#which apparently all the modern bits were costumed just by going around to markets and shops and buying shit

[cinemaocd]

Tom Hardy, The Man of Mode, The National Theater 2007

#I went looking for a picture of rory kinnear in tight white pants and I found this from the same production #which apparently all the modern bits were costumed just by going around to markets and shops and buying shit #which is super cool #anyway #Tom Hardy #The Man of Mode

[cinnamonest]

Albedo idol girl darling thoughts M A N I F E S T E D

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Well, to be entirely honest, he thinks the whole idol thing is a little dumb.

For someone like him, at least. He's a PhD student in his final semester, lots of work to be done and all that. So, you know, he's a responsible, accomplished adult. Not the kind of person who gets into "that stuff," as he calls it in his head.

Nor does he even know how he encountered it... He just takes the occasional break from work to mindlessly open whatever app first pops into his vision and scroll through the feed. He's never watched anything like it in his life, so he's not exactly sure why he gets recommended some idol girl thing, and even less sure why he taps it without really thinking. Probably one of those videos that gets recommended to everyone. Well, can't be that, it doesn't have that many views... Probably loosely connected to some video game he's searched before or something. He's familiar with idols and what they are, and the subculture surrounding them, but he's never really cared about it.

Honestly, it's kinda pathetic that a bunch of grown adult men get so obsessed over these girls, he thinks as he watches. He's seen the type. Lonely, asocial dudes, most definitely virgins whose only female attention in their entire life is their mother, well into adulthood with no real social group to speak of.

...Not that he's much better off, but he hasn't quite sunk down to their level. The only reason he doesn't talk to people much is because they're busy, and he's even busier. He managed to make a few friends in undergrad years. Well, study partners who mooched off his notes since he was one of the top students, but same idea. They were people he spoke to more than once, which is what constitutes a friend, right? And for the record, one time in high school a girl in his class said she liked his hair. He hasn't changed the way he wears it since. Whenever he's sad, he thinks about that compliment from 10+ years ago, and it makes him feel a little better. But now, he's constantly slammed with work and research.

And his acquaintances are also all busy. He sees notifications every now and then from social media he never checks. Everyone is getting married at this stage in life, both friends and even other PhD students in his department. Not that he's ever been invited to a wedding, he just overhears a lot of conversations, sees notifications of posts. And he will too, eventually. He just has to finish up his degree, and then... Meet a girl. Well, that's actually the second step, step one would be finding out how to go about meeting a girl. He's... Never done it before. Probably does not happen sitting in the research lab at 11:30 pm on YouTube. He's talked to one of the other PhD students who's a girl before. And only stutters sometimes. He was even able to look her in the face while he talked to her once. That's a good start.

Ok, so maybe he is a little bit pathetic, but not as bad as... These guys. Reading the comments of the video actually make him feel a little better about himself, because frankly, they're kinda wild. The worship and fawning over girls is one thing, but they even have timestamps referring to various members like "she's super cute here!" Or "you can kinda see her thigh at 3:12!" Etc etc. Yeesh, creepy. And they get into comment fights over who is the best member, as if it even matters. It's fascinating in a human-social-experiment sort of way, the manifestation of a subculture and how humans interact with each other. On and on it goes, hundreds of commenters. He pays more attention to the comments than the actual video, but the song is kinda catchy in that annoying sort of way, and the girls are cute, just kinda... The typical thing he'd expect from idol groups. But the building will close soon, so he taps back to home screen and swipes the app closed.

Unfortunately, the algorithm remembers.

And he's not certain why he clicks the next one either, the following day. The lunch breaks he takes are usually pretty rushed. Not that he has specific class times at his level of academia, but he likes to get his work done. He intentionally eats either a bit later or earlier than the lunch crowd to avoid crowds and interactions. Finds a nice secluded little table tucked away. So when he opens it back up, what do you know, several more videos get recommended. It's absent minded when he taps on one, the kind of numb-brained entertainment every modern person indulges in, videos you wouldn't really be interested in but just watch because they're there.

Ok, this is really creepy. These dudes have made compilation videos of close ups of each specific girl. It's the same group as the video he saw before, same little lewd costumes. Admittedly the girls are kinda cute. He can kinda understand the appeal. But he's not like those guys, he would never become like, obsessed with them.

The song is actually really catchy. The kind of mindlessly addictive, repetitive pop music that's the same four chords over and over, each song is so similar you can't really tell them apart, but it gets stuck in your head anyway. This group has... nine members. Who needs that many singers in one group? It's not like a band or anything, they all just sing and do their little choreography. Guess that's a form of talent, even though he doesn't really get it.

Some of the groups he sees in recommended videos are cute and wholesome, and while this group is cute too, there's a very... Blatantly intentional lewdness to their poses and costumes. A hypersexualized sort of cuteness. Clearly marketed at lonely losers who have nothing better to do with their time than obsess over a girl who will never even know they exist.

He taps another video.

So many compilations, yikes. He has to give the guys credit, they're insanely loyal to the individual member that they decide to fixate on. Oh, and they even make official figurines and posters for these girls, that's... Something.

And a few days later he can kinda recognize the girls. They have color themes, you know, identical costumes except each girl's is a different color. This lead one is red, this main backup is blue, etc etc. Lots of bright colors. Kinda hurts his eyes to be honest.

And he's seen compilations of every girl except... The pink one. The pink one is always kinda off to the side. Well, these groups do have their favoritism, there's apparently one or two lead singers in all of the major idol groups, and the rest are basically backups and dancers. Still, a lot of dudes get super devoted to the non-main girls. So yeah, he's never seen a compilation for the pink one... He can't always exactly remember which one is which but now he's seen enough to know the other girls' names. He's not sure what hers is though. So he googles it and gets the name.

Wonder why she doesn't have as many videos...? Oh, it's because she's the newest member. Only been around a few months. There's... A whole board dedicated to the group, which he's getting this information from. Wow, pathetic. What kind of person spends their free time browsing a forum for an idol group? Well, he's just doing it to find information, not for fun or anything. He was just curious. Now he knows and he can forget about it and never look at anything related to them again... after he types her name and group name into the YouTube search bar and checks the results out, that is.

Oh, so they do have some compilations for her, just not many. "(Name) thigh compilation." Fuck, these people have no limits to how creepy and pathetic they can get, he thinks... as he watches the video. Ok, admittedly there are some good thigh shots there. There's a comment. "At 4:26 you can see her panties." Pathetic. They're not wrong though. Just to be sure, you see, he tapped the timestamp, and you can, in fact, see them. Stripes. Cute.

But he still has to do his work. Can't get too invested in watching mindless videos all day. He's got a thesis to work on.

That makes him curious, though, he thinks as he goes about his research. Do these girls go to school? Do they like, skip college, or do they join some kind of performing arts school or...? So he googles it. He can remember the pink one's name now, so he just finds her Wikipedia page. Oh, so she joined right out of high school and has been in various groups ever since.

Wait, various groups? So she has more groups she's been in? What are those? Before he typed her name into the search along with the group name, but if he just searches her name he gets... A lot more content from earlier years. Huh. Didn't know some of them did group-hopping like that.

Still, no education. Must be all smiles and body and no brains. Guess that's all you really need. Yeah, looking at that whole act they do... All giggly and childish and lewd... She's probably not too bright. At least she's pretty and sings nice. And the thighs are rather good. Smooth looking. They have a sort of jiggle when she jumps up and down on stage. The thigh highs they make those girls wear have that nice little dip where the skin is compressed by the fabric. Like... right there at that closeup. He takes a screenshot.

It's readily available, he's already seen the video and knows the best parts, whereas searching for porn would take time. The sooner he can get the daily stress relief out of the way the sooner he can work on his thesis. So this way is faster. That's why he's jerking off to the thigh video and not taking the time to look for porn. Plus, it makes him cum faster. Which it probably shouldn't since it's just thighs, but... Probably has something to do with the tease of it all maybe. That makes sense.

Or maybe it's that cute little giggle he can hear at some parts. She smiles and jumps and spins and laughs.

...It makes him wonder what she'd look like crying. Scared. Whimpering. Covered in bruises and bite marks. The contrast between that state and the one on the screen. The process and the things he could do to get her from one to the other. Yeah, he realizes, it's that thought, rather than the happy giggling on video or tease aspect, that makes him cum.

He's aware that his... tastes... are a little on the fucked up side, but hey, there's plenty of bastards out there far worse than him.

One day he discovers she has social media platforms. He... Doesn't really have any. He doesn't have Twitter or Instagram or any of that but... He downloads the app and makes an account for each. Just to follow her. Ooh, they even have the option to get a notification every time she posts... That's good. Otherwise he might check too frequently. He sets a special sound effect for notifications for her socials. The first few times, you see, he would get super excited when his phone went off, only to be disappointed when it was just a work email. Thus, he made the separate sounds.

He wouldn't say he has a favorite, that sounds really cringey you know? He just... Likes her more than the others. ...Dammit, that's what a favorite is. Ok, maybe he has a favorite, that's not that bad. He's not obsessed. He hasn't bought any merchandise at all or anything, especially not member-specific merchandise. Which they do have, because he visited the store page for a while and spent all his willpower physically restraining himself from buying something. It's not that he's biased, he just thinks she's objectively better than the rest of the group. Which can be backed up with evidence, anyone with eyes could tell by watching the performances.

As to what specifically draws him to her... he's not certain, to be honest. Maybe it's because she's the least appreciated out of the group, new and all. The less popular one. Or maybe her personality... She seems so sweet, even though he knows it's probably just an act for the fans. Or maybe just those thighs. That's also a valid possibility.

He cracks and buys some of the merchandise. Only about $300 worth. But honestly, he gets more invested into just printing out pictures of you. Pasting them onto the wall above his desktop. It keeps him going when the nights are hard.

But he refrains from ever commenting on anything. Some of these losers are just... so embarrassing, he can't stomach the thought of being associated, even if it's just an anonymous comment online. It's still pretty... Distasteful. He still browses the boards every day. You're his lock screen now. And home screen. And also your solo is his ringtone. He only sets his phone on sound when he's alone at home, though, when he's at work he puts it on vibrate. He... doesn't want anyone hearing that. No offense. He has some appropriate amount of shame, unlike the other bastards.

And the girls probably know that most of their fans are these kind of loser men, right? She'd probably be surprised someone nearly graduating with a chemistry doctorate is sitting around watching these dumb videos. Is that more or less pathetic? He thinks less, hopefully.

In fact, the other fans kind of irritate him. They're really cringy and annoying and it gives him secondhand embarrassment. And something... Deeper. Something about seeing the comments upsets him on a visceral level. It's gross. Sure, he's grateful for the dudes who sit around and make a list of timestamps for upskirt shots and the like, but... It kinda bothers him, feeling like there's some other dude out there sitting around, watching these long videos with his gross eyes and recording the times of shots that get him off. It feels gross. But more like... A violation against you. Sure, your group is very blatantly sexualized and intentionally risque in clothing but... Still, it feels wrong for someone to go through and get to see all of that.

Well, someone else. It's ok for him, since he's not a gross degenerate like the rest of them. He does genuinely see himself as... Above them. You know how like, back in the day, how the nobles used to sit around and watch plays from the far back while the peasants gathered around the stage? It's like that. He's not a gross loser or a NEET or anything like that. He's got a life. Well... Not a social life, but he's doing better than them, at least he has a degree, and soon a higher degree, and a job. He has a lot of things they don't. Basic hygiene. Student loan debt. And uh... Well, he's probably more pleasant to interact with, at least he's not gonna be frothing at the mouth like an animal if he saw you in real life. He would certainly freeze up, but that's preferable, isn't it?

And one day there's a video circulating in the idol community - not that he's a part of it or anything, he just keeps getting the dumb videos and watching them for mindless entertainment - where some girl group had an attempted kidnapping. Not her group, but some other group. The video has gone viral. Some dude tried to rush the stage and pull one of the girls away. Apparently the cops found he had an obsession with her.

What an idiot. If you're gonna kidnap someone, put some effort in, jeez. It's not hard to figure out how to do it right.

If that were him, he wouldn't be that stupid, he'd just look for an interval where she's alone. They have those solo or breakout group songs where some of the girls are backstage, just get her then. Memorize the concert schedule, wear something over your face, chloroform her, and stuff her into something and walk right out. Easy.

....

He catches himself in the thought and realizes that might have been a bit creepy, but he was just thinking in terms of hypotheticals. If he was the kind of crazy to do that, that's what he'd do, that's all.

He's always enjoyed entertaining strategic thoughts, really. He's had a couple fantasies about how he would commit murders of this or that person before, and he's never murdered anyone, so thoughts don't lead to actions. He just... Really doesn't like those people, and the fantasies help him... Deal with it. He just likes to strategize about methods, and how he'd get away with it... Stuff like that. Actually, he's convinced it's a very normal thing, but no one wants to admit it. Everyone has detailed murder fantasies every now and then.

Which is why this is no different. He's just strategizing because it's fun. He has no intentions of doing anything for real. He just plans out the details like a game. And tells himself to just never think about it again.

Until one specific night that he's staring down at his screen. Lying in bed. He should be asleep, he needs to be up early tomorrow but... He's just checking to be sure he's reading this correctly. You're coming to his town? He wouldn't think so, since it's not too big, just your average college town. But still, you'll be right here, right in his general vicinity, not far away at all.

Not that he'd ever actually go to such an event. No way. He hates crowds with a passion. He hates loud environments even more. A concert is like his worst nightmare. Besides, knowing the general audience of your group, it'll be a bunch of sweaty NEET dudes who haven't showered in a month and haven't crawled out of their house in even longer. No thank you.

But.

That's when the thought pops back up. It's been a few months since that night he had that strategizing fantasy, and, well, he tried to forget it but... It kinda lingered in the back of his mind. And now it's back in full force.

He shrugs the idea off. It's crazy. He'd never actually do something like that. It was just a fantasy.

...But he could get away with it if he wanted to.

He's not scared or anything, no, he's confident in his strategizing. He knows he could. Totally. It's foolproof. There's no need to carry it out to know that, besides, what would he even do with you?

Well, he's pretty certain he does know what he would do with you. He's watched that thigh video maybe a hundred times now. And even if he won't admit it, he's jerked off to the exact same fantasy for like, several months.

He doesn't really... Think about it. Just kind of slips into subconscious actions. Autopilot. One click and well, there goes $400 on an amp case. His eyes gaze over the dimensions... And then there's your height on the Wikipedia page... Yeah... That should work. He gets it sent to the address a few doors down just in case, and snatches it from in front of their door, but he finds himself backpedaling. What the hell is he doing? He would never actually go through with this, what a waste of money... But he still opens it. Sets it beside his front door. Tests the wheels to make sure they work.

He knows how to make chloroform. He doesn't need YouTube tutorials (unlike a certain someone else), he knows exactly how to do it, even alternate methods besides the usual acetone and bleach combination - so long as you end up with the same chemical makeup, it's all the same. He just goes with the traditional way though... Doesn't really know why he does it. Just mutters as he stares down at the concoction wondering why he wasted his time... But he pauses before pouring it down the sink, and instead puts it in a container and keeps it on the counter. Your weight is on Wikipedia too. Taking into account your height and weight you would need about... Yeah, a very specific amount to knock you out for about three hours.

The concert day draws closer and closer and he can't sleep very well. His mind keeps running what-ifs. Just, hypothetically, what if he did go through with it? What then? What would he do long term? How would that all work out?

Well, you'd probably hate him for a while, right? But that changes. Stockholm syndrome sets in. He would know, he had to take Psych 101 back in undergrad, and the professor talked about it for a full 10 minutes, so he's basically an expert. It's been like, 7 years since then, but he still kinda remembers it. He remembers that it's supposed to set in at about 2 weeks, and solidify with time. If the captor is nice, that is, which he totally would be. ...Maybe not in bed, but most of the time. He would be nice to you, and you would start to like him. Besides, they said Stockholm syndrome set in faster if the abductor has good qualities, so, he could also reason with you, remind you that you're lucky you got abducted by someone with money - or, well, he will have money once he graduates! - and isn't some ugly gross slob. He's clean and neat. Sorta... He'll clean up all those dishes that have been sitting there a few days now, pick up all those clothes off the floor... Ok, now he's clean and neat. And, uh, what else would girls care about... He's smart. He's pretty sure he can say that with confidence, if nothing else.

Ok, so, it would work. He could... Keep you kinda... Tied up here... If you started complying within that two week period, he could get you up and walking before atrophy set in. You'd probably have to get used to the lifestyle... Right now he's kinda on a budget, but, he can get you things to keep you occupied... And so, yeah, it could work. It's simple, just keep you with him and isolated for a few weeks and uh, you'll transform into some kind of hypersexual obedient cumslut and never want to leave. That's... How Stockholm syndrome works right? Maybe he should have paid more attention in that class... Oh well. He never liked psychology.

So the day draws nearer and nearer and he starts really getting into the right... Headspace. It's a sort of manic state that he's in. Operating without really thinking, all inhibitions removed by simply refusing to think about it. He lets the subconscious take over and do all these little things to prepare, until finally that day is tomorrow. And then he kinda snaps back to full awareness and questions, again, what the hell is he doing? He can't just... Kidnap a person! Normal people don't do that... It's illegal, he'll get caught, it'll ruin his life and....

What life does he really have to ruin?

That's the thought that sort of solidifies the decision. He realizes why he's even on this path in the first place. Sure he's got a lot of academic accomplishments, but his life is... Rather empty. He doesn't really have anyone. Maybe that's why he's slowly become... Consumed by this obsession that yes, he's now willing to admit to himself is indeed an obsession. It's kinda slowly taken over his everyday life without him even noticing it was happening. He's... Kinda miserable. And very lonely. And... If nothing else... This one girl makes him feel kinda happy.

... Which is why he's going to go through with it.

And he slips back into autopilot, ends up standing outside the building. It's every bit as loud and headache-inducing as he knew it would be. Ugh. He can't wait to get out of here. If this doesn't work, well, he'll be forced to turn around. The plan is a very simple one, actually... Act like he's supposed to be there. And he does. Dresses in all black like stage technicians do, dragging his big amp case behind him, holding a bunch of cords from random things he grabbed in his house, and tries not to look nervous, keeps a neutral face and walks straight forward and... He slides right in. The security guards off to the side don't even bat an eye.

And then he has a moment of "well, I didn't expect to get this far." Pauses. So uh... what now? Well, probably should find you first. He memorized the setlist, so he knows when you'll be off... And alone. Right now there should be three of the girls backstage. It's pretty easy to find where you are, but he's paranoid that the amp case is too loud as he's dragging it around. It's necessary, though. And then, finally, he stumbles upon the room... Opens the door, half expecting to be immediately stopped, but... He can just kinda waltz right in here, some open backroom, a person here or there coming through, a lady that looks like a makeup artist doing something over there, and an actual, real tech guy over there... And over to the far back corner... Oh. That's you. He takes a moment to revel in the sight, unable to move or even breathe, and has to mentally prepare himself before moving forward. He's... Not sure exactly what to do at this point... It's kind of perfect, to be honest, there's no one around you, and you're right out of sight, where he could turn the corner and not be seen. But he's not sure how to... Approach? He thinks about it as he walks, but again, autopilot is on in his brain and he's just numbly walking forward. Does he just... Keep walking until he's right at you and just... Or...?

And a miracle happens. You hear someone coming and you turn and smile and ask are you the tech guy here to fix my mic? You point to the little microphone attached to your face. They told you someone would be coming to fix it before your next song. You presume that's him, since he's dressed in all black like all the other stage techs. He hesitates a moment, wide eyed, but then nods. Yeah, that's him, he says. His voice cracks when he says it. It's kinda cute.

You smile at him. It's wide and sweet and genuine and it almost makes him pass out on the spot. He has to swallow for a second before continuing.

But, uh, he can't do it right here he says, because fiddling with it could disrupt the uh, frequencies, cause that really shrill sound you hear sometimes. So, um, come over this way a sec, over in this dark corner of the studio conveniently out of the view of all people and security cameras. You don't know how any of that stuff works, so you trust him, it's his job after all. So you get up and straighten your little skirt out - wow those are even more revealing in person - and walk over it the dark corner where he's waiting and... it's the last thing you remember.

He does a quick look left and right to ensure no one saw you collapse in his arms, but sure enough, this area is empty. You fit into the amp case with ease. Just curl your body up and pop the lid on. Wait, can you... breathe in there? Well, it won't take long to get outside. He just rolls the case right out the door, right past the guards again, and no one stops him, no one suspects a thing. Puts the case in the backseat, opens the lid, does a quick check go make sure you're breathing alright. So he props it open by keeping a book in between the case and lid as he drives home.

Once he does get home, he just does the same thing he did before - close the lid, roll you into the elevator and up the stairs and into his place, looking back over his shoulder over and over. And once he gets you inside he just kinda... falls to his knees. Shivering. Disbelief. Because holy shit he actually did it. He actually went through with it and it worked. He sits there and stares at the case and - oh, fuck, gotta open it again for you to breathe. Actually, he might as well... take you out... when he first shoved you in, he was so high on adrenaline he didn't really process any of it, but now... he almost can't bring himself to take you out. That means he has to, like, touch you. He's gotta take a moment to mentally prepare for that. So he does. Deep breaths. And finally, with trembling hands, pulls you out, carries you on shakey legs over to the bed and sets you down.

You know, you're a lot... Smaller... Than you looked on screen. Sure, he knew your height and weight but... somehow you still seem so much smaller than he expected. That's good. Will make everything a lot easier, since you're easier to restrain. And your thighs. They're... so soft. This is so much better than the video. They're so... fleshy and warm in person. Perfect. And wow, that skirt thing is... scratchy. Actually, up close, that whole outfit thing you wear looks super uncomfortable. It probably is. ...Well, guess he now has a reason to take it off.

The rest of your skin is... also fleshy and soft. Warm. Your face... chest... stomach... everything. Your tits are really cute, too. It occurs to him that all those rabid commenters on all those boards and videos would probably kill to be him right now, pinching and squeezing at your nipples. He's seeing something they will never see. It gives him an ego boost, to be honest, makes him feel proud to get a sort of one-up on them. He gets you naked, but refrains from pulling your legs apart. He probably... wouldn't be able to control himself, and he's aiming for some self-control right now.

So he waits. Breathes deep. Restrains himself with every ounce of willpower he has. It occurs to him he has no fucking clue what he's gonna say to you. Unfortunately, that thought occurs to him as you're starting to twitch and mumble, so, he doesn't have too much time to think. Oh, fuck, you're not restrained... well, he bought some duct tape and handcuffs and blindfolds off of amazon too, so he quickly puts those in place as you're starting to wake up, and then finally, you come to full consciousness -- that telltale jerking at the restraints, the muffled little cry of confusion and fear. It's kinda hot to be honest. Well, fuck, very hot actually. You're so scared. It gives him a rush of power. Said rush goes straight to his dick.

He's got a mixed twist of guilt and arousal at the whole thing, but... he's still trying to have some self control... and if you start begging and pleading and crying, it would be too much. Oh, no, not that it would be too much in terms of guilt, no no, just that he wouldn't be able to stop himself from fucking you if he sees you cry. So he leaves the restraints on for now, so he can't see your face emote.

Then, he does something really, really mean. He knows it's cruel, honestly, it's just... so cute. What that is, is that he does nothing. Says nothing. He goes about his work, typing away, knowing you can hear, but doesn't say a word. He knows you're awake, he just wants to see how long you can sit there scared out of your mind before you finally make another noise to draw his attention. Right now, he thinks, you're probably debating, you're probably questioning whether you should keep quiet and make him think you're still out or make a noise... but eventually you will. He can see you trembling. You're probably thinking so many horrible things right now, wondering what will happen, what he'll do to you... it fills him with a sort of sadistic glee that overrides the guilt it comes along with. Sure, the guilt is there, but fuck, he could almost cum just watching you shiver, and that's more important.

And you finally make a noise. A little whimper. He stops typing, and swears he sees you tense when he does. And when he stands up, walks over to you (making sure to stomp hard and walk slow for extra effect, watching the way you curl in on yourself with each step he takes), and stops right in front of you. Finally, tells you not to scream. He's gonna give you water, ok? You nod. And, surprisingly, you don't make any move to scream or anything, you let him give it to you. You don't move a muscle besides your shaking and sucking the straw and swallowing the water. You must be really scared of him. He knows that's technically not what he should want, but... it feels nice.

He spent that time of silence coming up with what to say to you. He says that for now, you're going to stay right here. Don't ask questions. Don't make any attempt to escape. If you really need something, tap the headboard until he hears. Understand?

You're... Surprisingly receptive. You give a twitchy smile and stammer out an o-okay. He's almost pleased, but quickly realizes what you're doing.

You've been trained for this, you see. This kind of thing is attempted rather frequently in the industry. You received training for this situation - comply, don't fight, prioritize your safety, because in 99% of these cases, the missing idol is found and recovered within 48 hours. So you do what you were told to do -- smile, pretend you're ok with it, don't do anything to anger your captor.

He knows that too. He doesn't do much in that 48 hours, in fact, he even tells you he's waiting to "see what happens." He knows he can't control himself very well, so he stays in his living room for the most part and works on research, it might be pointless if he's in jail a few hours from now, but oh well. Sleeps on his couch. He offers to feed you, but you say you don't feel good. He understands.

See, in his mind, if he gets to fuck you once or twice and then be hauled off to prison and never touch you again, well, that would be actual, literal torture, so much so that never fucking you at all would be more bearable. So that's why he forces himself to wait now. He feels like he can't breathe, he's so nervous, like any moment police are going to come knocking on his door. Every little sound makes him jump. He can't sleep.

But 48 hours pass and... nothing happens.

He breathes a bit easier. Finally dares to go online, which he's been avoiding, and check on your situation... Oh, wow, social media has exploded over your disappearance. But... They have no leads. Nothing. Says she basically vanished out of thin air. Situation is, quote, "looking hopeless." Huh. He did an even better job than he thought he did. There's videos from loved ones begging the captor to let the girl go, offering to give him money even. A lot of money. But, you're more valuable than any monetary measurements could ever conceive. And he's happy. It really worked out. Everything went right, and for once, he has something that really, really makes him happy.

Likewise, the 48 hours are even more torturous for you. You start out telling yourself it'll be fine. Hopeful. But that hope in your chest slowly, gradually dies out as you realize you've hit the 48-hour mark. Even for a normal missing person, you've always heard that if they don't find them within 48 hours... the chances of ever finding them goes down significantly. But, that's because they're usually dead, right? And this guy won't kill you, so, your chances are better, right...?

He comes back after that 48 hours and finally, for the first time since you woke up, crawls onto the bed, touches you, grabs your hips with his hands. Tells you that, well, they haven't found anything yet and it looks like they aren't going to, so you're officially his now, and he's no longer worried. You should accept it. It'll make things easier for both of you if you do. You'll get adjusted in no time, you'll see.

Unsurprisingly, you're a bit less compliant than you were when you had hope. You whimper and and struggle, but it's really weak. So much so it's cute. You ask who he is. No one important, he says. Just... A fan of yours. You can hear clothes shuffling. He doesn't waste time, he's already waited two whole days suffering, so he gets his dick in you pretty quickly. Manages to make you cum. It horrifies you and kinda surprises him too to be honest. You must kinda like pain, huh. Well, that works out well.

As time goes on, what hope you had left dies completely. Weeks pass. You realize they're not coming for you. In an attempt to get you to accept it, he even shows you that you've been replaced. They're rather quick to fix the absence. They have a new girl in your spot by the end of the month. He quickly realizes maybe he shouldn't have told you, from the way your face falls and you get all hysterical. Sorry. It's the way the industry is. Don't worry. She's not even half as cute as you.

He shows you the announcement when they close the investigation, too. This also earns a rather hysterical response, but he thinks it's important you see it, so you can finally come to terms with your fate, the way things were always meant to turn out. He gets a bit frustrated. Just accept it. It's not that hard. The sooner you do, the happier you'll be. It's for your own good that you accept it.

And you do. Try as you might. You begin to make conversation. He's the only source of interaction you have. You learn about him and his life. You become invested in it. You start to cum more easily. When he's sitting on the opposite side of the bed typing away, you find yourself slowly wiggling your way over and pressing yourself against the warmth, and he certainly doesn't mind. You ask him about his research just to hear a voice talk.

And sometimes you sing. It's absent minded, soft and quiet, when you have nothing else to do. He likes that a lot. You get sweeter. Nicer. Fight less. It does take a bit longer than two weeks to set in fully. But it does in the end.

He can't be with you 24/7, as much as he would like to be, so sometimes he has to tell you to just hang on a little while. Be good and sit still for just a bit. He'll be back soon. Just give him an hour. You're just really distracting and, well, his progress report is due tomorrow morning.

And you keep getting upset over the new member, bring it up a lot... It must have really bothered you, huh. Well, don't feel bad about being replaced. To him, nothing could ever replace you... you're still his favorite.

#.al #.idol

[popculturebuffet]

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 1990 Review: Still Possesses Turtle Power After All These Years

Cowabunga all you happy people! I freaking love the Teenage Ninja Turtles. I grew up with it from Turtles in Time, which was my first video game, to the 2003 cartoon, which I covered the first three episodes of last month, and on to present day as I re-read the idw comics after finally reading the original eastman and laird run of mirage, and impatiently waiting for Shredder’s Revenge to come out after a LONG drout of no good TMNT games. I”m a fan of these heroes four, their dynamic as a family, the endless possiblities that come from it’s long history and ablitlity to go anywhere in any genre, and the wonderful goofy shit that happens when you have a franchise about mutant turtles learning ninjitsu from a rat and fighting a dude covered in knife covered samurai armor. 

So with me finally covering the guys after almost a year last month and with a new movie set to debut at some point this year, I had the bright idea to revisit the FIRST TMNT movie after way too many years of not watching it. This movie is anear and dear to my heart: When I first started getting into the boys big as a kid with the 2003 cartoon, I badly wanted more turtles. But back then it wasn’t nearly as easy to glom onto some more of the sewer shock pizza kings: Streaming sites with all the cartoons on them weren’t all that accesable, dvd’s were expensive for the 87 cartoon, Mirage wasn’t reprinting the comics in any meaningful way and my local comic shop didn’t have any at all and I could only play the SNES when my brother had it set up on occasion like at our Grandma’s farm. 

As you probably guessed though there was one exception: the original 1990 movie, which I got at Walmart for 5 bucks and haven’t let go of since. It was one of my first dvds and is still one of my most precious. Said film hit the spot just right as like my beloved 2003 series, it was a mildly goofy but still fucking cool adaptation that stuck closer to the mirage comics, even more than the 2003 series would, while taking a few queues from the 87 series. This film is as precious to me as the 2003 series and a with a brand new movie coming up, I figured it was the exact right time to dig into this classic: what makes it still good to this day, what’s fun to point and laugh at, and how the heck Jim Henson got involved in this. So join me under the cut as I take a look at my boys first theatrical outing and why I still love watching a turtle. 

No One Wanted To Make This: Before we get into the film itself some background. As usual I struggled a bit, but thankfully found some help in the form of this Hollywood Reporter article.  It’s a fascinating read worth your time, providing an oral history of the film from the people who worked on it. 

The film was the baby of Gary Propper, a surfer dude and road manager for the prop comic Gallagher, aka that guy who used to smash watermelons but now has instead opted to smash what little’s left of his career by being a homophobic douchenozzle. He found an ally in Showtime producer Kim Dawson who’d produced Gallagher’s special. I don’t think there will be more of an 80′s sentence than “Gallagher’s surfer dude agent wanted to make a teenage mutant ninja turtles movie”. Propper was a huge fan of the comics, and with Dawson’s help convinced Laird and Eastman to let them option it to studios. 

It may come as a shock to you but the road agent for a homophobic watermelon man and a producer at a niche cable channel wanting to make a movie based on an underground comic book about masked turtles at a time when the two most recent comic book movies were Superman IV: The Quest for Peace and Howard the Duck, did not go well. Every door in Hollywood got slammed in their face, even Fox> Even the eventual backer of the film, Golden Harvest, a hong kong action film studio, took months to convince to actually back the film. 

Things did not get easier from there: The films writer Bobby Herbeck had trouble getting a story agreed on because Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird’s working relationship had deteroiated horribly from the stress so naturally the two could not agree on a damn thing and argued with each other. Peter Laird  made a tense siutation even worse by constnatly sniping at Herbeck and feeling he was a “Hollywood outsider infringing on his vision and characters”

Granted the script was apparently not great... but Pete still comes off as a pretnetious ass who views his weird indie comic as THE HIGHEST OF HIGH CALLINGS HOW DARE YOU SOIL IT. And continued to be kind of a prick like this throughout the rest of his time with the property. 

Thankfully the film found i’ts voice, vision and director in Steve Barron. Barron was a music video guy who knew the producers and while reluctant, eventually dove into the project rightfully thinking the film would need to be a mix of the mirage comics and 87 cartoon, keeping aprils’ reporter job, the turtles lvoe of pizza and their iconic color coding from the cartoon but adapting several stories from the comics as the backbone of the film. The guys liked barron MUCH better and things ran smoother. 

Barron also brought in one of the film’s biggest selling points and it’s most valuable asset: it’s triumphantly awesome Jim Henson costumes. Barron had worked with good old Jim on the music videos for Labyrinth, and while it took some convincing since the comics were violent as hell and that wasn’t Jim’s style, Barron eventually got him on board. This naturally doubled the budget, but given Henson’s costumes STILL hold up today and look better than the cgi used in the platinum dunes films... it was a good call. And this was brand new tech for jim, having to invent tons of new ideas and mechanisms just to make the things work, and said things still were absolute hell on the actors. Jim later ended up not liking the film for being too violent... which I find hilarious given how many muppets got eaten or blowed up real good on his show but regardless, I thank this legendary and wonderful man as without him this film WOULD NOT have worked. The costumes here look great, feel realistic, and you can’t tell the actors were dubbed much less horribly suffering in those suits. Much like Disney Land. 

The film would get picked up for distribution by New Line, and despite i’ts weird as hell origins and the long shot it had.. the film was a MASSIVE hit at the box office, owing to a combination of Batman 89 the previous year having proved comic book movies can work for audiences, the cartoon’s runaway sucess, and a massive marketing campaign. The film made it’s mark. So now we know how we got here let’s get into the film itself. 

What’s the Story Morning Glory?:

So the story for this one is largely cobbled together from some of the more notable arcs Eastman and Laird did before handing off the book to others full time as the stress of the company and the mounting tension with each other made it near impossible to work together on the book itself. 

To Save time i’m just going through what hte movie takes from the comics plot wise now to save me the trouble later:The movie takes elements from the first issue (The Turtles, Splinter and Shredder’s backstories, Shredder being fully human and the main antagonist, Shredder’s design and the final rooftop showdown that results in Shredder’s death), second and third, (April’s apartment over her dad’s old store and the turtles moving in when their home is ransacked and splinter has gone missing), the rapheal micro series (A tounge in cheek way of cashing in on the Mini-Series craze of the 80s, a one shot by modern standards and something that’s tragically been underused as an idea as only TMNT and MLP have used the idea at IDW, Raph meeting casey and their fight with one another), the return of shredder arc (One of the turtles being ambushed and mobbed by the foot and then thrown though a sky light (Leo in the comic and Raph here), the turtles being horribly outnumbered by them, Casey coming ot the rescue and metting the non-raph turtles for the first time, and them being forced to escape when the place goes up in flames), their exile to northampton (April writing in a journal, casey working on a car with one of the guys and one of hte guys looking over hteir injured brother), and finally, their triumphant return which was very loosely adapted as there are no deformed shredder clones and shredder not being dead yet in this version was not brought back by a colony of super science worms. 

So as for how this all comes together: Our story takes place in New York: A crimewave is high with muggings mysterious. There are a ton of phantom thefts going around and at most people have been seeing teens responsibile. And the police.. are at about this level of useful:

The only person doing something is April O’Neil, played by Judith Hoag. Hoag is easily the standout of the film, giving us a strong, confident woman with a wonderful sense of humor. She honestly might be my faviorite April O Neil, and given we’ve had some great ones with 2003, 2012 and Rise, that’s not something I say lightly. I honestly wish I’d recognized her in more stuff as she was both on Nashville and the mom in the Halloween Town films, and most recently was on the ScFy show the magicians. She’s a talented lady and i’m glad she’s still goin. 

April is a reporter for Channel 3 like the cartoon, though for some weird reason her boss from the cartoon is replaced by Charles Pennigton, played by Jay Patterson, whose currently dealing with his troubled son Danny, played by Micheal Turney. Pennington is horribly useless at both jobs: At work he tries to ease April off calling out Chief Sterns, who refuses to listen to April’s evidence gathered from japanese immigrants that the crimes resemble similar ones in japan in favor of trying to get charles to shut her up. Danny meanwhile is a member of the foot becase his dad thinks shouting out him and talking about him like he’s not there and generally being a dipstick will actually do anything to help him. 

I love the concept for the foot here. In addition to being a Ninja Violence Gang as always, they now recruit new members by finding kids without families or with troubled family lives and giving them a sense of family with the foot, and sweeting the bargin with a giant cave filled with arcade machines, a skate ramp and general late 80′s early 90′s kids goodies. Is it rediculous? Yes. Is it also clever as it gives Shredder an easy army of plausably deniable theives that he can pick the best out of to put in his elite that will be tirelessly loyal to him and him alone? Also yes. 

So April being public about this stuff gets her attacked, which naturally leads to our heroes coming in, first in the shadows and later directly when April wont’ give up on the case and Shredder sends some ninjas to go shut her up.. which he does weirdly as the guy jsut slaps her and tells her to cut it out like he’s on a domestically abusive episode of Full House. Raph saves her, and we get the turtles origin.. though weirdly they cut it in half. We get the ooze portion but Splinter’s past with Saki, Saki’s murder of his master and his master’s partern Tang Shen is left for later in the film and the fact Shredder’s saki is treated as a big twist despite the fact the biggest audience for the film would be kids... and kids would’ve been familiar with the cartoon where the giant brain monster routinely screeches out saki at the shredder. Maybe Barron just thought he was an alcoholic I don’t know. It just would’ve made more sense to have it all at once and let the audeince put it together. 

April becomes good friends with the turtles over a night of frozen pizza and camradrie, but the Splinters return home to find it ransacked, Splinter kidnapped by the foot, and are forced to Stay with april. Charles meanwhile tries to get April to backoff because he made a deal with the police to clear Danny’s record, without TELLING her any of this mind you, but I will save my rage on that little plot point for in a bit as Danny who he drug along sees the turtles and tells the Shredder. 

So we get the return of the shredder arc as Raph goes through a window, our heroes fight valiantly, and Raph’s friend Casey who he met earlier shows up, the two having bonded as all true friends do.. by beating the shit out of each other ending with raph shouting DAMNNNNNNN really big and dramatically into the sky for some reason. The Turtles and friends escape with an injured raph from April’s burning second hand store. She had a second hand store it was poorly established and only there because she had it in the comics. 

Our heroes retreat to a farm April’s grandma owned in Northampton, Massachutes, where Mirage was located at the time the original comics where they were exiled to the place were written and a location that has been a staple of the turtles ever since. The turtles slowly recover, lick their wounds, talk about who hooked up with who on gilligans island etc, before Leo connects with Splinter via meditation, who tells them to come back. Splinter also starts to connect with Danny and convinces him to swtich sides.. or at the very least squat in the boys old home. 

The boys return home, find danny, and prepare, Danny goes back and ends up giving away the Turtles are home.. but the turtles are ready and in an awesome sequence kick the fuck out of the foot squad sent for them with some well prepared steam vents. Casey goes to get splinter since Danny told them and with Danny’s help, finds him, since Danny found out they were gonna kill him. Casey beats up Tatsu, shredder’s right hand man, and they get him out. 

We get our final fight which is awesome up until the climax.. which is splinter casually tripping shredder with nunchucks and thier bloody history being kind of rushed and unsatsifying. Casey crushes shredder with a garbage truck, April gets her job back, more on that in a moment, she and casey hook up, and we end with the fucking awesome song T-U-R-T-L-E Power by partners in cryme. Seriously check it out it’s fucking triumphant. 

The song is just good.. cheesy? Sure but that’s half the fun. It’s the gold standard for movie theme songs for them and stacks up handily with the various animated series themes.. all of which slap. Okay... ALMOST all of which slap. Fast Forwards is aggressively medicore, which is doubly suprising to me since 4kids was REALLY damn good with theme songs. It was one of the three things they were best at along with finding VERY talented voice actors and setting japan based works in america because merica dammit.  

The plot is very solid: It skilfully packed half of eastman and laird’s run on TMNT into 90 mintues while adding things like April’s job at channel 9, the way the foot recurited kids etc. The plot flows well for hte most part and apart from one annoying subplot we’ll get to never has a moment that feel unecessary or dosen’t pay off later. And the stellar plot and fun pacing of it helps boilster the characters that do work... and help paper over the ones that are so thin the’yd fall down a grate...

Our Heroes, Villains and Annoying Middle Aged Guys:

Yeahhhh character is hit and miss here. Some are rather strong, others are the bare basics for the character their adapting and most are just to serve the plot but some work some don’t,  So let’s talk about it starting with our boys:

Raph is the most fleshed out of the turtles, being the main focus of the first 2/3 of the film, and having his anger be part of what SHOULD be a character arc, learning to temper it. And while granted MOST TMNT properties do this, to the point that Rise Raph is so loveable in part because his boisterous bruiser big bro attitude is a refreshing break from the usual grumpus we get. But at the time this hadn’t been done in every version but the 87 cartoon, so exploring it was valid.. but despite saying this should be a thing htey just forget about it and the most plot relevance he gets is going thorugh a window. He dosen’t really get a resolution.. his arc just kind of stops dead for the final half and it’s one of the film’s weaker points, one I only just now noticed on this rewatch. He’s still the most entertaining. 

Leo is the weakest of the turtles. He really lacks a personality here mostly just being leader and while his spirtual side is touched on, it’s  mostly a plot device. He’s just kinda the leader because he was in the comics to the point Partners in Cryme called Raph the leader. His role in getting taken out by the foot was taken by Raph, so he just has.. nothing to do for most of the film other than gripe at raph ocasionally and say orders. He’s probably the worst Leo i’ve seen outside of Next Mutation. I prefice that because after watching Phelous’ review it’s VERY clear those four are the worst versions of the characters, and no personality is still better than either having your team do nothing or yelling at them as your personality. I chalk this up to the Mirage Leo, and the mirage turtles to a poit being kind of bland. Not TERRIBLE characters, especially for the time, but not nearly as fleshed out or individualized as they woudl be in other adpatations, and with most traits LEo DID have, like his badassery flat out gone, he’s just.. nothing here. 

Mikey and Donnie are a double act here with both sharing a brain. Interestingly instead of his normal genius character, Donnie is Mikey’s best friend and the two simply trade jokes and schtick together. The two are interchangable.. but easily the best part of the film and a lot of the most memorable gags and lines, from Ninja Kick the Damn Rabbit! to “Do you like Penicllin on your pizza”, are from them. Thier there almost entirely as comic relief but it works, with both clealry being more modled ont he 87 cartoon turtles, a move that helps lighten the mood in darker moments. Their just genuinely charming and it’s intresting to see such a diffrent version of Donnie, and other incarnations, specifically the 2003 and Rise versions, would retain the sarcastic edge. 

Splinter is splinter. That’s about it, he’s peformed well and the puppet is amazing but he gets kidnapped a half an hour in and outside of influcencing Denny, more on that in a moment, and finishing Shredder he dosen’t do much but spout exposition. He’s not bad or anything, but he’s essentially a rodent shaped plot device. He was also puppeted by Kevin CLash, aka the guy who does Elmo. So there you go. 

April on the other hand.. is truly excellent. This might be my faviorite April. Judith’s april nicely blends the cartoon and mirage versions: She has the cartoons energy and job, but the comics sheer will and casual nature. Judith just oozes personality and her April is just a joy to watch, from her breezy chemistry filled interactions with the guys to her confrntation with Chief Sterns, knowing she’ll get thrown out by the asshole. She’s confident, and even when afraid dosen’t back down to her attackers and even helps out during the sewer ambush. I mean it’s a pot on the head but still it’s neat. She’s easily the best part of the flim and the most fleshed out of the cast. The worst I can say is they kinda shove her store from the comics, Second Time Around, in there for no other reason than it was in the comics: It dosen’t come up until it’s needed for the foot’s assault on her place. But overall.. she’s just fantastic to watch. 

Speaking of fantastic to watch, Elias Koteas is fantastic as Casey. Seriously he’s only second to the 2003 version in my eyes, getting the concept of a testorone filled average guy who decided to just go out and hit people with sports equipment after watching too much A-Team.. I mean that part of it’s not in this version but it’s implied, just right. Like judith, Elias is just really funny to watch and his big scenes, showing up just in time during the foot assault on april’s place and his fight with Tatsu are some of the best parts of the film, the former taken directly from the comics. This version isn’t without problems: His friendship with Raph, his most endearing aspect and one that has been carried throughout eveyr version Casey’s important, with the only exception so far being rise and we have a movie to fix that, is absent here. HE does save the guy, but they don’t really bond or anything. In fact he disappears for about half an hour after his big fight with Raph. But... again he’s just so damn entertaining, down to his JOSEEEEEEEEEEE Conseco bats (There was a two for one sale!).

Shredder is just a LITTLE better than splinter, if only because his actor projects a true aura of menace and I feel this version had some influence on the pants crappingly terrifying 2003 version. And the idea of the foot recurting teenagers like I said is a good one: He gives them home and a cause, they give him plausably deniable backup. And his fight with the boys in the climax is really awesome... the conclusion sucks but otherwise h’es okay. Not the deepest villian, but he has enough presence to be enjoyable.

His right hand man Tatsu, whose been adapted ocasionally since this and reimaigned as Natsu in the IDW comics, a female version, is also fine. He’s your standard grimacing goon but has enough presence to work. 

So that brings us to the penningtons. Charles, april’s boss at the station and his son Danny who’s joined the foot as he feels his dad dosen’t love him. Charles..is about as interesting and likeable as a dog turd and is the worst aspect of the film. No debate there, he just sucks. He sucks so hard he’s classified as a black hole.  The film wants you to see him as a put upon wokring dad whose frustrated with his son’s increased moodiness, skipping school and crminal undertakings and just wants to help him and loves him deep down. The problem is his actor’s delivery instead of concerned.. is just pissed. He just seems pissy and upset about the whole thing and comes off like he’s only mad about Danny doing this because he’s embarassing him and not because you know, it’s bad. When confronting Danny about stealing, he dosen’t consider MAYBE he’s part of a gang or needs help, but just wonders “Why are you stealing when I give you stuff”. Because, Dipshit, sometimes kids do crimes not because they need the stuff but because they WANT to, and because they want to act the fuck out. 

The most he does for the kid is agree to try and get April to back off the police when Cheif Sterns offers to let Danny go and not put him on record in exchange for it. The problem.. is this makes him even MORE unsympathetic. While I do get wanting to help your child, I do and it’s a sucky position... he again should be sympathetic.. but he handles the thing so badly it sucks. He just tells april to ease off, with no reason given, then fires her when she SHOCKINGLY dosen’t give up taking the guy whose refusing to take her hard work seriously or actually solve the crime wave problem to task for his shitty behavior as ANY person facing a shitty, corrput cop would. She just wants to hold him acountable and get him to actually do something. He clearly knows her on a personal level too as he talks about his issues with his son freely with her, something you don’t do with an employee unless their also a friend on some level. 

He could have TOLD april what was going on. She’d be furious at Stern’s naked corrpution and prioritizing shutting her up over actually solving crimes.. and thus put at least some of that energy into shutting him down or finding a way around it, going to the papers or something like that. Even in 1990 pre-internet, there were ways to get around Sterns blackmail and expose him so someone who’d actually do the job could get the job. Instead he just comes off as a selfish coward who rather than try and fight the guy blatantly abusing his power and using Charles own son as  barganing chip, goes along with it because it’s the easier option to simply bow to him instead of TRY and stop this. And it’s not like he’s even going after a beloved public figure or someone who could hide behind his rep: Sterns was blatantly failing a crime wave, April had called him out on his failrues and coverups multiple times. The public was against sterns.. finding out he tried to blackmail the media into shutting up about him would PROBABLY end him... I only say probably not because the public wouldn’t skewer him, but because police tend to escape consequences for blatantly murdering someone on a daily basis and Andrew Cumo is STILl mayor over in new york, the same city this movie takes place, 31 years later, depsite EVERYONE asking him to resign over a long history of sexual harassment and a more recent but still horrible history of hiding death numbers. I don’t doubt people being stupid enough to ignore this or the bilaws with cops being stacked enough for him to get away with it, but just because someone gets away with a crime dosen’t mean you shoudln’t try and go after them in the first place. Fuck. Charles. Pennington. 

Danny on the other hand is FAR more interesting and I think gets way too much flack when it comes to this subplot. Unlike his dad, whose dead weight, Danny is intresting: He provides a POV character for the foot’s MO in the film of taking in wayward teens, and his character arc is pretty engaging, slowly realizing the foot dosen’t care and that hte turtles are the good guys. HIs actor does a great job and while not the biggest presence, he’s not a bad addition to clan hamaoto and I wish other adaptations would find a way to use him. The pull between doing the right thing and his found family is a good struggle. My only real issue with his plot is the moviies flawed aseop about family. It tries to contrast shredder and his using the kids blatnatly with Splinter and Charles really loving their sons. And it works with Splinter and the kids because despite being a tad strict, Splinter clearly loves his sons and works with them to help them. The problem is ENTIRELY with Charles and Danny. As I said Charles love comes off as transasctional: He either thinks he can buy it or just expects it because he shot a bunch of goop into Danny’s mom after two minutes of disapointment. It dosen’t work with them because neither option is good for Danny. His father is neglectful, chooses throwing his jounralistic integrity out the window over talking to his son or his best friend about another way, and abrasive. Danny is no saint, he does do crimes, but it’s clearly a result of a shitty upbringing and the shredder and co actually offeirng him the love he desperatly craves. Danny goes to the foot because his dad is bad at his job but the film never adresses that and just expects Danny to go back to his dad because the plot says so. Danny would HONESTLY be better off with Splinter. No really. Sure he’d have to live in the sewers.. but he did so for a few weeks in the course of the movie. He’s fine down there. Splitner actually cares about him and took an intrest to him and knows how to raise a child. Let him become the fifth turtle. An aseop about family is not a bad thing: Loaded subject that it can be given how many outright abusive families exist, i’m one of the lucky ones who dosen’t have that issue, family is an important thing and can be a source of comfort and support. But this film tells you you should love and respect someone who does not love, respect or value you because he spent a minute in your mom’s vagina and that’s not how family should work and is outright dangerous to kids in an abusive situation. Love the film otherwise but fuck this aseop skyhigh. 

Final thoughts:

Overall though.. the film is bodacious. It’s funny, well paced, has an awesome cast, and outside of a certain bald asswipe... it’s a really good superhero film. Is it the best i’ve seen? Nope. Not even close and character wise most of them are as thin as a wet paper bag covered in ranch dressing. But it’s still a fun as hell with awesome corepgraphy, a killer soundtrack, seriously the soundtrack is damn excellent and only didn’t get it’s own section because I didn’t have enough to say and some of the best effects work i’ve seen in a film in the turtle suits. If you haven’t seen it I urge you to check it out: it’s a breezy 90 minutes, it’s on hbo max and it’s a shell of a time. Will I do the next film? 

We’ll see how this one does like wise and such, but I will be doing the rise film whenever it comes out this year. So look for that and keep possesing turtle power my dudes. If you liked this review subscirbe for more, join my patreon to keep this blog a chugging, comission a review if you have more turtle stuff you want me to cover, and comment on this. What do you think of the movie, what are your thoughts on the review, what can I do better, what other turtle stuff would you like me to cover/ Let me know and i’ll see you at hte next rainbow. 

#teenage mutant ninja turtles #teenage mutant ninja turtles 1990 #leonardo #raphael #donetello #michealangelo #casey jones #april o'neil #the shredder #oroku saki #new line cinema #golden harvest #film #90's movies #the 90's #partners in cryme #judith hoag

[im-not-shouting-im-projecting]

Some Seamster!Quinn Cooper HCs

I didnt intend for this to be this long, but my seamstress heart was inspired. I got kind of carried away, and had to refocus, so I'm going to do another post soon with some advice and anecdotes for wrighting costumers.

For the last couple of months I have been absolutely Obsessed with @poindextears 's Crickets, her SMH post-Waffle Frog OCs, and I have had a lot of headcannons about Quinn Cooper: a theatre kid extrordanare and Hoh icon who talks like he's from 50s and is the boyfreind of Nando (Cricket dman) as we have quite a bit in common. All of Mel's fics are amazing, and I would highly recommend! Give them a read on tumblr or AO3

--

I know Mel has said that Quinn's favorite place is Joanne's, which is completely understandable for someone who doesn't live near actual textile markets... but Joanne's (and similar chain craft/fiberarts supply stores) suck.

Like first of all, on a monetary level... I'm going to start with the assumption that high school Quinn didn't have a large project budget (reasoning: 1. his family is already tight with money, 2. I can't imagine his not-particularly-supportive guardians gave him lots of spending money (esp with theatre fees and materials) 3. I can't imagine he brought in tons of money on the side with a theatre schedule + grades good enough to go to med school + time with his old lady freind + time for sewing)

With that being said: Fabric is expensive. Way more expensive than people expect. Especially if you don't have expensive machinery (like overlock machines) that make cheap synthetic fabrics usable. Also I like to imagine Quinn is in the "fabrics made of plastic are itchy and bad for the enviornment" club like me.

All that is to say: Joanne's is absolutely the worst place that isn't actively upscale to buy fabric (or materials) on a budget.

- The shop's target demographic is stay-at-home white suburban moms who have the time to clip coupons, buy materials on a "when it's on sale" basis as opposed to a "my sister didn't notice the four seperate places I marked my shears 'fabric only' so now I physically cannot continue this project without buying new extra-sharp fabric scissors'" basis, and importantly: can stop by the store every day for a month because discounted items change on a day to day basis, all of which is not particularly conducive to someone a high school kids on a budget.

- Even with all the discounts in existance, the fabrics there are still super expensive and especially for the often lackluster quality (like... they are fine but if I'm paying literally $40/y for enough faux fur to make a big enough "mane" to cover the gap between the cowardly lion's padding and the actor's neck, we shouldnt have to sweep the fur bits off the stage at intermission)

- Additionally if you need a lot of fabric, say enough 7ft squares of heavy mustard yellow fabric for 30 lioness cape/pants? You might just need to run 4 seperate Joanne's out of two different fabrics that were close enough to each other to work

If you are putting in the time and effort to make something complicated,

- Also, and this is probably the most obvious: there just aren't that many options. If you want anything other than a cotton or fleece, than you better hope the single shade they have in the right color works

So I have established: Joanne's = Bad

So how does Quinn factor into all this?

Well first of all I would like to imagine that at some point Quinn helped out in SMH costuming, where they teach him the magic of using something that already exists. Samwell being as liberal as it is, I would like to think that the costuming people are aware of how awful the current state of fabric waste is, and, how his sewing skills are so much better used altering things at thrift shops beginning his journey twords my completeley basess headcannon that he one day adopts some vintage looks

While I think he would be down to adopt some of these practices in his costuming (a la my personal anectode below), I have a feeling that Quinn is one of those people who just likes to make things from scratch. (reasoning: 1 his general personality, but far more importantly, 2 THIS BOY WANTED TO MAKE EVAN HANSEN'S POLO BY HAND, WHY??? WHAT IS THE PURPOSE??? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TIME THAT TAKES???????? YOU ARE WILLING TO SPEND UPWORDS OF TEN HOURS OF YOUR LIFE ON A MODERN STYLE SHIRT THATS GOING TO BE SEEN 4 TIMES???)

I get it, especially for historical reconstructions, there are people who genuinely love sewing by hand, I love Bernadette Banner as much as the next seamstress, but I honestly don't know how they do it.

I like to think that Quinn would be wandering around some thrift store and out of the corner of his eye notice some curtains and have a vision of frolicking through a meadow like Julie Andrews in cloths made out of a curtain... metaphorically. But he def gets "Do a Dear" stuck in his head every time he wears it

Of course the SMH Costuming crew introduce him to some better places to at least get draping and mock up fabrics, but I think they would also introduce him to an actual fabric store.

Samwell is close enough to Boston that I'm sure there's an actual fabric warehouse within driving distance, so when Quinn can't find a suitable material at his beloved Joanne's, and is understandably skeptical about ordering fabric online, Ford is just like dude, go to the fabric warehouse, so he gives it a try.

Ok his fist thought when he gets there is omg everything is so big. Ok, that's his second thought, his first thought is ugh this smells like the SMH locker room, bc a giant block of concrete with no internal climate control in the New England humidity stuffed to the brim with moisture-holding fabric is def gonna make some kind of funk.

But after that like...

Ok, on the left is your average Joanne's while on the right is your average fabric warehouse

I can totally imagine him physically getting lost. He is tiny, and those places are total mazes, absolutely ginormus, they are all stacked literally 8 feet tall, and all the rows look the same.

Fabric in warehouses is stored for maximum capacity as opposed to places like Joanne's where it is purposely stored in ways that display the whole selection at once. Additionally, while hobbyist bolts face out as much as possible so you can see it at a glance, professional grade bolts face in for protection

...If it's on the shelves at all, the hallmark of a textile warehouse is just dozens of bolts leaning haphazardly in precarious places

This tiny boy is just absolutely surrounded by rows upon rows of fabric, stored in ways that are absolutely not conducive to being looked at easily, and is incredibly frusturated bc Aggghhh I can't look at any of this without moving all of it around, and I can't reach any of it!!!

BUT!

Guess what he has?

Nando to the rescue!

Quinn's big strong dman boyfriend is more than willing to move around and carry the bolts for him and when need be he'll just straight up plop Quinn on his shoulders so he can see the stuff at the top :)

Ok, that's the gist of what I had to say, some other little seamster!Quinn hcs:

his old lady friend taught him the absolute basics, and his wedding gift from her is her 70 year old sewing machine that he first learned to sew on and he treasures that thing FOREVER

bc of his apparent love of hand sewing he is one of those people that swears by genuine leather thimbles, idk why it just feels like him

whenever people compliment his outfit he is just casually like "Oh thanks, I made it" (bc non sewers are always astounded by that and we get to gloat) because I said so

he makes Nando cute crop tops

#quinn cooper #the crickets #Poindexters #alannah talks about sewing #oh look i said something #sewing #costuming #quindo

[the-colony-roleplay]

COL22EVENT ⚔️ DRUNK MAN’S CHEST: Victory Party ⚔️

It was a little late, by the time the party came about—almost exactly two weeks after Delma’s victory in the first Games of the season—but Felix Turner had always been of the mind that ‘a little late’ was a perfectly acceptable trade off for something to be done right. This party was about him after all.

...Well, okay, it was technically about Delma and their ‘exciting’ victory—which was ironic considering Felix pretty much hated everything about his first experience with Colony 22′s infamous Games and most of the people in his house didn’t even seem to like him—but beneath the surface, this party was really about Felix. This was his chance to show off a little, and to prove that even if not everyone here recognized his name or respected his celebrity, it still had a place here; it still pulled some weight. It didn’t matter what stupid-bitch-face   Whitmer had to say, Felix was still a cut above the rest and that’s just the way it was. 

So this had to be right. Especially because, though he was unlikely to admit it, he was actually pretty desperate to find acceptance here. Which was like, sort of gross to think about, considering this entire Colony was basically one giant damp and odorous reject’s table, but whether he liked it or not, he was stuck here now and had to make the most of it. Besides, now that he was starting to form relationships here he actually cared about, he couldn’t risk letting a—totally undeserved—bad reputation ruin them.

In the end, his conversation with Koda about the decor had indeed convinced him to adjust his initial vision a bit. There was no way he was going manage a totally modern club vibe in this shit hole, so he figured he may as well... lean into the rustic thing as creatively as possible. But it had to be fun and surprising and it had to take people’s breath away, so Felix definitely still had his work cut out for him. That first week of March quickly became a blur of around-the-clock prep. Thank God for the help from Koda and Angel because even between the three of them, hunting down all the decoration materials had been a nightmare: Hours of sorting through the storage boxes Cambie had told him about (mostly a lot of fugly junk and tinsel), and days of Felix personally harassing trade merchants and marines. Though, having a person like Angel on his good side definitely paid off some in that department. 

And then there were all those extra hours he’d put in with Bee to polish up their dance. When he’d convinced her to agree to get it ready in time for the party, he’d acted like he’d not had any concern at all about whether or not they could pull it off. But he was concerned. Because just ‘pulling it off’ wasn’t good enough. They had to nail this. His reputation was at stake, and honestly, he couldn’t think of much worse a threat. He knew they both had the chops to do it, but that didn’t mean they could slack off. It’d been a long time since he’d danced in front of people. Plus he’d had to practice his vocal performances too... those came easier, because much of it was like muscle memory, but he was still nervous.

The evening of Friday the 4th, Fee arranged to have the Catch closed early (thanks Dad), and he, Koda and Angel loaded in boxes and got to work. When Tuck In came around, they were excused from roll call (thanks Angel), and they continued on until Fee’s fingertips were sore from using the staple gun to hang the sting lights. At which point, he’d passed it off to Koda, whose decorated hands were much stronger and more deft with these things (read: he was less of a pansy), and so they went a few hours longer. By the time they decided to call it a night, it was well into the early hours of the morning, and a very good thing they’d been excused from their Saturday wake up calls and activities (thanks Cambie). God, it was nice to be so well connected.

During the set up, Xavier Crane had stayed around after closing to supervise Fee’s little decoration team, which wouldn’t have bothered Felix so much if the bartender had just minded his own bloody business. He’d kept moaning stupidly about ‘Powerpack Limits’ when Fee had been testing out the twinkle lights and fog machine, and then when he’d been looking for a outlet for the dance floor tiles (for which he’d paid a bloody fortune to get off the Market), the bartender had had the audacity to interrupt again. Felix, of course, had gritted his teeth, plastered on a snide smile and kindly reminded him that he was Felix Fucking Turner and he knew exactly what he was doing, thank you very much.

Catch 22 remained closed and locked all of Saturday before the party, and Fee and Angel handled any necessary finishing touches. They even had time for one more quick tech run. By supper time, Felix was practically trembling with anticipation, and in the dining hall, gently excited chatter about the party could be overheard at every table. It left Felix feeling quite pleased with himself.

And the young, idyllic socialite would soon be equally as smug when the first half of the party and its opening performances go off without a hitch. In the hours that follow, however, he would come to wish he’d not dismissed Crane’s grumpy mutterings quite so hastily...

CHECK OUT FULL EVENT DETAILS AND SUMMARY UNDER THE CUT!

Welcome To: ⚔️ DRUNK MAN’S CHEST: A DELMA VICTORY PARTY ⚔️

This post marks the official commencement of Colony 22′s 8th non-games related event, “Drunk Man’s Chest”!

                                        ⚔️ Event Details ⚔️

Date: Saturday, March 5th, 2163 Time: 8pm-1am (doors @7:30) Location: Catch 22 Note: In lieu of a cover charge, Felix requests that guests consider donating credits at the door to compensate the Trade Merchants and Elites who made the event possible.

Alrighty mateys!! We’re pleased to bring you this belated but eagerly anticipated Delma Victory Party thrown by none other than The Felix Tee (insert groans and exasperated/fond eye rolls as necessary). Since this is a follow up to our last event and the first Games of Colony 22′s 2163 season, Dead Man’s Chest, Felix and his happy helpers have carried on with the swashbuckling theme.

It is not explicitly a costume party, but it is themed, so attendees are encouraged to dress up. At the door, citizens will receive gold ‘doubloons’ which they can exchange at the bar for complimentary drinks of their choice. They may also order from a menu of three feature cocktails, designed and named specifically for the night’s celebrations, by none other than yours truly. Doubloons allowance per citizen will be allotted as follows:

Delma SC1, SC2 & Elites: 4 doubloons

Delma SC3: 3 doubloons

Brink, Calyset, Torren SC1, SC2 & Elites:  3 doubloons

Brink, Calyset, Torren SC3s: 2 doubloons

Doubloons have a value of one drink each. Excess cocktails and other beverages may be purchased using individual credits, at standard bar price. Alcoholic consumption regulations according to the New Wave Mandate still apply.

Additionally, in the interest of inclusivity, Felix is providing complimentary earplugs at the door for any increased hearing citizens who feel they might need them for the dance party. (Due to limited quantities, they are reserved only for Infected citizens.)

                                     ⚔️ Decor & Menu ⚔️

Decor for the bar and table sections of the Catch was inspired with a ‘crow’s nest’ aesthetic in mind. Enough twinkle and string lights have been hung from walls, ceilings, posts and tables to replace the overhead lights entirely, which have been left off. Every table and booth features a rustic candle centrepiece (tea-lights dropped into short, somewhat mismatched, frosted-glass candle holders of coppers and golds) and rolled bits of parchment tied with twine, designed to look like treasure maps.

The walls and surfaces are modestly scattered with a variety of pirate and captain’s hats, as well as a few classily-displayed maps—some printed and some tastefully hand drawn.

The feature cocktail selections are as follows:

The Delma Daiquiri Rum, lime juice, and simple syrup with a splash of cherry liqueur. Blended with raspberry puree* and ice. Garnished with a maraschino cherry.

Feequila Sunrise Tequila and grenadine topped with delicious, foamy peach juice shaken over ice for a glimpse of that sunrise on the horizon! Garnished with a fuzzy peach candy.

TeeTotal A non-alcoholic mocktail shaken with lime juice, honey and black current puree*, topped off with sparkling water.

**All purees and juices made from tinned fruit.

                                     ⚔️  Performances ⚔️

Performances start at 8:30pm and take place on the Catch 22 stage. The Catch having been set up for small performances plenty of times before, this portion of the evening is executed with no hiccups.  One hand-designed set list on parchment-like paper is found on every table.

As a whole, the vocal performances have a laid-back, acoustic vibe. The dance performances, however, close the showcase with a lively and upbeat mood. Before the show, Felix also reminds citizens that some dance performances (*cough*) may not be appropriate for all audiences.

Of course, Felix had made Corbin promise [x] that this ‘exotic dance’ of his would not be a strip show and, like a fool, he’d believed him. The afternoon before, he’d watched the inked Delma install a pole (that he’d apparently gotten off the trade market years ago...) at the back of the stage and practice a few (begrudgingly impressive) moves.

But tonight, when the time comes for the showcase’s highly anticipated closing number and Felix quietly flicks on the smoke machine, he is suddenly reminded that Corbin is known around Delma for his exhibitionism, not his honesty. And so, biting his lip nervously, he watches on amidst a whooping crowd as Corbin—on brand as ever—makes a meal out of baring it all.

Check out the full set list on the graphics blog, HERE! Please also check out the source links for the songs as I’ve carefully picked out acoustic versions to represent each in-verse performance as closely as possible! (With the exception of Angel’s songs, who is mostly singing to Echo Tracks). The dance performances feature example source links as well!

                                         ⚔️  Dance Party ⚔️

When the performance showcase is over, the real party begins. Live music is replaced with Echo playlists filtering through the sound system (Felix’s opportunity to boast many of his own dancier tracks, of course), and the relaxed, rustic vibe is no more. The twinkle lights around the bar stay, but with the bass bumping and the moon now high in the sky, Felix slips behind a curtain and starts flicking switches like a tot smashing elevator buttons.

Blacklight tube fluorescents spring to life along the back walls. Overhead, a rotating disco ball blinks multicolours and begins to sparkle and turn. Felix starts cracking and throwing glow sticks and bracelets into the crowd by the the dozens like a manic Twink-Oprah: ‘You get a glow stick and you get a glow stick and you get a glow stick!!’

And finally, the dance floor starts to glow, too. 

Though there is usually some open space in front of the stage, tonight all of the free standing tables have been pushed tighter together into other areas of the bar to make room for the easy-snap LED tiles that have been laid down (in roughly a ten by twelve quadrant). When turned on, these tiles light in a variety of colours and respond to vibrations, pulsing and changing to the beat of music.

The crowd responds well with whoops and cheers and calls for more drinks, and it’s everything Felix had hoped for. It’s also the beginning of everything Crane had warned him about. With the blenders still whirring away with drink orders, and the old, creaky ice machine straining to keep up, Felix’s party is suddenly asking for much more than what the Powerpacks allotted to the Catch can provide. Fortunately for the attendees, between the P-Packs and the back up auxiliary power,  it would be enough to keep the fun afloat. Unfortunately for Felix, his arrogance would yet again be at fault for his own disappointment and embarrassment.

                                       ⚔️ The Mishaps ⚔️

Technically speaking, the disruptions in the rest of the night’s electrical can be relatively easily explained: because of the overloaded power supply, periodical power surges will cause Catch 22′s Powerpack Supply (PPS) to fail, and the back up auxiliary power from the Colony’s main frame to kick in. However, this is a system designed specifically for emergencies, and once the PPS reboots, anything drawing electrical power will falter for a moment as its source switches back to the PPS.

This is the simplified explanation of the cause. However, the visible results, for anyone who doesn’t know anything about electrical systems, just wind up looking a bit like something out of a made-for-TV haunting flick. Of course, after a handful of incidences, the average person may put two and two together rather quickly. Felix, however, despite Crane’s insistent ‘I told you so’s is secretly becoming increasingly convinced that perhaps it’s not the power at all, but rather the Praeterics—the Poltergeists of the Colony—trying to mess with him and ruin his special night.

Below is a list of some of the disruptions experienced periodically over the rest of the night.

Flickering lights: including surging and weakening

Momentary power failures: lights, music and appliances all lose power and return about 8-10 second later with the auxiliary power

Weird humming and buzzing coming from light fixtures and sockets: usually moments before a power failure

Berserk blenders: brief power surges sending any appliances in use on the fritz

Lawless locking mechanisms: due to the frequent switching back and forth between the power supplies, the emergency security systems begin to malfunction. As many blackout protocols include lockdowns for security reasons, the system’s automated lock responses are now getting backed up and confused. The result is individuals getting locked in and out of the Catch’s only washroom (multi-stalls and gender neutral) as well as the front and back doors of the Catch, for periods ranging from two to ten minutes.

The above ‘mishaps’ all occur repeatedly over the course of the evening, some more frequently than others. 

There is one more malfunction slated to occur which does not appear on this list, as it will only happen once near the end of the night, and it will be announced on the main blog sometime before the wrap of the event.

                                       ⚔️ RP Guidelines ⚔️

All our standard event guidelines with which most of you will be familiar apply again, and they are as follows:

As of right now, you may not post any new threads that are not affiliated with the event or in alignment with this timeline.

You may continue any old threads you have going, though we ask that you tag them #preevent or indicate they are pre-event in the timeline. This is just to help keep things clear on the dash as to what’s going on at the party and what’s not.

All new event threads being posted must be titled as such, indicating that they are Event threads. So they could look something like this:

PARTY PARTY YEAHHH // FELIX + WHOEVER // DRUNK MAN’S CHEST OR LIKE:

SHOTS-SHOTS-SHOTS-SHOTS-SHOTS-SHOTS | T.A. & M.P | DMC OR LIKE:

BOOTEH BOOTEH ROCKIN’ EVERYWHERE | CORBIN AND ? {EVENT} …and so on and so forth. Formatting does not matter! Do it however you like. Just indicate somewhere in the title bar that it is event related. 

You are also permitted to do threads that take place anytime Saturday the 5th before the event, if you want to do getting ready threads or anything like that. However, for clarity we suggest you indicate this somewhere in your tags, title or with a timestamp at the top or your starter. 

Also, since it’s a theme party: You may post photos of your character’s clothing/outfit(s) etc, if you wish, but you are by no means obligated to do so. Feel free to post these to your own blog. However, if you make any stylized graphic-art related to the event, please submit them to the graphics blog as usual.

Finally, please tag all your photos, self paras and event starters with #COL22DMC (and don’t forget the regular starter tag for starters as well!) 

Alright, it’s been literally a million days since I started writing this post (I’m not kidding, I’ve somehow been working on this event for about ten hours a day, three days straight *dies*) and I think that just about wraps it up?!?!? I survived!!! Leave it to fucking Felix Turner to make me work so damn hard on a stupid little party.  

A MASSIVE shout out to Lottie for helping me brainstorm and work out the details for the framework of this event, and to Maddie for all her wonderful input with drink menus and other things!! Also, thank you everyone for your patience in reading this mile-long post, and without further adieu, I set you all free to do your RP thang! (Fly my pretties, flyyy!!!) 

And remember! Please, please direct any inquiries you may have along the way to the main blog’s ASK so that the mods can address them publicly if need be in case other people have similar questions or concerns!

Big Big Love,

Your Colony 22 Mods!! Xx

#col22dmc #col22admin #literate rp #original rp #mature rp

[daybreak-academy-fanfic]

Daybreak Academy: Chapter 79

The Templar To Your Mage

Summary: In which Ephemer and Anora shop for suspiciously familiar Halloween costumes. Word Count: 1,663 First | Previous | Next ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆

Their first stop for costumes was the thrift store. Neither of them were entirely sure what they were looking for, but that only added to the fun of it.

“Have you ever been to a Halloween party before?” Ephemer asked Anora, giving a curious tilt of his head. Anora had been looking at the clothing racks opposite of him. She did not look up at him before slowly starting to shake her head.

“We did trunk or treat when I was younger.” she told him. “We lived in an apartment, so anyone that had a car would open their trunks up and decorate them.”

Ephemer's eyes lit up. In the back of his mind he tried to imagine a much younger Anora. Too small to actually reach inside the car and SUV trunks so she'd be picked up by her parents to get the candy. In her charming little kid ways, she'd give the owner of the vehicle a big smile before going on to the next. Who knows? Maybe if she was just adorable enough, they'd even offer her more candy.

“I bet you were adorable.”

To this, Anora just raised and lowered a shoulder. She didn't offer any other clues to her past, which disappointed Ephemer, but he didn't press her to continue.

“Well, in any case,” the young man told her, “Our party will just be us. Skuld, Lauriam, Brain, Ventus, and you and me. Lauriam said that Strelitzia's coming along, and I think Ven mentioned he might bring a friend too. We might get a bit cramped in the clubroom, but if you feel uncomfortable, we'll leave immediately. And that's a promise, Anora.”

Anora's cheeks flared in a light shade of pink. Ephemer could not stop the grin on his face as he watched her. He soon turned his attention back to the clothing racks. The two of them were silent as they went through the clothing racks. Then something happened to catch Ephemer's eye.

“Hey Anora, check this out.”

Anora turned her attention over to Ephemer and saw that he was now holding a long, sleeveless duster jacket. It was made with a faux leather, looking like it could reach to her ankles.

“Come here and try it on.” he offered. “I think it'll fit you.”

Not seeing any harm in in, Anora nodded and moved around the rack to him. He helped her put the jacket, then she turned around for him to get a good look.

“It looks very… dark ages.” he decided, giving his chin a thoughtful scratch. “But a bit more modern. A very good juxtaposition. Kinda like an RPG, or something Oh! That's it! You can be a mage!”

Anora looked at him and blinked.

“Hang on,” he said as he went through the rack again, “I just saw this blouse that would perfect for this!” After a few quick screeches from metal on metal friction from the rack, Ephemer let out a sound of happy discovery as he pulled a light blue shirt off. It was a nice looking heavy cotton shirt, with buttons going down the front and lightly flared sleeves. Seeing Anora's almost interested approval made Ephemer beam with joy. “This will work perfectly!” he proclaimed. “We'll just need some distressed jeans. But we might need to get a new pair of shoes- your high tops aren't gonna cut it with this one. Maybe… combat boots. Yes! Knee high combat boots! I think I saw a pair of those around here somewhere too...”

For someone who usually groaned when Skuld asked him to go shopping with her, Ephemer sure did seem animated as he assembled Anora's costume for her. Anora's heart was almost pounding in her chest as she watched him. It was like the young man had been possessed by some entity from another world over, and was trying to recreate the fashions of that period. Ephemer had been so excited that he paid for the entire outfit on checkout.

“We need to go to the costume store next.” he told her as they left the thrift store. “You need a staff, and just a bit of something else to really tie the whole look together.”

All Anora could do at this point was nod and follow him. When was the last time she saw Ephemer this spirited? It almost felt weird. At the same time, it was very mesmerizing. Is this how he felt when she lit up with joy? No wonder he tried so hard to keep her curiosity flowing.

Ephemer was lost in his own world as they entered the costume store. He made an immediate beeline for the accessories and started to look through them all.

“Let's see...” Ephemer mused as he scanned the shelves. “You need… a belt. Something that just says 'mage' without it even being said...”

Anora cast Ephemer a questioning side glance, but didn't stop him as he went along the rows. It almost surprised her when he loud out a noise of happy exclamation.

“This will work!” Ephemer declared, picking up a belt that had a fake herbalist book attached to the side. He put the belt on Anora without a second guess. But after he clipped it on to her, his hands didn't leave her hips. In that very moment, his entire demeanor seemed to change. The young man's eyes glazed over slightly as he stared at the belt. As if he was given a vision of some alternate or future world line, he could almost see something else on Anora. A certain something that he was starting to bury his face in just to hide the deep blush that was growing on his face.

“Ephemer?” Anora quietly questioned, snapping Ephemer out of his thoughts with a jolt. He looked up at her with widening eyes.

“I love you.” he breathed before pulling her in for a quick kiss. Anora's noise of surprised was muffled by the embrace- not that she was particularly complaining, or anything. When he pulled away, his eyes fluttered slightly as he sighed. “You don't need any weapons, Anora. You kill me just by existing.”

She couldn't help it, but Anora let out a sound of disgust. It very quickly brought Ephemer down from his moment of hazy bliss. When he was properly aware of everything around him again, Anora had taken off the belt and was now carefully holding it in her hands. She looked up at him expectantly. It was like she had been waiting for him to come back down to earth for years.

“What are you going to wear?” she curiously wondered.

“Me?” Ephemer repeated, as if he had never considered it. “Oh, I dunno. Let's just look around a bit more.”

With an affirmative nod, the two them strolled through the costume store the way they had at the thrift store. As they came to the premium costumes, Ephemer found himself drawn to the knight costumes.

“That's it!” he declared. “I'll be a knight! No, even better- a Templar!”

At Anora's downcast glare, he felt the need to continue.

“A Templar is a special kind of knight- sworn to their duty to protect those with a magical affinity, but at a cost. In order to neutralize a mage's abilities, they have to ingest these super powerful rocks. No man or creature can touch these rocks without going insane. So the Templars are natural candidates for going absolutely nuts without being aware of it. But you and I? We're the exceptions. We're going to break all the boundaries and find a cure for the Templar's sickness!”

Anora was still not moved by Ephemer's apparent gusto. Her glare possibly more unwavering than it had been before.

“Just roll with it.” he assured her. With that, he looked through the various styles of each knight costume. He finally settled on one that was mostly light gray, accented with darker gray elbow guards. The set even came with a pair of near black, knee length medieval style pants. He'd have to find different shoes, though, as the set didn't include them. Thankfully, the costume store had a pair of medieval riding boots that would have worked just as well.

“I think that's it here.” Ephemer decided. “Unless there was anything else that you wanted to look at?”

Anora lulled her head from side to side as she thought it over. She was about to shake her head before something caught the corner of her eye. Sitting in the bargain bin was a highly decorative walking stick, marketed as a wizard's staff. Anora walked closer toward it- her feet earning a mind of their own in doing so. She cautiously pulled the staff from the bin to look it over.

The bottom of the staff was shaped similarly to the body of a violin. But, where the neck and handle pegs would be on the violin, the staff's shaft took on a different shape. The shaft was waved, and was even painted to look like a river of water. At the end, it was designed to look like a splash of water was holding up an iridescent treble cleft. The treble cleft itself looked like it was wearing something like a wizard's hat with a star on top.

“Counterpoint.” Anora mumbled under her breath, almost in bewilderment. Ephemer cast her a rather worried look.

“Anora?” he cautiously questioned. “You alright there?”

Blinking, she turned to him and held up the staff with eagerness.

“Can we get this too?” she asked him.

“I guess so.” Ephemer agreed, a nervous hand placing itself on his neck. He forced a small smile before adding, “Besides, what's a mage without her staff?”

The smile on Anora's face washed any momentary fear from Ephemer's mind. What was he so worried about anyway? It's not like magic could hurt her in this world, or anything. Besides, if it could, he'd be her Templar in shining armor, even if it killed him.

#daybreak academy #chapter 79 #kingdom hearts fanfiction #Ephemer #Anora #Fall 2020 #Season 2

[peremadeleine]

The Empathetic Dog Thief, Episode 1

Alternative titles: “Will: Deer Hunter and Dog Dad,” “Crimes Against Costuming,” “What Year Is It: A Crime Drama”

Armed with a gin & tonic and one sleepy cat, I finally gave the NBC show another shot.

I didn’t know Will had a superpower. Cool...?

How come he’s play-acting the murderer, though? Just because he can think like a killer doesn’t mean he needs to be reenacting it himself. That’s just confusing for the audience?? The way they did it in the Red Dragon movie was still effective without coming off as “aw, Will’s playing serial killer”

“This is my design” what

Plaid shirt and striped tie, truly a costuming sin. I didn’t love Will’s “modern wild west” costume vibes in Red Dragon, but it was better than this.

Don’t pretend that Jack and Will don’t know each other. Hate that.

Do look forward to hearing how many different ways people can pronounce “Graham” though.

Oh boy, why does Crawford push Will’s glasses up on his face while murmuring “hey” softly like a lover?? They’re strangers. That was mighty uncomfortable.

is he just assuming Will is on the spectrum? Right after they met???

and then Will confirms, but wait, he just has an “active imagination”?

STAY IN YOUR LANE

at least in canon Crawford doesn’t take advantage of people on the gd spectrum, and he spins it as being for the good of the victims. jfc.

“based on the characters by Thomas Harris”

Of course all the victims in the first episode are going to be women

“it’s not about all of these girls, it’s about one of them”--seven minutes in and they’re already ripping off Silence.

“he’s like Willy Wonka. every girl he takes is a candy bar.” no. nO.

“I mean, I would. Wouldn’t you?” no Will, Crawford’s a douchebag, not a murderous psychopath.

8 minutes in, me: WHERE’S THE TITLE CHARACTER THIS IS B O R I N G

“Why is it now a crime scene?” Because Will says so and he’s his own forensic team, apparently. Next question.

Also apparently he only owns red plaid-print shirts. Huh.

Lol Will has empathy for everyone but a grieving father confronted with his daughter’s dead body???

I don’t like the way Crawford is speaking to Will one bit. It’s supposed to be sensitive, but it comes off as condescending and mollycoddling. Ew. That is SO not Jack Crawford.

"You wrote the standard monograph on time of death by insect activity"?!?

so Will IS his own forensic team. Weird flex, but okay.

Antler velvet. Christ, HERE WE GO.

“You not real FBI?” Rip-off of Silence #2!

“You unstable?” Stop coming at Will, Jesus!

Will is a serial dognapper. SIX DOGS. Maybe, maybe, people in this neighborhood are missing their gd dogs, you monster.

none of them are even UGLY dogs

Will’s also drinking tho. One point for Gryffindor.

Oh, another plaid shirt. At least this one’s got a nice pattern. And isn’t red.

The bathroom is painted red, tho. What is it with Fuller and red walls?

Hugh Dancy’s American accent slips when he tries to like...emote. Yikes.

Strangulation is neither quick nor merciful.

A forensic specialist who wears her long-ass dark hair loose down her back and shoulders in the lab should be FIRED.

Implied “we covet what we see every day” scene: Silence Rip-Off #3

nineteen minutes in, me: W H E R E  I S  H A N N I B A L this is false marketing

Okay, I actually kind of like the “okay, I can cover him 80%” scene. Crawford’s real good at fucking up people’s lives in order to save lives.

twenty-one minutes in, me: HANNIBAL’S HERE THANK CHRIST

will probably regret this thought later

it’s okay, Hans. I, too, hate the career choices that have led me to this point.

the fact that he has tissues by HIS chair in his office is fuckin’ hilarious, what a douche, I love him

same, tho

The costumes and sets and cars are all screaming 70s/80s. But smartphones!

I’m watching this pretty late so my volume is a bit low and I cannot understand 70% of Hannibal’s dialogue, uh oh

Hannibal is supposed to be short so I don’t think this little “oh Crawford confused the short weepy patient with Hannibal” bit is that cute...I’ve always felt like Mads was poorly cast for that reason, among others. Oh well.

I take it all back:

HIS FACE

“No secretary?” “She was predisposed to romantic whims.” Not sure whether I like this line because Hannibal’s the one acting on whimsy or if it makes me cringe because of the way they’re dismissing Hannibal’s former secretary. Hmm.

“Are these yours, doctor?” a) Duh and b) Silence Rip-Off #4

Why the fuck does Crawford think he can just examine Hannibal’s papers? Like?????????

no wonder he hates your rude ass, Jack

HANNIBAL WHY IS WOUND MAN LYING ON YOUR DESK YOU PRECIOUS IDIOT

“Very interesting, even for a layman” Wow, unexpected Red Dragon rip-off (by the Red Dragon adaptation) #1

this whole scene is made of cringe HELP

why is Hannibal dressed in his Easter Sunday suit

Tattlecrimes.com. I’M SPEECHLESS at the stupidity of that.

tabloids are, in fact, still a thing in the Year of Our Lord 2013

No way is Hannibal fucking Lecter going to drink the swill that probably is Jack Crawford’s coffee, as if.

“Not fond of eye contact, are you?” Yes, Hannibal is the only character who should be canonically coming at anyone like this. (But also poor Will.)

But Will, at least look in his direction while he’s talking to you? I also don’t love eye contact...it’s rude not to even look at a person, though.

Hannibal finally used a contraction! He’s human after all. (This is a common Fanfic-Writing-of-Hannibal problem. I used to have it, too. You think to emulate him you have to write lofty, staid dialogue. But we’re talking about Hannibal the Punmaster General here.)

“This cannibal you have him getting to know” I’m sorry, who said anything about cannibals???

Stop incriminating yourself Hannibal honestly

Wait, is the implication that the victim whose lungs were taken is Hannibal’s? I hope not, because what would he be doing in Minnesota, and since when did Hannibal cut people up alive (Krendler notwithstanding--he’s a special case), especially women????? He’s a Monster(TM), but not a fucking sadist.

Will’s wardrobe also contains gingham!

no really, when did they determine that the serial killer was a cannibal?? did I sleep through that part?

“have Dr. Lecter draw up a psychological profile” bitch, please. Dr. Lecter doesn’t work for Crawford.

I don’t like hearing/watching people eat, especially in quiet moments. That’s going to become a problem in this show, isn’t it?

Will’s dream dear is fucking awful CGI. Wow.

That brown blazer--Hannibal would never.

EVERYTHING about Hannibal that should be black--his clothes and his hair--is brown here. It’s...weird.

to quote @random-emerald-thoughts​, “my homocidal boy aint about that tawny bullshit”

Hannibal Lecter: food snob--that’s canon. 

Don’t like this dialogue, though. And Hannibal bringing anyone he just met food in glorified Tupperware rings very false.

“Uncle Jack” what the fuck

Wow, Fuller jumped directly into the teacup thing right from the start. Yikes. He clearly didn’t understand it. (Clarice isn’t the teacup, bro. The teacup represents time, and disorder, and will it ever be reversed?)

Lots of weird metaphors in this episode overall, though none as bad as the Willy Wonka thing.

Why is Hannibal in Minnesota? Is he a crime-scene investigator now? Is he on the FBI payroll? Doesn’t he have patients with appointments to keep? Social obligations? I HAVE QUESTIONS.

He’s not a priss or a germaphobe. DISLIKE.

Do like the phone call. Just fuckin’ carelessly with people’s lives for the fun of it, that’s our Hannibal.

FBI? Are you FBI, Will?

He shouldn’t have been issued that sidearm if he can’t hold it steady.

One shot would have been plenty. Maybe two. Jfc, the reason Clarice shot Gumb so many times was because he was going to shoot her. Hobbs had a knife, which he dropped, and he was incapacitated by the first/second shot. Silence Rip-Off #5

How the fuck is he still alive and talking?! Will plugged him about eight times!

Call the police, Hannibal, or the ambulance, or take off your jacket and provide first aid to this girl. You’re a doctor!

It really is like he wants to be arrested or something.

And then he gets to ride in the ambulance?? Just Because?

Overall, it was...not very good, imo, poorly paced, very poorly written, with acting that jumped wildly from “very good” to “awful,” sometimes from the same actors. Intense cringe throughout a lot of the script. Ripped off Silence of the Lambs, a superior movie about many of the same characters, way too many times. Will is boring and I don’t care about him, but then I also don’t care about canon Will. And I still think Mads Mikkelsen was poorly cast as Hannibal...the costumes aren’t doing him any favors, either. We’ll see if he can bring me around.

Some moments of genuine humor that I appreciated, though, and some nods to the canon that I grudgingly appreciated, too, including Hannibal being a dick and Jack Crawford fucking up people’s lives.

Hopefully if you made it this far into my observations you got a kick out of them. I probably won’t go into this much detail for every episode, but I do intend to try to watch at least all of Season 1.

Painful as it might be.

#this is long you've been warned #and it's mostly snarky #but there are some concessions; I didn't hate EVERYTHING

[x5red]

Supergirl: Where to start reading her older comic series?

With the Melissa Beniost’s Supergirl show about to relaunch for its fourth season, it seems an apt time to revisit the oft asked question: Which of the old Supergirl comicbook series is the best starting point if you’re a fan of the show..?

It’s an interesting question. Many tv fans have some familiarity with Kara’s most recent comicbook adventures -- Sterling Gates, etc. -- but they harbour a desire to explore beyond the most immediate decade, into the murky misty depths of the classic Kara Zor-El and Matrix eras. But where to begin..?

Detailed below, for your rumination and delectation, are the four classic titular Supergirl series -- Supergirl Volumes 1 to 4 -- ranked by merit from best to worst, with particular regard to accessibility by the modern tv/comic audience.

So, without further ado, let’s begin...

1st - Supergirl Vol. 2, aka The Daring New Adventures of Supergirl: (Nov 1982 -- Sep 1984, 23 issues)

The bright micro-chip fuelled optimism of the early 1980s was the backdrop for Supergirl’s second eponymous title. Linda Danvers makes a new home as a mature student studying Psychology in Chicago, where she hopes she can find a balance between her superhero duties and her personal life. She immerses herself into student life, immediately acquiring a collection of enthusiastic friends and a hectic social calendar. It isn’t long, however, before criminal elements in the city require the attention of her alter ego, Supergirl.

Writer Paul Kupperberg gives us a Supergirl for the 1980s, clearly aimed at the more mature audience that was starting to dominate comicbook sales thanks to the direct market��of specialist stores. Kupperberg’s Linda Danvers is sassy, intelligent, confident, and witty, while her costumed alter ego is strong but compassionate. For the first time Kara Zor-El is allowed to have a proper boyfriend, and (shock!) actually go to bed with him. The story lines devote equal time to Kara’s heroic and everyday identities, surrounding her with a diverse cast of supporting characters.

The book’s adventures largely constrain themselves to Chicago, with a parade of monsters and supervillians showing up each issue to challenge the Girl of Steel, but there’s still plenty of variation between stories, and some particularly bold ideas towards the latter part of the series’ run.

Pros: Equal prominence is given to Linda Danvers and Supergirl, and the series is all the better for it. Giving Kara a life outside of her Supergirl antics rounds her character, a device used 30 years later by the tv show. Paul Kupperberg’s scripts are intelligent, imaginative, and not afraid to sometimes tackle tough subjects. Industry legend, Carmine Infantino, pencils almost every issue, and captures the 80s fashions well.

Cons: The comic’s witty and headstrong Linda Danvers is a radical departure from Benoist’s often goofy and adorkable portrayal, which may be off-putting to some tv fans.

Conclusion: This is a nice set of uncomplicated stories with a basic structure that has many parallels to the tv show (sans DEO.) Highly recommended.

2nd - Supergirl Vol. 4: (Sep 1996 -- May 2003, 81 issues + 2 annuals)

Peter (Allen) David, usually known in fan circles as PAD, took control of Supergirl after her misguided Matrix run, and immediately morphed the character into something more interesting. In an act of supreme selflessness, the Matrix Supergirl merges with satanic cult member, Linda Danvers, saving Linda’s life by becoming a hybrid made up of Linda’s memories and feelings coupled with Matrix’s protomatter shape-shifting superpowers. Such is the starting point for Supergirl’s fourth volume of adventures.

Early stories deal with Linda haphazard attempts to cope with her new status as superhero, but pretty quickly it becomes apparent that her transformation is part of a bigger tale involving battling satanic and angelic forces. The series mixes superhero action with occult and religious symbolism, playfully referencing Old Testament lore and even writing God in as a supporting character. PAD’s storytelling doesn’t shy away from examining matters of belief head on, with subplots examining how faith can be lost and restored, but also misguided and abused. Other themes include the ethics of free speech, and the power of unintended consequences.

After fifty issues the series was soft-rebooted, with Matrix being un-merged from Linda Danvers and captured by dark satanic forces, and 'God’ teaming Linda up with a reforming demon to help find and rescue her. A second reboot (#75, Dec 2002) saw a youthful Pre-Crisis Supergirl take an unplanned detour into the Post-Crisis universe during her trip from Argo City to Earth.

Overall the series holds to classic old-fashioned good-versus-evil storytelling, told with humour and quirkiness.

Pros: The series has a good balance of humour, drama, and superheroics. The main characters are well defined, often quirky, and immediately likeable, with a healthy mix of darkness and light in the main cast, which leads to some engaging interactions. The spiritual elements are mostly well handled, and never pander or proselytise.

Cons: The heavy use of lore and mythology, plus occasional course-altering soft reboots, make the main plot arcs more than a little convoluted. There’s not much variety in the types of story told: it’s angels versus demons pretty much every issue. The series was initially conceived in a world before 9/11, before The God Delusion, before Catholic priest scandals, before the overt linking of evangelical Christianity with neo-conservatism -- as such its benign treatment of organised religion may seem a little naive and dated to some.

Conclusion: Enthusiastically told and funny, although occasionally a bit of a slog, PAD’s fusing of superheroes and the celestial provides for novel storytelling.

3rd - Supergirl Vol. 1: (Nov 1972 -- Sep 1974, 10 issues)

The early 1970s were an era of student politics and campus sit-ins, so it’s no surprise that Supergirl’s first self-titled series is set in the heart of academia. Linda Danvers heads off to San Francisco to study Drama at Vandyne University, and gets involved in all manner of adventures typically involving college life and romance. Stories vary in style from issue to issue, sometimes spooky supernatural, sometimes B-movie sci-fi, sometimes inner city gang violence -- but there’s invariably a square-jawed hunk involved for Kara to swoon over and rescue.

The initial issue was edited by Dorothy Woolfolk, but issue two saw Robert Kanigher take up editing duties. In the 1950s Kanigher had transformed William Marston’s feminist Wonder Woman into a lovelorn heroine who spent much of her time fretting over Steve Trevor. But thankfully by the early 70s Supergirl’s inevitable romantic adventures are complimented by her exasperation at the male chauvinism all around her. Although affairs of the heart are prominent, the Maid of Might is always shown as being as tough as any male superhero -- this is girl power... just a version of girl power that happens to include lipstick and hot pants.

Pros: The stories are certainly fun, even if they lack depth or complexity. The artwork has a certain quaint charm, and the groovy mod fashions of the time add to the curiosity value.

Cons: There’s a lot of repetition: almost every issue has Linda Danvers falling for a different campus heartthrob, who ultimately requires the help of her super powered alter ego.

Conclusion: Very much of-its-time, innocent and fun, but the heady 1970s mix of pulp romance and cartoon feminism may be way too dated for some modern readers.

4th - Supergirl Vol. 3: (Feb 1994 -- May 1994, 4 issues)

When Supergirl was re-introduced after Crisis on Infinite Earths, she took the form of a shape-shifting protomatter blob named Matrix, originally from a pocket universe. The Lex Luthor of her home universe had been a hero, so when the innocent Matrix encounters the regular Lex Luthor (nemesis of Superman), her confused and child-like mind instinctively trusts him, and she becomes his female companion. Lex, of course, is only interested in learning the secret of his girlfriend’s protomatter powers.

This four part series finally, slowly, sees Matrix wake up to the fact that Lex Luthor has been using her. It’s a slow build towards the final chapter, that meanders through a lot of self-denial before it gets to its inevitable finale. The ending is clearly signposted from the start, but the plot does a decent job of stretching out the journey across four episodes.

Pros: The idea of the hero playing the role of so-called useful idiot is a novelty, as least within the annals of American comicbooks.

Cons: This is a lacklustre story which brings to an end one of the more regrettable periods in Supergirl’s history -- despite often displaying immense courage, the Matrix Supergirl became nothing more than a plaything for Lex Luthor, and a pawn in his game against Superman.

Conclusion: There’s apparently a giant pit out in a desert somewhere filled with unsold Atari E.T. game cartridges -- if we can find it, maybe we can add every issue of the Matrix Supergirl run(?) Avoid!!

#supergirl #supergirlcw #melissabenoist #comics #dc #kara zor-el #dc comics #matrix #silver age #bronze age

[recentanimenews]

INTERVIEW: Whilce Portacio on His Naruto Cover Art, Manga's Influence on American Comics

  VIZ Media recently revealed its original cover art for a new triple feature of Naruto movies, and it certainly sparked an immediate discussion. The artist behind the illustration is none other than comics legend Whilce Portacio, a Filipino-American artist and writer who has been a staple of the industry since his work on The Punisher. Portacio would go on to handle memorable runs on X-Factor and Uncanny X-Men — in which he debuted his and John Byrne's original creation Bishop — before co-founding Image and kicking off his series Wetworks in 1994 as part of Jim Lee's Wildstorm imprint.  

  Flash forward to 2020 and Portacio is dipping his toes into the world of Naruto, but just how long has that anime and manga influence been kicking around? We got a chance to talk with him about everything from the way this influence worked its way into American comics to his thoughts on Naruto as a character and, ultimately, the reaction to his Naruto cover illustration, so dive in below for some insight from one of the most interesting creators in the field. 

  Crunchyroll News: Have you been able to stay sane and busy during lockdown? 

  Whilce Portacio: Actually, you know, I don't know if you remember, but when the whole thing started there was this meme going around with some people that, you know, this is their life? That's basically a comic book artist's life. [Before all this] there were months where the only time I'd go outside would be to a convention. For me, seriously, though, the cool thing is having [my kids] stuck here with me and, you know, movie nights and long discussions and things like that.

  I've lived here in the US for 52 years, and growing up as a kid in the ‘60s and as a teenager in the ‘70s, one of the things I kind of miss from what we now call the modern world, is there was really not that much in the way of distractions. It was, you know, you got home from school at three o'clock, you ate your snack, you watched the one hour of cartoons, and then you were all kicked out of the house with the other kids, and you had to do something together. You just hung out; there wasn't anything in particular to do, it was just, “Hey, look there's a mountain, let's go see what's at the top of it.” But in that just hanging out with no structure or anything, you actually kind of found out who you were, and who everyone else around you was. 

  Yeah, it was the same with me growing up; there was just a lot of 'We're doing nothing today.' Not in a bad way, just, like, let's see what happens. 

  Right, and you know for creative people, I would believe almost all creatives who are "commercially successful" in the market today, they had a lot of that time where they were basically the fly on the wall and could witness and see people. In order to do a story that relates to people, you gotta create characters and situations that people can understand. Especially in a superhero world. How many people do you know who were affected by gamma rays or something? But if you know enough about how people really react to certain situations, then you can really weave a little of that in there and make it believable. 

  We've got some WIP images straight from Whilce Portacio to show how the image came together.

  You've had an amazing career in American comics, but what's your relationship with manga and anime?

  You know what's really interesting, is that when I was in the X-Office [Marvel’s HQ for creating all the various X-Men books], we were kind of lauded as trying out these different techniques, like, I don't know if you're familiar with the term "Akira lines," and that's obviously directly from Akira, and I think some of the first times we were playing with expressing a borderline of a panel differently also came from manga and stuff. 

  A lot of people don't know this, but apparently, there was a big fan in the X-Office who would work half the year in Japan and half the year in America — and I'm talking about the '80s, okay — and he would then bring back VHS dupes of anime. As you know, manga and anime didn't really become anything socially conscious in the US in the ‘80s, but here we were in the X-Office because of this one person, so a lot of the X artists and writers were the first to be exposed to Macross, to Fist of the North Star; there was also Lensman, and Lupin the 3rd, Miyazaki's one (Castle of Cagliostro). And a little bit after being exposed to those videotapes, we were able to get copies of the Appleseed manga. So a lot of the experimentation that was happening at that point of time in Japan was directly being absorbed into American comics.

  It's funny, I wonder how much of that bled into the early '90s, especially with the rebirth and explosion of Jim Lee's X-Men #1 with the gatefold cover and everything.

  Oh yeah, all of that. The cyberware and stuff like that, that was directly Appleseed. 

  One of the big things we did in Wildstorm — this was in San Diego — there was this big department store called Mitsuwa. It was a Japanese store which had a Japanese bookstore to the side of it. Every Tuesday, all the boys would zoom off over to Mitsuwa to gobble up all the new art books, and it wasn't just restricted to Japanese artists. They had a bunch of the European stuff that would be hard to find. We encouraged that, because they would then get that stuff and get inspired, and absorb different things and experiment with that, so that was a very conscious thing we did in those early days. 

  You can see that experimentation a lot in those panel borders. I was obsessed with Image in the '90s; how everything exploded out of the panels. It was splash page city.

  It's interesting, again, at the time we were only thinking about creative things in terms of being exposed to that stuff. Never, never, until later on — I'm talking up to four, five, six years later, when the convention circuit is huge and anime and manga is embedded in the social structure and stuff — it's interesting that we were being exposed and engaged by certain influences that you guys were going to react to later on. It was that perfect thing of everything converging without the different parts being culturally aware that it was happening. 

  Because it was going to be a commercial property image, which they might then do different things with, the whole image is done on multiple layers.

  Can you tell me a little bit about your work on the Naruto cover for VIZ Media? Were you specifically approached for the project, or did you pitch something?

  They got in contact with me, because there was going to be this DVD, and they wanted a cover done for it and wanted my take on it. I guess it was kind of like the thought of seeing two different aspects of the same styles. One thing you gotta understand about comics is the community is very, very tiny; at Image we were influenced by manga and anime, and then introduced to European artists like Moebius. Comics has always been kind of like a big tent thing; a lot of the cover artists were European painters. Alex Ross was a classically trained painter, and now you flash forward to the later years of styles that are very far from Image, which rely on the colorist and the linework is very sparse. Go back in time to the Moebiuses, the Wrightsons, the Bisleys. So, my point is comics has always involved interpretation. 

  Whenever I got onto a new book at Marvel, I was allowed to change the costumes, and the writer was allowed to explore different avenues. So at the end of Jim and I's run on X-Men, the editor had such confidence in us and the industry standards allowed for it that, you know, almost every other issue Jim and I came up with the storyline. And if you look at even individual characters that have lasted a long time, they've been reinterpreted and reinterpreted. And if you look at the Rolling Stones, they're still the Stones from day one to today, but they adjust to the new trends. They're open to the new trends, and that's how comics were.

  So when VIZ approached me for that, that was the mind frame. My son is the real Naruto fan, and VIZ then sent me a couple of the art books, some of the manga, and three DVDs. Watching the three DVDs, I then totally fell in love with the character of Naruto. But interestingly enough from a comic book standpoint, from a hero standpoint, I then really wanted to interpret it in my way. As I'm learning now — I come from this weird thing where I was exposed to anime and manga in the '80s, but now it's become its own social phenomena — I know nothing of the current social thinking of manga and anime today. So I approached it from the point of view that I've approached every other character I've had, and my interpretation of it.

  When I first was exposed to Naruto before I got this job, I got the impression that he was just this feisty little kid, and I imagined all the feisty little Japanese kids I grew up with in Hawaii. But then when watching the DVDs and really absorbing for the first time a lot of the stories, I realized why he works. When you talk about leaders; when you talk about Scott Summers from the original X-Men, or even when Storm came in, and any other leader out there, they all have this one commonality, and Naruto has it in spades. That stubbornness, when they notice something is wrong — when they notice something just doesn't feel right for them — Naruto has that stubbornness to just keep going at it and going at it until he finally gets it right. He can't stop doing that. 

  If you look back at my work in the X-Office, every time Scott, Jean, and Bobby moved to another book, I petitioned to go to that book, so I always followed the original team. I always had the original concept of Scott Summers — he's a born leader, he knows the right thing to do in a certain situation, he knows how to solve the problems … he just hates bossing people around. That's where he got his "wimp" moniker, but for me, it's always been that he was just too nice of a guy, but he was the perfect born leader. That's what Naruto is. I really love how there are other characters that are "prettier" than he is; there are other characters who are older or who seem more "ninja" and disciplined than he is, but Naruto's in the spotlight. Because he will not stop when something is wrong, when something is bad. And another brilliant thing I love about it is he has to be a kid. Well, he's not anymore, but to start that legend he has to be a kid. 

  If he were older in the beginning he probably would have given up a long time ago.

  Right. As a kid you don't have that yet, and he's fortunate in that he's able to be in those kinds of situations where he can stubbornly have an effect. 

  The team over here (at VIZ) in San Francisco … it's one of the best commercial experiences I've had. When you deal with going across the pond — we have our pipeline, they have their pipeline — so the creatives are trying to work out the differences and coming up with a pipeline that works for everybody. I just can't be thankful enough for the VIZ crew, Alexander and all of them … they were instant communication. When I get a client that's like, "Oh the dot is usually a little further from the other two dots," or "The hair is this way or that way," I just love that. That tells me as a creative person there's a real world here, and to be invited as a guest or visitor to play, that was really great.

  It was one of the smoothest jobs outside of comics I've ever had. 

  Each character is on a separate PhotoShop layer so they can move them all around if they need to.

  I don't know if you've noticed, but the Naruto illustration has kind of taken on a life of its own since it was revealed. It's even been covered on some of the anime blogs in Japan. Have you been surprised to see it spread like it has, or have you even noticed?

  Because of what the internet is today, you know, I try not to dive in too much. I dive in a little bit, because I need to be aware, but not too much. One thing you learn as a "professional creative," especially if you've been able to last a little while, is really to have thick skin. As an artist, you can only do what you can do, you can only follow your instincts, you can only do the best you can do. That's the biggest skill set that's non-creative that you have to learn. You're pouring yourself into this and you have to let it go and go out into the ether.

  I've been applauded for the X-Men. I've also been "raked over the coals" from "X-Fans," and you know, Image … I don't know if you know, but there has been a huge backlash against Image. VIZ actually informed me like two days ago that there was, over here, a little bit of a backlash, and I checked that out a little bit. As a person, of course, that hurts me a little bit. As a creative, you can only put your best foot forward. 

  I recently saw an interview with the creator, Masashi Kishimoto. They were asking him about creating the character and developing the style, and he went on at length about creating proper human proportions, and proper action because he wanted this to be clear, and how this went against some of the norms at the time. It's interesting, then, some of the negative comments I've read over here of, you know, "he looks too realistic." Again, on the personal side, it hurts anybody. Especially on the creative side, you want to be appreciated. But I try to look at it on the macro of, maybe these are ultra fans of these things, and maybe they don't want things to go beyond … when really all that's happening here is I've been given the chance to tip my hat to what a great character and IP this is. 

  So, I try not to, but it's hard. 

  The internet very much favors instant reactions now, there's a lot of that.

  You know, the remarks that really hurt — and you can understand it because it's one of society's main themes, the white-washing mantra thing — those are the ones that most personally hurt me. It was people saying I was helping whitewash Naruto. But I created Bishop. I was known in early comics circles for doing minority faces and stuff like that, and Naruto, truth be told, himself is not a traditional Asian-looking character. Here I was trying to, you know, do Naruto and make him look like he would actually fit, and really work, so I studied Eurasian faces and stuff like that. And I know a lot of Hapa people — I grew up in Hawaii, I think that's where the term originated — Hapa, you know, half Asian, half American or whatever. It's interesting because I'm trying to be true to this. 

  As an artist, you can only do what you know and follow your instincts, and to see those kinds of remarks, you know … 

    Are there any other manga or anime titles you'd like to put your own spin on if given the chance?

  Yeah! Just given my past, from being exposed to Miyazaki taking the Lupin character and doing that with him to, of all things, Fist of the North Star. He had that line 'omae wa mou shindeiru.'

  "You're already dead!" "You're already dead!"

  (laughs) What I'm talking about is, the creatives back then being able to take such a character and make something understandable about them. In all creative fields, if you're successful in my opinion, you're able to do that. 

  Flashing forward to now, and my son being a big fan of Naruto — and I remember buying all these things at conventions for him — and VIZ exposing me to the movies and the manga and the art from the creator, and then finding out that this is a character that I would normally love; the kind of character I've been working on. I don't ever get into this usually, but I'm of the feeling that you take any manga or anime character and expose me to them, and I'll totally get into it. 

  I should totally understand that, because when anime and manga were getting popular, you know a lot of people always try to put distinctions between things. The distinction back then was that superhero comics were just about the action, whereas in anime and manga, even if they were doing a superhero-ish character, it was never about the power, it was always about the character. The only fear I have is that everything is such an epic now! I spend too much time already on the internet … I kinda don't wanna …

  You don't want to start another big commitment.

  I mean, you tell me, with Naruto, how many hours of viewing is that going to be, start to finish? (laughs).

  You've got over 700 episodes to dig into!

  To answer your original question, when I was a kid in Hawaii in the '70s — I became Japanese because all my friends were Japanese — they had this Japanese channel there … and in the early '70s, that's where I became a Kamen Rider fan. 

  I love Kamen Rider. Living in Hawaii, were you familiar with Kikaida at all? 

  Oh, that was my favorite! 

  I would love to see your take on Kamen Rider, and Fist of the North Star, too, I'd love to see that illustration.

  Again, as much as I love American superheroes, it's kind of run the gamut of getting to the four walls of where it can go. I've been involved in so many of the IPs in that light. But manga and anime seem to go into other corners we don't really see. I remember when Neal Adams and Dennis O’Niel did Green Lantern/Green Arrow and did all that social commentary, that was a big, “Whoa, what are you guys doing?” But that's forever, from what I understand, been how it's handled in anime and manga.

  That was one of the biggest appeals early on when we were exposed to Akira. All this stuff [they explored], but they handled it in that cool universe. I guess it's just part of me growing older; wanting to have that playground but have it handle some of those more substantial issues. 

    I think we're in the last hours of the #SuitsForHeroes campaign, which is a great cause. Is there anything else you'd like to get the word out about or an upcoming project you're excited for?

  There is something I'd like to talk about, but … the pandemic has really destroyed schedules. You don't want to talk about something too early and have everyone forget. But I am actually working on something more personal, it's part and parcel to the campaign you mentioned. When I was two years old I came to the United States, and so 52 years later I've absorbed all this and I've done what I can here. The last 15 years I've been going back and forth to the Philippines and learning my language, one, and two, learning about my history, and three, more importantly, learning about my culture; learning about my people. 

  I have a lot of friends back there in the Philippines now, and whether they're rich people or whether they're professionals or whether they're poor people or poor relatives, it just amazes me that in a "poor country," everybody is putting their best foot forward in helping each other out. I have a lot of professional friends who, every time they have a meal, they make extra food for the security guard in their building, or for the poor kids the block over. All my chef friends are cooking meals for hospitals and frontliners every day. It's just really great seeing everybody care about each other, everybody being connected to each other. That's what then solidified in my brain what it means to be Filipino. 

  So right now I'm working on a project that will put down my thoughts on, you know, in my self-centered brain, on what the Philippines, what the Eastern world can teach the modern world about being connected to each other. But do that in a superhero/Kamen Rider type of world. Something that's easily understandable for all audiences, but then using that opportunity for when people come in that door because it's easy to get through, to show them that personal thing. I don't know exactly how we're going to come out and do it, because I'm trying to tackle it in my own way; my version of what the medium has to evolve into. The format itself.

  A lot of people don't know, but in the very beginning of Image, we wanted to do something different. We were going to give everyone the superhero comics that made us popular in the X-Office, but we wanted to give them something different, too, something modern, something new; a shiny object. And that was PhotoShop. I was part of that small team that figured out how to use PhotoShop. And so a part of this project and the way it's going to be produced and the way it eventually, maybe next year, finally gets put out there, is going to kind of be my dissertation on what the visual language of what a comic medium should be. 

  There are definitely some people who could use a lesson on togetherness.

  Putting it into the context of the pandemic — a world event, that all countries are going through — is that if you're in a society where you don't have many connections with other people. Where you, for decades, have only said, "Okay, I'm going to pick my friends because I can relate to them and they can relate to me," and even extend that to family members. Well, if you have a small ecosystem of friends, when a major thing happens, odds are that small ecosystem of friends might not be connected to anything that's happening to them. In today's parlance, you might not know any nurses or doctors or people in politics. 

  If you don't have those little windows because your world is so small, you get scared, right? Because you don't know and you have nobody to reassure you. But if you live in a society where you're all about extended family, where, growing up, your dad's best friend isn't part of the family but you call him uncle … or there's a conscious effort to keep your friends from grade school, high school, your first job, your third job, and stay connected with them. If your world now is so huge with all those connections, when a pandemic happens, you might know a nurse, or you might know somebody who knows a nurse, or whose dad is a nurse, or a doctor, or a scientist, or a politician. So you can be exposed to that information.

  So, you're still going to be scared, but you're going to be less scared, because you're getting information. 

    Let's say someone was looking at your Naruto piece, and it inspires them seeing something in this different style. Is there a message you have for any aspiring artists out there?

  If you look at any creative thing that's successful — movies, songs, stories, comics, manga, anime — the ones that are successful are the ones that are relatable. That's the reason why, you know, you have a story of a farm kid who's told that his dad and mom were killed, and he never met them. And then he goes out into the world, and he meets his dad — he finds out he's actually alive — and it turns out his dad is the most evil person in the whole universe. The reason why that's so impactful, it's because that's a real story that real people have gone through. No, their dad wasn't Darth Vader, but they found out that their dad wasn't a very good guy. 

  All of that comes from understanding what real people are really like; understanding what you're really like. That's why all creatives are always pushed to follow their instincts. What that really means is follow what you know. If you grew up as an orphan and abused by society, those are the stories you're going to do because those are the stories you understand. So, other people who understand that are going to instantly relate to that. 

  What I really mean is, as an artist, as anything in any medium, doing anything, you have to follow your instincts. You have to be pure to who you are. Especially when people like me get the opportunity to "give my take on things," it's my experience. It's true to me, it's true to how I really feel about things. And as I've discussed with you how I really feel in this specific case about Naruto; how I admire the character so much from different points of view. I can only do what I can do. So, that's what everybody has to do.

  Another case in point is Adventure Time. There's no way in the world that if those guys came to me and pitched Adventure Time, that me, this 50-something, would understand that story, and I probably would have rejected it, right? I would have been wrong! Because they were being true to what they know, what they feel, and there was a whole audience out there that understood that. The world needs to stay in that space of allowing creatives to do what their instincts tell them to do. It's going to take young artists just following their instincts, just putting their point of view on everything. 

  Especially in this day and age, where everything can get exposure, whether there's only 100 people who understand what you're talking about, or understand the look of your character … that's enough. Art is created to put your feelings out there and connect, and for an artist, that's the best thing. Even if it's only like two people, to connect with those two people and find that you're not the only one, you know? 

  We'd like to thank Whilce Portacio for taking the time to speak with us. Now, go read some comics and watch Naruto, folks!

  © 2002 MASASHI KISHIMOTO. All Rights Reserved

      Joseph Luster is the Games and Web editor at Otaku USA Magazine. You can read his webcomic, BIG DUMB FIGHTING IDIOTS at subhumanzoids. Follow him on Twitter @Moldilox. 

By: [email protected]

#Anime #News #Latest in Anime News by Crunchyroll!

[alexanderwrites]

Hack Job: Why Were Hacker Movies Ever A Thing?

Lately i’ve been thinking about that weird and almost completely failed subgenre of movie that attempted to light up the LCD screens of our hearts, but instead faded like a broken computer screen: the hacker film. Now, I could ask what good the sub-genre has ever done for us, but the answer to that is clear and just a few inches above this block of text. The genre birthed this iconic Matthew Lillard role from the movie Hackers, in which he plays a (wait for it!) hacker named...erm...Cereal Killer. Because....he likes Cereal? Sure, lets go with that! He’s a character described by June Diane Raphael on an episode of the podcast How Did This Get Made? as “Disgusting”, and she is not completely wrong. He is disgusting, bizarre and the strangest character Lillard has played, and i’m including Shaggy in the live action Scooby Doo films. He’s a character that must be experienced, and once experienced, never forgotten. I mean - you’ve seen what he fucking looks like. 

But my point remains: outside of Cereal Killer (I am bolding his name because he is an Important Man), the genre has offered up very little to the world. I admittedly know nothing at all about hacking, and I don’t care at all about Hacking, like, i’d presume, 90% of people currently residing here on earth. But I cannot imagine that people who love Hacking (or Hacker Fuckers, if you will) queuing up to see Hackers, a film that thinks this is what the internet looks like:

Now, i’m no city-slickin’ mouse-clickin’ hacker, but I don’t think that’s what the internet looks like. I could be wrong, and character actor Fisher Stevens (I was about to write “beloved” character actor, but then I remembered Short Circuit) could be skating through a flashing pillar of internet right now. It’s a cool thought! Hackers came along in 1995, when future optimism was higher than it had been in years, as everyone believed the tech-bubble would never burst (spoiler alert: it did!) and that the new millennium would bring a world of positive changes and possibilities. The poor, innocent souls of 1995 could never have possibly imagined the true horrors waiting for them on the other side of the millennium...

But before Fred Durst became a thing in a hat that you had to look at, technology was booming, affordable and exciting. You got transparent Macs that allowed you to see through into the mechanical nonsense inside it. The new fangled e-mail gave us (I don’t know why i’m saying “us”. I was 3 years old in 1995. Babies don’t get emails) all the opportunity to open your email and then close it again as many times as you liked! So this is what producers saw when they started making movies like Hackers. They put their strongest marketing minds together and came up with “People got computers now. Make comPUTER FILM!”. Those wild bastards actually went and did it! And weirdly, Hackers was kinda ahead of its time. It might’ve been wildly inaccurate in almost every possible way, but it paved the way for a wave of (well, like 3) films. The Matrix wouldn’t be released for another 4 years, and Swordfish a further 2. If it did incite a trend, it was the only trend started by Director Iain Softley, his later film K-Pax tragically failing to kick start a new genre of films in which Kevin Spacey eats bananas with their skins still on.

Good stuff! Hackers does feel like a film that is unsure of whether it’s trying to replicate fads or start them off. I mean, characters rollerblade everywhere for no apparent reason in the film. That might be something Hackers do? I’ve never seen Mr Robot, so I cannot categorically say that Rami Malek doesn’t rollerblade his way around town like a Starlight Express extra who really hates computers. But I doubt it. So with the rollerblading, and the way....ugh...Cereal Killer dresses, it seems like the film is offering you up its own funky ideas that you could follow on from if you want to get murdered on the streets. Did its aesthetic style have influence? Was the game Jet Set Radio from 2000 and its rollerblading theme influenced at all by Hackers? Did Eminem see Johnny Lee Miller’s bleached blonde hair in the film (quick deeply important side note: his character is named Dade. DADE.) and think “huh. that would really compliment my insufferable personality!”? We’ll never know. The film is a weird exercise in style and trends, and the soundtrack, crammed with The Prodidgy and Underworld, is proof that at least the soundtrack department had its finger on the pulse. And, it could be argued that the film’s costume department at least came up with some creative cyber-punk clothing, and were bold enough to make Penn Jillette look like this:

The thing is, I liked the weirdness of it all, I like this misfires in capturing modern life, and inaccuracy doesn’t bother me really if a film is fun enough. I’m not a stickler for realism. I didn’t sit down to Face/Off and complain that it’s totally unbelievable that John Travolta is a human person. That’s not the issue. The issue, really is that with all the giant screen Playstations, pounding trance tracks and references to Coca Cola (weird, I thought Mountain Dew would be the Hacker’s choice), the film is in troubled water because of the fact that Hacking is unbelievably, deeply fucking boring. It is not interesting in seeing someone go clickety clack on a keyboard and make occasional faces to indicate that “oh no! the mainframe is busting my chops!” or “Huzzah! I clicked the mouse really fast just now!”.

Thankfully, the film has some fairly decent editing which intersperses the clickety-clacking with some long exposure, sped up shots of New York City just in case you forgot it was the 90′s. The fact that they need to cut away to exciting, zooming shots that have nothing to do with anything highlights the fact that the Director and Editor knew exactly what i’m talking about: HACKING IS FUCKING BORING (if you’re a hacker reading this, please don’t hack me). And they’ve built an entire film around it! A whole nonsensical plot which involves (as far as i can remember) big ships and evil corporations that want to sink the big ships is built on Hacking. Thank god this film is so wildly ridiculous, which keeps it from being entirely boring. It’s smart in that it knows to not make the film actually about hacking, but then you kind of ask yourself the question: why is this film about Hacking at all? Why is it called Hackers? Maybe a better name would’ve been ‘Bladin’ Teenz’, as an ode to their endless rollerblading. It’s a fun film, but a dumb film and proof that films entirely about hacking cannot really work.

The Matrix was a wise film. Exploiting that hip, late-90s techno excitement that everyone was buzzing over, it featured a hacker at its centre who really doesn’t do much hacking at all. In fact, Morpheus might as well have said “You Hack? Dude fucking grow up. Come on, i’ll make you a treat”. Sure, you’ve got the iconic green gibberish that turns up on the computers and would inspire a million shitty screensavers, but again the hacking is intercut with other action going on in the film. You have characters typing away and yelling shit like “I’m nearly in!” or “i’m not nearly in!” or “I am unsure of whether I am, in fact, in, nearly in, or not nearly in!”. But that is manageable and minimal, and in the end there’s so much more to remember about The Matrix that I don’t think anyone, when asked what it’s about, would say “Oh it’s about Keanu Reeves hacking on his dell”. It understood this caveat, and created its own style which would influence every single music video ever produced over the next 5 years.

These are screenshots from the video for Don’t Wanna Let You Go by 5ive, a very bad UK Boy-band that had 4 singers and 1 rapper, all of whom it’s safe to assume have passed away. 

The Matrix had the style, and the smarts to sidestep bland hacking scenes. You know what film doesn’t understand that hacking is boring? Fucking Swordfish.

Fucking Swordfish. A film so aesthetically ugly and repulsive in every way that it does the unthinkable and makes you hate Hugh Jackman. But it commits the biggest sin of all by giving John Travolta a teeny tiny beard - a decision which we still feel the fallout from today, whenever a new red carpet photo arrises of John’s new chin abomination. 

Looking like a cup of concentrated Michael Bay piss, the film leans heavily into stylishness - or lack thereof. Hugh Jackman is basically...sigh...DADE in the movie, and Travolta is regularly outfitted with funny sunglasses. It borrows a lot from Hackers, but while that had a naive, 1995 goofy charm, Swordfish is an aggressively stupid and oblivious movie, that gives us a LOT of Hacking. Like...so much Hacking. The Most Hacking. Oh, The Fucking Hacking. Its a reminder of just how boring Hackers or The Matrix could’ve been if they’d fallen into the wrong hands, and a big, horribly colour-corrected reminder that films about hacking really aren’t the best. Instead of cutaways of cityscapes, Swordfish tries to build the tension during one hacking scene in the grossest way possible: by having Hugh Jackman’s character receive forced fellatio while he works, and while John Travolta smiles. It doesn’t make a boring scene exciting, it makes a boring scene fucking disgusting (the movie’s grossness doesn’t stop there. Halle Berry was heavily pushed into taking her top off in the movie, and promised extra money if she did it.). The Hackers method of randomised cutaways feels a million miles away during these scenes, and you will be willing to pay any earthly sum to make the scene unfolding in front of you stop. Maybe that’s how hackers should make their money from here on in: stop hacking, and just start blackmailing people by forcing them to watch Swordfish. Fucking Swordfish.

The movie was also a bit of a death knell for a subgenre that never really took off. People realised “Oh, this is dull and crap to watch!” when it came to hacking, and technology moved on rapidly that there was a lot more to do with it than watch some guy slapping the keys of his iMac. I find it a really interesting subgenre to look back at, because i’m a huge fan of outdated technologies, fashion styles, turn of the millennium culture, and really quite poor films (besides The Matrix which holds up nicely). Hollywood has tried to make a manner of subjects interesting. Stock markets. Fishing. White people who buy zoos. Some work, some don’t, and it’s all about the way the subject is handled. Because of their reliance on technology, these hacking films feel so dated that maybe Hollywood doesn’t want to risk dipping its toes back into the cyberwaters again. I kind of hope they don’t, because I would literally rather never see a film again than have to even know that a film about Anonymous is being made. I don’t want an ‘edgy’ modern movie that’s made for Banksy to watch while he plunges his hands down his pants and goes to town. I want silly old Cereal Killer and towers of nonsense computer language dammit! I want rollerblading, coke-drinking cyberpunks! Oh well. Whatever happens to the genre, at the very least, we’ll always have Dade and The Gang....

#hackers #johnny lee miller #matthew lillard #the matrix #swordfish #technology #film trends #film

[cavalorn]

Why eggs and bunnies aren’t ‘pagan symbols’ (long, pedantic, dull, sorry)

Today's topic is something that's haunted the Eostre debate for years, dragging in such luminaries as Eddie Izzard and Bill Hicks, and it is this: aren't eggs and bunnies obviously pagan symbols of fertility, though? In my experience, you can cite sources and quote Bede and quote Grimm and quote Hutton and point out the limits of what's known until you are blue in the face and still you will hear the retort 'yeah well that's all very interesting, Cav, but at the end of the day, eggs and bunnies are obviously pagan fertility symbols, aren't they? I mean it just makes sense. Fertility, innit?' Okay, let's break it down. First, let's look at the evidence.

Do we have any historical evidence that eggs or bunnies were used as symbols of Easter fertility by European pagans?

NO.

There is precisely jack shit direct evidence that either the Anglo-Saxons who gave us the word 'Easter' or any other European pagans used eggs or bunnies as symbols of fertility, or indeed as symbols of anything.

There is a widespread assumption that they did so, but it is not based on evidence.

So where has the extremely widespread belief that eggs and bunnies were pre-existing pagan symbols come from?

In general terms, it has come from people following these steps in their thought:

1. It's an long-established tradition

2. It's not obviously Christian

3. Therefore it must have been pagan

4. Therefore the Christians must have stolen it.

In specific terms, the speculative association of the Osterhase or Easter Hare with the pagan goddess Eostre begins with the folklorist Adolf Holzmann in his Deutsche Mythologie (1874) while the speculative association of Easter eggs with pre-Christian pagan rites begins with the folklorist and linguist Jakob Grimm in his Deutsche Mythologie (1835). Yes, they are two different books with the same title.

So how long-established are the egg and bunny traditions of Easter?

We can't say for sure. The Easter Hare is first mentioned in 1682. Easter eggs, in the sense of eggs decorated and/or eaten as part of a Christian celebration of Easter, are first mentioned in 1610. Textual sources from the 17th Century trace their origin to the early Christians of Mesopotamia.

Are there Christian explanations for the egg and bunny traditions that people have overlooked?

Yes. The Osterhase or Easter Hare was a bit of a Santa figure in that he rewarded children for being good little Christians. It's also worth noting that hares were used to symbolise chastity rather than fecundity.

So far as the egg goes, as well as the Mesopotamian custom of dyeing eggs to represent the blood of Christ, we have to consider the role of eggs as a foodstuff that was banned during Lent: 'In the medieval era eggs were considered to be dairy products (they were derived from animals without causing harm or the spilling of blood) so they were banned for Lent. This gave them a tinge of luxury when the 40 days of fasting was over... people were eager to eat them again.' (Historian Greg Jenner.)

But weren't pagans all about Symbolism?

Well, no.

Here's what actually went down. Back in Victorian times and for a good while thereafter, a bunch of learned gentlemen were very eager to show off how learned they were. They got it into their heads that the ancient world, including that of their own European forebears, was just awash with Symbols. Tomb walls, monuments, artefacts, ritual costumes... so many juicy, enigmatic Symbols there for the interpreting. And being both learned and male, they decided that it was they who were going to do the interpreting.

There's a lot to say about colonial attitudes here, in which the pompous white western academics have an Educated Overview which the mere common folk who actually perform the traditions do not. But that can wait.

To the Victorian folklorists, the appeal of 'symbols' was that you could take the remnants of former civilisations and read whatever narrative you liked into them. This went double when it came to treating folk customs as the remnants of former ritual practices. Nobody was going to tell you you were wrong, after all; the ancients weren't around to correct you and the commoners weren't educated like you were. Some of your fellow academics might have variant theories, but that just made for a good back-and-forth in the journals and a respectable debate or two at the club.

So the belief that eggs and bunnies are 'pagan fertility symbols' is modern.

Yes.

What people are actually saying when they claim 'eggs and rabbits were obvious pagan fertility symbols' is 'eggs and rabbits remind us of reproduction, and those pagans were all about Fertility weren't they, so they must have been fertility symbols'. Remember, if you're going to claim that a naturally occurring phenomenon is a 'symbol', you have to show evidence of its USE as a symbol in a particular context, as verified by participants in the culture in question. In itself, an egg is just an egg. So, 'bats are used in Chinese art to symbolise good luck' is a coherent & potentially verifiable statement. 'Eggs are pagan symbols of fertility' isn't. As mentioned above, the problem we so often face is that learned men have, for years, decided that they are more equipped to decipher the 'symbolism' of various folk traditions than are the people who actually practice those traditions. We are thus confronted with a horrendous backlog of prescriptive analyses of alleged 'symbolism' which, on being investigated, inevitably prove to be the pet theories of some folklorist or other of the last century. Ron Hutton is particularly brilliant in his acid condemnation of these people: '...it was assumed that the people who actually held the beliefs and practiced the customs would long have forgotten their original, 'real' significance, which could only be reconstructed by scholars. The latter therefore paid very little attention to the social context in which the ideas and actions concerned had actually been carried on during their recent history, when they were best recorded. Many collectors and commentators managed to combine a powerful affection for the countryside and rural life with a crushing condescension towards the ordinary people who carried on that life.'

Eggs and Bunnies in modern media When people refer to 'the eggs and bunnies' of Easter, they don't generally specify which artistic or other cultural context they're referring to in which said eggs and bunnies appear.

So what is that modern context? Well, long before chocolate Easter egg packaging and cartoons were a thing, greeting cards played a big part in popularising imagery. Easter postcards are believed to have originated in 1898 or thereabouts and employed the familiar motifs of yellow chicks, eggs and anthropomorphised rabbits. (They also featured cherubic children, lambs, little gnomes, fairies climbing out of eggshells, and a host of other peculiar images such as a child driving an egg-shaped chariot.) So we have a rich visual heritage of modern Easter imagery that involves eggs and bunnies. This explains why we associate those images with Easter. We've been drowning in this iconography since childhood. It's worth noting here that the greetings card industry thrives on cuteness. Fluffy chicks are cute. Fuzzy bunnies are cute. Foxes were not seen as cute. This may be part of the reason why the other egg-bringers of Easter, such as the Osterfuchs or Easter Fox, are all but unknown now. The Easter Fox, the Easter Stork and the Easter Cuckoo are all recorded egg-bringers in various parts of Germany, but the bunny has long since eclipsed them all. I believe we can blame the greetings card industry for the bunny's usurpation of the Easter Hare, too: it was the Osterhase, the Easter Hare, that was the egg-bringer in the earliest recorded mention of an Easter Egg-bringing animal (in De Ovis Paschalibus). Rabbits are cuddly, whereas hares are staring-eyed and a bit mad. So what did eggs and bunnies symbolise to the people who printed and sold the Easter greetings cards? I think we can safely conclude that they symbolised market appeal, while selectively tapping into familiar pre-existent traditions. Turning to the actual tradition of a hare bringing eggs, it's difficult to see how the hare can 'symbolise' anything, because it's not being employed in a context in which a symbolic subtext could meaningfully apply. In England, we have a legend that the Devil spits (or pisses, depending on who you ask) on the blackberries in the hedgerows on October the somethingth, so we shouldn't eat them after this date. The practical purpose of this tongue-in-cheek legend is to prevent us (and our kids) from eating blackberries after a frost. The Devil doesn't 'symbolise' anything. The functional purpose of the Easter Hare is readily apparent: he allows parents to prepare a tasty, colourful treat for children while pretending that they were not responsible. In this respect he is exactly like the Tooth Fairy or Father Christmas. Nobody wastes their breath arguing what the Tooth Fairy may 'symbolise'. We just understand. Let's remember, too, that Adolf Holzmann considered the Easter Hare tradition 'unintelligible'. The best he could do was to speculate that the hare might have been the 'sacred animal' of his speculative Goddess. So when the German folklorist who first tied the bunny to the Goddess has nothing more solid to say than that, maybe the rest of us should be hesitant about slapping it with the 'pagan fertility symbol' label. Easter Imagery Before The Greetings Card Era We cannot say whether rabbits, eggs or hares were used to symbolise anything in pre-Christian Anglo-Saxon sacred art, because there aren't any known examples of such a use, symbolic or otherwise (to the best of my knowledge & research). It is therefore seriously pushing it to claim any of these things were 'pagan symbols'. The claim is made not by reference to Anglo-Saxon religion itself, nor to documentary or archaeological evidence thereof, but by reference to activities in an entirely Christian context that were first documented many centuries after Christianization and are imaginatively supposed to be dim and distant echoes of a forgotten pagan past. Such an interpretation, long after the fact, is exactly the kind of learned speculation-from-without that Hutton condemns above. There is a tradition of rabbits and hares being used in a symbolic manner in Christian art. Wikipedia is pretty good on the subject. Strikingly, we find that rabbits and hares were employed as symbols of virginity as well as symbols of fertility or lust. This should act as a warning against any simplistic, generically 'pagan' interpretation of perpetuated images. The Problem With Eggs It is often pointed out that the decorated eggs from the Zoroastrian New Year celebration of Nowruz 'represent fertility'; indeed, Nowruz is inevitably referred to in discussions of Easter's alleged pagan roots, as if one non-Christian spring festival somehow set the template for all others to follow, regardless of cultural, temporal or geographic distance. The symbolism does not appear to be universal; other descriptions of Nowruz eggs hold them to represent creativity and productivity. Decorated eggs are only one optional element of a Haft-Seen and do not form one of the seven S-items. In Easter greetings card art eggs are frequently depicted as freshly hatched, with unrealistically fluffy chicks peeping out. This calls our attention to a singular problem with the notion that eggs represent 'fertility'. It is impossible to tell by looking whether a given egg is fertile or not. In fact, the eggs that are typically eaten are NOT fertile, for a very good reason. Unless you are deliberately trying to breed chickens, you don't let the cockerel fertilise the hens' eggs. Fertile eggs run the risk of containing developing chicken embryos, which (at least in western Europe) isn't something you want to run into. (There are issues about whether fertile eggs are kosher, recalling the inarguable and evident influence of Passover upon the Christian Easter.) So unless you show an egg in the act of hatching or shortly after, there's no way to demonstrate that what you're showing is a fertile egg. The typical symbolism accorded to Easter eggs is that they do not celebrate 'fertility' but rather new life, a subtly different concept. 'Fertility' has (entirely non-coincidental) steamy associations, smacking as it does of Summerisle-esque pagans frolicking naked under the full moon, whereas 'new life' puts one in mind of lambs and fluffy yellow chicks. If we look at what our modern heritage of Easter iconography really depicts, it's not fertility, which is merely the passive potential to produce life. It's the actuality of new life. Little lambs, hatching chicks: spring's busting out all over. Lambs and chicks, by the way, provide a very useful thought experiment. Why is it that people always mention 'eggs and bunnies' as 'pagan fertility symbols' but never mention the other, equally common symbols of Easter, namely fluffy yellow chicks and white lambs? The obvious answer is that fluffy yellow chicks and white lambs do not make us think of pagan fertility rites. They're too innocuous, too cute. They don't put us in mind of sex. So to harp on about 'eggs and bunnies' and ignore the other, incompatible imagery is disingenuous, focusing selectively on only those Easter images that pander to our preconceptions of pagans. Next time you hear the 'eggs and bunnies' argument trotted out, try saying 'So fluffy chicks and white lambs make you think of sex, do they?' while stroking your chin thoughtfully. You may see some surprising results. So What Is A 'Pagan Symbol' Anyway? Glad you asked. 'Pagan' is bloody useless as a cultural signifier, because it's exclusive, not descriptive. It describes what something is NOT, not what it was. It's like claiming something was a 'barbaric symbol' or a 'gentile symbol'. Which specific pre-Christian faith do we mean when we say 'pagan'? Norse? Celtic? Saxon? Greek? And which time period are we talking about? Neolithic? Bronze age? Early mediaeval? The moment we begin to speak of 'pagan symbols' we inevitably invoke the Pagan Sausage Machine Fallacy, i.e. the delusional belief that there was such a thing as a common 'pagan' identity in which the various pre-Christian faiths shared, and that there are fundamental factors common to them all. 'Pagan symbolism' means thinking of 'pagan' as a mindset; a naive, scary but oddly appealing, fertility-obsessed, nature-worshipping, openly and frankly sexual way of seeing the world. If this seems familiar, it's because the Victorians created it (and dreaded it) while the neopagan movement embraced it and tried to identify with it. It may be compelling, particularly when it's used as a stick to beat Christianity with, but it's not real. It's nothing but the exaggerated, idealised contrary to urbanised humanity; what we needed our ancestors to represent back then, rather than who they actually were. Yeah But Fertility Though The same woolly-minded thinking that tends to cludge all diverse pre-Christian beliefs into 'paganism' also tends to posit 'fertility' as one of the pagans' prime concerns. This is because such an image was the very antithesis of the modern post-industrial society that produced Frazer et al. To the Victorian and post-Victorian folklorists, the bestial primitivism of the 'pagans' produced a sort of horrified fascination. They spoke of 'fertility rites' as a sanitised way of discussing the phallicism and ritualised sexual behaviour that they believed was going on. In Margaret Murray's case, the belief in an underground pagan 'fertility cult' ran so deep that she attempted to connect it with historical accounts of witchcraft. This in turn led to Gardner's creation of Wicca, which was nothing more than an attempt to make Murray's theory into reality. Murray's work has of course been long debunked, but the intrusion of flawed theory into real-world practice helps to perpetuate the misconceptions; self-indentified pagans are now asserting that 'their' traditions really do reflect an ancient preoccupation with fertility, now construed as healthy and natural, in the face of censorious Christian prudery. 'Fertility' is such a darkly evocative term, isn't it? This is especially true when it is used in the context of pagan religion. Whose fertility is being implied? The fertility of the land? Of the beasts? Or of the people? Or, most likely, some generic boundary-crossing 'fertility' in which land, beasts and people are blent together in a piquant, sweaty, atavistic fug. To speak of 'pagan fertility symbols', then, is to perpetuate an ignorant and condescending view of the past that said a lot more about the respectable scholars who created it than it does about the people we seek to understand. It's illuminating to look at the frequency with which the term 'fertility symbol' occurs in published works over the last couple of centuries. As you can see, a phrase (and concept) we take completely for granted has only come to prominence very recently. The pagan Anglo-Saxon culture that gave us the word 'Easter' (from Eosturmanoth, as Bede attests) has one known 'fertility symbol' of which I am personally aware, and that is a cake. Cakes were placed into ploughed, barren fields in order to restore fertility to them; see the Acerbot, a (barely) Christianised ritual. What you will not find are eggs and rabbits.

#eostre #ostara #easter #pagan #eggs #bunnies #symbolism #long ass posts that are probably too long for tumblr

[tokupedia]

Kamen Rider 45th Anniversary File: Dragon Knight

(Dive into the Mirror by defspiral, the original song opening created for the Japanese dub of a 2009 American adaptation to a 2002 Japanese show. Surreal just sayin’ that ain’t it?)

2009 in the USA

The Great Recession was “ending”....but its effects would linger on for several years.

Power Rangers was off the air at the end of RPM and a minor actor on the Mighty Morphin’ season was put on death row for murdering a couple with his wife as an accomplice.

Way back in 2006, producer Aki Komine was given permission by Toei to license a Kamen Rider Series for international distribution. Aki then chose SFX costume designer and filmmaker Steve Wang of live action Guyver movie duology fame, his brother Micheal Wang and a film crew to create a TV pilot of an adaptation to Kamen Rider Ryuki. This was later leaked online for KR fans around the world to see before being taken down in 2008. The general idea Aki, the Wang brothers and later a company called Adness Entertainment had was that Kamen Rider had potential to work in the US market as an action show.

Adness, unlike Saban, knew what Kamen Rider was and did not try to cheapen it to ride the coat tails of something that was a success in its own right or talk down to its audience. Kamen Rider just needed a minor bit of tweaking to account for the differences in cultures, but not so much that would make the source material unrecognizable or diminish its entertainment value. The target demographic after all was, like its Japan original, for pre-teens and teens but with enough of an entertainment factor for an adult audience to appreciate.

One thing was made clear by Aki to Toei: Don’t call it Masked Rider for international release, just call it Kamen Rider. This was done as Aki thought Masked Rider sounded “weird” and Toei wanting to distance themselves from Saban’s attempt to cash in on the beloved series.

Yes, Masked Rider is so awful to the fans of KR that even Japan, the land that created Kamen Rider, wants nothing to be associated with it. (Also, Masked Rider as a super hero name is/was trademarked by Marvel in the US).

The studio shopped around for networks and eventually got 4Kids to pick it up in late 2008. But, since the company was run by people who had an issue with anything that had what they deemed to be excessive violence in it, the Network later did whatever it could to sabotage the show’s airing schedule and tried to interfere with the production. This ultimately backfired on them in a karmic way after Dragon Knight ended, but more on that later.

Dragon Knight is notable for being the first and only Kamen Rider show to ever  receive an Emmy award. The Daytime Emmy Award was for Outstanding Stunt Coordination, a relatively new category for the Emmys at the time. The award was given to the show’s coordinator Dorenda Moore, who aside from this series would later go on to work on Thor as the stunt double for Natalie Portman. 

The award was well deserved, as the fight scenes are fantastic and truly reflect what the action of tokusatsu should be with stylized kung-fu martial arts. Helping this was the choice of 5 time martial arts champ Matt Mullins being chosen to play the secondary Rider Wing Knight.

The series also gets praise by the fandom for doing what no Kamen Rider show had ever dared to do at this point: Let a Female Rider actually...*gasp*.. LIVE?! And not only that, we got a female supporting cast character donning the persona of a Rider when the first is defeated and put in the Shadow Realm-y Place of Non-Deadness. While some call it a cop out, this is the one time the ineptness of 4Kids on the subject of death worked in its favor by the USA having 1 LIVING female Kamen Rider in the form of two heroines taking turns donning a single Rider belt trounce Toei Japan’s then count of 0 living female Riders. (Natsumi Hikari as Kiva-la wasn’t created yet). I refuse to see it in any other way than a blessing and in typical egotistic patriot fashion my countrymen are often stereotyped with, we more or less showed Japan female Riders can be in a show and kick butt. USA USA USA USA!

When Heisei Kamen Rider celebrated its 10 Riders anniversary, the show was brought over to Japan for broadcast and dubbed by many actors who were members of the cast of the Heisei part of the franchise. (Including Kenji Matsuda who played Wing Knight’s Japanese counterpart Kamen Rider Knight basically playing himself as an American XD). The show proved to be popular enough in Japan that the series got a sequel novel.

But sadly, America did not share the love, as changes in time slots and eventual removal of the show meant some fans didn’t get to witness it at all or only up to a certain point as the final episode only aired in Mexico and on 4Kids subpar online service, which went offline two years later and then died completely under the Saban Vortexx brand in 2014 along with the block.

To top it all off, this series is one of those “Never on DVD/Blu-Ray ever” shows in the USA, meaning torrents and streams or a cheap foreign legit or bootleg DVD copy are a fan’s only options. Which is ironic considering releasing the show consistently here would have prevented such a thing.

But KR fans and people who disliked 4Kids poor treatment of their favorite shows got the last laugh. The CW4Kids block died in 2009 and 4Kids went nearly kaput in 2012 as it filed for bankruptcy after a lawsuit and then went bankrupt again in 2016. The company’s main branch is struggling to stay afloat and only has a cash flow of $3.33 million which is in the negative based on reports a few years ago and only 16 employees are currently working there. (SO for 3.3 Million you could buy 4Licencing!) So, yeah, quite the fall form grace by the studio that once licensed and dubbed the Pokemon anime. (though given the One Piece rap and Dragon Knight’s treatment, I’d say it was well deserved karma.)

But enough talk, let’s Dive into the Mirror of Adaptation!

(Mr. Taylor Circa 2009)

Real Name: Kit Taylor (No relation to Jack Taylor, a person known for great parties. *MST3K joke*)

Kit Taylor is an orphaned teen who was framed a lot for being a thief and lived in a foster home. He went searching for his father after he turned 18 and came upon a strange looking card deck on a table in the old apartment he spent his earlier years in with his dad. The deck attracts a giant red dragon (wow, deja vu), who tries to attack him. He then witnesses a monster from a reflection try to eat someone and a strange man comes to her rescue who dons a suit of armor to fight the beast. Kit learns the man’s name is Len, who demands Kit hand over his “Advent Deck” and to not form a contract with the dragon he just saw. Kit gets visions of his father telling him to form a contract with the dragon and he does becoming Kamen Rider Dragon Knight!.

The Kamen Riders are warriors of the dimension of Ventara, a reflective mirror world like ours. An evil named General Xaviax has stolen some of the Advent Decks of the heroes of Ventara after defeating them and is seen giving them to evil or easily manipulated humans to kill Len and manipulate Kit into serving him.

After some duels with other Kamen Riders, resolving misunderstandings to forge new alliances and a stock plot about evil twins, the heroic 13 riders defeat Xaviax and both worlds are saved. Kit continues to use his powers as a superhero to help others alongside Len and a female Rider while the other human riders have their memories erased.

Powers and Gear:

Same as Ryuki’s but he also has an energy shield during transformation and a cool unnamed Rider Machine bike.

Enemies: 

Xaviax and the Mirror Monsters

http://kamenrider.wikia.com/wiki/Xaviax

Xaviax is a scheming conqueror who has placed Ventara under his rule and now seeks to abduct all humans on the Earth as his slaves to rebuild his homeworld of Karsh.

Mirror Monsters function the same as their Ryuki counterparts, only this time they are artificially made soldiers for Xaviax’s army who kidnap humans to mass collect DNA to prefect a long range teleporter to Karsh to abduct all 7 billion humans on Earth and enslave them.

Afterward

Adness tried to make a movie out of Dragon Knight and adapt another Kamen Rider series...but the company could not do it and have gone uncharacteristically quiet, leading some to believe that Adness went bankrupt during the recession. The company did still exist in 2016 (sort of), trying to cash in on Gangam Style by investing in K-Pop....apparently that didn’t work as the official site has gone eerily quiet and the Japan office site has not been updated in 2 years. So either the company is laying dormant or is totally dead. It is as far as we know, a Schrodinger media corporation.

Due to the FCC regulations, angry parents and the rise of internet streaming and cable TV networks not being strict on censorship opening new avenues for creators, Saturday morning kids TV no longer exists as of 2014. But given the modern tech we have, fans can create their own Saturday morning lineups, so if you feel nostalgic for some henshin action by way of adaptation, seek out Dragon Knight.

Matt Mullins and Stephen Lunsford say: “HENSHIN!” at Power Morphicon in 2010.

#kamen rider #45th anniversary #kamen rider dragon knight #america #tokusatsu #adaptation #kamen rider ryuki #adness #steve wang #saturday morning #cw4kids #henshin #2009

[mylinlondon]

Finding New Selves in Budapest, Vienna and Prague

When I left New York 8 months ago, I did so with a satisfaction that my relationship with the city had expired.  I was still enamoured with the energy, the diversity, the setting sun on the West Side Highway, the spontaneous and fleeting subway kinships, the snare-like drum beat that pushes the city forward, but along with it came the constant thrum of aggression, the spiky skin I’d developed to protect myself against the self-doubt, the lurking male figure on the street corner, the indifference and anonymity necessary to survive in a city with 8.5 million people in half the space of London.

It makes my discovery and relationship with these girls that much more special.

I have a deep belief that those who have like-minded Souls have a way of gravitating to each other. Our apparent backgrounds could not be more different, our passions only tangentially overlapping, but our aspirations, our values, our curiosity were magnetic. Somehow, in one of the most densely populated cities in the world, a rare friendship emerged.  

 FIRST STOP: PRAGUE

Where we stayed: Stare Mesto, on the way up to Prague Castle

Why we came:

To climb the oldest Astronomical Clock in the world and take in the dusty orange rooftops

To hike up to the Strahov Monastery and sample local beer, cheaper than water, tastier than your supermarket spread, carefully crafted and prized in a region where beer is God

To take in a Vivaldi’s Four Seasons at the Klementinum, touristy but also the original site of many historical performances, including the working organ Mozart first played on his visits to Prague

To sample amazing cocktails at Cash Only, explore local bookstores and cafes in the Praha 7 neighbourhood and chat existential questions with locals (do you believe in Aliens?)

 A year ago on a murky spring evening, we were sullenly sipping margaritas and chomping down free chips and salsa at Hotel Tortuga in Gramercy.  We were all on a cusp, reeling from recent emotional and mental trauma – about to jump, looking at the vast unknown ahead, half unsure whether we were skirting back from the edge out of fear or to take a running start. It was that night we decided we liked being labelled a Pistol.

Fast forward, and we crackled into a dusty courtyard halfway up the cobbled hill to the Prague Castle. A salesman peddling painted canvases of the Charles Bridge eyed us eagerly as we passed his stand, and then curiously as we, giant weekender bags made awkward, found keys and swung the enormous door to the Airbnb open. Ceilings high, vaulted and faded yellow, identifiably Ikea adorned.  We were in Eastern Europe, and we were sleepy. 

“We can swing by the Lennon Wall, and then check out the bridge,” my thumbs are trying to place us on google maps, the Czech network patchy on my British service.

Mishearing me, Sam whispers reverently to herself, “The lemon wall…”

I can only imagine what she thought it was when she misheard me. The Lennon Wall is the source of inspiration for the young Czech Velvet revolution after the USSR occupation in then Czechoslovakia, and today it continues to be covered in resistance art, as well as the occasional obscene scribble. When we arrived, the majority of young people promptly turned their back on the art, posing, friends designated as the photographer of the photoshoot, the graffiti nothing more than a colourful edgy backdrop to the subject of Me. The sad irony was not lost. 

My opinion of Prague is cemented further my second time visiting – this is a city optimized to experience gritty East Europe. Most of the city’s features are backwards looking, celebrating its colourful and fluctuating past.  The setting is firmly Czech, with its uniformly gritty orange roofs and sooty stucco walls, a beautiful, dusty maze of cobblestone and unexpected corners. All modern architecture looks ill-fitted and distasteful. It was the perfect first stop to get us emotionally and mentally detached for our journey.

SECOND STOP: VIENNA

Where we stayed: Just outside the center ring, five minutes between the Naschmarkt and the Karlskirche

Why we came:

To spend lazy afternoons reading in a café, the official national pastime of the Austrians. Notable places include:

Ulrich, for local vibes, charcuterie, ice cold Viennese wine for afternoon lazing

Vollpension, for Austrian brunch in the chicest assembly of your grandparents’ furniture

Naschmarkt, for Italian, Turkish, East Asian, and Austrian spices, deli stands, 

Wurstelstandes for local street sausages, especially one that oozes cheese in the middle

To sample Wiener Schnitzel and the famous Sacher Torte, both institutions in their own right

To see an Opera at the heart of European culture

Wander between an endless beauty of castles, gardens, museums, and libraries, all flowing into each other seamlessly

Pristine, cultured, a bit snobby, Vienna has reason to be proud. Arguably the capital of artistic and intellectual Europe for centuries, Mozart, Beethoven, Haydn, and Freud all called Vienna home and produced their best works as residents. Compared to Prague and Budapest, Vienna was spacious, white-washed, impeccably clean, and thoughtfully designed from the architecture to the colour of tulips in the local park, nary a loose stone or chipped street in sight.

We would spend Vienna wandering bookshops and vintage clothing stores, commenting on how airy and intentional the city felt.  “It would be an easy place to live,” we commented, but also felt more firmly Outside here than we did in any other place.  We couldn’t get into the library without a citizen’s card, nor did we know how to pick Opera box seats when time came to purchase tickets.  A waiter teased us for our American inflections, and others politely indifferent to us altogether. And so we moved on, to a city that could not be more different.

FINAL STOP: BUDAPEST

Where we stayed: District 7 on the Pest side

Why we came:

To immerse ourselves into Ruin Bars and Restaurants – you cannot miss this. Must go places include:

Mazel Tov – Israeli restaurant, a favorite of Hollywood visitors and this particular crew, who went twice, conveniently located across the street from our Airbnb

Szimpla Kert – one of the best Ruin bars in the city, it’s a cross between if 1) all the junk in Budapest was whisked away and then carefully/carelessly curated inside a hidden-in-clear-sight ruin and if 2) the Weasely’s The Burrow was converted into a garden bar

Bar Pharma for custom cocktails in a single bartop establishment tucked between two large restaurant “villages”

Soak in enormous Turkish baths pumped with natural water with hundreds of other people 

Take in the city by boat, or take the furnicular up to Buda castle, or simply stroll along the Pest waterline up to the Parliament

If Vienna was homogeneously pristine, Buda and Pest were a mosaic of socio-economic and cultural history stitched loosely together by proud and distinctive local people. Just two hours away from and sharing a central river Danube with Vienna upstream, Buda and Pest were originally two cities with its own governing bodies and historical relics. As Sam noted, it felt “like going down a rabbit hole; you never knew what you would stumble upon next”. Here, you could find a bit of everything: a polished high street with brand names sandwiched along million dollar homes with sleek heeled women strolling through; a few blocks away, a crumbling, narrow maze of markets and cafes, tucked behind chipped and sooted facades; a bit further along, Europe’s largest synagogue and a series of local designer shops. 

At night the city came alive with young people from all over - we didn’t know it then, but this city is known for Hen and Stag Do’s (bachelor/bachelorette parties), and there are plenty of clubs, lounges, bars, and outdoor gardens for everyone, and we certainly ran into every type. A group of costumed guys from Brighton, two students from Amsterdam, a chic French couple, plenty of Americans, and on our way home, conversation with two locals - one a true-blooded Hungarian, and the other a Transylvanian. I’d read about the sad yet confident history of Budapest on the train over from VIenna, and these two young men were eager to share more - how Hungary has never been fully recovered by Hungarians, particularly in recent centuries.  You could see it too - the shoes left on the Danube in remembrance of the massacre of Hungarian Jews during the Occupation; the house of TERROR, a museum that shares both sides of the WWII story, and even in the buildings, still pockmarked by bullet holes and shrapnel from the war. This was a city that had lived, and continued living - unlike Prague, it looked forward and celebrated the gritty present, and unlike Vienna, it was a veritable quilt of scarred history and people and architecture, made tangible in the tastes and sights and experiences of the city. 

We spent our last night at Szimpla Kert, the best Ruin bar we’d come upon. I straddled a beat up gymnastics pommel horse, balancing a $2 beer in hand, and on top of our heads a projector screen cranked a film reel of Hungary from the 50′s in faded technicolor.  All around us, an eclectic collection of seemingly junk, though each served purpose and style, given new life in this strange space. We leaned against an upstairs window, a cool Spring breeze flowing through, sharing ideas and stories about our lives - how much credit our mothers deserve and often don’t get, who we aspired to be, past loves for better or worse, and what we actually do now in our lives that gives us energy. 

Leaving was somber - even though we were returning to London, which for them was technically the last leg of their journey, there was a foreboding that the escape we’d felt for the last week was a temporary effect, that we’d return and find our lives unchanged.

That, of course, is untrue. We travel and may take home a souvenir or two - a coaster, a mug - but the places we go have a permanent effect on the way we view life, and of course on the way we view each other.  I know, for instance, that it’s rare to have compatriots who you can travel with for weeks and have heartfelt conversations every day, who listen and empathize and build and disagree thoughtfully. Who can watch Disney movies and feminist comedy or aspire to a lifestyle of wellness and also great cocktails and savour them all without reserve or judgement. 

We all enjoyed Budapest most, and I don’t think that’s a coincidence. We view our lives through the same lens - in full flavor, in all its pockmarked glory, in all the people who come through who are wonderfully different and yet part of the fabric of what makes us so strange and colorful. And like the city, though we may become weary, or life takes its momentary blows, we move forward with energy and focus, building treasure out of what’s left over. 

#travel #travel blog #budapest #vienna #prague #europe

[souzoushin]

[Translation] IDOLiSH7: Rabbit Chat [Kujou Tenn - Märchen Dream]  Part 5

Title: Thoughts About the Casting

Participants: Tsumugi, Tenn

Source: Unlocked in game from the Kujou Tenn card released as part of the second Ichiban Kuji card set (September-October 2016), pictured here.

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*** [Previous: Part 4 - TRIGGER’s Youngest] *** [Next: N/A]

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(Tsumugi)

Kujou-san, thank you for your hard work! The First Lottery cards have finally been put up for sale today. Thank you very much for working together with us on so many things yet again!

(Tenn)

Thank you for your hard work, Takanashi-san.

They seem to have attracted quite the hype. Let us stage the best possible performances as well, in order to repay the fans who are kindly buying them for us.

(Tsumugi)

Yes! I’ll make sure to engrave that into my mind all the more strongly...!

(Tenn)

IDOLiSH7′S fanservice comes in extremely varied flavors, so I think the fans were quite happy as well.

(Tsumugi)

I’ve watched TRIGGER’s concerts countless times so far, and the letters on the paper fans often read things like, “Shoot me,” or “Blow me a kiss,” do they not? I think that’s surely because you have many songs with a sexy note.

(Tenn)

Meanwhile, you get things like, “Say goodnight to me,” or ��Please jump up and down,” quite a lot.

I think the one who observes the paper fans the most is Izumi Mitsuki, maybe.

(Tsumugi)

That’s right! Mitsuki-san is always saying he wants to do his best so that everyone who came to see us can go home feeling happy after.

(Tenn)

Izumi Mitsuki has a high level of awareness. And I think it’s precisely because he fully knows he must work hard for it, if he wants to be acknowledged, that he was able to wear his outfit perfectly this time around too.

(Tsumugi)

Thank you very much... I believe Mitsuki-san will be really happy to hear what you had to say about him, Kujou-san.

(Tenn)

I’ve only said exactly what I thought during the filming.

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>> 1. Did you watch the short drama we released?

>>

(Tsumugi)

Did you watch the short drama we released?

(Tenn)

I watched it. Nikaidou Yamato and Yuki-san are well-known for their acting already, but I think it turned out well as a whole. Yotsuba Tamaki may have gained some experience from the previous drama too, because his acting got better. But I guess maybe it didn’t matter since his role was a wolf who was bad at communication.

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>> 2. I would be happy if we could get to work together again!

>>

(Tsumugi)

I would be happy if we could get to work together again!

(Tenn)

We’re all extremely busy with work so it might prove difficult, but it was a valuable rare experience. Apparently our manager also feels like there is quite a bit to learn from Okazaki-san and from you, Takanashi-san.

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>> 3. Riku-san was saying that you looked good in your costume as well, Kujou-san.

>>

(Tsumugi)

Riku-san was saying that you looked good in your costume as well, Kujou-san.

(Tenn)

He told me as much in the waiting room several times, too. He was also wondering how it would look if the two of us swapped costumes. Seeing Riku as a witch would be quite a rare occasion, wouldn’t it?

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(Tenn)

Also, I’ll have to ask you to please stop encouraging Ryuu’s incomprehensible, wild fantasies such as me being Cinderella, Snow White being Gaku, and himself being the Little Red Riding Hood.

(Tsumugi)

W-Was it bad!? I just thought that it would be interesting, since it’s such a different image from how the roles went in the drama.

(Tenn)

Let’s say me as Cinderella is still within the limits of common sense, at least.

(Tsumugi)

You have been called a modern-day angel, after all!

(Tenn)

But just what kind of comedy show would that be, with Gaku as Snow White and Ryuu as Little Red Riding Hood? That’s like the quickest possible way to stray from the image we’re marketed with...

(Tsumugi)

I thought it would make for an extremely strong-willed Snow White, and a kind-hearted Little Red Riding Hood. >< And you, Kujou-san, would be a graceful and dream-like Cinderella! [1]

(Tenn)

Why are you talking about it as if you can actually “see” it happening...

(Tsumugi)

It’s just that, as a girl, I really like these things...

(Tenn)

In that case, let me say something as well.

I’d be far more suitable than Izumi Iori for the prince who saves Riku, don’t you think.

(Tsumugi)

Ohhh, may I ask what makes you say that...?

(Tenn)

Because with the way Izumi Iori is doing it, Riku will never be saved. [2]

------------------------------------------------------------------------

[1] -- “dream-like” In original, this is 儚い (ephemeral, transient) which is a specific concept of beauty in Japanese art (where transience in itself is perceived as beautiful and elegant); Tsumugi uses it as 儚げ which is a form similar to adding “-like” at the end in English. The concept of a dreamy image is probably the closest we have to what the idea means to say so I used that.

[2] -- “Because with the way Izumi Iori is doing it, Riku will never be saved.” The literal form of this is more something like “Izumi Iori’s way of doing things can’t save Riku” but that sounds weak in English compared to how forceful it reads in original, so I made it sound more categorical. Leaving this as a note just so people can interpret on their own too.

#idolish7 #kujou tenn #takanashi tsumugi #trigger (i7) #i7: rabbit chat

[davidmann95]

What are your thoughts on Earth One? I've read Batman and Wonder Woman but just started on Superman.

A disaster that has long since outlived its dubious usefulness, only surviving now on monstrous inertia and sheer fucking stubbornness.

In fairness, it started as a great idea. Blockbuster-style ‘realistic’ origin stories of the biggest DC heroes in the OGN format and aimed at the bookstore market, with the biggest creators out there behind it? That’s genuinely inspired. The results however…Superman: Earth One and Batman: Earth One both manage the genuinely pretty incredible feats of being the worst story told of their title characters in almost 80 years. Both reasonable in concept - JMS had handled Marvel’s #1 boy to initial success and did some interesting work with the archetype in Supreme Power, and Johns/Frank on Batman would seem a surefire thing after their work on Action Comics. But there’s a gap between concept and execution here you could pilot an entire fleet of warships through.

Batman’s an incompetent, banally vengeful, violent asshole who fails utterly at nearly every turn due to his utter lack of training or preparation, whose sole victory of substance is strangling a weaponized mentally ill man before being easily defeated by the dang Penguin, and being rescued by the use of guns. It admittedly tries to do something interesting with the idea of an urban vigilante who isn’t necessarily brilliant and unstoppable - he’s just got some incomplete military training and whatever gadgets he can cobble together - but one cheap “I’LL SAVE THIS CITY NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES!” bit later and suddenly he’s for-real Batman even though he’s still a goddamn idiot. The sequel (checked out of the library) builds on this foundation to show he doesn’t have a clue about detective work, and the Riddler’s riddles are a distraction from a simple revenge scheme because hahaha, supervillain gimmicks are stupid. Also police brutality saves the day, which has sure aged well. Plus it’s all but directly Bruce’s fault his parents were killed. Throw some faux-deep monologuing on top about the rotting heart of the city and the meaning of life and death like a Snyder/Capullo joint gone septic, and you get a comic that manages to be both unpleasant and entirely boring. Looks nice though.

Superman, on the other hand, is the honest-to-god abomination of the pair. I’ve drained most of my poison on it over the years, through distance if nothing else, but this is one of the few comics out there whose existence sincerely makes me kind of angry. Not just because it’s a bad Superman story that catastrophically misses the point of the character, those are a dime a dozen - though yes, even aside from it being a Superman story, this is a painfully stock alien invasion/’embracing who you really are’ story we’ve seen a million times in a million better configurations. No, the thing that puts it over the top of the likes of, say, Superman II - which similarly has a Superman who’s kind of a total piece of shit - is that it is a story where he learns nothing from being a garbage person, and is rewarded for it. 

There’s a scene of him at his father’s grave saying he’d rather use his powers to get rich than help people, and if not for the alien invasion, that’d be it. That’d be the end of the story, that’d be what this Clark Kent did with his life. Of course he spouts off some mealy-mouthed horseshit about how he’ll still find ways of helping people, but that’s a tad undermined that when the alien invasion does show and starts slaughtering people around the world en masse with the promise of exterminating everyone on Earth if he doesn’t fight back, he spends another 20 pages waffling until someone he likes is personally, directly threatened, making him not only a cowardly sack of shit unwilling to make the most clear-cut of moral choices, but also kind of a goddamn moron for not understanding right away that the space invaders raining laser death around the world are being serious. And then he sticks with being Superman not out of a realization that he must do what is right, or out of shame that so many died while he was afraid and selfish and refusing to waste his gifts ever again (a tack that handled right could have redeemed a lot of the earlier story), but because it turns out getting to use his gifts publicly as Superman is more fun and satisfying than being a football player. In the sequel (again, checked out of the library out of morbid curiosity) when he decides he must tackle the Real Issues, instead of overthrowing a dictatorship himself immediately and without casualties, he passes out AK-47′s to insurgents to arm a bloody revolution so that he can return the dictator’s earlier quip about how “he who has the guns makes the rules” before leaving him to die. The third at least managed to titanically up its game to crushing mediocrity - it almost reads like a new, marginally better writer trying to fix things up and manage a soft reboot - but that hardly balances the scales. As usual, I’ll default to Colin Smith’s fantastic set of articles comparing it ethically and storytelling-wise to All-Star Superman, but this is one of maybe two or so pieces of pop media out there where I can’t find enjoyment of it anything other than objectively wrong (the other being Thor: The Dark World, though that was merely really really overwhelmingly shitty).

The Titans book…existed, I guess, and didn’t pull off much more than that. Morrison/Paquette/Fairbairn’s Wonder Woman was interesting if nothing else, and it did a better job of building up Paradise Island visually as a high-concept super-feminist-fantasy-wonderland than anything else I’ve ever seen, but it was critically flawed. The characterization for Diana is pretty paper-thin, and as a feminist text it’s if nothing else yet another argument that Morrison probably shouldn’t be trying to write about contemporary social issues if he essentially refuses to use the internet - Elle Collins’ and Kelly Kanayama’s pieces on it go into its failings far better than I ever could. It was a fascinating failure at least as opposed to the rest, I’m genuinely curious where further volumes might go, but I’d consider it Morrison’s most significant failure as a superhero writer so far of the 21st century. An experiment in seeing if he could write Wonder Woman, rather than something he did out of sincere interest.

Earth One outlived its purpose once the New 52 hit, but it sold just well enough that DC couldn’t justify throwing it aside, so it still goes on. Superman may be done now that JMS has left comics (as should be Flash: Earth One, which I actually consider a shame given it apparently would have come out close to Morrison’s Multiversity Too: The Flash, which would’ve been a gut-buster of a contrast) unless someone else comes on to continue it, and Aquaman: Earth One may have fallen by the wayside, but Johns and Morrison have both confirmed there’s going to be more Batman and Wonder Woman, so at this point I don’t think it’s going to go away until we at least see Justice League: Earth One, presumably Chuck Austen’s triumphant return to DC. In spite of that though I maintain the experiment has utterly failed, the greatest testament to that being that when Morrison’s described Earth 1 in The Multiversity Guidebook he noted that the Earth was ‘in flux’, thereby inserting an escape hatch - essentially admitting that that Earth sucks so bad that you shouldn’t have to believe it actually exists in the Multiverse if you don’t want to.

EDIT: jonsei93 said: Damn, it’s kinda sad that THIS Superman gets to wear the classic costume instead of the main one. Because E1 Superman really doesn’t deserve to wear it, let alone touch it! (Yeah, I read a little of Superman Earth One, too and….yeah, I didn’t really bother acknowledging those books after that)

There are definitely people out there who considered Earth One to be the proper modern reinvention of the character rather than the New 52 guy, I’m pretty sure entirely based on that suit. Knowing this makes me feel bad.

#Superman: Earth One #Superman #Batman: Earth One #Batman #Wonder Woman: Earth One #Wonder Woman #Teen Titans: Earth One #Teen Titans #DC Comics #J. Michael Straczynski #Shane Davis #Geoff Johns #Gary Frank #Grant Morrison #Yanick Paquette #Nathan Fairbairn #Opinion

[theconservativebrief]

The tale of Halloween in Haddonfield, Illinois, has been told and retold: the night in 1963 that an angelic 6-year-old Michael Myers, dressed in a clown suit, brutally murdered his teenage sister, followed by the night 15 years later, again on Halloween, when he broke out of a mental institution in his famously mutilated William Shatner mask to terrorize the virginal babysitter Laurie Strode, a.k.a. Jamie Lee Curtis in the role that would make her the ultimate scream queen.

As Laurie, Curtis has battled the unkillable, silent but single-minded Michael Myers across five of the 11 films in John Carpenter’s Halloween franchise — including the newest entry, a sort-of sequel, sort-of remake directed by David Gordon Green that’s out this weekend.

Of all iconic horror franchises, none is quite as quirky and erratic as this one. Though the original film, Halloween (1978), is Carpenter’s signature film, it’s the only one in the series he directed. He then co-wrote and co-produced a sequel with his collaborator Debra Hill, but their subsequent attempt to keep the series from becoming formulaic would end up sending it meandering off in random, truncated directions.

As a result, where most horror franchises stick to their main story concept and expand it over time, the Halloween franchise keeps getting lost and restarting itself — hence the shaky continuity of the latest film. The only thing we can say for sure about the timeline is that the first two films are paired and occur in sequential order on the very same night. After that, the franchise goes haywire, spinning through one-offs, sequels, and remakes that perpetually overwrite each other.

Of course, this cyclical quality may also be why Halloween is so enduringly popular — you definitely don’t need to have seen every film in the franchise to understand what’s happening, or to enjoy the next one.

Of course, there’s another facet of the series’ enduring popularity that can’t be overlooked, and that’s the cat-and-mouse game between Laurie and horror’s most implacable killer. So if you’re a fan of Michael Myers, you came to the right place: Let us walk you through the movies and tell you which are indispensable for the casual Halloween fan and which are skippable (most of them).

Before we get started: With a franchise this inconsistent, it’s good to establish which parts of the films are consistent. That way, when you brush up on your Halloween movies, it won’t matter if you skip a few. Here are the main rules of the franchise — all of which, unsurprisingly, involve its iconic villain.

1) Michael Myers always wears his mask — and he never, ever speaks.

You rarely see him without his mask in any of the films. The Shatner masks have become the stuff of horror film legend. As for his voice, you only hear him speak in one film in which his childhood is explored — before he became a monster. Beyond that? Nada.

2) Michael is usually credited as “The Shape” and is always referred to at some point as the Boogeyman.

A crediting tradition begun in the first two films and intermittently revived over the years, “The Shape” is back for the 2018 sequel. The Boogeyman has remained a constant.

3) Michael is always obsessed with Laurie Strode or her nearest relations.

The reason for this is revealed in the second film, and all the following films have retained this explanation for their connection.

4) Michael never runs. He always walks slowly after his victims, and he’s never in a hurry.

Part of the terrifying thing about Michael is that he’s surely the most casual serial killer in history. He never picks up the pace beyond a leisurely stroll, and he often seems to be nearly lackadaisical in his attempts to off his prey. Of course, he nearly always gets them in the end.

5) Michael can’t be killed.

This one is obvious, but it bears stating for the record. Throughout the franchise, he will survive multiple gunshots, stabbings, explosions, car crashes, electrocution, being run over, having his skull bashed in, being set on fire multiple times, and (sorta) being decapitated.

Got all that? Great. Let’s go trick-or-treating!

The Shape having some fun.

Tagline: “The night HE came home!”

Is it a trick or a treat? Definitely a treat.

Halloween is famous for lots of reasons. It singlehandedly launched the era of the slasher film. It’s John Carpenter’s debut film, a low-budget indie that made an astronomical profit and launched his career. It’s got one of the most famous film scores and horror themes in history, written by Carpenter himself. It remains an incredibly creepy film, full of lingering and now-iconic shots of its killer stalking through idyllic suburbia, biding his time or casually observing his kills. And, most crucially, it introduced us to one of horror’s most famous villains, destined to be eternally mentioned in the same breath as Freddy and Jason.

Halloween is often credited as being the first example of the slasher subgenre of horror, and for introducing the world to the concept of the Final Girl: the one girl, usually singled out for her virginal qualities, who gets to survive the cinematic massacre of all her counterparts.

Except neither of those things is true. The slash-happy Giallo genre of Italian noir thrillers predates Halloween by about a decade, and two earlier slasher movies gave us the prototypical Final Girls: Tobe Hooper’s Texas Chainsaw Massacre and the Canadian cult classic Black Christmas, which were released a few months apart from each other in 1974.

However, Carpenter’s tale did serve to mainstream both the slasher film and the Final Girl, thanks largely to the magnetism of Jamie Lee Curtis as the canny, if mostly helpless, Laurie Strode.

Laurie typified the Final Girl trope from the start: She was “too smart” for boys and dressed like a dowdy homemaker, in contrast to the other girls with their trendy fashion and sexual exploration; in other words, she embodied the kind of chaste virtue that ensured her survival. But Curtis managed to pull off this role with a kind of fierce, gleaming shrewdness beneath the passive exterior — and two decades later, in her return to the franchise after a long hiatus, she would really throw off the helpless act once and for all.

The other main character of Halloween is an unlikely one, but nonetheless a fan favorite: Michael’s zealous therapist Dr. Loomis, played by the ever-zany Donald Pleasence, who would remain the heart of the franchise until his death.

Then there’s the specter of Michael himself, who’s played mainly by the actor (and later established director) Nick Castle. As horror villains go, Michael is ranked very high on the “too unbelievable to be effective” meter, but there’s something truly and indelibly terrifying about him, from the moment he shows up for his first killing spree as a kid, dressed in a Harlequin costume, to the time he returns to skulk silently around Laurie’s suburban neighborhood, dangling a knife and wearing a mask that’s dirty, mottled, and still creepy as hell.

It’s a little-known fact that the Halloween franchise is actually sponsored by jack-o’-lanterns. Universal/IMDB

Tagline: “More of the night HE came home.” (I guess modern horror was still working out how to really market this franchise thing, huh.)

Is it a direct sequel? Yes.

Is it a trick or a treat? For true Halloween fans, it’s a treat, albeit a plodding one.

Halloween 2, also written by Carpenter and Hill, picks up immediately after the first film, still on the same Halloween night. With Loomis leading police all over town looking for Michael, our killer naturally hightails it to the hospital where Laurie is recuperating from her injuries and proceeds to kill everyone on staff in order to get to her. The movie concludes with the shocking revelation that Laurie is Michael’s other sister, born too young to know him and sheltered from the truth all her life — until, of course, her past literally catches up with her on Halloween.

What makes this film notable among the franchise is that it establishes the central conflict of Michael versus the town of Haddonfield itself. Haddonfield is the only “character” that consistently appears throughout the Halloween series (minus the outlier that is the third film), and its relationship to Michael changes in interesting ways over the decades.

As films go, however, Halloween 2 isn’t very good. Laurie is relegated to an even more useless role than in the first film, spending the movie disabled due to her injuries. And even though we’re only on the second film, the murders already feel formulaic and perfunctory; gone are the creatively displayed bodies and carefully arranged murder tableaus, staged to increase the horror for everyone who finds them.

Perhaps because it’s the same night and he’s been on his feet all day running from the law, and, oh, yeah, at some point he apparently absorbed six bullets to the chest and head, in Halloween II Michael’s pretty “whatever” about how the bodies fall. He does get to fake out a really dumb cop by pretending to be dead, though, and he clearly enjoys that bit, so you do you, Mikey.

I’m angry that this still shot makes this film look so much cooler than it is. Universal/IMDB

Tagline: “The night no one comes home.”

Is it a direct sequel? No, it has nothing to do with any other Halloween movie.

Is it a trick or a treat? This movie is a dirty trick on all Halloween fans, but worth checking out just for the weirdness — especially for John Carpenter completists.

After Halloween 2, Carpenter and Hill had a combined vision for the future of Halloween: turn it into a series of anthology films rather than continuing the story of Michael Myers. As such, Season of the Witch, directed and written by Halloween’s production designer Tommy Lee Wallace, has nothing to do with the prior two films apart from recalling a single vague line in the second film about how Samhain, October 31, was a Druidic holiday often accompanied by ritual sacrifice.

Today, we’re used to horror franchises that expand out from their original storylines and go in different directions, thanks to more recent series like Paranormal Activity and The Conjuring. But Season of the Witch lacked any connective tissue with its predecessors and strayed too far from the formula fans had come to expect. In fact, Season of the Witch actually made the original Halloween a movie that exists within its storyline, which totally destroyed any semblance of continuity.

Season of the Witch instead treads a line between Lovecraftian horror and a corporate sci-fi dystopia, planting itself in California instead of Illinois and insinuating a terrifying global Halloween night conspiracy, all originating in a tiny rural company town. Frequent Carpenter collaborator Tom Atkins stars as a middle-aged doctor drawn into the madness after a patient dies at the hands of mysterious suit-wearing shills for a corporation that sells Halloween masks. Yes, that is a real sentence I just wrote.

The film meanders between Atkins’s frequently far-fetched sleuthing and sinister happenings around the factory and its town, while the company owner, a cross between an evil Willy Wonka and Lord Summerisle, oversees all. The whole ridiculous plot comes to a head with about as much incoherence as you’d expect based on everything I’ve just written.

Predictably, Season of the Witch was a box office flop and ended Carpenter and Hill’s hopes of turning the franchise into an anthology series. But then it gradually became a cult classic among horror fans; you can see its influence on modern horror films like Cabin in the Woods, and its fans argue that if it had been a standalone film called Season of the Witch, its reception would have been much different.

Also, the soundtrack to Season of the Witch, again scored by Carpenter, contains a theme titled “Chariots of Pumpkins,” and it is fantastic.

Donald Pleasence reacts to the news that he has to keep making these films. Universal/IMDB

Taglines: “Tonight, HE’S BACK!”; “Michael lives. AND THIS TIME THEY’RE READY!”; “Terror never rests in peace.”

Are they direct sequels? Yes, very loosely.

Are they tricks or treats? TRICKS, don’t be fooled — we watched these films so you won’t have to.

I need to state for the record that Donald Pleasence is a truly great actor. His performance in the Outback horror Wake in Fright is unforgettable. He was a perfect Bond villain. He was nominated for four Tony Awards! But he also loved to chew the scenery, and the middle period of the Halloween franchise gave him plenty to sink his teeth into.

The fourth and fifth films, churned out in 1988 and ’89, attempt to carry on the saga of the Strodes and Michael Myers without Jamie Lee Curtis. A slew of new writers and directors dropped into the franchise, and the fourth film replaced Laurie Strode after killing her off in a car accident, sight unseen, by inventing her 8-year-old daughter, an annoyingly cherubic little girl named Jamie.

Nothing that happens in Halloween 4, 5, or 6 ultimately matters because they’re all generic teen slashers with Spielbergian little kids and a raving Pleasence at their centers, and because the sixth film promptly kills Jamie to make way for a new set of victims (including Clueless-era Paul Rudd) and a whole lot of wacky new plot: Michael apparently fathered a son by his niece Jamie (wtf) while she was being held hostage for, like, a decade (wtf!) in a full-on goth cult(!!!) as part of yet another vast Druidic conspiracy orchestrated by the head of Michael’s sanitarium to mystically implant Michael with superhuman sociopathy, because HALLOWEEN.

But none of that matters either, because Halloween 6 was widely hated, it flopped at the box office, and then its dumb plot was also totally ignored by every other film to follow.

However, one thing that is interesting in these films is the development of Haddonfield as a self-aware character in the tale of Michael Myers. The police force evolves into an overeager, hapless army pitting itself against Michael’s eventual return, while the townspeople, believing he’s finally gone, turn him into a proper urban legend.

The main draw of this misbegotten middle part of the Halloween saga is Pleasance’s Dr. Loomis. Armed only with a pathetic and paltry pistol, Loomis seems to be the only character capable of facing down Michael again and again and surviving to tell the tale. And Pleasence always manages to walk a line between stone-cold sanity and madness that keeps Loomis vulnerable and endearing even at his campiest.

Unfortunately, Pleasence died after filming but before the release of the sixth film, which is dedicated to his memory. And without him, there really was only one other person who could keep the Halloween flame burning.

We stan a scream queen with a kickass haircut and a survivor’s outlook on life.

Taglines: “The night SHE fought back!”; “This summer, terror won’t be taking a vacation.” (This one makes sense when you realize the film was released in August.)

Is it a direct sequel? Yes, as the title implies.

Is it a trick or a treat? Honestly, this one’s a treat.

Director Steve Miner wisely brought Jamie Lee Curtis back to the franchise for H20 by completely ignoring anything that happened in films 3 through 6 aside from the barely mentioned car accident used to kill off Laurie Strode to begin with. Here we learn she faked her own death, moved out to California, and became a prep school head under an assumed identity. Michael tracks her down anyway, just in time for her son’s 17th birthday, and the madness begins again.

Two things are apparent when you watch H20. The first is how much the ’90s did to advance the treatment of women in horror films, and how markedly different adult Laurie is from her tepid, terrified younger self. Though she’s still clearly traumatized from what happened to her, she’s also built an amazing life for herself as an academic and a mother — and now she’s prepared to do battle to keep that life. H20 is the first film where any of the women targeted by Michael, or indeed any of the victims at all, really attempt to fight back instead of just running around in terror for most of the movie. And the film goes a step further by having Laurie choose to stay and confront Michael even when given the opportunity to escape.

The second is how much of an immediate impact Scream had on horror films of the late ’90s. (At one point, the film shows its group of teenagers watching Scream 2 on Halloween night.) H20 is far more character-driven than any of its predecessors, and it pivots around Laurie and her relationship with her son (Josh Hartnett). This is the moment you can see the Halloween producers finally figuring out that horror franchises can be about more than just horror.

Please, let the white dude cosplaying as Samuel L. Jackson tell you everything you need to know about this movie.

Tagline: “Evil finds its way home.”

Is it a direct sequel? Supposedly it’s a loose sequel to H20, but we reject this premise.

Is it a trick or a treat? The WORST TRICK, stay away unless you like kitschy early internet nostalgia and lots of blurry found-footage trickery.

Halloween: Resurrection is so on-trend for summer 2001 that it’s almost worth watching for the cheesy time capsule aspects: the impact of early reality television, the advent of online relationships, and, of course, the way both Scream and Blair Witch Project had led to a trend of so-meta-it-hurts horror films experimenting with found footage and shaky cams. This one sees a bunch of college students watching and cheering on a bunch of other college students — and Busta Rhymes, for some reason — as they invade the old Myers house for a live televised reality show that of course turns into a house of horrors when Michael shows up for some slice-and-dice.

Where is Laurie during all this, you ask? Gone is the assertive survivor Laurie from H20. The film strips her of her new life and plants her in an institution as a result of the ending of that previous film. Then it kills her off within the first 10 minutes, giving the series its low point when she kisses Michael on the mouth and promises to “see you in hell.”

What Resurrection misses completely is that Halloween just isn’t Halloween without Michael battling a specific set of characters. To the extent that Halloween 4-6 worked, they worked because Michael was still pursuing the Strode family and still combating Dr. Loomis. Take away that connection and you’re left with a formulaic slasher movie that no amount of clever stylization can cover.

Taglines: “Evil has a destiny”; “Family is forever.”

Are they direct sequels? No, these are spiritually faithful remakes of both.

Are they tricks or treats? Very sharp treats.

From the emotionally violent opening scene, in which we gradually realize we’re seeing a picture of Michael Myers’s deeply dysfunctional home life before he snapped and went on his childhood killing spree, Rob Zombie’s take on Halloween announces itself as something different, a cut above all the other films in the franchise, bar the first one.

By giving Michael a backstory similar to the ones that often breed real-life serial killers, the film humanizes him and belies the idyllic “terror comes to suburbia” aspect of all the previous films. The film also delves into an aspect of his story that to this point had only been described after the fact: his psychotherapy sessions with Dr. Loomis, here played by Malcolm McDowell. The second film, Halloween II, also extends this interest in psychology to Laurie Strode (played this time by Scout Taylor-Compton), plumbing the emotional and psychological connection between her and Michael.

Like all Rob Zombie films, these are steeped in violence and obscenity, but the deranged atmosphere does more to make Michael feel interesting than all the previous films — he’s both a superhuman killer and a boy plainly driven by the sociological factors that turn people into sociopaths. As horror films go, these are among the better offerings of the aughts’ crop of gritty slashers, à la Wolf Creek. And because it’s still about Michael Myers, it all feels epic and larger than life in a way few of those other films do.

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Of course, we can’t tell you too much about the new film, except to say that it will feel very familiar to Halloween fans. Curtis’s Laurie is back in full-on survivor (and survivalist) mode. And this time, her whole family has to face down Michael with her — whether they’re ready or not.

This version of Halloween pays direct homage to the original Halloween in numerous ways. It expects its viewers to know and love the original film, and to react to its echoes years later. Above all, this Halloween is fully aware of what Halloween films do best: let Michael Myers terrify viewers as he conducts his regularly scheduled eerie rampage through Haddonfield. So prepare to meet the face of pure evil — for the 10th time in four decades.

Original Source -> Halloween: a complete guide to horror’s quirkiest, most erratic franchise

via The Conservative Brief

#IFTTT #The Conservative Brief