#this one always stood out to me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

feroluce · 12 days

Text

Lucid Dreamer (1/2)

part 2

Gepard notices that it's been. Quiet lately. Like weirdly quiet. TOO quiet. He hasn't seen Sampo Koski in almost a week, which is about the longest he's ever been absent. And he is NOT worried. He's not! So what if they've been getting along more lately! So what if Gepard sometimes looks for him in his favorite hiding places! So what if he's been dreaming about blue hair and green eyes! It's nothing!!

But they're….strange, these dreams. Gepard doesn't usually remember what he's dreamt. It's out of his mind seconds within waking up. But these stick with him, they won't leave him be, they feel different somehow.

He dreams of Sampo bringing food to the frontlines and eating breakfast in his tent with him. Sampo always sneaks him extras. He dreams of chasing Sampo through the alleyways, Sampo sometimes letting himself be caught, Gepard sometimes catching him, and trying to ignore how it feels more like a game now more than anything else. He even dreams that Sampo tags along with him on one of his few civilian days. Sampo runs errands with him, prattles about inane bullshit while Gepard picks out groceries for the week, drags Gepard into some bakery he's never been to but he thinks Serval mentioned once.

And sometimes, it feels so close to reality, that Gepard half expects to see Sampo, shamelessly swaggering into the frontlines with all the guards' breakfast like his wanted poster wasn't only recently taken off the walls of Belobog. He's disappointed when it's always someone else instead. He tells himself his disappointment is ridiculous and if Sampo wants to go prowl around the Snow Plains or wherever he is, then fine. It's not any of his business.

…But it IS his job to investigate any unusual criminal activity relating to the frontlines. And the frontlines are Sampo's usual haunting grounds, and this is unusual activity, and Sampo IS technically a criminal, so it is absolutely part of his duty to look into this - is what Gepard tells himself the entire tram ride down into the Underground.

Natasha tells him he's gone, and Gepard has to steel himself. He knew Sampo made enemies wherever he went, there are a lot of people who would love his head on a platter, but he didn't think-

Natasha corrects him that she means literally gone. As in off-planet. Sampo always leaves her a note before he goes anywhere, so she knows not to expect any supply runs from him. He should be back in exactly two weeks. Thank the Preservation.

Gepard goes back home. He waits.

The uneasiness doesn't leave him.

"Where did you go?" Sampo stops dead in the middle of some story about Seele, and how you'd think someone with as blunt a mouth as her wouldn't have so much trouble asking a woman out, even if that woman IS the Supreme Guardian, and stares at him. He nearly fumbles his cigarette.

"Ahaha, what do you mean, I'm right here?" Sampo smiles at him the same way he always does. Gepard has no idea why he asked. It just popped out. He can never tell when Sampo is lying, anyway.

"I don't know. I feel like I haven't seen you in a long time." Gepard idly mouths at his own cigarette. He almost never smokes, but he wants to ration their stocks of Blizzard Immunity, and it helps with the cold. It's seemed colder lately, for some reason.

Gepard flicks his lighter once, twice, sighs at the third time because a metal prosthetic and thick gloves make the damn things so difficult. Sampo reaches over and wordlessly kisses the end of his cigarette to Gepard's, lighting it. "Thank you."

Nothing happens for almost a full 30 seconds. Something churns behind Gepard's ribcage. Because Sampo never leaves a "thank you" hanging. This is the part where he gives his spiel about how helpful and kind he is and Gepard either brings up how long his rap sheet was before Bronya helped clear his name, or just stares deadpan because seeing Sampo squirm is weirdly satisfying.

"…I'll be back in one more week."

Gepard jolts awake in his cot, mouth dry and eyes bleary.

The hell.

The next dream he has, Sampo looks tired. Sometimes he seems normal. Sometimes he says strange things, like how he wishes he'd gone to some restaurant in Belobog. Ate his favorite food more recently. Brought something with him. Gepard asks why he can't do that now. Where would he bring something? Sampo only shrugs. His rebuttals have less energy.

Gepard doesn't know if he wants to dream more, or less.

He ticks down the days on his calendar. Natasha hasn't told him any different. She promised she would if she got any kind of message. Sampo returns tomorrow, from whatever vacation or seedy business dealings he's been off having. He is not excited about it. He is not looking forward to it. He's not!!

Gepard falls asleep late that night, unable to settle. He dreams again.

He's alone. There are tons of people everywhere, the frontlines are always crowded. But he's alone. They all pass right by him as though he were a ghost. Gepard starts to walk before he realizes his feet are even moving.

He checks the trashcans in the dead end alley. He checks the supply crates that someone always stacks too high because they don't feel like finding more space for them. He pauses to check the soldiers that march past him, watching their footprints in the snow.

He finally finds Sampo on the rooftop along the northernmost wall, the one that looks out over the plains, towards Everwinter Hill, towards where the Stellaron had once been kept. With a full moon and an entire land of white snow, Gepard can almost see clear out to the horizon.

"Found you." Sampo stiffens, and Gepard is almost prepared for him to sprint off the roof. He doesn't. But he doesn't relax either. Gepard sits down next to him and stares out at the wastelands.

"…I fucked up." It wasn't what Gepard had been expecting. Sampo never 'fucks up,' Sampo just gets into incidents that are entirely, supposedly, not his fault and that he just happens to always be within the vicinity of.

"What did you do now?" It must be really bad if Sampo is coming to the Silvermanes for protection.

Instead, Sampo ignores his question completely. "See out over there? Right on the other side of that mountain. There's a safe house that way. It's hidden under a lot of snow and dead trees, but it's there. And in that safe house is a box full of letters. I need you to deliver those letters for me."

Gepard's brow furrows. It's a weird favor to ask. Sampo would never tell anyone where his hidden safehouses were. It defeated the whole purpose of a hidden safe house.

Something is wrong, something is really really wrong.

Gepard turns back to look at him again and startles, all of his questions dying in his throat, because the entire left side of Sampo's head is suddenly matted down, dark and sticky, his skin is dyed red red red-

"In three more months, there's gonna be something big happening." Gepard grabs Sampo's hand and it feels slick and warm against his palm. "I won't be here. So I need you to do my end of things for me." Gepard tries to keep hold, but something is fading, something is slowing, the sun is coming up but the colors are all wrong, everything feels like encroaching fog, Sampo's hand slides right through his. "I was gonna come back with my mask to finish setting the stage, but…" Gepard makes a frantic grab for Sampo's wrist, the air twists, he comes back empty-handed. "They have you. And you're the Iron Wall of Belobog. So it'll be ok."

Gepard finally manages to find his grip, snatches the front of Sampo's dark wet jacket and yanks him forward to hold onto him, and this close up, he can see it better, his colors are bleaching out, leaking outside the lines as if Sampo will become part of the background, as if he's fading into the strange fog that's been closing in on them. His fingers are already starting to feel empty again.

"Wake up."

Gepard jolts awake, uncurls his hands from where they're fisted in the blanket, scrubs the dampness off his face. Breathes. Breathes. Breathes. Today is supposed to be the day.

He throws on his civilian clothes, and he goes down to the shipyard the IPC had built. He finds a spot where he can see every person that returns to Belobog, and he waits.

And he waits and he waits and he waits.

No one he recognizes appears.

#sampard #gepo #hsr gepard #hsr sampo #gepard landau #sampo koski #honkai star rail #hsr #blood #my fics #lucid dreamer #there was more to this but it didn't feel right included here so part 2 tomorrow maybe?#I just think Penacony being the land of dreams presents some FASCINATING possibilities like showing up in other people's dreams #the end of masquerade duet killed me just beat me dead #Sampo going through all this trouble just to protect Belobog...#poor Ray got such an earful that night haha #In the Penacony dreamscape someone can change their appearance however they want but I think in this case where one of the dreamers AREN'T-#-on Penacony it would take more concentration to keep that illusion up #and if someone were say. hurt and badly bleeding. it would start to fall apart eventually as they lost their concentration.#but oh my heart #Sampo being away and missing Belobog so badly he shows up in his friends' dreams just to do the same mundane shit they always do...#He probably showed up to everyone #he sat around and kept Natasha company in her clinic. he pestered Seele until he provoked her into asking Bronya on a date.#he played one last song with Pela and Serval. he told them he'd always kept his old bass guitar.#he took Hook out on one last joyride on his scooter and he even let her sit up front and steer like she'd always wanted.#and he stood around to shoot the shit with Gepard #he got to go do things like run domestic errands together with him. as if they could have been something more than what they were at the en #it was nice to get the chance to do all that #it was nice

59 notes · View notes

h-worksrambles · 2 years

Text

I still cannot get over just how all out Spyro Reignited went with the redesigns of the dragons in the first game. The sheer amount of distinct personality they manage to give each one. The way they keep a consistent theme for each of the kingdoms, be it Artisans, Peacekeepers, Dreamweavers or what have you, while keeping them distinct. How well animated they all are in the mini cutscenes when they’re released. The artists and animators really went above and beyond with this one. Like, the Spyro games have lovely art direction by PS1 standards, don’t get me wrong. But seriously, we went from this...

To THIS....

Absolute peak performance right here.

Spyro 1 is actually still my personal favourite of the trilogy (though the other two are great, don’t get me wrong). And the amount of love this game got in the remaster is stunning.

#i actually like a lot of the redesigns for the characters in 2 and 3 as well #but the dragons always stood out to me as the ones that had my jaw on the flaw #someone really just went 'we're gonna take all 74 of spyro's dragon dads #and we’re gonna make them all look IMMACULATE’#and I am HERE for it #spyro #spyro reignited trilogy #spyro the dragon

519 notes · View notes

flashanimated · 1 year

Text

BEEN DOWN THIS ROAD BEFORE,

ALREADY KNOW THIS STORY.

#sonic the hedgehog #shadow the hedgehog #silver the hedgehog #explanation!! in tags. since i don't think my composition got my exact idea down #but this song is one of my fav sonic (as a character) themes. what it tells us about sonic. and this lyric especially stood out to me #we don't really know much of sonic's past (as of current game canon) or real feelings on most situations. to get them in character themes #like this is wonderful. and for so long i keep thinking about how like #i really truly think. when you really think abt it and consider them all as characters within canon #especiallyyyy the 1998-2000s games. sonic has more similarities to shadow and silver than what's been shown or what most have known #originally this was going to just have sonic and shadow but i always have to throw silver into things #but i wanted to potray a sort of sympathy from sonic as well as sense of understanding #being the hero of the whole world saving it many times and fighting insane things as a 15 year old little animal's gotta be a lot #& anyway i like to take baby game seriously just a little bit

306 notes · View notes

nighmoons · 4 months

Text

when i first read the percy jackson novels, annabeth's first description by percy was that she had "princess curls". 12 yr old me ran with that description and always imagined annabeth with an almost disney princess like beauty with a hardness to her eyes and demeanour that comes with being a demigod. watching leah sava jeffries act out annabeth is so so insane to me because i genuinely see my interpretation of annabeth within her. she has this wonderful intelligent beauty that comes through in her acting. i hope the series gets renewed because i want to see leah's annabeth grow. shes going to be such an important female figure for so many children (and adults!) watching this series.

#annabeth chase the CHARACTER that u are #annabeth chase #leah sava jeffries #percyseries #pjo #pjato #percy jackon and the olympians #disney plus #percy jackson #one thing i did wish was for percy to notice her hair like he did in the books that moment always stood out to me #ive never seen leah in anything else other than the percyseries but she is annabeth!#theres no denying it

43 notes · View notes

spacedlexi · 10 months

Text

it honestly frustrates me when i see people reduce the ericsons cast down to "just some teens in the woods" acting like theyre no different than any other group of lone teenagers from other existing properties and treating them like an overused trope

it is sooo important to acknowledge the "troubled youth" aspect of the whole equation. theyre not just some random teens in the woods clem stumbles across. these kids were abandoned by their families for their various "difficulties" and fucked up by The System before the outbreak even began. and then once zombies started roaming the streets their familes never came back for them and the adults that were in charge of taking care of them just left them there to rot in that old boarding school (except for ms martin who was like their lee 🥺 the only person who ever saw them as the scared traumatized kids they were and died protecting them)

the whole aspect of them already being fucked up by the adults that controlled their lives is like.....kind of important when discussing the whole "delta is stealing kids to force them to fight in a war they have no real part in and want nothing to do with" aspect of the season. and its important when comparing them to clem and her journey of also suffering at the hands of the adults around her forcing her to become self reliant. AND its important when discussing the "just trying to build a safe home (and future) worth fighting for in this world that wants them dead" aspect of the season as well

these kids were forced to come together to survive. and a Lot of them didnt... theyre the only family they have left and you can tell that even when they argue with each other theyre still a close knit group who looks out for each other. theyre a Real family before clem even gets there (and its why what really happened with the twins and brody and marlon hits them all so especially hard)

all of this is what REALLY makes ericsons such a perfect home for clem. its a Real community of her True peers. theyre not Just teens. they mightve had a layer of safety clem never had by at least having walls to keep them safe. and having the benefit of the school being hard to find. its the only reason theyre still alive when clem shows up. but theyre also some of the only people who can Truly understand where clem and aj are coming from. and its why it hurts so much when they vote to kick them out. but its also partially why she merges back into the fold so easily when she returns. plus the fact that shes Really the only one who has any idea what shes doing. shes their rock and she makes them feel safe because underneath it all theyre still just those scared traumatized kids ("EVERYONE is scared, clem..." vi was Definitely including herself in that 'everyone'), and on some level, so is clem

they saved clementines life. and she saved theirs. "the school was supposed to help them with their trauma, now they help each other" its about the LOVE the COMMUNITY the SUPPORT!!!! and thats the shit that makes good zombie media honestly 👌

#it speaks #twdg #there i go again writing another essay but i will Always defend the ericson cast theyre one of the strongest out of all 4 seasons #complaints ive seen about s4 typically include mentions of the teens as a trope being overused and im like.......did you even pay attention #the fact they were branded “troubled youth” and basically thrown away by everyone who was supposed to take care of them is SO IMPORTANT #these kids are Fucked Up but theyre Trying to make a kinder world #nobody talk to me i fucking love the ericson cast 😭😭😭 theres not a single one of them i dont like im serious #them using poor pilgrim of sorrow in ep3....ericsons is heaven to clem 😭 all the comments she can make about feeling safe there 😭😭#clem being everyones rock but violet being clems rock back 🥺😭💕 waaaaahhh thats why it was over for me when vi stood up for them in ep 2 #vi having the courage to stand up to her group for aj........... yeah she had me in a vice grip after that. she fought for them so hard #and if it wasnt for her advocating so hard for them to stay they ALL would have been taken or killed #vi cared about clem so much she undoomed them all #and aj loved clem so much he undoomed her :')#s4 is just the perfect ending to clems story truly itll make me happy for the rest of my life im so happy for u clem 🥺#tfw the media you like gets a good ending and the main characters are respected and it feels like it was made from a place of love #instead of being like...actively hostile to its fanbase and destroying its own characters for the Laughs #and when i say “good” i dont necessarily mean “happy” i just mean “competently written"#i wouldnt call it perfect but it survived both a cancellation AND the financial collapse of a major game studio. its perfect to Me #for what it is (and what it originally almost was with the clems house plot) we truly lucked out so fucking hard #truly a return to form of season 1 but with less despair and more hope which i appreciate :')#all the things ive liked over the years that were destroyed for me by bad or weird writing decisions... clutches onto twdg like a lifeboat #god i love s4 so much nothing has ever been More Specifically Written For Me Personally

47 notes · View notes

flags-planes-and-fire · 2 months

Text

Photo credit to Roberto Canessa on Instagram (26/02/2024)

In honour of his fathers (Juan Carlos Canessa) birthday, Roberto uploaded the above images to his Instagram.

He wrote the following caption.

Loose English translation (Alt ID in Spanish):

Today my dad Juan Carlos Canessa would be 96 years old, great father and an excellent cardiologist who dedicated his life to family and medicine. From him I learned the importance of family, and a lot about the profession of Cardiologist. I was lucky enough to start as a doctor by his side and work with him for many years. My father, was another of the "crazy people" who kept looking for us, he's the one who found out we were alive listening to the radio in a taxi. On December 22, 1972 he was already embarking on the return to Montevideo without good news to spend Christmas, and it is in the taxi that took him to the airport where he hears my name. 🤍

Happy birthday Dad, wherever you are 🙌🏻

--- Tangent about the caption under the cut ---

Roberto talks of the "taxi that took him to the airport where he hears my name", this is discussed in his book, I Had to Survive.

Please note I only own the English version of the book, so I am unable to give a Spanish version, my apologies.

His father writes -

I wanted to put this conversation to rest.

"Im the father of one of the boys whose plane crashed into the Andes. But the incident they're talking about yesterday happened to me, not to the boys. We're the ones who were the survivors. I'm one of them."

"You really don't know, do you?" the driver said, now animated as he looked at me through the rearview mirror. "They found two of the boys who were on the plane with the rugby players!"

"What are you talking about?" I found my voice was rising.

"It's all over the news!" the driver said as he flipped on the radio, "They're even naming the survivors!"

The first word I heard when he turned on the radio was his name.

"Roberto Canessa and Fernando Parrado are the two survivors who reached Los Maitenes," the announcer said.

The driver swerved and slammed the breaks as I broke down and lunged toward the front seat to hug and kiss him, yelling, "That's my son! That's my son!"

The driver and I jumped out of the car and hugged each other.

I began to cry as he hugged me tighter, then began to cry just as hard, right there in the middle of the road. I don't remember anything we talked about from that moment until we reached my cousin Gregorini's place; I was floating off somewhere else, crying along with the taxi driver who could barely drive he was crying so hard.

He continues on, but this passage in particular stood out to me -

I've thought a lot about that taxi driver, whose name I never learned, the man who gave me back my life just as I had given up.

Juan Carlos Canessa relayed this story on December 27, 2008, six months before his death. (Note given in: I Had to Survive)

#Book Credit: Roberto Canessa and Pablo Vierci. Translation credit: Carlos Frías #flight 571 #roberto canessa #i really need to pick up the spanish versions. anyway #uruguayan flight 571 #uruguayan history #uruguay flight 571 #he posted this earlier this morning and i havent stopped thinking about it #one of the most moving parts of the book was that line from his father - “the man who gave me back my life just as i had given up”#i mean there's a LOT of moving parts in his book. obviously. but that always stood out to me

10 notes · View notes

frojdh-art · 2 years

Photo

“Rough fingers touched her chin, lifting her head to look at him, and she was abruptly reminded of the height he had on her.”

Inspired by @missmungoe story Mnemosyne

#one piece #opfanart #shanks x makino #red haired shanks #every now and then I do find myself re-reading mungoes storie.#And I always get a huge urge to draw afterwards #This scene stood out the most to me this time #without violating the sites policy.... dot dot dot...#Haven't read the story? Please do!#New way of drawing Makino #!

239 notes · View notes

danothan · 9 months

Text

can someone make sense of this panel to me bc the servers and i are looking for what comic this came from, and until i get an answer, my only context is that barry is an affectionate drunk. and apparently can get drunk

i thought speedsters metabolized their alcohol too quickly for it to affect them, either he’s lying abt having a ‘few’ or he’s lying abt being drunk in general. or maybe he’s got that special speedster-inclusive alien liqueur, someone give me the context PLEASE

#i always wondered why this panel stood out to me #it’s bc of how casually physical he’s being! hal is always the one with his arm around him not barry!#barry being an affectionate drunk is everything to me #he gets a little tipsy (allegedly) and he’s all over hal singing him his praises #this is the closest i’m ever gonna get to a halbarry drunk confession.#it’d be even funnier if he wasn’t actually drunk. just looking for an excuse to deny it later #if i think abt it too hard it’ll hurt my heart so let’s just stay here in this moment #[kicks back my attempt at speedster alcohol metabolism analysis from last night] it’s fine we’re fine #alcohol #barry allen #halbarry #hal jordan #the flash #green lantern #dc #panels #danbles

42 notes · View notes

daz4i · 8 months

Text

one day I'll make a list of like. what trope every bsd character is meant to subvert (or rather subvert the expectations you'd have of that trope) and how they do that. bc it's really interesting and a very cool writing quirk i don't see brought up often enough

#it's smth that stood out to me very quickly esp with atsushi. but he's not the only one #another one who immediately stands out in that regard is chuuya i think. i saw someone say chuuya always does what you least expect from him #kunikida too. tho i already talked about him #akutagawa and atsushi's relationship. fukuchi. sigma even. the guild as a concept #i should make a proper list i think!

21 notes · View notes

flowercrowngods · 6 months

Text

and today in sometimes i write shit that fucks me up for weeks: time travel au steve & trees

Steve gets up. Goes into his room — not his room at all, it’s not his home, it’s not his — knowing Hopper won’t follow him, locks the door knowing El will unlock it if she needs him, and crawls under the blanket. He doesn’t cry, just curls up and lies there in numb misery of feeling too much, thinking too much, knowing too much, and not having the right words to express anything.

The air under the blanket gets too warm to really be comfortable, but he doesn’t want to move. He’s turned into a tree again, as El would put it. Another pang of guilt and misery runs through him, because he doesn’t want to be fucked up like that, fucked up enough for a child to call him a tree because he loses his reality a lot; but then the thought of being a tree almost feels so relieving it makes him want to cry.

Because trees don’t think about their friends dying. Killed. Murdered. By forces greater than this world’s imagination. Trees don’t watch the blood seeping from them over and over again until they lose their minds and go into shock that this world doesn’t support, instead tugging him back and forth until all there is is nothingness, because there is no time to think or feel or process, and once there is time, there is too much to even start. And no one to talk to about it. No one to listen.

If he could turn into a tree and never have a single thought again, he would without hesitation.

But he can’t, so he thinks, and the thinks until he falls asleep and the thoughts turn into memories morphed with fears until it’s Steve who kills them. Steve who fails. And Steve who does it over and over again. In the Upside Down, in Eddie’s trailer, at school, in Mike’s basement.

It’s Steve. Like it was Billy.

[…]

Walking on legs that haven’t quite accommodated to being upright yet, stiff and heavy in the dark of night, Steve makes his way through the forest, tumbling and stumbling, but never enough to make him stop. He’s heaving breaths now, willing the cold air into his lungs to stop everything from feeling so wrong, to break through the haze and the fog and the cotton, to pierce his insides with little pinpricks of ice as December is fast approaching. It only serves to make him more dizzy, his head spinning, glowing spots of black and white appearing in his field of vision until he leans against a tree, catching his breath and holding it.

Holding onto it with whimpers and wheezes and pathetic little groans that make him want to scream. He punches the tree, his hand numb with pain upon impact, his knuckles stiff and scraped up; bloody, even in the pitch black darkness.

Bloody. His hands are always bloody. It stains them, has seeped into his skin, like a reverse tattoo that only he can see. This, though… This is real. It’s his blood.

And so he punches again. And again, until his breath has evened out, and the pain has moved from his arm and his side over to his hand. Over to something real.

He flexes his fingers and watches them, can barely make out their shape, and focuses on the pull of his skin, the scrapes making it feel too tight — but in a real way. In a way that… he’s not going crazy. It’s real. It’s all real. And it’s burning, sizzling along with all of that anger, the grief, the confusion, the complete and utter fucking lostness. The loneliness.

Steve punches the tree one more time, then turns around to put more distance between him and familiar walls and stale air and worried glances so heavy they slowly scrape away the scar tissue growing over all those rawest of feelings.

He walks and walks without direction or destination, simply placing one foot in front of the other as his racing heart calms down and he is overcome with an absolute, all-consuming kind of exhaustion that makes him sway the very second he stops. His eyes are getting heavy, like his body is slowly coming to the realisation that his beside clock said 3:38 a.m. and that he hasn’t slept through the night for some days now, or maybe weeks, always awoken by nightmares — on days that he even dared to fall asleep.

No one should have to feel this kind of exhaustion, Steve thinks. Even after the Russians, after torture and fighting and more torture, followed by running and more running and almost dying in a car crash and then in a fire… Even after all that, he wasn’t as exhausted as he feels right now.

Probably because back then, he had Robin. Robin who would hold his hand, Robin who would share a glance with him and resuscitate everything that died inside of him with just one brave little smile.

God, she was so brave.

Steve leans against a tree, closing his eyes for just one second as he pictures Robin — alive and smiling and determined. Robin, in the passenger seat of his car at ass o’clock in the morning, grumpy and tired, leaning in to give him a hug hello and a hug goodbye. Robin, who would roll her eyes at his antics, his insecurities and his worries — Robin, who would explain hours later, her hand in his, that he had no reason to doubt or worry. That he was fine. That he was perfect. That everything else would slot into place soon and be perfect for him, too. Payback, she’d called it.

Payback, he thinks now as he heaves another breath, willing it through his constricted throat, and just barely keeping himself from screaming. Payback, because he failed. Payback, because he watched her die and nothing, nothing good will ever come out of that.

As much as he will try to save her, she will always have died. As much as he can try to keep her safe this time around, he will always have failed her.

That’s nothing he can take back. Ever. Nothing he can fix. Nothing he can make un-happen.

It’s the cruellest constant.

One that won’t leave him alone. One that won’t let him sleep at night, one that won’t leave his head even for a minute, flooding his consciousness with memories of blood and failure, weighing down his conscience until he can’t fucking breathe, and—

A sob escapes his throat even as he stumbles forward, continuing on his nonexistent path that feels a lot like running, fleeing from this new life, as though he could magically make his way back to the old one. Because they have died. They’re dead. He watched them. This new world won’t fix that. Won’t fix him. And he doesn’t deserve fixing anyway.

So he runs.

#steve harrington #stranger things #time travel steve #Robin who would share a glance with him and resuscitate everything that died inside of him with just one brave little smile #<- that sentence fucks and even i recognise that okay #and also the imagery of grief and trauma turning you into a tree. stagnant. not moving. but still alive. stood there right where you were #always always standing there. and wishing you weren’t fucked up enough to be likened to a tree #and as a reader pointed out: the duality of steve turning into a tree. and then letting out his anger and grief on a tree #but consequently on himself. in symbolic and literal ways #god isn’t this so fucked up?? isn’t this so messed up?#time travel au #DONT MIND ME i just wanna talk about him and all the symbolism i weave around him all day and all night #nobody could ever accuse me of downplaying platonic stobin in this story bc he is so. he’s so. Lost. without her. she’s all he thinks about #he talks to her still even if she won’t answer. he will not survive school with robin not knowing him. with robin hating him nonetheless

15 notes · View notes

sysig · 6 months

Photo

Only the cutest prettiest sparkliest aliens (Patreon)

Bonus comparison | 2023 | 2021

Oh no he’s been yasssified

#Doodles #SCII #Arilou #ZEX #YIK #Leftover SCII doodles! Remember how I left off on SCII at the end of September? That feels so long ago!#I had a few ancillary doodles left over ♪ A bit of Pirate Fic a bit of just general silliness :) Fun!#Outfit designing for the guest Arilou at the Captain's defense-planning table :D Cute!#I went looking for references of maritime naval uniforms for them as well but nothing in particular stood out to me :P A shame #So I mostly went with something comfortable and easy to move in :D And cute of course! The Arilou's shoes in their actual outfits are ♪ cute #They also give me Knifecat vibes lol - I guess I'll have to see how that holds up once I meet one for real #Looking forward to it for sure!#A couple of ZEXes - thinking around flintlock pistols! Again while I was rewatching Muppet Treasure Island lol #Gosh that feels like years ago now haha - but the scene where Silver leaves in the boat with the stolen treasure #I just like ZEX with weapons ♪ Doesn't intend to use them just puffing up to appear more deadly than he wants to have to act on #Always always paired with the knowledge of his history and where he stands with other humans - the blood on his hands! (Arms? Tentacles?)#But he wouldn't really want to hurt him <3 Would he even be able to? I guess it's mostly a matter of aim and fire #One arm around the barrel - ouch - and one squeezing the trigger #These weapons are not made with VUX in mind!#A Very pretty ZEX - there was an animation meme going around and my brain was Fighting me for who it would better suit #Between Scriabin and ZEX actually lol - normally it'd be an easy choice (which way??) but I was So in on SCII at that moment #It was the GOD meme - first of all so many gorgeous entries hhhh <3 <3 But they are honestly both kinda perfect for it??#ZEX wins this time ♪ Good for him #And rounding off with a YIK <3 <3 <3 #I don't remember if there was any inspiration for drawing her in a veil other than just - she pretty ♥ No thought just YIK 💖#She did end up super pretty :) I think veils would work well for VUX! Especially like jewel or gold embroidered ♪ All the decoration!#Oh and technically sort of one more - I had forgotten I'd made a similarly-posed doodle of ZEX a bit back lol #Interesting style evolution and Totally Nothing Else lol

9 notes · View notes

ozlices · 4 months

Text

my mom has repeatedly dismissed the idea that she has favorites between us, and yet earlier this year she literally admitted to my face that she's prioritized my abuser over me bc she's 'going through worse stuff'.

and constantly. fucking CONSTANTLY i have to hear abt my abuser, how much she's 'changed' and 'loves me' and 'wants a relationship with me' etc etc etc

and the most draining part of all of this is that i busted my ass for multiple fucking years to finally break the shackles off and get the fuck out of here, only for a selfish, heartless, absolutely piece of utter and complete shit to damn me back here.

and now, im stuck in this cycle again. where spending EIGHT HOURS on the phone trying to get my phone shit settled, and being at my absolute fucking limit bc on top of dealing w that crap, i had to listen to my abuser and her kids screaming at the top of their goddamn lungs for the past two days, and snapping to shut the fuck up,, gets me dealing w my mother holding a grudge w me.

bc 'oh let me have kids and then maybe ill understand' IT'S LIKE THIS EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME SHE'S OVER HERE. AND SHE WAS LIKE THIS BEFORE SHE FUCKING HAD KIDS. THE BRUNT OF MY ABUSER WAS LITERALLY BEING SCREAMED AT AND BERATED BY HER OVER STUPID SHIT.

/IM/ THE ASSHOLE FOR BEING INSISTENT THAT SHE HASNT CHANGED ?!?!? WHEN SHE LITERALLY HASNT FUCKING CHANGED!!!?!?!?!? SHE'S /WORSE/ NOW /BECAUSE/ SHE STILL HAD KIDS ANYWAY WHEN LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN HER LIFE WARNED HER NOT TO BC WE ALL KNEW SHE'D BE A SHITTY PARENT. AND WOW, HUGE SHOCKER, SHE IS!!!

i made the decision when i was VERY young, but also old enough to realize just how deep rooted my trauma runs & how much it affects my responses to stress & other shit, to not have human children bc i fucking KNEW. no matter how much i try to be a nice person, no matter how good my intentions try to be, i can be very nasty. i can be harsh. i can be snappy. i can be violent. i can be completely apathetic to how my actions affect other people when i'm angry enough.

i ACKNOWLEDGE that shit. i will be the first to admit when i probably went overboard, but i am so fucking sick of being put in a position where if i dont apologize for being fucking straight up verbally, emotionally, mentally, or even physically abused, & responding to that abuse like any fucking body would, ESPECIALLY a person who has existing trauma, im an asshole.

im so. fucking sick. of being alive. this year has broken me. it really, truly fucking has. i lost EVERYTHING. i dont even have a fucking doctor. i am back in the house all my trauma happened in, damned by someone i thought was my best friend who looked me dead in my eyes a month after my daughter died in my arms & told me damning me back to the house every traumatic thing ive ever gone to 'wasnt her problem'. & having to be put right back in the cycles i brutalized myself to get out of.

and the worst fucking part is that this year has left me in such shambles from stress, i physically cannot pick myself up anymore. my alters can't pick themselves up anymore. we are all so fucking burnt out, and it is so fucking draining to lie to ourselves that hope is worth it when we had it all stripped away from us repeatedly in such brutal ways. nonstop. i swear to the moon herself, i mean it when i say not one single day this entire year has been peaceful. has been free from some degree of pain, or straight up agony.

i am tired of beating myself up for being angry. i am tired of being berated by other people for being angry. FUCK all of that shit. this year, and the shitty people who refuse to fucking offer me the same empathy they DEMAND from me, have fucking destroyed me. and i DESERVE TO BE FUCKING PISSED OVER THAT SO I FUCKING WILL BE IM FUCKING PISSED FUCK THIS YEAR FUCK MY ABUSER FUCK HER GODDAMN DEFENDERS FUCK THE BITCH WHO DAMNED ME HERE FUCK MY ENTIRE LIFE IT'S NEVERENDING BULLSHIT AND IM TIRED OF ACTING LIKE ANYTHING THAT'S HAPPENED TO ME WAS OKAY OR THAT I HAVE TO BE OKAY WITH IT!! NONE OF IT WAS OKAY!! IM NOT FUCKING OKAY WITH IT!! NOBODY FUCKING WOULD BE!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

#mine #vent #abuse mention//#i had to get all this out im literally so fucking pissed #i went to get food after starving all day bc my abuser was here #and my mom stood in the kitchen doorway and glared at me for almost a full minute #and when i snapped 'what' she cursed me out. bc. u know.#i fucking snapped hearing my abuser SCREAMING for two days straight.#oh but if /i/ have a meltdown where /i/ scream and throw a ~tantrum~?#then it's 'grow the fuck up. ur so immature'.#my sister is fucking 30 years old. and has NEVER fucking honed in her anger. EVER.#but IM the immature one here. not the 30 y/o with TWO CHILDREN WHO NEVER LEARNED TO CONTROL HER ANGER #im so done.#i literally bend over backwards being everyone's goddamn therapist #& then get told im a piece of shit when i too have human emotions & reactions to TRAUMA.#im done! im done. im done.#yall want a fucking apathetic snippy selfish piece of shit i always get framed as for being fucking burnt out after being brutalized #every goddamn day & losing everything in a year? fine. im done being a therapist for fucking free & suffering in silence alone #fuck this shit

9 notes · View notes