Wanda, disappointed: Let me show you a picture from last night that really upset me.
Y/N: Okay, but in my defense, Natasha bet me 50 cents I couldn’t drink all that shampoo.
Wanda: That’s not what I wanted to- you drank SHAMPOO?!
Y/N: It was 50 cents!
Wanda: TO DRINK A BOTTLE OF SHAMPOO?!
thank you @shesaiditwaslikemagic for the extra bonus to this <3
Steven, bored and reverting to traditional 'girl talk' topics: What's the first thing you notice when someone approaches you?
Marc: The eyes.
Jake: The fucking audacity.
*Random man speaking shit about Steven*
*Steven looking like a kicked puppy*
Marc: I'm gonna hit the living shit out of this guy.
Jake, calmly: it's not necessary amigo.
Jake, pointing at Y/n: just look.
Y/n standing up from the table, running towards to the guy: IF YOU DARE TO SAY ANYTHING BAD ABOUT MY BOY I'M GONNA BREAK YOUR WINDPIPE AND TEAR OUT YOUR FUCKING SPINE. GET IT?!
Marc: holy shit.
Jake: yeah. Holy shit.
Steven: mates.. . Don't wanna break the magical moment but Y/n is choking that man.
Khonshu, from the corner: FINISH HIM LITTLE HUMAN!
Natasha: Sorry it took me so long to bail you out of jail.
Yelena: No it's my fault, I shouldn't've used my one phone call to prank call the police.
Natasha: And what did you do with your phone call?
Y/N: Ordered pizza, duh.
Wanda: you said I could talk to you about anything, right?
Y/N: uh huh
Wanda: so I feel sad, but I also feel like committing mass murder
Y/N: excUSE ME
Y/N: WHO MADE YOU SAD?!
Y/N:Why is it spelled camouflage and not ?
Natasha:*sighs in being in love with Y/N*
[during a mission]
HYDRA Agent: I will make you sorry you were ever born!
Y/N: Well, for your information, I’m already sorry I was ever born.
Natasha, taking down the Agent: *hits Y/N on the back of the head*
So after seeing Dr Strange, I'm guessing these are the rules for variants in the multivurse?
Peter Parker: are you a high schooler with dead parents? Kinda nerdy but with a good heart? Brown hair, brown eyes? Refuse to seek medical care after spider bites? Congrats, you're a Peter Parker!
Loki: You like knives and the colour green? Fuck it, you're a Loki. Gender? What gender? Doesn't matter. You're a Loki. Black, white, or blue? Don't care, still a Loki. Old? Young? Loki. Black, blond, ginger hair? Stick something shiny and vaguely pointy on it, BOOM, Loki. What's this? An alligator? You green? See above. Loki.
Dr Strange: Benedict Cumberbatch.
kate: im going on a date with yelena
wanda: aw where is she gonna take you?
kate: we’re going on a picnic
y/n: thats more gay than gay itself-
Police officer!Y/N: I'm afraid I'm gonna have to give you a ticket
Wanda in her car: *gasps*
Y/N with a flirty voice: For looking too sexy...
Wanda, blushing: Oh, you scared me!
Y/N walking away (still having the flirty voice): Have a good day...
Wanda reading the ticket: Wait, it says I have to go to court for this?
Stephen: I just don’t know what’s gotten into her! Wanda was always the sweet one!
Wong: And me?
Stephen: You’re the smart one.
You: And me?
Stephen: Uh. You’re the other one.
Thor: No matter what you look like, all that matters is what’s in here.
Thor: *puts his hand on his chest*
*After a mission gone wrong*
Y/N: Don’t beat yourself up too much, Nat.
Y/N: You’re ginger, that’s punishment enough.
Jake: if I was your husband I would poison your cafe.
Marc and Steven: O.o
Y/n, laughing: if I was your wife... I would drink it.
Marc and Steven: XD
Tony: There’s nothing sexier than a guy playing guitar.
Natasha: A girl playing guitar.
Y/N: A tyrannosaurus rex playing guitar, struggling to strum with it’s tiny arms, fueled by rage and an inner desire to rock.
Wanda: I want an upgrade
Y/N: what do you mean
Wanda: relationship wise, I would like to upgrade
Y/N: *tearing up* you don’t want me anymore?
Wanda: what— no!
Wanda: *takes out small box & opens it to reveal a ring* I wanted an upgrade to wife
Natasha: What are your three best qualities?
Y/N: I’m hot, I have soft hair, and sometimes I cry because I love my friends
[The Avengers visiting Y/N & Wanda]
Steve: How have you been Y/N?
Y/N, to the team: Y/N, ugh, I haven’t heard that name in a long time.
Sam, pointing at Y/N’s jacket: It’s on your jacket…
Y/N: I know but no one says it out loud and our babies can’t read… which I’m told is normal for 10 week olds.
*everyone shaking their heads, trying not to laugh*
Natasha, smirking: How’s all this going for you Wanda?
Wanda, amused: The twins are great! Y/N is still learning.
MJ, to Peter: Hey you look good today
Peter: What happened? What's wrong? Just tell me. I can take it.
MJ : Nothing, I just felt bad about being mean to you so I'm being nice.
Peter : Oh! Okay. Sorry, I wasn't ready for it. Try again.
MJ : You look nice.
Tony : Nope, still freaking us out
y/n: i got hit by a car today
wanda: y/n are you okay?!
y/n: im fine but i think i scared the driver when i got up apologised and left