#the line is blurry and we know it is! we were talking abt that on the bus actually

[infini-tree]

now for something completely different (and something of a third anniversary post)!

as i’ve stated once in a while about the music room scene in the comic: it was one of several scenes i’ve been extremely excited to draw. its gone through a lot of revisions, which is detailed here.

it, along with captain’s first appearance was literally one of several reasons why this part of sticky notes au exists as a comic as opposed to just writing it as a fanfic. sure, it may have taken less time to write, but words can’t really compare to the buildup, gutpunch, and subsequent tone shift that came with that one scene.

i’ve literally been revising this one specific part since october 2020, which puts into perspective as to how long i agonized over it (for reference, the scene went live online in fall 2022*). so have that process to the lead-up to the snap.

* (disclaimer: a good chunk of the scene was in my drafts for months prior to its posting, but you get the idea.)

late 2020 (pics 1-2): 

the original plan was for krupp to fall. i never figured out how or why-- maybe he just slipped on some vc-barf! i think some versions had him additionally fall back into the stairs as a result of that. but in that moment the boys just took advantage of that moment and snapped their fingers to switch him over before he hit the ground. this was also back when krupp also knew the method of switching, hence his hands in the first pic.

early 2021 (pics 3-5): 

still had the concept of krupp knowing about snapping, but i swapped it to the idea to him learning it right at the moment before he switches over in the coming months. early sticky notes krupp and captain are learning how this works and having their initial assumptions about the other challenged, so i figured it would be the more appropriate story beat for the whole thing at the time.

i don’t remember the context of the comic thumbnails in the 4th photo, i think i was just playing with how the snap itself was going to be illustrated. but the right panel was a different version of it. krupp was initially supposed to say... something. i don’t think i planned that out in specifics, but the point was that he was supposed to be genuinely afraid. the hand was going to come into view, and was blurry. when it snaps, the hand is the one in focus and krupp is blurry. the change in focus is all symbolic. here’s my original commentary on the subject:

theres going to be a future page where the boys start talking but it just continues to linger on krupp's pov for a lil bit and how he feels abt the boys just being v casual and callous about the fact that theyre making him fight a monster (semantics about how its CAPTAIN whos gonna fight notwithstanding)

before yanking the pov back to the boys for some sweet sweet dissonance

a version of this dissonance does make it in the final comic, so there’s that.

2022 (pics 6-9): 

we’re almost there folks. the trio of poses (and gif made of those 3 poses) was from a version of events that had less block-busting. basically, the gag eel was at the door much sooner, and running out of options, the boys essentially say “the stealthy [prank] option isn’t working, he’s dry enough, we have to do it now”. krupp is confused and panicked on the fact that there’s a monster and this whole bit in the music room was a set-up. 

he starts panicking and hurling accusations/theories about how they did it. he even had a throwaway line along the lines of “did you steal one of melvin’s inventions [to make me into captain]”. that line was immediately scrapped since mentioning him felt a little out of left field at this point of the story and i wanted to keep the scope small.

while in this version of the thumbnails, the frames were meant to gradually zoom in to krupp’s face, i did do a set of full body poses just in case i did want something more than a waist up... mostly to make sure if krupp’s pose and hand placement could be feasible

note the fact that he’s covering his head but not his ears. he’s really working off of assumptions

#mells draws a thing #captain underpants #sticky notes au #anyway sticky notes is 3!!! wild #anyway THROWS commentary at you

[spritehouse]

been switchy/blurry all day so here's some more did!luke brain rot

CW: dissociation, past religious trauma/abuse

also, for simplicity, i'll be referring to luke, the alter, as just "luke" and the whole system collectively as "Luke"

1. luke has very heavy amnesia while he's away from the front. in the past i've talked abt him with 1b because that's what we have, but i've changed my mind.

almost never has any memory from times he isn't fronting. he has the most amnesia out of all the system members he knows of, and also has very limited access to the innerworld.

2. luke has virtually no memories of trauma, pre-rangers. after joining the army, this line got crossed and he retained memories of traumatic events while in the rangers. prior to this, any time he was fronting during a traumatic experience, that memory would be taken from him or he'd split to take it.

3. alters! here are some concepts i have:

luke, host: the Luke most similar to the character from the show. he is the result of an integration between the "original" host, luke, and the system's old primary protector. they integrated at some point while they were in the rangers to help with protection at that time, which is why luke retained memories from that period.

noah, primary protector: absolute people pleaser, can talk his way out of almost anything. formed to tell people what they want to hear to get the system out of danger with a level head, but also capable of physically protecting himself. formed shortly after the integration of their old host and primary protector

lucy, persecutor: while not religious herself, her views are very "catholic" to mimic their abusers*. she's likely young, probably mid-late teens, though no one in the system has very good communication with her.

*persecutors are formed to copy abusers as a way for the brain to take control of its abuse (ie. persecutors might hurt the body in similar ways past abusers have so then at least it's "by their own hand" and thus in more control)

4. Luke was left-handed. idk at what age kids Get their dominant hand, but Luke was showing signs of being a lefty and their abusers Didn't Like That so their brain created primarily right-handed alters to protect itself. lucy is one of the only (known) left-handed alters.

5. always writing things down. a combination of adhd and amnesia means they're always forgetting something, so all of their work spaces are covered in multicolored sticky note reminders (+ spencer helps out and reminds them of stuff a lot)

#lex hcs #criminal minds #luke alvez #luke alvez headcanon

[asfdhgsdkjhgb]

i am covered in someone elses body glitter

#things i could make into poetry if my brain worked differently #friend i like wears a lot of glitter on his face as part of the makeup he does n we hung out after school today (primarily legit just to #cuddle n so we didnt have to go home n be around parents) and i now have so much glitter on me #especially like on my face n shit from leaning against him #im not complaining im just noting it down #i sparkle a bit now n i find it incredibly endearing #i find him incredibly endearing #god that was cheesy lmao #like truer words but so cheesy #also im just now realizing i missed so many opportunities to make flirtatious jokes this is so sad #anytime he did something adorable i did the ''lil baby lil baby man'' thing bc it annoys him (jokey type of annoyance not legitimate) #and on multiple occasions he was like shut up no shut up or i will make you shut up and BRO I SHOULDVE SAID ''then make me'' #smh no thoughts head empty :pensive-cowboy: #sad day for the frog community #homoerotic friendship that borders on non-friendship my beloved #the line is blurry and we know it is! we were talking abt that on the bus actually #frogs down bad

[gyuphorias]

yeonjuns partner calling him after an argument but he told her not call him while he spends some time to himself or its over but she still calls him anyway

oh yall are in ur feelings tonight huh? was listening to only by lee hi and reading the lyrics while thinking abt this and the lines that start with "i'll be better to you" really stood out because i think ultimately, you do want to get better and you want to be able to treat him better.

this argument was explosive, a civil conversation turning yelling match that ended up with yeonjun walking right out, not even looking back at you as you stood in your living room. before he left, he told you to not call him, to not send a text, to not show up at the dorms looking for him because he needed time to himself to calm down. he told you that if you did, he'd leave you, that it would be over for good. he told you that if you trusted him, really trusted him like you said you did, that you would give him the time and space he needed and that he'd come back to you.

but you've never been one to listen to him all that much, so it doesn't come as much of a surprise when three days later, his phone starts ringing and your name and the cute contact picture he put are plastered across his screen. he's in the middle of choreographing a dance; it'll never see the light of day, just something to help him vent his frustrations with the argument and the guilt he feels for leaving you alone in your apartment and for doing it, even though he knew was best for him in that moment.

he opts to let the call go unanswered. if it's truly important, you'll call again. if not, you'll leave a voicemail or send him a text, despite his threat to leave you. he's right because a few minutes later, the new voicemail notification pops up on his screen. he ignores it again, trying to decide whether or not he should listen to it, whether or not he'll stick with his word.

he loves you, he really does, but you have to learn that he has boundaries and he needs his own personal space. he knows it was harsh though, threatening to leave you like he did, and only made in the heat of the moment because he was mad and was saying anything that came to mind before he could stop himself.

once he's finally tired himself out, he sits down and decides to listen to your voicemail. there's a lot of crying and broken off words because of it, but he can tell how mature you're trying to be despite it all.

you tell him that you know he told you he'd leave you if you called, but that you just wanted him to know that you were sorry. without him there to liven up your apartment, you did a lot of self reflection and realized the things you'd done wrong and that you needed to work on. you said that if he still wanted to break up, that was fine because he needed to do what was best for himself, but that you just wanted him to know that you loved him more than anything and no matter what he decided to do, you always would love him.

he ends up crying in the practice room, eyes blurry as he sends you a text. still need a few days, but we can talk soon. he means it.

#🌙 — talking to the moon #🌓 — half moon #🌓 — txt #yeonjun x reader #yeonjun angst #txt x reader #txt angst #can yall tell im obsessed w song fics #it's bad bad

[glimmerglanger]

ok wild prompt ignore if u feel loke it but i just read "is that a knife in your thigh or you just happy to see me?" and immediately thought of Obi-Wan (bc i am always thinking abt him lets be real)

DJFKSLDFJ Did I have a jolt of inspiration for this in the middle of a work project? Yes. Did I take a break to jot it all down before I forgot? Also yes!

Anyway! This is a little pre-obikin fic. Set during the Clone Wars. Mentions of injuries (someone got stabbed in the leg, after all) and a rescue attempt that went very wrong. Sillier than it sounds, I think.

~~~~~

“Is that a knife in your thigh,” Obi-Wan slurred, as Anakin bent over him, swearing under his breath, “or are you just happy to see me?”

Anakin stopped for a moment, gaping down at Obi-Wan, who flashed him a wide grin, apparently unrepentant. Anakin decided to blame the comment on whatever the kriff the Separatists had dosed Obi-Wan with before Anakin managed to find him.

“It’s a knife,” Anakin told him, biting the words out and putting both hands on Obi-Wan’s head, because it was the only way to make him stay still. Anakin checked his eyes. His pupils were blown, no sign of blue around the edges of his eyes. He frowned, ignoring the pain radiating out of his leg. “You put it there, remember?”

“Oh, yes,” Obi-Wan said, expression abruptly going serious. He was still tugging on Anakin’s arms, uncoordinated. Anakin had a feeling Obi-Wan had been aiming for his gut, not his thigh. “Sorry about that.”

“I know you didn’t mean it,” Anakin told him, though that wasn’t….quite true. Obi-Wan had obviously meant to stab someone. Probably whoever had done this to him. Anakin wasn’t entirely sure what this was, only that Obi-Wan was...obviously not himself. And that he was hurt. “Can you stand?”

“Do I have to?” Obi-Wan asked. He was tugging Anakin’s collar to one side. Anakin resisted the urge to roll his eyes, using the Force to push aside the throbbing pain in his leg. He’d seen Obi-Wan get like this a few times, usually after he was given pain killers.

They affected him...oddly.

“Yes,” Anakin said, trying to lift Obi-Wan’s hands away from his clothes. “I can’t carry you. You stabbed me in the leg.”

“We could take the knife out,” Obi-Wan suggested, and Anakin just barely managed to catch his wrist as he reached down.

“We’re not going to do that,” Anakin told him, though there was an immediate temptation to the idea. It was instinct to want to pull out the thing that caused so much pain. But it would be a terrible idea in their situation.

Currently, the knife was the only thing keeping his blood inside his body. It wasn’t doing a great job, but removing it would make things much worse. He was pretty sure Obi-Wan had nicked something important. 

Obi-Wan pouted up at him. Anakin ignored the expression, looking him over and trying to get a better idea of how he was hurt. It was, at least, easy to assess his condition. The Separatists must have had him in bacta, based on how sticky he felt and the fact that he was barely wearing anything.

Anakin had no idea why they’d thrown Obi-Wan in this little cell. Or how he’d gotten a knife. He had a lot of questions that could be answered later. “Alright,” he said, shaking his head. The agony from his leg was making it hard to think. “You’re getting up, come on.”

“Sir, yes, sir,” Obi-Wan rasped, husky, and Anakin rolled his eyes. He focused on getting himself up, first, hissing as he tried to put any weight on his leg. Not only was he not going to be able to carry Obi-Wan out of here, it was feeling more and more likely that Obi-Wan was going to need to carry him. 

As far as rescues went, this wasn’t one he wanted recorded.

“Oh,” Obi-Wan said, as Anakin braced one hand on the wall, trying to stop his head from spinning. Kriffing blood loss. Kriffing Obi-Wan, stabbing him in the leg while Anakin was trying to rescue him, it was-- “You’re bleeding.”

“I am,” Anakin said, reaching a hand down. “Take my hand, you need to get up.”

Obi-Wan stared at him for another long moment and then stretched out his arm, wobbly. It took him two tries to grab Anakin’s hand, but then he managed to pull himself up. He swayed forward, into Anakin, who groaned in misery, biting his tongue and trying to avoid blacking out.

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan said, face mashed up against his shoulder. “Is a that a knife in your leg, or--”

“It’s a knife,” Anakin told him, ragged, “just like it was the first time you asked.” The room was spinning around. He thought he might be ill.

Obi-Wan patted at his sides and then asked, voice cracking, “You’re not happy to see me?”

Anakin was going to single-handedly tear apart every Separatist involved in whatever had been going on here. He swore breathlessly. “Of course I’m happy to see you,” he said, ignoring the way his leg was starting to feel very, very cold.

“Doesn’t seem like it,” Obi-Wan said, voice still quivering.

Anakin was also going to strangle whoever had developed whatever drug it was they’d given to Obi-Wan. Later. He swallowed, struggling for focus. “I’m so happy,” he said, through gritted teeth. “But I need your help to get out of here, right now.” 

Obi-Wan lifted his head at that, which was a mistake, because then he swayed to the side and almost went down. Anakin cursed, gripping him to keep him upright. “Kriff,” he said, hoping no one was around to see, “alright, you’re going to have to walk. And - and help me.”

“Ah,” Obi-Wan said, nodding jerkily. “Because of the knife.”

“Because of the knife,” Anakin agreed, and swallowed a shout when Obi-Wan immediately straightened, taking most of his own weight. He only swayed alarmingly for a moment before he reached out and grabbed Anakin, dragging an arm over his shoulder.

“Obi-Wan,” Anakin managed to pant out, as Obi-Wan took a swaying step towards the door, dragging him along. Obi-Wan made an agreeable, humming sound. “Next time I come to rescue you, maybe don’t stab me.”

“I’ll kiss it better,” Obi-Wan said, starting a jagged path down the hall, utterly unable to walk in a straight line. 

Anakin stared forward, his leg a dull throb and his vision starting to get a little blurry. He wasn’t sure he’d heard properly. His pulse was pounding very loudly in his ears. He asked, hearing a slur in his voice, “What?”

“Your thigh,” Obi-Wan said, readjusting his grip, taking a little more of Anakin’s weight. “Where the knife is. I’ll kiss it. It’ll be fine.”

Anakin considered that. It took a while to work all the way through the statements. He said, finally, “I don’t think that’ll help.”

Obi-Wan was quiet for a little while. They’d almost reached the end of the hall. There was a door there. And, with any luck, the ship Anakin had taken to come and rescue Obi-Wan was still out there. “Oh,” Obi-Wan said, finally, “I could kiss something else.”

“That sounds better,” Anakin told him, distantly aware that neither one of them should have been talking. But he didn’t have the energy to control his tongue. He felt...tired. And heavy. His body weighed as much as a small moon. He had no idea how Obi-Wan was dragging him along. “Why not my mouth?” he suggested, as the world wobbled around him. 

“Mm,” Obi-Wan hummed, nodding. “Alright, I’d like that,” he said, and Anakin laughed, just a little.

“Wait until I’m awake,” he advised, because if Obi-Wan really was going to kiss him, after all of this time, he’d like to be conscious for it. The world spun around again, as Obi-Wan shouldered his way through the door, over all the droid bodies Anakin had left behind on his way into the compound.

The sun beat down on his face. The ship was still waiting, ramp down. Anakin exhaled, relief carving away the last of his energy, and heard Obi-Wan make a concerned sound from somewhere far away.

#glimmer replies #ask me anything #ficlet #obikin #some injuries #blood loss #etc

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket, Se03, ep10 (part 1)

“ What to do? & how to do it? the answer & the method are so simple, so simple but difficult as hell. it was hard for me to get them, & that’s exactly why I treasure them/ makes them valuable”. kyo~ This is my favorite quote in all anime.

How many times a domestic abuse victim was told just leave this abusive partner? report them? easy. just make a call. Report your abusive parents? tell someone. easy. Just speak up. It is true. It is easy but difficult as hell. To believe it is your right to fight. No, to believe you deserve to fight. to Live. This abuse is not a punishment you must endure. Hope is not dead. How simple yet so difficult to do that. ugh! my heart!

- Seeing Death vs Facing Death: ( The abuser who was stopped):

Abuse is a form of slow death. An actual intentional murder of an innocent soul. Abusers suck the life out of their victims & kyo’s biological dad is the poster monster for that. His appearance:

thin deathly demeanor, lack of nourishment, excessive drinking, lack of desire get out of the abyss, wide eyes, tiny pupils, manic laughter. shaky body movement. pathetic outlook at things.

heavy breathing, lack of logic & distorted facts, blurry speech, bizarre mentality, toxic behavior, tendency to hurt, injure, both physically & verbally.

inability to grasp reality, desire for inflecting pain on others, finding joy in that as it justifies his entire toxic mentality.

Fear of being hurt like he hurt others & being paranoid since he KNOWS he should receive punishment.

Kyo stood watching this man spit, rage, shake, scream. The man from his past, the authoritative figure in his early tender years, the person who must always be right: a parent. Facing his dad, Kyo’s entire gradual change was fantastic:

Kyo went from feeling utter fear from this man, hatred towards him, grief at the loss of a father & a mother, to force himself to stand his ground & not leave” easy but difficult as hell“ , to talk ” easy but difficult as hell“ , to announce that isnt gonna die ” easy but difficult as hell“ to say I’m loved & I want to to be with someone ” easy but difficult as hell”

to then realize the source of his mom’s misery isnt him after all, but this jerk! & not crumble at this realization ” easy but difficult as hell“ to grief over his mom’s tragic life & still announce again that he’s anit throwing his life away ” easy but difficult as hell“ to still look at his dad with pity rather than immense hate & anger ” easy but difficult as hell“ to remove his hand & leave him behind in the past while he moves forward ” easy but difficult as hell“ to say “ i’ll come visit again, cuz I anit afraid of you anymore, I’m not running, but I’ll try to extend a hand if you wanna do the same one day. It is your choice to be the abuser who must be stopped or the one who is atoned! you can choose, dad! We heard his choice as kyo was leaving, didn’t we? locking himself in an eternal cage that he made for himself. After all, he is the monster in his own story by his own choice.

-Seeing death (1): Kyo watching his mom’s suicide is a traumatic experience especially considering she chose such a graphic way to exist this world. Kyo once said to tohru “ mom went flying”, he now said“ mom threw her life away” very graphic ways to explain her death both literally & figuratively. This alone coupled with his father accusing him, resulted in a 4 year old screaming” I’mma yuki & kill myself, this would make you happy, dad”. This explains kyo’s 2 meetings with yuki as kids“ I hate you” at the sohma estate, the 2nd meeting “ I hate you” at the street. Mimicking the toxic behavior of the dad. Why didn’t kyo mimic kazuma? cuz trauma doesn't work like that. Kids can live safely for time then one traumatic experience shatter their self-worth into an endless cycle of self-hurt, low self worth & anger issues or withdrawal. The writing that set kyo/yuki against each other is perfect.

-Seeing death (2): Kyo watching kyoko’s death hammers all the insecurities of child kyo deep down into teenage kyo. Kyoko too, went flying, blood everywhere. too much pain happening again, crashing hope & killing his fighting spirit over & over. Be with tohru? why? to kill her, too?

-Seeing death (3): Kyo watching tohru’s injured body. Yup. You caused this. not by pushing her or failing to catch her. No. but by hurting her with harsh words. by forcing her away from you.

-Facing death (1): Kyo facing his dad, the symbol of deadly-abuse. To stand & announce to live is huge. -Facing death (2): refuse death: being caged till death, -Facing death (3): To say, I wanna be loved & love someone, life is not just being outside, heck! kyo was outside for 17 years! life is abt being with those who give it meaning! -Facing death (4): To not demand others to die as a punishment. Walking away from his dad without igniting the cycle of revenge & hate. ahhhhhhhhhh~~~  Chef’s kiss!

-Seeing eye to eye: ( I don’t need to be you, but I appreciate you):

Kyo & yuki toxic relationship has been ongoing since their birth. The moment kyo’s dad was dismayed that he got the cat of all zodiac & the moment yuki’s mom was delighted she got the rat of all zodiacs. From that moment it became: look how lucky the rat parents? You shamed me? Look how pitiful that cat? eww! stay away from his filth. The explosive nature of kyo’s tragic fate tainted him with the blood of his mom & the daggers of his father’s hateful words, while the nature of yuki’s sheltered & locked fate tainted him with fear & isolation. They meet & both carry out the feelings of rejection & hate all while envying the other. The toxic nature of their relationship consist of fights & condensing words. Tohru connected both. Through her, they became civil. Even talking abt perverted shigure. Now that she is hurt, they are lost without her. Their lives are empty.

Yuki’s “ kyo has his own pain & reasons”  (to not see tohru) is my fave line! even better than all the epic lines after they confess their feelings. cuz this like happened before they connect. it shows that, I see his pain, I get he has his reasons. But whatever issues he have shouldn’t hurt tohru. this is when yuki interferes in kyo’s choices. For tohru. This is also when kyo really allows him to. For tohru. Had tohru nor be part of the fight, kyo wouldn’t even engage in it & yuki wouldn’t initiate it.

-“I wanted to be you!” : Kyo said it first. I loved this so much! Cuz kyo said I hate you first! it is so fulfilling that the truth is now out. From kyo first. Cuz really... that hate was all toxic inheritance from a toxic father & a toxic system.

- “Why do you have to say it firs!” Yuki was mad, cuz he was struggling with it for the longest time. to be kyo. He even mused on how kyo interacted with ppl in school, got himself his own mini kyo. lol. studied how kyo filled tohru’s world just by existing. yuki can't do that for tohru. he looked for someone whom he could do that for! yuki/machi scene at her house paralleled kyo/tohru scene at her room when she was sick (se01, e023) & when they eating the somen together (se02, e02), yuki/machi chalk scene paralleled kyo/tohru scene at the beach where he coaxed tohru to tell her mom’s story (se02, e07). Yuki really was having a hard time finding his true self & accepting it without needing to learn from kyo. It is hard to say “ i admired you” after being rejected by you! so kyo saying it first helped yuki say his after. Also, both boys were hella shocked they admire each other. Like both were deeply shocked! stupid boys! XD

Side Notes:

Kyo’s confrontation with his dad is furuba’s most powerful scene & most well-written one! From the fear of facing him, to talking to him with low voice, to physically stopping him, to the exposed last piece of locked memory abt the mother, to the freedom gained by walking forward! Heck, even how it was weaved psychologically to perfectly mimic children’s self-defense mechanisms & children copying their parents theme. The realistic depiction of abusers both in their most powerfully menacing moment & in their weakest cowardly moment. Top-tier writing! Hands down my fave furuba scene! Can’t ask for better! Can’t even imagine better! genius- writing Takaya-san!

The boys had a necessary fight & confrontation & the yuki’s entire speech was valid & perfect speech. However, as usual, I’m not a fan of how violence is depicted in furuba. I was actually “warned/ ordered” by an anon to not “ sh*t” on the boys fight scene. I don’t know why someone who’d read my reviews would think i’d have anything but love for both boys. I criticize the writing not the characters. Also, furuba fans have always been good to me, I state my opinion frankly & they talk to me! “ talk!”. You don’t have to throw virtual fists over different perspectives on fiction. Talking kindly does magic, also having different opinions is natural & normal for humans.

I love yuki so much, he’s one of my top faves in furuba & I get why the boys would quarrel & throw fists. I get the history between them, the current state of mind, their emotions & mentality & I get it’s fiction & drama that needs its “ OMG” moment. However, I cringe when I see violence used as a bonding moment in fiction in general. That’s just me. I wish the fight was done in a more artistic style without showing that scene where yuki corned kyo & punched him in full view of the screen. (again not hating on yuki nor the fact that they needed to fight). I’m jus saying I didn't need to see a one-sided beat up from a character I love to another one I love. That’s just me again~ feel free to enjoy this moment to its fullest. It’s fiction & I’m not judging anyone at all, nor hating anyone from real life or fiction <3<3<3.

Yuki’s last piece of character development is in my part 2 review! Along with machi. Also, yuki’s Japanese VA was awesome!!

Also, let yuki have deep various facial expressions!!!! ugh! In the fight scene they did yuki so dirty with his hair covering his eyes all the time! then followed by low quality shots of him breathing! Why?! The voice acting sold the entire excellent emotional rage more than the animation! Yuki can look pretty even when mad, heck! screw looking pretty! just give him deep facial expressions to mach his feelings! boy was hella mad like he never was his entire life! always forced to wear a mask or be diplomatic! now he’s screaming his lungs out, you hide his face??? really?? Sigh~ the anime always do this wit yuki, replace facial expressions with hair on eyes or having his eyes without light. I wanna see them expressive eyebrows so bad!!!

Another powerful VA performance was both kyo’s dad VAs! both the Japanese (with his excessive breathing) & the English VA (with his range). They sold the mad abusive character! they gave me chills!

Also, I sound like a broken record, but kyo’s both VAs did phenomenon in the dad’s scene & tohru’s scene. Honestly, I only watch the dub to hear Jerry! I learned his name & would watch the dub for him!

Akito, Arisa, Kureno in part 2 of my review as well.

Shigure/yuki returning home scene is call back to ep1. Ok, everybody loves a call back scene & the full circle thingy. but C’mon! you dont have to copy everything! the walk, the scenery, its purpose, dialogue & all! The anime really took advantage of kyo being missing. XD

Tohru’s dress/top color matches the color of kyo’s old hat (The hat). symbolic of him finding her? As if he did find her when they were children? cool. I love this detail. But i do NOT love this color on tohru at all !! lol. it is so dull on her. The dress style/ design mimics her same dress in se01, ep26 as she was talking to kazuma & kyo fought him. Their first intimate moment after nearly loosing the other. Heck! tohru was even hurt on her hand as well. but the color was a nice pastel yellow. It suited tohru. The hat’s bluish-greenish color matches tohru’s own pajama at home!!!! & kureno’s hospital pajama! T_T... why couldn't the hat be red!!!! a color that both represent kyo & yuki! both were compared to red before~ oh well~~ minor issue~

#Fruits Basket #Anime Only #happy paper #final season #part 1

[clamofbeans]

Ya know, thinking about Tommy’s new stream and dreams whole “Wilbur will help me escape” thing, I’ve been confused.

We know for a fact that Wilbur doesn’t want to come back. He’s continuously said he really doesn’t want to come back and that he prefers being dead. Even in Tommy’s Resurrection stream when they’re talking Wilbur says that the server is better off without them and that if he were to be brought back things would probably go to shit again.

So why would he be part of dreams plan?

Maybe he isn’t, inherently.

With the most recent stream from Tommy we see ghostbur again and everyone is saying he’s a bit off (Whether it’s chalked up to being cc!Wilbur not having played the role for a while or it ends up becoming something is a different discussion). There’s a theory going around that voidbur and ghostbur are essentially just two halves of one whole. The good and the bad. We also know ghostbur’s views on good and bad have been pretty definite in where “eret and schlatt and alivebur are bad” and “everyone else is nice to me so they’re good!” But in the recent stream his views have shifted. He defends alivebur in a sense, he and as he says the line between hero and villain is blurry, he is overall just a bit off and different in his beliefs.

Maybe ghostbur is more part of the plan than voidbur?

Just a bit of a wild theory but really... voidbur doesn’t want to come back. Ghostbur wants voidbur to come back but is scared of “dying”. Phil wants Wilbur back too. Techno wants to help Phil and make sure Phil is happy. Techno owes dream a favor. And Dream wants to bring back Wilbur.

Idk take this and add onto it as you please but the new streams really got me thinking. (Not even getting into ranboos stream but yk yk add on with stuff abt that too)

#dream smp #wilbur soot #vilbur #ghostbur #voidbur #dream smp lore #dream smp theory #tommyinnit #ranboo #philza minecraft #Technoblade #dream

[thetriggeredhappy]

you said age twelve little scout pointed (/shot?) a goon who broke into their hotel room, was he scared? was spy there too? did he get hurt?

know what i just wrote a fic abt it.

(warnings for canon-typical violence, guns, blood, severe injury, and use of tranquilizer. any of that makes you worry, this is gonna be bad for you.)

-

Jeremy hovered by the door to the bathroom, fidgeting with his hat restlessly. “Do you need me to help?” he asked quietly, trying really hard not to let his voice shake.

Dad looked up at him with a tight smile and a slowly-blackening eye, hands momentarily pausing where he was unwrapping a roll of gauze. “Non, mon lapin, I think I can do this one on my own, thank you,” he replied, voice a little stiff.

“You got shot,” he said carefully, gaze drifting briefly to the wound on his leg that had seeped through the gauze before snapping away again as his throat tightened at the sight of it.

“It’s only a leg wound, this won’t kill me,” Dad assured calmly, starting to wrap the wound in quick motions. “That sort of wound rarely does, although I will admit that I’m a bit shaken up by it, and most likely concussed. A very rude man decided to hit me in the head with a plank of wood today. That was by far a more concerning wound. You’ve packed your bag already?”

“Yeah,” he agreed, fidgeting with his hat again.

“Good,” his Dad nodded, starting to tie off the gauze, breathing carefully. “You can take that to the car if you would like, and then you can help me with my own, oui?”

“Okay,” Jeremy nodded, and put his hat on and dashed off to get his backpack, pulling it off and scooping up the keys from the table before dashing down the stairs and out to the car.

He dumped his bag in the back seat and glanced up at the door, wondering if he should just take Dad’s bag down on his own, and froze mid-thought.

He’d closed the door behind him, hadn’t he? He was sure he did.

He tugged the brim of his cap.

He was much quieter going back up the stairs, kept close to the wall and tried to peer in through the door.

He heard two voices. He felt his hands starting to shake.

“I’m afraid I must have forgotten my manners,” Dad said in a voice he didn’t hear very much. He sounded pretty calm, but Jeremy knew he had to be really, really mad. “I don’t believe we’ve been properly introduced.”

“Well, personally I don’t think we’ve got much else to say,” the other voice said. It was a little deeper, and had a twang to it. “Here’s how this is going to work.”

“Or how you think this is going to work,” his Dad said.

Jeremy peered carefully around the doorframe. He could see just the very back of someone much taller and broader than his dad. Just the shoulders were visible. He was stood in the doorway into the bathroom, in a tense posture, and based on the fact that he was still standing there, he was probably armed.

And Dad had nowhere to go. He didn’t have a weapon in the bathroom with him.

Oh god.

“I’d quit trying to be so damn smart if I were you,” the man said, and took another step into the bathroom, and Jeremy started creeping forward, sneakers silent on the motel carpet. “Here’s what we’re gonna do. You’re gonna tell me where the boy is, and both of you are gonna get in the car, and you’re gonna have a little chat with my current employer about what exactly you’ve been up to for the past week and a half.”

“What boy?” his Dad asked quizzically, and Jeremy crept forward just enough to get the guy back in his line of sight again. He had a hat on, and a lot of hair besides. Jeremy couldn’t see his face.

“Don’t play dumb with me. The boy you’re traveling with,” the guy sneered. He could see his lip pulling back over his teeth, and it made his hands shake all the worse. “You’re gonna tell me where he is, because if you do, I won’t just shoot him as soon as I find him.”

Jeremy leaned forward just a bit further and could see that he was, in fact, holding a gun in one hand. And he had something in the other, too, something he couldn’t quite make out. Just a little further, and he could see his Dad. He didn’t so much as look at him.

“What a generous offer, there. I take it killing children is a hobby of yours?” Dad asked, raising his eyebrows.

“Do you really wanna play games right now, or are you going to answer my question?” the man asked back.

“Courez vers la voiture. I can assure you, I am not traveling with any sort of boy,” Dad laughed.

Jeremy frowned. He’d said the phrase like a sort of insulting nickname, but it wasn’t a name at all. He was panicking so hard that it took him a long few seconds to decipher the phrase.

‘Run to the car.’

They’d talked about this. There was a compartment in the car that was just big enough to fit him. If someone ever tried to attack him, and he didn’t think that wherever they were staying was safe, he was meant to run to the car and hide in there for as long as he thought he needed.

His hands were shaking. He made a choice.

“This is your last warning,” the man said, and clearly meant it.

“And this is the last time I’ll tell you, I have no idea what child you’re talking about,” Dad said firmly, not looking at Jeremy as he crept past the door to the room proper.

“Alright,” the man shrugged, and lifted his other hand, and Jeremy spotted some kind of syringe. “No skin off my back. You made your choice.”

He hurried as best he could to Dad’s bag, digging through it as fast as possible as he heard the sound of a struggle. There was a shout, the sound of some kind of close combat, a crunch, swearing, a second more panicked shout. He found what he needed and checked it over, hoped, hoped.

“You’ll go unconscious within a few minutes, with that,” the man’s voice came, underlined with anger but overall more smug than anything else. “I wouldn’t fight it if I were you. I’m only gonna wait a few minutes, and then if you aren’t under, I’ll do it with the butt of that there gun.”

“And I’ll knock another one of your teeth out, does that sound fair?” Dad said, and Jeremy peered back through the doorway again. He’d been knocked back into the bathtub, and was bleeding from the nose, and at some point around his hairline. And the man was facing towards him, and the handgun was on the counter just out of arm’s reach.

“H-hey,” Jeremy managed to squeak, and the man turned around, and his eyes landed on the handgun that was pointed straight at his head.

A brief pause. “Oh, isn’t this intimidating,” the man drawled. “A nine year old with a gun.”

“I-I-I’m twelve,” Jeremy choked out, and wished he could keep his voice steady, wished he wasn’t on the verge of tears. “Y-you get away from my Papa right now.”

“Or what?” the man asked, laughing a little.

“Or else I’m gonna shoot you with this fucking gun, dumbass, what, are you stupid?” he spat, trying hard to put bite into his words  and the man laughed again.

“You’re shaking in your boots,” he scoffed, and Jeremy looked at his Dad, not sure how to get this man to stop laughing at him. Dad looked terrified, even more than he had when he was the one with a gun pointed at his head.

“Papa, th-this is the man who hit you earlier?” he asked, just for confirmation. Dad nodded after a moment, but it was slow, foggy. He seemed sluggish, confused, like he was having trouble keeping his eyes open.

Dad wasn’t gonna be able to save him from this. He  couldn’t even help. He was all alone.

He blinked, and felt tears rolling down his cheeks. The man laughed again. “Oh, look, now the kid is crying. And you think that’s intimidating?”

Jeremy wished he wasn’t crying. It was making his eyesight blurry. At this rate, it was gonna fuck up his shot. A leg wound wouldn’t kill him, but it would make a point.

He aimed the gun and pulled the trigger.

It kicked back hard, and he winced at it, wanting to rub the shock out of his arms, but he didn’t, knew he couldn’t lower the weapon. The man, meanwhile, shouted, hands immediately going to the point of impact, mirth gone in an instant. “You little son of a fucking bitch! You fucking SHOT me!” he hollered, gripping at his knee, blood starting to leak through his fingers rapidly.

“I’m not saying it again,” Jeremy spat, lip pulling back in a sneer. “Get away from my Papa or lose the other goddamn kneecap.”

A pause as he took great, heaving, shuddering breaths, and then he was trying to stagger forward. Jeremy stepped back to maintain the distance between them, and the man paused at the doorframe to glare at him with the most venom and rage he’d ever seen on a human face before. Then he was staggering forward further, leaning heavily on anything he could get within reach of. Jeremy followed him out the door, kept the gun trained on him as he went down the stairs to his car. He paused at the car door, and Jeremy fired a round into the car to make a point. It shattered the passenger side window, and that made his point, and the man scrambled into his seat and peeled out of the parking lot before the door was even shut properly.

He sprinted back into the room, discarding the gun on the counter and going to his Dad. “Papa?” he tried, voice pleading, and damn it, he was crying again, because his eyes were closed and the bruise looked so much worse than it did before. “Papa, c’mon, please wake up. Please!”

He had to shake him by the shoulders pretty hard before he blearily blinked his eyes open. “A-ah, mon lapin, I am, very sorry,” he managed to wheeze, so weakly. “This man... caught me, off guard, a bit. I’m not sure what was... in the syringe. Some sort, of... somnifère. What is the word?”

“Knocks you out?”

“Nearly,” Dad agreed. “Nearly. I’m... going to be... weak, for a while. I... need you to, do something for me.”

“Y-yeah?”

“I need... you to continue, to be very brave. And I need, for you to keep that gun. And lock the door. And make sure that... nobody else breaks in. And as soon as I’m... alright again. We will leave. And... talk about things. You are... very brave, and I’m proud of you, and... I’m sorry, that this happened.”

“Are you gonna be okay?” he asked quietly.

“Oui. I will... be fine.”

“Promise?”

“Promise,” he agreed right away, and Jeremy sniffled and leaned in for a hug. Dad tried to hug him back, even if it was weak and a little awkward. “It will be alright.”

“I was really scared,” he admitted, voice tight.

“Are you scared now?” Dad asked quietly.

He thought about it. “...Not really.”

“Good.” He shifted, and Jeremy pulled back. “Will you be able to do what I asked?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright.” Dad flashed him a tight smile. “You’ll do just fine, Jeremy.”

“Okay,” he said, and inhaled, and exhaled, and picked up the gun again.

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #dad!spy #shut up me #my fanfiction #everybody talks #father-son bonding AU #tf2 AU

[tyrannuspitch]

been reading abt this one genetic study and it is rlly interesting but also bc using modern genetics to infer stuff abt history is something i'm Aware you have to be Cautious of it does kind of result in me having Knowledge that i don't feel entirely comfortable thinking of as Knowledge. which is a v weird state of mind. esp when some of the original phrasing was already really cautiously vague.

(cut to ramble abt boring things i am in no way qualified to teach)

like okay time to ramble: i found it bc as part of a long slowburn identity crisis i got rlly frustrated with what little i know of history & not having a clue where to place myself in it - like, england has had so many different waves of migration and changes of regime, and also aristocracy-focused history isn't always good at even distinguishing between those, and if we don't even know which of those groups we're descended from... do we know anything??? (eg: fucking druids wld be talking abt The Old Ways and i'd be sitting here like. okay even if you weren't glorified wiccans, are they "the Old Ways"? are they??? is that our history or someone else's entirely? like, literally, i don't have any particular interest in doing this, but if i theoretically WERE to try and return to the religion of my prechristian ancestors, should i reconstruct druidry or heathenry or smthn else entirely?)

SO i basically wanted to ask how much, if at all, are the modern english descended from the various groups who have lived here. Who The Fuck Actually Are We

and i did basically get a cautious answer! (after finding better scicomm than the fucking guardian, which didn't even take enough care to clearly separate "english and cornish" from "british". fuck the guardian.) the actual conclusions we can pretty safely draw re: this question are:

1. the modern english have a v high level of similarity with other peoples of the uk (the study said "british isles" but roi was not counted), much of which appears to be v ancient dna, which means the genetic evidence directly contradicts the old theory that the anglo-saxons completely displaced/wiped out the britons of england. which is nice. love when my ancestors do not commit genocide on my other ancestors

2. the genetic "clusters" in england and cornwall showed a significant minority of dna (less as you travel north) theorised to be anglo-saxon - "between 10% and 40%". which, like i was saying, is both Information and Non Information. "congratulations participants, you're helping our understanding of history evolve bc you're def partly descended from the ancient britons but you also appear to have some anglo-saxon ancestry!" "oh cool. how much?" "oh you know... some". i know it doesn't matter in the real world but sjfkflshlk damn historic population geneticists u live like this? (they weren't even saying "25% +/- 15%". didn't even give us an average. just like. somewhere in this range lol)

(okay actually i am in Explaining Mode so here goes. afaict part of the problem is they're not even sure which common ancestry to be counting. only clusters in england/cornwall have any northern german common ancestry, but everyone in the uk has danish common ancestry - BUT the danish dna is significantly higher than average in groups w n.german dna. so the problem is: what's ancient, what's anglo-saxon, could any of it be viking? we just don't know.)

(they might have been able to tell by dating it but idk if they tried. and also some of their other dating was coming out Wonky - eg iirc the n.german dna is mostly dated to abt 300 years after anglo-saxon migration ended. so what's going on? did the two communities just take a v long time to integrate, or is something afoot?)

(also, of course - england is pretty genetically homogenous but there is still Some variety by region in this genetic component so making a sweeping statement abt "the english" is hard.)

3. there is a Mystery ComponentTM that makes up a larger segment than the alleged anglo-saxon dna, is found in england, scotland and northern ireland BUT not wales (so it's not just Basic British Ingredients), and matches northern france? i think they're guessing prehistoric migration for that. idk if they dated it. Hmmmm. ~Mystery DNA~

4. methodological info if you're concerned: they used participants from rural areas whose grandparents had all been born in the 50mile radius from them, so region-specific info should be p trustworthy, and the sample size was over 2000. they also found their "clusters" algorithmically and then plotted them back onto the map, so there shouldn't be confirmation bias there.)

(if i *were* to complain, looking at their map... scotland and wales have some gaps in them. some significant gaps.)

5. smthn we might genuinely be concerned abt in the analysis of these results - are we taking the results from places we know to have a historical migration as more meaningful than those we don't? looking at the results shows me every single cluster has a small but significant portion of common ancestry with modern belgium, maybe 1/12. (i'm looking at blurry pie charts, that's my best guess lol.) no analysis i've read has mentioned it.

on the other hand - idk anything abt the history of belgium but i wld not be at all surprised if their genetics were basically somewhere between germany and france, and we've already discussed both those places.

plus, possibly more relevantly - they DID scan for similarities with various other countries in europe and didn't find them. eg, no signficant/detectable common ancestry with the finnish. so if it's showing up at all, let alone as 10% or more, it's more than just random noise.

so it's knowledge but it's not knowledge but it's /more/ knowledge than not knowledge? yeah. i'm having a great time

6. assorted fun(?) facts for those who made it this far:

-the most unique place genetically they found was orkney (note: there were no participants from shetland), who showed ~25% norwegian ancestry, followed by wales, who as we remember have no Mystery DNA.

-the differences between cornwall and devon were minor, but they were definitely there and they followed modern county line p much perfectly!

-there were two different clusters in northern ireland and the west of scotland, but they DIDN'T break down into ireland vs scotland. it looked more like it might be a highland/lowland gael/gall thing. i don't know if they checked if the n.irish respondents were catholic or protestant but uhh probably better not to all things considered

-no matter how minutely you break down genetic differences, there is a large group covering much of england that is basically homogenous. you can tell genetically which island in orkney someone's from, but you can't tell the difference between people from north yorkshire and people from kent.

okay this has been a poorly explained ramble if you'd like to read the damn thing yourself it's this: https://peopleofthebritishisles.web.ox.ac.uk/population-genetics

nb that is their website for laypeople, i've looked at a few different interpetations of this but i haven't looked at the actual paper (yet? dk if i can be bothered going deeper. we'll see)

[griffinsmith]

jackall and/or ms vizzini for the ask game if you haven't done them already!

Anon I love you thank you for giving me another chance to talk abt these characters that live in my head rent free. Imma do both

favorite thing about them

Jackall – Im so lame but my favorite thing abt jackall is probably his voice? Like whoever read his lines for the game took it just the right amount of serious, and I really do love how many fluctuations there are in his sentences. Thank you anonymous voice actor I salute you

 Margherita – Probably her design! She’s so pretty and I love the usage of a female dueling unicorn in Marleybone. I also love her spunk, shes a girlboss

least favorite thing about them

Jackall – Ok other than the fact that he shows up once with a slightly blurry backstory, probably the fact that hes so annoyingly hard to fight. I do really want to do barkingham again but I really really don’t want to slog through the super lengthy Jackall fight and millions of cheats.

 Margherita – Just like Jackall (kinda), the fact that she shows up once and never again. She gets beaten and gets hauled away to Newgate. I wish we got a little follow up or something on her being there (along with jackall n the other people who were hired by him in barkingham). HOWEVER I do think its funny that she shows up as a wand may cast and I need the dragoons rapier for this reason alone

favorite line

Oh wow these are very close to each other in the dialogue tree I wonder why hmm

Jackall – “Lets see if my most trusted lieutenant, the dashing and dangerous Margherita Vizzini, can deliver my point”. Just picking this one bc I really like how its said and its like…2 seconds before jackall tells margherita shes a dumbass and sends her to jail. Love to see it

 Margherita – “Next time ill have to fight you with my right hand…” This one is my favorite purely because margherita has like 6 lines and it implies that not only did she fight the young wizard with her non dominant hand but also that it severely hindered her performance.

brOTP

Hhnng.. each other…. I know they don’t get along by the end of the dungeon but I think that Margherita really was Jackall’s most trusted lieutenant (whatever that means in this context) and that they were bros. Homies. Being mildly evil together

OTP

HNGH.. ALSO EACH OTHER.. Obviously only post barkingham and them like getting close again after what happened with jackall sending margherita to prison. I don’t have critical thinking skills does it show yet

nOTP

Gah I don’t really have one for either! Just nothing gross ig

random headcanon

Jackall – He is the middle child of 7 (purely bc I think its slightly funny even though its not) and his family has roots in enchanting objects and making potions, although he is the best at tinkering of said family.

 Margherita – Along with being a master of opera at the Opera Nova school in Valencia, Margherita also works there as a teacher! She’s got an amazing voice and uses it to help the opera singers of the future. She also helps them hone in their dueling spells and rarely ever loses a duel

unpopular opinion

Since both characters are so obscure there really are not any popular opinions to begin with but my hottest take is that neither one of them (specifically jackall) has a very angsty past or a bloody one. I am..not a big fan of angsty backstories so that’s why in my content I don’t make them into angst machine

song i associate with them

I have a (small) playlist for both characters so ill pick an ironic and unironic song for both

Jackall – Ironic song choice is My Ordinary Life by the living tombstone and unironic song choice is Low Beam by Her’s. First ones just because hes a lil full of himself and second one is because in my au hes still on the run from the law and hes an idiot

 Margherita- Ironic song choice is Stupid Horse by 100 Geccs and unironic is Ace in the Hole by Saint Motel. Honorable mention for either slot is Rat by Penelope Scott bc uh getting betrayed by your friend aint cool  

 favorite picture of them

Combed through my laptop to get these pictures. Please excuse my character in the first one, shes just there vibing and when i cropped her out the pic looked funny but anyway i like how they both look in these and thats all i have to say

#ask #barkingham posting #I was hoping someone would ask me for these guys lol #also love how u called her ms vizzini. so proper

[sexysideoftheforce]

Mutual Diversion

Chargestep smut. 1k. I think I took out all my dumb notes? Ricardo/Octavia

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“Hey, what are you doing here?” Ortega leans in for a kiss. You give him a quick peck and sidestep his attempt at more. You’re here to keep him distracted but that doesn’t mean you have to give in to everything. “I just wanted to stop by.”

“Aw, you wanted to see me. You missed me.” He leans in to kiss you again and you smack him lightly on the lips.

“I resent how you didn’t say that like a question.”

Ignoring his smirk, you walk further into the building, catching his hand as he reaches for you, and let him intertwine your fingers.

By now you don’t need him to lead you around. Not that memorizing floor plans has ever been hard for you. You can drag him along behind you instead of being dragged. You can sway your hips a little bit more than needed and know he’s behind you looking.

(You saunter saunteringly into Ortega’s office. “Wanna fuck?” You ask.)

You’ve learned you’re a temptation Ortega can’t resist. It’s to manipulate him, you keep telling yourself. Keep your enemies closer. Right? Even if it doesn’t fit with how your thoughts linger on him. How you can’t stop remembering how soft his hair had been all those years before when you used to run your fingers through it. It looks just as soft now.

It’s to manipulate him. So you visit him at work, bringing coffee and food and idle conversation.

And kisses.

Like now, you lean back against his desk and look at him through half lidded eyes. Smiling and pretending that this is pretending. When he kisses you, holds you a little too tight a little too right you sink into his arms. You suck his lower lip into your mouth and give it a gentle bite.

More making out

The words you mumble against his lips as he rubs his hand over the front of your jeans aren’t as planned out and calculated against your plans as they should be, more pure feeling bubbling up out of your lips and spilling out like acid.

Acid that will eat you up just like -

Best to throw that thought away. Away with thoughts of blood and lies. Focus.

The first time was a slip up. You were so starved and couldn’t think of a reason not to stay on that couch. Now it’s okay though because it’s all an act. A part of your plan. Keep him distracted. Keep him looking at you with lust instead of suspicion.

His teeth nip at your collar, a string of Spanish you can’t really make out when you slide your own hand down to touch him. You can’t help but smile when you feel he’s hard already, it’s a heady mix of pride and lust at knowing you’re the cause. He’s not shy about telling you what to do, what helikes, bringing his own hand in to show you.

It’s stupid how many times you’ve done this. Like you can’t resist any chance to learn more about his body. At least he can’t talk if he’s busy kissing.

You hate how he takes his time, touching every part of your body but never how you really want. The smug look on his face tells you he knows exactly what he’s going. Winding you up and falling to his knees to put his mouth on you. Drawing out a surprised moan.

Bury your hands in his hair as he works his tongue against your clit in slow circles. His hands caressing your thighs. You want more, you need more. You nearly sob when he teases you with a finger. Pressing against you and then pulling away to languidly rub against your folds. You grind your hips against him and try to thrust down on his finger. If you have to fuck yourself on him you will.

He pulls away and kisses up your stomach, laugh tickling your skin when you loudly sigh. You twist your fingers in his hair and pull. He stutters and moans, following your momentum up to kiss you. Lips slick and you can taste yourself.

“Fuck, Ortega, fuck me. Just fuck me already.” You gasp against his lips. Grinding your hips together. The longer this takes the more opportunity for you to say something stupid.

He just laughs into the kiss, moving his hand so you have something better to thrust against, needy and erratic. You should care that he can reduce you to this, but right now any higher thought is slipping away in a haze of pleasure.

Shit. Get yourself together.

You’re Leviathan, you’re in control.

It’s a simple thing to grab him and twist so he’s the one caught against the desk. He grunts at the impact of his lower back against the metal. Not exactly according to plan but oh well.

“Sorry.” You lean in and kiss his chest. Stopping to trace his scars with your tongue. It’d be so easy just to go lower and take him into your mouth. Licking up his chest, you take him in your hand and pump slowly, pausing to bite his nipple and smirk at the sound it earns you.

“Octavia,” he sighs. And you lean in to reclaim his mouth, gently sliding your tongue against his and tickling the roof of his mouth.

He’s putty in your hands. Lost in the feel of your hands and lips. It’s a fight not to lose yourself too.

Bite your lip, focus on the pain.

You know how to tilt your hips to make taking him an exquisite slide. Even at this angle. You know how to rake your nails down his chest and watch red lines rise as you start to rock your hips gently. It’s a little awkward and you’re essentially standing on your toes to make it work.

His hands squeeze and caress your ass. If he doesn’t stop looking in your eyes you’re going to headbutt him.

“It’d be easier to ride you if we could lie down.” You eye his couch. It’s covered in files and boxes, not really enough space for what you want to do.

His fingers trace up your back. “I could get on the floor?”

You laugh. “Your bones are too old for that.”

“Maybe it’s your knees that can’t take,” he pinches your ass, “But that’s not what I’m worried about you taking.” His voice lowers to a husky rasp.

Before you can respond, he grabs the back of your thighs and hoists you up. You’ve barely gotten your arms around his shoulders before he sets you down again, spinning you around by the waist and grinding his hips against your ass.

Your face is pressed into the wall and you don’t think he meant to be that rough because he presses a gentle kiss to the back of your neck. But his hands on your hips aren’t, his fingers digging in hard enough to bruise. You moan at the thought of him marking you, and you hate that it gets you so hot.

He holds you still as he enters you again, moving with shallow but forceful thrusts that betray his neediness. A string of whispered Spanish accompanied by soft moans. You think you hear your name in there somewhere. Whispered like a prayer.

He’s tugging you back into the movement, and it’s shaking loose a whimper every few thrusts. Shit, he’s not even actively fucking you and it’s doing stupid things to your brain.

One hand against the wall to keep you steady and the other gripping the bookshelf next to you. You grit your teeth and arch back into the next roll of his hips.

The next thrust is harder, the pace faster now, like he was waiting for permission to give you everything he wants to. Make you feel every moment he waited for you.

He tilts his head to drag his tongue against the underside of your jaw. Taking your skin between his teeth and biting, forcing a hoarse and stuttered moan out of you.

He’s rough. Not brutal, always thinking about your pleasure. One hand traveling around to your front to flatten against your clit and he’s slamming into you so hard it sends the bookcase crashing against the wall. You whine, wince, and grab his wrist, your clit fucking hurts it’s so good.

You wanted to be in control, were so sure you would be. The feel of his cock and the slide of his hand taking your breath away. Your surprised to realize the needy moans are coming from you.

Ortega’s hand feels so good right where it is but you grab his wrist and bring his fingers up to your mouth. Dragging your tongue from palm up and swirling your tongue over the tips of his fingers. He groans, pressing his fingers into your mouth, and you let him. Hollowing your cheeks and lavishing your tongue against him. (Wtf am I even talking abt?)

You roll your clit between your fingers. Motions not as smooth as you hoped. Everything ratchets higher, tighter, until your rocking between Ortega’s thrusts and your hand.

“I’m gonna kill you, I’m gonna fucking kill you,” you moan because there’s a tension coiling in your stomach and you’re trying not to beg.

“I love you,” he breathes out over your skin. Kissing it into the flesh of your shoulder. Thrusts going off tempo, shoving you forwards and dragging you back until there’s no choice but to but hold still as he fucks you. The bookshelf you lifeline as your knees turned to jelly long ago.

You’re going to come. Your so fucking close, you want to beg for it, so you bite your lip so hard it bleeds. It doesn’t take long after that, vision going blurry and somehow too sharp, and the buzz in your ears goes deafening.

His name comes out of your mouth, you make sure of it. Terrified of what else you might say in its place. A list of confessions he always seems to drag out of you.

Ortega comes while your still shaking. Grinding close and whispers sweet things into your ear about how beautiful you are, how perfect, how much he loves you.

You don’t respond. Not that you need to bother with replying since Ortega is too far gone, still leaving a trail of open mouthed kisses along your neck as he tries to catch his breath.

When your clothes are back in place you’ll accept his kiss before you leave. Not letting him hold you but not being too obvious you’re running away. You aren’t. It’s simply a retreat. Not even that. Mission accomplished. You distracted him.

You’ll pretend you aren’t distracted too.

#not safe for u know ;) #chargestep #fallen hero #fallen hero: retribution #fallen hero: rebirth #fallen hero fanfic #ricardo ortega #octavia sparks #writing wink wink

[lynxalon]

wait !! a couple of days ago u rb that thing asking ppl to send u idols and u would name ur 3 fav things abt them and u mentioned ur ult and i meant to ask ur top 3 things abt them and then Forgot but !! if u still wanna i am curious as to what ur top 3 things abt them are !! i also feel kinda bad for not knowing who it is ! :/

Omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg My heart just fucking parkoured or something 😂

Kim Taehyung is my ult! Since BTS was my first kpop group, they've been my ult group ever since. And Tae was the first my eyes landed on and since then, he's remained my ult. He means a lot to me, and I've learned so much about myself because of him, so here's a list of 3 (or more!) of my fave things about TaeTae!!!

1. Family oriented. I cannot help but love how family oriented he is. I can't relate, because my family sucks and so I'm pretty detached from all of that, but he really loves his family. He'd win prizes at variety shows (when they did that) and save them for his parents, he loves kids and would be sucha kind and comforting father, and of course the way he loved his grandmother. That last one I have to bring up, because it kinda shocked me how impacted he was by her death. Back then, I couldn't imagine shedding a tear for some of my grandparents. It really made me reevaluate how I thought about my family and grandparents. Now, I care more for my nana and papaw. Like I said, I was reaaaally detached from any sense of family. Tae is so loving and giving, and I seriously hope he will find/has found someone who he can love and who can love him wholeheartedly.

2. Humor. I absolutely love Tae's humor. He can make jokes with such a serious face, which makes it even funnier! For example, when asked what his favorite lyric from their (BTS') songs was, he said with a straight face 'set it on fire bow wow wow.' There are so many other examples of how funny he is, but I'm gonna limit myself or this would be veeeeeery long 😅

2.1. His acting. I love him??? I love that him and Jimin will randomly reenact or make up scenes and just. Act them out? And the other members either go about what they're doing or look like their three seconds away from being like, 'Right in front of my salad?' I'm hoping he'll get another drama role, because man. I'd love to see more of his acting. I also love that he uses this to his advantage 😂 Idk if you've seen any Run eps, but Run!BTS is wiiiiild. They fight over gift cards and food as if they aren't wearing accessories and clothes more expensive than cars (*ahem* J-Hope wearing an 80,000$ watch in front of a 70,000$ car...) One of my favorite things is when Tae very casually convinces the others that he's not up to anything, and they always believe him no matter how many times he does this XD Like that one Run! ep where they had to get stickers or something onto the other members backs, and Tae went up to Jimin and pretended to help him fix the thing on his back while places so many stickers on and... Jimin just let him. He even said something along the lines of 'I trust you so I'm showing you my back' and 'Thank you for helping me.' Like... Bruuuuuh it's cute that you trust Tae but 👀 he had an agenda 😂😂😂 the end, when Jimin found out, was so fucking funny. Tae really played his soulmate like that lmao

2.2 And! How you can always trust him to show how the group entirely is feeling. Like in interviews and stuff. Tae absolutely doesn't mess around. He's very true to himself, and doesn't put up with stupid questions. He doesn't like people who are clearly clout chasers and people who use BTS' name and pretend they love them but. Often times they're just racist and using BTS for followers. It sucks, because ARMY don't want to hype up someone who's using BTS' name, so we kinda all look to Tae at this point. Any good (or even decent) interviewer will be able to get Tae engaged in the interview and smiling. Gosh, a recent interviewer called ARMY insane and the members reactions to that... We're BTS' everything just as they are ours. Calling us insane is the quickest way to BTS' shit list. But, I just think it's really nice be able to gave the group's overall mood through Tae. He can gauge a person's bad vibes reaaaal quick lmao 😂

3. His dancing!!! I got into BTS and kpop around... 2? 3 years ago? Anyways, it was a few months before Tear comeback on May 18th. If I ever lose all of my memories I have no doubt I'd remember that comeback date before my own birthday. That was when he officially became a part of the dance line. I always differentiate dance lines styles of dance like this: Hobi is powerful, Jimin is graceful, Jungkook is bold, and Taehyung is subtle. Tae really mastered this art of subtle movements and expressions. His Singularity performances are always different in some way; he fully expresses the lyrics and song with his movements and it's so fascinating to watch him dance. He is a dancer that continuously gets better, even when it seems like he has reached top of the mountain. Tbh it was mainly his dancing that drew me to him. I got into kpop the year after I'd had to quit dance, and at that time I'd fallen out of love with it. The way Tae dances helped rekindle my love for dance, because watching him is almost magical. I absolutely love watching him dance! He's a phenomenal dancer!!!

3.1. He's cute 😖 I have to bring this up. He is c u t e. He eats in pout and has this cute and quirky happy dance he does and he likes cuddling someone to sleep well and he drinks too much water when he's nervous and his smile is boxy like a rectangle and he has an elephant on his arm and he can't drink coffee and he is very artistic and loves to paint or draw on his clothes and adapt his fashion to suit him and he loves artwork and classical musicians and he posts blurry pictures of funny faces for ARMY and he likes photography and if we ask about Yeontan (his dog) he'll post cute pictures of Tannie and his eyes shine with love and adoration for BTS and ARMY because we're his everything. This kinda went from 'cute' to 'I lomve him and here's just a few reasons why' but that's okay XD

At first, newer ARMYs only had older content to help them learn about BTS. Each member had one characteristic that became all they were, and it became harmful and toxic. For Tae, he was the weird alien. People didn't understand him. Thankfully, these views have worn away over time, and there's newer content that helps new ARMY learn who BTS really are. But I started out seeing these views. And, honestly, I really resonated with the 'weird alien' characteristic. That was how I'd been viewed my whole life, so to see how people have come to understand him and love him as wonderful and quirky as he is really makes me happy. He's someone I really relate to and he's helped me love and express myself more.

I don't talk about him much on here, but that's mostly because what is there to say? I love him so very much, but I don't need to express that all of the time. For him it just. Is. This barely scratches the surface of how much I love him and how important he is to me. He makes me happy, so I hope he is happy often. I hope knows how loved he is. So... Yeah 😅 This definitely got longer than I intended but I wasn't kidding when I said I'd totally need more than 3 points for my favorite things about my ult bias 😂😂😂

Thank you for asking!!! And, I hope you were able to make it to the bottom of me gushing over Tae 😂 💚💚💚

#kris speaks #answered asks #ask game #i see 'kpop isn't that deep' thrown aeound but i just wanna add that when your kpop boy literally gives you courage to live then... #i was in a bad place when i learned about bts and they have helped me through tough times ever since #literally i wanted to **** myself a while back and woke up crying because bts would be sad if i wasn't around #it really gave me perspective on how important i am in this world #i'll never question how much bts love me and i'll never have to because i'll always know #i'm loving myself a little more everyday because of them even if there are setbacks #thank you for asking btw!!! it means a lot 💚💚💚 #long post #cause this is. long 😂

[ca1e70-deactivated]

a list of my entirely way too niche headcanons ive actually implemented for everyones imagination:

name options ive used and refuse to retire: david elizabeth strider (sometimes i dont feel like being a douche to others and saying thats not his name), harley davidson strider, and david james strider for the sake of simplicity

im not gonna tell yall the like. oc exes ive given him bc thatll take eighteen years. 

i dont rlly have an explanation on the ghost thing besides the fact he just can? ive occasionally pulled from family ghost stories and experiences bc i somehow got landed with family members who lived in a haunted house for a decade and enjoy scaring me with all the stories (including the time my cousin literally died on the kitchen floor from a bronchial spasm and one of the friends that was over asked my aunt later what was up with the old man she saw in the corner of the room that night - my cousin is fine btw shes just a huge bitch and a third grade teacher and i dont like her)

whether or not hes done drugs is based on absolutely nothing besides how im feeling in that moment. either hes the designated driver and sober friend forever or he got fired from his job after doing a line at work during graveyard with some random customers theres no inbetween (this absolutely happened @ waho. if dave works at waho hes a mess of a person and thats on the diner itself.)

ok look i hc dave w/schizophrenia besides when i was 14 i had a hyperfixation with learning about it and then at 16 was prescribed a medication and had side effects so wack my therapist genuinely thought 14 yr old me was onto something and its a weird way to cope with the idea that lady put in my head that i might “develop it in my twenties” which i turn 20 this year and i havent been able to stop obsessing and panicking over the prospect so PLEASE dont come in my inbox calling me ableist im not out here all harley quinn in suicide squad with the voices ok hes medicated, he goes to therapy, the hard fast delusion that lil cal was nearly sentient and informed bro of every single thing dave did no matter how asinine it was is no longer a debilitatingly affecting him ANYWAYS

i actually use the chicken/egg farming family pretty often just because its hilarious to me to give dave like. an actual mom and dad. hes literally an uncle to like three different kids he just never visits because they make fun of his skinny jeans and he hates one of his (incredibly bare-bones ocs all of them) brothers who threatened to bash his head in with a little league bat after dave broke his star wars lego set apart on accident (but not rlly) so their parents were like “why dont you stay with your brother in the big city for a lil while champ” and then they just never picked him back up? and thats on favoritism 

the other one is that his name is actually david reed and hes the middle child of a family of three who literally live the standard golden retriever white middle class life only they went to disney land or something equally as dumb one year when dave was like 6 and he wandered off so bro literally just went “huh free game” because frankly he was an idiot who thought maybe i should take this kid home because its real dangerous in parking lots and then it was too late to NOT have it seem like a kidnapping and thats why daves never had a summer job, seen his birth certificate, or gone to school. but vaguely remembers what kindergarten was like and having a pet dog and calling someone mom as a kid. 

im not making a bullet point about his sex life headcanons just use your imagination and acknowledge the fact bro essentially worked within the sex industry and i enjoy putting dave through trauma as a catharsis 

i stopped doing this one usually but if he did go to school hes been in percussion since fifth grade and played the drums in his high schools jazz band as well as various edgy teenager garage bands he likes to pretend dont have a youtube presence and that hes absolutely never been shirtless in front of plenty of his classmates because he wore a hoodie to a show like an idiot. idk occasionally ill put him in an actual band he doesnt hate but keeps separate from his lil turntechGodhead internet persona (which i will ALSO touch upon in a sec) until they wind up getting looped into a tour with some bigger named band that has a show in *insert beta kid here*’s city and hes gotta come clean solely so he can visit his online friend. sorry derseasterous thats the one time weve ever run into each other and i made him have a crush on one of his bandmates i was in my anti-daverose phase where i made dave a hoe and also didnt want to admit i still loved the ship all these years later 

i hate it so much but you know the whole vr loli trap voice shit that was popular a while ago? hes fucking baller at it for some reason. he did it as a joke while talking to bro and they both about shat their pants. if im feeling real ambitious, hes got a separate soundcloud solely dedicated to doing dumbass rap covers or making his own but in the voice under the pseudonym elizabeth “beth” davids that he will never admit is his. well, he will, but hes gonna be really fucking embarrassed about it. irony or not.

talking abt seperate soundclouds and stuff ive always had it where turntechGodhead was his like. essentially internet fucking persona facade shit he used because we all had that phase where we wanted memorable urls and stuff but also didnt want to totally ignore the nagging fear of people finding you in real life, until it turned into real life ppl finding you on the internet. so he also has basically an adjacent set of social media under the same name but its just a boring username i havent decided on so everyone he knows irl doesnt mix up with what hes made for himself as TG and the people he knows as TG dont know what highschool he goes to. (this occasionally comes with the territory of ppl on parp being pissed that daves “lying” or “hiding things” from his friends as if he was doing it out of spite instead of just keeping embarrassing tagged photos and videos from football games or when he ate shit at the skatepark from fucking with his “rap career”)

every once in a while i get on a kick where hes just german. like, i just replace houston texas with hamburg germany and have him apply to a university in whatever state is applicable for whoever im chatting with and it goes from there? sometimes he moved when he was little and went through the whole visa thing, sometimes he didnt go through the visa thing, sometimes hes a dual citizen because of family and shit, its all dependent on what suits the situation best. 

one that ive been fucking with for a while but hardly break out (until recently with like 5 roses in the span of one day hell yeah) is that he has a neighbor at the end of the hall who is like a thousand year old witch lady that hes basically adopted as his mother figure in lieu of not having one and shes totally cool with it, especially bc when she kicks the bucket she fully plans on giving dave all her occult stuff so her figure-skating coach and realtor daughter doesnt sell it at a garage sale and lets it all go to waste. she also once brought rose up by name in a conversation without any prompting of her existence which dave didnt realize for days, and then one time cryptically stopped and stared at an empty space in the wall, went “she has potential, you know.” then looked at him sitting on her kitchen counter with a smile “lots of it” and hes thought about that weekly ever since. (it is important to note one of the occult items he leaves her is literally her own personal book of shadows shes been filling out for decades its like a 600 page leatherbound book dave has no idea what its used for but the sheer amount of homemade spells and etc in it is like. gonna murder rose the second this chick gets her hands on it i promise you.)

theres the standard strife shit? im not rlly gonna get into those theyre all basically cookie cutter bullshit. its just standard bro and dave abuse talk. i like to inclulde the whole 24hr live cam up in the apartment that definitely watches dave in every room besides his own and the bathroom, but that quickly delves into the prospect of middle-aged men stalking him online and basically sexually harassing him in his own god damn home by talking about how they can see him just trying to take his shoes off in the living room after getting home and frankly? its not one of my best takes! but once you throw it into the headcanon bin, its there forever. 

he actually really does do something with his photography but not enough to warrant anything exciting, but he has his own branding for it and regularly takes pictures of his friends or anything else he thinks is moderately interesting enough to take pictures of, but those are just thrown into shoeboxes under his bed in favor of posting genuine shots because he wants to keep his image intact and blurry photos of jade smiling in the tree they climbed up together while bec paws at the base of it while whining isnt exactly something he wants the whole world to see.

i also pretty often but him into either paleontology OR i put him down as trying to become a mortician because he thinks handing roadkill once he graduated from museum giftshop specimens to doing his own taxidermy on the side has prepared him enough to perform an occasional autopsy and start embalming real human corpses. (sometimes i put my own desires in and make them his bc i have to project at some point and put him through the same EMT course i dropped out of bc it was one semester and he already has pretty decent first aid skills, but he definitely didnt expect it to be as fucking wild at times as it is, but whats he gonna do? get a job back at waffle house? the company hes working for just offered to pay like half his associates in paramedicine tuition and hes already got all his pre-recs done when he started for paleo. at least its a stable job and hes got the ability to be compassionate in the moment) 

im running out of things that ive done to the poor kid. OH 

hes not a virgin he had a girlfriend all four years of high school (shes also one of his optional and designated exes plz keep up) and their relationship ends in one of two ways: she dies in a car accident a week before their high school graduation, or she stops talking to him entirely a week after their high school graduation until a couple years later she gets into (guess what) a car accident with her current wife/girlfriend and dies which leaves behind their daughter. who just so happens to also be daves daughter. her name is hannah and i love her like my own but no one ever likes her and thats on the conditioning of dirk. does dave end up taking her in? yes. shes awesome and the first time he takes her to the park to like run off some fucking steam she disappears for two minutes and dave is moderately terrified until she comes back holding a dead baby squirrel and thats the moment he realizes huh maybe things really do be genetic.

ok at the bottom of the list im gonna add the couple of times hes been a camboy which usually coincides with the live apartment cam thing and the amount of people in his dms calling him hot or whatever, but typically its more of a started the day he turned 18 and basically dipped around 20 in favor of showing up randomly with no warning to complain about a video game dick in hand because it gives him an outlet that wont annoy his friends bc this is the fifteenth time hes had a lot to say this week about a certain boss battle and also the comments fuel his ego and daddy issues.

the last one wasnt the bottom but literally unless its explicitly proven otherwise every time anyone rps with me there is the underlying fact dave strider was a goalie on his high school lacrosse teams all four years and (shocker another one) definitely had the hots for one of his teammates like major hots like first gay experience hots. like it was painfully obvious that teammate also liked him back hots. like one night at a team sleepover one of the other guys was like can yall just makeout and get it over with were fucking tired and dave really had the balls to be offended and ask what the fuck they were talking about while literally sitting halfway in the mans lap bc for some reason they had to share the same chair. 

he is also guilty until proven innocent of being the worlds biggest loner outside of that sports team and even though hes literally a jock he still opts to eat his lunch alone in the hallway or something like that and has a tendency to leave girls on read, but bc hes got an in with the rest of the jocks hes basically drug around to plenty of parties and since hes conventionally attractive enough and popular in the aloof way that he is, hes got plenty of tagged insta posts and twitter directs and snapchat streaks going. 

THESE WERE ALL NO GAME AND DONT INVOLVE SHIPS BC I LIKE TO KEEP MY OPTIONS OPEN AND THEYRE LITERALLY ALL BASED OFF RPS IVE DONE I HOPE YALL JUDGE ME ACCORDINGLY

#theres probably so many more i mean #ive been on parp for at least 5-6 years now #ive been on cherubplay probably the same amount of time #and my memory is totally shot to fuck but these are just what i know ive done in the last YEAR #or thought were wild enough to remember #i put it under a read more bc frankly its really fucking long #and i dont want this to represent me entirely #these are also heavily situational based and not like. emotion or reaction based much? #some of them are #i guess i could rename this to like. things ive done on parp #but theyre technically still headcanons a lot of them can coincide with whatever #so theyre not very specific situations #anyways #this took me an hour

[edenial]

I've fallen behind... what the heck is going in with twenty one pilots?? Did something new happen? I know about the tower and basically all about the first update whenever that happened, can't remember, but I know nothing about the newest stuff

okay you need to catch up on a lot, let me tell you and link you everthing you need to know

so, first thing you need to know is that the eye closed in 7 pictures, and that in each update there is something corallating to the lyrics in those pictures.

we have now had 6 updates. the pictures of the eye closing were published on the 6th of july last year, and since music releases by fueled by ramen tend to be on fridays (and would you look at that this friday is the 6th of july what a coincidence right) i just went ahead and assumed that we’re gonna get the seventh update this friday.

the first was finding the site : you’ll have to come and find me

the second was the clancy letter “you’re still sleeping” : my pretty sleeper

the third was a cheetah gif: the eye pic was a slowtown lyric, and the song also has the lyrics “we’re going too fast” i mean you see where im going with this

the forth clue was the title of the photo of 21 men “not my only friend”: the lyrics were from truce

the fifth one was the gif of a vulture (not actually blinking): nobody dreams when they blink

the sixth is associated with the first sentence in clancys double-sided poem “a lifeless light surrounds us each night” : remember the morning is when night it dead

the seventh being and now i just sit in silence, i assume silence is gonna be the name for a single or the album itself because of the reasons i wrote on my post.

I’m gonna put the keep reading thing here because this post will be a bitch to scroll past. so many things to talk about, so buckle tf up.

so yeah, this is the basic structure of these hints and updates. between these main hints we got a lot of cryptic clues, huge dog-bones and reward-treats.

you already know about the first clue which was finding the site.

after that we got an update on the site with the letter from clancy. some words had letters that were missing, which spelled out “you’re still sleeping”, hence the my pretty sleeper lyric. this basically means the eyes still closed i guess, no biggie.

the third was this wonderful cheetah gif code-named 3lurr

people have found that in 2012 the TOP twitter posted this:

so obviously the cheetah has a meaning here. as people tried to find out what this gif was about they also figured out where its from. It’s from a movie called “Duma”. Yeah, Duma, like Dema. mind. blown. i know.  and it’s about this boy that finds a baby cheetah. Turns out Duma is also a Russian council set up by Nicholas II. (*ahem* Nico). Isn’t it amazing when things fit in like a pre-planned puzzle?

names are very central here since you probably know the 9 names in the middle of the dema map from the first update. the next person we’ll talk about is andré weil.

André Weil is the guy cropped out of the photo of the little kid. He’s a french  mathematician. He basically invented the Ø with 9 people. 9 bishops, 9 circles, 9 mathematicians.. you see what I’m digging into here? Also, the null sign (null means Zero) means absence, empty (aka silence? no?)

P.S: this dude also claimed that he “mathematically proved that God is real”. and as if all of this was planned for years, he worked on the concept of uniform space (SILENCE GIVES YOU SPACE) and stuff with a dude named Nicholas Bourbaki. yep, another Nico.

Something about this guy named Nico, (which then turned out to also be in a song title: Nico and the Niners - remember those 9 guys i just mentioned?) keeps appearing everywhere. In the cheetah gif 3lurr we talked about there have been letters literally moving too fast. when someone slowed it down they found it said “You still don’t know his name do you?” and “Nico Nico” (Nicholas II. remember?). Idk what other people think but i think this might be about the narrator of this album (clancy) and his adversary (nico) maybe? Like tyler and blurry where Nico is our winner and Clancy the dying man? Or maybe Nico is the leader of the nine and Clancy is an ally? not enough hints to understand it yet, at least for me. maybe Clancy is not his only friend? idk

Quick side-note: Nico (Niko) means victory of the people, basically a war hero in greek. Thats very interesting isn’t it. I thought so too.

The other song title leaked is Jumpsuit. Nico and The Niners and Jumpsuit were both found on the PPL Repertoire List, which lists all copyrighted songs for artists. (It’s been removed now, probably to protect song leaks.) The new Panic! at the Disco song titles had also been on here i think abt 2 weeks before the Say Amen video got posted. So in our case it would mean that we get a new Single around the 13th of July. Since they are both Fueled by Ramen bands, it could be that they have this protocol with every single they release.

Then we got 2 major updates, major because we finally literally heard from Tyler.

The thing is now it seems we are going back to where it all started, to the play, the war in it, 1939 (also the number of likes on their twitter, just saying). in the site dmaorg.info we now have a new picture of 21 people (who look a lot like those textbook soldiers looking over graves in the trenches that you see in WW2 might i add) in the same position the vultures are. it really feels like this is gonna be a going back to the origins, to the slow and deep self-titled times. to remember where the name came from, and to honor it. there are so many nodds to the play its impossible not to think about self-titled.

i saw an interview where tyler said he wanted to focus more on lyrics and make something less fun and dancey, and more like the self-titled album. with much better production of course. maybe thats why i have all of this in my mind.

Now, since we know that even image names are important clues, and that the photo has the title“__n_ot_myo_nly_fri_en d” under it, we took the image name of this photo of 21 men and entered it into the website just like we did with the violation code. and jackpot. bulls-eye. it led to a video. it doesn’t sound like anything remotely transcribable. i know. so, of course, it needs to be sped up and reversed.

some people heard “we are perdidos” which means “we are lost”, but in a minute you’ll see why this is not the case.

PS: the code, 2018_514_3_8 also spells out TRENCH which ties in with the whole war theme that I mentioned above.

next two updates are the vulture gif (named i as in eye -  look at it not blinking)

and the second clancy letter (named reverse in reverse i mean come on)

clancy’s letter is scarily depressing and sad. but more importantly it starts with the line “a lifeless light surrounds us each night”. like the sixth clue suggests, ‘remember the morning is when night is dead.’ dead light, and dead night.

if you obey tyler and reverse the letter sentence by sentence, it still makes absolute sense and changes its meaning. and its kinda insane that they actually did this.

Another thing we got was this image with just a yellow strip and some numbers.

If you put that yellow strip over the double-sided poem you get the words “we are banditos”, portuguese for ‘we are bandits’. now the reverse message actually makes some fucking sense because its exactly what tyler said. told you you’d get it in a minute.

the numbers create 2018_514_3_8, meaning tylers message was in fact this sentence.

the sixth being lyrics from message man, i have a feeling clancy is the message man. the message man being the messanger between dema and the people outside? and nico is maybe a name for silence? the nine bishops maybe being 9 helpers of blurry and silence being an ally for blurry? blurry being dema? i really have no idea i really dont know.

this is it as far as i remember. i hope you are fully uodated now. welcome back to hiatus hell!

#twenty one pilots #21p #21 pilots #top #tyler joseph #josh dun #dema #clancy #blurry #my text #anon #answered #asks #anonymous

[oflgtfol]

bc i cant stop thinking abt that dream.. im gonna elaborate on it because it was so detailed and so long and felt so real

so it started off with me in a small library but like, it was so cramped and the lights were off. bookshelves were everywhere, and most were like only waist high? strange adults were everywhere, standing against the walls/shelves or sitting in the aisles. all had their hands cuffed behind their backs or in front of them and they all had like, tape or something over their mouths. but there were some adults among them in bullet proof vests and with guns in their hands. i dont know the situation like i dont even think i acknowledged it in the dream but from context clues im p sure it was like a hostage situation

so im in there sneaking around, in the back of my mind i just Know that my parents and my brother are also in the room also sneaking thru the aisles. all the hostage adults are staring at me like, acknowledging that they know im here to help rescue them. so after a few close calls around corners almost getting caught by the gunmen i get to a somewhat open area, meanig that its still cramped but its a small square between bookshelves with a table and 2 chairs. theres a TON of hostages squeezed into this area. i knew that that was the objective, that i had to get there

so me and my family burst forward and the gunmen spot us, but the hostages all help us overwhelm the guys. the gunmen are shooting blindly into the crowd, aiming mostly for me and my family, and SOMEHOW everybody else dodges it but me. literally it went in slow motion and i saw it like in third person, watching it come towards me and i was like “watch it hit me lmao. oh fuck its actually gonna hit me”

so i get shot in my stomach during all this and the pain just, it wasnt all that bad really? like it felt like uhm. getting hit with a water balloon actually (i was just in a water fight yesterday and now upon realizing this its like.... did that contribute to this dream....) so then its all clear like the bad guys are defeated, it gets kinda blurry at this point but i know in some disembodied way that i told my parents after everything wrapped up when they were asking if everyone was okay that i was hit, and they like, didnt care. i was like “HEY i got SHOT in the stomach!” and theyre like k and it took them foreverrrrrrr to get me medical attention. and i wasnt even.. bleeding outwardly? so i was so worried about internal bleeding because like HEY i have a bullet in me so i must be bleeding somewhere like,,, come on lmao

the next like visual thing i remember is in the hospital. its been a while since like, i woke up so this is kinda blurry too but i remember being put into a wheelchair by some nurses.. ive been in a wheelchair only once and that was in 2nd grade but this one i was allowed to use like, on my own, so it threw me off? and at this point i was like, fuck, i’ve been shot before when i was little. i’ve done this before. i had to go into surgery and everything. but it was all vague flashes i could barely remember it but it felt a lot like when i remember the major things from my childhood that i just COMPLETELY forgot about for so long, like speech therapy? like i had gotten injured from a gun when i was less than ten years old and i just, forgot about that? i was like HOW did i forget about this

so i was already in the hospital at this point but for the one room, i wheeled up to the entrance and it felt kinda like the 11th/12th grade cafeteria entrance that i use in school?? a small double door, blank walls, kinda dark, empty, and there was a nurse checking us in. at this point i was surrounded by all my classmates from my ap lang class, or maybe not ap lang in particular idk since like all the ap kids are mostly grouped together despite class? idk man. but my classmates were literally all fine idk why they were there? they werent even there for checkups or anything (disregarding the fact that you dont get a check up at a hospital you get that at a normal doctors office..) so i was there in my literal wheelchair and the nurse was like “wait your turn!!” she was really snooty it was annoying i was like, word for word, “uhm HELLO i have a GSW in my abdomen!!!!!!” and my one classmate finally spoke up as he was being checked in he was like “uh hey brot is here and like, got shot, so i think she should go first lmao?” so the nurse finally smiled at me and admitted me in

and it led to this small cramped room where they scanned your entire body for every single thing wrong with it adn they displayed it on a board where everyone could see, including my classmates, and i was like ohh my god. oh my god. the nurses were like “hm you could eat better but overall you’re in good health!” and i was like DUDE thats embarrassing i dont want everybody to see all my minute issues and LIKE I AM LITERALLY INJURED I HAVE A BULLET IN MY STOMACH WHY ARE YOU DISCUSSING MY DIET WHEN THERE ARE MORE PRESSING ISSUES...

so finally we go into the actual room and its this giant giant mostly empty room, im remembering this room from my first go at this from when i was a kid. theres a table in the middle thats pretty big but has.. no chairs around it... but theres puzzles and weird bookmark things scattered around on it to keep you occupied, and then theres a single table far removed from everything else, only long enough for a body and slightly wider, and theres one identical to that on the other side of the room. and i know from when i was a kid that those are for surgeries and like, i KNOW this but i was like, wrow thats unsanitary lmao

so i go to the table in the middle because thats where you’re supposed to wait till you’re called for surgery, but im so ANXIOUS because like.. its surgery... and now im remembering more of it from when i was a kid like im remembering going into it, waking up from it... my classmates are all sitting on the table like its some casual after school thing, theyre all talking

and then i remember from the first surgery. i remember the surgery itself. i apparently wasnt put under for it. i was conscious during it. i was numbed out obviously but like, i was AWAKE, and that makes me SO fucking scared for my upcoming surgery. like, enough that some of my classmates sense that im getting more and more anxious so they start shoving the bookmarks in my face, and the bookmarks are like the weird ones from the library irl that have quotes on them, and like i cant even read any because im just so anxious like im keeled over in the wheelchair so anxious about it, and the fact that my classmates are trying to interact with me during this is just making it worse like i APPRECIATE trying to make me feel better but i CANNOT read right now

and like, i was never called for surgery? im sitting there until the sun sets, but i only know that because i eventually leave the room just needing to do SOMETHING and the hospital lobby, for all the people waiting for patients? is empty and the sky outside is the dark blue kind of like, twilight

i really dont know how this dream suddenly turns, like i cannot remember the breaching moment and idk if its because its been almost 12 hours since i woke from the dream or if there even WAS a breaching moment

but the next thing i know is that me and shannen are running (me wheeling furiously) along the top of some like, wall. and the hospital looming in front of us is now some sort of fortified citadel, and we’re on one of the defensive walls around it, theres towers and spires everywhere in the distance around the citadel. and theres fucking. ANGELS attackign the place. the angels are classic white dress wearing, harp playing, type creatures but their eyes are all closed and black tears are running down their faces, and literally everything else about them is white. the dresses are this weathered white, their skin is weathered white (like, like marble but without the darker lines yknow?), and their eyes + tears are the darkest things on them so they stand OUT. and their mouths are flat lines, also black like as if its like, lineart or something yknow? like their faces look like masks but they arent. they have harps in one hand and then LONG ass swords in their other hands and they are fuckign terrifying

so me and shannen are outside of the main area of attack and we stumble upon this part of the wall thats like, collapsed, and theres a fucking OCEAN next to the citadel. so the stones that have fallen into the water, theres some sort of chariot on it with the same kind of look as the angels, white + black accent kinda look to it. the chariot is low lying and theres a figure laying over it, collapsed, reaching forward at nothing almost like a zombie trying to move? and he.. god i wanna say it was icarus but i really dont know because i feel, deep down that his name started with an e but i have no idea what dude it would be then bc i know it was a guy from greek mythology somehow but IDK WHO... so this guy also has the same vibe as the angels but his face is like, a fuckign mess, like it looked like he was melting (maybe thats why i wanna say icarus idk) but the melted parts were black, plus the black eyes (whcih were semi open) and the black tears and his mouth was kinda open in a silent wail (also black). i wanna say he had black hair too but idk maybe the whole black mass on his overall head was just the melting.. and this melted black liquid is strewn all over the chariot and the stone block thats barely out of the water. and out of the water, behind the chariot, all the angels were bursting forward and heading to the citadel like as if it was the Angel Spawn Point

IDK it was such a weird fuckign sight it looked like a fallen angel but i just knew deep down that it was some guy from greek mythology but I DONT KNOW WHO IT WOULD BE especially with a name starting with e..!!!

anyway yeah i woke up then. the whole angel sequence was super short compared to the rest of the dream, but it was more on par with what i normally dream than the rest? like i dont recall ever having guns in my dreams except for maybe one dream in middle school that was like,,,,, nuclear apocalypse type thing......... and never have i ever been like, INJURED like that in a dream? i’ve died in dreams yeah but ive never been like.. shot.. the closest thing i can think of was that one weird borderline nightmare earlier this year where i died of internal bleeding in school due to school negligence..... hm!

like idk this was just such a weird dream i normally have very very wild dreams with a more fantasy element to them, and the mundane ones are just me in school or on tumblr, like ive never had like, an ACTION MOVIE kinda thing??

and it felt SO REAL like when i woke up i literally thought that i had some sort of repressed gun related traumatic event from my childhood that i was only uncovering now and it was only when i realized that i was in bed and not like, at the hospital with a gun wound in my stomach, that i was like oh haha no thats not real

#gun violence #the bread has spoken #i should just start a tag for ym dreams lmfao more often than not i post abt them here #OK WAIT NOW I WANNA SAY THAT GUY WAS EREBUS BUT I THINK IM JUST SAYING THAT BC LIKE.. BLACK TEARS.. DARKNESS... IDK #IDK.. IDK!!!! #i dont even think its anybody in particular but in my dream i had a specific name #i saw the guy and i was like oh shit its ____ #maybe i did call him icarus. maybe i did call him erebus #but for either one its not like.. accurate irl but in my dream? whoever it was i called him. it was supposed to be actually him #my dreams

[yourghastlycloseness]

i wanna be a mascot too

ok so i’ve just finished my run and it’s 3.18am lmfao

my stamina has deteriorated. the last time i ran was on 26/6 (3 rounds, did it just fine) and 29/6 (4 rounds, abt 4km? did it pretty easily). today’s friday (more accurately, very early saturday morning) and i only managed 2 rounds lol. so a 5-day break is all i need for my stamina to start sucking balls

running at 3am is fun. i only ever do late night rounds around my estate out of safety concerns. i live at a street where condominium complexes are lined up one after the other, so there are security guards around at this hour, though they’re mostly old men who stare you up and down as you run and deliberately puff smoke in your path. interestingly, the edgy k00L street d00ds are the considerate ones and usually blow smoke away from my face if i run past them on the pavements

lately i’ve been more conscious about my physical safety. it started after getting followed home around 11pm-midnight by middle-aged men here and in tokyo. i used to think you had to be an attractive woman or dressed up in a way that suggests you’re ‘asking for it’ or walk through an unsafe neighbourhood or live in a society which does not recognize sexual violence against women as a problem or a combination of the aforementioned to be harassed, but these experiences taught me otherwise

when i run at night these days, i’ll keep my left earpiece on but my right one off, so i can hear footsteps, if any, behind me. i also run while looking over my shoulder every 50m just to make sure nobody around me looks dangerous. there have been a couple of stabbing cases lately

i forgot to talk abt last fri with H, last sun with A, mon with H, and a thurs hangout with C after work. the details are fuzzy, but all was good, so i’ll make a mental note here that i did social stuff these past few days too and that i had fun

come to think of it, even if i’m not in hiroshima or dotonbori right now, i’m still terribly busy; i’m juggling work, keeping up with friends, trying out new hobbies, exercising, etc.

so much of my life is going by — on this blog, i capture what goes in my head or the time i spend on my own, but rarely the events of a day spent with others. i also struggle to blog about my family because that’s just so personal to me

let me try to recall what were some things i talked to my friends about. it doesn’t feel right to share what they said, so i’ll be vague and brief where it concerns them:

H — she was telling me abt a meeting a kpop idol in person and how the encounter put her in a dreamlike state afterwards; i was talking about how i would read fan accounts of meeting idols, and how they could recall every detail of that day, from what they ate to fellow fangirls they would meet on the train. if an idol tucked stray strands of hair behind his ear, they would write a full paragraph to immortalize the scene.

it always made me feel happy and...a little spiteful. because look at this idol, commanding so much of your attention, and look at you, a mere creature in the crowd — i’m not sure my pride would ever let me openly worship another human being like that, though i fantasize about it

i do public speaking in my job (not by choice, someone get me out of here lol) and i’ve been recognized a few times by those in the audience. but whenever i deliver a talk to some 300-1000 people, i honestly cease to register human faces, even if i interact with individuals in the crowd

that might be what these idols see: a blurry, nondescript faces, highly likely made of flesh

i am deeply affected by the disparity between dreams and reality

on one end, a factory girl watches her favourite kpop idol on v live; on the other, idols bathe in (your hard-earned) cash

i want that sort of adoration for an idealized version of myself that i can control and strategically present to millions. it must be fun to be the subject of a schoolgirl or schoolboy’s daydreams, or to soothe lonely old singles who don’t have real people to direct this ‘love’ to, and yet, wish so much to give

my pride is probably why i’ve never actually bought merchandise for myself despite all my fangirling

we also talked about dancers in kpop and figure skaters

A — talked about inferiority complexes among the...non-elite (? not the right way to put it. i’d call these ppl the graduates of ‘the school of hard knocks’) and how we see these in colleagues, and find them exhausting to deal with. talked about taimane the ukulele goddess, her sister’s first job, activities during covid times, looked at a globe in a store and tried to make sense of routes taken by european colonizers to get to their colonies. can’t rmb what else but we had a lot of fun

C — talked about work, astro’s moonbin lmfao (C: ‘i don’t usually say this, but-’). talked about what we consider dark. apparrently, the threshold might be high for me because of an early exposure and attraction to horror. i talked about the film, hereditary, its unique framing techniques, and why i caught it on my own after midnight despite knowing that was a bad idea (my mom was asleep next to me though, yay).

talked about the spiritual realm. in short: C believes, i am on the fence, as i always am about these things. but i don’t doubt. if i did, i would be trying out all the demonic rituals in books to see if i could summon something. discussed that weird night where we nearly walked into this jungle-like path but stopped when we felt a spooky male presence

funniest part of the day was when we tried recalling dramatic lines from jane eyre (both book and film), and started inserting them into our very standard conversation between two millennial women

‘he transfixes me, quite’ (in reference to astro’s moonbin)

‘i could bend him with my finger and thumb; a mere reed he feels in my hands’ (in reference to yuzuru hanyu)

-

just realized i ate army stew when i hung out with all 3 of them

i need to st0p