foreveracaliforniadreamer

[foreveracaliforniadreamer]

At this hearing, I stand before my fellow members of The Tortured Poets Department with a summary of my findings. 

Album tonight. 

Fortnight music video tomorrow at 8pm et.

https://taylor.lnk.to/thetorturedpoetsdepartment

[foreveracaliforniadreamer]

There’s some sincerity when it comes to all kinds of news.

Not a lot of context, just local pieces, fickle gossip and hammer headed political views.

And like words to be spoken, the sentence structure forms, but the tone will never be right.

And it will irritate me to know that these thoughts will keep me up all night.

Stay wary of the the time, as it changes faster than we know.

Yesterday seemed like forever, but today is the expectation is ready-set-go.

You’ll never know how it truly felt to feel you disintegrate through holes of the bond we once held so high.

And I’ll never know you felt to watch me vanish through the air like mist in the sky.

Maybe I was the problem, maybe you were too discreet on what you actually wanted.

Heaven knows the hell it is to look for a reason on why we live to be haunted.

And with all the love bombs you’ve dropped, the explosion left more than smoke and marks.

It left me soulless, a disbeliever in waiting, a Roman candle without the without the echo and sparks.

Still pedaling back to where it went wrong only gives life to the questions on why we didn’t last.

Keep your chapter closed, for the season has moved on, and cursing your name isn’t a spell I no longer care to cast.

#poetry #closure #relationships #break up #moving on

[foreveracaliforniadreamer]

For all the time I’ve spent, pondering a hello and goodbye each day.

For every moments passed, If I had ounce of courage, I could maybe come up with something clever to say.

But I’m lifeless when I choke, why waste a second with idle chatter if there’s nothing to show?

And why you walk on, pretending you’re oblivious, that’s an answer I’ll never know.

Maybe the window you look out from is two sided, thinking you’re the only set of eyes that’s there to stare.

When really the glass is an illusion, the inside is just fragile as the out, and our eye contact is more or less game of truth or dare.

Mask your insecurities in vanity, a pretty distraction to the ones who can see.

But I can read you captain, like night from day, your shifting eyes give away that this life isn’t what you wanted it to be.

Call it a witches intuition, call it eromantic delusion, call it a ship lost at sea.

I know better than to set my sights on an ego who’s far more complex than mine.

Maybe it’s the timing, just unexpected reason, an accident declaring how you and I are somehow intertwined.

#poetry #relationships #spiled ink #complicated #er

[foreveracaliforniadreamer]

Tearing through thoughts of you based on a sound

Though physically you’re not present, some how the shape of you is still around.

Like two fires on the same match but separate sides, the only end is flames to meet to incinerate all that remains.

Now comes the after smoke, a pile of ashes, the dust of regret, this shade of gray is now the color of pain.

Given the circumstances, I think we did this right, watching you dancing around the truth as your playing with lies

As I watched, feeling it grow deeper, all that I felt for you turned from empathy to demise.

Now that resentment is here, I have a few things with you that I feel I’d like to share.

Like how you could admit to being a narcissist, how you can speak so freely with a any real feeling to care.

You pulled me in like a riptide, drowning me in your troubled thoughts, left me a without a life vest or any floatation to pull me up.

Yet still I found my own anchor, grabbed it and got on my ship, fired a cannon at you where I knew enough damage would erupt.

Then I sailed away quickly, no second glances or thoughts, I’ll let you fester in your own ruin tonight.

Even after a year has passed, I still get haunted by your sea. But no matter the weather, there’s no storm that would engulf me back in your darkness, for I’ve finally found to be my own light.

#poetry #relationships #spilled thoughts #spiled ink #closure

[foreveracaliforniadreamer]

In my bathroom, hiding out from the world because I can’t unlock the truth with my eyes.

I thought I had it figured out, I’d move swiftly without hearing some remorseful goodbye.

But now here in the September rain, I still feel you ringing in the air.

I thought I could escape smoothly, but I guess it turns out I still care.

You’re not perfect, you’re far from a saint, you’ve painted me black and blue even when you don’t mean to.

Put my pain into perspective, my heart into a tailspin and still every arrow leads back to you.

What’s the hold up? It was only a few minutes not a lifetime, sometimes I feel like I’ve held your hand longer than I should.

I’d break myself into pieces, but your soul couldn’t recognize my intentions are only for the good.

Now I feel my self drifting, yet we’re still intertwined because your light is the only one I come home to at the end of the night

Even when we’re breakable, destructive and manic, these eyes know only you in hindsight.

#poetry #relationships #heartbreak #unrequited love #complicated #poems and poetry #spilled words #spilled thoughts #spilled poetry #spiled ink

[foreveracaliforniadreamer]

Unspoken through fragments of time

Societal norms hanging on thin lines

First off, I apologize for every dagger I’ve tossed

And holding you captive in all my selfish thoughts

The eyes play tricks when your mind feels lost

If not for a second, maybe my sanity will finally allow emotions to finally stop

I wish it was a simple when it comes to feeling’s unrequited

But it changes it’s pattern like a jigsaw, the more you let them linger, the longer you stay blinded.

And it all we be so temporary when the slipper finally fits

All you’ve ever done wanted will appear, the love you always wanted is now at your fingertips

Happiness seems promising but it is never as it appears

Once the thrill of the longing has expired, the picture you painted was only the idea to make up for what you thought you lacked

Suddenly that person becomes real and then wonder if this was all you asked?

Fairytales are nice when they’re stories to be read

But coming to the real world, you’ll find that “prince charming” is better off as a figment of the imagination staying unsaid.

#poetry #relationships #love #heartbreak #complicated #love is complicated #unrequited love #reality #fairy tales #prince charming

[foreveracaliforniadreamer]

And here we thought a few months could erase the time that has passed

But fate said that’s too easy, why let the world be peaceful when there’s nothing more enticing then a crash?

I pretend I don’t see anything but the truth is I see all

I’ve put in the work, did the time, but nothing can keep up this wall.

It’s feels like water sprinkling drops of sincerity for the sake of a sacred place

But it’s our egos pushing our empathy off into outer space.

A lover turned into a stranger, yet the stare still feels so striking

I’m the gone girl who ran when your true intentions came out of hiding

Now all we have left is the conversation of defeat

But I still have so many questions, so many words left, but your atmosphere is no longer a place I dare to retreat.

October laid cold but July is a magnet for heat, we cross paths, troubled thoughts carry us into the next week.

The rush of the feeling is still present, it’s just now when we meet eyes, there are no more words left to speak.

#poetry #relationships #heartbreak #love #ex #acceptance #loss #time

[foreveracaliforniadreamer]

Bridges burning as the walls of this castles come crumbling down

Let all the whispers of the night start echoing, for aching silence can be the loudest sound.

All that is stolen will come to surface and every bleeding memory will have its day to to resurrect from the dark.

Now the evidence is clear, the writing is on the wall, the truth of the matter is no walk in the park.

Every wound left opened, every scream that was silenced, every forbidden thought will creep up into the mind of the uncaught.

Your guilt will carry you, you conscience will eat you, your heart is no longer a safe place for you to rot.

Maybe the voices stay quiet, there’s a trauma when it comes to reliving time that you no longer wanted to live.

But you won’t get away with it so easy, time tells God can only judge, but it’s karma who will meet you when it’s time to be tried for all the wicked you’ve did.

#anger poetry #poetry #assault #me too #not a victim anymore

[foreveracaliforniadreamer]

Creature of the dark, will you be the one to tear me apart?

Fire in the the ground, are you the one to burn me without a sound?

Lost data, broken windows, erased memory to wipe all evidence of all that’s been done.

Go quietly to the next town, you were only here for some fun and run.

Little white liar says the key to success to is innocently forced consent.

Now you turn like a Ferris wheel, lifting and dropping your devotees will’s that you bent.

No devil can hold a torch to the stories you tell of being a valiant,a legend you found in the mirror.

No man can touch you, what women could resist you? You’re the highest on the hill and the hero who’s most inferior.

You seek only companionship in the hopes of obedience and lust.

Monster crawl for if they knew how you operate you be nothing but a wind of dust.

#poetry #relationships #lies #deception #consent #statutory #old men

[foreveracaliforniadreamer]

I always swore to never be my mother’s daughter, someone who breathes off of deceit.

But here I am looking you dead in the eyes, apologizing for not being the person you need.

Four eyes on both sides of a window, one sees while the other hides.

I wish I could mean what I say but I can’t watch you cry.

If I had it in me, I would never keep you in the dark.

But the thought of you forgiving, tears my conscience apart.

I can’t tell you things are fine, that we’re gonna make it today.

All I can do is be honest, tell you truthfully why I can’t stay.

You deserve a pure heart, not an outlaw on the run.

Someone to keep you at peace because I’m only good for causing hurricanes for fun.

I wish I could be the one to hold you down when this life gets tough.

But I grew up in a house of cards, the only thing I know about love that it’s rough.

You’ll go on with time without me, see the world in a new light.

Sleep soundly, not restless wondering what my intentions are at night.

Maybe it’s a change of heart, call it karmadic timing, to save you from the chaos’s that is me.

One day this will all make sense the way it had to end, but I’ll always keep you as my favorite what will never be.

#poetry #love #relationships #heartbreak #sad #almost lover #poem #closure #letting go #heartache #heartbroken #spilled ink

[foreveracaliforniadreamer]

What a miracle to be awake on a night like this

Watch the sky sparkle, hear the crowds chant, a new sense of hope on the abyss.

But I’ll take my resolutions lying down, if I make a promise, it’s one I don’t tend to keep.

New age, new time, there’s nothing like a new start like a new present to not reflect on those feelings that are buried deep.

What a pity, how it all be such a shame when the life that was given can be what’s keeping us this old?

Why waste a good song on a frivolous heartache, no point of crying when tears only leave your face cold.

It’s like swallow your pride, tape up all emotions, this is no time to ask “why me” ? When toasting away all troubles to the past.

But that’s how it goes, that’s how we play pretend, trauma block, speed up the process, so nothing will ever last.

Ands that’s how the world will be, stroke of midnight, all the mistakes will be left in the dark.

But that’s the thing about memories, just because the day changes, no new year will ever erase the damage done to the heart.

#poetry #sad #heartbreak #poem #closure #new year

[foreveracaliforniadreamer]

Please hold all calls, tell the world I’m not present today.

I’m staying in my head, too many thoughts crowding to articulate words to say.

I wish it was simple to turn back time before all the troubles and mistakes.

But even earth has it’s moment to of stillness before the quake.

And down will come the pieces, the gravel will crumble and tumble down.

The glass houses will break, shards of entitlement will hit the ground.

The fear will come out of the dark like night terrors, waking us from our lucid dreams.

Screaming bloody murder as it was a hoax, nothing ever appears as it seems.

Ands that’s the issue with hope, it feels weightless when it begins to start.

But when it unravels, turns out to be a heavier burden on the heart.

And we can envision the life we want

but if time won’t do you any favors.

Then lingers the “ what ifs” to haunt .

A big house on a hill, a billion dollars, lasting companionship, travels abroad, the world to know your name.

See there is a beauty to belief.

But then the shooting star is turns out to be an asteroid, so the only thing left to hold is grief.

So no more city of gold, goodbye to fairytales, given faith every chance just to keep shutting it’s doors.

It’s the dawn of reality, fate is sealed and there’s nothing left of the dreams to explore.

#poetry #heartbreak #sad #confused #anger #hurt #broken hope

[foreveracaliforniadreamer]

Like a stone in the cold, the sensations grows icy as the day go’s.

Magic Hour lend me the ability to channel all the chaos into power.

Because this fever dream is brewing into an entity from beyond.

It will be the night of the one lonely star till the break of dawn.

And time will be so cunning and witty as it tends to seep through the lavender haze.

And all our words will be so enticing but not enough to get us through this maze.

And then comes the wonder, questions that ring through the air like chimes as they’re hit by the wind.

The mystery of the forgotten, the shame that holds us down with it’s pins.

This once clear path has morphed into a turnstile door, the one solid answer is now split into a ominous four.

Now uncertainty drops upon like rain in the northwest.

Is there a road to redemption, a spark to recover or the death of a promise to be laid to rest?

#poetry #relationships #anger #heartbreak #sad #confused #love #hurt #letting go #heartache #closure #moving on

[foreveracaliforniadreamer]

It’s fall out season

And I may have a thought or two to spare

It’s like everyday is a ticking bomb

Only a fool could let out their emotion to share

This day in age is like a fun house, mirrors reflecting all the shapes and sizes of the scars that left us stained

Like a carnival on the go, over the Ferris wheel, around the carousel, lies the egos we hold on until our hands are chafed.

There goes the magic, no light in the candle, no pixie dust for a quick fix.

Just the truth of the conversation, the dammed words that pour on heavy like liquor, brutal and honest all in one mix.

Talks of the illicit, the tales of the two faced wanderers , the ones with no business in dabbling in the afairs of the heart.

Just a bunch of star crossed lovers, empty headed dreamers Who when given the chance,  Will forgo their dignity to play the part.

The role of the beloved, star of the show, The muse, The unchained Melody to the liars art. 

Is the faux blissfulness enough to keep you going, can you take  pseudo devotion this far?

Is it worth The bags that rest under your eyes, the swolleness that drapes them like linen?

Does that make him a man now, watching you Break each step, watching your head implode with the insecurities you shed? 

Does that make him a man now, letting you fall as society it gives him his flowers for getting the upper hand?

Does this make you a man now, a cold hearted carney, ringmaster of the circus, a real  stud to the world by your collection of your fools, professional spinster of manipulation?

No compassion, no remorse , Things that are not in your course for you are a man now.





#poetry #anger #lies #poem #heartbreak #confused #deception

[foreveracaliforniadreamer]

Are we teetering to the edge, dancing to the point of no return?

Can we play this game wisely, is it possible to walk through fire without getting burned?

I’ve avoided this path intentionally, don’t have anymore stitches for new scars.

But now it’s past midnight and it’s only us, the moon, the air and the stars.

Are we deep diving into the abyss, empty handed with only visions to give?

Do we speak too freely, did we speak of promises without the intentions to live?

I’ve sang this song time and time again, I know it’s melody all too well.

Chasing butterflies and magic, till I tripped and down the rabbit hole I fell.

And now I’m crawling my way back up from all the madness, wonderland is no party when the sky starts to break.

So I’ll run till I can’t, rather the world take me from exhaustion not heartache.

But now we’re here and every piece of me wants you to see me exposed and appealing.

But then lies the question, is this merely a moment or is there realness to this feeling?

Words are wasteful if they’re spoken with such hevel, could this be the stairway to heaven or another dance with the devil?

#poetry #relationships #confused #love #heartbreak #questions

[foreveracaliforniadreamer]

For whom it concerns, I’ve held my tounge as long as I could.

I’ve looked in the mirror, trying to find the line between the peace and the good.

It’s always been a toss up between sanity and grace.

In the name of fairness, I’ve held back some scars to save some face.

And now we’re dancing on the line of the spectrum, the hard reality crashes down like a meteor to the ground.

Now the point of the conversation is to play roulette to scream the truth without a sound.

It’s was exhausting to live in a of house cards, attempting to to stay balanced with the world’s eyes.

Now the cards have tumbled, everyone knows how the only smiles were the ones we used to cover up our lies. 

There’s no more hiding, no deceiving, the turmoils finally hit the air.

And now as each of us hang from our own posts, the fire started and trauma is the fashion left to wear.

#poetry #angst #parents #divorce #broken

[foreveracaliforniadreamer]

Giving up you feels like a dagger to my chest.

But I’ve done all I could and your actions prove you could care less.

Where do we run when the one who was besides us leaves you stranded and distraught?

Wanting you to see that I was always rooting for you is the hardest battle I’ve fought.

But I’m turning in my armor, keeping you holy has only covered me in scars.

If I’m not enough, then maybe there’s a reason fate would only led us this far.

I hate the sinking ship of feeling that lingers , turning every minute into questions.

But what I am supposed to do? Continue to let you walk through me with any objections?

I’m not your object, not your sick little habit.

My dignity is worth more then your distraction, could’ve had my heart yesterday but today you’ll never have it.

#poetry #relationships #anger #heartbreak #sad #deception