#this is just a more condensed version of the text post!

[heartofstanding]

Write an alternate POV of this fic, I said. It'll be quick and easy, I said. A doddle, I said. The original is under 4,000 words so it'll be short, I said. All I've got to do is write those 4,000 words from a different perspective.

2 years and 13,000 words (not including things I cut) later, I'm finally, finally writing the first alternate POV of a scene that was actually in the original fic.

#yes this is the hal pov of the dagger incident fic #tbf to me hal is only physically in half of the scenes in the original fic and they're all in the last half #there's 3 scenes to write a pov swap of (and i'm at the first of them) but i think there'll be more scenes after #just to wind up things for hal that henry didn't do #so. yeah. I’m pretty sure it’s going to be over 15k when I’m done. maybe even close to 20k. 😱 #hal's dagger incident #text posts #fic talk #(it's not going to be a perfect match for the original because i worked off a condensed and modernised version of the scene #and now i'm working off the unabridged original scene in the first english life of henry the fifth #which i feel says a lot about how my confidence in reading early modern english has grown #(this isn't like shakespeare where the spelling is standardised. and there's generally annotations and glossaries)

[detransdamnation]

My bad no not dysphoria i meant the learning disability part in the prev ask

Gotcha. My apologies. As is evident, my learning disability affects my reading comprehension lmao

Before I answer this, I think I should give some necessary context since I have never named my specific disability (and would prefer not to, at least publicly, for the sake of my privacy). My learning disability does not impact my cognition; in other words, it has no bearing on my IQ, my ability to communicate, my ability to take care of myself, and so on and so forth.

However, my learning disability does impact what I am able to do academically, which spills over into a myriad of everyday life skills. My learning disability is also very severe.

Now that that’s been said,

In a friend group or acquaintance circle, I don’t expect—or even necessarily want—for other people to help me with things, largely because they can’t. I honestly do think that that is the absolute best way for someone to be supportive of me, is to accept that they cannot help me, they cannot explain things to me, and they cannot help me understand anything that I do not already understand. I don’t mean that to be pessimistic. It’s just the reality of the situation.

This incessant want to help is a pattern that has expressed itself throughout my entire life and it is annoying for a couple different reasons, one of them being that “help” only ever centers my learning disability when it would otherwise exist in the background.

I can generally “hide” my learning disability throughout my everyday life, and even in areas where my struggles are more prominent, I can usually brush them off. As a result, people don’t tend to fully grasp just how severe my learning disability is until they try (unwarranted) to help me through something that I struggle with—because it is only then when they realize that I do not actually have any foundational understanding of any of the concepts that are involved. In the areas that my learning disability affects, I have the comprehension of a child.

So, they have two options. They can meet me at my level and attempt to explain something to me the same way they would explain it to a child—which, although probably objectively better than jumping straight into something I am completely clueless about, has also never been accomplished without my being infantilized, or talked down to, to some extent.

Alternatively, they can take my age into account and explain something to me the same way they would explain it to any other adult—but then that doesn’t generally take into account what I can and cannot comprehend. Sure, my feelings may be spared, and it’s arguably the more ethical approach in that I’m not being treated light years younger than I am—but then they’re not actually teaching me anything at all because the approach assumes that my understanding of the topic at hand is far more advanced than it actually is and is able to be.

Even if either of these approaches worked and the person was somehow able to explain something to me whilst still retaining my dignity, it still all comes down to the therapy-resistant part of my learning disability. I do not retain anything I learn in my problem areas. I cannot retain anything if my learning disability is involved. Even where there is a line of success, it is part of an unsuccessful cycle.

These efforts are also made when I never ask for them. The onus, then, is on me to either A) grin and bear it, or B) interrupt the person and tell them to stop. Once again, this is a lose-lose situation. The former makes me feel guilty because I know that their efforts are going to waste; the latter usually makes the person feel awkward, and then I’m made out to be an asshole because they were “just trying to help.”

Most everyone wants to be the person to give that one explanation to make it all “click,” yet for some reason, it is never considered that this made-it-make-sense explanation does not, in fact, exist. I believe the fact these explanations are attempted, anyway, speaks to an ignorance of the nature of learning disabilities in general, even if they are held subconsciously (i.e., “Sure, you have a learning disability... but it also depends on how you’re taught”).

In many cases, I also believe it speaks to a greater discomfort with how my normal differs from that of people who do not have learning disabilities (or even those who do, but do not have a case as severe as mine).

I have accepted where I am at and I have tailored my life to accommodate my deficits. This does mean that I walk through many areas of life, navigating them through pattern recognition and logical reasoning, but not really understanding what I’m doing. I will always be a bit clueless when it comes to many concepts and skills. I will never be able to do certain things without outside guidance, or even at all. None of this will ever change. I have made peace with that. I am content despite my challenges.

But there are very few people who are content with my contentedness. It is my own experience that people like to think that they are accepting of my disability right up until they come face-to-face with the fact that my disability results in inabilities and they do not like that. They can say they understand or that they sympathize to my face—but they do not truly understand and they absolutely do not sympathize because they still evaluate me as if I have a non-disabled brain and it shows in their constant attempts to help me “improve” or “understand” or “do better.” It all too often insinuates that my successes as a person can only be deemed successful if I achieve them in the same manner as a person without a learning disability.

Some alternative ways that a person could actually support me include (but are not necessarily limited to) asking if I would like something to be explained before explaining it and not offering up an explanation on an entire thing when I am only asking for clarification on a specific part. Respect my limitations, do not challenge them. Never assume that I can do something. Also never assume that I cannot. The most supportive people in my life are the patient ones who are unafraid to ask questions and actually listen to my answers.

Above all else, as previously stated, the best way that one can be supportive of me is to accept that they cannot help me—because through acceptance of my struggles, I stop being a poor thing that needs to be “taught” and am instead seen as a whole person who just happens to have a learning disability. This is all that I want and expect from my loved ones.

I hope this gave you some perspective, Anon. However, I can speak only for myself. Please remember that the best way to support someone with a disability is to ask the individual how you can do so.

#i'm sorry this is so aimless and all over the place #i have so many ideas in my head but i struggled to put them into words and tie them together #and i've already condensed this about as much as i can so i'm just going to post it as is even though i know i could have done better #this was a mildly difficult question for me to answer on a personal level #because i've never been the type of person to lean on others for emotional support #it's just not natural to me and honestly not something that ever makes me feel better lol #so i wanted to give insight on as to why the neurotypical's version of support may actually be UNsupportive to a neuroAtypical #and i hope i did that at least proficiently #i am a lot more open about my learning disability with people i am familiar with #so if you're a mutual or someone who interacts with my blog reasonably often #you're always welcome to message me if you'd like to learn more #i am offended by no question and i view curiosity as an opportunity #submission #answered #writing #text #my post #00 #also i'm sorry it took me forever to answer this anon #as you can see from my blog i've had a weird couple of days lmao

[undercoverpena]

stockings and stars

javier peña x f!reader

summary: Still need the star putting on the top of the tree. ive got other plans for you Because I’m the star? yeah you're my star and youre not going anywhere but on your back

from the late night texts world - but can still be enjoyed on its own. chapter warnings: allusion to/mentions of smut. no actual smut. javi undresses you, though. flirting. fluff. reader wears red lingerie and a dressing gown. javi flirting. sexy talk, romcom vibes ofc ✨ wordcount: 3k

an: to @goodwithcheese merry christmas from me, to you. thank you for everything, for the tuesday fun we have - i wanted nothing more than to have this out sooner, but life, you know? but, i adore you. and I'm so glad we found one another. ahuge thanks to @thetriumphantpanda who cheerleaded for me throughout.

text key: bold is you/reader | italics is javi

Will I be seeing Santa Javi today? I want to decorate my tree.

one time I come to yours in a red shirt

You also had the tree under your arm and a bag of baubles, I’d class those as gifts.

keep talking baby and you can decorate your tree alone

Think I’m gonna wear that shirt you left here while I do it. Make sure I have to get up on my tip toes. Hope it doesn't rise up...

you don’t play fair

I think I’ll be in stockings too…

youre killing me

Maybe they’re white and red, and…

baby if i wasn’t putting this thing up for Pop, i’d be driving over right now

Hope you hurry up, I need someone tall to put the star on top of the tree.

how am I gonna eat you out when youre perched on the tree baby

The last thing on his to-do list from his Pop is to hang the front porch garland.

He had learnt there had been a huge difference in the front and the back porch garlands. A fifteen-minute-long difference when he'd timed the response given to his sarcastic answer.

Javi learnt there was not only one for the back porch and the front, but one which sat across the fireplace and one on the staircase.

He learnt that after he'd made a joke about mixing them up—earning himself a very pointed glare, and the task of the front porch.

Now, it’s a battle he’s losing.

Tremendously so.

While he’d never want his Pop to do the more challenging tasks, he did rather hate he hadn’t thought to trade this one in for the back porch at the very least—because that had looked fucking easy.

Holding the garland in hand, he’s suddenly hit with a second wave of nostalgia, the first having arrived when he'd pulled down the box and peered into it.

It did the same thing as it had done then, all but rushed over him, layering itself on his shoulders, sitting, nothing short of a comfortable weight on him. Letting his gaze fall out over it, he smiles at the tuffs of fabric, all the bows tied by hand, all in an array of sizes and shades.

Over time, he can see how they've become sun-dyed, remembering the first year they'd been sewn into the faux greenery by his mamá, memories of her all hunched over, humming carols.

Smiling, he rolls his lips, letting out a heavier sigh than he intended as he drags it to the post he’d begin at.

But, all he wonders is whether in the years he wasn’t here, whether it was occasionally hung—or if this year is just that special.

The mere hint that he was going to ask if you wished to spend Christmas at the ranch had sent his Pop into overdrive. Practically yanked him out of his chair like he’d been electrified, a bunch of orders being flung from under his white, wiry moustache that they needed to get ready.

He wasn't sure he'd get the image of his Pop suddenly scrambling around like a man half his age, to drag the decorations out from the cupboard, would ever be erased from his mind. Least of all the sound you'd made aww'ing down the phone when he'd given you a condensed version of the story.

Because he hasn't asked you yet, not properly.

Even though he's spent the last two days at the back of barns and spending a ridiculous amount of time at the hardware store—because we need to make sure the lights stay up, Jav.

He just hasn't found the right time to ask you. A promise each time he goes to see you left in the air. Not that his Pop remembers that, instead he's just busy thinking up ways to make it special: one of which includes decorating the trees at the entrance to the ranch.

An idea having sprouted with the newest ranch hand—one which, if Javi overheard correctly, involves rope acting like tinsel and a cowboy hat being the star on the top of the trees.

Feeling his phone vibrate, he temporarily ignores it as he begins to weave the beginning of the garland around the wood—already knowing, before he tries to move it around the spindles, that it isn’t going to be easy.

Because nothing ever fucking is.

Least of all when you’re waiting for him.

His mind begins to concoct images of you in bows and sheer material, lips painted, sat waiting, smelling nothing short of heavenly as you call out for—

“Fuck,” he shouts, dropping the garland to the ground.

It had pricked him, stabbed him right in the skin—hand shaking the pain out, face likely all scrunched. And, if it didn't have sentimental value, he's sure he'd have kicked its protesting ass with everything he had. Instead, he just narrows his eyes more than he had done moments ago as he begins again.

He feels his nostrils flare when it begins to undo itself. The sound of faux bristles on wood grates him before it will even attempt to do what he needs it to.

And it makes him want to quit, to throw it back into the box and tell his Pop it isn’t worth it. But he knows it is. Knows that his mama didn’t spend hours bent over under flickering light for it not to be seen.

Javi also strongly suspects you’d love it. Likely run your fingers over several bows asking who made it. He can even imagine the look of joy on your face when he tells you.

It’s why, if he didn’t already suspect it anyway, he’s pretty sure his Pop loves you more than him. Because even the first Christmas he was back, there weren’t this many decorations; not nearly as much need to have them all out, either.

Not that Javi really minds—or blames him.

There’s a notable shift in energy when you stay over. Even more so in him. He can see there’s a cheer and a glow to the place—one Javi hates watching vanish when he takes you back to your place.

It's why, when—and where—he can, he fights for you to be here. Practically finds convincing ways to do so, including, crossword puzzles, dinner, and two-person showers. But, at some stage, your clothing dwindles, underwear runs low, and he has to make the painful drive into town to return you to your place.

Your fingers in his hair, practically clambered into his lap as you whisper that you’ll be back before he knows it. His fingers on your chin, thumb stroking out the words he says right back—that he’ll miss you all the same.

Javier Peña. Texan softie—what will the world think?

He only thinks one thing when he drives back—a response which had been there on his lips. Guess they’ll see just how much I love you. A thing you know, comment on, say back to him first thing in the morning and last thing at night. An array of promises there, sometimes spoken at a normal level and sometimes whispered.

You always keep them, just like the one that you are always back before he knows it.

He likes it when you are. Enjoys it when you’re nestled beside him, arm across his chest, hand close to his ribs—strumming them, tracing lines and words he tries to understand before sleep takes him.

He still always sleeps better when you’re beside him. When his breathing can mirror yours, when he can feel for you in the night when he’s awoken with nightmares and things he knows won’t ever come true.

Now, he’s fighting a different battle. One to get to you.

Halted in his path to freedom by the garland which refused to be hung, and could be labelled as giving him more grief than the horses which had banded together. A phrase he never thought he’d admit out loud, never mind think.

You still fighting with the garland?

baby its torturing me on purpose

Do you want me to come and help?

will you come in the stockings

No!! Your dad is there.

then stay there actually lie down, but do not begin without me

Still need the star putting on the top of the tree.

ive got other plans for you

Because I’m the star?

yeah you're my star and youre not going anywhere but on your back

Hurry then.

i’m hurrying

He does hurry—practically scratched up by the time he’s parking his truck outside your place.

As he takes the step up to your door, Javi realises how much he misses it here when he doesn’t visit. A place less frequent and often spent time in, even under your insistence of renting it.

It is always usually a stopping point, him parking up, letting you go in and grab what you need before you're back in his truck, heading back to his.

He does like your place though, likes how small it is, how cosy. Plus, it has all the things which make you, you. A thing his place is currently missing.

Although, as he steps through the door, and calls your name, he does have to admit it currently looks fucking ridiculous.

On a good day, he’d describe your place as crowded, but right now, it’s claustrophobic.

The tree you’d forced him to get is shoved into a corner, branches fluffed out, surrounded by the piles of unpacked boxes you’ve tried to discreetly hide. Your remaining floorspace is overtaken by a bit of rug, several piles of books (you have no room for, but continue to buy) and odd bits of furniture you find and attempt to restore.

For the most part, you’ve decorated. A thing you did inform him of.

You’ll be pleased to know when you get here your only job is the star. managed it all yourself, did you I’m a very competent woman, Javi. oh i know baby ive seen you with a crossword Does that do it for you? Me finishing a crossword. does something to me Get over here. im leaving now

There’s a warm, comforting glow spread out across the place from the fairy lights you’ve hung and the array of mismatched decorations—both bought and handmade—hanging from branches.

He breathes in the scent of orange which hangs in the air, his eyes finding the culprit on your fireplace, a garland—one not dissimilar to the one he’d been battled with—places there, mocking him due to the ease of which had been laid, with oranges and little beads all entwined within it.

Snorting, he glances back at your tree, spotting the things he's been with you when you've bought. And, as promised—and informed him through text—there’s nothing at the top of your tree.

“You finally made it!”

Spinning on his heel, he comes face to face with you, and fuck if the sight of you doesn’t make it all worth it.

Dressed in a red, silky dressing gown, all tied in the middle, you're a vision. Then, there's the fact your lips are painted a shade he’d now famously dub Christmas red, a colour he wants nothing more than to be stained with. A path of it from his mouth down to the space where his jeans meet his hips. A thought which seems to only make how tight his jeans are even more uncomfortable.

“Cariño, you’re…”

You sway a little, letting the fabric move—allowing his gaze to land on the stockings. The ones he’s been thinking about all afternoon. The ones he can’t wait to feel under his palm and know whether they’ll create friction when wrapped around his waist.

“Fuck me.”

“I’m kinda banking on it,” you say, biting your red-painted lip. “But first…”

His hand crawls around your waist, feeling the smooth, soft texture under his hand—swallowing, dragging his eyes up and down you, unsure how he could ever be so lucky—how something so good could ever be here for him to unwrap.

“I need you to hang the star,” you continue.

“Right now?”

Nodding, you ghost your lips over his. “I’ve been so good waiting for you.”

“You're never good. You, baby, are a menace.”

“I’m your menace.”

Snorting, he presses a kiss to your lips. “Damn right, you are.”

Moving from you, reluctantly, only to pick up the gold star he assumes you want to hang, getting a nod from you that he’s right.

“Need to ask you something too.”

And even though he’s only taken a mere short step from you, he’s floored all over again about what a picture you look like when he glances back. That you’re standing all for him, dressed in nothing but cheer and ribbons all for him.

“Go on.”

Turning to your tree, he flattens his hand to the wall for stability. “I wanted…”

His concentration slides in—suddenly aware he doesn’t want to knock anything from the branches. Doesn’t want to force things to be misplaced from where they were expertly hung.

He’s also sure he’s wanting to swallow the question. A part of him, all the way deep inside of him, having been bracing—and waiting—to hear you’d be apart for the holidays. A thing the two of you have rarely been since you moved here, not a day going by he hasn’t seen you for at least an hour.

“Wanted to know if you—shit—” the star almost sitting atop, before at the last minute protesting. “I wanted to know if you wanted to spend Christmas with me—with us, me and Pop. At the ranch.”

The star slides into place, sitting more comfortably with another shove, more branch supporting it.

But he doesn’t turn, not immediately. Not as the question hums around him, swirls in the silence of you not immediately saying yes. So much so, that it takes him a second to move on his heels, to face you—to read the answer before it’s delivered.

What he sees is something his heart couldn’t have ever prepared for.

You, grinning—a silly, almost goofy, smile spreading out as you bite down on your lip, forehead slightly crinkled.

“You… you want me to spend the holidays with you?”

“Of course—cariño, I want nothing more than for you to be with me.”

It all quick to leave his mouth, mirroring the movement to be back in front of you, fingers under your chin, lifting your eyes—those beautiful, fucking eyes—to his.

“Do… do you—wanna spend it with me?”

You pull a different face before you’re nodding. One more excited, one which begins to expel out over a smile and a bunch of escaping phrases such as I can’t believe you want me with you and of course.

“Why wouldn’t I want to be with you?”

Shrugging, you scrunch your nose—an act he finds just as cute as the first time he saw it. “Guess it’s a big deal. It’s… a thing people do with families.”

Pulling you close by your hips, your hand lands flat on his chest. “You are my family.”

“Javi,” you whisper, making each letter feel so individual the way you say it, that it makes his heart double.

“It’s true. You’re it for me, cariño. All I’ve wished for.”

Eyes widening, your eyes shimmer under the lights—more so than normal. Taking a deep breath, you lift your chin before pressing a kiss to his mouth. One which turns hungry, desperate—your mouth searing, a thing he’s craved since he woke up before the sun even rose.

“Baby,” you whisper.

And he hums.

It vibrates out, able to feel it from the way his fingers cup your cheek.

“Undo me.”

Releasing your lips with a pop, he opens his eyes, studying your eyes, moving from one to the other.

“Go on,” you urge in a whisper, more breathless, more tinged with something that makes his skin hot.

Sliding his fingers over the knot, he barely has to tug before it comes undone—unveiling you, like a curtain which wishes to part. If he’d thought you’d looked good before, he’s sure every bit of you is a sin now—a Christmas sin.

Red and lace. It’s all he sees. It sitting there, against you, hugging your breasts—sitting on your hips. His mouth is suddenly dry at the thought of running his tongue over the place it meets your skin before pulling it down.

Your fingers follow his eyes, sliding between the valley to land on the bow in the centre, twisting the edge of the tie around your index finger—palm skating over your stomach, allowing him more chance to take in how you’re stood before him in see-through fabric and promises.

“How’d I get so lucky?” he asks, more to no one, than to you.

His fingers teasing the fabric sat on your hip—marvelling, unsure how to think straight until you clear your throat, forcing his eyes to meet yours.

“Hey,” you whisper, tightening your hold on his hands, bringing his arms more around your waist, pressing your front to him, feeling the heat from your skin through your clothes. “You’re all I wished for too.”

Smiling, he looks at your tree, before landing back on you. “You look so good.”

“I know. Could look better though?” His brow arches as you slowly begin to smile, the tip of your tongue sliding over your upper lip. “Everything is held in place by bows.”

Groaning, he closes his eyes, letting his hand slide down your lower back, over sheer material before his fingers find the ribbon on your hip.

“All for you.”

“Mine,” he answers, slotting his mouth over yours—staining the four letters to your lips.

His fingers slide around, brushing over soft skin, until he finds the first bow. Undoing it with ease, licking into your mouth, only to grunt against you when you whimper as the fabric falls to your feet.

“Yours,” you say back, your own hands beginning to undo him.

an: merry christmas, love you

#javier peña x f!reader #javier peña x reader #javier peña #javier peña narcos #javi peña x reader #javi peña x you #javi pena #javier peña x you #narcos x reader #javier pena x reader #javier pena x you #javi pena x reader #narcos javier x reader #narcos javier #pedro pascal x reader #narcos fanfiction

[elitadream]

🎆 Sing for Absolution: behind the scenes 🎆

Hello everyone, and welcome to this summary on how the story was visually built! If you happen to come across this post and would like to read (or reread) the collab @drones-of-innocence and I have created together, just click on the title above and it will take you right to it! 🤗

With that said, let's begin! :D

As some of you already know, this was an idea that Drones had for a long time. It was brought up during one of our many conversations a few months ago, in which she briefly described the plot and sent me a condensed version. I- immediately and completely fell in love with the concept, so much so that I couldn't keep still. 😂💘 I practically begged Drones to let me draw a few frames for it, and she happily gave me permission. At first, what I intended to do was make about 3 or 4 thumbnails, like I had done with One Step Closer.

I returned with 22.

And from there, we both decided "Okay. Yeah. Let's make this official. 🙌💯" LOL

What's interesting here is that, as you can see, some frames didn't make it to the final cut! 🤓 And inversely, new frames were eventually added as the collab progressed. Out of all the sketches that were either abandoned or later deemed superfluous, my personal favorite would probably have to be this shot of Kamek. 😈

From the rough thumbnails I had presented, Drones helped me select the best and most eloquent ones, and I also changed a few other things along the way. For example, one panel that was entirely redone was frame 3 (where Mario enters Peach's room), because the initial composition didn't allow for the reader to see the setting very clearly, and I felt that the establishing shot needed to be wider.

Many of the drawings were also ultimately flipped to give the visuals a more coherent direction and better flow, including this one!

I decided pretty early on that the palette should be made of cold hues, seeing as these events happen to take place at night and that a warm overlay wouldn't adequately have conveyed the more ominous and solemn tone of the story in my opinion. 🤔💁‍♀️

Oh! And I almost forgot: using cold colors for the backgrounds and characters was also very convenient because it helped make the magical effects (the fire, the spells, etc- all the bright, warm and/or complementary nuances) really stand out, which resulted in a more interesting and visually striking contrast overall. 😌🎨

As I do with all my illustrations, I started by cleaning the sketches and adding a unifying background filler for all the frames. Then, I selected the colors I wanted to use (a gradient made of a mix of navy blue and purple) and worked on each drawing individually. Even with simple tones, we can observe the sheer difference that shading makes! 👀😉

There's a visual element that appears in the story and which I had borrowed from Drones before, and that would be Peach's healing magic.^^ ✨ I remember I was fascinated by the idea when I first discovered it in Un Fiore Per Te, which had prompted me to ask her if I could feature it in a piece where the Princess is seen using said power while at Mario's bedside in one of my other tangents. 💞

I kept the effect similar on purpose in Sing for Absolution, so that the slight reference would be easier to catch! 😊

And last but not least, there's that cheeky little Fire Flower! 🤭🔥

As mentioned in a previous ask, the flower actually signifies a lot in this case as it somewhat embodies the deeply affectionate bond between Mario and Peach, glowing brighter and closing its eyes in happiness when the two are close. 💖

While admittedly not the first drawing I made in which a Fire Flower appears, the one that actually inspired both Drones and I to include this symbolic power-up in the story was one that I made all the way back in February for Valentine's Day. 🥰 The subtle yet direct reference can be spotted twice in the text, linking this piece to the collab and establishing a bit of a chronology as well. I was very honored that Drones added this small detail, and I very much look forward to working on more ideas with her in the future! 😁🤝

Big thanks once again to all of you dear friends and followers who have commented and given their thoughts on this projects. Drones and I can't thank you guys enough for your interest and enthusiasm!! 😇💗

ALSO ALSO- I have shared here my visual side of the collab's progression, but Drones intends to give her own side of the story's development soon (explaining some of the themes and narrative elements a little more in depth), so make sure to stay tuned and check her blog as well! ^-^ 💫

#Mario #Princess Peach #Mario x Peach #Mareach #concept #story #collab #Sing for Absolution #fanart #fanfic #elitadream #drones-of-innocence #creators on Tumblr

[project-sekai-facts]

hii !! very new to prkect sekai and i cant play the game ,, so information wise is there someplace specific i can start ?

hi! sorry for the late response but hopefully this can get you a start on prsk without the game

to get yourself quickly familiar with the characters, here's the JP webiste's character page (EN site doesn't have one so just use google translate). This page also allows you to switch between the old pre-3rd anniversary bios (aka the point EN is at currently) and the current bios.

in-addition, here's a link to fan translations of the original in-game character introductions. The official character intro translations can be found on the EN YouTube channel.

----

the best place to start story-wise would be the main stories! they give you an introduction to the characters and plot of each unit. they're pretty hefty (21 chapters and roughly 2 and a half hours long each), but it's knowledge you'll need for going further into the story. link to fan translations are below:

Leo/need

MORE MORE JUMP!

Vivid BAD SQUAD

WonderlandsxShowtime

25-ji, Nightcord de. / Nightcord at 25:00

but if you'd rather read the official translation and don't mind the typos and occasional dialogue changes, they can be found on the EN YT channel as well, or on the fandom wiki.

There are also animated shorts based on these stories, which you can watch instead, but I do suggest reading the full stories as well since the animations condense 2.5 hours of story into 5 minutes and miss out some key details. You can find the animations here (they have english subs).

There's also sekai.best, a fan-operated database that has the official translations (where applicable) and original JP text for every event and basically everything else in the game including virtual lives, area conversations, card stories, etc.

^ If you want to use it to view the official translations just go in the settings page and make sure the server region is set to English.

EN has also been uploading the official event translations to their YouTube channel, and is uploading 1 chapter per day. As of writing they're on the 14th event.

If you want fan translations, here's some playlists I compiled. For each unit I included their "key stories", any mixed event that is focused on a member from the specific unit, plus some other stories I think are important to or heavily feature certain characters in the unit regardless of if they're the focus character (e.g: I put Buddy Funny Spend Time in the MMJ folder as well as the VBS one because it prominently features Minori and Haruka and provides a lot of character development for the former, despite it being a Kohane event).

Leo/need

MORE MORE JUMP!

Vivid BAD SQUAD

WonderlandsxShowtime

25-ji, Nightcord de.

And because I genuinely put the effort into this, here's a playlist of fan TLs for literally every story in the game in release order.

(Note: as of posting these playlists are still a WIP but they currently have everything from 2020/21)

----

Stories aside, music is a big part of the experience! You can find all the units on streaming services like spotify and youtube music. Some songs also have MVs, which I'll link playlists below.

2DMVs

3DMVs

Producers' MVs for commissioned songs (aka Vocaloid version)

I hope this is helpful!! ^^

#asks

[batmanshole]

DO NOT UPDATE YOUR 3DS / 2DS / ETC.

nintendo released a patch for the 3ds family of consoles (all models, incl. the 2ds) yesterday, may 23rd, 2023 which patches almost all known DS hacking exploits. the update version is 11.17.0-50U. if you have this update, you will NOT be able to hack your console going forward. if you want to hack your console but haven't yet, DO NOT UPDATE.

so what should you do?

(note: all dates in this post will be dd/mm/yy going forward)

i will do my best to edit this post with any updates i find, since edits do NOT spread via reblogs, if this post is more than a few days old, please check the original post to see if there has been an update.

this was posted on 24/05/23, and has not been updated yet.

i just want to say that i am by no means an expert on hacking, but i am good at condensing vital information + i havent seen many people talk about this.

What to do:

Do you have custom firmware installed?

NO: DO NOT UPDATE. INSTALL CUSTOM FIRMWARE ASAP. (guide)

YES: check which version of luma you are running (see section 2)

UNSURE: check to see if you are running luma (see section 2)

2. make sure your console is OFF. hold SELECT while powering on your console. you should see the LUMA menu. this will tell you in blue text what version of luma you are running.

if you do not see a black menu, and/or see your regular home screen, you are not running luma. go install custom firmware.

luma v10.2.1 or higher: you are safe. you CAN upgrade to 11.17.0-50U without issue as far as people smarter than me are concerned.

older versions: update luma as soon as you can, do NOT update to 11.17.0-50U until then.

for more information, please visit the 3ds hacks website. they know more than me. if any of this info is, to your knowledge, wrong, please let me know and i will update this post.

#3ds hacks #3ds modding #nintendo #2ds

[thesherrinfordfacility]

Some of the posts you've reblogged lately have clarified some of my thinking about how Gaiman has reworked the characters from the original text. In the novel, Aziraphale and Crowley have at base the /same/ flaw: they evade thinking about the ramifications of their actions by displacing everything onto their "job" requirements. To which the novel says, no can do. Aziraphale has his moral epiphany at the airfield before Crowley does, but it is by and large the same epiphany. Most of the rhetoric about offloading responsibility goes to Crowley, either directly or in free indirect discourse, but he's also the dominant viewpoint character of the two. For that matter, we are told how Crowley /feels/ about where Aziraphale has led him, morally speaking, but we aren't privy to Aziraphale's interiority during this moment. In a sense, though, that doesn't matter, because there's no reason to believe that the sense of liberation is any different.

In the series, though, Gaiman ramps up the tension in S1 and S2 by splitting up their problems. Crowley still has the "but it's not my FAULT" moral flaw, considerably amplified with even more suspiciously unreliable narration, and he still thinks about his work for "head office" as just that, a job. But Gaiman rewrites Aziraphale so that, as other people have pointed out, he thinks about being an angel as an identity (and being a demon, for that matter). I think you can make a good case that unlike in the novel, in the series neither character fully grasps how the other conceptualizes himself. This is one of the reasons that the novel's moral epiphany doesn't happen in S1, and can't happen in the same way in S3. Crowley nudges Aziraphale as though he were nudging him out of a job, not as though he's nudging him into an entirely different sense of personhood. Aziraphale praises Crowley's goodness because he essentializes it, seeing it as a sign that Crowley's demonself is continuous with his former angelself ("you were an angel once"). In S2e1, we have the very telling dialogue in the coffee shop where Crowley knows all of Aziraphale's "voices," but doesn't understand why it ought to set off fire alarms for him that Aziraphale so needs to report to him for praise. This sits alongside the tension in the Job minisode, in which Crowley is openly disaffected with both Heaven and Hell, but doesn't see the situation in the same existential terms as Aziraphale does. The end result is the S2e6 car crash, in which each character proposes to the other in a way that solves their /own/problem.

LWA i’m guessing that this is you - let’s face it, noone else sends me asks like this - but by some chance that it isn’t, congratulations anon you sound just like them (and now i’m slightly terrified that there might be two of you lurking around my blog).

also - apologies that it took such a long while to come back to you; my original response was approaching half a dozen pages just for aziraphale alone (and i wasn’t done by a long shot), and then i remembered to great disappointment that tumblr isn’t exactly the forum for such a long post (future rhi: haha you played yourself, this is still a mammoth response). at which point, i basically had to rewrite it all over again, condensing it (future rhi: you failed) down into what i’m hoping are my key points. i wish i was joking when i say that you’re currently reading what is probably the fourth or fifth version of this response.

i think where a lot of disconnect happens in how we view aziraphale’s journey throughout both seasons stems from thinking that the concept of being an angel is all-encompassing, instead of potentially also being multiple layers that aziraphale has steadily been shedding throughout the story. personally, i think there are three distinct areas around aziraphale’s identity as an angel; heaven, god, and being good. a lot of these overlap and intertwine with each other, for sure, but i think it's too much to ask of aziraphale, as the audience (and crowley), to be able to abandon it altogether in one fell swoop. being an angel is not the whole of what aziraphale is - this much is evident - but to his mind, it's the core. dismantling that, stepping away from that, and finding who he is might be without the overarching expectation and pressure of being an angel is no doubt terrifying... and potentially we're not giving that struggle enough credit.

to my mind, he disconnects from heaven fairly early on in the narrative, as far back as job, and continues through the ages with a sense of fear - or, at best, trepidation - from them. however, this tenuous allegiance carries through to s1 when it severs entirely with the call to the metatron; i truly do not see any instance after this point chronologically where aziraphale has any fondness or loyalty to heaven as the institution, nor the archangels. he is unique in being an angel that has experienced the fullness of earth and humanity, and this has influenced him fundamentally into being an angel that is so 'other' from his peers that he's by default unrecognisable, almost alien, and is deprecated and dismissed as a result. it's the very first modern scene we see of him in s1 - putting him in direct contrast with gabriel (arguably The angel of abrahamic religion; the one that nearly everyone recognises, and considers to be the epitome of What An Angel Should Be). crowley has similarly influenced him through the ages; he's made aziraphale think outside of the dogma that heaven instils as being the irreproachable, righteous, Good Side - as well as encourage him in his hedonism and self-interest (literally the reason why they both endeavour to stop the apocalypse in the first place) because it is important to aziraphale personally, and he takes pleasure and happiness from it. aziraphale "[keeps] up appearances" for the sake of complying with heaven and not raising suspicion, but is ultimately "an angel who goes along with heaven as far as he can".

aziraphale's relationship with god is little more complicated, but again - i think aziraphale reaches the stage where he is shown time and time again that god chooses to be distant, and not to act or intervene*, which is something aziraphale cannot fully reconcile. as he sees it, hell does bad things (as does heaven, as is demonstrated with the apocalypse), and where you have the power to stop it, you should. equally, if you have the power to do something good, you should do it. he takes literal issue with this in job, where he learns that god is resolutely refusing to intervene in whatever hell is cooking up for job and his family, and he instead chooses to defy this and go to crawly to beseech him to not hurt them (obviously not realising that crawly has reached that page already). he holds out hope that god will do the right thing, but the storm comes from hell, starts early even, and god does not stop it - would not have stopped it, even if the children were above, and not in the cellar.

he cannot reach any other conclusion than crawly must be right, and god in fact wants the children to die. when it comes to the lie, and aziraphale resigning himself to falling for it, i do wonder how he reconciles this after he doesn't fall - my thought currently is that aziraphale believes that god has seen his 'transgression', and chosen clemency - to forgive it - but aziraphale fears she may not do so again. it makes sense that aziraphale then is so resistant to the Arrangement later on, and then why he appears so set on not helping thwart the apocalypse because that would be going against the plan (despite, yk, evidently agreeing with crowley and privately wanting to stop it as much as crowley does). this is once again shattered by the call to the metatron; aziraphale holds out hope that the almighty will fix everything, surely this is the time where they would intervene, job and his family is one thing, but destroy the entirety of their creation? but... god won't even get on the call with him. that to me is, once again, where aziraphale lets go that particular strand of what makes him an angel - as far as i can recall, we see no instances in 2023 where aziraphale declares any outright loyalty to god or to heaven*, even going so far as to initially reject heaven (and god, presumably, by extension) - "i don't believe there's anything left to be said, i've made my position quite clear" - until he is given the opportunity to... fix it? improve it? mend it? restore it? semantics, but "make a difference" plainly recognises that how it currently exists, or how it currently functions, is wrong.

*although, ultimately, this is arguably the only moral solution for god as far as humanity is concerned. an omnipotent and omniscient being should not get involved, nor even a vaguely powerful one (i'll take "free will" for 500, alex).

*i've said it before and i'll say it again; where aziraphale says "but heaven! it's the side of truth, of light, of good", this to me is not aziraphale saying that heaven is itself good. that would be in direct conflict with his willingness to "make a difference". if he thought heaven was perfect as it is, 'making a difference' wouldn't even come into it. to that end, he knows it isn't - and instead i see it that aziraphale thinks these are the qualities that heaven stands for, what it ought to be... not what it currently is.

last thing on god: aziraphale even literally steps into god's shoes in ep5, during the ball - it's all very well, admirable even, that he hosts and crafts the ball to be a curated environment where maggie and nina might realise that they have fallen in love with each other, he thinks he's doing the right thing by intervening... by getting involved. but as you say, the book epiphany hasn't happened for them at the end of s1, not even in s2, and aziraphale hasn't learn the lesson of why "messin' about" might actually be the wrong thing to do. in fucking about with the ball, he completely tampers with the free will of not only the girls, but everyone else. nina reflects this back at him, and it visibly unnerves him that she does so; he is removing free will from all present (or, attempting to in nina's case), but is doing what he considers to be right and ergo what he thinks god should do (in his eyes). he doesn't reach the free will realisation, at least not as far as is evident to the audience, and it is clear that when the issues surrounding playing god are highlighted to him (by both nina and crowley), he chooses to dismiss it. he is doing what he thinks is right, but in doing so is literally demonstrating the shortcomings he has in his faith in god.

but aziraphale and the concept of goodness? ah. this, to me, is still the key part of his identity that he is struggling to let go of. aziraphale by the point of s2 accepts that he is not perfect. the first meaningful scene we see of aziraphale in the post-s1 timeline is his interaction with maggie; he forgives the rent, does a kind and compassionate thing, but very readily recognises that he did it for his own self-interested motivations and prioritising himself first (so far as to look uncomfortable when thanked for it by maggie, and referred to as an “angel” as a result - aziraphale knows that his motivation was not angelic at all). a ‘younger’ aziraphale, i do not think, would have so openly admitted to this, and instead would have laboured it as a purely selfless, kind, and benevolent thing on his part... and it would have taken crowley probing further to get it out of him that he did it out of self-interest. this doesn’t preclude that aziraphale was being kind to maggie - kindness is in the perception, not the intention (imo) - but he accepts his shortcomings as far as being an angel is concerned, and the freedom of breaking away from heaven grants him the freedom to do so. but contrast this with his taking-in of gabriel. aziraphale is not stupid, and is evidently frightened, anxious, and suspicious of him turning up at the bookshop, but what becomes clear to him is that this is genuinely someone under threat, in trouble, and lost; yes, he gets frustrated with the situation, but he offers gabriel/jim sanctuary, and is set in this decision before crowley even enters the picture. he makes the clear assessment that the wanker-that-is-gabriel is not the being sat before him, and instead chooses the route of kindness.

aziraphale is not always a good person, and there are multiple instances where this is proven, but there are equally just as many instances that show that he is - and i think he accepts that he is someone that is a mixture of both. that being said, this is still something that he is self-conscious about (if shax's jibes at him in ep6 is anything to go by), but it stems more from a place of aziraphale feeling that he is not enough for heaven, or for god - that even, perhaps, he doesn't deserve to be an angel; i don't think it's out of place to say you can accept the traits that make it so you do not fit in (and in fact be glad that you do not), and yet still feel ashamed and anguished that you have been rejected for the same. there is a case to be made that this in part may be why he accepts the metatron's offer to return to heaven and run it - that it's an offer from the voice of god himself, in acceptance of who aziraphale currently is - but i do wonder how far aziraphale believes this.

now is finally time to start bridging the gap to crowley, because it is clear that being good is paramount to aziraphale. however, the issue is that the sense of being good is paramount, and he still conflates it with what is right. crowley is not to blame for this, but he is undoubtedly a guiding principle in how aziraphale develops this sense; crowley constantly challenges aziraphale on his rigid, often deontological mindset of "the action must be good for it to be the right thing", and instead makes him consider the wider, consequentialist picture; that sometimes, "the action might be a bad thing, but if it results in a good thing, that is the right thing". he reaches, therefore, the conclusion that if crowley ends up doing the right thing, he therefore must be good - and ignores all of the events, all of crowley's behaviour, that point to the contrary. hell, he even ignores all of crowley's own protestations to the contrary. as you say, aziraphale essentialises it.

maybe aziraphale does think that crowley is, at his core, the same person he was as an angel, but... personally, idk how far i currently interpret this to be the case (my thoughts are more along the lines of 'crowley is, regardless of being an angel or a demon, a good person, and that's what counts', but maybe i'm optimistically giving aziraphale more credit than is due). in any case, upon reflection, aziraphale has not learnt from the 'shades of grey' argument... not in relation to crowley. sure, i think aziraphale accepts that he himself is a light shade of grey, but crowley? i don't think he fully comprehends that that same school of thought must apply to crowley too - crowley is not a wholly good person, but arguably is an often dark one who sometimes chooses to do good things/knows when not to cross the line - and therefore lands on the expectation that crowley would return to heaven with him to do good - because that's the right thing for a good person to do. aziraphale has turned to crowley, and holds him to the same ideal to which he previously held in heaven, and arguably in god. these are entities that aziraphale thinks ought to stand, and perhaps originally stood, for "truth, light, and good", and when that went down the shitter in reality, aziraphale has turned to his own reality and found crowley instead. the faith - and comfort that it brings - had to go somewhere. that is not a responsibility crowley should shoulder, under any circumstance, but in not recognising that aziraphale is doing it, aziraphale hasn't been dissuaded from it either.

but hey, let's finally discuss crowley (and if you're still reading... incredible). look, i've made no secret of my... criticism? of crowley, and to reiterate not only what you said in your ask, but also what we've discussed at length; crowley is not a reliable narrator. this, regrettably, makes me reconsider accepting what are posed as core principles of crowley's character. he does not give a consistent account of the fall; whilst what he does say may be, at best, piecemeal snapshots of the events that led to his fall and, at worst, be completely false altogether, the conclusion is the same - there is something missing, and i'd wager that it is something that he doesn't want to admit, confront, and/or reconcile with. add this to his reluctance, or outright refusal, to accept accountability for his actions on a number of occasions, as well as his tendency to skirt around or fudge the truth, and i naturally do not default to taking his word as gospel; that's not to say that i think he has a nefarious, hidden agenda hiding away (obviously not), or is an entirely reprehensible character, but from an audience perspective i think if we're to anticipate some Major Revelations in s3, this is a key place to start.

one quote, from s1, that sticks out to me is, "crowley was all in favour of armageddon in general terms, but it was one thing to bring it about, and another for it to actually happen." this literally is the summary, for me, of all of crowley's ouroboros/boomerang/"this will no doubt come back around to bite me on the ass" characterisation. if i (contrivedly) rephrase this, it reads to me as 'i'm not that bothered about the end of the world and humanity in theory, and happy to add in bits and pieces that would make it happen, but i will have an issue as soon as we start gearing up to press the big red button'. as such, i think we have to contend with the fact that crowley may not be as moral as has been widely accepted. maybe i'm assuming too much, but if you were truly of moral standing, presumably even the notion of setting out plans to destroy the earth would be a big no-no, if you are in fact against the apocalyse because it would mean the destruction of humanity. but of course, this would presume that crowley has any way in which he can viably refuse (which, he doesn't) - to which end, therein lies the dichotomy of the nuremberg argument. is it an immoral action when you don't have the room to consider the moral option? regardless, does that absolve you of consequence?

this would also, presumably, be at odds with AWCW's objections to armageddon as put to us in the pre-fall scene, right? so, to me, the conclusion i reach is this; first, that AWCW obviously does not want the stars, the universe, to disintegrate as a mere bookmark in the wider 'great plan', but this does not come from an altruistic viewpoint; it comes from a more selfish one. and that's totally fair - i probably too would have issues with spending my entire (and at this time, 'entire' is unquantified) existence building and creating, only to see all of my work go down the drain as if it's nothing. but - i do not see it as him having any ulterior, selfless consideration for humanity. second, crowley likes earth, but for the convenient and clever things that exists because of - and in concurrence with - humanity. the reasoning he gives to aziraphale for stopping the apocalypse is just as true for him as it is for aziraphale. there is the line of "you said you would be testing them, but you shouldn't test them to destruction...", an echo of his sentiment at the flood, that gives weight to crowley privately wanting to stop armageddon for humanity's sake. i agree with this assessment on the whole; that crowley holds it as an equally strong and valid reason for thwarting it. but i think it is also fair to at least suggest that this reasoning may also stem from crowley's own personal feelings about the fall - a group of angels that were, presumably, tested to the point of their own destruction - and how god, in his eyes, perhaps should have learnt from that event before planning to do the same to her Ultimate Creation. this, for me, is a little more in line with his characterisation as has been presented so far. 

but then again, crawly seems to be acting selflessly in the job minisode. i, once again, am largely inclined to agree... but for the sake of exploration, i do wonder how far it's entirely selfless, or altruistic, and instead how far it's a projection of thwarting god in the sense of rectifying his own punishment. a case of 'i went through this and it's shit, humanity doesn't deserve the same thing the same thing to happen to them', vs. 'i went through this and it's shit, and now she's up to the same old bollocks because she's awful, so im going to thwart it as a big fuck you to god'. maybe there is no real distinction, or maybe it's a bit of both at the same time, but the former would more strongly suggest to me that, looking at the parallel between job and the fall, crowley was the entirely innocent party in his fall just as humanity is/was, which i don't personally buy. 1827 and preventing elspeth's suicide is a little closer to the mark where selflessness is concerned; "you have sinned very bigly - trying to kill yourself?! it's not on!" strikes me that crowley is now acting out of the interest of keeping elspeth out of hell, where it is pretty clear Bad Things occur. there are other clear instances of good too* - he gets the humans out of bookshop in ep5 and brings back mr brown from hell, he treats jim with kindness once he establishes for his own peace of mind that he's not a threat, and he protects maggie from being accosted by demons (and this is not to mention how he, on the whole, treats aziraphale). suffice to say, crowley is clearly capable of selflessness, and doing both the good and right thing, but i do think that he doesn't necessarily act with selflessness and goodness as his default motivation. there are enough instances to suggest that he isn't a completely moral character.

*now that im thinking about it, it seems that it's largely when the threat of hell specifically looms that crowley is at his most selfless..? hmm.

crowley does centre around the thinking that being an angel/demon as like a job - and tbf to him, it's not an overly out-there conclusion to arrive at. heaven and hell are presented as corporations and they're referred to as "head office", he is given a workload and told to report back, he stretches the truth about what work he is personally responsible for in those reports, and crowley describes himself as a 'former demon' (as if he ever stopped being one - even as a fact of being, he is a demon). so yeah - to him, it is a job. and as you say, he assumes that aziraphale sees it the exact same way which, clearly, he doesn't. crowley states that he never asked to be a demon which may well be true, but it's equally possible that he was given the option to step away from heaven and god, and took it (not knowing that becoming a demon would be the result), to my mind, it's almost like he got sacked from a start-up because he didn't like the direction the company was going and Had Things To Say/actively resisted and denounced it, and then was forced to work in a - in multiple ways - a worse work environment. it's an understatement to say that he's under no illusions that hell is awful, and he too "goes along with [them] as far as he can". however, i'm not entirely sure that we have reached where crowley has his "as far he can" moment like aziraphale has - the fact that he says to aziraphale he said no to hell, when he absolutely didn't, rings alarm bells. 

as explained above, aziraphale doesn't see it in this way at all; what i think crowley finds difficult to understand is that aziraphale's experience of being an angel is very much different to crowley's. aziraphale has existed for millennia on earth as an angel, and aziraphale’s purpose and meaning is wrapped up in being an angel, in everything that it entails, and specifically being an angel that has walked amongst humanity. just as aziraphale is never fully able to empathise with crowley’s position as a demon, and all that occurred to get him there, crowley is just as unlikely to fully empathise with the importance aziraphale places on his own angelhood. in comparison to crowley's situation in being sacked from a start-up, a hypothetical fall for aziraphale would be like being sacked from a business that, whilst you may not agree with them in the majority, has provided you with a career that is the only thing you know how to do, continues to pay for your home and benefits, and without it would leave you stripped of any purpose and meaning, and no idea on what it makes you/where it leaves you without it. and even then this doesn't really scratch the surface - again, aziraphale doesn't see being an angel as being a job.

the final fifteen is where all this comes to the surface. when the two of them individually have their backs against the wall, with no discernible way out, they have very different responses. aziraphale fights, and crowley flees. heaven is a seemingly insurmountable problem that stands in the way of them being left alone (and being together). aziraphale's response is to try to change it, to fight. crowley's response is instead to flee the situation entirely. this is the same with armageddon - another seemingly insurmountable problem - where aziraphale's response is to go above everyone's heads and dial 9-9-god, and crowley's response is to flee. neither of these responses are wrong, both are completely valid, and i genuinely think it is equally possible to see the situation from their individual perspectives. but neither of them understand the other's. aziraphale, who sees crowley as a good person who will do the right thing, doesn't understand why crowley won't fight with him, won't do (as he sees it) the right thing in making heaven what it always should have been, and is instead choosing to flee. crowley, who sees aziraphale as someone who like him as quit his job and wants nothing more to do with either of their former bosses, doesn't understand why aziraphale is choosing to fight, won't prioritise them, and won't go off with him. once again, both are equally valid thought processes to have, but are borne out of being rather significantly off the mark in understanding the other, and instead thinking that the other will act in accordance to what they individually believe the other to be.

#i missed out so much in this and haven't explained my thoughts very well but i couldnt let it get any longer i simply couldn't #also LWA if you'd be so kind as to confirm this is you (or not) - just so i know if this ask needs to be added to your special hyperlink #ta very much #good omens #ask #honestly this is just All of the meta so will just simply keep it tagged to the characters: #aziraphale meta #crowley meta

[wander-wren]

wrt to the “adam shouldve been a visionary” dreamer trilogy/greywaren post i’ve seen a few times (possibly reblogged?)….well, maybe, but also no.

it’s not that i don’t have my own gripes with tdt (namely, yes, not enough adam), but i just…i can’t get behind visionary adam. not canon visionary, anyway.

like. you’re telling me ronan “the choice was death or hurting adam, which wasnt a choice at all” lynch would have handled it with ANY amount of grace if adam “i will be your hands. i will be your eyes” parrish was given the ultimatum “hurt others every time you have a vision and live, or turn the visions inward and quickly die horribly”??? no!!

and maybe in this alternate version of tdt that’s the whole point, yknow. if that’s what you want, ABSOLUTELY go ahead, dream on about it, write the fic, send it to me i’d love to see. etc etc etc

but the point of the dreamer trilogy is that it’s about ronan. so if we’re keeping with that vision (ha), and with the basic premise of the series, then no, i don’t think visionary adam is a good idea.

which begs the question…what WOULD i have adam do?

[disclaimer i read each book as they came out and havent done full rereads since so my memory is spotty, pls correct anything i get wrong]

in all honesty i would keep call down the hawk essentially as it is bc i think it was good. it takes place during november, no? so potentially add in/exchange a shorter adam moment for thanksgiving break. he can help scry and figure out psychic things and be distrustful of bryde.

have winter break be during part of mister impossible. seriously where are adam’s school breaks lmao. adam is relentlessly practical and cares about ronan and he should be here to sow doubt and try to curb some of ronan’s more ecoterrorist tendencies. ronan can sneak around and hide from him and there can be tension and worry and anger. but also a lot of good pynch feelings still, ofc, bc its Them.

but don’t worry! they can still have a big fight/falling out over the ley lines/bryde/the ecoterrorism before adam leaves for school again. as silly as it is that ronan freaked out over an unread text when adam was literally napping, maybe this time it’s deliberate. or maybe adam really was napping again, or driving, or whatever. the rest of mister impossible can play out from there, or a condensed/reshuffled version of it to accommodate adam being there for a while.

greywaren can start the same, but for the love of god let ronan get out faster it is HIS BOOK. i do like henessey helping him do that i think its an important part of her character, and adam’s part in all that was very good and angsty so i wouldnt change it, but i would have it happen in the first half. ronan and adam make up and go off to do whatever was happening by the end of greywaren tbh i got confused. or something totally different! who knows.

also i just want to see adam interact with the actual visionaries and with carmen and henessey more and with bryde i think it would be very cool. very fun.

i also think gansey/blue/henry shouldve shown up literally ever at all but idk how they fit in so shh

#wren wrambles #the raven cycle #the dreamer trilogy #greywaren #call down the hawk #mister impossible #ronan lynch #adam parrish #pynch #i love maggie and i think she does Lots Of POVs And Happenings well ie in the raven king #but like #greywaren just felt like too much to me a little bit #i feel like there were too many things where i was like ‘wait why is this here did we Need another plot thread mstief’ #or ‘wait can we. can we explain/explore/elaborate on that? no? oh. okay then’ #but i digress #i do appreciate that this is ronan’s story and it’s important to his arc that he make mistakes and figure shit out on his own #or with henessey #something something its a metaphor. barely. its fairly literal #yknow when you grow up and go to college or a job or whatever and you dont have your hs friends around 24/7 #and you have to figure out who you are without them #for better or for worse. and you still love them but. theyre not There. you have to find new people and a new You #right? right #adam is important and should be there more bc hes Dating Ronan but i am also perfectly fine with them being separate a fair amount #i feel like you could do even more with this but tbh its almost 5am and i havent slept bc i was going to #but i had to write this down #so its not exactly perfectly thought out

[lavendertarot]

There's a pattern I'll occasionally see in fandoms with very character-driven stories, where the most popular characters will be read into so much that themes and arcs from other characters will get prescribed to their character instead.

People can analyze characters however they like ofc, but it's frustrating from an overall textual analysis standpoint; it's very often the result of the "fandom academic" not only projecting what's already explored better on other characters onto their blorbo, but also their own feelings and projections of themselves. It ends up creating a lot of ooc fanworks that are supposedly backed up by canon but in reality fall flat when considered in context of the original themes of the story they're from.

And like, I don't necessarily think it's the result of someone lacking critical analysis skills, because oftentimes it's not like they're pulling these additional character traits out of nowhere. These traits exist within the text within other aspects of it, such as being arcs better explored by other characters or issues that are more pronounced in less popular characters, so there's a level of recognition that the overall text is utilizing these themes.

I think the issue itself stems from an inherent need to grant characters (aka mechanisms to tell a narrative) a level of personhood that separates them from the context that they exist in. It's partially related to fandom-as-activism if you ask me, but also partially related to how we as modern internet users comprehend our senses of identity from within the digital space. The way that social media sites encourage users to condense and market themselves and post the most "exciting" and "marketable" aspects of themselves online isn't dissimilar to how one could hypothetically comprehend how a fictional narrative is structured. That combined with how facebook in the 2000s/early 2010s encouraged people to show a more "true" version of themselves, essentially resulted in a combination where everyone is a perfectly manicured, marketable, fake (fictional) version of themselves, while also being a real and honest person. Thus a trend of viewing every form of a manufactured person or character as also real, complex, and just like you fr, may have sprung up.

Not to mention the fact that corporations that produce character-driven stories will rely on you *as a consumer* to grow attached to fictional characters and see them as people instead of concepts, because you're more likely to continue consuming their products if you believe that the character you're engaging with has that personhood to connect to. It's akin to a celebrity endorsement, except they don't have to pay for an actual celebrity and the risks that are associated with it.

Ultimately though, issues really start to show up when "fandom academics" prescribe their *own* personhood to characters and thus forget the context that the character (as means to tell a story) exists in. That action then causes a level of dissonance between their attempted objective analysis of a character and the way one would analyze that same character as part of the rest of the cast and overarching themes of the text. Thus the ooc character that has traits that appear to be either stolen from another source within the text or the author themselves is born.

Or something like that idk

#my posts #this isn't about any of my mutuals btw it's about a general pattern I've seen in fandom spaces #...jeez tho I did not intend to write an actual whole ass essay on this concept (minus citations. mb) #The character essay I read that inspired this is good art ig :/

[whetstonefires]

this is very much from nowhere but you've HAD skip beat! thoughts before and i am rereading parts of this nonsense and i am having thoughts. primarily, i think skip beat! would be improved by aging all the characters up like 10 years but keep key ages the same. e.g. kyoko meeting kuon whenthey were 6 and 10 respectively, her and sho going to tokyo at 16 etc. the introduction of vie ghoul rings a bit hollow when sho has only been famous 1 years, but if he's a properly established idol who is aging out of the circuit, you get complexity. the dark moon arc doesn't have the same punch since forbidden love and everything but that's easily adjusted for aged up characters. these thoughts are presented by the fact that i keep forgetting they are 16/17 and 20.

I HAVE ANSWERED THIS ASK THREE TIMES. SEVERAL HOURS OF EFFORT HAVE BEEN DELETED BY VARIOUS TECHNICAL FOIBLES. i used to highlight-all-copy long posts as I went for safety (this was imperfect) but the new block-based text editor doesn't allow it....

So short version of this answer now, you're probably better off this way without all my in-depth rambling textual analysis haaladksklask;dlk. Like, you're losing some fun content but hey third draft right. Condensed essence of idea.

So, I don't at all mind being spontaneously tagged in on something like this! :D But sadly, I must disagree. I don't think that would work.

First there are practical points, where I think you're underestimating how much the idol industry is a child-munching horror, and how having someone debut in her late 20s would be nonsense--that's Christmas cake, she's an old maid. Teenagers only. The basic career-arc expectations that give the plot its rough shape don't wash.

And then if Shou's career had been at this level for 10 years--he's been consistently chart-topping for months, inspired to new creative heights by his rivalry with Kyoko--he'd be the icon of a generation, and plagiarizing him would be a totally different ballgame. He'd have some measure of institutional power, instead of everyone expecting him to flame out any moment now anyway. (The Beagles could still run that con, the calculus would just look different.)

He is utterly disposable to his owners, right now; he's profitable but they haven't invested that much in him. He's already gotten further than anyone is expected to, especially without loads of nepotism. He's not aging out of performing at all, but people are in fact counting down to his expiration date as a wild success as a singer-songwriter, which is what Vie Ghoul threaten to bring upon him.

But more importantly in character terms, I think our leads absolutely have to be the ages they are--like, Ren was clearly only made 20 for Age Gap Reasons lol, but all his development since has leaned on it in such a way he'd become incoherent if he were more than like 2 years older, at this point.

When the personality under the persona starts to surface, a lot of him is still basically a precocious teenager, because he hasn't been living as a whole person since before the breakdown. But he has been living. The longer he'd been doing that, the more profound his alienation from Kuon would be, and that would change the arc.

He's only been Ren for about five years. He's left that kid behind but he's also only just stopped being a kid, really.

The difference between how you look back on and hate yourself at 15 when you're 20, versus when you're 30.......

And then, if Kyoko had lost twelve years to Shou, somehow not being discarded or figuring it out that whole time, and was now facing the world at 26 with nothing to her name but long-ingrained habits of service and self-abnegation and dozens of minimum-wage jobs from which she saved nothing because it all went to Shou, that would be much more bleak.

Do you know what it's like to be 26 and ruined, and to know you did this to yourself?

This jousei version is going to have a hard time not being about either 1) actual physical murder or 2) the grieving process for yourself as a preliminary to self-reinvention.

Kyoko absolutely does the latter in canon, but it works differently folded into a coming-of-age narrative. Bildungsroman for a woman in her late 20s whose formal education ended at age 14 getting out of an emotionally abusive relationship could be a really moving and meaningful work, but it couldn't be this story.

The thing is, this is a manga about trauma, especially childhood trauma, and its role in identity. Kyoko and Ren are both going through their arcs from the context of the very very weird and uneven development process that happens as a result of 'neglect' and 'parental fuckery' and 'bullying' and 'isolation' and 'child labor.'

They had very different experiences! Ren's parents adore him. But Shou's parents loved Kyoko too; it wasn't enough to make up for everything else.

Kyoko is super mature and hypercompetent in some areas and has huge developmental deficits in others. We are introduced to the traumas underlying this fairly quickly, for the most part, although detail kept unfolding for a very long time, and at the same time we watched her go through stages of self-recognition and acceptance, and start to heal. A huge part of this has been nurturing and honoring her inner child.

Ren, we come to see over time, has a lot of the same shit it's just subtler, and he has a much harder time unpicking it. Partly because of who he is as a person--a good liar for one thing--partly because Kyoko started off with a big burst of rage at an external target to launch herself forward and discard a lot of her repression habits in one go, while the main person Ren hates is himself.

(Remember their first conversation when he went off on her, totally breaking persona only we didn't know him yet to know it? I need to reread that again, it's been a while. But from what we know now it sure looks like he saw his younger self in her, and since he's fucked up this led to lashing out. Which was one of the most genuine human interactions he'd had in possibly years by then!)

Partly because he's older. Four years is not generally a whole lot when it's 26 to 30, but from 16 to 20 there's a big shift in plasticity of character, and he just spent his late adolescence cramming himself into a Tsuruga Ren mold only to realize there are limits to the efficacy of this coping mechanism and he's hitting them.

Due specifically to work, and the specific expectations of adulthood! Which, talk about realism wrt mental health struggles around age 20, oof.

Anyway yeah I think the age gap influences their relationships to their child-selves in ways that have been vital to their character developments and how they've influenced each other through them, which would make no sense if they were ten years older.

Would it be Less Problematic? I mean, yeah, but it also would lose the psychological realism that is, perhaps bizarrely, very present in this wildly stylized comedy workplace romance about acting and the processing of trauma.

Kyoko's characterization would be rife with insulting infantilization if she was approaching 30, but in fact she is A Teenager and this is exactly how she should be; it's a sign of health.

Honestly I just think a lot of the shit these characters do only makes sense because they are or recently were teenagers. The intensity of teenage emotions....like Kyouko's whole poltergeist phenomenon, that's classically adolescent for a reason. Shou being in the process of realizing that his shitheadery was like, actually bad; much more acceptable at 17 than 27.

They'd all be weirdly stunted individuals at ten years older, and just much weirder people than they already are. The whole cast can't be Takarada Rories there needs to be some variation lmao.

#ask #hoc est meum #ruterdam #skip beat! #i actually physically injured myself typing all these thousands of words #so while my opinion is that you're wrong please understand #that i'm saying it with great love #hm i'm behind i should catch up again #i have been following this fucking comic since *I* was seventeen #[softly] hey what the fuck #meta #skip beat spoilers #mogami kyoko #tsuruga ren

[lutiaslayton]

Hi everyone! This is a post I’ve been thinking of making on and off, and was sort of hoping I wouldn’t need to—but which I have decided to write now just to be on the safe side, since weeks are passing and the time I am able to spend on datamining and analysing the canon evidence is not nearly enough for me to get any real work done. And with the last few months of my PhD coming at a much higher speed than I’d like, things are not going to get any better.

I will start by giving you all a small gift: This Google Drive folder!

It provides a list of .zip files, one per game, which contain the datamined text I was able to retrieve. The raw text, and nothing else.

I initially only wanted to make it public once I would be actually done cleaning up the files (you will soon see that CV, DB and UF are all marked as “WIP”), but once again, “cleaning up the files” is an absolute nightmare for the DS games. We’re talking more than a thousand files per language, per game, that need to be edited one by one in order to remove a pile of garbage characters, sometimes separate files that are merged and contain lots of garbage characters in-between, and in some cases re-encoding the files into UTF-8 format instead of Shift-JIS—and all of this manually, because python has been incapable of reading files that contain said garbage characters, and because although I did use a few scripts and commands to trim things down a bit and make the human job easier, I am not confident enough in bash to fully know what I’m doing with it. So, yes, a nightmare. I gained a new appreciation for the 3DS games for being so nice and easy to clean up in comparison.

So yeah, since I won’t be able to clean up these files anytime soon anyway, I decided to share the link now! Because it’s technically been here for months, and hasn’t changed much in that time. It’s still a mess regarding the original trilogy, I apologise for it being a mess, but I did what I could and this is all I can provide for the time being. At least be thankful that MM, AL and vsAA all have “Condensed” versions that gather every single line of text in a human readable format, inside one single file per language, prepared by yours truly (and python, which this time was cool and helpful <3)

Announcement n°2: The playthrough and the Puzzle Theory™

Because I don’t have much free time, I have not yet had the opportunity to look at EVERYTHING that is canon, do stuff such as making statistics to back up my biassed observations (something I also happen to suck at, which isn’t helping), and so on. While I do not regret writing the Puzzle Theory posts I made in the past, I do want to put an asterisk to them: here’s your PSA reminder to check your sources, and not believe blindly everything I say. While I try to support every point I make by citing my exact sources and providing the evidence I’m using to support my claims, I am still a flawed human being capable of making mistakes—and the fact that I haven’t yet reviewed every single line of dialogue in order to make a thorough search of every piece of evidence that the canon provides is the major thorn in my side in that matter.

I am fully aware that this is all done only for fun and in good faith, but I’m also very much aware that what I’m trying here is to make a theory that is 100% canon compliant; and, well, I can’t exactly claim in good faith that everything in the theory is 100% canon compliant until I’ve actually done my research to 100% too now, can I?

The fact that the theory has evolved since I first posted about it, and that I am for example no longer supporting the idea that every single puzzle in the universe was created because of the Azran, is proof that the theory is a work in progress. I am therefore losing confidence, not in the credibility of the entire theory, but in the credibility of some aspects of it that are one line of dialogue away from being potentially proven wrong and replaced with a more credible hypothesis.

So now, first because I don’t have the time to do that review stuff, and second because I don’t want to risk saying things that I will find out later down the line to be incorrect, I’d rather avoid talking in too much depth about the puzzle theory up until I’ve finally been able to dive into the canon lore from the first to the very last line of dialogue. I will still answer asks if I get them, of course, but just be aware that my answers will most likely be vague “maybes” rather than “oh yeah I 100% agree.” Either your assumptions can be disproved or clarified by canon evidence I do remember coming across, and I will therefore say “at least I know that this very specific thing you said contradicts canon because of X source,” or I will just give a patient and prudent nod paired up with a noncommital shrug.

I will not edit my previous posts, but here’s the reminder once again—don’t believe every word you read without using your own brain cells first! (Someone’s whispering in my ear that a certain someone y’all may or may not know once said that “Critical thinking is the key to success.” Wise words.) As a PhD student who currently works in academic research, I can tell you that whether in IRL science or in “fandom research for fanfic purposes,” in both cases the journey can lead to flawed hypotheses proven wrong, and other mistakes that must be corrected. My view of the puzzle theory has evolved once again bit by bit since I last posted here, but I’d rather avoid talking about it too much out of fear of stating even more new hypotheses that could end up being wrong later down the line, and would only spread confusion over anything else.

So, although puzzles being somewhat sentient and part of the Laytonverse inhabitants’ daily lives is pretty much an indisputable fact, anything that tries to explain how puzzles work or where they come from is still a massive mystery whose resolution is a work in progress at best, an unsolvable mystery that will end up being completely impossible to decipher at worst.

Reading every single piece of dialogue that’s available in canon (+ in the Japan-exclusive content) is on my to-do list, so I can narrow things down, clarify what is most likely to be “potentially canon,” and add errata to the hypotheses I made in the past that ended up being either contradicted by canon, or at the very least not as likely as a different, more recent hypothesis — and the playthrough series is definitely going to continue along with it. It’s just… not something I am physically capable of doing right now.

Announcement n°3 : Stable Like Sand

Last thing, about my fanfic series: as much as I would love to keep writing it every day, and as much as I probably will keep writing it from time to time, I just need to remind myself that there is… another thing I also need to write right now. A thing that people usually call a “thesis.” So, uh, I can’t say whether SLS will be put on complete hiatus for now, and I really hope it won’t, but I also can’t make any promises either way. I’m only saying this as a reassurance: don’t ask whether or not SLS will be discontinued, because it absolutely is not going to be! I am simply obligated to write something else for my IRL studies/job (technically both?), something that is much less fun, and because of this, I just don’t know how much of my free time I will have left for SLS. Just keep in mind that up until December, I will be even busier a bee than I’ve already been so far, and I don’t really know what my agenda will be like during that time (and what comes after that is even more uncertain, but I do hope that at least it won’t be as filled to the brim with tasks to take care of).

All in all, this post was made just to give you some quick news, reassure people that even though I may perhaps disappear for a few months at some point without warning, I’m not going anywhere. I am just going to be most likely very busy and stressed out, and perhaps I will not be able to stay responsive at times, but I’m not going to actually disappear forever. And in the best case scenario, perhaps I won’t even disappear at all!

#pl puzzle theory #stable like sand #lutiasreplies

[jenna--ortega]

There are two main components involved in the above gif, rotoscope and keyframe. I briefly mentioned rotoscoping in my gif process post. It is my most used function in AE for gif making. In this tutorial, I’m going to show you how to do it step by step. I’ll assume you already know how to gif in photoshop if you’re reading this.

Tool: I used After Effects 2021. Any version with Roto Brush version 2.0 should work.

Warning: Long post, gif & image heavy

Disclaimer: I am still a noob when it comes to using AE. Here are the youtube tutorials that I followed when I made the original gif set. (x)(x) Also, please excuse the choppy gifs, I didn’t know better back then.

I have already made these 2 gifs in photoshop and exported them as videos (the ones below are gifs for illustration, I would recommend you to export them to videos for processing in after effects). Make sure they’re of the same length. I’m gonna call the first gif the base gif, and the second gif the top gif. I added the text in photoshop, you can totally do it in after effects as well. The font for the big text is Ciudad Podrida and for the small texts it’s Roboto Bold Condensed.

1. Importing files

1. Open a new project.

2. Import your files by either going to File → Import → File. Or simply drag you files into the Project panel.

3. Drag your files to the timeline panel.

2. Rotoscoping

1. Double click on the layer you would like to rotoscope to open the layer window. This is the window you will work on for the following steps.

2. Click the Roto Brush Tool to start rotoscoping.

(I have rearranged the layer and composition panel so it’s easier to view. The layer panel is the one on the left.)

3. Choose a frame where the object is seen (not covered) to start. And paint across the object. Here are some tips from adobe.

Start with one stroke that cuts across the object.

Don't draw an outline around the object. Draw through the middle, passing through any regions on the object that have different color or brightness.

Don't paint across edges as this can confuse the selection.

4. Go to Effect Controls panel and choose Best for Quality.

(I have added a white background for better illustration)

5. Add more paint strokes to select the entire object.

6. Alt+drag to paint over areas you would like to deselect from your selection.

7. Once you’re satisfied with you selection, hit spacebar to propagate your selection to all frames.

8. You can review the selection frame by frame to add or remove any selection.

9. To refine your selection, go to Roto Brush Matte in the Effect Controls panel.

Feather: It kinda rounds out your selection

Contrast: It determines how sharp the edges of your selection are. A lower contrast gives a more feathery effect to the selection.

Reduce Chatter: To reduce unwanted background that may have been selected by AE

The first gif is when the options are at their default values. The second gif is after I adjusted the values. This is a rough selection I just did. When the object has a lot of movement or has colours that are very similar to the background like this one. It’ll take a bit more time to refine the selection.

10. Once you’re satisfied with your selection. Hit freeze to freeze your roto brush selection.

This is what you should have now. I will then add a drop shadow and move the rotoscope to the side.

To add a drop shadow, go to Effects & Presets on the right and search for drop shadow. Drag the drop shadow preset to your top gif layer.

You can edit your drop shadow in the Effect Controls panel. Here’s my drop shadow settings for this gif.

To move the top gif to the right. Go to the timeline panel, click the little arrow on the left of your layer to open up the settings. Go to Transform → Position, and adjust the y-axis value.

3. Refine edge tool

Sometimes, when selecting hair/fur where the background is peeking through, you would want to use the refine edge tool.

(Example taken from this gif set)

To paint with the refine edge tool, click and hold the roto brush tool button until a menu pops up, and choose refine edge tool. Then simply paint over areas that need refining, for this gif it’s the area where the background is peaking through her hair. After that, you can again adjust the refine tool selection in the Effect Controls Panel.

4. Keyframes

The second key part of the gif is animating the bar progression.

1. Create a bar of your desire length by going to Layer → New → Shape Layer, or right click anywhere and choose New → Shape Layer.

2. Click and hold the Rectangle Tool, choose Rounded Rectangle Tool. Then draw the bar where you wanted on the gif in the shape layer. And add a drop shadow to the bar (opacity: 50%, direction: 235.0°, distance: 4.0, softness 5.0).

3. To adjust the roundness of the shape. Go to the timeline panel, open up the options for your shape layer. Then go to Contents → Rectangle → Roundness, adjust the value to your liking.

4. Before animating the bar, you need to move the anchor point to the beginning of the bar. Click on the Pan Behind (Anchor Point) Tool, or hit Y on your keyboard. Then move the anchor point to the beginning of the bar.

5. To animate the bar, go to timeline and choose the frame where you want the bar to reach 100% length. Then open up the shape layer options, go to Transform → Scale, click the chain button to unlink the width (x) & height (y) transformation. Then click the stopwatch button on the left to create a keyframe.

This is how it should look afterwards.

6. Then go to the first frame, and change the width (x) to 0% to create another keyframe.

Now you should have something like this. The bar progress from 0% to 100% at a constant rate.

7. To get the animation to ease in and ease out, meaning it starts and ends slower and speed up in the middle. Highlight your 2 keyframes. Right click the keyframe and choose Keyframe Assistant → Ease Ease.

To get more control over the rate of progression. You can click the graph icon and adjust the curve handles.

This is now what you should have. Repeat for all of the listed items and you’ll have the end result.

5. Exporting video

To export, go to File → Export → Add to Render Queue. Then Click Render to export.

Sometimes there might be transparent areas in your video that you’d want to keep. To do that, click on Lossless to open up the Output Module Settings and changed the Channels from RGB to RGB + Alpha.

After exporting the AE file as video, I’ll import it back to PS, convert to frames, set frame delay, then export as gif.

This is the end of the tutorial. Hope this helps.

As always, happy giffing!

#allresources #userstar #uservivaldi #userlyra #supervalcsi #usernums #tuserkay #aphrandt #userrobin #userdanni #userdosa #userkosmos #maystag #usershreyu #userannalise #tuserthing #agentplant #userv #usernanda #rogerhealey

[askanaroace]

I’ve been thinking about coming out to my friends for a while now. I’ve only ever come out to one person, and it was over text and I did a pretty bad job of explaining aromanticism.

I also would like to send them some links to articles or other media talking about/explaining aromanticism. Do you have any recommendations? Or advice?

I’m sorry if I sound dumb or if this question has already been asked a million times, I just want to make sure I come out in a good way.

AUREA is the leading (and pretty much only) dedicated resource on aromanticism, and includes both a resources page and a page with coming out advice.

The Ace and Aro Advocacy Project has resources as well, including a downloadable pdf version of their glossary, though in its entirety, that might be overwhelming to provide to the people you're coming out to. But they have a ton of helpful pages, including this downloadable 101 primer on aromanticism.

Aromantic Guide is a nicely parsed out, concise resource on learning aromanticism 101. Queer Condensed did a pretty nice pamphlet, but for the best resolution version, you have to get access to the google drive. >.>

There's wikis for everything, and while I find it's easy for them to fall behind, they're great to provide quick and easy definitions to others.

Aros have spent a lot of time here on tumblr carving out spaces for ourselves and educating others. Especially those of us with blogs dedicated to aro advocacy and education I'm sure would not mind you linking to any posts of ours that you find helpful. (I've got a bunch of contextual posts on various coming out scenarios, for example.)

With increasing awareness and advocacy projects, February is a pretty good month to find articles and interviews about aromanticism, like these pieces: "Do You Lack Desire for Romance?" by Goalpost and "11 Things You Need to Know for A Successful Aromantic Relationship" by bonobology (neither of which is perfect - they still claims all aro people desire intimacy - but would be okay for introducing people to the concept). Along better lines, Queerious did a serious of interviews to get a variety of aromantic perspectives on aromanticism and the issues facing us.

To be honest, I would not spend much time trying to gather a lot of sources for your friends. For the most part, people are going to be unlikely to click and read through any link you send them, especially if you send them a lot. I would pick one link and one TAAAP download that are concise and clear. When you come out, people's first instinct is to ask you. People tend to not want to go out of their way to learn more but can be more willing to listen to what it means to you. (Are there some people who are genuinely good allies who will not mind self-educating? Certainly! But I would prepare for the more common scenario and expect people to ask you questions regardless of how well they might be answered in your speech/text.)

Remember, you are just you. Regardless of the pressures on you, the only person you can speak for is yourself. You don't need to represent all of us. You don't need - especially during your coming out - to represent the entire variety of aromantic feelings and experiences. All you need to do is talk about you. Further education can and will come later. People will make assumptions and many of those will be incorrect. Learning is a continuous process. Coming out is a continuous process (unfortunately). You don't have to say everything all at once. Boil it down to the most important information (you're aromantic & what this means in your words) and know that it will likely come up later and there will be chances for you to expand on various things you want to expand on.

Also, just because someone appears not to understand aromanticism, don't be hard on yourself. It's on them to be open-minded enough to care to learn, and unfortunately, some people just aren't (especially on a first reaction before they've had time to think and process).

Good luck!

#aromantic #aro #resources #coming out #coming out 101 #aromantic 101 #arospec #aro spectrum #aromantic spectrum #ask #anonymous

[rollercoasterwords]

omg hi, hello, it’s me again (anon from the non fandom rec ask)

I’d absolutely love to hear the nonfiction recs you alluded to as well.

Already added all the last books to my reading list, thank you so so much 😖🙏

omg hi hello yay this is so exciting for me okay here are some nonfiction recommendations!!! most of these are pretty accessible even if u aren't super familiar with reading theory + i've noted the ones that are a little more dense or might require some more background knowledge before jumping in:

The Invention of Heterosexuality by Jonathan Ned Katz. Literally what the title says - Katz traces the historical invention of the word "heterosexuality" along with how its meaning has changed over time, bringing into focus just how recent our modern social constructions of sexuality are. You can also find a condensed article version if you don't want to read an entire book--same title and everything.

Screw Consent: A Better Politics of Sexual Justice by Joseph Fischel. I just finished this book recently and loved it, but it's not something I would recommend engaging with if you don't already have some like...groundwork for engaging with feminist and queer theory. Like it is very much not a beginner text but the work it's doing is so so important in addressing a lot of the issues with our post #MeToo cultural rhetoric and politics when it comes to discussing rape culture and sexual violence.

Sister Outsider by Audre Lorde. Personally I simply think everyone should read some Lorde at some point in their lives.

Borderlands/La Frontera: The New Mestiza by Gloria Anzaldúa. Because I also think everyone should read some Anzaldúa at some point in their lives.

Women, Race & Class by Angela Davis. Another essential feminist text.

Are Prisons Obsolete? by Angela Davis. Highly highly highly recommend for anyone wanting to learn more about prison abolition (specifically within a U.S. context).

The End of Policing by Alex S. Vitale. This goes hand in hand with the Angela Davis listed above and is a pretty straightforward breakdown of why police are unnecessary and some possibilities of what a society without them (or defunding them) could look like (again, within a U.S. context).

+ some bonus recs that are a little more niche:

Regarding the Pain of Others by Susan Sontag. This book dives into the ethics of like...trauma + photography but honestly a lot of the points Sontag makes feel very relevant beyond that context considering the world we live in where pretty much everything gets uploaded online.

No Future: Queer Theory and the Death Drive by Lee Edelman. This is perhaps the single most influential work of theory i've come across in my life on just like...a personal level. Like Edelman's theory of reproductive futurity is burned forever in my brain and fundamentally altered my worldview. That being said this book is NOT FUN to read and it is incredibly dense. I had to return to it many times and discuss it at length with the professor who was teaching it to me before I finally started to grasp it, and then it was literally like my eyes had been opened and could never be shut again. so! i feel compelled to include it in any nonfiction recommendation list, but i definitely recommend going in with some groundwork already laid when it comes to ur engagement with queer theory.

Men, Women, and Chainsaws by Carol J. Clover. Simply a quintessential text for anyone interested in feminism + horror, which i very much am.

Zombies and Sexuality: Essays on Desire and the Living Dead ed. by Shaka McGlotten and Steve Jones. This book is soooo fucking fun i absolutely love zombie theory. some of the essays are denser than others so it's probably best to go in once you already have some background engaging w queer + feminist theory. my favorite chapters were "Take, Eat, These Are My Brains: Queer Zombie Jesus"; "A Love Worth Un-Undying For: Neoliberalism and Queered Sexuality in Warm Bodies"; and "Re-Animating the Social Order: Zombies and Queer Failure".

+ my current nonfiction read:

Texts after Terror: Rape, Sexual Violence, and the Hebrew Bible by Rhiannon Graybill. Look even if you've never touched the bible in your life my favorite thing about this book is the way Graybill questions our frameworks for discussing sexual violence and proposes new ones that better account for the gray area that is so often (and so problematically) scrubbed out by the cultural emphasis on consent. This text engages with the Fischel book I mentioned above, it's just that Graybill's trying to add more nuance into our discussions of rape culture specifically in her area of expertise, which happens to be the Hebrew bible. This is another one where I'd recommend some groundwork in feminist and queer theory before jumping in though :)

#i simply love reading and learning and thinking about topics!!!! #book recs

[somekndofnature]

No Other Way #24

Hello all! So, please be patient with me, I have a little bit to say before we get to the actual story. I’ve got another one for the domaystic2022 prompt list. I’m determined to finish before the end of the year. 

I’ve decided to go back and add the number in the title of these posts so people can tell which ones they’ve read or not. I hope that helps @shikonstar I can totally understand why it would be frustrating. (I’ve been loving reading your tags by the way; makes my day 😁) (as does the tags and comments from all of you❤️ I totally haven’t expected the warm reaction these shorts have received.)

Once I finish with this challenge, I’m going to split the entire story up by fandom on AO3, but I wanted to wait until I reach the finish line. I hope you all understand; my neurotic brain won’t let me change up the formatting of each chapter in the same collection too much before I reach that goal. It would drive me insane and completely derail me.  

Anyway...I hope you all enjoy my first story about human Inuyasha. I hope to delve a little deeper into this in my longer story but here’s a taste. I won’t deny that hanyou Inuyasha is my favorite, but I love the idea of him being a little more emotional and irrational on his human nights. There’s a bit of role reversal in this story. Inuyasha gets into some trouble and Kagome comes to the rescue.  

I quoted the song that this story is based on in this fic because it just felt so apt for the moment. If I had a Spotify, I would add the actual song at the bottom but I still haven’t signed up for it. If you’re interested, go listen to No Other Way by Jack Johnson wherever you get your music. It is a really tender and bittersweet sort of love song, very relevant to the joys and struggles of an every day life shared with another person and a love that endures all of them. 

Okay...that’s enough rambling from me.  I hope you enjoy the story. It is non-explicit, sfw.   

Day 24: alt. What’s that burning smell?

Fandom: Inuyasha; modern MMA AU

Pairing: Inuyasha/Kagome

Rating: G

AO3

Resolve is Just a Concept That's as Dead as the Leaves

Kagome hurried home and glanced up at a dark moonless sky, trying to shake off the lingering frustration from her work day. When she had taken the part-time position at the student library, she had never expected to be so labor intensive. Nor had she expected to get home this late. She looked at her watch; it was nearly nine. Good thing she had remembered to text Inuyasha and tell him she would be running late. She could just imagine the amount of grief he would have given her if he had waited at her bus stop that long.  

Her pace quickened as she approached their building and hit the button for their apartment, hoping Inuyasha would buzz her in. Nothing happened… 

Kagome frowned; he had to be home. He hated leaving the apartment on his human nights.  She pressed the button again, holding it down for a little longer. When she was answered with silence, she dug into her purse, searching for her keys in the bottomless pit. Groaning when she couldn’t find them, Kagome pulled the bag in front of her and held it open under the muted light. There at the very bottom her keys shined back to her; illusive little jerks. She yanked them out and waved the key fob over the lock, pushing through the door.  

Kagome headed toward the stairs, bypassing the mailboxes. She could check it later. Right now, she was a little more concerned about why Inuyasha had gone suspiciously silent. That was never a good indication; either something had gone horribly wrong or…he was sulking.  

She couldn’t really blame him for being so morose on the nights that he was human. In her mind–and only in her mind–Kagome likened to a condensed version of her monthly cycle, when she was cranky, emotional, and just didn’t feel like herself. Not that she would ever dare to voice that comparison outloud; she could just imagine Inuyasha’s reaction. Still, it helped her have more patience with him. She could endure his grumbling and extra prickliness for a night. More often than not, they ended up snuggled on the sofa, watching TV or playing games until the wee hours of the morning, amid his muttered complaints about being weaker, slower, tired. 

Kagome sighed and slowed on the last flight of stairs, rolling her sore neck as a mild exhaustion crept over her. Maybe she could coax him into a few hours of sleep tonight. Kami knew she needed it. 

She pushed through the entrance to their floor and immediately knew something was wrong. A worrying smell was growing stronger the closer she came to her apartment door. Kagome shoved the keys into the lock and it opened into a cloud of smoke.  

“Inuyasha!” she called, abandoning her bags in the entryway and letting the door slam closed behind her. “Inuyasha! What’s that burning smell?” 

“Nothing!” She heard him shout from the direction of the kitchen.  

Kagome coughed and waved a hand in front of her face as she rushed towards the sound of his voice. “Inuyasha!” 

She rounded the corner, eyes going wide at the six inch flames billowing up from the pan on the stove. Inuyasha stood on the opposite side of the kitchen at the sink, sprayer in hand ready to flip on the water.  

“No, no, no,” Kagome cried out as she snatched the lid off the counter and dropped it over the skillet, flipping off the burner in the process. 

Grabbing a towel, Kagome scooted the pan off the heat, holding the lid tightly in place. When it was clear that the fire was smothered, she released a held breath, but it was too soon to relax. The shrill sound of the smoke alarm was still ringing through the apartment and her head.  

“Help me open the windows,” she shouted at Inuyasha over the din.  

He nodded back at her, jaw stiff as he stomped to the balcony door and slid it wide open. Kagome did the same to the two windows in their bedroom and grabbed a couple pillows off the bed before joining him at the open door. She shoved one into his hands and together they fanned the smoke out of their apartment. After several long minutes, the excruciating noise went quiet.  

Kagome blew out a relieved breath before tossing a smile to her partner that he didn’t return. “Well, that was an exciting welcome home.” 

“Exciting?” He scowled at her, his dark gray eyes hard and flinty. “What about that was exciting? I nearly burned the fuckin’ place down!” 

“It was an accident,” she replied in an even gentle tone. “They happen–” 

“Yeah! To humans!” 

“To everyone,” she assured him, trying her best not to let his sharp tone ruffle her. “Why should you get to be immune?” 

He dropped his gaze and growled under his breath, sounding less guttural than normal but no less formidable. 

“Inu–” she whispered while reaching out to him.  

He shrugged off her touch, snatching the pillow from her hands and disappearing into the bedroom. 

Kagome sighed and wandered back into the kitchen to assess the wreckage. There were black scorch marks surrounding the stove, but it looked like the cabinets above and ceiling received the brunt of the damage. They would probably both need a new coat of paint. 

There was water everywhere. It looked like Inuyasha had been battling that blaze for at least a few minutes before she arrived. Kagome shook her head; why didn’t he just grab the fire extinguisher from under the sink? That’s what it was there for! Her brow twitched in irritation but she took a deep breath, striving to be more understanding. He must have been panicked and just a little bit scared; the thought made her heart ache.  

Inuyasha returned a few seconds later, eyes still downcast and contrite hands held behind his back. Kagome looked him over with fresh eyes. The inky black bangs around his face were more scruffy than usual, a few strands no doubt falling victim to the flames. His dark red shirt was streaked with black and had several holes, revealing patches of irritated skin beneath.  

“Inu?” she asked gently. “Are you hurt?” 

“M’fine,” he mumbled, hunching his shoulders. “I’m sorry about the–” 

“I don’t care about that,” she interjected, as she crossed to his side. “Are you okay?” 

“I said I’m fine!” he snapped without looking at her. 

Kagome pursed her lips, trying to rein in the retort crawling its way up her throat. “Then can I see your hands?” 

His scowl deepened, hiding more of his arms behind his back. 

“Inu, please? I just want to make sure you’re alright.”  

After several long moments he complied, holding his hands out in front of her. Angry red burns streaked his arms but his hands were the worst. White blisters had already formed all over his palms, several torn open and oozing clear liquid, no doubt thanks to his admirable efforts to help. He must be in so much pain. 

“Puppy,” she breathed, tears already gathering in her eyes. 

“It’s fine,” he replied in a sullen tone, already trying to hide the injuries from her again. “It’ll be gone tomorrow.” 

Kagome wordlessly grabbed his elbow, leading him towards the sink, and flicked on the tap. She drew his damaged and trembling hands under the water, cooing in nonsensical reassurances as she cupped some liquid in her palms and poured it over his arms as well. Inuyasha released a relieved breath, the tension in his clenched jaw dissipating the longer she held him under the cool stream.  

“Little better?” she asked, rubbing her damp palm across his back in soothing circles.  

He nodded, lips still tight in a thin line.  

“Come on,” she said, giving him a gentle nudge. “Let’s get you patched up.” 

“But the kitchen–” he protested, giving a significant glance to the destruction surrounding them.

“Is not as important as you.” She slipped two of her fingers into one of the belt loops on his jeans and pulled him in the direction of their bedroom. “Don’t argue, puppy.” 

Perhaps sensing that she would not would not be swayed, Inuyasha acquiesced and allowed her to lead him to the bed. 

“Arms up,” she instructed, helping to remove the remnants of his ruined shirt. 

Kagome pulled it over his head, sending the heavy weight of his long dark hair falling down his back. She dropped his shirt to the floor and frowned, brushing her fingers near the reddened skin on his chest and abdomen. It was nowhere near as bad as the burns on his hands and arms but it would still sting.  

Kagome leaned forward, placing a gentle kiss next to one wound. “Poor baby.” 

“Stop fussing.”. 

“Hush,” she chided. “It’s my job to fuss over you when you’re hurt. Now sit down, I’m gonna grab some medicine and bandages for those burns.”

“Keh,” he scoffed, rolling his eyes. “You’re wasting your time. They’ll all be gone in the morning.” 

“Well there’s no reason you need to suffer for the rest of the night.” 

He met her eyes in a silent challenge. 

Kagome raised a dark brow and crossed her arms over her chest. “Inuyasha, sit.” 

He ground his teeth together but still dropped onto the mattress.

She nodded and spun on her heel, rushing into the bathroom and grabbing the well-used first aid kit. When she returned, Kagome bit back a tender gasp at the familiar picture he created, slouched on the bed with a petulant frown etched in place. He looked years younger, more like the vulnerable boy she grew up with, instead of the strong and fearless hanyou he was now. 

Her brows drew together in sympathy as she approached, placing the kit beside him and flicking it open. Kagome dug out a tube of burn cream, hoping it would be enough to soothe some of his pain.  

“Lemme see your hands,” she said, squeezing out a line of medicine onto her fingers.  

Inuyasha lifted his palms up for her inspection and winced as she slathered the cream on his skin with featherlight strokes. It wasn’t until she worked her way up to his wrists that he finally released a pained hiss.  

“Shh, shh, shh,” she cooed, gentling her touch even further as she finished up his arms. “It should start feeling better in a few minutes.” 

Kagome wiped away the last of the cream from her fingers before grabbing a few packets of special bandages and placing them over the worst of the blisters and charred skin. As she pulled out a roll of linen gauze and knelt in front of him to start wrapping his arms and hands, Inuyasha broke his silence. 

“Why am I more angry than you?” he asked in a quiet tone.  

Kagome didn’t look up, hiding a small smile as she continued about her task. “Because the apartment doesn’t matter to me as long as you’re okay. Because you’re embarrassed and probably telling yourself that it wouldn’t have happened any other night.” 

“It wouldn’t have.” 

She shrugged. “Who knows?”

“I do,” he insisted. “If I had been able to smell right, I would have known that something was burning sooner.” His leg started bouncing in agitation. “I only left it alone for a few minutes. By the time I got back, it was already on fire. Then, I sprayed some water on it to try and put it out, but it just got bigger.” 

Kagome gave a sage shake of her head as she tucked the end of the gauze around one wrist and switched to the other hand. “Never throw water on a grease fire. That just spreads it around. You want to smother it…or you could have used the fire extinguisher.” 

“I’m a fucking idiot!” he bit out, glancing heavenward. “How the hell did I forget that?” 

“Don’t be so hard on yourself. It happens in the heat of the moment, Inu.” 

“But I put that there…for you.”

“Yes, I remember.” 

“Because you’re the accident waiting to happen.”  

She took a calming breath, finishing up the last of her work and tucking in the end of the wrapping. “How sweet of you to remind me.” 

“But that’s exactly what I’m talking about,” he said as she stood to her feet. “Shouldn’t you be more smug?” 

Kagome tossed him a confused look as she gathered up the trash and threw it into the small bin by the dresser. “What good would that do?” 

“I don’t know,” he replied. “It would put me in my place, that’s for damn sure.”  

She scoffed, stepping between his spread legs to run her fingers through his hair. ‘Inuyasha, do you really think I’m so petty? I don’t want to put you in your place; I just want to help you. I don’t feel smug or angry or any of the things you seem to think I should feel. I feel worried about you.” She lifted one of his hands, placing a kiss against the bandages. “I hate it when you’re hurt.”

“Keh, stop blubbering,” he muttered. “I’ll be fine.”

‘I know, but that doesn’t stop you from hurting now,” she explained, grabbing up the burn cream again. “Stand up, I need to get your stomach.” 

Inuyasha stood to his feet, waving her away. “It’s fine, that’s not as bad.” 

“Be still and let me put this medicine on, Inu.” 

He grumbled but didn’t fight her as she swiped it onto his tender skin, the muscles jumping at her touch.  

“Better?” she asked, screwing the cap back on the tube and packing the first aid kit away. 

“Yeah, yeah, I told you I’m fine, woman.” 

“Don’t snap at me. I’m trying to take care of you.” 

“Toss me a new shirt then.” 

Kagome rolled her eyes and reached into the dresser on her way back to the bathroom, pulling out a fresh one from the drawer before throwing it at him. Inuyasha caught it from the air just as stepped through the door, putting the kit back in its place beneath the counter. By the time she returned he was fully dressed and pulling his long black hair from beneath his collar. 

She approached him, smoothing her hands over his chest. “There, you’re all taken care of. So now, we can worry about the kitchen.” 

“I’ll clean it up.” Inuyasha wrapped his arms in a loose circle around her waist.

“We will clean it up,” she corrected, rising on tiptoe to plant a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “Then we can order out for dinner. Sound good?” 

He nodded, still seeming a little down.  

“Come on,” Kagome said, plucking at his shirt. “If we tackle it together, we’ll be done in no time.”

It still took them over an hour before they finally decided that it was the best they could do without a much needed trip to the hardware store. The cabinets and ceiling were still stained a blotchy black brown and the burnt  pan was dropped into the sink to soak. Kagome was still hopeful that they might save it.  

Inuyasha remained quiet and downcast, only speaking when it was strictly needed. It took a monumental amount of restraint not to prod at him, checking the urge to ask if he was okay every few minutes. She knew it would drive him crazy but Kagome only grew more unsettled the longer the silence went on.  

It wasn’t until after dinner, when they were cuddled in bed in the wee hours of the morning that she finally began to relax. Inuyasha was lying between her spread legs, arms resting at her sides, and face nuzzled into her cleavage. He took a deep breath and released it on a weary sigh, mumbling against her skin.

‘What was that?” Kagome asked.

He lifted his head, resting his chin on her breast bone. “Thank you…for rescuing me.”

“You don’t have to thank me, Inu.”

“Of course I do,” he replied, watching his finger trace patterns into the skin over her heart. “You saved my ass.” 

“Well, you’re saving mine enough,” she said, threading her fingers into his hair. “Sometimes, it’s nice to be the one protecting you..”

Inuyasha’s eyes slipped closed, leaning his head into her touch. “What’re you saying? You want me to burn down the apartment more often?” 

“You didn’t burn anything down,” Kagome chuckled. “It was really more of a charring.”

“Thanks,” he said in a dry tone, moving his head around until her fingers found the right spot. “I’m sorry, these new moon nights are such a pain.” 

“You’re not a pain,” she soothed, tenderness swelling in her heart as she scratched her nails through his hair just behind his human ear. “You’re still my puppy, even when you’re human. I’ll always take care of you, Inu.” 

Wide gray eyes glanced up at her. “I love you,” he whispered, vulnerability layering his voice.

“I love you, too,” she responded immediately, coaxing him to lay more comfortably against her chest. “Try and relax, puppy. Everything is fine and there’s only a few more hours until sunrise.” 

Inuyasha settled his weight more firmly against her, releasing a contended groan. 

Kagome went back to drawing her fingers through his glossy hair, singing out a soft melody. “Now, please close your eyes, baby, please get some sleep. And know that if I knew all of the answers, I would not hold them from you know all of the things that I know. We told each other…there is no other way. Mmm-mm-mmm.” 

Inuyasha sighed, breaths growing deep and even the longer she sang. Kagome held him through the rest of the night, soothing him back down every time he became restless. By the time the light of dawn graced their windows, both hanyou and human were snoring softly, tangled together in a dreamless embrace.

#domaystic2022 #day 24 #sfw #inuyahsa #kagome #inuyashaxkagome #inukag #human inuyasha #ficlet #fanfiction #hurt/comfort #thank you all so much for your continued support

[drowsyscatterbrain]

​So I had a dream interacting with Wally Darling a while ago-

Was still reeling from it after the next 2 days fr, it’s all kinda blurry now, some details might just be my brain making it up as I type but whatever. (also placed the read more cuz i'm ass at condensing texts & don’t want to make the post too long on dash, either.) cw for some kinda horror description near the end.

Everything felt real, but not at the same time, if that makes any sense. I had my sense of touch and smell, but all of them feels muffled and wonky in some way. Don’t know if dreams are common to have those two senses presence, but anyway-

The dream didn’t take place in the colorful neighborhood, it was a weird place that looked like a hospital and a library smushed together. 

The air smelled like old books and antiseptics, a heart moniter from somewhere beeping constantly. There were hallways and doors like hospitals does, but almost all the walls have bookshelves in them. 

The room we were in was probably the main reading area. It's spacious, has plenty of those long tables with chairs, there were bookshelves standing in rows near the windows, and some walls were covered in books. 

I’m talking about 30cm above ground were all books, almost all the way to the ceiling. 

Felt like the books sucked up all the colors, too. Cuz everything was either pure white or some kind of pale color, then the books were all pretty dark & gives off vibes from a medieval painting.

All except Wally, well kinda. His colors were a bit paler than the official art, but still very vibrant compared to everything else.

All the patients (including me) in there wore hospital gowns, there were plenty of them too. All minding their own business, walking to somewhere, looking for books, sitting down to read, or just sitting...but I can’t see their face. 

Even if I tried to focus, their face remained a blur. It’s like my eyes just decided to censor them. This includes the doctors, nurses, and a couple librarians I saw. Basically just everyone.

Up until I met him, I was walking towards one of those tables, hugging the two books I picked against my chest.

One of them was a thick, black hardback book with a single big golden eye symbol hot stamped on it, the other one was a colorful children’s book, it was old and covered in clear tapes, felt the tape digging into my skin, too. 

Can’t remember much of the book cover other then there’s a chibi version of him near the upper right corner.

So I reached the table, hand on chair about to pull it out, looked up from the books, and there he was. Sitting on the table.

For some reason, he seemed to be made of silicone and metal, his hands and legs were missing, with a bit of wires sticking out and sparks coming out occasionally, but he seemed unaware and was kinda spacing out.

He looked at me 1 second after my eyes are on him. I started talking to him, he replied, this went back and forth for a few moments. Then he lifted his forearms, raptor style, and realized his hands were gone.

He didn’t freak out, he was just like ‘oh’, and got a bit nervous. So I told him to wait and ran off to find any spare parts or tools to help fix him up (I was sure there was a room that has those stuff in the dream). 

I never found that room, didn’t see anything useful on my run, too. Then when I ran out of breath and stopped, I found myself back to the reading room. When I went back to the table, he was all fixed up, now sitting criss-cross applesauce on the table.

I approached, fairly baffled, with a “how did you...?” tumbled out of my mouth, trailing off at the end. And all he replied was “found/borrowed them... somewhere else.” or something like that, while turning and opening/closing his hands, testing them out.

Where did Wally find those parts? how did he fix himself up perfectly in a few minutes with no hands?? I’ll never know.

After a few finger wiggles he looked up from his hands, and thanked me for helping him out. His voice was still monotonic as usual, but I felt his gratitude in every single word. 

Despite the fact that he did all the work, and I basically ended up chasing my own tail with 0 help provided to him. He’s so damn nice, gosh.

Then one of us started another topic, and I eventually sat back down while still talking. The books long forgotten.

During the conversation, I found out the ‘blurry face curse’ applies to him too, but with some twists. I can see his face when I wasn’t directly looking at him. But whenever I looked at anywhere near his head, his face gets blurred up.

I could only vaguely see where his eyes and mouth is(plus nose when he’s in human form), and the blur made my eyes constantly seeing him in different forms, and positions.

Like, at start he was his classic 3ft puppet look, then he moved his head slightly, now he's human, like how Clown drew him in the Pokemon AU and is now sitting across from me, arms folded on the table. 

I spaced out for a second, now he’s back on the table, 3ft again, but in his fleece muppet form. Blinked? He’s across the table again, puppet form and about the same height as me. 

At one point during our chat, the blur even made his face kinda looks like Elvis Presley. (Looked up who he is on Wiki just before bed, might be the cause.)

At around 3/4 of the long chat we were having, I held his face in my hands.

He was back in his 3ft puppet form, leaning a bit closer to me than we first met. I don’t know what I was thinking, or even thinked at all. But I stood up from my seat when he was mumbling to himself and looking elsewhere, reached out, and placed both of my hands on his cheeks. 

His skin felt like silicone with metal underneath and fleece fabric stuffed with cotton at the same time. A bit disorienting, honestly.

Thumbs were about 2cm below his eyes, and I gently stroked his face once or twice before stopping. That seemed to halt his thoughts abruptly, as his eyes widened a bit, his gaze shot straight back to mine. 

A few moments passed, probably processing that I really just went and caressed his face without a word.

Then as I was about to start pulling back from both the confusing texture and the realization kicking in, his response made my brain forgot about them in an almost audible poof:

He closed his eyes, leaned ever so slightly into my left hand, his smile reached his eyes as he let out a few of his unique little laughs. While his hands came up and held mine in place. We stayed like this for a while.

At some point I let go, and he put his hands away, too. Then our chatter started back up again. Now with a bit more positive feelings presence between us.

What officially ended our chat was pretty unexpected, and unpleasant. As it scared us and forced us to find a way out. 

The sunlight from outside started to die down, so did the lights from inside too. And that made the staff members starting to act weird.

Everything except their uniform gradually turned pitch black, like they were ate up by the darkest paint in the world. Their body started to drip like tar and emits soot-like particles into the air, some even grew extra limbs or mutates, with razor sharp claws...and spikes. 

Also they got more and more aggressive the longer it went on, movements became frantic, thrashing and twitching like those faceless nurses from Silent Hill.

Now ‘corrupted’, they started screaming, yelling, begin to throw stuff around and blocking up the corridors with them. At one point the yelling became clear enough to understand, what I heard were basically ‘block up all the hallways and then start killing’. 

The patients started to panic, some of them threw themselves into rooms and locking/blocking up the door, some tried to escape from the windows. But the windows wouldn’t budge, no matter how hard they pried.

Our chatting was cut off by the first shriek, and after we exchanged looks, he hopped off and started speed walking, I got up, went around the table and catching up to him. We held hands as we began to find an exit while trying to remain hidden. 

Despite his height, he was surprisingy fast. As I struggled a bit to keep up with his running.

Also he smelled faintly of fresh apples. Noticed it when I was holding his face earlier, but now it became slightly more noticable. For we were now physically a LOT closer than back in the library. 

He was mostly leading me around, we hid in somewhere squished together a few times, I even scooped him up and bolted once, because he tripped and a staff was closing in a bit too quickly.

The dream started to end when we were just running, at this point, there wasn’t any obstacles in sight. In fact, the whole building kinda just vanished. No screams, no crashes or bangs, nothing. Just white, but we kept going.

The only sound we heard were our own footsteps, echoing across the now completely white void we’re blindly running in.

And then suddenly, my eyes decided to give out. I didn’t slow down, I didn’t let go of his hand. But my vision just kept getting darker, like the lights going out when a movie is about to start, until finally, the blazing white became inky black.

All of my senses soon went with my vision. I was floating in the void, all alone.

And the next thing I knew, I was staring at my bedroom’s ceiling.

#not sure if we successfully escaped or not #but i hope he went back home safely tho #i dont think he liked it there #so did i #that place was crazy. #yeah books are neat but not so much when staffs goes crazy and becomes a threat #but the convo we had was pleasent tho #a bit of excitement here and there #but fairly calm #that was the longest chat i've ever had with someone for years #without any self doubts at least #yea #felt nice #also that part turned out way more romantic than i thought uh #at least i felt like it did #no i don't want to romance him #i just appreaciates wally's existence a lot #i'd die for him fr #Rambling in the tags #wally darling #welcome home #welcome home wally #drowsy's dreams #jus found out i stayed up all night fussing on this so sorry if it looked like ass. #i'm going to bed now