Thoughts on the character motivations of secret relationships in AU fanfics...
I've been reading a lot of fanfiction, a lot of AU fanfiction, and something I've seen a few times now is Aziraphale wanting to keep his relationship with Crowley secret because it could potentially jeopardize his career if people knew. (Usually he's in the closet, but maybe there's something about Crowley specifically that makes it scandalous (or both).) This invariably leads to angst until Aziraphale decides to come out after all, and then they live out and proud together, happily ever after. Which, great! But—
I've just realized why this trope kind of bothers me: It isn't true to Aziraphale's character.
Because wanting to stay in heaven's good books isn't his primary motivation for keeping his friendship with Crowley a secret. I mean sure, obviously he doesn't want them to know, but his bigger worry has always been for Crowley and his safety. What if his side found out?
Look at him in the Globe scene, looking at Crowley with such fear: "If Hell finds out...they'll destroy you."
That the secrecy is all just to keep his own public persona clean? No, it doesn't fit.
I have my quibbles with Shotgun Wedding, but this is something it got right, that the relationship is a danger to both their careers, and more to Crowley's than Aziraphale's.
Tangentially, another fic I was reading got me thinking about Crowley's role in this setup. Usually there's strife due to Crowley not being okay with being Aziraphale's dirty secret (which tbf is a legit understandable stance, and a great catalyst for Aziraphale's journey to self-acceptance), but in this one, while Aziraphale had the thing thinking that being with Crowley would ruin his career, Crowley's role was subverted. Instead of Crowley stepping away, Aziraphale pushed him away, assuming Crowley wouldn't want to be his secret, that it wouldn't be fair to him. Until eventually, Crowley snaps, calls him an idiot, and that he doesn't care if Aziraphale is in the closet or not! That he's okay with being Aziraphale's secret. (I hesitate to name the fic because this is a spoiler for the climactic revelations in it, but it is on my fanfic master rec list and if you like I'll tell you in DM.)
That blew my mind. It was so opposite to the other characterizations and yet felt so right for Crowley. He never cared that he had to see Aziraphale on the DL, so long as he got to see him, and he wouldn't dream of trying to make Aziraphale compromise his standing for his sake. "I'm not going to tell anybody. Are you?"
Anyway, all this to say that while I understand the plot setup and why it's used, looking past the surface level, it doesn't actually fit for either of these characters.
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"You're making that (cute) face again."
I was lightly translating the details of Simon's eyes from his Smash model onto paper, and ended up with an expression that could've become either "annoyed" or "pouty", depending how I did the mouth.
I obviously went with the latter.
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