Never Been You
Requested: @hzllxhoundxx
Everything Tag List: @jc-winchester @mrsjenniferwinchester @perpetualabsurdity @antisocialcorrupt @heavenlyackles @anixiiee @jackles010378 @suckitands33 @deans-spinster-witch @k-slla @alternativeprincess @spnbaby-67 (if you'd like added to my everything tag list, please indicate by saying "please tag me in everything Jensen/Dean")
Warnings: Angst, Demon Dean, Kidnapping, Violence, Mature Themes, Demon Dean Being an Absolute Dick
Following S10 E2, S10 E3 (of course with my twist!)
I got carried away so this is a hella long one for you guys!
"you need to get to Beulah North Dakota now!" I rushed out to Castiel who was on the other end of the phone call.
"I do?"
"yes, Crowley and Dean were there, we have to pick up their trail."
I looked over to see Sam in the truck hunched over in pain.
"good, great."
I felt the emotions wash over me for what felt like the thousandth time since seeing the footage of Dean, our Dean, sporting black eyes. Castiel has no idea.
"Not exactly, Cas, Dean's a Demon." I said feeling the unshed tears slip from my eyes.
"Dean's a Demon? How?"
"It's the mark Cas, it messed him up, I don't know." I cried.
"that's a vast understatement." Castiel grumbled.
"look Cas, I know you're not feeling so hot right now, but I need you, it’s sort of an all hands on deck situation, so…"
"so I'll be there."
I hopped back in the truck I had rescued Sam in and continued to drive to North Dakota. I played through every scenario in mind of how this could go, and none of them ended well.
I needed to find Dean, I needed to help him.
"I got a lead, disturbance at a night club, a rowdy patron beat a security guard senseless. It sounds like a demon thing to do." Sam said looking at his phone.
"I guess let's check it out then."
It was still daytime when we were pulling up to the strip club.
Of course Dean would end up here.
"think that's the guy?" I asked Sam, looking at a muscular security guard who was wearing a sling identical to Sam's and had two black eyes.
"I would say it's a safe bet."
I stopped the truck hopping out, followed by Sam.
"excuse me sir, is this the guy who attacked you last night?" Sam asked straight forward, showing a picture of Dean.
"that's the guy, I called 911 but he was gone before they showed up."
Damn.
I didn't expect him to still be here, but it felt like a blow to the gut to actually hear it.
"that dude get to you too?" He asked Sam referencing his sling.
"uh no, this uh is just a hunting accident." Sam responded.
"would you do us a favor, if this guy shows back up, please give us a call." I said producing a fake FBI business card with my number on it.
"you bet."
"thanks."
I ran a hand through my hair with a huff before getting back in the truck.
"what now?" I asked, feeling the tears prick at my eyes again.
I couldn't bare the thought of Dean actually being a demon.
"I don't know." Sam said in defeat.
I drove the truck to a nearby motel, renting us a room. Sam had been through hell, he needed to rest. I helped him lay down on the bed, noticing his eyes get instantly heavy.
"I'll be right back, I'm just going to get something out of the truck." I told him, rushing outside.
As soon as I stepped outside, I heard a voice that made my blood boil with anger.
"hello there love."
I turned around to see Crowley with a smirk on his face.
"did ya miss me?"
I huffed in anger, reaching behind me to pull a blade from my belt loop.
"oh so much." I growled.
"easy now, I know you're here for Dean, and I'm here to give him to you."
Is this a trick?
I could never truly trust Crowley.
"I don't understand."
"you see he's bad for business, he's.. he's become uncontrollable, must be the mark.." Crowley trails off with a smirk.
"anywho Dean's your problem now, again, forever." Crowley added.
"then where the hell is he?" I snapped, not being able to contain my anger towards the king of hell.
"ah ah, first there's a small matter of my finders fee."
"nothing ever comes free with you, wouldn't have expected anything less."
****************************************************
I hesitantly walk in to the bar not knowing what to expect. I didn't even tell Sam where I was going. I knew he didn't have the strength to fight, and I didn't want him to get hurt.
"hiya angel." Dean said looking up at me with a smirk.
I felt my breathing get heavy as I looked at him. It was Dean in the flesh, but this thing was so far from Dean. Dean was brave, he was kind, Dean cared.
"I told you to let me go." Dean said picking up his glass of whiskey and sipping it.
"you know I can't do that Dean."
He smirked, taking another sip.
"by the way, your pal Crowley, he sold you out, didn't take him much." I said stepping a bit closer.
"sounds like him."
"Dean, we can cure demons, don't you remember that?" I asked taking another step closer.
Dean picked up the first blade, walking past me in a threatening manner.
"a little latin, lot of blood, yeah it rings a bell. but did you ever stop to think that if I wanted to be cured, I wouldn't have bailed."
"Dean that was Crowley, you don't know what you're doing."
"that's what you think." Dean said pouring himself another glass of whiskey.
"well it doesn't matter Dean, whatever happened, whatever went down, we will fix it." I said cautiously taking another step towards him.
"Oh will we? Meanwhile I'm doing all I can to not come over there and rip your throat out."
"Dean you don't mean that."
"I'm giving you a chance to run sweetheart, better take it." Dean threatened.
"I'll pass." I said quickly.
“I'm not walking out that door with you, I'm just not, so what are you going to do angel, huh? Are you going to kill me?" Dean asked.
I felt a chill run down my spine at the way he called me angel. It was laced with venom.
"I didn't come here to kill you."
"why? you have no idea what I've done, in fact I might have it coming."
"I don't care Dean, you're my best friend, and I'm here to take you home. I'm here to save you."
I wanted to admit so much more to him.
I wanted to tell him that it's because I was in love with him and couldn't imagine my life without him in it. I was worried now that I wouldn't get the chance too.
I heard Dean start to chuckle.
"save me? why would you want to save me? it's never been you, you know." Dean said taking a sip.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
Dean got up sauntering his way over to me. I instinctively took a step back, not trusting him. I soon found out though, the more distance I tried to put between us the closer he got. I raised my hand up putting it on his chest to stop him from getting any closer.
Dean smirked at me before twisting my arm and bringing his hand up to my throat. He pinned me to the wall a twisted look in his eyes. I felt a chill run down my spine, he was getting pleasure out of this.
"I see the way you look at me, the way you lust for me, you want me." Dean smirked.
I glared at him, trying to turn my face away, his hold on my throat getting tighter.
"you don't want to kill me because you're in love with me, and you have been for quite some time, haven't you?"
I couldn't speak, Dean's hold on me was too tight. I furrowed my eyebrows as if to convey he wasn't right, even though he was.
"and its never been you for me.. you see while you've been trying to find me, trying to save me, i've been fucking everything with a heartbeat." Dean growled.
I could feel the tears brim my eyes as his words cut in to me. I knew he was just trying to hurt me, but part of me wondered if that's how Dean actually felt.
He let go of my throat, shoving me to the floor. I instantly stood back up taking out the handcuffs from my back pocket.
"you really think those are going to work sweetheart?" Dean asked with a smirk.
"well there's one way to find out."
As I took a step forward, the window shattered and the entire room started filling with smoke. I looked to my left to see someone had threw a smoke grenade. I felt the air rush from my lungs as I breathed in the smoke. I put my shirt over my mouth and nose, trying to find an exit. I started to cough, as my vision got blurry.
I finally found the emergency exit, pushing it open. I saw the silhouette of a man on the other side as I collapsed from smoke inhalation. He struck me across the face hard, causing me to fall back to the ground, hitting my head in the process.
I was seeing stars as I sat clutching my bleeding head. Dean came out glaring the man down. I heard them exchange some words, but couldn't make out exactly what they were saying.
I noticed myself start to slip in and out of consciousness.
I saw them start to fight, Dean clearly having the upper hand.
I felt like my head was on fire, as I glanced up seeing Dean holding the first blade to the guys neck. He was going to kill him. I was surprised when he dropped him, tucking the blade back in to his pocket. I tried to muster up any strength I could to get up, but my body was betraying me. Dean walked over to me, a sick grin etched on to his face as he swayed his hips.
"Dean please." I choked out.
"time to sleep now baby."
Dean raised his hand striking me, and that's the last thing I remember before my world went dark.
****************************************************
I was in agonizing pain as I fluttered my eyelashes open. I panicked as I couldn't move my body. I looked down to see my arms and legs were bound to a wooden chair. I gathered from my surroundings that I was in some kind of warehouse, but I didn't recognize where.
"oh good, you're awake."
Dean came over crouching in front of me so we were eye level.
"let me go." I growled.
"can't do that angel." He said caressing my cheek.
I quickly moved my head away, causing his hand to fall.
"you don't want to provoke me." Dean growled.
"or what? you're going to kill me?"
Dean gave a sickly sweet smile. He leaned in close whispering in my ear.
"or you're going to wish you were dead."
"I'm not scared of you Dean." I snapped.
Dean lets out a chuckle, standing to his feet.
"I knew there was a reason I liked you so much, feisty little thing."
"why don't you let me out of these ropes and I'll show you just how feisty I can be."
Dean chuckled again, grabbing a bottle of whiskey taking a sip.
"I don't even know why I'm talking to you, this isn't even the real you." I scoffed.
"oh it's the real me alright, the new real me, the me who sees things for what they actually are."
I scoffed again rolling my eyes at his words.
"hunters, do-gooders, fighting the natural order, well let me tell you something sweetheart people like me, we are the natural order."
"yeah well people like me still gotta do what we can." I growled.
Dean smirked as he crouched back down to my eye level.
"oh don't be so full of yourself baby, cause you see from where I'm sitting, there ain't much difference from what I turned in to, to what you already are." Dean smirked.
"and what is that supposed to mean?" I growled.
Dean took one hand resting on my cheek, the other on the back of my neck so I couldn't move away from him again.
"I know what you did when you went looking for me, how far you went." Dean whispered, dangerously close to my face.
I felt the guilt sink back in.
I just kept telling myself I did what I had to in order to find Dean. I felt my breathing quicken as Dean came in closer, practically brushing his lips against mine.
"so let me ask you baby, which one of us is really the monster?"
I felt the tears brimming my lashes as Dean stared at me. Dean smirked as he stood back up.
"Now you and Sammy were trying to get a twenty on Crowley and me from any demon you could snag, but Crowley didn't want to be found, and no one showed when you summoned. But you my angel, you found your own way didn't you?"
I was ridden with guilt as I remembered how I tricked Lester in to summoning a demon to make a deal.
"You would've liked to have gotten there before the deal went down but you didn't really care about poor ol' Lester did you? Oh and just so you know, I uh killed Lester myself." Dean smirked as if it were funny.
"I never meant.." I started to choke out but Dean cut me off.
"who cares what you meant, that line that we thought was so clear between us and the things we hunted, ain't so clear is it?" Dean yelled.
I bit my lip to stop the tears from falling.
"wow, you know, you might actually be worse then me. I mean you took a guy at his lowest, used him, and it cost him his life and his soul, nice work baby." Dean said crouching back down.
I spit in his face, the anger I was feeling towards him boiling over. Dean angrily wiped his face off with the hem of his shirt.
"there's no point in trying to bring your best friend back now." Dean growled.
"oh I’ll bring him back, if it's the last thing I do." I growled.
"In fact, your uh guilt ridden, weight-of-the-world best friend, has been M.I.A. for quite some time now. I have to say though, I'm loving the new model, lean, mean, Dean."
I rolled my eyes turning my head away from him.
"I can't believe you're still trying! I mean, I couldn't wait to get away from you. I chose the king of hell over you! I guess I was just tired of having to coddle you, always having to yank your ass out of the fire. Do you ever stop to think that just your very existence sucks the life out of my life?" Dean said.
I could feel the tears run down my cheeks as he spoke.
"this isn't my best friend talking, he would never say those things." I spoke, more for my benefit than for his.
"you never had a best friend, just an excuse for wimping out, and guess what angel, I quit."
"no, you don't get to quit, we don't quit, okay you and me Dean we're bonded whether you like it or not, and this bond is all that we've got." I cried.
"well then we've got nothing." Dean smirked.
I looked down at the floor, praying that Sam had noticed I was gone. I was praying to Castiel to come find me. I knew if it came down to it, I couldn't kill Dean, even if it meant he'd kill me. I was praying for another solution.
I heard the door open and the sound of heeled footsteps against the floor.
"you brought us a play thing?"
I looked up to see a female, she wore black eyes similar to Deans.
"not us, mine." Dean growled at the girl who took a step closer to me.
"but I want to play too." she smirked coming over to me, brushing a piece of hair off my bare shoulder.
I shivered at her touch, trying to move away with what limited space I had.
"I said no." Dean growled.
I glanced up meeting Dean's eyes and for a second, just a second, I could see he wasn't totally gone.
"have you gone soft on us Winchester?"
"ha, not even, but you see that one's kind of a special project of mine, and I want to kill her myself." Dean smirked staring at me.
"okay, then I won't kill her."
As she said this, she shoved the chair back, causing me to hit my head on the concrete below. I grunted as the air was knocked out of my lungs.
"I'll just hurt her." she laughed.
"Dean please." I pleaded, struggling to breathe.
"Dean's gone." the woman whispered, running a hand through my hair.
"Dean I know you're in there. I'm begging you. I always rely on you because I know I can. Dean you're the most selfless person I know. I know that somewhere inside you still care. I know you don't want to hurt me Dean." I cried.
As I was putting on my show, I managed to wiggle one of my arms free. I reached around to grab my blade that was hidden in my belt loop, but I didn't feel anything.
"are you looking for this?" she smirked, inspecting the demon blade.
"go back to hell where you belong." I snapped.
"nice show, even almost had me fooled for a second." I heard her laugh.
She held the blade to my cheek. I could feel my breathing quicken as she ran the blade down my cheek towards my neck. She pressed in just enough to draw a small trickle of blood. I looked past her to try to reason with Dean again but I didn't see him.
I suddenly felt blood splatter on my face. It was coming from the woman's mouth as Dean plunged the first blade deeper in to her spine. I watched the life leave her eyes in an instant. Dean grunted as he ripped the blade out, her now lifeless body slumping over my own. He threw her body off of me, picking the chair back up.
He started to pace around the room as if he wasn’t sure what just happened.
"look what you made me do!" Dean yelled.
"Dean, let me go, and then I can help you." I whimpered weakly.
Dean glared at me, his eyes going black before flashing back to his normal green ones. Dean growled, opening the door to the room before slamming it shut leaving me alone.
I had to get out of here. I noticed my blade still on the ground, just a few feet from where I sat. If I can get to it, I can cut myself free.
I leaned over as far as I could, causing the chair to tip over sideways. I once again smacked my head on the concrete as I fell. I groaned at the impact but shook it off, using my free arm to pull myself closer to the knife. I reached out my arm, my fingers just barely grazing the handle.
"come on!" I exclaimed, trying to grip it again.
I finally managed to wrap my fingers around the handle of the blade. I breathed a momentary sigh of relief, cutting my other arm free from the ropes than cutting my ankles free. I stood up weakly looking for an exit. I took my sleeve, wiping the blood off my face.
I wasn't sure how much of it was hers, and how much of it was my own.
I finally saw a red exit sign. I mustered up all my strength sprinting over to it. I put my hand on the door, but suddenly stopped.
I couldn't leave him.
I wouldn't.
I was debating with myself when I heard a loud growl. Dean must've come back and noticed I was gone.
"you're coming home whether you like it or not." I whispered, running through the warehouse.
I could hear Dean walking after me, opening doors as he went. It was eery how calm he walked.
"come on baby, don't you want to hang out with me, spend a little quality time." Dean yelled.
I quieted my breathing as I found the keys to the electrical room. I moved quietly against the walls towards the room.
I heard Dean kick down some doors, growling every time I wasn't behind one of them. I managed to get to the electrical room. I fumbled with the keys trying to unlock the door.
"fuck" I muttered in frustration.
I finally got in, and immediately pulled every switch I could, killing the power.
"that's smart angel, but now I know where to find you." Dean growled as he rushed towards where I was.
I hid against the wall waiting for him. I heard him enter quietly, looking around for me.
"come on out angel, you're just making things worse for yourself." Dean growled.
I rushed over to the door, just as Dean threw the switches back, restarting the power.
"now this is me yanking your ass out of the fire." I spit slamming the door and locking him inside.
I heard Dean chuckle.
"this is your big plan, locking me in?"
"Dean, just please come with me and we can cure you." I said holding out my demon blade.
It was completely silent.
"Dean?"
I jumped in fright as Dean banged on the door, slowly splitting the wood.
"you act like I wanna be cured, personally I like the disease." Dean growled, using a hammer he found to break the door down.
"Dean stop! I don't want to use this blade on you!" I yelled holding it out further in front of my body.
"that sucks for you doesn't it angel, cause you really mean that." Dean smirked, hitting the door with the hammer again.
"Dean if you come out of that room, I won't have a choice." I whimpered, choking back tears.
"oh sure you will, and I know which one you'll make, isn't that right baby?" Dean growled smacking the door harder.
I knew the door wouldn't hold him much longer.
"I'm lucky though, cause there's just enough demon left in me that killing you, ain't gonna be a choice at all." Dean growled continuing to break the door down.
I felt the tears streaming down my face at this point. I could see the door giving way. I turned around sprinting away before it broke completely. I heard one last loud bang before the door gave way. Dean's heavy footsteps were once again behind me.
"come on angel, lets kiss and make up. I'm tired of playing let's finish this game." Dean growled.
I leaned against the wall taking a deep breath. I didn't have the strength to continue. I knew I was no match for him.
I glanced down the corridor where I thought Dean was coming from. I didn't see him though.
I turned around just in time to see a hammer flying towards my head. I ducked quickly, pushing my demon blade against Dean's throat. I could hear Dean chuckle as he looked at me, raising his hands in mock surrender.
"well, well look at you baby, go on do it." Dean growled leaning in to the knife.
I felt the tears cloud my vision as I slowly dropped the knife.
I couldn't kill him.
I watched as Dean's eyes went black. He gripped my throat throwing me against the wall before slamming me on the ground. I watched him take out the first blade, bringing it above his head.
"Dean I love you."
I closed my eyes, waiting for death to come.
But it didn't.
I opened my eyes to see Dean growling, as if he was fighting an inner battle with himself, a battle for his soul. I caught sight of Castiel sneaking up behind Dean, wrapping him in his arms. Dean growled, trying to get out of his grasp.
"Dean it's over." Cas said his eyes flashing their beautiful blue.
Dean collapsed in CastieI's arms, before I slapped the demon cuffs on him. I felt myself relax as I saw Sam rushing to my side.
****************************************************
"I'll meet you guys soon, just one thing left to do." I said holding the first blade in my hand.
"Be careful." Sam said placing a kiss on my forehead.
I gave him a nod, watching him get in the impala with Castiel and a still unconscious Dean. I sighed as they pulled away from me.
"you can stop hiding now." I called.
I saw Crowley emerge from the shadows, a smirk on his face as he eyed the blade.
"pleasure doing business with you." He spoke reaching his hand out.
I quickly pulled it out of his reach.
"what are you going to do with it?" I inquired.
"oh toss it in a volcano, leave it on the moon, i'll get creative." He laughed.
I hesitantly eyed him.
"believe me love, I don't want Dean getting his hands on the precious any more than you do. he knows I've ratted and he tends to hold a grudge....I don't want to get how you say boned."
I rolled my eyes at him.
"besides a deals a deal."
I huffed before handing the blade over to him.
"I hope you know this doesn't make us square, quite the opposite actually, I swear Crowley if I see you again.." I started but he cut me off.
"oh stop it love, no one likes a tease."
I glared at him one last time before hopping in the truck, starting the drive back to Kansas.
I felt like my head was going to explode from everything that had happened in such a short time. Dean's words replayed in my head on a continuous loop.
It wasn't him, I know that. It didn't make anything he said any less hurtful though.
It's never been you.
You see while you've been trying to find me, trying to save me, I've been fucking everything with a heartbeat.
Do you ever stop to think that just your very existence sucks the life out of my life?
I felt the tears cloud my vision, making the road harder to see. I pulled over to the side of the road and cried. I let out every emotion I'd been holding in.
I cried for Dean, I cried for what he went through. I cried for me. I cried for the strain that this was going to put on our relationship. I just cried.
I didn't know how long I'd been crying but I finally collected myself enough to start driving again. I knew that Sam and Castiel could handle Dean. I'm sure they were already back in Kansas, starting the purified blood cure on Dean.
I didn't even know if I was ready to face him again. I spilled my darkest secret to Dean, fearing that I would be dead and never having the chance to tell him.
Dean didn't kill me though.
He could have very easily, I didn't put up much of a fight.
But he didn't.
I was praying that maybe some part of him felt something for me too.
I managed to make the rest of the drive to Kansas. I pulled up to the bunker, hearing Dean growl as the demon was expelled from his body. I hesitantly walked over seeing him slumped over in a chair, much like I was hours ago. Sam injected another syringe of purified blood in to his arm.
"what the hell are we doing to him guys? I mean even after everything he said he didn't want to be cured, that he didn't want to be human." I spoke, feeling the tears that I was sure I had cried all out, start to rim my eyes once again.
"well, I can see his point, you know, only humans can feel real joy, but also such profound pain." Castiel said staring directly at me while talking about pain.
"I guess this is easier." Sam added.
I was about to respond when Dean groaned, trying to move. He raised his head, showing us his black eyes, before they returned to their shade of green.
Dean groaned hoarsely before exhaling a big breath. He looked at the three of us confused, as if everything was coming back to him.
"you look worried guys." Dean spoke up.
I could feel Dean's eyes stay on me. He stared at me intently. I just hoped I didn't look as broken as I felt.
Castiel, Sam, and I gave each other a look, all wondering the same thing. Was Dean back?
Sam uncapped the holy water throwing it on to Dean's face. I sighed with relief when he didn't have a reaction to it. Sam smiled at us. I was still a little apprehensive as was Castiel.
"Dean, we've missed you." Sam said.
Castiel and Sam unchained Dean, helping him to his feet. I felt like every word I wanted to say was stuck in my throat. Dean stared at me as the boys led him to his room. He was weak, the blood cure taking a lot out of him.
How was I even supposed to talk to him about this?
Castiel and Sam returned quickly after getting Dean settled.
"how's he doing?" I asked the boys.
"he's still a little out of it, but better. I mean I think the blood cure, all of it, it really wrecked him you know." Sam said giving me an apologetic look.
It was silent for a moment.
"on the plus side, he's hungry again so I'm going to go pick us up some food, you guys mind keeping an eye?" Sam added grabbing the keys to the impala.
I nodded my head as he walked out. Castiel was unnaturally quiet.
"what is it Cas?"
"one problem is solved, but one still remains. Dean is no longer a demon, that's true, but the mark of cain, that he still has, and sooner or later that's going to become an issue.”
I knew he was right, Castiel always was.
"one battle at a time Cas." I half smiled.
Castiel looked at me with a sad face. It was no use hiding my emotions from him because the angel always figured it out. Castiel stepped up, wrapping his arms around me in a hug. I felt a tear cascade down my cheek as I sunk in his embrace.
"I'm uh, going to get cleaned up." I whispered.
I felt every muscle in my body aching as I walked to the bathroom. I cringed when I saw my reflection in the mirror. I looked like hell.
I sported a hand shaped bruise around my throat, along with a cut from my knife. I had a gash on my head, and my face was still crimson colored from the blood. I could see various other bruises forming all over. I licked over my lip that was busted from being thrown against the wall by Dean.
I definitely looked as broken as I felt.
I sighed as I stepped in to the steady stream of water, the sound of the water slapping against my skin drowned out my sobs. I scrubbed my skin until it felt raw.
I got out wrapping the towel tightly around my body. I tiptoed past Deans room. I couldn't help my curiosity as I heard Dean and Castiel talking.
"thank you, for stepping in when you did... has uh she talked to you? what does she say, does she want anything to do with me?" Dean asked.
I could hear the hurt in his voice. It made me hurt more.
"I'm sure she knows whatever you said, whatever you did, that wasn't really you, I mean it certainly wasn't all of you." Castiel reassured.
"Cas, I tried to kill her. Did you see her? I did that! I can't take back the things I said Cas." Dean said.
"Dean I feel I can be honest with you. You two have been through so much together, you're bonded. It'll take a lot more than you trying to kill her with a hammer to get her to walk away." Castiel said.
"you realize how screwed up our lives are that, that even makes sense?" Dean says causing Cas to chuckle.
"I think you should talk to her, and then maybe you should uh take some time, allow both of you to heal."
I heard Castiel exit Dean's room, closing the door. He gave me a wordless look as he passed, signifying that his words were just as much meant for me as they were for Dean.
Castiel the wise.
Of course I couldn't walk away from Dean.
I sighed as I walked to my room, quickly throwing on some clothes. As soon as I lay in my soft bed, I realize how burnt out I was. I heard a soft knock on my door.
"yeah?" I called out hesitantly.
"it's me, the real me."
I felt the air get caught in my throat.
"come in."
Dean opened the door slowly. I could see the hurt flashing in his eyes at he looked at me. I sat up not meeting his eyes. Dean walked over, sitting on the edge of my bed.
"(y/n), I.."
"you don't have to apologize Dean, I know that wasn't you." I spoke.
"it doesn't make it any less shitty though." He said through gritted teeth.
"or hurt any less." I admitted.
Dean ran a hand through his hair in frustration. I could see that this was really hurting him.
"but you could've killed me, and you didn't, you saved me, you stopped yourself." I said finally meeting his eyes.
"I couldn't kill you. I feel for you too much, even as a demon." Dean whispered, hesitantly looking at me.
I felt my heart swell up at his words.
"what I said, it wasn't true." Dean said, sliding just a bit closer to my body.
"it's okay if part of it was, it's never been me and that's okay." I said feeling my heartache.
Dean looked at me as if I had three heads.
"never been you? It's always been you."
I felt the tears run down my cheeks as Dean put a hand up, caressing one of them.
"Dean I don't know how we move on from this." I cried.
"I don't know either, but we're going to do it, together, just like always."
I smiled at Dean for the first time.
"there's my Dean." I whispered.
Dean leaned in slowly, leaning his forehead against mine.
"did you mean what you said?" Dean asked hesitantly.
I gave him a confused look.
"that you love me, did you mean it?"
I swallowed nervously as I stared at him. I slowly nodded my head adverting my eyes from his gaze. Dean grabbed my chin, forcing me to look at him.
I gasped as Dean crashed his lips on to mine. I was shocked so naturally I was still. Once my brain processed what was happening I pressed my lips against his, kissing him as if my life depended on it. He pulled away slowly, keeping his forehead pressed to mine.
“I love you too, I always have.” Dean spoke.
I felt the tears well in my eyes again, but these tears were different. These weren’t tears of sadness, they were tears of pure love.
Dean smiled as he reconnected our lips together in a heated kiss. It was lustful, neither one of use being able to contain the passion we had felt for each other for far too long.
Dean slid his hands under my shirt, gripping on to my hips as he deepened the kiss. I was so caught up in the moment I ignored my muscles screaming at me to stop. Dean brought my shirt over my head, breaking the kiss just long enough to do so. I felt insecure as my bare chest was now exposed for him. I panted as he brought his lips down to my neck gently kissing over the bruise.
“I’m so sorry sweetheart.” Dean said in between kisses.
I grabbed the hem of his shirt taking it off. I saw the mark of cain glistening on his forearm. I brought his arm to my lips, slowly kissing over the mark. Dean pushed me back on the bed so he was hovering over me. I gasped as his hands slid there way down my body to my shorts.
It was slow and passionate. I felt like my skin was on fire every time his fingertips met my skin. Dean dragged my shorts down my legs, his fingers brushing against my sensitive heat.
I wasted no time putting my hands in his pants yanking them down over his butt and down his legs. I was surprised to feel that he was already fully erect.
“do you want this?” Dean asked kissing my lips.
“more than i’ve ever wanted anything.”
Dean, with my consent slowly slid himself in to me. I groaned as my body adjusted to his large girth. He started to move at a slow pace, savoring the feeling of finally being together so intimately.
“It’s always been you.” Dean said as he thrusted deeply.
I don’t think either of us had the energy for the sex we really wanted to have but this sex was sweet, and full of love. I moaned as Dean picked up the pace, but still savoring the feeling of every thrust inside of me. I brought my hips up matching his thrusts. I was a moaning mess as we thrusted against each other, our lips crashing with each thrust.
“Dean” I moaned signifying that I was close.
Dean thrusted some more, softly but at a steady rhythm. I moaned one last time as I felt myself spilling over the edge. I was gripping him so hard, it cause him to release his arousal too. Dean’s body gave out as he collapsed beside me.
“hey guys I got the… oh god really Dean?” Sam said dropping the bag of food and covering his eyes.
I laughed at him, joined by Dean.
“not even back twenty four hours and this is how you’re spending your time.” Sam groaned in embarrassment.
“blame Cas, he’s the one that told us we should talk.” Dean laughed.
Sam backed out of my room, shutting the door behind him. I gazed at Dean but found out he was already staring at me.
“I didn’t save you, you saved me.” Dean whispered tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.
“I’ll always save you Dean.”
“Always?”
“Always.”
Author Note:
I really hope you guys like it! If you feel so inclined please leave a heart, comment, reblog or a follow! I appreciate it!
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