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argyrocratie · 2 years

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“There was considerably more intellectual substance to the counterculture than appeared to superficial observers. While there were indeed lots of stereotypically naïve and passive flower children (particularly among the second wave of teenagers, who adopted the trappings of an already existing hip lifestyle without ever having to have gone through any independent ventures), many hip people had broader experiences and more critical sense, and were engaged in a variety of creative and radical pursuits.

Some people may be surprised at the contrast between the scathing critiques I made of the counterculture in some of my previous writings and the more favorable picture presented here. It’s the context that has changed, not my views. In the early seventies, when everyone was still quite aware of the counterculture’s radical aspects, I felt it was necessary to challenge its complacency, to point out its limits and illusions. Now that the radical aspects have been practically forgotten, it seems equally important to recall just how wild and liberating it was. Alongside all the spectacular hype, millions of people were making drastic changes in their own lives, carrying out daring and outrageous experiments they could hardly have dreamed of a few years before.

I don’t deny that the counterculture contained a lot of passivity and foolishness. I only want to stress that we were aiming at �� and to some extent already experiencing — a fundamental transformation of all aspects of life. We knew how profoundly psychedelics had altered our own outlook. In the early sixties, only a few thousand people had had the experience; five years later the number was over a million. Who was to say that this trend would not continue and finally undermine the whole system?

While it lasted it was remarkably trusting and good-natured. I’d think nothing of hitching with anyone, offering total strangers a joint, or inviting them over to crash at my place if they were new in town. This trust was almost never abused. True, Haight-Ashbury itself didn’t last very long. (The turning point was around 1967, when the “Summer of Love” publicity brought a huge influx of less experienced teenagers who were more susceptible to exploitation by the parallel influx of ripoff artists and hard-drug dealers.) But elsewhere the counterculture continued to flourish and spread for several more years.

Personally, I was interested in “mind-expanding” experiences; mere mind-numbing escapist kicks had little appeal for me, and most of the people I hung out with felt the same way. Apart from an occasional beer, we scarcely even drank alcohol — we had a hard time imagining how anyone, unless extremely repressed, could prefer the crude and often obnoxious effects of booze to the benign aesthetic effects of grass. As for hard drugs, we scarcely ever heard of them — with the one notable exception of speed (amphetamine). In moderate doses, speed isn’t much different than drinking a lot of coffee, and most of us had occasionally used it to stay up all night to write a school paper or to drive across the country. But it doesn’t take much to become dangerous. It ended up killing Sam.

In 1966 he had begun taking a lot of speed, and by 1967 he was becoming increasingly manic and paranoid. This paranoia found expression in his discovery of the Hollow Earth cult, which holds that the inside of the earth is inhabited by some sort of mysterious beings and that (as in the rather similar flying saucer cults) the powers that be are keeping this information secret from the general public. At any mention, say, of the word “underground” Sam would give a sly, knowing nod; in fact, just about anything, whether a line in a poem or a phrase in an advertising jingle, could, with appropriate wordplay, be interpreted as a hint that the author was among those in the know about the Hollow Earth.

One of the most painful experiences of my life was seeing my best friend slowly become more and more insane without any of my attempts to reason with him having the slightest effect. One time he slipped out of the house naked in the middle of the night, and his wife and I ran around the neighborhood for hours before we found him. Another time he was found hitching down the highway so out of it that the Highway Patrol took him to the state mental hospital at Napa. Eventually his wife took him back to Missouri.

Over the next couple years his condition varied considerably. Sometimes his general exuberance and good humor made people think that perhaps his verbal ramblings were not really meant seriously, but were just playful poetic improvisations. At other times he slipped into severe depressions and was hospitalized. When I last saw him, he was calm but pretty wasted looking (probably on tranquilizers); he didn’t seem like the Sam I had known since earliest childhood. A couple weeks later I got a call informing me that he had hung himself. He had just turned 27.

Rexroth often remarked that an astonishingly high proportion of twentieth-century American poets have committed suicide. The presumption is that their creative efforts led them to become unbearably sensitive to the ugliness of the society, as well as laying them open to extremes of frustration and disillusionment in their personal life. The fact remains that the Rimbaudian notion of seeking visions through the “systematic derangement of all the senses” has often inspired behavior that is simply foolish and self-destructive. Whatever social or personal factors may have contributed to Sam’s insanity, the immediate cause was certainly all the speed he was taking.

Psychedelics may also have been a factor, but I doubt if they were a significant one. Despite a few widely publicized and usually exaggerated instances of people going insane during trips, millions of people took psychedelics during the sixties without suffering the slightest harm. To put things into perspective, the total number of deaths attributable to psychedelics during the entire decade was far smaller than those due to alcohol or tobacco on any single day. In some cases psychedelics may have brought latent mental problems into the open, but even this was probably more often for the better than for the worse. I suspect that far more people were saved from going insane by psychedelics, insofar as the experience loosened them up, opened them up to wider perspectives, made them aware of other possibilities besides blind acceptance of the insane values of the conventional world.

I certainly feel that psychedelics were beneficial for me. I had one truly hellish trip (on DMT), but just about all the others were wonderful, among the most cherished experiences of my life. If I stopped taking them in 1967, it was because I came to realize that they are erratic and that the salutary effects don’t last. They just give you a glimpse, a hint of what’s there. This is why so many of us eventually went on to Oriental meditational practices, in order to explore such experiences more systematically and try to learn how to integrate them more enduringly into our everyday life.”

- Ken Knabb, “Confessions of a Mild-Mannered Enemy of the State”

#ken knabb #long post

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buildabruxa · 2 years

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day 2

Hello, void.

Tumblr is so much different than it was in like, 2011. Like I still have my main tumblr around here somewhere, and I know a lot of my friends are still on this site, but I want to be able to chronicle everything without writing for an audience. Screaming into the void has always been the great thing about tumblr, but making this blog I see how much things have changed. Fuck you, Yahoo.

(Wait, Yahoo still owns tumblr, right?)

Anyway. It's 9:53 am and this is what my morning has looked like so far. I took my Adderall at 5:20 this morning again when Kraken got up, then slept a little more and got myself up at 7 (again, still, SO EASY?!). Sleeping last night was a little difficult - I'm from a desert city, so it's in my blood not to consume too much water. Like a cactus. Plus, I found out I may have esophageal dysphagia (you mean it isn't normal to need liquids for food, and most people don't choke on thick foods?!) and I've always hated swallowing (shhh). I hold liquids in my mouth for a stupid long time. But yesterday I was SO THIRSTY. I always wondered how and why Kraken drank so much water. NOW I KNOW. Plus, I stopped taking the oxybutinin because it was causing bloating and making my eyes dry, which is hell with aging eyes and contacts. So I had to get up to pee last night three. Separate. Times. I did not rest well. And my night twitches got way worse, like my body was powering down from the Adderall. So I let myself sleep until 7, got up, and then

-tried to wake up Naruto, asked if he wanted eggs

-made us tea and him eggs

-went down to switch laundry, realize I didn't run the dryer, run dryer

-tried to wake up Naruto about 6 times between 7:20 and 7:50 (did he eat his eggs? fuck no. After complaining to the psychiatrist that I don't feed him. Sir, you are 15, and you haven't eaten the breakfast I've made you before summer school AT LEAST four times. I do not work, thanks to you attacking Kraken and me needing to take off time to get your mental health sorted, therefore making me lose my job. I can't keep wasting food like this. Ass.)

-Inflated Naruto's tire for school, which didn't need inflating, but he insists it does. He just is huge and I have to check the weight limit on his bike to see if he needs a bigger one. (220 lbs and 5'9" at 15, holy shit. I'm 5'3 and his father is like 5'6". I have no idea where this came from.)

-ran more laundry

-took out Courage, dusted the leather couch in the garage

-watered plants, refilled makeshift birdbaths

-contacted lawyer re: OVI

-reached out to friends to reform our stitch-n-bitch group

-reached out to Viking to tell him I love him, even though we don't talk much anymore

-reached out to friends to plan a dinner for friend who is moving

-did wordle, framed, heardle, Animal Restaurant, and nyt mini

-did more dishes (a fucking Sisyphean effort, but I find I don't mind dishes as much now?)

-folded a bunch of laundry

I have a whole list of shit I need to do but this blog isn't for tracking that, just for seeing what the changes in my life are like. One thing I'm noticing is that I can pick up something and put it back down without my brain going "no no, need to do this this and this and then finish and THEN do that thing" and then hating itself for not knowing where to start/finish.

Also, food tastes bomb af but I don't wanna eat anything past a few bites. I eat for fun, so this is ... disappointing. I also had to quit weed because they're gonna drug test me to make sure I'm not on anything illicit and that I'm taking my meds and not selling them. PLUS I have to figure out drinking again since now I'm on Prozac AND Adderall and it's risky to drink. So I have an asshole 15yo who smokes and vapes and won't fucking quit, and I can't have SHIT for vices to deal.

Other than that? I feel pretty good. Now that my brain isn't bogged down with all the stress of shit executive dysfunction, I can think about things more clearly and enjoy more things.

#adhd parenting #adhd #adderall #prozac #med tracking

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sublimecatgalaxy · 2 years

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la vie en rose- Part 1 (of many)

-Pairing: Fezco (Euphoria) x reader (eventually); Elliot (Euphoria) x reader

-Summary: Reader moved from rural New York to the suburbs of LA after a family tragedy. This chapter is more of an opening, explaining friendships and backstories a bit.

-Warnings: Probably a few if I'm being honest. Swearing, mentions of suicide, addiction, underage drinking, provocative dancing, Nate Jacobs lol.

-Word Count: 5.6k

A/n: Hi guys! This is my first ever published fic. I write a lot and I have for about eight years now. I've been a little nervous to share my stuff but please give gentle feedback! I also feel like I should mention that Fez is a bit older in this than I think he is in the show. Semi-original Euphoria timeline. Also I should give the warning that Nate and the reader are semi-friends in this. You'll see.

When I had originally moved to the California suburb, I was inexperienced in every way. I never cussed, drank or consumed any type of drug. I was the goodie-two-shoes of the town and I held that title with a sense of pride. I was the town babysitter, the kid parents trusted with theirs. I was well behaved, loved and well known from a young age.

Sounds like the stereotypical goodie-two-shoes, right?

People only seemed to have good things to say about me. My parents were proud and my younger sister was happy to have someone to talk to who didn’t take part in reckless activities. She had a role model and I was proud to be that for her. She was mine in a sense too. Still is.

Now when I say that I moved to the city, it was more than a move. It was a whole uprooting and change of personality. A necessary one. Especially coming from Upstate New York, a fairly conservative place, where there was not a lot of room to dick around without hearing about it.

It was very different compared to the city.

I’m not saying things were terrible. We had low crime rates and the school taxes were so high that everywhere I learned was top notch, state of the art. I was fortunate and privileged. I really didn’t have any reason to complain.

Then my mom died.

I know that seems like a stereotypical character arc. The mom died and now she’s gonna become a rebel.

I was fifteen and my younger sister, Sienna, was only ten. My dad was a wreck immediately, his slurred words running through my head in the empty emergency waiting room. She’s gone, Y/N. I didn’t know what to do other than to immediately comfort Sienna. She was falling apart at the seams, begging to see our mom, asking for just one last look at her.

It was sudden to say the least. But suicide isn’t meant to be sudden. There should’ve been signs. How did we not see it? How didn’t my dad see it?

Apparently their marriage wasn’t all that my sister and I thought it was. Apparently it was full of cheating and yelling. Things that we never saw, and to this day, I’m glad that we were none the wiser. Especially Sienna. She’s already a loose cannon because of my mom's death. She didn’t need years and years of hearing her parents in physical altercations added onto her trauma.

I, on the other hand, didn’t move on all that quick. Not like my dad did. He took up a new hobby of drinking himself to sleep and ordering Sienna and I around. Then he decided abruptly that we were going to move across the country to California. It came as a shock to the both of us, but I kind of agreed with his idea that a fresh start could be good. Especially with it being the summer, in between school years. It was the only time we could do it until next year without it being a huge inconvenience. And with the ever present room where my mom, ya know, we were rushing to get out and escape.

So within a few months, we arrived in our cozy three bedroom house. It wasn’t too far from LA and it was close to the beach which was good for Sienna and I. It was somewhere within walking distance that we could run away to if my dad went on a complete bender and started pitying himself all over again. That was a frequent occasion.

Sienna was excited about her new middle school. She excelled in anything involving school. Top of her class three years in a row, always learning a few years ahead of her class and she was also an award winning athlete when it came to swimming.

Her favorite stroke was breaststroke.

She always claimed it was easier than the rest of them, that she got to breathe more, but just watching her bob up and down, it made me feel like I was drowning with her.

Don’t get me wrong, I had a similar knack for swimming as a sport, along with diving. I was a championship winning diver in elementary school and early middle school. I loved it. But then school got tough in my freshman year. Thanks mom. I had to drop it to focus on school.

I remember being excited about getting back into diving. But regardless of me, it would be exciting for Sienna’s potential to be recognized somewhere new and it would give me an excuse to get out in the world and go support her. Something my father never did.

But I was right, within the first few months of her seventh grade year, she was right in the front line up for varsity. Smiling with her goofy goggles covering her face as she waved to me from the platform. She was always the most excited when she had that fire for competition in her belly. I loved watching her too.

She pushed me to go and find the diving captain for the high school soon after her first race. Her passion and drive for the sport drove me back into mine and to this day, I’m still thankful. After talking to the couch, explaining my situation and my retired ‘career’ as a diver, along with the many awards that I’ve won, she accepted me instantly. The coach took me under her wing my sophomore year, excited to make me one of her best and brightest. And she did.

About a year or so passed, friends being made and awards being won weekly. I was finally in the prime of my life and I had gotten into a groove. Finally happy. I had the ability to come and go from my house when my dad was being an idiot and I had friends to go stay with, to party with. I was finally different than I was as a kid. I didn’t need to be perfect or a goodie-two-shoes like I was for all those years. And now Sienna had a fun, responsible role model to look at instead of an uptight princess with a stick up her ass.

My friends, to this day, still don’t know why I originally moved from my hometown to California. They think that it was because of my dad's job. I don’t feel bad keeping that lie up, figuring that it’s probably for the best. If they knew, they’d ask questions. And I would have to answer. Then they’d know the truth about my dad and the horrors that I’ve seen in my life. So we keep it the way that it is.

Even without them knowing my past, every day they get me out of my comfort zone. Whether it be a party, a carnival, or skipping class. I was never able to do this because of my mother so I am finally able to have the normal teenage experience that everyone around me was lucky to have. I know that my friends have their shit, their skeletons in their closets, but I still count them as lucky.

Making my way into Daniel’s New Years party, a smile on my tinted red lips, I look for anyone that I recognize. My eyes scan the busy crowd of the kitchen, picking out the familiar tall jock out of the center of them. When he sees me, he sends me a subtle wink before shifting his way through the booming crowd. Standing on my tippy toes, reaching out to grab his hand with a loud laugh, he pulls me into the crowd as I take a deep breath.

“I didn’t think you’d make it!” He cheers with a smile and I shrug with a sly grin on my face. “Well I’m glad you’re here. We got food and shit and, uh, your groupies are over there.” He points in the direction of the living room, my face flushing as I silently thank him. Taking my hand in his, he shoves me in front of him. “Coming through with a princess!” He yells out, the crowd parting in front of me as I giggle, covering my face as he shoves me towards my friends. Kat sees me first, rushing to her feet as she takes me from Nate, the quarterback leaving without another word. I’ll talk to him later.

“Hi!” Kat grins and pulls me into a bone crushing hug as I laugh, rocking us back and forth. “You look so pretty!” She takes a step back to look down at my shimmery pantsuit, my arms raising at my side to do a little spin. Hoots and hollers come from the group in front of me, sparking confidence in me. Rue approaches me from the side, wrapping an arm around me to pull me into a hug.

Out of all the people in the group, Rue was the one that I opened up to the most in the beginning. She knows that I’ve struggled a lot with family and my mental health in the past. She and I bonded over the struggle and effects that drugs have on our lives. She’s a kind girl, dumb sometimes, but sweet nonetheless. Her and Jules were probably my best friends.

Jules is another that I’ve connected with, her kind of romantic relationship with Rue only making the three of us closer. I know more about her than she does me, but she still is supportive and genuine. She’s probably the most normal out of the group if I’m being honest. I’ve always envied her confidence.

Make a mental note to ask where Jules is.

Looking around the group, my eyes immediately land on a familiar stoner, his eyes on me as he takes a hit of his blunt. He sits up straighter, his eyes lighting up as if he’s excited to see me. He reaches over, passing me his blunt. Ah, the drug dealer with the golden heart.

“Happy New Year, kid.” He smiles, his blue eyes gazing up at me as my stomach twists in knots. I roll my eyes cooly, throwing myself down on the couch next to him. There’s a lot of interesting history between the two of us.

When I originally moved in here, I didn’t meet Fez for a few months. Not until I met Rue on the first day of school. She later told me about her brother-like figure. How he’d kill for her and anyone that she loved. I was kind of scared at first to meet him. The whole ‘drug dealer’ title definitely made me a bit nervous because I had very few experiences with people who did drugs, let alone make their whole living on them. Rue came over one day, asked me to go to the gas station around the corner from me, my fifteen year old mind wracked with nerves. Never did Rue ever mention that he was nineteen at the time. I should’ve guessed from never seeing him around school that he was older but I never made the connection.

When we arrived at the gas station that day, Rue immediately slung an arm around the tall, well dressed man. I was nervous. I remember my hands shook as I looked around the store, realizing that he was probably running his drug business on the down low. That the store wouldn’t scream ‘I sell drugs’ in fluorescent lights.

When he finally looked over at me, I remember my heart almost stopping. Eyes blue, freckles on his pale skin, Irish, maybe Scottish, his hair tinted a bit red. My hormone ridden mind was definitely taken back by him walking over to me, introducing himself in a polite manner. I could barely get my name out, Rue had to tell him. I remember him laughing at my bashfulness, my nerves now even worse as him and Rue took up a conversation.

Weeks after our introduction, before we left a party one night, he took my phone from me. He slyly put his number in there, telling me that if I ever got into trouble to call or text him. Rue told me he did that for the people he looked out for. I definitely read way too far into it. I just knew that because I mattered to Rue, I mattered to him.

Sitting around the fire, I pull my hoodie tighter around my face, the cotton warming my cold cheeks. My warm breath reflects in the cool air around me and I take a second to sneak a glance at the man next to me. Rue is passed out next to him, her extremities limp as she breathes slowly. Giggling quietly at her, Fez’s attention goes from our friend, to me. He smiles softly at me, my cheeks heating up at the attention. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to him looking at me.

“So where’d you move from?” Fez asks, leaning against the folding chair beneath him. I’m taken back by his question so I sit up straighter, clearing my throat. He watches me patiently, waiting for an answer.

“Uh, New York. Not the city though.” Laughing nervously, I scratch the back of my neck as he nods.

“For real? That’s cool.” He grins softly, his blue eyes even more glassy in the reflection of the blazing fire in front of us. He gently lifts the blunt that sits between his fingers, offering it to me. Shaking my head with a polite smile, he nods, taking a deep breath. Watching as he blows the smoke out into the air, I lick my lips, looking away from him before he notices me staring. “So how old are you?” He asks tentatively, almost nervous by my potential answer.

“I just turned sixteen.” I reply, embarrassed so I turn my attention back to the fire, my fingers twiddling in front of me. “Sophomore year, yay.” I snort, trying to draw away from the fact that I’m so young but already so obsessed with him. I hear him hum in acknowledgement, relieved that he didn’t say anything.

“You’re different than Rue’s usuals.” He points out abruptly, catching my attention. Smiling at him, he shrugs but gives me further explanation. “She told me, uh, you dive for the school. You care about your grades and shit. You a better influence on her than me.” He laughs sheepishly, following my position, his elbows resting on his knees as he leans forward.

“Yeah, I dive. Pretty damn good.” I point out, shrugging proudly. “My sister swims too, so I guess aquatics run in the family.” I add, Fez listening closely to my words, nodding as he takes another hit of his joint.

“That’s mad cool, yo.” He laughs, his cheeks dimpling in a smile. I nod nervously with a quiet laugh, looking around to see more teenagers fizzled out, all of them working their way home. I huff, pulling out my phone to check the time, 12:39 bright across the screen. My stomach drops in realization, worried that my dad will have my ass for being home late. Turning to Fez as he looks at me with a concerned glance, realizing my change in attitude. “You gotta go?” He asks and I nod, standing up as I reach down to grab my bag. “Hey, wait.” He wraps his fingers around my wrist, catching my attention as he nods towards my phone. “Lemme put my number in. That way if you ever get yourself into trouble, I’m there.” He offers and my face flushes, biting my bottom lip as I try to hide the smile that wants to sneak through. Nodding my head, I hand him my phone, watching as his fingers dial over the keys. When he returns it, I smile politely at him, watching as he sits back down comfortably, sending me a wave as I stumble backwards.

My little crush seemed to brew behind the scenes, my heart pounding every time that he was in the same room as me. But the thought that he was so much older than me, that it wasn’t even legal, bummed me out. Stupid California and their strict age of consent laws.

That didn’t mean I couldn’t think about him.

Constantly, I thought about him.

I think that it took Rue only a few months to gather that I had feelings for her buzzcut friend. She didn’t blame me and she never said anything to me or him about it. It was just an unspoken thing between us. She also knew that I was easily impressionable by the fact that he was against what my father would’ve wanted.

Daddy issues. Woohoo.

But for almost a year and a half, though my feelings were noticeable, he still treated me like a kid. And I was one, I couldn’t blame him. Even my kid sister knew of my feelings for Fez, asking me all the damn time why I was so moody. I saw him at every party, every function Rue was at, the gas station when I needed a drink. He was everywhere.

I understood that he treated me differently than my other friends. But the fact that he was either so protective of me or so cold to me made my head spin. It just made me angry that after all that I had been through, how mature I was, he couldn’t see it. Maybe he didn’t want to, even now, I’m only seventeen and he’s twenty. Nonetheless, I went above and beyond. Like tonight with my low cut pantsuit, my hair thrown all over my shoulders and my make up simple and innocent.

“I’m so excited to get fucked up tonight!” BB cheers, the vape leaving her lips as she throws her head back against the couch. We all laugh at her, knowing she’s typically a bit out there and looney at parties of this capacity. Looking around the crowd, I see Maddy dancing with a mystery man, the question what happened with Nate and Maddy on the tip of my tongue. I decide not to ask, knowing the truth is way more complicated than I think it is. Looking at Lexi, my eyes looking down at her phone as I notice the many messages on her end to Cassie who apparently can’t be found.

Weird start already.

“Hey, has anyone seen Elliot?” I ask, suddenly remembering my friend. Looking at my friends as their faces scrunch up in confusion, their eyes flickering around the crowd. Fez clears his throat next to me, tugging on the collar of his thick knitted sweater.

“Who the fuck is Elliot?” He asks simply, his eyebrows pulled together as I blush gently. He almost looks annoyed at my lack of clarification, him never hearing the name before.

“It’s Y/n’s special fuck buddy.” Kat wiggles her eyebrows at Fez who’s eyebrows raise to his hairline, looking to me for confirmation. I stutter a bit, looking to Kat with a judging look. “What?! You know you want to!” She giggles, taking a sip of her drink before rolling her eyes. “Fine, it’s Y/n’s friend, Fez.” She repeats smugly, looking at me with a shrug.

“Gotta meet Elliot then, huh kid?” Fez asks, the nickname making me sick at the moment. Kid. Almost as if it was a derogatory term, a reminder of our difference in age. A very not necessary reminder. Giving him a tight lipped smile, I nod, looking back to the crowd as I bite my bottom lip nervously. When I see the familiar boy making his way through the crowd, his dyed hair sticking out, I grin.

“There he is.” I whisper, standing up as Elliot and I make eye contact, a smile spreading across his face. Rushing up to him, I launch myself into his arms as he spins me around, giggles leaving both of our lips. “Happy New Years, motherfucker!” I squeal, throwing my head back as he holds onto me tightly. Placing me back on the ground, his hands go to my hips as he looks over my outfit.

“Damn, Y/n!” He whistles, a smirk appearing on my face as I blush vividly. Hey, just because I’ve been obsessed with Fez for the longest time doesn’t mean I need to be abstinent. Right? He leans forward, gently pressing his lips to my cheek as I gently place my hands on his chest. “We gonna drink, dance, smoke?” He offers, looking at me expectantly as I toss a look back to my friends. Fez grits his jaw, his eyes leaving Elliot and I when I look back at him.

“I think we should go sit with my friends and smoke a shit ton.” I grin, grabbing his hand in mine, pulling him towards the couch beside Fez. He chuckles as I shove him down into the cushions, my frame lowering onto his lap. He pulls out a blunt from his pocket, the lighter coming out from mine as we light it. Immediately placing it between my lips, Elliot grins up at me as I take a hit, his eyes on my lips.

“Hey man,” a voice next to me snaps me out of my thoughts, Fez looking at Elliot and I, “I’m Fez. Y/N’s friend.” I can see right through Fez’s fake smile, the protectiveness radiating off of him. Elliot gives him a sweet, polite smile, nodding his head in acknowledgement.

“Hey, yeah, I’ve heard a lot about you. I’m Elliot.” Elliot reaches over, shaking Fez’s hand as I lean back, trying to relax. Feeling a hand on my thigh, my eyes flutter up to see Elliot grinning down at me. “I’ve heard a lot about you, my ass.” He whispers to me, knowing full well that Fez was all I talked about since the beginning of our friendship. I know that he’s not going to go easy on me tonight, not while knowing that Fez can hear every word he and I say. “Are you gonna be my New Year's kiss?” Elliot asks sweetly, making me sit up so our noses are touching. I nod, a huge grin on my face as butterflies fill my stomach. Looking across the room to Kat and Rue, they wink at me, then to each other as Elliot and I chuckle. Fez takes another drag of his joint, his eyes fluttering shut. “You’re thirsting.” Elliot whispers in my ear as I snap out of my gaze, snorting at his observation.

“And you’re always thirsting, come on.” Hopping off of his lap, I hold my hands out to him as I nod towards the dance floor. “Get your ass up and come dance with me.” I order with a laugh, watching as he quickly falls out of the couch, placing his hands in mine.

I pull him out onto the dance floor, throwing a wink over my shoulder to Fez who rolls his eyes playfully at me. Elliot’s hands find my waist politely, my hands coming down to lower them, his eyes widening. “I’m not a prude.” I giggle, wrapping my arms around his neck as we bop to the music, my hair falling in my face.

“I know that!” He chuckles nervously, his tan cheeks heating up at my words and actions. Flipping around, I dance up against him, my hands reaching around to wind in his hair. “This is genuinely the most wild I’ve ever seen you.” He chuckles, his hands squeezing my hips as I grind against him. His lips gently press against my bare shoulder and I can feel the smile on his lips.

“Don’t get too excited.” I warn, my neck craning back to look at him as he smiles down at me, his dimples popping out as he blushes. Taking a step back from me, he grabs my hands, spinning me around in circles. I laugh, my hair fanning out around me as he pulls me in, dipping me smoothly. Cheers erupt from those around us at the romantic move, my head tipping backwards as my chest rumbles in laughter. He pulls me up into his arms as I look up at him, feeling him pull me back towards the couch. “We’re done already?” I ask breathlessly with a pout, sitting down on the couch next to Fez as Elliot swings our hands.

“For now. I’m gonna go do a ton of drugs, so you stay here and I’ll be back. Without a boner.” He adjusts his pants, sending me a wink as I shake my head, watching him slip away into the crowd. My head moves to rest on Rue’s shoulder, a warm glow on my cheeks as my eyes close.

“He’s perfect for you.” Rue chuckles, reaching over to slap my thigh playfully. Fez scoffs next to us, taking a hit as he shakes his head.

“That’s like you sayin’ you’re good for her.” He laughs, making a reference to Elliot and Rue’s common issue with drugs. “Y/n needs, like, a future lawyer or some shit.” Fez points out, leaning over to hand me his blunt. I take it with a smile, placing it between my lips as I breathe in deeply.

“He’s fun and he makes me laugh. We talk a lot so he’s been a big help. And he has good weed. Better weed than you, Fezzy boy.” I wink, Fez’s lip jutting out in a slight pout as he steals his joint back. Rolling his eyes, he looks away from me but a small smile toys under his rough exterior. “He’s just someone to fuck around with. With my history with love, I need someone to just fuck around with.” I snort, reaching over to take Kat’s drink from her hands, taking a sip of it as she gawks at me.

“You and your drug dealer friends and drug addict love interests.” Rue chuckles, wrapping an arm around my shoulder as I turn to Fez who smiles at me, his cheeks heated in a blush. Catching Elliot’s frame out of the corner of my eyes, he comes out from around the other room, sniffing loudly. Subtle. He makes his way to stand in front of me, Rue laughing up at him. “We were literally just talking about how attractive you are.” She points out, reaching over to pinch my cheeks as he snorts, looking at me with wide eyes.

“Yeah? What next? My measurements?” He winks, reaching down to rest his hands on my thighs as his nose bumps against mine. The proximity makes my head spin as I catch a glimpse of Fez awkwardly huffing out of the corner of my eyes. “You wanna go fuck in the laundry room?” He asks genuinely with blown pupils, my head shaking at his question. He pouts, his puppy dog eyes shining as I shove him playfully.

“You’re high on god knows what. Can’t trust you to please me, Elliot.” I shrug, the teasing smile on my face making him laugh. He kneels down, his hands coming to intertwine his fingers with mine. “Will you go get me a drink of anything strong? Maybe then I’ll think about it.” I offer, his eyes widening even further he stands up, leaning down to press a kiss to the top of my head before running away. Giggling as he makes his way up to the bar, Fez bumps his shoulder with mine as my laughter calms down.

“Be careful, ‘lright?” He mutters, his face full of concern as I frown. “Don’t get into anything I would.” He smirks, referring to the copious amounts of drugs that Elliot takes part in which Fez happens to sell. “Seems like a nice kid, though.” He shrugs, my cheeks heating up at his approval. My eyes flutter back to the boy at the bar, watching as he clumsily pours alcohol into a red cup.

Lexi returns to the group moments later, her face flushed as she looks around. Still hasn’t found Cassie, I guess. Looking between Fez and Lexi as they share a look, my heart drops. I try my best to brush it off as nothing but jealousy consumes me at the small interaction.

“Lexi Howard!” Fez calls out cooly, moving towards me so she can sit on the opposite side of him. They immediately begin conversing, my presence suddenly seeming a bit out of place. Standing up, I send a sorry frown to Rue but once she sees Fez and Lexi, she immediately nods to me. She may be high all the time but at least she can read a room.

Sometimes.

It's frustrating that I’m so upset at Fez and Lexi talking. They’re both my friends. Lexi has always been a good friend to me, but she was never the one to party or skip school. So the fact that she came tonight is odd. She’s more of who I’d be friends with before everything with my family went down. Saying that, it’s good to have a friend in the locker room nonetheless during the diving season.

“Sup bitch!” I feel arms wrap around my neck abruptly, my head turning to see Jules grinning down at me. I squeal loudly, my arms wrapping around her waist as she chuckles, pressing kisses against my cheeks. “You look so good, oh my god!” She jumps up and down, giggles leaving my throat as I pull back to look at her.

“You look so good! Look at your hair, oh my god!” I run my fingers through her short locks as she grins bashfully, her eyes looking over to the couch. Her and Rue share a questionable look, her eyes finding mine with an eye roll. “I’m gonna assume that’s complicated.” I snort as she nods with wide eyes. I’ll ask another time.

“What about you? I saw you with Elliot. I know he’s not the older mystery man you’ve crushed on forever so I’ll keep my questions down to a minimum. How’s things with ‘hot older guy’ anyways?” She asks with an excited grin, my face falling as I sneak a glance at Fez, his full attention on Lexi as she speaks. Looking back to Jules with a sad shrug, she frowns. “I’m gonna assume that’s complicated.” She repeats and I reach up, wrapping my arms around her, just happy she’s home. Feeling a hand on my back, I turn to see Elliot, our drinks in his hands. “I’ll catch you later for a kiss.” Jules sends a small wave to Elliot as she backs away, approaching the couch where Rue sits. Turning my attention back to Elliot, I grin, taking my cup from him.

A few hours later, the New Year approaches in minutes. I grin tiredly as I fall back onto the couch. My legs are thrown over Elliot’s and my head rests in Jules’ lap, her fingers running through my hair. This is what young me would’ve wanted for the future. Surrounded by friends, a complicated love situation, and letting loose.

My head turns to ask Fez if he has any New Year's resolutions but before I can, he stands up, his face stoic and his jaw tight. Well that’s never good. He makes his way past us, all of our eyes following him as he leaves the room. Frowning, I look up at the ceiling as I begin to ponder why he’s so off tonight.

The sound of the countdown catches my attention moments later, the smile returning to my lips. Turning my attention back to my the boy above me, I smile up at Elliot, his lips mouthing the numbers as the kids around us countdown from ten. I gently sit up, a blush on my skin as Elliot cups my cheeks, the people around us prepared to celebrate.

Leaning forward as the numbers hit one, Elliot’s lips gently press against mine as hoots and hollers are heard around us. I grin into the kiss, playfully biting his bottom lip as he leans back with a chuckle. Going back in for another kiss, the sound of glass breaking startles me, my body jumping in Elliot’s grasp as the room falls quickly silent.

“What the fuck was that?”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/n: So, wow. Like I said, it's an opener. I'm like panicking right now, sitting here, waiting to press 'post now'.

I feel like it's important for me to add that I originally wrote this fanfic using my own damn name so if you get a 'liz' thrown in there, hi, that's me. I've been panicking about whether I missed one and forgot to switch it with a Y/n.

I'm so proud of the header of this post, lemme tell you. Looks so professional.

Okay, be nice please lol, I'm fragile.

#euphoria #fez x reader #fezco x reader #fezco fanfic #fezco x y/n #elliot x reader

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xwing-baby · 3 years

Text

Impulse: Informant (Javier Peña x Reader)

Summary: Top of your class, the DEA have sent you to Colombia to be the poster child for their new ‘placement program’. You’re thrown in at the deep end into the drug war. With Agent Peña as your mentor, what could possibly go wrong?

Warnings: Nothing much! Flirting, mentions of voyeurism(?), drinking, hangovers.

Word Count: 2.6k

A/N: Bit more background this week, not that exciting but some fun moments with Javi and Steve. Alternative title: Meeting your killer and flirting with the boss ENJOY

<-- Previous Chapter // MasterList // Next Chapter -->

---

Two months passed quickly and you were settled in well. You were comfortable in your job; you, Javi and Steve made a great team and you were learning a lot from the both of them. You tried to avoid interacting with Carrillo directly where possible, he was still as icy about you as your first meeting. You met Steve’s wife, Connie, and became fast friends with her. She had become one of your closest friends, and a welcome break from the machismo that radiated from your two teammates.

You had even managed to make a few friends outside of work. You met María Parreño at the cafe you visited nearly everyday for lunch. What started out as a little wave, now was lunch together nearly everyday, and the occasional shopping trip at the weekend. María was a sweet girl, funny and very sly when she wanted to be.

You were careful, giving a fake name and lying about your job. You could never be too careful in Colombia. Plus, with how rich her family were you wouldn’t be surprised if you crossed paths with one of them during your investigation into Escobar’s dealings. So, Maria knew you as Isabela Serrano, you worked in the American embassy on the phones. You had lived in the USA for ten years, hence the accent, and moved back to Medellin after your abuela died. María didn’t take much convincing.

You enjoyed her company. It was a lot nicer to have a conversation about books you’d both been reading over nice food, than trying to eat over photos of blood crime scenes. Plus, the coffee here didn’t taste like soap.

“Isabela, can I tell you something,” María turned to you, set her cutlery down and looked over at you seriously.. Puzzled, you put down your drink and smiled.

“Of course, you can tell me anything,”

“Diego got a new job,”

Diego was María’s boyfriend. Her father’s mechanic. A total cliché, her father had forbidden them to date but she did it anyway just to piss him off. You didn’t know much about Diego, you’d only met him once or twice in passing when he came to pick his girlfriend up from a shopping trip.

“You’re saying that like it's something scandalous,” You laughed nervously, “What? Has he become a stripper?”

“He’s working for Escobar,” She whispered.

“What?” You nearly choked your coffee in shock. You set it down on the table carefully and leant in a little to listen to her, not believing what she said. It was not an impossible thing, lots of people worked for him in lots of different capacities. You hadn’t expected it so close to home.

“I know! That’s what I said!” She said, “He came home the other night saying he got this new job doing something for Pablo! I said Pablo who, I know lots of Pablo’s. The man just looked at me like I was an idiot! Pablo fucking Escobar!”

“What does he do?” You asked, you had to know how dangerous this could be for you. Or how helpful this could be, you thought. Being close to someone close to Escobar could be invaluable.

“Escobar?” Maria asked.

“No! What does Diego do for him?”

“I don’t know,” She shrugged, “He said something to do with cars,” You relaxed a little at that. Escobar’s mechanic was not a very useful lead.

You glanced down at your watch and sighed. Your hour was up. Just as you had got to something useful!

“Shoot I’m sorry María I’ve got to head back to work,” You drank down the last of your coffee quickly and stood up. “But you’ll keep me updated with this Escobar business right? It’s just all so exciting!” You put down your share of the bill on the table and threw on your jacket.

“Of course!” María smiled, “One of Diego’s friends is having a party! You should come!”

“I’ll be there,” You nodded, “Same time Saturday?”

“See you then!”

Before you left the café you bought two coffees to go for Murphy and Pena as a way of apology for being late back. You had promised to be out less than an hour as Pena had important things he needed to go over with you and Murphy. By the time you got back, he had already started explaining the new information to Murphy in a conference room.

“Then we have-,” Javi was speaking as you walked in carrying coffee for the two men. You instantly recognised the face in the photograph and interrupted him.

“Diego Castillo,” You said. The two men turned to you, confused. Unfazed you passed them the cups and sat down next to Murphy on the end of the table.

“How’d you know that?” Steve asked.

“I know him. Or rather his girlfriend,”

“What?” Steve nearly choked on his drink at your confession.

“I didn’t think I had to tell y’all everything I do in my spare time,” You laughed.

“Hanging out with Narcos would have good to tell us,”

“He’s not a Narco, he fixes Escobar’s cars! He’s not anyone important. It’s chill,” You waved him off. He was being ridiculous, ”Besides I’m friends with his girlfriend who has no idea what’s going on. I’ve met him maybe twice” You explained, “María’s a sweetheart, we talk about romance novels and go shopping!”

“Castillo doesn’t fix the cars. He runs the whole road operation,” Javier said. Your jaw dropped.

“Well shit,”

“Anything else you wanna share?” Steve asked.

“I don’t know but Monday I might,” You sipped on your coffee before continuing, “I got invited to a party, I was going anyway but-.”

“No, no you can’t go now we know who he is,” He exclaimed.

“This could be invaluable!”

“You’re not allowed to have an informant,”

“It’s not an informant if I am the one with the info!” You argued.

“Javi? Gunna chime in at any point?” Steve turned to his partner, desperate for some help as you had already spiralled far enough on this idea. You turned to Javi with a determined look.

“They don't know my name, they don’t know where I work,” You explained rapidly, “I know what I am doing, just trust me, please?”

“Fine,” Javier broke easily. The idea made sense.

“What the fuck! Javi she-,”

“She’s right. Neither of us is going to ever get that close and she’s new here, people don’t know her and you said you gave them a fake name?” Pena explained, you nodded, “Technically she won’t be breaking any rules if she’s the one feeding us information directly,”

“If anyone finds out-“

“No one will find out, it stays between us, in this room,” Javier said gravely, “I trust you Y/n,”

You smiled and nodded, a sense of pride washing over you. Steve muttered and grumbled under his breath but he didn’t outwardly complain so the decision was made. You were going to feed information you found out through Maria to the DEA, going undercover. Nobody had ever mentioned no undercover work, the idea of sending a rookie into that kind of situation was insane, but you wouldn’t be technically breaking any rules.

The party was a bust. There was nothing of interest apart from the attendee’s themselves. Everybody was civil, there was no talk of business- as explicitly called for by the hosts, and apart from one fight between two guys over a soccer match there really was nothing to report. You spent the evening with Maria and her friends, drinking and dancing. Having a good time.

They were decent enough people if you ignored the way they all got their wealth. A little hard to relate too at times- you didn’t have a private jet or a house with a huge pool but Maria’s friends were surprisingly friendly and once the jokes about being a gringa were out the way they seemed to like you.

There was no information but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t a well worth evening. You had their trust now. That would be invaluable moving forward.

It was payday. Everyone you worked with was going out for the evening to let loose. You were with a large group of people from the office. Some you recognised, some you didn’t but either way you were having a great time chatting to people. The alcohol was cheap, the music was great and the company was perfect. Nobody here complained that their dad wouldn’t let them import Italian handbags anymore or that their pool wasn’t big enough. You felt much more at home here, amongst peers and friends.

After a few hours of chatting to people, you retreated to a table with Javier and Steve. Eventually even Steve left, leaving just you and Javi alone. You were drunk, no other word for it. Your eyes were heavy, a grin plastered on your face and you swayed in your seat to the music listening to Javi talk.

You rested your hand on your head and watched Javier for a moment. He looked very handsome, as he did nearly every day. He wore a blue jean jacket, his shirt was unbuttoned at the top showing off his tan skin. You watched as he smoked a cigarette, watching girls at the bar. A pang of jealousy hit your chest, you wondered if you weren’t sitting here as his rookie if you would catch his attention. Before you could think, you asked the question aloud.

“If I was just a random girl in the bar, would you hit on me?” You asked, sipping your drink.

“I’m not answering that!” Javier laughed, “I know you,”

“I’m hot! Why wouldn’t you?” You exclaimed, “Hot girls not your type?”

“You’re not my type,” Javier corrected you. You gasped dramatically.

“I’m taking offence to that! Your type is anything that breathes,”

“You think so little of me,” He shook his head solemnly.

“Baby I’ve known you for months now. You don’t have a type!”

“Baby?” Javi smirked at you.

“Shut up I’m drunk,” You dismissed him.

“Well what if I ask the same question to you?”

“Would I hit on me? Absolutely!” You exclaimed.

“No! Would you hit on me?”

“Nah,” You shook your head and screwed up your nose.

“Liar!”

“Am not!”

“Come on don’t pretend like you wouldn’t,” He said, “You’d be all over me,” The energy shifted as he looked at you. Immediate eye contact, his dark eyes looked you over quickly drawing you into him. He leant forward slightly as he readjusted himself on the chair and brushed his bottom lip with his thumb drawing your attention to them. Your breath hitched, lips parted and your eyes flickered to his lips. Was he going to kiss you? Suddenly he broke the eye contact and laughed, settling back in his chair. “See! You would,”

Dazed you shook your head and cleared your throat. Javi smiled smugly.“No, No! That's not fair! You being smoother than fucking peanut butter doesn’t mean I would hit on you if I saw you! You’re old and grumpy looking, I like my men young and energetic,”

“So I heard,” He said as he tipped his drink into his mouth.

“Hey! That’s gross,” You exclaimed when you finally realised what he meant.

“Goes both ways, Baby, if you can hear me I can hear you,”

“So you listen to me fuck?” You countered. Javi choked on his drink.

“N-no I-,” Javi stuttered ands tumbled over his words, blushing slightly

“You do! Dirty bastard!” You exclaimed. “Do you get off to it?” You asked, quieter now leaning in closer to him. Javi didn’t reply, taking a gulp of beer and breaking your eye contact. You laughed again, “Javier Peña speechless! Wow! Pretty sure I can retire now and I’d be happy,”

“I’m getting another drink,” He grumbled, getting up from the table.

“Tequila please, Baby!” You called after him.

—

You woke up with the worst hangover you had ever felt. Before you really opened your eyes you darted to the bathroom to throw up. You groaned into the toilet bowl, annoyed at yourself more than anything that you had gotten so drunk. You didn’t remember coming home, didn’t remember leaving the bar. The last thing you remembered was sitting with Javi drinking tequila like it was water. The memory made you gag again, how did he ever get you to drink tequila?

You padded into your tiny kitchen to get a glass of water, and start your usual fix all hangover cure. Salted chips and Coca Cola. The sugar and salt combination would do wonders and had saved you multiple times after a heavy night before training back home. You found a bag of chips in the cupboard but no cola. In fact, your fridge was practically empty, bar an old jar of salsa that you were pretty sure had been sitting there since before you arrived in Colombia. The idea of having to go out to the shop made you want to cry. You rested your head on the fridge door and groaned as another pulse shot through your skull. Then you had an idea, the Murphy’s would probably have some!

You could tolerate seeing other humans at least for a few minutes. So you pulled a pair of shorts on and a vaguely clean t-shirt, took your keys and went across the hall to your favourite couple. The hallway was bright as sunlight streamed through the open window, you winced and shielded your eyes. You knocked twice on the door, the established knock for friends, and took deep breaths as you tried to not give into the need to throw up again. After a moment, Connie opened the door, a wide grin on her face when she saw your fragile state.

“Good night?” She teased you. You frowned and pouted at her.

“Remind me never to go out with Javi alone ever again, I can’t remember leaving that bar,” You groaned. “Do you have any pain killers? And some cola,”

“Cola?”

“Yeah. Cola and salted chips, the best hangover cure. Got the chips but no cola and the idea of going outside today makes me want to off myself,”

“Come on in I’ll see what I’ve got. The boys are in there,” She let you into the apartment and disappeared into the kitchen. Javi and Steve sat on the couch watching TV in the living room, the noise made you wince.

“Afternoon Rookie,” Steve greeted you smugly. You grimaced and leant on the arm of the couch next to him.

“What's the score?” You asked, watching the soccer match on screen for a few moments.

“3-3,” Steve answered.

“I’ve got Pepsi, that's okay?” Connie called from the kitchen.

“Yeah! Anything’s fine,” You called back.

“Can’t you go buy yourself cola instead of stealing mine?” Steve complained.

“Your wife said I could have it Murphy, suck it up,” You shove his shoulder weakly, “Besides, I’m pretty sure if I step into direct sunlight I’ll burn to ash. I’m taking your cola and retreating to my bed,”

“What did you two even get up to after I left?”

“Ask him, I cannot remember,” you laughed.

Javi looked up briefly, took a drag of his cigarette and shrugged. He looked as rough as you felt. Neither of you had come out particularly well.

“Here you go sweetheart,” Connie returned to the living room with a bottle of Pepsi in her hand and a small box of painkillers.

“You’re a star Connie what would I do without you,” You stood up from the couch and took the items from your friend. “Later boys,”

“See ya Monday Rookie!” Steve called after you.

Next Chapter -->

oop Rookie and Javi flirting?!? Could never. Also coming next week this ish is getting a whole lot angstier again. I can never keep things nice for long haha

Tagging: @beskar-tano @buckysbeloved @beskarbabs @all-hallows-evie @harrys-stan @themidnightsun-12 @wille-zarr @danniburgh @itsaisopodkillmepls @urbankaite2 @whataloadofmalarkey @ahsofka @yeetus-my-feetus @sara-alonso @lesbianlena @xiao-lusi @all-good-things-have-an-ending @eternallyvenus @ajeff855 @mayangel19 @1950schick

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silkybullets · 3 years

Text

“Death Call”

Midland Hotel, 1925, sitting alone at a table the evening before Christmas, Tommy's icy eyes met with a face he never had ever thought of seeing again, not whilst being alive at least. Which lead us back to Birmingham, 1914, after he volunteered in Small Heath rifles, he spent his last couple of months home holding your hand in the hospital, watching your colours fade as dying of an unknown disease.

Warnings: English is my second language.

Words: around 2k

Tommy just ordered a drink, adding to that a whore, a brand new one in honor of Christmas when he initially went to light his cigarette. His eyes drifted to a table further away where a woman was already sitting down. He did recognize her, remembering the sweet touch of an old lover. His stiffened body didn’t receive the orders to continue moving sent by his brain, his mind too occupied playing memories of before the war. Before it all begins, or all ends, depending which side you’re looking.

One the other side of the room, you were searching the pockets of your woolen coat. When you finally found your cigarette case, you got one out, sliding it in between your soft lips. After pushing a strand of hair behind your ear, you hassled lightening up your cig and welcomed the poison in your lungs as if it was the purest thing.

The waiter came closer to you, putting down your rhum, which you drank in one go and ordered another one. It’s been a couple months you didn’t drink and, after this first shot you don’t remember why. When doctors failed to diagnose you and closed your file with a lung disease you were young and never tasted the flavor of the liquid poison. But at the cliff of death, God granted you the wish to live.

Too bad that’s when your memories of endless & lonely drinking nights happened.

Coming from a christian family, it was no question for them you had been chosen by God to do something great in this world. Pushing their luck they sent you to an orphanage run by nuns to pay your debts to God. When their initial idea was to keep you pure for as long as you were to be alive, you chose a different path for yourself, bounged down into alcohol, drugs and whatever came with it.

Saying you were a non-believer would be too much, but the idea of being some kind of “chosen one” was nonsense to you, that just meant death was right under your nose or waiting for you at the corner of the street. What happened next was logical consequence, your depraved self was sent back home after the nuns numerous warnings were ignored. You did not change, and decided not to.

When being saved or witnessing a miracle helps people get their life in order, it had the reverse effect on you and you had yet to get your shit together.

When they recommended you to drastically change your ways for the sake of your family if not for you, you gave in. You had siblings, and knowing how hard your family could be on them at times, you didn’t want to leave them alone. But your good will ended tonight.

You looked at the filled glass in front of you for what seemed like an eternity, weighting the pros and cons of getting drunk tonight and all the other after that one. You being dead or alive it’ll be okay for your family, you assured yourself to avoid feeling guilty for choosing not to fight.

Ten minutes and three empty cups later, you were ordering another one. The waiter was intently looking at you, concerned, while you were ignoring his pout.

“You sure you want rhum, ma’m, Can I bring you something else, gin perhaps?” He was as smooth as one could, but the implicit meaning behind his words irritated you the most.

“Do I look like I’m sad, eh? Tell me ‘cause I don’t look at meself in mirrors these days.” You begin, agitating your fingers that were holding another cigarette.

“Gin’s for sad women, whiskey for big boys crying, rhum for people like me: We are not sad enough for trying to drown our pain in gin, not hopeless alcoholics enough to to get drunk with something as tasteless as whisky. We simply enjoy a slow death with a sweet and spicy flavor. Please bring me the whole bottle this time.”

Without realizing it, you offered the man the warmest smile he had seen tonight and he gave one back even if still quite taken aback by your confusing revelation.

Tommy had seen enough, he got up throwing a bill near his drink and cleared his throat for lack of clearing his head. He walked to the table, the woman he once knew was seated, his voice already reaching her ears before their eyes would meet.

“Is this seat taken?” He motioned to the second chair around the table. Finishing another glass she invited him to sit down with a move of hand. Her cigarette in between her lips, she poured some rhum into her glass and ultimately lifted her eyes to his face.

“Are you sick of the hotel whore, Thomas? Am not one if this is your question.” She blinked as puffing on her cig.

“Merry Christmas to you too, Y/N” He coughed. “See you haven’t changed a bit.”

“Nor did you.”

Lies, it was all lies, if it wasn’t her eyes he hadn’t recognized her. The woman he was in love with was long gone and so was the boy who loved her.

“So OBE it is, now?” She looked up to him.

He stayed in her eyes before daring to speak, and break the eye contact.

“You were always used to call me Tommy, we can stick to that.”

She didn’t respond nor look at him, keeping for herself any emotions his words had unleashed into her, if they did.

“What happened to you?” He spoke in a more vibrant ton. An attempt to ease the heavy atmosphere.

“War happened to us, Tom.”

His eyes snapped open on her.

“What France did to you, remaining alive did to me.” She offered him a fair smile, looking straight at him with the same piercing gleam hiding behind her iris than when they were younger.

“We all came back alive. John, Arthur, Freddie... Although they are now some missing pieces.”

“Yeah, fucking pieces spilled everywhere. It’s looking like the puzzles we used to play when we were younger, huh? Does that ring any bell?” She giggles.

It was hard for him to read her, he didn’t know what he felt either.

He stayed at the hospital three months straight holding her hand as her colors were fading. He remembers vividly how difficult it was for her to breath, speak, even keeping her eyes open was a huge sacrifice. But she’d never compromised to keep them shut as he told her to, his face gave him the strength of an army, as she used to say. And that had him laugh, even though now he doesn’t remember the last time something as close as a laugh came out his throat.

“Don’t get fucking lost in memories, Thomas. Just ask for it.”

She poured some liquor into her glass and slowly slid it to Tommy as if anticipating him telling her he didn’t want it.

He watched her moves with amusement, it was odd to him to find her here, but even more peculiar was the fact it seems like she knew him still. Like those ten years that separated them weren’t there, like there wasn’t a day they didn’t think about the other fondly. Her gaze didn’t leave his, and he knew exactly where her mind was because his own was at the same place. She was getting all the information she could to try to match his now tired face with the one she had been picturing in her head all those years.

“Okay then.” he nodded. “ Where have you been?”

A smile appeared at the corner of his lips, they were playing a game he couldn’t only play with her, she was the one girl before France, everyone got their advantages.

“Fucking dying of being alive after I got strunk by some miracle.” She raised a brow as if to voice the displeasure of missing the boat.

“I thought you were dead.”

“I wish I was, Tommy.”

He let out a long sigh. Once again he failed at keeping a light atmosphere. It was to be said she wasn’t any help.

That’s when he realized no matter how it felt like they were still the same teenagers, back in 1914 before everybody got fucked up, no matter how hard the memories were hitting him this exact same instant with their first kiss, their first touch and the first time they exchanged their desire to live a life together, they were not the same. Nothing was.

She was only a mere shadow of herself, and he? He couldn’t even look at her in the eyes for more than five minutes, too afraid it would dig out things that must be kept where they were nowhere to be found for his own sake.

Every little thing about before France hurt him. Even the happy throwbacks, especially the happy throwbacks. Knowing he would never feel those feelings again, never get silly about the breeze meeting with his skin or the rising of the sun at the top of a hill killed him most. That’s why he didn’t want to ask more about what happened to her. But at the same time, the questions came naturally to him, as if he waited all along to throw them out, taking off his chest a weight he never realized to initially be there.

“Have you done better after I left?”

“I did. For a time. Some years, in fact, even though my parents sent me to a nunnery to thank God for his mercy.”

He snorted at her words.

“Why doesn’t it surprise me? They were always about keeping you saint, even asked me to fucking give up on taking you running in the fields to watch the night sky until sun rised, they never thought it could be the other way around, you leading me.”

She laughed at this thought.

“Don’t you dare say this as if you disliked me being the lead, Tommy Shelby.” She sneered.

“No, I indeed liked it.” He shook his head without hesitation.

“If only they knew what we did, in those nights.” They both spoke, their voice overlapping along with their minds.

“Tommy you got to follow me, or else we’ll be too late.”

“Let me catch a breath, we got all the time to come up the hill some other nights.”

“Don’t be silly, it’s tonight the fireballs are going to be running in the sky!”

“You aware it’s not called “fireball” and that they are not ‘running’ in the sky?”

The girl stuck her tongue out, turning to him, her eyes mechanically squinted at the move. She did not realize he was right behind her and faked all along still behind at the feet of the hill to annoy her. His body strongly collided with her, making her stagger but Tommy’s arms locked her waist firmly, avoiding her body from meeting the ground, and his lips dropped on her mouth in a second, she couldn’t even close her eyes during the kiss.

“Stop it!” Her suave voice worded as one of her hands went hitting his chest, even if her deepest desire was for him not to let go of her lips.

“I’m thinking about that one night we first fucked. Bodies wet both by sweat and dew“ She muttered.

He was sitting but naked on the grass, his fingers intertwined in her hair that was falling at her back as holding her tightly. She was the type of flowers you thought were beautiful but couldn’t help but rip off the ground, dooming them to die in your hands.

Her legs were strongly wrapped around his hips, she was carefully grounding down on him, making sure every of her moves were slow to make the pleasure last. She turned loose the grip of her arms around his neck and leaned backward so he’d hit her from another angle, this one allowing him to reach the bottom.

Her screams filled his ears and soon enough his mouth as she straightened back up, seeking his eyes, wanting to connect even more. The darkness he ignited in her eyes that night never left, always leading him to always want her, even in the most inappropriate places.

“I was thinking about that time at the local church.” He admitted.

“Every-fucking-body heard the screams--” She proudly stated.

“The priest was more than disturb” He added. “But they never found out who that was.”

“Well, we know.” She handed him her cigarette. He gladly took it and smoked as much as he could, clouding his lungs as well as his mind.

She giggled some more, shaking her head both sides, she couldn’t believe they did such a thing, but knowing as mad they were when together, it was all figured out.

“It came back, Tommy.”

“What did?” He gained his serious tone back, eyes locking with hers.

“The disease, they say it’s even more violent this time, but I know it just never left. It has been lurking in the dark to come back when I’ll be happy again. But seeing I figured out its plan, it decided it was time to finish me off.” She sang. Her voice was devoid of any sadness, and he noticed it. “I think it’s a curse, Tommy. Run in our blood. Me grandma’ had that too, it passed a generation, leaving my mother and little sister alone. But I fear for the others.”

Old reflexes leading the way, Tommy’s hand fondled hers in the most natural way. He leaned forward to her as she took off his lips her cigarette, filling her lungs with that poison in hope it would kill the one that resided in her since way too long.

#peaky blinders #Thomas Shelby x Reader #Tommy Shelby x Reader

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thran-duils · 3 years

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I Crave Annihilation (P.3)

Title: I Crave Annihilation (Part Three) Summary: Fem!Reader x Mafia!Dark Tony Stark. Tony works for the reader’s very influential politician father moving guns and drugs. She starts flirting with him and he is returning the vibes. She moves into her own place out of her parent’s house and texts him to come save her from a house party. Smut ensues. Words: 3,069 Warnings (for the fic in entirety): Smut, HUGE age difference, angst, violence, infidelity, possessive behavior

Part Two || Part Four || Masterpost (mobile) || Fanfic masterpost

“He’s here,” your mother whispered in your ear as you rinsed the dishes from the counter.

You had gone immediately into the house instead of into the back yard, Gabriel following you inside. He had held out the food he had brought to her and she thanked him. The two of you got under her skin when you two got together at these things but she loved him deeply. He was one of your best friends still. He had walked off towards the liquor cabinet when your mum approached to whisper to you.

“I know,” you told her, not taking your eyes off the dishes.

“Have you seen him?”

“No. I came straight in here. Jackson went out there though. I’m sure Steve will be all too ready to point out to Tony who he is.”

Your mother looked at you worriedly, “Has Steve been bothering you?”

“No. I just know he’s keeping tabs.”

“’Keeping tabs’…” she muttered, shaking her head. “You cannot let him get back underneath your skin.”

“Mum, he’s always been under my skin. I feel I’ve just been trying to fill a void.” You noticed the way she was looking at you and you shrugged, “It’s why I don’t want to go out there. Because I’ll see him… And…”

She shook her head and said crossly, “I told you… I warned you.”

“Are you really going to blame me for feeling this way? You still ended up with dad.” She faltered and you said, “No, I put that together a long while ago. Dad is twelve years older than you!”

“That’s different.”

You reached forward and turned the water off, to stand up and face her fully. “That’s different? Then why did you bring it up that night when you found us?”

“He’s almost twenty years older than you!”

“And?”

“Don’t you love Jackson?”

“Of course I do!”

“Then why would you even entertain the idea?” she sounded exasperated.

“You and dad are more similar to me and him than you are giving me credit for.”

Your mum snapped, “No, I know that. You just have a chance with Jackson.”

“You seem perfectly fine,” you hissed back at her.

“Money softens the blow, Y/N. It doesn’t solve everything.”

“I’m sorry for you that you’ve been miserable for so long.”

“I’m not miserable.”

“You are sure sounding like it!”

“I just… Jackson is good. Jackson treats you like an equal! Yes, I’m happy with your father but I wish he would also treat me like I was his partner rather than just his wife. Jackson gives you that. Tony wouldn’t!”

You paused before asking, “Is that why you were gone all the time?”

“What?” she asked, giving you a shocked look.

“You were always gone. It was always just me and dad. Or me and the nanny.” She opened her mouth to say something but apparently she could not think of anything and she closed it again. You sighed, “It was always me and dad… you were always gone. On some trip. Just at a spa retreat. I never had you around until suddenly in my teens when you realized I had blossomed.”

“Because I had to protect you.” She sounded so self-righteous.

“And you did for years. From the sidelines. Since I was what, 14?” You straightened up seeing Gabriel was coming back from the other room and said quickly and quietly, “I’m going to steer clear of him as much as I can, mum. If that’s what you’re worried about. I do love Jackson.”

Gabriel said, “Mom, I found your favorite rum! Should we make daiquiris?”

Donning a perfect mask and pulling away from you, your mum said, “That sounds lovely, Gabriel.”

With a wink, Gabriel said, “That’s what I always try to be for you. You’re my favorite.”

“Suck up,” your mother teased, shooting another glance at you before walking away and following him to the blender. “There are strawberries in the fridge, love.”

<><><>

“Well, she’s here,” Steve said, before taking a long drag of his cigarette. “At least somewhere because Jacksons here.” He pointed in the general direction quick. Tony looked Jackson over and simpered. Steve smirked in return and said, “Yeah, that’s the competition.”

“He makes her happy though according to you which is pretty big competition,” Tony replied, bringing his own cigarette up to his lips and taking a long drag.

The two of them shut up as Bucky and Sam came back to the table. Bucky had been in prison with Tony as well as Thor and he had not had to confide to them about the relationship because Steve had been on the outside keeping an eye on Y/N for him. They fell back into conversation sans her for a while.

Then Y/N walked out with another guy. He drank her in slowly. She had aged, obviously. But she was still as gorgeous as ever. His eyes ran up her body, trailing over her short, high waisted shorts. He saw she was looking at him and she quickly looked away, turning her attention to the guy at her side again. Tony cocked his head, recognition coming on.

“Is that…” he said to Steve under his breath. Steve looked at Tony for an explanation and Tony said, “That guy from that bar. That one time.”

“Yep. Gabriel. They’ve been friends since college. You think Jackson is gonna be the problem to get her alone? No, it’s going to be Gabriel.” He stopped for a moment before chuckling and saying louder so Bucky and Sam could hear to not arouse suspicion about their whispering, “And Rebecca is already on them.”

“How do you mean?” Tony asked, watching Rebecca stop on a dime and turn back to stare them whispering between each other.

“They always get into trouble,” Steve explained. “One year, she asked Y/N to help her with the food and she was already too drunk to do it and she paid one of her friend’s to do it because her and Gabriel had already been day drinking. They took Molly another year. Gabriel fell off the table he was dancing on and rolled his ankle. Last year… they took some shrooms and disappeared for hours and Rebecca found them in the far back lying amongst the rocks, still high off their asses watching the stars.” He snorted seeing her point at the two of them threateningly. “Yet, she coddles the shit out of him and loves him to death. Look at them and their matching daiquiris.”

<><><>

He had sunglasses on but the way his head was pointed, you knew he was looking at you. Fuck. He had an undercut now, nice glasses, and his shirt unbuttoned, leaning back in the chair without a care. You made sure you did not linger too long on him before turning your eyes away. But you knew it had already been a couple seconds too long no matter how long it was because as soon as he had you in his sights, and he knew he had you, that was endgame.

Gabriel was there and tugged on your arm. He pulled you towards the covered area with the grills where your dad and Thor were cooking. He looked in his element, fresh out of prison and enjoying doing this again.

“I got some…” Gabriel caught your attention again. He gestured snorting and your eyebrows rose in response and he grinned. “When do you wanna?”

“I don’t know if we should though….” you said trailing off, shooting a quick look and finding Tony still watching you. You should be on your toes tonight… but maybe it would make it that much easier to just brush it off if something did happen…

“What? Come on! This is the perfect time! There’s a lot of people around and it’s not like—”

“What are you two whispering about?” your mum asked, startling the two of you. She saw you two jump too before looking at her and she leveled the two of you with a threatening glare. She was carrying a plate of cut vegetables in one hand, her drink in the other, obviously about to go put them out on one of the tables.

“Nothing, mum,” you and Gabriel said in unison.

“What?” you asked innocently when she was still silent after a couple moments.

“I don’t trust either of you. Not after last year.”

Right. The shrooms. And she had found the two of you lying between two of the rocks in the back part of the garden, giggling, half naked.

“I sincerely apologize for that. Still. Can I send you a third bouquet of orchids?” Gabriel said, giving her a curt bow, smiling sheepishly. He held up his drink at her in surrender.

Your mum’s mouth twitched ever so slightly, holding back a smile. She adored Gabriel but she did mean business. She did not want to babysit again this year. Her finger left her glass and she pointed between the two of you and said, “No funny business this year. Especially you, Y/N. Keep your head on straight.”

You held back a scowl at the comment. Gabriel looked confused for a moment and you said as she walked off, “She’s right. I should just stick to drinks.”

“Bitch, I—”

“I’ll do it with you next weekend, Promise! We should give her a break for one year.”

Gabriel groaned and took a long drink of his daiquiri. “Fine! I’ll go ask Jackson to share his bud. Buzzkill! Both of you!”

<><><>

In your old bedroom that you and Jackson were going to sleep in, you tore your shirt off and your swim suit top, tossing them carelessly on the bed. It was getting cold outside and you were ready to change into your pajamas and a sweatshirt. You heard the door open and close behind you as you reached for your pajama top. Without turning around, you said, “I thought you guys were going to stay in the hot tub for a little bit longer.”

“Your hair is different.”

Whipping around, holding your shirt up against your bare chest, you found Tony standing there, hands in his pockets. He was blocking your way to the door, looking confident as ever. Prison had only given him time to work out, as you could plainly see from his open shirt, and apparently had done nothing for his domineering personality. He was still bold as ever, showing up here in your room knowing you were changing when your husband was outside.

“Tony!” you hissed, mortified. “Get out!”

He smirked at your attempt to shield your nudeness from him. “I haven’t seen it in a very long time, but still, is there really any reason to be modest around me? I mean, I’ve been in every hole—”

“Shut up!” you told him furiously – embarrassed, really –, turning away from him, and throwing your shirt over your head. You heard him move and you turned back around quickly finding him closing the space between the two of you and you stood your ground. “You shouldn’t be in here!”

He cocked his head, his face scrunched in vexation. “So, you’ve only been teasing me all night?”

“’Teasing’? What are you going on about?” you said, trying to play dumb.

“Sweet pea, your sneaky glances and putting yourself in my line of sight did not go unnoticed. You’re not subtle, not to me. We played that game for years if you care to recall. Almost three to be exact. The only thing I regret is not going in for you sooner so we would’ve had more time together in the sack. I had a plethora of memories to dive into while I was incarcerated but shit, I would’ve enjoyed more.” He stepped closer and this time you did take a step back and you did not miss his fleeting amusement. He leaned in closer and said, “I know your games and your little tantalizing behaviors.”

The drunker you had gotten throughout the night, the more you found yourself slipping into your old ways. He was correct about that history between the two of you. That first night you had seen him when you were in the pool and since then, you had always tried to be in his sights and it had paid off for you. Tonight, you had found yourself drawn back, adjusting your swimsuit where you knew he could see and sitting in the chairs where he could keep his eye on you. It had been a conscious decision. You hated yourself for it, how much you craved him and his attention still. You were stuck between the life you currently were leading and being dragged back into your relationship with him. Stealing those glances to see if he was looking had only fueled the fire more because he had been watching you like a hawk. Every time you had looked his way, especially when it had gotten dark and his glasses had come off, you caught him always watching your movement. He had looked hungry, just like he looked now.

What your mother said came back to you then, remembering how Jackson treated you versus how she believed – and you knew deep down – Tony would. You hated you wanted Tony so badly and simultaneously craved the partnership you had with Jackson.

“I’m sorry if you got the wrong idea, but Tony, I’m married now,” you said, mustering more calm in your tone than you actually felt.

Tony looked tickled by that response and you gritted your teeth, knowing he was going to brush you off. And he did. “Yeah, I’m happy he was keeping you well and safe for me. You look amazing. I am beyond impressed.” He raised his hand, his hand ghosting down your side to grip at your waist. You tried to flinch away, but his other hand shot up and held you on your other side, preventing you from moving back. His thumbs caressed as he told you, “But you’re still mine, don’t act like you’ve forgotten.”

“You can’t just order me to divorce my husband!” you told him defensively.

“Who said anything about divorce so soon?” Tony chuckled. It was foreboding the way he said ‘so soon’. It was all too clear where he wanted this to go. “I was just starting out with the courteous approach of inserting myself into the situation. Letting it play out.”

God, you hated his ego but fuck if you were not responding in like. Still, you fought against it and tried to hide it. “’Courteous’. Cute, Tony.” You leaned in and said, “If you want tits and pussy, you can go on the Boulevard. It’s about twenty minutes away.”

You pushed his hands down away from you and started to turn away, to reach for your sweatshirt. But his grasp was tight on your arm, yanking you back roughly. You gasped as your noses brushed, before he let you go back a couple inches. You smelled the bourbon on his breath, something you used to relish in.

“I’m not fucking around, Y/N. You’re coming back to me,” he growled. He pulled away even more and looked at you disappointed. He shook his head slightly and said, “You didn’t even come visit.”

That cut deep, unexpected by you. He actually looked hurt.

“I couldn’t! You know I couldn’t leave the state without—”

His demeanor changed in the blink of an eye, again.

“No, this is where you zip it. Okay? The adult is talking,” Tony snapped, his fingers digging into your arm. He melted you right back down to the naïve girl you had been. “You’ve had your fun. Seven years of it actually while I was rotting away in a cell. I’m glad you got to make house and have good dick. And by glad, I mean I am monumentally fucking pissed off.” The words spit like venom. “I had to sit there day after day thinking about how you just threw it away, so easily. I was so disappointed in you, precious. How you could just leave me there like that, after all I did for you?”

Pitifully, you started, “Tony, you’re scaring—”

“Oh, don’t use that as an excuse! Don’t play victim! It’s not cute, Y/N. Stop wasting both our time. You know you want it as bad as I do. I get you feel guilty about your little husband but he was just a placeholder until I got back.” His eyes flashed and his hand left your arm, wrapping around your waist to hold you close. His eyes ran over your face and he leaned like he was going to kiss you and you blinked, watching him closely. He stopped himself at the last second though, running his tongue along his lips. His hand slipped down to your ass, cupping. “I want you around me so badly. So badly. I’ve dreamt about that cunt for years.” Your heart picked up pace. “I’ve dreamt about having you for so long, precious. Don’t deny me this. Not after everything I went through. Especially without you there for comfort.”

You were quiet, your lips parted in surprise, staring at him. His fingers flexed on your back after a few moments at your silence. His tone was firm when he told you, “You’re getting in that Uber with me. You understand me?”

An Uber? He was going to make you leave here?

“We can’t just leave. My mum—”

“Yeah, your mom is passed out. Or should be soon.”

“What? I--”

“She likes her daiquiris way too much and opioids.” Tony snorted and added with a laugh, “Giving you shit for having sex and she can’t even stay sober.” He got closer again and said, “And your husband is way too high, he’s gonna pass out soon. I’m sure we can make a story up between now and whenever his ass wakes up. I have a lot of time to make up for, so the longer you stand in front of me like a fish gaping at me, the more time you wasted. I’m already ordering the ride as soon as I can take my hands off you.” He squeezed his hand once more on your ass before telling you, “What you craved in us you won’t find in him. If you did, you wouldn’t still be standing here.”

~~~

Forever tags: @coconutqueen21 @undecidedsworld

Fic tags: @buttercandy16 @esistmon @flawra16

#tony stark x reader #dark tony stark #dark!tony stark #mob tony stark #dark marvel fic #dark marvel #my shit

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mxchellesworld · 3 years

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𝟑 𝐨𝐟 𝐚 𝐊𝐢𝐧𝐝 - 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟏𝟎

𝐒𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫 𝐑𝐞𝐢𝐝 𝐱 𝐂𝐚𝐭 𝐀𝐝𝐚𝐦�� 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐒𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬; 𝐏𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐋𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐬𝐞𝐲 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐚 𝐛𝐚𝐝 𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧 𝐡𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐒𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐂𝐚𝐭 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐩𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐮𝐩 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐢𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐬, 𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐯𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫.

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: angst, smut, tw: ignoring a safe word, handcuffs, impact play, use of a toy, mention of drug use, fluffy ending

*again in no way am i trying to glamorize any of these aspects*

𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 | 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫

***

Her hands were roaming your back and reached down to squeeze your behind which made you let out a gasp. Yours were settled on the nape of her neck and rubbing on the skin. She leaned in to leave kisses on the shell of your ear.

“Do you wanna play with me baby?” she asked nipping on your earlobe.

Shivers ran down your spine at her words. You don’t know if it was the desperate ache between your thighs which made you agree or your lowered inhibitions. But all of a sudden you were nodding and following her down the path to the playrooms.

She flipped the switch and closed the door part way. There was a sliver open which you didn’t even bother to notice at first. This room was different than the last one.

You noticed that there was no bed but still a couch and several chairs. However in the center were metal bars hanging down on chains. They were horizontal and you guessed they were used to tie someone so their hands were above them.

“Hands up slut,” she gritted out.

You shuttered at her harsh tone and instantly complied bringing them up. She grabbed a pair of cuffs from the toy chest and locked you in place. Next she reached and brought out what looked like a whip with multiple little tassels.

Before you knew it you felt the impact on your thigh. You let out a high pitched moan at the feeling. The pain along with the substances in your veins were all too intoxicating.

You couldn’t even register how she never explained any rules or safe words. How she wasn’t like Spencer and made sure you were comfortable with the situation. Deep down you knew playing while being in such an inebriated state was not a good idea.

“You like that? Are you a little pain slut?” she mocked you.

You nodded with a smile letting out a giggle. She landed one more slap before setting it down and picking up a vibrator. It was a small bullet. Lindsey walked closer to you and looked into your eyes as she turned it on.

You gasped out as she set it right on your clothed clit. You knew there would be a huge wet patch on your panties. Your head fell back as the pleasure was flowing through you.

She grabbed your cheeks with one hand and pulled your lips to hers. They were slightly chapped but you loved how different they were. There was no strawberry aftertaste like Cat’s. No don’t think about her, you thought.

She swallowed your moans as you felt the knot in your tummy start to tighten.

You whined as she pulled away as a whole. Her hand flying to your hair, “You cum when I tell you to.”

“Yes ma’am,” you said breathlessly.

“Mm such a good little whore,” she said bringing the vibe back to your aching bud.

Her lips sucked on your neck, biting each one. Her actions were sure to leave a faint mark. You were a mess of moans and curses. They bounced off the stripped walls of the playroom.

“Fuck I’m gonna cum. Please let me cum,” you whined into her neck.

“Cum for me like a good little slut,” she said circling the vibe.

White spots clouded your vision as you came. Your body trembled in the restrains as your orgasm washed over you, “Fuck Cat,” you whined out.

You instantly looked up to see anger cloud Lindsey’s vision.

“Wait I’m so sorry. Please let me down,” you said in a hurry.

She threw the vibrator across the room. You flinched at the sound of its impact with the wall. Lindsey picked up the whip, “You can’t be thinking about someone else while I’m the one in charge. You’re gonna pay for that.”

“Wait red. Please it was an accident. Let me down!” you slurred.

“That’s not my safe word,” she gritted then landed a swat on your thigh. You had a thing for pain but this time it was neither pleasurable or sensual. She was hitting you to cause damage.

You yelped at the swat, “Lindsey I’m sorry please let me down.”

She ignored your words and kept on landing swat after swat on your legs and behind. You could feel the tears forming in your eyes at the unbearable pain. They slowly slipped down as you pleaded and begged for her to stop but she continued her torture.

Your mind was swimming from the high. You felt as if your throat was sandpaper from screaming. You called out for help hoping someone would hear you through the crack in the door.

Your body felt like it was on fire. You knew your skin would be marred with welts and bruises from her unrelenting force.

“This will teach you better than to say someone else’s fucking name you stupid whore,” she yelled at you.

“I’m sorry! Please stop!” you tried to get out through sobs.

You heard loud footsteps walking towards you. You prayed to whatever was above that someone was coming to put an end to your suffering. Spencer slammed the door open. His mouth opened at the sight of your tear stained face.

“Spencer please make her stop,” you rasped out desperately.

When he finally looked away from you, his face transformed into a scowl.

“Lindsey what the fuck are you doing? She’s clearly in pain,” he said snatching the whip from her grasp. How did he know her name?

“Give me the fucking keys,” he snapped at her.

Suddenly Cat walked in and gasped at the sight in front of her. The way your frame was shuttering. The mascara and eyeliner which was previously perfect now a mess running down your cheeks.

Then looked over to Spencer who was towering over Lindsey with a look of anger she’s never seen before.

“What the hell is going on here,” she said rushing to your side.

You looked down trying not to let her see you in such a state. But her hand softly reached up to your face. You flinched at her touch.

“Shh Y/n it’s just me. I’m not gonna hurt you,” she whispered.

Spencer and Lindsey were having a screaming match. She finally relented and whipped the keys out of her pocket forcefully shoving them into Spencer’s hand.

He quickly slid the key into the lock of the metal handcuffs. Once they were out your fell to your knees holding your hands to your chest. You didn’t bother hiding the tears coming out. You loudly sobbed into your hands.

Cat’s arms wrapped around you as Spencer went to shut the door.

“Y/n can you look at me please,” Spencer said squatting down to your level.

You sniffled and slowly looked up at him. There was a look of sorrow on his features. He took your wrists in his hands and rubbed them softly. He searched your eyes and noticed your dilated pupils.

“Y/n are you on something?”

You looked down shamefully. Cat and Spencer shared a look of worry.

“We’re not mad. We just need to know how to take care of you,” he said softly.

You let out a laugh through the tears. It was as if your emotions flipped a switch. The pent up emotions from before cracked like an egg.

“Why so you can just leave again,” you gritted out pulling your wrists way from his grasp.

“We’re not gonna leave you,” Cat said.

“Oh that’s rich coming from you,” you slurred squinting your eyes at her.

“That’s all you guys do is make stupid promises and made me fall in love with you, so what you can just leave?”

You couldn’t control the word vomit from flowing out of your mouth. Every venomous thought was slipping past your lips. Every insecurity and intrusive thought you tried to hide away was coming to light.

“I bet you guys do this to other people. You just find some sad submissive to ruin them and break their heart then move on to the next one.”

“Y/n just listen to me,” Cat tried to reason.

“FUCK OFF,” you said trying to get up.

“Y/N I LOVE YOU.” she said reaching for your hand.

“What,” you whispered.

“I love you. I have always loved you. I was just too scared to admit it before,” she said softly.

You looked over at Spencer who was silent during the whole exchange. He gave you a small nod knowing there was something going on beyond his understanding.

“Do you mean that,” you said looking back at Cat.

“With everything in me angel. I promise you I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you,” she said pulling you into her arms.

The warmth of her embrace made you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding in. Another warm torso wrapped around your back. They held you for what seemed like hours even though you knew it was probably like five minutes.

They let you go and held you at arms length.

“Let us take care of you right now, then we can talk more later. Is that alright princess?,” Spencer asked putting a stand of hair behind your ear.

You nodded and hummed in response. They walked you over to the couches and wrapped you in their arms.

“Can you tell us what happened sweetheart,” Cat said softly.

You nodded and started telling them the story starting from getting ready with Abbie, “We drank a lot of vodka and took a pill,” you said shying away from their gaze.

“Hey no worries. We’re not upset. Take your time,” Spencer said.

You continued talking about she came up to you while dancing then brought you here. However you started stuttering when explaining how everything went down. Cat rubbed your shoulders as you got through the end.

“I said your name and she got mad. She k-kept on hitting me. And I was begging her stop and I called red but she said it wasn’t her safe word and kept going harder and harder. Then Spence walked in,” you said all while looking into Cat’s eyes.

“Oh honey,” she said pulling you to her arms.

“I just wanna go home,” you said into her neck.

“Ok I can try to find Abbie to let her know,” Spencer said standing up.

“No no. I don’t wanna ruin her night. Plus I think she left with Luke,” you said sheepishly.

“So thats why Penelope took over,” he said with a laugh.

They took you into their office in the lounge and Cat pulled out a pack of make up wipes softly helping you get rid of the dark streaks across you face. Spencer pulled out a bottle of water and made you take small sips.

The drive to their place was silent. However it wasn’t bad. The lingering touches shared in past car rides returned but this time they were more gentle. They knew you needed the softness to counteract what you had gone through earlier.

Getting into their apartment was like a breath of fresh air. The scent of their candles which you had missed filled you with a sense of relief. They pulled you into their shower where they switched between washing you hair and lathering your body in their sweet smelling soap.

The flow of reassuring words never stopped. Some where in your cloudy brain you could think of the first night you spent with them. The only difference was this time nothing was stopping any of you from saying how you truly felt.

“I love you so so much angel. You are it for us, I’m sorry If I had you feeling otherwise,” Cat said pressing kisses on your warm skin.

“You have such a big heart princess. I admire you so much,” Spencer whispered as he combed the conditioner through your hair.

You could only hum, relishing in the feeling of them surrounding you and the steaming water cascading over your head.

Spencer turned the shower off and wrapped a towel low around his hips before handing one to Cat to wrap you in. Before they could, you noticed the marks littering your body in the reflection. Even though the mirror was foggy they were clear to see.

She wrapped you up in white fluffy material and Spencer led you into their bedroom as she stayed in the bathroom.

He sat you down on the bed and went to his side of the closet, searching for one of his oversized t-shirt for you.

By now the high was wearing off and now you mind was filled with dread and embarrassment over what happened that night. Was this another subdrop or pure shame?

“I don’t feel so good Spencer,” you mumbled out. He quickly slid on a pair of boxers and pulled you into him. You tried to steady yourself listening to his heartbeat through his chest.

“Talk to me Y/n/n,” he whispered.

Cat walked out wrapped in a towel and holding a bottle of aloe vera creme, “What’s wrong?”

“I just feel so bad. I went with someone else and look what she did. It’s so embarrassing, And you guys are gonna leave me now for good,” you heaved out.

“We’re not going anywhere Y/n,” Spencer said pulling away to search your eyes, “We love you so much. It wouldn’t be the same without you.”

“But the rule,” you tried to get out and Spencer cut you off.

“No buts, we mean it.”

“I love you guys too,” you sniffled, “with everything in me.”

He leaned down and brought his lips to yours. The familiar peppermint taste brought flutters to your tummy. Once you separated he slid his shirt over your frame and moved so Cat could rub the creme on your behind and bruised thighs.

When she was done she went to walk away but you pulled her to you and kissed her soft lips. She let out a sigh and you smiled through it, “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me angel. I’d do anything for you.”

You let her go and while he returned the creme to the bathroom, Spencer turned down the bed and pulled the covers open for you to slide in. You rested your head on his chest and counted the tiny freckles which littered his shoulder. His fingers traced shapes on your back, slowly lulling you into sleep.

Before you drifted off Cat’s arms wrapped around you and she played with your hair soothingly. The last thing you heard before slumber overtook your body were her words, “I love you Y/n.”

The smile never left your face as those four words replayed in your dreams.

𝐚/𝐧; 𝐝𝐢𝐝 𝐢 𝐝𝐨 𝐚 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐣𝐨𝐛 𝐢𝐧 𝐮𝐧𝐟𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐲 𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐬?? 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐠𝐮𝐲𝐬 𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲𝐞𝐝!

#spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid smut #spencer reid x reader #cat adams x reader #cat adams smut #Criminal Minds Fanfiction #criminal minds smut #chellewrites

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anothertimdrakestan · 4 years

Text

How DARE You Go And Die On Me??? - Jason Todd x Reader Soulmate AU -

Words: 2.1k

Requested? Yes! From a lovely anon!

“Jason Todd x reader soulmate AU pleasssse where when you touch them with skin for the first time there’s sparkly lights that only you and your soulmate see or something and you feel really warm and your soulmate glows or something? Thank you ❤️”

LINK TO PROMPTS -> REQUESTS ARE STILL OPEN!

I love this request. So much. I hope y’all enjoy this one because I really got to live out my famous science nerd dream. Thank you for the amazing request! I secretly love soulmate AU’s hehehe so please send more! Y’all are so creative with them too :)))

Soulmates were a sore subject for you. At a young age you glowed bright red, and it was the most crushing moment of your life. Soulmate glows only occurred when you touched your soulmate for the first time or when they died. Knowing this meant you would never meet your person was hard, but you hoped maybe you’d be one of the lucky ones who got a new soulmate, seeing as you were so young. But years later nothing had happened even though you stayed hopeful. Unlike so many who go off the rails once they realize there’s no one for them, you dedicated your life to researching soulmates, and it was incredibly fulfilling. As a high school intern working under a group of molecular biochemists, world renowned computer scientists, and psychiatrists you were worked towards creating a drug that made you glow in your soulmate color, it would make finding soulmates much easier and from there you could maybe make a sensor and go international with your research. Who wouldn’t want a drug that finds the person you’re meant to be with?

You’d been tracking soulmates to see if there’s any tell before they find out they are soulmates besides the glowing. It was painful to watch thousands find their life long partner but part of you hoped that by finishing this research you would be able to figure out if your soulmate was really gone, or get filthy rich trying. As just a teenager you planned on working for the company for the rest of your life, staying involved as you pursue your degree then returning, this project was growing up with you.

As far as you knew, soulmates were drawn together. That was the only explanation as to why so many people in your tests were soulmates. There was something almost magnetic about finding your other half, and you were convinced it was chartable. There was a scientific explanation for everything.

Finally the drug was ready, after months of blind trials and high highs and low lows it was time for the first wave of real life test runs. Grouping a couple thousand eager participants together, your team split into groups. Taking each participant into a room you gave them the drug and filled the color they glowed, and if anyone matched you’d bring them together. Of course all the interns on your team wanted to try too.

Stepping up you couldn’t hold in excitement. Since you were only newly a teenager you hoped your soulmate color would be cool. You’d seen some amazing colors and meetings all throughout the day. It couldn’t get more exciting.

Stepping up, you took the drug and waited.

And waited.

But you didn’t glow. “Hey uh Y/N you did say you glowed when you were little right? Sorry to break it to yah kid but yours is gone, we’ve got a couple hundred more tests why don’t yah go home?” a voice came over the intercom, and your heart sunk. Sure some people didn’t glow either, and they all had flashed at some point. Your hope was clearly misplaced. And with a broken soul, quite literally, you went home.

Years later you’d kept with the team. The drug was almost ready to be released officially, and the public was beyond excited. You were 25 now, a huge public face for the soulmate finder, you’d stuck with the program and it had made you practically famous. Doing PR you’d brought the drug on talk shows, finding strangers their soulmate on live TV, you made special appearances to celebrities to find and log their soulmate color. Everyone that took your test had their specific color logged in a huge database, so when you tested if your perfect color matched somewhere your soulmate would get alerted. It was perfection.

Tonight you were going on television to do another round of soulmate finding with a late night host. Nothing new.

“And please welcome, Cupid Herself, Y/N!” The crowd was always full wherever you went, everyone wanted a chance at love as soon as possible. “Now I’m very sorry to disappoint the crowd but we’re bringing out some celebrities who’ve requested a chance at love... I bring you THE WAYNES!” You were a little shocked, you probably should’ve read the brief but no difference, you had enough for about ten people. Standing up you shook Bruce Wayne’s hand, moving onto the chair at the side while Bruce and three of his children walked in. “Hello! Mr. Grayson, Todd, and Ms. Brown right?” the host greeted the three and shook Bruce’s hand, no need for his introduction.

“These three couldn’t pass up on the opportunity. As you know Mr. Drake-Wayne has found his soulmate and now husband so we couldn’t bring him! And my son Damian was erm- busy.” You saw Jason Todd snort, slightly taken aback by his actions on live television. “Can I just say, I am super excited to be here! It’s a huge honor Ms. Y/L/N this is too cool!” Stephanie got up, giving you a quick hug, you smiled, happy that she was so kind.

“Well lets get this show on the road! I’m sure millions want to know if any of the Wayne’s are their soulmate!” the host waggled an eyebrow as the crowd cooed. This was basically a chance at the lottery, a Wayne was a ticket to riches for life. Taking the lead you gave your pitch about the drug, taking consent before grabbing a serving for four. Walking up you handed a glass to each boy, finishing with Bruce, but he refused. “Oh no, I don’t want to know” he said softly. The crowd booed, and in a bit of a panic the host said “well then how about the lovely Y/N takes a drink? We all want to know if the creator has a soulmate!” you politely told him and the crowd you’d tried before, but there was no light, explaining how you lost is when you were younger. As you saw the crowd looking upset you decided it was better than nothing.

“How about I try it guys! Maybe something’s changed - find out live here on Late Night!” you pitched into the camera and the host nodded, cutting to an ad-break.

“Does this shit actually work?” Jason turned to you, swirling the liquid around cautiously. “Yes! We’ve been error free for five years!” you said proudly, this was your life's work after all. “And we’re back! How ‘bout we get this show on the road! Grayson you first?”

With a shrug Dick threw the little up back, and in a few seconds a cerulean blue glowed around him. The crowd oohed and ahhed as Dick smiled. “Any matches?” He looked to you. Glancing over at your guy who had snapped the exact color he shook his head. “Not yet! Dick Grayson-Wayne’s soulmate is still out there!” the crowd rumbled in excitement, everyone wanted a test now.

“Ms. Brown! Care to drink?” Stephanie drank eagerly, and quickly shone a deep royal purple and the crowd cheered. “No match!” you let everyone know and there was another cheer.

“Mr. Todd, you next?” Jason didn’t waste a moment, drinking the liquid he shone the brightest red you’d seen in a while. For a moment it reminded you of your red all those years ago. Looking over it was another no, and the crowd was almost losing it, many girls in the audience begged for a drink to see if they were his lover.

“And lastly Ms. Y/N! Ready to see the creator try her own drug?!” You corrected him, taking a moment to shout out all the amazing scientists, interns, and volunteers you’d worked with over the years. The crowd cut you off, chanting “DRINK DRINK DRINK” urging you to throw the cup back, the liquid tasted way better than the last time you’d tried it in the trial run. You help out your hand to show the lack of coloration and the audience sighed. Smiling sweetly you began to talk about the drop date.

“Thank you all so much! I’m so excited to release this with my team in just a month. I’d like to once again thank my tea-” you heard a shriek “OH MY GOD THAT’S JASON’S COLOR!!!” and the audience lost it. Confused you saw Jason’s jaw drop, and you looked at your hands that now radiated the same deep red from all those years ago.

“UM WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK!” the host shouted over the chaos. You immediately got up, rushing to the color scanner. “Holy shit Y/N it’s really Jason’s color.” he confirmed your suspicions and without thinking you sprinted back up to the sofa. Connecting your hand to Jason’s cheek the two of you began glowing the same color. Locking eyes with Jason, you couldn’t help but start crying. The aura radiated between the two of you and Jason pulled you into his chest.

The camera came on after the 20 second impromptu break. And what they saw made the news that night. “JASON TODD FOUND SOULMATE LIVE ON LATE NIGHT” “CAMERAS TURN ON AND JASON IS HOLDING HIS GIRL - TOO CUTE! CLICK FOR PICS” “JASON TODD CUFFED! SEE THE PICS HERE!” In just the few seconds before they could cut the cameras, millions of viewers saw Jason holding you, the bright red shining around the two of you while you clung to him. And the pictures were everywhere. Pulling you off stage you couldn’t wrap your mind around what had just happened.

“My- my soulmate died years ago. When I was a kid I took the drug and didn’t shine! This doesn’t make any sense!” you looked up a Jason and practically saw a lightbulb go off. “Well um, were you around 13 when your soulmate died? [ you nodded ] And you were about 14-15 when you tried the drug? [ again he was right ] Okay well long story I died and came back to life. And you must’ve tested when I was still gone” he finished and you almost passed out. “YOU DIED?” you screeched. And he clamped a hand over your mouth.

“Shh princess that’s valuable knowledge for family and soulmates only” it was slowly starting to register that you were in fact his soulmate. “Soulmates” you whispered, leaning in to hug him again. “Soulmates.” he confirmed.

“God I have never seen Jaybird this sappy in my life, you might be magical” Dick came up to you, shaking your hand and pulling you in for a hug. “You got a good soulmate Jay. By the way, can I have a couple servings early I’ve got a bet with Timbers that Damian’s soulmate is Jon and I need some soulmate help for myself?” you rolled your eyes and Jason tugged you back to his side. “Back off Grayson she doesn’t even know you!”

“A little protective already Jay? Poor Y/N get used to this sweetheart” Dick winked at you and you felt Jason tighten his grip around your waist. Dick backed off and Stephanie bounded up to you. “Oh my god Tim’s gonna die he’d totally wanna be here! Plus I bet Bruce is gonna have to do all sorts of interviews now hahaha. How are you doing girl? This is a lot! Welcome to the Waynes!” she said, pulling you in for another tight hug, and the seriousness of finding your soulmate hit you. “Oh my god I’m gonna have to do so much press. How did I not think of this. What are the odds oh no this is gonna be a shitstorm fuck fuck fuck” Jason interrupted you by squeezing your hand. “Uh I really hate press too, I mean Bruce owes me patrol for like a week for just tonight but, if you like, need me for something I can go... does that help?” he looked lost, but it was clear that he wanted to help, and it was adorable.

“I would like that. And it’s late. I’m exhausted. Maybe we can meet up tomorrow somewhere private? We’re gonna get stalked so maybe you can come over to my place?” you realized you just had to take it step by step, and finding a soulmate was the best first step ever. “Yeah, that seems easier.” Jason sighed, and the two of you exchanged numbers.

“By the way, what does patrol mean? And does the color red mean anything to you cuz it doesn’t to me and usually the color means something but it could not?” You saw Jason’s eyes widen.

“Erm, I’ll tell you tomorrow. It’s another one of those ‘family and soulmates only’ facts. If that’s okay?” you nodded, just happy to have a soulmate.

“Of course Jason, but just know I’m gonna give you a hard time for going and dying on me. Idiot” you stuck your tongue out as he winked.

“Only to make a perfect love story for you princess” and you groaned, but he wasn’t wrong. This one truly one for the books.

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marvel-ousnesss · 4 years

Text

There for you (Valerio Montesinos x reader)

@nervousbailiffpicklecookie's request: 15, 16, 17 w/ Valerio from elite. from this promptlist.

Warning: abusive parent, alcohol, angst

A/N: Thanks so much for reading. Love you all so, so much

Wordcount: 3140

masterlist

You stirred the last sip of your drink in circles, blinking a few times before looking at it with a newfound interest. You were normally a gleeful drunk but at the moment you could only think of what awaited at home. All you wanted to do was enjoying the night but things had been going south ever since you had arrived.

Samuel had shown up at the club, making Guzman more bitter than usual; hence, Lu was practically joint by his hip. Carla, her head had been spinning around Christian for a few months now and, even if you repetitively tried to drag her away from him and to the dance floor, she gravitated toward him every time. And Ander, well, you hadn’t seen him for like an hour… which left you out of options.

“What the hell”, you mumbled while you emptied your drink and gracelessly made your way to Nadia and the new girl. They weren’t your usual crowd but you had worked with Nadia for a few projects and she had always been nice to you, so you went for it.

"Nadia, hey! I can’t believe you're here, you look great." You plastered a smile on your face, determined to give having a good time one last try. You waved a barman and, with a gesture of your hand, ordered shots for the three of you.

"Thanks, Y/N, you too". She smiled back at you. "Oh, this is Rebeka."

"Hey, nice to meet you."

She gave you a nod. "Won’t Guzmán kick you out of his little clique if he sees you with us?"

"I’ll take my chances", you shrugged. "But he's all bark, no bite."

At that moment, your drinks arrived.

Rebeka took hold of one of the glasses and so did you.

She raised one. "In that case, listen up.” She looked between the two of you, prompting you to pay attention. "I'd screw that guy after, maybe, four beers. That one, after two" your eyes followed her finger around the room. "And that one, she laughed, oh my god I would do him after a non-alcoholic beer, she pointed at a last one. Shit, I’d fuck him after drinking diet coke, what bout you."

You scanned the club and, with a frown, pretended to consider all the different choices. After a few seconds, you drank your shot and smiled at them.

"Okay, ladies, keep up." Your index finger jumped around the room while you chanted, "Three, five, three, four, and," you paused, then pointed at a guy in the middle of the room. "Maybe seven," you giggled. "All of those being counted in tequila shots."

Nadia rolled her eyes with a smile and Rebeka laughed. "What about you?" she asked Nadia.

"Oh no, I don't drink so I wouldn't really know how to play."

"Your loss," you teased in a sing-song voice.

"Yeah, you're really missing out," Rebeka lifted her glass.

Nadia's eyes drifted between the two of you and she gave in and took hold of Rebeka's drink. However, Valerio bumped into her when she was about to take a sip as he and Guzmán reentered the club animatedly chatting.

"Sorry." He turned towards Nadia with a look of concern. "I'm so sorry about that."

She brushed him off and just laughed, "Now that's definitely a sign from above."

Rebeka snorted, "Well if you ask me, he doesn't really look like an envoy from heaven."

"I can be anything you want," his voice was smoky as he stalked behind her. "A demon, an angel just-" he lifted his gaze and caught yours- "say the word."

He stepped past her and closer to you, then took a small leap and sat on the stool next to you.

"That's a lie," you scoffed. "You're anything but an angel."

"True," his hand traveled to your waist. “But that has never bored you.”

Nadia gave you and Rebeka an awkward smile, "see you guys in a bit."

At least she knew how to read the mood. Rebeka, on the other hand, showed no intention of leaving. Just your luck, Lu appeared behind her with the plastic smile she had perfected over the years.

"Hi, good evening, I believe we haven't been properly introduced." she beamed, "I'm Valerio's sister."

Rebeka forced a smile.

"Half-sister," Valerio taunted, his hand stroking your side softly.

You leaned into his touch, your body began to remind you how much you had missed him.

"Anyway," Lu rolled her eyes, pretending not to notice. " Mind if I steal you off for a second? Later guys", she winked, leaving with Rebeka.

Valerio mouthed a 'thank you' and hopped off the stool, bringing you closer to him. "You avoided me the whole day," he stated. "Why?"

You gulped, trying to find a proper answer.

"My dad's in Valencia, and, well, my mom's been kind of in a mood lately,” you admitted. "But let's not talk about it now,” Your voice was velvety as you leaned toward him slowly.

Before he could argue, you pulled his golden chain for your lips to meet his in a tender kiss and your hands traveled around his neck. However, he saw right through you. Instead of urging to go deeper, like he usually would, he moved away from you and, when your gaze fell, used one of his hands to lift your chin.

"I know it's technically not mine, but if you wanna crash at my place, just say the word."

"Thanks," you smiled and took a deep breath. "But let’s not think about that now, we have some catching up to do.”

Valerio knew exactly what you meant and, to say the least, was happy to oblige. He guided you to the dance floor, this time stepping behind you. Again, his hands found their way to your waist and began toying with the hem of your shirt, later moving to the sides of the waistline of your pants. Your arm snaked around his collar and tucked on his raven curls, prompting him to bury his face in the delicate spot where your shoulder met your neck.

You had missed this deeply, even sometimes it troubled you to think of him. Most people didn’t get to see past the drug loving party boy facade, but he had been there for you in your darkest moments and had proven himself one of the most caring and loyal people anyone could ask for.

That was exactly why you were afraid of losing him. It was one thing to have fun among friends, pretty much what you were doing right now; and a complete other to let any feelings into the mix. Feelings that, you knew, had been haunting you for a long time now.

Although now was not the moment to think of that, so you let yourself enjoy the rest of the party. Having Valerio by your side gave you a significant boost of endorphins; you laughed, danced, and drank your ass off, momentarily forgetting what expected you once you arrived home.

Huge mistake.

A headache woke you up next morning, according to your phone, you still had half an hour before your alarm went off. But there was no use on trying to fall back asleep, your throat was too dry and, for some reason, your room had been invaded by some awfully fruity and cloying smell.

With a groan, you stumbled to the kitchen and dove into the refrigerator. After grabbing a glass of cold water, you closed the door, coming face to face with your mother.

She was in gym clothes, ready to head out for a run, so you prayed for your encounter to be as short-lived as possible. You weren’t in the mood to deal with her right now, and you had to get ready for school if you wanted to head to Ander’s before class.

“Morning,” you greeted.

“Glad you’re awake honey, I wanted to talk to you before you left.”

She asked you to sit with her on the couch for a moment, giving you what she thought was a kind smile.

You forced out a matching one, “what’s up, is everything okay, mom?

She sighed. “Y/N, dear, you know I love you. But you can’t let loose like you did last night.” She grabbed one of your hands and you involuntary stiffened. “Our family has a carefully built name, and we all have to do our part to take care of it.”

There was no point in arguing with her. “It was a mistake, mom, I’m sorry I went a bit over the top.”

“A bit over the top?” She scoffed, “you arrived home at four in the morning, stumbling through the door. God knows where you even drank that much.”

“I just went out with a few friends from school. Ander was there, and so was Nadia. Remember her?”

She let go of your hand and pinched her temples, exasperated. “It’s not about them. You are our daughter and need to begin acting like such.”

“I'm sorry, it won't happen again.”

"you better make sure of it," she foretold.

Grateful it was over, you let yourself relax. Your hands tangled themselves in your hair and you put it into a messy bun.

“Honey, I’m only gonna ask this once,” this time, she took hold of both of your hands and turned around to completely face you. “Where did you get those bruises?”

She sounded disgusted and defeated, but tried to evoke interest and concern. You looked at her, perplexed, and checked your hands and arms. "What bruises?"

her cynical laugh made you gulp.

Without warning, your mother's hand landed on your cheek, leaving a burning sensation behind. “I told you, I'm not gonna ask again.”

You couldn’t bring yourself to speak, not knowing what was she talking about.

Grumbling something under her breath, she grabbed your arm and stood up, guiding you to the guest restroom. Once there, she pushed you toward the mirror. "These bruises, you little slag."

You mentally cursed, flashbacks of the party coming back to you at speed of light. Then you faced her once again, her arms were crossed over her chest as she looked at you with disgust.

You released a breath, thinking of a plausible excuse. “I burnt myself with my flat iron.” Your tone showed no emotion, but your nose wrinkled, giving you away.

“Like hell you did.” She breathed deeply, then looked at you in a much sympathetic way. "Please, don't lie to me."

“I’m not,” you insisted, "I burnt myself getting ready".

“Oh dear, why do you do this to us?” She sighed, pacing back to the living room. “Your father and I are just trying to do what's best for you, honey.” She sat back down burying her head in her hands.

A lake of tears spouted in your eyes. "Do you even think of what's best for me, mom?

Sometimes I feel like you just see me as a vessel for all the label 'Y/L/N' is to you."

As soon as the words left your lips, you realized the mistake you had made. Again, your mother's eyes shot daggers at you.

“You ungrateful brat, after all that your father and I have done, after what we've sacrificed to give you the life you have.” She stood up. “Of course, we see you as a Y/L/N 'cause that's you are. Without us, you're worthless.”

As she advanced toward you, you stepped back.

"Please, don't hit me," your blurted, eyes invaded by fear.

She closed her eyes and huffed, running a hand through her hair. "Just, go get dressed, you're gonna be late."

You quietly got ready for school and exited the house without saying goodbye. As you rode your bike to Ander’s house, which was a few blocks away, you found yourself stopping a minute to call your father, but didn’t say anything aside from the usual, awfully brief ‘good morning’ that was routine.

You opened your front camera and relaxed a bit when you saw the slap hadn’t left any visible marks - yet. What you were going through was still a bit new to you, your mother had hit you for the first time a month after your uncle’s death, two years ago. No one at school knew about it, aside from Ander, and you intended to keep it that way.

You put your phone away and continued pedaling through the familiar streets. Once you arrived at your friend's house, you left your bike on the sidewalk and knocked on the front door. Azucena was the one to answer, making you unconsciously guide your hand to the spot on your arm where your mother's had been.

She greeted you with a sense of warmth that put you at ease and invited you in while Ander finished getting ready. You almost spit your coffee when she nonchalantly asked about the red spots on your cheek but assured it was just an allergic reaction to a new powder.

“Took you long enough,” you sneered.

He rolled his eyes but greeted you with a hug. After kissing Azucena goodbye, the two of you left his house. You arrived at school with a few minutes to spare, even after the small detour to Nadia and Omar's shop. You fixed the folds of your skirt and stepped inside, parting ways with Ander and heading to your locker so you could fetch some books for the day. Staring at yourself through the small mirror hung on the small door, you sighed and used a small green stick concealer to get rid of the redness.

As if on cue, Valerio's frame appeared behind your shoulder as soon as you were done. You smiled at him through the mirror and closed your locker, turning around to face him.

"Just who I wanted to see," he hummed, stretching a hand out for you.

Once you took it he twirled you around, bringing you closer and landing his arm on your shoulder. Looking up at him, you quirked a brow

"Anything, in particular, that's got you this happy?"

"Nope." He popped the 'p' sound. ''Guess it's your doing."

You dismissed him with a hum and a quick peck, then began walking to class. The rest of the day went by uneventful, until the classes ended. You headed straight to the locker room, changed into a tank top and a pair of gym shorts, and made your way to the school gym. That was one of the safest places you could think of, as none of your friends used it.

Popping your earbuds in, you jumped on the treadmill and began warming up. The sweat ran down your forehead as you ran, panting and mouthing the lyrics to the song playing. Right after slowing the pace so you could cool off, you saw someone entering out the corner of your eye but gave it no mind. To get your attention, Valerio stepped onto the treadmill next to yours and began jogging.

You took an earbud off.

"Hello, Jell-O,"

"Hey V," you snorted, patting your face dry. Once done, you placed the towel on your shoulder, covering the plum subtle marks that had began to appear on your arm.

"Wanna bother my sister? Guzman and I are headed to Cayetana's and-."

Your brows frowned as you took a sip of water. "Not really, no."

Any trace of excitement left his face as he turned the treadmill off and stepped behind yours, waiting for you to finish. "Come on, Y/N/N,"he whined. "Just gonna be like- two hours, and I'll personally escort you to the mass."

"I can't." You stepped down, facing him. "Besides, I have to shower and stuff. It's better if I head home."

"Why don't you shower here?" He strode next to you as you exited the gym. "That way, we can make a pits stop at your place and the three of us head over to Cayetana's."

"Sorry V, I can't, I-"

You let your words die when you caught him staring at your face. The blush you got after running was already beginning to wear off, and the concealer you'd been wearing had worn off with all the sweat. Valerio's fingers caressed the crimson bruise that had appeared on your right cheek.

"How long have you been hiding this?" His voice was barely above a whisper.

"It's nothing, really," you tried to disregard the topic, "just an allergy I got from this new powder I'm using."

"Please don't lie to me."

Those words sent a chill down your spine, your eyes tried to widen but you forced yourself to kept a straight face, although it didn't last. Defeated, you looked at him with glassy eyes. You couldn't bring yourself to lie to him anymore, not when he was looking at you with concern and shock radiating from every feature of his face.

"Two years," you disclosed, swallowing hard.

It hurt him to know that you hadn't confided in him when you were at your worst, you could see it. But he knew that, now that he knew, he needed to place those feelings aside and be there for you, like he should have been from the beginning.

"And, you've been dealing with this on your own?"

He moved closer to you and moved to bring you closer, knocking the towel off your shoulder. When he saw the rest of the bruises, he stepped back so he could properly study them. Your head fell to the side in shame. His hand trailed up your arm delicately and traced a feathery touch over the sore skin. When you gathered the courage to look at him, his eyes revealed a glimmer that match your own.

He couldn't stop the question from rolling off his tongue. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I- I," "I'm sorry." Your throat tightened and, after a sharp intake of breath, you pleaded, "I- please, don't be mad."

Tears began to fall down your cheeks and Valerio's heart broke. As a harrowing whimper abandoned you he wrapped his body around yours and rested his head on top of yours, letting you bury yourself in the comforting scent of his Versace cologne and the warmth of his embrace.

"Never," he mumbled against your hair.

You immediately hugged him tighter. Hearing that soothed you, but your crying didn't stop, it had been a long time since you last let yourself go and, right now, this was just what you needed. You focused on the strong heartbeat pounding against your ear and relaxed, allowing yourself some much needed catharsis.

"I love you," you breathed, tilting your head to look at him.

"I love you too." The smile he gave you took your breath away.

Requests open!

#valerio x reader #Valerio Montesinos x reader #Elite imagine #Valerio imagine #Netflix elite #Las Encinas #Elite season 3 #Valerio Montesinos #Valerio #Jorge López #valerio oneshot #valeirio imagines #valerio montesinos imagine #valerio montesinos imagines #valerio blurb

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drethanramslay · 4 years

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Without You

Pairing: Logan x MC (Lexi Cahill)

Masterlist

Word count: 2.5 K words

Warning: Just a little cursing, here and there and Angst

MC is actually not present in this fic, this is Logan's POV, four months after he had to leave LA

Author's note: I decided to take part in @rodappreciationweek so here is my submission :))

Thanks to @choicesarehard @brightpinkpeppercorn and @client-327 for hosting this 💙

Thanks to @mvalentine for pre-reading it❤️❤️

Title inspiration: Without You by Avicii (ft. Sandro Cavazza)

Song: Gone by Blake Rose

Forgive me if I make any mistakes.

The rays of the sun spilled through the crack in my curtains, making the white walls a yellow hue. My eyes were bleary and red rimmed. It had just been moments since I woke up and my hangover struck me like a train wreck, a familiar electric pain behind my eyes.

I shouldn't have drank so much.

I moved my head to only see an an empty bed side. Of course she left. Who would want to stick around after a one night stand?

The hazy memories of last night filtered through my head, making me wince. Another night, another rave, another tray of shots and another chick to bang.

You could call it saturday shenanigans but, this was different.

Everything was different since I left her.

All my days just seem to melt away into a haze of alcohol and drugs... Today, tomorrow, yesterday seems to fuse into this neverending torture, an ache which no matter how much I drink or how many girls I fuck, never fucking ceases to hurt. The only thing which can fix this gaping wound in my heart is Lexi.

But she is not here.

And never will be.

So this is how it has been for the past weeks. Me getting inebriated to new extremes just to numb the pain and to temporarily erase the loneliness before I become sober again.

Because when I'm in those intoxicated wastelands, I'm so out of it that I can almost hallucinate her dancing with me. I can almost smell her strawberry shampoo, tickling my nose. I can almost hear her tinkling laugh.

And in my alcohol induced sleep, I dream of her in my arms the both of us fitting together, like two jigsaw puzzles.

I despise being sober. Because when I am In my senses, the entire load of loss weighs down on me, crushing me and suffocating me. The 'could have been's' and the regret are all a heavy burden on my shoulders.

A small part of me is often wishing, praying and hoping that things could just go back to normal but, deep in my gut I know, that nothing is ever going to be the same again.

Nothing is ever going to be the same, now that she was gone...

How much time does it take to get over people?

It may be a day, a week, a month or a year. There is no definitive time span for getting over someone you loved, someone you cherished or someone who was close to your heart.

I think it depends on how much of an impact the said person had on you or how much of a void that person left in you.

I was the wild and carefree guy, with no strings attached and never saw myself being the one to fall in love because... Let's admit it, love is a vulnerability, a weakness which people don't hesitate to exploit.

But fast forward to four months later, I am in the same category as those emotional pussies crying over a breakup.

Being brought up in foster homes made me grow up quickly. Some houses were good and caring whilst some were harsh. And knowing that I am the most cursed person to walk the earth, I was always was stuck with the shitty households.

Don't believe me? I still have those scars from the fights and the beatings.

Growing up in such a hostile environment, taught me that there is no room for weakness or error and that love and feelings are just some fairy tale myth which is made by philosophical fools to give you a sense of hope.

But, hope is a dangerous thing, two side of the same coin. It can make you and break you.

I don't think I would have survived my childhood but... That's when I fell in love with cars.

It holds a special place in my heart.

The way my adrenaline spikes as the pointer on my speedometer achieves unattainable speeds, the way I feel the purr of my engine resound through my entire body and they way it's just me, my car and the open road... Nobody could ever compare to that sensation of freedom.

Well, that was before I met her.

Lexi Cahill.

I admit it started off as a way to recruit her as an informant, a tool to stay out of prison, another heart to break.

But little did I know that life would pull the fucking reverse uno card on me. But, I'm low-key glad it did.

It's been 4 months since that scum bag was thrown into the jail.

Four months since the crew went its separate ways.

Four months since I walked away from her.

I don't want to let you go...

Those words were on a repeat in his head, like a broken tape recorder and her teary eyes and broken expression is forever burnt into his brain. It was so hard to let her go. The one time I found a reason to stay, a reason to fight for, a reason to stop running, life just fucked it all up.

It was a tussle, a war between what my heart wanted and the logical side of me which just left me exhausted.

In conclusion, heartbreak sucks.

I reach for my phone and switch it on to check the time. But my eyes fall on our prom photo which I had made as my wallpaper. It's really stupid how head over heels I'm in love with her.

But it's the truth.

There is a saying that life gives you only one great love and that many people go for years without that.

I was one of the few lucky people to get that at 18.

But life is not sunflowers and unicorns shitting rainbows. It's rough, it's hard with its a mix of ups and downs. But it seems like mine is set to be on the all time low.

Staggering to the bathroom, I heavily leaned against the counter, my muscles flexing as I gripped the edge. My eyes lifted to see my reflection staring back at me.

I look like a hot mess.

This isn't you Logan... My inner conscience said, which eerily sounded like her.

God, I really must be losing it, huh?

Slowly and painfully I started my morning chores, my body on auto pilot. My mind kept on wandering to Lexi. She would be in Langston by now.

Would she be in that off shoulder sweater of hers, her feather tattoo peaking from underneath the sleeve? Would she be highlighting and colour coordinating her notes like she always did?

Would she have made new friends? Or dare I say a new boyfriend?

Logan stop hurting yourself. I said to myself as I visibly cringed at the thought of someone else having their arms around her.

The idea of someone else kissing her soft lips or someone else holding her hands or someone else running his hands along the curvature of her naked back made me equal parts angry and sad.

Angry for you know, obvious reasons but sad for the life I had to leave behind in LA.

God I hate this existential crisis shit... It's to early to question life.

I dragged myself in the direction of the kitchen, the smell of bacon waking me up. I was shirtless and wearing a pair of sweatpants because I was too fucking tired to wear anything else.

"Look who has decided to grace us with their presence."

"Shut up Carl, it's too early for your bullshit." Raven said as she slapped the top of his head.

I shot her a look of gratitude as I sank into my seat and reached for the plate of pancakes.

Carl and Raven were the closest thing to parents for me. Carl was a tough man with huge muscles, around six feet tall but, he was as goofy as a child. Raven was his girlfriend who was hella intimidating. The kohl lined eyes and the floral tattoo on the side of her shaven head made her look fierce. Both of them were in their early thirties and ran the Detroit Central crew.

We three were in a different crew when I was 15 and they really took a liking for me. They taught me everything I know and they are the family that I always came back too.

I dug into my breakfast, eating slowly and savouring the sweetness of the maple syrup.

"Thank god you are atleast eating now." Raven said as she ruffled my hair and turned towards the sink.

I shrugged and Carl picked up the newspaper to read, settling into his seat. Suddenly, the bell rang which had all of our backs becoming as stiff as a rod.

"Were you expecting someone, darlin'?" Raven asked, trying to peak through the windows.

"Don't get up, I'll do it." Carl said as he picked up the gun on the counter and pushed it into the back pocket of his cargo pants.

I was frozen, terrified. I had been very careful in escaping but me being the reckless fool and getting drunk seven ways to Sunday may have tipped them off.

I'm such a colossal dumbass.

I could hear Carl's gruff voice talking but I couldn't peek at the person on the other side of the door. I just sank further into my seat, hoping that it was some lost person and not the FBI.

"Boy this one's for you." He moved aside and the person I least expected to see walked in.

"You look like shit."

"Good morning to you too, asshole." I rolled my eyes.

Colt walked into the kitchen, wearing his trademark leather jackets and dark jeans. His combat boots made a thud sound with each step which made my headache worse.

"Will you be okay, Lo-lo?" Raven asked, her eyes flitting to the jerk standing in her kitchen.

Colt snorted at the nickname but luckily kept his mouth shut.

"Yep Ra. Meet Colt Kaneko. Colt meet Raven and Carl." I spoke at I stood up and put my dirty dishes in the sink.

"Oh you are Kaneko's boy, aren't you?"

"Yes."

"We heard about what went down in LA. Our condolences. He was a great man."

He gave a nod. It was a sore subject for me as well. That night in the alley, I wished I could take it back. I usually am not one to regret what I spew but whatever I said to Kaneko is another burden I'm gonna carry all my life.

"Also heard about your crew busted the Brotherhood? You were the mastermind behind it right?" Carl said as he crossed his arms.

"As much as I would love to take the credit, it was Lexi who came up with the plan." Colt said his eyes darted towards me, gauging my reaction.

"The newbie? Heard she drives like the wind-"

Hearing her name felt like an iron fist clenching my heart. That name will always be the source of my happiness, my cherished memories and my melancholy.

"Colt let's take this to the backyard, shall we?" Logan spoke up, interrupting them.

He walked to the back door and Colt followed him wordlessly. It a sunny day but a cool breeze blew which provided some kind of relief.

I reached to take out two beers from the cooler and handed him one. Colt raised an eyebrow.

"Beer... At ten in the morning?"

I shrugged as I popped the bottle cap off mine. "It's 5pm somewhere else."

"That's true too. Cheers." We clinked the necks of our bottles and took a sip as we sat down on the patio chairs.

I turned towards him. "So what brings you to Detroit?"

"To see your pretty face?" Colt said sarcastically as he rolled his eyes.

I snorted. "Always knew you had a thing for me, pretty boy."

"Always knew that you had an ego the size of Jupiter, dickhead. Some things just don't change."

I sighed. "Can't say the same for me through. Everything is different now."

Surprisingly, Colt didn't mock him. He stared down at the bottle in his hands. "Yeah... I can understand. How are you holding up?" He asked as he turned to face me.

I took a huge gulp of my beer before responding, my eyes staring at the mango tree in my neighbor's back yard.

"Not too good. It's been hard for the last couple of months. Kaneko's death, leaving LA and maintaining a low profile... It's been tough."

Life without Lexi is tough.

"Yeah I can understand. I still imagine pops opening the door to wake me up. And don't get me started on the FBI... bunch of bloodsuckers." He muttered the last part.

I snorted. "I'll drink to that."

"Good thing they are off our backs now." Colt spoke eyeing him from the corner of his eyes.

I scoffed. "Bitch please. They are anything but lazy. They are gonna continue hunting us down till the end of time."

"I meant that we are not the top priorities at the moment. Sure Mona was sent to jail but, a little birdie told me that they are after this 'world class' thief at the moment."

"That's a relief I guess."

"Do you know what this means?" He asked taking another sip of beer.

"It's too early for my brain to function. Come to the point, asshole."

"We are rebuilding the crew, dickhead."

My eyes widened. "No way."

"Yup." He said popping the 'p'. He downed the remainder of his beer before standing up. "I'm done repairing the garage. We have a job in two months and I need a crew for that. I already have Ximena on board and now I'm gonna go over to Toby's."

My mind was swimming. Mercy Park Crew was coming back for good.

I looked up at him, suddenly nervous. "What about Lexi?"

He rolled his eyes. "When I said I'm rebuilding the crew, I also meant recruiting Lexi, dumbass."

Oh god.

She is going to come back.

I was frozen in my place once again. I had often asked myself how I would react if I got the chance to meet her again. I always imagined that I would let out the loudest cheer and dance like a mad man.

But this is reality and my thundering heart was a reminder of that.

"Why are you sitting there with your mouth open like a fish? Go! Get your girl."

And that was it. I rushed to my room, put on some decent clothes and haphazardly stuffed my things into my satchel. Grabbing my keys and yelling a quick good bye to Raven and Carl, I was out and in my 2005 Devore GT.

Reving the engine I took off on the roads of Detroit, heading for the highway.

The window was open and the breeze threaded through my unruly hair, making me feel alive. My hands clutched the wheel and my foot pressed down on the accelerator, speeding through the empty streets.

For the first time, in a very long, the roads which felt like a never ending maze for me, were the very ones which were the path to my freedom.

The path to my happiness.

The path to my Lexi.

I hope you liked it 😊

Logan x mc: @kaavyaethanramsey @openheart @skylarklyon @shadowycreatorpaperopera @pixelberryownsme @magicalshepherdtreeprofessor @anotherbeingsworld

Permanent Tag list: @trappedinfandoms @oofchoices @agent-breakdance @rookie-ramsey @dailydoseofchoices @colossalpainintheass @siaramsey @raleigheffingcarrera @theeccentricbibliophile @ac27dj @ramseysno1rookie @justanotherrookie @openheart12 @jamespotterthefirst @checkurwindow @chasingrobbie @junggoku @bellcat2010 @choicesstan1 @mvalentine @crazynutella @hatescapsicum @dr-ramseys-rookie @lilypills @decadentwinnerjudgedream @choicesficwriterscreations @nooruleman @anonymously-cool @sanvivrma

#anushka writes #logan x mc #logan rod #ride or die #ride or die: a bad boy romance #choices rod #rod choices #rodaw #rod appreciation week #colt kaneko #rod colt #choices stories you play #choices stories we play #choices #pixelberry #playchoices #rodappreaciationweek

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revisitcd · 3 years

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greetings, loved ones. i’m hannah, and i’m bringing you my girl jules AKA emotionally damaged. she’s my only one (for now). there’s info under the cut but basically i love her and also i love plotting so like this or hmu if you wanna plot! tw death and alcohol/drug use. info is below the cut! if you want to plot (my absolute favorite thing in the world), just shoot me a message or give this a like and i can come to you!!

( danielle campbell & crystal reed ) bopping along to fireflies by owl city is juliet davenport , the twenty-three year old cisfemale thrown back to their hospitality days with some of her memories . voted most likely to win the lottery and lose the ticket , jules was known for being charming & naive , go figures you'd always find them comforting drunk girls at the bar , but grew up to be dedicated & overwrought .

I. HISTORY.

juliet winona davenport grew up with great parents, roger and lucy, who loved art and expression and reading (ie why she is name juliet). they moved around a lot because her father lectured at different colleges and her mom was a painter who was always searching out her muse. for a few years, they even lived out of a winnebago and traveled all over the country. it was a weird life, but a good one. unfortunately, roger passed away when she was only 13. it was unexpected and it threw her mom off the rails- lucy had always been very eccentric and roger’s influence had kind of been the thing that tempered her before. without him, she started really giving in to the worst parts of herself. she drank too much, stopped paying bills, went off on impromptu trips without thinking about how it would affect jules. after a few years, lucy got remarried to a guy who encapsulated the worst aspects of herself. they call themselves artists but mostly they just drank and got high. they didn’t last long, but the dynamic between lucy and jules never really recovered.

for all intents and purposes, juliet had been left to raise herself. honestly though, she doesn’t hold a grudge against her mom. she knew that lucy didn’t mean to be screw her over. she was doing her best to cope with a horrible situation. the fact of the matter was that lucy wasn’t cut out to be a single parent. she hadn’t ever learned to process her grief, so she just checked out. instead, jules did what she thought was better for both of them- she stepped up. she made sure that there was food on the table, that the bills got paid whenever they came through, and that things ran smoothly around the house.

II. COLLEGE.

once she got to college, winnie immediately set to creating for herself a new and better identity than the shy girl that spent all day listening to music alone. perhaps in a last-ditch attempt to please her parents, winnie went into a marketing major. it turned out to be a very good fit for her, as her practice in rebranding herself taught her a lot about how to succeed in marketing and vice-versa. she was the kind of student that rarely spoke in class, but when she did it was because she had something worth saying.

she pushed herself to try new things, make new friends, leave behind her past and make the most of every day. and for the first time, winnie was genuinely happy with her situation. she filled her life, and the lives of the people that she cared about, with constant adventures- maybe because she hated staying stagnant. like if she were to stay in one place for too long, her hurt might finally catch up with her and people would realize that there wasn’t actually anything special about her.

she was the kind of person who always knew exactly what was happening and where. if concerts were happening, she probably already had tickets. if there was a party going on, you could usually find her at the beer-pong table. though she wasn’t ‘popular’ in the sense of cliques and power, she was one of those people who went out of their way to know and befriend everybody- at least on a surface level.

III. PERSONALITY THEN.

okay so here’s the deal jules is so full of love and sweet but also pretty sad; just doing her best tbh

she never goes by her full name unless she is so so so close with the person she’s talking to. it’s what her dad picked out and she still has a lot of sadness there

jules is actually a pretty sweet, happy girl. she just wants to look out for people and make them happy, which is why she has gone into hospitality.

she would do anything for anyone and is all about helping. definitely does charity work when she has the time and has done tutoring in the past, although that was as much for the money. your girl is BROKE

she is way too trusting. she has always believed the best in people, regardless of whether they deserve that. it’s probably led to her being used by people before

she probably has a pretty solid little library going in her dorm left to her by her dad. it’s pretty much the only thing she would have taken from her old life

IV. AFTER COLLEGE.

once she graduated, jules spent a few years working at a hotel. she’d always been a hard worker and the type to serve with a smile, so she really had found a good role for herself. she had dreams of eventually opening up a little bed and breakfast.

she ended up getting into a really serious relationship ( WANTED CONNECTION ) , the kind that really changes a person. she was head over heels in love with this person, honestly. things were going really well until one day they weren’t and before she could even process it, the relationship just ended. after the breakup, juliet really threw herself into her work. much like her mother, she wasn’t the type to sit with her pain. she wanted to be on her feet, moving all the time, never having to really process it.

because of her single-minded dedication to the job, juliet soon found herself rising in the ranks until she had a high level role in the management of the entire hotel chain. recently though, she’s been starting to wonder if she’s actually happy with the role. it isn’t something that she really ever wanted to do, and it’s kind of taken her away from the parts of the job that she loved the most.

V. PERSONALITY NOW.

juliet still has a lot of love in her heart and still keeps close friendships with people that matter to her. but she’s a lot more guarded now. there’s a hesitancy toward letting people in now that she knows how hard it is to see them leave

she’s a bit of a workaholic now, the type who is always checking their phone to see if new emails have come through.

she’s begun looking back at her time before her current job nostalgically. she’s not sure that she wants to make a change, or even that she’s brave enough to take a risk, but thoughts of her original dreams keep popping up in her head

VI. MEMORIES.

she has very some of her memories, bits and flashes. important moments, relationships, life changes- they’re there on the edge of her mind but she just can’t seem to reach them.

one of the strongest things she has is the general feeling of not being satisfied. she suddenly feels a huge push to do things differently and take more risks than she did before

#&&. JULIET ; intro.#&&. JULIET ; past.#&&. JULIET ; present.#again.intro #this is long yikesss #also it's not letting me upload a gif of crystal which is... rude #death tw #alcohol tw #drugs tw

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gloves94 · 4 years

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To Be So Lonely [Draco Malfoy] 10

Rating: PG-13 Pairings: Draco Malfoy/OC Chapter warnings: Fluff! Angst!

Raised as an orphan, Nel Saintday, endured years of torture from the Slytherin House. The Dark Lord only allowed her existence for her to serve a very specific vile purpose for him. Her birthright dictates for her to choose a side in the Wizarding War… But what would happen if she dares defy the Dark Lord and his wishes? And what happens when she falls for her tormentor? Will Nel fulfill her life’s purpose? And what side will her tormentor, Draco Malfoy, choose? The light that calls to him or the darkness…

CHAPTER MASTERLIST MY MASTERLIST

"Malfoy?" Tracey said loudly.

Nel nodded her head bitterly, arms crossed over her chest as the two made way to the dinning hall for dinner.

"Draco Malfoy?" She repeated in her obnoxiously loud voice. It seemed like his name was the only word she was capable of saying because of the shock.

"Shush!" She elbowed her friend. Throwing a suspicious glance around the corridor hoping nobody else had heard.

"And why- are you doing this again?"

"Because he knows something about my past and I'm pretty sure it's true. Trust me I'd much rather write to his father personally and ask or drug him with some veritaserum but even then the potion doesn't guarantee us any answers."

The two sat down on the table and put their bags aside when Theodore came running into the Great Hall and practically slid in the seat across from them.

"You're going to Hogsmeade with MALFOY?!" He exclaimed. He seemed to be out of breath.

Nel's eyes scanned the room. "Wow, news sure does travel fast 'round here," she shook her head.

"Are you okay?" He asked concerned. "Are you ill? Dying?" He reached over the table and placed a hand on her forehead.

"Just dandy," she grumbled irritated before sticking a potato into her mouth.

"How'd you know?" Tracey arched an eyebrow as she drank her pumpkin juice.

"Malfoy was bragging to the lads back at the dormitory."

Nel rolled her eyes. "Of course," She shook her head. "Those idiots are only fascinated by me because they think I'm related to Salazar Slytherin."

Nel's bored expression fixed across the dinning hall to a very awkward interaction between Lupin and Snape. Nott and Davis blinked at each other exchanging a look.

"But you are-" They said in unison.

"Nope, I'm not," she said more in denial before getting her mouth busy and taking a huge bite out of a bread roll. Being related to Slytherin himself meant being related to You-Know-Who and that… That was not possible. It wasn't something Nel wanted to even think about it.

"But you are-" Tracey insisted. "You're a Parselmouth."

"So?" She retorted irritated. "So's Potter and he's not related to Slytherin as far as we know."

"Yeah, but You-Know-Who gave it to him." "Well maybe he did something to me to!" She snapped at her two friends. The two inched away from her exchanging a worried look. "Sorry," She lowered her head and put her utensils down after her outburst. "This… This is why I'm entertaining Malfoy. Maybe the persons who left me at the abbey, maybe they were my parents. It's a big clue." She explained.

Theodore and Tracey had no choice but to agree.

It was then that mail was delivered and her owl, Barberry, came swooping down dropping two letters in front of her. The first was from Professor Lupin, it was written in his perfect loopy handwriting that slanted to the right.

"Ms. Saintday, Please meet me at my office after dinner. It is important. Thank you. - Professor R. Lupin."

Her friends commented on what could Lupin possibly want with her. She shrugged and regardless met the professor's eyes across the table and nodded.

The second letter was written in a familiar sharp handwriting.

"E, Front of the castle. Tomorrow. Noon. - D'

"Ooooh, how mysterious," Tracey joked reading over her shoulder. "I wonder who D could possibly be," she said sarcastically.

Who did he think he was kidding?

She turned to seek Draco's eyes in the Great Hall and when she met them she crumbled the note up with her hand. He simply raised his eyebrows in acknowledgement. The slightest of curves on his lips.

Whatever, she left the dinning hall ready to meet Professor Lupin in his office.

Arriving at Lupin's office she was surprised to find Harry Potter there instead.

"Let me guess," She began. "Lupin cited you as well?" She said closing the door behind her. Swaggering down the steps of the DaDa office and sitting on top of a nearby trunk.

"Is it true you're going to Hogsmeade with Malfoy?" He asked bluntly.

Nel sighed and raised her head back before letting out a loud frustrated groan. Now even the Gryffindor boys new. IT wouldn't be long before Pansy found out and came to murder Nel. Best to be prepared for that.

"It's a long story," She rubbed her tired eyes. "He's holding something over me," she admitted quickly changing the topic. "Why is everyone so intrigued by the fact that we're going to Hogsmeade? It's not even a big deal," she shrugged.

How could anyone not be intrigued by the two of them going to Hogsmeade? Draco was the unofficial Prince of Slytherin and Nel was the potential sole living descendant of Salazar Slytherin. She was a hostile blood traitor, who kept everyone at arms length and was infamously known for her ill temper and distaste for the Slytherin boys. Specially for Malfoy whom she was usually clashing with on the daily.

"Maybe because you two hate each other? Everybody knows that."

He wasn't wrong.

"Thank you," he added. "For what you did in class the other day, but I can fight my own battles."

She huffed slightly yet said nothing. He shouldn't flatter himself like that. She really hadn't done it for him. Maybe it was best to let him think that.

"Do you recon we're in trouble?" She asked changing the topic. After all Lupin had caught her passing notes in class just the other day.

"No Ms. Saintday, nobody's in trouble. Which considering your reputation, you might find quite surprising," he smiled at her as he opened the door. She turned away from him and made a disgruntled noise in the back of her throat.

"You're probably wondering why I've gathered you two here tonight. I know it's a Friday, so I won't hold you here long," Lupin began making his way across the office. "Do you remember the lesson we had on Boggarts?" He said to the two.

Both students nodded. How could they forget? It was an awesome class. It was the most fun they had ever had in any class.

"Boggarts are shape-shifters. They take the shape of whatever a particular person fears the most. That is what makes them so terrifying," he explained.

"Professor, we already know this," Saintday interrupted with an irate look on her face. Could he just get to the point already?

"Patience Ms. Saintday," Lupin paused at the interruption. "I'm afraid you didn't get a chance at the Boggart that day, perhaps you'd like to give it a shot now?"

Nel thought of her worst fears. She eyed a trunk across the room which was violently shaking. Whatever was being kept inside desperately trying to escape. "I think I'll pass," she mumbled.

"The two of you are here since you are particularly susceptible to Dementors all things being considered, Dementors force us to relieve the worst memories of our lives. Our pain becomes their power. Which is why the two of you fainted on the train," Harry turned to look at the teen in surprised. Nel almost looked wounded by Lupin's words. She looked away from both, lowering her eyes.

Her background wasn't something she particularly enjoyed talking about.

"This is very advanced magic. Well beyond Ordinary Wizarding Level," Lupin stated clearly eyeing both of the students carefully.

Why did Lupin want them both to learn how to fight Dementors? Certainly every student was in danger of Sirius Black and of the Dementors that were pursuing them, but why them two specifically? Nel understood his reasoning for brining Harry in, but her? Why would either Sirius Black or Dementors want anything to do with her? "Very well, the spell I am going to teach you is called the Patronus Charm. Ever heard of it?" He said to both.

Harry shook his head no. Nel nodded yes. Lupin extended his hand for her to elaborate. "The Patronus Charm is a spell which main but not only use id the primary protection again Dementors and other dark creatures for which there is no defense. There are two types of Patronuses. Corporal and Incorporeal." "Excellent Ms. Saintday, 10 points Slytherin. Any 6th years amongst your clients?" Lupin teased.

She shot him a look at him butting into her personal business and he chuckled a little at her hostility.

"But that's not quite it. A Patronus is a kind of positive force. For the witch or wizard who can conjure one, the Patronus works something like a shield. The Dementor feeds on it instead of him," Lupin paused as the trunk across the room rattled violently. "But in order for it to work, you must think of a memory. And not just any. This memory needs to be a very happy one. And powerful." His honey eyes darted between the two students before him.

"Think of your happiest memory and come back tomorrow after lunch. We'll begin then."

With that Lupin dismissed them.

"Know what your happiest memory is?" Harry asked as the two returned to their individual house dormitories.

"Yeah," She lied.

She had no idea.

Xxxxx

Nel didn't get much sleep last night. She had spent all night wondering just what her happiest memory was. She hated coming to the realization she didn't have one… At least not a strong one that would ward away a dementor.

All happy memories at Wool's were tainted with the memory of Lucy which in turn made them painful for her. And at Hogwarts… Sure maybe there was the memory of the day she visited Diagon Alley for the first time. Maybe even when she became friends with Tracey and Theodore, and just overall their general shenanigans.

There was one unique memory that was different from the others. It probably wouldn't be enough, but so far it was the best she had.

Xxxxx

It was Christmas even last year, 1992.

Nel had spent the evening celebrating with Harry, Hermione, Ron and his family. They had been nice enough to include her considering both her and Harry always stayed back during the winter break.

The group had been playing with sparklers and throwing snowballs at each other in the courtyard after an early. Overall it had been a fun evening. It was late when they decided to return to the Gryffindor common room, a place where she wasn't allowed. She suspected the party would go on there, but for now she was simply happy to not have been alone.

"Black Mamba," She spoke to the password which allowed her in. It was late, almost midnight by the time she got back. Walking into the emerald and black common room she was surprised to see Malfoy sitting by himself on one of the leather sofas.

It seemed like this holiday the only Slytherins that stayed behind were her, Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle.

She thought it was odd that he had stayed behind. Yet she didn't question it simply not caring enough but looking at him he looked absolutely miserable. She approached him partly to get a better look at him.

He was hunched over with his head buried in his hands. Hearing her footsteps, he looked up and glared at her.

"Lost something Slugbreath?" He insulted defensively.

She kept her curious eyes on his. His face was swollen and tinted with red. Had he been crying? It was probably the first time he was away from home and alone for Christmas. She wouldn't have been surprised if the brat had really been crying.

"Are you okay?" She ignored the insult.

He looked at her surprised, taken aback by the question. Part of him was expecting her to take it back and boldly mock him.

"What do you care anyways?" He snapped kicking the low table in front of him.

He was most definitely not okay.

"Come," She said to him.

She was so used to his harsh tone and language she simply hummed, shoving her hands in her pockets before walking away back to the entrance of the common room.

He paused not moving an inch. He wasn't certain if she had really been speaking to him or not, but who else could she have meant? His father had asked him to remain at Hogwarts stating home wasn't safe due to the raids the Ministry of Magic was performing. Lucius also had to keep a trustful eye at Hogwarts now that the Chamber of Secrets had been opened. "Are you coming or not?" She called over her shoulder.

Thinking himself crazy Draco decided to follow her out of the room. Nel lead her down the dungeon's corridor and took several turns in the darkness before stopping before a small door. The door was big enough for a small person to walk through.

"Where are you taking me?" Malfoy raised an eyebrow still wearing an air of superiority around her. "This is where I'm hiding your body…" She said mysteriously.

He gave a step back, certainly not doubting this. "Just kidding!" She laughed before opening it and walking through.

The two entered the kitchen where long tables resembling the Great Hall stretched from one end to the other. Shelves and large pantries were stacked with food and other ingredients against the wall. And just around the door were dozens of small cots with tiny people sleeping on them. But wait- they weren't people, they were house elves.

"You've brought me to the servant's quarters?" Malfoy said wrinkling his nose in disgust. His eyes looked around the room pretentiously as if he had walked into a dumb instead of a kitchen. Nel doubted the boy had ever been inside of a kitchen.

"Shh!!!" She hissed him as a sleeping elf nearby stirred in his sleep. She tilted her head forward and the two advanced further into the kitchen.

She moved around the kitchen with expertise knowing were the bread and all other ingredients were located. Draco watched carefully as she prepared two sandwiches with the most peculiar ingredients turkey, gravy, mashed potatoes, stuffing and- "Do you like cranberry sauce?" She stopped and whispered to him. He simply shrugged indifferent to it.

He wasn't watching out of intrigued. He was worried that she would attempt to poison him.

The two left the kitchen as quietly and as quickly as they got there. He now followed her upstairs. She held both of the large sandwiches which she had wrapped in paper in her hands.

"Why are you doing this?" He asked as they stood outside the Great Hall. By now he seemed to have forgotten about whatever had been bothering him earlier.

She shrugged carelessly, almost like he had when she had asked him if he liked cranberry sauce or not.

"Why not? It's Christmas Eve, good deeds count extra tonight. And let's be real, I've been pretty bad this year," She smiled a little. "I've got a lot of self-redemption to do." She was lying and he wasn't biting. She knew what it was like to be alone, specially during Christmas. She knew how painful it could be to be so lonely. "I don't need your pity," he narrowed his eyes in mistrust. "Fine," She shrugged again and handed him his sandwich with eyes filled with contempt. "Have it your way." She said before turning away and back in the direction of the Slytherin dormitories.

"No, wait-" He reached for her arm holding her back. The thought of being alone on Christmas was haunting to him. He felt lonely and Crabbe and Goyle weren't always the best company to keep around. Maybe she was being sincere. It was a risk he'd have to take.

Nel opened the door to the Great Hall and stepped in, he followed and marbled at the decorations. In the absolute darkness of the night the massive tree at the end seemed to be glowing with hundreds of golden lights. The night sky was still enchanted to make it seem as if snow was falling down. Yet the stars were still visible above. "Pretty. Isn't it?"

Without another word Nel took a seat on top of a dining table and unwrapped her sandwich. After a long day of throwing snowballs this was just what the doctor had ordered. He did the same neither saying much. He eyed his sandwich oddly, it actually looked disgusting.

"I'm a terrible cook," She said in between bites. "But I make the best sandwiches," she stated awfully proud of her monstrous creation.

He took a bite out of it hesitantly. He'd never had anything like it.

"This is actually not bad," he said thoughtfully.

"Thanks, it's a leftover sandwich. Leftovers of anything Crabbe and Goyle didn't finish anyways." Both shared a laugh.

Draco's mind still twisted over her reasons for doing this. Nel wasn't the type to believe in any redemptions. At least not from what he'd learned about her in the past two years. She was more stubborn than anyone he knew, wasn't the kind of person to change her mind about things just like that. She must've seen something in him that seemed personal to her.

"I'll never get tired of looking at this tree," She said interrupting his train of thought. "Back at Wool's we get a small one every year. Skinny pitiful thing, with almost no branches. It always tilts to the sides due to the tacky pink ornaments that Wool uses."

"Wool's?" He asked confused.

He noted that her ears turned red from over sharing and she took a large bite out of her sandwich stuffing her mouth so she wouldn't speak any more. He gathered that was probably the orphanage where she lived.

"Hey, you better not get any funny ideas Saintday," he spoke in that snappy bitter tone he was known for. She looked at him oddly yet thankful he hadn't further pressed about her slip. "This doesn't mean that we're friends got it?" His eyes were glued to the massive tree at the center of the Great Hall. She couldn't help but smile a little at this, "Wouldn't dream of it Malfoy."

The next morning Nel was surprised to actually find some gifts underneath her tree. It was nothing grand of fancy, regardless she was touched by the gestures. Theodore had gotten her some ink and parchment for the year, something that would be most useful to her in her business affairs. A Quidditch poster from Tracey which she suspected was a gift for her and not for Nel. Regardless she hung it up between their beds to make her friend happy.

She'd knitted some gloves for the two of them. They weren't perfect but she was hoping they'd do just the trick in keeping them warm for the rest of the winter.

She had agreed to meet the Gryffindors for breakfast. Exiting the common room, she was surprised to see Malfoy standing in the common room.

"There you are," he said with his arms crossed over his chest. There seemed to be an annoyed look on his face.

She flashed him a confused look. Had he been waiting for her? Were they actually friends now?

"Crabbe and Goyle left for breakfast already," He uttered as if explaining why he was there standing alone. "They found this outside in the corridor. It has your name on it," he signaled to a large box that had been placed on the low table. She eyed the box carefully. The gift-wrapping paper was wrapped with precision and bore a rich checkered emerald and black diamond pattern that was tied together by a thick black ribbon. There was a square tag at the top that had Nel Saintday scrawled on it in sharp handwriting.

She looked at the gift completely stunned.

"Thanks for holding it for me," She said awkwardly still being unable to remove her eyes from the gift. She didn't know what was inside, but she had certainly never seen maybe even touched a box that was wrapped so beautifully. "I'll take it back to my room-"

"No-," He said rather quickly. She arched an eyebrow at his odd behaviors. "Open it here," he pulled out his wand. "It could be cursed."

She let out a small laugh. Yeah right. As if somebody would try and curse her. She wasn't Harry Potter of anyone important. However, one could never be too safe. Maybe the Weasley twins had send it to her- or maybe it had been Harry, but she doubted that they would get her something this nice.

"I guess you're right," She said dropping her knees on the carpet and slowly undoing the ribbon and wrapping with care. She didn't want to ruin it. She also wasn't sure if she should keep the wrapping or not.

There was obviously a black box inside. Hesitantly she reached for it and removed it from the table. Curious to what was inside. Wincing and preparing for the worst she opened it. However, nothing happened. No harm was done. Inside was a piece of clothing wrapped in more paper. More layers? Again, she undid it carefully and pulled out a black jumper. It was probably the softest fabric she had ever touched. It almost felt unreal or like how'd she would imagine touching a cloud would feel like.

"This is..." She gasped feeling the texture in between her fingertips.

"It's made from Vicuña, the world's softest fabric. Way better than cashmere," Malfoy said smugly peering over her shoulder. "You can tell?" She marveled at his ability to be able to tell just with his sight.

"It doesn't say who it's from," She said looking under the many wrappings.

"Do you like it?" Malfoy asked in an uninterested tone.

"Do I like it?" She repeated her voice almost breaking. "I've never had anything half as decent as this in my life," she hugged it close to her chest. "I almost feel like it'll melt in my arms," she laughed weakly. "Look! Touch it!" She said moving the fabric close to him beaming. He raised his hand and denied it with a bored look on his features. "I'm almost afraid to wear it. What if I ruin it?" She rambled anxiously as her mind wondered to who would’ve taken the time to get her such a thoughtful gift. She was more than touched. She was elated. She could’ve cried at the gesture if the boy hadn’t been there. It was the first time that she had something that was hers and truly hers alone. It hadn’t been owned by anyone before, it didn’t have any signs of tear or wear. It was hers. It might as well have been made out of cotton or wool and she would’ve been just as moved by the gesture.

Draco had just in time snatched the card that had her name written on it. He hadn't noticed that the back of it read 'For Draco, Love Mum. Happy Xmas'

That had been a close one.

"Who do you think sent it?" She wondered out loud. "Do you think it was Professor Snape?"

He fought the urge to roll his eyes at her reasoning. Snape? Really?

"Does it matter?" He said irritated.

"I just want to thank them. Maybe give them something nice?" She said concerned before turning her attention back to the box. "It has to be someone that I know… Obviously!"

Malfoy wasn't going to be much help, but maybe Fred and George could help her figure it out. Draco glanced around the room nervously. What would she do if she knew it had been him?

He was so lost in his thoughts he didn't even realize she was on her way out of the Common Room sweater I hand.

"I best be off. See you around. Happy Christmas!" She called over her shoulder with a broad smile before exiting the room.

She didn't hear but the boy stood there alone.

"Happy Christmas…" he said more to himself.

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purplesurveys · 3 years

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1162

What is the youngest age you can remember back to? I was 3 and I had just woken up in a Winnie the Pooh tent with my sister, who was 1 at the time. Our parents let us go ‘camping,’ which was really nothing more than a tiny tent set up on the floor in their room.

What sports are you trying out for this year? Wakeboarding and rock climbing.

Did you wear your hair in a ponytail today? Yeah it was in a ponytail for the whole day as it helps me focus better at work. I’ve kept the ponytail on even though it’s 11 in the evening right now, but now it’s because it would be too warm with my hair down.

Who do you have on speed dial? Nobody. I’m not sure how to do that with my phone, and even if I knew how to I don’t know if there’d be anyone I’d want to put on speed dial.

What colors do you like to paint your toenails? I never do anything with my toenails except clip them.

Would it be cool to learn how to DJ at a club? Sure!

Where are you going to be three hours from now? It would be 2 AM by then but I highly doubt I’d be asleep by then. I just bought all 7 of the BTS Cold Brew Americano bottles (yep, so much happened while I was gone and I am apparently an Army now...) so I’m drinking from one of them tonight; and they are strong as fuuuuuuuck.

What job would you NEVER take, even as a last resort? Anything related to sex work. Not that I’m against it, but it’s just not for me.

If you broke your computer, would you be able to fix it on your own? Only if it’s something a hard reboot could easily fix haha. If it’s beyond that, I don’t think so.

If someone looked in your closet, how would they judge your style? That I need to update my wardrobe. Most of them were trendy at some point, but not so much these days. They would probably comment that I need to add more colors as well.

What was the shittiest hotel you’ve ever stayed at and why? I’m not sure we’ve stayed somewhere I absolutely hated. I know my dad hated our first hotel in Palawan since the whole vibe of the room felt cheap, the bedsheets looked kinda tacky, and the power went out at night, but that’s also just the luxury liner executive in him. Since I don’t really travel just to stay all day in our hotels, I personally haven’t had any experience where I was like, “never again.”

Have you ever gone on a boat and been sick the whole time? No; I get seasick but I can handle it. It’s carsickness I have a problem with.

Did you get a good sleep last night? Not really. My sleep actually felt very shallow and it really felt like I had been up all night even though I’m pretty sure fell asleep by around midnight. Anyway, I’m getting a 3-day weekend since it’s a national holiday tomorrow, so at least I have a lot of time to catch up on much-needed sleep.

What is the weather like outside? It’s pretty chilly and I feel a few breezes every now and then, but it’s not enough. I’m not sweating, but I also need to have my hair up in a bun because otherwise I’d be too warm. Phone says 27ºC.

If someone makes a spelling or grammar mistake, do you ignore or correct? Mostly ignore. I only ever correct if it’s me who made the mistake by accident.

Do oversized sunglasses actually look good on you? I’ve never tried putting any on, so I wouldn’t know.

What is the most overrated thing in the world? Milk tea. It’s great and delicious I like having my own occasionally, but it’s seriously nothing life-changing.

Have you heard any completely untrue rumors about yourself lately? No. I’d feel sorry for someone who would still be making up rumors in their 20s.

What is one word to describe your room? Progress. It’s come a long way since the breakup.

Have you ever kept something from the wild as a pet? Not in the sense that we caught it ourselves from the wild, but there was one time my sister won a baby chick at a fair when we were super young and we had him for a few days. We tried our best to care for him, but we just weren’t equipped and knowledgeable with what baby chicks need so he didn’t last too long.

Do your parents try to plan out your future for you? No, and I’m glad they aren’t the stereotypical Filipino/Asian parents that dictate how I should be living my life. My mom will sometimes let a comment like “get a boyfriend already” slip through, but she also knows I don’t have the patience for remarks like that so she doesn’t bring it up most of the time.

Do you think that surveys are a huge waste of time? I personally don’t think so. Any activity that helps me relax and gather my thoughts isn’t something I’d call a waste of time.

Are you wearing a hoodie today? No. I would hate to be wearing a hoodie right now lmao, I’d be too miserable in the heat.

Did you sleep alone the last two nights? Yes.

You’re single, right? Yups.

How long was your last phone conversation you had? It lasted like 10 seconds because when I picked up, their signal was very choppy and his voice wasn’t getting through at all.

Who was it with? A delivery rider who sent me a package that Bea apparently arranged for me :’) It has all my favorite Korean snacks and goodies and she even included a cup sleeve of Jin from BTS cos she knows he’s my favorite :(((((

What was it about? Like I said, I never got to talk to him on the phone because his signal was poor, though he probably called to ask for directions. He eventually got to my house.

Excited for anything? Binge-watching Run BTS and Bon Voyage all weekend, and digging into the Frankie’s order I got for delivery tonight.

Got laid last night, didn’t you? Nope.

Do you have drama in your life? Kind of at the moment, but it’s something I couldn’t give less of a shit about so I’m not even getting into it lmao. What’s something you really want right now, be honest? To be able to get out of the house and get my cafe visits on weekends back.

As of this minute, what is going through your mind? That these instant noodles I’m eating are really spicy.

Have you laughed until you cried? Many times.

What are you listening to right now? I can hear a neighbor’s dog barking every now and then and a few airconditioners in the neighborhood whirring.

What color are your shoes? I’m not wearing any right now, but most of my shoes are white anyway.

Can you crack your neck? Nope.

What is the last thing you drank? I took a sip from my banana milk right after I had a forkful of my noodles. Too spicy hahaha.

Where would I have found you last night at 11pm? I was cuddling with Kimi in bed while watching Bon Voyage.

What’s your plans for next Friday? So, tomorrow? Just watch a shit ton of BTS videos since they’re my latest obsession.

Does anyone hate you? Possibly.

Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the person you like? Erm, don’t really like anyone at the moment. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? No.

Could you go out in public looking like you do now? Probably to the nearest McDonald’s or 7-Eleven, but I wouldn’t go out to the mall altogether with what I’m wearing.

Who will you be sleeping with tonight? Just meeee.

Is there anyone you wouldn’t mind punching in the face now? Not in particular.

What do you have pierced? Just the ears. < Same.

Do you know anyone that smokes weed? A few people.

Where is the person you want right now? I’m not into anyone.

Are you too forgiving? I’m not forgiving in the first place.

Will this weekend be a good one? Continued from last night. I’m just glad I’ll get to relax for three days, but I don’t have any big plans for the weekend that would make it something exciting.

What is your favorite thing about being sick? I don’t think being sick is particularly fun, even if it means skipping school or work...

Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t do? Many times, which is why I’ve stopped using the phrase, “I’ll never do X.” I always end up doing whatever the thing is at some point.

Are there any people who don’t like you? It’s possible, but I don’t care.

The boy/girl you truly care about needs you at 3am, would you go? Only for my best friends, and maybe close family members. If you had to get a piercing right now, what would it be? I would get a nose stud or maybe a lip ring.

Do you have any bruises on you? Yeah I have one on my thigh. As usual, I have no idea where it came from.

Are you ticklish? Everywhere.

Ever liked someone who treated you like crap? Yes.

Who do you like right now? BTS? Lmao

What’s the largest age difference between yourself and someone you’ve dated? A month and a half.

Are you gonna get high later? Nope. I know Andi’s always gonna be around as my ~supplier~ if I ever wanna try it out, but I have no plans to any time soon.

What was the first thing you said when you woke up today? That I wanna take a shower.

Do you blow dry your hair? Only for special occasions when I immediately need my hair styled in a certain way.

Do you look decent when you wake up? Some days, I think so.

Have you ever liked someone older then you? I mean they’re all celebrities, but yeah.

Is it hard to make you laugh? Not at all, I like to laugh.

How late did you stay up last night? Around 3 AM because I was watching Bon Voyage, and also memorizing BTS fanchants hahahahaha HELP

Which is worse for you: being hot, or being cold? I fucking hate being hot.

How many drugs have you done in the last three days? Just the caffeine in my coffee and nicotine in my vape.

#survey #surveys

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mytwilightimagines13 · 3 years

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Amnesia (Book Three)(Part Three)

Revenge

It had been very empty. Maeryn had no idea what to do with herself. When Felix told her Alec was dead, she was empty. But she had noticed something else as well. She no longer felt loyal towards Aro as she used to feel. She guessed because he was dead and now the Volturi had no longer a leader. As a matter of fact, it no longer existed . Her whole coven was gone in just mere hours. She was one of the remaining ones alive, but she knew she was hunted on. She had to be alert, but at the same time she wanted to end it all. Perhaps it was alright if the Romanians came back for her, to kill her off. At least then she would be with Alec, even real hell would be better than staying here without him. Empty. “Maeryn, come on. You have to hunt.” Felix said. Maeryn just laid on her side like she had been for the past three weeks. She never moved. The thought of hunting made her throat dry and burning with the desire, but she couldn’t feel the mental energy to get up. “If you hunt I will have a surprise for you. Come on. It will be fun.” Felix said. Maeryn sighed, her first sigh in three weeks, and finally sat up. “Fine. Let’s go then.” Drenthe had many forests, and many ways for people to get lost and not be found. So they started the hunt. They soon found two hikers with their dog. A woman and a man. The thing was, Maeryn didn’t feel that comfortable killing anymore. She took a closer look and realised these two humans looked a lot like her birthparents. The woman had thick, black, curling hair that fell beautifully around her pale, oval face. Her eyes where as green as the forest around her and she was thin and short. The man on the other hand was tall, he had a slightly tanned skin and had deep blue eyes. His hair was graying but streaks of his dirty blond hair was still visible. He was well build, maybe slightly overweight but due to his tall figure, his extra weight was well spread over his body. And then there was their little dog. A beautiful, blond Labrador. His coat was shiny and had different shades of yellow. His beautiful brown eyes showed he loved life, and he was curious for the different smells he smelt on the trees and the sounds he heard. Of course his hearing was much better than a human’s hearing, so he had heard the deer a couple trees away, but he didn’t even think twice about leaving his humans. “Ready?” Felix whispered. But Maeryn couldn’t do it. She shook her head no and ran off. Why she couldn’t do it was simple. It would feel like killing her parents all over again. Of course she knew this wasn’t her parents, but they looked so much alike that she couldn’t even bear the thought. She came into a meadow and collapsed onto the ground, her arms hugging her body, sobbing dry tears. Dry tears for Alec, and for her parents she had totally forgotten about the past eleven years. She had learned that humans are worthless. They had no greater purpose than to feed on. And for a very long time she believed it. But now, she was doubting herself. She made the decision to at least no longer kill innocent humans. Only the trash. No one would miss them. No one. Felix ran to her and gently placed a hand on her shoulder. “Are you alright?” he asked. The same phrase he had been repeating lately, trying to help her at least continue her life the best way she could without her mate. Felix never had a mate so he wasn’t very familiar with the feeling himself. Of course he had seen the impact it had on Marcus but he never could imagine the feeling of losing your other half. “They looked so much like my parents, Felix. So much. Even the dog resembled my old dog. I just couldn’t. I simply couldn’t.” she said. Felix sighed. “Come on then. Let’s go to Amsterdam and grab some pimps and junkies. How about that?” he said. Maeryn nodded her head and followed Felix to the Dutch city of sin. Maeryn groaned in satisfaction as she dropped the pimp on the ground, completely drained from his blood. “Feeling better?” Felix asked. Maeryn nodded her head. “Much better. So tell me, what is the surprise? You have my full attention.” Maeryn

said as Felix and her made their way back to the cabin. “Well, how about a little revenge?” he asked, a huge smirk plastered on his face. Maeryn looked at him confused. “What do you mean by that, Felix?” “I mean that I happen to know that Vladimir and Stephan are here, in the Netherlands. They are in Rotterdam trying to gain more vampires for their new forming reign.” Felix explained. Maeryn stopped dead in her track and smirked. “Let’s go then.” Maeryn followed Felix and soon a huge mansion came in view. It was white, with a black roof. Ivy was growing on the sides of it, leaving the windows open. There was a huge fountain before the entrance and a fence that protected the property. Maeryn and Felix climbed over the fence and quietly made their way into the mansion. Maeryn felt her energy flowing back through her body. The thought of killing her mate’s killers was exciting and the thought of their dead was very satisfying indeed. Felix killed the guards before they could alarm the owners and Maeryn quietly climbed into the attic. The attic was empty, apart from a few very old paintings in paper wrap to protect them from the damage of time. Maeryn walked around the mansion and found that the owners where not home yet. So Maeryn decided to be dramatic and grabbed a bag of blood from the fridge and poured it in two of the remaining wine glasses. “Better have a drink while we wait.” She said as she gave Felix a glass. Felix chuckled and took the glass, quickly taking a sip. “Hmm, AB. And quite a good one that is. No traces of alcohol, nicotine or drugs.” Felix said. Maeryn took a small sip and the cooled liquid quenched her thirst slightly. She indeed could taste that the blood was really clean. It was delicious. She quickly took another sip and sat down on the sofa chair. She crossed her legs and waited patiently while playing with her glass, occasionally taking a sip. Then the moment came where the two vampires had been waiting for. Stephan and Vladimir walked in, ready to attack. Without a doubt had they smelled the two hostile vampires on their property and they were very cautious. None of them possessed any special talents and Maeryn was sure to kill them quickly with her gift. “Welcome home gentleman. Drink?” she asked as she poured another bag of blood into the last two remaining wine glasses. The two vampires where frozen in their place. “Oh come now. I first like to have a small chat over a drink. We have much to discuss.” Maeryn said as she stood up, grabbed the two glasses and held them out for Vladimir and Stephan to take. They hissed slightly and Felix cracked his knuckles. “If you’d like to live, you will take that drink and sit down.” He said threatening. Vladimir and Stephan shared a quick look before they took the glasses and sat down on the couch, opposite of the sofa. In between the sofa chair and the couch was a coffee table made of glass. “So, now that we can have a polite conversation, I would like to ask you a few questions. First off, where are Tanya and Kate?” Maeryn asked, taking a small sip of blood from her glass. “They are dead. We disposed of them. Weird ones with their weird diet. They are quite a shame to the vampire world.” Vladimir said. “Hmm. Too bad.” Maeryn said and she let a short silence fall between them. The tension was clearly feel able in the room but no one dared to break it yet. “Who where your allies besides them and who survived?” Maeryn asked after a few seconds. “Basically everyone who also was there the 31st of December back in 2006. Except for the Cullens. They refused to play a part in this war. I guess they never did any of us any harm, so we let them be.” Stephan said. “For a coven of that magnitude, they are sure very peaceful. They just wished to live in peace.” Vladimir said, admiration gleaming slightly through his words. So Cullens had no part in her mate’s death. “How many survived?” Maeryn asked very calmly. “Almost no one. The amazon clan went back to their home afterwards, along with the Irish coven and French coven. Gerratt is still out there.

We have no idea what happened to him. He fled after Kate died, after first putting his head back on his body, of course.” Stephan said quickly, feeling the threat growing. Maeryn nodded her head and took another sip of her blood. The two vampires on the couch hadn’t even drank a single drop of blood. They knew that the chances of survival was slim. “Hmm. It is sad actually.” She said calmly. Stephan and Vladimir shared a look of fear before Vladimir softly asked. “What is?” “That your answers where not really satisfying. Meaning I will make your death as slow as I possibly can.” Maeryn stood up and dropped the glass, spilling blood on the white, fluffy carpet that laid beneath the coffee table. Vladimir and Stephan hissed and jumped up, but Felix grabbed both of them and made them kneel down, just like Kate made Alec kneel down when they killed him. Maeryn smirked and watched the two vampire’s struggle under Felix’s strong grip. “So, who will have the honour to live the longest? After all, you will go down in history as the last, remaining member of the Romanian coven. Exciting, isn’t it? Knowing that a coven who survived for centuries is about to end, for good. Oh, how I am going to savour this moment for the rest of my existence.” A small, girlish giggle escaped Maeryn’s lips. But it did not sound pleasant at all. No. It sounded evil. This was the giggle of a woman who was about to avenge her mate. “Well, let’s see. Stephan you held me down while Vladimir here ripped Alec’s head off. So I guess it only seems fair that he will get the honour, don’t you think?” she asked in a sugar sweet voice. Stephan growled and tried to break free of Felix’s grip but to no avail. Maeryn smirked. “Now them. Let’s really get down to business, shall we Stephan?” Maeryn said as she held her hand out in front of her, her hand open. She felt her rage fill her body, making it feel warm as her gift slipped through it to the palm of her hand and fingertips. She locked her gift on Stephan’s body and kept him there. Very slowly, she closed her hand, feeling his life flow out of his body and into her hand. Stephan was barely alive, cracks forming all over his body and face. Maeryn felt his life in her palm, and she slowly closed her hand completely, crushing his life and his body. All that there was left was a pile of ash. Maeryn smirked, feeling very satisfied as she turned to Vladimir. The one who had done the deed and had ripped her mate’s head off. He looked at the pile of dust that had been his most loyal companion for centuries just mere seconds ago. And he knew that it would not take long before he too would lay in a small pile of ashes. Vladimir realised in that moment that he had killed the wrong mate. Maeryn was still fairly young, but the love she had for Alec was amazingly large. Vladimir knew that there was nothing he could do about it and closed his eyes. He imagined that he would soon lay back in his beautiful mate’s arms. The one that had been taken away from him many centuries ago. In the last battle with the Volturi before only Stephan and he where left. Vladimir slowly felt the cracks forming, he felt them breaking every limb in little pieces. It hurt really bad. Not even vampire venom was this painful. He could feel every little crack from, and then the most painful moment of his life happened, but shorty is was all black around him as his body was no longer more than a pile of ashes. Maeryn felt really satisfied and Felix smiled. “Come on. Let’s go. Oh, and remind me to never get on your bad side.” Maeryn laughed. “I will.” “So are you sure? We could travel together if you’d like?” Felix asked. Maeryn had decided she wanted to see the world for her own. She wished to be alone for a while. Maybe a few decades. “I am sure Felix. I need this. Besides, I will make sure to contact you as much as I can.” She promised. Then, Felix did something he had never done before. He carefully hugged her small frame. Maeryn was shocked but slowly responded the hug by wrapping her own arms around his waist. “Be careful out there. I

will miss you little one.” He said as he brotherly placed a kiss on top of her head. “I will miss you too.” She said before letting go. She gave him one last smile and then she ran off. Off to see the world for her own.

#twilight imagine #volturi imagine #alec volturi #volturi #twilight

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