fearoftetra

[fearoftetra]

She grew up knowing not of her fate, Simply staring, Praying and praying. She knew not of the world Locked away in her corner, Dreaming and dreaming. Naivety never lost, nor gained, Hopes never stolen, nor made Wanting for nothing, Learning nothing. That was her bliss, in fact, That was her happiness.

Souson

#neglected #broken #yet never aware #the thing is that no one ever realizes the value in being unknowing #ignorance is bliss #at least as they say #but #theyre actually right #because sometimes #knowing things is a thousand times better than never hearing them at all

[fearoftetra]

She dreamt of a time where Night turned into day, Where she could return back to Earth, Back from the endless pit That was sleep.

Souson

#fear #dreams #night terrors #sleep paralysis #it is 3am #as in #it is 3 in the morning #and i am so tired #yet also scared to pieces to go to bed #I usually only get episodes twice a week at most #this week Ive had one for every night #every #night #i feel terrified #i feel so alone #and #i feel miserable

[fearoftetra]

My thoughts and fears exactly.

The worst part about sleep paralysis and night terrors is not wanting to sleep so you don’t experience another one, but also knowing that if you don’t sleep it induces the occurrence and can make it worse.

#it is 3 am #and I really dont want to go to bed #Ive been having more frequent occurrences lately and its really making me miserable and scared when night falls #sleep #want #badly #but at the same time Id really rather not have to say hello to the Shadow today

[fearoftetra]

A Crippled Awakening (unfinishe-

I am floating. I am aware, but not. Lost in this dream I am, deception of the mind at play.

But then I wake, yet I remain trapped, stuck in this state of nothing. I'm scared.

I feel my lungs, My neck, My very breath, Being crushed.

I want to scream.

But I am unable.

My voice has vanished, As well as my control, Off into the creeping shadows of the night.

I gasp and shudder, Thoughts racing as my pulse roars. I remain trapped, Forced into nothingness. I'm scared.

My hands gain freedom,

and slowly but surely I crack the barrier of insanity.

Apparently I wrote this on April 27th, 2016.

I don’t remember doing that, in fact, I most likely can’t remember doing that.

It’s approximately 3 am where I am as of current, and I have no clue what the fuck spurred on me breathing life into this unposted draft, but I’ll roll with it.

I’ve regularly experienced bouts of sleep paralysis for...god, 9 years. That was the first time I’ve ever tried to gauge just how long my sleep has been plagued by these damned...well no one needs to know just what apparations I envision in this head of mine.

Thankfully for the past year or so (perhaps 9 months? the repetition of that number is beginning to make me grow paranoid) the amount of times I’ve experienced it in a week has dwindled down.

But now, I experience night terrors instead.

To think that someone nearing adulthood could experience clinical night terrors, I think to myself “perhaps someone out there just doesn’t want me to sleep. ever.”

I think that they’re right.

I remember when I was younger, I would often unabashedly say to my friends, “please let me sleep, for an eternity.”.

Ahahaha, thank god we were all young and naive, else I’d have been reported and put god knows where.

Although that would have been for the better, to be honest.

The fact that I decided to post an unfinished work and post this meaningless ramble most likely means that I feel like an unworthy fuck again.

This is my own fault.

Pointless ramble that only means things to me: done

Level of cramped thoughts in head: lower

*cue jubilant noises*

*returns to silent brooding*

Edit: It is now 11:14 pm on the same day that I wrote this up, and can I just say that WOW I WAS OUT OF IT because I did NOT remember writing this stuff up. I must say that I seem to get rather blunt and angsty when I get overloaded with thought. 

The funny thing is that the only reason I realized I had posted this was because I got an email notification that this blog is officially a year old. I can’t decide if the fact that the day I returned to this blog was its birthday is a serendipitous or ominous turnout. 

#sleep paralysis #night terror #mental health #myriad of issues I wont delve into #fear #attempt at self therapy #again #edit: rambling actually made me feel better

[fearoftetra]

deep breaths.

[fearoftetra]

It’s loud, frantic, sickening. My heart is moving much too fast, My mouth going much too slow, And my mind has altogether just stopped. Is this what it’s like to feel nothing? Have I just been shocked, or horrified? Whatever this is, It’s much too Loud.

-Souson

#reaction #quotes #bleh #argh #election 2016 #wtf #i'm stressed #oh dear

[fearoftetra]

You can smile, you can laugh, you can dream. I sit here, watching. You can gossip, you can sing, you can rejoice. I sit here, watching. You can do everything. I do nothing. You can be who you want to be. I am who I was made to be. You are free. I am me.

Souson

#thoughts #why am i like this #words #stress relief

[fearoftetra]

I find myself wandering in my thoughts, and I wonder who will be the one to pull me out of this void of dreams.

Souson

#daydreams #lost in thought #lost in general #out of focus #quote #random

[fearoftetra]

They laugh and whisper, Their glances picking away at the remnants of my soul. I feel withered and drained. My life amounting to nothing but dust.

Souson

#anxiety #meds aren't working #out of control #so tired #thoughts

[fearoftetra]

I see red, Faded, Dark, I see red, and it sees me.

Souson

#I'm looking at the wall #and it's mocking me #talking to myself #the endless void #mind talk #random #quote

[fearoftetra]

I see white cords round my wrist, remnants of pain and despair, yet so light and freeing, for they have taken the weight of the heavy red shackles that I had once worn.

SouSon

#old scars #old wounds #old me #nostalgia #need to let go of the past #but i cant #depression

[fearoftetra]

Me: *is scrolling through dash, happily queueing away and making attempted reblogs of wit*

Me: *sees new activity, swipes over to see the unfortunate soul who stumbled onto my life*

Me: *suddenly sees name of sideblog instead of main*

Me: "DAMN IT THUMB WHY CAN'T YOU DO YOUR JOB AND CLICK THE RIGHT ACCOUNT TAB!?"

~a minute later~

Me: *calms self*

Me: *sees queue*

Queue: "There's only 65 signs of your failure left to be broadcast on the internet!"

Me: "...kill me now."

~some time later~ (yes there's more)

Me: "I'll just delete all the posts once the queue cycle finishes, but I might as well check and see if any more posts crawled past me."

My homepage: *insert column of roughly 34-37 posts*

Me: "............" *facedesks*

[fearoftetra]

Fear is suffocating, it's bonds of pain scattered throughout my fractured psyche,  and so here I lay,  trapped within my broken spirit.

Souson

#frustration #why am i like this #trying #random #quote #i think #souson

[fearoftetra]

Tfw you’re on sideblog and you start reblogging trash posts from the feed and you go back to your page and go FRICK *rapidly deletes* Gotta maintain that aethestic. Also wow run-on much. XD

#relatable #i think #please tell me i'm not the only one #everyday mistakes #sideblog problems

[fearoftetra]

When a child is born, there is much joy, So much that love bursts forth from the heart. When a monster is born, there is much hatred, With disgust forming within the mind. When a child becomes a monster, there is much sorrow, And the soul is slowly frozen as the pain flows on.

SouSon

#love or hate #human or monster #humanity #depravity #what am i #i don't know #souson #random #quote

[fearoftetra]

encouragement is nice but not useful

Encouraging friend: Go forth and prosper

Me: Watch me fail and cry

#encouragement #but not really #i wish it were that easy #but its not #reality #cynic #souson