#there was no way to win

[slippery-minghus]

that comic about the monster lady not being monster enough for the support group got me thinking, and i think i have the answer to my shrink's homework for me this week. after i was sick last week, we spent the sesh talking about my pathological independence (my term not theirs) and how not only do i never ask for help, i don't know what help i would need.

we managed to narrow it down to pinpoint the conditions i would ask for help in, and what i would ask, and basically i would have to be at a breaking point combined with not knowing what to do. the only kind of help i would ask for is to be taught how to cope on my own/solve the issue on my own. to be given the tools, not have someone else do the work. i never want people to solve my problems (or even offer me comfort while i solve them myself)

which actually leads me to something i didn't expect. i often see a lot of my reactions to my mother in my neuroses/traumas like this, but i think the icing on this one is actually from my dad. my dad, who never taught me how to do anything, and would berate me for not being able to do it on my own. it sounds so obvious now, but i'm not surprised it didn't click. i understand now why the memory of getting my first bank card has been rattling around in my head this week. because it was such a blunt example of him refusing to teach me, to give me the tools to figure things out on my own, then humiliating me (literally in public) for not understanding. i remember nearly crying in that bank. because no one would explain to me how atm cards worked—not that i would have been in any sort of position to learn prior to that— and therefore i couldn't be trusted to be mature enough to handle the responsibility. i had to beg him to let me have that much.

and then i think to the start of the pandemic, when i was 26 not 17, and how he took the reins from the back seat to control getting me enrolled in unemployment payments. he guilted me for not being able to do it on my own, saying how he wouldn't always be there to do these things for me. i didn't have the guts to stand up to him, but i know i spent a lot of time talking to my therapist about how all he really needed to do was teach me.

i'm sure a lot of my independence comes from my mom. her paradoxically neglectful helicoptering created the perfect storm for that. nothing could be done on my own, and i could never be trusted to be able to learn (because i was so delicate and infantile), but i was also always left alone in my most vulnerable moments. and then dad would come home and blame me for scraping by alone instead of innately knowing how to thrive.

my parents wanted a child they only had to parent and raise when it was convenient, when it made them feel good, when it made other people like them. the rest of the time it was up to me to maintain the image. the rest of the time it was up to me to figure things out on my own. that i did a damn good job raising myself goes without saying, but it's left me not knowing how not to know what to do. and i don't know how to ask for help about that.

#the bit about signing up for unemployment too pings that very delicate spot about my dad being relatively well off #but using every cent to abuse #i know these days it's kinda shameful to have been raised middle class so it's hard to talk about but financial abuse is my dad's favorite #it's why he sent me a $150 gift card for xmas like it was nothing #because if he never allowed me to learn actual independence he could keep me financially dependent #and afford to do so at that #and thinking about how with my mom it was impossible for her to not see me as an overgrown infant #she would cut meat for me until i was like 12. and every steak fry was cut in half so i wouldn't choke like i did when i was 3 #i couldn't choose my own clothes for the day until i was 12 #and i fought tooth and nail to prove i knew how to take care of myself #i took pride in being 10 and knowing how to run a house (cook clean laundry etc) #my trademark reason for disliking things was that 'it was for babies' #yet when i wasn't being overprotected i was just... alone #i wasn't allowed outside so i sat and played videogames #i wasn't allowed to go places with friends so i sat alone at home #always always alone. unsupervised but always with the helicopter right around the corner ready to keep me in line #and then on the rare occasion i spent time with my dad he would guilt me for things my mom would make me do #mom wouldn't let me go on a walk without a water bottle and inhaler and dad would humiliate me for taking them #there was no way to win #abuse #personal #*sigh* i'm so glad i got out. so glad that shit is over and only in my nightmares #(and hoo boy is it in my nightmares)

[kaijutegu]

mods are asleep post Front Gharial

#gharial #crocodilian #reptiblr #this way people can have Front Gharial without a long post #everybody wins when they see Front Gharial

[hansoeii]

Do you think of me?

#I am not ready to witness these two longing for each other in season 2 it's gonna ruin me #stede writing love letters to ed while on his way to win him back #and ed stealing the wedding toppers and imagining marrying stede during quiet and vulnerable hours #yeah I'm very much not ready #these two are my favorite thing in the world #our flag means death #our flag means death fanart #our flag means death 2 #gay pirates #ofmd #ofmd 2 #stede bonnet #edward teach #ofmd fanart #ofmd 2 fanart #david jenkins #rhys darby #taika waititi #my art #fanart

[cowboythewizard726]

THE TOUDEN SIBLINGS, THE TOUDEN SIBLINGS!!!!1!!!11!!!!!2!1!!! REJOICE REJOICE EVERYONE GATHER AROUND THE TOUDEN SIBLINGS OH HEAVENLY TOUDEN SIBLINGS!!!!!!1!!!!!!1!!!!11!!

TOUDENS TOUDENS TOUDENS!!!!!!! YEAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#THEY'RE SO FUCKIGN PRETTY #i have never seen more beuatifl blonde white people #oh falin oh laios #they're sowonderful and amazing and they're so #did you notice how pretty their eyes are #and how similar they are #its almost as if they share some genetic genes or sometrhing #woow #so cool #the yuri win the yaoi win #lets hold hands and rejoice #maybe there is a god #laios dungeon meshi #laios #falin touden #laios touden #dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #dunmeshi #dungeon meshi spoilers #delicious in dungeon spoilers #dunmeshi laios #laios dunmeshi #falin dungeon meshi #dunmeshi falin #dunmeshi spoilers #falin is genuinely so so beautiful #laios is beautiful in his odd little way #what a pair #they're genuinely really beautiful

[chloesimaginationthings]

Michael teaches Gregory the old FNAF technique

#myart #chloesimagination #comic #michael afton #fnaf gregory #fnaf vanny #fnaf vanessa #fnaf #security breach #sister location #fnaf fanart #five nights at freddy's #Michael is simply trying to teach Gregory how to survive #like my man cook!! #Fire is the true way to win any fnaf game I promise #Gregory actually wants to learn he thinks Michael is cool #though Vanny isn’t as enthusiastic #she’s gonna put them both in timeout lmao #they are so brother coded but so the same too #Gregory is just a lil Michael

[hualianschild]

tumblr should have a pin comment button but shoutout to this one <3

#my man is a softie but not weak #xie lian is so strong and powerful in so many ways I'll fight anyone who pushes that weak naive bottom stereotype on him #like THIS IS THE MAN WHO HAS BLOOD ON HIS HAND #and a certain ghost king finds it super hot so #win win #tgcf #xie lian #tian guan ci fu #san lang #hualian #mxtx #heaven officials blessing #danmei #hua cheng #heaven official's blessing

[malyen0retsev]

i wish everyone who made kit connor feel he had to come out a very merry FUCK YOU. you forced an eighteen year old into coming out publicly, before he was ready, when he stated many many times he wanted to keep it private. how many more times does this shit have to fucking happen before some of you fucking clock that YOU CANNOT QUEERBAIT IN REAL LIFE. this is the natural end to the discourse of ‘if somebody is in the public eye playing a queer person they owe us their sexuality’, and it’s DEEPLY FUCKED UP, they do NOT owe you an answer, and this mindset JUST FORCED AN EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD TO OUT HIMSELF BEFORE HE WAS READY TO

#the way kit connor has been treated by people is genuinely horrific #and i'm so SO angry that he had to come out not on his terms and before he was ready just to make people SHUT UP #so congratulations everyone!!!! good job!!!! #and also a very huge screw you to people saying 'he's bi playing a bi character WE WON' you won NOTHING #i repeat you forced an eighteen year old to out himself #THAT IS NOT WINNING. THAT'S OUTRAGEOUS #kit connor #heartstopper cast #sarah rambles

[itslucyhenley]

the creators of Ted Lasso really said we’re going to make a football show using every rom-com trope and beat not about an actual romantic pairing but rather to tell a story about grown ups becoming better people through love, openness, mutual support, and therapy.

#they said fuck toxic masculinity #they said fuck toxic sports culture #they said fuck winning being the ultimate goal #we’re playing the game of life and being better is the only clear way through #ted lasso #ted lasso spoilers

[stil-lindigo]

a match made in hell

snow's story

ash's story

#love wins!! #they found their way back to each other in the end #two sapphics with a combined killcount in the hundreds #what will they do? #not much at the moment. they just got married! time for a honeymoon <3 #ash and snow #genuinely one of my favourite couples ive ever drawn #theyre just so lovey dovey #cant help but root for them #oc art #hearteaters #sapphic art #stillindigo art

[pucksandpower]

This is my official petition to put Max Verstappen in one of these for races so the rest of the grid at least has a chance.

#let’s be honest … max would somehow still find a way to win #he’s actually insane (affectionate) #max verstappen #mv1 #f1 #formula 1 #formula one #china gp 2024 #chinese gp 2024

[rollercoasterwords]

i hate u female rage i hate u divine feminine i hate u female gaze i hate u feminine energy i hate u gender essentialism poorly repackaged as progressive or revolutionary or in any way subversive....

#drafted this post when i was annoyed a few weeks ago but now im annoyed again #infuriating 2 see all the ways people will go 'yeah there's just some essential female Essence that exists in a prediscursive state' #'femininity is its own ontological property <3 let's romanticize it <3 #like yeah wow let's reinforce the idea that Women Traits and Men Traits exist!! a win for feminism!!! #txt

[cottoncandysprite]

Being a wwdits fan this season is like being a fan of a sports team that for years has never won a game and then suddenly they're going to the fucking super bowl

#i understand how my dad feels as a bengals fan now #like theres no way theyll win but its fucking insane that they're this close #wwdits #what we do in the shadows #nandermo

[umblrspectrum]

being grounded from devices means nothing when you have a robot boyfriend

#i think im getting better with different angles #its obviously not perfect but this is like 1 of 3 times i've ever drawn a character at this angle #n was unreasonably hard to get right here but uhmm i figured it out hopefully #she IS winning. gamer pro #real talk. n would be cracked at fps games. he's been living like one for at least a couple years #he also sits in the tism way. it just feels right i think #dont ask how uzi's playing on that controller she doesnt know either #art #murder drones #murder drones uzi #murder drones n #serial designation n

[shesmore-shoebill]

Regardless of whether its real or not, people saying that "maybe they didn't know it was aprils fools" is funny to me. No they absolutely know. thats the whole point . its the best and maybe only way to do this whether its true or not.

Like imagine if you WERE in a relationship that had been deeply visible and wildly speculated on for basically all your formative years, with no signs of stopping. You've just got droves of people clamoring about every potential shred of information and following your every move and constantly speculating about this or tying it back to the relationship which might not have been true at certain points but happens to be now. What. Is the best. Funniest way to reveal that information? With max chaos?

Or imagine if you ARENT in that relationship but you know you'll never get peace from people asking you about it or wondering no matter what you do. AND you have a workplace and friends that LOVE a silly good joke. And committing to the bit. Whats the best way to leverage THAT. How can you absolutely level your fans.

Like Of COURSE they're gonna do an april fools announcement. Golden opportunity either way. no one knows if its real. half of the ruckus is people losing it trying to determine truth. You cant be two silly lil guys and NOT take advantage of a golden bit.

#smosh #anyway. cheers im excited for smosh mouth later #happy congratulations to either the couple.or the successful bit. but regardless congrats to 2 silly guys havin a Ball(shayne and courtney) #shayne topp #courtney miller #shourtney #i havent been here long enough to have particularly strong feelings on shourtney other than 'whatever relationship they have they seem happy #good for them. :]' along with slight dismay over the hellish scenario of having formative years of an online career hounded by #at-times invasive relationship speculation #so i think i win either way? seems like theyre having fun yknow

[pumpkinrootbeer]

last two episodes like

Charlie made a deal with Alastor VINEBOOM Alastor verbally confirmed asexual in the show VINEBOOM Vaggie has wings VINEBOOM Alastor could see himself getting attached to all of them VINEBOOM Vox is hard for Alastor??? Vineboom??? Pentious kissed then died VINEBOOM Lucifer is here VINEBOOM Alastor is missing VINEBOOM Adam is dead VINEBOOM Vox is still abnormal about Alastor VINEBOOM Alastor is back and desperate to get out of his deal VINEBOOM PENTIOUS GOT REDEEMED AND LILITH IS IN HEAVEN VINEBOOM VINEBOOM VINEBOOM

#:v #hazbin hotel #the finale was really good #genuinely won be over with this show #alastor #hazbin hotel spoilers #charlie morningstar #sir pentious #Also I would argue he got confirmed aroace because Rosie wasn't talking about sex she was talking about romantic relationships in that scen #either way I'm thrilled this is a win for the asexuals I love my unhinged aroace crazy crazy deer man #his bit in the finale song gave him so much depth 😭 love him 🫶🫶 #if anyone wants to talk abt hazbin... My dms and asks are opennnnn 🫶🫶🫶 peace and love

[blueberryfruitbat]

AI and Tumblr

In the event of any kind of AI Art API is to be trained on this platform I do not give permission for my art to be sampled or used to train AI without financial compensation, artists hold the copyright to our art and any intentional mimicry or sampling of my art by an artificial intelligence is infringing on an artist's rights to their creations.

We as artists will not take this grim proposal between Tumblr and Midjourney laying down, this was the last safe heaven for a lot of us and you are now holding knives to us entirely to solve your financial woes instead of offering meaningful solutions. You are going to bleed your community of all trust and all revenue you still eek out of us. Your ways have changed from one of a community built around passion for fandom and the creative mind to one of greed and exclusion. You have been showing true colors and they are ugly, they are sickening, and they will kill your platform. If this deal goes through, may your platform die slow and painfully, may you watch your most loyal of whales walk away and leave you drying out in the hot pavement that is bankruptcy.

#batty babbles #negative #recent events #artists on tumblr #im sorry this is so harsh and wordy but i have been passionately against AI art for years #and now the place i think im safe from it is risking throwing all trust a way for money. #recent whisperings have been going around #stay updated; glaze and poison your posts; they will not win; they will not steal from us