#to see where itd go next only for Almost Nothing to happen ever and now this is. just.

[blxetsi]

Hey u! If you write for Erwin could I maybe request like some fluffy headcanons where they just take care of each other after an expedition? Thank you so much <3

hey you ! ty for requesting this was fun to make 🤩🤚

caring for erwin smith after an expedition headcanons (canonverse)

lowercase intended !

warnings: mentions of death, titans, gore maybe idk ???, female reader kinda ??? idk i didnt use gendered pronouns u decide

enjoy friends 😎🙏,

the ride back was hard.

- everyone always says "it was supposed to be an easy mission !" but this time it really was. which makes it so hard to understand why just so many of your comrades had to die

- you rode back near a wagon filled with bodies, the most abled bodied people were going to be tasked with getting their bodies identified and sorted, then ready to be buried.

- after that, whichever squad leader had those soldiers would have to write to the families, to send a formal apology as well as details of the situation.

- you knew that no matter what, even if there was just one death or a thousand, erwin would have a hefty stack of paperwork to go through

- from writing his own report to looking over others, going through soldier files to order out the deceased ones, and signing any letters that come his way from squad leaders.

- you had your own job to do. although it wasn't identifying bodies, you had to go back to the infirmary with the injured, and work with the doctors and nurses there to try and save the injured.

- your head was filled with names and tallies, who got hit where, how long has this person been passed out, when did we set their dislocated shoulder, they suffered a nasty head laceration, did i ever check their pupils ?

- you and erwin both had a lot on your plates, and you knew you wouldn't be able to see him until hours later, maybe not even until the next day

- and as much as you wanted to go see your fiance, who would be silently beating himself up over this, you couldn't, your responsabilities always came first, just as his did

- so after hours upon hours in the medical hallway, with nurses and doctors flowing from one room from the next, soldiers coming in with gurneys to transport soldiers that had passed, their names already being added to a list of fallen soldiers.

- it was about one in the morning when things finally started to die down. nurses that were tasked with the night shift had been helping greatly, as others were ready to pass out. you'd been employed by the scouts for years, first as a medic, then after almost dying from an abnormal on a mission, retired from the field to become one of the on call doctors at the base, before coming out of your haitus to rejoin your squad. since you had so much experience on and off the field, you could keep going. you were tired, but your body just couldn't stop moving.

- you decides itd be good for a shower, and saw lots of soldiers there with you.

- it was quiet, which wasnt normal but not surprising considering the circumstances. most times in the showers girls would be helping each other braid their hair, or sharing soaps and lotions, chatting about whatever happened that day on base. the boys' showers were usually even more rowdy, youd almost be able to hear them next door.

- you were surprised by just how much blood and dirt came off of you. you didnt feel like you treated or assisted a lot of people today, but maybe thats just because this whole days been a blur. because the showers had been used so frequently you had ice cold water streaming down your body, after soaping down your body, getting into every nook and cranny and line you could, you shut off the water, before wrappy your body in a towel and going to one of the sinks there

- you brushed your hair (which took some time) and brushed your teeth before making your way back to the dorms, where you found some pajamas to change into.

- your roommates were all asleep, two snoring, one not. you knew they were absolutely exhausted, and silently hoped that theyd get to sleep in the next day

- you made your way to the lounge room, finding some stragglers stationed around. two sitting on a couch, one sitting on the ground in front of them, someone at a near by table with a chess board in front of them, and another had come out of the kitchen with some tea.

- you knew walking around was useless, youd just disturb others and could possibly get yourself in trouble. but you couldnt help it. it was just past two in the morning now, and you knew even if you only got an hour of sleep, you were sure to wake up in a cold sweat from a nightmare.

- so where do you go ? erwins.

- getting there was easy, you knew this route like the back of your hand. from coming in tk hand him reports from the medical hallway, to sneaking in after curfew for goodnight kisses, making your way to his office was like second nature to you.

- you didnt bother knocking, and he didnt bother looking up at you. he knew only you would dare to interrupt the commander after curfew without identifying yourself, and although he had asked you to knock you absolutely could not.

- you slowly stepped in, your bare feet padding against the squeaking floorboards. you sat in a chair in front of his desk, and simply watched him while he wrote.

- he wasnt in his uniform now, but in pajamas like yourself, you were glad he found the time to shower and change, his hair drying and frizzing up the tiniest bit.

- it was quiet, the only noises you could hear were the scribbling of his pen against paper, and the soft whistling of his nose as he breathed, time blended together until finally he stopped, and simply looked at you.

"my dear, why don't you sleep ?" he asked.

you gave him a soft smile, not noticing until now just how droopy your eyes had become. "because then i wouldn't be able to stare at you, my love." your voice was nothing but a whisper, and with the way the wind howled erratically outside, like it was mourning the fallen with you and everyone else, erwin wouldve missed it.

"you flatter me too much." he replied, his deep voice breaking off at the end.

you two stared like that for a while, just remembering every detail of the other person. the candle light was getting dimmer as the wax kept melting, but the soft glow it gave made all your beauty stand out to erwin. although it was a depressing moment, he still found time to admire just how perfect you looked. he could've lost you today, and he knows that. he stopped vocalizing things like that long ago, as your answer would always be "well you didnt, and you never will !" he didn't need you jinxing yourself like that.

you observed the bags under his eyes while he observed your own. erwin felt worried that youd be all sore and achy, from running around performing medical miracles on his soldiers from afternoon into night. you however, were worried if his shoulders and back were sore, from sitting in the same position, hunched over for hours on end. you knew how easily his muscles tightened, you didn't want him to be in any discomfort, especially after today.

you were the first to look away, staring at one of the candles on his table, watching a race between two wax droplets, trying to see which one would hit the metal candle holder first.

"-my dear ?"

you turned your head back towards your man, giving him a hum of acknowledgment.

"i asked if you were ready to go to sleep, y/n." he repeated. his thick brows furrowed a bit, showcasing some wrinkles he had on his forehead. his eyes showed visible worry in them for you, and you couldn't help but return them.

"will you sleep with me please ?" you whispered. the day had caught up with you, and now the only thing you wanted was for erwin to be safe in your arms as he finally let go of this awful day.

erwin looked down at his work, weighing the actions of his possible decision. you were so sure he would decline, while sending you off back to your dorm to ensure you didn't bother him. you could feel your eyes fill with tears, erwins being becoming blurry. you couldnt conceal the whimper that left your mouth, clamping your hand against it to muffle anything else. your head turned down into your lap, while you felt hot tears hit your pajama bottoms.

erwin wordlessy got up, before moving to your side. you tried to protest but you couldn't take your hand away from your lips, afraid youd let out a sob.

the blond put one arm under your knees, while the other took your right hand and slung it around his shoulders. he let out a quiet grunt as he picked you up, before nuzzling your head into his neck as he made his way into his bedroom, which was connected to his office.

it was a small room, but there was a big bed that could probably fit quite a few people. he slowly sat you down on the edge, which was his side of the bed. pulling away he got on his knees in front of you, rubbing up and down your arms.

you gripped his shoulders as you gasped for breath. "you- you can't leave me. please erwin i- you have to stay." you sobbed, trying to pull him closer by his shirt.

he shushed you quietly, urging you to lay back as he pulled the covers away, he tucked you in silently, wiping your cheeks and forehead before joining you on the other side.

his pillow smelled like him, and you turned your head to breathe it in better, needing erwin and his comfort.

pulling the covers up around his waist, he leaned into your touch, your arms coming out to wrap around his shoulders. you pulled him into your chest, and you rubbed his back with one hand while the other cradled his head to your beating heart.

he didn't offer you any words of comfort, erwin knew that it wasnt what you needed right now. you didn't need reassurance, or promises that could be broken, you just needed him. and he would fully give himself over to you if he could.

your cries had died down until all you did was sniffle and let out the occasional shaky breath, and erwin found it a bit odd that instead of needing to be nurtured, youd need to nuture to feel better. instead of feeling protected, you needed to feel like you could protect to calm yourself.

slowly but surely you recovered, until all that was left were puffy eyes and soft sighs.

erwin tried to push himself up, to face you, but you pushed him back into your chest, making him chuckle slightly. you continued to rub his back, feeling his shoulder blades and muscle, and around his neck too. you kept your nose in his hair, no doubt getting snot in it but you knew right now erwin didnt care. you breathed in his shampoo while carding your hand through the short strands.

the commander would be lying if he said this didn't help him too. just a bit of alone time with the one he loved, being held the way a parent would cradle their child. he truly felt at peace in these moments with you, he felt warm and safe in your embrace. he wasn't a leader anymore, he wasn't a soldier. right now he was just a man, being held in the arms of the person he absolutely adored. and that was enough for him. because you would always be enough for him.

he whispered out your name, only hearing a soft hum in reply. he glanced up at you to see your head against the pillow, your eyes closed. he smiled before kissing your collarbone.

"i love you, my dear."

thats it !!! i hope you enjoyed !! love u all, requests r open ❤️❤️❤️

#attack on titan #attack on titan fanfiction #attack on titan x reader #erwin smith #hange zoe #levi ackerman #erwin smith oneshot #erwin smith x reader #erwin smith x y/n #erwin smith headcanons #erwin aot #erwin x levi #erwin x reader #erwin headcanons #attack on titan erwin #shingeki no kyoujin x reader #shingeki no kyoujin imagine #shingeki no kyoujin fanfiction #shingeki no kyoujin

[coffee-imagines]

Red

part two 

Pairing: Ron x fem!reader/gryffindor!reader

Requested: Can you do something with polyjuice potion where Ron’s girlfriend doesn’t want to be with him anymore so she convinces reader to be with him for a few more days and act distant before breaking up with him instead of herself? I dont know if that makes sense but if you could write something along those lines itd be great

Warnings: none?

A/N: Okay I love Draco but I should probably give the poor boy a break so here’s someone I haven’t written for in a long time, and this is way longer than I expected it to be so oops

Summary: Lavender finally has enough of Ron and asks for your help

———————————–

You were sound asleep in your dorm when Lavender had barged in. Sure it had also been her room, but her landing on your bed shook you awake. With a groan you shoved your face further into your pillow, only to have her shake you. Your relationship with Lavender was a weird one. The both of you had been friends ever since your first year, but this year put a strain on your friendship because of her relationship with Ron. She knew you liked him well before she ever showed interest in him, and when they got together you hadn’t taken it well. 

“Wake up.” Lavender demanded and you just gave her a grunt. “I’ll get the water.” She warned, making a move to get off the bed but your hand shot out to grab her. 

“I’m awake.” You grumbled and glared at her. If there was one thing you absolutely hated, it was being woken up earlier than needed. 

When you sat up you were completely floored at everything Lavender started throwing at you. With you being half awake you were only catching bits and pieces. Poly juice potion, Ron, breaking up with Ron, you breaking up with Ron… Ron?

“Slow down.” You covered her mouth with your hand. “I am not awake enough for this.” You rubbed your eyes and sighed. “You want me to pretend to be you… and then break up with your boyfriend?” You scrunched your eyebrows in confusion. 

“Yes exactly! Thank you! I’ll bring you the potion when it’s finally brewed.” She explained excitedly and gave you a hug before leaving. You stared at the door dumbfounded before letting yourself fall back into your comfortable mattress with a groan. You had no idea how you were supposed to do this. 

You pushed the thought to the back of your head, hoping that by the time the potion was done she’d just do it herself. You sluggishly put your things in your bag and made your way to the Great hall. With a sleepy smile you made your way over to Ron, Hermione, and Harry before plopping down between the boys. 

“You look tired.” Harry immediately said, making you shoot him a glare.

“This one’s girlfriend woke me up too early.” You explained, pointing to Ron with your thumb. 

“Oh she’s not too bad.” Ron explained, wrapping his arm around your shoulder before pulling you closer. “You’re more than welcome to sleep on me since it’s technically my fault.” He joked making you relax into him. 

“That’s very tempting.” You mumbled before sitting back up. “But I need food.” You explained, making a grab for Ron’s plate. 

“Get your own.” Ron warned, holding your wrist in his hand. 

“You stingy little-” You grumbled while you stood up. 

“Play nice you two.” Hermione cut in making you sigh. 

“See you later Red.” You smiled and rustled Ron’s hair before walking out of the Great Hall and back to your room.

You’d completely forgotten the fact that you were hungry, crawling back into your bed before letting yourself fall asleep again. Ron never failed to amaze you. You thought about what Lavender had said for the time you’d curled into your covers. Thinking about how it would be to date Ron. You wished it would’ve been you instead of her that got to ask Ron out first. There was no way you’d ever forget the hurt you’d felt when she broke the news to you. You still occasionally questioned your friendship with her because of it. She knew how you’d felt, and still do, and she only got with him to prove a point, there had been no doubt in your mind about it. 

“Red wait up!” You called after Ron on your way to class. He wrapped his arm around your shoulder when you walked up, and before you could speak again he was rustling your hair. 

“That’s for yesterday.” He explained making you laugh. 

“Just keep walking to class you red headed twit.” You teased, elbowing his ribs. 

“I’m so hurt.” Ron mocked sadness, holding his hand over his heart. “Come on.” He said, holding the door open for you. 

The potion finished brewing faster than you expected, and it finally made you realize that Lavender had been sitting on this idea for longer than you had originally thought. You were standing behind her, watching over her shoulder while she added her hair to it before giving it a final mix. 

“And done.” Lavender smiled at you once she capped the bottle. 

“This is crazy.” You groaned while you watched her. 

“You like him, he likes you. Nothing crazy about it.” She smiled, making you scowl at her. 

“He doesn’t like me. He’s dating you.” You seethed making her sigh. 

“It’s obvious he likes you too. That’s why you need to do this.” She explained. 

“But he’s gonna think it’s you.” You explained and she rolled her eyes. 

“He’s supposed to.” Lavender patted your head. “I just can’t take it anymore. Make it gradual. You have three days worth.” She smiled and wagged the potion in front of your face. 

“Yeah yeah.” You grumbled, grabbing it from her. “Three days.” You muttered to yourself, watching the liquid slosh back and forth. 

It had been two more days before you decided to do anything. Got the courage more than decided, but you hadn’t known what to do. You figured you’d give him an awful date for the next three days, and break it off. You explained the plan to Lavender and she nodded with a smile, deciding she’d stay in your dorm to not create any confusion. You drank enough to give you a few hours and shook your shaking hands as you walked into the Great Hall, making a B line for the red head. You covered his eyes with your hands before trying to muster up the most Lavender voice you could. 

“Guess who Won won.” You cooed and almost threw up in your mouth at the nickname. 

“Lavender.” Ron smiled up at you and you had to stop yourself from flinching. 

“Come.” You stated, pulling him up from his seat to go out. “Hurry up.” You explained when he lagged behind, tugging him to move faster. You wanted nothing more than savor him holding your hand, but Lavender had made it clear that you needed to make the break up believable, and that meant everything needed to be rushed. Letting go of his hand you sat on the grass. 

“What’s all this about?” He asked, earning a shrug from you. 

“A date obviously.” You gave a half hearted smile. 

Your heart began racing when he scoot closer. You hadn’t thought this far ahead. You hadn’t even talked to Lavender about what you’d do if he wanted a kiss. Maybe you should turn away? Start the distancing already? It was too late when you felt him cup your cheek. You were breathing heavily, staring at his lips before meeting his eyes with yours once again. His nose brushed against yours and your eyes fluttered closed on instinct. His breath was fanning your face, and before his lips met yours, he kissed your nose instead before pulling away. You let out a breath and open your eyes staring up at him in shock. 

“How was your day?” He asked, making you just stare. “Well?” He asked, the smile on his face growing. 

“Good, it was good.” You nodded, biting your bottom lip while you looked at his. If you didn’t think it’d be a bad idea you would’ve thrown yourself at him and kissed him, but you knew that would only complicate the plan. “Yours?” You asked, pulling your knees to your chest resting your chin on them while you watched him. 

“All good except for Defense against the dark arts.” He shrugged, making you bite the inside of your cheek to keep yourself from laughing.

“Why?” You almost snorted, already knowing the answer. 

“Well Y/N… she knocked me back during class in front of everybody.” He explained timidly and you couldn’t keep it in anymore. 

You shoved your face between your legs and started shaking as your laugh consumed you. It had happened by accident and you couldn’t get his face out of your head when he’d flown across the room. You’d been practicing how to properly wave your wand for Stupefy when you’d accidentally said it under your breath and it hit Ron straight in the chest. 

“Lavender. It’s not funny.” Ron muttered and you only laughed harder. You waved your hand out to him, and gasped for breath. 

“I’m sorry. I can’t.” You wheezed, standing up and kissing the top of his head. “I’ll see you tomorrow Re-Ron.” You explained and shook your head hoping he hadn’t caught your mistake. “I love you Won won.” You smiled and waved before hurrying back to the Gryffindor common room. 

You’d stayed in the restroom for a while, not wanting to pretend to be Lavender to other people. You’d be able to do it with Ron, but you hadn’t wanted to confuse things with other people involved. 

“How’d it go?” Lavender asked when you threw yourself on her bed, finally back to looking like yourself. 

“I had to cut it short.” You laughed, looking up at her. “So I accidentally hit him with Stupefy during class and he was talking to you about it and I just couldn’t.” You explained making her shake her head. 

“Well cutting it short will make it easier for him to believe the break up.” She explained, making you nod.

“We um...” You blushed making Lavender look at you skeptically. “Well he almost kissed me.” You explained making her laugh.

“Go for it.” She shoved you with a smile. “Now go get some sleep.” She explained almost pushing you off the edge.

The following day you felt butterflies in your stomach at the thought of hanging out with Ron. You had to pretend you hadn’t just gone on a date with him, and you couldn’t help but blush every time you looked at him. A part of you wished he would have kissed you yesterday, each time you saw him you could remember just how close he had gotten to your face. You knew it was because he thought you were Lavender, but that didn’t stop you from getting giddy at the thought.

“Hey Red. Any plans for today?” You asked, doing your best to wrap your arm around his shoulder.

“I was going to ask Lavender to hang out at Hogsmeade.” He explained making you stop walking.

“I have to go.” You explained and started running back to the common room despite Ron calling after you. “Lavender!” You called out when you got in and stopped one of the first years that had been walking by. “Have you seen Lavender?” You asked, and they only shook their head. You cursed to yourself and made your way into your room.

“Why are you calling me?” Lavender asked, looking at you through the mirror while she fixed her tie.

“Ron’s going to ask you to go to Hogsmeade with him.” You explained making her eyes go wide.

“Well you have to go for me.” She insisted, making you scowl. 

“I’m not allowed to go to Hogsmeade.” You explained making her roll her eyes.

“You’d go as me. They wouldn’t know the difference.” She explained and you sighed.

“I don’t like this idea.” You muttered, grabbing the bottle before drinking some.

“I’ll stay here, pretend to be you.” She smiled and laid down on your bed. “You sleep while we’re gone right?” She joked making you glare and walk over to her so you could pull the fabric from her hair before tying it onto your own head.

“You know you could have just done all this breaking up stuff yourself.” You muttered, looking in the mirror to make sure your clothes matched Lavender’s style enough.

“Oh now where’s the fun in that?” She asked, making you sigh.

The whole time you spent at Hogsmeade your eyes were just about popping out of your head. You’d always wondered if it were as fun as everyone had explained, and it was even better than you had expected. You were almost ignoring Ron the whole time, but you didn’t mind, knowing it was only helping your plan. That had been until you’d gone into the candy shop.

“I’m getting this for Y/N since she can’t come.” Ron explained, waving your favorite candy at you. You couldn’t help the smile on your face and you hugged him.

“That’s very sweet of you.” You mumbled into his chest.

“She’s your friend too you know.” He laughed, patting your back.

“Yeah...” You trailed, looking at all the candy in the display when you pulled away. “Come on, I think we’re leaving soon.” You explained, tugging him out of the store by his upper arm.

You let Ron have his arm around you the rest of the way back, and you couldn’t help but lean further into him. You’d completely forgotten to wear warmer clothes, and you were shivering slightly. When you both parted ways in the common room he kissed your nose which left a smile on your face. With a dreamy sigh you let yourself fall onto your now empty bed since Lavender had decided to go back to hers.

“He’s amazing.” You swooned, staring up at the ceiling. “I don’t know why you’re breaking up with him.” You laughed turning your head to look at Lavender. She was smiling at you and you furrowed your brows. “What?” You asked. 

“Nothing.” She smiled and shrugged. “You only have enough left for tomorrow.” She pointed out, looking at the almost empty bottle you had on the table next to your bed.

“How should I do it?” You asked, tossing her hairpiece back to her. “I mean… what do you want me to say?” You asked, earning a shrug from her.

“Just make it convincing.” She explained and you nodded.

You stared at the ceiling later that night contemplating all the different ways you could tell Ron you were, or rather Lavender was, breaking up with him. You knew there was enough to give you a few more hours, and you couldn’t let it go to waste. You were going to make sure to at least get a proper date that would make what you would say convincing. 

“Red.” You nudged him when you walked over to him in the Great Hall. “I have to talk to you.” You explained when he turned around.

“Hey Y/N, I got something for you.” He explained, ignoring your previous statement. “I know you don’t like missing Hogsmeade weekends, so I bought you this.” He continued, pulling the candy from his robes.

“That’s very sweet of you.” You smiled sadly at his hand before taking it. He gave you a questioning look before you shook your head. “Lavender wants to have a… date with you later.” You explained looking back up at his face.

“She can’t ask me herself?” He laughed making you bite your lip and shrug.

“I guess not.” You smiled, sitting next to him quietly. 

“You alright?” Ron asked when he saw you picking at your food. “Y/N.” Ron nudged you with his shoulder making you look up at him. “I asked if you’re alright.” He explained making you smile.

“Yeah, I’m okay.” You nodded. You couldn’t really tell him you upset that you would be breaking up with him even though it wasn’t technically going to be you. How would you have even begun to explain that?

Later that night you found yourself in a worse mood than you had been that morning. Lavender helped you get dressed, and you’d stayed quiet through the whole thing. She made sure you knew the plan and you were just giving her nods. You’d never dated anyone, and you didn’t know what if felt like to be broken up with, but you knew how your friends looked when it happened to them, and you couldn’t help but feel bad for being the reason Ron was going to be feeling that way soon.

You stayed quiet through most of the date. You were too nervous to come up with actual responses to questions he’d been asking you. Letting him hold your hand was all you’d given him, and by the time you’d gotten back to the common room you’d just let it out.

“I’m breaking up with you.” You blurted out making him stop what he was doing.

“Lavender I don’t understand.” Ron shook his head, his eyebrows knitted together while he looked down at you. “These past few days have been the best, what happened? What did I do?” He asked, making your eyes widen slightly. 

The best? You’d been horrible to the poor boy the past few days. Hadn’t you? Your chest ached at the thought of Lavender treating the sweet boy in front of you anyway other than lovingly. 

“We can’t be together anymore, that’s all there is to it.” You explained, shaking your head in return. It almost broke your own heart to be doing this for Lavender and having to see for yourself how exactly Ron was going to take the news. 

“Alright.” Ron mumbled, cupping your cheek before pulling you in for a kiss. You gasped but kissed back, moving closer to him. You’d almost forgotten what you were supposed to be doing, getting lost in the kiss before you quickly pulled away, resting your forehead against his. 

“I’m so sorry for this Red.” You whispered, turning away to make your way to your room. You couldn’t stop your hand from coming up to your face, a small smile forming when you brushed your fingers against your lips and remembered how his lips felt against yours. 

“Y/N?” Ron asked, making your fingers quickly fall from your lips and your eyes go wide as you froze in your spot.

———————————–

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[calehenituseappreciation]

i hc wilbur made tommy president because he planned to go and press the button while tommy spoke and kill him along with himself

wilbur wanted end all his unfinished symphonies and as the person who raised tommy- he raised him like he raised l'manberg. he doesnt care for fundy- not since he denounced him- so he wanted to end him :)

i need a fic where tommy is the one who goes to stop wilbur and wilbur fucking stabs him before pressing the button saying "it was never meant to be" tommy loses both first and last lives to that phrase

tommys last words are it was always meant to be fucking wilbur survives the explosion and has no one to kill him and now he has to live with the consqunces tommy becomes toast- short for ghost tommy i refuse to write so many letters each time- and immeditly looks for his older brothers and he finds wilbur first :) wilbur is exiled for his crimes and also out of fear- they tried to rehabilate him! they really did but then he freaked out over seeing toast... in a bad way.... and he and toast burned georges house on toast suggest (maybe we should burn something! that always helps me calm down!) this is after wilbur is trusted enough to be not... in a prison... after phil convinced them he needs help and toast tries his best ok- (WHO LEFT WILBUR WITH TOAST!) (I THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME! I WAS ONLY LEAVING FOR FIVE MINUTES! AND RANBOO WAS THERE TOO!) and toast tries to go with but everyone is like "yeah no" and toast is like "whhhhyyy i just wanna stay with wilby!" and everytime anyone tries to tell tommy about the wrongs that have happened to him he screams and clutches his head in pain and everytime he comes back he doesnt remember the convo toast,,, is the most BABY toast calls everyone cutesy nicknames unironcially he calls eret rere toast, chriping happily: TECHIE!!!! tubbo: TOMMY STAY AWAY FROM HIM! toast, in a very lost and confused voice: why? techno, freaking out: tommy? toast: hi!!!!!!! im toast!!!!!! :D techno: lowkey ab to cry toast: NOOOOOOOO DUN CRI! toast: there there techie... i know what will help! tubbo, sighing: arson? toast: ARSON! phil comes just in time to find tommys dead body and l'manberg gone hes not around for the withers neither hes there just to see the crater and wilbur in chains with blood on his hands trying to off himself phil will forever blame himself for not making it in time :> dream: taking wilbur away in boat toast, floating behind the boat: o^o dream do you have any games on your phone .///^///. looks at exileinnit hmmm spins roulette wheel who should i hurt... i picked d all of the above they dont let toast go with him but because he is baby and you can't tell him what to do tubbo: sighs finally now that the exiles done toast can you- tubbo: looks up tubbo: GOADDAMN IT

toast is promptly kidnapped back to l'manberg the next day toast keeps going back tho and no one understands why- he literally killed him! why does he keep wanting to go back! (toasts unfinished buisness keeping him tied was helping wilbur and l'manberg- he loved wilbur even at his worst)

toast vibes around everyone but he stays with wilbur- where ever wilbur goes is where he builds his home

its shitty but its an 'ome Toast, teary eyed: Dad? Why does everyone hate Wilby? Why can't I be with him... Phil, with no idea what to do: niki bakes cakes with niki whenever hes in l'manberg he keeps accidently setting her bakery on fire but hes sMOL AND GIGGLES A LOT AND HE HAS FLOUR ON HE GODDAMN SELF toast is a part of mexican l'manberg i dont make the rules mexican dream: AYYYYYYYYY HOMIE toast, giggling: 'OMIE!!!!!

Toast is wholesome while everyone is literally willing to murder Wilbur while also trying to stop him from khs toast is just a very happy lovely child and cries whenever anyone is mean to 'his big brother wilby!' and so they all constantly glare daggers over toasts shoulder wherenever he cant see em meanwhile Phil is just dying inside because Tommy is a ghost by Wilbur's hands and Wilbur keeps trying to commit suicide and oh god what is he supposed to do- he simply avoids this struggle by avoiding them toast, waddling up to philza: papa do you have any games on your phone? all im saying is that tommy called phil papa before changing to dad or fathercraft phil,in the tired parent voice: tommy please sit down- just for five minutes- at least for 5 minutes toast: sits down and then proceeds to struggle to continue to sit but he must because dad told him to toast is just ADHD incarnate wilbur, trying to end himself: im gonna escape my consequences toast: HI!!!!! :D wilbur: FUCK ITS MY CONSEQUENCES toast,,,, is so baby Wilbur is just not allowed to have anything remotely sharp i like how theres so much angst and im just hyper focusing on ba yby dream uses toast the same way he uses ghostbur! :D toast doesnt realize of course even after wilbur tells him dream is bad but he keeps forgetting!!! Everyone: da baby Dream: how can I profit from this oh dream is manipulating wilbur btw wilbur: suffering toast: i made you a card toast trusts eret wholeheartedly and this hurts eret because she knows if toast remembered he probably wouldnt- they wanted redemption but not like this- not because of death Toast: you look cool Toast: you are friend now Eret: sobs I don't deserve this Toast: what did I do wrong Toast: how can I help friend!!!!! Eret: sobbing more toast looks at everyone says "ah! friend shaped!" if ur wondering wheres the angst toast is the angst- toast is just tommy without any bad memories and hes so different they thought he was happy before they thought he was fine tommy was hurt too but since he internalized it no one cared toast sees wilbur being sad and goes! i know what will help! n-not arson tho people dont like arson when you do it.... BUT ITS OKAY! I BROUGHT A FRIEND! shows friend, the sheep and wilbur just fucking sobs Toast is wholesome chaotic in a perfect mix- toast is tommy but without the 'asshole on purpose as a self defense mechanism" someone mentioned something about Tommy masking insecurities once Toast doesn't remember. and he's fine with that he doesn't have any insecurities toast hurts because in retrospect toast, meeting bad: WOAAAAAAH! YOU LOOK SO FUCKING COOL! bad: LANGUAGE! toast, cringing back, looking at the ground: ..sorry :( bad: ...you can swear toast: :D bad: once toast hasnt sworn since "hes saving it for special occasions" sometimes he accidently swears and immedtly gasps and looks at bad and bad just sighs and is like "its okay it was an accident" bad never would have thought itd take letting tommy swear for him to stop huh... its almost like... hes a child.... and the negetive reienforcement.... was doing more harm then good.... toast: exists in an amount of happiness no one has ever seen him in before everyone: pain how much pain was tommy in before? they thought tommy was happy- was... was he not happy? he's so unabashedly joyful and energetic looking back they can see how forced every laugh felt, every smile- He's not afraid to just talk to people, make new friends he became so much more cautious after Eret, had it really effected him that badly? He's open. He never lies about how he's feeling, never brushes anything away how much was Tommy hiding, how much pain, how much fear- It's chilling. bone chilling. There's no way to fix what's been lost. No way to apologize to who Tommy used to be, to try and make it better. None of them every bothered to see him as anything more than a nuisance, an annoying child or cannon fodder and they'll regret it for the rest of their lives everyone: having a mental crisis toast: GUYYYYSS!! I MADE ANOTHER FRIEND!!!

"Wilby?" Wilbur heard Tommys voice say in an innocent tone.

Was he hearing things? Tommy's dead. He killed him himself.

"Wilby why are you in prison?" The image of his little brother asked, "Did you commit arson without me?" it asked in a pout.

"TOMMY!" Tubbo yelled running into the cell where Wilbur was kept, going through the bars with ease, "Tommy get away from him!"

"But 'ubbo!!!! Wilby is 'ere!!!!" Tommy (?) said with a smile Wilbur hadn't seen since Tommy was a child.

"Tommy, I understand you don't remember anything right now but you need to come back over here!" Tubbo demanded and Tommy flinched

Wilbur was struck with the sudden realization that this isn't just his mind- no no it can't be- but Tubbo acknowledged him he has to- Wilbur reached his locked hands towards Tommy only for him to pass through him. What? No no it was just his imagination that makes sense.

"Oh sorry Wil! I'm kinda dead! I don't remember how i died... but i think im a ghostie!" Tommy said plainly, floating off the floor. Wilbur looked at him in confusion. Whats happening?

the first time toast sees the crater toast srceams in intense amount of pain- its so loud you can hear it all over the smp- and just dissapears for a few days before reappearing with no memories of what happened toast saying things tommy thought but never said- he calls eret "big brother" and eret fucking d i e s toast cals all the l'manbergians older siblings He's far too honest for anyone to handle tommy was always honest too but he learned from experince that honesty only lead to hurt Tommy was like an enderchest, you could never see beyond the exterior, everything inside was exclusive to him and him alone Toast is like when someone dies and all their fuckin items explode onto the ground. you just see everything and most of it was  pain and everyone feels bad because they thought he was the only one uneffected that nothing had ever put a damper on his happiness and energetic smile- at what point had that smile became fake? also for angst reasons the last memory toast has is before the elections toast has uwu boy vibes but more chaotic toast goes to dream smp from logstedshire purely for sam nook toast starts making his hotel since he sees nobody has a home (including dream LMAO) (and he wants to make a safe place since everyone keeps saying something about war) and wants to make one and asks sam for help since apparently hes good at building and sam lets him pay after he finishs the hotel and sam nook is there since day one because i dont think i could handle a world without sam nook toast: biting everyone tubbo: wHY DO YOU DO THAT?????? toast: once techie bit all the cupcakes and then said it was his cuz he bit it so im biting everyone to show their mine!!!!! tubbo: i- tubbo: i am both flattered and disgusted everyone, remembering how tommy used to bite everyone upon meeting and then everyone would get mad at him and yell at him until he stopped biting people on meeting: sadly whips and nae naes hes a BABY toast deserves the fucking world also i havent talked ab it but there is wilbur and fundy angst here fundy confronts wilbur also not that fundy is angry about not not not getting murdered by his father but also why does he consider tommy his unfinished sympohny and not him? he raised fundy too- maybe he just only ever loved tommy (based off his insecurity of how close wilbur and tommy are based off wilbur raising tommy and wilbur only being there for fundy by the time he was older and also using hybrid age go nyoom for this dream manipulates toast during wilburs exile along with wilbur and toast realizes both of them were being used by him and fucking screams lourder than he ever has before and dissapears for a week and then shows up at technos house (he got lost and he didnt know why he was at logsted shire- he doesnt remember the place) on the day of the excution and tries to help technoblade but keeps forgetting that everyone is trying to kill techno the butcher army is hesitant when "hey why are you all attacking big brother Techy-" "HE SPAWNED WITHERS IN L'MANBERG!" "he did?" toast asked tilting his head in confusion "YES! HE DID! AFTER YOU DIED! NOW WHERE IS HE TOAST! WE NEED TO CAPTURE HIM!" whenever tubbo talks ab how theyre planning on excuting techno or how there was no trial toast has flashbacks to tubbos excution but hes never able to hold on to the memories just leaving him feeling bad toast sees anything traumatic and just makes the blue screen noise toast has to reboot every time anything truamatic happens and when he does he doesnt remember what happens after

toast hurts on a "THE FUCKING IMPLICATIONS OF THIS" level just.. everyone trying to make up for not noticing tommys hurt and trying to be good to toast when its already too late... far too late glatt is also here because whenever ytoast dissapears after something trauamtic he bounces back to the land of the dead for the bit and sometimes he drags glatt out to the land of the living with him only works bc toast has unfinished buisness so he can freely go between and just stays in the land of the lving until he can finish his unfiinshed buisness ghostbur and toast wouldve been good friends if they ever met anyone yells at toast and he immeditly starts sobbing

basically when everything is calm and peaceful and everyone is happy together after dream is in prison and toast is like "oh... this is what ive always wanted"

"toast?" tubbo asked, confused toast smiled softly, "i think its time for me to go" "what?" wilbur asked his pitch unusually high due to the fear lacing his voice "i think... i think this was my unfinished buisness... this is the last thing i wanted when i was alive, the reason i stayed... i think its finally my time to go now" toast said smiling tearfully "no! you vcan't go! we just got you back!"

basically when everything is finally ok, when things finally calm down toast fades back to the void/afterlife thing

#dream smp #wilbur soot #tommyinnit #dream smp hcs #dream smp au #dsmp

[llendrinall]

What if the golden trio + Draco magically get sucked into a universe where Riddle was killed before the potters were. And they grow up from babes to adulthood not remembering anything until they suddenly get their memories when each reach the age of 21 and ohh imagine how hard itd be on each's parents cuz they dont know whats wrong and all. Then bam Ron shows up engaged to a muggleborn he never spoke to in school and Harry and Draco are spotted on a date in a muggle zoo. The Malfoy's flip and so do the Potters.

It'd be a lovely story of healing, connecting and love and honesty I think they deserve it after the shit they went through.

The memories come to them in dreams. At first it’s just a strange, upsetting, dream that has a bit more consistency than dreams usually have and that lingers through the day while dreams fade away before you get out of bed. By the third night they have almost all the memories back, each dream slotting nicely with the previous one. Harry is understandably freaked out. He makes a quick trip to Godric’s Hollow to go hug his parents and then spends a lot of time looking at the one family photo they have in the living room, the one in which Harry and Dudley were seven. He stares at Petunia’s smile and wonders whatever happened to give him such horrible ideas about his aunt.

He and Ron are friends, living together as they went through the Auror training and now in their first year working as Aurors. Harry talks to Ron because he can’t shake that horrible feeling of dread; all the things he could lose or maybe all the things he has lost. That’s when they realize they have the same freaking memories, the same dreams, down to the nasty details like Ron leaving during the horcrux hunt or Harry being kind of a jerk about Ginny.

Ron, being Ron, is blessed with an eminently practical and down to earth sense of life. The dreams are strange and it would be very interesting to learn how come they got the same dream-memories, if something happened to their other selves and why are they suddenly remembering now. All those are very good and valid questions that someone should investigate. For now, Ron is going to find Hermione Granger and do whatever it takes to make her fall in love with him so he can marry her.

It turns out that Hermione has been getting the same dreams, the same memories, and when Harry and Ron – those two classmates she was friendly with but not super close to – come knocking on her door, she cries and she doesn’t know if it sadness for what they lost of joy to have them back. Ron once again shows his superior sense by grabbing her hand and saying that yes, this might be a super duper weird spell, and yes Hermione is right to suspect it and want to know why and where it came from, and yes, there may be some dark forces playing around; but none of that changes the fact that he loves her and even if the memories proved to be fake he will still love her because she has the courage and smarts to suspect the meaning of these memories and basically what Ron is trying to say is that he loves all iterations of Hermione. Sorry, but she is stuck with him.

They get married that same day, with Harry acting as a witness. Then they go tell their respective families. The Grangers take it surprisingly well and don’t even threaten Ron with dismemberment if he ever hurts Hermione. Instead, they ask him to do right by her. Ron, who might be going a bit mad, makes a vow of devotion and loyalty with his actual knee on the floor and the Grangers love it. They named their only daughter Hermione, of course they love it when an actual chivalric hero comes into their living room.

The Weasleys are a different thing. They know enough about magic to be suspicious of the sudden memories. Mrs Weasleys gives Hermione the stink eye because, to be honest, this sounds a lot like a love-potion. It’s only because Harry is there with the same memories and no wish to marry Hermione that Mrs Weasley doesn’t call the Wizarding Patrol immediately. Also, the twins and Ginny dislike Hermione. The twins slightly less so because they only had to suffer her as Prefect for a year, but for Ginny it was three long years of Hermione barring her from hexing and/or beating people. It was very frustrating and she blames Hermione for every pimple she got during that time. If Ginny had been allowed to hex Parkinson or Malfoy of freaking Finch-Fletchley every time they were their annoying selves, Ginny would have been much calmer and mellower and her skin would have reflected it.

So the Weasleys are not happy but there isn’t much they can do about it other than keep a close look on Hermione and wait for Ron to see reason.

It is a very busy weekend to say the least. On Monday Harry has vertigo because the week seems awfully empty (disarming a blood hex and capturing its creator, ppft, what is that for someone who remembers fighting Voldemort?). Harry would rather have his hours full so he won’t be overwhelmed by his thoughts. There is so much death in the memories! His parents, Sirius, Remus, Peter, even Regulus who is profoundly weird and very snobbish but James insists on inviting him to events and he keeps coming despite how uncomfortable he looks. They are all dead in Harry’s memories.

There is also Malfoy, who is even more of a jerk in the memories and who grew up to become an actual Death Eater like his father, someone who almost killed Dumbledore and who, when the time came, saved Harry’s life with a lie.

On Thursday the Auror office receives a call of dark activity in Minaford Park, which is where Draco Malfoy is living these days. Harry takes the assignment and makes quick work of the boggart and the ghoul that somehow were trapped under the stairs and were screaming at each other. As excuses go, it’s not too bad. Harry is certain that Draco could have done it himself, but it is messy enough that it seems believable that he would prefer someone else to fix it for him.

Draco offers Harry tea, which he accepts. There is a very odd tension in the air. Draco is down to his shirt sleeves and has shadows under his eyes and when he looks at Harry… It can’t be said that he looks at him funny. Draco was his usual snobbish self while he watched Harry getting rid of the creatures. But there is something in his eyes when Harry takes a seat and accepts the tea cup. Something almost like sorrow.

No, not sorrow.

Compassion.

“Look, Potter”, Draco says. “I am too old to start having prophetic dreams, but this affects you directly. You figure out if someone is playing with a timer-turner or what, here it goes.” And he tells Harry everything.

As one could expect, Minaford Park has a very beautiful garden. Draco and Harry spend hours after lunch walking through it. Ah, yes, Harry stayed for lunch. Draco insisted. He still had things to tell Harry and he was growing hungry.

They meet again on Saturday, ostensibly so Harry can tell Draco what he and Hermione had learned. Ron says he doesn’t give a damn where the memories came from. He only cares what he can do with them and so far he seems to be doing pretty well, having married Hermione and encouraged Bill to ask Fleur Delacour out. Hermione and Harry are a bit more worried, but Harry will admit the research effort goes 30-70% in Hermione’s favour.

Talking with Draco is good. He seems to share the same dread as Harry. Draco confesses that he is not happy with his conduct, or rather the conduct of the Draco that could be. He talks a lot about the fear and nausea at having the Dark Lord in his house, the smell of despair that took over the manor, the mad glint in his aunt Bellatrix’s eyes. Since Draco talks about his aunt, about seeing her mad and cruel and talking proudly about torturing the Longbottoms, Harry feels that he can talk about his own aunt Petunia and Draco will understand. Lily and Petunia don’t have the closest relationship, but to think that she could treat Harry like that…

The Sunday visit to the zoo isn’t a date. As soon as Hermione learns that Draco also has the memories she assigns work pairs and tasks. She sends Harry and Draco to check the reptiles in case they see something like Nagini in there. Both of them have the most memories of her. They should be able to recognize the snake.

Nagini is there and she is surprisingly cognizant for a snake which makes them suspect that she might be a horcrux. The discovery leaves them cold, a new kind of vertigo opening before them. They didn’t live through it, they are only memories, but the exhaustion of the war feels real and they don’t want to go through anything similar again.

Draco asks to go see the penguins and it might seem silly and contradictory, but watching them helps a lot to keep the chill from Nagini away. Neither can tell who initiated, but while in there they begin to hold hands. They go to see the butterflies next, which are in the next pavilion, and suddenly everything in the world looks much better. They don’t kiss when they part, but the way they look at each other is worth at least three kisses.

On Monday Harry receives a short message from Remus that simply says he has sequestered the Prophet’s copy but he doesn’t know how long he can keep Harry’s parents from seeing the news. Harry takes the morning off work and goes to Godric’s Hollow immediately so they can learn about Draco from him rather than the salacious gossip column.

James simply says, “MALFOY? You… MALFOY!?”.

He seems upset. Then he freezes and for the next ten minutes James says nothing. He doesn’t move. He is just there, in the kitchen, one hand in the air and the other holding a cup of tea that is growing cold.

“Harry, dear, I want you to come to dinner today.” Lily says. She has a worried frown but is otherwise unperturbed. “And tell us everything about those memories. Even the bad bits. This is important. It can be dangerous.”

“Yes! Dinner!” James screams, suddenly unfreezing. “Bring him to dinner. Tonight.”

“What?”

“No, you are right. It might be too formal, too soon. Quidditch, then. Does he like Quidditch? He must. I remember you complaining about him while you were in school.”

“He… likes Quidditch, yes.” Harry says hesitantly because even now he is not sure if his dad is talking about Draco.

“Perfect. We shall go see a Quidditch match, the three of us.”

“James.” Lily warns.

“Does anybody in this house know when the next Quidditch match is?” James cries over his wife’s warning that he is doing it again, just like with Sirius.

“Saturday.” Remus says.

“That’s too late! When is Sirius back?”

“Wednesday.” Answers Remus and despite his transformation exhaustion he nimbly steps away from Lily’s strike with the newspaper. Usually Remus would spend his transformation at home, but since Sirius had to go on a trip he came to James and Lily’s so he would have company, which led to the fortunate circumstance of being able to take the newspaper and delay the news.  

“Honestly, Remus.” Chides Lily.

“I’m not encouraging him! You can’t call answering his questions encouragement!”

“It is decided, then.” James announces from the chair. He has climbed a chair and is speaking from atop. “Friday, you bring young Malfoy home. We will play Quidditch and some board games and have dinner in the yard. Sirius shall bring Regulus so Malfoy is not the only Slytherin.”

“James, listen to me…” Lily tries with little faith that James would listen to anyone.

That same morning, at eleven, Lucius Malfoy receives a howler from James Potter composed of thirty-two seconds of mad laughter, which means that James must had listened to Lily at some point or most likely that she was able to take his wand.

It couldn’t be said that James Potter was happy to hear that his beloved son was dating a snobbish Slytherin prick, no, but as soon as he realized that Lucius Malfoy would be equally unenthused about it, it had awaken James’s unhinged tendency towards confrontation with the established power and forced adoption of families’ black sheep. He had done it to Sirius, he had done it to Remus, he had done it to Peter (even if it failed catastrophically) and he was doing it to Regulus now. He had even befriended Severus Snape. Oh! Snape! He should invite Snape too. That way they could make teams of four.  He would come if Lily asked him to.

And afterwards they explore those memories, and Lily looks worried and so does Snape. Regulus goes very quiet for a while but then he gives his opinion of what has happened and it’s the most words anyone has heard him speak but the multiverse theory makes a lot of sense.  

The Weasleys warm up to Hermione eventually. They can’t tell why, exactly, other that Ron is beaming these days. Also, every time she comes to the Burrow she brings a gift to Arthur. It is a very obvious ploy to make them like her but it works because she sees the gift through and answers all of Arthur’s questions no matter how long it takes. The twins took notes when she gave her physics lecture. It was most informative. They created two prank artefacts out of it.

They find the few horcruxes Voldemort managed to make. Peter, who had a falling out with the Potters years ago, resurfaces and tries to steal a horcrux and bring back the Dark Lord out of spite. According to Regulus some people are dedicated to bring their own destruction and you can’t do anything about it.  Barty Crouch Jr. also tries to bring Voldemort back, but by then Lucius Malfoy has been adopted by James even though he is a powerful adult man with his own family. It makes no sense. If anything, Lucius should be the one informally adopting people and grooming them under his wing to be his devoted friends and allies. But Lucius had become James’, just like Severus warned him it would happen, so he puts a stop to that Barty Crouch nonsense pretty quickly and to any other former Death Eaters with ideas. Lucius might not like the Potters but he likes the idea of Voldemort taking over his house even less, and whatever else his happening, it makes Draco happy, so.

What little of Voldemort remained alive, it is now dead.

The four of them, they have the shadows and regrets of two lives, the fear and pain of two wars, but the happiness afterwards… Oh, it is worth it, it is very, very worth it. It is the happiness of two lives, tenfold.  

#asks #harry potter #memories #au #Anonymous #verse: memories from another life

[urmomification]

WOOO POG DREAM SMP AU

theres 1.8k words and 9,393 characters of a schlatt au below the cut LMAO

[i was rambling to my friend and this is what came out of it! send me an abt it if u have questions i would love to talk abt it more pls]

(slight body horror/gore tw!!)

slams fists on table rattling any dishes on the table au where schlatt doesnt die of a heartattack and tubbo locks him up to rot basically and his horns grow into his eyes effectively blinding him and chained his hands together and basically a leash on him to keep him from moving around in his cell so he cant do anything to break the horns off before they get too long and one day when technos breaking into lmanberg he gets chased into the prison and loses them in the halls before coming across schlatts cell and schlatts calling out like 'whos there i can hear ur foot steps whos there please someone whos there' etc yk and technos speechless they thought they executed him to keep him from causing any more problems in the country but this is this is just much worse than anything he even thought theyd do and hes standing in front of schlatts cell just looking at him as if hes imagining it he knew lmanberg was bad but holy fuck they just let this man rot in a cell to the point of his own horns blinding him and giving him no aid or way to ease the pain so he makes himself known and schlatt 'ive never been so happy to see, well, hear an anarchist in my life, its good to see- hear you technoblade' and chuckles and blood runs down his face like tears would, few drops landing on his clothes before techno starts trying to get into the cell to take him out of there he cant leave him here sure he was an anarchist terrorist w a murder record but he had standards and now that schlatt wasnt in power he had nothing against him really considering he isnt a citizen of lmanberg so he manages to pick the locks enough to get him out of there, schlatts arm slung over technos shoulder they stumble out of the prison building and as they slowly make their way to the nether portal to get back to technos base, they run into tubbo and quackity, schlatts old right hand men and they try to stop techno bc hes well an anarchist terrorist w a murder record but the glare techno gives them levels them and theyre left staring at each other for a moment when schlatt 'whyre we stopped whos there tech' and techno mumbles 'tubbo and quackity schlatt' and schlatt just furrows his brows as far as he can without sending excruciating pain into his eye sockets before he purses his lips and asks 'are they going to try and stop us?' techno looks back at the other two 'no they wont, isnt that right boys?' tubbo and quackity slink away allowing techno and schlatt to the portal and them going thru, schlatt still silent as he tries not to trip over technos cape or off the ledge of the bridge passing over the lava lakes, they make it to the portal and begin the walk across the arctic tundra to technos house, philza isnt there right now so its just the two of them and techno leads him up the ladder to his room (its not really a room i think its just a bed, a bell and an enchantment table) and sits him down on his bed mumbling something abt being right back and he is with some medical supplies and a change of clothes to clean everything up, they dont talk techno works in silence and when schlatt winces he mumbles a small apology before continuing eventually techno got schlatt as cleaned up as you can get someone w horns in their eyes and a sweater to keep him warm and finally starts asking questions 'how long had u been in there' 'lost count' 'did they bring you food' 'a chests worth at the beginning of the month' techno sighs 'i thought they executed you' 'tubbo chickened out despite me being 'an active threat to our peace in lmanberg' and locked me up a few days after u set the withers loose and dropped off a chest of food once a month and most of them refused to talk to me others couldnt even make eye contact with me, other than the few instances where they said things like 'heres ur food' or 'u deserve this' or 'i cant believe tubbo let u live' i talked to no one other than myself for however long i was in there' techno stands and walks around for a moment before flipping some pages and schlatt can hear him gasp quietly in mild surprise 'what is it tech' looking in the direction he heard techno from and techno says, turning to face schlatt on his bed 'schlatt that was almost 3 months ago' a single beat of silence rings for what feels like forever 'oh. i, i didnt think itd been that long. though it would explain my current predicament' loosely gesturing towards his face 'oh right abt that i have a few questions if ur ready to answer some' schlatt hums and techno grabs a pen and paper and sits next to him in case he needs to take any notes for future reference 'how fast do ur horns normally grow' 'idk just a steady amount my whole life pretty much' 'will they ever stop growing' 'they generally stop growing around 30 and continue to grow more in width than length' 'did anyone who brought u food notice' 'they grow quickly and by the time the person w the third chest came around they were getting close to my eyes but they didnt listen to me, no one did' he sighs looking down at would be his hands 'the odds of both of my horns growing into my eyes and blinding me like this are so low but of course it would happen to me' a chuckle void of any amusement 'because losing my country and my people and my power wasnt enough already' techno stands up 'you had that coming' schlatt actually laughs this time, short and curt 'ok fair, u were the one that took me down afterall' and from then on schlatt lives w techno and phil and eventually tommy and then without tommy (tommy was Not happy when he found out that schlatt was living with techno but he needed somewhere to stay too and techno happens to live in an arctic tundra where only a handful of people know how to get to so he didnt complain too much) and eventually techno saws off schlatts horns at the bend adn removes them from his eyes bc if they kept growing into his head theyd hit his brain and kill him on top of blinding  him and techno gags and almost throws up despite not being sensitive to gore  and gives schlatt a bandanna to cover the holes in his head for everyones sake and once they heal somewhat he can find something else out and thats how they live, schlatt helps with what he can like farming w phil but mostly spends his time learning braille or something so he can read and techno gets him books in braille so he isnt bored or alone like he was in the prison and he feeds him and takes care of him and schlatt is funny and entertaining despite being blinded by something from his own body and the torture it was like to rot in a cell alone for almost a 1/4 of a year and nights when techno gets home late and hes shaken and the voices are bad schlatt will sit behind him and play with his hair and talk abt his own day and rub technos back and in return when schlatt relapses and gets violent and angry techno will wash his hair and read him stories until he calms down and hopefully asleep and no one told him the news that wilbur died so when ghostbur shows up and starts talking to him he treats him the same as he would wilbur bc he cant see that hes a ghost all thats different is his speech pattern and overall personality and one day he says 'ur different wilbur what happened to that, i dunno spark u used to have' and wilbur simply 'im not sure if im being honest a lot abt me has changed since i died, or so im told i dont remember much from when i was alive' and schlatt just 0_0 and then hes scrambling down the ladder and stumbling around the house looking for techno, finding him in the basement working on something and when he gets there hes out of breath and his hands are shaking bc holy shit wilburs not only dead but a ghost and he was just talking to me and he doesnt remember what i did and and and and techno is shocked to see schlatt in the basement and asks whats up and schlatt just 'wilbur died wilbur fucking died tech why didnt anyone tell him and now hes a ghost hes a fucking ghost who lives in ur house and doesnt remember anything he doesnt remember that he blew up lmanberg does he he remembers my name but not anything that i did what hes a fucking ghost techno hes a ghost holy fuck' and technos just standing there like ??? no one no one told him 'yea philza had to kill him after he blew up lmanberg i thought u knew thats why i didnt say anything' oh. 'phil, phil had to kill him?' 'yea its a touchy subject, dont bring it up' and simply goes back to what he was working on so schlatt sits on the ground by the ladder and listens to him work his brain going a mile a minute trying to comprehend whats going on 'would i have become a ghost if theyd chosen to execute me?' 'its hard to say im unsure if theres specific circumstances that contribuite to someone becoming a ghost but theres really no telling' and goes back to working yet again and from then on they fall into an easy schedule of techno going out and doing whatever an anarchist terrorist w a murder record does on ur average wednesday and schlatt stays home reading and organizing whatever he can based on size and feeling and sleeping in windowsills and schlatt greeting techno comes home beaten up and full of new resources and a side of bruises and cuts so he tends to them, getting better at maneuvering and functioning without needing to see then techno making dinner and then curling up by the fire for the night enjoying each others company as they talk abt their days :]

#dream smp #jschlatt #technoblade #sorry abt the lack of paragraph breaks i wrote this on discord and just copy pasted it #sorry if things dont make sense too! i just started watching a few weeks ago :] #looks at schlatt and technoblade: i just think theyre neat #also this isnt intended to be a ship au or anything but u can interpret it as whatever #fic au idea

[calumcest]

hello i don't have time to answer your messages today bc i have to go watch umbrella academy with my dad now i'm very sorry but i heard soulmate au drabbles & i need them. i miss luke being bitchy so much it's insane (not that i'm not loving all the britpop content but soulmate lashton are my life) okay so i can't decide between 'it's freezing in here' & 'i don't want to talk about it' so please write whatever you want with either of those just please make it soulmate lashton -spoiler twin

omg i hope u enjoyed umbrella academy! also dont worry about it omg no stress get to it when u get to it theres never any pressure from me god knows itd be hypocritical anyway given how terrible i am at responding to messages but i get it no pressure x 

-

Of course, it stands to reason that the first time Clifford goes missing is while Luke’s in London with Ashton. 

He’s not even sure how it happens. One minute Clifford’s in Luke’s line of vision, barking happily as he chases a squirrel and then changes his mind and chases his own tail instead, and then Ashton’s calling Luke, making Luke turn around on instinct, only to see Ashton tapping his watch to indicate they need to get going if they’re going to make it to their next interview with the researchers, and when he turns back, Clifford’s gone. 

It doesn’t immediately register, because Clifford bounds about like a fucking madman anyway, so Luke just searches the area a little lazily, eyes flicking from tree to bush to path to tree, but when he’s covered about three-quarters of the patch of grass in front of them, he’s frowning, stepping forward as he twists left to right, panic rising in his chest as he realises shit, shit, Clifford’s not there. 

“Shit,” he mutters, and looks over to the tree Clifford had been playing near, just in case he’d somehow managed to miss him, but the only dog there is a huge Samoyed ambling lazily around its base. 

“Luke,” Ashton calls again, and Luke feels a sudden stab of anger so strong that it makes his vision blur, mixing with the panic to create a hot mixture of fury that tries to claw its way up his throat and onto his tongue. God, if Ashton hadn’t called his name just to tell him they need to leave, this wouldn’t have happened. He couldn’t’ve just fucking said Luke, we need to go like a normal person, could he? No, the fucking narcissist needed Luke to be looking at him, needed to be the centre of Luke’s attention. Fucking hell. 

Luke grits his teeth as he jogs past the tree the Samoyed’s sniffing around, not even catching its attention as he passes, and looks wildly around the open, empty space on the other side. There’s a couple walking their Labrador to his left, three children playing football on his right, a mother exasperatedly dragging her screaming child away from a puddle he clearly wants to play in, but no tiny, yappy dog bounding around, chasing birds or squirrels or other dogs. 

Shit. 

Shit.

He can’t have lost Clifford. He can’t have. Not in London, especially, thousands and thousands of miles from home and Michael and Calum with only Ashton for company. God, he’d rather be alone, he thinks, as he turns back around and looks back over at the tree a little desperately, like his memory of Clifford trotting around it will make him re-materialise there, somehow. It doesn’t, though, unless Clifford re-materialises as a huge, fluffy white dog, and Luke swears under his breath as his heart hammers in his chest, fists clenching and unclenching at his side as his gaze flits from left to right and back again, hazy around the edges with panic. 

He doesn’t even know how to look for a missing dog. Posters, sure, but where? London’s huge, and Clifford could be fucking anywhere by now, full of endless energy and curiosity and an insatiable desire to explore streets he’s never been down before. He’s far too friendly for his own good, too, always yaps at Ashton’s feet in that way that means I want to be picked up right now and by you specifically, fuck the guy who buys me food and toys and cuddles me at night, and a vision of Clifford sat at someone else’s feet at dinner, blinking up at them beseechingly while they shovel chicken into their mouth hits Luke so hard it almost gives him whiplash, makes him swallow back bile. 

What’s he going to say to Ashton? I lost my dog in the three seconds I looked away from him? Ashton’s had Spot for years, had Ralph and Evie before her, too, and he’s never lost any of his dogs. Luke’s going to look completely incompetent, fucking hell. It doesn’t matter, though, really, he tells himself - at least, not yet, won’t matter until Clifford’s back with him and safe again. 

He takes a deep breath and clenches his fists again, inhales deeply and exhales heavily, trying to let the desire to throttle Ashton leave with the air in his lungs, and then marches stiffly back around the tree, rehearsing what he’s going to say to Ashton. You cunt, Clifford ran away while you were- no, too angry. Clifford’s run awa- no, too matter-of-fact, makes it sound like it’s a common occurrence. I need to find Clifford, maybe? That’s vague enough, isn’t it? Yeah, that’ll do; he can send Ashton off to the interview and let him make their excuses while he combs the park looking for Clifford. After all, it’s Ashton’s fucking fault Clifford’s got lost, isn’t it? The least the fucker can do is come up with an excuse for Luke’s absence.

Luke takes another deep breath, rounds the corner and plays the words over and over again in his head, trying to make sure they’re practiced enough to sound real, eyes searching for Ashton. He spots him waiting by the gate leading out of the park, looking aimlessly around as he stands lazily, shifting from foot to foot, arms at his side, dog between his legs- 

Dog between his legs. 

Clifford’s right there, nestled happily between Ashton’s legs, gazing aimlessly around the park with his tongue hanging out and his tail wagging. He looks serene, that calm happiness that he usually only gets with Luke, and it makes Luke furious for some reason, makes him jog over to Ashton with an expression that makes Ashton frown at him as soon as he sees him coming. 

“What?” Ashton asks, puzzled, brows drawn over hazel eyes. Luke swallows, trying not to think about the way Ashton’s lashes are casting tiny shadows on the smooth skin of his cheekbones. He still wants to throttle him. 

“Nothing,” he says tightly, and yanks Clifford’s lead out of Ashton’s hand without so much as a thank you, relief flooding his veins so fast and hard that he barely even notices the way his fingers tingle as they make contact with Ashton’s skin. 

“What happened?” Ashton sounds genuinely concerned, like maybe Luke had been mugged while he’d been running wildly around the field - Jesus, Luke thinks, with a tiny grimace; he must have looked fucking insane to Ashton. 

“Nothing,” Luke snaps, and winds Clifford’s lead around his hand a few times, making sure he can’t stray further than a foot from Luke’s heels. Clifford glares up at him, like he knows what Luke’s doing and resents him for restricting his freedom, but doesn’t bark about it, which is something. 

“Are you okay?” Ashton asks, and his voice is a little softer now, tinged with the sort of gentle concern that Luke only ever hears from Calum to Michael. It makes Luke’s stomach lurch, somehow, the way he associates that tone with Calum and Michael, and he nods curtly, and looks away from Ashton.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Luke says, letting all the anger and frustration leak into his voice to hide the slight edge of fear, and Ashton bites his lip but nods, and steps away. 

“Alright,” he says, and that’s it. He doesn’t push, he doesn’t nudge, he doesn’t wheedle, he doesn’t force it out of Luke, he just steps back, steps away, and respects Luke’s space. A wave of guilt washes over Luke at that - it hadn’t really been Ashton’s fault, had it? - but he stares steadfastly ahead of him as he reaches for the gate and pulls it open with a little more force than strictly necessary. Ashton lets him go through first, lets him tug on Clifford’s lead and pull him through too, before walking behind him, closing the gate and falling into step a metre or two away from Luke, giving him the space he needs. 

They walk in silence for a while, Ashton ambling alongside Luke as he tries to focus on his ebbing anger, trying to dredge it back to the forefront of his heart so he won’t have to think about the guilt that’s quietly but insistently making a home in it. Loath though he is to admit it to himself, Luke has to concede that it wouldn’t have been Ashton’s fault if Clifford had run away. And it’s not Ashton’s fault that Clifford had run to him instead of Luke, that he’s happy and calm with him in the same way he is with Luke, but it doesn’t stop the tired anger spiking in Luke’s veins a little when he thinks about it, furious at the idea that Clifford could possibly like Ashton. But it’s not Ashton’s fault. 

Luke doesn’t say anything, can’t bring himself to apologise for his bad mood and his unwarranted snappiness, but by the time they arrive at the interview, still not having spoken a word, he realises that the gap between himself and Ashton has narrowed to all of a few centimetres, his hand brushing against Ashton’s every so often as they walk, and he can’t remember whether it had been him or Ashton who had closed the gap.

(It doesn’t really matter, though, he realises with a jolt, because either way, he’d allowed it to happen.)

#lashton #soulmate au #is that my tag for it #no idea but it is now #drabbles #spoiler twin #again this is like a full on fic in its own right but we know what im like #Anonymous #helen answers

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Ronnie

Ali: [The day of but later] Ali: I convinced that man not to press charges or anything, the one that got involved Ali: so you don't need to worry about that Ronnie: wasnt Ronnie: tell someone who is Ali: 'course Ali: talking isn't the most useful thing for me to do right now so I'll pass Ronnie: go be useful then little girl Ali: I'm sorry he brought you Ali: that's fucked up Ronnie: course you are Ronnie: youre all well sorry now like Ali: For you, not myself, or ourselves Ronnie: no shit pity works with the rest of your brothers and sisters Ronnie: youre fucked up Ali: How so? Ronnie: show and tells over Ali: I hope it made you feel better Ronnie: bullshit Ronnie: none of you give a fuck how I feel Ali: yeah I do Ronnie: wheres it been Ali: you're meant to wait for the kid to make the first move, that's rule #1 Ronnie: if you wanna play by the rules Ali: so I've lost points, that's fine Ali: you don't want us to care, right? Ronnie: the way your family is im almost old enough to be your ma Ronnie: bit fucking late yeah Ali: You do have a solid decade on her, yeah Ali: I'm a late bloomer, clearly Ronnie: ill leave it to her to be proud Ali: a big ask, but I'll survive without Ronnie: like I said Ronnie: fucked Ali: Yeah, a fair bit Ali: nothing to shout about, or that hasn't been now Ronnie: you wanted a first move Ali: It was a choice Ronnie: nah Ronnie: a reaction Ali: That too Ali: like I said, hope it was what you needed it to be? Ronnie: ask him Ali: you just did it for Joe? Ronnie: why else Ronnie: none of you mean shit to me Ali: but he does, yeah Ronnie: connect the dots Ronnie: I bothered to carve each one out Ali: I can tell he loves you Ali: do you love him Ronnie: hes that fucking soft Ali: you do Ali: alright, that's something Ronnie: fuck you youve known him all your life and you dont Ronnie: theres no telling me how I feel Ali: I don't know him or I don't love him? Ronnie: have it both ways Ronnie: he tells it either way Ali: I probably don't know him now Ali: I'll allow that Ali: that's how he wants it so you don't have to defend him like I'm saying I do Ali: or that I'll force it, when he's been so clear Ronnie: hes the last person I can be arsed to defend Ronnie: but no shit he gets everything he wants Ali: What were you after Ali: we disown him Ali: or strongarm him into rehab and therapy Ronnie: yeah Ive got everything crossed for sobriety Ronnie: fucks sake Ali: disowning then, he's done it to us Ali: it won't happen the other way 'round, sorry to say Ronnie: give him your fucking sorry Ronnie: he was the one begging me to ruin it all Ali: close enough that he should still be happy Ali: I'm not sorry for him Ali: I already said, he shouldn't have used you like that Ronnie: thats what happens theres no fucking 💘 and 🥀 Ali: no one deserves that Ronnie: I am no one Ali: You aren't Ali: don't have to be Ronnie: people like their junkies part time or useful or repentant Ronnie: fuck that Ali: that's not your whole gig Ronnie: you don't know shit Ronnie: youre not under my skin or in my head Ali: I know enough to know that's bullshit Ali: if anyone was just their addictions and vices, you wouldn't need them Ronnie: yeah youre the smart one Ronnie: he told me Ali: He's the one at the fancy arts school Ali: how does he reconcile that with being the junkie one Ronnie: youre 16 theres no uni thatd take you yet Ronnie: happy birthday for whenever the fuck it was Ali: Thanks Ali: about a month ago Ali: extend the invite next time Ronnie: dont Ronnie: I wont show Ali: you haven't heard how great my parties are yet Ronnie: I aint a childrens entertainer Ali: be cool if you were Ali: have a heart attack when you showed up Ronnie: next time I need a few quid ill try and remember Ronnie: make you proud of me Ali: probably leave that to Joe, and your friends and fam Ali: but I know how to make balloon animals so hmu Ronnie: course you do Ronnie: youre the target market for hippy crack Ali: awh Ali: how true Ronnie: no shit Ronnie: how long you been in the youngest ones adhd meds Ali: not really my thing Ali: need to calm my brain, not stimulate it harder Ronnie: 💔 Ali: how'd you know about that Ali: doesn't seem like the sort of pillowtalk he'd be about Ronnie: i was in care i know what an kid with adhd looks like Ronnie: and theyve tried to diagnose me as everything but a west little bastard Ali: he's shit scared right now Ronnie: be fucked if he werent Ali: yeah Ali: he doesn't really know Joe Ali: was like 4 when he went to Uni so Ali: proper boogeyman shit Ronnie: mckenna will love that Ronnie: real boner for the misery Ali: someone should get something out of it Ali: he can pay for his therapy later Ali: more meds, whatever Ronnie: ill tell him to put in his will Ali: try not to die Ronnie: itd be the ultimate misery boner Ronnie: why should he stop getting what he wants now Ali: yeah, you do love him Ali: but hate him too Ronnie: 💘🥀 Ali: Is he worth it? Ronnie: youre describing freckles and the princess you know that yeah Ronnie: me and her dont share every dysfunction Ali: Nah, they don't hate each other Ali: loads of other stuff, people Ali: very them vs everyone Ronnie: she hates that she needs him Ronnie: that he makes her soft Ronnie: close enough Ali: You reckon? Ali: Hmm Ronnie: first rule of tortured kids club Ali: it's why she loves him too Ali: you'd understand if her sister had been there Ali: she's got no one to make her soft, I tried but Ronnie: gutted she werent there then Ali: you wouldn't like her any more than she'd like you Ali: it'd be fitting, but no fun Ronnie: thats the fun Ronnie: I hate you all Ali: I see the appeal Ronnie: have a go Ronnie: hate me Ali: I see your appeal Ali: why would I hate you? Ali: Fraze does and he's having the least fun of all Ronnie: you see what you fucking wanna Ronnie: youd have to know me to know if I had any appeal Ali: Then I'm a spoilt hippy brat, as you like it Ali: you'd have to do worse for me to hate you Ali: not my MO Ronnie: not wasting another flight on it Ronnie: kill your own ma Ali: then I'm good for it Ali: sorry again Ali: you did what you set out to do, making me 💔 wasn't part of it Ronnie: stop fucking apologising Ali: it offends you? Ronnie: I did what mckenna cant do for his fucking self being a useless pussy from cradle to grave Ronnie: he is under my skin and in my veins like it or not Ali: yeah, and my apology is worth a damn when you've got problems that big Ali: alright, I won't say it no more Ronnie: if it was for me Id have done it at 10 14 fucking 18 even Ali: 'course, you got fucked over at birth Ali: no other straws needed Ali: his is more of a slowburn of bullshit Ronnie: yeah Ali: I don't know what he's told you, or how much you care about it Ali: but they've always been like it, Fraze too Ali: we have no idea and they went through so much more Ali: but Joe's only got 5 on me, so that says all you really need to know Ronnie: thats lads for you Ronnie: cant handle any pain unless they glorify it Ali: or co-opt it Ali: if you don't wanna be like them, tell him to get his own Ronnie: Im not like them thats why he likes me Ronnie: it aint my winning smile Ronnie: helps that I look like you and your ma course hes that sick Ali: He's hated them both ever since Bea came around, then when we moved her, like it was for her Ali: he's spoilt, like you said Ali: but I really think he is sick, too Ronnie: no shit Ronnie: were both sick Ali: yeah Ali: maybe you'll wanna get help someday Ronnie: for what Ronnie: theres no happy ever after here Ali: to not be sick Ronnie: nice try little girl Ronnie: not gonna get cured Ali: yeah, well has to seem better than sick Ali: that's a big ask Ali: I can't imagine not getting to do the drugs I do, and that's everyone Ronnie: it's like being in a relationship yeah sometimes it makes you feel good sometimes it dont Ronnie: cant fix shit though Ronnie: the rots too deep and its already set in Ronnie: long before I took a hit Ali: That's medication for you Ronnie: thats pain for you Ali: Yeah Ronnie: if I cant cut it out Ill cut her out of me Ronnie: her face outta mine Ali: It's DNA Ali: everything and nothing Ronnie: if she's in my blood ill spill it all Ronnie: theres fuck all point keeping it on the inside Ali: It's a waste of you Ali: the you that ain't her Ronnie: I am the waste Ronnie: ive had enough kids scraped out of me it aint hard Ali: She believed in the happily ever after you don't Ali: more fool her Ronnie: she got it Ali: she wanted it with you Ronnie: bullshit Ali: She did, she loved your biological dad, basically as many years as she'd been about Ali: she didn't just not get an abortion because she was scared Ronnie: she wanted it with him then Ronnie: I was along for the ride til I got dumped out Ronnie: if she wanted me id fucking be there Ali: she could've tried Ali: yeah Ali: you would've got taken away though Ronnie: so what Ali: just that, she wasn't allowed to keep you, she was a 14 year old with no parent, they'd have separated you and put you into different care homes Ali: happened to her friend Ronnie: I was a 14 year old with no parents either Ronnie: and a 4 year old Ronnie: 4 months Ronnie: however the fuck far back you wanna go Ronnie: I still found ways to get shit that I wanted Ali: Yeah, I know Ali: you had enough to eat and a bed with a roof over your head Ali: you wouldn't have if you'd had her, if that was even possible, somehow Ronnie: no I fucking didnt Ronnie: not always Ali: if you were in a home Ali: more than a squat where no fucker pays the bills or gets groceries over smack, you know the situation Ronnie: I know it helps her sleep at night Ronnie: this story Ali: you don't have to add it to your narrative if it fucks with your peace Ali: ask Joe Ali: if he reckons he remembers everything back in Liverpool, he'll remember Ronnie: I dont need to ask him cos his story is that she blinked and her life was so fucking sorted that she pushed a shit ton more kids out Ronnie: where the fuck was I Ronnie: nowhere Ronnie: youre my fucking replacement is why Ali: she could've got you when she got Bea and Ro Ali: I don't know how old you were then, 13? Ali: they might've said she was sorted enough, maybe Ali: it was more, this girl has been abused and you're a friend she trusts who is willing to foster her so let's shove her at you and get her out, it wasn't happy families Ronnie: no need when theres already loads of shiny white kids to mother and 2 less shiny to play saviour too Ali: I could ask Ali: I was a toddler, and it wasn't my bedtime story too, believe it or nah Ronnie: luck of the irish Ali: I'll take 50% Ronnie: her sob story is as fucking useless to me as mckennas misery boners are Ali: 💔 Ali: very convincing performance in that case Ronnie: fuck you Ali: why Ronnie: if you have to ask youre not listening Ali: I meant the part where you necked on with him Ronnie: why not Ali: 'cos his boners are a letdown, obvs Ronnie: I dont need him to make me feel good Ronnie: and he fucking wishes he could do as good of a job as the shit that does Ali: thank God Ronnie: he wanted the shock factor thats me baby Ali: assumed that was his intention Ali: he stopped showing up as himself ages ago though, that was, not more shocking but impactful, let's say Ali: if he wasn't so obviously out of it, he might've known that we knew Ronnie: he wanted to stop showing up full stop Ronnie: til he gets shipped back in a ⚰ Ronnie: and reckoned thatd be the final nail for you all us fucking Ali: and us younger ones are dramatic, hilarious Ali: who doesn't want to get away from home? Ali: Tommy has been since he was 11, Bea went to Cambridge, Ro will too, Fraze only didn't because Bea told him he wasn't allowed to follow her Ali: I'm planning on Singapore, myself Ronnie: hes too pussy to handle being away from me Ronnie: or what I get like when he isnt in my fucking face Ronnie: that bit wasnt about you lot as much like Ali: it's how it goes Ali: that's why people get knocked up, get married, get fabulous careers, so you can have an excuse for why you can't make this weekend, will try to pop in for this event but end up just sending a card Ali: it's weird it's you, of course, you're both sick, duh, but look at it objectively Ali: it's your version of 2.4 kids and a dog Ronnie: he dont want me to slit my own throat or anyone elses but his more fool him Ronnie: cant knock me up or marry me thank christ Ronnie: I like that the dog is smack thats well poetic Ali: I'll have a go at writing it Ali: if you want a null and void illegal wedding too, I'll write those vows and all Ronnie: ill stick it in a song if you want better than happy birthday Ronnie: fuck that i belong to no one Ronnie: theres loads more fun illegal shit to do Ali: you write songs too? Ali: just don't let Joe play cello on it Ali: if depression had a 🎵 Ronnie: id lose money if i begged with him Ronnie: fucking hell Ronnie: looks pathetic enough but thats all Ali: very child actor vibes, or rockstar's kid Ali: you had it all and you pissed it all the wall Ali: not here's a couple of quid for a warm cup of coffee and a sarnie, no Ronnie: i can see his face hearing that Ronnie: id have to take a brick to it Ali: yeah, he probably hates me Ali: not as much as Fraze, didn't have the toddler clout to make us move to Dublin, bit rude Ronnie: you're in his way Ali: of what Ronnie: 💉 Ali: that's his hangup Ali: like I said, no one is forcing him to do shit here Ali: guilt's part and parcel of 💚 and 💉 ain't it Ronnie: youre not telling me shit I dont know Ronnie: hes the one shitting himself hes gonna get chucked in rehab Ronnie: nobodys coming to take me nowhere Ali: I get it Ali: she's shit at turning up Ali: tell her to work on it Ronnie: do what you want Ronnie: far as sisterly advice what ive got is dont ask me for a shot unless youre after a habit Ali: lecturing ain't my gig rn, she loves a bit of it so honestly no need when her 🧠 will be full of the 💔 Ali: cheers, I'll stick to the just saying no of it all Ronnie: get the money up front when you are gigging Ronnie: and take care of the kid when you aint Ali: I will, I do Ali: he's got a few years to grow before I'm going anywhere Ronnie: yeah Ali: and my wife might stay and they're best friends Ronnie: she was the one trying to rival us for most high Ali: ✌💚💉 Ali: it was a party before you walked in Ali: which I'm aware was very much the idea Ali: can I give you a tattoo I'm good Ronnie: go ahead Ronnie: not gonna be here long like Ali: where do you wanna meet, my rig is way portable Ronnie: [a place nearby wherever they are cos god knows but I doubt Joe wants to see Ali and she aint gonna tell him that's where she's going LOL] Ali: 👍 Ali: about 25 on my 🚲 Ronnie: reckon i can stay alive til then

[shhh-no-ones-home]

give what it takes* 1/2 Remington leith x reader

+++++++++

hello i still hate writing for actual people but ya girls gotta do what ya girls gotta do, i love palaye and ive been like super obsessed with them again lately cause im seeing them in may and just bought their palette and cant stop thinking about it so ya know here it is #noshame #someshame

* - smut, mentions of sex, mention of kinks, thigh riding, etc. Read at your own risk

song: get some by ghosted

+++++++++

the concert ended but the party didnt. i was lucky enough to be on tour with palaye but still had work to do when the shows were over. it was a week we had stops that were close enough together to stay at an air b&b for the night, which was nice since i could finally sit down and get things done. we had all went back to the house after the concert to get cleaned up, the boys being extremely sweaty from the stage lights and high energy performance. i sat at the island typing as they all ran around getting ready for the night ahead of them. i sat quietly as they conversed with their girlfriends who were visiting for the weekend.

i looked up when remington threw himself into the bar stool across the counter from me. he smiled at me before picking up one of the apples from the bowl on the counter and tossing it in the air. he took a large bite out of it as emerson walked out into the kitchen/living room.

"you going with us tonight?"

i looked down at my laptop to scan my work before looking back at him.

"i dont think so, its already eleven and ive got too much work to do tonight."

he frowned at me before gesturing to remington.

"you coming?"

rem looked at me and i peered at him over my laptop.

"ya know what, why dont you guys go ahead, ill stay here and help y/n."

i looked up completely, shock written on my features.

"you dont have to do that rem, you should go and have fun."

his 'girlfriend' walked up to his side and played with his hair.

"yeah remi, come have fun with us, she doesnt need your help to do her job."

she peered at me and i sent her a stern glare.

he rubbed her back.

"why dont you go hang out with them, ill be right here when you get back."

she leaned down and kissed him and led the way for them all to leave. when the door was closed me and remi were the only two left in the house. he tapped the counter as i went back to typing.

"so, its been a while since we were alone together."

i looked up at him.

"yep."

i went back to typing.

"whatcha doin over there?"

"fixing lighting."

"whats wrong with the lighting?"

i looked up at him and raised an eyebrow.

"the yellows and greens where washing Emerson out the whole show. i have to fix the positioning on my renderings for the next venue."

he nodded and made an o with his mouth. i went back to typing.

"is there anything else you have to fix?"

i looked up at him.

"a couple things."

"like?"

i sighed.

"remington if you keep asking me questions im not gonna get anything done."

i laughed lightly and he smiled at me, throwing his hands in the air in defeat.

"okay, okay, if you want help with anything let me know, im gonna go chill on the couch."

he motioned behind him and i nodded before getting back to work.

---

i sighed and stretched, i had been sitting on this bar stool for almost two hours. none of the group had showed back up yet and remington was still sitting on the couch scrolling through his phone. i closed my laptop as i heard him laugh out loud at something he saw on his feed. i rolled my eyes before standing and shaking out my legs.

"god, i feel like ive been curled over forever."

he turned to look at me as i made my way to the couch, sitting on the arm rest next to him. he slid down the settings on his phone to look at the time more clearly.

"well, in all fairness you have been sitting on your computer for over two hours, its one."

i groaned.

"yeah, im surprised no ones back yet."

he stretched and clasped his hands together behind his head, lengthening his body.

"im not, when the boys drink, the boys drink."

he laughed and i just shook my head.

"whatever."

he nudged my leg with his elbow.

"do you wanna do something now that your work is done?"

i shrugged and let my legs fall on either side of the arm rest.

"what did you have in mind?"

i looked down at him, seeing him quickly opening youtube then shoving his phone in my face.,

"look at this."

i leaned back a little before taking it and watching the video. i looked at remington funny.

"really?"

he shrugged.

"what?"

i turned the phone around to show him.

"boy out here on the weird side of youtube."

he laughed and took the phone back.

"i mean you didnt have to take it."

i rolled my eyes.

"yeah but i was curious."

he raised an eyebrow and smirked at me.

"arent we all."

i winked at him.

"you know it."

he leaned toward me and rested his arm on my thigh, smacking my knee with his hand. i shifted.

"what?"

i shook my head.

"nothing."

he tapped my my knee with his fingers like he was playing a keyboard. i watched his hand intently before looking back at him staring at me. he raised an eyebrow.

"okay maybe im just a little touch starved."

i ran a hand through my hair and looked away from him. he scooted closer to me.

"touch starved?"

i looked back at him and nodded slowly. he locked eyes with me and squeezed my lower thigh.

"are you okay?"

i shrugged.

"i just dont touch people or let people touch me and thats one of the leading reasons im depressed and sick all the time. like adult humans need affection and hugs and kisses and things like that but i cut myself off so i dont really get the things that my brain needs to be happy."

i looked ahead of me, i didnt care to see his pity ridden face. suddenly he moved and hugged me tightly from the side, his left ear pressed to my right arm.

"do you feel better yet?"

i laughed.

"yes rem, definitely."

i ruffled his hair lightly with my left hand and he looked up at me but didnt remove his arms from my body.

"liar."

i slouched into him.

"okay, its not like you can fix it right away."

he loosened his grip a little before kneeling next to me on the couch and squishing my face in his hands.

"what else would you want me to try?"

i shrugged.

"did you ever used to try things to feel better? like find one person to hug everyday or something?"

i laughed and he let go of my face. i just shook my head,

"what?"

i looked at him knowingly.

"sex. i used to have sex."

his face went straight.

"sex."

i nodded.

"yeah, i used to have sex to make myself feel better, it was intimate and 'affectionate' touching for at least a night. in case you haven't noticed though i havent been with anyone since we started plans for tour months ago so yeah theres nothing i can really do about that."

he sat back on his knees defeated.

"i guess you couldnt masturbate either cause thats still not another person touching you, that you touching yourself."

he looked at me with a straight face before we both laughed. he laid back on the couch, his feet pushed up against the arm rest i was sitting on. he rested one hand behind his head and the other on his stomach.

"so, did you just find random dudes or?"

i sent him a look.

"really, thats what your worried about right now?"

he shrugged.

"i figured it was a ligther topic i dont know."

i just shook my head.

"no they werent just random dudes, you gotta have a connection first ya know. they were people that i had hung out with before, kind of close but not enough for them to care if we slept together and then didnt talk for a little while ya know. it was always easier that way cause i knew who wanted a screw and who wanted more depending on the mood i was in."

he raised a brow.

"particular people for particular kinks or turn ons?"

i smiled at him.

"yeah sometimes."

"like?"

"like people or like turn ons and kinks?"

"turn ons and kinks, i couldnt care less about the people."

i laughed at the face he made.

"what you want a reference?"

"just trying to see what kind of person youre hiding under that hard exterior."

i raised a brow and smirked at him.

"okay, well for starters id say soft touches."

he laughed.

"wow, soft touches?"

"dont laugh, its a turn on, start light and build up ya know."

"youre right, continue."

"neck fetish, not just like i like necks im talking like hickeys and kissing and licking, weird vampire shit ya know."

"amen to that."

i laughed at him.

"thigh riding-"

"im sorry what?"

"thigh riding?"

"yeah what the hell kinda?"

i lifted my foot up on the couch so it wasnt dangling in front of it anymore.

"its where you are on someones lap or like knelt over one of their thighs while their sitting down and grind yourself on them to get off. i guess in my instance making out with someone while they touch me, but while thats happening im riding their thigh.? "

"that sounds like itd be an  experience."

i looked at him with a sly smile.

"oh it is."

there was a pause.

"can you show me?"

if i was drinking i would have spat all over the place.

"you what?"

"can you should me? i mean your on the arm of the chair, you could do it on that right?"

i laughed.

"do you know how wet that would make someone? the couch would be near ruined."

i laughed.

"so do it on me."

i stopped and looked at him, he was staring up at me with a very serious face.

"You're joking right?"

"What's wrong with two friends hooking up?"

I shrugged.

"I don't know how about the fact that you kinda have a girlfriend."

"Oh come on no one here even likes her, not even me, and we're not really dating she's just like around."

I rolled my eyes.

"Tell her that."

"I'm telling you that, now get over here and show what the heck thigh riding is."

#wattpad #smut #x reader #remington leith #remington kropp #palaye royale #palaye royale imagine #one shot #thigh riding

[golden-van-fleet]

Your Song

Summary: Gwilym has loved you for a long time and will continue to.

Word Count: ~2.2k

A/N: Hi! I needed to write about Gwilym. I’m not sure about the format? Also on mobile for this one. Enjoy!

It’s a little bit funny, this feeling inside

I’m not one of those who can easily hide

Despite Gwilym being an actor, his fatal flaw was his inability to hide what was on his mind. The entire world knew how he felt about you, except for, well, you. It made his stomach turn, to see you with a man that wasn’t him, holding his hand, kissing his cheek, calling him “babe”. He hoped, wished, and prayed desperately to be that man.

I don’t have much money, but boy if I did

I’d buy a big house where we both could live

He knew you wanted a big house in the countryside. It’d been your dream for as long as either of you could remember. In fact, it was the first thing he bought with his paycheck from Bohemian Rhapsody. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t dream of the two of you living there like Allie and Noah in The Notebook. He didn’t want to buy your love, per se, but if he could afford what you wanted, he wanted to be able to spoil you. For only being your best friend, he treated you a hell of a lot better than that boyfriend of yours ever could. Any of them, really.

And it wasn’t lost on you. You’d lost a couple boyfriends because they felt they couldn’t compete with Gwilym, and they couldn’t. Gwilym was over the top for you and only for you. When he bought the house, you were stunned. He constantly had you over, one of the guest rooms unofficially becoming your room. You’d been by his side before the fame and the fortune, it was only fair in his eyes that you were still there after it.

If I was a sculptor, but then again, no

Or a man who makes potions in a traveling show

I know it’s not much but it’s the best I can do

My gift is my song and this one’s for you

Every performance he did as Brian May was with you in mind. Gwilym was willing to go to the ends of the earth to prove that he was worthy of your love, to prove to you that he was the one you needed. He knew, rationally, you never needed a man to be happy or to succeed. He also knew, selfishly, that he was the one for you. This was a man willing to bend over backwards for you at any given moment, knowing you would do the same.

And you can tell everybody that this is your song

It may be quite simple but now that it’s done

I hope you don’t mind,

I hope you don’t mind that I put down in words

How wonderful life is, now you’re in the world

The day you met was a day he’d never forget. Your eyes piercing back into his own, a stare that sent a delicious shiver down his spine. It wasn’t a malicious stare, it was one of amusement. You were working at a local coffee shop while finishing your bachelor’s degree around the same time Gwilym began filming one of many up and coming projects. He’d come in with an agenda, a man on a mission, but when his eyes met yours, he babbled like an infant. You were so kind, you didn’t make fun of him, you smiled a little and let him compose himself.

Ever since that day, he made a point to visit you at work, seated at one of the tables in the corner as long as he could be without disturbing you, your coworkers, or the other patrons. You found it sweet, and your heart ached to get to know him.

So you did. He’d been to your apartment more times than the members of your family had over the course of the next year. It was around that year mark Gwilym realized he couldn’t live without you. It was also around the time you’d started your string of terrible boyfriends.

Gwilym couldn’t thank you enough for changing his quality of life. You breathed a life into everything that he’d never been able to find. Life by your side was beautiful. You never let him dwell on the bad, and as hard as it could be to find the good sometimes, he always tried. If not for his sake, then for yours.

I sat on the roof, and kicked off the moss

Well, a few of the verses, well they’ve got me quite cross

He had to tell you. He couldn’t say it to your face, but he couldn’t not say it to your face. He wrote letter after letter, page after page, hoping that something, anything would encapsulate his feelings about you. Late night after late night, he failed to document exactly what he wanted to say. He didn’t want to plan out what he wanted to say, but he needed it to be everything he’d had on his mind for years.

When you showed up at his door during one of those late nights, he told himself as soon as he opened the door he’d tell you. What he didn’t expect was to see you sobbing, throwing yourself at him. He caught you before you could hit the floor, catching a glimpse of you before you buried your face into his shoulder. Your eyes were puffy and swollen with tears, your face red and stained with tear tracks. It absolutely broke his heart.

“He broke up with me,” you whimpered. “Almost two years, I thought I was going to marry this man, and then suddenly I’m not good enough?”

But if only you knew how good enough you were. Gwilym saw the sun rise and set within you. You were the very center of his universe. He couldn’t tell you now, you’d just had your heart broken. He could try, in vain, to tell you how wonderful he found you and about the total joy you brought to his life, but his dark secret would have to wait a little longer.

You climbed out onto the roof outside the guest room window, the full moon hanging bright above your head. There was a gentle, almost imperceptible breeze floating through the summer night. This was your favorite part of the house. It was your hideaway, wrapped around the back of the house with a full view of the river in the background. It felt as though time stood still when you were there. You found yourself lost in the peacefulness of it all until Gwilym squeezed himself through the window frame to sit with you.

“He thought you and I had something going on on the side. I told him that you were my best friend, that you always would be, that without you there is no me. And he was jealous.” You sniffled, the tears of sadness now transformed to tears of resentment. “But maybe he had a reason to be jealous. You’re all I need in my life.”

Gwilym was nothing short of stunned. That was the first time in his life that he was utterly lost for words.

“I- I can’t be your rebound, Y/N. I’ve loved you for far too long to let myself be who builds you up for someone else to tear back down. You mean too much to me for that.” He felt a tear slip down his cheek. His heart was on the line. As much as he wanted to be with you immediately, to hold you in his arms and never let go, he couldn’t. Not right now.

“I’m not saying I want to jump from him to you. But I did a lot of thinking on the drive over here. You’ve always been there for me. You’ve been this support, this rock, and I can’t help but feel I’ve taken it for granted. And for that, I’m so sorry. I know the way you look at me when I’m not looking because I look at you the same way. I always have. And maybe I was too afraid of ruining what we had built up so beautifully. Rome wasn’t built in a day, but they were laying bricks every hour, and that’s what we did. We’re still doing it. So if you’ll let me, I’d like to keep building it, I want to know that it’s not going to go away after tonight.”

He forced himself to look at you, your eyes burning with unshed tears. It would never go away. It couldn’t.

But the sun’s been quite kind while I wrote this song

It’s for people like you that keep it turned on

Over the course of the following months, your relationship bloomed into the blossom it was destined to be. The dark cloud that hung over Gwilym’s head had finally given way to the warm rays of the sun, and he embraced them fully. Loving you was diving head first into a pool that had no bottom. There was always a new depth to be reached, and when he thought he’d reached his capacity, there was always more.

You noticed the change, welcomed it, and encouraged it. Gwilym was finally back to the man he was when you first met. The man that you thought you were going to fall in love with. However, you’d hung that up when he brought over one of his girlfriends, unannounced, to your flat the night you were going to tell him how you felt. It crushed you, but you couldn’t tell him that. To know that now, it wouldn’t happen again, he was yours? It was heaven in and of itself.

So excuse me forgetting, but these things I do

You see I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue

Anyway the thing is what I really mean

Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen

He had to ask you to marry him. He made up his mind before the two of you had even been together six months. It took half a lifetime, or so he thought, to get with you in the first place. Hell, you’d moved in together after two months together, what difference would it make?

He found himself in the same position he was years and years prior, back in that tiny coffee shop. Your eyes were focused intently on his, your smile kind and your hand relaxed in his. Gwilym was in his element, at home, alone, with you. And there, in the comfort of your shared bed, he was going to ask you to be his wife, and he couldn’t choke the words out. All he could do was present you with the ring first.

“Marry me. Please,” he added, softening what sounded like a demand.

“Easily,” you smiled, pulling his face towards yours and locking your lips into a breathless kiss. “I would marry you a million times over.”

He found himself in the same predicament when it came to your vows.

“I’m not usually one to forget what I’m saying before I say it, but you look so beautiful I can’t help myself,” he began, chuckling as he bashfully wiped away a tear. “I had this whole thing planned about how you were the one for me and I knew from the moment I met you, but even to this day you render me speechless. So forgive me if I cut this a bit short, but I’d really love to call you my wife sooner rather than later.”

And you can tell everybody this is your song

It may be quite simple, but now that it's done

I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind that I put down in words

How wonderful life is while you're in the world

When your daughter was born with your bright, beautiful eyes, Gwilym cried more than he ever thought he would. He was so gentle with her, so gentle with you… You couldn’t love him more if you tried.

Despite having your eyes, your daughter was Gwilym’s clone. She had her father wrapped around her tiny little finger from the first cry she let out the day she was born. Gwilym immediately switched into protective dad mode, refusing to let her go without a fight. Unless she was going to you, of course. But even that took a little convincing.

One night, about three weeks after she was born, Gwilym got up in the middle of the night to tend to her. He took the wailing newborn out of her bassinet in your bedroom to the rocking chair in what would be her nursery.

“Alright, love, it’s okay.” He’d done everything he could think of to soothe her and nothing was working, and the last thing he wanted to do was wake you. He unbuttoned the front of her onesie, placing the newborn over his heart. He’d been told to try skin to skin bonding whenever he could, and by some miracle, it calmed her down.

Gwilym didn’t realize he was humming until he started to sing lyrics to a song he didn’t realize he knew.

I hope you don't mind,

I hope you don't mind that I put down in words

How wonderful life is while you're in the world

Your song had had its share of wrong notes and tweaked lyrics. It conveyed a full spectrum of emotions, highlighting the ups and the downs that came with life and love. Your song was unique, and Gwilym was blessed to share it with you.

#gwilym lee #gwilym lee imagine #gwil #gwilym lee fanfiction #gwilym lee fluff #dad!gwilym

[dont-follow-me-im-scared]

My worst goodbye

Per my therapist request im "journaling" breakup I guess. I mean its been a long time coming but this time it was real and needed to this might be long but here goes:

The force,

I dont even know where to start so I'll start from the begining. The night I met you, when I walked into that bar I had no intention of meeting my soul mate. Yes soul mate. I never believed in them until I met you. But after 9 long years ive learned sometimes we meet our soul mate and we dont get to keep them. I had quite a bit to drink, see you didnt know this but I was 19 I just looked old enough to be there and I had gotten divorced a few months before my world would be forever rocked and changed. The night carried on the christmas air was no match for the drink and the long sleeve I had on. I removed layers the more I drank and I stayed close to the bar. This tall man with the bluest eyes id ever seen was taking care of my drink needs but young me saw a mountain I wanted to climb. I was informed you were married when the regulars realized my attention wasnt going anywhere but you. I flashed the bar (dumb kid is probably what you thought) but everyone in there knew it was for you. Hell I said I wouldnt do it unless you were there. The night carried on, my friends were restless trying to protect whatever modesty they felt I had that night. I wanted to go to the after party I was told youd be attending. They refused and wanted to get me home. Closing time was coming. I wrote my number on a napkin and waited. You went back towards the bathrooms and I knew somehow in my awe struck drunken stuper that was my chance. I walked back caught you right at the end of the hall. Do you remember what I said? I can. The words and moment is forever burned into my brain. "I can keep a secret". Slipped my number into your front pocket smooth as fuck. Which isnt me. But you know that right? Because after that night you saw sides of me no one was ever allowed to see. You saw me grow as a person and into a woman. That was the begining of the end. That singular moment with rumple on my breathe as I stood on my tip toes to lean as close to your ear as I could when I spoke those words. I took in how you smelled. I had no idea soon that smell would be my favorite and put my spirit at ease.

I woke up the next morning with a text from an unknown number. Then the conversation started. You filled in the parts of the night that wasnt clear. You made me nervous. A sensation that would never die down. Tuesday. She'll be at work. Dinner and hang out at the house? Sure. I bet you thought you were getting lucky that night. Not as lucky as I was going to be I guess. Because see even though this is a goodbye, and one thats tearing me apart I was so lucky to feel this. Not everyone gets to experience this with anyone in their entire life. You had a young child. Maybe 3 months I think. Timing in the universe is shitty like that. We sat on the couch. Me almost shaking with nerves but trying to keep my calm because I refused to look a fool in front of you. Do you remember what we watched? Big bang theory. And from then on anytime I saw an episode (I never watched it myself) my thoughts would gravitate back to that couch with you. Do you know how hard thats going to be on me now because that shows everywhere. I guess thats not your problem though. We didnt have sex. I was too nervous and I mean I felt like I was going to puke you made me so nervous. But there was a warmth. This tiny spark of a fire that was felt by me at least. We made out alot. But everytime you reached for my belt my gut screamed "No! Not yet" and ive never been one to ignore my gut. I left. I parked my car a few houses down. The late December air felt so cold against my face because my cheeks were burning like id be in the gym. This couldnt be real. I texted you when I got to the end of the street. "Im sorry I couldn't have sex with you I was so nervous if you dont want to meet up again i get it." I expected you to blow me off. I mean you are older and a bartender. I knew in my head what you were use to with women. I had only been with two people my whole life but you. You reeked experience. Then my phone did something that felt magical in the moment. It lit up with that text. That text reassuring me you wanted to see me again. The text that made me float the whole way home.

The visits became more frequent. Sex with you was amazing. You engulfed my body in what seemed like worship. Not one inch of me ignored. Hands and mouth just exploring the new territory. I was more adventurous. I wanted to make you happy in every way possible. Theres a need inside me to make sure youre happy. There's this new feeling like in a woman and not just some highschooler whos date is trying to get lucky. Theres a chemistry unmatched and indescribable in all honesty. It happened on the couch. The 2nd time I saw you. You carried my straddling body to your room all that was on was my unbutton jeans and your jeans. Your arms lifted me with such ease I gasped. I remember. See how much I remember. Your bedroom smelt like soap and the sheets smelled clean. The only light in the room was the green from the clock by your bed. Then before I knew it your mouth was where no other mans had been. You gave me a new experience I had been deprived of before. Then you were inside of me when I felt like my body was going to stop. Laying there after wards, your hands playing with my spine while we had small conversations in between sighs I considered if this could be forever. I knew right then you were different. I knew we were different. I knew there was something in my way but never desired to remove it. Your kiss at the front door when I was leaving had a longing. Like you didnt want to send me away. It was dark. The neighbors didnt know but as bright as I felt like I was shinning I wondered if they were peering out of the windows to see the source. Was any of this real for you? I dont think I want the answer because it was so real for me. This all sounds crazy. You're married and I knew but here I was.

It got to where id barley make it through your unlocked door without you scoping me up like youd waited all week to get your hands on me. The text in between visits didnt seem like enough any more. So I started doing what any logical in love person would do. I started getting hotel rooms and going to the bar on the weekends. I had to see you more. Hear your voice. See you smile at me from across that bar knowing I was picturing having you under me on every surface there. It made it fun right? Like we had a huge secret right in front of everyone. Including your sister in law who bartended with you some nights. It was a rush right? Knowing I was going to be in that weed infused hotel room half drunk mostly stoned in the see through black robe you love(d) so much. Knowing there was nothing between me and you but this thin fabric. Do you think people could see it on our faces? Your friends became mine because I was at the bar so often but none of them knew. Our conversations grew and we became friends who just happen to explode with this chemistry. It was more than what it had been but that was the most itd ever be. Remember the Halloween you dressed at a 20s gangster. Remeber the red dress i rushed into the bar in on new years eve so I could kiss you by midnight. Do you remember taking me in your arms around my waist and kissing me in front of everyone? I'll never forget because that was a moment where I thought this is how it could be. I met you for lunches. I met you at quicktrips for a five minute visit. Boyfriends came and went but you never left. I kept you around. Remember the apartments down the street I moved into so I could be closer. You whistling while I was waiting at my open front door. That smile. You nuzzling me after on the balcony while i smoked. I hated you had to leave me every time. You lingered in my door hesitant to walk away. The good thing about me living so close is you got to spend more time with me.

I stated you were my soul mate. I mean it. I have forever missed my chance with the one person I truly believe was made for me. All because a year of timing. You told me so many times had it not been for your baby youd leave. I believed you. I love my husband and my daughter but no one will ever light the fire you did inside me and still do. Which is why I need to walk away. Youre a source of confusion in my life. I cant allow myself to question if my relationships right because I dont have the feeling I did with you. Does that make me bad? I dont think so. I love him and dont want to hurt him which is why I have to do this. Cutting an imprint with you is one of the hardest things ive had to do but hurting him would be harder. I'll never forget a million things about you. Memories with you. I honestly hope you'll never forget me. I wish I could tell my daughter about you one day and how she never needs to settle unless someone makes her feel like you made me feel.

Love always

Youre biggest fan.

#breakup #soul mates #sometimes it doesnt work

[jackandmarksavedme88]

Anything But Average

TW: Alludes to some violence. @weirdmixofweirdness i had a brain and thought: why not pull up desktop mode ONTHEFREAKINPHONE. DUH 😂🙈

Formatting sucks but. Yeah.

@ashphoenix06 @nekob00

**************************************

Chase sat at the bar, his second glass of whiskey in his hand. He didnt want to go home, JJ and Jackie would want him to talk. And he just didnt feel like talking now. Itd been so long since she left it seemed...but seeing her today, across the street, holding hands with some guy theyd gone to school with, it seemed she was his just yesterday.

"Oh suck it up. She didn't want you. Youre here drowning your sorrows, and shes onto the next dick..deal with it" he thought to himself, draining the glass and waving for another.

"Ya know. Thats the cheap crap. You really wanna get blasted theres better stuff.." The bartender said "Yeah well. Im just drinking. Not getting crazy."

His phone buzzed and he looked down, laughing to himself at the meme Jack had sent him. Then a text came through from Alison She was Jacks friend that had become close with the Septic guys over the last few years. Based in Texas in the US they didnt see her in person much, but Chase and her communicated almost daily

A:Heyyyy. Whats up?

C: *picture he took of Stacey and her boy toy* Thats a guy we went to school with 😑. They were 'friends'

A: Dude. Thats a downgrade. Although she was never good enough for you anyway. Only good thing was the kiddos

C:yeah. It still hurts like hell though.... I need to run away. Get out of here. Theyre going to her moms for a month or so for school holidays and i dont want to be here.

A:well. You could always come here? My Dad and step mom are leaving so i have my cabin on the ranch plus the main house to myself for like a month. You should come!

Chase sat and pondered this. Him go to Texas? With horses and a lake and a bunch of land to explore with fourwheelers....that sounded like heaven

C: Are you for real? Because i could seriously use that lol

The phone rang with Alisons ringtone "Hello?"

Alison: Hell yes im serious! Itd help me out because i don't really want to be by myself out here that long. And you sound like you could use it. Seriously. Fly in, ill come get you and we can tear some shit up

Chase laughed 'alright. Be careful what you ask for Allycat"

Her laugh echoed across the line "Ohhh im shaking Mr Brody. Figure out a flight and let me know!"

Chase told her ok and hung up with her, immediately finding a flight that left in a couple of days "I am outta here" he said

************* 'Wait. So youre going for a month??' Jackie said in shock , 'Just like that??' He was standing in the bedroom door watching Chase pack. He had to be at the airport in about 2 hours

"Yeah. I need to get outta my head and Ali offered. So Im going. I think it'll do me some good. She has a computer and Stacey said i could skype the kids, they wont be in town anyway... I just need this Jackie" The hero stared at him knowingly and then nodded 'ok. Just be careful.... Hey..She ever say anything to you about her going MIA a while back?'. Chase shook his head. Thats one thing he hoped to get out of her. Even Jack had tried to get her to tell him where she'd been, but no dice. 'Hm. Ok. Well, let us know when you get there man...'

Chase zipped his suitcase and grab his backpack and slung it over his shoulder. 'I will bro. Thanks for understanding' he hugged his brother hard and then grabbed the suitcase and left.

******* Chase sat in the passenger seat of the truck, still speechless at Alison's appearance. He was expecting the Alison hed seen two years ago; but shed been training and gained muscle and holy hell. She was dressed in cutoff red shorts and a sleeveless black shirt. When she ran up to him at the airport hed almost stepped on his own bottom jaw. Her auburn hair gleamed in the sun as she talked about everything she had planned for this weekend

"Uh...chase..you ok? Awful quiet there bud" she looked over at him. Chase shook his head to clear his brain 'yeah. Yeah im good.... Hey. You look incredible!"

Alisons face flushed 'aw. Thanks' she laughed. "So. Here we are" she pulled the truck up to a gate and punched in a code. As she drove onto the ranch Chase stared out the window.

'Holy hell Alison. This is gorgeous.' They drove for another fifteen minutes, passed the huge main house and pulled up to a log cabin.

'Alright. Let's go in.' She grinned and stepped out of the truck. Chase smiled and followed her. She walked up the steps and unlocked the door. As Chase walked in he laughed. A Sam pillow and Pink Mustache pillow decorated the couch on either end.

'Really Alison?' He said, picking up Septiceye Sam "Hey! Yes really!' She said laughing. 'Just because im friends with them doesnt mean im not going to buy their shit!' He shook his head, all awkwardness gone.

There was the Alison he knew, a goofball with an affinity for Markiplier and Jacksepticeye.

She walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge, pulling some steaks out. 'You hungry?' Chase nodded. 'Hell yes, ive been needin some of your cooking!' He said, his smile lighting his face. 'You know. Im gonna have to teach you how to cook Mr Brody.' She grinned at him. And he looked at her wide eyed "um..alison. You sure you wanna do that?' "Um. Yes" she said. Grinning at him. 'First lesson..music!' She pulled up an app on her phone and music began drifting through the room. Chase shook his head. Yep. Still Alison

****** Chase watched as Alison danced in place as she cut up some vegtables and potatoes. She was barefoot, singing along to the beginning notes of 'Small Town Boy' by Dustin Lynch, he smiled as he stood up from the barstool he was sitting on... Vegatables could wait He walked up behind her and took the knife from her hand, she turned to him 'what are you-?' Chase grabbed her hand and pulled her to the open kitchen floor and started dancing with her. She threw her head back and laughed as they swayed and Chase sang along

* I'm a dirt road in the headlights I'm a mama's boy, I'm a fist fight Kinda county line, kinda cold beer Little hat down, little John Deere I kinda give a damn I kinda don't care You see that girl standing right there She loves a small town boy like me She's my ride or die baby She's my cool, she's my crazy She's my laid back in the front seat She's my with me to the end girl My turn-it-up-to ten girl....* Alison laughed and sang with him. She was in trouble if her stomach and heart were going to continue playing Zoo escape with him here. Shed been friends with the guys a while. But this was out of left field. She hadnt expected her heart to try to beat its way out when she saw him standing there at the airport. His green hair had been replaced by a natural brown and his eyes shone as blue as ever. When he saw her and smiled as she started to run toward him for a hug, shed almost fallen over. This would be a very interesting visit.

*********** They were sitting on the back porch after dinner. Chase was watching Alison animatedly talk about training with some of the guys in her Dad's work, laughing when she knocked over her water glass when her hands flew into it 'Oh shit!' Alison cried out. Then she just started laughing and Chase couldnt help but laugh along with her as he went inside the sliding glass door to the kitchen and grabbed a towel and handed it to her. She mopped up the mess and then sat back down, still giggling.

'Well. Still gracefull as ever i see Miss Calaway' Chase said teasingly She stuck her tongue out laughing 'oh fuck off Mr Brody' They laughed and then sat in silence, watching the lake.

'So.' Alison said quietly 'how are you...really?'

Chase smiled at her 'you know.... Earlier this week i was in hell. Seeing her with him opened old wounds...but being here now i feel a little better. Like i can breathe. It hurts still. But i can breathe' Alison nodded and reached over and squeezed his hand 'im really glad you came. I needed some company...'

She dropped her hands to her lap and stared out at the water. The energy around them shifted and Chase could sense something hed been feeling all evening. Something was weighing heavy on her. 'Alison....whats going on? You never told me what happened that two week span you quit replying to anyone..and ive left it alone this long but.. i can tell now sitting here it wasnt a case of being too busy with fun stuff to look at your phone' Alison looked down, a mixture of sadness and guilt shadowing her face. He was talking about last year. Even Jack had tried to get out of her where shed been...but she hadnt told a soul. Only her family knew. Tears welled in her eyes... that had been during a bad time for Chase...she remembered the pain in the drunk texts from him that shed read when she got the phone back...

She stood and walked over to the railing. Trying not to cry and failing 'Hey...alison im sorry. I didnt mean to-..' Chase stood and walked up beside her and put an arm around her shoulders. She turned to face him and burying her face in his chest, silent tears rolling down her face for a moment. Then she took a deep breath, stepped back and wiped her face 'Sorry...its just... I never apologized for not being there for you. I read those texts a million times after the fact and... Im so sorry Chase'

Chase stared at her shocked 'thats whats upsetting you? Alison, i send angsty texts to my brothers every time im freakin drunk' he laughed. "You dont need to apologize. It was a bad point but nothing for you to feel guilty for being absent for... But i would like to know where you were. We all know when you reappeared you were different." Alison stared into his eyes, hed had never noticed how green they were. She was searching...but for what? 'Chase.... Not even Jack knows what happened...' She took a deep breath '....i was in the hospital.' Chases mouth dropped open in shock 'What?! Why???'

She stared at her feet and was quiet for a minute. 'Do you remember Chris?' She asked. Chase grimaced at the name, he remembered Chris. He also remembered the broken nose and black eye he gave him a couple years back when he saw him shove Alison to the ground "Yeah. Your boyfriend that no one liked?' She nodded 'yeah. That one.... God i shouldve listened to yall. ' Chase put his hand under her chin and lifted her gaze to his and spoke softly 'what did he do ali?' She swallowed hard. 'Short version? Got mad that i wanted to leave the country to come see yall.... Tied me up and used me as a punching bag for 3 days....'

Chases eyes widened in horror 'what the fuck....howd you get away???' She snorted 'my Dad came to find me.... Imagine for yourself how pretty that was' Chase knew it hadnt been.

Her father was famous for being called The Undertaker. Almost seven feet tall and 300lbs...and Alison was his little girl. His first daughter. His pride... Oh lord that couldnt have been good....

'So' she continued 'i was in the hospital for a good while... Actually the first time i texted you i was still there for another week.... ' Chase pulled her into a hug 'Ali im so so sorry..my God if i had known...' Alison laughed 'if you had known you wouldve been deported and arrested for murder...no i didnt want anyone knowing. Im the one who stayed when yall told me to leave. I'm the idiot.' Chase leaned back, arms still around her. 'No! Its not your fault. I dont care what we told you to do. You want to see the good in people. You want to believe everyone is good and thats an amazing trait. You should never think thats stupid' She smiled and leaned into his chest savoring the warmth and safety.

Later, after they had said goodnight and gone to their rooms, Chase lay there awake. He could still feel her head on his shoulder, feel the warmth from her, and his heart skipped. "What the hell is going on ??' He hadnt felt that since high school...that first skip of the heart when you find someone.... 'Oh grow up Brody. Shes your best friend and doesnt need your damaged ass complicating her life..' Little did he know she was in the room at the opposite end of the hall thinking along the same lines...

****** A week had gone by, they danced around the flirtation and the obvious tension that lay under their banter. The day before it had rained, creating mud puddles everywhere. Now it was sunny and muggy out. Alison excitedly threw a pair of 4-wheeler keys to Chase and grinned as she pulled her ponytail through the back of the hat she was wearing. Chase watched as she bounded down the front steps and followed suit. They were both in jeans. The day before Chase had bought a cheap pair of boots he could get muddy. They were heavy but at least it wasnt his sneakers. They headed down the path between Alison's and the main house. Chase studied her as they walked. He hadnt been as brave since the first night. He wanted to say something....anything. But he wasnt sure where to start. 'You good ?' Alison stopped walking and looked at him, his face flushed slightly "Yeah, im good. Ready to tear up the mud' Alison laughed 'well the shed is right over here. I keep mine here since its closer to my place' They rounded the bend in the path and came upon the metal shed. She unlocked the door and walked in, pulling the tarp off the two four-wheelers. She threw a michevious grin at Chase as she climbed on hers "You ready to get dirty?' She laughed Chase grinned 'Hell yeah!' He climbed on his and they roared to life, Alison shot out of the building and took off, he threw his head back laughing and started after her

****** After about an hour or two of flying through mud and water puddles, they were sitting on the edge of the lake on a blanket Alison had laid out under the big umbrella. Chase had his shirt off as it was wet and muddy. He looked over at her and couldnt help but laugh. She had mud streaked down her arms and some on her nose.. The only part that wasnt spotted was her legs. Shed taken off the jeans and was in her swim shorts that had been under them.

'What?!' She said

'Youre a little...uh...dirty there girl' She laughed 'you should see yourself, your floofy hairdo aint cuttin it kid' she said as she reached over and messed up his hair, dirt falling out 'Hey!' Chase cried and grabbed her hand as he chuckled 'you leave my hair alone. Youre just jealous' Alison laughed and rolled her eyes. 'Yeah. Ok' They sat next to each other in silence, her knees pulled up and arms wrapped around them. She leaned against his side and looked like she was ready to fall asleep on his shoulder. Chase scooted over to the far side of the blanket and laid back, then pulled her down so her head rested on his chest and an arm was around her. His pulse raced and she easily fit in his arm and curled against him.

She sighed contentedly 'hey Chase... Anytime i need to lay with someone im gonna find you. Because youre really comfortable' she said giggling. He laughed 'ok. But youll have to come across the pond a lot' 'Hmm' she said thoughtfully 'ok. Im good with that. Ill come over there for some Brody cuddles' He squeezed her and smiled. 'Hey....Ali?'

'Yeah?' She shifted her head so she could look up at him. Her heart raced as she caught his eyes. Shed been having trouble concentrating on anything since he took his shirt off and this wasnt any easier.

'What are we avoiding here?' He asked... He hadnt meant to be so blunt but it just kind of came out that way. 'I mean. We're good and normal and then other times its so freaking awkward..i dont get it' 'I-.' Alison didnt really have an answer for that. She knew what she thought she was avoiding. But she wasnt 100% sure. 'I dont know.. I mean... I think its obvious theres something to talk about. But neither of us wants to say it'

Chase stared into her green eyes intently 'Well if you want to say what i want to say, then fuck this silence. Tell me'

Alison sat up and looked the other way and he followed. 'Its not just that easy for me Chase.... I dont know what you want...i dont know what im supposed to do..i dont know wh-'.. '

He grabbed her chin and turned her face towards his 'what i want is for you to shut up and kiss me...what youre supposed to do is stop rambling and let me show you'

With that he pressed his mouth to hers and kissed her. Slowly at first and then harder. She sat up on her knees and wrapped her arms around his neck as she kissed him back. They pulled away breathless and stared at each other.

'Now alison' he said, his voice husky "Whyd you wait so long to do that?' He grinned and pulled her to him again and kissing her deeper, laying back, her laying halfway across his chest. After a moment she pulled away and laid her head down on him and laughed 'Holy crap' He laughed out loud, 'yeah... Thats one way of putting it' He kissed the top of her head and wrapped her in his arm, they both drifted off..

****** It was a month and a half later. Chase stood by the front door. Nervous. He didnt want to leave. They hadnt been what youd call official..neither of them labled it . Sure they had held hands, slow danced with each other, kissed and gotten close..but it wasnt like *that* was it?... And now he was going home. He wasnt supposed to feel this way. His heart wasnt supposed to ache like this....

Alison stood in her room making sure she had her keys and phone...stalling. "What the hell...why is this so damn hard. Hes my best friend....a great kisser...but my best friend! Its not supposed to be like this' she thought to herself. Walking out she caught his eyes and saw her sadness reflected there

'Are you ready to go?' She inquired, trying to sound happy

"....you want the truth or the answer thatll make you feel better?' He chuckled.

'Chase...' She stood by him and grabbed his hand... 'I know, i know. We live a million miles from each other... I just didnt think it would-' 'Hurt this much?' She said, staring up at him He sighed and wrapped an arm around her, pulling her in and kissing the top of her head. 'Yeah' She opened the door and they walked out to the truck.

******** 'Seriously. Come out sometime, the boys and me will show you a good time' Chase said Alison smiled at him ' Definitely...ill miss you. Thank you for coming. I had a blast'

Chase smiled and her 'And stop standing so far away.' He grabbed her hand and pulled her close 'its harder to kiss you goodbye from over there....if thats okay.... Just one last time?' She smiled and nodded as a blush crept to her cheeks he leaned down and kissed her, both of them holding on longer than they intended. 'Alison...dont be a stranger' he said. Hugging her one last time and picking up his bags. 'I..i wont Chase. Tell everyone i said hi'

She waved goodbye and watched him walk toward his gate, then turned and headed for her truck. When she got inside she let go of her control and cried. The tears didnt stop until she was back to her place. She walked into the room Chase had been staying in and found one of his worn shirts folded on the bed with a note and a small bottle of cologne. She smiled and cried a little reading it

'I know its not the same as falling asleep on me. But this is the cologne i use, you can wear the shirt or use it as a pillow case... Ill miss you' She laid down on the bed and could still smell him as she drifted to sleep

******** 'Dude. You were supposed to go over there to get happier. Now youre just more mopey. What the hell happened?' Jackie asked Chase

They were in the living room, Chase sprawled on the couch. It had been almost two weeks since he came home 'Jackie. Just leave it alone man. Ok? I dont want to talk about it'

'Chase, you need to talk about it. I havent seen you like this ever. When Stacy left you cried and drank and talked about it... You dont even drink anymore. You just sit and watch tv or sleep' Jackie said, worry coating his words.

Chase sat up 'look man. Im an idiot and i caught feelings at the wrong time and the wrong place. Ok? And it hurts because i cant be where i need to be and where i want to be at the same time! I dont drink because then i dream about her and....'

His words drifted off Jackie came to sit by him and put an arm over his shoulder ' you always dream about Stacy though. I thought the sleeping pills helped with that'

Chase put his head in his hands 'Bro. This isnt about Stacy. I never thought id say this but i think this hurts worse'

Jackie was shocked. He couldnt believe what had just come out of his brothers mouth 'Then...who? And what did they do that was so bad???'

Chase shook his head 'thats just it. Nothing bad. It was all amazing... But.. Damnit man. I just wish it wasnt so fucking far, you know?' Jackie thought for a minute and his eyes widened and mouth dropped as he caught on

'Holy shit you mean Alison???' Chase's head shot up 'Jackie if you tell anyone so help me ill strangle you' Jackie put his hands up 'No no. I wont..but..what happened?' Chase laughed 'nothing like that... We just kissed and cuddled a lot and... I really think i fell for her man and i dont know how to process it... I feel like I'm losing my mind.' Then he opened up and told Jackie everything about the trip. His brother just sat and listened.

*************** Two weeks later...

'Alison!' Jack ran over to her, shed begged him to pick her up at the airport but hadnt wanted anyone to know. Hed been happy to oblige. Confused. But happy

'Jack!' She ran over to him and hugged him hard. Shed missed this goofball

'Ok so are you going to tell me whats going on?' Jack said as they grabbed her bags and walked outside to where the Uber was waiting for them

' um.... Its a little hard to explain. But.. I just had to come ok? Im actually meeting my Dad tomorrow. Theyre here because of a movie shoot. We are all staying a month or so.'

Jack shook his head 'i know when youre lying. Theres something youre not tellin me Ali' She looked at him. Knowing hed either laugh or help her... Well only one way to find out

'Jack....when Chase stayed with me for that month... We..I.... I fell for him ok? And i think he feels the same way. And this last month has been hell because i cant stop thinking about him. I know it sounds crazy but i had to come see him, and yall. ' it came out in a rush.

Jacks mouth dropped open in shock. 'You mean...youre the reason Chase has been so mopey? Thank God i thought he was on about Stacy again' and he laughed 'So. Wanna suprise him?' His smile conspiratorial Alison grinned. She shouldve known she could count on him.

*********** 'Well why do i need to go Jack? Why dont you?' Chase whined into the phone 'i dont feel like talking to anyone about filming man. I dont have it in me' 'Chase. Youre going. Trust me. Just meet the agent at the park. Theyll be by the river. Itll be a good opportunity for you man' Jack said on the other end of the line, trying to keep from laughing. 'And what about the others? Jackie and everyone left the house today. They said they were staying with you tonight because you were filming some stuff. Why cant i help?' Chase questioned 'Look Chase. I need you to do this for me. Ok? Please bro?' Chase rolled his eyes 'fine. But this better be a good meeting' Jack hung up the phone and laughed 'oh trust me Brody. Youll love it' he said to himself. Shooting alison a text. 'Now we wait'

At the house Chase threw the phone. He wanted to be mad but he knew Jack was just worried. Hed been holed up in his room since he came back, hadnt touched his skateboard in a month, hadnt even looked at his PS4.. All he could do was go through the photos from his trip. Hed talked to Alison on facetime and she seemed to be happy, was training and riding horses. She had sent him phtos of her and her Dad and little sisters... He felt like he was lying to her. He said he was okay, just more tired...but the reality was he wanted to beg her to come to him. He wanted to tell her he thought he loved her-- but he just kept a smile on his face because as long as she was happy, thats all that mattered

****** Later that night Alison sat on the bench. Nervously playing with the hem of her dress she had bought that morning. He should be here any minute.... What if he was mad...what if he didn't want her here? What if.... She recieved a text from Jack

J:Hes there.

Her heart pounded. Now what? She sat and waited...hearing footsteps

* Chase could see someone on the bench by the water and headed that way. As he walked his eyes focused on the figure. Their hair was an auburn color... That thought made his heart ache as he remembered brushing Alisons from her face... He got close enough to the bench and the figure stood and turned toward him. His heart jumped and he almost fell down 'Al-alison?' He whispered. Not believing what he was seeing. 'Chase..' She said softly. Her face broke into a smile as tears filled her eyes. She ran to him and he embraced her. He finally let go and looked down at her grabbing her face with both hands "ali what the hell are you doing here?!' Tears rolled from her eyes 'Chase....i couldnt stay away anymore. Im sorry...i know i shouldve told you but i didnt know if you wanted me here and-' her words were cut off as he kissed her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back. When they pulled back he looked at her for a long minute and then spoke as he wiped her tears 'Dont ever apologize for making me this happy...ever. Of course i want you here. Its been hell just talking to you on FaceTime and not being able to say what im thinking. My God Alison i missed you more than i thought possible' She smiled and kissed his cheek and hugged him again. Savoring the feel of his arms around her

'Cmon. Lets go talk' he said pulling out his phone to call a ride 'I got it' she said grinning 'My dad loaned me a driver for my trip' she called someone and said whered they be. As they walked to the road Chase saw a black limo waiting and laughed 'Well. That beats an Uber'

As they rode he just stared at her. She was looking out the window. His heart beat faster. She came....she missed him so much that she came all the way here. He smiled to himself and then shot Jack a text

C:'Youre an ass for letting me walk into that unwarned....but thank you man'

J:no thanks needed. I did it for both of you. You both deserve smiles on your faces man. Now put the phone down... Also Jackie said to tell you 'stay in your own room' 😂

Chase laughed out loud and covered his face. He was going to have to smack him Alison looked over 'whats so funny?' She reached for the phone and snatched it before Chase could stop her 'alison i wouldn-' he warned laughing 'Oh my god.... Im gonna have to smack him when i see him' she said laughing as her face turned red. They both giggled and Chase grabbed the phone and turned it off after sending 'tell him i said ..' Followed by a couple of middle finger emojis

***** They walked into the house and Chase locked the front door before grabbing Alisons hand and kissing her again. He couldnt believe she was here. Alison leaned into him and kissed him back and then said smiling 'i cant believe im standing here' Chase laughed 'i cant either! I mean...why would you come all this way??' Alison locked eyes with him. 'Because... I never knew i could miss someone so much Chase. Honestly it was driving me nuts. I got tired of having the pictures from your trip and FaceTime with fake 'hey buddy' bullshit..... But i wanted to say it to your face.

Chase nodded. He knew exactly what she meant.

** Alison had been there a week and couldnt get over the fact that she was with him. Chase was sprawled out on the other side of the king sized bed and snoring. They had both decided to stay in the hotel room she had reserved for her time here. Chase wasnt used to such a huge bed and Alison laughed thinking back to his face when he first laid on it. She laid her book down and reached over, brushing his hair back and smiling. He stirred and blinked at her sleepily "Ali-- you ok babe?" Her heart jumped at that name. She felt a blush spreading as he sat up and his bare chest became visable. "Yeah- yeah. Was just admiring how cute you were when you sleep" He chuckled and ran his fingers through his hair "what. Are you saying im not cute when im awake? " "Well....when youre asleep youre much quieter" she said laughing. His mouth opened in fake offense and then he grinned mischeviously "Oh. Okay.." He rolled over and caught her and tickled her and she laughed and squealed. 'Chase! Chase! Okay i give i give!!" He stopped and looked down at her as he laid across her and laughed 'youre pretty cute yourself Alleycat " he kissed the tip of her nose and she craned her mouth up. He smiled and leaned down to kiss her and she wrapped her arms around him. He still wasnt used to the sparks that went through his brain with her. That first night hed stayed with her they... Caught up.. quickly. He was still addicted to the taste and feel of her even after as many times hed experienced her. "Ali-" he whispered as he placed his forehead to hers "Yeah Chase?" "I...i think... This is gonna sounds insane' he laughed She pushed him up so she could look in his eyes "Baby...what?" Chase stared into her green eyes. Never having been more sure of what he was about to say...knowing if he didnt hed never sleep "Alison..... I love you...and i know thats crazy. I never thought id ever say that to anyone with this feeling behind it after her....but honestly if she walked up to me right now and asked me to come home...id say no. Youve made me feel whole. You make me the man i want to be. Even my kids when i saw them yesterday asked why i was so happy... ' He stopped and grinned sheepishly "i kinda talked about you a little...they want to meet you. I told them maybe in a couple of weeks..but thats up to you..Stacy was cool with it if you are..' She stared at him, not knowing what to say. A smile broke across her face and her eyes misted over "Chase...id love to meet them..." She pulled him to her and kissed him before saying quietly 'and Mr Brody...you should know. I love you too.." *****

[lovesickjily]

After Moon

for the lovely beautiful amazing @beaubcxton​ @thelaziestgeek​ ahhhh happy day of your birth you wonderful human you. i love you so much. here, have a fic of just about ever trope that i hope you’ll love. ahhhh i hope this is one of the loveliest of days you’ll ever live out because every day of your life should be just about as beautiful as today <333333

leave some love on  ao3 or ffn

Summary: When the universe sent Lily back in time for some inexplicable reason, she didn’t realise that she’d fall for the charming, messy-haired Prince along the way, nor did she realise that she’d see him once again.

There was something oddly calming about the tenderness of the soft waves of the lake.

The water felt cool against her toes as she skimmed the edges, breaking the otherwise stillness of the gentle motions, and she moved her feet in small spirals, as if she was directing the choreography for the stream’s soft, graceful movements.

Her jeans— which she admitted were most definitely not the most appropriate wear for the outdoors in this scorching heat, what with the temperatures being much too hot for spring, a time for flowers to blossom and rejoice at the sun’s newly-made appearance after months of the cold fragility of winter— had been rolled up as much as they possibly could before ultimately being able to cut the circulation off from her thighs, and her long-sleeved shirt had been rolled up to her shoulders. Perhaps she should have let loose, should have worn an outfit that revealed more skin, because if the sun had finally shied away from hiding in the clouds, then her skin should have shied away from the constraints of clothing as much as possible as well.

Only, it was far too late for a change of wardrobe now.

She’d been dragged off with her family to spend time together, but between Vernon’s horrible attempts at making himself appear more virile and masculine through his arsed attempts at fishing in the lake— a terrible mistake as it was already, having gone on about knowing that he’ll most definitely catch the largest tarpon humanity will ever see, his first mistake, really, seeing as they were currently engaging in recreational activities at a freshwater lake— and Petunia’s insults towards Lily when she’d tried to correct Vernon, she’d found herself distancing herself from them slowly but surely. He hadn’t even been holding the rod correctly, for heaven’s sake.

If he’d at any point given her the rod, she was sure to catch at least something, but because of his notions that women were only good in the kitchen and at home sweeping the floors, he hadn’t even so much as let go of the rod, as if it was more dear to him than his fiance. Lily had a feeling that this had been the first time he’d ever even acquainted himself with the likes of fishing.

It’d been slightly amusing at first to watch Vernon fish and Petunia clapping him on, and in fact, the first time he’d thrown the rod, the hook had gotten caught in one of his belt loops, but soon, it just got annoying with his persistence to go on, still not yet having realised that there was no chance of him catching a tarpon, not even a chance of him catching anything, really. It didn’t stop Petunia from clapping for him.

She didn’t at all see what her sister saw in her oaf of a boyfriend, but then again, she didn’t really see much in the men that acquainted themselves with her, none of them catching her eye or making her heart flutter as it was described in the books that she entertained her eyes with in her free time. Perhaps she had been born in the wrong time period, or perhaps she was too picky when it came to finding the supposed one, but she couldn’t at all see herself settling for anyone less than what she looked for— whatever she was looking for. Why should she be unhappy with someone she didn’t love? As lonely as she was— relationship-wise— she’d much rather be alone than with anyone who wasn’t her emotional equal.

Respectful men? Sure, she supposed she met enough of them to crowd a room or two, but none had that sparkle in their eye, none had the passion that met one as fiery as her own. She wasn’t going to settle down with a man who should have been respectful from the start, because it was like asking for a meal at only a decent restaurant and be served with a meal that was equally decent, for it had been what she expected. She wanted unpredictability, in a good sense, not the one-day-I’ll-assault-you-after-coming-off-as-a-good-person unpredictability.

Perhaps her generation had spent so much time dwelling on finding love that it had become commonplace for people to rush into relationships, relationships that they should have known were destined to fall apart from the very beginning, and that the feeling had dwindled in the world because so many had begun falling out of it.

If she had been born earlier, maybe she’d been subjected to the love that she’d like to think she’d like. On the dates that she’d gone on in the past, she supposed they were decent enough dates, though nothing too far out of it, and a simple dinner was completely fine, but they didn’t seem as if much thought had been put into them. She’d like to think that she was worth at least some thought, but obviously, she wasn’t begging for thousands of dollars from her bridesmaids, wasn’t begging for anything but consideration from them. Honestly, she wouldn’t have even minded if someone took her on a date to the supermarket so long as they thought it out with the consideration that all good people deserved.

Or, as an idea that she liked to ball up and throw off into the corner, she wasn’t worthy of finding love, but if that was the case, then men— both of the respectful and the disrespectful sort— wouldn’t be queuing up to ask her out on a date, to which she almost always turned them down, not at all feeling the connection that she so desperately seeked.

But on another note, if someone with the likes of Vernon had been able to bag her sister, who could be quite the person when she treated Lily with the sisterly love that she wanted from her, then perhaps love wasn’t at all dead. Petunia surely wasn’t in it for the looks, and if she was, then she was in dire need of a visit to the optometrist.

If she had a boyfriend sitting beside her right at that very moment, a very attractive man with cleverness to boot— though not so much as he’d always beat her in banter, because she considered herself a goddess with words, almost always able to outstump others verbally— she’d like to imagine that they were coming up with the funniest ways to describe Vernon’s failed attempts to so much as reel in a weed of some sort, but, of course, there was no indisputably beautiful man sitting beside her. A shame, that.

And she didn’t want to measure her worth by her relationship status, quite loving the notion of being an independent woman, but she could still be an independent woman with a man beside her, holding her hand and doing whatever it was that a loving boyfriend did.

But, no boyfriend, no one to laugh at Vernon with, no one.

She sighed.

Her eyes travelled over to the other families, who had begun gathering for the solar eclipse that was supposed to happen today in a few moments, which had been another reason as to why her family had chosen this particular day to go out together. They’d said it killed two birds with one stone— a motto that Vernon probably most definitely lived by literally, having boasted about his ‘successful’ hunting expeditions, meaning that he’d succeeded in the bloodshed of poor, innocent animals that he’d later gone on to hang on his walls as trophies. Vernon and her father had begun to put away the fishing supplies, and she was sure that he would soon begin to bust into a boast about how expensive his solar eclipse-designed glasses were, as if the frames would let him view the phenomenon better as opposed to the glasses that Lily had picked up from the nearby convenience store. She was practically daring him to speak.

Surely enough, after her parents had beckoned her over to them, having chosen a spot where they could easily view the eclipse, the clouds had cleared away enough so that the sun was very much in sight, shining brightly down at the onlookers, as if to call them idiots for choosing this day to look up at it, as if on any other occasion they would have simply gone blind from just laying their eyes upon it.

The eclipse was scheduled to happen any second now, and she’d settled down beside her mum, her feet once again skimming the surface of the water. There were many groups of people relaxing on the lake now, engaged in conversations with one another, excitement written over their faces as they awaited the passage of the moon covering the sun with her own family talking.

“I heard that seeing an eclipse means that someone will die,” Vernon gruffed, and she wanted so badly to refute his statement, but anything that came out of her mouth would make Petunia shush her and say that Vernon knew what he was talking about because he had a fancy degree in philosophy, like having such a degree made him a philosopher, as if the minds of Socrates and Aristotle had nothing on him.

Instead, she chose to ignore him, because to say something, anything smart, in the presence of her parents would just make them disappointed in her, and so she held her tongue, if just for that moment. She found her eyes wondering, finding a boy who had gone astray from the rest of his family, who hadn’t seem to notice because they were too preoccupied with the patterns of the sun and the moon, and the next thing she knew, he had jumped into the lake.

He jumped into the lake.

Oh god.

What was she to do? Should she intervene in business that wasn’t her own? Surely the boy knew how to swim, otherwise he wouldn’t have willingly thrown himself into the perils of the water, but then again, he was a child who didn’t know any better, hadn’t gone through life to fully understand what was right and wrong just yet.

Her eyes darted towards the crowds, because surely someone would have noticed a small boy plunging into the water, mesmerised by the reflection of the sun on the surface of the water, but people only continued smiling and laughing, completely unaware of what was happening in the lake. She’d nearly turned back to the conversation herself, when the boy began flailing in the water, and nevermind the fact that she was wearing clothing completely unsuitable for swimming— she hadn’t even expected to go swimming at all— and she knew that there was really one option for her.

She stood from her spot, kicking off her shoes and running off of the pier, ignoring the protests from her parents and the shrieks coming from Petunia at her abruptness. The water completely overtook her nostrils, filling them, before she emerged, kicking against the forces of the water as quickly as she possibly could before the boy succumbed to the depths of the lake, and he was visibly drowning now, trying his hardest as to not drown.

She pushed against the water, and she’d nearly considered holding out her hand, but he was quite possibly too terrified to register her actions. She hadn’t even had to do anything, because she hadn’t noticed that her brash display of jumping into the lake from the pier had attracted the attention of loads of people, even more than the child had, because his father had launched into his boat— already revved up and ready to go— to save the child.

She had jumped into the water for nothing.

Or perhaps she had, if it helped to rescue the boy and if it meant that there’d be one less dead person in the world.

“Take my hand,” the man told her, and she’d tried really hard to reach up, but from the reflection on his sunglasses she could see the moon passing over the sun in that very instance, signaling the start of the eclipse. Why she took notice of that small detail, she did not know, though it seemed like a very ominous sign of impending doom, and she would have laughed if she could at Vernon’s beliefs, as if she was the one to die. “Miss?”

She snapped out of it, and she was finally able to move her hand, but she hadn’t even managed to so far as to even brush fingers with the man— one with slightly greying hair and a protruding belly, seeming to be the embodiment of a fisher dad— when she felt something pulling at her foot, some sort of invisible force keeping her in the water, and she felt her heart lurch.

Had she upset some water spirit in the past? Why was—

There was only one instance in which water could ever burn someone, that only instance being when one was being submerged in water, filling their lungs and throat and nose to the point that they couldn’t breathe, and water wasn’t at all supposed to do that, was supposed to put out things that burned, not have the property of burning, but that was the only sensation that she could properly understand now as the water pushed at her from every direction.

Get up, she told herself. She knew how to avoid drowning, had read up on it before, and she knew that she had to stop moving, had to keep thrashing and flailing about, but this force, gravity, whatever it was, was keeping her from emerging from the surface.

She was sure to hear screaming of some sort, or perhaps everyone had taken to observing the eclipse, forgetting about the redhead who was surely to succumb to her death, but fighting for her life was wearing thin as much as she wanted to stay alive, and she felt her eyes closing.

Now, there was nothing soothing about the water as it pulled her down to its murky depths.

Then she saw black.

*****

It felt like eternity since she’d woken up, and she was still completely aware of how much the water— although she was lying flat on the ground now— was burning her, having made its way in her now and had worked its way into her system.

She felt herself cough up a small burst of water, opening her eyes as she expected the concerned stares of her parents and exasperated stares of Petunia and Vernon, but instead, she found herself looking into the concerned eyes of two unknown girls around her age. Upon seeing that she wasn’t dead— or, maybe she was dead, and this was the first thing that she was supposed to see when entering the afterlife—, they breathed a sigh of relief, smiling warmly at her.

“Oh, Princess!” the blonde one exclaimed, “We nearly thought you were done for when we found you in the water.”

“Had us shocked there, you did,” the brunette agreed, “The Prince will be in for such news, especially on your first day here.”

“I— Princess?” she exclaimed, blinking at these strange women, “I’m not a princess?”

They looked at her as if she was the one uttering nonsensical words, and the brunette shook her head, muttering, “You must have hit your head harder than I thought.”

“Drowning does not affect the memory part of my brain,” she huffed, but when she’d finally come to her senses, she realised that she was not at the lake, was nowhere near the lake, the only body of water being a pond of some sort in an ornate garden, designed as if it was meant for royalty. Where was she?

Perhaps she had hit her head a bit too hard. Maybe she had hit a rock on the way down, but after feeling the top of her head for any gash of any sort, her hand came back with nothing except for the knowledge that her hair, which had been tied up in a ponytail before, was now up in a wet plait wrapped around her head, spurring on even more questions.

She attempted to stand up quickly from her spot, causing the two to rush at her side, and the blonde tugged at her arm, keeping her down. “Princess—”

“Again, you must be mistaken—��

“Please be careful,” she finished, securing a towel around Lily’s person, and she was completely aware of how her long sleeve and jeans had been traded for a flowy ivory dress that cascaded down her legs and reached the floor, though the sleeves themselves were still long. “The prince will be awfully upset if something treacherous occured to you.”

“The prince, right,” she said, “It’s almost like he’s asked my hand in marriage from the way you’ve bloody said it.”

Their eyebrows scrunched together in confusion, and if they were looking at her as if she was from another world, then now she was an alien to be astonished at. “Are you sure you’re all right, Princess?”

When you discount the fact that she almost bloody drowned, then she was completely fine, dandy even.

“Of course, why wouldn’t I—”

She stopped in the middle of her sentence, staring at them, unblinking, because if this was the first time that she’d come here to meet this so-called Prince, that if she died and he’d be devastated, then… “I’m engaged to him,” she said, more as a statement more than a question.

The truth seemed to settle on her, like a chill that had started down her spine but had stopped halfway, seeping into her bones, because she truly had no idea where she was, who these people were, why they were calling her a princess, and why she was engaged to a man she didn’t know. There were so many questions, and they seemed all the less wiser to her confusion because they seemed just as confused as she was.

Wasn’t she just saving a little boy just a few moments ago?

Then again, she was also drowning a moment ago.

Had she somehow, under the strange powers of the solar eclipse, been taken back to another time period?

She could feel the tightness of the corset restraining the sides of her body, squeezing from every possible direction, as well as the looseness and liberty that she felt near her lower regions in sharp contrast, suggesting that she was in a time nowhere near her present time. She wanted to rip off the corset, to return to her comfortable tees and shorts, to return to her rightful time and era, where technology existed, where her loving family lived, and where she was not being accosted by people who were insistent that she was of royalty.

“You were very much against marrying him,” the brunette said in concern, nodding slightly.

“I was?”

They didn’t delight her with an answer, only looking at her patronisingly, and the sudden sound of frantic horse steps against the hard ground, grabbing their attentions, including her own, her eyes making out the sight of a man nearing them. “Good afternoon, Dorcas, Alice,” he said, nodding at them when he neared them, and then he turned towards her, smiling at her with a crooked grin. “Princess.”

She’d nearly accused him of being just as out of his mind as the others were, would have too, if she didn’t take in the sight of him adorned in an expensive outfit of some sort, seeming to have been made from the finest materials of the time, an outfit almost equally— but not quite there— as attractive as he was, with golden honey-coloured eyes and beautiful unkempt hair that seemed that stick out in every direction, and his appearance itself already screamed out who he was, the so-called Prince as they’d described him. She merely stared at him, unsure of how exactly to respond, was at a complete loss for words because of how unfathomable beautiful he was, and it made so much sense as to why she’d never stumbled upon anyone with an appearance matching his own if men of his like only existed in the past.

His eyebrows drew together when she didn’t answer. “All right, Princess?”

She sighed, because no matter how attractive this man claiming to be a prince was, she was not going to be swayed by these people, who were clearly delusional in their notions of sovereignty. “Look, I don’t know what you lot are on, but I’m not this Princess you make me out to be—”

He looked over to the blonde and brunette, who immediately took this as a cue to slip away, and, so it seemed, it was his turn to sigh now. “I know you don’t want to marry me, but—” He stopped, squinting his eyes at her as he scrutinised the state that she was in. “Princess, are you wet?”

“No, actually, this water materialised out of thin air,” she deadpanned, and upon his confused look, she felt a little bad for him, because it wasn’t his fault she was in this predicament, wasn’t his fault that she was in the wrong time period, wasn’t his fault that she’d taken control of the life of a princess in a past life, even if she wouldn’t admit it herself.

She watched as his eyes flew from her wet hair, then towards the pond, and then back at her, to which his eyebrows flew into his hair, lying beneath the shadows of his dark curly locks as he blinked at her. “Out of morbid curiosity, you didn’t attempt to drown yourself, did you?”  

“I— what?”

“Princess—”

“I have a name, you know,” she interrupted, wanting to know what she was to be addressed as, and he nodded.

“Lily—”

“Lily?” she repeated, unable to conceive just how coincidental it was, that out of all the time periods she could have travelled back to, out of all the people who have lived and ever lived, with people of all names, she’d taken to taking over the life of a woman who shared her name, and she ignored the thud her heart made at how nicely the name had fallen out of his lips, the sound coming out smoother than glass.

“Yes,” he said slowly, as if she was going to interject once again, “Unless you’ve changed your name without my knowledge.”

“I haven’t, Louis,” she responded, knowing full well that that probably wasn’t at all his name, but when she thought back to any king of the past, her mind jumped back to King Louis IV, the Sun King, Bourbon King, that king.

He looked affronted. “My name is James.”

“Are you sure?” she replied, smiling coyly at the fact that he was so named after another famous ruler. Lovely. “I’d thought you’d changed your name without my knowledge.”

The ludicrosity that seemed to have formed on his face seemed to dissipate quickly at the realisation that she’d only been teasing him by using his own words, when really, she had wanted to slyly learn his name without seeming as if she was a case that needed to be taken to whatever this time’s equivalent of a mental institution was. He shook his head at her, that smile back on his face now.

“I’d almost forgotten how clever you are,” he said, a statement that did not require a response, and he instead reached his hand out to help her up, adding, “Only if you don’t mind taking my hand.”

She hesitantly put her hand in his, hoping that he didn’t pose a threat to her and felt warmth spread throughout her person, and at her full height, she could see just how much he towered over her, and he flashed her with that crooked grin of his, the top right corners of his lips gravitating upwards. “What?” she inquired when he did not say anything else.

He shook his head at her. “I can’t say. As much as I’m your betrothed, I feel that I don’t have the right to inform you of your apparent beauty.”

She couldn’t help the flush that had threatened to bloom over her cheeks, spreading like the pollen of a dandelion in the warm spring air, because this man, who she had only known for at most five minutes, was making her feel warmth in her heart that she didn’t know she could feel, for no one had ever made her feel this way before. “You just did.”

He cocked his head to the side, the edges of his lips quirking upwards. “It appears I have,” he agreed, “Your cheeks are redder than your hair.”

Her hand shot up to her hair, feeling the damp braids beneath her fingers, still very much secured around her hair, and she reached around to where the pins were holding them up, because surely she had to look completely different. She couldn’t look the same as she did from her time because how could people recognise her if she looked the same? Her hair came out loose, and she ignored the way in which his eyes widened at her actions, as if it was a bloody crime to walk around with loose hair.

She picked up a strand of her hair, and drawing it up close to her face, she nearly threw it down in frustration.

It was the same exact shade as the hair that she’d become familiar with seeing everyday when she looked into her mirror, and she rushed over to the water, staring at her reflection as her very own face looked back at her, looking terrified of this newfound discovery, causing at least a million more questions to form in her head about just what was happening.

This was all too strange to be reality, she thought, yet so fascinating. She pinched herself, testing to see if this truly was real or if she was dreaming and jumped when she felt pain shoot through herself, and she wondered if the universe had intended to send her back to this time for whatever reason, because this couldn’t at all be a random event, not when the weather was involved, not when she could make out the traces of emerald-coloured green in her reflection’s eyes.

His reflection appeared beside hers quickly, a ripple appearing in the water. “Er, Princess?” he asked her, frowning slightly, “All right there?”

No, she wasn’t all right.

She was in a time and place that she couldn’t even pinpoint, her only company being a man who she didn’t even know for sure that she could trust, and she was being mistaken for a bloody princess for goodness sake. The green of the grass wasn’t as green as how she was used to seeing it, a shade perhaps just a few tints off from the vivid green that frequented her vision, and the flowers that were growing in the hedge in the near distant were of a different species than she was used to smell, and undoubtedly if she were to go over to sniff their aromas right now, she’d smell something completely different than what she was used to.

Why would she be all right, when the only coherent emotions that she could truly understand were bewilderment and slight fear at the unfamiliarity of everything?

Obviously, she smiled like there wasn’t a torrential whirlwind that was her thoughts going on in her head. “Never been better.”

He smile widened attractively, and she wondered vaguely if the universe had sent her back solely because men of her own time were the lowest of the low, because she surely had never met anyone as attractive or irritatingly charming as he was, but no, that couldn’t be why. The universe surely would exist just to play matchmaker with her. If that had been the case— and it surely wasn’t— then they would have easily been born in the same time together.

There was no time for any more speculation, because she suddenly felt herself being placed atop the very same horse that he’d entered on and his presence right in front of her, the warmth emanating from his figure as if he was a fire. “What are you doing?”

He looked at her strangely, which, honestly, was a face that she was used to seeing. “Heading towards the castle? You nearly drowned right there.”

“I’m fine,” she assured him, “I inhaled water. I didn’t bloody get stabbed, Doctor James, M.D.”

He sighed. “Princess, I’ve much to believe that the reason as to why you had taken it upon yourself to drown is because you don’t want to marry me. Please, at least let me make sure that you are physically unharmed.”

She resigned, beginning to nod only to realise that he couldn’t see her, not when he was facing forward, and she sagged against his back, muttering, “All right.”

*****

Her irritation only seemed to grow more and more by the day.

She didn’t want to be here, and as horrible as Petunia was, she still longed to return home, to her parents, to Mary, and this castle just wasn’t for her, just didn’t give her the sense of homeliness that she longed for. It was much too overwhelming for her, Lily Evans, who had lived in a family where her parents made just enough for provide for her and her sister, and she couldn’t at all fathom how people could live in it without feeling overwhelmed by the grandeur of it all.

And the poor prince, who was obviously trying his absolute hardest to make sure that she didn’t accidentally purposely try to stab him to death, was terribly patient with her for a reason unbeknownst to her.

She’d forsaken her shoes— if one could even call them shoes— as well as her corset, James at least having the decency to turn around despite the dress being long enough to cover her as she threw the material somewhere in the dirt, and he had the audacity to look at her strangely, as if comfortableness was a construct that she be abolished. She was not about to let her poor organs shift under the weight and restrain of the bloody fabric, especially when she could give a rat’s arse about how small her waist was. Hello, she was a woman, not a mannequin to be ogled at. She was going to wear just whatever she fancied wearing.

The castle physician had told them that she was fine, to which she let out a sound of triumph towards James, and she all but marched out of the castle with him close on her tail, as if she was his responsibility. She might have been his betrothed, but she could manage everything on her own just well, thank you very much.

She sat down on a stone rather than on the bare grass, because she knew that the maids would wind up having to clean her clothes whether she liked it or not, and not getting any grass stains on the dress spared them at least some semblance of painstaking effort, though she did grant herself the liberty of burying her feet in the soft grass. He merely stared at her, as if the physician hadn’t taken into account that her state of mind would be out of whack from nearly drowning, but after a while, probably because he found it difficult to remain standing when she looked to be the epitome of comfort, he sat down on the stone beside her, being sure to leave a reasonable distance between them.

“You’re upset,” he observed, and her eye twitched slightly.

“I’m not.”

“You are.”

“As far as I’ve known, I’m fairly certain that I’m the person dictating what emotions I feel.”

“Lily, I— I know you don’t like me. Hell, you nearly drowned yourself because you hold ill-disguised feelings towards me—”

“I don’t not like you,” she interrupted him, “I don’t like this.”

“This?” he repeated, “What is ‘this’?”

“I’m a bloody princess,” she laughed in incredulity, and because he probably didn’t know what to else to do in this situation with her, he awkwardly laughed along, waiting for her to continue, “I just— You’re not going to believe me if I tell you the truth.”

“I reckon the fact that I’ve yet to throw you in the dungeons tells enough.”

“It’d look like treason if you were to throw me into the dungeons.”

“I— yes,” he agreed, “But what I am trying to saying is that I will believe you with whatever it is that you intend to tell me.”

She looked at him sceptically. “Promise you won’t throw me in the dungeons?”

He threw her a small, lopsided grin. “I’ll stay true to my word.”

She nodded, focusing her eyes on the ground, her foot playing with a tiny pebble nearby. “I’m not really the Princess.”

She felt his eyes on her. “Is that so?” he asked quietly. She nodded. “Sorry. I do believe you, only you’re exactly like the Princess. You have the exact same looks and personality, and—” His cheeks flushed red, and he cleared his throat, looking to say something completely differently from what he’d probably intended to say. “It’s hard to fathom, is all. I don’t believe you have bad intentions or that you’re an evil sorceress, but I’m glad that you trust me enough to tell me.”

Her shoulders drooped with relief because he didn’t think she was crazy, and if he did think she crazy, then he was at least kind enough to not say anything about her state of mind. “I— please don’t tell anyone.”

“I wasn’t.”

“I don’t even know how it happened myself.”

“I realised that.”

“Only that it happened during a solar eclipse, and I got pulled down water and ended up here instead.”

He blinked at her before nodding, taking her information in. She hoped that he wasn’t thinking about how completely insane she appeared to be. When he didn’t say anything else, apparently seeming to still process her words, he looked at her and gave her a reassuring smile. “I don’t think you’re mad, if that’s what you’re thinking. It’s not too far off from what you’ve said about not being the Princess.”

“I— thank you.”

They drifted into a comfortable silence, or perhaps it was uncomfortable for him, but she distracted herself by watching as her toes sifted through the grass, the tingling sensation growing as she kept at it. Perhaps he couldn’t take the silence anymore, because then he opened his mouth once again, saying, “Do you know what you’re planning to do now? And, is your name Lily, or is it something else? I’d rather not call you by something that you don’t prefer being called.”

“Lily’s my name. I was being truthful about that, but I honestly have no idea what to do. I— When was the wedding supposed to be?”

He grimaced at her question. “You won’t like the answer.”

“You know that doesn’t at all convince me to give it. It makes me want to know the answer even more.”

His eyes flickered towards her, and he heaved a big sigh. “It’s tomorrow.”

Laughter bubbled from her chest. “Oh, you’re hilarious, you Prince, you. That’s— oh god. I nearly thought you said—” She stopped, blinking once, then twice, then another time, and her head swiveled over in his direction, her eyes widening to nearly the size of her head. “Tomorrow?”

“I said you wouldn’t like the answer, didn’t I?”

“I— is that why you thought that I’d drowned myself earlier today?”

He nodded grimly. “I’m sorry, Lily,” he told her earnestly, and the manner in which he said it, with apology written all over his face, made her believe him, that this wasn’t a half-hearted attempt to make her feel better. She couldn’t at all believe the circumstances in which she was pulled into, because to be brought back in time as a member of royalty was inconceivable enough, but to have that happen with the fact that she was to be wed to a man that she hardly knew the next day was absolutely surreal, strange, terrifying. “I don’t know how it happened, and I know you probably wanted to marry for love, that is, if you ever wanted to get married. I’m sorry you’ve no other choice, and if it was up to me, I’d make sure that we not get married if it made you happier—”

“I’ll do it,” she cut him off, and it was his turn to be taken by surprise.

“Sorry?”

Sorry was indeed the right reaction. When had she decided…?

Perhaps it was the fact that he looked so uncomfortable talking about a decision where they both had no say in and she’d taken pity upon the poor man, but perhaps there was also the fact that it might have possibly been fun to be married to— No, what was she saying?

“Like you said, we don’t really have much of a choice, do we? And I’m not sure how long I’ll be here, if I’m not stuck here forever, but I think I should help your kingdom somehow. This marriage will create an alliance, will it?”

Was that what she was saying? She honestly had no idea.

“Yes, but you are completely fine with it, are you?” he asked her in concern, “I don’t want you to drown yourself because you hate it. I want you to know that you have a choice. There’s also the possibility that you— I, well, I reckon it’s easier if I show you.”

“Show me… what?” His penis?

“I’ve got a book in my bedroom, and I swear I’ve no ulterior motives. It has stories of soulmates— don’t know if you believe in that sort of stuff, though. I— see, it explains that every person has an infinite amount of lifetimes that they will spend with the same person each life, and I think that might give you some solace in the fact that you’ll maybe go back to your own time and meet your soulmate. You’ll forget about good old me, your soon-to-be first husband, and move on to your real love in another life. But as for now, I hope to at least be a good husband to you.”

Her eyes softened at his admission. “Thank you.”

“For what? I haven’t done anything, and—”

“Thank you for not making fun of me.”

He smiled kindly at her, and she felt her heart skip a beat at the expression on his face. “‘Course. I don’t see why I would do that to you. You’re going through enough as it is.”

And for that, she appreciates his gestures.

*****

The marriage had been quite the formal event, given the giant crowd that had amassed to watch their wedding. A wedding. At nineteen years old. Well.

She’d never imagined marrying this young, but then again, she’d never expected for any of this to happen to her. She didn’t think that she’d be holding hands with someone so soon, especially not with someone who she’d walk down the aisle with. This wasn’t real, she reminded herself— well, it wasn’t genuinely real, their love was. They couldn’t have something that didn’t exist, and perhaps a marriage with a man, who hopefully wasn’t one of those horrendous unpredictable men, was better than a life in the dungeons.

She was sent here for a reason— whatever reason unbeknownst to her— and obviously if the universe had deliberately sent her here out of all places, perhaps marriage was the first task that she’d have to accomplish.

The mere fact that she looked and acted exactly like the princess whose life she’d taken over was quite terrifying, meaning that the universe either replicated people over time— a simple copy and paste over a few centuries should do the trick— or past lives were a real occurence, and she had happened to end up back in a time where her past life had existed. If the latter was true, then she quite fancied the notion that she used to be a princess, even if she didn’t have any memories of ever being royal until a mere few hours ago, when she’d been put in the position of one.

The two castle maids, who she didn’t at all like to refer to them as since Alice and Dorcas worked completely fine, had helped her into the wedding gown, which, she supposed truly was beautiful, with its ivory lace cascading like a waterfall over the bodice and down the actual gown, though it had taken much convincing for her to squeeze into another one of those cursed corsets. She genuinely hoped that her organs remained intact by the end of the day, if she could manage to keep it there for that long, but she’d like to think that she was strong enough to endure it. If she could bloody withstand nearly a week of pain for practically the entirety of her lifetime, she was sure she could endure voluntary pain.

And James— soon to be King James, this James who did not write any new additions to the Bible— looked quite handsome, more than handsome, in his wedding attire, and if looks were a major prerequisite in who she deemed the love of her life, then he was most definitely the love of her life, what with his tousled hair that had still somehow made him a million times more attractive and his suit, embellished with intricate designs that probably cost more than her modern lifetime was worth.

Unfortunately— or perhaps fortunately— she did not date based solely on looks, though she’d much prefer if a man was at least decent looking, not exactly wanting to kiss a pair of lips that belonged to any unattractive man, in both the figurative and literal sense, if she even got that far with someone.

When they’d said their wedding vows, which was quite the difference from what she was accustomed to back in her real time and had only really included them agreeing to everything that the minister was saying, they were told to seal their vows off with a kiss, which, honestly, she should have expected. It brought her back to her other point about kissing briefly, but he’d leaned forward not too soon after, his eyes asking for her consent before she nodded smally. He smiled softly at her, pressing his lips against hers, though not for too long.

The length of the kiss didn’t matter though. How could it matter, when he’d so obviously invested in this time’s equivalent to chapstick, his lips so soft and lush against hers, but more importantly, when his touch had sent warmth, fire, throughout her body, starting from her lips to every other part of her, and she nearly, almost, thought that she was getting married to a man that she loved, because no one had most definitely made her feel this way from just a kiss.

The cheers from the crowds pulled them apart, and she snapped out of it, pulling away, but not too harshly to the point that someone would notice her haste to get away from him. She’d nearly missed the manner in which his face had been contorted, twisted together as if he was confused by something, but it quickly shifted to content, almost as if he hadn’t been taken aback in the first place.

If he could be nonplussed about it, she could be as well.

It was easier said than done.

*****

“The roses are as red as your hair,” he pointed out one day as they walked through the gardens together, his hands in his pockets rather than intertwined with hers, despite the new title that they carried with one another. It was probably for the better, anyway, because it was a bit awkward already with her having no chance but to move into his bedroom, though he’d been insistent that she take the bed and he the small lounge chair. She argued back that he had loads of empty bedrooms in the castle, and it wouldn’t at all hurt for her to just move in across the room or stay in the room that she’d taken to staying in the night before their marriage.

Obviously, their argument led to both of them sharing the bed together, because the grand size of it was more than enough to bed an entire family of dwarfs without any discomfort on any of their ends.

“You’re going to be a bit more original if you want to flatter me.”

“Why? We’re already married.”

“Married, not in love,” she pointed out, and she felt a small burst of victory at the way his lip had twitched in response. He leaned down to the flowers, pinching the stem with his fingers, careful not to prick himself on one of the thorns, and he managed to procure a rose, still fully intact, holding it out to her.

“Is your heart fluttering, my love?” he asked her, and she didn’t want to satisfy him, didn’t want him to know that her heart wasn’t merely fluttering but was blowing at approximately 156 miles per hour, almost the exact speed of that of a category 5 hurricane. She told herself that he was only using the dear phrase ironically, but to see an attractive man holding an equally beautiful flower out to her was nearly enough to just send chillpricks down her spine.

“‘Is your garden all right?’ is the real question,” she retorted, though she still accepted the flower from his hand. She’d have put it in her hair if it didn’t blend in with the colour, and what honestly was the point if one couldn’t see the work of nature? “You’ve killed this flower, you have.”

“There’s loads of opportunities for it to get replaced. The way that I see it, nature still carries on, and the next bunch will be as equally nice.”

“You’re getting quite poetic, you know,” she chirped, “Is it a course you’re required to take as a prince?”

“Flattering beautiful women?” he asked, cocking his head to the side.

She snorted. “If that’s a course, then I’d say you’ve failed.”

“Is that so?”

“Oh, big time.”

“I’m sorry. I’d thought I’d passed because I ended up marrying the prettiest woman in this kingdom. World, even,” he apologised, though he had absolutely no reason to be, and the amusement in his tone told her that he was well aware of that fact as well. He held his hand out to her, and she merely looked at it, confused as to what he was insinuating. “Shall we continue onwards?”

She continued staring at his hand, the offending hand that had plucked a rose just for her to scorn at, and when she didn’t reach out, he sighed, stuffing it back into his pocket before walking forward without waiting for her. “Oi!” she called out, and he stopped, turning around to look at her with a small pleased expression on his face, “You can’t just drop a compliment to me and then leave. That’s not very chivalrous of someone as noble as you are.”

With that, she pulled his hand out of his pocket, slapping her hand into his and squeezing it tightly, out of emphasis more than anything else. “Then, would you say that I have passed my class of courting women?”

“Oh, sure,” she replied nonchalantly as they resumed walking, “I’d even say you’re top of your class.”

“Is that the case?”

She made a sound of agreement. “Considering the fact that you’d essentially be the only pupil, yes.”

He sighed dramatically, unclasping their hands so that he could clutch his heart. “Oh, you wound me, my love.”

“I suppose that means that you’ve also failed your defense classes.”

“Oh, not I,” he refuted, having taken to holding her hand once again and consequently filling her heart with flowers nearly akin to the bright red roses decorating the walkways of the castle grounds, “I merely let you defeat me this round.”

“And if we were to battle without going easy on the other?”

“Your question implies that you truly don’t know the outcome of such an event.”

“I’d like to know your take on it.”

“The answer is quite obvious.”

“To an opinionated question?” she retorted, stifling a snort, “Oh, yes. Please, enlighten the slow thinkers.”

His lips quirked upwards, and he zeroed in on her face, close enough so that if he were to exhale an obnoxious breath right onto her, she’d feel every single particle of his breath on her face. “I’d win.”

This time, she did snort, and the atmosphere had been ruined so much by his response that she probably should have expected— she did expect it really, and if not, then he would have said something along the lines of how he’d never not give up the opportunity to let her win to gain her favour. It caused her to drop her hand from his, and it flew up to her mouth instead, hiding her smile as she laughed at his ridiculousness. “I don’t doubt that you’ve all the brawn and brute, but god, I just—”

She couldn’t finish her sentence, laughing even more at his response, not out of rudeness, but more out of the fact that it was just so him, this man that she’d only known for the most of a week, this man that she was bloody married to, whether she liked it or not, and the situation felt all the better when he joined in with her, with his eyes crinkling and shining and lips drawn upwards to reveal the dimple on his right cheek. He looked victorious in having been able to draw such a reaction from her, and with that, it only served to make him look so much more attractive than he already was, because there was something so beautiful about how a genuine smile could enhance a person’s features so much.

When their laughter died down, his smile remained, and his gaze upon her held curiosity as if it was difficult to pull away from her face, his honey-coloured eyes gleaming. Each time that he tried to pry his smile from his face, it only bounced back as if it were a magnet drawn towards her. “Princess.”

“Lily,” she corrected him, and he nodded easily.

“Lily,” he said, and the next words that fell out his lips came out rushed, as if they were kayaking in turbulent waters. “May I kiss you? Only there’s something so captivating about the way you smile, and I’d feel as if my heart might deflate if I couldn’t give you at least one genuine kiss.”

She felt herself swallowing at his admission, because there was something so sincere in his words, which were so swirling with apprehension that he’d be shot down, that she couldn’t even pull herself to turning him down even if she didn’t want to kiss him, and heaven knows that she would be an absolute idiot to tell him no.

Her mind flashed back to the fairytales that she’d read as a child, the magic ever so present in the air when she read the expected ‘happily ever after’ near the end of the story, where she was filled with content knowing that all of the actions of the princess had not been all for naught. It was strange now to be put in a similar situation, with the prince’s desires all balled up in the hopes that she told him the simple, three-lettered word that would change everything between them.

“What?” she said instead, blinking up at him.

No, no, no. This was not the word she was supposed to say. It was one letter too many, and right now, they could have been—

No.

She could still fix this, could still secure that momentary happily ever after, that momentary happy for now, because there was no denying the feelings that she held for him. She laughed at the movies where the two main characters had fallen all too easily for one another, had scorned them, having thought that this was far too unrealistic to ever happen to anyone, yet alone her, a romantic at heart and at soul, despite never having really found the one person to stand beside in times of comfort and need.

But it couldn’t be helped now, her feelings that was. Perhaps she’d been sent back to this time because she’d easily been born in the wrong time and place, or maybe this was all a fluke, that the universe hadn’t at all intended for her to be taken back by a few centuries.

Oh, what did it matter?

She wanted to kiss him. She’d be lying to herself and the universe if she said that she hadn’t thought about how soft his lips felt or how she most definitely had not dreamed about him, even though physically he was beside her when all of these unconscious experiences had manifested in her mind. He was sweet and charming and shared her sense of humour, not to mention just how undeniable beautiful he was.

She cleared her throat. “Yes. You can kiss me. Please,” she added, just as an afterthought, and his eyes, which had been widened at her abrupt response, seemed to shine even brighter, and the sensations which she’d been thinking of for nearly the past week had come to her once again as soon as his lips has fallen onto hers, his hands cupping her chin gently.

His lips tasted of sugar, were sweet as sugar, and the rose in her hand fell to the ground, though she did not pay it much heed, knowing that he’d continue to pluck more from the bushes surrounding them as he deemed fit. His hands flew up to her hair, pulled into a nice, neat plait, and she heard the sounds of an hour of work on her hair being thrown to the dust, the pins falling to the ground as he undid it, threading his fingers— rough yet gentle— through her loosened strands before his hands returned to her face, tracing her cheeks as if he were mesmerised by them, by her.

It was absolutely nothing compared to their wedding kids that they’d share, because now, they had no audience to watch, no one to see just how nearly passionate they were together. It was as if the moon collided with the sun, fell right against him, yet rather than darkness that would fall upon the world, their connection sent sunshine all around, as if this was all meant to be, as if he universe had made it so that they were supposed to meet, only except she’d been born in the wrong time and this was the only way for them to ever come across one another.

Perhaps, perhaps, they were soulmates, two parts that made up one, just as the sun and the moon came together in times of an eclipse, drawing astonishment from the collective world because of just how perfectly they seemed to fit with one another.

And maybe she was exaggerating it just a bit— after all, they’d only known each other for such a short time— but, of course, her feelings could really be summed up with the fact that she didn’t want this kiss to end, didn’t want him to pull away just yet, just ever.

Like all good things though, it had to come to an end, though she hoped there would be many more, and—

Wait.

No.

There couldn’t be more, and she couldn’t at all remember the last time a man had given her such irrational thoughts, because returning to her own real time was so much more important than how bloody sweet his lips tasted or just how soft his hair felt beneath her fingertips as they thrummed through the motions of such a moment. It didn’t— shouldn’t— matter just how warm he made her feel, sending a fiery sensation throughout her body, tiptoeing to every one of her vital organs and setting them aflame.

She had to go back, and he was well aware of the fact that she didn’t belong her just as much she understood that mere fact, meaning that this was quite possibly the worst decision she’d ever made in her life, but—

Oh, who was she kidding? This was most definitely not the worst of her many mistakes, wasn’t even a mistake, really, not when he was just so good at what he was doing, and when she felt him pulling away, she pulled him right back, her lips curving upwards when he didn’t protest her actions.

“Lily,” he murmured, and she hummed in response, feeling his lips leave hers, “Are we perhaps going a bit too far?”

“People kiss all the time,” she replied, and from the look on his face, she quickly added, “From what I’m used to seeing, I mean.”

“But, what about…?” he asked, trailing off, and he blinked at her, his eyebrows drawing together adorably in confusion as his eyes diverted up from her face up to her hair as he reached out for the strands. “Did I do this?”

“It’s more of what you undid, really,” she said, smiling lightly as she ran her fingers through the waves, feeling a few knots as she made her way downwards. He looked at her in disbelief, as if he wasn’t quite sure if she truly was fine with what he had done, but then he reflected her smile, an easy-going smile that went well with the roses surrounding his image as she saw him.

“It’s pretty. You’re pretty. No, beautiful. If you’ve any synonyms that bring your appearance more justice, do tell. ‘Beautiful’ doesn’t even fully describe how beautiful you are.”

She felt her cheeks redden at his admission. “I suppose your words do make my face turn as red as the roses.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that, my love. You’re just as lovely as the roses.”

His words only served to brighten the red on her cheeks, and she pulled him down to her height once more.

*****

The week turned into weeks, and then months, and with each passing day, with each passing second, she felt her feelings turning into something real, yet almost so out of this world that she couldn’t possibly fathom just how strongly she felt towards James, this man, who was quite possibly so imperfectly perfect that he couldn’t truly be real.

And falling in love with him was just as easy as loving the roses created to fill the world with just a bit more beauty, with just the desire to send more happiness throughout the world, especially when the sight of such brought delight to the faces of those who were lovely enough to receive them in dozens. He filled her world with his beauty and his ability to easily bring a smile to her face, whether it was from his ostentatious declarations or his humorous words, it did not matter, because he was such a joy in her world that it was bleak to think of without him.

She didn’t want to think about returning home.

It was a topic that they both avoided, because she knew that he knew that she didn’t want to talk about it, and he respected her enough to not bring it up to her, not until she was ready to bring it up herself.

They had been walking over the bridge, the very same one that overlooked the pond that had brought her to this place— the kingdom of Gryffindor—, with her arms strung around his, a sure tell sign to the rest of the kingdom of just how very well they felt towards one another, if their other unsubtle displays of affection didn’t already show it.

“There is a solar eclipse tonight,” he told her, “Do you think it would bring you back?”

“I don’t know,” she said honestly, “I haven’t thought of it.”

“I know that this is completely wrong of me to say, but would it change anything to tell you that I don’t want you to go?”

She shook her head. “It’s completely understandable. I don’t want to leave you. I— I don’t even know what will happen. Will anything even happen? What if I leave you alone for the rest of your—“

He cut her off with a kiss, a slow, loving kiss that seemed to melt all her worries away, even if just for a small given moment. “Please don’t entertain that thought. Let’s cherish this time together. I know you can’t stay here forever.”

She took a deep breath, smiling softly at him, memorising every inch of his features, knowing that this might very well be the last time she’d ever make contact with the golden sequins that were his eyes or feel his warm embrace, so warm that he was practically the sun to her moon, shining so bright that all she could do is reflect his light to the best of her abilities in an attempt to pay tribute to his brilliance. “James—”

He cut her off by securing his arms around her, holding her in a tight embrace, and she didn’t want him to let go, not now, not ever. He rested his chin on her shoulder, telling her softly, “A lot of things are uncertain. We could have been in love 100 years ago. We could be in love 100 years from now. We don’t know that, but what I do know is that right now, I am so in love with you, Lily. I will always be in love with you.”

She froze in his arms, though inside of her, she felt just about every single inch of her bursting with movement, what with the manner in which her heart was racing and her lungs so in need of air, because his words echoed within her, a drum that proclaimed that he felt just as strongly as she felt towards him. And each heartbeat of hers measured the time that passed between his words and her silence, and she felt tears stinging her eyes, her arms gripping him tighter as she buried her face into his chest, a place that she’d found to be her comfort as of late.

She felt like such an idiot, because any rational person would know that it was absolutely idiotic to fall for someone who they couldn’t have, or at least for a person who was born centuries before, in a time that was completely far off from one’s own time, yet here she was, so in love that it was hard to breathe, hard to completely process every thought that struck her as she looked at him.

He felt her shaking slightly, she could tell, because he suddenly reached up to wipe at her eyes, “Don’t cry, my love,” he told her gently, and her heart nearly burst, because she would most likely never hear those endearing terms of affection from him, from anyone, ever again, and he had raised the bar so high that she’d never find anyone else, not that she wanted to find anyone else. “We’re soulmates, remember?”

“Are we?” she asked, sniffling lightly, “I don’t believe we’ve established that.”

He didn’t take her words seriously though, just as she knew that he wouldn’t, and he smiled at her, pulling away from her to press a kiss on her lips, one too was far too quick for her to respond to, but before she could deepen it, he retracted from her. “Say that we’re soulmates.”

“The universe’s decision to drop me off in front of your castle does not constitute us as soulmates.”

“It does.”

“It does not.”

“So you are saying we’re soulmates?” he asked her, and she looked at him with an eyebrow raised, her eyes narrowed slightly before softening quickly at the sight of him.

“Yes,” she answered, and he laughed, reaching forward to press another kiss on her lips. She was overcome with a feeling, a feeling of what felt like bliss mixed in with something else, as he deepened the kiss, her hands tracing his face and her eyes closed. It quite possibly looked to be the most perfect moment of her life, with them standing over the bridge overlooking the mysterious waters, a serene and tranquil scene, with both of them not knowing that at that very moment, the water was reflecting the passing of the moon over the sun, blocking nearly all light from reaching the surface of the earth.

She didn’t think that this would be the last second she’d ever spend with him.

It was the very last thought that raced through her mind as she felt all energy seep from her bones and dissipate into the air. She hadn’t gotten the opportunity to tell him that she loved him, no matter how much she knew that he knew the true extent of her feelings, because words gave power to meanings, and she had to say it, had to, but then her eyes flew shut, and—

She felt herself collapsing into his arms, a soft thud that was undoubtedly nothing compared to how heavy she felt their hearts sink.

*****

She felt herself coughing up water, and she knew that there was really only one logical explanation as to what had just happened to her, but she still didn’t want to open her eyes, because to open her eyes would mean that she wouldn’t see him anywhere in her sight.

Still, she braced herself, her eyes opening slowly, only to be greeted by the sun, glaring brightly at her, such a juxtaposition to the pain within her that only made her heart pang, a soft reminder of how much she’d compared him to the sun, and the moon, which was far from the sun now, was a sure-tell sign that the eclipse had come to an abrupt end.

He was gone.

He wasn’t anywhere in the crowds that had gathered around her, curious to see who had somehow managed to nearly drown during a time of a solar eclipse— a phenomenon that happened just as often as one met the love of their lives— and had also somehow managed to take their eyes off of said eclipse. She’d looked not once, not twice, but three times for him, and she’d strained her ears in hopes that he would call out to her using the cursed phrase that never failed to make her heart fly, that wonderfully wretched ‘My love,’ but he wasn’t there, wasn’t anywhere.

She wondered if he felt as lonely as she felt right now, even with all of these people surrounding her, but she pushed that thought to the side, if just temporarily, because she was greeted with the sight of her family, her family that she hadn’t seen in so long, and perhaps, she would be able to move on from him, her first love, with the passing of time.

Soulmates, he had said— they had said.

She remembered the book that he’d so brought up to her, one with a scarlet red spine with the title Eternally Bonded, but she’d never so once as picked it up, never having the need to because he’d described enough of it to her for her to completely visualize it. Now though, she needed to find this book to get closure from it more than anything else, because she couldn’t very well tell anyone about what she had gone through in those seeming ten minutes— ten minutes that had actually turned out to be four months— that she’d been away.

She didn’t want to entertain the fact that it could have been a dream. It couldn’t have been a dream, because it felt so vivid and real that she couldn’t have possibly conjured up such images, couldn’t have possibly fallen in love with a figment of her own imagination.

He was real, and that book would prove it to her. She had to find it, quickly, because each morning, she’d slowly but surely wake up with one less detail about him forgotten. She didn’t want to forget about him, and so she’d ventured to the library in search of answers.

She needed to know his fate, couldn’t even ring him up to ask because he wasn’t there to answer.

It led her to a visit to the only place in the world with the answers.

The library was quiet, a peaceful atmosphere that only served to increase the surge of thoughts about him flowing through her head, as she very well didn’t have a distraction to occupy her mind, and a quick search in showed that the library did indeed have a copy of the original book, directing her to the history section.

Luck, as she had it, would of course place the book at the very top shelf, the only shelf that she couldn’t reach because she had not been blessed with height, and she wouldn’t have been mad, knowing that practically nobody in search of a good read came to the library to read history, had it not been for the fact that the answer that she’d so desperately searched for was right there, out of her reach.

“Someone looks like they’re having some trouble there,” a voice said behind her, and she jumped about a foot or two off of the ground at the suddenness, though there was something so familiar about the voice that she couldn’t help but to turn around, the sight of such causing her heart to lurch, causing her to remember the exact shade of his eyes, lovely and golden and brown, a detail that she shamed herself in forgetting.

He was right there, not in his royal wear, but in a green hoodie and square glasses, staring at her with amusement written all over his face, and she wanted to cry, wanted to laugh because he was there. “James—”

He blinked at her, amusement turning into confusion. “I— yeah, that’d be my name. Dunno how you know it, but yeah. That’d be it.” He looked at her strangely, easily reaching up to take the book that she so seeked, but before she could take it from his hands and thank him, he read the description of it on the book aloud. “You actually buy this soulmate crap? Sounds like a load of rubbish, if you ask me.”

If she hadn’t physically fallen upon her knees, then her heart was kicked to the curb instead.

This wasn’t him, wasn’t her James, no matter how much he looked like him, how much he sounded like him, because her James was a strong believer in fate, and her heart hung heavier than it did the past week at the realisation that she would never see him again. She tried to snatch the book from his hands, but he was much taller than her, so much to the point that she didn’t stand a chance in retrieving it from him. “Right, I believe that it’s a load of rubbish to be insulting the interests of someone you don’t even know.”

“Is that how you feel?” he responded, his lips quirking upwards, and she merely raised an eyebrow at him. He stuck out the hand that wasn’t holding the book out to her, saying, “I’d tell you my name, but apparently you already know it.”

She scrutinised his hand, though she didn’t shake it, folding her arms instead. “Lily Evans.”

“Perfect,” he grinned, “We’re not so much as strangers now, are we?”

“Oh, sure,” she replied dryly, “I’d even consider us friends if you let me—” She made another attempt to take the book from his books but failed, his arm pulling upwards at the last second to keep her from taking it. “—Have the bloody book.”

It was quite terrifying at the fact that he looked so much like him, was a carbon copy of her James and shared his name, the only real difference being that he wasn’t as this cocky as she’d remembered him to be, but at her frustration, he smiled, a smile that was just so him, a smile that brought warmth to her heart, a wonder that she would later marvel at. Right now, though, she was irritated by him, and so she took it upon herself to shift all of her weight onto a foot, stepping on his shoe, to which he let out a small yelp, and when his grip on the book loosened, she pried it from his fingers, letting out a quick apology before leaving him.

It wasn’t long until she’d settled down at a table when he decided to occupy the next seat right beside her, similar to a persistent bug whose goal was to annoy her to no end.

“What are you doing?” she asked him.

“Goes to say a lot if I’ve taken to hanging out in a bloody library, doesn’t it?”

“I’m sure when this library was built its creators had much better purposes in mind rather than to let people chat up strangers.”

“You’ve forgotten one small fact,” he brought up, the corner of his lip rising, “We’re not strangers.”

“Right, because knowing someone’s name makes you perfectly knowledgeable about them.”

“Precisely,” he grinned, and he picked up the book from her, not out of her reach, but just enough to examine it, “You think it’s weird that this was in the history section, though? I’d have expected it to be of the Lord of the Rings genre, fantasy and all of that.”

“I heard you the first time you called the concept of soulmates rubbish. Just because you don’t believe in love—”

“I said I didn’t believe in soulmates, not love.”

She scoffed at him, flipping open the book, and hypocrisy seemed to be looking at her directly in the eye when he leaned over to get a view of the pages. “You seem quite interested for someone who doesn’t believe in the contents of this book.”

“‘Course I’m interested,” he replied easily, shooting her a grin, and she tried her hardest to not grimace at him, because it shouldn’t— doesn’t— matter how much he looked and sounded like her love. Her heart should not flutter at his words; it’d been much too short for her to have such a reaction from someone else, no matter the technicalities that held that it had been centuries since she’d been with her love, no matter the fact that she had to move on.

She flipped open the page rather than saying a word to him. He at least had the mind to not say anything else, though he’d moved the book over so that he could get a good view of the pages, and she resigned, letting him read along with her so as to keep him quiet, but her hopes were thrown to the dust, because of course he was one of the types to always have something to say.

“As the world would have it, soulmates cannot live in a world without the other. In such cases, the universe may work to bring them together, just as the sun and the moon align in three dimensions,” he read, and he scoffed, opening his mouth to add a comment, but she quickly cut him off.

“Where do you see that?” she asked, because she’d only just finished reading the first page, and nowhere did it say anything about an eclipse.

“Right here,” he said, tapping the part that she’d yet to read, and she wondered how he was able to read so quickly, unless he’d taken to skimming, but from his manner, she had a feeling that he was reading it word-for-word, bit-by-bit in order to scour every piece of information he could get just to prove his argument. “Are you telling me that you really think this is legitimate? It’s about as believable as astrology.”

“That’s rich coming from you. I’m surprised you haven’t asked for my birthday to check our compatibility.”

He grinned at her. “If you wanted to know my birthday, you could have just asked, Evans.”

“Thanks, but I’ll pass.”

Her eyes continued flying over the page, ignoring the rush that her heart got from their banter, and as he drummed his fingers against the table, she could tell that he was waiting for her to finish reading.

There has never been an instance where two souls have been separated from one another through life and death. They will always unite in their next life.

Those mere lines caused her to heart to thrum out with hope, that she hadn’t left him alone by himself, hadn’t merely brought feeling to his heart only for her to squash it down, because if these lines were true, then she hadn’t left him, not really, if the universe had a way of making two people eternally happy upon meeting one another. She’d probably left the boy sitting beside her terrified, because the change in her disposition was so sudden, so quick to change, that anyone would have been startled by her.

It had meant that she was to be united with him once again.

And as she turned around to face him, feeling stars in her eyes and in her heart, it was as if the revelation had impaired her vision, because the way he was looking at her made her heart fill with love, a look that was so strikingly identical to that of her love’s that it terrified her. His gaze seemed to be burning a hole into her, so intense that she couldn’t help but shiver, an action that snapped him out of it as he cocked an eyebrow at her.

That moment, seemingly, was short-lasting.

“You cold?” he asked her, and before she could answer, without any hesitation, he pulled his sweatshirt over his head, handing it out to her as the bulges in his arms were revealed, “Here.”

“I’m not cold,” she said stubbornly, but he didn’t appear to believe her, his arm still spread out towards her.

“Don’t make me force this onto you.”

“I hope you realise that even if I was cold, I wouldn’t accept it. We’re not close like that,” she replied, and, as an afterthought, she added, “And wouldn’t that just make you cold?”

“Nah. I don’t get cold.”

“The hairs standing up on your arms say otherwise.”

“You must be staring pretty hard to notice my arm hairs.”

“I’ve got to look somewhere if a certain someone is keeping me from staring at these pages.”

“I’m doing you a favour by keeping you from reading.”

“You’ve been reading with me,” she pointed out, “For whatever reason that’s beyond me.”

He flashed her a lopsided smile, placing his arm with his sweatshirt down on the table. “Right? I dunno. It’s just— you look so bloody familiar to me and I don’t even know why.”

“I’m sure it’s because you’ve seen loads of redheads with green eyes around.”

He shook his head. “Not any as pretty as you. Sorry. Is that too forward of me?”

“I kind of got that some forwardness when you told me you were interested in me,” she deadpanned, though it didn’t at all mean that his words didn’t send a torrent of feelings to her heart, because they most definitely had, and she wanted to think it was all because of how much he looked like her love, but the small part of her knew that that wasn’t the case, that there was some deeper meaning.

She knew that it couldn’t just be coincidence that she’d stumbled upon someone who looked exactly like her James, sounded exactly like her James, had the same name as her James, especially when it had so happened that the same exact event had occurred before, where the Prince had found her to be the exact copy of the Princess whose life she’d temporarily taken over.

And it made her brain hurt to think about, but when forced to ponder her situation, she had to endure the pain, had to unlock the mystery surrounding the concept of soulmates, because the contents of this book was true, had to be true if its words were specifically describing what she’d gone through. If such was the case— no, no ifs, because it most definitely was the case— then it’d meant that her soul had gone back to the time where her past self had nearly died to fix the gap in time in which a soul was nearly about to walk this earth without its other half.

It had so happened that her soulmate had exchanged his rich fabrics for a comfortable hoodie that he was now offering to her as well as, apparently, a look of concern when she didn’t respond to whatever it was that he had to say, something that was most likely intended to work her nerves— the kind of annoyance that made her want to both roll her eyes until they fell out of her head while also laughing at his antics.

“Lily?” he asked her, and she blinked at him, his eyes filled with concern.

“I— sorry. What was it?”

He smiled at her and, of course, as she should have expected, he said, “I’m still offering up my sweatshirt if you want to wear it.”

“Oh, unfortunately, I’ve yet to change my mind in these past five minutes concerning sweatshirt offers.”

“Sweatshirts are bloody great and all, but you know,” he started, sighing loudly as he leaned back in his chair, “Sometimes I feel like I was born in the wrong century.”

She stopped in her tracks, turning towards him, “Oh?”

“Yeah. I’d literally die to wear giant hoop skirts of the Elizabethan period,” he said seriously without any semblance of humour except for that small smile begging to grow on his face, and she scoffed at him.

She nearly reached over to take that hoodie from his hands, even if just to shut him up.

Nearly.

*****

The soft squeaks of her boots against the wet pavement filled the air as the sky, which had been giving way to the clouds swirling in the sky, was nowhere to be seen, and in its memory were the droplets of rain coming down upon the ground.

She hadn’t really made any plans to leave the house that day, knowing that the weather forecast warned her of the impending doom that was to be the rain, but it was the day that her book was to be due and she’d had no other choice but to renew it, not exactly wanting to let go of the entire concept of soulmates right away.

It was probably not one of the best outfits to parade out in public with— wellies and an oversized tee was an insinuation that she was making no effort to look presentable— but then again, it wasn’t as if anyone was to see her, wasn’t as if she was even trying to impress anyone. She’d have thrown on a rain jacket if it was the cold sort of rain, but, because of the lovely geographic location of London each day, it was not. A jacket and the hot weather were not to be mixed with, no matter the current fashions trends.

She made her way in and out of the library, the librarian in charge thankfully not judging her for her wear, or, perhaps a better way to put it was not visibly judging her, but it didn’t matter altogether because she’d come to the library too often to not know all of the workers by name, and this woman was a kind saint named Margaret, who did not comment on her attire. She was sure she’d come in this heavenly place in much worse wear, so it was nothing less than a surprise, really.

And it was easy enough, a simple few-step procedure that should have taken the most of thirty minutes that accounted for the time coming and going, but, because the universe tended to gravitate towards making the simplest matters into that of an incomprehension complexity, she’d been far too optimistic about the prospects of the very near future.

If she’d only continued to look straight ahead, no glances to the sides whatsoever, she wouldn’t have seen a head of black with water dripping down, making large splashes onto his sweatshirt and onto the ground, acting as if his mere appearance wasn’t sending chills to her heart. Idiot, she thought, because why was he wearing that when it was so clearly raining outside, when the rich material looked as if it was easy to ruin from exposure to rain, when he was so clearly wet from the weather, not even an umbrella in sight as he stood there commiserating with the depressing forces of nature.

“Ja— Potter,” she called out, and he looked up from his phone, his eyes snapping up towards her, looking so nearly akin to a lost puppy, though his expression quickly shifted as he caught sight of her, slipping his phone into his pocket as if it wouldn’t just make it wet as he was.

They’d made loads of encounters beforehand, seeing each other at least twice a week, and even though it took some time, he’d managed to chip away at her exterior, much to her chagrin. She couldn’t believe her resolves had been worn away just like that because he was so irritatingly himself, and she couldn’t at all bring herself to resist him.

“Lily,” he responded, an easygoing smile falling onto his face, and his hand flew up to pull his hair off of his face, walking towards her and stopping once he’d left a reasonable distance between them. He tapped at her book. “Not the best idea to get something so susceptible to the rain, is it?”

She shrugged lightly, tucking her loose hair behind her ears. “I’m sure if this book can withstand centuries of wear and tear, a little summer rain won’t do too much damage.”

“Is that what you call it?” he asked her, and he tugged at his sweatshirt to emphasize his words, “Don’t know what you’ve gone through, but I think this constitutes as more than just ‘summer rain’, as you so put it.”

“I think you’re a bit biased, considering the fact that you’ve no umbrella to shield you from the rain.”

“I think you’re a bit biased, considering the fact that you do have an umbrella to shield you from the rain.”

“Oh, but of course,” she replied, fighting a small smile, “How else can I protect myself from the rain?”

“Easy. Stay indoors,” he said, and she was nearly about to point out the hypocrisy in his statement, but the way he was smiling widely at her showed that he absolutely knew the implications of his words. She shoved the umbrella into his arms, and he was easily taken by surprise at her brash actions. “You don’t expect me to take this, do you?”

“I don’t expect you to act all high and noble, Prince James,” she shot back, “I don’t want you getting more wet than you already are. You’ll catch a cold.”

“This may be hard to realise, but I’m already wet. Very wet, actually, if you couldn’t discern from the fact that it looks like I’ve literally stepped out of the shower in my clothes.”

“I— why didn’t you bring an umbrella?” she asked him, ignoring his tongue-in-cheek response.

He shrugged. “You’d laugh.”

“I wouldn’t.”

“You’re right,” he sighed dramatically, “You’ve so obviously been holding in laughter from the very start since we’ve met, and all I’ve wanted was to make you smile.” She nearly began to respond when he put his hand up. “You know that saying, ‘Time goes by when you’re having fun?’” She nodded. “I reckon I had a bit too much fun in the library. Went in there at opening hours to study because my mum sort of owns it on the side and it’d be a waste if it was forsaken. My arse didn’t pay attention to the weather forecast, and… yeah. I got wet because I thought I could make it home, but obviously that didn’t work out the way I wanted it to.”

“Your mum…” she started, trailing off as the words processed in her mind. “Sorry. I— no, that’s not a matter to laugh at. It’s— it’s cute, actually.”

“What, my mum owning a library?” he asked with amusement.

“No,” she huffed, not able to fully understand why she was so attracted to him. “The studying bit is cute.”

“Ah, that’s only because I go so early in hopes that you’ll come in.”

Oh, right.

That was why she was so attracted to him, what with his casual flirtations, as if he wasn’t sending her heart soaring through the sky, in the midst of all of the rain, the action for him seeming to be as easy it was to breathe. There was also the fact that he was naturally her soulmate, their electromagnetic forces so strong that it seemed that it was nearly impossible for them to be separated, and apparently, it was impossible if they couldn’t seem to escape from one another through another lifetime.

They’d found each other once again.

She poked him lightly with the umbrella. “You are not getting sick because of me, you big idiot.”

“Actually, I’ll be getting sick from devouring literature and history, thank you very much,” he said, throwing her a lopsided grin, “Also with the occasional science, and, even more on occasion, Lord of the Rings.”

She held her book, properly enclosed in a bag, to her chest, and was just a bit affronted at his joke. “And to think I was going to offer to share my umbrella with you.”

Time, it appeared, seemed to fly by quickly, just as quick as he was to pounce, and he eagerly took the umbrella from her hand, opening it up and pulling her close to her, positioning the umbrella so that it hung over both of them. His arm was snugly around her, sending rains of emotions that pounded onto her heart. “I’d be an absolute ponce to turn you down like that.”

“You’re an absolute ponce if you thought you could make it through all of this rain.”

“I’ve a hoodie. Do you really blame me? You could own the world with a hoodie if you really wanted to,” he replied, stopping momentarily, “Oi, where are we headed?”

“You’re the one with the umbrella, aren’t you? I think our main goal right now is getting you home.”

“It’s your umbrella, so it obviously means that we’re walking you home first.”

“That doesn’t—”

“It means I get to return your umbrella to you on another occasion,” he cut her off, smiling broadly, “Only if you’re fine with seeing me again, obviously.”

She blinked at him, once, then twice, then once more again, and then her shoulders sagged slightly. “I can’t even argue with you. You know I’d love to see you again.”

“I didn’t, actually, but validation still feels good anyway.”

She hummed in response, and with the rain pit-pattering down onto the umbrella and onto the ground, it made a relaxing scene for the two of them. Their feet were nearly in sync with the other— left then right then left again— when, of course, her umbrella decided to flip inside out at this very instant.

“Oh god. Why, why, why—”

James threw the umbrella to the side, not hesitating one second as he pulled his sweatshirt off over his head— a nice, maroon colour today—  and used it in place of the cursed umbrella, holding it over her head rather than over his own as he led them somewhere safe with a cover, but there was just something so kind about his gesture, something so familiar about it that she couldn’t help but lead her eyes towards his face, so intent on taking her to safety.

“James—” she started, not sure exactly how this turn of events had occurred, but he wasn’t stopping, not until there was no more rain pelting down onto them, onto her.

“Lily, come on. You don’t want to get wet. You’ll get sick, yeah?”

“Yes, but—”

“I sort of dragged you into this. Don’t get sick on my accord.”

“It’s really not your fault—”

“I don’t reckon it’s the best idea to argue in the rain. We really should—”

She cut him off with a kiss to the lips, standing up on the very tips of her toes and shutting him up effectively.

It was sweet and salty, just as popcorn was, with the rain intermixing with the taste of his lips, which hadn’t exactly parted open yet, because he was standing there with shock written all over his face, his lovely, gorgeous face that truly had been sculpted by the universe and defined by the stars and eyes as golden as the radiance that came from the sun. Gold met green, just as the sun’s rays shone down onto the loveliness of the Earth, and from their closeness she could make out the small freckle dotting his skin just below his left eye.

His fingers, poised over her head, had appeared to freeze, as if their touch stopped all of time, as if the universe decided to give her all the time in the world to study each and every one of his features.

And when he finally moved, a signal, his arms closed around her, one falling around her waist and the other, and the felt the weight of the world falling off of her shoulders, because the manner in which his lips moved against hers was so strikingly similar that she’d have to be absolute idiot to think that this wasn’t her James. She was suddenly taken back to the sweet smell of flowers in the air, a rose in his hand rather than his hoodie, and she was hit with how much these events were paralleled with one another, how a kiss can take her back by many centuries while her feet remained in the same place.

But rather than the lovely crimson roses, they were met with rain instead, and somehow, it made it all the more lovelier because it made it their moment in this present time, in this lifetime. What hadn’t changed, though, was the fact that he still glowed, still shined for her, and the way in which he was holding her, with him cupping her chin gently, that sweatshirt of his having been forsaken about fifty fallen raindrops ago, was so reminiscent of what she’d gone through with him in the past.

It was beautifully tragic and sweet.

She was most definitely getting sick, which had been further supported by the fact that she’d already gone mad from kissing someone in the rain, an idea that she’d thought to have become too overrated from how it was presented in the films, but now, she felt that she didn’t want to let go, didn’t want him to pull away.

But, of course, because the universe and time allowed them, they’d have all the time in the world to entertain to the other���s affections, all the lifetimes. It was the catalyst that made her pull away from him, if just for now.

When her eyes fluttered open, her eyelashes catching some of the rain that had fallen, rather than a grin, he stood there, astonishment written over his face as if she hadn’t really kissed him, as if he couldn’t comprehend this turn of events. “I’m sorry,” she said quickly, like he hadn’t kissed her back.

“For what? It’s kind of what I’ve wanted to do with you as soon as I laid my eyes on you. That among other things, like holding your hand and talking about our feelings.”

She didn’t even bother to hide the red growing on her cheeks, instead choosing to pick up his hoodie from the ground. “I’m sorry for ruining your sweatshirt, then.”

“I’ve got millions of them,” he said, waving it off, and his hands flew upwards to brush his hair off of his face, “I do reckon we’re going to catch a cold, though.”

“It’s fine,” she smiled, “It’s worth it, I’d say, if our first kiss in this lifetime was in the rain. That’s quite the romance I look for in life.”

“This lifetime?” he repeated with a cock of his head, “You saying we’re soulmates?”

She didn’t delight him with an answer, instead tugging at his hand, saying, “Let’s get out of the rain before it makes you madder than you’ve already been.”

“On one condition.”

She looked at him with an eyebrow drawn, as if to question just what this condition was. Instead of a verbal answer though, he merely grinned at her, reaching down to press a quick kiss to her lips before pulling her over to a nearby storefront with a proper outside cover, and the pelts of the rain stopped falling down onto them.

“You’ve got to set better conditions than that,” she said, not able to help the smile threatening to burst onto her face.

“Obviously that wasn’t the condition. Before you wildly proclaim that we’re soulmates,” he said with a sly grin, “We should go on a date first. Or loads of dates. Whichever suits your fancy.”

“You suit my fancy.”

“Yeah? Is that the soulmate-hoping side of you jumping out?”

“It’s the I-fancy-you side of me, actually,” she said, drawing a wide smile from him.

And though he didn’t believe in soulmates all too much yet, she knew that with all of the time that the universe was offering them, he’d eventually come to believing just as much as she did as well.

And with time, she’d come to realise that she had managed to fall in love with the same person once again.

Again and again and again and again.

#kyra is the sun to my shine #I LOVE KYRA #it's better on ao3 omg tumblr likes to screw with the format #jily #jily au #james potter #lily evans #james and lily #lsj writes #jily fanfiction #jily fanfic

[stillthewordgirl]

LOT/CC fic: Somewhere on Your Road Tonight (ch. 14)

Sara and Leonard made a life for themselves, together in 1958, after the Waverider left them, Ray and Kendra behind. But now they're back on the ship, Mick has been twisted into Chronos, Kendra is pregnant, and Savage is still out there. They'll deal--together. (Sequel to "Chances Are.")

Second "Destiny" chapter. Pieces are coming together. Many thanks to LarielRomeniel for the beta.

Can also be read here at AO3 or here at FF.net.

Since Rip, Raymond and Mick seem like they might have the better chance at anything having to do with the ship and getting away from the Time Masters, Leonard takes the responsibility of getting Stein to the medbay. The older man is trying to move as best he can, but he’s clearly suffering, and Leonard can’t help a prickle of sympathy.

Once the professor is settled into one of the chair-bed things, with an IV of medication Gideon has prescribed to at least keep him more comfortable, Leonard hesitates, uncertain. He wants to go find Sara, but leaving Stein alone to contemplate his plight seems…well, cold, even to him.

“Anything help you other than getting the kid back?” he drawls uncomfortably, sidling toward the chair. The ship shakes a little as he does so.

Stein opens an eye and regards him with an expression that’s understanding and almost kind. It occurs to Leonard that while he may have been the one on this ship who’s changed the most, the professor has changed too. He’s a far cry from the arrogant man who’d scorned Leonard and Mick back on that rooftop in Central City.

“No, sadly, Mr. Snart,” he says with a sigh. “It’s just a matter of time, I fear. And now, with Captain Hunter’s revelations about the nature of our quest itself…it seems that it’s all been for nothing.” He shakes his head. “At least Jefferson is well out of it.”

Leonard wants, no, needs, to find out more about that himself, but while they’re still in the process of getting the hell outta Dodge, it seems best not to storm onto the bridge demanding answers. As the ship jolts again, he decides to sit down next to the other man. Stein watches him do so.

“Mr. Snart,” he asks after another moment, “may I ask you a question?”

The ship shakes, lurching. Leonard decides he’d rather be distracted. “Shoot.”

“Back in the beginning. When Captain Hunter invited us on this whole…adventure.” He stops, then continues again as Leonard continues to regard him. “Why did you decide to go?”

It is, truthfully, a good question. Leonard can remember how scornful he’d been of the whole thing, at least on the surface he’d presented to the others. And it seems like the least he can do is to offer the truth to the man before him, who, it seems, is all too likely to be giving his life on this mission.

After a moment’s thought, he starts to speak, carefully. “I’ll deny it if you tell the others,” he warns Stein, who rolls his eyes but also inclines his head. “But I do care about my city.”

“At least, insomuch as no one could hurt it but you, eh?” But the professor waves a hand when Leonard gives him a weary look. “I’m sorry. Carry on.”

After a minute, he does. “I did wonder if I could…” He thinks of Sara’s words back then. “…change my fate. Either by changing the past or, as it turns out, becoming…a rather different person.” He shrugs. “And I got even more of a chance for that than I’d expected.”

Stein tilts his head and offers up some of his occasional uncanny understanding. “Your time in 1958?”

“Yeah.” Leonard hesitates again. “Amazing what a clean slate can do.”

Stein’s closed his eyes again. “Hmm,” he muses. “I daresay Ms. Lance’s presence in your life didn’t hurt either. The love of a good woman…or rather, a good person…has saved many a lost soul. Clarissa…in some ways, I think she effectively saved me.” He sighs. “I hope I get to see her again. At this point, however, I rather doubt it.”

Leonard’s not sure what to do with that. “C’mon, professor. I thought cynicism was my hallmark.”

“As you’ve said, Mr. Snart, people change.” But Stein shakes his head. “Still. I suppose that there is always hope.” He smiles a little. “In a world with time travel, is not anything truly possible?”

“And in a world with burning, nuclear-powered heroes,” Leonard tells him seriously. “And speedsters. And…”

“…and where Captain Cold is a hero.”

Leonard frowns at the older man, but Stein just chuckles. “Don’t deny it,” he tells Leonard mock-seriously. “Your actions prove otherwise.”

“Eehhhh.” He decides not to argue. “You get back to 2016, professor, don’t tell Barry Allen and his ilk that.”

Stein chuckles, closing his eyes. “I do believe I shall have to try to survive this, Mr. Snart, just to collect on all these favors you’re going to be owing me.” He reopens one eye and regards Leonard. “Please tell the others that I will endeavor not to blow up while I’m here.”

Leonard feels his own lips twitch at the words. “Appreciate that, professor.”

“As well you should.”

Despite the others’ reassurances, Sara’s still relieved when Leonard finally ambles onto the bridge. He catches her eye and she catches his, and that’s enough for now.

“Professor's in the medbay,” he drawls, approaching the others. “Promises not to blow up while he's on board, which I thought was considerate.”

Rip sighs, moving toward the holotable. “Yeah, the professor's condition is the least of our worries, I'm afraid.”

That seems a bit callous, but as Sara frowns, Ray chimes in.

“Yeah, much to my chagrin, it turns out everything we've done, maybe even our whole lives,” he says woefully, “has been determined by the Time Masters.”

“What?” Sara asks incredulously, leaning forward. She glances at Leonard, who leans on a jump seat, eyes sweeping the room. He doesn’t look surprised. Instead, he wears an expression of intense concentration.

Granted, he’s been insisting for a while that the Time Masters are pulling their strings, but this…this is more than that. Those words--which no one is arguing with--suggest that it goes back farther and deeper, that…

No. No, Sara doesn’t want to think about that right now. As it is, her stomach is twisting, thinking about the choices she’s made and the places she’s been…the people she’s hurt…

She doesn’t look at Leonard now. She can’t.

“The Time Masters have this thing called the Oculus, which allows them not only to gaze into the future, but to engineer it,” Rip tells them resignedly. “Yes, Mr. Snart. As I said before, you were right.”

But Ray speaks again before Leonard can respond. “A future where I'm dead.” Sara’s heart goes out to him as he closes his eyes, swallowing. “Guy, you gotta get Kendra back. I mean, for her sake too, but Alex…”

“We won’t leave your kid without a family, Haircut,” Mick cuts in roughly. “No matter what.” He shrugs uncomfortably as everyone looks at him. “Don’t know that we’re what you and Bird Girl would want for uncles and aunt, but I s’pose we’re better than nothing. And, hey, Snart and I know what not to do, anyway.”

Ray looks like he’s going to cry, or hug somebody, but the captain speaks up again, shaking his head.

“This is a lovely moment,” he says, just a touch acerbically, “truly. But in my opinion, Dr. Palmer's death is not part of their plan.”

“Not reassuring,” Ray mutters, then “Ow!”

Mick, apparently deciding that enough sentiment was enough, had leaned over and whacked him in the arm. Then he turns challengingly to Rip.

“You sayin’ the Time Masters wanted me to do that?” he growls.

Rip gives him a long-suffering look. “What I'm saying is that they've been engineering our lives to move in very specific directions,” he says. “And we are playing out that script even now.”

The Gambit? The Pit? All the people she’s killed? Sara closes her eyes, then opens them, rising from the captain’s chair and moving toward them. Her eyes catch Leonard’s very briefly, and she can see similar thoughts there. Did the Time Masters make sure he’d be a criminal no matter what, with the perfect skills to do what they wanted on this mission? Did he ever have a choice? Did they create Lewis? Or Barry Allen to prod him down another road?

And what about them…

Before she speaks, though, he does.

“But they’re not controlling everything,” he says, staring at Rip. “And we can still surprise them.” They’re statements, not questions. “They didn’t know that I’d left the ship in Harmony Falls.” He glances at Mick. “We know the Time Masters didn’t know I’d been left behind too.”

Rip blinks, considering that, and Mick grunts thoughtfully in agreement.

“Yeah,” he says. “They told me just what to do. And things were all different from what they said.

Ray, looking a bit encouraged, nods. “So they didn’t have anything to do with what happened to any of us in 1958.”

Sara looks at Leonard, who’s looking steadily back at her. This is still disconcerting and awful, but at least…at least they have that.

“No. They can’t control thoughts, and they can’t control feelings,” Rip tells him, almost gently. “And…they’re not in there all the time, fiddling with every little detail.” He shakes his head. “It’s a rather jarring experience, the Oculus. It’d be like performing delicate surgery with a hacksaw.”

“So, it seems they sort of…set the program and let it run, with occasional course corrections.” Ray looks thoughtful.

Sara takes a deep breath. “Well, this is interesting…and encouraging in a few ways, anyway, for what that’s worth. But we still need to figure out what to do.” She puts her hands on the holotable, scanning the others. “So, we can go to 2016, but that might be what the Time Masters want. Or we can go get Kendra...”

“Which could also be what they want,” Leonard mutters.

“Then we need to do what they don't want,” Ray says, determination brightening his voice. “If the Oculus is what they're using to control us, then we need to destroy it.”

Sara nods, but…

“No,” Leonard cuts in, getting to his feet and approaching. “Or not just that, anyway.” He takes a deep breath as the others look at him. “Look. They’re expecting us to act according to our natures. Right? That’s the whole point. They did their best to create those natures.”

“Yes?” Ray looks inquiringly at Rip, then back at Leonard. “But…”

“And the Time Bastards just made sure to give their biggest rebel, a bunch of heroes—and me and Mick—the information that they control time.” Leonard tilts his head. “What do you think they think is going to happen?”

For some reason, as soon as he’s delivered those words, something in Leonard relaxes. Not entirely, but a little. Like he’s passed a test. Delivered a message.

It’s an odd sensation, but he decides not to examine it for the moment.

“I acted against my nature—what had been my nature—when I left the ship in Harmony Falls,” he says, looking at Sara. “And they didn’t expect it or plan for it. What, now, would they not expect us to do?”

Sara hums thoughtfully. Raymond shrugs. “Give up and go back home,” he points out. “But we can’t do that.”

“Well.” Rips frowns. “I do think that going back to the place we just escaped from would seem rather unexpected.”

Leonard snorts. “Not with this group,” he says. “Seriously, Rip?”

The captain gives him the ghost of a smile. “True, indeed, Mr. Snart. But we still need to get rid of this Oculus, if we’re to have any hope of truly changing things.”

Raymond’s looking off into the distance. “I’ve spent my whole life wanting to be a hero,” he says quietly. “A hero…a hero is brave. Helps others. Makes a difference. If I can do that, to make a better life for my son…”

“So, basically, the Time Bastards would expect you to do some shit like dying while trying to blow up the Oculus.” Leonard nods when the scientist gives him a startled glance. “So, you can’t do that. You’ve gotta be selfish, Raymond.” He glances at Rip. “Can you take him back to the Refuge?”

“No!” Raymond says, even as Rip considers and nods.

“And the rest of us, Mr. Snart?” he says with resignation, but also with a small smile on his face. “As you just might be onto something here?”

Leonard can appreciate what it’s cost the captain to say that…and maybe Rip’s arrogance was something the Time Masters were counting on too. He gives the other man an understanding smirk in return.

“The rest of us…” he says slowly. “What if we split up? Rip, they’ll figure you’ll go back to the Vanishing Point. It’s personal. You and…and Sara and maybe the professor, if he’s up for it…go after Kendra.”

“Wait a minute…” Sara starts as Rip lifts an eyebrow.

“And what are we going to use to do that?” he asks drily, spreading his hands out before him. “One ship.”

“The Pilgrim’s ship is still at that old outpost, right? Leonard looks around at Mick. “You hid it.”

His friend grunts thoughtfully. “Yeah. I could fly that. Good ship.”

“Great. Then, Mick and I will blow up the Oculus.” Leonard ignores the immediate arguments. “They won’t expect the criminals to be playing heroes.”

Mick nods. “And I like blowing stuff up.”

“You’re not…”

“Mr. Snart…”

“He’s got a point.” Raymond shrugs as everyone looks at him. “We can make it work. We’re Legends, right? But one change.” He holds up a hand. “I get your meaning, Snart, about going against what they expect. But…I won’t do any good to the mission if I’m back at the Refuge. I want to go with you.”

Leonard regards him a moment, then glances at the captain. “Rip,” he drawls. “What was the Boy Scout here doing? When…What did you see in this Oculus thing?”

Rip hesitates, thinking. “He was…” His eyes widen. “It was an explosion. How did I forget that?” He looks at Raymond. “You were working on something. And there was light…you started to come apart…”

“I think that’s enough,” Sara breaks in as Raymond winces. “Rip, even if we—or some of us—return to the Vanishing Point, can they mess with us there?”

The captain shakes his head. “No, Druce told me that the Oculus' ability to control our actions doesn't work in the Vanishing Point, most likely because the Vanishing Point itself exists outside of time.”

“And we need to move,” Leonard says firmly. “If you want to have any chance to save Kendra. And your family.”

Rip looks a bit wild-eyed, but Gideon cuts neatly in, her voice calm.

“I apologize, Captain,” she says, “but I’ve already diverted us toward the outpost. Mr. Snart’s plan is a good one, and I chose to…anticipate your orders.” She pauses as Rip collapses into a jump seat and Mick barks out a laugh. “May I also point out that you have always encouraged such independence, but…a time ship AI knows what it is to be controlled by the Time Masters. I wish to help, although they are not all like me.”

Rip rubs a hand over his face. “Ah, Gideon. No one is quite like you.”

“Thank you, Captain. I shall take that as a compliment.”

“OK, then,” Ray says firmly, turning for the corridors. “I’m going to go talk to Stein, figure out how we’ll need to destroy this Oculus wellspring. Rip, we’ll need what you know.”

The captain shakes his head but gets to his feet. “This is not how I envisioned this going at all,” he comments with a sigh, then smiles. “Which just may be precisely why it works.” He glances at Mick. “Mr. Rory. You have experience as a time ship captain—and a reputation as a sneaky and very effective one. Would you work with Gideon to plot a good intercept course for Savage?”

Mick shrugs, but Leonard thinks he almost looks pleased at the words and the request. “Sure.”

“Thank you.”

Leonard stands with Sara and Mick, watching as Rip and Raymond leave, then looks over at his friend. “You want help?” he drawls, folding his arms. “Might not know how to fly a time ship, but I know how to plan.”

Mick’s already deftly pulled some schematics up on the holotable. He glances over and snorts. “No,” he says, “I want you two to go get your shit together before we all trot off to hunt psychopaths or blow stuff up.” He looks back to the display. “So, get. I got this.”

“We got this,” Gideon announces. “Mr. Rory, please take a look at the path skirting Jurgens Ridge. I believe…”

She continues, and Leonard blinks at his old friend, then looks at Sara.

She gives him a slight smile and shrugs.

“OK, then,” he mutters, turning aside and heading for their room. “I know when I’m not needed.”

“Don’t whine, Mr. Snart,” Gideon tells him snippily, stopping her comments to Mick for a moment. “It’s not a becoming trait.”

Well, he thinks with resignation as he saunters for the door, at least the comment makes Sara laugh.

“I can’t believe we were just…dismissed…like that,” Sara says with faint amusement as they enter their quarters. She looks from side to side restlessly, then turns to face Leonard. “I mean, I know my skills lie mainly in hitting things until they stop moving, but…I would have liked to do something.”

Her words get a slight smile, although it’s a distracted one. “Got the feeling maybe we already did,” he drawls, leaning against the bed and watching her. “But…you OK?”

Sara laughs a little, knowing that the sound isn’t very sincere. “Well. I’m trying not to think about it too much,” she says, boosting herself up onto the bed and looking down at her hands. “I don’t know how profound the directions the Time Masters steered us in are, and I don’t think I want to know. I know I still feel responsible for everything I’ve done. And it still keeps me up at night.”

After a moment, she hears a sigh and glances over at Leonard. Her lover is staring off into the distance, a complicated expression on his face. It’s melancholy and uncertain, very unlike anything he shows the world, and something turns over in Sara’s heart as she watches him.

“Len,” she says quietly, putting a hand out and resting it on his shoulder, “what are you thinking?”

Leonard shrugs, after a moment, then looks at her.

“It wasn’t just a script,” he asks, a still, opaque expression on his face. “Was it?”

Oh.

Sara tightens her grip on his shoulder, pulling him toward her, and after a moment’s resistance, Leonard allows her to guide him. After a moment, he’s facing her, although his eyes are still darting around and not meeting hers. He exudes uneasiness and apprehension, and she can see and feel how stiff his shoulders are.

“I thought we agreed that the Time Masters didn’t even know we were there, in 1958,” she says. “When our relationship…changed. Or evolved. They weren’t pulling our strings.” She reaches up and rests a hand against his jawline, feeling the tension there. “And…Rip said, they can’t change feelings.” She takes a deep breath. “Everything we feel…it’s real.”

Finally, Leonard’s eyes meet hers, heartbreakingly wary.

“Yeah?” he asks quietly. “And what…” He pauses. “I’m not a good person, Sara. Not the sort you should…care for. I…”

Sara huffs out a breath. “Stop…listening…to Lewis,” she tells him sharply, shaking his shoulder a little, then feels guilty as he flinches. “He’s been dead for months, or longer depending on how you look at it. Stop giving his voice space in your head.”

Leonard actually looks thoughtful at that, and Sara presses her advantage, reaching up and putting her other hand on his jaw, holding his face in her hands and making sure he looks at her.

“I think we went through all this back in 1958,” she tells him. “About you being a good person. Leonard, no one’s a good person all the time, and you’ve been actively trying to be better.” She hesitates. “What would Rebecca say? Or Ginny. David?”

He mutters something, but Sara doesn’t let him off the hook. “You know perfectly well what they’d say, because they’ve said it,” she tells him fiercely. “Now, stop insulting the man I love. Or I’m going to be pissed.”

That actually gets a smile, and he studies her, eyes a saturated deep blue. It’s impossible, as the tension fades—replaced by a different sort of tension--not to realize how close they are or how very charged the atmosphere is. Leonard reaches out deliberately and puts one hand on either side of her on the bed, looking through his lashes at her, and smiles.

“Well,” he drawls, sounding a little more like himself, leaning toward her. “Can’t have that. The woman I love is quite the badass, you know.”

“Yeah?” Sara smirks in return, moving her hands down to rest on his hips, where she threads her fingers through the belt loops on his jeans, pulling him even closer. “She sounds awesome.”

“Oh, yeah.” Leonard studies her, then glances away, expression going serious again. He looks like he’s trying to make a decision, and Sara waits, wondering.

Finally, he nods, as if to himself, and meets her eyes.

“Being on this ship,” he says, quietly, bringing one hand up to touch her cheek gently, “traveling through time…” A pause. “…I’ve been wondering what the future might hold for me... and you…and me and you.”

He stops again. Sara feels like she can’t quite breathe. Is this…a proposal, Leonard Snart-style?

“You want to steal a kiss from me, Leonard?” she says lightly, giving him the chance to defuse the moment even as her pounding heart wants desperately to know what he’s going to say. “You better be one hell of a thief.”

A smile tugs at the corner of his lips. A light in his eyes, Leonard starts to speak again…

But Gideon beats him to it.

“I am very sorry, Mr. Snart, Ms. Lance, truly, but we have arrived here, at the outpost,” she says carefully. “And time is of the essence…ah, in more ways than one. Can you meet the others at the bridge, or…”

A sigh explodes out of both of them at once, and Leonard shakes his head roughly as Sara closes her eyes and put a hand to her forehead. She wonders, briefly, if Leonard will tell Gideon that they need another moment…but then Leonard’s kissing her, his hand moving to curve behind her head, his lips warm and intent on hers, and Sara kisses him back, pulling him close, trying to memorize the feel and the taste of him before they part. It’s dangerous, what they’re going out to do, and they both know it—but if they ever want the future Leonard had spoken of, it’s something they both have to do.

They part slowly at first, staring at each other like they’re trying to memorize the sight, too. Well, Sara knows that she, for one, is.  She tucks a strand of hair behind an ear and takes a deep breath, knowing that they have to move.

“I love you,” she tells him breathlessly. “Leonard, be careful. I know you’re playing the hero now, but…I’d rather have a live crook. Got it?”

That gets her a wry, if somehow melancholy, smile. “Got it,” he shoots back. “Sara…I love you, too.” A glance away, then back. “Give Savage hell, and don’t let Rip do anything too stupid.”

He steps back, and Sara slides off the bed with a sigh, grabbing her good White Canary leathers. “I could say the same to you,” she tells him. “Don’t let Mick and Ray do anything dumb. I want you all back.”

“Promise.”

She’ll remember that, later. He’d promised.

#somewhere on your road tonight #captain canary #legends of tomorrow

[tumblunni]

...i have never been less hype and i hate it

i feel really guilty for not being happy when i mean these games are very pretty and all but all of it just seems to not be grabbing my happy when i got myself SO HYPED for the unlikelihood of something better

like man COME ON

come on man

TWELVE YEARS

almost 13!

sinnoh was fuckin due for a remake back when sun and moon got announced

ive been getting hype and dissappointed at every single goddamn announcement nintendo’s ever made for the last 4 years or so and it never happens and yet they keep teasing it why are there so many official tweets teasing sinnoh if its not fuckin happening im starting to lose hope that it will happen EVER

twelve. fucking. years.

like man we’re almost due for a goddamn unova remake by now!

like man fucking kanto got TWO REMAKES already

like man SINNOH IS THE REGION THAT MOST ACTUALLY NEEDS A REMAKE

its not just im nostalgic its that i want desperately for the generation i love to get any goddamn recognition at all. fuckin gold and silver were already beloved as the best generation even before their remake. ruby and sapphire got some unfair hate for the no transfer between games thing but that died immediately after the first remake happened. neither of them were in this unique situation where they were fuckin DEAD ON ARRIVAL and waiting TWELVE YEARS for resuscitation!

sinnoh failed ENTIRELY not on its lack of appeal as a generation but because of goddamn CONSOLE LIMITATIONS

it was slow, it was buggy, it had buddy green brown palettes, the wifi didnt work. all problems with it being an experimental first ds game by the company. it was fuckin HATED as the WORST GENERATION for so many years and it wasnt its goddamn fault and like seriously its only even become TOLERATED again because of this ‘sinnoh confirmed’ meme that NINTENDO FUCKIN REFERENCES AS IF THEYRE GONNA ACTUALLY DO IT ANY TIME IN THE NEXT DAMN DECADE

fuck i was more hyped for lets go than i am for this. like a second kanto remake was the thing i hated the most but at least it seemed original enough with the goofy new minigame for catching and loads of nice reveals like the return of following pokemon and stuff. this trailer didnt really say anything except hey its a new region hey the starters look generic as fuck. nothing to mitigate the dissappointment

and i feel AWFUL cos i know rationally that this is a great pretty game and nothing about it is actually bad yet and my only complaint is that i only like one out of three starters when i felt the same way about sinnoh itself. its just that feeling ‘meh its probably okay’ isnt what i hoped for. i hoped even if it wasnt what i wanted itd be something else equally as hype? just ‘meh’ has turned into ‘oh god no’ cos man ive been up for 48 hours getting hype for this shit why the fuck am i unable to not get hype even though i KNOW every goddamn time its a dissappointment and it has been for years and it will continue to be every goddamn time

like the highlight of the video was ‘oh an underground area maybe at least theyll bring back the sinnoh underground minigame in another country’

also.. uhh.. bags? i like the protagonist designs a lot and im happy to have the hiker bags cos srsly if i was in pokemon world i would absolutely want to go 100% ham in all ways possible AS YOU CAN SEE BY HOW I CONSTANTLY GET MYSELF TOO HYPED AND ALWAYS DISSAPPOINT MYSELF

and GOD i know im being predictable and i know that probably when i let the grumpiness wear off and get a few hours of sleep i’ll rewatch this and actually be able to notice all the lil details and get properly hype about things and probably by then we’ll know what country its meant to be based on and more info and stuff. like LOL i almost had a heart attack when there was some generally industrial looking stuff and a big ben esque clock tower like im sorry no i REALLY dont want poke-britain even though im british. its like the most cliche generic idea for a region and following on from a great region that gave representation to a nation historically mistreated by britain and america im kinda like hey can we not. like britain region was everyone’s immediate idea for the next ‘white region’ after unova happened and i was still dissappointed that we got france after that and pleasantly surprised that theyd even THINK of doing a non-white western country like hawaii! and it was really great and had loads of stuff based on hawaiian culture and even taught you some hawaiian words and local foods and stuff!! i dont wanna learn about my own country through the sanitized false ‘child friendly’ idea of us being all knights and stuff AS IF IT WAS A GOOD THING. So yeah im not sure what other european country this might be, the outfits make me say possibly holland? but im just real glad that someone other than britain gets to be ‘sword and shield’ and the only british representation we get is thematic elements being used for the design of team plasma’s uniforms. yes thank you we were fuckin colonialist pigs please never glorify our military ever again in any fiction. please never put a sword anywhere near fiction britain unless youre ready to talk about how many indigenous cultures we slaughtered. SORRY IM KINDA GOING OFF ON ONE!! im not like ‘never put my country in pokemon ever’ but if theres any form of specifically HISTORICAL CONTENT in the pokemon version then HOO BOY it would need to be handled carefully and the name sword and shield does not bode well for that so FUCK YES please be holland, please be the other place that has a lot of picturesque farm scenery and also better hiking and also literally everything. it cant be britain cos if it was britain we’d definately have a fuckin sheep or somethin for a starter. srsly tho i am very confused by the big ben looking place, am i just bad at geography and dont know about a similar clock tower in holland that is also associated with red brick industrial buildings and mines? i hope so! either that or maybe its like a combination region of multiple european countries? but thatd be weird since france got to be its own thing. tho honestly i would like it if britain got COMPLETELY ignored except to be one single town that contains the underground minigame, lol

please be holland i love you holland please save me from my rambling awful post WHY THE FUCK am i getting so bad at recognising geography oh yeh cos i havent slept in ages

i love the big bags and the rabbit starter is something ive wanted since i was a lil kid. those are two positives. holland is a third. and its super pretty. okay. i can see all the positive things individually but still somehow my net reaction is a meh because i got too hyped for the wrong thing and also kinda got jumpscared by almost maybe britain I AM SO GLAD IT IS NOT

theory: pokemon world is so idealized and wonderful and beyond us in technology and equality and etc because britain never existed in this universe.

holland stabbed it with a sword

the end

#pokemon spoilers #im so tired nintendo #nintendoooo

[babygotbackyaaa-blog]

Ryan has a new bitch he’s interested in every week so ladies don’t think you’re special. None of us are. He has a new bitch every week whether he’s single or not. Isn’t that right Ryan? Do you want to counter argue me? Also would you like me to give names of just a FEW of those lovely ladies or are you gonna stop talking shit to me? Get this he’s still calling me a whore! He can’t own up to shit. He still denies it and is pissed I found him out yet again! He won’t apologize. He actually never has for ANY of it. EVER. Big surprise there! Should I post the emails babe? I can prove it however it needs to be proven. If he denies any of it there’s always a way around it. Trust me I’ve tried this before and the motherfucker still fucking lies and tries to find a way around it so I already know his pathetic tactics. Just trace the IP address to the email. Btw thanks for teaching me that btw. I never knew itd come in handy one day it sucks that the cops couldn’t help me with that tho. They had more important things to do then to trace shit over the net with a bunch of she said he said bullshit cause there’s too much of that going around all over the net anyway. It’s impossible to prove anything and no cop or judge is going to make a case out of any of it. Apparently it’s too pointless and petty and happens far too frequently that it’s not even an important matter of concern to them as cops etc. Also they aren’t gonna go Searching for evidence all over the net too when there are babies being thrown in dumpsters. Etc. etc. The cops couldn’t even help me when you posted the revenge porn of me even when they EVEN heard you admitting to it on the fucking phone from YOUR # & your voicemails that they listened to. Ya remember that?? But yes! Believe me I tried. Need me to go on tho?? Oh... also didn’t you say you even sent revenge porn of me to one of my ex friends who liked me? I stopped talking to them cause of you (mr. we both only need eachother. I don’t need to talk to other girls. I’m not a whore like you blah fucking blah - care for me to expand on that too??!) but I can get that video if need be but sure go ahead and try and threaten them too. I got more dirt on that person that you wouldn’t believe. I mean you have deframed (?) me enough times on twitter and on fb and on the deep/dark web posting revenge porn of me there too. And ya the cops etc. also they can’t help if you retaliated back too in the past. Which I have and you have. And dating you I learned to take screenshots and show other people your actual posts too Incase you try and lie later. There’s also your friends that have seen it but ofc if they’re YOUR friends I wouldn’t put it past them to be the type of person to lie under oath for you. I mean I know some of the girls that you are friends with on here even support you even knowing that youre an abuser. Which maybe I should out now that I think of it. no one tolerates people that defend abusers anymore anyway. Whether the abuser is your friend or not. No one cares. It makes you look just as bad as the abuser. Especially if you are a woman supporting an abusive man. Also remember jack, Ryan? Ya there’s this guy jack. His mother came to my house once cause she wanted to get in contact with Ryan. Apparently his own parents shooed jacks poor old mother away. See your precious Ryan... he’s a con man. He stole her car but see he got away with it because jacks sweet old mother thought she could trust him with the keys. He takes the car and steals (he always does this - big ass clepto/thief) the stuff inside it (a bunch of electronic crap.) As a con man you got to know a lot about the law so there really is nothing the cops can do with Ryan stealing her car cause she willingly gave his con man ass the keys. And when He was done using the car to go to places (he didn’t have a car at the time) he dumps it somewhere far away from San antonio and or where jack and his mother live and then one of his family members (and I know who too so yes try to get at me - I’m not outing this person YET cause this is the only actual person in Ryan’s family that actually seems like the most sane and level headed person) who lived around there drove Ryan’s ass away. Ryan’s so called friends know about this too. I can name the two... but ofc these people unlike most of you on here know how Ryan really is so ofc they back up Ryan in fear of what he might do to them. Am I right? So and so.. ;) I also have jack and his mothers #. I can go on and on. I have tons of proof, don’t I Ryan? So yes. Please keep calling me a whore. I even have the report jacks mother made that I went down and got Incase you threaten them to back you up somehow so ya thought of that too, darling and ofc other things etc. etc. and lies about you and your family that I have found out and have known for quite some time now. But haven’t said shit despite how y’all treat me. But see that was because I LOVED Ryan. Think I still do now?? But you see being with Ryan you’ll realize you have to do all these types of things cause he’s just that kind of a con man/asshole/wife beater etc. etc. arent you, Ryan? So yes. Please. Keep calling me a whore, babe. Do it ️ oh and you think you can get at me for so called ‘threatening’ your family which I hardly am but knowing your lying desperate ass I can only imagine... Well before you try that one, my dear...think long and hard first... here I’ll kinda help your narcissistic self out cause you always forget all the shit you’ve did cause you never do anything wrong... right babe? You’re such a sweet guy... right everyone?? But ya... babe...remember my dying father that was in intensive care that you wanted to pull out all his plugs and kill him. I have the voicemail still of you threatening that to me if I didn’t call you back and the report of that too and the cop who listened to that vm as well and the hospital who was alerted and the cops/security in the hospital who were on standby. But yes... There’s also that just for STARTERS. But yes it’s awesome that both are fathers are lawyers. Isn’t it babe? Both of us know so much about the law and all. And also this isn’t half of what I know and I’m sure I only know a bit of what you know too. But mr let’s let bygones be bygones... hm? How does that apply with Brandi now? You hated that I still held all your cheating against you and you wanted a clean slate with me. ‘unlike you I love you so I trust you. Blah fucking blah. Hur durh.’ It must be easy for you to trust me and ‘love’ me when I don’t go around fucking cheating and whoring myself out all the damn time and then lying about it!! so yes babe. I can trust you. You love me. You don’t cheat. You are faithful and you do love me. You want to marry me. You bought me a ring. You want to have babies with me. Yaddah yaddah yaddah. Did I forget any of the other bullshit that you’ve said??? I guess why I’m the most pissed off is cause you abuse me and say you don’t do shit behind my back and for me not to still be hurt or bring up that old shit that you don’t do anymore and that I should give you a clean slate and all this fucking bs and yet... here we are... see if I did any of the shit you did... let’s face it. I’d be dead right now. Want me to say how I know? ;) ya didn’t think so. The most fucked up part is that you never even felt bad for it... and if anything I went over and beyond to save your ass cause I was worried about you getting in trouble for some of the real bad abusive shit you did to me. Or did you forget that too? Or do you Want to make a lie about that too or should I just say the whole damn thing?? Cause let’s be honest Ryan... I don’t ever find out everything do I? ;)

Oh and before you threaten me with your lie that my 4’11 tiny ass stole your mainframe/supercomputer wtf ever it’s called. And that supposedly your parents went along with. So get this guys... I broke into his house (I’m a tiny 4’11 chick and what Ryan’s 6’1 and is actually known to ALMOST kill guys twice his size - incase some of you didn’t already know. You know that scar on his eyebrow? Two big guys twice his size apparently hit him with a baseball bat and then he fucking wrecked them.) Anyway I supposedly stole his big ass computer and his parents were apparently witnesses in that is that right?? Cause that’s how Ryan tells it. I mean... to lie about something like that tho... with what actual proof?? That’s all I’ll say... ;) Anyway I stole his big ass computer in this false report that he made of me by breaking into his house and what I walked how many miles to my house with this supercomputer/mainframe??!! Oh didnt Jeremy help you with this lie too? Driving you to the police station and then driving you to my house with the cop you made the false report with?? But yes...Okay use that report against me. But I’m going to demand actual proof of all of it. Witnesses if you want to keep up that lie. And or your parents too apparently. Cause I’m sure if they find anything actually concrete they would see that no one in the streets that day saw shit! My neighbors didn’t see me leave that day or carry that huge ass computer. Let’s say you want to lie some more (I know you too well) say I took a car. Okay ask my neighbors about that too. There’s also cameras at most of the lights. Oh and want to say how I held your computer hostage too? Okay we’ll just find the cop that told my mother and I to do that cause you were a danger to us so they said to just have you come by with a cop but leave the stuff out before hand and go from there etc. this was right before you either tried to slit my throat or went to go cheat all night making tons of excuses for never coming back home till 12pm the next day... so I locked your ass out. And also you threatened my mother and I that you were coming to get your stuff one time. Banging on the door with the knife you tried to slit my throat with that one time. We told you we didn’t want you to come unless a cop was here with you to get your things and who wouldn’t want that?! I mean if they actually know you that is...anyway...Remember that cop that found the knife you had to slit my throat with stop and arrested you for that weapon? And I’m sure he’ll tell people first hand how you tried to frame him. Also all my neighbors who saw. Right?! Can’t forget that either ;) ya I’ll go all the way bitch. How far you want to take this?? Like you tried to frame me for ‘pushing you down the stairs’ when you were trying to steal my phone ie me trying to pull my phone from you that you were trying to steal on the stairs and then letting go cause my mom woke up with all the racket and startled me. So you slipped down the stairs. Pushing you down the stairs my ass. So ya... I’m sure me and that cop and lord knows who else can testify to other lies you’ve told like that. So Ryan tell me what little fantasy you got next that never actually happened? Oh... what about that time you said we made a false report against you? My mother and I. One you have access to guns. We both know this I wonder who else aside from your parents (go hide the guns now! Jesus you all probably would too, anything to cover your sweet baby boys ass) we even called your father asking if you were even home we were so scared. Which said you weren’t (I think you were out at that titty bar with that guy who was living with you at the time for a while - which we didn’t find out until later ofc) anyway we asked if you even had access to guns. And we were told... what again...hm??? What were we told again?? I honestly don’t remember... I’ll ask my mom since she was the one who called on speaker... I’m sure she’ll remember...But yes when we made that report...We said we heard gun shots at our house and we said we weren’t SURE but you are the only person we could think of that would do something like that to us especially with your record and not too long ago the reports of one of the many times you abused me were made. So how the hell did we know?! The cops can tell you also that we mentioned time and time again that we weren’t sure (I’m not a moron Ryan.) But we were scared regardless and just wanted the cops to take a look. Did I cover everything yet?? But yes... someone like you would be trying to get with someone like Brandi behind my back. You two deserve eachother. Want me to post more of her classy ass pictures you seem so proud of liking? Is that why she’s no longer on your Instagram and you unliked that one photo that I posted of her? I’m sure your father would be so proud if the people he works with would see the type of woman his son is seeing and the photos he likes of her. But nah... you and Brandi aren’t whores at all. I actually can’t really blame Brandi tbh. I know this. It takes two to tango and it’s not like she’s the only one you’ve cheated on me with. Also want me to mention how I found the whole thing out tho and who also knows about it before you tried to hide your ass from being ashamed of having done any of that to her with a photo like that. WHAT are you ashamed of her Ryan?! WHY WOULD YOU BE ASHAMED OF HER THO?!  I DONT SEE WHY!! I MEAN WHY WOULD YOU BE??! SRSLY!! Can we discuss this? Cause what you’re telling me does not add up... I’m the whore not you or her? Yet you seem so ashamed... why unlike the photo and NOW finally stop having anything to do with her (that I know of ofc.) You’re so classy tho and she is too! I just wanted everyone to see it! That’s all babe. Cause I’m just some skank right?? Ya fuck you, asshole. You push people too fucking far sometimes. What the fuck did you expect?! Oh let’s not forget how most of the cops that you have associated with have felt about you or how you proved how you can be by the way you treated them. Not just that one cop I mentioned. Sorry babe... I’m just tying to figure everything out... cause you’re not a whore and all... xo

Also after Ryan stops talking to every girl I find out about. They automatically get in a relationship soon after cause he’s done leading them on and trying to stop them from moving on. He loves a challenge sometimes. But there was always something fishy with Brandi and him cause it’s very unlike him to unfriend a girl and she stays single. Also she blocked me. I didn’t even think she really ever thought about me enough to even care to block me?? Why even be bothered enough to do so in the first place? I didn’t do anything to her, one other girl had blocked me but for that reason I get. But ya...Ryan goes thru great lengths to hide me from girls. Also he asked me one time I was so fed up with his cheating I went on his fb and removed some girls. But for some reason his dumbass flat out asks me if I read any of him and brandis messages to each other! He was so worried about that. Nah, i didn’t forget that. And then... what do you know he’s all up on her revealing pics on Instagram when he says he could get rid of her like it’s nothing, that she doesn’t mean shit to him and has NOTHING to do with her anymore. Yet likes her picture after said ‘fact’ and has her followed on Instagram. And liking that pic around the time of out 3 year anniversary at that...I  can go on but maybe some other time. I think I’ve said more than enough for now. Oh and why does it make me so mad that he talks to other women?? Put two and two together. Want me to show you how much he has isolated me from almost EVERYONE not just guys. And gets fucking abusive over other people contacting me or w/e and how he’s always calling me a whore for it too. Ya that’s why. Go ahead and lie and say you’d totally be okay with that too that you’d be okay that he abuses you for doing the same exact shit he did. And Calls you a whore etc fucking etc. ya fuck all of you that stood by this asshole and that still stand by him. I’m sure you all can live with yourselves if you can still stand by someone like that. Oh I should also pursue the false report you made of me with the other cops report that go against that ever even happening with the whole stolen computer bs. I’m sure the cop would change it cause I’m sure he wouldn’t want to look bad for pushing aside evidence from other actual cops! Why didn’t I do that before? Honestly I don’t know now that I think of it... the false report you made... and all the people that went along with it..: hm??? but ya... do you really want to bring up stolen computers my love? Cause I can mention two times. Yes Ryan. Two computers. Think hard my love. I know it’s hard for your narcissistic ass to see your wrong doings so I’ll try to be some help. Or are you still going to insist on living in denial and calling me a whore etc...? And yes I know a lot of the shit you’ve given me is stolen from god knows where. That’s why I toss that shit shortly after. Dumbass. So don’t even try to frame me for that shit either. Ya you fucked with the wrong girl, you pos.