#whatever it takes to get u to decenter men I literally do not care

[fite-club]

do u have advice for trans men who have been ensnared in the ideology of transandrophobia? I've found it often targets young insecure trans men who are worried about their voices being heard and haven't really experienced transition or trans community before. I myself was caught in it for a while when I was really depressed. They have a way of weaponizing trans grief and especially transmasculine pain and oppression to draw in vulnerability trans boys. Just my own observations from being In It for a bit. If it helps at all to chip in my own two cents, the thing that helped me the most was the first time I defended a trans woman and literally every transandrobro in my 'community' turned on me and told me I was protecting The Enemy. It was definitely a wakeup call to realize that they didn't actually care about good faith or engaging with transfems intellectually, they inherently believed themselves incapable of fault. Just. Engaging with trans women on an honest and personal level. Taking the time to learn more about the humanity of the trans women these men are maligning. But what are yr thoughts

i've made a few posts about it before but basically that's also been my observation; that these communities prey on insecurities and fears of trans guys who (for whatever reason) feel isolated from the community at large. it's why i don't blame anyone for getting trapped in those circles. validating pain can be cathartic, but spiraling into despair about "trans infighting" can be toxic, and you often don't realize how toxic until it's too late. i feel like i should point out that this is something that happens when it comes to cis men and misogyny, too-- a decent man might defend his friends for making sexist jokes because they're "just jokes", only to realize after hearing something clearly hateful towards women that "oh, shit, this guy wasn't just joking, i'm never hanging out with him again". plenty of transandrophobia truthers will say "none of us actually think misandry is real, none of us actually think transmasc issues are transfems' fault" but only because they haven't heard it yet.

and i agree that the best way to get these guys to change their mindsets is for them to humanize transfems the way that they humanize transmascs. i know it's not possible for everyone to meet up with other lgbt people IRL, but the trans women in these discussions aren't hypothetical, they have faces and lives. they are real people who are allowed to talk about the issues they've faced and the experiences they've had. they are allowed to get angry and upset and disappointed in their community just like these guys're saying transmascs are allowed to get. and as tumblr users supposedly understand, you can learn quite a lot by sitting down and shutting up and listening to the people who experience a different, arguably worse kind of oppression than you

[possibilistfanfiction]

hey can I get some advice, if you have any? my friend is getting married and im invited, but I have no ideia what to wear. I'm afab, non binary, and pretty much closeted in all the ways that matter; I've been wearing men's clothes exclusively for a few years, but I only ever get read as female. I'm 26 and have avoided all family weddings so far in huge part because of formal wear, bc I would die if I had to wear a dress but I (so far) have not been brave enough to try wearing a suit, but this friend is the first of the friend group to get married and she actually wants me there (as opposed to getting invited by cousins and such just bc we're related) and I want to be there to support her. do you have any experience in choosing formal wear? in my place, what would you wear? is it better to go to a shop and risk them refusing to give me a mens suit or try to get something online and risk a bad fit? help!

there’s great suiting for dfab people that u can get either online or in store, depending on where u live. i don’t think you’ll get smth that fits horribly as long as you take ur measurements beforehand, plus most places have size consultants. wildfang has cool suits, they’re a little less formal (which can be great!) but easy to dress up/down & in the future wear as separates. kirrin finch is a little pricier but they make beautiful clothes for masc dfab ppl. both have a p decent size range. sharpe suiting & bindle and keep both do like GORGEOUS custom suits, but they’re expensive & u have to book in advance, so that might not be the vibe for this outing.

in store stuff, i actually rly like theory & all saints; theory is expensive but they have all kinds of different womens cuts, so u don’t actually need a mens suit, although like… no one will rly care if u go try one on? for me, either dfab specific menswear or just andro womenswear fits better, so i’ve stopped worrying abt that & just gone for fit. for less formal, cos & oak+fort have some cool co-ord options that could be fun, esp for a summer wedding. bigger department stores like nordstrom will also have a ton of options across price points

i also think an amazing option is to go to a thrift store, especially if you have a queer one in ur area (out of the closet!). they’ll have lots of options that aren’t too expensive, & will be able to help you find stuff.

& then finally, tailor it! tailoring isn’t that expensive at all (tailoring a suit will probably be under $50) & it’s so easy to make ur clothes fit the way u want them to!

also i will say — i actually hate full suits for myself, they’re way too masc for me & i just. never in my life do i rly wanna wear one lol. i like a good tuxedo pant & an expensive tee & a cashmere cardigan or smth, & i also have a few semiformal & formal kurtas to wear to stuff bc my wife is desi, so sometimes those make more sense & are fun n cute. if a full suit feels like too much, u can wear rly nice stuff that isn’t quite as masc or quite as formal, & it’s (arguably) even more in fashion rn

so just yknow whatever ur vibes are, there rly are so many options. have fun w it! clothes are supposed to be fun! definitely don’t let being scared of formalwear have u miss a wedding u wanna go to, i swear literally nothing is that deep lol

[larentsaloud]

What irks me a lot about many on screen couples it’s that most of them fall in love with the idea of that person, not the person themselves (looking at you Gorya for “falling in love” with Ren for doing the bare minimum and something a decent human being would do, that is defend or intervene when someone is getting bullied🤨) and that’s also why I like the building up towards a romantic relationship with Thyme that the show is presenting, he took time to get to know and listen Gorya, her family situation and dynamic, her boundaries, wishes and opinions (confronting him about the red card for example) understanding where her moral compass stands at and where it comes from (at least a bit from interacting with her family and seeing her standing up against his bullying and other schoolmates bullying). So like he said it’s not about her physical appearance or social/economical position, it’s about the person that she is not an idea of who thought Gorya was (that’s why I love whenever he says “Gorya it’s Gorya”).

Add to that he’s thoughtful and romantic (anyone can fight me on this but I think he’s making progress on the romance department, he’s after all, still learning about love in a healthy manner) towards Gorya bringing her medicine, dining with her family and being conscious about his behavior and manners during the dinner, I’ll add more but this is already too long ;-;

And omg that episode when he said to his friend to show Gorya some respect?? I may be reaching too much (🥲) but that to me showed that, whilst yes he forced her to go on a date, Gorya ended up showing up herself and decided to stick around with him. Saying to show her some respect makes me think that Thyme thinks of Gorya as an active participant in their relationship not an object (Tho that line in the new trailer that said “You’re just a boy who doesn’t like to share his toys” makes me ache for whatever will happen that’ll trigger that response)

Sorry for the long ass asks 😭 wrecker anon again. Your answer to the previous ask really set me up to change my perspective on Ren but I’ve got class so I’ll respond u later, thanks for reading let alone answering this <33 (also english is not my mother tongue so excuse my grammar errors 🥺)

hi wrecker anon,

sorry it took me so long to respond, I am on GMT so things take time here LOL. I slept. 🌚

your point about falling in love with someone for who they are and not the idea of them is a very important distinction. you see it happen a lot in dramas and tv shows, a guy / girl will spot 'the one' getting croissants down the street and they decide that from the five second encounter they are in love. I mean I have done it myself plenty of times, and it hardly ever works out well.

most love at first sight is literally lust LOL.

actually meaningful relationships develop just as you described it, though growing together and learning about each other and respecting each other's boundaries and challenging one another.

the way Thyme responds to Gorya is a testament to his inner ability to be shaped by the one he loves. perhaps he has always possessed that trait, and she just happens to strike the right chord.

or maybe it's destiny. (the writers wrote it like that lmao)

I am not a fan of lemme change a man real quick brb trope, because it indicates that the woman is responsible for teaching a man how to become a better person - which men should just learn to do themselves LOL. but in reality when we are involved with someone we care about, healthy people compromise and adapt.

relationship is choosing that person daily, choosing to be with them, being faithful etc. the commitment stuff and trust is what makes it strong.

Gorya literally has a crush on someone Ren who treats her better than the average school person, aka doing the bare minimum - which is the exact opposite of what is happening to Thyme, he has a crush on someone who treats him abhorrently as a result of his own actions, someone who rebels, someone who isn't afraid to be his opponent - in direct contrast how other people behave towards him.

so on one hand we have smitten Gorya with the illusion of who Ren might be, while she is actually spending time with Thyme and bickers her way into love.

pretty cool huh?

and yeah, Thyme is romantic in an obnoxious way. kind of like he hired a bus, abducted her to give her make over and wrap her in diamonds and pearls, LOL and gifted her a car. funny boi. eventually he takes it down a notch and downgrades the dating circus to public date proposal, showing up at her parents kind of courting. he is learning. slowly. 🔥

suppose his low key romantic gestures are still outrageous AF, but he is the most dramatic straight person in love I have seen LOL. normally I expect this sort of brave gay energy from BL, but Thyme is like spitting rainbows and unicorns while trying to catch his Gorya and find though trial and error what makes her click. less is more baby.

I think what makes him endearing to the point it's cute is his ability to be so innocent when one expects him to be adult or sexy, but it's in those instances he becomes a melting soft puppy in love.

like when he cradled Gorya's head into his lap, his hand trembled or when he swept fluff from her hair, she dead ass thought he was going to kiss her, and lemme tell you my girl was not looking almost disappointed when he did not LMAO. or the classic shook look from Gorya when he grabbed her cheeks in the palm of his hand whispering 'let me do this for you'. dear gawd. earth shattering.

#wrecker anon #wrote this while listening to Miley Cyrus #f4 #f4 thailand #f4 thailand: boys over flowers #thyme the obnoxious romantic #illusions vs reality #love is love and gorya is gorya #sigh #miss them already

[joneswuzhere]

hello join me in thinking about some books and authors that are, or might be, part of s5′s intertextuality

5.10 in particular offered specific shout outs, and also u know i’m always wondering what might be ahead so i have some ideas on that:

- first, as mentioned in a previous ask post, i know i wasn’t alone in keeping an eye out for 5.10 parallels to the lost weekend (1945) the film that gave episode 1.10 its name and several themes - or to the 1944 book by charles r jackson which the film is based on

- s5 has not been shy about revisiting earlier seasons, especially s1. altho i feel that 1.10′s parallels to the lost weekend centered characters other than jughead (mostly betty), a 1.10-5.10 connection involving jughead and themes from jackson’s story (addiction, writers block, self reflection) seemed v possible if not inevitable

- but like,, , for a hot minute after the ep, i was really stumped on understanding how anything from the book or film could apply, even tho the pieces were almost all there

- jackson’s protagonist don birnam goes thru and comes out the other side of a harrowing days-long drinking binge that could be compared to jughead’s one-night hallucinogenic writing retreat

- but jughead is struggling primarily with traumatic memories, not addiction and self control like birnam. and tho drinking activates birnam’s creativity, it paralyzes his writing as he gets lost in fantasies; he’s never published anything. jughead’s drug trip recreates circumstances that already helped him write one successful book. even the rat that startles him mid-high doesn’t line up with birnam’s withdrawal vision of a dying mouse, symbolic of his horror at his own self-destruction thru alcohol

- and maybe the most visible discordance: in the film there’s a romantic motif around a typewriter. first it’s an object of shame; birnam’s failure to write, tied up with his drinking, makes him flee his relationship. he tries to pawn the typewriter for booze money and finally a gun when shooting himself feels easier than getting sober. but with the help of relentless encouragement from girlfriend helen, he quits drinking, commits to her, and focuses on typing out the story he’s dreamt of writing. rd goes so far to avoid setting any comparable scenario that jughead has brought a wholeass printer into the bunker so there can still be a physical manuscript to cover in blood by the end, even without his own typewriter. the subtle detail of his laptop bg image is a little less noticeable than his avoidance of betty’s gift

- tabitha might be closer to a parallel than jughead is, but she’s still no helen. both refuse to take advantage of the inebriated men in their care, but birnam takes advantage of helen, financially and emotionally. jughead refused a loan from the tate family and now has resolved to deal with his shit before he considers a relationship with tabitha. instead of helen’s relentless and unwelcomed attempts to get birnam sober, tabitha reluctantly agrees to help jughead trip safely bondage escape notwithstanding. she even helps him get the drugs.

- whatever potentials exist for parallels to jackson’s story, they were not explored for this episode. ok so why tf am i even talking about this? what was there instead?

-  i have arrived at the point

- s5 has been revisiting s1, not directly but with a twist. and jughead’s agent samm pansky is back. u may recall, pansky is named for sam lansky

- jughead’s trip-thru-trauma is a story device tapped straight from lansky’s book ‘broken people’

- lansky is like if a millenial john rechy wrote extremely LA-flavored meta but just about himself no jk very like a modern successor to charles r jackson. both play with the boundary between memoir and fiction. lansky is gay; jackson wrote his lost weekend counterpart as closeted and remained closeted himself until only a few years before his death. both write with emotional clarity and self-scrutiny on the experiences of addiction, sobriety, and the surrounding issues of shame and self worth

- i feel like a fool bc after this ep i had been thinking about de quincey and his early writings on addiction (c.1800s), but i failed to carry the thought in the other direction, to contemporary writers in the genre, to make this connection sooner

- lansky’s second book, broken people, follows narrator ‘sam’, mid-20s, super depressed, hastled by his agent to write a decent follow-up to his first book, but too busy struggling with his self-worth and baggage from several past relationships. desperate, he takes up an offer to visit a new age shaman who promises to fix everything wrong with him in a matter of days. not to over simplify it but he literally spends a weekend doing psychedelics and hallucinating about his exes. jughead took note

- unless u want me to hurl myself into yet another dissertation about queer jughead, i think his parallel to sam - who, unlike jughead, has considerable financial privilege and whose anxieties center on body dysmorphia, hiv scares, and his own self-centeredness - pretty much ends there

- But,, the gist of the book could not be more harmonius with a major theme shared by the 2 films that inform the actual hallucination part of jughead’s bunker scene: mentally reframing past relationships to get closure + confronting trauma head-on in order to move forward

- so that’s neat. what other book and author stuff was in 5.10?

- stephen king and raymond carver get name dropped. i’m passingly familiar with them both but u bet i just skimmed their wiki bios in case anything relevant jumped out

- like jughead, carver was a student (later a lecturer) at the iowa writers workshop. also the son of an alcoholic and one himself

- i recall carver’s ‘what we talk about when we talk about love’ is what jughead was reading in 2.14 ‘the hills have eyes’ after he finds out about the first time betty kissed archie (at that time he does not respond as would any of carver’s characters)

- this collection of carver stories deals especially with infidelity, failings of communication, and the complexities and destructiveness of love. to unashamedly quote the resource that is course hero, ‘carver renders love as an experience that is inherently violent bc it produces psychic and emotional wounds.’ very fun to wonder about the significance of this collection within the s2 episode and in jughead’s thoughts. and maybe now in the context of the s5 state of relationships. or, at least, the state of jughead’s writing as seen by his agent

- anyway pansky doesn’t want carver, he wants stephen king

- i have too much to say about gerald’s game in 5.10, that’s getting its own post someday soon

- lol wait king’s wife is named tabitha uhhh king’s wiki reminded me of his childhood experience that possibly inspired his short story ‘the body’ (+1986 movie ‘stand by me’) when he ‘apparently witnessed one of his friends being struck and killed by a train tho he has no memory of the event’

- no mention of that in this rd episode but memories of a train could be interesting to consider with the imagery that intrudes on jughead’s hallucination. i still feel like it was a truck but the lights and sounds he experiences may be a train

- ok now we’re in the speculation part of today’s segment

- if jughead’s traumatic memory involves trains, then it’s possible this plot will take influence from la bête humaine <- this 1938 movie is based on the 1890 novel by french writer émile zola. this story deals with alcoholism and possessive jealousy in relationships, sometimes leading to murder. huh, kind of like carver. zola def comes down on the nature side of the nature-vs-nuture bad seed question (tho i should say he approaches this with great or maybe just v french compassion). also i can’t tell if this is me reaching but, something about la bête humaine reminds me of king’s ‘secret window’ which we’ve observed to be at least a style influence on jughead post time jump

- but wow a late-19th century french writer would be a random thing to drop into this season, right? then again zola also wrote about miners, which we’ve learned are an important part of this town’s history + whatever hiram is up to this time.  and most notably, zola wrote ‘j’accuse...!’ an open letter in defense of a soldier falsely accused and unlawfully jailed for treason: alfred dreyfus. archie’s recent army trouble comes to mind.

- since the introduction of old man dreyfuss (plausibly Just a nod to close encounters actor richard dreyfuss, but also when is anything in this show Just one thing) i’ve been wondering if these little things could add up to a season-long reference to zola’s writings. but i had doubts and didn’t want to speak on it too soon bc, u know, it’s weird but is it weird enough for riverdale??

- however,,,

- (come on, u knew where i was going with this)

- a24′s film zola just came out. absolutely no relation to the french writer, it’s not based on a book but an insane and explicit twitter thread by aziah ‘zola’ wells about stripping and? human trafficking?? this feels ripe for rd even outside the potentials here for the lonely highway/missing girls plot.

- that would add up to a combination of homage that feels natural to this show

- anyway pls understand i’m just having fun speculating, most of this is based on nothing more concrete than the torturous mental tendril ras has hooked into my skull pls let go ras pls let go

#accompanying image has no meaningful organization it's just there to make me look insane. enjoy #riverdale speculation #filmref #but books #adhd has me like. this is Not the post i've been trying to write for weeks but my brain gave me no choice

[whencallstheheart]

We’ll find out tonight if our predictions are correct! 

Responses to the written questions are under the cut.

Where is Ned and what is he doing?

No idea

Business trip

Dealing with some financial issues.

Doing business in UC or Hamilton. Nothing major

He stayed behind next episode and will be back in the finale.

I think planning something for Florence, maybe expansion for the mercantile?

I don't know

I have no idea, wth!?!?

Yo i have no idea. I'm gonna take a wild guess and say he's trying to contact Florence's daughter who wasnt there for the wedding

Maybe he's visiting his daughter? Or expanding the Mercantile somehow

With Mike. Oil pipeline

Hiding

It sure

I have no clue honestly, maybe planning a surprise for Florence?

Perhaps...expanding his store? Or ordering something new to begin to be shipped to his.

something related to factory

Sussing out suppliers

Maybe something to do with the Wyman guy?

visiting his daughter

Buying a new house or a surprise for Florence

Visiting Abigail

Planning something special for Florence

He is doing something with his daughter

No clue

With his daughter

Planning to expand the mercantile to include deliveries (Hope Valley Amazon) lol

Not sure

I really dont know!

Made out a Will since he now is married to Florence

Business in Union City

Business, but he’ll be back

I don’t Know

I dont know. This one threw me!

Literally have no idea

maybe he will come back with his daughter who will come to live at HP

some sweet surprise/gift for Florence

He is involved im some growth in HV.

Taking care of business.

He's making a business deal somewhere

I have no idea. I think it was a weird to put in o.O

Making purchases for the store.

Business stuff somewhere

I don't know

i don't know

ned things

He just took the long way home...

Adopting Flo's son

Hiding

He is picking up a surprise order gift for Florence, and it’s taking longer than expected.

Fighting attempt to take over mercantile

Talking to a divorce lawyer. Or putting a pillow over Abigail's mom's face so she can bury her already and come back to Hope Valley for his buddy Henry's sake.

Honestly I’m not sure but interested to find out!

Idk honestly. Probably actually doing something sweet for Florence but she doesn't know it.

What's up with the Pinkertons?

Not sure

A storyline to bring a change of pace to the show.

I really Don’t know

Not sure, but I don’t think it will be resolved this season, maybe it’s the cliffhanger?

I don't know

They’re hired thugs like they were in S1, just there to show Walden is a bad guy despite appearances

Factory related

Up to no good! Don’t trust them.

Yo i dont even know. They look totally sketch but they are probably the good guys actually. I'm predicting they are after someone who's been wanted for a long time. I think it may be too easy to link them with the guy who took Jesse and Clara's money

Not sure yet

Working for Waldon

Railroad

Sneakily buying land

I couldn't care less about them

Perhaps something is in the cabin/someone they don't want found.

No idea

Something to do with the mine disaster (even though it's been ages).

we will see in season 9

Setting up a good storyline for season 9

Not sure maybe something to do with the new factory that might be built

Maybe it has to do with Henry

I have no idea, but I do not like them!

No good

Buying all the land

They have Jesse. Someone wants to reopen the mine and seek revenge on Elizabeth for his son going to jail (Spurlock).

Looking for some kind of hidden good

Shady dealings going on

Guarding the future factory site. But something extra at the cabin connected with Spurlock.

Trouble

?

An even bigger I dont know on this one. Like, what in the world???

Holding Jesse captive

I think they kidnapped Jesse because he found out what they were up to but I have no idea what that is

stumped on this one

That is difficult. He is apparently connected to S1 Spurlock. Is he there for revenge? Or, just a heavy hand like his relative?

Revenge? They want to take over Hope Valley.

Something sketchy, probably bigger than just whatever is going on with the cabin though.

Land grab

No clue but they'll be one of the big bads next season

They are probably the goons of the Industry dude

They are working for somebody bigger.

They want to take over the town

I don't know

i'm worried about Nathan

idk they are the bad daddys of the season

they can only be there to cover up a crime, or some valuable find

No clue

They’re wanting to uproot Hope Valley for better business by destroying the town.

Keeping identity of mastermind safe from townspeople.

Maybe looking for Ned, who alternatively is a serial killer and now on the run. Possibly for the murder of Abigail's mother?

I’m so confused lol

Creating a monopoly & doing some villain nonsense (as it would seem the show is hinting).

Any other thoughts going into the finale?

No

There will be at least one surprise- not sure what

There are too many loose ends to tie up in one episode and I just want Elizabeth and Nathan together (and perhaps quickly married in this episode!)

I’m honestly really nervous, I’m rooting for Nathan but I have a feeling she’ll go for Lucas, I really don’t mind Lucas as a character but like what storylines can they do with them as a couple? The manuscript is finished, they’ve gone on every sort of date at this stage and she’s been in his office. What else can they do? With Nathan they can do the being scared because of his job again but making it different, there’s children involved now, it’s not just Elizabeth. Jack won’t understand but Allie will 100% feel worried for him. Also Allie having a mother figure, especially at this stage in her life, how could you not want it! The blended family as the main family would be so nice for this show, I know it’s been done before but they will be fairly front and centre in the show. Sorry for the rant, I love your blog so much! I don’t have tumblr so I can’t leave comments or like your gifs but I thoroughly enjoy all your theories and opinions!!

Just ready for this stupid love triangle to be over!

I’d love to actually see Henry meet up with Abigail, but doubt it. I hope they have Clara do something heroic for Jesse, but also doubt it. Henry will definitely be putting Hickam in charge at least temporarily. I think Ned will return but we won’t get a full explanation yet. And the dramatic ending won’t be the triangle choice, it’ll be Elizabeth losing the school.

Allie’s adoption finalized and reaction to Elizabeth choosing Nathan is something we should see.

Glad the triangle will be DONE!!

I hope that Elizabeth follows her heart and not pick someone who is a safe option.

I wish Faith were leaving instead of Carson. Also, I think there will be lots of set up for problems with the school board and Elizabeth. Also, I want more little Jack scenes but i don't think we'll get much since child acting laws and covid combined make that difficult

Excited for Elizabeth to move on from her past and enter a new adventure with either of the two men and really just everything else (Rosie and Lee, Fiona, Henry.)

I hope Faith doesn’t end up with whoever doesn’t get chosen by Elizabeth.

hopefully the finale will clear up the drawn out love triangle

The triangle was waaaaay drawn out. Be done and choose.

Nathan and Faith......would be great......

No matter who Elizabeth chooses I'm SOOOO READY to get this over with!

Kindness matters - no matter who she chooses. Isn't that why most of us watch the show

I am so over the love triangle and just want to know who Elizabeth picks.

Worried about the fandom more than anything

Elizabeth please pick Nathan

It's just a TV show and no matter what , it's there for our entertainment. I do think they're setting things up for the return of Abigail in some way.

The must be a Season 9!!!

I hope Fiona does not get involved with Mike.

Hopefully things get back to normal for Elizabeth and Rosemary

Interested to see the other storylines. I want Elizabeth to choose Nathan but I think JT will throw us off. From the promo pic, it looks like they will try to put Faith with Nathan.

- I just want Elizabeth to chose so that this storyline can come to an end and we can finally get to see her marriage and functioning has a wife. - Wonder what will become of Lucas once her choice is made. - I would like Lucas to have a proper storyline that doesn't involve Elizabeth or the love triangle. - I would love to see Rosemary and Lee finally become parents however that may happen. I feel like the writer just left them in limbo about it and keep teasing but never delivering on anything.

Hopefully will end with Nathan but the very last minute. I would prefer more romance before the finale

Elizabeth will have to decide on what’s important with school.

Jack might make an appearance in a dream scene?

So excited! I hope I don't wake up my kids while watching.

I hope they don’t pick Lucas

CLARA DISCOVERS SHE IS PREGNANT

?

Just excited for this to be over. I know we needed it and I think overall it was handled decent enough, but I'm glad to finally move on.

Why is everyone so scared?

The whole season has been about getting over your fear. Elizabeth doesn’t have to deal with her emotions or real life with Lucas because school is out for the summer and she is working on her book. She needs to make up with Rosemary and get over the loss of Jack and fear to be with Nathan.

this season has been totally not what I expected...I thought the hug at end of season 7 was definitive and we'd get at least some Nathan courtship, not a complete U-turn to Lucas (with hopefully a turn to Nathan at the very end). I now think Season 9 will be what I expected season 8 to be, and I am very much looking forward to that.

Something sudden will allow Elizabeth to bring her feelings to light for everyone...Nathan. I think she will have decided by the time she takes of the rings, but will not have the opportunity to share with the man until later. Until she faces the prospect of him being in danger again? Full circle from the end of S7.

I need Elizabeth to really apologize to Rosemary. Rosemary has always been there for Elizabeth.

I’m so afraid :(

Hated the triangle

I am so ready to finally move on from this triangle!

They put waaaay too many storyline in the last 2 episodes, they will never manage to conclude them all and we'll have another weird random cliffhanger which will not tie in with the Christmas episode (If we're getting one ?)

I hope the guy who loses, has a good life in later seasons

The annoying love triangle will finally end. Elizabeth/Nathan are endgame, unless Jack suddenly comes back from the dead. But, I doubt it. I hope Lee/Rosemary are pregnant, or decide to adopt children. I just want Lee/Rosemary to have children. Can't wait to see how this season ends. Hopefully, it won't be a cliffhanger.

Nervous as hell

Elizabeth and Nathan get married

i kinda hope someone dies tbh it would make everything more interesting

Elizabeth was so tiresome this season, they could have told her story of overcoming grief in a much more relatable way. Why did they not just have her talking to Rosemary about how sad or exhausted or numb or angry she feels all the time? You know, something a widow would actually go through. At the very least she could have been stoic, instead she was just kinda bitchy.

Faith and Nathan will have some sparks; Elizabeth will choose Lucas and they will kiss twice one being at bridge one being at her home inside with baby jack present.Carson will leave; Jessie will be found; Ned will come back safely.

Lucas endgame, Nathan and faith have sparks, Rosemary paper, Jessie and Clara make up.

I think Henry will take his own advice and leave to find Abigail to see if there is still any hope for them. Though I like his character, I want him to finally be happy, and if that means staying with Abigail, then that’s what it means. I don’t think TPTB will bring back Lori soooo.... that means Henry would be the one possibly leaving. I also think some scare will happen with Nathan between him and the Pinkertons. Then it may come full circle at the end where Elizabeth runs to him like she did last season, but instead of hugging him, she’ll kiss him instead.

Hallmark execs dictated ending and will cut salaries to bring back Abigail, hence Paul leaving.

My condolences to whichever guy gets to look forward to being bored by Elizabeth for the rest of his life. Are we sure Jack's death wasn't a suicide?

Ready to see how it ends and already looking forward to next season!

I will be really disappointed if she chooses Lucas but I’m afraid that’s where it’s headed. Either way I don’t understand how they’ll end in “the healthy place” they’ve said it will be with so much left for one episode.

[misterbitches]

hi! this is long as shit i’m sorry. i hope it makes sense. i ahve adhd and like 5 million learning disorders so this is just word vomit cos there’s so many words in my brain. my b.

i’ve had such a tough day so thank you for replying and sharing! @yeedak​ 

i was thinking about what i wrote and i meant to clarify that as well. some cases are fine for both parties and it’s not like you weren’t consenting and it seems like you were happy! same with my friend who was dating a 20 yr old. if they’re happy you know i’ll clown on ‘em but yea. so for anyone that sees these posts your relationship with your partner who is older or whatever. i’m some dumb girl on the internet okay. ill side eye older ppl tho

i think a lot of people feel the same way you do now (me included.) it feels really good at the time but alter we can see the dynamics playing out. i’m 29 now and i think aging is just such a huge process. it’s wild how you at 31 are a totally different person, right?

and the US racism is probably some of the worst ever in its iteration because of slavery which started from europe etc but USA is so fucking unique bc of columbus bringing slaves here and displacing indigenous peoples or hispanola and because america is so influential the way it views race, particularly with black people as objects, has so deeply permeated into the current historical psyche globally. it’s fascinating to track how necessary anti blackness is to the flourishing of america but also the world at this point. also want to point out how fuckign scary sinophobia is here especially for covid. one is a straight historical line (black ppl + the US) and the other had to be manufactured and to continue to exploit the non-white americans and keep antiblackness in tact.i could go on about this all day. the pain of this place is immense.yet as bad as it is here, this is still the only place i truly feel safe as a black person. because of the unique experience we have in america and through the diaspora especially because we are veyr much ocncentrated here. it would be nice to like move to norway and have some alleviation financially or get free healthcare it’s just not feasible if no one looks like me. it’s fucking tough. 

i hope you don’t hate it here though and people treat you with respect. but as you know being a woman and jewish and an immigrant....shit is tough. the USA is a hellhole. :( america is so deeply tainted and desperately bad because it was founded on strife and blood and there’s no way to reverse that and what this country did in turn when it gained enough power and could capitalize off of the colonial forefathers. this is why we hsould all luv revolution!!!

HOWMEVERRRR 

boy oh boy oh BOY OH BOYYYYYYYY. well wlecome to the world of BL lmao especially as an adult with some obviously deep perspective just given your background. it is a fucking mess and it’s a hard mess to like but it pulls you in. i approach it like i do with soap operas since these are essentially telenovelas, you know? just like the drama at a billion. but the tricky part of that is like....what parts of it do we understand for critiquing? because so many of the shows are so bad at being like good pieces of things to look at just production wise and story wise. but i feel like these shows ask us to take them seriously, so why shouldn’t we take the content seriously? and this is being primarily peddled to young girls. 

i bring this up often but i read this thing about yaoi and the interest younger women/girls have in BL and its fascination with pederasty essentially. this component i think is key when we talk about who gets affected by these things the most. society in general is bad 4 girls bla bla we know lmao but in “more sexually conservative” societies it may be harder for these girls to feel safe even expressing normal emotions romantically and sexually and particularly with guys. some people hypothesized, and i think i agree with this hypothesis, that they can live through the casualness of BL. they don’t feel threatened because they can put themselves into the shoes of the other character. oftentimes, the more feminine or the younger. this was in conjunction with the age gap aspect (they say pederasty as well because there’s unethical age gaps that r gross and that is indeed what we would at least call a touch of sexual abuse if people dont feel like calling it an obsession with youth and power and uhhh young ppl and perhaps kids) where maybe girls could see themselves in these situations as the person being saved, loved, taken care of, and sadly also sexually active and penetrated. 

i think that’s just one aspect of it but i do think there’s validity in who gravitates towards it. i cannot imagine seeing this stuff and not getting enough information as a young kid, i sure as fuck know i didn’t!, and seeing these things and you look at it with 0 critique because you’re young and you may have no interest in it or you simply cannot understand what is wrong. no one is teaching you these things and these shows confirm it. and it is wild how intrinsic patriarchy is to BL although in its existence it also can’t be in line with patriarchy given the nature of two [cis] men!

it begs the question about the replacement aspect. is it just so girls can put themselves in these characters shoes? if so then that means we believe that gender is so interchangeable within our relationships and interactions and that doesn’t seem right. there’s more to lgbtq+ than just existing; it’s finding ways to communicate, finding a family, safety, your people, being a free person. there’s a lot to gain and a lot a lot to lose. and a gay man is also not a woman because those are also two distinct experiences.  especially in societies that have a more hidden aspect to sexuality (idk how to word this bc the BL industry would NEVER survive in america but in a way there’s a more “progressive” look at homosexuality but it’s still fucked up because we live in a Society, you know? at the same time look at what we are doing to trans kids. literally waging war so it’s bonkers how we all collectively have some real progress happening but at the same time not at all. the concept of ‘ladyboys’ and the frequency we see trans people in thai shows is wild and something that we absolutely do not see here in the US. still, none of these groups feel safe or are getting better material conditions in either place. we just show the ways we can try and tolerate oppression witout eliminating it imo)

to me it is clear: it’s money. which most things exist to make money so. but also who is the audience for these shows? and they have to market towards them. all that said all hope is not lost there are some decent shows. it’s just like regular media on TV though where it’s so fucking saturated as an industry that it’s literally sifting through garbage. and there are some days when you can handle the trash and others where it really fucking hurts to watch the violence, the rape, the manipulation, the violations, the stupid messaging. i have never seen more people trying to do mental gymnastics and seeing if things were “technically rape” than in teh BL fandom and that is so fucking sad.

i came into these shows at 28 with almost 0 clue of what as media BL was like esp as media that countries can use as soft power with the revenue. but i realize like...i’m 29 now and so many people don’t have a sizeable, though not huge, amount of life experience. and i wonder for people on the internet who are usually searching for something if they spend so much time on it like what a 15 year old girl thinks. what a 20 year old girl thinks. 

it is incredibly problematic and so awful but there’s also some rewards. if you haven’t i would definitely watch i told sunsset about you which i don’t think i’m going to finish and i doubt i’ll watch the second installment (watch this be a lie) but when i say some fucking impeccable storytelling and art? phew. now that is a fucking piece of media that works. it takes from moonlight heavily and you can see like...the artistic dedication is there and the story makes its world and sets up its stakes extremely well. 

i think because this is marketed towards much younger people too they know they dont have to try as hard. but they SHOULD because then you can have a fucking masterpiece like that. i think even this prolific gay thai filmmaker (who is like solidly against the government) who is so respected (and who i like a lot! if u wanna know i can tell u lmao but the films are very uhhhhhhhh “artsy”) would like i told sunset about you. i wish more people had budget like that and also just cared about the stories. it’s the fucking magic of art to figure out what you can do but there is very little incentive honestly. idk i am very pessimistic. there are days when it’s really a great pick me up and distraction but it is never a place i would love for to feel seen or heard but i’m more of the mind of i never trust the mainstream until they prove me wrong ;) 

or i never trust the mainstream and i still buy into it anyway and then cry when i don’t like what i see adn i yell “BOO GET OFF THE STAGE!” when an old man won’t leave a teenager alone

[randomoranges]

sometimes my life is an actual sitcom. i wish i could say i made this stuff up, but now, i legit met a guy while selling a shoe rack who came back to chat me up post sale bcs he thought i was pretty. he then proceeded to tell me a million times in one hr and has since been very over the top about being into me. as much as it’s nice to have attention u also gotta pace yourself. hes so over the top it’s ridiculous and also getting more annoying.

also never fucking send ppl semi nude photos unprompted wtf is wrong with yall.

anyways i live vicariously through teacher au and use real life shit to put the characters through the same thing. today i vibed with edward. 

this takes place before he and étienne are together

this is a blurb. i just needed to get a thought out of my system

edwards answers are legit what i wrote

the gag of all of edwards exes having names that start with c continues XD

Unsolicited

 Edward knows he technically shouldn’t, but he’s bored at work and for once, the kids are actually quietly doing their own thing. He decides against his better judgement to open Facebook and scroll aimlessly for a moment or two, while time goes on. It’ll give him a chance to see what exciting lives the rest of his friends are living and envy those who aren’t stuck at work.

 He quickly notices a red little number up on the top right corner to signal that he has one unopened conversation and for a moment, he wonders which of his friends would have messaged him. There hadn’t really been any ongoing chats at the moment, so he’s pleasantly surprised and looking forward to hearing from his friends.

 He’s only a little disappointed when he sees that it’s not from any of his friends, but instead from a guy he’d met just last Friday in the most strangest of ways. (His friend had hosted a garage sale and had asked for help. Edward had gone. He’d brought along some of his own stuff. This one man – Charles – had bought his old wooden shoe rack. Charles had chatted Edward up. They’d exchanged contact information and had more or less chatted since then. It was a strange way to meet someone – but, not the strangest.)

 Charles is – cute and they had a pleasant chat. Edward certainly hadn’t minded the attention, even if it had come from out of nowhere. He’d been looking forward to meeting up with him again, but as the days had gone on and their conversations had progressed, he’d found himself slowly losing a bit of interest over Charles’ over-eagerness.

 There were just so many times Charles could say he thought Edward was attractive in an hour before it got redundant and annoying.

 Edward was flattered Charles was interested in him, but Edward didn’t want to rush this either. He’d just gotten out of a serious relationship and with the end of the school year looming close, he had other things to deal with. Once summer break arrived, he would have more time and more energy. In the meantime, however, he didn’t need this stranger he barely knew to wax poetics and tell him he wished to wake up beside him to see how he woke up – or whatever garbage he’d been told. Edward was willing to give this a go, but he wasn’t looking to settle down and get married with Charles after knowing him for three days and it quite honestly felt as though Charles had already booked their venue at times.

 He was – over the top and intense. Edward had appreciated the fact that Charles had told him he’d found him attractive when he’d first seen him and he liked that he had actually returned to chat him up. It had been a little weird when Charles had called him his beloved and stranger still when he’d apologised from taking up his time and keeping him away from his friends when they’d talked that first time, but Edward had let it slide and had almost found it charming – in its own bizarre way.

 Now, it feels as though Charles is trying too hard, when really he doesn’t have to. Edward thought he was attractive, had even told him so and was more than willing to see where this would lead. but if However, if Charles doesn’t slow down, Edward will back out and move on. (Which reminds him – there’d been that whole other conversation where Charles had told him that he looked forward to living their lives together and that he didn’t want to lose him. To which Edward had politely told him that it would be best to get to know each other first.)

 Edward wants some fun – not some intense long-term lovey-dovey besotted nonsense. At least – not after three days of talking with the man.

 Still, he opens the conversation, curiosity, and boredom getting the best of him, and at first, it’s nice, until Charles asks him if he could have a photo. Edward lets out a long-suffering sigh and is glad his students are too busy with their work to notice.

 Charles has asked to send him a photo right now, of all things.

 Edward is so not in the mood for any of this.

 “No. I’m in class teaching. My students are taking a test.” He writes out. He doesn’t care if he comes across as annoyed, but this man is being irksome in his own infatuated way and it’s – pathetic. He likes the attention, to a degree, he enjoys feeling wanted, but Charles needs to calm down his ardours.

 He leaves it at that and doesn’t bother with Charles for the rest of the day.

 By the time Edward’s done, he heads to his car and figures he’ll check again to see if he’s gotten a new message. There is still part of him that is curious about this whole ordeal and so he’s a little bit pleased when he sees that Charles has sent him a few messages after their last chat.

 He’s less enthused when he gets to the last one.

 The first was in regards to the whole photo debacle, saying maybe next time. The second mentioned that he was going for a jog. And the last message – the kicker really, was a photo Charles had sent of himself, shirtless and thankfully from the waist up.

 And to think Edward had nearly sent him a post-work exhausted face selfie for the fun of it.

 He grumbles, puts his phone away, and figures he’ll deal with it when he gets home.

 It’s not that he necessarily minded the photo – he did find the guy attractive to a point, but – it had been unprompted. Unsolicited. He hadn’t asked for a photo. He hadn’t been expecting a shirtless photo. He wasn’t in the current mood to receive such a photo. He could have been at school on break and gotten this photo.

 He’s angry and annoyed by the time he gets home.

 Edward putters around and leaves Charles on read. It’s one thing going after sex and expecting these photos and it’s another to get them out of the blues. He lets his friends know of this debacle and relishes in their reactions. He’s glad someone gets it.

 Finally, after making dinner, playing a few rounds of video games, taking a shower, getting his lunch ready for the following day, and having a nice chat with his friends, he decides to answer Charles.

 “Even if a photo of a woman, man, or person shirtless may be nice to receive, it’s always better to send it with consent and with fair warning. Especially when you’re not expecting one and that with my work, there are often children nearby.”

 He doesn’t expect an answer so quickly, especially since it’s been five hours since the photo was sent, but Charles, true to form, answers. Edward laughs out loud when he reads how very sorry Charles is and how he genuinely thought Edward would appreciate it. Edward sighs again and groans, passing a hand through his hair.

 He tries to find a polite way of trying to get this man to understand and he’s only a little surprised by how easily the words come to him, “There’s a time and place for everything. You don’t send these types of photos willy-nilly whenever you feel like it. There’s context, time, mood, etc. Consent and fair-warning. Imagine you were sitting with your family, friends, or kids and you received such a photo without warning. You can’t assume that the person on the other side is in an appropriate setting to receive these types of messages and images without checking beforehand.”

 It’s at times like these he wishes men could be less – like this. He likes a good shirtless photo just like anyone else who’s into men, but he hates that this seems to be a norm. And at least this was only a shirtless photo! He doesn’t want to think of the number of times when he was having a nice conversation about literally anything unrelated to the human body, only to find himself with a photo of a man’s junk, completely unprompted.

 Sometimes, he almost wishes he were into women just to be spared this.

 Edward figures he’s given Charles enough etiquette lessons for the night and puts his phone away. He pulls up something decent to watch on television and does his best to forget about the incident for now. If anything, he reminds himself, he doesn’t need to commit to anything with this besotted Romeo.

 FIN

#teacher au #pc: edmonton #edward murphy #au #fic

[shift-shaping]

41 and 43 for the ask meme?

lol i decided to do all of them instead

re: the lioness and the wolf

under cut

50 Questions to ask about your romance

Why do they care about each other? They begin with mutual admiration, then trust, then a sort of faith in each other's abilities that quickly turns allies into friends and finally lovers. She is disarming and clever and brave and (despite her own opinion of herself) very wise. He is compassionate and intelligent and world-weary, with a weight of guilt about him that Eirwen recognizes in herself.

Why should your reader care about them? They have a mature, reasonable, yet still complex relationship built on mutual respect and admiration and also have very good sex.

How do their friends feel about their relationship? Adaar, Dagna, and Cole (probably the people closest to them in Skyhold) are all supportive. Adaar is very happy for them and Cole likes how happy they make each other.

How do their families feel? Morrigan is the closest thing Eir has to family and she is not a fan of Solas. She didn't like Alistair either, though. I honestly don't know that she'd like any romance option for Eir because she is the sibling that immediately dislikes any of her sister's dates because 'men are stupid' and so is any woman Eirwen would be interesting in. If Eirwen's parents were alive they would definitely think Solas is too old for her (correct!) but otherwise find him neat.

What do they dislike about each other? Solas is absolutely baffled by how often Eirwen puts herself in serious danger and generally acts with little regard for her wellbeing. 'You throw yourself into battle like it's a duty', or something. She is frustrated by his tendency to be patronizing and to pick fights with Morrigan.

What do they argue about? Wardens, Solas being racist/out of touch/condescending, Eirwen making bad life decisions

What do they do together? Talk and talk and talk and wander around and drink wine and talk some more and light something on fire.

How often do they have sex? As often as Solas can handle because Wardens Fuck.

What is their sexual dynamic? Both are switches, but Solas leans more dominant and Eir is very happy either way.

Who initiates sex most often? Eirwen.

How physically affectionate are they? Very, though more in the sense of holding hands for a quick moment, standing close to each other, gossiping in the back of the party, etc. as opposed to literally hanging off each other all the time.

How do they act in public Vs in private? In public they are fairly mature and restrained. In private it does not take long for sex to start happening only to get interrupted by more talking.

What is their favourite kind of kiss? Solas loves kissing her hairline/forehead and she loves kissing his cheek. Both find each other's preferred kiss silly but love it anyway.

Who gets their way most often? It would probably seem like Solas does but Eirwen is just not that opinionated and usually gives up on arguments pretty quickly. When she does want something, she always gets it.

Where was their first date? Fighting a dragon in the Dirth Getting sad in the garden Getting trapped in the Fade Being petty in Halamshiral I'm not actually sure lol

How often do they go on dates? They go places and do dumb shit together often but I think their dreams are more like dates. So, very often.

Do they live together? Sort of. He spends a lot of time in her room because as far as I can fucking tell Solas does not actually have quarters in Skyhold and just sleeps on that ratty old couch like a loser. She has a bed, at least.

How long was their flirting phase? Several months, thereabouts.

How do they sleep when they're together? She CLINGS in their sleep and just puts most of her weight on him. He is so touch-starved that he usually just lets her unless she's cutting off his circulation.

Who is the most clingy? Physically, Eirwen. Emotionally, Solas.

Do they steal each others clothes? Not really, but I could see them doing it. If she had a particularly nice hat or something that she wasn't using I could see him taking it if he needed extra warmth. She'd definitely put on his shirt or something just to turn him on (which would work, because he's a pervert).

What petty opinions do they not agree on? Solas wants like six tablespoons of sugar in his coffee as well as creamer and Eirwen thinks it's fucking disgusting even though she has a sweet tooth, too. He also definitely likes red velvet cake and she thinks it's dumb. They agree that cream cheese frosting is incredible. Solas isn't into the concept of keeping an animal as a pet (he likes animals, just not pets) but Eirwen would definitely keep a shit ton of rescue critters if she could. She LOVES birds and would never remove a nest no matter how inconvenient, but the second one shits on his head he'd move it himself.

Why did they choose each other? Mutual respect, admiration, and intense physical attraction. She loves his arms and he loves her... everything (but definitely her breasts and butt, although he would never say that to anyone except her). Like if he were at the Hanged Man and Varric or Bull tried to push him on talking about sex with her he would not elaborate beyond it being good and happening often, and even that would be cloaked in implication. Even with a decent amount of alcohol he wouldn't say more than that she's beautiful. She, meanwhile, would immediately tell Sera he has a huge dick and is extremely good at oral, which would probably make Sera physically ill.

What is their biggest problem? She's dying and he's himself.

How do their jobs/education affect their relationship? lol. This would take a really long time to answer in full but it's hopefully clear in the story. He thinks it sucks that she's a Warden and that she had to go through the abuse of the Circle but knows she'd be a very different person otherwise. She's doing her best to parse through him being Fen'Harel because her frame of reference for elven culture is minimal. As members of the Inquisition, it brought them together and means she has her own quarters for them to bone in.

Do they share the same music taste? They would both definitely love a good fiddle.

Why did they meet? She was dying (a theme) and he rescued her and healed her. Interestingly, this was almost immediately after Wisdom died.

If they aren't together yet, why not?

What if the biggest challenge they have to overcome? Spoilers spoilers lol.

What is their most noticeable physical difference? She's very dark-skinned and he's fairly pale. Also, she has lots of lovely hair and he has none lol.

What are their opinions on marriage? Eirwen thinks it's dumb and Solas is indifferent because I imagine marriage was probably weird in elvhenan. But they'd do something informal to express their intentions of being together for a very long time. And Eirwen would be into the tax benefits.

What are their opinions on children? Neither of them has any interest in children of their own but they're both neutral on kids as a concept. I think Eirwen probably sees them more as tiny adults, though.

Is their relationship healthy? Why/why not? Yes. They are open with each other and clear about their wants/needs, or at least as much as possible given plot circumstances.

How do their past relationships affect them? I get the sense that Solas has a probably-unhealthy tendency to (lowkey?) worship those he loves. He probably had very few serious relationships, but I imagine each was monumental for him at the time. He feels very deeply and passionately and any losses he's been through make him want to protect her, which he cannot do. She is constantly reminded of Alistair, of how deeply she loved him and how thoroughly she believes she failed him. She tried for a long time not to get seriously attached to anyone else as a result. With Solas, she is trying to let go of that tendency to keep everyone at a distance.

Do they love each other, or are they in love? Both. He loved her before he was in love with her, but I think both happened for her at the same time.

Why should your readers root for them? They are essentially good people trying their best.

Do they both put an equal amount of effort into the relationship? I think Solas puts in a little more. He worships her, to some extent.

Who do they turn to when their relationship has problems? Themselves. They talk to each other unless it's something REALLY wild and plot-related that requires some inner calculations first.

Who does the most mundane household tasks? Solas in the evening, Eirwen in the morning.

What do they do when the other is mad? Eirwen uses humor to distract him, and if that doesn't work just lets him rant until he tires himself out. She doesn't get angry very often, so I don't know if Solas would have an immediate solution or reaction to her anger, which would lead him to be overly-logical and probably piss her off more. Then he'd feel really fucking bad and let her get it all out before doing whatever he could to make things better. Alternatively, they'd agree on whatever is pissing them off and just rant together and get all shitty until nobody else can stand to be around them. Then they'd fuck.

How do their flaws clash? She's too reckless for him and though he believes she'll be okay there's still a voice in his head that's like 'but what if she's not?' She thinks he's overreacting.

Why do you enjoy writing them? They both have such rich personal histories with fun parallels. They are equals, despite him being who he is, and see each other as such. She asserts her position as his equal in power and intelligence and refuses to let him doubt her capabilities, even in the interest of her own protection. Her wit and confidence ground him. They both need certainty and reassurance that they are more than what others see them as. They make each other feel whole.

What small quirks do they like about each other? From early on she's admired how gentle he can be with his hands even when he's upset. He loves how easily distracted she is by birds and flowers and miscellaneous wildlife and finds her infodumps about various critters extremely endearing.

What would a stranger think if they saw them out together? "Fucking apostates." Or, alternatively: "...Is that the Hero of Ferelden?"

How do they show the other that they love them? Physical affection and 'acts of service' or whatever. Doing little favors for each other and noticing the other's needs before they voice them.

What made them fall in love? Eirwen first felt a hint of something for him when she saw him helping the Vilbirn survivors. He first felt something when she turned into a fucking dragon. Over time, though, it was the slow realization that the other person genuinely cared for them and respected their abilities and experiences that made them truly fall in love.

Have they ever took a break?

What was their biggest fight about? ~*Wardens*~

What do they give as gifts? Food, because they both forget to eat. But also little love notes.

He is well-aware of their animal symbolism and kind of loves it. Like, he would call their story 'the lioness and the wolf' because he's a dramatic moron.

Sera: So, you and droopy?

Eir: Droopy? Hardly.

Sera: What --EWW hahahaha!

#solas #eirwen #solas x surana #the lioness and the wolf #this was fun and also time-consuming lmao #solasmance #solas x ofc #unfortunately this next chapter is a little short and needs some beefing #but i'm not sure what to add #if anyone wants to read it lmk

[meat-husband]

Slashers first time doing it with their s/o ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ?

I’ve been waiting for this ask lol thank u for stepping up anon, you’re braver than any US marine. 

Sorry this took forever to get out, I just had a hard time organizing my thoughts about these stinky boys. 

Brahms

Lots of really uncomfortable mask kisses. No, he’s not taking it off and yes, you are expected to smooch it. You get a lot of bruised, and possibly bloody, lips as a result. Way, way in the future, once he’s as certain about your loyalty as he can be, maybe he’ll take it off if you promise not to peek. 

Let's be honest here - he busts outta that wall with his dick hard. He is the human embodiment of DTF, so the literal moment you’re ready for it, he’s already taking his pants off. 

He thinks he knows what to do, but once there is a real chance at getting laid, his mind is blank. Probably just ends up sort of awkwardly humping you until you put a stop to it, but don’t laugh otherwise he’s going to have a tantrum like you’ve never seen before. 

Anyone who tells you that he wouldn’t nut before the clothes even come off is lying. And he’s not super concerned with your lack of release, either, so you have to somehow get off before he does or wait for him to stop being a brat, neither of which are very likely. 

Speaking of that, he’s going to make a mess and yes, you are expected to clean him up afterwards. No, he’s not getting out of bed to take a shower, it doesn’t matter if that would be easier. 

Absolutely no technique. He grabs everything too hard, bites where he  shouldn’t, and is overall just clueless about what to do and when. Way too eager, so he tends to just try and blow past foreplay completely. 

He’s fine with you teaching him or showing him what to do, but don’t expect him to catch on to the parts that aren’t about him very quickly. The goal is for him to get what he wants, and if he’s feeling generous then you won’t be left hanging. 

Eventually he’ll come around to the idea that pleasing a partner is just as much fun as being pleased. He’s still going to be selfish and bratty about it, and more often than not he’s still going to be the one who cums first, but he’ll quickly learn to enjoy it once he sees how desperate it makes you. 

Unbelievably smug afterwards. Somehow very, very proud of himself and the ego boost is just insufferable. On the upside, you’ve got a few days with him as well behaved as he’s ever going to get, so enjoy the calm while you can. 

You’re not going to have a second alone though, because he’s going to be feeling that clingy, cuddly afterglow for a while. Wants lots of affection and attention, so you’d better be ready to drop everything and coo over him on command. 

Michael

He’s got the general idea down, but not really any of the details. He’s not about to let you sit him down and teach him though, he’s just going to do what he wants. He may not understand exactly how it works, but he’s not going to take it slow either. 

You can try and direct him, but he’s just going to ignore you. He’s pretty much ready to get right to it straight away, and he doesn’t take suggestions. There’s no romance or affection to it when he approaches you. 

The mask stays on. He’s probably never going to be comfortable taking it off during something so intimate, maybe pulling it up just enough so he can bite. He won’t go in for a kiss on his own, but he won’t complain if you kiss him, just so long as you realize that the mask is going to be more involved in it than he is. 

Way, way too rough. He digs his nails into you everywhere he squeezes and he’s got no idea how to be gentle with someone else. He doesn’t pin your wrists, but rather holds you to the bed by your hair, so you can still squirm around without being able to go anywhere. 

If you’ve got a dick of your own there is a special danger that comes with this experience - he’s masturbated before and it’s not a slow, gentle process when he does it. The first time he gets his hands on you, his grip is bruisingly firm and not at all pleasurable. 

He’s very physically dominant and he’s going to pretty much do what he wants, putting you where he wants you and deciding what’s going to happen. His goal the first time is simple, so he’s not going to try out anything too complicated. 

There’s a lot of build up and expectations going into it, mostly on your side, but it’s over quicker than you had anticipated. To be fair, it’s likely his first time with another person involved, and he isn’t entirely comfortable being around people, or you, yet. 

He’s probably not going to stick around for cuddles afterwards. If he doesn’t just get up and leave, you can get away with curling up against his side, maybe putting an arm or leg over him, but don’t expect him to stay there for long. 

Prepare to be woken up in the middle of the night, because he isn’t going to wait until morning for round two. After the first few times he’s more open to suggestions, but you’re going to have to outright ask for anything you want, there’s no room to be shy about it when he probably has no idea what you’re subtly hinting at. 

It might not be noticeable to you, but he’s much more possessive afterwards, following you around and keeping a closer eye on the people you spend time with. This is the point of no return, and after this you pretty much straight out belong to him in his mind. 

Bubba

He’s got a little bit of an idea about what’s expected of him, but it’s vague and only what he’s picked up from being on the farm and hearing his brothers talk. He’s seen the animals in the pastures, so that’s about his only reference for how sex works. 

He falls in love pretty quick and he’s ready for sex just as quickly. He might not really know what he wants exactly, but if you happen to ever share a bed at some point, it’s pretty easy to figure out for yourself. 

You can set the pace, because he doesn’t really have any idea on how to start things, and he wouldn’t want to push you anyways. He isn’t going to pick up on anything subtle though, so you’ve pretty much got to just come out and say it. 

Later on down the line, you can maybe talk him into removing the mask when you’re alone, but he’s not comfortable with it just yet. He’s happy to switch to whichever face you like the best, though. 

You’re going to have to guide him through everything, but so long as you provide a lot of praise, he’s happy to let you take charge. It’s a big relief to have you making the decisions with this, because he would just be a worried mess otherwise. 

He’s very, very eager and that makes him more than a little clumsy even though he’s trying so hard to be gentle. It’s more awkward than painful, but as long as you gently correct him, he’ll figure it out. 

He wants you to tell him what to do, but that doesn’t mean he’s completely submissive about it. He’ll still pick you up and hold you down if he’s on top, or use his size to keep you still when you start squirming. 

It’s going to take a few tries before you actually get to penetrative sex, because he is a big fan of foreplay. He likes being the one to make you feel good and having you call out for him, so he’ll spend the whole time focusing on you if you let him. 

He will stay in bed for cuddles as long as he can, but you both probably have work to get back to. If there’s time, he wants a snack because all that work has made him hungry. 

Good luck handling him after, because anything as simple as prolonged eye contact is going to get him going. Now that you’ve shown him what to do, he’s going to be more confident seeking you out. 

Thomas

He’s rather shy when it comes to affection or romantic things in general, but that does not extend to this. You might think you’re safe to tease him and then act innocent, but that’s probably what pushes him over the edge. He might be a little hesitant to start with, but once you get him riled up any nervousness goes away real fast. 

The family never really thought he’d find anyone in the first place, so there’s not much education when it comes to this. He’s heard the men talk and picked some things up from that, and once you come around they go into overdrive catching him up on what he ‘needs to know’, but he’s given a lot of information all at once about things he’s never heard about before. Please take a moment to explain that anything that Hoyt has ever told him about this subject should not be trusted. 

This is a no smooching zone, but feel free to put your lips anywhere other than his face. As he gets more comfortable, small kisses will be allowed, but never without the mask on. 

He’s not used to having to be gentle with people, so even though he doesn’t mean to, he’s more than a little rough. Even if you happen to like being manhandled, you’ve got to be careful that he doesn’t go too far, and there will most likely be some bruises at the least. 

Probably going to happen in the basement, because although he doesn’t really know enough to be shy about it, that’s just where he’s most comfortable. In the future you will have to try and get him to understand that, no, he cannot just bend you over the nearest piece of furniture whenever he feels like it. 

You need to slow him down unless you just wanna skip straight to the main event, because he has no idea what foreplay is at all. He’s not going to want to slow it down either, so he’ll be eager to hurry up and get to it. 

He’ll do whatever you tell him you want, but if you don’t speak up, he’s just going on instinct. He’s impatient when you stop to explain things to him, he’d rather just figure it out as he goes. 

Falls asleep almost immediately afterwards, and good luck getting out of bed when he’s holding you down. Everyone else has a pretty decent idea of what’s going down, so you have to endure a lot of raised eyebrows and vulgar jokes, as well as some not so subtle encouragement to get started on grandbabies. 

He has a pretty loose concept of marriage, but this definitely counts as something similar in his mind. He was territorial before, but he’s much more possessive afterwards. 

He’s a little bossier afterwards, stepping in more to help you around the house and keeping a closer eye on you in general. You’re his now, and that means he’s responsible for you. 

Jason

You might think that you’ll have a lot of issues about sex to help him get over, but good news! He’s already got a loophole - Jason is a good boy, and good boys get to do whatever they want. He’s special, so it’s not bad when he does it. 

Despite catching more than a few people going at it, he’s got no idea what to do. Besides the lack of knowledge, you’ve also got to get that strength under control because he can get carried away really quickly when he’s excited. 

He’s not shy about it at all, and is open to whatever you want to try with him. There’s no hesitation when you want him to get undressed, and he’s more than eager to get your clothes off as well. 

Absolutely wants the first time to be with you sitting on his lap. Even if he didn’t make that preference known, it was probably going to happen that way regardless, because it’s where you are most of the time anyways. 

Big boy is big, and you’re going to feel like you deserve a medal once you’re fully seated. There’s got to be some kind of award for perseverance that you qualify for now. 

Kisses are a must. He’ll take the mask off, or leave it on depending on what you prefer, but one way or another, he's getting his mouth on you. 

You’re going to have to teach him pretty much everything, but he catches on easily and is quick to let you know what he likes the best. 

He really tries to be gentle with you, but he can’t always stop himself from getting rough. He tends to move you around himself if you’re not where he wants you, picking you up and tossing you around. 

You’re getting cuddles, whether you actually want them or not. Maybe you’re sweaty and dirty, but you’re not getting out of his arms until he’s satisfied that you’ve been properly snuggled for as long as he can get away with. 

He was always physically affectionate, but it goes through the roof now. You’re constantly being followed, one hand in his, as you go around the house, and frequent stops for kisses are required. 

#Slashers #michael myers #bubba sawyer #thomas hewitt #brahms heelshire #jason voorhees #slasher x reader #anonymous #wow this took so long #but its like i knew what i wanted to write #and then the words just... didnt happen lol #and vincents not here cause this was from before i added him #but i think im gonna go back and add him to some asks #maybe just put it on ao3 instead of edited everything here

[i-am-parsec]

                                                                                                              10/30/2020

Nine hundred days.

I’ve existed in a world without you for nine hundred days. Our daughter is almost as tall as me. Our son now uses words that seem too big for his small mouth. They’ve grown so much and...

This is pointless. This is fucking stupid. I don’t want to do this. I know I have to and there’s this tiny voice in the back of my head that whispers I should be grateful that I get to see Esperanza and Samuel again, that I get to sleep in my own bed again, that I should simply do as I’m told and enjoy whatever few freedoms I’ve been granted and I know that’s the smart thing to do, ok? But I’m so sick and tired of this, of all the repetition, the exercises, the meetings, all for nothing! Nothing! I’m broken, that’s it! They can not fix me and every pill they push down my throat and every appointment with a new therapist they write on that stupid white board and every damn piece of paper they make me fill up, incessantly, like a child in detention is just a fucking waste of...time…

Now that I’ve written it down, I have to admit it is quite ridiculous that I’d be complaining about wasting time since that seems to be the only thing I have plenty of. The only thing I have, period. So, no, I don't want to do this, but given that I have absolutely nothing else to do and that the new nurse they assigned me appears to be bitchier that the rest and I am in no mood to argue with a very young, recently graduated, awfully entitled CNA, I guess...we are doing this.

I guess I’m writing you one more letter.

I do appreciate the fact that I get to write whatever I want and keep it to myself instead of filling up one more “How are feeling today?” form, full of disgusting stickers and smiley faces, that I have to hand in but...I honestly don’t even know where to start - the world kept moving alright, just not in a direction most of us could’ve seen coming.

I guess I'll simply say it: we are in the middle of a pandemic, Chase. It’s been around for about 8 months now and it’s partly the reason why I’m back home, other than good behavior. Oh, there’s also that, the fact that I was “away”. See, I was first hospitalized for a couple days and then locked up in a mental institution since, after our little “meeting” of sorts, I had a rather predictable existential crisis and went a bit, what in the medical field is referred to as, apeshit crazy. Now that it’s been over a year since said incident, I have to admit I’m slightly proud of having gone so insane that seven grown men were required to hold me down. I guess crossing planes of existence is, as you’d say, a hell of a drug. Worst trip of my life, no doubts about it, but quite memorable.

In other news, Ana is now the only legal guardian of our children. Trust me, this displeases me as much as I can imagine it displeases you, but it does make sense. I’ll be the first to admit I’m absolutely incapable of taking care of them. Whatever happened that night, it changed me. I love them as much as I did the day I walked into that forest, I don’t believe there’s a force in this or any other universe that can take that away from me...but pretty much everything else I once was...it’s gone. My sister tries her hardest to get a meaningful reaction out of me, a chuckle, an insult, a knowing look, even a sigh, something familiar, something that tells her that the little girl that she once adored is still here, that I’m still here.

But I’m not. I suppose I don't have to tell you that.

Nonetheless, she works hard to maintain the husk of a woman I am these days in decent shape. Once I was found after spending an undetermined amount of days in the wilderness, famished and horribly dehydrated - which only makes the fact that, even in those conditions, I gave a 6 feet tall men a black eye so much more impressive -, she had me admitted at the best hospital she could afford, never asking our accountant for a cent. When I finally started engaging with my caregivers, she surrounded me with all sorts of doctors to help my obviously fractured mind navigate reality. I am certainly not easy to handle so many have thrown the towel and walked away from me but Ana quickly replaces them with someone new, who she claims has even better qualifications and is more fitted to my needs. My needs. I would like know what she thinks my needs are. I would like to know what I need. I would like to need something at all. To want something. To feel the things I logically know I used to feel but I simply forgot how to.

The way even breathing felt off at the beginning...the unnatural taste behind every small human action, it fades, slowly but not fully. I eat, but there’s no flavor, there’s no way of filling up my stomach. I smile, but I literally had to retrain my facial muscles in order to do it again so I wouldn’t scare my own kids. I have emotions, I do, but it is almost as if I went from having a massive range to only four: love for my children, rage for the world, apathy for my sister and her battalion of therapists and...something for Sean and Henrik. Something almost like hunger or lust...it’s a pull, warm, sticky and elastic that drives most of my thoughts in their direction. A normal, sensible mind would claim it is a need for some well deserved answers, some closure, but my insensible self knows better than that. This wanting isn’t normal, or mine. It doesn’t belong to me, but it lives within me.

I guess it’s a good thing for Henrik I am not allowed to leave my home without a chaperone and even better for Sean that travelling abroad is straight up banned. I guess it’s a good thing for me that this silent plague has slowed down the world for a while, giving me time to catch my breath after the shit show that went down last year. But the gears of Life are trying to speed up, everyone is eager to leave the quietness behind and sooner than later, the pull in my soul will find a chance to drag me where it wants to go. I don’t know what will happen then. I wish I could say that I’m afraid to find out, but I’m not. I suppose I don't have to tell you that.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Link to all the chapters in chronological order, here. Link to the last chapter, if you can even call it that, here.

Heeeey, did u read all of that? You did? Do u wanna know what the Fuck is going on, if there’s gonna be more of this bullshit coming soon? Well, for starters, there’s another new chapter here, that I’m gonna be posting like right after this one, and secondly, If go and read that one and hit the keep reading thingy there’s a bit of rantin’ with some info, so u can go there! see u tomorrow <3

❤️Tag list❤️: @amyxmiaplay​ @beckofthewoods​ @closedworldofmathiel​ @darktrash-drash @fanfictionrecommendations-com @flyingfishflopsthings @fruitycasket @hiimizzyxoxo @hishex @scarlet-mangata @mcomegalletas @mijako98 @mysterious-cupcake-ninja @mysticalanimallover @novasingalaxies @plutoandpolaris @probablyghosting @randomartdudette @saltyweirdbi @scarlet--raven @septicuniverse @skyewardlight @thevampireauthoress @youllnevertaketheskyfromme​ @rats-this-username-is-taken

#Unaddressed Letters #Stacy Brody #Chase Brody #Jacksepticeye #Antisepticeye #Henrik Schneeplestein #no i would never come back to a fanfic that i abandoned over a year ago ahaha...unless??

[1987vampire]

Need A Moment

Fandom: Peaky Blinders Relationship: John Shelby x reader Word Count: 1847 Warnings: cussing, alcohol, splash of sadness Request: none, just ain’t been writing in a bit.  A/N: I’ve missed writing...this is nice. Wanna do a Finn Shelby imagine too and an Isaiah Jesus one if I can think of something. If y’all want, send in a song and a character you’d like to see an imagine based off of. (specifically Peaky Blinders if u can) Extra:

The song this was inspired by

John Shelby was a mystery altogether. Of course, everyone knew of him; it would be dumb to think anything other than that as he was a Peaky Blinder, after all. However, nobody knew him. How could you. Even with the family’s very public lives, on both the legal and illegal sides of life, they were very private.  

Their roles were very simple in the people’s minds. Tommy Shelby, though not the oldest, was the leader of the Shelby brothers. Nobody could argue against Tommy. He got what he wanted, no matter the cost. Arthur Shelby was the oldest and arguably the funniest of the group, though he had a temper like no other. He was a killer, but he was probably one of the sweetest out of the siblings. Finn Shelby was the youngest, but people knew not to mess with him. No matter how much you could see his family making fun of him, if anyone else said anything mildly rude, they would find themselves in boiling water. Quite a few had gone missing only for rumors to come out that they had said something to Finn Shelby. Polly and Ada were the least known about out of the family. As the women, everyone knew they also weren’t to be messed with, but they also knew that it wouldn’t be the boys to attack if something went wrong. Polly and Ada may have been seen as feminine figures, but they fought harder than any boy the town had seen.  

That left John Shelby. People thought they knew John the most out of the family, but they were wrong. John was someone who held himself in a way that made him seem consistently relaxed, happy even. But if someone paid even the slightest bit more attention, they would notice that it was a façade. Hell, at least his family hid it a bit better than him. He just seemed tired.  

The poor boy had been through a lot in his short life, and I pitied him just a bit. His wife had died a short while back while he was still in the war, and he seemed to be coming to the bar more and more. As I worked behind the counter, I watched him. Normally, he would go to a back room with his family, or he would at least sit far off into a corner, but tonight, he was in front of the counter. His head was pressed against the cool countertop as he mumbled quietly to himself. His façade was slipping.  

The pub had begun clearing out about an hour ago, and now all that was left were a few bums that didn’t have a home to go to and the drunkards that couldn’t walk by themselves. John hadn’t seemed to notice, and if he had, he didn’t care.  

I pitied him, really. I couldn’t imagine living the life he did. The war would have been enough to make me go mental if the stories I heard were right, but the life of a gangster. The constant thought of someone coming after you looming over your shoulder constantly. Being ordered around by your family to do whatever they wanted. The pure idea of never having full control of your life. Well, it was enough to drive someone insane.  

Harry placed his hand on my shoulder as he walked by, whispering that I needed to wipe off the counters and he would get the others out. I nodded and took a cleaning rag from under the counter, soaking it in soap and water before running it across the surface, trying to keep a decent distance away from John’s head.  

He still hadn’t come around, even as Harry ended up having to literally throw out one of the homeless men. Instead, John kept mumbling to himself. I could faintly hear something about his children, and for the first time in about an hour, he tapped his glass on the counter, signaling he wanted another drink.  

I looked up at Harry who nodded to me as he began stacking chairs on the table. Even with the confirmation to give John a drink, I didn’t want to. He had drunken more than three-fourths of a bottle of whiskey. He probably couldn’t even lift his head to drink it.  

John tapped his glass again, and I took the glass from his hand, filling it with water instead. I could deal with his anger if he lashed out for it.  

“You doin’ okay there, John,” Harry questioned, stacking another chair.  

I placed the glass in John’s open hand as he responded. “I’m just fine, Harry,” he mumbled, lifting his head and knocking back the shot. I watched as he waited for the burn to hit, but when it never did, he gave me a confused look. “Oi, what was that,” he questioned, not anger but rather confusion filling his voice.  

“Water,” I responded, placing a full glass of it in front of him. “You need to drink some, John.” This was a bold action considering I had never even talked to the boy before with the exception of taking his order.

John stared at the glass for a second before sighing and bringing it to his lips. “Yeah, whatever,” he mumbled. He took a few gulps, downing half the glass in a few seconds before wiping his mouth against the sleeve of his suit. I shook my head and handed him a few napkins before continuing to clean the counter.

Harry came up behind me again, this time moving to the register where I watched him count the bills quickly. He had done it so many times, it was practically second nature to him. He knew how much the pub needed to run and give change. The rest would be going into a bank account. He used to place it in a vault hidden in the floorboards, but everything in it had been stolen a few too many times, so he switched.  

“Can you close up for me tonight, y/n,” Harry questioned loudly before leaning down to whisper in my ear. “I don’t really want to leave you with John, but he seems quiet today, and I got a date at a restaurant a bit away. Remember Mrs. Shelly? It’s her.”

“I got this,” I responded, patting his shoulder. “I’ll make sure everything's locked up, and I won’t be here much longer. Make sure to have fun.”

Harry chuckled a bit. “I’ll be having a bit more than fun.”

I rolled my eyes and shoved him playfully. He left with a little pep in his step and a hum in his voice. Then, my attention was diverted to John. I had to get him out somehow, but I wasn’t even sure he could walk.  

I took the now empty glass from in front of him and watched as his glazed over eyes stared at the wall across from him. What could he possibly be thinking about?  

“John,” I began, fishing the keys from under the counter. “What’s wrong? You don’t really have to tell me, but I don’t like seeing people so down.”  

John blinked a few times before looking at me, and I realized he wasn’t staring absentmindedly, he was crying. I paused, not knowing what to do as he wiped his hand across his face, obviously trying to hide it.  

“Oh, god, did I say something wrong? I’m sorry!”  

John shook his head, laughing a bit. I suppose that was a good sign. “No, I just-” He swallowed harshly before he let out a loud sob. “Gimme a second.”  

I waited, as he had instructed me to do, but his crying didn’t seem to be slowing down. “Is there anything I can do?”

John shook his head. “I need a moment. I didn’t mean to do this, especially in front of a pretty girl like you.”  

I chuckled a bit. “I don’t think this is the best time to flirt, John.”

He laughed too. “This is the perfect time,” he joked, wiping his eyes again. His face was blotchy from his crying, but he still looked so cute. I never thought that I would see someone as beautiful as him, but here he was, crying in the pub I was closing.

“John,” I spoke as he settled down. “You don’t have to talk to me if you don’t want to. I mean, we’ve only known each other for a bit. But, well, whenever I have a good cry, I find it’s best to talk to someone to let it all out. I mean, normally it’s Harry I vent to because he’s one of the only people I know, but -”

John cut me off with another laugh, and he took off his cap, placing it on the counter. “I get it, I promise. Come sit over here, and maybe, I’ll rant a bit.”  

And he did rant for nearly an hour, and we both got drunk off the cheap kind of whiskey, and I got to know John Shelby more than I ever thought I would. He was stressed, so stressed, and he felt underappreciated. He wanted somebody to listen for once, and he was scared he wouldn’t be a good father. He feared a lot of things. For someone who seemed so happy all the time, he had a lot of built up emotion.

By the end of the night, we were both holding onto each other for dear life as we made our way down the cobbled street. I had successfully locked up everything that needed to be, and John had suggested taking me home. I had responded that he couldn’t walk himself home with how much alcohol he had in his system. He mumbled something about his kids, and we had both agreed to stay at his house for the night. He didn’t want to leave me alone, but he couldn’t make it five feet without me holding him steady.  

The walk seemed to take barely any time at all, but that might have been because we were laughing the whole time. At one point, we had both ended up on the grimy, cobblestone path after he had jokingly pushed me away after I made a dirty joke. I fell over onto the ground, pulling him down with me without thinking about it.  

By the time we made it back to his house, I could see the sun rising, and I was dead tired. His house was nice, a bit dirty with all the kids running around, but it was something I could see myself living in.  

“This is a nice home,” I said, running my hand along the couch. I could see toys stuffed haphazardly under the coffee table.  

John grinned from where he was leaned against the door. “I’m glad you think so.”  

I stumbled a bit as I walked back towards him. “I’ll sleep on the couch, if that’s okay.”  

John shook his head. “You can take my bed. I couldn’t let you sleep there. It’s fuckin’ shit, it is. Slept on it once and my back was fucked for weeks.”  

“Well, then, why would I let you sleep there? I don’t want your back to be hurt!” I giggled and leaned into him, wrapping my arms around his neck. “That wouldn’t be very good, would it?” My breath fanned across his neck, and John shivered.  

“Well, I think I have the best idea yet. We can both sleep in the bed.” John leaned back again before leaning forward and kissing me. I reciprocated quickly, but it was a languid kind of kiss that had me melting into him. I’ve never kissed someone let alone gone home with someone this soon into knowing them, but John was different. I felt like I could trust him.  

I pressed my forehead to his shoulder again and sighed. I was tired. Working in the bar took a lot out of me and getting drunk certainly didn’t help.  

John seemed tired too, and we both stumbled around the apartment before falling into his bedroom and directly onto his bed. I barely had the sense of mind to take off my shoes before promptly falling asleep.  

I couldn’t deny that waking up the next day beside a half-naked John Shelby was the best morning I had in a while, even when two of his daughters came running in, yelling about the night they had at Polly’s. The happiness only intensified when John woke up and turned, pressing his lips to my cheek and asking me if I’d like to have lunch with him. Sober.  

#john shelby #john shelby x reader #john shelby imagine #peaky blinders #peaky fookin blinders #peaky blinders x reader #john shelby fic

[ain-t-bovvered]

15X12 Commentary

Bunch of tired and caffeinated Europeans ( plus a sleepy American) scream together, and then die and try to get on with their day ( lol AS IF)

@smol-and-grumpy​​​​ (Nat)

@dean-winchesters-bacon​​​​  (Kat)  

@waywardbaby​​  (Zee)

@ain-t-bovvered  (Giulia)

Nat: welp i guess we'll start?

Giulia: Ye

Zee: I know we’re not ready but yes

Nat: count as usual?

Giulia: U r the only one ready snort

Zee: Shush I’m faking it

Nat: 3

Nat: 2

Nat: 1

Nat: go

Zee: The recap

Giulia: Already hate it

Giulia: ...kaia

Giulia: Ok but i loved dean shout there

Giulia: But i also don t give a fuck about kaia

Nat: i could make a list of people i don't give a fuck about

Giulia: Why the empty has a dick

Nat: earth 2

Giulia: Look how much-waisted air time

Nat: this better go somewhere

Zee: What is he on?

Giulia: Oh look das me every time a clerk looks too clingy

Zee: President Hillary Clinton

Giulia: Nice

Giulia: Radio shed ads look like mediaworld *winks in italian*

Zee: Can he shut up?

Giulia: Nerd

Giulia: Oh and another nerd

Nat: weird that on every earth people are still dumb as fuck

Giulia: The World

Zee: Oh no

Giulia: Yeah that looks my kinda world

Giulia: Aaah beard dean

Zee: Other toys

Nat: He can't even make a world that's gonna function

Giulia: I can get what I want from a hundred worlds

Giulia: What she said

God/ ME A DESTIEL SHIPPER ABOUT DESTIEL ENDGAME: Dean says I'm not gonna get the ending I want. And I don't know. Maybe... I...I mean, that shouldn't matter, right?  I've gotten what I want from hundred of Sams and Deans. I could get what I want from a hundred more. And I don't care.

Nat: you can see the green screen. I mean him standing before one

Giulia: Amazing

Zee: Clear the board

Giulia: Can he clean this one too. I think he’s already doing it

Nat: our world

Nat: how do you know. still, he doesn't take out the dumb

Zee: Vegan

Giulia: ...vegan lasagna *cringes in Italian*

Giulia: Because he feels for them. Between similars u no

Giulia: Aah veins

Zee: I still don’t like it

Giulia: Ah so we are actually where we left off. I can tell u where my head is

Zee: I can tell you where I want his head to be

Giulia: Ooooh nice

Giulia: Look at Jack hair tho

Giulia: BABE

Nat: "I HAVE SPEND TIME WITH HER" *wink wink nudge nudge*

Giulia: 50k

Giulia: Scythe kink

Nat: ouch

Zee: FOCUS

Giulia: Bottom Dean

Nat: on what? dildo scythe?

Giulia: Please comment and reblog

Giulia: Hey

Giulia: No OnE

Zee: Is jack chubbier?

Giulia: Don t talk to my son like this

Zee: Sam should stop doing that thing with his face

Nat: He's just older

Giulia: I can count his gray hair

Giulia: ...

Giulia: AAAAAAAAH beautiful

Zee: How domestic

Giulia: Babe

Zee: Look at that little smile

Giulia: SO CUTE

Giulia: thank you for a small bubble of happiness. That shook my soul a bit

Zee: They seem a little happy. I’m scared. Oh there it is

Giulia: That’s a fancy-ass whiskey bottle. I want it

Zee: Kaia came looking for the spear

Giulia: Cute where is cas

Zee: Babysitting

Giulia: Of course she kicks their asses

Giulia: I wanna choke him too

Nat: they can't even fight one small girl. they're getting old

Zee: Can he get any deeper?

Giulia: What she said

Zee: THE VOIVE I MEAN

Giulia: Oh come on HOW CONVENIENT

Giulia: they pulled a Mary Winchester

Zee: Snort

Nat: i don't know what to think about all this

Giulia: Oh looks it’s us after the coronavirus. Eating lizards

Nat: I mean

Giulia: I just watch

Nat: I would eat it 🤷🏻‍♀

Zee: Dean said not tasted kinda decent

Nat: do I have to

Zee: YES

Giulia: SNORT

Zee: SEE? Babysitting

Giulia: ...listen….How in the hell...War Strategist angel of the lord cas loses at force 4. Fuck off

Giulia: Always makeup on point

Giulia: Not Kaia not helping

Nat: oh I see jody had time for lash extensions

Giulia: She must not be in quarantine

Giulia: ...La piegatrice mondiale. What a horrible translation

Giulia: Oh dean has nice hair. I wanna pull it

Zee: This is going so well

Giulia: Look at cas hair

Nat: He always goes like "Cas-tee-el"

Giulia: Tee-el

Zee: Are you only looking at hair?

Giulia: Cas sounds so done

Zee: But so good

Giulia: WHAT A SOFT LOOK I HATE IT DON T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT

Giulia: A bit of a smokey eye on Kaia, What she used? Burned sticks? charcoal? Burned lizard’s tails?

Zee: Is it me or Jody looks older and Cas looks younger?

Nat: sorry but not Kaia can go fuck herself

Giulia: WHATEVER

Nat: so much airtime

Giulia: WASTED

Giulia: ...Shouldn’t he be strong af

Nat: I hate that the female's make up is always on point.

Zee: He’s gonna do something stupid

Giulia: Definition of a Winchester

Giulia: What a dad tone

Nat: I like Merl. Merl is me

Giulia: HEEEEY

Giulia: AHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Giulia: AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Nat: Winchester dumb

Zee: Winchester dumb

Giulia: what a mood

Nat: she's my fave character

Giulia: I love her

Nat: i want her in all the ep

Giulia: I stan her

Nat: give her more air time

Giulia: She’s the smartest in the room

Giulia: What a sassy reaper. Like my fav sassy demon

Giulia: I love how the Winchesters are there watching, being all: yup, that’s our dumb kid

Nat: Winchester stupid

Zee: They know she’s right

Giulia: DONT BORROW MY ANGEL LIKE A BATTERY

Zee: Dead angel walking

Nat: I seriously thought Cas holds out the cup he ejaculated in like in a sperm bank

Giulia: Can I unread this

Nat: No u can't, that's what happens when I’m in lockdown

Giulia: Look at that cutie with his cute backpack

Nat: boy scout dean

Zee: Sam’s smirk

Giulia: Babysitting again

Giulia: BS angel chivalry

Giulia: SHE’S SO DONE

Giulia: love it

Nat: she should have said "in your own time"

Giulia: Me and you have all eternity, they don’t

Giulia: ...wasting seconds of intense glares

Giulia: Oh look the gremlins again

Giulia: The last healthy Italians vs the infected ones

Giulia: Last Toilet paper’s rolls and dumb scared people

Nat: snorts

Zee: You’re on a roll

Giulia: Dean eyelashes are fluttering in the wind. Sam needs a hair elastic

Nat: I wish something else would flutter in the wind

Giulia: my fucks

Zee: Hey kid

Giulia: WHY ARE THEY HUGGING

Zee: It’s before corona

Nat: I thought they didn't like each other that much

Giulia: Exactly. They have like 0 relationship, I don’t understand

Nat: It's weird.

Nat: if she should hug someone it should be sam. but what do I know

Zee: Have y’all understood the point of all this? Cause I haven’t

Giulia: Literally none

Nat: I’m bothered by all the other things

Giulia: She had time to do her eyelashes

Nat: so we did literally waste an ep with getting Kaia back, like for real? I watched this?

Giulia: ...AH

Nat: you know the last season could have been so fucking good

Zee: Wtf?

Giulia: K

Nat: ah

Zee: She found out

Giulia: What a meme

Giulia: Billy: last season

The reaper: my joy

Giulia: Death is angry

Zee: I was busy In Italy

Giulia: Oh wow

Nat: Merl had one job

Giulia: The writers had one job

Nat: Billy is us because she has no patience in them wasting an ep freeing Kaia

Giulia: Then u killed me

Giulia: Smoulder time

Giulia: Aaaah a baby

Zee: What?

Nat: Meh

Giulia: Why

Nat: God's destruction is Jack

Giulia: Another meme

Giulia: Writers

Giulia: Us asking if season15 will be amazing

Nat: right

Giulia: Go watch the promo

Nat: is that a fiat

Giulia: That’s a 500, my old car snort

Nat: Are they gay antiques, dealers

Zee: Apart from the reaper everything else was pretty lame. We waited almost two months for that?

Giulia: We went through corona for that

Nat: they look like gay antique dealers. especially being outraged when Sam has to lose the man bun

Giulia: With their cardigans and shit

Giulia: We should all live together. Yikes. They gonna die

Nat: they would scream

Giulia: High pitched

Zee: Tf did I just watch ? Loved deans bracelets tho

Giulia: They’re Jensen’s . Probably

Giulia: Oh maybe they are sam and dean that grew up as men of letters

Zee: Gay men of letters

Giulia: Can they get hot and bothered by Castiel?

Zee: Maybe not both of them

Giulia: Nah Nah both

Zee: Will the angel be gay too?

Giulia: There will be no angel probably. Also, Angels are probably sexless so who cares.

Kat: Y’all finished?

Giulia: Yup

Zee: Yes

Kat: And?

Giulia: WHERE IS THE FLAVOUR

Zee: LLLAAAAMMMEEE

Nat: I wasted my time

Kat: Yeah. Who gives a flying fuck about Kaia. Literally no one

Giulia: guess they are tying the loose ends

Kat: No one has thought about her in 2 years, she was a dead end

Giulia: Idk what the point was

Kat: Idk to have Jack use his powers for some reason? Surely they could have found something better

Giulia: Idk man. Between this fucking virus and jib and life and this writing, I’m very much blegh. I mean I love my boys. But

Zee: Let’s just hope they give them a decent ending and not something so lame that it will ruin everything

Nat: You love them and you want the best for them. not half-assed writing

Giulia: Yeah

Nat: lol what show have you been watching the last season

Kat: Yeah. It’ll be ruined. I have no hope of anything else

Nat: I don't have much hope but also that will maybe make me feel better when it's not as bad as I think it will be

Zee: I know but I can’t let it drag me down

Giulia: Yup

.

.

.

If you want to get tagged send an ask HERE or to @waywardbaby​​ or a smoke signal, idk whatever I’m tired af.

TAGS: @wayward-angelgirl​​​​  @destiel-honeypie​​​​      @mariekoukie6661​​​​      @dragontamerm​​​​       @closetspngirl​​​​    @rainflowermoon​​​​     @mattiecat​​​​       @bunnybaby121115​​​​  @aliaitee2​​    @jacks-word-of-the-day​​​​     @4evamc​​​​       @dammitsammy​​​​     @legendary-destiel​​​​   @winchesterprincessbride​​​​    @destielhoneybee​​​​​    @castiellover20   @ravenhg​​​​ @evvvissticante​​​​ @emoryhemsworth​​​​​ @markofdean79​​​​ @janndishsstuff​

#supernatural 15x12 #15x12 galaxy brain #spn 15x12 #Episode commentary #SUPERNATURAL COMMENTARY #spn commentary #15x12 commentary #spn gifs #dean winchester #Sam Winchester #castiel

[sugar-petals]

; sublime (m) ║ reader ✕ merman!jjk

↳ summary: only you can save him.

8k words | smut, action, fantasy

⚠️ angst, themes of persecution & violence, unprotected sex, graphic.

a/n | Needed to reupload, it’s been in an ask format. Second chapter included. request: “Would u be willing to do a merman jk x reader smut?” (rosewell-love​)

There’s a dead body on your private beach.

Or so you think. You’ve spotted it going out for your early morning walk with a bottle of water and light trainers. Busan’s late summer has been merciful with the weather so far, so you wanted to tick your two-mile goal on the schedule again. 

From afar you already knew that whatever laid there in the silt was nothing of the regular. The colors that struck you against the mellow rising sun seemed blueish, strangely vivid. If it was a water corpse, sure it could be decaying like this. You dare to tread closer, crossing into muddier seafloor now. 

Normally, you preferred to stay where the sand was dry and solid to walk on. There is no foul smell as you approach, or scraps of cloth, anything like that. Just algae all around. A few feet away, you begin to understand: This is not a human body. 

You’ve heard about sightings of stranded mermen in the news. Authorities were quick to dismiss rumors of violent interventions. They assured that the police would take care of the situation professionally without citizen being able to watch. 

The senior locals thought of merpeople as threats or oddities of nature, too peculiar to interact with. There were stories about women who interacted closely getting abducted, bitten, or strangled to death by such creatures. It was treated like a myth while the tabloids and fisherman’s accounts said otherwise.

Mermen were usually described with distorted complexions, crooked bones, and blood-shot eyes. They stink abominably, one reporter said. The universal instruction by the mayor had been equally hideous: Kill, or run. The latter being less preferred because they had to be chased, exploited, and wiped out collectively when you read between the lines. 

Last year, there had been gossip about a group of men - designated hunters - sawing off a living merman’s tail and selling it on the black market. Any chopped off hair would bring half a million, too. A million with the scalp attached. The mayor propagated the extermination of these “slimy beasts” when an issue surfaced, all while keeping a trophy fin in his living room, that you were sure of.  

But the motionless boy right below you does not appear monstrous at all. His features are almost resemblant to what can be considered human despite that he came from the sea. The upper body, at least. Who knows what kind of world is out there. The contrived stories made you mad, they had been all lies. 

Even if your trainers are now completely sunk in, you close the distance entirely.

You look at him with concern. Why is he here, like this, so close to the coast? Your eyes roam up and down, up and down. The cerulean little scales splattered all over his large tail, the sapphire beads around his neck, next to coral lobster claws. 

His beauty erases everything in your mind. The teal and silver mane that falls in soft waves and purple braids. They are really, really long and gleaming with an enigma that you fail to grasp. How could anyone be cruel enough to maim him. Everything about this boy had to stay wherever it was. 

You inspect his body closer to look for injuries, but there are none. He plainly seems drained, but impossibly beautiful at the same time. His chest is still moving, but both eyes remained closed. You don’t know if mermen can get unconscious. 

Perhaps he is just asleep. So ethereal. It all proved the envious locals very dirty liars. They’re conspiring because they know very well how alluring they look like. Since only mermen have been spotted, all efforts to deter every woman in town from getting just one glimpse were rampant. 

No human male could quite compare. Except maybe your gay friend and neighbor Taehyung who might just drop dead if he were here. If your female friends saw this boy, the ones who were married would file for divorce. The truly despicable vermin were the conservative men of this town. 

Certainly, there are different rules of anatomy and physics that apply to mermen that nobody has ever talked about on shore. You only see that the gills at the sides of his torso flutter hectically. It takes some time until you put two and two together. The falling tide that’s now miles away, it must have left him here. Maybe he lost a sense of direction and got caught by surprise. What an odyssey. 

He needs water, desperately. Of course he looks drained, and that’s more urgent than you assumed. You have to hurry up and do something not to see him fade away in front of your eyes. But, where to get it. It would have been straightforward if you hadn’t forgotten carrying a water bottle all along. 

You’re hesitant to touch him, but eventually get yourself to rub the sides of his torso, pouring water bit by bit. His skin is so delicate that you don’t dare to apply pressure. His eyes flutter once, and you think he can see what you are doing. 

But you did not bring enough water to sustain this moment. At least you know there’s still a chance.

There’s no other option, then. You sprint back to your house, pulse working overtime until you find the long-ignored supply closet key. 

An old plastic cover splattered with color comes into sight. It has been formerly used by Taehyung who asked to depict the scenery at your beach. He’s a painter, but too much of a literal fine artist to leave anything sturdy at your house. You keep searching. 

At the back, there’s a soiled, but still functional sailcloth with rope running through its eyelets. Hauling that to the beach would not be possible if you weren’t pumped with adrenaline and sheer panic. It has been a huge risk having him left alone out there. This all takes too damn long.

The relief finding him untouched gives you more assurance. The sail sticks to the ground in no time spreading it out next to him. An attempt to roll him onto there using a shove of two hands fails. Only a rope tied around his waist gives everything a decent impetus. Once he’s in place, you pull the canvas tight with the rope and start dragging. But oh my, is he heavy. It’s the colossal tail that probably weighs the most, gravity has no mercy on your arms today. 

It takes a few painstaking feet until the cloth starts to run smoothly on the wet ground. Through the dewy lawn of your property, it works much better until your trainers go on a strike. Next time you’ll go to the beach with heavy boots. It’s better with bare feet then, though you encounter another problem. The grass isn’t particularly even, so you have to maneuver around a bump or two. The 10 x 20 feet swimming pool comes into sight quite tardily.

He slumps into the water with a dull splash. You made it by the skin of your teeth and everything hurts. It’s a miracle. The water is uncomfortably icy as you enter, grabbing hold of his shoulders. You have to remind yourself to be careful, washing away all remnants of sand and dirt. The filtration system will take care of it. Again you note how silky the texture of his skin and scales is, clearly not made for life ashore. Before the water starts to paralyze you more with its frostiness, you decide to submerge him completely at the bottom of the pool. Different laws of physics, you remind yourself. For a human, air would basically be like water for him. His own weight sustains him down there well as of now. Begrudgingly, you leave to change clothes.

It’s good that your backyard is surrounded by copious palisades. You do hope nobody observed anything, thinking you transported some carcass or worse, and check back just three minutes later. The garden gate is firmly locked already but doesn’t do much to pacify your feelings of imminent paranoia. So the balcony is a good place to stay where you can sit with your laptop to catch up with pressing work. Any concentration is still out the window though, and any noise snaps you out of typing in emails. 

The pool water rouses after the nearby church bell strikes 11 am. You return to the gazebo next to the pool to look if you’re not hallucinating, met with huge, dark eyes. They’re Prussian blue and almost doe-like. He’s leaning at the edge, two arms propped up.

“Thank you, madam. You didn’t have to do this,” he dabbles quite gently, stirring the water with his tail to cause ripples. His voice is very pleasant and friendly, youthful. Never did you think he would be able to speak your language. Everything comes unexpected today.

“Nevermind,” you respond, trying not to show both incredulousness and unease. There is no way in making this sound like a proper conversation, but you try. He called you madam, after all. 

”I came to pry for shells and lost my sense of time. It’s my bad.”

You squat down at the edge of the pool at some distance. This seems all too much at once. Yet you have to gather words to let him know.

“Don’t, don’t say that. I can’t let you die out there. To see you become food in a tin can if a hunter or the police come along.”

It strikes a chord with him, and you instantly regret saying it.

“I know who they are. Their prejudice has killed one of my brothers not long ago.” He’s downcast now, impossibly sad. You know who this brother was. A little glistening tear makes its way down his cheek, he picks it up with thumb and index finger. It has turned into a small pearl. “You’re not like them. I can be glad you picked me up without fear or reporting it.” 

You enclose the shiny gift with two palms as he passes over the bead. When you tuck it away, it rests in the breast pocket of your blouse. The merman looks very relieved to see you accept it.

“It’s not over yet. But I guess I did the right things so far. You’re alive. I hope I can drag you back at high tide. Or do you need more time?”

“My body regenerated. But my mind, I feel very strange and dizzy, still. Tomorrow.”

“Shit… it’s the chlorine in the water. I don’t think that’s good for you.”

“Chlorine?”

You wonder why he speaks your language perfectly but doesn’t know this.

“To disinfect bacteria dangerous to humans. For you, it might just be nauseating. Maybe because you’re not used to it, or sensitive. Wait, I’ll use the pool filter. I have one.” 

While you take care of the pump and also clean away some debris, the curious merman lingers closely. 

“Did I tell you my name yet? I’m Jungkook. I have a question, actually. It might sound weird.”

You look up from your task. Jungkook. It’s fitting.

“Just go ahead. I’m Y/N.”

“Why do you have a pool next to the sea?”

He’s a bright guy. You understand where the query is coming from, too.

“I do love the sea like you. But the waves are too high. It’s dangerous to bathe there without a vigilant eye. You’ve seen what happened. I prefer to swim here, especially when it’s warmer.”

“Oh, I forgot,” he marvels at you, “humans can’t swim that well in the cold.”

“It’s true. We have trouble moving around mermen as well,” you chuckle, glad your work at the pump is completed. You stand up to return to Jungkook. His presence is soothing, almost familiar. 

In that very moment, hasty knocks and rattles resound from the garden gate.

Jungkook immerses himself in water within a split second. He’s diving down faster than you can say anything, in fact. The pool’s surrounding bushes have saved you from being seen with him, thankfully, but your feeling tells you to hurry to the gate as soon as you can. But you have to stop yourself from being in a rush not to be suspicious. It’s painfully obvious who it is from a distance already. You’re in trouble. 

It’s Taehyung.

“Oh hey, hey! I rang the doorbell — nobody responded. Figured you’re here! How ya doin’?”

A hurricane as usual. You keep the gate locked. He’s looking at you through the metal bars with inquisitive eyes.

“What do you want, Kim… I’m busy.”

“Sorry, just looking for my painting cover. Do you still have it? Am gone in a minute.”

“Sure.” 

You spin around and race inside without further ado. Taehyung must think you have gone completely mad now, but knowing Jungkook is likely having a heart attack down there you would waste no second. You return breathless, red blotches all over the face. He rolls his eyes.

“Slow down, slow down, Noona. It’s Sunday. God, heterosexual people. Always caught in such a fuss.”

“They are. Now, here. Take it. Just, buzz off now, Kim. Got things to do.” 

And again, you spin around on your heel and hear him trot away sulking, but clenching his long-lost cover tight. He said he’s gone in a minute, then he has to deal with it. You’ll have to come up with something very intricate to appease him next time when he mocks you for it. And you are sure he will, because Taehyung notices when something’s off. Telling him the truth would be like being Taylor Swift’s boyfriend, he would just broadcast everything.

You dash back and lean over the pool for Jungkook to recognize you. But nothing moves. He’s right about staying where he is. If the police coerced you to be their decoy, luring him out, he’d be dead. Jungkook, that is indisputable to you, continues to prove being very sharp save being aware of tides. The media never talked about merpeople being this people-conscious and easily intimidated. They’re just drawing them as evil to get hunting permission. Vicious pigs. 

You want to make them fall. 

There’s something else that strikes you, watching for activity in the pool. There must be a way that merpeople gather excessive knowledge about humans. Or it might be a contact person. But you don’t want to know, it might be a way to trace them back. Such a secret must never be revealed, you know you’ll take all this to your grave to protect him. It would be good to tell your story to everyone so they would change their mind. But the police was hawk-eyed and knew how to press for information. 

They’d be hellbent and relentless to slit his throat as soon as they could. Officials and hunters had methods to find him if it was not too far out in the ocean. Or they would just wait until he came back to you sooner or later. You are sure that he will. He’s feeling indebted. And attached. You’re too. You dread the day, and tomorrow’s goodbye if it actually comes. 

You have to admit it: This propelled you into a gigantic mess. You already felt your heart burst when Taehyung knocked. You have to guard Jungkook from a greater fuck-up, come what may. 

With the entire government of Busan or even Seoul against you when your secret ever goes public. Because they want to keep it on the low, too, and would stop at nothing. You did not go against the law but social customs and conservative morale, and those are by far more powerful. 

You rip off your blouse and pants and toss them on the balcony. Your tank top is hardly suitable for the temperature, but the pool water is slightly warmer as you get in slowly. The chlorine has faded. The first good news for today.

Diving down, Jungkook appears curled up in the deepest, darkest corner, holding his hair together so it won’t float up and betray him. Most of the fright on his face dissolves when you give an intent thumbs up. These mermen understand so much about your culture. You cannot let go of this thought. How could he know?

Swimming closer, you seize him by the hands, nodding your head toward the surface. He pulls you up with ease, fast and agile. Emerging, you have to draw several breaths. He looks around frantically. You hope this didn’t traumatize him.  

“It was my neighbour friend asking for art supplies. He left and didn’t see anything. Nobody else around. We’re good. Jungkook, it’s alright. It was just a friend.”

It’s Sunday, thankfully.

“I was so afraid… There was a vision, I was bleeding!”

“It’s okay now. There’s no blood. I protect you, nothing will happen.”

It’s of no use. He can’t stop looking around. Jungkook needs something to ground him. 

A little kiss on the forehead. 

It makes his cheeks turn cobalt blue. You feel how his tail sways back and forth a bit quicker. You part your legs wider so they won’t crush his fin in between. 

“I will handle it. If I can pull you out of the mud, then I can subdue them when they ever show up. You just have to hide. Jungkook.”

It’s self-persuasion and hoping for a self-fulfilling prophecy. But you’re beaming at him, and his smile grows just as large.

“Y/N, you’re very strong. I wouldn’t know where I’d be without your help. You hardly knew me, just my kin.” 

“So did you. But you didn’t freak out when you were awake.”

He nods emphatically.

“I felt your hands on my gills. It was very nice. Like waves. I knew you were benevolent, you resemble the sea when you move. No bad person does this. Can you… again? Only if you want, I—”

What he said stuns you for seconds. Your hands move to his upper body on autopilot. 

“Like, like this?”

Jungkook sighs a mellowed yes when you start to stimulate his sides. His gills are much more relaxed than at the beach. After some strokes, you’re leaning in so much that his arms virtually just have to close an inch around you for an embrace. 

He clings to you in a tight hug, your lips coming up to meet his. Whatever magic or trick he is using, they feel curiously sparkling and slightly saline after a while. It’s magnificent. Meanwhile, your breasts are squeezed flat against his chest, feeling how Jungkook’s heartbeat accelerates. Much like his fin that’s bringing more of his tail between your legs. You pull them upwards a bit, but inevitably he brushes against your pubes. You thought it would be awkward. But something about his body infatuates your skin like an ancient charm. 

“Apologies Y/N, I didn’t mean to!”

“Don’t be sorry. Just, fuck… do it again. Feels awesome. You can be yourself with me.”

He understands, bringing his tail stark forward this time. Shit. Your clit says yes to that. So does your face judging by how he reacts, a lot keener than before.  

“Jungkook, I have a weird question, too,” you brush back against him, “Is it possible, I mean. Can you penetrate me somehow, or…?”

He’s blushing a second time.

“I can peel the scales apart at the front.”

And he does it. 

Oh wow.

He has the most gorgeous shaft you’ve ever seen. Clad in lustrous, thin scales sprouts forth a splendid length tinted in jade. It sojourns hard and upright, poking heavy at your clit and entrance only separated by your underwear. 

“You can’t impregnate me, right?”

“I can’t. Human egg cells are too small and not receptive.”

That has you wondering, and quite amused how he said that. It means something big is coming. Sounds like fun.

“Can I ride you then?”

“You can do anything, really.”

It can’t get any hotter. Thankfully, you’re half undressed already. The panties you had left on soon float elsewhere just below the surface, and you’re shoving up the hem of your tank top. His chest feels ten times as invigorating when you’re naked against it. There’s hesitation when you reach for his cock. You don’t want to do anything wrong to hurt him. But Jungkook is encouraging the initiative. And the way he’s dipping at you flicks a plethora of switches. So it’s easy. You slip him in and start to move your hips. Soon you realize it’s a bit difficult to go down further.

“Can I use a spell? It helps.” he exhales. You knew it, he has those abilities.

“Mh, love to see it.”

There he goes. You catch Jungkook whispering a convoluted spell to himself before your walls pop open without further trial. He’s dipping in first, then going half the way already. That’s not normal at all. He knows what he’s doing, though. It’s so, so damn good. 

Jungkook is completely ecstatic. 

Your experience so far has been that sex in water generally… doesn’t go well. No lubrication, no fucking. But no, this has to be the best exception. The practically seamless scales, they’re really doing the trick. The plunge is slick and exciting, going in clean with every bounce. And there’s a quite a stunning lot to slide up and down on, that you get to welcome soon. He’s getting confident to echo the thrust with eyes fixated on yours. 

“Give me more of that,” you insist, leaving both legs wrapped around his wavering tail. It’s almost too slippery to hold on to. But good to sink down smoothly while squeezing deeper inside. You’re pushed upwards the more he fucks into you. His tip is broad enough to anchor you, not letting you glide off easily. But you’re dangerous close to it. So you’re letting yourself drop down on him with more momentum which he has to cushion first, causing your belly to bulge out considerably. You’re obsessed. 

“Lift my legs more, Jungkook!”

Like that, the insides of your thighs graze at his gills, abrasive and brisk. To your surprise, it eventuates in sharper thrusts going for your sweetest spots. The depth that he pursues now starts to stretch you hard and wide on the glossy scales. Jungkook keeps murmuring spells. If this goes on for any longer, that’s a cock riding that would send not only you but Taehyung and the entire neighborhood to the gates of heaven and higher. 

You keep shoving him straight up to dent out your abdomen, and he’s making it so salacious with his little moans. When you’re grabbing for hold at his shoulders, Jungkook warns you about his precum. Indeed it’s not to underestimate when you feel it, making everything two times as sleek. You slump down completely now, surprised not to feel any trace of balls against your ass. 

Different anatomy. 

Normal men need cooling for their sperm outside of their body, otherwise they would not survive. Jungkook? He’s got something else going on. Busan’s sea is not notoriously warm.

“Intertwine your fingers in my hair, Y/N—”

“What? Can I really do that?”

It sounds like heresy to your ears. 

“It’ll stimulate you, do it quickly,” he persists, and your fingers seek a place in his silky mane. And Christ, he’s right. There’s a rapid sedation of the anxious thoughts at the back of your mind. Instead, you’re feeling an immense euphoria descend from your spine down to your loins. Jungkook whimpers while you’re drilling him deeper with all your power. Slowly but surely, you lose yourself in his dazzling ocean hair. You’re so happy now. Nothing matters. Just you together within the blur of everything else. 

Fuck society. Fuck it, fuck it, fuck it. 

Jungkook’s moans have grown incomprehensible. Both of your hands soak up more of the sky blue energy. And once you grab the strands tighter, an overwhelming current verberates in your back until you’re ready and cumming. The world is so elated, nothing can bring your hands away from his hair. It’s pushing you to the limit incessantly. Better than any drug trip, better than the feeling after you ran your second marathon. You’re climaxing so vigorously on him that twenty seconds in, something effervescent and tingly begins to pour into your womb like a bursting well. His unearthly groaning gives you an idea of how much it shatters and empties him. You get filled to the brim and it won’t stop. Of course, he’s significantly larger than the average human — much semen to store then, by your logic at least. You do get a glimpse of the proportions as Jungkook keeps cramming loads and loads past your cervix while your orgasm keeps electrifying even the last corner of your body.  

The well won’t cease. He keeps moving until you’re entirely pumped full with an all creamy, tickling substance. You try to keep everything in not to leak it into the water. But it’s too much. With each of his last thrusts, the bulk of it just comes spilling out. A shimmering, dark cyan liquid rises to the surface in gradient plumes, mixed with streaks of your cum. It looks like fluid shapes of orchids showing as a supple iridescent foam. 

And it turns golden.

The scent gives you a feeling of the hours after rain in spring. Jungkook picks up a decent bit of the foam with two fingers, slipping them into his mouth. He leans in to kiss you again as you reach the aftermath of your peak that threatens to leave you bland. But what happens now makes you tighten around his dick once again, seizing out more to splutter inside.   

On your tongue unfold an explosion of jasmine blended with peppermint, thyme, fresh raspberries, wild honey, and even something like caramel. There was no way you would have been prepared for this. You had expected something like a sea breeze, but this beats all that you could imagine. Because beyond approximation, you can’t really describe what it is like. 

You swallow fast and retreat one hand from his hair to pick up something yourself. This is the best thing you’ve ever tasted. It can’t be called an actual thing, in fact, it’s more than that. It has to be an artifact. A magic potion that you want to bottle up and drink all day, sweet and glowing. 

It’s like alchemy. 

And you’re so deliciously stuffed with that now.  

Before you pull him out, all the negative pressure culminates. Then, the rest of his seed bubbles up placidly. The gaping feels like you just jammed a baseball bat inside of yourself, reckless abandon with a Himalaya of premium coke up your nose. Complete inebriation. 

Water streams in and flushes out the final strands of cyan when his following spells seal you tight. Jungkook holds you firm until you detangle his hair with your remaining hand, then place it on his cheek. If there were mermaids out there, they’d be the luckiest women on the entire planet. 

“Kook”, you whisper with an unwinding tremble, “you’re amazing.”

Anchoring an old khaki tent next to the pool takes some time, but you remember something about the manual. This goes here, that goes there, and this is how you zip up a sleeping bag. Jungkook giggles along. You can’t afford to sleep inside tonight. You only move your blouse to the safety of your wardrobe and get a snack, switch on the lights of the balcony to illuminate the garden for the rest of the evening. He’s singing for you.

The next day is grueling because you have to go to work. But before leaving, you relocate Jungkook to the bathtub as fast as possible, leaving him your phone with a short explanation so he can call you and vice versa. The anxiety comes back.  

He gets lighthearted leisure magazines and books to spend the time, and devours them. History, art, fashion, beauty, celebrities, health, sports, food, philosophy, fantasy, comedy. He also asks for a globe and celestial map, saying his uncle vaguely told him about it. Maybe it’s good that he knows a bit more about the mainland when he returns. You don’t want to let him go with the same ideas he had before, give him a bit of faith in the good things you had here. The other side of the coin, even if it was just a glimpse of hope. 

Though you didn’t expect him to return to your mansion in any way. Humanity is already terrifying enough. Especially after his loss. This should not happen again. You decide to leave him your trusted chef knife and a word of caution. He doesn’t know how to use it so you teach him the technique. He says he wouldn’t be any better than his attackers if there were some. You try to clarify that it’s the way humans act sometimes. Tit for tat. And he has all the right and responsibility to defend himself under threat, otherwise, he would never be able to see the stars again. 

At 10 am you give him a short call. He’s fine, quite mesmerized how the phone works, and just a bit hungry. You decide not to spend lunchtime in the city, but speed your car to a local supermarket and deli, looking for seaweed. Returning home Jungkook is still in his place, having managed to drop Terry Pratchett and J. K. Rowling into the water. But all else is as before. In the afternoon, you call him twice. He talks about the invention of the lightbulb, pasta salad, Kant, and how nicely Tolkien writes about Hobbits. Work passes torturously slow, the keyboard in front of you blurs each time your mind drifts away. You go home early, leaving your subordinates Jimin and Seokjin a bit puzzled at a shallow excuse. If only they knew.

It’s way after dawn when you move him out of the bathroom. Jungkook gets the idea that you could just use a wheelbarrow this time, knowing you own one after having had enough hours to glance around your garden already. You fill a bit of water into it and pick boots with a sturdy profile. And it works, the leverage is much better on the arms. You arrive at the beach laughing and joking together how silly of a duo you must look like. Jungkook has already given his word to come back in two days around the same time. 

The tide is close enough for you to take him to the water. He parts reluctantly with five, six, seven sublime kisses. You hope he wasn’t missed by his family. Busan’s nocturnal skyline radiates from afar when you watch him swim east ever so elegantly.  

It’s hard to find any sleep later. Your arms still ache like hell from dragging him. And so many things are going through your head. You end up outside in the tent after taking a quick shower, pretending he’s still there. Jungkook has last started a chapter from the Chronicles of Narnia, and you put yourself in a tired daze finishing it. Work tomorrow is going to be so hard.

Jimin asks if you’re okay while he organizes some files, but doesn’t comment anything further. You resume typing with the feeling that you are now leading a double life. Taehyung’s words come back: Slow down, slow down. And you do. Wednesday you will see him at the bay, everything is alright. Who knows what you will do afterwards, how often you will meet. Maybe it’s good not to make him cross into dangerous territory regularly, or at least you should look for more hidden places. You’ll make it.

Two days after, you receive an early mail. You’re drowsy but startled, Taehyung and Jin haven’t sent anything for months. It has to be one of them.

It’s only a red envelope and some strangely filled paper bag. You peel open the red letter first.

It was made with a typewriter. 

“A million and you get the fish back whole. He has a nice buzzcut already. Friday 1 pm, quay. Pull up with the money or you’ll see him on the news. Tell anybody and we will do the same to you.”

Below, the paper is embossed with a saw and hook symbol. 

You drop the bag as soon as you open it. 

There are hundreds of tiny pearls on the floor. 

chapter two ║ i’m no angel (m)

↳ summary | who do you have to become to get him back?

⚠️ graphic violence, threat of drowning, car accident, aftermath of torture.

There’s an old cage.

Bars bent and crooked.

Not abandoned, just empty since this very day. You know he must have been inside, nothing else makes sense. The lingering smell around here, it belongs to him. The air is spiked with thyme, the scent of grass after it rained. It’s familiar. It’s so painful. You go on searching every corner of the hangar in a fever. It looks like a warehouse from the inside, stuffed with tools and other miscellaneous equipment.

Some wood, nails. Discarded tires. You’ve seen some of them on the SUV you followed to Busan city limits. You try to memorize the letters and numbers on them. AZ1-5986. Whatever that means. It could be of help later since you don’t know the SUV’s license plate.

As you remember that it’d be straightforward to just photograph the tires with your phone, a faint knocking sets your world on fire. It keeps repeating, they are fast and erratic knocks. Not mechanical ones. Not calm ones.

You hurry into the direction where you suspect they are coming from. There’s no doubt in your mind that you should not go. It’s the only sign of life, or whatever it is in this building. Somewhere, somewhere at the back behind two parked up seaplanes, timeworn and half deconstructed, there you locate it. A moss-covered fish tank is jammed between a humongous workbench and a freezer. A tail rests and winds grazing tight against the glass inside. Oh my god.

Yes, it’s him. You unbolt the lid, bring it down crashing on the freezer. Jungkook spins around inside the tank until his face comes to the surface. Pale grey eyes. Charcoal hair, cropped short. Pursed lips and a tapered chin. An Ingenue look. He’s agitated.

“I’ve heard you calling for him, you’re the one Jungkook’s talked about!”

No. It’s not Jungkook. Not his voice, not his face. Too lean, not sturdy at all. It’s definitely not him. His scent is much different, too. Sweet chestnuts, basil. It’s not familiar.

“Who are you, where is he?”

“Yoongi,” the merman blinks, “I’m his friend. They got us both at once at the beach.”

That’s what you feared. Jungkook’s friends and family getting dragged into this. You wish you had just sent him out as far away as possible where the hunters wouldn’t get him.

“I’m his—”

You don’t know what you are to him. A girlfriend? Hardly. An affair? More than that. It sounds weird anyway. Affairs are not that serious.

“He loves you.”

There it is. Jungkook told him. Lovers might be what describes you best.

“Where is he?”

“They’ve taken him to another place from here this morning. This is just the decoy. They told you to follow the car and fetch him here after paying.”

“They did. And now?”

“These are not the headquarters,” Yoongi props himself up at the edge of the tank. “The shipyard is. You have to go there!”

Of course. This hangar is as good as useless for a permanent stay. It’s just for the dirty work.

“And what happens with you? I won’t leave you here like that. But I can’t transport you in my car, there’s nothing like this tank.”

“It takes half an hour until I can’t go without any water. If you drop me at the sea it’s fine.”

“So I can take you with me?”

“I’ll be grateful forever. Jungkook didn’t lie about how you treat us.”

You steer your car into the hangar backwards, get out again with the engine on, rip the trunk open. The size has to be enough.

The high walls of the fish tank don’t permit you to lift Yoongi out of it. He tries to push himself up with the help of his fin several times, but he’s too large, the glass to slippery, and the tank too narrow. As a last resort, you grab a sledgehammer from the workbench to impact and shatter the glass. The handle is long, maybe 17 or 18 inches, allowing you to step back and lunge quite far. The glass doesn’t break right away. You are not used to wielding something like this. It takes three more strikes until you demolish the front wall. You have to be careful not to hit where Yoongi’s tail squeezes against the glass.

The gush of water Yoongi pushes you back, everything goes into splinters with fragments of glass bursting to the sides, then floating everywhere on the ground. Yoongi cuts himself several times at the arms and lower back before you can pick him up. His chest is flat and cold against yours, his body heavy and close to glide far from your grasp. Less so than Jungkook, but still it feels like the weight is tearing off your arms. His skin is like you’re touching soap.

There’s no sailing cloth or Taehyung’s art supplies this time. You try to heave him up as much as possible so his fin won’t touch the ground, glass cracking under your boots until you reach the car. Yoongi howls with pain when you try to tuck him in. His wounds scratch hard at the trunk’s plastic inlet. You show him how to open and close the tailgate from the inside, then shut it and set off.

It takes ten minutes to the bay.

The boatyard towers over the cranes and docks of the harbor. You speed in order to drive around. And there it is. AZ1-5986. They didn’t park the car inside, no. It stands blazen at the rear entrance. And they met you at 1 PM in the middle of the day. You’ve been tricked by absolute amateurs.

Or not.

There’s a scream coming from the inside. Sharp, heartbreaking.

No time to bring Yoongi to the sea.

You seize the sledgehammer from the passenger seat. And go.

You recognize them at one glance. It’s the small man and red-head woman you saw driving the SUV, the woman being the one you gave the ransom to. She gave cold instructions. The man is currently wearing large gloves, dripping with water. To your surprise, they seem to be alone. The vast silence of the dockyard seems too large to house them here. The woman sneers at you, patting the front of her black leather jacket.

“Your envelope’s still right here, Miss.”

“It will be here soon,” you point towards your own jeans pocket at the front.

She only tugs at her necklace in return. It’s made of colorful hair. Gold, turquoise. Teal and silver. You realized something. Only one thing drives them: cash. And since the government still wants the monopoly in the equation, that will be their eternal aim. Hunters are only tolerated for doing the messy jobs. The profiteer is elsewhere. And with the sums that they trade the mermen, your ransom money is only a temporary achievement, gone tomorrow. It’s not what Jungkook is worth to you anyways. Money can’t measure Jungkook. If only you could hold him.

What your instinct tells you at the sight of the hair is: Killing. No matter if it would alert authorities sooner or later, or bring a gang to your garden. But Jungkook’s words are still at the back of your mind. You don’t know if you’d be ready to be just as bad as they are. Maybe you’re no angel in all of this. You’ve infringed on the circle of life the minute you decided to pour water on Jungkook’s body at the beach. But there’s no way back. You have to be as bad, even worse. For him.

Because there he lies, in a giant tank with another merman with orange tail and skin. It’s close enough to see what’s inside. Pearls are piling up at the ground, and well from his eyes when they lock on you. His hair looks auburn, the long vivid strands are gone. They picked a lot of scales off his tail, too, leaving bloody spots. All the jewelry is nowhere to be seen. Instead, a heavy chain is wound secure around him several times, weighing his body to the ground. The other merman doesn’t have a chain. His scales and hair are removed entirely. They sawed one of his arms off, too. If you can judge by his face, the decaying process has already started. He’s been here for longer.

Your anger is boiling up. The woman’s shallow smile pushes you over the edge at last. She pulls out a soiled drop point knife. You hate her so much. This place has to be wiped out. Erased, cauterized. The entire gang if you have to. You charge gripping the hammer at the top with the right hand, at the bottom with your heft. Before you reach her, the man is wrapping his hands around your neck from behind, pulling you back from her.

One foot, two feet, three. You can’t breathe, panic. The feeling of his gloves is terrifying on your skin, in your mind. But the thought of Jungkook burns inside. Again you focus all energy in your arms. Finally. He takes your elbow to the stomach, cries out, and topples down. Before the man catches himself, you follow your impulse. It’s good that he dragged you away. This is the only chance. You withdraw your right hand from the handle and take a long swing back with all the might in your left arm. You hurl the hammer forward and send it flying towards her legs. The spin knocks her over right away. This tree got cut down. If you could, you’d make wood briquettes. But not now.

He’s coming at you again. Now that she’s unconscious, your job is easy even if your hammer is gone. Men have more frontal weak spots to hit.

He has his gloved fists up. Going towards you slowly. First he tries to suffocate you, now he’s playing fair, doesn’t he. You’ll floor him faster than her. Suits him, he’s the minion. The prick probably sawed apart Jungkook’s brother.

You wait until he comes close enough, put your fists up in return. Shit, shit, shit. Your arms hurt so much. You play the game despite the ache, dancing from foot to foot as he comes in. Then boot nasty fucker in the groin aimed from below, explosive and direct. He stumbles backward with a yell, falling agonized and twitching. You dive after him, leg extended to land a second kick under his chin. His head snaps back. That beats him senseless for once.

But you worry about Yoongi. The trunk. He’s still in there. Since twenty minutes or more. And even if he knows how to get out of there, it’s of no use. He can’t go anywhere. This has to be fast. At the other end of the scene, you pull the envelope from the woman’s jacket, along with a metal key and her necklace. She doesn’t deserve it.

You hurry to Jungkook, hammer all too heavy in your hands again. At one point, your arms are going to fall off your torso. But now you know better. You dash the tank to pieces in one final hurl towards the right spot, entirely graceless but effective. The water swipes you off your feet in a large outpour. Exhaustion is coming.

The splinters are much larger this time and the float glass appears to almost detonate under the pressure released. Jungkook is too heavy to get carried off by the surge. He lands just feet away next to you crying, repeating your name until you manage to stand up leaving the hammer behind.

“I missed you, Jungkook, what—”

“You, you came,” he winces, “are you fine?”

“Don’t ask about me,” you fumble at the lock of his chain, “we’ll get this off, talk is for later.”

“It hurts.”

He’s looking at you from dulled eyes. They might have put him into water, but the life is still drained out of him. You don’t want to imagine what happened. They bound the chain around him so tight that it left purple traces. After it’s off, you already know what to do with it. Jungkook picks an orange scale from his dead friend in the debris, whispering a last goodbye.

The thirty minutes are long over. The trunk is closed when you come out of the backdoor with Jungkook.

You open to a smiling Yoongi the second he sees you and Jungkook in your arms.

“Yoongi, you okay? Left you waiting.”

“Sure, but you?” he ruffles his hair a bit. You blink twice, seeing that it has grown a bit longer and darker since you saw it in the hangar. You noticed that with Jungkook as well, but didn’t put two and two together, or actually believed your own eyes. It must be magic at work. Or different physics.

At a second glance, there’s a decent layer of water in the trunk.

“Yes, they’re in chains. Where does the water come from?”

“You had several bottles of sparkling water in the corner. I like how it tingles, we don’t have that out there. My wounds... it seems they regenerate.”

Of course! The water. You bought it when getting groceries for Jungkook.

“And what do we do with the two?”

“We could take them out with us. But they’re affiliates, they all know about each other.”

“I’ll decide later by myself,” you guide Jungkook onto the rear bench seat. “We need to go...”

You kickstart the car, turn to head for the one-way lane to the docks. As close as your car permits, you maneuver toward the edge where water towers high. The tide is in favor. But there’s commotion at the end of the street where you came from. It’s a truck.

“Hurry!” Jungkook cries, “That’s the rest of them!”

You can’t drive away with them now. If you’re able to drop both off, then you’re already lucky. You drive closer to the water, preparing to unlock the car with your electric key so Yoongi gets the sign to open the trunk. But you soon feel that the car gets out of balance. You look into the rear-view mirror, estimating how much you could still drive backward, or forward. But it’s futile.

The weight in the back drags the car over the edge. You’re screaming. Jungkook tries to counterbalance. The car tips over anyways. It enters the water.

The door won’t open. Water keeps rising. The signal of the keys won’t unlock the car no matter how many times you press the button. Jungkook can’t manage to open the doors either, his strength has faded. The water level has almost reached the ceiling when he stops trying. You’re so far down and out of air, even if you managed to escape now diving upward would make you run out of air already. Maybe a few seconds left and you can say goodbye to this life. You can’t tell Jungkook how much you love him. It’s all too late. Everything, absolutely everything went wrong. Only failure remains. Fucked up from start to finish. Four lives ruined, two dead. You feel a thumping at the back of your head.

Jungkook intertwines his fingers with your hair from behind, whispering something between bubbles before you can’t hear anymore. An immense heat glues your legs together in an instant, melting the fabric of your jeans. A rousing bolt darts through your scalp, your feet stop moving. It feels like your body is bloating everywhere, soaking up water. Webbing springs forth between your fingers, fiery scales around your hips. Your hair starts growing out scarlet and thick, curling large before your eyes. The sides of your upper body start to open up wide, then close again. A burst of air expands in your lungs.

Now you know why Jungkook knew so much about civilized life.

Merpeople used to be human.

⁕ sequel: dauntless (m) | m.list in bio

Do not repost, modify, or translate my work. © 2017-2019. submissive-bangtan. All rights reserved.

#jungkook fanfic #jungkook smut #merman!jungkook #bts smut #bts fanfic #jungkook x reader #sub!jungkook #bts #bangtan #sub!bts #bts scenario #bts imagine #bts fic #bts fanfics #sublime #yoongi smut #yoongi fanfic #bts x reader #bts au #jungkook au #bts hc #bts headcanon #bts x you #bts scenarios #bts reactions #bts imagines #jungkook #jeon jungkook #my dearest fanfic #enjoy

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You don't have to answer this if you don't want to but what's up with the Courtney Love controversy? Why are people accusing her of manipulation or whatever? I'm totally new to this discussion

hey darling!! no worries, I love discussing Kurt & Court bc theyre my surrogate parents and they emotionally raised me when I had a difficult relationship w my Mom and Dad, plus I’m named after Kurt and he’s part of the reason I realized my ~gender~, so needless to say I have a surplus of information on them. Plus their music fucks. anyways, this is gonna be a masterpost-

my credentials(sources I have taken my information and formed my opinion on Kurt & Court’s relationship from if u need to look into them):

-Heavier Than Heaven(Book by Charles Cross, authorized by Kurt’s estate. Charles Cross is a well known grunge/music historian and has literally devoted his life to researching and writing rockstar biographies, including several on Nirvana. One of my favorite books ever.)

- Montage Of Heck(Documentary on Kurt’s life. Produced by his daughter, Frances. I have some heavy criticisms of this film and of the interviews in it, but it does have some reflections on Kurt and Courtney’s relationship that I think are important.)

- Hit So Hard(a documentary on Hole’s drummer, Patty Schemel. Minor discussions of Kurt and Kurt and Courtney.)

- Verse Chorus Verse(Fan-made documentary series on Kurt’s life, widely regarded by Nirvana fans the most in depth play-by-play biography that exists- and it’s free on YouTube, which is lit.)

sources I don’t pull from, but many younger Nirvana fans do(the people who buy into the conspiracies generally):

Kurt and Courtney- A documentary made in the late 90’s under the guise of biography, but is actually about the conspiracy theory that Courtney killed Kurt. I saw it when I was a new fan and I literally laughed out loud from how apeshit it was.

Soaked In Bleach- ‘Biopic’ about Courtney killing Kurt. I haven’t seen it but straight men who think Courtney is ugly take it more seriously than the Bible. Very little truth ever goes into these theories, besides maybe names and dates.

Anything Hank Harrison(Courtney’s father) has to say- He wrote a book on the subject. He also gave her acid and lost custody of her when she was three years old. He’s a shit parent and I doubt he’s actually seen his daughter since the 80’s.

Anything Buzz Osborne(Kurt’s friend, singer for the Melvins, a band Kurt looked up to in Montesano) says- I think Buzz’s opinion is taken way too seriously by a lot of the fan base, I read an interview of his criticizing Montage Of Heck because Kurt ‘didn’t really have a stomach disease’ and was just lying about it to get high, and also about how he hated having to see Courtney naked, and made a good long point about how disgusting her body is. IOn top of all that(none of which really has to do with critiquing the film...?), he mocked Kurt and called him a loser for committing suicide. I don’t care what your opinion on his stomach, his wife, or his music is, that shit is callous and idiotic, but totally reflective of the 70’s and 80’s mentality regarding the mentally ill. He’s part of the legion of pretentious punk dudes who *kind of* knew Kurt, who think Courtney’s the one who ‘corrupted’ him, which brings me around to answering your question.

So, there’s this idea regarding Kurt and Courtney’s relationship, which is pretty similar to the one surrounding Sid and Nancy’s(or at least used to.) Courtney is the whiny, annoying, petulant bitch who attached herself to the first trophy she could find, and through her terrible manipulative personality kept him with her and kept him from getting better. In this mode of thinking, She’s also the person who ‘started’ him on drugs, and in a few people’s eyes, the person who ‘forced’ him to have Frances.

The reality of the situation, as I see it, as someone who’s gone to pretty decent lengths to inform themselves on the subject, is that Kurt and Courtney’s relationship was toxic: But the toxicity was mutual. This doesn’t mean they were a “problematic” couple, or that they were abusing each other, or even that either one of them was ‘evil’, it means that they fell deeply in love as young trauma survivors with substance abuse issues and huge ambitions. That’s a lot to put on any relationship and it’s a lot to talk about, so I’m gonna split this into categories of complaints that you’ll hear pretty routinely as a new Nirvana/Hole fan.

1. “She got him into drugs!”

Courtney started on heroin in the late 80’s in L.A., when she was still playing with Sugar Baby Doll(her band with Jennifer Finch and Kat Bjelland). Kurt, as said in Heavier Than Heaven, tried heroin for the first time around 1988-1989(I don’t remember exactly.) At the time, he was still living with(though I don’t believe they were still dating) Tracy Marander. Because he was destitute, he didn’t have enough money to start forming an actual habit until Nevermind started gaining speed, and by the time he and Courtney started dating(they met a couple of times and phoned a couple of times before cementing a relationship) he had been taking it for a while. That’s the thing I think people look over when it comes to Kurt- He was embarrassed about his addiction and he hated the physical side effects, but he loved heroin.

Courtney says in Montage Of Heck that she had both tried and kicked heroin by the time she met Kurt, but I think the Heavier Than Heaven description is probably more accurate: That she did heroin socially, and her addiction worsened after the two of them began living together because Kurt was(in her own words) ‘obsessed with oblivion.’ She also said in Montage Of Heck that his dream was to ‘Get to three million dollars and become a junkie.’ She’s stated several times that her drug problems came out of a need for ‘comfort’, and Kurt was into getting so fucked he couldn’t do anything else(also confirmed by his friend, Dylan Carlson, who was also into heroin and did it with him often.)

On top of that, Courtney was the one who orchestrated interventions for Kurt, went through the process of reviving him when he’d overdosed, and broke his syringes/scared off his dealers to try and keep drugs away from him as much as possible. At one point, she even made a rule that no drugs were to be done in the house- So he started renting motel rooms and doing them there. It was she who was the head of his final intervention before he went missing.

If anything, Courtney is the person who tried her hardest to keep drugs away from both of them. Considering how much people still talk about her doing heroin while pregnant(which occurred very early on before she was aware of her condition), Kurt is the person who struggled the most to stay off drugs during her pregnancy and after Frances’ birth, even going so far as to hide in the bathroom from her while she was struggling with morning sickness so she wouldn’t know he was getting high.

2. “She manipulated him into dating her/marrying her!”

Here’s the thing about Courtney; She is an enigmatic, entertaining, talented, maternal individual. Here’s the thing about Kurt; He’s a shy, quiet, non-confrontational guy with mommy issues. There’s been a lot of discussion on how Courtney was ‘obsessed’ with Kurt, and how she wouldn’t rest until she pinned him down: That’s untrue, or at least it reads less like crazy-bitch-steals-rock-god and more like cute-singer-has-crush-on-fellow-cute-singer. She was really into him, but when she met him she was still dating Billy Corgan, which deterred her from pursuing him until that relationship(basically) dissolved. When Kurt met her, he had just gotten out of a relationship with Tobi Vail, which most likely fell apart because she refused to be what Tracy Marander had been for him. She wasn’t interested in caring for him and she wasn’t interested in a full-time monogamous relationship. She was working too hard at her own career and was way too involved in the burgeoning riot grrrl movement to worry about looking after Kurt Cobain. That just wasn’t going to work for him.

Kurt was a big believer in the nuclear family model, he was very monogamous, and besides that he lacked the ability to physically take care of himself. If he wasn’t living with a partner who would clean up the house and remind him to wash his hair, it just didn’t happen. He was chronically ill, depressed, and he’d spent most of his adolescence AWOL from anyone who would actually raise him, so Tobi’s rejection deeply hurt him for a number of reasons- While Courtney, the opposite of Tobi in a few key ways, was exactly what he wanted. On top of looking like the archetypical punk girl, “I was attracted to her because she looked like Nancy Spungen,” she had a maternal streak (In Montage Of Heck, when he’s found sitting beside her while she cuts his hair, and, typical for people living with Kurt, mentions that she cleans the house because ‘nobody else fuckin does.’) Early on in their relationship, Kurt had a meltdown and begged Courtney to come to his apartment. She did, and looked after him the rest of the night, a pattern which would become common for them, and was stated by her half sister to be the ‘original strain on the relationship.’

Besides her mothering elements, Courtney was brassy and loud, and her presence allowed him to be less introverted and freer with himself. She was an ambitious young musician who shared a similar childhood to him, and had the same yearning for a safe home life that he did. She was well-read and artistic, and introduced him to the literary side of music creation, which he hadn’t explored yet. After spending a night on the phone with her, he went around telling everybody she was ‘the coolest girl in the world,’ and broke off another burgeoning relationship with Mary Lou Lord on live TV after spending the night with her. The famous quote, “Courtney Love is the best fuck in the world.” is in fact real. And yeah, he could’ve handled that one better.

The attraction was mutual, and I find it hard to believe that Kurt was ever forced into anything romantic with her based on how well she suited his tastes.

3. “She used him for his fame/money!”

As stated above, Courtney was attracted to Kurt before Nevermind was even recorded, and if she wanted to marry a famous dude right out the gate, at the time they met there were plenty of people who were way more famous than Kurt. In Heavier Than Heaven she mentions really liking their song “Dive,” and later in life she mentioned hearing “Sliver” and being impressed with Kurt’s writing abilities. Both of those songs were released a solid two years before Nevermind. She was interested in Kurt because he was cute and talented and she was savvy in the music scene, meaning that she kept up with underground bands.

Now, a point of contention between Kurt & Courtney was their different attitudes towards fame. That is entirely true. Courtney wanted to be famous, enjoyed celebrity, loved attention, and could handle touring, press, and the craziness of success. She was very charismatic, very physically strong, and let’s face it, definitely an attention whore. Kurt liked being praised, he liked being successful, and he definitely had a thing for attention- But he hated pressure, he had inferiority issues, he didn’t know how to handle his life being pried into all the time, and he wasn’t strong enough to do massive tours. Courtney just didn’t understand that, which is pretty common if someone doesn’t share your same mental illness/physical illness: Touring hurt Kurt’s stomach, it worsened his anxiety and emotional instability, it wore his body out, it didn’t agree with him. He loved playing live but couldn’t handle the mania or the travelling, meaning he didn’t mind blowing off huge tours that would bring in loads of money. Courtney, who did feel envious and intimidated regarding his success, would get angry at him for that- She didn’t want him to blow off massive paychecks and press coverage because it’s not what she would’ve done. I definitely side with Kurt on this, nothing is more frightening and frustrating than people trying to force you to do things you can’t handle health-wise. Courtney, being naturally business-oriented, was also aware of how things appeared to the public, and definitely cared about their image more than Kurt did- One of their fights revolved around her nagging him about how important the “Heart-Shaped Box” music video would be for him, and how he should look good. He reacted by stubbing out a cigarette on his forehead and saying, “Do I look fucking good enough for you now?”

So yeah, Courtney, like a lot of people in Kurt’s life, was all about furthering his career and success. A lot of people read that as her being money-hungry or manipulative, in my opinion it’s just a natural response from a person who’s spent their whole life trying to be a success and wouldn’t really get there until 1994. I think some of it was envy and I think some of it was her using him a little vicariously, neither of which are healthy but neither of which are malicious, either. She wanted to be a rockstar, she was ready to be a rockstar, she wasn’t; He thought he’d wanted to be a rockstar, he didn’t really want to, he was.

4. “She emotionally abused him!”

I hate to say this because I love Kurt so much but, as someone who’s been through a codependent relationship where they were bailing water out of a sinking boat, Kurt’s behavior throughout their marriage set off way more red flags for me than Courtney’s did. I don’t think he was actually abusive, but I do think he was a little too underdeveloped and unresolved to be married to someone. He had to grow up slower than everyone else because he missed out on having concrete mature influences, which Courtney did as well, and like I said earlier I think a lot of their problems came through a lack of adult communication skills. Both of them were really jealous people: Courtney couldn’t stand Kurt talking about Mary Lou Lord or Tobi Vail, Kurt was completely convinced that Courtney was cheating on him with Billy Corgan(even going so far as to talk to their lawyer about a divorce shortly before he died.) This was the catalyst for a lot of mind games and unnecessary drama, especially coming from Kurt.

Kurt couldn’t handle conflict. He was really passive aggressive, and would do things to purposely piss Courtney off or communicate to her that he was displeased. While she was trying to stay clean he would declare that he was going to do drugs in the apartment, when she started talking to a psychic to help her with her problems he mocked her and put her down, when she staged his final intervention his entire argument against rehab was that she was just as ‘fucked up’ as he was(she had already agreed to go into rehab, though whether he was aware of this or not I’m not sure.) He made his first suicide attempt by overdosing on Rohypnol on their wedding anniversary because she took some pills and fell asleep and he decided that meant she wasn’t interested in him anymore. I’m not arguing that that’s an irrational response to your partner getting stoned and falling asleep, especially when he’d apparently set the night up to be as romantic as possible, but the overdose put him in a coma and sent Courtney into hysterics.

Her mental health began to decline due to paranoia that he’d end up dead, and her weight dropped due to the added stress. As someone who’s been through a pretty similar situation to that and exhibited the same symptoms, I can tell you that it is never okay to use a suicide attempt to deal with a perceived injustice from your partner. By this time, Kurt was facing either getting clean or dying, and his behavior was very depressed and erratic, so there are explanations for the way he was acting and I don’t think he was trying to manipulate her with a threat. Despite my understanding of that, there is nothing more exhausting than being the caretaker of someone who is hellbent on never getting better. I can’t imagine being the caretaker of someone who won’t stop until they’re dead, and I do think at that point it would’ve been better for them to separate.

But that isn’t to say Courtney wasn’t toxic herself, I’m not trying to paint a wholly negative image of Kurt here. I’m merely trying to stand in the way of Nirvana fanboys who have no grasp on the more sickly sides of his personality, and give Court a bit of a break. Definitely, she struggled with her jealousy: As stated, she never wanted his ex girlfriends mentioned around her and would tear them apart if they were. She was ambitious and career driven, which eroded a lot of her platonic relationships/working relationships as well her marriage to Kurt. She was one of the people who was pushing him to recover in time to play Lollapalooza, and she was one of the people who pushed him into his last stunted tour before his death. She weaponized his relationship with Frances in ways that I and most people agree are gross: She told him he should be playing massive gigs to support his daughter(though their medical and legal bills were big they were hardly poverty stricken), and admitted in an interview later that she called him in rehab once to tell him he’d dropped Frances on her head(She mentioned during this that Frances was wearing a furry hood, and that he didn’t hurt her. In my opinion he was doing his best by even trying rehab again, and that he was already so worried that he was a terrible father that it was just cruel to make him feel worse.)

She has a tendency to be self-obsessed, and to put her own self interest before people she cares about, even if she regrets it later. She struggles herself with mental illness and addiction, both of which tend to give a person poor judgment regarding the people they care about.

Once again, Courtney and Kurt weren’t a healthy couple, but it wasn’t because they were evil or abusive towards one another. They cared for each other deeply, they had a very pure devotion. Underlying all this nastiness were two people who prayed together, wrote together, fantasized about a Valentine’s Day wedding, and faxed each other R-rated love letters like modern versions of James Joyce and Nora Barnacle. During one of his more successful stints in rehab, Kurt wrote Courtney love letters every night(though he did decorate them with blood, wax, and semen.)

They had some serious therapy they needed to attend, the both of them. But 90% of these demonizations of Courtney are either untrue or blown out of proportion.

#aberdeen spoken word #ik this runs on so much but i love talking abt this shit and i didnt #want to spend tomorrow editing bc i have other shit i need to do so #have a basically unedited essay on my parents fndndfn

[sunsetsover]

i’d love to read one of your posts about ben’s actions tonight? like, we all understand /why/ but you have such a lovely way with words and i like pain. thanks 🥺

thank you, you’re so sweet!! usually i like to answer asks in order but imma let u skip the queue just this once bc this one’s time sensitive and ur so nice 🥺

so……. where do i even begin w this……..

the thing is ben has such horrible self esteem issues and a lot of ppl (both characters on the show and ppl in the audience) don’t realize that bc he comes across as very confident and bold and unfazed by anything, but the thing is….. that’s a front…….. he is not confident, he is not bold (not when it really matters) and he’s affected by pretty much everything. like massively so. what other people think of him - particularly people he cares about - affects not only how he sees himself, but also how he behaves. he seems to almost want to be a self fulfilling prophecy - remember how everyone thought it was ben who hit phil over the head, so ben was like ‘well seeing as though everyone thinks i tried to kill him, i might as well actually do it’?? yeah. he’s very susceptible to allowing other people’s opinions on him dictate his opinions of himself, as well as the course of action he ends up taking.

so it’s very easy to see how that lead to what happened with callum and their date. ian making a comment about it? well ben gives back as good as he gets, and this is ian we’re talking about, who is as obtuse as they come. but you see as ben leaves the beale’s that despite seeming unbothered by it, that comment actually got to him. it got him thinking: what if ian was right? what if he has a point? literally ben was already doubting himself after a snide comment from ian, that’s how affected he is by other people’s opinions (and also that’s how much he cares about callum!). and then you’ve got jay piling on top of that, and ok maybe his comments were innocuous and maybe he had a point, but with what ian had already said? the doubts really start taking hold. like maybe ian isn’t just full of shit, not if jay’s thinking the same thing - jay, who probably knows ben better than anyone. so maybe he and callum aren’t right for each other. maybe they won’t work.

and then you’ve got stuart who just puts the giant fucking nail in the coffin. he sets the disaster snowball rolling down the hill. and he does it in a really clever, manipulative way too (it’s a similar type of manipulation we see ben use on callum when he sold him that van!): he disarmed ben with an apology and with this newfound openmindedness, offers ben an olive branch by saying ‘i care about callum and i think you do too’ - essentially lowering ben’s guard - and then goes in with the ‘bad things happen around you so you need to stay away from callum because i don’t want happened to paul to happen to him’. and that undoubtedly completely fucks ben up - we didn’t even really need ian and jay putting doubts in his head before that tbh, i think what stuart said would have been enough to screw ben up on it’s own. and you know, i think even with ian and jay’s comments, if stuart hadn’t said what he said they might’ve been alright. ben might be a little bit off, but it probably would have been recoverable. but as soon as paul was mentioned - as soon as what happened to paul was mentioned - it was all bets off the table. we’ve seen how much paul’s death still affects ben, how much he still blames himself. so to have stuart basically insinuate that yeah, what happened to paul was somehow because of ben and that the same thing might happen to callum - someone that ben obviously really cares about - again because of ben? it was game over. stuart softened him up then went right for ben’s rawest spot. like how the fuck was he supposed to recover from that in a matter of hours?

and yeah, he probably should have done the decent thing and just cancelled. but that’s not how ben’s brain works. ee have already established that doing this exact thing is a pattern of behaviour for ben - he broke up w the guy he was seeing (that he was into!) in newcastle for the exact same reason he purposely sabotaged his date with callum: because he ‘had to, because if anything had got, like, serious, then [ben] would have ruined his life’. those are ben’s exactwords. now who does that sound like? what kind of paranoia is that kind of thinking feeding into? this is what ben thinks about himself. this is what ben worries he’s going to do to the men in his life. like this is what ben does!!! which is why it really surprised me that some ppl thought his behaviour yesterday was OOC. it seems to me that if anything this behaviour is perfectly in line with both his character and his previous actions. and to be perfectly honest, i think if ben hadn’t tried to deliberately fuck it up now, then he probably would have eventually. at least if he’s doing this right at the very beginning the two of them have a chance of working through it.

so why didn’t ben just cancel? well callum would’ve wanted an explanation. and what could ben have said, when he had been so up for it until then? ‘sorry, a few people have talked some sense into me and i realized i like you too much to ruin your life’? that wouldn’t have worked. ‘i changed my mind’? callum’s gonna ask why. ‘something came up’? callum might ask for another date. and ben clearly likes callum quite a bit, and he knows as well as we do that if callum had asked him out again, he probably wouldn’t have been able to say no. so he thinks: i have to break this until there’s no chance of recovery. i need to destroy any chance there is for us, get rid of any interest callum has in me. i need to make him angry at me, because then he’ll stay away from me. i need to make him hate me, because if he hates me at least he won’t be hurting. and if i do have to hurt him, it’s better to hurt him now rather than further down the line when it will hurt him ten times more. it’s flawed thinking, obviously, but ben’s a flawed man with a lot of issues and no self esteem who thinks that a) he doesn’t deserve someone like callum and b) that he’ll only end up hurting him, or that callum will end up hurt because of him. so in his own fucked up way, he was really trying to protect callum - from ben himself, and whatever pain ben’ll inevitably (as far as he’s concerned) end up inflicting on him. (and don’t forget paul and what happened to him was now at the forefront of his mind too, so i’m sure that only made him even more determined to make sure he gets callum as far away from him as possible.)

so what does he do? he completely fucking destroys this date. invites other people along, pays callum no attention, makes 0 effort, literally cops off with someone else in plain view and then makes it clear he’s not bothered what callum thinks about it (although it backfired a little bit bc callum’s such a sweetheart and also has no self esteem so he went the ‘no hard feelings’ route which must have infuriated ben bc like no!! he was supposed to kick off!! swear!!! call ben a bastard!!! anything but be so painfully understanding!!!!) and he does all of this to basically fuck their relationship up beyond repair. bc if he does that then callum will be able to move on and find someone else, someone kind and safe and normal who won’t hurt him or fuck it up.

and i know it won’t make sense to some people, but he did all of it with the best intentions. with callum’s feelings in mind, not ben’s own - in fact, ben’s feelings and what he wants are practically redundant in this situation bc he’s so set on doing what he thinks is the best thing for callum. what ben wants and feels about it doesn’t matter.

and he manages to do a pretty good job of ignoring his feelings up until the very end, when he’s essentially alone. then - and only then - do we get to see how fucking upset ben is about the whole thing. like he’s sitting there drinking by himself trying not to cry! he’s fucking heartbroken! because his actions during the date, that wasn’t him wanting to be cruel or vindictive or hurt callum. that was him trying to protect callum (and i know, i know not everyone will understand or agree with that but i promise you that’s exactly what he was trying to do). his own happiness, his own feelings, they don’t matter. he’s fucking devastated, but it doesn’t matter. callum is safe now. he’ll be alright, and as long as callum’s alright, nothing else matters.

and the most telling part of it all? the fact that ben didn’t go home w that guy he’d been kissing earlier. he could have. he so easily could have - the guy was into him, he was up for it, and we know ben’s not opposed to random hook ups. but he didn’t. he wasn’t at all interested. why? because he wanted callum. he caresabout callum. he was just using that guy to make his point - that ben is bad and callum shouldn’t be interested in him bc because he can do better. he had 0 interest in that guy and the minute everyone was gone and no one was around to witness it, ben made that very clear - he didn’t even want fuck him as a rebound or to prove he doesn’t care about callum or whatever. he couldn’t even pretend.

like ben just really cares about callum and that’s exactly why he did what he did - because he thinks that it was the best and kindest thing to do.

idk i just hope that this helps give people a little bit of perspective on why ben did what he did bc i feel like some ppl were kind of unfairly harsh on him. the way he behaved was not at all fair on callum, and i don’t condone what he did, but as someone who has been there myself (not literally the same situation, but the same ‘i need to scare them off now so i don’t hurt them in the long run’ way of thinking) i can confidently say that it was from a place of good intentions. completely twisted and fucked up and unfair, yes, but his heart was (mostly) in the right place.

but yeah lmao i’m glad you like my way with words bc you just got a lot of them!!! and perhaps a lot of pain too lmao 💕💕

#ben mitchell #ballum #eastenders #GOD this is long sorry lmao #benthighway #question

[generallynerdy]

Knight In Shining Armour (Gwaine X Reader)

Summary: The ever mysterious Gwaine shows at the tavern every night during your shift. You’re starting to think he’s the only thing keeping the creeps that come with your day job away. Little do you know, the term ‘knight in shining armour’ is quite a literal one.

Requested by Anon: I had an idea for a Gwaine/Reader where gwaine keeps on going back to this one tavern specifically because the reader is always there, whether for a job or other reasons, but he takes any chance he can get to see them. Thanks!

Key: (Y/N) - your name

Warnings: cheesy, fluff, attempted kidnapping, mentions of harassment, mentions of obscene gestures, cursing probably, Gwaine’s Gorgeous Face

Word Count: 1,828

Note: hi i love gwaine more than my internal organs thank u for this request i love you

The sun was getting low and the constant clank of wood mug against wood mug was making your head throb. You had been at your shift for a few hours now, but it was getting around that time that the smell of beer would make you sick. The life of a barkeep wasn’t pretty, especially when you considered the wages. They were just barely keeping you afloat, but you could think of worse jobs to take on.

It wasn’t even the wages or the overwhelming smells and noises that made your job such a heinous one. It was the customers who made your life hell.

Rowdy or rude ones weren’t so bad. You knew how to deal with them; either kick them out or, if they were still somewhat sober, let them buy more drinks.

Ones who made messes were significantly more annoying, but you didn’t have to clean up all their messes. You pitied the poor cleaning crew, which was made up of one young boy trying to earn extra to take home to his mother and sisters.

The customers that really gave you headaches were the ones who seemed to think your nice attitude was directed especially toward them, the creeps who would ‘accidentally’ touch your hand as they reached for the beer you put on the table, and, worst of all, those who would openly flirt with you and laugh when you told them to back off. You couldn’t stand those kinds of men.

There was a certain table in the back where these customers lingered. It was a group of five or six men who seemed to never leave the bar.

These men always whistled at you and sometimes dared to even touch you, but it never became more than that. However, they were starting to show more often and their eyes lingered on you more than usual. It was starting to scare you.

Lucky for you, you had a knight in shining armour.

He was late today. It wasn’t by much, but it left you glancing anxiously between the men at the back table and the door. When he strode in, you missed him completely.

“Evening, (Y/N),” his charming voice sounded right behind you.

You jumped in place and whirled, meeting his brown eyes with a gasp. “Gwaine!” You breathed. “You scared me!”

“I’m offended,” he joked with a light smile. “Did you think I wasn’t coming?”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” You soon regained your soft smile and went to pour him a drink, heart stopping its incessant pounding when you noticed the men in the back leaving.

As you handed him his drink, Gwaine could not miss your shaking hands. He looked up at you with a tilted head and raised eyebrow, nearly making you faint as it was. He was a beautiful man of firm stature, with luscious hair to rival a maiden’s. You knew nothing of him, his story that was, though you knew of his character.

He was always kind and gentle to you, though fiercely protective when men dared make a show of you in his presence. He was well-mannered, but always itching for a fight, it seemed. Bar fights increased ten fold after he appeared.

“Are you alright?” he said, breaking you from your thoughts.

You shook off your earlier terror and returned to the present. “I’m fine.” You changed the subject quickly. “Are you ever going to tell me what sort of job keeps you busy all day but lets you visit every night?”

“Perhaps,” he grinned devilishly.

You didn’t want to bother him about the men, especially since they had yet to make a move on you. If he was needed, he would be there, but you felt guilty dragging him into something that might not be of significance in the first place.

So, you left it alone and instead spent the rest of the night talking to him. He was there until closing time and walked you home, just like he did every night. He kissed your hand and gave a silly little bow before disappearing down the street, walking with a skip in his step. He was almost adorable.

The next night, Gwaine was late again.

Minutes passed by painfully and you stared longingly at the front door of the tavern, hoping to see a head of brown hair strut in. He never came.

By the time the sun was down and you went to lock up, the tavern was empty. You silently thanked whatever god was out there that the men in the back didn’t appear at all that night. If they saw you without Gwaine, they were sure to do something dastardly.

You donned your cloak and exited the building, locking the door behind you. You were barely a foot from the door when an arm wrapped around your head, covering your mouth when you tried to scream.

Sneaking out of Camelot was not an easy feat. It should have been for a knight, but Gwaine was apparently too suspicious for his own good. He knew the others were starting to notice his disappearances, but he thought he was being careful enough that they wouldn’t figure him out just yet.

He was mistaken, he found, as he was on his way to his regular place when he heard a branch snap in the forest behind him. Turning sharply on his heel, he drew his sword and poked it into the brush that shuffled violently.

“Come out,”  he hissed. “Maybe I won’t flay you for following me.”

Much to his surprise, it was not only one figure that appeared from the woods. From nearby trees and bushes, five men emerged.

“I should hope not!” Scoffed the blond head of King Arthur himself.

He had led the merry band of himself, Merlin, Percival, Leon, and Elyan all this way to follow Gwaine. Knowing the troops they had back in Camelot, their little excursion left home virtually unguarded.

Gwaine instantly lowered his sword. “All of you? Really? Haven’t you anything better to do?”

He glanced over his shoulder almost anxiously at the town in the distance. He was late as it was already, since Arthur had him shine all the knights’ shoes as punishment for some unmentionable antics earlier that day. If they delayed him any longer, he feared (Y/N) would be left to walk home alone.

“Got somewhere to be?” Merlin teased.

Gwaine raised his sword again with a semi-teasing glare. “You I won’t hesitate to flay. This was your idea, wasn’t it?”

“He wasn’t the only one that noticed you go missing every night,” Leon suddenly said.

Elyan snorted. “Far from it.”

“What are you even doing out here?” Arthur questioned. “The only thing this town has going for it is a decent tavern.”

The sudden redness of Gwaine’s face did not go unnoticed, even in the dark. Glancing at each other with bemused smiles, they realised there was only one reason he would ever walk out this far from Camelot every night.

“Do they have a name?” Percival grinned.

“Shut up!” Gwaine huffed and turned away, sheathing his sword. He set off toward the town again, but stopped as he heard footsteps and swung around. “You’re not coming!”

Arthur gave a boyish smile. “I don’t think you can stop us.”

He sighed and slumped over, giving in. “Fine. But do me a favour and act normal.”

“What does normal entail exactly?” Elyan wondered aloud.

They started walking again, making the last stretch of the woods and into town, passing the guarded gate with ease. It wasn’t a big place, but they had the man power to defend themselves. Luckily, they knew Gwaine very well and were eager to let him pass, commenting that he was much later than usual.

“They don’t know that you’re a knight, do they?” Arthur asked on the way.

“No,” Gwaine sighed. “I don’t talk about work. Figure it’d scare them off.”

He almost dreaded bringing them with him as they wandered the streets of the town, eventually coming to the off-road the tavern lied on. Percival muttered something about Gwaine being unable to break old habits and a dagger missed him by an inch.

Turning the corner of the alleyway, Gwaine suddenly stopped.

“Let me go!” Someone shrieked. “Don’t touch me!”

As the other knights heard the same sound, they all drew their swords and rushed forward. Though the others could not recognise the person being dragged off, Gwaine definitely did. It was you, his lovely (Y/N).

The six men were quickly beaten and when only one remained, he tried to sneak up on Gwaine. You threw a nasty right hook, sending him running and squealing like a pig.

As the knights looked at you in complete awe, Gwaine turned to you with hastened hands, which took yours as he looked you up and down.

“Are you alright? Hurt?” He muttered, searching your eyes for any shadow of pain.

You shook your head and squeezed his hands. “No. You?”

“Better now,” he grinned.

You threw your arms around his neck and hugged him tight, breathing a sigh of relief. You refused to let go of him for a minute, before realising that the other men with him were watching. You cleared your throat and let go of him.

“Who are your friends?”

“The ones who made me late,” he said accusingly.

You raised your eyebrows and looked over the rather impressive crew. “Six months of being completely punctual and it takes five men to stop you? Christ, Gwaine.”

He grinned proudly, while the others glanced between each other.

“Six months?” The smallest of the crew gasped. “You’re whipped!”

Gwaine rolled his eyes. “(Y/N), these are my friends. Elyan, Percival, Leon, Arthur, and his servant, Merlin.”

“You just had to throw in the servant part,” the last one muttered mutinously.

Suddenly, you put the pieces together. “Wait, Arthur? King Arthur?” When he didn’t answer and looked away, you let your jaw fall. “You never told me you were a knight!”

“He thought it might scare you,” Arthur spoke up in his defence.

Gwaine was almost sheepish at this point and couldn’t bear to look at you. He had never lied to you before and keeping his knighthood from you was perhaps the one remotely ill-natured thing he had done. However, you approached and could not help putting your hand on his cheek, raising his eyes to yours.

“It was sweet of you to care,” you whispered only to him.

He gave a sickly sweet grin and closed the distance, pressing his lips against yours. You almost sighed gratefully into the kiss, having wished for it for months. Gwaine made an obscene gesture to the men cheering behind your back before pulling you closer, refusing to let go. When he did, it was only for the sake of breathing.

Suddenly, you laughed a little. “I guess you really are my knight in shining armour.”

Masterlist

#gwaine x reader #gwaine x you #gwaine x y/n #sir gwaine #sir gwaine x reader #sir gwaine x you #sir gwaine x y/n #the adventures of merlin #merlin #bbc merlin #merlin bbc #gwaine #gwaine imagine #gwaine oneshot #novakitty #novakitty114 #generallynerdy #river #rivika