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dallonm-archive · 3 years

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TABBY | SHORT STORY UPDATES #4

In Tabby, a reclusive man who’d rather exist as a phantom than a human notices the neighbours aren’t feeding their cat, and is sucked into a world that breaks the stillness of his own.

Genre: literary fiction, “soft” noir (??)

POV: 1st person present, very observational and detached for most of the narrative

Setting: late 1940s/early 1950s, unnamed US city but implied to be Los Angeles

Atmosphere: a summer that’s sickly, orange juice, the smell of paint, shaky hands, peach skies, sunflowers, blood splatter, a cats purr, the gut feeling that something is very, very wrong

Literal Logline: this cat is my friend and he doesn’t judge me over silly little things like the murder i just committed (also i think he might be god??)

Hi I wrote a story about a cat and got way too into it and accidentally made it about murder and now it might be my favourite thing I’ve written! Lets talk about it! cw for murder and blood imagery!

general taglist ; @kowlazovdi @avi-burton-writing @ryns-ramblings @melpomeny @kitblogsthings @ezrathings @aetherwrites @bookphobe @haldimilks @alicewestwater @bookpacking @shaelinwrites @writingamongthecoloredroses @harehearts @zemnian @onlyganymede @theelectricfactory @write-like-babs @oceancold @notphilosopherstudentblog @veiliza @sidhewrites @wolf-oak @feverdreamwritings @oasis-of-you

This entire story sparked from this photo, which I couldn’t find a specific source for, but is cute and a Mood nonetheless!

My thought process was essentially “man sits on bench with cat...........and also.......murder?” I don’t know why my brain is like this!!!

I imagine this story being set in the late 40s/early 50s, but haven’t pinpointed exactly, in a suburb of Los Angeles (but this also isn’t clear in the story as of now). This used to be my go to setting when I was really into noir, and it was fun to return to that in a non-noir piece! This started out as purely literary, but now I do see some noir elements here. They’re just very subtle - nor was I intentionally trying to capture any - and the story misses some of the fundamental conventions. To me it’s almost like...soft noir? Noir lite?? I feel like it’s inherently noir and inherently not noir at the same time but I love the vibes of it a lot. There’s this “glow” to the story that I can’t exactly put into words, like a very subtle golden hour that is very tranquil and strangely undisturbed by the general chaos going on in the actual story

I took this setting, the vibes, and the idea of a character with an innate connection to this cat, plus a murder chucked somewhere in the middle and ran with it.

I wrote this over the course of a couple days, and it came very naturally! The prose is a little more sparse than my usual writing which made the process much quicker, and I’m really into this style at the moment. A lot of it is also internal thought, which y’all know is right up my alley. I really, really love the voice in this. It starts very unremarkable, but there is an unsettling undercurrent that grows and grows and it’s been very fun to blend the mundane and the creepy. This story really reignited my drive for short fiction because the trend lately has been coming up with an idea I love that just doesn’t translate on paper, but this one despite needing a good deal of work was very smooth!

I’d say this is my first successful attempt at a nameless/faceless character and it’s one of the most interesting experiences of character development I’ve had in a long time?? The only other time I’ve done this is in my story Rinse Cycle, but the narrator never really felt much like a character (which is very unusual for me), whereas the narrator in Tabby feels as fleshed out and nuanced as any of my characters with names or faces. I rarely focus on appearances for short story characters anyway, but I’ve never struggled with finding a name for a character and this narrator just Does Not want to be named. But I think that really fits him! He likes to be invisible and drift through life unnoticed, where he is merely an observer rather than a participant; so when he does get chucked into the middle of a very messy, very chaotic situation he essentially shuts down. I really like the tonal shift this creates where we go from a very detached narrative to very in the moment, very vivid and intense, like we go from 0 to 100 real quick. I don’t want to share a lot of plot details (which makes writing this a little frustrating sigh), but it ends with him committing a murder that, whilst intentional in the moment, is entirely impulsive and practically out of his control. He is not a natural killer and goes from barely being an emotional participant in his life to fully immersed in the moment and absolutely terrified by that. I’m really looking forward to digging deeper into his psychological state as I work on this draft because Boy We Don’t Have Time To Unpack All This. A quick summary of him would be though

people watcher, picks up more than he realises

living in a house he inherited from his dead father

made eye contact with a stranger and it was physically painful

quietly unhinged

doesn’t feel like he’s a person

oh no, now i have to face the consequences of my actions!

I’m trying to limit the amount of excerpts I post when it comes to short stories [because I am always basing the value of my content on prose I share which is! not healthy!], so the only writing I’m going to share is this little description that’s not very plot relevant, but is a good demonstration of this narrator’s funky little voice:

Every morning, at seven sharp, I routinely sit on the swinging bench behind my house to eat over easy eggs and burnt sausages. I still don’t understand how to cook meat. Behind me, cars murmur and sputter into the city, housewives chatter from their separate square gardens and I do not exist in the same reality as them. I am boxed in by off-white picket fence. The fence dividing my neighbours and I – a saffron coloured house with sunflowers bordering the perimeter – is painted pinkish red like an infected tongue. Every morning, I routinely think, that I do not know what’s stranger: how the red jolts the sun house’s otherwise harmonious existence, or the way the job was never finished. It’s not as if the painter died, because if the painter died there would be a corpse; perhaps blood spatter would darken against red wood, perhaps paint would pool out of the dropped can and mimic the presence of an exit wound.

Y’all might be wondering, where does the cat fit in all of this? And the answer is it’s complicated! In terms of form, we bounce between observations/interactions of the cats behaviour and the “main plot” of the story - which is to do with the rather unhinged new neighbours disrupting our neighbours unremarkable life. Thematically, the cat definitely symbolises a lot of things and opens up a lot of conversations that I still haven’t polished because well, we’re on draft one and I was focused on some funky Cat Descriptions. Some fun ideas include the distinction between human and animal, how capitalism is impeding on our chances to live a fulfilled life, and the idea that all humans do is overcomplicate everything. It’s presence also acts as a grounding technique for the narrator, since he so easily detaches himself from the rest of the world. The writing started with a scene of the act killing a mouse and how clean and simple it all is that I’m lowkey obsessed with, and is definitely some non-subtle foreshadowing for what comes later.

I like to joke that the cat is God because sometimes the narrator says some weird shit like, how the Earth stops orbiting the sun when the cat goes to sleep and how the cat doesn’t need to worry about predators because it hasn’t invented any. So the cat is not officially “God” but like,...,,It Might Be

Quickly adding this to the end but! Your girl finally has a (working title) for her collection! I’m not ready to share it yet because I’m still not 100% on it, I feel it matches the stories thematically but not always tonally, however it captures the core idea that I’ve been following so it’s good enough for me. This was a really important step because as much as I tried I could Not Visualise a collection at all without a title, which is v annoying because titling a collection is the worst!!! I was fine just writing short stories and letting them exist but I really wanted to build them as a cohesive collection as I went, and now I really like where it’s going - it’s definitely got a long way to go but I feel like I’ve finally managed to take control of it and steer it into a direction that reflects what I enjoy to write. I spent a lot of months clinging onto the collection I started in late 2018 before The Great Writing Hiatus Of 2019, even though it really didn’t resonate with me anymore, so I’m very happy to feel like I’m now on the right path and I feel the collection really shows my growth as a writer this year! This is definitely not set in stone, but I have a lot of fun imagining the potential order of the stories and right now it looks like:

[Some of these are stories unfinished, and some of them are finished and I just haven’t talked about them because I am the Worst at remembering to write short story updates, but tbh I’m thinking of just talking about them all briefly in a big post about the collection when I write a proper intro for it in the future]

We love to see it! I’m hoping to put a lot of time into this collection in 2021 and get some submissions rolling too (I had the goal of submitting at least one story by the end of this year and I! Don’t know if that’ll happen but January definitely). I’m likely going to be taking most of the year out of uni due to the whole global and mental turmoil rn [also I’d have to apply for writing masters atm and that is NOT happening lmfao], so I’m v v excited to have some extra writing time and see where this all goes!

#atlastracking #am writing #short stories #writeblr #i am once again posting at an odd time when my dash is ~dead~#also playing around w how i format these posts as always

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drxwsyni · 4 years

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Petrified (pt.4)

Yandere Erasermic x f!Reader

SERIES MASTERLIST

a/n: oooooh boy this took a hot minute to write, but i finally forced myself to finish it. and we reached 600 followers recently too!!!! i can’t believe there’s so many of you guys like holy heck. i hope you continue to enjoy what i have to offer :)

4.8k words

Warnings: reader experiences mild anxiety

As much as every ounce of your being begged to escape the confines of your small apartment and return to work, there were certain...motivators, holding you back.

For one, you presumed it’d be safest to heed the words of a medical professional―at least for the time being. Your condition had greatly improved since Friday, disregarding some lingering head pain, and now your self-preservation and common sense seemed to be functioning properly at the moment. In that regard, resting was likely the better idea.

As for the other thing keeping you home...perhaps it would be healthier not to think about it.

You felt ashamed, having been so undeniably intimidated by a couple of men who were simply being kind enough to drive you home last night. However the sensation didn’t come as a shock once you had taken the time to think the ordeal over.

It’s just what came naturally―your brain internalizing experiences, shaping them into something that should scare you.

Any rational person would laugh at your behaviour.

They’re heroes. Clearly what happened was just them expressing harmless concern.

And yet the more you tried to convince yourself of their innocent intentions, the harder it became to ignore the gut feeling that still lingered the morning after.

However, you knew how your brain could be sometimes―refusing to move on from initial impressions despite having rationalized the topic as a whole.

Hizashi was just naturally drawn to affection as a way of showing distress. There was no other meaning behind his lingering touches or endearing nicknames―just concern.

As for Shouta, well he always seemed to be a stern man. It was likely that it just manifests a bit more when he’s worried, it’s just the professionalism in him.

There was no need to stay so fixated on the subject when you could be using your time to catch up on hobbies that you’d greatly neglected as a result of your occupation. Having no reason for doing anything else, a little self-indulgence was practically your only choice.

It was still early, at least for your standards―knowing full well that your lifestyle kept you in bed longer than the average human.

You kept searching for things to do here and there, never staying on one task for too long. First it was cleaning the kitchen, then attempting to read a long abandoned novel. You tried finding something on t.v to watch, but everything only offered you the same empty feeling of boredom. Nothing could pique your interest long enough to hold you to one pastime―and for good reason.

There was a message from Hizashi that remained unopened on your phone since you woke up.

It felt ridiculous, being so hesitant to look at the damned message. Even after telling yourself that there was nothing to worry about, you couldn’t bring yourself to read it. So when you heard the familiar ping not once, but twice in succession while organizing your magazine collection, the feeling of your heart sinking into your stomach did not come as a surprise.

The device was still on your nightstand where you disregarded it last night, and subsequently neglected it this morning. Even through the walls of your bedroom you could still hear the notifications go off.

Inwardly cursing, you had a faint idea that continuing to block out the intrusion would likely lead to more issues between you and the two men. Not that it should, everyone forgets to answer their phone here and there. But you weren’t an idiot―even if it was just paranoia, the consequences of ignoring the messages weren’t something you particularly wanted to think about given the recent behaviour of the heroes.

As expected, the screen was lit up in wait for your return.

From: Hizashi

morning sunshine! just checking up on ya, how r u feeling?

9:17 am

ya doing okay? didn’t pass out again i hope ;)

12:53 pm

if ya keep leaving me hangin i’m gonna get worried songbird…

12:54 pm

Ah yes, you thought, he’s as coddling as normal it seems.

You figured it’d be wise to send a reply before he bust down your door to make sure you were still alive in person.

You:

I’m alright! Just slept in a little :)

12: 54 pm

The response that came instantly was almost a little inhumanly fast.

From: Hizashi

oh thank god, don’t need a repeat of last friday

12:54 pm

You:

Yeah, definitely not. Thanks for checking up on me though!

12:56 pm

From: Hizashi

lemme know if ya need anything picked up, probably not a good idea for you to be going out rn

12:56 pm

Naturally, you wouldn’t let him do that even if you did need anything. God knows how much trouble you’ve been so far―no need to cause more.

You:

Sounds good, I’ll let you know if I do.

I’m actually in the middle of cleaning right now so how bout we talk later :)

12:57 pm

The more you conversed with him, the harder it became to think about anything other than the embarrassing experiences you had with the man. It was probably best if you gave up the conversation, knowing you’d have more than enough time to chat when you regrettably were forced to eat dinner with him and his partner.

Thankfully, he seemed to be okay with the proposition as well.

From: Hizashi

aww alright, don’t work urself too hard sunshine!

12:58 pm

Too bothered to give a proper farewell, you turned your phone off, leaving it on do not disturb to avoid further distress.

_____

You’d spent the rest of the day tidying up here and there. It turns out focusing solely on going to work only to come home for rest had left your apartment shamefully messy. Every now and again your thoughts would drift back to the two intrusions in your life as of lately. It was invasive―not being able to leave well enough alone. You weren’t physically near them they still plagued you with anxiety, even if it was just barely recognizable.

Dinnertime came soon enough, and you’d spent it mindlessly scrolling through social media. The feeling of wanting to chuck your phone across the room was fleeting―but present―as you momentarily laid eyes on a post having to do with Present Mic and his radio show. It would seem not even in your perceived distraction could you distance yourself from the thoughts and feelings related to him and his somber counterpart.

The night went on, slowly but surely. For better or for worse you let yourself get lost in the endless play-through of television. Some shows you’d seen before, others you hadn’t. It didn’t really matter when the only purpose they served was to keep your mind on something that didn’t have your hair falling out from stress.

Eventually you felt your mind become foggy with exhaustion once again―and you couldn’t be more thankful.

_____

Wednesday was spent doing many of the same things as the day before. Cleaning―so much cleaning. Turns out you’d missed a lot yesterday, and the lighting of the somewhat early morning sun was more than enough to highlight all the dirt and grime that had yet to be scrubbed away.

So you got to work, feeling rejuvenated with a good night’s sleep.

By the time you made it to six o’clock you felt thoroughly beat, and in the best way. You spent your time eating thinking about the work day you would have tomorrow. Sure, you were aware that it’d only bring the all too familiar sluggishness to your body. But you were a people pleaser, so really that sensation didn’t matter at the end of the day. What mattered was the motivation you felt that spurred you to work―both the verbal and nonverbal praise those who purchased the fruits of your labour gave.

Expectedly, when you woke up Thursday morning, although it was closer to the afternoon at that point, there was a spring in your step as you readied yourself for the day.

As always the comforting smell of fresh greenery in the air was much appreciated as you stepped into the floral boutique. Your coworker greeted you with open arms, regarding your seemingly healthy recovery. It was nearing the end of their shift, and therefore soon to be the beginning of yours, so you headed to the employee designated portion of the building to make the few preparations for the start of your night.

Naturally, you were quickly subjected to the whims and demands of customers when you took your place at the front counter. Given the monotonous time you spent away from any meaningful stimulation, the activity was appreciated.

You were assorting foliage left right and center, the company you worked for obtaining quite the substantial amount of earnings in the process. The time went by steadily, you working diligently alongside of it. Request after request was met, not even the few unsavoury interactions phased you all the much amidst the bustling atmosphere. A few familiar faces entered the shop, to which you greeted with a comforting warmth only good service could provide.

It felt good to be caught up in routine, making the nearing end of it only the more bitter. But it still came, and you were going through the motions of tending to the final arrangement with somewhat slowed movements as a result of your quirk usage.

The awaiting customer hastily took the finished product before paying and exiting the establishment. People tended to be in a bit of a rush at this hour, likely due to the lateness of the night. You disregarded the occurrence and settled for cleaning up for the rest of your shift.

There was sweeping and disinfecting to be done, along with tidying up the assembly station and checking on the greenery room one last time. You went through the tasks absentmindedly, having done them countless times before. The routine was like second nature, allowing your thoughts to go over the events of the workday.

You were giving a final once over of the plant life when the high pitched jingle of the front door bell rang out through the shop.

Really? At this hour you’re trying to buy flowers even though it’s literally closing time?

Giving a sigh of frustration you stepped out of the room and headed to the front. But low and behold, it was not in fact an incompetent customer waiting to be served.

“Did you even consider staying home for the whole week?” The erasure hero was leaning against the front counter when you entered the room. He was smirking ever so slightly, almost as if he knew that both of you were aware that you wouldn’t stay away from work. His tone was even teasing, making your frustrations go away only to be replaced by a slight feeling of flusteredness under his intense gaze. You didn’t know whether you preferred this side of him or the side that made you want to curl into a ball after being berated by unyielding lecturing mixed with interrogation.

“Hello to you too. I’m sorry if you're here for flowers cause it’s pretty much closing time.”

Just then Hizashi walked out from behind a display stand, making his way next to Shouta. “Not quite listener! Just wanted to make sure you were still up for that repayment we talked about.”

Ah yes, like you could forget that any time soon.

“Of course. Still not sure how it makes up for things but since you insist...who am I to say no?” You were behind the counter, taking stock of today's earnings as Shouta continued.

“I suppose it’s not really a traditional form of repayment, but we promise you’ll enjoy it. To be honest we don’t have company over often, so it’ll be a nice change of pace for us too.”

It was a relief to see that their behaviour wasn’t nearly as hostile as it was a few nights ago. Frankly, you just barely got out of that situation without breaking down from your highly anxious nerves.

“Ya finishing up there songbird? We’ll give you a ride home.” Joyous as ever, Hizashi was all too eager to put you further in debt.

Expectedly, his partner was quick to agree to the proposition. “That’s not a bad idea. Not to sound patronizing, but it really is dangerous to be out by yourself at this hour.”

You wrapped up the assessment of the register’s contents, closing the drawer and locking it up. “Thanks for the offer, but I refuse to impose on you two anymore. Besides, walking home can be kinda therapeutic―at least when I’m not tired out of my mind.” You gave a slight chuckle at the end of your statement, having long gotten used to that recurring condition at the end of the day.

“We weren’t asking, (y/n). You're still recovering, even though you probably won’t admit it. And I won’t beat around the bush―you’re too vulnerable in this state.”

It would seem Shouta’s previous attitude was just for show. Does he ever get tired of being so serious all the time?

It was like second nature at this point―direct confrontation leading to an initially mild panic that would soon snowball into a full blown breakdown if the occurrence persists.

You kept up the friendly appearance nonetheless.“I just think I’d prefer―”

“It’s no problem, sweetheart. You know we don’t mind helpin’ ya out. Besides we still gotta work out when you’re comin over, yeah?” The blond’s smile did little to calm the growing apprehension you felt.

Just be a little more stubborn. Some people need that extra reminder.

“It’s fine, really. I’ll just message you for the details and―”

“(Y/n).” It made your stomach churn―the lowness in the erasure hero's voice. He wasn’t having it. For a moment you pondered whether he’d ever really care about what you had to say.

“Just finish closing up, ‘kay hun? We’ll wait right here until you’re done.” Hizashi kept his eyes on you in wait for a response, or even an action that would show you’d comprehended what they said. And of course you had―you just desperately wished they’d never said it in the first place.

You felt ashamed, and it was becoming an all too familiar feeling when you were around the two men. But it was just who you were, met with compassion but only getting dejected by it. You were uncomfortable, there was no denying that. Backed into a corner that shouldn’t exist, but does because you didn’t have the will to change the situation into your favour.

Despite your distress, the part of you that put others before yourself prevailed.

“Okay, I guess. Just―um...gimme a few minutes please.” You wondered if they could even hear your reply, given that even to yourself it sounded almost non existent. It didn’t matter. You were fleeing to the employee room without bothering to find out.

You stood in front of your locker, hands shaking in the slightest as you got changed―apron off, jacket on, backpack slung over your shoulder. The coolness of the thin metal offered some relief, you keeping your hands atop the closed door for a moment to calm your rapidly beating heart.

At least you’d get home quickly, you thought.

As they promised, the two were waiting in the seating area at the front of the shop, quietly making conversation with each other. The sound of your footsteps alerted them to your presence.

“Ready to rock and roll?” Hizashi stood up from his seat, his partner following suit.

You gave the room a quick once over, making sure everything was where it needed to be. “I think so.” A quiet ride back home was what you hoped for, but there was more to be discussed, much to your dismay.

Shouta held the door open for the two of you, letting you pause to lock up when you had all exited. “How was work today?”

The closeness of his voice as you turned the lock into place made you jump slightly, but you did your best to ignore the temporary fear. “Fine, I suppose. Like any other Thursday night…” You tried to hide the underlying anxiety with a smile, but you couldn’t tell whether or not it did the trick. Giving the front door an experimental tug to make sure it was locked, you turned back to let the two lead you to their car.

You felt a hand settle on the small of your back―Shouta’s hand―as he walked with you while Hizashi remained on your other side, slightly ahead of you. “How’s your head doing, is the medication working?”

The two walked at a casual pace, but to you it felt unbearably slow―what you wouldn’t give to just walk home without the admittedly unwelcomed company. “It still hurts a bit every now and then, but the pills keep the pain at bay for the most part.”

By now you were approaching their car which was parked on the side of the road, the blond opening it for you to step in. Shouta took up the responsibility of driving once again, Hizashi in the passenger's seat.

“Ya gettin’ enough sleep?” You were sitting behind the driver's seat, letting Hizashi have the opportunity to comfortably look back at you while he talked.

“Probably more than enough.”

You heard Shouta start the car before he responded. “That’s good to hear. It’s unfortunate that your work keeps you out so late though.” The car started forward, and you were thankful that at this rate it’d only take a few minutes to reach your apartment. You kept your eyes trained on the passing scenery to avoid any awkward eye contact.

“So when do ya think would be a good day to come over. I’ve got my radio show on Fridays and weekdays don’t always sit too well with teaching ‘n stuff.”

“Yeah...Fridays definitely won’t work for me either. Honestly I don’t really get much time for myself outside of work.” Not that you weren’t used to this reality by now, but every so often you wished your life allowed for just a little more free time. If anything, the horrid state you found your apartment to be in when you were forced to stay home would surely attest to that.

It would seem that Shouta agreed with his partner’s statement, “How about this Saturday? I can come pick you up at around 5:30.”

You contemplated whether it was even worth arguing over letting him give you a ride to their place. And then you remembered exactly what landed you in their car in the present.

You probably wouldn’t get very far with that fight.

“That should be fine.” It was only in your nature to want to offer some form of compensation. You knew that this whole ordeal was meant to be you repaying them, so you should at least try to cater to that reality. “I can make something to bring so you guys don’t have to do all the work. Cooking isn’t really my strong suit but I’m a pretty decent baker―maybe I could put something together for dessert?”

“Nah don’t bother with that babe. We’re supposed to be treating you, remember?”

“Exactly, and I doubt any of us will have room for desert. Another time maybe.”

“Yep! Besides, you being there’s all the sweetness we need.” You didn’t have to look at Hizashi to know the grin he had on his face as he threw around careless sentiments like his literal partner wasn’t sitting right next to him.

The car was pulling into the parking lot of your apartment complex. To be honest you didn’t know how to respond to the nonchalant compliment, “Ah...yeah. Just let me know if there’s any change in plan I guess.” The vehicle came to a stop, you pulling your backpack into your lap while unbuckling the seatbelt.

“Don’t stay up too late, okay?” This time you didn’t make the mistake of looking at Shouta as he talked, for fear that his glare would burn holes through your skull. Instead you pretended to fiddle with something on your bag while responding.

“Yeah, thanks for the ride.”

The car door unlocked, letting you step outside into the brisk fresh air. Before you could close the door you heard Hizashi calling out to you, hand placed behind the headrest of his partner’s seat as he turned to speak to you. “We can give you a ride home tomorrow after work if ya’d like. Shouta’s got nothin’ going on―it’d be no trouble.”

“No,” that was definitely not something you needed, “I’ve got something I need to do after work actually, but thanks for the offer.” There was nothing to attend to after your shift, but they didn’t need to know that. Lying was never something you were the best at, and you hoped the shakiness in your voice didn’t give too much away.

“Alrighty then songbird, just thought I’d ask.”

“Have a good night (y/n).”

You smiled at the blond facing you, “Thanks, you too.” Before they could get another word out, as at this point you felt they would take up more of your time if possible, you shut the car door. Once again giving a small wave before you entered the building, you found it all too hard to contemplate how you’d politely weasel your way out of this newly developed relationship after the ensuing Saturday night.

_____

Friday came and went as expected. Waking up with the familiar sluggishness plaguing your body, moving past the sensation to go about your duties―everything falling into place as routine. Meeting the demands of love-stricken individuals was as taxing as normal, but it was all you had to make you feel like you were contributing something valuable to society. At the end of the day it was worth doing questionable things to your health.

The slightly less honourable motivation in the form of decent tips was always an added bonus. Your co-workers mentioned a few times that somehow you always ended up with a higher profit than the rest of them. It made you feel slightly guilty, but the usage of your quirk was likely the reasoning behind the occurrence.

Nights like these always ended with more earnings than normal―given the sheer volume of customers compared to the typical weekday traffic. Right now you took solace in the reward as you usually do at the end of your shift, thumbing through the few generous bills you received.

Satisfied with the haul, you completed your mental checklist that you’d formed over time to ensure that all tasks were completed by the end of the day. Your keys felt heavy in your wearied hands as you locked up, turning on the heels of your feet in the direction of your awaiting apartment.

You’d be lying if you said you were surprised to see that the two mildly invasive heroes hadn’t checked in to see that you were actually busy after work. Not that you wanted them to―having to lie once again wasn’t in your best interest. Still, the phenomenon that was their recurring presence had not gone unnoticed. More often than not you found your thoughts drifting to past experiences with them, and therefore regrettably resurfacing some unpleasant feelings.

For now however, you did your best to fixate on other, less mentally damaging things. In light of recent events you chose to take the long way home, inwardly shuddering as you passed the alleyway which you ever so carelessly ventured into exactly a week ago.

Maybe you were just hyperaware due to some lingering paranoia, but you could’ve sworn you could make out rustling in certain places around you―places that shouldn’t exactly be making that much noise.

Behind you. No...above you? Or was it both―the sounds distinct but lacking just enough to throw off your comprehension to make a full analysis of their origin.

Forget about it for God’s sake. You’re tired. It’s been a long day and you’re anxious because you got jumped just seven days ago in the same area.

But you could hear it.

Shifting in the shadows. Muffled but there all the same.

Footsteps?

The possibility had your heart rate growing faster by the second.

Not footsteps, just your mind playing tricks on you. You’re okay.

Unconsciously, your pace grew quicker, the patter of your shoes hitting the pavement sounding off below you. In the midst of your panic riddled thoughts you failed to register that you’d reached your destination.

An audible sigh escaped your lips as you observed the towering building with gratitude.

You kept up the hastened strides, reaching your apartment in good time. The time between stepping through the threshold of the abode and when your head hit your pillow was a blur―but really those monotonous details weren’t all that imperative.

As much as you wanted to get a good night's sleep, your subconscious had other plans. You reached the state of deep slumber that you desired, but it was riddled with offending nightmares.

Dark looming figures in the corner of your eyes, disappearing when you tried to get a good look at them. Running from something that placed a deep set fear into your very being, despite not having even seen what the atrocity was.

It left you to wake in a cold, sticky feeling sweat. Disheveled and disoriented, the time didn’t quite matter―wanting only for the feeling of trepidation to dissipate so you can return to a hopefully more peaceful sleep.

_____

Keys clattered loudly on the glass countertop of the side table in the entryway as Shouta haphazardly emptied his pocket’s contents. The sound of a running shower could be heard on the floor above him, making the presence of his boisterous partner known. He removed the heavy combat boots of his hero costume and lazily sauntered to the shared bedroom.

By the time he got there the shower had turned off, and he occupied himself with changing out of his attire for something less restricting in wait for the blond to make an appearance.

He’d just finished getting settled when Hizashi exited the attached washroom to their bedroom, hair still damp and lightly soaking the t-shirt he’d thrown on. “Well, don’t keep me waiting’”

The voice hero leaned against the headboard of their bed, “She didn’t have any plans, I watched her walk straight home after her shift and she never left the apartment either.”

Hizashi’s usually persistently bright smile faltered, “Ah...she probably forgot about them or something.”

“Do you really believe that?”

The disappointment was evident in the blond’s face, “Would she really just lie to us like that, even though we’re tryin’ to help her?”

The erasure hero sighed, “She’s self-destructive, it wouldn’t be the first time we’ve seen her put herself in danger without second thought.”

“God, Shou’―and she’s always shakin’ like a leaf. I don’t even think the poor thing realizes she’s doin’ it either.”

Shouta looked to the ceiling for a moment as if searching for an answer that would please his partner, “We can try and bring it up with her―see if there’s a reason behind all this.”

“And what if she lies to us again, huh? I can’t keep watching her hurt herself babe.”

At that the erasure hero stood up from his position on the bed, making his way over to the washroom in hopes of a shower relaxing his nerves. “We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. Let’s just see how dinner goes first, okay?”

“But what if she never tells us what’s goin’ on? I mean she’s already avoiding us for christ’s sake, what’s to stop her from―”

“If anything happens we’ll deal with it ‘Zashi. I don’t want to hear anything more of it until after we sit down with her, got it?” He paused at the doorway as emphasis, waiting for his partner's agreement on the matter.

“Yeah okay, sorry.”

“Don’t be, I care about her too, remember?” With that he closed the door before his partner could add to the conversation.

_____

When you did finally wake up from that hellish night, almost entirely riddled with disturbing dreams, you were left with a lingering feeling of dread. A pit in your stomach that remained persistent no matter how much you tried to think of something other than the incomprehensible yet sickening scenarios that unwillingly played out inside your head.

Looking at your phone didn’t help you settle into a more agreeable state either.

It was just past midday―giving you roughly five hours until you had to pull yourself together to sit through what was hopefully the last encounter with the two heroes.

For now however, you listened to the sound of the birds chirping outside your window―it was always easier to get lost in your surroundings than actively trying to solve your own issues.

Maybe by the time you had to leave you’d feel better. But even if you didn’t, the dull ache of ailment was always persistent in your life in one way or another―so what was one more problem?

End of Part 4

_____

taglist: @roseloverofpastels @shinsous-eye-bags @tjhonoluluprezstitch626 @pekusofixus @riarora @glitterypinkkitty

#yandere bnha #yandere erasermic #yandere eraserhead #yandere present mic #yandere my hero academia #yandere shouta aizawa #yandere hizashi yamada #yandere mha

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itsallavengers · 4 years

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Rhodey still cuts the crusts off Tony sandwiches. Also I REALLY WANNA KNOW how you think he reacted when he found out Tony and Steve were into each other because I've got like a million different scenes of how that would play out running through my head rn

bfgkfhgfkejgnff Rhodey DOES cut the crusts off just bc he knows Tony never rlly liked them and like, c’mon, it’s just habit now…. He’ll always make Tony fruit plates as well despite the fact that Tony is actually a pretty healthy guy now. Rhodey can never forget the month where he ate nothing but pot noddle and red bull. It haunts his dreams.

ALSO as for Steve…….. listen. Steve’s always been kinda…. uh,,,,, scared of Rhodey, mostly bc he knows how close Tony and Rhodey are and how protective Rhodey is of him, so he always feels like when he and Tony argue he’s gonna get slaughtered in his sleep or something. Also Rhodey ranks higher than Steve in the military by a significant amount and he likes to pull rank on Steve whenever they’re together. He thinks Rhodey might never have warmed to him fully, if he’s being honest. Again, probably bc of his and Tony’s early arguments,,, and then like legit on the same night that Tony and Steve finally get together Steve has to ask Tony to please tell Rhodey asap, just so that he doesn’t. You know. Find out through secondary sources and jump to any conclusions. Or break into Steve’s room while he’s sleeping and threaten him with violence.

And Tony’s just like oh sweetie,,,,, he’s gonna threaten u with violence no matter what I say to him. He’s been on the case against all of my partners since 1981. U don’t stand a chance.

Even like two years into their relationship Steve doesn’t do much more than hold Tony’s hand while Rhodey’s in the room. He’s not gonna risk it

#gjekjhfgfnf #BIG BROTHER RHODEY RIGHTS!#james rhodes #tony stark #Anonymous

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healthtech102 · 3 years

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After Hours Medical Advice

As you know, and certain have in mind every day, nursing is a career that carries a huge amount of duty. Be sure to guard your self, especially when asked for advice in an informal setting.

No, Uncle Bob has cornered you within the hallway after Christmas dinner. In trying back, I realize that not as soon as during this experience did anyone INVITE me into a discussion of what could be best for my mother.

She spent two nights in the hospital beneath remark, with IV hydration. Now, admittedly, she has varying levels of dementia even on a good day, but she reached the point of getting severe hallucinations and paranoia.

Having a whole remedy group looking out for you and preparing a discharge plan that is going to set you up for achievement. 90 days of therapy allows for the affected person to work via many of the above mentioned considerations and we treat it using an American Society of Addiction Medicine dimensional assessment.

The general size of keep in remedy that is really helpful is often ninety days. Health safety and prevention is the key to staying healthy for the long haul. From easy blood checks and vaccines now to mammograms and colonoscopies later, your doctor might help you turn into the healthiest model of you.

Although it might appear to be a problem now, one hour in a physician’s workplace now can add years of health to your life. When we have well being questions and considerations, it’s easy to show to good ol’ WebMD for answers. And even though the Internet can be a great well being useful resource, reading about your health points online can usually lead to pointless fear and fear. Remember, you might be unique and deserve a customized evaluation.

So instead of browsing the web for a generic, or even worse, incorrect answer, talk to a doctor in particular person to get the total image—and to cease dropping sleep over your questions (see reason number 5!). While I’ll be the primary to confess that a trip to the gynecologist’s workplace isn’t my favourite way to spend a day, annual pelvic exams are a important a part of any girl’s preventative health care.

Will we have to battle the battle of keyword voids at a grassroots degree, wrangling with the asymmetry of passion by tapping folks to search out these voids and create counter-content material? Do we need to arrange counter-GoFundMe campaigns to pay for ad campaigns that promote real science?

Do not rely on a form’s basic remark that “risks of leaving were discussed with the patient,” he says. That doesn't negate the value of those documents, however they should not be the sum complete of the hospital’s evidence displaying efforts to provide care.

First, the hospital must reconcile any excellent diagnostics, as a result of if any checks had been ordered, the hospital is still liable for checking the results to make certain nothing critical was identified, he says.

Despite our protests, she saved making an attempt to pull out the IV fluid line from her arm and the gizmo , and tugged at her gown. The paper-thin pores and skin on her arms was black and blue from a number of blood attracts. Successful treatment begins with an correct diagnosis, and our experts take the time to get it right.

A team of specialists will listen to your needs and evaluate your condition from each angle to make the very best plan for you. Every year, more than one million individuals come to Mayo Clinic for care.

If witnessed by RN, have them doc the time the patient left in addition to the standing of their IV. If an IV is still in place, first try to contact the affected person after which their emergency contact.

From all the information you've gathered from the Internet and your research, it's time for you to go to your physician with this data and get to know the details. It is important to decide on doctors with whom you're feeling snug.

The level of questioning I got in response to my advice was almost insulting at times. In my head, I advised these callers, “If you trusted me sufficient to name me together with your ailment, why aren’t you trusting my opinion?

Our highly specialized experts are deeply skilled in treating rare and complex circumstances. I actually have been put in this identical position so many times, that I lastly, like you, needed to tell them to contact their supplier or go to the ER/Urgent Care.

I owned a small household follow clinic and some would actually present up there quite than going to their PCP or ER. I do perceive how onerous it is to tell them to go to their PCP’s, but I believe that is the proper motion. We love our family and pals and do not need to see them ill or in ache, however we additionally want them to obtain goal care.

I actually have been practicing as a Nurse and APP for over 15 years now and have found, for me, robust boundaries come with time. You don’t have a look at them as patients, but as whomever they are to you.

YOUR ability to want them to be OK and not be as goal as you'd be with a affected person. Another disagreeable facet effect of trying to assist was the pushback I received.

doctor certification, from the Membership of the Royal College of General Practitioners, and checked performance towards historic outcomes from an independent 2015 examine that evaluated several symptom checkers. symptom checker seems as a chatbot that users can work together with by way of an app or web site. When the consumer varieties out their primary symptoms as a quick sentence or phrase, the symptom checker asks questions about possible related signs.

According to the NIH, 30-40% of Americans report having occasional symptoms of insomnia and 10-15% report persistent issue sleeping—with ladies representing nearly all of those affected.

While you could assume that a poor night’s sleep simply means you’ll need an extra cup of espresso in the morning, chronic sleep problems can actually improve the lengthy-time period threat of hypertension, melancholy, and diabetes. treatment medical disclaimer A physician’s visit can help identify attainable underlying causes for your restless nights—and get you the help you should truly get some zzzs.

Does your family have a history of diabetes, excessive cholesterol, heart disease, cancer, or another significant illness? If so, you could be at risk for these conditions, too—and there are likely issues you can do to decrease that danger. A doctor may help you find out and work with you to determine which screening exams you want.

"Casual" could exit the window, if the individual you advise feels you have triggered them harm; together with your recommendation or deeds. State legal guidelines differ greatly and litigation can truly change the legal guidelines as time passes. So as a nursing skilled, even if your action or advice was justifiable, there isn't a safety from being sued . You might prevail and be discovered "not liable" if sued, but by then you'll have gone by way of plenty of wasted time and pointless stress.

They might help detect vaginal infections, together with sexually transmitted ailments , and should often embody a PAP smear for cervical cancer screening. Although you might have heard about some current adjustments to screening recommendations, the U.S. Preventative Services Task Force nonetheless wants women between the ages of 21 to 65 to get a Papanicolaou test (a.k.a. PAP smear) a minimum of each three years (or more incessantly when you’ve ever had abnormal results).

The lawsuit claimed that Dr M had failed to recognize the patient’s skull fracture and improperly released him when he was intoxicated, and that the delay in treating the fracture was attributable for approximately half of the affected person’s neurological deficits. Later that day, a hospital radiologist learn the affected person’s x-ray and famous a markedly depressed left parietal cranium fracture.

Or will the tech platforms where that is occuring start to grasp that giving legitimacy to health misinformation by way of high search and social rankings is profoundly dangerous? Getting excessive-quality, fact-based well being information shouldn’t be dependent on the result of SEO video games, or on who has extra assets for pay-to-play content promotion. few hours of a newborn’s life, medical doctors administer a vitamin K shot.

This is as a result of infants are born with out sufficient of the vitamin, and the child wants a boost to prevent any potential bleeding. The documentation also should detail the discussion with the affected person regarding potential risks from leaving AMA, Merkrebs says.

The reasons for refusing additionally may be wide-ranging, every little thing from worries about the price to concern about ache or dying, or dislike of being touched, photographs, surgical procedure, or drugs. Once a affected person is examined beyond triage and exams are ordered, a departure at that time could be classified as left without completing remedy , Klauer notes.

Patients leaving the emergency room too soon “are intentionally putting themselves at extra danger for morbidity and even mortality,” Polevoi stated — a degree echoed by other physicians. Ko stated the column will proceed as long as individuals want to study totally different health subjects. Connect with a medical skilled everytime you need one, 24/7, for customized recommendation and prescription, if deemed necessary.

At the end, the symptom checker identifies possible causes and recommends a course of action, similar to reserving a video consultation with a human physician or going to a hospital. The patient and his family consulted with a plaintiff’s attorney who agreed to take the case. Dr M was shocked to find out that he was being sued for medical malpractice.

Within each of these kinds of AMA, there may be further breakdowns when it comes to why the person is leaving, he notes. The affected person might not want any care of any type, or the refusal could also be extra limited — refusing the particular kind of care being provided, as an example, but still willing to be handled.

That's to not say all of the internet is unhealthy, it is okay to make use of Google for health questions when you use a credible supply and if it prompts you to go to your doctor should you could have considerations. Without limiting the generality of the foregoing, the Author makes no representations or warranties with respect to any Information offered or offered within or via the Site relating to treatment of medical circumstances, motion, or software of treatment.

“When sufferers convey themselves into the ED, they are seen in about 5 minutes by a qualified registered nurse and, on common, are seen by a supplier within 30 minutes of arrival,” Thomas mentioned in a press release.

From 2012 to 2017, the variety of emergency room encounters in Fresno County elevated by nearly ninety five,000, or 37%. At Fresno’s Community Regional Medical Center, about 9% of ER encounters ended with a patient leaving too quickly, greater than 3 times the statewide fee.

If no success, contact the police non-emergently to aid in finding the affected person. In this situation, the patient has not but interacted with a doctor. There isn't much to do here as long as the provider by no means met the patient, if so, they might be in a different category.

There are no known instances the place the ED, or ED Providers, have been sued and located to be at fault or responsible for an end result. We recognized people ages with International Classification of Diseases, 9thRevision prognosis codes for infective endocarditis within the National Inpatient Sample, a representative pattern of United States hospitalizations from January 2010 to September 2015.

We plotted unadjusted quarter-year developments for AMA discharges and used multivariable logistic regression to establish elements associated with AMA discharge among IE hospitalizations, evaluating IDU-IE to non-IDU-IE.

The police were notified, and the patient was taken from jail back to the hospital. At the hospital, he was monitored for a number of hours and then taken to surgical procedure where the depressed fracture fragments have been elevated. However, Mr G ended up suffering a brain injury from the fracture which affected his cognitive talents, and which prevented him from with the ability to hold down a job. The police knowledgeable Dr M that the patient, a 24-yr old named Mr G, had been the perpetrator of an assault and in the process was hit within the head with a blunt object by a bystander.

The police had been called, and found him mendacity on the street, clearly intoxicated and with a bloodied head. They took him to the ED, however Mr G was uncooperative and initially refused any treatment. When most individuals hear these words, they're whispered by an overcoated stranger on the bus or a counterfeit Prada peddler gesturing towards the trunk of a car.

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kondo-hijikata · 6 years

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not reblogging the meme since my answers are gonna be about...

THEM!

General, in a canon setting:

How long will they last? - FOREVER. even after nagareyama. they’re chillin in space rn wondering why a bunch of foreigner kids are running blogs about them

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - the attraction was immediate. kat-chan was visiting toshi’s brother-in-law when they met, and toshi was so taken with the tennen rishin ryu (and its master) that he decided to train seriously. they got on really well but it wasn’t until that day they were sitting by the lake when toshi realized he was actually falling in love with kat-chan. and who wouldn’t, honestly? kat-chan told him it was okay to be himself, instead of what the world wanted of him. 20/10 marriage material

How was their first kiss? - soft. almost shy. they both pined quietly and toshi was content with that instead of confessing and potentially ruining everything...until kat-chan was just so radiant by candlelight and the moment was perfect.

Wedding, in a modern au setting:

Who proposed? - kat-chan. despite that they already discussed getting married multiple times, being officially asked came as a surprise to toshi. they picked out wedding rings together but lo and behold, kat-chan went on his own to buy pair set engagement rings. when they were visiting their families in tama, they took a walk one night and went back to their spot by the lake...and that’s when kat-chan officially asked him. whAT A FLUFFY DORK.

Who is the best man/men? - souji for kat-chan and the sait for toshi

Who is the bride’s maid(s)? - tbh, the whole shieikan crew is in the wedding party. they told chizuru to pick her dress but she ended up wearing a suit like the rest of everyone else because #shieikan solidarity. (consequently, i was there and i fell in love with her.)

Who did the most planning? - yall know toshi would be a groomzilla lmao

Who stressed the most? - toshi. kat-chan kept trying to help...even if toshi kept yelling. eventually, he gave in tho. lol like kat-chan would totally try to delegate tasks to their sword sons and take toshi out to attempt alleviating his stress. he’s Good

How fancy was the ceremony? - it was neither over the top or overly simple: a venue large enough to host their guests for the actual ceremony and reception. there’s often an after-party in modern japanese weddings, so they went to an upscale bar type of place for theirs

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - kat-chan wrestled with the idea of inviting serizawa out of courtesy...until toshi (softly) hit him on the head with a magazine

Sex, in a canon and/or au setting:

Who is on top? - consider this: toshi is a bottom whether he’s penetrated or penetrating 👀

Who is the one to instigate things? - both do

How healthy is their sex life? - it’s healthy...as in it’s never expected or taken for granted. they fuck as much or as little as they want and neither is left feeling like something is missing

How kinky are they? - i mean...lmao. kinky is such a subjective word. whatever they do is 10000% consensual and with the other’s respect and comfort in mind at all times

How long do they normally last? - however long they want???

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - nah. i mean, i get this question is probably asking if one is more selfish than the other and just takes and takes without ever giving. but also consider one getting the other off when he’s had a rough day. 👀 👀 👀 or under-the-desk head at work lmao

How rough are they in bed? - however rough they wanna be at that particular time. again, it’s always about respect and comfort.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - they’re not into PDA but when they’re alone, they like to be in contact with each other...reading together, spooning at night (until it gets too hot or toshi is annoyed by the breathing on his neck lmao), hella kisses when the door is closed

Children, in a canon setting :

How many children will they have naturally? - 0. loophole ftw

How many children will they adopt? - add up the amount of people younger than them who were in the shin//sengumi and there’s your answer

Who is the stricter parent? - oh, that’s hijimama for sure lol

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts? - i mean...they’re here to kill cho//shu trash so... they’re both particularly protective over souji (since they basically raised him). kat-chan also is very fond of heisuke, while toshi is fond of yamazaki and the sait

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - pSHHH the only cooking either might do is making something small for the other. the sword kids will have to rely on the kitchen staff. ...though kat-chan does show up with sweets every now and then ;D

Who is the more loved parent? - depends on who you’re asking... lol Favored Dads™ is a legit thing

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings with matsudaira? kat-chan...though if it’s important enough, toshi will accompany him

Who cried the most at graduation serizawa’s funeral? - i heard someone saying how toshi got all teary-eyed LMAOOOOO give him an edo-era oscar

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - they ARE the law...with their own laws...which include seppuku...so their kids best not fuck up.

Cooking, in a modern au setting :

Who does the most cooking? - it depends but it’s mostly equal or a joint effort

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - neither. even in a present day au, kat-chan is still hella adamant about appreciating meals and it rubbed off on toshi

Who does the grocery shopping? - they go together

How often do they bake desserts? - nah lmao

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - depends on the mood. here’s to everyone being able to eat whatever they want. do so in my honor.

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - probably kat-chan lmao

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - either one but i can see them skipping fancy and expensive places for cheap and yummy

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidentally while cooking? - neither lol

Chores, in a modern au setting:

Who cleans the room? - both because this relationship is fair

Who is really against chores? - neither

Who cleans up after the pets? - both

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - if it’s an emergency, kat-chan...but he’ll go back to clean it up later XD

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - toshi. that’s why souji just shows up at random lmao

Who found100 yen between the couch cushions while cleaning? - kat-chan...he slipped it under the elastic of toshi’s briefs and called it a tip, to which he got a half sigh, half smile

Misc, in a modern au setting:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - they both do so quickly but kat-chan will try to indulge toshi when they wash together

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - they’ll walk together

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - pSHT nah

What are their goals for the relationship? - kat-chan just wants toshi to be happy and healthy. toshi wants the same...and he’s also hellbent on making kat-chan prime minister one day lmao

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - neither...unless it’s a mutual decision to not get out of bed

Who plays the most pranks? - kat-chan...but they’re just cute and silly versus souji who actively wants to create chaos in toshi’s life lol

#uss enterplaid #toshisami #t1 #writing on plaid paper #headcanons #jkgdhslgsdhjsdf #i love them

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gardenstateofmind · 7 years

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#personal

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midwifemilktrails · 7 years

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Persistently Patient

After dilating quite quickly from the time labor started, Jessica arrived at the birth center expecting to have her baby in her arms in no time. However, the nature of childbirth isn’t always that predictable and labor carried on. Despite Jessica’s own annoyance as to how long the birth was taking, she was reassured by the calm presence of her birth team, which helped her stay positive and patient. 10 hours later and laboring in every imaginable position, she pushed through and gave birth to her baby girl.

What interested you in a birth center birth?

In addition to seeing the Business Of Being Born, I have a few friends who had birth center and/or home birth deliveries. In fact, one of them had her youngest at Del Mar Birth Center. From what I heard and learned, I liked the idea of having more options, a quiet and calm delivery room and best of all: midwifery care!

You started your care at the birth center almost half way through your pregnancy, how did you make this switch?

I started at an OB/GYN for monetary reasons. I wrongly assumed that my insurance wouldn't cover midwifery care. I didn't get to meet my doctor until right before I transferred, and when I did it just didn't feel right.

Harper was due around the holidays, and my doctor said he probably wouldn't be available to deliver her unless I scheduled a cesarean or induction beforehand. This was moments before I was about to tell him about my wishes for a natural birth. I called Del Mar the next day.

I had actually toured the birth center before I conceived, so I knew when I called that I wanted to make the switch there and then. I requested to have my records transferred and had an appointment a few days latter. It was easy!

What was the difference of care between an OB/GYN and a midwife.

It's very different. You see nurses at an OB/GYN’s office and very rarely meet with the doctor. Everything is rushed since they have so many patients.

At the birth center, every appointment was with one of the midwives who would potentially deliver my baby and thus a relationship and trust was built in their care for me and my baby. It's such a safe feeling getting to know your care providers.

Also, you don't do a urine test every appointment at a midwife’s office and only do a few ultrasounds in the whole pregnancy. Our appointments consisted of acquiring vital signs for both me and the baby (hearing her heart beat via the Doppler was my favorite part), but mostly it was a nice chat about how I was feeling, my diet, exercise, sleep, work, etc. I even had a cup of tea brought to me during our meetings. This care for women by women was the most important thing to me. I never feeling rushed which was a bonus in the trust and safety in knowing your care provider.

You took an 8-week childbirth education course. Can you talk about the benefits of a series of classes like this in preparation for a natural birth outside of the hospital?

My husband and I took Kathy Killebrew’s class. It’s a preparation course for natural birth and child care for both in hospital and out-of-hospital settings.

Kathy covered all the stages of labor, breastfeeding and early home care. My husband started calling it “Baby University” as it was a lot of information! But knowing all the stages and gritty details of labor and birth as well as ways to relax through contractions was so helpful. I knew what my body was going to do (for the most part!) and it was empowering to allow it to do so without being afraid or wanting to control it.

You tested positive for Group B Strep (GBS) in the pregnancy, which is typically treated in labor via IV antibiotics. While 30% of women are colonized with GBS, there's a 1-2% chance that if left untreated, a baby could become very sick from being exposed to the bacteria while coming through the birth canal. However, treatment with antibiotics come with its own host of issues. How did you receive the news that you were positive? How did you navigate all the information out there and come to a decision regarding treatment that you felt comfortable with?

When I got my test results, I was crushed. I phoned the on call midwife and cried. I'd been working so hard to have a healthy pregnancy, so this just felt like a failure. She reassured me I probably had GBS the whole pregnancy and that it’s pretty normal and common.

My husband Max and I studied the options together and ultimately decided against IV antibiotics. We read a study by Evidence Based Birth, which showed how other countries handle GBS in addition to speaking with a few of the other midwives.

In the end, we decided to use am antibiotic soap called Hibiclens. When applied to the vagina every few hours, it kills the bacteria where it counts and was much more appealing to me than an IV drip every two hours.

Tell me about your birth experience.

I went into labor just a few hours before Christmas Eve. I had some mild early labor contractions after dinner and followed the advice from the on call midwife, Callie, to try and go back to sleep. Right around midnight I woke up just as my water broke! After that things moved very fast.

By 4 am, my contractions were super close together and very strong, so after speaking with the midwife, we decided it was time to go the birth center. When we arrived, I climbed right into the tub to relax in the warm water and have my cervix checked for dilation. I was pretty excited to be nearly 8 cm dilated! Max and I figured the baby would be born in no time!

Laboring in the tub felt great, but after a few hours things (contractions and progress) had slowed down. By this point, I was pushing so I moved to the toilet to try a new position – followed by moving to the bed and back in the tub. It felt like my baby was taking forever to come!

Callie’s shift ended and Shayna came in. We realized I still had a tiny bit of cervix left – what the midwives call “a lip” – which was most likely getting in the way of my baby’s descent. So, in order to remedy the situation and get this show on the road, I lay on one side for three contractions without pushing and the switched to the other.

It’s hard to explain how hard that was. I was fighting every impulse to not push, as that was also when I realized pushing relieved the pain of the contraction. Thankfully, my hard work paid off and the lip went away.

But labor still dragged on. At some points I felt like I was so close and then something would stall.

All during this time, I felt I handled the pain okay. I knew going into it that it would be painful (and it was). Each contraction brought this whole body pain, but I knew it only would last a moment and then I would get a break. What got me though was how tired I was getting. Max was giving me water after every contraction and as the night wore on the midwife and nurse were getting me to eat some fruit for some energy.

I moved to the squat bar/ladder and started to make some real progress. I moved between the bed and bar for the last few hours. Finally, I got to the point where I just knew she was coming. I could see it in my midwife’s face and hear it in Max's voice. But then I saw this look of disappointment on Shayna's face – my body was stalling again! No way! I got out of bed and waddled over to the squat bar with everyone's help.

After just a few contractions it was finally time. One contraction on the birthing stool and my beautiful daughter was born. I've never worked so hard in my life! It was amazing to see her come into the world and to have Max right by my side as it happened.

You dilated quite quickly from the time your water broke, but then pushing took some time. What was going through your mind at this time?

I was annoyed as I had this idea that she should have been born in a certain amount of time. I knew I could do it but my body seemed to be taking forever to push her out! I was starting to get so tired by the end, but I refused to give up.

How did you stay present and positive? What kind of support was helpful?

Max really believed in me, and I did too. I think the whole birth team taking care of me is what did it. I didn't feel rushed and that allowed me to stay positive. If everyone was letting my body take its time then I knew things were okay.

Specifically, when Shayna helped direct my pushing efforts was very helpful. She put her fingers in my vagina and told me to push against them. Holy cow did that make a difference! Once I knew where to push into, my mind and efforts were much more focused.

Did you think you were going to end up transferring? Did you want to transfer at any point?

I didn't. In my mind as long as Baby and I were both healthy transferring was not an option for me. Later in labor the midwife or RN checked her little heart rate after every contraction so I knew we were both safe as we could hear it was at a solid rate.

I knew I could work through the pain – I just had to keep up my strength. I actually used her name as a battle cry towards the end. Ha!

There needed to be a little resuscitation for the baby after the birth? Were you nervous?

This is funny to look back on as I was so high from the rush of endorphins after the birth that the building could have been burning down around us and I would have told you we were fine.

I saw the little mask go on her face, and heard Max's concerned voice but I just knew she was okay. It must have been a mix of mother intuition and total trust of my birth team that I didn’t feel fear or anxiety. We had been through so much together. She was also on my tummy skin-to-skin the whole time, so I could see and feel her making breathing efforts and knew she would come around.

How did you feel a few hours after the birth going home?

It was like waking up from a dream. I'd been pregnant for 37 weeks and now she was here – on Christmas Eve of all times! She was born at 4 pm, so by 9 pm, we were on our way home. We just crawled into bed and slept that night with Harper on my chest skin-to-skin.

We woke up the next morning and had our little Christmas traditions. While I was in early labor the day before, I made my Christmas cinnamon rolls from scratch. So Christmas morning I frosted them and we opened our presents as usual. It was a lovely quiet time to bond with our new daughter.

How do you think your experience being pregnant, giving birth and as a parent has changed the way you view yourself? The world?

I’ve been learning a lot about myself since even conceiving Harper. The pregnancy was all about being the best little vessel I could be for her: relaxing and eating a balanced diet.

Since her birth it's been learning to go with the flow and to take the little quiet spaces in my day to take care of myself. I love being a mom, it's a lot of work and there have been frustrated tears, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Knowing all of the hard work it took to bring this little girl into the world makes me feel really proud of myself. I feel strong and more connected with my body than ever before. I wish more women would consider going route of having un-medicated, out-of-hospital births. It’s not scary as some may think, and most of our bodies are made to do it!

I’m amazed at how my body has changed, what's already sprung back into shape and what I’ll keep as a souvenir of Harpers time in my womb.

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