lord-hand-me-spoons

[lord-hand-me-spoons]

pain=no sleep

no sleep=pain

how do I win here, this is exhausting

#chronic fatigue #spoonie #mecfs #chronic illness #chronic pain #disability #chronically ill #potsie

[lord-hand-me-spoons]

I have come to realize that I have a problem. It has gotten bad again and I am deep down in disordered thoughts and behaviors. The anxiety and depression are debilitating.

I really don’t know how it happened, it sneaked up on me, and one day it was just like hitting a wall. I really don’t know when I started controlling the food or my body again, it all just kind of happened.

My therapist wanted to contact the ED-clinic but I refused.

I know that this isn’t healthy, I know that I really don’t want to go back to the ED, but right now, I don’t know if I want to get better either.

If I am being honest, it terrifies me to have to eat more, it scares the shit out of me.

I am not ready to let go, it feels like I am falling back into safe arms where I can rest.

I know that if I don’t eat, my emotions will shut off, and I need that, I cannot deal with all this.

#chronic illness #disability #spoonie #potsie #pots #eating disoder things #disordered eating cw #disordered eating mention #tw eating issues #eating disoder trigger warning #disordered eating thoughts #tw disordered eating #eating disoder recovery #disordered eating in tags #ed relapse #ed not ed sheeran #tw restrictive ed

[lord-hand-me-spoons]

I am struggling really hard mentally at the moment.

My GI issues has sent me into a downward spiral of eating disordered thoughts and behaviors and a relapse is now inevitable.

My head is full of thoughts of food and numbers and there is not much room for anything else. Without realizing it, I started hiding how much I ate and lying to the people around me.

#disordered eating thoughts #chronic illness #potsie #spoonie #tw disordered eating #disabled #chronically ill #disability #disordered eating mention #ed relapse #tw eating issues

[lord-hand-me-spoons]

pots culture is constantly doing things that u KNOW worsen ur symptoms and then getting upset when ur symptoms are worse

#pots culture is #pots #pots syndrome #potsie #chronic illness #chronically ill #spoonie #dysautonomia #chronic pain #disability

[lord-hand-me-spoons]

#chronic illness #chronic pain #chronic fatigue #spoonie #chronically ill #invisible illness #disability #ehlers danlos life #potsie

[lord-hand-me-spoons]

It is okay to not always be grateful for what you do have in your life. It is okay to not always focus on what you can do.

Your life has ganged and you are allowed to feel sad. You are allowed be angry. You are allowed to grieve your old self. You are allowed to hate the situations your chronic illness puts you in.

But you also have to remember that your life has value, and that you are worthy.

#chronic illness #chronic pain #chronically ill #disability #spoonie #ehlers danlos life #potsie #eds zebra #ehlers danlos problems #pots

[lord-hand-me-spoons]

Just a gentle reminder that it is okay to feel jealous of your able bodied friends sometimes. It does not make you a bad person, you wouldn’t wish anyone to live with your pain, but sometimes you just wish that you got a break.

#chronic illness #chronic pain #chronically ill #disability #spoonie #ehlers danlos life #potsie #eds zebra #ehlers danlos problems #pots #pain flare

[lord-hand-me-spoons]

#chronic illness #chronic pain #chronic fatigue #spoonie #chronically ill #invisible illness #disability #ehlers danlos life #potsie #eds zebra

[lord-hand-me-spoons]

Dear arms

I don’t want to hate you anymore, I don’t want to feel ashamed of your stripes, I don’t want to hide you under long sleeves. I dressed you in those stripes, and for that I am sorry. I wish I could make them go away, but at the same time I don’t. I am ashamed and proud of them at the same time. In the scars I see strength, I see the fight I fought to get my life back, but I also see unbearable pain, I see years of self punishment, and self hatred.

I am no longer that little girl who had to harm herself to stay alive, I have fought so hard to put that life behind me, but you are dressed in stripes as a constant reminder of who I was and what I have been through. A statement for all to see.

You wear the stripes proudly, and you should, that little girl fought for her life, but I am not that little girl anymore, I have grown up, I no longer identify myself with the stripes, I now know that I am more than what I did to myself, I am more than an illness. So I hide under long sleeved shirts.

Dear arms, I am sorry for dressing you in stripes, but thank you for wearing them proudly.

#recovery #pots #chronic pain #self harm #self love #self worth #self h@rm #self healing #eating disoder recovery #note to self #chronically ill #mentalhealth #mental illness #mentally unstable #mentalheathawareness #disability

[lord-hand-me-spoons]

#chronic illness #spoonie #chronic pain #chronically ill #disability #ehlers danlos life #potsie

[lord-hand-me-spoons]

Here's my favorite drawings of 2023, wooooo! It's so fun to see all the different seasons represented. I'm curious, which of these do you like most?

Thank you for following along with my art this year! I feel so lucky that anyone connects with my weird little drawings. Your attention and kindness is very much appreciated. ♥

Here's to more growth in 2024!

#chronic illness #chronically ill #chronic pain #disability #spoonie #ehlers danlos life #potsie #eds zebra #ehlers danlos problems #pots #depression #note to self #self care

[lord-hand-me-spoons]

this is your gentle reminder to stop fighting against your adhd and instead structure your life around it

buy a pack of chapsticks and put one in the pocket of all of your coats and jackets because you always forget to bring one and chapped lips is sensory hell

leave important things where you can see them. if they go in a box or a drawer you will forget they exist

put any appointments or deadlines in your phone calendar As Soon As you get them. set a reminder for a week before, a day before, an hour before, as many as you need as often as you need them.

when that little voice in your head says "i dont need to write that down, ill remember it" that is the devil talking!!! write it down anyway!!

plan for down time. have a few hours at the end of every day to just do fun stuff like engage in your hyperfixations. even if you didnt get all of your work done that day, have the rest anyway. you probably spent the whole day beating yourself up for not doing what you Should be doing, so you still need the break.

if you never eat vegetables because its too much effort to chop and cook them, get the frozen or canned shit. it doesnt go off for ages and you just have to microwave it. theres no point buying fresh vegetables if they just keep going off and being left to rot in the bottom of your fridge

if you struggle to decide what to have for dinner every day, take the decision out of it. choose a set of meals and eat those on rotation until you get sick of them, then choose some new ones and do it again.

its not stupid if it works! our brains literally have a chemical deficiency. you are allowed to accommodate yourself. go forth and stop making your life more difficult than it has to be because "this shouldn't be this hard". it is hard, so make it easier.

#adhd #adhd tips #chronic illness #chronic pain #chronically ill #disability #spoonie #ehlers danlos life #potsie #actually adhd

[lord-hand-me-spoons]

#medical gaslighting #gaslighting #invisible illnesses #hidden illness #chronic illness #chronic pain #chronically ill #disability #spoonie #ehlers danlos life #potsie

[lord-hand-me-spoons]

Saying "My Chronic Illness is Flaring":

People ask invasive questions

Invites misguided wishes of "get well soon"

Sometimes people just tell you to try harder

Saying "Today, My Body Chose Violence":

Sounds way cooler

Might make people too wary to ask questions

Very literal explanation of what's happening

#chronic illness #spoonie #disability #disabled #spoonie memes #chronically ill #chronic illness memes #chronic pain #potsie #eds zebra #hypermobile eds

[lord-hand-me-spoons]

Heya everybody! Time to check in.

How's your body feel? Do you need to move, stretch, stop clenching, or change positions? Have you fed and hydrated yourself? Taken care of your bathroom needs? Cleaned up, showered, or changed your clothes as you're able? Taken any applicable medications?

How does your mind feel? Are you stuck? Do you need to change activities, talk (or stop talking) to a particular person, or listen to a different playlist? Have you done something to nurture peace in your heart? Have you seen the sky and breathed some fresh air (even through a door or window)?

I love you, and I hope you have a better day tomorrow!

#genuine #check in #take your meds #disability #disabled #invisible illness #invisible disability #chronic pain #spoonie #i love you!

[lord-hand-me-spoons]

Something I don't think non-disabled people understand is that realising you're disabled happens over, and over, and over again.

Maybe something gets worse, or you recognise a new way it effects your life, or you remember something you used to be able to do that you had to give up, or maybe you're just reminded that this isn't how it is for other people. And like, I'm not going to say it never gets easier, but it definitely packs more of a punch some days than others.

Like, yeah, we keep going, because what other option do we have? But it isn't easy. And realising that it isn't easy, over and over again, isn't easy either.

#disability #chronic pain #stuff's just really hard right now. dont worry about it. #chronically ill #chronic illness #spoonie #potsie #eds zebra

[lord-hand-me-spoons]

⚠️ Potential trigger warning; mentioning of eating disorders

“Life is way too short to spend another day at war with yourself”

This quote has been with me for so many years, I have repeated it to myself so many times.

Having a chronic illness that affects your ability to eat and keep down the food is hard and draining. If you add a history with an restrictive eating disorder, it gets even even more confusing and complicated, even when you have recovered and left that life behind years ago. For the last 9 months my GI issues have been intense. And for the last 9 months I have found myself balancing on a very thin line, trying my hardest to not trip and fall over, clinging for dear life to a healthy mind, doing my very best to stay away from potential triggers and to push disordered thoughts away.

Despite my best efforts I have found myself on the wrong side of the line, I don’t know when that happened and that scares me. I did not see the signs or notice the thoughts and behaviors that has nestled into my life. Here I thought that I was being so careful, that I was in control. I am not in control anymore and it feels like I don’t know anything anymore. I don’t even know if I avoid certain food because of my GI problems or if I avoid it because I am afraid to eat. I constantly find myself planning and thinking of doing not so good things to my body.

To be honest this terrifies me. It is like I am back to square one again, only this time under completely different conditions. Last time, I didn’t have my disability, I did not struggle with the fatigue and the pain that I have today. Last time I “only” had to fight the eating disorder, this time I have all these other things. I really don’t have the energy to fight this again, I barely made it out alive last time.

It also makes me feel ashamed. Ashamed that I struggle with this as an adult. That I do this to myself, even though I know that this will break my body.

Is there anyone out there who have had the same or similar experiences? I could really need someone.

#chronic illness #chronically ill #chronic pain #disability #ehlers danlos life #spoonie #potsie #eds zebra #ehlers danlos problems #pots #eating disoder things #tw disordered eating #disordered eating thoughts #tw eating issues #eating disoder trigger warning #disordered eating cw #out of spoons #no spoons #hypermobile eds #potsawareness #pots syndrome #spoonie life #chronic diseases #ibs #actually ibs #dysautonomia #chronic fatigue syndrome #fatigue #chronic fatigue