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keepthisholykiss · 8 months

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i swear to god i am not an alarmist nor do i want to sound like one but time is a circle and history repeats blah blah but i think its important we recognize that the satanic panic IS back and we might be about to face those horrible fucking things all over again (imo satanic panic actually never ended but thats a tumblr essay for another day) researching the satanic panic was a fairly in-depth special interest of mine for a few years and i am seeing a number of very concerning headlines that lead me to believe the current conservative narrative paired with major headline murders will eventually lead to the same issues (or worse) than the 70s and 80s. tw for anything related to true crime/death below the fold im assuming this will get suppressed because of the topic also so feel free to reblog if you are so inclined.

there are two major court cases and one social media movement that lead me to this conclusion currently given their media coverage within a calendar year. i HOPE i am overexaggerating but i AM deeply concerned.

aiden fucci - this teen was recently sentenced after pleading guilty to murdering another teen in 2021. coverage of this case heightened when evidence was shown in the sentencing hearings which included "satanic" drawings. this was the first case i saw to raise my red flags.

the delphi murders which recently (like yesterday) had a major update which is what prompted me to make this post. this is a case of two girls in delphi, indiana who were murdered but managed to capture the potential killer on snapchat. the suspect was recently found and has now released a 100 page affidavit detailing why the girls were killed. this affidavit details sacrificial ceremonies and a cult of odinism. this case has received a large amount of interest over the years as it was long considered an unsolved case, this case will receive much larger attention nationally than cases like aiden fucci and may be the beginning of the panic "properly."

also worth mentioning is bryan kohberger - while this case has not taken the full panic on yet i am not counting it out as trial has not started. this is the idaho four murder suspect out of pellman washington. his case has gained notoriety and he is still awaiting trial as he just waived his speedy trial rights. you may have heard about this case prior to kohberger's arrest when a tiktok psychic claimed a professor committed the murders out of lesbian rage. this was proven to be untrue and kohberger is currently the only suspect on record. but how is this related to satanic panic? this case is currently being devoured by conservative journalists and "lone wolf" media figures who are convinced the entire case is a police cover-up for everything from drug abuse to cp to trafficking itself. major incel groups are flooding to content surrounding the case, littering their videos with dog whistles, to try and change the narrative. this is not currently a major satanic panic foundation to me but this coverage has gone so many different ways and the coverage is so fucked that i have my eye on it. as for social media, recent years have seen a rise in christian influencers. this has been, in-part though not solely because, "cringe" reaction channels or commentary channels have platformed many of these influencers. these influencers have used their newfound holy fame to create videos exposing "satan" in media. we may look at them and laugh but they are spreading true fear that at least some people believe. this is extremely harmful when we consider that real, convicted murder cases are supporting these ideas. we've seen this story before just decades earlier without the internet.

if you're reading this freaking out over the possibility of another widespread campaign to eliminate non-christians, queer people, and poc then i encourage you to read about the satanic panic of the past to better inform yourself. get better at identifying ai-generated articles, images, and conservative fear mongering. here are my personal reading recommendations. if i am afraid for no reason then hey at least you have some reading reccs. again i hope im wrong, i never want to see that shit repeated but fuck if i dont absolutely fear this next election year and what it may bring out. books on the satanic panic and/or its lead-up: unmask alice by rick emerson satan's silence by debbie nathan satanic panic: pop cultural paranoia in the 1980s chaos by tom o'neill books on misinformation or conspiracy: trust the plan by will sommer the midnight kingdom by jared sexton the storm is upon us by mike rothschild

not-books that you can also check out: you're wrong about the satanic panic conviction: american panic shanspeare 'doja cat and the return of the satanic panic'

#satanic panic #current events #misinformation #i dont want to tag this true crime but unfortunately it is #if i tag it with anything else its gonna get flagged so rip #michelle does txt

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lgbtmi · 9 months

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for both: 4, 10, 11, 19 :)

i'm assuming this is the meta oc questions post you're asking for! so here you go :> if you meant one of the other like two ask meme things i've reblogged yesterday, lmk, i'll edit!

4. Why did you give them the name they have? What is the in-universe reason for their name?

Willow got her name from a Taylor Swift-song, simply because her concept was sex worker in Amsterdam's red light district, and I thought it'd be so funny if her name was Willow because "Life was a willow and it bent right to your wind", and she's bendy in any direction her clientele wanted her. Her middle name was recently added, because I watched Barbie (2023) too often, and her last name is Turing, because sometimes you have to hide queer history in character names. In universe, her mom liked Willow as a name, and her middle name came from her grandmother. Clíodhna was named for the queen of the Banshees in Irish mythology. Her backstory and lore are heavily based in Shakespeare, Celtic mythology, and a little in Changeling the Dreaming, so when @kentuckycaverats suggested the name, I stuck with it. Clíodhna is plagued by the ghosts of her past, after all. Sure, they're not wraiths or bean sidhe, but they basically are just that to her. Additionally, her last name is Ó Neill, which is rooted in Celtic migration and history. What is a Scot if not just an Irish Dál Riata settler? And the Ui Neill clan was one of their allies, as well as one of the most prominent families back in those days. In universe, she was born as Kenna MacNeil to Irish immigrants. She was born in Scotland, but after her aging was stopped due to her Sire ghouling her, Kenna MacNeil has been declared dead. When her Sire moved her to Ireland to basically function as a spy, Irishifying her name to blend in better made sense... Besides, Kenna MacNeil had been dead for a long time. The court in Derry are Irish nationalists, her English or Scottish name would do worse in Ireland than Clíodhna would.

10. What is your favorite trait regarding your oc?

Willow is so fierce in how much she loves. She has a couple of people she'd quite literally do anything for, even if it puts herself in harm's way. My favourite Clíodhna-trait is something that happens when I play her. She has been raised in Scotland, but over the last century she's been forced into an RP English accent. As her emotional state changes, so does her accent. If she gets agitated, stressed, or scared, her accent will shift from RP English to her native accent. It's a lot of fun to flex my accent library on my friends /lh

11. What is your least favorite trait regarding your oc?

Willow's too nervous for her own good. Some shit has happened, and where she once was a stereotypical confident Toreador with the entire world at her disposal, she's now just chronically afraid of everything and losing touch with reality and she has no idea who she is anymore. It's a little bit stressful. She'll grow out of it <3 Clíodhna I haven't had the chance to play much, yet, but I have a sinking feeling I'm going to hate what she's like with her Sire. But hey, that's what being blood bound to a Ventrue will do to you, I suppose.

19. How might your oc react to finding out you are the one responsible for their life?

Willow would probably find it very weird to know that I'm literally chronically talking about her on the internet to the little gay people in my phone. But also, maybe she'd get some strength out of this? Who knows. She'd probably want nothing to do with me and hope that I never visit Amsterdam ever. Clíodhna? She sees ghosts all the time. If I tell her I'm responsible for her life, she'd probably consider me another one of the voices she hears sometimes that say things she doesn't quite understand. She might be a bit confused because I'm not her father, ex partner, or one of the two people she killed upon embrace, but it would be nothing out of her ordinary.

#looks at clíodhna's name answer...... sorry i am a nerd #harbingerofskulls #willowtalking #seanclídh

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sol-draws-sometimes · 4 months

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20-24 inclusive and 44

Oooo hello Anon, you're a nosy-nelly, but that's fine cause I love to talk! Tho strap in cause this is gonna be a long one! Questions can be found here!

20: What I hate most about myself

Oof starting off on a downer. I'd say it's my passiveness. Which some may say is weird cause a lot of people would describe me as passionate and on the outside I do appear very organized. But I just have so many things I want to do, that I just don't. Like, I want to learn to sew, compose music, archery, read books, play video games, watch certain shows or movies, etc, but I just... don't. Yah part of it is that there's so much I want to do it's hard to pick one. And yeah I have ADHD, aka the "I can't do shit disorder," where executive dysfunction is my worse symptom. But even if I didn't have ADHD, I still feel like I'd be like this. Also, it's not just hobbies. I had flying ants in my room, and I told my parents about it, but then I stopped pushing them about it and I just sucked it up for serval months. Or I end up going to Community College because I put off applications until the last second, and I am currently really behind on transferring applications for my BA. Or I'm not as informed politically as I'd like to be because it's stressful to me, but then I'm not acting according to my beliefs which is also stressful. That's not to say I have no initiative. I taught myself cursive and how to touch type in middle school. I started posting my art on the internet, all of my art has been self-taught. I took my mental health into my own hands and hyper-fixated on mental health for years so that I could be in a better place. It's not good to be dwelling on the parts you hate about yourself, but I do genuinely believe it's trait about myself that I want to work on.

21: What I love most about myself

Okay, something more positive! Uh, people tend to say I'm a very bright person, or that I make their day and I'm glad I make people feel comfortable around me!

22: What I want to be when I get older

Okay here's the problem, I want to do everything yet I don't know exactly what I want to be(I'm literally only 19), but I do know the average person has multiple jobs/careers in their lifetime(rn google is saying 12), so here are a couple I know I want to do!

Teacher: I've always wanted to be a teacher since I was a kid, and while many people assume I want to be a music teacher, I'd honestly love to do any subject. Preferably STEM or History, tho being a music teacher would genuinely be fun I'd love to conduct a choir. I think rn I'm more interested in learning about the world than learning about pedagogy, but definitely a job I plan to have at some point in the future

Museum worker: My twin asked me if I'd ever considered working at a museum last year, and I'd never had but honestly it sounds like a perfect job for me! I love history and science, I could still teach people, and I love going to museums. Also, the behind-the-scenes research or archiving sounds very up my alley!

Archivist: Kinda related to the previous one since you can be an archivist at a museum, but idk it sounds like the type of work that my brain would vibe with. Organizing and researching stuff. Also, it's pretty cool to be able to work with primary sources of stuff, like that's so cool! And I get to preserve information so that down the line people aren't crying about how little information there is about [insert topic]. (also haha yah, yah I like tma, hardy har, shhhh, that isn't even one of the reasons, just a coincidence)

Scientist: Pretty vague term cause idk in what field but I know I've always liked science! For a frame of reference, I would probably doing some stem major if I wasn't a musician. I had finished my science course my second year of high school, I didn't have any science classes for two years. Then at the end of senior year, I listened to Stella Firma and there in b/w sections where they had a scientist fact check the show was so interesting and made me remember I liked science and it's actually super cool! I'm hoping that next year once I transfer, I'll be able to take steps to at the very least minor in Physics and start doing some STEM stuff. Tho tbh I'm just choosing physics cause I'm good at math and astrophysics/cosmology sounds very cool to me. But finding @a-dinosaur-a-day on Tumblr made me remember my dino phase in middle school! I'm less interested in learning about individual dinosaurs and more on the big-picture evolutionary side of things, but the schools I want to transfer to don't have geology majors and I prefer physics over bio. Also, paleontology is a neat combination of history and science! Tbh, I'm still figuring out what I want to do science-wise, but I know it's something that I'd find interesting as a job!

Choir/Band/Singer/Theater: I'm a singer but I don't want it to be my main job, job, since I'm never wanted to be a super famous, but I do like singing and I'm good at it, so I could always make money on the side. Also I've also preferred singing in choir than solo rep, so if I joined a travling choir or band with an emphasis on harmony(like abba for ex), I think that would be really fun as a job for a while. As far as solo singing, I prefer musical theater so I can see myself doing that for a bit(even if it is ensemble since I like that kind of thing), and who knows, I am intrested in writing some solo music, but I haven't really done that

Composer: I want to learn how to compose music but I haven't. Oddly enough, I am more interested in composing instrumental stuff than songwriter music, tho I do want to do that. Or compose musicals, especially one in Spanish, that would be so cool. Tho I'd probably have to work with a lyricist. Even if it's not my main job, I'd love to do it on the side

Sound Design: Now this one you can blame on tma. I listened to the Q&As where they talk about Sound Design, it's absolutely fascinating to me, plus, if I learn how to compose, both could work pretty good together!

Art: Idk if I want to be an artist for a job, but once I'm good enough at drawing, I'd love to do commissions, or if I learn how to animate, working on an indie animation project would be such a cool thing! Or do a comic! I'd love to do a comic, doesn't even have to be my story! Years down the line, after graduating, I want to go back to school and get some degree in art! Doesn't need to be from an expensive school, probably will be from some local college near me at the time. Not that you need one to be a professional, but I find I learn best in a school setting and it's something I'd love to do to improve my art!

Can't believe Rusty Quill has inspired two possible job careers I-

23: My relationship with my sibling(s)

Oldest to youngest! My older brother didn't grow up with me but we visted his house alot! Tbh, I'm closer to my niece than I am him. He's got some beliefs/politics I don't agree with and he can be intense sometimes, but generally I have a good relationship with him. I don't talk to him much tho. And he's homophobic, so yah, don't plan to be too close to him anyway. Next should be my other brother but he died when I was 4, and he was in Cuba so I have no memories of him, so neutral I guess. Things were pretty rocky with my older sister growing up but we're pretty good now! She's like the one "adult figure"(I'm an adult but you know what I mean) in my life that I feel the most comfortable around. Then my twin is the person I'm the closest to. Yah we bicker and stuff, and we do things that the other doesn't like, but overall I'm the most comfortable around her. I also feel like she's the person who understands me the most, I genuinely don't know how I would've been in middle school if my twin didn't exist. Idk if anyone remembers the scene in the season 3 final of Bright Sessions, but you know when Mark goes to Adam's room and they sit and silence and Mark is like"I know we both know what we're feeling but we should still talk about what happened" I feel like that's kinda my twin and I. Anyways, I love my sisters very much!

24: My relationship with my parent(s)

Kinda rocky and I don't want to get into it too much but they're immigrant parents™. However, for literal boomers, they're actually pretty good. I'd say they're good parents but there's alot about them that frustrates me. Also living with them makes problems exacerbated. They're trying their best to understand me, but they don't and I don't feel comfortable talking to them about my problems with them. I'm also not out to them, so there's always a part of me they're not really seeing. But when it matters they're there. And they've been pretty supportive of me being in the arts. My dad was also pretty present in my life, which sucks that I have to specify, but I do.

44: A random fact about anything

There are two versions of the Latino dub of Sleeping Beauty and people fight about I think. I grew up with the 2001 ver but people prefer the original 1959 dubbing. My preliminary stance on this without having seen the full 1959 dub and only some clips is that the Queen's acting is better in 1959, but the songs are bettered dubbed in the 2001 version(suck it up nostalgia is winning)

Okay, that was a lot! BUT, there are more questions so ask away!

#sol talks #my post #it me!#sol asks

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washingtonlowercases · 5 months

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i have a lot of Thoughts about the chicago situation and im going to put them under the cut cause i know no one cares but i have no one to talk to so they're going here anyway

tw: sexual assault, r*pe, hazing ?

okay so like... what happened?? i watched that press conference (yay being unemployed, we love it here and we are NOT going insane) and i am now convinced that perry probably didnt have sex with bedards mom but actually did something really, really, very much so worse.

im not convinced nothing happened between perry and any bedard though. its such a specific rumor. and the gm and all these reporters being like iTS DISGUSTING TO EVEN SUGGEST- okay so where did it come from then?? can you show me the tweet from rangersfan420 who hates the hawks and started a rumor for fun?? can you find the source to PROVE its just a stupid internet lie?? i know its hard but if im chicago, im putting someone on it. if im a reporter (i know its a hard job, its a lot of work, etc but i have very little sympathy for most hockey reporters specifically because of, well- name any incident) im SCOURING the web for the source of that rumor to either ask how they know, or embed the link in my pay-wall blocked article for clicks!! you KNOW it would work, at least a few times. theyve had two days, has anyone even attempted this? (someone who's job it is, who's getting paid literally to either create news or to kill the rumor more effectively than whatever the hell the hawks are trying right now)

i might believe something sexual assult-y happened between perry and a player's family or player even except we KNOW for a FACT that the nhl and the hawks specifically do not care about that. they can "we're committed to change" all they want (clearly that's not working) but what motive would they have for kicking perry off the team? when has the NHL, or NHL fans (the loud, obnoxious majority, anyway) cared when a player has assaulted anyone?? we have seen sex crime after sex crime against women (and men!) committed by these players who are STILL PLAYING. no consequences enforced by their team, by the league, or by the media or fans (generally. there are good fans and there are some media outlets that care). so really, the hawks have no reason to kick perry off the team, or address the media, or make this into A Thing at all if that were the case. I know its hard to quash a rumor once it starts, but i honestly think if they had just been like "perry did *insert sex crime here* and thats bad, sooweee" people would be like BUT HES A GREAT PLAYER and people would be liek THAT SUCKS KICK HIM OFF THE TEAM and then in 30 hours there would be something new to yell about. (because being the moral police for this FUCKING LEAGUE is exhausting. where my red wings girlies who are dead inside at?? let me hear you scream into the void!)

so let's take a sexual encounter/assault off the table. what the hell was it?? probably not a racist thing. the chicago hockey team for sure doesn't care about that (See: their logo). its probably not a straight up and down illegal thing because the cops aren't involved as far as we know. (not that that really matters to this league either. remember the val nichushkin thing?? or the lucic thing?? {im assuming he'll be playing again soon} or like a million other things?? god this league is exhausting)

i saw someone say a hazing thing and that i might believe, esp bc of how their gm looked on the brink of tears. but then... say that?? or then why say no one else in the locker room knows about it?? are we keeping them in the dark or are we covering their asses legally??

this league is so fucked up, that there's honestly not much i can imagine that a hockey player could do that would warrant THIS from his team and the NHL.

(unless of course he's claimed off waivers or signed in like three months, then it's probably your garden variety assault/hazing/drunk/racist incident)

UGH i hate it here sometimes

#corey perry #chicago blackhawks #idk if anyone has any thoughts... i mean i dont expect anyone to read this but is anyone else kind of going insane??#like hockey was supposed to be my fun escape and then this happens over and over and over and over and over #really i make jokes #mostly on twitter #but about bedard's mom because... before that press conference it was funny!#and now i feel sick!!#i wish whoever was a victim of this incident #i assume there is at least one #is okay and not deeply re-truamatized by idiots like me speculating #and i wish bedard didnt go there because this sucks for him hes just a kid #i bet he could laugh off the jokes but if its something worse...#and i wish the chicago blackhawks orginzation a very fuck you die

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blueempty · 6 months

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Me and the Pita Man are on a first name basis now

My review of today is I'm sooooo sleepy. Before work I played all of the new FF16 songs in Theatrhythm and without context I was thoroughly whelmed. They are good, I do not feel strongly. But I was glad to be playing Theatrhythm again its been a minute

Then I went to the Pita Man's Pita Hut. That isnt what its called but I'm so sleepy. He got a new card reader which rules for him but I missed the tip screen cuz I'm used to him handing me a receipt to sign so I had to try to find paper money in my wallet to give him even though he said it was fine. I've been going there for a long time and he's never let me down, I love that guy. Then as I was leaving he asked my name and then I asked his and our names are like two letters off. It was a good start to the day

But then it got BA- no it was fine. I had to go into the cleanroom again and ran into some trouble which was rough cuz I'm still very tired and dizzy but it wasnt a big deal. I thought about how much time I spend in there doing the job that a machine could do in like a 100th of the time it takes me all because my boss is too cheap to pay for fast delivery, but I get to just listen to music the whole time so its not that bad. I'm gonna be in Pinegrove's top 3% of listeners on spotify this year

Then we had a situation in the Barony community discord where some guy joined and started spamming racist memes and zoophilia and gore and stuff, which I always forget people still do, and I hurt my own brain trying to understand the motivation. Theres a type of person who spends real effort and significant time in their day just making the world worse, and theyre proud of it and I just dont understand how a person becomes like that. Or even to a lesser extent theres another person in there who just jumps between chats acting disinterested in what people are saying and calling them stupid, and when I asked them what their deal was today they were like its funny to annoy people. I was like brother it isn't annoying its just confusing lol. Like you could be cranking your hog or learning to tie knots right now but you're in a server for a game I assume you dont play replying "ok" to everything we say. What is the motivation, what do they gain

I think its one of those things where the scariest answer is "nothing" but thats likely what we're looking at. I just wish there were a way to like appear beside them irl and be like what are you doing man, to remind them that other humans are physically real and that my big bag of rocks I brought with me is also real

I know you the reader understands this but like just try to make the world a better place because you were in it. Leave things better than you found them. Nihilism be damned, I'll tellin you that things do matter, and its important to care about stuff. Irony poisoning is a real disease affecting our youth

My night sky pics came out bad so here's Mocha reading the internet

Peace and Long Life

#skyposting #thoughtposting #night sky #cockatiel

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sapybara · 1 year

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Sorry if this is unrelated, but I was eatching George's pov yesterday and when at the very end he was talking about making allies with the spanish streamers, the chat exploded screaming "racist" and "neo nazi" when i believe Bayit? Biyit? Starting talking to George. Do you know what all of that was about, cuz I'm confused as hell, like chat said that in english and spanish so I only assumed that they are widely known in some way?

Oh that's long to explain. But if you've been around here for long enough you probably saw my posts about how the english community would blacklist auron in a heartbeat for all the shit he did when he was a YouTuber. Now when I made those post I was talking about the "pranks" (they were just crueal) he did and the type of humor he had in his videos but it was so much worse than that.

Long story short, Biyin (aurons gf) and Auron (+ a few more that aren't in the pic now) were self proclaimed nazis during 2013ish. They would talk about how disgusting ppl from latam are, make fun of our variations of Spanish, terrorize people on the internet (one of the worse things was harassing a mother who was looking for his missing son telling him that he was dead and was probably raped multiple times and calling her to give her false info and tell her horrible things about her son) and a million things more. They excused themselves saying that it was "black humor". Now the thing is that the latest tweet of them calling themselves nazis are from 2017, where auron post a pic with biyin saying that "twt favorite nazis couple is back" <- tweets now deleted of course.

I honestly not sure if they apologized, I know Biyin did a stream washing her hands and saying it was not her (it was) and that the whole mother thing was false and just a random trying to take her down; but idk what Auron said.

So there's that. People who defend them say that it was 10 years ago and people change, I don't think I heard Auron saying anything bad lately (last two years maybe?) But I don't actively watch him and i know less about Biyin. Take that as you want.

#i personally dont feel comfortable watching them. i never liked biyin in the first place and i didnt know the nazi stuff bc i was like.#ten years old when it happened and i didnt had a twitter lol #but yknow this is not a 'they were teenagers they didnt know what they were saying' case. Biyin was 23 and Auron 24 #grown ass adults #so idk.#tw nazi mention #tea.talk

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thschei · 4 months

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Okay well um . I started writing this post and it started to get too long and go off topic so I'm going to put the more relevant info in this post and then finish typing the other post tomorrow probably and you can read that for more hashtag erin lore

Tw for discussion of animal death/illness, cancer, and (unintentional) disordered eating; no one is obligated to read this. It'll also probably get pretty long. Again, don't feel like you need to read this if these are upsetting topics for you

Uhhh how do I start this . Um, it's been a bad week. I don't think I've had a worse new years; even when my dad died it had been earlier in the year so we were more numb to the fact he wasn't there.

For the first few days I couldn't eat anything more than toast or crackers and I'd start crying when I tried to eat. I don't really know what the physiological connection is there, but I have to assume there is one. I was having to take my PRN anxiety meds multiple times a day because I was getting so upset I'd get nauseous and feel like I couldn't breathe.

I'm doing better now; today's the first day I felt like I wanted to eat willingly and not out of obligation, I haven't cried yet, and I haven't needed my anxiety meds.

But the day after my cat died, we found a tumor on my dog's stomach. It sounds like I'm making this up for attention on the internet, but it wasn't there before this day. Cosmic irony, god's ire, greek tragedy, etc etc.

My dog is 15, so all of us are against any surgery or chemotherapy, even if we could afford it. My mom works in hospice, so just take my word for it when I say all of us know how much pain and suffering and loss of quality of life that (invasive) surgery and chemotherapy causes for people.

So we just spent the day trying to keep her as comfortable as possible. We rearranged pillows and blankets, helped her move, tried offering her Literally every piece of food that was safe for dogs that we have (cat food, dog food, chicken, roast beef, turkey, ham, cheese, etc), sat down towels when she refused to go potty outside.

I made the decision to not talk about this on here for several reasons. I didn't want to contribute to people feeling sad or guilty over NYE, when there's already so many sources of despair and disillusionment in the world. I didn't want to receive pity; something I've hated feeling since my dad died when I was little. I didn't want empty platitudes of toxic positivity insisting that things would turn around and good things will start happening to me, and I didn't want to be the asshole who wasn't grateful for those empty platitudes. Most of all, I didn't want people to change how they treat/interact with me because they knew. I didn't want to be treated like I'm fragile or need special treatment. (If it needs saying, I still don't want to be treated like that.) I wanted to cry in my bedroom, and then reblog silly posts like nothing was wrong.

It's been a few days since the 30th, obviously. She's having less trouble walking, wags her tail when she sees us again, after a few (absolutely heartbreaking) days of not moving her tail at all. Her appetite is slowly coming back, she ate a little tuna and cat food.

But... the tumor has grown already, in just these few days, and she keeps licking at it, so it's sore and raw. My mom and brother don't want to put her to sleep because she's been improving. I obviously do not want to lose her; she's my baby and my sister and my mother all in one. She was the first pet we got that I picked out. When I leave the bathroom door open, she sits with her back facing the bathroom, guarding me.

But I don't want her to suffer. I don't want this to get worse. I want her to be able to go out with dignity and some quality of life. I don't want her to not have any quality of life left by the time we decide to stop being selfish and let her go.

Two of my friends sent me some money to help cover the cost of putting her to sleep. It was very very kind, and I can't put into words how much I'm grateful for my friends for every act of kindness and love they do for me.

I don't really know how to end this, because I still don't know what we're going to do. I know what I want to do, but it's not solely my decision and I want to respect my mom and brother's feelings. I just know that holding all this in and not talking about it was starting to be... Not Good, as much as I did want to just Be Another Random Guy on tumblr, being annoying about my hyperfixations.

If you've read any or all of this, thank you. Please don't treat me differently because of any of this, and let me post my silly little things like nothing's wrong. That's what's helped me keep it together.

Oh, and it's my birthday on the 10th. I don't want to get into it now (my birthday woes can be its own separate erin lore post too), but every year something bad happens around my birthday, so this is this year's Incident. The only socially acceptable thing I can think to say is a sarcastic yayyyyy consistency <3333.

#erin talks #text #ya go almost 4 yrs on a blog being detached and distant #& then suddenly ya have to have emotions in front of people 🙄 (<- this is a joke)

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jessielefey · 2 years

Text

I know I sound like bad fanfic, and I hate it. It's why I don't talk anymore, it's weird and nobody gets it. It's repetitive but always the first time. I hit the same marks again and again, like I never thought of it before. A sisyphean epiphany.

I don't know how many of these I just threw in drafts instead, to avoid redundancy.

There's a traitor in my head.

When the internet was smaller, I ended up in a whole community of People That Sounded Like Me, and it was nice to know it wasn't just me? But now it just feels tropey. It feels even more artificial, somehow, even though it's just literally how I think.

Even in my own head I snarl at at my own pretentiousness, like who are you showing off for? There's nobody here but me, and I'm not impressed anymore.

But on the other hand, like, it sounds metaphorical but it's not? It's all very literal descriptions of my experiences. The tinted blue-black velvet, the old phonograph that plays the music I dance to, the glass between my bleeding toes, the world inside my head and a whole universe away from my body.

But that's stupid too what the fuck.

I had a panic attack walking around the yard today. I don't know what year it is, I don't understand time. I can't remember shit when I want to, but when I do remember... it's not. It's just Then. Everything is cluttered up with Thens, there's no room for Now anymore, there's been no Now for ten years... just a nightmare I can't wake up from... and Then. Everything either doesn't exist, is an impartial text recap, or is a goddamned flashback, good and bad.

Over there on the lawn is where Poohbear told me he liked boys for the first time, while we sat out all night looking at the stars because that was better than either of our homes, and I don't remember shit we're just... still there, and I'm eighteen forever thinking about sex and love and gender and so confused but going to get out of this shithole if it kills me, and I want to hug that poor little thing that only talks in third person and has to be physically restrained from jumping off bridges during spring breakup, and she'd hate me so much.

I see three teenagers in front of me, none of whom exist in Now, two long gone and one not here yet and I want to shake all of them. Run, fucking run, don't come back, don't let them steal your friends from you, don't let them break you, I love you, you're so much better than you think just hold on. And I already failed all three of them, somehow. Because I words words words in my head but anytime I just to say something to an actual person I just screw it up and make everything worse. They need me to say something, but I don't know what.

What's the point in time travel if I can't change anything? What's the point in prophesy if it's set? Why can't I fix anything? Why am I still here, an invisible shriek in a blizzard? Why can't I ever move?

How many times have I said this? I'm so bored.

How many times has someone tried to kill you, I want to scream at my father. You talk to much about your morals and how to live with yourself, but you assume you will have the power. You don't think about having to live with yourself while you stand there and just let them hurt you. You don't think about knowing in your soul you're going to die, and you didn't even try to stop them. Knowing for a fact someone is going to get hurt, and you did nothing. You just stood there and watched.

To dream of heroes and just. watch.

I never do. I just dream it so hard I can taste it.

Over there, at the bottom of the stairs, is where Poohbear shoved Him against the wall with a hand around His throat hissing "If I ever see you touch her after she says no again..." Two concessions up is a house where I watched his dad shove him up against a wall, right in front of me and <blank> "respect" "queer" and he won't meet my eyes, or I won't meet his, because I'm just trying to blend into the shadows and I hate myself so much. Down the road is a house where I curled up in a ball blankfaced and silently sobbing, because my best friend is getting screamed at by her dad and <blank> and I want to go home but I can't it's too far and I'm too sick and dad would be livid if I woke them up this late; I am also two years older and backed against the kitchen counter by my drunk boss and I say no, and I try to dodge, and he touches me and <blank> and I know I'm going to be fired for whatever I just said (and I am) and I should've broken his hand but I didn't I just let him touch me and this time I do walk home even though there's nothing after I pass the mailbox it just ends in more blanks, and every time I go into town I'm still there as I drive past, some kind of broken empty-eyed walk of shame, every single time. Everytime I walk down the stairs, so much bullshit cluttering up such small stairs, I can barely step around it. Everytime I sit at the computer talking to a textbox instead of people, and I'm ten and fifteen and twenty and twenty five and thirty two sitting at the same desk doing the same thing, and it all overlaps and runs together like two channels' broadcasts mixing being poorly recorded over an old reused vhs tape.

Nothing's real. I'm not real. I hate it here so much.

Ghosts exist, and they're all me. Maybe I was the ghost haunting this house the whole time.

I want to be anyone else, I am so many people none of them good, I am so alone, I want to scream.

My mom gives me the scared eyes, when I get like this. The ones that whispered about her schizophrenic aunt to a small child just old enough to understand they're supposed to be too old for imaginary friends, too old to be afraid of monsters under the bed that nobody else can see. The ones that get so angry when I dare to identify with Harley Quinn because "she's bad and crazy and you're neither" and "you're making the girls think it's okay to be crazy". The ones that thinks if she can just plug her ears hard enough, I'll stop playing these silly games and make good choices even if she has to make me by force.

Over there is where dad said I wouldn't last a month at college and it was probably a waste of money trying, but he's willing to indulge to allow me to fail on my own don't say he didn't warn me (I lasted a year and a half). It's also where he for the third time told me he thought I was making myself sick on purpose, and I walked upstairs and told mom if he ever dared question a diagnosis I could prove with xrays again that I'd punch him.

But I didn't.

I'm always all talk. I'm a story that only exists in my head, not a person. People *do things*.

It's not that she's wrong to be scared, I know. I don't have any friends to pull me off ledges anymore. I am prone to catastrophic dramatics in the name of something that feels like Arte. Something that actually Feels. I just want to breathe fire, I just want to exist without hurting. I will do really stupid things to have five minutes Now and Inside My Skin and Seen where I don't feel like a sludge monster of screams under pressure until it liquifies loosely bagged in a vaguely human sharp. Any scrap of agency I get gets burned on a pyre of terrible decisions, so it's probably correct that I be given so little.

I don't know who to be anymore. I don't want to be anyone anymore. I'm so tired of trying and failing and failing to try. I don't want to be alone. Other people burn like the sun on my skin.

I just want to not be too much for someone, just once. I'm too much for me, what right do I even have?

Everything I say is wrong, everything I like is stupid, everything I do gets me in trouble.

I used to watch better, I used to be able to listen. I've crawled inside my own navel to suck my own cock.

I don't even know what I think I'm getting out of this, all it does is worry people, and I'm not worth it. All I do is hurt people, and it's not even on purpose, I just exist like a radioactive meteor.

I dream, I dream, I dream, I'm nothing but dreams, and it's the one thing I swore I wouldn't do, just fucking dream instead of live. I don't know how to be forty. I wasn't supposed to live this long. There's no room left to move.

It's not that it was better then, it's that I used to have hope. And spite.

I always knew I'd be this. I hoped I'd die before I became this. Over there I can see a small child see me and I am the small child full of contempt looking at the future and lying that we can be better.

I'm so alone and it's my fault but it's not my fault but I let them.

God I'm too old to be this fucking emo.

#fking all the trigger warnings #what the fuck do I even want from this?#i hate this house i hate this house i hate this house i hate

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prismatic-bell · 3 years

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So the other day I said a thing about how I felt like a line could be drawn between antis, and the rise of 24-hour news networks. I’ve given that thought some time to bubble to see what, exactly, my brain meant by that statement, and here’s what I’ve got:

When I was a kid (back in Ye Olde 1990s), we had three major news stations in my town: Channel 12, Channel 24, and Channel 35. These corresponded to NBC, ABC, and CBS, but I don’t remember which one was which so don’t ask me. Anyway--you had a half hour of news at 8 or 9 am (depending on which station you watched), an hourlong program at noon in which half the program was stuff like “here are today’s beach closures and some recipes and also if you’re looking for stuff to do with the kids this weekend here are local promotions,” and half an hour at either 5, 5:30, or 6 (again, depending on which channel you watched). One of the three stations also did a half-hour capper at 10pm. So unless you were watching all three stations, and picking the news every single time, the max amount of news you were going to get was like an hour and a half. If you wanted more news than that, you read the newspaper. When my mom was a kid (back in Ye Olde 1960s), this would have seemed like an inordinate amount of news--for her, it was half an hour at 6pm and ten minutes at 10pm and then the station (there was only one station that did the news) played the National Anthem and went off the air until 6am, at which time you might get like . . . the weather and a traffic report.

For anything else, you read the newspaper.

Now with only half an hour to present a whole lot of news, what are you going to do? You are going to stick to the facts. You don’t have a choice. You have a very short time to fit a whole lot of information. “Notre Dame cathedral caught on fire today. French firefighters are working to get the flames under control, and authorities in charge of the cathedral are doing their best to remove relics, paintings, and other holy objects while it’s still possible. French President Mr. Somebody addressed the nation and stated every attempt to save the building, and to rebuild the damage, will be made. In local news . . . “ And that’s it! If you want more information, you’ve got to wait for the newspaper in the morning, and you’re going to have to get a copy of the New York Times or USA Today, because the local paper will only have a blurb, and that blurb will mostly cover what you just heard!

But then the news changed.

By the time I was a teenager, the non-cable news looked like this: All three channels had a morning show that started at 5 or 6 am (depending on your station) and ran until 8 or 9 (depending on your station). The station that ended at 8am then had a half-hour morning news show. The mid-day news at 11 or 12 was still an hour. Channel 35 did a half-hour news segment at 5 and another at 5:30, back to back. The other two stations simply did an hourlong segment. And then one station did half an hour at 10:30, and the other two did hourlong segments at 10pm.

What do you do with that much time? Well, you expand. Yes, you can fit more news, but you can also fit more about the news. “Notre Dame cathedral in Paris went up in flames today. The fire began in the famous historic bell tower, and spread to the roof. At this time, portions of the roof appear to have caved in, and there are concerns about the integrity of the medieval stonework in the cathedral walls. French firefighters have been working since 8am Paris time to get the flames under control, and authorities in charge of the cathedral are doing their best to remove relics, paintings, and other holy objects while it’s still possible. Some firefighters are also helping with this project, as portions of the building have become too unsafe to enter. French President Mr. Somebody addressed the nation late this evening and stated every attempt to save the building, and to rebuild the damage, will be made. Of the cathedral itself, Somebody said, ‘Our Lady has weathered worse troubles than this. Paris as a city, and France as a nation, will overcome.’ In local news . . . ”

Still facts, but a few more facts. At this point the internet as a public thing is just past its infancy, and in theory you could go look up some stuff on, like, AOL, maybe, about what was happening.

(Nina, you were talking about antis . . . ?)

(Yes, I was. Bear with me.)

But at this point you also saw the rise of Fox News and CNN.

Now up to this point, I could trust the news. That is important to know. “Nina, American news is full of propaganda--” Listen, you’re not wrong, but the point is, if Scott Brennan told me Notre Dame cathedral was on fire and priests were trying to remove the holy relics, I could safely assume Notre Dame cathedral was on fire and priests were trying to remove the holy relics. If Channel 24 told me “the blizzard of the century” had occurred the night before, I could look out the window of my snowed-in house and go “yeah, that seems legit.”

I grew up, in other words, in a world in which facts were facts. We didn’t waffle or wring our hands over whether or not Notre Dame was on fire. And this allowed me to take a similar approach to fiction: it is a fact that murder is wrong, and knowing this, I can read a book in which someone commits murder for very good reasons, but still know they did something wrong.

But now you have 24 hours of news to fill.

No matter how you pad it, no matter how many voice clips you play or retrospectives you do, you cannot find enough news in the world to fill 24 hours, seven days a week, 365 days a year. You just can’t.

So they started adding “opinion pieces.”

Notre Dame is on fire--is it worth saving? Notre Dame is on fire--but is it as big a catastrophe as it’s made out to be? Notre Dame is on fire--but France has been steadily calling themselves a secular nation, so is this the punishment of G-d? Notre Dame is on fire--

--wait, what was that?

Yep. You saw it, I saw it, we all saw it. But as the “opinion pieces” slowly took over the regular news and stopped being called “opinion pieces” and started being called “programs,” it became less and less clear what was and wasn’t fact.

Now obviously Notre Dame is on fire. But now we have to ask ourselves: is it worth it to save it or not? Is the financial cost outweighed by the history? Will those answers change depending on how bad the damage becomes? And you, lonely elderly person in your chair whose predominant socialization these days is at church, how does this make you feel about French people? These are questions that once would have been asked of the church caretakers and the French government. Now every single person is being asked to think about them, without being provided all of the context that is available to the church caretakers and the French government. And along the way, you get these nice, nasty little bits of prejudice and slanted thinking and bias sneaked in.

I told you I’d come back to antis. And here we are.

The vast majority of antis are very young. They grew up in a world where those “programs” were the norm. They were not provided with a cultural basis of “these are the facts.” They were provided a basis of “here is what I think about the facts.” They were provided a basis of, as Mr. Banks said in Mary Poppins, “kindly do not cloud the matter with facts.”

There are no facts! Who fucking cares! An anti who’s 15 years old today was eleven years old when we were introduced to “alternative facts”! Is it wrong for a 27-year-old man to pursue a relationship with a 13-year-old girl? Depends on which news channel, and which presenter, you ask!

They literally grew up in a world in which critical thinking was discouraged. Once upon a time, you would have seen on TV that Notre Dame was on fire, and at dinner--or whatever your family did for together time--you might say things like “going to be expensive to fix that, I wonder what they’ll do,” but you wouldn’t have been hit with six presenters telling you exactly why Notre Dame should/shouldn’t be rebuilt. And don’t forget--even if you, personally, do not watch the news (or read it on the internet, which is just as bad, because everybody’s after those elusive advertising clicks, everybody needs the “scoop” two seconds before it happens), you know people who do. You hear their opinions and their hot takes and their retellings all around you. And those opinions and hot takes and retellings will be colored by which “program” that person saw first.

Watch the first thirty seconds of this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dn2RjahTi3M

Walter Cronkite, a legendary news anchor, giving his opinion on Vietnam. You will notice that he states, very clearly: “it seems very clear to this reporter.” This is Cronkite’s opinion, nothing more, and he makes it clear that he is speaking only for himself.

Now skip to approximately 1:05, and watch him report the Kennedy assassination. You can see he’s emotional, but also keeping it under wraps as best he can because he has An Important Job To Do, and that job is twofold: to deliver the news accurately and concisely, and to keep the American public calm (you can see this when he hurriedly says Johnson is probably taking the oath to become President; a missing VP would be a crisis at this moment). This is a man who’s just found out the most beloved president in modern times is dead. And not just dead--murdered. It’s not like Kennedy had a heart attack, his damn head was blown off. This news is still coming in so quickly that you can see him glancing off the screen to get fresh reports. He’s one of the first to receive this absolute blow--and he’s still holding it together, barely wavering. (When I was a kid, this role would go to Dan Rather. He was no Cronkite, but he tried.)

Where is that kind of rock for today’s teens? Imagine--heaven forbid, in the state our country’s in right now--that tomorrow we get the news Biden was shot.

How would we get that message?

Would it be delivered by an even-keeled, just-the-facts reporter like Cronkite? Or would we get it from a bunch of half-hysterical articles and crisismongering “programs”? And would it be delivered to us straight, like Cronkite did, or would it be buried in three days’ worth of opinions on his “legacy” and policies and What This Means For America?

Now: how are you supposed to build any kind of strong convictions and moral compass on a world like that? Where anything can be true if enough people have an “opinion” on it? Where the facts get immediately buried in a wave of bullshit?

Antis are reacting to a world of “opinions” and “programs” being thrown at them 24/7 by trying to create a world they can control, where there are in fact things that are true, in a world that has actively refused them the opportunity to learn how to parse and process facts. And so what they’ve come up with is this grossly distorted version of facts, because gross distortions of facts are all they know. It’s all they’ve ever seen. They’re perpetuating a system they don’t even realize they’re part of, because they never experienced life before it existed.

They’re not lying when they say they were heavily influenced by fiction because the bounds between fact and fiction have been actively erased. On purpose. And it’s difficult to grok that, if you grew up in a world where you didn’t have to go seek out photographic evidence to be absolutely certain that Notre Dame was, indeed, on fire.

So what we need to be doing, first and foremost, is rebuilding that wall of facts, that line of truth. Otherwise, what we’re going to see is more of this, but getting worse daily.

We set them up for this, and now we’re paying the price for it.

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babyboibucky · 3 years

Text

The Match - Part 9

Pairing: CEO!Bucky x Fem!Reader

Summary: Bucky brings you and Mackenzie with him to an important meeting.

Word Count: 3.3k

Warnings: Uhhhh hmm work tension, sexual tension, idk Bucky and Mackenzie being annoying as usual lmao

A/N: ALSO I know I haven’t mentioned what the fuck Bucky’s company is all about because c’mon, I didn’t expect I’d get this far lmao so IDK there might be continuity issues or inaccuracies or whatevah, just ignore it lmao it’s fiction. ANYWAAAY, I just want to say how GRATEFUL AND OVERWHELMED I am with the amount of attention that this series is getting. I appreciate every feedback, every ask and every freaking debate about this shit lmfao. I love you guys. I can’t put into words how much I appreciate you all askcnasjkcnak bye

The Match Masterlist || MAIN MASTERLIST

Don't let Bucky or Mackenzie get to you.

Mark's advice rang in your ears like a chant as you watched Bucky and Mackenzie's exchange about the project. Joining them in the conference room for a major brainstorming session was you and a couple of people from your team with Beverly taking down the minutes of the meeting.

The upcoming project was a huge one, given that Barnes Group of Companies was a huge name in the automobile industry. Meanwhile, Wilson Enterprises is one of the biggest autonomous vehicle technology companies out there. This partnership was one for the books, possibly an industry changer too.

You wanted to be a part of it, wanted to spearhead the entire thing and watching Mackenzie take the reigns on this one was truly making your blood boil.

"That sounds like a nice idea, Kenzie." Bucky praised, nodding his head.

Mackenzie shrugged, "It's what I do, Buck." she said.

"Yeah, it's a great idea. I do have some comments though, if you don't mind?" you asked.

Bucky and Mackenzie exchanged glances before turning to you. You glanced at Bucky for a quick second before ignoring the way he was eyeing you with genuine interest.

"I know that bringing in a celebrity to endorse this brand new model would definitely create noise around the partnership. Although I think that would take the spotlight away from the actual product we're creating here. We want customers to focus on the brand new car model and the technology that Wilson Enterprises will be providing it with, not on the celebrity endorser." you explained.

Mackenzie hummed, "I get where you are coming from. That's a good point, actually. But a celebrity endorser will pretty much do everything for the brand. Have him up on billboards and different advertisements and you're all set." she further explained.

You chuckled, "But then how will people understand what the entire partnership is all about? Aren't we supposed to be communicating a certain message to our consumers? Wouldn't it be better to hold an event to launch the product instead? Invite the press and key opinion leaders to spread the word. Have Bucky and Mister Wilson talk about this partnership. They're famous and powerful enough to get the message across. Why waste the budget on a celebrity when we literally have everything we need to make noise?" you shrugged.

The entire room was silent after your feedback, even Mackenzie wasn't able to respond to your suggestion. Glancing over at Bucky, you saw that he was giving you the look-- the one with half-lidded eyes matched with a head tilt, the one that often resulted to him giving you a very nice reward once office hours are over.

Feeling your breath hitch in your throat, you quickly looked away and shrugged your shoulders, "I mean, that's just my two cents. Having worked here for years, I just based it on my experience. You're the expert here, Mackenzie." you offered a proud smile.

Mackenzie tried to brush it off and turned to Bucky, "What do you think, Buck? I'm still into the idea of hiring a celebrity. That's good publicity. And let's not get worried about the budget now," she said, placing a hand on top of Bucky's that was resting on the table, "I have a lot of connections so I can definitely get an endorser for a much lower rate." she reassured.

"We may have a huge budget for this, but that doesn't automatically mean that we have to use it all up. We can allocate it somewhere else, maybe start a CSR campaign as well? We are, after all, coming out with an environmental-friendly model." you suggested.

You heard Bucky when he took a sharp inhale, bringing his hands up to rub his lips as if in deep thought. He then turned to Beverly, however, his eyes remained on you.

"Take note of everything she says." he reminded her before standing up.

He asked everyone else in the room of their opinions, whether it was your or Mackenzie's idea that the company will go for. The team was divided in half, some of them preferring Mackenzie's celebrity pitch probably because they didn't want to do a lot of work.

Bucky nodded, "Well, I guess we'll have to discuss both ideas with my partner Sam and let's see where we will go from there. I have a meeting with him this afternoon, I need you and Kenzie with me there." he said, looking at your before turning to Kenzie with a charming smile.

Don't let them get to you.

You've never wanted for the ground to swallow you up until this moment as you stood behind Bucky and Mackenzie in the elevator. This felt so much more uncomfortable than when you shared it with Bucky after swiping right with him on Tinder. There was still tension and it felt so much worse now because you didn't know whether it was between you and Bucky or him and Mackenzie.

Fucking Mackenzie and her nicely manicured nails which always seemed find its way around Bucky's arm. You eyed her hands as they squeezed his arm, the both of them talking in hushed voices as if you weren't standing behind them.

"I've been dying to try this restaurant, I heard they serve good food. Do you want to go have dinner there sometime this week?" she asked Bucky.

"I'll check my schedule, which restaurant is this?" he asked.

When Mackenzie uttered the name of that restaurant where you celebrated your promotion, you and Bucky choked on your own spits at the same time. Warmth crept up to your cheeks at the same time Bucky's ears reddened.

"Oh, what's going on?" Mackenzie asked with a nervous chuckle as she looked at you and Bucky, struggling with your coughs.

You recovered first and shook your head, "Sorry, I get allergies. Anyway, I've been to that restaurant. They do serve good food, the staff was very hospitable as well. I'm sure Bucky would enjoy it there." you said with a smile, pushing your way past them when the elevators door slid open.

Mackenzie asking Bucky whether he was up for dinner was the last thing you heard. Good luck explaining to her why he's banned from there, you thought to yourself.

Bucky led the way to his car and it instantly brought certain memories back. You weren't going to lie, you missed the fucking and how Bucky always made sure to take care of your needs. Seeing his car was enough to make your thighs clench at the memory of him fingering you as he drove.

His gaze was on you when he opened the door to the passenger's seat, his eyes inviting as you approached him. And just as when you were about to slip in, he turned over to Mackenzie and gestured for her to get in.

What a fucking asshole, you thought to yourself as you took a step back to ride in the back instead. You tried to keep your expression stoic when you saw that Bucky checked for a reaction. He seemed perplexed when he saw that you didn't react that much to what he did.

One hundred points to Gryffindor.

The location for the meeting was at a nearby restaurant so you didn't suffer that much during the entire ride. Mackenzie was busy with her phone anyway, typing out messages with those manicured fingers you were beginning to hate.

By the time all three of you arrived, Sam was already there. He donned a navy blue suit and he was rocking it. You'd seen his photos on the internet and knew that he was good-looking, but seeing him in the flesh, you were stunned at how gorgeous he was. Sam stood up when he saw Bucky, offering a kind smile to you and Mackenzie.

You weren't sure whether you were just being assuming or what, but you noticed how his eyes lingered on you longer that it did with Mackenzie.

"Sam." Bucky greeted, shaking his hand before introducing you and Mackenzie.

Sam shook Mackenzie's hand first before he turned to you. You took his hand and introduced yourself, "Mister Wilson." you said.

"Please, just Sam." he told you as he gently squeezed your hand before letting go.

"Have a seat." Sam said to Bucky and Mackenzie before pulling out the chair next to him, motioning for you to sit down.

You thanked him and sat down; straightening up, you were met with Bucky's watchful gaze as he sat down across you. Your attention was taken away when Sam asked what you wanted to order, he even suggested a certain dish and immediately went to discuss that it was his favorite thing to order.

This was going to be an interesting meeting.

And interesting it truly was, because you didn't expect for Sam to be so laid-back and easy to communicate with. He wasn't one of those uptight CEOs who were very intimidating to work with. Simply put, he was the complete opposite of Bucky. While Bucky was ice cold, Sam was sunshine and warmth with his attitude.

When it came down to pitching your and Mackenzie's ideas to him, you suddenly got nervous. Sam wasn't born with a silver spoon in his mouth; from what you've read, he started off working regular jobs before he climbed his way to the top. He was a self-made man and he had extensive knowledge in the marketing industry, having a doctorate degree in the said area.

Mackenzie was the first to discuss her strategy about hiring a celebrity endorser. She said it was fast and straight to the point. When it was your turn, you started off a bit shaky but eventually found your pacing.

"We wanted to ask you how this should go on about. I know that the offer for a partnership came from our end and that we're supposed to pitch the details for it. But we wanted you to be involved in this as much as we are." Bucky further explained.

Sam nodded and let out an amused chuckle, "I really appreciate this, Buck. I was going to ask you if I can contribute with the planning as well. I'm very particular when it comes to marketing our products." he said.

"That being said, I loved both ideas. I think hiring a celebrity endorser is good." he said, making Mackenzie smile proudly.

"But I would rather hold an event to launch the product. You understand the product and what we want to do with it. It's not just a brand new car, it's an innovation and the messaging is very important. I'm very impressed." Sam said, his attention geared towards you.

"Wow, I'm honored." you laughed. "Coming from you, I mean I've read about the marketing studies you did. Pretty big deal to receive a compliment from you." you admitted.

It was meant to be a genuine reaction, really. You had no ill intentions for it, you didn't do it to make Bucky jealous or get the upper hand. However, your passion for your career and area of expertise seemed to favor you. It had Bucky on edge, seeing you and Sam get along so well.

You didn't even need to check for Bucky's reaction because he simply cleared his throat and excused himself to go to the restroom. Mackenzie seemed unbothered though, when Sam favored your pitch over hers. You couldn't read her, sometimes she'd come off competitive but right now, she was unaffected.

When Bucky got back, he was quick to finalize the meeting, "I guess it's a done deal then. We'll work on the details of the launch and maybe we can set another meeting for the major presentation for your approval?" he asked Sam.

"That sounds like a plan. I'm looking forward to working with you." Sam told everyone, although he did seem to be directly addressing you.

"Alright, I'm leaving too." Mackenzie announced after Sam left the restaurant.

"Oh, you're not heading back to the office with us?" Bucky asked.

Mackenzie shook her head, throwing her bag over her shoulder, "I have another meeting. You know how it is with freelance work." she said as all three of you stood up to head outside of the restaurant.

"My Uber's here, I guess I'll see you both sometime this week." she said and waved at you before turning to Bucky and pressing a kiss on his cheek.

"I'm counting on that dinner, okay?" she reminded before slipping into her Uber, leaving you and Bucky to head back to the office together.

Alone with Bucky. In his car. The exact same car where plenty of fucking happened. Again, you chanted Mark’s advice in your head over and over again.

Don’t let Bucky get to you. And most of all, don’t cave in.

You quickly slipped inside the front seat of Bucky’s car before he could even open it up for you. The air was thick between you and Bucky and it almost felt like it was suffocating you. Reaching for the seatbelt, you tugged at it but it wouldn’t budge. Cursing to yourself, you tried again but to no avail.

“What’s wrong?” Bucky asked.

“Nothing. Seatbelt’s just stuck.” you grunted, using both your hands to pull down at it.

“Here, let me.”

Suddenly, Bucky reached over to your seatbelt and tried to fix it. His face was inches away from yours and you literally felt your insides jump at how you were immediately drowned in his perfume. If you moved forward so much as half an inch, your lips would already be pressing against the corner of Bucky’s mouth. And that thought was sending your senses into overdrive.

Do not. Cave. In.

The loud click of the seatbelt made you relax and thank goodness that Bucky was quick to move away from you, fixing his suit before starting the engine. The office may just be nearby but the fact that you and Bucky were together was making it feel like it was going to be an hour-long drive.

“So what do you think about Sam?” Bucky asked out of the blue.

He was gauging you, trying to get a reaction from you. Maybe he was expecting you to be flirty with your response, or be defensive even? You weren’t going to give him that.

“I think he’s great. Like I said, I’ve read his marketing studies and they were very insightful. I learned a lot.”

Plain, simple and safe. There was no hidden meanings and no malice; you were doing great at this whole not letting Bucky get to you thing. You made a mental note to thank Mark for his advice.

“He seems interested in you.” Bucky said again, shrugging his shoulders a bit and trying to be as nonchalant as he could.

“Well we are in the same field of expertise and I was very straightforward about admiring his skills. I’d be disappointed if he brushed off my ideas.” you slightly chuckled.

“I liked Mackenzie’s idea better, honestly.” Bucky blurted out.

By this time, you had Bucky’s plans figured out. He was coming for your job, using it as a bait to get a reaction out from you. He knew how much your career meant for you, how competitive you were in your field. Whenever his other tactics wouldn’t work, he’d always go for the career aspect.

“It was good.” you agreed, turning to Bucky with a small smile. “I think we can do that for other campaigns. Just not with this partnership. I like her.” you said.

“You do?” Bucky asked in surprise before he cleared his throat upon realizing that he sort of broke his facade.

You shrugged, “She��s a headstrong woman. She reminds me of myself actually.”

If you were alone, you would have given yourself a high-five because that statement truly made Bucky think. His forehead creased as he drove, his hand rubbing his chin and his jaw clenching as if he was in deep thought.

It was silent inside the car for a brief moment, before it was interrupted by the trilling of Bucky’s phone. He fished it out of his pocket but before he could even answer it, it slipped out of his hand and disappeared beneath his seat.

“Fuck.” Bucky cursed, both his hands on the steering wheel as he continued to drive, his attention divided between driving and searching for his ringing phone.

“Shit.” he hissed again, not knowing how to get his phone while driving. He quickly glanced at you before focusing on the road again. “Baby, can you get it for me?”

You almost missed the term of endearment. Almost. It was obviously a slip of the tongue because he genuinely didn’t seem to realize that he called you that. Bucky was more focused on the road rather than processing what he just said. You chose to ignore it the same way you did to the butterflies that erupted in your stomach.

“Yeah, okay.” you said and reached over to him, bending down to look for his phone.

In a split second, your face was right in front of Bucky’s crotch as you tried to reach beneath his car seat. You tried to ignore the bulge that was staring right at you and let your hand do the searching.

“Can you reach it?” Bucky asked.

You straightened up, “No. Can you pull aside?” you asked.

Bucky checked the surroundings and then the rearview mirror, “We can’t. We’re at a no loading and unloading zone.” he explained.

The phone continues to trill and it doesn’t seem like it would stop any time now. You sighed and removed your seatbelt before stretching your body over Bucky, slipping underneath his arms on the steering wheel so you can fully reach under his seat.

From another car’s view, you looked like you were giving him a blowjob. Not that you haven’t done that before, in this same car.

Finally, you felt his phone at the tip of your fingers and stretched further, your free hand coming to grip Bucky’s thigh unintentionally. It was only when you felt his muscles flex beneath his trousers that you realized how near your hand was to his crotch.

“Did you,” Bucky cleared his throat. “Did you get it?” he stammered.

You still have a certain effect on him, how very nice. Biting back a smirk, you hummed in response before pulling back and then handing him his phone casually. Mackenzie’s name was flashing on the screen as the phone continued to ring.

“Sorry, can you answer it and put it on speakerphone?” Bucky asked again.

You shrugged and did as you were told, holding the phone near Bucky as he continued to drive.

“Hey, Kenzie. Sorry, I dropped my phone. What’s up?” Bucky asked.

“Yeah, so my meeting got cancelled at the last minute. I was thinking maybe we can grab that dinner tonight instead?”

Bucky stole a quick glance from you but your face remained stoic, your hand steady as you held out his phone.

“Sure, how does around 7pm sound? I can pick you up.” Bucky offered.

“Sounds great. So are we checking that restaurant I was talking about?”

Bucky’s ears turned red again but he quickly recovered, “I was thinking of trying out a different one. I honestly didn’t like their dessert.”

Huh, that was weird. You and Bucky didn’t even make it to--

Fuck, he was talking about you, you realized. Clenching your jaw, you tried to keep calm. He was trying to get a rise out of you, don’t give in. Don’t react. Bucky’s conversation with Mackenzie didn’t last long and ended when they settled the location for their dinner.

The ride back to the office was quiet again, until your phone lit up from a notification. Bucky was already parking in the basement when you checked your phone, an audible gasp slipping past your lips upon reading the notification from LinkedIn.

Samuel Wilson wants to connect with you.

The Match Special Tags:

@marvelslag @weird-mumbling @propertyofpoeandbucky @lostinthoughtsandfeelings @mostly-marvel-musings @squishybabies @megzdoodle @suchababie @annathesillyfriend @xhollycowx @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog @5-seconds-of-mendes @gogolucky13 @countonthesun @iloveshawnieboi @learisa @borikenlove @scarlet-natasha89

Everything Bucky Tag List:

@ddowii @jessou893 @stealapizzamyheart @bagelofthelord @mxnt @dontputyourfckingdrinkonmytable @jeeperky @ohladymacbeth @wildflowergubler @supraveng @twinerd14 @buckysmar @bakugouswh0r3 @sweetcoldharmony @wintersfilm @charminivy @amelia-song-pond @iamvalentinaconstanza @mcubqrnes @im-squished @tcc-gizmachine @sipsteacasually @prettyintopeerpressure @weloveyasmin @est19xxshit @bloodhon3yx @dressed-in-prada @lizette50 @thatfangirl42 @sunflowerbunny2 @unmagically @okiegirl24 @sugarpunch-princess @enlyume @vvipgotbb @slimeyderp @lyoongx @just-deka @nobody-will @jaziona92 @elisebuitron @dpaccione @suvikamahes98blr @buckybarneshairpullingkink @earthtonav @x-judyjude-x @nani-kenobi @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @belladonnabarnes @iloveangstposts @weenersoldierr @asemistablehundredyearoldman @reidbuck @lizzarooni @girlfriday007 @bonkywobble @lost-in-the-stars03 @its-yasbxtch @whoth3hellisbucky

#bbb writes #the match #bucky barnes #bucky #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky x reader #bucky x you #fem!reader #bucky barnes smut #bucky smut #sebastian stan

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selfcarecap · 3 years

Text

Cinnamon Apple [z.c]

pairing: Zendaya x reader

summary: you and Zendaya make things official ♡

warnings: rpf, a tiny biiiit of smut but nothing explicit, probably swearing, the heteronormative society we live in lol

word count: 1.5k

-this is a repost of an old fic-

gif by harriers (ILOVEWOMENJUSTLOOKATHER)

The articles are harmless.

And that’s the problem for Zendaya.

She doesn’t want scandals or hate, of course, but reading through those headlines doesn’t sit right with her.

Zendaya spotted out and about with a friend

The two gal pals pictured last Friday...

Girls day: The two friends were seen enjoying a meal

She might just throw up.

Z has never been too public with her relationships, but whenever the paparazzi catch her out with a guy, the headlines are filled with assumptions about their relationship status, no matter how often they say they’re just friends.

And now with you? Not a single comment about what the looks between you two could mean, or even the slightest speculation about the nature of your relationship.

It shouldn’t bother Z, she should be grateful that you two don’t constantly have to worry about people prying.

But she’s feeling a little possessive. More than she expected she’d ever be.

Z wanted nothing more than to hold your hand immediately when you got out of the car that day and saw two cameras pointed at you and her, your eyes going wide.

But it was the first time in a situation like that, and she didn’t want you or herself to have to make a decision under pressure. So you simply walked next to each other as long as the cameras followed you, your fingers merely brushing each other’s every few steps.

She knows she’s not the reason why you haven’t made your relationship public. It’s the internet and trash magazines, as well as such a big group of fans and more so people who were not so much fans; it can be scary.

The pictures of you two came out a week ago, and for the internet, it’s like it never happened by now.

But Z has thought about them every single day and has come to the conclusion that she doesn’t like the current situation.

If it turns out you don’t want to be public, she’ll accept it in the blink of an eye. However, if you‘re okay with going public, she‘ll also do that in the blink of an eye.

Just knowing that everyone assumes she‘s single, and even worse that you‘re single, and that you two are merely friends annoys her.

All of her friends and family know. A few were surprised, but not a single person had a negative reaction. As it should be.

Now it‘s only understandable that Z wants the world to know that you‘re her baby and not her gal pal.

♡

“Babe, can you come here a sec?“

You follow Z‘s voice into the living room where she‘s sitting on the sofa.

Leaning over the back of it, you press a kiss to her neck and she smiles at you, showing you her phone.

“Can I post this?“

Z shows you a picture of you two at a cookout a while ago.

You‘re cuddled up on a cream white garden swing, Zendaya‘s arm around your neck and your face buried in her hair.

It‘s not like you‘re kissing, but it‘s such an obvious gesture of affection that there should be no doubt you two are more than friends.

If not your closeness, then the way Z‘s looking at you and your bright smile show how in love you are.

The picture is one of your favourites. Z did your hair that day, so it looked really cute and with the sun going down behind you two, it lowkey looks like a professional photo shoot, except that it was candid and taken on Snapchat by one of Z’s friends.

“Are you sure?” you ask.

“I am. But I won’t post it if you don’t want me to.”

You think about the world finally knowing that you get to call this wonderful human your girlfriend. A smile spreads across your face and Z pecks your lips.

“I like the idea,” you say, “A lot. What are you going to put as a caption?”

She shrugs, “I don’t know, I just want to let the world know you’re my baby.”

“Let them know, then,” you grin.

Z types something short and then her thumb hovers over the post-button, “Sure?”

“I‘m sure. Love you, baby.”

“Love you more.”

She posts the picture and flings her phone to the other end of the sofa, wrapping her arms around your waist, fingers brushing up against the skin under your hoodie.

You open the Instagram app on your phone, the picture Z just posted right at the top of your feed, “my cinnamon apple,” she captioned it, after the vine you two find so funny.

You’re about to look at the comments when Z swipes the phone from your hand, stuffing it between the sofa cushions, “You’re not going to read the comments!”

“I swear I was just going to comment-” Zendaya kisses your lips and you forget whatever you were going to say.

She takes your hand, dragging you to her bedroom and a few minutes later you’re both too blissed out to forget what Instagram even is.

Whatever Instagram might be, it’s just on the internet and it’s not real, it can’t harm you. What is real, is the beautiful woman next to you in bed, and you focus on nothing but her for the next few hours.

As you wake up from your pleasure-induced nap a bit later, you can smell something cooking in the kitchen and hear the sizzling from the pan.

You pull on a big hoodie and make your way to the kitchen, catching Z cooking in only a large shirt, dancing to some tune that’s humming from her phone.

Joining her in the kitchen, you hug her from behind, kissing her exposed shoulder, “D’you want me to help?”

“Nope, today I’m spoiling you, you can relax - food’s ready in maybe ten minutes.”

You give her another kiss and decide to help anyway, getting the plates and cutlery ready. Once you’re finished with setting the table, you retreat to the couch, dropping yourself down and landing on something hard. Your phone.

That’s when you remember the picture- how many million people will have seen it by now? What are their reactions?

Your heart starts racing as you fumble with your phone, going to the Instagram app.

The first thing that shows up is a story Zendaya posted and you quickly click on it.

She posted the earlier picture in her story too, captioning it with “Let me introduce you to…”

Okay, she’s making it suspenseful for her followers, but even your heart is beating out of your chest. You click to the next slide of her story, only text, “Not my friend, not my “gal pal””...

The last photo of her story is a new picture, one of you two kissing. She knew you would approve of it because it’s your phone wallpaper and also one of your favourite pictures.

It was taken in the back of a car. It was date night so you were both looking cute but you’d met some friends and decided to tag along. They were hyping you two up, wanting to take pictures to commemorate the night and saying how good you looked together, back when they didn’t even know you were together.

The pictures started innocently but for one of the last shots Z pulled you closer and suddenly you were kissing in front of her friends. Luckily the picture didn’t capture it, but you were terrified of their reaction, but a second later you heard their cheering and started smiling into the kiss - that’s when the picture was taken.

The grin on your face widens when you read what she’s written as a caption “Let me introduce you to this gorgeous human being who I’m proud to call my girlfriend, my wifey, my baby, my best friend, my everything,” with a red heart emoji at the end.

You’re so happy not a single negative comment could ruin your mood, so you check out her post and the comments underneath, only to get a feel for the general vibe - are the people supportive?

You nearly shed a tear when you’re bombarded with story reposts and positive comments - Jacob Batalon, Tom Holland both with funny and supportive comments, Laura Harrier with a heartfelt message. You see more comments by many others but just as you’re about to scroll further, Z calls you for food.

All you need to know is that she loves you, but having her massive fan base supporting you two only gives you more strength.

You make sure to tell her how much you love her during dinner, so many times, until she’ll grow bored of it (which she never does).

#zendaya x reader #zendaya #zendaya x you #zendaya fluff #zendaya x y/n #fem!reader #selfcarecap

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storiesforallfandoms · 3 years

Text

inspirational ~ corpse husband

word count: 1589

request?: yes!

“Hi! I was wondering if you could do a corpse husband imagine where the reader has a feeding tube? If you can’t that’s perfectly fine, I just haven’t been able to find one yet.”

description: in which the group plays with a popular streamer that has a feeding tube and corpse tells her how much she inspires him

pairing: corpse x female!reader

warnings: swearing, mentions of chronic pain and cancer, also i only know a little bit about feedings tubes, i tried to do research in order to make myself more familiar but if there’s a lot of inaccuracies or anything i am very sorry i’m gonna try my best

masterlist (one, two)

Corpse listened to his friends shouting at one another to accuse each other of being sus. As usual, there was no use in trying to get a word in. Corpse spoke so softly that no one would even hear him unless they wanted to hear what he was saying.

“(Y/N)!” Toast suddenly exclaimed. “You’re being very quiet right now.”

“Because my damn tube is mixed up in my headphone wires!” (Y/N) exclaimed, sounding like she was far away from her mic. The group chuckled and continued with their conversation about who they thought the imposter was.

(Y/N) was a known Twitch streamer and YouTuber that rose to popularity when she started a series on her YouTube channel to show her journey through cancer treatments. Long before his own sudden boom in popularity, Corpse had watched all of her videos and became invested in her Twitch streams as well. Being someone who also struggled with chronic illness and pain, Corpse felt a sense of hope watching (Y/N) go through her treatment and still seem to optimistic in life and so productive in her YouTube and Twitch channels.

When Toast messaged the Amigops group to ask if anyone wanted to join his Among Us lobby with (Y/N), Corpse jumped at the chance. He hadn’t had much time to speak with her alone, but he was hoping to be able to tell her how much watching her content lifted him up during his worst times.

The meeting ended with no one being voted and brought them back to the office of the Polus map. Since they were playing with proximity chat, the argument from the meeting immediately continued with Rae and Toast warning everyone to stay away from Sean, who they were susing at the second imposter after already voting out Charlie.

Corpse watched (Y/N)’s pink astronaut run out of the office, silent amongst the chaos. He waited a moment before deciding to follow her, hoping he could meet her somewhere alone so he could talk to her.

He ran into O2 and noticed a pink bean in the boiler room stood by the water wheels. He ran in and stood in the doorway a moment before speaking.

“Hello (Y/N).”

“Ah fuck!” (Y/N) exclaimed. “Corpse! Don’t scare me like that!”

Corpse chuckled. “Sorry, I’ll warn you next time.”

“Are you here to kill me?”

“Maybe.”

“I’m okay with that. I feel like being killed by Corpse Husband in Among Us is like a rite of passage at this point.”

Corpse slowly approached (Y/N) to which she quickly ran away from him to the other water wheel. He laughed again before assuring her, “I’m not an imposter, you can trust me.”

“I don’t think I can, but I will choose to trust,” she told him.

“I actually came looking for you because I wanted to talk to you.”

“What did you want to talk about?”

There were so many things running through Corpse’s mind. He just wanted to blurt out everything he had thought about (Y/N) and her story, to thank her for giving him hope, to tell her what an inspiration she was. But his words caught in his throat and he struggled to get anything out.

Finally, he said, “What’s it like trying to be a streamer with your...with the um...”

“The feeding tube?” (Y/N) finished for him. “You can say it, Corpse. It’s not exactly a secret.”

He sighed, glad that she had a joking tone about it. “Yeah, with the feeding tube.”

“It’s annoying,” (Y/N) admitted. “Like...I’m assuming you’ve seen my streams or my videos but for the sake of anyone watching your stream who hasn’t: I have a nasogastric feeding tube, or an NG-tube, which is a feeding tube that goes in through the nose. As cliché as it is, just picture Hazel Grace from the Fault in our Stars. Additional cliché, I have it because I had cancer and the treatments left me so malnourished that I need a feeding tube even after I’ve gone into remission. So, because it’s tubes that are connected in my nose, I keep getting my headphone wires tangled in my tube or, very rarely, my mic wires, and it’s fucking annoying. It hurts like a bitch when I go to stand up and I yank the wires by accident or something.”

“Does...does anything else hurt? Because of the cancer or the treatment or anything?”

“Not as much as it used to. I went into remission like nearly a year ago, so I’m doing better. It’s a process, but it’s had an amazing outcome in the end so I wouldn’t change a thing.”

“I find you really inspirational,” Corpse finally blurted.

He felt his face heat up with slight embarrassment as (Y/N) giggled. “You do?”

“Yeah. I followed your series about your recovery and I’ve watched some of your livestreams every now and then. What always stood out to me was when you talked about the negative side effects of your treatment, and eventually having to put the feeding tube in and how you’ve found that effects you, too. Being someone with chronic illness and constant pain, I’ve also had those days where it feels like even getting out of bed is too much work and I don’t feel like I can stream or make a video, but then my anxiety tells me that everyone is going to forget about me if I don’t make some type of content, so it’s just an internal struggle when really I should be resting.”

“Being a content creator and having an illness is tough,” (Y/N) agreed. “It feels like you can’t take a day off. I sometimes regret making that series because on days that I felt absolutely awful, I didn’t want to film or edit anything, but I felt like I had to because so many people were watching. Ironically enough, that became the topic of one of those videos; I just sat in front of my camera looking the worst I think I’ve ever looked on camera and talked about how exhausted I felt just from being alive, but felt like I couldn’t rest because of my channel. That’s when I started taking longer breaks between videos and streaming. Your fans won’t leave you, not the true fans anyways. They’ll always be by your side even if you decide to disappear from the Internet forever.”

Corpse half smiled to himself. “I’ve thought about doing that sometimes.”

“It’ll be easy for you to do that where you’re faceless. No one would bother you even after you left the Internet cause they’d have no idea it was you unless you spoke.”

A brief pause in their conversation caused them to hear Sean yelling as he ran past the room. (Y/N) giggled and walked out of the room. Corpse followed, hoping to continue the conversation somewhere else.

“It means a lot to me that you think that about me, though,” (Y/N) continued as she ran into the storage room. “I find you pretty inspirational too.”

This took Corpse by surprise. He didn’t know how to respond. Sure, he heard that all the time from his fans, and it always meant the world to him to know that people found him to be an inspiration, but it felt different to hear that from someone he had looked up to for so long.

“I wish I could’ve been a faceless creator like you,” she said when Corpse didn’t respond. “One of my biggest regrets is probably showing my face online. Although, it wouldn’t make sense for me not to show my face when I’m making a series about cancer treatment, but people can be mean. Even when someone is struggling with illness or a disease, the Internet doesn’t care. Whatever makes them feel better over someone else feeling like shit.”

“I still get a lot of hateful messages even though I’m faceless, though.”

“You do, but you’re so unbothered by it. Publicly anyways. When I get messages about how sickly I look I get so overwhelmed with sadness and I just wanna delete my channel forever. I can’t even fake not caring because it really does effect me.”

“Stick with me, I’ll teach you my ways. My favorite is trolling the troll.”

(Y/N) chuckled. “I’d like that a lot.”

Corpse watched (Y/N)’s pink bean approach his black one. “I’m glad we had this chat, Corpse. It made me really happy, but now it also makes doing this a lot harder.”

Corpse gasped as a kill animation popped up on the screen and (Y/N)’s astronaut quickly disappeared into the nearby vent. He was stunned into silence for a long time, just watching his ghost floating above his dead body. To make matters worse, (Y/N) had closed the door to storage so no one would find his body unless they had to go in there.

Charlie’s ghost floated through the walls and came to float next to Corpse’s. “Figured out Jack wasn’t the other imposter, huh?”

“Yeah,” Corpse said, laughing. “She really had me fooled. Buttered me up with compliments then killed me.”

“I taught her well,” Charlie comments before floating away again.

Corpse couldn’t help but laugh about the situation. He wasn’t mad, more impressed than anything. And he was a little happy; he got to talk to someone that had always been an inspiration to him and he made a new friend.

#corpse husband #corpse husband imagine #corpse husband x reader #corpse #corpse imagine #corpse x reader #imagine #one shot #request #fanfiction #fanfic #fandom

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blueempty · 2 months

Text

I'm back on the neurodivergent sleep schedule

Todays positive thing is Pokemon Legends Zygard wahoo. I'm actually a gen 6 enjoyer and a Legends Arceus stan so this is big news for me. I'm trying not to go too hard thinking about new mega evolutions or regional variants

I did end up bummed out for a while because Kalos reminded me of my friend Morgan who i was really close to from Pokken, Malamar and Diancie are her favorite Pokémon and she got really good as Aegislash in Pokken. She just kinda vanished one day and didnt say anything before completely expunging her online presence, even her switch profiles went inactive. But I finally asked one of our friends today if she knew what happened and it sounds like its as I assumed, she just couldnt deal with social media and shit anymore and on a whim completely withdrew from the internet. I truly envy her. But she doesnt like when people talk about her so i've said too much already, sorry Morgan. It just finally hit me how much I miss my friend. Shes doing well though I guess so thats good to hear

That also made me aware that my time dilation is a lot worse than I thought cuz my last message to her was in 2022 and I thought it had been like pre-pandemic. She gave me money for Pokemon Legends Arceus when it came out cuz I didnt have any at the time even though she thought it was cringe, but like, my concept of what has occured pre and post covid is completely lost, I do not know where I am in time

Except for how old I am cuz its my birthday todayyyy (the 28th) and I'm 29~~~~~~ and I'm not having a crisis at allllllllll hehee. Me and my partner are gonna go get boba and stuff but I dont have any real plan. I still kinda feel sick from the weekend before last so I've been too sleepy to think about stuff like that. It'll be nice to spend the day together tho. We watched the first two episodes of the Dungeon Meshi anime and its really well done. Marcille's english va is so good. I've been reading it all day too and the cat ninja has appeared. There was a moment when they were fighting the dragon that was so sick I almost stood up out of my chair at work. Liking that a lot

My kanji of the day I decided a few minutes ago is 飯, because well ya know. It means food, thats a good word to know regardless of what I'm reading currently right!! Looking up the stroke order helped me understand the whole kanji a lot better than I did looking at the like, text version of it from my keyboard. The rule of stroke order seems to get bent a lot. It must have to do with where strokes end as well as where they start. I know its top to bottom left to right but the way boxes are written seems to change sometimes if one side is longer or something. Maybe I'm misremembering the stroke order for 願. I probably am

Oh I found a vulture feather today too that was cool. Heres that and my plants shadows

Peace and Long Life

#skyposting #thoughtposting #kanji of da day

0 notes

shroudcore · 3 years

Text

Speak now, or forever hold your peace. (III)

Summary: You successfully convinced Eliza to stop the wedding. Unfortunately (or is it really), Eliza has come to a solution that she thinks would be best for everybody and it’s happening no matter what.

Idia x GN!reader. Reader is MC, or takes the role of MC in this story.

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4)

Warnings: none

As if by some miracle, he was still standing—even after you failed to convince Eliza how unnecessary a wedding would be. Now face-to-face with you on the altar, he still couldn’t believe how things turned out. This wasn’t supposed to happen in real-life. Things like these were the stuff of movies. Or anime. Or dating sims.

Ace, Epel, Rook, and Riddle were freed at your request. They, along with Ortho, were now arranging the paralyzed students into chairs, since Eliza refused to let them move for disrespecting the “couple”. When you ran out of excuses, some heavily opposed the impromptu wedding. Idia knew why: he wasn’t the only one in NRC who liked you like that. He’d been aware of some schoolmates’ attempts to romance you for a while now. Really, all you had to do was pick a route.

How did he know, you might ask? It’s not like he secretly researched and listed down his competition so he could keep an eye on them.

Alright… maybe he did. Heat crawled up to his neck at the thought of anyone finding out.

“So… we’re getting married,” you said, pulling him out of his thoughts. You spoke slowly, as if testing the words in your mouth. Like him, you couldn’t quite wrap your head around the fake wedding just yet. You fidgeted more than usual—barely looking at his face or talking to him since you joined him at the altar.

Were you thinking of the same thing? The inevitable kiss after you say your vows?

A weak hum was all he could manage. A smile appeared on your face, showing that you understood. You didn’t tell him to speak up; you never told him to. Somehow, the sight of that smile put him at ease like a recovery potion after a Despair battle ailment. It felt like another day in his room, the two of you hanging out and eating candy.

“Nice suit, by the way.”

“Th...anks?” Idia turned his head to the side. If he looked at you any longer, he might combust. Not that he didn’t already. Which was embarrassing btw.

You inched closer, making him gasp and jump back as multiple alarms went off in his head. Really�� mind the Personal Space Bubble! Oh wait… that’s right. He’d stopped telling you off for getting too close long ago.

Your face flashed a look of surprise, which quickly faded into concern as you observed him. When you whispered, your breath grazed his neck and ear. Hopefully his shudder escaped your notice.

“You okay?” Immediately, you backtrack. “Wait, that was stupid. I know you’re not.”

“So many people watching...” he mumbled. His eyes quickly scanned the hall. “I can’t do this.” And he ended it there. You didn’t need to know how he felt about marrying you.

Again, you understood. Your smile faded and Idia found himself missing it immediately as it went.

“Sorry, I...” you look down, fiddling with your fingers again. “I really should’ve tried harder to stop this.”

Idia silently wished for dialogue options, because he didn’t quite know what to say to that. However, it looked like he didn’t need to. You took his hand and squeezed it, a determined fire flickering behind your eyes.

“This’ll be over soon. Just hold on,” you said, squeezing his hand. “It’s just another quest, player 1.”

At the familiar nickname, he smiled in spite of his thumping heartbeat and everything that had happened. “Let’s do it, player 2.”

“Let us proceed with the ceremony!” Eliza, who had been watching the two of you closely, was eager for the wedding to commence. She clasped her hands in anticipation, looking no different from a normie watching a Rom-com. At her command, the wedding music played again—the same one as before. You gave Idia a look and shrugged.

“Can’t believe we’re getting married to this music...”

“Sounds like doom, doesn’t it?”

“Isn’t that what marriage is? Doom?”

“Haha! E-exactly…” Normally, he would’ve agreed wholeheartedly. This time, he couldn’t help but wonder if that’s how you felt marrying him.

The ghost officiant returned to the makeshift altar (maintaining a good distance from you). Each NRC student who had the misfortune of attempting a proposal sat in a chair, watching the event. You smiled reassuringly, eyes sparkling like embers.

“We are gathered here today to unite these two lovers in the bonds of matrimony,” the officiant begins. The darkness of the hall gave him quite a sight: the flickering flames of his hair illuminating your face in blue light. Seeing it, when in the safety and darkness of his room, made him feel this warm, fuzzy feeling he thought was reserved for 2D characters.

“Do you, Idia Shroud, take … as your lawful spouse, to have and to hold from this day forward—for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, keeping yourself solely unto them for as long as you both shall live? If so, answer " I do".

This’ll never happen in real life. “I do.” I don’t have a chance, do I?

Confessing would only ruin the bond he had with you. If it meant never losing your friendship, then this fake wedding would be enough.

He looked at you, standing in front of him as you were about to say your own vows and silently implored Mnemosyne to burn this scene into his memory forever.

“Do you take Idia Shroud as your lawful husband, to have and to hold from this day forward—for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, keeping yourself solely unto him for as long as you both shall live? If so, answer "I do."”

It seemed that you were doing the same. Idia faltered under the intensity of your gaze. “I do.”

“I now pronounce you as spouses. You may now kiss!”

Here it comes. CODE RED! CODE RED!

The way Idia’s face burned rivaled that of his hair. He was becoming hyper-aware of the snickers coming from his schoolmates. Seeing you made him worse—the corners of your mouth twitched and your shoulders shook as you fought back a laugh.

“Hey! We’re about to kiss and you’re laughing?!” he cried, covering his face. “Kill me now.”

Just like that, your quiet and tender moment was gone. You couldn’t hold it in anymore. Covering your face like he did, you erupted in giggles. Peeking out from the gaps of his fingers, Idia thought about #3 from the Signs of Attraction list he found on the Internet:

“Another unconscious sign of attraction is mirroring, or matching another person's movements. When people are interested in one another, researchers have found that they tend to mimic each other's movements and gestures.”

Nah. Can’t be. He would have thought it was cute, if you weren’t laughing at his expense.

“S-sorry! Your hair’s just—” another round of giggles interrupted you. “...burning really brightly!”

“I can’t help it, okay?” he said, face red from annoyance and of course, the thought of what you were about to do. “Stop!”

You tried to stop, but just the sight of his red face and hair sent you into another round of wheezing laughter. So hard you laughed, that an inhuman sound came out of you. Immediately, you stopped and looked at him, eyes wide.

But it was Idia’s turn to lose it.

“You… sound like… a Minecube pig!” he said, each word punctuated by uncontrollable peals of laughter. The wedding attendees had no choice but to watch on as you and your groom wheezed at the altar instead of kissing.

“Baaya, what is wrong with them?” a confused Eliza asks.

“I do not know, but it is apparent that they were made for each other.”

It wasn’t until the annoyed officiant cleared his throat that you and Idia stopped. You straightened up, wiping tears from your eyes as you tried to catch your breath. It was only then that your expression turned serious, but not without a few traces of your mirth from a few seconds ago.

“Idia, we don’t have to—I’m really, really sorry about this, okay?” you whisper to him. “I know how much you value your firsts…”

“It’s fi—”

“...not that I’m assuming you haven’t had your first uh, kiss yet but—oh god, I uh… ”

No dating sim—nothing could have prepared him for this situation. But strangely, laughing his ass off with you gave him a spark of courage that he rarely ever felt. In a moment, he would be kissing you. He hopes that courage lasts.

“Let’s get this over with,” Idia surprised even himself with how steady his voice sounded.

“Oh…”

You were still, staring at him open-mouthed for what seemed like a few minutes. He stared back, until you were forced to avert your gaze to the ground. Something told him that he was doing something right. A lone voice from the audience chanting “Kiss!” pulled the two of you back to reality. Someone was making an obnoxious kissing sound. Neither of you dared to look and see who it was.

“Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” the ghosts joined in on the chant.

Shyly, you lifted your head back up. “O-okay. Here goes nothing!”

He tried recounting how first kisses were described by people on the Internet, from his manga, and the countless dating sims he played. Some said there were fireworks. Some said it felt electric. Some described the feeling as the rest of the world falling away. One swore it made them feel like the ground disappearing beneath their feet and before they knew it, they were floating.

Should he close his eyes? Which side should he tilt his head? Where does he put his hands? How exactly do you kiss? Questions, panicky thoughts, and movie kissing scenes ran through his head like a computer reading code. When you leaned in, someone pressed ‘mute’ on the sounds in the hall and all that was left was him and you.

When you held his face in your gloved hands, it was Error 404. He let his eyes flutter closed. When everything went dark, all he felt was the shy, feather-light brush of lips against the corner of his mouth. Not quite on his lips, just dangerously close.

Purer than a first kiss, but more than just a friendly peck. The students of NRC witnessed Idia’s hair at its most fiery just the same.

To be continued.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA Characterization hard

Hehe, hope you liked this. Part 4, the finale, coming soon.

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4)

#twst x reader #idia x reader #idia shroud x reader #idia shroud #twisted wonderland x reader #twst fic

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