that surprising that Kanye is following in his father’s footsteps away from his rebellious side to a more Christian role now that he is a father of four. In his interview with Zane Lowe, he says he’s drawing inspiration for a more secular role due to his daughter’s love of the Church.

The Number 27

Jesus is King clocks in at 27 min and 4 secs. Why?

What is the meaning behind number 27?

27 is an interesting number and it is the perfect cube of 3 x 3 x 3. Dark matter is assumed to make up 27% of the universe and also makes up 90% of the brain (grey matter).

27 just happens to be the number of books in the New Testament & there are also 27 Nakṣatra or lunar mansions in Hindu astrology.

Number 27 is the atomic number of cobalt & the atomic weight of the only stable isotope of aluminum. Both forms of these metals are used in dentistry. Kanye had his mouth wired shut after a car accident in 2003 after which he recorded, “Through the Wire”.

27 is also the number of bones in the hand – See “Hands On” below.

From Affinity Numerology:

The numerology number 27 is about philanthropy and compassion in a cooperative atmosphere.

The number 27 is a wonderful number. The energies it represents makes the number kind-hearted, tolerant, intelligent, a team worker, and so very much wanting to see humanity better off than it is.

27 endeavors to inspire others to support humanitarian groups and organizations, using its diplomatic skills and enticing them with a vision of an ideal. The groups and organizations are carefully chosen for their effectiveness.

A sense of fulfillment for 27 comes with others adopting its sense of idealism and actively helping to achieve that end.

The 27 essence contains:

the 9’s essence, such as being non-judgemental, humanitarian, and tolerant, plus a generous dose of the 2’s essence, such as cooperation, relationships, and diplomacy, and a dose of the 7’s essence, such as introspection, study, and spirituality.

The result is a unique essence.

https://affinitynumerology.com/number-meanings/number-27-meaning.php

According to the Secret of the Tarot…

Angel number 27 is a sign from your angels concerning your soul mission or calling in life. Our guardian angels are always there to provide us with the support and inspiration necessary to live up to our highest potential.

Angel number 27 is all about living a purpose-driven life. When you see this potent angel number appearing in your daily life, know that your angels and the Ascended Masters are telling you to have faith and trust that you are on the right path.

https://thesecretofthetarot.com/angel-number-27/

On Finding God

First scare: car crash

Kanye was taken to the Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, mentioned in the song, Through the Wire, as “the same hospital where Biggie Smalls died,” and had his jaw wired to his face in reconstructive surgery. Two weeks after being admitted to hospital, he recorded the song at the Record Plant Studios with his jaw still wired shut. Consequence recalls West started rapping the lyrics to the song three days after the accident.

The song’s title refers to the wires used to hold his broken jaw together. When asked about how the incident changed his music, West stated:

Well, the only thing this accident’s saying is, “I am about to hand you the world, just know at any given time I can take it away from you.” To nearly lose your life, to nearly lose your mouth, your voice, your whole face, as a rapper…and I had to be on TV! My face looks crazy to me now… But I have to just thank God for the situation that I am in… “Through The Wire” is the worst thing that could’ve possibly happen to me, and now it’s obviously the best thing. Look how it exploded!

Second scare: Trump Backlash

Backlashes over his erratic behaviour, the anniversary of his mum’s death, his wife getting robbed, his comments on slavery & his support of Trump all proved to be too much emotionally and put him in a hospital. No-one knows quite for sure what happened in the hospital, but he has emerged as a born-again Christian.

youtube

There are many, many problems with taking the bible literally and Kanye proves another one in the video above when he talks about taking his own eye out.

I googled it & it looks like this is from Matthew 5:29 and concerns “adultery”:

New International Version “If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.”

Selah

Selah is likely to mean “to praise” or “pause and reflect upon what has just been said.” Lauryn Hill used this name for her daughter.

“Selah” is the name of a city from the time of David and Solomon.

In Islam and in Arabic generally, Salah (also pronounced Ṣalāt) means prayer, and Selah means connection. Both words come from the same original root Sel which means connect.

‘Ye makes a number of references to the bible when talking about freedom from slavery in Selah.

“Closed on Sunday” makes a good point about Capitalism, but, why is he still brand name dropping a junk food store, Chic Fil-A, a fast food chicken chain?

Did he get paid to sneak this in or is he looking for sponsors?

It’s also a sneaky back reference to a line in “N***as in Paris” when he was in a different mindset. Maybe he is trying to tie a past hit record to this song. A powerful mind trick.

“She said ‘Ye can we get married at the mall? I said look you need to crawl ‘fore you ball Come and meet me in the bathroom stall And show me why you deserve to have it all (Ball so hard) that shit cray, (that shit cray) ain’t it Jay? (Ball so hard) what she order? (What she order?) Fish fillet”

“On God” is where he gets the realest, actually raps and he gives his reasons why he supports Trump… and it comes down to… taxes & prison reform (lines highlighted in bold below).

“”How you get so much favor on your side?” “Accept Him as your Lord and Saviour,” I replied Thou shalt love thy neighbor, not divide I’ma ride, that’s on God His light shine the brightest in the dark Single mothers know they got my heart And all my brothers locked up on the yard You can still be anything you wanna be Went from one in four to one in three Thirteenth amendment, gotta end it, that’s on me He the new commander and the chief That’s on Keef, that’s on God Before the ranch, I had horses in the garage When the Forbes cover was just a mirage They had me chasin’ statues, that’s on pride “Oh my God,” Bust said that’s on Tribe When I thought the Book of Job was a job The Devil had my soul, I can’t lie Life gon’ have some lows and some highs Before the Grammy’s ever gave a nod I wore my heart on my sleeve, I couldn’t hide In ’03, they told me not to drive I bleached my hair for every time I could’ve died But I survived, that’s on God I’ve been tellin’ y’all since ’05 The greatest artist restin’ or alive That’s on L.A. Reid, that’s on Clive That’s no Jive, that’s on God Off the 350s He supplied The IRS want they fifty plus our tithe Man, that’s over half of the pie I felt dry, that’s on God That’s why I charge the prices that I charge I can’t be out here dancin’ with the stars No, I cannot let my family starve I go hard, that’s on God”

“Hands On” is another interesting record.

This is what a police office often yells whilst pulling people over for DWB – “Hands on the hood”!

‘Ye points out the unfairness of black people being thrown into prison over misdemeanors and the three strike rule. Then he calls out the 13th amendment again.

“Got pulled over, see the brights What you doin’ on the street at night? Wonder if they’re gonna read your rights Thirteenth Amendment, three strikes Made a left when I should’ve made a right Told God last time on life Told the devil that I’m going on a strike Told the devil when I see him, on sight I’ve been working for you my whole life Told the devil that I’m going on a strike I’ve been working for you my whole life Nothing worse than a hypocrite Change, he ain’t really different He ain’t even try to get permission Ask for advice and they dissed him Said I’m finna do a gospel album What have you been hearin’ from the Christians? They’ll be the first one to judge me Make it feel like nobody love me They’ll be the first one to judge me Feelin’ like nobody love me Told people God was my mission What have you been hearin’ from the Christians? They’ll be the first one to judge me Make it feel like nobody love me Make you feel alone in the dark and you’ll never see the light Man, you’re never seein’ home and you never see the domes I can feel it when I write, point of livin’ in the right If they only see the wrongs, never listen to the songs Just to listen is a fight, but you booked me for the fight It’s so hard to get along if they only see the slight From the love of religion What have you been hearin’ from the Christians? They’ll be the first one to judge me Make it seem like nobody love me I’m not tryna lead you to Visas But if I try to lead you to Jesus We get called halfway believers Only halfway read Ephesians Only if they knew what I knew, uh I was never new ’til I knew of True and living God, Yeshua The true and living God (Somebody pray for me)”

The 13th Amendment

Passed by Congress on January 31, 1865, and ratified on December 6, 1865, the 13th amendment abolished slavery in the United States and provides that “Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction.”

Some prisoners in eight states—Alabama, Arkansas, Florida, Georgia, Mississippi, Oklahoma, South Carolina and Texas—are not paid at all for their labor in government-run facilities.

The national average for inmates receiving the least compensation for their maintenance work in these prisons is 14 cents per hour, according to the non-profit Prison Policy Initiative. The countrywide average for those receiving the most for the same type of labor is 63 cents per hour. Inmates in Minnesota and New Jersey can receive the highest hourly rate for prison maintenance jobs: $2 per hour.

Note: Kanye wants prison labourers to make his shoes. It will be interesting to see what he will pay them.

Anyway, back to the music. Kanye employs Jewish saxophonist Kenny G on “Use This Gospel”, but fortunately for Kenny, there is no mention of Jesus on the track. I wonder how much flack Kenny G will get from the Jewish fundamentalists for appearing on the track?

It’s seems to me like Kanye wants to sit back and be a director, producer and preacher now whilst letting someone else take over with the rapping and singing.

I think being a rapper was getting in the way of his “mission”. Creating a church will increase his power and wealth to get done what he wants to get done… whatever that is.

I can imagine youtube being flooded over the coming years with covers such as this. He wants his music received by a much larger audience and after watching the Dame Dash interview with Adam22, it looks like this might have all been orchestrated for a long time.

youtube

Let’s see if he continues down this path and where it leads or whether he’s still “on strike with the Devil” and will be back to his old self. It seems to me at the moment, his biggest hurdle will be getting his wife on board with this new lifestyle.

I can think of a few places Kanye will be welcome with open arms right now though, such as The Philippines.

I feel like this album is a stocking filler for later albums. He’s just testing the water to see which ones connect with the public. I’m not sure the songs on this album are strong enough to stand the test of time, but I think this is just a warm up, plus it will get major airplay in the “Bible Belt”, especially “Use This Gospel”.

The post Kanye West & Numerology as Jesus the King Hits #1 appeared first on Hip Hop World Music.

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