#using my brain for spn not law readings
Note
You mentioned 'one of' your cardinal rule about full frontals in response to the GOT HotD ask. So, do you have more rules? What are the reasons behind them? And how do you figure something like female full frontal but no equivalent male full frontal out in advance?
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I don't have a conscious set of rules for the most part. I guess I could sum it up by saying it's mainstream US culture + bad values + not my id.
GoT was popular enough that info like that was easy to acquire by osmosis. If I'm interested in a show, I'll watch it unspoiled, and if it has my dealbreakers, I'll be mad, but that's life.
I guess there's nothing that's an absolute dealbreaker in literally all cases. There could always be some other element that would overrule my usual refusal.
But in general, I don't watch anything that centers on women's highly gendered trauma, including "she got raped and now she's a badass" narratives, which I especially loathe. I find that that kind of media pushes this subtext that it's empowering because all women have been there. I find it alienating, depressing, and boring. Xena getting the snot beat out of her by her former underlings in an ungendered way and then wangsting about having been a bad, murderous warlord is fine. That's a typical reformed male villain backstory. It's the Lady Trauma™ backstories I hate.
Special shout out to Joss Whedon who shoves this crap in everything and whom I've hated since the 90s. Ughhhhhhhhh.
I don't watch things where characters should logically get an abortion and don't. Every character involved is either an idiot or an abusive sack of shit.
I generally drop shows that started out being about folklore and then turned jesus-y. (SPN, I'm looking at you.) I like my urban fantasy to be neopagan woo-filled or Asian.
I don't consume dystopian media where society is gone. That's boring. I want to see a complex social context for our leads. (Relatedly, I find "my whole family is dead" a total cop-out. Make them fucking deal with their in-laws or growing old with a partner. That takes real writing chops, you hacks!) I also find ultra gloom more comedic than relatable.
I don't consume "anyone can die" media because it always removes all of the interesting characters while there was still more story to tell with them. Also, it invariably coddles whiny fanboys and their boring fave will have plot armor while all of the better characters will be the first to go.
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But really, I consume very little media, so it's not like I have to think about these "rules".
They mostly come up when annoying fans are pushing their media I obviously would not like and I have to consciously think about how I'm making that snap judgment.
I'll occasionally check something out because it has a lot of fic. I often check out slashy (but not gay) shows because of a slash vid. I read a lot of original m/m by fandom types and may consume other queer media if it sounds like it has the right vibe. I consume a lot of stuff for research (film noir, nonfiction books, documentary). Even Kingdom, which I now love, I consumed because I wanted to get a feel for Korean historical media for the purpose of writing AU fanfic (which I then never got around to writing).
I don't have time or brain space left for mainstream things unless they happen to catch my eye.
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Hey remember when I thought I could read all of the ao3 sterek tag lol
The show just ended, we were all excited, the tag hit 50k, I wasn’t thinking clearly. That went nowhere fast, but I did get through a couple of thousand, so here are my favorites from that time. Some links are broken, use way back machine for those.
What you will find here: angst, fluff, humor, character death, porn, non/dub-con, underage (duh), emissary!Stiles, bonding, fuck or die, h/c, pack dynamics, knotting, AUs and more!
What you won’t find here: classic a/b/o, mpreg, halecest. Got nothing against those concepts, just don’t find them to be a favorite.
Read author tags, as you would. I usually forewent full tag/warning descriptions and summary quotes in favor of a short personal opinions to save space.
entanglednow gets multiple mentions. Not sorry.
Why Won’t Somebody Think Of The Children (G)
Hypocrite by LLitchi // Stiles was the Hales' emissary and everyone loved him.
Never Been Kissed (T/teen)
Pick Ourselves Undone by elegantwings, orphan_account // technically not rated // lovely little introspective story
I just want to keep this dream in me by orphan_account // Stiles and Derek have something in common - a dead mother
Find (Me) by kototyph // forever mad Stiles/Gerard encounter has been so neglected in the show. Hurt!Stiles, what’s good.
Entrapment by Saucery // the boys get real close, bring your crowbar
Things Thicker Than Water by Cheshyr // Stiles inherited his mother’s eyes, and her smile, and her antidepressants.
Good Intentions by Helenish // Sheriff totally misunderstands things, but also doesn't
If I could be Someone (Within an Hour or a Day) by Finduilas // Stiles doesn't want to be turned into a werewolf, but he kind of wants Derek to want to.
puppets on strings by kameo_chan // a two-parter, T and E // this one hurts, kids. Brain trauma.
And Now I'm Sunk by pandacowhipster // Derek finds a new anchor
Between The Lines by witblogi // five times Derek played connect the dots and Stiles was unamused
Sometimes I Dream Of You by veritas_st // technically unrated // Stiles is right, Derek doesn't want him gone
They'll Take It All by someonelsesheart // friends, benefits and a lot of lies
Chase Away Every Monster by wangler // Gerard comes and goes, but the fun lasts
9/10ths of the Law by tsukinofaerii // one of the few demon!Stiles fics I genuinely enjoyed. A SPN crossover, no less.
Pre-Emptive Strike by Brigantine // give me emissary!Stiles or give me death
Blackbird by skoosiepants // quoth the Stiles “Nevermore.”
Like an Anchor That Drags You Down by lindenmae // “What did you do to me, Stiles?” Derek growls, and it’s so guttural even to his ears, he doesn’t recognize his own voice.
Almost There (M/R)
And Dwell Beneath My Shadow by lielabell // Lydia saves the day for insecure Derek
If You're Wondering, If I Want You To (I Want You To) by pandacowhipster // funny, fluffy, has Twilight jokes. Ladies.
Of sharing shirts by sephirothflame // they also share bodily fluids
Quit Talking (or I’m going to rip your throat out with my teeth) by Kayevelyn // # shawty what that mouth do
I Can Taste It, It's My Sweet Beginning by fio // petty Stiles is the best Stiles
And Yes, I Swallow Glass by lightning and a lightning bug (spoons) // 2x07 coda // talking about your shit is Good, as Derek finds out
you're my perfect little punching bag by lanyon // honestly, with the amount of canon head injuries, I’m surprised Stiles can still talk
Lone Wolf by Spikedluv // Derek needs help oh boy does he ever and Stiles obliges
Writ in Hecate's ink on willing skin by Lenore // Finger Painting: not just for small children
last night's dress (tiptoe out of this mess) by hito // an incredible delight of a fic with fake relationship
And I Followed You Home by entanglednow // resistance is futile
I Could Find My Way Back by entanglednow // oops, we are bonded now: the fic
Aversion Therapy by entanglednow // his shoulder may be hurt, but the dick still works
To Have Outlived the Night by stillane // hunters are assholes, water is wet
Stop Crossing Oceans by howl-to-the-wind (greenleaf) // I love a well-executed broken pack fic and, by God, did this one deliver
Integral to Survival by asocialfauxpas (fuzzytomato) // nothing brings people closer together than shared torture
Lock All The Doors Behind You by entanglednow // it’s almost like getting a pet, only the pet is a grown-ass man with claws
Red-Handed Man by proxydialogue // #where Stiles gets to be a nerdodactyl and a badass and the two are not mutually exclusive
You know how it is with spaghetti ™ (E/NC-17)
Sluice by GoddessofBirth // keepitwet.gif
rifle to the heart by sunsetpanic // AHS: Cult wishes it was this (there is also no Lena Dunham)
Holy Water Cannot Help You Now by affectingly // a missing scene/coda to 2x02. Stiles should just go to his happy place.
Want by tylerfucklin (orphan_account) // two words - angry. spanking.
He Hit Me and it Felt Like a Kiss by Loz // *Kiss With A Fist by Florence+The Machine playing in the distance*
Outer Dark: A Pornographic Fever Dream by ahab2692 // man, none of the drugs I ever did were this lit
know just where you've been by morphosyntactic // ooh, something smells good! It’s Stiles.
The Perils of Fungi by the_deep_magic // #traumatisedScott2020
Never Been by Lenore // Stiles is saved from his Virginity, and there is also a magic cave
Shake my ash to the wind by rufflefeather // just a whole lot of firsts happening
I'm Coming Over Tonight by burntotears // he can be quiet, see?
Red Velvet and Fur (A Hanky Code for Gay Werewolves) by orphan_account // I was hooting and hollering the whole way through, utter crack
I Forgot All The Rules Today by entanglednow // One of them is probably going to die before Stiles reaches eighteen anyway.
And Now For Something Completely Different by Ark // intense car sex with a touch of dubcon
Little Red Riding Hood (you sure are looking good) by aohatsu // Stiles dresses up as Little Red Riding Hood for Halloween. It's supposed to be ironic.
Hale of Heart by Nahara // one of the most interesting (conceptually) fics I’ve read in TW, Christina Perri is weeping
Camaro '68 by ZainClaw // absolutely iconique hitchhiker AU
Mercy Has a Human Heart by the_deep_magic // usually the tag ‘established relationship’ is not my favorite, but I’m glad I stayed for this
i fall, i fall, i falter by affectingly // normal relationship who? love-hate car sex
A Wild of Nothing by BewareTheIdes15 // feral!Derek is a God’s gift
How to Date Your Best Friend's Brother by veterization // All things considered, his best friend's brother is pretty cool.
Hide Of A Life War by Etharei // required fandom reading, as stated by me and supported by roughly 400,000 other people
We've Written Volumes (in Blood and Scars and Ink) by notthequiettype // As his eyes slip shut, the last thing he thinks is, "This is going to kill my dad."
Professional Misconduct by Calico, Habernero // this is some quality AU smut, y’all
Bonus! Ra-Ra-Rasputin (fics in Russian)
Плохой день, ночь ужасна (Bad day, horrible night) by мобиус // T // это мой самый любимый фик в этом фандоме на русском и легко в топ-5 в целом. Его нет смысла описывать, его надо читать. Без спойлеров.
В первый и не последний раз by fioletova // E // кноттинг в душе. Ты, да, вот ты, кому это нравится - это для тебя <3
Тот, кто меня целует by Sabira // M // АУ, где Стайлз и Айзек попадают в психушку по стечению обстоятельств. Практически на 100% состоит из диалогов, но от этого шарма не теряет.
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anyway. masterpost for my thoughts on my spn 8x12 rewatch bc i forgot to liveblog it. this is the one where their grandfather time travels to the future by accident. it's also the introduction of the men of letters and abaddon
funny that sam and dean are still confused about time travel given that theyve BOTH time traveled on more than one occasion at this point. dean's literally traveled into the future and the past. why the fuck are u so confused about this
i ENTIRELY forgot that a cupid ensured that john and mary would get together i love that there's continuity on this
DEAN'S DADDY ISSUES ARE BACK BABEY!!!! AND THIS TIME HE'S PROJECTING THEM ONTO HIS GRANDFATHER LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
the men of letters always going UGH hunters. theyre always shoot first ask questions later what violent morons is so funny bc like. to be fair. the average hunter IS really trigger happy and aggressive. we saw a really good example of that literally like 3 episodes ago. that's a completely fair assessment tbh. sam and dean are supposed to be good hunters and their first instinct was to push henry up against the wall and start yelling at him, hunters suck ass dude
it's such a shame that abaddon ended up being a kind of forgettable big bad bc i remember thinking that her original 50s aesthetic and memory stealing powers were really cool. idk they dropped the ball with her she couldve been really cool
abaddon's introduction here as a knight of hell is TECHNICALLY an expansion of the worldbuilding in terms of hell's hierarchy but i feel like it works here. theyre just below the princes but imbued with some kind of power by lucifer ig? it is a little questionable that they cant be killed by usual demon killing means though. azazel got killed by a fuckass gun and he outranked abaddon but ok i guess
random goth girl at the comic book store u will be missed. sorry ur 'the devil made me do it' shirt was so sick that abaddon killed u for it
i like that they didnt want to put cas in this episode so they were like yeah uhhhhhhhhhhhhh there's just one of his angel feathers in the impala somewhere henry steals it. can you imagine if this guy met cas his brain would fucking explode. can you imagine if they told him they met all the archangels??????? god that's so funny to think about
abaddon looks exactly like how i imagined war good omens when i originally read the book and i stand by that tbh
FIRST USE OF THE DEVIL'S TRAP BULLET LET'S GOOOO. this trick makes no fucking sense with the laws of physics but ykw i dont care it's so fun to me. shoot a demon with a really fucking tiny devil's trap and theyre just like. stuck to the floor. it's hilarious
rip henry u were like. actually wait he was still kind of a shitty dad tbh he was like yeah i was forced into being a men of letters by my father and i felt really burdened by the duty of hunting monsters im really excited to do the same to my son though :} like alright. ok i guess man
#spn liveblog#spn 8x12#supernatural#as time goes by#spn spoilers#supernatural spoilers#the pig squeals
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3,6,20,27,64
3) Describe the different ways in which liminality shifts as a central theme in Supernatural (or a specific arc/character given)
Liminality is super interesting regarding both Winchester brothers because they both straddle the line between the more normal and more deranged brother at different times. Sam is the boy with the demon blood, black eyes and blood dripping down his face, and he is the man with a white picket fence and a house in suburbia. He is the man who left Stanford thinking he had something he could come back to. Dean is dreaming of suburbia and fast cars in the same thought, normality whilst “it was always going to end like this for me” rings through his head. Dean is alienated from a suburban life and his obsession with hunting further alienated himself. Liminality in spn rests so deeply on the boy’s childhood, in the space between scenes where we understand the boys have never had somewhere to come back to. This shifts in season 8 with the introduction of the bunker, but the bunker and their father’s legacy is just a new form of alienation from their family and from “normal” people.
6) Do you have any psychological headcanons (or canon interpretations) of the characters?
Dean has ADHD (you know I’m right, he is whip smart yet struggled in academic settings and can’t keep attention on things that aren’t interesting to him, what does that remind me of???) Cas and Jack are autistic (I love them) and Sam has chronic not-quite-right syndrome in the way he will never let himself or anyone else try to understand.
20) What is your favourite part of season 3?
I am Obsessed with the scene in 3.10 where Dean says “my father was an obsessed bastard! All that crap he dumped on me about protecting Sam, that was his crap. He's the one that couldn't protect his family! I don’t deserve to die, and I don’t deserve to go to hell” or something like that not like I memorised it haha. But anyway it’s such a cathartic scene, Dean simultaneously realising his own self worth AND stopping blaming himself for his father’s actions. I would have loved for spn to contend with this more because it was a great start in an arc of Dean recognising his past and abuse and moving past it, rather than just. never criticising John Winchester again.
27) How do you think the angels fit into the species ecosystem of the Supernatural universe? how do monsters? are monsters grouped together in your mind in some way other than the fact they are hunted?
OK SO I am currently doing my degree in politics AND a class in philosophy for context. But how we classify groups of people is inherently political and reveals as much about our own biases as the other groups. In my head, angels are classed as beings in the same way as many of the (culturally butchered) pagan gods. Also, monsters as a category are used to dehumanise the Other, by grouping non-sapient creatures in with groups which are basically Humans With A Disease/Powers, like werewolves. Using monsters as a broad level enables hunters to indiscriminately perpetuate violence towards non-humans, regardless of the threat they actually present to the public. Some hunters would classify witches as monsters. Is this how they justify killing them? Long story short, in my head for all supernatural beings that could be classified as monsters, there are two categories, creatures (like the scarecrow), and nonhumans. Because nonhumans can include any supernatural nonhuman creature, like vampires, werewolves, or sirens. Some of these creatures are definitely evil most of the time but! like we’ve seen with Garth this isn’t always the case and is a more neutral definition. tbh with other “monsters” like psychic kids or witches, well, they’re just humans with powers.
64) What are the central themes of Supernatural to you? Did the finale counter or reinforce them? Shape them?
Rem you are too bigbrained with your smart questions. HOWEVER I will attempt to answer. I think the central themes are loss, perseverance, family, and alienation. The others are self explanatory, but there’s the canon alienation of both the Winchesters and many they know from normal life, alienation from their relationships with each other, alienation with how most people see the world, as a place without monsters whilst they know the truth. Ultimately, whether spn wanted to be or not, it is a tragedy. A downwards spiral that never lifts, and ends with two main characters dead and another trapped in a hollow ending in the suburbs. The ending reinforced the theme of loss, as per the tragic tone, but it challenged that of family. The idea that “family don’t end in blood” is pervasive and explicit, yet isn’t textually supported, as Sam and Dean’s most important relationships are almost always with each other and other biological family members. This is blatant in the finale, with Sam seemingly rejecting the family he’s built with other hunters and people in the community to embrace a nuclear family model based on biological ties. The theme of perseverance, to “always keep fighting” was textually explicit in the finale, yet was contradicted by by Dean’s death. Dean, a depressed and at times suicidal man accepting death easily is not a triumph of perseverance, it’s cowardice on the part of the writer’s. The theme of alienation is deeply contradicted by the finale! white picket fence and kids! blurrywife! You know what I’m talking about!
Anyway I hated the finale.
THANK YOU so much for the quiz, it’s super cool and the questions are really insightful :)
#spn#supernatural#spn ask game#i mean im probably (??????????) not adhd or autistic so if ur either of those things and disagree with me let me know i love talking about#that said both are popular fan interpretations and a lot of that comes from neurodivergent ppl#spn meta#sam winchester#dean winchester#this was so fun#using my brain for spn not law readings#suncaptor
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post-confession/finale fic recs
here’s a masterpost of all the best post-confession and finale fix-it deancas fics i’ve read so far
i’ve organized them into sections based on the last three episodes they largely pull from, plus ones for my absolute faves, finale compliant fics (i’m a finale denier but there are some worth reading), and nebulously post-canon/s15 fics.
other supernatural fic recs
i’ll keep updating it with any other good fics i come across so keep an eye out for that! the most recently added ones will have a ‘+’ in front (last update: 1/2/2022)
ultimate faves:
my heart a compass - really good ‘the empty traps cas in memories and dean breaks through with the power of love (and jack/magic/etc)’ fic.
according to all known laws of life - listen i love and appreciate emotional/romantic post-confession fics but dean and cas are horrible old repressed bastards (lovingly) sometimes and that’s fun.
Nothing Equals the Splendor - the entire final episode was just a (very bad and lame) djinn’s vision.
Dean Winchester, Cocksucker at Rest - finale (derogatory) compliant but its worth it for all you sexy sexy j*hn haters out there.
The Goldenrod Revisions - no less than five alternate episodes in script format post 15x18, the ultimate fixit that leaves no dropped character or plotpoint untouched.
the monster at the start of this book - what if the REAL horror part of the horror show was the inescapable heteronormative metanarrative constructed by a cruel voyeuristic god? finale compliant/no happy ending but makes my brain bounce around in my head like a pinball.
ascend - what was written CAN be undone and it IS a love story, not a tragedy!
dumbassery, denial, doing (the three d’s to the destination) - 100k+ word reverse confession/dean character study/fix-it fic my beloved.
i want to do with you (what spring does with cherry trees) - canon divergent widower arc-turned- reverse confessions/fixit fic.
Fenario - THEE lake house fic.
if it all fell to pieces tomorrow - cas recovers from his trauma after getting saved from the empty by himself.
Fracture Mechanics - dean slowly processes his grief and relationship with/feelings for cas over time, cas comes back with no memory of the confession, and there’s a good old fashioned soulbond™.
+and you can use my skin - placeholder description is just. ouugh.
post confession:
When the Levee Breaks - gen/1.8k. episode coda/fix-it, the empty gets annoyed by dean and cas’ feelings.
Because it is - mature/6k. chuck’s death doesn’t fix anything and sam and dean have to try and cope with this for a very long time.
the best of things - gen/2k. cas escapes the empty.
For Good -teen/6k. episode coda, dean repairs his relationship with jack, cas doesn’t come back but the ending is hopeful.
In Just Saying It - gen/2.5k. post series, cas is back as a human and they celebrate his first real birthday.
To Change the Things We Can - gen/2k. confession scene fix-it.
The Having - teen/3k. cas is trapped in his worse memories, dean finds a loophole in the empty’s deal.
to the bone - mature/4k. dean tries to make a deal of his own with the empty.
Everything is Blue - teen/5k. episode coda/fix-it, the key to saving cas lies in the barn he and dean first met.
Enhanced Extraction Techniques - teen/5.8k the empty messes with cas by pretending to be dean trying to save him.
hold onto your voice, hold onto your breath - teen/7k. Dean makes a deal with the empty, orpheus/eurydice-meets-the little mermaid style.
There'll be peace (when you are done) - teen/2k. Chuck’s latest book sucks.
+ Begging and Praying, Christ I'm on My Knees - fixit where the confession - and certain other parts of late spn - are the same but slightly to the left.
post 15x19:
Bring Home* - gen/3.8k. cas comes back, but he doesn’t go to the bunker.
the rhyme of salvation - teen/6k. jack turns dean into an angel so he can save cas from the empty.
what's missing is found (our souls can exhale now) - mature/27k. kaia and dean go on a roadtrip after claire disappears.
closer (isn't close enough) - explicit/18k. cas helps dean cope with some of his chuck-induced trauma and dean tries to talk about the confession.
for which no words exist - teen/14k. dean helps cas recover from the ritual used to bring him back.
We will not give up on love now - teen/4.8k. dean starts finding unusual feathers around the bunker.
to make a beginning - teen/9.k. jack isn’t god but still helps dean bring cas back, ending is pure domestic/found family vibes.
nothing has to change- teen/27k. jack decides to be much less hands off, cas is saved and dean slowly tries to work through repression.
The World at Large - teen/5k. sam gets in touch with his inner witch and dean tries to get though to cas.
Take My Hurting Heart (Away From Me) - mature/8k. god!jack goes back to the bunker with them and helps them rescue cas.
freedom - gen/5k. Dean makes a choice and saves cas with the power of love.
safe returns - gen/1.7 k. The handprint™ = their red strong of fate.
Speak Silence No More - teen/8k. dean saves cas from the empty but thinks that he hates/no longer loves him since he had to become human to do so.
One does not simply walk into the Empty - teen/7k. dean saves cas from the empty orpheus-and-eurydice style.
the point of our being - mature/11k. cas makes another deal with the empty while dean, sam and eileen try to find a way to rescue him.
who will fall beside you, if you fall - gen/4k, post 15x19. Introspection on some of the different ways dean’s been loved throughout his life and how its changed him.
psalm 40:2 - explicit/45k. cas gets sent back in time instead of being trapped in the empty and encounters pre-series dean. tw for internalized homophobia/homophobia/child abuse.
+one step closer - teen/4k. dean explores the empty on his way to save cas. REALLY cool trueforms and worldbuilding stuff.
+Love Languages - teen/9k. cas thinks dean doesn’t reurn his feelings, dean just can’t say it with words.
finale fix-its:
Grace - 5k. script format, dean breaks into the empty after dying in that barn.
A Serious Thing - teen/1k. barn death scene fix-it.
There's Something About Jenny - teen/9k. jenny the vampire messes with the timeline, cas fixes it and restores the real ending.
Keep Your Love Alive - explicit/42k. au where the empty takes dean instead of cas.
we could be the way forward - mature/7k, cas saves dean from dying and the rest of the episode was just a weird dream.
Can't Fight This Feeling - teen/9k. script format, after meeting in heaven sam and dean realize they’re still in chuck’s story.
things happen (they do, they do, and they do) - explicit/28k. cas comes back from the empty and dean is very very sad that he’s tragically straight and can’t possibly return his feelings.
swimming with the fish pond fish -explicit/25k. after they get out of heaven and go back to earth, dean’s insane levels of repression/denial are threatened when cas keps casually telling him that he loves him.
Heartstring Promenade - explicit/17k (WIP). The finale was just a bad dream, all their friends are back and happy, and dean finds a way to get to cas using death’s library.
hope, love, glory - teen/13k. claire and jack team up to save the day!
the lover's choice - mature/44k. jack saves dean and cas, actually addresses the super-fucked afterlife system, and brings back some beloved characters chuck killed off too soon before calling it quits as god.
The Shape of Things to Come - mature/62k. after getting trapped in an updated 'what is and what never should be’ style djinn dream, dean is forced to directly face all the cas-related emotions he’s been suppressing. things get more complicated when he starts getting strange dreams where cas is trying to tell him something over the phone.
+debrief - teen/2k. sam and cas (rightfully, because what the hell. yes its been over a year but what the hell) yell at dean after saving him in the barn.
finale/heaven endgame compliant
blunt little instrument - mature/4k. dean confronts his dad in heaven.
A Timeshare in Paradise - teen/1.4k. cas and cas meet up at the roadhouse after sam’s arrival.
search for tomorrow on every shore - teen/11k. dean temporarily gets kicked out of heaven and finds himself face to face with his 24 year old past self.
Fuck Around and Find Out - mature/7k. cas hunts john for sport in heaven.
although we are faithless - mature/32k. sam and dean realize they’re trapped in a heaven memory loop and bust out, while in the meantime the damage done to the empty puts both afterlives on the verge of collapse (kind of a finale fixit hybrid/heaven endgame hybrid).
misc post canon/s15
Twenty ways to say I love you - teen/14k. dean has many different ways to tell cas he loves him.
I won't Going Out Swinging - teen/4k. dean starts out on his post-chuck life.
on vessels - gen/2k. cas used to imagine what it would be like to have dean as his vessel.
Tall Grass - explicit/57k. cas becomes the ultimate plant dad.
Through Autumn's Advancing - explicit/4k. dean’s birthday celebration fic.
dean's coworkers vs the heteronormative agenda - teen/4k. none of dean’s coworkers know the truth about his family.
It's Not Traditional - teen/1.5k. proposal fic.
Yarrow, Lilac, and Foxglove - explicit/10k. dean and cas garden, cook, possibly befriend a nature spirit, and get married.
What didn’t kill you - explicit/20k. After chuck everyone is human and happy, eileen and sam get married, and dean and cas try and figure out what they should do next.
Exit Wounds - mature/16k. cas dies defeating chuck, dean retires and buys a bar while dealing with hallucinations.
we’ll find a new home - gen/7k. costco confession fic!
sobriety & apple pie & religion, oh my! - gen/3k. stanford era dean meets a time displaced post-series dean.
If Someone Asks, This Is Where I'll Be - gen/1k. post canon proposal fic (from 2013).
tiny difference (between ending and starting to begin) - teen/2k. soft moments from a post-chuck world.
you're fooling yourself - teen/13k. dean and cas are retired and raising baby!jack, “platonically.”
Lessons in Botany - teen/1k. Just a nice domestic morning with some sam and jack.
looking like a true survivor (feeling like a little kid) - teen/20k. Everyone celebrates jack’s 4th birthday and they take him to build-a-bear!
strap the wing to me - gen/2k. cas has no filter when it comes to his feelings for dean anymore.
Death of the Author - explicit/7k. they have s*x for the first time.
On Labor - explicit/24k. dean is so unwell/repressed/terrified of losing cas again that he lies about his feelings for him (or at least he thinks he is). fics to touch a hot stove to but it has a happy ending dw.
Amphorae - mature/4k. more soft epilogue™ fic.
three little words - mature/3k. saying “i love you” comes with some pretty signifigant emotional baggage.
The One I Love - gen/1k. cas struggles with emotional trauma from losing his grace with dean’s help.
the pie isn’t a metaphor (it’s just pie) - teen/9k. dean and cas are domestic and make a pie (feat. actual pie recipie!).
fools and pilgrims - teen/32k. cas and jack leave and dean and claire go on a roadtrip to see them and figure some stuff out along the way.
Phone a Friend - gen/7k. pov of two hunters interacting with the hunter community years after the show.
call it what you want - 5k/mature. dean’s brain breaks a little when someone assumes he and cas are married (also cas is a plant dad).
take the bones, begin anew - mature/87k/wip. dean ends up uhaulling with cas when they move in to kelly’s old lake house.
In a time, in a place, we fit - teen/5k. alex’s pov of her friends, family, and a very revamped hunting community post-canon.
in full bloom - teen/2k. dean starts bringing cas flowers and helps him start a garden.
+Now We’re There, And We’ve Only Just Begun - teen/6k. jack is a baby instead of god, and dean and cas have a much needed conversation about breaking the cycle of abuse and trauma.
+the carrier bag theory - teen/6k. cas starts recovering traumatic old memories.
+Socks For Your Birthday Is Something That Can Actually Be So Personal - gen/1k. deans bday fic.
+The Mixtape, Or: Six Things You Learn in Thursday School - teen/6k. You know those old future!fics where the winchester gospels actually became a big thing and impacted the future of civilization and religion? this is the updated version of that.
+all the time in the world - teen/2k. sam’s bday fic.
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making a part 2 of my spn fic recs post unprompted. most are some kind of canonverse because i'm not the biggest on aus. enjoy 🤠
the doorway to a thousand churches by sonatine | 6k | cas confides in fantasies of dean based off the thousands of deans he killed in naomi's warehouse things that he cannot tell him when he's awake
helioneiros by aeli_kindara | 24k | set during s14, cas is helping claire on a hunt where the monster takes the voice of people's loved ones at the same time dean calls him with the intent to tell him about his feelings
help i've fallen and i can't find my grace by jad | 111k | not as cracky as the title suggests. demon dean fic where he does so much serious damage that i have to stop and be like "i'm actively rooting against this girl get help" (not common for me.) has an insane opening chapter retelling of cas pulling dean from hell that gives me brain worms
these are not real problems by annie d (scaramouche) | 30k | cas pov post-godstiel where he dies and is sent to heaven, which is a crumbling truman show-esque psychological horror
if it all fell to pieces tomorrow by spocklee | 37k | the summary says it better than i could: "After the Empty, Cas has to spend some time alone. Orpheus tries to convince Eurydice over the phone that it’s okay to turn around now."
no other faith is light enough for this place by anonymous | 11k | post-despair, dean prays to cas
steal the air out of my lungs by cosmicocean | 22k | "cas avoids dean in heaven" fic. jack pulls out his best parent trap moves
hachikireru by vaudelin | 23k | cas pov divorce arc fic, cas helps claire with a case
the carrier bag theory by orestespdf | 5k | bittersweet little retirement endgame cas study that i really enjoy
love bade me welcome by mmtion ( @postdivorcedean ) | 23k | this one IS an au. two dudes being married that doesn't sound very gay to me! fans of sobsicles' profoundly bonded (by law) will enjoy
the first and the last by perilously | 30k | canon divergent s11 finale, gay love pierces through amara sending the world into a slow apocalypse and saves the day
beer run by thalius ( @castielcommunism ) | 5k | mary, sam, and dean early s12 fic. "She smiles at him, and he’s grinning back at her, and for a moment everything feels normal until she ruins it by telling him, “you remind me so much of John.”"
no devil by thalius ( @castielcommunism ) | 26k | BIG rec, s9 au where naomi's grace is used to seal off heaven and the angels torture/interrogate cas about it, the angel studies AND the cas studies in this fic are so good i simply have no other words to throw at you besides read this one rn
love and miracles out of nowhere by a_good_soldier ( @s11e17 ) | 49k | a s13 i would have much rather watched! sometimes sam is out doing important mary-rescuing plot things while dean and cas make out on a couch and that's okay. i think about "She looks at him. Every time she does, Sam can see why his dad couldn’t look at Dean, sometimes, would tuck Sam into bed while Dean sulked on the couch. Why Dad preferred to have Dean in the front seat, so he could look at him piecemeal out of his peripheral vision, rather than being shocked by that face in the rearview mirror." every single day.
#supernatural#fic recs#spn fic recs#making this to cope with the fact that i feel like i have run out of all of the fics i will personally ever enjoy#mostly bc of the… vastly preferring some form of canonverse to aus bit…#ppl seemed to like my last rec post tho so enjoy 👻#also sorry if @'ing bothers any of u!
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Good morning good morning.
This is like, my third attempt at writing this because Tumblr keeps fucking me over lol. Happy Friday the 13th.
When the drama in late-June happened I mostly ignored it, choosing instead to focus excitement on the prequel and what it would mean by having Robbie Thompson there and just having new content added to this SCU [SPN cinematic universe lol].
However it’s a month and a half later and this New York Times article got me a little miffed. It reads as an attempt to save face, a hollow attempt at PR redemption, and, as usual with PR, gaslighting and tone-deafness up the ass.
Going to start with this paragraph first:
This is why I’m so annoyed and frustrated. Either Jarpad is the most tactless and clueless guy when it comes to his own words and statements, in which Jesus Christ why are you having him do press by himself — OR he’s the smartest guy out there which would also make him the biggest asshole.
[should state now for the record I don’t hate this man, I’m just frustrated and exasperated at this point]
This bullshit “uwu it’s hard to convey tone over social media’ and ‘uwu i just wanted to let people know I wasn’t keeping secrets from them’ attempt to gloss over what happened is, in my opinion, such blatant gaslighting that I couldn’t believe I was actually reading that.
Let’s take a look at these two tweets [screenshots taken from here]:
That’s not someone who’s struggling for the right words, that’s someone who got angry and fired off tweets before his brain could catch up and tell him it wasn’t a good idea. And this time it’s not some Delta worker or a random person at a restaurant, it’s his former co-workers.
Like this tweet to Robbie especially is not someone who is concerned about tone. If anything, he’s thinking exactly about tone because he’s choosing specific words and even hashtagging them:
And yeah sure he deleted that Robbie tweet but we remembered it, and we also remembered how there wasn’t any public apology for it.
Speaking of apologies, his apologies after were PR-based and stupid, first telling us not to attack anyone, so basically standing by his words, and then the real PR apology that felt really manufactured.
Another thing that irritates me is that if he read the damn article he would have seen it was a script commitment. According to him, Jensen told him the next morning that nothing had even been shot yet, when, duh it’s a script commitment. Jarpad should know what those are — he’s the EP for his own fucking show.
Gutted, coward, etc etc — that’s not someone who’s thinking about how to keep things civil — and indeed — if he was trying to do that he would have messaged these people privately before taking to twitter. This was a cry baby hissy fit, nothing less.
Moving on from that fun trip to Gaslight Land —
This part of the article also pissed me off:
Like — does he listen to himself or anything? That’s what you made. You are a white male in a law enforcement position on this show. Sure there are more family elements to it but it’s still a cop show. It’s not a procedural cop show but a cop show nonetheless.
And I dislike the origin story he keeps peddling in these PR interviews about the show. Seeing an article in 2018 of a border guard who questioned himself after seeing children in prison does not lead to a cop show reboot from a pop culture classic. Where’s the connection, other than “cop guy feels bad”.
It’s just such a tone-deaf thing to say, really, that you weren’t interested in making a tall, white, straight law enforcement character kicking minorities in the face. I haven’t watched it in detail, so IDK if he does ever roundhouse a person of color in the face, but you still made a show about a white man who’s a Texas Ranger. A group, I may add, that’s had some controversial history (like all of law enforcement really but still).
You could have actually done something with a border crossing guard having a crisis of faith. Maybe make the guard a third-generation Mexican immigrant, or really the son or daughter of any immigrant from Central/South America who’s wrestling with identity or something. Something other than a stale reboot of a pop culture show from back in the day that has nothing to do with the origin story you keep repeating in all these interviews.
I’m not going to go into every line about the article, those two bits just really stood out to me the most.
#wank bl#sorry i just hated reading that and just how it's just a continued hollow PR run for the season finale#i usually don't care about PR articles but this one really irked e#*me#i'm probably missing pooints but i'm not really that awake right now akwjeflakwjef#ETA the first paragraph i was talking about
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Not Your Average Love Story (SPN x CM)
Sam Winchester x Spencer Reid
Word Count: ~3490
Warnings: Show-level violence, but that’s about it! It’s bizarrely fluffy.
A/N: My first square for @cmbingo: “meet the parents.” This is essentially a rewrite of Supernatural 12x01, “Keep Calm and Carry On,” except Spencer and Sam are adorable dorky murder boyfriends.
Thanks to @fangirlxwritesx67 for the read-through!
When Spencer realizes he’s in love with Sam, he’s on a plane, hoping to make it to Kansas before the sun goes dark.
He looks out the window at the too-orange light, thinking, this is a weird twist for a love story. He turns that thought over in his mind and realizes: love.
Oh.
It takes him by surprise, for some reason, but only for a second. He’s starting to get used to surprises.
* * *
Spencer has always been self-aware enough to realize that his intellect and his lack of social skills would not make it easy to strike up a traditional relationship. Then, of course, you factor in his obsessive tendencies, his attachment issues, and the stresses of his job, and it’s not actually surprising that he made it past the age of thirty before he fell in love for the first time. Considering how that ended, it’s definitely a surprise — if not a minor miracle — that he’s made it this far with Sam.
Then again, nothing about their relationship has been predictable. Spencer never guessed he’d meet his future partner while dissecting a dessicated brain.
Ever since Spencer Reid met Sam Winchester, his life has been one surprise after another.
* * *
The third unanswered call makes him nervous, but he figures Sam must be asleep, or at least he should be asleep. If Spencer finds himself doing ninety mph in his tiny rental car, it’s mostly because Kansas highways don’t seem to follow the usual laws of physics. They’re flat and endless and eerie in the grey pre-dawn light.
The moment he opens the door, Spencer knows something is wrong. He spares a wishful thought for his Kevlar, and then he draws his gun, falling automatically into the too-familiar stance as he silently descends the stairs.
There’s blood on the floor.
This doesn’t surprise him in the slightest.
* * *
Spencer tends to spend a lot of time visualizing hypothetical problems and their solutions. He’s good at imagining all the potential outcomes of a particular scenario and calculating their likelihoods based on given variables. He frequently does this at night, instead of sleeping.
In other words, he worries a lot.
If he were in a normal relationship he would probably worry about normal things. For example: whether Spencer was misreading the situation, whether it was okay to run a thorough background check on them, and what to wear on a date. What would their first argument be about? What would their parents think of him? What would his mom think of them?
About thirty-six hours after they met, Sam saved Spencer’s mom from a wraith; first impressions don’t get much better than that.
The normal worries were rapidly eclipsed by Sam-specific worries. For example: what if he got cursed, what if he got possessed, and were there angels or demons after him this week. Why couldn’t Dean either drive a little slower or get a car with less antiquated safety features? How would Spencer help if Sam got hurt on the job? Should he tell the B.A.U. what he’s been learning about the supernatural?
He does end up telling them everything; Sam and Dean show up at a crime scene, Hotch almost arrests them, and it turns out that one of the serial killers they’ve been hunting for a decade is actually a skinwalker.
But the point is that when Spencer sees blood on the floor, he isn’t surprised. He’s visualized this scenario — and several hundred variations on it — before.
* * *
He hears a raised voice in the library and takes the steps two at a time. There are two complete strangers there, a blonde woman aiming a gun at a man, and Spencer’s training kicks in before he can figure out why she looks familiar.
“Federal agent, hands in the air,” he barks.
He can see the split-second when the woman thinks about turning her gun on him, but she seems to think better of it, and she sets the gun down slowly before putting her hands in the air.
“Who are you?” the man demands. “What did you do with Sam?”
“What — Sam?” Spencer asks, panic rising in his throat. “Spencer Reid, FBI. Who —”
“You’re Spencer?” he asks, brow furrowed.
Spencer realizes: “You’re Castiel.”
“Whoa, whoa, hey, gun down,” Dean interrupts. “It’s okay! She’s okay, Spence!”
“Dean? You’re alive?” Castiel grabs him before he can say anything else.
Spencer lowers his gun slowly. He’s starting to hyperventilate. He wants to know how Dean is still alive, yes, but he’s watching the way they embrace, the smile on Cas’s face and the way Dean’s shoulders seem to drop like he’s relaxing for the first time in a long time, and all he can think about is —
“Can somebody tell me where the hell Sam is?” Spencer asks, voice cracking embarrassingly.
“He’s not here,” Castiel says.
The woman looks between Cas and Spencer, eyes wide, and it’s not clear who she’s talking to when she asks, “Who are you?”
“He’s my —” Dean starts.
Cas cuts him off by saying, “He’s Sam’s —” at the same time Spencer blurts out, “He’s an angel.”
“Come again?” the woman asks, and when she sees the way Dean shifts nervously, she adds, “Not that, I don’t care about — you said angel?”
“Angel. You know. Wings, harp.”
“Not actually,” Spencer tells her, just as Cas scowls and says, “No, I don’t have a harp.”
“Cas, Spencer,” Dean says, and he pauses, swallowing hard. “This is Mary. Mary Winchester.”
Spencer and Cas speak in unison again, Cas in a gruff monotone as Spencer’s voice goes squeaky: “Your mother?”
Of all the things Spencer has worried about, he never thought he would never have to worry about making a bad first impression on Sam’s parents. Sam’s parents are dead.
Except… apparently not. Apparently Sam’s mom has been resurrected, and Spencer just pulled a gun on her.
“Nice to meet you,” Mary says softly, with a tentative smile.
For a second he freezes, staring at her, and his mind starts racing, recalculating, replanning, getting his worrying done after the fact, and Spencer has no idea what to say. He never made a plan for this.
“Nice to meet you,” he responds, flushing. “Um. Sorry about that.”
“I’d have done the same thing if I were you.” She smiles, and she doesn’t look much like Sam, but the kindness in her eyes is so very familiar. Spencer’s breath catches.
“She’s not kidding, shoulda seen the way she pinned me when I tried to introduce myself,” Dean grumbles. Then he turns to Castiel and says, “Tell me what happened to Sam.”
As Castiel starts to explain the details, Spencer calls Penelope.
“FBI, office of the brilliant but under-caffeinated,” she says, slightly less chirpy than he’s used to, and Spencer realizes how early it is. Oops.
“It’s me.”
“Oh! Boy genius! They did it, huh? Hotch called us back in, like, as soon as the sun came back on, because apparently criminals don’t stop just because the world is ending, or whatever, but he wanted to give you a day at least — hey, are you okay? How’s that handsome lumberjack of yours?”
“Sam’s missing,” Spencer says without preamble. “I need your help.”
It takes Penelope approximately a minute to find the car and identify the driver, but the identity of his passenger is a little more elusive. She types away, keys clattering ceaselessly in the background, as Spencer yawns.
“Got it! Okay, I have a cell number. If you call her, I can track it. You ready?”
“Dean, give me your phone?” Spencer asks, holding out a hand. “You stay on the line with Penelope. She can tell you as soon as she gets the address.”
“I can make the call,” Dean says. “I want to have a word with this bitch.”
“Dean,” Spencer snaps. “First of all, I’m the only person here who’s trained in hostage negotiation. Finding people is literally in my job description.”
“This isn’t a fuckin’ bank holdup, this is my brother,” Dean retorts. “It’s my job to take care of him.”
“If you call her a bitch and start in on your threatening macho bullshit, she’s going to hang up, or worse, she’s going to believe you, and then she’ll be trying to get you before you can get to Sam. I know how to talk to people like this. If I can convince her I’m scared, that I’m not a real threat, she might give something away.”
“But —”
“Secondly, the only people who know you’re alive are in this room right now, which means you’re our best chance to take her by surprise when we get there, so shut up and let me do my job.”
“You really think you can find him,” Dean says, and it’s not a question. He holds out his phone with a look of begrudging respect.
“Yes.”
Spencer thinks, I have to.
* * *
People aren’t all the same, but if you could quantify the concept of normal, if you could look at it statistically, most people would fall within the standard deviation. Most of their lives take an even, predictable shape, Spencer thinks. There are plenty of other people like them, and they seem to fit with each other, too, interlocking in an easy way that Spencer has always envied.
Spencer’s got all these awkward uneven edges and strange angles. He’s not normal, and he’s always known that.
For a long time, he doesn’t think he’ll ever find someone who’ll fit easily, not without changing him, trying to reshape him in some way. He doesn’t want to change, but he gets lonely. Most people (friends, let alone lovers) don’t last long before they get sick of his quirks. Some try longer than others, but one way or another, there’s always some jarring part of him that doesn’t match what they want.
What if they like to sleep with the windows open, even in the winter? Or if they sleep with the air conditioning cranked up in the summer? Spencer knows he should be better about compromising on little things like that, but he really prefers things a certain way. He knows it’s neurotic. He can’t help it.
Spencer is used to people staring blankly when he starts talking, but at what point will it drive someone away? When will they stop pretending to care about his Doctor Who opinions? When will they get bored of his info-dumping?
And then there are the really difficult questions. How does he tell someone he used to be an addict? What if he doesn’t want to tell them about being kidnapped and tortured? What if he does, and then they start asking questions? How does he explain his PTSD, or his nightmares, or his bedtime routine of triple-checking every lock and setting his gun within arm’s reach?
At first, when he met Sam, Spencer worried about arguments and parents and all the other normal things, but more importantly, he worried about himself. He wondered which of his irregularities would finally make Sam give up on his attempts to fit Spencer into his life.
Neither of them sleep much, but when they do end up sharing a bed, Sam has his own routine; while Spencer checks the locks, Sam draws warding symbols, lines each window and door with salt, and sets his gun within reach. He likes the windows closed and the thermostat above 68, because, he explains simply, “Lucifer runs cold.”
Speaking of Lucifer. Sam understands addiction, kidnapping, torture, PTSD, and nightmares, and he doesn’t ask Spencer to tell his stories before he’s ready. Sam has stories of his own.
Sam also has his own Doctor Who opinions, and those opinions were the cause of their very first argument. Sam is wrong, but Spencer loves that he cares enough to argue.
The first time Spencer started rambling about serial killers, he noticed Sam frowning and cut himself off, embarrassed, ready to apologize. Sam just pulled out a journal and asked him to repeat what he’d said, so that Sam could do more research on the subject later.
Sam doesn’t expect him to change. He doesn’t try to re-shape Spencer. His life is just as weird, and by all logic they shouldn’t fit, but they do. And Spencer doesn’t feel any less himself, but suddenly he realizes that he must’ve changed along the way, because he can’t imagine his life without Sam any more; if they can’t find him, his absence is going to tear Spencer apart.
* * *
It’s a tense car ride, to say the least.
Hell of a first impression, Spencer thinks again, glancing at Mary’s pale, worried face in the rearview.
Castiel and Mary are in the backseat, and they’re trying to make small talk, but Castiel seems to be about as good as Spencer at the whole “casual conversation” thing. Sam’s told him so much about Castiel, Spencer feels like he knows him, but they’ve never actually crossed paths before.
And then there’s Dean, who’s got his jaw clenched, staring straight ahead. Spencer gives him directions, and he grunts or nods, but he doesn’t say anything else.
Dean intimidates the hell out of him, but they’ve always gotten along fine, maybe because Spencer’s never yelled at him before. He’s very aware that arguing with Dean Winchester is usually fruitless at best (and deadly at worst), but he’s never been good at holding his tongue when he’s upset.
“I’m sorry,” Spencer manages to mutter eventually.
“Huh?” Dean looks at him, frowning.
“About earlier. I didn’t mean to — um.”
“Nah, it’s fine,” Dean says gruffly.
“I was upset. I’m sorry.”
Dean shrugs, and he hesitates before adding, “You were right.” He looks as surprised to be saying it as Spencer is to hear it.
Spencer blinks at him a couple times before hurriedly saying, “Turn left. There.”
Cas and Mary are having a quiet conversation about the weirdness of technology, and Spencer is about to join them when Dean speaks up again.
“Garcia — she said something funny.”
“Uh oh.”
Dean snorts. “Nah, not like that. Before she hung up, she told me not to worry. Said of everybody she knows, Sam probably has the second-best odds of escaping any poor sap who tries to abduct him.”
“Second best?”
“That’s what I said. But apparently that title belongs to you.”
“I wouldn’t bet on it. All I can do is talk myself out, he’s stronger.” Spencer gives him a crooked attempt at a smile; it feels awkward on his face, but he means it when he says, “He’ll be okay.”
* * *
The funny thing is, Spencer has been in this situation before.
When it was Maeve, though, he panicked, because all he could think about was how she must feel: scared, helpless. Spencer has too much empathy sometimes. Imagining Maeve’s helplessness made him feel like he was drowning.
This is different. He’s not exactly zen about the whole situation, of course; it feels like a piece of him is missing, but he’s clear-headed, because he knows that Sam is anything but helpless. He trusts Sam to take care of himself.
Aside from the supernatural element, Sam’s job is astoundingly similar to Spencer’s, and he’s astoundingly good at it. The Winchesters have consulted on a couple cases, now, for the B.A.U. (Spencer’s still not sure how Hotch manages the paperwork) and they try to find cases in the same general area as wherever Spencer winds up, so they’ve gotten to work together a few times. Sam’s sheer competence at his job might be the most attractive thing Spencer has ever seen.
Spencer used to imagine a quiet, mundane romance. He always just assumed he’d find someone whose life was more normal than his, and he was resigned to the stress it would cause in a relationship. He’d forget to call, he’d miss dinner, he’d have to cancel plans and be absent from so much of what constituted a normal domestic life, and his partner would be left at home, alone, all too aware of how much danger Spencer could be in, helpless to do anything about it.
Instead, Spencer found Sam. Spencer never has to feel guilty about missing dinner, because Sam isn’t at home worrying about him. Sam is out there saving the world.
Sam is not going to wait for Spencer to rescue him; he might not even need rescuing, at this point. Instead of worrying about what Sam is doing and whether he’s scared, Spencer can focus on his own plan.
* * *
He and Dean circle slowly around the house. They spot the entrance to the basement, and Dean almost runs right to it, but Spencer grabs his arm and points to the sigils around the door.
Spencer notices movement through a window next to the back door, and when they creep up to get a glimpse inside, he sees two women. One is the blonde — the brains of the operation — and the other is stockier, clearly the muscle.
After a quick conversation in whispers and gestures, Dean sneaks around to the side of the house opposite the basement, and a second later Spencer hears him shout. He waits a couple seconds and glances in the window again, and sure enough, the bigger woman is gone while the blonde is watching something on a computer monitor, looking agitated. Security cameras, maybe.
Spencer is about to go inside when he sees the blonde start, look around, and grab a cattle prod. Then she’s hurrying toward a door, sliding back a heavy deadbolt, and Spencer sees a dark stairwell that must lead to the basement.
He slips through the door and follows her.
For a split-second, the scene in the basement almost stops his heart. Sam is lying on the floor, completely still, his head surrounded by a puddle of blood.
But before Spencer can really process what he’s seeing, let alone react, Sam is in motion: lashing out, grabbing her by the throat, shoving her against the wall. Spencer descends the stairs quietly with his gun at the ready, trying not to make any noise that might distract Sam right now.
Sam doesn’t need his help. There’s blood on his damp clothes and his arms are shaking as the blonde goes limp in his grip, but he’s alive; he doesn’t need Spencer’s help, and Spencer isn’t the slightest bit surprised.
When Sam turns and sees him, he doesn’t look surprised either. He just smiles, all dimples and sparkling eyes in spite of his obvious pain as he limps over.
“Sorry that took me so long,” Spencer says casually, trying to control his grin. He doesn’t want to holster his gun yet, so he keeps it trained on the woman and hugs Sam one-armed.
Sam wraps his arms around Spencer, holding on tight. Spencer rests his forehead on Sam’s shoulder, taking a second to breathe as he feels missing pieces sliding neatly into place.
“Love you,” Sam says, and the words sound like a sigh of relief. He pulls back, and he looks surprised, like he didn’t actually mean to say that out loud.
Spencer’s about to reply when he sees the woman struggling to her feet, reaching for her cattle prod, and so instead he says, “Look out.”
Sam steps sideways to give him a clear shot. Spencer shoots her in the thigh and she screams as she falls to the floor.
“See how you like it,” Sam tells her, with a vicious little smile.
“I love you too,” Spencer blurts out.
For a second they both pause, grinning at each other like idiots, their surroundings forgotten.
Then there’s a sound from overhead, and Sam asks hurriedly, “The other one. Did you take her out already?”
“Dean’s got her,” Spencer tells him. “We should check on him, then we can come back down and deal with — Sam?”
At first he can’t figure out why Sam’s mouth drops open like that, shocked and disbelieving. Then he remembers.
“Dean’s alive?” Sam asks, a smile spreading slowly over his face. Spencer nods, wrapping an arm around Sam’s ribs, supporting him as he limps gingerly toward the stairs. It feels like he’s forgetting something.
There’s another noise, and then Mary is in the doorway, looking down at them.
Oh.
Sam turns to Spencer silently, like he’s waiting for confirmation that she’s real.
Spencer nods. “Yeah. So — um. Surprise?”
Sam doesn’t actually seem all that surprised, because… of course he doesn’t. He blinks at Spencer a couple times and then he grins.
“You met my mom before I did,” Sam says, breathless and amused, and grabs the banister to haul himself up the stairs. Spencer laughs and follows him, smiling to himself.
It’s not your average “meet the parents” scene, but somehow, it fits Sam and Spencer perfectly.
Nothing about their love story has been normal. Why start now?
.
.
.
#cmbingo21#criminal minds#supernatural#sam winchester x spencer reid#spencer reid fic#sam winchester fic
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u wanna say anything for spn ending? Today's their last day of filming
Yeah sure! I love how you worded this ask, it makes me want to give a very serious answer. I’ve been rewatching random episodes the past few days and thinking about how much of my life was shaped by this random lil tv show, both positively and negatively, so here we go.
I started watching Supernatural during my junior year of college, when I was grappling with being gay and religious, and had a pseudo-girlfriend who was emotionally abusive. I remember I started watching the show because I had been on tumblr for a while and thought, well this is a popular show on tumblr and looks like something I’d enjoy, so I might as well try it. I remember barely paying attention to the first season and thinking it was kind of silly, and I distinctly remember making fun of it right up until the season 1 finale when that truck slammed into the Impala and I said oh.
I remember sitting in the dining hall between classes, hiding in a corner with my pink headphones and my laptop, watching one episode after the other, completely consumed by it. My personal life was a mess at the time and I was angry and sad and frustrated, but I could forget about everything for a little while when I watched spn. I remember falling in love with Dean Winchester, season 3, when Sam gave him the amulet.
Because I had already spent a lot of time on tumblr, I knew about Castiel. I couldn’t wait to get to season 4, the anticipation killed me. I didn’t really have a choice in shipping destiel, I literally shipped it before I even watched a single episode of the show lol. My first time watching seasons 4 and 5, I remember how mad I would feel every time the opening credits scrolled at the bottom of the screen and Misha Collins wasn’t listed. I cared about almost nothing but Dean and Cas interacting with each other. I was totally enamored by them, by their potential. At some point I got over that and watched the show because I liked the show, but boy did my heart and brain break for destiel.
I broke up with my abusive girlfriend. I started coming out to more people, including people involved in the Christian campus ministry I was heavily involved in, and it was very very hard. It was 2013. The first episode of Supernatural I watched live was the episode where Dean turns into a fucking dog.
I don’t remember when I started reading fanfic, and I had no idea how to read fanfic. A friend invited me to ao3, what is ao3? I didn’t know. I used my email address as my username. I read Twist and Shout and Pie Without Plot and other very popular fics that I knew about because everybody knew about them. I vividly remember the first fics I read because I was 21 years old and had never had an orgasm in my life and believed sex was sinful and so when the sex scenes in fics turned me on, I felt guilty about it.
I quickly got over that and started writing explicit destiel fanfic.
I still had no idea what I was doing. I know the very first fic I ever wrote was a mess, I’ve completely erased all traces of it, but other than that I began posting with abandon. Pretty much everything I’ve ever written for spn is still on tumblr and/or ao3. I was running a Hannibal blog at the time and started posting more Supernatural content than Hannibal content, so I created a sideblog, @deancasheadcanons, and things very quickly got out of hand after that.
I was depressed, I was confused, I was spending my last couple years of college trying to figure out my sexuality, trying to hold onto a religion that was rejecting who I was becoming, trying to find my identity while picking a career path and being sad and being pulled in a hundred different directions. Sometimes I was working three jobs at once, on top of 17-credit-hour semesters. I was getting a degree in a field I did not care about, and I spent every class reading and writing fanfic, scrolling through tumblr, making internet friends, letting my life be consumed by Supernatural. I projected myself completely onto Dean Winchester and partially onto Castiel and did not even realize it.
I started dressing like Dean, and my sister and brother-in-law noticed and assumed I was gay. They were extremely unsubtle in their attempts at getting me to come out by pointing out the flannel and army jackets, and I did not have it in me to admit to them that I was dressing like a fictional character, but I DID tell them I was bisexual.
I went to therapy every week during my senior year of college, and I was embarrassed about how often I talked about my “internet life,” as I called it. I remember having the arbitrary goal of getting 1,000 kudos on a fanfic, and I remember the day it happened for the first time and I remember going to therapy that week and saying that I didn’t feel any different, that I thought getting attention for my writing would make me feel better, somehow, but I still felt the same, and my therapist asked me if I would still be writing if I was the only one who got anything out of it and I said yes. But I was still obsessed with writing things that were meaningful, and despite the fact that I would receive 10 negative/mean anons per day, I never turned anon off because I desperately wanted people to tell me that my writing meant something to them, that it mattered to them. I was fighting with myself every day over my sexuality and my identity and my purpose, and I put all of that on the shoulders of Dean and Cas.
There was also chubby!dean. I had lived my entire life with this inexplicable thing, this shame that I knew I could not share, that I knew I would just have to suffer with for my whole life, and then I joined the spn fandom and found that there were others like me, others that had a fetish and had similar experiences as I did and were drawn to Dean Winchester because there’s no other character that could make eating and gaining weight be as enticing as he makes it (in fanfic). For the first time in my life I had a community of people that I could relate to about a thing that I never thought I would ever be able to talk about with anyone in my life. I don’t remember if I consciously chose to start posting publicly about it, but at some point I did, and I started writing kink fic, but I was still so uncomfortable with myself and so scared of the things I felt, and I tried so hard to temper myself and not offend anyone and not go “too far” and not be too weird and I was so sexually repressed and pent up and full of guilt and shame, and so now when I go back and reread some of the stuff I wrote it feels like reopening an old wound and letting myself bleed out.
I was constantly comparing myself to others and wondering why I wasn’t getting as much attention as so-and-so, and I always made excuses about how maybe my writing was too weird and I was too much and maybe I just wasn’t good enough and I hated myself and wanted to delete everything I ever wrote, but also I’m awesome and receive a lot of attention and get a lot of good feedback but maybe that means I’m just a narcissist! I acted like an asshole online and justified it by saying it wasn’t really me, that I could be someone totally different on tumblr than the person I was in “real life,” but in hindsight, now when I think back on my early 20s, I cannot separate what I was doing in “real life” from what I was doing in the spn fandom. I shared so much of myself with the spn fandom without even recognizing that that’s what I was doing.
And I made mistakes, god I made mistakes, and I tried to be so careful about everything I said but I was also presenting a certain version of myself to the spn fandom so that people would like me (for instance: running a destiel blog and trying my best to hide the fact that I also ship wincest) and still I got in trouble constantly, and I grew bitter and mean because you can only receive the “when are you posting the next chapter?” comment so many times before you want to bang your head into a wall. I became defensive and unkind, afraid to check my inbox because it was a nightmare, and yet unable to turn off anon because, like I said, I desperately needed that feedback, I needed people to tell me that they felt what I felt, that they understood what I was writing and why I was writing it.
I expected Supernatural to give me everything I needed. I fantasized about Dean Winchester being canonically bisexual because I thought it would confirm something in me, that it would somehow make my life a little bit easier. I didn’t want to watch other shows that could maybe help me, I wanted Supernatural to do things for me that it had never promised and would never deliver, and it’s because I was defined by it for so many years. Now that I’m back on tumblr, I’ve been going back through some of my old posts on deancasheadcanons and it’s like reading a stranger’s words. Even so, I find myself telling people “I was deancasheadcanons” instead of “I ran a sideblog called deancasheadcanons” because it really was such a huge part of my identity. What’s wild is that every time I’ve tried to explain it to someone in real life, they just look at me like I’m not making any sense.
It was easy to stop watching Supernatural. I didn’t have cable, and I had been driving to my dad and stepmom’s house each week and watching it on their tv after they had gone to bed. I was in a new relationship with a woman I nearly married, I was back in school for a new career, I was working full time and absolutely did not have time to continue writing fanfic as prolifically as I had done for so many years. I finally reached a breaking point in 2017 and haven’t watched any new episodes since then (I don’t remember the last episode I saw). But now, as I rewatch some old episodes, it is easy to feel the way I felt the first time I watched the show. It’s easy to see why this campy little heartfelt show was a lifeline during my formative adult years.
So it turns out I have never reckoned with any of this, have never written it down, hence the 2k jumble of words you see here. And it’s like, I know that a lot of this may seem silly, trivial, especially for a show that in itself is not very serious, but as it comes to an end I have to reflect on it as a person who put so much of my heart, my creativity, my pain and my floundering identity into it. I am somewhat embarrassed and wish I could respond to this ask with a joke instead, but we’re in a pandemic and I live alone and have had way too much time to think and reflect and become a lot more self-aware, and part of that reflection has definitely been about my time in the spn fandom. I remember thinking the show was never going to end, yet here we are at the end and I felt compelled to type all this out with a desire to, I don’t know, get some closure? Convince myself that I was a whole person, that I wasn’t just a faceless URL posting destiel fics into the void, that my real life was not at all disparate from the time I spent online? In any case, I’ll always think fondly of the time I devoted to Supernatural, and I’ll take the good and the bad and everything in between. Thanks for the nice ask, anon, apparently I needed to get some things off my chest.
#madd replies#long post#spn for ts#this is 2k words i am sorry lmao#wouldn't it be cool if i had any semblance of chill
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Breaking and Entering
Pairing: None
Tags: scared!reader, tired!reader, awkward!Sam, baseball bat
Word Count: 1,528
A/N: Thanks to @spn-imagines-nation for the prompt!
(Gif not mine)
It had been a hellish day at work. After your eight-hour shift had turned into a twelve-hour shift, you were about two seconds away from quitting your job and becoming a stripper instead. Hell, that had been your backup plan for as long as you could remember, but lately, you were more serious than you ever had been. You couldn't wait to get the hell out of there. As soon as you got a raise at your full-time job, you were gone. Quite frankly, that day couldn't come soon enough. Even as part-time, retail was ridiculous. The number one rule was "the customer is always right," and they knew it, too. The especially difficult ones would come in with an un-returnable product and then throw a fit when you couldn't give them anything back for it. In your opinion, someone should put a law in place that forced everyone to work a retail job for at least a year. Maybe then you wouldn't be treated like shit so much.
You were exhausted when you got home - too exhausted even to eat, which was seriously saying something. As soon as you got back home, you had gone upstairs, taken off all clothes aside from your panties and bra, and collapsed into bed. Thankfully, it was a Friday night, and you had the next two days off. Your weekend plans consisted of sleeping from Saturday to Sunday if needed, and pretty much nothing else. That is until a noise from downstairs had your eyes popping open. Instantly, you were wide awake, despite your tiredness when you lay down. For years, your dad had nagged you about installing an alarm system in your house, but you never had seriously considered it, unfortunately. It would definitely come in handy right now.
As you reached over to grab your phone from your nightstand, your heart sunk in your chest. Seriously? Where the hell was it? Obviously, not where it usually was, but still, you couldn't believe your luck. You had to bite your tongue to keep from swearing as you remembered the location of your cellphone. Last night, you had plopped it down on a console table next to the front door with your keys. Peachy. If anything else happened, you were going to start thinking the misfortune of all those busty girls in the hoaky horror movies were for real. Here you were, alone in your house, in your underwear, and your phone was downstairs along with the intruder. Really, this was just perfect.
Swinging your legs over the side of your bed, you were careful not to let the floorboards creak beneath you. You were pretty much already toast, but even more so if you made any noise sneaking up on said intruder. It was moments like these that always made you question your life decisions. For example, not owning a gun, or even a FOID card, for that matter. No, instead, you were stuck with an old aluminum baseball bat from when you were in middle school. Not the worst weapon, in retrospect, but definitely not your first choice either.
As you padded down the (thankfully) carpeted stairs, you tried to keep your heart from beating too loudly, without much luck. At this rate, if your knees knocking together didn't give you away, your loud-ass heartbeat sure as hell would. You glanced around the corner of the wall at the bottom of the staircase, straining your eyes as you peered into the dark living room. The silhouette of a hulking figure moved around the back of your couch, facing away from you. You could tell by the build of the figure that he was a man, but what was he looking for? Too bad for him, it was going to be lights out before he found it. You reared up your bat above your shoulder, letting out a battle cry as you rushed him. Hearing you come up behind him, the man whirled around, ducking your makeshift weapon in the nick of time. You made a note to yourself: no battle cry in the future.
"Scumbucket!" you screeched, swinging the bat around wildly.
"Y/N, hey, it's me!" As the tall man dodged your strikes, something clicked in the back of your brain. You knew that voice.
“Sam?" As you finally realized who was in your home, you flicked on the light.
"Hi," he said with an awkward wave. Narrowing your eyes, you allowed the bat to fall to the floor with a loud clang.
"'Hi?'" You smacked him hard in the arm several times.
"Ow!" he exclaimed, backing away.
"You scared the shit out of me!" you hollered at him.
"Yeah, I can see that," he replied. He gestured to you, clearing his throat uncomfortably as he made an effort not to look. "Y-you... you're, ah..." You glanced down at yourself, half-surprised to see that you were still in your underwear. You had sort of forgotten about that part. Squeezing your eyes shut, you made a face as you shook your head.
"I just can't catch a break, can I?" you muttered. Sam reached for the pile of clean laundry you had been meaning to put away, snagging a shirt and pair of shorts.
"Here," he said, still not making eye contact. You smirked at him as you took the clothes, pulling them on.
"Oh, come on, Sam," you teased. "It's not anything you haven't seen before." The man went beet red.
"W-well, that's-" he stammered. "I-I mean, I-" You snorted.
"Relax. I'm kidding." Sam seemed relieved, letting his shoulders relax. "Listen," you started again. "Not that I'm not happy to see you - I am, seriously, I'm super glad you're not a burglar - but what are you doing here at..." Glancing at a clock on the wall, you sighed. "Four in the morning?" For the first time since he arrived, you got a good look at him, squinting in confusion at his apparel. "And why are you in your FBI gear?" Suddenly, it all clicked, and you held up a finger at him. "Oh, no. No. You did not come here and break into my house at the ass-crack of dawn, by the way, for a case!”
"Look, I'm sorry I scared you," Sam apologized, "but you were a huge help last time, and I could use a hand." You shook your head again as you began to pace. The last time you helped the Winchesters, things got ugly. Like, had to lay low for two months and move away ugly. Because of them, you had to totally uproot your life and start over, and that was something you were not doing again. But the last time you helped the Winchesters, you also saved lives. You helped people, you killed a bad guy, and the world had become a little better because of it. You couldn't just sit idly by knowing that more people might die if you didn't help out.
"And this case is in town?" Sam nodded.
"Yeah. It's the owner of that general goods store down the road." He laid a hand on your shoulder as he looked you in the eye, forcing you to come to a halt. Damn him. He knew you were a goner for those puppy-dog eyes. "I've gotta be honest with you here. It won't be easy, and I hate that I would be putting you in danger," he confessed. "But I can't do this by myself." You gnashed your teeth together.
"And your brother can't help you?"
"No," Sam replied. "He's in Oregon dealing with a poltergeist." You would be lying if you said you weren't at least a tiny bit intrigued.
"What is it?" you questioned. "Vengeful spirit? Ghoul?"
"Vampire," he answered, earning a surprised look.
"Vampire?” you echoed. "Huh. That's a new one." You had to admit, ever since the boys had left town, life had been painfully boring. "Damn it," you grumbled. With a final huff, you pushed his hand from your shoulder and headed toward the kitchen. "All right." You reached for the coffee pot. If you were going to do this at this hour, caffeine was a must.
"Does that mean..?" Sam asked, hopefully from the living room. You had to hide your eagerness as you turned back around to face him.
"Yeah, I'll help you." Instantly, he let out a breath of relief. "Get in here and give me the rundown before I change my mind and go back to bed." Seeming to call your bluff, he tilted his head, the hint of a smile tugging at his lips.
"Well, if it's really too much trouble, I can just go," he offered. As he turned to leave, you grabbed onto his wrist to keep him in place.
"All right, you got me," you revealed. "I'm weirdly excited. Things have been too... normal since you and your brother left." Sam chuckled. "Now sit your ass down while I make some coffee." Once the coffee began to percolate, you sat down across from the youngest Winchester at the kitchen table, allowing your enthusiasm to show in your eyes. "So. Tell me about our monster."
Thank you for reading! <3
As always, links to my masterlist, taglist, and inbox (requests are open!) are in my bio!
My Everythings:
@cole-winchester @alexwinchester23 @1-am-made-of-stardust @thorukindig @fiftyshadesoffandom6783 @hobby27 @supernaturalenchanted @organicpurplepants @odysseyofasiren @defenderrosetyler @crystal-lilac @youshrimpdickfucknugget
#Supernatural#fanfiction#Supernatural fanfiction#one shot#one shot fanfiction#Supernatural one shot#Sam Winchester#reader#original female character#female reader#burglar#scumbucket#not my original idea#my original work though#comedy?#you decide
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for the fic asks 32, 24, 40 and 45
32) Are any of your characters based on real people?
No, but I have used things people have said in fics. An old fic I wrote called put it all behind you includes several things an ex-boyfriend said to me that just stuck in my brain. The line "I guess that we could never be just friends, Dean. We're... we're Dean and Cas." is a take on something my ex-boyfriend said to me just a few weeks before I wrote that chapter. That fic was kind of like therapy for me at the time.
Also, there's a lot of dialogue in En Pointe between Cas, Meg, Bela etc that comes from actual conversations with friends. Bela's line of "It’s like a pigeon being best friends with a swan," is nearly a direct quote about me and my best friend as we're "like a unicorn being best friends with a crow"
24) How do you feel about writing smutty scenes?
I blush like a 13 year old talking to her crush when writing smutty scenes. I can do it but I need to have a smut writing playlist blaring in my ears and I can't write smut if anyone else is in the room.
40) Do people know you write fanfiction?
My fiance knows I write but I'll never, in a million years, let him read any of it. His sister aka my sister-in-law knows as well and has some of my stuff as she's in the spn fandom. She loves it and has promised to let my fiance read any of it. Especially the smutty stuff.
45) What spurs you on during the writing process?
A shit ton of coffee and the crushing weight of ineptitude
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Paper Rings
au college Sam Winchester x OFC Dani
Word Count: 1300
Tags: none, literally, this is a fluff bomb of cute fluffy love and soft baby Sammy feels, stationery shopping, kisses.
***
This one is for the best fanfic reviewer in the whole world, @dawnie1988. Her request:
Fluff. All the fluff. I want to be smothered in it.
I’m thinking Sam this time, either canon or canon adjacent Sam or something a little more in the stratosphere of your au ‘Show Me How’ type Sam, dealer’s choice on that one
Song Inspiration: Paper Rings by: Taylor Swift
***
"There's nothing like a brand new notebook to make you feel like anything is possible, right?"
Sam started. Was she talking to him? He turned his head to see a dark haired girl smiling eagerly at him.
"It's the best part of a new school year. The new notebooks, the new pens. Even though we're in college now, I still love it." She was looking at him, her dark eyes sparkling, clearly expecting him to say something.
"Uh, no." He stammered out.
"Oh, yeah, I guess maybe dudes aren't as into that?" Before he could answer, she continued. "Anyway, hi, I'm Dani. I'm so excited to be in this class. Aren't you?"
“No, I mean, yes.” Sam wasn’t usually this flustered. “No, it’s just, my parents weren’t really the ‘back to school’ shopping type. But yes, I’m looking forward to Educational Psychology.” Apparently that answer was enough to encourage Dani.
“Are you going to be a teacher? I am. I’ve always wanted to be a teacher. It runs in my family. My grandpa taught high school, and my dad is a professor. Even my mom teaches music. I want to teach Middle School. I feel like those kids just have so much potential, you know? Like, if you catch them there, you can change the course of their lives.”
“Uh, I’m Pre-Law.” Sam was trying to keep up and formulate some kind of response. “I’m Sam.”
“Nice to meet you, Sam.” Dani flashed him a bright smile and then turned to the front of the room as the professor walked in and called Educational Psychology to order. Sam was relieved to settle into the familiar territory of lecture, reading and taking notes. It was much easier than keeping up with Dani’s endless stream of chatter.
At the end of the class, he had to hurry to his next one, which he had unwisely scheduled across campus. But the next time he walked into the classroom, there was Dani. She seemed to have been waiting for him, hardly letting him sit down before she launched into a discussion that covered the last class as well as the homework for this class.
Sam was surprised to discover, in the flow of her words, that she had an astute grasp of the topic. He found himself agreeing with what she had to say, mostly in his head, of course, because she didn’t give him much chance to answer. When the class started, she responded to the professor’s questions with the same kind of enthusiasm - verbose, but knowledgeable.
From that day, Sam and Dani seemed to fall into easy companionship. They sat side by side in class, they studied together for tests, and they managed to team up for group projects.
They were friends, nothing more, but Sam treasured it. Dani was everything he was not: confident, chatty, secure in herself. He could tell that she was grounded by the support of her parents, who were present and caring, affirming her and encouraging her interests. It was a sharp contrast to his lost mother and distant father.
Sam and Dani studied for finals together like they had for everything else. For Educational Psychology, of course, but also for their other classes, sharing study tips and quizzing one another. The library was closing for the night when Sam stretched and looked at her. They had been lost in their books for hours.
“I don’t know about you, but I can only learn so much on an empty stomach. Wanna hit the diner?” Sam stood up and stretched. Dani agreed eagerly.
Once they were seated at a booth, Sam declared a study-free zone. He was launching into one of his favorite topics, about how brains need time to process, when Dani interrupted.
“I agree, Sam. No more school work.” She reached out and took his hand. He startled into silence. “Let’s just talk about us.”
As usual, Dani talked the most, saying ten words for every one of his. But the words he did say were honest, heartfelt. She made him feel comfortable enough to tell a little bit of the truth about his life. Dani listened intently, her expressive face displaying every emotion: sadness, confusion, and ultimately, concern.
“So the day we met, when you said your parents were not really the back to school shopping type, this is what you were talking about?”
“I… guess.” Sam wasn’t used to talking this much about himself. He felt himself get quiet, retreat back inward. He felt like maybe he had shared too much.
“That’s too bad. You really deserve better, you know?”
Sam was unsure how to react to such honest caring, so he shrugged. “It is what it is.” He answered dismissively. He paid for dinner and drove Dani back to her dorm. Like a gentleman, he got out of the car to open her door.
He was caught off guard when she threw her arms around his neck. Standing on tiptoes, she kissed him.
Kissing Dani was the easiest thing in the world. Sam already knew her, trusted her. Kissing her felt right. And at the same time-
“Dani, you don’t have to-”
She pulled back, her hands still locked around his neck, to look him full in the face. “Sam Winchester, I don’t do anything because someone thinks I have to. I want to, I want this, I want you.”
Sam wasn’t used to anyone knowing him, seeing him, much less wanting him. For a long moment he was silent, leaning his forehead against hers without speaking, their lips barely brushing.
“Kiss me once,” she whispered, “Kiss me twice, I’ve been waiting for this.”
He knew Dani, trusted her, so he let himself get lost in the moment. When she finally pulled away, reluctantly, the only thing he could find to say was, “Thank you.”
***
Sam and Dani finished at the top of their class in Educational Psychology. That class was the rule rather than the exception. Sam ended the semester with grades that would get him on the Dean’s List and guarantee two more years of scholarships. That was what he needed, to prove himself, to make this work.
Dani went home to her family, to enjoy the break and celebrate the holidays together. Sam took an overnight bus to the last town Dean had mentioned, and when his brother wasn’t there, he hitch hiked until he found him.
Dean greeted him with a giant hug.
“College boy, huh? Hope you’re not too fancy for spaghetti-os and some bad TV reruns with your big brother, huh?”
“Never.” Sam answered quickly.
***
Sam moved back to college for the spring semester at his earliest chance. He had kept in touch with Dani by text over the break, so he was not surprised when she returned to campus. What did surprise him was her insistence that they go to Target.
“I need things for my dorm,” she said. But when they got there, she skipped the housewares section entirely and headed straight to the office supplies.
Sam stood in the aisle between the sharpies and the binders, taking in the color coordinated staplers and stationery.
“It’s not back to school season, really.” Dani said. “But pick your notebooks.”
Sam shook his head, baffled. “No, I can get what I need at the dollar store.”
Dani almost stomped her foot. “C’mon Sam. This is my favorite thing, and I want to share it with you.” She took in his expression. “You can have nice things. You deserve this.”
At her urging, he picked up a few notebooks, a folder or two, and then a set of pens.
She held his hand as they left the store. “See, now that you have new school supplies, don’t you feel like anything is possible? ”
Sam took her face in both hands and kissed her, right there outside of Target.
“Wrap your arms around me, baby boy,” she murmured as she sank into his embrace.
“With you, Dani,” he murmured finally, “You’re the one I want. Yeah, anything is possible.”
***
This one’s unbeta’d so all the mistakes are on me.
***
SPN First Last and Always: @boondoctorwho @dawnie1988 @deanwanddamons @defenderrosetyler @divadinag @emoryhemsworth @fookinghelljensensthighs @idreamofplaid @kalesrebellion @kickingitwithkirk @maddiepants @magssteenkamp @onethirstyunicorn @there-must-be-a-lock @tloveswriting
Sam Girl For Life: @awesomesusiebstuff @lilsylvia @winchesterxfamilybusiness
Gay Screaming: @boondoctorwho, @cracksinthewalls, @fookinghelljensensthighs @itmighthavebeenintentional, @justcallmeasmodeus, @lastactiontricia @mskathywriteswords, @rockhoochie, @there-must-be-a-lock, @thoughtslikeaminefield
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spn advent calendar--ghost of christmas future
Established Dean/Cas, little more angsty than your typical fare.
---
It's not a good night.
Castiel spends thirty minutes longer than usual in the store, due to the congestion from holiday shoppers. He dodges mothers with crying, cranky children, and overly aggressive elderly people who seem to think that their impending demise entitles them to cut line. Entire shelves are wiped clean in the pre-holiday frenzy, and all Castiel really wants is to buy some creamer and some toilet paper. Unfortunately for him, Gabriel gave him a list as long as his arm earlier that morning, saying We need all of this if you want us to do any kind of baking this weekend, which. Castiel wasn't aware that he and his cousin had baking plans for the weekend. His weekend plans had included spending time at Dean's house and getting his brains fucked out but apparently he and Gabriel are baking.
Which is fine.
It's fine when Castiel has to call Gabriel from the store, speaking over the tinny piped in Christmas music, to ask about replacements for some groceries. It's fine when Gabriel snaps at him and demands that Castiel go to a different store to get what he needs. It's fine when Dean texts him and says that he's not coming over tonight because he just has too much work to do. It's fine when Castiel replies back with a short text of Excellent. I suppose that I'll just deal with Gabriel and the subsequent Christmas baking Hell by myself then.
It's fine.
"Aw, you forgot the cardamom," Gabriel pouts, sifting through the bags. "Cas, how are we supposed to make the bread without--"
"Here's an idea," Castiel snaps, slamming his hands on the counter. "How about the next time you want groceries, you take your own car and go to the store and buy it yourself, with your own money? Of which you have much!"
He storms off, leaving Gabriel to put away the rest of the groceries. There's always the chance that Gabriel will not put the groceries away, in which case Castiel will have wasted about $100, which would just be the shit cherry on this shit sundae of a day.
After he's in the solitude of his room, he checks his phone. Dean hasn't responded to his text which is fine, because Castiel wasn't expecting him to. It's a little absurd to send a snotty text to someone and expect them to act like everything's fine.
And it's fine that Dean hasn't texted, it's fine that he snapped at his cousin, it's fine that his groceries might be spoiling, it's fine that he can't seem to shake this black cloud that's followed him around the entire month.
It's fine.
---
Castiel wakes to a dimly lit room, which is strange, because he could have sworn that when he fell asleep the lights were out.
"Gabriel?" he slurs, rubbing at his eyes.
An ominous laugh greets his question. Castiel's stomach sinks. That laugh heralds nothing good.
"Gabriel, what did you do?" he calls, feeling a little more alert.
"Oh, there's no Gabriel here right now," Gabriel's voice answers.
Castiel is not nearly awake enough for this, but to be fair, he doesn't think that he'll ever be awake enough for this. "Then can I ask who's there?" He stifles a yawn as he slings himself out of bed. Clearly there's not going to be any more sleep for him until he gets to the bottom of the mystery.
"Come out and see!" Gabriel's voice calls from the living room.
"I'm sorry that I snapped at you," Castiel replies, shuffling down the hall. "But I really don't think that this is warranted. I have to teach a class tomorrow morning. So can’t you just draw on my face or switch my sugar with salt, or do whatever else it is that you want to do to…punish…”
Castiel’s voice trails off into nothing when he rounds the corner of his hallway and takes full stock of his living room. It’s been transformed into…well, he’s not sure, but it’s certainly not the picture perfect stock photo that it was when he went to bed.
Presents are strewn about the room, each with their own, brightly colored wrapping paper that shines in the light of dozens of candles placed around the room, in violation of every fire safety law known to man. Tables full of candy and cookies litter the rest of the remaining floor, leaving only a thin sliver of carpet between himself and Gabriel, lounging on a throne that Castiel knows for a fact was not in his living room when he went to bed.
“Gabriel?” Castiel asks, walking into his living room and promptly tripping over a pile of gifts. “What…when did you have time to set this up?” Gabriel’s resources are impressive, but surely Castiel would have noticed an entire moving crew in his house?
“I told you, there’s no Gabriel here right now!” Gabriel booms. Castiel flicks his eyes over to his cousin and freezes.
It’s a mark of how magnificently his living room was transformed that he didn’t pay attention to Gabriel’s own transformation. Instead of the increasingly rattier sweatpants and t-shirt that Gabriel’s been slumming around in, his cousin is dressed in a rich, red velvet robe trimmed with—Castiel’s never really seen ermine fur in person before, but he’d bet that’s what lines the neck and hems of Gabriel’s robe. A scepter dangles loosely from the fingers of his right hand, while his left hand holds aloft a blazing torch. A crown of ivy rests on his forehead at a jaunty angle.
“I’m the Ghost of Christmas Present,” Gabriel announces, and it’s then that Castiel’s stomach drops.
{Read the rest on Ao3}
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Tags under the cut--message/ask/reply to be added or removed!
@screamatthescreen @queenvee08 @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @dizzypinwheel @homeriics @stay-inside-the-salt-ring @deansbff @spaceshipkat @rogerslouis
#destiel#destiel fic#destiel fanfic#spnadventcalendar2019#castiel#dean winchester#gabriel#christmas fluff#and christmas angst#dothwrites
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Unforseen Chasm (part 9)
Part 9 of Unforseen Chasm
Prompt: Two sisters fall for men that are absolute enemies. The love they have could tear all of them apart, or it could bring them together.
Word Count: 1171
Note: This is by far the longest thing I’ve ever written (including my other fic series). first major Collab with my best friend @thorne93 what was first a simple “what if” moment turned into a two year writing session and I’ve never been more prouder of myself than when i started my first series. goes through most of the MCU plots there are some changes to accommodate for what we wanted and there is a bit of a crossover between the MCU and other characters. I hope you guys enjoy reading this just as much as I enjoyed writing it.
My dear, Shannon,
Haha I am sorry he scared Lucky, I will try to tell him to be more careful. That's great Tony let you two have a place at the tower! I bet that makes everything a ton easier! And hahah, I always knew Tony was a softey for dogs.
Oh my god, Shannon that is amazing news! Congratulations. I know you'll have so much fun! You need to wear the yellow dress, that short number, with the red pumps. Get your hair styled, and go for a natural look. Tony will die for that. Oh, I wish I was there to see your face when he asked….
Yes, please do tell me about Jane. I will tell Thor of her success, I’m sure he would be happy to hear about her.
No, Odin never smiles. Unless Queen Frigga is talking to him, haha. Other than that he is very stern, and I try to avoid him.
But the good news is that Loki is finally talking to me. He found me in the palace library… well I should say he scared me in the library. I was reading and he suddenly appeared and had asked, “So you're adopted as well?” He seemed shy, or hesitant at the time. But he made me jump, nonetheless. But now… Shannon, we spend nearly every minute together. Unless I’m training with Thor and his friends, I'm with Loki. He is quite the character once you get him to open up. He still hasn't divulged all of his feelings, but we touched the surface of the issues with his family. After that, he seemed interested in my work on earth and when he found out I studied their culture he offered to show me everything. Their history, their laws, their societal rules. He is a great teacher. Now that I have the phone back, he promised me some selfies with him, so I’m very excited for that.
Speaking of teaching, I am doing much better with my swordsmanship. I didn't defeat Fandral in our practice, but came close. Loki asked if he could teach me how to use his daggers and throw them, and I, of course, said yes. He seems to like having a companion that hangs on his every word.
And don't be mad, but yes, both the queen and prince are trying to teach me magic. I’m sorry! I couldn't resist. I am doing well so far! But I swear I won't go into battle. My weapon is my mind, I'm not made for the battlefield. I’m sure your powers would be of great use here. In fact when I get back I'll show you everything they taught me.
However, there is news of my parentage - they found record if a baby girl with my hair and eye color born the same week as my birthday. They're gathering what they can on the parents. So here's to hoping.
Yes, please send Thor pop tarts. He has asked about them five times, it’s driving me mad. Do not worry about sending the books. I have notebooks here that I am taking generous notes on. Thank you though.
I start work with the Asgardians tomorrow. I am very nervous.
Tell me all about the date! I can't wait to hear every detail!
Your sister from an (possible) Asgardian mister,
Y/N/N
Y/N, my dear sister
Living at the tower is a whole new thing and even more different now that Tony and I are going out. It does make things easier when it comes to work because sometimes I’ll figure something out and can quickly head to the lab and continue my work. With everything that I’ve done already I was able to pay off the last of what we needed for the apartment so now it’s officially ours. Y/N, we own an apartment now! Who would have thought that the great Tony Stark would be a total softie for a dog?
It’s still a shock to me that Tony and I are going to be dating it feels like a dream, Y/N/N, a really wonderful dream. Thanks for the suggestion. I do believe that I’ll wear that dress and the heels even though I’m pretty sure he has a heel kink but he won’t admit it. I wish you’d been here to record it so that I could look back on him asking me out!
You would not believe how shocked she was when she found out she would be funded for the next 8 years for whatever research she does. I think Darcy had to get her to sit down and drink some water and she was completely okay with the conditions of what she would do with her results also I gave her access to whatever tech she might need I recorded a video her face looks hilarious! Bet he would be very impressed with her accomplishment.
He’s serious but is he a good ruler? I haven’t read much about him but there is a lot about his wife. You have to get a picture of them two maybe him smiling? Maybe Loki can help you.
I’m so glad to hear that you two are finally talking! Aww, Y/N, you always were an easy scare when you’re reading, sounds like you two are getting really cozy (wink wink), guess I’m going to get to tease you too. I always knew you’d get a man hooked to you because of your genius brain, hehe. I bet you’ve become the teacher’s pet 😉.
Maybe when you come back we can have a good little practice fight between my abilities and your swordsmanship. Mmm, Y/N, my girl getting a private practice session with Loki? Well how could he not like a companion like you? You’re the whole package and if he doesn’t see that then I’m gonna have to get there and knock it into him.
Y/N, My GOSH! You know I’m gonna be worried about you a lot more now that I have no way of being there to make sure I can keep you safe, what if something happens? Maybe we can have a one on one in the new training floor Tony is having built for some reason.
Here is to hope that you’re at the final step to unveiling the truth as to where you come from but that doesn’t change the fact that I love you and you’re always family no matter what.
I don’t think the raven will be able to carry the pop tarts. See if you can find Thor and find a way to open the Bifrost to receive the package?
I’ll keep the book with me in hopes to find anything that you might be able to take photos of. I hope to hear all about working with the Asgardians soon enough.
And I’ll definitely let you know all the details about the date we’re both just as nervous about big events.
See you soon,
Shannon
Unforseen Chasm Tag list-
@reigningqueenofwords
@oldfreakything
Tag list-
@cas-you-assbutt-dean-needs-you
@winchester-writes
@winchesterenthusiast
@georgialouisea
@deansdirtylittlesecretsblog
@livelikeawinchester
@sammysbuttcheek
@bran2015
@misz-adrii
@sandlee44
@womanxofletters
@natsuccs
@childishhoebinoo
@depressed-moose-78
@expecteddifferent
@girl-next-door-writes
@fanaticfanfiction
@dakotapaigelove
@sassy-spn-knight-of-hell
@weclassygirl
@adefectivedetective
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AO3 Author Promo
Tagged by @noonvvraith & @teamhawkeye, thank you ladies! :-D <3
LONG post - I didn’t want to delete anyone’s name b/c all of us writers know how valuable word-of-mouth can be! :-D
(My personal AO3 info is at the very bottom)
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Thanks for the tag @novemberhush ! 💜
My fics on AO3 can be found here also under the name tabbytabbytabby. I’m gonna list ships I have fics for by fandoms below (since I have 640 fics across many fandoms and this seems like the easiest way).
Teen Wolf: Sterek, Thiam, Liam/Mason, Derek/Theo, Derek/Danny, Derek/Theo/Stiles, Sceo, Steo, Isaac/Theo, Mason/Theo, Theo/Greenberg, Scott/Theo/Stiles, Nolan/Theo, Morey, Isaac/Nolan, Scisaac, Isaac/Danny, Liam/Isaac, Allisaac, Scanny, Scott/Nolan, Sciles, Stackson, Coach Finstock/Sheriff Stilinski, Laura/Marin, Laura/Lydia, Mason/Greenberg, Derek/Greenberg, Garrett/Greenberg, Danny/Greenberg, Danny/Corey, Danny/Jackson, Laura/Parrish, Allison/Violet, Cora/Lydia
9-1-1 / 9-1-1 Lone Star: Buddie, Tarlos
Merlin: Merthur
All American: Ashivia, Jasher
Game of Thrones: Braime, Gendrya, Theonsa
Chicago Fire: Brett/Casey
The Rookie: Chenford
Supernatural: Destiel
Harry Potter: Fremione, Drarry, Oliver/Percy
The Witcher: Geraskier
Prodigal Son: Malcolm/JT
Crossover pairings: Steve Harrington/Stiles Stilinski, Malcolm Bright/Stiles Stilinski, Draco/Theo, Allison Argent/Alaska Young, Olivia Baker/Greenberg, Dallas Winston/Billy Hargrove (and probably more that I missed)
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novemberhush:
Thanks for the tag @all-or-nothing-baby ! 😘 Everyone, go check out her fics!
Okay, folks, here’s my AO3 link. I go by novemberhush over there too and among my work you will find stories for:-
Sterek (Teen Wolf)
Buddie (9-1-1)
Marvey (Suits)
Johnlock (BBC Sherlock)
McDanno (Hawaii Five-O)
Barisi (Law and Order: SVU)
Lewis/Hathaway (Lewis)
Thomas Barrow/Andy Parker a.k.a. ParkBarrow (Downton Abbey)
Thomas Barrow/Philip Lombard (Downton Abbey, And Then There Were None)
And my (so far) only attempt at writing something for the Supernatural fandom, a Dean/Sam Wincest fic (nothing physical actually happens between the guys, but there are incestuous feelings involved so it’s a case of don’t like, don’t read)
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all-or-nothing-baby:
i’m on mobile, so here’s a clunky-link… (ooh, I do like the way that sounds). if anyone is interested, i’ve got:
Destiel (SPN)
Megriel ( || )
Saileen ( || )
Sterek (Teen Wolf)
Sheriarty (BBC Sherlock)
Johnlock ( || )
The Unholy Trinity (Preacher)
Cherik (X-Men: Alternate Timeline Movies)
…and i have a lot I need to and will upload soon. also, i currently have some Symbrok (Venom) and Hannibal WIPs waiting in the wings.
all-or-nothing-baby | Archive of Our Own
my pseud is BundleOfSoy, btw
AND IF ANYONE WHO FANCIES GIVING ME SOME PROMPTS IN MY ASK BOX… ASK AWAY
…and i’ll take forever to write them! na, i’ll try my best xD
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verobatto-angelxhunter:
Quarantine Reading material!
To all my writers friends, let’s share our AO3 works with our beloved SPN fandom in these times of despair. Bring some sunshine to this family!
I’m BENKA79 in AO3 and here is my works link.
Love you all! 😘💕💕
Thanks for the tag @tabbytabbytabby!
My AO3 is here, and my fandoms are all over the place XD
Inception (Arthur/Eames), Teen Wolf (Sterek), How to Get Away with Murder (Coliver), Hollyoaks (Jarry), Dragon Age (various), Mass Effect (various), Marvel (Winteriron), As the world turns (Lure), to name the main ones, but there’s many others.
I would also like to take this opportunity to bring special attention to this fic (@spacerhapsody consider yourself tagged! :P) Please just click the link.
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Thanks for the tag @hazelestelle !!
I only wrote for one fandom (ME:A) and one pairing (f!reyder), but here’s the link to my AO3… Part 1 and 2 of Let’s Push Things Forward are completed, but concerning Part 3 I really don’t know if I’ll ever finish it… so, maybe best not to read that one, even though it’s prolly my favorite ;)
There’s also two smutty collections (here & here), for those of you interested xD
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Thank you for tagging me, @obvidalous ♥!
This is my AO3.
Nowadays, I’m only writing for Far Cry 5 fandom (and just one pairing, Jacob Seed/Female Deputy), but there’s also Mass Effect, Mass Effect Andromeda and Dragon Age one-shots there.
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thank you @starsandskies and @shellibisshe ❤️❤️❤️
my Ao3 is here
i’ve written for Far Cry 5, John Seed/Female Deputy specifically, as well as for Resident Evil, for Claire Redfield x Leon Kennedy
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@starsandskies @teamhawkeye thank you both so much for the tag, i pretty much saw this right when i woke up and it made my entire day 💕
My AO3 is here
Most of my writing there is Pacific Rim (Chaleigh for life) and a mix of FC4 (love writing Ajay) and FC5 (some reader insert/ a deputy with each of the Seeds).
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@weekend-writer , thank u for the tag, rey! <3
my AO3 is here ( i don’t like…post anything ever or really write anything unless my ONE brain cell demands it but there’s some trash there for u )
- fandom (s) : DAYS GONE, THE WAYHAVEN CHRONICLES, & FC5
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ME (SoleSurvivorKat):
Thank you again for the tag @noonvvraith & @teamhawkeye! Love you guys! :-D <3
HERE is my AO3 (’Kat123′).
I have 2 main fics/WIPs: one Fallout 4 one (’Shadow of Steel’ = FemSole/Maxson, FemLoneW/Danse), and one Far Cry 5 one (’The Book of John’ = FemDep/John Seed). I’ve also done a few one-shots & gift one-shots for people as well (which you’ll see on my ‘works’ page)
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The Family of Spies AU
AKA ‘Shadowsong should not have unsupervised access to multiple fandoms at once: Exhibit A.’
I kid. Mostly.
Anyway, it’s that time again--time for an AU Outline! It feels like forever since I’ve done one of these. …and by ‘forever’ I mean the last one was the SPN/Person of Interest crossover back in January.
This one is, uh, also a fairly niche crossover. It’s inspired and helped along by @tigerkat, who introduced me to one of the two fandoms and whose Star Wars OCs I’m borrowing to make it work. (Also, one or two bits in here are more or less lifted from our IM conversations on the subject
Basically, the short version is, I’ve been watching Nikita, and TigerKat and I have put together this whole extended family for Kallus and Zeb and one thing led to another, wires got crossed in my brain, and here we are.
Welcome to my Star Wars/Nikita fusion.
So, first, some relevant background:
In everything TigerKat and I developed, Alex and Zeb end up collecting/adopting four kids. (TigerKat, feel free to correct me on any details that are Off in any way!)
First kid they adopt is Mirah, shortly after the events of ANH.
Mirah is Human, and around three or four at this point; her parents were part of an extremely pacifist sect, of the kind where even defending yourself against someone trying to kill you is Not Okay. The sect was wiped out (probably not by the Empire, last I heard?) and Mirah was the only survivor; she watched her parents died right in front of her. Alex ended up there on an unrelated mission, and brought the little girl back to base.
Turns out, she’d gotten Attached and would not sleep without him close by.
(I mean. He’d gotten Attached as well but there is a Conversation to be had here, and he and Zeb haven’t actually had it yet, so…yeah.)
So, that’s how they get Kid #1.
Mirah later grows up to be essentially a mob boss/puts together a semi-legal syndicate. She doesn’t have a whole lot of faith in the law.
Second kid is Orryn, something like a year or two later, I think?
Orryn is a Donogh (species name subject to change; they’re basically like human-sized rabbit hobbits), and four or five years older than Mirah. His father and older brother were killed when he was born, and his mother eventually found her way to the Rebels after that. Donoghs tend to have very large families, so the fact that he’s an only child is a little Weird.
His mom is a friend of theirs, and when she dies, Alex and Zeb take Orryn in as well.
He is very Soft, both physically and metaphorically (like I said, rabbit hobbits), and like the sweetest kid you’ll ever meet.
(Mirah learns very quickly to weaponize her brother’s Sad Eyes. She’s very good at getting what she wants.)
The other three kids all end up taking Zeb’s last name; Orryn keeps his original one (his people are matriarchal and matrilineal).
He grows up to be a mechanic, and has a more typical family for his species with nine kids.
Third is Shamie, who’s roughly halfway between Mirah and Orryn; they get adopted a month or so before ESB.
I’ve written about them here; but the most important bits--
They’re Human, agender, and a former street thief/pickpocket. They help Zeb out when a mission goes sideways after his local contact fails to show up, and Zeb decides to keep them, because he really can’t leave them there for a long list of reasons. They’d been on their own for close to a year at that point, and were roughly eight or nine.
(The conversation where Zeb checks in with Alex about this is very entertaining, because he texts to confirm that a third kid is okay in the middle of a firefight. Alex is less than thrilled.)
Shamie and Mirah are basically platonic soulmates. There’s just a sort of click when the two of them meet.
They grow up to be a priest of a sun/fire deity.
Fourth is Hanula, better known as Hanny.
She’s a Lasat baby who they adopt a few months after Endor, after Zeb mentions to the elders on Lira San that he and Alex have been considering a fourth kid, maybe starting with an infant this time, and maybe someone of his own species this time…
Some time not too long after that, Hanula is placed in his arms and he’s told ‘good luck.’
She’s stabby, as in she likes to Stab Things as a baby (usually with, like, a fork), which later gets translated into cooking--she ends up as a Chef.
While she does turn up, of course, she’s not super relevant for this crossover, but she’s Delightful so I thought I’d share anyway XD
(There’s also Alex’s sister and her sons, plus, uh, the various grandchildren, but they’re also not super relevant to the crossover. I can share details about them if anyone’s curious, though.)
As a note, I’ve only seen like half a season of Nikita at this point; so while we’re starting from the same basic premise, I don’t really expect this to converge with actual future plot points like at all. So.
Also, as a result of that, this outline will probably also take on a certain resemblance to Alias and/or other similar Spy Dramas.
Anyway. So. Let’s get this show on the road.
Kallus takes on Nikita’s role in this--Death Faked For You; trained to be a super spysassin by a Shady Black Ops Group from his late teens/early twenties. Much like Nikita in her canon, he meets someone while on an extended cover assignment and falls in love.
Division is less than thrilled with this, and so arrange orders Zeb’s death.
(Obviously, this doesn’t take, because I am Not About That. But Kallus genuinely believes Zeb is dead, which is what pushes him to break free, much like Nikita’s reaction to Daniel’s murder.)
(Zeb also thinks Kallus is dead; he, of course, got picked up by the Ghost crew, but more about him later.)
Mirah will take on Alex’s role (which is why I started referring to Kallus that way, even though in my head and in this outline up to this point he’s mostly Alex XD).
Probably a blend of the two backgrounds--her parents/the sect she grew up in were taken out by Division; probably with the cover story that they were a Dangerous Cult, but the exact reason was more likely Profit or something. Since they mostly weren’t? At least not in the ‘need to be dismantled’ sort of way.
Kallus, like Nikita, was on hand and made sure that the little girl survived, but wouldn’t/couldn’t follow up since he was still a mostly-loyal Division agent at that point. He tracks her down after he breaks free, and they start working together.
She eventually talks him into the idea of her infiltrating Division, as that will better suit their plans to dismantle the organization.
(…really, most of this early part is not super different from Nikita and Alex. Mostly summarizing for anyone reading this who’s unfamiliar with the show.)
Shamie is an older/prior recruit; they’ve been here a few months. Their marksmanship is pretty much bottom of the barrel, so far as the current crop of recruits go, and their hacking skills could use some work, but they’re one of the best at hand-to-hand/other close-quarters combat, and they’re probably top third with explosives and other detail work. And they’re generally a pretty phlegmatic person. Not many of the other recruits keep cool under pressure as well as they do.
They’re probably fairly close to being evaluated and promoted to full Agent status when Mirah is brought in.
The two of them, as in their normal lives/timeline, immediately click. Mirah reports back to Kallus, confirming her infiltration was successful, and also mentioning Shamie.
“Remember what I told you about making friends,” Kallus warns her. “Losing them will be hard. And you can’t know how loyal this person is to Division. Be very careful.”
Mirah internally rolls her eyes, because she’s not dumb, she knows that.
A few more quick parallels, for the Higher Ups at Division:
Arindha Pryce stands in for Percy.
She just has the right blend of Genuine Competence buried under Not As Good As She Thinks She Is to match up with him.
Founding member and leader of Division.
Thrawn stands in for Amanda.
Like, okay. The two of them, for a variety of reasons, have vastly different management styles.
But in terms of his actual skillset and the role Amanda plays, at least on paper? Which is to say, supervising training/constructing covers/monitoring recruits and agents and their mental states?
(Plus, the whole…resident torturer/interrogator/etc. thing…)
Yeah, he could pull that off.
Pellaeon stands in for Michael.
Because I love him.
Also the Vastly Different Dynamic between the Head of Division, the Whatever Amanda’s Actual Job Title Is, and the 2iC/Head Field Operative with these three as opposed to Percy, Amanda, and Michael entertains me.
(Pellaeon is more loyal to Thrawn than Pryce, but only if it came down to an Actual Contest between the two of them would that ever be relevant. He’s extremely competent, but occasionally a little too involved with the recruits, in a fairly paternal sense. Especially since he’s probably a good twenty years older than Michael. But I digress.)
So, Mirah is successfully inserted. That goes pretty much the same as in Nikita canon, completely with Kallus making a splashy return to Division’s radars.
(Probably not at Zeb’s grave, though; if Zeb even has an actual grave.)
She starts interacting with other recruits, including Shamie. The two of them click pretty quickly, all things considered, but given the circumstances…yeah, they keep a certain level of distance, at least for now.
…well, at least on the surface, anyway. Mirah is even more determined to burn Division to the ground if they breathe harm in Shamie’s direction.
(For their part, Shamie may or may not start to notice a few anomalies, but they keep that knowledge to themself for now.)
For a few months, it’s pretty much the pattern the early S1 episodes have--Mirah will get details on an official Division op, pass them along to Kallus, he’ll be on hand to foil it. She gets activated briefly once or twice, but is mostly just working as a regular recruit for her cover.
Plus, you know, evading Thrawn’s suspicions; all that good stuff.
Pellaeon does take a liking to her--she reminds him of Kallus, who was one of the better recruits, and he keeps an eye out for her, much like Michael does for Alex in canon.
Shamie gets activated for their final evaluation/first kill mission about two or three months after Mirah gets recruited. They succeed, but some of the aftermath/followup confirms their previous suspicions about Mirah, and they’re left sort of struggling with what to do about it.
On the one hand, they’re a fairly loyal Division agent at this point, and what Mirah’s doing is probably going to get a lot of their fellow agents, maybe even some recruits, killed. And they know that probably some of what’s been reported as Kallus’s activities is exaggerated, or at least spun to make him look Evil and Division look better, but they know there’s a grain of truth to it.
On the other...they spent a few years, as a child, working for a thief-runner/gang. This was…not a good situation. Gotta keep the baby thieves in line. And they’ve seen other recruits get canceled before. As much as they don’t necessarily want to go against their superiors in Division (again, gotta keep the baby thieves in line; they know what the consequences of that would be), they also know that that loyalty does not go both ways. They are expendable. All of the recruits and agents are.
And they like Mirah. And if they don’t look out for each other…well, who will?
Besides. It’s not like they have any actual proof. Bringing this to Pellaeon, who likes Mirah, or Thrawn, who likes no one--let alone Pryce--seems like it’ll backfire.
So, they stay quiet about what they’ve guessed, and wait, and watch, and work.
Things change when Orryn is recruited.
Mirah and Shamie both take one look at this sweet, gentle boy and have the same thought--he won’t last. He’ll be cancelled within a month. Maybe sooner.
Pryce questions the choice of bringing him in, too; it was Thrawn’s idea. No, he’ll never make field agent, but the boy’s good with mechanics, and computers. If he can survive the training process, they can put him to use there.
Sort of considering him for Birkhoff’s role.
Shamie, even as a full agent, doesn’t have the access or the tools they need to spring Orryn, as much as they want to.
But Mirah--Mirah has Kallus, and a way to contact him.
“This isn’t about my friend. This is about a sweet kid, too sweet for Division, who will be killed or broken if we don’t do something,” she says. “And isn’t that part of what we’re doing here? Trying to make sure that doesn’t happen to anyone else?”
Kallus is torn. Because, on the one hand, she’s absolutely right--it’s why he was reluctant to send her in undercover (oh, yes, the thought had occurred to him) until she suggested it.
But on the other hand, getting a recruit out of Division without compromising Mirah’s emergency exfiltration strategy is going to be Hard. And as much as he wants to help this kid, he also wants to help/protect the one he has already.
He tells Mirah, eventually, that he can’t promise anything, but he’ll start working on a plan.
Mirah…
Remember what I said earlier, about Mirah tending to get what she wants?
Mirah gets to work on her end. The way she sees it, if she figures out a way to get Orryn outside somehow, whether it’s getting him temporarily activated like she was that one time, or some other excuse, then Kallus won’t have a problem rescuing him.
Of course, she’s just a recruit herself, and she can’t muck around with that without compromising her cover. She’s half-tempted to just shove Orryn out her escape tunnel, her own exit be damned, but Kallus specifically told her not to do that, so she holds back.
The opportunity comes when one of Mirah’s prior breaches is discovered, two or three weeks after Orryn’s brought in.
Possibly the shell program she and Kallus have been using to talk; possibly something else and she didn’t cover her tracks quite well enough (i.e., breaking into Pryce’s office). No one’s tied it to her, not yet, but things are Tense.
Kallus asks Mirah if she needs an extraction, and she again brings up Orryn. “I’m good,” she says. “But the sweet kid I was telling you about…”
“We talked about this,” he says. “And I am working on it, I promise.”
But before either of them can do anything, Orryn ends up at the wrong place at the wrong time, and one of the guards is convinced he’s the mole.
Thrawn points out that this doesn’t make much sense--the serious breaches started well before Orryn was brought in.
Pryce agrees, but insists on letting the situation run its course, to see if it can flush out the real mole.
And Mirah has a Thing about people she’s attached herself to getting hurt.
Mirah manages to somehow get Orryn out of wherever he’s being held. She sends a quick message to Kallus--“Sweet Kid coming out, they think he’s me”--and takes him to the exit tunnel.
They are pursued, of course. By the overzealous guard--and by Shamie.
Mirah gets Orryn into the tunnel and prepares to stand her ground.
Shamie catches up first.
And handles the situation Very Differently from the way Thom does in Nikita canon.
“I’m not turning you in,” they say. “You got Orryn out?”
“Yeah.”
They nod. “Good. Okay. They think he’s the mole, but they’re gonna realize someone helped him escape, unless--”
And then the guard catches up.
There is a Fight. The guard manages to shoot Shamie (not seriously; through-and-through in the upper arm), who tosses Mirah their gun, and she fires back, putting two in his chest.
“…we can work with this,” Mirah says, pressing her hands onto where Shamie’s bleeding. “If we…if we stage it so he pointed the finger at Orryn to cover his own crimes…”
“You have any evidence we can plant on him?” Shamie says. “M’good at that. Planting evidence.”
“Yeah,” she says. She has a key card, and a few other bits and pieces. Shamie, hands shaking slightly, positions them appropriately. “And Orryn…”
“Was also a plant,” Shamie decides. “Sent in when the guard’s cover got shaky, to extract him. But he managed to get away in the confusion. We underestimated him.”
Mirah thinks about this for a minute, then nods. “I think I can sell that,” she says, as more guards start heading their way.
“Good,” Shamie says. “…talk later.”
Mirah nods, and Shamie blacks out, leaving her to spin the lies they need to survive this.
A few hours later, Mirah touches base with Kallus to confirm Orryn got out safely, and to inform him he has another inside agent.
So, the situation has improved somewhat! Unfortunately, it’s also been damaged--since the shell program was found, Kallus and Mirah don’t have secure communications. That first message she got out, about Orryn and Shamie? Yeah, she can’t use that route again, or she’ll establish a pattern.
On the other hand, Shamie is a full agent, which means they have an apartment and the freedom to move around and set an in-person meet. Which Kallus wants anyway, to evaluate Mirah’s friend.
(And, if they check out, to spoof their tracker and give them freedom of movement. Always a plus.)
So, Shamie and Kallus use another one-off communicator to set an in-person meeting, so they can talk.
“You did help Mirah and Orryn,” Kallus acknowledges, after they’ve run through their prearranged confirmation signals. “That counts for something.”
“But you think it could just be me establishing a cover,” Shamie said.
“The thought occurred.”
Shamie doesn’t say anything right away. “I hear all kinds of things about you,” they finally say. “Some of it seems true. Some of it seems exaggerated. I know you’re Division’s enemy, but that…” They shrug. “I trust Mirah. And she trusts you. That’s good enough for me.”
“And Division?”
“I know how gangs work,” they say, flatly. “I used to work for one--they ran a bunch of kids, pickpocketing. Thing about gangs is, most of them do some good in their community--take care of external threats, or whatever. That’s how almost every gang started, anyway. Division may have more money and fancier gadgets and a bigger community, but they work the same way. And most gangs, even if they keep helping their communities sometimes…somewhere along the line, it turns out to be about profit and power more than anything else. But that’s not the issue. The issue is…you can tell, when a gang’s leadership, the loyalty they demand from their members…you can tell when they reciprocate.”
“And Thrawn and Pellaeon and Pryce don’t,” Kallus says.
“Pryce for sure,” they say. “Pellaeon does, but he’s more loyal to Thrawn than the rest of us. Thrawn…is harder to read.”
Kallus considers that for a moment. “You know, what we’re doing--it’s dangerous. I can’t protect you. I burned my one extraction route getting Orryn out.”
“All of my choices are dangerous,” Shamie says. “But like I said. I trust Mirah. She trusts you. I don’t trust Division.”
Another moment of silence. “Here’s our communication protocol,” Kallus finally says. Because Mirah trusts them. And I trust Mirah. If I don’t trust her--what am I even doing here.
Shamie also, as it turns out, has valuable information Mirah didn’t have access to. While not as successful as Kallus, there’s another group working to take Division down; getting involved and throwing off some of their ops.
“Should we reach out to them?” Mirah asks, when this filters back to her.
“No,” Kallus decides. “Most likely, they’re another mercenary group. Trying to be another Division, another Gogol, and take out the competition. There’s a slim chance that they’re actually on the level, but if they’re not…Best to stick to ourselves and avoid drawing in any outsiders.”
The kids agree, because he’s the expert, and drop the subject.
He does, however, ask Shamie to keep tabs on this other group as best they can without compromising their cover. Which should be easy enough.
(Of course, Shamie can only tell him as much as Division knows about them, which isn’t much. They’re a small group, probably a five- or six-person team, and they tend to ghost in and out of situations without leaving much evidence behind…)
The other new advantage they have is Orryn.
Remember why Thrawn wanted him recruited? He’s good with tech and gadgets?
Orryn gets a look at Kallus’s setup, particularly when he’s trying to figure out how to re-establish communications with Shamie and Mirah.
“I can fix that,” he offers.
Kallus blinks. “Plan was, establish an identity and get you out of the country, into hiding,” he says. “Which I will do, I’m working on it, but--”
“Division hurt me, too,” Orryn says. “And Mirah and Shamie are in trouble, and so are you. I want to help.”
Kallus eyes him. He knows, just as clearly as Mirah and Shamie did, that he cannot take this kid into combat. On the other hand…he would’ve been recruited for a reason. And Kallus is well-trained and skilled, but there might be something to said for raw talent and an expert touch.
“All right,” he finally says. “We’ll prep an exfil for you, just in case, but it’ll be some time for me to put it together anyway. We’ll see how things go.”
Orryn nods, and gets to work.
And so pass the next few months, with Mirah working her way up towards qualifying and passing the information she has access to, and Shamie and Orryn supporting Kallus in the field.
Eventually, Mirah goes on her qualifying evaluation, and passes with flying colors. She’s an interesting counterpart to Shamie--she’s a sharpshooter and just as deadly as they are in hand-to-hand, but she doesn’t work as well with the explosives and so on.
Meanwhile, Shamie is a very tactile person--if it’s a hands-on task, especially one that requires a lot of detail work (such as setting up a bomb), there are very few people who can match them. But they have issues with distance kills and with the computer stuff.
Mirah is set up in her apartment, not too close to Shamie, but enough that they can meet. They’re in the same city.
The two of them, on their own, are pretty terrifying assassins.
Shamie is fairly innocuous-looking; dark hair, dark eyes, skinny, blends into a crowd. They’re also the most chill/calm person in the known universe, so people tend to gravitate to them in a crisis. And they’re kind. Genuinely kind, in a way that invites people’s trust.
This is what makes them an excellent priest in another life. And in this one…Beware The Nice Ones is a trope for a reason.
Mirah, on the other hand, is much more overtly intimidating. Unless she’s making an active effort to pretend otherwise, she exudes Danger. She is ruthless and practical.
She is also extremely skilled, good at manipulating people, and very hard to convince to back down.
Now imagine the two of them working together.
Unstoppable and terrifying.
And Division (and Kallus) are both aware of this.
So, they actually end up partnering quite a lot.
The four of them are circling closer and closer to closing in on Pryce and taking her out permanently--Thrawn as well, and Pellaeon as a third priority, but Pryce is their top target--when things Change again.
Mirah and Shamie are put on a wetworks op that requires a team. Probably similar to that one prince dude and the museum.
They feed Kallus the intel, as always, and he comes up with a plan to foil it.
But there are a couple of issues.
He needs Orryn for this op, for one thing. And not just as background, on-site.
When he scouts around to do his own prepwork, there are some technobabble things he need handled, but they need to be within range. Twenty yards, twenty-five on the outside.
So, his first priority--well, maybe not first, but certainly Up There--is to plan out Orryn’s escape route if things go wrong.
The second issue is that Shamie thinks this might be another mission the Unknown Third Party may also crash. Since they still don’t have a lot of intel, that’s potentially another five or six people coming in.
And that’s if they’re correct in that it’s the mystery team, and not Gogol or someone already on the radar.
But the opportunity to interfere with Division and save a life or two is too good to pass up, despite these problems. Kallus plans his counter-mission, and they get to work.
Phase One of the mission goes fairly well. Shamie does confirm a third party is involved, but at first, their presence doesn’t cause too much difficulty for either Our Heroes or Division.
Shamie gets the assassination target pinned down somewhere Kallus and Orryn can extract them; Kallus gets the victim to the prepared escape route, and then returns to deal with the secondary objective; the one that required Orryn--some sort of hacking/virus/Planting Evidence type thing.
Well.
So my Art Skillz are far from up to par, but here’s a general overview of the layout of the scene where they do:
...so I can’t figure out how to make tumblr embed it without throwing off all the rest of my formatting so, click the link.
Where things go wrong is when Kallus gets a good look at the closest member of Team Unknown.
Who is very, startlingly, distractingly Familiar.
And he does the worst possible thing he can do in this situation.
He freezes.
Naturally, another member of the Division team sees the opportunity and takes it.
He gets hit three times in that second--chest, abdomen, upper thigh. Serious injuries.
Mirah immediately runs to him, laying down cover/suppression fire at her supposed Fellow Division Agents.
(…yeah, remember that whole bit about her parents dying in front of her? She’s. Uh. She’s come to view Kallus as a second father. This is Not Okay.)
Shamie follows, of course; she gets to Kallus.
They hesitate for half a second. “…get him out of here. I can handle this. Go.”
Mirah nods and drags Kallus back to the van--
--only to find that Orryn has been taken.
She can’t--she can only be in one place at a time. She’s good, but she’s not that good. And Kallus, her teacher, her unofficially-accidentally-adopted dad, is dying in front of her.
She gets into the driver’s seat and books it.
Shamie fires after her, but…well, marksmanship has never been their strong suit, so they fail to stop her.
This is basically Mirah’s worst nightmare made real.
Her dad is dying.
Her brother is missing.
Her other sibling is trapped and about to be probably tortured.
She is holding together by a thread and the only thing keeping her going is if she falls apart now, Kallus will die.
Okay. Time to do something about that. She can’t do much, but she can do even less about the other things, so. Time to do something.
She gets a tourniquet on his leg, pressure dressings on the other wounds, but she’s pretty sure his lung’s collapsed and she doesn’t know how much other internal damage there is. Her training in field medicine/dressings Will Not Cut It on this one.
Now, Kallus has a contingency--he always has contingencies, he loves contingencies--but Mirah doesn’t know his medical contingency and he’s too unconscious and bleeding-out to tell her.
She can’t take him into an emergency room, obviously, but there’s an urgent care center close by. And Orryn’s stuff is still in the van. Which means she can hack into their records find out who’s coming off shift--because there will be someone coming off shift--and stick a gun in their face.
Which is exactly what she does.
She drags the doctor into the van and points her at Kallus.
“Fix him,” she snaps, but she stops pointing the gun at her at this point--she needs her attention elsewhere to drive and fend off Division agents in pursuit, among other things, and surely this doctor will be overcome by that whole Need To Heal thing. Hippocratic oath. Whatever.
Doctor stares at him. “He needs a hospital, I can’t--” Even as she moves towards him.
(Because there’s that whole Need To Heal thing. Hippocratic oath. Whatever.)
Mirah starts the car. “I’m not gonna tell you again.” She tosses the doctor their first aid kit--which is pretty Extensive. Not on the level of the one at the safehouse, but still impressive. “Anything you need that’s not in there, I’ll get at a pharmacy. Now. Do your damn job or I swear to God.”
The doctor looks at Mirah one last time, then turns her attention to Kallus, and opens the kit.
“Good,” Mirah says.
(And then, while the doctor is stabilizing her dad, as soon as she can pull over for a second, she gets rid of her tracker. She has the standard one, in her thigh.)
(And probably kills a Division agent or two pursuing them along the way…)
When the doctor has finished patching Kallus up as best she can with the supplies on hand and what Mirah stole from a convenient pharmacy, she says, “He really should be in a hospital. He needs a transfusion, and should be on IV antibiotics. And I think there was damage to his femur I couldn’t fix without imaging.”
“I’ll take that under advisement,” Mirah says. Note to self: rob a blood bank. And a hospital. Saline won’t cut it. I wonder how hard X-ray machines are to steal…
“I’m guessing you know how to change the dressings, and how often to do it,” the doctor says.
“Obviously,” Mirah says. She grabs a handful of money, and shoves it at the doctor--she did her job, she should be paid for it; people should always be Appropriately Compensated for the things they do and in this case that means actual money--as well as the badge she’d pulled out of the doctor’s purse. “You can go. Oh, and, Doctor Sloane? This never happened. You never saw us.”
“Right,” she says.
“Because if you say anything,” Mirah says, “I will hunt you down and kill you. Clear?”
“…crystal,” she says, and takes the money and walks away.
Mirah takes a few more distracting turns (with a couple pit stops for those last few Necessary Supplies), a very roundabout route, and eventually makes it to the safehouse. She gets Kallus set up as comfortably as she can, under the circumstances, on one of the beds, manages to take thirty seconds to check for any messages from Shamie or Orryn, and then curls up in a corner and just…melts down.
Like I said Mirah’s Worst Nightmare.
Let’s check back in with Shamie, who is about to have an extremely rough several days.
Because they get to go spend some Quality Time with Thrawn in full interrogator mode.
And they get the works--torture, hallucinogens, manipulation, everything. To figure out how much they know about Mirah’s compromised loyalties, back to Orryn and everything.
When that comes up, they repeat their older story--that they spotted Mirah pursuing Orryn and the guard, and followed. They got there, there was shooting, and they were sure it was Orryn, or the guard, but maybe it was Mirah. They know she killed the guard, and Orryn was never good at combat skills, just tech…
After somewhere between three days and a week of this, Thrawn can’t get Shamie to admit anything incriminating, and leaves them in a cell to report back to Pryce.
“I would estimate there’s somewhere between a twenty and fifty percent chance that Mirah managed to turn them,” he says.
“So, we cancel them,” Pryce says.
“We could,” Thrawn says. “But that is not my recommendation.”
“Oh?”
“I recommend surveillance,” he says. “My prior sessions with Shamie indicate that they’ve had very little human connection or affection in their life. Even we, for all we provide them, have a tendency to view our recruits more as tools than as individuals. It is absolutely within their makeup to latch on to the first person to treat them and value them as an individual. Which may mean they joined Mirah and Alexsandr’s crusade--or may mean that affection blinded them to things they should have seen in Mirah. If the former, they will lie low for a while, but eventually grow complacent and reach out to their partners. If the latter, they will redouble their efforts to prove their loyalty. And their skillset is not one we can replicate at this time--there’s one recruit showing a certain promise, but they’re very new, at least a year away from graduation. Assuming that particular recruit actually lives up to their potential.”
“So,” Pellaeon cuts in, “letting Shamie live, either way, we gain something valuable.”
“Precisely,” Thrawn says.
Pryce considers for a moment. “Very well, I’ll bow to your expertise. Shamie can return to their prior status. Add more cameras to their apartment before sending them home. And I want to upgrade their tracker.”
“I agree,” Thrawn says. “This would be an excellent time to test out the kill chip program.”
So, Shamie is kept in medical for another day, to have the surgery for the new implant and patch up some of the more significant damage from their interrogation.
They use one of the Contingencies to send a quick message to Mirah and Kallus, confirming they’re alive, and that they have a new tracker and may not be able to keep in regular contact for a while.
So! Let’s see what became of Orryn in the meantime, shall we?
And to do that, we actually have to jump back five years, to the night that made Kallus leave Division and vow to bring them down.
Zeb was military, special ops. He met Kallus when the latter was living on extended cover, and Zeb was about to get out.
They met in some kind of dojo/gym/whatever, and had one of Those sparring matches.
(You know the ones I mean. Where it’s like 30% fight and 70% foreplay?)
They danced around the issue for a while; Zeb knew Kallus works for the government somehow, and is pretty sure he’s either CIA or NSA under some kind of NOC (non-official cover). Eventually, though, they get together.
They have about six months, with Kallus staving off Division as best he can, and Zeb going through the process of finishing out his military service/resigning his commission--as soon as he wraps up one last investigation--and then he proposes.
And, yeah, he thought about waiting until he was completely out, but then he figured--there’s only so much time in a life, and why waste it?
Kallus is getting everything together so the two of them can disappear, when the Cleaner comes.
I’m…not sure exactly how this all works, so we’ll handwave all this. Basically, each walks away thinking the other is dead, and can credibly believe this without a body.
I think probably Kallus saw Zeb go over a cliff or something after getting shot, and Zeb found a whole heck of a lot of blood when he climbed back up to where he’d fallen from, and figured it was Alex’s.
Ooooh, better idea--while he’s climbing back up to help Alex--he thinks this attack has to do with him. With that last investigation, which was actually into some kind of Hinky thing that was either Division or Gogol…
And now the building is on fire. And Alex was still in there.
He tries to run in, but the building is too unstable, and the entrance collapses in front of him. Burying Alex--or whatever’s left of him--completely.
Kanan finds Zeb kneeling in front of the rubble, and takes him home.
He and Hera patch Zeb up, and basically explain what they do--which is something to do with trying to uncover groups like Division; essentially terrorist/assassination/murder-for-hire organizations that operate under a thin veneer of government officiality.
“Modern-day privateers,” Hera says. “Only we’re not at war, and these people commit atrocities at least as awful as the ones they’re supposedly trying to avert.”
“We work in secret,” Kanan adds. “Because when we try to work out in the open…”
(Yeah, this is how Depa died in this AU. She started this operation, possibly with Cham Syndulla, and things went Badly.)
“We think you caught on to the operations of one of the groups we’re trying to identify,” Hera said. “We don’t have a name for them, but they’re US-based, with ties all over the world.”
“Most of…most of what I had on ‘em was in the house,” Zeb says.
“So, we start again,” Kanan says.
“But…at this point, Zeb, you’re legally dead,” Hera says. “We all are. You won’t have the access to intel that you used to.”
“I don’t care,” Zeb says. They killed my fiancé. What does it matter if they killed me, too? “I wanna bring them down.”
Kanan smiles, and offers him a hand. “Welcome to the Ghost Crew.”
So, for the next two years or so, the Ghost Crew, along with Zeb, does more or less the same thing Kallus has been doing--try to suss out Division operations and interfere with them as best they can.
Of course, they don’t have insider information.
They don’t even know the name of the organization they’re hunting.
Plus, Division isn’t their only target, even if it’s the one Zeb’s most interested in. They also interfere with Gogol when they catch on to their missions, and a few other organizations throughout the world.
So there’s only so much they can do, and while they are certainly a nuisance to Pryce et al, they don’t have the same level of impact that Kallus does when he comes out swinging.
Naturally, things shift a little when a mission goes slightly less than as planned.
It’s mostly under control--it was primarily surveillance at that point; Zeb was in a restaurant scoping out their target. Unfortunately, one of said target’s bodyguards ID’d him; maybe not specifically as Ghost Crew but certainly as a Threat to their principal.
That’s about when the shooting started.
Zeb can’t get to the front door; the bodyguards now actively trying to both kill him and extract their principal are in his way; so he heads for the kitchen instead.
Yeah, he could try to pursue and complete his objective, except it was a capture mission, not a kill, and he can’t get through that many guards and get out with the target. Not by himself.
He yells at the staff to get down and stay down, and most of them listen. There’s a couple of cooks, a waiter who was grabbing a couple plates to run out, and a kid washing dishes.
Of course, Zeb loses his footing somewhere along the line and skids. He recovers fast, but the closest guy chasing him did not have that problem and is too damn close for--
--or Bad Guy could get smacked in the face with a soapy cast-iron skillet, courtesy of Dish Washing Kid.
Split second to consider the consequences, but there are two other shooters in pursuit; so Zeb does the sensible thing and grabs the kid so she doesn’t get hurt, and finally makes it to the exit. Steals the first convenient car he sees, and books it.
Once he’s pretty sure they’ve lost pursuit, he turns to the kid, who’s--shit, he’s not good at guessing kids’ ages. Maybe twelve? Shit--anyway, an actual kid, which complicates things.
“Uh. Sorry about back there,” he says. “Listen, I’ll take you back to your parents in a couple hours, after the heat’s died down, I promise.” Pretty sure the bad guys aren’t gonna hunt you down if they couldn’t grab you right then and there…
“Foster parents,” she corrects. “They’re okay, I guess, but it’s not like they actually pay attention to me. They own the restaurant.”
“I should still get you back to them,” he says. “Better for you in the long run, kid.”
“Hanny,” she says. “My name’s Hanny.” She looks at him expectantly, but he doesn’t respond in kind.
“Right,” he says instead. “In the meantime, uh…” He pulls off--they need to switch cars anyway--and takes a second to text Hera.
“So I accidentally kidnapped someone.”
“…accidentally.”
“Yeah, there was shooting, had to run through the kitchen, she hit a guy with a frying pan, couldn’t leave her there.”
“Right,” she responds, after a few seconds where he can practically hear her rolling her eyes. “How much of a fuss is she making?”
“Uh. None at all, actually.”
“All right. Bring her here, we’ll figure out how to handle this later.”
“Thanks, I owe you another one.”
He gets Hanny back to the safehouse he and the Ghost Crew are currently using.
Hera glowers at him for a minute, then makes sure Hanny is settled in an inner room before going out to have A Word.
“Zeb? That’s a child. An actual child.”
“Yeah, I know,” Zeb says. “Still couldn’t exactly leave her there. I’ll take her back to her parents…well, foster parents…”
“Our rule is, we don’t hurt kids!” Hera says.
“Does she look hurt?” Zeb says. “Look, this wasn’t my fault. I went through the kitchen, she got involved all on her own. Not like I told her to bash the guy over the head with a skillet!”
“I know,” Hera says, and takes a breath. “I know, sorry. I shouldn’t’ve snapped at you. But you need to take her back sooner than later. Tonight, if you can.”
Zeb nods. “Uh. Soon as I get her to actually tell me who her parents are. She said they own the restaurant, but…”
“Yeah, you probably don’t want to go back there.” She considers a minute. “I’ll see what I can dig up, get you an address.”
“Good,” he says.
“Why can’t I stay here?” Hanny asks, from the door.
“…because you’ve got parents--”
“Foster parents.”
“Who are probably worried about you,” he finishes.
Hanny snorts. “No, they’re not. They’ve got six of us, and mostly use the money they get from the state to keep their shitty restaurant afloat. They won’t miss me.”
“That’s a shitty situation, I get it,” Zeb says. “It’s still better than staying here.”
“Why?” she demands.
“Because I’m legally dead, for one thing,” he says.
“But you’re not actually dead,” she points out.
“I also do a lot of really dangerous things,” he says. “What you saw in that kitchen back there? Ordinary Tuesday for me.” Which is, yeah, a bit of an exaggeration, but…
She rolls her eyes. “Not like I’m asking to come into another shootout with you. Just stay with you instead of the Smiths.”
“Why do you want to stay with him?” Hera cuts in. “And ‘because he’s not the Smiths’ isn’t a good enough answer.”
Hanny chews that over for a minute. “I like him,” she says. “He actually gives a damn about something other than his stupid restaurant, or self-image, or whatever. And he apologized for kidnapping me, which is sort of weird, but nice, I guess? I don’t know, I just do.”
“…that whole bit about doing dangerous things,” Zeb says. “I can’t really look after you.”
She rolls her eyes again. “I’ve been looking after myself for ages anyway. Besides. I’m seventeen.”
He and Hera stare at her.
“…would you believe fifteen?”
Zeb’s less sure about that one, but the look on Hera’s face is answer enough.
“Okay, thirteen, but still. Plus, I cook. I’m really good at it, too. Especially when I have access to decent knives. I’m guessing that’s not a problem here?”
Well, okay, it’s not like they have a lot of kitchen knives floating around, but he could--
…shit.
Zeb turns to Hera. “…sorta running out of counter-arguments here…”
Hera looks from him, to Hanny, and back again. “…fine. I’ll babysit when you’re out in the field.”
Jumping back to the present!
So, Zeb doesn’t actually spot Kallus at this point.
Or, rather, he sees that another party is involved, and does out of the corner of his eye spot the guy going down and then Division agents running at him, but not enough to actually identify him.
He alerts his team to the presence of the Third Party--who they’ve been aware of, since Kallus and his team went active a few months ago.
(It was Sabine’s idea to nickname the team Fulcrum. Since they seem to be a pressure point that really gets to the Shadow Agency they’re chasing, and might be enough pressure to move the lever and make actual progress…)
(Look, it made sense in her head at the time, whether or not the others bought the reasoning, and it stuck.)
Of course, they’re not sure if Team Fulcrum is actually on their side, or just looking to cause Generalized Chaos. Or take Shadow Agency down to take its place. After all, they seem to have an almost personal vendetta against the Shadow Agency and some of the tactics they’ve used…
Ezra and Kanan slip around to the Fulcrum van, and find Orryn inside. They see this sweet kid, assume he’s a hostage, and extract him. There’s no way their team will get through the firefight between Division, Mirah, and the reinforcements intact, so Kanan calls Zeb back, they get Orryn into their vehicle, and they go.
They get Orryn back to their base, and he makes it Very Clear that he was not, in fact, a hostage.
“The people that had you in that van--”
“Were not Division,” he says. “They’re the ones who rescued me from Division, after I was recruited.”
“…I’m sorry,” Hera says. “We made a mistake. Division--they’re the government agents who were attacking that building back there?”
Orryn blinks. “…you didn’t know that?”
“We’ve never had a name for them,” Kanan says. “Maybe we should start from the beginning. I’m Kanan, this is Ezra, Hera, Zeb, Sabine.”
“Orryn,” he says. “…you’re trying to bring Division down, too?”
“Damn right we are,” Zeb says.
“…okay,” he says, and fills them in on what he knows.
Which is, comparatively, not all that much. He didn’t see too much of the internal structure--he wasn’t there for long enough--but they have names and so on to attach to them.
He tells them how Division recruits people in their late teens/early twenties, and trains them as assassins. He tells them how Mirah went in as a double agent, and she and Shamie and Kallus broke him out. He tells them how they tried to get him into hiding, but he offered to stay and help with their tech, which is what led them here.
(He doesn’t, of course, know Kallus’s real/full name--not something shared readily; and even if it was, that might not be the full name Zeb knew him under, so Zeb remains in the dark.)
(Part of why Orryn’s being so open about this is because he’s gotten a pretty good idea of the kind of team Hera and Kanan are running here; he also…it’s something to focus on other than the Very Strong Probability that Kallus is dead, likely Mirah with him, and Shamie, and…)
(On the other hand, if his new family is somehow still alive, they could use all the help they can get. And maybe Kallus would’ve been more cautious, and Mirah would’ve been more suspicious, and Shamie would’ve held back a little more, but Orryn knows how hard this fight will be, and how much they need genuine allies. And so he makes the first move/takes a leap of faith.)
So, to sum up the last few sections before we move on, here’s where we stand after the FUBAR mission where Kallus finds out Zeb is still alive:
Kallus has been badly hurt--near-fatally--and is more or less out of commission for the foreseeable future; not to mention whatever long-term/permanent damage he might have sustained.
Mirah’s cover is blown, and while she pulled herself together after her meltdown once Kallus was safe, she’s still teetering a little on the edge, especially as more and more time goes by without hearing from either of her siblings.
Shamie is fighting desperately to maintain their cover, still deep in Division, but now with little to no support.
Orryn is with Zeb and the Ghost Crew, with no idea if any of his family is still alive, and missing a few Key Pieces of Information that might help smooth things over.
(Yeah, this day went Super Well for everyone.)
After a couple days, though, a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel--Kallus wakes up.
Okay, technically, he’s sort of half-woken up a couple times, but this is the first time he’s been lucid enough to actually process being awake and/or interact with Mirah.
She sees him trying to sit up and is instantly there.
“Stay down, you’re hurt.”
He sinks back without too much argument, and she takes a second to make sure he’s really awake, really back with her, and then, as people with her particular personality and background are likely to do, covers up her fear with “How dare you.”
“Mirah…”
“You got yourself shot! You froze!”
“I know, I--”
And then the look on her face, she’s clearly just barely holding back from bursting into tears (which, she’s done enough of that over the past three days damn it) and he just…wordlessly holds out his arms, offering a hug.
Very, very carefully, she curls up next to him and clings, and she does burst into tears at that point, and stays there until she’s cried herself out.
“…sorry,” she says, when she gets her breath back.
“It’s fine,” he assures her. “And…so am I. For scaring you.”
She nods. “I know it wasn’t on purpose.”
He laughs a little, which is a mistake, because that hurts, but manages to get out, “when I get shot on purpose, it’s generally not this…bad.”
“I know,” she says, then hesitates before blurting out, “Iloveyou.”
He’s taken a little bit by surprise--he was her handler as much as her friend, and that’s not exactly conducive to…but he can’t deny that he’s come to think of her as a favorite niece, or maybe even a daughter, and…
Between being caught off guard, and the pain, and the bloodloss, and the drugs she’s probably got him on, he can’t find the words to respond.
So, of course, she tries to backtrack.
He cuts her off, “love you, too, Mirochka.”
(LOOK fandom has decided he’s a Space Russian ANYWAY so for this AU either one or both of his parents was a first-generation Russian immigrant so FAKE RUSSIAN DIMINUTIVES FOR EVERYONE. Also it makes me smile. So there.)
She brightens and clings again. Very, very carefully.
But he can already feel the room start to spin and blur at the edges. “Probably gonna pass out again. Don’t be afraid.”
“Okay,” she says. “Just don’t die.”
“Of course not,” he says, already fading. “Still have work to do.”
“Yeah, well, you’re not allowed to die when we’re done, either.”
“Right,” he manages to say, before he’s out again.
The next time he’s fully conscious and lucid is just after Shamie finally managed to send word they’re alive.
Which is, naturally, his first thought. To ask about Shamie and Orryn.
Mirah tells him--Shamie’s at least alive and free enough to make contact, but Orryn is still missing.
Kallus, at this point, is half-convinced he hallucinated Zeb--it would make more sense, obviously; Zeb is dead, he knows that, he saw him die, and yet…
On the other hand, he finds himself desperately hoping it wasn’t a hallucination, for more than just his personal needs. If Zeb has Orryn, then he knows Orryn is safe.
“I tried to get him,” Mirah says.
“I know,” he says. “It wasn’t your fault. None of this was.” It was mine.
“What happened?” she asks, and the question had to come sometime, but he’s not sure he can explain. Not sure he should, as on-edge as she is already.
But she’s asking, so he does the best he can.
“I thought I saw…someone,” he says.
“…interesting pause there…”
“A ghost.”
“…cryptic. Are you gonna keep doing that, or…?”
He looks away. He can’t bring himself to say his name. “It couldn’t have been…I know it couldn’t have been, but I saw him, I was sure, and for a moment, I…I lost control. Again.”
I let you all down.
“…again?”
He struggles for a moment, then says, “I told you, before you went into Division…I told you why I left, didn’t I?”
It takes her a minute to get it. “…oh.”
“I only…I only saw him for a moment, and I may have been seeing things.” He takes a shallow, shaky breath, and blinks rapidly for a moment. “But if it was real, and Orryn’s with him, then he’s safe. I am certain of that.”
Mirah nods. “Then I’ll go find out.”
“Be careful,” Kallus cautions. “Division will be out in force, looking for you. And Shamie can’t--they have to keep their head down. Even if they’ve managed to satisfy Thrawn for now--” He starts to get up, because he needs to hit the ground running on this one, pain and shakiness be damned--
“Don’t you dare,” Mirah snaps, pushing him back. “I’ll be careful. Trust me. Papa.”
“I do,” he says; his head is spinning again and he’s gone chalk-white. “Just…don’t get overconfident.”
“I won’t,” she promises. “Go back to sleep. I’ll text every hour.”
“Please,” he says.
“I will,” she promises, and by the time she’s out the door he’s unconscious again.
Of course, by the time she gets back, he’s somehow managed to muster the strength to get himself over to the computer.
“What did I say?” she says, annoyed.
“I did sleep, for a while,” he says. A little breathless, but he’s still conscious, and it doesn’t look like he’s torn any of his stitches, which is probably a goddamn miracle.
(Of course, they are long overdue a miracle or two.)
“I found footage of the incident,” he says. “Target had security cameras all over. I wanted to see if…see if I could track Orryn that way.”
“And?”
He shakes his head. “But I can be sure Division didn’t take him. I accounted for all of them.”
“That’s good.”
“Yes,” he says, then hesitates. “Nothing more from Shamie, which…I don’t know. You find anything?”
“Maybe,” she says, and hands him a blurry photo, of Orryn--with Zeb.
The world spins around him again, just like it did back in that firefight, because there’s no mistaking it this time.
Mirah mistakes his reaction for him being about to pass out again; he vaguely hears her mention going to kidnap Dr. Sloane again; he cuts her off.
“No, it’s…it’s him.”
“Oh!” She considers for a moment. “Good. I’ll go get him.”
He nods; he can feel his heart beating erratically and knows he should probably do something about that--relaxation exercise, get horizontal, something--but first thing’s first. “Tell…no.” He can’t think of a good verbal code, but he has something even better.
Using the chair to hold himself up and keeping as much weight off his injured leg as possible, he starts over to the wall.
“Let me--” Mirah starts.
“Wall safe,” he says. “Keep forgetting to program your fingerprints.”
She makes a face. “And you’ll go to bed as soon as you get whatever it is?”
“Yes, fine,” he says. He makes it to the safe, and opens it, pulling out a fist-sized stone and handing it to her. “Show…show him this. He’ll know you’ve seen me.”
“I will. Now, bed.”
“Right,” he says. But his head is spinning and it seems so very far away right now. I possibly overdid it. “I’m just going to…sit here for a moment first. Catch my breath.”
“Fine,” she says. “I’ll be back soon.”
“I know.”
There is, of course, a slight problem with sending the meteorite instead of some kind of verbal message. One that, if Kallus had been firing on all cylinders, so to speak, he would’ve figured out.
A verbal message can’t be pulled off a dead body, after all.
…yeah, Zeb pulls a gun on Mirah when she shows up.
She restrains herself from responding the way all her training has told her to respond to a gun in her face, because she knows how important Zeb is to Kallus. “Rude,” she says instead.
Zeb snarls at her. “Where the hell did you get that.”
“From Papa,” Mirah says, like it should be obvious. “Are you going to let me in?”
Papa? Zeb had never imagined the monsters that killed Alexsandr--who did the kind of things Orryn described--would have children. “…no,” he says. “You’re going to take me to Papa.”
It’s the best, most solid lead he’s had in forever, more concrete than Orryn in terms of tracing back to the specific people who killed his fiancé, he finally has an actual agent, a string to pull to unravel Division and end them.
“Well, yeah,” Mirah says, because that is the plan. But not right now.”
Zeb glares at her. “No. Now.”
Mirah sighs. “ORRYN!”
Orryn, who heard the commotion and was already on his way, joins Zeb at the door. “She’s okay, Zeb. Really. This is Mirah, I told you about her?”
Zeb is…not at all sure what to make of all this. But he lets her in while he tries to figure it out.
(Keeping her covered with the gun, of course. As much as he can when the first thing she does is wrap Orryn in a flying tackle hug.)
“I’m so glad you’re okay,” Orryn says, clinging back so hard. “I was worried.”
“You were worried!” Mirah says. “You know what you’re supposed to do in a firefight! Keep your head down, and wait for Papa to come get you!”
“I know,” Orryn says. “But I saw him go down, and then…” I got grabbed, there wasn’t a whole lot I could do.
Mirah nods. “I already yelled at him about that.”
Which is not what Orryn would’ve done, but he knows his sister, so he’s not surprised. “And…and Shamie, are they with you? Are they okay?”
“They’re alive,” Mirah says. “They got in touch. But they’re still undercover. We’re working on it.”
“Touching as this reunion is,” Zeb interrupts, “you need to tell me where the hell you got that rock.”
“I already told you.”
“Not enough.”
“Well, then ask,” Mirah says. “I don’t know what you know.”
“Who the hell is Papa, and how the hell did he get that meteorite?” Zeb asks.
“No idea where he got it,” she says, which is true. “He just told me to give it to you.”
Zeb stares at her, for a long moment. “What the hell kind of sick joke--”
“What?” Mirah says. “Explain, because I have no idea what the hell you mean.”
“He’s taunting me,” Zeb says, flatly. “Whoever he is.” ...on the other hand, that means I’m close…or they know I have Orryn. He frowns, then shakes his head. “But to use this to lure me out…”
Now it’s her turn to stare. “Lure you? You’re the one who demanded I take you places!”
“Because you turn up, out of the blue, on my damn doorstep, holding that!”
“Because Papa told me to!” she says. “What’s so important about it, anyway?!”
“It’s something I gave to--” He stops. “Your people, Division, they took it off him after they killed him. I’ve spent the last five years trying to track down the bastards who did it.”
And SUDDENLY EVERYTHING IS CLEAR.
“You didn’t see him,” Mirah realizes.
“…what.”
“Okay,” she says. “We can go see Papa now. But leave your gun behind, he’s been shot enough this week.”
“No, seriously, what the hell,” Zeb says. “Saw who?”
“Papa,” she says. Obviously.
“You still haven’t told me who that is!”
“Because I love him, but he’s sometimes a secretive jerk and I don’t know his full name and that’s embarrassing, okay?”
Zeb just stares at her for a moment.
Mirah sighs, exasperated. “Orryn, do you know Papa’s full name? I don’t have any pictures, and I don’t want to wake him up by calling.”
Orryn shakes his head. “Never had that much access to Division’s computers, and you know he doesn’t talk about that stuff. …Shamie might know, but…”
“I’ll text,” she decides. “They won’t get it until it’s safe.”
“Like hell I’m waiting for that,” Zeb says. “Take me to him. Now.”
“First, leave the gun behind,” Mirah says, and there is No Room For Argument in her face or her tone.
Zeb considers this for a moment.
He’s dealing with one guy who’s apparently been shot all to hell, and one baby agent…he’s got the raw physical strength to overpower her if it comes to that. Besides, she didn’t say anything about other weapons.
“Fine,” he says, and ostentatiously puts both the gun he already had out and the backup from his boot on the table.
“Thank you,” she says. “Orryn, you coming?”
Orryn hesitates for a second. “…someone should probably stay with Hanny.”
“Who’s Hanny?”
“My kid,” Zeb says. “…kinda. Long story. Can we go?”
“Sure,” Mirah says. “Hanny can come, too.”
“Hell no,” Zeb says. “I don’t bring her into potential danger if I can avoid it.”
“If you say so,” Mirah says. “Just a suggestion.”
So, Orryn and Hanny stay back at Zeb’s place. Mirah texts Kallus to let him know they’re coming.
He. Uh. Wakes up on the floor by the wall safe when his phone buzzes. Never quite made it back to bed…oops.
Part of him thinks he should probably correct that, but on the other hand, standing up sounds like Work right now. He’ll just…wait here. Gather his strength.
Oh, right, I should text back. “Fine, see you soon.”
As they approach, Mirah once again warns Zeb that Kallus has been shot, so he is not allowed to get him worked up or let him out of bed.
“Yeah, you mentioned.”
“It bears repeating,” she says. “And he is not allowed to die.”
“Copy that,” Zeb says, though he makes no promises. Whoever Papa is, he had Alexsandr’s meteorite, which means he Knows Something about the people who killed him.
She opens the door to the safehouse. “PAPA YOU HAD BETTER BE IN BED.”
…well, at least he hasn’t moved from where she left him last?
Mirah gives him her best Aggrieved and Disappointed Face.
“…I think I fell asleep here,” he says, wearily.
And then Zeb has a Moment.
Because he couldn’t quite see Mirah’s papa from this angle.
But he knows that voice.
“Did I or did I not tell you to go back to bed,” Mirah says, but she knows it’s gonna be a lost cause for at least a few minutes. “…I’ll lecture you later.”
“Alex?” Zeb says. Whispers. It takes him a few seconds to actually get the name out and it comes out strangled and disbelieving.
And even though he already knew Zeb was alive, he’d seen him in person and then the picture, something about it…he’s here now, it’s real--
Fortunately, before Alex can try to get up, Zeb is right there.
“You were…you were dead, I thought--”
For his part, Kallus cannot form words right now. He just reaches up, hand shaking, to touch Zeb’s face.
(Mirah, in the background, discreetly texts her siblings with an update.)
(Orryn, upon reading the text, asks Hanny if she’s ever seen The Parent Trap.)
(“Because I think your spy dad and my spy dad used to be together. Wanna go join them?”)
(Hanny doesn’t need to be asked twice.)
Zeb, at that point, just scoops Kallus up and, very gently, puts him back in the bed.
“Oh, good,” Mirah says. “Now we need to keep him there.”
“No arguments here,” Zeb says.
And this had better not be a dream, he adds, in the privacy of his own mind.
Of course, there’s a lot more catching up to do from there, and a creepy organization of spysassins to take down, but I think we got enough here for one outline, lol. XD Future developments, of course, involve Team Fulcrum (who keep the nickname because Why Not) teaming up with the Ghost Crew to actually take down Division and shoot Pryce in the face; getting Shamie’s kill switch removed; and then…whatever adventures the Family of Spies might have in the future. Maybe head down to Miami, run into another team of former spies. Or up to Boston, run across a team of thieves…
The point is, they’ve found each other again. The rest…well, the rest is just Details.
#shadowsong writes star wars#shadowsong writes crossovers#shadowsong writes self-indulgent bs#au outlines for the win#tigerkat24
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