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ratlesshonret · 5 months

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Song Analysis - Children of the City

Part 0 - My Ramblings, or Whatever

Hello everyone, my name is Honret, and today I am going to be doing the long-awaited Children of the City analysis that I have been teasing for far too long.

Of course, this isn't my first rodeo with song analysis. I've analyzed quite a lot of mili songs on r/mili, over on Reddit. So why am I doing this on tumblr? Partially for reach/exposure (r/mili is tiny,) and partially because I'm liking using Reddit less and less every day.

If people like this post, I might do more, or even repost my old analysis pieces on r/mili over here so they can be archived in a neater way.

Anyway, let us get on to the actual song. This analysis will contain spoilers for Library of Ruina.

Part 1 - Analysis of the Lyrics

This song is arguably rather short in terms of number of lyrics for a mili song, so let's get right into it.

Also, to get this out of the way immediately, this is a Character Song for Yan Vismok from Library of Ruina. If you're reading this, you probably already know that, but if not then it is very important information to know.

Sleep for a total of eight-hundred hours per day And drink a liter of milk Warm-up before you go play

Immediately, this beginning part seems to be almost satirizing the nature of the Prescripts. Obviously, sleeping for 800 hours in a day isn't possible, and drinking an entire liter of milk is uncomfortable for most, but they feel like things a Prescript would order someone to do. After all, they frequently demand impossible and seemingly random actions from the recipient.

Only eat or write Or pull the trigger with your right hand Only thing that's left Is to work on following commands

This next section seems to be referencing the suppression of left-handed people in the past, and relating that to the oppressive nature of the Prescripts. They order you to do uncomfortable things you might not be skilled at, just like a left-handed person may have been ordered to eat or write with their right hand.

The second half ties it back into the main theme by making it about following commands. The people who follow the Prescripts are, in a way, constantly being commanded to do things, with the fear of death if they don't follow. In that way, they're constantly being trained to unquestioningly obey a higher power, just as left-handed people were made to obey the command to be right-handed.

(This part also makes me headcanon Yan as a leftie)

By the time you realize You'll be restrained to a desk And with your dreams on the floor, you comply Eyes chained to the test Find a groom or bride, bonus if brunette In ninety hours, spill their insides Paint your room picturesque

This section is long, so like the last part, I'll split it into two halves.

The first part seems to broadly reference life in The City itself. By the time you've realized you're being trained to follow random commands, you're already figuratively tied to a desk, your only option to comply further with the commands due to having already given up so much.

Yan himself seems to have given up a lot to the Prescripts. Its heavily implied he's killed loved ones, and done other horrible things just for the Prescripts, with his only reward being to become the Messenger who delivers Prescripts to others just like him.

With his dreams figuratively on the floor due to the Prescripts, all he can do is comply.

The next lines seem to continue to drive in the ludicrous nature of the Prescripts. Finding someone to marry within ninety hours is a tall order, especially if you're encouraged to focus on just brunettes. And of course, the typically-violent nature of the Prescripts is also brought up, with the next command in this sequence being to kill the very person you just married. Its also a massive tonal shift in the song.

Now it's time for another vendetta Going through the shelves, picking out my pre-written persona Children of the city sees only the neon stars Reflected upon the murky gutter sky Don't ask me why I desperately wish to be included in The City's night

The first line here might be referencing how Yan has picked up a lot of vendettas in his time delivering the Prescripts. Or at the very least, he feels like people hate him for delivering their Prescripts, just as he hates the Prescripts themselves. After that, the part about a pre-written persona seems to imply that Yan is never being his true self. All he can do to avoid the pain of what the Prescripts demand is to pretend to be someone else, a persona.

This next part is likely a metaphor, and one that I've still had trouble parsing. It could be implying that the "children of the city," which is likely those who work under the Index, or more broadly those who follow what The City desires, only see the bright neon stars, and not the dark murky gutters they're reflected in.

Finally, Yan says that he wishes to be included in The City's night, but he doesn't know why. This, to me, says that he has a secret desire to follow what The City wants of him, so that he may finally be included, rather than feel the same exclusion he's felt his entire life as a Messenger of the Index.

In four-hundred thousand meters, turn right

A nice little metaphor, comparing the Prescripts to a car's GPS system.

Pick up a knife and stab a familiar warm body Learned to fight before I knew love or bitterness of coffee Snippy scissors cut down the strings, I set myself free Only to figure out everything I chose was by proxy

The beginning of the second half of the song here seems to be implying that Yan has definitely killed people close to him before, almost definitely because the Prescripts ordered it. Furthermore, he has been doing this from a young age, as it was "before I knew love or coffee," which very much seems to be telling me he was young.

The next part of the song seems to focus on the events that led Yan to Distort. He forged Prescripts to cut himself free and establish his own free will, but everything he chose was "by proxy," as the real Prescripts told people to follow Yan's fake Prescripts. His betrayal was forseen and intended all along, and his will was never his own.

As we suckled upon the nine-millimeter pacifier Swallowing the fact that other than to expand, we had no purpose As my ever-burning will to stay afloat backfires I now know I must be comfortable Being who I considered worthless

I think the part at the start of this verse seems to be implying that suicide is a common thing among people in the Index. After all, when your will isn't your own for long enough, you may consider doing something drastic to get it back, or even just to rebel, such as committing suicide. There's also probably people who have been ordered to kill themselves by the Prescripts.

The next part is more about Yan in particular. His desire to stay afloat backfired, in the sense that the very act of clinging to his free will made it hurt him even more when he realized that his actions were all just controlled by the Prescripts, and by extension, The City. So in the end, the very people who he considered worthless, those who just follow orders like sheep without caring where they're from, are in fact just the same as him, even if he didn't realize.

Follow the city's ribbon To a heart nobody seems to listen It takes my heart being broken and broken again (Broken and broken again) To know that I am the reason why (The reason why) The sufferings never end

Yet again, let's take this from the top.

The first lines are probably referring to Yan finding the "God of The City" responsible for producing the Prescripts. After all, he was following a Prescript that led him straight there, and its a place that almost nobody else knows about.

The rest of this verse seems to be Yan talking about the pain he's felt delivering Prescripts. After all, he seems to blame himself for all the pain caused by people following the Prescripts he delivers as a Messenger, which is probably why he says that its partially his fault that the suffering in The City doesn't end.

It could also be referring to his own suffering. His internal struggle for free will, to prove that his actions are his own. Every time its disproven, his heart gets broken again. But in saying his will is his own, he's also saying that him delivering Prescripts that hurt people is his own decision.

This probably ties into why he's so willing to follow the voice telling him to Distort. Once he finally has confirmation that his will is just the will of the City, that its all determined by the Prescripts from the start, he can finally remove all the blame and pain that he's been pushing onto himself and just mindlessly follow the Prescripts.

The only part of this chorus that is different from the first chorus is the final line. It seems to be saying that Yan wants The City to notice him, that he wants it to see his actions. Maybe he feels the The City noticing him would make all of his struggling worth it, or that it'd give his life some meaning.

Do not go home until you finish reading the value of e 2.71 8281 8284 5904 5235 3602 8747 1352 6624 9775 7247 0936 9995 9574 9669 6762

This part is referencing Euler's Number, which is an irrational number, meaning it never ends. The value of this number can never be read in its entirety.

He's never going home.

Part 2 - Summary

Children of the City seems to describe Yan's thoughts and struggles in his life, as he's followed the Prescripts to both his own detriment and the detriment of those around him.

Yan wants his own free will, wants his actions and destiny to be his own. But at the same time, this desire is constantly at odds with Yan's desire to not be at fault for all the pain and suffering he feels like he's caused as a Messenger of the Index, delivering the same painful Prescripts to people that he's been following his entire life.

In short, Yan is in pain. And when he finally gets confirmation that he has no will of his own, that its all the work of the random generations of The City, he finally Distorts into a form that mindlessly follows the Prescripts, feeling no guilt or pain over anything he does.

Part 3 - More of My Ramblings

I hope this analysis makes sense, and that I'm not just hallucinating these meanings to these lines. Yan is one of my favorite new characters in LoR, and I wanted to do him justice by analyzing his Character Song to prove that I am the true Yan Scholar.

If you do have feedback, I'd love to hear it. I want to fully understand this song, and by extension, Yan Vismok himself.

#library of ruina #project mili #mili #children of the city #yan vismok

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creamiceandsugar · 7 days

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i talked previously on how i just love thinking about the paths characters are and what it means about their character or story and nothing makes it more obvious than going "of course, what else but erudition" at jade, realizing I forgot to even register what path firefly is but going "uuuh, destruction. what else could she be" and just checking for confirmation.

so i guess i'll loosely define what personality traits i personally think each path represents (very very loosely bc it really does depend on the character and there's a wide spectrum for interpretation. i'll put some examples). and right away i'll tell you i do not have harmony figured out. it's the hardest path. like, i'll try, but i am not confident.

also i'll say this, none of these "personality traits" are inherently good or bad. like for erudition i used the word "manipulator" bc i have no other word i can put down but i dont meant it in a bad way. jing yuan manipulates people all the time but it's generally for the greater good.

destruction: pretty literal. linked to destructive behavior (hook) or destruction of others and/or the self (blade/firefly). dan heng IL is so neat because technically he is so non-confrontational and doesn't Want to be destructive but it's his past self that carries it over. like, he can't escape it, it still haunts him and that is why his true path is destruction. delicious, right? also destruction of bonds (unwillingness to reconnect with jing yuan etc.) clara is the hardest to interpret but if you got a big robot with you that fires lasers then idk what to tell you

erudition: chess players, manipulators, "genius/smart". do i need examples? it's so self explanatory. easiest path to interpret for real. i think argenti is the weirdest one to be erudition, but we also dont know much about him yet and i think he's plenty smart and manipulative just. in a very eccentric way?

hunt: "has a goal to follow" in the simplest terms. very narrowed in on that goal. stubborn. (yanqing wants to get stronger, dan heng wants to be free/escape his past etc. etc.)

nihility: disconnected from people or the world around them. (in different ways. welt is from a different dimension and guinaifen works mainly online but both disconnects them from the people around them. which doesnt mean they cant form bonds or care about people)

preservation: very simple and obvious but a protector type. "by the book" (doesn't cheat). upfront. (you'd think aventurine would be the outlier but i maintain that he's more honest than people expect him to be and he hates cheating. so he plays by the rules even if he bends them and he HAS a protective instinct. i personally actually think march is the outlier here who's a bit hard to pin down but what can you expect from a girl who doesnt even really know herself)

abundance: researcher type. fascinated with humanity in one way or another. (so so hard to pin them down but i think this fits broadly, at least for now, even for gallagher. may change the more abundance characters we get. dont mention huo huo, Please, she's like a harmony/abundance hybrid anyways. and she IS fascinated with humanity ok, fascinated how confident her coworkers are anyways)

harmony: bro please, idk. look at the characters we have and tell me what they have in common. i'm dying i'm in the desert and i have no water. i WOULD have said administrators/bureaucrats who are willing to take on responsibility but then sparkle happened so i don't know anymore. also she's playing a character so what do we REALLY know about her. how about "puts their all into things". "commits"(to the bit). that feels vaguely right.

so anyways this is what i have so far. i've thought more about some than others, obviously, i have my favorite characters, but i think this can at least for now broadly apply.

#hsr #honkai star rail

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maddy-ferguson · 1 year

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in general, acting like mike is being SO obvious and clockable in being gay/his feelings for will in canon is a little. bizarre for me cause like. maybe for you for those people here who have spent months after vol.2 re-analyzing all his behavior and also we’re an unseen audience who know he’s fictional and thus know it’s narratively significant his expressions are caught in super close-up 4k? otherwise… girly… it’s really not that clear at all. will’s not just in denial and refusing to believe he can have this good thing (though he also is) like… mike has a girlfriend he has professed he loves before + abandoned will/party for in the past? and not only for will, this idea that mike’s queerness is so obvious to everyone around him. I can maybe see a ‘oh yeah… that’s makes some sense’ afterwards by the party, but no one now in the party actively disbelieves that mike is into el? lucas pushes mike towards el in s1 precisely cause it’s never ever occured to him mike wouldn’t like girls. he helps mike in s3 ‘win El back’ cause he fully thinks that’s what mike wants. more broadly on mike’s sexuality, the fact the bullies in hawkins came after will with plaintext homophobia and would’ve done the exact same to mike tells us the degree that mike is not perceived as ‘outwardly gay’ within this society. At most, you can talk about mother’s intuition with Karen encouraging mike to talk to her in season 1? But even then it feels almost like it’s meant as a subtextual double meaning /for an audience/ who recognizes its similarity to a sexuality talk vs. actually being one in-text. I mean, we’re the ones who know El’s upstairs literally tucked away by Mike in his closet. and idk on a personal af level I feel like acting like mike’s soooo clockable diminishes the power and significance of his story for those queer people who struggle for so long because of feeling so invisible, so easy and inviting to delude yourself that it /would/ be ‘easier’ on your future to blend in and continue playing at this role, even taking so long to come to terms with your feelings or sexuality yourself /because/ it was never recognized early in your life and hadn’t had it called for you before you knew it’s true. Having to live with your identity only as this private thing inside your head. the specific hurt that comes with knowing you /do/ belong to a community, but since you’ve been scared to step free of the closet doors, you’re cut off and isolated and so alone, a core part of you has never been acknowledged for who you are. afraid precisely cause you know it WOULD be a shock to others. The bravery to choose anyway to defend against disbelief, that you know YOU more than that person they’ve all believed they’ve known your whole life. and SO fucking brave when mike does, when being recognized and valued exactly as you are becomes worth more than false approvals, brave enough to turn your back on the open gate of validation, refuse your allotted slot to conformity. if only you stay invisible. but you don’t. it’s… real af

ohh wow. i agree with everything you said. like you said, it's really not just taking something that is undeniably will's and giving it to mike, it's also taking something from mike, because his is also a very real experience that comes with its own set of challenges, their experiences are so so different, deliberately so.

and i know why people do it, reversing the roles is fun sometimes, but it's not fun to me when it goes against canon by taking away experiences that are so important to who the characters are.

you don't have to get why everyone on the show clocks will as gay, you don't need to see it yourself, you just have to accept that they do! there's really no use in fighting it, especially not when it's something that's so important to his character. and same with mike, even though acting like the guy who's been romantically involved with a girl for most of the show is soooo obviously queer is just...nonsensical. it's not obvious that he's queer and in love with will, that's the whole point! it's so frustrating to see people act like it's not, even when it's just for a joke. will really isn't oblivious, the guy he's in love with literally has a girlfriend? and is frankly acting like he's obsessed with her? the vast majority of people watching the show don't think mike is queer and will is supposed to be living this 40-37 years ago. will being visibly queer (both to the audience and to the characters) and mike being the opposite serves a purpose and will isn't blind, there's really just no way he'd know after the events of seasons 3 and 4.

#yes people were denying the fact that will was gay but that's on them #mind you this is the fandom that was calling noah the straightest man alive up to 25 minutes before he came out so like. you guys aren't #very perceptive either😕#and yes it's very different he's a celebrity but ykwim and you shouldn't stereotype but you also shouldn't...stereotype the other way lol #you're so well-spoken or well. this is so well-written i'm so flattered you sent this to me🫂#ask

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heartbeatbookclub · 1 month

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About the partners headcanons ask, i meant the latter! sorry if it wasn’t obvious haha

shit this has been sitting in my askbox a while--

I have been thinking about this a good while, but I did also...kinda forget about it for a little lmao...part of the time spent thinking was of how exactly I wanted to format it. I considered doing more of a bullet points sort of thing, but I think in general it's just easier to do this the way I typically explain things on this blog.

Rather than doing specific explanations of the potential relationships between each computation of the girls together, I'm going to speak broadly over each of them and talk about it in a more Poly Dokis sense, since that's typically how I do it anyway. With that intro out of the way, here's my vision in no particular order:

Sayori in general is a very lovey sort of person, regardless of if you're just close friends, or in an actual relationship. As a result, not a great deal actually changes in that respect. She is an absolute cuddlebug and physical touch is definitely her top love language to give, to most people's enjoyment, and some people's slight annoyance (Natsuki). I imagine she works down everyone's personal bubble until it feels weirder to not have a Sayori nuzzling somewhere on their body. She likes playing with everyone's hair. They also like playing with hers; it's a win-win. She's also a big fan of spending time with the others, whatever it is. Anything is fun as long as they're together.

On terms of receiving, Sayori very much likes words of affection, though she doesn't always believe them. She needs a lot of reassurance and reciprocation to be sure that she's doing enough in the relationship, and has a constant worry that she's being overbearing, or that her own failures and stupidity makes her a burden to others around her. Regardless of who she's with, all 3 of them try their best to make it clear that she's doing perfectly fine, and they still love her, obviously.

Sayori relies very heavily on Monika emotionally. I think that's a universal truth of their relationship no matter how it's spun. She does her best to be honest with the other 2, hard as that might be sometimes, but Monika is the only one she feels she can truly be herself around, and Monika is more than happy to oblige. In return, Sayori tries her hardest to help her as well.

She genuinely likes listening to Yuri talk about whatever she's passionate about. It makes her happy to hear Yuri so passionate about something, and she's always glad to encourage her to come out of her shell more. She lets Yuri go at her own pace on terms of how they take their relationship and in general gives her a lot of patience, but as long as Yuri doesn't mind, she will take every opportunity she can get to cuddle up to her. Once she gets past her initial embarrassment, Yuri really appreciates her wordless style of affection and makes an effort to reciprocate. Occasionally, she uses Sayori like a weighted blanket.

Sayori understands that Natsuki needs more space, but is quite persistent in her efforts to break her out of her shell, too. Natsuki is initially pretty put off by Sayori's style of affection (go figure) but doesn't exactly dislike it, it's more like...not what she's used to. She initially rebuffs her, but doesn't exactly fight it very hard. She's also glad to have someone to genuinely talk about manga with, though she gets the sense that Sayori isn't exactly reading into it as much as she is...

Monika has never been in a real relationship in her life, and it shows! She treads very lightly, feeling completely out of her depth, uncertain of what's correct or expected, as though that's a normal question to have in a relationship. She's fairly naive and stumbling her way through it to start. Once she finds her footing though, she's happy to be able to provide love to the people closest to her. Maybe too happy. She tries exceptionally hard to be a good girlfriend, with little attention given to herself. This is something the other 3 try very hard to make up for.

Her primary love language has gotta be words of affection. She loves using pet names and giving lots of compliments. Once she gets over the initial embarrassment of saying "I love you", it becomes her most used phrase, and no matter how many times they hear it, it absolutely melts the others every time. She's also a huge acts of service girlie. She loves being able to buy them lunch, or give them a ride, or help them with homework, or something. She's absolutely the type of person to buy you a lunch when she hears you don't have money for one, and won't hear anything about you paying her back.

She is incredibly bad at receiving affection. She'll minimize your compliment, she'll make sure she gives you something in return for any act of service, and she doesn't want to waste your time if you have somewhere else to be. The other 3 work incredibly hard to just get her to accept that they love her, too, which forces her to introspect on the matter. The one thing she doesn't suck at receiving is physical affection, and consequently it becomes her favorite, particularly from Sayori.

Oh yeah, this is somewhat offhand, but she's a terrible kisser, at least to start. Just thought I'd throw that in too

I think the biggest thing I'd like to establish in what the other 3 see in her is that she makes you feel absolutely safe and welcome in her presence. Whenever you talk to her, suddenly all of your problems and everything stressing you out are miles away, and everything is going to be okay. And she is very happy to provide that for other people; hearing that always makes her heart happy.

She tries her absolute hardest to make sure Sayori gets everything she needs in the validation department. Monika and Sayori reflect each other a lot, to the point that they both generally know what the other is thinking even when they don't voice this. Whenever Sayori is refusing to say something because she doesn't want to create friction, but it needs to be said, Monika will say it for her. Monika voices her needs when she doesn't want to, and she trusts Sayori to do it in return.

She vents to Yuri often whenever she just needs someone to listen, and Yuri likes to rub her back to ease her stress. She does her best to listen to what Yuri has to say in return, as well as humor her talking about her interests, but has a hard time saying she shares the same passion she does for them.

Monika is the one who most enjoys flustering Natsuki, and is also typically the most successful. Natsuki, of course, really enjoys turning the tables and flustering her in return. Natsuki in particular finds it funny that Monika has turned to manga as something of a guilty pleasure.

This is something else tangentially related, but I just realized that because I only advanced my DDLC shipping thoughts in a discord server, I never posted this here, so I think an essential part here is that I think all of the other girls have a huuuuge crush on Monika. Like head over heels, for various reasons. Sayori is obvious but the others find it hard to deny, she's like, the perfect woman. Monika has no concept of anyone having a crush on her prior to them admitting this, and is completely shocked.

Yuri has a somewhat warped view of what romance looks like, given to her by media she consumes. Very pure and romantic and dripping with prose. The thought in the back of her head is constantly "I could never do that...I guess I'll be single forever..." and when she actually ends up in a relationship it ends up throwing her entire worldview out of whack in that respect. In general, the others all spend a lot of time reassuring her that they all love her for her, particularly when she's herself, unabashedly weird. Eventually, with enough persistence and some soul searching, she starts to believe it, and comes further out of her shell.

She really likes feeling important to people. She's a great listener, and her favorite thing to do is to just let other people vent about their problems to her. Her primary means of affection is quality time, with some physical affection once Sayori REALLY breaks down her sense of personal space. She'll sidle up to the others like a cat. Sayori finds this absolutely adorable. She mostly just enjoys spending time silently around other people. The others invite her places and just let her vibe. She loves it. I've mentioned it before, but she also really enjoys sending people songs and things that made her think of them. She also likes buying things that made her think of them as a gift. She's very muted in her expression of love, but she spends a lot of her time away from the others thinking of them.

I also think that Yuri kinda sucks at receiving affection, though in a different way than Monika. Monika will instinctively reject it; Yuri has no clue how to respond. It flusters her, every time, without fail, until eventually she gets used to it and her response seems somewhat flat. Although for particularly sweet gestures, she is unable to contain her excitement.

Oh, also she's probably the best kisser out of the bunch, though she is frequently too embarrassed to do much more than a peck on the cheek to start.

Sayori is her go-to whenever she wants to infodump about something she's been really into lately, because she actively listens and tries to engage her, mostly because she really enjoys it whenever Yuri is excited about something. Despite her initial hesitancy, she actually really appreciates the kind of casual physical affection which Sayori employs, because she really likes and wants physical affection, but doesn't know how to ask without feeling awkward.

She likes it when Monika vents to her. She always feels incredibly at ease around Monika, which is difficult for her to find anywhere else, much less with another person, and she really wants to give back in return what Monika gives to her. She feels comfortable enough to freely talk with Monika based on this fact, partially because she knows Monika feels the same to her. It makes her feel wanted, and she likes that.

She really tries her hardest to help when Natsuki has problems, listening to her vent about her dad, or other people, or the world, or anything else that's giving her trouble at the moment. Yuri does her best to help steer her more towards the kind of person she wants to be, and to reassure her that she isn't a terrible person.

Natsuki is averse to being in a relationship on the risk that she turns out like her parents. The only reason she's here is because the others assured her they would help her not to be. Despite her hesitancy, and her pushing back on a lot of what's given to her, she does enjoy it. (She just doesn't think she deserves it.) In general, she's just very awkward at navigating anything and everything related to it, and is very easily embarrassed by the whole thing. It takes time to get her comfortable with it.

She's very acts of service heavy. She likes making things for other people, and spends a lot of time and effort doing so. She derives a lot of joy out of directly providing for people, and particularly in the beginning, she's still convinced that's all she can provide, but she does grow better at avoiding that sort of thinking with time. She also likes spending quality time with people, probably baking, maybe chatting about/reading manga.

She is absolutely head over heels for Monika, despite finding that realization...kind of annoying. She thinks she is literally the most beautiful, perfect girl she has ever met, and despite her best efforts to ignore that powerful urge to heap praise onto her, she can't help but make an effort to impress her, which is frequently successful!...which only goads her on to do it more. She tries to get Monika to read some of the series she's more seriously invested in, because she knows Monika will get a deeper understanding of the themes and subtext.

She's envious of how easily Sayori can make friends with anyone, and finds her to be so sweet it's hard to handle. She is absolutely terrified of ever doing anything to hurt her because she knows that whatever it was, Sayori would never let go. Sayori takes great lengths to remind her that she would never do that, because she is her, not her father. She is initially annoyed by Sayori's very heavy physical affection, but also seriously appreciates it because she would never in a million years ask for a hug.

Yuri and Natsuki's relationship is special. They eventually get to a point where they just understand each other. Yuri will push back on her just enough that Natsuki is confident trusting that what she says is honest, including that she really does love her and will never leave her. She seriously appreciates that. She finds it really fun to try and get Yuri to move outside her comfort zone.

...I might have more posts in this vein to make soon, among other things, but I thought I'd get this out of my askbox now so you don't have to wait in suspense. I'm gonna go sleep. I was sorta running on fumes towards the end here, so if it seems a little more clipped there, I apologizeee

#ddlc #doki doki literature club #ddlc monika #ddlc sayori #ddlc yuri #ddlc natsuki #my headcanons #asks #ddlc poly #i am not including every ship tag. god bless

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franklespine · 5 months

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Ok lowkey why am I actually having a grand old time watching s14 rn. I think it's because at this point they have truly embraced the campyness and I enjoy a bit of sillyness. Like, in terms of the later seasons of supernatural there are certain chunks that I have enjoyed. I loved the start of s11 (yes mainly because of Sam's visions that he thinks are from god - sue me), didnt like the end of it so much tho. s12... had some moments, like I actually found the crazy child soldier conditioning of the BMOL interesting but that wasnt really a big thing. And obviously I loved sam torture time in the first two episodes - he thinks he's lost everything, nothing to live for and he's still crawling through the think of it. I LOVED the start of s13 with its sam, dean, jack nuclear family - all of them barely hanging on to their will to live - fantastic. The ending was...... something that happened..... and now ngl s14 has had the most episodes consistently that I've very much enjoyed. Idk like sure is it like a whacked parody of supernatural?? sure but it's fun. And has its fair share of juicy and intriguing character dilemmas going on. Sam running himself ragged, barely sleeping trying to create a safe hunting network. Dean not being an asshole and having Michael on lockdown in his head 24/7 banging away like damn. Cas and his Empty deal which means the second he experiences a moment of true happiness he's going to be taken??? Jesus. Jack and his constant uphill climb trying to be useful, then having this payoff being his soul to use his powers - and then he EATS Michael?? Crazy. Maybe I'm just easily entertained. Only question is literally where are they going to go from here?? I'm like 3/4 the way through and Michael's been eaten by Jack so like.... where is this going to go now??? Like sure Nick I guess but he's just some whackjob guy. You may be thinking how have you avoided this many spoilers for something that came out ages ago, and I mean I did know broadly some things that were going to happen in the series as a whole but I genuinely have no idea where s14 goes from here in the slightest. Also I had zero interaction with this show in the slightest until 2 months ago. Guess I get obsessed quickly lmao.

#supernatural #spn #sam winchester #dean winchester #castiel #jack kline #s14 #just a little review for the void <3

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charcubed · 8 months

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but is it wrong to feel upset that Neil Gaiman repeatedly acknowledged fans' readings of Azri/Crow as ace/queerplatonic if the intention was always for it to be romantic/sexual? not because that's a problem, obviously that representation is also important and I'm glad it's there, but I don't think he should've given the impression that a community with even less (practically nothing) might be represented (or at least an equally valid reading) if that was never the case? feels bad man :/

I don't think it's wrong to feel that way, because those are your feelings and you're feeling them. But I do think this is overall... a little complicated? Disclaimer before I continue: I am like a step removed from what Neil Gaiman's actions have ever been on this site or just in general lol, so I'm not speaking from the perspective of being intimately aware of the lore there or what instances you may be thinking of personally.

At minimum, all I know is that he's always said since season 1 that it's a "love story." Does that necessarily have to equal romance? I mean... no, because "love story" is a storytelling framework, but also. Well. [gestures vaguely]

But! That aside – again without knowing the history of potentially specific instances – I will say two things:

Acknowledgement of fan readings or gratitude or headcanons or whatnot does not have to always be, like, word-of-author-God tacit endorsement or confirmation of canon. It could very well be "I'm glad you enjoyed it, or "I'm glad you see yourself / see value in this story," or even (based on what I remember of some of the Discourse of the time) "I'm glad you're advocating for the legitimacy of the love in this story." What I'm trying to say (as gently as possible) is that him liking posts or engaging with fans' happiness was not necessarily a promise with any specificity of the nuances of the characters' identities in canon or where the story might go in future. Hell, it's even likely that he engaged with such a spectrum of fan content years ago that some could consider things he acknowledged to be contradictory, i.e. maybe he liked a sex indifferent ace reading and also liked a demi-and-super-into-each-other ace reading for example. (There's also something to be said for how messy things can get when a creator is this dialed into fandom conversations and engages with fans directly, because then people read into the creator's every online move, and some of the onus is on the creator for that broadly speaking, but... I digress.) So essentially, it's very possible with whatever acknowledgements he made that he wasn't intending to be giving impressions or promises of future material at all.

This is pure conjecture, but there's also nothing to say that he did always know what the "intention" would be in regards to the extent of the romantic or sexual nature of Aziraphale and Crowley's relationship. It's highly possible their relationship has evolved as much for Neil as it has for us. Writing can be like that, y'know? The characters or the way you end up taking their story can surprise you. And that's especially true in the case here, since there was an original book, and then the show vastly expanded upon their relationship in season 1, and now everything beyond that is largely uncharted story waters in terms of character work. I'd bet on it tbh. When Neil was liking tumblr posts or whatever back in ye old 2019, who knows how much he had mapped out for the future at that point?

But like, look. You're not wrong if you feel bad about it, as long as you're being normal about feeling bad (and you seem to be), aka not taking it out on anyone else or shitting on what the story is now or may become in future.

I also want to add that I don't think an ace spectrum reading has to inherently be considered irrelevant now or in the future for these characters? Yet I also very much know that that can sound like bullshit if a specific flavor of ace spectrum reading is what you had in mind, so I'm sympathetic to that :/

I don't know if this is very helpful smh but uhhh those are my thoughts. At the end of the day I'm sorry you're upset and I hope you continue to enjoy the characters / the show!

#anonymous #asks #I'm doing a little bit of catch-up on asks if you couldn't tell. hi everyone sorry I'm bad at this sometimes #I just never have short answers to literally anything RIP

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y2kbugs-moved · 1 year

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@pinkdovess @shinobi-illuminator

I’m focusing on his lung disease mainly here, but yes very good points on his physical disabilities too! I’m definitely more familiar with infectious and respiratory diseases than musculoskeletal conditions…Scoliosis is something I do have and I can say he absolutely has it. Not sure on the leg exactly. With his posture and being in pain I want to say ankylosing spondylitis but that’s a wild guess from me admittedly, it does fit his posture being increasingly hunched over and his issues with back and hips.

The easiest and shortest answer is obviously "fantasy disease that the writers used Tuberculosis as a basis for" but I am way too interested in the medical field to just go with the easy answer.

We know his disease is terminal, and that he got it from gases originating from the fissures in Zaun where he grew up around. Now, a geological fissure is “a long, narrow crack along the surface of Earth”, (and thanks to google being stupid if you try to search for fissures you will not get the geological meaning of the term)...

I’m unsure what fissure gases could mean in this context exactly and the closest I can think of are volcanic fissures/fissure vents, and volcanic gases are indeed hazardous but I really don’t think Zaun and Piltover are situated in a volcanic area at all. If we’re looking at air pollutants then sulfur dioxide is the closest thing I can think of, but as I said, I don’t think the setting is in a volcanic area at all and the symptoms can be severe but not exactly like what we saw in Viktor’s case.

I heavily headcanon Viktor's parents were mine workers at this point because it would have given him the closest proximity to the areas where such disease would occur, and he's definitely lost a loved one to this disease (that and miners are historically very poor and low-class).

A lot of his symptoms are definitely reminiscient of Tuberculosis and that’s absolutely what the writers based it on, but his disease is not infectious. TB is highly contagious, like COVID, that’s kind of the biggest scare about it besides the whole...coughing up blood thing.

But Tuberculosis does have a cousin, (or arguably a twin, considering how similar it is and how it’s been misdiagnosed) in an occupational lung disease called Silicosis (There is an image of a diseased lung in the article if you are squeamish, but the text is informative).

It’s non-contagious, often found in poor mining conditions, can be chronic and take a decade or more to show symptoms. The only thing that feels different is that it does not cause hemoptysis (the classic coughing up blood symptom) as far as I know, but since the condition is so comorbid with TB, it’s probably going to happen.

More broadly, Viktor has a form of Pneumoconiosis.

CF is an easy guess but can’t be it because not all the symptoms match up and it is a disease where the primary cause is genetics inherited from parents, whereas Viktor’s disease is most definitely from air pollutants/gases and may be occupational.

Silicosis also leads to lung cancer as well as tuberculosis.

Of course he isn’t gonna be 100% accurate to real world diseases and most likely the writers just went with tuberculosis and scoliosis as easy, well known diseases to use as the basis. And they did that really well!

#arcane #arcane viktor #viktor arcane #viktor #long post #sorry I am really interested in medicine

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morningstargirl666 · 5 months

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oh wow oh wow oh wow. I just read TBBW and the other wolfblood stories and I am absolutely 100% blown away. your writing and world building is absolutely incredible and your mastery of each character and their relationships is something to be admired. like holy shit. one of my favorite parts is how you developed the werewolf lore so much -- I always thought they could do SO much better (and you did!!). ((also also I absolutely LOVE sam as a character, he's amazing and I love his interactions with everybody)) but question for you: how do (some) werewolves consider the curse a gift if the trigger is killing someone (in canon at least)? I can't recall if that was the only way to trigger it in TBBW or not. but ty for sharing your story! <3

omg omg HI!!!

First of all, thank you so much for all the nice words! Absolutely love that you have enjoyed my self-indulgent crusade against canon lmao 😂 I feel very honoured! Love you so much ✨❤️

And your question! Funnily enough, this is going to be explored in more depth in the editing I've been doing to The Little Wolf...it's uh...not 11k anymore. [nervous laugher] More like...30k? Once I've finished it, I'll re-post, so watch out for that update.

ANYWAY as for my lore around the werewolf curse, I've had it in my head for a long time (hence me laying the groundwork in for TBBW, how it's gift, not a curse etc). There's a LOT to it, so let me try and explain in a coherent way:

So. First, the way the wolf is triggered is slightly different than canon. In my head, all that werewolf backstory (that came in I think in The Originals but don't quote me on that) where a witch cursed people to turn on a full moon after they themselves had killed someone, creating the werewolf species - is bullshit. That did not happen here. In TBBW and its related stories, werewolves evolved. Whether they started off as witches who meddled in shapeshifting magics, or simply evolved as an adjacent species to the human race I'll leave unclear (i feel that werewolves probably tell their children legends of how werewolves came first, man and wolves evolving from them lol, like their little own creation story). And like the scientific theory of evolution, werewolf packs have different traits/attributes because they reproduced with certain gene pools. Some are stronger, some are faster, some - like Lycaon and Klaus, werewolves from North America and Scandinavia (because the continents used to be joined, especially during the ice ages I think) - are larger, like Dire Wolves.

Now, my theory is, like I said, is that lycanthropy isn't a curse. It's sorta like a defence mechanism? So strong emotions of fear, anger, panic, anything that comes with trauma or what ignites that fight/flight instinct, coming of age even - that's what triggers it, what awakens the wolf and brings it forth and any death that happens because of that anger is merely a consequence, not a cause. Now obviously, hundreds of years ago, people didn't have an understanding of mental health or the idea of trauma, not really. I mean shellshock was a term more broadly used after the World Wars, which is barely 100 years ago. So, werewolves wouldn't have seen this scientific/logical reasoning behind it.

However, they also didn't believe it was merely taking a life that caused it. That reasoning, came from fear, people like Mikael who feared werewolves because of their power and strength. It's basically propaganda from the winning side of the feud between supernatural species. Like you said, werewolves believe it to be a gift. Perhaps even, a gift from the gods themselves.

In The Little Wolf it's going to be explained that they believe Death demands a sacrifice, but Death also doesn't care how that sacrifice is given. Yes, you can awaken the wolf if you kill a man. But you also awaken the wolf if you watch a family member die in front of you, grieving their loss. Furthermore, I always thought you also have to consider how killing someone a thousand years ago wasn't a horror or crime it is now. People killed to survive, to defend their families, even to prove their worth. I'm not talking about cold-blooded murder, but killing as warriors. Most cultures it was probably even an act of coming of age.

Here's a snippet from the The Little Wolf that probably explains it better, where young pack members are being initiated into Lycaon's pack:

The Alpha stared down at the young wolves, his eyes kind as he stood before them, assessing each of them in turn. “Will you answer their call tonight?” He asked; a question for them and them alone. A chorus of ‘Aye’ answered him, the young wolves keeping their heads bowed. The Alpha nodded and turned, gesturing for an elder wolf-woman to step forward, her face wrinkled by time. In one of her hands hung a cluster of necklaces, each unique to its owner, and in the other, a bowl of blood, drawn from every member of the pack. The first, a silver trinket forged from the metal of the enemy’s sword he had slain. The second and third, necklaces made of small bones from the animal they had killed on their first hunt alone. The fourth, made of wooden beads that used to decorate necklaces adorning her mother’s breast, a possession of a relative recently lost. Many feared the wolf-men because of the way their wolves woke, satisfied only by Death herself. But what was little known, was Death did not discriminate. She did not care either way, if the death you witnessed was dealt by your own hand or by the cruelty of fate. The Alpha himself had befallen such a trial, his wolf woken the day of his father’s death, taken by the floods of a great storm that had robbed his mother of her mate. Death was Death, a notion that transcended all languages and cultures, timeless in its power and prestige. Just as there was a Beginning, there had to be an End. And only through seeing death, did one truly understand the nature of life.

Does that make any sense? Lol there's a lot to it (and tbf there's probably more I'm forgetting to say). Klaus, despite Mikael's abuse, never triggered the wolf for reasons that will be explained in The Little Wolf.

Thanks so much again, I've had the shittiest day and your ask arriving in my inbox really brightened it. So thank you ✨

#the big bad wolf #asks #tbbw #klaroline fanfiction #klaroline #klaus x caroline #fanfiction #morningstar writes #the little wolf #werewolf lore #you know that meme where its like the tip of the iceberg and then there's the iceberg under the water #yeah think of that when you think about the werewolf lore #it is a LOT #sneak peak #you ask and I provide

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aeide-thea · 1 year

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[psychiatric/pathologizing terminology, holocaust imagery, slurs, in-group/reclamatory deployments of]

i've seen people complain in the past that the term 'paranoid reading' is ableist, and i thought, μέν i'm always open to refining the framings i use for things, δέ maybe i should, you know, actually go look at the sedgwick before formulating an opinion—only it turns out 4 in the morning is not, shocker, actually the best time to be trying to wrap yr head around anything complex? however at first glance it does seem worth noting that whatever one's stance on psychiatric-flavored terminology, the original essay is not in fact deploying it accidentally or, i'd argue, wholly appropriatively—it's very explicitly connecting the label to its history of use against queer people to pathologize queerness. so my initial instinct here is that while i do still see why the term might make people flinch, it does seem like sedgwick's deployment of it was deliberate, informed, and in a certain sense reclamatory. doesn't mean it's therefore invalid to flinch at it! but does make flinching at it fairly analogous to flinching at deliberate, informed, reclamatory deployments of the pink triangle, or of language like queer, fag, dyke, etc—id est, something it's valid to want to avoid, if it triggers you, but not in fact categorically inappropriate.

it obviously gets more complicated as we move away from 'queer [still at the time of writing literally pathologized in the DSM!] theorist discussing/attempting to practice antihomophobic theorizing' towards 'people of unspecified positionality applying sedgwick's concepts to arenas farther afield from either queerness or pathologization,' and i do really want to be mindful here of how comparatively little i've personally been subject to this sort of involuntary pathologizing labeling and how that positions me vis-à-vis this discourse, and also of hierarchies of psychiatric pathologization more broadly, but. my initial sense (while still not, to be clear, having fully digested or even finished reading the sedgwick piece!) is that the action item wrt this particular language is less 'strike it from our lexica' and more 'be mindful of its potential to twist in our hands and cut people, and use it with the respect any knife is due, and with attention to our safety circle.'

which is really, i think, the answer more often than not: we often seem to want things to be an automatic, no-thought-required yes/no, when in fact there's very little that has no potential for harm and requires no thought, and also very little that ought to be categorically off limits. most things are situational, really, and deserve more active (re)examination than they often get; but we do so love our thin-slicing!

#lol this is. so long and so unnecessary #however. it's still dark out. coherence and concision are daylight goals #(this stuff sucks bc like. there really are very genuine competing needs here and that's always hard!)#(would be easy to say 'no one ever gets to use language that's been used to hurt people' but like.#for SO many reasons that can't actually be the answer.)#(but like. as often i think the problem here isn't actually this language—#it's when people use it who don't give a shit abt pathologized people #and even then the problem isn't primarily that the language usage itself is appropriative or ableist‚ so much as that it's like #SO untethered from the original concerns abt pathologization #that it's like. oh i see: the only way that issue is making it into the room is as a spectre of itself harnessed to describe other concerns #these tags are becoming as much a mess as the post itself but i just do think a lot abt like. things people want to label Inherently Bad #and how often it's like. less that they're actually Inherently Bad and more that they point up the badness of something adjacent #and press on the bruise of that #if that makes any sense! it's of course splitting hairs but we love that around here. aspiration: machined levels of precision.

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swiftstigmata · 2 years

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ok wait what’s your hot take on r*ta o*a being good for him! i have heard ppl say she’s hella problematic but i don’t know specifically why ?? hit us w ur thoughts pls

I'm putting this under a readmore because I absolutely refuse to force people to read r*ta o*a discourse against their will. but the tl;dr version of this is: yes, she's an insufferable person. yes, I think he's happy with her. yes, I have recently become very parasocial. yes, this is embarrassing.

Firstly tbh I think 'problematic' is a rough term, but in short, yeah, rita (we're on a first name basis now apparently) has a long history of career success based on blackfishing. She also broke lockdown rules in Nov 2020 by paying a restaurant £5k not to report her so she could have her 30th birthday (lol. except it's not funny is it it's serious). People also find her general career annoying but honestly I don't think there's anything wrong with doing whatever you can to be in front of the camera because, like, that's her job, so let's set that aside.

I unfortunately was susceptible to the Rita Ora propaganda when this interview came out in the Independent and started to kinda...like her. In the way you like your friend's messy cousin whose drama brings joy into your life. It helps that I am obsessed with her sister Elena, who seems to be her manager, handler, PR, publicist, and best friend all wrapped into one and is literally doing that better than like...the entirety of the Marvel team. "Why is Rita Ora here what is she even famous for" IT WAS ELENA. I would also bet money it was Elena who organised the damage control Independent interview and honestly, props. Excellent mopping up after the Covid fiasco. I want to study her in a lab etc.

It really confused people when Taika and Rita started dating (late Feb 2021, if you want to know the timeline so you don't have to be crazy like me and investigate it), but my hot take is actually that this is totally unsurprising and makes sense wrt what we know about both of them & their personal lives. Now THIS is when it gets really parasocial. You asked.

They have a similar group of friends - they were friends for 4 years before "complicating things" (absolutely deranged way of putting it, Taika, thank you) - and a lot of overlapping circles. They're both loud and ambitious with a tendency to overcompensate for nerves by just getting louder and more annoying, they're both party people who drink and dance and [redacted redacted]. Taika had just gone through his (now officially self-confessed! everyone say thank you Lie Detector video) 2018-2020 mid-life crisis and was filming Love & Thunder. CRUCIALLY, they had similar childhood experiences based around culture shock and forced assimilation - if you're reading this you probs know about Taika's experiences, but the tldr of the Oras is that they fled Former Yugoslavia just before the war and moved to London. Both Elena and Rita (first name basis here is killing meeee btw) have talked about the difficulty they had in adjusting (though Rita was just a baby). The Ora management team and inner circle still to this day consists mostly of the children of fellow refugees who moved to London at the same time and are childhood friends of the sisters. Elena stepped into the management role at 18 because their parents didn't have a good enough grasp of English to keep Rita safe in the industry. SO: broadly familiar childhood experiences on both sides, plus a tendency to keep close to friends and people you trust, etc etc.

In terms of them being good together - I literally don't know these people, obviously, I've just been obsessed for two months so I have a disturbing amount of knowledge in terms of what they choose to show us. In short: they seem happy. They seem to want to do similar things - go to shows, be papped, go to parties, get shit-faced, travel, and be domestic. There's this recent picture from the Dior show where she looks so happy it made me physically recoil from the screen.

Rita also talks in the Elena Propaganda Coup interview about how she has been in consistent therapy since she was fifteen because of crippling anxiety and panic attacks, and Taika recently mentioned in the Wired Autocomplete interview that he's now in therapy ("Who is Taika Waititi? Ask my therapist, that's what we're trying to figure out." [everyone who has watched Boy 2010 breathes a sigh of relief]).

FINALLY FINALLY the recent hyperspecific leak to the Mail and the Sun (not linking because I refuse to give them clicks but..) about their probable engagement and low-key wedding reads very much to me like a strategic planting - either because they knew the story was about to leak and wanted to get ahead of the story, or because they were throwing the press a bone in the hopes that they'd be left alone for the actual wedding. ELENA STRIKES AGAIN. The fact that the Mail keeps referring to Taika as "Rita Ora's fiance" (scream....so funny on so many levels) without either team issuing a denial is half a confirmation. Taika did fully dodge the question on This Morning which made me yell bc fuck Philip Schofield but is also NOT A DENIAL. Either way the idea that they're having a tiny wedding at some point in the near future without wanting it on social media spells happiness to me (not that having a big wedding means you aren't in love. then again this is a post about rita ora I'm cancelled already). Rita obviously wants kids and a big family and everything that entails so this was a fairly predictable move for them (predictable if you are me and Zoe @wolfhalls who seem to be psychic when it comes to Rita/Taika moves. What a useless skill). I just think it's cute I guess.

BUT TO SUM UP. Yes she is insufferable. Yes she's definitely privileged and ignorant. Yes the COVID thing was absolutely stupid and feels like a hugely coked up impulsive move to me. But also yes I think the hate she gets online is totally disproportionate and mostly driven by neckbeard men on reddit and whoever the fuck it is who comments on Deuxmoi, and I also think Taika is an insufferable person too so they match! Kidding I luv him. but also. Tune in next time for the great 2016-2018 PA Scandal Timeline. (KIDDING. I will not be doing that. But you get the point). The Rita that exists in my head is my best pal the girls who get it get it the girls who gornt...gornt. Thanks for reading.

#.txt #this is literally embarrassing.#but you did ask #rita ora for all the sensible people who have her filtered on here. as you should. wish i was you #asked

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groundcontrol21 · 2 years

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2 for the ask game! And... could I hear your 7 opinions on Aramis?

2. what in your fiction has turned out differently than you expected when you began? what has always remained the same?

Well, since this came from the general section of the questions, I’ll answer more broadly: I never expected to be writing solely for fun. I started writing as a kid/preteen for fun, yes, but always with the goal of being a published author very firmly in the back (or front) of my mind. When I won my first national contest at 14, that was just enough to make it seem like this goal could actually be a reality, and to ensure that for the next four years, I almost never wrote anything purely for fun again. I tailored everything I wrote to what I thought other people wanted to see, and in large part it worked: I won contest after contest, won money for what I wrote, got pieces published in magazines and even wrote a whole novel that got published through a small indie publisher. But because I was writing purely for external validation, I began to view it as a chore, as something I had to do bc I was “the star writer”, and that’s all.

Now whether you all think any of those accolades were deserved based on the quality of writing I share here is another story 😂 but also please know that I do not share that type of writing here. I agonized over every word and plot point, edited and edited again to the point where many times I was an inch away from deleting the whole thing and starting from scratch. Not all of this obsession with perfection was bad; I learned very valuable techniques and style choices that I still use to this day, but crucially, I can now use them in a way that satisfies me and no one else. Obviously I still plan and edit my work that I share here bc I take pride in it, but the process is so more relaxed. I have found a joy and freedom in creating (both on here and on vanilla fanfic) that I don’t even think I had when I started writing as a wee child.

Maybe one day I’ll write something and have it published again, but I’ve gotten to the point that I can honestly say I’m fine if I never do. That’s what’s changed, and for the better. I take pride in my writing, that part has stayed the same through it all, but the source of it has changed from how others value my work to how I value it.

(oops kinda deep for a snz blog)

7. do you have a favourite scene of theirs in canon, or in your own work? what scene have you always wanted to see or write for them?

Psh, “can you hear my opinions on Aramis”. I will give my opinions on Aramis whether they are prompted or not! (though thank you so much for asking ofc, and hyping up my obsession). So favorites, bc in my mind there are 3 subtly different versions of the guy that I love:

Book: The mf dropped-handkerchief-intro-scene, for obvious reasons (may have a bit of a handkerchief fetish on top of it all) but also since the little verbal sparring match he gets into with D’Artagnan here contains, in my opinion, some of the funniest lines in the book. Also love the part where he gets shot and tries to be brave about it but can’t carry on

Movie musical: the part where he sings and sniffs the damn handkerchief, my god, you absolutely insane man.

BBC show: The absolute whump-filled angst fest that is episode 4, because I am a terrible person.

In terms of my writing, though, I really love him in”A Routine Occurrence”, being a good friend but not being at all happy about it. Especially when he says he thinks he’s getting a fever 😈

In terms of what I’d like to see, though perhaps not write myself bc I’d be so out of my depth, would be what I’ve sort of danced around in my fics: him in bed with his mistress, getting a little spicy only to have to put it all on hold bc he’s dreadfully ill. Or, him picking up a cold from a lady who swears she’s recovered but really isn’t after all (but of course it’s all worth it to him, the daft man).

#thank for asking!!#answered asks

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grandhotelabyss · 2 months

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Do dreams play any role in your life or work, aside from the obvious one of 'I dream just like everyone else'? Do you ever draw artistic or other insight inspiration from them? What even are they, you reckon?

Yes, I love dreams. I don't know exactly what they are, but I hew to the traditional wisdom that they are messages from "somewhere else," whether this be "above," from God or the gods, as in the ancient view, or "below," from the subconscious, as in the modern view.

Obviously dreams are inspired nonsense and "the remains of the day," but it is precisely in this semi-random recombination of imagery that a true sign may coalesce, the way the random shuffle of the Tarot deck produces an intelligible "reading" of the querent, or the avant-garde cut-up technique allows intimations of the future to emerge. I wrote about dreams' relation to my writing, and to literature in general, here. I recounted two political dreams I had in which I found myself in a right-wing and a left-wing dystopia here; I took these dreams to be reasonably apt contributions to political theory.

The other night a name came to me in a dream. I remember very little about the dream, not even who "I" was in it. But whoever I was, I was looking at an schedule for a philosophy conference posted online. I don't remember who the scheduled presenters were or the titles of their papers, but I remember thinking—again, political concerns—that all the papers were broadly "fascist" in outlook. At the center of my vision, however, was the name "Kristen Nous." In the space where the title of her paper should have been was only a question mark.

Now I can reconstruct the origins of the dream's constituent parts: I'd read this essay shortly before falling asleep (the background color of the philosophy conference schedule website in the dream was also pink) and I'd recently re-encountered the term νοῦς (nous) in an excerpt of Don Juan I was reading for my Invisible College episode on Byron. But I still find it an inspired remixing of those two disparate elements.

"Kristen Nous" is a wonderfully preposterous name for a philosopher—even Dickens or Pynchon might hesitate—so I will certainly use it in my next novel, which was already going to be about utopias and dystopias and the "pink" way in which some of them will present themselves to us in the future (I'm thinking here of my 10-year-old essay on Spike Jonez's Her, in which I used the film—and Ulysses—to predict what is only now beginning to occur: a fusion of neoreactionary politics with mainstream techno-sentimental neo-modernist utopianism.)

#dreams

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a-god-in-ruins-rises · 2 years

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Given that you're extremely American and extremely anti-Christian, how do you account for our Puritan Christian heritage?

good question!

first, i don't really think there's much need to account for anything. the puritan and christian heritage in general are simply products of their time. i can't fault them for that. and obviously there is much about them, their morality, their theology, that i would be opposed to.

but with all that said, i think there is also much to love about them and i'm actually quite proud of our puritan heritage. i really can't think of a better sect of christianity to have played such a defining role. can you imagine if it was catholics instead?? i shudder at the thought.

puritans were nonconformists, radicals, and revolutionaries. from their beginnings they had an influential role in the spread of the english enlightenment. there were deistic strains of puritanism which emphasized reason and natural theology. puritans were studious scholars and scientists and alchemists. they were republicans! they loved freedom; well-ordered and virtuous freedom. not anarchists. they were disciplined and pious and industrious. and despite popular conceptions, they were were romantics and poets and lovers (within the confines of marriage of course, but still). they were visionaries seeking to establish a "holy commonwealth".

and to be honest, even if the strains of puritanism that are less popular or less influential there is a lot of interesting political and theological thought. and here i'm using the term "puritan" very broadly to refer to a wide range of religious non-conformists who believed the reformation didn't go far enough: quakers, levellers, ranters, seekers, the free grace puritans, etc. i think there's something to be said for all that, even if they ultimately didn't "win". point is that it's a rich and complex world of radical ideas and i love that even if i don't necessarily agree with every idea.

my only other point i would make is that our puritan heritage is just one part. i would argue that paganism is just as much of an influence, if not more so. both directly through our founders'/historical elites' conscious and overwhelming preoccupation with the enlightenment and renaissance and classical philosophy and indirectly through paganism's influence on christianity itself and folk traditions and through innate and unconscious pagan inclinations in general. but that's a topic for another time.

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onewomancitadel · 2 years

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Ok this will be my final useless question. What are your Top 10 favorite anime of all time? Is it the stuff you just mentioned here? If you cant give me 10 anime then just list your top 10 favorite stories. That is all and thank you for your time mam.

Not useless at all, anon. Answering asks is fun!

I only get funny talking about my favourite stuff like this because I was made fun of a lot, so I'm sort of just anticipating that lol. It's easier to talk about stuff I like on my blog if there's sort of an an argumentative bent to it.

I've mentioned my favourite anime (and I still have some on a list which I know I want to watch), but I'm not so sure about ten favourite stories in general. I mentioned some of my favourite stories in the previous ask (and favourite book, when I know most people struggle to name a favourite lol)... my favourite fairytale when I was a little girl was Thumbelina. I still think about the illustrations from that version I had, and I can't find it anywhere online, it was so beautiful. I loved how she persisted through her circumstances and finally found someone she could truly be herself with, she just needed wings, she wasn't the one who was wrong. (:

I think it's also hard to admit how much I like R/WBY, since I really sincerely do, and I'm used to people trying to convince me not to like it. It's something I put on when I just want something to watch which will make me happy but isn't an enormous commitment, and I especially like jumping around volumes. It's obviously got the fairytales, and the mythic storytelling, and some of my favourite characters, and I like a lot of the narrative devices it employs, and I like the way it plays around with and reconstructs expectations, and generally speaking - all of those thematic considerations I'm always interested in - are very much explored in R/WBY.

That's obviously what I post a lot about on Tumblr too, because there's a lot which interests me in the way it's told, and I especially like the narrative symmetry. It's also got that element of emotional sincerity which I mentioned.

I don't know, I'm not that interesting. I love Odyssey. That contains some of my favourite, essential, eternal themes of homecoming after war, and obviously in terms of poetics I think it's very interesting.

I'm hesitant to go into more, sorry, I just know a lot of what I like is really embarrassing, and it's easier to talk more broadly or with an argumentative bent, or about one very specific thing. The Land of the Beautiful Dead is my favourite romance novel, and I've posted about that before on its own, for instance.

I could probably name favourites for books, film, animation etc. as separate categories, but I'm not sure about all-time, and even then I think some of my favourites are a bit divisive or not interesting.

I apologise for the time it took to respond to this ask, I have been quite unwell, and then I struggled to come up with an answer just because I am afraid of scrutiny. I don't usually have issues answering anons at all, so you're more than welcome to send more if you feel like it. (:

Hope you have a great day and thanks for your asks. <3 <3

#seraphina's asks #user: anonymouse #stirring the pot #opinions tag I guess lol

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tomatograter · 3 years

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If he has internalized homophobia then why he has no problem telling Dave he used to date a guy? Like, as you said, he cares about his reputation, and we know he really wanted Dave to like him, so that prolly means he was quite careful with what he could or couldn't say in front of him, specifically after he discovered that Bro abused him. So what I'm trying to say, if he cared about being gay, I think he would have avoided telling him he dated Jake? Or at least give it a second thought? I don't see what's the problem with Dirk being against labels, he seems that type of person, he prolly thinks that makes him more intellectual or some stupid thing like that

Hmmm thats not exactly what I said. I don't think Dirk has internalized homophobia so much as <he's afraid of the outside reception to the fact that he's gay, and how people will perceive him based on it>. Dirk knows that he's gay. We know Dirk is aware of that since he was at least 13, because he's already throwing undeniably romantic advances at Jake by then to test the waters. Dirk isn't in cutesy denial about anything here, he doesn't have the time or luxury for that. His problem is more that once you state 'Yes I Am Gay' as a definition of your character, that comes with a Lot of historical baggage and expectations- and from dirk's perspective, both the expectations and historical baggage are something so incredibly divorced from his reality in a future where no human society exists that he's waaaayyyyyy too careful of making that association. It could potentially bust the image he's trying to project.

Again, Dirk's thing is performance. Esp the performance of masculinity. He is the one homestuck character that truly, genuinely, wholeheartedly cares about putting up an image of what it means To Be Masc. He does this because he likes it. He's not forced to do it, he's not under societal pressure to do it, he's not whinning about how much he hates it, he's not doing it at gunpoint; this is a set of parameters he came up with for himself, even in complete isolation. They are a statement and holy boypledge he's making.

He thinks it is Very Cool, and he would like it if you thought it was Very Cool Too (especially if that transmits an image of how strong and reliable he "totally" is). And, again, when you think about our early 2000-10's context of GAYNESS, because homestuck is an extremely time-bound comic, the image "being gay" summons is... really not the one I described above. We're talking about gay men being stereotyped as catty & cowardly & effeminate, about the constant punchlines around 'useless fairies' (a term that was used to refer specifically *to* feminine, submissive, oft gender-transgressive gays ) not incidentally, Dirk's godtier is revealed to him in-comic through a drawing that depicts him as a fairy. He's immediately put off by it. Dirk and Jake's godtiers were called Fagtiers by more than a portion of the fandom. Relics of this are still high up on google images if you search for pictures of their godtiers, lol. Essentially, to admit to his gayness openly and broadly in that timeframe is to be stereotyped as something he doesn't entirely identify as, in an environment that is far from welcoming.

I am pretty open about reading Dirk as a trans man, and what I think is happening here is that together with Roxy's constant insinuations that Dirk Should Have Her Babies, Dirk is ultimately afraid that his claim to being a homosexual paints him as innately womanly. He either gets to be a man or he gets to love men. There's no middleground, or else these social features will cancel eachother out like pemdas. What we see in Homestuck is his haphazard attempt to keep both things intact. His courtship of Jake is only allowed if it is strictly masculine, if it seems like he has a semblance of control, if it looks like they are both just Dudes being Bros throwing it down like Fellow Action Men. This is harmful for Dirk and gives him extreme emotional constipation; not to speak of how tiring it is for Jake to try to keep up with this months-long improv game of Xtreme Axe Bodyspray Marathon when they could just... date. Jake really wouldn't mind if they decided to paint each other's nails or have stereotypical sleepovers or just chill out and have fun like Jane and Roxy are obviously doing. Jake would be fine with being soft so long as he's not being made fun of. But Dirk struggles with letting any sign of dangerous sensitivity show under the assumption that it will be read as a weakness, an inadmissible vulnerability in his set of armor.

Which becomes all the more relevant once you note that when Dirk's trying to convince Dave that he's not a threat and certainly not a monster, one of the first things he admits to is "I like men."

#homestuck #meta #dirk strider #jake english #roxy lalonde #dave strider #f slur #i have a few backlog asks about dirks transness i intend to get to eventually #writeups just take more time thanks to all the footnotes and links #dirkjake #adjacent at least

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