Ur last reply was a canon sneak peek into Ulfric’s brain. Devs decided his true form (vile and unapproachable) would be too much for the fandom. They can barely handle him as he is. But if he had a journal, going through one of the black books would be easier than having to read through all of it, with his “backup plans” in case any of his paranoid delusions came true irl, and they’re never ending and nonsensical and he often goes on a loop when he’s in the process of coming up with them. Everything is full of scribbles and letters that look like they have been written on top of over and over. Clear signs of missing pages. He truly believes that’s his strategy journal. And if he’s not “strategizing” he’s dumping all of his frustrations about all of those people, Elisif being a recent star of his entrie. While Elenwen is probably a main character. I haven’t decided yet for Tulius. And I also have a slight feeling that he idolizes Talos to an unhealthy level and speaks of him as if he meets him every day. Like a sad sad case of parasocial relationships but with a dude who’s 33,333% real and from another era. He probably tears off the entries about himself, they make him physically cringe.
THIS MADE ME LOL SO HARD FDIKVIER4489OT5479T5OU Yeah.....YEAH....... his very personal praying to talos pattern for day number 4873, if he doesn't do it a specific way th*lmor will come to kill him and everyone he knows, there's 7 pages straight of him calling elisif names and belittling her for crying and being traumatized, while he himself is crying as he's writing it and is traumatized, tullius is comes into play later as someone he views to be hollow and as th*lmor-tainted as elisif is. somone once told him to actually write things about himself to get all the feelings out but whenever he starts doing that he gets scared cause it feels like he's documenting torture as a perpetrator of it and just starts writing about people he wishes death upon
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I've seen some trans people who are almost in this doomerist mindset about cis people ever respecting or loving them, and I understand what that feels like and I understand where they're coming from. I remember, though, just how many cis people I know who are not only capable of respecting and loving trans people, but do so enthusiastically, and it really just makes me remember that transphobia isn't inherent to being cis. Cis people are entirely capable of learning and growing and allowing trans people into their worlds. There are always going to be those cis people who aren't at that point and might never be, but that is on them, not their cisness.
I think this small shift in viewpoint has helped me reframe my emotions about this topic. It's helpful for me to be able to take a step back and remember that being cis isn't a reason for people to not accept trans people, you know?
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Mr. Not Family asks to speak to Corporal Thursday alone for 2 minutes; 30 seconds later:
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one reason why spy x family is gold is because loid literally never questions why yor is able to fight the way she does. she could kick a person’s head clean off their neck and make some flimsy excuse about how she learned the move from martial arts classes and loid will just casually be like, “no yeah that makes perfect sense.” and then the fam goes out for ice cream.
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I keep forgetting Eight is SIS a lot of the time because I could never decide if it was the right path for him or not and most of his interactions with Jonas were outright failures that only made him even more disinterested, but then Theron comes into the picture again. And of course that is a point of deliberation.
Theron feels a responsibility towards him after KOTXX for not realizing sooner that Eight was just following Lana's orders to an obedient T not out of his own personal desire or will, but the simple need to repay a life debt, a fact which escapes most of the Alliance and even Lana herself despite it directly opposing his usual behavior. As the kind of person who has to save those in front of him whether they like it or not, this guilts Theron immensely not only for being a part of the blind crowd but enabling a violent warmongering path for Eight that he realizes now may not have been Eight's wish after all, that he'd pegged him all wrong-- and worse, treated him like so.
Eight himself cares very little at this point whether Theron treats him favorably or not. He was here to be used, and he was used. It's the way he's always lived. For a time he might've had the small hope to understand Theron and Lana during SoR, but that faded very quickly come KOTXX. He lived the same way during Intelligence with the added benefit that he did care for those people as they cared for him, but it never removed the stain of the dirty business he'd permanently undertaken, only made it more acceptable as part of his life and not treated like dirty laundry the way the Alliance did.
Theron latches on to the small thought that they could've been different if he'd only tried to get to know Eight, and out of a desire to make things right in his mind, starts attempting to extend the proverbial olive branch even though it's an awkward and uncomfortable attempt that feels too little too late. He has to do something, and try as he might he's not the kind of guy who cuts people loose to stay out in the cold. And maybe part of that is residual guilt for not protecting the Sixth Line and Master Surro, his repeated failure to be responsible for those under his command. Eight is essentially his last chance to prove he can do right by others, even when they share no common ground or bond. It's the barren ground of their relationship that makes him want to try, even if he shouldn't be using him as his own redemption.
Somehow this results in Theron making it a personal point to be involved in Eight's life from them on after, SIS included: unofficially, he stays as his handler. He prides himself secretly on the notion that Eight seems to like Jonas even less than him, which is legendary given Eight's notoriously aloof attitude (but not much to brag about from an outside perspective) and the SIS more or less doesn't give a womp rat's ass whether Theron meddles as long as the ex-Imperial agent stays on a short leash, and that's.. fine with him. Theron wouldn't have asked regardless.
Still, he tries. Hopes at the very least he can keep the SIS' use of him to a bare minimum so what happened in the Alliance can never happen again, optimistic as that is. Checks on him often enough that it looks like they're officially assigned to one another, and even lets him go in and out of his own apartment as he pleases (Eight gets his own. as usual, he doesn't care for it much and it still makes Theron antsy that he'll come to it one day and find it completely abandoned, so this is fine).
Eight doesn't say much. Comments that the life is fine when asked, doesn't watch the holos but idly listens when he puts it on. Does his work and doesn't when he's off the clock. When asked about how he feels killing Imps, it makes Theron's blood run cold when Eight casually says that was his only job over there too.
Theron buys him some street food in an attempt to make something different. At the very least, Eight says it's better than rations.
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