juice-joi

[juice-joi]

Allow me to explain.

[juice-joi]

Reproach : Repreach : Reprieve

I woke in a daze, dazed on days of mortal suffering. I am doing fine, by the way, in case you were ever wondering. Sickened between methods of vomiting, words gleaned upon stumbling. Through this life, I fight, just to keep all of you from crumbling. "What an existence." he exclaims to nothing lovingly. "Am I just a brain, caged, to keep me from discovery?" He laughs aloud, hoping someone would answer arguing. He sits there, cold silence, unaddressed and continues troubling. "Look at me!" he speaks, absent from views publicly. Am I a fool to want my fair share, this life's gluttony:

I will burn and spit on myself, continue self-destructing me, until you give me what I want, to have you here fucking me.

The sad truth has spoken, I hail the explosion, as a means to an end I have longed to devote in. I keep myself open, the poison has me broken, it's getting harder and harder and harder to focus on ignoring them. The thoughts that bombarder, my heads' beneath the water, I'm lost between making me a martyr and my emotions. I part the seas like Moses, but all the walls keep closin', breathing is a luxury when depression becomes an ocean.

Life for me is stolen, I bend under crushing motions, and wave to people too stupid to ever let these whores win. This wasn't what they hoped in, but sadly, it's what's been given.

Juice J.O.I can't see this life as one that is worth livin'.

Dead.

#poems #poem #rap #raps #writing #depression #gluttony #wasting time #whatever #dead #juice joi

[juice-joi]

Wake Up, Martin. (2)

Fighting against his command, shakes whilst reaching his cup. Still attempting to understand, his thought ends abrupt...

"Martin, Did you know that man?" Asks Alexa, on the other side of the booth.

"No... I can't say I do." Says Martin, sorely confused. "He seemed familiar... though I have no proof." He takes a swig of the cup, though his grip is still loose.

She holds out her hands and grabs on to his. Strengthening his grip as he sips.

"Thank you." He smiles.

Alexa nods. "This whole thing just seems so odd. Why would somebody attack you? What would he want?"

He didn't know how to respond, but the memory still haunts.

Martin recalls what the man said, "I offer release.", repeating the line in his head, he tightens his fist.

"Perhaps some cultist freak..." Spiraling. "...Or or maybe some disgusting thief! Like the ones on T.V., a disease of these streets! How should I know him or his beliefs! Why should I be targeted for his vile misdeeds? How could I..." Crying. "... how could I just sit there and watch him retreat? What would have happened if nobody seen...?"

She squeezes his hand gently.

"...should have stayed asleep." he panders sheepishly.

"Martin."

Immediately looks to his feet. Letting the tears stream off of his cheek.

"It's okay, Martin, you're safe here with me. I can take you back home after you finish your tea."

He shakes away the tears, calmly breathes, finishes his drink before they leave.

Getting into her car, he finally feels at ease...

"Your soul shall be relieved." Says the figure from rooftops peak, overlooking their car pull into the street. Lowering his hood, grinding his teeth.

"It is your destiny, next time we meet."

#rhymes #rhyme #rhyming #poem #poems #writing #short story #story #WakeUpMartin

[juice-joi]

Wake Up, Martin.

“I beg of you... please!” he exclaimed. 

In the back alley, leading to 4th Street and Main, a man cowering on gravel, groveling in the rain. Someone towers over him holding rusted chains. 

“Have you known not any pain? What says to you, what is to gain!?” He shrieks.

The figure speaks. “Ahhh... Another man who is weak. Those that won’t stand, surely weep. May death come quick, you’ll be in peace. This is a gift, my friend, I offer release.” 

The figure raises chains above his head. Martin, our protagonist, believes he is dead and spends his last moments wondering instead, what could have been different had he just stayed in bed. 

This thought holds as light flashes in Martin’s eye. Piercing the veil of the figure’s disguise. Revealing a look of genuine surprise…

“Your life has been spared, this is goodbye.” 

The figure leaps to amazing heights, fleeing into the cover of night. Martin is left pale and white, shocked at the encounter that almost ended his life.

The car door slams. “Martin, Jesus… Are you okay?” Stepping out of the car, Martin’s co-worker, Alexa Rae. Martin nods, though still afraid. She hands him a dry coat, “Let’s get you out of this place.”

#rhymes #writing #Poems #short story #poem #rhyme

[juice-joi]

Word // Peace

Written enough tragedies to know when to quit you. You say the cause: my own, but that clearly wasn't the issue. It's not that I don't miss you, even after what we've been through. I want us to continue, but we're better off friends.

By friends, I mean we smile, talk, laugh and pretend. Maybe it's myself that is getting too far ahead, maybe I forgot to ask what you wanted instead. I don't mean to offend, you know, after YOU left me unread, but it's shit like this that makes it easier to want it all to end.

I just can't play games anymore.

As sure as us back then, before, you were someone that I could adore, and now, not someone I could trust. Before I walk out the door, there's so much we still need to discuss, and though I made an effort, you made it very clear.

- Juice J.O.I am better off if I disappeared.

#poems #rap #poem #raps #poetry #writing #goodbye #relationship #thinking out loud #enough #over it

[juice-joi]

Rouse Gold v.8

When I woke, I was alive.

My worst fear materialized.

Before my eyes, the life I tried so desperately to leave behind.

I cried.

For three whole days.

I recall counting the ways I've attempted.

Wondering if all could have been prevented.

I can't decide.

Usually hide my mind till those feelings subside.

Leaving myself with empty thoughts and broken dreams:

How nothing is how it seems, but one day we could be something.

Wasting so much time on these.

They come and go as they please.

What resonates, as I lose sleep - Death has been a petty tease.

All I crave is sweet release.

The taste of blood between my teeth.

Getting like this, I do crazy things.

Cut me down, cure the disease.

Save my soul, set me free.

Peace.

- Juice J.O.I.

#poems #poem #rap #raps #poetry #writing #feelings #death #depression #sleep deprivation #anxiety #thinking out loud

[juice-joi]

Writing You Again...

It's been over four years and I'm still trying to figure out what I want to say to you. I guess it's because I never talk about it, even though I know I should. Most of the time I get frustrated by the thought of you and though you did nothing wrong... the feeling remains. I can only fix what I can change. Not that you need fixing... wait... oh jeez. That's not what I meant, please don't be mad.

Look, I want to believe that if I get better, that if I find my place, that maybe one day we will find each other again. Though, I think we both know that's not what you want. Had I met you later in life, things would be really different, but I still cherish every moment that we've spent together. How we met still brings a smile to my face. As much as you had given me confidence, it couldn't repair the damage from before. That was something I needed to figure out on my own. I can see that now. I can't help but to think that if I would have tried a little harder to heal that I would still have a chance, but again... that is wrong.

Coming to terms with all this isn't easy. Seeing your picture every once in a while makes my mind wander and my head dizzy with thoughts of us and how I should do more in my life to appeal to the thought of you. Perhaps that is also where I went wrong. Maybe I should ask permission first, but keeping your picture motivates me to do better. If not just for you, for myself to. That there is someone out there that I have put in all this effort for and came out to be the man we both wanted me to be.

Or maybe it was just me.

I still wish you the best in all your endeavors and hope you are in good health. Should I ever hear from you again, I hope to be in good standing too.

One day.

- Jonah

[juice-joi]

Wish you'd come back to haunt me.

[juice-joi]

Hysteria 9:19

Darkness crawls, surrounds my bed.

Softly whispers inside my head.

Never knowing what is being said.

Yet we both wonder why I'm not dead.

Silence creeps into my heart.

Trying to breathe, I fall apart.

Maybe sleeping tonight was not smart.

I'd be going on three since this night's start.

In the corner of the room, a shadow takes shape.

Hoping it has come to seal my fate.

It stands there starring, making me wait.

I scream at it to end me, to release my hate.

Crying under covers, there is no sound.

Every now and then, I'll look around.

Should death come find me, would I be found?

Buried deep in threatening thoughts, instead of the ground.

Exhausting my mind, I am weak.

As the shadow moves closer to my feet.

I care not for the pain I intend to meet.

This is the end. I fall asleep.

- Juice J.O.I.

#poems #rap #poem #raps #poetry #writing #feelings #hate #thinking out loud #depression #death #hystareia #sleep deprivation #sleep disorder #no sleep

[juice-joi]

3:35 - 9 Tries

I've been pretty fucking dumb lately.

No, really, I'm serious.

How I'm acting has me furious, persistent like sickness. Still brilliant, but hideous. Definitely not the prettiest, for the weirdest of periods. My doctors are curious, why am I so oblivious?

Maybe it's experience.

Maybe it's Maybelline™? (You stupid)

Maybe I'm tired of all these extremes, got me acting like I'm fourteen. Making me believe I should be shook on Kids Cuisine, glued to the TV, not stressin' about realities that could never touch me.

Not unlike how I can look, but never touch her. Often forgetting to mention my brother. Mind out of the gutter, blood thicker than water. No need to be bothered by the kitchen getting hotter. When I can’t take the heat, I think of my father. Ashamed I didn't have more to offer.

That's all bridged over the water.

Asking the Lord for paychecks and breaks. Forgiveness for mistakes. I need good to come my way. Before it’s too late…

Forget it, I got all the time in the world, I don't want to power through it. I still can’t help feeling helpless and stupid. Foolish, cruel and useless. So much potential, and nothing to do with…

Can you blame me? I’m only human. I’ve repented my sins. Ate the bread, drank the fluids. What’s left is more room for improvement. Just wish I could get out of the funk first.

Guess that's why I'm a little everywhere in this verse.

That's okay... who really reads this silly shit anyways. Haha

- Juice J.O.I.

#poem #poems #raps #rap #writing #rhymes #rhyme #juice joi #problems #thinking out loud #too much time #wasting time #life #opinion #dumb shit #blah blah blah

[juice-joi]

Enraged v6.9

Can't believe you held me up in a cage.

Made me question why I even came to this place.

I hate change, as much as hate showing my face.

Pain, past down by the blood in my veins.

So I can relate, inside is me, waiting on transitioning states.

"Maybe I am too late "

No. Maybe I can do better.

How about, whatever it takes?

Am I worth all of this effort?

Promised myself I would escape.

Can't keep me suffering fates, put me on display, lecture that I have to behave.

Like I'm some disgrace, with too many mistakes.

Bend me so much, not sure what's real or fake.

But I'm not afraid, I've shown too much restraint. This type of shit isn't something you can erase.

I have replayed, every moment, every sickening exchange, keeping me awake, focused, hungry and straight.

My spirit won't break. Too much is at stake. I'm so far now to be pumping the brakes.

...

Amen.

Juice J.O.I. back at it again.

Just when I thought we could be friends. You poke at the threads, pull tight on loose ends. Makes it hard to pretend, not that I could forget what happened back then.

You wreak everything and pass the check. That wage costs more than an ounce of respect.

You can't expect me to take on your regrets, especially since you haven't even apologized yet.

What's worse, is how much I wish you all of the best.

Maybe not in this life, but I hope for the next.

Praying that you won't test another human with all of your mess.

It's the least you could do, should you choose to repent.

- Juice J O I don't give a fuck.

#poems #rap #poem #poetry #raps #writing #rhymes #i hate people #juice joi #hate #rage #problems #pain

[juice-joi]

Wretched Reach

I didn't know what I had til I held it.

Future shifted, pains persisted, when I felt it.

Spirit slated, desires melted.

If I kept it...

Would they respect it?

It's all a perspective, and I am weak.

The easy way within my reach.

Practically screaming for me to keep.

I could've said nothing.

I could've been complete.

...

I had to remain "heroic" me.

I had to do the right thing.

It didn't matter that I am struggling to make ends meet. How hard I've been working to get back on my feet. Stretching every dollar, and just barely providing food to eat...

I couldn't do it.

And it hurts.

It hurts so bad.

I'm so tired of being this way.

When the opportunity arrived to change everything.

Just appearing out of nowhere and I had to do the right thing. It made me sick. I hate it. I hate being like this.

How am I suppose to feel alright? How am I suppose to go back to normal?

I could've fixed everything.

...

I wouldn't be me.

...

- Juice J.O.I.

#poem #text #whatever #writing #poems #words #juice joi

[juice-joi]

#drawing #drawings #doodles #juice joi #no normal life

[juice-joi]

It Comes From Me

I’m a 17-year-old poser, with a girlfriend that’s out of my league.

The only thing I accomplished in life is in COD, and that I prestige.

I don’t smoke weed, because I couldn’t even find weed, to smoke it.

And everything I’ve done is either half-assed, or in-complete.

I don’t rep the streets, because I wouldn’t know a hood, even if I got shot in one.

Or mugged, leaving a robber disappointed because, money, I offered none.

I know enough religion, to be as knowledgeable as a retarded nun.

With a handicap as bad as Forest Gump, before the bullies made him run.

So tell me son, so tell me son: why does everything have to be so blunt? 

Life’s a drag, they roll it up; take a puff, *inhales*, until it’s done.

I don’t look up enough to notice the direction of the sun.

Nor whether its’ going down because I’m just too busy “having fun”.

I’m about as useless as Batman without his Grappling gun.

But I’ll still be around without seeing the stupid faces of everyone.

The motive is only a fraction of the narcissist that wrote it.

They will never notice, without having forcibly feed you some.

A man among giants, you will be impressed with how far I have come.

Even though, we both know, I’m distasteful as a racist pun.

When good people lose, what happens to the rest of ‘em?

I am no exception; acceptance disdain rebel scum.

I’ll be chewed and spit out like a diluted piece of bubblegum.

Often left to wonder where all of this is coming from.

 It comes from me, it comes from me: 2AM, another night, no sleep.

Wishing frequently, that reaper and I would play for keeps.

But there’s no guarantee that either one of us would cheat.

 ...

Weak.

— Juice J.O.I.

#rap #raps #poems #Love poem #poetry #writing #rhymes #juice joi #life #opinion #perspective #poets on tumblr #whatever #thoughts #negative self talk

[juice-joi]

House of God

I can't deny that I enjoy it. Despite my actions cause corrosion. Calms my mind in times of hopeless. We talk so little, much is unspoken.

One day, I hope that you notice. Today, I know I'm better off broken. The concept of "us" requires no motion. This place is strange, you are the ocean.

Deep to satisfy, all but my heart. Lost in moments fast approaching. Criticizing every thought to start, and yet I'm left not truly knowing.

...

I am but a guiltless feeling. In the House of God, I have no meaning. Torn between existing and being. All shall pass, no use over reaching.

You are but a subtle spark, that kept me once from ever breathing. Under one roof, yet world's apart. I am acquainted with this bleeding.

Pains a product of my misreading. Your kindness has left me conceding. Though, I seem strong, my demons are sleeping.

In the House of God, I have no meaning.

- Juice J.O.I

#poem #poems #rap #raps #poetry #writing #rhymes #juice joi #life #opinion #perspective #poets on tumblr #whatever #thoughts #house of god #misreading

[juice-joi]

Blank Screens

So here is a little further into who I was.

I wrote this so long ago, you know, it began collecting dust.

Whether people like it, they hate it, or it makes them all worry.

It’s okay; I promise, there’s more to this story:

Relapse of time, so you’ll find me in the living room,

Starring at a blank screen, never seeming to really want to move.

Is it my fault that, every night, under the kitchen light, I eat alone?

Till the silence is broken by the ringing of a telephone.

Mom and Dad aren’t home, while I get gone, off to work again.

Only to come back to the same quiet I first left it in.

My youth decays, melts away, and I’ve grown too fast.

As I recollect the disrespect from my past.

Bullied by the history, my misery, a tear is to be shed.

Produced by the absence of a phrase never said.

By a mother who hasn’t tried for me, I love you.

Support less, I’m hopeless, motivated by a father, for when I wrote this,

Would rather watch me break too.

Pieces, all that’s left has formed a single question:

Am I worth this?

Worthless, seems to be all I heard.

When daddy got drunk, he cussed, and I got an ear full of fighting words.

Happy 10th birthday, we fought, I became the embodiment of pain, I pray.

Hoping it’ll reach god to take me away.

Telling me to take to the stage, with what I say, will find me a better life.

Try to sleep tonight, dream of your two kids, white picket house, and beautiful wife.

Cause as soon as you make it big…

To know this is to know who I claim to be.

Maybe one day my face will appear on the blank screen of that T.V.

Telling how they wrote about me, remixed it, is now their favorite jam.

They may listen, but would they really understand, that they’ll never know who I am.

I’m Juice J.O.I.

And the only reason why you like this is because I’m undefined.

From how I rhyme, as if I was from the underground, six feet deep, to the point where I don’t even hear a sound.

Though there’s no crowd, when I’m looking down, where the hell are they now?

And they said you needed faith in order to succeed.

See the problem is that I believe, but the dream doesn’t believe in me.

So I progressed to be, remained to fill myself with envy.

And started making bitter verses by the way that it tempts me, I feel so empty.

Maybe it’s so much harder than it looks.

If that’s true, then why do I have 100 somethin’ pages of lyrics written in crappy ass books.

I made it obvious, I’m after opportunity.

Because all I see, is you, at the top, even though, I know you ain’t lookin’ back.

Why is that? When we’ve both started from the bottom.

I guess I’m just in a childish state of rap. Things I want, you already got ‘em.

Get It? I’m sure you do.

Words fallen on deaf ears, like they never had the time to.

Cause its behind you, better yet, it’s underneath.

Where we aren’t treated equals, you got the whole world at your feet.

They continue to be colossal, doing the impossible, and I’ll be here staring at a blank screen.

#rap #raps #poets on tumblr #poems #writing #blank screens #self perception #perspective #rhymes #poetry #poem #about #emotional abuse #physical abuse #mental health #depression #thoughts #life #whatever

[juice-joi]

Obsessed.

Minutes pass, I hold lasting breaths. My attempt to keep moments from the next. Hoping you notice my earnest intent. What have I become? Such a strange little mess. Disgusting, how much of you I want to possess. This wretch that twists a hole in my chest. I crave for your skin like animals eat flesh. What have I become? Such a strange little mess.

Hours pass, yearning for a chance to confess. Not touching you this long is unfair at best. Dreaming of what's it's like, your gentle caress. What have I become? Such a strange little mess.

Anger unravels, as I too regress:

"This must be another test."

Praying that patience, this course's correct, I leave unsatisfied and with no regrets.

Is this punishing for what it's meant? Maybe I should think a bit less.

After all, knowing what I have become:

Such a strange little mess.

~ Juice J.O.I

#poem #poems #rap #raps #poetry #writing #rhymes #juice joi #life #opinion #perspective #poets on tumblr #whatever #thoughts #obsession #mess #possessive #desire #wanting #lust