#you know engineer is like father to scout.. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

can-i-see-your-passport-please · 5 months

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Okay so here's everything I know about TF2. Please no one elaborate on anything I know about, because I think it's so much funnier if I have no context to anything. I have absorbed all of this through Tumblr osmosis

Emesis Blue is an excellent film

Soldier apparently was never an actual soldier, he just loves America and really wanted to kill Nazis (the second one i respect greatly)

Medic would probably give you a lobotomy for fun (i don't think this guy's even a doctor)

Two really old guys are fighting bloody wars over gravel I think and their father is named Grey Mann which was most definitely meant to make Gman enjoyers lose it but to be fair his name could also be Gary Man.

What am I on

Heavy and Medic are apparently gay but idk if this is a fandom seeing two men next to each other and going "gay" thing or a "all but confirmed gay" thing but TVTropes referred to them as "Heterosexual Life Partners" which is very funny

emesis blue is so fucking good oh my godddddd the respawn machine is horrifying just from the concept it turned scout into soup

Scout is half French and loves his mother (who is not french) and does not love his father (spy i think)

Medic presumably died went to hell and told the devil "oh I'm like a cat I have nine souls actually. So I should get to go back to being alive" and it fucking worked??????

THE FUCKING SCENE IN?? IN EMESIS BLUE??? WHERE. WHERE SOLDIER TELLS MEDIC "YOU'RE GONNA MAKE IT OUT" AND MEDIC SAYS "i KNOW" BEFORE HE JUST FUCKING DIES AND HE'S THE PROTAGONIST SO YOU'D EXPECT HIM TO LIVE RIGHT??? AND THEN HE JUST DIES AND DOESN'T APPEAR AGAIN FOR SO SO LONG

Pyro is an any pronouns warrior and it commits great atrocities while also having so much sillyness in his heart. I love her

I think Engineer blowed up his arm. I think

Spy is a cunt and also French. I do not think this I know this. I look at him and I sense his cuntery. It radiates off him. I can feel it.

SOMETHING ABOUT THE LETTER M BEING BRANDED ONTO MEDIC'S FACE BEING A REFERENCE TO THE MOVIE SCOUT WAS WATCHING WHERE THE LETTER M IS USED TO MARK A MURDERER. HE'S LITERALLY MARKED AS A MURDERER BY PYRO. SOMETHING ABOUT THE SCENE WITH DEMOMAN AND DELL'S BAR BEING A REFERENCE TO A SCENE IN THE SHINING WHERE THE MAIN CHARACTER IS LITERALLY TALKING TO A GHOST. SOMETHING ABOUT SCOUT'S MOTHER'S HEAD BEING HELD AROUND A CORNER AND DROPPED PARALLELING PYRO'S HEAD BEING HELD AROUND A CORNER AND DROPPED. SOMETHING ABOUT SCOUT'S "IF THEY EVER HIT YOU WITH SOMETHING, YOU HIT BACK TWICE AS HARD" WITH MEDIC SHOOTING SPY TWICE IN THE HEAD AFTER BEING SHOT ONCE IN THE GAME OF RUSSIAN ROULETTE WHY IS EMESIS BLUE SO GOOD

TF2 is in an eternal war with Overwatch for some reason

I was doing a poll a few days ago and the tags psychic blasted me with the information of "by the way people pay like fifty dollars to see medic's tiddies in game." I have gotten varying answers between ninety dollars to three hundred fucking dollars but the constant remains that people will pay Valve comically high amounts of money to see Medic's boobs. What

Scout almost got Earth exploded because he died a virgin???? But then God was like "Okay go back down to earth I'm giving them one last chance to all have sex with you" I'm so confused what does any of this mean none of this makes any sense but it's hilarious

Scout might be legitimately named after Jerma and bears a frightening resemblance to him (though to be fair scout is every white boy in one)

You should watch Emesis Blue it's free on youtube

Demoman's eye is sentient even though he doesn't have it????

I can't decide who's my favorite the white boy the unethical scientist or the silly nonbiney war criminal

Conclusion: What the fuck is team fortress the second one about

#cassie rambles #please don't tell me what it's about it's so much funnier if i am confused forever #tf2 #emesis blue

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stra-tek · 1 year

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Random spoilerific reasons to read Star Trek novels, with little to no context:

Ro/Quark is a thing

A Jem'Hadar joins DS9, tries to fit in but eventually snaps and tries to kill everybody

You learn the origins and final fate of the Borg

A thinly-veiled Dr. House clone joins the Voyager crew

Geordi briefly has 2 girlfriends at once (due to different writers not co-ordinating enough, but still)

There's a TOS book that's a musical

There are YA stories about Jake and Nog making mischief on DS9

YA stories about Worf, Geordi, Picard, Beverly, Kirk, Spock and McCoy at SFA

YA series about the Kelvinverse gang (including Gaila!) as cadets, taking on a drug problem at SFA and a very unique Borg scout in San Francisco

We very briefly meet the people who are to Q what the Q are to humanity

Janeway/Chakotay is a thing

Kirk's first mission in command of the Enterprise! Erm, at least twice.

Kirk was married between TOS and TMP

Her name was Lori

In the future, you have yearly marriage contracts that you either update or you don't and I think that's amazing

Trip didn't die! He faked his death to join Section 31 and go undercover as a Romulan

It's not great, tbh

The ENT books get better after the Romulan wars though, it's proper founding of the Federation stuff

We meet Jack Crusher (erm, the OG) when 4 timelines start overlapping and he's a bit unhinged

Teenage Kirk stole a car and his choice was go to jail or join Starfleet

What happened when Voyager got home? Seven broke up with Chakotay like 30 pages in

Kirk gets cloned, and his clone becomes the sub of an evil invincible super genius and its all very gay

George Kirk was Robert April's first officer on the first ever mission of the unnamed starship with the Naval Construction Contract 1701

Robert is a hard-core pacifist and has to turn command over to George whenever it's time to fire weapons

Data becomes fully human for a couple of days and it's really sweet

They never say "wristwatch" or "phone", it's always "wrist chrono" or "personal comm"

There are gays but they don't say that word because it's the 1990's and Rick Berman runs the franchise

Spock has a son in the past with Zarabeth

Everyone in the post-Nemesis era does spy missions all the time non stop, as if Starfleet has abandoned exploring the cosmos for doing Space Mission: Impossible

Bashir does it better than anyone else, he takes on Section 31 from the inside

Remember Control? It's from the novels, except the novels do it SO MUCH BETTER.

Remember how we never found out who Future Guy was? We do.

It's very underwhelming, nobody we know

We find out how the Romulans and Vulcans split

Surak was a Vulcan internet blogger

A Borg Cube eats Pluto

Janeway dies

Janeway gets better

At least one TOS book features a wizard

There's a Star Trek TOS/Here Come the Brides crossover novel

It had cameos from The Doctor (as in, Who), Han Solo, Starbuck and others

Whole book series about Section 31

Whole book series about the Department of Temporal Investigations

One time they do the Bill and Ted thing to escape confinement and it works

Wanna know how Riker and Troi met?

Wanna know what Picard got up to on the Stargazer?

Andorians have 4 sexes and it's very complicated

Data comes back from the dead as Data 2.0, and it was fresh and exciting because it happened long before ST: Picard did it twice.

Lal comes back too and we get father/daughter android stuff! They have a home and everything but keep having to save the universe

One time Mirror Seven is led around on a leash naked on Terok Nor

Geordi becomes captain of the USS Challenger, decides it's not for him because plot, and goes back to engineering on the Enterprise

Kirk is shot on the bridge and dies

Kirk gets better

They watch 3D holos of old Doctor Who episodes in the Enterprise rec room

The Enterprise also has an AI named Moira, which was Zora long before Zora

The TOS crew get together for one last mission. About three times.

There's a Perry Mason book except it's about Kirk's lawyer from that TOS episode

Data 2.0 owns and runs a massive gambling empire on Orion

Spock keeps randomly showing up everywhere in the TNG era

Scotty keeps randomly showing up everywhere in the TNG era

Bones keeps randomly showing up everywhere in the TNG era

You're on Tumblr so you already know about Killing Time

There's a guy named McKenzie Calhoun and he's a total badass and captains a ship of weirdos and misfits

Kirk comes back from the dead, saves the galaxy repeatedly, has an intersex child (who identifies as male) with a Romulan/Klingon hybrid

Kirk beats up Worf

Kirk's child has superpowers

Kirk's child saves the galaxy at age 6

The Kirk stuff is 100% ignored in the other novels

About 50% of the novels are ignored in the other 50%, and the ones that are meant to be in direct continuity with each other aren't always quite

Just like the TV shows and movies, then

Lwaxana Troi meets Q, and it goes as well as you'd expect

Someone tells Data, yes you idiot you had emotions all along and he's like, oh shit you're right

McCoy is left in command of the Enterprise as a joke by Kirk, who is then immediately kidnapped

Ro Laren is captain of Deep Space Nine

Picard/Beverly is a thing, they get married and have a child named Rene. No running away and raising your kid in secret here

Riker and Troi are married, serve on the Titan together with a bunch of adorable weirdos and have a daughter named Tasha

You get to watch all the 24th century characters die horribly in the end along with their entire universe. Holy fuck it's a bleak horror show. Personally, I love it. But if that's not your cup of tea I'd skip the Coda trilogy

#star trek #star trek novels #star trek novelverse #star trek books #kirk #spock #picard #riker #troi #star trek tos #star trek tng #ds9 #Voyager #enterprise #add your own

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2frosty4you · 2 months

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Hiii! If reqs are open, can I request for all the mercs finding out teen merc reader grew up with very neglectful parents, and is basically a mother to her younger siblings? The only reason she even took up a job as a mercenary is so she can pay the bills for her little brothers and sisters, since her parents are too busy using their money on drugs:/

Mercs find out teen!reader takes sole care of her siblings [Platonic

Hardest thing about this was actually getting a name for it :cry:

╔═════════════════╗

Scout

✧ He says he relates, but in reality he doesn't. His family was filled with successful boys (fatherless) and his mother who they all loved. He sent his paychecks to her every time.

✧ When you explained that you had to take care of your siblings from a younger age over the campfire he became quiet.

✧ Doesn't make a joke, but the awkward air was getting to him.

"so.. how many siblings ya got?"

✧ He only says this to break the ice

✧ After a while he understands why you're always on calls with people, always away on ceasefire and always take any off days you can get (hardly any)

Soldier

"AN AMERICAN CARETAKER SHOULD NOT INTAKE DRUGS FROM THE FRENCH!!"

✧ He's trying, but not hard enough

✧ He offers you one of his extra helmets and his raccoons. He cares for you like a strange rabid dog you found on the street.

✧ Shares his food with you, gives his loyalty to your brothers and sisters with a goofy salute.

✧ Don’t let him meet your siblings unless you want him to get them to dig a trench around your house

Pyro

".. mph?"

✧ They don't understand why your parents aren't using their own money.

✧ They don't understand a lot of what you explained

✧ They'll begin to offer any candies they have to you, not like they weren't already. Protects you a lot on the battlefield and draws pictures for you and your siblings (mostly balloonicorn)

✧ Would like to meet your siblings though, they've got plushies to share 100%

Heavy

✧ He pats you on the back and nods, he didn't need to mother/father a group of kids but having no father made his family's life harder.

✧ Teaches you some night hearty meals that could feed a battalion

✧ Also teaches you self defense, even if you know it already it's never enough (heavy tells you that like :nerd: )

✧ Also makes you sit and have some time to yourself, he's your 'father' now. No ifs, buts or whys

Engineer

"pardon."

✧ He says, frying pan in hand as he was cooking breakfast. Staring at you like he was going to kill a set of parents.

✧ Tries to keep you safer on the battlefield, not wanting you to suffer more than your family has done to you.

✧ Teaches you to cook, like heavy

✧ Cooks breakfast for you first, and when you have a rough time its 100% only you getting proper meal.

✧ Will drive you to your family's house, and stand there like a guard as you let him meet your brothers.

✧ Probably would build little contraptions for them and help tutor them.

✧ Loves you like family, including your siblings (not your parents, not at all)

Demoman

✧ He's drunk when you tell him this, he raises his bottle and spits out

"aye, fuck ya parents"

✧ He passes out immediately

✧ If he's sober when you mention it again he's going to be more caring(slightly) and since hes always at least tipsy he'll offer you his bombs like a drug dealer.

✧ If you say yes he'll blow up them and their crackhouse.

✧ Is on the fence about meeting your siblings, he doesn't really want your brothers seeing a drunk, half-blind Scot stumbling around.

Medic

✧ His eye twitches, a large insane smile on his face as he turns to you while having his elbows deep in the corpse of the enemy heavy.

"Did I mishear you?"

✧ He removes his hands from the corpse and comes over to you shaking you like crazy. Ranting about how a teenager shouldn't be caring for small children and asking if you had symptoms for any mental issues.

✧ He's insane, I'm not gonna sugar coat it.

✧ But he is smart and teaches you how to do some basic first aid

'no medic I'm not going to remove any appendices please stop cutting into scout'

✧ Wants to meet your sisters, offers them to play with his birds and offers up some plushies

'MEDIC DON'T GIVE THEM SYRINGES' 'and PLEASE put away the baboon heart'

Sniper

✧ Asks for you to repeat what you muttered and then offers to 'get rid' of your parents (sniper put down the rifle.. and the jarate)

✧ Drives you back and to your family home, is uncomfortable around small children so he's going to 100% either stay in his truck or be leaning against it the whole time.

✧ Don't worry he didn't bring any jarate with him.. Just don't check the truck (please)

✧ But if he mentions taking care of birds your siblings demand to see them, so they get along well

Spy

✧ He will assassinate them, won't tell you, but it'll be suspicious when your mother dies from an overdoses while having and obvious bullet hole through her chest

✧ Look, he wasn't a father to scout but he'll be a father for you. Better than your last father at least, and a little better than he was to scout.

✧ Teach your siblings french 100%, you won't know until they start speaking it and you're left dumbfounded.

╚═════════════════╝

Posted 1.03.2024 if you see any typos or anything pls tell me!!

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goblin-enjoyer · 5 months

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Normalize the tf2 mercs as being absolute genetic freaks of nature under the hood. Medic is crazy and we know he gets paid good so he’s probably got lots of bits in his bin if you know what I mean.

Pyro is straight up nonhuman. Pyro is a fire elemental that the Mann brothers have bound to a hazmat suit and medic made a real boy by giving them meat. Not making her a human body mind you, but rather every time he gets damaged, instead of bursting into flames meat forms around the wound and it bleeds instead of letting the inner crea tur out.how? Wizard. Moving on.

Soldier has massive lungs that make him 20% more louder. If he was smarter he could probably echolocate his way around. That or sound attacks idk he eats wizard pills he could have hollow bones for all I know. Sure he has hallow bones now for rocket jumping. Im the one typing I get to make nonsense on the fly.

Medic put pigeon dna in scout and that’s how he makes his trademark milk-like substance. How this happens you may ask? Scout saw medics doves have sex while getting his second Uber heart surgery and said “man I wish I could pick up chicks that well” and medic said “good idea I will help you with this” and then looked at the camera and smirked. The administrator does not spectate medics lab/operation room/dove breeding center anymore. Also scouts immune to radiation due to all the bonk he ingests, though sometimes he does become radioactive sometimes.

We already know that demoman’s body creates alcohol and that he has a ghost eye, but did you know that if you shoot him with some sort of piercing explosive round he will combust into flames. I… I couldn’t really think of anything for demoman I don’t play him as much.

Engineer always wishes he could have kids, but doesn’t want to have sex. That and he removed most of his reproductive/unnecessary/extra/mid organs with machine parts like 30 years ago. So after the events of the games and comics where everyone is happy and junk, he teams up with medic to make himself some half robot half human half whatever dell conagher is at that point at time children. He asks if medic ever want kids he can do the same for him but he declines as at this point in time he has perfected the art of male impregnation.(on various ape parts) dell is a great father and yes I added this part because the whole humanized sentry thing that went around a while ago touched my heart because despite the words of almost every engineer main everywhere I get so attached to the sentries I build that I die a little bit inside every time I die and my buildings get sapped and I have to just watch as my babies get destroyed. I get too attached to my buildings to play engineer

Heavy doesn’t stop growing, similar to that of a reptile. His skin is as thick as a rhinos. He hibernates for a month in summer because I said so. He has accidentally killed/crushed medic before and is now eternally cautious when in bed with him. Medic doesn’t mind, he knows what he’s gotten himself into. Heavy can also talk to birds like a Disney princess. Medic didn’t add any bird parts for this to happen he just was always like this.

Sniper can dislocate every bone in his body and go through cracks that are at least the size of his head. He will use this to show up in the most unexpected places imaginable. Is legally classified as an tardigrade in some places due to his ability to be fine in almost any place (volcano,Arctic,sewer system, a walk in closet so large it took him 5 weeks to get out, space that one time). Can go up to a year without eating (the team found this out at the same time they figured out the space thing). Swallows things whole.

Spy can shift his flesh around to disguise as almost anything, keeps the mass and weight though. Breaths mostly through his skin so he doesn’t cough due to his decrepit lungs. Was hit by a car once. Doesn’t have anything to do with the subject matter of the tf2 mercs being freakish beings with human skin but I just wanted to include it here.

Medic. What isn’t medic? The only thing consistent with his biology is that he can regenerate somehow. He alters his body so much that it is roughly equivalent to 1 tyranid hive fleet and 2,million ork painboys.(the tf2 mercs would be more likely to work for the orks than to ever work for one of the human factions in 40k and I just needed to get that off my chest) This is how he manages to get away with all the things he’s done. Banned from this continent? Just become a new person who’s not banned from that continent and presto you’re good! The laws don’t account for the ship of Theseus!

#midnight brainrot #man I love posting nonsense late at night #tf2 #team fortress 2 #tf2 heavy #sniper tf2 #scout tf2 #spy tf2 #tf2 engineer #tf2 medic #tf2 spy #tf2 scout #tf2 pyro #tf2 sniper #tf2 soldier #tf2 demoman #did I tag this right? I’m not good at tagging things

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jermer10 · 3 months

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This might be a weird request but can you do one where you're dating the Mercenaries and you figure out your pregnant so you tell them?

TF2 mercs with a pregnant s/o

afab reader | this req wasn't weird at all! thank you op, and i apologize for it taking so long to write! <3

drabbles under the cut :P

Scout: - being the youngest of 8, he wasn't exactly aware of pregnancy signs first hand, though he had heard things from his ma and brothers - so when he noticed you had been sicker, sleeping longer, and having food aversions to things you would otherwise love, he had slowly put pieces of the puzzle together - doesn't wanna bring it up with you, he doesn't want to alarm you, and slyly implies getting a pregnancy test after he sees you vomiting for the 3rd morning that week - when he finds out, he is ecstatic!!! <33333 - would LOVE it if his kids were into baseball, definitely the playing catch in the yard kid of dad - has always been big on having a family, but can't help but also feel incredibly nervous??? - his dad was never there, would he even be a good dad? spoiler alert, he is an amazing dad

Soldier: - completely oblivious to the idea that you could be pregnant, and instead sends you to the infirmary thinking you had just eaten some bad bread - to his complete and utter shock, you came out pregnant - "honey, no, i was already pregnant..." there's no use, he doesn't care who made you pregnant, he was going to be a dad! - is already picturing your white picket fence american life together with 2.5 kids and a dog - doesn't believe in maternity leave, will try to get you onto the battlefield despite the fact that you are seven months pregnant and can barely walk (medic has to explain why you cannot, soldier is outraged) - the kind of guy who really wants a son but is blessed with a daughter instead and ends up having more in common with her - "CAN WE HAVE ANOTHER ONE?" he is so sweet like actually <333

Demoman: - demo is always sick, it comes with the alcoholism - but when you're sick? he is worried, like, extremely worried - at first he thinks it's the flu, maybe gastro? anything but what all the signs point to, please don't be pregnancy - when you show him the positive tests, he holds you and cries - he is so terrified at the idea of being a father, he's an alcoholic, he's never had to take care of anything in his life, not even himself - god, he couldn't bare having to explain the egregious duty of abandoning their child until they come of age, like his parents had done to him, and theirs to them - but, he also really wanted a family with you - he saw how happy this baby would make you, how excited you were to have one with him - when he sees his baby for the first time, he knows that he made the right choice

Heavy: - having three younger sisters, he knew what pregnancy was like - and when his father was executed, he knew he had to protect those sisters as if they were his own children - he absolutely loves the idea of having a small family with you, a peaceful life without bloodshed - so when you come to him, teary eyed, holding what looked like a pregnancy test, he didn't hesitate to embrace you in the most suffocating, loving hug he could muster - "У нас будет ребенок!" he is so incredibly happy - he treats you like royalty, spoils you so hard (as if he didn't already) - his mother and sisters knit you baby clothes!!!! <33333 - will not let anyone near you, he absolutely refuses any harm to you or your baby, if you get sick he ails your illness, if you are hurt he treats your wounds - you are the most precious thing to him, and now so is your baby

Engineer: - it wouldn't come as a surprise to him at all, as you had likely discussed having a baby and trying for one multiple times beforehand - that doesn't stop him from bawling his eyes out anyway - you hold each other for hours, happily crying and giggling about how your future together will look - designs all the baby furniture with added features to make your life easier - feeding bowls that prevent food spillage, chairs that are completely non slip, a baby cradle with an inbuilt monitor and mobile with little wooden tools and machinery - the most proactive father any child could ever want in their lives, he will drop everything to support you and this baby - invests in his kid's hobbies, shows up to every baseball game, every recital, every play

Medic: - medic's never really thought about having kids before - he could honestly live without ever having them - he's giving you a physical, when he notices some of the telltale physical pregnancy signs and decides to give you a test - oh fuck! you were pregnant! - immediate panic mode, he has no idea how to be a father! he offers multiple options for you to undergo surgery to remove it - if you are insistent on having this baby, he decides that he has no choice but to be a dad - at first he ignores this kid, i mean, he is a busy man after all and he never wanted this child in the first place - but this kid follows him EVERYWHERE, and he just cant help but adore the little guy - "ah, it was inevitable really, zhe little scamp just vouldn't leave me alone!" "you know you're allowed to love our kid, right?"

Sniper: - has never wanted kids, it wasn't you, really, he just didn't find them practical - i mean, he lives in a van?? where would you even fit a kid? and surely it wouldn't be healthy to raise one in that sort of environment - he sort of supposes that seeing you holding your baby would be cute, and he wouldn't mind having a little family someday - when you break the news to him, you look visually nervous - shaking, eyes wet and red, probably from crying before you even told him, it breaks his heart seeing you this way - when you finally ask what you should do, despite all common sense, he tells you that he wants to keep the baby - your reaction was all worth it to him - you immediately plan to upsize, looking for a small house together and moving in shortly before the baby is born - he fully comes around to the idea of a child after meeting his own

Spy: - the thought of having a kid turns him off, he is far too emotionally unavailable as it is - you know about scout, and you know the immense guilt and pain spy felt after abandoning him - so when you tell him that you're pregnant, he calmly asks you what you are going to do - he won't talk you out of having the baby, but he will not be active in his child's life whatsoever - you bet that he will, and so, he takes you up on that bet - he has no intent on leaving you despite not wanting this kid, if anything the idea of proving you wrong amuses him more - then, when you aren't around, he spends time with the kid, clothes it, feeds it, plays with it - and when you come home and see them together, it's safe to say he had lost the bet

#tf2 #ask #team fortress 2 #tf2 fanfiction #tf2 imagines #tf2 x reader #tf2 x you #tf2 fluff #fluff #tf2 scout #tf2 soldier #tf2 demoman #tf2 heavy #tf2 headcanons #tf2 engineer #tf2 sniper #tf2 medic #tf2 spy #jermer10

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justgrey · 2 months

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Hello! I’d like to request the mercenaries with a fem mercenary reader who is a shapeshifter and has a pretty chaotic personality? Basically Nimona from the movie Nimona lol

Watched the movie finally, and now I'm gay for ballister. Thanks for that xoxo. be on the lookout for something on him because i want to chew him and hit him like a tennis ball

Also, it's safe to say I got a little stupid with this one 💀

Mercs with a chaotic! reader

Warnings : swearing, light mentions of gore, talk of body parts, medic.

CHAOS CHAOS CHAOS *jevil laughter*

Probably get along really well with Pyro and Scout not gonna lie because Pyro likes to burn shit (Even though I'm pretty sure they think they're spreading joy and colour) and Scout is pretty hyper in general, willing to go along with anything as long as it's fun.

*burns down barn*

"huddah huh huu hud."

"Yeah, loving the colour too, pally. Really makes the wood boom." *evil chuckles*

As soon as Pyro learns about your shapeshifting ability, they're all over you. They want you to play 3 different characters at their tea parties simultaneously and transform into a unicorn so that they can ride you into battle and fulfill their wildest dreams

"Hud hudda hu hubuh huuuuh HUDDAH!!"

"Okay, okay, fine!" *transforms into a unicorn* "Get on."

*excited hu noises*

"HUDDAHHHH!!"

Besties 💗🌈🔥✨️

Some of the older and quieter mercenaries are NOT gonna be having a field day with you and your silly little personality.

Sniper hates it THE MOST. He doesn't like people that much in general and can barely keep up with the hyperactive chaos that is you, so he mainly sticks to watching you burn shit down from afar.

"Did'ya really have ta' do that much?"

"Yeah. Why, you not liking it, pissboy?"

"..."

"That's what I thought. Don't be a hero, buddy."

Although he doesn't appreciate your snarky attitude, he likes how you can shapeshift. He really likes animals and will sometimes scope in on you when you transform, nodding with approval and whispering a little, "cool" that he hopes nobody hears.

Spy thinks you're a nuisance around the base but definitely sees the usefulness in your shapeshifting abilities since he kinda almost does the same damn thing, just with his goofy masks. He respects you for that, if anything, at all.

Do not ever expect to replace him or get remotely close to him in espionage, though. If you are at the same level as Nimona, you're not great at directly impersonating humans, and he will tease you about it.

"What was that, today?

"What was what?"

"The 'Oh Mon deu! Ack! Oohh! I dropped my baguette' if that was meant to be an impersonation of me, know that it was terrible, and my lawyer will be contacting you."

"I dunno, I think it was pretty accurate." *shrug*

Medic loves you. Sorry, not sorry. Loves you. Does get tired of you sometimes, but not all the time. He's generally also very *bzzz bzzz chaos organs* so he's happy to indulge in whatever you want to do which usually involves the absolute destruction of everything.

Medic is also incredibly fascinated by your shapeshifting ability. Do not sleep around this man while shape shifted because he's poking and prodding everywhere while you're out.

"Ohoho... how peculiar" *pokes open nerve*

"YEOUCH WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?!"

*nervous chuckle as he hides a bucket of blood and from your view*

Engineer tries to be that guiding light he thinks you need. He's a friend, a father figure, a colleague, whatever you need. He's a nice Southern gentleman with a slightly insane twist. Encourages you to be careful around the others, but if you aren't, he's not complaining. Makes the job easier if everyone listens.

Heavy is pretty chill with you. He's neither annoyed nor pleased that you're around. He relatively keeps to himself, medic, and his guns.

Actually, do not touch his gun. Do not pretend to be his gun either.

Soldier and Demo like your charisma. You can be a pretty fun drinking partner for demo, and a nice soldier when you're willing to follow orders (which isn't usually) but as long as you get the job done with as much destruction as possible, Soldier is saluting you almost as much as he does the American flag that is hanging next to his bed.

"ANOTHER GREAT DAY, TODAY! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK AND I MIGHT RAISE YOUR STATUS, CADET!"

"SIR YES SIR! or something I dunno, fuck this is weird..."

*walks with soldier, ignoring the screams of the dammed behind you*

He makes you transform into an eagle and has you sit there on his arm for a while, admiring you fly. It's brought him close to tears on many occasions.

Whenever he gets married to Heavy's sister, Soldier is making sure that you are THERE as an Eagle. He'll pay you to fly across the sky and make majestic bird noises.

Overall, some very mixed experiences. But a fun concept either way.

#nimona #tf2 #team fortress two #tf2 x reader #tf2 scout #platonic tf2 #tf2 medic #team fortress two x reader #tf2 engineer #tf2 spy #tf2 pyro #tf2 demoman #tf2 heavy #tf2 sniper #tf2 soldier

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wondercircuit · 15 days

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lance and the ferrari driver academy: a brief timeline

this covers lance getting scouted into ferrari, his junior career at prema, and the surrounding connections he's had from his fda days that were pretty notable for his development up to his f1 debut in williams. i wrote this as personal reference for myself at first a while ago while writing something else, thus the added subjective commentary in a few bits, but if anyone is interested and can count some of this as useful information for his ferrari-related lore, then great. feel free to tell me if anything is inaccurate!

2008 - 2009: lance jacob strulovitch started competing in canadian karting was winning canadian national karting championships before this, such as the coupe de montreal and coupe du quebec micro max championship in 2008 and 2009. he placed 6th in a world finals at lonato, italy in the mini roc category and in addition, he was winning championships in florida karting competitions. racing coach and karting champion mike wilson tutored lance and mentioned that lance was born with that “killing instinct, and was surprised at the determination he had as a child to fight the back of a pack," comparing this attitude to a young fernando alonso, (who mike had also mentored (interview source ; you can read a brief version without paywall here).

2010: lance was scouted by ferrari at 11 years old, the youngest person signed to an f1 development programme at the time. luca baldisserri, ferrari’s chief track engineer and former engineer to michael schumacher was running the academy as director. lance was allegedly said to be an experiment for the fda to see if they can mold potential into developing an f1 driver from a young age.

baldisserri said the programme to nurture and shape kids with potential was never originally a part of the culture of ferrari and said it was a shot in the dark, knowing how young lance was. it was mentioned as well that mclaren offered lance a spot for their development programme, but lance chose ferrari's offer:

"Though Lance was eager to accept, his parents were reluctant. He was still a boy, and this was a major commitment. "I wanted Lance to digest it," [Lawrence] Stroll says. "With the time and money Ferrari is spending, you've really got to know you want to do this." But Ferrari wasn't the only one interested. Within days, Ferrari's bitter F1 rival, McLaren, heard what transpired in Florida and lobbed in a competing offer. After mulling his options, Lance chose Ferrari, and a few months later, boarded a plane for his first training session at the academy."

— The grooming of Canada's next Formula One driver, The Globe and Mail, 2011.

lawrence initially thought that the scout's offer for lance to join the fda was fake and a scam: "[Lawrence] Stroll didn't believe it. This man was a con artist, a fraud. He was incensed. "I told him, you're full of [expletive] this isn't true," the father recalls. It took a phone call from Italy later that afternoon to change his mind." the article also goes through the sort of training ferrari started him out with and talks about how luca gave lance the token red racing suit when he joined, but lance preferred to stick to not wearing the color, which i think is interesting:

"With the eyes of the racing world upon him, Lance is now trying to keep a low profile. When Ferrari welcomed Lance to its team, Baldisserri presented him with the rarest of gifts: a bright red Ferrari racing suit, just like the one Villeneuve wore. It is the most famous uniform in racing. But Lance told Ferrari it's probably better if he doesn't wear it. "It's like having a bull's-eye on my back," he explains. "The other kids are going to be saying: 'He's a Ferrari driver – go and get him.' " Baldisserri agreed. Everyone is chasing Lance Stroll. So on race day, the famous red suit stays at home and he zips himself into an anonymous blue-and-white uniform."

lance wearing the chiesa corse overalls with the tiny ferrari logo

in the same year, lance participated in a 'friendly' staff karting event at montreal where he's karted with fernando and felipe massa.

(L), lance in 2010 at a staff kart race organised by ferrari in montreal. lance scored p2 in this race behind fernando | (R), fernando and felipe massa who got p3, pictured with lance at the kart race

the ferrari driver academy was very newly established--aside from lance, the programme had checo perez and jules bianchi, who were in sauber and manor, the one other team using ferrari's engine respectively in f1 at the time.

2011 - 2014: lance continued to compete in karting and won the SKUSA supernationals in 2012. throughout this, he continued to train with ferrari. by now the fda had gained a total of 5 members with brandon maisano (who would then go on to be lance's teammate in prema) and rafael marciello added to their roster. jules was the eldest out of the five at 23 years old, while lance had been the youngest at 13.

(L) lance pictured with a few fellow fda members and ferrari drivers of different categories, including (R) giancarlo fisichella and fernando on ferrari's passion day event (essentially an exclusive event shared with fans at mugello) (2012)

one of the trainers at the fda, andrea ferrari (i'm so serious, his last name is literally ferrari) talked about how the five academy drivers had unique training sessions specific to their ages and classes. he's mentioned how he occasionally gets to work with the "senior" driver team aka fernando and massa and the time he spends with them and fernando's physio helps him construct the training plans: "The opportunities of dealing with Alonso and Massa are occasional but significant, according to his accounts. “When Fernando comes to Maranello he has some training sessions with us. We often go for a bike ride in a group of 5-6 people and, needless to say, Fernando always wants to win”, Andrea states. “In addition, I’ve to say he’s a very sociable person. He creates a very friendly environment when we go out for a dinner or five-a-side matches among Ferrari staff members" — (source) fernando has mentioned training at the strolls' home in mont-tremblant, canada after the 2014 canadian grand prix — (source). in the same year, prema released a fun short little interview of lance in f4 where he mentions that his favorite driver is fernando. (even aston martin's team principal mike krack has acknowledged that their meeting in ferrari and the strolls maintaining that connection with fernando since then was an important catalyst to their present time at aston.)

lance debuted in single-seater racing in that year's florida winter series, which was not a championship series, but was organised by the fda. max and nicholas latifi also participated in this series (here is a comprehensive post on lance in the 2014 florida winter series that @lil-shiro kindly put together). lance competed in the italian f4 championship and took 13 podium finishes with prema racing, thus winning the champion title that year.

lance at the podium in 2014, adria, italian f4

2015: lance competes and wins in the 2015 toyota racing series in new zealand in the winter, which consisted of 5 rounds. he competes in f3 europe and ended 5th in the standings for his first f3 season. it was around this year where there were rumours of the fda discontinuing; for context of the situation, luca baldisserri was stepping down from his director's role at the academy, checo left when he signed on to mclaren in 2013. lance also left the fda to sign on to the williams driver development programme in november that year with the aim of getting to work closer with an f1 team. lance described ferrari's training programme to be 'basic' and he was looking for more intensive sim work and actual testing for f1 cars, which the williams' junior programme offered.

on the topic of who else was leaving ferrari, felipe massa was in williams by 2014, and fernando in mclaren in 2015. the strolls still continued to visit fernando in f1 races here and there to show their support:

(L) lance and fernando at the monaco gp, 2015, and lawrence with fernando at the canadian gp, 2015

2016: by now, it was known that luca moved on to race-engineering for lance and working with him directly throughout his f3 euro season that year. luca also had a hand in prema racing's dominance for the respective gp2 and f3 euro categories where he acted as a consultant for the prema junior development team and helped manage structures there, which looked to be a testament of how effective luca was in nurturing and managing young talent, despite having left the fda which he himself had allegedly 'masterminded'. luca was also overseeing mick schumacher's development. there wasn't other known reasons as to why luca stepped down from the fda other than the sources i found implying that the decision was supposedly, or at least partly influenced, by lance choosing to leave ferrari. luca then continued to help oversee lance's development himself even when he signed on to williams junior programme. lance talked about luca a bit here in an autosport article:

"It's extremely important to have him with us and it's great that he will continue working with us. "He's been with me since a very young age, when he chose me to come on the Ferrari programme. "He's very good at watching what's going on between the team and the driver - he's quiet when he has to be, but when it's time to speak up he says some very good things."

— source, Autosport, 2015

it makes sense to want to fully continue seeing through a young kid's development to successfully graduate them into f1 despite it being with a different team. the fda was a new programme, and in comparison to other teams' driver academies eg. williams, mclaren's, red bull junior's programme etc, ferrari doesn't promote rookies directly to their f1 seat, assigning them instead to sauber or haas first before offering opportunities. lance also mentions how he knew it was pretty unlikely that ferrari would let a driver with less experience into the team. i think this says things about ferrari's culture, at least in comparison to the other teams that are more willing to put rookies in their seat (this is constantly debated by fans and pundits across the sport to be extremely pressurizing for young talent but i do feel that you have to also question the alternative that seems to be ferrari's methods. again, all this is highly dependent on other factors as well involving a single driver's experiences and their individual junior trajectory so ultimately, the debate to whether or not a young driver is 'ready' for f1 before they're even actually there is personally moot to me. but alas, i do find it vaguely interesting......)

i'm only focusing on lance's development here so i can't say much on the fda now except for an added anecdote that charles leclerc is currently the only graduate so far to be promoted to the ferrari seat after the obligatory sauber stint for his rookie year. again, solely speaking from a point of comparison to other driver programme's success rates on getting their talent into their f1 team, it makes the fda's effectiveness look a little bit questionable.

anyway, here's more of what lance said on his switch to williams:

“I feel like we can be closer right now with Williams, and I’m working with them rather than just being part of a training camp like at Ferrari. For the future, it’s the right move.” And Stroll also feels Ferrari is unlikely to promote a rookie driver into one of its race seats, while Williams has a proven track record with the likes of Valtteri Bottas, Nico Rosberg and Jenson Button. "Williams has a great history of believing in young drivers, they’ve given many rookie drivers a chance in Formula 1. That was important for us, because Ferrari has a different approach; they tend to take more veteran drivers to fight for the championship."

— source, f1i.com (2016)

[Question] Tell me about your role with Williams… [Lance:] "It’s been a great eight months with them. It’s been fantastic. The cooperation with me in F3 is great, they have the right understanding of me focusing 100 percent on F3 and not getting distracted with Formula 1. They just want me to finish the championship, they’re not pressuring me to jump in an F1 car and doing testing and things like that. They want me to focus on one thing at a time, and that’s great."

[Question] If the opportunity to jump into a Formula 1 race seat in 2017 came up, do you feel you’ll be ready? [Lance:] I do… but it’s easy to say it. I haven’t driven an F1 car yet, so I don’t have a complete understanding of what it’s like. Once I have a couple of tests under my belt, a bit more experience, then I’ll have a much better idea of if I’m ready to make that step just yet or not. At the moment I’m blind in terms of F1. I’ve driven F3, I’ve driven a couple of other categories, but I’ve never really sat in an F1 car. So I don’t know how much different it is to what I’m doing now, how much more complicated it is, how much tougher it is. They are all things I’ll figure out along the road. But if… if it is just another step, and if I’m comfortable in the car, then why not? F3 is a very high level, we’ve seen guys like Max – and I don’t want to use him as the example every time because maybe he’s an exception – but even guys like Ocon, Rosenqvist, these are guys that could do it as well."

— source, Motorsport, 2016

the headline for the motorsport excerpt above is extremely misleading but i think the interview shows pretty good insight to lance's attitude towards his own development and how he's got a good head on his shoulders with self-awareness of his own capabilities, despite having had more opportunities and the financial advantage that motorsports typically needs. he also talks about his former prema teammates felix rosenqvist (currently in indycar) and jake dennis (currently competing in formula e) and how instrumental they were to him in learning about his race craft during his first year in f3. here is a clip on lance back in prema talking about his teammates feat. esteban and lance's long-time driver coach nuno pinto.

at the end of his race season, lance won the f3 euro championship in 2016, the first north-american who's won in the category.

lance celebrating his championship win for f3 euro in 2016.

2017: lance accumulated enough points by then to get a super licence for f1 (which allowed him to skip f2, like max did). this makes lance the second-youngest driver to debut in f1 at 18 years old. while lance isn't tied to ferrari anymore, luca baldisserri continued to be his race engineer for lance at williams to keep seeing through lance's development in his rookie and sophomore years.

lance with luca on the paddock and garages (2017)

overall, the 2017 williams had a decent car (they were 5th in the wcc that year) and lance managed to score his first points at his home race. he also became the second-youngest to win a podium in f1:

lance's first podium at baku, 2017.

that's it! the rest is truly history ♡

if you're interested, here is an external post off tumblr that briefly and neatly goes through lance's f1 career including his racing strengths, driving style and teammate relationships up to the present, written by @strulovic and linked with her permission. i'm sharing it here just because i've found it to be personally useful myself as a starting point when i went down the rabbit hole of digging up research of his fda days.

#lance stroll #ferrari driver academy #a lot of this was canonical reference i was using while writing 1418 f***** au #and i thought to put it up here and share a bit of history* in a condensed fashion #*important and fundamental info i compiled the week after i kept staring at dave's life-changing fanart of ferrari au #*info #disclaimer i don't know how ferrari runs their programme now under jock clear so my own feelings of side-eyeing the fda still remains

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intheshadowsbehindyou · 7 months

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The Mercs take Y/N to a nearby carnival in the badlands

WARNING: Chaos ensues. Why the fuck would you take them anywhere?

Scout:

- He’s fine with this. He used to love going to carnivals. It was all him and his family could afford on weekends.

- You’re somewhat bothered by the heat but he’s resilient as fuck. “You want me to grab you some water, babe?” He doesn’t even wait for an answer. Returns in fucking milliseconds with water. You don’t know how he’s so damn fast.

- Sits on the fariswheel with you, he had planned this to be super romantic but he feels awkward. He tries to lighten the mood by standing up in the car and whacking his ball into the poor crowd of people. “Watch this. This is for you, babe.” The sandman ball hits a guy in the face and probably kills him. You’re pretty convinced he’s not alive anymore. “Home run!” He calls out. “Woooo!”

———————————————————-

Solider:

- EXCITED. EXCITED. EXCITED. If he were a dog he’d be wagging his tail. For all the wrong reasons. You know full well you’re in for a ride. It’s not a thrill ride.

- He takes the shooting games way too seriously. Gets mad when he doesn’t get the plush toy prize and pulls out his actual stock rocket launcher to rely on pure splash damage. (Where the fuck did he even hide that?) They’re forced to hand him his prize in fear for their lives.

- If you lose a game, he beats the shit out of the person running the stall. He insists it’s their fault and the game was rigged. Your shot is flawless.

- You leave him alone for TWO SECONDS and he’s already harassing a random bird on the fence he believes to be a Russian drone. Children are staring at him. You can’t take this man anywhere.

——————————————————————-

Demoman:

- He’s not used to this. He went to the Highland games as a kid. Never really had a carnival around his village. He experiences a bit of awe and intrigue as you walk the streets with him. He’s still in his vest and the people of Tuefort are heckling him. They know he’s one of those annoying mercenaries. He thinks this is fucking hilarious.

- He hates the food though. Eugh. He discovers pretty quickly he has a dislike for fried chicken. Insults America’s tastes to hell and back. Almost fucking vomits when he tastes the mac and cheese. What the fucking hell is wrong with you people?

- “Err.. Dontae think those rides are a bit dangerous?” He asks, jutting his thumb behind him. He doesn’t notice the kiddy rollercoaster breaking into pieces behind him followed by screaming families. He’s probably too used to that sound to process it coherently.

- Suspiciously eyes the men setting up the fireworks for tonight. He glares at them while sipping the cheap alcohol he begrudgingly bought at one of the food stalls. Nitpicks them for setting them up wrong. He sets them up himself but the fireworks nearly kill everyone. Turns out he made them more efficient. By that I mean deathly. “No, sweetheart. they’re FIREWORKS. FIREWORKS.” you tell his drunken stupid ass.

—————————————————————

Engineer:

- Oh fuck he’s excited. He had good memories going to carnivals as a kid. Eats like a fucking beast and doesn’t hold back. You watch this man consume more than his own body weight.

- Goes straight to the mechanical bull. Asks you to hold his cowboy hat he wore on the way here. “Sit back and let a big man like me show you how it’s done, darlin.” He doesn’t even fall off once. It looks like he’s barely even moving. He stands up on the fucking bull and flips off the last guy who ate shit on it. Embarrassing him in front of his kids.

- As you’d suspect he’s sort of insulting the lack of regular maintenance on the rides. Whilst in line for the Zipper he shakes his head like a disappointed father and scraps the rusted paint off the ride with his glove. Crushing it to dust between his fingers. Shakes his head some more and sighs.

- Congratulations. The state of these rides have broken this poor man. He can’t take it anymore. Take him to the petting zoo with the farm animals right now before he suffers a brain hemorrhage.

———————————————————————

Heavy:

- “What did little baby say about carnival?”

- He’s heard of carnivals in plenty of books but his life of isolation has prevented him from ever experiencing such a thing. The concept is almost alien.

- Well, he goes with you and he hates it. He looks like an incredibly discontent kitten the entire time. As you ride with him in all the kiddy rides, he looks even more pissed as he just so happens to break one of the rides upon sitting in it. The consequences of being a giant mass of muscle are truly unfortunate on this day.

- His face brightens up a little bit as you buy him a footlong sandwich. He’s never seen a sandwich this big before. He eats the entire thing within’ minutes.

- Finally you find a place in the carnival he somewhat enjoys but pretends not to. He hits the high striker so hard the bell fucking breaks and goes flying. He complains that this game is too easy — until he’s handed a cute little toy bunny of course. “I have been gifted rabbit?”

- Everybody is now batshit afraid of him.

———————————————————————-

Pyro:

- YAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- Bouncing in the car the entire way there. Miss Pauling had to drive you two there because Pyro doesn’t own a vehicle. She sighs in exasperation and asks pyro to“please quiet down, sweetie. Pauling is thinking.”

- You have a massive dog jumping off the walls of the car right now. They can’t sit still. Pauling is miserable. In other words, water is wet.

- Once she drops you off she makes you both swear to not catch anything on fire. It’s bad for business and doesn’t give them a good look. Pyro has no intentions of listening to her and heads straight for the fire eating performance. In their point of view; these people are somehow consuming rainbows.

- They do all sorts of things with you. Allowing you to lead the way to any attraction you felt drawn to. Whether it be trying to get dolls or getting on a ride. They seemingly want to do as much as possible before the sun goes down.

- after you tell them it’s late, they groan in despair but nod obediently. Prioritizing your guys’ shitty adulthood of work was sadly something that had to be done. They held your hand on the way back. Carrying a shit load of plush dolls in the other massive glove.

- “Did you two have fun?” Miss Pauling asks, you swear she puts on a motherly voice just for pyro. He excitedly claps his hands and agrees with her. She blinks though and sees the chaos behind you. You trace her gaze with confusion, wondering what she was gawking at. For some reason the entire carnival was on fire and you didn’t even notice on your way out that it spread to pretty much every corner.

- You both look back at Pyro. They’re holding a match. Of fucking course. Miss Pauling rubs her face. “I’ll call the firemen..” She sighs in defeat.

————————————————————-

Sniper:

- “Carnivals are stupid.” He says, a lit cigarette between his teeth. “Jus’ mediocre entertainment. Not even good. Believe it or not I have standards for my own personal pleasure as well. I’m not going to some stupid thick headed colonel sanders’ freakshow to eat hot grease n’ Emu legs.” You have to correct him that it’s technically turkey legs. “Whatevea mate.”

- You somehow manage to convince him anyway. But he was doing this only for you. He growls as you drag him by the hand onto the carnival grounds. Wishing he was back in bed. He glares at everybody who even dares breathe in his direction.

- He likes the farm animals well enough but quickly diverts his attention away in slight intrigue upon seeing the shooting gallery. You are thrilled and BEG him to win a prize for you. “There’s no way in hell i’m doing that, love.” You want to see this guy in action and the look of shock upon everybody’s faces as Sniper beats multiple children.

- Well.. Okay. But only because you keep inflating his ego with your compliments. He goes up, gives the person in charge his money, and brings the scope to his eye. Multiple kids are in the gallery next to him and missing every single shot on the fake cardboard animals. He mutters an insult to their ineptitude. He doesn’t even have to look to know they didn’t land a shot.

- Sniper takes down literally all the targets within’ seconds. Including the ones that the poor children were shooting at. Every. single. cardboard animal.

- The person running the stall begrudgingly gives him the biggest teddy bear they have. The Teddy bear that multiple families present were wanting to get in the first place. Kids are complaining and parents are complaining. Life’s suddenly great. Sniper looks amused at the amount of attention and cracks a smile at you. He wonders how you knew this would make him happy.

—————————————————————————

Medic:

- “Ack! what complete nonsense! I am far too busy of a man for such boyish games!” He acts dramatic about it. Crossing his arms and turning up his nose.

- “Yeah but— what if somebody dies on the broken ass rides? That’s like free organs right there.” You say.

- “Hoo. Well, you do have a point. Alright! I’m convinced. But only this once.”

- Medic is actually rather terrible at the gun related games. He can’t aim precisely. At one point you found a crossbow related game and he held his hand over his mouth in embarrassment. Realizing he had managed to hit everywhere but the desired target. You joke that hey— at least a life isn’t on the line this time. He passive aggressively slaps you over the head lightly with his glove and moves to the next game.

- You go to the bathroom and come back to see him dragging a bloodied dead body into his car. “Ah, I’d explain but it’s a rather long story!” he says enthusiastically. Accidentally holding up his equally bloodied ubersaw, and then immediately hiding it behind his back.

- He won’t go on the rides. He’s bold and brash but he isn’t an idiot. He knows full well those things aren’t structurally sound. He stands up tall in his usual thinking pose. A finger to his chin as he takes in the sight of the rides. “What are you thinking?” You ask him. He grins at you. That disgusting, devilish, i’m-making-an-evil-plan grin. You are now scared.

- He steals an entire fucking carnival ride for less than moral medical purposes. The ENTIRE FUCKING THING is in the back of his car and the car is chugging along. Wheezing and trying to get this thing back to the base. He’s going to break it apart and sow the parts onto a Frankenstein-like creature.

_________________________________________

Spy:

- Mother of god, can’t you guys go on a more relaxing date? One with less screaming, noisy music, and people? What about a nice five star restaurant? Or the park?

- He refuses to eat any of the food. At all. He’d rather starve in a ditch than eat such filth. Not even bothering with the alcohol. He avoids people like the plague and you’ll turn to ask him a question and WHOOOOSH! he won’t even be there until you reach your hand out and blink his invis watch by poking him. “Stop cloaking, pussy.”

- He literally begs you to choose another place. PLEASE. End his suffering. You swear you’ll find something here he enjoys though.

- You were standing in line for a ride and once you got to the front he had stepped out of line and said “Oh! after you.” In typical gentlemen fashion. Letting you go on the entire ride by yourself. You glare at him from the ride and he’s smirking mischievously. Waving his fingers to greet you.

- For the rest of the night he takes it upon himself to mess with you. You offer him some cotton candy and he hands it to a little boy in a stroller instead while nobody was looking. You saw that in the corner of your eye. “Im not fucking blind, Spy.” You say. He puts his hands behind his back innocently. “Oh, what? I consumed the wretched morsel like you asked!” “No, you didn’t Spy.”

#team fortress 2 #tf2 #spy x reader #medic x reader #demoman x reader #heavy x reader #pyro x reader #tf2 x you #tf2 x reader #sniper x reader #engineer x reader

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thebisexualdogdad · 9 months

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Could it be possible for you to write a lena Luther x male cowboy reader? Lena takes a trip to the country side and meets Reader who's the one who works with the horses he has the whole souther charm you know the whole hot cowboy aesthetic

Lena Luthor x Male!reader

Following a lead that her mother may have spent some time living in a small town called Sutton Hills in Kansas, Lena decided to spend the summer there hoping to learn more about her.

You and your family owned a cattle ranch outside this town and you were doing some of your daily tasks when you saw a woman standing next to her broken down car on the road in front of your home.

"You must not be from around here or else you'd know high heels and dirt roads don't mix," you laugh, riding up to her on your horse with two cattle dogs running behind you.

"I think the engine overheated," she tells you, the hood of the car popped with some steam coming out of it.

"Let me take a look," you say hopping off your horse and taking a peak, "yep looks like you're out of coolant, let me call my buddy who works at the auto shop in town and he can drop some off," you tell her pulling your phone out and sending a text to your friend, "it'll be at least an hour till he can get here and it's hot as hell out, do you want to come inside for a drink? My mom just made a pitcher of fresh lemonade. Oh and I'm Y/N by the way, this sweet girl is Dakota and those two are Scout and Jasper."

Every horror movie ever says that she shouldn't go inside a complete strangers home especially in the middle of a small town but the summer sun wasn't the only thing that was hot out here, your cowboy chic and matching accent was quite charming to say the least and your horse and dogs were pretty cute as well.

"Sure, lemonade sounds nice and I'm Lena," she replies.

"So where are you from Lena?" You ask guiding her towards your home, tying your horse to a post in the shade next to a water trough.

"National City," she says as you walk up the front steps.

"That's in California right? What are you doing all the way out here in Kansas," you ask, opening the door and letting her inside, taking your cowboy hat off and hanging it on the rack.

"This might sound crazy but I think my mom lived here about 30 years ago, she died when I was young and I was just hoping to learn more about her," she explains.

You walk into the kitchen and pull the pitcher of lemonade from the fridge pouring two glasses and handing her one, "that's not crazy at all, what was her name?"

"Elizabeth Walsh."

"Elizabeth Walsh? Hmm, that names sounds familiar," you say when your mom enters the kitchen, "hey ma this is Lena, her car broke down out front. She's in town looking for some information about her mom who lived here a couple decades ago. Maybe you knew her, names Elizabeth Walsh."

"Oh yeah I knew Elizabeth, we worked at the convenience store together before I married your father Y/N," your mom says.

Lena coughs, choking on the lemonade she was drinking, "wait you really knew her?"

"Sure did, real sweet girl and everyone loved her. She lived here for two or three years if I remember correctly," she responds.

"Do you happen to know where she went after Sutton Hills?" Lena asks.

"Last time I saw her she came into the store to quit, told me she met a man from Smallville not far from here and she was leaving to be with him," your mom tells her, "you know she left me a few of her journals, said she wanted to keep them safe."

"What was inside them?" Lena questions having a feeling she knew the answer.

"No clue, they all had locks on them not that I would have even felt right reading them, I put them in a box in the attic somewhere I can have Y/N look for them if you'd like," she offers.

"Y/N you would be doing me a huge favor," Lena says.

"No problem, I'd be happy to look for them," you reply.

"Mind if I help you?"

"Follow me," you smile at her and she blushes.

Up in the attic you start moving some boxes, looking for ones with more dust on them that haven't been touched in a while.

You spend twenty minutes looking through boxes, getting to know Lena when you finally find what you were looking for.

"These must be it, I wonder why she put locks on them," you say handing them over to Lena.

"I think I know why," Lena states, running her fingers over the lock of the first journal.

"Not sure how you're gonna open them, those locks don't even have a slot for a key, your mom must have some pretty interesting secrets," you chuckle.

"You don't know the half of it," she mutters, she already had a few spells in mind that she would try to get the locks open but you didn't need to know that.

Your phone buzzes and you see a text from your friend, "James is here, let's get your car cooled down and you'll be good to go."

Outside you and James pour the new bottle of coolant into the radiator of her rental car.

"You're all set," you say popping the hood back into place.

"Thank you Y/N, and thank your mom for the journals, you don't know how much this means to me," she says hugging you.

"It's my pleasure Lena and I hope you enjoy your summer in Sutton Hills," you tell her.

"Well maybe if you aren't too busy you can be my tour guide, maybe even take me on a ride on your horses," she suggests.

"Why don't we have breakfast tomorrow at Sal's diner, it's right next door to the motel you're staying in," you say.

"How's 9 o'clock sound?"

"I'll be done with my morning chores by then, 9 sounds perfect."

"Great I'll see you tomorrow," she says opening the car door, "and thanks for the coolant James."

"No problem," he replies and you wave at her as she drives off into town, "don't tell me you're falling for that city girl, I saw the way you were looking at her," James laughs..

"Aren't you the one who's always telling me I can't spend all my time on the ranch?" You joke.

"You didn't even get her last name," he teases.

"I'll get it tomorrow when I'm having breakfast with the beautiful woman from California unlike you," you crack back.

"Alright farm boy have fun fulfilling some fairy tale romance."

"I sure will, there's something special about her I just can't put my finger on it."

There certainly was something special about Lena and maybe you'd just be lucky enough to find out this summer.

#supergirl imagine #lena luthor imagine #lena luthor x reader #x male reader #fic

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lonewolfinthetardis · 16 days

Note

What are some of your favorite tf2 hcs if you have any?

God, I have so many... I am of course a firm believer in the hc that all the mercs are queer, under the trans umbrella, and neurodivergent.

This is one that @jamisonwritestf2trash brought up, Medic had spoiled Archimedes so much that he's basically created a monster. Archimedes is an absolute diva, and will throw a fit when told "no". Medic also refers to himself as Archimedes' 'father' (the German word for father though).

Pyro in some part of their mind, knows exactly what it's doing. "Pyroland" is mainly a trauma response that stemmed from a massive incident that happened when they were younger.

Spy is actually very careful with his money, due to his family being very poor. Most of the flash stuff he does is for show.

Demo learnt how to play the piano from his father, before his sight eventually failed. He loves to play it because it reminds him of when he'd hang out with his father.

Sniper loves to "go bush" when he has time. He'll grab the bare essentials and just go off. When he comes back, he's visibly happier and less stressed.

Soldier has very bad hearing, and Engie made him some hearing aids. He also knows a little bit of ASL from Pyro. Soldier does not like it when people bring up his hearing, and will get very defensive over it.

Scout is absolutely crazy at folding clothes, growing up in a house with 8 other people taught him how to fold clothes quickly and effectively. I also hate when people make him a misogynist, his ma would disown his ass so fast.

Heavy is amazing at chess, and is a brilliant strategist. He's fiercely protective of his mama, sisters, Medic, and his team.

Oh Engineer, I could go on about this guy. He loves being the "Team dad" and cooking for the team, especially if someone helps him. If given the chance, this man will infodump for HOURS.

-------

My other headcanons are mostly about Engineer (I have a massive list of them). I have so many other headcanons, I might make a post about them. Don't be afraid to ask me about any of my other hcs about the mercs.

#tf2 #tf2 headcanons #tf2 medic #tf2 archimedes #tf2 pyro #spy tf2 #tf2 demoman #tf2 sniper #tf2 soldier #tf2 scout #heavy tf2 #tf2 engineer #I love these mercs so much

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artoatsblog · 1 month

Text

Obligatory TF2 job swap au

Dell the scout- A living cartoon character, wears roller skates, has a stretchy arm that was given to him by Mick and sure he had to get his hand cut off but we all have to make sacrifices, thinks he's smarter than you and is probably, goes through a bunch of "rabbit season/duck season" type beats daily.

Jeremy the soldier- A military brat who's never been in the military, he can't feel pain and got his legs blown off by rocket jumping but he got over it.

Jane doe the pyro- Everyone thinks they're a mindless killing machine and there right, can't talk just growls and barks, very animal like (especially dog like!) in general, he was made to be Marasmus's familiar but ran away.

??? the spy- Their gender place of origin name and even their face are completely unknown to everyone by design as per usual, he still sees everything in pyrovision (or spyvision if you prefer) she knows that's not how everyone else sees the world but they can't tell a psychiatrist because that will reveal something about him self and "make her vulnerable", friends with soldier :) spy loves how useful his big dumb puppy is and Jane thinks spy is nice :) the only reason some of the Mercs know Jane's name is because Jane managed to mumble it out to spy.

Sebastian the medic- Squidward core, hates his job, he isn't as dangerous as the og medic But somehow manages to still get a lot of medical malpractice in just because he simply does not care, puts organs in the wrong places and uses the wrong type constantly, he's still Jeremy's father but he's not going to tell him that lol.

Ludwig the heavy- Vary deranged yet nice, in love with demo and he does the most gory love letters ever created which demo is simultaneously horrified and strangely appreciative of, gets all the animal parts for medic.

Mikhail the demo- The only person here who has common sense despite his intense love for vodka, only got this job to support his family but that doesn't mean he can't love it, his relationship with heavy can be accurately described as "What is wrong with him and why do I need him."

Travis the sniper- Considered a failure by his family and they don't talk to each other because he doesn't work with explosives, thinks animals are better than people his only human friend is Jane because Jane is more animal than human anyway.

Mick the engineer- Got rid of both of his legs to replace them with sentries, looks calm and sensible but he isn't trust me, still lives in a van because he doesn't want to talk with anyone, also still throws jarate at people because he's Mick muddy.

#tw alcohol mention #team fortress 2 #tf2 au #tf2 swap au #tf2 #tf2 soldier #tf2 medic #tf2 scout #tf2 pyro #tf2 engineer #tf2 spy #tf2 sniper #tf2 heavy #tf2 demoman

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boo-hoo-hooligan · 2 months

Text

I have a theory about Soldier.

He has amnesia or some kind of memory loss type shit.

Hear me out on this one, please, I swear this didn't occur to me because I just drank 15 cups of coffee.

TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR; death, severe injury, mentions of Germany in world war 2

So.

We know about the other mercenaries' families, right? Sniper's, Heavy's, Engineer's, Scout's, Demoman's... hell, even a bit on Spy's even if it's just Scout, Scout's ma, and Scout's siblings.

But we don't know about the families of three mercs. Pyro, Medic, and Soldier.

Pyro? Makes sense, we don't know anything about them. Name, Nationality, Gender... nothing!

Medic? Not as much sense but then again, he's German. According to my calculations, since he seems to be in his early 40's, then he'd be born around the year 1928 (the game takes place in 1968). This makes him around 5 years old in 1933, the start of H[]tler's rule, and around 17 in 1945, the end of the war.

With that in mind, his parents and/or close family are likely dead.

But Soldier?? Let's be real here, he'd probably be boasting about how American his mother's cooking is, or how American his father's mustache is.

Not to mention his canonical name... 'Jane Doe'. If you don't know, that is a placeholder name given to unidentifiable female patients and unidentifiable female corpses. (TransMasc Soldier confirmed???)

Why would his name be Jane Doe? Why would he be in a hospital? Some kinda head injury? Did the head injury perhaps start his delusions about the military?

Was it an accident involving his parents? The legal age to join the military is 17-35 years old. So, assuming he'd entered the second he could, then the delusion would have already been there. Meaning the accident probably happened before he turned 17.

So either his parents died in a freak accident involving Soldier, or he alone got into a freak accident far away from home.

Both of which would result in amnesia or some form of memory loss.

Parents died? Trauma response usually makes you forget stuff involving whatever incident happened. This happened to me, actually, it kinda sucks.

Freak accident (which, in my opinion, is the most likely)? Trauma response would likely kick in there, too, but memories not trauma related could be pretty fucked up in the process.

So yeah. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

*I bow as the audience boos and throws bread at me*

#If my head injury theory is correct #that could also explain why Soldier's constantly wearing a helmet.#i'm just saying #tf2 soldier #tf2 medic #tf2 #team fortress 2 #fan theory #theory #speculation #head trauma #head injury #world war 2 #world war ii #but HEY that's just a THEORY #a FORTRESS THEORY

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2frosty4you · 9 months

Note

Hello!! I'm the one who requested the reader getting hurt in battle haha, hope you don't mind me requesting again! Don't worry I won't be doing this too much lol. This one's probably a bit weird, so I completely understand if you don't wanna do it! I wanted to know if I could request the mercs comforting a teen reader who just got out of an unhealthy relationship? I just got out of a toxic relationship and it'll really make me feel better :,) Please and thank you!!

Mercs comforting teen reader after toxic relationship [Platonic]

Hi again anon! Hopefully you're feeling better now, it sucks horribly you had to go through that kind of relationship but at least you are out of it now <3

TW: Violence, blood n murder; the usual for ghosty's tf2 stuff

╔═════════════════╗

Scout

Big brother scout here is to kick ass for his younger sibling 💪💪💪

But honestly he doesn't know what do to, he offers to beat your ex's head in

Look its the scout way of showing his love, he's trying

Asks spy what to do, he doesn't help so he then goes to engie

He gives you some of his food, that being fried chicken of course

Soldier

"NO ONE HURTS A CADET UNDER THE WATCHFUL EYE OF AN AMERICAN SOLDIER"

He bellows down the hall when he sees you crying, look he cares about you. He just inst that bright

Already knows where your ex lives because he kept a close eye on them, more like stalked him but he's just being a good American dad

Beheads your ex and places it on a spike to use as target practice

Throughout the day he brings raccoons into your room, offers you guns and his American blankets

Pyro

>:(

Covers you in all their plushies and blankets, leaving you covered in soft pink balloonicorns and fluffy blankets

They roast marshmallows for you, and gets engineer to help make hot cocoa

They'll creep out of the base and hunt down your ex for hurting you.

Heavy

Russian man rise up 💪

He cooks you a nice traditional Russian soup

Keeps you on the couch and brings all the food to you, keeps scout far from you in this state

Will read some Russian fairy-tales or novels to you, with the lights dim and you covered in blankets

Gives you a giant bear hug

If he comes across your ex he will knock them out and give their body to medic

Engineer

Texan Father mode activated

The moment he finds you crying he is instantly ushering you to his workshop and offering to cook anything you wish.

He'll let you vent to him, but if you need silence he'll just work on his mechanics while in the room with you.

You are his child, no ifs or buts

and no one hurts his kid

but he'd get spy to give him your ex's address

then would absolutely strip your ex's car for bits and pieces, taking the wheels, engine, battery, steering wheel you name it

He'd bring soldier with him for optimal damage

Demoman

Drunk off his head (as usual)

Offers you his scrumpy

look he doesn't know what to do, like scout but he's trying to show you he cares

If you refuse the scrumpy he'd offer you to sit with him and just be in each others presence.

May or may not rig your ex's house with explosives

Medic

Where do they live, whats their phone number, whats their email, whats their blood type who do they live with and are they healthy?

You tell him any of that and he's instantly found your ex, kidnapped them, and while they're alive he takes all their organs and makes it as painful as possible

When you come for medic for some comfort he'll coo, patting your back while offering you a nice warm drink. draping his (CLEAN) lab coat over your back and letting you stay on his chair.

He's not good with comforting, but will let you vent to him and just stay within the med bay

Probably asks heavy to comfort you after a while

Sniper

Scraggly old man

Like most of the other mercs he has no clue how to comfort you during this time

I mean he lives out in his van and rather live in the bush than in a house

He'd take you out into the bush to get away from society, and keeps watch in-case you are anxious about your ex finding you

if you ex was extremely abusive sniper would kill them with no remorse, but ensure the bullet hits them where it would make their death slow and painful.

Spy

Spy comforting? lol no, sorry

He would pat your shoulder awkwardly

When you leave he's already tracked your ex down (not hard since he'd been keeping tabs on them ever since you two got together)

Blackmails your ex into the ground, forces them to make a video apology, give up their belongings and more. He sends the video and all his collected photos and videos of their abuse to your ex's family.

By family i mean everyone who is merely connected with them

Would throw his card at you, telling you nothing as he lets you go crazy with his money

He thinks retail therapy would help

If you thank him for anything he'd wave you off, saying "he deserved it" and lighting another cigarette.

╚═════════════════╝

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lem0n-writes · 1 year

Note

You should hmmmmmm write fatherly mercs NOW 👿👿👿👿👿

If u want to teehee

Mercs being Fatherly for you since yk ur fatherless and stuff also scout bc he’s ur lame brother

Scout

He isn’t really the person you’d want as a father figure, but he can definitely act as an older brother or just a sibling in general!

Scout also gives me fun but weird uncle, so if you want an estranged uncle who is pretty dumb, funny, and kind of rich??? then yeah he’s a good choice.

The kind of guy to watch sports and yell at the players even though he doesn’t know the rules, that’s so father of him

He would then proceed to try to teach you the sport, and he will fail.

You guys just end up playing catch in the yard, but y’all quickly abandoned the gear after Scout heard an ice cream truck

You walk home together eating your deformed character popsicles, Scout’s arm around your shoulder, and the sun setting

Heavy

If you need a father figure, you came to the right person

He had to be the ‘man of the house’ for a while since his father died when he was young, so he kind of gets how you miss that paternal relationship

He’s very good at comforting and helping you when you aren’t feel well or having trouble with things even though he doesn’t speak English very well

I think having three younger sisters contributed to that

When you guys get closer, Heavy starts watching you on the battlefield more and keeping you near him, just to make sure you’re doing ok

He worries about you even though you guys do this every day, but he just can’t help worrying for you!!

Heavy would read you books in Russian, even though you don't understand much of it, and it reminds him of reading to his sisters when they were younger

When you visit Medic, Heavy watches the doctor closely to make sure he doesn’t try implanting any animal organs that don’t belong, but don’t worry, Medic takes a liking to you too because Heavy likes ya :)

Engineer

Is it just me or does he just give me like childhood nostalgia? Might just be because I'm from Texas too

If you start sticking to him like a lost puppy, he'll quickly go with it. He'll be looking out for you on the battlefield even though you’re a smart kid

Engie will definitely teach you a bit about engineering if you're interested too! He's very happy to explain anything and everything, not only engineering stuff, but it'd lowkey just be him info dumping

He will update your weapons more often than the other mercs, but that also means you guys sometimes have little adventures trying to fix your weapons or hunting down the occasional bread monster herd

Y'all have fun though, and your weapon gets updates, so win win?

He reads stories to you and Pyro too, mostly fiction ones though like the Grimm Brothers' writing.

Speaking of Pyro, you two are basically siblings now, good luck. Engineer has a little nook for you two to hang out in while he works into the nights. If you and Pyro fall asleep there, he'll walk you back to your room, maybe read you a silly bedtime story if Pyro's still with you two, and wish you a good night

Medic

He’s a questionable choice for a father figure, but he's silly <3

You’d probably be in the infirmary or calling him a lot if he starts feeling protective of you, but he thinks it’s sweet that you always get your injuries taken care of in this line of work. Like if you get a paper cut, you make sure to slap a bandaid on it, y’all know what i mean?

I don’t know how to explain in a way that doesn’t sound weird, but Medic is weird so eh?

During battles, when he knows the Heavy is safe, he’ll run off to top off your health, even if you’re only down 5 HP, and he saves his Ubercharges for you and Heavy <3

But since you’re getting injured a lot, Medic decides to teach you some first aid past the basics

If you’re interested, he’d teach you more advanced biology and even let you assist in surgeries! You guys bond over spinning Scout’s organs around, and Scout is not happy about getting his lungs switched around with his kidneys

All this time in his medbay got his doves quite used to you, so they now have favorites, you and Heavy. Although, now sometimes Archimedes tries to sneak away from their dad to follow you

Heavy always brings Archimedes back to Medic after you give them treats

Spy

Oh boy

If Spy begins acting in a fatherly way towards you, you must be something special

And Spy doesn’t have the best track record with children, Scout and the kid from the Smissmas comic, however Spy does still care

It would mostly be shown through gifts or praise for your exceptional work, he’s just very proud of you!!

While you’re great and all, he still watches your back to keep you safe from energy spies, and she teaches you new tricks to surprise the enemy team

It’s a nice challenge for you while also bonding with your sort of father figure!

When you learn a new skill, he’ll be singing you praises to the team for the next few days and expect to find a shiny gift from them in your room that night

“Bien joué, you have done well this past week”

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