#this originally had some dialogue to it but it would not make sense without a paragraph full of content and im too tired for that rn | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

aethelwyneleigh27 · 16 days

Text

Toothache

How does one go "You're Too Sweet For Me" to "My Baby's Sweet As Can Be"?

Synopsis: Simon Riley finds himself stuck in a situation, growing feelings for his roommate who's so annoyingly caring, domestic, sweet and too good for him. What happens when he let's himself indulge in the sweetness rather than cage himself in the bitter life he's been told is the only one he's deserving of and the only life he's known?

Apologies to this mess of a lyricfic, I couldn't help it even though this was supposed to be a relationship analysis..

MEN WRITTEN BY ANA HUANG ARE GONNA BE THE DEATH OF ME. Alright back to our original programmed schedule with Hozier. ALSO SURPRISE! THIS CONTAINS 3 HOZIER SONGS as an apology for not posting these past two weeks due to me enjoying holidays, reading, prom dress picking and wanting to stab myself because of life, there's the added bonus 👀

My CoD Masterlist

My Simon Riley x You Playlist

Also reader in this one had a lot of characterization, she's me fr, so AFAB?Reader, Fem!Reader, Short!Reader, Reader is VERY feminine with fashion, soft-girl-sunshine!Reader and Chubby?Reader. Y'all have no idea how hard it is to write without a personality and physical intimacy in romance, I tried but failed 😭

Warnings and Disclaimers: Mentions and details on sexual content ahead (is this considered smut? Idk anymore). Not detailed smut but vivid memories of sexual intercourse (especially the dialogue) with Simon. Again, this is a safe account for all ages because I'm not a MDNI acc, you are responsible for your own media consumption. DO NOT GO ON MY DMS, INBOX OR REPLY TO MY CONTENT TO TELL ME YOUR AGE. I don't need to know that and let's strive to not make each other uncomfortable. Mentions of questioning of religion or rather belief on afterlife??

Pink, bold and italic: Lyrics

Italic: recalling past events

Little snippet of an image of how I imagined he'd hold you, courtesy of the one and only @ave661

"It can't be said I'm an early bird, it's 10 o'clock before I say a word. Baby, I can never tell, how do you sleep so well?"

Simon Riley was never a man to live the life he was taught to in the military, it was out of habit for him to not leave his room until around noon. Then there was you, his roommate, he didn't exactly calculate how much it would affect his personal life to save money through rent by willingly letting someone within the same living space.

He'd find himself with not even a wink of sleep, hearing your footsteps through the thin walls, hearing the lock on the windows outside click open.

"You kept telling me to live right, to go to bed before the daylight. But then you wake up from the sunrise."

He'd always hear you, quite frankly it was like nagging on the constant.

"Simon you shouldn't do that, you'll hurt yourself"

"Simon please go get some rest"

"Simon.."

He'd swear he'd rip his own ears out every time his name falls from your lips from how sweet and chirpy it sounded and yet deafening silence would consume him whenever you aren't around.

"You don't gotta pretended, Baby, now and then. Don't you just wanna wake up dark as a lake? Smellin' lika bonfire, lost in the haze?"

Something about you makes it so tempting for Simon to give in, I mean it would be a one time thing, wouldn't it? So soft, so pliant, he set himself up for an addiction. It wasn't healthy, he knew this, he'd convince himself of the fact that he would end up hurting you.

Just too different, it repeated like a mantra in his head. He was bitter, brooding and didn't find any sense of pleasure in living. Why'd you think he has the job he chose? It's all he knew, till you skip your way into his life, giving him the sweetness he was deprived of.

"If you're drunk on life babe, I think it's great. But while in this world, I think I'll take my whiskey neat"

Drowning himself in alcohol, a trait Simon promised himself he wouldn't ever do when he was young, setting his glass down with a small thud from the wooden table. But what would the kid version of him know about life. He didn't have healthier options of coping with what seems to be his dilemma.

But then there you were, sweet little thing coming home at the late hour in that skimpy dress of yours. Revealing too much to the eyes of those who wish to have you for themselves with just one look. Where did you go that night?

"My coffee black in my bed at three, you're too sweet for me"

Desperately trying to keep himself awake and at bay from his thoughts of you. Drowning himself in now two cups of straight black coffee to help him focus.

It was odd, you got used to the scent, was strong with a lack of sweetness but it calmed you down knowing he was around.

How he'd corrupt you, he wanted to shatter that rose tinted glasses of yours to save you from himself because being with him would change you. Selfish but he doesn't want that, you were utter perfection..

Simon further delved into his feelings, what the fuck was wrong with him?

"I aim low. I aim true, and the ground's where I go. I work late where I'm free from the phone and the job gets done"

Grumbling, Simon walks back into the apartment in the middle of the night. You heard a thud, you come out of your bedroom, yawing from you incomplete sleep.

"Si..? Are you hurt? What happened?" You asked in a soft tone, careful not to agitate someone would could possibly be pissed off.

Simon stays silent, glaring at you as his eyes was only thing visible because of his balaclava. Your soft gaze intimidated him, because why would he feel that squeeze in his heart?

"But you worry some, I know but who wants to live forever, babe? You treat your mouth as if it's Heaven's gate. The rest of you like you're the TSA, I wish I could go along Babe, don't get me wrong..."

The only thing Simon heard was a sigh from you and nothing more, you walk up to him, each footstep feeling louder than that last.

Something Simon didn't expect you to do was wrap you arms around his waist, tiny thing you are that your head only goes up to his chest. Your body against his, basking in the warmth in contrast to the cold weather he had to deal with coming home.

"You know you're bright as the morning, as soft as the rain, pretty as a vine, as sweet as a grape. If you can sit in a barrel maybe I'll wait, until that day.."

You took care of him that night, to his reluctance and stubbornness. Despite refusing, he had no choice, he wouldn't want a soft thing like you on his ear the whole night till he agrees. You were persuasive in your own irritating way.

Sitting on the edge of the tub of the warm bath he's in, washcloth in hand. Touch was so gentle, why was it so soft? Why's it so warm? "It's the water you fucking idiot" his subconscious screaming at him. In denial.

Why is his heart beating so fast..? He wants to stab it to stop the feeling..

"I'd rather take my whiskey neat, my coffee black and my bed at three. You're too sweet for me"

Using both your hands this time around, one gently holding his chin with your fingers while the other wiping away at the eyeblack he had. Every scar on his face felt the graze of your finger.

The slow blinks, your eyes on his. Before any conscious thoughts consume Simon, he lifts his arms from the warm water and wraps them around you.

Your nightgown was now damp but you couldn't care less, now with the man you were pinning over, foreheads against the other.

"Si.." you softly whisper. That nickname will be the death of him, you'll be the death of him. He crashes his lips on yours, not wanting to let go till you both were panting. You were too fucking sweet, your lips, your skin, everything. He wanted a taste and he got it...

"My lover's got humor, she's the giggle at a funeral. Knows everybody's disapproval, I should've worshiped her sooner"

Another sleepless night wasn't uncommon for someone like Simon.. however this aching feeling wasn't, he doesn't know where it's from or what it's about. Not until he heard you in the kitchen, letting out a giggle even though you knew better.

"If the Heavens ever did speak, She's the last true mouthpiece. Every Sunday's getting more bleak. A fresh poison each week "We were born sick"

That sweet fucking voice, like the angels speaking to him themselves. "Oh- I'm sorry Si, did I wake you up?" You asked, turning around to the sound of his footsteps.

That tiny nightdress of yours, a reminder of the night you spent together, that morning you slept in his bed.

Lashes beautifully displayed on the delicate skin of your under eyes. Soft noises while your chest was peacefully moving up and down with every breath.

"She tells me, "Worship in the bedroom". The only Heaven I'll be sent to, is when I'm alone with you I was born sick, but I love it Command me to be well. A, Amen, Amen, Amen"

"Simon.. Ahh~" you moan out softly, your body writhing underneath him. It felt hot, sweaty despite the well ventilated room, so intimate from something that was supposed to be the farthest thing from domestic.

"Shhh, you can take it sunshine.. You don't want the neighbors to hear us, do you?" Simon whispers, callous hand covering your mouth with as little pressure possible, you whimper at his words.

Closing your eyes to lose yourself in the pleasure you've never felt before. Your body being worshiped with gentle hands and soft kisses that leave marks by the very same man who kept distancing himself from you, now he'd stop at nothing for your pleasure.

"Take me to church, I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies. I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife, offer me that deathless death. Good God, let me give you my life."

"Simon.. no more–" you whined. Scratching his back hard enough to leave marks without being aware, he'd always imagine what those pretty pink nails could do to him.

"Just one more, please sunshine.. you remember our safe word right?" Simon asks for you to nod softly, you didn't have energy to take anymore. "I told you I'll make you feel good, didn't I? So be a good girl for me and take it, hmm?"

Your eyes roll back at his praise, your legs shake with one after another wave of pleasure running through your body. This man was starved.. insatiable.. who would be able to resist such a request? Not you.

"If I'm a pagan of the good times, my lover's the sunlight to keep the Goddess on my side. She demands a sacrifice, drain the whole sea, get something shiny"

It took everything in Simon not to worship the ground you walked on that night, he wasn't trying very hard, was he? Because always.. at the end of the night, you're in his bed, his mind, his life.

Was it really a sin? To want something you don't deserve? Simon stayed up that whole night, not a wink of sleep while thinking of whether this arrangement should continue. Every bone and organ in his body telling him to be selfish, take what was something that wasn't his to take.

"Something meaty for the main course, that's a fine looking high horse. What you got in the stable? We've a lot of starving faithful that looks tasty, that looks plenty, this is hungry work"

Simon's gaze, never faltering on your sleeping figure that he refuses to go anywhere but his own arms. He tries to close his eye to compose himself, free himself from the emotions you emit from him.

His efforts were to no use, all he saw was the image of you, sweetly smiling, those doe eye staring right through his soul.

"No masters or kings when the ritual begins. There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin In the madness, in the soil of that sad earthly scene. Only then I am human, only then I am clean"

You were getting too close for your own good, Simon knew that, he'll be damned if he let's himself hurt you. So he does what any stupid man would do, avoid you like the plague. Did it mean nothing? Were you just some fling, never to be talked about again?

Fuck you Simon Riley, he made you feel loved in bed like no man ever has or ever will, completely ruining your chance of ever thinking of anything else and that was just a hook-up session? Maybe this one time you can let yourself be delusional, was there really something more? Only one way to find out.

"Oh, oh, Amen, Amen, Amen, Take me to church, I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies. I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife, offer me that deathless death. Good God, let me give you my life"

You caught him, fucking finally, after days of waiting and trying to get him at the perfect time. "Si.." you whispered softly, you didn't know where to start. He took a quick glance at you before looking back at what he was doing.

"Simon Riley, don't fucking ignore me. Not after everything that happened those nights" You said, it was stern but he needed to hear it. It made him stop, think about what had happened.

Before he could generate a response, "Why?" You asked. It was a vague question, why was he ignoring you? Why does he feel this way? Why does he love you yet refuse to act on it?

"Take me to church, I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies. I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife, offer me that deathless death. Good God, let me give you my life.."

"You don't deserve a man like me, you deserve one who is like you, optimistic, sweet, fucking beautiful and alive.. A man who's not damaged, scarred, has blood on his hands and haunted by his past. A man who's not afraid to show his love for you. A man who won't put his burdens on your shoulders and a man who will take care of you instead of the other way around. That's what you deserve and I can't give that"

Everything felt like it came to a stop, were you hearing that right?

"You have no idea how much you contradict yourself, Si. How are you so sure that you haven't given those things to me already? You might not be like me but "like me" isn't what I want.. I want you, every flaw, every beautiful scar. Not once before your silent treatment have you hurt me, it's frustrating yes, but you are worthy of that. Every struggle, frustration and mistake, every bit of your love is worth all of that. I want you to see that Si, your actual true worth rather than what some psychotic fucker decided to torture you with"

"Boys, workin' on empty. Is that the kinda way to face the burning heat? I just think about my baby, I'm so full of love I could barely eat"

"Si?"

"Yes, Sunshine?"

"I love you" You whispered after smothering him in a plethora of kisses. Never has anything made Simon melt more in his life than his wife say that. Doesn't matter how long it's been, how much the both of you have been through or how much frustration the both of you were going through..

It will always stay the same, the feeling those three words give him, like the first time, every moment feels that way. Familiar, finally.. Home.

"There's nothing sweeter than my baby I'd never want once from the cherry tree. 'Cause my baby's sweet as can be, she give me toothaches just from kissin' me"

He always thought about how unfaithfulness was such a struggle between some people, he thought about how good he has it constantly, reflecting back on what he used to have to how now this is something he never thought he'd have or deserve.

"When my time comes around, lay me gently in the cold, dark earth. No grave can hold my body down, I'll crawl home to her"

When a man finds himself in the verge of embracing death's arms, what causes the struggle? What causes him to fight that pain, to keep on going? Not once has this crossed Ghost's mind.

No. He's not Ghost, he's Simon. Your Simon.

And you're expecting your Simon home, fuck everything else, he'll give the biggest "fuck you" to death itself and crawl home to you because he'll be damned and he'll experience everything he has in his life over and over again just to hold you again.

"Boys, when my baby found me I was three days on a drunken sin, I woke with her walls around me. Nothin' in her room but an empty crib and I was burnin' up a fever I didn't care much how long I lived, but I swear I thought I dreamed her. She never asked me once about the wrong I did."

It should matter, the amount of blood on his hands. Not once did you judge him for it, what the fuck was wrong with you? Giving a monster such as him a bath like he was some innocent stray kitten, although this time around it was far more messy. The dried blood caked underneath his finger nails.

Flashing him a tired smile while you wiped off the blood that made the water in the tub a hue of brownish-red. Taking your hand in his, his lips brushing against your knuckles. The way you looked at him was enough to make him cry.

"When my time comes around, lay me gently in the cold, dark earth. No grave can hold my body down, I'll crawl home to her"

"Fucking get up" Simon repeats to himself, "She needs you, she loves you" despite how many times he's convinced himself you didn't due to the voice of his father in his head, it felt like a knife twisting in his heart imagining how it would be for you without him.

How much you cried the night he came home a day later, you told him yourself, practically sobbing while clutching your aching chest and him with your other arm how you weren't ready for Price to show up at your doorsteps holding Simon's belongings.

He won't let that happen.. he can't...

"My babe would never fret none, about what my hands and my body done. If the Lord don't forgive me, I'd still have my baby and my babe would have me"

Simon knew it, no one would ever love him like you do. No one would show him the same acceptance, devotion, care, concern and love. It wasn't healthy to be so attached dependently to someone in love.

He couldn't help it, it felt so right, everything with you did. Never a judgmental one, at least towards him. Always first to hold him, the first to ever take away the heavy guilt that weighed his heart and shoulders down after he'd done something he knows he'll go to hell for, if it's even real

"When I was kissing on my baby and she put her love down soft and sweet In the low lamplight I was free. Heaven and hell were words to me"

Every inch was kissed, not a part wasn't worshiped. "So fuckin' beautiful, so sweet. All for me, hmm?" Simon mumbled against your skin, suckling on the soft sweetness that he so claims. All hickeys, no bruises.

Fuck, he'd not just survive but thrive on just you. No other sustenance, your supple thighs he adores to cover in purple, your neck, your lips and your skin that he often compares to sugar syrup in his head.

"When my time comes around, lay me gently in the cold, dark earth. No grave can hold my body down I'll crawl home to her"

The question was, was it worth it to live an eternity of lifetimes filled with suffer to be with you in at least once? The only answer to ever graze Simon Riley's lips was the word "yes", the day that changes is the day that he'd be the biggest bull-shiter the world has ever known.

Simon opened the door to your shared home, "Daddy!" A loud squeal wakes him up from his dread of what he's seen on the field.

"How's my little sunshine been? 'Ave you been good to your momma while I was gone?" Simon asked, carrying the little girl in his arms.

"Yes! Momma said we'd go to the park tomorrow as a reward for me helping out!" Little one saying it so proudly, Simon couldn't help but smile, beaming with pride as his little girl grows up to be what he recognizes as a good person.

"Simon..? You're finally home, I missed you so much" You said, peeking out the laundry room. You walked out, quick to give him a peck on the lips.

"I love you Si.."

"I love you too Sunshine"

Also this is a very long fic.. I expect long feedback.. @connorsui 👀

Does this make sense? Idk anymore it's like almost midnight and I'm running on a few hours of sleep. GOD MY PROM DRESS LOOKS SO GOOD, I CAN'T WAIT.

Taglist: @wishesforyou @puff0o0 @simping4konig @simp4konig @blingblong55 @azereus @rustic-guitar-notes @shadofireshinobi @thelightdjinnofpalestine @09maruchan @anonymuslydumb @skeletalgoats @icarustypicalfall @ghosts-cyphera @fawnchives @connorsui @capuccino192 @miss-gms-and-the-rotten-womb @celestialhole @the-second-sage @starryylies @everlastingmoonlightsworld @keiva1000 @iexiam @drewsmusee @konigceo

Trying out new dividers as well by @anitalenia

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inkskinned · 2 years

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it's the levels of scrutiny too.

a movie that has a largely-female cast has to be well-written, well-shot, well-acted, well-advertised. people will spend 2 hours on youtube talking about a single plot hole; about a moment of bad pacing, about a singular background character's poor scripting. if there isn't something obvious, they will say - well there's nothing specifically bad, but it wasn't specifically good either.

they will turn out another all-male movie, and it's just a movie.

a book that has queer representation in it has to defy every convention of writing while also being true to traditional plot, structure, format, and pacing. it must have no boring chapters, no missteps, no awkward dialogue. it must be able to "prove" that any queer relationship "makes sense", their sparks must fly off the page and their love must be eternal. the writing must be clear and beautiful, the storyline original and fresh, the values traditional but with an undercurrent that is modern and saucy.

they will turn out another book without queer rep, where a man and woman just-fall-in-love, and it's just a book.

i am latinx. i am queer. i am nb & neurodivergent. my father said to me once: you will need to be exceptional to be just-as-good, and you will need to be beyond exceptional before they see you as just-a-person, and not your labels.

i am not beyond exceptional. i am a human person. i am skilled because i worked my ass off to be skilled.

i am currently reading a book that's so-bad-it's-good about a girl that falls in love with a vampire. i was 64% of the way through the book before she figures out tall-dark-fanged is not natural. i like books like these, i like letting myself relax while i just enjoy the read. but i do spend a lot of time wondering - would this have been published if it was about queer people? would this have gotten past the editors if the characters weren't white and sexy?

i want to write a movie about being a woman in a male space, and i want to start that movie with a 10 minute scene where the woman is lectured with the exact same whining that occurs in the youtube comments of even the trailers for those movies: "haven't we had enough diversity?" "we've had enough girl power movies" "sorry, this is just pandering. it's boring."

here's what's fucked up: it shouldn't matter, you're right. my identity shouldn't fold after my name like a battalion of stars: a cry of what i've gone through. what we all know i had to move past and through. i should just be a writer, plain and simple, without my work being shifted through with tweezers - i know everything i make, always, i am incredibly responsible for. beholden to. i don't like knowing that if i fuck up, i am also fucking up for every person like me. every person in a community i belong to.

once, back in undergrad, i wrote a short story about a girl who had been kicked by a horse. it was my first time writing about my experience with my ocd; i felt proud of it. the story was mostly about grief and slow recovery. the queerness of the main character was not important to the plot, my main character was just-queer. there wasn't even a romantic interest in it.

i remember one of my classmates being disappointed. "i just feel like you always write about girls who like girls, and i'm bored of it," he said. "you're a beautiful writer, but i'm like - oh, at some point, it's gonna be gay again." during the workshop, he folded his hands over my story and said, "and okay, i'm just going to say it. she's ocd, she's gay, she's depressed - it's a little much for me to believe is all happening to one person."

it is a little much to be that person (and more besides). i have therapy weekly, after all.

over and over, belonging to exception.

#spilled ink #poetry #prose #warm up #idk what this is #maybe more of a confession #btw the book is called crave it's OKAY #it's very straight #main character keeps being like totally okay with situations where dude is DEF #being a stalker villian #she's known him for a WEEK and shes like #'hes all that matters'#girlfriend ur parents only died a MONTH ago #there's a lot about timing in that book im like .... did this author ever have any #actually bad experiences #like main character being like ''i shouldn't cry over them it's pathetic'' a mONTH after her parents die #btw this isn't bc she's in denial/suffering/etc it's bad writing #the narrative is instead like #'' .... bc the author doesn't want to remember to discuss it''#she forgets she has a sprained ankle a lot #tbh im THIS close to saying ''fuck good writing''#and writing my OWN stupid supernatural school YA romance #and YES!!!!! IT WOULD INDEED BE GAY #''oh this school? we're all... different here....bc... of the witches??oh . i mean yeah but no actually we just really believe in a diverse

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cinnamostar · 5 months

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02: self-fulfilling prophecy

part one.

pairing : jisung x gn!reader

summary : han jisung, the man who is incapable of maintaining a relationship for more than a few months. han jisung, the man who is in complete denial that maybe he is the problem. han jisung, the man who has convinced himself he isn’t meant for love.

wc : 4.6k

cw : not proof read, nonidol!au, angsty, sad, discusses insecurities in romance, sappiness, very dialogue heavy

a/n : if you haven't read part one, pls do! i hope you guys enjoy part two :') i didn't have a p2 planned when i originally wrote this, so i hope this is still good and an ending you guys will be happy with! <3 as always feedback is appreciated

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Tears rolled down your cheeks as you exited Jisung’s apartment building, your body on the verge of collapsing as your emotions choked your breathing, your heart feeling as if it had just fallen and shattered inside your chest. Each breath you took caused the emotional pressure on your chest to hurt more, feeling as if your airways had been constricted by your own agony.

The dreary, rainy weather matched your mood as your legs carried you into the direction of Minho’s apartment, knowing it was the only place close enough for you to walk to at this time of night. The rain began to strengthen, the drops attacking your skin as your hair and clothes soaked it all up, a cold wind causing your body to shiver as you stumbled up the steps to Minho’s apartment. Your fists hurriedly knocked against the door, hoping Minho would somehow be able to sense the urgency behind it as your lips trembled in a poor attempt to stifle your cries.

Minho opened his door, his eyes widened at the sight of your distressed face, grabbing your hand and pulling you inside his home without a second thought, “Y/N? What happened? Are you okay?”

You tried to respond, but all that came out of your mouth was a gut wrenching sob, your body finally deciding to give up on maintaining appearances as you conceded to the stabbing pain your heart just suffered.

Minho stood there with panic rising in his body as he tried to piece together what could’ve left you in this state, unsure on how to comfort you in this moment. “Hey, it’s okay now, I’m here. Why don’t you take a shower and I’ll let you borrow some clothes? I’ll make you some tea in the meantime and then we can talk.”

You nodded thankfully at Minho, sniffling as he led you to the bathroom, handing you a bag to place your drenched clothes in, as well as a neatly folded pile of fresh clothes and a towel.

You entered the shower, letting the water warm your shivering body that had just been brutalized by the cold rain. Your tense muscles slowly began to relax under the heat of the water, giving you a much needed respite from the weight of your emotions. Despite the momentary calm the shower gave you, tears still escaped your eyes, blending in with the water that cascaded from the showerhead.

After drying yourself and changing into the clothes Minho had given you, you found him sitting at the kitchen table with two mugs of tea waiting to be drunk. He smiled when he noticed you approaching, almost relieved to see how significantly calmer you had looked. As you sat down, he slid one of the mugs towards you, motioning for you to take a drink.

“Did the shower help?”

You brought the mug to your face, blowing it gently to cool it down while nodding, “It did, thank you,” tears still pricking the corners of your eyes.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

You placed the mug down on the table, taking in a sharp inhale as your chest tightened at his question as you recalled Jisung’s words, tears, once again, making their presence known. You did your best to get through your words, but your quivering voice revealed the hurt you were experiencing, “Well, I was with Jisung before I came…”

You squeezed your eyes shut in a feeble attempt to hold back a sob, “And I thought everything was fine, but out of nowhere,” you tried to rush through your sentence, but the overwhelming anguish you were feeling took control as you began to bawl.

Minho instinctively reached for your hand that was resting on the table, rubbing his thumb on your hand to soothe you, “Take your time, we have all night if you need, okay?”

Taking a few more moments to collect yourself, you continued on, “Out of nowhere, he told me he didn't think we were going to work and I… I don’t know, I just left. I feel so stupid right now,” you cried, your eyes puffing up from all the tears you were shedding.

Minho remained quiet for a moment, confused at his best friend’s actions while trying to find the right words, “Did he say why?”

You sighed while shaking your head, feeling guilty that you had let your panicked mind take control of you in that moment, “N-no, I didn’t even give him the chance, I just… Left… I don’t know, I just didn’t want to hear it. It was only going to make me feel worse and it just felt like he led me on, like all the rumors were true,” you weeped, “I should’ve listened to Hyunjin and Seungmin.”

“I’m sorry Y/N, it must’ve been a lot to take in at once,” he spoke softly, still leaving a comforting hand atop of yours, “But I don’t think you’re stupid, there’s nothing wrong with taking a chance at love.”

“I don’t know, I’m just really sad right now.”

“That’s okay, you’re allowed to be. Is there anything I can do that would help you? Do you want me to call anyone over? Get you something to eat?”

You sniffled, nodding your head, “Could you see if Hyunjin and Seungmin can come over? But please tell them what happened, I don’t wanna say it again.”

“Of course, I’ll do that right now.”

“And can you check on Jisung? He was… he was crying a lot when I left. I want to make sure he’s okay too.”

Minho smiled, “Okay, I’ll have the boys come over and then I’ll head over to his place once they get here. Sounds good?”

You nodded, feeling grateful for Minho’s kindness and patience, but also relieved to know that Jisung would have someone to talk to soon enough.

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Minho lightly knocked on the door of Jisung’s apartment, anxiously waiting for the younger boy to open the door, his phone in hand ready to call if he took too long. From the other side of the door, he could hear hurried footsteps scramble towards the door as Jisung swung the door open, his face red and swollen from crying.

Jisung’s eyes widened in surprise and confusion, the hope he had in his eyes disappearing, “Minho? What are you doing here? I thought you were Y/N-”

“That’s why I’m here.”

“Huh?”

“They showed up to my place crying and told me what happened.”

“Oh,” Jisung’s face fell into a somber expression as he tried to stammer out an explanation, “Look, listen, please don’t be mad-”

Minho shook his head, letting himself in and gestured to Jisung to follow him in as he sat on the couch, “I’m not mad, I’m worried.”

Jisung gulped, unsure where this conversation was leading as he sat next to Minho, his brain exhausted from the millions of emotions he had been flipping through.

“Jisung, I thought you loved Y/N-”

“I do! I really do, I love them more than anything and anyone, I know that for a fact,” he sighed heavily as he felt his heart tremble in his chest, the pit of guilt growing deeper and deeper, “But I’m scared, I’m really scared.”

Minho let out a deep breath as he ran his hands through his hair, perplexed at his best friend’s words, “Of what exactly?”

“Of hurting them! Of not meeting their expectations, failing them, all of it. I’ve never been a good partner in the past, everyone knows this,” he muttered out each word with shame, “And I just didn’t want to ruin their image of me, I didn’t want to risk hurting them like I’ve done to everyone else… They’d be much happier if we were just friends.”

Jisung tried to blink away his tears, struggling to put in everything he was thinking into a coherent string of words as he nervously scanned Minho’s face, trying to figure out what the older boy was feeling.

“Okay, I can see where you’re coming from, but didn’t you just hurt them anyway? Didn’t you just do the opposite of what you wanted to?”

Jisung stood silent for a moment, not being able to deny any of Minho’s words, “Well, yes, but it was for the best. It’s better to end it now than later because it would hurt more then, right? I would rather hurt them like this than fail them as a partner.”

“I say this with all the love in the world, but Jisung, you’re being an idiot.”

The two stared at each other, waiting for one to make a move. On one end, Minho was hoping Jisung would be able to realize the stupidity in his behavior, while on the other, Jisung was completely dumbfounded and awaited Minho to further explain himself.

Realizing Jisung was too wrapped up in his own thoughts, Minho continued on, “Jisung, look. Everyone knows how much you love Y/N, okay? It’s so obnoxiously obvious, plus I’ve never seen you be so caring and attentive to anyone before. Clearly, they hold a special place in your heart, right?”

Jisung nodded timidly, letting out a small hum in agreement as that was all he could manage while he silently wept.

“It’s okay to be afraid, especially with what you’re struggling with, but just because you’re afraid doesn’t give you the right to make that decision for Y/N,” Minho leaned forward as he looked into Jisung’s eyes as he tried to convey the importance of his message, “Did you even think to consider how Y/N would feel? They know about your past, Jisung. Even Hyunjin warned them about you, but you know what? They still took that risk with you, and you were quickly proving them wrong before now.”

Minho sighed once more, “Jisung, it’s okay to be afraid, but you cannot make every decision so selfishly when there are other people involved. Y/N isn’t dumb, but they like you and want to take that chance with you. They like you despite your insecurities and flaws. You should’ve told them how you were feeling, but most importantly, they’re allowed to make their own choices. Let them choose to love you, don’t take that away from them.”

Wiping his tears away with his hands, Jisung jutted out his bottom lip in a pout as he sniffled, “They… they probably hate me now, I think it’s best I leave them alone.”

Minho rolled his eyes as he got up from the couch, still looking at Jisung, “Jisung, why don’t you stop assuming things for other people and find out from them directly?”

“But-”

“Y/N told me to check on you because they were worried. Just talk to them. If you truly love them, you’ll talk to them.”

With hands in his pockets, Minho made his way to the front door, “I have to go home, but you better talk to them. I’ll be really disappointed in you if you don’t.”

After Minho’s sentence, all that followed was the sound of the door shutting and the soft cries of Jisung, who was being eaten up by both guilt and anxiety, fearing how angry his friends must be at him. Part of him felt relieved that Minho was the first person he spoke to as his words brought him some sort of comfort, yet the overwhelming remorse and humiliation roared loudly in his mind.

Doubt and confusion lingered in him as he processed Minho’s words, unsure if you’d even be willing to talk to him after this. In his world, he thought after the hurt he had just inflicted on you, he was even less deserving of you. His irrational behavior and his instinct to react based on his fears and insecurities served as more proof that he was not fit for a relationship, that you were better off with someone who had a better grasp of who they were and what they wanted.

Yet, while he thought what he was doing was for your benefit, he hadn’t considered once how you’d feel and how this would impact you, especially considering how you both were practically acting like a couple at this point. Especially after he told you he needed more time, but then completely flipped that on its head and left you out in the cold with no real explanation. Minho was right, he was only thinking of himself, this wasn’t him being merciful and saving you from him, this was entirely him avoiding to confront himself. He was fleeing his own vulnerability and masked under some sort of self-righteous sacrifice for you. Much like in the past, he allowed his own selfishness to blind him from reality of his emotions and actions, but at least he was somewhat aware of it.

While Jisung cannot find it in him to forgive himself, he wondered and hoped whether you would, whether you’d look past his mistakes once more and accept him for who he was. He prayed silently that you’d still give him the chance he so desperately craved, yet so foolishly pushed away in the name of fear, wishing you’d still choose him when he didn’t know how to do that himself. Maybe what he needed all along was your neverending affection to finally learn how to love the parts of himself he hated, maybe he needed your gentle hand to guide him through love, maybe he should’ve trusted you while he learned to trust himself again. Just maybe, he would be able to learn what love was truly about if he had just listened to his heart, not his own negative self-hating mind.

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Meanwhile, an extremely rageful Hyunjin and Seungmin sat with you on Minho’s couch as they tried to comfort you in sweet, hushed voices, doing their absolute best to keep their anger to themselves. Hyunjin held you in a tight hug as you cried into his chest, his chin resting on top of your head as a comforting hand rubbed your back in gentle circles. Despite the kindness of his actions, his face was a stark contrast as a scowl painted over his features, mentally cursing at himself for letting you get involved with Jisung and not doing a better job at deterring you from it.

Seungmin, on the other hand, was holding back as he bit his tongue, keeping any thought he had to himself because he knew if he opened his mouth, a fountain of expletives would pour out. He knew the last thing you needed right now was him speaking poorly of Jisung, even though he thought he deserved every angry world he had in his arsenal right now.

Through gritted teeth, Hyunjin softly mumbled, “I’m sorry, Y/N, this isn’t fair to you. You deserve better than that.”

Hiccuping, you whispered, “But I don't want anyone else, I still want him even if he’s being a stupid idiot.”

“Well, he made his choices. A bad one, but all you can do is move forward from it,” he sighed, silently communicating with Seungmin through indignant looks.

All Seungmin could do was hum in agreement, not trusting himself enough to keep his thoughts to himself as he cracked his fingers in frustration, thinking about how he was going to rip Jisung a new one the next time he saw him.

The front door clicked open, signaling that Minho had gotten back which caused you to sit up from Hyunjin’s embrace as you looked at Minho, tears staining your cheeks. The sight of your face had only made the flames of anger flicker more, serving as the perfect fuel for his seething body.

“Before you ask, yes, he’s okay,” Minho ressaured you as he made his way to the living room, shooting both Seungmin and Hyunjin a warning look as the two boys quickly hid their vexed expressions from you. You gave Minho a grateful smile as you, for the nth time that night, wiped your tears away.

“I talked to him too, he’s probably going to message you sometime tomorrow to talk things over if you’re open to that.”

You were about to respond, but Seungmin spoke before you could, “Is that a good idea?”

Minho glared at him, “Seungmin, think before you speak.”

Seungmin shrugged, choosing to look down at his phone, but then Hyunjin added, “I mean, he isn’t wrong… I think Y/N should have some time to process their feelings at the very least.”

“Are you Y/N?”

Both Hyunjin and Seungmin shook their heads nervously knowing they’ve upset the older boy, “Then that isn’t your decision to make. Let Y/N do what they feel is best. We all know how you guys feel about it, so please don’t make this any more difficult for them than it already is.”

The two boys muttered a quick apology to you, not wanting to add any more stress to your current situation, but you knew they only had your best interest in mind and wanted to protect you from any more hurt.

“It’s okay, thank you for caring for me, but I’d like to talk to him,” you said gently, giving the two boys a reassuring smile, “I’ll be okay, I can hold my ground.”

Seungmin sighed, “Whatever, just say the word and I’ll beat the shit out of him if it doesn’t go well.”

“I’ll verbally beat him,” Hyunjin added, causing you to giggle at the seriousness of their tones since you could never imagine them physically harming any living being.And, as if on cue, your phone vibrated, lighting up with the message:

hi, im sorry about earlier. can we talk tomorrow?

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Across from you sat a nervous Jisung, who was fidgeting since the moment he entered your apartment, his fingers tapping the table anxiously as he struggled to find the words, not knowing if there was anything he could say to truly convey how sorry he was. You stared at him from his seat, arms crossed with an expectant - yet patient - look on your face. Ten minutes had gone by since he had arrived, and not a single exchange of words had been made, and you were growing tired of it.

“Jisung, please say something.”

The boy froze his seat, his body tensing, not expecting you to say anything to him, “I-...” he paused for a moment, taking a shaky breath in, “I just do not think there are enough words in the world to express to you how sorry I am and how ashamed of myself I am.”

Tears began to well up in his eyes, his legs once again bouncing as he tried to get the words out, “It’s just a lot for me, I don’t know. I know my feelings for you are like nothing I’ve ever felt before, I know that I want to be with you more than anything in my heart, but…” he sighed heavily, running a hand through his soft locks, “I’m really scared,” he whispered so softly, you barely caught it.

It was your turn for your eyes to water, your heart taking a hit as your eyebrows furrowed sympathetically at Jisung’s words. Although you can recognize his fears and could only guess where he was coming from, it didn’t take away from the pain he caused you and how much it affected your trust in him.

“Could you explain to me what you’re scared of? I want to understand.”

The concern etched on your face and the genuinity behind your eyes makes Jisung fall in love with you all over again, seemingly making him melt under your gaze as his heart swells. But just as quickly as the affection rushed into his heart, also came the insecurity and negative thoughts that endlessly reminded him how undeserving he was of someone so considerate and selfless.

Jisung shook the thought out his head, reminding himself of what Minho had told him the day before, “I’m scared that I’ll hurt you. I have… well, you know, I’ve hurt my previous partners in the past and I’m terrified I’ll do the same to you,” he murmured, guilt lacing each word, “I’d hate to do the same thing to you, I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself and even now I don’t know if I can.”

Part of you felt relieved to hear those words from Jisung, now knowing his reasonings were not due to a lack or loss of feelings, or did it have anything to do with your looks or his attraction to you, but rather he was battling his own bouts of insecurities. The other part of you felt guilty for assuming the worst in Jisung and not giving him a chance to explain himself initially, you felt terrible for thinking he was only having fun with you and leading on. The expression on his face told you everything you needed to know about him, and that was him being sincere with every word he spoke. He truly did care for you, he wanted the best for you, and was genuinely struggling with his own complex emotions.

“Jisung, it’s okay to be afraid. Trust me, I am too. I know about your past, even way before I even met Minho or you, but the person I’ve come to know is nothing like that. You’ve changed in the best way possible, I fell and still am falling in love with you everyday.”

Jisung’s eyes widened in shock when he heard your words. All his mind could focus on was how you heard about him way before you joined the team, you knew about every horrific thing said about him when you two first met, yet… You didn’t treat him any differently like others had, you gave him a chance to fully know the kind of person people thought of him as, you still… fell in love with him? Wait, did he hear that right? You love him too? Love?

How could it be possible, how could someone like you possibly love someone like him? How did you manage to see past all his ugly personality traits and still managed to fall in love with him? Oh, no. Did he trick you? Had he accidentally fooled you into thinking he was a better person than he actually was ever capable of being? Oh my, Jisung’s brain was short-circuiting as he started to panic, losing any sense of rationality he had.

Your warm hand resting on top of his caused him to break out of his stupor, his wide eyes softening around the edges at your loving expression and oh, how much he adored seeing himself in the reflection of your eyes filled with affection, a sight he swore he could die in.

“Talk to me, Jisung. Tell me what you’re thinking. I’m here for you, I won’t leave your side as long as you let me listen.”

“I… You’ve heard about me before you even met me?”

You laughed, “Yes, I did. Honestly, I thought you were a real asshole, but I’m glad I gave you a chance anyway. I don’t regret meeting you for a moment.”

His mouth fell open, still processing each word, “Even after I hurt you?”

“Well, I know now you meant no harm. This is hard for you, I can understand that. I also understand being afraid. What you did hurt me, but I love and care for you too much to let that ruin something between us so long you give us the chance too.”

Each word you spoke was as if a love spell was being casted on him, bewitching him completely as his heart began to pound faster, butterflies warming up the pit of shame he had been carrying with him this whole time. Your words enveloped him into a gentle embrace, so tactful and ginger with his soul, so perfectly chosen that it felt like you were healing cracks in his heart he didn’t even know existed. Oh, how could he have ever been so stupid to push away love so saccharine and addicting? He never knew love was truly like, but now he didn’t want to ever let it go, he wanted to relish under his warmth as long as he possibly could.

“Really? Do you really mean it?” Of course he knew the answer to that already. Just one look into your eyes, and he could see that you were offering him every part of you and a lifetime of love, and he’d be a fool to ever doubt you.

“I do. I mean it with everything in me.”

Your honey-coated words left him in a blushing mess, nervousness still present in his body, but all for a much different reason. Your sincerity excited him, yet it also filled him with anxiety, the fear of disappointing you looming over him, convinced he had tricked you into falling for a false image of him.

“But… What if I hurt you again? What if I disappoint you? What if I turn out to be as bad as everyone said? I’m not as good as you think I am, Y/N, really I-”

“Jisung.”

He stopped in his tracks, biting the inside of his cheek as he felt your hand squeeze his reassuringly.

“We are two different people, with two entirely different life experiences. Yes, eventually, you’ll hurt me, and I’ll hurt you too. In relationships, we are bound to upset one another, but what matters is how we approach those situations,” you whispered softly, scooting your chair closer to him, “I don’t care who you think you are because I love you for you, and I think you’re the most wonderful experience I’ve had. You can be afraid all you want, but I promise I’ll hold your hand through it and show you that you’re worthy of that love.”

As you scooted your chair next to Jisung’s, both your hands reached to cup his face, wiping away the tears he had shed, “I promise. As long as you let me, I’ll be here for you. Even if you don’t trust or believe in yourself, can you trust me? Will you believe me when I say you’re an amazing human being? Will you let me teach you how to love and be loved?”

All Jisung could do is marvel at the sudden closeness, his cheeks and ears flushing the instant he felt your touch. Your words only sent him further down into a frenzy, goosebumps forming at your declaration as he felt himself swoon in his seat, his head dizzying from the overwhelming sensation of both nervousness and affection. He had so much to say, yet his mouth could barely utter out a sound as he shrunk in his seat, your boldness taking him aback.

Even though he hadn’t moved from his seat once, he felt himself become breathless as he admired each of your features, he swore he heard wedding bells in the background as you spoke. Oh, c’mon, Jisung, you need to say something. He was panicking, much like he was during your first meeting, struggling to find the words as he became entranced with you, capturing every detail of your face in his mind so he’d never forget this moment.

“I love you.”

That was all he could say, all he could muster up, but that was enough. That was all you needed to hear as you let out a giggle, your eyes crinkling as you smiled, “I love you too.”

“I’m sorry for being an idiot. I want to try my best for you. I promise I will.”

“It’s okay. You don’t need to apologize, and I know you will.”

“Can… Can I kiss you?”

His question caught you by surprise, heat rushing to your cheeks while nodding, mumbling a quick ‘of course you can,’ as you pulled his face to yours, planting your lips onto his.

Maybe Han Jisung wasn’t so bad after all.

191 notes · View notes

morallyinept · 5 months

Text

A full transcribe of EZRA'S dialogue/lines from the film PROSPECT.

Includes full dialogue, and dialogue from any deleted/additional scenes available.

I've created this as a point of reference when writing for Pedro's characters, and I hope you find it useful. Even if you just want to read the dialogue. 🖤

FULL MASTERLIST OF PEDRO CHARACTERS DIALOGUE

Please also see my Writing For Ezra Guide for further analysis of his character and dialect.

☝🏻Dialogue has been fully transcribed by myself using reference to original scripts (if available), audio subtitles and using my own two ears. Therefore, mistakes can be made, however I have tried to be as fully accurate as I can. If you spot an obvious mistake, please kindly let me know. Where audio is not clear, I have marked with *inaudible* Scenes are separated for ease of reference.

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Edited - I've been made aware of some errors since the original posting of this, so I've edited it to correct. Special thanks to those who have let me know! 🖤

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FULL SCRIPT DIALOGUE:

*Fading in* … Curious.

Don't see too many kips around these ways anymore.

Not a kip… a returner!

Is that a serious question?

I believe you, gentle man.

But my partner always needs a little convincing. He'll just kill me, if I let you go without a thorough search. I never caught your name, friend.

Nice to meet you, Damon. I'm Ezra. I can't tell you how refreshing it is… hoo, to encounter another talker. It's been quite some time since we've run into anyone with fluid in motion. Where're you from, Damon?

How poetic. I take it you're a, hmm… floater? Freelancer. You don’t look very Fringely.

Yeah, don’t we all.

Alright, Damon. Understand what, now?

Damon, it has truly been a pleasure, but… pleasantries passed, it's time to gut the fencer. To be completely candid, this haul has proven to disappoint. Me and my partner both feel we deserve… satisfaction. You understand?

So, how did you get here, Damon?

Your ship. Where is it? Or perhaps a ship is a tick too rich for you, a drop pod, I reckon.

Excellent. The starter, if you don't mind.

Where is it? Don't make me root for it, Damon. I guarantee you, I'll make it an unnecessarily painful process.

That is not necessarily true. Nevertheless, continuing within the act of killing is a broad spectrum of technique. So, there is still an incentive for you to acquiesce if that's where you're getting at.

A twist? Go on.

And why would you be so cryptic under rails? You are lucky I am not immune to intrigue. But be careful you don't overplay this technique.

I've seen my share.

That's a theory.

It's funny. I don't see any mercs. Where are they?

Okay. I'd like to believe you. Admittedly, more out of desire than good sense. But Damon… if there is talk of the queen’s lair, the excitement is all but in involuntary.

And there's three of us. We split it in thirds. That's an even split.

This is so exciting!

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What did your outfit look like, back in the day? You've always went solo?

Fancy. We had a full crawling party when we arrived here. Not one of your freighter takes, a testin' screamer.

Mercs in the Green, huh? Last I heard the word "merc" was way back when Crebon raiders hit up all the corporate expeditions.

Caero clan? You friendly with these fellas?

These cables… Goddamn it.

You know, this is something I have never seen in all my time on The Green. A little girl.

Damon, I have clearly underestimated you, I must stop doing that.

Damon… Does this mean that the plan is off? You have me all up and bothered over the queen's lair, Damon.

Alright, you can have your fabled spoils all to yourself. But if your talk of the queen's lair is true… this is just a scratch.

Your girl is scared. You should listen to her. No harm done, yet.

It's a shame, Damon. We could've been rich together.

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You got a field-kit?

Hey! Field-kit!

Are you gonna shoot?

That is… technically true.

Kevva waits, girl! Shoot or help! Just make a move.

Get me a kit and we can talk.

Your offer is indeed generous. Y'know, I'd be more than happy to sign and seal, save for one glaring slip. My ship.

Well I did. Then there was an event with my crew concerned in a bit of Aurelac and… words and metal flew. And now, I don't. We're in the same trough, you and I. Can’t say I was pleased to find your mare all black and cockways as she was supposed to be my redemption as well.

Whoa! Whoa! Just slow down a beat there, little bird. At least wait for the counter-offer.

How is it you intend to get home? That is the goal. Am I right?

The Mercs. They’re real aren’t they? Mmm-hmm. And the queen's lair? Mmm-hmm.

You are making a run for them.

Listen, I know well the lure of vengeance. I myself have… frequently indulged, and I have not often found regret. But in this moment, right here, I'm afraid for both our sakes, I must riposte.

I say, we go to your mercs. I play the prospector. And together we ravage the queen.

Let me help you. I can harvest. I can offer protection. A girl your age, a child, wanders into a camp of fringely mercs, raw. At the end of the tour, what happens? You appeal to their sympathies? They have none. They are ruthless profiteers. You must have something to offer or they will find something to take from you.

That's the fringe, girl. If you're one to point fingers at extortion, well, there's not much I can say.

Now, hold on. I'm keen to make the case that Damon killed himself.

He was trying to steal my trophy case, is what he was trying to do. A man's work is no petty thing. To you, his daughter… I truly apologise for my contribution to his passing. But he was stealing my entire harvest. And actions like these foment the threat of appropriate reactions. Your father knew that, and if didn't, then he had no business in The Green.

I am, indeed. But, are you?

It was all in the name of self-preservation, birdie, it was nothing personal.

I’m your safest route home and in the end we’ll both be rich.

Of course. There is one more thing. My filter's spent. I'm gonna need a hook-up.

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What is your name?

Do you mind if I take a look?

What do you know about these mercs? When did they arrive? How many are there?

He didn’t tell you anything? It's bad practice keeping you in the dark, if you ask me.

A deep partnership is only made so by candid discourse.

Number Two was more of a utility than a partner. And it seems like your father treated you the same way.

What's your name?

Well, I have to call you something.

Oi, Number Three. Watch that tube, girl. Straight finger.

Thank you.

If you don't know the thing about channel rats, is when they fornicate, they excrete a hormone substance - I don't really know what it's called - but it's uncannily sticky, it cocks up electrics. And it smells exactly like, but significantly more potent than, stale human urine.

Anyways, we stripped every panel in that ship. We clubbed those rat beavers to death. Two at a time. It was a toilsome marathon of carnage. We never did find the nest.

You know, eventually, you're gonna have to trust me.

Just give me a moment.

You should keep the thrower low, we could be surrounded.

I said, keep it low.

Don't show any sign of aggression. Drop it. Put your hands above your head.

Just do it.

Just do it! Now!

We have to follow him. The wound would appear… ideal bite. It still has some venom. The dust. It’s found its way in and now it festers. The Sater are religious settlers and tedious scavengers. They should be amenable to trade for medical supplies.

We don’t have a choice.

Shoot me, then.

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(Greets in Sater language) I have sustained a wound that, due to inadequate treatment, now festers pink. I was hoping you had some juice?

Thank you, sir. We are tremendously grateful.

I thought perhaps it might interest you for trade.

A wise and understandable measure. We shall stow them at our discretion and return shortly, unarmed. Is that acceptable to you and your colleagues?

Here.

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That was beautiful.

Juice. It's good for you, cleanses the dust.

Thank you for your kindness. Now, as you can see, I have sustained a trauma to my shoulder. I would much like to flush it with your magic juice. And to keep straight… we would also be very much interested in proper dressing, and filter refreshers, if you have them and can spare them? In return for your gracious offering, we are prepared to compensate with generosity in equal measure.

I'm sorry, I don't understand.

That is a bold offer.

What do you need her for?

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(Ezra’s radio transmission) Hello! Hello to the green! I got… *inaudible*... I got one or two fourteen grade root pearls that I'm willing to part with for well over the peakest of rush rates. Nothing funny. Just a desperate man trying to make a bad deal with the right hold out. If anyone is out there, don't hesitate to click on...

Take your helmet off.

You look like shit. Eat it. There’s cases of 'em in here.

Here. I need your help.

After you left, those Sater weren't too keen on helping me out… So I had to treat myself. I botched the excision. I was unable to clean and scrape the blackness. Now if I don't lose my arm, it'll kill me. And I can't perform the procedure by myself.

No.

You ever use one of these before? It's easy. Prime it like this… then there are five levels of intensity. Two for the flesh, four for bone. You got it?

Thank you.

I won't feel a thing. Hack away. Quick, confident strokes are best. Try to go full circuit on the first cut.

I've never had to use these surettes before. Kind of nice… tingling, almost like… oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit!

Oh, shit. Oh, shit, oh, shit.

No, I don’t know. Keep going, you're doing great. Keep going until you hit bone.

I’m gonna miss him. My primary weapon, been with me my whole life. Always there, ready to help, no job too gritty, no love too intimidating.

Up to four, as soon as it's off, give my stump a hearty coat in the juice and cream it all shut! Clear?

How are you so calm? You've done this before.

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So, where’s home?

Spoken like a true floater. What's that book you carry around?

"Streamer Girl"?

You wrote a novel?

There's not a lot of literature in circulation out here.

Well, it seems I must.

You memorised it?

Not at all. It's quite impressive.

Focus on what?

Well, you can't… you can't think like that. You go down that path, it's not good. If you need someone to blame, you blame me. You need to think about your next move. Be on that freighter in a tick.

It’s nice to meet you, Cee.

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Well. There's our ride.

Stay clear and close and I’ll talk us through. When it comes time to dig, I’ll need you to be sharp. I've never harvested one-handed before. I'm gonna need some help. But we'll keep it creamy and it’ll all be fine.

Damon, here for the dig. You wouldn't believe the time we’ve had of it, getting here. I wholeheartedly apologise for being late. But after the storm tidied us off mark, we were already a cycle back and naturally-

I wholeheartedly apologize. You wouldn't believe…

Well, actually… uh, before we get started. I'm afraid I must interject. I haven't been completely candid with you yet. After an erring landing and toilsome trick, there is one more significant detail to our story, one that forces us to leverage our talents for little bit more than the agreed upon price.

It's not more of a cut we're after. The points are more than adequate payment for the two of us. Rather it's a means of transit we lack.

Well, now, what she means to say is that while transport is a requisite part of the deal, we are willing to forgo two points. Which by any reckoning is exorbitant compensation for a hop into orbit.

Oh, come now. In a prize… Scrap well over the weight of the passenger and a half. Cargo braces. That's one hundred, one-thirty right there.

You're not understanding me. Everything has changed. If you're not willing to scrap payload, scrap crew for all I care, but you'll find a way, if you want that buried treasure.

I am the gatekeeper to more wealth than any of us have ever seen, and you've been wasting in The Green for far too long to let that slip away. I'm afraid, I am the only means to the successful end of your venture. And I say the terms have changed. Thirteen, plus a ride for me and my partner on your handsome craft or no deal. Find a way.

My boy, this is a winner! I think a little back up thrust is an easy drop under the circumstances. What do you say, boss?

Gentlemen. And women… Let's get rich!

__________________

Strange method for an execution. What did this fella do to land him in the box?

How convoluted!

Somebody ought to give her a go.

That's the price for a dry breach. But my chem will calm the brine.

Hello, sweetheart.

It's a big one.

You got it? Hold it nice and tight.

Hold it like you love it.

Oh. That's perfect.

Slippery son of a bitch.

No, no, no. Shit!

Not to worry, we go again.

(Muttering to self) *Inaudible* (?)leech on the(?) …cock spitters … cannot fuck more nuggets in this sleep for snatch, pearls…

It's a little difficult to carve weak-handed!

Now hold on!

Those shots will bring the rest of ‘em in.

I don’t know.

Greedy fool! Couldn't help himself. Took a stumble, getting a closer look. Now, time presses and I am gonna need assistance if we're-

Go, go, go!

Move!

I'm out.

If we uncouple you can run a distraction, opening me up for the backstab.

Are you sure?

You run fast and you don’t stop. You keep plenty of trees between you and her. You come straight back here as soon as I make the kill so we can re-couple. Clear?

You need to go. You grab the gun and you go. You can make it.

Get outta here!

__________________

DELETED SCENE:

What is your name?

Well, I have to call you something.

Once, a long time ago, there was a channel rat. Well, first there was an entire nest. Caulked up in the floorboards of my skimmer, this was back when I was running catkins with my brother in Parson.

If you don’t know, thing about channel rats, is when they fornicate, they excrete a hormone substance - I don’t remember what it's called - but the relevant details are that it is uncannily sticky, it cocks up electrics, and it smells exactly like, but significantly more potent than, stale human urine.

So, this horny cohort is scrambling around unseen, plastering up my walls with their piss paste, and the smell… was so horrific. And we had to wear nuke suits all the time, even when we slept.

So, after we exhausted our repertoire of civilised extermination methods, it soon devolved into barbarism.

We stripped every panel in that ship and clubbed those rat beavers to death, two at a time. It was a toilsome marathon of carnage. But the bag of corpses steadily grew heavier.

We never did find the nest. But by the end of the run, we were down to what as far as we could tell was the last rat standing. This little bitch waits until we make ground fall, saunters into the galley, climbs up onto the table, and I spin you not, stands right up on its hind legs and starts calmly munching on a piece of bush bread.

Maybe it was our impending reunion with civilization, or maybe it was exhaustion, but neither of us could bring ourselves to bash that last channel rat. So we just sat there and watched it eat the entire biscuit.

When it was done, it walked over to the airlock, waited at the hatch as if it expected us to just open it, so we did. And then walked out.

You remind me of that channel rat, so in the absence of a given moniker, I will now call you Channel Rat.

Number Three it is.

__________________

FULL MASTERLIST OF PEDRO CHARACTERS DIALOGUE

#ezra prospect #pedro pascal #pedro pascal characters #ezra prospect 2018 #prospect film #prospect 2018 #ezra dialogue

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miquella-everywhere · 2 months

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Discussing Lore with @lordmarble 😂 This is obviously unhinged but there are some points here in this conversation that I would like to expand upon, be warned tho, this post is super long with a ton of pictures and mostly filled with speculation lol

So yeah, Messmer is potentially Godfreys son, and more importantly Marikas first born. Obviously this is all speculation but it still has some validity to it considering the evidence.

The impaled Giants at the top of Flame Peak had always been a source of confusion to me, but now with Messmers existence made apparent, and his moniker being "The Impaler", if he truly were Marikas first born then his role in the War of the Giants would make sense.

At the Mountaintops of the Giants we find the First Church of Marika, and this church was most likely constructed during the War and was the beginning of Marikas conquest and reign, and possibly where she wed Godfrey. Now crudeness asside, usually back in the day after a wedding you would consummate the marriage to attempt to produce heirs, so it would have been likely that Messmer was born during the war and had a strong part in ending it too:

Godfrey would lead the charge causing absolute devastation, and Messmer, the product of the union between the newest God in the Lands Between and this fierce warrior turned even fiercer Lord, would truly be a child of strength and a sight to behold on the battle field.

As for why Messmers hair would be red, I will turn your attention to the speculated Giants curse and how it (potentially) was that curse that made Radagon despise his own hair. Well the exact specifics of the curses origins are unknown, but what if the Giants/Fell God cursed Marika when she was pregnant with Messmer?

Hmm, your Era of Gold certainly is off to a great start with your red-headed baby Marika.

Queen Marika, gets pregnant:

The Giants and the Fell God: QUICK CURSE HER ENTIRE LINEAGE NONE OF THEM CAN BE FREE

😂 Jokes aside, the fact that this is possible intrigues me because not only does it flip the truth of Elden Rings history on its head, but because the red hair trait didn't begin with Radagon, it began with Messmer.

And now in the trailer we see this statue right behind Messmer of a woman holding a baby:

The woman is without a doubt Marika, as proven by the arm bands and the braid. And a statue like this seems to me like the type of statue that would have been commissioned to commemorate the birth of Queen Marikas, Gods, first born child.

But seeing how we don't see this statue anywhere in the Lands Between, and how Messmer is essentially a walking symbol of blasphemy against the Erdtree, it would make sense if this statue, along with Messmer, were tossed into the Land of Shadow to be forgotten along with the rest of the things and cultures that the Golden Order shuns. Which is exactly what this Land is as confirmed in an interview with Miyazaki.

Messmer also being brothers with Godwyn really gives Godwyn the much needed characterization and backstory that he is severely lacking, and Messmer being associated with Ancient Dragon Communion would make perfect sense if he was a cofounder to the Ancient Dragon Cult alongside Godwyn. As well as the angst that follows from the potential falling out and banishment that happens.

Like I said in the above dialogue at some point Messmer became this utterly blasphemous figure to the point that he was completely erased from history. What he did at this point, is unknown, but my money is on the theory that the Erdtree has been burnt once before. And committing such a massive Cardinal Sin is clearly worthy of being scrubbed from history all together.

If all of this did happen back in Godfreys era then it would make sense why the snake was seen as a traitor as far back as the gladiatoral days 🤔

So many things going on here with Miquella

I am fairly certain that Miquella is still alive, his soul and spirit may have left his body but his heart is definitely still beating. If you know about my Miquella blood theory, then you know that I theorized that the Arteria Leaf is connected to Miquella and the fact that the leaf has a faint pulse is quite telling.

And then there's this little blurb of mine👇:

"Also there may be a high ass chance that as st. trina, miquella might be able to have prophetic dreams seeing as he entrusted torrent to melina, and the spirit bell to ranni, to both give to you when you arrive to the lands between

miquella KNOWS about the tarnished and has likely favored us for a very long time."

It would not surprise me in the SLIGHTEST BIT if Miquella did indeed have prophetic dreams lol

So clearly Miquella knows about us and is willing to go so far to give us both Torrent and the Spirit Calling Bell(and 3 wolves) by proxy via Melina and Ranni. Miquella obviously has a lot riding on us I would say, and whatever he seeks to accomplish in the Land of Shadow relies entirely upon us...

Also if Miquella does have prophetic dreams could he or did he foresee Mohg kidnapping him???? Or is there a limit to what he can and cannot see in his dreams 🤔 But this post is already long enough, so I'm gonna end it here and leave it for another speculation for another time!

#can you tell how crazy i am about èlden ríng 😂#honestly tho the fact that im so obsessed makes me feel like im setting myself up for disappointment lol #cause when the DLC is released i bet a majority of these theories are going right down the toilet akdhshhd #ah well i can still have fun until then tho #elden ring #miquella the unalloyed #elden ring theory #messmer the impaler #shadow of the erdtree #godwyn the golden

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allexina · 1 month

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Content warnings: reader is female and uses she/her pronouns, internalized misogyny, physical violence, abuse, manipulation, gaslighting, mentions of starvation, and child neglect.

Johnny Cade x Female! Reader - Sinners

Summary: You were stuck in a very religious household and were raised to believe that bad things would happen if you didn’t follow the rules set for you perfectly. When you meet Johnny Cade, an innocent boy who just wants what’s best for you, he shows you what affection and love is when given in a healthy dosage and not used in a detrimental way. When you finally open up to him about your family, Johnny decides he wants to get you out before something bad happens to you.

Author’s note: I’m so sorry that this took so long!! I’ve been experimenting and rewriting this to fix everything. I’ve also been going back and forth between multiple of my stories so I don’t burn myself out! I do genuinely wonder what churches and all were like back then. I know there was a LOT of cults back then which was what originally inspired this. I will be coming back to proofread this/fix any dialogue that doesn’t make much sense for Johnny. Also, please give constructive criticism!:)

Word count: 5.2K+

You were on your knees, murmuring a quick prayer. You didn’t want to be outcasted or damned for missing even one prayer and that was something that was beat into you as a child. You kept your hands clasped tightly together as you heard snickering coming from behind you.

You ignored it, knowing it was those boys that had come in randomly during the sermon. You stopped yourself from thinking anything bad about the people laughing. God told you that it wasn’t your place to judge and you trusted him. You wouldn’t judge the boys no matter how many cruel words they spoke.

You felt the tears before they even started to try and fall. You had stood up from the altar and wiped the tears away quickly, hoping no one saw you. The fear of being seen crying wasn’t too strong as everyone already called you overly sensitive so it didn’t matter much if they saw you crying. You went to sit back beside your family, who were all smiling at you as if you had done some good deed by praying.

In your eyes, that was the least of your good deeds. Why didn’t any of the other times get noticed? It wasn’t like it mattered that they didn’t because you weren’t supposed to be praised for doing the bare minimum but it was still upsetting.

A woman sitting beside you smiled down at you and nodded with no actual reason. Well, you thought she was saying hello without speaking. That’s how the people in your class said hello without ever speaking. You found it entertaining but never acted how they did because it was unladylike in every way.

You smiled at the woman and looked back to the preacher who was getting louder by the second. You crossed your arms as you licked your dry lips.

You would do anything to get out of the church but God wouldn’t appreciate you hating his love the way you were. You closed your eyes and looked down towards the ground as you began rapidly praying. Begging for forgiveness that you knew wouldn’t come easily, you felt your heart release the heaviness of your sins. You wouldn’t tell a soul of your true sins. The ones that keep you up late into the night; the ones that make you miss the days you would smoke cigarettes to calm yourself.

You heard the sermon slowly come to an end and you stood up without much thought as you walked into the aisle. Your parents followed you as you walked out of the church without speaking to anyone. Your mom followed you as she let out a sigh. “Your father needs to speak with the pastor so he said we could head on home.” She smiled as she placed a hand on your shoulder. “I don’t know about you, but I’m starving!” She started leading you away from the church as you looked over your shoulder. A group of teenage boys had walked out of the building with one specifically watching you walk away.

Your eyes looked towards a random tree after making eye contact with the adorable boy. You thought he was handsome but you felt a certain disgust for feeling that. You were going to marry a man of your father’s choice. After all, he knew what men were like and would choose based on which man could provide for you and your future family.

Your mom pressed a kiss to your forehead as she held you tightly against her. “Do you want to start exercising more?” Your mom suddenly questioned aloud as she ran a hand through your hair. “I think we should go on more walks and get out of the house more. You’re homeschooled and have nothing else to do and I usually have our home cleaned with food on the table long before it’s needed.” She rambled on and on as you stopped.

Your house was in front of the two of you as you grabbed your mom’s hand from your shoulder and began leading her up the concrete pathway that paved the path you needed to take.

Your stomach growled angrily as you felt hunger pains spread throughout your stomach. When was the last time you ate? You couldn’t remember as you felt you still didn’t deserve to eat. You took a moment to look around your house. Your mom was trying to redecorate as much as possible for Easter. You were feeling disappointment that winter had almost ended and it was soon to be summer.

You enjoyed bundling up in the warmest of clothes while also having reason to light a fire in the fireplace. You felt your face flush as you looked in the mirror that was hung in the living room and noticed that the strap of your bra had slipped down your shoulder. Your mom watched as you pulled it up with a struggle.

“You know, you don’t have to panic when it’s just me. I have breasts, too.” You looked at her with the widest of eyes she’d or anyone had ever seen on you.

“Mom! It’s immodest to ever allow anyone to see anything that only a husband should see!” You snapped as you ran up to your room in fear of being seen as a… you couldn’t bring yourself to think the word.

You collapsed on your bed as sobs filled the empty space beside you. You were ashamed, hurt, sad. You couldn’t understand the emotions that flowed endlessly through your body.

You grabbed the comforter from the end of your bed and brought it up closer to you as you flipped and turned every which way to get comfortable. You grabbed the stuffed animal that laid beside you and hugged it close to you. You were tired and you didn’t want to be involved with anything else for that day. You had gone to church and you had prayed to God to get you out.

You closed your eyes as you slowly drifted off to sleep.

You grabbed the piece of toast off of your plate and licked your lips at the buttery taste. You were going to the library soon to find the second to the last book in a fantasy series that you had picked up.

You grabbed your purse and started to walk out of your house with a tired sigh leaving you. You wanted more sleep but you also wanted more time to yourself. Your dad had come home with another man. He told you the man was a pastor from a nearby church that wanted to talk about God with your family.

You walked down the broken sidewalk with a frown plastered on your family. You were nervous to be out in public without one of your parents with you as they told you a lot of bad people liked to prey on young girls such as yourself. It made you nervous to even look out the window some days with the things they told you.

You sped up as the wind blew a little harder against you. You were wearing a long dress that covered everything including your ankles while also covering your arms and shoulders. The dress was wildly blowing with the wind and for a good while, you thought you were going to fly away with the fallen leaves on the ground.

The buildings around you had gotten more abundant as you seen the library in the distance. You heard that same loud laughing that you heard whilst in the church which made you do a double take at the group of boys walking down the sidewalk.

Your eyes met with that of the boy who had puppy eyes. He was attractive but you forced yourself to look away from him as it was disgusting for you to feel attracted in any way to anyone until you were married. You crossed your arms and covered your breasts as you knew that your body was created to be distracting for men. You never wanted to tempt someone.

You happily pulled open the glass door to the library and walked in, feeling a sense of safety when you heard the door shut loudly behind you. You never enjoyed entering buildings. It was… terrifying for you.

You needed to find another book that would keep your thoughts solely on yourself and the characters. Your Bible had kept you pretty focused on living your life based on God but you couldn’t continue to read the same sentences over and over while pretending to completely understand the meaning.

Your eyes scanned the dozens of thick books that were laying with a layer of dust covering them. You grabbed one that had a slightly darker cover than the rest, reading the title before flipping the book over to read the back.

You heard the library door open and close loudly. You looked towards the noise and almost let out a gasp once you saw the boy with the puppy eyes. He was making eye contact with you.

You looked back down at the book that you were holding so tightly that your knuckles were white.

You watched as the boy approached you after a second, finally deciding to speak after a moment. “Uh… hey. I’m Johnny.” The boy finally sent you a shy little smile and you looked down.

“I’m R/n.” You stuck your hand out and the two of you shook hands. You were honestly shocked that he had even followed you into the library to talk to you. You felt your cheeks flush at the thought of him finding you so pretty that he wanted to talk to you.

“I saw you the other day at church and now you’re here…” Johnny’s voice sent something throughout you as he moved a hand to rub the back of his neck.

“Oh, well I appreciate you approaching me but I only date to marry. If that is why you approached me.” You lied through your teeth and it made you feel bad. You weren’t allowed to date. Your parents only wanted you to marry a nice man who would do whatever so long as it meant that you were out of their house by eighteen.

“Oh…?” Johnny sounded confused as he looked up at you. You were wearing your heels and were standing only a few inches taller than he was.

“I don’t mind! Really. I- can we just be friends?” Johnny felt his stomach continue to wrap itself in loops as he broke eye contact and began staring uncomfortably at the ground.

“Yes. I would like that.” You gripped the book in your hand as you began walking to the librarian’s desk. She took your book from your hand and before you knew it, the book was slid across the desk back to you.

Johnny continued walking with you even when his friends started calling him over. You looked at Johnny with the smallest of smiles, “you can go hang out with them, if you want. My parents are strict and wouldn’t appreciate me being around a boy without them.” Your words confused Johnny as he knew parents could be protective but why were yours wanting to be around for every little moment? You were almost an adult woman and you still heavily relied on your family which, don’t get Johnny wrong, wasn’t a bad thing but it also wasn’t healthy.

“Okay. When can I see you again?” Johnny wanted to ask you out on a date but knew you’d reject him given the opportunity which you had.

“Well, I do want to go shopping soon so if you want to come then?” You tilted your head to the left slightly, eyes staring back at Johnny’s with a certain glint in them.

“Yeah, that works.” Johnny murmured as he stared at you as if you had hung the stars in the sky.

“Well, meet me at the Summit tomorrow at twelve.” You smiled as Johnny nodded before he began walking back towards his friends.

You stared helplessly after him, feeling as if you were doing the wrong thing by allowing him to walk off like that.

You let out a sign and continued your adventure home.

“R/n? Are you done?” Your father peeked into your room to ask if you were done reading the Bible. You felt that you were as you had memorized almost every verse you were given. It was mind boggling how you could remember such complex things but forgot simple things such as how to cook a chicken breast. Maybe that’s why your parents cared so much about finding you a husband. You were still excited about the prospects of receiving love and giving it back to someone but that excitement had died down a lot since you’d seen Johnny that day at the library.

“Yes, sir.” You responded as you looked out the window. Rain was clinging to the glass as if it was its life force. You found it fascinating how the drops would hit the window and stick only for them to slowly slide down. It was a cycle that was endless and so fun to watch. Your father left you alone as you heard the thumping of his shoes on the stairs. You tried to ignore the feeling of random sadness that you had started to feel. New emotions were appearing now that you had the slightest taste of freedom.

You were excited, nervous, sad, happy, etc. all because of a boy that you would never ever get to be with in any capacity. You looked at your clock on the wall and stood up, deciding it would be better for you to go get a snack and then take a short cat nap after just to get some of your energy back.

You let out a sigh as you walked down the stairs and came face-to-chest with your father.

“What’s wrong, R/n?” He lifted a hand up only for you to walk past him quickly. You were nervous. You didn’t want to speak to your father as he would only make those feelings intensify. You sat down at the kitchen table with a frown appearing on your features.

Your mom looked at you with the smallest of smiles playing at her lips. Your plate was already made and placed down in front of you. You didn’t immediately start to eat as your father came into the kitchen and sat down at the head of the table. Your eyes watched his every move, a certain anger filling you as you watched your parents turn to each other and began a conversation.

Why did they get to do whatever they wanted, even when it counted as a sin, yet when you do something, you're deemed a demon. A sinner who will never see the pearly gates of heaven. Your mouth stayed sealed as you felt the anger dissipate into thin air as guilt overtook every other emotion. Those were your parents. They never sinned even when you believed they did because you were uneducated and you didn’t understand the Bible as much as they did.

“I met a boy today.” You finally spoke, deciding to tell your parents the truth. God would want you to tell them the full, honest truth.

Your mom leaned forward with a smile on her face, “oh, tell me about him! Is he a God fearing man? Does he understand that you aren’t willing to be intimate until marriage? What about the church's rules? Does he know them?” Your stomach twisted at your mom’s words. You closed your eyes before starting to slowly answer all of her questions.

“He is. He goes to church. I did tell him that and he was okay with it. I haven’t mentioned the rules yet.” You whispered out as you sat up a bit straighter.

Your mom had a look of excitement on her face as she started talking while your father leaned back in his chair. “You’ll have to speak with brother David.” You hated calling everyone your brother and sister. It was unfair and disgusting when people began marrying each other within the church. You thought you were all brothers and sisters. You shuddered but nodded finally.

“Okay, but I never said that I wanted to be with him.” You responded as you picked your fork up and scooped some of the mashed potatoes up onto your fork. They were creamy and perfect. You continued shoveling the food into your mouth while your mom talked to your father.

“Our daughter is growing up. Next thing we know, she’s going to be in the hospital delivering our first grandchild.” Your stomach cramped with the pain of imaginary childbirth. That pain soon drifted to your lower body as you crossed your legs with the pain finally disappearing as you stopped thinking about it.

You would hold off on giving birth for as long as you possibly could.

“She won’t be doing anything until she speaks to brother David.” Your father reiterated what he had said before and you leaned back into your chair. Well, you at least had your mom’s permission to find a lover. You also remembered the numerous conversations where he had told you that he would choose a husband for you, because you weren’t smart enough to pick a good man.

You finished the food on your plate and stood up from the table as you decided you would wash your own plate. You didn’t want to stay at the dinner table any longer than you already had. That was a waste of time in your opinion.

You let out a sigh and walked to the kitchen, scraping the leftover food off of your plate before setting the plate and fork on the countertop and turning the sink on. You loved playing within the soapy bubbles that always spread rapidly once the soap was added. It smelt good and made you feel good. It made you feel clean.

You grabbed the sponge off of the holder that kept it out of the sink. You added a little soap to it before setting the plate into the sink and washing it. By the time you were finished, you had wanted to go to sleep. You grabbed the towel that you and your mom normally used to dry the dishes and quickly wiped the water off.

You opened the cabinet and you slid the plate into its normal place. “Hey, R/n? How much do you want for your allowance?” Your mom yelled to you and you wiped your hands onto your floral dress as you quickly started to walk towards your mom. Your heels clicked on the floor of your home as you caught sight of your parents who were still sitting in the kitchen.

“I don’t mind but I do really want that (favorite colored) dress that has (favorite design) on it.” You looked at your mom before your father pulled his wallet out and pulled a few dollars out. It was more than enough for you to buy the dress.

“Thank you, father.” You wrapped your arms around your father excitedly. You couldn’t remember a time where you felt so happy about receiving money. Usually, you would argue some and hope that they kept whatever money it was that they were trying to give. When it came to the man who had a helping hand in your creation, you didn’t care much. You enjoyed taking money from him and reminding him of your existence otherwise, he wouldn’t remember you past being at church.

You started making your way back to your room, hoping that you could meet that Johnny boy again. Hopefully he would be willing to meet up with you again so you could talk further than you anxiously speaking words that shouldn’t have ever been spoken in the same sentence. You wished you wouldn’t have lied and told him that you date to marry.

You needed human interaction to survive. You loved being with some of your close friends while doing anything at all. You couldn’t care less what the interaction you had was so long as you weren’t alone.

You started walking back up onto the stairs as you thought about how you could get into contact with Johnny once more. You made it to the top of the stairs and your eyes landed on the cross that hung above the staircase. You smiled as you murmured the lightest of prayers, and went back up to your room to pick an outfit out for your day out tomorrow. You wanted to impress Johnny and make him see you in a light that made you seem almost innocent. Men only wanted innocent and modest women.

You picked out a dress that had long sleeves and went down to the floor. You would wear your heels and it would make the dress reach close to your ankles. You set the dress onto the chair in the corner of your room.

You changed into a more comfortable outside before brushing your teeth and hair.

Soon after, you were in your bed and whispering prayers to God, hoping he would bless you with the prospects of love.

You were up and eating breakfast with your stomach twisting into knots. Your mom didn’t mention the slight shake of your hands and she didn’t mention how you were dressed up with makeup and all. She didn’t want him to realize and keep you home instead of letting you go out with your friend.

“Thank you for the money.” You grabbed the orange juice and took a sip from it as your mom looked at you with a smile. Your father had a slight smile but he it didn’t reach his eyes.

You were quick to leave your house, knowing you would be an hour or so early for whatever was going to happen with Johnny. You wiped your hands onto your dress and started walking slowly. You could take the time to admire your surroundings instead of trying to book it to meet up with Johnny.

He would probably be late anyways as all of the men you knew were rarely on time without a woman forcing them to get up and out of the door before a specific time. You meant no harm to Johnny but he didn’t seem like the kind of man to have someone doing that for him.

More often than not, he had dirt on his face and always seemed dirty. You would fix that, of course. You made sure to pack a small jar of water along with a handkerchief to make sure that he would get clean.

You looked around at the trees with a small smile on your face. Animals were casually running around and happily avoiding you as if their lives depended on it. Though, in hindsight, you were technically a danger to the animals mostly because humans killed them so often.

You noticed the Summit was quickly approaching within your line of vision and you quickened your pace so you could sit somewhere and wait for Johnny.

You entered the building and a shocked expression overtook your features as you tilted your head. Johnny was sitting on one of the benches and was pulling at something in his pocket. “Johnny?” You smiled as you realized he was early without you even having to ask him.

Johnny stood up and held a hand out for you as you gave him a grin. “I didn’t want to be late so I left a little earlier…” Johnny’s voice held that southern accent that made you smile. You had lived in the south your entire life but for majority of it, you lived in Utah so your accents were slightly different.

“That’s why I came early, too. Well, come on! We need to get into the shops before everyone else gets in.” You noticed the dirt had been wiped away but the grease in his hair was prevalent still.

You didn’t mind though as the two of you started walking together. “I… I’m sorry if I came off as overbearing last time. I never meant to come off like that.” You whispered out as you walked a little quicker just in case he didn’t react well to your words.

“You didn’t. I just wasn’t ready for it.” Johnny caught up with you and gave you the shyest smile you had ever seen.

“Oh… okay.” You pulled open the glass door, a smile present on your face as you walked into the building. You held the door open for Johnny with a grin on your face. You seen him pause for a moment before he walked into the store you wanted to go in. His eyes shifted from dress to dress without much thought behind his eyes.

“Oh, they still have it!” You smiled as you rushed to grab the dress that you originally wanted. You held the dress up and gave Johnny the most innocent smile he had ever seen in his life.

You skimmed through the sizes and chose yours, holding the dress under your arm as you waved an employee down. “Hi! I was wondering if you could let me into one of the dressing rooms?” You asked with a shy smile on your face.

The woman immediately nodded as the two of you began walking towards the dressing rooms. You peaked over your shoulder and saw Johnny was slowly following too. You would need to make sure he didn’t feel awkward after showing him the dress.

“My sister loves this dress. She actually cut the sleeves off because she thought it looked cuter and it really does!” The employee smiled at you and your eyes sparkled.

“Oh, that’s wonderful! I may have to do that before the summer months hit.” You laughed as the woman opened the dressing room door. She closed it after you and you looked at yourself in the mirror.

You were gorgeous.

You slipped out of the dress you were in and slid into the other dress with a smile on your face. The dress was beautiful on you and really made you look ten times better than you ever thought you would look. You always assumed the very worst of anything especially when it came to clothes.

You opened the door of the dressing room and gave Johnny a small smile as you showed him your dress. “I think it looks pretty on me. What about you?” You asked softly as you turned slightly to show him the back of the dress even though it was the same as the other countless dresses you had.

“It looks very beautiful on you.” Johnny gave you a small, breathless smile as he looked you up and down. You walked over to him and wrapped your arms around his shoulders, hugging him as you decided you wanted to give him physical affection.

It wasn’t unnatural for you to want to give people hugs as that was your love language. You slowly let go of the man and went back into the dressing room with a smile on your face. You kissed Johnny’s cheek with the softest smile on your face. You let go of Johnny completely and backed away with your lipstick stains stuck on Johnny’s face.

You walked back into the dressing room and changed back into your other dress as you quickly wanted to make it back to Johnny on the other side of the door. “Hey, Johnny? Can you come in here?” You weren’t going to be undressed in front of Johnny as you had a shirt underneath the dress because you thought of every situation, including having Johnny help you.

Johnny slowly opened the door of the dressing room and came in before closing it with his foot. “What do you need help with?” Johnny asked quietly as he kept his eyes to the ground.

“Can you zip the dress up?” You turned around and smiled as you felt his hand make contact with the shirt on your back. You heard and felt the zipper get pulled up.

You turned around and you both exited the dressing room only for you to see one of your friends from the church standing in line. You grabbed Johnny’s hand and quickly scampered away from the dressing room so she wouldn’t tell your parents that the two of you were alone in the dressing room together.

You let go of Johnny’s hand and you both stood together in the line to pay. Now, you only wanted to get out of the store and the Summit in fear of your parents finding out that you were with a boy. Your parents knew that you had gone out with a man but they didn’t know who it was and you wanted to keep it that way. You didn’t want them to unnecessarily judge him for being less fortunate than your family.

“I was thinking that we could get something to eat afterwards?” You looked at Johnny with the biggest smile on your face.

“Yeah, if that’s what you want.” Johnny mumbled out as he kept his stare at the floor. You were slightly upset that he was so shy but then again, it still made you feel happy/giddy to know that he even wanted to spend time with you, anyways.

“That is what I want and I’ll pay for anything you want.” You smiled as the cashier suddenly caught your attention. You set your dress down on the counter and paid before leaving with Johnny.

You wanted to go to one of the higher end diners that you knew of but Johnny didn’t seem comfortable with the idea so you let him choose a place. He settled on a place that was in a rougher spot in town but nothing the two of you couldn’t get through. You knew that you would get something that would be easy on the stomach so that when you got home, you would also be able to eat supper with your family.

Johnny was standing in front of you with the door to the diner held open. You smiled at him as you felt a yawn creeping up from the back of your throat. You were so tired but knew that you had gotten enough sleep so being tired didn’t make much sense. “Oh, I’m so excited. I’ve never been here before.” You made a comment before realizing that could be taken in a different way. How would the upper middle class/wealthy girl ever end up in the bad part of town with everyone else? She wouldn’t unless she was with someone who knew the bad part of town.

You sat down at a booth and Johnny followed before you started talking. You were rambling on and on. Johnny allowed you to do so and didn’t bother to add anything into the conversation besides the occasional “yeah” or “okay”. You sheepishly smiled at him after rambling and he finally spoke, “do you want something to eat?” Johnny didn’t have a lot of money and he never thought he’d be in a situation where he would need it to make a girl feel like he genuinely likes her.

“Yeah but I’ll pay! I have more than enough money for the both of us. If you want, I can slip the money to you so you don’t feel embarrassed.” You gave Johnny a genuine smile as you leaned back against the booth seat. You grabbed the money from within your purse and nodded at Johnny to grab it from under the table. You didn’t want others to shame him even more for “making” the girl pay.

You cared deeply about societal norms and everything that came with it but you also knew that you wanted to have a lover before you became old and barren. You didn’t want to lose your ability to have children before you even had a chance to have a lover.

You watched as Johnny took the money from you with a frown on his face. You grabbed two menus from the holder on the back of the table and handed one to him. “Oh, I want a salad.” You smiled at Johnny with your cheeks turning a light shade of red. You didn’t want him to see you as anything other than an attractive woman. Anything else would be considered unfair to you as you always worked and tried to present yourself as a respectable and honest young woman.

“I want a hamburger…” Johnny’s voice had gotten more confident and you were proud of that. It must’ve meant that he was comfortable around you.

You nodded at him before speaking, “oh, I enjoy hamburgers but I love myself a nice salad.” You looked down at your stomach and Johnny watched as you subconsciously sunk down into the booth at the sight of your own stomach. You forced the frown off of your face and looked back up at Johnny.

“You know, I would love to go to the library soon. If you’d like, you can come with me…” you were nervous. You had never asked a man to go on a second date with you. That was when the realization hit you that this most likely wasn’t a date and he considered the two of you only friends. You played with your fingers under the table and cursed yourself slightly as you understood that caused it.

You let out a sigh as your thoughts started making you second guess everything. You liked Johnny but you felt almost as if you were using him. You decided then that you wanted to spend more time with Johnny.

You finally end wrapped your arms around yourself. You smiled at Johnny to make him less worried. You had noticed how his face fell slightly when you wrapped your arms around yourself and you felt guilty for being selfish. Everything was so awkward now that the two of you were alone with one another.

Soon enough, a waitress had stopped by y’all’s table to take your orders and you both gave your orders before you looked back at Johnny. “I’m sorry if this is awkward. I’ve tried to make everything less awkward but I feel like I’ve made it worse.” You laughed quietly and apologized softly.

You never wanted to make him uncomfortable and you felt that you had. “You didn’t! You… come off as a little strong but that’s fine.” You heard Johnny speak up, this time louder than any time before.

You leaned back in the seat and let out a sigh, knowing that you were going to go home and cry.

You were laying in bed with tears rolling down your cheeks. Your parents knew that you were out with Johnny and they knew that he had come into the dressing room with you. You were forced into your room and told that you wouldn’t be allowed to eat for a week and after that, you wouldn’t be allowed to see Johnny again.

You were glad that you ate before you came home and you knew that your mom would slip you snacks through the door when your father wasn’t looking. You were ashamed as you knew that everything you done was wrong. You not only hurt your parents but you angered God.

You had turned your back on the only thing that loved you for you. You felt yourself choke back another sob as you stared at the ceiling with tears rolling down your face. You grabbed a pillow and covered your face as you got off your bed. Your father was yelling downstairs and you knew the way to get your punishment over quickly.

You opened the door to your room and began walking down the stairs, understand that you would be in plenty of pain by the time it was all over. You understood that you deserved what your father was going to do to you and you were terrified. You didn’t want to be hurt but you also understood that you had to be hurt in one way or another.

It was the only way to receive God’s forgiveness for your sins.

Your feet hit the bottom of the stairs and you walked into the living room, looking at your parents. Your mom’s eyes widened and she immediately told you to go back to your room. You were sobbing again and your mom tried to reach you only for your father to physically throw her onto the couch.

Your father grabbed you by your shoulder and began forcing you towards the basement. It would only take five minutes, right? That was the usual time it took for you to finish all the punishments. You were silent throughout the ordeal as you knew that nothing you said would do anything. He would tell you to shut your mouth and you’d be punished longer than you would had you just kept your mouth shut.

You were forced onto the ground on top of a tarp-like surface that would catch any liquids that would fall during the interaction that was about to take place.

You didn’t want to fight back much as you had once before and your nose had been broken for it. You were embarrassed to admit that you stopped fighting back after that. On top of that though, God wouldn’t want you to fight back. He would want you to take whatever was given to you with grace.

You heard everything before you felt the physical pain from what you assumed to be your father’s belt.

You were close to sobbing by the third hit but your reminded yourself that you needed food. You could take quite a few hits before your body gave out but to go without eating for a week, it wasn’t something you wanted to do.

Soon enough, your father had left the basement and left you on the ground with tears in your eyes. You would never do this to your future children. Not even in the name of God.

It was too painful for you to even breath that second so why would you ever do something so heinous to someone else especially when it hurt you. You let out a silent sob as you slowly lifted yourself off of the floor. You looked at the ground and noticed the dark liquid that had formed from what happened. You gritted your teeth and began walking up the stairs, tears welling in your eyes as you struggled to walk up the stairs.

You opened the basement door and let out a choked sound before you almost slipped. You groaned as you weakly made your way to your room.

You almost let out a yell as you saw Johnny sitting on your bed with his eyes widening the second he saw you. “What happened to you?” He stood up and you closed your door quickly and slid your dresser in front of it.

You almost gave out as you covered your mouth to silence your scream. You sat down on your bed and shut your eyes tightly. Johnny put a hand on your thigh and gently tapped it as he watched your face change from one to pain to one of fear. “This is a sin.” You hissed out between clenched teeth.

“It’s not. You’re not a sinner because I touch you.” Johnny wrapped his arms around you and you let out another choked sob as you began to take your clothes off in front of Johnny.

“Help me…” your voice cracked as you begged him for help. You didn’t want to be physically hurt anymore. You couldn’t do it. “My father done this because we were in the dressing room together.” Johnny watched as you finished taking off your dress. You had since taken off the shirt underneath and Johnny was both in awe and disgust at the wounds. He’d never seen wounds so deep in a woman.

Johnny got up and begin searching your room, finding tape and an old shirt that seemed dirty. Johnny ripped the shirt and began gently tapping your wounds with it. “I’ll get you out of here. I fuckin’ promise to get you out of here.” He gave you a look of pure anger as you let out a whimper when he hit one of the wounds just right.

“Why do you got tape?” You whispered out as you tried to focus on anything and everything other than the fact that the boy you just got beat over was holding tape and cleaning your wounds.

“It’s nothin’. What’s your favorite book?” Johnny asked as he finished up with whatever he was doing.

You were already talking, hoping that you could somehow forget about the pain that came from each and every touch on your back.

“Edgar Allan Poe is my favorite author and I can’t choose between all of his books but I’d say The Raven is the best of them all.” You whispered out through gritted teeth. You finally felt Johnny gently pull your shirt down. You heard someone walking up the stairs and you immediately pushed Johnny into your closet.

Someone tried to open your door but was abruptly stopped by the dresser in front of it. “R/n? Baby, are you okay?” Your mom’s voice came through the door but you looked down at the ground.

“You said you’d talk to him about the no food thing.” Your voice cracked as you moved to sit down on your bed. You were… tired. That wasn’t the exact word for what you were feeling but it was oddly similar to what you were feeling. You thought that you wouldn’t ever grow tired of living the life that you were given but you had. The bruises were always painful and he never said sorry for all the physical and mental/emotional pain he caused both you and your mom.

Your mom had no reason to stay with him and she had no reason to fear him. She came from a wealthy family which is how your family even managed to stay in such an expensive house. Your father, a bank teller, didn’t make much and wouldn’t have been able to afford the home you lived in without your grandpa.

Your mom walked away from your room, the quietest of sobs leaving your mom. You felt terrible and felt like you were being too harsh on your poor mom. Your father “disciplined” her as well though her punishments were usually worse than yours and if she ever stood up against him for you, he would beat her until she was near death.

Johnny wanted to say something, anything but he couldn’t physically bring himself to speak. It was an awful feeling for the two of you as you sat silently in your room. You finally looked over at Johnny with a weird look on your face. “How did you get into my room?” Your voice sounded rough around the edges, breaking with every other word.

“I climbed the tree?” Johnny looked at you with a small blush coating his cheeks. You looked out your window and looked at the tree, looking back over at Johnny right after.

“I… didn’t know that was possible.” You heard Johnny stop all movement and you decided that you wanted to get sleep but you didn’t want to be alone. “I know we don’t really know each other but can you stay for a bit? My father won’t bother me for a few days and my mom will come by tomorrow afternoon.” You whispered out as you looked over at Johnny. Your nerves were absolutely on fire as you waited for his answer.

“Yeah, I can.” Johnny got off the bed and turned your light off after you asked him to stay, seeing the tiredness in your eyes. You blindly laid down on your bed and reached to grab the blanket on your bed. You were far too tired to fight with anything or anyone. You just wanted to get a few hours of sleep without being interrupted.

“I’m going to go to sleep. You can stay up and do whatever just be a little quiet because my parents will try to come in if you make too much noise.” You closed your eyes as you silently mumbled a prayer. You couldn’t clasp your hands together or get down on your knees as the pain was far too intense for you to move much.

All the adrenaline you had had disappeared by the time you settled back down into your bedroom. Johnny paused in front of you and your bed with hesitation creeping up. He didn’t want to get in bed with you in fear of you pulling away from him.

You moved over slowly and patted the bed beside you, understanding his fear of not wanting to be in bed with you. You felt the bed dip as he got in beside you and you wrapped your arms around one of your pillows and brought it down to your stomach.

You curled around it and closed your eyes as tightly as you could. Your parents wouldn’t come back to your room well into the next day and you were okay with that as you knew your mom would most likely try to make things “right” by bribing you with food or something else she knew you would enjoy.

Your father would only give you a dirty look, making sure you knew he and the men at the church all knew of your sins. Your mom would never gossip because she said that was one of the easiest sins to commit. Your father, on the other hand, loved to tell the other men about how he punished you. You had heard him go into detail about it and it made you feel upset.

Your cheeks was stained with the tears you shed earlier. You were slightly embarrassed to admit that you still cried over the things that happened. You were always told that you would grow out of being sensitive but with every passing day and birthday, you realized you wouldn’t. You still cried over the smallest of things and you couldn’t control the tears once they started. You felt that it wasn’t the biggest issue that you could have and yet, everyone else felt the opposite. They treated you differently based solely on the fact that you were a tad bit more sensitive than they were.

Your blanket was rapidly warming up as you kept it pinned tightly around you, feeling only the slightest bit of guilt for Johnny when you felt his body release a small shake. “Are you cold? Get under here with me.” You moved over and held the blanket up for Johnny to get in with you. You didn’t want to wait for very long so when he moved slower than you wanted, you blindly reached a hand out and pulled him into your bed with you.

His body hit your bed with a thump and you smiled as you turned to face the wall. You didn’t want to bother him or make him feel uncomfortable so you pushed yourself against the wall with an almost silent hiss as your back made full contact with something. You turned onto your stomach and closed your eyes with your body relaxing. You weren’t tired, not really but you needed more sleep especially after what happened.

“I’ll get you out of here. I swear to it.” Johnny whispered out from behind you into the silence of your bedroom.

You laughed quietly as you shook your head. “You can’t and that’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with what’s happening. This is God’s plan.” You shifted and let your foot slip out from under the blanket that shielded you from the outside world.

“This ain’t God’s plan. Man, if God wanted you to be hurt, wouldn’t he just do it himself?” Johnny asked you with a frown on his face. You couldn’t see it but you knew he wasn’t happy with you or the situation.

“I don’t know. God has people on Earth and he uses them to punish.” You responded only for Johnny to wrap an arm around you. He knew he needed comfort after being beat by his folks and assumed you would need/want that same comfort. You never did want that comfort mostly because the only people in your house was the ones who caused the pain in the first place. On top of that, the likelihood of your father stepping off of his high horse and trying to comfort you was almost as likely as seeing a unicorn.

It just wasn’t possible. He believed he was above you and your emotions which, in God’s eyes, he was. You weren’t supposed to complain as that was wrong too. Everything you had been doing as of late was wrong and you were ashamed to admit that you had willingly done most of it.

You felt the arm that was around you tighten around you more as your body shook with the silent sobs that left you. You had been so strong up until that point and now you couldn’t be strong. You were weak and would never live up to the person your parents seen when they looked at you. You were absolutely disgusting.

You closed your eyes and felt yourself drift off into a dreamless sleep.

You were woken up by someone shaking you gently. “You need to get up.” It was Johnny. He was trying to get you up and out of bed. “Come on. Both your parents left and you needa get up. We gotta go.” Johnny finally picked you up off of your bed and put your feet onto the floor of your bedroom.

“Johnny, we can’t leave? They’re my family.” You whispered out as Johnny started putting your things into a small bag.

“My folks are like yours. They ain’t worth nothin’ if they’re hittin’ you.” Johnny looked at you and gestured around. You started putting clothes into the bag before zipping it up and letting Johnny force your dresser from its place in front of your door.

Johnny intertwined your hands together and led you downstairs where the two of you left the house that you were raised in. It was unnerving and really made you feel terrible.

** One Year Later **

You put the notepad into the pocket of your apron. You were waiting for Johnny to come in so he could walk you back to your shared apartment with him. “Hey, baby!” You heard his voice as the bell above the glass door rung, telling you that someone had come in.

“Hi, lovely.” You pressed a kiss onto his cheek as you waved for him to sit at the counter. You were proud of both yourself and your lover. You made it out of whatever hell you had started in. You’d gotten yourself a psychiatrist/psychologist which you couldn’t remember which one it was but you were getting the help that you desperately need.

“Your shift was good?” Johnny asked as you poured some beer into a glass cup. You were the only one running the diner and Johnny would pay and tip you for pouring him a cup. You didn’t need that tip from him as the two of you shared finances but if you didn’t somehow, you would appreciate it.

“It was fine. I seen a man who looked very similar to my father earlier. Thought he’d finally come back to hurt me.” You set the glass in front of him. You leaned over the counter and pressed a kiss to Johnny’s cheek. You were feeling slightly relieved at the thought of your past life. You loved your parents more than anything but with the help of Johnny and a professional, you realized that God never wanted your father to beat you mercilessly.

You watched as Johnny took a sip of his beer. “We can afford for you to go to more of those sessions.” Johnny didn’t know much about your mental situation but he tried the best he could.

“Yeah, I know. He says I’m doing good for now. Says I’ve come a long way.” You walked around the counter and sat beside Johnny, laying your head on his shoulder. Your eyes were on the clock placed on the wall as you shook the thoughts from your head. “When you finish drinking that, we can leave. I’m closing tonight.” You stood up and watched as Johnny finished off the last of the beer.

He handed you the glass and you were quick to wash it. You were excited to go home and lay in bed with Johnny. You had never thought that you would be excited to just lay beside someone but once you and Johnny started to live the peaceful life, you were excited by the small things. You were looking forward to the future. To the days where you would get to see your future children running around.

You finished up with the cleaning and you began locking the diner up. “Oh, I’m so excited! I can’t wait to lay down and go to sleep.” You groaned out as you put the keys into your pocket. You would give them to Maryann in the morning when she came in. For now, you’d focus on the small family you had made for yourself that consisted of a healthier lifestyle, without the abuse.

Even if said abuse would haunt you for the rest of your life, you were at the very least, happy with yourself and the life you and Johnny had created.

#the outsiders #the outsiders x reader #Johnny Cade x reader #x female reader #Johnny Cade x female reader #The outsiders x female reader #Johnny Cade #The outsiders fanfic #the outsiders au #horror au #potentially triggering #horror

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disruptivevoib · 6 months

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I am eternally thinking about how Whole is a concept of the fandom and not canonical at all.

Arguably, maybe someone would say the inclusion of Whole diminishes the original message of the album, to which I do not disagree but I do not agree either.

He changes the context of it, I suppose?

Because the original album, Whole is a concept to be strived for. He is not real, it is always just Heart, Mind, and Soul beneath the surface. They are manifested facilities of the way a person is, how they talk to themselves, the internal conversation. That "psychosocial envy" is the idea of the album. The effect that social standards have on someone who views themself as flawed beyond recognition without any idea how to fit into what the world wants of them.

Soul longs to be Whole because he longs to become what society deems is a person. All of what they are and what they want to be comes in many different forms. It could be any number of internalized ideals of what a man should be, or who you should love, or what you should strive for in life.

Two Wuv as a song is that realization that even after Mind and Heart are better, after they've been able to communicate and function "properly", there is no Whole coming. This is who they are, and that is fine. He is not perfect, he is not what society wants, but he IS a person, and to him, he is Whole.

It is a concept of self forgiveness and grace. The ability to have nuance that what society seeks of you is not so important as truth of the self, owning your flaws and seeming imperfections.

Ultimately, everyone's brain runs differently. Everyone talks to themselves differently, refers to and conceptualizes their inner-world in many ways, and none of it is definable. We have no capable way of putting the way somebody speaks to themself, refers to, and functions within themselves entirely into a box. We are a collection of lived experiences turning itself into informed reactions and responses. If that makes any sense at all.

Of course, the things we have put labels to are definable and are all a part of how we interact with ourself, and there are always commonalities and similarities. There is so much variety in it, being human is fluid...

Anyways.

Without Whole, the "end" of the album means they are in acceptance of one another, that there is a positive relationship with your inner dialogue for some time before something happens and causes a harsh reflection to shatter it all. With him, it is essentially the same, just that there is a more literal or tangible figure to represent that cohesive self-acceptance.

Whole being a tangible character doesn't change Soul, but as I said, informs him more. Whole and Soul are mirror images, they are had to separate and Soul is what Whole is without the interwoven Emotion and Thought.. I suppose. Soul strives for him, and without him, comes to accept this is how it is and who he is. With him, Soul may miss that aspect, or more so, get it only to discover Whole is real, and everything he did worked, but now he sacrifices himself for that.

The dynamic is interesting but incredibly devastating in that regard, especially because it is unlikely Whole's intention to ever split. Nobody wants to have a mental breakdown, y'know?

I could go on about this forever. Whole not being a real character (at least not in the way we often think of him) in the album but something very real and even achievable within the fandom space is.. I dunno, so unique? Its not often fans get to create something that while entirely uncanon to the project, is very important to it.

Side note, what I mean by not how we see him is that Whole is real because they have always been Whole. In album there is no separation. If anything, Concord is like leaving CJ's inner dialogue and witnessing just all of them in tandem being him.

Okay okay. I'm done.

#chonny jash #chonnys charming chaos compendium #voidthoughts #cj heart #cj mind #cj soul #cccc #I could really really keep going forever #I think I find the album itself more satisfying #but in concepting and writing whole being tangible is SO so much more capable of intriguing narrative #long post

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loquaciousquark · 3 months

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Finished the Astarion origin run, got my Honour mode achievement, and have enabled my gold dice.

That said, and despite some very funny things that happened over the course of the run, I really did not enjoy playing as Astarion and don't think I'll be running any other origins anytime soon.

It didn't just feel like I wasn't playing with Tav, it hardly felt like I was playing with Astarion. As a companion he's richly developed, with a beautifully crafted arc and frequent colorful commentary and viciously strong opinions on just about everything Tav does. He grows and changes based on the events of the game and reacts to moments of doubt with fear or courage, depending on where in the plot you are.

Origin Astarion is almost as much a blank slate as Tav, with nearly all of that wonderful color stripped out. Aside from a handful of unique scenes (most notably a nightmare in Act 1 leading into the first bite), everything else happens exactly as it does to Tav, and there's no little voice in the back of your head informing your characterization. No notes on the Araj encounter like, "You fear being touched. Even now it brings up a sense of fear, loathing. Is it worth it to sacrifice your body, to bite this drow, for a potion?" No clear suggestions during your romance that you might have hangups about having spent two hundred years using your body to lure people to their deaths over and over, nothing suggesting outright that you might have some hesitation to engage in sex. Just a dialogue option here and there, one of four, that allows for that choice, if you choose to even think about it in the first place.

Even worse, things like the drow scene--which, in a Tav run, is a moment of great fear and uncertainty for him transformed into a moment of defiance & strength, a pivotal point in his characterization--has been revamped, if you'll pardon the pun. Araj is deferent and polite to origin Astarion, not assumptive and proprietary. She formally requests the bite and is gracious when you say no, and in-universe I couldn't find a single reason for him to be offended or to decline. You don't even find out her blood smells/tastes bad until you bite her; there's no forewarning, no choice, no crisis of exchanging your body for power. No companion steps in and says "you don't have to do this if you don't want to." Tav isn't there to support his first "no" in two hundred years. It's just a transactional offer, no harm no foul, and all the weight of it is yanked away.

It really felt like there was no guidance. All the strong opinions that made Astarion Astarion had been stripped out, and you really could shape him however you wanted, without much input from the narrator or his own history.

I tried my best to stay true to what I thought Astarion would do in each moment, and it turns out without someone (Tav or anyone) checking in on him and occasionally holding him back, he became this hedonistic possessive creature who slept with everyone and loved no one at all, not even himself. Tav wasn't around to make him feel safe, so he took power until he made himself safe. Tav wasn't around to suggest sex could be anything but physical, so he engaged in its physical transaction whenever he could to make sure he had everyone as hooked as possible. It didn't matter the trail of hurt people he left behind him. Nobody bothered to tell him he didn't have to sell his body for a potion. Nobody bothered to tell him they wanted to be with him with or without sex, and after two hundred years, old habits died hard.

Lae'zel - slept with immediately, but after the bruised "everything hurts" feeling the morning after, he decided not to pursue it. Successfully persuaded her to stick around after siding with the Emperor and letting him assimilate Orpheus, not because he really cared if she stayed but because he didn't want to have to expend the energy to fight her.

Gale - had sex with him in the Weave, then broke up with him. He became the God of Ambition at Astarion's encouragement. Probably the most hurt by Astarion's inability to love. As delighted as Astarion was by Gale conjuring up towers and libraries for him, I think for all Astarion's sexual experience he wasn't able to get his footing in the Weave, especially when Gale started growing extra arms and heads. He was put off enough by not having control of the sex that he never wanted to repeat it, and Gale was totally heartbroken.

Wyll - danced with him and kissed him, but broke up with him immediately when he stated he preferred a long courtship & old-fashioned romance. Encouraged Wyll to take as much power as possible, leading to him becoming Grand Duke.

Karlach - flirted with her the whole first and second acts, and for a long time I thought having to actually get to know her as a person and remember her likes & dislikes--actual facts about her outside of her sexual preferences--might finally teach Astarion how to let someone into his heart. Except then, thanks to a series of unfortunate cutscene priorities in late Act 2, other people's romances came first all in a row, and by the time Karlach's night finally triggered, he'd already made his way through Gale, Wyll, and two very tense scenes with Tavish-Emperor, and he'd hardened his heart again after hurting all three of them. Karlach ended up being endgame romance in that he went to Avernus with her, but I don't think he felt anything more than a possessive affection for her by the end. The dialogue option I picked even reflected that; it wasn't the "I know you're afraid to be alone, and this time it'll be different because I'll be with you" choice, it was the "I refuse to allow you to die. Get up and let's go" choice. Unfortunate.

Tavish-Emperor - slept with, and sided with in the final battle. She assimilated Orpheus and ran off into the city, so Lae'zel didn't even get her dragons.

Halsin - slept with regularly, much to Karlach's unhappiness. No real affection here, just a release of tension and I think a very selfish assurance to himself that Karlach didn't "own" him just because she loved him, that he was still free to do whatever he wanted.

Minthara - propositioned him, but because saying yes would have permanent consequences with Karlach, he declined. Again, not because he really cared about hurting Karlach at this point, but because it would get too messy and dramatic afterwards if he didn't.

Shadowheart - did not engage with romantically and ended up catty BFFs, which I honestly found such a relief. She saved Nightsong (mostly because Astarion couldn't be bothered to intervene) and moted her parents. :(

This Astarion also ascended, because that's what his search for power culminated in, and again, there was no one saying "my guy, I love you for who you are right now. You don't have to do this. Not because it would be sad to kill all those people, but because I'd be sad if you became something else." I hated that cutscene the first time I recorded it for the Astarion Supercut and I hated watching it again now as the Astarion origin. I won't be letting that happen again.

Anyway. I know I was in control of the character and could have made different choices, but I was really trying to play him as I thought he would react in those moments, and I didn't care for the outcome at all. I felt like I'd lost almost two whole characters this run, and even with as much as I really like Minthara, I'll be going back to my tried and true (and very much missed) Tavish as a palate cleanser in the next few days.

#astarion #quark plays bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #astarion origin #bummers all around

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wataksampingan · 1 year

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This was supposed to be some form of Therdeo Dane Lapileon Defense Thesis but my brain cannot pull off all the necessary research to do it justice.

So I guess let’s just brain dump all my thoughts and feelings?? About this manhwa?? (Spoilers for the story up to episode 63 on Webtoons and 66 on Naver Webtoons)

...this also gets FAR too long so cut is here for sanity’s sake. Tl;dr Theo Lapileon is a wounded puppy and I want him to be happy gdi

I need to preface the Theo content by saying that I adore Pereshati. I think she’s one of the more realistic heroines that I’ve read, in the sense that she’s plucky and determined but she damn well knows how the game is played. Every move she makes is plagued with doubt and uncertainty coz she’s only a minor noble, and one with an unbelievable story at that. (Resurrecting after being fed poisonous blood and getting thrown back in time is a stretch for anyone). But whenever she does decide to do something, she handles herself with the kind of poise you’d expect from a grown woman who knows how polite society works. It’s the kind of elegance and maturity that the novel’s Perry doesn’t have.

I wonder very much how seungu would have thrown Perry into Theo’s way if they had had full control of the adaptation because the first... 10? episodes or so reads very much like a typical isekai manhwa: she’s murdered, she awakes, and then immediately besieges Theo with a proposal, simply because he needs to marry someone to get the emperor/princess off his back. The Perry we see currently in the latest chapters would likely have done something smarter/more socially acceptable/conventional simply because imperial pressure or no, why the fuck would the grand duke entertain a minor noble they’ve never met before?

Granted, this is quite in line with Theo’s character in the first few episodes as well (which is lampshaded in a later chapter AND I LOVED IT) whose excuse for entertaining her absurd request/proposal is just “I got curious about the woman who kept bombarding us with messages”. The Theo we see later, who just burns letters from the Fourth Princess Dodolea without even thinking about it, would have hardly buckled under that kind of insistence.

This is all pure speculation of course because the artist, seungu, has no social media I could trace. The original novel’s writer, Han Yoonseol, has Twitter and various socmed that show an active writing career and interest in the MILAOWM webtoon. But the artist? Nothing, apart from their work. They’ve completed a previous series (Google translated to “New Year’s Taste”) but that also seems like an adaptation. I have no access to their thought process, rationale or any inkling of why certain decisions were made.

Whatever the case though, those decisions so far have me hooked. They’re making changes that reflect something more... realistic, with higher stakes and actual consequences for the actions of the characters. E.g. you can’t humiliate, much less threaten, members of the nobility at a public function in front of a crowd without some sort of retaliation. Theo in the novel actually threatens to kill a nobleman in cold blood in front of a gathered audience whereas Theo in the manhwa does this in private.

Well, I say threaten. In the manhwa, he has just a fraction of the dialogue Novel!Theo says. Just one or two lines before he snaps and is about to decapitate a mofo before being restrained by his guards. The bullying incident that precipitates this is also dealt with realistic actions and importantly, contains a reflection on Perry’s part about the power and privilege the Lapileons have in this universe. I don’t know if this foreshadows anything but my mind has gone as far as the dissolution of the empire/defection to an enemy kingdom (and the loss of their noble titles) by the end of the whole manhwa. Far-fetched? Maybe, but I have so much faith in seungu by now and so little idea of what they’re planning that I won’t be surprised.

Manhwa!Therdeo Lapileon is also extremely taciturn and poker-faced, to all the natural disadvantages this sort of personality entails. Everything we know about him is told in silent images, or expressions we explicitly don’t see. This is a man who believes in actions over words, who has no idea that open communication is a Thing and that doing stuff behind a person’s back without telling them can backfire at times (”I’m gonna have someone follow my wife’s ex-fiance around without telling her, and that got her kidnapped. SHIT.”) And all the backstory that’s been hinted at so far gives us very sad explanations how he turned out this way.

One could very justifiably argue that actually, the entire Lapileon family is a collection of sad iron woobies. Saoirse lost her husband and only son because of her own blood, Phineas is doing his level best to save his family but keeps seeing them die despite his medical expertise, Gloria probably had a HELL of a marriage to survive this long, and the poor children have had their own bouts of suffering and daddy issues. And of course there’s also Pereshati who’s been murdered about 3-4 times at this point, and lost a most beloved father to a stepmother she loved to the moon and back.

BUT. Theo.

If the housekeeper’s flashback in Episode 47 is anything to go by, and if I’m guessing right, Theo and Saoirse’s father (maybe grandfather? Unclear at this point but let’s go with father for now) was a nightmare of a man. Slaughtering servants for infractions was probably a regular threat in the Lapileon home, and judging from that flashback during the episodes when they first find Islette, so was torturing and testing his younger son’s limits. His survival in the family was due to his “usefulness”.

One can suspect that of the three siblings, Theo was the one with the softest heart. We have no idea what his older brother (Celphi’s dad) was like yet and Saoirse is a Lapileon to the core: toughened enough to do what is needed, hardened even further by tragedy. She’s also a mom, which is why harming Islette earned Gen a rightful and vicious stiletto-heels-to-the-face-ass kicking. It also gets Theo a reprimand: get his shit together or step down from the headship of the family.

(And I’m just. Saoirse, honey, I love and respect you immensely and to be stepped on by your footwear of choice would be my honour. But that’s your younger brother we’re talking about. And he’s been emotionally sucker punched in just about every aspect. He’s trying, okay?)

I’m just saying that when you’re a child, and abused to that degree, sympathy from the devil is still sympathy. Of course it echoes to the present day even as a full-grown, supposedly rational adult. Of course it’s going to fuck you up.

You were also probably raised to put family above all (witness Theo not trusting Perry with the full truth of Celphi’s condition until circumstances force his hand, Saoirse only fully warming up to her once it’s clear she loves Celphi without any ulterior motive, Gloria immediately expecting her to be wrong about the family blood being sold, only to be confounded by the awful truth that this stranger to the family was right). You’ve been operating on the full expectation that any Lapileon would follow that creed. How could they not? Their curse is too great a responsibility.

Then you’re forced to confront the devil who once gave you rare comfort as a child, and that devil bears your family name and blood. Not only does he spout the most heinous things you’ve never imagined, he also manages to hit you where it hurts: you have used your blood. You have used it for your own benefit. Are you truly no better than he is? Who are you to judge him?

(Never mind that the devil is a liar and is trying to save his own ass which is why Saoirse, who has a better understanding of her own identity and self-worth, doesn’t give him enough time to say anything - she just kicks the shit out of him)

Is it any wonder Theo hesitates to do anything harsher?

Everything he does implies a reluctance to inflict lethal force if it can be helped. Perry remarks on it when he first removes Schiff without killing him the day they got married. He doesn’t even draw his sword on the assassin at the parade, merely KICKING HIM INTO ORBIT subduing him long enough to be taken in by the guards. The only times he has killed someone in the story is Perry’s ex-fiance who had kidnapped and blackmailed her, and... well, Perry herself.

(Which again goes back to that weird early episode installment - how do you reconcile him feeding her his blood in such a cavalier manner with the gravity of his responsibility as head of the family to ensure their blood isn’t used exactly like that?

You give him a HUGEASS dose of remorse and guilt later on when Gen accuses him of also using the blood to his own advantage, and then have him offer a sincere apology to the woman he experimented on.)

He also very nearly murdered the father of the child who bullied his ward. But even that was prevented by Raymon, the guard. This is more speculation on my part but his personal guards - who are all loyal to him beyond a doubt - may have been instructed (by him?) to restrain Theo, maybe to make sure he doesn’t repeat the sins of his father who just murdered people as and when it suited him. I don’t know if seungu would even bring this up at some point but I’ll be thrilled if that is the case.

This abusive childhood is compounded by the trauma of war. Theo specifically is credited with just swooping in out of the blue and ending the conflict between the Castor Empire and the kingdom of Schwartz. His reaction to being hailed a hero is to show up covered in blood to report to the emperor, and then disappear back to the country without attending any ceremonies. It earns him the notorious reputation of being “the bloodthirsty war fiend”.

Judging from Episode 13, what he really earned was a lifelong diagnosis of PTSD and various other neuroses. “Fuck this noise, I’m going home” was a reasonable reaction from a man who has no care or time for polite society. I'd go a bit further to suggest he also didn’t want to hear his actions being lauded as heroic when all he experienced was violence and death (re: that line about him being glad his statue was destroyed, that it’d been a stain on his honour). Whatever he did was to satisfy the emperor who has some form of hold over him, and absolutely no respect for the Lapileons (every single reaction from any imperial family member, even creepy Dodolea, has been sneering condescension or reluctant compliments). So from that perspective, why the hell would he have stayed to schmooze at the castle?

There are no therapists in Castor clearly coz Theo does what most soft-hearted introverts do and represses the shit out of his trauma. Just... stuff it WAY down into the depths of his subconscious and never address it because what the fuck else would you expect him to do? Talk about his ~*~feelings~*~ in the Lapileon house where weakness is a death sentence? No, he bundles it all behind his iron mask and resigns himself to literal nightmares for the rest of his existence.

The timeline has yet to be properly established, but I'm guessing that he comes back from war only to find that his brother has died and sister-in-law has just upped and left. Which means baby Celphi is left in his care. I’m not sure why Saoirse wasn’t the one to adopt him, but I’m guessing since he’s the next in line to the grand dukedom, it ‘makes sense’ that Grand Duke Therdeo has to be in charge of him. (Saoirse not being able to become head of the family just because she’s a woman is another sticking point that I suspect will be key to resolving this entire mess) (how/when exactly he becomes Theo’s ward is subject to many theories since the timeline of the story hasn’t been actually clearly explained; a guess that a friend and I have settled on is perhaps at the time, securing Celphi’s place as a ‘spare heir’ after Saoirse, Saoirse’s son and Theo in the line of succession would have been a practical decision. Either that or, more plausibly, Theo saw Celphi in himself and just decided to adopt the boy. Which makes this next part even more tragic)

The image of Theo in a soldier’s uniform looking helplessly into the cradle, with baby Celphi reaching up to him, broke me when I first saw it. It explains every mistake Theo made in trying to raise him.

He was a soldier. What the hell would he know about raising children (even if the theory that he chose to adopt this boy is correct)? He loves this tiny child with every breath, and he’d do anything for Celphi - but most of what he knows is how to fight and die. How the fuck does that help?? Not only that, his only experience of fatherhood is the shadow of a man who abused him so severely. What is that supposed to teach a man about parenting?

Clearly not much, considering his very shocked reaction when Celphi ends up demanding what he was supposed to think when his guardian/uncle kept ignoring him all the time while he was growing up.

And the boy is correct. Theo has no answer. He fucked up (again), and he didn’t know he was fucking up so hard.

But my god, he keeps trying to make up for it. It’s awkward and uncomfortable, but Theo shows up every day to pick him up from school with Perry; he’s even glad Celphi yells at him about killing Perry because that means he’s not turning out to be Therdeo 2.0. Celphi is expressing feelings and opinions and even if they turn the boy against him, so be it - at least it’s coming out. It may be too late for Theo to learn how to express emotions but at least his ward won’t make the same mistakes.

Which is why IT HURTS SO MUCH IN EPISODE 63 TO SEE HIM SO CRESTFALLEN. After suggesting to Perry she stay away from the Lapileon house for a while, she says she will and the dialogue translates to:

“Thank you for your kind consideration.”

THERE ARE THREE - T H R E E - PANELS where his face/expression isn’t shown at all but you can ABSOLUTELY TELL HE’S 360 DEGREES OF ANGUISHED.

This woman - this beacon of hope that he’s come to have feelings for (all the subtle blushing and unseen pining looks have been sprinkled very well throughout the chapters so far) - has just had to go through the ordeal of a trial (along with months of preparation before that) where she had to send her stepmother to 35 years of hard labour, among other things, for the murder of her father. She's just had to reconcile the mother she knew with the killer sitting in the dock, and the cries of a stepsister she once loved. And all this with the knowledge that it's the Lapileons’ blood that ultimately killed her father. There’s a stray thought that poisonous blood or no, her stepmother would have found some way to kill her dad.

But it doesn’t change how it was their blood - his blood - that killed Count Zahardt. It is Lapileon blood that has tortured Perry, the woman responsible for bringing out the best in his adopted son, discovering little Islette and bringing warmth back to this frozen wasteland of a household (to paraphrase Daniel Molton who is a treat of a character, I love him so much).

Yes, he's essentially thrown his immense resources into legal recourse, released her from their obligatory contract, and offered her help in being independent and free from them. He's done many, many things to try and make her current situation comfortable.

Yet the fact remains that she basically rescued so many parts of his life, and he inadvertently destroyed hers. Nothing he does will bring her father back.

Yet she won’t curse him or his family, won’t demand any form of recompense, won’t even give him the cold shoulder, despite everything in her that says she should. Her line “leave me be so I can resent you” is so good and so sad and my HEART disintegrated.

The most ironic thing is that Theo would’ve probably understood that reaction better. The justified reaction would have been to storm and rage at him. He knows what to do with anger.

Instead, she said thank you for your kind consideration.

And he can’t say anything to that as she walks away.

HIS LIFE HAS BEEN AND IS FUCKING SAD. AND IT’S GOING TO GET WORSE.

Episode 64 is already up on Naver and Dodolea is about to do a NUMBER on his ALREADY VERY FRAGILE PSYCHE. What she calls love - and what some of us may have suspected as straightforward obsession for his attentions - is seeming more and more like a love of torturing him, and watching him squirm.

He has to sit for a portrait in the palace (emperor’s orders probably because he just wants to jerk Theo’s chain around), and cannot escape when she comes into the room to sit and watch. There’s no good reason for him to leave, so he just has to grit his teeth and bear it.

And she laughs at his discomfort. She laughs and calls it “cute”.

The rage and fear in his face when she does so is alarming from someone whose poker face is usually immaculate. It sucks so much strength/spirit from him that it alarms Daniel who greets him at the house. I have a feeling that he’s about to just shatter into pieces since Episode 66′s thumbnail has him turned away, lying on a pillow. And then I will shatter, coz this dude CANNOT catch a break.

At some point, I came to the conclusion that Theo was soft-hearted and I cannot tell you when exactly that was. It's testament to how seungu weaves in his quiet charm throughout the chapters so we can see why Perry might possibly fall for him apart from his handsome face (even if at this point, that is the FURTHEST thing from her mind). There are huge things of course like rescuing her from her kidnapping and financing her legal battles.

But the little warm things speak volumes: learning how to dance so he could accompany her to a ball, saying yes immediately when she suggests maybe he could just reply to people, telling the servants to make her special tea when he found out she also had trouble sleeping, bringing a hot water pack(?) to ease her cramps, rushing back for her auction, squeezing her hand as he helps her into the carriage because that’s all he can do after the trial. (seungu did you also watch Pride and Prejudice (2005)? Did you see the hand flex scene and immediately decide to use this? Inquiring minds must know. Also inquiring minds screamed when they first saw that scene becausE HAND TOUCHES ARE GOLD BULLION IN SLOW BURNS) And just his face (?? back of his head?? seungu never gives us any idea what he looks like when he’s in ‘oops fell in love AGAIN’ mode)

BUT SOMEHOW YOU CAN JUST TELL:

They all tell the story of a broken man who has made so many mistakes, but he can be kind and attentive, and tries hard to do what’s right (even if it takes him awhile to figure out what’s right, coz again: he’s Fucked Up). He’s also a socially awkward dork who ignores people at parties coz he doesn't know how to behave as expected. And resembles a really sad puppy when he disappoints Perry.

I could speculate a lot more on what/who the fuck Dodolea actually is and how she’s related to the Lapileon’s curse, but I also know this manhwa has steered some distance away from the webnovel. So I cannot really tell if the plot lines will be similar.

I’ll probably be back after the plot progresses further so I can scream some more. I’ve been shrieking on Twitter but that site is subject to a hungry ghost’s whims and I can’t hide spoilers/rambling behind cuts there. So here it will have to be.

Hang in there, your grace.

#theo lapileon #pereshati jahardt #is this character analysis? plot analysis? the ramblings of a diseased mind??#ALL THREE?#episode 63 sent me into the stratosphere #which is why you get this disorganised tangled mess of word vomit #my in laws are obsessed with me #my in-laws are obsessed with me #MILAOWM #apparently it should have been Theodore Lapileon and Princess Dahlia??#that makes way more sense #OH WELL dodolea is funnier anyway LMAO

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rriavian · 3 months

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Do you think Morpheus knows deep inside that Corinthian is his mirror? The reflection of his own darkness and desire?

Jessamy my beloved! I love getting asks from you! They are always the most interesting questions to really make me think about how to put my thoughts into words! <3 Sorry it took so long to answer this one (think I broke my record for time taken to answer an ask eek)!

I had this typed out nearly ready to post but got very distracted by Corintheus week! Can't believe it's February already, I hope you’re having a good New Year so far 😊

Does Morpheus know that the Corinthian is his mirror?

I think that Dream does, and that in some ways he holds himself responsible for the difficulty of it, because I think we can all agree that it’s a lot for any singular creation of his to embody. On the flipside of this you could argue that Fiddler’s Green is supposed to be a reflection of the light—the ‘heart’ of the Dreaming, a representation of pure life giving creation—with Gault as the fluid, transformative, link between all three of the major arcana. I think I’ve talked briefly about this before but it’s relevant again for this question.

Her place as a link between the two extremes, and her transformative powers, makes sense for why Gault would want to become a dream (and perhaps another reason why Dream agreed in the end) but it also suggests how complicated the facets of Dream’s identity are.

(I could probably make an entire separate post on this but! Moving on!)

All three major arcana reject him just as the rest of his creations do, are the last to return to the Dreaming and none of them do it by choice. Even Fiddler’s Green needs to first be tracked down. The Corinthian is found at the convention where Dream takes responsibility for making him the way he is, designating his rebellion as his own failure. The Corinthian was his masterpiece but I think Dream might now consider that as designing too ambitious a spec, the coding perfect but corrupted in the end. I think that assessment could be why he highlights the Corinthian’s purpose as being a dark mirror for humanity instead of one for himself, despite how closely those two things seem to be bound.

Not necessarily changing his mind, just changing the emphasis.

But, as I said, I also think Dream made the Corinthian for it. To be able to take it. Or at least hoped that he would—another reason why he might have said that he’d had so much hope for him, why Dream was so disappointed—not constructed to be given a burden, not supposed to be that at all. In many ways I think that’s why he’s a major arcana. But the Corinthian also has his own unique darkness, perhaps finding its origins in his creators but without its place in Dream’s larger puzzle it expresses differently, the exploration of what happens to a counterpoint to a dream that isn’t held internally.

The Corinthian is far more selfish with his darkness, lives out all that desire and need the way Dream can’t (and won’t), can embody it wholeheartedly because he’s not supposed to be balanced in the same way.

Yet in doing so he offers balance; can offer that to Dream, the same way he allows darker human impulses a chance to take center stage.

An outlet for it all.

All of Dream’s creations in some way seem to be that, a combination of the restriction of a role and the individuality of personality, might have a set purpose but have choices in how they carry out what they are. The same as Dream really. They are concepts personified, ideas and emotions that might originate in another, whether it be humanity or their creator, but they’ve been given their own voice.

It's no one way dictation…a dialogue with humanity because their function is to speak back.

So yes, I think that Dream knows that the Corinthian is his dark mirror far better than the Corinthian himself does. I think he knows how important he is in a way the Corinthian doesn’t see (the way the rest of his creations sometimes can’t see about themselves either).

I think the existence of a dark mirror (and other such representations) are a way in which Dream keeps emotionally healthy, just as they are a way for humans to keep emotionally healthy, and you could even argue that it’s how his creations keep themselves healthy too. Change and growth are certainly positive aspects of life, but like anything that’s not necessarily universal, because so is embracing what you are. Who you are. Without referencing my own neurodivergence too much, I think we can all understand circumstances where forcing oneself to change is far from a good and healthy thing.

Acceptance of the parts of oneself that we struggle with/have a tricky relationship with is a big part of what dreams and nightmares help humans to do.

It’s a big part of what a nightmare does.

Ok, this is getting long, so I’m going to make one final point. So I think that Dream could have spent centuries living vicariously through the Corinthian’s nightmarish nature and then finding that crucial mechanism corrupted, poisoned, when the Corinthian suddenly started killing dreamers in the Waking World. I don’t think that’s one of Dream’s desires at all, secret or otherwise, and I think it repulsed him to the point of potentially threatening to destabilise the rest of the system.

Perhaps Dream found his own darkness felt tainted by a reflection that (however intentional the rejection was) no longer wanted to mirror him.

In killing dreamer's the Corinthian was showing how he no longer wanted to mirror humanity (wanted to take from them instead, thought that a better match for what he was made for) and in doing so denied not only Dream, but his own identity too in no longer wanting to be what he was. For someone like Dream I think killing the dreamer’s would have been deeply offensive, an incredibly personal insult, a perversion of his function and an attack on what agency he has to fulfill it.

Whatever disgruntlement Dream may have with his role, he was then faced with the result of how instead of having a healthy outlet, those feelings could have been twisted/warped within the Corinthian's own unique mix of individuality and function. Perhaps in many ways it felt like being forced to kill his dreamers with his own hands.

And I think that was why when Dream found him in Berlin he was so quick to decide to unmake the Corinthian on the spot.

#thank you so much for the ask!#as always I took a while #but I will always always answer every ask #Jessamy my love <3 #the sandman #dream of the endless #corintheus #sandman tv meta #kinda #rria tries to write meta #show based as I'm more familiar with it

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the-crow-binary · 9 months

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Alright, it's time.

As someone who is pro-"adaptations should differ in some ways from the original material" because that's basically the definition of "adaptation", NFCV is a good example of the limit it has to have. Or, at least, the limits I have.

When one wants to adapt a story from one media to another, sacrifices are bound to be made. Changes are meant to happen. You cannot put, in your adaptation, every single detail the original material had. It would be too long, you need to choose the most important parts of the original media in order to make it shine properly. Wich means some characters will have to be erased, some plots too, all in order for the adaptation to offer a fluent and enjoyable experience for everyone. Even those who already know the original material. Of course, those people will sometimes feel sad about a part or a character they really liked but didn't see in the adaptation... but that doesn't make the adaptation bad.

In my opinion, what makes an adaptation good, is when it respects the core of the original work. It can be many things (and it's multifactorial). The message it wants to pass on, it's universe, it's characters, it's lore... it varies from work to work (you can have work focusing on a main character's story, in this case making an adaptation without this character doesn't make sense. It can be a work telling the stories of a world, in this case, with no main protagonist, an adaptation can change the characters...). You can add many changes to a work you are adapting to a new media (or new audience), but it stops being a faithful or "good" adaptation the moment you erase the core of the original work.

And that's why Netflixvania is not a good adaptation.

Ignoring the questionable writing, the "CHURCH BAD" theme, the overdose of curses and gross dialogues (and so many other nasty writing stuff)... Netflixvania misses the point of the franchise it's adapting entirely. And the few easter eggs here and there are not enough to make up for it.

You can make Alucard bisexual. You can make the Belmont clan a noble family in Trevor's era. You can make Isaac black. Those are details that does not affect the core of the franchise. It might make a few grind their teeth, but that's all. No, the problems go way deeper than that.

Castlevania's core is it's themes. It's lore. Castlevania is the story of a seemingly endless cycle of revenge, tragedy and wars. Of generational trauma, with the Belmonts fated to hunt the night and kill Dracula centuries after centuries with no escape. It's this theme of having to fight evil all the time because it will never truly go away, with or without the Belmont clan. Dracula is not just a vampire king ruling over vampires, he's the Demon King. He's the Dark Lord. He's Chaos personified, with Death as his servant and confidant. He rules over so much more than just vampires (and there is more than two humans who swore their lives to him). And he brought this fate upon himself.

The Belmonts are not just a clan. They are humanity's symbol of hopes, dreams and strenghth. They are total opposites to and complete Dracula. The Belmont-Dracula duality is essential to the Castlevania franchise. They are the pillars of Castlevania.

What themes does NFCV has? Church bad. Humans bad. Christianity dumb. A bit of father-son tragedy.

The only common theme is this father-son tragedy, but it is barely touched (we don't even have the time to fully appreciate Dracula and Alucard's relationship before and after they first fought.) and it became one of the main themes of the cartoon. And it would've been fine... if the adaptation didn't threw out the window what made Castlevania Castlevania in the same breath.

Trevor doesn't have any duality with Dracula here. We barely mention the fact Leon went to Transylvania to hunt Dracula down. We don't feel any deep connection, when in the games, Leon was literally Dracula's friend. They worked together, fought together, they were unstoppable together, and when Mathias turned, he offered Leon eternity by his side. He cared deeply. And Leon decided... no. His own morals, his dead betrothed's wishes, they came first. And so came these lines from Leon:

"You have become a cursed being and I will never forgive you. This whip and my kinsmen will destroy you someday. From this day on, the Belmont Clan will hunt the night."

And this is why Trevor had to be the one to kill Dracula. Alucard still could've had his tragic moment, seeing his father dying by the hands of his friend is really messed up, and it would've make a potential SoTN adaptation where he would have to kill Dracula by himself this time more powerful (we'll get to Nocturne in due time.). But it isn't what happened. Trevor barely participated in the fight. It was a Dracula VS Alucard starring Trevor and Sypha.

Trevor isn't Dracula's friend, but this promise, this curse Leon put on his own family so long ago, it created a kind of bond beetween Dracula and Belmonts that would last for centuries. I talked about them, about how deep it goes, here and here. Dracula created the Belmonts as they are now. The Belmonts created Dracula as he is now, too.

NFCV doesn't care about that. NFCV turned Dracula into a vampire lord not even capabe of keeping his own generals in line. NFCV belittled the Belmont clan's importance (one brief scene where the court (mostly Carmilla) is like "oh, what, a Belmont? one of those vampire hunters? alive? wtf" is not enough). NFCV belittled Trevor himself (a few nice-looking fight scenes is not enough). It belittled the Vampire Killer (the most powerful Castlevania weapon, created with alchemy and infused with the soul of Leon's betrothed. there is so much tragic story potential around this weapon alone). It belittled EVERYTHING it took from the games. And I haven't even touch Isaac and Hector (they deserve their own post), who have been done so, so dirty.

NFCV ignored so many things that gave Castlevania his identity that it just became it's own thing, wich butcher the franchise's name. So many NFCV fans don't know the games even exist, or mix it up with the cartoon when they have little to nothing in common (Lords of Shadow had more in common than NFCV. And it was not insulting to the OG universe). And let's not get started on people praising the show for being "better" and how some character got "improved" when in reality, it's written by people who don't get said characters or games and stop at the surface. Just like they stop at NFCV's surface. That's why they think it's good. (loving a show doesn't mean said show is good, sorry)

I used to think "it's okay if the adaptation is not faithful, as long as it's good/enjoyable". And you know what? This kind of mentality is what lead to NFCV. I no longer stand by it. (maybe I should thank NFCV for making me see my limits)

And that's not because I'm a purist. As I said earlier, I'm all for adaptations making changes. But I am also all for respecting the source material as well ("respecting" just doesn't mean "doing everything exactly the way it was originally" to me, unlike... way too much people). And NFCV is not.

And as a show itself, ignoring the "adaptation" part? It's not that great either. If you get critical and think deeper about things, you'll start to see everything that is wrong. It's easier to ignore the problems and enjoy the parts you do like when you don't know the games. It's almost impossible to do when you do know and love the games. When you need to turn off your brain to truly enjoy a show, it's not the proof of a great writing.

But oh... That is only the first Netflixvania. :) This far, you can actually call it faithful to the games, compared to the soon to air Nocturne. :) (it actually hurts me to say)

You cannot look at the trailer and pretend it's even trying to be Castlevania. It's an original work who stole Castlevania's name and characters. With the first serie, you could've use the first, maybe the second season to pretend it was trying but "oh, the games don't have enough story to adapt" (shitty excuse btw). But here? Oh, no. No no no. It is NOT trying anything.

It happens during the french revolution, it seems it's gonna tackle racism and slavery (I do NOT trust the show to portray the french revolution correctly. nor racism. nor anything). Richter's tragedy is apparently going to revolve around the death of his mother, so you can say bye bye to the whole generational trauma and the weight of centuries of his family hunting Dracula (since it's not where NFCV went to begin with) and protecting the world now being on his shoulder and how it affects his psyche and- I mean DAMN. That is such a DOWNGRADE. But it's only the trailer. We'll have to wait for the whole season to air to see how bad it truly is. But I do not trust them to make Richter, one of the most beloved Castlevania characters, shine the way he deserves. I do not trust them to make Castlevania shine at all. Nothing this far can make a games' fan think of said games (probably because it's not for the games' fans.)

But we know it won't be about Richter anyway. Just like NFCV, it will be about everyone but the Belmont of the show. I mean it's logic, since it's the way NFCV went. At least that's coherent.

And everyone knows the sole reason why they went from ""CV3"" to ""RoB/SotN"" directly is because of Alucard, the true main character of NFCV. The trailer just dropped and you already have people asking where Alucard is.

There is so much details I could rant about. But this isn't about details (nor ranting, really). This isn't about every little thing that only makes the cartoon even more of an insult to the games (even if those details, piling up, ARE important). This is about the bigger picture. This is about Castlevania's heart getting crippled and shat on in favor of a pseudo-mature show getting off to his pseudo-deepness.

Games and shows are different medias and thus, are bound to have different ways to tell their stories. One is not lesser than the other. The Castlevania games have a story. It has a lore. It has themes. It's character have personnalities. But it's not a cartoon. It cannot show it by literally making the characters talking about how deep they are. They can't make cutscenes just to tell "I have a tragic backstory". It has to be shown in more subtle ways. It uses the decors. It uses the way the characters stand, or walk, or attack. It exploits the few cutscenes and dialogues to tell the most important informations. And yes, sometimes, it has to use the manual to give infos about the lore or characters. That is not a lesser way to do so. It's a way to adapt to the games' limits in order to tell their story. (also, CoD literally have two mangas to it's name. make your choice on wich version you like most)

There is so, so much potential in Castlevania. And if you get into the games, if you play them, if you just read the wiki or look at the posts of people talking about the lore, the characters, the games and analyzing them, you'll know... NFCV is a waste of an adaptation.

#castlevania #netflixvania #maybe people say castlevania has no story because lots of it is told in hints #and you have to actually think and make deductions instead of turning your brain off and eating solely what the games gave you #sigh. big. big sigh.

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seyaryminamoto · 16 days

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Do you have any particular thoughts on Netflix Avatar Season 1? I haven't watched it myself but I would be curious to hear what you have to say.

I do indeed! I didn't watch it right away, but I have watched it indeed. I think there are merits to certain changes they did, I can see the sense in many of them, that doesn't mean EVERYTHING they changed was good, but it does feel like they were engaging with the original content in a far more creative way than a lot of people are willing to acknowledge or try themselves. No, it isn't a perfect remake of ATLA, but being the critic that I have been of the original show, nobody could ever convince me that the original was perfect, just as this new show isn't perfect.

I want to make a big post on the subject one day and try to get to everything it brought up... once I have more time on my hands, I'll try to do that. But, to give you a bit to chew on... I'll try to do one good vs. one bad on my part, of whatever I can remember right now.

GOOD: I actually do not mind the multiple prologues in the first episode, even though I don't think the changes were handled perfectly. I do believe that showing the genocide is not nearly as bad a choice as a lot of people pretend it is (the way it was portrayed is questionable mostly from a tactical point of view but that's just me being a freak about that... studying basic warfare really fucks up your suspension of disbelief when it comes to war scenes). Mainly, I think it IS important to show it due to the amount of people who are still convinced that Aang didn't suffer nearly as much as most other popular characters did -- that soooo many people have made these claims without a care in the world throughout the twenty years since ATLA first aired proves that the genocide was not treated with the severity it should have been by the OG show. I'm not even sorry to say it. It doesn't feel like a trivialization of violence, it feels like actually setting straight the degree of violence a genocide entails. People asking for a less intense version of genocide basically appear to be asking for the actual gravity of such events to be sanitized so they can chew on them more easily... and that's exactly what leads to it being trivialized, minimized and not taken seriously, if you ask me.

BAD: I don't particularly like the way Fire Lords are so... casual with commoners. Both Ozai and Sozin stood on the same level as a rebel/spy right before setting them on fire, no doubt it's meant to be some sort of flex, but... men of their ideologies and pride would not want to be up close and personal with anyone they consider that far beneath them. Odd choice there, imo.

MOSTLY GOOD: Aang does feel way more serious and has much more dramatic gravitas in everything he does. And this is not a bad choice, in essence. I don't particularly love that they tried to lessen it with occasional "Aang's a silly kid!" verbal reminders that don't actually have any proper visual evidence, because most the silly things he's up for are things the two older kids (Sokka and Katara) are perfectly fine with doing too, hence, he doesn't feel childish at all and it comes off out of place for him to talk about being more childish than he actually is. So... they really didn't need dialogue to try to emphasize his childhood if they weren't going to write him being a goofball. It's fine if he isn't one. He always could be a more serious character, it's only a problem when there's no further substance to him than just brooding (which is what I remember from the Shyamalan movie...).

WEIRD: Aang and Katara both had weird scenes of standing around doing nothing but smiling at their hometowns in episode 1. Maybe it was done as a parallel between them, but it felt a bit... overly theatric? If that makes sense? Like... I know we need to see their daily lives and the context in which they've lived... but it doesn't feel entirely logical for that to happen with them just standing in place and smiling fondly at their world. Most people do not do that in their daily lives...?

GOOD: ... Contrary to what a lot of the fandom seems to think, I actually like the suuuuuper slowburn Kataang here because any potential romantic payoff those two might get isn't nearly as in-your-face as it was in canon. The way their friendship is growing feels far more organic. And some of my favorite character moments in the show were actually between them. Which is not something I'd EVER say about the original show. There's a different sense of maturity for the characters here, and I like that.

BAD: I... do not like Sokka's changes. No, it's not about the sexism. It makes sense to me that this aspect of his character would be changed, updated in a sense: you can even still read him as sexist in some regards! It just isn't as simplistic and straightforward as it was before. But that's... not what bugs me the most. The show genuinely surprised me by taking him far more seriously as a character than I anticipated they would, but they absolutely picked weird choices with him in stuff like his family issues (... the Hakoda changes are just straight-up cringe for me, there's no justification for making him some sort of bitchy soccer mom who congratulates his son but then shits on him behind his back??), his insecurities as a warrior and the frequent remarks about how maybe that's not his path in life even though he does just fine at it, and... his romantic relationships. It's wild, because I actually think they did Sukka a thousand times better than it is in canon, and yet in doing so, they absolutely deadlocked themselves into a whole other problem: Sokka bonding that much with Suki and then hitting on a random Fire Nation soldier like two episodes later?? Then having the romance of his lifetime with Yue by the end of the season?? Ngl, it feels like we're watching one of those sitcoms where characters switch love interests in the blink of an eye. Changing this element of his character this way, when Suki's romance in particular was given new qualities and way more substance... may not have been a great call since it makes him come off insanely shallow, ready to get with any girl he comes across, and frankly, he didn't feel like that in the original show to me. He's also not really funny when he's supposed to be? Part of what made Sokka funny originally was his role as a voice of reason while everyone else ignored him. They occasionally tried to mimic that here... but in ways that didn't really work? Also, the Ron-Weasley-In-HP-Movies brand of comedy of "watch this guy scream, it's soooo funny" is... so trite at this point. Please, don't. Personally, this really feels like a whole other character who isn't Sokka. And some people might think that's great... I'm not one of them. Maybe I'm just experiencing the crisis a lot of people are over Katara with Sokka? But where changes with her do seem to go for things I actually wasn't fond of in her character, I don't really feel like they did better with Sokka in the least.

GOOD: ... "Katara learned waterbending too fast", they say: she did in canon too. A month of training under Pakku is not nearly enough time to justify her being deemed a master in canon. Complaining about how she didn't get that training at all here and still got deemed a master gets a "meh" out of me because I frankly do not see it being remotely as different from what canon did as people want to think it is. Katara was fighting Pakku with way too much power in the OG show for a kid who never got formal training to begin with, and somehow nobody minds that. I don't think someone who was on that level of power in the OG show was nearly as inferior to a seasoned master as a bunch of people want to believe. So... outrage about how they sped up her learning process when we in fact see a LOT more internal growth for Katara, and a lot more depth to her bending source here, makes no sense to me.

Along with that: bending has always been connected with a bender's internal energy, which is related to their peace of mind and internal balance. This show did not invent that. Firebenders are the ones who are most explicitly shown to be connected to their feelings that way, sure, but if you needed ATLA or LOK to non-stop feature characters talking about how a person's chakras had to be cleansed and their hearts clear and their every spiritual thread cleaned up in order to reach their best possible shapes as benders? You probably have bigger problems in analyzing this show than just whining over whatever the liveaction did. A straightforward connection for Katara with her emotions and bending isn't a negative choice in the slightest to me, more so with a character who has constantly been characterized as deeply connected to her emotions: it makes sense that her bending works and evolves the way it does in the liveaction to me. Sorry not sorry.

BAD: Zhao. Uh... I've seen people say they like him here? I felt like I was watching a con artist. It's not the actor's fault, clearly he was given this concept to work with and he did the best he could with it, but the idea of removing Zhao from all prior connection to the Royal Family, making him a total unknown who came out of nowhere and rises to prominence through conniving and scheming feels like they decided to merge him with Long Feng, maybe? And it might even backfire if they DO have Long Feng next season (... they should???) and he has a very similar profile to what they did with Zhao. I didn't enjoy his characterization at all, he was just... weird. So, not a change I was big on.

GOOD: Iroh. My god. I hate the fact that I'm saying this. But I will say it was insanely cathartic to watch that EK soldier beating him up. And that's not all: Iroh actually seems to be struggling actively with right and wrong here, showing hesitation over the war, and most importantly... HAVING A PERSONAL DYNAMIC WITH AANG??!!! I never imagined I would be that happy to see that, but I was. The few moments those two had together were damn solid, some of the best in the show (and the best for Iroh, sorry not sorry, I have never ever been an Iroh-Zuko obsessive fan and I genuinely find myself more intrigued by Iroh's potential bonding with other people, never thought about it with Aang but this show 100% blindsided me with it in a good way). It seriously made me mad that the OG basically never gave them that chance besides... that one scene in the catacombs that was very much just Iroh being a fortune cookie? Aang actually being an element that basically waters the seeds of doubt in Iroh's head is a GREAT change. I said it and I'll stand by it.

BAD: Hahn and not because of the usual reasons: their characterization rework of Hahn was fine. More than fine. The actor they cast was also very pretty! All of which makes it EXTREMELY questionable that Yue somehow has this perfectly decent guy and... uh... chooses the reworked Sokka instead? Like, I know that's how the OG story went, but when you turn Hahn from an opportunistic dick to a perfectly admirable warrior and individual, and feature Yue saying he's great but he's "not the boy of her dreams" (you... dreamt about him ONE TIME?? He's never been in the Spirit World besides that, so wuuuut...??), it makes her choice in romantic interests feel extremely questionable and weird. I'm all for Yue being given more to work with, but this seriously feels like she's... a little crazy. Hahn comes off waaaaaaay too decent for her not to be interested in him... ofc, as long as she's someone attracted to men, which, considering she picked ANOTHER GUY, it's to be assumed that she is?? Ergo nothing makes sense to me. Come to think of it, a lesbian Yue rejecting Hahn is probably the only way her rejection of Hahn would make sense... and it would also not cast such a questionable light on reworked Sokka if he and Yue weren't romantic at all, right after he had that big connection with Suki back when the show began?? So, heh, maybe lesbian Yue is the only thing that would've made sense if Hahn gets reworked for the better like this, sorry not sorry....

GOOD: The full-blown, outright display of Ozai's abuse on Azula rather than subtleties and insinuations. Again, much like in Aang's case with the genocide: PEOPLE DENY AZULA WAS A VICTIM OF ABUSE ALL THE TIME. People pretend Ozai actually loved her on some weird level or that she FELT loved, ergo she was fine and Zuko's the one who was abused. This is not new. We've been dealing with people barking that kind of nonsense since almost twenty years ago. And the backlash from that exact crowd when this show made it evident proves that they refuse to accept Azula as a victim of abuse to this day. Ergo, sorry not sorry: I'm glad they handled it as they did here because it makes it undeniable that Ozai is pushing Azula to extremes and she's pressured to deliver and become the weapon he wants her to be.

BAD: ... the Mother of Faces. That may have been the most egregious offensive and bullshit moments in the entire show. I was so mad when she was brought up at all. It was awful. I hated it. It really must be my most hated moment in the whole thing. UGH.

GOOD: Katara apologized to Sokka once. You know. One time. That, I think, marks the single time in any official Avatar content where she has done that. Call me a salty asshole, but I'm genuinely impressed that they did that, so they get a point for it.

BAD: Bumi. I know some people think the rework for Bumi is great... I could not disagree more. His treatment of Aang is really unacceptable, his behavior is very irresponsible but this time in a vindictive way... I was even reasoning with the fact that he knows Aang is the Avatar, which ALSO happens in the OG, without having known it in the past! The difference? It feels too arbitrary and random that he'd know that here, whereas in the OG show, he IS random and arbitrary, yet somewhere amid so many nonsensical ramblings, he shows insight and intelligence that makes you think there's more to him than meets the eye. I may need to rewatch episode 5 of the OG show in order to confirm this, but I also think that most of the implications there regarding his challenges is that they were actually harmless even if it doesn't look that way all along. Here? They're not harmless at all, he's basically vindictively trying to get Aang to either die for his "sins" or get himself killed through him and neither thing sits well with me at all with this character.

GOOD: Gyatso, expanding on his character and making him a much more straightforward equivalent to Iroh for Aang actually is really helpful, it makes him less of a "stock character" victim to the Fire Nation, it gave him more depth and it makes Aang's bond with him feel much more real. I am very sorry to all OG apologists, but I continue to believe Aang's cheerful behavior was written primarily to appeal to the children demographic that Nickelodeon was aiming for as their audience, which meant he could not be particularly human and truly grieve for everything he had lost. This show doesn't hide that pain at all, and it's particularly good that it does that by showing what a constant presence Gyatso was in Aang's life and by letting them have a manner of final farewell in that episode (... even if I didn't particularly like the episode, but still, it wasn't a bad idea to do that).

BAD: ... call me a consistency freak if you will, but I did not spend all these years obsessively trying to make sense out of the wobbly worldbuilding of the Avatarverse to be told that the entrance to the Cave of Two Lovers is within Omashu and that it leads into the arena within Bumi's Palace. Sorry. I can't accept that. I can't. I legit laughed throughout that whole situation because that's not where the cave of two lovers was, the badgermoles would be causing earthquakes non-stop through the city, and the sewers system would not even work because they'd constantly get fucked up by the creatures (as we know, there's a scene in Book 2 of the kids climbing out of the sewers, so either they won't do the pentapox or they'll forget about the badgermoles conveniently by then...). So. No. Sorry but no. Also, why did they kill Oma??? I know they turned both lovers into women, but... precisely because they did that, why exactly was there any need to change which one died?? Either one you kill is a woman now anyway so... what's the difference? WHY the difference?? Odd.

GOOD: ... Zuko keeps a notebook on his research and investigations into the Avatar. There were many changes to his character but that's the one that stood out the most to me. He actually seems a little bit more methodical, if not smarter, but you know? Kinda smarter anyway for at LEAST thinking that keeping a book with the results of his investigations could help?? Feels like he's actually trying rather than just whining about how rude the world is and how hard he has it. Which, in the end, might ALSO come down to him actually having some hope that Ozai didn't hate him irremediably... which, too, is a good change. I've talked about it before, other people have too: a firstborn firebending male prince has no business being discarded because of incompetence unless he's just THAT pathetic, and even in canon, Zuko wasn't as bad as to justify pushing him out and treating him as shittily as Ozai did without an actual, THOROUGH, exploration of Ozai's motives. You can elaborate, but the show never really did it, and if anything, it offered a bunch of conflictive information about why Zuko thought his father liked him. Here, it makes more sense that he thinks Ozai isn't as much of a bitch as he really is: the Agni Kai is a lot more interesting because they merged both Zuko vs. Zhao and Zuko vs. Ozai into one. The fact that Ozai actually burns Zuko and defeats him BECAUSE he was punishing him for not taking advantage of an enemy's weakness? It's a million times more telling about Zuko's character than what we saw in canon, where he was down to fight an old man out of hybris and then shat himself as soon as his father stepped up instead. So... I don't like this Zuko, which tells you they're doing him right anyway x'DDDD but I find there are a few elements about him that make him at LEAST a little more respectable than he was in the OG show. Among them? He's not constantly ranting about honor but actually lashing out at dishonorable choices out of principle, which makes it sound like he has a WAY better grasp on that concept than he does in canon :'D sue me. This is a Zuko rework too, and fortunately, not ONLY geared towards sanitizing him (even though there IS a fair amount of sanitizing too... which annoys me, but what else could we expect in the era of political correction).

BAD: ... Why the fuck did they decide the way to fix Iroh harassing June was to make her horny for him? Please? Of all things??? All they had to do was just... not make any romantic/sexual implications there. At all. Was that so hard to achieve? This is probably the second worst thing for me in the entire show, ngl. I do not understand the need for it at all. Most of all when they CLEARLY changed it due to knowing Iroh absolutely was a bastard in the OG with his behavior towards her. Isn't it easier to just NOT put any implications of attraction in there? I mean, I should be happy June didn't fully harass Iroh but the way they presented it, it felt like he wasn't even comfortable with it either! This... is not the way you take revenge for a character sexually harassing another one. Bad, bad take, I don't know what made them do this but they absolutely did not "fix" this, they overcorrected it and made it gross as fuck to me anyhow, most of all with the context of knowing that Iroh was the one being inappropriate as fuck back in the OG.

ALRIGHT. I know there's bound to be more, and I probably could think of more soon but I think I'm giving you this for now or else I'll end up making my major post here x'D

All in all, I don't think this show is unwatchable, I absolutely understand people who think it was fun, I also understand people who couldn't get used to the changes and outright dropped it. What I can't understand/accept is either pretending this show is the greatest thing ever (much like I don't think the OG ATLA is...), or pretending that it's the worst one either. This show engaged with a lot of elements in different ways than the original did: not all of it was a miss, not all of it was a hit. And I feel like it's a matter of fundamental, human decency and respect not to go completely berserk taking a ten-ton dump on this show, which to this date is the biggest production in Hollywood with a primarily Asian cast and crew of all time, from what I know, by pretending it has destroyed this franchise completely and that any support for it must come from brainwashed idiots or "not true fans". The gate-keepy attitude comes as absolutely no surprise in this fandom, ofc, but it's still disgusting to see. You CAN be critical of this show with dignity. You CAN do it while respecting other people who enjoyed it completely. It's not too much to ask. I may have learned that lesson the hard way with the ATLA comics, but even then, it wasn't my M.O. to jump into every single comics-positive post to tell people why they sucked and how dumb they were for enjoying them.

That's what I've got for the time being :'D hope it's enough for now.

#zuko-always-lies #natla #it's not perfect #neither is the OG #oh I didn't mention it in the final paragraphs but #I find it particularly hilarious when people rage at the new one #for things the OG did too #like I'm sorry here but you can't come to me and praise the OG for the exact stuff you hated the remake for #at least be consistent??#anyway anyway there we are for now

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