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#things are going to go downhill from here
vivian-pascal · 6 hours
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I Don't Love You Anymore
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joel x f!reader
summary: Joel had been with you for a while, you both had a nice house in New York City, he'd seen the way you'd look at him and he just knew that if he stayed for too long, you'd never find your true love. He knows he's way too old for you and you need a younger man, much younger. So he does something that will tear both you and him apart. Forever.
warnings: angst, crying, pushing and shoving, mention of what reader wears, reader slams her fists and they bleed.
authors note: i've been feeling really down in the dumps lately. I just feel like my life is slowly spiraling downhill. so I thought i'd write some lovely angst to pour my heart and soul out too!
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Joel parks his truck on the driveway. Staying inside the car, thinking. Closing his eyes and breathing in deeply. He doesn't want to do this, god, he never ever thought he'd have to do this. Especially with you.
When you both met, you were in the airport and he had just gotten off his flight from Texas. He was heading to New York for a vacation. To get away from the suburbs and get into some classy skyscrapers.
You were walking with your phone in your hand and your headphones in. You didn't bother to look up and the next thing you know, you run into a person. Taking your headphones off, you look up to see a man.
He has salt and peppered hair, small gruff forming on his chin. You run your eyes down his entire body and instantly fall in love.
When he first saw you, he fell hard. Your small little body and the way you looked at him the day you met. He just couldn't stay away from you. He wanted to be with you every second, every hour, every day. He loved you with all his heart. You meant everything to him.
He reminisces on the days you two cuddled in bed together, laughing at each other's jokes. He chuckles to himself as he remembers you with whipped cream all over your face because he had dumped your head in cake since it was your birthday.
He turns the key in the ignition and opens the car door. Closing it, he rests his head on the window and breathes in one more time. He stands up and begins to walk to your door. He lifts his hand up and rests it on the door.
He knocks once. Patiently waiting for your sweet smile and that soft smell of your perfume. He sees the door open and there you are. His lovely girl. Standing there in a gorgeous flower dress, your hair is in a braid with little bows in the back. You smile up at him and he breathes in the smell of you for the last time.
He smiles shyly and you welcome him into your home. "Hey baby, what ya here for?" You twirl towards him and grab his hands. He pulls one back and rubs the back of his neck.
"Uh darlin', we need to talk." His face instantly twists as the small hint of fear crosses your face. "Oh." You gulp deeply as you let go of his hand. "Okay."
He walks into the living room and sits down on the lounge chair as you sit across from him on the couch. You look down at the floor and play with your hands. Waiting for him to say something.
He clears his throat and begins to speak. "I'm leaving. Tonight." Your face shoots up as your eyes instantly water. "What? When? What time? Why didn't you tell me earlier Joel? Where are you going?" His eyes become teary as he sees your panicked state. He never wanted to do this. Why is he doing this?
He closes his eyes and tries to blink away the tears. "I'm uh, heading back to Texas." You stand up and your eyes go back and forth between his face. "Joel what!? Why? I-I thought you liked it here. We have a house and-" He shushes you as he stands up and grabs your hands.
He stares down at your blood shot eyes looking into his. You look up at him mouth agape. "Are you breaking up with me?" It physically hurts him to hear the words. He closes his eyes and looks down. You remove your hands from his and look at him angrily.
"Is this what this is Joel? Your plan on breaking up with me!" He opens his eyes and sees your angry, teary, messy face. Your mascara running down your face and smudging the collar of your dress.
"Now, darlin', I-" "Don't you fucking call me that Joel." You scream at him and his face goes pale. He's never heard you yell like that before. It's like a dagger piercing through his heart over and over again.
You walk up to him and point your finger at his chest. "So all those memories we made meant nothing to you? Am I nothing to you Joel." He shakes his head and tries to back away. "No, you mean everythin to me. I don't know what I'd do if I never met you." You stand up straight and begin to chuckle.
"So if you loved me that much than why the fuck are you leaving me!" You push him and he hits the wall. Hard. Tears start falling from his eyes as he sees his girl a mess. You both just look at each other as you both cry.
He removes himself from the wall and slowly starts to walk towards you. "Don't you dare take another fucking move Joel. I swear to god." He stops in his tracks and stands a few feet away. "You don't deserve me. M'too old f'ya and I can barely do nothin'. M'not as excitin as I used to be when I was younger. You deserve someone who can take care of ya and be there f'ya when you get older." His southern drawl coming out stronger than ever as he cries.
You stare at him in distraught as he rubs his stray tears away. "Don't deserve you? Joel we've been together for two fucking years. If I didn't 'deserve' you, I would've left already." You walk towards him and grab his hands. You looks you in the eyes and shakes his head. He removes his hands and begins to walk to the door.
"Joel, where are you going? You can't just leave!" You run after him and grab onto his shirt. More tears fall from his face as he sees your tiny body trying to get him back. He opens the door and stops to look at you. "I'm sorry." He shuts the door but you immediately open it.
"Joel come back!" You run in the rain. Following him to his truck as he gets in it. You bang on the window as he backs off the driveway and leaves. You fall to your knees and scream and cry until your heart can't take it anymore. Soaking in the blankness of which was once full. You slam your fists onto the pavement of the driveway.
You pick them up to see that they're bleeding but you don't care. Nothing in your mind is making sense. 'Why'd he leave?.' 'Did he even love me?' 'Was this all a lie?'
You scream into the air and cry out. As Joel leaves, he can hear your horrid cries and bangs his hand on the window. Tears fall from his face as he sees your small body becoming a tiny speck. Nothing seems to matter anymore for him, or for you, because it seems as tho he never loved you.
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tags!
@morallyinept @mermaidgirl30 @rav3n-pascal22 @mountainsandmayhem @amyispxnk @pinkcrystal44 @guelyury @iamsherloocked @itsokbbygrl @heartpascalispunk @littlevenicebitch69 @brittmb115 @kotourasan123 @simplewanderer @tupelomiss @heartramen @sinful-mind-joyful-thoughts @yorksgirl
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xecutivecucumber · 1 month
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Executive Cucumber's Thoughts on the Bad Batch 03x09!
Spoilers under the cut
Apologies for this being late, I worked overtime and then immediately went to rescue my sister and her kids from a car breakdown. I got overwhelmed pretty quick.
I really liked this episode, but as I was in a not great mood when I watched it, I didn't absorb as much as I normally do. (My mood really affects how much I enjoy something, regardless of quality. I was in a foul mood when I first watched Faster and was fairly critical of it. I was wrong.)
This is really the first time we've seen not beautiful weather on Pabu and that's terrifying.
CROSSHAIR IS PART OF A COMMUNITY!!! Have yall considered that he's never been a part of a community before? Like yes, he's has his family, but a community?
'Does it matter? We're not giving her up.' This man. I love this man. If Tech did not already reign Supreme in my heart, I think Crosshair would be my favorite character in Star Wars.
ASAJJ VENTRESS MY QUEEEEEEEEEN
Oh Omega, that story fell apart faster than Hunter's resistance to adopting you.
They leave a space for Tech 💔
Apparently those blood tester things that Qui Gon had were Jedi issue only.
YOU CAN DO IT OMEGA!!! Wrecker, honey, if Omega CAN do it, that means her life gets WAY harder.
They one hundred percent sent Crosshair to look at Tech's data because Hunter and Wrecker can barely do it.
'Go get a flower kid, I gotta beat up your dads'
Okay, I honestly think Hunter doesn't have the time for romance and could honestly see him as asexual, but-
HIS WAIST IS SO SLUTTY. HOW IS IT SO SLUTTY.
I don't think we've seen such well choreographed hand to hand fighting in animated Star Wars. Except maybe that time that Rex absolutely destroyed those Zygerrians. But I might be biased about that.
'SHE'S A WAR CRIMINAL OMEGA' Okay now I need to know what defines war crimes in this universe. Did they have space Geneva?
You know, good thing Echo's not here. He'd probably be WAY more pissed than these three.
'You're naive' says the man who was changed by the child saying people can change.
I love Crosshair's 'oh shoot she's right' face.
Wrecker's little gasp when Ventress looks at them is AMAZING.
I love it when Star Wars is using the Force to connect with animals.
I'm sorry, Hunter girlies, I guess we getting wet hair everyone except Hunter. (Though Ventress looks SO GOOD)
VENTRESS YOU QUEEN I LOVE YOU YOU'VE COME SO FAR (I haven't read dark disciple but my sister has, and she informed me that Vos' Dark Side training by Ventress culminated in him summoning a water monster and killing it. This is such a beautiful parallel that she calms it.)
Crosshair helping Omega on is my everything.
I really love that Crosshair has decided to give Ventress a chance, because he was given a chance. (And also I lowkey ship them in a one night stand kinda way. Crossajj is such a good ship name too)
DAD DUO.
I don't think Ventress is lying when she says Omega isn't Force sensitive. Omega doesn't show ANYTHING in this episode that implies that she's sensitive. Yes, she uses Batcher, but she'd trained Batcher with normal friend methods. I think that Ventress stops the testing prematurely before she can be more sure, because she sees the possibly unhealthy attachment the Batch have. It might also be to protect Omega to not know for sure. My personal theory is that Omega is slightly more sensitive than the average clone, but not to any natural talent degree.
Oh gosh, I'm so scared for the next few episodes. Ventress gives them such a clear warning. This episode did such a good job of getting the tension tight again.
I know some people call this episode redundant, but the characters NEED this in order to catch up. We as an audience knew that M Counts meant midichlorians. But the Batch had no idea. Sometimes, we need to let the main characters catch up with us.
(This is also why Tech as CX-2 works on a reveal level because the mystery isn't for us, it's for the characters)
But yeah, a great episode! I'm terrified for everything and everyone!
A quick note- I've seen people say that it's too late in the season for Tech to return. I'd like to remind you that it took exactly two episodes in season 2 to get us behind Crosshair's redemption. They can do a lot in a few episodes.
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lucascsinclairs · 2 years
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Max Mayfield in Stranger Things 4 | Chapter Three: The Monster and The Superhero
“I can drive?” “No. No! Never again, please. Anybody but you. No!”
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stinknoodle · 1 year
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Just One Dance
Summary: Steve bumps into you after dropping Dustin off at the Snowball and decides to stop and catch up, unintentionally uprooting long forgotten feelings within the both of you.
Fic Flavor: Childhood friends to lovers(kinda), mutual pinning, mild angst
Word Count: 5,316
As Steve pulled away from the gym entrance, jaw clenched, he spotted a familiar form in the distance, one he hadn't taken in for a while. You were perched on the edge of the sidewalk, your leather jacket pulled tight around your body and a cigarette in hand. He frowned, this was an odd hour to be sitting alone outside. With recent events weighing heavily in his mind, he pulled up to park about a yard away. He'd just check up on you, maybe offer to give you a ride home, just in case. He only harbored fond memories of you and the thought of something bad happening to another person he knew made his stomach turn.
As he approached, you didn’t take notice. A skateboard, your skateboard, sat upside-down on the road, pushed against the sidewalk. The bottom was decorated and seemingly hand painted, your name in an edgy font surrounded by haphazard doodles of skulls and flowers and all sorts of other clashing designs. Your shoulders jumped slightly when you finally became aware of his presence.
"Uh- hey." He greeted awkwardly, hands clenching and unclenching at his sides.
Much to his relief, a wide grin split across your face. "Well, well, well, if it isn't King Steve, in the flesh."
He scoffed lightly at the faux title, choosing pointedly to not comment on it; the only thing he'd felt like "the king" of lately was the losers. "Glad to see you haven't changed too much, (Y/N)."
Which isn't to say you hadn't changed at all, you held yourself very differently than the last time you had really talked. You sported some new piercings and dark eye makeup that made the color of your eyes pop. A couple chains hung loosely at your belt loops and a few wrapped about your neck. The alternative style you'd taken to was starkly different to the softer, preppier one you had worn the last time he had checked, but then again that was, what, eighth grade? He tried to not be too surprised. You seemed much more comfortable in your skin now anyways; it was pleasant to see.
"What's Mr. Harrington doing out here all alone on this fine night, hm?" You tilted your head with a smirk.
He scratched the back of his neck. "Just dropping off a, uh, friend at the Snowball." It felt a little weird to call Dustin a friend, but at this point it would be weirder to call him anything but.
"Ah," You grimaced slightly, "s'that why you look like a kicked puppy?"
"What?" He snapped, a little more irritably than he had meant to, immediately regretting the tone.
Thankfully, you held your hands up in mock surrender and chuckled. "Sorry, I just saw Nancy in there and assumed. Teach me to make assumptions."
"No it's-" He sighed, dragging a hand down his face, "it's fine, I'm sorry."
You shifted a bit and leaned back on your free hand. "You are forgiven, your highness. Care to take a seat with a lowly peasant, have a smoke?" You offered up the cigarette with a friendly grin. 
He sat next to you gratefully, hesitating a moment before taking the cigarette from you and taking a long drag. The quiet between you was filled with the distant thrum of music wafting from the gym. Your shoes tapped the pavement, but there was no anxiety to the movement; it was more like you were bursting with energy that your body was hardly containing. It had always been like that with you, though you had tamped it down more in your younger years.
"Do you remember our Snowball?" You suddenly spoke up, a fond smile on your lips. You weren't looking at him, but at the hole in the thigh of your black jeans, which you were picking at with bored hands.
"Uh, kind of." He shrugged, the memory felt so distant now.
Suddenly your gaze shot up, your grin widening impossibly. "Wait, do you not remember?"
He blinked at you, brows slowly knitting together as he tried to scrounge for what you could be talking about.
You laughed easily, catching yourself on his shoulder as you leaned back from the intensity of the movement. "Holy shit, you really don't! That's fucking wild!"
"What are you talking about?" He finally relented, cheeks flushing lightly with embarrassment. You gently plucked the cigarette from his hand, taking a short pull from it before pushing the smoke through your teeth.
"Way back when, I asked you to go to the Snowball with me. You said yes." You snickered as you watched recognition slowly leak back into his face. "Then, when we got there, you completely ignored me. Didn't even dance with me once."
Guilt boiled through his stomach and up his chest, remembering vaguely with horror. "Oh, God, right. I- I'm so sorry-"
"Don't be!" You laughed again. He didn't understand, especially as you propped a warm arm up on his shoulder, looking up into the sky with a fond expression on your face. "It's kinda funny now. I mean, obviously it was absolutely devastating at the time, but now I look back at it and laugh. I mean, what did I think would happen?"
His frown deepened, confusion marking up his face. "How is that funny?"
Your smile didn't falter as you turned your gaze to him. "Just- what did I expect? You're Steve Harrington and I'm- well, I'm me." You shook your head and chuckled, lowering your gaze to your lap. You sucked in another breath of smoke and blew it out of the corner of your mouth. He didn’t miss how you used the present tense in your statement, implying that this was still a current dilemma.
Quiet fell over you once more, but this time there was a mild tension to it. Steve floundered for a way to express the thoughts in his head as he recalled that night.
"I'm sorry I did that to you, it was really shitty of me to ditch you." He spoke genuinely, picking at the sidewalk.
You glanced at him with a funny look and you shook your head. "Nah, there's no hard feelings, really. I just get it now, y'know?" You shrugged. "It's probably for the best you crushed that when you did, we would've never ended up suiting each other."
"What does that mean?" It stressed him out how casually you sold yourself short. You tapped the ashes off of the tip of the cigarette on the thick sole of your shoe and placed it into his hand in favor of toying with a safety pin on your jacket.
“I really liked you, Steve. Like, a lot.” You smiled. Before he could respond, you continued on. “But, if you had indulged me even a little, I’m certain things would have turned out much worse. You let me down arguably easily, I never would’ve survived the popularity you garnered.”
He let the words settle in for a bit before he shook his head. “I wouldn’t have let anyone give you shit.”
You smiled appreciatively, but still mirrored him with the shake of your head. “Nah, look at us. You would have been a social outcast just from being around me. It’s better like this. I’d rather us be distant than ruining everything over some stupid, shitty eighth grade break-up anyways.” You laughed.
“I guess… I just feel bad for screwing you over, even just as a friend.”
"Don't worry, Stevie. You'll find a nice girl to settle down with, make a little family, and I'll- I don't know, find someone more my speed. Things will work out one day."
He rolled the cigarette between his fingers in thought, swallowing hard. Why did that sting so badly? He hadn't thought about you like that in years and yet it hurt to be written as completely incompatible, for you to paint your respective futures without the other in them. He knew you hadn’t really talked in years, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t start again, especially with how well things were going tonight. He took one more drag before putting out the stump of the cigarette, discarding it in the street. The two of you listened to the music, a light hum starting in your throat.
"I actually did want to dance with you." He suddenly confessed. You gave him a confused look and his cheeks burned under your gaze, a hand scratching at his neck. "At the Snowball. I remember thinking that you looked really pretty and uh, I wanted to dance with you. Really badly. But I-" he coughed into his fist anxiously. "I let my friends talk me out of it. Which fucking sucks and was really rude, and even though you say it's fine I'm still sorry."
Your lips parted slightly, something unknown sparkling in your eyes. As he finished speaking, you smiled warmly and let your cheek press to his shoulder, almost like you were hiding.
"Thanks, Steve…" Your voice was softer than before.
"Yeah…" He replied, tentatively wrapping his arm around your back to softly grip your forearm on your far side. The silence rolled back in, but it was softer this time, and lasted much longer.
"I'm sorry about Nancy, by the way." You spoke quietly, hands fiddling in your lap. "I was- uh, I saw you guys kind of get into it at that dumb Halloween party. And then I saw you leave without her and Jonathan and-" you sucked in a breath, like you'd said too much. "Yeah, I'm just sorry."
He squeezed your arm lightly, swallowing the lump in his throat before replying simply with, "S'fine."
You chewed your lip for a long pause, but when the distant song changed to something slower, you suddenly sat up straight; Steve quickly missed your warmth.
"Well, I believe you owe me a dance." You grinned brightly at him and held out a hand.
He stared into your scraped up palm, bewildered at the sudden change in mood. "What?"
"Hey, it's the night of the Snowball, I'm dressed in my best,” you gestured to yourself almost sarcastically, “and you always look good,” you gestured to him, sounding a hair more sincere, “and you owe me at least one dance." You snickered and pushed yourself to your feet, offering up your hand again. "Unless, of course, you've suddenly decided you don't want to associate with undesirables."
He rolled his eyes and took your hand, albeit gently to accommodate for the scuffs there. "Stop talking like that, I'm not really that much of anything anymore, and you’re not," he scrunched his face up and shook his head, “undesirable.”
You tugged him to his feet with surprising strength, and he was mildly grateful for your thick-soled shoes; it put you at the perfect height difference, which made it easier to dance. You guided one of his hands to your waist and trailed your fingers lightly up his arm to rest on his shoulder. The two of you slowly began swaying awkwardly, a little stilted and bodies just a little too far away from each other.
You laughed sweetly, head thrown back in a way that exposed the pretty skin of your throat. "Harrington, I don't think any teachers are gonna come tell us off if we get a little closer. I didn't take you for being shy." That smirk pulled back onto your face.
He rolled his eyes, cheeks burning hot as you stepped into his space without hesitation. He released your waist and brought your joined hands above your head to give you a quick spin.
"How's that for shy, huh?" He said as his hands returned to their previous placement.
You only laughed again in response.
As you both relaxed, you slowly drifted closer and closer, as if being drawn together by an invisible string. Soon, your head was pressed to his chest, his hand released in favor of joining your other hand behind his neck. Both of his hands stayed respectfully on your waist, his chin lightly pressed to the top of your head. While you swayed, he was suddenly very glad he had decided to stop and talk to you. That reminded him, however, of the reason he'd stopped in the first place.
"(Y/N)?"
"Yeah?" Your voice was like a fluffy blanket, soft and warm.
"Why were you sitting out here alone?"
You laughed shortly, leaning up to his ear. "To be honest?" You hesitated, voice shaking with hardly contained humor, with an ever widening smile. "I ate shit while riding my skateboard around and was trying to pick the gravel out of my body, but it made me nauseous so I stopped."
"Oh my God." Steve laughed through the words, delighting in the way you hung off of him as you lost it. You hid your face in his shirt, muffling the high, hysterical sounds of your giggles.
"Do you want a ride home after this, then?"
You looked up with tears of laughter in your eyes. "I thought you'd never ask.”
Despite your protests of being okay to walk on your own, he helped you into the passenger seat of his car, giving your hands a light squeeze before drawing back to shut the door and head over to the driver's side.
"So, how's about we head over to my place to patch you up first, hm?" He spoke as he pulled onto the road. "It's pretty late, though." He added, more to himself than to you.
You chuckled, "Sure, Steve. My parents aren't home anyways, they won't even notice."
He nodded knowingly. Some things never change, and that had been one of the reasons you two had originally gotten so close in eighth grade. Neither of your parents were ever home, so you'd just walk to each other's houses after school. Sometimes just to hang out, but mostly to spend the night. It made you both feel just a bit safer, to have another body in the house with you. He realized how much he had sorely missed that feeling of security as he pulled up to his house.
"Do you… do you wanna stay the night?" He cleared his throat and tried to sound more confident than he actually was. You winced and opened your mouth to reply when he suddenly realized how charged with implications that question now was.
"Not to like- not like that, just, y'know," His voice died as he concentrated on parking the car and finally turned to look at your hesitant face, "like we used to. Obviously I have the guest room and you can say no of course you can always say no but-"
"Steve," You pressed a reassuring hand to his shoulder, "I'd love to stay the night."
He sent back a small, apologetic, and grateful smile. To be truthful, he hadn't been sleeping very well, if at all. Every time he closed his eyes, all he could see was those things. He heard them between every baited breath, and when his eyes slipped closed, he felt them watching. The rational part of him knew it was all over, that he was probably safe in the confines of his room, that the only creatures he had to worry about in the tender hours of the night were wild animals typical to the area, but he just couldn't shake that feeling. The feeling that he was being watched, that the worst was only yet to come, that something was waiting just beyond their sight, watching, waiting.
"Steve?" Your voice pulled him out of his spiraling thoughts, hand clenched around the cold bathroom doorknob.
"Sorry," He mumbled before twisting the handle and stepping in.
"It's fine," you stated gently, closing the toilet seat and sitting atop it while he dug through cabinets to locate the first-aid kit. "Where were you?"
"What?" He glanced up at you without turning his head.
You waved a hand, lips pursed. "You looked like you were… somewhere else. Somewhere bad."
It took a moment for him to get what you were saying, but once he did a lump formed at the back of his throat. He knelt at your feet, trying to roll up your pant legs with careful consideration for your knees.
"Nowhere, it's fine. I'm just kind of… tired." Not a lie, he felt like his limbs were made of lead.
You hummed, leaning forward to rest an elbow just above your knee and perching your chin on your hand. "This'd be easier if I was wearing shorts. You got anything I could borrow?"
He stood up, relenting and letting your pant leg drop back down to your ankle. "Yeah, I'll be back in a sec."
It was only when he had started digging through his dresser that he realized how readily he agreed to lend you his stuff, how easy you had found it to ask him to. There had been no hesitation, it almost felt natural, like it hadn’t been nearly four years since you’d even spoken a word to each other. He felt something warm in his chest, and he decided to be grateful for the comfortability that still remained between you two.
When he got back, you were picking at the open wounds on your palms, wearing a bored expression. "Stop that, you're gonna make it worse."
You looked up and gave him an award-winning smile of innocence. "Doing what? I've got no clue what you're talking about."
He tossed you the shorts and t-shirt in his hands and headed for the door. "Let me know when you're done changing."
You tilted your head curiously. "Why's there a shirt? Something wrong with mine?"
"Just figured you'd want to sleep in something other than your street clothes, you're free to just give it back." He called over his shoulder before pulling the door shut behind him.
The bathroom was nearly silent behind Steve as he leaned against the wall beside the door. He was almost nodding off when your voice suddenly sounded.
"You can come back in, pretty boy."
The pet name made his cheeks glow with blush, taking a calming breath before opening the door with indifference forced onto his face. It got even harder to keep the expression when he saw you, in his clothes, in his bathroom, staring up at him. Your street clothes were folded neatly on the edge of the sink, your socked feet lightly tapping at the tile. A smirk tugged at your lips, and you were opening your mouth to say something when he quickly ducked the statement to kneel at your feet once more.
"Christ, how were you even standing?" He lightly ghosted his fingers over the bloody gashes at your knees. He pressed his palm just above your knee and stroked the skin there with his thumb. "Why didn't you say something sooner?"
As he looked back up at you, he found your mouth still hanging open, cheeks flushed. You coughed into a fist and cast your gaze to the side. "Looks a lot worse than it actually is."
He scowled lightly. "Really?"
"Yeah, I've experienced worse." You chuckled. "Nothing will compare to when I broke my leg sophomore year." You grinned down at him, an attempt to reassure him gone wrong. "The bone was sticking out, it was pretty sick."
He looked horrified and you laughed, loud and hearty and so very you. "That's terrible."
"It's fine, really. I've recovered, obviously." You chuckled. He finally withdrew to start digging through the first-aid kit, shaking his head in disbelief as he did so. That definitely explained the massive scar on your left knee.
"Okay, here, this'll probably sting a bit, but it's important that we get them as clean as possible." He narrated as he pulled out some hydrogen peroxide. He dug around for a small hand towel and dumped some of the liquid on it.
"I'm a big kid, I'm sure I can handle it."
He shook his head again. "You can squeeze my shoulder if it hurts too bad, and we can always take breaks if you want."
Your grin turned mischievous, "Oh, yeah? You gonna take care of me?" Your flirtatious tone made his face light up like a Christmas light. He quickly pressed the cloth to your right knee.
You gasped loudly, hands flying down to squeeze at his shoulders. "Jesus Christ, Steve! A little warning would've been nice!"
He didn't respond, opting to rub your left thigh apologetically. He would've apologized out loud if he had trusted his voice to not shake. By the time he was done wiping down your knees, you had two fistfulls of his red shirt in each hand. Your makeup was running down your cheeks and neck, forcing yourself to swallow back a pained sound.
"You did such a good job, we're almost done, alright?" He spoke softly, setting down the cloth in favor of antibiotic ointment and bandages. To give you some credit, they did in fact, look a lot worse than they actually were. Still, he hadn't been expecting any reaction less than the one you’d had. 
"Give me your hands?" He asked lightly as he finished up bandaging your knees.
You gave him a hesitant look, paired with a sniffle, but extended your hands at his patient expression. He felt you relax in his grip as you realized those didn't hurt nearly as bad as your knees.
"There," He practically breathed the word out, having to clear his throat to continue, "all better."
"Gonna kiss 'em better?" He looked up into your watery grin, and he found himself having to scramble to regain his footing in the situation. He looked back down, and leaned in to press a soft kiss to each knee.
"St-Steve-" you stammered, but you choked on your words as he took your hands into his, looking into your eyes as he pressed light kisses to your palms.
Satisfied with your silence, bright red cheeks, and gaping mouth, he stood. "Better?"
"Y-yeah." Your voice trailed off, quickly glancing into your palms to trace the kisses with your eyes.
"Good, you had anything for dinner yet?"
You shook your head wordlessly, jumping a bit when his hand reached into your view.
"C'mon, I think I can whip something up for us." He didn't actually expect you to take his hand, you would probably just push it away with another hearty laugh. That's what would have made sense with what knowledge he’d gathered on you. You did no such thing, however, taking his hand and letting him pull you to your feet. He felt your hand squeeze at his lightly, lingering just a little longer than what was probably acceptable, and let go.
What was happening? Why were you both acting like this? Steve was absolutely puzzled as you started talking his ear off, it was almost as if none of that had just happened. He was only half listening as you rambled, but you didn't seem to mind his distant expression; you must have just wanted someone to talk to. The entire time all he could think about was how bizarre tonight had turned. He felt almost bad at the fluttering in his chest, but it was kind of soothing and certainly preferential to the ache that had been there earlier in the night.
After dinner, you had cleaned your makeup-smudged face off and gone your separate ways. You had patted Steve's shoulder with a splitting yawn and mumbled out a "G'night." The knowledge that you were in the house with him did less to soothe his nerves than he thought it would, less than it had when you were little. Then again, he had had less things to worry about at that time, As he laid in his bed, his eyes kept drawing back open to stare at the window. Every little sound was some nightmarish creature, every shadow was hunting him. He dragged a tired hand down his face, stretching out the heavy bags under his eyes. Suddenly, he ripped the blankets back from his body and stood, a hand quickly being pressed to his desk to steady himself. He couldn’t help but look out of the window at the pool. His stomach lurched and he forced himself to turn away, a sad attempt at shutting out the millions of thoughts spinning through his head. It’s bullshit, we killed Barb, we killed Barb, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. He tried to be quiet as he stumbled to the bathroom and splashed his face with palm-fulls of water; it took at least 30 minutes to stop himself from retching.
With any chances of sleeping officially ruined, he made his way to the kitchen. He got himself a glass of water and sipped at it morosely, trying to convince himself that he was safe. The creak of the stairs set him on edge, hand gripping at the cup. His heart pounded in his ears as the sound of something moving through the house got closer and closer until-
“Steve?” Your groggy voice immediately shattered the tension. You gave him a tired smile, your tone teasing as you continued. “You too cool for sleep, huh?”
A heavy sigh of relief tore through his chest, the inhale proceeding it shaky. “Yeah, something like that.”
“You okay? You look…” You sleepily searched for an adjective as you made your way over to him.
“Like shit?” He provided.
“Scared.” Oh. “Terrified, actually. Did something happen?” Oh.
It was humiliating how that simple question nearly brought him to tears. He liked to blame the lack of sleep for how vulnerable his body was trying to be. It took a massive amount of effort to dam up the flood of tears and the selfish explanation that came rushing in. The less of the truth you knew, the safer you would be, and he refused to be the one who put you in that kind of danger just because he couldn’t keep his shit together.
“Bad dream?” Your fingers lightly brushed the back of his bicep as you unknowingly provided a helpful excuse for him to escape with.
He nodded, teeth clenched tightly. He averted his gaze quickly to stare into the wall and attempt to blink back the tears.
You were quiet for a long beat, fingers drawing soothing patterns into his skin. You took the glass from his hand and took a sip from it. “D’you wanna build a blanket fort in the living room?” When he looked back at your face, you were grinning childishly.
“Okay, that should do it,” You groaned with a stretch as you gave one last tuck to the corner of the blanket draped over the top of your soft structure.
“You’re still really good at that; you been practicing without me?” He teased with a tired smile.
You laughed and shook your head. “Build a fort? With another man? What do you take me for?”
He let out a responding laugh, combing a hand through his hair to push it out of his face.
You grinned up at him, clearly pleased with that response. “Well, what are we waiting for?” And with that, you were crawling in through the entrance.
Steve waited for you to settle inside before heading in out of fear that he would tear the whole thing down. You were snuggled into the corner, surrounded by pillows and trying to set the flashlight up in a way that it didn't need to be held to still shine light into the makeshift cove. The fort was not as spacious as it had appeared to be, or rather, the two of you were a lot bigger than the last time you'd built a fort together, and you hadn’t accommodated for this factor. His legs ended up snug against yours as he laid next to you, your shoulder pressing into his chest.
"There." You finally let out a quiet, excited woop as you succeeded in putting up the flashlight. "Now," you turned your gaze to Steve, suddenly holding a faux air of severity, "you gonna come here or what?"
“What?” He laughed the word out, feeling the tops of his cheeks and the tips of his ears heat up at your opened, welcoming arms.
“Well,” you wiggled a bit to get more comfortable, “this is a pretty small fort, and you look pretty cold, and I’m pretty sure you’d benefit from a good snuggle.”
“You look pretty,” He grumbled out, the words a failed knee-jerk attempt at sass. Your cheeks leaked rouge and you beamed back at him.
“C’mon, I won’t make you do anything if you genuinely don’t want to, but you seriously look like you need a hug.” He was grateful that you hadn’t brought up his comment.
You were right, of course, he definitely needed a hug. The longer he stared at you in contemplation, the harder it was to resist giving in. Finally, he slid closer to you, careful to not press his entire weight into your body. Your arms wrapped around him and your hands came up to hold his head, all to pull him closer into you.
“There we go, c’mere big cat,” Your smile was evident in your voice as you gave him a tight squeeze. “Isn’t that so much better?”
He grumbled a half-hearted complaint about your fingers being cold, but his body language spoke very clearly that he was in pure bliss. His arm slid up to hold across your waist, grip a little stronger than you had expected. His other arm was pulled up against his chest, fist tucked up under his chin. Your breath ghosted over the top of his head, one hand stroking gently through his hair, picking softly and splitting apart hairsprayed strands. The other hand rubbed a line up and down his back with a firm tenderness; every careful touch pulled him into a state of calm that he hadn’t known for quite some time. A soft, embarrassing sound came from his throat as you pulled your hand away from his back and you chuckled.
“Just grabbing a blanket, s’that okay?” Your voice was somewhere between speaking and whispering.
He nodded against your chest, letting you lean up slightly to grab a blanket and he helped you pull it over your bodies. You tucked it gently up to his chin, sending a small smile down at him when he met your gaze. Your fingers were warmer than before as they slid down from his hair to gently cup his cheek, thumb brushing under his eye.
“You comfy?” You smiled brilliantly when he nodded again. “Good. Try to get some sleep, yeah? You look like shit.”
He huffed out a half-laugh and pressed his cheek back down to your chest. “Easier said than done.”
“Yeah, I get that…” You continued to stroke his hair, apologizing when one of your rings caught and tugged a strand.
Despite his snarky comment, he found himself slipping into the clutches of sleep in your arms. He could hear the rhythm of your heartbeat through your ribs underneath his ear, and he felt the rumble in your chest when you started to quietly hum. His tight grip around you slowly eased as he drifted away from the conscious world, finally letting his tired body rest.
You could feel the moment he fell asleep, could see it in the way his expression relaxed. His eyebrows finally drew up and apart, his lips parting just slightly and the softest snores started to leave through the gap. He looked very pretty like this, all relaxed and peaceful. You leaned down to press a feather-light kiss to his forehead, and eased your head back into the pillow. You squeezed him one more time, his arms unconsciously tightening around you a hair, and you let yourself finally be taken from the world by sleep as well.
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chirpsythismorning · 1 year
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Rick Conroy's Recent Rentals:
Teen Wolf (1/2/3)
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As a refresher, this is a shot from 4x02: Vecna's Curse. Robin, Max, Dustin and Steve are using the video store's database to look through the most recent rentals of all the Ricks in town as hints for which one Reefer Rick is, so that they can get his address and track down Eddie.
Unfortunately for them, this selection here from Rick Conroy didn't give off 'reefer' vibes and so they moved on to the next one.
However, luckily for us, this could very well have been hinting at events that are either already happening in s4, or are perhaps still yet to fully come to fruition in s5.
2. Teen Wolf (1985)
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This is easy/hard because although it could be fairly simple, it could also be complex, to the point where it may very well go even further than this film. So I guess I'll just humor the implications, both simple and complex, because why not.
The entire plot of Teen Wolf revolves around a protagonist who is tired of being average, only to find out that he's actually the opposite of average: a frickin' werewolf.
There are a lot of possibilities for where elements of this film could align with certain concepts in the show. I even feel like it could be related to a specific arc on the most basic level (ie. Sixteen Candles = Birthdaygate).
Ironically, something I also noticed related to this, is that in the same episode we get the Rick selection with Teen Wolf, we also see the poster for it in the exact same spot as the Sixteen Candles poster was at the end of s3. We even see the letters ARC(ADE) in the right corner of the frame for both (probably just a coincidence, but a cool one at that).
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Notice the pole going straight through the Teen Wolf poster here? More on that later...
Initially, I was going to just associate this film with the storyline related to the basketball team, because we do see a prominent arc related to basketball in s4, and so that felt like an easy way to pinpoint that reference?
However, I did feel sort of inclined to dig deeper, and this is because the other two films from this specific Rick selection connects to Will's character more than any of the other characters arguably.
Basically, after being stumped with the Teen Wolf mention, and intending to just stick with the simplicity of how the reference could apply to s4, I moved on to Romancing the Stone, only to find out it screamed Will, and so a part of me began wondering if it could be more complex than it seems when it comes to this reference.
And so, what exactly would Teen Wolf (1985) have to do with Will and his present/future arc, assuming that these three movies are indeed related to his character?...
Well, Twelvegate.
Just take a look at the film's slogan at the top of the movie poster:
He always wanted to be special. But he never expected this!
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Upon rewatching this scene I also noticed there are twelve Ricks total...
As many of you probably know, there has been a decent amount of imagery with Will's blocking being obstructed by rods/poles/stakes, etc. (ie. Phineas Gage). So the fact that a pole interferes with the poster for TW could also be intentional in its attempt to give it some association to Will.
Here are the several other shots we get of the TW poster in this same episode:
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I remember so much discourse about how this shot above was foreshadowing Max's confrontation with Vecna, which I do still fully believe to be the case. However, now I'm also rethinking about how that claw representing Venca looks just a little too aligned with the TW poster to not at least be a little bit intentional...
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Look at Dustin and Max's bikes! They're blue/yellow directly in front of the poster!
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And that's that on that!!
Though, if I’m being honest, this all still felt a little too simple to me.
The poster with Michael J. Fox opening up his shirt to reveal the title Teen Wolf also reminded me of the official reveal that Vecna was 001? Where the UD vines sort of scatter to reveal the number on his wrist...?
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While it could be relevant as a potential hint for Will only now discovering as a teen that he has powers/is connected to the lab, similar to the protagonist of Teen Wolf only now discovering as a teen that he is a werewolf, I still want to try to take it another step further.
Now, going back to the basketball plot in s4, because I do think there still could be some connections between the show and the basketball theme in the film, is that there's actually a really layered connection to Teen Wolf going on here. And it has very me intrigued.
Although, this connection can be easily overlooked, as it's not related to the 1985 version, but actually the 2011 drama series, loosely based on the 1985 version, which goes by the same name...
As it turns out, Mason Dye’s most notable role before he was cast as Jason Carver in s4 of Stranger Things, was his role as Garrett in s4 of Teen Wolf.
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So I guess the casting department decided to typecast tf out of Mason, by giving him the role of a character in a storyline potentially inspired by elements from the movie Teen Wolf? A role which also happens to be almost identical to his role in the series Teen Wolf?
Jason Carver character description in Stranger Things: popular basketball player ends up hunting down Hellfire Club (ALSO peep his #12 jersey... yep.)
Garrett character description in Teen Wolf: popular lacrosse player ends up hunting down Scott's pack
This also reminded me of the Duffer's talking about the casting of Amybeth McNulty. For those who don't know, Amybeth starred in Anne with an E (2017-2019), which is a drama series based on the book Anne of Green Gables (1908). There's also a well known TV mini-series based on said book which came out in 1985. After casting for Vickie was announced, the Duffers revealed that they were fans of the AOGG book and the mini series as kids (which is why the book was referenced in the show a few times), but also made a point to add that they were big fans of AWAE.
This is interesting to me because I feel like TW and AWAE are the kind of shows that have a bad rep (mostly deserved for TW atp), but specifically because of how they present themselves on the surface?
Werewolf teens and a talkative red-haired girl in braids don't exactly scream quality TV to most people? Which like, fair enough. Not to mention, both adaptations were based on stories that were very popular in the 80's, being modernized for future audiences. And so a lot of people hated them for that reason alone, without even giving them a second glance.
However, within the context of the Duffers, who are well known film nerds, who literally watch anything and everything under the sun, I think it's possible (and even likely) they watched Teen Wolf the series.
Arguably, TW's most impressive narrative moments come from season 3b. Which interestingly enough brings us back to the main focus I had for this post, which is how exactly this could all relate to Will.
Answer?
Will being possessed by the Mind Flayer is EXTREMELY void-Stiles coded:
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Void-Stiles is easily recognized as one of the strongest arcs in the entire series, and for good reason. S3b season truly tested the limits of Dylan O'Brien's talent, along with a lot of other elements in the show just really hitting the mark that season. The story-building, the vibes, and the acting from the cast overall was pretty good, making it well regarded as a fan favorite (sound familiar?).
At first it starts with Stiles sacrificing himself, essentially dying for a short period of time, only to come back to life, but to have also left a door open in his mind. This door (ajar) makes Stiles vulnerable to the Nogitsune (an evil spirit that feeds off of chaos, strife and pain), who of course takes advantage and attaches to Stiles.
Slowly, Stiles starts experiencing an inability to focus, sleepwalking, vivid dreams during the day, while also not being able to tell the difference between dreams and reality. Eventually this leads to the Nogitsune gaining control, who then starts to have more influence on Stiles' behavior, leading him to trick his loved ones around him into believing that it's him by acting like Stiles at times, when really it's the Nogitsune. He uses Stiles' body as a vessel to wreak havoc on the town of Beacon Hills, but also specifically Stiles friends/family.
He even goes as far as to make Stiles do things like twist a sword into his best friends chest, then finally detaches himself from Stiles' body only to in that very same moment kidnap Lydia (his love interest), and ending in a battle with him orchestrating the attempted murder of an entire floor of a hospital, along with successfully killing a beloved main character.
While I do think it's possible we could see some similarities between these storylines here (we arguably already have), something I realized a while back when researching for birthdaygate, was that it did remind me a great deal of Stiles' arc in s6a of TW.
What makes this arc kind of ironic in the context of this post, is that there are some parallels to Back to the Future...
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Basically everyone forgets Stiles existed, to the point where he's completely erased from reality, including photographs (Back to the Future reference). Other details about him, like his name and his connection to the people around him, is what plays a big part in his return (including radios being used between realms to communicate with him... yep).
As it's happening, Stiles starts going up to everyone he knows, first casual friends, and slowly down the line to people that mean the most to him. Suddenly his best friend doesn't know him, then his dad, finally the only person left who remembers him is Lydia, only for him to be taken and for everyone to forget (including Lydia). And this was basically the big cliffhanger that closed off the first episode of the season, with it being a guiding force to them getting Stiles back in the following episodes.
Now, I just want to make it clear that I do NOT think that this is how s5 is going to play out, like barely, if at all.
My main purpose for this post was to look at the simple and complex in relation to this reference and how it could relate to what is to come, in any shape/form.
Like, we know they draw a lot of inspiration from Star Wars and Lord of the Rings (along with 100+ films and more). And yet still, that doesn't mean we're expecting the show to play out exactly like it does in those stories.
What we're expecting is some inspiration & parallels.
S5 is said to be drawing a lot of inspiration from s1-2, which are two seasons most tied to Wills disappearance and possession.
Clearly in the case of this reference, there are A LOT of possibilities for what this could be hinting at related to Will's arc in particular.
I'm excited, but also terrified to find out what...!
#byler#stranger things#movie inspo#twelvegate#teen wolf (1985)#teen wolf (2011)#ALSO I love how Michael J Fox is just chilling in all these layered references going on here related to Will#just wait until we get to romancing the stone...#also I have a theory that the duffers were big tw stans pre-downfall#that it plays a small part in why they insist on not going past 5 seasonns... bc they don't want their show to go downhill either#they've seen tw and dozens of other shows go from impressive to unwatchable#TW has gotta be the biggest example of this in recent years#i'm not even talking unliked endings#i'm talking UNWATCHABLE endings#i feel like the duffers set themselves apart bc as time went on they actually clued their cast in on the overall series arcs/plans/ending#which made it easier for the cast to stay as opposed to leaving around s3/4#with the creator of teen wolf he kind of is just allowing the show to go on forever and ever#and so he's sort of been forced to work around the casts desire to even continue participating#and so ever since they lost the bulk of their cast but especially dylan obrien (the heart of the show)#it just become unwatchable#like imagine ST losing gaten but just continuing to roll out new seasons???#i don't want to imagine it. it would suck. it simply wouldn't be stranger things anymore#and that's also why i think the duffers refuse to kill of their mains for shock value#bc everyone knows the less og characters you have as the seasons go on#the more the show becomes a shell of its former self and what used to make it so good in the first place:#it's fucking characters#i can guarantee you after s5 that this is the end of these characters story forever...#and i'll be fine with that!
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killa-trav · 1 year
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mick charles and lewis are about to have a 3 way scrap at big tesco car park trying to get their faces on seb’s helmet
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deanpinterester · 4 months
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fascinated by sayings in different languages that on the surface sound the same but have entirely different meanings.
in english, to "eat your words" is to take back what you said, admit you were wrong.
in chinese, "食言" (lit. "eat word") means breaking your promise, to not mean what you said. functionally the OPPOSITE of the english saying.
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sprout-fics · 8 months
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Watched the first episode of Ahsoka. Not really impressed. I frankly am not a fan of Rosario Dawson’s Ahsoka portrayal, and the whole map plot seems kind of lazy. Sabine, who I adore, feels like she’s reduced to this wistful lost soul without Ezra…while ignoring that she is a Mandalorian with her own clan (Gives up her armor? For what? A boy? Please.) and that she has an entire found family with the remaining members of the Ghost crew. She has so much more background than what she’s given and it feels very much like the entire plot fails the Bechdel test. Probably won’t be watching more.
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gifti3 · 5 months
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Ive seen 2 different versions of gabriel tied up (with the 'im devil' sign), the only difference being that he went up a cup size
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My fill for my @guardianbingo prompt of 'spaceship'.
Look, give me a show with aliens and special powers and time travel and heartbreak and watch me make it relevant to Doctor Who. If there's one thing I can do, it's make everything about Who. I've thought way too much about this so I'm gonna make it everyone's problem. (behind a read more though because wow I ramble)
I hear spaceship and I think TARDIS, because it's been almost twenty years and I am not getting over DW ever at this point. So my brain decided hey what if Zhao Yunlan got thrown back in time in a more comfortable and stylish way? And thus this image came to mind.
But my mind is not one for shutting up, so while this came to be I had a lot of thoughts about if anyone in the show would pull off being the Doctor particularly well.
The obvious choice is of course Zhao Yunlan; canonically time travels, regeneration could be a sci-fi equivalent to reincarnation, general chaos gremlin vibes, likes sticking things in his mouth yes I'm imagining 13 eating soil rn, quick thinking and loves a puzzle. Kunlun could be his version of 'Doctor' and Zhao Yunlan his version of 'John Smith' when he tries to go undercover.
However, I then got to thinking about Shen Wei. His wardrobe is definitely a much better match for the Doctor but he's not so obviously chaotic. But he is an alien, he's at least 10000 years old, his Dixing power is learning which is perfect, he's literally a professor (like the Doctor) and enjoys teaching (twelve comes to mind), he's into science and has accumulated random detailed knowledge about other things (eg. Bears) whilst remaining somewhat awkward socially, doesn't necessarily entirely vibe with others of his kind, has lots of secrets and is not always very good at lying. Likes to suffer in silence and not fcking tell anyone. He may not be full of chaos like thirteen but he has the vibes of nine or twelve where there's something not entirely human about him.
Another thing I found very interesting though is the potential for Ye Zun to be the Master to Shen Wei's Doctor. Because I like pain. The relationship between them two in DW canon is fascinating, just imagine if they were actually siblings.* The intense 'I want to kill you' vs 'I want to be you' vs 'I want you to like me' desire that's constantly warring away inside the Master. The Master loves the Doctor but feels like they've been abandoned by them, is that not Ye Zun? The desire for power and mayhem but also maybe just wanting attention from a certain person.
Also, if Shen Wei is the Doctor then Zhao Yunlan gets to be the companion and depending which level of angst I can cope with on the day, I've decided on two options.
Novel vibes: Zhao Yunlan as Donna Noble, something happens during their travels together that results in Shen Wei having to remove all of Zhao Yunlan's memories of him and their adventures together and Shen Wei has to stay away and never return or run the risk of Zhao Yunlan's brain permanently breaking. An even more extreme version of Shen Wei having to stay away from Kunlun's reincarnations because there's no chance of Zhao Yunlan coming back in this world. I'm not being entirely evil though because the 60th anniversary clips we've seen imply there is hopefully a way to fix this problem so there could still be a happy ending!
Show vibes: instead of sacrificing his soul to a lantern how about Zhao Yunlan does a Rose and stares into the TARDIS and only almost dies. If there's a way to somehow combine this with Rose using the power to bring Jack back to life and accidentally making him immortal then ta da! a never dying Zhao Yunlan to go with Shen Wei the time lord! Winners all around!
Final point i promise:
The TARDIS is called the ghost monument at one point, is that not a fitting name for a ghost king's spaceship?
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corrodedcoughin · 2 years
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So…Eddie in a kilt y/y? He’d love having the sporran to keep his dice/miniatures/weed in, pretending he’s a highlander with the knife in his sock. I don’t think he’d have a ‘great kilt’ he’d get too wrapped up in all the fabric. He’d definitely just wear it with band T-shirts but would have a bonnie Prince Charlie shirt for when he’s feeling fancy.
Of course Steve goes silent and just stares the first time he sees Eddie casually in a kilt as he’s head banging with his guitar at band practice when he comes to pick up Dustin. (Dustin had begged Eddie to come to practice and once he got the all clear from the rest of the band Dustin was a semi regular in Gareth’s garage)
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psychotickenesis · 1 year
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I started applying for game design school but I think I would really regret it because I have hated working in an office for the past year and I. Feel like i'm wasting my life, Like I only have so few years left is what I Keep thinking knowing that my health is failing and I want to be outside or doing something that makes me feel fulfilled or happy, But I still don't know what that is :^( I am not built for the grind I should be sitting in circles kissing people telling stories and making ceramics
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sk3l3t0n444 · 7 months
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i feel like everybody hates me, but especially those who i look up to...i feel like a little kid again...looking up to those who only look down upon me, instead of picking me up and embracing me.
#i just feel like nobody fucking likes me...like everybody secretly hates me and are actively trying to make me feel bad about myself#like i know that probably isnt true...but its the only thing that make sense#like no matter what i do everybody seems to leave me alone in my own little bubble...#everybody has their little groups with their little friends...but i dont...im the one who is a small member of multiple groups...#and that gets me left in the fucking dust#i just want to belong somewhere...i change and adapt to hopefully become a part of some group but it never works#i just want someone to hold me and tell me itll be ok...and that people dont actually hate me...#ykw if you fucking hate me you can tell me anons are on...i just wanna know im not the crazy one here...#im just trying to fit it so much that ive lost myself...who am i and who is what ive become?#i try and be friendly...and hope that i get accepted somewhere but they never really care...#im like the last kitten left in the cardboard box...all the others were cuter and healthier and now nobody wants me#nobody wanted me from the start...and now im all alone#idfk#i would do anything for a hug rn#since january shit has been going downhill...died...moved...gone...and then i had some people who cared and then it all fell apart again...#i just want to belong somewhere ffs...i want to be able to have friends...not just people who tolerate me...#i would rather have one friend that 10 people who tolerate me#idfk...im going to go eat ice cream until i cant feel any emotions anymore...#if i wasnt a pussy i would be stealing my parents alcohol...they already dont like when i eat...#or maybe i shouldnt eat...then maybe someone would love me...idfk...i just want to feel loved and secure and like i fucking belong
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roobiedo · 7 months
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OC-tober day 1: Wild West
Debuting my yeehaw babygirl Bimbi (she/her), a character concept for my upcoming vn game project!
Here's a close up:
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And here's a little animated gif thing, because OF COURSE the best time to experiment with a new program feature is when you have a deadline for an art piece that's already 4 days late. /s
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stonerzelda · 1 year
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Really funny that ive had more error popups/failed attempts to post or rb than ever before in the like 11 years ive been on this site yet thats coinciding with tumblrs attempt to stay relevant/spend a bunch of money marketing themselves with dumbass ads and promote merchandise they stole from their own userbase while also forcing us to look at their requests for our money for features when they never msde this site usable in the first got dam place
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nostalgia-tblr · 1 year
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See, the one Sadboy Loki stan-meta point I will generally agree on is that the desperate need for a throne is about wanting the acceptance and acclaim (ie The Poor Sad Woobie Just Wants To Be Loved) so yeah fair enough on the redemption arc being But What If Friends?? and What If Me But Hot Hot Selfcest Gaining Self-Respect?
I suppose the proof of that is that while pretending to be Odin and literally being the king of Asgard he... did fuck all, really? Wrote a play about himself, lounged around a bit. That's not someone who wants the power bit of being the ruler of everything and while I may disagree on the exact depths of his emo despair and whether it's a moral get-out-of-jail-free card I do agree that yeah the thing that makes ruling everyone attractive to Loki is that those everyones (erm...) will then pay attention to you and tell you how great you are.
That probably *is* the Younger Son thing at work, innit? "Well, if your brother were to die in a "hunting accident" of some freak accident or plague (btw he is basically immortal so this is v unlikely) then we'd need you after all, so we'll keep you around and make sure you're exactly the sort of arrogant twat we need for that job and probably stop you getting too interested in doing something else with your life *but* as mentioned you're basically the insurance policy that we're unlikely to ever actually need so... maybe you could take up knitting? Bee-keeping?" (This is, again, why monarchies and primogeniture are fucking *terrible* ideas that lead to societies overflowing with young men itching to become Crusaders and Conquistadors but I'm sure nobody needs me to go on about that shit again though I just thought of a thing I should add to that fic)
#my third favourite loki#i'm not saying “kill Thor” is the answer to many/most of his problems but...#actually is *this* why some Loki stans hate Thor so much? they've identified the problem but it never gets solved for their fave?#i mean obvs the *real* problem is the system but failing the ability or perhaps will to change that then yeah he could just murder Thor#as i throwaway-line'd once in a fic Sylvie would have the related but different problem of Being A Girl#nobody bothered to put the *princesses* in the tower did they?#(think R3 was actually planning to marry the oldest girl? which bold move when you've blatantly murdered her brothers but whatevz)#(maybe she didn't like them anyway!)#(also that actually *is* incest isn't it? daaaamn Richard going for the full set of Things People Don't Like weren't you?)#(someone reading this like “why the fuck is she talking about Richard III on this post about Loki???”)#(well hello there welcome to the fun world of me! it's all downhill from here!)#(don't forget to Like Comment and Subscribe!)#(i may hate monarchies but their dramas are fuckin A+ Reality Shows But With Murder And Incest And So On quality content)#me stuffing popcorn into my mouth: “can't wait for the new season to resolve that Bosworth cliffhanger. my problematic fave MUST win!”#“he murdered his nephews surely he can take out that half-arsed attempt at a Lancaster heir?? it's that or a line of Welsh gingers???”#(i have nothing against welsh gingers honestly cross my cold black twisted heart)#loki series
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