#tobias can you please please perform this again i want this no i need it

[copias-juicebox]

THIS GHESTIE HAS JUST FOUND OUT THEY PERFORMED BIBLE LIVE AND NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT IT!!!!!!

#I DIDNT THINK THEY WOULD EVER PERFORM THIS LIVE ONLY TO FIND OUT THEY DID OMG #AND PAPA IS SINGING THE WRONG LYRCIS THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE SONG AND ITS SO CUTE OMG #he is just like me i always mess up the lyrics lmao #tobias can you please please perform this again i want this no i need it #sorry i am having a mental breakdown rn #tobias forge #ghost #ghost band #papa emeritus #ghesties #the band ghost #ghost sweden

[wolfeyedwitch]

🤝 Some help performing a basic task (for the ask game!)

The Heart and the Hunger, Part 14

I chose Celeste as the whumpee. She certainly needs the help.

Tobias is trying. Both to help Celeste get clean, and to help Celeste regain some agency and control.

CW: conditioned female vampire whumpee, implied past torture, pet whump, feared (not actually occuring) mouth whump in the form of fang pulling

Masterlist

-------

Tobias was trying his hardest to keep his cool.

He would like to point out, just for the record, that he was far outside of his area of expertise. He was a bounty hunter, for fuck’s sake! His job was to find a target and bring them back to the contract holder, in the state specified by the contract. It wasn’t a job that lent itself towards spending much time around traumatized victims of absolutely heinous crimes. He might see victims in passing, if he were on the trail of a criminal, but he rarely interacted with them beyond giving them directions to the nearest doctor or police station.

Now, he had what might be the single most traumatized person he had ever met sitting in his bathroom. And she expected him to act like the last person who had power over her.

Tobias needed to punch something. Or drink something. Better yet, both.

But first, the girl.

She had finally stopped holding herself like a baby bird, head tilted back and mouth wide as she could make it. And wasn’t that just a fun revelation, that she was expecting him to pull out her fangs. And she was going to sit there and let him. Her reaction when he tried to take off her muzzle originally made far more sense now that he knew she expected that sort of punishment if he took it off.

Tobias had been accused of being a heartless bastard more than once. Right now, he kind of wished it were true. If he were heartless, it wouldn’t hurt so damn much to see her look of surprise when he said he wouldn’t hurt her.

And even with all that, she was still willing to put her hand in his and let him help her.

He carefully carried her to the bathtub, trying to avoid her wounds as much as possible. He tested the water temperature again—warm now, rather than hot as it had been earlier—before gently placing her in the tub.

“Okay,” he said, voice as soft as he could manage. “I’ll get you a washcloth so you can get the rest of your legs. Then I’ll wash your hair and face. Does that sound good?”

She nodded, rather reluctantly it seemed.

“I’ll be as gentle as I can,” he said, hoping he understood the reason for her reluctance. “And you can stop me at any time. Just… tap me on the wrist, or knock on the tub or something.”

She eyed him skeptically, then gently rapped one knuckle against the tub. It made a quiet thunk.

He grinned. “Exactly; good job!”

She looked startled, then pleased. Tobias made a mental note to keep praising her whenever possible.

He grabbed a washcloth and a bar of soap. Soaking the cloth in the bathwater, he scrubbed the soap over it, then handed it to the girl.

“This way you don’t have to have a good grip on anything,” he explained. “Just hand it back when you need more soap.”

The girl nodded, then set to work. Even with as small an area as she was cleaning, it still took multiple rounds of soaping up the washcloth for her to finally get clean. Eventually she managed though, and handed him back the cloth with an expectant, worried look.

“Well done, kiddo,” he said. “I’m gonna wash your face, then your hair, okay? You can stop me at any time, for any reason.”

She nodded slowly, knocking against the tub again.

“Just like that,” he said. “Were you wanting me to stop,” he held up one finger, “or were you just testing it out?” He held up a second.

She raised one dripping hand out of the tub with two fingers raised. Just testing out the signal, then.

Tobias nodded. He grabbed a clean washcloth and went through the same process of wetting and soaping it. He moved to wash the girl’s face, pausing at her flinch. When she made no further move to stop him, he continued more slowly.

The muzzle’s straps had kept parts of her skin clean, creating an odd patchwork effect of pale skin and dark grime. Tobias gently wiped at her face, taking care not to get soap in her eyes. Once the dirt was gone, he cleaned away the soap residue with another wet cloth.

“I’m done cleaning your face,” he said. “I’m gonna do your hair now.”

He moved to sit behind her, noticing her increased tension once he was out of sight. Not much he could do about that, other than make sure he told her what he was doing before he did it.

“Tilt your head back for me, please,” he instructed. When the girl did, he gently poured water over her hair, making sure to get all of it wet.

This was going to be… difficult. Her hair was a mass of snarls and tangles. On top of that, it looked unhealthy, like it would snap at the slightest tug. If it were his hair, he’d just cut the lot of it off. But then, he wasn’t a girl. Hair wasn’t a big deal for him.

“Your hair is really tangled,” he said. Better to tell her the whole situation now than wait for something to go wrong, he figured. “I’m going to do my best to get it straightened out, and I’m going to try not to yank on it while I do. But I’m not exactly an expert at this, and I’m worried that your hair is too damaged and might break.”

She turned to look at him, eyes wide and pleading.

“Like I said, I’m going to do my best,” Tobias explained. “I just wanted you to know what’s going on before I get started.”

She frowned, lips trembling. Eventually, she nodded and turned back around.

Tobias took that as his cue to get on with it. He grabbed some shampoo, grateful he’d thought to get that during his shopping earlier in the day, and started applying it at the ends of her hair, working up towards the scalp. He worked it in with his fingers, trying to gently tease out whatever tangles he could as he went. It was oily, and seemed to soak into the brittle hair and coat the strands.

“I’m going to start brushing out your hair now,” he said as he picked up a comb. It had widely spaced teeth, and he hoped it wouldn’t pull too badly.

He started once more at the ends, making sure to support the hair so he pulled against his own grip rather than the girl’s scalp when he caught a tangle. It was slow going. He winced and apologized whenever he pulled too hard, and frequently stopped to add more shampoo to help the strands untangle. Even with his best efforts, more hair than he would have liked broke off. Eventually though, he made it all the way up to her scalp and was able to run the comb through the length of her hair without any snags.

“I’m going to rinse your hair now,” he said.

She tipped her head back again at his direction, letting him pour water over her hair once again. He repeated that until he was sure her hair was clean.

“Done,” Tobias said, satisfied at what they’d managed to accomplish. “Come on, let’s get you dry and dressed.”

--------

While Celeste was sleeping, Tobias went on a shopping trip. He got shampoo for Celeste, since he just washes his own hair with soap (the heathen). What else he got will come up... soon, hopefully.

Taglist:

@kim-poce @cupcakes-and-pain @nonbinary-disaster @onlybadendings @neverthelass @its-mysweetlittlesecret-blog @appleejuice, @someonesnamesblog @rainbows-and-whumperflies, @extemporary-whump @thecyrulik @myhusbandsasemni, @heart4brains @kixngiggles

#the heart and the hunger #asks answered #ask game #comfort asks #comfort ask game #celeste the vampire #vampire whumpee #female whumpee #the vampire is female #tobias the bounty hunter #bathing/washing #bathing #platonic bathing #hair cleaning #hair brushing #i don't have long hair and haven't for years so i'm doing my best here #i nearly went down a rabbit hole trying to find edwardian era hair care instructions #and then realized that no one probably cares so i'd be better off just writing and posting the thing

[starryeyedrookie]

Before It’s Too Late (Ethan x MC)

Book: Set during book 2 ch. 11.

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x MC (Evelyn Long)

Word count: 1,996

Rating: General

Category: Angst

Summary: An attack scene rewrite when Ethan spends the night with MC.

A/N: Characters and some dialogue owned by Pizelberry.

I finally decided how I was going to write this rewrite. Initially I was trying to do a full chapter rewrite but half way through, I was already at 3k+ words so it would be waaaay to long. Thankfully, I managed to summarize it but also give it a ton of angst. (This was my first time writing angst btw.) I hope you enjoy!

8:30 pm

It's been exactly five hours since the attack. Five excruciatingly long hours since Evelyn’s world was turned upside down.

Travis, Senator Ed’s assistant, had slowly been poisoning him with lead. When they went to confront him, he pulled out a can and sprayed everyone in the room with a deadly unknown substance.

The Senator managed to escape and Travis was dead. But so was Bobby, with Danny fighting for his life.

Evelyn begins to cry again as she thinks about Bobby’s wife and two kids that he left behind. They would now have to grow up without their dad. He would miss so many big milestones in their lives all because of two selfish people.

“E-Evelyn…?” a weak voice calls from across the room.

She walks over to the bed where Raf is lying down, a light sheen of sweat covering his pale face.

The team had come a little while ago with a shot that they had hoped would slow the progression of their symptoms, but Raf’s still seemed to be getting worse.

“What’s wrong?” he asks quietly, gently wiping the tears from her face.

“I was just… thinking about Bobby’s family and… everything that he… would miss. He was… just telling me… this morning that… his oldest daughter is turning sixteen this year…”

“I know… life isn’t fair. They didn’t deserve any of this.”

“You didn’t either, Raf.”

“But I saved you from having to suffer so much… and that’s what matters.”

“Raf…”

“Shh… listen, I feel… like I’m… getting worse. Will you… do me a favour?”

“Of course. Anything you need.”

“Please help me call my vovo.”

Evelyn hands Raf his phone to unlock, then scrolls through his contacts until she sees his grandmother’s name, tapping it, she places the phone to his ear.

“Olá, vovo.”

“No… I’m not well. There was an attack at the hospital today and the Senator’s assistant tried to kill him. A few people were in the room when it happened. The Senator escaped, but his assistant and one person that works here died and the other is in critical condition. Evelyn and I are in quarantine right now.”

“I just wanted to let you know… that if I… don’t make it… I love you with all my heart.”

“Alright, take care. I love you too.”

“Thank you, Evelyn.” he takes a shaky breath, his heart rate slowing and growing more shallow.

“Evelyn… I think you should… call the team… I'm sorry I couldn't save you… that this… might be the way it ends…” he murmurs, eyes meeting hers, as warm and kind as the day they met.

Taking his hand, she can barely see him through her tears.

“You'll make it through this Raf… I know you will…”

He smiles up at her before his eyes flutter closed and his hand falls away.

Moments later Ethan and June rush into the room.

“I’d hoped that the treatment would buy us more time,” Ethan says sadly.

“We don’t know that it didn’t.” Evelyn tries reassuring him.

He nods as June’s eyes fill with sympathy.

“We’ll get him to the support suite. There’s still a chance that we could fix this Evelyn.” June tells her, as she prepares Rafael for transport.

Evelyn’s almost too scared to ask, but she needs to know. “How’s Danny?”

“We… we lost him.” Ethan’s voice comes out in a whisper.

“No…”

“Before he died he… he asked to be autopsied. To help the two of you.”

As Ethan turns to help June, Evelyn reports Raf’s most recent symptom of hot cold reversal.

“Stay strong, Evelyn. We’ll know more soon.” June tells her reassuringly as she and Ethan slowly push Raf out of the room.

Now she’s all alone, curled up on her bed, the pressure in her head becoming almost too much to bear.

Her mind drifts to Danny. She remembers her first day when he was the one that told her that she had just performed a thoracotomy with Ethan Ramsey. The night of the party her roommates had when he and Sienna talked all night until they fell asleep together on the couch.

Sienna. All Evelyn wanted to do was rush to her side and hold her. She and Danny were supposed to be together. They were meant for each other. But how he was gone, and Sienna would have to live with that loss. She probably never even got to say goodbye.

Goodbye. Evelyn had to be prepared.

Picking up her phone, she sees that she has several missed calls and messages.

Calling her mom, she picks up immediately.

“Evelyn sweetie! Are you okay?! Oh my goodness, we saw what happened on the news and I thought we lost you!”

Hearing her mom’s voice, her tears start falling again.

“I’m hanging in there right now mom. It’s just me in the room now. Rafael just got taken to the support suite.”

“Oh, sweetie…”

“Mom… is everyone there?”

“Yes, honey. We’re all here.”

“Can you put me on speaker please?”

“Hey Evey.” she hears her dad’s voice say.

“Hi, Dad.”

“Hi Evelyn, do they know what it is yet?

“Hi Ben, no they don’t. We got a shot earlier that was supposed to slow the progression of the symptoms, but we don’t have a cure yet.”

“Oh.”

“Listen, guys… if I don’t make it…”

“No Evelyn! You can’t say that!” her heart breaks as she hears Ben crying through the phone.

“Wait… just listen to me. I’m preparing for the worst. I want you guys to know… that I love you all so much. And I want to thank you for everything that you’ve done to help me fulfill my dreams.”

Aside from the sound of soft cries, the line is silent.

Finally, her dad speaks up.

“We love you too sweetie. Stay strong and hang in there. You’ll be fine.”

��I’ll try… take care.”

“Bye.”

Later, her friends and the diagnostics team are gathered outside her window. Bryce looks at her with haunted eyes while a crying Sienna buries her face in Jackie’s shoulder.

“How’s Kyra? The surgery must be over by now…”

“She’s fine and resting. We haven’t told her what happened yet.”

“Good idea.”

“So, do you know what it is yet?”

Ethan explains to her that it’s a maitotoxin that he had never seen before. It was still present in Danny’s bony postmortem and on the surface of his skin.

Processing the information, the realization hits Evelyn like a ton of bricks.

“Maitotoxin… that’s derived from parasites in fish, isn’t it? But… there’s no antidote so… I’m going to die here…” her voice now barely a whisper. “I can’t believe this. Today was supposed to be happy. Kyra was supposed to have a successful surgery and everything was supposed to be fine… but now Danny’s dead, Raf is in a coma, and I’m… I’m…” Evelyn buries her face in her hands as she begins to cry.

“Now isn’t the time to give up hope Evelyn. Because of Raf’s actions, you didn’t get much in your system so your symptoms aren’t as advanced. There may not be an antidote as yet, but I promise you that we’ll be working round-the-clock to synthesize one.” Ethan tries to sound as confident as he can, his heart breaking to see Evelyn hurting.

“You won’t be alone.”

Everyone turns around to see that the statement had come from Tobias, as he, and several Mass Kenmore doctors approached them, all prepared to do whatever it takes.

As everyone heads down to the lab, Ethan lingers behind at the window.

“Are you okay, Ethan?”

“No, Evelyn, I’m not okay. But you don’t need to hear about that. You should try and get some rest. Have you slept at all?”

“No. I can’t stop thinking about Rafael. How long he can last… whether… whether it’s already…”

“…Do you want me to stay for a while?”

“Yes, please. If this is my last night alive, I want to spend it with you.”

“If I was in your position, I’d feel the same way about you.”

“Really?”

“Really, Evelyn.”

Suiting up and entering the room, he gently guides her to the bed.

“Now lie down. I know it sounds impossible, but I need you to relax and try to think about something happy.”

As she lies down, Ethan gently pulls up the covers around her.

“Something happy like what it would be like if we went on a date?”

“If that’s what makes you happy then sure.”

Her happiness leaves as quickly as it came.

“What’s wrong?”

“I just feel like there are so many things that I should have done.”

“Like what?”

“I should have loved more.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve spent the last decade focusing on college, med school, work, always guarding my heart because I might be in another city the next year. It makes me wonder… what could have been,” she confesses sadly.

Ethan is quiet for a long moment.

“Since we’re sharing regrets, do you mind if I share one of mine?”

“Go ahead.”

Reaching across, Ethan’s gloved hand finds hers.

“I wish I hadn’t asked you to stay away.”

“You do?” she asks surprised.

“We’ve wasted so much time. I’ve wasted so much time. I should have held you in my arms every day and told you how much I… how much I love you.”

“Ethan?”

“Shh… I just needed you to know… that no matter what happens… I love and care about you more than I can ever tell you.”

“I love you too, Ethan.”

“You do?”

“Of course! I thought you knew that already.”

“I did. It’s just so wonderful to hear you say it.”

“I wish I could kiss you.”

“Soon. You will soon.”

Joining her on the bed, he wraps his bulky arms around her as eyes begin to flutter closed.

“Evelyn? Can you please look at me?”

“Hmm?”

Forcing her eyes open, she looks at him through his helmet.

“Promise me that you’ll keep fighting. That you won’t give up. Oh, Evelyn… our story’s only just begun and it can’t end here. Please… please promise me.”

“…I… promise,” she whispers before falling asleep.

The next morning she wakes up to excruciating pain in her stomach. Doubling over, Ethan reaches across from the chair for her.

“It’s okay Evelyn, you’ll be alright!”

Feeling weaker than ever, she can barely make out the blurry figures running to her window.

“Evelyn! We did it!” Aurora shouts.

“Huh?”

Baz and June enter the room with the antidote as Tobias explains how they did it.

“What about Raf? He’s much sicker than I am…”

“We administered it to him, but too far there’s been no chance. It’s possible we’re already too late.” Sienna gloomily reveals.

“But he hasn’t gotten any worse, that has to mean something!” Elijah adds.

As Ethan gently injects the serum into her vein, he whispers into her ear.

“Hang in there, Evelyn.”

Over the next several anxious hours, June comes regularly to take her blood.

Slowly, her blood pressure stabilizes and the nausea begins to fade.

As Evelyn looks around, she realizes that the room no longer looks blurry.

“Get up.”

She turns around to see a hazmat suit free Ethan stroll into the room with a big smile on his face.

“You mean…”

“It worked. There’s no trace of toxin left in your bloodstream. Even if there are still traces in the room, we know now that we can-”

“Oh!”

Evelyn flies into Ethan's arms pulling him into a tight hug.

“…What you’re saying is I’m finally free to do this?”

“Yes. This too.”

He leans down capturing her lips in a passionate kiss as tears fall down both of their faces.

“Ethan, aren’t you worried that someone will see?”

“No. After almost losing you, I’ve decided that there are more important things to worry about than what people will think. I love you with all my heart, Evelyn Long.”

Through her tears, she smiles up at him.

“I love you too, Ethan.”

{Two Weeks Later}

Taglist: @mercury84choices @a-crepusculo @emmasumbrella @quixoticdreamer16 @headoverheelsforramsey @mm2305 @adiehardfan @schnitzelbutterfingers

@choicesficwriterscreations @choicesbookclub

Please let me know if you’d like to be added or removed❤️

#playchoices #open heart #oph book club #ethan ramsey #ethan ramsey x mc #ethan x mc #ethan x evelyn #oph fic #open heart fanfic #choices fic writers creations

[togetherwearerapture]

Boundary (Ethan x MC x Tobias?)

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x MC (Elle Valentine) x (hints of) Tobias Carrick

Description: Tobias and Elle get to know each other while working on a case. Tobias pushes some boundaries.

Warnings: A few curse words, underlying health problems. Most characters belong to Pixelberry.

Word Count: 5.9k

Notes: Something a bit different, but I very much enjoyed writing this. There’s no overt Tobias x MC, so this is hopefully something Ethan stans can enjoy reading too. If PB won’t give me what I want, I guess write it myself lol 

*********

It’s early Fall, yet despite this fact and the hospital’s ‘Bloom-and-improved’ ventilation systems, the diagnostics office feels uncomfortably hot. Elle feels a prickling heat across her back, one that she has become accustomed to of late. The façade she’s wearing is beginning to feel like an actual mask, all clinical-scented and restrictive and artificial.

And yet, this is not a mask she’s wearing on a crowded, sweltering T carriage. Her discomfort is unwarranted; there are, after all, only three of them in the room.

Oblivious, Ethan and Harper continue their conversation. She’s tuned out long ago, but she catches the premise- something that Dr Yannick once said at a conference in New York several years ago.

If she really tried, Elle knows she could search for a moment to join in the discussion. But if she’s being honest with herself, she’s tired of searching for sidegates to enter their house of conversation, instead of ever being invited through the front door.

She tries her hardest to appear relaxed, unbothered, indifferent. But her uneasiness spills into her mannerisms, like water through a cracked pot. Manicured nails drum erratically on the top of her thigh. Her top teeth tug, over and over again, at her lips. The apex of her stiletto heel taps the diagnostic office floor like a furious knife.

She likes and respects Harper very much, and her feelings for Ethan, both as a diagnostician and as her romantic partner are unfathomable. But as juvenile as it sounds, she’s so tired of being shut out.

A whooshing of the sliding doors breaks her out of her reverie, and she and the two other occupants of the room look up. Tobias Carrick strides in, all beams and bravado.

Her own notion takes her by surprise, but somehow, she thinks, his arrival is the breath of fresh air she so desperately needs.

“Goooood morning team!” he chimes brightly. Once again, his arms are laden with a trayful of drinks.

“Morning,” Elle offers him a warm smile, Harper echoing her words.

Ethan nods towards the drinks.

“Another round on you?”

“Sure is, but this isn’t just any old round, Ethan,” Tobias replies. “Now I’ve spent a week on the team, I take great pride in this being the first drinks order that’s just right, for all of you.”

Ethan quirks an eyebrow.

“Oh?”

Tobias grins, and plucks the first drink off the tray.

“Harper,” he presents her with an extravagant looking drink. “Chocolate frappucino. Double the sugar, double the caffeine. The Friday OR schedule is always jam packed, so I reckon you’ll need it.”

“You got that right, I’ve got two laminectomies today,” she sighs, although the passion for her job shines through her eyes. She takes a sip from her drink. “No complaints from me!”

“Excellent,” Tobias grins. “Ethan- a Vienna for you. Classic, refined, and,” he winks, “only a little pretentious.”

Ethan accepts the drink with a roll of his eyes, as Tobias moves around the desk to Elle.

“And now, for you Elle,” he hands her the third cup. “I must admit, for you I went out on a whim. I just hope my guess is a lucky one.”

Curiosity piqued, Elle presses the rim to her lips. She is aware of the eyes of both Tobias and Ethan following her action with interest. Mild, pleasant citrus swims onto her palate.

“Lemon balm?” she asks Tobias. He nods. “You going to elaborate?”

He shrugs.

“Well, I’ve noticed that I’ve never seen you with a coffee before 4pm, so I figured you like to limit caffeine earlier in the day. And I’ve seen you make up a couple of herbal teas before. I took a gamble and figured you’d like this one.”

“Impressive guess, Carrick,” Elle nods, amused. She takes a sip. “It’s good, thank you.”

“Those are some very…astute observations” says Ethan stiffly, as Tobias takes a seat beside Elle. “Maybe you can put your perceptiveness to better use for our next case.”

He slides three manila envelopes across the table, and the team begin to peruse.

“Jake Adams. 17-year-old male admitted last night, with multiple cardiac arrests,” Ethan begins. “He collapsed at school, was unresponsive, no signs of life, but luckily a fellow student was able to perform high-quality CPR until the paramedics arrived. Heart rhythm on their defibrillator was ventricular fibrillation, he was shocked, back to normal sinus rhythm. Between the scene, being loaded onto the stretcher, in the ambulance and arriving here, he arrested and was shocked again 5 more times.”

“Jesus, poor boy,” murmurs Elle, a crease forming between her brows.

“Cardiology have asked us if we can determine the cause of the arrest, which will of course determine the treatment,” Ethan explains.

“This case only came in last night and since he’s now on life support, we’re able to bypass Bloom’s absurd judicial performance and get straight into it,” Harper adds. “Actually, Ethan and I discussed it at length before you both arrived, and we have some solid ideas.”

Elle looks up from the file, quirking an eyebrow.

“Oh?”

“So I’m thinking Long QT syndrome, or maybe Brugada,” says Harper.

“They would definitely explain the spontaneous cardiac arrest,” Ethan adds, “Harper and I have ordered genetic testing for both on immediate family members already.”

“Any family history of sudden cardiac death?” Tobias asks.

“Not that we know of,” says Ethan. “But that wouldn’t rule it out.”

Elle frowns slightly as she browses the file. The tests ordered so far are scant, and in her mind, there are several pieces of the diagnostic puzzle missing. But this didn’t seem to stop Harper and Ethan steamrollering ahead, and seemingly settling on a diagnosis before the case had even been presented.

“Does Jake have a-”

“Do you remember that patient with Brugada syndrome who came in for a study a few years ago, Ethan?” Harper turns to Ethan suddenly.

“Ah yes, Paul?” Ethan chuckles, “he was quite a character.”

As Harper and Ethan drift off once again, Elle glances up to see Tobias looking at her quizzically. She lets out a heavy sigh.

Tobias clears his throat.

“Hate to interrupt your…uh…stroll down memory lane,” he begins. “But Elle was about to ask a question about the case, and you both spoke over her.”

The three other diagnosticians turn to Tobias, and a tense silence hangs in the air. After a beat, Harper speaks up.

“I’m sorry Elle,” she says, sincerely. “That was out of line, please continue.”

Tobias turns to Ethan expectantly, who meets Elle’s eye.

Something flickers across his face for a moment, a mixture of shame, guilt, embarrassment, perhaps? It’s a look that Elle can’t quite place. Then, his eyes skim to Tobias and he coughs awkwardly.

“Yes…thank you Tobias. We did speak over you, Elle, I apologise. What were you saying?”

“I was asking if he had a 15-Lead ECG.”

“Not yet,” Harper replies.

“Then until he has one, I don’t think you can consider Brugada syndrome,” says Elle. “We’d need to do an ajmaline challenge too. I can see from the echocardiogram reports in here that he has a structurally normal heart, so we can definitely exclude congenital heart disease as the cause. But for me personally,” she gestures to the file, “there’s a lot missing in here. About what actually happened.”

“How do you mean?” Ethan asks.

“About the context of the cardiac arrest. All we know is that he was at school, but what was he doing? Was he doing anything strenuous, did it happen at rest? There’s a lot more I’d like to know.”

The rest of the team nod thoughtfully.

“I agree…if it happened during exertion, there’s a few other things we could rule out,” says Tobias.

“Exactly,” says Elle. “I think we should consider catecholaminergic polymorphic ventricular tachycardia.”

“You’re thinking CPVT?” asks Ethan, interested. “It’s a possibility.”

“Yes, and it’s one I’d like to investigate more by visiting the school, and finding out more about what happened” says Elle.

“I think that’s a good idea,” Harper responds, twirling her fountain pen between her fingers. “But unfortunately, I won’t be able to join you on your expedition. Like Tobias said, I’ve got a full day in the OR.”

The rest of the team turn to Ethan, who hesitates.

“I…have a meeting with Naveen and the board until lunch,” he says. “Which-”

“-means it’s just you and me, Valentine!” exclaims Tobias, clapping his hands together. “Oh boy, I’ve been looking forward to my first house call with the diagnostics team. We’re going to be on some scooby doo shit, Elle!”

“I beg your pardon?” says Ethan, scowling. Elle can’t help but burst out laughing.

“That settles it then, me and Elle will go to the school,” says Tobias, standing up from his chair. At the same time, Harper gets a page that her surgery is starting and bids them a hurried farewell.

“I was going to say, which means the three of us can go this afternoon once I’m finished,” Ethan says stiffly, as Harper heads out. Tobias shoots him a bemused look.

“I’d rather not wait,” says Elle flatly.

Ethan has wasted enough time in their meetings by bringing up pointless anecdotes with Harper, and she’s very keen to revert her focus to the patients, to diagnostics- the things she loves.

“Me and Valentine will be just fine, E. After all, I’m sure what happened with Jake is still pretty raw to the kids and staff, we’ll need to handle it delicately. Two’s company, three’s a crowd, right?” Tobias flashes Elle a smile.

The same look as before flashes across Ethan’s face, although this time, Elle thinks, it has less of the awkwardness and embarrassment and more of the…something else. His bright blue eyes seem to narrow a fraction, as he looks between Tobias and the woman of his affections.

“Alright,” he sighs finally. “We’ll reconvene when you’re back.”

“Let’s get this show on the road!” says Tobias happily. “To the mystery machine!”

He crosses the room to retrieve his car keys from his bag, while Ethan turns to Elle, and this time, the look of concern is undeniable.

“If you need anything,” he closes some of the distance between them and lowers his voice just a little, “just call me.”

“I think we can handle it,” says Elle, not unkindly. “Enjoy your meeting. And tell Naveen I said hello.”

And with that, she and Tobias leave the office.

********

A short while later, Elle and Tobias are riding in his blue Mercedes S-Class on the way to Jake’s school, a short drive away in South Quincy.

“Not exactly the mystery machine, huh?” says Elle, glancing around at the plush interior.

Tobias shrugs.

“The same colour, at least.”

Boston blurs by as Tobias pulls into a main road, and Elle turns to look at him. His side profile is unmistakably handsome. He drives one handed, the other resting on his thigh.

“So, how’s June?”

He gives a wry half smile, and glances at her.

“Is that your way of asking if we’re still sleeping together?”

“No!” says Elle, honestly. “I’m just wondering how she’s fitting in at Mass Ken. I mean, she left Edenbrook when she thought the ship was going to sink. I got the impression she was pretty keen to be working on your team, now I can’t help but think now you’ve come here, Aurora too…don’t you think she’s been left kinda high and dry?”

“In all honesty, I haven’t seen her for a while, and don’t expect to again anytime soon,” Tobias admits. “But trust me, Hirata will be just fine. She’s head of the team there now.”

Elle raises her eyebrows, impressed.

“I’d say she moves fast, but actually, that doesn’t surprise me in the slightest.”

“She was pissed as hell when I said I was leaving, don’t get me wrong,” says Tobias. “But she’s the strongest diagnostician on that team, and the strongest player too.”

“Player?”

“She knows how to play the game. She’ll have no trouble asserting herself as the new leader, running the show the way she wants to.”

Elle thinks back to her time working with June. The way she changed her personality to gain patients’ trust…and Elle’s. Distant anger simmers at the back of her mind, as she remembers how June stole her employee file.

“I agree…office politics was always child’s play for June.”

“Speaking of,” says Tobias as they stop at a red light. He turns to look at her. “The meeting this morning seemed very…uh…political.”

Elle pauses as feels the uncomfortable tingling rise in her chest. She could ask “what are you talking about?”, but she knows exactly what he’s talking about. And there’s something about Carrick that makes her want to cut the crap, to be upfront. So she is.

“You mean Harper and Ethan…”

“Yeah, that. Whatever the hell that was.”

Elle is silent.

“Does that…happen a lot?”

“More often than I’d like.”

“Well, good job I’m here then,” he grins.

Elle’s head whips around.

“Excuse me?”

“C’mon, you can’t tell me you didn’t appreciate the out.”

She rounds on him.

“Ok, let’s make one thing clear, I don’t need you to fight my battles” says Elle angrily. “Since Harper joined, every time the two of them have gone off track, I’ve steered them back on. I’m here for the patient, to solve the case, and nothing is going to detract my focus from that. That’s the way it’s going to stay, with or without your “outs”, Tobias.”

Tobias chuckles.

“You’re feisty Elle, I like it.” His eyes sweep over her from head to toe, which makes Elle feel more angry, but also, inexplicably, makes her stomach flutter a little.

“What I mean is,” Tobias speaks more seriously; sensing her anger, but mercifully oblivious to the other sensation, “I hope you know you’ve got someone else in your corner Elle. I know how much you care about your patients, and I know Bloom’s going to make life for the team difficult, and try and undermine our every move. That’s not helped when it feels like you’re not listened to by the actual people in it. You’re an excellent doctor Elle, and I value your input. The others should too.”

Elle is dumbstruck. She still doesn’t know what to make of Tobias Carrick; she had picked up pieces and hints from the scattered stories she’d heard from Ethan, most recently in their walk through the rose garden. But while considering the perspective and feelings of the man she so deeply cares for, she acknowledges it is biased. Elle knows that she has good reason to be wary of Tobias; it was not just Ethan he had toyed with, after all- Aurora had been burned by him too.

But, Tobias had helped to save her life. And the genuine smile that he gave her through the contamination screens of that cursed room, on the worst day of her life, had always stayed with her.

So, with a pinch of salt ready between her fingers, Elle decided from the moment he joined the team, that she would form her own opinion of him.

It occurs to her then, just how much Ethan sees the world in black and white. But Tobias Carrick is very much a shade of grey.

Before she can respond to him, the GPS on Tobias’ dash declares that they are arriving at their destination, and sure enough, Elle sees the school up ahead on the right.

“Here we are,” murmurs Tobias as he pulls in through the school gates. “Looks like we’re expected.”

They park up and head over to the school steps, surrounded by blossom trees, where a middle aged woman offers them a watery smile and extends a hand.

“Ah, hello…the doctors from Edenbrook, I presume?” she asks. “I’m Helena Brady, the principal of Greenview High.”

“Yes, we spoke earlier on the phone,” says Elle. “I’m Dr Eleanor Valentine, and this is Dr Tobias Carrick. We’re here to speak to the people that were with Jake when he collapsed?”

“I’m afraid it’s just the one person,” says Helena gravely, leading them through the school. “His friend Charlie was the only one who saw it, and then ran for help. How is Jake doing?”

“He’s still in a coma, but stable,” says Tobias. “The most important thing for us to help him, is find out from Charlie some more about the collapse, and go from there.”

Helena nods, as they come to a stop outside a small office.

“We’ve all been praying for him, it’s so tragically sad…nothing like this has ever happened to a student before,” she sniffs stoically. “Thank you for your work doctors, but please, be gentle with the boy. He’s still very shaken.”

Elle smiles at her reassuringly.

“We will be, don’t worry.”

As Tobias and Elle knock and enter the room, the boy springs to his feet, eyes wild.

“You’re the doctors…how’s Jake, is he-oh god is he-is he dead?” he cries.

“No, Jake is ok. He’s been through a lot, but he’s recovering,” says Elle gently. Charlie sinks back into his chair, though his knees are still quaking.

“It’s Charlie right?” Tobias asks, pulling up a chair. “I’m Tobias and this is Elle. We’re Jake’s doctors. Do you know why we’re here today?”

“Y-yes, that’s me,” Charlie sniffs. “Principal Brady said you were here to talk to me about Jake…I was so scared, I thought, I thought that meant he had died.”

Elle kneels in front of him, laying a gentle hand on his knee.

“I’m really sorry that us coming made you think that, Charlie,” she says. “It must have been really tough watching Jake collapse like that, I’m not surprised you’re thinking the worst. But we think we can help Jake get better, we just need your help.”

Some of the tension seems to leave Charlie’s body upon hearing this; his shudders subside. He pulls anxiously at the strings of his hoodie, unruly teenage bangs falling over his forehead.

“So, Charlie,” Tobias asks as Elle pulls up a chair beside him, “do you think you could tell us a bit more about what Jake was doing when you saw him collapse? Had he been running, exercising, working out?”

“No,” Charlie says quietly. “He wasn’t doing anything like that.”

“That’s really helpful Charlie, thank you,” says Elle. “Can you tell us if he standing up or sitting down? Did he lose his balance or seem dizzy? Did he complain of feeling ill, or funny in any sort of way before it happened?”

Charlie stiffens.

“No. He was-we were-we were arguing.”

Tobias and Elle exchange a quick look.

“Is Jake your friend, Charlie?” Tobias asks.

“No! No he’s not, and I’m so sick of pretending he is!” Charlie shouts. “Jake’s my boyfriend!” Tears begin to roll down his cheeks.

“Oh Charlie, I’m so sorry,” says Elle. “You said you were pretending…does anyone else know that?”

Charlie shakes his head.

“No. That’s what we were arguing about,” he accepts a tissue that Elle offers, blowing his nose.

“Take your time, Charlie,” says Tobias, leaning back in his chair and folding his arms. “It’s ok.”

After a few deep breaths, Charlie steels himself.

“We’ve been dating for three years, kind of in secret, kind of not,” he explains. “My parents know I’m gay, and they’re fine with it. They’ve met Jake before and they love him, they know we’re together. But he’s not even out to his parents, they just think we’re friends.”

He sniffs.

“Now we’re in senior year, we’re both looking at colleges, and we want to go to different ones. We’d be living five hours apart. I don’t know if we can make the long-distance work, especially if his parents don’t know about us. In the times we’d both be back home, they wouldn’t understand why he’d want to spend a lot of that time with me. But the one thing I just really, really wanted, was for us to go to senior prom together. As a couple, you know? To just dress up together, get photos together, dance together, one last time before we leave.”

“And Jake…wasn’t on board with that?” asks Elle.

“He was,” says Charlie. “He said he really wanted to. He just…wasn’t on board with the part of that which meant he’d have to come out to his parents.”

“I see,” says Tobias.

Charlie’s eyes begin to fill with tears again.

“I was saying, before he collapsed, that he didn’t love me,” he cries. “That he must not love me if he’s not prepared to come out. He was getting so upset, begging me, telling me of course he loved me, he was just scared, and then-” he sobs. “Then he was on the floor.”

Elle kneels beside him again, taking both his hands in her own.

“I’ve been googling stuff that could have caused it,” Charlie sniffles. “I saw there’s this condition, some long one beginning with, a C, I think, that means people’s hearts can give out when they’re stressed.”

Tobias raises an eyebrow, somewhat impressed at the boy’s diagnostic skills.

“What if-what if I could’ve killed him, because of the argument? And I told him he must not love me, I didn’t even mean it, I know how hard it is to come out, I didn’t mean to-” he buries his head in his hands.

“Charlie- Charlie listen to me,” says Elle. “It’s true, that we think Jake might have a condition called CPVT. It means that certain situations, like exercise, or stress, can cause the heart to go into an abnormal rhythm. But that does not mean, whatsoever, that any of this is your fault. We all say things we don’t mean in the heat of the moment, when we’re angry. If Jake does have this condition, and we’ll have to run a couple more tests to know that for sure, then it means that we can treat it, and stop it from happening again. It could have happened to him at anytime, anywhere, but he was lucky enough to be with you. You’ve helped him have a lucky escape.”

“R-really?” asks Charlie.

“Really,” says Tobias, who is on his feet. He lays a hand on Charlie’s shoulder.  “Your principal was telling us earlier that you did CPR on Jake while you got others to run for help?”

“Yes,” Charlie mutters, looking up at Tobias.

“Well Charlie, I think you saved his life.”

Charlie’s eyes gleam with hope.

“What are you applying for at college?” Tobias asks.

“Um..cardiac nursing,” he says.

“Very fitting. You’ll always be welcome at Edenbrook for some work experience.” Tobias smiles, genuinely. It’s the same smile Elle remembers from after the attack.

“Do you think, then, that he’ll be ok?” Charlie asks tentatively.

“Yes, I do,” smiles Elle. “And I think that you and Jake will be ok too.”

****************

Some time later, Elle steps out of the school. After speaking at length with the school counsellor, she had made sure that Charlie had some extensive therapy sessions in place. Tobias is waiting for her at the foot of the steps, beneath the blossom trees, and she is surprised to see he has a cigarette in hand.

“You smoke?” she raises an eyebrow at him as she approaches. “I thought you’d know better, Tobias.”

He takes a drag.

“Vices, Valentine,” he quips. “We all have them.”

Elle vaguely remembers Ethan had once said the same thing about butter.

“Carcinogens, though. Really?”

Tobias chuckles.

“I’m dirty, what can I say?”

He dutifully puts out the cigarette, as Elle gives him a reproachful look, and turns to her.

“You were good in there, with him,” says Tobias.

“Thanks…so were you.”

“We make a good team,” he smiles, and his expression softens a little. “That was kinda heavy though. You bearing up ok?” he asks.

Elle nods.

“I’m fine. I just hope Charlie will be ok, I really want to make sure he starts therapy as soon as possible.  I know how much of a difference it made for me, after the attack.”

She trails off, and Tobias seems to sense the darkness clouding over her eyes. The mild September breeze sifts through the blossom trees above them with a gentle sigh.

“I don’t think I ever actually said this to you,” says Elle quietly, “but thank you. For helping to save me and Raf, that day.”

“No thanks needed,” he responds. “I wanted to do everything I could to help.”

He pauses only briefly before continuing.

“You know, out of everything that happened that day, all the work we did in the lab trying to find an antidote…the one thing I remember most is how Ethan was in that room. In all the years I’ve known him, I’ve never seen him like that before. About anyone, or anything.”

A sudden chill trickles down her neck, goosebumps erupt on her forearms; a million tiny foothills.

Since their conversation in the car after Danny and Bobby’s funeral, Ethan had never really spoken in depth about his own feelings during the attack. Sometimes, in early hours when they laid in bed together, with the rain hammering against his window, she would mention it.

And every time, she would see his eyes darken with so many unsaid words. He would fix his gaze desperately on her like she was evaporating steam, set to vanish from existence in a matter of moments. His hold on her waist would tighten, fingertips tracing her soft skin as if to remind himself she wasn’t a ghost.

There had been whispers in his bed in the stillness of the night, when they were both half asleep. He had uttered sleepy confessions and declarations to her; some so heartfelt and moving, she still questioned whether they were real or if she had dreamt them.

More often straight after the attack, but still now sometimes, she would wake in his arms to find him already looking at her, his eyes filled with wonder, pain, and something else that she was starting to place.

‘Why are you awake?’ she would gently murmur.

‘I couldn’t sleep. I-had a nightmare.’

She would press herself closer to his chest, feel his strong arms encircling her as he pressed a kiss to her forehead.

‘I’m here, Ethan.’

‘I know. I’m…so glad you are.’

She is jolted to the present with Tobias’ voice.

“Even if he didn’t show it this morning…Ethan’s got it bad for you, you know.”

Elle cranes her neck to look up at him- at the man who shares so much history with Ethan. He’s almost as tall as her lover, but slightly less built, shoulders not quite as broad. Alike in many ways, but different in so many others.

“Why are you here, Tobias?” she asks, without breaking eye contact. “You had it all at Mass Kenmore. You’re an excellent diagnostician, you could have gone anywhere. Why, of all people, would you want to come and work for Ethan, someone you have such a complicated past with?”

Tobias’ hazel eyes, a contrast to Ethan’s azure blue’s, look into hers deeply. She knows that there’s something hiding beneath their golden depths; either earnestness, an ulterior motive, or perhaps something more complicated- a mixture of both.

He takes a step towards her, raising his hand towards her face. Her breath hitches, then climaxes in a soft exhale, when he simply removes a lone blossom petal that has settled on the lapel of her white coat. She wonders what exactly she had been expecting him to do.

Tobias twists his tongue between his teeth, a half-smile playing on his lips. Once again, his eyes roam over her from head to toe. This close, Elle can smell his cologne. It’s good; notes of leather and pine and exotism drift to her olfactory nerve. It’s a contrast to her favourite aftershave of Ethan’s, which smelled like bergamot, cedar, and home.

Tobias drops the petal to the floor, his eyes never leaving hers.

“I’m here Elle,” he murmurs, “because I want to push boundaries.”

********************

Ethan leans against his desk, fingertips drumming impatiently. His meeting had been finished for a while now, but he was still waiting for Elle and Tobias to return.

His old rival’s keenness to go on an outreach call with Elle had stirred something within him. Something in his head had switched on. A distant alarm bell that had been silent for some time, had started to ring.

Lost in thought, he mulls over the events of the morning.

He’d done it again.

He, and Harper, had spoken over Elle when she was trying to talk about the patient. Not only that, he recognises now, but before Tobias had entered the room, the two of them had been reminiscing about something that didn’t involve Elle in the slightest.

He doesn’t know why he keeps slipping up. He harbours no romantic feelings for Harper whatsoever, but he’s been enjoying the chance to work more closely with her, the friendly conversations, to share stories and experiences.

But they haven’t just been work related, he thinks. Did I really need to bring up the flamenco lessons? Or Gaston’s? He recalls the look on her face when he’d told Elle he planned to take her there because of its intimacy, immediately after discussing it with Harper. Before Elle’s forced smile and her gracious reply of “I’d like that,” he’d always thought he had caught a flicker of dismay, of hurt, on her features.

Now he’s certain it was more than a flicker.

I don’t deserve her, he thought.

With a swoosh, the doors of the diagnostics office open. He sees the familiar head of immaculately coiffed blonde locks, and as his eyes travel down to Elle’s beautiful face, his heart soars, and he can’t help but break into a wide smile.

“Elle!” he says happily, pushing himself up of the desk.

I missed you, he foolishly finds himself wanting to say, despite the fact that like most days at work, it’s only been a few hours since he’s seen her. But as his eyes travel to Tobias following her in, he keeps the admission to himself.

“We have an answer,” says Elle triumphantly. “We’ve listed Jake for an ICD insertion tomorrow morning.”

“It was CPVT?” Ethan asks.

“Yep,” says Tobias. “Elle’s hunch was right. Turns out it was an argument with his boyfriend that brought on the cardiac arrest. We ran a test for CPVT as soon as we got back, while you were still in the meeting, and it’s positive.”

Elle smiles brightly.

“Jake’s going to be okay.”

Ethan beams. He’s exceptionally proud of her.

“Excellent work Elle,” he leans forward to squeeze her arm, as bold a gesture as he dares while they have company. “And thanks Tobias, for helping out.”

“The pleasure’s all mine,” says Tobias. He looks pointedly at Elle, then adds, “believe me.”

An unpleasant sensation coils in the pit of Ethan’s stomach. He tries to push it down.

As Tobias crosses the room to take a phone call, he steps closer to Elle, lowering his voice.

“Listen Elle, about earlier. I’m sorry,” he says sincerely, tentatively taking her hand in his own. He caresses her tiny fingers with his thumb. “It’s unacceptable for me to talk over you in meetings, and I…know that this isn’t the first time it’s happened, and that there are, uh, other things. I’m sorry if my actions have ever made you feel excluded.”

Elle’s bright green eyes look into his thoughtfully, though she says nothing; silently willing him to continue.

“I’d like to make it up to you. I think a date night between us is long overdue. Can I take you for dinner tonight?” he asks. A flash of hope, along with the tinge of dismay he remembers from before, travels across her face. “Not Gaston’s,” he adds quickly. “I want to find somewhere new with you. For us.”

Her face floods with warmth, eyes gazing into his searchingly. He desperately scans her beautiful face, seeking some inkling of her true feelings; the ones he knows she’s bottling up.

“You’re right, it is long overdue,” she says finally, her gaze steady. “And I’d really like that, to find somewhere new to go to dinner with you. But I can’t do tonight.”

His heart sinks a little, and as if sensing this, like she always seems to, she squeezes his hand reassuringly.

“I’m out for drinks with Si, Aurora and Jackie tonight. But we’ll go soon.”

She offers him a soft smile, which he returns.

It doesn’t quite quell the slight but unmistakable feeling of anxiety in his stomach. It’s guilt, it’s the gnawing thought that he will never be good enough for her, the idea that he’s taken her for granted.

Worst of all, there is the completely irrational, but terrible notion that he could lose her.

And somehow, the thought that he could lose her in living rather than in death, as he had once feared, is almost more terrible.

She gently lets go of his hand. On the other side of the room, Tobias hangs up the phone.

“I’m going to go and speak to Jake’s parents,” says Elle, slipping off and readjusting her white coat.

Ethan’s eyes travel over her form-fitting pencil skirt, clinging to her delicate body in all the right places.

He doesn’t miss the way Tobias’ do the same. Then, as if knowing he’s being watched, he looks up at Ethan. His eyes narrow, and the corners of his lips twitch.

Ethan wants nothing more than to sock him in the jaw.

“We’ll check in later, once Harper’s finished surgery?” she asks, breaking the two men out of their reverie.

Ethan nods, and Elle bids them goodbye. The click of her heels on the linoleum echoes into the tense silence. Then, he can’t hold it in any longer.

“Could you be,” Ethan begins through gritted teeth, “a little more fucking subtle, Carrick?”

Tobias chuckles.

“I can’t help it, Ethan, and clearly neither can you. A woman like that, body like that…we’re just as powerless as any other red-blooded male.”

Ethan curls his fists in the pockets of his coat.

“Don’t talk about Elle like that. I won’t have you disrespecting her in that way,” he spits, taking a step towards him.

“You want to talk about disrespecting her?” counters Tobias, unflinching. “Because I think taking a stroll down memory lane with your ex, every five minutes, is pretty disrespectful to the woman you’re currently fucking.”

Ethan is stunned. Had she told Tobias that it had happened before? Did she tell him they were seeing eachother, or had Tobias clocked it himself? What exactly had they talked about while they were away?

“Elle is- she’s off limits,” he snaps, the only response his seething mind is able to come up with.

Tobias smiles, satisfied at seeing the other man riled up. Then, infuriatingly, he turns away.

“Who decided that, Ethan?” he says quietly over his shoulder “Her or you?”

And with that, Tobias turns and leaves.

*******

Author’s Note: Thanks for reading this far! I wanted to explore the dynamic between Elle and Tobias, and the way I wrote him in this fic reflects my own thoughts about him; I think he’s a good guy, as demonstrated by him helping to save her life and his thoughtfulness, but I’m definitely suspicious of his ulterior motives and his past actions. I also wanted the sexual tension between Ethan, Elle and Tobias, and was hoping that PB would make Tobias call out Ethan shutting her out of meetings. They didn’t deliver so I did it myself lol Also wanted Ethan to start feeling insecure about the way he’s been treating Elle since his behaviour has been trash thanks to the OOC writing, but I still love him

#ethan ramsey x mc #ethan x mc #tobias carrick #ethan ramsey #tobias carrick x mc #open heart #choices open heart #open heart 3

[pet-genius]

Excerpt from an old fic - "The Snapes' Last Christmas"

Hogwarts, December, before the Christmas break, before the Courtyard scene, Severus’s 5th year

“Why do I hear rumours that you’re going to stay here over Christmas?” Lily asked Severus in mock-outrage.

“That depends, Lil. Is Potter leaving for Christmas?” He answered her with an earnest question.

“’Course he is,” she told him.

“Then I am staying. I’ll finally get some actual studying done in this place.”

“Oh, don’t be like that, Sev!” Lily pleaded with him. “Who wants to be at school over Christmas break? It’s time to be with family!”

Good one, Severus thought to himself. “You haven’t been to Christmas at our house, though, have you?”

Lily looked down. “I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I meant… Come home for me!”

For a change, refusing her came easy. “Why don’t you stay here?” He asked his friend.

“No way. My parents will kill me. And I miss the little Muggle town! Come on!”

Lily might have had something to miss over there; Severus did not. The only place worse than school was home, and with Potter gone, school wouldn't be that bad.

“Drop it, Lily, I’m not spending another Christmas with Tobias asking why I didn’t bring him anything from that good-for-nothing wanker wizarding town when he doesn’t send me any money. You have fun though.”

She looked hurt. “So that’s it? You’re leaving me alone with Petunia?” It was not a welcoming prospect.

“What about all your Muggle friends?” He asked her, not without a note of bitterness. “Why don’t you spend your break with them?”

That’s great, Lily thought to herself. He was just trying to make her beg him to come, and she knew it.

“Well, I can’t tell them about magic, for one. Two, my parents told everyone I’m going to some posh private boarding school, and we don’t learn any Muggle subjects here and all my friends will expect me to be clever and I will feel like an idiot. Three, they’ll all want to talk about movies and records, and I haven’t seen a movie or heard a record in ages. Don’t you miss it at all? The movies?”

She doesn’t get it, does she? “Hey Tobias, can I get some money to go to the movies with my freak witch friend, please? How do you expect this to work out, Lil?” She forgot, sometimes, how awful he was. Good for her, Severus thought. Then she suggested he use magic, as if he was stupid to not have thought of it before.

“You can try Summoning his wallet, the last time I tried that I was limping for a week.”

Lily started to look exasperated, or maybe Severus imagined it. “Then I’ll get my mum to buy you tickets. Come on, is this what this is about? Money? Because we can study at my house, you know, mum and dad will be pleased.”

Severus did not need her charity. He wasn’t the one so desperate to go to the movies.

“Just ask Potter to spend Christmas with you. He’ll fly his stupid Nimbus 1000 across the entire United Kingdom for you twice, I reckon.”

Why does he have to tease me about James? It’s not my fault he fancies me. It’s not like I like his stupid stunts.

“Maybe Malfoy will give you a couple of Sickles, if you don’t tell him it’s so that you can go to the movies with a big Mudblood!”

Why are we fighting? She is the one who came to me!

“I don’t think you’re a mudblood, Lily, stop it,” he told her. Besides, Lucius had been busy. The last time Lucius had written him was weeks ago, and even that letter was really short. Lucius had been learning fascinating magic, though, so who could blame him? Much more useful than the rubbish they were teaching Severus at Hogwarts, he reckoned. There was magic out there he could really use, and he could not wait to use it all on Tobias… on the glorified trolls that made it their job to make his life as miserable as possible…

Lily noticed he was no longer in the same conversation as her. “A knut for your thoughts?”

“Nothing, honest.”

“So you’ll come?” She asked him. “Please? Pretty please? We don’t have to go to the movies. We don’t have to do anything. I just want you home with me.” She looked at him with a devilish spark in her eyes and almost sung: “and it will drive Petunia crazy.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“Yes!” Lily exclaimed, and kissed him on the cheek. “I knew I could count on you!”

She ran off to join a group of giggling girls. Shocked, Severus remained where he was and touched his hot cheek. Currents ran up and down his body. Now he had to go. You’re good, Evans, he thought.

Spinner’s End, Christmas Eve, Severus’s fifth year

Of course, Tobias did not let Severus go to the Evanses for Christmas dinner. It'd been like that every year - a Christmas dinner with no decorations, with no guests, with his mother looking especially miserable (of course, this year he knew why). Every year, it was only the three Snapes sitting there while Tobias angrily barked at them to look happy. Not that he ever looked happy - he looked drunk. And mean.

“My own son wants to spend Christmas Eve with the redhead freak uptown and my own wife can’t be cheerful on this holy day to save her life.” Great, Tobias has something to say. He never shuts up.

“You know, they invited us. All of us. Even you. It was very nice of them, and it was very rude of us not to come,” Severus said. He knew his cheek would cost him, but he didn’t care.

“Rude, am I? They only invited us to show off their posh house, again, you idiot.” Just because they are not dirt poor does not make them “posh”, Severus thought. His father did not even know what posh was. But Severus did - he’d been to the Malfoy Manor.

“They invited us because Lily is my friend, Tobias!” Severus shouted - better go down for the dragon than for the egg.

“I am your father, Severus, your only father, and I certainly don’t want to spend Christmas with yet another abomination!” He waved his knife and fork ominously. “You and your useless mother are bad enough without that little pest running around my house, eating my food, stealing my belt. Don’t think I didn’t know about that, you wanker.”

Now he made Severus angry - well, angrier. “You don’t know anything, Tobias, she is a witch, not a common Muggle thief, she Vanished it!”

Tobias saw weakness, and he pounced. Even when drunk, he was good. An understanding smile spread across his revolting face. He looked like he just got his Christmas present. “She is too pretty for you, you know. She will outgrow you. I’ll bet the house she won’t know who you are by this time next year. She’ll vanish your knob before she comes near it. Pretty girls like her don’t go for gormless, ugly gits like you.”

Right where it hurts. He was that transparent, was he? And who was Tobias to call anyone else ugly? I hate you so much, Tobias.

“Do you ever shut up, Tobias? Or will you actually drop dead if you don’t shout at us? Can you not be a perfect arsehole for once in your life?”

They were nearly hook nose to hook nose, and there was nothing in either of their pairs of black eyes but hatred.

Tobias started undoing his new belt.

“Dinner is over,” he said with one of his special heinous smiles he saved just for his family, and as far as Severus was concerned, dinner could not end soon enough. Eileen hid her face behind her hands. “Don’t, Toby, please, I beg you. Let’s just eat,” she said. But since when did asking nicely get you anywhere in this house?

Severus was getting too big to kick around, but Eileen was getting smaller every year, if anything. Severus managed to run away with minimal damage, but his mother did not. She never even tried.

Moments later, Severus was in his mildewy room, listening to a symphony of plates breaking, Tobias shouting profanities, and the belt cracking.

Not one of your best ideas, Lily, he thought miserably, wondering if she was thinking about him at all.

He stayed awake, because he knew what was about to happen. Tobias would fall asleep and then he and his mother would finally have a moment of peace together. Since he was home, he figured he might as well ask her a few questions.

Sure enough, she quietly made her way to her son’s room as soon as Tobias started to snore.

“He’s a right bastard, you know that, right?” He asked her, as soon as she came in.

“You shouldn’t provoke him, Severus.” She struggled to make her way to his bed and sat with a wince. “I can’t help it, Mum. How can you let him treat you like that?”

“Never mind that now, love. Help your mum. You remember the healing spells you used last year, don’t you?” Severus nodded. “My clever boy. You’re a natural, you know.”

“Hmmm,” Severus grunted as he focused on performing the healing spells on his mother. He watched the swelling go down and the bruises melt away. There was a limit to what he could do with charms alone. If only he had some dittany or murtlap on him… Then you should have thought of that before you let Lily drag you into this miserable holiday.

Then his mother said, “All better. I’m glad you came home, Severus.”

“I ought to have fought him off you.”

“Don’t. I’m glad you didn’t. I’m proud of you. It hurts me more when he does it to you, you know that.”

She got up with effort; the bastard must have got her in places she didn’t want to let her son see.

“Are you going to go to a Muggle hospital, at least?”

“I don’t think so, no. I don’t like hospitals. I’ll be fine.”

He knew, he just knew, she was hiding something from him, and he’s had it. “Mum, I know why you can’t do magic.”

If she had any colour left in her face, she would have lost it there and then. “How?” She asked him, mortified.

“They have old Prophets at Hogwarts, you know.” She gulped. She remembered how the Prophet had told the story, and it was not good - ‘St. Mungo’s experimentalist Eileen Prince kills entire family on Christmas’, she believed, was the exact subtle wording they'd used.

“I’m sorry.” She said, choked up. “I should have told you sooner, Sevy, I’m sorry.”

There was only one thing Severus wanted to know. Well, two.

“If you did this, they deserved it. It’s just… how much worse can they be than him.” His head jerked in the direction of the snoring. “And why won’t you kill him, mum, I mean it.”

Her eyes were wet. Severus hadn’t seen her cry in years.

“They did not deserve it. They were wonderful. It was all my fault, Severus. I didn’t mean it.” She drew a laboured breath and wiped her eyes dry.

“Have you learned about Felix Felicis yet?” She asked him. The official curriculum hadn’t covered the lucky potion yet, but Severus knew what it was.

When she was done with her tale, her son understood everything.

*****

Sitting in the Headmaster’s office, Professor Severus Snape figured since it was almost Christmas, after all, he might as well use a Christmas memory to produce his Patronus. In his mind, he carefully avoided stepping on the landmines of memory that could extinguish even the strongest Patronus, and focused on Lily’s singing voice telling him that “it will drive Petunia crazy” and how she had kissed him on the cheek, and he sent the Doe Patronus to lead her son to the Sword.

#snape fic #snape #snape content #snape fanfiction #severus snape #young snape #snape love #let me know what you think? #i keep saying i'll republish this fic when I've fixed some issues but I never do #since i realized i could write AUs where he lives or something instead #sigh #but it always comes out angsty in the end :( #why #but please tell me what you think?

[whump-town]

Careful

Takes place after 5x01 because I love that angst of that episode and I love hurting Hotch but also Reid so...

No warnings

Dozing in and out of anesthesia it takes Spencer several hours to recall the full events of the day. He’s in too much pain, too distracted to note the lack of people at his bedside. Penelope holds his hand and he knows it’s her because he cracks an eye open and sees that someone dressed as the embodiment of the rainbow is softly asking him if he wants another ice chip. As time moves on, minutes feeling like hours, his sense comes to him and he sees the room around him. Feels a pang of hurt when he realizes that while Derek is eating his jello he does not see the typical crowd of three always waiting just at the edge of his bed.

“Where’s Hotch?” he asks sleepily. He can’t disguise the pain in his voice at this realization that Hotch hasn’t shown up. Hotch is always here. Lingering just out of reach but watching, Hotch always watches. Maybe not every time that Spencer wakes up but there are always blurry memories of the older man. Sometimes resting or pacing the room or just sitting and waiting but something. There’s always something.

Derek clears his throat but Garcia’s softly muffled sob beat him to it.

The heart monitor jumps as Spencer’s anxiety skyrockets, the pieces of his memory filling in as he recalls the conversation he had with Emily. Foyet and blood and the hospital. He can’t fight his tears, no amount of quick blinking abates them. “Is he…”

Derek sits up, shushing him before he can find the words to fill in the heavy blank. “No, no,” he cups Spencer’s cheek, shaking his head. “No, pretty boy, he’s okay.” Derek shakes his head at his own exaggeration of the truth. Hotch is anything but okay right now but he’s alive and that has to count for something. “He’s a little banged up,” Derek amends. “He’s alive.”

They dodge his questions for the rest of the day. Using just how touched starved he is against him, turning his attention away from his thoughts with a hand pressed to his forehead. Fingers sweeping through his hair until he’s safely nestled back into his blankets and pillows, losing to his exhaustion.

The sunrise of the next day brings the pain he hadn’t felt under the mental fog of the other drugs. He curses Tobias Hankle and hates himself as he fists the sheets in his hands and shakes his head. Turning away their offers. Thankful he doesn’t have to explain how life has left him here chewed up and spit out and deprived of the drugs that would soothe this pain. Derek tries to help but Spencer doesn’t care that it’s not technically a relapse and no one would blink an eye if wanted something, hell anything but he shuts his eyes and refuses.

He’ll be fine.

The pain… After a while, he struggles to keep his cool. Penelope comes up early and wipes sweat from his brow where it’s accumulated in his strain. He tries to keep silent, answer her questions as nicely as he can so that he doesn’t say something mean. He hates the way that the words come out of his mouth. The way he takes his pain out on everyone else around him.

He just wants to know how Hotch is and after a while of their brief answers and shrugging, half-assed mumbles he can’t take it. Secluded to this bed, having no say in anything happening to him, all he has is time to get lost in his head. Which is okay for a while, he can think about books to take his mind away from the pain but that does get boring quickly. Daytime television is ass and he’s not nearly tired enough for a nap.

“How’s Hotch?” he asks knowing already what they’re going to tell him. Never direct answers because he suspects they’re trying to protect him but it’s really because they don’t know. They’re afraid to really know. He would be afraid too if he could see but he can’t see and he can’t know and he’s really, really fed up with it.

JJ shrugs. “He’s just--” she crosses her arms over her chest, shaking her head. Guarding herself. “You have to be careful around him,” she mumbles. That’s all that any of them seem to be able to agree on. This careful that they all seem to ache with. The way that they can’t even look him in the eyes to say it. Even Penelope, she looks down and tears glisten in her eyes and there’s that word again: careful.

And he mistakes JJ to mean that he has to be careful around Hotch. That they’re saying that he is at risk of setting Hotch off and it’s childish and a simple misunderstanding but it drives him crazy. Of all of them, they’re worried about him? He and Penelope are the only people who don’t go out of their way to piss Hotch off. Derek yells at him all the time, the two of them never get along. Hotch has known Spencer twice as long as he’s known Emily and Hotch hated her for the first year she was on the team.

But he needs to be careful? As if they aren’t torches lighting him ablaze.

So, he goes to see for himself.

It’s late and he’s working with a small time frame. Needs to wait for Dave to head home after dinner but before Emily can come to sit with him for the night. It’s about twenty minutes, he knows only because Derek aired the concern two days ago. Was afraid of what could happen in that amount of time but Dave had won out and the twenty minutes remained. Hotch needs a break from them and he likes the twenty minutes, so they’ll give him that.

So, twenty minutes it is.

The moving makes him tremble, the pain nearly overwhelming but he’s got a plan and he needs to move. Needs to do it fast.

He doesn’t know where Hotch’s room is but he knows it’s on the second floor. He’d heard JJ and Emily talking about Hotch getting moved from the intensive care unit to a general floor but not one like Spencer’s. Someplace still close to the nurses who often need to get to him quickly. Emily had dropped that it was the second floor, twisting her fingers anxiously in her hands. She hadn’t liked the idea of the move but it wasn’t up to her.

So Spencer makes his slow way down the hall of the second floor. His bracelet and crutches get him far, it just looks like he’s been sent by another floor’s nurse to get some exercise in. That and he’s aware that his overgrown hair and thin body makes him look younger, innocent so he gets smiles and the occasional wave and one says anything.

Finding Hotch is harder than he’d thought it would be but he finds the room. A giant stuffed bear sitting in the windowsill-- the same one, if not smaller he notes with a jealous frown, Garcia brought him. Stepping into the room he’s not sure what he’s expecting to find but it’s not this. Careful, they’d said, and he’d thought of Hotch’s performative anger. The way he sends paper flying through the air. Thought of the way Hotch had fussed with him over the years for his dangerous stunts.

Careful and he’d assumed Hotch would be hardened. Guarded.

He’d never thought careful could be mean weak.

There’s a walker sitting by the bed, discarded Spencer knows when he realizes that the wheelchair is physically closer to Hotch. That the tiny amount of space between the chair Hotch sleeps in now and the bed was too great a distance. Even though it’s no more three feet, no more than a step or two.

He’s paler than Spencer has ever seen him, held up by pillows, and breathing heavily even with the aid of the oxygen canal sneaking under his nose. Entirely limp, lifeless with his head turned into the raised side of the chair. To his left is the dinner he’d left nearly untouched, unable to stomach even a bite of unseasoned chicken or the steamed carrots that should have been easy on his stomach. He’d had a few sips of apple juice and fallen asleep, exhausted from just being moved from the bed.

Spencer stands there so frozen that he’s glad Hotch is asleep. He can’t imagine the ways in which he’d hurt his boss if he were awake to see the emotion in Spencer’s eyes. To see the tears and sympathy as his eyes move over Hotch’s chest. Taking in the dots of blood on his chest, the gown pulled down to show far too much. To see the staples peaking through where the gauze isn’t thick enough. That he’s being held together like a broken doll and he looks their measures just aren’t enough. He’s broken beyond compare.

“Reid.”

He jumps and turns to see Emily standing outside the door and he wonders just how long he’s been standing there. He steps out into the hall, flinching at the grip she has on his elbow as she steps close to him. There’s something about her eyes, the sneer he hasn’t yet heard in her voice. He’s afraid of her and she wants him to be. “Don’t let him see you looking at him like that,” she warns but it’s not the way you reprimand a misguided child. She’s pulling his hand from a red hot burner and she means to scare him. “Do you understand me? Do you think that’s what he needs right now? Seeing you look at him like that?”

She releases him and he resists the urge to rub where her fingers dug in. Only then does she soften, just a little, and sigh with a shake of her head at him. “Pull yourself together,” she mumbles, brushing past him to step into the room. “Don’t come in here unless you can handle it.” He sees her pain now, the way she looks at the floor. “He needs you to be strong, Spence. It’s not easy but he can’t do it right now.” She pulls in a deep breath, “I’ll tell him you came by--”

He shakes his head, “no, no I--”

She stops him, “please? Take tonight. Feel. Let it sink in and come back in the morning. He’ll… he’s better in the morning.” But her tone makes him think that’s probably not true.

He watches her go into the room, watching from where he’s hidden as she walks up to Hotch. Cherishing a soft moment while he sleeps to press a kiss to his temple and wake him, gently like she’s sorry. They exchange soft words, Hotch’s too slurred for him to make out but Emily’s clear and kind. She’s walking him through the last few days, reminding him until he can nod and fill in the pieces himself.

He turns away when he sees Emily preparing to get him up and he realizes that he really isn’t strong enough for this. She was right and he can’t imagine… he doesn’t want to even think about Hotch right now.

Curiosity killed the cat and now he's dragging his sore ass back to his room. Left to sit on the image of the man who's always protected, the man who never leaves slumped and hurting because he can't stomach it. He's too weak.

Spencer's always too weak.

What does that say about him? That he can't think of a single time Hotch left him alone in the hospital, no matter his condition, but when Hotch needs him...

#criminal minds #spencer reid #aaron hotchner

[queenbirbs]

waiting for rain | Ethan x MC

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x MC

Warnings: language

Word count: 2,786

Summary: After the funeral, Sloane catches a ride. Post chapter 11. 

------

It’s a beautiful day. 

The last week has been nothing but blue skies and balmy temperatures, with autumn peeking its head around the corner. The city is lovely anytime of year, but Boston thrives in the fall. The Common and adjacent gardens come alive in a spray of colors as the leaves change, the canopy dipped in orange and yellow and red. 

It feels wrong, then, that the day is so nice and bright as they trudge along the rows of graves and back towards Bryce’s car. Glancing over her shoulder, Sloane frowns at the swath of black as Danny’s family gathers around the grave to watch the interment. Their labored breathing and soft cries carry over the open lawn and down to the road. 

“What a shitty fucking day.” Jackie kicks at a pile of loose gravel along the pavement with her heel.

“At least the rain held off,” Sienna pipes up from where she’s slumped against the car. Clenched in her shaking hand is a gladiolus that Danny’s sister gave her from the casket spray. Noticing Sloane’s attention on the flower, Sienna traces a finger along the white petals with a wobbly smile. “I’m going to press it in my copy of The Secret of Ninradell.”    

“Nerd,” Jackie mutters, coaxing a tremulous chuckle from Sienna. 

Beside them, the doors unlock with a droning whir. The three of them pile into the back; Elijah and Bryce’s voices drift down as they approach. 

“You know, all those parking tickets you keep getting are starting to make a lot more sense now.”

“These hands are for performing surgical miracles, not parallel parking on an incline.”

“A kid with a learner’s permit could parallel park this, dude. Your car is the Chevrolet equivalent of a sardine can.”

“We’re well aware of that,” Jackie chimes in from the center seat. “So can you two hurry it up?” 

As Bryce helps Elijah into the passenger seat, Sloane catches sight of Ethan’s car tucked in along the other side of the access road. She caught a brief glance of him at the graveside service, but he disappeared into the crowd of mourners soon after her impromptu eulogy. The sun’s reflection on his windshield prevents her from seeing if he’s even inside. But then, a few cars down, Harper gives a little goodbye wave towards his car as she and Aurora reach her own vehicle. 

Sloane throws open the door. Jackie frowns and reaches out for her as she slides out. 

“Hey, what are you--”

“I’m going to catch a ride with Dr. Ramsey.” At the wave of worried expressions she receives, Sloane sighs. “I’m okay. I promise. You guys shouldn’t… I’ll see you at home.” 

With that pithy attempt at reassurance, she shuts the door and crosses over to the S-Class. The driver’s side window rolls down before she reaches it, revealing Ethan in his customary black suit. His striking blue eyes are tinged red -- a sight Sloane has become accustomed to over the last week when catching herself in the bathroom mirror. 

“Hi,” she says.

“Hello,” he returns. He glances down her figure, as if cataloging something, and then back up to meet her eyes. “Come on, then.”

“Thanks.” 

She crosses to the passenger side and settles into the seat, avoiding his curious gaze by feigning a struggle with the seatbelt. Thankfully, he drops whatever question is plaguing him and starts the engine. Within a few minutes, they’re cruising south down the highway. The classical station finishes its latest piece and the suave-voiced host segways into a round of commercials. When the local news spot starts, both of them reach for the volume button, their fingers bumping clumsily. Ethan reaches it first and turns off the radio, then reaches down to capture Sloane’s hand with his. He links their fingers and squeezes, once, then again, before resting their clasped hands against the leather armrest. His thumb makes easy, gentle strokes along her skin. 

Sloane eases back into her seat. The dull roar of the road isn’t enough to fill the aching silence inside her head. It makes her think of being back in that tented room, all alone, waiting to die. 

“The service was lovely, as was your eulogy.” 

“Sienna should’ve gotten to speak. She -- those were her words, all she could bear to write, but she asked… well, begged me at the last minute to say them for her.” 

“That was kind of you to do.”

Her eyes clench tight at his praise. She focuses on the measured sweeps of his thumb, but all the bitterness in her chest keeps building and building until it bursts free. 

“It should’ve been raining. Why was it… why did it have to be so sunny today? It should’ve rained. He deserved that much, at least. He was one of the only staff on my side when Landry was trying to sabotage me. He didn’t need proof or need to hear my friends vouch for me. He just believed me, straight up. And he was so sweet, and so kind, and so funny and now he’s dead, and I know we took Lasagna’s oath to not play God, but if I could, I would bring back Travis just to kill him for all the hurt he caused, and I know that goes against every--”

“Hey.” Ethan glances up from the road and over to meet her watery gaze. “It’s all right. You’re allowed to feel angry, and hurt.”

“I know,” she says, but it still feels dirty, somehow, to agree. She survived, didn’t she? Why should she get the privilege to fall apart at the seams when two people are dead and buried six feet under? 

She keeps quiet for the rest of the drive. Unfortunately, it’s a rather short one, what with the cemetery being only twenty minutes north of the city. All too soon, they’re crossing the Tobin Bridge. The city skyline crowds the horizon, stacks of gray and glass forking up into the cloudless sky. Ethan takes the wide curve of an exit that crosses the Charles River and into the tunnel, down below the blue blood streets of Boston. As he prepares to merge over to take them towards her apartment, she squeezes his hand to grab his attention. 

“Can I…?” she trails off, regretting how weak the request sounds. She bites back a relieved sigh when he pulls his focus away from the side mirror and over to her. 

“Of course.” 

They make their way through the ever-present downtown congestion before he turns down a side street and into his building’s garage. Neither speak as they exit the car. His hand finds hers once more as they step into the elevator. Jenner greets them at the door with her favorite stuffed duck, insisting on meeting her quota of belly rubs before allowing them entrance. 

“Would you like a drink?” Ethan asks as he steps over the sprawled form of his dog with practiced ease. 

“Yes, please.” 

After a few more pats, Sloane wanders over into the kitchen. Ethan’s suit jacket lays slung across the island, a more telling sign of his mental state than anything visible on his face. His tie joins the pile as he pours them both several fingers of scotch. She takes the tumbler and knocks it back, ignoring the fierce burn at the back of her throat; she hands it back for a refill. 

“Fine,” he sighs, “but this isn’t a jello shot at some tiki bar in Panama City Beach.”

“I wouldn’t know, seeing as I spent my spring breaks waiting tables,” she mutters against the rim of her glass, taking a small sip at his behest. 

“I hated every second of it, if it’s any consolation.”

The murmured confession draws her up short.

“Wait -- you were a PCB spring-breaker? You? The man who can’t name a single artist on the top forty hits? The person whose idea of a good time is reading the green journal and annotating the margins with all the mistakes?”  

“I don’t see how knowledge of Harry Mars’s discography would increase my enjoyment in life.”

Sloane’s face breaks into a grin at the name faux pas, prompting a scowl from him. “What? You said it yourself that I don’t know--”

“No, no, ignore me. Go on.” She rests her hip against the counter. “Please tell me about how you wound up in Florida for spring break.”

“It was Tobias’s idea, actually. He told me we were going to a medical conference in Atlanta. It wasn’t until we passed through Atlanta and he showed no sign of stopping that he told me where we were actually going. By that point, it was far too late to request he turn around. I was, in effect, doomed.”

“Doomed to spend a week at the beach. Poor you.” Rolling her eyes, she knocks her elbow into his side. “Did you at least have some fun?”

“I did. Well, after I went into a store and bought some more... appropriate clothing. Everything in my bag was pressed khakis and polos.” 

Her mind immediately conjures up a younger Ethan, wearing board shorts and flip flops in whatever searing color the local beach shop sold. 

“There has to be pictures, right? I’ve met Tobias, he’s too much of a snake not to have snapped a photo or two.” 

“I’m sure he does,” Ethan agrees. “For blackmail purposes, of course.” 

“And here I was hoping that our time in Miami was your most memorable trip to the Sunshine State.”

“It was.” The weak little smirk she wears disappears, folding under the intense scrutiny of his gaze as it rakes across her. “Why did you ride back with me?” he asks. 

“Because Bryce’s car is ‘the Chevrolet equivalent to a sardine can,’ according to Elijah.” 

He doesn’t acknowledge her lame attempt at brushing aside the question. When the silence grows too long between them, Sloane drags in a shaky breath and caves. “Because being around them, having them dote on me and worry about me, it’s… suffocating. And not because I don’t love them, or appreciate them, but I don’t… I don’t see the point. They should be able to grieve without me burdening them.”

“Sloane.” The way he says her name with all the care in the world drives that guilt deeper. She wants to shrug away his hold on her as he wraps his arms around her shoulders, but she doesn’t. She sinks into his embrace, breathing in the scent of his cologne, feeling the thud of his heart against her cheek. “You are not a burden.”

“Hearing that and knowing that are two different things,” she points out. 

“Then I’ll repeat it a thousand more times until you get it through your thick head.” 

“I don’t know what to do. I’m sad, and hurt, and angry about Danny. He didn’t deserve what happened to him, and neither did Bobby. And Rafael, he almost died, and-- and I almost died. And I’m sad, and hurt, and angry about that. But what gives me the right to feel that way, when I got to live, and they didn’t? Danny, he… he begged Travis to let us go, and all I did was stand there. I fucking stood there and let him kill my friend.”

She doesn’t notice the tears on her face, not until Ethan catches them and wipes them away. “And even after you came in, even after I was wheeled out and got to see Kyra, even after I was discharged, there’s been this crushing weight on my chest. I even wrote goodbye letters on my phone, but I can’t bring myself to delete them. Because what if we’re wrong? It’s like… like what if my body suddenly rejects the antidote and I’m back in that bubble? Like I’m going to wake up and be back in that room, as if this is all a last-ditch effort my brain has conjured up to help me cope with dying.”

Ethan makes a pained noise in the back of his throat. Gathering her impossibly closer, he presses his lips to her hair. 

“This is real. You’re okay. You’re safe, Sloane. This is real.”

“But I don’t want it to be. I want it to all be some sick dream. They wouldn’t’ve even been there if it weren’t for me. If I hadn’t stolen the senator from Mass Kenmore, Danny and Bobby would still be alive. I just… I want to go back. I want to order them all out of that room before Travis ever gets his hand on that canister. If I could trade places with them, we wouldn’t be burying our friends.”

“You’re wrong,” he tells her. “If you were the only one in that room, we’d be burying you. And after coming close to such a thing, it isn’t a reality I’m ever willing to face.” 

Sloane shakes her head as the tears come faster and faster, her body trembling against his. She feels as if she’s drowning, but her head’s above water. 

“The responsibility for what happened lies solely with Travis,” he tries to assure her. “He’s the one who pulled the trigger. He’s the one who was determined to get his revenge, no matter who got caught in the crossfire. He admitted as much to me in his last moments without an ounce of regret.”

“Ethan, I…” her throat closes around the rest of her plea, but somehow, he hears the words. 

His arms loop around her waist, holding her up as her knees buckle under the sudden weight of her grief. His words become nothing more than soft murmurings as he picks her up and carries her off down the hall. 

In his bedroom, he sets her down on the bed. Kneeling before her, he picks up one foot and then the next, unbuckling the strappy heels she wears. Sloane leans forward and strokes against the grain of his stubble; she drags in a steadying breath when he leans into her touch. She reaches down for the hem of her dress, but he beats her to it. Raising her arms instead, she lets him slide the dark fabric over her head. He adds his own clothing to the floor, then joins her in his bed, his naked skin warm against hers. 

Under the covers, Ethan tucks her there against his chest. Her eyes flutter closed at the sensation of his fingers tracing along her bare skin. It reminds her of that last morning they shared together, after the trial. The heartache now is different, vicious in that way only death can be. Sloane burrows closer, wishing she could bottle this feeling of safety and drink from it on the darker days ahead. 

“Yours was the longest,” she admits, her voice sounding small in the quiet room.

“Hmm?” he murmurs. 

“Your letter.” 

The line of him stiffens, his hand stilling its movement. 

“Hand me your phone.”

She rolls over and digs through the pile of their clothing, retrieving her phone from the pocket of her dress and handing it off to him. He holds it between them so she can watch as he navigates to her notepad app. The letters are all there, just as she said, in alphabetical order. She doesn’t miss how his thumb hovers above Naveen’s. 

“I asked him to look after you,” she explains, biting her lip against the rush of emotion at knowing the words hidden beneath the names. 

“When did you write these?”

Ethan’s eyes move from the screen and over to hers, tears collecting in the cradle of his lower lid. Her gaze never waves from his as she answers. 

“After you took Raf away. It… became real, after that. Not that it wasn’t real before, with Danny, but to see him fall into a coma right next to me was a wake-up call. I didn’t want that to happen to me. Not without being able to say goodbye to the people I loved.”   

Leaning across, he kisses her temple, and then her cheek, and then her lips. Then, with a few, quick taps, he deletes the letters and returns her phone. 

“Thank you,” he whispers. At her raised brow, he doubles down. “Not for-- that was for you. I’m saying thank you because you listened to me.” 

She snuggles close once more when he curls his arm around her and flashes him a curious smile. 

“Go on.”

“You didn’t give up,” he tells her, his voice gone thick with emotion. 

Between the sheets, her hand finds his.

“You didn’t give up, either,” she reminds him.

“On you?” he hums, pulling their linked hands towards himself to press a kiss to her fingers. “Never.”

------

Author notes and what-have-yous:

So, I learned that only eleven percent of medical schools still recite the Hippocratic oath verbatim, and about thirty-three percent use Lasagna’s modern oath (which is why I included it instead).This is coming from a few articles I read, all seemingly based in the U.S., so it may not pertain to every school. 

The ‘blue blood streets of Boston’ is pulled directly from a Bob Seger song, though there is a historical connotation behind it. 

The green journal is another name for the American Journal of Medicine. 

#open heart fic #ethan x mc #ethan ramsey #ethan ramsey x mc #open heart #Kaila writes things #f: waiting for rain

[misfit-among-the-angels]

Adventures in Prague

Word count:6105 Genre: Smut, but with like plot and romantic stuff. Pairing: Tobias Sammet x Reader Warnings: Smut Summary: Reader is a photographer for Avantasia and also Tobi's gf and the band has a concert and then a day off in Prague. And there are some adventures and fun stuff to be had.

You also can find this on Archive of our own.

A/N:I think that this fanfic is like my come back to writing fanfics lol. It took me like 3 months to write it and it's really different from the other ones I've written. This one was proofread by my friend ♥♥ P.S. I've never played Fifa so if it's incorrect I'm so sorry.

Another night, another concert. Usually it’s like that, but not this time. This time we’re anticipating an off day in the beautiful city of Prague. Just one more concert night.

I don’t dare whine even a tad bit to Tobi because I know that his job is harder and is more tiring than mine, but I can’t help showing how excited I am that we’ll have an off day exactly in this city.

My camera’s battery is fully charged and ready, lenses that I’ll need are unpacked, and I am ready for another three and a half hours of work. Tonight, Tobi seems to be in an extra good mood, probably because he loves performing in Czech Republic so much. I know that my job is to capture the best moments of the concert, but I can’t help smiling when Tobi or one of the other guys tells a joke. I mainly stay by the stage, but a few times I go to the backstage to rest a bit or to capture some moments from a different perspective. I don’t forget the fans either. I know, I’m mainly a band photographer, but capturing emotions of the fans is a good thing as well. Tobi seems to have upped his posing game for this show, or maybe it’s just me. I haven’t had more intimate moments with him for a while. Kissing or hugging doesn’t count. But enough whining. Every time Tobi spots me or comes to one side of the stage where I am and starts his silly poses, I can’t help but feel a bit hot. I smile as I take pictures. A few times he lets his tongue out for a picture, and I hear some fans screaming louder. Yes, fans do love that. Of course, I also take pictures of the other Avantasia guys. They pose less, but that’s okay for me. It makes my job more interesting.

Finally, the show is almost over. I go up on stage and take pictures of the band and the fans. Then my job for today is over, and I can go back to the hotel. Sometimes I hang around the backstage to take more pictures, but today I am done. All I want is a hot shower and bed. And Tobi of course, ehehe. I get to the hotel first. It’s a public secret between the band that I am with Tobi, so of course we share a room. I take all my clothes off except for my underwear, then turn on my laptop and let all my pictures be transferred to it. Then I jump in the shower.

Later, Tobi comes in and finds me all comfortable in bed with my laptop, quickly editing pictures. We smile at each other. I can see that he is tired. He surely gave his all tonight, and I’m not surprised that he goes for the shower straight away. After a good thirty minutes he comes out and flops beside me on the bed. I look at him and suddenly I get this strong craving. I think I know where it came from. I also know that he won't fall asleep right away, no matter how tired he is. Adrenaline from the show hasn't worn off just yet. So I put down my laptop and get closer to him. He finally opens his eyes and looks at me. “Want cuddles?”

“Always.” I giggle a bit. “But first, let me take care of you. Let me do something that will make you feel good.”

I see him wanting to protest and quickly put my finger on his lips. “I know, it's not what you think it is, and like I said, please, let me take care of you. You won't need to do anything. Just lie here, relax, and enjoy.”

He knows me, and he knows my sex drive, which can be high, and, sadly, when he is touring he is usually too tired to have some intimate time, even if we are in a hotel. Of course, his sex drive acts up too, but he can ignore it. I, on the other hand, really struggle with that, and sometimes I have to take care of it myself if I'm not fast asleep. It's kinda frustrating, but tour life is tour life - he warned me about this. Probably that's why the other guys leave their significant others at home. Of course, Tobi could have decided to choose someone else as a band photographer, but I guess his emotions got the better of him, and he chose me. And I was glad to be included into this happy family on the road. I don’t wait for his response, but I know that even though he is tired, he is also curious about what I'll do. I straddle him and start kissing his face. Nose, cheeks, forehead, and finally his lips. He giggles and smiles at the kisses. I let myself kiss him for some time. I always love kissing him, and lucky for me he loves kissing just as much. I break the kiss, then kiss down his jaw to his neck. I give his neck so many kisses until I am down to his shoulders. Then I move to his chest and keep slowly moving downwards. He sighs and makes some quiet noises. I feel his relaxed heartbeat and smile against his skin. I feel myself getting aroused even though I didn't do anything yet. I smell the shower gel, but also his natural scent comes through it, and it makes my head spin. So I have to remind myself that it's all about him. I move down to his stomach and feel his stomach muscles flex at my kisses. He has a towel around his hips, and I take it away and continue to kiss his body even lower. I kiss his thighs, then stop and just run my hands down his body. I look up, and from his face I can see that he is relaxed and content. I briefly wonder what he is thinking about. Probably me. I slightly smirk. I was soft, but now the urge to make him moan and come is taking over. I’m not taking my eyes off his face as I lightly run my fingers up and down his cock. I know he wasn’t expecting this, and his surprise is clear on his face. Without any pressure, I rub his tip with my thumb a bit. He makes a sound. I stroke him more, but after a few minutes I can’t help myself and lean down, taking his tip into my mouth and just sucking on it as my hand slowly strokes him.

“Oh, yesss!” he moans lightly and smiles. I keep my eyes on him, and his sexy reaction makes me smile internally as well. I swirl my tongue all around and listen to his sounds. This is one of the most effective ways to make him hard pretty quickly. And it seems it’s working magic. That’s the advantage I can take because I know that he hasn’t been sexually active for a few weeks. So he’ll be desperate to come, and oh, if it would be a different situation, I’d tease him long and hard. But now, I got him almost all hard already. His hips twitch a bit and I know it’s time for something he always loves so much. I take my hand away and slowly take him all in and as deep as I can.

“Ohhh, fuckkk..,” he moans louder and I feel goosebumps appearing on my skin. He looks so sexy like this – mouth a bit open, his head leaning back on the pillow. I moan too. When I’m sure I have him all the way I stop a bit, letting myself drool a bit too. I feel one of his hands tangling in my hair. Oh, this is perfect! I slowly move my head back up, creating this slow rhythm. Now he moans more often, though not as loud. I think he keeps in mind that we are in a hotel and the walls are thin. I close my eyes, not noticing him actually opening his eyes and looking at me. I hear him murmur something in German, probably some endearments or so. I smile internally at that. I moan a couple of times too, both to create some nice vibrations for him and, of course, because I enjoy this just as much as he is.

After some time, I move my head faster and now he tugs my hair more. I hollow my cheeks and hum a bit to give him the best experience and oh, that pays off wonderfully. “Oh, you are such a good girl,” he praises me and caresses my hair. I really can't help but moan. He knows how much I like being called that. I feel his hand that’s in my hair shiver a bit, and I can tell that he won't last long. I slow down again and every time I move my head up, I run my tongue over his tip and then slowly take him deep. I open my eyes to look at him, and he is biting his arm to not be so loud. But I can still hear noises and moans, and I wish I could hear them all normally. But of course we don't want any weird looks or complaints. One of these times when I take him deep, I feel his hand pushing down on me, then I hear him moan wordlessly and feel him coming down my throat. I swallow it all. After a few seconds, I feel his body and hand relax, and I slowly take him out. I look at him. He is breathing hard and has a happy smile on his face.

“That was amazing,” he says, sounding sleepy.

I smile. “I told ya. I just wanted to take care of you, and I'm glad you enjoyed it so much”. I kinda wonder if I should bring up that I'm hella aroused now. But seeing him so sleepy looking, I just can't bring that up. He needs to rest, and I can always get off on my own or just wait for tomorrow. I crawl up to him, give him a little peck on his lips, and get both of us under the covers. We cuddle up, and unsurprisingly Tobi falls asleep after about five minutes. I feel his relaxed body close to me and his arms around me, and I smile. The ache between my legs is almost unbearable, but soon I feel tired too. I force myself to calm down, and soon I follow him into the dream realm.

It's an off day, and we are definitely catching up on sleep, but just a bit. I had an alarm set from yesterday and it goes off at 10am. I wake up immediately to turn it off and yawn. I hear sleepy noises from Tobi and smile. I hate mornings, and even though we had a really nice and long sleep, I could still use some more hours of sleep. “Morning, lovebird.” I hear his sleepy voice in my ear and giggle. Then I turn around to see his totally cute face.

“Morrrrrrrning,” I intentionally roll my r's and giggle more. He hugs me close to him and kisses me. Looks like someone's in a good and loving mood. I wonder why… I kiss him back and run my hands on him. This really wakes me up and my body as well. Oh, how I wish I could have some intimacy now, but that impossible. In thirty minutes we’ll have breakfast, and then who knows what we'll think of. I feel his hand playing with my hair, and I smile between kisses. After we satisfy our kiss needs, I just smush my face into his chest and hug him more. He giggles and starts drawing patterns on my back with his fingers. I feel goosebumps on my skin and shiver a bit. By now he knows me and my body so well that he can tell what I crave and want. After a few minutes though he pokes my side which makes me twitch a bit.

“I know what you want, but we have breakfast to attend to, and we don’t wanna be late”.

I look up at him and pout, but he gives me a kiss on my cheek as a silent apology. I sigh and disentangle from him. As he is getting up, I can’t help myself and give his ass a slap. He giggles and shows me his tongue. I giggle too. We are happy because we love each other and because we can be silly. I stretch and then get up too.

On band off days I usually get an off day too. Sometimes I go and take some pictures of the other guys, and sometimes I just go explore by myself if Tobi feels too tired or wants to hang out with others. This time though I’m spending it with Tobi. After breakfast, we decide to have a walk. I promised to take him to a few cool places, and I also agreed that we won’t take too long because he wants to rest at the hotel and play some video games. I am more than okay with this because I love video games as well.

Of course, I’m bringing my camera with us. It’s such a good opportunity to take some pictures of the city. And of Tobi, too.

It’s a nice and warm spring day, and we find ourselves in the city centre.

“Can we keep away from the main streets and go somewhere with fewer people? I don’t really want to meet any fans, you know”.

“Oh, sure,” I smile to him. “I know this little nice pub that we have to visit, and then I want to take you to another really cool place”. I take my phone out to see where we actually are and how we can get to where I want us to be. We walk away from the centre, and Tobi seems happy and looks around when we turn onto a small unknown street. I point out interesting houses or pretty architecture. A few times we stop because I see something cool and want to take a picture, and then we stop some more because Tobi wants me to photograph him near this house or that one. It’s nice like this. A few times he insists on taking a selfie or two with me. We don’t really talk too much, but that’s okay because I'm taking in the vibe of the city. As for him, I think his coffee still hasn’t kicked in. I look at him and can't help but smile. My heart is full of joy and love and happiness. So I "secretly" take some pictures of him when he isn't looking my way. I want to freeze this moment so I can always look at these pictures and remember how I was feeling, and of course to show him how lovely he looks when he isn't posing for the picture.

My knowledge of the city and the ability to orient myself in it finally lets us arrive at the cute little pub. I stop and wait until he comes to me and says “well then, show me around. You know this place better than I do”.

I smile and lead him into the pub. Inside there isn't much room to sit. We greet the bartender, and then I lead Tobi out to this nice backyard where there are more tables to sit at. We choose one that's closest to us and sit down. “This place is also a hotel. I've stayed here once. It's a nice, quiet place”.

Tobi looks around. I see him opening his mouth to say something, but then the waitress comes to us and gives us a menu. We both love Czech beer, so we choose the same one, and as a snack we get ourselves some nachos. As we wait for our food and beer, we both get on our phones, not because we don't enjoy each other's company, but because it's the first time today we both get to check on things. Soon our beer arrives followed by the nachos, and we dig in.

“You know, after this tour is over, we need to come back here for vacation,” I’m taking the last pieces of nachos. “I understand that you might want to be at home and get some rest, but I’m sure a week spent here won’t hurt”.

Tobi takes a few sips of his beer. “I guess you are right. I like it here. I like the atmosphere and the feeling this city has”. I smile when he talks and drink my beer.

We talk more about things that we’re gonna do after the tour ends. I’ve been planning to move to live with him, so we talk about that as well. Talking about all things except our jobs is good.

We finish our beers and pay for everything. “Now where to? Our hotel?” Tobi asks.

“Nah, I wanna show you this amazing church and the park outside of it, and I just want to spend some time there with you.”

“Church you say, huh? Is this a hint about you wanting to marry me?” he grins.

I can’t help but giggle. “Well, maybe it is” — I show him my tongue — “but you know, you have to propose to me first.” As an answer he just wiggles his eyebrows. Being silly like this is the best.

After a good half hour we reach one of many bridges. As we are crossing it, I point to my right. “See, that’s the church I was talking about. It looks badass.”

He looks that way, and I can tell he likes what he sees. “It looks a bit sinister, but I like it!”

I smile and sneak my over hand to his and take it. At first, I can tell he is hesitant, but then he takes my hand too and oh, I’m sooo happy. He loves holding hands, but usually does it when we are in private or somewhere without many people, and on tour it’s just a no-no. But it seems he gave in this time, maybe because nobody is really paying attention to us. I love holding hands and this thing of his kinda makes me sad, but I understand him.

We cross the bridge and choose to walk on the quay. So peaceful, so nice. A few times I have to take my hand away because I want to take some pictures of the Vltava river. A few other times I ask him to sit down and take some great shots of him. Once I sit beside him, and after I take the pictures, I just can’t help myself and kiss him. He’s surprised but pleased. I don’t know why, but after that kiss I giggle and blush and feel more in love with him than ever.

Finally, we reach the hill and the church on top of it. I speak. “Ready? It’s not gonna be so hard because it’s not so hot”.

He gives me a nod, and we start climbing up. It’s a nice place, some sort of park, and as we’re going up the noises of the city slowly go away. We see some park benches, and I take a mental note to sit here when we’re going back.

We are at the top, looking at this beautiful church. I kinda wanna go inside as I’ve never been inside it, but then we hear some sounds from the inside and decide to just look around. I take some pictures and then point to the cemetery next to the church. “This cemetery is really pretty. C’mon, let’s look around”.

But Tobi shakes his head and says “maybe next time. If we can’t go inside that church, then let’s go back”. I pout a little but say nothing and follow him downhill. As we are halfway, I spot a bench and run to it and sit. “Come here! It’s a nice place to chill!”

I really picked a good spot because the city panorama is before our eyes as we sit. I place my head on his shoulder and say nothing, just enjoying this little moment. Tobi looks at me and smiles. We both look at the beautiful city before our eyes for some time, and then I take one of his hands and start playing with his fingers. Eventually he leans his head on mine.

“You know, I’m so glad to have you in my life, and I know I say this a lot to you, but really, you mean so much to me, and I can honestly imagine being with you for all of eternity…” I’m almost whispering, but I know he hears me perfectly. “I know that sometimes you struggle with voicing out your feelings, but you make me happy, and you always make me find more reasons to be in love with you even more. Even if it’s your stupid jokes or random noises or anything else.”

I pause for a bit because, damn, I’m feeling a bit emotional, but I know that he is smiling and he is listening, so I sigh and continue, “I know that maybe it’s a bit too early to talk about marriage, but let me just tell you that when we’ll be ready for that I’ll gladly say yes to you.” This is actually important because he knows that I don’t really like marriage, but if I’m saying this it means that he and me together is a big thing. He moves, and now we are looking at each other. I can see in his eyes that he is looking for the right words to voice out things he wants to say, but his eyes also tell me a lot.

He takes my hands in his. “I’m so happy to be reassured that this, us, is serious, and I’m also happy that somehow I changed your views on marriage. You make me happy, and I love you with my whole heart.” Then he leans in, and we kiss. And we kiss for a long time until we are both out of breath, and still our lips search out the way to kiss each other again. Moments like these are always my favourite. It doesn’t need words. We both feel the same, and we make it feel either through kissing or when we make love. It’s something I only discovered when I met him. Magical stuff. We kiss again, but it’s a shorter kiss this time. As we break away, we giggle as we both feel the same. We go back to the hotel holding hands all the way. I think this was the first time Tobi didn’t care if anyone might see.

Back in our hotel room, I change into more comfortable clothes while Tobi sets up the game. Of course it’s Fifa, his favourite game. I sit on the bed near him and take my controller.

He picks the team first and of course he picks Bayern. I poke him. “Hey, ladies first, you know.”

He looks at me with a grin. “Oops, I forgot that. But hey, it’s your turn now.”

I show him my tongue and pick Manchester United. I’m not as good at this game as he is, but I’ve beaten him a few times before, and now I’ll do the same.

“I’m tempted to let you win this time and you know why.”

“That would be soooo boring, but I’m sure I’ll beat you anyway.” I put on a confident look on my face. Tobi giggles, and the game starts, and his focus and mine are on it.

I’m not particularly competitive at the moment, but Tobi seems to be really into it even though it’s not even five minutes past when we started. He swears in German when the character he is playing fails to get the ball, and I can’t help but giggle. My focus shifts onto him, and I just admire how cute he looks when he is so into the game. I’m not even noticing that I’m basically just looking at him, so when he suddenly shouts “YES!” I jump a bit and look at the screen. He got the first goal.

Tobi looks at me. “Why didn’t you try to stop me? You could’ve tried at least.”

“Sorry, I got distracted a bit.”

“Distracted? By what? OH!” he looks at me again but with a grin now. “You got distracted by me, didn’t you?”

I roll my eyes a bit and blush but don’t say anything. The game progresses, and I get my first goal too. Bit by bit, my focus on the game is back. Soon I’m into the game just like Tobi is.

Three minutes left of this match, and we are both shouting at our characters, aaaaand “YESSSS!” I shout as my team gets another goal and wins the match.

I put down the controller and poke him. “Told ya that I’ll win.”

Tobi pouts for a second, but then he puts his controller down as well and launches at me and tackles me down on the bed. I wasn’t ready for this, so I only made a surprised sound as I found myself being down on the bed with him on top of me. He giggles and grins. “I might not be able to win that game this time, but I know another game which I’ll definitely win!”

I have no time to think what he has in mind because he starts to tickle me, going right for my weakest place, which is my sides. I laugh and squirm and wiggle. Trying my best to get out of it but failing. I grab one of his hands and try to take it away, but he is of course stronger than me. He takes my hand instead and pins it to the bed. I whine and squirm more. We look at each other as we know that we both have one free arm. I’m quicker and pull him into a kiss. Tobi is surprised maybe for a second, but then he relaxes and releases my hand as he kisses me back. I hug him immediately. This kiss is different from the last one though. This one is more passionate and communicates my need without me having to use words. But it seems he isn’t getting the hint because his hands just go to my hair. Usually when he understands what I want, he does something, like his hands starting to wander. I break the kiss, and I roll us to the side so now I’m on top of him. I know I wouldn’t be able to do this in any other situation, but now he is all relaxed and so easy to move. He looks at me with surprise and opens his mouth to say something, but I lean down and kiss him again. He immediately hugs me and just lets me do what I want. Soon, I break this kiss to kiss down his jaw and his neck. I ABSOLUTELY love giving his neck attention, and he loves it just as much. I kiss his neck all slowly and hear him sigh and make quiet noises. I smile against him. But how can I leave his neck without some marks? His neck looks wonderful with my marks. So I bite his neck in a few places, making sure to make pretty marks. He moans at the biting. His moans are such a big turn on that I can’t help but whine as I feel myself getting more and more aroused.

“I need you so much right now, my love,” I manage to say between all my whining and biting.

His response is his hands, moving them to the hem of my shirt. I get what he wants to do, so I straighten up and let him take it. My bra goes next. Then both his hands go to my breasts, massaging them and pinching the nipples. My whole body shivers and I can’t help but make noises. I try to grind but realize that we both still have our pants on, and I whine. He gets why I’m whining and fiddles with my pants’ buttons, and then his hands are back on my breasts. I smile at him and run my hands under his shirt, slightly scratching him when he pinches my nipples. But he gets the hint, and soon his hands leave my body to take off his shirt. I roll off of him and wrestle off my pants but leave my panties on. Then it’s time for his pants to go, and I help him with that. Finally, I straddle him once again. I am so turned on that I can’t help but shiver. I start grinding on him, and we both moan at the same time. I lean over to kiss him as I move my hands to his hair. I feel his hands moving to my ass and squeezing it and pushing it down on him. We go on like this for a bit, exchanging kisses and little moans and breaths.

“Fuck, I really need you inside me,” I whisper against his lips. I feel him shiver at my words.

“Yes, yes! I want it too.” His voice changes when he is aroused. It gets sexier. I smile and straighten up and move a bit lower and slide his underwear lower too. He takes his cock and holds it for me. I pull my panties to the side and sink down on him. We both moan loudly at this. We both needed it so much. When he is all the way in, I keep still for a minute enjoying how perfect he feels. He is doing the same.

“You are so beautiful, so hot when you are like this,” I hear Tobi say and then feel his hands on my hips, moving to my belly and then back up until he cups my breasts again. I smile so big. I’d blush, but my cheeks are already red.

I finally open my eyes and look at him with a smile. “You look hot and pretty like this too.” I find his hands and hold them as I start to move up and down. His hips thrust too, helping me. I look him in the eyes as we both create this slow pace. I moan a few times feeling how I’m falling into this realm where only this pleasure and the look in his eyes exist. He makes noises and moans too, and they are oh so delicious. Eventually we let go of each other’s hands, and mine rests on his chest, both as support and because I like feeling his skin and heartbeat. He moves his hands all over me, not really resting them anywhere for too long, and I love that. I move a tad bit faster and my head falls back a bit as I breathe out a moan.

“I wanna make you come so bad!” he says as one of his hands is already moving downwards.

“Oh, yes! Please…” I look at him, but then moan when his fingers touch my clit and start to slowly rub it. I close my eyes again. I’m noisier now, and with his fingers rubbing at me I can feel it coming faster.

“Oh, Tobi…” That’s all I manage as I feel it coming. He still keeps rubbing slowly, and I’m moving at the same pace too. The orgasm starts washing over me, and I arch my back and don’t hold back any moans or noises that escape my mouth. I stop moving too and just shiver. I slowly start to relax, and my hips twitch, and he finally stops rubbing me. I make quieter noises now and slowly open my eyes. I’m realizing that my nails dig a bit into his chest, so he’ll have some nail marks too. Finally, my eyes make the way up to his face, and I’m greeted with a smile.

“You were so beautiful. And so hot that you almost made me come too!” Our eyes meet, and we both know that this isn’t the end.

I smile and lean down and kiss him. The kiss communicates all the words I wanted to say. After a bit, he slowly moves his hips in small thrusts. I’m still sensitive and break the kiss to moan lightly, and I just rest my forehead on his. I feel his hands going up and down my back and sometimes squeezing my ass. He moans a lot more now, and I feel that he wants to go faster, but he is being gentle for me.

“I love you so much, Tobi,” I whisper and caress his hair.

He smiles big, and I feel his hands going around me in a hug. “Love you so much too. You feel so perfect. I missed this feeling…”

I kiss his lips briefly again and then settle for his neck. His hips snap faster and harder now, making me bite him and making him moan more.

“I am ready when you are ready”, I whisper in his ear and also buck my hips to match his thrusts. That makes him throw his head back more on the pillows.

“I’m close, my love”, he manages to say between all his noises and breathing. I raise my head to his, then bring my hand down between our bodies and start rubbing my clit again. Soon we are both moaning out each other’s names. I feel him squeezing me tight and coming in me which just makes me shiver more. Everything starts to wind down, and we both go limp. My head is in the crook of his neck, and his hands are loose but still around me. I don’t even care that I still have an arm in between us, and it’s not really comfortable. We both breathe heavily, and when he shivers feeling the afterglow, I shiver too.

I don’t know how long we stayed like this, but both of our senses start to come back to us and we almost simultaneously start giggling.

Tobi tries to speak first in between giggles. “I wonder if we’ll get away with how loud we were…” I bring my other arm back and then finally raise my head.

“Ah, who cares about that. This was AMAZING, and that’s all that matters.” I give him a giggly kiss.

After some more time, we finally disentangle. I still refuse to leave the bed so Tobi gets up first. I'm all satisfied and happy and even more happy seeing him strut around all naked. Finally he gets back from the bathroom.

"How and when did you manage to mark me up like this? Now I'll have to wear my scarfs even more," he pouts playfully.

I giggle before I can respond. "I'm not gonna be sorry for this. Your neck looks even prettier with all the marks. And besides, you wear your scarfs almost always anyway."

He only shows me his tongue, but doesn't say anything more. He knows I'm right, and secretly he likes that now his scarfs will hide a little secret of ours.

I use the bathroom too. We get dressed up and go to dinner with the other Avantasia guys. No one really questions why Tobi wears his scarf and no one says anything about what happened earlier. Either they don't know, or they know but don't say anything.

After the dinner, I leave Tobi hanging out with the guys, and I go back to the room as I feel really tired. This is the last day in Prague, so I pack my luggage. Before I go to bed, I look through the window at the lights of the city and daydream a bit. Suddenly I feel very familiar arms going around me, and I smile. Tobi's here. He hugs me from behind, and we stand like this for some time.

Back in bed and just before I fall asleep, I think about all that happened, and my heart once again fills up with love and joy. Then I cuddle up with him even more and fall asleep. Tomorrow we'll go back to Germany. The tour continues, but we both will remember Prague for a bit longer this time.

#fanfiction #smut fanfiction #fanfic #Tobias Sammet #Avantasia #smut fanfic #smutty smut #Tobiuas Sammet fanfiction #mine

[imagineaworlds]

I Love You (Part Fifteen) -- Aaron Hotchner

Written By: @desperately-bisexual​

Request: None.

Warnings: Mentions of smut, mentions of Dom/sub relationship, cursing, murder, mentions of sexual assault, literally everything Criminal Minds, okie.

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Greenaway!Reader

Word Count: 8707

Timeline: Season 2 Episode 23. Day after part fourteen.

Hotch's arm tightened around my shoulders gingerly and lovingly. I leaned into his side, lifting my feet up onto the empty space on the couch to my left. Jack shifted around on the couch uncomfortably before giving up and asking if he could lay with me. I nodded and pressed my back against the couch to make more room for Jack to cuddle up in front of me. Jack crawled over and laid down with me, all three of us still facing the TV, trying to watch the movie Jack had picked out for the night. I lightly combed Jack’s hair with my fingers as he nuzzled against me.

Jack had been staying at our house for a couple of days since we returned from our case in Kansas City, and every night after dinner, he insisted that we would watch a movie together. The first night, it was fine because Jack had no homework, but the next night, Hotch had to use tough love to make him do his homework before we could wind down for a movie. The night after that, it was Friday, which meant that we had all the time in the world to do whatever Jack wanted. Naturally, when we picked him up from school, he wanted to go to the park. We headed home first to change because Hotch and I were still in work clothes, and Jack was covered in food from lunch and mud from recess. We walked to the park after that and played some soccer with him. Hotch was considerably bad at being goalie, even against a kid, but Jack had fun, and that was all that mattered— not to mention that Jack and I got to team up against Hotch, which was extremely fun for me.

Then, after that, when the sun was going down and it started to get cold, we headed back to the house and threw a frozen pizza in the oven. Jack picked out a couple of kid’s movies that he wanted to watch, and we spent the night doing that, eating pizza, and, of course, ice cream— to which Hotch was less than pleased about, if I were to be honest. I vouched for Jack, though, and promised that it wouldn’t rile him up and he would go straight to bed after the next movie. Hotch gave in after Jack and I teamed up against him again in order to gain his permission, though he didn’t exactly believe us. The good news was, Jack did indeed start to get tired about half way through the second movie, which was a relief.

It was nice that Jack trusted me to ask if he could lay down with me. All three of us were cuddled against each other with Hotch holding me, and Jack wrapped in my arms. I felt at total peace when Jack rested his head on my arm that was tucked under him. I wasn’t sure what more I could ask for in life now that I had him and Hotch. They were everything I needed, but I didn’t even know that I wanted this until Hotch came along. It all took me by surprise, but that was what made it so marvelous.

Hotch’s phone started ringing just as I was about to fall asleep in his arms. I groaned and sat up slightly so that Hotch could sneak out from under me. He pushed himself off the couch and hurried into the kitchen to answer the call without disturbing us further. Jack shifted around again like he was trying to trap me on the couch, as if he had to guess that the call was about work and he didn’t want me to go.

Just as Jack guessed, after a few minutes, Hotch leaned over the back of the couch and tapped my shoulder. I tilted my chin upwards to look at him. “We need to talk,” he whispered. I nodded to him.

“Alright, little man, let’s pause the movie real quick.” I slid my arm out from under Jack before we both sat up all the way. He rubbed his eyes out of exhaustion and yawned. I kissed the top of his head as I stood up, then followed Hotch into the kitchen. “Duty calls?” I inquired once we were alone.

Hotch shook his head. He rested his palms against the kitchen island and leaned forward. His phone was sitting right in front of him on the table, yet he didn’t touch it. “That was Strauss,” he admitted, gesturing to his phone with a short nod. I scrunched my brows together. “The team is going to be put under review starting Monday.”

“It’s too early for the annual department reviews,” I commented.

He nodded, “I know. They’re saying it’s a review, but it’s really an investigation because of everything that’s been going on recently.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Gideon’s been investigated in the past, your sister shot and killed a cleared suspect and that was put under investigation, Morgan was arrested earlier as a murder suspect, Spencer… Well… Spencer hasn’t been the same since Tobias Hankle took him, and you’re dating your superior months after you were just promoted to the team. It all makes me look irresponsible. It makes it look like I’m not doing my job.”

“But that’s not true— they’ll see that in the investigation.”

Hotch shook his head again, “Mine is the only file they didn’t pull.”

My heart sank. “What does that mean?”

He ran his fingers through his hair. “It means that they have already made their minds up about my performance.”

“It’s total bullshit, Aaron. They can’t do this.”

“They can, and they have. The only thing we can do now is cross our fingers that during their investigation of the rest of the team, they might change their minds.” When he paused to think, he looked at me and saw the worry that had washed over me. His shoulders relaxed and his face softened as he stepped towards me. He took my hands in his, “Listen… Just because they didn’t pull my file, doesn’t mean they’re going to fire me. Maybe they think that I’m the best unit chief out there—”

“Which you are.”

He snickered, “Right.” His face fell flat again as he wanted to go back to being serious and sincere. “This doesn’t mean that it’s the end. Okay? So, just...” he smiled lightly to raise the mood a bit, “just be you while they do what they need to do for the evaluations.”

I carefully pulled one of my hands from his and reached up to brush some of his hair that was in his face. “We’re going to be okay,” I reassured him. He nodded slightly. “You should call Gideon and tell him.” He nodded again. “I’ll stay with you,” I said after noticing how uneasy he was about all of this. Hotch loved his job so much, and we all needed him on the team. He was the glue that held us together. If we lost him, we wouldn’t make it much further. And if he lost us… I don’t think either of us wanted to think about it.

Hotch pressed his forehead to mine and let out a quiet breath that he had been holding in his chest for so long. His eyes fell shut and he just took a moment to ground himself as our hands stayed clasped together and I played with his hair to calm him down. His breath was hot on my lips, but he didn’t kiss me yet. We just held each other, and that was all he needed for a moment.

“We’re going to be okay, just like you said,” I told him after a few minutes of silence and I was sure that he had calmed down.

He tilted my head up with his free hand and he kissed me with so much passion that I felt butterflies fluttering around in my stomach. I swore then and there that I would never get tired of that feeling. I used to think that couples like us— the ones who were sickeningly sweet— were obnoxious, but I suddenly understood the appeal. Every time he looked at me, it felt like I was seeing for the first time. Every time he touched me, my whole body felt like it was on fire, and I always needed more of him. A single touch was never enough. Anything but having all of him made me feel like I couldn’t breathe or move. His touch, his hold, his kisses, they all made me feel alive. Every time he kissed me, those butterflies reappeared, and they always refused to go away until I could hear him say the one thing that made me feel at home: “I love you.”

Hotch parted from me so that we could catch our breath. He licked his lips before turning to grab his phone from the kitchen island. He dialed Gideon’s number and I sat up on the table, then he brought the phone to his ears as it rang and he moved to stand between my legs. I grabbed the zipper of his quarter zip sweater and started playing with it. Hotch smiled and held my hand with slight force as a warning to stop. I squinted and kept going.

“Hey, what did I do?” Hotch asked, offended, once Gideon picked up the phone. “Roses?” I raised a brow. “Are you on a date?” My jaw dropped. Jason Gideon on a date? Who would have known… “And you didn’t tell me?” He put his free hand on my upper thigh. “Who are they for?” He waited for Gideon’s response. “An old college friend?” He whispered to me that Gideon wanted to know what kind of message roses send. “Roses are romantic, Jason. Get her some roses.”

“You never get me roses,” I pouted, sliding my hands down.

“You never ask for roses,” he told me. “Yeah, sorry, they’re here with me,” he said to Gideon on the phone. He paused to listen before bringing the phone down between us and putting it on speaker. Gideon was talking in the background with a florist about what kind of flowers to get besides roses. I chuckled quietly and buried my face in Hotch’s chest. Gideon came back to the phone and asked Hotch why he was calling. Hotch’s hand moved towards my knee. “Strauss called to tell us that the BAU is going to be evaluated.”

Gideon scoffed, “So what? It’s an annual evaluation.” That was what I originally thought, too. “Who cares?” Also something I had thought about.

“It’s not routine because it’s six months early. There’s been talk about the Bureau redistributing funds and making cuts in all departments.”

“So they take the jet? They take one of Garcia’s computers? C’est la vie.”

Hotch shook his head. “I think it’s going to be worse than that, Jason. I think we’ll lose members of the team if this gets out of hand somehow…” I lifted my head from his chest and eyed him with a look that said: “Tell him the whole truth.” Hotch bit his tongue for a moment while squinting at me, but then he gave in, “They didn’t pull my file.”

“Hotch, you’re the best unit chief I know. Don’t stress over it.”

“Jason, I’m the only unit chief you know,” he said with a plain face. I chortled at Hotch’s comment, but immediately stopped when his hand started gliding back up my thigh. The conversation was winding down with Gideon, everyone that needed to be covered had been said, and Hotch was starting to get a little handsy, so he decided to wrap things up. “Jason?” Gidon hummed a tone on the other side. “Button mums are something you give your mother… Go get the roses. Have fun.” Hotch hung up the call and slid his phone onto the table. “Why are you always so distracting?” he asked me before slamming his lips against mine.

I smirked against his kiss, “I just wanted to cheer you up.”

He leaned down ever so slightly to kiss my neck. “Remind me to get you roses in the morning.” I slapped his arm playfully, even though I silently appreciated the thought. Hotch hands slid onto my hips and he helped me off the kitchen island. “We should put him in bed,” he referenced Jack, who was still waiting on the couch for us.

“After?” I asked desperately.

He knew what I meant. He knew what I wanted because he wanted the same thing. “After…” He kissed me again with his arms wrapped around my waist. I leaned back with the kiss and sucked in a breath through my nose since he had caught me off guard. “Come on,” he pried himself away from me before things could get out of hand. He took my hand and led me out the door and back into the living room.

We walked around the couch, expecting to sit back down with Jack to finish the movie, but what we found melted my heart. Jack was asleep on the couch, curled up in the fetal position, his hands tucked under his head. I smiled and leaned into Hotch’s side. Jack looked so at peace. I didn’t want to move him for fear of waking him up by accident. I figured that there would be no harm in letting him sleep on the couch, right? Besides, if he woke up in the middle of the night, he could walk up to his room or come sleep in ours if he got scared.

“We should probably move him upstairs,” Hotch whispered, making a move to grab Jack.

I stopped him, “No, wait.” Hotch looked at me with a raised brow. “Just leave him…” I squeezed his hand and started dragging him away from the couch.

Together, we headed down the hallway past the kitchen, turned into the dining room, and made it to the stairs. I took a step up, then Hotch pulled at my hand gently, spinning me back around to face him. He took a step up to be even with me before pushing me against the wall and capturing my lips in another kiss. I thrust my hips against his to gain some friction between us, which only encouraged him to kiss me harder.

Hotch’s phone started buzzing. I moaned into his mouth in an attempt to distract him, but while his lips were still glued to mine, he pulled his phone out to see who was calling. He parted from me for a moment to take a look at the Caller I.D. before answering the call with a worried face. He nodded continuously as he listened to what the caller on the other end had to say. In the end, he said, “We’ll be there,” and hung up the phone. I slumped against the wall out of disappointment. I knew what that call meant, so I pushed myself off the wall and went to call Jessica to see if we could drop off Jack.

Hotch tried to catch my hand and apologize, but I escaped his reach. Every damn time something was about to happen, work always got in the way. It was either work or Jack; and while we loved both, sometimes I just wished that we could have some time to ourselves. Though I didn’t want to bitch about it because I knew that there was no more Hotch could do about it than I could, I knew that it would have to come up at some point soon— only after this whole evaluation debacle would be out of the way, though.

By the time I got off the phone with Jessica and returned to the living room, Hotch was already changed for work. He was carrying Jack as he continued to slumber against Hotch’s chest and shoulder. We made eye contact before I turned towards the staircase and hurried upstairs to get changed. Honestly, I lazily threw on the first pair of slacks I found on my side of the closet, matched with a wine red camisole and black suit jacket to cover up. I slid on a pair of black heels that were at the front of our closet, grabbed my badge and gun from the drawer in the bedside table, and hurried back downstairs.

Hotch carried Jack out to the car, I opened the door, and he buckled Jack in. Still, though, Jack didn’t wake or fret. I closed the door carefully and quietly before getting into the front passenger’s seat. Hotch started the car, but he waited to go. For a moment, he stared at his hands on the steering wheel like he was lost in thought.

“I’m sorry,” he spoke up, not loud enough to wake up Jack, though. I shrugged and shook my head to tell him that I didn’t blame him. “I just… I don’t want this to always come between us…” His eyes glanced over his shoulder to see if Jack was still out of it. “Work always ended up coming between me and Haley, and I don’t want that to happen again. I’m doing everything I can to make sure that doesn’t happen, but there’s only so much I can do.”

“You don’t have to do everything, Aaron. It’s okay to share your burdens, and it’s okay that work comes first. We both worked too hard to get where we are to not let it come first. We balance it the best we can. That’s all I can ask for.”

He bowed his head in shame. There was more on his mind, and it broke my heart that he had so much going on all at once. It was all too much for him to handle… I just didn’t want him to break as a result.

“The evaluations are going to go smoothly, you’re going to be praised by the Bureau for being the best unit chief they have, and I’m never going to give up on making things work.” I tried to find his eyes, but he kept looking away. “Do you hear me, Aaron Hotchner? I’m not going to stop fighting for you. Ever.” I grabbed his chin with my fingers when he still refused to look at me. “Getting called in for cases is nothing you can control. It’s annoying sometimes, yeah. No one likes it— not even Reid. But it’s the job. I’m not going to take that out on you.”

I think he needed to hear me explain that more than anything. Haley left him because he always put work over everything else, including his family. While he knew that his job was more than just catching bad guys, it was about making the world a safer place for his son; Haley never understood that. All she knew was that she was lucky to see her husband for even an entire twenty-four hours every few days. At some point, missing him just became too unbearable for her. She rathered the idea of leaving him all together to avoid getting her hopes up every time over staying and fighting to make things work. Haley was a good woman. She was nice to me when she certainly didn’t have to be. But I wasn’t going to give up as easily as she had. I wasn’t going to let the best thing that had ever happened to me slip out of my grasp.

“This works for us, even though it can be frustrating. We are who we are, and our job is what it is. I know that, you know it, and Jack knows it.” I took a moment to let his eyes search mine. “I’m sorry for how I reacted inside…”

Hotch slid his face out of my grip and he carefully pressed his foot on the gas before driving down the street. He took a left turn at the stop sign, then drove down two blocks before taking another left. We drove past six different houses before we pulled into Jessica’s driveway. Hotch sighed and unbuckled his seat. He got back out and grabbed Jack from the back, then carried him up the front door. Jessica appeared in her pajamas shortly after Hotch rang the doorbell, and she took Jack from him with a smile before closing the door again.

Once he was back in the car with me, Hotch started driving us to the crime scene we were called to. It wasn’t too far from our neighborhood, but it was certainly more in the city compared to where Hotch and I lived. As we slowed down and Hotch parked against the curb, I looked across the street to see the building which we had been called to. 

“Hotch, isn’t this Gideon’s place?” I asked. While I had never actually laid eyes upon it myself, I recognized the street and building name because Hotch sometimes drove Gideon home if he was tired or didn’t have a ride for some reason.

Hotch examined the red brick exterior of the building as he called Gideon’s cellphone, but no one picked up. We both hurried out of the car, proceeded to walk across the street together when there were no cars, and hurried into the apartment building. Hotch held the elevator door open for me so that it wouldn’t shut before I could step in, and I pressed the button for the second floor. Gideon’s floor. When the elevator dinged and the doors reopened, we were immediately greeted by a group of local cops who were trying to trade places with us so that they could go back to the lobby. As we stepped into the hallway, I could hear the echo of officers’ walkie-talkies and cameras clicking with each photo taken. We followed the noise down to the tenth apartment in the hallway. The door was wide open, and a cop was standing to keep guard. Hotch and I both flashed our credentials in the cop’s face as we nonchalantly kept walking into the apartment.

This was Gideon’s place. He always had a strange fascination with birds, Charlie Chaplin, and trains. All three obsessions were enshrined in each room. The walls were covered with elegant art of all different kinds of birds, model trains lined the book shelves and tables around the place, and there was an old Charlie Chaplin poster framed and hung up in the living room.

Hotch led the way into the living room and we spun around in place to get a good look at the scene that was unfolding around us. The FBI already had units casing the place, the local PD was bagging evidence, and the coroner’s office was finishing up with the dead body on Gideon’s bed. Earlier, when Hotch had called Gideon to let him know about the investigation of the BAU, there was mention of Gideon going on a date— that was how the conversation of roses started up. All the pieces of the puzzle started to form together as the coroner moved away from the body on the bed and we could see that it was a woman in a nice, tight, black dress that someone would wear for special occasions. Gideon’s date.

“There’s so much blood…” I whispered to Hotch with a half breath. There was blood splattered on every wall imaginable in the apartment, but especially in the bedroom. The floor looked clean, like someone had cleaned up after themselves to get rid of footprints, but the sheets, the walls, and the ceilings were drenched like it had just rained blood. “If they already have a unit here… why were we called in?”

“For questioning,” Hotch whispered back. I raised a curious brow. Questioning for what? “Gideon’s likely the lead suspect in this case.”

“That’s preposterous.”

“I know,” he nodded, “but don’t you see how this looks? There’s a woman who was massacred in his home and he’s nowhere to be found.”

Hotch had a point, but it just couldn’t be possible. Sure, it looked like Gideon could have done this because all of the quick glance facts pointed to him, but we knew that Gideon wasn’t capable of something like this. Gideon already hated all of the crime and gore we saw at work. He wouldn’t kill someone— especially a date that he seemed nervous about.

“Maybe someone took him?” I speculated.

Hotch grabbed his phone from his pocket again. “Cover me,” he murmured, turning his back from the crowd of cops in the apartment. I stepped in front of everyone’s view of him and looked around to make sure that no one was watching.

As Hotch started to call Gideon again, a phone in the apartment started to ring. Both Hotch and I turned to see where the ringing was coming from, and found that Gideon’s cellphone was sitting on the table in the dining area. I threw my palm up to my forehead to push back my hair and to wipe away the nervous sweat that was starting to bead. A dead woman was on his bed, the apartment was set up for a date, Gideon’s phone was on the table, and the man himself was nowhere to be found. This looked really bad. It was really bad.

“I’m going to talk to the lead detective. Stay here. If the team shows up, tell them what you know as quietly as you can. We need to keep this quiet.”

“Why?”

“Because we’re going to investigate it, if we can.”

Hotch headed towards the bedroom to locate the lead detective, meanwhile I stayed and watched the door for any sign of our team. Morgan, JJ, Emily, and Reid all arrived a few minutes after, just as Hotch was finished speaking in the bedroom. Talk about good timing.

Morgan approached Hotch, both of them standing across from me now, while JJ, Emily, Reid stayed a few steps back to get a look at the scene. Morgan asked what all of this was about, and Hotch explained exactly what we figured would happen. Gideon was the lead suspect in the murder investigation of the woman on his bed— whoever she was. When Morgan tried to protest that outrageous claim, Hotch agreed with him, but explained, “At least six witnesses claimed to see him running out of this building while covered in blood. We’re under strict orders to not get involved because of the conflict in interest.” We all fell silent during his explanation, just trying to piece together how this could have happened. Gideon wouldn’t have done this— He couldn’t have! There was absolutely no way that he was capable of it, and we were the only people who knew that and could clear his name. Despite what Hotch said about our orders to stay out of it, the five of us all exchanged glances that implied we weren’t going to let this go. We owed that much to Gideon.

“Well, who spoke to him last?” Emily asked before turning to look into the bedroom.

Hotch crossed his arms over his chest, “We talked to him about two hours ago, but I don’t know if that’s the last call he had or not.”

“I could check his phone,” Reid offered quietly.

Hotch’s stern gaze snapped over to him. We had our orders to not get involved, but we were all antsy to do so, anyhow. Hotch was a rule follower by nature, but there were times when he let things slide— for instance, what happened on the jet to St. Louis, or even what happened in his office after he found out that Morgan and I took the Mulford file the other day. Reid was the first to flat out suggest breaking the rules in order to help Gideon, so now it was just a waiting game to see if Hotch would give in or not. If anything happened— if we got caught snooping around, protecting Gideon, or obstructing the investigation in any way, it would be on his head, not ours; and with the evaluations approaching in less than two days, and Hotch worried about his job, I thought that there was no way in hell he’d ever let us—

“Do it,” Hotch nodded slightly. Reid turned in his heels and headed to grab the phone resting on the table. Hotch addressed the rest of us to expand on the call we had with Gideon earlier, “He said that he was running late for a date, and that he didn’t know what kind of flowers to get.”

“Do we even know who she is?” Morgan asked.

“An old school friend, apparently.” Hotch looked to Emily, “Figure out what you can about the body. Quickly.” She nodded and stepped all the way into the bedroom as smoothly as she could so as to not raise alarm about her sudden interest in the body. “JJ, use your cellphone to go around and record everything around this place, then send it all to Garcia. Take pictures, videos, everything.” JJ grabbed her phone and headed to document everything starting at the door. “Go take a look around,” he whispered to me and Morgan with a hand on my arm. “Discreetly.”

Morgan and I started at the door, just after JJ had cleared out of there. I put my fingers on the doorframe and ran my finger over the wood. No cracks, no breakage, no sign of forced entry at all. The door was unlocked, but the doorknobs had been polished recently, probably to get rid of fingerprints— not that it mattered since so many people from the FBI and the PD had put their hands on it without gloves. The carpet in front of the door was all scrunched and crinkled, which could have been a sign of a struggle, but since the scene had already been contaminated by a handful of officers trampling in and out of the apartment, there was no way to tell for sure. Besides the carpet, however, the lamp that was on the desk in the entryway was now unplugged and broken, but no blood; so neither the Unsub nor the victim used it as a weapon. If there was a struggle, this was our only clue.

We made our way through the entryway and into the dining area. The table was still set up exactly as it had been found, except for the fact that Spencer was looking through Gideon’s phone to see if he was in contact with anyone else besides me and Hotch. There were two dining sets across from one another with full glasses of wine beside them, everything untouched. They hadn’t sat down to eat or drink yet. Why go through the trouble of setting this all up if he was just going to kill her the first chance he got? Easy answer: because he wasn’t the one to kill her. Hard question to follow that answer: who did kill her, then?

The living room was undisturbed entirely. No blood, no sign of a struggle, nothing out of place. It looked as perfect as Gideon would have left it since he was expecting a special guest. So to determine what happened, we had to piece together how this happened. There was no sign of a break-in, which was likely going to point more fingers at Gideon since it was his home and he wouldn’t need to break in. But besides that, who could have been able to get into the apartment without having to break the lock or kick down the door? Someone who was let in. So the victim heard a knock at the door, and since she was expecting Gideon, she opened it, only to find that the Unsub was standing there. Startled, the victim was either pushed into the lamp or happened to back up against the desk fast enough to send it falling to the ground. She was forced into the apartment, somehow either led or carried to the bedroom, and then murdered there.

I neared Hotch’s side, our shoulders touched, but we faced opposite directions. “No sign of a struggle, no sign of a break in, no sign that she was under duress.”

“The lamp and the rugs?” he asked me quietly.

“Could have been caused by Gideon after he found the body or any of the cops who have been coming and going. There’s no way to know.”

Hotch sighed and scratched his chin while he thought. “Emily says that the Unsub tore apart her stomach in order to take various organs. He was precise with his clean cuts using a scalpel. There were traces of arousal, but no sign of any penetration.”

“He’s sexually motivated, then.”

“A sexually sadistic psychopath, actually, according to Emily. There’s something else, though…” He hesitated and I looked out the corner of my eye to glance at him. “Do you remember when the team had that case in Nevada where the Unsub got away?”

I mean, remembered Hotch telling me about it after he came back from that case. After St. Louis, when the Hollow Man took me and put a gun to my back and head, Hotch was less than eager to put me back in the field. He didn’t like that things got out of control between us, and he certainly didn’t like someone threatening my life. All of that added up to the fact that he put me on desk duty for two weeks as probation— as if I weren’t the victim in that situation. It was frustrating at the time because the team kept going on cases, and I wasn't there to have their backs, but there was one case that seemed to irk everyone. They had traveled to Nevada to track down a serial killer. Gideon and Morgan had him trapped in a diner. They thought they won. But this Unsub… Frank something… he was one step ahead. He knew that the team was onto him, so he found an out for himself by taking a school bus full of children hostage. Gideon and Morgan had no choice but to let him go. Once they did, they couldn’t find him again. The trail went cold, so they had no choice but to come home and move onto the next case until he would strike again.

 Hotch continued with his explanation after I gave a short nod, “His M.O. was to take the rib bones and give them to the woman he was infatuated with, Jane Hanratty is her name.” I shrugged. What did this have to do with the case? Hotch said that this Unsub cut open her stomach and took organs. “He removed her lower right rib bone,” he answered my silent question, “and he left it in her hand for us to see. He wants us to know that he’s back.”

Emily approached Hotch’s other shoulder and faced the same direction I was. “We should tell the police.”

“Just wait,” Hotch whispered. “We don’t have any physical evidence that Frank did this. We have speculations, but we’re biased. Every way you can interpret this scene, if you don’t know who Frank is, leads back to Gideon— which is on purpose. Frank wants to take Gideon down, and he’ll stop at nothing to make sure it happens. In the time it would take to tell the police everything and convince them that we’re right, Frank could kill Gideon and a handful of other people. We don’t have time to waste.”

“You said that he did this all for Jane last time,” I spoke up. “What changed between them to make him lash out again?”

Both Emily and Hotch shrugged, but she added a verbal response, “Maybe she’s dead. Maybe he killed her and he’s mad at himself?”

“Psychopaths aren’t capable of feeling love or remorse, though.”

“Clearly Frank is different,” Hotch responded. “Emily, take the others to see if you can find Gideon in the area, and if not, head back to the office. We need to get ahead of this before it’s too late.”

“What about you guys?” she asked us.

“We’ll stay here to answer any questions the PD will have, and we’ll continue to quietly monitor the investigation. Just wait for my calls.”

Emily nodded before leaving with the rest of the team. Hotch finally let out a sigh and faced me. This was bad. Really fucking bad. If their theory about Frank was true, then Gideon was in a lot more trouble than we had anticipated. A psychopath was out there with a vendetta against Gideon. He started with trying to frame him, but since that wasn’t exactly panning out, there was only so long Gideon could run and hide from Frank.

Hotch’s phone started ringing again. Surprise, surprise. He answered as quickly as possible. “Hello?” He waited a beat. “Hello?” Still waiting. Then his face perked up with interest. “Where are you?” Hotch eyed me out the corner of my eye, and I knew that it had to be Gideon. “Was Jane with him?” So it was Frank who had done this, and it was all about Jane. “He called you?” his brows narrowed. “Do not, under any circumstances, turn yourself in. Do you hear me? If you do that, this investigation moves into an interrogation room and everyone will have their tunnel vision focused on locking you up and not finding Frank. We know who he is, we’ve handled him before. Help us find the why so that we can finally catch him. Alright?” He waited another few seconds to listen. “Find somewhere quiet to work, we’ll take care of the rest. I’ll send Garcia to you with anything you need.” He pulled the phone from his ear and buried it in his pocket without giving Gideon a proper goodbye. Hotch looked at me, “Let’s talk outside.”

I nodded and followed him quietly out of the apartment building. Out on the street, the team was just getting back from searching the area for Gideon like Hotch had instructed. We avoided them before they could see us and headed to an alleyway across the street. We approached a dumpster and came to a slow and steady stop. Hotch stared at it and sighed. It smelled absolutely disgusting, even from where we were standing on the other side. I prayed to myself that Hotch wasn’t about to do what I thought he was going to do. I promised myself right then that if he did, I wouldn’t sleep with him for a week— hell, I don’t think I would have touched him for a week. Even if he wanted to kiss me or sleep in the bed with me, he was going to have tough as shit luck.

“Please don’t,” I begged after he gave me a regretful look. “I know I was all sappy in the car and promised to always fight for you and to make this work, but I swear to god, Aaron Hotchner, if you get in that dumpster right now, I will leave you.”

“Gideon said that Frank dropped something in there as he was running after him.”

I stared at him with a flat face. Like, couldn't he make Morgan do it? Hotch was still kind of mad at us for taking the file when he felt that it was his responsibility to complete the report, not ours. This could have been, like, some kind of punishment for Morgan… right?

“I love you?” he treaded carefully. I shook my head. “You could at least say it before I go digging around in a dumpster.”

“Oh, no, no, no. You’ve hit rock bottom, Agent Hotchner. I refuse to let those three words leave my mouth in regards to you ever again.”

Hotch rolled his eyes and groaned out of annoyance as he stepped up to the dumpster. “You say that now,” he pulled himself up, “but you’re always begging to say it when we’re alone,” he pushed himself over the edge, “and in the bedroom,” he landed on his feet in the dumpster. 

I shook my head, “I have never been more attracted to you in my whole life.”

“Sarcasm. Nice. We’ll see where that gets you after this is all over with and we’re back at home.” He held his breath as he bent down to start searching in the dark for whatever Frank must have left in there, according to Gideon.

After a few minutes, Hotch laughed in a state of eureka and lifted a plastic bag over his head. He held it out for me and I took it so that he could pull himself out of the dumpster. I started shuffling a few steps to get ahead of him before he could try to grab my waist and pull me in for a kiss or something. I opened the bag as we neared the end of the alleyway and there were finally street lamps to help me see. Unsurprisingly, there were bloody clothes all shoved inside without care. If everyone saw Gideon running out of the building, but no one saw Frank, this was likely why. He knew that he had to blend in, so he changed into Gideon’s clothes and walked out of the apartment like nothing happened.

Hotch and I headed back across the street and met up with the team as they were discussing our options going forward. Morgan spotted us approaching and pointed us out to JJ, Emily, and Reid. They all turned and I held the bag up to show them what we had been off doing. Hotch explained that Gideon told him over the phone to go looking for it in the dumpster, and Morgan cracked a joke that he could tell where we had been without us needing to say it.

“This is all the proof we need now, though, right? I mean, we can turn Frank into the MPD to clear Gideon’s name,” Emily said.

“By the time this comes back from the lab, Frank will be long gone,” Hotch responded while shaking his head.

“If the cops find out that we’re hiding evidence and a material witness from them, then—” Morgan began.

“We’re not hiding evidence. We’ll still turn it over to forensics, but we need to keep looking for Frank if we’re going to stop him.”

“Agent Morgan?” a kid asked as he skated over to us on his skateboard. We all turned with confusion plastered to our faces. “They say beauty can cover a multitude of sins, while underneath it all, we all look exactly the same.”

Morgan started frantically looking over his shoulders for something— or someone. “Frank said that to me in the diner,” he explained to us while still searching around.

“Give me Jane or I’ll kill them all,” the boy continued.

Morgan stopped to look at Hotch with wide eyes. “Frank thinks that we have Jane?”

“Can I have my $10 now?”

I scrunched my brows together while the rest of the team ignored him to discuss the fact that Frank was doing all of this because he thought that we had Jane. She wasn’t dead like Emily had guessed. She was somewhere out there, but she wasn’t with us nor Frank. If we were going to end this, and save whoever it was he was threatening this time, then we needed to find her fast. Hotch told JJ to call Garcia and have her meet Gideon on Lowland Avenue. JJ nodded and stepped off to go do as she was told.

“Hey, yo, my $10, man,” the kid poked Morgan’s arm. Morgan shrugged off the kid’s touch while still talking to Hotch. “Come on!” I rolled my eyes before pulling out my wallet and handing the kid his $10 so that he would just go away.

“Gideon mentioned that he saw Jane just before Frank killed the woman upstairs,” Hotch explained. “She’s in town and Frank thinks that we have her. If we find her, we get Frank. That has to be our play.”

“The last time we found Frank, he outsmarted us by taking a busload of children hostage. He didn’t give us options before, what makes you think he won’t do the same this time around?” Emily inquired.

“Frank’s message said ‘I’ll kill them all’,” Spencer commented. “Who is he referring to?”

JJ came back from her call with Garcia. ”She’s on her way to meet him now,” she told Hotch. “She said that she looked through everything I sent her, and the one thing that stood out to her was that in Gideon’s black leather-bound book, the first page was missing. She said that all that was left of what was there was a list of numbers.”

“It’s his murder book,” Hotch clarified to us. “The front page, it’s a list of all of the people he has ever saved. He has all of their information in it because he likes to keep up to date with them to remind himself why he still does this. And now Frank has the list.”

“Frank said that he’s going to kill them all,” I said. “He’s going after the people who encourage Gideon to keep doing this job.”

“JJ, when we get back to the office, start locating all of the nearest possible targets. Those of them that still talk to him are memorialized in photos on his desk in his office. Start there. The rest of us will try to narrow down where Jane could possibly be.”

Everyone hurried back to their cars and we started racing towards Quantico. I told Hotch when we got in the car together that he should probably change into the clothes in his go bag when we would get there since he smelled from digging in the trash. He agreed and told me that I should start profiling all of the victims Gideon saved in recent years. I was the only one who was able to profile Gideon before when I was first offered the spot on the team, so I could do it again. Gideon had favorites, it was just a matter of finding the ten or so needles in a haystack of thousands of different possibilities.

At the office, Hotch hurried into his office to grab his go bag and to change in the bathroom. The rest of us headed into the boardroom to start narrowing down the endless options. JJ already had all of Gideon’s framed photos from his office set up on the table by the time I sat down. She turned one of them over to face me and asked if I knew who it was standing next to Gideon in the image. I told her that it was Gideon’s son, and that we should not concern ourselves with him because he wouldn’t be listed in the journal. JJ threw her hands up in surrender, her eyes widening as she gave the table a look that said: “I’m sorry I asked.”

Hotch came up the ramp and stormed into the board room, “JJ, did you talk to the media yet?”

“They already have Frank and Jane’s names and faces. They’ll run it with the morning news.”

“Good. We need to make sure that we get to her first so that we can interrogate her.”

“Is that the wise thing to do?” Morgan questioned.

“Not at all, but it’s our only chance of taking Frank down. He’s in love with her, so he likely told her everything about himself. Have we made any progress with this?” He gestured to the table of photos.

“We think we have it narrowed down to nine,” Reid answered. “All nine of them are in the city, are in constant contact with Gideon via email and phone calls, and they’re all doing well for themselves since the investigations including them concluded.”

“Now it’s just down to calling all of them to warn them,” Emily said.

“Everyone grab a file and start dialing a number,” Hotch ordered, taking a seat.

We all reached into the middle and grabbed a case each, but JJ, Hotch, and I took one extra. I started with my first call to Elizabeth Reynolds. She picked up after the second ring. I told her that I was an agent with the FBI, and I was wondering if she was at home and safe. She told me that she was with her family at her mother’s house in Vermont. When she proceeded to ask what this was all about, I told her that it was just a routine check in and concluded my call with her. Everyone else seemed to have the same shit luck finding any leads with their calls as they ended at the same time. Hotch was already through his second one, that was how fast we were calling around. JJ was in the middle of her call as I grabbed Rebecca Garner’s file. It looked like she had changed her last name to Brian since we rescued her a few months ago, and, honestly, I couldn’t blame her. If I were her, I wouldn’t want anything to do with the name Garner either.

I bit my lip as the line buzzed between each ring. It took about four rings for the call to be picked up on the other end. I waited for someone else to say something to make sure I wouldn’t give away who was calling just in case it was anyone but Rebecca.

“Hello?” she asked.

“Rebecca Brian? This is Y/N Greenaway. I was one of the agents who rescued you from your father’s house.”

“He’s not Agent Gideon, is he?”

My blood ran cold. Everyone in the room turned to face the speaker. I looked up at Hotch and searched his eyes for comfort, maybe? I wasn’t sure what I was looking for. The Fisher King case was one of the first big ones I had worked on with the team. Randall Garner fucked with all of us just because he thought he was stuck in some fantasy world where we were the Knights of the Round Table and we could somehow cure his burns. He did all of that, plus he kidnapped his only surviving daughter, all just to lure us to his house. We saved Rebecca. We won that night. This shouldn’t have had to happen to her again.

Hotch leaned over the table, “Rebecca, this is Agent Aaron Hotchner. If you can, very calmly excuse yourself and get out of the house. Can you do that?”

“What’s going on?” she asked with worry.

We heard her whimper on the other end of the call, and then there was a loud crash.

“Rebecca?” I called for her calmly. “Rebecca? Are you still there?” There was no response. “Rebecca?”

“There you are, Agent Greenaway,” Frank said into the call. “It’s so lovely to finally meet you. Well, at least to hear your voice. I regret to inform you that Rebecca’s name should be moved to a new list.”

“Frank, we don’t have Jane,” Hotch spoke up.

“I will not stop until I have her back.” And then he hung up.

We all looked at each other as silence hung in the air. We were too late. Frank had already gotten to her, and by the time we could get to her house, she would be dead. What were we supposed to do? He would be gone from her apartment before we could even get there. There was literally nothing we could do to save her. We spent those three agonizingly long days trying to take Randall Garner down and save Rebecca Garner. Elle got shot because of that case. Saving Rebecca was a huge win for us, and now Frank had stolen that victory from us.

The only thing we could do was head to Rebecca’s apartment and see if Frank left any clues with her body… That was the sad truth. There was no race to get there, there was no need to call in the SWAT team for back up, and there was no reason to even gear up with our vests.

We failed her entirely.

#criminal minds #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds imagines #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds fanfic #aaron hotchner #aaron hotch x reader #aaron hotch hotchner #aaron hotchner imagine #aaron hotchner imagines

[duskodair]

further Noel lore, by popular demand (with the old bc why not)

The one constant in her life has always been him. One of them was born first, but they're not sure which. Names don't stick to them. Dozens of monikers have come and passed them by. They barely use names for one another, so it doesn't matter. They know vaguely which order the children they might have once been were born and named, but neither of them actually know to which of them each name belongs.

They come to the orphanage as a pair of red headed infants, identical and inseparable. Among the other children, they are easily lost in the muddle. They grow up holding hands and answer to both names. They come to answer to others as well, as staff members forget and rename them from the pool of other children.

The orphanage is a loveless place. They learn of the distant love of a God who has forsaken them from nuns who have no time for them. They learn to walk holding hands and make their own language to whisper the secrets they learn from watching places that the convent do not want them to see.

The nuns can't keep the right names pinned to the right child and by the time they leave the orphanage, their papers are muddled and merged, inseparable in their scarcity. At fourteen, they do honest work for a few months, pulling in a pitiful wage between them. They answer to the names that the nuns told them they were given as decide that it's not for them.

Knowing their letters, at least, gets them into interesting places. Gossip slips by them. They come home with stories and whispers of crimes committed in distant towns. There's nothing truly behind it, but it intrigues them.

They leave the town they were raised in with the collection money for the convent's charity children. They never saw any of it whilst they were there, so they reckon it's theirs to take.

They do it sensible, though, no grand heist and sudden exit. One day two nobodies walk the streets and the next they are gone, notice properly given and a forwarding address passed along to those it may concern. Perhaps they go where they say they are going, perhaps they do not. The convent only realises the theft far later than it could be solved. And by that point, they are dust on the plains.

'New town, new names' is their policy. It gives them something to do on their journeys. Their childhood gives them a wealth of options as they work their way through the Good Book. She chars for a family as Leah, subtly learning to mimic the habits of those born into money as she beats dust out of the curtains. As Mary she is a gentle lady, down on her luck, willing to watch the children.

She never does a con without him. It starts with petty theft, enough to tide them over. But they grow confident as the years pass, and still the sheriffs fail to put out a bounty for names they've left behind.

Both of them claim to do the most work in their enterprise. She scoffs and says he's far too distracted by pretty stable boys and saloon lasses for his case to be true. He argues that she's too busy staring at her own reflection in things to possibly be doing the most work.

She kicks him, out of principle, before grinning. They're nearly done with this town. Regretfully, they're about to have a family emergency and the gentle seamstress' assistant and the errand boy will have to leave. It will be a while before anybody notices that old Mr McCoy hasn't been seen in a while. Well, perhaps the young ladies he used to shout at might notice, but the twins don't think they'll miss him.

Noel swings out her legs one last time before depositing them in Jonah's lap. She leans back as she considers the best way for Miss Miranda DuVal to break her incoming family crisis to her employer to potentially receive offerings of sympathy. In the last town she'd received a lovely pair of hand me down boots. She's hoping to do much better here, and well, there's some lovely stuff in the Atkinsons' unpaid tab.

The breeze picks up a little. Nothing like a peaceful walk and a casual picnic to enjoy their last day in this town. She looks away from the disappointing straggle of houses that make up the town, towards her brother. He's lying down in the prairie grass, staring up at the passing clouds. She thinks he's probably thinking about a barmaid again. He's got that look on his face.

She rips up a bit of grass and tosses it at him, 'keep your raunchy thoughts off your face. I don't want to know'

He tosses the grass back at her, 'I can do what I please. It's my own bleedin face'

With that, he rises, pushing her legs from his lap.

'Now come along, sister dearest, I'm sure we are missed. I must see if Old Man Thomas needs any more of those crates lifting, and I'm sure you have embroidery to do'

She lets him read her disdain before rising and schooling her features into the amiable Miss DuVal. 'Of course, brother, shall we go, then?'

She takes his arm and they head back to finish the performance before the appointed hour of departure. They make their arrangements and say their goodbyes. Jonah receives his kisses and Noel her tea gown.

On the road they pick new names, write a new story. When she stumbles in a gopher hole, he christens her Grace. She makes a hand gesture that the nuns certainly would not have approved of and accepts the name.

Town after town they pass through, weaving their way West, across the country. Their cons become bigger and grander and their budget grows.

For all their griping, they make an excellent team, she thinks, as he combs out her hair for her next performance. Their plan is to land a quiet jackpot in the town of Danser. It's been in their sights for a while, a little passing place, irrelevant. Perfect.

They have a few weeks to go before they arrive, appearances to make along the road. They call themselves Underwood for the branch that Jonah stumbles into as he stumbles around their camp after dark. They turn the branch into a lumber business and laud their wealth to one another.

Noel laughs into the fire as she weaves stories of their loving Papa, whose only desire in life is to see his daughter married off to a reputable man. Jonah grins as he fleshes out the tragedy of their gentle mother, taken too soon.

At least, Noel thinks, she won't have to wear the fashion of a widow too long, as Jonah will, of course, have to return her to the loving safety of her father, if there is nobody left in Danser to provide. She checks the Derringer strapped to her thigh and consigns her new life story to memory. Yes, she thinks, Noel will work as a name for a while.

______

Danser is quiet the day the Underwoods ride into town. On the surface, they bring little change, just a business deal and a wife for the wealthy Mr Tobias Lloyd. Noel rides into town as a bartering token for her family's lumber business, a symbol of an alliance sealed.

Jonah Underwood brings her into town, red hair tousled in the wind as the twins drive, laughing, down the dust scattered road. He's going to stay in Danser as she gets settled.

He'll probably stay longer than expected, loath to leave her. They've never been more than a week apart throughout their short lives. Where she goes, he follows, but this time, he cannot.

Noel is prepared, she thinks, for a husband. Her trunk is packed with all her worldly possessions and the wood of the carriage is steady under her hands.

The town spreads before her, barely a stopping point out from the city. Home, it seems, now. She's a long way from Tennessee. She's a long way from their smaller cons. Jonah meets her eyes. They're ready.

Her fingers dust over the derringer that she carries strapped to her thigh. She smiles. The plan is simple. She can do it. Jonah guides the horses forward into town, nodding to the old man on his stoop outside the general store, before heading to the Emerald Hotel.

She holds her head high as Jonah makes arrangements. The role is easy, she smiles and nods and watches. Noel is quiet and demure, but ever watchful, cataloguing her new neighbours. She plays naive, batting doe eyes at passers by, luring people in to speak with them.

They spend a day getting settled, researching, making appearances. They go to church, make nice. They start tabs and pay them off, respectable like, with the money of dead men. They find out about Mr Lloyd. He's wealthy and removed, just their type. His employees dislike him, after a few drinks, and when Jonah reports back, so does she.

She is all smiles, however, when Jonah presents her with promises of lumber money. She twirls the loose curls that soften her cheeks around a finger, and in that motion, she has him. Soon the hair around her finger becomes a ring and she becomes a wife.

Tobias Lloyd is, fundamentally, a disappointing husband. Everything he tries to teach her, she already knows, and quite frankly, he's barely competent. He tries to run her in circles but his fall short of the ones she's running around him.

Jonah rides between Danser and the city, keeping the financial side of the con running as Noel pushes her hands into the running of the household. She takes control, bringing home arsenic for cleaning and for rats.

She makes appearances with her husband in the Emerald Hotel, a doting wife out for coffee. She wears fine gowns and resists gossip, staying upstanding, but never cold. She likes to think that she's making her mark in the town, becoming known. If she is, she's doing her job properly, settling her character witnesses.

Everything is going perfectly until it isn't. Jonah slips. Noel doesn't even discover how until it is too late and the gunfight is lost and Jonah is bleeding out in her arms, his tab with God unsettled and their victory bleeding away.

She buries him in the churchyard, demure and sweet, watching the stone with the wrong name mark her brother's place. Later, she rides out and screams, hands still stained red with his blood. She remembers his unsettled tab and sets out to match it, so that one day she can join him once more.

She returns to town and puts on her gloves. Tobias loves her, she is the perfect wife, so attentive to his bouts of illness and so concerned.

Noel forms the perfect cover, she plays her part perfectly. With a little sacrifice, she covers for Jonah's slip. She helps collect funds for the new church floor, embroidering kerchiefs with dainty patterns for the pastor to sell. The new pastor admires her faith, he smiles and says one day she'll see heaven. She does her best to ensure that won't be so.

Tobias grows sicker and sicker and Noel worries more and more. At least, in public. Old Man German at the store grows tired of her asking after medicine. There is never any coming in.

Calling for the Doc is a risk, but a necessary one. Fortunately, it pays off, he patiently assures her that he's not a doctor and he cannot cure her husband. He's the best Danser has, however, and all her husband will see. She grows fond of him on his visits, another respectable alibi and connection for when she is alone.

She forges ties and prepares for widowhood. She ties her hair up neat and slips into the saloon instead of the hotel on a Friday afternoon, seeking the Doc, looking to keep herself in his mind. She's going to need a new husband soon, anyway, and it's always a good idea to plan ahead.

#chill to reblog #a town called danser #noel #jonah

[they-callme-ami]

Playing with Fire, Part 3 (Tobias x Fem!MC, SMUT)

If you couldn’t tell by the title, this is gonna be smutty and have smut. You have been warned.

Wordcount: 1973

@kingliamsbitch @theeccentricbibliophile @aylamwrites @matsuosdique @this-person-is-busy @jaxsmutsuo

The two of you were inside of Tobias’s townhouse...in his living room...you were on the couch, on top of him, kissing him deeply...he flipped you two over and grabbed your thighs, picking you up in his arms and heading towards another room...the bedroom.

“Hey...before this...continues...do you want to have sex with me Casey. We can just keep kissing--or stop immediately now.” He asks while caressing your cheek softly. Your heart swelled with joy...it was sweet, seeing him so vulnerable like this...so caring...focused on what makes you feel safe and comfortable.

“Yes, I do… do you? This is a 2 person job y’know..” you smile and he grins.

“I do….so...so bad.” he rasps against your throat. The two of you continue to kiss, your fingers running along his arms slowly as your legs stay around his waist, not wanting to let him go just yet….

“Move….move your arm...” you giggle. Tobias pulled away and licked his lips before biting his lower one, smirking.

“That’s not my arm.” He whispers, moving your hand to his….well, his not-arm. Fuck.

After that revelation and a quick pep talk to yourself, you managed to lay back on the bed.  Before you began to remove your outfit, Tobias stopped you.  He simply kissed you again, and peppers kisses down your shoulder while unzipping...unbuttoning...unlacing… stripping you down to your bare body...all on display for him. 

“It’s crazy...I’m a doctor...studied anatomy for years...but seeing you...laid out for me like this….no textbooks could have prepared me for such a woman.” He whispers and his hand slid between your legs and you gasped. His hand began to rub your entrance...he lifted his fingers up and smirks at you, licking your wetness off them. 

“It’s completely unfair I paid so much for dessert…especially since you’re much sweeter.” and with that, he pounced.

Tobias currently had your ankles against his pillow, legs spread wide as he was going to town on that pussy...he was definitely starving for you.  His tongue teased your sensitive nerve and ever so slowly dragged down your folds, and sunk in with a moan.  You squirm and try to move as he builds a rhythm: tease your clit with his tongue and make circles around it. Lick slowly down, and sink inside of you, while those hands kept you spread at the right angle to get all the way inside your pussy. Then, spelling his own name ever so expertly...T...O...B...I...A...S. Finally he’d start pulling out and repeating the process all over again...and again... It began to get too much as heat pooled in your lower regions, your hips bucking as you tried to push him away by his shoulders. 

“Don’t run away from me…” He growled and reached his hand up. “Suck” he commanded, holding his pointer and middle finger up before you complied, wrapping your plump lips around them and began to suck and lather them up.  His fiery hazel eyes were on you the whole time, watching you intently before you pulled them out.  Before he could protest, you held his hand and slid your tongue around his fingers while gazing down at him, running your tongue ever so slowly up his pointer...alluding to a certain action you’d perform soon enough. Big fucking mistake.

“Ah! No no--oh God Tobias I’m sorry---fuck--I--” you were now at his mercy, one hand holding both of yours while the other had a total of now 3 fingers inside of you--jackhammering and reaching all those spots while he made you keep eye contact with him.

“Wanna play like that, hm? You seemed real eager to tease me...what’s wrong, didn’t you want this Casey? “ He punctuates by fingering you faster, nearly reaching that spot and his thumb rubbing your clit.  “Don’t say sorry now, just take it...maybe if you’re nice and say sorry again, I’ll let you cum.” He says, giving you that shit-eating grin that made you want to hit him...but you were not gonna last unless you apologized.

“I-I’m sorry! I’m sorry--oh God please please please I wanna cum--!” You whimpered and blubbered out a desperate plea for your release. He kissed you to shut you up and fingers you deeper, hitting that spot inside you finally and well--you definitely got what you deserved.  Your hips rocked and bucked up against his fingers as you panted and whined, shakily coming down from your high.

Tobias pulled his fingers out and licked his pointer and middle clean, then held the ring out to you...and you cleaned it off.  Once you finished, he stood up and began to pull off his own clothing.  You gasped softly when he removed his top half, showing off his tone body, but when he removed those slacks and boxers….well, let’s just say Med school anatomy classes didn’t prepare you either.  But, you weren’t a quitter , Mrs. Top of the Class 2015.  You crawled forward and grasped his shaft in your hands.

“Well...you definitely have more than your career to be proud of.” You joked and even Tobias laughed a bit--breaking the tension.  “Real talk--if you try to thrust down my throat, I will cough and pull off. That isn’t a threat, I will legitimately choke...” You mumble but lean forward and slowly take the tip into your mouth.

“Shit….Casey…” Tobias moaned out your name, leaning against the wall while your hands were wrapped around the base, moving up and down, and your mouth moved in sync as well. Your tongue swirled around him as you moan, giving him exactly what he wanted and looking up at him while you did.  You gagged a bit at first--okay, a LOT at first--but had managed to take him in and out, and deepthroat him...he was definitely bigger than any you had previously...You took him all the way down with a soft gag and managed to slurp him up and move back to the tip, pan ting and jerking him off.

“I think...we both deserve a better dessert...~” You cooed and held your mouth open while your hands moved up and down, faster and faster, waiting--until you felt his release in your mouth, on your tongue...He panted and let out a raspy groan, fists balled up and eyes closed from the intense feeling.  Once it was over, you slowly drag your tongue up the shaft with a moan.  “You are definitely doing wonders for my ego y’know.” Tobias looked down at you and picked you up, pinning you back down to the bed...he had you on your hands and knees, and stood behind you.  Showtime.

You awaited for Tobias to put on protection, and he slowly rubbed his tip between your wet folds...when you gave him the okay, he began to thrust in--much to your satisfaction.  You let out a moan and grip the sheets, your eyes rolling back a bit.

“You okay?” He leaned down to ask and kissed your shoulder, and reached forward to gently squeeze and play with your breasts, his fingers circling your nipples and kissing you again.

“Yes...go deeper….I need you Tobias…” It was like a switch flipped on inside him, as his hands reached for yours and he pulled your arms back.  He began to thrust inside your pussy, his dick reaching deeper.  Oh yeah, he was definitely going to ruin you in all the right ways. Tobias tugged your arms back to pull you into every thrust, grunting as he slammed against you--his hips rocking and hitting against your ass with each thrust.  You moaned again, louder this time, and already felt yourself start to cream around him.  

“O-Oh---Tobias--h-harder! God--I---” He silenced you, going harder inside.  You fell forward a bit, your chest and face squished against the pillow while he kept ramming into you without remorse, the sound of your wet pussy and his hips clapping against your along with those desperate, needy moans.  It was unlike anything you’d felt before...it didn’t seem like Tobias would stop anytime soon.

“On your back….I want to look at you while I make you cum…” He pulled out, much to your disappointment.  You laid on your back, legs spread for him...strands of hair pressed against your sweating face...And Tobias back on top, wrapping your legs around you and sinking back in.  He fucked you slower this time, giving you deep thrusts as he hit your deepest parts with nearly every thrust...nothing could ruin this...and then….your phone rang.  You took a glance at the caller ID….Dr. Ramsey.  Before you could react, Tobias grabbed your phone and pressed Answer, holding it to your mouth while he fucked you.

“Casey? Are you busy, I wanted to know if you were available tomorrow. I know it’s your day off today and tomorrow after that double shift--but Baz and June are gonna drive me up a wall unless--”

“E-EtHAn--I-I’m a l-little b-bUsY r-right-now--”  you tried to hold back your moans, which was hard considering Tobias was making you lose control.  He only smirked and began to kiss and suck on your nipples, your hand rubbing his head as you attempt to refocus.  “C-Could you call me later E-Ethan? I-I just a-a-am t--tOo b-busy!  You cover your mouth to hide a whine while Tobias kept going. He then grabs your phone--

“Ethan, hey, it’s Tobias.  Casey is kinda drunk and all loopy.  She somehow managed to uber herself to Mass Kenmore when my shift was over, wanting to get Aurora to join in on the ‘fun’ but she called in sick. Since it’s kind of late...she’s crashing here. Too drunk to think.” He lied right through his teeth while your arms wrapped around him and held him tight, nails digging into his back.

“Oh….uh, that’s nice of you. Alright then. Just tell her to forget it, make sure she gets home safe tomorrow.”

“Will do...I’ve been taking care of her...for hours…” He smirked and winks at you before hanging up.

You whimper.  It was all crashing down at once while Tobias looked down at you. “Let go for me Casey.  I want you to--all around me...take it and cum for me…” he growls, nearing an orgasm himself.  Your legs tremble around him, but you hold on tighter and tighter.  You let out a loud, euphoric moan and felt your orgasm erupt as your body spazzed, tears roll down your cheek as you screamed out Tobias’s name...it felt like you nearly blacked out as he came after word, groaning loud and let out a moan in your ear--filling the condom and panting as it was over. The two of you, sweaty and shaky, held each other….you kissed him deeply, before giving into the exhaustion.

When you opened your eyes and woke up, you looked around...you saw Tobias asleep next to you, strong arms holding you close, the ceiling fan on.  You smile and hold his face, stroking his cheek and he slowly opens his eyes and grins.

“So….you’re still here...glad to know that it wasn’t a dream.”

“Tch--I could barely walk if I wanted to….” Your stomach growled a bit.  Tobias sat up and pulled on some boxers...he walked around to your side and picked you up, bridal style and you laugh, giggling.

“Tobias-- put me down!”

“Not till I make us breakfast. So you just shut up and let me be romantic and cute for once...dummy.” he teased and carried you to the kitchen….he sat you down and you looked at one another. Yup….you wouldn’t live without those fiery eyes in your life anymore.

#tobias carrick #open heart tobias #tobias open heart #oh tobias #tobias x mc #playchoices #choices #pb choices #choicesgame #open heart #choices open heart #open heart 2 #choices open heart 2

[ladyonfire28]

ngl seeing all those posts you reblogged about that danish actress Sidse made me want to watch the show lol. Do you have any other danish tv series or films to recommend ? I'm so unfamiliar with the danish film industry but I would love to discover more of it!

OMG THIS IS MY MOMENT !!!!!! 

You have no idea how happy this makes me lmao. If i can make people watch danish stuff my goal in life is ACHIEVED haha. 

Danish film industry is small but has some very good stuff. 

Here are some of my favorite films (all of them are very dramatic and sad i’m sorry lmao): 

The Guilty, directed by Gustav Möller (2018): This is a very special film. It’s about a police officer getting an emergency call from a woman who is being kidnapped, but the call is suddenly over. And the whole film is about him trying to solve the case from his office on the phone. There’s only one set, the office, and like 3 camera angles. You actually follow the story by listening to the film, which is so great but also very stressful. The sound editing is just phenomenal ! An amazing thriller. And it’s a FIRST feature film, which is even more impressive.

A Royal Wedding, by Nikolaj Arcel (2012): A period film about a real historic event in Denmark in the late 18th century. I wanted to watch it for Mads Mikkelsen and discovered Alicia Vikander thanks to that film. they’re both phenomenal. It’s not a happy film though, you gotta be ready lol. 

The Hunt, directed by Thomas Vinterberg (2012) : Again, Mads Mikkelsen is incredible in this film. He carries the whole film so brilliantly. One of the best performance i’ve seen. Truly one of the best actor of his generation. The film is great, but once again, pretty tough haha.

R directed by Tobias Lindholm (2012):  This is also from real events. the story is about a cook in a merchant ship being taken hostage by Somalian pirates. Captain Philips is the US remake of the film ! There are two great actors Pilou Asbæk (Borgen, Game of Thrones) and Søren Malling (The Killing, Borgen) in it !

After The Wedding, directed by Susanne Bier (2006): Another very sad film about a family drama haha. With another exceptional cast: Mads Mikkelsen (yes again) and Sidse Babett Knudsen

Festen, directed by Thomas Vinterberg (1998). Another very intense family drama. But it’s so so good, I needed a little while to get over it tbh. I think it got the Prix du Jury at Cannes . 

Pusher I, II, III, directed by Nicolas Winding Refn (1996, 2004, 2005). This is clearly not for everyone. To be frank, I saw the two first films too young and I was traumatized by it lmao. And i never saw the third one. But I don’t remember much so i don’t know how really tough it is. You’ll see a very young Mads in it, but more importantly you’ll see Kim Bodnia, whom you might recognize if you watch Killing Eve ! 

And here are a couple of TV series ! 

The Killing (3 seasons - 2007-2012). A great crime show. Every season focuses on one case/investigation. The US tried to make a remake of it but it’s bad so please watch the original show lol. The cast is again really good. Sofie Grabøl is an amazing lead actress and her character Sarah Lund deserves all the happiness in the world. i still think about the final episode every day and i want to SCREAM.

Borgen (3 seasons - 2010-2013) of course. A political show about a woman who becomes the Prime Minister of Denmark and all the consequences of it. I swear to you that it’s NOT boring and Birgitte Nyborg is the best woman and prime minister ever. 

The Bridge (4 seasons - 2011-2018). Another crime show, this time it’s half danish and half swede, which is also very fun. A great dynamic duo lead by Kim Bodnia and Sofia Helin. I barely started the show though, so i can’t really say much about it haha! 

If you’re interested in more Sidse Babett Knudsen projects, she’s also in two pretty good french films, L’Hermine (Courted) and La Fille de Brest (150 Milligrams) both from 2015. Because of course as the perfect woman she is, she can speak french very well !

I’m sorry for making such long lists, I just got very excited haha! I hope it helps at least ! 

#film recommendation #series recommendation #mads mikkelsen #sidse babett knudsen #ask #anon

[smallersocksx]

Pokemon Journeys Episode 74 (Ramblings/Review)

Introduction/Background:

I'll be honest I haven't been watching the series as actively since episode 65. That's because the episodic formula they chose to use for the series was honestly starting to grate on me and if you read my post on my issues with the Pokémon Journeys anime. I did bring up one of my issues being the episodic formula.

As time grew on through my issue with the episodic formula and some of the other issues of the series begun to annoy me even more so I needed to take a break. When they announced Dawn would be making an appearance, I knew I had to watch (the one instance where the episodic formula kind of worked in my favour). As Diamond and Pearl was my first game, my favourite anime series and had some of the best story-telling in my opinion. In comparison to Journeys, I think my main issue with the series is the lack of direction and not knowing where the story is going.

That element of surprise might be great for some people and if you’re enjoying the series that’s great too. Personally, I love the story-telling aspect of the Pokémon anime and watching these characters go on their own personal journeys. This is why watching a story-driven series, I want that level of clarity and direction provided by a linear narrative. This is why the episodic formula was starting to grate on me, Journeys is great when they are focusing on furthering a character’s goal or development, my issue lies with the huge gap in between which later results in a huge pacing issue that could easily be resolved if they gave time for certain aspects to be fleshed out more.

However, that isn’t to say Journeys is a bad series. I’ve certainly enjoyed a lot of the episodes and the slice of life aspect the series provides in comparison to earlier series. On the other hand, given that the series is meant to be focusing on travel that can be construed as a negative point as well.

And I've realised as I'm writing this, this may come across as a rant about the series rather than discussing the episode. So, if you're still reading thank you ^o^ But I thought it was necessary to give some background to explain how my opinions have been formed and if you recommend that I re-visit some episodes that’s great too!

So far, I've only seen the episode with some really poor subtitles. So, if I've misinterpreted a scene then you can let me know. But I think I got the gist of most of the episode. If you’ve read some of my other posts, I always try to break down these reviews/ramblings.

The Beginning:

I feel as though this episode is going to end up drawing similarities to the DP episode Sleepless in Pre-Battle. In which, Darkrai causes nightmares and Cresselia is unable to help the town for some reason, I can’t remember the exact reason in the original episode although in this case, it’s obvious as we see Team Rocket’s Matori Matrix attack and injure Cresselia. This sets up, the boys’ side of this DP mini-arc in which they’ll investigate the Darkrai side of the problem and something I greatly appreciated ASH! REFERENCED! HIS! BATTLE! WITH! DARKRAI!!! It was something I greatly appreciated and kind of wished Journeys took the time to reference some of Ash’s other achievements and experiences more often. Give him more of a mentor-ish role like he was to May back in AG. 

Rather than Chloe joining the boys in Sinnoh, originally, she was meant to be going on a trip with her family as the summer holidays had begun. However, those plans immediately went down the gutter as both her parents had work and her brother was joining his friend at summer camp (this is going by really horrible subtitles so I may be entirely wrong). I honestly don’t know if Chloe went to Sinnoh intending to join up with Ash and Goh or just going on a trip by herself. But I really liked the call back to Following a Maiden’s Voyage in which Chloe had packed too much the same as Dawn and her Mum ended up giving her a more appropriate-sized backpack. I think there might have been a Sword and Shield reference in there as well because at the beginning of the game the Mum says the backpack, she gives the player was the one she used for her journey and I think Chloe’s Mum said something amongst those lines. I don’t know I might be grasping at straws.

I loved all the Sinnoh/DP references earlier in the episode and to be honest I was focusing more on the Dawn and Chloe side of the episode rather than the boys (sorry Ash and Goh).

Chloe and Dawn:

Now I’ll be honest, I love Chloe for me personally she’s one of the stronger aspects of the Journeys series. However, in this episode, she annoyed me a little bit. From my point of view, one of the more subtle ways Chloe has developed after catching Eevee was that she learnt to relax and embrace being a kid primarily because of Eevee. This development was highlighted in the Glimwood Tangle episode where Chloe ended up playing with the group of Impidimp. If it had been Chloe from 20 or even 30 episodes before she may have handled that situation completely differently. Whereas, as of late she’s learnt to relax and have fun which at times was something I could have done when I was her age. 

Anyways, I’m going on a tangent once again. I just thought the whole argument with Dawn was rather pointless, I didn’t understand the need to create any conflict when they were getting on perfectly well beforehand. That was kind of my biggest gripe on the girls’ side of the episode. 

On the other hand, they also set up a good opportunity for Chloe to grow which I kind of hope they take. Another issue, I’ve been having with the Journeys anime is that they set up some great plot lines or potential development and fall through on delivery or never act on it. One aspect I loved about episode 63, was that they were setting up an interesting way for Chloe and Eevee to develop or find a goal by meeting other trainers that own an Eeveelution and learn why they chose that particular form. They could have even set up Ash getting in contact with May or Serena to talk to Chloe about Glaceon and Sylveon. But the writers never followed up on the potential storyline after episode 63, which is so frustrating.

This is why I’m hoping with Dawn’s influence Chloe actively begins to at least try things out to learn what is a good fit for her. This was an issue with Serena as well, before discovering Pokémon Performing, she didn’t really actively try out other things like battling as much. Even, Ash gave Contests a go and ended up developing some of his best strategies from those experiences such as the Counter Shield and the Ice Aqua Jet. Considering, Pokémon is an anime targeted towards children, it would be a good message to send, to at least try something once rather than not trying at all.

Climax:

Following their (unnecessary) argument and battle with a sleep-deprived Rhydon, Chloe and Dawn come across the injured Cresselia from the beginning of the episode. Going back to the Rhydon, in the original Darkrai film they did expand on Darkrai causing Pokémon to fall asleep and have nightmares but I can’t recall if the Pokémon were affected in Sleepless Pre-Battle. It was an interesting and small touch that I liked about the episode (also poor Rhydon).

The preview for the next episode shows Chloe calming Cresselia or at least gaining Cresselia’s trust, and it made me think again this might be me just grasping at straws. But perhaps Chloe has some sort of affinity with Psychic-type Pokémon because we had that whole weird vision aspect (that was again never addressed) in the Glimwood Tangle episode where Chloe had that vision of Galarian Ponyta and Rapidash. I don’t know, that’s a theory I just developed that probably won’t pan out.

Conclusion:

All in all, it was a decent episode to come back into for Journeys. If I’m honest if they were promoting the DP remakes, I’m surprised they didn’t try to do anything that focused on the Creation Trio rather than the Lunar Duo however the Creation Trio did play a huge role in the DP films and Dialga and Palkia in the original anime so perhaps they wanted to give more spotlight on the Lunar Duo or even hint at Tobias’ return with Darkrai? 

If I’m completely honest I’m concerned about the pacing for the next episode as this arc is only meant to be two episodes, this episode did do its job of setting things up. In my opinion, it could have been faster in some areas, they could have even shown a Contest in this episode and have Dawn and Chloe meet in that way. Given in the next episode the two groups will meet up and attempt to defend Cresselia from Team Rocket and I don’t think they’ll have much time to show off anything Contest-related which is a shame because Contests were my absolute favourite aspect of the games and anime. 

If this were a three-episode arc maybe they could have used this episode to focus on Chloe and Dawn, next episode focuses more on Ash and Goh finding Darkrai have the groups meet up and then the third episode half-battling and half showing off contests. I don’t know this is just me throwing some ideas out there. As I think Journeys just has a huge issue with pacing for some reason and this episode was sort of slow in some areas and as I mentioned I’m worried the next episode is going to be really rushed.

But overall, it was a decent episode and I’m hoping we’ll get to see the rest of Dawn’s team next episode as I love her Pokémon to bits. Also, Pikachu and Buneary reunion, please!!!

(And I may watch this episode again with proper subtitles)

#pokemon journeys #pokemon #pokeani #analysis #i know this is a little late

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

Disability and Loren

@zarohk asked for my thoughts on a Disability Studies/Media Studies perspective on the disability depictions in Animorphs.  Which was foolish, because I’m teaching an entire dang class on the subject of superheroes and mental health, so I have Many Thoughts.  [PLEASE NOTE: I am nondisabled, so if I err, please tell me so.]

Loren’s role in #49: The Diversion does a lot of things right, and a lot of things wrong.  She incurs a traumatic brain injury that results in memory loss and blindness a couple of years after Tobias is born, and lives with said injury for about ten years before Tobias finds her and gives her the ability to morph, which restores her sight but not her memory.

A few places where I commend the depiction of Loren:

It gets into the massive underemployment of disabled Americans.  Loren is smart, canny, athletic, compassionate... and working a call center job in exchange for state benefits.  Said state benefits do not afford her a decent standard of living; Tobias notes that she has few possessions and almost no time for leisure activities.  Americans with disabilities are twice as likely to be unemployed as those without, and those who do have jobs are ten times more likely to be paid less than minimum wage, e.g. in sheltered workshops.

It shows how inaccessible a lot of systems are in the U.S.  Tobias notes that Loren accidentally grabs an expired quart of milk — because nothing on the label is printed in Braille.  Putting raised text and/or Braille on food packaging is a health and safety issue, one that the U.S. ignores even though it violates its own laws (e.g. the ADA) because companies tend to do what they want and “what they want” is usually not to spend more money on packaging.  The call center and bus system are both marginally more accessible, especially when Loren has Champ to help, but they’re still clearly spaces set up for sighted people that don’t take blind users into account very well.

It shows some of the workarounds that help deal with accessibility problems.  Loren’s house is set up so that there are clear paths to and from all of the relevant spaces.  She’s doing that to allow herself to move around comfortably in that space, because she’s made it accessible for herself.  She memorizes the layout of the local store, and uses that to get around as well.  All of those details help show that she’s adjusted, and actively interacting with her own circumstances.

It drives home the difference between service dogs and pets.  This distinction is extremely important, and it gets ignored all the time by entitled ableists who want to bring their pets into stores.  Tobias and Marco both assume from the outside that it can’t be that hard to become a service animal — just do what Loren says to do, right? — but it takes Tobias 0.02 seconds to realize that it’s not that simple and that he cannot imitate Champ’s lifetime of training on the fly.  He says that he manages to get his mom home in one piece, and that that’s about all that can be said for his sad performance as a guide.  Champ has skills like ignoring interesting smells and applying exactly the right amount of pressure to the harness that most pets don’t have and also most pets can’t learn.  Champ is not a pet, at least not while he’s in that harness; he’s a gainfully employed expert assistant.

It rounds Loren out as a character, and definitely does not just make her into a lesson or problem for Tobias.  Loren is gently humorous, tolerating her coworkers’ teasing and Ax’s attempted juvenile delinquency with an eye-roll.  She’s compassionate, listening to other people’s problems on the phone with genuine concern and not swatting flies if she doesn’t have to.  She’s tough-minded and stupidly brave, chucking rocks at Visser Three’s head and flying at attack helicopters as a three-pound bird.  She’s fallible, unable to support Tobias emotionally even when he asks her to do so and unwilling to check in on him after leaving him with her sister.  She’s a fully rounded person, one whose personality is informed but not defined by her disability.

It talks about some of the unromatic aspects of a Traumatic Brain Injury.  Too often in other works of fiction, we see a person get bonked over the head and wake up with no episodic memory but all other brain functions intact (*cough* Rachel in MM1 *cough*).  Loren actually gets into the fact that she forgot huge chunks of language, forgot how to brush her teeth, forgot how to walk across a room.  She obviously lost her sight as well, and she mentions lifelong balance and coordination problems.  Even her amnesia isn’t absolute — she has some traces of recall, but can’t make anything coherent of her impressions.  Her injury isn’t 100% realistic, but it’s more so than many TBIs we see in fiction.

It focuses on the intersection of disability and social class.  Tobias notes that Loren is under a compounded threat because of her inability to move to a more secure neighborhood and her obvious vulnerability.  He feels a lot of disgust with himself when he and Marco and Ax are harassing Loren, because it’s so clear that this isn’t the first time she’s been harassed.  Tobias understands that his experience with poverty as a nondisabled male minor is different from Loren’s for those reasons.

A few places where Loren falls into the common traps of implied ableism creeping into fiction, as written about in Narrative Prosthesis: 

She gets “cured.”  Loren falls into the “kill or cure” dichotomy, like most of the other disabled characters in Animorphs.  In her case, it’s that she gains the power to morph and in the process regains the ability to see.  It isn’t a complete cure, true — she still has no memory — but it means that she’s no longer blind for the rest of the series.  Having the occasional character no longer be disabled sometimes isn’t automatically problematic; having every disabled character get either “fixed” or killed off inherently treats the disabled body as a problem that needs to be solved, through sci fi nonsense if no other way is available.

She implies that she’d rather die than continue to be disabled.  When injured by dracon burns, Loren initially refuses to morph out even though Tobias tells her she’ll die if she remains a bird, because (they both assume) to morph out is to return to her blind human body.  This moment buys into the stereotype that it’s better to be dead than disabled, again inherently devaluing the lives of actual blind individuals.

There’s a certain amount of mystery around how she became disabled.  It’s interesting that we never actually get a definitive answer on that one — Loren says she was told it was a car crash, but there’s also an implication that she was attacked by controllers, and we don’t know for sure.  However, the fact of her disability is treated as an aberrant state that needs to be explained, the book inherently asking “why are you like this?”  By contrast (for instance) she doesn’t ask Tobias “why are you in the body of a hawk?”

She views herself as a burden, and the narration doesn’t do enough to contradict her.  Loren says that she couldn’t possibly be expected to raise a child while also blind and coping with a TBI.  Real blind people raise kids all the time, however, including blind single parents, and it’d be nice to see some evidence in the story that Loren’s assumption is wrong.  Loren also apparently assumes that she can’t begin to play a role in Tobias’s life even now that Tobias is more self-sufficient, again because she views herself as relatively helpless and non-contributing due to her disability.  There are some hints that she’s wrong, but we don’t really see her either begin to contribute to the resistance or build a relationship with Tobias until after she’s become un-blind.

Tobias’s view of Loren is often pitying.  As much as Loren doesn’t initially view herself as a potential maternal figure to Tobias, he doesn’t view her as a potential mentor either.  He repeatedly expresses horror or sadness at her life circumstances, and assumes that her life must be barren due to the spartan nature of her home.  (Of course, that begs the question of why the hell a blind woman living alone would ever bother hanging pictures on her walls or putting doilies on her coffee tables, but Tobias doesn’t consider that angle.)  Again, Tobias is allowed to assume that her life must be meaningless if she’s disabled, but it’d be nice to see some contradictory evidence in the form of her having close friends or inane hobbies or some other proof that to lead a disabled life is not to automatically lead a lonely one.

Loren expresses bitterness and desperate desire to be nondisabled.  Again, it’s fine for any character to say “I wish my life was different,” and it’s a common consensus among blind writers/bloggers that being blind is often a pain in the butt.  However, views as extreme as “you need vision to have a fulfilling existence” or “vision is part of what makes us human” are ableist crocks of shit.  Loren doesn’t go so far as to espouse those extreme views, but she also doesn’t seem to view herself as having a well-rounded life in spite of her disability.  It’d be nice to see Loren talking about sight as handy or enjoyable or a thing that the designers of 99% U.S. environments assume everyone must have, rather than a necessary precondition for a minimum standard of life.

Loren’s disability is somewhat medicalized.  Same caveat as above: disabilities are by definition medical things that some bodies do or have that other bodies do not.  However, discussing disability primarily through “this is how your body is different from Implied Normal of Nondisabled Body” and focusing on doctor’s notes, diagnoses, physical differences, etc. can serve to disconnect the lived experience of the individual from their body.  It also tends to focus on the ways that the body is “the problem” rather than focusing on the ways that environments and attitudes are problematic, which then prevents anyone from asking hard questions about the environments and attitudes.  Loren’s doctor’s note, discussion of scarring and loss, and repeated physical descriptions are somewhat more medical than social.  It’d be nice to see a little more emphasis on the social factors that make blindness a disability (e.g. improperly labeled milk), and less on “your eyes are different from those of Implied Normal Nondisabled Person.”

#animorphs #animorphs meta #long post #loren fangor #ableism #disability studies #disability representation #accessibility #social model of disability #animorphs criticism #blindness representation #49 #the diversion

[jadelotusflower]

November Roundup

Some writing success this month - I finished and posted a new chapter for Against the Dying of the Light, and made progress on The Lady of the Lake and Turn Your Face to the Sun. I didn’t work much on my novel, but I did do some editing on the first third so that’s progress.

Words written this month: 6647

Total this year: 67,514

November books

Girl, Woman, Other by Bernadine Evaristo - joint winner of the 2019 Booker Prize (with The Testaments by Margaret Atwood) this was an engrossing and interesting read. Stylistically unusual formatting and scant use of punctuation that is a bit jarring at first, but you quickly adapt as you read. There’s no plot as such - instead the story is formed by vignettes of twelve black women and their disparate yet interconnected lives. We have mothers and daughters, close friends, teachers and students, although the connections aren’t always obvious at first - we can be exposed to a character briefly in the story of another with no idea that she will be a focus later on. It’s very skillfully done, to the point whereupon finishing I wanted immediately to re-read (but alas, it was already overdue back to the library). There is so much ground covered that we are really only given a glimpse into the characters lives, but there is a diversity of intergenerational perspectives of the African diaspora in the UK, and I highly recommend.

The Evening and the Morning by Ken Follett - after finishing The Pillars of the Earth I had intended to read the sequel, but this was available on the library shelf and I had to place a hold on World Without End, so the prequel came first. Set sixty years before the Conquest (150 before Pillars) it primarily addresses the growth of the hamlet of Dreng’s Ferry into the town of Kingsbridge, through the lives of a monk with a strong moral code, a clever and beautiful noblewoman, and a skilled builder, working against the machinations of an evil bishop. Sound familiar? This is Follet’s most recent work, and I do wonder if he’s running out of ideas as this covers very similar thematic ground.

Ragna is a compelling female character, but once again the romance-that-cannot-be with Edgar is tepid, Aldred is a very watered down version of Prior Philip, and there’s no grand framing device such as building the cathedral to really tie to all together (although things do Get Built, and it’s interesting but not on the level of Pillars). This is the tail end of the Dark Ages and it shows - Viking raids, slavery, infanticide - and while it seems Follett’s style is to put his characters through much tragedy and tribulation before their happy ending, I wish writers would stop going to the rape well so readily. But at least the sexual violence isn’t as...lasciviously written as in Pillars? Scant praise, I know. But Follett’s strength in drawing the reader into the world and time period is on display, made even more interesting in this era about which we know very little.

Women and Leadership by Julia Gillard and Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala - I have a great deal of respect for Julia Gillard, Australia’s first female Prime Minister who was treated utterly shamefully during her tenure and never got the credit she deserved, perhaps excepting the reaction to her iconic “misogny speech” whichyou can enjoy in full here:

Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala was the first woman to be Minister of Finance and Foreign Affairs in Nigeria, was also the former Managing Director of the World Bank, and currently a candidate for Director-General of the WTO.

This is an interesting examination of women in leadership roles, comparing and contrasting the lives and experiences of a select few including (those I found the most interesting) Ellen Sirleaf, the first female President of Liberia, Joyce Banda, the first female President of Malawi, New Zealand’s current Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern, and of course, Gillard and Okonjo-Iweala themselves.

November shows/movies

The Vow and Seduced: Inside the NXIVM Cult - I’ve been following the NXIVM case for a while now, when the news broke in 2017 I was surprised and intrigued that it involved actresses from some of my fandom interests - Alison Mack (Smallville), Grace Park and Nikki Clyne (Battlestar Galactica), and Bonnie Piasse (Star Wars). Uncovered: Escaping NXIVM is an excellent podcast from that point in time that’s well worth a listen. There’s been a lot of discussion comparing these two documentaries and which one is better, but I feel they’re both worthwhile.

The Vow gives a primer of NXIVM as a predatory “self improvement” pyramid scheme/cult run by human garbage Keith Reniere, from the perspective of former members turned whistleblowers Bonnie Piasse, who first suspected things were wrong, her husband Mark Vicente who was high up in the organisation, and Sarah Edmondson who was a member of DOS, the secret group within NXIVM that involved branding and sex trafficking. Seduced gives more insight into the depravity and criminality of DOS from the pov of India Oxenburg, just 19 when she joined the group and who became Alison Mack’s “slave” in DOS - she was required to give monthly “collateral” in the form of explicit photographs or incriminating information about herself or her family, had to ask Mack’s permission before eating anything (only 500 calories allowed per day), was ordered to have sex with Reniere, and other horrific treatment - Mack herself was slave to Reniere (as was Nikki Clyne) and there were even more horrific crimes including rape and imprisonments of underage girls.

Of course each show has an interest in portraying its subjects as less culpable than perhaps they were (there were people above and below them all in the pyramid after all) - Vicente and Edmondson in The Vow and Oxenburg in Seduced, but what I did appreciate about Seduced was the multiple experts to explain how and why people were indoctrinated into this cult, and why it was so difficult to break free from it. This is a story of victims who were also victimisers and all the complications that come along with that, although I’m not sure any of these people are in the place yet to really reckon with what happened and all need a lot of therapy.

Focusing on individual journeys also narrows the scope - there are other NXIVM members interviewed I would have liked to have heard a lot more from. There is also a lot of jumping back and forth in time in both docos so the timeline is never quite clear unless you do further research. I would actually like to see another documentary one day a bit further removed from events dealing with the whole thing from start to finish from a neutral perspective. The good news is that Reniere was recently sentenced to 120 years in prison so he can rot.

I saw value in both, but you’re only going to watch one of these, I would say go for Seduced - if you’re interested in as much information as possible, watch The Vow first to get a primer on all the main players and then Seduced for the full(er) story.

The Crown (season 4) - While I love absolutely everything Olivia Coleman does, I thought it took a while for her to settle in as the Queen last season and it’s almost sad that she really nailed it this season, just in time for the next cast changeover (but I also love everything Imelda Staunton does so...) This may be an unpopular opinion, but I wasn’t completely sold on Gillian Anderson as Thatcher - yes I know she sounded somewhat Like That, but for me the performance was a little too...affected? (and someone get her a cough drop, please!) 

It is also an almost sympathetic portrayal of Thatcher - even though it does demonstrate her classism and internalised misogyny, it doesn’t really explore the full impact of Thatcherism, why she was such a polarising figure to the extent that some would react like this to her death:

But I suppose it’s called The Crown, not The PM.

Emma Corrin is wonderful as Diana, and boy do they take no prisoners with Charles (or the other male spawn). I was actually surprised at how terrible they made Charles seem rather than both sidesing it as I had expected (but perhaps that’s being saved for season 5). It does hammer home just how young Diana was when they were married (19 to Charles’ 32), how incompatible they were and the toxicity of their marriage (standard disclaimer yes it’s all fictionalised blah blah). The performances are exceptional across the board - Tobias Menzies and Josh O’Conner were also standouts and it’s a shame to see them go.

I was however disappointed to see that the episode covering Charles and Di’s tour of Australia was not only called “Terra Nullius” but the term was used as a very tone deaf metephor that modern Australia was no longer “nobody’s land/country”. For those who aren’t aware, terra nullius was the disgraceful legal justification for British invasion/colonisation of Australia despite the fact that the Indigenous people had inhabited the continent for 50,000 years or more. While the tour was pre-Mabo (the decision that overturned the doctrine of terra nullius and acknowledged native title), there was no need to use this to make the point, especially when there was no mention at all of the true meaning/implication of the term.

The Spanish Princess (season 2, episodes 4-8)- Sigh. I guess I’m more annoyed at the squandered potential of this show, since the purpose ostensibly was to focus on the time before The Great Matter and give Katherine “her due” - and instead they went and made her the most unsympathetic, unlikeable character in the whole damn show. (Spoilers) She literally rips Bessie Blount’s baby from her body and, heedless to a mother’s pleas to hold her child, runs off to Henry so she can present him with “a son”. I mean, what the actual fuck?

I’m not a stickler for historical accuracy so long as it’s accurate to the spirit of history (The Tudors had its flaws, but it threaded this needle most of the time), but this Katherine isn’t even a shadow of her historical figure - she’s not a troubled heroine, she’s cruel and vindictive, Margaret Pole is a sanctimonious prig, and Margaret Tudor does little but sneer and shout - the only one who comes out unscathed is Mary Tudor (the elder), and it’s only because she’s barely in it at all. It’s a shame because I like all of these actresses (especially Georgie Henley and Laura Carmichael) but they are just given dreck to work with.

This is not an issue with flawed characters, it’s the bizarre presentation of these characters that seems to want to be girl power rah rah, and yet at the same time feels utterly misogynistic by pitting the women against each other or making them spiteful, stupid, or crazy for The Drama. I realise this is based on Gregory so par for the course, but it feels particularly egregious here. (Spoilers) At one point Margaret Pole is banished from court by Henry, and because Katherine won’t help her (because she cant!) she decides to spill the beans about Katherine’s non-virginity. Yes, her revenge against the hated Tudors is...to give Henry exactly what he wants? Even though it will result in young Mary, who she loves and cares for, being disinherited? Girlboss!

This season also missed the opportunity to build on its predecessors The White Queen/Princess and show why it was so important to Henry to have a male heir - the Tudor reign wasn’t built on the firmest foundations and so needed uncontested transfer of power, at the time there was historic precedent that passing the throne to a daughter led to Anarchy, and wars of succession were very recent in everyone’s memory. At least no one was bleating about The Curse this time, which is actually kind of surprising, because the point of the stupid curse is the Tudor dynasty drama.

But it’s not all terrible. Lina and Oviedo are the best part of the show, and (spoilers) thankfully make it out alive. Both are a delight to watch and I wish the show had been just about them.

Oh well. One day maybe we’ll get the Katherine of Aragon show we deserve - at least I can say that the costumes were pretty, small consolation though it is.

#november roundup #long post

[mahalkitajohnnysuh]

Cool Off (Part II)

After the giggles come the tears again, and here is the second and final installment of this brief series. 

Expect a lot of depressing music here too, so if you’re up for those, I hope you’ll like my recommendations. 

Here's a photo of a young Johnny playing in front of the piano as a fitting teaser.

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :) 

–––

Summary: Read Johnny cope with Essie’s short-lived disappearance as he sings the most heartbreaking songs that she loves. 

POV: Keeping it up with 3rd person. 

Word count: 943 words 

Warning: There’s nothing that you haven’t read yet in other stories, but Italics are for thoughts and lyrics. Mostly the latter though, because I went ham with that one. 

Recommended listening: The titles of the songs are mentioned in the story, so I’ll add them at the end of the story for your listening. Feel free to suggest songs of the same caliber – I would appreciate it so much! 

–––

Since Essie hasn’t returned from her self-imposed exile, Johnny has been on his piano a lot. He usually played depressing hits late at night, probably during times when he couldn’t fall asleep due to the situation. Although Mark hears him play from the comfort of his room, this time he was able to catch his hyung hunched over the keyboard in the living room as he sang his heart out to ‘The Songwriter’ by Father John Misty.

What would it sound like if you were the songwriter

And you made your living off of me?

It was heartbreaking to see Johnny struggle with his performance, whether he was aware that someone was watching him or not. Mark bit his lip as he watched his housemate from a dark corner, crossing his arms repeatedly until he felt comfortable with his position.

Goodbye little songbird, now you’re free

Don’t forget I’m the only fan of yours who has the sense to ever leave you be

How could do this to me?

That last line broke the older guy as he stopped playing and cried for what seemed like an eternity. Mark was glued to his spot, trying not to cry with his hyung.

Never has he seen Johnny so broken over someone, and he wished that Essie would come back soon. However, even if she does come back, it would either be to resume the relationship or cut it off completely. He hoped that it was the former because Johnny will never be the same again.

What would it sound like if you were the songwriter

And loving me was your unsung masterpiece?

The six-footer stood up after finishing the song and returned to his room. It was Mark’s cue to return as well, and he found it hard to sleep after hearing that soul-crushing song.

It got more depressing after that – Johnny sang ‘Without You’ by Tobias Jesso Jr. at three in the morning, which the younger guy remembered was the most straightforward depressing song Essie ever heard. Maybe that’s why he’s playing it, he thought while he lay on his bed.

Why can’t you just love me?

Should I move on or should I wait?

And how’d you get so high above me?

I reach higher every day

But nothing changes

No, it all just stays the same

Mark heard his hyung’s voice break when the chorus came, and he couldn’t help but cover his ears a bit out of secondhand embarrassment and hurt.

I can hardly breathe without you

There is no future I want to see without you

I just don’t know who I would be without you

There is nothing out there for me without you

Without you

Once Johnny was done playing, his crying was the next sound that permeated the whole apartment.

The last song that Mark heard from his hyung before Essie returned was ‘The Ultracheese’ by the Arctic Monkeys, which he knew the couple adored. The band was one of the things that brought them closer, and it was during their concert that Johnny realized he was in love with Essie.

The song was not as depressing as the previous ones, but it still sounded painful as the older guy sang with all his hurt.  

Still got pictures of friends on the wall

I suppose we aren’t really friends anymore

Maybe I shouldn’t ever have called that thing friendly at all

This time, Johnny was able to compose himself and not let his emotions get to the best of his singing. Mark closed his eyes to savor his hyung’s rendition since it was not always he heard him cover a song like this.

Oh, the dawn won’t stop weighing a tonne

I’ve done some things that I shouldn’t have done

But I haven’t stopped loving you once

The croon at the end made the song more melancholic than it is, and the sole audience made his presence known by clapping loudly.

Johnny whipped his head to look at Mark, who was silently crying as he continued to clap. “That was amazing, hyung,” he said, slowly approaching the performer.

“Thanks, dude,” Johnny whispered, looking away from the younger guy. “I miss her so much. I wish she’ll come back now.”

“She will. You’ve just got to be patient.”

“It’s been almost two months, Mark Lee. I’m worried that she has moved on with another person. She should let me know if we’re going to continue this or not, you know?”

Johnny’s voice was starting to break again, and Mark went to his side to comfort him.

“I’m sure she will. Maybe she’ll be back tonight. I can feel it.”

His words proved to be true as the girl returned a bit past after midnight, reeking of cigarette smoke.

Mark was speechless as she popped into his room first and asked him what had happened since then.

“Noona, I’m happy you’re back and all, but please don’t cause any more trouble to your relationship with Johnny hyung by talking to me first,” he said, hoping that his honesty will not be taken against him.

“I’m sorry, Marky. But I wanted to return with a surprise. Is he asleep now?”

He took a deep breath first before responding. “Please, noona. You can surprise him now if you want. I’m sure he would be happier if he was the person you talked to.”

“Sheesh, no need to be grumpy with me, Mark,” she chuckled. “And I’m sorry again for this. Okay then, I might as well surprise him now. Thank you.” With that, she went to Johnny’s room, and they made up for lost time with tears and snuggles.

–––

FIN

#nct drabbles #nct au #nct fanfic #nct fanfiction #nct johnny #nct mark #nct u mark #superm mark #johnny suh #mark lee #johnny suh angst #mark lee angst #nct angst #johnny suh scenarios #johnny suh imagines #mark lee scenarios #mark lee imagines #johnny drabbles #mark lee drabbles #johnny suh au #mark lee au #nct johnny au #nct mark au #nct mark lee