#also i realized that my 7pm is probably not on friday for most of you. which defeats the purpose of fanfic fridays. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yourmcu · 4 years

Text

Emotional Support Mode

Pairings: Tony Stark x daughter!reader

Summary:

in which the reader is the loner, antisocial daughter of Tony Stark and the other Avengers including her father never acknowledge her presence (they thought some sort of interaction made you uncomfortable) so she becomes friends with Friday instead - Tony probs finds out and it’s gonna be all cute n fluffie once he realizes -

Word count: 2,243

a/n: hi just wanted to write fluffy tony :)) also I used they/them for friday’s pronouns

Warnings: angst n fluff, friday’s a bit more advanced (not like they aren’t already but) bc they could almost act like a literal human here.

read it on ao3!

You arrive back at the Avengers facility, shoulders slumped and just tired in general since you have a lot of homework and projects to do from school, most of them due by the end of the week. You also have exams later in the week.

“Hey, Fri,” you huff as you make your way to the elevator.

“Welcome home, Y/N. Where do you want to go?”

Yes, you're very close with the A.I that they started calling you by your first name. “To my room - and uh, will you remind me to read two chapters in my history book after I’m done with all my homework? I also have this project, I just need some measurements later, if you don’t mind.”

“Sure thing.”

“Thank you.”

It’s going to be a long night, you sigh heavily just thinking about it. Now you’re probably wondering, ‘you live with the Avengers! Why don’t you ask Tony and Bruce for help? Maybe Steve and Bucky for your History test?’

Yeah, well... you barely talk to any real person you live with. Maybe it’s you, you always thought you're making the team uncomfortable. You don’t even talk to your own father often which is kind of depressing on your part.

You love them, they’re like your extended family, but it just isn’t working out. Maybe they just don’t like you. Up to this day you still wonder why Tony took you in when you were just a baby (you were a mistake from one of his one night stands) - he had the choice not to.

“I’m assuming you zoned out again. You have arrived to your room five minutes ago.” Friday announces.

“Y-yeah sorry,” you shuffle out of the elevator and swiftly head to your bedroom, closing the door behind you.

“I also asked if I should inform Mr. Stark that you have arrived home.”

“No, no thanks. He’s busy and... probably wouldn’t care anyway,” You mutter the last part as you pile the books you need on your desk. “Can you put my study playlist on, please?”

----

“What time is it, Friday?”

“7PM. I was about to remind you to take a break.”

You get up from your chair and stretch, halfway through the last of your homework which is a two page essay. “You’re too kind, thanks pal,” when you walk out your room to head to the kitchen and grab a snack, the lounge is empty, kitchen empty,

“The team’s on a mission? I thought they had the whole week off,” you say before gulping down a water bottle.

“I checked the security footage: they left about an hour ago. Captain Rogers was talking about getting dinner.”

You put the bottle down. “Oh,” you try to mask your disappointment. This isn’t your first time being alone, they always left you here when they had a mission of course but... well, it’s not like they want you around them. “I’ll - I’ll just make myself something later, then. Not a big deal. I have to study anyway.”

Another hour later, the Avengers are back. They're all conversing happily as they pile in the lounge. Peter's rambling about upgrades for the Spiderman suit while Tony's typing away in his phone, nodding at everything he says. Everyone else is arguing about the TV channels and talking about the new restaurant they ate at.

Rhodey shifts, looking around. “Why do I feel like we forgot something?”

Natasha looks at him, waiting for him to go on.

“I assure you, I brought Mjolnir with me this time.” Thor butts in.

“No not that, what time does Y/N get home from school?” No one answers. It’s not like any of them know. It's natural that Rhodey would be worried about his goddaughter (even if they rarely talk). He turns his head to his best friend who’s now walking away with Peter, an arm around his shoulder. “Tony, where’s Y/N?”

He doesn’t hear since he has his full attention on his protégé.

“I’ll start making this tomorrow, I guess. I still have to buy materials.” You mumble to yourself, but you hope Friday's listening to everything you say just to make you feel less lonely. You swipe the hologram of the blueprint away and place the thick books in front of you.

“I would like to recommend a suitable study plan.” they state.

You rub your eyes, sighing, “I’m already halfway, I would’ve considered it earlier though.”

“This is only a recommendation, feel free to ignore it.”

You push yourself away from the desk and mutter a “go on,”, fiddling with your pen.

“Asking Mr. Rogers and Mr. Barnes would give you more details for your History examination, since the pair were originally from that time period. The same goes for Mr. Banner for your Science examination, I believe he has seven Ph.D’s, you may also approach Vision for the same topic. Mr. Stark has all the necessary materials for your project in his lab. Would you like me to-”

If only it were that easy. It should be easy, the thought alone makes you really nervous. “No, I - I appreciate the recommendation, Friday, but - I think I can do this on my own.”

“But you’re tired and it is almost midnight. I would help you myself but you specifically told me not to.”

They’re not wrong. Your eyes are starting to droop and you barely understand anything you're reading. You're also fighting back tears - why is talking to your family so hard?

“I can sense sadness. Would you like me to activate emotional support mode?”

“Yeah, okay. That sounds great right about now.”

----

“Crap. Guess we lost track of time again, kid,” Tony wipes his hands with a rag while he looks at the time on his computer. “You better get home. I’ll send May a text for keeping you this late.”

“Okay, thank you Mr. Stark. I’m just gonna use my suit-”

“No. Happy will drive you.”

Peter knew better than to argue and insist so he just nods and smiles sheepishly. A minute later Happy came ‘round to take him home.

Tony turns back around. “Friday, make a new project for me please, I’m adding minor upgrades to the Spiderman suit.”

“Not now, boss.”

Oh. He did not expect that. “Excuse me?”

“Y/N is currently opening up. I would like to give her my full, undivided attention. Please come back after fifteen minutes or so.”

Tony doesn’t exactly know how to feel about that. He never sees her outside her room anymore that he kinda forgot she existed tonight - oh fuck, they didn’t bring her to dinner with them.

“Well,” he exhales. “What is she saying?”

“That would be an invasion of privacy.”

“I’m her father-”

“Are you, sir?” Friday’s clever remark makes him stop abruptly.

It’s pretty clear that he’s been a shit father. Not only does he ignore you all the time but he treats Peter way better than his own flesh and blood. The Avengers on the other hand, they were nice people, but just didn’t understand so they try their best to get out of your way.

You were afraid of rejection, afraid to interact, because you had no idea what everyone thought of you. Did they like you? Did you make them uncomfortable? Did they want you around? What about Tony, did he really want a daughter in his life? Because you noticed he’d be better off with a son, yeah, like Peter goddamn Parker.

Tony sighs, walking out of his lab and heads to the mini bar to grab a drink. He needs to think: there's absolutely nothing wrong about you, he just didn’t do his job right, you thought he didn’t care, you thought nobody did. Even Friday is turning against him, doing a better job of comforting and being there for you.

“God, I’m such an asshole,” he mutters to himself, rubbing his forehead. He drinks his last shot and heads to the kitchen. “She still awake?” He calls out.

“She is.” Friday has a bitter tone.

He's hesitant to ask again, feeling really bad for not knowing this simple question - “what’s her favorite beverage?”

----

“How do you feel?”

You sniffle. “Well y’know, better than before. I should probably go to sleep. Thanks, Fri.”

“You’re welcome. Also, Mr. Stark is outside your door.”

“W-what?” You put away your books and straighten up, rubbing your damp eyes. “You’re serious? Okay, uh, let him in?” It's more of a question.

“Alright.”

You turn to face your desk as Tony enters the room, holding two steaming mugs. He sits at the end of your bed, just right next to the chair you're sitting on. “Hi,” he gives you a small smile and hands you a mug.

What’s the occasion?

“What’s this?” You ask quietly before taking the mug from his hands. Tony's being gentle and soft, it's odd but you’re not complaining.

“Green tea with honey. I... I thought I saw you make that stuff once.” He says, not mentioning the fact that Friday told him that.

“Oh, well, yeah,” you take a small sip. He added a bit too much honey but other than that it was good. “I thought you preferred coffee, though,”

Tony shrugs, his eyes glistening when he looks at you. “Wouldn’t hurt to try something new.”

“Did - did you want something, Dad?” You always found yourself awkward, couldn’t even make conversation with someone for long, always wanted to get straight to the point so it could be over with.

He looks like he wants to say something but he just averts his gaze to you, his hands, the floor, then suddenly he leans in and hugs you. Your feel your heart swell and body warm up, it’s a new sensation for you after all, you rarely get hugs from people. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. “For everything. I’m such a bad dad, I don’t deserve you. I even forgot you when we went out to dinner.”

“You don’t have to be sorry for anything. I had loads of stuff to do earlier anyway, so, but yeah I was just - I just overreact, I’m sensitive. I don’t blame you and the others for not liking me, I know there’s nothing like-able about me, I’m not like Peter-” You ramble, tears now leaving your eyes again.

“Sweetheart, don’t say that,” Tony says as he pulls you closer to him, head resting against his chest while he rubs your back comfortably. “Y/N Stark, you are smart, brilliant - I was just an ass for not acknowledging that.”

“I know you’re just saying that to-”

“Oh, but I’m not,” he now places his hands on your shoulders, getting you to look at him. “Tell me who built their first engine when they were eight?”

You blush, “Dad-”

“No, come on, I wanna hear it.”

“I did.”

“Yes you did. And who made a completely functioning robot at their middle school science fair that blew all the teacher’s minds?”

You’re trying to hide a smile, recalling the memory, “I did.”

“And who,” Tony gets up and walks to the bulky looking thing that you covered with a sheet, pulling it off, “is currently building a computer from scratch?”

“Dad! That’s still a work in progress,” he messily places the sheet back and chuckles.

“My point is, you’re a clever and talented girl, Y/N. Don’t bring yourself down. And you don’t have to be shy around your family, those idiots have been dying to get to know you but since you don’t talk much... they don’t want to force it. We love you,” he says. “I hope you forgive me ‘cause I really wanna make it up to you. I’m not calling Peter in for a few weeks.” Tony sits down beside you again.

You couldn’t believe he’d do that for you. “You don’t have to, if you need him for something then-”

“-then you could help me instead, if you’re up for it.”

“I’m really sorry for being such a lonely freak,” you yawn, getting back into Tony’s open arms. “I love you.”

Tony tucks you in and lies down beside you, “I love you tons, kiddo.”

You snuggle into his chest, feeling his steady breathing while he rests his chin above your head.

----

It's morning. The Avengers are gathered at your open bedroom door.

“Are you getting all of this, Friday?”

“Yes, Ms. Romanoff.”

“Steve turn that shuttering sound down!” Natasha hisses at the super soldier who's doing his task, taking pictures.

Steve almost drops the phone and has Bruce fix the volume for him.

They’re all watching you and Tony cuddle together, still fast asleep.

“Do we have to stay here until they wake up?”

“Unless you have a great way of waking them up, yes. Now shut up.”

“If you think about it we definitely look creepy right now.” Sam comments.

“It’s their fault for having the door wide open all night!” Clint says.

Tony's actually awake the whole time, listening to them bickering. “You have three seconds to get the hell out of here before I make all of you polish my suits.” With that, the team races down the hall, pushing each other to get away first like literal children.

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lucys-key · 3 years

Text

Unexpected Encounters (Eren Yeager x Reader)

Part 2: We Meet Again

Rating: Mature (18+ only)

Warnings: Some light alcohol use in this chapter, language, and ~passionate~ making out

A/N: Thank you for the positive response on this story! I had to include some of my fave frat party songs in this chapter LOL. Future chapters will contain smut, so I am changing the rating to NSFW/18+ :)

...

It had been two weeks since you began classes at Shiganshina University, and you were still just starting to get your bearings.

Overall, you had to say that things were going fairly well. Move-in was easy enough, and you were proud of how cute your dorm looked. Your roommate was a petite blonde girl named Historia who you immediately became friends with. Her girlfriend, Ymir, was also often in your room, so they became the people you spent the most of your time with.

There had also been a freshman orientation during the week before classes started, but you didn’t really end up making any other solid friendships from it, with the exception of Annie. She lived down the hall from you and was the one other person besides Historia and Ymir who you spent time with. Annie was in your orientation group, and the two of you had bonded over how exhausting the orientation was and had remained friends ever since.

It was a Friday evening, and you were walking to your dorm with Annie and her roommate, Hitch. You thought that they made an extremely funny pair, as Annie was not very expressive or energetic, and Hitch was the complete opposite. Their personalities complemented each other, however, and no matter how much Annie complained about Hitch’s attitude, you could tell that she liked her.

“I can’t believe it’s Friday again!” Hitch exclaimed as the three of you walked. “We’ve made it a total of three whole weeks here!”

Annie sighed and said, “I can’t believe it’s only been three weeks. I feel like I’ve been here forever.”

You laughed and Hitch poked Annie’s shoulder. “Aww, cheer up!” she said.

As you continued to walk across campus, you passed one of the many frat houses. When Hitch saw it, she made a sound indicating that she had remembered something important.

“Oh yeah!” Hitch exclaimed. “The frats are open tonight!”

To be honest, the idea of attending a frat party kind of terrified you. For the last two weekends, the frats had not been open for their general parties because they were going through the recruitment process for new members.

You, as well as your friends, had chosen not to join Greek life. You figured that your first year of college was going to be stressful enough, and you didn’t need to add sorority obligations on top of everything else. Besides, you could always join next year or the year after.

“How exciting,” Annie said, making it clear that she was not, in fact, excited.

“Oh come on, Annie! It will be fun!” Hitch encouraged, but Annie didn’t give in.

Hitch frowned, but then her expression brightened as she said your name and asked, “Are you going out tonight?”

You honestly weren’t sure. Although the idea made you nervous, you weren’t completely against it.

“I guess I’ll have to see what Historia and Ymir are doing,” you replied, which was the truth. If they were planning on going, then you could definitely be convinced to go with them.

Hitch smiled and nodded at your response.

“Sounds good!” she said, and then began to talk about something else as the three of you continued to walk to your dorm hall.

Once you got back, you stopped at your door and waved to Annie and Hitch as they walked down the hall to theirs. You took your key out of your bag and unlocked the door.

“Hey!” Historia greeted you as you stepped into the room. You saw that she was lying clothes out on her bed while Ymir sat on the chair by her desk.

“What are you doing?” you asked after setting your bag on the floor by your own bed.

Historia continued to move her clothes around while she spoke.

“I’m trying to find an outfit to wear tonight,” she informed you. From the types of clothes Historia had laid out, you assumed that she was most likely planning on going to a party later.

“I keep telling her just to wear anything. It doesn’t even matter,” Ymir said from her place on the chair.

Historia frowned cutely at her girlfriend. “But I want to look good! It’s my first college party.”

Ymir mumbled something under her breath but then stood up to help Historia pick out an outfit.

You smiled as you watched the two of them, but then your phone buzzed from your pocket. You took it out and saw that Sasha had texted you with an update about how her day was going. She seemed to be adjusting really well at her school. You two still talked every day.

You typed out a reply to her message and began to scroll through your social media, but then Historia’s voice shifted your attention.

“Are you coming with us tonight?” she asked, looking hopeful.

You sighed, realizing that you really did want to go. Besides, if Historia and Ymir were with you, everything should be fine.

“Sure. I’ll come,” you confirmed. Historia let out a noise of celebration and Ymir smiled.

After a few seconds, you realized that there was a lot you needed to do before it was time to leave in a few hours.

It was about 7pm, and you wanted to get some last-minute work done before the weekend officially started. You also needed to shower and pick out an outfit for later.

You took a deep breath, suddenly feeling excited about what the night might have in store.

___

Three and a half hours later, you looked at your phone to check the time. It was 10:30pm and you figured it was almost time to leave. You looked at yourself in the large mirror that hung over the back of the door of your room. Since the weather was still very warm, you chose to wear a pair of shorts and one of your favorite tank tops.

After showering earlier, you did your makeup the way that made you feel beautiful, needing the extra confidence boost. The makeup still looked good and you decided that you were ready.

Historia was by her bed adding the finishing touches to her look, and Ymir was tying her shoes. When the three of you were ready, you all complimented each other on how you looked, and then left the room for the night.

When you stepped into the hallway, you saw Hitch coming out of her room, and to your surprise, Annie was beside her. You guessed she had been convinced to go after all.

Hitch waved at you guys and then walked over.

“You all look great!” she said. You saw Ymir put a subtle protective arm around Historia.

“Thanks, Hitch! You and Annie, too!” Historia replied, and then you all made your way out of your dorm building.

Your group ended up following Hitch, as she assured you all that she knew just the place to go. As you walked, you couldn’t help but feel the excitement in the atmosphere. There were people everywhere, and you could hear happy, drunken laughter and music as people spilled out of dorms and houses.

You walked for a few more minutes and eventually ended up in front of a large house. There were a lot of people hanging out outside, and you looked up to see the Greek letters above the porch.

“Come on!” Hitch said. You took a deep breath before following her up the steps.

When you got to the door, there was a muscular blonde guy standing by it talking to someone who you assumed to be one of his friends. You heard Ymir snort from behind you as she walked up to the two boys.

“Sup, Reiner?” she said, and the guy called Reiner scowled.

“They’ve got you newbies working the door?” Ymir continued to tease him. Reiner’s scowl only deepened.

“Nice to see you, too,” Reiner said, and then opened the door. “Just go in already.”

Ymir smiled in triumph, and then you all walked into the house.

“How does she know him?” you asked Historia, and she laughed.

“I know him, too. The three of us went to high school together. He and Ymir have never really gotten along,” Historia informed you. You laughed and nodded in understanding.

You walked through the large house and saw people everywhere. There was a large living room where people were sitting, drinking, and talking, but it seemed like the majority of the action was happening in the basement. You heard music and saw tons of people walking through the living room to go downstairs, so you and your friends followed them.

When you got to the bottom of the stairs, you were surprised by how big the basement was. It was like the house had been designed to host huge parties, which, you think, it probably was. The overhead lights had been dimmed significantly and colorful LEDs were the primary source of light. The main part of the basement didn’t have carpeting, and that’s where people were packed together and dancing, holding red plastic cups in their hands.

“Do you want to get something to drink?” Historia asked, but she almost had to shout because the music was so loud.

Thankfully you heard her and nodded in response instead of trying to speak over the music. Historia said something to Ymir, and then she began to walk towards the dance floor. Historia gestured for you to follow and you grabbed her hand as she led you through the mass of people.

She veered off to the right where there was a small room that had been converted into a makeshift bar.

You looked around and saw a bunch of frat guys standing behind the counter handing people drinks. You couldn’t see their faces because the people in front of you were too tall, so you and Historia waited for them to move. You felt your phone buzz and took it out of your pocket to check it, but then Historia pulled you forward as space became available in front of the counter.

You were still looking at your phone, but then your attention immediately snapped up when you heard Historia speak.

“Hey, Jean!” she exclaimed.

Jean? Did you hear that right?

Sure enough, a familiar face was standing behind the counter. You had to keep your mouth from opening in shock. Somehow you had absolutely no idea that Jean went to your school, or that he had even been planning to go there in the first place. You hadn’t seen him on campus since you got there three weeks ago.

“What’s up?!” Jean enthusiastically greeted Historia, and then he turned to look at you. He was clearly just as shocked as you were.

His initial surprise didn’t last long, however, as he grinned and said, “Oh shit! Hey!”

Historia looked between you and Jean, putting together that the two of you knew each other from somewhere. When Jean took two cups from the counter and began to fill them, Historia turned to you and asked, “You know Jean?”

You nodded and leaned in closer so she could hear you. “Yup. Went to high school with him.”

Historia giggled and then looked back at Jean as he finished filling the cups with what you assumed was a mixture of all different types of alcohol.

“Here you go!” Jean said and handed the cups to you and Historia.

Before you turned around to leave, Jean gave you a knowing look. You weren’t sure what it meant, so you decided to ignore him and walk with Historia back out to the party.

It took you guys a while to find the rest of your friends, but you eventually found Ymir and Annie standing off to the side, looking like they were chatting about something. As you approached them, Hitch suddenly appeared and ran up to Annie to grab her hand.

“Come on!” she urged, and before Annie could object, she was being dragged to the dance floor. You laughed as you watched, but then Historia took Ymir’s hand and gestured for you to follow.

“Let’s go dance!” Historia exclaimed. You followed them, trying your best not to spill your drink as you maneuvered through all of the dancing people.

Eventually, the three of you found a spot that wasn’t so crowded, and you laughed as Historia tried to get Ymir to dance to the beat of “Hotel Room Service.”

Ymir took a drink from Historia’s cup and then relented, letting herself relax as she began to dance with her girlfriend. You took a sip from your cup, too, and felt yourself loosen up. You looked to your left and saw Hitch and Annie moving toward you. You laughed at Annie’s expression, but you could tell she was having a good time.

You danced with them until the song ended, not caring about how you looked and just letting yourself have fun.

After the song was over, your ears got a brief reprieve as there was a pause before the next one started playing. You took another drink, and from where you were standing, you could see the stairs that led to the basement. You saw a group of guys walking down them, and you recognized Reiner and the boy he was talking to at the door of the house. There were two more people behind them, but Reiner and his friend were blocking your view of their faces.

When they reached the bottom of the stairs, it was clear that they were all pretty popular as a bunch of guys, who you assumed were in the frat, walked over to greet them and clap them on the back. You snorted at the obnoxious display.

You turned your gaze away from them as your phone buzzed from your pocket. You decided that you should probably check it since you remembered it had also buzzed earlier. But when you looked, it was just Sasha informing you that they had chips at the party she was at. You laughed and sent some celebratory emojis back.

“How was door duty?!” you heard Ymir yell over the music. You looked up to see that Reiner and his friend had made their way onto the dance floor and were standing near you and your friends.

“None of your business,” Reiner asserted, and then said something to his friend that you couldn’t quite make out, but sounded something like, “What’s taking him so long?”

You didn’t know what that meant, and you didn’t have much time to think about it as Historia grabbed your arm started dancing with you. Her movements were dramatic, and you laughed as you danced with her. You had both discarded your empty cups onto the floor with everyone else’s.

You heard Reiner say, “Oh, there you are,” and almost at the same time, felt your back hit something.

You immediately turned around to apologize to whoever it was you had bumped into, and when you did, the other person also turned around to face you. When you saw who it was, you froze.

Because standing in front of you was Eren Yeager.

You kind of stared at him for a second, not knowing what to say or do. You hadn’t seen him since the night you two happened to meet over the summer.

What was he doing in a frat house at your college?

But then you looked down at Eren’s white shirt, and sure enough, the name of your school was written on the front. It appeared that your college was also his college.

Not knowing what else to say, the thing that came out of your mouth was, “You go here?!”

Eren had been staring at you, too, but he laughed after your question.

“Yeah, and I assume you do also?” he asked.

You nodded, still in shock that you had run into him unexpectedly for a second time. Eren looked similar to how he did when you saw him over the summer. His hair was tied back in his usual style, but he had on loose-fitting basketball shorts instead of sweatpants. You also noticed that he had tiny black studs in his ears, which he hadn’t been wearing the last time you saw him.

Eren smiled and then leaned down until his mouth was next to your ear so he didn’t have to talk over the music.

“Funny we keep running into each other like this,” he said.

The air was warm, but you shivered as you felt him so close. Although you hadn’t seen Eren since the summer, he had never really left your mind. You met him when you were so young, and you weren’t sure what you had expected his more mature, adult-self to be like, but you certainly hadn’t been prepared for the Eren that stood in your room at home and in front of you now at this party.

As you looked at Eren’s handsome face, which was illuminated by the colorful flashing lights, you decided to forget about everything else and just enjoy the fact that you were able to see him again.

“Club Can’t Handle Me” was playing over the speakers, and you lightly touched Eren’s arm and looked into his green eyes, grinning mischievously.

“Want to dance?” you asked.

Eren seemed surprised at first, but then he returned your grin as he took your hand and pulled you closer.

You giggled as you put your arms around Eren’s neck, and his hands found your waist. He definitely wasn’t the most coordinated person ever, but it didn’t matter. His movements were enthusiastic and fun, and you were having such a good time. You felt the heat from Eren’s body wherever it made contact with yours.

When the chorus of the song came around, Eren began to mouth the words dramatically, and you couldn’t help but laugh.

He leaned down and asked, “Having fun?”

You nodded at him enthusiastically, and he smiled brightly in return. You saw that a piece of his hair had come loose from where it had been tucked behind his ear, so you brushed it back into place.

“I like your long hair,” you told him before you could stop yourself.

Eren’s eyes widened slightly at the compliment, but then he smirked.

“Really?” he asked playfully.

You regretted telling him for a second, but then you decided to just go with it.

“Yeah. It suits you,” you confessed.

Eren smiled and then brought his lips next to your ear to make sure you could hear him.

“You know,” he said, “I didn’t recognize you at first when we met over the summer.”

You laughed as you remembered that night.

“Yeah, I bet I looked pretty different,” you said. “Six years is a long time.”

“Mhmm,” Eren breathed, and you could hear his words right next to your ear. “You looked good, though. Still do tonight.”

You felt your entire body become hot as your heart rate sped up significantly, the words ringing loud in your ears despite the music. You didn’t know if it was the alcohol that was making you feel so affected by the compliment, or if it was just the fact that it was Eren who had said it.

After a few seconds, Eren moved his head so were looking into his eyes again. You decided that it was most definitely Eren himself who had you all nervous and flustered. Everything about him was suddenly intoxicating, and you couldn’t bring yourself to look away from his face.

You both stared at each other until your gaze flickered down to his mouth. Your heart rate sped up even more as you realized that you really wanted to kiss him.

It seemed like Eren was thinking the same thing. He watched as your eyes lowered to look at his mouth and he inhaled sharply. He moved his hand from your waist to place it gently on your cheek.

You looked back into Eren’s eyes, seeing your same desire in them. You unwrapped your arms from around his neck and moved them to rest your hands on Eren’s chest. You didn’t care about the music or all of the lights and people around you—the only thing you could focus on was the boy in front of you.

Eren slowly moved his face down until it was mere centimeters from yours. Your entire body felt like it was on fire as Eren looked into your eyes one last time.

“Is this what you want?” he asked, his voice just loud enough so you could hear it over the music.

It wasn’t even a question what you wanted.

“Yes,” you breathed, and Eren smiled.

“Me too,” he whispered, almost to himself, and then brought both of his hands to your face and closed the final gap between you.

It was like nothing you had ever experienced before. As Eren’s lips met yours, you immediately responded to his touch, moving your lips against his eagerly. You could still feel Eren’s hands on your face as he continued to kiss you passionately, making you melt into him completely.

You moved your hands across Eren’s broad chest, feeling the solid muscle through his shirt. He made a noise of approval low in his throat as he expertly parted your lips to explore your mouth with his tongue. You could taste whatever alcohol he had drank earlier that night, and you moved one of your hands from his chest to gently trace the line of his jaw before running it through his hair. Eren moved his hands to your waist and pulled you even closer so there was not even an inch of space where the front of your bodies weren’t touching.

You didn’t know how long you and Eren stayed like that, but eventually, you pulled away from each other, both of you breathing heavy. You stared at him, sort of in a state of disbelief that that had just happened. You’d often mentally roll your eyes at people who shamelessly made out with each other at parties, but you decided that you were beginning to understand the appeal.

Eren appeared to be just as discomposed as you. You had no idea what to say to him after that. You didn’t have to think about it for long, however, as Eren broke the tension.

“Uh…” he said, not able to find any real words to use.

“Yeah…” you replied after a moment, and then you both started to laugh.

Although you hadn’t expected the night to go this way, you had absolutely no complaints. You weren’t sure what this meant for you and Eren’s relationship moving forward, but you decided to worry about that later.

Eren looked like he was about to say something, but then someone came up and threw an arm around his shoulder.

“Yo, Eren, the Pres needs us.”

It appeared that Jean had been released from his job as bartender. You assumed that the “Pres” he was referring to was the president of the fraternity.

“Okay, can you give me a fucking minute?” Eren asked. Jean turned his head to get a better look at who Eren was with.

When he saw you, his eyebrows raised comically, and he smiled knowingly.

“Ahhh, I see,” Jean said, and then he moved his arm off of Eren’s shoulder. “Don’t be too long, though!” Jean called as he walked away.

Eren let out an exasperated breath once Jean was gone.

“Sorry about that,” he said. “New member duties and all.”

You smiled and nodded in understanding. “I get it. You better go, then.”

Eren smiled, albeit regretfully, and then leaned down once more so his face was next to your ear.

“I guess I’ll see you around,” he said, your name leaving his lips at the end of the sentence. You didn’t think you’d ever get used to hearing Eren’s voice so close like that. You didn’t get a chance to respond, however, as Eren had already turned to walk away.

You watched him as he walked until the mass of dancing people blocked your view. You smiled to yourself, so glad that you had chosen to go to this party after all.

You looked around and saw that Reiner and his friend had also gone somewhere else, presumably to the same place as Eren. Before you could look for your friends, you felt someone run up to you and start hitting your back repeatedly.

You turned around and saw that it was Hitch. She had the funniest smile on her face as she exclaimed, “Oh my god! Oh my god!” repeatedly.

“You saw that?” you asked, now feeling shy.

“Yes ma’am,” she said, and then playfully hit your shoulder again. “How could I not?! That was you and EREN FREAKING YEAGER! How do you know him?!”

You laughed at her excitement and said, “It’s a long story.”

Hitch raised her eyebrows suggestively and you shoved her lightly in return.

“It’s not like that,” you tried to convince her.

Hitch just continued to smirk. “Whatever,” she said. “I told you this party would be fun.”

You couldn’t agree with her more.

Read part 3 here

#eren yeager #eren x reader #attack on titan #fanfic #jean kirschtien #historia reiss #ymir #reiner #snk anime #hitch dreyse #aot anime #unexpected encounters

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hurricanery · 3 years

Text

What’s a Soulmate?

Hi! This is my first Amelink Fic. Completely AU//Little snippets of ‘What if Link and Amelia had met at a different time in their lives?’ Also OOPS THIS IS REALLY LONG. TW: implied drug use.

_______ Atticus Lincoln is 9 years old when he discovers what a soulmate is. Not by definition exactly, but the feeling is there.

It’s a sunny afternoon in mid-august, one of the last few days of freedom before school starts up again. Few of the last chances Link will get to spend all day outside, practicing his baseball pitch with his dad.

Earlier that day, Link and his father had noticed moving trucks line up across the street. Right in front of the house where Mrs. Edelstein lived before she was put in that nursing home.

“Looks like someone’s finally moving in,” Link’s dad had said.

‘Good,’ Link had thought. No more Mrs. Edelstein and no more apples on halloween.

_______

The two are just finishing up their batting practice when a minivan pulls into the driveway of Mrs. Edelstein’s old house. A woman steps out of the driver’s side first, before chaos ensues. Both sliding doors of the minivan fly open at the same time, before a handful of young voices are heard. Link watches from afar and counts one by one as they pile out of the car.

A taller, teenaged girl and a dark-haired boy around the same age immediately sprint toward the house, the girl yelling something about ‘dibs on the biggest bedroom!’

“Nancy! Derek! Slow down!” the children’s mother yells after them. The woman sighs as two more young girls jump out of the car and start running toward the house. “Come on, Amy,” the mother speaks again. Slowly, another girl appears from the car. Immediately, Link notices the age difference between this girl and the other kids that had just disappeared into the house. She seems much closer to his age. Link is amused by her more reluctant pace, compared to her siblings. He watches as the girl’s mother begins to practically drag her toward the house.

“Why don’t you go say hi, Link? Introduce yourself?” His dad’s voice officially halts him from observing the family across the street.

Link shakes his head. “Maybe later,” he says, his gaze drifting back to the house, where he can see the children running around through the front windows.

_______

It’s a little bit after 7pm now, and Link and his dad have just finished dinner. It’s still light outside, a nice summer night, and Link wanders back outside to hopefully curve his boredom.

There’s not much to do in his backyard, at least not by himself. He feels a tug in his chest when he thinks back to earlier. The way he was completely enticed by the big, rowdy family across the street.

He wanders to the front lawn in search of his baseball mitt when he sees her. The youngest girl from earlier. She’s sitting cross-legged by herself on the sidewalk in front of her new home, focusing deeply on the pavement beneath her, sidewalk chalk in hand. Her long dark hair is pulled back into a braid, but despite that, she seems to be pushing her bangs out of her face every few seconds.

Link is a pretty shy kid and he knows that. Even a little timid. But there’s something about this girl that’s piqued his interest. He really wants to know her, and to be her friend, he thinks.

So he gains up enough courage to cross the street, not before checking both ways for cars first. He approaches the house slowly, but the girl doesn’t seem to notice his presence. Her head remains turned down, focusing on what she’s doing.

“Um hi my name is Atticus Lincoln and I live across the street,” the sentence comes out in a rush, words stringing together completely. And maybe he should have made his entrance more known, he thinks, as he watches the girl almost fall back from where she was sitting with her knees tucked underneath her.

“Shit, you scared me,” the girl gasps, blue eyes wide.

And Link is stunned. Because that is not what he expected to hear. His eyes are now just as wide as hers “Y-you’re allowed to say that?"

The girl just stares at him for a second, before something seems to click in her brain, and then she’s laughing with her head thrown back. Real, genuine laughter. The kind that Link has only seen on sitcoms, or when his aunts and uncles drink too many adult beverages at family barbecues.

He loves the sound of it. It’s making him laugh, too. "You have a funny laugh,” he tells her.

“You have a funny name,” she retorts.

“Hey,” he frowns, but it doesn’t last as he can’t help but laugh. “Well what’s your name, then?”

“Amelia.”

“Amelia?” He repeats, dumbfounded. Partly because he’s never really heard the name before. It sounds sharp. And he thinks it matches perfectly. Especially with the quick and witty words falling from her laughing mouth.

“Yeah, ya dummy. Have you never heard that name before?”

And Link, for the first time in his life, is at a loss for words. Because she is something else.

“Anyway, Atticus, do you wanna play a game?”

_______

Link is 16 years old when he discovers that high school is the bane of his existence.

Link is a decently popular kid. Apparently. A favorite student in the eyes of most teachers. A friendly face for most of his classmates. A star baseball player and a name well known in the small community. But he doesn’t always see himself the way that others do, most of the time.

He has to wear this thing called deodorant all of a sudden, sometimes his face breaks out, he is nervous almost all of the time, and on top of all that, yesterday he found out he’s the only one in his friend group who’s never kissed a girl.

He feels pressured, mostly by the fact that girls in his grade are so intimidating.

It’s friday morning and he’s running kind of late for school. But he knows that doesn’t really matter. Because as late as he is, he knows Amelia will be running even later. And he’s supposed to meet her in 2 minutes to walk to school. Like they do every day.

He wanders outside and paces the sidewalk in front of her house, waiting for her front door to swing open and for her to come barreling outside as if getting ready for school is the most hectic experience.

And like clockwork, there she is. Flying down the front steps of her porch while simultaneously shrugging on her backpack and flinging her hair up into a messy ponytail. Her face lights up as soon as she sees him, but she falters just as quick, as she almost falls facedown on the sidewalk.

“You didn’t have time to tie your shoes this morning, Ames?”

"I don’t have time for a lot of things, Link.” She rolls her eyes.

“Well maybe if you woke up on time-”

“That’s impossible.”

“Go to bed at a decent time?”

“How do you know I don’t go to bed at a decent time?” She smirks at him, a common occurrence. Link’s pulse quickens every time she pulls the mischievous grin.

He blushes before he responds. “Your bedroom is literally right across from mine. Your light is on until at least 3am.”

Amelia just giggles. That fantastic, contagious giggle that Link has heard everyday for the last 6 years.

He nods to himself, knowing fully well that Amelia’s homework routine typically takes place between midnight and 3am. He doesn’t understand how she does it. She saves everything for the last minute and yet remains to have the highest grades out of everybody. It’s like the opposite way he goes about his own academics, yet it yields the same results. Even though Amelia is far smarter than him, she has almost the opposite reputation with the teachers.

Amelia bumps her hip into his side as they walk, shaking Link from his thoughts. “You going to the party tonight?” She raises her brows at him in question.

“Probably not,” Link answers. She just laughs at him.

“We’ll see.”

_______

They both end up at the party that night. A stupid high school party. Separately, that is. Because despite how close Amelia and Link are, they have very different friend groups. Link’s friend group is mostly made up of the baseball team, while Amelia tends to flock towards a tougher crowd.

So they arrive separately, but as soon as they lock eyes in the crowded basement, they’re practically running toward each other.

“Link!!!” Amelia yells, a little too loudly, unlike her. “I’m soooo glad you’re here.” She smiles at him, but her eyes are unfocused.

“Amelia are you drunk already?” Link laughs. Amelia’s usually a pretty happy drunk. At least the times that Link has seen her this way.

She nods her head around enthusiastically. “That I am,” she giggles. “Lemme find you a drink okay?”

_______

A couple hours later and Link’s ready to leave. He’s not drunk, just a little tipsy. And he’s not really feeling like being here anymore. He looks around the room to see if Amelia is still here. But he can’t seem to find her. He shrugs it off and says his goodbyes before making his way outside to walk home.

When he reaches the front porch he halts. Because there’s Amelia. Sitting with her knees pulled up to her chest on the front steps, gazing forward as if she’s thinking really hard about something.

Link clears his throat. “Whatcha doing there?”

As soon as she realizes Link’s presence, she shakes from her daze, smiling up at him. “Waiting for you. I felt like going home a while ago but I thought I’d wait for you.”

“That was cool of you.”

“No biggie.”

Link towers over her, even after she stands up. The height difference can be almost comical sometimes. She scrunches her nose a bit at him, like she’s taking in the height difference, too. And with that, they start their walk.

Link’s pretty quiet. More so than usual, Amelia notices.

“Something bothering you?” She asks.

“Uh, no. I’m fine.” And Link is the worst liar ever.

“Link…”

He’s silent for a moment.

“Amelia have you ever kissed anyone?”

Amelia laughs, cause she was not expecting this. “Yeah, silly. Why do you ask?”

And oh, Link thinks. That is not what he wanted to hear.

“Who?”

“Well. Umm. Jake. And Tyler. And-”

She notices him go quiet, eyes glued to his feet as they walk.

“You okay, Link?”

He shakes his head.

“Well what’s up?” She continues.

Link sighs deeply before responding. “Amelia, I’ve never kissed anyone..” he quickly mumbles out.

“I’m sorry I didn't really hear you. Did you say-”

“I said I’ve never kissed anyone,” and you could definitely say his voice is raised.

Amelia doesn’t really know how to respond. “Link, that’s okay. That’s fine.”

“No. It’s not. Everyone else has. Literally everybody.”

“That’s not true.”

“You have though.”

“Yeah, but-”

“But, what?” He interrupts her, and Amelia catches on that he’s pretty upset right now.

“It didn’t mean anything. I kissed those guys on a dare. At a stupid party. I didn’t even enjoy it.”

“Still,” Link sighs. “I feel like a freak. Kind of.”

“Well you are a freak,” she smirks at him. “But not because you haven’t kissed anyone.”

Link visibly relaxes, smiling back despite the dig. They're quiet again for a few minutes before Link speaks up again.

“Amelia, can I ask you something really dumb?”

“Sure, dummy.”

He sighs again, as if he’s working up some sort of courage, because he is. “Can I kiss you right now?” He looks to her face for a reaction before he continues. Of course she looks startled and confused. Just as he’d expected. “Not like serious. Like just so I can get it over with?” He explains quickly.

“Are you for real?” She giggles, still a little drunk.

“I am.”

“No, you idiot. I love you too much."

And now it’s Link’s turn to look startled.

"You’re my best friend,” She continues.

Oh. Right.

“And I’m not letting you waste your first kiss because you 'want to get it over with.’”

_______

2 weeks later and final exams are cramming their way into Link’s life. As he wraps up studying for a chem exam, he checks the clock. 1am. He yawns, standing up and stretching, before deciding to call it a night. Link finds himself glancing across the street, knowing it’s prime time for Amelia to be studying, too. His gaze lands on her bedroom window, but he frowns as he notices her light is turned off.

Link doesn’t think too much of it. He’s actually a little relieved that Amelia has seemingly gone to bed at a decent time. He quickly brushes his teeth and sets his alarm before collapsing into bed.

On the verge of sleep, Link is interrupted by a noise against his window. He tries to brush it off, but it becomes more persistent. Every 10 or so seconds, a sharp tap against glass. He gets up, crossing the floor, peering out his window. He rubs his eyes as they adjust, looking down at the front lawn.

And there’s Amelia Shepherd. Dressed in skinny jeans and a leather jacket, looking right back at him. Link thinks he’s dreaming. Amelia grows impatient at his slow reaction, taking it upon herself to throw another small rock against the glass. Link jumps back, startled. He opens the window.

“Amelia, what-” He groans. “What are you doing? What time is it? What-”

“Can you let me in? I need to stay over.” She interrupts him.

Something about her tone of voice seems off, Link thinks. But, he’s moving down the stairs and toward the front door quicker than expected for being half-asleep.

They settle on the sofa in Link’s living room. Amelia immediately begins kicking off her ankle boots. Link watches her, noticing her glassy, blood-shot eyes. He sighs.

“Don’t be mad at me.” Amelia picks up on his disappointment right away. She leans back against the cushions, resting her eyes shut. Link is glad for it. Her eyes are absolutely stunning. He has no problem admitting it. But, he hates the way they look when they are glazed over and hinting red like that. Her eyes remain closed as she mumbles at him “Can I have a glass of water?”

Link silently obeys her request. Moving about the kitchen slowly, as to not wake his father. When he re-enters the living room, Amelia is sitting up again, playing with her fingers anxiously. Link sets the glass of water on the table before he sits back down next to her.

“Thanks,” she mumbles. “I’m sorry.”

Link shakes his head. “You okay?” He asks her.

She pauses, gathering her thoughts. “I did something stupid.”

Link is not phased by this. She “does something stupid” quite a lot these days. And, quite a lot, she ends up on his couch when she doesn’t want to face her problems right away. And Link lets her do this. He lets her hide out across the street when she can’t go home yet.

“I took Derek’s car this time,” she almost whispers. And Link’s head snaps up, glancing through the front window and to her driveway across the street. He notices Derek’s car to be missing still.

“Amelia!” It’s a combination of a whisper and a shout. “You can’t be driving around like this-”

“Oh please!” She interrupts him, matching his tone. “I just smoked a little weed!”

Link glares at her. Locking eyes with her hazy blue orbs.

“And besides...I didn’t drive his car home. I walked.” She continues.

“You walked?!”

“Hey! I left his car didn’t I? I was being safe!”

Link takes a minute to steady his voice. He can hear some shuffling around upstairs but decides to ignore it.

“I would have come pick you up.” He sighs. Amelia leans back against the cushions again. Link notices truly how anxious she looks. She looks up at him, worry and regret dancing all across her features. He sighs again, and this time he sounds more understanding. “We’ll go get his car first thing in the morning.”

She smiles a bit, grateful. She looks so tired.

“Did you leave it Jake’s?” Link asks, flinching at the thought of her even going over to his house. Link can’t stand the guy. He’s a bad influence on her, the school’s go-to dealer. Not to mention the guy is repeating his senior year. Ugh.

Amelia nods. “Yeah-”

They’re interrupted by the sound of footsteps descending the staircase. Link’s dad turns the corner a moment later. Link meets his dad’s eyes apologetically. When he sees Amelia and Link on the couch, he nods to himself knowingly.

“Hi, Mr. Lincoln,” Amelia speaks up. “Sorry to wake you.”

Link’s dad looks at Amelia, nodding with understandment. “That’s quite alright, Amelia. Just came down for a glass of water, actually.” Link knows his dad is making that last bit up. He’s just checking in. “Are you okay?”

Amelia nods gratefully at the man still standing in the doorway. “I’m okay….thanks Mr. Lincoln.”

“Yeah thanks Dad. I’ll be back up in a bit.” Link watches as his dad disappears, eyes shifting back to Amelia. Her eyes close again as she relaxes back against the couch. Link squeezes her thigh gratefully. Grateful to his dad for being practically a second parent to Amelia. Amelia smiles sleepily.

“Your dad is the best.”

“I know.”

Amelia’s smile fades and Link’s heart clenches a bit at the sight of it. He knows that his dad has acted as sort of a father figure to Amelia, especially because Amelia’s dad had died when she was so young. Link and Amelia had even bonded over being raised by single parents growing up. He feels sick with guilt. His parent’s divorce can’t even compare to what Amelia has been through.

“Alright we can talk tomorrow, ok?” Link whispers, squeezing her thigh once more before standing up. He grabs a blanket from the basket in the corner and tosses it to Amelia. She wraps it around herself before moving to lay down across the couch. Link heads toward the stairs.

“Link?”

He pauses. “Yeah?”

“Just, please-” Amelia’s voice is laced with sadness. “I, just. I don’t want you to be mad at me.”

Link sighs from the doorway. “I’m not, Amelia. It’s...just. You scare me sometimes.”

Link hears some shuffling around before he sees Amelia’s head pop up over the back of the sofa. She glances back at him.

“I know. I’m sorry.”

Link just stares at her, not knowing what to say. He’d rather they have this conversation tomorrow. But, Amelia speaks up again.

“I don’t know why I do this stuff sometimes….” her voice is barely a whisper, it sounds like she’s talking more to herself. “It’s just nice to not feel...sometimes...to be not feeling everything. If that makes sense…”

Link nods quickly. “Amelia we’ll talk tomorrow, ok?”

Amelia nods in response, still looking unsure of herself.

“We’ll get donuts on the way to pick up the car, how’s that sound?” Link speaks up again, smiling at her.

Amelia beams at him. She finally drops down against the pillows. Link takes a second before he turns back toward the stairs. As he makes his way up, he hears a quiet “thank you” from behind him.

_______

Link is 18 years old when he discovers what it feels like to miss someone so much it hurts.

He’s been away for his first semester of college for 2 months now and not even weekly Skype sessions with Amelia can distract him from his shitty experience so far.

His roommate is the definition of douche-bag. Constantly trashing their room, eating all of Link’s food, staying up all night, locking him out of the room for hours at a time when he has a girl over.

Link hates it here. And he misses having his best friend. And the comfort of being so close with someone and having them near at all times.

Amelia is having a different experience. She got into college on a scholarship and immediately found her place.

Link doesn’t like to admit that he often catches himself counting down the days until Christmas, aka when he’ll see her again. Hear her laugh again, and not just through a webcam.

_______

Link learns to find new distractions. He joins the college baseball team. He meets new people. People he actually enjoys, way more than he’ll ever enjoy his roommate or the people that live on his floor.

He meets Emma. She’s on the college dance team. She’s beautiful. And tall. And genuinely funny. And a distraction.

He thinks he loves Emma, by the end of his first year of college. He feels something every time he looks at her. With her beautiful dark hair and her tan skin. Her wide smile and the way she laughs with her entire body. She feels familiar. And makes him feel nostalgic.

And he crushes any thought he has of Emma equaling his Amelia. His best friend.

He loses his virginity to Emma. It was a stupidly quick and drunken thing. By the time he returns home that summer, he can barely remember what it felt like. Or why he thought he knew what love was when he looked at Emma.

_______

Link is 22 years old when he discovers what it feels like to finally open up.

He hasn’t seen Amelia in almost a full year, although they still consider each other one another’s best friends.

It’s finally thanksgiving and they’re both returning home from their separate colleges for the weekend. He’s completely shocked when he first sees her. She looks the same but so, so different. More mature. More….something. Her hair is cut a bit shorter, framing her face. Her eyes are more intense than he remembers. Her face lights up at the sight of him and it makes his chest pull tight. He takes in what she’s wearing, the blue in her dress doing all the right things for her features.

Amelia clears her throat, drawing his attention back up to her face. “Long time no see, Link. Eyes up here.”

He shakes his head amusedly as he pulls her into a tight hug, because she’s already making him laugh within the first few seconds of being reunited.

_______

They end up at a local restaurant. The night before thanksgiving, which happens to be the busiest bar night all year. It’s also the night that everyone from high school decides to go to the same place. It basically feels like a premature high school reunion.

Amelia and Link attempt to stay together for the entirety of the night, but it’s a little hard when you’re constantly interrupted by vaguely familiar faces and pointless conversations.

After Link catches up with an old buddy for what seems like hours, he moves across the crowded room to find Amelia. It’s well past 1am and Link kind of wants to go home. He has to get up early tomorrow anyway to set up for thanksgiving festivities.

He catches her eye from where she’s sitting at a table, and motions toward the door, attempting to let her know that he’s leaving.

She frowns at him before abruptly ending whatever conversation she was part of.

Link watches her as she pushes through people to meet him by the door.

“You’re leaving without me? What kind of date are you?” She smirks at him as she shrugs on her jacket.

“I wasn’t aware this was a date, Ames.” Link responds, playing along. “But yes, I am leaving. Early morning and all that.”

“Well let me walk you home.” She continues, voice laced with irony.

_______

They end up back at Link’s house, sitting at the kitchen table. And it all feels very nostalgic. Especially with Link’s dad upstairs sleeping. Link feels like a kid again. Amelia makes him feel like a kid again.

Mostly there’s a lot of catching up, and reminiscing. And conversation about the future. It’s good. And Link is happy. And Amelia is laughing, so inherently, Link is too.

“Remember that time junior year when you were so sleep deprived because 'college prep, duh’ that you slept-walked all the way across the street, to my house, and started throwing random shit at my window?”

Amelia bursts out laughing. “My sleep schedule was always a mess. But how about that time we got so drunk senior year? And we fell asleep on your front lawn? And my mom found us the next morning?”

_______

They talk about everything. All the things they used to love. All the things they missed about each other while they were both away. Everything that’s new to them.

Amelia learns everything about Link’s college experiences. All of the drunken mishaps. All of the ex-girlfriends. Even some weird sex things that she can’t ever un-hear. She learns that Link wants to pursue med school, possibly move out to the city.

Link learns that Amelia wants to follow in her older siblings’ footsteps. He learns that she loves science and wants to become a surgeon, and Link swears to her that he had always known that about her.

Amelia tells him about the relationships she’s been through. And the one she’s currently in.

“You’ll get to meet him this weekend, Link. He’s driving in tomorrow. For dinner.”

Link swallows, hard. Because suddenly things don’t feel so much like nostalgia and a happy, familiar place. Things feel uncertain.

“How long have you two been together?” He asks, feeling a tad out of place.

“We met my freshman year. We’ve been dating on and off since then.”

“On and off?” Link questions.

Amelia clears her throat. “Well, yeah.” She sighs. “We’ve broken up more than once. And gotten back together a couple of times…It’s um…” She pauses, collecting her thoughts. “It’s been, um, I mean I wouldn’t say a roller coaster, but…”

Link watches Amelia’s face fall with her half-attempt at an explanation. For the second time tonight, Link realizes that Amelia looks different. And it’s not just the confidence or the mature face. It’s in her eyes. And Link thinks she looks sad. Despite the fact that she’s been laughing freely, the same way she always has. It doesn’t reach her eyes.

Link doesn’t want to pry. But he almost feels obligated to ask. Because this is his best friend. His favorite person of practically 13 years.

“Amelia, are you happy?”

She doesn’t look up from where her eyes are glued to the kitchen table. It feels like minutes have passed before Amelia stands up on wobbly feet and walks around to Link’s side of the table. She still doesn’t say anything, but all of a sudden she’s forcing her way into Link’s lap, legs dangling off the side of the chair and arms wrapping around his neck.

She looks exhausted, he notices, when he looks into her eyes. And then she finally opens her mouth.

“I had the biggest crush on you in high school. Probably since I was 9, if I’m being honest.” And she laughs a little bit under her breath.

She lays her head on his chest so he can no longer see her face. Link wraps his arms around her waist and places a comforting kiss to the top of her head.

“And I of course was head over heels for you, but you already knew that. Everyone did.” He whispers, tightening his grip on her just slightly, giving her a gentle squeeze.

She laughs into him, and Link can feel it on his neck. It’s a tired, breathless laugh.

“Let’s crash on the couch, yeah?” He offers. “Like old times?”

_______

It’s weird for Link the next night at dinner. To see Amelia snuggled into the embrace of another man. Not even 24 hours after she’d fallen asleep in his own arms.

Link cringes when he recites it in his head. The way he’d whispered ’I’ve always loved you, Ames. Always will’ before they drifted off.

And the way that she’d responded. ’I love you too, Link. You’re my best friend.’

Link is angry, he thinks.

_______

Link is 25 years old when he discovers that he’s destined to be a father.

When his fiancé of two years, Rachel, tells him she's pregnant, he almost falls to his knees. So overwhelmed with a feeling he can’t place. He hopes it’s that he’s overjoyed, not overwhelmed, or the least bit uncertain.

He would love nothing more than to be a father.

_______

Link feels numb, three months later, when Rachel loses the baby. Waking up in the middle of the night and discovering such a thing, rushing to the hospital, only to find out it’s too late. It was draining for the both of them.

And it takes a toll on their relationship.

Rachel is defeated. And grows more and more depressed.

She takes her anger out on Link, and he does the same with her.

They decide to take a break, and Rachel moves back in with her parents. She needs some time for herself. And Link doesn’t know if he feels relieved. But he feels something. Cause he knows he was supposed to be a father.

_______

Link is 28 years old when he discovers that Seattle is his true home.

He’s graduated medical school and landed an internship at a top hospital in the city. He’s been in Seattle for almost 2 months now, and he feels like he’s in the right place for the first time in a long time.

It’s a monday morning and he’s taking his regular train ride downtown when an all too familiar brunette steps into the subway car.

The car is kind of crowded, and she automatically makes her way to a less dense standing spot. She doesn’t see him, cause she’s not really looking around.

Link is frozen in his seat, unsure of what to do. He hasn’t seen her in almost 3 years. Since they met at a restaurant in their hometown on New Years Eve. He was with Rachel at the time and things were very different.

Link realizes the next stop is his and he almost debates staying on to take his chance with Amelia.

The doors open and Amelia is getting off. And this is his stop, too. He leaps out of his seat just in time for the doors to not close in on him as he exits the train.

And he's definitely moving a little too fast and with too much force, because as soon as he’s on the platform, he’s running right into his childhood best friend.

She looks more startled than ever. And he takes a second to catch his breath. “Long time no see, Shepherd.” He smiles.

And her face lights up like never before. Brighter than before the average walk to school. Brighter than the time she first visited him at college. Brighter than a Thanksgiving reunion. She’s pulling him into the tightest of hugs, laughing breathlessly into his ear.

“What the hell, Link? What the hell are you doing here?” She lets go of him and they’re making eye contact, smiles wide across both their faces. They both seem to need to catch their breath.

“I could ask you the same thing.” He jokes.

Amelia shakes from her daze. “I..I live here now. I start a new job today. Like now, actually.”

Link just shakes his head knowingly, trying to contain the smile that just won’t quit. He doesn’t have much to say.

He’s overjoyed.

_______

Link is 29 years old when he discovers that his 9 year old self was correct. He knows what a soulmate is, by definition.

He knows what a soulmate is when he takes Amelia out on their real first date and he doesn’t even kiss her goodbye, because the timing isn’t quite right.

He knows what a soulmate is when he watches Amelia become a brilliant neuro fellow. When he watches her work. And save lives. When he realizes that he’s loved her determination since the moment they first met.

He knows what a soulmate is when they have sex for the first time. And it's way better for the both of them than it ever was with anyone else. When they take it kind of slow, reveling in each moment. Because it doesn’t feel real. She doesn’t feel real. It’s understated and overwhelming and it drives Link insane.

Amelia had asked him to stay over after they’d gone out with some of their other co-workers after a successful surgery, and when the making out and cuddling pressed into something further, Link couldn’t deny her.

Link knows what a soulmate is that night. When she looks him in the eye and goes to remove her sweater. It’s all vulnerability and it leaves him awestruck. But this is his best friend, and his soulmate. So when he asks her if she’s sure, and she sighs with words of encouragement, he takes the opportunity to learn every inch of her skin.

Link knows what a soulmate is the next morning. When he wakes up with the sun shining harshly through the window. And he turns to Amelia, who’s still sleeping, and traces the lines and shadows on her back from the bright sun.

Link knows what a soulmate is that same morning when she finally wakes from her slumber, rolling over to face him and whispering ’let’s make pancakes.’

Link knows what a soulmate is when they move in together. In a tiny apartment in Seattle. And they paint the walls a different color in every room.

And despite their first fight, Link knows what a soulmate is. He meets Amelia’s nieces and nephews. And he makes a nonchalant comment about kids one day. And she panics. And doesn’t talk to him for three days.

Link knows what a soulmate is when he learns to compromise. Because she doesn’t always have the best track record with long term relationships. She’s nontraditional, and he understands that.

And she’s still his soulmate when they turn 30. They get a bigger house in the suburbs. Link calls it 'room to grow’ and Amelia rolls her eyes and calls it 'extra work space.’

When they’re 32, and they’re attending their co-worker’s amazingly beautiful wedding, and Amelia distractedly states that ’maybe I’ll marry you someday,’ Link knows what a soulmate is.

_______

Link is 34 years old when everything falls into place for the rest of his life.

He comes home and Amelia has cooked dinner, something she never does. (Unless this is secretly takeout food, that she’s organized neatly onto their own dinner plates).

The atmosphere is different and Amelia definitely has a nervous energy about her.

Later that night when they're practically asleep, and Amelia mumbles “by the way, I’m pregnant,” Link knows what a soulmate is.

At first he thinks she’s kidding, but when she assures him she’s not, Link is up and turning on the lights. Dancing around the room like an idiot. And Amelia is laughing. Head thrown back and everything, his favorite sight to see.

And he’s never felt so happy.

_______

They settle on a name the same day they find out it’s a boy.

“Aiden?”

“No.”

“Charlie?”

“No.”

“Sam?”

“No.”

“Link, come on. Why do you hate every single name that I like?”

“It has to feel right, Amelia. We’ll know when it’s the right one.”

“Ugh. Okay. How about you come up with one?”

Link purses his lips. “How about Scout?”

“Scout…” Amelia repeats. “That’s a funny name.”

“It is,” Link smiles.

“You have a funny name,” Amelia continues, smirking.

“Scout,” Link repeats. “It’s perfect.”

Feedback please/let me know if you want me to write more amelink/send prompts!!

#amelink #amelink fanfic #amelia shepherd #atticus lincoln #amelia x link #amelinkfic #my writing

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gogo-karasuno · 4 years

Note

Hello, spare any headcanons or scenario for Tsukishima/female reader enemies to lovers? Maybe they tried to keep it secret but their cover is blown??

- You and Tsukishima start out as Enemies/Academic Rivals. One of his gifts is being good enough at everything he tries but even better when he applies himself. This carries over to academics as well. He is fine with not striving to be at the very top of his class. Maybe he gets a few glimpses of your test scores to realize you consistently do better than him. It irks him but that is something he can ignore. Now, if Tadashi points this out then things are suddenly on.

- What this means is that you suddenly become a Primary Target of his Signature Salt and Snark. From your perspective (and rightly so) everything about this unfounded. One day the beanpole of a blond in your class becomes extra assholish to you in particular. You could cave by ignoring him until things blow over. Or, you could snark and salt back at him. Rolling over to take is nowhere near as fun. He started his Battle of the Wills but you will win it. Honestly, he has no idea what to do when he receives what he serves.

- Yamaguchi is already a bystander and it stretches on for a long, long time. He wordlessly understands a lot about Tsukishima. This means he voices opinions to him even if it ends with “Shut up, Yamaguchi!” and Tsukki brooding with his headphones on. He points out or vaguely hints to his best friend that arguing with you seems to be a highlight of his. That ends with being told to shut up and knowing he was right.

- Tsukishima’s Day of Reckoning comes when you miss a day of school. He expected to enjoy the day without having to see your face. But, the fact he keeps thinking about you not being here drives him mad. He reaches new levels of, “I don’t know how to express my emotions so I’m being a dick.” By lunch, Yamaguchi is sick and tired of his shit.

“Tsukki, you miss her. Just admit it to at least yourself.”

“Why would I miss the reason I’m having a day of peace and quiet? Maybe next time she can take His Royal Highness with her.”

He really does miss you because you are his Rival. That means you are officially deemed as being worthy of being on his level.

- The Denial Stage falls apart really fast. A few days later he has the realization of “I actually like her.” hit slam into her like one of Duo’s Minus Tempo Quicks. The bad news for you is how he addresses these feelings. The Salt and Snark actually manage to reach new heights. If he cannot ignore his tender feelings for you then he will bury them. It is such a stereotypical reaction even Tsukishima believes himself to be above it.

- You are more than likely aware of his feelings and have some of your own. Yes, he is frustrating and gets on your last nerve and a thousand negative things. But, he is also keenly observant, funny, and other, slightly softer things he tries to hide. That does not mean him asking you out is not a surprise.

“I know you’re free this weekend. We’re going to Sendai.”

“You could ask me.”

“I am asking.”

“No, you are demanding.”

“Yes or no?”

“Fine. We’ll go.”

- The actual date turns out to be a really fun time. You spend several hours exploring the Sendai museum. At his favorite exhibits, Tsukishima fills you in on more trivia than is presented. Afterward, you go to grab a really late lunch. Be warned that he does pick at his plates more than eating them. If you nudge him to eat more he gives you one of his trademarked Looks. But, he does eat his entire dessert. The two of you went to this cafe-bakery that serves decadent desserts. He has probably the best looking slice of strawberry shortcake you have ever seen.

- He does say that he wants to keep your relationship secret for a while. The main reason he cites is that both of you have reputations to uphold. You can tell there are other things weighing on his mind but those are not coming out right now. One of those things is the fact he refuses to let Akiteru even catch a whiff of him being in a relationship. The same goes for the volleyball club finding out. He will never know peace again.

- Yamauchi and one or two of your most trusted friends work really hard to help the two of you keep your cover. Shouyo Hinata blows that out of the water at 7pm on a Friday. He sees the two of you around town so stops to say hello. Tsukki he obviously knows but you are known, at best, in passing. This prompts him to ask Tsukishima if the two of you are dating. You crack up at one of the “Simpleton Idiots” having more emotional understanding than you boyfriend. Tsukishima blushes high on his cheeks while denying it. This news spreads like wildfire including the Team finding out. You will never know peace again.

- Tsukishima eventually does settle into openly dating you. There are not any grand displays of affection in public nor does he suddenly treat you any softer. But there is a sense of relief to no longer having to hide you. After all, he has fantastic taste and lowkey wants the world to know what they are missing out on.

#tsukki x reader #tsukishima x reader #kei tsukishima x reader #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu headcanon #haikyuu!! imagine #haikyuu!! imagines #haikyuu!! headcanons #hq imagine #hq imagines #hq headcanons #hq x reader #Anonymous

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pascalpanic · 3 years

Note

JOSIE MY LOVE CONGRATS ON 1K HOLY SHIT 💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙

Can I get in on the character ships? I know you know me pretty well at this point, but I’m a 24-year-old, INTJ scientist who tries and fails at grad school. I’m a workaholic and when I’m not pulling long evenings in the lab (or driving all over the city of Chicago to run experiments), I’m at home eating ice cream and binging stupid cooking shows so I can melt my brain. Other than that, I enjoy hanging out with my two cats and any SO that I have will have to make it past my kitty, Kulfi, who’s a protective attack cat. I love to read, play the piano, and of course, write :)

In a partner, I would definitely like someone who would understand & appreciate a busy schedule. So, if I’m not home until 7pm or later because of lab, it would be nice if they would understand & know I’m not trying to ignore them. Science is a fickle mistress. Also, I’m on the ace spectrum so I find sexual attraction difficult unless I really know the person well, which may or may not be everyone’s cup of tea (ah well). My redeeming qualities at the very least are heaps of sarcasm, power tools, and car repairs. So I can probably redo your bathroom & change your car oil and save you some $. Perks of being in an engineering lab :)

Thank you so much my love, you are amazing, and I love your work. 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕 you deserve every one of those 1K followers!!!

PRIYAAAAA HI HI HI

I would ship you with Marcus Moreno!

Marcus is the softest, sweetest guy out there and perhaps the most understanding. He works a hectic job just like you do, and he understands that some nights mean you won’t be home until very late. Marcus is a workaholic too, but the two of you can balance each other out when you realize how little you’ve seen of the other lately and make time to meet in the middle and just be together.

He absolutely adores cooking shows, and you and Marcus can often be found on a Friday night bundled up on the couch watching a Chopped marathon (Marcus prefers GBBO, but he understands that it doesn’t play on cable). Marcus, despite his literal metalworking superpowers, is absolutely shit with mechanics, so he really appreciates the fact that you can handle the cars. Missy makes fun of him for it, but oh well.

You’re on the ace spectrum? Not a problem. Marcus is getting older; that brings his sex drive way down, as does having a nosy preteen that could walk in at literally any second. With you, he’d want it to be something special that the both of you only do when you really want to consummate the relationship or something of that type. He’d much rather cuddle on the couch and down a whole point of his custom Ben and Jerry’s flavor with you (like the Hulk, there’s a specific Marcus Moreno flavor).

it’s a party! come submit a request UNTIL MIDNIGHT TONIGHT, CST, and I’ll ship you with a Pedro character!

#pascalpanicparty #Marcus Moreno

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dategetmy802 · 3 years

Text

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Why the f*ck did I decide this was a good idea?

Well, to be fair, I didn’t.

When Sheena suggested going speed dating, it’s not like I leaped at the idea. I thought of the whole thing as very old-school and riddled with horny old men.

Besides, I already had Tinder for awkward one-liners and terrible pickup lines. I was starting to think the night would have been better curled up in bed with my dog, tea and 'Game of Thrones.'

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Several men had already gathered outside the bar where we were supposed to meet, an unremarkable Irish pub in the Financial District. A couple of Russian women were talking about their plans to get green cards out of the night.

That's a starter, I thought. At least the women will be just as sad as the men.

Before the official speed dating began, we began chatting with two men wearing business casual. They introduced themselves as Samuel* and Camden*.

Camden, who was Australian, made a beeline for Sheena. I talked to Samuel, but his gaze kept flitting around the rest of the bar, as if he were scanning for other prospects.

I couldn't believe he was rude enough to make his boredom known. I also can’t remember the last time I finished an entire glass of wine that quickly.

Speed dating is either a fantastic idea or a terrible one. If you don’t have the balls to approach men at a bar (or if you don’t have the patience to wait it out until they do), this is a sure-fire way to buy five minutes with any man in the room.

On the flip side, there’s nothing quite like speed dating to make you realize just how long five minutes can be.

When seven o'clock struck, we began settling in booths and tables that had been set aside for us. Women stayed in the same seats throughout the night, and the men moved counter-clockwise. It felt a little like musical chairs, and I was betting that most of us would strike out.

My first real “date” was a man named Reggie*. He was obviously the oldest man in the room and clearly way over the 30-something age cap. In fact, I’d be surprised if he wasn’t in his 50s. Sir, why are you still here? Why can't you follow instructions? This is why you're single, Reggie.

Every exchange felt like an interview, so I started using an interview format with the men I didn't particularly like. I found myself asking different men the same questions:

“Is this your first time?'

“What do you do?'

“Do you have any hobbies?'

“Are you originally from New York?'

After a few forgettable dates, I met Tom*, who handed me a rose and shook my hand. There was just something so try-hard about this that it was hard not burst out laughing.

Seriously -- this guy bought an entire bouquet of roses so that he could sweeten up his predictably mundane dates. He also took notes, like an overeager kid sitting in the front row in class.

No one likes a teacher’s pet, Tom.

Vishnu* followed. Poor Vishnu. He was short, and he spoke in such a soft, thick accent that I had to ask him to repeat himself after almost every sentence. His palms were visibly sweaty. I felt so bad for him that I almost wanted us to be a match.

Mitch* was the only one who truly irritated me. He could have been attractive -- with his dark complexion and his broody eyes -- if only he didn’t tell me to “be calm in (his) presence” after I mentioned that I was tired from work.

People like this exist, ladies, and they’re hiding in plain sight, waiting to pounce on your unsuspecting, single ass.

Ricky* gave me his phone number after our conversation (illegal in speed dating). “I don’t care about the rules,” he said.

The fact that I have dogs was more than enough to get his engine revved. He had a farm -- a f*cking farm -- and was looking for someone to help run it. I mean, there's a great pickup line on its own: 'Hey, girl, want to run my farm with me?'

Let's be honest -- I probably would have said yes.

I can’t remember the next guy’s name — Paul? David? Ellis? — but our exchange was memorable enough to make my night.

I asked him a simple enough question: 'So, what are your hobbies? What do you like to do for fun?'

He responded with a typical list: hanging out with friends, the gym. Oh, and traveling. He loved to travel. Emphasis on travel.

The most rational follow-up question to this declaration was where his favorite places were to jet off to. He responded back, in total seriousness: “Florida. I love Florida. I’ve been to all the theme parks.'

I was waiting for a follow-up, a “just kidding. I’ve been to Timbuktu, and it changed my life,” but none came. He really f*cking loved Florida.

“Have you been anywhere else besides Florida?” I asked, hoping for a way to salvage this conversation.

He looked back at me meekly. “No. Just Florida. Well, I’ve been to Jersey, if that counts.'

By the time Sheena and I left (with Ricky and Samuel hot on our trail), I was horrified.

This was dating these days? Had we come to this -- to treating matchmaking like job interviews, with the same asinine questions and even more asinine answers?

I used to make fun of the girls who turned their noses up at everyone and thought they were too good for dating. But I slowly felt myself becoming one of them.

It took a few hours for the guilt to hit me.

In making fun of the try-hard Vishnu or old-fashioned Reggie, I realized I was acting like a majorly stuck-up bitch. Many of the men I met that night were simply too busy to meet women organically, like at work or a party.

Who am I to judge? I thought. I basically live my life on dating apps, and who’s to say those are any better?

Ricky texted me the next day, all smiles and excitement. I still haven’t responded. I mean, I'm not sure I want to run off and start my farm family with him.

I think I’ll still try my luck on Tinder.

*Name has been changed.

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ablogcalledrevenge · 4 years

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Never Really Over

(a Gabriel O��Malley x Reader Insert Multichapter Fic, Rated M)

Chapter One

There’s a knock on your door around 7pm on Friday night. You’re not expecting anyone and you freeze on the couch, knowing the episode of Wonder Woman is loud and clear. You grab your gun from the table and shove it in the back of your shorts, the metal cold against your skin. It might be nothing, but better to be safe than sorry. Los Angeles in 1978 was a seedy place and you weren’t an idiot. It’s also interesting to note because you live in a gated apartment complex; no one can get in without you letting them in first. So whoever’s at your door means business.

You unbolt and open the door, see who it is, and immediately slam the door in their face.

“Hey! Fuck (Y/N), let me in! I gotta talk to you. Open the damn door!” He yells through the wood, not doubt alerting your neighbors. Unfortunately it was now that you regretted living with so many secretive people; they knew not to call the cops. While most of the time that was a good thing, now you wish they would. He deserved a long stay in some holding cell after what he put you through. But you also knew he was stubborn and would probably stay there all night yelling if you let him. So with a sigh, you open the door and let him in.

Gabriel O’Malley steps over the threshold and back into your life like nothing ever happened. Like you’d never told him you loved him, and like he never left you without a word. Like a year hadn’t passed without so much as a phone call. You were a little surprised by how much it hurt to see him, how much you still weren’t over him. It was embarrassing.

He sits down at your kitchen table, quiet and waiting. There is a brief standoff where you just stare at each other. Throwing up your hands, you turn on the stove to boil water for tea. You grab mugs from the cabinet, unthinkingly taking his favorite- blue and green swirled porcelain- without even realizing.

“You know, you got a lotta of nerve coming back here. Everyone knows what you did to me, you’re not going to find many sympathetic friends.” You say as the tea brews. He doesn’t say anything, content to watch you. You’re annoyed that he caught you in your pajamas. It’s a cute set, a pink satin tank and shorts your sister gave you, but he doesn’t deserve to see it. You should plug him full of lead right now, the absolute nerve!

“Yeah well, I couldn’t stay in New York. Shit happened.” He finally says, as you give him his tea. You could doctor it up just the way he likes, you still remember, but instead you place milk and sugar on the table between you. He doesn’t look bad if you’re being truthful. He looks like he gained a little bit of weight, which was good since he was such a beanpole, but he’d lost a lot of the beautiful color he’d gotten working in LA. Everything else is the same. His hair, his stubble, his clothes, the mole on his cheek you used to kiss for luck. It’s all there and you can feel your heart shriveling in your chest.

“Oh I know. We all know what went down in New York. It’s a fucking mess, is what happened. I mean, I’m all for girl power but you completely dismantled Hell’s Kitchen. Apparently the broads you backed couldn’t even keep themselves together. You stole the Hasidim from the Italians, which was a risky move, and you’re gonna hear about it for sure. But then, the girls start to split; one of ‘em died and the other is trying for Harlem? Yeah, good luck with that.” You snort into your tea. He looks pained at the mention of Claire’s death but it’s true. If she were smart, she wouldn’t have died.

“And now you’ve come crawling back to us. You backed the wrong horse and you know if you show your face in Midtown, they’ll cut your throat. I don’t know what’s more stupid; that you came back at all, or that you thought this would work? Did you expect me to open the door and fall into your arms with gratitude? Think you could just walk into Zayde’s office and get your job back? Are you outta your fucking mind? They’ll kill you when they find out you’re back.” You promise, trying to keep your voice down. The walls between apartments were insulated and people minded their own business, but this was still a touchy subject.

“Look I know I messed up! I was trying to help. They’re my people, some of them family and they needed help. The guys in charge were running it into the ground. You should’ve seen the way they treated their wives, it was disgusting! Believe me, even with all the bullshit, the Kitchen is better with the women in charge. But I got too invested and Cathy told me to leave, so here I am. They’re not gonna kill me, I’m no rat. I just, you know, abandoned the family and broke your heart. Sorry by the way.” He shrugs, looking sheepish but not worried. You see red and stand up from the table.

“Sorry by the way? Sorry by the way! You fucking schmuck! You broke my heart! You left without a word, without a reason. I didn’t know what happened to you or where you were. I thought you’d been taken or killed! And then I hear that you’re in New York, helping the Irish and screwing some married bitch! The same one I’ve been in the shadow of since we met! You expect me to be okay with a sorry?” You accuse, the anger practically steaming off your body.

He sips his tea and you almost lunge across the table. Your cat tinkles in from the other room and meows at Gabriel, who peers down with a very soft look. Your heart cracks again.

“Since when do you have a cat? She’s cute.” He asks, picking up Magenta and letting her snuggle against his chest. You glare at the traitor, as if you didn’t cry into her fur about the man holding her.

“I got her about 6 months ago. It helped to have someone around, even if she couldn’t really talk back. I just got really lonely here.” You admit, finger running along the lip of your mug.

“What? You haven’t dated anyone since I left?” He asks, looking genuinely confused. Which surprises you considering he’s here to apologize and possibly worm his way into your heart. But his surprise that you weren’t seeing anyone didn’t add up with the other stuff. Why would he want you to date other people? Maybe to make him feel less guilty?

“No I did, but it was never that serious. I just didn’t feel like getting involved with anyone like that. It felt like I was betraying you, even though you would’ve deserved it.” You can hear the faint sounds of Lynda Carter stopping bullets from the other room. Then a beer commercial starts and you bite your lip to stop yourself from crying. With him in the apartment, it’s like everything is reminding you of before. Before he left for New York and took your heart with him.

“Yeah well, looks like we’re both back to square fucking one.” Gabe scoffs, draining his cup and letting Magenta jump down from his lap. He glances around your apartment, though it hasn’t changed much in a year, before leaning back in his chair.

“So, where am I sleeping?” He asks and you pull the gun from your shorts and point it in his face. You’ve reached your tipping point with him, clearly.

“Un-fucking-believable. If you think you can just come back here and everything will go back to the way it was, you’ve got another thing coming. Now get outta my house.” Your gaze is deadly and your hand doesn’t shake. Gabe gets up slowly and walks towards the door, hands up in a placating gesture. The barrel follows him. He opens the door and steps out of your apartment and into the warm night air.

“You look real beautiful (Y/N), fuck it’s good to see you.” He says wistfully before you slam the door in his face again. What an asshole. Still, you can’t help but smile at his boldness. Gabriel O’Malley wasn’t a loud man, didn’t care about being in the spotlight, but he was always bold. It was nice to see some things hadn’t changed.

~~~~~~~~

He ends up taking a bus to Tony’s house, happy to still remember where everything is. The house looks the same, pale green siding with blooming flower boxes under the window. It looks like the hydrangeas finally grew, that was nice.

Taking a deep breath, Gabe knocks on the door as the fireflies buzz around him. Shit, it was late, wasn’t it? He should’ve come at a different time. But before he could flee, the door opens.

“Gabey! Oh Gabey, it’s so good to see you! Come inside and eat something, I made stuffed shells. Here, I’ll get you a plate.” Mrs. Petrillo says, ushering him into the house. Even if he wanted to argue, he wouldn’t. You didn’t argue with Mrs. Petrillo. She was 5 feet of pure Italian dynamite and he loved the old broad to pieces.

A huge plate of food is set in front of him, along with wine and bread, and he eats happily as Mrs Petrillo putters around her kitchen. Her house slippers make scuffing noises on the laminate floor and the sound is comforting to him.

“Gabey patatino, how are you? What are you doing back? How was New York?” She asks, sitting next to him at the old diner style table and patting his hand.

“I’m good Mrs. P, I’m good. New York was… well some good things happened and some bad things happened but I’m doing okay.” He explains in between bites. She makes a sympathetic noise and gives him another slice of bread.

“Hey Ma, who was at the door? Was it… Gabriel O’Malley, you sonuvabitch! You know, you gotta lot of nerve coming back here.” Tony says, entering the kitchen with a grimace. Gabe gives a tight smile in response.

“Anthony Michael, is that any way to talk to your friend? Let him eat before you start yelling in my kitchen.” Mrs. P shoots back. Her son looks abashed for all of a moment before rounding back to Gabe, his gold cornicello swinging on his neck.

“Friend? This chooch fucks off for New York without a word and breaks (Y/N)’s heart with it and we’re supposed to let him back like it’s nothing? Ma, he doesn’t deserve the stuffed shells.” He yells, rightfully so; Gabe thinks as he wipes his mouth.

Tony’s mother starts yelling about language and hospitality but the sound of Gabe pushing his chair back makes them quiet.

“He’s right Mrs. Petrillo. I’m a real jerk. I did a lot of things wrong. I was trying to help who I thought was my family and I ended up hurting the real one I had here. I made a lotta mistakes, the biggest one being how I treated her. But that’s why I’m back. I want to say I’m sorry, sorry to everyone, and fix things with her. I know it’s a mess, I don’t even have a place to stay or money.” Gabe sighs, rubbing at his forehead.

Mrs. P makes a soft sound of commiseration and hugs him.

“Don’t worry patatino, everything’s gonna be fine. You can stay here until you get back on your feet. Right Anthony?” She offers, shooting a glare at her son. He glares at Gabe before nodding in concession.

“I can’t stay mad at you, you leprechaun. Stay here and work on getting your life together.” Tony says, joining his mother to wrap Gabe in a hug.

For the first time in months, Gabriel feels safe, he feels comforted. In New York, despite the power he had and Claire in his bed, he always felt so antsy. Like he was just waiting for everything to fall out from under him. When it did, well, it was probably a good thing that no one was in the train compartment with him on his way back to California.

“So what do I do Tony? Got any jobs for me? You know I’m good for it.” He finally says when he sits back down at the table to eat and his throat doesn’t feel so tight.

“Well, there is a wedding next week.” Tony says and he grins over his wine glass and Gabriel can’t help but laugh and raise his own glass in agreement.

Chapter Two Coming Soon...

Tagging: @babbushka, @theold-ultraviolence

Please let me know if you’d like to be tagged in future chapters!

#never really over #the kitchen #gabriel o'malley x reader #gabriel o'malley #reader insert fanfiction #self insert fanfiction #gabriel o'malley imagines #fanfiction #my writing

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theroguequeenaniki · 5 years

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I have a LOT more pictures and videos, but for this post, here are ten. (A lot of the pictures that I haven’t posted are blurry, but still great for memories, lol.)

Here is my fan-account/post about this weekend when I saw Tiffany Young in Dallas!

Friday November 15th 2019 - Sunday November 17th 2019

Whoo! A lot has happened this weekend! It was a very fun weekend, lol.

I went to Dallas with my sister, and one of my best friends, Raven ( @snek-and-angle), for a concert.

Friday November 15th 2019

Day before the concert.

On Friday I didn’t do a lot, mostly spent the day in great anticipation, and I packed, and did my nails, and all that. My brother and his girlfriend informed us they weren’t able to come to Dallas with us, so that’s the main reason I’m writing it here. B/c I’m using it as an introduction. Initially, this trip was going to be me, my friend Raven, my sister, my brother, and his girlfriend. But, last minute it ended up just being me, Raven, and my sister. But we still took my brother’s car. (He and my sister traded for the weekend, lol) So, yeah. I went to bed late b/c I was up packing. Lol.

Saturday November 16th 2019

Day of the concert.

My sister and I got up early, I got up at like 8a, she’d been up for a little while, lol. Raven had messaged me she was up at like 7a. So, we got dressed, made sure we had everything we needed, I grabbed a beverage (my usual cherry coke lol), we said bye to our parents (who were still in bed lol), and the cats, and hit the road. First stop was picking up Raven. We picked her up and then we officially were on our way to Dallas!

We made one stop along the way, and that was at Buc-ees, b/c, well, we needed gas, plus, it’s Buc-ees. Lol. So, we got our gas, and also grabbed a snack. I got a chicken caesar salad and a pepsi icee. Then we drove the rest of the way to Dallas. We made really good time, and got there like 1 ½ hours before Check-in for our Hotel. So, we went to see if we could check in early, we couldn’t, b/c they didn’t have any King Suites available yet, but they allowed us to check our bags, and told us they’d call or text if our rooms were ready before 3p. So, we went to do a little exploring. There was a small park by our hotel, that had some Christmas decorations. We also popped into a Starbucks, but my sister & I didn’t get anything, only Raven did. We were going to chill there for a while, but..they closed. Lol. So, we went back to the park, and sat on a bench, and just did people and dog watching, chatting, and playing on our phones. Lol. Some kids came up selling bags of M&M’s for a $1, my sister and I declined, but Raven bought some (she loves M&M’s lol).

Our rooms weren’t ready before 3p, so at 3p we went back to the hotel, but only my sister’s room was ready. So, we got our bags, and went up to her room. We hung out in there, and I actually started to get ready for the concert, b/c our room was taking too long, lol. My outfit was a black lacy top, black leggings, and a maroon skirt, along w/ black boots. (Though at this point I was still wearing my tennis shoes lol)

My sister and I finally went down to see if our room was ready, and it was. So I got the room keys, and went back up, and Raven and I went to our room to finish getting ready.

Our hotel was Hotel Indigo, it was a pretty fancy hotel, located in Downtown Dallas, it stands where the Historic Dallas Opera house used to be. It was really nice and I loved it, but I think we felt a little out of place, lol. Anyway, we had two King Suites. One for my sister (which she was going to share w/ my brother & his girlfriend, but they didn’t come) and one for me and Raven. They were nice, they had a living room and a bedroom, a flat screen in both rooms, a really nice bathroom, a keurig, and a mini fridge. Mine and Raven’s suite was actually a little bigger lol.

So, once we were finally in our room, we finished getting ready. I did my hair(pig tails, w/ black and white bows, w/ metal buttons from Hot Topic, lol), makeup (literally just bb cream & lip gloss lol), put on jewelry(bangles, a cat ring on both ring fingers, my Buffy ring on my left ring finger and my ring from Sarah Rees Brennan on my right ring finger (yes, I wore two rings on each finger lol), I prepared my bag(tickets, id, money, lightstick, camera, portable phone chargers, etc), I put on my black boots, and then my sister met us at our room, and we went to dinner.

We went to a place called Zenna, which served Thai and Japanese food. And it just so happened to be Happy Hour, so I had a California roll and it was very good. We also had some edamame, and some spring rolls (which were some of the best spring rolls I’ve ever had). For my entree I had Teriyaki Chicken w/ fried rice, it was really good. I also had a coke for my drink. It was a really cool restaurant. Our waiter was also pretty cool, lol. We couldn’t finish our food, b/c there was so much, so we took the leftovers back to the hotel. (Leftovers I am currently eating while writing this post, lol) Raven and I then grabbed the things we’d forgotten, and then went back downstairs to get an uber and head to the venue. (My sister went back up to her room b/c she wasn’t going to the concert lol)

We took our uber to the venue, the guy literally got out of the car and opened the door for us, like a chauffer lol. (Raven followed along the route on her phone for as long as her phone would let her, and I followed it on google maps, I also texted my sister when we got in the uber, and when we got to the venue, for safety, always be cautious, you guys). And then stood in line for about an hour until doors opened at 7pm. We only had general admission tickets, so we didn’t get to meet Tiffany (this time, I’m hoping to get VIP the next time she tours, b/c I’m sure she’ll tour again, lol). The line wrapped around the side of the venue. It was cold, I brought my jacket, as I was wearing a lacy top, Raven had decided not to bring hers, b/c she was wearing a sweater, and we weren’t going to be outside very long. We ended up sharing my jacket back and forth, lol. A girl came around the line passing out glow sticks, we took them, but then after a while realized we didn’t want them, so we gave them to the people behind us, who were very happy to get them, b/c we’d gotten the last two. Some guys walked by offering “free hugs” and “free hugs from an Englishman” or something, Raven and I ignored them, lol. Once doors were open, the line moved pretty quickly, and we were inside by 7:04p. lol.

Once inside, we headed straight for the merch booth. I bought a tour t-shirt, the pen, and the photocard & stand set. Raven bought a lightstick. (I had my Girls’ Generation molar bong lol) Raven then bought a beer, and we went to find a place to stand, we were near the back. We took a pictures of our lightsticks together, and I was starting to accept that I would probably have a hard time seeing the stage, when the staff opened up the stairs to the balcony. Luckily, we were right by the stairs, so we booked it up there, and got a spot right on the railing, and I had a perfect view of the stage. (With a column blocking only a very small portion of the stage) I was right by the trash can, but it didn’t bother me (there wasn’t anything smelly in it) and it meant that there was no one but Raven beside me. Some girls asked Raven about her light stick, b/c it was the Tiffany Young one. Raven went down to buy another drink, and she bought me a coke. (B/c there was a $10 minimum & she needed to close out her tab lol) I took a few sips.

Then.

The show was starting. I had my lightstick in one hand, my camera in the other, and my coke at my feet (it was a bottled one lol). Everyone was chanting “TIFFANY! TIFFANY! TIFFANY!” the pink ocean below me was beautiful (I was part of a smaller pink ocean up top, but, of course, we were really all one pink ocean lol) Tiffany came out on stage dressed in sparkly blue shorts and a white top, white boots, blue lacy gloves, and a cowboy hat a fan had given her at the VIP Meet & Greet. I was floored. I was in awe. I was crying. I was screaming. I was singing. There in front of my eyes, in person, was the real life Tiffany Young of Girls’ Generation. I wasn’t looking at a screen, I was looking at the real Tiffany. She was singing Run For Your Life and I was so excited. I was filming, then I was taking pictures. She performed Over My Skin next. I’m not going to list the full set-list, b/c I can’t remember the order, and I can’t remember the names of some of the cover songs, lol. I didn’t film most of Run For Your Life and Over My Skin b/c I was taking pictures. Talk as well. I mastered, somewhat, the art of watching her on stage, and not looking at my camera, but keeping my camera on her. A few times it panned down to the audience, but, I mean, I was dancing and waving my lightstick and living in the moment! Because Tiffany Young was in front of me on stage putting on an amazing show and I was so so happy! Every song was more exciting, I didn’t touch my phone for 2 hours! I barely noticed how much my feet hurt (Raven and I both wore heeled boots, b/c they make our outfits look cool, and they make us taller, lol) I was living in the moment, I was seeing one of my idols, live and in person, for the very first time, after TEN YEARS of being a Sone. I was moved. It was..it was magnificent. I loved every second of it. I filmed most of the concert, though. Every song she performed, I just about died. Run Devil Run. Heartbreak Hotel. Teach You. All of them. I loved them all. She talked about how amazing we all are, and how much she loves us. She talked about mental health, and how important it is to take care of yourself, and to take care of those around you. She told us to let those we love and appreciate know we love and appreciate them. She interacted w/ us, and answered questions. She pointed out a fan w/ a rainbow flag. It was wonderful. It was magnificent. When the show ended, it felt like no time had passed, and I wanted it to go on forever! She came back out for the encore, and performed Magnetic Moon and Run For Your Life (again, I got it in full this time). And right as Run For Your Life ended, my camera died! Lol. I managed to get it back on to snap a few more picture, and then I put it away.

After the concert.

Once she had left the stage, and it was clear the show as over, Raven and I took some selfies, trying to get the stage behind us. And then staff told us they were closing off this section. So, I grabbed my coke from the floor, and we went back downstairs. We took a few more selfies, then tested Raven’s phone to see if we could order an uber, we could not b/c her phone wouldn’t come back on. So, we decided to use mine and order a lyft (b/c for some reason I had the lyft app already downloaded, even though I’d never used it before lol) We went outside, and it was freezing. We stood w/ the crowd by her tour bus for 20 minutes, while I tried to figure out the lyft app, and also hoping she would come out sooner rather than later..she didn’t come out before we left. But Raven was freezing, and our feet were killing us. So, we left to find one of the streets Lyft was telling us to go to. We found it, I ordered the lyft, and then we were on our way back to our hotel. (I texted my sister when we got in the lyft, and followed the route on both the lyft app, and google maps, for safety precautions) Once back at the hotel, I asked the front desk for some cutlery, so we could go up and eat our leftovers from dinner. Raven ate hers, but I only ate a few bites of mine, b/c it was cold and we didn’t have a microwave, lol. We went back down to the lobby in our pjs and bought powerades, lol. I made sure most of my stuff was packed, so the next morning wouldn’t be difficult, finished my powerade, brushed my teeth (and washed off my bb cream & lip gloss lol), had a bit of an issue when a very small cut started bleeding..but I dealt with it, it was fine. Lol. Then, we then watched some Holiday Baking competitions on the food network in bed, and then went to sleep. At least, she went to sleep, I was awake for longer than I wanted to be, b/c some of our neighbors were having a real good time, if you get what I mean. I also had a bit of a headache, which I assume was from the concert, b/c of the super loud music, and probably the crash from the adrenaline rush of the concert. I did eventually get some sleep though.

We did make one fatal mistake that night, part of the reason are feet were killing us at the concert is because..we wore the boots to dinner. We knew we were going to go back to the hotel after dinner, b/c we weren’t going to let my sister walk back alone, and we had things to get from the room, but we wore our boots anyway. So, our feet were already dead before we even left for the show.

Sunday November 17th 2019

Day after the concert.

I had set an alarm for 9:30a, so we woke up then. I actually set the alarm sound as Run For Your Life, b/c obviously. Lol. We got up, my feet were so sore, but so were my legs. I have a blister on one of my toes, lol. My sister texted saying to tell her when we were awake and ready to go. I told her we were awake, and we’d be ready soon. We got dressed and finished packing, I started drinking my coke from the night before (cause caffeine, also it surprisingly wasn’t flat! Lol). I took the shampoo & conditioner, and the lotion, b/c they were Rosemary Mint scented. Lol. I wore my Magnetic Moon Tour t-shirt, b/c of obvious reasons. I did not wear the boots, I probably won’t wear those boots for quite a while. Lol. We made sure we had everything all packed, and then we left the hotel at 10:30a.

We went back to the parking garage, and I was confused b/c I was looking for my sisters car, even though we came in my brothers. Lol.

Then, we went to a Japanese dollar store called Daiso, b/c we don’t have them here in Austin. It was so cool, and most things were $2. I ended up getting a cat fan, a purple erasable pen, a notebook, a pair of pink heart shaped glasses (like the ones from Taylor Swift’s You Need To Calm Down video, lol). I also bought some soda flavored hi-chews that are fizzy (Raven says they’re really good), some cookies & cream pejoys. A Meiji Black Chocolate bar. A Dars white chocolate bar, that Raven said was a brand she loved in Japan. White chocolate coated cookies that Raven also said she loved in Japan. And a Hokkaido cream pastry, b/c, again, Raven said she loved them in Japan, lol. She actually got a green tea one, and I tried it and it was good, lol.

After Daiso, we headed to McAlister’s Deli to have lunch with my aunt and her boyfriend. (B/c they live in Ft. Worth.) I had the Four Cheese grilled cheese (though I took off the swiss, so it was a 3 cheese, lol, I also axed the tomato lol) a bag of chips, and a coke. We hung out and talked for a little while. And then we had to head out, so we could get back to Austin before it was dark.

So, we left Dallas/Fort Worth, and headed home. We stopped for gas. We stopped at a rest stop. And our only other stop was at Starbucks, where I got a Toasted White Chocolate Mocha Frappuccino. We got back to Austin as the sun was setting. We dropped off Raven, right before the sun fully set. Then my sister and I drove home. When we got home, our mom was on the front porch (to smoke..b/c both of my parents still smoke), and so she opened the door for us, cause our hands were full, lol. Sister and I greeted all the cats, aside from Luna, who was still hiding. And gave them treats, but they didn’t eat them, lol. Then when my mom came inside, we showed her what we got at Daiso, and I showed her my merch. Luna eventually came out of hiding, and came straight over to me to say hello. I gave the cats treats again, and this time they wanted them. Lol. Then I ate half of my left-overs from Zenna (b/c I brought them all the way home lol). My sister & mom both seperatly ordered Panda Express through Uber Eats. Lol. My dad got home (he spends every Sunday over at his brother’s house for football lol). And, things were pretty normal for a Sunday night, lol. I was at my computer watching videos for a few hours, and scrolling Twitter. Occasionally going to talk to my mom. The cats have been doing their thing. And then I typed all this up, while eating the other half of my left-overs. Lol.

Overall it was an amazing weekend and I’m so happy I got to experience it with one of my best friends and my sister. I’m so happy I got to see Tiffany Young live. I think I’m still in shocked disbelief. Like, it feels like a dream. If not for my feet still being sore, and my merch, pictures, and videos, I probably would think it was a dream. Lol. It was the best weekend!

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loquaciousquark · 5 years

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Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E64 (May 28, 2019)

Another week, another adventure into the the wild and dangerous minds of BWF and his wacky sidekicks. I have to say, the quality of Critical Recap has increased dramatically since it first started. Awesome job, Dani! Tonight’s preroll is the celebration of the birthdays of Laura & Liam, which is today, May 28. For those who don’t know, this shared birthday is why they decided to create twins in the first campaign.

Tonight’s guests: Taliesin Jaffe & Matt Mercer.

Tonight’s announcements: Next Monday, June 3, the episode with Ashley Johnson of Between the Sheets will finally air at 7PM Pacific. Brian says she hates talking about herself, but he got her to open it up. They’re already filming season 3 of Between the Sheets, and that will drop monthly episodes once it begins airing. The My Little Pony oneshot, led by Mark Hulmes from High Rollers, will air this Friday night, May 31, at 7PM Pacific. Roger Craig Smith will be one of the special guest stars on that episode. Tales of Equestria will be loaded to YT on Sunday. Denver Pop Culture Con will be this coming weekend. Limited photo and autograph tickets are still available.

Episode 64: A Dangerous Chase

CR Stats: The phrase “end of the day” was used 11 times this episode. 5 things were invented: “don’t shoot the messenger,” “don’t beat a dead horse,” “par for the course,” the game of golf, and ravioli. Laura held Jester’s astonished look for 15 seconds. CR has now aired over 800 hours in total.

DMing for Colbert was surreal for Matt. It was a week one pipe dream for Matt, which means he was a little afraid it would be a letdown. As soon as they began talking about Stephen’s history, he started feeling more comfortable, but it wasn’t until he saw the first cut the next day where he realized how great it had been. He hopes it isn’t the last opportunity they have to play together. They managed to raise over $100,000 for Red Nose Day.

Caduceus is taking a Mary Poppins approach to talking to people as a way of teaching by example. He hopes people will realize that you don’t have to always use violence to get the information you want. Taliesin, on the other hand, realizes that will never happen. Matt talks about how much he really likes the the impact Caduceus has had on the game, and both Tal & Matt talk about the 3-4 day planning session they had on what high wisdom/low int looks like. “That’s rough, buddy.” “Ahh, that’s exactly what that looks like.”

The M9′s deception during Speak with Dead was a little better than Matt had anticipated, so he gave away a little more information than he’d originally intended. Tal talks about how this must have been something Clay watched happen many times growing up in a funeral home, seeing his family Speak with Dead in order to give peace to a grieving family. It’s an interesting juxtaposition of seeing something his family used a bunch of times growing up being used in a very different way now.

The Charis DC was just because it was a very very high DC--but not impossible. There are people in the world who know about it, but they wouldn’t have reason to cross paths with the M9. It would be like an archaeologist.

The stern Cad during the interrogation was partly an act, because he was trying to perform, but also because there’s a bit of Cad we haven’t seen yet. They all agree that in the cast of CR Ashley is the most actual zen. Everyone agrees Travis isn’t even in the running.

Cosplay of the Week: @graviteacosplay with this nifty Nott cosplay.

Matt was a little surprised they took a path just straight through the Barbed Fields instead of taking a more circuitous, safer route. He expected the rest of the group to protest and was more surprised when they didn’t. They talk a bit about Fjord as an agent of both order and chaos and about how he’s trying to find his place in the world.

The near-death experience has left Cad in a place where he’s not making the best decisions right now. He knows this is dangerous, but he knows they need to check it out, and since they’re “on a mission from God,” everything they do is right. “His risk assessment is a little off right now.” Matt is delighted remembering Sam’s face; BWF points out it’s rare we get one on Sam like that.

The Sorrowsworn are scary because they’re entirely based on emotion. To further develop them, Matt likes looking at their abilities and basing their movement in a horror-film way off that. He knew he would get Travis; he wasn’t expecting to get the rest of the table. “I was very proud.”

Tal has no idea how Cad will process these horror creatures. He wasn’t frightened or freaked out by the grotesque, but he wasn’t really prepared for it, and having Caleb go unconscious was a bit of a fright.

Brian mentions for probably the third time in this show that the next season of Blindspot will be the last one. I’m getting the feeling he’s very ready for it to be done.

When Matt was developing Xhorhas, he wanted to develop all these other societies without the ties to the dark gods. How would they develop with their clan ties? What about as people were assimilated into the clans? What tropes has he seen in other media that he needs to avoid? He talks about how when you build independent areas of your world, it’s a helpful thought experiment to imagine what would happen if they collided. He developed a lot of Xhorhas in pockets and then put it all together.

Tal asks Matt if he was surprised they’d picked up the dodeca. He wasn’t exactly surprised--he’d planned for pretty much all the outcomes of that particular early encounter. He’d meant it more as an exploration of the intro to the Xhorhas world and the Krynn dynasty.

Tal laughs about his very visible reaction to Laura’s Vex voice coming out of Jester this episode. It had nothing to do with his efforts at diplomacy later; he just realized he hadn’t been paying enough attention and had no idea what part of Jester this was supposed to be coming out of.

Fanart of the Week: Just a couple of bugs flyin around, by @_sunsetdragon.

In talking about Clay’s pranks on his siblings, he thinks at some point they at the very least took the bed of an errant sibling out while they were sleeping and put it in a tree overnight.

Matt talks about how if there’s nothing in the books that suits the monster he needs, he just creates one. Tal & Matt start talking about a monster he made for an old campaign called a Dragon Engine; it was designed to build a disease that turned all dragons in a world to crystal, which in turn slowly destabilized the world/planes. Matt took a Dollar Store doll head and covered it in Saran Wrap & hot glue with wings & tentacle bits in odd places. His inspiration was a fetus god boss from the Dark Stalker series. Tal remembers being so annoyed he made this amazing, horrifying creation out of four dollars’ worth of miscellanea. Matt talks about how you can do a lot of amazing things with a bit of hot glue (veins, paint, skinless surfaces).

Cad is aware that the the Xhorhouse is a stationary point in his quest; he is not measuring his quest via distance. He feels okay being stationary right now.

Dunamancy had nothing to do with Caleb; Matt had that inspiration on his own as he was developing the Krynn dynasty. It just ended up working very very well with Caleb’s backstory. He talks about how when he reads theories on Reddit about things linking up, 60-70% of them are actually complete coincidence.

Caduceus has zero interest in the war. At best he doesn’t really like the Empire, but Tal doesn’t think he has the intelligence to formulate a more complex opinion on the war. He has no stake in or understanding of the war in any deeper capacity.

Shakaste’s current location was made up on the spot. Everyone thinks about who Shakaste would main in Overwatch. Matt pulls out the McCree voice. Bastion’s short is Matt’s favorite. BWF loves Reinhardt’s. All three of them start talking about John Wick 3 which I HAVEN’T SEEN YET, GDI, if they spoil that I’m going to weep bitter tears of bitterness. Okay, good, we get out alive.

And we’re done and done! We linger on a shot of Matt & Tal trying to figure out why Episode #69 is funny... (nice).

#critical role #critical role spoilers #talks machina #talks machina spoilers #long post for ts

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stellaswallowedthemoon · 5 years

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A moment of being absolutely not humble but also overly so? Idk. I began a master's degree program this year. It's mentally fatiguing and very time consuming, but overall I haven't found it hard. I've gotten really good grades, have a 4.0 so far, and the majority of the time I attribute it to easygoing professors. I think "they must be giving everyone good grades" or "they're probably not even paying close attention, just checking the highlights" and a variety of other things. I've felt like I'm not being challenged enough, because I was certain there'd be no chance of coasting through grad school. I've never really felt that I was doing well or better than average, and I often feel like the work I submit is inadequate despite how hard I worked on it. I finally realized though that the grade section of my classes provides "score details" which include the class high score, low score, and mean score, and babe some of these lows are low. Which tells me I am actually killing it. And that is nice to know. Because I work my fucking ass off day in and day out, spend entire weekends at home doing school work. Last week, every day I came home and did school work from 7pm to midnight or 1am after working 7am to 5:30pm and Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, I did school work from 11am to 1am every day (because I had the regular work bit of it plus two midterms and a big project). So I did nothing but work the whole weekend and did not sleep enough. And I fucking slayed. Our midterms are open book/open note, most likely because the classes are online so they might as well allow it since we would probably do it anyway, and so I triple checked every answer I put down. And I got a 100 on both midterms. And the lowest score on one of them so far is 63.5. I just don't understand how someone got a 63.5 when you can use any notes you've taken and you can rewatch any lectures you need to. Like, how? Anyway, that's a bit judgemental. The point of this was to say wow, maybe I'm actually good at something? I consistently feel I'm underachieving. Maybe it is just my brain being unkind. Maybe I am in fact doing well. That's a comfort, although I'm sure i will inevitably fall back to believing I suck shortly. But now I can check the score details and maybe feel a bit better about myself (at someone else's expense, I suppose, which is a bit cruel but what can you do)....

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kookakie-blog · 5 years

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His Dove

PART TWO

Winry is an independent woman who recently got a job working for Mr. Kim’s designer car company as their secretary. She immediately has a bad encounter, and notices that Mr. Kim is a little too touchy. Winry also notices that Mr. Kim’s son, Junmyeon, isn’t fond of his father's actions. He suddenly becomes invested in protecting her innocence.

Winry’s POV

It’s been about a month since I’ve begun working under the Kims. Most of the work was easy and I got into a schedule. Monday we had meetings and Friday’s we had test drives. In between all I was tasked with was building schedules and delivering patents to their respective places. I would occasionally find myself typing up speeches and letters for both Mr.Kim and Junmyeon. Other than that I had a lot of time to myself.

It was almost the end of the day and I found myself with absolutely nothing to do. A lot of Mr.Kim’s Employees have already left. The only people left in the building besides myself was Junmyeon , Mr.Kim and Kyungsoo who I’ve come to learn was The Kims’ personal bodyguard. It suited him to say the least. All he did was watch and I’ll be the first to admit it’s creepy. Like now for instance. Ever since Junmyeon followed his father into his office Kyungsoo has been staring right at me.

I clear my throat as I shift in my seat and look at the time on my computer. 7pm time to go. I quickly shut my computer down and pack up my bag before heading towards the elevators. “Goodnight Kyungsoo.” All he does is give me a small smile and nod in my direction before I disappear around the corner. The elevator come fairly quickly and I step in and push the button for the bottom floor. I lean against the wall and close my eyes. Despite working here for so long I still think about that poor women everyday causing me to still tense up around Mr.Kim. My guard was up constantly and to say it was exhausting was an understatement.

My short period of rest was disrupted when someone stops the elevator doors before they close. I let out a loud gasp as I immediately open my eyes only to come face to face with Junmyeon. “Sorry Winry I didn’t mean to scare you.” He gives me a shy smile before joining me in the elevator. I expected Kyungsoo and Mr.Kim to be behind him but he was by himself. Junmyeon has never raised any red flags so I just settle back into my previous position as the elevator makes it way down to the first floor.

“Long day?” I just make a sound that remotely resembles yes before opening my eyes to look at a grinning Junmyeon. This was a rare occurrence. Junmyeon usually carried a very stoic look on his face and his presence was powerful to say the least. I definitely wouldn’t want to get on his bad side. We’ve been in the elevator together a few times and every time Junmyeon has a way to find out a little something about me. He could probably fill a whole file folder on me if he wanted to. Where I’m from, my favorite color, my first pet. Harmless questions. Until today.

“Tell me Winry why are you scared of my father?” I look at Junmyeon my guard completely up again. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I say as I look down at the ground. “Oh I think you do. I can see it everyday. In your behavior....your eyes.” Junmyeon tilts my chin up as he looks down at me. Just then the elevator dings and the doors slide open allowing me to make a run for it. “Goodnight Mr.Kim.” I quickly walk out of the elevator and towards the large glass doors.

Junmyeon’s POV

I sigh as Winry dashes out of the building. I wasn’t going to chase her. I just hoped that after all this time she’d be comfortable enough to talk to me. “Goodnight Mr.Kim.” I feel like we’ve taken a step backwards. I just wanted to know if he’s already gotten to her. I turned to head back upstairs only to see Winry had dropped her bag. I pick it up before dialing up Kyungsoo’s number.

“Junmyeon?”

“I need you to send me Winry’s address.”

“Why?”

“Just do it.”

I park in front of Winry’s apartment complex to see that my father had her housed not from us. I think of some not so pleasant reasons why as I head up to her floor but shake them away once the elevator stops. I make my way and pause at her door. Should I really be doing this? Before I change my mind I knock on her door and wait for an answer. “Can I help-Junmyeon?”

Her hair was slightly wet and she had on a big t shirt that went down to her knees. I look back up at her eyes and I feel something different towards her. No Junmyeon you can’t. “Ah you left your bag.” I show her the bag and her eyes seem to widen. “Oh I you didn’t have to bring it I could’ve got it tomorrow-“

“It was no problem Winry really.” Winry looks up at me cautiously before stepping aside. “Come in.” I give her a small smile before I step into her apartment. She was virtually unpacked. I set her bag on her kitchen counter as she enters the room. She grabs a cup and fills it with water before sitting it in front of me backing up until her back was against her sink,away from me. I cock my head at her before I come around the counter. This causes her to tense up confirming my suspicions. “Why are you scared of me Winry?”

Her eyes get wide before she just looks back down at the ground not saying a word. “Is it because of my father?” I watch as she hesitates before looking up at me. “Yes.”

“I can assure you I’m nothing like him.”

“You’re his son-“

“Blood means nothing to me. As far as I’m concerned he’s not my father at all.” This seems to surprise the girl in front of me but she finally uncrosses her arms. “Now on your first day you were tense around my father. Terrified. Why?” Just the mention of him and she was shaking. I soften my voice and close the gap between us as I place my hands on her shoulders, rubbing soothing circles into her skin as I look down at her. “I’ll protect you. I promise.”

“The night before I had gone in to set up my desk and I saw him with that women. Mei....All of her stuff was still set up at my desk the next day. She never came back for any of it... So I searched for her until I found the missing persons report her family filed...I don’t want to end up like her.. I don’t want to disappear.”

My heart breaks when her whole demeanor shatters. She was crying now as she tried to furiously wipe the tears away. It was all clear now. Why her apartment was still unpacked. She was thinking about leaving. I completely pull her into my arms now, placing my chin on her head. “Shhhh. I won’t let that happen. You’re under my protection now. Nothing can hurt you.” I just let her sob into my shirt as she clings onto me. At first I just didn’t want him to have her. To get what he wanted. Now it was more than that. I know her now. Her little quirks and her favorite movies. All those talks in the elevator. Junmyeon you really are stupid.

I continue to rub Winry’s back as she finally calms down. “You should go to bed. I’ll stay here tonight. Nothing's going to happen.” Winry nods as she pulls away wiping her remaining tears. “I’ll call my father in the morning and tell him I’ll need you to take notes while I’m in the design lab tomorrow. You won’t have to see him.”

“Junmyeon you don’t have to do all of this. I could just..” I knew what she was going to say as she looks around at the boxes that covered her apartment. “Call me selfish but I’d much rather you stay here with me.” I smirk when I see her try and hide her smile. “I can set up the guest room for you.” I offer her a small thank you as she heads off into what I assume was the guest room. Tomorrow I was having a meeting with all of the boys. Over the past month they’ve all gotten into trouble one way or another. I quite recently discovered Jongdae’s secret on accident might I add. It was quite comically in all honesty. But with each of us growing closer to other people the more urgent the need to cut ties with my father grew.

“All done.” I look up to see Winry standing in front of me. “Thank you.” I expect her to go to bed but I’m surprised when she wraps her arms around me burying her face into my neck. “Thank you Junmyeon.” I sigh as I wrap my arms around her again and deciding to pull her into my lap. “There’s not need to thank me.” We both just sit there for a few minutes before I feel her body relax against mine. I let out a small chuckle when I realize she fell asleep. “Alright love let’s get you to bed.”

I carry her into her room which was right across from the guest room and lay her on her bed. I tuck her in,?my hand pushing a piece of hair out of her face. I lean closer to her but I close my eyes and stop myself before I get too close. Don’t do it Junmyeon. I sigh before placing a kiss on her forehead. I quietly slip out of Winry’s room and into the guest room before closing the door.

I lean against it before I feel my phone buzz in my pocket. Kyungsoo: Your father told me to find any information I could on Winry. Personal information. He’ll make a move on her soon.

I clench my jaw before tossing my phone on the bed. I take my suit jacket off and toss it on the bed too. I pull my gun out from my waist band thankful that Winry didn’t notice it. I was probably overreacting but I didn’t want to take any chances. The guest room faced the front of the building so I grab a chair from the corner of the room and place it in front of the window and take a seat my gun placed on my thigh....

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jeanjauthor · 5 years

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On the subject of winter clothing and what types of fabric to wear...

I was reminded earlier of the joy I had of being one of the Special Guest Writers at Chattacon, the last weekend of January 2014. They flew me out to Chattanooga, Tennessee (big thrill, never been asked to be a special guest before!), and showed me around (the hotel is the former train station of the famous old song Chattanooga Choo-Choo; you could literally stay in a traincar revamped to be a hotel room, if you want!), and it was just a lovely site.

It was also an unusually cold weekend, with the temperature dipping down on Friday night to just 7F (almost -14C) at around 7pm.

I know, because I checked the weather for the area on my laptop after I’d dressed up for the opening ceremonies...and realized I didn’t exactly have something that could go over my outfit for the walk from the building my hotel room was in (I didn’t opt for a half-a-train-car room) across the parking area to the building where the ceremonies were taking place. But it wasn’t too far, and I used to ice skate, so I decided to just wrap up in my pallu and cross the parking lot anyway.

Wait, what...? “Jean...what’s a pallu??”

It’s the fancifully decorated tail end of the sari that gets thrown over your shoulder. Yes, I wore a sari. It was the fanciest thing I owned that was glamorous and feminine at the time. (I actually have like 14 or 17 saris, or something, I’ve lost count.)

Why a sari? Because a friend from the Gujarat state in India (basically, the westernmost corner of the diamond-shaped nation) gave me my first sari, and when I asked her if it was okay for me, a white gal, to wear a sari...and a fat one at that...she told me that sari is the one garment that flatters all figures, and makes all women look beautiful...so if I ever wanted to look beautiful, I should wear a sari. And then she taught me several variations on how to wear it and wrap it, how to shade myself against the heat of the sun and wrap up against the cold of winter, gave me a lecture on how it must never be stitched, and technically shouldn’t be pinned...but sometimes you just have to make it stick to the choli (the top, aka cropped shirt) so your arms can be free to do things, how to wrap it so you can wear it like trousers (it has to be extra wide and extra long), so on and so forth.

The sari I brought to Chattacon was a lovely cream and emerald green silk with high quality faux golden thread accents. And not fake silk, but genuine spit-from-a-mulberry-leaf-eating-caterpillar’s-mouth silk. I had on bike shorts under the sari (to keep my thighs from chafing) a short choli top in a similar shade of green, the sari, and sandals...because I didn’t realize my hotel room and the room where the welcoming ceremony would be would literally be across a frikkin’ cold parking lot. (My fault for not double-checking before I packed, lol.)

...But you know what? I wrapped the pallu around my shoulders and head...and I was fine. The silk was a medium-weight, very tightly woven, and protected me against the evening breeze. It also trapped the air heated by my own body close to my skin. So long as I held the pallu loosely (that’s the key part) around my head and shoulders, I got the insulation benefits of body-heated air.

If I had pulled the pallu up tight against my shoulders and head, however...I’d have felt very cold, because that would mean my body heat was being conducted right through the silk and into the outside air beyond, where my own movements whisked it out of self-heating range. But I knew better. I kept it loosely wrapped, and I astounded the other con attendees who asked me if I was cold, and I said I was not. (Remember, end of January, 7F / -14C degrees!)

Silk--real silk, especially when it’s been tightly woven--is actually a pretty good air barrier. It holds in the air your body heats up, and that is what helps to keep you warm, preventing loss of heat from convection or conduction. (It might also have some minor reflectivity/radiation/retention ability, but I don’t know, so I can’t say for sure.)

Depending upon your personal situation (weather, temperature, wind, precipitation, layering, duration of how long you’ll be out in the cold), silk can actually be a good part of a winter clothing system.

For me, I was literally just crossing a parking lot twice (to get there, then to return) and it was probably half a football field in length. I definitely would not have gone out in the sari if I’d had to walk half a mile (I’m not stupid) but for a short trip, it was fine.

Which brings me to a different point. Yes, silk can be quite good at trapping air, and air is what gives insulation its ability to, well, insulate. But when the temperature drpos below freezing...whatever keeps you warm is the most fashionable thing.

I want to repeat that:

The Most Fashionable Thing To Wear When It’s Freezing Out iS WHATEVER KEEPS YOU THE WARMEST.

So don’t necessarily repeat my trick with the sari. It’s possible, it can be done (and for me, I suppose it helped that I did go through puberty in a skimpy ice skating leotard/dress thing with nylons at most, so my body went into, “Oh, time to burn fat for exercising!” mode)...but don’t get hung up on looking “cute” when the weather pulls a polar vortex.

Focus on looking WARM when you’re suffering a polar vortex.

(Frostbite ain’t sexy.)

(Btw, that exact same silk sari was used the previous summer to keep me cool in 92F / 33C heat at a medieval event, by pulling the pallu up over my head and draping it loosely...because it separated the sunlight beating down on my body from the air underneath the shade of the fabric.)

(Also, cool fact: the sari is the only garment in all of recorded history (statuary, carvings, paintings, etc, count) that has been continuously in fashion for over 5,000 years. It has been continuously worn without pause for five thousand years, in one wrapped iteration or another, across the Indian subcontinent. So if you’re going to wear a sari, wear it with respect for all those five thousand years’ worth of history...and by all means, wear it to make yourself look gorgeous!)

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nathanieldorsky · 6 years

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Ben Sachs interviews Nathaniel Dorsky for the Chicago Reader

Preceding a show of the Arboretum Cycle at Northwestern’s Block Cinema, Evanston Illinois at 7pm Friday, September 28th, 2018, film critic Ben Sachs called Nathaniel on the phone and asked the following questions.

Ben Sachs: I'm not a religious person, but I often find spiritual experiences through art. For that reason, I admire your concept of devotional cinema - it speaks to the transcendent feelings I’ve had when engaging with meditative or ecstatic filmmaking. Could you discuss how you developed this concept over the years and how it informs your filmmaking? Nathaniel Dorsky: The name "devotional cinema" came from walking around the Art Institute of Chicago. I was showing films in Chicago some years ago, and I noticed in the museum that they called various works devotional works. Usually they were altarpieces of some kind. Like, they had this collection of Italian tavolas, these little triptychs that folded out - they were portable shrines that you could get during the Renaissance and carry under your arm. And these altarpieces were in themselves sublime and contemplative. If I were an artist at that time, that's what I would be making, probably.

Venice Triptych of the Virgin and Child with Scenes from the Life of Christ, 1310/30 | Italian, probably | Tempera on panel 63.5 x 92.7 cm (25 x 36 1/2 in.) | Art Institute of Chicago

Since the very beginning of my being involved in the American experimental film world in the early 60s, there was always some sense of [cinema] being like a church. There was this whole idea of wanting, on the Lower East Side, to find some church or old synagogue and turn it into a theater, with the screen being the altar. So that was all there, when I came into that world. . . . Also, when I was in my early 20s and smoked a lot of weed and watched and loved and respected the screen, I saw what different people could do with projectors and a screen to affect the spirit or the mind directly - not through narrative content, but through the actual kinesthetic qualities of cinema. The way [the concept] came about, I was asked to teach a semester-long course at UC Berkeley - the generic "Avant-garde 101" course that all the students would take even if they weren’t interested in film because it sounded like an easy course. I had never taught a semester - I had done an hour or two in somebody's classroom - and I began to prepare the class over the summer by walking around. I knew that Emerson - whose essays we all love and admire - had his notebooks, which had the stuff he'd write down daily and which would eventually develop into the essays that are so famous now. So I had a notebook and I just thought about things. And the basic structure of the class became the structure of the book. I think that course was called "Film in Search of a Language," because I said that the most interesting thing to me about experimental film was the search for an intrinsic film language. I wasn’t so interested in the "naughty" films or the extremist films. I was interested in ones that actually began to find some union between the essence of cinema and the ability to express something with that essence that wasn’t based on theater or poetry. . . . Later, I got a chance to give a lecture at Stanford, just in a classroom, and I gave a talked that condensed [my course] into an hour-and-a-half-long talk. I called it "Montage and the Human Spirit," because it was an editing class that I was speaking in front of. Then I was asked to give the keynote speech at this film and religion conference they were having at Princeton. I never really went to college - I mean, I went for a couple of semesters - so I didn’t really know what a keynote speaker was. But I warped that same lecture, and that time I called it devotional cinema, after those things I saw in Chicago. To go further into the relationship between montage and the human spirit, how do you go about editing a work like The Arboretum Cycle? The work, like many of your films, is soothing and meditative, but it doesn’t rely on long takes the way some experimental films do. How do you decide on the length of your shots and when you choose to cut from one shot to another? You see, I have actually been a meditation student, but I'm a sloppy meditator. I've studied with some very marvelous Tibetan teachers since the early ‘70s and . . . Well, to back up a little, I think duration in cinema is not necessarily contemplative. It gets labeled as contemplative because shots are held for long, but that isn't necessarily contemplative at all. That can just be sadistic at worst or, at best, it can be a pose of some sort. I also notice that [filmmakers] use duration in combination with montage, and I personally find that form to be not full-hearted. Because at a certain point you're just waiting for the cut. Then the cut happens finally, and you go, "Oh, now I’m going to be here for 20 minutes." For my own sense of timing, I'm limited on a practical level by the length of a Bolex [16-millimeter camera] wind, which is about 25 to 30 seconds. Of course, I could put a motor on my camera [to extend the length of the wind], but that’s not quite who I am. I like to wind up. So, first of all, there’s that built-in limitation. But, really, what it comes down to is holding a shot to the point where it ripens. Sometimes, in the montage, you want a shot to go a little bit beyond this point of ripening, because if the next shot has a lot of activity to it - say it’s a moving shot of some sort - you might want to hold it a little longer to build up just a little bit of anticipation. Then the release of energy into the next shot is alive and manifest. If you hold a shot for too long after it ripens, then it begins to create discursive thought on the viewer's part. If you’re going beyond the ripeness, the viewer thinks, "How long is this shot going to be?" And that isn’t contemplative. Cutting a film is very much like being a good lover or a good host. You offer something - not too much, not too little - and you’re aware of what's going on in [the viewer's] mind. Sometimes after a preview screening, I'll trim some shots by, like, four frames, because I realize [the film] is just starting to get self-conscious. I'm beginning to go from the present moment into a secondary analysis moment. So I like to try to cut before the mind begins to decay into self-consciousness. . . . The montage should come out of the inner necessities of the work itself. Film is often quite shallow, and in experimental film, the shallowness is often because the films are never responding to themselves. There's always an external hand or voice making the next move. So, in a way, the film never deepens; it's always in the same place. It should be a very organic response to reality, like when you know whether you’re full or hungry.

Can you give an example of when you were making The Arboretum Cycle and the work responded to itself? That happened all the time. The cycle started out as only the first film, Elohim. That’s what it was going to be. And after I sent Elohim off to the negative cutter, I went out to the garden again. It was three weeks later. [I shot Elohim] in early spring; now we were in full spring. I got inspired, and I shot Abaton. And then I finished that and sent that off the lab; now I thought it was going to be a two-part film. Then I said, "Oh no, there's still a bit of late, late spring and early summer. There’s this other kind of lightness." So I shot a coda, which I called Coda. Then I didn’t stop. I went for 12 months. It was not planned that way. So in that way, the whole work was a response to itself - it came spontaneously through the year. It just flowed out of me and through me. As for the editing within the films, there was no way I could have any idea about this movie. The only idea I had about the movie was that each section would be representative of the time of year [when it was shot]. And that wasn’t really an idea; it was what the garden was, or is. But within the cutting, I had no plan but to choose the first shot and then see what was interesting after that first shot, what kind of energy would be most elevating or enlightening or invigorating. Can you talk about the significance of these titles, Elohim and Abaton? First of all, you must realize that the titles are just titles. They have to have a name like your dog has to have a name, right? You don’t really question if your dog’s name is Bipsy. What does Bipsy mean? It’s Bipsy. So, on a certain level, they're handles, the titles. But they have to have some resonance for me. "Elohim" is Hebrew for "divine beings." It’s actually a pre-Judaic word. In the Hebrew Bible, in Genesis, God is referred to as Elohim, but Elohim is a plural, and this has driven religious scholars nuts. . . . I thought, the first film [depicts] early spring, which is kind of the awakening, looking around at the energy and so forth, and that’s how it became Elohim. Then the next film came along and I needed a title, and an abaton is a dormitory for sacred sleep in Greek healing centers. The most famous one was in Epidaurus, which I wrote about in Devotional Cinema. And the abaton was a safe place where you had this drug-induced sleep - maybe after some mushrooms and wine - and you cured yourself through dream revelation. So I just called [the film] Abaton. I couldn't defend the decision in court, though. You mention these drug-induced or heightened experiences. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was 20 years old, and around that time, I looked back on my adolescence and started to realize how the disease had manifested itself before I was aware that I had it. I realized that the beginning of spring would always trigger a manic phase in me - I think it had to do with the increased daylight. I would have this preternatural surge of energy. I understand. And did the greenery seem exquisite? Yes, very much so. I just want to interject - and then you can go on with your story, please - but there had been a drought in California for five years [before I shot The Arboretum Cycle]. It only rains in the winter here, and if it doesn't rain in the winter, it's terrible. Because there’s no snow pack. . . . So, it rained a lot starting in November, which is very early here. It just poured and poured. So that following spring released, like, five years of held-back energy. It was the most gorgeous spring. The earth was so alive, the plants . . . everything was going wild. And I got intoxicated by it, just drunk on how gorgeous the plant world was and the sky and the blowing clouds. Anyway, go on. What you're describing is exactly what I experienced every spring when I was a teenager. When the plants were starting to bloom and the sunlight was hitting them in such a way, it was like being intoxicated. I’ve taken medication for 15 years now, and so I haven’t experienced that mania in quite a while. In fact, I hadn’t even thought about it for years. But when I was watching The Arboretum Cycle the other day and I saw the shots you captured of sunlight intensifying on leaves and flowers, I was taken back immediately. I've got to say, it felt good to experience that euphoria within this safe context of art, rather than have it erupt unexpectedly within me. What I'd like to know is, how did you capture light changing ever so gradually? It must have been fortuitous. Let me tell what I was inspired by, and then I'll answer your question. San Francisco is often foggy, especially in the summertime. But where I live, near the Arboretum, which is not that far from the ocean . . . there are often days when the sun is dodging and ducking in and out of the fog. So things are getting lighter and darker all the time. I used to try to shoot that, because it’s such a phenomenon here. There are times in the film when [the light effects] are actual, but the other times I did them myself, with the aperture of the lens. I got very deeply into it, very in the zone, so I would feel when the breeze was beginning and when I wanted to open up the light. I became a plant, in short, and joined the other plants in the reverie of the light. Had you shot work in the San Francisco Arboretum before? Oh yes. I have many films that have images from there. It's in walking distance from my apartment. It's a lovely place to hang out - it's like a sanctuary. You feel safe there. Like, you can leave your camera on a tripod, walk 20 feet away and look at something and know that nobody's going to run off with it. It's a wonderful place to have a toke, you know. There are benches. . . . You can have the freedom to stand and stare at a plant for a few minutes without feeling strange or like you're outside of the social order. Was anyone else at the preview screening besides you? Just Block Cinema's programmer. So you had a private screening! That's great. You're very, very lucky. I've seen it myself in private screenings with, like, two or three people. That’s the best. There’s nothing better than that. I'm sure you also like it when the theater is full of people who want to see your work, right? My vanity does, of course. But in reality, I don't know if that's best for the audience. I think five people at a time would be best. That way, you don't have other people’s discursive rustling taking you out [of the film]. My films are very loved in New York, and we had three nights in a row of The Arboretum Cycle at the Anthology [Film Archives]; it was full every night. I wondered, "Are these New Yorkers going to want to see a whole film about a garden, flowers, leaves, and light?" But people were into it. It was quiet - you could tell it was happening. I was very fortunate with this film, because, in a way, the three graces came together on it: the grace of light, the grace of plants, and the grace of cinema. They all became sisters in union. This came out of years and years of experience of shooting with a Bolex. It was made by someone who’s been shooting with a Bolex for 50 years, although I kept it casual - I didn’t make it too pristine or too precise. I wanted a little sense of relaxation, as if you were actually seeing camera footage. So I left in flash frames and stuff, which I thought were duly expressive. I wanted to give the audience some of the pleasure of what it’s like to see camera footage transformed into sublime montage. Speaking of quiet, silence is an essential part of your films. . . . Well, it's cheap. Have you ever made films with a soundtrack? I made three sound films when I was 20, but then the group of filmmakers I hung out with in New York - we admired the silent filmmakers. We thought they were more serious. Not that there aren't great sound films, but we thought that a lot of time, the silent films had this rigor of speaking with the film. . . . You know, a sound film is a double-sense medium. It speaks to your ear and eye. And the ear and the eye together produce a more socialized reality. A sound film is like your social sense of yourself, whereas I think a silent film is like your more intimate, vulnerable, private sense of yourself. It seems extraordinary that with film you can actually share silence with someone else - and not in a passive way, but in an active way, where the silence is palpable. It’s an offer of tenderness and love to the audience.

link Chicago Reader

#Nathaniel Dorsky #Arboretum Cycle #interview #article #Ben Sachs #Block Cinema #chicago reader

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