thoughts on battinson with his like seven kids and they have to suffer through everyone wanting to fuck him cause have you seen him??
Alright so this response kinda works in a competely separate realm of canon than what I usually post. I’m gonna preface that right now, but BOY do I have thoughts :D
So when I think of Battinson and his (non)accidental orphan acquisition, I see Battinson as being on a much more even playing field emotionally than most other iterations. He’s not really as stoic and put-together, so having kids (especially multiple) would cause a LOT more chaos and drama. So in this case, I like to think that it happens at a very rapid rate. (Again, I’m saying this because this require straying from the film’s canon to a much larger degree than I usually do.) SO by the time he’s 32, he has an 11yo Dick, a 9yo Jason, and an 8yo Tim. And they probably grow with him much like teen parents do with their kids. He’s not as authoritative as most parents. Instead, he starts out as like half older brother, half dad, then graduates to the roll of batdad after his whole vengeance era.
THAT ALL BEING SAID!! BECAUSE THEY’RE SO MUCH OLDER AND BRUCE IS YOUNGER, THEY DEAL WITH A LOOOOTTTTTT OF CREEPY LADIES TRYING GO GET WITH THEIR DAD. (AND THEY ARE VERY. SMART. FOR THEIR AGE)
Dick, older brother and the leader of the “Save Dad and Our Childhood Innocence” brigade teaches the three everything there is to know. He is the most experienced with these awful public events like galas and charity auctions, so he is in control.
And it is SO much easier to get the creepy suitors to back off when they work as a team
Dick talks everyone’s ears off. He’s the golden boy (getting perfect grades and gold medals in his school’s gymnastics team) so he EASILY gets away with distracting people
Dick will insert himself into adult conversations all the time, and Bruce always lets him, which allows Jason and Tim to wreak havoc on whatever target they chose.
Whenever it isn’t too obvious or it’s late enough in the night, Jason will fake a cold or a headache sometimes (he’s prone to falling sick) and Bruce will insist that he take his kid home and tuck him into bed himself, very fatherly
Tim uses his Youngest Child points to woo the nicer ones and direct them away from Bruce, but it doesn’t usually works on the gold diggers (and thank god because Tim HATES acting cute) so he’ll use it on Bruce instead
When those three plans don’t work, the three gremlins start getting Creative TM
Jason, taking a swig from some wine glass and proceeding to spray it all over Vicky Vale’s white dress: “This isn’t grape juice!”
Tim, resident iPad kid and (despite popular belief) The Most Evil of the Three, sees some lady touching his batdad so he finds her phone number on an online directory and prank calls her every time she gets too close
Suitor: “Your father is very handsome.” Dick: “My father’s dead :(” “…” “Oh wait, you mean Bruce! Yeah, he’s nice.”
One lady starts hanging off of Bruce, but he needs to run off to say hello to an investor. Jason appears from nowhere in his dapper little tux and the lady just says, “So uhh, you like the Wiggles, right?” Jason: “Nope! Have you ever read Crime and Punishment? :)”
Dick “accidentally” slaps some obnoxious guests with his wild hand gestures “Oh no! I’m so sorry :(( Let me get you an ice pack” and pulls them away while the other two hide their laughter
One of the ladies who is WAY too comfortable and forward when flirting with Bruce is forced to sit down with Tim and he goes in head first “what are you doing with my dad?” “oh you know what adults do, honey. Messing around, having fun” and he’s like “well My dad doesn’t look interested” “of course he is! who knows? Maybe we’ll hit it off and make another one of you one day” which gives Tim intense psychic damage, but he’s a horrible little brat so he doesn’t give up. He hits her with the innocent doe eyes and asks in the cutest fucking voice “Where do babies come from?” she BOOKS IT (they never see her again)
Anyway, to answer your question: they are little terrors. and Bruce knows they’re little terrors, but he doesn’t care because he hates the creepy attention even more than they do, but this way it comes with a show :D
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I wanted to talk about this because it's been on my mind since I finished season 4
The way peaches represent Sun Wukong and Macaque's relationship. When they're happy in Flower Fruit Mountain, just the two of them — no brotherhood, no Jade Emperor (along with the entirety of Heaven), no journey to the West —, Sun Wukong gives Macaque a peach.
It doesn't look like much. SWK eats peaches all the time and his mountain is filled with them (seriously, is that all he eats? He really, really really loves peaches, man. How does he not get tired of them? I'd get grossed out after the first few months), of course he'd give one to his best friend! His most loyal subject!
In this scene, they're comfortable with each other. SWK talks about how what he wants is to live a lazy life with him and his monkeys, just chilling and eating peaches and basking in the sun? I can't remember exactly what he said but the point is, that he wants things to stay like that forever. Just the two of them (along with a thousand monkeys), living happily in a mountain with SWK being strong enough to protect all of them
SWK gives Macaque a peach. Macaque accepts it; the peach is fine. They're good.
The next time we see one of them give the other a peach is during another flashback, the one where SWK and Macaque are talking while Sun Wukong is sealed under the mountain (the position he was in looked so uncomfortable? He wasn't laying on his belly with the mountain on his back, he looked like he was trying to run away before he got caught with the mountain on his back), and they are definitely not good then
Macaque offers Sun Wukong a peach (read; Macaque offers Sun Wukong a peach, when Wukong was the one to offer one to Macaque before. The sun gives the moon its light, but the moon can't offer anything to it in return) and Sun Wukong acts passive aggressive with him, leaving it clear that no, Mac, he doesn't want that fucking peach (well, maybe he does, but we'll get to that later)
They're both in the right here, but they're also both in the wrong. Macaque is right for being angry at Sun Wukong. If he hadn't followed Azure's plan (he [Azure] was so fucking grooming that monkey, what the fuck. Not sexual btw), the brotherhood would've been fine, and Sun Wukong wouldn't be trapped under the mountain. However, Sun Wukong is also allowed to be angry at Macaque; from his POV, Macaque ran away from the fight when he realized they were losing. Macaque pretty much abandoned him first. I'd be angry too, honestly
Macaque is wrong for telling Sun Wukong that he's the one that got himself in that mess when really, that was partly Azure's fault. Weren't it for him Sun Wukong apparently wouldn't have cared about Heaven, since unlike what happens in JTTW (haven't read it yet, pls tell me if I'm wrong!), all he wanted was to live a comfortable life and train his troops (Azure was the one who saw him first; he found this... child? And thought that yeah, he can use this. He put him in a pedestal and showered him in compliments he didn't deserve nor want. He manipulated him to get what he wanted; not a king, but a weapon)
Sun Wukong is in the wrong for treating Macaque like shit here too, since he literally warned him and again, he wasn't at fault. Neither of them were!
Back to the point — in this scene, when Sun Wukong rejects the peach, Macaque crushes it with his hand. Later, after Macaque leaves, Sun Wukong expresses how he actually really wanted that peach. Or, in other words, Macaque tries to offer Sun Wukong his support, his friendship, and when Sun Wukong rejects it, he gives up and destroys any way of getting back together; later, it is revealed that Sun Wukong didn't genuinely want to be left alone, and that he did still wish to be friends, in a way
This, we can say is the point where their relationship was broken. The peach is left on the floor, abandoned, and Sun Wukong with it. As far as we know, Macaque didn't come back after, and even if he did it's pretty obvious that wouldn't have gone very well
(Also, just to add, and you can skip this part if you want! When Macaque is looking at the memory, he looks kinda confused? Like he doesn't remember it happening that way. Maybe that's one of the LBD messed with when she brought him back, if she even was touching them. I'm not sure if that's canon, I forgot. Please tell me if you know?)
The next and last time one of them offers the other a peach it's, again, Sun Wukong to Macaque (it's almost like that's the way it's meant to be. Huh. Sun and moon indeed haha!)
They're in a beach again! Yay! Sun Wukong's (and possibly Macaque's later, if he gets a proper redemption arc) friends and family (MK and the gang, and also the DBK fam) are there too. Sun Wukong is watching them in the sun (lol) when Macaque goes and joins him. He doesn't even go there to annoy him and as far as we know he didn't even get an invite, so he really just went to the event to chill with SWK. During this whole scene, we can see that Macaque isn't interested in starting a fight (fucking finally, man), even if Sun Wukong does act kinda aggressive at first. Which, y'know. Fair
They're in a beach again. Presumably not the same one, but still a beach. They're back to the beginning, but not really, because they're both different people. They've changed, and their relationship(s) with them
This time, it's not an actual peach being offered. It's a peach popsicle. I don't know how to spell that. Sun Wukong offers it to Macaque, and Macaque looks surprised but eventually accepts it. He appears to be happy with this
This I believe represents how they're both willing to begin a new relationship (platonic, romantic or something else, see it as you want). A new relationship; a changed one
Sun Wukong doesn't give Macaque an actual peach, he gives him a peach popsicle. He's offering his friendship, an offering Macaque accepts, but it's not the same it was before, and it never will be. They know they'll never be the way they were in the past, and they accept it. Sun Wukong offers Macaque his friendship, telling him that it won't be the same, but that if they want to heal then they've got to accept that — and Macaque takes it. It's not the same, there are mistakes that can never be fixed and actions that can't be undone, but they're willing to start anew
It'll be different, but it could be even better if they try (if they fucking COMMUNICATE for once)
And the popsicle will eventually melt. They'll eventually fight again; they'll fall apart, and maybe get so angry at each other they'll refuse to talk to each other for a while (y'know how stubborn they can be), but (usually depending on where you live) popsicles can be surprisingly cheap!
If the popsicle melts, if they struggle, they'll just buy another one, they'll just keep trying
Now all we need is a scene where Sun Wukong (or Macaque, to show them as equals if not in power then in... y'know, their relationship? I'm not sure what the word would be) gives Macaque an actual peach to show how they're them again. Not the same, never the same, but still them
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