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The Crossroads [DLC Trespasser]: Elven Mountain Ruins ,  Forgotten Sanctuary; Vallaslin Removal Chamber and Hidden Armoury
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In the time of Elvhenan, this valley was a sanctuary created by Fen'Harel to give shelter to elven slaves. He rejected the divine mantle himself and taught the refugees the truth about the Evanuris in the surrounding towers. In the Forgotten Sanctuary, Fen'Harel removed the vallaslin, giving the now free slaves the chance to join his army in order to fight back against the pretender gods.
[This is part of the series “Playing DA like an archaeologist”]
[Index page of Dragon Age Lore]
The Vallaslin Removal Chamber
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Here, we find one of the murals of DAI [I make a deep analysis of all the murals in “Murals in DAI”]. For now I can say, briefly, that I’m not so sure if this one was made by Solas. 
We know his technique is not unique, it belongs to the ancient elves [proof of this is given by the archivist Banon of Skyhold in The Rotunda and the Fresco]. Technically, any educated elf of the past could have done it. 
We already saw how much of a romantisation of Fen’Harel was done in the mosaics of Fen’Harel’s mountain ruins, so this mural may perfectly be part of them as well. My main argument to put in question this is that we never saw Solas draw himself in the way he is presented here, so I’m a bit sceptical about his authorship.
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This mural pictures Fen’Harel as a person wearing a wolf cape and a fine robe. The intricate patterns of the fabric makes him look more important, more “Evanuris”,  when he usually draws himself with the same kind of robes than the slaves are wearing: a black and green simple robe. I think there is an intent of idealisation of Fen’Harel by making his outfit fancy and more elaborated.
The figure is covering his face with a wolf mask [so, technically, anyone can take this role] and removes the vallaslin of the slaves. To me, this figure represents, ironically, a “priest” of Fen’Harel, a representative that embodies Fen’Harel’s (romanticised) ideas and shares and applies the power that Fen’Harel himself gave them [aka, the spell to remove the Vallaslin]. This figure could be a mage that knows the spell and removes the Vallaslin in groups of recently arrived slaves. 
We saw the removal of the Vallaslin in the romance scene of Solas: it’s a mere spell that doesn’t need any great material or fashion to perform, it’s easy and doable if you know the spell. Another extra detail to support this suspicion is the figure’s staff. That’s not Solas’ staff.
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We know his staff from his tarot card (number 1), it is a kind of a “halla profile” with a very messy set of horns. In the mural of the red lyrium idol, he painted his staff (number 3) closer to the design of 1 than 2.  Staff 2 seems to be a generic branch made into a staff. 
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Continuing with the mural, the elves come from a blue water pool which contains inside the shape of an elven orb.The water is drawn with undulating blue lines that can represent mere water, or lyrium pools [if we want to link this to The Horror of Hormak]. These waters are a product of the Evanuri’s power: from these waters, the elves come out, slaved and branded. Similar undulation can be seen in the vallaslins coming out of their faces, and in the borders of the aravels, giving us some hints to point out to The Horror of Hormak. These undulating lines appear too in the spheres of the Mural of “The Creation of the Veil” that we find in the Shattered Library. The relationship between undulating lines, orbs, and vallaslin seem to be rather consistent, and I trust this interpretation more than others.
Now, something that I will owe, because I have no idea about yet, are those white drawings over the heads of the elves. No clue what those could be.
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For some unknown and unsettling reason, this mural has the face of the The Strange Idol repeated four times, with its mouth stained in (dry, I assume) blood. We have seen this exact circle with his face in Emerald Graves: Din'an Hanin and in Emerald Graves: Din'an Hanin, Elandrin’s Tomb. One of these heads holds the brazier from where you can cast Veilfire. 
Does this have any meaning? I’m not sure. We are not sure who this figure represents yet. The furthest we reached was Elgar’nan, thanks to the description in Signs of Victory as I commented in Ancient Elven codices; Vir Dirthara and thanks to the name of the zone [Elgar’nan’s bastion] where we find his statue in the middle of Elandrin’s Tomb. But we don’t know who named this place like that, so we don’t have anything truly reliable to identify this statue. So far, we can only suspect it to represent Elgar’nan, while some Tevinters considered it Dumat. More details about this unsettling figure can be read in The Strange Idol.
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The Inquisitor and their companions make remarks about this mural: we are introduced here to the concept that the Vallaslin was a different kind of mark [this knowledge is only truly known by female inquisitors who romanced Solas]. For more details, check the post about “Murals in DAI”.
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To activate the statue of Fen'Harel, we have to solve a small simple puzzle.  Curious detail, in front of the Sitting Fen'Harel statue we find a Stone in Razikale-Ceremony-style. This combination of elements will be repeated along the Crossroads and the small pocket worlds we visit: The stone that gives us a clue to solve the puzzle of the Sitting Fen'Harel statue is a Stone in Razikale-Ceremony-style. Mere reuse? I'm a bit lost with this stone since it appeared in the Fairel's burials. More about this stone was discussed in Razikale Ceremony and Dumat’s Warrior tablets.
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Once we solve the puzzle, Fen’Harel statue moves, opening the entrance to the basement. We have access to the last mosaic:
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It narrates what we saw in the previous mural: the removal of the vallaslin. For more details, read Ancient Elven codices; Fen’Harel’s mountain ruins.
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As the mosaic disappears, it gives us access to the Hidden Armoury, where we see the arsenal of weapons that the rebels had to fight against the Evanuris.
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In the Armoury, we read a report left by a qunari agent about an elven artefact in the box laying between Fen'Harel's paws. However, if we return to it and inspect it, we realise it is not elven [this shows how little Qunari know about elves and elvhenan craftsmanship]. Here we find Arrowwood which is associated with ... well, many things.
It speaks of a Ciriane tale, an alamarri tribe from which Andraste comes from.
We don't know the race of the main char of the story, we assume is human [but we know that the Alamarri have been mixing with other races without much problem, so they could be a half-dwarf].
He removed his heart to have mastery in the bow. There are two stories related to a creature that removes their heart: Korth, and the story that the elves narrate with the mural of the Titan: “The Death of a Titan”
This char shot the Sun, causing eternal night. This concept links him with Elgar'nan who fought the Sun or pushed it down into the earth depending on which unreliable story you based this on.
The queen of the Ciriane [called gothi] sent a messenger to the Witch of the Wild to stop him.
Depending on the story, the messenger never found the Witch and made a deal with a demon. Or worked for the witch and her daughters for a year. Or found the Lady of the Skies. In all three versions, we can interpret the same: the messenger found Flemeth [since she is an abomination with certain anomalies she qualifies as a demon for many tales. She is a also a witch of the wild, and she has a big potential to be the Lady of The Skies in some shape or form]
In all cases, the messenger received a coil of silk that he used to replace the string of the bow of the Arrowwood.
When Arrowwood tried to use the bow, his heart shattered and he became dust.
The queen took the weapon, encased it in an iron chest, and dropped it in the Nahashin Marshes.
Now, how and why a weapon of Ciriane nature, that has some resemblances with titans, Korth, and Elgar’nan, ended up in an ancient elvhen chest, from a time before the arrival of humans to the world? If it's not an elven weapon, it makes no sense for it to be here. And one can argue that this could be similar to the case of finding the Chapter ??? of Hard in Hightown in the Lower Archives, but I feel that such chapter makes more sense as a way for the devs to tell the players that whoever was left in the Fade, died in peace. It’s closure to a narrative. Now, this doesn’t make sense in that way either. One could assume this is just pure game mechanics and thinking too much about it is wasteful. It’s a good weapon after all.
Hidden Armoury
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The first thing we see when walking downstairs is, besides all the weapons, a curious statue of two birds in a strange amalgamation. So far I'm aware, we never saw similar statue anywhere in the game [I tend to overlook Orlesian stuff, but I feel this statue would have got my attention anyway] .
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It's two birds [maybe ravens due to their beak?] joined by their backs, and struggling to fly. The first idea that came to me when i saw it for the first time was the two ravens of Dirthamen: Deceit and Fear [if we indulge in the unreliable Dalish tales]. But it makes little sense. It's true that Dirthamen is present in this sanctuary more than we have expected, and he is also present in the first tower where we enter [ the Vine-covered Tower]. But what would be the meaning of placing his ravens, fused, in the armoury? This symbol here escapes me.
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This place is filled with elvhenan weapons and armours [similar to the ones we saw Abelas and his elves wear in the Temple of Mythal].  
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We find in addition to more Dalish supply boxes, Hallas statues that we know in game have been used by the Valmont family to create a system of locking doors in the Winter Palace, and three different kinds of rugs: 
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One red and black, with geometrical patterns and small "fishes" in it. It's a rug we can find in Skyhold under the basic option [meaning, Skyhold may have had a link to the activities done in here]. On its corners we see two small dogs [?] attacking a simple-horned halla/deer.
There are smaller rugs in the rooms, featuring stars of 12 points. These rugs are the same ones we saw in the Temple of Mythal, placed in front of the Mosaics, giving the idea of being used to kneel and pray.  And a last carpet that, in a first impression, seemed to be Chasind, but it is not. It is an old red carpet which has a border pattern that looks like a half-sunburst [similar to the Chantry symbol indeed].
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In terms of drapery, we find two main options: the typical Dalish drapery, with the "mask" that in DAO represented Mythal, with a pattern of spherical trees on the background.  And the second drapery that caught my attention was a series of ragged, discoloured flags hanging along the entrances of the armoury. It had a very curious symbol on it that I retraced. I've never seen this design. It looks a bit [with a lot of will] like "tentacles", which is not a big thing in DA series anymore, since in DAO the option of making the Old Gods as strange Eldritch creatures was removed due to the limitations of the engine or to add dragons instead. 
This symbol, however, appears in another place: in Skyhold, when you pick the basic decoration. Once more, it seems that Skyhold and this hidden armoury may have had some link in the past. Who knows if some of the broken eluvians in this place may have been related to Skyhold long ago. We also know that Skyhold was used by elves long time ago, and suffered strange damage, specially in the section of the jail, that the game leaves it free of any explanation [Prison Structural Evaluation]. At the end of Trespasser we know that Skyhold was Solas’ fortress at some point, so the link with this armoury is not that strange anymore. 
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The eluvian to gets us out from this Armoury is flanked by two archer.
Extra Details
Along the exploration of these ruins, we find details worth mentioning.
The purple fire
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In some parts there is a purple fire that, no matter what you do, it kills you. The only way to cross it is through powers that provide you invulnerability for a while, one of them is the use of discharge of the Anchor. What this means lore-wise?
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This fire is visually the same kind of fire that the Archdemon from DAO breathed and it’s now Solas’ current power. I fear so much to connect excessively things that are unrelated, but on the other side, DAI in particular has proven to be such a detailed game, that something of the like, so visual, has a good chance to be intentional. I’m not going to say that Solas is an archdemon, because we still don’t know what truly is an Old God [the non-corrupted version of an archdemon]. We only know that Urthemiel was worthy to be protected according to Mythal’s actions, so the relationship of these powerful elvhen mages with these old dragons is not clear yet but the relationship seems to exist. 
The design in general
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I like the design of the Elvhen banner and how it relates to Dalish and Tevinter design. That the Dalish banner is a more elaborated version of the Elvhen banner is not a surprise to anyone. It’s the same object with some extra “orlesian-like” ornamentation that can be justified for the years of coexistence between the Ancient Dalish and the Orlesians in the Dales, before the Exalted March. 
However, I think it’s worth noting how Tevinter design is, yet again, based on Elvhen design, specially the one related to arcane. Tevinter banner has a shape on its top that resembles an oversimplified raising dragon [like the symbol of Emerius, ancient Kirkwall] but it also can be seen as a thicker and compressed version of the top of the Elvhen banner. Both of them inspired, at the same time, by the shape of a dragon or an owl extending its wings. 
This comment is not meant to relate crazy lore stuff, but it is basically to highlight how the design of these objects is also related to the History they represents, and who co-opted what. Dragon Age Inquisition is such a detailed game in terms of design that, for that reason, I’m doing this extensive comparison and studies of the statues and art we see in it. It’s not mere whim, they truly worked a lot on this stuff. The director art and the artists who worked on this game, REALLY thought a lot how real life civilisations base their design, culture, and religion on previous ones, modifying them or mixing them with others, to the point that it’s hard to identify the original inspiration. And I’m truly convinced that DA series is a lot about the exploration of this concept in many levels and cultures. 
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kenneturner · 1 year
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Neighborhood Ravens
A Raven Couple Lives In Our Neighborhood — Image by kenne  The Hills of Cualann In the youth of summerThe hills of CualannAre two golden horns,Two breasts of childing,Two two of light. In the age of winterThey are two rusted swords,Two waves of darkness,Two moons of ice. — Joseph Campbell
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cataclysmcrows · 8 months
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big fan of when grief drives characters to do fucked up things that are ultimately pointless and do more harm than good rather than just like. going to therapy
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koobiie · 9 months
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cyborgs!!!!!!!!!
bonus bb and chopper -
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sea-buns · 2 months
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Brennan's "I don't know, man" and "I have never broken Zac like this" and then Zac/Gorgug back-diving out of the nest is so EXTREMELY reminiscent of their dynamic in The Ravening War. Particularly when Brennan was like "Zac did not say one line that I did not fully break and laugh at" and then, separately, Zac/Colin's freefall into the poison after Brennan's infamous "For the first time in his life, Raphaniel understands sexual arousal."
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to-be-a-dreamer · 10 months
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It's not even a Neverafter screenshot but Zac Oyama is never going to beat the cat allegations for the rest of his life
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doodleswithangie · 11 months
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"I'm starting to feel like no secret was worth this."
[Image Description: Two-page comic of a scene from Dimension 20's The Ravening War, featuring Thane Delissandro Katzon and Colin Provolone. Alt text is provided and copied below the cut. End ID.]
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Page one: Quichéi peers into the mouth of a dark cave and says, "Wait a second," and sees a faint glowing light. He says to the Deli and Colin, "Who has the balls, huh?" and heads in. Deli says to Colin, "Colin. You said it before." Colin says, "I said we have balls, but is this balls?" Deli says, "Aren't you curious?" Colin replies, "I'm curious, but I'm not curious for what this group might do in there."
Page two: Deli looks to Colin and says, "What does that mean?" It cuts to a grayed out flashback, of Karna telling Deli, "Kill it." Deli stoically lifts his spear to stab the fungi creature as a disturbed Colon asks, "What are you doing?" In the present, Colin - spattered with the remains of Queen Pamelia - answers Deli, "I think you know what it means."
End Copied Alt Text.
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scalpho · 11 months
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zac oyama PCs and kindness unbefitting of their station, of themselves. colin having violence as basically his only skill but refusing the kind of violence they committed under the fda's orders and deli's pursuit of it that follows; lapin casting fly on theo instead of himself, a moment where he could have guaranteed himself an out but instead chose to better the rest of the party's chances, ending in his own death; pib being a trickster spirit (and thus should be a certified piece of shit) but having all his trickery guided and motivated by his ultimate goal to help - to help his friends and whatever pathetic men he decides to take under his wing along the way. does anyone understand what the hell i'm talking about over here
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talesfromthecrypts · 2 months
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Ravenous (1999) dir. Antonia Bird
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wildflowercryptid · 1 year
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now that i've finally gotten into ever after high, i had to draw the destined worsties / star-crossed besties.
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alexandriaellisart · 3 months
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meow
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Vincent Price and Peter Lorre
The Raven (1963) dir. Roger Corman
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How You Turn My World; Chapter 3
As the reality of your situation sets in, you try your best to survive in the Underground... and find a way out. Little do you know though, someone else is trying to find you.
Character; Lilia Vanrouge
Content; Gender-neutral reader, more shenanigans, getting more into the meat and bones of this fic
Content Warnings; Swearing
Word Count; 3.2 K
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 |
Do not put my work into AI - I will push you into the Bog of Eternal Stench
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Your night for the most part was uneventful. The horrid screaming had thankfully went in the opposite direction, away from your tree-top abode. Although throughout the night, little crowds of glowing eyes had amassed at the bottom of the tree, but they made no attempts to reach you. Even though they couldn’t reach you, you couldn’t help but feel unnerved, since all you could see was their eyeshine, and hear them chittering to each other.
Great, they’re probably pointing and laughing at the new fool in town. ‘Oh, look, Jim, a new plaything! Don’t they look stupid hanging in a tree like that? Fufufu.’ But you kept quiet, and just watched them, as much as they did you, making sure they didn’t try any funny business.
They didn’t stay for long though, either leaving due to their curiosity being quenched, or from how boring you were trying to be; silent, and watching, not moving. If worse came to worse, you would have started chucking rowan berries at them; if fae don’t like the tree, they probably wouldn’t like the berries either.
Eventually, the dark night dissolved into the dim glow of dawn, and once you could actually make out your surroundings and it wasn’t just one large mass of darkness, you started making your way down the tree. You were a bit proud of yourself, seeing that you had 1) survived the night, and 2) not fallen out of the tr—
Snap! … you celebrated too soon, since the branch you were using as a foothold gave way, and you tumbled your way to the ground. At least the fall wasn’t too high up, but it still stung like a bitch, and you’d definitely have a bruise; both to your body and your ego.
At least there was no one around to see you eat dirt.
Sighing, you rubbed your eyes, and smacked your cheeks; fighting off sleepiness. Focus; you need to get home. Read the damn book Mr. Sparkles gave you… damn prick is probably gonna call in a favour later…
With a still sore butt, you found a mossy rock that looked somewhat comfortable and sat down, opening up your ‘How Not to Die in Fairyland; For Dummies!’ book (not really the name of it, but it was damn close).
“Chapter nine; how to leave the Underground,” you muttered, flipping to the page. Weird, it’s only one page? 
“While leaving the Underground is possible, it is a task that not many have accomplished. 
Of the possible ways include;
Finding a portal; typically an enchanted faerie ring, or royal portal.
Finding a fae and tricking them into owing you a favour
One should leave the Underground before their thirteenth day. Should you stay beyond thirteen days you will not be able to leave the Underground, and will be a permanent resident.”
You shut the book, taking in a deep breath. What has it been, ten hours? It was hard to tell, the blurring of time. But at least you had a rough time of twelve days to find a portal — or have a fae owe you a favour — and get the hell back home. If worse came to worse, you were not above some benign trickery so you could see your idiots again.
Lilia had arrived home safe and sound, slept in his warm bed, and had some of his … delightful home cooking before he was due back at the castle. And while he was eating the somehow overcooked yet still raw eggs, he couldn’t help but wonder how the little Beastie was doing; how you were doing.
He didn’t technically owe you any favours, since he had given you that handy dandy book — if anything, you owed him, since you did say ‘thanks’ and everything — but curiosity is a fickle thing, and you seemed interesting. Humans typically reacted more when they ended up here, and made no proper moves to ensure that they made it back. But you, the little Beastie? Lilia saw a fire in your eyes, of both ire and determination. You wouldn’t give up easily, and while it was entertaining, he also knew that trouble could, and most likely would, follow wherever you go.
Last time a human like you ended up in the Underground… it didn’t end well (said human nearly burnt the Queen’s labyrinth down to the ground). Hopefully though, you didn’t prove to be as foolish, or as obsessed with fire as the last human. Who knows, maybe you would even escape! If you didn’t though, the court could use a new fool, and you seemed amusing enough to please their majesties whilst not incenting their ire.
“Hmm, wonder if their majesties have felt the intrusion,” Lilia hummed to himself, cleaning up his dishes. He could easily just magic it away, but the trip to the mortal realm had taken a lot out of him, so he was stuck doing some good old fashioned manual labour, not that he really minded. Doing the dishes was better than being digested by some mangy, overweight, cat.
A crack of lightning sounded outside, disrupting the otherwise beautiful and peaceful day. “That answers that question!” Lilia sounded too cheerful for what many fae considered to be a bad omen, as lightning rarely meant a good thing when it concerned the royal family.
A raven came to rest on the windowsill, eyes glowing green; a messenger.
Lilia tapped its beak, letting the message play.
“General Vanrouge, I require you to apprehend the trespasser on our land, lest they taint the soil,” the raven recited Queen Maleficia’s message. “Shall you deem it necessary to use drastic measures, so be it… To call this number back, place a coin into the raven’s mouth. To save this call—”
Lilia groaned, but coughed up a bronze coin so that the Queen didn’t send more ravens to his house on his day off. “Our guest shall be dealt with swiftly, I assure you of that.” Lilia ended his call, the raven blinked, coughed out the coin, and flew off in a ruckus of cawing.
He sighed, and cracked his back. “Hopefully our guest can understand… and not hit me with a broom this time.” With a snap of his fingers, Lilia poofed into his trademark green sparkles, and he was a bat again. Instead of being lost in the mortal realm though, he was off to find you, who was most likely lost in the Underground… hopefully you didn’t get eaten or fell into the bog again, since he doubted the Queen would want a dead(?) or putrid smelling guest.
“Beastie, Beastie, Beastie, wherever could you be?”
“Where the hell am I,” you wheezed. You had been walking for a good bit, since hey, the bog really smelled bad, plus you didn’t want to stick around long enough where the creature that was screaming last night decided to come back and make an appetizer out of you. So, you were walking. Where to? You had no idea, all you knew was that you needed to find a portal somehow, of the mushroom variety, or royally produced.
Currently, you were fighting gravity and making your way up a steep hill, but you knew you would be able to see over the dense forest canopy once you reached the top, and maybe, just maybe, you would be able to make sense of your bearings. Would you know where you were once you reached the top? Pfttt, no, but at least you would know what exactly was around. A sulfuric rotten egg-smelling swamp was one thing, but you wouldn’t be all too surprised if you found out there was a man-eating daisy patch or some other nonsense here.
Finally, you made it to the top of the hill, and you caught your breath before looking out towards the horizon. To the north, the sea of trees continued for what seemed forever. East, the trees made their way into a grassy plateau where there seemed to be a village of some sort in the distance; quaint. South, uh, the swamp, definitely not going back that direction, you’ve had enough of that swamp. And west, a castle, surrounded by a maze.
“An enchanted faerie ring or royal portal,” you muttered, weighing your options.
You had about twelve days left to get out of this place. You could spend those twelve days trying to find a so-called ‘faerie ring’ in the forest since those things were mushroom circles, but the chances of finding an enchanted one seemed to be slim to none. On the other hand, castles usually equaled royalty, which would equal portal. Knowing royals though, they were probably batshit insane. Also, if they felt like you were lying or trying to dupe them? Hey, they could apparently turn you into a slug or some other easily squishable being if they wanted to. And you really didn’t want to be turned into a slug… now at the moment at least.
“Forest,” you looked at the forest, “or castle?” You could also go east, but the grassland didn’t exactly scream portal potential or had any rowan trees (or any trees for that matter). “That is the question. Look for weird mushrooms and maybe get eaten by some critter, or potentially piss off some royal and end up as said critter. Hmmm.”
You groaned, and flopped down to the ground; both options weren’t all that appealing, or even guaranteed that you would find a portal. Rolling over to your stomach, you opened up the book again, seeing if it had anything that could help you make up your mind on the options in front of you.
Scanning over the table of contents, there was nothing about where to find a portal in the woods. There was, however, a handy dandy chapter on fae etiquette, including government specifications… 
You looked up towards the castle again, eyeing the maze. And started coughing out into laughter at your situation. “Pfttt, didn’t I wish that the Goblin King would whisk me away from my life,” you wheezed. “And here I am! In the fucking Underground with a labyrinth?!” Your laughing subsided into a tired sigh, and you set your eyes back towards the castle. “The irony is astounding really.”
At least you didn’t have to worry about some baby being turned into a goblin… right? 
No, no, you only wished for yourself to be taken away, no one else. But would that mean you would end up as a goblin? Fae? Or as some weird pet or servant to a fae? Hopefully not… and at least you had the somewhat credible book that Mr. Sparkles gave you. 
Shit, I owe him a favour though… CURSE YOU SARCASM!!!! 
Well, maybe Mr. Sparkles will cut you some slack, since ya know, you did save him from Grim… but you also did hit him with a broom… and insulted him… I am so fucked, aren’t I?
You eventually got to the entrance of the maze (the labyrinth?), and sat down on a bench outside of it, huffing and puffing. “Does everything want to–” you stopped that sentence, knowing your luck, if you said it out loud, it was bound to happen. “Never mind that…”
“Never mind what?” A voice said to your right.
You shot up and whipped your head around, coming face to face with a door(?) with a face. “I-”
“You never mind!” A second voice said, and on your left was another door, sending its counterpart a dirty look. “You know better than to meddle in such affairs!”
The right door, which was a weathered red, rolled its eyes at its neighbour. “Bah! Curiosity killed the cat-”
“But satisfaction brought it back. I know!” The left door, a brilliant blue, huffed. “Ignore them, they do this to everyone.” They sneered (if doors could sneer) to their neighbour. “Don’t you have anything better to do than trick people?”
Did I just get in between these two during something?
The red door got offended, turning even redder by some means. “Like you should be one to talk! ‘Oh my dear traveller, one of us two doors is a liar and does nothing but lie! Do not let my neighbour fool you!’ It’s the same every single time with you!”
It’s giving bitter divorced couple who for some reason still live with each other—
“I would do no such thing!”
“LIAR!”
“NO YOU ARE THE LIAR!”
You groaned, their bickering was starting to give you an all too familiar migraine. “Will both of you shut up?!”
Both of the doors tch-ed at your remark but stopped their nonsensical arguing, and you rubbed at your temple, easing away the building tension. But they turned their attention to you, looking at you with a mix of curiosity and something else… doors couldn’t be fae… right? The book didn’t say anything about talking doors… could they be portals? It couldn’t be that easy, nothing was ever that easy.
“Did anyone ever teach you any manners, mortal?” The red door huffed, turning its nose up at you. 
The blue door looked at you with a similar expression, “Yes yes, awfully rude you know! Lucky it's just us though, and not the mistress. Oh ho ho! She would turn you into a newt for that!”
I wasn’t too wrong about them turning me into a slug I guess… would a newt be an upgrade in this case? Since they have bones— 
“And you’re a door,” you deadpanned, “you both haven’t been polite either, ya know?” You had better things to do than kissass to two sentient doors, so no, you weren’t going to be polite. “So the sooner you tell me which way to go, the sooner I’m out of your… splinters?”
The doors grumbled but didn’t raise any objections.
“As you may have overheard, one of us is a liar,” they both said at once. “One of us will lead into the labyrinth, whereas the other will lead you back to where you started your journey.” They both chuckled, looking at you with amusement. “It is up to you to decide which is which.”
You looked between the two doors, weighing your options. “And what if I just walk into the labyrinth? What happens then?”
The blue door hummed, “Well, it would eat you!” … why did it sound all too cheerful about that?!
“So I don’t really have any other option then, do I?”
“Nope!~” They both gave you cheerful smiles, and you were half tempted to go off into the woods and find that magic portal by your lonesome. At least then you wouldn’t have to deal with a pair of divorced doors, and a human-eating labyrinth that belonged to some mistress that would turn you into a newt if she felt like you were being snippy with her.
You sighed. Of both the doors, the blue one seemed more sympathetic, whereas the red door was more harsh… “Okay, red, open sesame!”
The red door looked shocked that you picked it over its counterpart, but it opened nonetheless. The blue door grumbled that you had chosen its neighbour over it, but stayed quiet.
When the door opened, all you could see was black. 
“Do you actually lead anywhere?” You threw a rock in, but no sound came out. 
The red door was silent though; apparently, when it was open, it couldn’t talk. And while you didn’t miss the bickering, you really wanted answers, and the blue door wasn’t saying anything either. 
Sighing, you walked forward, hoping that you had chosen the right door. Once both of your feet were over the threshold, light started to filter in. Did I choose right?! But before you got too ahead of yourself, you felt the ground give way under you, and you were falling; falling towards an all too familiar sulfuric-smelling bog. 
“SHI-”
You were back in the bog of eternal stench, and spitting the rotten egg-tasting water out of your mouth again. And this time, Mr. Sparkles wasn’t here to make you magically smell better either. Nope, you were stuck smelling horrible until you could find a change of clothes.
Crawling out of the water, you grumbled and hissed curses towards that red door. Of course, you would end up here again! Why not! Laugh it up, Underground! Laugh it up!
“I hate it here,” you seethed, wringing out as much water as you could from your clothes. 
Shit, the book! But the book was still dry… Fuck you, book. Fuck. You. Of course, the book would stay free of wet and stench, whereas you were now shivering, since the water was frigid, plus you were angry and embarrassed that you had been deceived.
It was no use though just sticking around here lamenting and fuming. So you hoisted yourself up and marched back to the labyrinth; and even though the trip was a good three hours, your anger and pettiness drove you forward.
“YOU-” you hissed, pointing a finger at the red door.
The red door looked at you, looked to its blue neighbour, and then back at you before it started laughing. “I see someone took a little dip-”
You got up in its face, “Fuck you, asshole.” You turned around and marched up to the blue door. “Open up,” you cracked your knuckles, not breaking eye contact. And either your intimidation worked, or your smell was so offensive that the door just wanted you gone; weaponizing the stench works wonders against prissy doors.
“Th-” You remembered your first blunder; do not thank the fae. “You are too kind.” And you stepped through the blue door, which was as dark as the red one, but once the door closed, you didn’t find yourself back in the damned bog. You were now in the labyrinth, and perhaps a step closer to finding a way home.
Lilia found himself in the bog, looking around for the Beastie (you). But they were nowhere to be found, save for a wet spot on the grass and some torn-up moss.
“Ah,” he suppressed a laugh, “they fell in again, I see. Poor Beastie.” At least they’ll be easier to find.
He summoned a glass orb, a looking glass of sorts, and looked inside of it. “Show me the human,” he whispered, sprinkling it with some green magic. “And show me their location.”
The glass orb multiplied into three. The first orb showed a close-up of your face, an annoyed yet determined look on your face. The second orb showed that you were surrounded by hedges. And the third and final orb showed that the hedges were actually the Queen of the Underground’s personal labyrinth.
“… at least they can’t really run off anywhere.” But this wasn’t a great turn of events. Many people, both human and fae alike, had tried their best to navigate the labyrinth. But it was a fickle thing; you had thirteen hours to reach the castle, and if you didn’t within those thirteen hours? You would be stuck within it, as one of the beings that tried to stop trespassers from reaching the castle.
Lilia pinched the bridge of his nose, “Beastie, what have you gotten yourself into?” And he turned into a bat, flying off to try and find you. While the Queen did want you apprehended, Lilia would rather it be with his own hands, and not be held liable for any further actions or decisions you made.
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Tags; @afunkyfreshblog, @cheezy-moon, @eynnwwyjth, @ithseem, @lucid-stories, @ryker-writes, @twistwonderlanddevotee, @xxoomiii
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Author's Note; After a little break from writing this fic, I'm back! I hoped you enjoyed this chapter, even if it was only for the pay-phone/raven and the divorced bickering doors!
If you liked this, do check out my masterlist for more content!
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valiantstarlights · 11 months
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Hob, talking to Dream on the phone while he's grading papers: So the kids (Rose and Jed) are visiting this weekend?
Dream: Yes.
Hob, distracted by the essay he's reading about Marlowe being better than Shitsbeard: Wonderful. Should I prepare some homemade meals for them?
Dream: No. I shall be the one to procure the food and drinks, as you have a late lecture class on Friday.
Hob, still kinda distracted: Oh, thanks, Dream. See you soon then, yeah?
Dream: Yes, Hob.
Hob: Alright, bye, I love you. *hangs up*
Dream:
Dream:
Dream:
Dream, appearing right next to Hob in the Waking World: I am in love with you as well, Hob Gadling. *kisses him on the lips and immediately peaces out*
Hob:
Matthew, who Dream had accidentally left behind:
Hob:
Matthew:
Hob: DID HE JUST--
Matthew: well to be fair you did say I love you to him first
Hob:
Hob: I did WHAT
Matthew: dammit I can't believe he left me behind again
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tri-punishr · 6 months
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blubearberry · 4 months
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based on an au from the discord where annabel is a nerd and lenore a jock
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