#incorrect marvel quotes
bucky: I want to wake up with you every day for the rest of our lives
sam: I wake up at 4:30 am
bucky: i want to see you at some point every day for the rest of our lives
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[During movie night]
Tony : *nudging Peter* Why are you always falling asleep on me? Am I that boring?
Peter: *half asleep* You make me feel safe
Tony : *blinking back tears*
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Steve: What do you think Y/N will do for a distraction?
Natasha: They'll probably, like, make a noise or throw a rock. That's what I would do.
*Building explodes and several car alarms go off*
Natasha: ... or they could do that.
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Mobius: What position would you prefer? We don't have much time so please decide quickly.
Loki, blushing: Now? However you want me. For you, I'd even get on my-
Mobius, clenching his jaw: I'll ask you one more time. What position are you interested in? A hunter or an analyst?
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*Natasha and Y/N meeting Professor Hulk for the first time*
Professor Hulk: Hello, Nat. Y/N.
Natasha: *turns to Y/N* If 2 plus 2 is 4...
Natasha: And 5 plus 5 is 10...
Natasha: What the fuck is this?
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Monica: Don't you wanna be happy?
Wanda: I don't know. What's it like?
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Y/N: (rushing into the common room for movie night) Oh God! I’m so sorry. I’ve never been late for anything in my life.
Nat: That’s fine dear. We’re just about to start.
Wanda: Well…you’re late in my life.
Y/N: (looking at Wanda, genuinely confused) Have you made an appointment with me?
Nat: (looking at Wanda, genuinely confused) Did Y/N made you to be her girlfriend with a gun?
Wanda: I wish she had.
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Steve: All I do is listen to your sexual problems. How about my sexual problems?
Y/n stopping Natasha: -Steve, what is your sexual problem?
Steve: I’m not getting any.
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Yelena: I'm having trouble deciding which one would be a good fit for our family... adoption is so difficult.
Y/N: Yelena, we've been here for over an hour, please just pick a vest already.
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peter: birds aren’t real
sam: *freaking out* IM NOT REAL?!!’
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Wanda: I will destroy everything you guys love!
Vision: What if I love you?
Wanda: Jokes on you I‘ve been self destructive my entire life!
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[After Peter gets back from patrol looking like a truck ran him over]
Tony : Pete, you alright?
Tony : You don't look alright.
Peter: Then stop looking
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Y/N: Where’s Sam?
Bucky: He’s not my boyfriend!
Y/N: ... I never said he was?
Bucky: Oh, haha, awkward.
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An interviewer, to Owen: Would you rather play the character of Loki's boyfriend or a cowboy?
Owen: How about Loki's boyfriend, a cowboy?
Tom: Well, it's funny you should ask... The other day Owen and I-
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Peter: Croissants: dropped
Ned: Road: works ahead
Harley: BBQ sauce: on my titties
MJ: Shavacado: fre
Shuri: Miss Keisha: fucking dead
Happy, grumpy: I didn’t understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you.
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Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
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Tony, wearing Stephen's Cloak: nO tOnY yOu cAnT uSe TiMe sToNe tO eAt yOuR pIzZa aGaIn
Peter, wearing Tony's Black Sabbath shirt and with fake goatee drawn on his face: bUt sTepHeN iTs jUsT pIzZa
Tony: i dOnT cArE iTs jUsT pIzZa fAbRiC oF tImE iS tOo fRaGiLe fOr tHaT
Peter: bUt Im hUnGrY
Tony: tHeN eAt a SaLaD oR-
Stephen: OKAY FINE, I'LL USE THE TIME STONE ON THAT PIZZA JESUS CHRIST
Tony, high-fiving Peter and Cloak: THANK YOU
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If you start throwing shade, I’m gonna start throwing knives
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Wanda: My back hurts.
Wanda: It’s because of my scoliosis.
Natasha: Wrong. It’s because of those big mommy milkers.
Carol, watching from a distance: Jesus Christ.
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steve: be honest, do you like sam?
bucky, sweating: no, what gave you that idea?
steve: *holds up a paper full of hearts with s+b in them*
bucky: *snatches the paper* it stands for suffering and bitterness rogers, now go away
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