#what ever happens next I'm going to have a TIME I'm sure

[scribblesofagoonerr]

— We just want the best for you

pairings: lia walti x reader, caitlin foord x reader, katie mccabe x reader, leah williamson x reader

summary: reader has only ever wanted her mums' to work together and finally they both seem to be in agreement with one another.

this ones' been drafted for a while, but i found it a bit hard to get it written the way that i wanted it too...

anyways, i hope this lives up to the expectations and stuff.

let me know what you think!

"So, how long has this been going on for?" Lia questions, breaking the silence in the room between the three of you after the not so awkward hug with her ex-girlfriend.

"A while," You admit while biting your bottom lip as you move to sit on the sofa in the living room in Caitlins' home.

Caitlin furrows her eyebrow in concern as she follows you into the room, "Why didn't you tell us about it before, kiddo?" She wonders.

You think about your mums' question for a second or two. You honestly wish you could have told them both, but could you when all they seem to do is argue with eachother whenever they're in the same room for longer than 5 minutes?

"Well, I couldn't do that," You murmer, picking at the skin on your finger nails; A nervous habit you'd picked up when your stuck in a situation like the current one that you're facing.

"Y/N, wait, what are you talking about?" Lia catches up to you both in the unfamiliar living room, having not been here too often for her own benefit. "We're your parents, sweetheart. You know that you can come and talk to us any time at all!" She insists.

"Like its' so easy to do that?" You think to yourself, continuing to pick at the skin on your finger nails.

Caitlin nods in agreement, "Your Mamas' right, kiddo. We're here for you, depsite what has happened. You know this!" The Aussie tries to reassure you, placing her hand gently on your knee.

"I can't though, can I?" You can't help but scoff, "Cos' you two are always fighting and you didn't even realise what was going on! You just put it down to me acting out at school, but you didn't think there was anything going on to cause it!" You don't mean to shout, but you can't help the frustration in your voice about it all.

"We... We don't argue all the time kiddo," Caitlins' taken back by your words.

"Yes you do!" You exclaim in disbelief and shake your head. "That's all you do whenever you two are in the same room as each other-- All you do is argue!"

"Y/N, sweetheart," Lia tries to speak.

"It's true, Mama!" You throw your hands up in the air in protest, "You two seriously can't even get along, ever!" You exclaim, knowing that you speak nothing but the truth when it comes' to your two mums' not getting along.

You start to feel like its' a turning point when Lia and Caitlin look at one another with the same concerned look.

Finally!

"You're right, kiddo. We're sorry," Caitlin states in realisation.

"We want to help you, sweetheart. We're going to deal with this," Lia chimes in.

"What? You're going to deal with your issues?" You sacrastically question, trying to fight the urge to roll your eyes.

"Y/N," Lia gives you a pointed look in reference to your newfound attitude.

"What? I'm just speaking the truth and you know I'm right!" You huff in defiance, glancing between the two of them. "Whys' it always got to be so difficult for the two of you to just get along? I need you both!" You exclaim.

Your mums' seperation wasn't the easiest to deal with, you're not entirely sure what happened, but your not blind to see that Lia holds a certain resentment towards Caitlin now, along with Katie to an extent.

Sometimes you wish things could just be simple like they used to be.

"We're going to try for you kiddo," Caitlin declares, sharing a look with her ex before she smiles reassuringly at you. "Whatever you need, we're both here for you, kiddo." She adds.

"O... Okay then," You murmer in agreement.

"So, what's the next step then?" Caitlin turns to Lia for her help with the situation.

"We'll go down to the school and talk to the prinicpal, talk to them and tell them whats' been going on," Lia finishes the explanation.

"Right, good," The Aussie women nods in agreement.

"Together," Lia states, pursing her lips together.

Caitlin can't help but scoff slightly, "Are you sure you don't want to take Leah with you instead? Cos' you didn't have much of a problem with that last time." She speaks out of spite, not too keen after what happened the last time you were in trouble at school.

The Swiss women exhales a sigh and shakes her head, "Caitlin, no, I'm not getting into this-- This is about our daughter and whats' best for her!" She insists.

"What would've been best was if I went down to the school instead," Caitlin mumbles, not willing to let it go that easy without a conversation about it.

"Oh, seriously? You're bringing this up again?" Lia looks at the women in disbelief.

"Yes,  I am!" Caitlin exclaims, not wanting to back down from argument. "Because its' still relevant!" The women states.

"No its' not," Lia shakes her head in disagreement.

"Yes it is--" Caitlin goes to object.

"You're doin' it again!" You shout aloud over the two of them. "Can you two seriously not argue for once? Seriously!" You can't help the intital anger that comes over you, the two of them agreed to try and push their differences aside to be there for you and less than 10 minutes later, they're once again arguing again.

"Y/N," Lia furrows her eyebrows, confused.

"Kiddo, we're just talking," Caitlin tries to explain.

"This... This is the reason I didn't want to tell you what's been going on! You two are so angry with each other that no matter what the situation is, you always just end up arguing!" You're too angry to care if anyone else can hear whats' going on right now. "You don't care about my feelings or my problems! You're both so selfish!"

"Y/N/N, thats' not true," Caitlin objects.

"It's not true, sweetheart. We do care about you, your the most important thing in the world to us both," Lia chimes in, trying to take a hold of your hand.

You instantly snatch your hand away and scoff at the two of them, "Wow. For once, you both actually agree about something," You murmer, going to stand up from the sofa. "The two of you really need to work out your issues in therapy or something!" With that, you storm off out of the room, making your way to go and find Ella, whos' no doubt still on a TikTok live in her bedroom.

"Y/N--" Lia tries to call you back in.

"Just let her go, Lia," Caitlin stops the Swiss women from going after you. "She needs the time to calm down. I think shes' gone to find Ella." She explains.

The room is completely silent between Lia and Caitlin, so much that you would be able to hear a pin drop in the room but you'll take the positivity of that at least they're not arguing again.

"Shes'... Shes' right, Caitlin," Lia exhales a sigh and glances at the Aussie women for her acknowledgement. "All we do is argue in front of her and it needs to stop." She tells her ex-girlfriend.

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Caitlin murmers in agreement with her ex.

"We need to find a way to work together and co-parent. We missed the signs of our daughter being bullied because we're at each others' throats all the time," Lia confesses, shaking her head as she feels awful how she missed it entirely.

Was she so caught up in bickering with her ex that she didn't even realise you were being bullied at school?

"I... I know, Y/N needs to come first," Caitlin insists, wanting to at least be on the page as her ex about her daughters' wellbeing, "Look, if we're gonna do this then we all need to be on the same page, alright?" She wonders.

"Meaning?" Lia questions, furrowing her eyebrows.

"Well I'm with Katie and your with Leah," The Aussie women cuts straight to the chase.

"We're just friends," Lia interjects.

Caitlin scoffs slightly, "Sure, keep telling yourself that. So friends, or whatever you want to call it, we all need to be there to help her out-- I'm guessing Leah's outside?" She asks, knowing full well the blondes' more than likely out in the car.

"Shes' outside in the car," Lia replies in agreement.

"Right, well, you might as well invite her inside then," Caitlin nods and clicks her tongue. "Katie will be home soon as well, so we'll all sit down, the 5 of us and talk." She declares.

"Together?" Lia asks, hesistant about the idea of that.

"Together. United as co-parents," Caitlin nods along in agreement.

Even as hesitant that Lia is about all 4 of them being in the same room with you, she knows that she needs to do what's best for you, "I'll go and get her from outside." She mumbles, standing up from the sofa to go and find the blonde outside.

Right on queue as the front door opens, signalling that Katie is home now.

"And that'll be Katie comin' into the house now," Caitlin gestures to the sound of the front door opening. "Katie, we're in the living room!" She calls to get her girlfriends attention.

"We're? I didn't realise we had company," Katies' playful voice jokes as she walks through the house and is taken back by Lias' appearance in the living room. "Oh hi Lia, I didn't know you'd be popping round. Guess that makes sense why I've just seen Leah outside as well, I did think it was a bit weird." She states, still confused.

"Hi Katie," Lia begrudingly greets the Irish women, knowing that she needs to suck up her dislike for the pair of them to focus on you right now. "I'll go and get her to come inside so we can talk." She stands up and makes her way out of the living room.

Katie sends her girlfriend a confused look, "What have I missed?" She wonders, still trying to figure out what is exactly going on that requires her to sit in a room with her girlfriend, her ex and her own partner, or whatever they are.

"Theres' a lot that we need to talk about... All of us," Caitlin admits, exhaling a sigh. 

"Oh," Katie is further puzzled by what is going on. "So, is the kid here as well? I'll go say hi!" She questions, trying to put the pieces together and take a wild guess that you would be here as well.

The Aussie women nods in agreement, "Shes' in the kitchen with your sister I think, she stormed off when Lia and I had a slight disagreement," She confesses. "We need to sit down with her and talk about things."

"Oh. This sounds serious?" Katie asks, concerned but still in her playful jokey manner.

"It is," Caitlin mutters, exhaling a sigh as she pinches the bridge of her nose.

"Cait, what's going on?" Katie furrows her eyebrows in cocnern.

"That's exactly what I want to know," Leahs' voice enters the conversation, joining the couple in the living room as she walks in with Lia following her asking her to join them inside to talk. "What is going on, and why are we here?" She wonders.

"The four of us need to talk," Lia insists, gesturing the blonde to take a seat beside her on the spacious sofa.

"We need to be on the page when it comes to Y/N," Caitlin chimes in.

"Same page about what?" Katie asks, confused.

"Y/N is being bullied," Lia admits quietly, bowing her head slightly.

Leahs' the first to react, "What? Seriously?" She questions, shocked.

"Who is it? I'll fight them!" Katies' straight away shooting up on her feet, although shes' yet to figure out a plan of the next steps.

"For once, I'm with you on that one," Leah mumbles, standing up from the sofa.

"Sit down, the pair of you," Caitlin states, shaking her head. "Neither of you can go and fight a literal child!"

"The hell I can't!" Katie exclaims, throwing her hands up in the air. "Nobody picks on the kiddo and gets' away with it!" She declares, firmly.

"Whos' been bullying her? We... We have to something about it!" Leahs' protective instinct kicks in, wanting to shield you from any further hurt or suffering at all.

"We will, but fighting another child isn't what's best for Y/N," Lia tells the blonde, giving her a prompt look.

"Then what do we do?" Leah questions, worriedly.

"That's what we're trying to figure out," Caitlin chimes in.

Katie snorts and a slight smirk appears on her face, "I still think fighting them is a viable option." She jokes, half serious about the fact of it.

Leah frowns and bites her bottom lip, "Why didn't she tell anyone?" She asks, confused about it.

"Shes' been stuck between me and Caitlin arguing, so its' no wonder she kept it quiet," Lia admits, rubbing her temples before she exhales a sigh. "None of that is a good environment for Y/N to be around and it can't continue." She tells them all.

"So going forward, we put whatever problems or differences we have with eachother aside, for Y/N's sake-- She's what is important now, we can't bicker in front of her. We need to stand united if we want to help her!" Caitlin is remaining strong in what she says, she's not exactly on the best of terms with her ex but when it comes to her daughters' wellbeing, she doesn't play at all.

"That's fair enough," Katies' the first to agree.

Leah follows suit and nods in agreement, "I agree with you, Y/N is what matters." She states.

"All of us are an important person of Y/N's life, she needs us all to be there for her," Lia starts to explain as she looks around the room between the four of them. "Katie, you and Caitlin are together, you obviously make each other very happy and Y/N clearly loves to spend time with you all here." She tells the Irish women.

Katie faintly smiles, "I love the kid like shes' me own."

"And Leah, whatever you and Lia have going on," Caitlin pauses, glancing between her ex and the blonde. "Whether there's a label on it or not, your someone who Y/N looks up to, regardless." She tells her.

Leah smiles in agreement, "Shes' a good kid, I love her."

"That's why we need to get on with eachother, for Y/N's sake if nothing else, okay?" Lia stands her ex on her words, when it comes to her daughter, shes' willing to do what she has too, even if it means hanging out with her ex girlfriend and her new beau sometimes.

"Yeah," Katie and Leah both reply in sync.

"Right, and with that being said. Now we need to speak to kiddo," Caitlin says, motioning in the direction of where you are in the kitchen with Ella still. "I'll go and get her, I'll be back in a minute." Leaving the room, Lia is left with Katie and Leah, who are currently scowling at each other.

"I don't care what grudges the two of you have, we all need to remain civil with eachother for Y/N's sake, alright? We might not agree with somethings that are said, but whatever it is, we keep it away from Y/N, deal?" Lia firmly speaks, glancing between the two women.

"Deal," The blonde agrees.

"Yeah, yeah deal. Anything for the kiddo," Katie replies.

"Mum, I don't wanna talk about things-- Uh, what's going on?" Your protest is cut short, being forced out of the kitchen as you walk into the living room and your met with not just Lia, but Leah and Katie now as well.

"Here she is," Caitlin speaks aloud, walking back into the living room with you in tow.

"Hi kiddo," Katies' waving in your direction.

"Hi Katie," You politely smile and wave back at the Irish women before you furrow your eyebrows. "Uhhh, am I in trouble?" You ask, confused.

Leah can't help but laugh slightly, "What makes you think that, kid?" She questions.

"The four of you are in one room together, and that never happens," You comment, glancing round between all 4 older women. "Like ever." You mumble.

"Well shes' got a point there," Katie snickers in amusement.

"You're not in trouble, sweetheart. Why don't you come and sit down?" Lia offers, patting the empty space on the sofa between her and Leah.

Your hesistant to walk over and plonk yourself in between the two of them, "Are you sure I'm not in trouble?" You ask, worriedly.

Caitlin chuckles and shakes her head, "You're not in trouble, kiddo. We just want to talk to you about things." She explains.

"Oh. Talk about what?" You cock your head to the side in confusion.

"Listen sweetheart, you were right about what you said about your mum and I fighting all the time and we're not gonna do it anymore," Lia begins to tell you, making you listen intently.

"You mean you guys are gonna take my advice and go to therapy to sort out your issues?" You perk up, glancing between Lia and Caitlin.

"What?" Leah asks, confused.

"I love this kid," Katie laughs in amusement.

"We're not going to go to therapy, kiddo--" Caitlin starts to tell you.

"Why? Cos' you all definitely need it!" You further insist, throwing your hands up in the air.

"Y/N, we want to talk to you about the bullying instead," Lia takes the conversation in a serious direction. "We need to talk about it." She adds.

"Oh," You instantly clam up and go quiet, trying to stay reserved when talking about this subject.

"How longs' it been going on for?" Leah gently approaches the situation.

"A few months," You admit, biting you bottom lip. "It wasn't that bad at first, but gradually, it got worse, like more physical and that." You tell all of them in the room.

"I still think fighting them would be a better to resolve things," Katie pipes in.

"Katie, no..." Caitlin shakes her head in her girlfriends' direction.

You start to pick at the skin around your nails again, "I didn't want to tell anyone and be a bother, and well things haven't exactly been easy, I... I didn't know what to do." You admit, quietly.

Lias' heart clenches hearing your honest words, "We're going to sort this out, sweetheart." She states, firmly.

"Your mama and I are going to go down to the school, we'll get to the bottom of things and figure out what we can do," Caitlin adds in, making it well known to you that she's serious about this. "You're not a bother kiddo. You can always talk to us, no matter what's going on."

"This is the reason you've been acting out, isn't it?" Lia speaks up in realisation.

"I guess so, uh... I thought maybe if I acted out then I would get both of your attention and then you'd be in the same room together," You confess, biting your bottom lip as you try and not look in the direction of either Lia or Caitlin. "But all you seem to have done recently is fight with another so that backfired I guess." You mumble, ducking your head down in shame.

"Well that stops now. Right, Caitlin?" Lia turns to look at Caitlin.

Caitlin nods in agreement, "Agreed, we're your mums' and we're going to be here for you to figure this out together."

"I wish you could have told us sooner, kiddo," Katie speaks up as she frowns.

"I didn't know what to say," You mumble quietly.

"We love you Y/N and we don't want to see you struggle with anything," Leah chimes in, having the same thoughts that she just wants to protect the kid that's not even hers.

It's ony now that you suddenly realise how cold and distant you've been acting towards Leah for no apparent reason when all she wants to do is be there for you, "I'm sorry for the way I have been acting towards you Le," Your quick to apologise to her. "Your still my favourite stern blondie."

"I feel like that's a backhanded compliment there kid," Leah jokes with you, ruffling your hair as she has the advantage while sitting beside you.

"Be glad you got one, Le," You can't help but grin.

Something which all 4 women are happy to see you starting to return to your old-self, despite the challenges you've faced over the last few months.

"We love you, Y/N," Caitlin states, gently.

Lia wraps her free arm around her daughter, "Your our daughter, we just want to help you the best way that we can." She tells you, kindly.

"We want our happy little kid back, so we're gonna sort it out, alright?" Leah declares, firmly.

"And we'll hurt anyone who tries to hurt you," Katie finishes with a determined look on her face.

"No we won't Katie, we're responsible adults. We're not going to hurt other kids!" Caitlin promptly continues to tell her girlfreind.

"Speak for yourself, they don't call me McCard for no reason, you know?" Katie jokes with her girlfriend before she looks you dead in the eye. "Anyone hurts you kiddo and there'll be hell to pay."

© scribblesofagoonerr

#acting out fic #lia walti x reader #caitlin foord x reader #woso x reader #leah williamson x reader #katie mccabe x reader #woso fanfics #woso one shot #scribblesofagoonerr #woso imagine

[wonryllis]

after hours, i can be whatever you want me to be ⭑ ( lhs. )

⭑ FEATURING horrendously down down bad lee heeseung x kinda naive philophobic fem!reader. where heeseung has no intentions of escaping your cages, forever remaining under the spell of your love. ( ARCHIVE? )

⭑ GENRE & WARNINGS fluff, toxic situation, almost kissing, mildly suggestive WORDCOUNT 0.834k

she's crazy but i love her.

heeseung's steps are slow and calculated, eyes glued on your figure trying to make your way to his car. stumbling and wobbly in heels you (kind of) seem accustomed to, feet clicking against the pavement in a hasty stride. he's worried. you were out with friends past midnight on a weekday, called him all drunk to pick you up from the bar and now you are barely able to walk straight, ankle on the verge of twisting at any given moment but you wouldn't let him hold you. he's worried sick.

"angel please just hold onto me hm?" he pleads rushing over when you visibly slip on an uneven part, hands almost gripping around your waist as you manage to keep your balance, staggering back into his arms in a couple of steps.

"you! who are you!" your hands push against his chest as you turn around startled. there it goes, again! heeseung sighs knowing what's to come. it's the third time in the last fifteen minutes, going over this exact conversation word to word.

"it's heeseung, your cousin's friend and your friend," he makes sure to emphasize on 'your friend' trying to stop this before it gets further into the loop.

"where's my cousin?" you ask, looking around the rather empty parking lot.

"he working," heeseung's explanation is dry because he knows you'll cut him off before he can say anything more,"and why are you here?" just like that. he remembers the first time this happened, when you were actually sober and met him at your cousin brother: jay's workplace. you showed up out of nowhere, without any notice and jay was going bonkers at how he'll get you back home when he has the most important client waiting for him in the next room. heeseung hadn't thought much when he offered to drop you off, a favor for a friend that was all it was to him.

"because you called me, angel," but god was he wrong, for he swears the moment he laid his eyes on you he was a goner. you were too darn pretty to be just a favor. you were younger, a party girl always running out to frat and sorority gatherings, bars and clubs. often calling jay to pick you up to avoid letting your parents know of your shenanigans.

"why did i call you and not my cousin?" everytime he had wished it was him and not jay, even though ultimately he was the one who went. carrying your cute drunk ass to your mansion and getting you to your room as discreetly as possible. you are a rich girl, two worlds apart and heeseung has felt it in many ways than not.

"because i'm your cousin's friend and you know me well," heeseung never thought he'd ever be more than just your cousin's friend to you. at least he hopes he is more. you have done things with him that you'd definitely not do with just your cousin's friend. a space curtaining acquaintance and lover, he hangs dangerously cold and heedless.

"so where's my cousin?" between days left ghosted and nights you throw your arms around him he stands unsure of his place in your life. at times he feels you know he's the one who could treat you better than any of the guys you cry for. yet there are moments when there's this sturdy wall you build, holding him away for the sake of not losing him like others. afraid of love is what you refuse you are but heeseung knows your conceptions of it are a little too twisted, broken he dare say. and his love for you is so far and conflicted to the things you have experienced, he understands the lengths and the time it will take for you to recognize and accept him.

"you know what, i'm getting you in the car myself," in an instance his hands grip at the back of knees and the curve of your waist, hauling you up in his arms. he walks quick to his car parked at the far end, smiling through the constant pouty mumbles of yours. eyeing you every two seconds, not being able to resist that pretty face of yours.

it is absolutely not in him to ever resist that pretty face of yours, your pretty eyes and your pretty lips as they graze against his own in gentle brushes. arms looped around his neck and thighs resting on the soft matress of your bed, albeit on each side of his own, yet again. sitting on his lap, so close, bodies pressed. "heeseungie, please stay," your voice a sultry whisper of a whine, a naive vixen, if that's even a thing.

lee heeseung knows he will never have the power to refuse you, he will be whatever you want him to be for how ever long you will want him to be.

you make him crazy and he loves you for that.

taglist ( open. ) @kangseulgithegreat @s00buwu @lilyuwon @pockyyasii @nctislifue @ashtxrie @miniature-tragedy @jayujus @brachives @thoughtsmeander2tumblingblindly @eeunoia @nxzz-skz @shawnyle @potato0579 @enhastolemyheart @ro-diaries @aaa-sia @okwonyo @enhabooks @jjunae @criminalyun @enhacrumbsss @oddracha @seochangbinnnnnnnnnnn @mxxnintheskyreblogs

#enhypen imagines #BROTHER's BSF trope In A NEW wAY #enhypen drabbles #enhypen fluff #enhypen scenarios #enhypen heeseung imagines #heeseung imagines #enhypen soft hours #enhypen soft thoughts #enhypen reactions #enhypen headcanons #enhypen hard hours

[rosetterer]

such a perfect day (sequel to mornings are sweeter with you)

Summary: ”Hey,” Tommy tells him, ”Looks like you already ordered.” "I did," Buck says, smiling right back at him and rubbing his palms against the fabric of his pants once more. "I hope I got your order correct." Tommy sits down, still smiling brightly, and takes the cup in his hands, "Looks about right. I did order a cup with a rainbow on it. I even specified that I wanted it drawn on by a very, very cute man who looks fantastic in that blue shirt."

Read on AO3: such a perfect day - rosetterer - 9-1-1 (TV) [Archive of Our Own]

Or continue reading here:

By the time Buck gets to work, his coffee is cold and he's forty minutes late. He can't exactly blame it all on traffic though. He's been sitting in his car for the past ten minutes, staring at the cup with Tommy's number on it.

He can’t bring himself to pick it up. He also doesn’t want to leave it in the car. He doesn’t know exactly what he’s worried about. That this morning’s little meeting with the hottest man he’s ever seen launched some kind of sexual awakening in him and now if he touches that cup it’ll all be real and not just some odd dream he’s having? That if he walks in there with his cup with a man’s phone number on it, they’ll all know?

”This is ridiculous,” he mumbles to himself and takes the to-go cup in his hand, and what a surprise, it doesn’t cause a rainbow to appear around him or Westboro Baptist Church members to surround him with signs that say: God Hates Fa-

He finally gets out of the car when it gets difficult to breathe. He takes in deep breaths, thinks about cute puppies and yes, maybe the cute wrinkles in the outer corners of Tommy’s eyes, to calm his mind again, and walks in as if nothing has changed.

Because nothing has changed… Right?

He sees the disapproving frown on Bobby's face when he steps in and beelines toward his locker but it doesn't really register. He sees that Chimney is too busy eating to even notice him, that Eddie is looking at him with a look that screams confusion and a hint of worry while Hen just seems outright worried.

He places the cup in his locker, staring at Tommy's number for a moment before turning the cup around so that it isn't visible to anyone who might walk past him. He changes his clothes fast, goes over to Bobby, and mumbles a genuine apology, which is met with a confused 'it's okay', which means that he's worried now too.

”You know, if you were going to be late because you just had to stop at Starbucks, you might as well have brought us coffee too,” Chimney, who apparently did notice him coming in and carrying a coffee cup, chimes in.

Buck tries to plaster on a smile, ”Y- Yeah, I should’ve. What’s for breakfast?”

Chimney eyes him up and down, ”Breakfast burritos. Bobby brought them in.”

”Great,” Buck mumbles simply and grabs one from the stack.

It’s only when Hen places a hand on his shoulder that he realizes about ten minutes later, that he’s done nothing to unwrap the burrito, let alone eat it. Chimney’s no longer next to him and Buck finds him standing with the rest of the team, who are now looking away from him as if they weren’t just staring at him.

”Buck, are you okay?” Hen asks, her voice low and her hand rubbing his shoulder. ”Did something happen on your way to work?”

Once again, Buck imagines an imaginary rainbow and some glitter for the dramatic effect circling his head as Hen looks at him, his mind screaming: she knows, she knows, she knows.

”N- Nothing,” he ends up mumbling out.

”Are you sure?” She asks, now sitting down next to him. ”Because it’s… Not like you to be this late.”

"I had to stop at Starbucks," he replies and thinks about the nightmares he had the previous night. He immediately decides to use them as an excuse. "I just… I haven't really slept well since the whole… lightning situation. I'll just take a nap when I can. I promise you that I'm fine."

Hen nods, seemingly accepting his little lie.

”You could talk to Bobby, you know that he would have no issue giving you a day off,” she continues, her hand now leaving his shoulder.

”It’s all good, I promise,” Buck tells her and tries to put on a smile that looks more authentic.

She obviously doesn’t buy it but leaves him alone, joining the rest of the team and whispering some kind of simple explanation to them.

Buck unwraps the burrito, which genuinely smells heavenly and his stomach rumbles at it, and just when he’s about to take a bite, the alarms go off.

---

The fire is spreading up the mountain and because they are firefighters, they are climbing up it as well. There are at least twenty hikers stuck at the top but Buck isn’t anywhere near them, so even though his mind is screaming at him to go and help, he has to try and remember that that isn’t his job right now.

They are digging a fireline on the other side of the mountain where the fire hasn’t spread yet and if they manage to do their job fast and well enough, it hopefully won’t spread from that point on. They are nearing the top of the lower slope of the mountain.

”Where do we go from here?!” Hen calls out, basically screaming because everything that is going on around them is filling the area with noise pollution.

Buck glances around and makes a quick decision, ”We have to go down the other side!”

”But the fire’s so much closer back there!” Hen replied, walking faster to make her way over to him.

”We have to, there are houses down there,” Buck tells her, nodding behind them. He leans forward, letting himself catch his breath for a couple of seconds, ”We have to keep going.”

”Damn Bobby for letting you take the lead,” Hen says, shaking her head but smiling, ”Yeah, let’s keep going.”

”I’m gonna go ahead! Hen, you come with me,” Buck says to her and then speaks into the radio, ”Hen and I are going ahead. We’re going to continue down the other side. Chim, Eddie, you keep digging from where we stopped.”

After getting a reply, they continue climbing the mountain even though Buck’s legs are screaming at him to stop. When they make it and Buck draws a quick line to where they are going to start digging, yet another loud sound takes over the top of the mountain.

He looks up at the sky, which now has a faint orange sheen to it, and notices two helicopters hovering around the mountain, one much lower than the other.

”They’re getting the people,” Hen tells him, sounding hopeful.

Buck only nods and keeps his eyes on the helicopters as he begins to dig. The helicopter that is near the ground takes its sweet time and eventually lands on it surprisingly smoothly. The other helicopter moves further away and just as Buck begins to wonder why it’s doing that, two people step out of the helicopter on the ground. One, who has a very, very familiar face.

”Shit,” he finds himself mumbling and hurries down the slope again, flopping down on his stomach.

Hen immediately rushes to him, ”Buck, you okay?”

”I’m fine,” he mumbles. ”Just… Just… Maybe we should’ve started digging down the slope first.”

Hen looks puzzled, ”What do you mean?

He has no freaking idea what he means. At this point he’s just throwing out words, hoping that something makes him sound like he knows what he’s doing. Which he does, but… Why does the universe hate him? Why did it have to make the guy, who awakened something within him that he didn't know was there, be some kind of a badass firefighter pilot? And why does he have to be here right now?

”Buck, get up,” Hen hisses at him then. ”What the hell is wrong with you?”

Instead of replying to her, Buck leans his head down before speaking into the radio, ”Eddie, switch places with me.”

Eddie is furthest down the mountain and he’s not one to really ask questions in a situation like this. He’s his only hope right now.

”Copy that. Coming up, Buckley,” comes a reply.

”I’m going down,” Buck announces to Hen as he gets up, making sure to stand so that if Tommy turns around to face them, he will only see his back.

”We’re talking about this later,” Hen tells him and continues to dig.

Great. Buck can’t wait.

It takes a good amount of time for Eddie to climb up but when he finally gets to them, he pats Buck on the shoulder, almost as if he’s asking if he’s okay and Buck replies with a simple nod before making his way down the mountain.

”Getting hot up there?” Chimney asks when Buck passes him.

"You have no idea," he grumbles.

---

By the time the fire is contained, they are exhausted. They all shower and change into clean clothes when they get back to the station and Buck takes a few extra minutes in the shower, letting the cool water soak his body. He scrubs all the dirt and smoke off of his skin and wishes that he could do the same thing to his brain.

He’s used to having thoughts constantly rolling around his mind like a storm that can’t be stopped but now all of his thoughts have to do with that man. That beautiful, muscular man with the cutest smile, who also happens to be a firefighter, who can fly helicopters… All that makes something inside of him spark in the same way that it did when he was a teenager and he kissed a girl for the first time. And that freaks him out just a little.

Just a little.

When he finally steps out of the shower and is dressed again, everyone else is already sitting around the table, eating, except him and Hen. She's standing far off to the side, far enough away from the others to make sure that they can't hear them and Buck decides to be a grown-up. He straightens his posture and makes his way over to Hen, who seems to have some kind of speech ready to go but Buck doesn't give her a chance to speak.

”Listen, I’m an ally,” he begins, keeping his voice hushed but sure-sounding. ”And sure, I’ve checked out hot guys’ asses before but… I’ve never felt like this.”

Hen blinks at him, slowly, as if her brain is struggling with the information it has been given. Buck doesn’t blame it. Doesn’t blame her.

”And what is… this exactly?” She asks.

Buck lets out a loud sigh, "A man asked me out today, and I… I kind of can't stop thinking about him."

A soft smile spreads on Hen’s face as she places a hand on his shoulder in a very similar way she did before. She gives it a little squeeze and leans closer.

”You’re coming over tonight. The kids are going to Maddie and Chim’s.”

---

By 1 A.M, they are drunk. And by them, Buck means him and Hen. Karen, who only had one drink with them (boo!) is making them grilled cheese because they asked for it (yay!). Buck focuses on pouring out two more shots as Hen keeps on rambling next to him.

”You have to call him. I’m telling this to you as a lesbian: What’s there not to like?” She says. ”According to you, he’s very handsome, muscular, tall, has pretty eyes and a smile-”

”And nice hands,” Karen adds.

"And nice hands. Thanks, babe," Hen says with a big grin. "And you said he's kind, funny, and very, very charming and- and-"

”And he’s a firefighter,” Buck mumbles and downs yet another shot. ”A pilot firefighter.”

”So he’s also very smart,” Hen says. ”What’s the problem here?”

"I didn't know I'm gay," he tells them for what seems like the hundredth time that night.

”You’re not gay!” Hen and Karen say at the same time.

"How do you know?" Buck whines and slams his forehead against the table a little harder than he meant to and whines even more. "Ow."

”Buck, Buckaroo,” Hen tells him, taking his face in her hands, ”Sweetie, do you think women are hot?”

Buck looks her deeply in the eyes and nods. Karen lets out a very agreeing, celebratory woop at his answer.

”If a hot, nice girl came up to you and asked you to go on a date with her, would you go?”

”Yeah,” he says immediately.

”Would you be able to fall in love with her? Marry her?” She asks.

”Getting kind of serious real fast,” he mumbles.

”Answer the question,” she says, pinching the skin at his jawline.

”Yeah, yeah, I could,” Buck tells her and shoves her away.

”Could you do all that with a guy?” Karen asks, turning to face them.

Buck sighs, ”I- I didn’t… I didn’t think I could.”

”But could you?” Hen asks.

”… I mean, yeah,” he says then and finds it to be true. He groans, ”God, I always thought I was just a really good ally.”

Hen laughs, downing her own shot, "Baby, I had a feeling there was something there. No straight guy posts a rainbow flag on Instagram every Pride Month. Or knows what Bears and Otters are. Outside of the animal kingdom anyway."

”God, I am so stupid,” he mumbles.

"Listen," Karen says as she makes her way over to the table and places plates in front of them. The grilled cheese looks like the most delicious thing Buck has ever seen in his life but that might just be the alcohol talking. "You are not stupid. This world isn't made for people like us. That can make it really difficult to understand who you are, especially if you are also attracted to the sex that everyone will assume you are going to be attracted to from the moment you are born. You're okay, Buck."

Buck lets out a shuddering breath and blames the tears burning in his eyes on the alcohol, "I always knew that there was something… Something missing."

”It feels great, doesn’t it?” Karen says, walking over and wrapping her arms around him. ”When it all just clicks into place.”

Buck nods, leaning into her for the comfort he desperately needs.

”I’m bisexual,” he whispers, mostly to himself.

Hen shrieks in excitement and pours them their last shots of the night. She gets up, almost falling over in the process, and comes to wrap her arm around them as well. She places a kiss on the top of Buck's head before handing him the shot.

”Welcome to the club, baby!”

A wide grin makes its way to his lips and there’s no fighting it. It feels like somebody has lifted all the weight from his shoulders.

”And Chim owes me twenty bucks,” Hen mumbles into his hair as she cuddles closer.

Buck turns around, wide-eyed, ”What?”

”Nothing, baby,” Hen whispers and begins to stroke his hair. ”Just enjoy this moment.”

Buck downs his shot, letting the liquid burn as it goes down his throat, and lets himself be held as he thinks about the to-go cup, waiting for him in his locker for the day that he goes back to work.

---

It's two days later and everyone knows. They are chanting 'Call him' as they surround Buck, who is sitting on the couch with his phone in his hand and the to-go cup in front of him on the coffee table. Part of him wishes that the alarm would go off.

But a way bigger part of him just wants to hear Tommy’s voice again.

”I’m not doing it if you’re all staring at me,” Buck tells them and it’s Hen who eventually manages to force them all into the kitchen to wait.

She gives his shoulder one last squeeze before joining the others.

He’s typed the number on his phone already and checked it at least five times to make sure that it’s correct. He counts to three in his mind and presses the green button on his screen. Then, with a loud gulp, he brings the phone to his ear.

The time he has to wait for Tommy to pick up seems like a very painful eternity but when his low voice says 'Tommy' on the other end of the line, it feels like time has never existed at all.

”It’s- It’s Evan,” he says, remembering that that is the only name he knows him by. ”From the… Starbucks?”

”Oh, Evan,” Tommy’s voice immediately turns brighter. ”I was worried you wouldn’t call.”

Buck chuckles, the tension in his chest easing up slightly, ”Sorry, I… I had quite a day at work the day that we met and well-”

”It’s okay, you don’t have to explain yourself to me,” Tommy tells him with a soft chuckle. ”I’m just really glad you called, Evan.”

The way he says his name feels just as good as it did the first time. It sends shivers down his spine in the most wonderful way and Buck has to fight back a visible shudder.

”So…” Tommy continues. ”How are you?”

”At work right now, actually,” Buck says, very quickly realizing that that doesn’t answer the question. ”A little tired but doing good. You?”

”I have a few days off,” Tommy replies. ”So I’m doing quite good. I’ve been watching movies all day.”

”What kind of movies?” Buck finds himself asking, going completely off the script he’d prepared for himself in his mind.

”Now don’t laugh at me, Evan,” Tommy says, chuckling himself.

”Promise I won’t.”

”Love Actually is kind of my favorite and I’ve had it on repeat for a while,” Tommy confesses.

”Oh,” Buck mumbles, finding his cheeks a little warm when he thinks about how freaking cute the man he’s talking to is. ”I’ve never seen it.”

”Well, we definitely have to fix that,” Tommy tells him, sounding both amused and serious. ”Speaking of future dates, I’m still interested in your offer for a coffee at that place you like. Are you free this Saturday?”

Buck gulps. Future dates.

”Y- Yeah, I- I am free,” Buck manages to stutter out and glances over at the others, only to find Hen giving him a thumbs up. ”I’m free.”

”Great,” Tommy says and Buck can hear the smile in his voice. ”What time does the place open?”

”I think around eight,” he replies. ”In the morning.”

”Would be surprised if it was in the evening,” Tommy chuckles and Buck is pretty sure he can hear him writing something down. ”What time works for you?”

”Uh,” Buck thinks about it for a moment. He’s going to want to sleep in on Saturday and then he’ll have to think of what to wear. Oh God, what does one wear to a date with a man? Do they find the same things attractive as women do? Do they-

”Evan?”

”S- Sorry, I just,” Buck chuckles a little. ”I’m a little nervous.”

Tommy hums on the other end of the line, ”That’s adorable, Evan. How about around 1 P.M?”

”That- That works,” Buck tells him, a smile making its way onto his lips. ”I can’t wait to see you again.”

”I can’t wait to see you again either,” Tommy says right back. ”Remember that I was promised a rainbow on my cup. I’ll be very disappointed if I don’t get one.”

”I think I can make that happen,” Buck says, leaning against the back of the couch now. He really doesn’t want the phone call to end but can feel it in his bones that they are nearing that point in the conversation, ”I will try my best anyway. I’m not exactly an artist.”

”That’s more than enough for me,” Tommy says. Buck bets he’s grinning now. Or at least he likes to imagine that he is. ”I’ve got a thing I have to get to but… It was nice to hear your voice again. Is it okay if I save your number? Maybe even text you later?”

”That’s… Perfect,” Buck replies and feels blood rushing to his cheeks again. ”I mean, I’d really- really like that.”

”Great,” Tommy tells him, laughing once more. ”I’ll see you Saturday, Evan. Don’t forget the rainbow.”

”Saturday,” Buck whispers. ”I won’t forget.”

”Lovely,” Tommy says. ”Okay. Bye, Evan.”

”Bye.”

The moment he sets his phone down on the couch next to him, the team rushes over to him, even Bobby, who is lazily walking behind them as if he doesn’t care but definitely cares just as much as the others.

”Well?” Hen asks.

”I’ve got a date on Saturday,” Buck tells them, smiling and it’s Bobby who comes up behind him and places his hands on his shoulders.

”Good job, kid. Now get back in the kitchen,” he says, smiling down at him proudly, ”I need some help with the soup.”

And Buck goes, and he feels light.

---

Two hours before the date, he facetimes Maddie.

”What do men like?” He asks.

”Hello to you too,” Maddie tells him, sitting on the couch with a sleeping Jee in her lap. ”I’m guessing you’re going on that date today?”

”Yeah. I thought Chimney told you that,” Buck mumbles, throwing more shirts onto his bed. ”Like he told you everything else.”

”He’s still very sorry about that,” Maddie tells him. ”You know how he is with secrets.”

”I know, I know,” Buck mumbles and points the camera to the pile of shirts. ”Whatever. Just help me.”

”I think you should wear something blue. Brings out your eyes,” Maddie says, squinting at all the clothes. ”What pants are you wearing?”

"Those high-waisted ones you like," he tells her.

”Ooh, good choice,” she praises him. ”Get rid of every other color but blue.”

”Gotcha.”

He sets his phone down for a moment and pushes aside all the shirts that aren’t some shade of blue, as well as the dark blue ones because he already knows that Maddie is going to tell him to get rid of them as well.

”Okay, here we go,” he says.

”Get that hoodie out of there,” she says.

He throws it off to the side, agreeing that it’s not exactly date attire.

”Where are you guys going anyway?” She asks.

”There’s this coffee place I really like,” he explains. ”I promised I’d take him there. It’s a pretty… relaxed place.”

"Hmm," she hums as she eyes the pile of clothes again. "Let's get rid of all the long-sleeved ones because it's really warm outside and we don't want you sweating. I know you're going to sweat for other reas-"

”Maddie!”

”I meant because you’re so nervous to be on a date with the hot pilot,” she teases. ”Now do as I said.”

For the next ten minutes, they keep cutting down on the shirts that he owns. Eventually, they are left with two shirts. One, a very clean and very expensive T-shirt that probably shouldn't have been as expensive as it was and the other, a simple, striped polo shirt.

”Which one would you feel more comfortable in?”

”I have been wearing a lot of polos these days,” Buck tells her. ”And it does look a little more like I’ve actually put some thought into my outfit.”

”So go with the polo.”

Buck strips off the shirt he has on right now and throws it off to the side. He puts on the polo and looks at himself in the small rectangle in the corner of his phone screen.

”What do you think?” He asks.

”Looks great,” she tells him. ”Are you in a rush?”

Buck shrugs, ”I’ve still got some time.”

”Good. Sit down.”

Buck does, already hating himself for making his bedroom such a mess.

”Now,” she continues. ”Tell me more about the hot pilot.”

Buck laughs, the comfortable warmth in his chest spreading.

”Well,” he starts. ”He’s got the greatest smile-”

---

His heart is already pounding by the time he makes his way to the counter. The person standing on the other side of it looks a lot less stressed than the baristas at Starbucks had been and that alone makes Buck feel more at ease.

”Hello. What can I get you?” The woman asks, smiling at him politely.

He rambles out his own order first and includes two chocolate cupcakes in it because they just look too good on the shelf they are presented on.

”Okay. Anything else?”

”A flat white with two sugars,” he says, remembering Tommy’s order. ”Large, please.”

"Gotcha," she says. "Would you like them to go?"

”No, thank you, my- my date will be here soon,” Buck says, a smile appearing on his lips the moment the word ’date’ leaves his mouth.

”Wonderful,” she says and names the price.

Buck pays with his card and taps on the counter a couple of times, trying to ease his nerves.

”I’ll bring them over to you when they’re ready,” she says, still smiling but looking at Buck just slightly concerned.

”Thank you,” Buck replies and spots the cups she has taken from the shelf behind her. ”Uh, one more thing.”

”Yes?”

”Could I get one of the drinks in a to-go cup?” He asks.

”I thought you said that you’d be having the coffee and cupcakes here?” She asks, now sounding confused.

”I- I did but it’s…” He doesn’t know how to explain it, so he decides not to. ”It’s a really long story and I doubt you care, so… Please?”

"Alright," she says, putting back one of the cups and grabbing a to-go cup instead. She shows it to Buck for approval and Buck nods, blushing a little from embarrassment. "Anything else?"

Buck notices a small table and chairs in the corner of the coffee shop that he swears weren’t there the last time he came here. Right next to the small table is a box with printed coloring pictures in it.

The barista follows his gaze.

”Do you have crayons or something?” He asks.

Her eyes brighten a little bit, ”We do. Do you have a kid with you?”

”No, no,” Buck replies.

The look on her face grows concerned.

”I just…” Buck lets out a small sigh. ”It’s a really, really long story.”

”… Okay,” she replies and begins to prepare the coffee.

Buck goes to sit in front of one of the big windows, showing the street outside in all its glory. He taps the table and tries to think of relaxing things until the barista comes back to him with two coffees, one in a to-go cup, two cupcakes, and a small box of crayons.

Buck’s not sure if he can ever come here again, ”Thank you.”

”No problem.”

And she leaves.

He has to google the order of the colors of a rainbow, which makes his brain remind him that he's a bad ally, while he has to remind his brain that he's more than an ally now. Then, he picks up each color crayon one at a time and draws a rainbow on the to-go cup, just as he promised he would.

But it looks a little boring and he’s bored, so he adds some hearts and sparkles until the whole cup is covered in his little sketches.

Not exactly keen to go back to the barista to return the crayons, he gets up and places them on the small kids’ table before making his way back to his table.

He rubs his palms against his thighs when he feels them getting a little sweaty. He just happens to look in the direction of the door when Tommy walks in. He’s wearing something a little similar to what he wore when they first met: a simple pair of jeans and a black shirt, and he has no right to look so good.

When Tommy spots him, he smiles so big that his nose crinkles and Buck is pretty sure that his heart skips a beat at the sight. He thinks about getting up when Tommy walks closer but eventually decides against it, mostly because it would be weird now. Too many seconds passed.

”Hey,” Tommy tells him, ”Looks like you already ordered.”

"I did," Buck says, smiling right back at him and rubbing his palms against the fabric of his pants once more. "I hope I got your order correct."

Tommy sits down, still smiling brightly, and takes the cup in his hands, "Looks about right. I did order a cup with a rainbow on it. I even specified that I wanted it drawn on by a very, very cute man who looks fantastic in that blue shirt."

His breath catches in his throat and he can’t help but look down in his lap to get himself under control.

”You,” Buck starts after clearing his throat. ”Look really good too.”

"Thank you," Tommy says, glancing down at the shirt he's wearing and only then Buck notices that one of the buttons right at the top is undone and showing just a slice of his chest. How did he not notice it until now?

He couldn’t look away.

”You really seem to like it,” Tommy tells him, making Buck look him in the eye.

”Sorry,” Buck mumbles immediately, feeling like an absolute idiot. ”I didn’t mean-”

”It’s good that you’re enjoying yourself,” Tommy interrupts him, smiling still. ”I appreciate it, Evan.”

Buck smiles a shaky smile at him and glances over at the cupcakes, ”Uh, I- I got us some chocolate cupcakes. They looked really good and I couldn’t help myself. I hope you like chocolate.”

"Who doesn't?" Tommy asks and brings one of the cupcakes closer to him. "I used to bake a lot when I was younger. When I had the time. Cupcakes were actually my favorite thing to make. I was kind of renowned for them."

”Really?” Buck asks, raising an eyebrow at him.

”Yeah,” Tommy chuckles. ”I know, I don’t exactly look like a guy who bakes for fun. I wish I had more time for it though.”

Buck knows exactly why he's busy. Being a firefighter means everything to him and he wouldn't have it any other way but sometimes the lack of free time does get to him. They obviously have days off but at least one of them is always spent sleeping or otherwise getting back the energy you lose during a 24-hour shift.

”Evan? Everything okay?” Tommy asks then, his voice softening in a way that does something to Buck’s heart.

”Sorry, I… I’m a little tired,” he explains. ”There’s uh… Something you should probably know.”

Tommy looks concerned and curious now and he tilts his head a little as he waits for Buck to continue.

”I know that you’re a firefighter. A pilot. Both,” he rambles. ”I was on that wildfire call too and I saw you land the helicopter and I’m sorry, I’m trying not to be weird or anything, I just thought that you should know before-”

”Evan,” Tommy’s voice interrupts him and his hand comes to rest on top of Buck’s.

His whole body freezes into place.

”Oh, I’m sorry-”

”No, no,” Buck says when Tommy begins to move his hand away. ”I- I don’t mind.”

Tommy’s hand settles back on top of his, heavy and warm.

”You’re a firefighter?” Tommy asks then.

”Yeah,” Buck replies and lets out a small chuckle. ”Turns out we uh… Have more in common than we thought. Not that we really know each other at all or anything, I just-”

Tommy shoots him an amused look.

”Well, you’re certainly learning something about me right now,” Buck tells him with an awkward laugh and takes a sip of his coffee. ”I talk a lot. Good luck.”

”I’d love to learn everything about you,” Tommy says.

Buck has to take a moment to just breathe. There’s a part of him that feels like he’s known Tommy forever. Despite his awkwardness and rambling, it feels so easy to open up to him. Then there’s another, very big part of him, that is telling him to quiet down. To not show the way that he really is because it will make Tommy run away.

”Are you sure?” The question slips out of his mouth before he can think through it.

Tommy chuckles a little, ”Evan… I wouldn’t have given you my number if I didn’t want to get to know you. Are you still feeling nervous?”

Buck gives him a small nod.

”That’s okay. I get it,” Tommy says with a nod. He takes his hand away from Buck’s, immediately leaving him feeling a little cold, ”Here. Why don’t you have some of the cupcake? Chocolate makes everything better.”

He takes the liner of the cupcake off for him before placing it in front of Buck.

Buck takes a small bite of it and lets the chocolate melt in his mouth. It certainly makes his brain very happy and he ends up grinning up at Tommy to show him that he's okay.

When Tommy reaches out to him and wipes some chocolate off of the corner of his mouth with his thumb, he can’t help but smile even brighter.

”Thanks,” he mumbles. ”I am uh… A little nervous because I’m not… Well, I am bisexual.”

Smooth, Buckley. Smooth.

Tommy smiles that mischievous, boyish smile again as he leans forward, ”And do bisexuals often feel nervous because of their sexuality?”

Buck lets out a breathy laugh, ”I wouldn’t know. I just… Came out.”

Tommy raises his eyebrows at him, ”Really?”

”Yeah.” Buck smiles. ”It took me a moment to figure myself out after I met you and-”

”Wait,” Tommy stops him. ”You weren’t out of the closet when I met you?”

Buck can’t help but chuckle, ”I didn’t even know I was in a closet.”

Tommy looks a little bewildered at his answer and for a moment, Buck thinks that he’s finally managed to screw it up. He did last, what? Ten, maybe fifteen minutes before doing that. It’s a world record!

”Now it makes sense why you’re so nervous,” Tommy says then and places his hand back on top of Buck’s. ”Evan, you could’ve told me this earlier and we could’ve picked a place that’s not so… public or-”

”No!” Buck says, a little too loud and the barista from before shoots him a look. ”I mean… I really wanted to bring you here. That’s what I promised you.”

Tommy nods, "… You are aware that you were full-on flirting with me at the Starbucks?"

”I- I am now,” Buck mumbles.

”Have you done that with a lot of guys without realizing or…?” Tommy asks, and then quickly adds, ”You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

”It’s okay,” Buck says. ”Um, I don’t think I have? Well…”

”Well?” Tommy asks.

”There was this one time I asked another firefighter to hang out if he was ever in LA and he told me that he already had a boyfriend so… Maybe I was flirting a little? Without knowing?” Buck says and can’t help but laugh at himself.

He really should give TK a call.

Tommy laughs as well and it sounds kind, ”Well, lucky for me, you didn’t end up on a date with him.”

Buck breathes out, ”Yeah… Lucky.”

Tommy's hand stays on top of his as they move from subject to subject over the hour that they sit there. They talk and listen, taking turns like it's the most natural thing to do in the world, and sometimes when Buck rambles, he sees the way that Tommy looks at him, not a hint of annoyance in his eyes.

Nothing but blue softness.

He thanks the barista when they leave and feels the way Tommy’s hand touches his waist when they step out of the coffee house.

”You don’t have to keep that,” Buck tells him then, nodding toward the cup still in Tommy’s hand.

”What am I gonna do, throw it away? This is art, Evan,” Tommy tells him, glancing down at his watch.

Buck’s eyes linger on it as well, ”D- Do you have somewhere to be?”

Tommy looks up at him, ”What? Oh, no, I was just checking. Why? Did you have something in mind?”

"Well, I was wondering if…" Buck starts. "I had to park my car in the parking lot behind that park. We could take a walk through it and- and you could walk me to my car when we're ready to go."

Tommy gives him a gentle nod, ”Yeah, that sounds like a plan. I parked my car there as well.”

”Really?” Buck asks.

”Yeah,” Tommy tells him as they begin making their way toward the park. ”The parking here is an absolute nightmare.”

”Tell me about it,” Buck says. ”It was pure luck that I got a parking spot that morning we met.”

”Luck seems to be on our side,” Tommy tells him, smiling.

They walk under a metal arch that leads into the park.

”It’s usually not on my side,” Buck chuckles. ”But maybe you’ll turn it around.”

”Maybe I will,” Tommy replies, a small smirk on his lips.

Buck notices that their knuckles are brushing against each other as they walk and he has to glench his hand into a fist to keep himself from lacing their fingers together.

Silence takes hold of the two of them as they keep strolling through the park and with every step, Buck wishes that the parking lot was further away. He doesn’t understand how just existing with another person can feel so easy when they’ve only known each other for hours. But it does.

It just does.

And still, no matter how comfortable he is feeling, Buck can’t let the silence just be.

”Did you know that I was struck by lightning?” He blurts out, causing Tommy to stop dead in his tracks.

He pauses as well.

”That was you?”

Buck smiles sheepishly and rubs the back of his neck, feeling small beads of sweat there, ”One more thing to know about me, I guess?”

"Christ, kid," Tommy says, huffing out a chuckle. He makes his way over to him, wraps an arm around his shoulders, and gets them to start walking again, "Do I have to keep an eye on you? Are you one of those people who could just, I don't know, fall over a little bump on this path right now and break a bone?"

”I’m pretty good at getting hurt,” Buck tells him and lets out a small breath, ”So maybe you should k- keep holding onto me.”

A smile that is part smirk takes over Tommy’s lips and God, Buck wants to kiss them. The hold on his shoulders gets a little tighter as Tommy pulls him against his side and Buck’s brain fills up with all the happy hormones there are in a person just from the little bit of contact.

”You know, Evan,” Tommy speaks up when the parking lot starts getting awfully close. ”Now that I know that this is all… very new to you, I’d just like you to know that there’s no pressure.”

”W- What do you mean?” Buck asks.

”I know this was our first date and I would say it went well. Don’t you think?”

Buck nods. He definitely agrees with that. He can’t remember the last time he had a first date go so well.

"I mean," Tommy mumbles and this is the first time Buck's seen him struggle with his words, and damn it, it's just as cute and hot as his confidence is. "I remember what it was like to come out and start dating men for the first time. It was exciting but nervewracking and I just want you to know that we can go at your pace."

If they were going at his pace, they would be kissing against the tree to their left right about now.

Buck nods, "I- I appreciate that. I don't… I don't know what I'm ready for, but I am ready for something and I know that this is brand new and we still have so much to learn about one another but I- I like being with you, it- it feels good and right, and I can't wait for another date with you, Tommy, and-"

Tommy’s looking at him with such fondness that Buck stops speaking without even noticing.

"… And?" Tommy asks, his voice even lower now.

”And I want to see where this could go,” Buck finishes, his eyes flickering to Tommy’s lips again.

Tommy nods, smiling, ”I’d like that too, Evan.”

They look at each other for a moment, which seems to stretch on for an eternity and Buck doesn’t mind it. The way the sun flickers through the trees surrounding them makes parts of Tommy’s skin look like gold and he feels so happy that he could… Well, not die, but he feels like he’s truly living.

When they finally make it to the parking lot, where there is nothing but shadows, Tommy finishes his story about his grandma, who still lives in Italy and who he spent summers with when he was a child.

”I’ve always said that I’m going to go back,” he says as Buck leans against his jeep. ”With her being so old now, I better do it sooner than later but you know how it is with our line of work.”

”Yeah,” Buck replies. ”I’ve always wanted to go to Italy. It’s the one place I’ve never been.”

”Really?” Tommy asks.

”Really,” Buck replies.

They smile at each other in silence, the thought of going there together passing through their minds but neither of them says it.

Buck gathers all his courage as he reaches out and takes Tommy’s hand in his. Tommy shoots him a surprised but genuine smile and gives his hand a gentle squeeze.

”I know I’m new at this but I’m someone who knows what they want,” Buck tells him. ”I don’t draw rainbows on just anyone’s to-go cup.”

Tommy chuckles, "Oh, so that is a Tommy Kinard-only kind of luxury?"

”Maybe it is,” Buck replies, smirking and pulling Tommy a little closer. ”Kinard, huh?”

”Yes, that’s my last name.”

”Good to know,” Buck says. ”Now I know what name to look for during our calls, just in case you happen to be there.”

Tommy nods, stepping even closer and Buck’s back hits against the side of his jeep. Their faces are so close now and Buck feels his whole body tingle in a way he hasn’t felt in a long, long time.

”And what name should I look out for?” Tommy asks.

”B- Buckley,” he says.

”Buckley,” Tommy echoes his name back to him and somehow, it sounds good coming from Tommy but at the same time, it feels wrong.

He only wants to be Evan to him.

”Evan,” Tommy says then as if he read his mind. His hand slips away from Buck’s and comes to gently rest against his cheek, his thumb barely brushing against the corner of his lips. ”Is this okay?”

Buck’s heart begins to beat faster. His breathing stills as he focuses on the blues of Tommy’s eyes, knowing that the color is reflected in his own, and he nods.

Tommy’s lips are soft as they press against his and Buck sighs into the kiss, relaxing his whole body against the other man. Tommy’s other hand comes to rest at his hip, squeezing ever so slightly, and Buck is pretty sure that nothing will ever beat this feeling.

He brings a hand to rest against Tommy's shoulder, rubs up and down, feeling the soft fabric there, and wishes that it wasn't there so that he could feel his skin. He deepens the kiss, tilting his head ever so slightly and he tries to make himself remember every detail of this moment. The way Tommy's hand feels on his cheek, big and warm. The way that his lips feel against his, sweet and sure. The way that he feels so free, truly and completely.

When Tommy pulls away, barely, Buck can’t even bring himself to be disappointed. He’s on a high that he can’t explain.

”You alright?” Tommy whispers, their noses gently touching.

”T- That,” Buck stammers, his voice barely above a whisper. ”That was better than iced coffee with oat milk.”

Tommy chuckles, resting their foreheads together for the shortest of moments, ”I think everything is better than iced coffee with oat milk.”

Buck lets out the smallest of laughs and leans closer. He places his chin on Tommy's shoulder and to his relief, feels Tommy wrap his arms around him. They stand there until Buck feels his heartbeat match Tommy's.

”You should text me when you get home,” Tommy whispers into his ear as he pulls away.

”I will,” Buck promises. ”Y- You should text me too. Whenever you want.”

Tommy smiles, ”I will, Evan.”

They share some more words, different ways of saying bye for now, before touching each other's hands one more time until they let go again. Buck watches Tommy walk away. Watches him get in his car and drive away.

And he breathes.

---

Tagging people here: @theotherbuckley @aringofsalt

#bucktommy #bucktommy fanfic #bucktommy fanfiction #911 abc #evan buckley #tommy kinard #911 on abc #tevan #kinkley #ro writes #part 2

[lnlightning81]

Deserve [PG10]

Summary : Your ex is in the paddock and a bad race leads Pierre to worrying about how good he is for you

Pairing/s: Pierre Gasly x Reader, Joe Burrow x ex!reader

Word Count: 1.2K

Masterlist

Pierre Gasly Masterlist

Coming Soon

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Request

A/N: This has been sitting just needing an ending for ages. I also just graduated and had prom. I'm still recovering from my prom.

The Miami paddock was obviously your favourite paddock to be in as it was your home country but also the closest Grand Prix to your home state. Typically, the Miami paddock was full of influencers or random celebrities that knew nothing about Formula One. 

Many years ago, you would have been seen as one of those random influencers, except it was so far from the truth. Your family history always included mechanics from your great grandfather all the way to your father and siblings. While your brothers decided to become mechanics for normal everyday cars, you went to university getting a degree in mechanics before following in your fathers footsteps and working for a Formula One team. 

Alpine had welcomed you with open arms when you applied for the job after one of Pierre’s engineers had decided it was time to leave the role and spend more time with his family. Taking the role of Engine Engineer was not something you had ever seen yourself doing, but now you were doing it. It was something you never wanted to stop doing. 

You had started working with Alpine keeping your distance from everyone but Pierre wouldn’t stop trying to get to know you so after becoming good friends you told him about the relationship you were currently in after meeting your boyfriend -Joe Burrow- as a child where after many years of hiding the relationship and not talking about your feelings it eventually happened. 

Except maybe dating your best friend and childhood friend isn’t the best thing you could ever do. The relationship wasn’t one you ever thought you’d be in. The feelings that were there to start with slowly just started to disappear, and after letting Pierre into this side of your life, he vowed that he’d never let anyone hurt you again. 

After finally giving into Pierre’s attempts to go on a date with him, you finally gave in, and now, a year later, you were in Miami for the Grand Prix. Walking through the paddock on the day of Sprint and Quali, you were far too focused on talking to another mechanic to realise that Joe was standing in the paddock. Talking about the car as you walked into the garage. 

Noticing Travis Kelcee in the garage, you smiled over before turning to Pierre and the car. Obviously, it was well known that Travis would be within the Alpine garage due to him having stakes in it. You never thought about Joe being there as well after avoiding him since the breakup. 

“Hey mon amore” Pierre smiled, pressing a kiss to your cheek as you stood next to him. 

“Hi love” You smiled, grabbing your ipad from the desk before walking over to get your headphones. Placing the radio pack in your pocket as you walked back over to the car. Talking with Pierre about the things your team was planning to change before the sprint race, making sure he agreed with the plans before setting up the team on the plan. 

About ten minutes later, Pierre joined you in supervising the team, handing you a cup of coffee with a smile as you turned to look at him 

“So you’ll never guess who I just saw walking about” He hummed, taking a drink of his water as you fully turned to face him 

“If I’ll never guess you might as well, just tell me” You shrugged, taking a drink of the coffee as you looked up at him 

“I’d rather make you guess” He shrugged, and you gave him a pointed look 

“Just tell me Pierre” you huffed, rolling your eyes as his own eyes glanced across the garage in the direction of Travis 

“Joe” He whispered, and you frowned, looking at him 

“Joe who?” You asked with a shrug as you listened into what a mechanic was saying at the same time 

“Your ex” He finished, and you looked up at him 

“He’s here? In the paddock?” You questioned, and he nodded. Quickly glancing around to make sure he wasn’t in the garage, you let out a breath when you realised he wasn’t. 

Pierre had gone out to race not long after that conversation and unfortunately due to an error with his car he had to retire only half way through the race when a tyre wasn’t put on the car correctly. He was annoyed more than anything because he was sitting within the top ten until that error. 

Storming off to his drivers room after he got out of the car, you looked over at the rest of his team, who just sighed and sat back down in their seats. You gave him a couple of moments alone before following him to the drivers room. 

Knocking on the door, not wanting to barge in, you could hear him shuffling about inside the room just waiting for some acknowledgement before walking in, but there was no acknowledgement. 

“Love? Please let me in” You sighed 

“It’s open” His muffled voice came through the door, and you walked in with a sigh. Seeing him sat on the couch with his head in his hands. You sighed, sitting down next to him and wrapping your arms around his shoulders, pulling him into your chest. 

“You don’t deserve me. You should just go back to Joe. He’s one of the best players. He’s currently one of the best-looking athletes. He can actually do his job properly. He’s just a better person than I am, and you don’t deserve to be stuck with me, and I get it if you want to go back to him because if I were you. I would” You frowned, pulling his hands away from his face 

“Pierre what?” You asked now really confused as you held his hands in your own 

“Just let me know” You tilted your head to look at him better 

“Baby. I’m not leaving you for Joe. I left him and got you. Why would I change that? You’re the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, not him. We weren’t in love but me and you. We are, and I wouldn’t change that for the world because you’re the one that I love. I wouldn’t want it to be anyone else beside me” You pressed a kiss to the knuckles of his hands gently wiping his tears away

“I don’t deserve you” He shook his head, and you sighed 

“I don’t deserve you, love. You’re so kind and caring, and I hate to see you put yourself down for something that you couldn’t help. That wasn’t your fault. That was the mechanics, and I love them, I do, but there was nothing you could have done to stop that retirement” You pressed a kiss to his cheek just wanting to shower him in love. 

“You’re doing the best that you ever could in that car. As your engineer I get to say it’s a shit car and you’re pushing that car to its limits but if you’re not happy here maybe you need to start thinking about the fact silly season is coming up and there’s so many open spaces” You pushed his hair back as he nodded 

“Yeah I guess” He sighed 

“Baby. You’re so kind and caring, and I know you. I know who you are as a person. You as a person are what matters to me, not you as a driver, because I love you as the human being, not as anything else. I love you baby” You gently pressed your hand against his cheek as you gently caressed his cheek. 

“I love you too”

@barcelonaloverf1life

@hiireadstuff

@mxdi0

@f1kenzzz

@evie-119

@ahgase99

@thegrapejuiceblues1982

@zabwlky1999

@callsignwidow

#pierre gasly x y/n #pierre gasly imagine #pierre gasly x reader #f1 x you #f1 x reader #f1 imagine #f1 fic #f1 fanfic #f1 #formula one x y/n #formula one x you #formula one x reader #pg10 x reader #pg10 x you #pg10 #pg10 fanfic #pg10 imagine

[basilpaste]

osis!swap. because i was thinking about lock.

(Under the tree is…)

(You're not sure what you're looking at, actually. It looks like a bunch of inanimate objects piled together.)

(It has a face. Or at least it has a mouth. The thing grimaces when you see it.)

〘"Hi."〙

(It talks! It can speak!)

("… Hi." You say back.)

〘"Welcome to your rebirth! This is your first loop!" Its porcelain darkless hands come up into the most pathetic jazz-hands you've ever seen.〙

(WH. HUH???? HOW DID THIS THING KNOW ABOUT-)

〘"Sorry!" It yelps, waving its hands nervously, "That's probably a spooky thing to hear from something you just met!"〙

(You sputter. "H-how do you know about how I-" You can't finish that.)

(It seems thoughtful for a moment. Looking at this stranger now, you notice that its head is almost shaped like a planet. There's a ring that wraps around it where its eyes would be.)

〘"How do I know you died?" It finishes for you.〙

(… You nod.)

〘"I saw it." It says quietly, regretfully, "It's my job to watch over you."〙

(Is this some sort of agent of the Universe? That doesn't make sense, though. A higher being watching over a person is… that's weird. Not how the Universe works. You think.)

("Why?")

〘"… You're looping through time. I'm here to act as a guide to you, Siffrin."〙

(You freeze. "HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME?")

〘"Er." It looks away, head bobbing slightly, "I know things about the loops, but I also know things about you. Like your name, your parties names, and other important things. Like… pronouns."〙

(You're not entirely sure if you'd put pronouns on the top of important things for a celestial body to know??? Also you're kind of freaking out.)

(Instead of freaking out more you find your voice. "Do you. Have pronouns?")

(… Good question, Siffrin. Great going.)

〘It laughs, bright and warm despite how quiet it seems. "Hah! Yeah. Yes, I have pronouns."〙

(…)

〘"It/its. If you don't mind." It sighs. "Like I said: I'm your guide. A something. Think of me as... a tool. A, uh, resource to use!"〙

(Well... at least if you know this one's pronouns, you can think about how out of place it seems. Like a swing taking a role it doesn't know. You nod.)

〘"Oh! Right, um. There's a lot of information that I'm gonna throw at you in a second!" It gestures at the space under the branches of the tree, "You might want to sit down?"〙

(That's. Probably a good idea? Your legs are shaky and your heart is racing so you should probably sit that might help.)

〘"Woah, buddy!" It exclaims, "Take a breath?"〙

(Hah! Yeah, yeah, you should do that! You were just thinking about the fact that your heart was racing. You should breathe. That might help! Probably!!!)

(In)

(And out.)

〘"Pheeeeeeeew." It breathes with you.〙

(... It kind of reminds you of someone. The way it holds itself.)

〘"So... the loops, huh?"〙

(You nod. "The loops.")

〘"Every time you die, you'll loop back in time. Like... what just happened. Until you break the loop."〙

(You squint at it, "Can't you just tell me how to do that?"

〘"Er..." It looks away from you, "No? I'm a resource, not an answer key. I'm here to help, but I don't really have all the answers. Sorry."〙

(Oh... thats disappointing. You guess you'll have to figure that part out on your own then??? The actual important part? Which is not being trapped in a death loop forever?)

(... Actually.)

(It's not all bad, is it? Being back means you have a chance to try again! To do better next time!!! You won't die like an idiot this time! You'll make your way to the King and then break the loops! No problem!)

〘"So I can't tell what you're thinking but I can sort of guess and I probably wouldn't think about things like that? If I were you? And obviously I'm not you, but I just wanted to, uh, give you that little nugget of wisdom."〙

(!!!)

(Weird! You're not sure how to read this guy at all! This guy... hm)

("Do you have a name?" You ask it.)

〘"... Do I need one?" It replies, tilting its body to the side. Its head follows a beat later.〙

(You think about your own name.)

("I can't just call you nothing, can I?")

〘"You can call me whatever you want! Your guide, your resource, cr-stars! You can even just call me annoying, haha!"〙

(It's weird, for sure, but you don't know if you'd call it annoying? Maybe it is, but you don't really have a super strong opinion yet? You can't tell if you like or hate this guy yet.)

(You shrug, "I guess? But give me something to call you. So I won't forget.")

(It hugs itself, mouth pressing into a thin line. Oh, stars. Did you already make it mad at you?)

〘"... You can call me Lock." It tells you finally, "Your tool for breaking the loops, Lock. Ironic, huh?"〙

#in stars and time spoilers #isat #isat spoilers #isat au #of stitches in sequence #osis swap #basil writes

[misty--nights]

So I'm watching the show yet again (usually I struggle watching shows, I don't know how I've managed to watch it twice already and still want to watch it a third time), and here are some things that I've noticed in episode 1, after the read more because it got longer than expected.

Charles calls himself the brawn and the protector of the two, but it's Edwin who goes all serious and says "I would not let that happen" when Charles asks what they'd do if Death came for them. I'm sure/concerned that he'd try to fight her if she ever came to take them...

Edwin knits!! When they are wearing their disgusses to get the demon out of Crystal he knitts while Charles reads the newspaper. Granted, you can only see him doing for a short moment, so I don't know if he's doing it properly, but I like to think he is. I have many thoughts about this, but it would take over the whole post. I'm still willing to make a whole post for it if anyone is interested but yeah. Bottom line is, Edwin can knitt!

The tone of voice that Crystal uses when she first wakes up in the Agency and in her walk with Charles is really different to the tone she uses the rest of the season. In hindsight, it's pretty obvious that is her mean girl tone, but still, I just think it's a nice detail.

Edwin takes Crystal's coffee cup when she takes the mail? We've just stablished he's not going to drink it, so is he just being petty? Is he going to throw it away or hide it just to be a nuisance? Is he investigating what she got? This boy, I swear...

I know people have pointed out all the Clue boards in the closet, but there's also a ouija board there? Hilarious. Maybe some ghosts prefer communicating with that instead of speaking? Or Charles got it because he thought it was funny and then never got rid of it?

I like that the thing that convinces Edwin to take the Becky Aspen case is Charles asking if he's going to let a little girl die. But more importantly, the title card right after that says "three flights". I've had this question for a bit, but what do they do during those flights? Do the boys spend those just standing in the hallway next to Crystal's seat? Do they sit in the cockpit? Do they hide in the bathroom until someone comes to use it? Do they hope for empty seats they can use? I don't know, every possible version of their trip is so funny to me. I know ghosts don't get tired like alive people, but the idea of them just standing awkwardly off to the side for more than 10 hours is hilarious.

No big detail here, I just love Crystal's purple coat thing she wears in this episode. Never really noticed that it has like flowers embroidered at the bottom, and the color of the whole thing is so nice.

"Maybe he's our fucking demon now." Crystal I love you, that is one of the funniest lines in the episode. I also really like that she gets to be angry and scared. Even if later Jenny talks her down from the worst it, it's not her anger that she points out, it's the fact that people are just like that and how the boys act is nothing personal. Her anger is not directly attacked (except by Edwin, but that's just him being petty), because she gets to be angry about all that's happening to her.

The flashback to Edwin's life at St. Hilarion's changes the video aspect (is that the proper term for that? It makes the screen square like in older films is what I mean.) Also he card for that flasback specifies "Edwardian England" even while having the date at the bottom. I don't know, it made me chuckle that they felt the need to clarify the era even while having the date there. They don't put "modern day England" for Crystal's flashback.

With the way the cat reacted to the sardine, I'm willing to bet he would have told Edwin everything without the binding spell if Edwin had a few more fish for him.

When they're talking behind the shop and Crystal says she gets angry, Charles looks down and takes a bit to respond. I think this is the first time he relates to her. The first time he can call that pull twards her something more than mere attraction. He has this very vulnerable look when she says it and then immediately shows her his parents and tells her something he's never told anyone before? This boy saw his anger in someone else and thought maybe it's fine for him to be angry too.

Is it a trick of the light in the scene where she meets Niko, or does Crystal have a septum piercing?

"If you're sticking around, you gotta let us in." Charles, I love you, but you are the last person who should be saying this. Specially after that sad look he gets when Crystal says it must be hard not being able to talk or hug his parents. You just agreed to what she said, as if that were the truth of why you check on them, what do you mean "you gotta let us in"? (I do get that they haven't known each other for long so he's not going to open up about all his trauma, but precisely because of that, it's wild for him to expect her to do it.)

I never noticed Charles quickly returning the mirror to normal when Edwin comes. I'd noticed the audio cue for the mirror changing back, but I never noticed Charles moving to do it and he looks so panicked about it.

Considering how Edwin is about touch, the fact that he lets Crystal take his hand when she tells the that the case matters is huge.

Why are they planning down at the shop when they have Crystal's room all to themselves? Besides the ambiance, of course. I think Jenny's reaction is completely justified.

Esther leaves her turntable on when she goes to the post office. Is it for Monty? The atmosphere? Did she just forget?

Not a new discovery, just a reminder of something I really like. There's this very specific editing thing (like the quick cuts between the instruments and then the opened lock, I don't know what to call it) that they do pretty much every time Charles picks a lock / opens a door, and it makes me very happy each time. The sound they use for it is perfection.

Edwin's attention to detail is insane. The fact that he can recall one cupboard is further forward than it was in the plans is really impressive.

Charles sounds so done when he throws the magic backpack. "Put her in the bag-of-tricks backpack." Man, I can hear the eye roll in that sentence. Good to know Edwin isn't the only bitchy one in this relationship.

And that's it for episode 1. I think I might do this for the others as well as I watch them. It was really fun to do, and it forces me to pay attention to the details, so I think it's worthwhile.

#dead boy detectives #edwin payne #charles rowland #crystal palace #jenny green #esther finch #niko sasaki #my writing

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

NSFW, s/h mention, smoking mention

AITA for not telling my boyfriend how I felt about something sexual that we did?

So, my (19f) boyfriend (22m) was in town visiting me over the summer. I live with my parents while I'm not at college, so he was staying with me, my parents, and my four younger siblings. The event that I'm talking about was at the end of his visit, the night before he had to head home back to his own place (different state, about a 7 hour drive from me).

Some important context for this before I begin is that I am somewhere on the asexual spectrum (he knows this and we have discussed it) and don't typically derive any sexual pleasure from anything that we do. This isn't to say that I don't enjoy it -- I'm typically very neutral on sexual things, but I like feeling close to him and I like the pleasure that it brings him. This is to say, I find enjoyment in what we do in my own way, and everything we do is with extremely explicit consent. He also has some issues when it comes to sexual acts from a relationship in the past, and while I don't know all the details, it's clear that he is hesitant specifically about making sexual advances towards me. We are both technically virgins in the strict sense. We both have histories of deep body image issues and self-harm (mine ongoing, his (mostly) in the past).

This particular day I was super overstimulated all day for reasons that had absolutely nothing to do with him (hunger, exhaustion, ongoing depressive episode, other unrelated reasons). We started messing around at night and, although I was not terribly in the mood, I was still enjoying being close to him (and wanting to be intimate before he left in the morning). It went further than I think either of us expected it to (again, EXPLICIT consent from both parties). Obviously I won't share details, but at the end of the night there was cum on me and in my bed.

Now, while all this was happening, I was enjoying it. Not sexually but sensually and romantically. But afterward, the overstimulation of being dirty and my bed being dirty hit me like a wave and I sort of internally freaked out. I made sure to reassure him that everything we did was good and that I wanted it all, which I did. He then asked if I wanted to shower together or separately. I said separately and went to shower. I took a longer time in the shower than I intended to and had a minor meltdown. I ended up self-harming (not majorly) to calm myself down and get myself out of the panic. When I came back to the room and he left to wash up, I smoked a little weed and nic while he was gone (he's a nonsmoker but knows that I do) to calm myself down more. When he came back I told him I didn't want to sleep in my bed because it was dirty, and asked if we could sleep on the couch in the living room instead (relatively isolated living room, both fully dressed and literally just sleeping, no chance of anyone stumbling upon us in the morning except MAYBE my 16-year-old sister). The rest of the night was fine.

Here's where I'm almost positive I'm the asshole. He was clearly upset with himself after what happened even though we had both wanted it, and he kept apologizing and telling me he loved me. He asked me to turn away so he could get dressed (which of course I did) which is a major change from usual. I think it was because I asked to shower separately from him and then expressed discomfort at my bed being a mess. Even though I reassured him almost relentlessly the entire evening that everything was good, he was obviously deeply upset with himself. He was also crying when he got out of the shower, but I'm 90% certain that was because he was upset about leaving the next day, since we were going to be apart for the longest we'd ever had to be due to his career.

So I just didn't tell him about the self-harming or the smoking or the meltdown. I knew he wouldn't find out because he was leaving the next day.

Why I am almost certainly the asshole: I wasn't communicating about something he almost certainly would've wanted to know about. The self-harming is particularly shitty on my part. We are both very open about our mental illness and relate in a lot of ways, so he knows I actively s/h and is not upset by it (apart from just like generally not wanting your partner to s/h). But he's so intent on communicating all of our feelings about everything that we do together that I know he would've wanted to know that I was upset, and actively hiding that I was hurting myself is a deeply deeply shitty move on my part. I know that.

Why I might not be the asshole: telling him would've done absolutely NOTHING positive for either of us. Everything we did was consensual and enjoyable, and it was only the mess afterward that overwhelmed me and just happened to be the straw that broke the camel's back after a really long day. There's absolutely nothing he did wrong or nothing he could've done to prevent it. I feel like telling him couldn't have brought about any positive results since he wasn't really responsible for it and it had nothing to do with him. It would've just led to more insane self-flagellation and self-hatred on his part.

I'm almost certain I'm the asshole here. It's been weighing on me like crazy since he left. But I almost feel like telling him would've been MORE of an asshole move on my part.

Feel free to ask any clarifying questions.

#aita #am i the asshole #self harm cw

[mxtantrights]

un-ordinary human

a/n: okay I mean it FINAL PART. now I did say I wanted to give you angst, so don't be surprised! that being said if you want a short blurb or bullet points about this story after this def come into my inbox and tell me!!! <33 hope you enjoy (and if you see mistakes, know that I am but a feeble human who wrote this all in one go because I had one (1) idea) thank you again for all the love!!!

part one | part two

The portal lay open in front of you. The swim would be short. You would have to hold you breath for at least ten seconds, which you could do. And then you would go through the portal and be back home.

They weren't sure how it worked. If the same amount of time would have passed there as it did here. If it had been years since you left, or maybe just weeks or hours.

You sigh.

"Leaving them without saying goodbye, little human?" Amren asks.

You turn around to face her. There she is leaning against a wide tree, her arms crossed over her chest. She was the one who knew you wanted to leave tonight. You hold told her as such and said goodbye to her.

But not so much the others. Not Azriel or Eris.

It's not that you wanted to hurt them. But you thought it best to leave without being so dramatic. And without having any more conversations about your love life, or lack thereof.

"I think it's better this way." you answer.

"Or you're just being a coward. And you don't want to get hurt again." Amren pipes in.

She walks over to you slowly. You watch as her arm detangle from themselves. And then she's taking your hands into hers.

"It's okay to want to protect yourself. Just don't lie about it, epically to me." Amren adds on.

You smile sadly, "I'll miss you so much."

"I know. But our friendship wasn't meant to happen. So even this little time we did have, I will cherish." she says.

You can't help the tear that slides down your cheek. Amren swipes it away and smiles with you. You sniffle as she grabs onto your shoulders and shakes you bit.

"I'm going home." you say quietly.

"You're going home." she agrees.

She lets go of you. You take a step back and compose yourself as best you can. You roll your shoulders back and you take a deep breath.

Then you do it. You walk into the lake, you walk and walk until the water reaches your waist. You look back at Amren who gives you a small wave. You wave back.

You hold your breath and dive underwater.

-

There's only one word you can use to describe your world now.

Madness.

Walking through the portal was the best decision at the time for you. You could finally go back home, be normal again. Not have to worry about someone picking you off like prey simply because you are human.

But you couldn't possible expect this.

While you only spent less than ten years with the fae, it's been more than fifty years back home. Meaning everything you ever had is gone, everything you've ever known is changed, and almost everyone you knew is fifty years older than you.

You realized very quickly that you couldn't stay in the place you called home. How could you? Walk around with the same face from fifty years ago? They would call you a witch, they would do awful and vile things to you.

So you made the lonesome trek across the canary isles to the other side. Where no one had heard of you, had ever seen you before. And just for added assurance you changed your name too.

The rumbling began a year after you came back.

You'd feel it pass during the day at work at the local inn, or at night while your were sleeping. And sure enough when you'd go outside the next day there was a new crack in the ground. Cracks spanning for miles. Some ran deep, some were just surface level.

But you knew, you knew what was happening.

How the Canary Isles were rocked by powerful tremors and then sunk. Reemerging as the court of nightmares. You' don't know what scares you most, knowing that the very ground beneath you feet will be submerged underwater at any given moment or that what comes after is fae, and other magical beings.

You wouldn't run. You wouldn't run no matter how much your mind screamed at you to go. And you had plenty of opportunity to. It's not like you would need to pack anything either. Your pay at the inn was enough to eat, bathe and house yourself.

But you couldn't find it in yourself to abandon your home land. Or the people. You couldn't convince all of them that something bad was going to happen without coming off as a with or heretic. So you stayed, you waited, and waited.

All that waiting you did just made you sad. Sad for what was to come, and sad that you didn't say goodbye to Azriel and Eris. You left without a word, without a thought for their pain. You only thought of yourself.

You've regretted it since coming back. But the portal only worked once for you, and closed immediately after.

You waited for five years after the rumbling began. Then it happened. The once large island splintered off into four, uneven pieces. You saw a lot of lives lost that day.

And with the help of those who survived you rebuilt. But in the back of your mind you knew it was for nothing because soon the isles would be gone.

It happens on a normal day. When you are off from work, picking up fresh vegetables for a few of your neighbors. You feel it starting. In your feet, the ground shakes. Then the fruits from the stand to your right start rolling off the display. Apples and pears rolling past you.

The ground cracked where you stood. You tried you best to run. And you did make it quite far. You made it all the way to what used to be the old village, but was now chunks of land in the sea. The land just cuts off with no warning.

And you had no choice. When the large crack made it's slithering voyage to you. There was no decision. There was no left or right step to take. Before you knew it, you were falling into the open ground, into the ice cold water.

-

Amren had this feeling in her gut today. She couldn't bother to eat fresh meat, she couldn't keep focused during training the Nesta, and she couldn't bother to really pay attention to Varian.

Something happened. She just didn't know what.

And she would have stayed this way if it weren't for the interruption almost four hours after she felt it but Eris. He winnowed into the kitchen, cheeks flush and eyes wide.

She was the only one there. The only one to witness him like this.

"I can't feel it. The bond. I can't feel it anymore." he got out.

Amren turned to him, "She went home years ago, wouldn't you have felt it then?"

"I'm unsure. But this, it feels cold. Like I'm tied to a piece of ice." Eris answers, his hand placed over his chest.

In a matter of seconds, Azriel comes bursting into the kitchen. He sees Eris, and his very distressed state, and then he takes in Amren. Amren who has a look of worry on her face.

"It's happened. The Isles, they sunk into the water." Azriel speaks.

Eris looks at him bewildered, "But that can't be. She just got there. Are you saying she went home only to die in five years?"

"Maybe the time was different there. We don't know." Amren offers.

"Nyx said that my hands felt cold. I didn't even notice until I asked Cassian to feel them." Azriel confesses.

"Wait, how could you feel something when you-" Amren cuts herself off.

She looks at Azriel then. His eyes down trodden, watery. It was one thing for him to lose someone he really cared for, but this was more emotion that that. This, this was the loss of a mate.

"Is this what it will feel like? Forever?" Eris asks, mainly to himself but still out loud.

He's seemingly too in shock to put together what Azriel just divulged.

Amren felt it then. The feeling she got that morning. It wasn't some enchantment or some new groundbreaking emotion. It was guilt Guilt that she had let you go to your death.

-

A few months later and Azriel isn't himself. He's tried his best but he cannot seem to function at the level he's used to. His hands remind him of you being gone.

He hadn't told anyone. Still hasn't, to this day. But he felt it. He felt it when you asked him why you were so important to them. He felt the bond snap.

And he hid it. He hid it with ease, with the same amount of effort Eris used to hide his bond with you.

Azriel is standing in Rhys' office, waiting for Eris to come in. Apparently he received a letter from Kalias about something important.

The ginger haired male steps into the room and takes Eris in. The dark circles under his eyes, his usual smirk gone. Azriel never thought he'd see the day.

Eris walks in without a word and passes the note to Azriel. He doesn't even look in his direction when he does it. Azriel reads the note out loud quickly.

Special request. In need of Fire abilities. And espionage skills. Urgent item in need of acquiring.

"I don't see why not." Rhys says.

"It's beneath me, is why." Eris scowls.

"The both of you could use this right now. You won't be back to your old selves but maybe it's what you need." Rhys tries again.

Azriel lets a moment pass.

"I'll go on your orders." he says to his friend.

Rhys chuckles, "I don't want you to go because of me. I want you to go because this is something new."

"Bring a flame-thrower. I'm going home." Eris barks.

Eris heads for the door but as soon as his hand lands on the knob, Rhys starts speaking again.

"Kalias called for the two of you. I wouldn't want to risk any court relations because you decided not to show up." Rhys replies.

Eris turns around, angry.

"Who cares about some lost artifact, which is probably all that it is." Eris argues.

"Kalias does. And if you want an alliance with this court, you'll join Azriel." Rhys speaks sternly.

Eris and Azriel pass a look to one another. They haven't been in the same room since that day they both felt her lack of presence.

"Fine."

"Whatever."

-

Kalias leads both Azriel and Eris down a tunnel of ice. One that was being carved open for years. Over a decade of fae had taken their picks and hatchet to this iceberg in hopes of finding something, anything that could clue them into the history of the court.

And for a while it was nothing. Just ice, the ver present chunk of frozen terrain, and then more ice.

Until a few months ago. When a fae swore he saw something larger than a piece of land. With no distinct shape. They took their time and picked and chipped at the ice until they could get close enough to the unidentified object.

But what they soon realized was their tools could very well disturb the state of the object. They could chip at the ice wrong and a piece could break off.

And that's why Kalias needed Eris. A male in the fiercest control of his fire powers that could melt the ice and procure the object. Once he had the object, depending on what it was, he needed to keep it safe. Who best but the spymaster himself?

Kalias stops once he reaches the spot. He points tot he blurted object in the ice.

"You'll need to be very careful. Too quick and you may very well melt or burn the object. But too slow and the very ice beneath us could give way." the high lord says.

"A death mission." Eris grumbles.

"We could winnow out of here before anything bad happens. But that would presumably leave this object lost to us forever." Kalias adds.

"Please don't kill us." Azriel says to Eris.

Eris raises his hand up to the ice wall. Slowly but surely the ice begins to melt. Drips of water landing on the floor and freezing again into ice.

Kalias watches in amazement.

Azriel does too.

The object getting more clear with each passing moment.

Kalias gasps, "That's a body!"

Eris stops for a second. He takes a step back.

"Keep going, Eris." Azriel says.

Eris places both his hands on the sheet of ice wall in front of him. Carefully he use his fire to melt the ice down even more. Not too quick but fast enough. The ice keeps melting, thinning the space between the three of them and the body.

Eris gets close. So close that he is scared of what he might see. Scared that it might be bones wrapped in clothes and garb. Or there might still be flesh on the body.

"Carefully now." Kalias instructs him.

Azriel's shadows come up the shell of his ear. They only ever do that if they have something to say to him. An important detail. A secret. A wrong move.

Eris pushes a bit farther and the body becomes easier to make out. So easy in fact that he feels like he can't stop. He can't stop, and Azriel's shadows seem to make out what the object finally is.

Eris and Azriel gasp at the same time.

There is the sheet of ice, half frozen and half thawed, is you.

-

"She'll be disoriented at best. There isn't any tonics or healing techniques for this type of situation." a voice says above you. It sounds older, feminine.

"But she'll be okay?" another asks. A male voice. A bit low.

"I'll have to check her vitals every few hours. And she shouldn't be crowded by too many faces. But, by my account, she'll be okay." the female voice.

"Thank you so much Majda." a new voice says. Male. A bit lower than the first one.

"Don't thank me yet. The road will be long to recovery."

"I think we'll take it." another voice says. Another female voice.

You try opening your eyes but they feel so heavy. And everything feels so cold. It wasn't like you to feel this cold. The Canary Isles weren't cold like this. This feels like a tundra nipping at the blood in your body.

You groan at the feeling.

"She's getting up. I need the three of you back."

You can faintly feel someone's touch on you. If you're in bed, there should be no one in your home. You live alone. But maybe something happened?

You try to speak but your throat feels sore.

"Don't try to speak just yet. You'll need something for that. When you're ready I want you to open your eyes." the older females voice says.

You swallow. Then you try opening your eyes again. It happens slowly. You feel like you have to peel them open, but they open. There is no light where you are. Which is weird because you sleep with the curtains half open usually.

The scent in front of you is very blurry. You can make out one face in front of you.

"Shake your head for no, and nod for yes. Can you see me?" she asks.

You shake your head. You reach up for your eyes but you feel her grab onto your hands.

"I applied something to your eyes to help you open them. But I'll wipe it off now before you rub it in." she says.

You nod your head once. She tells you what you're about to feel. And when you fell the damp cloth across your eyes your still flinch. But you let it happen.

As she wipes your vision clears up. And you can finally place her. Majda. If this is Majda, then that means...

Your heart starts racing.

"She's panicking. I need hands. Now." She says behind her back.

Which makes you look to what's right in front of you. Well not what, but who. Amren. Azriel and Eris.

Flashes of what led to you being here go through your mind. The rumblings. The cracks in the ground. The isles being split into four. The last day. How the land swallowed you whole and you landed in the water. Nowhere to swim to.

You're back here. Again.

"Lovesick fools, Amren!" Majda yells.

Amren comes over to your side. She rushes over and makes you lay back down completely. You're not in control of your emotions or your body. You can feel yourself flailing around but you can't stop yourself.

Weakly, you whisper, "Amren?"

"I know, I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry." she says.

"I won't give you the whole dose but, you need to calm down." Majda says to you.

Then you feel the pinch in your arm. You look over to your left side. A needle in your arm. It beings back memories of Beron. Poking and prodding at you, trying to figure you out. You let out a wail.

"That dose was nothing. It went right through her."

Amren looks behind her, "One of you do something!"

You watch as both of them walk over to you.

Eris slower than Azriel, who joins you on your left side where Majda is. He kneels down and extends his hand to yours.

As if to ask you to take it.

You want to cry. And that is what you do. You feel the tears roll down your cheeks as you look at him. His eye wet too. His lips form a sad smile when you take his hand softly.

The fear and the pain seeping through you seems to slow down a fraction. You feel like you can breathe again. You look over to your right side, where Eris and Amren are.

Eris makes a move to come closer to you but seems to think against it. You reach out your hand for him. He looks down at your hand, shock written all over his face, and then back up at you.

You nod your head at him.

He gives in fairly quickly. Eris takes your hand in his. You can feel the warmth from him and you let out a sigh. You settle into the bed below you a bit more.

"We thought you were gone. We felt it, the coldness." Eris says.

You're brows scrunch in the middle and you look over at Azriel. The last you checked, he couldn't feel anything like Eris could.

"I lied too. I'm sorry." Azriel speaks.

You shake your head, wanting so desperately to speak to them. To tell them how sorry you were. How you shouldn't have left without a goodbye. Or how you shouldn't have left them in such turmoil.

You take your hands and move them up both of their arms, willing them closer. Eris takes the hint first and sits on the edge of the bed. When your hands travels further, up his opposite shoulder he stills.

Azriel leans forward and places his head forward, into your side. Your hand snakes from his arm to the back of his head, your fingers in his hair.

It's then, and only then, that Eris tucks his head into your shoulder. And you finally feel like you're able to breathe normally. You reach up and rub the nape of his neck.

Sure the first time you got her had been some freak accident. But this time? This time had been fate pre-determined and unrelenting.

#acotar x reader #azriel x reader #Eris x reader #azriel aimgine #eris imagine #acotar imagine #acotar #azriel #eris

[gyjo-enthusiast]

special case. ch.3

retired!nanami x younger!sorcerer!reader

summary: during field training, each student is assigned one semi-grade 1 or higher ranked sorcerer. after the last student is left without a mentor, her professor pairs her up with his old, retired grumpy friend.

reader is in their 20s (attending college), afab!reader, fem pronouns

tags: fluff, eventual smut, colleagues with benefits (is that a thing?), age gap (reader in early 20s, nanami in mid 30s), virgin reader

previous chapter: special case. ch.2 | next chapter: to be finished

jujutsu kaisen masterlist | masterlist

chapter summary: after taking up the offer to spend a whole week at your mentor's place, you pack your things and talk through dinner together.

proofread: yes

word count: 2883 (9m)

song rec:

"are you sure it's not going to bother you?" you look at your shoes, sheating both weapons. after nanami's proposal to spend a week at his place, you tensed up, naturally.

"goodness gracious," his hand flew up to his temples, indicating irritation, "i gave you the option, of course it's not going to be a problem." turning his back to you, the blonde started walking away.

"of course if you do not want to, you don't have to," he said, mindful of how this could seem to others. "but i doubt that your classmates are all going back to dorms every single day."

"you think so?" you pondered for a while, coming to a conclusion of staying with your mentor. "okay, but i'll still have to get some spare clothes."

"go ahead and get them. i will text you my address, if anything happens, just let me know," you exchanged numbers before parting ways.

a few minutes later, your phone dinged with a notification of nanami's text consisting of his address and a question: "do you have any allergies? i'm going to make dinner." your face was redder than the sweetest strawberry reading that. wanting to keep cool, you texted back a simple "no allergies, but i don't like raw tomatoes. thank you so much:)"

thankfully you were left on read, you don't think you'd be able to handle a friendly conversation with your mentor. your very handsome mentor at that. your very handsome mentor who was preparing dinner for you two.

you couldn't hide the little smile that took shape on your lips, speeding up slightly. you wanted to be done with those obnoxious stairs to school and unwind after a long day.

as if nanami knew exactly what was going on, almost nobody was staying at the school dorms. quickly, you shuffled your feet towards the second to last door on the floor, unlocking and shutting the piece of old wood behind you.

you picked up your favourite backpack and started filling it up with clothes. checking the things off of your mental checklist: pjs, underwear, comfy clothes, spare uniform, your favourite plushie and more boring stuff like toothpaste and toothbrush.

you were practically sprinting out of your room, when your phone dinged again. this time, it was a notification from your class group chat. as if it was a sign from god himself, you realised you need your charger. you silently thanked yuuji for sending so many unnecessary selfies and finally closed the door. locking it twice, you briskly left the vicinity of your school and tried to find nanami's address on a map.

before you knew it, you descended the school stairs and went into the town without ever finding where his house is located, so you decided to focus on your surroundings for a bit to find out where you even are.

"to my left is a.." looking left, you saw an old bus station, which you tried to locate on the map. "a bus station.."

where the hell is it?!

"okay to my right is a theater, that should be easier to find," you hopelessly scrolled on your phone to find out where you are and where nanami's house is. "it should be easier to find, right?" you started to panic when you couldn't find anything around you on the map.

you were as lost as on your first day in tokyo, maybe even more. you knew you should text your mentor to let him know, but how could you? this is more embarrassing than not being able to exorcise a low-level grade curse.

realising that this is pointless, you gave in and started to look for nanami's number in your contacts.

but of course, as if he was telepathic, he called you before you could even dial his number.

"y/n? are you okay?" he said overly harsh, as if he was afraid something might have happened.

you sighed and eventually answered, "yes, sir. i'm.. i'm lost." you expected a scolding but it never came.

"lost? as in you already got your things but can't find the address? or you never went back to dorms?" nanami softened his tone, relieved that it's nothing serious.

"i can't find the address. i'm sorry," you apologised, guilty for being so troublesome.

"it's okay, just describe where you are, yeah?" he sounded entirely different now, like a concerned friend more than a mentor.

"um, well i can see an old bus station, it looks like it's not being used anymore, there's not a name of the station anywhere. there's also a theater on the opposite side," you paused for a second before finishing your thought, "it's like a crossroad if that makes sense? also i can't see anybody."

"y/n," nanami called out to you flatly, "don't go anywhere, alright?" you heard shuffling on the other side of the phone. "i think i know where you are so just wait there."

"can you not just tell me in which direction to go, sir?" you asked timidly, not wanting to be a burden.

"it's okay, the streets there are complicated to navigate through so this is easier. i'll be there in a minute." and with that, he ended the call and you were left in the empty streets, waiting.

a few minutes went by and you saw the first person to pass through here. as he made his way towards you and you could see him more clearly, you knew that without mistake, it was nanami.

you didn't know whether to be relieved or even more stressed, because he had to come for you like for a kindergartener. you slowly approached him and sheepishly smiled.

"i'm sorry sir, i'm still not used to tokyo," you excused yourself, as if it was good enough to make him come all the way here.

"don't worry about it, for now, let's go eat dinner. i'll tell you about this place later," he put a hand on your shoulder, reassuring you that it was not a big deal.

as you made your way through the streets, you suddenly understood nanami about the complicated layout of the town. if he was to just navigate you, it would do more harm than good.

it was really just a few minutes until you were at nanami's place. he unlocked the door to his apartment and led you to his bedroom.

"since i don't have a spare room, you can sleep here if you don't mind," he gestured towards his king-sized bed. your worried gaze fell upon him as he explained, "i will sleep on the couch, don't worry."

"no, i can't do that," you instantly protested, not wanting to compromise his comfort. "i'll sleep on the couch and you can sleep in your bed," you beamed at him, leaving for the living room.

"it's okay y/n, there's plenty of room on the couch for me to sleep on, if that's what you're worried about," he ignored your statement and stood infront of you. "i've fallen asleep there many times."

"but this is just rude of me, first i can't find your address and then i take your bed?" you sadden a bit, backing away from nanami.

"don't forget that i was the one who suggested this," he crosses his arms and looks down at your small form. "sleeping on the couch is my responsibility as well. at least for this week."

he was taking this very seriously, you wanted to argue once more. you looked up at him, ready to take the couch for yourself, but you stopped yourself. it's not as if his stern gaze alone put you in your place. no, he looked completely different when he wasn't working.

hair slightly falling into his face, forearms exposed (courtesy of his rolled up sleeves), the first two buttons of his shirt undone and glasses discarded. his eyes watched you as you observed him, waiting to see if you'll still protest or not.

after a while, you surrenderred and went to his bedroom. "whatever, but don't complain if your back hurts tomorrow. don't forget that i wanted you on the bed!"

"what?" nanami looks at you, confused.

"w-what?" you repeat after him, confused as well. with a sigh, he softly closes your door and leans against the wall.

"change into something more comfortable and come eat. i hope you're not going to run around in your uniform all day," the blonde then walks away to give you some sort of privacy.

you have to admit, you weren't the best with wording, at least he understood that. you hope. it's amazing how he can brush past that situation and go eat. at the same table with you nonetheless.

you were blushing like crazy just remembering the situation, but what makes matters worse was your choice of clothing. it was particularly hot during this time, so you decided to pack just some shorts that were laying around and a shirt that may be too small for you. that shirt was practically a crop-top now.

looking at your new outfit, you seriously thought that maybe being in your school uniform was better after all. you tried to shove all the inappropriate thoughts away as you awkwardly waddled towards the dining area, careful not to show any more skin than necessary.

nanami was still turned towards the counter, and you hoped he could stay like that while you ate and also went back to his bedroom.

"have you ever been to korea? or had korean food?" he suddenly asked, making you jump in your seat.

"no.." you simply answered before elaborating, "but i'd like to try it one day, why?"

"then i'm sorry you have to try it with me first. i made bibimbap for dinner," he explains, head half-tilted towards your direction. "it's not as authentic, but i like it," turning to you, he brings out a bunch of small bowls with vegetables, mushrooms and some sort of sauce, "and it doesn't contain any tomatoes."

"no it's okay! i'm sorry to be of any trouble regarding food," you apologise, smiling as he remembers you don't like tomatoes. "you didn't have to make something so big though."

"don't worry, if you weren't here, i would simply eat the rest tomorrow," he plainly stated, bringing two more huge bowls filled with food.

"wow, it smells great," you noted quietly.

"thank you," he smiled softly, explaining the dish, "it's basically a rice bowl with vegetables and meat on top. i didn't want to bother with the eggs so there aren't any, but usually you do them sunny side up. in the small bowls you serve kimchi and gochujang sauce, as well as more vegetables."

"that's amazing, it looks easy to make as well," you look at all the food on the table, "except cutting the vegetables." you laugh quietly, still mesmerised.

"it looks easy, but you have to manage a few things at once. i can give you the recipe if you want to try it out sometime," nanami suggests, making your eyes light up.

"really? i'd like that very much!" you smile at him, a gesture which he returns.

"of course. now let's eat before the rice gets cold," the man in front of you picks up his chopsticks and you mirror his action.

you both eat in silence, enjoying the foreign dish, before a thought pops into your mind. it's that crossroad, where there wasn't a soul to be seen. it seemed like nanami knew about it and you couldn't help but be curious about it.

swallowing your bite, you anxiously asked, "sir?" getting his attention, you continued. "can you tell me about the place where i got lost?"

nanami thickly swallowed before answering. "it's an abandoned part of town, mainly because people who go there disappear and don't come back," he raised an eyebrow at you, "i think you can imagine why that is."

"cursed spirits?" you meekly ask.

"an unseen amount, yes. the jujutsu sorcerers can't regulate them properly. it seems to be a huge area that attracts them," he explains, looking irritated.

"that's horrible, even more so that they can't find out why it's happening," you ponder about it for a while, but let it go eventually. still, it's going to be stuck in your head.

finishing your food, you stood up to help with the dishes before you were stopped.

"it's alright, y/n. i'll do the dishes, you should rest," nanami sounds out from behind you, collecting the small bowls.

"you should be the one resting, sir. i should do it, you're the one who made such an amazing meal after all," you try to protest again, however this time, nanami just doesn't have the strenght to put up with it.

"then you wash them and i will dry them and put them away, is that fine?" he sighed.

"okay then, but only because i don't know where to put them once i'm done!"

as you start to wash the dirty dishes, nanami stands right beside you. that's when it dawns upon you that you still only have your short tee and shorts on. embarrassed, you fixate your eyes onto the sink and try to forget about your poor choice of clothing.

your mentor of course noticed your outfit but tried to be professional about it. whenever you would finish up washing a dish and hand it over, nanami's fingers would brush over yours in the slightest. it was driving you crazy and you soon started to shiver, even though your hands were under the warm water and your ears were red hot.

"y/n?" the aforementioned man spoke up to you, "are you cold?"

oh, this was a nightmare. "no i'm okay!" you straightened up, trying to keep as still as possible but your body was not taking orders from you anymore.

"you're shivering, is the water cold?" he looked over to you as you nervously smiled. "why are you wearing shorts if you're cold? and such a short shirt," it felt almost as if he was scolding you.

"it's okay, sir, i'm not cold, it's just a shirt that was lying around, i was packing up so quickly i didn't realise," you tried to laugh it off but before you opened your eyes, the man disappeared. shortly after he came back with one of his own shirts and set it down on the other side of the counter.

"it's okay, you can have this one for the time being," he patted your back, took a small bowl and started drying it. not wanting this to be more embarrassing than it already was, you let out a small "thank you" before finishing up the dishes.

heading towards the bathroom to shower and change the godforsaken shirt, he called for you one more time.

"do you want to watch the tv before you go to sleep? i don't have one in my bedroom."

"if you wouldn't mind, then yes," you quickly showered and went back to the living room.

"just put on anything you'd like, i'm going to take a shower," you heard nanami's voice from around the corner before hearing the door close.

"thank you, sir!" you shouted back at him and went to find the remote, stealing nanami's blanket before he comes back.

turning on the tv and finding netflix, you had no idea what to watch. you felt like nothing was interesting and whatever was, you already saw six times. seeing a new crime tv show, you put it on only to be fast asleep after half an episode.

nanami took his time, letting you watch whatever you were watching, but before long he couldn't endure the scorching heat of the shower and came out. finally changing into his casual clothes, he heard gunshots and arguments on the tv. sighing, he made his way to the living room, only to find you sleeping on the couch, remote still in hand.

he pinched the bridge of his nose, not believing the situation. nevertheless, he slowly approached the couch and tried waking you up. to no avail.

"y/n, hey wake up," he shook with you slightly, whispering so you wouldn't be in too much of a shock once you wake up. "y/n!" he whisper-shouted at you a few times, which was obviously also not doing anything.

"i can't believe this kid," he whispered to himself, wrapping you in his blanket more. he then picked you up bridal style and slowly made his way to his bedroom, trying not to stumble.

finally setting you down on his bed, he was prepared to take the other blanket from the bed and leave, when a small hand tugged at his sleeve.

"y/n?" he whispered, not sure whether you were awake by now or not.

when you didn't respond, he decided you were sleeping, so he should go too. that's when your hand tugged at his sleeve again, and he noticed small tears rolling down your cheeks.

his heart skipped a beat at that, but he decided that this wasn't right, and ultimately swiped your tears with his thumb and left. without a blanket at that.

he couldn't believe you slept through all of that. maybe a new student was just what he needed in life.

got a bit of a writer's block but we're so back. i think i might just rewatch jjk for this man(❁ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)

#nanami x reader #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen x reader #x reader #kento nanami #jjk nanami #nanami kento #Spotify

[miss-musings]

The Mystery of CX-2's Rifles (A Remnant of CX-Tech Theory or a Fun Headcanon?)

I'm not sure if I'm the first person to point this out, but CX-2 has two different rifles in "The Bad Batch" Season 3. I'm not sure if this was a choice by the creators/animators to help CX-2 stand out more, or if this is a remnant of the CX-Tech theory.

Let me explain:

The first time we see CX-2 in 3.06 "Infiltration," we see him use what I'll call the black rifle.

It's an all-black military-style rifle, and it's the exact same model that Crosshair uses.

Throughout the show, we see how Crosshair can take the "base model" out of his backpack and then add his scope, a longer barrel and other accessories to it. CX-2 does the same thing.

Now, CX-2 loses this black rifle in 3.07 "Extraction" during his fight with Crosshair, who shoots it out of his hand while they're on the cliffs. Then they go tumbling down the river, and CX-2 ultimately goes over the waterfall.

It's unclear whether CX-2 ever goes back for his black rifle, because the next time we see him armed in 3.11 "Point of No Return," he's using what I'll call the brown rifle.

Like the black one, it has a base model that CX-2 can add little accessories to like a scope and a longer barrel. However it is distinct from the black one. The butt is different in shape and color -- it's specifically brown and almost looks like it's made of wood with a little circular symbol on the side.

Even the barrel looks different too. I think it's longer than the black one's, and considering some of the shots CX-2 makes on Pabu, I wonder if it's better for super-long-range shooting.

You can also briefly see him carrying the brown one in his backpack when he drops Omega off on Tantiss in 3.12 "Juggernaut."

Now, it makes sense that, if CX-2 didn't go back for his black rifle on Teth after 3.07, that he'd need a replacement gun.

But why give him a different-looking one? Why not just give him the same model of gun? Why give him a second and very distinct gun from the first? Doesn't that just make more work for the animators?

Now, here's where it really gets interesting:

CX-2 is using the brown rifle in the hangar fight in 3.15 "The Cavalry Has Arrived." He's also carrying the brown rifle when Echo sees the CX operatives carting the defeated Bad Batch away.

BUT when he accompanies Hemlock to the CX lab, where he later dies, he's carrying a black rifle instead. This is the one Hunter picks up after killing CX-2, and this is the one Crosshair uses in during the final confrontation with Hemlock.

(Side note: YouTuber Cardo assembled all of CX-2's appearances, and you can easily track when he's using the two different rifles.)

My question is: Why does CX-2 have his black rifle in the CX lab when he was just using the brown one during the hangar fight? When and why did he switch them out?

Even if the brown one was better for super-long-range shooting, why did he have it in the hangar fight at all, considering the Bad Batch was never than 100 yards away at any given point? He wouldn't need to make insane shots like he did on Pabu, when he sniped his own pilot from like a quarter-mile away.

Shoot, he barely even used his rifle at all in the hangar fight!

He shot at Hunter one time, and then let the other operatives handle the majority of the fight. We don't see him again until he chops off Crosshair's hand, and then his rifle is in his backpack!

So, why was he using a different rifle in the CX lab when he dies? Well, here are the only two explanations I can think of:

1. CX-2 has two different guns because something happened during the Season 3 production process.

Maybe it was a mistake on the animators' part. This happens from time to time. If you watch scenes enough, you'll notice things like characters' backpacks missing in one shot but reappearing in the next. Animators are human, and if anything little mistakes like that just prove this show wasn't made by AI or some shit.

Perhaps CX-2 having two different rifles is a remnant of some plotline that got scrapped. Maybe there were, at one point, two operatives who used two different guns, and they cobbled them together. Or scenes that were already animated got shuffled around in the editing room.

It's also possible the animators had to work backwards from the final confrontation with Hemlock. Maybe that scene where Crosshair is using CX-2's black rifle was already animated and "locked in." Thus, when things got reshuffled, they had to work backwards from there and had CX-2 use his black rifle in the CX lab.

Admittedly, this is all complete speculation, but based on how several other things were handled in Season 3, I wouldn't be surprised if some fairly big items were changed last-minute.

OR

2. CX-2 is a petty bitch.

This is basically a headcanon, but it would fit with the little we know of his character:

For whatever reason, CX-2 has this weird rivalry with Crosshair. He actually engages him in conversation, which we've never really seen the CX clones do: "You had your chance to be one of us. You chose the wrong side"

Then takes note of him on Pabu: "And the clones she's with?" ... "Stay alert. I neutralized the other two clones with her, but not the third."

And, of course, he seems to take a great deal of pleasure in torturing Crosshair in the hangar fight: "You should be more careful with your shooting hand."

We don't see it, but evidently, Hemlock told the CX operatives to bring in the Bad Batch alive if possible so he could try turning them into CX operatives. But, despite that, CX-2 thought Hemlock wouldn't care if he chopped off Crosshair's shooting hand even though he is A SNIPER!!!

(Yes, I know they have robot hands and stuff, but I can't imagine Hemlock was thrilled to see that his operatives had just needlessly chopped off Crosshair's shooting hand, which not only de-valued him as a potential operative but maybe also endangered his life??? "Last time we met, you'd just lost a member of your squad, and it appears history may repeat itself.")

Anyway, what I'm saying is CX-2 saw Crosshair in that hangar and said, "This shit is personal." He was out for blood, quite literally.

So, considering that Crosshair's rifle was nearby when they defeated him, and considering it's the same type of rifle we see CX-2 using in the CX lab when he dies, I wouldn't be surprised if he took Crosshair's rifle as a trophy.

Meaning that when Hunter kills CX-2 and picks up the black rifle and gives it to Crosshair for the final confrontation with Hemlock, Crosshair is actually using his own gun.

Granted, this would mean that CX-2 had to go back to the hangar or wherever to grab Crosshair's rifle, because no one seems to have it on them when Echo sees the defeated Bad Batch in the hallway. But, I just can't find a logical reason for CX-2 to suddenly have the black rifle in the CX lab when he's been using the brown one just fine the last two or three times we've seen him.

Even if the black rifle is better at mid- or close-range shooting -- which doesn't seem to be the case because it's the one Crosshair "Best Sniper in the GAR" BadBatch uses -- I imagine he could still use the brown one's base model just fine, just like he does with the black one's base model.

It really makes sense to me that he stole Crosshair's rifle and kept it as a trophy.

Maybe the black model is somehow better than the brown one, and he was pissed that Crosshair made him lose his black one on Teth so he returned the favor.

Other than weirdness with the animation/production process (which isn't impossible) that's the best explanation I have.

So, feel free to accept this headcanon for yourselves. I just wanted to throw it out there because it's been bothering me all day! Let me know if y'all have any thoughts on this, because I'd love to hear what other people think about all this...

#star wars #the bad batch #tbb crosshair #the bad batch crosshair #tbb season 3 #tbb spoilers #cx-2 #cx 2 #cx tech #cx 2 is tech #cx troopers #cx clones #bad batch #tbb #sw tbb #clone force 99 #crosshair #clone trooper crosshair #tbb cx 2 #the cavalry has arrived #tbb finale #the bad batch spoilers #tbb s3 #the bad batch season 3 #royce hemlock #tbb hemlock #dr hemlock #doctor hemlock #Youtube

[liliannadelaphinehartifelt]

Alastor - [ DEVOTION Pt. 7 ]

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Alright, buckle up loves! This one is a rollercoaster…. I’m pretty sure there’s smut (yay, we have returned to my roots). Also, thanks for all the feedback on the story. It gave me insight into a few things and what tropes to leave out of my next series (which is coming soon).

WARNINGS: [ NSFW ] + [ MDNI ] + [ SLIGHT SMUT ] + [ ANGST ] + [ CHILDBIRTH…description?… I mean not really that much… ] + [ MENTIONS OF CANNIBALISM ]

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Within the hour of Alastors shadows leaving, Roise and Angelique came rushing into your home.

Their coats were thrown to the floor at the door, and both women bound up the steps, calling you and Alastors' names in evident concern.

"Al! Y/n?!" Rosie shouted as she rounded the staircase plateau, reaching the room first, and his mother followed swiftly.

"Al! Baby, what happened?' Angelique came right to his side as he lifted his head from looking down at your sweat and blood-covered face.

Rosie gasped, seeing the state you were in, the blood pooling on the sheets, your body's weak tremors worrying both women and Alastor’s disheveled demeanor, only adding to the heart-wrenching scene.

Angelique placed a hand on your forehead, feeling for a temperature, as Alastor croaked out a phrase she had never heard him utter: "Help her ma…please…."

". She's burning up," Angelique muttered in slight shock, sparing her son a solemn glance as she caressed your cheek soothingly.

He clearly was withholding his panic, reverting back to the mild-mannered nervous ticks he had as a boy to cope with stress.

His eyes twitched rapidly, watering a bit as she conversed with Rosie on the best ways to go about helping you and the babies.

"They're gonna be okay, baby. Hey, look at me, stay strong, you hear me? Keep your head on straight. They need you more than ever…" his mother reassured him with an encouraging smile, tilting his chin up as an added gesture.

"Now is not the time to be weak like your father…"

Alastor paled at her words, unconsciously steadying his mentality to avoid breaking down any longer, "I'm nothing like that pompous and demented drunk-"

"Then go clean yourself up. Straighten out that mess in the basement. And let us do what needs to be done to save Y/n and your children…"

Angelique made no effort to put her instructions gently, already rushing about the room to ready herself for the task ahead.

Rosie merely stared at him expectantly, already tending to your wounded head after wiping the visible scum from your face with a warm wet washcloth.

"Go, Al. We will take care of this."

He froze for a moment, hesitant to leave you in such a state, gazing down at your distressed form one last time before deciding to trust them with your fate.

"I'm counting on you both," he mumbled wearily, planting a sorrowful kiss on your head while peeling off the bed's edge.

"Everything going to be alright, sweetheart. I promise.."

You sobbed lowly at his words, too weak to speak and even less apt to stop him from leaving your side.

The last sight you had of Alastor that night was him lingering at your bedroom door with a somber smile that conveyed the sadness in his eyes, and then he was gone.

A memory you couldn't recall as hours of labor set in. You spent what little strength was left in your body to birth a son and a daughter.

Your screams could practically be heard throughout the whole Garden District.

Alastors' shadows shook violently upon hearing each one, but he restrained himself from racing into the room.

Instead, he busied himself as his mother instructed: cleaning the basement, locking it up before pocketing the key for better safekeeping, and resigning himself to his studies.

Hours of listening to your muffled cries mixing with the crackling of his radio filled the atmosphere with unease.

His shadows swirled in anticipation near the bedroom door, not daring to peek in until your voice was drowned out by the soft cries of two newborns.

Alastor had been on his third cigarette and fourth whiskey by then, in the middle of drowning his stress with vices he'd sworn never to take up, but they seemed appealing for the longest night of his life.

He was rather thankful when a spectator spawned beside his chair, whispering good news in his ear and clearly elated to relay it.

They've arrived—a healthy boy and girl, and she is stable as well. A job well done, monsieur…

A tender smile crept onto his lips at the information, shrill cries of life carrying through the house proving his spectator's observation true." I shouldn't keep my children waiting then," Alastor mused half-heartedly while standing upright.

His glass of whiskey was half full on his desk, his cigarette snuffed out on an ashtray next to it, and his radio left on a low volume of static as he left the room.

———— ————— —————

"Oh, Al, come look! They're just the sweetest little lambs you'll ever see!"

Rosie ushered him in the room with a genuine grin on her face, strands of her blonde hair in disarray, her dress sleeves rolled up, and a bit of sweat on her neck from the work she'd just finished.

He chuckled at her enthusiasm, assuming she was exaggerating to lift his spirits.

"Is that so?"

Rosie nodded excitedly, gliding back over to the bed where you lay, and his mother sat facing you.

"Come on. Come look at em'…" the blonde whispered while peering into Angelique's arms.

Alastor hesitated, somewhat afraid to come face to face with his offspring, but then he heard them babble quietly.

A gentle, enlightening sound he never imagined liking, but it drew him like a magnet.

The tired smile you gave him as he neared the bed helped quite a lot.

You were alive, in need of rest, but still breathing.

His mind calmed as your eyes met for a split second, a fleeting exchange of gratefulness, but it broke as two tiny giggles filled the room.

Alastor averted his attention towards them, leaving you to watch as he took them in.

Angelique shifted slightly, adjusting her expert hold on the swaddled newborns who fixated on their looming father as he stepped closer.

"Oh my…hello there, little ones. What a pleasure it is to meet you…"

Alastor fawned over them, kneeling to get a better look, and to his delight, they both smiled at his approach.

The sudden change in expression swayed him, and he had a genuine grin on his face as he took their features in.

"What wonderful gifts you are," he muttered in amazement.

His mother chuckled, amused by her son's reaction to his children, but relieved he'd composed himself again.

"Would you like to hold them, Al?" she voiced the offer gently, watching his sharp eyes soften behind the around-framed spectacle.

"I'd love to ….." he mumbled wistfully, never taking his eyes off the newborn twins.

Rosie squealed quietly in excitement as Angelique nodded, carefully handing the boy over to Alastor first.

He gently took him in his arms, admiring their similarities, "My eyes, hair, and nose. You've stolen them all…"

He paused, stuck on what to call then, but you whispered both names through a tired smile:

"Adonis Naveen Hartifelt & Antoinette Marie Hartofelt… just as we decided, yes?"

Alastor held your gaze momentarily, sensing something was off but disregarding the underlying tension to enjoy the quaint moment.

"Yes, ma chere. Very suitable names…"

You flashed a somber smile, watching as he walked about the room with Adonis before switching to hold Antoinette.

He clearly favored your daughter a bit more, smiling the longest with her near his chest and only puttering her down when she began to fuss—which took quite a while.

Angelique took her from Alastor's grasp, letting him admire her again before he left the room with Rosie and leaving you to feed them with his mother's help.

His absence left you to wonder…

It baffled you how he could be picture-perfect at times like this.

The very image of a good and gracious man.

Nothing like the monster you imagined could systematically tear apart a body the way you witnessed in the basement.

Nothing like a man who'd lie to his wife.

Nothing like the man who'd caused you so much pain in what was supposed to be your happiest time together.

————— ————— —————-

As the days rolled on, winter winds ravaged New Orleans through the holidays, but the frivolous change of season seemed a distant notion outside of the Hartifelt house.

You were first confined to bed rest by Angelique, then by a doctor's official recommendation the next day, and with their orders came directions.

No overexcerting yourself.

No stress.

A fulfilled and healthy diet couldn't be avoided.

And at least six hours of sleep per day.

The last two stipulations were hard to follow because they felt impossible, and you couldn't bring yourself to relax until Alastor made an effort to explain himself��

To explain the body in the basement and why he'd ever see the need to butcher someone in such a gruesome way.

You'd long figured out what he'd been using it for, piecing together what you witnessed with what had been conspiring in your home for months…

The mutilations on the body were precise, as if he had been harvesting certain parts, but you didn't recall seeing any limbs or organs lying around the basement.

There was no rotting flesh smell either, nothing to indicate he was keeping them as personal trophies, but the victim had clearly not been his first from the looks of their wounds.

You'd never seen him dispose of anything, never heard any clamoring noises from the basement when he was down there, and couldn't recall seeing blood on his hands besides the one time you visited his mother.

All your guesses and observations led you to one conclusion: a notion that made your stomach churn, but the only plausible answer to the question of what Alastor had been doing with…or instead using the body for.

Meat.

He had to be harvesting it.

Feeding body parts to himself and me as if it were regular livestock.

It made sense now why he'd neglected to buy meat on grocery store runs and insisted his hunts would bear better fruit than packaged goods, and the more you thought about the connection, the stupider you felt.

All this time, he'd been feeding you…feeding your children human flesh?

How could be so blind to it, so caught up in his charm, and fail to notice what he'd do behind your back.

You threw up every time the thought crossed your mind…

The season's cold chill mirrored the steady rage building in you as days turned into weeks.

Reaching its height by the time Christmas Eve rolled around.

Rosie and Angelique had decided to stay and help you and the twins until your health became stable again.

One woman was always at your side to help, allowing you to nurse Adonis and Antoinette in peace when needed.

In the first few days of your recovery, you didn't remember much of anything, falling in and out of sleep rapidly, but when you could stay awake for most of the day, you refused to have either child out of your sight for more than a second.

Alastor had tried once after their birth to hold them again in your presence, but you forbade Rosie from letting him in the room.

The evident hurt in his eyes when you viciously glared at him that day tore your heart to pieces, but you just couldn't bear to see him pretend everything was bright and dandy.

Like there wasn't a rotting body in the basement…

Angelique tried to soothe you both in one way or another, convincing Alastor to give you space and time, suggesting that he focus on his radio show rather than holing up in his study or going on impractical 'hunts' to cope with your anger towards him.

He took her advice well, putting on a mask for weeks on end as he carried on being New Orleans's most prominent radio star, and though the frequency of his hunts slowed, the few he did venture on were extremely bloody.

You weren't as easily swayed by her attempts to heal the rift between you and Alastor.

Barely eating or sleeping for quite a while, afraid to close your eyes and replay the bloody memory he'd caused, and overtly protective of the twins as a result.

However, eating and neglecting rest didn't last only a short time.

Both factors affected your productivity as a new mother and healing stage.

You eventually took Amgelique's advice, eating your meals in total, resting more, and enjoying your children's presence.

They were quite the duo.

They were generally quiet babies but incredibly active when not asleep.

You took pride in nursing them, fleeting Rosie holding one while you fed the other, both of you cooing at their gentle mannerisms.

Your mood improved drastically by Christmas Eve, the strength to walk around the house without helpfully given back to you, and the pain in your head significantly lessened.

Jovial as ever, you took slow and sure steps to leave the stuffy room, bathe and dress yourself, and be drawn out by the smell of delicious food being made downstairs.

You could hear Rosie playing with the twins, her soft laughter wafting through the house as two other voices lingered under it.

You nearly turned back to the room, recognizing Alastors voice, grimacing as he laughed at something his mother had said, but after a few calming self-reflective breaths, you continued down the winding staircase.

Rosie was the first to spot you, dressed in a simple red and green evening gown, ready to celebrate the night.

You almost envied her vitality, opting for a simple white and red dress and a large red bow to hold your hair up in an elegant pin style.

She gasped softly as you descended the last few steps, halting her hand that tenderly swayed your children's bassinet.

"You're up! Oh, how wonderful…you look lovely, my dear!"

She rushed to hug you, careful not to squeeze you too tight, as a small giggle left you:

"I'm still finding my bearings, but thanks to you and Angelique, I feel much better."

Rosie took hold of your hands in both silk-gloved ones, leading you into the warmly lit parlor.

She left you to admire how beautifully decorated it was as she sat you down next to her on the sofa.

A pine tree was tucked in the corner, standing massively next to the front bay windows, decorated with fairy lights and traditional ornaments.

Garlands were hung in the same fashion, and other festive adornments covered your home's interior as far as you could see, and your heart fluttered a bit at the sight.

You usually took on decorating for the holidays. Alastor would help, of course, but you enjoyed doing it more than he did.

You expected nothing to be set out since you'd been unwell for so long…

"How'd you manage all this, Rosie?" You glanced around in awe one last time, focusing on the babbling newborns comfortably loaded in their business before you.

They reached for your hand as it lazily slid into the bassinet, warm little palms encircling your fingers, bringing comfort to you.

Rosie watched the loving exchange like a proud sister before answering your question.

"We did nothing, dear. This was all Alastors doing…"

You stiffened, glancing at her in disbelief, "All of this? By himself?"

She nodded slowly, reaching for her glass of white wine sitting on a side table.

"Mhm. I'm sure he knew how important the holiday season is to you…"

It was true.

Alastor did know how much you cared about this time of year.

It reminded you of your mother; your few memories of her were from this season, fond quips of true joy you tried to preserve by upholding her enthusiasm for all that Christmas brings.

"A cherishable, loving, pure spirit ready to start a new. Many forget that the only gift that truly matters to another person is one of understanding. Remember that, my love…never let it go.."

Her words rang in your head as your heart twisted, flashes of your memories with Alastor plaguing you.

"How is he?" you asked tentatively, not looking away from the twins as Rosie sighed, "Not well. He wants to speak to you, dear. See the children for more than a second, too. Won't you give him a chance?.."

She placed a hand on your shoulder, her expression softening as you blinked back tears.

"Rosie…I…I want to, but if he spills another lie from his mouth, I'm afraid I might lose myself to rage…"

A beat of silence hung in the air, a single tear running down your cheek as the thought of facing Alastor made you dizzy with anxiety.

"I'm grateful for your help, for his love, but you've all left me in the dark, and now that I've grown wise to it all, I can't help but wanna hate him…"

"Y/n…we- he was just trying to protect you…"

You stifled a sob, crying quietly as you nodded, "I know… Rosie. I know god damn well what Al was trying to do, but if he'd told me from the beginning, I wouldn't drive myself mad in the first place. All that talk of being devoted to me, and he turns around and lies."

You scowled at the carpeted floor, swiftly wiping your face clean before standing from thorofare with a newfound determination:

"I won't stand for it any longer, er, and thinking about it sours my mood. If you'll excuse me, I need a stiff drink…"

—————- ——————- ——————

Angelique paused in her task as you slipped into the kitchen, not saying a word to her son.

You passed her with a small smile directed only at her and her.

She returned it, picking up a stack of dishes to place on the dining room table before silently gliding out of the room.

You frowned at the loss of her company, aware she'd left hoping that you and Alastor would talk earnestly, but you had no intention of even looking his way.

Your husband felt you whisk past him to the wine cabinet, halting his focus on the pot of gumbo he was preparing to turn your way.

"Y/n," he uttered your name, a low call that made your head spin and your chest tight.

You refused to respond, pouring yourself a moderate glass of wine before taking a long sip, and as the bittersweet alcohol dissipated on your tongue, you turned to leave the area.

Alastor tried again to gain your attention, his face stoic as he reached for you.

With a bit of force, he successfully pulled you into his side. You scowled, instinctively tugging your waist from his iron grasp, but he didn't relent his hold—not once.

"Leave me be," you spat quietly, grip hardening on your wine glass and your bright eyes darkening with unbridled rage as his hazel eyes softened on you.

"I will when you let me explain myself…"

Both of his hands found your waist, shifting your reluctant body to press up against his.

You stiffened at the familiar contact, missing his embrace momentarily and slightly distracted by the warmth he emitted.

Weeks without physical touch from him felt tortuous, and you intended to endure it for a while longer, but feeling him so close if only for a moment- made your resolve less than weak.

Alastor pressed his weight against the counter, head coming to rest on your shoulder as he inhaled the scent of your perfume.

A crisp, sweet smell he missed dearly.

It was one of the many traits about you that calmed him, kept him tethered to sanity, and going weeks without breathing you in affected him nearly the same as the lack of his touch did to you.

You twisted and squirmed in his hold, growing angrier by the second as he held you still, "Alastor Hartifelt, let me go this instant-!"

You grit your teeth, hand poised to fling the wine in your glass onto him as a well-deserved deterrent, but he's quick to hold it still.

He tugs the glass from your hand, disregarding the slight spill it causes, and you gasp softly from the use of sudden strength in a simple motion.

Alastor sets the crystal glass down, taking another deep breath before speaking to you in a tone you could only describe as hollow.

"You've seen it, haven't you, darling? What takes up my time in the basement, yes? I know it must terrify you, dear. I know, but you must realize I never meant…to hurt you. Believe me when I say I kept my deeds hidden to protect you…"

Not an ounce of regret was in his words; you hadn't expected any.

Alastor was never the type to act upon something he'd despise later.

You knew him well enough to see an act of utter violence like this made sense to him in some way.

It was never the thought of him being dangerous, the thought of him being murderous, or prone to aggression that had angered you.

He hid it like you hadn't stood by his side through the worst times.

The secret he kept wasn't horrific for its brutality but disgraceful in its relevance to your love for him.

"Protect me?.." you grimaced, looking into his eyes with burning rage, "What about trusting me. To hell with why you kill. It's a matter of you hiding such a secret from me in the first place. I am your wife, your equal, and yet you lied to me as if I were a mere child! A pet you could put in a cage and show off but never bond with…"

The anger slowly left your tone, gaze softening on his amber eyes, "I understand you don't care much for the term 'love' and call what we have can’t exist without us fully trusting in the one another. That is why I am angry with you. That is why I've distanced myself, Alastor. Nothing more. Nothing less."

You lowered your head, feeling a tad dramatic but glad to have said what was on your mind.

Alastor pursed his lips in deep thought for a moment, but soon, his deep laughter resonated around the room.

Your head snapped up at the sound, one brow lifted in pure confusion as he chuckled heartily, "And what's so funny now?" You tutted in frustration, prepared to drench him in wine again, but you thought better of it as his laughter died.

"It's just that…" he paused, staring into your curious eyes as they took in his lazy smile, "I seem to have forgotten why I fell for you in the first place, sweetheart."

Alastor's grin grew as your expression hardened, "What does that have to do with this conversation-"you began to become livid again until his large hands cupped your rounded cheeks gently.

You froze as the gentle contact warmed your skin, focus paper thin as he leaned in close enough for your noses to touch, "My darling doe, you have never betrayed me once. In all our time together, your faith in me has never wavered. I've killed for you more times than I can count, but that could never amount to the love you hold for me. Even after discovering my darkest sin, you look upon me gracefully… my wife, my angel, you are truly curious to a man."

His sentiments muddled your thoughts, every sweet word true, holding an edge of obsession.

Your heart fluttered hearing them, the sharpness in his eyes reinforcing their weight.

You gulped gently as he brushed his lips over your parted ones, teasing a kiss you weren't ready to give.

"I must've been mistaken when I belittled my love for you in the sense of devotion…."

His eyes drifted half closed as you hummed in delight, feeling his heavy breaths fan your mouth.

Whiskey and twinge of sweetness rolled off his tongue, an inviting mixture you didn't dare to forget, "Then correct yourself," you muttered in response in hopes of reliving your craving for him.

Alastor struggled to surpass his smirk as you raised your hands to rest over his, gingerly pressing your nails into his skin and shivering at the familiar roughness it had.

"How do you suggest I do that, dear. I've caused you quite a lot of trouble, and there's only so much a man can do."

His teasing stirred heat in your core, a sensation you hadn't felt in weeks and thoroughly missed.

"First, you'll swear to never…never lie to me again. No matter the circumstances."

He hummed lowly, eyeing the low-hanging ruffle sleeves of your dress as they inched downward the more you pressed into him.

"You have my word, ma chere."

The response was automatic on his part, driven by the soft whine you let out as one of his hands shifted to knead your hip.

The gesture brought your lower half closer to his, leaving no space between you, but as distracting as it was, you continued on with your demands.

"You won't ever feed me or our children human meat again…without my explicit permission."

Alastor frowned for a moment but agreed nonetheless, "Alright."

You nodded, inhaling sharply shortly after as his hand gently tugged your dress skirt.

It would be right to swat him away and restrict his touch from you a bit longer, but the instant his fingertips brushed the skin of your thigh, you couldn't help but blush and bit back a whine.

"A-and you'll never put yourself, this family, our life together…in harm's way. Promise me, you'll continue to be discreet Alastor…"

The urge to moan gripped you entirely as his touch burned your bare skin, only silenced by the immediate kiss he allowed you before muttering sincerely, "You have my word, darling…"

You shuddered at his oath, knowing he meant every word, pouring his intent to keep it through the exchange of heated kisses that ensued after.

You held onto him tight, trying to remain as quiet as possible as his tongue found yours, forcing it to obey his lead and his hands roaming your body for the same sign of submission.

You gave in effortlessly, head tilting back as he marked your neck, gently pricking your skin with his teeth, gliding his tongue over the most minor bruises he left.

A wave of shivers captured you, disorienting and intensifying with Alastor's every move.

Your hands gripped his broad shoulders, bracing yourself for him to inevitably lift you onto his waist, but the action never occurred.

The sound of Rosie's quick footsteps approaching and her distinct singing song calling of your names made you both separate.

Alastor yanked your dress down quickly, clearing his throat with a cheeky grin while you hid your face in his chest out of slight embarrassment as the blonde glided into the kitchen.

"Mrs. Hartifelt wants to know if the gumbo is ready, Al. How's it coming along, hm?" She chirped cheerfully, pretending not to notice your bright red, blushing face hidden in his embrace.

"Oh, it's just about done, my dear. Just had to give it another taste test, right here?"

You stared up at him in awe as he brought a hand to your left cheek, gliding his thumb over your heated skin, lovingly and intently staring back at you.

"Isn't that right, chere," Alastor asked once more, enjoying the nervousness in your gaze as you nodded in jaded agreement, "That's right, Rosie.." you muttered dreamily, too focused on your husband to catch her knowing smirk before she hummed in understanding while sashaying back into the parlor.

"Mrs. Hartifelt, Al says it's coming along well!" Rosie shouts in delight as she leaves you both alone, accentuating the phrase's double meaning to the older lady tending to her new grandchildren in the warmly lit parlor room.

Both women's smirks grew wildly, hearing you giggle amid Alastor's flirtatious teasing moments later.

"Seems it is," Angelique mumbled assuredly as Rosie sat beside her, admiring the tiny humans smiling in their sleep.

Christmas Eve wouldn't be so dim after all…

xxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Whew…..you all okay after this? No? Too bad it gets better then way worse… A real Shakespearean tragedy/romance. IM TAKING MY ASS TO BED NOW GOOD NIGHT 😴

TAGS ❤️: @rapturenyx @michi-keinz @shealizxx @nissrinina @destinyisastar @bubblegumheartsy @sailorsmouth @aestheticgals-blog @rameisa @ellesette @gasiacos @marvelgirl123 @dinosaur-crime-scene

[ BONUS CONTENT + ]

Did you fall more in love with him seeing this? I certainly did…Credit to creator ❤️

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel alastor #alastor #alastor hazbin hotel #alastor hartfelt #human alastor #alastor x reader #alastor headcanons #alastor fanfiction #hazbin hotel headcanon #alastor smut #alastor fluff #hazbin alastor #alastor x oc

[completeoveranalysis]

[6]

I love that once again Watanuki is expressing his affection and care for someone by cooking them food, especially now that he knows that it’s real and makes a difference

I EXTRA love that Doumeki is getting in on it too, and not only remembering what the bento had inside it but suggesting the ingredients that might help.

TEAM WORK

THEY WILL BRAINSTORM A RECIPE TO SAVE KOHANE TOGETHER

I’M SURE IT WILL ALL BE FINE

A BENTO WILL DEFINITELY FIX THIS

#Oh last page? Last page. #I'm so anxious about the end of this story arc #what ever happens next I'm going to have a TIME I'm sure #not liveblogging the reservoir chronicle #xxxholic #xxxholic 78 #Watanuki #Doumeki #Kohane #Tag yourself bento edition I'm a hotdog person

[lunarharp]

"Found out" set in kind of a made-up chapter where the girls are in trouble, or something.

#witch hat tag #orufrey #i hate having a strong cinematic image in your mind for months..working hours on it..& at the end looking you have to be like “Sure. :/" #i'm especially unsatisfied with the beginning and the end and how i can't get eyebrows to work as i want #but i dont care any more... this is probably the comic that has given me the most trouble ever i just dont care #i barely even care whatsoever if anyone even sees this..Ugh..but at least i can move on to the next era now #i'm just annoyed i cant get out good enough my image of qifrey flinching bc he thinks oru will hit him but then he is not hit #i feel like sensei will do something along these lines. i want to see what she will do. #there are also other variations i have in my mind. i just want to know #i just don't want it to happen with qifrey on his deathbed or something. but it possibly will. I DONT EVEN KNOW. #i have another very cinematic image in my mind for something sort of along those lines which i will do soon. it never ends... #btw after this is probably my fics. yeah.... i think it has to be my fics. jasmine sort of goes along these lines #i need that space for dialogue. look - i'm a writer. this is HARD for me. so i am really glad i had the space and freedom of words #to process all the feelings. but i tried to get something out in a quick visual space too. <- me defending myself to myself at cai court #anyway going along the lines of 'Jasmine' - they talk this out and argue and cry and oru pushes the hat at him and tells him #why not just erase every memory i have of you then. That would be easier for us all wouldn't it? #they kiss and sob and kiss and lie outside in the flowers for many hours in that one. and then there's 'Deep End' where it turns out #way way way way more time and words is needed for this actually and that's upsetting for everyone. #the destruction of the hat is certainly another path to take. Can you make this work without that hat going up in flames? #something you have always had and have been clinging to will have to be destroyed. You have to lose something now. This is the crux qifrey #I CANT GET IT OUT IN ONE COMIC!!! I CANT DRAW IT OUT!!!! I NEEDED THOSE FICS!!!! PRAISE WORDS!!!! whatever im going to have dinner now

[musical-chick-13]

.

#idk it's just really frustrating to think that people will ALWAYS make allowances for people they're romantically in love with but #not make those same allowances for someone else they otherwise care about. #that people will risk things for their partners that they wouldn't for their friends #that it's EXPECTED for you to prioritize your spouse/significant other/etc. at all times but prioritizing your friend(s) is rarely even #considered. and when you're like me and you LITERALLY CANNOT DO THIS SHIT BY YOURSELF... #like I know I go on and on about marrying some theoretical woman all the time (and my ongoing...whatever this is. with Musician Guy) #but genuinely I'm not even sure that I want that I think I just want someone who will fucking visit me in the hospital if I get into a car #crash or fix me soup when I'm sick. #like...yeah. in that one story I wrote I think I distilled it down: we all just want someone to hold us when we're sad #and it SUCKS that the only avenue we seem to be allowed to pursue that is through a romantic relationship #right now I have my dad but if something happens to him...I genuinely do not know what I'm going to do. I'll have nowhere to go #if something terrible happens. I'll have no one to help me be a person. and I just. like I really am going to just have to power through #the next 60 years on this fucking planet alone and by god I'll fucking do it but I wish I didn't have to!!!! #and I think this was why the loss of Her™ friendship (which was necessary. for both of us) was so acutely painful. because even after #she got married she WAS willing to prioritize me when things got bad enough. she DID genuinely care about me in a way I don't think #anyone ever has. and I just really don't think I'll ever find that ever again. and I can't go back and I don't WANT to be with her anymore #but it was this time of the year when she told me she was getting married way back when and my brain has kept that like the World's Worst #Anniversary and all of those terrible ugly feelings are coming back in full force and I HATE that I'm still unpacking this I. HATE. that #this not-even-relationship is STILL doing this to me #WHAT THE FUCK!!! IS UP WITH THAT!!!!!! #*sigh* okay for REAL I am logging off right now because I've already said Too Many Embarrassing Personal Things about myself today #and I do not want to put myself in a position to say anymore! #In the Vents #GOD this is so stupid IT'S NOT LIKE SOMEBODY DIED WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS

[sanguith]

i'm glad i decided to try out a ketosis diet again (aka changing my metabolism to basically only use ketone bodies made from fatty acids for energy by reducing carb intake to max 20g/day) for a few weeks because it was a neat experiment but i'm also glad I decided to stop because now i get to enjoy life's greatest fucking simplest yet finest delicacy: mashed potatoes/sweet potatoes with melted butter and salt. i cannot understand how i could live without that. just. vegetables. keto has opened my eyes to new ways to cook foods and experiment with ingredients but i don't think i can live without carbs. i doubt that the majority of people could. also have you any idea how much good simple near-zero effort food there is out there like holy gosh darn in heaven. i don't have to spend hours cooking something to have a nice meal

#food mention #diets #actually anything carb with butter and salt. how can it be so good. call me a lazy goob but i once just microwaved corn and butter #added salt. and it was the most delicious fuckin thing ive ever eaten #i've done low-carb in the past and tried keto a few times and always it felt so great after the keto flu disappeared after a few days #but this time the keto flu did not go away. i felt so weak and awful but at the same time i had less brain fog. and never felt hungry. #but it was werid. i think it might have been because i've been kinda high carb for the last few years and the change was so strong & sudden #also electrolyte imbalances can happen on keto if you're not careful. it's complex. #anyway it got me to eat a bit healthier like (almost) completely avoiding processed foods and unnaturally high sugary stuff #which i just want to generally avoid for personal health reasons which is a whole can of worms but i just dont want to overindulge #sure i can eat an entire bag of candies or chips in an evening if i feel like it but I *feel* my body just being like “nooo” and sure enoug #the next morning i do feel a little bit extra like shit #and another thing: i think i benefit from abrupt diet changes now and then. it feels natural in a way. ye olde scavenger hunter genetics #ya know. our nomadic ancestors would probably have to do that a lot when things weren't year-round available #sometimes only meat for months on end in cold seasons/areas #sometimes basically only plants and nuts roots and seeds and stuff #it's actually remarkable how human metabolism can adapt so much depending on what's available to eat #sometimes fasting for days when food was just nowhere to be found. #i'm not saying “stress your metabolic system it's good for you'” (it probably isnt) just idk. mixing it up a bit at least works for me #btw disclaimer i HATE the whole thing about diet-pressuring and some people claiming that certain diets will solve everything #it doesn't solve all health problems magically. ”"”superfoods“”“ are not a 100% faultless scientifically proven thing. #shit like ''the paleo diet is the number one key to optimal health without medications!!'' no. shut. #on the other hand i do believe diets can help a bit like a nudge. it's just one factor out of many that affects how we feel #ANYWAY conclusion: eat what you want. do what feels right for you. find your own ways to make the food you eat help your health a bit #or don't! be yourself! love yourself! #the chosen method is gonna be different for everybody #but from now on im gonna try and eat as close to natural unprocessed foods as I can in this day and age. it feels right for me somehow. #i think *my* preferred method/diet whatever is to mainly eat natural unprocessed foods and to mix it up a bit now and then with change #for that sweet ''METABOLIC ADAPTATION'' perk that feels good for me #(why did this post become so long. nobody cares. anyway i don't care if nobody cares. i care. *I* care!!! wooopp)

[laurelwinchester]

sorry i've been mia and not responding much to replies or messages. i'm really unwell right now and last night got so bad i almost had to go to the emergency room. which sucks because i've been waiting for today for months because i have a fic to post but that's just not going to happen. hopefully next week i guess.

#long story short i think my doctor tried to mercy kill me by poisoning me with iron supplements #i mean sure obviously that's not what happened but i am so so so angry right now #i'm not sure i've ever been this angry in my life #she knows that not only do supplements do nothing for me but they make me extremely sick #she knows this #but giving me iv infusions inconveniences them because of my fucked up veins #so she gave me supplements #i told her no but she said i had to try before i could get infusions #and so i have been sick for fucking months #every time i told her this she was like 'oh yeah that happens with iron supplements keep taking them and the side effects will wear off' #so i did and it all ended with me spending hours lying on my couch screaming and crying in pain #until i finally managed to vomit them up #and now today i have the worst migraine #i get that this is partially my fault for taking them when i knew i shouldn't have #but i'm just...so fucking angry #i trusted my doctor and i told her everything i was supposed to tell her and she failed me #i am so fucking angry and in so much pain #next appointment is on the 26th and i'm going to have to beg her to actually help me this time #let's hope it works #personal