#understand and instead of talking to my progress coach about this (ya know like your meant to coz its their job to help) ive just been

[philthepegacornfics]

Limits Part 4

Sam Wilson x Sibling!Reader, Peter Parker x Reader

Word Count: 4.6k+

Trigger Warnings: Possible swearing

A/N: This is the final part to this series! I’m so excited because I’ve actually finished something! Thank you so much to everyone who’s read this. For this final part, I haven’t edited at all... So don’t judge to harshly. Feedback is always appreciated!

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rolling myself into my first class for the day, I see Peter sitting where he was yesterday. Ned sat behind him. It sounded like they were having a conversation about Star Wars. MJ sat next to Ned reading a book. I took my place by the door, next to Peter.

Peter stopped talking to Ned to turn towards me. He gave me a bright smile while some pink dusted his cheeks. “Hey, (Y/n)! How was getting your casts off?”

“It was great!” I beamed. “I started physical therapy right after, and it felt so good to move my legs. Though I am pretty sore today.”

“That’s great!” Peter exclaimed before furrowing his eyebrows, “Er.. uh… Not great that you are sore, but great that you’re able to do physical therapy already.”

“Cool leg braces!” Ned said pointing down at my legs. 

“Thank you! They’re pretty advanced. They’re supposed to help my legs heal quicker.”

“Wicked,” Ned murmured, pondering to himself. 

I could see in Ned’s eyes that he had a lot of questions. Before he could ask, Mr. Harrington walked up in front of us. “(Y/n), Peter, I spoke with Principal Morita. Peter will be excused from detention as long as he is helping you with classes.”

“Don’t worry, Mr. Harrington. I definitely plan on doing everything I can to get caught up on classes,” I reassured him of his decision on pairing Peter and I up.

Just then, the late bell rang. Mr. Harrington looked over the class before speaking loudly to everyone about today’s topic.

I immediately start taking notes. Trying to hang onto every word that Mr. Harrington was saying. With being so far behind, I didn’t want to miss anything else. It wasn’t long into the discussion that I felt someone’s eyes on me.

I looked over at Peter who had a tight grip on his pen. He was looking straight ahead at the white board. Redness covered his cheeks and spread to the tips of his ears. His small freckles stood out.

I made a mental note to ask him later what got him so frazzled. Continuing to look around the room to see if I can see anyone staring at me, I turned in my seat. Ned looked up at me with my movement and gave me a small wave. I nodded with a smile. MJ was still reading her book. Everyone else in the room was focused on different things. Whether it was taking notes, or whispering to the person next to them.

I furrowed my eyebrows and focused back up to the front and went back to taking notes. “I must’ve made it up,” I told myself.

--------------------

“I think we finally got you caught up on our chemistry homework,” Peter said, putting his copy of the textbook down.

“Finally!” I cheered.

“What do you want to work on next? Math?”

“Actually, can we take a break? I’m pooped.”

Peter chuckled and nodded his head. “What do you want to do instead?”

“It’s been three days. I’d like to get to know you better,” I said leaning back in my chair. My hands playing with the pen I was writing with.

“What do you want to know?”

“Yesterday in Chemistry, you looked very flustered. What was that about?”

Peter’s cheeks dusted pink, “Oh, um… it was nothing.”

“Sure looked like something,” I giggled.

“I um, thought of um, something embarrassing.”

“What’s that?”

“Sorry, you have to at least be a level three friend to know.”

“One, I’m offended. Two, what are we? The Sims?”

Peter just laughed at that.

“So, then just tell me about yourself if you won’t tell me that.”

“That’s a very broad topic.”

“Well, what do you do when you’re not at school?”

"I used to be part of the debate team. And, as you know, I play trumpet. I used to be in marching band.”

“Used to?” I questioned.

“I, um,” Peter scratched the back of his head, “I sorta quit so I could spend more time for this internship that I had. But that fell through.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.”

“It’s okay, my own fault really. Now I just practice for the next Decathlon. And Ned and I are building the Death Star out of Legos.”

“Sounds like you pass the time.”

“Yeah. What do you do?” he asked.

“Well, I-” Suddenly the pen I was playing with flew out of my hands and landed on the table. I leaned forward quickly to grab it. Peter did the same, but he was quicker. My hand landed on top of his.

My head snapped up to look at him. His deep brown eyes met mine. My cheeks felt warm as I retracted my hand. He cleared his throat and held the pen up for me to grab it. I took it thankfully and gave a shy smile.

“I, um, I,” I stuttered, “I mostly do physical therapy and watch movies with my friend, Wanda.”

“That makes sense,” Peter nodded his head.

“Kind of speaking of physical therapy, I want to stretch my legs. Would you help me with that?”

“You can stand?” he asked in bewilderment. 

I chuckled. “Don’t tell our gym coach, but yeah. I can walk a little too. It’s very exhausting though. And I can only do so with my braces on.”

“That’s awesome!”

“So will you help me?”

Peter nodded and stood up from his seat opposite of the table from me. I rolled my wheelchair slightly away from the table so there would be room for both of us. Planting my feet on the ground, I took his arm and stood up.

Unlike with Tony helping me pull my weight, Peter didn’t strain at all. It was as if I weighed nothing to him. Feeling his arm muscles through his shirt, I knew that my earlier assumption of him being physically fit was correct.

“Did you want to take a few steps too?” Peter asked.

“Maybe a couple.”

He walked by my side, keeping his arm out for me while I shuffled forward. After we were a couple of yards away from my wheelchair, I had Peter help me turn around.

“I want to walk back on my own,” I declared as a wave of confidence washed over me.

“Are you sure? I can help you get-”

“I can do it,” I scoffed.

“Okay…”

I let go of Peter’s arm and started shuffling my way back. I made it halfway to my chair when my legs started to wobble and burn. Losing my balance, I started to stumble forward. Before I could fall, Peter caught me in his arms. Pulling my back against his chest.

My heartbeat started racing as butterflies erupted in my stomach. I turn my head to look back at him. He was already looking down at me.

“Careful,” he muttered. His breath fanned across my face because of our close proximity.

Heat radiated off of my face as I stared up into his brown eyes. Pink that was dusted across his cheeks slowly became red. What was only a second, felt like an eternity as both of our eyes glanced down at each other’s lips.

“Okay, you two. It’s time to go,” the school librarian said, interrupting Peter and I.

Peter cleared his throat and shifted so I was able to grab on to his arm and he walked me back to my chair.

-----------------

Talking to Sam became rare since the Soviet Accords took place and he became a criminal. He would call occasionally to check on me, to see how I was doing. So, when my phone rang in the middle of the night with an unknown number, excitement coursed through my veins.

“Hello?” I answered cautiously, in case it wasn’t him.

“Hey (Y/n/n), how’s it going?” Sam spoke on the other end.

“Sam!” I cheered quietly so if anyone was outside my room, they wouldn’t be able to hear me.

He chuckled on the other end.

“I’m doing pretty well,” I answered. “Having my casts off has been really nice. Tony made me leg braces that have been helping me with my healing progress. Though, I still get tired after walking a short distance.”

“That’s good. I’m glad Tony’s treating you right.”

“You know he’s not a bad guy, right? He’s just a little mixed up, ya know?”

“I know that. It’s just hard when you’re fighting against him.”

“I’m sorry, Sam. I hope this clears up soon. I miss you,” I sighed.

“I miss you too… So, tell me how school’s been treating you.”

“It’s been pretty good. I made some friends and the teachers have been understanding and have given me time to make up work. One of the friend’s I’ve made, Peter, has been helping me catch up.”

“Oh, so a boy is helping you?”

“It’s not like that!” I squeaked. “Mr. Harrington asked him to help me catch up. Then we ended up having a lot of classes together, so he was kind enough to help me with those too.”

“If he tries anything, just know I’m not afraid to-”

“Sam,” I scolded. “We’re not like that.”

“I know, but-”

“But, nothing. He doesn’t even like me,” I said disheartenedly. “He asked a girl named Liz to the homecoming dance.”

“So he asked this Liz girl before he asked you?”

“Yeah,” I sighed heavily.

“I’m going to kick his ass,” Sam said sternly.

“What why?”

“Because he hurt my little (Y/n/n),” he stated matter-of-factly.

“He didn’t hurt me-”

“Yes he did. I can hear it in your voice.”

“What does it matter? Also do you want him to like me or not?”

“I want him to like you, it only makes sense that he would. I just don’t want him to get any funny ideas,” he explained.

I couldn’t help but laugh at Sam’s logic.

-----------------

Peter had a decathlon meeting after school, so we decided to skip studying for the day. When I got home, Tony informed everyone that the press was here for something that he was announcing.

“What’s the news?” Rhodey asked.

“We’re announcing our newest Avenger,” Tony clapped his hands together before rubbing them.

“Shouldn’t you have talked to me about this?” I asked. “I don’t know if I’m ready-”

“Though announcing the existence of ‘The Avatar’ would be exciting,” Tony cut me off, “I was talking about our friend, Spider-Man.”

“The kid?” Rhodey questioned.

“Based on his voice and mannerisms, he’s only about (Y/n)’s age,” Vision supplied.

“Who are we talking about?” I asked.

“The friendly neighborhood Spider-Man of Queens,” Tony stated matter-of-factly.

“Oh, the one all my classmates are talking about? Who saved them in DC and took down Liz’s dad?”

“Who’s Liz?” it was Tony’s turn to ask.

“Adrian Toomes’s daughter. Ya know, The Vulture.” I stated matter-of-factly back at him.

Tony blinked slowly at me before saying, “Yes that Spider-Man.”

Rhodey chuckled at Tony’s dumbfoundedness. “Does this Spider-Man have a regular name other than Spider-Man?” he quizzed.

“Yes and no,” Tony answered.

“What does that mean?” I asked.

“Secret identity, I would presume,” Vision chimed in.

“Exactly,” Tony said, pointing at him. “I’ll introduce him to all of you later. For now he’s going to remain as Spider-Man to all of you.”

Suddenly Tony’s phone pinged. He quickly read the notification before turning his attention back to us. “He’s here. Who’s ready to meet him?”

Rhodey rolled his eyes and started to shuffle away. Vision walked away and phased through a wall in the direction of his room. That left Tony and I. He looked at me expectantly.

“Let me go change first,” I sighed before rolling myself away and towards my own room.

After changing my clothes and putting my braces back on, I rolled my way to the front of the building towards the press conference room.

Knowing the building decently well, I wasn’t fully paying attention to where I was going. Instead I was admiring the scenery outside of the large windows.

Suddenly a familiar male voice spoke up in front of me, “(Y/n)?”

I look up to see Peter in front of me near Tony and Happy. Behind them was a metal Spider-Man suit. My eyes dart between the three men and the spider suit. Trying to figure out why Peter was here of all places.

“What’re… what are you doing here?” he stuttered. His cheeks were a bright red.

“What are you doing here?” I questioned back, my own cheeks heating up.

“Well, I um… re-remember the internship I told you about that I lost?”

I nodded my head.

“This is it. It’s with Mr. Stark,” he explained.

“How do you two know each other?” Tony asked, gesturing between Peter and I.

“School,” we answered at the same time.

“Wait, (Y/n), is this the Peter you told me about?”

The heat from my cheeks spread to the tip of my ears as I nodded, answering Tony’s question.

“So your Peter is my Peter,” Tony concluded. “Oh, that is funny. What are the odds of that?” he smirked.

“Uhh, what’s going on?” Peter asked.

“Yeah, Tony. What is going on?” I folded my arms in front of my chest.

“What was I saying before, Peter? Oh yeah, your room would be between Vision’s and (Y/n)’s room,” Tony said, ignoring our question.

Peter’s eyes went wide. “You live here?”

“You’re Spider-Man?” I asked with my eyes just as wide.

“Yes, and yes,” Tony answered for us. He turned his attention back towards Peter, “So, what do you say, kid? Be an Avenger?”

Peter looked between me, Tony, Happy (who took a few steps away from us, not wanting to be caught in the conversation), and the suit before answering with, “No.”

“No? What do you mean ‘no’?” Tony asked while both him and Happy looked dumbfounded.

“I think it’d be good to sit back and be, ya know, a friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.”

Tony’s face quickly recovered from looking flabbergasted to looking proud of him.

“Okay… okay,” he said, patting Peter on the shoulder. “Happy will take you home.”

“Actually,” I piped up, “we didn’t get to study today. Would it be okay if he stayed awhile?”

“You have physical therapy,” Tony objected. 

“We can do both,” I shrugged. 

“Okay, he can stay. But, doors open at all times.” Tony pointed between the two of us.

My eyes widened before my gaze shifted to my lap. My face burned more than it did earlier.

I played with my hands as Peter replied weakly with, “Yes, Mr. Stark.”

I turned my chair around and started rolling back the way I came saying, “Let’s go Peter.”

“Right,” he said, taking a few steps before pausing. I stopped rolling and looked back at him. He started scratching the back of his neck. “Did you… um… did you want me to push you? I know that your arms kind of get tired after a while. You can just direct me where to go.”

I gave him a small smile and nodded. He moved behind me and we started going again. We only made it a few feet before Peter paused again. I turned around to look at him to see why we stopped. He was looking back at Tony.

“This was a test, right, Mr. Stark?” Peter called out.

“Yes, and you passed. Good job, kid. Flying colours.” Tony gave a thumbs up.

Peter turned back around looking satisfied and started pushing me again. I directed him back the way I had just come, back to my bedroom. 

“What are we doing here?” he asked, looking around my plain room.

“Sorry, it’s not much to see,” I giggled at his actions. “We moved in not too long ago, and I’ve been too busy and a little preoccupied to decorate.”

Peter looked at my legs and nodded his head in understanding.

“As to why we’re here, my school stuff was in my bag,” I pointed to my backpack in the corner. “I also needed to change for physical therapy.”

“Oh, did you need me to step out? Because I can step out,” he blushed.

“It’s okay, I have a bathroom,” I nodded my head in the direction of the closed door.

“That’s awesome!”

“Yeah, it’s pretty nice. Now, make yourself comfortable while I go change.” I smiled at him.

I could feel Peter’s eyes on me as I made my way to the bathroom door. I reached up and opened it with ease, thanks to practice. Rolling in, I pushed it shut. A small thud echoed in the bathroom from me shutting it too quickly. I grimaced at the noise.

My bathroom had a walk in closet attached to it, so thankfully I didn’t have to gather things with Peter watching me. He would want to help me because that was his nature, but the thought of him going through my underwear drawer to get my swimsuit made me blush.

In front of my dresser I stood up and pulled out two of my swimsuits from the top drawer. The first one was a one piece swimsuit that was a solid (f/c). The second was a two piece that I rarely wore because it showed my mid-drift. It had a (f/c) floral design on it.

I nibbled on my bottom lip, trying to decide. Butterflies erupted in my stomach thinking about Peter seeing me in these. I decided on the one with the floral pattern when a wave of confidence washed over me. 

After changing, I opened the door with some struggle. It was easier to open doors when they opened outward, not inward.

Peter had taken a seat on my bed and was typing into his phone. Anxiety rippled in my chest and I quickly spoke, “You can’t tell people I live here.”

“Oh, I’m not. Ned was just asking me-” his words cut off as he looked up at me. His whole face immediately turned red. “Wow, I mean, I uh,” he cleared his throat. “Ned was asking me about what I wanted to with the Death Star we constructed.”

My face burned from Peter’s reaction to seeing me. “You built a Death Star?” I squeaked.

He scratched the back on his neck before standing up. “Yeah, out of Legos.”

“Cool.”

“Yup.”

Both of us stared at each other in an awkward silence. Just nodding our heads in agreement. After a few moments, Peter cleared his throat again, “Why… why are you wearing a swimsuit?”

“Part of my therapy is to be in a pool.”

A silent “Oh,” came from his lips as he nodded in understanding.

“So, um… Let’s head to the pool, yeah?”

“Right!” He quickly moved and grabbed my backpack for me. He stepped behind me and hung it on the handles to my wheelchair before pushing me as I directed him to the pool area.

--------------------

“So…” Peter started, closing the textbook that was in his lap. He was seated on a bench beside the indoor pool, watching me walk laps in it. “You live here?”

I popped the “P” when I answered with a, “Yup.”

“How did that come about?”

I sighed debating on how I wanted to answer. “If I tell you, I’m trusting you not to tell anyone. You can’t tell anyone, okay?”

“And, I’m trusting you to not tell anyone that I’m Spider-Man,” he countered. “So, we’ll be even.”

“I have powers,” I explained. “As far as I know, I was born with them.”

“What kind of powers?”

“Well… I’m sure that you’ve heard the rumors of my existence. I can control the four elements.”

Peter’s eyes widened as he looked at me, “You mean, you’re ‘The Avatar’?”

A small giggle escaped my throat as I nodded my head.

“I didn’t think you were real! That’s so cool!”

“It is pretty cool, huh?” I smiled at him.

“Way cool! Wait… What happened to your legs then?”

“I wasn’t lying when I said a building fell on top of me during an Avengers squabble. I just left out the part that I was involved in it. We were in Lagos at the time-”

“The fight that caused the Soviet Accords?”

I nodded my head. “Before the famous explosion that Wanda tried to stop, there was an explosion in the building I was in. The ceiling collapsed. Thankfully, with my powers, I was able to stop the rubble before it killed me.”

His eyes glimmered as he looked mystified by my recount of the story. After a moment, he snapped out of it. “Can you show me?”

“Show you?”

“Your powers! Can you show me your powers?”

I pretended to think for a moment about it before splashing water in Peter’s direction. He flinched and held up the textbook that was in his lap to protect his face. Before any of the water could hit him, I held up my hand and stopped the water in its tracks.

After realizing that he didn’t get wet, Peter carefully peeked out from behind the text book. His jaw dropped while he stared at the water droplets floating in the air.

“Wow, (Y/n), this is amazing!” he exclaimed, poking one of the balls of water.

I beamed proudly as I made the water fly back towards me and into the pool. “Your turn!” I clapped my hands.

“My turn?”

“Yeah! Show me what you got!”

“Okay… give me a second,” he said while taking off his socks and shoes. Once he was done with that task, he stood up and asked, “Are you ready?”

I nodded my head excitedly.

Peter swung his arms a bit before suddenly doing a backflip. He landed perfectly on his feet, no wobbling in any direction.

I raised my eyebrows at him. “While impressive, that’s not what I was expecting.”

“What do you mean?”

“Like, cool, you can do a backflip. But, there are people without powers who can do that too. Show me something only you can do!”

He nodded his head in understanding. He swung his arms again before jumping up into the air. Both of his hands touched the ceiling, and he stuck to it. Using his strength, he pulled the rest of his body weight up. Once his feet got to the ceiling, he started crawling around effortlessly. 

My jaw dropped. Not only did he just jump several feet into the air, he was crawling around upside down. I brought my hands together and started clapping. “Wow, Peter! You’re incredible!”

His face lit up and he smiled down at me, his cheeks slightly pink. 

Suddenly an idea popped into my head, “You want to play a game?”

“What kind of game?”

“Kind of like Marco Polo. I have my eyes closed, and you move around the room. I’ll splash water in your direction when I hear you, and you have to dodge!”

“I don’t know… I don’t really want to get wet.”

“Are you saying you don’t think you can win?”

“I can’t really win if there is no objective for me to do.”

I thought for a moment about what he said, and smiled. “How about I only have three shots. If I miss all three, you win. If I get you, I win.”

“And what’s the prize?”

“The loser has to do whatever the winner wants them to do. Either answer a question truthfully or do a favour.”

Peter was silent in thought as he made his way off the ceiling and to the edge of the pool. “Let’s do it!”

“Okay!” I cheered, closing my eyes. “I’ll give you ten seconds to move around wherever you want to start out in the room.”

After counting to ten, I listened intently for Peter’s movements. We stayed in silence for several minutes. Suddenly I heard his foot scrape against the cement of the floor to my left. Not wasting a moment, I sent a bunch of water in that direction.

I could hear the water hit the wall, indicating that I missed Peter. Thinking quick, I sent the water to the ceiling above where I heard him. There was no noise from the boy as the water splashed against the ceiling.

I let out a small curse. I only had one more shot of getting him before I lost. I took a deep breath and settled the water of the pool so it wasn’t making any noise. A few more minutes passed without any noise from Peter. Kneading my bottom lip between my teeth, I started to get nervous.

“Ah-choo!” Peter sneezed from above me and to my right. Sending a bunch of water that direction, I could tell I hit him based on how the water moved and the gasp that escaped his lips.

I cheered as I opened my eyes, just in time to see Peter fall into the deeper end of the pool. I couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled out of my chest when he broke the surface, shaking his head.

“I win!”

“Because you cheated,” he whined.

“I did not cheat!”

“You only got me because I sneezed!”

“That’s not cheating!”

Peter swam over to where I was standing in the middle of the pool. He stopped and stood merely a few inches from me.

“I’ll let you win because I’m such a good sport.”

“Oh, how kind of you,” I rolled my eyes. “Letting me win after I won fair and square.”

“You did not, cheater.”

Exasperated, I stuck my tongue out at him. He just laughed.

“So, Miss Winner, what do you want me to do?” he asked teasingly.

“I want you to answer a question!”

“Oh?” he raised an eyebrow.

“I asked you this before, but you said we weren’t close enough. Now you have to answer it!”

His eyes darted up to the ceiling as he tried to recall what question I was talking about.

“When you got flustered in Chemistry that one day, what were you thinking about?” I reminded him.

“Oh, that question…” Peter scratched the back of his neck while his face turned red again.

“Yes that one, now tell me.”

“I don’t remember.”

“Liar!” I pushed against his chest, but he didn’t move. “You obviously remember, so tell me. You have to!”

He looked down at me. His eyes darted between mine and my lips. His tongue poked out and licked his lips. “You really want to know what I was thinking about?”

“Yes!” I threw my hands into the air.

Peter’s right hand reached out and cupped my cheek. He ducked his head down. My breath hitched in my throat. His lips grazed against mine as he whispered, “This.”

Closing the rest of the distance, his soft lips pressed firmly against mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling my body closer. The kiss tasted of a mixture of mint and chlorine from the pool.

Peter pulled away. His eyes looking deep into mine. My eyes fluttered shut as I leaned towards him, going in for another kiss.

Suddenly Tony’s voice boomed over the intercoms, “Finally!”

Peter and I jumped away from each other and looked around the room.

“Mr. Stark?” he called out.

“Over the intercoms, kid.”

“What do you mean, ‘finally’?” I asked.

“I knew you two would be perfect for each other! You know how hard it was to get both of you in all of the same classes?”

“You did that?” Peter and I asked at the same time.

“Of course I did!”

“What the hell, Tony?” I yelled.

“Don’t curse at me when it worked,” he said back. “Now Peter, before you kiss her again, ask her on a real date.”

“Yes, Mr. Stark!” Peter turned to me. His whole face to the tips of his ears were red. Freckles stood out against his bright coloured face. “(Y/n), would you like to go out on a date with me sometime?”

Though Tony just pissed me off, I couldn’t help but smile at Peter. “I’d love to.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taglist:  @galcalirwin @frontmanash @dontdowhatisayandnobodygetshurt @aneclecticwriter

#sam wilson x sibling!reader #sam wilson x reader #peter parker x reader #spiderman x reader #avengers x reader #The Avengers #marvel

[movienotesbyzawmer]

April 6: Rocky

I have learned that the six Rocky movies (so all of the Rocky ones but not the Creed movies) are available on HBO Max. I was looking for a new watch-and-take-notes-and-post-the-notes project, so yo. Check it.

I've seen all six of these movies. I saw most of this one in the theater, like, back then! I was terribly terribly young! Maybe 7. I remember my friend Greg really wanted to see it, but our parents wouldn't let us. So we had them drop us off to see Capricorn One, but Greg made us sneak in to watch Rocky instead. He was so excited about it he wanted to play-punch afterward, but it hurt and I didn't like play-punch. I also didn't care about the movie. You know what movie is decent, though? Capricorn One. Although the supporting performance from O.J. Simpson might throw ya.

Anyway, since its release the reputation of this movie has remained very strong. It won Best Picture in an extremely competitive year. It is very much the Rocky Balboa of that year's awards contenders! But I'm pretty sure I'm going to be watching this first movie and admiring its scrappiness, then watching the subsequent ones and rolling my eyes at their formulaic-ness.

The opening fanfare sets the atmosphere really awesomely actually.

Oh also I don't care at all for boxing. And yet it seems like the idea of it is good drama fodder, I mean the idea of a sport of just two people punching each other until one of them is the winner at that.

So the first scene is a boxing match in a little church somewhere. Some people are in attendance who apparently like to pass the time watching punching. Rocky is bloody and hangdog. After the fight, which Rocky won, both fighters convalesce next to each other in a back room, kind of indifferently. But we have learned that punch-sport is a part of Christian life.

Rocky walks home through the gritty streets, past his friends who sing rudimentary a capella music on a street corner. They should work on the complexity of their harmonies.

Rocky is home and his home is gritty also. Atmosphere. He has a tank with animals in it. I cannot tell what the animals are. He talks to them. Personality.

He has a mirror he looks at and the mirror is decorated with pictures of Young Sylvester Stallone. They are totally pictures of him as a boy and young man. But Sylvester Stallone was not in character as Rocky Balboa when he took those pictures. It is a little jarring.

At the pet store the next day we are introduced to Adrian. That is the spelling, I checked. She is very very very shy-acting. The director told her to act shy, and she was like OH I'M GOING TO MEET AND EXCEED THOSE EXPECTATIONS.

Rocky's next stop is The Docks. I am surprised that Philadelphia has a dock area with such large ships, but I guess that's real. But I'm also surprised that he's there on the business of being the muscle for a loan shark. I didn't remember about that side of Rocky's complex, complex personality.

That scene just ended with a very 80s-teen-movie moment; a fellow thug rolled down his window and bullyingly yelled, "so long, meatbag!" We feel so bad that Rocky doesn't have the respect of his coworkers in the loan shark gang.

After getting dressed down by his gangster colleagues, he then goes to his gym and there's this whole thing about how the coach guy is so sick of Rocky's boxing mediocrity that they gave someone else his locker. It seems like that wouldn't happen. On his way out, the other boxer taunts him by saying he's pumped to be in receipt of Rocky's locker which is a very fine locker. We saw it, though. It was just a locker.

Adrian again. Broad caricature of an introverted person. I don't buy it maybe. Then a scene in a bar and the conversation with the bartender is also dumb fakey acting.

He later came upon a bunch of jerks on a corner, but among them was an awkward teenage girl that he knows. He makes her leave with him and tries to give him avuncular advice, but that scene ends with her telling him, "screw you creepo!" The exposition of this movie has a very opaque strategy.

0:30:00 - A scene with Apollo Creed does some more very unnatural exposition, setting up the premise that some local underdog is going to get a chance to fight him. This doesn't seem like an acclaimed movie. This seems like a scene in a cheap romance movie where the Handsome Man confesses to his best friend that what he's really looking for in a woman is someone not so pretty.

AC is flipping through a straight-up book, looking for a good boxer to fight on January 1, 1976, to celebrate the bicentennial. I'm a little "wha?" about some of this. He chooses Rocky Balboa because of his catchy "Italian Stallion" nickname and remember because Columbus was Italian so

Rocky and Adrian go on a date. It's Thanksgiving but that happens anyway. It does not bristle with romantic energy. It reeks of social obligations. It seems like the beginning of the kind of loveless relationship your grandparents began in the 1940s in their dustbowl-decimated agrarian community.

They are back at his little shithole apartment and he is a persistent man and I do not root for this relationship.

Things escalated kind of quickly. Rocky got invited to an agent guy's fancy office and offered a chance to fight for the World Heavyweight Championship. The next scene, everyone knows about it and he's on TV. He seems like a dumb lug. How can he possibly succeed. Good job contrasting his character with the big celebrity, though.

Burges Meredith is oddly appealing as this surly, pirate-talking boxer-coach-manager guy. He comes to Rocky's apartment sucking up, and Rocky isn't receptive, I'm pretty much buying BM's different emotions, and Rocky's.

1:11:24 - Pretty sure my friend and I talked a lot about this scene when we saw it back then, he fills a glass with raw eggs and drinks it up. All one shot, baby.

This scene with Paulie, Adrian's brother who is Rocky's friend, I don't like. Paulie is a bad friend. That scene ends with Rocky beating up pig carcasses. They should have just had that part.

His hands are bloody when he punches the meat things. That's his blood, right? That's not like animal flesh?

We just had a very melodramatic scene with Rocky and Adrian and Pauly, and Pauly just went nuts. This time, at least, Rocky and Adrian react to him the way you'd think people normally would.

1:30:55 - Famous training montage. I think as this movie series progresses these montages get more stylish. As it is, it's going for just a rousing moment of "he seems confident as he trains", as the music pumps you up with the profound lyrics, "trying hard now" and "getting strong now".

They have actually explained almost nothing about the specifics of boxing. I realize that now as Rocky says "no one has ever gone the distance with Creed". Which I think means something about going all 15 rounds, right? But the point is that I haven't had to hear much about stuff like that, and I honestly don't mind that.

1:44:30 - Ew, some actually kind of bad stock footage of the crowd at the fight. Oh, but then a cameo by actual Joe Frazier, probably.

As the fight begins I gotta say I have been effectively made to root for this underdog hero. I've been indifferent to most of the movie so far, and I'm indifferent to boxing, but ferrealz I'm excited to watch this fight.

It's cinematic with lots of angles that you don't see when you're watching actual fights (I assume), but also the actual fight-acting by Stallone and Carl Weathers seems like they're getting it right. That can't be easy, right? I mean, it's punching! Faces!

1:54:11 - Oh shit I remember this ahhhhhh his eye his eye, his EYE is swollen shut and he tells them to cut it open! That, like, what? He's going to go back out and fight with his eyelid literally slashed open WHAT

They weren't even that careful doing that slice

I thought they would be relying more on the commentators as narrators to tell us what to feel, but it's really all the cinematic storytelling that is getting it done.

But the aftermath of the fight is like opera, everyone is passionate and yelling and it doesn't work on me as well as it must for most people. I don't even exactly get what the outcome of the fight is (partly because I don't understand boxing). But that's the point, at least a little bit; in the heat of passion he just wants to tell Adrian that he loves her. That works well for this movie. And the way it just ends in that swirl of excitement, no denouement, it's really effective.

So overall there are lots of things about this movie that I don't care for, but there are some things to appreciate. It's not a fancy movie, but it seems like they did a particularly good job with the final boxing match feeling like exciting movie drama while also seeming like authentic boxing. As if I know anything about authentic boxing.

I don't agree that it should have won Best Picture over Network, All the President's Men, and Taxi Driver.

One last observation: looking back, I'm pretty sure that scene with the teenage girl is a result of the observation that the movie greatly lacks females.

(next: Rocky II)

#rocky

[bobasheebaby]

100 New Girl Prompts

So many prompts, most of which are funny. Break at 15 cause it’s mega long.

1 "I'm using my bride/groom card!" — Cece

2 “Can we just take a minute to celebrate me?" — Schmidt

3 “So many emotions." — Nick

4 “I'm totaling my assets. It's really bleak." — Jess

5 “Look at those horny horny hippos.” — Nick

6 “I got mozzarella sticks for fingers." — Nick

7 “Every moment you're on this Earth is a moment I know where you are." — Nick

8 “It is my Secret Santa alias." — Winston

9 “Friend face." — Winston

10 “It's perfectly fine to watch TV all day." — Nick

11 “If I were off my rocker, would I take a weekly selfie with my cat?" — Winston

12 “I can't find my driving moccasins anywhere." — Schmidt

13 “Believe it or not, that's not the first time someone's broken my feeling stick. I have a travel size." — Jess

14 “Put on some pants, or at least some really high socks." — Jess

15 “You like me? You like my personality?" “I was surprised, too.” — Schmidt & Cece

16 "I just wanted to listen to Taylor Swift alone!" — Jess

17 “That's like the president and the vice president not being best friends." — Winston

18 “I'll take the strongest drink you have, and also a wine spritzer on the side in case I don't like it." — Jess

19 “You have the right...to remain hugged." — Coach

20 “If you are for one second suggesting that I don't know how to open a musical, how dare you!" — Schmidt

21 “I was sabotaged by my baby box." — Jess

22 “We are literally the most embarrassing people on the planet." — Jess

23 "It's a weird life, but it's where I'm at right now." — Nick

24 "You gave me a cookie, I gave you a cookie." — Nick

25 “Go put a dollar in the jar right now." — Coach

26 “This is my jam." — Coach

27 “Saturday is a day for sleeping, and damn it, you will not take that away from me!" — Winston

28 “Are we eating or are we not eating?" — Winston

29 "Eating cookies and avoiding confrontation." — Jess

30 “Because it's a great story, and I'm a teller of stories." — Nick

31 “I like being weird." — Jess

32 "This is the worst thing to ever happen to me. I've lived a very fortunate life!" — Jess

33 "I don't like it. It's too much responsibility." — Nick

34 “Are you cooking a frittata in a sauce pan? What is this – prison?” — Schmidt

35 “I hate your mustache because I miss your upper lip.” — Schmidt

36 “He’s/She's got that giant heart that's part compass and part flashlight and he’s/she's just the greatest person I have ever met.” — Nick

37 “Who's that guy/girl? It's NAME." — Jess

38 “Watch your front because we've got your back!” — Cece

39 “Picking lint off of a man's/woman’s sleeve is the most intimate gesture.” — Cece

40 “Blast from the past, how's that ass?” — Jess

41 “I hate this. I just wanna sit around and do nothing, but that is not hot.” “That's hot to me. You add some sweatpants to that and that is better than porn.” — Kai & Nick

42 “Look at that font! What is this? Amateur hour? At least use Palatino.” — Nick

43 “I’m like a sexual snowflake. Each night with me is like a unique experience.” — Schmidt

44 “Where have you been? I am having a major life crisis, and you guys are, what, just driving around, French kissing each other like a couple of Dutch hookers?” — Schmidt

45 “No sig oths.” “Just say ‘significant others.” “Maybe you have that kind of time, but I’m on a tight sched.” — Schmidt & Cece

46 “I know this isn’t gonna end well, but the whole middle part is going to be awesome.” — Nick

47 “NAME, you’ve been staring at this guy/girl for 5 minutes. Please tell me you’re checking him/her out, otherwise you’re a serial killer. Which would explain a lot.” — Schmidt

48 “This is a horrible neighborhood. There are youths everywhere!” — Schmidt

49 “Guess whose personalized condoms just arrived!” — Schmidt

50 “I’m really gonna need you to step it up tonight, okay? When I see you, I wanna be thinking, ‘Who let the dirty slut out of the slut house?’” — Schmidt

51 “Can someone please get my towel? It’s in my room next to my Irish walking cape!” — Schmidt

52 “Have you seen my sharkskin laptop sleeve?” — Schmidt

53 “Don’t pretend to know my pain.” — Schmidt

54 “Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Probably.” — Nick

55 “I don't know what I'm doing emotionally or -- let's be honest -- sexually.” — Jess

56 “What if I have some idea of love in my head and it’s just totally wrong?” — Jess

57 “Life sucks. And then it gets better. And then it sucks again.” — Nick

58 “I like getting older, I feel like I’m aging into my personality.” — Nick

59 “You know, sometimes I feel like I’ve never really felt love.” — Winston

60 “When you care about somebody you do what's best for them even if it sucks for you.” — Schmidt

61 “Old people freak me out. With their hands and their legs. They’re like the people version of pleated pants.” — Schmidt

62 “I’m gonna have to run all the way home, and I have my slipperiest loafers on.” — Schmidt

63 “Downstairs neighbour put a password on their wi-fi.” — Nick

64 “You were denied a cell phone because you have the credit score of a homeless ghost.” — Schmidt

65 “I’m only attracted to guys/girls who are afraid of success and think someone famous stole their idea.” — Jess

66 “This place is fancy and I don’t know which fork to kill myself with.” — Nick

67 “Without sex, he’s/she’s not your boyfriend/girlfriend. Okay? He’s/She’s a friend you buy meals for.” — Schmidt

68 “I feel like I wanna murder someone. And also, I want soft pretzels.” — Jess

69 “So when I do the chicken dance, I do it a little differently. Instead of doing claps, I like to do a peck. It’s more realistic.” — Jess

70 “NAME doesn’t have a life plan. He/She doesn’t have a day plan. I once found a note that he/she wrote to himself that said, ‘Put on pants.'” — Jess

71 “I don’t want to kiss and tell, but I ruined my dresser during intercourse. Will you go to Ikea with me?” — Jess

72 “Can I get an alcohol?” — Nick

73 “I want to kill you, because I respect you. NAME! I think I understand hunting!” — Nick

74 “Look, we’re not trying to be mean. We just don’t want you to be yourself… in any way.”

75 “I have decided to give up on men/women and put all of that energy into tomatoes.”

76 “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? No, a summer’s day is not a bitch!” — Nick

77 “I only wanna make a drink a coal miner would want. Straight forward. Honest. Something that says, ‘I work in a hole.'” — Nick

78 “I’m not convinced I know how to read, I’ve just memorized a lot of words.” — Nick

79 “I like chipmunks more than squirrels.” — Nick

80 “I can’t believe I’m the sober one. That’s actually never happened before in my life.” — Nick

81 “Beans are nothing but soggy nuts.” — Schmidt

82 “Can I interest you in some white noise?” — Winston

83 “Those are pickles in progress.” — Winston

84 “Who’s talking to you, Depression-era garbage man?” — Coach

85 “I need everyone to shut up.” — Coach

86 “Your asses belong to me now.” — Coach

87 “That’s what’s up, that’s what’s up. No doubt. Diggity.” — Coach

88 “I hate when Schmidt cries. He sounds like a ghost singing ‘Hey Ya.'” — Coach

89 “I’ve made out with half of the guys/girls in this room.” — Cece

90 “You always see the worst in people.” “Yeah, because people are the worst.” — Jess & Nick

91 “I’m sorry we’re not going this weekend.” “But It’s free.” “Did you say free?” “Yeah.” “We’re 100% in. I’ll go pack now.” — Nick & Jes

92 “I’m going to end up alone. I’m going to be a single old man/lady flashing people on the subway.” — Jess

93 “I’ve got two perfectly good forks on the end of my arms.” — Nick

94 “If we needed to talk about feelings they would be called talkings.” — Nick

95 “When you question my pajamas, you make me question our entire friendship!” — Jess

96 “Why can’t I have the things that I want?!” — Schmidt

97 “Bathtubs are medieval filth cauldrons.” — Schmidt

98 “They don’t hate me because I’m old. They hate me because of my personality.” — Schmidt

99 “It’s like you’re ripping the side block out of my mental Jenga.” — Schmidt

100 “I’m not actually quite sure how to stop this.” — Schmidt

#new girl prompts #new girl quotes #writing prompts #dialogue prompts #drabble prompts #jessica day #nick miller #cece parekh #winston bishop #winston schmidt #coach #long post #read more

[survivingyellow]

I Defeated the Wizard

I know that most likely no one reads my blog anymore because I am not very active on here. Which sucks because I really do have the heart to write. Just not all the time I would like to have. On that note, if you are currently reading this, I am happy that you are tuned in. I am happy you are alive and breathing. I am so relieved that you haven’t given up on me and my failed attempts at being consistent. And lastly, I appreciate all or even just little old you sitting on the other side of this screen. A lot has happened lately. Things I would really like to update you on so you know that I haven't just been out here dillydallying around. So let’s get started.

It’s been so long since I've talked to you all that I literally only have 4 more months back home until I drive up for my final summer in NY. But since I have been home, I was living alone in one of the houses that my parents owned and were renting out to me. But I was never home and one of my closest friends wanted me to move in with her and her boyfriend. So I did, I met a pretty cool guy named Jay that was her neighbor and we would sit on the back porch almost every night and smoke together. It was definitely nice to have someone to talk to and build a friendship with. I also started to party a little too much to try to keep up with all of my friends, even though I would much rather be sober to be able to drive my car and smoke a cigarette. Instead of drinking so much that I called Jvans a half of a dozen times to tell him how much he hurt me before I went to boot camp. (uh, rough). Still working on the food truck, coaching my nieces soccer team with Claire, and still trying to figure out what the fuck it is that I would like to start pursuing in life to actually get this thing up and running’. 

Things were going pretty good, but I realized just how much I think I hate having roommates. Because when you move into a house or apartment or whatever it is, with your best friend and her NEW boyfriend- they want their space. They started to not want to hangout with anyone. Isolating themselves because of their own insecurities. While still (I believe unknowingly) taking advantage of me and how much I would do for them because I supported them each and every way I possibly could. By the end of me living there, I had started talking to Alberto, who is also now my new roommate (literally). Not gonna lie, things have not been easy dating him the past few months. But just like anything good in life, it takes hard work. Berto is amazing, but just like any real person in this world, he has his problems. We have days where we fight, days where we love, days where we just don’t talk- but still know that the other person is always there if we need anything. We plan on moving to California hopefully within a year or so and have started to save up for it. Living together hasn't been easy (especially because we are still kinda new) But we are taking it day by day and not rushing into anything crazy right now. Because we are both gonna live for a very long time, and honestly... I know for damn sure that I am going to be spending a very very large portion of my life with him by my side if not all of it. So hurting all those times, crying into my pillow, or screaming at my steering wheel, being self conscious in public while I'm by myself and I was around couples... all of those times where worth it. Because I’m walking outta of the dating game with the biggest prize of them all. (A while back I wrote about a boy named David Bell, and how he is super busy so he would never have time to read my blog posts- I want to correct myself by saying that if a person doesn't have time to pay attention to the little things that you love- don’t. waste. your. time. babygirl.// Oh, and lemme tell you that David Bell did in fact. waste. my. time. thanks for the lesson though buddy :) Because Beto, I love the fuck outta you big boi. And that, my friend... that is never going to change. 

I have experimented with psychedelic's and started to understand myself a little more, I believe. Been studying wicca, working real real hard on my art, and smoking a lot to keep from trying to rush through life. (Progress, ya know?)

In the past few months I have met a lot of new people, some that I am super super happy came into my life, some that I feel like I could have went my whole life without knowing, and some that I know life would be hard to live without. I started to work at a restaurant until 2 days in when I had an epiphany that just because I have always worked in the food business- doesn't mean that I have to do that my whole life. And that no, I might have not been dealt with great cards. I may have just skimmed through to get my diploma and never applied to colleges. While I may not have had parents to help me out financially or the determination to do it on my own until now. But just because the past is definite, doesn't mean the future is. Make it your own. Make it different. (damn I sound like a Disney ad) But honestly, that’s all you can really do. I wake up now with a promise of hope to myself that everyday I will practice my arts and passions. To create my life as an artist, as a flexible, free, billowing soul. Held back with no restraints and ready to take on the world. Take your dreams seriously and get back up. You only have so much time left here before you don't get to dream anymore. 

The world is such a hard place. With so many bad people in it. People that drain you, that make you feel worthless. With times that are going to literally suck the life out of you. But because the world is a hard place, it just means you have to work 10x harder to get to where you want to go. That means that I quit that expediting job and hired myself. Taking 4-5 hours a day instead of picking up extra money, I am investing on myself and dreams to finally try to get this fucked up life back on track. I am always going to have a job on Poppy’s (as long as I keep a good attitude) as long as it exists that is. So I might as well take the cards that I was dealt with and use them well. I am going to make it out there, I have to. 

Now, I’m not using all of these experiences and excuses but as you can see, I have been a little preoccupied. And yes, there have been a lot of times lately where there is no one in this entire world that I would like to talk to other than to sit down and talk to you guys one on one. But just haven't had the strength, courage, will, or power to do so because I have just been so. fucking. broken... 

But I’m here now, and that's what matters. Struggling together like real adults. And as a growing, passion filled, beautiful, young adult with stars in her eyes, a crazy ongoing life, and enough love in her to keep the world runnin’ I encourage you to never. not once. give up on becoming the person that you are meant to become because your energy was strong enough to be created, and your dumb to think that death is even slightly equivalent to the strength it would take to kill your soul. I know what you are. And With that being said, I hope you all take this and stride. Contributing to making our home (earth) a better place, sharing your experiences, stories, and love with everyone you get the chance to help, and taking all these dumb dog food problems like a champ, getting back out there to get your prize, insistently trying to prosper on your own and killin’ it all with your bad self

Till Next Time

-Jance

[stevie-steven-stevington]

wake up and smell the coffee

@badthingshappenbingo

Fandom: MCU Prompt: Dissociation Characters: Steve Rogers, Tony Stark Warnings: Dissociation and mild panic attack Word count: 3.3k

Generally speaking, Avengers meetings are not boring.

It's kind of hard for meetings to be boring when everyone on the team is constantly clashing, constantly butting heads on any and every issue. The arguing is annoying, to say the least, but Tony is beyond used to it at this point. He's come to expect it.

This time is no different. They haven't gotten to the yelling yet -  he's sure they will eventually - but they've been going back and forth for the past half hour and nobody has been willing to compromise.

Oddly enough, the de facto leader - Captain Freedom himself - has been silent.

Tony doesn't notice at first. There's so many voices in the room that the lack of one doesn't register very easily. But there's only so much senseless squabbling he can take, and Rogers generally drags the team down from the ledge.

"Hey, Cap," Tony says, and all eyes turn to him. "You usually have an opinion - a wrong opinion, but an opinion nonetheless. What's your take?"

Steve doesn't turn his head. Doesn't respond. Doesn't even blink.

Huh. Okay.

Across the room, Sam Wilson leans forward, elbows resting on the table, and says, "Steve? You alright?"

Still nothing.

Holy shit. Holy fucking shit. This just in - Steve Rogers, the Steve Rogers, has issues just like the rest of them.

Because Tony knows what this is. Even if the other don't recognize it right off the bat, Tony does. He's been in Steve's place more than enough times to know when someone is dissociating and Rogers has clearly lost it. The only question is just how far gone he is.

Judging by his complete and utter lack of reaction when Natasha waves a hand in front of his face, he's pretty far gone.

Well. Tony can handle this one.

Not to brag, but this is his area of expertise.

"Guys, guys, hey." Tony looks between Sam and Nat, because he knows that they trust him as an Avenger but that doesn't mean they trust him with Steve. He's just glad Barnes is out on mission right now so he doesn't have to deal with his overprotectiveness too. "I can handle this one - been there, done that, got the t-shirt, y'know?"

Nat nods pensively. Sam just squints at him.

Tony rolls his eyes and tries his best not to look too gleeful (Captain Perfect has a flaw! A flaw! And not only that, it's a mutual flaw!) as he moves to Steve's chair.

It's entirely possible that the method he knows won't actually work. The two of them manage to be incompatible on pretty much everything else, so it's entirely possible that what works for Tony won't bring Steve any closer to Earth. But nobody else has stepped up to the plate yet, and Tony's default philosophy is, in fact, what would Rhodey do?

Rhodey's the one who usually talks people (Tony, sometimes Barnes, occasionally Bruce) down from these sorts of things, but he's busy being an Air Force Colonel so it's Tony's turn now.

Tony kneels down next to Steve's chair. "Alright, Stevie. How d'you feel about joining us back in good old reality?"

Steve's gaze stays locked on a random spot on the wall. He's tense, practically rigid, and Tony wonders if it's this disturbing when he dissociates.

No touching until given permission. No loud noises. No panicking. No added stress.

"Everyone, get out," Tony says, careful to keep his voice low. There's a noise of protest and he shoots a glare at Sam. "The more people are around, the more stressful it'll be for him. I've got this, alright? Go away. Quietly."

A long moment passes in which no one moves. Some of them are clearly reluctant to leave him alone with Steve, while others just keep looking between him and Sam like they're watching a tennis match.

Natasha puts a hand on Sam's shoulder. An entire conversation seems to pass between them in the space of five seconds, despite not a word being spoken; after, Sam gives a begrudging nod, throws one more look to Tony that says fuck this up and we're going to have a problem, and walks out with Nat at his side. Everyone else shuffles out after them.

He's sure they'll all be standing right outside the door, but he'll take it.

"FRIDAY, dim the lights by 40%." Not enough to plunge them into darkness, but enough to ensure it’s not accosting Steve's senses. "Okay. Alright. Steve, buddy, you're dissociating. I know you're not really processing anything right now, but we're gonna fix that, yeah?"

In most cases, Tony is way too out of it to catch the specifics of what Rhodey says until he's already come halfway back down, but he knows the gist.

Narrate everything. Tell them who they are, where they are, what's going on, and anything else you can think of. Give them simple statements, basic facts to latch onto. Assure them that they're safe and that you want them to come back.

Once they've regained partial awareness, walk them through a coping exercise. Engage their senses, engage their brains. Make them interact with not only you, but also their surroundings. Repeat as many times as necessary for them to find their way back to reality.

"Your name is Steve Rogers," Tony starts, entirely more gentle than he thinks he's ever spoken to Steve. The next logical step is his age -  a quick calculation tells him that Steve, at this point, is exactly 102 years old, if they're including the time he spent in the ice, and...Jesus fucking Christ, that doesn't exactly seem like the thing to bring up. Instead, he says, "It's Tuesday, October 6th, 2020. You're Captain America. You're an Avenger."

He could be imagining it, but Steve's eyes do seem to deglaze, just a little.

Steve's story is a fucking minefield, though. Especially when he's not even sure what triggered this episode, if anything, so he doesn't know what pieces of information would end up making it worse instead of better. And if he makes it worse, Sam will come for his kneecaps.

"You're at the Avengers tower, in the conference room. You're sitting in a chair. I'm - Tony Stark is talking to you." Steve's fingers curl on top of the table. Progress. "I'm gonna keep talking to you until you can understand what's going on. You're safe. It's just the two of us in here. I'm not going to hurt you; I won't even touch you unless you say it's okay. I need you to come back to me, though, if you don't terribly mind."

Would cracking jokes make things more real for Steve or would that be in bad taste?

Bad taste, he decides. "We miss you back in reality, man. We were trying to come up with a plan for our next mission and we could really use your input. I know it's a lot, but you'll be alright. I'll be right here, Steve. You're okay."

Steve blinks quickly, the haze that had settled over his face clearing just enough to confirm that Steve is, in fact, still in there. Tony watches him glance around, gradually beginning to recognize his surroundings.

Eventually, his head turns to Tony, eyes darting over his face. His brow furrows as if he's not quite sure who he's looking at. Voice strangely hoarse, he says, "Tony?"

Tony gives him a bright smile. "Yep, you got it. How ya feeling?"

"I...huh?"

"Yeah, alright." Never in his life did Tony think he'd see Captain Eloquence so incoherent. "I'm gonna need you to do something for me, Cap. I need you to look around and give me five things you can see, okay? Can you do that for me?”

Steve is practically swaying in his chair, but he does as told. “Uh...the - the table. You. The chairs.”

He talks slowly, like the words are being dragged out of him. There’s pauses between phrases, between words, almost between syllables. It’s hard to watch, especially as someone who’s had to do this exact exercise God knows how many times.

Jesus. Tony’s been putting Captain America on a pedestal for so long that he forgot there’s a man underneath the ridiculous costume. Underneath the star-spangled facade.

He can’t forget anymore, because this - this right here is so irrevocably, irrefutably human.

"The glass," Steve continues, making a vague, half-assed gesture toward the glass of water in front of him. "The water...thing."

In any other context, Tony would snort at that. As is, the new official Avengers term for a water pitcher is water thing. Patent pending.

"Good, that's great, Steve." His knee is starting to hurt from kneeling. He ignores it. "Now, four things you can touch, yeah?"

"The table," Steve says again, after a moment. His left hand pats around while his right comes to rest on his thigh. "My, uh, my jeans."

The hand that's roaming around finds the front of Tony's AC/DC t-shirt and clutches tightly. Tony stiffens - he always does when anyone who isn't Rhodey, Pepper, or Peter touches him without warning - but he lets Steve have this. “Your shirt.”

Steve releases his shirt and then immediately drops his hand right on top of Tony’s head. It takes everything he has not to flinch, breath hitching and both hands curling automatically into fists. He thinks Steve speaks, giving the last thing on his list as your hair, but he’s a little preoccupied.

The hand leaves his hair, but the instinctual fear lingers.

Fuck. Fuck, he can’t do this right now. He can’t panic right now. Steve needs him to be here, fully here, and to be calm and collected and not having a fucking anxiety attack because someone touched him.

His fingernails dig into his palms as he inhales (one, two, three, four), holds (one, two, three, four, five, six, seven), and exhales (one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight). Repeats. Then repeats again. All the while, he can hear Rhodey’s voice in his head, coaching him through it.

He’s okay. Nobody’s trying to hurt him. He’s safe.

“Three things you can hear,” he tells Steve, once his breathing has evened out. He’s gotten good at this, the whole fending off a panic attack thing. “You’re doing really well, Steve, just a couple more, alright? Three things, go.”

Steve’s fingers tap, absently, against his knee. “Your voice. It’s...annoying.”

Tony barks a surprised laugh. Steve’s tone is still bordering on blank, but a hint of a smile crosses his face, making it clear that he’s just teasing, even when he’s barely coherent.

“My breathing,” Steve says. “And, uh - there’s a...bird. Outside.”

So there is. We’re getting there, Tony thinks. He’s not sure if he’s surprised that this is working or not.

“Fantastic. Now, two things you can smell.”

Steve’s breathing is starting to quicken. Typical, really, that they’d both end up on the edge of a panic attack within two minutes of each other. Dissociation and anxiety attacks really do go hand-in-hand, he supposes. He makes no move to touch Steve, still, just places his hand on the table, palm up, and leaves it there.

As hoped, Steve slips his fingers into Tony’s and squeezes and holy fucking shit, that hurts, does Steve not realize that he needs that hand? Tony can’t stop himself from wincing this time, but Steve doesn’t seem to notice anyway, blissfully unaware that he’s cutting off Tony’s circulation.

Which is fine. Totally fine. Tony’s had worse, after all. And it appears to be helping Steve, so there’s that.

But God, Steve is strong.

(It’d be kind of hot if it was...literally anyone else. Steve is attractive, conventionally speaking, but it’s still a hard pass.) “I can smell coffee.”

Full sentences now, huh? Sure, it was only four words, but at least those four words didn’t have choppy pauses between them.

“Last but not least, Cap - one thing you can taste.”

The answer comes in short order this time, weirdly enough - this part is always the one that takes Tony the longest. “Mint.”

Makes sense. Steve drinks mint tea constantly. At meals, at meetings, at random intervals throughout the day. Tony’s gotten so used to the smell of mint in the compound kitchen that he doesn’t even notice it anymore; he’d thought it was annoying until he realized that Steve uses mint tea the same way Tony uses stress balls.

Steve’s grip on Tony’s hand loosens, ever so slightly. He looks...clearer. Sharper. Solid.

He looks, finally, like Steve Rogers.

Tony taps his thumb against Steve’s knuckle and asks, “You with me?”

“Yeah, I’m with you.” He runs his free hand through his hair, then wraps his arm around his torso. “Uh - thanks, Tony. Did I…hold up the meeting?” “Yes.” He sees no point in lying. “But it’s no big deal. We can figure out how to save the world later.”

Steve hums vaguely, but otherwise doesn’t respond.

Tony’s knee is still aching. He lets go of Steve, trying his best to be discreet as he shakes out his hand, then stands and moves to hop up onto the table. Kicks his feet against the carpet and says, “You wanna tell me what happened?”

“No,” Steve says bluntly.

Damn, okay. Not what he was expecting, but...also not surprising when he thinks about it. This is Steve he’s talking to, after all.

On the list of who’s most to least likely to talk about their problems, Steve is pretty low. Below Peter, but above Natasha, Tony thinks.

In all honesty, it’s hard to get anything out of anyone on the team. Whether it’s trust issues or secret agency or just an unwillingness to ask for help, most members of the Avengers have a shit-ton of unresolved issues. Including himself, but at least he’s working on it.

Steve, on the other hand, seems to have no interest in dealing with his shit.

It’s not Tony’s problem. Not on a personal level, at least. He’s not Steve’s therapist. All things considered, he’s barely even Steve’s friend.

But Tony knows firsthand how bad things can get when nobody’s forcing you to talk about your problems (the memories of his birthday party are blurry, but he distinctly recalls shooting watermelons out of the air with his repulsor), so with his infamous birthday party in mind, Tony says, "That's cool. If you don't wanna talk, then fine."

Steve narrows his eyes. "There's a 'but' coming, isn't there?"

"But. In my experience, not talking never works. I've tried it. It sucks. I get it if you don't want to talk to me, but you should talk to someone, if you aren't already. Sam or Nat, maybe. Or a therapist."

"I don't need a shrink, Tony."

Tony holds up his hands, placatingly. “It’s your choice. Just - it’s not the 1940s anymore, Steve. Going to therapy doesn’t make you weak. If you need help, it’s okay to ask for it.” It took a long time for him to realize this. He’s been in therapy off-and-on for seven years now, and he probably should’ve started years before that. But he knew that, with how public his life is, as soon as he stepped foot into the office, everyone and their mother would know that Tony Edward Stark was seeing a therapist.

Eventually, though, the need outweighed his worry about his image.

He half expects Steve to brush him off. After all, Tony brushed off Pepper, Rhodey, and Happy’s first few vague mentions of therapy. And then their next few pointed mentions of it. It wasn’t until the anxiety attacks started that he even considered it, and then it was still months after that before he actually went to his first session.

Steve doesn’t brush him off. Not really, anyway. Slowly, he asks, “Does it work for you? Has it helped?”

“Yes.” Tony leans forward, elbows on his knees. “I go once a week, my therapist is brilliant. She could probably recommend someone for you, if you want.”

“Right…” Steve’s mouth presses into a thin line. “I - look, Tony, I’m not really a therapy kind of guy. I’m glad that it works for you, but I don’t think the whole ‘talking about it’ thing is for me.”

Ah. So he is being brushed off.

Still not surprising. Though when you’ve seen aliens come out of a portal in the sky, accidentally created a robot intent on destroying the human race, and watched your pseudo-son crumble to dust in your arms, nothing is really surprising anymore.

“What set this off?” Tony asks.

“Huh?”

“The dissociation, I mean.”

Steve gives him a blank look. Jesus fucking Christ.

“The - this - the thing that literally just happened. When you were physically here but your brain checked out? That’s called dissociation. And judging by how unconcerned you are about it, I’d say it’s not the first time it’s happened.”

“Oh, that,” Steve says, like the self-satisfied bastard he is. “It’s just zoning out, it’s not a big deal.”

Is he fucking serious? He can’t be fucking serious.

“You can’t be fucking serious,” Tony says.

Steve just tilts his head and blinks up at him. Tony can't tell if the nonchalance is an act or if he's actually being serious. "Why...not? It's really not a big deal, it happens all the time."

He's going to have an aneurysm. That's it, he's calling it. This isn't real.

He knows Steve. He knows this goddamn nerd has done his research. He knows that Steve knows exactly what he's talking about.

Steve has to know this isn't normal. He has to.

"You do know," Tony says, "that that statement is not helping your case, right? It's not just zoning out, and it's sure as hell shouldn't happen 'all the time'. I should know, it's one of the many things I'm working on in therapy."

"The fact that it's a problem for you doesn't mean it's a problem for me." Steve sighs, running a hand through his hair. Tony is so close to choking him. "It's just stress. Being the leader of the Avengers is stressful."

Just because he can, Tony says, "Mm, I wouldn't say you're the leader, per se."

Steve snorts and rolls his eyes. "That's not even the point, Tony."

He's aware. The point is that Steve is totally, completely, 100% fine and does not need help of any kind. Which is the biggest load of bullshit Tony's ever heard. He wonders if Steve has said this to anyone else and actually had them believe it. There’s no way in hell Sam “I run a PTSD support” Wilson would’ve bought it.

Dissociating as a reaction to stress is neither normal nor healthy. It's exactly the kind of thing that people are supposed to get help for.

Clearly, Steve doesn't want to hear it. At least not from Tony.

Fine. But Tony will definitely be keeping a closer eye on him - he's seen too many people spiral into nervous breakdowns (including himself, more than once) to ignore Steve's blatant mental instability, even if Steve himself is content to ignore it.

Hm. Maybe he should talk to Sam. Compare notes.

"Tony." Steve flicks Tony's knee. Tony's left eye twitches. "Don't worry about me. I'm alright. And if I ever think I'm not, I'll ask for help, okay?"

No, you won't, Tony thinks. Because he's Steve Rogers and, in Tony's experience, Steve Rogers is never one to ask for help.

"Okay," Tony agrees. "I'm here if you ever need to talk."

And he leaves it at that, because he knows that pushing further won't do anything. Because he'll be here when Steve finally reaches his breaking point.

Maybe (hopefully), Steve will see himself spiraling before he actually crashes. But the likelihood of this, apparently, is pretty slim.

So when Steve inevitably falls apart, Tony will be there, right alongside the rest of the team, to pick up the pieces.

"You can call the others back in now. And, uh - thanks, Tony. Really."

Tony says, "No problem," and gets up to go find the team.

All the while, he's thinking, Don't thank me yet.

The hard part hasn't even started.

#badthingshappenbingo #marvel #mcu #dissociation// #panic attack// #the avengers #post-a4 #iron man #tony stark #captain america #steve rogers #sam wilson #falcon mcu #natasha romanoff #black widow #james rhodes #rhodey #peter parker #tony and rhodey #fic #jude writes #text #long post

[nyerus]

In Regards to Hate: On Victuuri

I don’t know what suddenly happened again but there’s a shitton of hate for Victuuri/Viktuuri(/etc) in the tags lately. People are welcome to feel however they want for a particular ship, but I just wanted to give my two cents by tackling the common complaints I’ve seen. I’ll start from the beginning so I’ll be addressing basically all the arguments against this ship I’ve seen so far. I’ve tried to maintain some sort of order for these, but honestly I just winged it at some point.  A lot of these arguments are also heavily character-based, so keep in mind that I’ll be deconstructing several scenes as well as character motivations as I go.  (As a note, this assumes you’ve seen the whole show. Also, I’m only using canon evidence from the show itself.)

This is like an informal follow-up to my super old post but also not really.

No I’m not avoiding work why would you say that.

WARNING: This is a massive post/wall of text. Grab popcorn.

1.)  “Victor shows up naked at Yuuri’s home and continues to be uncomfortably forward with him.”

First let’s all remember that Yuuri’s family runs an onsen. People are naked in onsens. Very naked. That’s how hot springs generally work. And Yuuri is probably extremely used to nudity, which in and of itself is treated with less shock in Asian culture than it is in most western countries. Not to mention that Victor is unashamedly proud of his body. Also… in hindsight, we sort of understand why Victor was so forward with Yuuri. It’s because the last time they met, Yuuri grinded against him, nearly naked, after pole dancing. Then they proceeded to have this lovely dance together that basically changed Victor’s entire life. Victor genuinely thought that Yuuri remembered at least part of the banquet and just sort of cuts straight to the chase of “hey let’s get to know each other, personally *wink wink*” because he assumes that they’re past formalities by this point. When he sees that Yuuri is super shy and uncomfortable with this, Victor quickly changes gears. From the moment he realizes what Yuuri’s boundaries are, he never oversteps. All physical contact he initiates from then on is reciprocated or welcome (even if Yuuri is bashful about it).

 2.)  “Victor fat-shames Yuuri and never apologizes.”

People have already gone over this but as a competitive figure skater, Yuuri could not afford to be at the weight he was in episode one. It was dangerous, plain and simple. As someone who works in the medical field, I can’t understate how big of an impact weight has on joints in something like figure skating. Especially given how jumps are a major part of every routine, and landing those at a reasonable weight itself is rough on joints. (Not to mention, getting height for your jumps would also be more difficult.) As for people who’ll no doubt say “but Yuuri managed to do all the jumps in Victor’s FS perfectly at that weight”: no, he probably didn’t. We know from established canon that at that point, Yuuri could not yet reliably land a Quad Flip—which was the second jump in Victor’s FS. So even with just that information we can safely infer that Yuuri probably turned the Quads into Triples (or even Doubles). When Yuuko praised him on his perfect copy of the routine, she was probably telling him how he nailed the choreography as a whole—which in itself was hellishly difficult.

Victor is not the only person who points out Yuuri’s weight, as it’s Minako who first criticizes him for it. It’s not just an aesthetic thing. More so than his weight, Yuuri is out of shape. (He’s not able to run as far as he later is, etc.) And Yuuri himself knows this—he starts working out even before Victor shows up in Japan. Victor urging Yuuri to lose the weight is not abusive or fat-shaming, it’s just him giving Yuuri professional advice. Is it tactless and a little mean? Yeah it definitely is, but Victor is sometimes extremely blunt. More on this below.

 3.)  “Victor calls Yuuri ‘little piggy’ which is mean.”

I can’t really argue with ya there in that it was kind of mean. But just to clarify, the phrase he uses is “Kobuta-chan” which is oddly endearing and less “little piggy” and more “piglet” which has a different connotation entirely. Also the nickname is obviously not random because Yuuri’s favorite dish is a Pork Cutlet Bowl (which was the main culprit behind his weight gain). Like, that was the entire joke. It was based on katsudon. That was the whole point.

But anyway, Victor used the nickname for like one episode. Between episode two and three. After that he only ever refers to Yuuri by his given name, nothing else. It didn’t hurt Yuuri’s feelings, either, and we know Victor cared about Yuuri’s weight only in terms of figure skating.

Victor can be an asshole sometimes, and that much is true. But he’s not ever intentionally cruel for the sake of being hurtful.

 4.)  “There’s an inherent power imbalance because Yuuri’s idolized Victor for so long and now Victor is his coach.”

One of the major points of their entire relationship is the balance of power between them. First let’s examine the Victor-->Yuuri dynamic. At no point in time does Victor think of Yuuri as anything less than an equal. He never talks down to him, never belittles him, never makes him feel weak or lesser. Nor does Victor ever abuse Yuuri’s self-esteem issues; instead helping Yuuri seeing that he’s worth so much more than he realizes. He never uses his “power” over Yuuri to get his way like he probably easily could have. He knows that Yuuri’s idolized him for years, but he’s Victor Nikiforov. Everyone idolizes him. He’s a goddamn living legend, a Russian hero. Honestly, when this show first started, I was worried we’d get a weird hero-worship based relationship and the very thought of that made me super uncomfortable, but that entire trope was so masterfully subverted. In fact, Victor’s been pining over him for months before the two of them meet in earnest. Victor is enamored with Yuuri both as person and as a skater. It wasn’t just a really elaborate booty call. He was incredibly impressed with Yuuri’s skill and decided that he could help him, all the while trying to find his own inspiration again. It’s a symbiotic relationship.

Now the Yuuri-->Victor dynamic is a little more complex because it takes Yuuri time to get over his hero-worship stage. But he does. He completely does, and that’s a very important milestone in their relationship. By the end of episode four, he’s stopped seeing Victor as this God-like being and instead starts seeing him as a person. The change in their dynamic is instantly clear. Yuuri becomes a hundred times more comfortable around Victor as soon as he realizes that Victor—another human being with human fears like aging and male pattern baldness—is someone who’s going to meet him in the middle. (Interestingly, after the beach scene in episode 4, Yuuri uses more informal language with Victor instead, like how he does with his family. Beforehand, he always used very polite language only. This is a little bit lost in translation, but is actually really important. It shows how comfortable he’s become around Victor.) Yuuri’s infatuation turns into real love because he’s found someone who is patient with him, who doesn’t intrude upon his heart or his feelings, but pushes him to be better every day. And it’s important to note here that Yuuri never allows Victor to think of him of anything less than an equal. He calls Victor out on his bullshit, especially showcased in episode seven, where he yells at Victor in the parking garage and later when he roasts Victor in his head for the entire first half of his Free Skate. “Victor no baka!” is an important line, guys.

Victor and Yuuri are both consenting adults and Yuuri’s career does not depend on Victor. He can very well drop Victor and get a new coach if he wanted. (Let’s remember that he’s Japan’s #1 Figure Skater—there will be no shortage of people ready to be his coach, regardless of when it is in the season. And funnily enough, they would all probably be more qualified to do this than Victor is.) Yuuri is under zero obligations here.

 5.)  “Their relationship moved unrealistically fast with little development.”

See, the problem with a 12-episode anime that isn’t actually about their relationship but about Yuuri’s Figure Skating career is that we’re not going to get very much screentime for relationship development. After all, it’s a sports anime and not a romance. We need to read between the lines a lot because even when the writers want to give us more, they simply cannot (e.g. how they wanted to give us the beach date scene but couldn’t, and had to stick those stills in the ED instead). Victor and Yuuri’s relationship did not move at some whirlwind pace that people make it out to be. There’s like an eight month gap between when Victor shows up in Hasetsu and when they get engaged in Barcelona. Granted, it’s not a whole lot of time, but I know people who’ve gotten married in faaaaaarrr less time than that. But for those eight months (most of which we are NOT privy to, because it takes place off-screen), the two of them are together every day. There’s going to be a lot of development happening there, and we see clear evidence of it. For example, the two of them are EXTREMELY comfortable with physical contact from episode six onwards. Let’s take a moment to remember what happened in the previous episode. Yes, that lip balm scene. But also? Yuuri’s speech on live television. Between episodes 5 and 6 there’s about a month and a half gap where the two of them have gotten very comfortable with each other, probably aware that there’s mutual attraction. Their relationship is actually moving at a reasonable pace, all things considered. And honestly? Every relationship is different. It depends on the people involved in that relationship and how comfortable they feel with how it’s progressing. It’s not like there’s some guidelines like “must attain quota of 17 lunch dates before frick fracking” or something. No one gets to dictate the terms of someone else’s relationship. That’s silly.

 6.)  “It’s abusive for Victor to stipulate that they’ll only get married if Yuuri’s wins gold.”

Look, we know that Victor is very clearly romantically interested in Yuuri and had no real intention to cockblock(/weddingblock) himself. If anything, he meant it as a motivation for Yuuri to do his best and also in a teasing manner. It’s a way of Victor showing how much faith he has in Yuuri, that he’ll snag that gold medal. (After all, what Yuuri asks of him is his full faith and support in him, and this is another way of Victor taking that request to heart. He doesn’t even entertain the idea of Yuuri losing—in his head, Yuuri’s going to win, plain and simple.) Yuuri’s shock to the announcement was due to the fact that he was just put on the spot in front of his competitors, all who want to win too—not that he was uncomfortable at Victor’s “ultimatum.” If that were the case, the rings would not be treated with such attention and importance in the following episodes. Yuuri very clearly holds their rings in high regard, emotionally speaking.

 7.)  “They’re not actually engaged.”

Listen, I’m very close with a few of my friends but I’ve never bought 800€ gold wedding rings to be exchanged in front of a famous basilica with a choir singing in the background following a romantic shopping date. Yuuri says that they’re good luck charms (“omamori” actually, which are a bit more than just good luck charms in Japan—but like a spell or a wish, too; though traditionally they are a specific type of amulet) to thank Victor for everything, but Yuuri very specifically chose those rings and chose to give it to Victor in front of a church. Where people get married. He could have done it anywhere, casually, like outside the shop or back in their hotel room. But he decided to do it there, blushing the entire time. It means Yuuri was very aware of what he was doing and what he WANTED, even if he was too afraid to say it aloud. And Yuuri is very much the type of person who would be afraid to straight-up propose to Victor because of his own self-esteem issues and also the fact that he isn’t sure of Victor’s plans post-GPF. Yuuri is not good with his words, but he is far clearer with his actions. It’s a key facet of his personality. Here, by giving Victor a gold ring in front of a church, he’s made his intentions known in a very Yuuri-like way. And Victor understood. He has always let Yuuri set the pace in the relationship, he never pushes too hard, so him “accepting” Yuuri’s “good luck charm” is him meeting Yuuri in the middle. And when he slips the other ring on Yuuri’s finger, Yuuri is clearly surprised. He’s overjoyed when he smiles back at Victor because he knows that Victor wants to be with him.

But okay, fine. Let’s leave that. Let’s go to the scene in the restaurant where Victor says in PLAIN WORDS that they’re engaged. He literally says the words “engagement rings.” It’s even partly in English so it can’t be mistaken for anything else. Yuuri freaks out when Phichit announces that they got married because, well, they didn’t get married. But Yuuri never, ever denies their engagement. (Neither does Victor, of course. No one does, in the show.)

Also an interesting point I have to bring up: Yurio. He asks Victor at the beach why he’s “so damn happy to be looking after that damn pig”—meaning Yuuri, of course. Looking after him??? What, like just bros??? For like, the rest of their lives??? Just in a totally bro way??? Clearly not. The entire conversation at the beach was Yurio being super pissed off that this could possibly mean that both Victor and Yuuri meant to retire after this season and would run off to get married and settle down. We see how much both Victor and Yuuri mean to Yurio, so he’s very clearly upset at the idea that he might never see either of them on the ice again after this. (And he’s basically like “well fine if you’re going to leave then just leave already” because #AngstyTeen.)

I also feel like a lot of these doubts stem from the fact that the way a western audience perceives such a relationship is inherently different than a Japanese audience. But in a lot of Japanese shows (and Asian shows in general), even when there’s a heterosexual couple, there is often no inherent declaration of love or on-screen kiss. Same goes for other forms of media. Many times they will imply that the two characters are together and then do something like a time-skip showing them with their kids or having dinner together at their home/a fancy restaurant, further implying that they’re married. And you know what? In these situations, no one ever questions the legitimacy of that het couple’s relationship. I know many people are scared of being queerbaited—and I’ll be honest, there’s a part of me deep down that always lives in fear of this because of how often we’ve been scorned—but I want everyone to keep in mind these cultural differences. (Furthermore, as someone living in South Asia right now and who watches Asian shows, I can re-iterate that things like on-screen kisses are SUPER rare (yes, between het couples). They’re on the level of being scandalous and not so long ago, they were literally illegal here.) 

(*And a slight spoiler here for the video game Final Fantasy X, to help me illustrate my point about cultural differences (I’ve seen other people mention this and am essentially using it myself, but cannot remember specific blogs—sorry!): in the English/International release of the game, the main female character Yuna tells her love interest (the main male character, Tidus) “I love you” at the end. HOWEVER, in the original Japanese version, Yuna says “thank you.” The phrase “I love you” is never uttered in that entire game, yet Yuna and Tidus’ relationship is never questioned. Not once.)

I know we want explicit confirmation and I know why that’s important (and that it’s also important to discuss this and demand better from creators) but let’s not outright dismiss what we got so far. But ah, we could spend years talking about this one thing and others have already done it, so I’ll finally move on.

 8.)  “They have so many communication issues.”

I agree with “they have communication issues” but not the “so many” part.  People against this pairing seem to be under the impression that they constantly miscommunicate and I have no idea where that stems from. They’ve had two big failures in communications (episode 7’s garage scene and episode 11’s hotel room scene) and sometimes they may not be on the same page in terms of their relationship, but they actually do remarkably well. Remarkable because both of them are both actually quite terrible at communication in general. I’m going to heavily break down both of those aforementioned scenes so we can discuss what exactly happened.

We know that Victor has never had any serious relationship in his life. He admits himself that for the last twenty years, he’s basically ignored both life and love. So he has very little experience in comforting someone else—because he’s just never had to do something like that. He doesn’t know how to handle Yuuri’s anxiety because it’s not a problem he is familiar with, and while he knows that Yuuri has anxiety, it’s never manifested this intensely before. So it’s no wonder he’s at a loss for what to do. He does what he can: making sure Yuuri gets a little bit of sleep, advising that he not to any jumps during warm-up, not berating him when he does those jumps anyway and instead being calm and supportive, and taking Yuuri away from other people when he sees it’s detrimental. When nothing, absolutely nothing seems to work, Victor becomes desperate. He decides to try something out of left field that will hopefully jerk Yuuri out of his self-destructive state. And thus the infamous “if you miss the podium I’ll take responsibility and resign as your coach” speech. And I want to point out that Victor very specifically says “I’ll take responsibility.” As in, “I’ll attribute it to myself.” While this is actually somewhat noble of Victor to avoid ever placing blame on Yuuri directly, it actually only makes matters worse. This is because we know that what Yuuri’s primarily afraid of is not messing up, but messing up and having it reflect badly on Victor. He cannot bear the thought of people talking ill about Victor—someone he loves very dearly—and while Victor was trying to be as gentle as possible while, well, shattering Yuuri’s heart, it ends up backfiring doubly because of this. 

The last thing Yuuri wants is to drag Victor’s name through the mud and the idea that Victor would do that himself, if Yuuri messes up, is horrible. Never mind the very idea that Victor would leave. (Though, of course, Victor actually never says this either—only that he’d resign as Yuuri’s coach, not that he would straight-up leave Yuuri; though since Yuuri doesn’t know the full extent of Victor’s feelings for him, he assumes that Victor quitting as his coach would also include him leaving Hasetsu altogether.) And of course, Victor doesn’t mean any of this. This is probably how he was motivated by his coaches (and seeing as he’s new to coaching, he’s probably taking ques from them) so he figures, hey, since nothing else is working, maybe shocking Yuuri out of his funk will do the trick. It absolutely does not do the trick and Yuuri ends up bawling his eyes out—but not at the prospect of Victor leaving. No, he’s furious that Victor would say something like that. Victor backs down IMMEDIATELY. He doesn’t try to justify himself, he doesn’t try to give any sort of explanation or defend himself. He just apologizes because he knows he fucked up. This is more than most people do in an argument. And not only does Victor apologize, he takes this to heart. He never, ever pulls something like this again. He actively changes his behavior. This is so important. 

And now, since neither of them are very good with words, their official “make up” doesn’t happen there, even if Yuuri wasn’t actively mad at Victor after the fact. But he didn’t know how to express that and Victor probably felt like he was walking on eggshells at that point so he smartly kept his mouth shut. Still, Yuuri knows its important to communicate that he isn’t angry at him. So what does he do? The head boop. It’s a clear throwback to episode 4—the scene that showed that Yuuri was coming out of his shell and impulsively acted upon realizing that Victor was a normal, human person with his own fears and insecurities. And this is Yuuri’s way of essentially rubbing that in, in an affectionate way. Saying “You’re an idiot, but you’re my idiot.” (By the way, this is the final step of Yuuri letting go of his idolization of Victor and fully coming to see him as a normal guy with his own shortcomings.) And if Victor had any doubts of Yuuri forgiving him, Yuuri does the Quad Flip at the end of his routine to signify that yes, you’re forgiven (and also I will surpass your wildest imagination, among other things). They didn’t have to implicitly say “I’m sorry”/”I forgive you”/etc. It was all made crystal clear in the one way they always communicate freely in: skating.

Coming to episode 11…. Yuuri, being the nervous ball of anxiety he is, often has moments of intense self-doubt. Often times he thinks “what does Victor see in me” throughout the show and is quick to become disappointed in himself. This is what happens in episode 11. Yuuri doesn’t do as well as he wanted to in his Free Skate, causing his anxiety to kick up to 100. But Yuuri doesn’t say anything about it. He doesn’t tell Victor what he’s feeling or what he’s afraid of. So Victor has no way of understanding what’s going through Yuuri’s head and reassuring him that everything will be just fine, regardless. After his own lackluster performance, Yuuri sees that Victor is watching other skaters and assumes that Victor wants to go back to skating. And sure, while it does sort of spark that competitive spirit in Victor, his only concern at the moment is Yuuri. But Yuuri completely misunderstand Victor’s appreciation of other skater’s performances and jumps to conclusions because that’s what anxiety does. It takes an otherwise innocuous situation and twists it until you can only think of the worst-case scenario. To Yuuri, this is Victor leaving him behind to go back to Russia. And this is where it becomes a sort of double-whammy. 

Despite his moments of confidence and delight at being the one who “stole Victor away from the world,” Yuuri suffers from an immense amount of self-doubt that tells him “you aren’t good enough.” He feels like he’s keeping Victor from doing something that he loves (skating) and after that lukewarm performance, he figures that maybe he’s not worth Victor’s time, coaching-wise. And he loves Victor enough to not want to hold him back anymore, either. He feels like he’s a burden and thus should cut Victor free and let him go. And after all, didn’t Victor say it was until the Grand Prix Finals anyway? But moreover, what Yuuri does at the end of episode 11 is a defensive tactic. He’s terrified at the prospect of Victor leaving him, yet he feels backed into a corner, so he decides to put distance between them in order to protect himself. (Remember Victor’s line from episode 10 about how when athletes feel pressured into a corner, they sometimes act unexpectedly? Foreshadowing.) Yuuri is giving Victor a way out, should he want it. It’s Yuuri’s way of minimizing the pain he thinks is inevitable. 

But what Yuuri here doesn’t understand is that Victor is fully invested in their relationship. Victor’s shock makes this completely evident. He never for a moment entertained the idea of parting from Yuuri, especially not now. He just lived under the assumption that once the Grand Prix was over, they’d go onto Nationals and Worlds and so on. Victor had NO IDEA the turmoil that’s been plaguing Yuuri this entire time (who has honestly spent much of the show afraid that his time with Victor is limited—and that’s another reason the rings were so important to Yuuri; they were genuinely a wish he made of keeping them together). For Victor, skating doesn’t hold the same joy it once did for him. Without Yuuri there, it feels lackluster; he’s tired of feeling alone. I will argue that yes, Victor’s competitive spark was re-ignited by Yurio (and also Yuuri) breaking his world record, but Victor clearly values his relationship with Yuuri more than he does his skating. 

Now, we don’t get to see the rest of what happens in that scene but they at least got to the point where they put it on hold until after the Finals—because it was obviously important that Yuuri focus on that, first and foremost. And what happens at the finals? At lot of things, really. The most important thing is that Yuuri’s Free Skate is his way of communicating to Victor what he feels. His skating says “do you see how much I love you?” and Victor—with tears in his eyes—understands. They communicate a lot through skating; that was the entire point of the Quad Flip as I mentioned before. It was a conversation between them. But now I’m veering off into poetic territory, so I’ll bring it back. Yuuri realizes here that he doesn’t want either his career or his relationship to end there. In the end, they not only decide to keep going—together—but also apparently have to redo whatever their initial plans were and move to St. Petersburg together because they can’t bear to be apart—and that much is confirmed canon.

Do they still have issues to work out after this? Absolutely. There will no doubt be more things that come up if we get more seasons. But Rome was not built in a day, people. And to expect a perfect relationship with zero miscommunication ever is highly unrealistic. That’s unhealthy. Even couples who have been married for decades and are on the same page regarding everything still have their squabbles now and then. You’re not always going to understand what your partner feels/thinks in a given moment unless you have telepathy, and you’re going to disagree over things. That’s just how it works. The most interesting part of Victor and Yuuri’s relationship is how genuine it feels, for these reasons.

 ***Now mentioning two additional points that are not strictly about Victuuri, but YoI as a whole***

9.)  “Other shows have done representation better.”

I know other shows like No. 6 and Shin Sekai Yori (which are both based on pre-existing novels and not original works like Yuri!!! on Ice) have done things like show explicit kissing between two same-sex characters and should not be forgotten or dismissed, but “better” is a really subjective word. (*Spoiler alert*) In neither of those two shows do you get a queer couple that is happy and together by the end of the show. In No. 6, Shion and Nezumi part ways and we are never explicitly told if/when they reunite and if/when they officially get together. In Shin Sekai Yori, Shun is killed off and Satoru marries Saki, instead. (Though this in itself is not horrible, per se, the “Bury Your Gays” trope is so prevalent that I personally couldn’t help but grind my teeth at it.) However at the end of Yuri!!! on Ice, Victor and Yuuri are both alive, happy, engaged, and looking forward to a future together. Take this to mean what you will. Some people value an explicit romance even if it ends in tragedy more, but personally I prefer when my same-sex couples are alive and happy together for once.

And just to say it: even though other shows have been more explicit about homosexual or otherwise queer relationships, not all of them have handled it with the same level of respect they do with heterosexual relationships. More below.

10.)  “Yuri on Ice doesn’t address homophobia, and thus Victor and Yuuri’s relationship is unrealistic.”

I for one am exhausted. Exhausted because so many shows featuring queer characters inadvertently turns into a struggle due to those characters’ identities. It becomes a part of the plotline (and often is the whole plotline) and while I think it’s incredibly important that we do have stories like this—because they’re especially important for young people who are finding themselves—it’s also important that we showcase a world in which equality exists and a character’s sexual orientation does not encompass their entire story; and in which they are allowed to have story arcs about literally anything else like their heterosexual counterparts. I was dreading this happening in YoI following the kiss, to be frank. I didn’t want to tune into the next episode and see homophobia of any sort. YoI was like a safe haven for me and so many others—a blanket you could wrap around yourself and find hope that one day, yes, the world will really be like that. It seems so wonderful and simple and liberating. I didn’t have to watch this show with a dark feeling in my gut, angry at the world. I could watch it feeling happy and light for once. I am so grateful that Yuuri and Victor’s relationship is treated the same way as a heterosexual relationship would be. No one makes snide comments, no one doubts their legitimacy, it’s never the butt of a joke, none of that nonsense occurs here. Normalizing same-sex relationships is an important step, especially when such a relationship aired for all to see in a country where gay marriage is not yet legal. (And also the fact that the relationship features an interracial couple who both come from conservative counties.)

There are no doubt a ton of things I’ve missed here and I’m not going to get into things like “YoI has poor animation” and “YoI didn’t deserve all the awards it got” because that’s not the point of this post—and this post is monstrous enough. Everyone, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. But once you make your opinion public, you are inviting discussion. You can’t spout hate against something other people love and not expect to be challenged.

I know I’ve basically been preaching to the choir with this post, and thank you to everyone who’ve taken the time to read this or skim this. Hopefully it helps you organize your own thoughts. For dissenters who’ve read this post, thank you as well and I hope we can have some interesting discussions regarding Victuuri and Yuri!!! on Ice as a whole.

TLDR; Victor and Yuuri’s relationship is not picture-perfect, but that’s what makes it all the more compelling. It feels real and genuine because these characters feel real and genuine—flaws and all. If anyone has anything they want me to address specifically, please drop an ask or a message!

#victuuri #viktuuri #yuri on ice #yoi #yuri!!! on ice #victor nikiforov #viktor nikiforov #yuuri katsuki #yuri katsuki #katsuki yuuri #why are there still 2348209842 ways to tag everything in this fandom lmao #also i can't believe i took the time to actually do this #nyerus.txt #meta #i feel like i should go back and add pictures lmao