#this seems to be my lil journal lately | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

weirdmageddon · 3 days

Text

the shift in lore literacy in homestuck’s fandom

i was thinking about how the people who got into homestuck after it ended—whose interactions with the comic are in a static, archived state, not an ongoing thing—missed out on information that was more common knowledge in the fandom at that time. i don’t know if this is true since i’m not on tiktok, but i wouldn’t be surprised if it was. the fandom certainly isn’t the same as it was before.

ive found that many people reading homestuck now simply do not understand things in homestuck that were common knowledge back in the day, with calls for “homestuck literacy classes to become mandatory” in response to baffling takes because so many people just now seem to have glazed over the comic without absorbing important plot points, and i think i know why this may be. i ended up writing a post reflecting on my time with the comic, my perspective and how ive seen this change. i still think and write about homestuck because it still fascinates me. earlier i quote retweeted that call in my thread talking about the temporal relativity of dave and rose’s god tier ascension in the green sun, saying “my homestuck literacy is 100% so guess im doing my part as a teacher by pointing out whatever i think is really cool about it”. this post im writing now started out as a reply to this tweet i got in response.

i joined the fandom in 2013. i was 11. i had been aware of it since at least late 2011, early 2012 when my friend ryan in fifth grade told me to read it but i couldn’t get past the first few pages. i remember writing a journal on deviantart around this time (late 2011-early 2012) that was mocking people who typed like gamzee, which ironically was very karkat of me. and i remember someone on flipnote hatena i was following was making flipnotes with the alpha kids.

i dont know what caused me to flip the switch into reading it but 2013. i got into it somewhere between april (i think closer to april—i remember it being quite a span of time between the last update before HOMOSUCK dropped.) this was the most recent page the comic, meaning there was no > [S] ACT 6 ACT 6 at the bottom.

i got into it during a pause in updates, which looking into it, was the year 4 megapause. i wasn’t sure of the month until seeing the news post detailing the reason for the hiatus and the status report of the comic’s development at that time. pretty cool i could narrow it down by referencing the dates of those updates and the news post to correspond with the pause!

according to readmspa, the year 4 megapause was a 59 day hiatus from Apr 14, 2013 ==> (EOA6A5) running to 12 Jun 2013, [S] ACT 6 ACT 6. then for a few months there were the first updates that i was apart of the fandom for.

and what an exciting time during the story get into the webcomic! when the updates resumed in june, part 4 of homestuck had begun. here was a glimpse of the updates in that span of time before the next hiatus began in october.

that hiatus was none other than the gigapause, the longest hiatus in the comic, which started october 2013 and lasted for a YEAR, and i already posted about what happened on the date of return.

but here were the main events happening in the story at the time i first actually got interested in it. i wasn’t aware of the full context of them then like i am now, but i was looking at the most recent updates anyway with interest:

the alpha kids just emerged as god tiers from their slabs in derse and prospit, blown up by the condesce and caliborn / lil cal-possessed b2 jack noir.

the journey to the new session started 24 hours after jack called an early reckoning in descend—for context that was about when dave entered around midnight central time and before jade even entered. it’s pretty easy to forget that side 1 of homestuck basically happens within the span of a single day—and at this point in the story, the 3 year journey (which was also 3 real life years) had just ended. john and jade emerged from the other side of the yellow yard through the fenestrated plane on LOMAX. john’s real body was asleep upon arrival in the new session, while his dreaming projection out in the dream bubbles came across vriska’s ghost ship to learn lord english lore with vriska and aranea, and go on the treasure hunt where they found the ultimate weapon at the X mark out in in the furthest ring. in the dream john stuck his hand in the juju, started warping all over canon which removed his real body from the ship on LOMAX. he zapped around for a while but eventually zapped back to LOMAX, now awake, completely out of the loop of what everyone else is up to, and bored as fuck. what was everyone else getting up to while john was asleep?

jade was now once again within the domain of the green sun. im pretty sure her space god doggy essence comes with the power to sense what was anywhere within the domain of the session since her face looks like she arrived at that spot with intent (and she literally has jack noir’s exact powers from bec’s prototyping. also this panel). she immediately dispatched b2 jack to the edge of the incinisphere, defending the newly god-tiered jane and jake. i think even if they weren’t in any danger, she would have warped to them instantly anyway because she COULD now, and i can imagine she wouldve been sooooo eager to meet everyone. even davesprite comments about her rapid departure.

the pre-scratch refugees arrived during the only time serious shit ever went down in the nobles’ months-long inert void session. the condesce used her freak psychic bronze-cerulean powers to commune with jade’s bestial side and mind controlled her, which is super dangerous as someone with the powers of a first guardian. she then used jade’s powers to corrupt jane with the tiaratop. no funtime meetup allowed!

the trolls’ meteor with rose, dave, and the remaining trolls was pulling up into the new session with no way to slow it down. grimbark jade warped there once it was in the incinisphere and took active control. she warped everyone off the trolls’ meteor and sent them to LOMAX.

as john was losing his mind on LOMAX waiting for everyone, the meteor crew warped in. after 3 years he finally reunited with rose and dave, and at least saw the trolls in person. close curtains, end of A6A5. this was the newest [S] flash page at the time, one of my first impressions of this comic, and still one of my favorite flashes. knowing the context of the flash in the story only enhances the retrospective joy i have at getting into the comic at the time i did because it’s such an anticipated moment in the story for everyone, while for someone with no context of the story it was still enjoyable.

so that’s what was going on plotwise when i joined the fandom.

from this time, through those few months of updates and through the gigapause, i was familarizing myself with the characters in the story and overseeing the state of fanbase, getting myself acquainted with the story and wrapping my head around everything.

at that time i found that a new-ish group called colab HQ who were producing a let’s read homestuck series on youtube. hearing the voices and the pacing of it like that really, really eased me into it (maybe it was my adhd that gave me trouble actually starting it?). i caught up to a certain point using lets read homestuck and from that point was able to continue with the comic on my own, and by the time the gigapause came to a close i was fully caught up. i remember the rebranding of colab hq into voxus about a year and a half after i discovered them.

but.. back to the main point of my post. even these posts from hussie’s tumblr exist in archived states. how many new fans know about hussie’s old tumblr? i don’t know, unless theyre a new fan that must scour the internet for more deep more dives on homestuck and its fandom as a whole. but since hussie deleted his tumblr (it exists archived now on homestuck.net which, alongside from the unofficial homestuck collection, has nearly singlehandedly kept the most important relics of the fandom and lore archived), that page is not an active part of the fandom now, because it’s gone. it’s a pile of bones. it’s not living and breathing. it’s in an archived state. the whole thing is already there. homestuck and its fandom history is something you now binge instead of slowly consume and meld with as it comes out. it’s now this rapid information intake that you might forget about if you read it now instead of engaged alongside it. you’re not surrounded by people actively talking and theorizing about developments anymore. the ability to have those sorts of conversations during the ongoing development of the story reinforced concepts, ideas, and lore over and over as we tried to make sense of it.

being in a fandom when the author is still delivering the story is like nothing else. it allows you grow alongside the characters and engage meaningfully with the media and people in the fandom space around you. it feels like you’re participating IN the media itself, especially if you’re interfacing with the creator. it’s in always having something to theorize or talk about and speculate. and people become very aware of these sorts of forgotten story facts because they were applying the logic of the newest official post from hussie into making their sburb ocs or something and share resources and discussion posts about “what just happened in this update?? recap????” it was this cultural osmosis thing. i think this is why homestuck literacy is now at an all time low, at least from what i can see on twitter.

reading homestuck then vs now is like the difference between serialized shows with spaces between episodes to discuss stuff and time to reflect and learn and become attached to the story, narrative, worldbuilding and its characters, vs the netflix model where it’s all dropped all at once and people forget about it after binging.

at this point in time im getting the sense that “homestuck elders” now are no longer just people who were there since 2009-2010, but now also people who were there while it was still updating, probably stretching into 2014-2015. there are many sources of lore that were common knowledge in the fandom at the time that, since becoming susceptible to the deletion of content and link rot, and with the thanosing of mspaforums, are no longer accessible at the source. and a lot of people moved on after it ended, especially following the epilogues, the kate drama, and the whatpumpkin-sarah z drama, leaving a void of information behind if not for archivists and people such as me who continue to keep old facts relevant in discussions. my friend has called me a fandom scholar before and seeing this post i think i get what they mean.

EDIT: there is a series of video essays ive watched multiple times (because theyre that good) and they are exactly what modern fans need to see more of. they really help contextualize the comic and the themes present in it help you appreciate the basic fabric of homestuck a hell of a lot more. i highly recommend them and encourage any fan of homestuck to watch them, or someone considering getting into homestuck to watch the first one.

i think this is arguably as close to the “mandatory literacy class for homestuck” that person was talking about as you can get, especially the first video.

additionally, there is also the website https://rafe.name/homestuck which is essentially a sparknotes for homestuck and can help you follow developments in the comic itself.

#homestuck #homestuck meta #homestuck fandom #mine

332 notes · View notes

leonenjoyer69 · 2 days

Text

The sillies :3 and the both colored and not bc I really really like the sketch for this one :3 my old emo playlist has recently creeped back into my life and ofc Migraine by Tøp hits me with this wonderful idea. Also, fun fact, the physical drawing was originally just supposed to be a concept doodle that I was gonna redraw on a different paper but I uh, got carried away..

Anyways!!! Little info dump below the cut on the relationship between the 3 of them bc @dustmint asked about it and I thought I'd share my response here too, teehee

OKAY, SO, HOW JEKYLL AND HYDE ACT TOWARDS HARRY:

I do firmly believe that Hyde fights Harry more Aggressively and outright, on board to do whatever it takes to get rid of him (or at least out of control) , while Jekyll took a bit more convincing (mostly once he was done freaking out over the fact that he's a fraction of a person just like Hyde is). He definitely also hates Harry, but in a more subtle, silent way >:3 instead sorta challenging Harry mentally as opposed to physically, like Hyde wishes to. He's generally more observant and tries to strike when he thinks it best, sometimes his emotions get the best of him tho.

MORE IN DEPTH:

So, once they figure out what/who Harry is from his lil journals in the mind scape, Jekyll may or may not have an identity crisis (he definitely does) but once he kinda gets through that he just feels bad for Harry, being locked away in the mind scape so long and dealing with everything there and such. Plus, Harry is seemingly their whole parts (their previously whole parts, at the least), so Jekyll certainly doesn't want him to die or anything. Hyde doesn't really feel too strongly about him right off the bat, more so just annoyed that Harry took control and now he's stuck in the mind scape with Jekyll.

Though!! Things change once Harry kinda shows his resentment towards the two, saying that he wouldn't be letting them out anytime soon, and revealing how he plans to reverse the potion. This immediately sends Hyde into feral dog mode, trying to use literally everything he can to absolutely break Harry and gain control back. Jekyll is still a bit reluctant for a while, but eventually starts siding more with Hyde, plotting how to gain control back or take care of Harry without killing all of them, bc ofc they don't wanna die.

But yeah, between sending out nightmares, forcing the heart palpitations and such by fighting, or just being a general nuisance (most all of which are usually by Hyde) it's not really surprising that the resentment Harry already had towards them grows lmao.

He does eventually find out that those little phantom strings he can still see around his wrists and such can kinda be used to vaguely control/subdue his other halves. Yeah, he threatens them a lot.

Also!!! Jekyll and Hyde start getting along better, but definitely still bicker and shit occasionally (which tends to piss Harry off a bit, since he's been so fed up with their fighting and refusing to be one for so long, it just ticks him off very easily). Jekyll also feels really jealous of Harry bc of how he seems to be able to fix things so easily (and his blooming relationship with Lanyon ofc)

Anyways!! That's all I got for now lmao. Lots of character development for Harry lately. Man, I really need to start doing stuff with Elias again 💀

Oh also here's a colored version where they're not ghostly:

#tgs #jekyll and hyde #the glass scientists #henry jekyll #edward hyde #dr jekyll and mr hyde #oc: “whole” jekyll #my art #my ramblings

88 notes · View notes

triflesandparsnips · 5 months

Text

So yesterday, I learned about the Seikilos epitaph.

Per Wikipedia and this much longer article from Antigone Journal, the Seikilos epitaph is a complete four-line Greek lyric poem. It was carved into a short marble stele sometime in maybe the 1st century CE, maybe the 2nd. The stele was then set, and later discovered, near the city of Tralles (close to modern-day Aydin, in Turkey).

Before the poem is a two-line couplet that can be translated as:

I am an image and a stone; Seikilos sets me up here As a long-lasting sign of undying memory.

--and then following the poem the name of the artist/author, either "Seikilos to Euterpe" or "Seikilos, son of Euterpres". In between those two points, though, is the poem itself, which I fucking love. A translation of it might read:

While you live, shine! Have no grief at all. Life exists only for a short while and Time demands his due.

--which tbh would be fabulous enough, but...

carved above the words

is musical notation.

The Seikilos epitaph is the record of a two-thousand-year-old song.

And like anything that's That Old, there's of course a fair bit of academic infighting regarding:

whether the stele is really a gravemarker or just the work of a silly lil guy going big with publishing his masterpiece;

whether it was really written as early (or as late) as people think, based on what seems to be Ye Olde Handwriting Analysis;

and even what the actual song would have actually sounded like, because the notation only tells us the pitch, duration, and movement of the sung line, and not, like, what's emphasized/stressed, the rhythm, the modulations, the scale--

But.

Unlike a lot of ancient music... we do have all the melody. And we have all the words. And so there are people out there who have come up with reconstructions and interpretations-- many of them sad, most of them sweet, all of them fitting for a tombstone...

And then there's this one. A live performance by YK Band, sung as a duet and played on a Tartessian lyre and frame drum. It starts with the simple melody as written on the stele, and then transitions to their version of how the song could, with just as much evidence as any other interpretation, have been sung...

And it's joyous.

I love this. It reminds me that history is amazing. People are amazing. Two thousand years later, and because of the time someone put in to writing these words, the craft of the worker who made the stele, the historians and the musicians and the linguists and the teachers who constantly search and test and try to understand what came before so that we can understand where we came from, who we once were and who we might be again, and put what they learn back out into the world--

Because of all of them, I can sit here, alone and quiet at my computer, and hear someone very, very far away call out a laughing reminder to the dark unknown:

while you live, shine!

#history #music #linguistics #the unbearable beauty of humanity #seikilos #seikilos epitaph #song of seikilos #while you live-- shine!

21 notes · View notes

mo0nflower26 · 1 month

Text

Ight, as requested, here's the anticipated Mhin dream. Enjoy guys! :3

(From my dream journal)

I was living a peaceful life. The weather is just right and cloudy but not enough to rain and the sun can still pass through it. I fed a goat and 2 plastic eating worms that I forgot the names of. After that, I spent a few hours getting some fresh air and for some reason, accidentally grabbing the goat's kid which led to me being chased and coming home late around 10:57pm.

Then I remember I had more chores to do such as doing the dishes outside so that I did. I saw my choir friends just outside our house and told me they're just gonna be chilling there for a while. While I was chatting with my friends, my admirer’s wingman did a lil pick up line about me and his homie being good for each other but little did they know I already have feelings for Mhin.

I then hung out with my main bestie until some random lady announced that we're on a mission to stop some corrupted nobles. Then an even fancier lady came in (she's a noble's wife) saying we have choral practice at their residency (which btw, was known for their maze rooms) and that we have no choice but to go.

She is rather stout and her hair is short and blonde, she wears a royal purple dress as if she's a ruler and we're her peasants. She also speaks in a very pompous manner. If you have seen Victor's mom from Corpse Bride, she has a resemblance to her.

Everybody then got in the tricycles (those Philippine tricycles to be specific). I was then ushered by the crowd to a tricycle but then I suddenly remembered I have to tell my mom where I was going and what's going on or otherwise she'd get worried so I went back to the house to inform her. Surprisingly, she let me go and I ran all the way back to the tricycle my bestie was in before it finally leaves.

Once we got to our destination, we boarded off and to my surprise, Mhin was there too. It was pretty windy and the wind gently blowing their hair frames their face perfectly. Their cape dancing along with the wind made them seem majestic. And the moonlight shining on their pale skin, reflecting their grey-reddish eyes made them look even more ethereal. I was entirely convinced that they're a moonkissed angel right then and there.

We then started walking towards the building as the tricycle was parked a few meters away from the actual building as “peasant vehicles” aren't allowed there I presume. Well, other than the fact the driver was going to take a lunch break and that we parked right next to a Karinderya. While we were walking, some guys were catcalling me and while I wanted to fight back, I didn't wanna cause a ruckus and have us late.

Mhin meanwhile, got irritated by it and glared at them so hard they didn't even want to move a single muscle after that. Because of it, I stuck by Mhin for the rest of the walk. After we finally got to the entrance room or some sort of the building, the whole group agreed that it would be best if we split in pairs and obviously, Me and Mhin are paired up since I already stuck onto each other like glue.

While we were discussing plans of which way to go, Mhin suddenly grabbed my hand and started running 3 times through the same room and I thought we got stuck in a loop until they turned left and got into a completely different room. I was momentarily shocked and confused before concluding that this is what they probably meant when they say the building is known for its maze rooms.

I still wondered about how the rooms magically loop just like earlier but that thought was then brushed off as we continued running. They were quick and agile, they moved and swerved through the rooms as if it was a built-in instinct for them to know which rooms lead to which. Despite my heart beating fast, I barely feel any sort of fatigue.

I couldn't even tell whether my heart is beating fast from the adrenaline, from running, or because of how pretty Mhin looks especially when they're so focused and serious like that (I was hopelessly in love with them especially in the dream okay? LMAO).

Either way, it almost feels like I'm floating like a balloon and Mhin is just running and dragging me around like a kid on sugar rush at their friend's birthday party.

We then soon finally stopped after going up a spiral staircase. Before we can even try to explore the place further, we heard somebody come in from a different set of stairs which is thankfully, not spiralled in case we ever got through there.

We eavesdropped a bit and found out that it's a noble and his wife's anniversary today. From what I remember in the dream, he is known as Sir Donovan. An intimidating man that looks like he could kill you with just a glance.

And his meek and docile wife, her name was never mentioned in the dream but I'll just refer to her as Mrs. Donovan. We saw them approaching our way. His wife, may or may have not seen at least a glance of the top of our heads.

It was then my turn to grab Mhin’s hand and run. We ran to a random room and there was a storage room. The door is slightly ajar and rather small but big enough to crawl inside. We got in there as I managed to lock the door and take out the key on time before Sir Donovan was able to catch us.

It was conveniently larger inside so that there's at least a good amount of space for me and Mhin. There was also a conveniently placed foam mattress that's large enough for us to share. With that, we decided to stay there for the night. Now this is where things get rather blurry, but I remember me and Mhin fought over something which most likely has to do with our mission and how either reckless (Mhin) or careless (Me) the other is.

And since the storage room is still relatively small, we got a bit physical with the fight. No punching or anything like that… Just pushing, shoving, and a bit of collar grabbing. And as I got fed up and successfully pinned them on the mattress while still bickering with them, they suddenly blurted out their feelings for me.

And I, obviously, was left stunned. Mhin took that as an opportunity to kiss me which ended up in a make out session… Probably something more if you want to interpret it as that… After that whole ordeal, we set off to find evidence that can be used against those corrupted nobles.

One small issue: Sir Donovan's bratty daughter is a huge obstacle that will ask us to play with her and that if we say no, she'll throw a huge fit. But if we said yes, she won't let us go until her parents eventually catch us. Another problem is that we rushed in her room without knowing it was hers with how much I was panicking. (Mhin let me lead the way and only got slightly disappointed when I lead ourselves to the wrong room :})

But now we're struggling to escape from there because Sir Donovan was just outside her room roaming the hallways while her daughter is walking around in her room playing with different variety of dolls. Eventually, Mrs. Donovan caught us but didn't do anything.

She even picked up her child and is putting her to sleep while looking at us with eyes that screams despair and hopelessness. Apparently, the dream made it canon that Sir Donovan is a yandere and that their marriage was against her will. She then averted her gaze at us. Almost as if telling us that we must go now that he's no longer roaming the hallways.

Seeing this made me feel really bad for her. Even Mhin who is usually tense and cynical towards others, softened a bit seeing her in such miserable state. Mhin nodded in acknowledgement and this time, instead of dragging each other around like before that little accidental confession from Mhin, we were getting out of there hand in hand to meet up with everyone else.

As we were still running, they stopped mid-way then muttered, “I'm gonna kill Sir Donovan…” I instinctively grabbed their wrist to stop them from running. I tried convincing them that they shouldn't go and that we don't know what Sir Donovan is capable of. They then clasped my hands together, telling me to keep running and don't stop until I'm back to where we first split up before finally letting go of me and running off.

I desperately shouted their name and chased after them with me already tearing up but they were too fast for me and I immediately lost sight of them. Cliche, I know but either way, I felt vulnerable without Mhin.

Unlike them, I don't have a built-in instinct to navigate my way to find them or to find the way back. I ended up somewhere in a different noble's house. For some reason, dream me decided I ain't getting paid enough for this and proceeded to commit robbery while gathering evidence lmao.

I managed to grab some evidence, lots of money, and escape from there but I was still a bit lost and badly missed Mhin. I eventually found a different group that is also one of our homies. I even saw Leander was there. They noticed how gloomy I look and that Mhin isn't with me.

They decided to give me some space because of it. Vere appeared in the scene and commented on how I basically like a sopping wet cat and he wasn't wrong with that LOL. Until after a week and a half in the dream, I still desperately looked for Mhin hoping that they would come back as everyone that watched me felt pitiful. It eventually got too hot irl and I can't stand the probability that something bad happened to Mhin so I woke up lol.

#touchstarved game #touchstarved shitposting #touchstarved mhin #the mhin dream #mhin my beloved <333 #i have no regrets

14 notes · View notes

outeremissary · 5 months

Note

kasperia character journal please? 👀

Hi Romeo! Sorry this is a lil late (days later edit: now a lot late), time kind of stopped functioning for part of Friday, hahhh . Anyway some good luck on this one being the only one I have screenshots from while my laptop hangs between this world and the next! (days later edit: it's actually dead forever) Anyway, this was admittedly a bit of a cheat because it is a tabletop character journal, but it's a WIP to me and I like working on it. Counts!

Anywayyyy. I don't think it's actually been said on Tumblr at this point, but Kasander and Asperia are two parts of a dissociative identity disorder system (I don't know if this is too jargon-y an explanation...?). Not the only two, but the two who interface the most with the outside world and in some ways have the strongest feelings about "Asperia's" life. In tabletop, their journal is how they communicate with one another to mitigate the effects of losing time and to get some sense of coordination with what they're doing. On a meta level, it helps me track what each of them knows about game events and how they feel about each other (and any other alter who adds something to the journal). Relationships within the system aren't really something that generally makes sense to externalize into regular RP. The journal is a helpful way to develop that running self-exploration side plot without derailing what's happening in session.

It's been a really fun exercise in character voice. I love writing epistolary type stuff- Carmen's mission report character journal was one of my favorite parts of playing her back in 2019- so it's been very relaxing to me. Excited for our hiatus to end to gather more material for it. I've gotten a little off track from some original plans though- one significant concept I'd had going in was that Kasander's parts of the journal are written as direct letters to Asperia, while Asperia's were supposed to be written as a diary as if the other pages didn't exist. Stubborn willful ignorance from someone struggling to come to terms with their reality. Unfortunately, it's very fun to write things that are a little bit more communicative ^^;; I'll probably have to rewrite pieces of recent parts of the journal to be a bit more in line with that intent before adding the next chunk to our party's notes drive. Not a lot room to develop the twins' relationship over time if there's not much distance between the start and the end, after all.

With that said, some of the direct exchanges are very fun. Pros and cons.

It's also fun to think through what's tracked and what's omitted (intentionally or unintentionally). Kasander loves describing the cultural experience of a location but carefully skips mentioning having actually spent money on things. They're always on thin ice with the funds. Asperia keeps (mildly exaggerated) accounts of personal achievements but completely skips over failures, especially failures that involved injury to the body. She needs to communicate a sense of superiority- something that certainly works when Kasander apologizes profusely any time the body is hurt under their care.

(yeah it seemed like a good idea at the time to use a more "handwritten" font for the final thing but I've been having A Lot Of Regrets)

I unfortunately don't have a screenshot, but the journal has also had one small addition from Paracelsus as well. It's just a to-do list of ways to organize and restock the crafting supplies. Very typical of them. Asperia thinks he wrote it, like everything Paracelsus writes.

Also fun to get to work in some in-world explanations for things that raise some meta questions, like not having some items that I need for my character concept (I ran out of starting equipment budgettt). This bit is also consistent with the pattern that Asperia avoids referring to Kasander by name.

How common the two of them actually sabotaging each other's possessions is has yet to truly be established, but it is an aspect of what the party thaumaturge refers to as their "feud."

Pros over BG3: they are aware of and communicating each other, and they didn't have to have five near death experiences for it to happen. Yay!

Cons over BG3: lot more hostility from Asperia persisting past that point. Kasander did in fact ruin their life a little.

#I feel like this has a silly amount of explaining shit that has nothing to do with the actual thing. a thing that was itself a cheat. sorry!#on me for never finishing the character info post I meant to a month ago #at any rate 'asperia coping poorly' is a consistent theme between pf and bg3. asperia exists to excel in one environment #and it's a good thing that asperia excels in that! they've done a lot to make sure the system has survived all these years.#but being removed from that environment is hard. and so much of asperia's existence has always hinged on filling the gaps #being 'asperia' completely #knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt about kasander is terrifying.#still: they exist to protect one another. they always have.#is this still a tag game or is this now an ask game... god #tag game #ask me emithing #kasander #asperia #paracelsus #(mentioned. counts.)#baneschosen #sorry if you were searching for ye olde gate game it's uhhhh in a different ask. I've given up on posting them all at the same time #in favor of the goal of 'post them whenever so the anxiety doesn't win'#this draft was written in entirety a bit ago and I'm not fidgeting with it anymore. hopefully it's semi-coherent if not... whoops?#scheduled post #I think I lost the plot on how long these were supposed to be and this is way longer than it should be

10 notes · View notes

rachelsfav-queer · 6 months

Note

OMGGGG!!!!! Pregnant Wednesday’s reaction when her bump is starting to show, and her pants fits weird and everything looks “weird” for her. But Yoko and Enid are both just drooling over her

Hmmm, I got a lil something for this… gimme a sec

My body seems to have begun physically deforming.

A bump has formed above my stomach region and most of my clothing are no longer fitting properly. But, it is not just my physical appearance that is changing. My physical capabilities are degrading. I am far more easily exhausted than normal and range of movement has decreased significantly.

This is all quite a hassle. Strange. Normally I would’ve enjoyed so much physical pain and sickness, but I do not. I feel miserable and not in a good way. When I looked upon myself in the mirror yesterday, I cried. They were not… happy tears. I felt… ashamed? No, anguish. No, no, no. Something else, perhaps disgust?

Ugh, yet another change. A complete lack of emotional comprehension. I have zero idea what I felt when looking at myself in the mirror. All I know is that it wasn’t a positive emotion. I- I do not enjoy the way I look currently. There are so many… flaws…

And yet, perhaps the biggest difference of all, my wives. They have committed themselves entirely to my personal care and have even been putting aside some of their own needs in order to tend to mine. Along with this, they appear to be obsessed with staring at me constantly now and it’s only getting more incessant as this pregnancy continues. Specifically, they are staring at my midsection.

Perhaps they are feeling similarly to myself about my physical changes. I do not blame them, I am no longer attra-

WEDNESDAY ADDAMS IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLD!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“ENID!!! What, is the meaning of this?!” Wednesday asked furiously. She looked back and forth between her ruined journal entry and her wife- make that wives. Both Enid and Yoko are standing in front of her, neither looking impressed at something.

“C’mon baby girl. You know what’s going on. You haven’t been very kind to yourself lately and it’s clear that Yoko and I haven’t made our stance clear on this,” Enid lifted Wednesday’s chin to make her look directly at her, a blush already sprouting on her face, “We are going to make sure you know, without a shadow of a doubt, how absolutely gorgeous you truly are. We are going to praise and worship and touch every single inch of you until you’re screaming to the gods about how beautiful you are. Understand?”

Wednesday’s poor brain practically breaks at the explicit description of her wives’ plan. She squawks and gapes and is completely flustered, unable to speak even a single coherent word. Yoko speaks up next, “Aww, it looks like our beautiful wife here is too shocked to speak! Good. Perhaps that means she’ll keep her pretty little mouth shut and listen to us for once. Then, we can, not only tell her how perfect she looks, but we can also establish some new rules for her. You know, like how she’s going to ask us for anything she needs? Like the good girl she is? Our beautiful, pregnant wife, carrying our babies. She needs to be properly pampered and protected, doesn’t she?” Yoko asks in faux mocking, her intentions true, “Yeah, that’s right. Our girl is gonna be the best mommy and worry only about carrying our puppies, isn’t she? And let her Mommy and Daddy worry about everything else. Mmmm, good girl.”

End <3

(Hopefully this was to your liking, anon? Pffft)

#anon ask #ask answered #vampravenwolf #18+ content #18+ only #my writing

8 notes · View notes

legendfinder · 8 months

Note

have u seen the new jacob geller video? seems like itd b up your alley. id be curious to hear your thoughts on the philosophy of archival he talks about

Oh it was DEFINITELY up my alley, as an (at the very least) above-average obsessed fan of archiving my life's work to the best of my abilities. Geller brings up a really good point I've had to wrestle with, myself: What's the extent to which I can, well, archive?

Lately I've had to omit archiving multiple versions of my art because there's just... so many. Often I found myself erasing old versions just to put new ones in, only occasionally regretting it months or years later. There's some physical doodles I just haven't been able to archive, some that are probably lost forever. Sometimes I go about my day and check Discord only to find something missing I can't quite put my finger on; another server, deleted. How much do I archive of myself? Every word? Every pen stroke? Every conversation? Every thought, every dream, every morsel of food, every footstep, every blink, every fucking breath I've ever taken? Where does it stop?

The answer is it doesn't stop. At least, if you want a full archive of yourself. Different people have focused on different things, yeah. Some make dream journals, others make food diaries, others digitize their notebooks, others have github repositories or the like. But by god, is it hopeless to do everything.

I've tried to back those servers up, but, well... They get updated every day. I can't make backups of every server, every day. Archiving takes time, immense amounts of time, out of my day. Lately, I've been going to class lectures only to spend the time archiving my mind-boggling collection of notebook doodles from high school, for a purpose that isn't really that important right now. I'm not saying it's a universal experience, but to me, the process and goal of archiving puts me violently in the past and violently in the future, and rarely in the present.

I find myself just scrolling through my Everything Drive aimlessly, taking in the same colors I've already looked at for years, and it just feels like... I'm getting nothing new done. And then I continue building up this Everything Drive, for some unforeseeable unattainable "ideal" state that will never happen. I look back and I look forward constantly and sometimes I forget I can just step back and take in the moment as it is, without having to save an audio log of it, without having to record a video of it, without having to be constantly in fear of the decay of my memories. (Note that I have nothing against recording videos of things. I mean, I do that. A lot. That's why I bring it up. It just gets a bit too much after a while. I have 2000 videos and 2000 audio recordings on my phone. I barely ever check them.)

Callie, you probably have a few art pieces that might not be accessible anymore, because you might have put them in a discord server and just... Never kept a copy on your computer. Even for the art you made that is still accessible... How will you even go through the effort of collecting and archiving them, now? I got lucky to start my Everything Drive project relatively "early", in 2020, because Unus Annus scared lil ol me. Even then, I had a lot of work before me. I can't imagine starting that same project now, 3 years later.

On a slightly related note, sometimes a friend's hard drive just gets wiped. Sometimes someone's art hosting site gets taken down. Sometimes there's even something as mundane as someone quickly deleting their discord message as a joke. Things get deleted all the time, outside of my control.

I try to archive as much of myself as possible, but that's basically where I stop. Just myself. I can't archive everyone else to the extent I do for myself. I just hope they get to archive at least a small piece of themselves, their own way.

Back to Geller's video, though. I wanna say, The Internet Archive isn't fully a forever archive. People can try, yeah, and with enough people, something could very well last forever. But with individual items, it's a different story. I used to be very into the Archie Sonic comics, all for one specific character (if you want to know, it's Shard the Metal Sonic). Internet Archive, at that time, had a collection of pretty much every archie sonic comic, neatly organized and easily accessible straight from the website. It was a beautiful thing. Months later, trying to find a panel of a comic to take a screenshot of, I realized the collection had been taken down for copyright reasons. Sure, there's other collections of Archie Sonic comics, but those often fail to capture... Everything. Even the one I was looking at probably failed to capture everything. Some only have the early era of the comics, some only have the comics from Ian Flynn onwards. Some omit the spinoffs, others omit the end pages of the comics with fan mail and whatnot. One collection appears to be the most substantial, but seems to have forgotten a few pages in a few issues. It's just... Impossible, really. To get everything, and make it out in one piece.

I can't capture my paper doodles as accurately as they appear; in the Everything Drive, you zoom in enough, and you see pixels. There aren't pixels in real life. If I were to preserve every page of my high school notebooks, the scale of the collection would become gargantuan and completely inaccessible; just like Borges' map. I don't currently have the resources to download every video I've ever put on youtube or every stream I've done on twitch, and keep them on some external hard drives. I certainly don't have the space or even the time to preserve everything I love, everything I wish could stay just a little bit longer on this Earth. We all have our times to go, and all we can do is move just a few centimeters higher on this sinking ship.

So here I am, carving out my own corner, displaying only a select few categories of what I wish to preserve about myself. And in this corner, I'm happy.

Sorry if this rant is unhinged. I'm not deleting any of it. Guess I'm staying true to this topic, lmao.

I want to end by saying that if anyone wants to scroll through my Everything Drive (a google drive collection of as many digital + physical things ive made as im able to find and archive), I can send you a link! Just dm me if you wanna. Haven't fully finished organizing some recent art projects and a vast majority of my notebook doodles, but there's still already a fuck ton of shit in there.

Also my music streaming platform of choice is VLC Media Player

#leg answers asks

7 notes · View notes

stupidloafofbread · 12 days

Note

Hai :3

I have recently been seeing you make posts on this thing called "what remains of edith finch" soooo what is it exactly? It seems interesting, and you seem like an expert on it too so, can you give me like...and essay? Lol, seems kwool :]

YOUR ASKING ME TO EXPLAIN MY FAVORITE THING?! YEAHHH-

Okay so! (As I write this, I'm watching ranboo play it for the 100th time-)

WRoEF is a story-type game!

I'll add a read more because this might be long - (as I have an obsession with it.)

Also possible TW: Death (both child death and death in general-)

You play as a 17 year old girl named Edith (I wanna change my name to Edith irl✨) who's returning to her childhood home after inheriting it from her late mother, Dawn Finch. Edith, who's trying to find out more about her family, ends up finding out that there's these "Secret passageways" in the house and the doors are sealed shut (forgot to mention that and I'm sorry-)

Anyways. She opens one of the secret passageways and goes through it and ends up in one of the sealed up rooms: Molly's room, who was technically the second Finch to die but the first person we sorta lean about?

In Molly's story, you play as her (Molly) on the night of her death. She was sent to be without dinner and when asking her mom:

"Mom, can I come out now?" (Molly)

"Sweetheart, it's late. Go to sleep." (her mom/Edith Sr)

So what happened? Well Molly goes around her room looking for something to eat and what does she eat?: toothpaste, Some fake hollyberries (idk if i spelled that right-) and a dried carrot next to some gerbil shit. (Literally-) Next thing we know, she finds a barn sallow outside her window! Now, I think this next part is a dream- she opens the window and goes to jump at the bird (keep in mind there's a lil chain to keep the window from opening enough for her to go through it) and suddenly, SHE'S A DAMN CAT.

Long story short for Molly, she then became a fuckin owl, a shark then a fuckin octopus or smth that has tentacles ;-; she then wakes up and writes the last thing we/Edith reads in her journal

"And we both know,"

"I.."

"Will.."

"Be...delicious."

Or smth like that

Anyway, I won't say all the deaths but pretty much, whole family ded

Now there's one death in the game that impacted me (and some other ppl) pretty hard:

Gregory's death.

For him, you play as a one year old baby in a tub. You have some toys, and which you control a wind-up toy frog. After a while, the mother (Kay) attempts to get Gregory outta the tub but gets interrupted by her ex-husband, Sam Finch. She talks with him and you continue to play as Gregory.

For the final time, Kay drains the bathtub right as Sam Calls again. Somehow, Gregory turns the damn tub thingy (forgot what it's called) back on and the tub fills up with water, drowning the baby

Now I suggest watching a playthrough of it :3

Me personally, would 100% recommend watching Ranboo play it (it's funny to me-)

I do have a whole lotta theories on what could've happened to some of them lol

If I could've rambled more without spoiling anything else, would I?

YES

#bread talks about different fandoms: wroef📚💀#didn't mean to put the skull but oh well.#wroef #what remains of edith finch #heyy wroef fandom #again-

4 notes · View notes

when-did-this-become-difficult · 6 months

Text

the question was what can you do a presentation on

I don't know very much about this! But goodness am I prepared to blather about it! I believe that the old "Golden Age of Television" prestige shows like the Sopranos, Mad Men, and Breaking Bad (the Wire is somewhat separate from this) will continue to have a fixed and revered place in the Canon of Prestige Shows, while up and coming Hulu/FX half hour prestige dramedy shows like Reservation Dogs, The Bear, and Ramy will continue to be considered great and yet not "canonical" in that same way. And it's not just because of hour vs half hour, old vs new, white men vs everybody else; it's also because of the shows relationship to violence, power, and morality.

Reservation Dogs, The Bear, and Ramy all feature characters who are trying to find their way, trying to figure out how to live in the world. Oftentimes it seems like they're just struggling to survive period, but there's this throughline in each show about how to live well, even if those characters are like, failing nonstop at it?

Like, Tony will go to therapy, Carmela will go talk to a priest, but they're never gonna make much progress on the absolute fundamental root problem at the core of their life, which is that their prosperity comes from other people's suffering. Great writing, the story of American history really. Valid story to tell, probably comes from the bottom of David Chase's heart and is what he really thinks, I'm not knocking the Sopranos.

In TV criticism, that extremely cynical and hopeless view of people never fundmentally changing in their evil is like...valued more artistically? I think it goes deeper than the old "dark shit overrated, funny/hopeful shit underrated" because that's true but also, Rez Dogs and The Bear and Ramy all get real dark sometimes. I just. Mm there's something about striving.

I personally prefer the half hour prestige stuff tho so like maybe I'm just over intellectualizing or whatever because I'm mad that this stuff hasn't reached canonical status when I feel it should. That's an option! That's always an option

Just me sitting here thinking a lot about it

Bonus absolute ramble, depressing and not very analytical! again im keeping this because my tumblr is my lil journal (my tumblr my house etc)

// Original answer

I wish I had a more fun answer for you.

Honestly not feeling terribly confident in the thoroughness of my knowledge about anything these days. Two of the good old standards (Parade's End first three books and Colombian electoral politics 1990) have begun to fade & I suppose I could do a presentation on jcink sandbox RP but idk if I would really want to.

possibly depressing ass ramble under the cut. CEO gets a yacht and I get an egg sandwich, that's why tumblr gets all my mental bandwidth

The real subject that popped into my head that I haven't consciously been perseverating on lately but which I might have lowkey been thinking about a little bit over decades of my life is simply the perception gap between imagined political enemies vs real ones in US politics particularly over time particularly with the internet particularly on the subject of abortion.

(Disclaimer: abortion rights are human rights, I don't feel like I should have to trot out much more slogans than that, you get the vibe.)

(Other disclaimer: this has nothing to do with E, who has actually a very good view into what's going on with Those Guys, hi E, I'm not roasting you I'm roasting some other fellows.)

Sometimes what's going on with your opponents is simultaneously not at all what you think and exactly what you think and maybe I don't want to give a presentation as much as I want to have an in depth discussion of how and why some quite intelligent and well-informed people end up all turned around and not having an accurate understanding of what's going on with their political opponents by simply selecting a handful of the most palatable (to them) truths and then focusing on those to the expense of all else.

And not only what is happening, but what is the utility of that? What are the drawbacks? I think as just a regular degular person who gets frustrated upon hearing other people Be Loudly Wrong, I find it really annoying. But if we put my feelings aside, is there a reason (other than soothing feelings and strengthening morale) that people develop all these semi inaccurate mental characterizations of their opponents? Is there actual political utility to it? And how much of it is consciously done vs happening because of the environment *gestures at media, social media*

Like I have really, really been inside the guts of "both sides" on this one in an insidery way so I just. #NotAllPartisans but a lot of them do not get it, "it" being each other, like at all.

But then one some bits they're spot on about each other.

Weird!

#j.2023.all #this was the full text of drafts i tried to make that ended up being too long and not very good as;lfkasdf GOOD GOD I need to be forced to #write short essays again im. ooh it all floppy #abortion tw

2 notes · View notes

spricket-central · 1 year

Text

[pinned post, updated 5/19/2024]

hey there! you can call me monster or Ray (ey/em or they/them)

this is a journal of sorts where i talk about my sprickets! theyre greenhouse camel crickets (Tachycines asynamorus), an invasive east asian species thats a very common household visitor where i live (new york, USA). i caught these dudes in my apartment, ahaha. i started keeping them on 12/6/2022

i mostly keep this blog for myself, but id love to bring other folks happiness with the antics of these lil guys. im very new to invert husbandry of any sort (my only real area of expertise is cats, ahaha), so if youve got any tips id be super grateful if youd share. theres so little info out there about T. asynamorus irt care.

I'll introduce my lil guys and chat about them below!

~~~~~

Poppyseed ♀️

(hatched: 5/28/23

mother: Crouton; father: Biscuit)

this little darling is the first spricket ive ever hatched in captivity, and the daughter of the very first spricket i ever kept, so shes a very special little girl! she lives with her boyfriend, Bagel.

having started as a little speck, practically a literal poppyseed, this special seedling has blossomed into a beautiful flower :) one of the most striking aspects of her appearance, in my opinion, are the markings near her eyes, resembling black mascara running down her cheek like tears. dont cry little seedling, i love you!

while she was very shy as a nymph, shes seemed to have developed more confidence in her adulthood, being relatively quick to come out once the lights go off at night, and even remaining relatively calm (for a spricket, at least) when they surprise her upon coming back on in the morning. shes an absolute fiend for bloodworms, which seem to be her favorite food.

im so, so proud of her. i promised her mom, Crouton, that id take good care of her, and it brings me so much joy to have succeeded in raising her into a healthy, beautiful adult! :,)

~~~~~

Bagel ♂️

(caught: 7/23/23)

caught as a very young nymph, i believe i may have actually met Bagel on my bedroom on two occasions: once as a tiny speck of a hatchling on my wall, where i failed to capture him, and some time after on my bed, where i finally managed to succeed. im so grateful i got a second chance with this special little boy!

hes seems like a pretty laid back little dude, as far as sprickets go. hes not as quick to startle as some (though he certainly can do some Mad Hops if my hand gets a little too close!), and doesnt seem to mind being out in the open for a few a bit at a time while the lights are still on. hes a delightful little guy!

he lives with Poppyseed in my 2nd largest tank. the two seem to have clicked from the very start, when poppyseed hopped up onto the ceiling to check him out when he made his somewhat clumsy entrance.

also ha ha. poppyseed bagel. get it? har har.

~~~~~

Pincushion ♀️

(caught: 10/18/23)

on the phone with my mother only one night after having caught Donut, i was telling her how i was happy with having 4 sprickets and didnt feel id keep any more at the moment... not long after the call ended, i spotted Pincushion, only about a month old, and... well, who can say no to a baby?

despite having had her for a bit shy of 5 months now (at the time of writing), shes still not matured all the way to adulthood. it took Poppyseed and Bagel about 4 months to mature, but they were born in the late springtime, so im wondering if maybe growing up in the cold winter temperatures is the reason for Pincushion's comparatively slow growth.

either way, she seems to be growing up strong and healthy! shes still a bit shy, as all nymphs are, but ive noticed her becoming braver as time goes on. im excited to see her grow into a happy, healthy adult, and to see what kind of personality she develops! sprickets are such characters, ahaha.

~~~~~

Dirt ♂️

(caught: 2/3/24)

Bio In Progress

~~~~~

Loofah ♀️

(caught: 2/4/24)

Bio In Progress

~~~~~

Applesauce ♀️

(caught: 4/20/24)

Bio In Progress

~~~~~

Sesame

(caught: 5/7/24)

Bio in Progress

~~~~~

Tofu

(caught: 5/14/24)

Bio in Progress

~~~~~

This blog is dedicated to Crouton, forever loved, the special girl who started it all. 💚

~~~~~

to learn about the dearly beloved friends who are no longer with us, you can look in the #memorial tag.

13 notes · View notes

moon-ursidae · 1 year

Text

it’s time for session #2!

THERE WILL BE SPOILERS FOR BOTH OF THE LAST OF US GAMES UNDER THE CUT!!!!

these notes are so scattered if you read them without context and i am SO SORRY lmao. i’m typing them so fast trying to keep up with my brain that’s going 700 mph and the game. ANYWAY, we’re getting a very late start tonight bc i was helping my friend learn guitar for a few hours haha

total play time: about 2 hrs and 40 min (there’s not much story progression here just exploring seattle!)

okay so we last left off with ellie and dina in the woods on horseback post joel’s house. i have not gotten farther than the woods bc i was super ultra mega tired. so let us continue!

okay sooooo this section is called the gate cool cool cool

this is fucking gorgeouuusssssss

omg dina listing off all the people that joel crossed

i’m sure there’s more before that bro

oh my god the LIGHTINGGGGG in the woods so so good

we’re so close to seattle i’m scared

so much happens here man

map acquired✅

CARD BABYYYYYY

jesus christ i L O V E the aesthetic of nature reclaiming land and man made structures. it’s sooooooo pretty

oh shit QZ!

i’m looking through ur journal ellie hope you don’t mind haha

dina seems to be sick? well. i know why but ellie doesn’t yet so shhhhhh

it’s so sad to me that every drawing of joel so far that ellie’s done, she hasn’t been able to draw his eyes. that was the last thing she saw of him while he was alive. like she wants to get them just right but everytime she draws it that means she has to look him in the eye again. and maybe she’s feeling too guilty to do that rn. ugh idk i know neil always does shit like that but maybe i’m reading too much into it haha. ANYWAY that is one of the most heartbreaking parts about her journal dude. UUUUGGHHHHH 😭

“i really love her.” 😭😭😭😭 ELLIE TELL HER PLEASE

we just got a letter, wonder who it’s from🕺🏻

kieran?? kieran duffy??????

haha wrong game

also lemme just say, i fucking love dina

she’s so sweet and empathetic, but will cut the fuck out of a bitch when needed

I HAVE TO PARKOUR?? UP HIGH?? IN THE LAST OF US?? OVER A GATE??

this is some nathan drake shit bro where’s nolan north

FUUUUUCK I THOUGHT SHE WAS GONNA FALL BRO OH MY GOD

hoooooollllyyyyyy fuuuuuuck this is a big city jesus christ

LMAO her wobble before she fell down to the platform below

this game is so gorgeous. holy fuckin shit i’m gonna say that a lot huh?

THE SOUND DESIGN??? WHEN GOING DOWN THE LOOKOUT TOWER AT THE GATE OF THE QZ??? WHEN SHE FALLS AND IT ECHOES?? THAT SHIT WAS CRAZYYYY

guys i’m gonna be honest. i’m team brick.

i LOVE being able to break windows this is so fun

oh god i have a horrible memory plz don’t make me memorize these gate codes

side note: i love ellie’s hair here. i’m gonna have to try a lil half up half down situation

i saw someone on twitter point out that it looks a lot like tess’s hair🥺

“well, we believe in you” shimmer and dina? or baby and dina? hmmm things to consider

totally unrelated, but i can’t not hear ashley johnson going “babyyyyyyyyy” with an s.o. since the mighty nein reunion lmao

ellie seeing dina and going “babyyyyyyyy” like yasha LMAO

ANYWAY

fuck i hope i can pull out that page of codes dude

THANK GOD

oh shit another hotel

i’m traumatized after the last on dude you can’t make me go back

H O L Y. S H I T.

THIS IS SO OPEN I’M GONNA SPEND SOOOOOOOO MUCH TIME HERE

FUCK DUDE

this is fucking crazy

there’s so much small shit everywhere oh my fucking G O D

omg joel was definitely reading that space book for ellie she just talked about an early moon mission at this tank

DINA’S JOKE “she’s sounding a bit hoarse” they’re literally made for each other

OH MY GOD I JUST FOUND THE DR. UCKMANN CARD NO FUCKING SHOT

damn is this his way of addressing the crunch work hours at naughty dog?

“once a well respected researcher… questionable experiments in the realm of pushing human limits saw him ostracized from the scientific community… Laurent Foucault of SPARK Laboratories found his work dubious…”

the music is hauntingly beautiful in this area oh my god

OH MY GOD THE SCANNERS THAT DETECT THE VIRUS FROM THE BOSTON QZ IN THE FIRST GAME

i miss the first game LMAO even though i JUST finished that

THERE’S A FUCKING PEARL JAM POSTER IN THE MUSIC SHOP😭

IF I EVER WERE TO LOSE YOU, I’D SURELY LOSE MYSELF😭

i feel like this is supposed to be hank williams which would be fucking sick bc “alone and forsaken” and all that jazz haha

“guitars starting at $49.99” BRO SINCE WHEN I FUCKING WIIISH DUDE😭

as a drummer, i can confirm dina is a fucking natural

“i love you?” A H H H H H

ANUTHA CARD WOOO

Das Wort is my favorite card so far. he just like me fr

WAIT THIS IS THE TAKE ON ME SCENE

i will cry

SHE’S PLAYING FUTURE DAYS😭😭😭😭

BARRE CHORDS??? ellie i could literally never wtf

the chords are all accurate too holy fuck naughty dog

ashley has such a nice voice oh my god

i’m gonna fucking cry bc they put this in the hbo trailer

AAAAHHHHHHH😭😭

this is why i fucking love music dude. it transcends everything and always will. it’s the one thing that connects everyone. and it’s connecting people in this game too and i UGGHHH i love music holy fuck

the way dina looks at her🥹

and also knowing that joel was the one that showed her all of these songs and artists bc ellie wasn’t even alive to hear take on me and future days, and literally everything else. GOOOOODDDDDDDD😭😭

“you should have kissed me then.” “i wanted to.”

god i love dina and ellie they sound like an old married couple already

first dawn of the wolf poster i’ve seen!!! WOOOOO

i’m gonna come back to the nutrition distribution center bc i feel like that shit is gonna be bad news bears

“wasn’t joel all about coffee?” as he should. i’d be all about coffee too if i didn’t have it for years

ANUTHA CAAAARD

i really like the Big Blue card too

THAT FUCKING INFECTED IN THE BATHROOM SCARED THE FUCKING SHIT OUT OF ME MY SOUL LEFT MY BODY OH MY GOD

so many fucking side quests oml what do you mean “barko’s”

oh my god there are so many fucking alleyways to go down

THERE’S SO MUCH TO DO I AM SO BUSY FINDING SECRETS AND STUFFS

BARKO’S LOCATED

it’s too dark in here i don’t like it

“they think we’re sheep! BARE YOUR FANGS.” what in the fuckin trump train “sHeEpLe” is goin on in here

i feel like i’m gonna get fucking jumped by infected again in here

THIGH HOLSTER ACQUIRED

omg plz “we can get a little creature to take care of” AND THEN THEY HAVE A FARM AT THE END😭😭😭

STUN BOMB ACQUIRED

i have already spent 2 hours in this fucking QZ holy shit

i just wanna explore rn i don’t wanna progress story atm

i am secret hunting

ANUTHA CARD BABYYY WEST GATE 2

it doesn’t even look like i’ve done that much😭

i also have a bad feeling about this bank

oh fuck this shit. it goes underground

they are ALWAYS underground bro

dina this is not cool, this is scary

i don’t fucking trust this shit

HOW DID I FUCKING KNOW

infected or whateva🙄

SHOTGUN ACQUIRED

FUCK this bank dude i’m GONE

dina said she’d get a farmhouse with the money😭😭

okay i think i’m gonna stop here bc it is literally 5am and i am sleepy haha. no story! but got some goodies and secrets out of the way! i will continue maybe tomorrow? not sure bc i am quite busy but we’ll see!

having a really good time so far and i love watching ellie and dina’s dynamic! still lots of buildings and secrets to loot! i’m excited >:)

#the last of us part ii spoilers #the last of us part 2 spoilers #the last of us spoilers #the last of us part 2 #the last of us part ii #the last of us #tlou part ii spoilers #tlou part 2 spoilers #tlou spoilers #tlou part 2 #tlou part ii #tlou #mads plays the last of us!🌿#mads plays the last of us part ii!🍃

3 notes · View notes

popitdontdropitwrites · 2 years

Text

"Mx. Sinister" Engineer/Medic - Chapter 10

Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9,

CW: Obsession/Obsessive behaviour

Dell strode in with about three overstuffed shopping bags in his arms. Joseph eyed them curiously, knowing full well that Dell had spoiled him. Seeing glistening, new products in his personal hell made of junk and rust brought him immeasurable joy. In the past few days, he had only felt anger, misery and sheer, terrible boredom. Just a week before he had been thinking books under the evening sun, hot coffee with Misha and late nights with a head full of ideas and a pencil in hand. Now, only the thought of escape thrived. It invaded his mind in the quiet moments when Dell was nowhere to be seen and all had gone quiet on the farm. He convinced himself that he would eventually find a way out, if he just waited. He only feared that he would be waiting forever.

The sound of Dell’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts. “Don’t laugh but there’s more.” He chuckled nervously as he set the bags down. “I got a lil’ carried away.”

Joseph faked a smile. “I can tell.”

“I’ll bring it all in. Feel free to start diggin’ through it if ya want.” The Texan said, popping out of the room for a moment.

Joseph took the offer. He grabbed the one closest to him and rummaged through it. The first bag was full of clothes, which were all – by some miracle – his style. He picked through them more closely, looking as to which one he liked the most. He cracked a genuine smile as he found himself unable to decide. Dell had catered for his tastes far more closely than he ever could. He only wished that he had somewhere to go out to and someone to impress. He could wear just about anything and have Dell swooning over him. …Though he supposed that dressing nicely would keep him sane.

Dell came back in, holding two more bags in one hand and a pillow in the other.

“I’m impressed. There is not a single thing I dislike in here.”

“That’s what I was hopin’ to hear.” Dell grinned gleefully.

He put the clothes back into the bag to be washed before moving on to the next. Inside was a vast collection of different books. Most were by his favourite authors and thankfully, many he had not read yet. Some were unknown to him entirely and it made him wonder if they were suggestions from Dell. He could not see the stout man as an avid reader, but given how intelligent he was, it was entirely possible. He found some pens, pencils, and a journal right at the bottom of the bag, his clock in this timeless world. He unpacked each book and put them on his bed for now. He would make some room for them later. He was certain something in this godforsaken room could serve as a bookcase.

“So?” Dell asked, seemingly unable to control himself. He was fidgeting like a nervous schoolgirl with a crush.

“You made some very good choices, Dell. I should be impressed but I am also horrified that you know enough about my taste in literature to recommend me books.”

“I’ve had a lot of time to really narrow it down for ya.” Dell said. “You’ll love ‘em.”

“I’m sure I will.”

Wordlessly, Dell handed him the next bag. He took it, only briefly meeting his silver eyes. They reminded him of the thick, colourful seas of clouds seen on cold overcast mornings.

This bag contained toiletries and hygiene products – all of which were high quality. He browsed through soaps, scented candles, razors, aftershave, creams, balms, combs, shampoos and various others. It seemed to be bottomless. He unloaded the bag and scowled when he saw what was stashed right at the bottom.

Reluctantly, he picked up the tub of lube, unsettled by the mere prospect. “Did you buy this for yourself?” He asked, showing it to the stout man.

Dell turned bright red and immediately averted his gaze. “Naw… It’s uh… I got it for ya.” He sputtered out. “I-I thought you might need it. Y’know what it’s like when ya can’t uh… get release or nothin’.” He chuckled nervously. “Last thing I want is for ya to get all tense all by yourself in here.”

“I don’t want it.” He said.

“Don’t be shy about it, you and I both know that you’ll need it.” Dell shook his head.

Joseph was the one to turn red this time. His eyes widened and his heart fluttered, simultaneously embarrassed and furious. He shamefully put it with everything else, convincing himself that it was better to have it than go mad without it.

Dell bit his lip, averting his eyes. “There’s… a lil’ more in there for ya.”

He glared at Dell before daring to take a look. The worst was yet to come. Sinful instruments had been hidden from view and had been seemingly chosen with his taste. They were all in designs and colours he preferred. Looking closer, he noted how only the best had been selected, no matter the price. Though it disturbed him, it relieved him to think that there was no risk of boredom now.

“You were thorough.” He said, the words sounding almost laudatory, if not for the fearful inflection in his tone.

“I… I y-yeah. I wanted to make sure you’d be real snug and happy in here.” He explained.

“I appreciate the effort, even despite how much it disturbs me.” Joseph put everything away, making a mental note to sort it out later. “I suppose I’m attempting to thank you, as twisted as it sounds.”

Dell grinned from ear to ear, hungrily devouring even that slight praise. “It’s no trouble, Joseph.” He exclaimed gleefully. “Anytime ya want anythin’ jus’ ask.”

***

Hours passed him by with surprising ease. Joseph found himself entrapped in the claws of a thrilling novel and unable to escape. He had been curious about the stout man’s suggestion and found himself utterly engrossed in it. It was everything he wanted in a book and more. He simply couldn’t put it down. The thunderous sound of tools and vibrations through the walls didn’t even register with him as his mind read every word. He pulled the blankets up, surrounding himself with comfort and warmth as he took it all in. It was all too fascinating to devote even a single second to the outside world. He read quickly, not out of a desire to finish it as soon as possible, but to see more and more of the story unfurl.

Before long, the whirr of equipment ceased entirely, and the door opened with a creak soon after. “All done.” Dell peered in. “It’s safe for ya to come out now.”

The mere prospect of fresh air and sunlight was enough for him to excitedly shut the book he had been obsessing over for the past few hours. He wriggled out of his cocoon of blankets and approached Dell, who outstretched an arm to him. He refused to take it and joined him outside, cautious of the machine in the grass. He waited for the little red warning light to flicker, but true to the engineer’s word, the device in the grass did not respond to him.

He looked up to the sky and stretched out, the warmth from the evening sun kissing his skin and his clothes. The gentle breeze in his hair made him realise just how much he missed it. Even if he was merely in a cage with glass walls now, it was a step closer to freedom. He savoured it for a moment, allowing the relief and temporary bliss to smother his every thought.

“Ya couldn’t ask for better weather, I reckon.” Dell commented, standing beside him.

The seemingly endless cornfield ahead danced and swayed in the breeze, appearing golden under the sun. A rustic, yet beautiful country house stood nearby, its windows facing the field, as if watching over it. He longed to stay within its warm walls, relax in proper furniture, take in the delicious smells of the kitchen just before supper and most of all, he wanted to feel human.

“If it were any more perfect, I would have to pinch myself to make sure that I wasn’t dreaming.”

The Texan’s eyes locked with his for a few seconds too long. “Y’know, you’re lookin’ as pretty as a peach out here.”

“I can’t imagine that rickety old light being very flattering.” He joked, brushing the compliment off.

“Pah, you’re always stunnin’, Joseph.” He leant in, his eyes lighting up with the burning, predatory desire to kiss him. “Always.”

Joseph pulled away from him and cleared his throat, asserting his discomfort. “Would you mind granting me some time alone? I would much rather shower without you watching me for once.”

“Can do, partner. Towels are hangin’ on the rack for ya.”

6 notes · View notes

themediatorfriend · 5 months

Text

20's in 23.

(TW: ugly thoughts)

(To you who might read this, I don't want you to feel sorry for me. I'm writing this mostly as a reminder to myself and most of all, a lesson. allow me to be raw. But a favor pls, I welcomed you here because I trust that you'll never judge and you'll KEEP THIS TO YOURSELF)

A lil' bit late here isn't it? Coz, this acc serves as my journal, so ofc, imma write a whole paragraph. Sadly, I find myself unable to do so. I've lost so much in '23. Words. Smile. Health. Life...and the worst thing is, my will to live.

I am honestly scared to write this. Because if I did, I am admitting how the words of some shattered me. I am admitting how damaged I am. I am admitting how pathetic I lived this year. But I realized that this is also a proof that I survived 365 days of surviving, not living.

Funny isn't it? The reel seems like I was living a happy life. Personally, I was also shocked that I smiled more than I could remember this year. Creating this reel brought mixed feelings—of the memento that there were times I felt happy this year, of how dubious the film reel is.

If I were asked what is the thing I would definitely remember in 2023, it is that I cried ocean of tears; that there were times I could no longer cry because my default every single day is desolation. And if I had to, I needed books to feel something and shed tears coz I couldn't recognize anymore my own pain because of its familiarity.

2023 is a battle of survival—me against myself. I fought this alone and we're able to survive alone. That's one of my greatest achievements this year. I managed to survive 365 battles alone (shout out to those 71 books who were a great company).

To future me, when you see this again, you could survive whatever you're doing—alone or not. I am writing this right now because the world didn't end when I was 17. I hope you could say the same because you see? the world didn't end when you were 20. You may see that you were happy in this film when you were 20, but remember that you've cried more than you've laughed in 2023. I hope, to whatever age you are rn, you'll remember how your survival in 2023 brought you there.

Always go back to what you have survived at 20. Remember what you've gone through...

December '22 was the hallmark of my health decline. The stress I felt was too much, I never realized I was on a journey of self-destructing. At that time, I had to heal fast, coz apparently I have no right to be dramatic. Before I was able to process the pain, I was told to stop feeling the pain.

So, I healed myself—that's what I thought. Unfortunately, I was not healing. I pretended in my head that I was healed and gaslighted myself that I am already over it. My first betrayal to myself. And honestly, it worked—but for a short period of time.

I remember that December I badly needed a diversion. It wasn't a want. It's a need. So when i heard that I'd be able to go back home, I was so relieved. I would not be isolated anymore with my ugly thoughts with only the four corners of my room witnessing my whimpered cries. At least, I'd find myself having mundane but entertaining conversations with cousibs.

I was so excited to go back—until I wasn't.

January felt like a slap in my face. I was greeted with criticism (to put it mildly). My countenance and physique was an easy subject for disparaging words and heedless comments. I heard the worst words a man or woman could say to another being. There I feel myself slowly getting dragged at the bottom. It was the first time I hated myself. I never had a high-esteem in the first place but I was content with my appearance. I never considered myself a beauty but I wasn't dramatic about it. Coz I am CONTENTED.

But u could never know how words could damage a person beyond repair. I was already a cracked vase who was glued to life. And in that moment, I was broken again for another reason—body shaming.

With my autopilot self, I tried to get over it. I willed myself to do so. Unfortunately, the words already started festering in my mind. I was a wound that needed to be closed but we're left open.

For months, I tried various things to close the wound. But I have already become an open wound that was dripping the floor with blood. Infection started to spread in my system, I failed to notice that it was already feeding to the disease that was already starting to form in my body. The stress partnered with pretensions wasn't a good match for my health. They form a good synergy until it became the autoimmune disease—a graves' disease.

With already preexisting mental battles, now my physical health has already started to fail me, they were already attacking me too.

Stress is a good feed for graves. Unfortunately, I had to carry all the stressors at the same time with no one to hear my thoughts and aid me. Stress from: academics, unhealed pain last year, failed friendship, body dysmorphia, self-loathing, and a deteriorating belief system. It was a tough battle—one I had survived, but barely.

This is the worst part. I am aware that it was an ugly truth and I should have never ventured in it, but I was not able to stop myself. I betrayed myself and become one of its perpetrators; I started to hurt myself. Truth to be told, I am self-aware. It shouldn't have happened. But I was a weak human being. It became a natural response when the voices in my head are screaming. I don't even understand what they're. Help? That's one thing. But it's not the loudest. The loudest was the ugliest—my will to live which is close to none.

I know I needed to get out—of my bed, of my room, and of my head. I needed to open the windows but I couldn't find my energy. For months, I was gaslighting myself and romanticized the idea of being a homebody. With my limited human interactions, I isolated myself once again with my thoughts. I was betraying myself again. I knew I needed interactions. But I have no one. That's the struggle a uni student has to survive.

November was at least a little bit considerate to me. I've lost a loved one, but Alhamdulillah, I found comfort with some cousibs. I finally was able to interact with homies. Unfortunately, nothing changed. My appearance was once again an easy topic for jokes and criticisms. I tried so hard to put out a strong front. Yet, I failed miserably. I shed a tear in front of my cousin. One of the things I've started to hate. I don't want them to know that their words are blowing me to pieces. I don't want them to think their words are my downfall...I don't want them to feel bad. I knew I was betraying myself yet again. I've told myself I would voice for myself to draw a boundary. And I did try. I spoke. Yet, my overthinking won. I feel like I offended them. Another failure, I allowed them to step on me.

The good thing was I didn't broke down. Honestly, I don't even know if she knew I cried that time. If she pretended that she didn't notice, I appreciate that. I hate to be seen as flawed and weak. Even though, I am already hanging on a single thread.

December come once again. My body failed on me. I was told I would not be back to my usual look. A sad truth. Up until now, I am coming to terms with that. I have to remind myself everyday I would never be the same again. I can't keep living in the past and what ifs. I hated Decembers. It is a reminder of the things I have to fought.

A silver lining happened in the midst of my visitation in the hospital. Alex, who was a nurse who assisted me, was the one who made me realize things. "You're beautiful," she said. I hated compliments like this because it was though a charity phrase. I am aware of my look. I was told many things already, which I started to believe and I see myself in the mirror everyday even though I hated looking at my reflection.

As someone who was still picking up her pieces, to hear these words from a stranger made me realize this. I was looking at myself in a limited lens.

There are billions of people in this world, yet I welcomed the lens of the few. It's cliché but I realized the truth of choosing which people to accept in your life and hurt you.

You've suffered enough—not because you're a damaged portrait. It's because all this time, you were using the wrong lens to look at your life. There are thousands of lenses that exist in our sphere. Some are broken and old. Some are transcendental and new. You always have the choice which of these will you use and accept in your life. Let go.

Now I am at the process of deconstructing. I know I needed a company and change of scenery, but in life, the only constant company is yourself—so don't ever lose it. I needed a vacation in December in order to heal, but we don't always get what we need. And that is the gist of survival. You have to learn to survive alone.

-daylight

0 notes

theorist-influencer-untitled · 6 months

Text

12.16.23 Saturday

7:36 am

It is just weird that I have to scan this 10 pages form from conduent...Well, I asked already again and they told me that I have to do it...

I wonder if there ìs still a computer shop and scanner somewhere....

Later,I have to find a scanner somewhere... Still,have windblow...

Do I feel horny? 16 years that I'm single? Hmm....I posted this issue on my previous post...I have my lil green men.... But I want to find the right one...In a way,I still need to put collagen down there and I have a lil pride on it.... Though, it is irritating if you wanna feel it but there is no one for me now...

8:06 am

For windblow...

A lesson that I've learned lately that I asked for it from someone, if you angels want to know just read everything or back track my journal entries here though a lot of times I asked help and just venting out my bad emotion...

I did crave for sex for any position that I want but I was rejected, right? It was a lesson learned to hold myself and protect my ego and pride...

I feel ugly and fat now... I feel that I need to work... I really wanna beat the position of being a product manager or trainer... I wanna perfect my nose. I just need to find mature people to hang around with or new mature friends...

But life is full of surprises!!!

I STILL FEEL JEALOUS ON THINGS THAT I DON'T KNOW, THAT I MUST KNOW...

I'm fine "Lil Green Men" are with me to save my daY.

10:02 am

Done, with the forms and after lunch I have to scan this and send to Conduent...

I'm just wondering on page 6 about the word "contingent"...

Contingency refers to an event that may or may not occur in the future. In other words, it depends on fulfillment of a condition, which is uncertain or incidental. ( google)

♡♡♡♡

I just hope that I can smoothly start my job without hassle....

10:14 am

Just checking this Conduent the company is originated in New Jersey...

Hmm.... It suddenly pop-up in my mind my xbf who went there but this is just a story that I suddenly remember now... There was this one circumstance that happened during my 18th birthday and I knew he got mad at me or simply he was judgemental on something... This is just a past event of my life with some fucking, old,missing friends or gf's or bf's or old fucking friends are "all missing in action or simply super active at the back stage or they forgot to invite me in the bathroom".

Ouch!!!

So, this Mark who is a Born Again Christian that I met in FEU Recto, who originally lives in Bungalow Pampanga... Who got angry at me for shoving off my biological father on the day of my 18th birthday coz he didn't know the actual reason. I just figured out that he wanted to smash me coz of my behaviour...

Mark didn't know... It was my private argument on my biological father... It seems he wanted to remove my spoiled status here in my biological mother side on my Aunt who was my "mother Teresa"... What I mean is,my mother Teresa was my guardian and became my 2nd mom coz she was married with a Japanese and supported me on my education since high-school until college... Then,life is not always perfect...

I hope Mark should respect me on that behaviour and my biological father and I, we talked about it again just few years back that we really confronted each other about that day that I shoved him off on my 18th birthday...

My biological father knew that I asked him a money around 100k for my 18th birthday, it was an act suggested not ordered by my "adoptive parent's". They wanted my biological father to exist with pride. I got angry coz I called him for many2x times that I said Pa can you give me a 100k pesoses for my 18th birthday, for additional money and he didn't reply or anything coz he was really on his peak those days... I mean my biological father got good links and money. He is one of the best dancers on ballroom floor industry... Once you are one of the best or one of the charms of ballroom floor, you got a good backbone support...

The issue that Mark, got angry on me somehow the story was like that... He said that I was disrespectful... He wanted me to stay with my biological father coz of that for me to stop being a spoiled here. Mark just couldn't understand the situation that I had with my biological father.

But from the previous years, me and my biological father talked about it, he said he was busy that time. I said coz I asked money from you remember?

On my 18th birthday he appeared and I felt that what was the point of being there that I tried asking money from him and he was not replying... I just said what is the point of being here pa? You didn't give me additional money. He just gave me the necklace, earrings,bracelet everything on real GOLD then he left... We had a gap for some years...

The jewellery that he gave me it was all on the Cebuana Pawnshop and I wasn't able to recover even my other rings and golds...

10:53 am

For Mark, I have no guilty emotion on him... I just can't end up with someone who will take the side of my family, I mean I don't like that kind of man or bf....

I want my bf or gf be always on my side! Most specially my bf! I don't want my bf to be on the side of my family that is not a good husband!

Mark just wanted a points for him...

11:30 am

I still have windblow...

Again, can I just kiss Borgy's lower abdomen before lunch?

If we can just turn back the time Borgy....

youtube

12:27 noon

Lunch time... I don't know....This is my favorite picture of Borgy... Of all of his pictures, coz it looks like college...

If I can just really turn back the time... Time is something Borgy... Right?

At one point I have addiction on my bf being dugyot or looking wasted... But it looks like really college... College bf...

Dugyot or looking wasted but still brushing his teeth and cleaning his nails... A good sweaty smell that you will still love him...

5:21 pm

Krisia Paglinawan is one of the HR's or assisting employee in Conduent for many2x times she sent me that my NBI is already expired,for several times I answered her Ms or Mam Krisia it will be on 23... It is just 16th of December today and I already sent all of my requirements documents via mail to everyone on HR in Conduent...

Ms Krisia Paglinawan keeps on telling me that my NBI is expired... She is crazy... She is crazy angels...

Done, sending all of my scan documents in Conduent.

8:16 pm

This Krisia is crazy...

8:35 pm

It is still valid, it can still be processed as for today as valid requirements....It is not a receipt, it is a clearance!

Say "update after the validity"...

Plus,the police clearance??? Huh???

8:58 pm

The main security told me that next week probably we will start... Mr Joe told me to process everything today....There is contingency, angels... I need a job...

I need to complete everything today...

Something is weird and wrong...

I FEEL JEALOUS ON THINGS THAT I DON'T KNOW, THAT I MUST KNOW... THAT I SHOULD KNOW...

9:22 pm

Shit this NBI... What the fuck are those dates???

9:43 pm

Whew! Stress... I'm having chest pain... I feel bad...

10:41 pm

I have windblow... On Monday will process my fucking NBI in Robinson Dasma.

I don't have a schedule which is I need to fall in a long line... I hate it!!! I CAN'T MAKE A SCHEDULE...

I feeel bullshit!!!

Plus, I feel jealous on something that I don't know...

#Youtube

0 notes