#why do i always have to be the girl who loses things why is this what God has for me why can’t i just have something to hold onto

[empressofthesunwriter]

Change the Narrative

If people knew the truth, they would call her a selfish monster.

But Katara had sacrificed anything for the world, for an ungrateful husband!

This time she would always choose herself first!

Here is a little one-shot of my anger about what happened to Katara in canon.

I want to give her the end she deserves, so I hope you enjoy it!

Katara knew it was time for her to die.

She felt it in her old bones.

Alone she lay in her bed at the South Pole and watched how the snow was falling.

At least she would die seeing the beauty of her homeland.

It was a good death.

The old woman blinked tears away and tried to be positive about her nearing death.

She would see Sokka, her father, her mother and Gran-Gran again.

It was good.

She had lived a long happy life.

Something burning and unsettling spread through her chest as she thought this.

Was it a happy life?

How often did she and Aang argue over simple things?

How often did she beg him not to play favourites with Tenzin? Yes, their youngest was an airbender, but what about Bumi and Kya? They were his children too.

But no!

The Air Nomad legacy was more important than their two oldest children and their pain.

Once upon a time when she was a young girl and fantasized about the man and family one day she would have, she never would have guessed how she became the kind of mother, who didn't fight for her children.

Who didn't call out her husband for his wrongdoings?

However, she had so with Aang. Since she had met him, she always had mothered him, shielded him from things which didn't fit his narrative.

He was the Avatar, the only hope to end the war, with a track record of running away.

They couldn't lose him, so she had protected him the best she could.

And she did so to her children.

No wonder Bumi and Kya didn't even visit her and Tenzin didn't have much of a relationship with her.

Where did she go wrong in her life?

When did she become a shadow of herself in the name of love?

Why did she even choose Aang?

Was it because of Aunt Wu's prediction, she would marry a powerful bender or because she had a feeling Aang...deserved her?

He loved her and had ended the war.

Was it so bad to give him a chance?

Sadly after sacrificing her best years for him and being rewarded to die alone without her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren around her, it may have been the most stupid decision she ever made.

Spirits, was she a bad person to think that?

She loved her family, really she did, but deep down she had to admit...she wouldn't do it a second time.

Katara wouldn't sacrifice herself, her ideals, and her dreams for Aang's dream.

She had her whole life given and given and was now at the end of it rewarded with nothing.

Tears streamed down her cheeks, as she slowly closed her eyes.

Soon she would join her loved ones...

Just...

If she could...

If the spirits were so kind...

If dear Yue heard her...

She wanted a second chance.

She wanted to live a life for herself and herself alone.

Katara had given in this life all and more...was it so bad that she wished for a second chance to get it this time right?

Was she selfish?

Maybe.

Surely.

But anyone had a point in their life where they had to put themselves first.

Her only regret was that she did not realise it sooner.

Katara closed her eyes and felt the last beats of her heart.

Never noting how the moon was shining brightly down at her...

***

She felt pain in her head.

Katara hissed and touched her forehead.

Why did she get a headache?

Where was she?

She blinked to banish the shadows before her eyes.

Slowly she could see.

Ah yes.

She was outside General Iroh's tea shop in Ba Sing Se.

The waterbender had seen Aang walk out and wanted to join him.

It was high time that she gave Aang her answer about them being a couple.

She had been unsure a few days ago, but now with the war over...why shouldn't she give him a chance?

He was standing at the balustrade watching the setting sun, it was the perfect moment.

As the waterbender made her first step towards him, an avalanche of emotions and vision filled her whole being.

Katara gasped quietly, trying to make sense of this.

It was too fast and also too slow...however, she felt it in her bones...whatever she had planned kissing Aang and getting together with him...it would be the worst decision of her life!

No, she didn't want what she had seen.

How could she sell herself, her principals, and her honour for a guy?!

How could she be together with someone who would play favourites with their children?!

No, absolutely not!

Whether this was a vision from the future to save her from this faith Katara didn't know, but what she knew she wouldn't make the same mistakes twice!

So angry she walked up to Aang and tapped his shoulder.

The Avatar turned smiling towards her. He seemed so happy and hopeful and looked at her like she had hung the stars and the moon.

For a second she flatter, which only made the vision come forth again and made her anger tenfold.

Oh no!

Not with her!

"Aang.", she began. "I don't love you and I never will! Stop pestering me about us being a couple! If you don't accept my feelings I will waterwhip you do your next incarnation, do you understand me?!"

To say he was shocked was the understatement of the century. She could formally see the heartbreak in his eyes and how he tried to speak up, maybe to guilt trip her, however, she wasn't having anything of it.

"Nothing you will say and do will ever change my mind! So don't even try. I will go back with Sokka to the South Pole and rebuild my home. That's where I belong!"

Dramatically she turned around and entered the tea shop again.

The others tried their hardest to seem like they hadn't listened in, yet Katara saw through them.

She sends them all an annoyed look.

"What?!"

No one said anything for a few seconds before Toph snickered: "Oh sugar queen, I hoped you had it in you."

This makes Katara smile.

***

The next months of her life Katara rebuilt with her father and Sokka their home. 

The Nothern Watertribe had tried to turn the South into a second North, except Katara was having none of it.

As a war hero, master waterbender and daughter of the chief she used all her power to stop this chances.

She was a force of nature!

No one had a chance against her.

Her family was so proud of her and she was satisfied with herself.

Yes, this was where she belonged.

Helping people and not being the soulless, passionless arm candy of Aang!

Katara was happy.

A voice inside her told her how she deserved it.

***

A year later found Katara as ambassador for her people at the first peace summit.

She was happy seeing Zuko again, they had written to each other, yet seeing each other in person was much better.

He had become her best friend.

And her wall against Aang.

As Avatar he was at the peace summit too. Of course, he tried to talk with her. Tried to sway her, saying he missed her and wanted to be friends again.

She saw right through him. Aang still wanted her.

Thank the spirits for Zuko having her back and distracting Aang.

When they enjoyed together a cup of tea in General Iroh's tea shop she thanked him for his help.

Awkwardly he waved it away.

It was nothing.

He and Mai had broken up and the black-haired girl wasn't happy about it.

Even if she and Aang weren't exes, Zuko knew how frustrating it was to have a person follow you like a shadow and demand to be together again.

In comfort, she petted Zuko's hand and told him he did the right thing to end things with Mai.

If she couldn't accept a no was she a good girlfriend?

A little crooked smile formed on Zuko's lips, and her heart stopped for a second, as he thanked her for her words and friendships.

Then he asked her to join him in the search for his mother.

***

Being with Zuko on a life-changing field trip again was... exciting.

They still worked flawlessly together, like when they had hunted down the murder of her mother, but now they were friends.

It changed a lot of interactions.

They were playful with each other.

Zuko was the only one who ever laughed at her jokes.

They were there for each other.

In the long days when they hunted down one clue after another and Zuko seemed to lose hope, Katara reminded him to never give up.

They shared the workload.

It was amazing not mothering someone and having someone help her around camp.

They were getting closer to each other.

They shared things they never told anyone.

Zuko told her how he got his scar and Katara hugged him, wishing Aang had killed Ozai.

Wishing Ozai was before her and making him pay for hurting her best friend!

Sometimes they just stared at the stars, inventing constellations, their hands inching closer.

Something new was born between them.

Katara didn't know what it was, but she would enjoy it.

It made her feel good.

After weeks on the road, they finally found Ursa.

And also a society of hiding airbenders.

Katara couldn't help but laugh in utter glee.

***

Was it really that surprising that Katara and Zuko fell in love with each other after their journey?

When she kissed Zuko for the first time, it was like coming home. 

Warm, welcome, familair, intim.

It was the best sensation in the world.

Something inside her told her this was how it was supposed to be.

After two years of dating and being the ambassador of the Southern Water Tribe in the Fire Nation, they married.

All their friends and half of the world were invited.

Yes, even Aang.

Aang was so grateful to Katara and Zuko for having found his people and was busy with the air nomads to rebuild their society, and seemed to finally let go of Katara.

Now they really could be friends.

***

Katara of the Southern Water Tribe, master bender, war hero and Fire Lady became a living legend.

Not only the people in the Fire Nation adored her, but she used the power she wielded to make the whole world a better place.

She was the one who came up with the idea of Republic City, a place where all nations could live in harmony.

She revolutionized the art of healing with her bloodbending.

She installed fountains and aqueducts everywhere she could, so people had clean water.

Statues were built and universities, streets even neighbourhoods were named in her honour.

Katara taught new generations of waterbenders like her daughter Kya and people formally fought over to learn from the Fire Lady.

When their oldest daughter Izumi became Fire Lady, Katara and Zuko retired to Ember Island to live out their twilight years in peace.

They often had visits from their friends and families.

Their son Lu Ten, a nonbender, had married a waterbender named Mizuki and had with her five children.

So the proud grandparents helped their son and daughter-in-law raise the rascals.

It was fulfilling.

As Aang then died and was reborn as Korra from the Southern Water Tribe Katara and Zuko moved to the South to teach the new Avatar.

Korra loved Katara and Zuko like grandparents and loved hearing about their adventures.

After Korra goes to Republic City to learn airbending from one of Aang's sons he had with one of the hiding airbenders, the pair returns to Ember Island.

Zuko died a few months before her.

Katara followed him after the birth of their third great-grandchild.

Both died surrounded by their big and bustling family.

As Katara died, her oldest great-granddaughter, who was named after her held her hand, she couldn't help but feel happy.

She had lived a long and wonderful life.

Soon she would be together again with her beloved husband and her family.

And so the greatest and most beloved Fire Lady died in peace with no regrets in her heart, her story being told for thousands of years to come.

***

The Legend of Katara became a tale which young girls loved.

From a simple waterbender to a master, war hero and ruler over a nation, who changed the world only a few ever could.

It showed all girls, that they could do anything they wanted.

They could reach their goals and go even beyond.

This was Katara's legacy.

As it should have been.

If you liked this one-shot and want more Zutara, a badass OC, personal growth for Aang and the Gaang being amazing check out Yin and Yang! 

Click on my profile and leave a comment.

I hope you liked this little One-Shot!

Let’s now scream together in the comment section how Katara deserved better and if it’s not canon we will give it to her in fanon! :D

#katara #atla katara #avatar the last airbender #atla #zuko #atla zuko #prince zuko #atla zutara #zutara #zutarian #katara deserved better #zuko x katara #katara x zuko #zutara fanfiction #zutara fic #zutara forever #anti bryke #anti kataang #anti maiko #bryke critical

[elisysd]

12. Don't give me up, cause what about, what about angels

Masterlist - Previously - Next

Chapter soundtrack: What About Angels - Birdy

Charles saw you tensing after your mother’s cold greeting. He hated how you flinched as she was reminding you that being late was disrespectful towards your dad’s special day, that being away from home and in a big city had made you lose sight of the values they had taught you. But he hated even more how you simply smiled and apologized. He needed all his self control to not take your side, he knew how anxious this whole situation was making you feel, he didn’t want to make it worse by saying something he knew wouldn’t be well received.

The first thing he noticed in the house’s hall was the amount of family pictures, but instead of four people on them were only three. He recognised your mom, assumed the man beside her was your dad and when he thought he would notice you, it was instead your little brother. He couldn't be wrong, he looked exactly like you. The pictures were cut in a certain way that didn’t take him a long time to understand that you had been cut out of them. He felt a wave of rage hitting him. Why make you come here if your parents had gone to such an extent as to erase every trace of your existence? It was a twisted joke.

“You don’t even call anymore, Y/N. I knew it would happen, I’ve always said that being in a world full of sparks and empty promises would change you. You’re too gullible. You don’t even have time for your own family anymore. Not that you ever had.”

“You’ve never tried to ask questions about my job…” you mumbled as Charles put a comforting hand on your hip.

“I don’t need to. I know exactly what you do, you’re the talk of the town. The small town girl made it to the TV. There is no reason to be proud, playing a pretty face on tv… that is not what I raised you to be. And now you’re associating yourself with fair-weather friends…” she said, darting judgmental eyes on Charles. “I know exactly who you are.”

He didn’t have the time to reply as your dad entered the room and sat on the chair without a word. You sat too, Charles close to you as your mom joined your dad’s side. 

“How nice it is to finally see you alive.” he said, making you gulp.

“I’m Charles, your daughter’s boyfriend. Nice to meet you.” he introduced himself in a desperate attempt to drive the conversation away from you and the relieved sigh you let out made him think that you appreciated it. 

Lunch was awkward, punctuated with snarky comments here and there that you tried your best to ignore. Charles was trying to do the same but it was getting harder and harder for him to keep his calm. But it was when cake was brought that resentment and unspoken words finally came out in the open. You had taken your phone out of your pocket, wanting to show your parents all the beautiful landscapes you had the chance to witness. 

“Aren’t you ashamed?” your mom muttered.

“Why?” you turned your head to look at her in disbelief.

“Ashamed of following the sport that killed your brother. Ashamed of being with the man responsible for his death.” she sternly said.

You felt like a million daggers stabbing your heart all at once. You took a deep breath, putting your hand on his thigh, squeezing it lightly to indicate to him  not to react. It was something you had to do alone.

“F1 and Charles didn’t kill Luc, it was his leukemia, not anything else.” you replied, feeling a lump in your throat.

“If you had not introduced your brother to that stupid sport, he wouldn’t have been a fan and his illness wouldn't have turned that bad so quickly. He wasn’t talking about anything else than that sport and you. Until his very last breath. His last words were about Formula 1. It took my baby away from me and this is your fault. Both of you.” she finished, turning to Charles this time.

“If I can add something… I know I have no right to comment on this situation but even if I understand your pain, Y/N is not the one to blame. She…” Charles started, quickly shutted up by your dad.

“You’re right, you have no right to say a  thing. You don’t know what it is like to lose a son.”

“Maybe I don’t, yeah. But I know exactly what it feels like to lose a parent. I understand your pain. Truly. But with all due respect, you’ve already lost a son, you should be more careful to not lose a daughter by pushing her away and making her feel like a stranger in her own family.”

“We’ve already lost her the minute she decided to not show up at the funeral.” your mom spitted, making you close your eyes, trying to not cry. You wouldn’t give that pleasure to your parents.

“I think it’s best if we leave. It was a bad idea to come here, anyway.” you ended up saying, standing up, Charles following you. “You shouldn’t have invited me in the first place, if it was to treat me that way.”

You took Charles’ hand in yours and dragged him out of what had been once your safe place. Without a word you made your way to his car and rushed inside and it was only when the door was closed and that he had taken place behind the wheel that you broke down. He didn’t hesitate to pull you on his lap and let you cry on his shoulder, holding you tight.

“It’s okay, babe… you’re okay. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. You don’t have to feel bad, you have nothing to feel bad about. If you were believing your mom’s lies, I understand why you were so mean to me at the beginning now.”

“She is not entirely wrong, you know.” you sniffed in his neck. “At least about one thing, I should’ve been there for Luc’s funeral. But it was too hard for me. I didn’t want to face the fact that I would never see him again. I didn’t want to make the nightmare I was in real. because if I was going, it would happen exactly that. It would have made the pain real and permanent. I couldn’t.”

You put your forehead against his, trying to find a way to ground you. Charles drew small patterns on your hips, comforting you the best he could. 

“Let’s get some fresh air, okay?” he whispered against your ear.

You got out of the car and hand in hand you started to wander the streets of your childhood, telling him anecdotes and facts of any buildings and streets you were walking on and seeing.

“Tell me about Luc.” 

“What do you want to know?” 

“Everything. Whatever you want. Whatever you feel comfortable sharing with me.”

“He was passionate. About many things. History and art mostly. He wanted to work in a museum. And passionate about F1 of course. He knew a lot of mechanical stuff, more than I did. He taught me as much as I did, I swear. Maybe more. I was spending my weekends at the hospital with him to watch the races. When he was hospitalized, it was what kept him going. It was our thing, you know. Wait, I think I have a picture to show you.”

She took a photo out of her wallet and gave it to him. If he didn’t know it was a hospital room, he would have had a hard time guessing it. Everywhere were Ferrari and monegasque flags as well as a lot of merch. He was recognising one of his caps on the bedside table. Posters of his podiums were hung on the walls, his Monza’s win right above Luc’s head. Small replicas of his trophies were there too as well as miniatures of his helmets.

“A real fan.” he smiled.

“The best.” you sighed. “ You don’t know how happy he was when you won in Monza. It brought so much joy in his life. Even if it wasn’t for long. It was a tough time, he had just started to get hospitalized, he was very sick and pale and the shell of what he once was. And suddenly, he was feeling a little more alive. Because of you. Then, time went by and I had to leave for New York. It was the toughest decision I had to make in my life. At some point I was ready to take a year off so I could be with him…” 

“What made you change your mind?”

“Him. With time my dream became his. He wouldn’t have forgiven me if I was giving it all up because he was sick. He was talking about how amazing it would be if I was interviewing you. I bet he is the happiest up there.” you smiled, looking up. “One of his dreams was to meet you.”

“Maybe it is not too late?” Charles hesitantly said and you looked at him curiously. “Is he buried here?”

You nodded and he felt you stiffened.

“I've never been on his grave.” you confessed after a moment of silence. “It’s too hard and too painful to go there alone.”

“Good thing you’re not alone anymore, then.”

As you were making your way to the graveyard, Charles had to hold you closer to his chest with each step you were taking. You sobs were getting louder and your legs were shakier. It was breaking his heart, trying to see how much you were trying to keep it together.

When you finally reached the grave, at the back end of the graveyard, you fell on your knees in front of the black grave. Luc hated black. A black and white picture of him was also in the middle of the gravestone. It made you shiver. It was well kept, your parents were coming often. The lump in your throat had not gone away in the slightest, it was even bigger now, making you choke up on your own saliva. Charles wanted to hold you, wanted to get you out of here. The emotional devastation you were in was making him want to join you on the ground and cry with you. But he also knew you needed it. It was the closure you needed to move forward. He took a few steps away, giving you privacy.

“I’m so sorry, Luc. So sorry. Sorry about how I wasn’t there for you when you needed me most, sorry to have let you down, sorry to not have stepped up and measured up when I should have, sorry to not have been the sister you deserved. There is not a day that goes by when I don’t regret not being by your side. There are so many things that I should have done differently, so many things that I feel guilty about but none of them compare to how guilty I feel to not have said goodbye. I acted like a coward and I know how much you felt scared about dying. And how I promised you I would hold your hand until the end. I didn’t. I chickened out and I failed you. If I could go back in time, I would, just so I could look into your eyes one last time and hold your hand tight. I wouldn’t hesitate. I would trade anything for one last smile of yours. I hope you can forgive me, I sure can’t do that alone. But despite everything I’m happy and I’m not sure I should be. I fell in love and you would be ecstatic to know who I share my life with. He is supportive and kind and perfect for me. I wish we would have had enough time so you could have met him. But maybe after all, it’s you I should thank. Maybe it’s you who sent Charles on my way. Maybe it is your way of telling me that you are not mad at me. That you want me to be happy. If only you could give me a sign. I just want you to know that everything I do, I do it for you. Because I love you. Forever.”

You felt Charles’ arms around your shoulders as he crouched down beside you.

“Hey, Luc. I know we don’t know each other but your sister talks about you so much that I feel like I already know you. I would have loved to meet you, I know how big of a fan you are of F1. I would have loved to show you around the paddock, maybe I would have let you sit in my car. Anything to make you and your sister smile. You are brave and strong and I have nothing but pure admiration for you. I wish I could have met you. Don’t worry about your sister, I take good care of her and I don’t want to let go of her. I’m here for her for as long as she lets me but I hope it is a forever kind of thing.” he whispered as you looked at him with big and glossy eyes.

He helped you stand up, asked if you were alright and if you wanted to leave. He didn’t mind staying but he wanted to make sure you were alright, the day had been emotionally draining enough. When you nodded, he took you in his arms, engulfing you in his jacket so you weren’t cold and kissed the top of your head as you headed out.

“I’m so proud of you. So proud.” he said as you finally reached his car.

“Thank you. For being there. I don’t think I would have been able to do it alone.”

“You’re the strongest person I know. You would have done it at some point.”

“Did you mean it? What you said up there… About us being forever.” you shyly asked.

“I’m sorry it was not the best time to say it. But to answer you, I do. I’m not kidding, Y/N, I swear I can’t explain it. I don’t know how either but I just know. You’re the love of my life.”

Author's note: In laws meeting incoming... how do you think it will turn out? .

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#charles leclerc 16 #formula 1 #writing #fiction #f1 fanfic #f1 fic #f1 x oc #charles leclerc fanfic #cl16 #scuderia ferrari #ferrari #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc f1 #charles leclerc fic #f1 x reader #cl16 x reader #driver x reader #charles leclerc imagines #charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc x female reader #charles leclerc x you #charles leclerc

[nereidprinc3ss]

i know we’re all excited for part 4 coming and ofc I don’t want you to get overwhelmed but i was wondering if we could have Spencer’s POV?

in one of the scenarios, he stated that he was in falling in love for reader and it has been noticeable that he has gotten laid with more/other women in the past.

i would like to know more about how was spencer as a lover back in that time like how he felt after s*x and stuff, like a flashback or something and how his relationship with reader has changed him, his own perspective. BUT ofc, you don’t have to if you don’t want to. it’s all good if you choose to ignore this; ily. thanks for always feeding us. we love being your children💗💗

hi love i actually do have headcanons for dybmn!spence’s romantic/sexual history and idk if they’re ever going to fit into that series but i’d be happy to share them here!!

18+ under the cut/season 8 spoilers barely

so basically in my head he loses his virginity to elle greenaway (DUH) and they actually have a little bit of a relationship but the dynamic isn’t quite right because she’s going through all her own shit and at that time of spencer’s life it’s more simple for him. like she’s his first everything and he’s super in love with her but she is older and more experienced and really cares for him but knows for a lot of reasons that this wide eyed rose tinted view he has of her and their idealized relationship is never going to work out. #ILOVEELLEGREENAWAY but anyway they are never exclusive and in the dybmn universe i think he doesn’t necessarily SLEEP w lilah archer but they hook up in that pool beyond just making out mwaha but he’s just a little guy like he’s not CHEATING on elle because they’re not exclusive but she realizes she’s way too into him and that actually ends up figuring into why she leaves the BAU like yes it’s everything with her trauma too but that’s part of it because she knows she can’t sustain that relationship and being much older than him she’s the responsible party so yeah. i also think that time he visits her hotel room was maybe the last time they hooked up

after that i think he kind of develops a pattern of sleeping with women who are older/more experienced than him because he’s just used to being around older people anyway and he feels he can relate to them better and im imagining this is like seasons 2-4 spencer so it’s him and a bunch of hot 30-40 year old women (and probably men) and he’s just like a slut honestly like he’s really easy because he desperately craves affection and validation and i’d say he continues slutting himself out in that way for many seasons, but slowly with people who are more his age, probably until like around season 8 when he meets maeve and then all that shit happens and he kinda is just not into sex or romance for a long while. and i think after that he occasionally will hook up w someone but his main slut era was like seasons 2-6. (it slowed down when his migraines started but did not stop because he’s unstoppable) (he also may have had an actual relationship during this season 7 period in my mind. idk why i just sense there was someone before maeve. no i will not be providing reasoning season 7 spencer just looks like he has a girlfriend)

anyway. the number of bodies that man has is unknown. it may be a number so high we can’t conceive of it. he’s a capital doubleyew Whore unfortunately. but he’s rlly reigned it in by the time he meets reader which can be whenever you want but i picture it as being anywhere from season 9-14. and i think by the time he meets her he really is like basically celibate. like he hasn’t been with anyone by choice for a long while by the time he meets her. he is a retired slut if you will.

saliently i don’t think he ever does anything with jj. that is a purely imaginative thing for him and he lowkey has a madonna whore complex about her. i don’t think he was ever really in love with her he just loved the idea of the pretty blonde girl loving him back. but that is a whole other thing. and he’s way over it when he meets reader.

n e way those r just my silly thoughts. like i said i don’t think i’m ever gonna fit this into the actual narrative but yeah that’s what ive been imagining!!

#asks #ramblings

[xbomboi]

misc. bribelle thoughts

prefacing this by saying bribelle is my favorite ship. actually might be one of my favorite all time ships considering whenever i catch 11:11 i make a tweet on my priv twitter saying “11:11 bribelle and rarijack” because i’m insane.

anywho…

i think it’s a lot easier to justify saying faybelle potentially has feelings for briar in a canon context because even aside from her diary, her behavior in epic winter can most definitely be read with flirtatious undertones, especially after witnessing the dream sequence

but i’m always trying to justify things to myself in accordance to canon without feeling ooc, because i’m the type of creative who would rather write my own original thing than make alterations to a pre-existing work. that’s just me.

and briar is trickier to do so with. in the show alone, she only actually verbally responds to faybelle once and it’s a line that also adds exposition. “but it’s forbidden!” girl come on throw faybelle a bone at least…

by epic winter, i’d say briar could potentially have had surface level attraction to faybelle, but it isn’t until having that dream and probably especially post-epic winter when she’d get time to actually reflect on it that she’d start to develop palpable feelings for her.

i’ve kinda noticed something about briar: she likes attention. i guess she’s kinda like faybelle in that respect.

briar grew up with neglectful parents. fill in the blanks. why wouldn’t she want attention when she lacks it properly from the two most important people in her life?

along this line of thinking, briar especially values explicit displays of affection, particularly from a potential romantic partner.

so, regrettably, let’s look at her relationship with hopper.

i.e. briar’s behavior in the webisode “Here Comes Cupid.”

when she first confronts hopper about his unconventional advances, she’s disinterested and borderline repulsed.

but after hearing him profess his love via the recording, she’s taken aback and actually grows endeared.

until this BAFOON fumbles the bag and does some really creepy shit by leaning into her personal space and calling her hot. understandably, this miffs briar and she once again loses interest.

(side note, too many people ignore how blatantly creepy hopper is to women, ESPECIALLY briar. he needs to be held accountable, not rewarded by getting the girl.)

even then, despite not necessarily returning his affections, she’s somewhat comfortable in the status quo that he devotes his attention to her. which is exactly why i think in bunny’s diary (bunny is wrong btw she doesn’t know a damn thing so idk why the one wiki that’s not the official wiki list hopper as briars crush when the source is bunny’s word like fuck all) bunny mentions observing briar appearing disappointed when ginger asks hopper to the dance and he accepts.

to briar, it’s like she’s losing one of the few things she’s familiar with, the few constants in her life. in this case, her only plausible option who she’d have reason to believe would accept. and we all know how briar is about losing things.

briar sorta settles into this state of fondness towards hopper’s affections, despite them being unrequited. because at least he gives a damn about her.

faybelle—at least, outside of her diary and up until epic winter—might as well be any villain; faybelle just wants to cause chaos for the sake of ruining somebody’s day. and i don’t think briar likes it that way.

i’d assume around the time of faybelle’s introduction to the series, briar’s stance would be one of upset towards faybelle, believing she doesn’t take their story as seriously as she(briar) does. that her role in sleeping beauty isn’t as important to her as being evil in general.

i have half the mind to say that this could potentially be read from briar’s behavior in faybelle’s diary.

first off, that underlining wasn’t added; the underlines are in the official print. meaning briar is putting emphasis on those words specifically. sure it’s a lesson to faybelle about not being an asshole, but also it reflects on briar in a way. like it could be her saying, “you’re supposed to be my villain, but you act like i’m no different to you than anyone else.”

now, this next part is obviously a surface-level gag about faybelle making a malicious act seem so thrilling, but if we close our eyes and pretend that we’re in a different world called I.D.G.A.F. dimension, we can now analyze this in a different light.

briar’s confused by faybelle’s verbal expression of almost-affection. it doesn’t help that she’s most definitely barely awake. but i’m willing to say her confusion is partially born out of actually having heard faybelle say such a thing. it’s gotta be surprising and hard to believe in that moment, because briar has every reason to think otherwise.

in the show, like i said, faybelle just does whatever the fuck. open a sweat shop? sure why not. assist her peer’s mom in attempting to turn the entire world into her own dictatorship? count her in. make a deal with the mafia? just a regular tuesday. but god forbid she focus on being the one to make the sleeping happen in sleeping beauty.

i think that irks briar. or at least make her generally act indifferent when faybelle comes waltzing around to do god knows what; if she won’t care, why should briar, right?

then there’s epic winter. or, as i like to call it in bribelle terms, “they finally fucking interacted”

when briar explains faybelle’s inclusion of herself to crystal, she simply says it’s her thing and cites the sleeping beauty story. like “hey crystal this is my villain btw, trust.”

later when briar’s yapping about the story, some may say it’s counterproductive in relation to briar’s arc that ashlynn brings up the miserable part of it only for briar to talk fondly of it, but i know briar personally, and have been filled in as to what the truth is.

briar dropped that attitude because faybelle was there. she started talking up the story, almost as a cue to faybelle, like “hey remember how you’re like a big part of my life’s purpose???”

faybelle butts in about it. and briar doesn’t get the chance to respond, but i think she was almost expecting faybelle NOT to gaf, so her doing so threw her off just a little. maybe she expected to hear something like “who cares?” instead.

then of course when they get to the castle briar’s little act is dropped and her deep fear of the sleeping beauty destiny is once again present. and of fucking COURSE that’s when faybelle decides to CARE ABOUT THEIR STORY.

listen to me, LISTEN. briar looks at faybelle BEFORE faybelle actually says “no, there’s another room far more important to our story. isn’t there, briar?” she looks at her BEFORE she actually talks. she was looking to see if she’d react, then when faybelle does speak she looks away, then she bumps her to get her attention so briar has to fight the adhd and lock in.

and faybelle just keeps instigating which honestly kinda takes briar out of her typical sulking over her destiny mood and more of like ‘what is your game here exactly’ mindset.

there’s so much to that look briar gives her. so many emotions in there.

after this they go up and faybelle taunts some more only for briar to almost actually prick her finger yada yada. and like i said, it’s a lot easier to understand faybelle’s pov. it’s very clear she doesn’t actually wanna go through with cursing briar, teasing and all. she makes as much obvious by her reaction alone when briar gets too close.

but once briar’s fine she’s like ‘yeah, okay, back to normal,’ meanwhile briar is kinda just done because faybelle is acting a fool. but she never shoves faybelle off of her unlike she did when hopper intruded on her boundaries huh briar why is that what’s that about briar still, briar has yet to have any indication from faybelle about how she actually feels in regards to their story and her role in it. or how it pertains to their relationship with each other. rather, faybelle doesn’t take it seriously much to briar’s chagrin.

then the dream sequence happens.

to me, this is the turning point.

it’s a stupid music video for an insert song, but goddamnit it confirmed darabella and even hunter got to be there with ashlynn so i’ll die standing on business.

this is what briar’s been waiting for from faybelle. that frenemy status is something i think briar wants to figure out which one to see faybelle as, depending on how she really wants to proceed with the story. and i’d say faybelle surprises her; hell, she even shows her a side of her rarely seen.

like with hopper, an outward display of affection such as this is something briar is drawn to. faybelle’s display towards briar in the dream sequence is something briar would be endeared by, as she goes out of her way to prevent her from experiencing the very thing she’s been dreading for so long. that’s gotta fit briar’s love language.

side note, i think it’s very very interesting to note that faybelle is the one to swoop in and save briar in this case, without any other characters present to show a significance in the ending of the story. i say this because hunter gets to be in ashlynn’s sequence and the bears are in blondie’s, despite none of them being in the tower asleep. all this is to say, if briar really did have feelings for hopper or really was gonna end up with him or some guy, they’d be there, right? but nope, just faybelle. I Understand.

after that we don’t really see them interact at all again, but there’s the general disdain for faybelle’s actions as a shared sentiment amongst the others. either way, by the end she shows remorse and seemingly ends on good terms with everyone, meaning i don’t see why briar wouldn’t be left thinking about the dream, seeing her in a whole new light. honestly briar would probably be kinda intrigued by the idea of the bad girl having a soft side for her. briar and i actually spoke about this the other day.

either way, this is briar learning that despite the general ignorance faybelle portrayed, she actually does care about her.

faybelle demonstrating, proving to briar that she is capable of showing affection and actually does care for her is what i think is enough for briar to begin to start falling. (which is kinda reflected in how i approached their relationship in fable fest.)

because briar knows there might actually be something there.

or maybe it’s a kid’s cartoon and one girl mean other one nice, idk.

#guess how many mental illnesses i have #2 digit number #that’s an exaggeration #point still stands #i cry when i think about bribelle #eah #ever after high #briar beauty #faybelle thorn #bribelle #briar x faybelle #briar and faybelle #ramble #duncontent #i’m half asleep so i pray i hope i don’t wake up going “who let me post this!”

[mahiiragi]

I find it so funny when people say zutara fans are delusional or that Zuko was never an option for Katara and that kataang was always going happen... I mean, yes, kataang was probably always going to happen at the end of the day since Aang is Bryke's favorite and they have a "soft spot" for kataang (do you ever wonder why he resembles Michael DiMartimo in The Leyend of Korra? And by "soft spot" I mean they are die hard fans more immature than Aang seeing the Boy in the Iceberg, they got to the point of making a whole ass video mocking the ship and the children who liked it out of spite because zutara had fans in the first place and some kids didn't want Aang to end up with his "forever girl") and they have the final word for what goes in the avatar franchise.

Subparagraph to say that everytime I remember that Bryke made a video mocking zutara fans I lose my mind. What are you, grown ass adults, doing ridiculizing kids for a fictional couple that wasn't even canon and was not ever going to be canon because you, creator of the show, had the power to decide that? Don't you see how stupid and frankly evil and mean-spirited it is? Focus on developing your ship so it can have more fans instead; show us how Katara sees him as an equal, someone who she can share her burdens with, how she sees him through pink lens, how she decides to be with Aang because she chose it instead of just some "destiny" bullshit, how he challenges her and promotes her growth, how he supports her in her sorrows instead of being mostly the other way around, how Katara doesn't stop being Katara after she got together with Aang, HOW DID SHE LET AANG NEGLECT HER KIDS??

But people can't say zutarians are just "seeing things" or that it undeniably was never an option when there is a lot of official content implying Zuko and Katara as a couple and it was discussed in the very own writers room if Katara would end up with Zuko or Aang because many writers liked zutara (probably the reason we have too many winks at the ship in the show, books and promotional material in the first place) and it doesn't say anything to you that half of the fandom likes the "ship with no content" or the one that was created "out of the air" more than the one we see since ep 1??? Hint: it isn't because people are delusional, as Bryke said that one time: "Zuko and Katara may have shared some sparks"

Even my fifty-one year old mother likes zutara I swear to god. She saw both atla and tlok and thought zutara had a lot of potential and preferred kataang as a strong platonic relationship.

#zutara #anti bryke #anti aang #i love aang i swear but i have a love hate relationship with kataang #kataang deserved a better development #zutara fans don't deserve to be ridiculized

[oxpogues4lifexo]

Full Kook - Part 1

A Protective/Sweet/Obsessive/Possessive!Rafe&JJ Fanfic

Warnings: Mentions of drugs, Alcohol, Language, SA, Abuse, Sex. Anything I missed Lmk.

Word count: 1765

Summary of Part 1: Introduction of the main three characters, told by the one and only JJ Maybank.

JJ's Pov:

Bella Elizabeth Brooks.

The Princess of Kildare. With a heart of gold and the face of an angel. The girl everyone wants to be or be with. And the only person to disagree with that.. herself.

Bella grew up on The Cut with no mum, a father but no dad, and barely any friends. Despite the idolisation, everyone has always avoided her, and that's for one reason and one reason alone - Thomas Brooks.

The man who created the island's untouchable sweetheart.

There's reasons for it, that only the Pogue's side of the island understand. Whereas, for Figure Eight? Let's just say Tom has a good friend who keeps his status well-worded.

Don't get me wrong, Tom is THE most respected man in the OBX; works for everyone, always knows how to put smiles on their faces, and never has a bad thing to say about anything or anyone.

Well, that all goes out the window when it comes to Bella. I mean who wouldn't throw that all away if they had a daughter like her? But it definitely all changed when the whole fiasco with her mum came out last year. (14 years prior her mum passed. Her dad.. I'll save that for later). But it completely ruined everything for the both of them; everyone stopped wanting Thomas to take their jobs meaning they were losing a lot of money, and Thomas didn't want Bella having anything to do with anyone, as they all started spreading rumours about her, so he pulled her out of school.

Luckily the news only went around The Cut. So, ever since last Summer, Bella and Tom have been working up on the North side, taking jobs from anywhere they can like the Island Club or even just small things like mowing people's lawns. To be fair if I was getting paid that much, l'd do anything for them too. It helps that their family friend is only THE richest man on the island, so it makes surviving that little bit easier.

The Brooks had to start over from rock bottom, again, but they've managed to get themselves back to where they were. Everyone has started to move on from the situation, but now it was Thomas' turn. Which leads me back to why Bella doesn't like her life, despite having almost everything.

Her parents are Kooks, grew up on Figure Eight, best friends with Ward and Mary Cameron (before she left). Tom and Ward were inseparable since the day they met in Middle School, then meeting Mary and Elizabeth (Bella's mum) in High School, as they were cheerleaders for their football games.

However, Thomas suffered with mental illness since he was a little boy, and it slowly grew worse over the years. It meant that taking care of himself was bad enough, so being in a relationship with Eli would be extremely difficult. But, Elizabeth and Ward were what he needed as a distraction from everything else, so he stayed.

Taking us to 17 years ago (7 years later), when Eli found out she was pregnant and began to focus on that instead, something clicked in Tom's head. Almost like flipping a switch. Eli wasn't enough to make his thoughts go away anymore and Ward was now busy with Cameron Development so he turned to alcohol as a last resort. He wanted to move to The Cut to see if starting over would help him to get better but in-fact it did the opposite.

Around when Bella was 2, Eli and Thomas got into a huge argument over his drinking problem and how it was affecting their daughter’s life. One thing led to another and.. (I think you can piece it all together by now.)

The problem was, Tom is the sweetest man to exist, but when he lashes out he's a completely different person, even to himself. Afterwards, he doesn't remember a thing as if it was someone else inside his body. So him and Bella thought nothing of it; ignoring whenever he had an ‘episode’ (what they started to call it as he began to switch up more often and had no recollection of it after).

When Ward found out, he realised how distant he'd been; bailed Tom out and sent him to rehab.

This is where I come in.

At the time, Thomas, Ward, Mike, Bobby, and my dad, Luke, were all friends. They all were aware of Tom's mental health but never knew what happened that night (other than Ward) and they made sure to keep it that way.

Bella stayed with me and my dad for about two weeks before Thomas gave up on rehab. He believed that as long as he had Bella and he stopped drinking, he'd be okay. Ward didn't want to admit it, but he didn't trust Tom with his own daughter, especially when he was still grieving, so all of his friends would be over every night to 'check up on him'; they'd gamble, watch football, spend time with me and Bella (and an occasional Sarah and Rafe if Mary was busy).

Whatever it took to distract Thomas from his own mind.

Bella grew up surrounded by people; as we grew older and went to school, meeting new people was on the top of our list. Because of my dad, I practically lived at the Brooks house, so when Bella and Tom started going to Tannyhill for the weekends, I had to fill in the time. That's when I met John B. Then Kiara, then Pope. Bella, on the other hand, wasn't good at making friends, her dad was very picky with who she could surround herself with so she settled for me, Rafe and Sarah. The people he knew.

Rafe and Sarah began to visit the Brooks with Ward and so, even though I was quite sceptical about the whole ‘Kooks befriending Pogues thing’, I had no choice but to do so. The Camerons are the only reason, me, Bella and Tom have a good life so tolerating them is my way of thanking them.

Sarah ditched Bella for Kiara during High School before ditching Kie aswell (I don't know what happened, don't ask, the look I get when I ask is like I just murdered a whole family of turtles). This led the visitings to stop however, and they only saw each other once a week. The weekend stays were cut to a Friday dinner at most and so Bella and Rafe grew apart.

Bella was left with me and her dad. And then because of the whole information outbreak last year, she lost everything else. Thomas has worked his ass off to give her everything he can and she appreciates every part of it. She always tells him that she'd be happy living in a cardboard box as long as she had me and him, but it never stopped him from trying to give her the world.

But trust me, she meant it.

Anywho. The good news after that shitshow of a trauma dump that doesn't actually belong to me but to my gorgeous best friend, is that because of Bella and her dad working at the Island Club so much, her and Rafe reunited and are now as close as ever.

Gross, gag me..

Joking I can't say that.

He's sat right beside me smoking a J with me whilst Bella's asleep on the other side of the L -shaped couch.

Me. Rafe. Bella.

The ‘Famous Trio’ of Kildare Island. I'm not going into another lecture but let me just say that we are the most well known people in the OBX right now. Rafe's the heartthrob of the Kooks, me? I'm the Pogues equivalent of course, and Bella's the beauty that came from the beast (Her dad, get it? No? Okay..) and we're all somehow friends.

Everyone on the island thinks we’re this weird throuple because of how close we all are to one another but we're actually so far from it.

Okay that was a lie.. to Bella there's absolutely nothing between us. But me and Rafe? GOD we fawn over Bella whenever we get the chance. And what makes it even harder to ignore is the fact that we know it'll never happen.

It's not that we want to sleep with her or anything, it's actually quite the opposite. We love that she likes us outside of that. That's what gets us the most, (other than the way she looks but that's a given), that she cares about us. And even through everything she'd never leave.

Bella Brooks is for life. And me and Rafe are never ever letting her go. That's a promise.

"Hm look.." Rafe lifts his phone to meet my eyes with the proudest grin on his face, a picture of Bella taking up the screen. It was a photo he took of her earlier today at the club whilst she was beating Topper at golf. Rafe taught her and she was quick to learn; he enjoys watching Topper's expressions when he loses to a 'beginner' when in reality she gets private lessons.

I watch the picture, as if it were a video waiting to load. My eyes widen, not being able to fix on only one area.

"Right..?" He chuckles, eyeing the photo himself, tracing every inch of it. Bella bent over, ass hanging out her shorts, and chest slightly exposed over her crop top as her arm is swung to hit the ball. Hair pulled back in a ponytail, held secure in one of Rafe's hats, showing off her whole face.

His eyes glare at me, eyebrows furrowed, now impatiently waiting for a response wondering if he should've shared the photo with me at all. "Send it to me.." I mumble, taking a glance at the Bella laying under a blanket across from us.

I always feel guilty about the way we ogle at her, like some toy we can play with, but we simply just think she's the most beautiful girl we've laid our eyes on. We don’t mean anything by it we just like to let her know.

He laughs passing me the joint, "Knew we were friends for a reason.."

Jealousy doesn't exist between me and Rafe; we know that Bella wouldn't choose between us and she loves us both equally so we have no reason for there to be any tension. Although I can't lie, I do get a little pissed when I see the way he looks at her. Because I know he sees her differently to me, he sees a sparkle somewhere in her that I haven't yet found and he's digging further for it with every interaction. I also know that he has a better chance with her, as me and Bella grew up together, meaning if we ever tried dating it would ruin everything we've worked for.

And Rafe knows that..

Alternative intro to my other one (pinned)

Let me know which you’d prefer to read more of x

Thank you for reading ❤️

#jj maybank #rafe cameron #jj obx #rafe obx #jj outer banks #rafe outer banks #obx #outer banks #drew starkey #jj imagine #rafe imagine #rafe cameron imagine #jj maybank imagine #rudy pankow #oc #rafe x oc #jj x oc #outerbanks rafe #outerbanks jj #rafe fanfiction #jj fanfiction #rafe fic #jj fic

[silenthillbunni]

._.

#no to be mean but sometimes i just dont have the energy to make myself like reply to ppl nd try to interact #continiously ppl block me bc i dont reply fast enough or etc etc #nd it's just like damn i tried just to get blocked???? 🥴🥴🥴 #also funny thing in my experience it's mostly girl mutuals who lose patience nd block me #hmmm inchresting 🧐 #anyway im wording this clumsily but like im just so exhausted nd my heart's tired #im tired of building some sort of light online attachment to someone #just to feel crushed when i notice they've blocked me nd i dont even know why??? #also wanna be clear that im referring to ppl i've talked to. not just interactions. sksks 🥴 #i know not everyone will block me nd i know there r nice ppl here but like i dont have the energy to sort thru it all #or take chances bc im tired 😭😭 #i feel bad bc there r ofc very kind ppl who reach out to me nd stuff but in my bones im dejected #like what if i actually do start talking nd i start feeling affinity to u nd slight healthy attachment nd then boom one day u block me??? #i feel mean nd oversensitive complaining abt this but idk 😣 #i liked this mutual nd talking to them but they blocked me nd idk whyyyy what did i do i always do smth y'all gotta fill out a form telling #maybe if i had irl friends i wouldnt care tho im aware im a loser

[kkujo]

something i don't see people talking about is the way hyperfixations come in like stages and cycles like it's not just "i'm obsessed with this thing" it's like. euphoria from finding something new and it brings you so much joy and then as that initial dopamine rush wears off you start to get more and more down and feel isolated as you start to realise that no one else cares about it as much as you do and you feel silly for being so into it and the thoughts become repetitive and boring so you get more and more depressed and lonely and then you inevitably lose the hyperfix which leaves you drifting feeling miserable and hopeless until you start the cycle again. idk if i explained this well or if other people will understand but it brings genuine phases of euphoria and straight up depression and this is why i get annoyed when neurotypicals use words like hyperfixation to describe like, an interest. bc it's not. just an interest it becomes who you are and when you lose it it's like losing yourself and you spend so much energy thinking about it that it interrupts your daily life and it's so fucking draining 👍

#like if i see one more nt being like hyperfixation this hyperfixation that SHUT UP!! YOU HAVE AN INTEREST #talk to me when you stay up until 6am every night bc you can't fucking sleep bc ur thinking about it. #talk to me when you can't process emotions in a normal healthy way because you can only relate it back to your hyperfix #paired w madd especially it's IMPOSSIBLE to be normal about shit i swear 2 god because the second i'm upset or lonely it's straight back to #immersing myself in another world and being someone else and not facing my emotions instead letting 'someone else' deal with them #not just negative emotions yk it's anything it's fully immersive to the point i end up not knowing exactly who i am myself bc i'm rarely #myself in my head yk #and it's so isolating #and this is why i get mad when people use these terms lightly bc they don't fucking get it #oh you're hyperfixated? oh you're delusional? you're delulu? watch this #< guy who has delusions that all of his friends secretly hate him bc he's too insane abt xyz media and who feels alone bc no one else is as #into it even though it wouldn't be reasonable to expect them to be #like i'm constantly questioning whether all my friends are secretly against me & finding me annoying anytime i talk about it but it's fine #it's so fucking isolating #i'm not losing my hyperfix yet thank god but i am in the stage of like realisation where the initial euphoria has worn off and i'm like #fuck no one else gets it. no one else is thinking about it like i am. and it's so lonely #< like not to sound like 'i'm 14 and no one gets me' or i'm not like other girls or whatever 😭 #it's not me being dramatic i genuinely. know that no one else is spending every waking moment thinking about the things i am the way i do #and it's so incredibly depressing i can't even explain it in a way that will make sense #because i want to talk about it so fucking bad and i can't. even to my friends and gf who always listen i end up feeling annoying #and then i get genuinely delusional not like tiktok girl voice delulu like i genuinely start questioning my entire reality #just if i talk about something a little too much #bc i'm convinced i'm fucking annoying and no one gets it and they're thinking bad things about me #but i know they wouldn't. but it feels like they are #idk #anyways !

[beautifel]

seems like my heart does nothing but break lately

#oh my god dont read the tags. it breaks for everyone :( but on a more personal level #for my gf whos sinking deeper into something n i cant even help bc im a wreck myself but i am so so scared to lose her #still havent even been able to book a psych appointment n i rlly dont know where to go with all these ..em*tions #Guys i rlly dont understand one thing. how come one random freak whos in ur life at some point can derail a whole person like eons later #jeopardise their whole future just by crossing some lines for funz i really dont understand this #not fair not fair at all this is evil #and becasue u got unlucky someone wanted to be disgusting u have to carry the consequences #i rly still cant even say it i still cant even write it #i dont even know how . irl the only perosn i told in some capacity #is dealing with her own trauma and i hate that jsut being understanding is not enoughlike #Wow Lmao Its just Funny How it Shapes You. & U Can Never bury it forever becuz it will always catch up to you😂😂😂😂😂😂 #AND THE PAST CAN NEVER BE ERASED 😃😃😁😁😂😂😂🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔪🔪 #at least my gf has been taking steps to deal with it for.3 yrs and i just never even #LOL i feel like such a coward but the sh*me and the g**lt associated with the Thing..r so overwhelming i cant even admit it #what would i even do at the psych appointment like straight up what am i gonna say Lol #hai iam here to process something i dont actually remember probably becasue i was a child but imnot sure. n id rather #kms than tell u how i know 😂. So thats also why my heart breaks. for that little girl who was a ball of shame i guess and no matter #how much i cognitively.like rationally know its not my fault the ball of shame n guilt is still there #n it swallows me every time i vaguely start 2 think about acknowledging the Th*ng #or whatever. And thats just my end of the deal but my gf has it worse genuinely bc she remembers everything n still has to see the freak #n it went on for yrs n her family doesnt know n heres the worst thing hes a beloved family member a sweet boy with struggles of his own #well i hope he walks into traffic for doing what he did to her

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

I think I understand Antigone and I'm making this no one else's problem but my own. I can deal with my own devices even if those devices always break. I'm not trying to complain. I'm not complaining. I know this has to be right but I'm still here laying on the couch. world's smallest violin or whatever they say. if you go know you go as one beloved although you go without your mind.

#who can FUCKING grow me a new brother pardon my language #it’s even WORSE than you guys know literally the only person with the context here is gurt and that’s bc she spent half a month visiting #like i literally cannot explain how much this hurts why can’t i ever fucking keep anything in my life #why do i always have to be the girl who loses things why is this what God has for me why can’t i just have something to hold onto #my sister in law is leaving WE'RE TAKING HER TO THE AIRPORT tomorrow TOMMOROW #and she's the ONLY person im this safe with the ONLY person who I have like this #I'm laying on the couch freaking crying. I can't imagine being in this house without her. I don't WANT to be in this house without her #and I didn't hug my brother before he left #I'm not going to see them again for over a year and I didn't hug him before he left and it's worse than you all know #and I just fucking want something to keep #again. pardon my language #Lu rambles #sometimes I think I could write poetry

[widevibratobitch]

.

#vent post vent post lalalala #i wanted to post some pictures from my weekend trip with my friends before its too late but then i saw my fucking face and now i wanna kms #like oh my god. oh my god this is really truly the face im stuck with forever and ever and ever till the day im fuckin rotting in the groun #incredible how unfair life can be lmao (<- girl who is having such incredibly superficial stupid fucking problems but is otherwise #quite privileged but of course that will never be fucking enough for her because she's soooooo fckn stupid and selfish and annoyinggg lol) #i dont know why im so obsessed with it now #like i genuinely remember KNOWING that im kinda ugly (and fat) in high school and being like 'so what lol idc' #so WHY is it such an issue now????? #idk. i just kinda wish i was dead every time i look at my face and realise there's nothing i can do to change it #i can dress in ways that will cover my ugly ass shapeless body. maybe i can even go back to my ed properly this time #and lose some weight. for a time. before i gain back twice as much and the circle begins anew lol #but my face is not gonna change no matter what i do lmao unless i fucking scrape it off with a grater or smash my head into pieces #and like. even if i do get that rhinoplasty (its not gonna change my faceshape anyway. nothing i can do to fix THAT fuckin atrocity) #every time ill look in the mirror i will only be reminded that its fake. and that my natural face was disgusting enough it had to be cut up #to be fixed somewhat. #i just wish i had ONE. just ONE nice thing about my body. literally just one its not even funny lol #and its so fucked up when you look at my mom who was so insanely fucking beautiful when she was my age. like. i cant blame her #cause how could she have known that the genes she'll pass on will not result in anything good lol but also i feel like such a failure #like its not really my fault i got the genes i got. but yknow. #anyway im tired of always being the ugliest person in any group im hanging out with. my cousins? check. my hometown friends? check. #my uni friends? my GOD check (how ARE they all so pretty and skinny??? insane). #god i wish i were dead. like fr fr. im not actively suicidal since i cant bring myself to *do* shit anyway. but i just wish i never existed

[dirt-str1der]

Love the thought of kiryu losing nishikiyamas lighter fucking instantly after he gave it to him. Like he leaves it in the car and nishiki is nice enough to re-gift it to him when they meet up again and then two weeks after that whole fiasco kiryu loses it again and nishiki just buys him those cheap packs of like fifty plastic lighters because this is why they cant have nice things and he hates (loves) him so much

#Yakuza loveblog #like as sweet as it is to have kiryu hold on to that thing forecer (his lighter now) i think he really has a problem with commitment. its #not like he doesnt treasure it. he just does a lot of backflips and jumping around and things inevitably fall out of his pockets #i believe in my heart that kiryu is always losing shit and taking nishikis without permission and breaking it sometimes. like yknow #younger brother behaviour. thats why nishikis always hounding him because hes suffered greatly from kiryus whims #his whimsicality. his ability to wander literally everywhere. i think kiryu played truant in school a lot #like very early on he knew it wasnt for him so hed stalk the streets in his school uniform and climb up or under fences and rip up his skirt #and knees and then when he meets up with nishiki and yumi again hes like hey wanna come lepak in this abandoned building i found ? and theyd #be like YEAH !!!! and bring yuko along too because i love her and she should get to cut her arm open on a rusty metal screw and have to be #sent to the hospital as little girls are prone to doing. i love talking about kiryu in his school uniform god .. i really ... like i just #know he would use it to its fullest like i have a very clear image in my minds eye of kiryu as a kid all covered in dirt from climbing into #gardens and dusty old buildings morning to afternoon and carrying cool rocks around in his skirt and when he gathers them all in a pile he #just dusts off his skirt and its literally still covered in dirt and mud and dust but he does not give a shit. like it would literally be #ripped up the back because hes always sliding down concrete slopes and banisters and im sure hes cut his leg open before and just bled. #all over his nice boue uniform and then limped home and soaked it in a bucket to wear tomorrow. like i see kiryu with a lot of free time and #he never does homework and is failing all his classes by choice because he alrrady knows what he wants to do. like hes only failing because #he doesnt show up for exams and hes literally the bad boy that the girls always ask nishiki to introduce them to like omg is kazuko your #sister ?? can you give her this letter ... and nishiki opens it and reads it first and its a love letter and he just gives it to kiryu like #there are hot girls in your area who want you desperately and kiryus like oh. neat. im skipping school again tomorrow btw do not tell oyasan

[vvanessaives]

i think the Thing that makes vhanya's tragedy so..tragic to me is her youth. but not in a 'omg dying young, she had so much to live :(' which is. well rip to her. but more like every single mistake she does is in a way..normal. like mistakes you do when you're a teen and are sooo dumb but make you learn and they shouldn't weight too much or more like. they shouldn't have you pay a too expensive price. while vhanya's mistakes aren't looked at with kindness, there's no Understanding. she walks around with her rage and tears like she's screaming "i'm still learning!! don't i deserve some kindness?" and instead of a "it's okay that you fucked up, we can fix this" it's mistakes that shape forever her future without any way to rewind and idk it gets me </3

#rena.txt #like does she fuck up? YEA. the betrayal and the mistakes that come from a first love and shit and stuff. like yea she takes.. questionable #choices and her behaviour isn't the best at times but lord doesn't she deserve a bit of understanding? she's angry and angry and ANGRY at #her mother that (in her opinion) looks down on her and doesn't love her and probably vhanya thinks ari considers her as her greatest #disappointment. and that's when the rage takes control and she screams and threatens and all of that shit but then sadness settles and #she's falling down and asking her mother to please forgive her. like SHE'S LEARNING SHE MAKES STUPID SHIT. WELL YEA WHO HASN'T DONE STUPID #SHIT AS A TEEN!! and then belonging. god she only ever wanted to belong somewhere but she always ended up being estranged? not a black not #a green not her mother's side not her family. she tries to find her place in a world where she feels like isn't made for her. which is why #when aemond dies </3 she's just like. i thought i found a place but to follow this idea i lost everything else and now that i lost that #Only one thing there's nothing else to live for. as if ari wouldnt welcome back her daughter after whatever stupid shit she would do GIRL!! #AND LIKE THE IDEA ITSELF that she convinced herself that was her Place finally. a first love. dumb and stupid the kind of probably doesn't #last but you remember it and she's like THAT'S EVERYTHING i will ever have in life and now that is gone it makes no sense to be alive. #there's only emptiness. brrr IDK I'M LOSING IT. SHE'S DUMB BUT ALSO SHE HAS THE RIGHT TO BE. ME @ ME: U CATCH MY DRIFT #in the words of my bestest bestie moravia who wrote about alienation in a way that spoke to me through my whole teen years: 'desire for #normality; a longing to adapt to some recognized and general rule; a wish to be like everyone else from the moment that being different #meant being guilty.' FUCKING DEAD ON THIS SUNDAY MORNING

[mrfoox]

Being genderflud for me is always a mess

#Miranda talking shit #No ok it isnt... But ivr always been a.. 'tomboy' ot whatever and never been a girly girl... I mean i had to play makeup and #Dress up doll for my sister until i was 5 but after that i basically abruptly stopped wearing any dresses unless i had to... #Only thing appearance wise i kept that was feminine was long hair. Idek why i did that? Maybe bc ive always had it so i just kept it... Or #Maybe bc it was the few feminine things i had. Ive had such difficulty with my name. In the teen years it eas severe #But i still never ... Changed it? To this day i haven't. I have my online name having an mr in it but i always give my name and i mean #Yeah... I like being referred to as bro/dude and such but usually don't like being referred to as a girl... I dont hate it usually but im #Indiffrent? Maybe why ive been struggling with sx isnt only bc of my shit self esteem and that but also with gender. I know if i would have #Had the option id want to been born a guy. I mean... Most days at least i think so. Bc i am uncomfortable with my shape and organs. The #Fact i have buubs makes me wamt to shrivel up and perish. But i also mostly love my tighs. Maybe bc i like that on others as well.. #Heck idk. Sometimes i want to really go all out and make myself look cute and girly but i dont havr the confidence or knowledge #So instead i keep wearing what I've been since i was 8 yrd old (big hoodie or tshirt + jeans/sweatpants) would lovr to know someone #Whos into make up and fashion who would teach me and take me out and pick mr outfits. But also i dont think im cute enough to do that #Not cute enough and not cool enough to be a boy ... Im an oddly shaped blob /: #I dont know what i am i just let people call me whatever they want. Its a shame itd usually a girl. Thr time a kid called me 'boy' i was #Genuinely happy but then their parent corrected them and i was like damn... He had it man he knew what was up #Maybe I'd not struggle as much if i was skinny bc 98% of my time I've been overweight so..curves comes with the territory #My moms genes also got me the biggest cake in history like i cant lose it i think its permanent. It can get bigger tho

[haven-sent]

character stats

𝙻𝙰𝚈𝙴𝚁  𝟶𝟶𝟷    :    𝐓𝐇𝐄    𝐎𝐔𝐓𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄.    

NAME  : stephanie “steph” gingrich

EYE COLOR  : hazel 

HAIR STYLE  /  COLOR  :  straight, shoulder length dark brown hair, experimented with a couple of different streaks of colour in high school.

HEIGHT  :     5′7

CLOTHING STYLE  :    exclusively in jeans at all times. formal event? black jeans. during the summer she’s pretty much only wearing tank tops to show off those drummer arms (deceptively buff looking, she is weak af). every other time it’s graphic tees, raglans and band tees, usually with a flannel or oversized button up thrown over the top and then a hoodie on top of that for winter. converse, or combat boots if she wants to add a little height. she basically just settled into her grunge phase in high school and never left it. if you see her not wearing a beanie you have witnessed a rare, almost mythical, sight.

BEST PHYSICAL FEATURE  :    her smile. absolutely adorable and incredibly infectious. also i love arm.

𝙻𝙰𝚈𝙴𝚁  𝟶𝟶𝟸    :    𝐓𝐇𝐄    𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄.    

FEARS  :    getting close to people and them leaving her, losing loved ones, failing at her music career, ending up alone, disappointing her friends.

GUILTY PLEASURE  :    cheesy 90s pop, dancing when nobody’s watching, fruity cocktails, musicals

BIGGEST PET PEEVE  :    disorganization, being beaten at ANY game (she’s a very sore loser).

AMBITIONS FOR THE FUTURE  :    touring the world in a band.

𝙻𝙰𝚈𝙴𝚁  𝟶𝟶𝟹    :    𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒.

FIRST THOUGHTS WAKING UP  :   coffee immediately needed to wake up, planning out what she wants to say on the radio that morning, if there’s a specific song on her brain that she wants to play.

WHAT THEY THINK ABOUT MOST  :    music - whether it’s a song she likes stuck in her head, or if she’s thinking about writing something. daydreaming about what she’d do if she made it big and had a steady career performing.

WHAT THEY THINK ABOUT BEFORE BED  :   her friends - the benefits of living in a small town is she gets to see and hang out with them pretty much every day and it always lets her go to sleep with a smile on her face.

WHAT THEY THINK THEIR BEST QUALITY IS  :    if anyone ever asked she’d say her smokin’ hot looks - an easy way to deflect. what she actually thinks is probably her sense of humour - she finds herself funny and most people seem to as well. her actual best quality is her ability to listen to people and know what they need to push through something tough.

𝙻𝙰𝚈𝙴𝚁  𝟶𝟶𝟺    :    𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓’𝐒    𝐁𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑?

SINGLE OR GROUP DATES  :    group - steph gets nervous around girls she actually likes and a group setting where she can pull focus from herself makes her way more comfortable.

TO BE LOVED OR RESPECTED  :    to be loved, but she’s scared of having to give it in return without a safety net.

BEAUTY OR BRAINS  :    bit of both, but brains add to the hotness.

DOGS OR CATS  :   cats. canonically will literally risk getting mauled to pet a cat.

𝙻𝙰𝚈𝙴𝚁  𝟶𝟶𝟻    :    𝐃𝐎    𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐘…

LIE  :    not usually, unless it’s necessary (usually to help cover for someone else). if you ask it of her though be warned - her pokerface is terrible.

BELIEVE IN THEMSELVES  :    it varies. she knows she’s good at what she does, she knows she’s hot, she knows she’s funny. objectively she knows all of this but she always falters at believing that it’s enough.

BELIEVE IN LOVE  :    yes. she’s been in love before and believes she could fall in love again. she’s just hesitant.

WANT SOMEONE  :    yes. anyone.

𝙻𝙰𝚈𝙴𝚁  𝟶𝟶𝟼    :    𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐄    𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐘    𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑…

BEEN ON STAGE  :   quite a few times, she loves being on stage and performing in front of people.

CHANGED WHO THEY WERE TO FIT IN  :    not really. she’s never had the attitude of wanting to fit in with people who won’t like her for who she is and her interests. she doesn’t consider them worth her time. but she does suppress some elements of herself sometimes so as not to turn people off.

𝙻𝙰𝚈𝙴𝚁  𝟶𝟶𝟽    :    𝐅𝐀𝐕𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄𝐒.

FAVORITE COLOR  :    red or purple.

FAVORITE ANIMAL  :    cats. otters are also super cute.

FAVORITE BOOK  :    gideon the ninth.

FAVORITE GAME  :    dungeons and dragons

𝙻𝙰𝚈𝙴𝚁  𝟶𝟶𝟾    :    𝐀𝐆𝐄.

DAY THEIR NEXT BIRTHDAY WILL BE  :    december 17th

HOW OLD WILL THEY BE  :    29

𝙻𝙰𝚈𝙴𝚁  𝟶𝟶𝟿    :    𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐈𝐒𝐇    𝐓𝐇𝐄    𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄.

I LOVE  :   soft guitar melodies, headbanging to old 80s metal when no one’s around.

I FEEL  :    i might never be good enough to get what i want.

I HIDE  :    what i need if it might interfere with what others want.

I MISS  :    my dad, arcadia bay, gabe.

I WISH  :   i could get back the people i’ve lost or left behind.

tagged by: @reivontulet tagging:  i don’t know anyone here well enough yet to be tagging y’all out the blue but if you see this and want to do it please feel free

#badass dj? it's a no brainer | imagery #me looking at steph and i's clothing style: oh it's the same huh #this also sent me into a massive spiral on steph's true colours endgame choices like #i absolutely do think she's genuine when she says she doesn't care about seeing the world if it's not alongside alex #but it still breaks my heart a little that she's willing to give up her dream #something she went so back and forth on believing she was capable of achieving #that she already gave up once before when she didn't believe she could make it #because she doesn't want to lose alex #and she's not willing to make alex choose between their relationship and the other things alex needs to be happy #(and like the fear of losing your loved ones i feel is absolutely central to all the true colours characters) #(obvs everyone suffers the loss of gabe. ryan lost his mother pre-game. steph lost at least her mother in the storm - or chloe #gabe and alex desperate to reconnect after being torn from each other in the wake of losing their mother and being abandoned by their dad) #i absolutely believe steph would still be happy staying in haven because imo she does consider it home and would always come back anyway #but my girl my baby girl pls listen to your own advice #STOP THINKING ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE NEED AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU NEED #all this to say but yeah for the right person who steph can't live without? she drops everything for them even if it hurts #give me some prime angst material on that #doesn't even have to be romantic like she put off leaving haven because of gabe. because she loved him sm and he basically became her family #so anyway this is why i killed her dad because eh i see a muse with some fucked up attachment issues and think 'how can i make them worse' #long post #that's a lot of crying over steph for a friday lunch break

[my-thoughts-and-junk]

just finished season 3 and i have. thoughts.

#random thoughts #guess what motherfuckers it's blue man time #okay so the first three seasons are definitely the best #season one is decent with some great episodes and only one which is merely tolerable #it definitely didn't know what it wanted to do with itself yet hence the. devil. #season two is GREAT. every episode and side plot is entertaining. wish they didn't rehash interdimensional cable. #the wedding squanchers was made a bit weak by rick immediately being out of prison by the next season #and it was a bit heavy-handed on the whole 'rick's worst fears proved to be true and he will never open himself up emotionall again' thing #season three is also great! also a bit heavy-handed in the 'character monologue is deep' front #and then there's. hm. the rickchurian mortydate. #listen. love the divorce. love the new character dynamics. WHY did you pull us back??? #the ONLY episode which explored beth as a PRIMARY CHARACTER was ALSO the episode which directly led to her getting back with JERRY??? #listen. i love jerry. he sucks so hard. they are not compatible AT ALL. #STOP HAVING THEM GET BACK TOGETHER DURING MOMENTS OF HIGH EMOTIONAL STAKES!!! #jerry has learned NOTHING about beth during the divorce. they talked maybe ONCE. #beth does NOT need a male figure in her life STOP DOING IT TO HER #also??? why did summer consider grandpa her hero in the season 3 opener??? #they have NOT hung out like. at ALL. at MOST she's seen him be sexist to some aliens #HAVE! THEM! SPEND! TIME! TOGETHER!!! #he trusts her with the memory protocols! it is implied he PAYS her for her work! she was AWARE of the body mogrification ray! #LET SUMMER HAVE HOT GIRL SUMMER ADVENTURES!!! #give beth more episodes! explore her relationship to her deceased mother! does she know the rick in her house is not her rick? #what about morty? does she know her son is buried in the backyard? #fucking. explore how she feels when her father drags her son out of the house at god knows what hour AFTER she divorced jerry!!! #would she complain? would she become a doormat? she mentioned fearing being like her mother and driving rick away and you did NOTHING. #does she have hobbies? what does she do outside of work besides drink and watch her programmes? does she have any friends? #what happened to her coworker who was always flirting with her? how would their relationship change after her DIVORCE? #WHAT HAPPENED TO HER JOB IN SEASON 3? I WANT TO SEE HER LOSE HER WORK-LIFE BALANCE AND THROW HERSELF IN POST-DIVORCE #BETH KILLED A GUY! BETH KILLED SEVERAL LITTLE FUCKED-UP HUMAN FROOPY HYBRIDS! #how did she feel about jerry dating again? did anyone tell her? why didn't she even MENTION whether or not she wanted to start dating again?