#i am so gonna faint after my vaccine | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

stevesharrlngtons · 3 years

Note

this one might be too much but 😩 mutual pining between reader & Roman and it’s a formal event and someone is pissing him off and then reader comes in all dressed up and cute like “you said you would be nice ro 🙄” because theyre the date! and then he goes soft idk JKDFNF and people are like 😳 because they’re so cute together 😔

hi! i love this idea, and i hope you don’t mind if i tweak it a lil (-: enjoy!

so here’s the thing

roman is always looking for an angle

he loves a grift and a scheme and a plan

he’s always looking for a way to work smarter, not harder

and luckily, he has you to go along with them

since junior high, you had been roman’s accomplice, sometimes willingly and sometimes reluctantly

he had this annoying knack for knowing each and every one of your buttons and just how to push them to get his way and rope you into a plan of his

and of course, just fucking of course, that’s what he did this time

because you were incredibly skeptical about being set up on a date with some slimy businessman roman was trying to shmooze

in hopes of you becoming the man’s earworm for the night and getting him to invest millions in a new vaccine that the white tower was developing

“you know actual models, roman. i don’t know why you are asking me for this”

“because you are the only person i trust with this, and anything for that matter”

you were sat on his couch in his living room while roman stood above you, giving you his best pout which he knew you couldn’t resist

“you could ask letha”

“i don’t want letha, i want you” in more ways that one, he thought

“you could ask destiny, maybe she could cast a spell or read his palm to help you out,” you crossed your arms

you really didn’t want to do this, even for roman

was it because you didn’t want to go on a date with a notorious creep? yes, of course

was it also because you didn’t want to date anyone but the man who stood in front of you, who also happened to have friendzoned you at the age of fifteen? yeah, that too

but it was mostly the gross old man thing

“i don’t want models, i don’t want letha, i don’t want destiny or any little trick she can pull. i want you there, with your cunning little mind and pretty little face,” roman dropped to his knees and jutted out his bottom lip in mock sadness, “don’t make me beg, baby”

and fuck, there was that little nickname that made your stomach flip and your heart race and you can barely keep the blush from your cheeks as you reluctantly agree

and so, the plan was set

next week you were to meet with mr. daniel reynolds, a sixty something medical investor who knew more hookers than manners and wouldn’t take his hand off your ass since the moment he saw you

in which his first words were “damn! godfrey is really pulling out all the stops for me, huh?” as he gazed at you with a smarmy expression

while your skin crawled at the gesture and you had to fake giggle to cover the retch your stomach gave, you did know he was right

you looked fucking hot and it was all on roman’s dime

a contingency for you agreeing to this night was getting to take his credit card for the afternoon to buy whatever you needed for the date, price be damned

daniel picked you up in a brand new aston martin, his hand high on your thigh as he blathered on about... something, you didn’t know or care

and neither did he, truly

you were there for his to grope and stare at, he didn’t care about what you had to say

when you got to the event, all eyes were on you

you swore that people stopped their conversations to stare at you and daniel, but you didn’t know if that was just anxiety or if was true until he whispered in your ear gross

“no one can take their eyes off you, gorgeous. feels good to know you’re all mine”

and before you could reply with your now perfected canned girlish giggle, roman approached quickly

“daniel, i see you could make it.”

and immediately, just from hearing his voice, you knew this whole plan was a bust

because roman was pissed, and he was barley containing his anger

upon turning to see his face, your suspicion was proven

roman was standing to his full height, hackles raised, predatory eyes set on daniel in a straining stare, his lips pressed in a thin line as his jaw was clenched

“roman, great to see you,” daniel slaps roman on the should to which roman didn’t budge, “you already have a leg up on this investment after you sent me this peace offering,”

he patted your ass in recognition as he appreciated your body with his eyes once more

“i don’t know where you found her, but tell ‘em i don’t know if i wanna give her back!”

you just looked straight ahead at roman with a fixed smile and a look in your eyes that said i swear to god, you owe me big

“yeah, well,” roman’s voice is wound tight as he closes his eyes and takes a swift step closer to daniel, “the thing is, i’ve decided to rescind my offer. both business and personal. you don’t get to invest and you don’t get to keep her.”

“what?” daniel said, at the same time that exact thought crossed your mind

“yep,” roman popped the word from his mouth, spit coming to splatter on reynolds skin, “i don’t need your money, i don’t need you. no one does, except maybe a nursing home or an erectile dysfunction seminar”

“you little prick! who the fuck do you think you are?”

“i’m roman fucking godfrey,” roman seethes through his teeth, “who the fuck are you?”

you stood in shock as you watched daniel do the same, before roman spoke again

“that’s what i thought. now, go stand with your nose to the wall and don’t fucking bother me again,”

and sure enough, daniel’s hand went limp and fell from your butt to his side and he turned robotically on his heel and walked at a simple pace to the nearest wall to place his nose against

roman watched with an intense anger the entire time to make sure he did what he was told

“hey -- what the fuck was that?” you whispered harshly under your breath

“i changed my mind,” he growled

“since when? you practically begged for me to do this plan with you just to ruin it the second he walked in?”

roman snapped his head to look at you with that same intense gaze as before

his body followed slowly, rotating beneath him like an owl

“i am allowed to change my mind whenever the fuck i want. and i decided i had changed my mind when i saw his filthy fucking arthritis fingers on you”

“that was the plan --”

“fuck the plan! fuck. it.”

you met his stare, doing your best to match his anger, but you couldn’t

because all you could think about was how roman had seen a man touching you and hated it

because all you could think about was how fucking sexy he looked when he was mad, when he was yelling at someone and coming out on top

all you could think about was how much you wanted to beg him to touch you and kiss you and wash away daniel’s touch with his own

and roman, for his own part was thinking similar thoughts

because he really thought that this plan could work, that he could use his jealousy to his advantage, that he could harness it and use it to be a better businessman

that he could use another man as your date as a motivator to do his best to impress you and to do anything in his power to seal the deal because nothing was more motivating to roman than getting a business deal out of the way so he could have you all to himself again

but the second you walked in, looking like that, in that fucking dress, but with that fucking man? touching you? everything left roman’s mind

all he could think about was how much he wanted you, how much he needed you, how much he was the only person allowed to touch you

and how much he wanted to maim daniel reynolds, investment be damned

“i would have loved a little heads up on this. would have been nice to know you were gonna bail on the plan so i could have just blown you off,” you bit

“well, here’s your heads up for now on,” roman stepped closer, his lips only a breath away, “no more plans where any other human being touches you. no more plans where someone touches you like that, that isn’t me. no more plans where anyone thinks that you are theirs and not mine. get it?”

his voice palpated for much passion and authority your head began to spin

and your eyes widened, and your heart raced and your palms started to sweat

for a moment you swore you might faint

for another, you swore you are just going to kiss him something roman would have no objected

but all you did do was say:

“ok.”

and roman gave you a swift nod

“good. now let’s dance, i don’t want to talk business anymore. everyone here is fucking stupid and old.”

so, with his hand around your waist, roman led you to the expansive dance floor

for the rest of the night, roman’s hands help erase the memories of their predecessor. big and warm and possessive all over your body

and anytime someone looks at you for more than a passing glance, roman pulls you in tighter

he kisses your forehead and rubs his cheeks and nose to the sides of your face, like a cat marking its territory

showing everyone there what they all should fucking know

you. were. roman’s.

#roman godfrey x reader #roman godfrey imagine #stevesharrlngtonswrites

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madisonshoneybun · 3 years

Text

Vaccine

Can I just say that the lady who gave me my first dose of the vaccine a couple months back was a BITCH. If you know me irl you’d know I am TERRIFIED of needles. I used to scream and cry when I was a kid, then I had an accident when I was in high school and had to get a blood test, and literally almost fainted and had a really bad panic attack in the waiting room. Got my blood tested again a few years later and had another panic attack. Long story short, I hate needles.

so I go to get my vaccine with my twin and they separate us, mind you we both have horrible anxiety and neither of us had the courage to speak up. I get this old white lady. She asks me normal questions they ask you there and I’m answering them perfectly, but the whole thing I’m shaking and bouncing my leg a lot. I’m breathing a bit heavy, my hands are sweaty, I’m rubbing my chest a bit in hopes it’ll help ease my racing heart. And she ignores me. Then she put the vaccine in the needle, faces me and finally decides to say something about it. “Hun, if you don’t relax your gonna pass out. Just relax.” Easier said then done. I nod my head, and tell her to please just do it, so we can get it over with but she continues to tell me over and over again to “just relax, why aren’t you relaxing? It’s gonna hurt really bad if you don’t relax because you might make me mess up” which obviously does not help make me feel relaxed. Then she just sighs loudly, pricks me with the needle and it FUCKING HURT. I felt like she fucking stabbed me. Then it was over she was like “See it wasn’t a big deal, I don’t see why you were freaking out.” But then she doesn’t let me leave and is very adamite that if I were to leave I’d just pass out instantly. But if she knew how to read someone's body language, she’d see I was doing a look better, I was still trembling a bit but other than that I wasn’t bouncing my leg, the sweating stopped and I was having a much easier time breathing. But she refused to let me leave, finally pretending to care, “I don’t think you should get up, your gonna pass our because you wouldn’t just relax.” Again, I have anxiety so I didn’t have the courage to say anything. But eventually she let me leave and told me next time to, “be less nervous” like I can control that?

But happy ending, when I got the next dose, the lady I got was this nice younger black woman, who noticed my nerves, acknowledged my fears, told me everything that was going to happen, and even went a lot slower as to not hurt me. Then when I was done, she got really excited and told me how brave I was, happily gave me a sticker and sent me on my way. It was nice, and it was weird because the first does hit me really hard, but the second dose didn’t hit at all. It was like the change it attitude and fear affected how I was going to feel after.

#vaccine #covid #covid_19 #covid vaccine #story time #phizer

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ninja-go-to-therapy · 4 years

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The Ninja as Things My Friends and I Have Said

My friend keeps a quote-book and I thought y’all would enjoy this lol

Jay: say your last words to me, I’m about to be smited

Jay: I am so bright, I am star

Kai: Pickles and Dick Jay: Pickle my dick? Kai: PICKLE AND DICK! Lloyd: TICKLE MY DICK?

Kai: I want to play hot potato with a hand grenade

Lloyd: this chocolate milk mocks me

Kai: Can we all agree that when Jay walks he looks like a flamboyant gay drag-queen toddler

Lloyd, looking at a tampon: is that a cheese stick?

Kai: Where you at you little hoe?

Cole: Don’t do gay it’s not healthy

Jay: I live life as a pirate. Because a pirate is free

Jay: The sun's only up for half the year in Alaska Cole: We have that too. It's called nighttime

Morro: Lick his nuts, they have a sorta Mexican flavor

Kai: I need to be surrounded with seven beautiful naked women in order to sleep at night

Lloyd: You know how there's like a line between bravery and stupidity? Nya: Jay is that line

Jay: Disclaimer: I am an anxious bean

Wu: It’s not your fault but it is your problem

Cole: I can't keep a straight face anymore. It's gay now.

Lloyd: That was such a late reaction it could've been my dad coming back

Zane: DISCO PENIS

Kai: I wanna stand around and look GORGEOUS

Kai: I'm outrageously good-looking Zane: No you’re not

Lloyd: I admit when I'm wrong! Kai: Oh yeah. But I'm like never wrong!

All of the ninja, always: It would be so much fun to hurt a bad person

Zane: what state do I live in? Jay: depression

Kai: cool onesie... can I get inside it?

Lloyd: They call me Santa. I bring snow to the children.

Kai: Don't fucking giggle you little shit.

Nya: I will beat you with a meat stick

Cole: You moan more than the dumpster out back

Wu: Don't stick the plungers on your foreheads!

Garmadon: whY are you SMelLING the plungers?

Zane: How does one piss in a watermelon?

Lloyd: When I become 99 pounds I'm going to eat a pound of chicken nuggets so I can be 1% chicken nugget. It's indisputable.

Cole: It smells like SHIT. Like it smells kinda okay now, but it still smells like shit. So it's like. Perfumeshit

Jay: Your socks are untied

Lloyd: Morro can just molest himself

Jay: Can you please not get a fucking locker smaller than my self esteem

Zane: You be smellin your own shit soon Jay: I already do Zane: Get it? Cause your mom gay. Everyone: ...what?

Lloyd: My name's Lloyd and I wear shoes sometimes

Nya: Unlike Skylor, they actually like balls

Kai: Fuck fuck fucking fuck fucking fucktown

Jay. I’m about to go commit space heater in bathtub

Kai: Vaccines make you gay

Lloyd: It’s not because I’m Asian, its because I eat rice so much

Zane: Hi. I’m Zane. ... my dick fell off

Kai, to Lloyd: Your dad is my fuckbuddy. ... wait. Shit.

Lloyd: You didn’t miss. You hit me right in the fucking nipple.

Kai: Eat my dick

Nya. Bite off your own dick

Cole: Your face looks like you're trying to make your dick fall off

Lloyd: So we were sitting watching TV eating macaroni with a fruit roll-up soaking my feet in a trashcan

Jay: I’m gonna go commit visit Pompeii in time machine

Jay: How can spiders fall from the ceiling and just skrrrrt away

Kai: Because none of us can speak proper sentences

Kai: Hold on. I'm sending a meme. I can't fight.

Jay: Engulf your own dick

Jay: Please don’t have a Boston tea party in my back yard

Kai: Still it felt like I committed a minor crime in Iran with all the water in my nose

Jay: Sensei Wu, please throw scissors... I kinda wanna die

Kai: I got royally fucked

Jay: Get your meaty luscious legs

Jay: The fuck you mean take my pants off? They're always on! Cause no one wants me to take them off!

Lloyd, picking up a napkin and seeing food fall out: IT’S BIRTHING

Zane, threateningly: Give me your kidneys

The Overlord: Where is your technology stored?

Zane: I can balance my body on my boner and spin like a beyblade

Kai: My balls are not a muscle

Cole: So apparently I'm not the only one with asymmetrical balls. Lloyd: Wait actually? Cole: Well yesterday Kai gave us a very descriptive description of his balls

Zane, sarcastically: Gosh darn don’t you hate it when you're not allowed to bring your 5 dollar footlong subway to training

Lloyd: So he poked me in the back with a pencil and my third grade self was like, "BLASPHEMY"

Kai: You.... dickmuncher

Jay: We're playing infinity Life. It's like Life but the cars are infinity stones.

Kai: I could have divine gay sex and it would still be nohomo.

Cole, during some super serious training: Bake me into a pie daddy

Kai: a compliment sandwich, like this: I like your shoes, YOU SUCK, your eyes are pretty

Zane, to Lloyd: Don't KILL her! Too much paperwork!

Jay: Stop moving your butt. It's uncomfortable when you clench it

Cole: The STICK.. will be UP YOU! Kai: My ASS is your spot!

Jay, teaching Kai to roller skate: First, we master walking

Kai: I know I’m beautiful and perfect and amazing and huMBLE

Lloyd: I'm here for a good time, not a long time.

Cole: I'm allergic to emotions!

Zane: Yeet is not a valid Scrabble word

Kai: I love myself 3000. And you should, too. Love yourself, that is. Unless you wanna love me as well, cause that’s cool too.

Zane: Is doing drugs illegal

Lloyd: Post-traumatic stress? More like spicy memories

Jay: Be quiet so I can see

Cole: Why is my wallaber grinding its ass on the floor?

Kai: Whatever, my ass cheeks are balanced ... just as all things should be

Garmadon: IT WOULD BE SO MUCH FUN TO MAKE SOMEBODY THINK YOU WERE GONNA HIT THEM WITH YOUR CAR!

Sensei Garmadon: First of all, nobody says they're fine when they're good

Lloyd, getting himself a donut: A chocolate frosted donut for a chocolate frosted child

Nya, about Harumi: I just loathed her at first sight. Like your dad!

Morro, about Lloyd: He reminds me of a cucumber.

Cole, after becoming human again: I’m like Jesus... I thirst

Lloyd, sipping apple juice out of a shot glass: I'm just... done, ya know

Jay: Zane was eating my popcorn and I was like "hey that's my popcorn!" And he looks me dead in the eye and goes "surprise communism!"

Lloyd: I consumed a spatula

Jay: I almost burned down my house making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich

Zane, after Jay climbs on his back: Unmount me you heathen.

Kai: Yeah it's been such a dick-licking long time

Karlof: In Metalonia we do not have sister, we have brother with pussy

Zane: I want to delete my meatsack

Little Lloyd: At about 10 I was so hungry so I went to the med tent and pretended to be fainting so I got crackers

Garmadon: Before we leave I'm gonna sing a Disney song to attract all the females. Especially Misako

Jay, about to get sunburned: I know right, sunscreen is gross, you look like a glazed donut after you put it on

Cole: I like nuts but not that much. ... both kinds... I like my own nuts.

Zane: Hi I’m Zane and I’m the only one in this group with any form of common sense

Lloyd: Oh there's just someone throwing up over there! Kai: That’s hot

Cole, having a cashew thrown at him: I don’t want to swallow your nut ... I DON’T WANT YOUR NUT

Lloyd: My uncle is going to sacrifice my body

Kai: Okay. You ALL can eat MY ass

Lloyd: A picture will last longer than your family will

Garmadon: That last rep was like a hydroflask and this one was like a kleankanteen

Kai: I bet for a second he was like "oh my God they care about me"

Kai: Because no one would be ballsy enough, no pun intended, to whip his dick out and piss on a crowded bus

Jay: Fuck a duck Lloyd: Please just dont ..ff... a duck Jay: But the duck likes it. It goes quackquackquackQUACKAFLACK.

Lloyd: Digiorno? More like I'm fucking hungry

Lloyd: My socks are so wet tis but a small price to pay for salvation

Kai: No means no muchacho

Dareth after failing at spinjitzu: Now I'm just dizzy and my ass hurts

Zane: I said, Cole, don’t orgasm in public, it’s rude, and Cole started moaning as loud as humanly possible

Lloyd: Say cheese! Kai: Whiskey!

Jay: Who the fucking dammit

Jay: Spongebob square-nuts

Jay: Actual- ACTUALLY it WOULDN’T make me more of a smartass because my SMART has yet to be caught up with my ASS

Lloyd: I hate it when my foot becomes the itch

Kai: STDs are like pokemon, you gotta catch em all

Kai: Here y’all are like "I like them 'cause of how they hold themselves and whatnot" and I’m just like “GIRL PRETTY"

Cole: I hate it whenever my foot becomes the gay.

Kai: I’m shit at being a person, not a shit person.

Zane: Buses turn me on

Jay: No pissing in our VSCO hangout!

Lloyd: Are y’all on high?

Kai: Its gotta warm up to start lavaing, now it’s just lamping.

Kai, crying: When I was crawling through the sewer my hair got stuck in my knee pit and ripped out a chunk

Lloyd, deepthroating a plastic recorder: I’m blonde so naturally, I'm good at this

Kai: I’m depressed. I’m stressed. But at least I’m well-dressed.

Lloyd: Nom nom milk carton

Cole, playing Life: Give me children

Jay, on a Thursday: If Friday was a Tuesday, it would be today

Kai: We're eating lotion and calling it spicy butter ... it’s spiritually spicy

Kai: I don’t fucking know! I'm not a cheese wheel!

Zane: Beepbeep bitch what's that? My lie detector smells a lie

Lloyd: I aced two tests today! The PSAT and the rice purity test!

Pixal: I don't really get the phrase "dry as bones" because your bones are in fact, wet

Cole: Kai, Kai, we can draw you as one of those anime girls. With humungous eyes. Actually no, it doesn't matter what the size of your eyes are. But your boobs are HUGE.

Lloyd: Jay wants to become the Alpha hoe

Cole: STOP TOUCHING MY HEAD AND SAYING IT FEELS GOOD

Jay: Deli sandwich equals cold hamburger

Lloyd: How was your day? Cole: Good. I have pie dough in my water bottle

Jay: If we do that we can reach our minimum requirement which is our goal

Kai: You can taste the freedom in that nacho cheese

Lloyd: I lust for the crust

Garmadon: You dirty-minded fools!

Anyone, to Skylor: You sucked the fire

Lloyd: OHMYGOD WE GET TO COLOR WITH CRAYONS!

Nya: Not to be lesbian or anything... but DAMN

Jay: No means no in Spanish

Kai: Bro saxophone is literally the sexiest instrument alive

Wu: The only wrong answers are the ones I don’t agree with

Kai: Look, why do you need to be a bottom to suck someone else's cock?

Cole: Jay, you suck Jay: More so than you do? Kai: Wait... wait you mean like you suck at the game or you’re better at sucking than he is?

Kai: WE CAN WANT YOU SEXUALLY TOO

Cole: That's not kinky, that's just abusive

Lloyd: CAN WE STOP USING THE TERM “BLONDE BITCH”

Cole: That’s not how you do it! Straddle me HO!

Kai: I didn’t mean to kick you in the coochie! Jay, I’m the distance: Be genital with her!

Cole: Yeah, also Jay tackled me and then grabbed me in between his legs and Kai jumped on top and Jay smacked his ass and I tried to record so Kai tried to smack my phone out of my hand and missed and his finger went right in my eye so I rolled over screaming and they got up and threw pebbles at me

Cole: It sounds naked! Music!

Kai, to anyone after they say Wu seems chill: He looks like a big soft squishy man but he is not

Zane: On average, in order to feel happy, you need to be touched, (pokes Jay) 8 times a day Kai raises two fingers on each hand: I’m about to make you ALL happy" *every person at the table in unison scoots away*

Zane: You looked like lord farquad but in a cute way!

Jay, after getting a pizza shoved at him. The pepperoni sanitized my facehole

Kai: I am the WITNESS! VICTIM! And I will play ... the e x e c u t i o n e r .

#ninjago #incorrect ninjago quotes #incorrect quotes #lmao #s: my friends #the most these were edited were like #the names #and like #'band practice' to 'training' or something #yes I'm aware my friends and I are all crackheads #also peep the shameless self promo

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tbr-agency · 4 years

Text

triple t. (too much tequila)

“What proof?”

summary ⟶ The girls were given one last practical exam, as a whole group, which is currently an on-going case to carry out their task, along with their sister unit, The Blossom Angels as a back-up for the first time.

timeline ⟶ February 2020

characters : The Bloody Roses, The Blossom Angels, Jay Park, H1GHER Music, 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐒𝐒𝐎𝐌 𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋𝐒

warnings ⟶ none.

“Am I the only one that is nervous?” questioned Haejin out loud as she looked towards her other members who were busy preparing themselves.

They could only look at her with a slight scoff and a small smile as they shook their heads.

“No, Haejin. I’m actually nervous ever since the senior officer gave us the reports,” answered Ahrin who was driving while glancing towards the rear-view mirror to see Haejin pouting.

Haejin couldn’t remember when was the last time that they were doing a mission. If she wasn’t wrong, the last time was when Got7 surprised them in their house.

The Bloody Roses couldn’t lie that they missed Got7 since they would always accompany the boys almost every day - as if it was like every routine even if it’s one day per week kind of basis.

What’s worse is that almost all of the Got7 members are in a committed relationship with each of their own bodyguards.

Ever since the day that The Bloody Roses girls step onto Virginia, it was as if they had limited time to update the Got7 members - but the girls tried their very best to give them a call or a message, an update regarding their well-being.

The same goes for the Got7 members.

It’s been 4 months since they went abroad to Virginia, to study at the same time helping the officers in the university to carry out their on-going missions by each one of the members attending internship.

Each of The Bloody Roses members gained so much knowledge and they were one step ahead from getting their official badge and licenses. Their last task was to be undercover in a club to catch a drug dealer.

What’s interesting is the owner of the club is none other than Jay Park.

“But why does Jay Park owns a club in L.A, U.S.?” questioned Nara as she was reading the reports.

“Because he has his company building in here too, that’s what Eunjae told me,” replied Eunhee as she was glancing at her watch.

“It’s time,” stated Eunhee as she looked towards Ahrin who gave a nod, as well as a smirk.

Hyunji smiled as she looked towards the dance floor, to see Haejin and Yeonji basically splitting up as they began their mission. It was the first time seeing Haejin stepping into the dance floor just for a mission.

During her old days, Haejin wouldn’t even glance towards the dance floor.

It’s probably thanks to Jaebeom oppa that made Haejin to slowly forget her trauma.

“Hello? Hyunji? Can you hear me? Tug your hair behind your right ear if you can hear me.” Nara’s voice suddenly appeared on her earpiece and Hyunji quickly followed her best friend's instruction.

Hyunji somehow felt uneasy; since it was Nara. They would only use the earpiece when something happened not according to their plans.

“Okay cool. Just saying, Eunhee and Chaeun caught the dealer. Just stay in your position till either Ahrin or Haejin gives us our next moves.” giggled Nara at the other end and Hyunji can’t help but to clench her jaw in annoyance and weirdly, in relief.

I’m gonna kick her ass after we graduated.

“I have never seen you before. Are you from Korea?”

Hyunji turned towards the voice to see an unfamiliar face that she couldn’t recognize.

“Yeah I am. I’m sure you’re from Korea too since it is obviously coming from your pronunciation,” answered Hyunji with a slight smirk, causing the guy to look taken aback.

“Woah... How did you know? Well.. I assume that you don’t know me, so let me introduce myself. My name is Lee Hwimin, and I’m in a duo group called GroovyRoom.”

Haejin looked around the room as she watched Eunhee and Chaeun apprehend the drug dealer. At the same time, her attention goes to the dance floor and for the first time, she smiled.

Haejin smiled.

The first thing that goes onto her mind was Jaebeom. Memories of her first coincidentally meeting Jaebeom in Deepshower’s club.

“Jb? What are you doing here?!”

“How about you? What are you doing here?”

“What are you— I’m doing my job of course!”

“If you are worried if people might see us, you don’t have to worry about that,”

If Haejin could compare herself, her old self was truly a tragic story and Haejin was planning to just live her life with her old memories but she didn’t know that what was waiting for her.

Haejin was truly grateful for Jaebeom. He made her open up her heart, her closed-off thoughts, and her closed-off feelings. But what made Haejin cherish Jaebeom more was what he said to her during one of her dates in his studio, back when he returned back from the world tour concert.

“We should visit Jaehwan. Since you’re going to Virginia for 5 months, I’m sure he misses you. Well, if you don’t have the time, we could go as soon as you return back home. I have some things to tell him and one of it is I’m thankful to him that he created a girl that has so much compassion and consideration for her family, her friends, the people that she surrounds herself with,”

Though there were misunderstandings between Jaebeom and herself, Haejin knew they could overcome it since both of them trust each other and they would always communicate whenever one is feeling upset.

Haejin could say that she has changed a lot in just a spent of 4 months in Virginia. Not just herself, the other girls too. They were more confident and somehow, they have become more gorgeous too.

To put it in Haejin’s words, The Bloody Roses are no more the bloodied roses, they were becoming into a blossom.

“Hayeo--

Haejin’s fast reflex made her to quickly grab the one that was about to hug Haejin behind her back, causing her to tightly grip onto the one’s wrist.

Haejin finally realized who it was as her eyes widen.

“J-Jay?” Haejin muttered as she stared at the one and only Jay Park, who was just a foot away from her that if anyone sees their position, they would think both of them were about to kiss.

Haejin quickly moves away from him, releasing the grip from his wrist.

“Hayeon-ah...” Jay mumbled drunkenly and Haejin tilted her head.

She finally realizes that the CEO of both H1GHER MUSIC and AOMG is drunk. It was obvious after seeing his reddening face.

“Jaebeom, I’m not Hayeon.”

“But you look just like her.”

“That’s because we’re cousins.” Haejin dead-panned as she shakes her head, immediately texting the other The Bloody Roses.

“Yah! Check if he is being drugged!” instructed Nara on her earpiece and Haejin quickly grabbed Jay’s redden cheeks, as she somehow checks his eyes. She heave a sigh of relief.

“Clear. He’s safe.” stated Haejin and before she could even took a step back, she was being engulfed by a tight hug from Jay, causing Haejin to shriek really loudly.

“Oh god! Hayeon is gonna kill me! Yah! Get off! You smell like tequila!” Haejin shrieked as she groan in annoyance, as she tried to push Jay away but he was too strong for his grip. The latter was mumbling nonsense that she couldn’t guessed.

Maybe because Haejin was too busy thinking and hoping that her cousin wouldn’t thing wrongly.

“Need help?”

Oh no.

Haejin knew whose voice it was as she quickly gulps in nervousness. She looked towards the voice to see Hayeon basically smirking while folding her arms.

“Hayeon, it’s not--

“I know, I got a call from Eunhee that you are screaming for help that Jay is suffocating you,” Hayeon cuts off the younger one.

With a strong grip, Hayeon managed to just single-handedly yank Jay away from Haejin.

“..And I heard you panicking just now so, no worries - and I trust you,” added Hayeon with a smile as she pats Haejin’s shoulder while trying to carry the drunk Jay by supporting him.

“Let me help you!” Haejin offered as she went to Jay’s opposite side. As she was helping to support Jay on her shoulder, Haejin didn’t realize that Hayeon was staring at her.

“It’s good to see you, by the way. We have a lot of catching up to do, Haejin. A lot of catching up.” said Hayeon with a warm smile as she looked at Haejin.

“Okay, everyone. Our job is done - almost. We are just waiting for The Blossom Angels and their team, well... mainly Eunjae and her team. I’m just going to check in the club to see the situation.” stated Eunhee through the walkie-talkie as she proceeded to go into the club.

They were supposed to catch the drug dealer without causing any scene - which is already been done. It was easy for The Bloody Roses as the girls manage to fight some of the drug dealer’s guards. They have been doing these for more than a year so it was done fast.

As she was doing her roundabout, there was a shriek coming from a group and Eunhee immediately went towards the group to already see Hyunji on the floor crouching beside the body.

“Is he dead?!” yelled Eunhee slightly towards Hyunji who was basically checking for the man’s pulse and she looked towards Eunhee.

“No. His pulse is still beating,” answered Hyunji as she began opening his eyelids slightly and Hyunji suddenly gasp.

Eunhee decided to see for herself by checking the man’s eyes and she immediately took out a vaccine from her pocket and immediately inject him.

The man is being drugged and Eunhee guessed that he drank the drugged tequila and as result, he fainted due to the drug. Ahrin told her it is fine for someone who consumes the drug but the consumer would suffer from a high fever if they didn’t get vaccinated as soon as they fainted.

“I should tell Hwimin about this,” mumbled Hyunji as she immediately took out her phone.

“Who’s Hwimin? You know this guy?” pointed Eunhee towards the man on the floor.

“He is Park Gyujeong, a member of GroovyRoom. His partner is Lee Hwimin. Both of them are under H1GHER Music.” explained Hyunji as she was already calling for back-ups.

At the same time, Eunhee decided to go near his face, checking for his breathing as she went near his face, directly at his nose to hear him peacefully breathing.

Eunhee can’t help but go towards his mouth for a sniff, for precautions.

Urgh, tequila.

In just a second, Gyujeong’s eyes immediately shot open as he tried to sit up, not know what is going to happen next.

His lips landed onto Eunhee.

“It was an incident, Eunhee. Stop worrying..”

“He kissed me, Ahrin! I’m as dead as a piece of bacon if Jinyoung finds out!” Eunhee exclaimed as she was messily rubbing her hair in annoyance. The thought of Jinyoung finding out could just make Eunhee insane.

She knew how possessive Jinyoung can become and it would somehow lead to an argument if things get heated.

“Well you didn’t kiss him back! You literally pushed him away! We saw it happen!” added Yeonji as she was watching the older one, walking back and forth on the pathway.

They were waiting for the others who were still on the job, the 3 of them are the only ones who finished their duties.

“We will back you up if anything happens, Eunhee-ah. Stop thinking about it,” advised Ahrin softly as she grabs her shoulder. Eunhee looked at the younger one with a worrying look.

“Besides, Jinyoung won’t find out unless someone wants to be a creep and took a picture of you.” shrugged Yeonji and Ahrin nodded in agreement.

Eunhee sighs as she rubs her face in exhaustion and worry.

“Good job, Eunhee. Thank you for saving Gyujeong for me.” A familiar voice said and Eunhee knew who it was as she went towards her for a hug.

“No worries, Eunjae.” mumbled Eunhee with a small smile. Eunjae raised her eyebrow as she scans Eunhee’s face.

“You look dead.”

“That’s because she is worrying about Jinyoung finding out that Gyujeong kissed her.” revealed Yeonji at the back and Eunjae tried her best not to laugh. Seeing her cousin’s reaction, Eunhee frowns.

“Yah! I’m actually freaking out! Can you imagine if Sik-K finds out his girlfriend was kissed by a guy?” exclaimed Eunhee and Eunjae rolled her eyes.

“Firstly, it won’t happen to me and lastly, it was an incident, Ahn Eunhee. I’m sure Jinyoung would understand,” explained Eunjae who was already folding her arms, seeing her panicked cousin.

“We tried to tell her that.” added Ahrin and Eunjae raised her eyebrow towards Eunhee.

“Okay, look. If somehow Jinyoung founds out or you tell him and he doesn’t believe, you can just contact me and I will show him the proof.” Eunjae made a deal, causing Eunhee to frown.

“What proof?” inquired Eunhee as she tilted her head.

“A proof,” answered Eunjae plainly with a smirk on her face.

Just then, the other members of The Bloody Roses as well as Hayeon of The Blossom Angels came out of the club, and that was the queue for the police officers to go into the club to escort the customers out for more investigations.

“Well, this is it. I have news from your senior officer. ‘Congratulations, The Bloody Roses. You have completed your internship and you have another month to go through the last few courses just for additional knowledge - then you will graduate’.” announced Eunjae as she read the message from her phone, causing The Bloody Roses members to groan and whine in frustration and tiredness.

“Great. We have another extra month!” yelled Haejin sarcastically, causing Eunjae and Haejin to giggle to see the other girls reaction.

masterlist : Got7 Bodyguard Au

#aomg #h1gher music #the blossom angels #collab #cross-over #khipkhop #khiphop #jay park imagines #jay park scenarios #aomg scenarios #aomg imagines #got7 bodyguard #the bloody roses

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merinnan · 4 years

Text

DMBJ Ep 5

We start episode 5 with the Xiaoge Rescue Count at 6 for Wu Xie, and 7 total.

- Pangzi just sitting there eating while they go to dig an evil bug out of A-Ning

- A-Ning is luckier than Pan Zi, though, having it in her leg rather than in her gut

- Should I consider this part of the Xiaoge Rescue Count? Technically he is saving A-Ning here, but does she count?

- Fuck it. There's now 3 Xiaoge Rescue Count categories: Wu Xie, the protagonists as a whole, and everyone

- So the count is now 6 for Wu Xie, 7 for the protagonists, and 8 for everyone

- That was a relatively painless bug removal. Probably helped that A-Ning was unconscious

- That's a large hole left in her thigh. Speaking from experience, standing & walking are not going to be fun for her for a LONG time.

- But this is a cdrama, so she'll be fine within an ep or two

- lol, I've never seen an unconscious person with this level of muscle control

- Wu Xie, you don't just wrap a bandage around a wound like that! Dress it first!

- But, again, it's a TV show, so a bandage will be fine

- JESUS CHRIST PANGZI

- LOL, yes, shhhh, Pangzi. Shhhh.

- Pan Zi's looking a lot better this ep

- ...what's wrong, Wu Xie?

- Aaaand he just passed out.

- Xiaoge actually looks mildly disturbed. I think this is the second most amount of emotion we've seen from him so far

- That looks like a nasty bite

- Oh, we're just gonna...feed him blood. That's what we're going.

- And it woke him up

- Okay, so Xiaoge Rescue Count is now 7 for Wu Xie, 8 for the protagonists, and 9 for everyone

- Fortunately, Xiaoge hasn't lost as much blood as he did last time he used it for magic rescue purposes. Last thing they'd want is a comatose Xiaoge down here

- Everyone is just so chill whenever Xiaoge does weird stuff, it's great

- Aaah, I was wondering how he'd been bitten, since I didn't remember a bug biting him. I forgot that A-Ning did

- That's some odd poison if it got into her saliva just because she had a bug in her leg

- GDI Pangzi

- Of course the cure is in the tomb, and of course Xiaoge knows about it

- LOL, there's a vaccine against the poison gas

- Oooh, I was wondering when the dudes in the trees were gonna make their move. Poor Wu Xie's friend. He really would have been safer in the tomb, huh

- Hahah, why are the bad guys treating Wu Xie like the leader when he's just a uni student?

- Ooh, who did that?

- Oh, Wu Xie's friend. Good boy. I mean, it was dumb, but brave. Now they can't use you against your friends.

- Poor Wu Xie is so woozy he's not sure what happened

- Yeah, figured it was some more of A-Ning's friends

- YOU LOSE CONTACT, & YOU LOSE CONTACT, & EVERYONE LOSES CONTACT! YAAAAY!

- Get out before nightfall. Isn't that what Xiaoge said, too?

- Yeah, abandoned in a forest at night doesn't sound like fun

- She should NOT be walking that well, although at least it is showing her limping and in pain instead of just okay

- God, Pangzi, that was a dick move

- And that was even more of one

- Wow. I...don't really like this Pangzi. Those things he just did were actively cruel, even if she is an antagonist

- It's blocked? Yeah, ya think?

- Oh, STFU Pangzi

- Pan Zi looking at him like "I really regret not shooting you properly when I had the chance"

- Xiaoge doing this "stab fingers STRAIGHT INTO MORTAR and remove the brick" trick again

- The look on Pangzi's face is pure gold

- Had to pause watching for a sec to think about why I'm so mad at this Pangzi and more forgiving of Liu Sang in Chongqi. I think it's because Liu Sang intended to pull a prank. A mean prank, but he lacked the experience to understand that it was actively harmful and dangerous. It went wrong, and then he freaked because of that lack of experience and didn't know what to do/say until Xiaoge pushed him. And then he tried to help make up for it. Whereas this Pangzi did things that he knew would cause real physical pain to A-Ning and potentially worsen her injury just because he doesn't like her, and he doesn't seem to care or even give that a second thought, let alone look like he's going to apologise or try to make up for it.

- OK, mini-rant over, back to the episode.

- Gratuitous Xiaoge side-profile pic just because

- And now Pangzi is gonna embarrass himself by trying & failing to be Xiaoge

- YEAH CHENGCHENG I WONDER HOW THEY KNOW YOUR NAMES

- Okay, I gotta stop to look up his name. I can't keep calling him Wu Xie's friend all the time

- High Shao. There we go

- High Shao is a good kid

- A-Ning's eyeroll at Pangzi is my entire mood with his antics right now

- Eyeroll from Wu Xie

- Can't see Pan Zi's face, but his whole posture is basically an eye roll

- Oh. Well. Huh. I did not expect Pangzi to actually manage to break the wall

- Judging by everyone's expressions, no-one else did, either

- Oooh, something bad must be coming, Xiaoge is going on guard

- Yep. Zombie dude is on his way

- Yes, send the woman with the serious leg injury to go crawling through a tiny cave tunnel first. Brilliant idea, Wu Xie

- OK, I should stop being so hard on bb!Wu Xie, this is his first time in a tomb after all

- Y'know, guys, I really think it would have been a better idea to let Pan Zi go before Pangzi, given that he's also injured and all. Get your most injured people to safety first.

- How the fuck is that zombie deflecting Xiaoge's sword with his HAND?!

- WHY IS IT MAKING TINGING NOISES AS IF IT'S METAL HITTING METAL?!

- Oh, NICE, Xiaoge!

- I am very disappointed that I could not get a good screencap of that awesome, smooth, and effortless slide he did through the tunnel

- Things I discovered when I went to YouTube to see if I could get a good screencap of it by slowing down the playback (which I can't do on Viki)

- the eps on YT and the eps on Viki are edited differently. I'm gonna have to watch this again on YT once I'm done with the Viki one

- At a guess, the YT ones have a bunch of stuff cut, because where I'm up to in ep 5 on Viki is in ep 4 on YT

- For instance, XIAOGE'S AWESOME SLIDE THROUGH THE TUNNEL JUST THEN is not in the YT one?!

- Wow, I'm going on a lot of tangents tonight. OK, back to the ep.

- Xiaoge holding the zombie at swordpoint until it gives up and backs away

- So these zombies have some intelligence

- ngl, though, if I was on my hands and knees in front of a hot guy holding a sword on me, backing away would be like the last thing I would be doing

- Why the fuck is there a giant, chained up tree deep in the middle of an underground tomb?

- And ivy all over the cave walls?

- WHERE ARE YOU GETTING SUNLIGHT FROM DOWN HERE?! HOW ARE YOU ALIVE?!

- I'm glad you're just as confused as I am, Pan Zi

- OK, some sunlight is getting in, since there are two bodies laying in a conveniently positioned sunbeam

- Sure, what the fuck are you gonna do to him, Pangzi? He's dead. He doesn't care.

- Unless he's another zombie who's gonna rise from the grave, but still don't think he cares

- Yes, Pangzi, tomb robbers don't end well

- Love Wu Xie's cute suspicious face

- Lucky grab there

- Oh, there you are, Sanshu

- Do all the tunnels in this place empty out at this tree?

- LOL, I love that Sanshu immediately doesn't take any of Pangzi's shit

- That was a bad place to faint

- Good thing Xiaoge is right there!

- Xiaoge Rescue Count: 8 for Wu Xie, 9 for the protagonists, 10 for everyone

- I love how often Wu Xie is the damsel in distress

- Don't worry, Sanshu, Xiaoge will definitely look after his future bf

- Looks like Pangzi is about to fall. Again

- Pangzi, if you had HELD ON to that vine, it wouldn't have been as bad

- Wait for him to realise he's laying between two corpses in 3, 2, 1...

- Uh...I hope they're just stuck to him and not actually sitting up under their own power

- These are remarkably well-preserved corpses

- THERE'S that realisation

- And there's the freakout

- They did get just get caught

- They're not gonna have kids, Pangzi, they're dead

- Pangzi, what are you doing? Leave the corpses alone now

- Wake them? I don't like the sound of that, Sanshu

- Also, how do you know that?

- Cute pingxie shots just because

- In her mouth?

- Oh, a key, thank goodness. I thought it was gonna be an evil bug

- Pangzi, stop appraising her necklace, didn't you say you're not a tomb robber?

- There's fucking what now?

- HOW?!

- THERE'S A WHAT IN HER ASS?!

- Hahah, well that certainly stopped Pangzi from checking out the valuables on her

- JFC

- That got Xiaoge's attention

- Oooh, he's noticed something in the tree

- Sorry not sorry for more gratuitous Xiaoge shots

- That's a pretty looking key

- ...and now her corpse is undergoing rapid decay? How the fuck was the key preventing the corpse from decaying?

- That explanation makes no logical sense, Sanshu

- Maybe that box the other corpse is holding, Wu Xie?

- Pangzi thought of that, too

- What were those flashes? Were those just for the viewer, or was one of the characters getting them?

- That seemed to be the unnaturally bright green-eyed man from the opening credits

- Leave the sword alone, Pangzi

- Although I do understand the desire to pick it up

- Uh...what

- No shadow is NEVER a good thing

- WTF?

- Sanshu, I never wanna play poker with you

- This doppelganger has done a damn good job of acting like Pangzi this whole time

- When did it replace him?

- Maybe it was the doppelganger who was so cruel to A-Ning? We'll see.

- That's a very solid ghost

- And that's kinda creepy

- Uh...isn't she already dead?

- Sanshu just going straight for the tackle

- Clever boy, Wu Xie

- Though, Xiaoge, where were you? Were you just gonna let Pangzi strangle Sanshu, or did you figure Sanshu had it handled?

- (he did not have it handled)

- (pretty sure if that had been Wu Xie you'd've jumped in the moment Pangzi's hands went around his throat, if not before)

- *sigh* Pangzi, pls

- The Green Eyed Fox?

- Was that the dude in the fox mask?

- Probably (also?) the opening credits guy

- How the fuck has it taken me 3 hours to get through half an ep?

- Oh yeah, I keep going off on tangents and pausing to take pretty screenshots of Xiaoge

- So we're doing fox demons, are we?

- Don't touch anything. Yeah, like that sword you had casually slung over your shoulder.

- Storytime!

- Suuure, Pangzi

- Xiaoge really seems to know everything

- Don't rattle it, Wu Xie

- Oh, that interested A-Ning

- I wonder if this is the thing that's supposed to cure Wu Xie

- Sanshu thinks it's a bad idea, but doesn't want anyone other than Wu Xie to know

- Or, more to the point, doesn't want Pangzi and A-Ning to know

- Good excuse, Wu Xie

- I wonder if Pangzi is still supposed to be a doppelganger, or if that was part of the hallucination

- Yeah, suuure you're not going to steal relics, Liu Tai

- Have they set up a new camp at the digsite, or did they take Chengcheng and High Shao back to their original camp?

- I think he does legit want A-Ning to be ok, though

- Looks like I was right, all the tunnels lead to the tree

- Which means I expect zombie guy to show up any minute

- Don't think A-Ning will be happy they kept what happened to her friend from her when that happens

- Xiaoge back into 'something is coming' mode

- Oh, how was that for timing? Less than a minute after I said it, zombie dude is on his way

- And it goes straight for Pangzi

- Maybe he knew Pangzi was a dick to his friend

- GDI A-Ning

- That's a strong zombie

- XIAOGEEEEEEE!

- Xiaoge Rescue Count: 8 for Wu Xie, 10 for the protagonists, 11 for everyone

- Yes, Pangzi, Xiaoge IS amazing

- lol, Pangzi making so much noise cheering for Xiaoge that he got the zombie's attention back

- Xiaoge Rescue Count: 8 for Wu Xie, 11 for the protagonists, 12 for everyone

- This is apparently the Xiaoge Rescues EVERYONE ep

- I'm not surprised you fell, A-Ning, with that wound

- That was a heavy fall. Ouch

- Come on, A-Ning, you seemed more level headed than this so far

- And the zombie knocks away the easier/closer target, Wu Xie, to target A-Ning

- Wonder if there's a reason for it, or just dramatics

- And then he stops trying to bite her to kick her away & go back to fighting Xiaoge?

- Those are some very nice moves from Xiaoge

- And now the zombie is...launching himself at Wu Xie and the others?

- Wu Xie being the hero and pushing everyone else out the way

- Pangzi to the rescue?

- No - A-Ning!

- Poor A-Ning

- Oh yeah, better pull Pangzi out the tree

- Zombie spitting up blood as he's dying

- No, Pangzi, he's not gonna be fine. A-Ning shot him like 4 or 5 times in the chest

- Aaah, zombie is lucid now

- Wu Xie ain't doing too good right now

- Those are some nasty bruises. Caused by the poison gas/blood, I'm guessing

- WTF made you think drinking the water in a tomb chamber was a good idea?

- Xiaoge's shown emotion a total of 3 times in 5 eps, and 2 of those have been worry for Wu Xie

- Whatcha looking for, Xiaoge?

- Huh, no-one even thought to look under there, just assumed the box was all that was interesting

- Kirin blood?!

- And how did A-Ning know what it was, esp from that distance?

- Pan Zi, you are like the second most badass person here next to Xiaoge

- Also, I am no longer feeling sorry for A-Ning

- You owe these people your life, A-Ning, and this is how you repay them?

- Xiaoge isn't too impressed. After all Pan Zi ain't Wu Xie

- Oh, that seems like a fair deal.

- I am pleased with the amount of Xiaoge in this ep

- Xiaoge Rescue Count: 9 for Wu Xie, 12 for the protagonists, 13 for everyone

- Not gonna count his offer to A-Ning as a rescue, since he didn't bother waiting to see if she'd accept before he went ahead and saved his future bf

- This is the softest I've seen him look all show

- Pan Zi is much nicer than I would have been. I would have probably punched her

- Then again, they've made a fuss a few times about treating her differently because she's a woman, ugh

- Hahah, Xiaoge just getting up and walking off without any explanation for poor Wu Xie

- Wu Xie seemed so concerned, like he thought he'd done something wrong

- Then all worried, aww

- Hahah, Xiaoge not even gonna wait for A-Ning, just gonna go find her guys all by himself

- Several *thousand*? No wonder Wu Xie's gagging

- Oh, eating super old kirin blood is what made Xiaoge's blood magical? Does that mean Wu Xie's blood is also magic now?

- Just Chengcheng in danger, Sanshu? What about High Shao?

- What about climbing the tree?

- XD XD XD

- Sanshu saying exactly what I just did

- There's sunlight already coming through, will you even need to dig a hole? That sunbeam on the corpses was pretty big

- Pan Zi like "of course I can climb all the way up there with a hole in my gut and several other injuries"

- Of course Wu Xie is gonna worry about A-Ning getting out as well. He wouldn't be Wu Xie if he didn't

- Wu Xie is such a nice boy

- Pan Zi is also pretty forgiving

- Pangzi, you just can't take people being sincere with you yet, can you?

- That's some depressed fatalism there

- Sanshu now doing his part to convince A-Ning by appealing to her sense of responsibility for her men

And there we go for ep 5! It only took me...5 hours for a 40 minute ep

We end with Xiaoge Rescue Count at 9 for Wu Xie, 12 for the protagonists, 13 for everyone

#alicia watches dmbj #dmbj #xiaoge rescue count #wu xie #zhang qiling #xiaoge #pingxie

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writingkeepsmewhole · 5 years

Text

The Outside

Here is the third part of The Cowboy and the girl. Yall have no idea how hard it is to find a gif for this. Dear people who makes gifs please make some for Joel. Please. Thank you. Sorry for the crappy ending I don’t know how to end these yet... Let me know what yall think of this. Alright on to the story.

Escaping from the quarantine zone Trish learns the true reason why they are smuggling Ellie her agreeing with Tess to take her all the way. (This is a longer on.)

Joel Miller x OC Trish

Warnings: Language, violence, that’s it I think.

Taglist Ask if you wanna be added: @amandamaesweetheart @jodiereedus22

Part 1 Part 2

After I was sure Joel was okay. His forearm wrapped up we started back down the basement we were in. Us easily walking threw the exposed pipes it dropping down in the sewer.

“This is a bad Idea.” I say following behind Joel Tess and Ellie behind me.

“What is?”

“Sewers.”

“Do you see any other way to go?” Joel asks looking at me over his shoulder.

I hold my hands up in surrender as we reach the end.

He huffs pushing the grate open letting us be truly out of the zone. No soldiers in sight.

When we walk thru Ellie sitting on an old log.

“Alright their gone.” Joel says looking around.

“Look- what was the plan?” Tess asks crouching down next to Ellie I turn to face them wanted to know my own self.

“Marlene… She said that the fireflies have their own little quarantine zone with doctors there still trying to find a cure.”

“Yeah we heard that before, huh Tess?” Joel says scowling.

“Joel…” I say wanting to hear what she has to say only earning a huff from him.

“And that..” Ellie says sighing.

“Whatever happened to me is the key to finding the vaccine.”

“Oh. Jesus.”

“It’s what she said.”

“Oh I’m sure she did.”

“Hey, fuck you man!” Ellie says standing up.

“I didn’t ask for this.”

“Me neither.” Joel says walking over to Tess.

“What the fuck are we doing here?”

“What if it’s true?” I ask making everyone look at me.

“I can’t, you can’t believe-” He says sighing.

“What if she’s right Joel?” Tess says.

“I mean we've come this far why not just finish this?”

Grabbing her shoulder he pulls her closer to me.

“Do I need to remind you both what is out there?”

“A few things come to mind.” I say him clenching his jaw.

Looking at him Tess turns to look at Ellie.

“I get it.” She says walking past us Ellie following her.

It didn’t take much to figure out she was talking about Joel losing his daughter and him not wanting to be around Ellie because of it.

He stands there as they walk off, I standing next to him. Bumping his shoulder with my own he looks down at me. Him a good head taller than me.

“Come on let's go save the world.”

He makes a pssf noise and rolls his eyes but I do catch the corner of his mouth slightly lift up before he walks away from me.

Smiling I follow after him holding the straps of my backpack a little more excited then I was only a moment ago.

“Come on it’s this way.” Tess says pointing up at the sign reading east 90. Telling us that the airport was that way.

With the bridge being collapsed we would have to take the long way but that wasn’t anything new. Any place not in a zone was forgotten.

I followed Joel as we walked threw the abandoned city.

“Holy moley I guess this is what these buildings look like up close.” Ellie says making me smile.

“Pretty tall huh?” I ask falling back to walk with her.

“There so damn tall!” She says looking around in amazement.

Laughing I nod my head. Hearing a faint groan my hand falls to my hip my pistol sitting there.

“What was that?” She asks me.

“Tess you hear that?” Joel calls Tess in front of him.

“Yeah. It sounded pretty far away though.” She says walking up a collapsed chunk of road.

“Are we safe?” Ellie asks me.

“Yeah we should be for now.” I say smiling at her.

“Come on.” Joel says picking up his pace us following him.

We don’t get far coming up to a huge sinkhole. The city falling in on itself.

“Damn. That’s quite a drop.” I say looking down into it.

“Well, there's the capitol building.” Joel says pointing off into the distant the only thing visible is the golden roof.

“Yeah. We need to find a way around this mess.” Tess says sighing.

“This was the downtown area?” Ellie asks looking over the drop.

“It was…” Tess says.

“Now it’s just a giant wasteland like every other city.” I say walking towards a building with its side ripped off.

“Come on this way.” I say climbing up into the count yard.

“Let’s go thru here.” Joel says walking into The Old Stone Building.

“Whatever you say.”

“Comin’.” Tess calls following us.

I open the first door I come to it full of empty shelving.

“Ooo snacks.” I say seeing an old candy bar laying on the table next to the door.

“You really gonna eat that?” Joel asks looking around the room finding some tape and scissors.

“You really gonna take old crusty tape?” I ask putting the candy bar in my bag.

“It might help us later.”

“So will my snacks.” I say sticking my tongue out at him and leaving the room.

“Joel.” I call seeing the dead soldier on the ground.

He was torn apart laying a pool of blood his guts pulled out and his throat slashed.

“He’s been ripped apart.” Tess says coming up behind me.

“Yeah…” Joel says sighing.

“It’s still-” I say poking the corpse with my foot the arm moving as I do it.

“Fresh.”

“Is that bad?” Ellie asks I nod.

“Can be, lets not stick around to find out.”

“Lets go this way.” Joel says going to walk up the steps.

I nod following him, him taking two at a time with his long legs.

“Another one, shit.” Tess says another body laying on the wall.

“Well this has to be a great sign.” I say crouching down. This one was less mangled so I didn’t feel grossed out digging into his pockets.

“What are you doing?” Ellie asks disgust in her voice.

“I am searching for supplies.” I say my fingers wrapping around bullets.

“Merry christmas.” I say holding them up to Joel.

He snorts but takes them from me.

“Don’t you feel I don’t know bad?”

“Why?” I ask checking the pockets on his pants.

“This is how you survive kid.” Tess says as I stand up bandages in hand.

“You’ll get used to it.” I say putting them away.

“Come enough chater.” Joel says walking up the next set of stairs.

I follow him only for him to stop at the top.

“God damn it. Clicker.” He says making me take the last few steps a dead clicker laying on the door.

“Eww.” I say the fungus growing out of its head and up the door.

“What’s wrong with its face?” Ellie asks stopping next to me as Joel pulls the body out of the way. The sound of it breaking away filling the air. It similar to dried dirt or rock breaking up. A brittle sound.

“That’s what years of infection will do to ya.” Tess says sighing.

“So what? Are they…blind?” Ellie says moving to take a closer look.

“Pretty much. They see using sound.” I say running my fingers threw my hair it still wet from the rain.

“Like bats?”

“Exactly.” I say winking at her.

“If you hear one clicking you gotta hide.” Tess says Joel trying to bust the door in.

It held closed by the fungus growing on it.

“That’s how they spot you.” She says just as he gets the door open.

“You did it.” I say walking past him and into the next room.

It not really a room half of it was broken off and missing. I freeze when a low groan is heard the floor seeming to shift under my feet.

“Whole building feels like it’s about to fall apart.” Joel says but doesn't stop.

“I’m gonna be mad if I die from a cave in.” I say following him as we crouch under a fallen self the ceiling laying on top of it.

“You have a way you want to go out instead?” Tess asks behind me.

“I’m working on it.” I say vaulting over a desk blocking the path.

Us in an old office the building groaning again.

“Totally cool. Everything is totally cool.” Ellie says taking a breath.

“Relax it would be a quick death.” I say

“That so didn’t help.”

“Give me a hand with this.” Joel says trying to get another door open.

I walk over to him and put my shoulder into the door us slamming into it making it open. Joel stumbling forward a bit after it dose.

“Joel!” Tess yells making my head snap to him as a clicker tackles him into the ground.

I gasp watching his wrestle with it, Tess quickly kicking it off and shooting it in the head.

I help Joel up him breathing hard my heart pounding.

“Thanks…” He says nodding at Tess.

“You alright?” Ellie asks standing in the doorway behind us.

“It’s nothin’.” He says looking at me my hand still on his arm.

“You sure?” I ask my body shaking with the adrenaline pumping through it.

“Yeah…” He says squeezing my hand and pulling away from me.

“Let’s search for supilise.” Tess says walking into the room across the hall. It an old break room going from the vending machine and fridge.

“Shit. That was intense!” Ellie says making me nod.

“Yeah you said it.” I say knowing Joel must be feeling more freaked out then us.

I look over at him checking the cabidents. As if he could fill my gaze he turns to face me. I smile at him and go to the vending machine.

“What are you doing?” Ellie asks walking up to me as I pick up a brick off the ground.

“Tip you would be surprised how many people don’t check these.” I say smashing the lock.

I open the door finding a few cans still sitting there.

“Who wants 20 year old drinks?” I ask picking one up.

“Those are probably syrup by now.” Tess says.

“Let's find out.” I crack the top and smile as liquid pours out when I tilt the can.

“I give you very flat pop.” I say taking a drink only to spit it back out.

“Never mind. It’s bad… Very bad.”

Tess and Ellie laugh as I throw the can to the side.

“I might die from that.” I say coughing from the bad taste.

“Here.” Joel says handing me a bottle of water.

“I found a few in the cabinet.”

“Well thank you.” I say taking it from him and taking a sip.

It a little plasticy but it was water.

“What about in here?” Ellie says pointing at a closed door.

Walking over to it I try it only to find it locked. Pulling the knife from my boot I jam it into the wood between the lock and twist it. The old wood giving a crack as it splits letting the door swing open.

“Tada.” I say Joel walking into it.

“Your welcome.” I say him touching the back of his head.

“You okay?”

“Fine.”

“You took a good knock on the head back there. Your not gonna pass out are you?”

“Trish, I’m fine.” He says clenching his jaw.

“Okay.” I say holding my hands up in surrender.

I help him look threw the room finding a few things. It was mostly office supplies but we did get a few rags and a bottle of booze hidden away.

“What are we gonna do with that?” Tess ask as I pick it up.

“It’ll clean a wound or help start a fire. I can also chuck it at your head if I need to.” I say waving her away her rolling her eyes.

It was no secret me and her wasn’t buddys. I acted too irresponsible for her and didn’t agree with her as much as Joel seemed to. Her and Joel have a different relationship then me and him. It making me wonder if she felt like she had to fight to be the strong independent woman. I never seen myself that way. I knew I had no one to live for so I wasn’t afraid of death until recently.

“You comin’?” Joel asks pulling me from my thoughts as he stands at the bottom of a ledge. The steps fallen down.

“Yeah sorry.” I say walking up to him and placing my food in his hand.

Grabbing the ledge I pull myself up as he practically throws me up on it.

“Alright cowboy your turn.” I say holding my arm down to him.

Tess and Ellie already up here with me.

He jumps up grabbing my forearm. I use my other hand grabbing his wrist and helping him pull himself up.

“Okay?” I ask when I get him to the top.

“Alright..” He says nodding.

I didn’t get to say anything else a high pitch growl going from the hallway.

“Clickers?” Ellie asks looking at us fear in her eyes.

“Oh shit. Go, go, go.” Joel says herding us into the nest room.

Us four crouching down behind the counter. I stay still and hold my breath as the infected clicks grow louder it right over our heads.

I watch Tess pick up a glass bottle and throw it into the corner of the room it shattering. With a screech the clicker runs towards the noise.

I follow her as we slowly crawl to the other side of the room, Joel chucking a brick to get the clicker to move to where we just was.

“That’s our way out.” Tess whispers making me almost have a heart attack at her talking at all.

I look at her, her pointing. Following the tip of her finger it aimed at the scaffolding at the end of the room.

I nod following her lead as I jump up onto it and over the other side. I let out a sigh of relief knowing that the clicker can’t get to us anyone.

“We got another one.” I say looking at the dead soldier slumped on the window.

“I’ll check him.” Joel says walking over to him.

“Ellie you okay?” Tess asks.

“Other then shiting my pants… I’m fine.” She says taking a breath.

“Yeah clickers suck.” I say Joel moving to the guardrail of the steps.

He easily vaults over it making me wonder what he is doing.

“Give me a second.” He says as if he could read my thoughts.

I look down at him watch him pull a filing cabinet out of the way.

“Who? Why?” I ask wanting to know why someone blocked the steps.

“There ya go ladies.” He says looking up at us.

“Come one.” Tess says jumping over the railing as well.

I follow her lead only to realize that we are trapped.

“The stairwells blocked.” Ellie says pointing at the cave in blocking our path.

“Nope.” I say look out the broken window seeing catwalks hanging there.

Walking over to it I climb over the side it swinging with my weight and the rain.

“Ahh this is crazy.” Tess says watching me.

“Just don’t look down.” I say winking as I slowly walk across it.

I listen to my own advice not wanting to know how high I was or how far I would fall if the twenty year old catwalk decided to break.

“Wha- Are you serious?” I hear Ellie asks as I slowly start to climb to the next one.

It below me making my stomach jump into my chest as I drop to it. I hold extremely still as it creaks and groans under my wight.

“Don’t fall… Don’t fall.” I sing to myself walking across it feeling Tess drop behind me.

“Don’t look down… Just don’t look down.” Ellie says when Joel makes the catwalk shift from landing on it.

“Your okay.” I say climbing onto the building threw another broken window.

“Alright…” Ellie says as I help her in then Tess.

“Oh boy…” Joel says climbing in and landing next to me.

“That another one of your ideas.” He says looking at me.

“We got a way through.” I say shrugging and smiling as I head down the steps the ones going up no longer there.

“Check this out.” Tess says guestering to the soldier on the ground. This one's face blown off. A bite on it’s shoulder.

“Ooo a gift for me.” I say picking up the gun I make a face when I realize it’s a revolver.

“More like for you.” I say holding it out to Joel.

“That’s a gun for a cowboy if Ive ever seen one.”

He rolls his eyes and takes it from me checking it over. Tess and Ellie walking into the next room.

“There a problem with revolvers?”

“You have to load them more often. I get nervous when I think I might run out of ammo.” I say shrugging.

Sighing he puts the gun in the waste of his jeans.

“Come on.” He mumbles going the way Tess went.

I follow him hearing voices.

“Runners.” Tess whispers.

“I’ll go check it out. You two stay with the girl.”

“I’ll go with you.” I say looking at him.

“No.”

“Yes. I can handle a few runners.”

“Fine. Try not to get yourself killed.” He says walking to the edge of the hall and dropping down into the next floor it a large room.

I crouch down and stay close to him pressing myself into a wall.

“I got two on the right and three on the left.” He says looking around the corner.

“Make the four on the left. Clicker.” I whisper pointing to it stumbling around.

“I got it.” He nods and starts to go left.

Rolling my eyes I go right slowly and quietly taking out the few runners I come across.

“Alright.. Come on down.” Joel calls out of breath from basing a runners head in.

“I’m impressed. Stealth isn’t normally your thing.” I say walking up to him.

“Pssh.” He says rolling his eyes and waking to the end of the room.

“Let’s just get out of here.” He says climbing up on the ledge leading to a doorway.

“Of course.” I say jumping up and taking his offered hand.

“That was fast.” Ellie says taking my hand.

“Thanks.” I say pulling her up doing the same with Tess.

“You two make quite a team.” She says bumping into my shoulder as she walks past.

Biting my tongue I walk up to the door it blocked by a very large filing cabinet.

Joel walks over to it and grabs it pulling it back with a groan since the title of the building was making the cabinet pull away from him.

“Alright Tess go.” He says groaning.

I quickly move over to him and help him hold it from sliding back in front of the door.

“That should so it.” Tess says her and Ellie pushing a copying machine in the doorway.

“Alright.” Joel says us both letting go it quickly sliding into the door. The machine keeping it from closing.

I climb over it into the next room taking a breath.

“See, we’re doing alright.” Tess says turning on her flashlight it now dark.

“Uh-huh.” Joel says doing the same.

“Could be worse.” I say tying my light to my backpack strap so I don’t have to hold it.

“How could this be worse?” Ellie asks me.

“We could be stumbling threw the dark.” I say smiling and walking to the bar in the room.

I give it a quick scan finding nothing but it was worth a shot.

We leave the room only to stop at the very long drop off.

“See we could have fallen into that without light.” I say looking down into the fallen rubble.

“Well down we go.” Tess says guestering to the ramp leading down from a chunk of wall.

“Let’s get to it.” Joel says slowly making his way down it.

“Watch your back.” He says dropping down and crawling under the thing we were just walking on.

We keep heading down carefully walking not knowing when the floor could collapse under us.

“You know I was thinking... when we get back we can take it easy for a while.” Tess says after a while of silence.

“You want to take it easy?” I ask looking at her my eyebrow cocked.

“Trish is right, don’t sound like you.” Joel says us stopping when we reach a body of water.

“Hey your the one always going on about laying low.” She says shimming threw the whole in the wall.

“And you always brush me off.” He says following her.

“Well I won’t this time.” She says shrugging.

“I’ll believe it when I see it.” I say knowing Tess is always thinking about the next job.

That not a bad thing just I didn’t see the point and working myself to death. Even more so now that death was always breathing down your neck.

I walk behind Tess and Joel as we weave threw the fallen building hoping one of them knows where we are going because I was so turned around I didn’t know where I was. I felt like I was walking thru a maze.

It ending when we drop down into and old abandoned subway station.

“Joel over here.” Tess says shining her light down on a body.

“Dead firefly?” I ask looking at the mark on his sleeve.

“Yep..” Joel says glancing at me then bending down to pick up the bottle on the ground.

“These guys aren't doing good in or out of the city.” He says holding up a molotov.

“Now that I didn’t expect.” I say him nodding.

“Lets hope there is someone alive to meet us at the drop off.” He says walking over to me and tucking the bottle in the net on the side of my backpack.

“Don’t let me blow up.”

“Don’t sweat it.” He says walking towards the steps another body.

I watch him pick up a map and look it over.

“They are from the quarantine zone.”

“I guess there not the guys to pay us.” I say Tess turning to face me.

“Pay us? Who said anything about you getting paid?”

“Don’t you two start.” Joel says walking away from us.

“None of us might not get paid. Come on.” He says crouching under a fallen callom.

He stops clicking noises explaining why.

“Over there. See em.” He says pointing at it.

“Shit.” Tess says quickly going to the knocked over vending machine.

“We’re almost out.” She says picking over it.

I sit crouched beside Joel, him kind out in the open but clickers were blind.

“Okay, Joel you take the lead. I’ll watch the rear.” She whispers looking at him.

“Got it.” He says nodding.

“Ellie, you stay right on his heels.” I say her nodding.

“Okay.”

“You stay sharp.” Tess says looking at me.

“You got it boss.” I say putting Ellie between me and Joel as we start sneaking thru the very dark subway station.

When we reach a dead end I look around for a way out seeing a latter on the ledge over us.

“Up there.” I whisper pointing to it.

“Alright, come on.” Joel says bracing himself.

I stand on his hand him holding me while I lower the later into Tess and Ellie’s hands. Climbing up it it opens up into a very far drop down.

“Here.” Joel says dropping down onto a semi truck. Tess and Ellie follow after him I peering over the side to see him holding his arms up.

Ignoring the butterflies in my stomach I let myself drop into his arms, him easily catching me.

“You good?” He asks looking at me his hands on my waist.

“Good.” I nod moving to jump down to the ground.

“Holy shit!” Ellie says letting out a breath.

“We actually made it.”

“Everyone okay?” Joel asks walking up the crumble street the sky gray from the sun start to rise.

“Yes.” Tess says ahead of him.

“Let's move.” She says climbing up on the road.

“You guys are pretty good at this stuff.” Ellie says making me smile at her.

“Thanks.”

“It’s called luck and it is gonna run out.” Joel says us walking into an alleyway.

“Ignore him he's always broody.” I say her smiling.

“Which way we going Tess?” He asks Tess standing still.

“Uhh..” She says looking around her.

“Capital building is this way.” She says pointing farther down the alley.

“How does she know?” Ellie asks me.

“She knows the city pretty well. We used to smuggle stuff all the time you get a good idea of it in your head.” I say us climbing on top of a semi and and dropping down on the other side.

“There here.” Tess says pointing at the garage door.

Joel grabs the chain and starts pulling on it us standing there. I tense up hearing a scream.

“Shh.” I say touching his shoulder.

“What? I don’t hear anything.” He says looking at me.

“Double time.” Tess says looking down the way we came.

“Oh. There coming.” Ellie says moving closer to me.

“I know.” Joel growls out the sounds of infected coming closer.

“Okay that's good.” I say going under the half open door and holding it open.

“Come on Joel.” I say him quickly coming under as well just as a group of runners reach us.

“Drop it!” He yells when he is in a woman trying to grab Joel’s leg.

I let go the door slamming into the ground. I back away from it them banging and screaming on the other side.

It only takes a moment for them to calm down letting me take a breath.

“Eh… You got something on your shoe.” Ellie says making me look at my feet then at the others when mine is fine. I watch Joel kick the arm and hand off it shoe.

“Gross.” I say wrinkling up my face.

“Your telling me.” Ellie says looking at me.

“Okay how do we get out of this place?” Joel asks making me realize we are trapped in a mechanic shop.

“Let's find out.”

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finnicksghost · 5 years

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Title: Spot-the-Difference

Prompt: In which Mayday Parker can’t tell the difference between two Peters.

AN: No get this, like Mamma Mia except you have 24235353 versions of your dad out there and 3843259353 spiderkins. I was sick the whole day and let me just entertain you.

It’s not an everyday occurrence to have 7 spider people in the room. But today was a lazy day, one in which they’ve all come over to Miles’ universe to hang out. This time, however, Peter’s brought in little Mayday for a visit after Peni’s gifted her, her very first goober. Stable enough for her.

“A box of bagels says she’ll head for Noirs,” Miles bets to Gwen. They watch as Peter leads Noir to the other end of the room.

Gwen rolls her eyes, “Not even gonna bet on it, have you seen Noir’s face?”

“Gwen’s right, Miles. There’s a lot more to Noir underneath that mask,” Peni comments gesturing towards a confused Noir with her wrench.

“Oh I definitely have seen more,” Ham adds.

“Not even gonna ask,” Miles says.

They all stare as Mayday sits innocently in the center of the living room. At the other side sits Peter and Noir who hasn’t taken off his mask yet.

“Take it off Noir!” Ham encourages.

“I don’t understand,” Noir says, confused and nervous. In the occasion, everyone would tease him about the little 1933 things but this one makes him nervous. He hasn’t been around kids a lot, much more his other version’s kid. Is she even vaccinated?

“Okay, here’s the deal, if she comes to you, ya get a free milkshake, on the house!” Peter says.

“Don’t you mean Aunt May’s house?” Miles asks.

“Shut up Miles,” Peter replies.

“And what on your end?” Noir asks, sweating profusely.

“I’ll have to deal with the fact that I’m still the better looking Peter between the two of us,” Peter says smugly.

The 4 spiders roll their eyes. Mayday merely smiles.

Noir takes a moment. He rarely takes off his mask so the bet doesn’t come off that easily. Mayday is a year old, he’s sure the child can recognize her own father. Much less someone who is in color.

So he takes off his mask, revealing a younger identical face to Peter’s. He can feel a faint blush on his pale cheeks if that was even possible, as everyone stares at him in awe.

Mayday Parker giggles loudly at both of them and immediately crawls towards them.

Not to everyone’s surprise, she goes to Noirs’ staring at him with those big brown eyes. Noir feels his heart clench. She’s so tiny.

“Dada!” she calls and holds out her two small arms.

They all laugh but Peter, who’s smugness has been eradicated by one big frown.

Noir picks up the small child as she wraps her small arms around his neck. He wonders if this must be what seeing colors are like. A bubble of joy. He hugs her back.

“So uh, about that milkshake,” he starts as Peter holds out his hands to take his daughter back.

“Yeah, yeah” he says, irritated, “Give me back my kid first,” Noir hands the little spider back to Peter.

He holds her up, staring at the same brown eyes before going, “Am I joke to you?”

#stfu cj #my writings #it's like mamma mia but you have 342352352 versions of your father out there #it's probably bad too but hey whatever #peter b parker #miles morales #mayday parker #gwen stacy #peni parker #peter benjamin parker #spidernoir #noir #peter porker #spiderham #spiderverse #into the spiderverse #spiderman #peter parker

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yoursbutnotyours · 3 years

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Illness and Anxiety 2

This is few months after my first post about Illness and Anxiety. I got much better right now and less anxious. But few things happens during this period of time:

After my first post, my anxiety wasn’t get better quickly. It took a little bit of time. Then I probably did something wrong with my neck, so it was stiff for a while. So, basically I couldn’t turn my neck to look above. I googled and tried some moves, some warm ups, and even trapped in watching chiropractic videos (but i dodn’t copy it for sure). I failed, my neck didn’t get better. Then my blessed mom took me to an acupunturist. She felt like she also need to fix something so we both went to the acupunturist. After we came there, the doctor had inserting about 5 needles when i began to feel like I was gonna faint. My vision turned black, a buzzing sound filled my ears and my head felt a huge pressure. I desperately asked him to remove the needles and he told me to do deep breathing while he removed all the needles. When the shock wass over, everything turned out well. Then, for a week I had a very disturbing difficulty of sleep. I kept awaken and couldn’t sleep well. I had it for a full week, and the 7th day was the worst, before I finally get my period and I could sleep much better (because I was tired for not sleeping well the whole week before).

That crazy week slowly turned to normal. I could sleep, I could eat, I wasn’t very tired and I decided to start working. I went to band rehearsal, I taught sing, I taught keyboard and piano, I just try to went back to my old routine. But it was not 100% back, I just did probably 50-60% of my previous activity. For the first 1-2 weeks after that crazy week after acupuncturist visit, i felt super good, super healthy, less anxious and less tired. But i did feel uneasy under the bright sun (maybe die to excessive UV exposure).

The next week I kinda felt little bit sicker. Mostly because I sometimes felt like I had to re-regulate my breath, like I wasn’t running out of breath but I had the urge to take deep and conscious breath. I had a really good sleep and after a good sleep I felt my breath was deeper and more relieved and overall better, However, anytime I thought about covid, anytime I read something about hypoxia or fatality rate, or whenever I didn’t feel like want to go out, the urge to take deep and conscious breath came back crippling on me. I also often felt like I was going to cough but it’s all because of my stomach acid was going nuts.

October and Early November were the best months, I feel more easy as most of my routine were back. Galih asked me to do so many things so I guess my mind was distracted all the time. Overjoy got a lot of things to do, included exhibitions and wedding. Those activities (actually) made my anxiety crawled back. I got nauseous, I got gassy stomach aches, but since I was focused on the tasks I had to do, I was able to ignore my anxiety. I got sick but I barely think about it, that’s probably what happens on me.

At this point, I realised that I got my anxiety when my tummy is full of gasses, or maybe its quantities are more than what my GI is used to. When the bloating is not so severe, I feel ok. But when the bloating is severe, I feel so anxious and panic and dreadful and so negative. I am now lactose intolerant, nuts intolerant and can’t eat too much garlic at one day.

That’s the whole update on my illness and anxiety. I really have no one to share this story, so I put it here. I don’t think Mom and Galih could understand this, but that’s completely okay. I wish the corona vaccine will be ready sooner. I wish that my city could handle the virus better, not just for political matters. I wish I don’t have to go to place that’s dense with human, especially careless human a.k.a human that is not wearing facemask and human that is not staying away from me.

#pandemic anxiety #health anxiety

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ihave-sinned · 7 years

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Love Bait | Chapter One: ENLISTMENT

Fandom: Shingeki No Kyojin/Attack On Titan (Anime) Type: Series Pairing: Levi x OC Word Count: 5784 Category: Fanfiction (Angst and Eventual Smut)

**Note: Some scenes/dialogues were originally from the manga/anime** **A/N: Sorry for the delay and sorry for any wrong spelling or grammar in advance.Please enjoy reading :) If you haven’t read the PROLOGUE it’s >>here<< **

“I never said that.They want me dead.But i never said i wanted to die,"

CHAPTER ONE: ENLISTMENT

Wall Sina | Year 847 | Mitras | 9:00 am

Placing my book on my lap,I stretched my arms out into the early morning,I always knew it would be a fine day when I couldn’t feel the temperature of the air.It’s summer.The hottest of all four seasons.I felt the gentle wind caressed my face as i opened the small window of the carriage and let my eyes wandered around my surrounding.The sun was already a friendly ball of yellow,promising more heat as the day progressed.Blue sky and white strips of cloud scattered up above,some are long strips,some are small but my favorite ones were those which has a weird formation,creating various beautiful shapes that will sometimes tickle my imagination. All in all i couldn’t have asked for a better weather.

Minutes passed by and i can no longer smell the sweet fragrance of freshly cut grass.The sound of birds chattering in the trees faded replaced with the faint sound of people talking,footsteps and the noise made by the objects being push,pull or drop can be heard inside the carriage I’m riding in.People scattered everywhere doing their own business. The once quite scenery was replaced by the noise of the lively and busy market place. My mind was fully occupied by the surrounding when I felt someone licked my hands.

"Hey,buddy,” I smiled,petting my dog’s head as he barked,his tail wagging.

He’s a gray German shepherd gift given to me by my mother on my fourteenth birthday, he’s pretty big compare to the average size of a dog,and he looks like a smaller version of wolf because of his color.I love exploring yet i am terrible at directions at the same time,so I get lost often,and Evo was trained for that.He was trained to be my guard and to be my guide.He’s always with me whenever I go outside,specially if I’m going to a place I’m not familiar with.

“Whoa!”I heard the coachman yelled.The horse halted with a neigh as i felt the carriage I’m riding in stopped.

I closed the book on my lap with a small thud before placing it beside me.I tucked a strand of my armpit length brown hair behind my ear as i stick my head out the window of the carriage,peeking outside.

“Lady,” said the girl beside me. “Please sit properly,” Her voice was soft yet stern.

My honey brown orbs met her green once as I put my head back inside the carriage.My eyes flickered with excitement,not paying attention to what she had said as i felt an electrifying feeling surge through my veins.

“Naya,are we already ‘here’? ”Naya’s lips pursed slightly,her eyebrows furrowed a bit as she stared at me,worry was visibly etched on her face.I saw small glint of fear crossed across her eyes and she let out a quite shaky sigh as if bracing herself to what will gonna happen.Her knuckles white,as she unconsciously clutched onto her long skirt before nodding.I brought my hands on top of her knuckles,giving it a gentle squeeze.

“Naya,Everything will be fine,so don’t be nervous,” I said giving her a reassuring smile, “Trust me,”

Naya stared at me for a moment before smiling slightly, giving me a small nod of agreement.I smiled once more before placing my book back inside my bag,clutching the handle tightly as i opened the door of the carriage.

“Let’s go then.” I said rather cheerfully as I looked at Evo and he started barking excitedly, “You too,buddy,” and that’s the only cue he needed before he jumped quickly off the carriage and began walking around while sniffing the ground.

As soon as my feet touch the ground,a man in his 50’s approached me.He’s wearing a black tuxedo and a black hat.He has a broad-shoulder,a lean posture and a tanned wrinkled skin– a sign of aging.He has this friendly smile plastered on his face as he removed his hat,exposing those gray-ish strands of his.He then bow down his head courteously before standing straight placing his hat back on his head,still smiling. Evo jumped up on him gleefully,his front paws were on the man’s waist level,tail shaking from side to side and his tongue sticking out.The old man laughed calming the overjoyed dog by petting its head.

“Uncle Rob!" I smiled back.

"Vaccines,medicines,food and clothes are all ready,Miss Elena,”

My lower lips protruded in a childish pout as i heard the way he addressed me.I hoisted my bag on my shoulder,crossing my arms over my chest,pout never leaving my mouth earning a small laugh from the old man.

“Just Elena,Uncle Rob,”

I never liked the way Naya and Uncle Rob addresses me.Firstly,because Uncle Rob,even though he’s not my Uncle by blood, he’s always been working under my family as a butler,even before i was born.And Naya is like a real sister to me. She used to call me in my real name tho,but when she heard Uncle Rob calling me Miss Elena,and ever since when she started to learn the honorifics she began calling me 'Lady’ treating me high and mighty rather than treating me as her own sister.As a real sister.And it saddens me.

“Oh! Hi,Mr.Williams,” I heard Naya spoke behind me with a lively voice as she get herself out of the carriage. Evo was now sitting quietly beside me,his tongue still sticking out.

“My,my,You two really grew so fast,huh?Last time i remember you two were just this small,” He said motioning his hands,placing them on his waistline as Naya and I giggled softly,”Oh, and about the goods,“ The old man added before he whistled. To my shock ten men suddenly came up and began unloading the carriage.I blinked few times, analyzing what’s happening.

"Did–,” I said pointing at the men carrying the goods.”Did my dad sent them here?”

"No,Grandma did.It will be hard for us to carry those boxes without them,Lady,”

‘Well,obviously’ i thought.I bet i couldn’t even carry a single box,but sending ten men was kinda over reacting.I looked at Uncle Rob for confirmation,giving him a 'for real?’ look and he nodded.

“I know but,I was expecting fewer people.Maybe three men is enough,right?”

“Well,” i heard Uncle Rob sighed “Your granny knows how dangerous for us to go in such place,so she thinks sending three men is not enough.”

I frowned but nodded.

“Anyway,Uncle,”I said as i moved my gaze from the boxes to Uncle Rob “Where is 'it’?“ I asked and he looked at me questioningly.

"Oh,that,” he said as he remember, “On your left,Miss El,”

The frown on my face subsided slowly as I felt the surge of excitement runs through my body once again.I turned my head on my left side and gulped, Silently reading the letters written on the wall right next to an arrow.

'To Underground City’

I am finally here.

Again.

I flopped down on my bed groaning while messing my hair,feeling disappointed while I felt Evo lay beside me.I laid on my stomach while digging my face on my pillow as I clutched on it tightly.Lifting up my head a little,I look through my windows,quietly watching as the brilliant orb of amber and tangerine sunk lower and lower in the sky until it dipped down into the horizon, painting the sky in magnificent hues of fiery red and crimson illuminating my room. The colors faded from maroon to neon pink and majestic purple. An impossibly bright orange colored the world a sparkling gold as the sun descended. The sky changed from cornflower blue to a subtle purple, speckled with diamonds and adorned in one large orb of opal.

The first summer night of this year.

The dim light of the moon was the only one that serves a small light in my huge dark room.I rolled on my bed and lay on my back,staring at the white ceiling of my room in the middle of silence.The goods were properly distributed.I enjoyed this project but I’m quite disappointed at some point.So far the projects were successful except 'him’.

My first project was to help the refugees of Wall Maria.Those people who has been forced to leave their hometown and moved inside Wall Rose when the outer wall was breached by the Armored Titan and Colossal Titan two years ago.I chose Underground City for my second project not only because I saw how miserable was the life of people living in there but also,because of 'him’.That boy who saved me and Naya.

I knew that my chance to meet him again after thirteen long years was so small,I didn’t even catch his name,neither I know if I would recognized him if I see him.But i willingly took the risk.I just wanted to thank him for what he did to me and to Naya. And by 'thanking him’ I mean,I wanted to help him.I can help him out of that place if that’s what he want.I never get the chance to thank him back then because he left as soon as my parents came and found me.

’If he didn’t left maybe I could convinced my parents to adopt him too’.

How does he look like again? I couldn’t actually remember.Neither Naya can.The only thing I can remember were his eyes.Those pair of grey orbs,staring coldly.One of the most beautiful pair I have ever seen in my entire life.I sighed closing my eyes falling into a deep slumber.

Three consecutive knocks on my door woke me up from my sleep. Evo lifted his head and opened his eyes raising his left ear as the door opened with a small squeak ,but then lay his head back on my bed comfortably,closing his eyes when he saw it was just Naya who entered my room.I opened my eyes groaning as I glanced at the wall clock.

9:45 pm.

“Lady!" Naya called out catching her breath, one hand resting on her knee and the other one holding a small lamp. I sat on my legs lazily,stretching my limbs before rubbing my eyes.I looked at myself at the mirror beside my bed,my hair,a tangled mess.My gaze moved from the mirror to Naya.

"What is it,Naya?” I tilted my head in a slight confusion as i scrutinized the girl in front of me, “Did you run?" i asked yawning.

She swallowed and nodded,trying to calm her breath.

"You seem so tired,Lady.Would you like to rest first?”

I shook my head and sat on the edge of my bed trying to fix my hair with my fingers.

“Nah,I’m fine.I just woke up,” I said still fixing my hair. “So,what’s up with you running like that?”

“Another letter arrived," Naya said showing out a small white envelope.

I looked at it before I nodded nonchalantly.Just another letter from the medical establishments doesn’t excites me.After i attained my highest education in the field of Medicine and graduated with the highest award being the youngest person who ranked first in the over-all-ranking,since then, medical organizations started their obsession on sending me letters,offering and encouraging me to join them,however,none of those letters caught my interest.They keep sending letters and i keep on refusing.I know that they just want me for money,the name and the fame.If I joined them,the chance of being hired by the nobles as their personal doctor will get higher and that also means bigger money.And i absolutely loathed the idea.

"Guess i need to declined another letter hmm?”

I shrugged walking towards my vanity mirror to brush my hair.

“But,Lady..” Naya said with her widened eyes looking at me, “This is not 'just another letter’,”

I stopped.Looking at Naya through my mirror.

“What is it then?” I asked,raising my right eyebrow.My eyes flickered with curiosity.

“It’s a letter from the royal family.Here," She said and I frowned,confused. Naya showed the envelope,pointing the stamp.I squinted my eyes looking at the small white envelope through my mirror. "It has a royal stamp,Lady,”

Recognizing the stamp,I gasped and spun around quickly.I walked towards Naya to check the letter myself. Naya hand it over me.The stamp was the image of the castle and the King’s initials.My eyes widened as my fingers touched the stamp.

‘But why?

I thought.I looked at Naya,and she’s already looking at me,My confused hazel brown hues met her pair of confused green once,returning my eyes on the small white envelope,i opened the letter that was addressed to me.My eyes scanned the letter.Each word was neatly written.And on the lower right,there was the King’s signature along with the royal stamp just like the stamp on the outside cover.The letter was clearly not an invitation nor an offer.It’s an order–An order from the King.Defying it means death.I can’t just decline it.As i proceed on reading,a certain line caught my attention.A small smirk crept on my face as I folded the paper neatly placing it back on the envelope,closing it.

“Pack your things,Naya,” I said walking towards my bed,“ We’re leaving.”

“Wha–..Where are we going,Lady?”

“Grandma’s,”I answered shortly as i get my luggage under my bed.

“But,Lady!The King expect you to be there before sunrise,” Her voice trembling as she speaks.”And if you refused you will be sent to–” her eyes widened as if realization hits her.

I didn’t speak, instead I walked towards my closet and get a good amount of clothes,placing it inside my luggage.

“Lady,Don’t tell me you–” the crease forming between his eyebrows became deeper.

“Yes,” I said calmly.

She opened her mouth like she’s about to say something but it seems like she can’t find the right term,that she’s unsure what to say so she closed it again,before she bit her bottom lip.

“You know dad will never allow me to go.” I sighed,turning to her,placing my hands on either side of her shoulder. “This is the only chance i have,"

"But,” she paused searching for words,”I know that you know this is not a good idea,Elena,”

I was quite shock when she called me in my real name.Sign that she’s angry yet worried,but she can’t stop me. I’ve waited for this opportunity for so long.I’m thankful that she always worry about me.I really am.But now,It’s the right time for us to choose our own path.

"Yes,I’m sorry,”

I murmured as i watched her walked towards the door quietly.The sound of opening and closing of my door is the only noise can be heard,a quite click followed. Naya walked out of my room leaving me without a single word.

****************************

Wall Rose | Year 847 | Ehrmich District (south) | 12:00 am

Sipping my tea, I let my eyes wander in my surrounding. A wooden table in front of me and a cup of tea on the table.This house was not as fancy as the one where me and Naya live.This house is more simple yet it gives me the feeling of relaxation and comfort. I’ve missed this house.Me and Naya used to spend our vacation in this house back then, but it stopped when I became preoccupied with my studies.

I heard someone cleared their throat.Following the sound, my gaze fell on my grandmother’s face.Her suspicious eyes already boring at me.

“So,what brought you here,young women?”

“Are you not happy to see us,granny?” I said dramatically clutching my chest.

“Shut up,El.You know that’s not what i meant,”

I pouted childishly.My grandmother is stricter than my mother,while my father has always been the softest one.Basically my grandmother’s the strictest person in the family.

“Why?Is it now bad to visit you,granny?”

“No.But at midnight?Seriously El?It will only take two hours of driving for you to reached my house.And that means you didn’t really planned to visit me but you had to because something came up.” she paused sipping her coffee. “So tell me,young woman.Did something wrong happened?”

My childish pout was now replaced with a serious expression,lips pursed tightly as I turned my gaze to Naya. She’s fidgeting while looking at the unmoving liquid substance in-front of her,holding her mug tightly.I sighed. I’ve already mentioned my plan to my grandmother before as well so I know she wouldn’t be so surprised if I bring up the topic.I turned my gaze to my grandmother, my hazel brown eyes met her dark brown hues still staring at me intently,I wet my lips.

“I am leaving for Military Training,grandma,” I said as I stared at her not blinking while biting my inner cheek.

She continue to stare at me as well with so much intensity as if she’s looking for something in my eyes.Silence.The wind blow and the cold air entered through the open window of the dinning room and slightly caressed my cheeks. Silence. Only the sound of leaves swaying with the wind can be heard. Silence. Naya looked at me then to the old woman,feeling the tension rising up.

“No," My grandma said her voice low yet firm.

I let out a sigh.I just realized I was unconsciously holding my breath while I was waiting for my grandmother’s answer.

"You can’t do anything even if you’re against it,granny.The King sent a letter earlier,ordering me to work under him as his personal doctor.They’ll send someone to fetch me tomorrow and I’ve already leave a letter of declination on one of the maid in the mansio–." I tried to explain but i was cut.

I was surprised when my grandmother slapped me hard right on my face before I can even finished what I was saying.I touched my cheeks, eyes wide opened,She never slapped me before.

"Say,” She asked her voice was shaking. “You wanna die?”

“I never said that.They want me dead.But i never said i wanted to die,granny,” I argued and she frowned.

“And what about Naya?You’ll drag her with you?” she asked slightly gritting her teeth,pointing her finger to Naya.

I was about to speak when i heard the chair squeak as Naya stood up,all our eyes on her.

"I–” she stuttered. “I’ll go too,”Naya said with such determination that almost match mine if only her voice weren’t shaking.

“Naya,no,” I said rather calmly as I looked at Naya,creased forming between her eyebrows. “ Never,”

I turned my eyes to my grandmother as she sighed closing her eyes,while pinching the bridge of her nose,trying to calm herself

"I’m sorry,for causing you stress.” I bit my lip looking at her apologetically.“I just wanted to say goodbye to you personally at least before i leave." I paused then look at Naya who’s still standing,her fists curled tightly. “And as for Naya,I’m gonna leave her here in your house.”

I know it will be the best for the both of them,since grandma’s not getting any younger,Naya can take care of her.Also, Naya needs someone to be with her.She can’t be alone.She hates it.

“You don’t understand,Elena." she said sniffing,"What i hate the most is..being left behind,”Naya said,tears running down her face,her voice shaking yet she spit those last two words venomously before she ran upstairs,leaving me and my grandmother in the dinning room.

My eyes widened and I froze not just because she called me in my real name for the second time this day,but because I realized something; I’ve hurt Naya. I will do the thing she hated the most.I will do the same thing those people in her past did to her.I will leave her.Will she hate me?I stand up from my seat and I was about to chase her when my grandmother stopped me on my tracks.

“You sit,”

I swallowed the invisible lump on my throat and patted Evo’s head before i whispered. “Evo. Go to Naya,okay?" I said smiling at my dog and he barked on agreement.

"Good boy," I patted him one last time before he run upstairs,my eyes followed my dog’s movement until I can’t see him anymore.I sat myself on the chair as my grandmother began to speak.

“Why?” she asked in almost inaudible voice,“Why can’t you just accept the order and live peacefully inside Sina just as what your mother told you?” I bit my lip,hanging my head low “Like me and your father want you to do?”

I stayed silent as she bombarded me with questions.

“Why do you have to be so stubborn?” She said her voice weak.“If you’re just doing this to avenge your mother’s death,then stop it.You don’t have to do that,honey,”

“Avenging my mother’s death is far from my real intention,granny.I wanted to do this because i wanted to help,” my eyes started to tear up as i started to remember her, “Just like my mother did,“

I admire my mother,Most of doctors declined working under Scouting Legion because they can’t offer them high income.But she chose to work under that Legion.There’s so many excellent doctors out there but they chose to work under the royalty.Under nobles.Only a few of them have the guts to work under this Legion,when in fact they’re the one who needs us the most.

“And I wanted to help not just as a doctor,but also,as a soldier”

She stared at my eyes as if she’s reaching out for my soul.And I stared at her eyes with my pair of hazel orbs full with determination.She sighed as if it’s the sign that she gave up.

"Did your dad know about this?��

My grandma asked but I didn’t answer,instead I just hang my head low.She clicked her tongue shaking her head.

“Did you even mentioned this plan to him?”

“I did,once.But he got angry,” I pouted.

“Who wouldn’t?Be thankful your dad didn’t slapped you like i did,”

“He almost,”

And I almost forgot about the slap tho.Now that my grandma mentioned it,I touched my cheek and I felt my cheek sting a bit.But I know the training will be more painful.

“But,I’m sorry.I just..” She trailed off, “I just don’t want to lost you the way i lost your mother.”She said and turned her head to the open window, looking at the sky. “My only daughter.”

I hummed.

“I know.I’m sorry too–”

“And I want you to know that I’m still against it.I just hope you’ll never regret this." She said with a quite yet sad voice.I give her a reassuring smile,hugging her.

"Nev–”

“Save it.I want you to say that to me one day.Not now,okay?” She said detaching herself from the hug and I nodded,“Promise me,”

I smiled,as i brought my hand on the left part of my chest. “I promise.”

“Now go upstairs and talk to Naya.” she said smiling sadly.

—–

I knocked on the door before I opened it.There I see Naya on her bed,hugging Evo. She’s now on her nightwear. A white long sleeve duster that goes just below her knees with some ruffles on the collar.Some of the strands of her black waist length hair were covering her face.The only source of the light is the moon that can be seen through her windows, illuminating the dark room with its dim light.The curtain slightly swaying in the breeze entering her open window.I can hear some occasional sniffs which meant she’s still awake..and crying.I walked towards her bed and I sit on the edge, her back facing me. Evo stand up and walk towards me.I patted his head whispering a 'Thank you’ before I turned to Naya.

“Naya..” I called but she stayed silent.

I started humming a song,because I know it calms her.Music calms me too.We both like music so much.I play piano and she plays guitar.We usually spend time together composing music.To be honest most of the things we know,we learned them together.

“Back then we always learn things together.But now,” I trailed off. “It’s a bit different.We need to choose our path..of what would we like to be,”

“Bring me with you then,” She speaks all of a sudden.

I looked at her with a saddened expression in my eyes and she looked at me with her pained ones.I want her to do the thing that her heart desires.Not this.This is not what she wanted.I know she’s just doing this because of me.

She get up from her bed and shook her head before she looked at me.“Why is that you can to decide for yourself and you wont let me on my own.That’s unfair,Lady,” My expression softened as I heard her statement

"I can’t," I muttered with sadness lace on my voice.

"You can.You just don’t want to," She murmured before laying on her bed once again,but now ,covering her face with her blanket.

"If you will continue to deny my request,then please kindly leave the room,Lady.There’s nothing to talk about,”

That night I let Evo to stay on Naya’s room,instead of mine.

*********************************

|6:30 am|

Morning came so fast.Silence engulf the whole surrounding. I’m now dressed and ready to go,I’m just waiting for the carriage that will fetch me to arrive.Naya on the other hand is still on her night ware.My grandmother look at the both of us,sipping her black coffee.

“I assume you two didn’t solve your problem,”

She said breaking the silence as she noticed the black circles below my eyes as well as Naya’s eyes.No one answered.Just another silence,It pains me that I will leave like this.We heard a loud knock on the front door.I looked at Naya then to my grandmother.Grandma gave me a small nod before I rushed to the front door,opening it as I saw a man standing outside holding a white paper to which I assumed was a sketch of me.He look at the paper then he looked at me while I get my luggage and carry it.I looked at him.He’s wearing a brown jacket,and a light blue shirt underneath,a white pants with straps and a leather boots.On his jacket an embroidered logo of a green unicorn.The infamous logo of Military Police Brigade.

“I came here under the King’s mighty order.I was sent here to deliver his words.Come with us.Don’t you dare escape, for i was given lawful authority to shoot and kill you if you dare.Don’t you dare refuse, for i had take you by force if y—,”

The man stopped when I walk passed him and get out of the house before he can even finished his sentence.He then grabbed my arm harshly and clicked his tongue.

“What a rude lady,”

I heard him said and I gritted my teeth,glaring at him as I tried to free my arm off his grasp by wiggling it violently.

“I won’t escape,goddammit.”

“Just to make sure,” he said without letting go of my arm.

“You have a gun,you could just shoot me if i dare,just as what you said earlier” i snarled.

“Unafraid,eh?” he chuckled but he didn’t let go of my arm.Squeezing it tighter instead,trying to intimidate me.I hissed,pained and irritated. “Anyway,” he trailed off “You’re not gonna say goodbye to them?” he said looking at the two women standing in the doorway of the house.

I gulped.I can’t get myself turn on my back,because if i will, i don’t know, I’ll probably break down,so i shook my head.

“Really?” he sounds amused,a devious smirk plastered on his face. “Who knows,this might be the last time you’ll be able to see them,”

I sighed closing my eyes.I won’t let my emotions control me.I can’t let that happen so I get inside the carriage with my luggage as fast as i can and the man closed the door almost instantly after he get inside with me.I looked through the window,there I see my grandmother and my sister. Both of them held a sad expression on their faces as I waved at them and smiled gently.Gently yet sadly.

“Whoa!”

The coachman yelled and the carriage began to move as the horse starts walking.That’s when I heard a bark.I peek through the windows and I saw Evo running after the carriage.

“Wait!" I shouted.

"What?" The man beside me asked, irritated.The coachman slowed down the horse.

"Evo,i mean my dog.Can i at least take him with me?”

“Are you trying to escape using your dog?” The man said chuckling,he then turned to the coachman.“Please go on.Ignore her.”

I frowned. And the carriage starts moving again.

“No!Of course not,”

“Sure." The man beside me scoffed. I was about to say something when he speaks.

"You will shut your mouth or else i’ll shoot your dog." He said showing me his gun.

************************************

Training Camp| Year 847 | 8:30 am

"Move faster,dipshit,”

I accidentally dropped my luggage on the ground as the MP pushed me off the carriage. I heard him clicked his tongue. I hissed picking up my luggage.I noticed that he’s still on the carriage.I frowned at him.

“Here," He throw a paper bag on me.I caught the bag and look what’s on the inside.

"That’s your uniform," He said and I nodded as he closed the door of the carriage.

"Wait,where are you going?”

“My job here was already done,young lady,”

“What?” I asked confuse and the carriage starts to move. “Wait!” I shouted, but it didn’t stop.

I feel uncomfortable and nervous at the same time as I looked around me.It’s been so long since I went outside without Naya and Evo around.There’s so many people here and,most of them are so young.Most of them are refugees.I sighed walking around trying to find a place where I can changed my clothes,but to no avail.This place was just too big and too unfamiliar.I don’t know where to go,and I’m completely lost.I’m really bad at this.

"Trainees,gathered together and form 10 lines 20 rows,Now!!” I heard someone shouted and i started to panic.

“Dammit!" I hissed.

I haven’t even put my uniform on,I’m still on my goddamned casual clothes for Pete’s sake.I saw some trainees running on a certain direction,I looked at the paper bag in my hands then on the running trainees,contemplating.Should I change my clothes first? or should I follow them and fall in the line as well?

Clicking my tongue, I followed them.While running,I noticed that all trainees are now on their uniform except me.Great.Just great.When everyone’s done on choosing their place in the line,a loud voice boomed that made everyone flinched and automatically straighten their bodies.

"Straight those pants,peasants!The hundred and fourth Cadet Corps boot camp starts now!Allow me to introduced myself,” he said as he stood straight in front of us, “I’m the former Commander Keith Shadis,and you will gonna hate me.Training is gonna be a white-knuckle ride through hell.If I’ve done my job you’ll be waking up in a cold sweat from memories of this place every night for the rest of your miserable lives.Right now you’re nothing,livestock.But over the next three soul-crashing years,you’ll learn to take down your own Goliath.Remember this moment when you come face to face with him cause here’s where you will ask yourself ’Am i a fighter or am i a food?’,'Am i gonna be ground up to a pulpy human breast wing boulder sized incisors or am i gonna be that one that bite?’”

He shouted with all force with such voice that will make anyone shit their pants.He then started to walk towards the trainees,examining their faces with a glare.

“Hey,mop-top!” He called and go in front of a certain blond boy.

“Sir!”The boy answered,standing straight placing his right hand on the left side of his chest and curling up his fingers,his other hand on his back.

“What did i’ll call you,maggot?”

“I’m Armin Arlert from Shiganshina,sir!" he said flinching slightly.

"Wow,seriously?Why would your parents cursed you with such a dumb name?”

“It was my grandfather,sir!!”

And just like that the former Commandant continued insulting the new recruits.One.by.one.

“What do you call yourself?”

“I am Marco Bott,sir.From Jinae,in Wall Rose’s Southern District,sir!I came to join the Military Police and pledge myself to the King!”

He said, wanting to sound so brave and lively but I can still feel the nervousness in his voice.

'Another one who wants to join the MP huh?’ I thought.

“Well then,that makes you an idealistic fool and a rube.You want the truth?The only use the King has for your life and limbs are titan fodder." The man said moving to the next target like nothing happened.

Things just got worse when he saw a certain bald boy saluted with his left hand instead with his right,the former Commandant grabbed his head and lifted him off the ground.I didn’t expected him to be this rough with the soldiers,especially with the new recruits.

"Listen up,Connie Springer!This was one of the first things you were taught,this salute means you’re offering your heart to the King and for humanity,Is your heart on the right side,shithead?”

He said before releasing the bald boy’s head.He turned his head on the next row.On my row.A girl eating potato caught his attention and I’m near her.

Her.Another Cadet.Me.

“Hey,you there,what do you think you’re doing?" He said walking towards to the girl.The girl looked on her both sides before she took another bite of her food.

"You are officially on my shitlist,Just who the hell are you?" The man shouted angrily.

Swallowing the food on her mouth quickly, she answered,"Sasha Blouse from Dauper,in Wall Rose’s Southern District at your service,reporting for duty,sir!" She said saluting the potato still in her hand.

"Sasha Blouse huh?And what is that you’re clutching in your right hand?" The man said in his low voice.Looking at the innocent steamed potato she’s clutching in her hand with a glare.

I don’t know if am i the only one who find this situation funny,I’ve been holding back a loud laugh ever since the conversation with the potato girl started.Looking around all i see are stiffened soldiers.I can say that the former Commandant did a great job on intimidating them.

"Why?I can’t comprehend,Why would you eat that potato?”The girl started to look confused.

“Are you asking me why people eat potatoes?I’m surprised you don’t know,sir.”

Everyone’s jaw dropped and eyeing her shockingly.Silence engulfed the surrounding and she halfheartedly took a small part of the potato,sighing.

“Here,sir.Have half." She said as she holds out the small part.

That’s when I accidentally let out a loud laugh.Realizing it,I automatically lowered my head and avert my eyes on the ground covering the half of my face as I heard footsteps coming closer.My heart thumping so loud.

"Who the hell are you?And what are you laughing for?” he stopped for a moment and i got nervous, “And why you’re not wearing your goddamned uniform,cadet!?”

He shouted,his voice sent chills down my spine. I placed my hand on the left side of my chest and the other at the back.I stood straight but my head still bent down.

“I couldn’t find a place where i can changed my clothes,sir!!”

I said,eyes still on the ground and my head lowering more and more by the seconds.Then there’s silence first before he answered.

“What a dumb piece of shit.Why the hell you’re looking at the ground,shithead?Lift up your head and look at your superior!!”

I flinched as he shouted louder than before.I’m surprised he haven’t recognized me..yet.“I will asked you once again.What is your name?!”

Knuckles-white,I slowly lift my head up,gathering all my strength I speak loud and clear.He froze,staring at me.Shock etched his face as he recognized me.

"Elena Shadis,from Mitras,the innermost Capital inside Wall Sina,Sir.” I bit my inner cheek nervously as i heard audible gasps and whispering around me.Eyes still focus in front as the man,scrutinize me in astonishment.

“E-Elena?” he stuttered.Swallowing the invisible lump in my throat,I looked at him apologetically before i speak.

“Dad.”

-CHAPTER ONE END-

To Be Continued...

End Of the First Chapter

You can show your support by buying me a coffee: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/mrnlsl

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scriptureofashes · 7 years

Text

(Not) Sorry

Based on this. (@crazypantsjewels)

Somebody kill me.

Tony groaned into what was probably a pillow. His body hurt everywhere, shoulders stiff and back screaming in hellish pain. For a brief moment, it felt like those times in Afghanistan, where he had all but a nice and dusty floor to sleep on, but the warm leg twisted over his accompanied by soft snoring rushed the panic away before it could even peek out.

"Friday, remind me why I made the terrible decision of sleeping on this horrid couch," he grumbled. His joints screeched at him as he sat up. I. Am. Old.

"Because you and Mr. Parker decided to play Mario Kart at 11:07 pm and fell asleep at 3:42 am, right before your character was thrown off Rainbow Bridge."

Oh, right.

“Wait, what? He threw me off?” Tony glared at the kid sprawled out on the narrow end of the orange couch. “Little shit. I picked Yoshi and he got jealous.”

“I told you to choose the purple one.”

“What the everloving—”

Tony shifted his glare over the back of the couch. Loki’s returning stare was of amusement.

“Jesus, that’s it! I’m gonna buy you a bell,” Tony stated. He gently lifted Peter’s scrawny leg from his knee and stretched – ow pain, ow pain, said his muscles – before getting off the couch. His gaming remote tumbled to the floor. “And you wanted me to pick Waluigi. Waluigi. Friendship revoked.”

Loki huffed, stabbing at his half-frozen waffles. He was still trying to figure out how some things were supposed to be food and seemed pretty keen on getting to understand. Even if sometimes it made him beyond irritated. He did not understand toast, for example. Or tacos. Or cheesecake. Or cookies. Or pop-tarts, definitely not pop-tarts, which had made for entertaining debates with Thor.

Tony snorted at his bemused expression. “Just pour some milk and granola on a bowl before you give yourself an aneurysm.”

“Your ‘milk’ is fowl.”

“Oh great, another one who thinks milk is murder. You gonna tell me the Earth is flat, too?”

“What? Quit speaking nonsense, Man of Iron.”

“You already working on your anti-vaccination petitions?”

Tony felt more than saw Bruce opening the fridge behind him, probably to dig out the eggs and the milk in question. He always made pancakes for breakfast when he was around in the mornings. Speaking of which…

“Friday, give me hours.”

“8:50 in the morning, boss.”

Cripes.

Vision’s hand suddenly stretched out to grab Loki’s uneaten plate of (mashed) waffles and started to bring out pots and pans to help with breakfast. Water was already boiling on the stove and Tony could bet that was Bruce’s tea.

“I think what Loki means is that he doesn’t really like milk,” Bruce said.

“Sacrilege.” Loki’s eye-roll was so damn near perfect, Tony envied it. He turned to the living room. “Up and at it, Spidey. You’re late for school. Don’t want Aunt May on my ass again.”

There was a low, dragged out groan from the occupied couch, a flash of feet – one with the sock on and the other in a sneaker – and Peter was up. Tired and disoriented, but still up. Maskless, even. Took him a while, but he’d finally decided at least some of the Avengers should know who he was in case of emergency. And what better half of the Avengers than the ones that were legal?

Discounting Loki, but Loki... was Loki.

“I was under the idea that schools closed during weekends,” Vision mused, closing a cabinet.

Bruce smiled at him when Tony raised an eyebrow, that exasperated yet fond smile he had really missed. “Tony, it’s Saturday.”

“Oh. Is it?”

“Yes, boss.”

Damn, I am really off track.

“False alarm, kid. Go to your room, catch some Z's. Or would you rather I drive you back home? I’m sure May will want to check up on you.”

Peter yawned in response and sat on his self-claimed bar stool. It was his favorite spot in the kitchen, for some reason. Did a lot of homework there, listening to Tony and Bruce’s heated science arguments. Tony supposed it was because of the vents’ entrance right over it. Easy access to a tall, dark place and whatnot. Freaking spiders and their spider-lings.

It also reminded him of someone who had a bad habit of sneaking around in vents and he didn’t know how to feel about that.

“Nah, I’m good, Mr. Stark. I wanna be awake for… you know.”

Tony watched him rub his eyes, and for a brief moment, was reminded of how young he was. “For what? Adventure Time reruns?”

All noise in the kitchen stopped at his words. Even Loki wasn’t unperturbed.

“Uh, no…?” Peter frowned at him. “Mr. Stark, you do know what day today is, right?”

“Is it your birthday? Shit I thought I had that memorized already—”

“It’s the fourteenth,” Bruce enlightened. He kept cracking the eggs, but his tone was clipped.

Vision didn’t look much better. “Today, the once fugitive team of former Avengers returns to the country, in order to sign the renewed Accords.”

Shit. Shit.

Rain poured outside when Team Iron Man (plus the Hulk, Thor and Loki) were ready and assembled in the common room of the Avengers facility. The TV was on, switched to some news channel, a weatherman describing the exact storm going outside.

Tony wouldn’t’ve had it more cliche than this. Yes, morning started out as beautiful as his mood. Yes, now the rain mirrored how drastically it had shifted. You’re kidding me. He was half inclined to dump the tea he was holding on one of the Asgard brothers, considering they were the closest things to gods he had in his life. And who do you curse when shit happens? Exactly.

2:49 pm, his wristwatch read. Eleven minutes. Eleven minutes until those doors opened.

Natasha stood against one of the kitchen counters. As always, her red hair was perfect and her leather jacket was immaculate. She’d arrived at two o’clock sharp and had barely said a word since then. Tony was actually thankful for that. He was not in the mood to get into a discussion about his so called ego and the consequences if often arose.

He was already feeling like shit (read: self-conscious and scared as fuck) enough as it was.

He glanced at his reflection on the mirror across the room. Ergo. Slim-fit Hugo Boss, black, an indigo-blue tie snug around his neck and tucked into the vest. Blue tinted Armani shades to hide his ever so permanent bags. Look your best when you’re at your worst.

“… So I take the tank, drop it right off at the general's palace, drop it at his feet. I'm like, ‘Boom, are you looking for this?’"

“I once did something like that!”

Tony smiled at the sight of Peter and Rhodey, on the couch, laughing and sharing crime-fighting stories. He knew the kid did a lot that the Colonel didn’t, but his enthusiasm didn’t seem deterred. Quality trait inc: humility.

“He’s a good kid.”

Tony looked at Natasha for a moment. Her green eyes were searching.

“He is.”

It was followed by the same silence it had hung in the air until then. 2:52. She pushed herself off the counter, arms still crossed, and rounded the kitchen island to stand closer to Tony. He had the sudden impulse to activate his emergency wrist repulsor and blast her back to where she was before. He sipped at the cup of tea Bruce had brewed for him instead.

“How did you convince him to stick around?”

Here we go.

“I didn’t.”

He saw her raised eyebrow from the corner of his eye.

“That’s an ominous reply.”

Look who’s talking, he wanted to say, but he was still not in the mood for this kind of self-destructive discussions. Checking his watch again – 2:53 – he moved closer to Peter and Rhodey, taking a seat on one of the other couches and blatantly disregarding Natasha’s irked expression.

Thor and Vision were already engaged in a conversation, something about the stone in his head again – reasonable, it pertained to the reason Team Cap was signing the Accords – and Loki, fully dressed in his Asgardian drapes like his brother, fiddled with his scepter on the other end of the same couch Tony and Bruce sat on. The good doctor seemed to be avoiding Natasha’s presence as well. Kind of ironic – he’d somehow made peace with a Norse god who had wanted to unleash the Hulk and spread terror, but he refused to talk to the woman he’d once had a chance with.

“You’re not gonna catch up?” Tony asked, pointing at the aforementioned redhead with his teacup.

“We already did.”

“… And?”

Well, it was a matter of time before I lost him, too.

“And nothing, Tony.” Bruce clasped his hands, taking a deep breath. “Indeed, I wouldn’t have signed the Accords at all when this whole fiasco went down. You know what went on between me and Ross. With him in control? Never.”

“Right—”

“But I never would have fought you, either.”

Tony could only stare. Bruce’s mouth quirked in a faint smile.

“The Other Guy wouldn’t have, I mean. Not you.”

“But you did sign the Accords. And you’re here.”

“Yes, because you were in charge, this time,” Bruce said. “I trust you, Tony. If you were the one to amend and dictate the main rules for the Accords, then I know it’s something safe for me to sign.”

“You don’t know that—”

“Yes, I do.”

Tony bit his lower lip, gulping. He was… at a loss for words. Something that happened once in a fucking blue moon.

He cleared his throat. “So, what? She thinks you shouldn’t have signed them?”

“No, Tony, she betrayed you.” Tony’s head swiveled so fast he almost got whiplash. “She was supposed to help you and she turned on you without good reason. That bothers me.”

“Really? Bros before hoes, you’re gonna go with that argument?”

Bruce laughed, and Tony smiled. It sounded damn good, especially after the hell that had transpired. Silence fell upon them again, but it wasn’t the awkward type anymore.

“You were just trying to make sure no more fatal casualties happened. And because Steve has trust issues—”

“Not to mention his undying love for Barnes—”

“Rhodey,” Tony deadpanned. Peter was snickering behind the mask.

“And because Steve has trust issues with the government,” Bruce continued, louder, despite his own smile, “And his own morals, he couldn’t compromise. Even though he should have, for the collective good he claims to fight for.”

“You’re kind of contradicting yourself there, Brucey, you too have issues with the government—”

“I had issues with the government. Which you managed to solve. Through your supervised Accords. And you managed to ditch Ross, too.”

“Well, it was nothing, you know, I...”

“The last time we engaged in a significant conversation,” Loki suddenly said, scepter gone, “You radiated threat. You spoke proudly, confidently. You strutted. What extinguished that fire, Stark?”

The answer came in form of more silence, thick and tense. Tony let the question turn rhetorical, let the others assume it was the Civil War some of them had not been present for.

Nobody knew about Siberia and Tony intended to keep it that way.

“Boss.”

“Yes?”

“They’re here.”

Oh, God. Indeed, the clock read 3:00 pm.

There was a collection of eye-contact amongst the group, before they all, slowly and grudgingly, stood. Tony could already feel the tell-tale signs in his chest of a panic reaction – his shield hit the arc reactor – and the sudden lack of oxygen worsened at the sight of shut windows – he was going to kill me.

He was going to kill me.

A small hand – well, smaller than his – touched his shoulder, and Tony was met with the concerned look of Spider-Man’s mask. Immediately, his chest loosened a tad. Peter was young, so young, but he looked out for Tony like nobody else did. Different from yet alike to Pepper and Rhodey.

With everybody but Bruce and Rhodey with their backs to them, Peter took the chance to hug him tightly, like Tony was anchoring him. How is this kid even real? He hugged back, hesitant and awkward – like that would ever change – but tears were already pin-pricking at his eyes, and he so did not need that now.

“Alright, kiddo, we’ve been over this, I don’t do hugs,” he said, but his voice cracked and outed him. Rhodey looked at him like he wanted to haul him over his back and take him out of there. Tony wasn’t opposed, but unlike some people, he fulfilled his duties.

Peter pulled away, nodding his head, Spider-Man eyes still conveying worry, but he made his way to the entrance hall to greet the incoming team, where everybody was already standing. Tony took a deep breath.

“Tony,” Bruce whispered, because Friday had turned off the TV and there was the familiar, metallic whirring of the doors opening down the hall. “Tea.”

Right. Tony took a gulp of it, a big one, shared a nod with Bruce, and placed himself on the middle-front spot the group had left for him. Next to Peter and Bruce, and far away from Natasha. Perfect.

For a moment there was just silence, the anticipating kind. Then, to join the sound of heavy breathing, came steps, multiple steps, echoing over the tall walls and ceilings, growing closer and closer and closer. Peter’s breath hitched next to him – spider senses – and there were shadows to match those steps, until—

T’Challa came first. He was in his civvies, not even in a suit, and that sort of eased Tony a little, seeing how comfortable the wakandan felt towards him. After all, he was the one Tony had been communicating with when the Thanos dilemma called for one last Assemble, the one he had discussed Accords matters with, the one who hadn’t gone against his choices on said Accords and merely relayed Team Cap’s conditions with neutrality. They weren’t exactly friends, but they weren’t enemies either, so Tony’s returning smile to the king was nothing if not genuine.

The rest of them trailed right after him. They all came. Wilson, Barton, Lang. Maximoff. She looked poised, self-assured even. She tried to meet his eyes, defiant as ever, but the two members that came last required more of his attention than a spoiled, insolent teenager did.

He had a beard. Tony almost didn’t recognize him, but where there was a one-armed, rumpled up soldier, there was Rogers. Out of all of them, he was the one Tony forced himself to make eye-contact with.

I’ll be damned if I ever give him the satisfaction of watching me suffer.

Rogers eyed him back with a strange expression in those blue eyes, like forlorn and fond at the same time, and Tony really didn’t know what to make of that.

There was a moment where nobody said anything – nobody knew what to say – but Tony was Tony.

“Did you have a disagreement with the Gillette corporation?” he blurted. Nice going. “That’s one hell of a bird’s nest, Rogers.”

In all fairness, he expected the indignation that crossed most of their faces, like they didn’t think he’d ever be so disrespectful towards the captain. He did not expect Rogers’ answering chuckle.

“Months of exile in Africa will do that to you.” Tony didn’t reply. “I can see you yourself look as prim as ever.”

Tony gave him his best press smile, but he still said nothing. He was upright and still on sheer concentrated power of will, otherwise he’d have already spun on his heels and legged it. Flashes of a red, white and blue shield aiming for his head came to mind, and he had to take a deep breath in order to not accidentally call for the suit.

“You didn’t call,” Rogers stated. Ah.

“I’m allergic to outdated technology.”

Behind him, Rhodey coughed to hide his laugh. Rogers’ reaction wasn’t nearly as pleased. He broke eye-contact, and for a moment, Tony managed to breathe.

He nodded at Bruce. “Dr. Banner.”

“Captain Rogers.”

“Mr. Stark,” T’Challa begun. Tony turned to him. “I would like to thank you for your efforts to finally bring us all into agreement regarding the Accords, and for housing us despite—”

“What the fuck.”

Tony almost jumped at the sheer rage in Barton’s voice. The archer strode forward, past Wilson and now next to Barnes – who still looked like he’d rather be anywhere than here, and Tony kind of related to him at the moment – and pointed an accusing finger at someplace to the right.

“What. Is. He. Doing. Here.”

Loki raised his eyebrows, but other than that, he didn’t react. Nobody took the initiative to reply. Really.

“He’s reinforcement.”

Barton’s glare was piercing. “Reinforcement. Nat, how the fuck did you allow this?”

“I wasn’t consulted,” Natasha replied. Her coldness was obviously not directed at the archer.

The entirety of Team Cap, excluding T’Challa, looked affronted. Rogers was no longer attempting to look amiable, steel gaze and furrowed brows in place.

“You called Loki as reinforcement?” he accused. His voice was chilling. “Stark.”

“You were made aware of our circumstances, Rogers. We need all the power we can get—”

“So you decided to recruit a mentally unstable, reckless murderer to protect the planet he once wanted to destroy?” Maximoff spat. “Oh wait, that makes sense.”

Rhodey bristled. Deep breaths, Tony reminded himself, wanting to crawl into a hole and die.

“How on Earth were you put in charge of the Accords, Stark?” Lang scorned.

“You don’t get to say anything, you don’t even know what you’re here for!” Peter shouted, angrier than Tony ever heard him.

Deep breaths.

“You’re one to talk, how old are you?! Twelve?!” Wilson retorted. “You’re a kid and he dragged you into this mess!”

“I’m sixteen, asshole, and I’m here because I want to! Don’t you dare bring Mr. Stark into this!”

Deep breaths.

“Loki has redeemed himself in our eyes—” Thor tried to explain, but nobody was listening.

“You brought a sixteen year old into this?!” Rogers barked.

“He’s here on his own, Steve, calm down,” Bruce defended, already looking a little green.

Deep breaths.

“See? See?” Barton turned to Rogers, finger now pointing at Tony. “I told you we shouldn’t trust him. We should never have trusted him in the first place, not after these goddamned Accords, not after Ultron, not even for the Avengers initiative! He doesn’t care how he fucked me up, he makes me team up with that alien fucker, after everything he did to us, after everything he did to me, like the soulless bastard he is—”

Deep—fuck no, what.

“Oh, does it bother you that I allowed someone who fucked with your mind onto our team without asking you if you were okay with it first?” Tony snapped, switching eye-contact between Barton and Maximoff.

Everybody froze at his words, suddenly and slowly realizing their meaning as they saw who he was glaring at.

Are. You. Kidding. Me. He turned to Rogers, who was wide eyed and speechless, all the ice and cold of Siberia in his eyes.

“So, so sorry.”

He slowly sipped the rest of his tea, watching their mixed reactions of anger, confusion and dawning realization. He smiled.

“I trust you’re all familiar with the accommodations, but if I were you, I wouldn’t get too comfy.”

With that, he turned on his heel, handed Vision the empty cup, and did what he needed to do since he first heard these traitors were coming back: he got the hell out of there.

He could swear Bruce was smirking when he left.

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cookinguptales · 7 years

Note

Okay so weird question, but how exactly did you get diagnosed with POTS? I was diagnosed with hypermobility syndrome and partial arrhythmia a while ago, and it's only just recently that I've had a doc wonder if I have POTS. He didn't really tell me anything about POTS, and now I'm really lost! Do you think it's unlikely that I could get to be 21 and not be diagnosed?

Strap in, friend, because the story of how I got diagnosed is long and unpleasant.

So to start off, here’s a basic explanation of Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome. It’s a syndrome, which means that it is a description of a collection of symptoms rather than an underlying cause. Frankly, doctors aren’t super sure why any of this happens, what exactly causes it, or even if it’s genetic or what. (But my mom, sister, and grandmother all show signs of mild POTS, so uh. It’s probably genetic.) The long and short of it, though, is that your blood vessels are supposed to automatically tighten or release in order to control blood flow. When you stand up, they tighten to counteract gravity and make sure blood stays where it should be. When you have POTS, your blood vessels don’t do what they’re supposed to do. Your autonomic nervous system stops controlling this tightening and loosening process, which means your blood flow is not being adequately controlled. (Also, there seems to be some research showing that #1, we tend to have more elastic blood vessels, which means they just expand when they fill up more – bad because that means your body can’t use blood pressure to regulate blood flow, either, and #2, we may not always have enough blood in our bodies to fill our blood vessels, so again, shitty blood pressure.) ANYWAY, what all this means in practice is that assorted parts of your body aren’t getting enough blood, or they’re getting too much blood. Blood does all sorts of important things for your organs, especially oxygenating them, so this really means that POTS is an “anything that can go wrong will go wrong” situation. Anything in your body that uses blood can go haywire at any time. And sorry to say, that’s everything.

Now, POTS is highly variable. Again, it’s a loose collection of symptoms, and those symptoms are different for literally every patient. POTS is actually super common in teenage girls, but it tends to be very mild and some teens (mostly boys, mind) completely grow out of it, so people often don’t even notice they have it. People only just started researching it and it’s still not talked about much, which, well, is probably due to sexism. I learned the hard way that teenage girls are not generally listened to when they complain about nebulous symptoms, especially if those symptoms have literally anything to do with hormones and menstruation. (Which POTS does. It’s…I think ¾ of all people who have it are biologically female, and onset usually accompanies periods of hormone fluctuation such as start of menstruation, childbirth, or start of menopause. Most sufferers get it in their teens when they start getting their period.) Like… It’s hard to really put this in a gender neutral way because I promise you, the reason doctors are shitty about POTS is tied to both the biological and societal effects of being female. That’s an aside though.

Anyway, tl;dr, it’s different for everyone and doctors think you’re nuts. When I was diagnosed, in the informational packet literally said “THIS IS NOT ALL IN YOUR HEAD” because so many patients have been repeatedly told that. For me, I was actually uh. I don’t want to say lucky? But in some ways I guess, yeah, lucky. I have a really bad case of POTS with some really severe symptoms. I have a lot of digestion problems, extreme exhaustion problems, dizziness, faintness, anxiety/depression, pooling/tingling/coldness in extremities, and here’s the biggie – blindness. When I stand up, I often just straight-up go blind. (Or if I’m just sitting there doing fucking nothing if I’m on an airplane.) It was really bad especially when I was a teenager. It used to be like literally every fucking time I stood up. (We later found out it was because all the blood was draining out of my head bc gravity. Turns out your brain likes blood! This is also why it hurts so much.) Now, doctors ignored most of what I told them about exhaustion, trouble keeping down food, aches and pains, etc. I was repeatedly told “oh, well, that’s just part of being a teenage girl”. Like honestly, try telling someone that you have exhaustion, pain, and nausea relating to a period and see how seriously you get taken. Jesus.

BUT UH THEY COULD NOT IGNORE THE BLINDNESS. Like I don’t care how teenage girl-y you are, it is not normal to go blind on the regular! My doctors could not figure out what the hell was happening. And I do mean doctors. I got POTS when I was around 10, along with my period. I was diagnosed when I was almost 18. In the meantime, I was passed around between dozens of doctors and honestly? I was a guinea pig. They didn’t know what was wrong with me so I was subjected to constant barrage of tests and treatments that made me a hell of a lot sicker. I was going to like 3 different doctors a week, sometimes every day. There are very few medical tests I have not had at least once. Some of the treatments they tried, I later learned, carried a strong risk of addiction, permanent neurological damage, and death. I was a drugged-out mess trying to drag myself through 15 flavors of physical therapy every day. Like uh. In short, my teenage years weren’t…good…

I finally got referred to like my sixth neurologist, and the guy was like “okay, you have been passed around between neurologists, cardiologists, ENTs, sleep disorder specialists, etc. for YEARS and we don’t know what’s wrong, so it makes no sense to keep ‘treating’ you – so I’m gonna take some readings and send them (and you) to a research hospital”. And that’s what he did! He took me off all of my medications (leading to the kind of DTs that honestly possibly could have killed me; I researched a few of the medications later and let’s just say you’re not supposed to go off them cold turkey) and did some tests. He found out some stuff like my blood pressure moves around a lot when I stand up. And sometimes my blood pressure was as low as 60/40. (Yo, that’s almost dead. The nurse took the reading three times with two different machines bc she was freaking out, lmao.) So he referred me to Mayo Clinic.

Now, what I did not know before this was that Mayo was actually the clinic that had discovered (and still researched) POTS! They saw a lot of girls like me. They took some blood, did a few tests, and when I had my appointment with them, they knew in under a half hour that I had POTS. I…cried. A lot. haha. It was so bizarre how many things in my life were actually an indicator of POTS. They were like “do you often sit all folded up?” and I basically exclusively do – and often got in trouble for it in school – and they were like “yeah, that’s POTS, you unconsciously try to keep all your limbs tucked in to reduce how far your blood needs to go”. Which is, I guess, why I tend to lose sensation in my legs and/or have my feet turn purple when I sit in normal chairs. lol. “Do you ever get dizzy or black out when you stretch or yawn?” oh yeah. “Do you get really sick when you take hot showers?” almost died once or twice, check! “Do you get weak when you lift things above your head?” you betcha. “Do you have a lot of problems with heat and sunlight?” OH YES I DO. Living in Florida was hell. I’d be vomiting and unable to stand up after like 30 minutes outside in the summer. I still vomit and get migraines if I look at a sunset, when the sun is strongest. Sensory sensitivity, especially photosensitivity, is a thing with POTS.

The actual diagnosis of POTS is kind of difficult. They usually have to do a ton of tests to rule everything else out first. Then they’ll usually try a tilt-table test (they tilt ya and measure your heart rate to see if your heartbeat skyrockets to help battle your blood doing weird shit) or a sweat test (which I am told is supposed to be painless but was one of the most painful experiences of my life so maybe it was a POTS thing) or look at your pee and see if you’re hella dehydrated. If you have POTS, you’re pretty much always hella dehydrated. (Gross but important: a symptom I never mentioned bc I didn’t know how abnormal it was – it burned like HELL when I peed. Turns out I was grossly, dangerously dehydrated. My urine was so concentrated that it was literally burning my urethra. idk how this slipped by so many doctors, but drink some dang water!) So it’s really a combination of tests for diagnosis, and they have to know to look for it in the first place! More and more doctors know about POTS now, but when I was first diagnosed almost a decade ago (this February! :’) when I went to college none of the school doctors knew about it. My family doctor didn’t know. None of my specialists knew about it. They wouldn’t give me student vaccinations bc they didn’t know how they’d interact with my brain. lol. It’s better now, though! I recently got a new doctor when I left my school’s health system, and she knew what POTS was! I was so happy, haha. Once I had a doctor literally google it right in front of me, so it was uh. A welcome change.

All this is to say that getting POTS diagnosed can be hell!! And I could definitely buy that you’re 21 and haven’t yet been diagnosed, especially if you’re female. My recommendation is this: the main treatment for POTS is diet and exercise, and that can’t hurt even if you don’t have POTS. I shit you not. There’s no cure or anything, but you are supposed to drink A LOT of water (I drink over a gallon a day, and that’s on days I’m not dealing with the sun) and eat a LOT of salt (”as much as you can stand” was their exact wording) and wear compression clothing (spanx and compression socks help me) and try to keep your body as toned as possible. It’s really easy to get out of shape when you have POTS (god knows I did), but they recommend trying to keep your blood moving. (THOUGH, CAVEAT!! I put on a lot of weight since I got diagnosed, and I have to admit. It’s gotten my blood pressure to a healthier level. So idrk what to make of that.)

I’m not gonna tell you to start eating massive amounts of salt when I don’t know your body, but drinking water can’t hurt you. So if you suspect that you may have POTS, start drinking water. This is not a replacement for a treatment plan, but it can’t hurt you! It can only help! So while you’re working with your doctor, just drink a lot of water and see if it helps you feel better. It is like night and fucking day with me.

Finally, POTS has a high comorbidity rate with other issues. In other words, if you have a severe case of POTS, you probably don’t only have POTS. A common illness to have with POTS is EDS, or Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. It’s a type of hypermobility, which may be why your doctor is concerned. (I don’t have EDS, probably, but I do have some pain/movement issues that they’ve never been able to pin down, so there’s probably…something. idk.)

Here’s my advice. Work with your doctor to try and figure things out. Drink water. Make sure you have a good doctor whom you trust. Even after I got diagnosed, I regularly got medical professionals who believed this shit was all in my head. And try not to worry. Like I said, for most people who have it, POTS is extremely mild. If you change your lifestyle, you might not see many symptoms at all, and if you do, well. Work with that trusted doctor. Hit me up. I know a lot of ways to get a lot of salt in your body. lol

#long post #replies

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emetoandotherthings · 7 years

Note

Blake, Jack, and Lindsay get their vaccines at school. Before they go in Jack takes the mick of all the people who are stressing out about it, but guess who's the one who throws up and passes out after the needle goes in?

A/N: This prompt has literally been in my inbox for an age and I’ve finally gotten round to write it! I really enjoyed writing teenage Jack, so I hope you enjoy reading it! :)

“OhJesus look at Megan’s face!” Jack pointed across the assembly hall area to agirl who was being propped into a chair. “Wow, I never thought she’d be one togo all blotchy like that! Look, look!” He nudged Lindsey and Blake, stillpointing across to the girl, whose blonde hair was straggling down the side ofher face and was crying noisily. “What an actual wuss!”

“Stopbeing such a wanker Jack!” Lindsey shoved the hand that he was pointing withdown to his side, aware that the others from their class around them werefollowing the line of where he was indicating.

“What?!”Jack chuckled rather maliciously as he watched yet another girl, whose name hedidn’t know, being helped out of a cubicle and into the quiet seated area nearMegan. “It’s just an injection… It’s not like they’ve had their arm cut off oranything!”

“Benice,” Blake muttered, fumbling with the slip of paper in his hand over toconfirm his identity.

“Ohdon’t tell me you’re gonna freak out about this…” Jack turned to look at Blake.

“No!”Blake refuted a little too quickly, but he looked a little nervous at the sametime.

“Really?”Jack had raised an eyebrows at his best mate, and his gaze was so intense thatBlake had to look away.

“Shutup…” He mumbled, tapping his fingers on his knees repetitively. “It’s just thethought isn’t it?”

“Whatthought?” Jack asked obliviously, with a small snort.

“Itdoesn’t matter…” Blake said, shrugging his shoulders.

“Atleast we get to miss German though, eh?” Lindsey interrupted, clearly trying tochange the topic, but Jack had resumed his staring back down at Megan and theother girl who were being plied with water by the nurse looking after them.

“That’strue…” Jack wiggled around on his chair, his eyes still focused on the girls inthe corner. “You would have thought they’d be better organised though! Like ourwhole class has been here since the start of this period, but only twelve of ushave been called!”

“They’redoing their best…” Blake mumbled, his leg beginning to jiggle up and down likehe was resting it on a nerve.

Theywere interrupted by one of the nurses calling the next batch of names, one ofthem was Lindsey. She rose swiftly and said: “I’ll see you in a bit.”

Theywatched as she descended the stairs from the tiered seats, down to where theindividual makeshift cubicles had been set up. Blake was still clutching at theslip of paper in his hand.

“Yousure you’re not gonna freak out?” Jack repeated, a slightly wicked grin on hisface.

“I’llbe fine,” Blake replied curtly. “I’m just annoyed cause I could be practicing.This is a total waste of time.”

“There’sa piano over there,” Jack pointed across to the grand piano in the corner ofthe hall. “You could serenade us all if you wanted?”

“Nothanks…” Blake replied dryly. “I just wish they’d hurry up!”

“Wellthe longer we’re here the more classes we miss!” Jack had about turned, and wasnow not complaining about the wait. He watched again as Megan was helped out ofher chair by the nurse, her face had resumed its normal colour. He was so busywatching her that he didn’t notice anything else until Blake nudged him hard inthe side. When he looked around Blake was on his feet, staring down at him.

“Comeon,” he said impatiently. “We’ve been called…”

“Oh!”Jack got to his feet behind Blake and followed him down the stairs and wasdirected towards one of the cubicles.

Ashe rounded the curtain of the cubicle he had to go to, he came face to facewith an attractive young red head, who held her hand out for the crumpled slipthat he’d shoved into his pocket. She took it with a disapproving look on herface, spreading it out onto her table and then indicated the seat.

“Graba seat,” she scribbled something onto Jack’s bit of paper, then stamped it witha date stamp. “Right Jack, so you just need the 3-in-1, so that’s Diptheria,Polio and Tetanus, you don’t need the Rubella…” She was rummaging in a cool bagclearly obtaining the vaccine.

“Heywait – why not?” Jack shot, folding his arms across his chest and leaning backlazily in the chair.

“Well,Rubella is given only to girls,” she had withdrawn a box and was pulling on apair of gloves before she prepared the needle.

“That’ssexist!” Jack exclaimed, and the nurse shot him an exasperated glance; clearlydealing with a whole year of teenagers in one day had been trying to herpatience. A wicked thrill of pleasure ran through Jack as she started to prepthe needle with a little more vigour than was probably necessary. It occurred toJack that it probably wasn’t wise to antagonise a person who was about to stabhim with a needle, but he couldn’t help him.

“WellJack, we give Rubella to girls because it can be very dangerous if you’repregnant,” she said dryly, “so unless you’re intending to get pregnant soon, I’mpretty sure you won’t need it.”

“Ah,”Jack grinned widely as she turned to look at him, “I’ll be sure to practicesafe sex and not get up the duff then!”

“Nowwe’ve got that sorted out, what arm am I using?” She asked, holding the needleup.

“Doesit have to be my arm? Sure there’s no where else that you can stick it?” Thewords had left Jack’s mouth before he was consciously aware of even thinking.

“I’llstick it in your mouth if you don’t stop being lippy!” She threatened, puttingher hand on her hip and staring at him. “So – which arm am I using?” Her voicewas firmer as she repeated this.

“Fine– my right,” Jack sighed overdramatically, and began to unbutton his shirt togive her access; he paused as she stood waiting and put on his most scandalisedvoice: "Aren’t you going to give me some privacy?”

Shemake a sound like a sucking of her teeth as she turned her back, rolling hereyes and Jack could tell that she was honestly considering whether it’d beacceptable to hit a pupil. Thinking he’d probably annoyed her enough, he slidhis right sleeve from his shoulder.

“Okay!”He said cheerily, and she turned round still looking like she might shove theneedle up his nose.

“Youmight want to look the other way,” she advised, her voice still hard as shebent next to his exposed upper arm, but Jack let out a derisive snort. “Sharpscratch coming.”

Jackfelt the needle enter his skin and he had to fight against a reactive jerk fromhis body. He swore he could feel the cold liquid in the syringe entering hisarm, and then spread through the rest of his body rapidly. Almost instantly hisheart had begun to pound inside his chest, and a sudden buzzing began in hisears.

“Right,”the nurse said, dropping the used needle into a yellow sharps box on the deskand removed her gloves. “That’s you all done,” she picked up her pen and beganto scrawl something onto the slip of paper that bore his name, “you need to sitin the seats for ten minutes until you’re told you can leave.”

Asshe advised this, the cold sensation had engulfed all of Jack’s body andbrought with it a cold sweat that he could feel on his trembling fingers as hetried to button his shirt back up. He found himself taking a slow deep breaths,and trying extra hard to get rid of the fuzzy buzzing inside his head.

“Jack?”He heard the nurse’s voice from what sounded like very far away, and he lookedup at her; she was frowning at him. “Are you not feeling well?”

“I…”Jack tried to reply, but his voice seemed to have died in his throat, alltraces of his sassy self gone. He regretted opening his mouth as his stomachhad given an almighty lurch, and his mouth was filled with very watery saliva.Breathing through his nose and swallowing rapidly, he leant back against thechair.

“Jack?Tell me how you’re feeling?” She was asking, her voice sharper now, and he felther hand on his shoulder suddenly. Trying to wipe his forehead with his shakinghand so as to remove the damp sticky feeling, he could feel his stomach stillchurning and lurching inside him and he pressed his lips further together. Surethis feeling would soon pass, he was determined to ride it out.

Buta sudden heave sent his body barrelling forward and he placed his hands on hisknees, taking shaky breaths.

“H’gkkkuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrghhh!” Jack’sstomach squeezed suddenly and before he knew it a fountain of sick had pouredfrom his mouth, splattering his trousers, shoes and across the floor. Heinhaled shakily, his mouth sour and still dripping with saliva; he felt anotherfierce convulsion roll up from his gut, and a further mouthful of vomit joinedthat already on the school trousers.

“Jack?”

Someonewas talking to him, but his head was swirling as he closed his eyes so as notto look at the puddle of puke. He felt hot all over now, like the cold had beenignited to fire, but he knew he was still shivering. He felt weak, and his headwas pounding now the residual buzzing faded in and out and then, suddenly,stopped.

“Jack?Jack?” It was a different voice than it had been before, a male voice. Jackfelt like he’d been wrung like a sponge, exhaustion swept through him, but witha jolt he realised that he was already lying down. Very, very slowly, Jackforced himself to open his eyes; and saw Blake and Lindsey peering down at him,looking worried. He was lying on a trolley with his legs elevated slightly.

“Urgh…” Jack let out a low groan but madeno attempt to sit up.

“Takeit easy Jack,” Blake told him, resting his hand gently onto Jack’s shoulder, “youfainted…”

“I– what?” He murmured, feeling his cheeks burn with embarrassment as he closedhis eyes again.

“Thenurses said it’s really common, don’t worry,” Lindsey said, and even with hiseyes shut he could tell she had her ‘I told you so’ face on. “They’ve calledyour folks, one of them is coming to get you, you need to be watched for thenext couple of hours.”

“I’dbe better staying here then…” He mumbled opening his eyes once more. He knewthat whoever it was that came and got him would take him home settle him on thesofa, and then go back to work.

“Atleast you get the rest of the day off…” Lindsey tried to inject a tone ofcheeriness, but Jack simply glared up at her.

“Thisis awful…” Jack admitted honestly.

“Cheerup,” Blake patted Jack gently on the arm, a wry smile on his face. “It was onlyan injection, remember?”

#emeto fiction #emeto #emetophilia #vomiting #dizziness #fainting #puking #needles #needles tw #injections tw #vaccinations #original character fiction #ocs #Jack #Blake #Lindsey #its-a-goddamn-heartbreak

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nidawia · 7 years

Text

Chronically ill.

I'm having a day I can't pretend to be strong. Having a day of breakdown and tears streaming down my face. A day of depression, sadness, anger, self pitying, self hating and exhaustion. Why? Because of my chronic illness. I have IBD. I have ulcerative colitis. I also have a syndrome in which I am more likely to faint, get lightheaded and run out of breath more easily than others due to my blood pressure randomly dropping. Some days I can't even get out of bed due to everything spinning and I'm feeling nauseous. Like, it's REALLY bad. I can't MOVE an inch and I can't have my eyes OPEN if I want to feel somewhat okay. It takes me at least 3-4 hours before I can slightly move around while laying down and have my eyes open. Then my IBD. It's honestly tearing me apart. I don't even know where to begin with this disease. Probably started around 3 years ago. I got diagnosed last year when I was 18 years old. I've been destroyed mentally, physically, socially, emotionally by it. Several times over. Right now I'm refusing to be on any type of hospital medication even if I'm in the middle of having a flare up. Why am I doing that? Because I don't fully believe in the doctors ways anymore. They "treat" your symptoms - more accurately; they hide them. You get addicted to take the medication. They don't try (at least the vast majority of them) to go to the bottom of things what might have CAUSED it. They don't look at the individual. They see the symptoms, they see the medicine for the symptoms and they give it to us. Money, money, money. That's all it's about. I, however, am trying the natural way. I take some "medication" - all natural for us though. Special tea. Vitamins. Liver pills. Etc. and then I'm on an EXTREMELY strict diet. No gluten for a year. No dairy products. No garlic or onions of any kind. No sugar. No citrus fruits or veggies. No soy. The list goes on and on. I have the most boring ass diet. But, two weeks ago I can tell y'all that I haven't felt so normal in over 3 years. No pain, no blood, no gas or weird noises from my bowel, lots of ENERGY, and I was genuinely happy to actually feel normal. I had forgotten what it felt like. Now, though... I'm having a setback. And I need to rant about it. Short backstory though: I should not have either IBD or my syndrome concerning my blood pressure. They've been triggered by a vaccine I got 3-4 years ago. All my problems started after that. They didn't tell us that people that have an asthmatic parent, they're immune system aren't as strong against the side effects of the vaccine. And guess what? My dad is an asthmatic! And what are one of the things I've gotten? An autoimmune disease! Coincidence? I think the hell not. However, somehow, I've been blessed to have a partner that loves me and supports me and wants to be with me for the rest of his life. We met online and we've met and been together in real life as well. We've known each other for like 10 months and he's absolutely amazing and I love him. But I'm so afraid of holding him back in life due to my fucked up condition. I don't want to do that to him. I want him to be happy. But selfishly I also want him all to myself. Moving on, today I've been so sad. And I'm gonna just copy paste a rant I gave a friend of mine: Even if this setback is hella much smaller than what I've suffered from before, it didn't stop me from having a breakdown. Something I actually haven't had for a very long time But I couldn't stop it today. I've lost my energy, I just feel completely drained. I want to sleep, but can't. I wanna do so many things, but I can't. I blame my sickness but then I inevitably, like all other times, blame myself. I really hate this though. Like I've said so many times before. But I can't help but let all negativity slip back into my mind. I hate the fact that I'll never be normal. Ever. Hate that I've become a victim to a CHRONIC illness I shouldn't even have. It's CHRONIC. I'll never ever heal from it. I may think I do, I may work towards it and I may hope to be "the one that got cured from an incurable disease", but it'll never happen. I can never be fully cured. I can never be fully normal ever again. My life is bound and restricted to my illness. I have days, like this one, that I succumb to my dark thoughts. Become depressed, sad, angry, exhausted of the fight and just lay in my bed crying all day. Start hating myself for being weak. For being a crybaby. I'm in a constant battle between "no, I'm not gonna let this stupid shit control my life, I'm gonna live it to the fullest and do whatever I want" and "I just wanna give up the fight. Take all medication from the hospital, destroy my body further. Shut the world out and be done with it." I lose myself. Can't stop the tears from rolling down. I'm living in constant fear and tension. My body can fuck up at any time. It has done that soooo much in the past. Destroyed me inside and out. I hate myself. Being weak. Ugly. Negative. Scared. Not confident. Closed off. Not easy to like or get along with. Not funny. Not smart. Nothing, really. I don't even know what my fiancé sees in me. I've been so scared to get close to anyone, to let anyone in. There's been so many reasons for me to avoid a romantic relationship. Been reasons to keep everyone on a distance. Reasons no one will truly understand if they aren't in the same position as I am. But I love him more than anything and more than I've loved anyone else. We complement and complete each other but I can't help to feel that I should, in fact, push him away... I love him so much and I just want him to be truly happy and live his life to the fullest, exactly the way he wants it with no regrets. I feel like... like I'll only hold him back. I don't want him to have to be tied to me and my never ending problems, the restrictions on my life. I don't want him to miss out on anything... on all the things that someone else could give to him. I don't want him to ever have to regret anything due to me holding him back. He's beyond amazing and supportive of my situation, but I cant help but think about all of this. He's the only one I can see myself loving for the rest of my life,and ofc he loves me too and feels the same in that way cuz otherwise he would've never proposed to me but... if he could be happier with someone else... I don't want him to miss out on it. That's how much I love him. I'd be prepared to let him go, even if my whole body and mind screams the opposite and it'll tear me apart every single day and be worse of a pain than anything else I've ever been through - I'd let him go if it meant for him to be the happiest he could possibly be I can't stop thinking about it. Can't stop thinking that maybe I'm just being selfish... I don't know. I feel like I don't know anything anymore. One wrong step and it all comes back like a slap to the face with a brick. That's what has happened. I've felt great, better than I've felt for over THREE FREAKING YEARS, took one wrong step and now I'm bleeding and in pain again I'm so goddamn sick of this So sick of wanting to actually fight it and live life but as soon as I stand up everything goes black. Or I'm in so much pain I can't even get out of bed. This sucks so much. *** Also, my setback is due to me trying eating chicken again and my body reacting to it. Since I've been stable for almost a month with no bleeding or pain in trying to expand my diet, which didn't work too well this time. My current diet consists of this: Oatmeal with oat milk. Sweet potatoes, normal potatoes (need to be boiled and then used the day after) Mango, bananas, pears, watermelon, blueberries, raspberries, avocado Parsley Salmon, white fish Asparagus, carrots (needs to be cooked so they soften up and are easy for the digestive system) Almond milk Max 3 eggs every other day and they have to be runny Maple syrup, honey "Clean herbs" - I have to season everything myself cuz I need to know EXACTLY what's in my food. Everything needs to be organic and of good quality. The only dairy product I'm allowed to use is real organic butter. Olive oil in only allowed to use cold and drizzle on top of things. So yeah. I get really depressed about the insane restrictions on my food, too. Can never go out and enjoy restaurants and probably never will be able to either... there's so much more I want to say and rant about but this is long enough. If anyone would ever read it all.... thank you for hearing me out.

#ibd #ibd problems #ulceration #irritable bowel disease #chronic illness

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