#thought i was going to die the last time

[neuroticboyfriend]

harm reduction my beloved

#huge difference between now and the last time i drank and drugged #thought i was going to die the last time #right now i have pretty good confidence that i'll survive tonight #hell yeah #around 8 shots in on 3 other GABAergics (including 3.4g of gabapentin today) #and i feel like im on 3 shots. maybe 2. without tolerance #oh my GABAergic tolerance is absolutely fucked #and this time it's not entirely my fault. psych ward gave me 2 more GABAergics #very potent ones too #julian rants #vent #drunk posting #posting under the influence #drugs tw #alcohol tw #harm reduction #addiction #alcoholism

[buildoblivionthenwewilltalk]

i’m sorry but no tardis crew quite lives up to the ‘peter pan and the lost boys’ allegations like team five

#doctor who #the way he’s floating through space and time with a ship full of strays #all orphans or exiles and stowaways #all of them running after someone who didn’t grow up #who shed his last face for something younger and lighter #boyish and bright #but everyone has to leave eventually #both Nyssa and turlough quite literally have to ‘grow up’ - duty calls them to a place where they take responsibility on their own #Tegan realises that life with the doctor is too much - she needs both feet on the ground and one day in front of the other #a life where she is safe #and Adric???? well … he never gets the chance :( #but the doctor has no darlings to go home to #he keeps on running until his curiosity catches up #nearly gets his next stray killed #so he chooses to ‘die’ #what an awfully big adventure #I’m not sure that’s quite all of it or all quite right #but i am thinking …. thoughts #this might turn into something hmmmmmm #all doctors have a Peter and Wendy thing going on to some extent #but fivey just …. yes #fifth doctor #5th doctor #Classic who #meta #note here I don’t see regeneration as death as such #just change #five doesnt quite grow up onto six #but boy does he change #I am an 8/charley/never land enjoyer can you tell 😅

[crossbackpoke-check]

Why I Am Not Coming In To Work Today [abridged], Jess Zimmerman

part one | part two

#me when everybody is posting the maple leafs sad narratives and i am furiously generating this like HOLD ONNNN HOLD ONNNNNNN #honestly i could've been SOOOO MEAN about this because i saw this poem & alexandra got the preview on the poetry blog #where i just reblogged the first half of this poem point blank with the tags #kyle dubas #toronto maple leafs #& got yelled at aksdaksf & it literally only didn't go on this blog bc i usually write more & then it was percolating & i looked up the poe #& it was only the FIRST PART i'd reblogged i didn't know there was more & then brain immediately went brrrrr ok time for an edit. #this is a long one lol & i also have no idea if it makes sense to anybody but me but because y'all know me i will always overexplain so!! #my reasoning for the reasons obvi kyle. that's a given i hope he's doing well i hope he & his family r good but man is not coming in to wor #the second edit took me a stupid amount of time bc i am nitpicky but also i learned how to do the layers & transparency from the claude edi #that actually y'all don't know about lmao but i lost my mind when i saw how perfectly those pictures align i was scrolling getty & was like #ok december i'm gonna do a headline one (in my brain with the november/june quote about choosing to die again) w/ maple leafs playoff odds #how they say at winter break you know who's gonna be in the playoffs & who'll win & they thought they had a shot but it's mitchie overlaid #the 2003-04 team who'd last won a playoff round with the atlantic division stats from dec for 22-23 & how long it's been & dec headlines #i wanted breakup/recent/never loved to be a recent trade acquisition somebody who bounced around & somebody else so i almost had simmer #brodie & zar but then i wanted to make murray for breakup at any time &i forgot zar & him were on the pens together &it hit me like a truc #bc there's a photo of the two of them EXACTLY the same so close it's scary of this one but them as pens so they had to be it & i did always #know never loved again was mitchie. sorry. also mitchie in the penalty box the last game but i couldn't find footage of it & this one works #no i could not find a photo of tyler bertuzzi fighting a leaf for a dog looked at me yes i tried. #i almost made the bunting photo jt but instead it's 'bunting a rat etc' anyway the one i really feel unhinged about is dead pets bc at firs #i was gonna make it the handshake line & look to see if the leafs had drafted anybody on the panthers (dead pet former draft pick) #& they had & it was carter verhaeghe & i couldn't get a good pic of matthews & verhaeghe but it's fine bc i thought about the mo/luke schen #narrative (in which they are a perfect d pair long lost) & schenn was drafted by the leafs & that line fits jut trust me. also how i feel #about the kniesy luminous line that one possessed me it had to be kniesy idk why. i almost put gussy as girls are too pretty though ALSO #did u like my joke. daylight SAVINGS time on the goalie. thank u. also my photo magic on the jt (me very poorly editing in him as an isle) #OK ALSO HOLD ONNNNN there is a part two but i have to wait for the Content i want it will come out as soon as [redacted] or sooner #if i get bad at waiting &everyone will pretend like it is always the way it will be once i have the photos i want. speaking of did the leaf #simply not take a team photo this year?? it Does Not Exist for me i have tried very hard to look for it also i'm excited for part 2 #one of them is named oh you're so unhinged for this one & the finished product is you're unhinged in ways you didn't even know u were sorry #liv in the replies

[stevieharringtonwifeguy]

i love a/b/o steddie where they get started like so young that if it was someone i knew irl i'd have a panic attack. like,, mated right out of high school, baby pops out a year later, they've got like five kids by the time they're 25

thinking about an au where they were already together pre- start of s4 and steve goes through the whole thing like three months pregnant. like he's stressed about the baby and eddie and eddie's SUPER stressed about the baby and steve, like eddie's trying to get steve to sit this one out for the baby and steve has to yell at him to stop bc yeah, he's worried about losing their first child, but if he sat at home while everyone else dealt with the upside down and someone didn't come back??? he'd never be able to live with himself

and when the bats get eddie and steve tries to use the mating bond to share some of eddie's pain, help him hold on until they get to the hospital, eddie weakly tries to tell him not to, to think of the baby. and steve's just. not having it. and once eddie wakes up from his medically induced coma he's like :(( why'd you do that and steve is just. so mad. he says yeah, if i had lost the baby (he doesn't, she's fine) that would have been the most terrible pain i'd ever felt. but it would have been worse if i lost you. and eddie's like. oh. bc maybe part of him has always been thinking that steve's only stuck with him bc he's the father of their kid. but no, steve loves him.

so eddie's crying, and steve's crying, and then steve shows eddie the ultrasound they did during eddie's coma to check the baby hadn't been hurt by the week of stress and danger and pain-sharing, and it's the first time they've been able to actually see the shape of a baby in all the weird white noise of an ultrasound, and now they're both crying even harder

#also nancy is definitely the friend that's like. oh you're 19 and married and pregnant?? that's so.. good! 🙃 yay im sure this will be fine🙃 #robin WAS that friend but she's spent too long in steddies proximity and has realised that if they don't work out theres no hope for anyone #steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #just. steve finally letting go of the last shreds of his upbringing and becoming 'white trash' and being so SO happy #also me 🤝 eddie: understanding that steve must be kept barefoot and pregnant at all times #everyone's like wow steve your alpha has a problem dude clearly can't keep it in his pants #steve has to be like no actually *I* have the problem #they're that couple you look at and you're like. they know about birth control right. like they know that exists #eddie tried to wear a condom once and steve was like i'd literally rather die #and then he was like im joking obviously we can slow down or stop with the kids if u want this is a partnership #eddie's like oh no i just thought YOU might want to karen chewed me out for not letting you rest. but if ur cool let's gooooo

[moeblob]

Windy at my house + power flickering = no comm work = quick laptop doodle

#my characters #i genuinely hoped the wind would die down but like ??? nah? #and the last time we lost power without an actual storm it WAS bc of wind #and so i just get so panicked over please dont fry my tablet with a power surge #if it calms down by tonight i really wanna work on art since i spent almost all day yesterday struggling with a pose and i finally #think i thought of something that could work and then (gestures to the wind) fuck me #also in regards to these two you have seen me drawing deacon a lot recently and i only drew armya once so far #she is a devoted follower to fulj which is really rare since fulj no longer has a large following nor a temple #so when fulj finds her its comforting and reassuring and she adores armya a lot #however the fact that fulj relentlessly teases deacon and calls him names is like..... ok wait would you really be mean to me if it wasnt #for her ? like would you still pick on me? :c and shes like lol yeah dude absolutely #deacon is just constantly dunked on by the lightning group and hes so sad because he wanted to be friends :c #but also the guy wouldnt really recognize the followers if it wasnt for the traces of lady fulj #so if they would wander into the city without having been possessed recently he probably wouldnt even cast a glance their way #nothing personal he just straight up doesnt decipher looks fast at all #he could think they look familiar but then not know why ESPECIALLY if they wear something he's not used to them in #like if armya showed up in something other than her loose white jacket he would not be able to go AH YES ARMYA immediately #he identifies people by hair or clothing details so it kinda messes him up if people remove whatever identifying trait they have #long hair getting a hair cut? suddenly a whole new person #and armya knows this very well since he never looked her way unless fulj was possessing her or trailing her #so she does like to tease him as just. we are both in servitude to a deity and same rank but like. bro youre too easy to mock #(fulj agrees)

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

thinking so so hard about LaughingStock and how that'd go down. disastrously, probably

#and ill talk about it at Length in the tags until tumblr cuts me off like a rowdy drunk after last call #please keep in mind this is all in my Brain and relationship dynamics etc are all technically speculation. anyway #so while franklydear is your more classic 'oh no im in love with him! / aw shucks im in love with him<3' #laughingstock is 'feelings what feelings / oh shit oh fuck this is bad' #to Me. #in my mind howdy is completely oblivious to his emotions #he's out here like 'gotta get the store impressively neat & shiny for barnaby! and everyone else' without blinking an eye #he starts assembling barnaby and wally's dogs slower an slower so that barnaby has to hang around a smidge longer than usual #he's out here giggling at barnaby's jokes while sweeping Hours or Days after the joke was told like a lovesick idiot #all while being like Ah Yes Barnaby My Dear Friend. My Platonic Buddy Whose Jokes I Laugh At A Little Too Hard. Platonically. #meanwhile barnaby Realizes his own feels. has a minor crisis. goes through the 12 stages of grief and absolutely panics #he's like 'ok just gotta play it cool. normal. dont be weird. he'll fall for your natural charm in no time' #'ill hold all of my feelings right here until i die or howdy reciprocates. i just cant tell anyone about this.' #'....hey wally you can keep a secret right' #and rizzes it up yk. rolls a nat 20 on charisma every time without howdy even realizing it. ig barns rolled for stealth too #and from barnabys pov its going great! #howdy is flirting back! hes showing all the signs! when eddie views their interactions he comes to barnaby later and is like A+ gay as fuck #so barnaby is a soft pining mess and howdy is Absurdly Oblivious despite being a clever & observant guy #so im imagining (will freely admit that this Train of Thought is slightly inspired by the latest chapter of Stamps by Indigopoptart) #that eventually barnaby is Confident in their budding relationship ok. hes ready to ask howdy out. #everyone who Knows (wally & eddie) are like Go For It He Clearly Loves You #and when barnaby tells howdy. howdys like 'ohhhh geez um im really flattered 🥺 but i dont feel the same 😔😭' #cue barnaby turning into the 'never again' meme while trying to laugh it off and pretend like he didnt just have his heart mr starked #so he goes home to smoke his pipe and cry and howdy goes about his day feeling Strange #why cant he stop thinking about that confession. what are these emotions. i mean its not as if hes in love with Ohhhhhh No. Oh No. #so howdy has his 'holy shit! im in love with barnaby! (lovestruck. swooning) ....Holy Shit I Rejected Barnaby (horrified. nauseous)' moment #cue howdy expecting barnaby to come by in the morning as per Routine so they can talk. he Doesnt. cue howdy stressing the fuck out over it #meanwhile wally sally (eddie sent her in his place. hes too busy) and barnaby are having a girls day (eating ice cream and watchin romcoms) #eventually barnaby hears that howdy has been Dropping The Ball and cant not check on him. cue emotional heart-2-heart outside the bodega #this is all very specific but its in my brain. these scenarious lull me to sleep every night lately

[amazingspidermans]

watching the last of us is just thinking "thats the saddest episode of tv i've ever seen" until the next week's episode when you "thats the actual saddest episode of tv i've ever seen" until the next week's episode when you think-

#every time i think the worst is over. jumpscare! #like i actually cried watching sarah die in ep 1 #and i thought “ok so the emotions r done now” its apocalypse time #and then. AND THEN. #we get tess die #then bill and frank die #then HENRY AND SAM #i WAS SOBBING FOR HENRY AND SAM #guys i have not played the game if it keeps going like this #i will not make it to the end #tlou #the last of us #tv: the last of us #joel miller #ellie the last of us #ch: joel miller #ch: ellie (tlou)

[iratusmus]

never forget the time i laughed myself to tears over this image

#for context i was kind of delirious and had an incredibly bad cold to the point that multiple times i had coughing fits #so bad i literally could not breathe and actually thought i was going to die a few times #and i was bored and was talking over the phone about how i was surprised we didnt get an archie sonic time travel arc #because that would be an INCREDIBLY archie sonic thing to do #and then i remembered . This . and tried to read the panel out loud to the person i was talking to #but in my attempt to say the words ''sonugh the boghog'' i started laughing so hard i started choking and also crying #ice age out!* [*“chill out” to us - Editor] #<- in another universe. tumblr user iratusmus' last words

[ef-1]

girlhood

#i have to fly out to capetown to see mother and im literally debating if i could land in the morning and leave at night on the same day #like. anything longer than that is going to ruin my year. #when she called and did her “katherine. you have to be here on the 10th” i literally sobbed in my bed for the rest of the day 😍😍😍 #not dyeing my hair black for a year and its getting lighter and lighter everyday and i look like her again #and my therapist telling me “you need to do things for yourself.” but like can i? sorry that woman traumatised me and i actually cant :) #like everything i do is informed by her #I'm going to go and just like everytime the only way to keep my sanity is to mirror her. talk and sit and speak and read and eat like her #and its such a terrifying experience bc i remember that im capable of emulating her viciousness and maybe i am my mother's daugher 🤢🤢🤢 #and im going to come back and its going to take fucking months for me to feel like myself again #“oh you look so beautiful just like your mother” i hope you DIE lol !!! the fact that my conception of beauty was shaped by her #growing up with this cruel beautiful detached woman and realising that at the intersection of beauty and wickness is a lifetime of pain #and still being so desperate for her approval- for any metaphysical proximity to her that i felt elated when #people would tell me i look like her. that it meant i was also beautiful like her and maybe she'll love me a little for it #but now i know for a fact that i do look like her and it makes saliva swell under my tongue - that moment right before you throw up- #when people mention it 😍 #last time i was in capetown my optic neuritis flared up (and i know for a fact it was that it was ms-stress related from having to see her) #and i thought i hid it so well even though i had near constant headaches & lethargy until she said “katherine give me the red notebook” #and i knew that she knew all along. it was so acutely humiliating standing there and knowing she knows i cant see which one is the red one #and she tilted her head and said “whats the matter? do you not know what red looks like?” #im never going to have kids. my mother and i read eachother so well it can only mean im never too far removed from becoming her #lol!!!!!!!!!

[jackklinemybeloved]

went into this episode excited to see ylfa and the beast interact and crossing my fingers for a good elody and gerard union and came out with an existential crisis about these young nihilistic women running themselves into the ground and destroying everything because they don’t know what else to do

#part of their argument is interesting but like. #i dont think theyve had that many more 'times' than the rest of the cast? #like the vibe ive gotten is that like. cinderella and snow white have been to more but not like. a ton. like not a ton of sets of memories #like 5/6 TOPS #and they're like 'oh no theres no way to make this better and if i still exist that means my stories where i dont have free will still live' #WHAT #idk. #i find them very interesting but. #it's very weird ya know #like at this point theres no real difference between them and the stepmother #other than maybe their motivation #like obviously things have to come to an end but like. that's what the wolf is for #the way he talks i think it's clear that ALL of the worlds wont last FOREVER #and everyone has said the worlds arent limitless #like once you die you cant go back to that story #idk i still have to process this episode. a lot happened #i have a lot of thoughts about the princesses but #it was really cool and funny to see rosamund do a full fucking 180 with 'D FUCKING W' #anyway. what an ep. #neverafter #dimension 20 #neverafter spoilers

[appallinnballin]

my beautiful son who has every disease

#THAST HIM! thats him #context that may or may not be important but last year 2022 on march I got food poisoning #on 17th i got food poisonjng for the second time thag year and a couple of my friends and i started a running joke that i was pregnant #and we kept it going for nine fucking months! my fiance especially thought it was the funnjest thing #november 17 marks the day my fardlet was born and he will turn one in two months #i would do anything for him #original character #yeah #my art #Virginia von Countryroadstakemehome Fardlet III #ok i just had to look at what ive allegedly named him as i forgot and went to look at the year old post #and. well. maybe not *anything* for him #actually forget it SORRY FOR LONG TAGS but I would do absolutely anything for him I would kill i would die every time i look at this drawing #that i meant to show as pathetic as possible i fall in love with him a little bit more oh my god goddammit. i love you virginia #i would kill i would die for him. *******

[fruixtii]

thinking about how much worse malleus and idias overblots are compared to the others. like they were both close to ending the world. i mean malleus still is since we’re in the middle of his overblot but he’s (most likely) not going to succeed so…..

#what if malleus permanently lost his magic after his overblot hahahaha #that would be. hilarious #looks away nervously #idia was on the verge of death too i think?? #how fucked up would it be if malleus died just like malenoa #it’s definitely not going to happen but. yknow. food for thought #imagine malenoa dies in lilias arms…and lilia swears to protect her son to honor her last wish… #only for malleus to die because of the isolation and bottled emotions building up his whole life #sorry this is literally the opposite of what i just posted #1 am is just the prime time for diasomnia thoughts #twst posting #twst spoilers

[kelpiemomma]

He hesitated as the child below him smiled and reached up. His claws rested right above its head and yet it looked delighted to see him. Did it not realize the danger it was in? It grabbed his fur and giggled.

"Puppy!"

...if he was asked, he was simply raising it up to help him infiltrate human settlements better.

#Khan a. #Zoroark Khan #Raised by Zoroarks au #Khan finds Akari in the middle of nowhere and is about to kill her (bc all humans deserve to die in his eyes) #But when she smiles at him he can't do it and decides to take her in and raise her instead #There was something about her looking... Happy to see him that stopped him #(when was the last time anyone was happy to see him?) #(this is bc I thought it'd be funny if Khan raised akari as a Zoroark and then got upset and jealous #When ingo drops the fuck out of the sky and after becoming the warden becomes friendly #the weird feral child running with Zoroarks. He tries to guide her into human behaviors which she finds so INTERESTING #Esp when he decides she's good enough to go into town!!! The town humans are neat and not at all scary like khan had always said #Ingo lies and says she's his daughter. That they had gotten separated during travel. That she had to survive on her own for a time #Which is why she's... Like That. Everyone eats it up. Gives her free stuff. Tells her they're glad she's reunited with her dad. #Akari tells Khan (who's only referred to as 'malice' yet) and Khan gets jealous as FUCK. #That is HIS BABY. HE FOUND HER. HE RAISED HER. SHE'S HIS DAUGHTER. NOT INGO'S!!! #But when he tries to sneak into Jubilife to steal her back? Bring her home? Do something? He's caught and chased out. And the next morning #Things are abuzz with the news that a black Zoroark had tried to break in!! Those things are so dangerous!! Say... #Hadn't the clans mentioned a black Zoroark before? #Akari discovers then (long after befriending ingo and months since she started coming into town) that Khan had told her the truth. #That these people hated Zoroarks. Feared them. But Ingo tells her that the clans have been harassed by them for generations. #That Malice is right but also he's wrong. And Akari decides she's going to show how GOOD Zoroarks are!!! How loving the are to their family #She ends up helping Laventon and Rei with the dex. She is still known as Warden Ingo's Feral Daughter. And everyone wonders and fears #Bc somehow one of the first pokemon she caught was a zorua she keeps in her party ALWAYS. Ingo thinks her wanting to show the good side #of Zoroarks is a good thing. Peace would be beneficial. He's heard hunters in the pearl clan discuss wanting to track down and kill #Every Zoroark and zorua to keep them from hunting the clans. He doesn't want an entire species wiped out! #So there is Ingo and his 'daughter' (who he is genuinely starting to see as his daughter) and then suddenly #One day there is a knock at the door. And ingo opens it to see a young man with a nasty scar GLARING at him #And the first thing he says is 'give me back my child' which makes ingo ???) #There were more tags but Tumblr said 'fuck you that's too many' #TLDR ingo has to lie to Jubilife residents and tell them Khan is his ex and the residents are LIVING for the perceived Family Drama™️

[eddis-not-eeddis]

.

#i don't really want to make a whole post about it because it was a very personal and very miserable time for me #but genuinely #the thing that got me wanting to move on again and LIVE after my life plans all fell apart last year #was sitting down and very seriously thinking about the kind of woman i want to be when i'm 70 #i hit that thing that a lot of people in their mid-twenties are hitting right now #where it feels like we've already wasted everything and not only are we failures now but we will always BE failures until we die #but right now i'm still in my twenties #and when i thought about what a good lifespan looked like to me #70-ish seems about right #and what do i want to have when i'm 70 #what skills will be useful and beyond that #what skills will be fun #i had gotten into a mindset of “too late too late” #learning to draw #or sing #or dance #or fix a car #or ride a motorcycle #they all felt like learning NOW would be pointless because *melodramatically* aLL my YoUtH HaS bEEn WaStEddd #but unless God has another plan i'm not going to die in my twenties #i'll likely live many more decades #my life probably isn't even half-way over yet #what do i want to be when i'm 70? #it doesn't matter that i don't know everything yet #i have more than four decades to work on it #that's more than the entirety of the life i've already lived #and yeah #i spent five years at a dead end job that finally drove me almost to a breakdown #but even that wasn't a waste #i saved enough to go to school and i learned a lot while i worked there

[singingtinydeskengineer]

I think a lot about the fact that Miss Pauling knows who Scout's father is and just doesn't tell him. Not just that actually, but actively keeps it a secret from him and doesn't seem to feel guilty about it.

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #This is not like an anti miss pauling post #i just find her detachment really fascinating like i wanna dissect her thoughts #Although she is friends with most of the mercs #i feel like she simultaneously doesn't engage with their emotions and concerns in a serious way #She treats a lot of them more like a baby sitter would treat their kids i guess #Even the mercs that she is closer with #I almost feel like she talks to them the way you'd talk to an older kid you trust to watch the other kids for a short amount of time #She keeps them happy and makes sure they don't die #But in the end she is fine going against their wishes and manipulating them #because whatever cause she is about is what's best #I don't feel like anyone else seems to mention or pick up on that #i almost feel insane for getting this vibe #I wish the last comic actually came out so i knew what her deal was #Not exactly an anti scoutpauling post either #i don't see her liking him back the way he likes her but i think the idea of her psychologically torturing him is sort of cool

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

if toji suddenly reincarnated back into ssg, how would each character react? like obvi gojo would try to hollow purple him on sight but he manages to hold himself back to get some answers from toji instead. do the others know that it was bc of toji that megumi is stuck in the situation he’s in rn? would megumi even want to talk to his dad?

and how would toji take finding out how the zenin treated his son? he thought that he’d be safe and happy there and then he finds out what they did to megumi and that it was gojo and co who stopped it.

Everyone knows that Toji sold megumi to the zenin.

I think it actually really bothers Megumi how it’s common knowledge. He doesn’t know anything about his own father other than he sold him, and that’s not even private to him. He’s just some unwanted kid who his dad only had to sell like prized cattle.

It was never a secret that Toji sold him to the Zenin. Maki knew, and she already told the others when giving them the rundown on what happened. They’d all know that toji’s the reason megumi’s stuck in this situation.

The second years:

It depends on when he arrived. If it’s when Yuuta still hasn’t gotten the RCT backlash under control, then he may have to worry a bit about the power of love and also this sword.

He’d survive. Not unscathed. But he’d survive.

If it’s after Yuuta’s gotten control, Yuuta still would hate him, but he wouldn’t be as proactive about it. Mostly because Megumi would feel weird about him making a fuss. He’d intervene every time Toji tried to talk to Megumi if Megumi established he didn’t want to talk to him. He’d try to quietly get him the fuck out of there. He'd radiate an aura of murder whenever Toji came close.

Maki would ice Toji out on principle. Like, she’d hate that she had to. Toji’s supposed to be the only one who understands her. They’re both Zenin clan rejects. They both were hurt in such similar ways.

But only one of them sold their fucking kid back into that hellhole, and that ended with Megumi in a hospital bed. She’d be bitter, internally, that she couldn’t try for something like a relationship with Toji. She’d wonder if she betrayed Mai the same way he betrayed Megumi. She wouldn’t outwardly react to him. She’d ice him out.

Inumaki and Panda would embark on a quest to ruin his fucking life. They’d short sheet his bed. They’d put itching powder in his pants. They’d put bleach in his shampoo. All would fail, but this would not discourage them.

The adults:

Gojo would bend over backwards to keep Toji away from Megumi.

Gojo's playing the game of "only let Megumi get information he can physically handle" right now. that's why he's refusing to let Maki tell him the truth about the Ten Shadows. He knows his kid. He knows Megumi's impossibly fucked up and is not going to tell them how badly or ask for help for what happened. He knows Megumi's going to break if anything else happens, and he knows that Toji showing up out of nowhere and dropping six bombshells on him is not something Megumi could handle. He'd squeeze Toji for insider information on the Zenin and threaten to punt Toji to the moon if he didn't stay the fuck away.

Toji would not be impressed by the threats.

Nanami and Shoko would refuse to have anything to do with him. Shoko wouldn’t speak to him. Nanami would, but only to inform him that his sole priorities are the wellbeing of his family, and that Megumi has a right to speak with Toji if he so wishes, but if he doesn't, toji needs to steer far clear of him. He's done enough. toji may have been his father biologically, but Nanami was the one who carried him home--twice--after the family Toji sold him to broke him to the point he was close to death. Nanami has been there for the parent teacher conferences and the nightmares and all the shit Toji never even tried to be there for even when he had a chance. Toji surrendered his place in Megumi's life, and it's been filled. And Toji should not dare to try and hurt nanami's family again. He's already done enough.

Megumi:

Megumi hates him. And he wouldn’t want to talk to him.

Megumi never talks about his dad. If someone asked, he’d say he doesn’t care about him, didn’t expect better from him, and doesn’t care that toji sold him. It’s hard to be hurt by someone you never expected to love you. He’s not surprised; he’s not disappointed; this is just his dad being on brand. He was a piece of shit before and a piece of shit now.

He’d be lying.

His dad selling him to the Zenin cut megumi deeper than anything else in his life. The zenin were always his abusers. But Toji was supposed to be his dad. He was supposed to take care of him.

He was supposed to love him. And a part of megumi has never been able to understand why he didn’t.

In megumi’s mind, he had to have known what pieces of shit the Zenin were, and he sent him there anyway. And Megumi hates him for it, he really does.

I guess it really depends on when in the sgg timeline it is. Like, are we dropping him right in the middle of the currently chapter?

Megumi would assume he’s a hallucination. He’d think his brain would be just fucking with him and making it all hurt more. It would make him violently upset, and Toji would have to be removed from the room, and Gojo would probably have to knock Megumi out to get him to calm down again.

If he’s gotten better, then Toji would still make him violently upset. But he’d be aware enough to hide how much.

He’d refuse to see him. He’d refuse to talk to him. He wouldn’t want to be in the same room as him. His dad couldn’t be fucked to ever be there for him, so Megumi doesn’t see why he should drop everything to see him now.

Megumi's not in a mindset where he could ever healthily see Toji, coming right off SGGs. like, he's traumatized out of his fucking mind. He's absolutely unable to handle the added stress of his deadbeat dad coming back to life and wanting to chat.

Toji:

Toji would kill all of them.

The thing is, I don't think Toji actually thought Megumi would be safe and happy with the Zenin. I think that's the lie he told himself to justify selling his son to his abusers. Like, he knows his family's cruelty better than anyone. He knows that even if you have cursed energy, they're not exactly tender parents.

I think he was just in a spiral, struggling with a gambling addiction, and was trying to take an easy way out and lying to himself about what exactly he was doing to his son.

He'd feel like shit over it, the confirmation that he son could be literally the most important person for hundreds of years to the zenin and they'd still hurt him. He'd kill them for putting Megumi in the hospital bed, for hurting him all those years ago. He wouldn't know how to begin fixing things with his son, so he'd do what he knows how to do, which is just fucking kill the people who hurt him to begin with.

#sea glass gardens #i made this entire post about toji's character once and in sum i don't buy for a second that he actually thought the zenin would take care #of megumi and make him happy. he was lying to himself. you don't go to /sell your child/ with the best of intentions #nanami knows he can't beat toji in a fight but also he doesn't care #he'd die to keep megumi safe right now #right now nanami's playing the role of the person managing everyone else's crises but he's impossibly fucked up #keep in mind he was the one who had to carry megumi home the last time the zenin did this #and he swore to megumi that he'd never let it happen again #then he had to carry megumi's body in again this time and it was just as broken as before #megumi wasn't the kind of child to let people pick him up often #the last time he carried him in childhood was when megumi was broken and bloody from what the zenin did to him #he never picked him up again until he was carrying megumi in from the car #and he's so goddamn sorry for that he really is #toji: i'm going to kill the entire zenin clan #yuuta currently not normal and desiring the same thing: okay okay okay okay #he's trying not to have any reason to like toji okay