feelingthatcantbenamed

[feelingthatcantbenamed]

gwendolyn brooks / milsae / richard siken / mario miranda / ross gay / jacob van loop

#writing #poetry #prose #illustration #art #love #living well #being human #ada limón #louise gluck #vladimir nabokov #richard siken #q

[feelingthatcantbenamed]

the meaning of life is summed up in the story elmer bendiner tells about how when he was a pilot the second world war, his plane was hit with a barrage of anti-aircraft fire from the nazi forces but the crew survived. and how everyone was saying it was a miracle until they investigated the shells that got in the fuselage and found there was no explosive charges in any of them. in one they found a note scribbled in czech, written by the person who had been forced to manufacture the shells, and it just said ‘this is all we can do for you now’.

#people being human #kindness #harm reduction #the complexity and mess of living #i'm thinking about this #elmer bendiner #wwii #q

[feelingthatcantbenamed]

“To love someone else is easy, but to love what you are, the thing that is yourself, is just as if you were embracing a glowing, red-hot iron; it burns into you and that is very painful. Therefore, to love somebody else in the first place is always an escape which we all hope for, and we all enjoy it when we are capable of it. But in the long run, it comes back on us. You cannot stay away from yourself forever. You have to return, have to come to that experiment, to know whether you really can love. That is the question - whether you can love yourself. And that will be the test.”

— Carl Jung (b. 26 July 1875)

#quote #carl jung #love #self-love #self compassion #thinking about this like whenever I'm chilling and I get hit with that thought and question #do i love myself? no #do i have myself? no #the answer is somewhere in between. I care about myself. and that starting point will have to be enough for now. #q

[feelingthatcantbenamed]

when i was a teenager it felt very revolutionary to be cruel to myself. like some kind of slow passive protest against how much everything hurt. i starved myself of sleep and food and tenderness because it felt right. it felt sharp and angry and radical and i wanted to be those things. adulthood is the realisation that the world is already working to cut into you well before you learn how to do it yourself. caring for yourself and others is the real protest

#care #self-care #love #self-love #living well #a protest against the cruelty of the world #q

[feelingthatcantbenamed]

the biggest lesson im learning is that nothing is as extreme or as permanent as our emotions convince us they are. nothing is certain and things are always fluctuating and there are always exceptions and there are always mistakes. there is always pain and there is always love. everything is a delicate touch away from changing

#care #mental wellbeing #living well #love #emotions #this is so grounded. gentle. hopeful. #q

[feelingthatcantbenamed]

Garden sales have been absolutely wild here (mid-sized city in the Canadian prairies). In 2020 my main supplier smashed their previous record for mail orders by 300%. In late January this year they had *15,000* more orders than they'd had at the same time last year. Currently they've suspended phone orders, instituted a daily quota on online orders and are frantically hiring more full-time warehouse staff.

oh man, this is fascinating to hear; cool because of how notoriously hard greenhouses are to keep afloat financially, and fascinating from a garden industry perspective.

for those not acquainted with the really interesting world of garden and flower industries, most (ornamental flower) greenhouse and florist sales in recent years come from valentines’ day and mothers’ day alone, as opposed to several decades ago where flowers (in floral arrangements at least) were considered a thing you got on a regular basis without any special occasion needed. the turnover rate for retailers selling flowers for planting in gardens is really high unless you’re a big chain that sells flowers/florist services on the side, or you expand to include garden equipment, landscaping, houseplants, etc (my fave book on the flower industry and how this all goes down is called Flower Confidential by Amy Stewart, for anyone interested).

that aside, this feels like the other side of a new york times article i saw last month called We’re Saying it with Flowers. Loudly and Repeatedly, by Carly Lewis (which to be fair is specifically about florists, not greenhouse or houseplant sales; i’d assume gardening is way up too for similar reasons, though). it was really conflicting for me to read, because like...it’s a horrifying set of circumstances where this huge influx is happening, but it’s happening for really human reasons. excerpts for those who dont have access, although the whole article is really cool:

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Three weeks ago, Julia Gray, a florist, delivered a bright bouquet of flowers to a customer in Queens — spring colors, by request. Judging by the accompanying card, which the sender had carefully dictated to Ms. Gray by telephone, a familial falling out had taken place. The flowers were sent as an apology.

“It was this young woman, sending flowers to her aunt,” Ms. Gray said. “She hadn’t seen her family for a year and a half.” When Ms. Gray told the recipient the flowers were from her niece, her face lit up. “People are realizing that time is of the essence,” Ms. Gray said. “You can’t hold a grudge.”

[...]

Spending the past 11 months in various states of lockdown has inspired many a soul-searching expedition. It’s been a period of perhaps involuntary rumination, during which many people have had no choice but to be alone with their thoughts. And when those thoughts sometimes become softhearted mea culpas, florists get the call.

[...]

Mr. Harkins estimates that his business is up 50 percent compared with this time last year. “My father told me when I was a young man that the flower business is recession proof,” he said. “He started during the second dip of the Great Depression in 1937. He said, ‘When things really get bad, a guy can’t go out and buy his wife a new car or a mink coat, but he can buy a dozen red roses and feel like a big shot.’ It’s kind of a denial of the hard times. That’s where the florist steps in.”

According to a recent survey conducted by the Society of American Florists, over 80 percent of respondents reported an increase in holiday sales compared to 2019. In January, 1-800-Flowers, a leading e-commerce retailer, announced what it said was the company’s highest quarterly revenue and profit in history, with a total net revenue of $877.3 million, an increase of 44.8 percent compared with the same quarter last year. Chris McCann, the president and C.E.O., estimated that approximately 22 million stems, including about 14 million roses, were delivered by the company for Valentine’s Day.

[...]

“It’s wrenching to know that the reason someone is sending flowers is because otherwise they’d be there in person,” said Whit McClure, who runs the floral design studio Whit Hazen in Los Angeles. “I get choked up thinking about that.” Ms. McClure also noted that, given the staggering number of Covid-19-related deaths in Los Angeles, she has been receiving a significant increase in condolence and sympathy orders.

[...]

“We’re getting more deliveries just to say hello and check in,” Ms. Gray said. “There’s this one couple we just started taking orders from during the pandemic. He lives in Brooklyn and she lives in Queens, she’s taking care of her elderly mother. He sends flowers to her every two weeks — beautiful arrangements, always decadent, gorgeous long-stem roses. Had the pandemic not happened, he could have been seeing her and not sending her flowers. You should see the cards he writes. He is madly in love with her. They actually got in a fight, I think they broke up at one point. But they got back together. He kept sending flowers.”

Emily Scott, who owns Floriconvento Flowers in Harlem, said that customers and florists alike are mindful of exacerbated sensitivities amid the pandemic. “There have been so many deaths, and that is such a touchy subject,” she said. “But whether it’s a death or a great, positive occasion like a new birth, there’s still so much love that needs to be expressed.” As well as less clear emotions: “There’s a lot of nuance that can be acknowledged through flowers.”

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yeah so anyway

#flowers #love #people being human #the complexity and mess of being human #q

[feelingthatcantbenamed]

IN THE DARK TIMES WILL THERE ALSO BE SINGING? YES, THERE WILL ALSO BE SINGING. ABOUT THE DARK TIMES.

(1. @soracities​ 2. sam sax, prayer for the mutilated world 3. joy harjo, perhaps the world ends here 4. rhiannon mcgavin, poll worker + bonus bertolt brecht)

#poetry #prose #writing #the romance and light of living and loving well - no matter the time or age #the small things have to be enough #love #a light in the dark #q

[feelingthatcantbenamed]

a dialogue between the unloved and the loving

neil hilborn // miranda july // @orpheuslament // aaron o’hanlon // natalie wee “least of all” // @fridayiminlovemp3 // maria petrovykh “love me. i am pitch black” // “the seven husbands of evelyn hugo” // sylvia plath “johnny panic & the bible of dreams” // sue zhao // virginia woolf from a letter to katherine mansfield // trista mateer

#literature #writing #prose #poetry #quotes #love #crack my heart open and i'll thank you for it #there is so much here #what is the question? love is the answer #q

[feelingthatcantbenamed]

not to be native on main but like, it’s everyone’s responsibility to steward the land they’re on. like you’re required. if you’re in america the people who own the land aren’t around to steward it so pick up the slack. learn how people cultivated and cared for the land you’re on. if you’re an animist there’s really no excuse. man, i get disabilities and stuff (i’m disabled myself) but you gotta do something. get some native grasses and toss em into your yard. mow your grass a little higher. leave a little strip that’s completely untouched so native wildlife can take residence there. cultivate a relationship with the land you’re on, not only for magical reasons (and you WILL get magical benefits) but also because the earth is deserving of love and respect in itself. 

#land stewardship #environment #model citizens #how-tos #to-dos #q

[feelingthatcantbenamed]

the one problem i have with people my age and younger is that a lot of us do not have hands on hobbies. like i have spoken to so many people my age who go to work, go to school and then fuck around on their phone/computer for hours and then ???????? like no wonder ur depressed and have low confidence in urself. u need to get ur hands on something, feed those dopamine receptors! learn how to play guitar, garden, scrapbook, fucking make model trains. i don’t give a shit, MAKE SOMETHING!!

it feels better than drugs when i finish making a thing—and then show it off or gift it.

and then so people my age say to me ‘well—i can’t draw/paint/knit/etc. like you can. my stuff would be terrible.’ yeah, well duh—a part of developing skill is sucking at something and then practicing it over and over and over again until you suck less. u’ll have a hard time feeling lonely or bored when you can’t stop thinking abt a technique you want to try or something you want to make for someone else. making things has SAVED MY LIFE. it gave me a reason to keep living day after day when i wanted to die.

making things improved my generational relationships (when i worked for the newspaper i would talk to customers abt jamming recipes or cross-stitch, one of my grandmas always gives me pattern books and tell me abt when she knitted things for mom, my other grandma is giving me a wedding quilt that HER grandma gave her 50 years ago because she knows i will appreciate it). it also got me likeminded friends who also make things.

take a ceramics class! pick up water colors, bake cakes! learn to work on cars! make soap. DO SOMETHING THAT DOESN’T INVOLVE STARING AT A SCREEN.

#making #craft #creating #mental wellbeing #to share the joy in the act of creation #beyond surviving the 21st century #q

[feelingthatcantbenamed]

taking care of your mental health is such a rollercoaster. three weeks ago I had a 5-step skincare routine and today I had to work with just having the emotional bandwith to put some of the dishes away. I'm out here in 2021 being like: I am lying in bed aimlessly. I am going for a walk. I am sweeping the floor. I am having a little cry. I am drinking water to rehydrate after my cry. I am doing my best even when it doesn't feel like it.

#personal #mental health #i'm having a bad time but remembering all the other bad times I've had and gotten through #my problems may not always be my fault but they are my responsibility #sometimes things are terrible but you don't have to let them stay terrible

[feelingthatcantbenamed]

武功山wugongshan, pingxiang, jiangxi province

#china #nature #landscape #wugongshan #jiangxi #whoa - the world just opens up and falls away #q

[feelingthatcantbenamed]

Painting from photographs I took during my travel in Scotland

#art #paintings #landscape #green #scotland #god this is gorgeous #how the colours and brushstrokes blend and blur and fold into each other #q

[feelingthatcantbenamed]

You know what?

I am annoying sometimes.

And that’s okay. It’s not the death sentence I was led to believe. People will love me even if I can’t read their signals sometimes. Not understanding is forgivable. I don’t have to hold myself back so I don’t annoy anyone ever.

The people who love me know I get excited. And I am still loved.

#text #relationships #the imperfections of being #love #thoughts from the internet #q

[feelingthatcantbenamed]

Coffee Bar

Kyoto | Japan

ph. Matthew Lud

#photography #matthew lud #kyoto #japan #coffee bar #design #architecture #oh. this sparks joy #i love the materiality of the wood and greenery and earth and stone #q

[feelingthatcantbenamed]

When we are comfortable and inattentive, we run the risk of committing grave injustices absentmindedly.

Chinua Achebe, The Education of a British-Protected Child: Essays  (via exhaled-spirals)

#quote #chinua achebe #the education of a british-protected child: essays #complacency #thoughts from the internet #q

[feelingthatcantbenamed]

i don't wanna love myself like "buy this feel good". i wanna love myself like i made a sandwich for later because i knew i'd be too busy. i wanna love myself like hang on take a breath do you actually like this. i wanna love myself like okay we're gonna set a reminder to get up an brush our teeth. i wanna love myself like - it's okay to say no, it's okay to take that nap, it's okay to go home.

i don't wanna feel sexy like tv. i don't wanna feel sexy like little black dress. i wanna feel sexy like high note during karaoke. like just got done writing 14 pages of poetry. like let me show you this scarf i've been knitting. i wanna feel sexy like hand on the back of the headrest while you parallel park. like did i tell you about that time i saved a baby bird. like don't tell her but i've been sneaking money into her purse.

i don't wanna feel pretty like expensive. like high fashion. like paid to be here. i wanna feel pretty like a bird in a puddle. i wanna feel pretty like streak of dyed hair. i wanna feel pretty like calligraphy, like new leaves, like a skinned knee bleed, like a dog running at full speed. i wanna feel pretty like lying next to you. i wanna feel pretty like the new album just dropped, i wanna feel pretty like a shower, i wanna feel pretty like a stone wall all covered in moss.

i keep saying body neutrality. that feels negative - no bad things, no good things, just body. but i mean - my body is neutral like a flower is neutral like an oil slick is neutral like a day is neutral, too. my body is neutral so a kiss can feel like lightning so a dance can feel like a hula hoop so a walk to get coffee can feel like - god, i'm so happy to just be around you.

my body is a site. not the source of the joy, just where i can find it. i don't wanna love like - finally got my body tight/forced myself through a diet/whatever trend is the current hype. i wanna love myself like - i go to this river and i find gold every time i shift around inside it. i wanna love myself like - i feel sexy because it's sexy to be alive, and laughing. i wanna love myself like - bitch, i could have died, and i didn't, and if that isn't the prettiest almost in the whole world, than i don't know what is.

#inkskinned #poetry #prose #? #again - i must reiterate that I am still unclear on the differences and overlaps #i simply see the writing that sparks joy and i like it #body neutrality #our lives under capitalism #thinking about this. #thoughts from the internet #q