#this is actually an autobiography

[husbandhoshi]

[3:36 PM]

you don't think there's a better couch in the world than vernon's.

it's blue-gray and you think it's been through several world wars even though you remember the exact moment you picked it out at the local ashley furniture two years ago. there's a hole in the right-most cushion (from when vernon tried to kill a spider with a pen), and mascara stains (yours) you haven't quite figured out how to remove yet, but it is one of your favorite places in the world.

and quite frankly, it's the only place you want to be sometimes—especially now.

"vernon," you wail. "i think i'm destined to die alone. i'm going to adopt a million cats, move out of the city, and die alone."

you watch him fumble with his phone as he attempts to text the doordash guy the apartment code while juggling a box of tissues and your favorite four dollar trader joe's wine.

"hey," he says, as if attempting to calm a wild horse. "you know that isn't true."

he dumps his armful of crisis objects on the coffee table before taking a seat on the couch next to you.

this is the usual order of things.

somehow, you, local disaster, had befriended vernon, the most normal person in the world. and this—the wine, the doordash, the sad sza playlist he made you the week you met—somehow became a familiar ritual of yours. (even one you look forward to, seeing as you don't seem to run out of disasters.)

"he's an asshole," vernon supplies unhelpfully. "don't let it get to you."

"it's getting to me. it got to me. i've been gotten." you bury your head in your hands.

"you really deserve better." he takes some tissues out of the box and pats you on the shoulder, visibly searching for the right words to say.

quite honestly, vernon has never handled these situations with ease. he doesn't get worked up like your girl friends, and he doesn't throw his arms open for a long cry like your mom would. but he handles them, and you, with more patience than you ever think you deserve, and you think that's why you love him so much.

"who gets stood up on a hinge date?!" you snort into a tissue. "we had been talking for weeks!"

vernon shrugs as he wiggles the wine cork out of the bottle. "it just means you guys weren't right for each other."

you wad up your kleenex stack and vernon hands you another.

"i'm deleting hinge. and tinder. and bumble. and then i'm getting a cat."

"okay," he laughs. "i'll go with. i'll get one too so they can be friends."

"deal," you croak as you watch vernon stand up to get the delivery. "please tell me you got nacho fries."

"i got you two. with extra cheese sauce."

for the first time today, you laugh. you laugh big and loud because no one in the world knows you better than vernon, and you don't even think he knows it.

he looks at you, head tilted and eyebrows knit together like you've started speaking in tongues. you think he gives you that look at least once a day, and you wouldn't have it any other way.

you laugh again.

#this is actually an autobiography #local girlfail content #and vernon is my bff (REAL) #mine #vernon #vernon fluff #vernon x reader #vernon x you #rq

[imminent-danger-came]

Those fucking monkeys. Those god damn monkeys

#MK. AND WUKONG. WHY ARE THEY LIKE THAT #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #idk I looked at MK's journal yesterday and started crying #Like they have a shared narrative #And MK's whole arc is about the version of Wukong in his head. 'This autobiography by yours truly' #SHUT UP. SHUT UP. FUCK YOU. #MK YOU'RE A TERRIBLE NARRATOR #though really Tang and Macaque are also narrators. They're the main ones #the tang and macaque parallels have been getting to me too actually #FUCK #lmk #lego monkie kid #lmk rant

[batsplat]

Casey Stoner, Pushing the Limits

GP11:

GP12:

x

#casey stoner #valentino rossi #// #cs27 #vr46 #i realised i had one important take about the casey/vale rivalry that isn't linked to my actual thesis about them because. listen #i think about this line like. once a week. it haunts me in my sleep. i cannot carry this burden on my own any longer #casey. casey. is it really cOVERED?? with luminous yellow?? COVERED???? #i'm not massively fond of the shade of red either but i don't think valentino was involved in making it more orange #my man saw the tiniest hint of yellow and was like 'what the fuck is this' #like valentino's LEATHERS are a wee bit yellow but that's!! not!! the bike!! also casey YOU had the aussie flag on your bloody bike number #the green is also on nicky hayden's gp12 btw like it's LITERALLY JUST THE NUMBER that's yellow #YOU DON'T EVEN SEE THE SEAT WHEN HE'S SITTING ON THE GP11 CASEY IT'S A RED BIKE #i don't have a coherent point about this but it is a LITTLE fascinating! like this made it into his autobiography!! #it's such an interesting thing to even notice no? like you're thinking about their stunning blood red being contaminated? #Does He View Valentino Rossi As An Infection? this is some symbolically potent shit when u think about it #do u think all valentino's victims have like. some kind of deeply ingrained aversion to the colour yellow. pavlovian response and all that #to be clear i find this very funny and i support casey in being a bit demented about valentino. who amongst us

[strangeparadoxlikely]

i love it when the real men i'm obsessed with write books. there's something so silly about going to a bookstore and asking for daniel howell like that's just some guy tumblrinas write fanfiction about and i get to read an actual published book he wrote

#this is actually about the fact that i just bought joe trohman's autobiography #joe trohman #fob #none of this rocks #phan #dan and phil #dan howell #daniel howell #you will get through this night #ywgttn

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Pete Wharmby has written a book about autism. According to his page:

If you're interested in autistic special interests and hyperfocus then you might enjoy my first book which is about how my interests have shaped my life.

Pete Wharmby, Autistic Author

#autism #actually autistic #hyperfixation #special interest #books #autobiography #reading #literature #feel free to share/reblog #Pete Wharmby #Autistic Author (Facebook)

[frankensteincest]

JULIE ANN THILMANY, Draining Life Forces: Vampirism in Emily Brontë’s Wuthering Heights

#txt. #civilised autobiography. #wuthering heights #I love a closed circuit relationship <3 they are both maker and made to each other #and they /are/ each other ofc #the dissertation actually argues there was a vampire that turned catherine during her final illness before death #but idc for that interpretation tbh

[gimmethatagustd]

i have a bts cursor chrome extension downloaded which means that my cursor is a cartoon version of this taehyung

and i did a virtual meeting with one of my student interns this morning where i had to share my screen and i fucking forgot she would see it jshdfjks

and then when i hover over a link the cursor changes to a cartoon version of this yoongi lying on his tummy

i'm such a bad example of professionalism for these college kids lmfaoo

#istg i'm a mess #himbo hours was actually an autobiography #minus the cocaine and fucking on a beach #jai talks

[not-the-coffee-machine4]

you ever think about the fact that the Elton John/Axl Rose tribute concert pairing only happened because Roger Taylor was out here trying to single-handedly solve homophobia

#and also because Elton in turn knew Axl wasn’t actually homophobic as he stated in his autobiography #I would love to get a glimpse of Roger’s thought process in that moment #Like “okay now it is absolutely essential that Axl be performing with the gayest person here” #Anyway I love it #queen #queen band #roger taylor #roger meddows taylor #brian may #sir brian may #freddie mercury #john deacon #axl rose #elton john #freddie Mercury tribute concert

[80yearoldmanmoodboard]

My ADHD riddled ass who hasn’t finished a real book since 5th grade somehow managed to sit down and read The Autobiography of Special Agent Dale Cooper: My Life In Tapes in its entirety yesterday and in my completion of it I’d like to share excerpts of the Sleep Experiment Cooper did on himself in College:

#twin peaks #Dale Cooper #The Autobiography of Special Agent Dale Cooper: My Life In Tapes #I somehow read an ENTIRE book yesterday #I spent the whole day sat down just READING #it was fucking insane #I read from ~2:20 to 10:14 #I paused twice for short food breaks #but for the majority of that nearly 8 hour period I was READING A BOOK #y’all don’t realize how little I’ve actually read full books #I figured out I can finish a book if I just listen to it but even that doesn’t always work #actually the last time I finished a book was when I read upside down magic in 4th grade #this was like a 195 page book and I FINISHED IT #I’m so bad at finishing things I’m proud of myself

[magentagalaxies]

realizing most buddy cole fans don't even know who cornygirl is.... tragic

#i should host a buddy cole trivia game or something i wanna know how much people know lmao #cornygirl appears in a few pieces of buddy cole media but none of the most mainstream ones #she first appears in buddy babylon (the buddy cole autobiography). she was on conan with buddy in the late 1990s #and then later got kidnapped and scott went on conan as buddy to send a message to her kidnappers #she was referenced in the mixology monology tour from the late 90s (i forget if she was actually in it tho) #and i think she might have been referenced in the pilot for the buddy cole animated sitcom? idk i'd have to read it again #the buddy cole extended universe runs deep guys it's so much bigger than you could've imagined

[state-of-franklin]

All the people that think Oppenheimer is a propaganda movie actually make me laugh, because it is propaganda! Just not the nationalistic/patriotism kind.

It’s literally about a guy that lives to regret his most renowned invention, who wished more than anything it wouldn’t become a weapon, and when faced with his own guilt is told to suck it up and fake a smile.

This movie is trying to get the audience to understand the plight of the scientist that feels like he invented death. He was manipulated time after time by the US military and government, and truly was used for his genius more than he “used” anyone.

It is a 3 hour movie of pain, regret, and opposition between scientific progress and moral implications of doing so.

Don’t shit on a fucking movie because you read a tumblr post about it. Do your own fucking research and maybe go see the movie before you lay such harsh judgement on it.

#oppenheimer #oppenheimer movie #cillian murphy #propaganda #nationalism #fascism #movie review #it’s actually a truly thought provoking and interesting movie #it is one of the only movies that brings to light the idea that the US government is using scientists #and by doing so teaches the wide majority of us citizens that they cannot just blindly trust the military and their government #it teaches a new narrative that the old folks of this country haven’t considered because they’re so knee deep in nationalism #really this movie has so many benefits #but first and foremost it is a biography #(or narrated autobiography?) #but like it’s also not #ALSKDKKDKFKFKF kd #please just go see the movie before you make huge jusegenent passes on it

[ancientrimer]

i can't believe this keeps happening to me. i figure out a theory i think i might want to apply in my thesis, go look at the text that has the theory, and find that that text already mentions jane eyre

#DORRIT COHN WHEN I GET YOU #i'm trying to apply discordant narration bc i'm really realising how significant the judgements of the narrative voice are #for our understanding of the story #but cohn already said that the narrator's judgement are concordant with the overall story #which obviously. it's an “autobiography” #i'm not really sure how to angle this?? #bc on the one hand it really makes sense to comment on how the narrative voice is the one that makes judgement statements most of the time #which are what one might say mostly relates to contemporary discourse #(along with pure description) #but it feels too risky bc it may start to sound like i'm saying that the narrative voice is expressing brontë's judgements #which is not what i mean at all #this is what i get for trying to write a historically contextualising thesis (not actually my thing) #narration is actually more my thing which is why i keep ending up back there #oh. that's what this is #i'm subconsciously trying to change the angle of the thesis to be about narration #fuck this is another completely separate essay isn't it #if you never hear from me again it's because i drowned in new essay ideas that can only come to fruition if i do a phd (not in my plans) #(at least not for another decade) #jag borde ha vetat att det här skulle hända

[bluberimufim]

My brain keeps telling me to rewrite "Black and White" as one of those novels that are more like a collection of documents (whatever tf it's called) and I'm like!! Bestie, writing a novel as a series of documents is exactly what made me write the second draft as third person in the first place!!!!

(ok technically it was just Darius's normal POV + Diedrich's diary for some reason, but still!!)

#did i accidentally jinx myself months ago when i made it canon that Johann writes an autobiography? #i never mentioned it. i just think he'd do that ya know? #ok no but the idea of a series of documents #leaving behind a trail detailing the life of this magician #sounds really cool #he's gonna die. we know he's gonna die from the beginning. he's always been a memory #maybe THIS will be the thing that makes Darius's existence make sense #he's never been a very proactive guy #feel very un-protagonist-y of him #ok now i'm actually excited for this #wtf #i can NOT keep rewriting this wip in different formats!!! #writeblr #writing #my wips #black & wip #if anyone is in any way knowledgeable about literacy levels in the 1900-1910s hmu please #i'm gonna need it

[joemerl]

It's no longer Halloween where I live, but anyway: Dictionary.com (of all places) had a contest guest-judged by my childhood hero, R.L. Stine. It was to write the first 50 words of a story involving a haunted house.

Sadly, neither of my entries won, but I thought I'd post them here just for fun.

Entry #1:

"Those who enter Strongmore Manor will haunt its halls forever."

I can vouch for that. I sneaked in for a dare in 1986, becoming the lucky thirteenth victim of Gregor Strongmore's curse.

I watch as another group of kids creep through the door. As if this place wasn't crowded enough.

Entry #2:

Steven could tolerate his roommates at first. The piercing screams, slamming doors and visions of hanged bodies were a small price to pay for buying a Victorian mansion so cheaply.

Then they took his cookies.

The cookies CLEARLY labeled with HIS name.

"That's it!" he screamed. "I'm calling an exorcist!"

#Writing #Ghost #Haunted house #R.L. Stine #Fun fact! When I was a kid I won second prize in a “Goosebumps” writing contest! #(There was one “grand prize” winner + 25 “first prize” winners + 50 “second prize” winners. So I was in the top 76.) #It was actually kind of the opposite of this. They gave you the opening (plus some prompts to include) and you had to write the rest. #Anyway that's how I got a signed copy of R.L. Stine's autobiography and it's still one of my prized possessions.

[qeyond]

Did I ever tell y'all that when I was a teen I was trying to write a fan fic about B before he did the LABB murders and I worked so hard on it and I put so much love and heart into it and it was very over dramatic and emo because it was like also a diary. But the thing I did was I made it B writing about himself (he wrote the fanfic) and then I also titled the fan fic "Just Being B". Like why does it sound like a sitcom, on paper reads like a sitcom, but is actually a hard, emotional retell of B's harrowing past and pains and horrors and all these fucked up reasons why he wanted to do the LABB crimes?

Anyway, Beyond Birthday possessed me to write his clown ass autobiography when I was 13 and he really loved doing it.

#qeyond sucks #absolutely crying thinking about this rn #because also i wasnt even going for a theme i was just slapping shit together and hoping it #would stick and its so so funny to me #accidentally making the most B-core autobiography for B written by B. #he would put a very classy black and white photo on the back panel of the book #and actually incude an authors note. #'new york times calls it Disturbing' #'''its like hes monologuing directly to me. i felt pulled in' says ThatOneMomOf24 of Instagram''' #etc etc theres reviews on the back cover of the book instead of like a legit description #theres no description of what this book is at all anywhere you have to just trust you know what new york times #meant by that :) #Beyond Birthday #death note

[colinhugh3s]

could NOT be prouder of jamie learning vocabulary, does he have a word-a-day calendar? does he listen to an english language podcast while working out? the possibilities are endless

#personal headcanon is that he reads footballer autobiographies to get a taste for what his is gonna be like #in 50 years watch out for jamie tartt: the rags to riches football success story #i love it tho #he seems like a nerdy little lad who'd get sucked into listening to bbc english lit podcasts to impress someone and then actually likes it #jamie tartt #ted lasso #ted lasso season 3