#you know when you have gay grandparents god I wish I did | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

goaways-stuff · 2 years

Text

Dark Days

Pairing: Steven Grant x transmale! reader, Marc Spector x transmale! reader, Jake Lockley x transmale! reader

Warnings: EXTREME MENTAL HEALTH WARNING! self-harm, mentions of mental abuse, this gets pretty dark so read at your own risk, transphobia, homophobia, mentions of religious trauma, extreme angst

Rating: Mature

A/N: Please do not read if you are considering self harm or suicide. I am not a mental health professional, this story is based on myself and times where I just needed someone there. There to reassure me, so a lot of this is things I have personally experienced, with creative liberties take of course. Anyway, be careful reading this. If you're worried you may relapse into anything, don't read this. This was honestly more for myself because fics like these do help me, and they may help others too. Just be weary, know your limits.

dividers by @firefly-graphics

Tears streamed down your face as wrecked sobs left your mouth. You were clinging to your favorite stuffed animal for dear life as tears stained the soft fabric.

You thought you could do it. You thought maybe they had had a change of heart. You couldn't have been more wrong.

Your parents had reached out to you, inviting you for dinner and to stay back home. Maybe it was going to be an apology for the things they did to you for all those years, you thought. Maybe they wanted you back in their life.

You wanted them back in yours. You had always longed for the unconditional love of a parent. After years of mental abuse from your family, you were finally able to escape, but not without paying the price of losing them. Your whole family turned their back on you: aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents- everyone. You assumed your parents had spread rumors and lies, or even worse- they told them the truth.

The horrible, disgusting truth about yourself. That not only were you gay, but you were transitioning to a man. You knew it'd eventually get out, but you had wished it would've been on your own time.

But all of that was many, many years ago. You had since transitioned, becoming the man you were always meant to be, met your wonderful boyfriend with three different personalities, each who you loved equally whom you had made your own little family with. You had the three of them, Steven's pet goldfish Gus (the second), and your vast array of plants.

You were happy with your new found family, loving every second that you spent with them in the comfort of the cozy London apartment, or anywhere for that matter. But, when your parents reached out, that longing for the live only a parent can give came flooding back, causing you to say yes before you could even think about what could happen.

You went eagerly to their house, your childhood home. As soon as you arrived, a feeling of regret rushed through your blood. Memories of the abuse your parents put you through conjured in you mind. You did your best to push it down, just wanting to see your mom and dad again.

As soon as that door opened, you were reminded of why you had left.

Your mother nearly burst out in tears at the sight of you; shoulders broadened, a light stubble over your cheeks and a sharper jaw, a much more masculine figure compared to when your parents had last seen you. She wailed as to what happened to her baby girl. She called your horrendous names. Your dad came running to see what the fuss with about before yelling at you, calling you slurs and justifying himself with his religion. They tried to convince you to come back to God, walk a more righteous path or whatever. They guilt tripped you, but you weren't going to let them manipulate you into coming back, no way.

You ran back to your car, tears welling in your eyes before speeding off. You quickly tried to clear your vision, not wanting to distract from driving. It was hard, but you managed to make it back to the apartment. Steven was still at work, as expected so you were alone. Left with your now, much darker thoughts than normal due to your parents.

That brings you to now, sobbing into your stuffed animal as you tried to silence the thoughts, but it was no use. Not even your happiest memories could shine through the darkness of the memories of abuse right now.

You tried so hard not to result to old, harmful coping mechanisms, but it was a useless battle. You found your feet carrying you to the bathroom, still sobbing with blurred vision. Your eyes were beginning to burn and that beginning to become sore. Before you could stop yourself, your arms opened to sink drawer, rummaging for the one thing that would take the mental pain away.

You old, horrible friend met with you once again. You picked up the razor blade. The bathroom light reflected off of it.

You tried so hard to stop yourself, you tried to think of your ever so loving boyfriends. It was what felt like an impossible battle. Before you had knew it, you had lost.

Your tears finally stopped as the shock from what you had done set in. The physical painting easing the mental one. You had a moment of mental peace before the panic set in.

What would Steven, Marc, and Jake think? God, they were probably going to leave you now. You had been clean for so long, not having done it since towards the beginning of your relationship. You probably deserved it though, because you sure as hell didn't deserve them.

The tears welled up as the thoughts of self doubt ran through you mind once again. The boys don't really love you, they're just with you out of pity for your sad, pathetic self. Look at yourself, Y/N, you're pitiful. An ugly man that still looked like a girl.

The dysphoria kicked in. Not one positive thought went through your head. You sat as the self-doubt crippled you. It was like a dark shadow, devouring more and more until there was nothing left.

The razor blade sat on the floor, covered in blood, your clothes were stained and drips were on the floor. It truly was a scary sight to see.

An even scarier sight to Steven, who just got off of work. He had no idea that you would be back, as you told him you were staying with your parents for the night.

He immediately dropped to his knees by your side.

"Oh my God, Y/N, what happened. What happened?" Tears started welling in his eyes and waves upon waves of guilt crashed over you.

"I'm sorry- I'm so sorry. Please, I'm sorry," was all you could get out. Your sobs were horse now.

He tried to reach out to you, but you recoiled. You don't deserve him. Look at waht you did to him

Tears were streaming down his face as well now. "Please, Y/N, lemme help you, please," He looked at you, but you looked away, unable to face him. Unable to face the consequence of you actions.

Before you could resist, strong arms wrapped around you, picking you up and placing you on the sink. You were still stringing together Apologies as he retrieved a first aid kit.

"Y/N, my love, listen to me. Can you hear me?"

You nodded, still unable to look at him, which he knew. He knew how to handle you in moments like these.

"I need you to breathe with me for a second, yeah?"

You nodded again. Steven inhaled slowly, you inhaled with him before he slowly exhaled. The two of you repeated this as he aided to your wounds. It hurt him to see, it hurt so bad to know that you were in so much pain that this is what you resorted to. Marc and Jake were trying to fight to front, but Steven reminded them of how he was much more experienced in this side of you than they were, and he wasn't wrong. It's just that in the beginning of the relationship, neither Marc nor Jake knew how to handle their own emotions, nonetheless someone else's, so whenever you would get in a state similar to whee you are now, the reigns would be given to Steven. Though, Steven did promise them time with you after he got you calmed down and stable.

Once you were bandaged and your sobs had faded into sniffles Steven moved between your legs, grabbing onto you waist and hugging you tight. The pressure of his body and arms squeezing you was calming.

Once the sniffles had also faded, and only then did Steven pushed for what happened, though he had an idea. An idea that your words confirmed. He could feel anger rising in him, not at you, no- never. At your parents. At your stupid parents. All you wanted from them was their love, and they couldn't even do that for you.

Jake muttered what Steven assumed to be curses or threats in Spanish towards your parents and Marc was seething, yelling in Steven's head about how shitty it was to have horrible parents, and boy did he know what that was like.

Marc and Jake both started watching from the mirror behind you, making sure you were okay.

Once you were done rambling about your parents, you started rambling about the thoughts. "Steven, I'm so sorry. I tried so hard, I really did. I'm sorry, please don't leave me. I know I'm a burden and I'm hard to love and I require so much, but please- Steven please," You begged him as if it was for your life.

"Y/N, I would never, all three of us love you so very much. To the moon and back, a thought- no million times there and back. Marc and Jake are so worried about you right now, they love you, I love you. You are a light in out darkness, everytime I see your face, I just feel at home. I feel at peace with you, I feel safe. I have never loved anyone more than you, Y/N." Steven continued a genuine ramble about his love for you. He didn't blame you for anything. He knew you tried, the only thing he made you do was promise that next time, when you were feeling this way, that you would try to get him. Call, text, whatever, at anytime, anywhere. He moved you to the bed, still holding you close to him. You buried your head underneath the covers and into his chest. Eventually, once you were more ground he let go of the reigns, Marc quickly taking over.

After seeing the state you were in, Marc quickly became glad Steven had been in control earlier because he was at a loss. He had no idea what to do, or how to comfort you. "Y/N- my sweet boy, I'm so sorry. " He took your hand, squeezing it in his. He kissed the top of your head- he didn't know what else to do.

At this loss, Jake finally took over, he wanted to see you. His precioso.

"Ay, mi amor, who did this to you?" He heard what happened, but he wanted to hear it for himself. And upon this, rage built up inside, pouring gasoline on his already raging fire.

"Y/n, mi vida, te amo mucho y tú haces todo mejor. No sé qué haría sin ti."

He remained calm with you, while he knew he couldn't kill you parents as he wished to, he would find a way to make them pay for what they did.

You eventually fell asleep, having were yourself out from the crying. Steven took control once again to take care of your sleeping form.

#steven grant #steven grant x male reader #steven grant x reader #marc spector x male reader #marc spector #marc spector x reader #jake lockely x reader #jake lockley #jake lockley x male reader #moon boys #moon knight

70 notes · View notes

sleepingnova · 2 years

Note

hi :D i'm new to this blog but i love your book project and i'm very curious what you're gonna come up with!

if it's okay i'd like to request realistic fiction with kuroo and yaku as the knights in shining armor and gems as the topping

looking forward to whatever you'll produce! 💛

Hello!! Nice to meet you :)

Only you.

Cw: angst to fluff, yelling, yaku calls kuroo stupid as a nickname, yaku gets called very mean words by tetsurous father and grandmother, homophobia

Tw: yelling

The Tetsurou Household was very..interesting to say the least.

His father was a well-respected man towards anyone. Everyone loves and admires him. His son does not.

He is constantly told that he is an embarrassment by everyone around him, even his own father and grandfather. His grandmother told him he was a disappointment. That his mother did not raise him this way. Why did he say this?

Because Tetsurou Kuroo is in love. With one of his best friends, Yaku Morisuke.

The pair had been dating for almost 3 years.

Until one day, he brought Yaku over to study.

He told Yaku to stay downstairs, while he cleaned his room, and that he'd call when he was ready.

Morisuke nodded and sat down. While downstairs, he tried engaging in small talk with his grandparents, but they refused to say a word, so he tried his father and nothing. He thought he did something wrong, or maybe they were going through something and did not wish to speak to anyone. He hesitantly blew it off and when Kuroo called his name, he went up the stairs.

Almost immediately after, they gather around the kitchen and started talking.

A little while later, the boys wanted snacks. Kuroo walked down the stairs, and let's just say everything went downhill from there.

"Hey dad, Yaku wanted to know if we had any... What's going on here? What are you guys talking about?" He asked.

So they got into it.

Yaku came down the stairs a little while later.

"Hey, stupid. What's taking so long? I'm hungry." Yaku said as he walked down the stairs, phone in his hand.

He heard a man's voice talk, then his name, followed by a "...this isn't right. I didn't raise my son to be such an embarrassment. And with that, that abomination! Son, there's still time. We can get you help, we can find the right girl for you." The man's voice spat, followed by a venomous woman's voice saying, "It isn't right in the eyes of God. This is cruel and unjust. His poor family. I can only imagine what his family has to go through. To have a homosexual son... It must be embarrassing and very horrific for his family. He's doomed, but we still have time to save you, my beloved grandson. You just haven't found the right woman yet."

"Are you fucking serious right now?! He hasn't done anything wrong! No, stop talking! He hasn't done shit to you. You don't get it, I love him. So what if he's gay? What difference does that make?!" Kuroo yelled.

The sight caught him off guard. He started to panic. He felt the tears start to rush. His breathing started to quicken. The floor started to spin.

"B-babe..could you please stop yelling, please..?" Yaku whimpered.

Kuroo couldn't hear his boyfriend's pleading over the sound of him and his father screaming at each other.

He couldn't bear it. Yaku walked forward, tears streaming down his face, vision blurred. He walked into the bookshelf and knocked over Kuroo's most prized volleyball trophy frame. He slid down the wall and buried his hands in his lap, silently sobbing.

The glass fell over and shattered.

Kuroo stopped and turned around, slowly.

"Yaku..? Babe? What's wrong?" Tetsurou asked, his hushed voice matching his actions as he slowly walked towards the boy.

Yaku's hushed sobs broke Kuroo. He swept his arm under the boy's legs and picked him up bridal style. He pulled him into his chest.

"Hey, hey, listen to me sweet boy. Would you like me to take you home?" He asked.

Yaku shook his head.

"Would you like to stay here? With me?" He asked.

Yaku nodded.

"Alright, sweet boy. Let's go." He started to walk up the stairs when Yaku tugged on his shirt collar.

"What about the trophy? I'm so sorry, I couldn't see. Please don't be mad. I'll fix it, I promise." Yaku rambled but was stopped.

"Screw the trophy, it's perfectly fine. I'll sweep it up later." Kuroo replied. He gave his father a look that said 'This isn't over.' and continued up the stairs.

He kicked the door open, walked in, and laid in his bed with Yaku snuggled into his chest.

Morisuke's breathing returned to normal, and Kuroo began to sing softly.

"Don't you give me up, please don't give up. On me, I belong, with you, and only you, babe. Only you, my boy, only you, darling, only you." Tetsurou sang, glancing down to notice the boy sleeping softly in his arms. He kissed his forehead and continued to softly hum, as he whispered a faint "I love you, sweet boy." to him and began to sleep.

I hope you liked this!! I really enjoyed writing this :)

With Love, Nova <3

#nova's beauties #personalize a book event!!#angst with a happy ending #haikyuu angst #kuroo tetsurou #yaku morisuke

9 notes · View notes

mystoriesnotover3110 · 2 years

Text

Truly I’m sad, deep down I’m really hurt, my best friend of 19 years or so and I are no longer friends, and not only did we stop talking but at the exact same time I lost my dog best friend, don’t get me wrong I love my fiancé and we talk about and do everything together, but there are times when I wish I could call Rialda up, or text her like when we were younger about things that I wanted her to be around for, like my engagement or me being in a healthy happy place with my family… Rialda and I have been friends for as long as I can remember, and over the years we have had plenty of ups and downs but this one truly hurts me, tonight my fiancé’s mom gave me a huge jewelry box and Rialda was the first person I wanted to text to show… I’m still extremely happy about it, I needed a place for my grandparents jewelry I never had a box to put the stuff in, and I also got some of my grandmas jewelry tonight and i wanted to tell her about that. Seeing her at the watermelon festival and her not walking up to me really hurt, it’s a two way street I shouldn’t always have to be the one to apologize or fight for a friendship… I understand where it can make her mad what was said regarding Bella and what my mom said, but my mom never directed it towards anyone particular, and God forbid Rialda ever has to go through something like that, I always wanted Rialda to be apart of this part of my life, me being engaged, and on to marriage and then one day having my own kids.. sometimes I wonder if it’s because I’m Gay, or idk, I really tried for the last year to be around to see her to see Zedin, to ask about her and her family.. idk maybe I’m just over thinking or whatever but it just makes me sad. I never thought after Matthew passed and we remained friends there would be any situation to keep us from being friends but I guess I was wrong. But as I’ve said before I won’t apologize for the things said regarding Bella because, I couldn’t live with myself if I’d given her to another person and she attacked them.. Bella had a lot more than just what I told going on, or had done more than what was told, and had plenty of chances… it’s hard losing a dog but even harder to lose the one person you never thought would walk out of your life, and I don’t know she could be going through things herself and if that’s the case I thought we were close enough for her to tell me.. I thought I would have seen Zedin more than I got to as well.. but anyways I just felt like letting this out Becuase I’m truly broken but I’m doing my best to stay positive and strong the way I know I can be. And If it’s about me loving a female or that she needed time or wanted time I wish she had communicated that with me rather than me sitting here thinking since may before the whole Bella thing that my best friend hated me or didn’t care anymore.

2 notes · View notes

psychedddd-out · 11 months

Text

𝐁𝐥𝐨𝐠 𝐏𝐨𝐬𝐭 #𝟔: 𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐏𝐚𝐩𝐚

Emotions are complex reaction patterns that include experiential, behavioral, and physiological factors (American Psychological Association, n.d.). A theory that deals with emotions that I like is the Discrete Emotion Theory because it is more specific and can encompass a lot of human experiences. Here, it is said that there are 12 basic emotions: interest, joy, surprise, sadness, anger, disgust, contempt, self-hostility, fear, shame, shyness, and guilt (Radhakrishnan, 2022).

In this blog post, I was tasked with writing a letter for a person that hurt me the most, so I figured that anger would be the main emotion that would show the most throughout the letter. I also believe that this will be a good way to help me cope up with my negative emotions as journaling or writing can reduce stress and help in managing bottled emotions (Watson, et al., n.d.).

To my Papa,

I was thinking of people who hurt me the most and I just could not help it, but it was your name that came to my mind first and it was like a reflex response from my brain, it was scary but at the same time, I know it is true.

When I was young, I know that you were not with me for a reason. You were working and I understood that thanks to my grandparents who raised me. I also knew that you were mentally stressed and unstable because of the relationship circumstances that you and Mama had. I had no problem with that, but why is it that growing up, I felt like I caused the problem? That I was the one that hurt you?

Whenever you would come home, you would always physically or verbally hurt me, and everyone around me just watched. They just watched because they were scared of you too. I remember that one time, we just came home from the grocery store and when we arrived, I went into my bedroom, you locked me in there for no reason. Why did you do that? Up to this day, whenever I look back at everything that you have done to me when I was a child, I still tear up and I still remember the exact same feeling of fear that I felt years ago. There were times when I would cry for long nights that felt like a river of tears all because something that gave a slightest hint in the present would remind me of something horrible that happened in the past. This went on for years and years, and until today. But you don’t know that. You never know anything.

You think that being a father is just about being able to give the necessities of life to your children. Every time you would get mad at me, you would bring up how your money was putting food in my mouth. Yes, it was, but isn’t that your responsibility in the first place? What kind of father would say that? It’s like I asked to be born in this world and asked to be fed. Sometimes, I always wonder if I am just a mistake and if being a mistake is my only purpose in life. I wish I had the courage in the past to stand up for myself, but no, you always gave out so much anger that it’s sad and scary.

There were so many times when you would come back to my life and say you changed. I trusted you for a lot of those times because I really did have hope that you would change. You’ve broken my trust a lot and you just keep doing and doing it for God knows what reason to the point where I am now sick of it. I am sick of you. I do not know why you are like this to the people around you. We have already suggested that you get psychiatric or psychological help but you always refused and even got offended. You said that we think you are a “sira ulo”, when in fact, we are saying that out of the littlest bit of love we have for you.

Recently, our family had a fight. A few weeks ago, you asked me and my sisters to be open to you, so I did. I told you I am gay. At first, you said it was okay, but over time you showed hatred towards me and for who I am. It went to the point where you blatantly told everyone that you cannot accept me and it led to the fight we had a few days ago where you said a lot of hurtful words and did some violent acts not just towards me, but to our whole family. You said you changed. You never do. You never will.

I never wish you bad, Papa, but I wish you get the help you need and that no one else around you suffer the same way I did.

References:

American Psychological Association (n.d.). Emotion. APA Dictionary of Psychology. Retrieved from https://dictionary.apa.org/emotion

Radhakrishnan, R. (2022). What Are the 12 Discrete Emotions?. MedicineNet (URL). Retrieved from https://www.medicinenet.com/what_are_the_12_emotions/article.htm

Watson, R., Fraser, M., & Ballas, P. (n.d.). Journaling for Mental Health. University of Rochester Medical Center. Retrieved from https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?ContentID=4552&ContentTypeID=1

Word Count: 828

1 note · View note

talisidekick · 2 years

Text

When my mother was trying to find a name for me, she thought of the name Alexander. My cousin was born before me, and in our close knit family, that meant my mother needed a new name. She struggled to find one she liked, and as she slept one night she claimed an Angel came to her in her dreams, and told her to "Name me [deadname]." A single sentence, said once before she awoke.

This story haunted me, because I truly believed an Angel gave me my name. Yet I wished I could take such a pretty name such as Alex. But did I not owe thanks and obedience to the God that Angel served? I tried praying, confessing, avoiding sin. I did my best to do everything right, but I knew deep down I was broken. I felt ... wrong, and wrong felt right. I was told indirectly this was evil. My mother abused me, physically and mentally, and I thought I deserved it. Because such evil was in me. I was beaten, publicly humiliated, ridiculed, and made to think I deserved every ounce of it. Highschool peers jeered at me, beat me, assaulted me physically and sexually, called me any slur for gay people they could. I was dropped off a balcony onto cement, kicked down a story of stairs, shot at by dried paintballs so it left welts, beaten bloody in the woods behind school, groped, and left to bleed heavily into a box of facial tissue after getting hit in the face with a base-ball bat because 'it was just the queer kid' that was hurt. I needed an ambulance, and school staff waited 45 minutes to call my parents, it was over an hour before I was at the hospital 15 minutes down the road. I thought I deserved all of this ... because I felt joy looking at "girl" coded school supplies and wished they were mine. Because I was evil and deserved pain.

I prayed, I tried. We weren't church goers but I tried praying in the pews when a friend or grandparent took me, but God could not scorch these feelings from me. The last time I prayed was at 14, when I ran home after someone I thought I was close to robbed me of my agency, and treated me as nothing more than a toy they could abuse and choke out if I didn't agree to their whims. I'd have to wear turtle-necks for the next week while the bruises on my neck healed so no one asked questions. I prayed, but it finally hit. God never answered once, I needed guidance, assistance, but there was only silence. That evening I went out for a bike ride, rode down to a corner I knew got very dark as the sun set and tried to step out in front of a car. It stopped just in time. My sweater had red shoulders and had he "... not seen my red sweater, [I'd] be dead." From that day forward, I wore black. I threw that red pocket bible in the trash after I'd finished crying on that rural street corner alone.

It took me years, with the help of my spouse, to grind down the walls I'd built up to finally have the realization at 26 and after 5 attempts on my life that I was transgender, gay, and polyamorous and in fact not evil at all. It hurt to realize I'd been lied to so much, pushed so much down I'd forgotten who I was. How I truly felt. I'd been forced to live someone elses truth, instead of my own.

So to the Angel that named me, fuck you. When I find you, I don't care if you put trials in my life to make me a better person, I'm going to pluck every feather from your wings, and beat the shit out of you. To my school peers, I'm better than you, cope with that. To my mother, I hate you for subtly letting me know you cherished my sister more, and for being transphobic, homophobic, and hateful. You're a child that never deserved to have me, and so you never will know your second daughter you never realized you had. I hope you know that for my entire life, you were nothing but a stranger, and I lied to you so you couldn't hurt me, so you couldn't know me. You have more of a relationship with the new kid manning the McDonalds grill than me. And lastly, God? Go fuck yourself you self-anointed self-entitled egotistical universal level prick. I don't care what you 'chose' me for. My family believed gay people were posessed by demons, but I'm not posessed: I'm the demon you created with your lies.

I've never told anyone the full story. But there it is, as I remember it. My memory isn't great on a lot of it. Self repression did a number to me. I wish I'd realized sooner, because now I see the truth. The true good of this universe is written in the history of those who stand up for equal rights and representation, it's commandments practiced equally in public displays of unity of diversity and privately whispered confessions in the arms of lovers. It's words preached on rainbow coloured T-shirts, pride and pronoun pins, and pride and gender identity flags. It's shrine, it's house of worship is the closet, the bedroom, the home, and queer nightclubs. It's smiles, it's joy, it's happy tears. It's freedom of expression. And it's 'agenda', unlike our enemies who's aim is an iron fist of control, is freedom and an end to all discrimination.

And they call me a 'demon' for seeing this as a good thing. ... bat wings are cooler anyways, and sky-foxes are adorable. Keep your stupid doves.

#mine #transgender #trans #mtf #lgbtqia2s+#lgbt+#transfem

0 notes

autisticandroids · 3 years

Note

wait if cas tells mary about his pregnancy in first blood are you saying mary finds out before dean?? bc didn't you say dean finds out cas is pregnant during lily sunder has some regrets???? god deans reagan era mom finds out dean accidentally impregnated the male angel and then has to keep it secret from dean...

okay so like. that post was NOT in fact in reference to my s12 allegorical mpreg au. it’s actually it’s own thing.

so like, my thought with this au is that cas and dean are sleeping together but it’s weird and complicated. like dean is still being repressed about it. i’m actually intrigued by a reading where like. they’re sleeping together and dean has come to the conclusion that Cas Is Gay (or worse, that cas is In Love With Him) but dean is still thinking of himself as straight and the thing he’s doing with cas as like. Not A Thing. Just Stuff Guys Do Sometimes. (this would have started in season ten or eleven?) anyway, no one but cas and dean knows they’ve been sleeping together and cas is in kind of a horrible emotional place about it (does he get to fuck dean? yes. does he still feel like dean doesn’t care about him at all? also yes.)

anyway cas somehow manages to get pregnant in early s12 and he finds out like a couple days before dean (like a true deadbeat dad) goes to jail, but he didn’t tell dean yet because cas is nothing if not avoidant. (yes that is serious meta by someone else yes i am linking it in my mpreg ask i am so sorry). anyway cas is planning to just sit on this Big Secret until either they get dean back or he starts to seriously show, but then he like. passes out on a hunt or something, and mary is like. what the FUCK cas. and he's too woozy to lie so he ends up accidentally telling her.

anyway mary is like *died in the reagan administration voice* c-can homosexuals do that now? and cas is just sort of like we don't have time to unpack all that but the reason i can do it specifically is that i'm an angel.

so like mary and cas do their whole. Tragic Women Left Behind When The Men Go Off To War thing a bit, and mary is also having a crisis because she's LITERALLY going to be a grandparent. she is LITERALLY going to be a grandparent. so she kind of goes insane with concern for cas because he did literally collapse in front of her (and because of sexism, you know how it is). and then when dean is about to give himself up to billie to make good on the deal, mary is like you Cannot do that you're Going To Be A Father and dean is like what. and then after everything mary explains while cas just sort of looks pained and doesn't make eye contact with anyone.

and dean is like. what the fuck cas. why didn't you TELL me and also why didn't you tell me that this was even possible. and cas is like i didn't know it was. and i wasn't sure what to do. i was going to tell you (probably) but then you went to jail.

meanwhile sam is like oh my god dean. dean have you been no homo fucking cas. dean he deserves better than that you MONSTER. you KNOW he's been in love with you for YEARS everyone does and you were no homo fucking him? and mary is like. dean, if you're an honorable man, you KNOW that if you get a girl pregnant you HAVE to marry her. you said homosexual marriage is legal now so there's NO excuse.

and dean is feeling hemmed in by being outed to his mom and brother, and also, both sam and mary are super mad at him for being kind of a dick to cas (which is valid on sam's part and wild on mary's but that doesn't change the fact that they're both laying into him), AND he's just had the fact that cas is pregnant sprung on him right after breaking out of prison.

so like he deals with this by turning around and getting incandescently angry at cas for outing him and babytrapping him (neither of these were really cas' fault exactly but that's irrelevant here). this mixes with his canon anger at cas for breaking the deal, which is even MORE now because cas is My Pregnant Wife Who Shouldn't Be Putting Himself In Danger Like That Or Making Serious Decisions For Himself.

and so the car ride back to the bunker is just this nightmare winchester family screaming match where sam and mary are trying to defend cas' honor while also acting like cas isn't even there and dean is humiliated and viciously angry at cas and cas is desperately wishing anyone could be normal to him about this and also considering throwing himself out of the moving car.

#deancasmalewives #spn #asks #mpregpocalypse #in THIS s12 mpreg au it's CAS who is the only sane man not sam #cas is so tired. he is so exhausted he just wants everyone to leave him alone #he wants his wings back so he could fly to the himalayas

212 notes · View notes

wonder-kid-pugh · 3 years

Text

Old Flame, First Love - (Tierna Davidson x reader)

"Alright stop it" Casey says as she grabs my phone out of my hand. "Hey!" I whine trying to grab the phone out of her hand. But Casey shakes her head and moves my phone out of reach, "No I let you mope but I am not letting you stare at pictures of your ex in the build up to to Valentine's day".

I just huff and play with my fingers not looking at her. She just sighs as she sits next to me, "Look I know your upset. Everyone is after a breakup. But you can't keep pining after her. Your an incredible person T and she majorly fucked up because she lost an amazing person breaking up with you".

I smile at her softly leaning into her, "Thanks Case". She throws an arm around me giving me a quick hug, "Anytime T. Now c'mon a few of us are checking out this bakery whereby wanna come? Some baked goodies may help you feel better?" I smile, "Yeah just let me grab my stuff". We quickly grabbed our stuff before meeting some of the team down in the lobby. "We all set?" Alyssa asks as the the two of us walk towards the group. We nod before we start the walk.

You could see Casey trying to distract me from all the conversation of Valentine's Day as well as all the decorations in the passing stores. And while I did appreciate her effort it didn't seem to work.

"Is this it?" Julie asks as we come to a stop in front of a small colourful store. Ali checks her phone before nodding, "Yup this is it". I couldn't help but tilt my head at the sign. For some reason it sounded familiar. I just couldn't place it. "Cookie bro?" Casey sniggers looking at the sign. Ali shrugs, "They're huge here. They have really good reviews". "They can call themselves whatever they want as long as they're good" Ash shrugs.

The rest of us nod before entering the store. The store was fairly simple with a few tables which were all filled with what could only be described as extremely happy customers. There was a large display case filled with mouth watering goodies. The was a large section of cookie as well as cupcakes, donuts and so much more. "Damn these look good" Julie mumbles licking her lips. "I kinda want a bit of everything" Ali nods as her eyes dart from treat to treat.

I couldn't help but furrow my eyebrows as I look at the display case. Why did these look so familiar?" But it quickly came to me when I hear a voice coming from behind the counter that it suddenly hits me.

"Hello! Welcome to Cookie Bros! How can I-"

But she immediately stops and drops a bag of cookies on the counter staring at us, in particular me, wide eyed. I could see the girls tilt their head at her but I bite the inside of my cheek.

"Y/n?"

The girls looked between the two of us watching to see both of our reactions. I couldn't help but smile as I see that even after all these years she still did the thing where she bites her lip as she drums her fingers against the counter while she thinks. She then just gave me a weak smile picking up the bag she dropped and putting them to the side, "Hey T".

Julie looks between the two of us, "You know each other?" I bite my lip as Y/n just rubs the back of her neck sheepishly, "Uh yeah we go way back. All the way back to when T wanted to be an astronaut". I only nod before an awkward silence falls between us.

Almost as if we suddenly remembered that we weren't alone she clears her throat before tearing her eyes away away from me as I shuffle on my feet finding my shoes very interesting. "So what can I do for you all?" She asks smoothing out her apron which was covered in flour and other ingredients. "Well what do you have?" Ali asks peering through the display case.

Y/n's nervous persona just seemed to be wiped away as a smile spreads across her face as she moves behind the display case, "Well we have a big selection. Our main speciality's are cookies as the name suggests but we also do some delicious cupcakes and donuts if they tickle your fancy?" She opens the display case and pulls out a few different cookies and puts them on a tray pushing them towards us. All the girls pick a cookie and try it and their reaction was almost instantaneous.

"Oh my God! Bitch this is so good!" Ash exclaims as the rest hum in agreement. I'm about to pick one from the tray when a cookie is held in front of me wrapped in a napkin. I see Y/n standing there holding the red cookie out to me rubbing her head sheepishly.

I chuckle as I take the cookie from her, "It's good to see some things don't change". As I take a bite of the cookie I can't help but moan in delight as the familiar taste of red velvet fills my mouth. Y/n snorts, "Good to see you still have a sweet tooth. You always seemed to have a thing for my red velvet. Ironically".

Once again we both make eye contact before looking away with a light blush on our faces. I could see Casey raise an eyebrow at me before turning to Y/n, "This is amazing. What is it?"

Once again she clears her throat the blush dying down a bit, "That would be my s'more cookie". She starts pointing from one cookie to the next, "We do loads of different flavours. Oreo, Reese's chocolate, Aero Mint, Golden Swirl. We also have some special ones for Valentine's if your interested?"

"Is there a way to buy them all without getting into trouble with Dawn?" Ash asked licking her lips.

The others drift along the big display trying to decide what ones to pick out while I moved to the counter where Y/n was moving around stuff. "So you opened up your bakery just like you always wanted". She nods, "With a little help from my grandparents yeah". I bite the corner of my lip, "And your parents?" She gives me a weak smile, "Still the same homophobic assholes who call me once a month telling me they found a good husband for me to marry".

I put my hand on hers stopping her from moving stuff around the counter making her look after me, "I'm sorry Y/n/n". Her eyes focus on our hands before she sighs running her hand over her head smoothing out the stray fly aways away from her face, "It's okay. It hurt. A lot. But it's a lot better at my grandparents. They were a bit awkward at the start but they came around to it and they still love me so I'm happy". She chuckles lightly, "You should have seen my parent's face when I told them not only was I dropping out of college but I was also gay. I honestly thought they were about to have an aneurysm there and then".

I couldn't help but laugh as I picture it, "Yeah they were never the most open minded". She nods, "Yeah..." It was quiet for a bit as she just moved her thumb over the back of my hand making me squeeze her hand lightly. "It's good to see you doing so good" I whisper. I could see her suck in the side of her cheek biting the inside of it, another thing she has kept from childhood, "Well it's like you said, the world keeps spinning even if you don't want it too". I couldn't hold back the wince as I remember the last conversation we had before I left for college, "Y/n..."

But she quickly shakes her head, "It's okay T. You don't owe me anything...I wish it could have just ended differently I guess". I didn't even know what to say after that. What could I even say after that?

But I didn't even get the chance as the girls walk back over to us. I step back as they all tell Y/n what orders they wanted. I wait as Y/n boxes up all their orders and they pay. Once they're all done we start heading for the door before I'm called back, "Hey T!"

I turn to see Y/n holding up a box for me, "Some of your favorites and a few extra for your teammates". I take the box from her with a smile as our fingers brush lightly, "Thanks Y/n/n". She just returns the smile, "Anything for my favorite taste tester. I-it was good seeing you again T". I smile softly at the girl, "Yeah you too". She nods slowly before disappearing back behind the counter leaving me to leave with the girls.

We have barely stepped out of the store when all the girls turned to me, "What?" Casey smirks at me, "What was that?" I try to shrug it off, "What was what?" Julie rolls her eyes, "What was up between you and the bakery girl back there?" I shrug not looking any of them directly in the eye, "She's just somebody I knew a long time ago". Ali scoffed, "Looked a bit more than someone you just knew". Casey nods before turning to me, "Did you use to date?"

I lick my lips, "Not exactly..." I could feel everyone's eyes on me as I sighed, "We were best friends. We had a....thing? Between us for senior year but it never went anywhere". "Why not?" Julie asks tilting her head at me. I start to twist the ring on my finger around, "We....look we were...we were both heading for different colleges. I didn't think it was going to work out. It just wasn't going to work between us".

Casey raises an eyebrow at me, "Why do I feel there's more?" I sigh again, "She was the first girl I liked. Practically the reason I realised I was gay".

The group stopped and looked at me. "Woah" Ali mumbles, "that's pretty heavy". I nod, "Yeah". "Well it's obvious that she still has feelings for you" Alyssa comments earning nods of agreement from the others.

But I quickly shut it down, "No. There's no way she still likes me". Casey gives me a look, "T anyone with eyes could see she is still interested in you". "Trust me there's no way she likes me after how I left it". But before they could question me further we step into the lobby only to be seen by Kelley and Sonnett who immediately lock on the bakery boxes.

"Oh what did you get!" Sonnet asks trying to look into the box. Before I could ever say anything Kelley already snatches one out of the box, "Hey!" She pouts at me, "Please T. Cardinals forever..." I sigh, "Fine but don't touch the red velvet ones". Kelley and Sonnet both shove a cookie in their mouths and moan in delight. "These are so good! Where did you get them?" Kelley asks trying to go for another before I pull the box out of her reach.

Julie smirks, "Ask Tierna. She'll probably get you some free seeing as she knows the owner". But of course Kelley and Sonnet catch the teasing under tone and grin wildly at the redhead defender who narrows her eyes at her red stars teammate.

"Ohhhh. Baby T have a crushhhhhhh" Sonnett grins. Kelley wiggles her eyebrows at me, "Did T find someone to be her valentine?" I blush and shove past them, "Shut up". As I went back to my room one thing was for sure.

AJ was definitely no longer on my mind

............

"Happy Valentine's Day!"

Tierna plastered on a fake smile as she watches all the girls with their partners. As a surprise Vlatko had all the girls partners flown in to celebrate Valentine's Day. He had sent me an apologetic smile which I only shrugged off returning it with a smile. I slumped back in my chair playing around on my phone.

Just when I think it couldn't get worst Alyssa nudges my side.

"Delivery for Valtko?"

I gasp as my head snaps up at the voice. Only to be met with the familiar y/e/c orbs. She was standing by the door carrying several boxes donned in her casual clothes with her jeans a muscle tee and her trademark plait shirt. But my gaze is pulled away by Sonnett.

"That's who Tierna was talking about?" Sonnet chokes out. Lindsey lets out a low whistle looking Y/n up and down as I glare at the two blondes. "Well done Baby T" Kelley mumbles watching as Y/n sets down the boxes only to be smacked in the back of the head by her girlfriend.

They were right. Y/n looked great. Back when they were younger she was more slim and skinny. But now she was taller and a lot more built. It seemed that carrying heavy bags of flour did wonders for Y/n upper body. The girl looked like she could have been fighting in the UFC for Christ's sake. Which made it kinda funny to see her stand there awkwardly not knowing what to do.

"Hey Y/n!" Casey shouted waving her over. "What are you doing?" I mutter as Y/n makes her way over to the table scratching her head, "Uh hey again". I smile at her, "Hey Y/n". She shuffles on her feet, "Uh I delivered a bunch of Valentine's treats. I guess Valtko ordered them after he heard you guys talking about them yesterday". "You made these?" Kelley's girlfriend asks holding up a cookie which had melted chocolate on the top with sprinkles and the little love hearts on top. Y/n nods shyly. "These are awesome!" Kelley smiles at the young baker. Y/n blushes as the team and their partners voices their agreements, "I-its nothing really".

"Why don't you join us? I'm sure Tierna would enjoy the company" Julie asks from her seat beside her husband. Y/n bites her lip, "I-I wouldn't want to impose. Where's your girlfriend?" Now it's my turn to bite my lip, "We broke up...."

Her eyes widen, "O-oh I'm sorry. I didn't know. I didn't mean to..."

But I shake my head with a small smile, "It's fine wanna sit?" She slowly sits in the only chair available which is the one beside me. Conversation flowed around the table. Except for between us. Neither of us really knew how to start a conversation between us. But of course my teammates caught on and included us into their conversation helping us to at least communicate between each other.

But it was when Kelley suggested Couple games that I turned to Y/n, "Wanna go for a walk?" She nodded and we both fled from the meal room and away would could have only been a horrible attempt to deveal into our past and walk to the small garden at the back of the hotel.

We walked quietly for a bit before I stopped and turned to the baker, "I never got to apologise to you..." She just shrugs though, "You have nothing to apologise for". I shake my head, "I do".

I take a deep breath, "I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry for how I handled things between us. It wasn't fair on you. I hope you know I only wanted you to be happy". She scoffs kicking a small stone with the toe of her shoe, "That's rich". I study her side profile as she stare in front of her, "For someone who wanted me to be happy, you really didn't take my feelings into account". She stops and looks at me fully, "I know we were both still figuring things out at the start and that was fine. But the more time that passed the more certain I was about my feelings for you. But you were still figuring it out and that was okay cause I was willing to wait for you. All the sneaking around and hiding it from everyone that was okay because I had you..."

"I waited the entire Senior year not wanting to push you but being happy to have a part of you. I was okay with all of it. What I wasn't okay about was the fact you didn't even give us a chance..." I pursue my lips as she continued, "As soon as college rolled around we broke up. Well I suppose we didn't seeing as we didn't even start". It was now I could see tears welling up in her eyes, "You gave up on us before we even had even begun".

I shrug helplessly, "You were right. You had waited for me for so long and I still wasn't sure but by the time I had figured everything out....it was too late. We were heading off to college, on the other side of the country from each other. I just couldn't ask you to wait any longer for me....I didn't want to risk losing you so I thought it would be better to end it there. And just let you forget about me".

She just scoffs again, "You really thought I would just forget about you?" Her lips part I'm disbelief, "You were the first girl I had ever liked...My first Love". She shakes her head at me, "It's not that easy T".

"I didn't want to have these feelings at first either. They're scary. But they're scary because they're exciting. And I get it, the fear of letting someone in, getting close to somebody and just not working out. I was terrified but I was willing to take that chance for you. I was willing to accept that fear for you". She threw her hands up, "Instead you left me brokenhearted. The one person I thought would never hurt me, hurt me the most".

I bite my lip trying to ward off the tears, "It was only after I left you that I realise what I had truly done. How badly I had screwed up. But I couldn't go back, not after what I had done to you. I tried to convince myself that I was doing it for us to save us from hurting each other in the future but what I ended up doing was so much worst. All because I didn't want to admit that I was in love with you".

Both of us stood there with tears streaming down our faces. I licked my lips stepping towards her moving my hands up to her face slowly. Just like his we use to when we were younger. She leaned into my hand but with a pained expression on her face almost as if my touch hurt her. "Please don't" she croaks out, "don't give me false hope. It'll only hurt more". But I shake my head gently, "I won't. I'm not". She looked straight into my eyes, "Promise me. Promise me you won't leave again". I lean my forehead against hers, "I Promise. I promise I won't". My eyes flicker down to her lips and back up to her eyes. I try to find any bit of hesitance or doubt but I don't find any. I slowly start to lean in giving her enough time to pull away. But she doesn't and our lips meet. Her hands go to my waist as my hands cup her face trying to show how sorry I was through the kiss.

The only reason I pulled away was due to lack of oxygen. But when I opened my eyes I couldn't help but giggle as I see her eyes still closed as her chest heaved with breaths. I look around us until I land on a patch of flowers. I try to walk over to them but Y/n's grip tightens as her eyes flutter silently begging not to go.

But I just chuckle and kiss her cheek giving her a reassuring smile before slipping out of her arms. I pluck a flower from the patch and turn to her. "I know I can't take back what I did. But can we at least start over?" I can see her bite the corner of her lip before a soft smile spreads across her face, "Only if you'll be my valentine?" I grin and nod, "Deal". She takes the flower gingerly from my hand before pulling me in by the waist and kissing me again. I yelp before smiling into the kiss. When she pulled back she kissed my forehead, "Happy Valentine's Red velvet". I chuckle at the old nickname after my favorite of her creations.

"Happy Valentine's day Chocolate Chip".

Hey guys!!! I know this is late but it was longer than the other one and....yeah? But it's done now so yeah.... honestly I had another idea but I might leave it for a while and tweak it a bit. I know this isn't the best but nowadays I'm running on fumes. Anyways I hope you enjoy. Until next time, bye!!!

#tierna davidson x reader #tierna davidson imagines #tierna davidson #tierna davidson imagine #uswnt imagine #uswnt imagines #uswnt x reader #uswnt

191 notes · View notes

postmodernmulticoloredcloak · 3 years

Text

So due to popular demand I watched episode 2 of Walker for you guys. Part 2 of 2

The pilot was more interesting and it wasn’t interesting. But let’s continue, maybe it’s gonna get better.

So my cookies are ready now! I ate the smallest one to check if they’re good. They are. At least I have my cookies.

Apparently now they have to take a horseriding test. Walker puts the saddle on a horse. But he gets emotional. The flashback music starts. If I see more of these I will develop rabies symptoms. I’m sorry this is what we’re talking about. This is Geneviève Padalecki’s role in this show.

Walker gets on the horse. He touches the bad and the flashback sound effect plays. Rabies. “Walker are you okay?” Ramirez asks. He nods. I’m Fine Lie #9000.

No, wait. He gets off the horse. Dude it’s called handling a loss badly and they have therapists for that. Please go to therapy. There are literal professionals trained to help you with that.

He takes off his hat, which lets you know this is serious.

He goes at the bar run by the lady who was with Emily when she died. He is no longer a ranger until he passes the test. We are happy about it because he is not in the psychological conditions to be a law enforcement officer. Oh, wait, we’re supposed not to be happy about it. Honestly, I’m not sure. Is he supposed to be relatable, or are we supposed to think that he’s screwed up and should not be a cop or a parent right now? Because he’s ostensibly the latter but maybe the intentions of the writers are the former.

He says that James thinks he’s “not quite right in the head”. Mmm… are we supposed to think James is being exaggerated? Because it’s true. He’s not in the conditions to do this job… he needs to get professional mental health support, period.

They reminisce about Emily and Walker repeats the same things that made him think there’s more to the case than it appears, like the way her eyes were closed. The bartender confesses she closed her eyes. Well. That was anticlimactic.

In the meanwhile, Liam the gay brother meets his partner for lunch. He’s attractive. Liam would also be if he weren’t dressed and hair-styled like that. I dunno. The partner wants them to move to New York. They joke about dying of queso.

Augustus goes to take pictures with his mother’s camera and has a glowy flashback of his own. “He’s sensitive. He keeps a lot inside, like his father” his grandma comments to her husband. They talk about Walker fixing the house. “He wants to pick up where he left off” she says. I am hurting inside. Did they write this with the Supernatural pilot script open on the desk!?

Ramirez keeps working the case. Turns out, the horse that died wasn’t the horse it was supposed to be (a famous racing horse). Someone swapped the horses? I don’t care, actually. I’m gonna skip the case details.

Walker eats tortilla chips with queso. And begs Ramirez to let him work on the case because that’s all he knows how to do. That’s stolen from a couple Supernatural episodes when they talk about hunting, but okay.

“You know how you can see a horse’s soul in its eyes?” …no, but okay.

They’ll need to find the mysteriously disappeared horse… which is loose! In the hospital! No, not in the hospital. Just on a road. Best shot in the show, big dark horse walking around Austin.

They need to go find the horse. Obviously Walker volunteers to get the horse. “Might not be a ranger, but I’m still a cowboy”. I’m crying this is so cliché.

You know Walker is cool because he gets out of the truck without using the little step.

It’s so deep.

Oh my god. He. He follows horse dung. It’s. It’s literally a plot point. He tracks the horse following horse poop.

He finds the horse, feeds him a lil sugar cube, puts the reins on him. It’s a beautiful horse. Can’t the show be about this horse?

Billionaire bad guy (owner of the horse, set the fire to pretend the horse was dead because lots of bets were placed on the horse, but the horse was lightly injured so couldn’t win) driving towards his plane to catch his plane to escape. James and Ramirez do a car chase.

Bad guy lackey shoots at their wheels so their car stops. But Walker arrives on the horse, gets Ramirez on the horse and they ride the horse to the bad guys’ car. Ramirez gets on the car and punches the bad guys unconscious.

For some reason (I mean, budget limitations) the fighting sequences are very quick. I would have watched more of Ramirez kicking billionaire bad guy’s ass on a moving car. But it’s fine, I mean, if this show had a bigger budget they’d spend it on more cowboy hats, so it’s fine.

Walker, James and Ramirez celebrate at the bar. Apparently the bad guy’s lackey that was supposed to get rid of the horse loved the horse too much and set him free in Austin. Mood.

There’s still a third of the episode still to go, though. Drama will ensue. Indeed Liam arrives and is super pissed off at Walker for missing lunch, which he forgot because he was busy with his lil tests.

Liam says Stella didn’t show up to the game. Walker says he know where she is and gets Ramirez to come with him.

Indeed she’s thrown a party at their house. Walker asks her what she’s doing. “Being a disappointment I guess” she answers. He asks her why she missed the game. She says that it shouldn’t be so easy to get a second chance after messing up - like him. He’s like, a second chance? It’s not like a stopped being your father. Except… you did? You disappeared from their lives entirely. He calls her out for damaging the house and she’s like, it’s not even our home anymore but I’m supposed to treat it like a museum? Honestly her scenes are the only interesting thing in this show. He says he’s back now, but she says that being back isn’t enough, what makes a parent is *doing parent things*, supporting the kids.

“I wish uncle Liam had gotten custody of us when he tried” she eventually drops the big bomb. Ouch.

He’s super pissed off, takes off the hat dramatically, and drives back to Liam. He gets off the drunk and immediately assaults Liam. “You tried to take my damn kids!”

I’m flabbergasted. They. They just wrote a plotline where a gay man tried to ~steal a straight man’s children~ like it was a good idea. I mean! Liam getting custody of the kids would have been a VERY GOOD IDEA but what, we’re supposed to think he was wrong? I am so confused because I can’t tell if we’re supposed to be on Walker’s side or not. He is NOT in the condition of being a parent. The kids SHOULD be under the custody of their grandparents and/or uncle. Not because he’s traumatized by loss, but because he’s not trying at all. He keeps saying he’s trying but he’s not. He gets aggressive too easily and it could be dangerous.

Anyway the brothers have this physical fight which isn’t by far the most embarrassing thing in this show so I’ll let it slide. “You had no right!” Walker says, to which Liam replies that he gets it was rough but “you went dark! That was negligence!” Which is absolutely right and he should have gotten the custody of the kids. Liam mentions that their parents also agreed on the thing, and Walker yells “these are MY kids!” which is appalling, because being the biological father of some kids doesn’t make it okay to disappear on them for months and being mad if someone else stepped up to be their parent in your absence. “I didn’t want them to be orphans, did you!?” Liam yells back.

“I would never _take_ them, I wanted to protect them,” Liam says, and says more very reasonable things. “Even now you’re not here.” Walker yells that he is here (again, being physically in Austin doesn’t make you a parent, like Stella said), Liam replies that he’s chasing ghosts.

He brings up the things that don’t add up again, like the poker chip. I’m afraid that the narrative will prove him right, that there WAS something there and he was right to follow through the case despite everyone else telling him he was being delusional and that he should let it go and focus on the family. It would be actually good if it turned out that there was nothing there, that it was all coincidence (like the friend closing her eyes) and that he just chased ghosts for real, but I’m afraid this isn’t that kind of show. I think they’re playing it straight, that they’ll make Walker be right, and it will suck.

A note: now that he’s fighting and yelling and being angry, Jared is actually acting properly, which I don’t know if it’s a good thing or creepy.

Actually Liam says something very reasonable now, that answers will not actually satisfy him, her being gone will never make sense emotionally. The poker chip isn’t going to bring her back. He will lose everything if he keeps searching for something that isn’t there.

Now that Walker has calmed down, Jared returns to doing Jared mouth things. Oh no! Augustus watched them fight.

Oooh. Augustus gives him the present Emily was going to give him for father’s day. Poker chips. “She kept a few of the chips so she could show people” (what? But okay). Another of the mysteries was actually not a weird conspiracy at all. I suspect the narrative will make us believe there was nothing there to just pull a twist afterwards. It would be interesting if Walker were indeed looking for nothing, but I doubt that’s what they’re doing. They’re playing the tropes too straight.

Meanwhile Ramirez comes home to her boyfriend preparing a homemade dinner. She says she’s happy he’s there, and that scares the crap out of her. She wants to get both the job and the relationship right. They’re really cute and I hope their relationship doesn’t get drama-fied for drama. A healthy relationship where two partners figure out how to navigate it together, with normal minor bumps along the way they face together, would really be a good thing for the show to portray.

The next morning, Walker is making breakfast when Stella enters the kitchen. She doesn’t speak to him but gets on her phone so he starts texting her. They have a moment. He was looking for him mug and she gets it out for him. She says it reminded her of him being gone so she’d put it away. They do a bonding activity (bringing a memento from their old house to their new one), she cries, he hugs her.

Back at the ranch, Walker’s father has made him a new saddle. Gramps Walker is rough around the edges but has a hidden wisdom.

The emotional moment is kinda broken for me by the big Texas flag they have inside the house. I suppose it’s just how Texas is but it’s still funny for that very reason.

Augustus for his school project has put together a video from old family footage. Lots of flashback, but this time with a regular song and not the rabies sound effect and with the soft lighting but not the most extreme glowy effect, so it’s kinda okay.

Jared makes emotional faces and the episode’s over.

Well, at least the dead guy having been to prison wasn’t really relevant and the bad guy was a billionaire. An improvement from the previous episode.

I’m not going to give views to the youtube trailers, but I’ve been told in the next episode a new character will be introduced that is a childhood friend that is ~the Han Solo to Walker’s Luke Skywalker. *single tear of sorrow* They’re trying SO HARD to be Supernatural and they’re managing to pick the least interesting concepts of Supernatural to do so. Can’t wait to see Fake Dean. Also we haven’t seen Walker lasso a person either. I suppose I’ll have to watch more of this.

Honestly, it’s mostly boring with Stella being the only interesting part and Ramirez and her boyfriend being cute to watch. Walker is so unlikeable. You want him to get his shit together for the sake of the people around him, but not really for his sake. He should go to therapy but he is a manly cowboy man so obviously he won’t go (but I will be impressed if they actually have him see a therapist. It would be interesting to have a manly cowboy man see a therapist. But will they do it?) The idyllic flashbacks of Emily are so overdone and it’s only the second episode! Everything is cheesy.

This traditional Texan ranch aesthetic meets Austin city would be interesting if played in a way that genuinely questions the values of old, but the show doesn’t really, it uses the gay brother and the immigrant friend and the Latina cop and the Black boyfriend as props but the narrative itself doesn’t really do anything with the traditional Texan family thing. Unless they really pull the rug from under the audience’s feet and make some big twists regarding the way the narrative is presenting itself, there’s nothing really interesting or useful in the show. I’m afraid they will solve their problems by Wanting To Do Better and Sticking Together As A Family, which is just a conservative fantasy of how to fix problems.

By the way, the cookies were really good and my family loved them too.

#marghe watches walker for some darned reason #cw's jared: legit texan

52 notes · View notes

loudsuitlover · 4 years

Text

Doctor Harry XIX. Cuarto movimiento: La realidad

A/N: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

Preview

“You take off your clothes.” He whispers. “If you’re brave enough to wear that around me, you should be brave enough to undress yourself in front of me.” He smirks.

My eyebrows raise on my forehead and I give him a little smirk. He chuckles.

“D’you want a show?”

He grins as he nods, resting his back on the couch.

“And what do I get in return?”

“Oh, you’ll find out after the show.”

BLUE’S POV

Coco and I are late. When we enter the café, I tell the waitress Olivia’s name and she leads us to our table. The three of them are already sitting on the table and Ollie smiles relieved at our presence. She might be really hungry or maybe she just doesn’t know what to do about Marie and Jason.

They had a fight the other day. Apparently, it had to do with David Dick. Marie said something bad about it, also known as the truth, but Jason said she shouldn’t be talking about him to people who didn’t even known them. I have stayed out of this. No one has asked for my opinion either, thank God, so I’m just on backstage, waiting for them to make up.

The second Coco and I sit down, Ollie waves the waitress. She tells us we can think what we want while they order but I already know what I want anyway. A strawberry milkshake and the Nutella croissant. Coco orders a waffle and a vanilla milkshake and Marie gets surprised at our quickness. I just smile at her.

I tell them about the wedding while we eat and they keep swooning and making comments that make me blush. I show them the hundreds of pictures we got, for his mum and his cousin Laura had been stealing shots at us and also the photographer of the wedding thought it important to get pictures of the bride’s brother.

“Jesus Christ, he looked good.” Ollie says.

I laugh and she gives me a naughty smile.

“So do you, of course.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“No, seriously, Blue” Coco insists “you looked like a movie star.”

I don’t know how many times Coco’s seen the photos but she’s always been the supportive sister and ever since she’s in love, it’s just been something else. She’s so happy she has enough bliss to give the rest of us.

“Can you believe” Ollie says when she comes back from the loo “that I’ve forgotten to put on knickers?”

“What do you mean you’ve forgotten?” Coco laughs.

“I’m just not wearing any.” She shrugs.

“And you realize now?”

“When I went to the loo.”

Marie shakes her head with a smile and I chuckle at my friend’s careless being.

“Yeah and she would have been terribly late if I hadn’t called her.” Marie says. “It looks like she had a busy night with Mario.”

Olivia smiles.

“Right, because Adam and you were surely asleep at 9 pm.”

Jason laughs out loud.

“So Indie, what time did you go to bed last night?” He wiggles his eyebrows.

“Actually, pretty early. I think it was like 10 pm and I slept alone. In my own bed.”

“Oh, did Harry have work?”

“No” I chuckle “he was home, I guess. We don’t spend every minute together, you know?”

JJ shrugs.

“If I were with a man who could pull off a white fucking suit like Harry, I know I would be with him every minute.”

Then it’s me who shakes my head and laughs.

We haven’t been out all together since last week when we went shopping and even then, Jason wasn’t there so it feels like ages that we don’t just chat around and have something sweet together.

Marie tells us about her grandparent’s golden wedding too and we all drool over the pictures because they look so adorable.

“¡Madre mía, Marie!” My sister says. “You look so good too! Look at that red dress! Where was the red carpet, madam?”

Marie blushes and giggles and Jason smiles tenderly at my sister. I see the way Olivia’s looking at her, with her teasing smile, and I know Coco’s in for some Olivia jokes.

“Guido must be good.”

Coco’s confused eyes drift to Olivia’s.

“Or have a huge dick.”

My sister clicks her tongue and shakes her head giving our crazy friend a look but she just smiles.

“If it has anything to do with genetics” she starts “that should be the case.”

We all laugh and my sister’s cheeks tinge pink.

“Oh my God, it is!” Jason celebrates.

He seems so happy. He’s been laughing and joking around and even though sometimes he still gets a little into his own head, I reckon he’s gotta have to deal with a lot of thinking these next months. I remember when Javier and I broke up, it was like that for me too. Yet that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

I wish him and Marie would make up. They are good for one another. They complement each other like sweet and sour and I know Marie’s sorry. I can tell by the way she looks at him.

After breakfast, the five of us go shopping. I’m not a big fan of shopping, to be honest, I get headaches and hate trying clothes on but these guys love it so that’s what we’ll do. Coco and Ollie are a very dangerous duo. If it wasn’t for the rest of us, they’d be in debt by now.

They make Jason walk into Agent Provocateur even though he tries to remind us that he’s actually bisexual and can’t really give his opinion on this without getting killed.

“You can keep saying you’re bisexual, you know? But you’re gay, pal.” Olivia says.

“Again, the fact that I am not sexually attracted to you does not make me gay.” Jason smirks.

“No, I know, it’s the fact that you always look at guys.”

“I look at girls too. I just don’t tell you about it.”

“And who exactly would kill you?” I tease him, changing Olivia’s crusade on making him gay. “Mario and Adam are teddy bears, Guido’s shorter than you and Harry’s not jealous.”

He laughs.

“D’you think Harry wouldn’t mind if I saw you in lingerie?”

“I don’t think so, no.”

Jason smirks. I know it might be hard for him to understand but he is a jealous guy. He knows that, we all do. But Harry isn’t or if he is he handles it like a master and I think that’s the most beautiful thing he could do for me. I never understood why my friends in high school thought when their boyfriends acted like cavemen was something to be happy about. I mean I never really understood that well-trodden thought “he’s jealous because he loves me.” No. “He deals with his own jealousy and lets me be free because he loves me.” That’s how I see it.

“Should we get the same set?” Ollie asks Coco. “You know, in order to surprise the Matteoti brothers.”

My sister blushes and giggles and Olivia grins.

“I hope to God they don’t talk about that to each other.”

Olivia giggles.

“I used to think every man did but I actually think Mario doesn’t.”

“And you’re offended by that?” I offer.

Jason walks towards us swaying his hips like Beyoncé placing a bra over his sweater and the knickers over his jeans and Coco laughs and rushes to his side to stop him. The two of them go to the “funny section” where the crazy lingerie sets are.

I see my sister laughing at whatever it is that crazy Jason is telling her about the outfits.

“No, I just don’t know how he’s still with me.” Ollie says.

I frown as I turn to look at her.

“Hey, guys, do you like these ones?” Marie shows us a red lace crazy knickers with holes where fabric should be.

“I have no idea how you put those on.” Ollie shrugs.

“What do you mean?” I interrupt her.

“I genuinely don’t know with these many holes, it’s-”

“No, I mean about Mario.”

“What about him?” Marie asks.

“She just said she doesn’t know why he’s still with her.”

“What?” Marie frowns.

We both look at Ollie, whose blue-grey eyes are busy with the underwear she’s holding.

“I just don’t know how someone that’s… such a saint can be with me.”

I look at Marie but she just shrugs and gives me her best pursed lips.

“I mean… You guys are very different but that doesn’t mean anything.”

“I like him.” Olivia confesses. “I really do, what I don’t like is to constantly feel like I’m waiting for the moment he realizes he doesn’t want to be with me.”

“Why do you say that?” Marie frowns. “I think it’s rather obvious that he’s crazy about you.”

“Yeah,” Ollie tilts her neck “now.”

“You are wonderful and it might not work out but that’s that. Every single relationship might not work out but that’s when you show you’re brave. If you get hurt, well, here we are for chocolate ice-cream or popcorn and movies.”

“Thank you,” she chuckles “but that’s not even what I meant. You guys know I’ve… Fucked around.”

“So?”

“Guys don’t like to thrust their dicks in a public hole.”

Her words freeze my blood. I hate that she thinks so low of herself and I hate society for putting that idea on her mind. I can’t pretend I understand her and I don’t know what I would think if I were her so as much as I want to tell her that’s silly, it might not be. I mean it certainly isn’t if it’s something she really thinks but also, I feel bad and I feel bad because I have been a part of that thought, unconsciously but I have.

I told Harry I didn’t want to be another notch on his belt. Isn’t that the same thing? Only, with men. But didn’t I somehow make him less worth it just because he had been with a lot of girls?

“Don’t you ever speak that way about yourself again.” Marie threatens her.

I am taken aback by her reaction but I let protective Marie take the lead her. I am foolishly speechless.

“I won’t even comment on how degrading and sexist the “public hole” thing is because what’s important here is that you are not a hole, Ollie, for goodness’ sake. Do you really think Mario sees you like that?”

“This is not about Mario.” Olivia defends him.

“Still, don’t insult him by thinking so little of him.”

“And don’t think so little of yourself either, Ollie.” I add. “Fighting sexism starts with oneself, don’t be sexist to yourself, let yourself be free, yeah? And just for the record, if Mario ever left you, it’s clearly his lost.”

“So clearly.” Marie adds.

Olivia just chuckles and wraps her arms around both our shoulders, pulling us into a hug in the middle of the underwear store.

I want to tell her to talk to Mario, to let him in and let him hear how she feels and what she thinks so he can have a chance at telling her the same things about himself but I couldn’t bring myself to be such a hypocrite. How could I tell my friends to talk to their boyfriends when I never do that with Harry?

I mean, we’re getting better or at least I think we are but there are still so many things to work on. I don’t want to hurt him and that means I don’t ever want to talk to him like I usually do. I’ve been thinking so hard about it, since that day he insulted me when we were having dinner at Bellamond. It sounded so terrible and it made me feel so little and unwanted and stupid so to think that’s how he’s felt every time I’ve done it makes me very angry with myself.

I’ve already seen how easy it really is to talk to him. I did at Marie’s house after I said those terrible things to him and he hasn’t made a big deal of it. So then I don’t understand why it is so hard for me to talk to him about what I think, how I feel and what I want… Because the truth is- I want him. He already knows that, I think, but I don’t think he knows how I really feel about him.

I would like to maybe text him right now and tell him I miss him, because it’s true, I do. I’ve barely seen him this week because he went on a congress from Monday to Wednesday and after that we’ve both been busy but I don’t know what’s holding me back. Am I really that scared of rejection?

I can’t get our fight on Marie’s house of my head. I think he let me know that night that he was addicted to me but he didn’t mean it like a good thing. He was sad that I was. I keep thinking lately… Did Javier really break that much?

What if that relationship has turned me into an abuser? I can’t believe I called Harry a junkie. I just… And then what? Then I cried so he would forgive me? I mean that’s what they do. Am I toxic to him?

I know ever since Dylan died I haven’t really been myself. I don’t even like the person that he left behind. I have felt… Empty and cold and heartless, I really have but… That has changed now. It has changed. But what if it has turned me into some sort of monster? What if I’m not capable of loving?

Out of all the people in the world who doesn’t deserve that, Harry’s the one who least deserves any of that.

“You can tell me.” Jason says.

We’re both sitting down on two velvety armchairs as the girls try things on. I give him a look.

“Whatever is troubling you, you can tell me.”

I sigh.

“Do you think I’m cold?” My eyes investigate his so he can’t lie.

“How do you mean?” His eyes narrow.

“I mean… Do you think… Do I remind you of David?”

“Of David?” He almost stands up from his chair as he frowns and turns to look at me. “You? Of course not! You’re nothing like David!”

“Well, you don’t know the way I treat Harry…”

Jason straightens his back before he sighs.

“Well, why don’t you tell me what you did so I can decide?”

“Because I’m embarrassed.” I shrug.

“You’re sorry, that’s what you are, which means you’re nothing like David.”

“What if I am? It’s not enough with being sorry, is it? The thing is never doing it again and I keep hurting him.”

“How?”

“I… I speak very harshly to him sometimes and I tell him terrible things… I… I don’t want to hurt him, you know? He’s become someone important to me, someone I care about. I would never hurt him and yet I keep doing just that and I don’t even know why.”

I look away from him and Jason sighs again.

“We accept the love we think we deserve.”

I tilt my neck to look back at him the moment he quotes The Perks of Being a Wallflower. He’s stern and understanding. I frown, I don’t know what the fuck does that have to do with anything of this but I listen because I love this guy more than I love most people.

“Indie” He reaches for my hand “is it possible that you do that when you feel like he’s getting too close?”

I look away. I don’t think it matters why I do it. I don’t think it would have hurt less that I had known the reason why Javier had me tied up on the bed. And what if the reason doesn’t have a solution? I mean what if the reason is my subconscious is trying to put him away from Dylan’s place? What do I do about that?

“Indie, I can’t pretend I understand what it’s like to lose somebody you love as much as you loved Dylan-”

“I love Dylan.” I correct him.

“You love Dylan, sorry. But… Dylan… I mean… D’you think he would want you to be lonely?”

I don’t answer him nor do I look into his eyes that investigate me.

“Put on his shoes.” He whispers. “Imagine the story the other way, imagine you were him and he was yourself. What would you want for him?”

I let his words take me to that parallel world sometimes I wished it was the real one. If I had died that night, then Dylan would be here and if angels existed then I would be the one for him and I would look after him and protect him from whatever cloud angels get on the sky. But what if I saw him with another woman? What if I heard the same things he said to me said to her? What if he loved her more than he loved me? What would I be then?

I remember my therapist trying to sow that idea in my head- that we have to let go, that no person can live in the past forever, and that letting go doesn’t mean disrespecting. I wonder where’s the balance, I wonder if someday I’ll be able to find a way to feel good without feeling like I’ve forgotten all about him. But I know what I would want if I had been the one dead that night.

“I would want him to be loved.”

I feel tears on my lacrimal and Jason’s hand wraps around my arm and gently squeezes me.

“I know that’s what he would want to.” He whispers.

“I haven’t been able to go to his grave once.” I whisper. “I think if I could… Talk to him… Maybe let him now, I love him and I always will but… I think I love someone else.”

I hear Jason taking a deep breath and only then I realize what I just said. I tilt my neck so I can see his face. I don’t know what I’m expecting neither do I know why I’m expecting him to judge me. But he just smiles.

“I already knew that. Your face lightens up when he’s around or when someone talks about him. I saw that on Marie’s house the other weekend.”

I take a deep breath and give up. He’s right.

“Don’t worry, it’s the same for him. He treated you like a queen and was always looking after you and I think you guys understand each other pretty well.”

“We understand each other? We fight like cat and dog.”

“The way I see it, you’ve had your misunderstandings but you’ve always figured it out. D’you think any other person would have stick around long enough for you to figure each other out? And I’m not talking just about him, I mean, he’s got some issues too.” He frowns.

I finally chuckle. He does have some issues but they don’t come close to all the other good things he has.

“You know, I’m happy you got him. It makes it easier for me to finally do what I’ve always wanted.” He smiles.

“What is that?”

“The States.”

My mouth shuts. My lips pursed and I want to cry.

“The States? You’re leaving too?”

First Ollie and now him. No, no, no, there’s no way Marie and I are going to overcome this. They can’t leave; he can’t leave. I need him. My pulse accelerates. I never thought I was going to be losing my best friends so fast. He smirks and nods his head.

“I need it, Indie. I didn’t go because of David and he… He treated me like shit throughout the entire relationship and I didn’t lose you guys because you are fucking angels from another planet but I think I just need to go away for some time, figure myself out, do what I want for a change.”

I take a deep breath. I really need to stop being so selfish. I don’t even know how long for he’s planning on leaving but the least thing I can do as a decent friend is to support him not matter what. I’ll miss him, sure, but I won’t lose him just because he goes to another continent. He’d have to change his name and go to a secret location for me to lose him.

“If that’s what you want and what you think you need, I’m all in.” I smile. “I’m gonna fucking miss you but I’m happy that you’re doing your thing. I hope you know, even when you were with David, you never changed the person you really are and I think that says a lot about you. What happened to you was not your fault, it was his, and it could have happened to anyone. God knows we both know how they find the way to get into your mind. but you’ve always been more than what happened to you.”

He frowns despite his smile and I can tell that’s his way to try and hold back the tears. He wipes the ones that scape out before he holds my hand.

“I fucking love you.”

“I love you too.”

“And you call me dramatic but look at what speech you gave for three months that I’m leaving.”

“You’re leaving for three months?” I frown and he laughs. “Then why would you say it like that? I thought you were leaving for good.”

He laughs.

“And miss your wedding and your pregnancy with Harry’s babies? Never.”

“Hey, hop off the horse!” We both chuckle.

“Just be honest with him, Indie.” He tilts his neck. “You’ve got him here” he flexes his fingers to gesture a handful and taps a finger on it “and here” he taps a finger on his chest where his heart is and I smile. “Now, why don’t you get some sexy ass lingerie for him?” He wriggles his eyebrows. “The straight guy in me can help you decide.”

“You’re on.” I smile.

I try on about five of them. The girls are the judges but they all know I’ll end up choosing whatever I like. I never listen to advices when it comes about clothes. I know what I like and what I don’t and that’s that.

I do have a thing for underwear. It’s the only thing I actually enjoy buying so most of my underwear is cute and lace or silk or nice soft cotton but I do get excited at the idea of surprising Harry with something sexier than usual.

Maybe high stockings would do, I could wear a skirt and underneath it some high stockings hooked up to the waist of a lace bodysuit or something like that. I find a black lace one almost see through except from some parts strategically covered with the black flowery pattern, the cut between my legs and my nipples. The straps are silk and from the one around my waist, the two clasps for the stockings fall on my thighs. I love it.

After getting our underwear and going go with JJ to the male section of Gucci and Yves Saint Laurent, we finally sit down on a terrace surrounded by bags and have a drink. I order a Martini because I guess I’m feeling fancy after all and my friends order a sort of fancy cocktail each, except from Coco that goes with a beer. Her and Ollie are the ones who look fancier by far, Marie does too but in a way that lets you know she’s the good girl in the family, whereas Ollie looks like the one who’s always late to family meetings and Coco looks straight out of a magazine and yet there she is with a beer on her hand not caring about the contrast one bit.

In front of the terrace, there’s an Italian restaurant where there are two guys at the door, opening them for the clients. I have caught them staring at me more than once but every time I look the look away. I’m afraid I even have a boob out with all the staring but when I look down I realize I don’t. Jason’s sitting next to me and I wonder whether he’s noticed too or I’m just being paranoid. I look up at them and one of them look to the floor. Jason laughs.

“Geez, they could get a photo.” Jason says.

Alright, I’m not crazy.

“You’ve noticed too?”

“They haven’t taken their eyes off you since you sat down.” He chuckles. “And I’m sitting right here, I could be your boyfriend for all they know.”

Olivia tilts her neck and turns her head around being the blatant bitch she is before she gives me a smile.

“Well, they can keep trying, they’re trying to get in the place of an Armani underwear model.”

I roll my eyes and so does Marie. My eyes drift to her.

“You’re so exaggerated.”

“He could be one.” I defend him.

My friends and sister giggle and I blush but join in. It’s true, he could really be one and I miss him and want to see him.

Ollie’s call coincides with the moment Jason gets up from our table to go to the toilet and Marie gives my sister a smile.

“Coco, how are things with Guido? Are you happy?”

“Oh, I’m very happy.” She smiles. “I’ve never had this before, you know? Knowing my feelings are reciprocated. It just feels great.”

“Oh, I’m happy to hear that. You deserve someone like that.”

“So do you.” I tell Marie. “How’s everything with Adam?”

“He’s a dream.” Marie shakes her head. “I do worry that everything is too good.”

“Why?”

“Well, he’s so gentle and loving and caring… I keep thinking when it is going to end.”

“Why would it end? I mean, obviously there’s always like the first few months where everything is just perfect and all that and after that there’s more comfort and less romanticism but… Don’t worry about that. It’ll come naturally.”

“See? But that’s what I don’t want! I don’t want him to walk in the bathroom while I’m peeing or for him to see me with my hair on a towel and a face mask on.”

Coco giggles.

“Well, maybe not now, but it’ll eventually happen if you guys stay together for long enough.”

She looks away from us and takes a deep breath before she speaks.

“The other day he told me to leave some things at his place.” She all but whispers as if it was some sort of secret. “Well, he got micellar water even though he didn’t know what that was because I told him once that I couldn’t stay over at his house because I didn’t have my micellar water to wash my face.”

“Aw.” Coco rests a hand on her chest and Marie’s lips pursed.

I giggle.

“And why is that a bad thing?”

“It’s not a bad thing.” She shakes her head. “It’s just… Are we not moving too fast?”

“I mean he asked you to leave stuff at his house because you need stuff. It’s not like he asked you to move in. I stay over at Harry’s all the time.”

“Don’t you think I’ll freak him out when he realizes I’m a high maintenance girl?”

“I mean, Marie” Coco’s sweet tone makes my friend look at her “I think he might have an idea already?”

“I mean” I giggle “he’s been to your house.”

“Yeah, but my skincare is all carefully kept in the bathroom cabinet.”

“Well” I smile “I don’t think that’ll be a deal breaker.”

She sighs.

“Maybe some day you can let him in the bathroom while you do your skincare routine. I do not think he’s gonna be faced by that.”

Her brown, good-girl’s eyes investigate mine whilst she considers my idea. I can’t believe she actually think that would be a problem. Adam is crazy about him. I don’t think there’s anything she can say that would make him not want her.

Jason comes back before Ollie does but it doesn’t take her long to stand next to our table.

“Guys, this was a very lovely day” she starts “but I won’t lie to you. Mario just called me, he said he had a hard day at the hospital today and I want to cheer him up with incredible sex and cuddles so-”

“We did not need to know about the incredible sex.” Marie tells her but Ollie just smiles.

“And of course you can leave to be with your lover, Ollie, no need to explain anything to us.”

“Right.” She smiles. “Then see you, guys.”

With that she picks up her uncountable bags and leaves and Marie bites her bottom lip.

“I think I’m gonna leave too, guys. I have a skincare routine to share with someone special.” She smiles at Coco and me and we both laugh.

“What?” Jason chuckles looking at both Coco and me. “I’m kind of tired too, girls. Your shopping gave me a headache.”

“I’m pretty sure you bought more stuff than me.” I reprimand him but he just rolls his eyes.

“Anyway, I love you all. See you.”

Coco and I walk together to her car and on the way there we both chat about how the group has changed in just a few months. It’s like we’ve grown up more in this year than we have in the last five. Jason went out of a terrible relationship and came out being stronger and more confident than ever and he’s going to the States for that internship he wanted; Ollie’s finally moved on from Jack and her inner crisis and seems to be done with being insecure and afraid of love; lovely Marie found her knight in shinning armour and is living the dream; and even Coco and me left the past behind and meet someone great.

I might miss the way things used to be because they’ve been like that for a long time but… I think they’re only getting better.

I dare to do it, if Marie’s going to show her skincare routine to Adam and Mario called Olivia because he had a hard day and needed comfort, I can tell him.

Indie: Miss you x

I rest my phone on my thigh and look out the window trying not to torture myself if he doesn’t answer straight away. He might be busy, he might be asleep even or he might be with his family.

Harry: Fuck, I miss you too

I grin like a kid on Christmas morning. Harry’s typing…

Harry: Are you done with your friends?

Indie: Yes :)

Harry: Can I see you?

Indie: Yes :)

Harry: Bien

I giggle like a teenager and Coco tilts her neck to give me an amused look. She’s not used to it.

“Do I drive you home or directly to Harry’s?”

“Do you have plans?”

“I wanna go home to shower but I’m going out with Guido afterwards.”

“Are you taking the car?”

“Yes.”

“Do you mind dropping me at Harry’s then? So I can shower and stuff before too.”

“Sure, no problem.”

“Awesome. Thank you.”

Harry: Did you have dinner?

Indie: Yes.

Indie: Are you at home?

Harry: Yes, I am. Are you coming?

Indie: Are you inviting me?

Harry: You’re always invited, love.

Indie: Then how about I visit you in an hour?

Harry: Can’t wait xxx

After the shower, I butter my body with my strawberry and vanilla body lotion and put on my new lingerie set before I put on some lip balm and mascara. I put on a terracotta colour soft woollen sweater and a high waist black denim mini skirt that covers my stocking so they look like normal tights.

I’m excited to see Harry but on the way to his apartment while Coco drives and tells me about some of Guido’s jokes that had her laughing last time they saw each other, the excitement turns into nervousness.

Will he think this is too much? Will he find it funny? Because I would be mortified if he does and after all, this is not a special occasion. It’s just a random Friday night. Oh, God, he might think I’m crazy.

As I stand on the lift to his apartment, my sister’s compliment on my outfit gives me some nerve. I mean it’s just Harry. If he finds it funny or thinks it’s too much, I can always play it cool and pretend it was a joke all along.

He’s waiting by the door with a big smile when the lift doors opened and I make my way towards him keeping both hands on my brown jacket. He takes it and places it on the couch before we make our way towards his living room.

“Would you like anything to drink?” He offers.

“Um, maybe a cup of tea?”

He smiles amused.

“I was thinking you were going to say something alcoholic because it’s a Friday after all but you always surprise me, Blue.”

I chuckle.

“How was your day?”

“Good.” He nods his head as he turns the kettle on and takes two cups from the cupboard. “I had lunch with my mum. She asked me about you.” He gives me a smile that melts me. “How was yours?”

“Good too. We had coffee and then went shopping until we were hungry so we had a dinner and then a drink.”

“Sounds like torture to me.”

I laugh at his comment.

“That is not true. I’ve seen your closet, you’re into fashion.”

He smiles dimply because he knows I’ve caught him. God, I have seen him smile countless times in the last five months but still it makes my heart skips a beat. I approach him when he’s giving me his back checking on the water in the kettle and when he turns his head for he noticed my presence, I’m inches away from him. He wraps his arms around me and understands what I want so he leans down and kisses me. I let my tongue tell him how much I missed him and he hums as it pushes between his lips and caresses his. His hands find my ass and I moan against his mouth but the kiss is sweet and tender and we only pull apart when the kettle whistles.

We sit down on the couch and have our cups of tea as he tells me more about his lunch with his mum and I tell him more about my day. He also tells me about his congress and about an interesting case he had this week and I realize then how easy it is to talk to him. I didn’t realize there were these many things I wanted to tell him until I had him in front of me.

He’s been very handsy too and I’m sure so have I even if I don’t notice, but his hands have never left my legs and I’ve been a little nervous that he might move them a little higher and realize what I’m wearing but so far, he’s just been respectfully caressing my knee or calves.

“How is Jason doing?” He asks.

I find it so sweet that he asks about my friends.

“He’s better. Yeah, I think he’s doing good. He’s going to the States though.” My hand finds its bicep as I try to catch his undivided attention even though I already have it.

“What do you mean he’s going to the States?”

“Well, it’s only for three months.” I turn the drama off a little. “It’s this internship he got while he was with David Dick, he said no because David wanted him to stay but apparently he’s gotten a second chance and he said yes this time.”

“Wow, that’s great. Your friends are as nerdy as you.” He giggles.

“I’m not going anywhere though.”

“Yeah, thank God.”

He grins and his hands find my hips before he pulls me closer until I’m straddling him. He captures my lips with his in a long peck. Still, somehow, he hasn’t seen my stockings. I peck his lips again.

“Nah, I’m kidding, I would be very happy for you if you were going abroad for an internship or something too. You know that, right?”

I nod my head.

“I would miss you a lot though.” I confess and he grins.

“I would miss you too.”

I kiss him again and he kisses me back in a long, loving kiss until I pull away.

“I haven’t asked you: what did you get today?”

I lick my lips and feel my cheeks heating up. I’m sure when women wear these things, they don’t feel so shy. Plus, I have no reasons to feel shy when all Harry’s done is worship my body. I don’t know why I’m even doubting myself. He’s going to love it.

“I can show you.” I whisper.

I can feel his heartbeat accelerating under my hand and smile. Every doubt I’ve ever had flees my mind as I grab a handful of my sweater over my belly and pull from it so as to get it out of the hem of my skirt. His green eyes drop to my hand and his hands adjust to my hips over him. He swallows.

When my sweater springs free from my skirt, I just pull it up so he can see my lingerie bodysuit over my belly and his fingers sink of my hips as his lips part.

“Fuck me.” He whispers.

My lips curl up into a grin as his eyes search mine.

“You perfectly know what you do to me.”

His hand squeezes my hip once and I almost moan but then he takes his hands off me and rests them on the couch next to his hips.

“Well, do you want to see it or not?” I whisper.

He nods his head but doesn’t say a word. His eyes challenge me.

“You take off your clothes.” He whispers. “If you’re brave enough to wear that around me, you should be brave enough to undress yourself in front of me.” He smirks.

My eyebrows raise on my forehead and I give him a little smirk. He chuckles.

“D’you want a show?”

He grins as he nods, resting his back on the couch.

“And what do I get in return?”

“Oh, you’ll find out after the show.”

His green eyes, playful and filled on lust, narrow and this time it’s my pulse that accelerates. Placing my hands on his shoulders, I rest my weight on him as I get up from his lap and find my phone still on my purse. I go on Spotify and play Love Is A Bitch by Two Feet and hand him the phone so he can hear the song better. His grin turns nervous.

I have never done this before and I have no idea of how to dance for an striptease but here goes nothing. I sway my hips slowly much like I do when I’m fucking him because I already know he likes it from the times we have danced together. His eyes are set on me but instead of feeling nervous, I feel sexy and hot and lucky that he’s looking at me like that.

I turn around and give him my back before I bend over sticking my ass in the air to get my shoes off. Barefoot, I turn around and unbutton and unzip my skirt pushing it down my legs and letting him see my mid-thigh stockings. The corners of his lips curl up and he silently mouths fuck me.

Funny, I’m thinking the same thing. I caress myself like I’d like him to do, starting with the sides of my thighs and my hips and then my belly and my flanks, pulling my sweater up. I cup my own breasts under the sweater and don’t miss the way his Adam’s apple bops as he swallows. Still swaying slowly to the music, I grab the hem of my sweater and take it off dropping it on the floor.

I stand before him on my lingerie and feel fire burning inside me as his eyes roam my body up and down. He’s shifted his position on the couch but I can intuit the bulge between his legs.

“Do you want me to go on?” I whisper.

He shakes his head.

“Come here.”

I do as I’m told and his touch cuts my breathing halfway. His hand sticks to the exposed skin on my thigh and lustfully moves up to my hip where he squeezes.

“You must be fake.” He almost chuckles and I do.

“I’m real” I rest one knee on the couch next to his thigh and resting my hands on his shoulders, I straddle him “and yours.”

“Fuck.”

His fingertips press on the back of my neck and our mouths find each other with greed. The way he’s looked at me and the way he’s touched me and how hard I can now feel him against the inner side of my thigh drives me crazy and I push my tongue inside his mouth hungrily. My eagerness takes him by surprise but he’s just as eager as I am judging by the strength of his tongue against mine and the squeezes of his hands on my flesh. He pulls away but my mouth follows his blindly.

“Calm down, love” he chuckles against my lips “we’ve got all night. Let me enjoy you.”

I pout but instead of getting another kiss, he grins. I can’t say I’m disappointed with the outcome of my pouting. I love that he still looks like a child when he grins even when he’s acting so much like a man, full of lust and need.

“How did I do?”

Grinning, he takes my hand and lets me feel his hard on. It excites me to the point that my walls clench. He’s so hard and so hot… I want him inside me now. No, I don’t want him, I need him.

“I had never done that before.” I confess.

“Are you serious?”

I nod timidly and he sighs.

“You’re a natural then. That was the hottest thing I have ever seen and this thing…” His fingers caress my bodysuit “fucking hell, Blue, I’m gonna be dreaming about this.”

I laugh.

“Now you have to show me what I get for it.”

He grins and licks his lips as he tilts his neck.

“Well, when did the show end? You did ask me if I wanted you to go on.”

“And you said no.” I frown.

“Because I don’t want you to take this off just yet.” His tongue licks my lips like a cat. “But… If you want, I would love to watch you first.”

“Watch me?” I frown. “Doing what?”

He grins. He takes my hand in his and brings them both to my sex making me cup my dripping lips myself. I breathe in through my nose. He’s so close to me and he’s smiling in the way that turns my insides into jelly and I’m so wet and so needy… I need some relief now.

“I want you to touch yourself for me, baby.”

“You mean… Right here on top of you?”

He nods slowly but his fingers move over mine and make me caress myself. He does that a few more times before he removes his hand and lets me work alone. I keep doing what he was doing before and press circles on my clit as my eyes set on him. His hands hold my hips to give me more balance and I slip my fingers underneath the soaked fabric. His eyes move from the place I’m touching to my eyes and stop at my breasts.

“Fuck…” He whispers. “How does it feel, baby?”

I slip a single finger inside before I get another one.

“It feels better when you do it.” I confess.

He squeezes my hips and pecks my lips.

“I can show you how I do it.” His lips press on the exposed skin over my bra and I feel a current of electricity on my body. “D’you want me to?”

I keep touching myself with lips part, enjoying his kisses and his whispers. I love how his voice turns deeper and raspier when we’re having sex. It drives me crazy.

“Why do you want me to touch myself instead of you?” I whisper.

“Because having you pleasuring yourself on top of me… Fuck, baby… You don’t know how sexy you are.”

I bite on my bottom lip but his thumb pulls from it liberating it. I look into his eyes.

“If you do that, I’m gonna burst.” He smirks. “Do you not touch yourself?”

“Yes, I do.” I move my fingers slowly against my clit because I’d cum already if the rhythm was any faster. “I guess it’s just… I’m nervous.”

“Why? You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to.”

“It’s not that.” I gasp. “I do, I just… I want you.”

He grins and cups my breast on one hand making me moan.

“I’m right here, love. I just want you to cum like this first and then we can do whatever you want. Only if you want though.”

“I do want.” I stop him. “Just show me how you do it.”

He slips his own fingers the fabric of my bodysuit and guides mine.

“You have to start here” he covers the upper side to my clit, the part closer to my belly and presses slow circles “slowly, yeah, like that and don’t be nervous, baby. If you don’t cum on your own, I’ll help you.”

I half laugh half moan and he chuckles. I keep moving my fingers like he told me to do until I find a spot that sends electricity through my body. I start rubbing faster and the feeling is so good I almost don’t notice he removed his fingers.

“That’s right, baby, faster, faster.”

I feel the lower part of my belly tensing up and my nipples hardening and I moan as I relax my neck and throw my head back.

“Now stop.” Harry’s hand covers mine and stops my movement and I frown and give him a death glare that only makes him laugh. “And do it slowly again.”

I let him guide me and move my fingers against my clit watching him watch me. His eyes are fixed on my hand and my pussy and he’s biting his lip. God, this is so hot. I’m horny as hell.

One of his hands move from my hips to my inner thigh and he slips his fingers under the fabric again, slipping two fingers inside me and making me moan out loud.

“Fuck, I just wanted to see how wet you are.”

He moves his fingers slowly in and out of me and between that and my own stimulation on my clit I am afraid I might faint. I bite on my bottom lip again and he pulls from it with his thumb.

“What did I say?” He whispers as his fingers keep moving in and out of me so I bit my lip again so as not to scream. “You’re not really as good of a student as I thought.” He chuckles.

He gets his fingers out of me and I whimper making him chuckle again.

“You do it, baby.”

I curl two fingers inside of me and move them with the rhythm he was using and one of Harry’s hands squeeze my hip. I shut my eyes and gasp.

“Imagine it’s me, love.”

“Oh, God.”

When I open my eyes, I see he’s stroking himself over his jeans and my eyes drop to his bulge.

“You don’t know how much you’re turning me on, baby.”

No, he has no idea how much this is turning me on. I thought this was something only done in porn but this is fucking hot. Having him right here as I pleasure myself, hearing his voice thick with lust and knowing how much watching me is turning him on drives me crazy.

“You’re always so good with me.” He captures my earlobe between his teeth and pulls from it and I moan.

“Touch yourself, H.”

“D’you want me to?” His voice comes out strangled then and I feel the power he gives me burning my skin.

“Yes, like I’m doing.”

I hear his zipper going down and feel him lifting his hips from the couch to take his pants off. My eyes set on his hard length, already leaking precum, shinning and tight, and his fingers wrap around himself.

I try to take this time to focus on what he does to himself so I know how to touch him better next time so I slow the rhythm of my fingers for otherwise I’d finish already. Harry’s mouth attacks the side of my neck so I can no longer see him because my neck tilts back without my consent to grant him better access and he keeps kissing my skin.

“I’m not going to last long watching you, baby.” He whispers.

“Oh, God, I’m very close already, Harry… I fucking… This is so exciting.” I moan.

“Fuck me, keep talking.”

“Oh, Harry… I want you to cum so I can cum too but…” I can tell his pumping accelerates and so do my fingers. “It’s such a shame you’re not on my mouth like last time… You taste so good.”

A guttural sound cuts his breathing halfway and I feel a hot liquid spurt on my thigh. That sends me into overdrive and I moan until my throat stings. Harry’s hands hold my hips as I sigh and try to catch my breath and then I smile at him.

“Stop that or I won’t be able to stop fucking you.”

I laugh softly.

“Then don’t stop.”

He smiles mischievously at me and I know he was hoping to hear that.

“I can’t decide whether I want this off or not.”

He says staring down at my bodysuit and I laugh.

“I’m glad you like it.”

He doesn’t say anything, instead he just smiles before he leans in to capture my lips with his. We kiss intimately for a while and then his hands pull my hips down and he penetrates me slowly. He swallows my moans as he keeps kissing me lustfully but slowly, almost calmly.

His hands hold my ass and he lifts me and sinks me back down so he’s fully controlling the rhythm, a very slow, torturous one that lets me feel every inch of him as he stretches me on his way inside. I feel him so deep too, I don’t think he’s every filled me like this but I love it and I let him known, with moans and bites on his bottom lip.

“You like it slow, baby?”

I hum and nod my head and we kiss each other as if we were the only people in the world. Right now, he is to me.

“Spread your hips wider apart.” He whispers.

I do as I’m told and replace my knees further away from him. His hands hold me in place as he slowly pushes back in and I feel him paving his way through my channel inch by inch until our pubic bones touch and we both gasp.

“Oh, God.”

And we repeat again. He pulls out almost entirely and then sinks in again. He kisses me passionately and I press my body against his as if we could get closer. He captures my bottom lip with his teeth and pulls from it like I normally do with his and when my lip sets free from his prison, we both smile at each other. He fills me again and, in this kiss,, it’s me who pulls from his bottom lip. I have never felt more filled of him and of feelings for him, lust and love bubble and mix together inside my belly and burst in every kiss.

“Fuck, Harry, you’re amazing.”

I hear him giggling.

“Don’t laugh.”

He slaps my ass cheek and I jump a little.

“I’ll laugh if I want to.” He grins.

I smile too.

“You’re right. Don’t stop laughing. I love it when you do” I gasp as he fills me again, he rolls out “And I love your smile, you’re so handsome when you smile” when he fills me again, I tangle my fingers on his hair and pull from it “and your hair, I love your hair and your eyes, when you look at me…”

He shuts me up with a passionate kiss and I hope he understands how I feel about him through this intimate encounter.

“Blue…”

I wait for him to speak but he doesn’t say anything even though his hips don’t stop moving against mine.

“What?” I press him.

“Nothing.”

I would have insisted but his hips attack mine hard and it cuts my breath halfway. I cling onto his shoulders and he keeps thrusting inside me hard and fast. I pull from his hair and listen to our skins clapping together and the wet sounds of our intimate encounter. His hand cups and squeezes my breast and I arch my back and tense up as I cum again.

His thrusts become faster and sloppier until he cums himself and before I have time to react, he’s standing up and carrying me on his hips to his bed. He lies me on my back and smiles as he stares at me.

He spreads my legs opened and gets on his knees between them and his hands hold my ankle and place it on his shoulder before he unclasps my stockings and put them down my leg. He does the exact same thing with my other leg and caresses my entire body before he takes off my bodysuit.

He then hovers me and pecks my lips a few times before he pecks my nose and my cheeks and then my neck and my collarbones and he leaves kisses in every inch of my skin. I almost giggle when he kisses the spots that tickle and I feel a different type of excitement on my belly at his attention for these kisses aren’t even lustful, even though we’re both now naked. I feel adored and I feel cared for and wanted and I feel my heart about to explode with love for him.

He kisses my legs and from the inner side of my thighs he moves back to my belly, kissing my skin there again before he smiles at me.

“What do you want from me, Harry?”

“Everything.” He smiles as his face reaches the level of mine and he pecks my lips again. “I want everything from you.”

My breath catches on my throat. I want him, no, more, I love him. I love him. I swallow and play with his hair as I stare into his eyes.

“Careful what you wish for” I whisper “If you play with fire, you’ll end up burned.”

“I’m already burned.” He smirks. “And here I am.”

I smile but the smiles turns into an o as he thrusts inside me again. God, this man is insatiable, but I can’t get enough either. He fucks me slowly again and he keeps biting my lips and squeezing my flesh as we both gasp and moan.

I sink my nails on his back as he licks and sucks on my nipples and I moan his name once and again whilst his hips keep drilling me to his bed. I wish we could stay like this forever. When the delicious torture on my breasts is done, he grants me again with the heavenly image of his face and that’s all I can see as he rests his forehead against mine and keeps on moving in and out of me. I feel his breath on my face and swallow his grunts and moans.

I am not sure he feels the same way I do. I don’t know if he loves me but I don’t think I could feel any of this if he didn’t. I don’t think he would make love to me like this if he didn’t love me. I think he wouldn’t touch me like he does, I think he wouldn’t squeeze my flesh so gently if he didn’t. I think his kisses wouldn’t feel like this if he didn’t love me too.

“You feel so good, baby.”

I feel my pulse on my skin and I feel the knot on my belly about to untie and with another push of his, I lose track of space and time and my head sinks of the pillow. I can’t even breathe for some seconds until I moan out loud and feel my throat raspy and becoming inflamed. He lets go too, groaning in my ear and shivering on my arms.

It takes him a few seconds to roll out of me, but he stays laying on top of me and I hug him to my chest as we both fight to catch our breaths. I don’t know what any of this was but he filled me in every level and I still feel my heart pumping proudly at the newly found sentiment.

Harry’s breathing pattern changes and becomes calm and deep. Carefully, I pull back just enough to look into his eyes but they’re close and his expression is peaceful. I kiss his forehead.

“You’re falling asleep on me.” I whisper.

“No…” He frowns but his eyes are still closed.

I smile and try my best to pull from the duvet so I can cover us both but I’m not strong enough.

“I just need help to cover us up.”

“I’ll warm you up.” He mumbles.

“You’ll freeze too, come on.”

With one hand he lifts my back from the bed and with the other he pulls from the duvet and rolls us both under the duvet before he hugs me again. This time he rests his back against the mattress and pulls me to him so I’m the one resting my head on his chest. I trace senseless figures with my fingertips on his bare chest.

“Blue”

“Yes?”

“Give me a goodnight kiss.”

I chuckle before I lift my head and peck his lips. His eyes are still closed but he frowns.

“Kiss me well.” He complains.

I press my lips against his again, not quite knowing what he wants, and lick my way inside his mouth, getting a lazy response from his tongue. When I think I did well, I pull apart and peck his lips as closure but he opens his eyes and the intense green in them paralyzes me.

“I want one of your kisses.”

Still impressed by his gaze, I press my lips against his again and I put all the affection I have for him on the kiss until my belly erupts in a fist of butterflies and my chest feels funny and warm. We kiss one another with love, it can only be love, and when I feel like my pulse has reached my brain, I pull away and Harry skims my nose with his.

I rest my cheek against his chest before he opens his eyes and realizes I’m blushing and I hear his heartbeat against my temple. His breathing slows down just like the movement of his fingertips on the low of my back and he sighs.

“Blue…”

I hum.

“I love you.”

#harry styles imagine #harry styles one shot #harry styles blurb #harry styles fic #harry styles fanfic #harry styles angst #harry styles fluff #harry styles smut #harry styles and reader #harry styles news #harry styles

116 notes · View notes

sebastianshaw · 2 years

Text

Whittled down some drafts at last, so now I’m going to post a Munday and go for a walk! For new followers, on Monday (Mun Monday/Munday) I sometimes just dump a bunch of OOC in one post so I get it out in one go and aren’t clogging your dash with it the rest of the week. It’s just completely random stuff.

- Watched “Cryptozoo” today which was why I didn’t start posts earlier! It’s a movie you really have to pay attention to. It’s very artistically interesting, and not to spoil but I really like the commentary in it too. Like it gets more complicated than bad guys who want to exploit them and good guys who save them and I enjoyed that angle. Warning, it’s got explicit sex/nudity and some very graphic violence, and one of the first things that happens is a unicorn getting its head brutally bashed in with a rock. So, if I kept watching after that, you know I *had* to be interested! - When we brought Georgina to the vet, we passed a family holding a rabbit on the way out. When we got in the car, I immediately answered “it looks like a bad case of ear mites” because I had noticed the ears had severe crusting which is a sign of ear mites for rabbits. I was then instantly amused that not only did my dad assume I would know, at a glance, what was wrong with a small creature, but also that I (maybe) did! - I got the best Christmas gift, which is that I got to go spend time with my grandmother. She’s my last living grandparent and I really want to make the most of the time we have left. And I got to tell her about how Michael Rockefeller was most likely eaten by the Asmat tribe, which is a REALLY interesting topic btw! - According to one daemon analysis site, I can add “Atlantic ghost crab” to my list of potential daemons for myself (I’m pretty sure I’m a chinchilla or dormouse, but I always like to keep my options open) - Speaking of animals---you know how a really common trope is that aliens or gods or elves or whatever come to this planet/world/plane/etc and they may have nefarious intentions or at least feel they’re superior to humans, but by the end of the movie they come to the conclusion humans are super special? Like that was the entire thing in Eternals, that we’re just SO SPECIAL we’re worth the Eternals rejecting their mission and creator? What if that idea, but instead of the being in question deciding that this planet is worth preserving and protecting not for the humans, but the ANIMALS. Like, I know if I it were me, I’d be like, shit, we have to save this place, it has POTOROOS!!! - Really, I’m just having a lot of feels about extinct and endangered animals, especially those that aren’t glamorous and well-known enough for most people to know or care about them. Very few mourned the loss of the Bramble Cay melomys, for instance. It just makes me sad when a species is wiped out not through an organic natural selection, but the careless or even malicious actions of human beings. Especially when it's something most people won't care about or even know about. I didn't even hear of the bramble cay melomys until it went extinct in 2018. And it was just a little brown rat, but even the smallest, most humble, most unglamorous species have a place in the ecosystem, and have value beyond whether they're pretty or useful to humans, and should be preserved. I try to focus on the potoroos as my animal passion project of choice, but I wish there was a way to help them all. - I wrote on a previous Munday post that a lot of the assumptions and questions I encounter from people about lesbians seems fixated on thinking we hate me or wondering why we hate men, etc. And while I’ve never been a gay man, I’ve just never seen people act as if all gay men hate women and being a gay man means you must hate women or been hurt by them, etc. I’m sure that attitude exists somewhere to some degree (I think there’s actually a Japanese term for gay men that translates for “women-hater”?) but there really seems to be no equivalent trope here for the man-hating lesbian; at worst gay men are depicted as grossed-out by women’s bodies/sex with them, but never as hating women themselves (even tho irl they’re perfectly capable of being horribly misogynist) And my theory for a long time for this has been because patriarchy positions women as being All About Men, and our sexuality must be All About Men. The idea it’s not is so BAFFLING that people, especially men, especially but not exclusively cishet men, believe that we still must be OBSESSED with them in SOME way, even if it’s negative. The idea we hate them is more comfortable to them than the notion we just simply don’t care and aren’t interested. But it occurred to me recently, I think there’s another reason too. And it’s that patriarchy trains people---and I mean everyone---to hate women that aren’t considered “attractive” to men. Women who aren’t skinny enough, young enough, pale enough, this enough, that enough---they are the focus of ire and disgust in media and real life, from men and other women. It’s why men can look like total slobs or just NORMAL and it’s fine, but women have to be dressed up and made up and look twenty years under our real age and twenty pounds underweight just to avoid insult, in real life and even more so in media. So I think the assumption from some men is. . . given the way that some men will treat and view women they don’t find attractive, maybe they assume that women who don’t find men attractive, view men the same way. Like garbage. Like if you’re not fuckable to them, you’re not worth basic respect. That’s how a lot of shitty dudes are, and I’ve noticed that shitty people IN GENERAL tend to assume everyone else is shitty in the same way they are, whatever that is, so maybe that’s the case here too. It’s probably, like many problems in society, a lot of different reason. - I just really unironically love the Brides in "Van Helsing" and always have since I saw it in theaters when I was like. ..14, lol - Feels about Mommy Fortuna. Also, I posted on FB about how the fact that the same woman (Angel Lansburgy) voiced both Mrs. Potts in “Beauty & the Beast” and Mommy Fortuna in “The Last Unicorn” just BLOWS MY CHILDHOOD SELF’S MIND as those were my fave movies as a wee one and SUCH DIFFERENT CHARACTERS and a friend replies “That’s my immortality, eh?” and I just fsjgfjhjfdjhdgfj it is!! IT IS!! - Which reminds me, I totally need to watch Bedknobs & Broomsticks - Really interested in Hurrem Sultan and Lucrezia Borgia this week. I’m just really interested in women who are stereotyped by history and media as cunning manipulative scheming Lady Macbeths but in reality were people in a bad situation making the best of things they could, which rarely allows them to behave like angels---and even if they do, they’re remembered as wicked sluts anyway regardless of facts. It just seems no matter what era we’re in, women get backed into corners by men and society, and then blamed when they do anything they can to get out of it, or even just work within it, as in the case of Hurrem, or are used as pawns by those men, as in the case of Lucrezia. It’s not that I think women are always angels, but we do get cast as demons whenever we’re NOT angels, it’s one or the other. It’s like how when I read historical fiction, the female characters who want to marry rich are all cast as absolutely horrible people for it (unlike our heroine, who of course wants to marry for love!) and like. . .looking at the situation for women in those times, that was the most sensible thing for a woman to do. Basically, women are considered evil if they ever have self-interest like Hurrem, what a shocker. Or, if they are good girls and do what daddy wants like Lucrezia, still get cast as evil by everyone else after the fact even with no evidence. - History video: Pope Alexander VI loved his illegitimate children, all historians agree on that History video: He used his only daughter as a pawn and married her off to to a stranger twice her age when she was 13 - By the way, Hurrem gave birth to many sons, but just one daughter, Mihrimah. Allegedly she was upset by this, as she’d vowed only to have sons, but apparently Mihrimah became the Sultan’s favorite child. And it doesn’t surprise me, given that his sons were all scheming on the throne and he even took out two or three of them himself. But Mihrimah outlived all her brothers, married a Croatian noble, and did charity work for the rest of her life after she was widowed. I think she wound up ok and idk why but that means something to me. - I've noticed, Duggan seems to have a REALLY bad case of Protagonist Centered Morality. PCM is when the protagonist doesn't do things because they're good, they're good because the protagonist does them. Basically, if the hero kicks a puppy for no reason, somehow this is a heroic and justified act. This isn't to say protags can never do shitty or just morally questionable things, but the vibe with PCM is that these things AREN'T shitty or questionable at all. It judges morality, and tells us who to root for, not by the act itself but who's doing it. If Shaw had somehow done the EXACT same thing to Laura that Lorna did under the EXACT same circumstances, I think it's a fair bet that Laura would be written reacting far more negatively. Because Shaw is a bad guy and Duggan doesn't like him. But since Lorna is a protag and Duggan likes her, she can do the exact same thing and it's not portrayed as "bad" to the reader, nor will other characters treat it as such (and will be portrayed as in the wrong if they do) PCM is like, one of my PET PEEVES in fiction, big time.

#out of shirt #mun monday #munday

2 notes · View notes

migata · 4 years

Text

I have to get my thoughts on Love, Victor out here:

• The friendships were everything!

• When Victor's mum was talking about how she can rely on Victor and that he was "her rock",,, I felt that.

• Felix!!!!! That boy is a gift!

• I loved when Felix and Pilar bonded. That friendship was everything! I wish we saw more of that

• Was I the only one to think that Lake and Mia were going to be a thing when I first saw them?? To be fair, they hadn't really said anything, I just though that the Love, Simon world needed more wlw action ((can you tell I'm still sad about the Leah and Abby erasure?))

• The 'only one bed' trope!!! I could smell that shit from a mile away

• ALL OF EPISODE 8

• Kinda annoyed that Nick Robinson clearly wasn't actually there on the same day as everyone else in the gay bar scene. It's not my fault that I wanted to see more Bram and Simon... :(

• I didn't hate Lake. (Controversial?)

• Derek was just mean. I feel bad for Benji because he had to be in a relationship like that for a year.

• THE ENDING! The exhale at the end was everything! Though, I really want to know what happens next. Somebody better be writing a fanfic.

• I really like how they handled Victor having homophobic grandparents. I was right there with Victor. When his dad said that he was fine with Benji and Derek but he'd hate to have a gay son... I felt that (again, I know, I'm just very invested in his life, ok)

• I can't get over that post of someone's thoughts on the pilot and one of the points was just 'salad boy :(((' -- I vibe with that.

• I was ready to full on hate Andrew, but now my feelings on him are mixed. He obviously acts really crappily, but it's clear that he actually cares about people (and by people I mean Mia). Idk we need more backstory.

• On terms of Mia, I thought she was pretty cool. Not too many feelings on her, really. I did feel bad for her at the end because of the way she found out about Victor, though.

• I was so stressed watching the last episode because I was worried that the ending was going to leave loads of loose ends and, even though it did, I think that they tied up the right ones and I wouldn't mind that being the end the whole series (although I would very much welcome another series!)

• From the little we saw of Benji (and I know it was quite a lot, but it wasn't enough!!), I can confidently say that boy is amazing.

• ALSO he is an art gay AND a band gay!!! Love! It!

• God, I would want a book of this show. I kept making up bits of Victor's thoughts in the Simon vs. style. I love that book so much.

• I loved how they explored other issues within the story. Love, Simon was specifically about him being gay and that story, but Love, Victor also focused on his family's and his friends' lives. This was probably because it wasn't solely following Victor which I think was a great addition

• Bram and Simon adopting a confused gay is just a great concept.

• When I first heard this was a thing I thought it had nothing to do with Bram and Simon so that was a very happy surprise!

• You bet I binge watched it all in one go!

So, yeah, it was very good. Definitely not perfect but I didn't expect it to be and it exceeded expectations. Go watch it! Here's for more wlw in the future.

#love victor #love simon #simon vs thsa #nick robinson #simon spier #love creekwood #keiynan lonsdale #michael cimino

212 notes · View notes

intothewickedwood · 2 years

Text

Once Upon A Time Rewatch: 7x08 Pretty in Blue

Glass Believer falling in love. So cute!

Alice!

Oh my God, poor Wish Hook finding out the tower was in ruins, believing his beloved daughter was killed. My heart! That moment of devastation!

And then he sees her again after years! Aggggh! 

I think that the fact that they can get so near to each other now until they hug kinda suggests that the longer they’ve been far away from each other the closer they can get. That is until they get too close. And then they need to keep a great distance from each other once again.

God Drizella, so cruel lying to Alice like that! Her Papa could’ve died. Also, I wish they’d shown that interaction! Not one shown interaction between Alice and Drizella or Robin and Drizella. I want my love triangle, dammit!

It looks like Alice’s mark still burns her when she gets too close to Wish Hook. 

So did Alice create that portal? It could explain how she travelled to Wonderland and all those other places so easily.

Eloise got her hair did.

I wonder what was in that cake. I’m convinced it was a love potion because she absolutely would go there.

I’ve read a few great fanfictions where she’d poisoned him with the cake. I wish I could remember where they were.

Where the bananas was her ‘Dad’ all this time, then? Did Nick know about Lucy?

I like the design of Wonderland II.

This scene with Glass Believer in the net is so suggestive hehe. One minute he’s talking about his grandparents next they’re panting and moaning she’s saying “can you reach your sword?” Then they’re landing on top of each other. 

That was a big fall! 

I forgot the infinite maze was tiny.

Please someone cover that cake. I know it’s poisoned but it’s gonna attract flies and that’s worse.

Bless Regina trying to get Rogers to spend time with Tilly. She really cares about them. It’s sweet.

Rogers is so upset by Regina’s cake attack lol. 

What was in that cake? I need to know! I think she still wanted Rogers alive, just more susceptible to her influence.

Does Drizella know Gothel is Alice’s mother? I feel like she doesn’t because if she knew Gothel was capable of abandonment she would not cling onto her. Drizella’s a girl who craves a mother figure. When she lost Cecelia and then after the Anastasia incident lost her biological mother’s love she’s been looking for a replacement ever since. But goodness did she choose the wrong person for that.

“I promised myself if I ever have another kid...” Oh, in his fake memories he did know about Lucy. What about your first kid, dude?! I know they’re fake memories but Jesus.

“You don’t know that. I best stay here. (Suddenly excited) Oh, would you like a cup of tea!” Bless Alice, she’s so easily distracted. And her mood can switch so fast. Love that about her.

Love this interaction between Ella and Alice.

She doesn’t like her mark being touched. It looks painful.

Alice: “Trust me, if your touch could kill the one you loved, you’d wanna be lost too.” So I’ve mentioned this before, but since Cecelia was the one whose heart was poisoned, Alice’s statement suggests that those with the mark can also be killed by those with the poisoned heart. So, although less likely, I think Alice could have been killed as well if exposed to her father for too long. Otherwise Alice’s statement here doesn’t make sense. I imagine she’s found out a lot of information about the curse on her travels so I guess she would know. And I don’t think Cecelia would have ran so far away from her family if only she was in danger.

Alice had such a crush on Drizella. She’s so gay and I love her for it. I don’t understand why Drizella lied to her. Probably just to hurt someone. 

Oh! All this time I thought Alice met Drizella in wonderland but the reason Drizella tricked Alice was to get Alice to bring them to Wonderland.

Wouldn’t Drizella need to poison every true love pairing she brought with her with the curse? That would include parents and their children. Wouldn’t it be easier if she just cast the curse on herself and her mother and if she just ruined Tremaine’s life from there? Why’d she have to bring everyone else into it? I mean, it makes sense with Regina because she wanted to rule over people in the new land but why did Drizella want to bring all those people with her? Especially because so many could be true love. But I guess they’d have to believe as well.

Was Drizella gonna stab Henry through the heart?!

Their necklaces show they’re in love! 

Why is Rumple pretending he’s not awake?

What has the Guardian got to do with Rumple pretending?

Henry and Jack dated. They just did, okay. Jack still loves Henry. You can’t convince me otherwise. 

Jack went to Agrabah. Interesting? I wonder if it was the original Agrabah.

Lucy and her mama back together! 

Yes! Regina’s gonna bring back her sis! I freaking missed Zelena so much!

Rogers and Tilly interaction! She’s who you've been looking for all this time!

Gothel and Ivy are being so creepy about Anastasia. Just wake the poor girl up, stop  taking turns caressing the coffin.

#ouat #once upon a time #alice jones #ivy belfrey #drizella tremaine #ouat 7x08 #7x08 pretty in blue #ouat rewatch #ouat rewatch 2019

2 notes · View notes

sanderssidesfanfiction · 3 years

Text

If There’s a Place I Could Be - Chapter Eighty Six

If There’s a Place I Could Be Tag

March 4th, 2003

Emile looked at the ring the jeweller had brought out for him to inspect. It was a little understated, just a silver band, no diamonds or other gems or even a stone put in. “Are you sure this is the one you want?” the jeweller asked. “I know you have the money, Mister Thomas, and most girls, even if they don’t say anything, prefer something they can show off to their friends...”

“It’s perfect,” Emile said, nodding at the jeweller. “Don’t worry. I know my future fiancé, he’ll love it.”

“Of course, I didn’t mean to imply...”

“Don’t worry about it,” Emile said with a kind smile. “My guy’s just that sort of special. Ring this up and we’ll be good to go.”

May 5th, 2003

Emile was absolutely certain that if Remy weren’t so stressed, he would propose right here and now, just to try and capture the perfect smile on Remy’s face for the entire rest of the day. Remy had opened the doors of Sleep Easy that morning to find a line that was wrapping around the block and the relieved grin he had on his face as he told everyone working there to get ready was something Emile would never forget.

Toby had taken a couple pictures before Remy went back behind the counter to help out, and Emile felt at the ring box in his pocket. He wanted to ask regardless of stress, but he needed to find a quiet moment.

Emile and Toby were currently sitting in the back of the shop, at one of the tables. Emile was fiddling with his hands and glancing at Remy periodically. Toby sighed and propped his head up on one of his hands. “Okay, Emile, spill the beans. What’s got you so worked up?”

Glancing at Toby before going back to look at Remy, Emile shook his head. “It’s nothing,” he said absentmindedly.

“Either you tell me what’s up or I call Remy over here,” Toby threatened. “Because you’re looking at him like he has a bomb strapped to his chest.”

Emile tore his eyes away from Remy long enough to check if Toby was serious. And he was. “You have to promise not to tell Remy,” Emile said.

Toby gave him a look. “You don’t have a ring box, do you?” he joked.

Emile sighed and pulled out the small box from his pocket, placing it on the table. “Wait, no, I was joking!” Toby exclaimed in a hushed whisper. “Oh my god, you seriously have a ring?! Are you planning on asking him today?”

“Potentially, if there’s a quiet moment,” Emile said. “But I’m starting to suspect there won’t be.”

“Yeah, no, people just keep coming,” Toby said, eyeing the front door. “If I were you, I’d wait for a moment where Remy isn’t serving customers,” he said. “Maybe propose tonight, after the shop closes, if you do it today.”

Emile glanced over at Remy, who was talking to a woman intently over a display of cookies. “Seriously?!” Remy exclaimed, loud enough to capture both Emile’s and Toby’s attention.

The woman laughed and nodded. She passed him a card which Remy eagerly pocketed and shook the woman’s hand. Emile and Toby glanced at each other. “What was that about?” Toby asked.

“I have absolutely no idea,” Emile said.

Remy came over to the two of them, and Emile quickly hid the ring box back in his pocket. Remy, with a massive grin, slammed his hands on the table. “Do you guys know who that was?!” he exclaimed.

“No?” Toby said. “Enlighten us?”

“She’s a reporter for the local paper,” Remy said in an almost-conspiratorial whisper. “And all the commotion from today caught her eye. She said that if I can keep interest for the rest of the month, she’ll do an exposé on the shop!”

Emile blinked, before breaking into a grin. “That’s amazing, Rem! I’m so proud of you!”

Remy beamed.

“Emile took the words right out of my mouth,” Toby said. “I have no doubt that article will happen. Who knows, maybe it’ll lead to more business and happier roads ahead!”

Toby glanced at Emile and Emile instantly got the meaning: save the proposal for the interview. And Emile couldn’t agree more with that sentiment. That would be the perfect timing, if there was one.

“Oh my god, if they ask me anything about my personal life, what do I say?” Remy asked, laughing. “I mean, I don’t think I should hide that I’m gay, but like...I pay a mortgage with Emile. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that we’re together.”

“I think you should be honest, Rem,” Emile said. “I mean, anyone who’d boycott the shop because of you being gay isn’t someone I’d want in my corner anyway.”

“True,” Remy hummed. “Okay. I’ll be honest. The shop shouldn’t go under because of it, most of the people here are open-minded. It’s a college town, after all.”

“It’s a college town, you’re an amazing person, and you make a mean cuppa joe,” Toby said, sipping at his coffee with a grin. “There’s no way you could scare off all the homophobes into ruining business for you.”

Remy nodded, smiling. “Thanks for being here, both of you,” he said. “It means the world to me.”

“Nowhere we’d rather be, Rem,” Toby said, and Emile agreed.

“Remy! We need you back here!” August called.

“That’s my cue,” Remy laughed, hugging Toby and kissing Emile’s cheek. “Talk to the two of you later.”

“Later,” Emile parrotted as Remy went back to the counter. “I’m definitely proposing during the interview,” he told Toby.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if Remy tried the same thing. He’s that extra,” Toby laughed.

“You know, you’re right, and I hate that you’re right,” Emile laughed. “We’ll wind up proposing at the same time, most likely.”

“He’s planning his own proposal?” Toby asked. “You guys didn’t agree that one of you would do it and leave it at that?”

“We made it a competition,” Emile laughed. “Loser has to kiss the winner.”

“How do you know who loses and who wins?” Toby asked.

Emile paused. “You know, I’m not sure we ever clarified how one of us would win when both of us are very clearly biased,” he admitted.

Toby laughed. “Oh, god. You two are both disasters. Like, I love you, of course, but you’re both disasters.”’

“Of course we are. To quote Remy, ‘If we weren’t such disasters we would have overthrown God long ago.’”

Toby cracked up. “Man, as a guy who’s still religious I’m inclined to agree with you. The two of you are unstoppable.”

“Throw in all the other gay disasters we know and it would be no contest,” Emile snickered. “God, Theo would love to overthrow a major religion like that. I’m pretty sure Clara would fret over us and make sure to bring victory snacks, Xavier would welcome our new gay overlords...it would be quite the sight.”

“Let me know when it happens, because I very much want in on the being a priest to you guys,” Toby laughed.

Emile snickered. “Oh, we’re both going to Hell.”

“No doubt,” Toby agreed.

They looked over to where Remy was working, and Emile sighed. “I do worry about him, though. He works hard, but there are days where I know he’d rather relax but can’t.”

“A tip that helped me in the old days with that: warm chocolate milk,” Toby said. “Don’t know how well it’ll work for you, but it always conked him out as a child. Now, it might not make him sleep, but it would at least be a bit of nostalgia.”

“That’s adorable,” Emile said, grinning.

“There were times where he wouldn’t even accept it from Mom or Dad because ‘Toby makes it the bestest,’” Toby said with a grin. “I love my little brother to the ends of the earth, but I suspect he loves me more.”

“He finds people who love him and he never lets them go,” Emile said with a sad smile. “I wish the reason he did that wasn’t there, but then again, without everything he went through, he wouldn’t be the man he is today.”

Toby furrowed his brows and Emile winced. “Uh, he doesn’t let go of people who love him because he’s worried that if he does they’ll just leave him when they get bored. So he works to make sure they’re never bored of him.”

“Oh,” Toby said. It was strangled, and there was so much shock and anger in that one syllable. “I would strangle our parents if I could get away with it.”

“Make sure they don’t have any more kids and we’ll call it a day,” Emile laughed awkwardly.

“God, I hope they don’t screw up as grandparents,” Toby breathed. “Like. I don’t intend on being a dad. But Vanessa...wants kids. She’s wanted kids since she was a kid. And if they ever have to stay at their grandparents’...well, I’d rather take them for a night than leave them there.”

“Frankly? I don’t blame you,” Emile said.

“You’ve met them, haven’t you?” Toby asked.

“I’ve met your mother, and frankly, I don’t even need to meet your father to understand the bulk of Remy’s trauma, and yours,” Emile said simply.

“M... my trauma?” Toby asked.

“They hurt you too, Toby,” Emile said. “That qualifies as trauma.”

“Oh,” Toby said, leaning back in his seat. “It’s different when it’s someone else. Like, yeah, Remy got really hurt by them, so I don’t blame him for using the term. But knowing that the term applies to me is...different.”

“It’s more personal,” Emile filled in. “And it’s scary. But it’s something that can definitely be worked on.”

“At least there’s hope,” Toby said with a weak smile.

“Exactly,” Emile said, pointing at Toby with a grin. “And if you ever need any recommendations for looking for a therapist, hit me up. I’ll see what I can do.”

“I might have to take you up on that,” Toby said with a shaky breath. “The holidays are a massive...what did you call it? A massive stressor. But I could probably find a use for one outside the holidays, too.”

Emile nodded. “At least you recognize it. Remy’s been really stressed lately but seems determined to stick it out on his own. I worry about him more because of that.”

Toby shrugged. “Sometimes he needs time to come around to a concept. Give him that time, and if you ever need help, drop me a line. I know how to talk to him too.”

“Do you ever use rationality on him, and does he get that grumpy almost-pout when you do it?” Emile asked with a knowing grin.

“Oh my god, yes!” Toby laughed. “And then he comes up with worst-case scenarios that both of you know wouldn’t happen, just out of stubborn spite at the fact you’re using logic?”

“And forces you to come up with a plan for what happens if you fall into a pit of invisible snakes!” Emile continued. “Oh yeah, we’ve had those talks.”

“God, I love him,” Toby said, shaking his head fondly. “Of course, to you, that scenario probably just indicates how much of an anxiety disorder he has.”

“I try not to diagnose people I know,” Emile said. “Not only because I don’t have my degree yet, but because my emotions can get in the way of a diagnosis if I get too close.”

“That’s smart,” Toby said.

“That’s therapists’ standards,” Emile said simply.

The two of them sat in companionable silence for a minute, before Toby spoke again. “I really worry about him, all jokes aside. Like, we can go for months without talking and pick up where we left off, but...those months in between when he doesn’t talk to me...they can get scary.”

“I know what you mean,” Emile sighed. “There are nights where I wake up with cold sweats from nightmares that Remy never dropped out of college and I went to his room one day to see that he’d hung himself. Fortunately, I wake up next to him to know he’s alive. I know you don’t have that luxury.”

Toby shook his head. “That’s when I usually call first thing the next morning...on the bad days. I can never get back to sleep but I wait until it’s seven before I call because I know you guys have sleep to catch up on. You don’t need to listen to my crazed, nightmare-induced ramblings.”

“I’d listen,” Emile said.

“Really?” Toby asked skeptically.

“Of course,” Emile said, turning to look at Remy, serving coffee with the biggest grin on his face as the customer complimented the store. “That’s what family does for each other.”

#if there's a place i could be #sanders sides fanfiction #remile #emile picani #ts sleep

6 notes · View notes

crazyyfilmyfreak · 4 years

Text

The Devil All the Time ( 2020 )

OBVIOUSLY SPOILERS FREE REVIEW

"There's a lot of no-good sons of bitches out there"

Okay alright first of all

This is not your generic go-to netflix crime thriller if you are watching it with that intention everything is wrong with you

This Film is dark , not just dark but dark as hell which is filled with gore elements which also includes a multi layered story telling and the film is filled with a group of astonishing cast members and every one of them has a potential to carry the whole film on their shoulders with no hard work but just with grace and ease so these reasons altogether might have over hyped few people's expectations and i think that is the main reason why i am seeing some mixed reviews here and there online or maybe just because you started watching this film with a very wrong intent or wrong mind set like i said before and i am stressing this so much because of in my opinion this film is just perfect maybe there are flaws obviously every film will have flaws but i just couldn't see them ? Maybe because i am a big fan of tom holland i might be little biased but to me this film is top notch and this is a perfect film film

Now speaking about the cast & film overall

This is a very slow paced slow burning piece of art

It takes you to the places you can never think of mentally and it makes you feel completely lost in emotions by the end of the film making you numb

Antonio Campos is a fucking genius i love his way of story telling

He's honest , he knows what he is doing , he loves taking risks and he never fears when ever he goes out of the conventional film making style and i very much love how he connected every character in the film like i mean every character in the film is interconnected and if you remove any one character you will feel the void , disturbance and unbalance in the film.

Film lovers might argue with me or hate me for saying this but i feel this film is so much better than christine 👀🤝🏻 atleast to me ? And this is coming from a person who also loved it a lot

Now the cast

I cant speak about everyone in the film because this has such a long list of talented actors 😭 who rocked in the film i am only going to speak abt some of my favourite performances as of now i promise to speak about every other cast member and their performance in the later days coz i am very sure this is a film i am going to talk a lot from now and this is also a film that i am going to watch and enjoy in the future days

First TOM FUCKING HOLLAND

I have been seeing this dude's films even before the civil war where he played the spidey role and i always felt he was a very raw and potential actor since his childhood but after seeing him in civil war and spider man hoco its just impossible for me to not like him as an actor ? HE IS SO GOOD ON SCREEN and he makes you believe everything when ever he's on screen maybe its swinging from wall to wall or putting a donut or whatever into a guys mouth while kicking his ass and making it look bad ass af🔥 few might feel this are such a silly examples to say but to me this is about how tom brings a realistic approach to a scene and makes it good and i have always been a big fan of tom holland since spiderman hoco and this is nothing related to tdat but y'all might already know timothee was the second closest option of mcu to cast as spidey and tom grabbed that role ever since tom is just busy with mcu films and where as timothee had a incredible and unbelievable growth as an ACTOR for real to me that is stunning because he did it in such short of span and to me as fan of tom holland part of me was always loving him as spidey but a big heart of me felt a void and sad because tom is missing a lot of great opportunities which has a chance to showcase his real acting abilities which made me think what if timothee got the spidey role instead of tom? Maybe we would have seen a serious tom holland as an actor and this thought killed me everytime but everything happens for a reason and tom holland is undoubtedly the best spidey we have ever got and anyways when films like tdat happen many people realise and understand how great and how fucking incredible tom holland is as an actor and i love when everyone appreciate him for this !! It makes my heart very happy and this is the exact reason why this film is so personal and special to me

Sorry for completely deviating from the film but this is tumblr and i am not a serious film critic lol so forgive me.

And speaking about his performance in the film he is just surreal and outstanding . The character that he played is a very complicated one not many relate to that character but every one can understand his emotions, actions and intentions in the film and all the credit goes to tom for bringing a life to that character and playing it in such a beautiful way listen to me very carefully when i am saying this not many actors from this generation can bring bundle of emotions at the same time in a same scene but tom holland does that with such an ease and i stg i am not exaggerating if you watch the film you will know what i mean !! And i am very proud to say i am his big fan

Now Robbert pattinson

What the fuck should i talk about this asshole 😂🖕?

My dude's been killing it since remember me and as an actor like i said in the Tenet Review he has matured a lot as an actor since good time and he played a very powerful and sick role in the film i am not gonna spoil it for others just go and watch the fucking film atleast for him he did a great job and i dont understand how the women and gays are dealing with him? Seriously even as a straight guy its hard for me to concentrate on the film or scenes where ever he's present because this asshole is so fucking hot and sexy 👉👈 The directors should either deglamorise him by making him fat or bald or just hide his face with prosthetic make up or sth just like how directors hide tom hardy's face in every film he's in 🙄. Now coming back to his performance its really hard to dominate him when ever he's on screen dude just want all the attention towards him , such a selfish actor huh

Bill Skarsgard

He played a very important and crucial role in the film he maynot have big screen time but we can totally feel his presence through out the film i think this one sentence explains how important his character is to the film and how well he potrayed the role and he's the only guy in the film who got an incredible character growth throughout his journey in the film

Harry Melling

It would be very unfair if i dont speak about harry's performance in tdat

DUDE KILLED IT . HE SCARED ME WITH HIS EMOTIONS AND EXPRESSIONS . He didn't even a play a negative role but he just added a lot of depth not only to his character but also the film with his intimidating portrayal

Sebastian stan

This is the most honest and a very raw performance from Sebastian stan so far ( i am saying this based on the films that i have seen of his ) i just wish he had more screen time thats the only thing that i didnt like in the film also there are so many blanks that needs to be filled about his character

Eliza Scanlen

I dont remember her from any film or tv series that i have seen before but she's outstanding in the film , the character doesnt have much something new to offer so i can't speak a lot for her but as far as the character concerned she did her best and her performance is a impressive one and many people are gonna love her .

Riley Keough

Unlike the previous films & tv series she's been in

This film gave her a very challenging role and she's the only women in the film who's been through ups and downs and has a very complicated but a impressive character growth with minimal limitations and dimensions

She was fabulous and incredible . It just stuns me how the character has begin and how it ended at the end

And special mention to jason clarke and the old couple who played grandparents ( kind of ) to Arvin Russel and lenora . Not all heroes wear the cape.

Finally despite the mention of god several times in the film this is not really about god at all its about the DEVIL , The DEMON that carries and plays a very pivotal role in the film you cannot see it but you can sense it and feel it

Its about the blind faith, its about the irreversible & inescapable fate . I really love how Antonio Campos has connected all the dots by the end of the film with a very impressive film making and with a steady gothic theme running till the end internally and i haven't completely finished the book ( The devil all the time ) but if anyone really wants to completely bring the book life they cannot do it in a single film it will take you atleast 4 or 5 tv series to do so but Antonio Campos did it with a single film and added a very deep meaning to the core of the film w/o deviating from the roots of the book & even touched the aspects like duality of a man and some of you grateful fucks are complaining about him

OBVIOUSLY films ard subjective but you all need to be more open about this film

In simple words please fucking watch this film guys 🤗❤

This one is not for everyone but everyone will have atleast a small aspect in the film that y'all are going to like / love / hate / discuss about.

The devil all the time is violent , brutal , honest and perfect in every possible way atleast to me and i really want you all to watch it if you're into such type of stuff

Remember No country for old men ? Now make it 10 times more violent but add some meaning to it with a realistic approach but more slow burning drama and a little bit of darkness ... now that is what The Devil all the time is .

Gif credits : Milesgmorales

#tom holland #films #film #cinema #movies #movie #moviegifs #the devil all the time #robbert pattinson #bill skarsgård #sebastian stan #Riley Keough #harry melling #Mia Wasikowska #jake gyllenhaal #Eliza Scanlen #Antonio Campos

41 notes · View notes

surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

Text

Surveys #447-448

(one from yesterday, one from v early this morning)

How did you and the last person you kissed start talking? By both being meerkat RPers on YT back in the day. Do you think someone is falling in love with you? Definitely not. Do you have a bad temper? Nah. What was the last song you listened to? SOBS "Suteki Da Ne" from FFX. If your mom was a teacher, would you want to be in her class? Hell yeah. She actually has been my substitute teacher before, as she worked at my elementary school with the special ed kids. Are you comfortable with people going through your phone? No. I have nothing to hide on there at all, but still... I just don't like it. Do you really care about what toothpaste you use? So long as it's mint-flavored, no, I don't care. Would you like it if the whole world spoke one language? I mean, I think it's pretty inarguable that that would be a beneficial thing. For all humans to understand each other, like in dire situations where information needs to be brought across. However, I don't believe we should actually try to change that now with so many languages already developed. That would be way, way too big a task and not that important. Would mind-reading really be a blessing or a curse? I'd find it more to be a curse. Would you ever get a pet turtle? Why or why not? Nah. They just don't interest me as pets. Do you tend to daydream a lot? If so, about what? Yeah. .-. About a lot of stuff... How I want my future to be, things I wish would happen, how I'd change past errors... What shop/store/brand would you model for, if given the choice? I would 110% model for Cloak if for whatever miraculous reason they wanted me to because a bitch supports her favorite human asdkfajkwle. I'd totally do some goth modelling for Rebel's Market, too. Do you actually read your friend’s surveys, or do you just copy and paste them and fill them out yourself? I read my friends' answers, yes. I like learning obscure things about them. Which is your favorite episode of I Love Lucy? Bar none, the "Vitameatavegamin" one. It's fucking hilarious, man. I love that show. Do you consider yourself a deep thinker? WAY too deep. Name two people who you are closest with? My mom and Sara. Which one of those two people would you eat first, if you were starving? Neither. I would absolutely rather die. No one cares whether or not you believe in love at first sight… but, do you believe in hate at first sight? Well, let's be real. If you witnessed someone being abused or raped or something like that, wouldn't YOU hate the villain immediately? I sure as hell would. When you were a kid, which comic strip was your favorite? I didn't care for those. How do you feel about fake plants? They can look good, they can look tacky, and they make great additions to some animal enclosures, like reptiles and bugs, for cover and new textures. Does it make you uncomfortable when people ask you your shoe size? Er, no? Would you feel guilty about cheating on your taxes if you got away with it? Yes. I tend to have a guilty conscience. Are you happy with your weight? NO. Do you go to church? If so, do you actually pay attention? No. When I was forced to go as a kid, I never paid attention. As a very young adult when I super rarely went, I would try to, but my attention definitely wavered. Would you rather have your nose or tongue pierced? Tongue, if it just didn't damage my damn teeth. :( I miss my snake eyes. Ever peed in your pants after the age of 10? It's very embarrassing, but yes. A few years ago, I had this very strange period of premature incontinence when I slept. I had to be put on some medication and a schedule to wake up in the night to use the bathroom. It oddly just... vanished as randomly as it started. Had any surgeries? What kind? I had tubes put in my ears as a baby, and then at the start of 2017 (I think), I had to have a cyst removed from my butt. :^) Ever told your parents you hated them? I've told Dad that, yes. Are you sober? Yeah. Do you have a crazy side? Not really, no. I'm boring. Do you have siblings over the age of 18? All of my siblings are. Do you think that downloading music illegally is immoral? Yes, and yet... I do it anyway. :x Have you ever sworn at a policeman/woman/cop? No. How far do you agree that the mother is more important in a child’s life than the father? I Don't agree with that. Would you ever let one of your children enter a beauty pageant? If they were old enough to make their own decisions, I'd have no say. But as a little kid, no. I do not support those damn things. What was your favorite Pokemon as a child? Charmander! :') Do you have a favorite name? What is it? Alessandra. It's so beautiful. What was the topic of the last assignment/essay you wrote? Toxic masculinity. I got SO into that essay. What’s your favorite type of juice? Probably peach mango. What was the hardest language you’ve ever tried to learn? LATIN. Like holy shit. What’s your younger sibling’s name? Nicole. What kind of cookie is your favorite? Chocolate chip. What would you do if your ex contacted you? I would just be... so happy. But also scared of where it would lead. What age would you like to have a child? No age, because I never want any. Are your parents wealthy? Definitely not. My dad SEEMS decently well-off, but he is most certainly not rich. Have you ever asked someone out? Yes. Your ex tells you they want you back, what do you say/do? I know I'd say yes, very quickly. -_- Do you know anyone that smokes weed? More like she's addicted to it. Is there one person you look at and automatically smile? Oh, that's Mark for sure, ha ha. Especially if he's laughing. It's game over for me if he's laughing. What’s your favorite hairstyle on a guy? Don't even fucking @ me, I love the emo hair swoop alskdfjalkwje;kjrwklejarwe Do you know anyone who’s won the lottery? No. What’s the name of the last cat you pet? Roman. What have you been up to today? Anything interesting? The only thing I've done today that deviates from my normal routine is I had to get blood drawn for some tests for my upcoming check-up. I don't know what was up with that needle, but it hurt this time. Are you the type of person to dwell on the past? I live there. Did your grandparents teach you anything? Not really, no... besides being old-fashioned is not an excuse for being an uptight... er... this answer is so mean, given the grandmother I'm talking about is dead, oof. Do you want/have a Bachelor’s degree? I wanted one... but I don't have one and never will. Are you a fan of penguins? Yeah, they're mega cute. Who do you think about most constantly? Why? Anyone who reads these can answer that very, very easily. Have you ever considered yourself to be something other than heterosexual? Yeah; I'm either bi or pan. I think pansexual as of very recently, but for simplicity's sake and also for almost all of my family to not think I'm crazy, I really just say bisexual. Have you ever been in love? With who? Yes; Jason and Sara. Dolphins, whales, sharks, or narwhals? Dolphins or whales. Have you ever gotten anything amputated? No. Have you ever tied your tooth to a door to lose it? No. What do you do on the computer? Oh jeez... I'm pretty much, well, always on the computer, so I do a whole lot. I watch/listen to YouTube, write, clean out my dA notifications and browse artwork, scroll through Facebook, play World of Warcraft, edit the Silent Hill wiki, do way too many surveys, talk to Sara on Discord... Anything your parents should know about? No. Do you have a life? It sure as hell doesn't feel like it. I do nothing noteworthy. Do you have a microphone on your computer? It's built-in, but it doesn't work. Does your mouse light up? Yeah; red normally, blue when it's charging. Then it's also purple sometimes??? I have no idea what it means. Were you ever physically abused? No. Verbally? No. Sexually? No. Do your teachers like you? Not to brag or anything, but all my teachers loved me. Do your parents like you? I know they love me. Do your siblings like you? I don't feel like they do half the time. :/ It's my own fault for not knowing how the fuck to interact with them. Did you have a tail when you were born? At first I saw this question and was confused as shit, but then I remembered this was actually a thing, ha ha. But no, I wasn't. Do you enjoy school? I hated it. Are you shallow? No. Greedy? I don't think so, no. It feels good to share. Do you have a piercing in an inappropriate spot on your body? No. A tattoo? Well, I have a tattoo over my heart, so it's on my breast, if you wanna count that? Are you stubborn? God, am I. Are you incestuous? Fuck no. Do you respect your body? Meh... Yes in some ways, in other ways no. Have you ever been to therapy? Did you like it? I've been in therapy for most of my life, and yes, I find it helpful. Have you ever used Duolingo to learn another language? No. Are you unhappy at the moment? Yes. I usually am. Do you have any gay friends? Yes. Have you ever watched iCarly? Yeah, I used to enjoy it. Who’s your favorite Disney character? Probably Dory. What was the last thing you wrote in a word document? This survey, actually. It's how I format it and save my progress. What did you last take painkillers for? A headache. Are there any hobbies you want to get back into? Drawing. :/ Have you ever been on a date with someone you met online? How was it? Yeah; when Sara and I were together and I went up to visit her, we had a breakfast date once. :') Do you find it difficult to get rid of material possessions? Yeah. I hold a lot of nostalgia in many items. What sort of games do you like to play? Horror and fantasy, mainly. They need a story, too, and I ESPECIALLY enjoy games with multiple endings. Then I also play WoW, which is an MMORPG. Do you know anyone who is deaf? No. Have you ever been married? Nope. What is your favorite thing to dip fries in? Ketchup. Do you still talk to anyone you went to high school with? Just Girt, really. Have you ever had to dispute a charge on your credit card? I've never had my own credit card. Quick! Choose pink or purple. Pink, duh. What's your favorite book genre? Fantasy. Would you say you’re generally fit and healthy? Why/why not? No. :/ I'm trying to change that though by going to the gym. Would you ever want a job working with animals? My main aspiration is to be a wildlife photographer, if that counts? Sara also wants to be a ball python breeder, and we talk all the time about it and how I'd love to be like an assistant and help with my own future snakes. Most recently, I will definitely have to have experience with them as pets first and see if I can handle it, but I've considered breeding tarantulas on the side. The hobby could ALWAYS use more breeders to prevent wild-caught specimens being taken from the wild, and it would help lower their prices. I've gotten so passionate about those furry bastards that I would really enjoy helping out with that. Do you believe in your horoscope? Even if you don’t, do you still read it? Not at all. I don't, because it feels like a waste of time if I don't even believe in it. If a couple is married, do you think there should be any legal punishment if one person cheats? No... I am firmly against cheating, but that sounds extreme. Do you enjoy Tim Burton films? Which one is your favorite? Of course! My favorite is Corpse Bride.

-------

Was the last book you read for fun, or was it for some type of assignment? It was for fun. Do you think you would be a good match for your celebrity crush(es) assuming you have one? Why? If you don’t have one, who was the last person you saw that you found attractive? No, honestly. He really doesn't like seeing people not pursuing their utmost potential, and, uhhhh, look at me, lol. I'm in no way good enough for that god of a human being lmao. How old were you when you had your wisdom teeth removed? I still have them. I only have two, and my mouth has enough room for them. Do you wish you were taller or shorter? My height's fine. Where was the last job application you filled out sent to? Food Lion. Have you ever been fired from a job? No. I quit way too early for that to ever happen. .-. What poster is hanging closest to you? My big Metallica one. Which cuisine do you like the least? I honestly haven't experimented enough with foreign foods to decide on one specific cuisine I really don't like as a whole. Are there any foods you dislike because of the texture? There are A LOT. I am very, very sensitive to textures. Which type of chocolate do you like best? Milk chocolate. Do you let your pets sleep in your bed? Absolutely. Well, obviously not my snake Venus, but Roman? Yes. This is his house, too, and he deserves a comfy space to sleep. If you wear makeup, what are your preferred brands? I don't have one. Have you ever made sun tea? I have no idea what that is. Do you prefer powdered or liquid coffee creamer? I don't like coffee. Did your school have somewhere for girls to get emergency pads/tampons? Yes. Do you think they should make a movie about Hatshepsut? Now here's a question I haven't heard before, ha ha. I actually think that would be quite interesting and certainly empowering to women. Do you like to go to the movies alone? I actually did that for the Warcraft movie, and it was pretty chill. I prefer going with others, though. Have you ever dried down any flowers to keep them? No. What is your favorite thing that you have made by yourself? Probably my Pyramid Head/Halo of the Sun drawing. I worked my ass off on that, and I love how it came out. Do you like using clay and/or peel-off masks for skincare? I don't use those specifically, no. Have you ever made a pillow out of an old T-shirt? No. If you want to be cremated, do you want your ashes scattered anywhere? I haven't really thought of this, but I know I want them to be scattered somewhere. I don't wanna be cremated and have no lineage to cherish the ashes so I just end up thrown away or scattered in someone's backyard or something like that. I guess the desert would be pretty cool, if it was one with meerkats. Would you ever have a deceased pet stuffed? No. I have mixed feelings on taxidermy, but doing that to your pet just... seems wrong somehow. Like I feel that there'd be an unhealthy attachment to a dead body, and it feels like you're not allowing your beloved pet to truly, fully rest. Even if there is nothing beyond death, it's just a respect thing to me. Would you ever have a pet cremated? Teddy was cremated, yes. I WANTED to cremate my first ball python and Chinese water dragon, and both were in the freezer for a long time, but it just... never happened. It's not cheap. Mom also had Cali (her dog) cremated, but didn't keep the ashes herself because of it, once again, being expensive. Personal cremation costs more than a group one. Do you believe in the existence of parallel universes? Nah. How many times a day do you brush your teeth? Once. Collect anything? Any and all meerkat stuff and Silent Hill merchandise. Can you stick your fist in your mouth? ... I'm not about to try that. When was the last time you were high on anything? Never. Ever had a bloody nose? Yes. Have you ever caught a fish? Yes. Ever been up a mountain? Ugh, I wish! What are you listening to right now? I'm watching Gab Smolders play Amnesia: The Dark Descent. Do you have any birthmarks? Yeah; it's on my right forearm, near the elbow. Have you ever been slapped? I've been spanked and slapped on the arm by my mother when I was younger. And sometimes not so young. What do you want pierced? My collarbones, nostril, way more in my ears, and possibly my back dimples if I shrink down to a size where you can actually SEE them clearly... Do you like taking pictures? Of nature and animals. Sometimes people. Do you like getting your picture taken? Hell no. Have you ever started a rumor? No. Do you have your own pool? No. What do you want a tattoo of? You're asking someone who wants to be COVERED in tats, ha ha. I have a billion ideas. Have you ever been skinny dipping? Nah. Have you ever been chased by cops? No. Do you ever wear shirts do show your belly? OH FUCK NO. What about cleavage? I wear tank tops more than anything, so some. What theme does your room have? It doesn't have one. Do you like cows? Awwww, I love cows. :') <3 Which slow animal is your favorite? Sloth, turtle, or snail? Turtles aren't that slow; it's tortoises you're thinking about, so I'll consider them instead. Regardless, I think I find snails the cutest. If you had to create an app, what would it be for? I have zero clue. What is one television finale where you were upset with how it ended? I don't know. Other than mandatory lockdowns, have you had to quarantine at all for CoVid? No. What steps would you take in order to track down a thief? ... Not many, tbh, given JUST how afraid of confrontation I am, ha ha. What is something that one of your family member collects? Dad collects Cleveland Browns and Carolina Hurricanes sports stuff. What are some questions that you would ask your favorite celebrity? I've... never thought of this, believe it or not. I'd be too busy blubbering about how important he is to me and thanking him for everything he's ever done alskdjfkla;wje Have you ever legitimately forgotten to do homework? Yes. That was very, very rare, though. Depending on where you live, why might a day of school get canceled? If there was a 1% chance of half an inch of snow. :^) Everyone flips their shit here when that happens. Also, hurricanes. What types of transportation do you think we will see in the future? Besides possibly flying cars, idk. Which freaks you out more - clowns or porcelain dolls? aklsdjflajdsALSKDFJA;LWJE D O L L S. Porcelain dolls creep me out, man. Do you like salami? Yeah. Do you know your mum's first pet's name? I actually don't, no. Do you like car racing? No. I think it's stupid, honestly. People can get and have gotten seriously hurt, or worse. Who hugs you the most often? My niece and nephew, probably. Has your favorite actor ever been stuck to a project you dreaded watching (e.g., stuck on a bad TV show for years)? No. When you were a child did you wish you were named something else? What sort of fantasy life did you imagine for yourself if you’d only had this other better name? Bro I shit you not, I wanted to change my name to "Dory" because of Finding Nemo, lmao. I never thought about how my life would be different, though. Are you a plant person? How do you feel about the trend of owning many, many houseplants? Nah, plant maintenance isn't for me. I don't care how many plants you own so long as you care for them. It seems pointless to buy plants and just neglect them. What are you sick of hearing about? Anti-vax bullshit. Do you wish that you had more followers on any platform? Do you even pay attention to how many likes/comments/followers you have? The only places I really care about that are my photography Facebook page and deviantART because ffs I TRY to make progress as a photographer lasdkfj;lawe but neither move very fast at all. Are you currently working on an art project? No. :/ I need to draw something for once. If applicable, what color are you planning to dye your hair next? I have three in mind: lilac, pastel pink, or silver. Do you have a sibling who looks like your twin? No. My older and younger sister look remarkably similar, though. People have confused them a lot. Do you think you'd make a good actor or actress? God no, I'd feel far too awkward. Do you believe you have a lot of potential? Ugh, I don't know, dude. Would you like to be rich and own a vacation home? Who wouldn't? Have you ever walked through a labyrinth? No. What eyeshadow color do you think looks best on you? Black. I only wear black. Do you shop in the girls, juniors, or women's section at the store? Women's. Do you play video games? I haven't played a game other than WoW in a long time. :/ I only have a PS2 and Wii, and most of the games I want to play are for newer generation consoles. Is your house more than two stories tall? It's not even two stories. Have you ever had the flu? No. *knocks on wood* Have you ever been unfaithful in a serious relationship? Nope. Would you ever get a lip tattoo? No. I want tons of tats, but that sure isn't one of 'em. Has any place hired you underage for a job? No. Have you ever carried a concealed weapon? No. Does eating breakfast make you sick? No. I'm one of those people that wants to eat right when I wake up. What four states in the USA would you most like to visit? Which four countries would you most like to visit? States: Alaska, Utah, Wyoming, and some southwestern state where I can visit the desert and maybe see wild tarantulas. Countries: South Africa, Germany, Canada, and uhhhh idk. Would it bother you if your boyfriend hugged other females (think hypothetically if you don’t have one)? Why or why not? No? Hugs can just be a friendly gesture. They don't have to have underlying romantic implications. If you had snow-days as a kid, how did you spend them? Do you like the snow, in general? Oh man, snowy days were the epitome of joy when I was a kid. The #1 thing I wanted to do was make a snowman with Dad and my sisters if the snow was the right texture to pack. We loved snowball fights, making snow angels, watching the cats play... and you CAN'T forget making sugary snow cream. Do you know anyone who does hard drugs? Would you ever befriend someone that did? No one that does hard drugs now, no. I honestly don't know how I'd respond to wanting to befriend a hardcore druggie... Like I'm totally aware drug addicts are not innately bad people, but it can be dangerous to associate with them. So idk. Do hospitals make you nervous? Why or why not? Do you have any bad hospital experiences? Yes. I do NOT like being in hospitals. I've never been treated badly in one or anything, but I just have way, way too many ER memories from being suicidal and just stripped of everything that could somehow be interpreted as a "danger." Even books had to be approved. Technology of all kinds, forbidden. All I did was sleep on that godawful bed and wish I was dead. But I'm rambling; point is, I really don't like any health care establishment just because of negative memories. Do you still talk to the first person you ever dated? If not, would you want to? Why or why not? No. We just don't. I wouldn't be opposed to knowing what he's up to. What do you like most about your favorite animal? Their loyalty and bravery are purely astonishing. Do you need a job? Yes. I'm a leech in my house. I serve no financial purpose to assist my mom in paying bills and all of that. I'm a full-grown adult that should be benefiting humanity. Who do you love the most in your life? My mom, cat, and best friend probably top the list. What is your mom doing right now? I hope she's asleep, but she tends to sleep very badly and is frequently tossing and turning around this time. Where does she work? She's on disability. For the type of cancer she had, she automatically got it with her diagnosis. It's recently been a year since her last chemo session, but let me tell you from witnessing it: It takes A LOT out of you. It was actually torturous for her. She's still regaining her strength and healing before she can wisely get another job. Do you have Netflix? Yeah. What was the last thing you quit doing? I don't know. Have you ever read a book that changed your life? No. Who did you last talk to before you went to bed last night? Sara, if through text counts. Have you ever taken Xanax before? Yes; I was prescribed it for quite a while. Have you ever suffered from anxiety or depression? Try both, buddy.

#survey #surveys #random questions

3 notes · View notes